#existential something
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i have about 10 missing assignments i need to do bc my procrastination is kicking my ass rn and i don’t ever reflect on that fact until past 11pm but also the melatonin is calling for me and i love to sleep‼️
#help#helpppp#i cant do this#istg#seriously like i know i can do the assignments but the minute i put it off for a second it���s suddenly a week late and i haven’t done shit#i’ve got C’s??? in my four core classes???? i’m gonna cry??#which my best friend keeps telling me that it’s not that bad but also#my parents yell at me when i have a B because they ‘know i can do better’#so ofc they don’t know#they haven’t checked my grades so i’m waiting for that to happen#honestly i just want the ball to drop already so i can stop being anxious of when it’ll happen#hurrah😺#omg wait#what’s it called#the word#the word of words#existential something#no#hold up#it’s a thing#OH FUCK NO I JUST HAD IT#EXTENSIVE#EPEDERMAL#UHH#EXECUTIVE DYSFUNCTION#THATS THE BITCH#!!!!#okay that’s all folks#i’m out of brain power#gn
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i SCREAMED when i heard andy beshear come after jd vance for pretending to be from appalachia. a dem capable of pulling kentucky of all places is a strategic fucking vice president pick.
#it is so bizarre to feel something other than sinking existential dread#as somebody from appalachia i would like to personally fight jd vance because i know that i'd fucking win
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being aromantic is like. hey btw you're going to live a life that is the culmination of most of society's worst nightmares. sorry lol ✌️ but then you turn around and take a really good hard look at it and it turns out that living in that nightmare is fucking awesome and you get to wake up every day and take that fear that other people have and laugh and hold it close until it's a great joy for you instead. and being happy is a radical act that you define instead of someone else. and you're sexy as fuck that's just a fact of life i don't make the rules on that one
#aromantic people are just sexy i'm not making the decisions here it's just facts#course ur hot as fuck. it came free with the aromanticism#being sexy is just default settings for aromantic people 👍#hope this all helps. anyway i'm on my 'i hope i die alone <3 i can't wait to die alone <3' kick rn#i think the existential fear that people have of Not Partnering specifically is so. well.#obviously that shit is strong and it is SO awesome to be free of it.#realizing you're aro and you don't Want a partner can be such a hit to the solar plexus#cause society says that's the only thing that'll make you happy. so either you go without that thing or you force yourself#into doing something you don't want which would make you unhappy anyway.#so you think it's a lose lose situation and you have to come to terms with what amatonormativity presents as the worst possible situation#but then! whoa! turns out personhood is inherently valuable in and of itself and romantic partnering is just a construct!#and that nightmare is now your life to do with as you please... define as you will... structure as you want...#best case scenario. is what i'm saying.#every day i wake up ready to spit all that amatonormative rhetoric back in life's teeth by being alone and being happy#and it's so fucking satisfying. every day.#fucking JUBILANT being by myself. and i love being a living breathing 'fuck you' to the romantic system#you need a partner to be happy? oh that's sooo fucking crazy guess i'll go be miserable then. in my perfect fucking dream life lmao#yeah obviously it's the worst possible outcome on earth to die without a partner. so terrible. can't wait for it :)#aromantic#aromanticism#aro positivity#aroace#arospec#sorry to bitches who are sad about not having a partner. i could not give a fuck though get better soon#you couldn't EVER pay me enough to go back to a mindset in which my inherent value wasn't enough by myself.#FUCK that shit. absolutely miserable and a bad life outlook in general. like genuinely do the work w/ amatonormativity and get better#life is something that can be so fulfilling whether someone wants to kiss you or whatever or not#i'm on antidepressants and i have people i care deeply about. what the fuck would i need a partner for lmao
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It's interesting (if often frustrating) to see the renewed Orc Discourse after the last few episodes of ROP. I've seen arguments that orcs have to be personifications of evil rather than people as such or else the ethics of our heroes' approach to them becomes much more fraught. Tolkien's work, as written, seems an odd choice to me for not wrangling with difficult questions, and of course, more diehard fans are going to immediately bring up Shagrat and Gorbag.
If you haven't read LOTR recently, Shagrat and Gorbag are two orcs who briefly have a conversation about how they're being screwed over by Sauron but have no other real options, about their opinions of mistakes that have been made, that they think Sauron himself has made one, but it's not safe to discuss because Sauron has spies in their own ranks. They reminisce about better times when they had more freedom and fantasize about a future when they can go elsewhere and set up a small-scale banditry operation rather than being involved in this huge-scale war. Eventually, however, they end up turning on each other.
