#exhuastion

[justbreakonme]

Whumpee is normally much more reserved. They bite their tongue and straighten their back, take a deep breath and keep going, going, going, but…

God, what they wouldn’t give for just one night.

A long hot bath with someone to wash their hair when their arms ached too much to do it properly. Fingernails gently scratching over their scalp, working the shampoo through as opposed to just dumping it on and smearing it around like they usually did. Rinsed clean and wrapped in towels.

Not having to decide what clothes to wear, not having to fight the urge to just climb back into their dirty pajamas. Being handed a set of clean comfortable clothes without the thought having to cross their mind.

Curled up against someone under a blanket, letting the tension leech out of their body, letting themselves rest… Knowing that someone was there to stand guard, in a way.

But they don’t have that luxury, they have to be strong, and keep themselves together. So with all their strength, then force themselves to lay out clean clothes and get in the shower.

Their bed is cold when they climb into it, and though they thought the comfort would come from less labor, now they realize. They just wanted someone there. Someone that would want to care for them.

[kaleidoscope-of-thoughts]

Safe

Whumpee’s eyes fluttered open, slowly coming into focus.

“Hey, Whumpee,” came Caretaker’s soft voice.

Whumpee turned their head to the side and was met with a gentle smile. Their eyes welled with tears at the familiar face.

“Hey, hey,” Caretaker’s smile dropped, “you’re safe now, love, it’s alright.” They gently started running their fingers through Whumpee’s hair, trying to calm them.

Whumpee wanted to ask them what had happened and how they had gotten there, but they already felt their eyes getting heavy. The overwhelming exhaustion was pulling them under once again.

“You can sleep again it’s okay, I’ll explain everything later…I won’t leave you,” Caretaker whispered while they switched to stroking the backs of their fingers on Whumpee’s cheek.

Satisfied with the statement, Whumpee let their eyes close and focused on the soothing touches from Caretaker.

They were finally safe.

[oriondrawsthings]

[blogger360ncislarules]

After getting laid up, Hetty reveals something stunning about herself.

@whumpuary

[skeletonologist]

Windows 10 reinstalled successfully but now theres like 40279572848494 updates. Please. I just want to draw skeleton

[littlesmartart]

I cannot imagine how freakin tired these two must be

the curse of the artist is that initially I just made this as a meme using the handshake template but then my brain was like "you could draw it and it would make it funnier" so. here we are.

[boycritter]

need to kiss a faggot .for my health

[auspicioustidings]

Meet cute with Price being that he tore the mechanic who tried to overcharge you a new arsehole because he was also at the garage waiting for his car to get looked at and wasn't about to sit there and listen to this wanker try to bully you into accepting a ridiculous price for what was easy work. He winds up getting kicked out so while his car gets towed to another garage you offer to give him a ride wherever he needs in thanks.

[heartsyhawk]

You can tell the Dragon Age fandom is having a Good Time because they are up to their universal pastime of complaining about absolutely everything.

[exhibit-ayyy-look-at-this-nerd]

if nobody got me i know drawing blorbo shittily in notes app got me Can i get an amen

[mueritos]

a big brain dump about autism, life, being indigenous, and whatever else is going on

so the past few months I made it a personal journey to understand my autism more (and maybe a possible ptsd diagnosis but whatever whatever whatever). and that's what i'm calling it--the autism--because no other thing makes sense for me, and while i'm parsing through childhood memories and experiences, it's definitely...a bittersweet conclusion? bitter because in a lot of ways, i dont relate to the stereotypical autistic experience because every autistic person who has clocked me was usually a White Queer. It's probably why it's taken so long to get to this point of concluding Autism is what it is. I grew up in an immigrant family as a girl, and for that reason I was expected to not be disabled and to be a completely normal and high achieving Mexican catholic girl who went to college and became a doctor or whatever. Now i'm a fag of a man doing none of those things haha.

My older brother was supposed to be assessed for ASD in his youth, and like most immigrant dads, mine decided that nothing was wrong with him and the rest is history. Except my older brother is a man riddled with childhood trauma, shame, and so much autism. Absolutely uncharted rates of autism, and while he gets some sort of pity from my parents for him ("it's all out fault" "he never got the help he needed" "cut him some slack he doesnt understand"), I can never let my own parents know about how much I struggle. Hell, I can barely show it to my own friends because even they don't understand the extent of my autistic struggles. it's actually caused continuous miscommunications, people mad at me, me mad at myself, meltdowns, shutdowns, and a lot of crying. And shame. (a peer recently even demeaned my habit of keeping to myself, despite the fact that I had actually been trying to put myself out there more)

so i'm at a point in my life where I've accepted that I can only take responsibility over how I communicate, and I take ownership over that. Accepting this responsibility allows me to keep myself safe, as I've essentially lived over 2 decades of my life feeling like I was responsible for not just my communication, but everyone else's, including all of the judgements, missed cues, failures, miscommunications, and whatever else came from it. It's definitely double empathy. Last time I truly took on everyone's communication, it nearly killed me (cue over a year of suicidality). But, in a lot of ways it's very freeing. I'm sort of detaching myself from this neurotypical/White need to socially interact with others on their terms. In other ways, it's restricting. I uh. Don't really talk to a lot of people nowadays, and there used to be days where I wouldn't say a single word out loud. But because I don't talk to as many people, I'm able to put energy into the quality of my connections and not just the quantity. Which unfortunately a lot of people take personally. They dont like you admitting that you only see them as an acquittance, or as a classmate, or something like a friend but not quite there. I find comfort knowing how people feel about me, even if its that they actually dont feel close to me. Great! Now I know! Knowing makes me feel safe! But I'm finding that people actually really fucking hate when you admit that to them, the how you actually slot them in ur brain in terms of social levels. I can understand why, but I also don't get it.

