#exhilarating times

[septembersghost]

Didn't you get bullied for AdJaCeNcY 😭

bestie i got death threats, i got put on a LIST of evildoers for daring to let my mutuals exist and have fun while i mind my business, and all those years ago richard siken could've solved that with today's tweets. peace and love on planet earth

[fascinationstreetmp3]

even though he seems to have objections about the vampiric diet, really it feels like he's playing it up, acting in line with the human morals he's "supposed" to have (killing & eating people is wrong)

of course there's nothing he could really do about it, but daniel literally sits there and watches a guy get escorted off to be lunch for armand and only has some short jabs about it in response

he's even curious about it all, another thing he can add to his book

really, his priority is always his book and his own life. i do wonder how he would've reacted to someone being killed in front of him (since the fox seems to disturb him), but it's clear by the time he's speaking with louis in the finale he has no issue with taking lives to feed himself. imo it's something that was present and lurking within him for a long time before becoming a vampire

[judithbeasley]

[glitterghost]

Noah's voice is like when you're finally at that breaking point where the smallest, feather like movement of air will be all it takes for you to just absolutely fall over the edge, onto your knees, disintegrating into your feelings. His voice & those breathy vocal deliveries are that air, and I am on the floor, lying in the ashes of my emotions.

[etirabys]

me: goddamn, I reviewed some fiction I wrote merely 4 months ago and it feels like it was written by a completely different person with way more life in them. the past months have been rough. I need to stop waiting around taking it easy, waiting for my energy to come back. I should just do the hard things I'm putting off

brain: like rereading and reviewing Nick Lane's dense book on the origin of unicellular life in hydrothermal vents

me: noooo anything but that

[beastwhimsy]

worlds most gender lego person award

[absentlyabbie]

man i remember when my time at sandrock was still in development and there was some dev update introducing the town doctor character, fang, with his pretty delicate facial features and long shampoo-commercial hair, looking like every cliche of a "cold, reserved anime pretty boy" distilled

and then the update where they said they would make him romanceable/expand his backstory due to popular demand, and i rolled my eyes in utter disinterest at what looked like the same cardboard cutout love interest we've all seen a million times, cuz that is just not my bag, personally

and then i played the game and well fuck, so he's actually disabled due to deep childhood trauma, and you help him through his struggles to a place where it's less debilitating, learn he's extremely, passionately motivated to help others not suffer the way he did, and is in fact kind and awkward and a little bit of a dork

and oh no, whoops, i've tripped and fallen and married him

[mismatchsocks]

currently fixated on figuring out how wills living room is set up. having much fun!

[sleepy-aletheas]

The inherent tragedy of Aventurine's older sister being nameless messes with me daily. To love someone so much, clutching any memory close to the chest, any memento carefully kept hidden and never given for a better life, and yet there is the inherent thievery of time, robbing us of details we once held dear.

I like to chalk up her not having a name to him not remembering it anymore. He might have an inkling, but cannot be sure, and there is no one he can ask to clarify. He might remember her face if he tries, but can't confidently point to the shade of her eyes; he might remember the texture of her skin, but it's only an echo that feels like a dream. He remembers her voice so clearly, but her name uttered by others faded with the sands, and the memory is hazy to the point that even if he guessed correctly, it won't feel right.

There is so much loss in his life, often by external forces of greed and hatred; people were cruel and sometimes he might be even crueler to himself to feel in control. But in this inherently unjust destiny he is dragged through, time is taking the most precious thing he has from his past as Kakavasha - the memory of his big sister, the one who loved him the most and last - and there is no one that knows about her existence. She will be forgotten, not just because of the merciless sands of Sigonia and the cruel fate bestowed upon his people by others, but also eventually by him as time marches on, never turning back.

[chaos-of-the-abyss]

you guys know the talon-lock freefall death spiral bald eagles do for their courtship ritual? i think dior and nimloth had the same energy in their relationship

[getyinyusedtoit]

when it comes to qjj i tend to get on here and scream incessantly about cezhou because they are everything to me, they are THE couple, inventors and innovators of love, BUT. i need to somehow impart to you how amazing the plot is. the sheer amount of moving pieces on the board makes it seem so daunting when you initially start and there are quite a few threads that don't unravel right away (i would argue nothing is truly immediately revealed). you will be confused at certain points and you may sometimes feel like there are plot beats that are going to be left open ended. that's genuinely part of the fun, part of the experience as a whole. all questions are answered in time, all the plot beats get to where they're going, and everything gets tied up in such a satisfying manner that would be ruined if every answer was given immediately.