Basically any time that someone brings up the "humanity" of this conversation, someone else will point out that they're still bad people. They're not at all guilty about what they're part of. They just resent the dangers to themselves, the pressure from above, failures of competence, the surveillance they're under, and their lack of realistic alternative options. The dream of another life mentioned in the conversation is still one of preying on innocent people, just on a much smaller and more immediate scale, etc.
I think this misses the reason it keeps getting brought up, though. The point is not that Shagrat and Gorbag are good people. The point is that they are people.
There's something very normal and recognizable about their resentment of their superiors, their fears of reprisal and betrayal that ultimately are realized, their dislike of this kind of industrial war machine that erases their individual work and contributions, the tinge of wistfulness in their hope of escape into a different kind of life. Their dialect is deliberately "common"—and there's a lot more to say about that and the fact that it's another commoner, Sam, who outwits them—but one of the main effects is to make them sound familiar and ordinary. And it's interesting that one of the points they specifically raise is that they're not going to get better treatment from "the good guys" so they can't defect, either.
This is self-interested, yes, but it's not the self-interest of some mystical being or spirit or whatnot, but of people.
Tolkien's later remarks tend to back this up. He said that female orcs do exist, but are rarely seen in the story because the characters only interact with the all-male warrior class of orcs. Whatever female orcs "do," it isn't going to war. Maybe they do a lot of the agricultural work that is apparently happening in distant parts of Mordor, maybe they are chiefly responsible for young orcs, maybe both and/or something else, we don't know. But we know they're out there and we know that they reproduce sexually and we know that they're not part of the orcish warrior class.
Regardless of all the problems with this, the idea that orcs have a gender-restricted warrior class at all and we're just not seeing any of their other classes because of where the story is set doesn't sound like automatons of evil. It sounds like an actual culture of people that we only see along the fringes.
And this whole matter of "but if they're people, we have to think about ethics, so they can't be people" is a weird circular argument that cannot account for what's in LOTR or for much of what Tolkien said afterwards. Yes, he struggled with The Problem of Orcs and how to reconcile it with his world building and his ethical system, but "maybe they're not people" is ultimately not a workable solution as far as LOTR goes and can't even account for much of the later evolution of his ideas, including explicit statements in his letters.
And in the end, the real response that comes to mind to that circular argument is "maybe you should think about ethics more."
#i had a whole 'nother tangent that i split off into a separate draft#but i've been thinking about why the 'but shagrat and gorbag are still BAD people' thing seems so inane and missing the point#but yeah. i feel like people desperately want to find some justification in tolkien (and elsewhere) for the idea#that doing something wrong to a person will become doing something right if you can find someone who 'deserves it'#and that literally anything can be justified if someone has been defined as a valid target (i.e. less than a person)#(you see this a lot in the whole twitter main character of the day thing - the idea that the problem is directing the firehose#against the wrong person by mistake rather than the firehose itself)#but it's super weird for a novel built on a metaphor about how using the tools of evil for a good end or against existential enemies#is fundamentally corrupting and only further props up what it's meant to oppose#and i mean... the character most like tolkien literally says he could not morally justify lying to an orc and rejects the ring#it's not exactly a deeply buried theme of the book#anghraine babbles#long post#anghraine rants#legendarium fanwank#legendarium blogging#shagrat#gorbag#tv: lotr#jrr tolkien
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What if scouts self esteem issues weren't caused by not having a dad but because his mother was neglectful af and he had to reaally work to get her attention until he "deserves" it but most of the time he felt like an empty space because ma is always busy with whatever she was doing outside of home having 8 children from different dads but anyways. Brothers fostered him and their mom was more like a visiting boss.
Scout must be very scared of not being noticed or being seen as unworthy of being with him because of that. Hence the overcompensation. Ma failed to admit his existence on a level that satisfies.
#on melatonin rn#like sorry but I don't really believe in dadspy angst#scouts overcompensation feels a little bit too existential and mom related#like why would he suffer so much because his dad left if he didn't even know him or remembered how he looked like. or something.#and his ma wasn't alone nor poor. again‚ 7 brothers.#i am pointing a finger at her.#i think it's not a “don't leave me” situation but rather a “tell me I exist” one#which would make him and pauling more similar somehow. huh.#tf2#tf2 scout#based on nothing. just psychology vibes
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Poolverine out of context…either they have a pain kink or they just like getting tied up…or both? Let’s do both.