Another thing that's helped is I've changed how I do eye contact. I used to make eye contact with professors or classmates while I spoke up in class because I thought that was important. Now I've found I can actually focus more on what I'm trying to say when I don't make eye contact. My god how freeing that has been. I don't have the same anxiety as I used to before, nor do I experience all of the involuntary blushing as I did for many years of my life. It didn't matter how confident or how prepared I felt, I would just blush furiously and I fucking hate it. Now my blushing is almost nonexistent, and I say what I mean with the flat ass tone that I love speaking in because it makes me feel safe. Sure, I miss the real-time non-verbal reactions to my words in class, but it's an okay trade-off for feeling more safe in myself and more confident in the classroom.

another thing is my internship. I work with majority neurodivergent students, and many of my clients have autism, adhd, or both, and are sometimes BIPOC, trans, or children of immigrants. Man, I've been having a blast. Sure, I'm learning how to be a therapist and best practices, but screw everyone in my life who has called me "cold" "emotionless" or "heartless". I have connected with so many people on such a human level, and I have sat there and helped them hold their pain in that tiny gay office for 45 minutes every week, and even though it's only 45 minutes, i'm showing them that they're allowed to ask for help holding that pain. I have had challenging sessions, difficult conversations, and times where I wasn't sure I would know what to say. But at it's core, I know that I'm capable of connecting with the person in front of me because my autism brain is automatically in tune with the person in front of me. It is so wonderful, and overwhelming, and so confusing all at once. When people start crying in front of me, I feel tears well up in my eyes, even if I'm not actually sad with them. It shows me that I'm capable of this empathy that so many people over my life have questioned, which they questioned all because I processed things slowly, or made quick decisions, or because I was honest about how I felt.

on to being mixed indigenous. Phew. I've been trying to build more connections with other Native folk, and I have a couple who I can thankfully call friends and who have never disrespected my detribalized experience. but recently I was interviewed a few times for a fellow indigenous researcher's dissertation, and I did not expect to be chosen on account that I am detribalized. But it had been a lovely experience and I finished my final interview today. It really left me with a lot of emotions that are hard to put into words. Mourning would be one of them, as I likely won't ever know what my tribal affiliation is. Never knowing who my people were, what language they spoke, the land they lived on...I can't describe just how much it destroys me. It feels like literal death, because that's what it is. A disgusting colonial death. And it's why I abhor that of all my identities, being autistic and being mixed indigenous has been met with the most vitriol online. like i guess people can only handle the trans fag mexican dude when hes not autistic and mixed indigenous, because now I am far too ambigious for anyone else's good. though i do know better than to listen to what random people online have to say about me and my path toward reconnection/neurodivergency.

beside's that, i'm trying to find neurodivergent spaces that feel safe, and I'm trying to find ways to keep myself safe. stimming, carrying stuffed animals around, using fidget toys, engaging in my interests, listening to the same songs, eating the same foods. I've had coffee with bagel and chive+onion cream cheese for over a year now. I've listening to almost only Pearl Jam and Alice in Chains for nearly a year now. I rewatch the same youtube videos over and over again. I wear the same few outfits. I wear the same shoes everyday. I walk the same way to and from campus everyday. I try to be in nature as much as I can, and really see it. I imagine nature where it isn't, and I get emotional thinking about the life that used to be on it. I wish so badly that I was a cat, a horse, a bunny, a deer, all so I could experience life through their eyes. i'm putting trust into people, into the universe, and into myself. safety is hard to come by, but im doing my best to accept the risks of life, trying to be flexible, and learn how to sustain myself for the good of the world. I deserve to be here too.

that's about it. besides that, i'm moving to philly once i'm done with grad school ^-^

[cherrywine-sunnydiety]

When you fall asleep praying to Apollo for prophetic dreams you really get what you ask for lol

He was guiding me through different ‘dreams’ but we were observing from the outside and no one had any clue we were there so basically I was shown stuff I definitely shouldn’t have seen and that being said I need to establish more boundaries with him before he takes me on a grand tour of my future again!!

[whumperer-86]

Collapsed from Exhaustion but there is beautiful concern from his best friend

Bright Time ep15

[thewaitingluna]

In case nobody asks you today, how are you? are you tired? have you eaten? let's go to bed, i’ll hold you. we don’t have to talk. i promise.

[2-b-art-blog]

grandpa

if I were to have an actual puppet Home design, it would probably just be him ofnljfbojbrjoe

she smells like old person frrrr

[latimeria-fell-from-heaven]

Why she kinda..

it's the eyebags, if a character has eyebags and a tired, pathetic expression, their chances of being fuckable to the audience skyrockets <33