you are watching something SO big that was orchestrated SO meticulously by the various players from top to bottom and starting with no information. but every single time you learn something new and your brain starts to guess the next move or something gets revealed/circled back to and resolved it's beyond satisfying. the suspense and the intrigue of it all never feels stale or forced, seeing the old plots fall away and noticing where and when the new/current ones started to converge.

you really do feel like you have a personal stake in every aspect of the story, from start to finish, through every up and down. if you asked me to pick THE number one supreme story to me personally it's hands down this one. the romance of all time, meticulous attention to so many details, the consistency, the way every character feels so real, the sheer amount of emotions it was able to invoke in me??? yeah the award has to be given to qjj.

[foursaints]

during sex barty crawls on all fours and pants like a dog. just thought you should know.

DOES HE THOUGH??? (he's sniffing evan's neck and dragging him around by the ankle like a chew toy)

[kahixxi]

by Narayama Bakufu

[tallmadgeandtea]

HI EVERYONE!! It’s Oct. 12, which means that I have survived another year of The Conference and that my fellowship is truly over! (Bummed AND happy at the same time, very confusing.

The day started off rather… hectic. Ten minutes before I was set to leave, my dad called me to let me know his car was hit on the way up (everyone was fine) so we left TWO HOURS LATER, for an already 2 1/2 hour drive. But I made it, poster and all!

I was still shaken up come presentation time, but afterwards I had a great time explaining my project and my primary source readings in particular, which is good, because that’s what made my project stand out! I didn’t place (conferences have competitions, surprisingly) but people (Early Americanists in particular) enjoyed my presentation and my professor said that people also told HIM I did a great job so!

WE ARE BACK!!!!!

Also, finally uh… here’s the poster!

[murderousphoenix]

singapore gp is most likely gonna be like a one off non-redbull win but GOD i hope they choke in suzuka too i haven’t been this excited about a gp in literally forever

[kafkaoftherubble]

再谈JJK 236五条悟的心理刻画// I want to talk about Gojo's psychology in chapter 236 again 

I'm quite happy to say that my thoughts on CH236 have evolved—even if I still greatly dislike many of its executions, pacing, logic, and other storytelling issues. Previously, one of the things that really pissed me off is the character derailment Gojo Satoru suffered in CH236.

I'd mentioned before that the idea of the afterlife dream sequence is massively appealing to me. It's just that there are so many little things in it that sounded wrong enough that in the end, I wondered if I was looking at Mahito's Idle Transfiguration at work. As one person familiar with the JP side of Twitter reportedly saw (take it with a reasonable grain of salt for there is no link to the tweet, but no big deal):  "Gojo sensei didn't just die, it feels like his soul was killed as well."

However, unlike many detractors, my gripes were not centered on "Gojo dickriding Sukuna jobber mindset." I actually think the self-deprecation was perfectly valid for the human Satoru (my previous rant had more details on this). I thought it was humanizing to see him freely admitting his vulnerabilities. 

I was more offended at his downplaying his achievements as though he never had a chance. I thought someone who was as enlightened as he is in judging a person's strengths and weaknesses should be better at assessing his own feats instead of sounding like my pathetic ass whenever I talk about myself. I know I have a rather abysmal self-esteem issue, but nothing in the story indicated Satoru as possessing that trait. That loss of measured self-assessment was one of the things that made me reel. But after reading some comments on this Reddit post, I've come to realize I forgot a very important piece of context:

This is Satoru after he lost.  

Being the strongest was, by all the web of causes around him (his birth, the way people regard him, the things people keep pointing out about him, the system's assessment of him, etc.), a huge part of Satoru's sense of self. It did not necessarily matter if he himself truly believed "being the strongest" was all there was to him. See, even in the real world, there is no "true self" (yes, "there is no self" is one of my most steadfast scientific +/philosophical stances). There is, however, a social self; a person's sense of self is porous and dependent on the environment and society (which can break up into communities) they exist in, and it reflects back to the person who comes to accept it as their own personal narrative. Being the strongest was part of Satoru's fable; the world around him even decided that it was his raison d'être.  

So when he lost, it dealt a really hard blow to his understanding of who he believed he was. It didn't matter if he was enlightened in his judgment of people. One of the statements everyone, including himself, had taken as a fact had just been completely disproven. Why wouldn't he then express doubt on the rest of the "I am the strongest" narrative? Why wouldn't he start to become skeptical of his strengths and feats, to the point of seeing the opponent who bested him as more powerful than Sukuna really was?  