#poolverine#also can I rant on something more like about someone…#Hugh jackman sir youre killing us here#why is a 55 year old is ummmm I cant say what I want to say but omg why#op is having an existential crisis like??? do I like older men or its just a HUGE ACKMAN thing#pls let it be the latter bc im 23 and I having a mid mid life crisis ohhhh#thirsting on main again I deserve jail time#I'm going in an apology tour#anyways Ryan Reynolds looks good too ig/s#youre doing amazing sweetie#deadpool 3#deadpool and wolverine#Logan x wade#deadclaws#hugh jackman#ryan reynolds#Logan def had one…sir I know what happened with jean l
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my little pony lawlight. thoughts?
light (unicorn) is a late blooming blank flank who only gets his cutie mark after he becomes kira and then has to hide it from everyone so he gets a fake cutie mark made up (notebook and pen to symbolise being really smart 😊) which he has to meticulously reapply every week or so when it fades. he is still committing real murders even though he is a pretty pony. equestria is rotten.
L (earth pony) has been sent to ponyville by princess celestia to investigate the disturbing pony murders, and hopefully make some friends along the way! 🥰 he doesn't. he (pony) does move in with light (also pony) allegedly to get light's scholarly help with stopping pony kira but mostly because he suspects light of being pony kira. also kira keeps being foiled accidentally by pinkie pie's random hijinks mostly because she's always delivering sweets to L pony.
oh wait also light pony's name is Light Turner because he turns things to the light! 🥰🌞 and his voice actor is nat wolff. from netflix. that whole plot with nightmare moon and also everything else in the show still happens btw L and light pony just have their own shit going on in the background and also ponies keep dying. i hope this helps
#asks#death note#mlp#there's something really funny to me about light being a prodigy pony but he just doesnt get his mark for ages#everyones like but youre so good at everything whats wrong with you#pony light is like (suffering a debilitating existential and depressive episode in his late teens) i used to wonder what friendship could b
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Okay. hear me out. Creaking Helsknight
#atlas.art#artists on tumblr#mcyt#hermitcraft#helsknight#welsknight#the creaking#do you see my vision#his heart gets left back in hels when he comes to hc through the cloning machine#something something you are a creature not entirely your own devoted to one purpose belonging to one place#and then suddenly you are somewhere else and you are alone and without purpose and you are your own being for the first time in your life#and it feels like there is a hole in you somewhere. like you have lost something vital. you want to find it again. go home. feel whole.#but at the same time in it's absence you have become something else entirely#and you're not sure if you can ever go back to belonging to a separate whole again#not to. uh. get existential with it or anything.#thought about this too long today mayhaps. whoopsie.#anyways his name being hels like the place because he is entirely a part of it as an extension of the creaking heart... .. . .#literally the knight of hels as in created from it and not seperate from the land itself#idk what all of this would imply about wels lol#someone else can figure that out
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Procrastination doodles of sabo for the king sabo au :)
#one piece#sabo#king sabo au#I wonder sometimes if I keep thinking about this au because i like putting my blorbo through crushing existential nightmares#something something. it must feel so wrong to him. to be born like this and know that he’s not suppose to be there#but not having the memories of times in the wild with his brothers to contextualize why he feels wrong or where he’s supposed to be instead#directionless. knowing that he has to exist for some reason but not the reason that everyone around him tells him he should exist for#and continuing to try to bridge the cognitive dissonance through fallacy after fallacy until he is in too deep to escape#anyways. thinking about Him#Him is the academia mentality of ‘just keep going and you’ll eventually reach the light at the end of the tunnel’#‘because you’ve tried so hard to get here and surely you must belong here because you’re so academically highly-achieving’#does that make sense? maybe the parallel is a bit of a reach. I could write an essay about it tbh#I love this au lmao it’s both a lot of projecting and a great chance to be like ‘god I can make him so much worse’
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you ever think about how edwin got like. no warning, no time time to process, nothing, when he reappeared on earth faced with the fact that virtually everyone he knew in life is dead. his parents? probably died in the 1950s or so (at best) almost forty years prior to edwin’s return. if any of his classmates were still around, they’d have been elderly, possibly senile, and in a few years they’d all be gone– except, of course, edwin. nothing looks the same, cars look like spaceships, there actually are spaceships, he can no longer see the stars, and everyone he knew is dead.
#he may be dead too but he’s certainly not gone. he’s a lingering relic. something lost to time#that’s some existential dread on an incomprehensible level#like. he meets charles quite soon after returning from hell and it’s implied he’s pretty much just been haunting that schoolhouse in that#time right. so I seriously doubt he’d have visited– let alone even Found– his parents’ graves. I wonder if he ever did that with charles.#maybe charles providing him enough emotional support to feel like he could handle it.#I know that he wasn’t close to his parents in life– nor was he close with anyone that we know of– and yeah I think that’d definitely make#things a bit easier in certain ways; he never felt like he belonged in his time/place in life or amongst his family or peers#so being displaced from all that wouldn’t feel like losing very much#in a way#but… I mean still#and he inevitably would have those lingering thoughts of what could’ve been–#yes he could’ve died in the war and his life likely wouldn’t be very fulfilling considering he’d probably be forced into a marriage he#wouldn’t want or if he was found out he could’ve been imprisoned and ostracized and disowned. plenty of ways his life could’ve been awful if#but also what if his parents loosened up a little as the times did? as in- what if he actually got to know them? what if they tried to#have a relationship with him of some sort eventually? it’s not impossible#it’d have to eat at him. that and wondering if either of them felt guilty#or felt a loss. or anything#hoo boy. fun stuff#edwin#edwin payne#rambling#dead boy detectives
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actually i lied the real crowning moment of Endwalker is the final Zenos battle. because what could be better than defeating the embodiment of despair in a battle to prove the worth of existence, literally the highest stakes possible, and then turning around and fighting your rival. not to save the world or because anyone asked you to but just because you want to. because it's fun.
Fighting just for the sake of fighting - because you can, because you find it fun and meaningful, because it's part of who you are. Adventuring just for the sake of adventuring, living for the sake of living.
#ff14#ffxiv#endwalker#endwalker spoilers#meta posting on my art blog#zenos yae galvus#zenos's role in the existentialism of endwalker is to prove something like:#“living for the sake of living. without needing any higher reason”#you get it right? right? at least that's what i take away from endwalker
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what i need is for daniel to realize at different points that his past/present/future relationship with armand is EXACTLY like the parts of louis' and lestat's relationship he mocked the most. ie "is THIS the fucked up gothic romance?" "are WE the whiny existential queens?" he doesn't have to do this out loud but i want his relationship with armand to be so disgusting and hot and terrible that he reaches brief moments of clarity. and i'll be able to tell he's thinking it just based on the look in his eyes
#iwtv#interview with the vampire#devil's minion#be thankful i typed this out in a semi coherent way because the original post was just this:#'Now I am become the whiny existential queen' —Daniel Molloy#in a way it's also connected to Maddie Euphoria saying “is this fucking play about us?”#Daniel about his book and his love life. or something#someone help me my meme translation skills are in shambles right now#actually i take it back the more i think about it now i am become the whiny existential queen is still funny. i guess you could say im just#posting this for context
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”hurr durr hazel doesn’t need fairies” SHE LITERALLY TRIED TO KILL HERSELF AT ONE POINT

#fairy godparents aren’t just for kids with shitty parents#just because hazel’s problems are more mental than physical doesn’t mean they’re any less valid#also do you remember being ten? bc I remember being in a really rough place mentally at that age#like you’re starting to lose your childlike innocence and naivety but you don’t have the emotional maturity to deal with it yet#I don’t think it’s a coincidence that most kids seem to get their fairies around ten years old#actually i remember crying the night before my tenth birthday because I was feeling existential and thought I was wasting my childhood#which is definitely something hazel would do#she’s so real#thats my daughter stop bullying her#joey says some sh#fop#fop a new wish#fairly oddparents#fop hazel
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i know i've said this before but whenever i feel homesick for malaysia i watch youtube dashcam videos of people driving badly in kuala lumpur because it most accurately reproduces the feeling of being there
#i am genuinely fond of how existentially horrifying our drivers are#something about watching some guy rear end a perodua in a parking lot outside a mamak never gets old to me
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I think finding yourself getting life advice from quark in his PJs in the middle of the night (and desperately needing it) is how you officially know you've hit rock bottom
+ just us girls together at the sleepover right. anyway get your life together bitch you're scaring the profit margins
#when garak talks in asit about how everything gets defined through relationship to something else he was thinking about Them#(no he wasn't he was having unholy thoughts about julian bashir. but you see what I'm getting at)#star trek#star trek ds9#ds9#odo#quark#I'm not sure this is quarkodo in my heart or if they simply share a connection deeper than what can be defined that way.#an existential bond.#quark is so good in this ep. 'yeah yeah you're a cold unfeeling logic machine of justice. can we cuddle now'#god the way kira smiles in this ep tho. I get it odo I get it you're not wrong
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Not to be flippant about world events, but I hate when any show is cancelled for a world event. It's not that I don't care, I do, I followed what happened, but like sir, that is my emotional support drama, don't take it from me in this time of need.
#I need my show more than ever#in this time of need#when the phone rings#I need something to distract me from the possibility of a democracy crumbling#we can get back to existential dread on Monday
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