It's just another glimpse into his humanity. Who among us feels not a shred of self-doubt when we fail at what we believed we were good at?  

In this light, it became easier for me to reappraise his expression of doubt.

--------

There was a part when he made it sound as though he was trying to reach out to Sukuna and shit "all along", seemingly at the expense of his students, colleagues and adopted son. Make no mistake, the omission of his students and the goals Satoru made as himself (instead of as "the strongest") in this afterlife dream thingy is still bad.

Reaching out to Sukuna, though? I don't think it's necessarily OOC.  

See, Satoru shared many traits and inspirations from Shakyamuni, the historical Buddha. In line with those references, it's my interpretation that Satoru does not actually exhibit egoism—I know, it runs counter to the dominant understanding of Gojo's psychology in the JJK community—but self-less-ness. 

Not selflessness as in "altruism", but anattā--one of the Buddha's realizations upon his awakening (and again, a concept I strongly support. My best friend can tell you how much I talk about this. Hell, my blog description says as much). The way I see it, Satoru's confidence in himself is no different from his confidence in other people—it's all rooted in what he perceives this given "person" is capable of. To him, "Satoru" is simply another person who happens to be really good at a lot of things and so deserves to be praised and uplifted as anyone else who's good at what they do; the fact that this person happens to be himself is irrelevant*.  

*Note: I once had a YouTube comment discussion with someone, who was surprisingly knowledgeable on Buddhist philosophy, regarding the blurry line between selfishness and selflessness in Gojo. It was great; we discussed anattā and śūnyatā and ended at the Mādhyamaka (Mahayana) school. There, I expounded on why I interpret Satoru as "self-less" instead of "enlightened selfishness" in greater detail. I intend to transcribe it and preserve it here someday. Not now, though!  

When I put that understanding into CH236's context, it no longer shocks me to see Gojo wanting to reach out to Sukuna. For a self-less being, there are no distinctions between them ("them-self") and other beings ("other selves"). They are all psychocausal processes in the form of persons. Sukuna is, therefore, "another person" in Satoru's eyes.

Sukuna is a person who's the strongest in his time and was worshipped and feared—not seen as human but as a calamity embodied in a living creature. Note that Satoru's empathy for Sukuna didn't make him condone Sukuna's way of living as "the strongest" (i.e. hedonistic egoist) even in his bare-my-soul afterlife sequence; he merely expressed an understanding of Sukuna's psychology. That understanding led to Satoru expressing compassion to a person who was burdened by being too strong at the top—it was even doubly easy for him to empathize because of Satoru's own lived experience. You can see why Satoru then tried to alleviate Sukuna's suffering in a way he believed could work: giving his all, through humor, etc. These are likely what Satoru wanted someone else to do for him.  

You can trace this same attitude in the way he mentored his students. He didn't hold back much (ask Yuta and Hakari again how it feels to be punched by their sensei). He regaled his students (and sometimes colleagues) with excessive humor. He was unabashedly "giving his all"—his childishness and "annoying narcissistic ass" and insanity—to those he especially believed to be liable for being lonely, whether it's because of strength or perceived danger (Yuta, Yuji), circumstances (Yuji, Megumi), life experience (Maki, Nobara), mindset (Nanami, Hakari), etc. It could be gleaned even as far back as his interaction with Riko Amanai when he started to see her less as a job and more as "a person", and so recognized the sort of isolation and alienation Riko was starting to feel as a Star Plasma Vessel. He did the same thing with her—trying to alleviate her suffering through what he believed was best. And yes, he gave his all even back then (no sleep for 3 days, guys.)

---------

Gah the translator for this chapter is fucking amazing! I'm jealous! Also, "I love everyone" is poignant, I think, as it paralleled what was in his head during his awakening ("I don't hate anyone.") 

The choice Gege made in depicting the "flower" as lotuses has become subject to various theories. After all, it symbolizes rebirth in some cultures and interpretations. I think it's a valid point for his comeback theories (though I dare not allow myself to hope), but those aside, I actually simply thought of it as yet another allusion to Satoru's connection to Sakyamuni.

Pink lotuses symbolize Buddhahood—a bloomed one is a Buddha; a bud is a Buddha in the making. In Mahayana Buddhism, everyone supposedly has a Buddha nature and is therefore capable of liberation the way Sakyamuni did. They simply need the knowledge (dhamma)... and The Noble's Eightfold Paths/The Noble Eightfold Path taught by a teacher, of course. Gotta subscribe to the course, aye? 

This translation actually made me realize that yes, Satoru did mention his students... in a very annoyingly subtle way. 

I don't think these lotuses refer to himself. I think they refer to his students. 

Hear me out. His goal has always been to raise a generation that could all be strong, so that no one has to be lonely again... including Gojo Satoru (a.k.a. himself), because this would be a world that no longer needs him. To match it with the Buddhist allegory: Satoru, "the Buddha", is trying to raise all of these lotus flowers ("buddhas-in-making") to bloom.  

He can make his students bloom (his goal of raising them). He can admire his students (he's proud of them). But he cannot tell his students to "understand him."

Ultimately, he seems to think his students—or anyone, really—don't actually understand how lonely it is to be up here. He doesn't resent it ("I don't feel lonely now"), but it's still an experience that predisposed him to find some resonance in Sukuna. I find it plausible that perhaps, in Satoru's mind, Sukuna is no different from his students in some regards. It certainly fits the trait of a Buddha/Boddhisattva—to be capable of compassion even to creatures and beings most of us wouldn't be.  

(Or maybe this feeling comes even more easily considering the fact that Sukuna is wearing Megumi's face.) 

---------------------------

Now, I know this is already a long read, but my evolved thoughts are not done yet! This is concerning what I previously saw as the biggest character assassination: Nanami and Haibara's comment on Satoru's character. They basically painted him as a dude who really just did it for his pleasure and no loftier goals. The fact that Satoru didn't even deny it was just crap.

But someone pointed out that the face he made was a frown—Satoru was actually upset that this was what Nanami believed.

Now, I've always been crap at discerning emotions, which extend to expressions. I've interpreted his expression as Satoru feeling embarrassed for being called out or accused. But honestly, it also makes sense to think that this is Satoru frowning at the fact that he's still being misunderstood even after death. He likely didn't bother to correct Nanami because he rather asked Nanami how he felt when he died.  

And that, I think, actually dives into heavy meta.  

A sizeable number of those who decry Satoru as OOC in his death were upset that the man didn't show his signature self-assuredness, arrogance, and "winner mindset" (this is the gripe I personally disliked the most because it's close to turning Satoru into this Alpha Male egoist role model), and is all-around "acting like a jobber." It's as if they like Satoru because he's the strongest—not because he's Gojo Satoru.  

Some, meanwhile, were seething to see him praising Sukuna and trying to reach out to him, calling it OOC glazing, meatriding, etc.  

Even those who like him for his character and traits, such as myself, ended up upset at what we believed Satoru was not showing.  

Satoru is showing a side of his humanity and it was confusing to a lot of us in big and small ways, for different reasons. A good chunk of it is still, I maintain, the problem with Gege's execution. 

But in a meta-sense... 

It kinda shows that we don't understand him completely either.  

We're kinda being Nanami here. We think we get Gojo Satoru, but then sometimes, we don't... at least not until we try to understand him on his own terms. 

What's Gojo famous for?

For being the strongest, most handsome motherfucker who's cool and cocky as fuck with cool-ass OP powers and all that meme-worthy stuff.

He's famous for being Gege's "most hated character," for the jokes about him having zero personality, etc.

Famous for being MAPPA's golden child with glossy ass lips and eyes that burden their animating budget.

He's sexy and hot; fuck did you see what he did to Jogo in Shibuya? He's feral and insane; fuck did you see what he did to Hanami? Or that time he turned Toji into a donut? He's bombastic and larger than life.

He sometimes feels unreal, like an alien. Some people hate him, and some people adore him to bits.  

But it takes some digging and analysis for us to realize that Gege lied about him having no personality. Because Satoru is one of the most fleshed-out characters he's ever created. He had more human sides to him that surprised even us—we didn't know he was capable of self-deprecation. We didn't know he was so compassionate he tried to reach out to the villain as if he was Naruto fucking Uzumaki. We suspected other things, like his loneliness at the top, but most of us believed Satoru was more gleeful and smug about being at the top than being angsty about it.  

Maybe this was what Gege was trying to do. Or...maybe he didn't intentionally try to do this, and simply fumbled and messed up his way to genius meta-hood (honestly who knows by this point).

Either way, CH236 could be read as an experiment on how right Satoru was about him never being understood. There are just that many larger-than-life projections/assumptions imposed on him—with "he's the strongest" as the most dominant narrative. He was a "living creature" experiencing alienation and dehumanization, even when surrounded and loved by his admirers and supporters, despite sharing everyone's common thread of the human condition.

All he could do when we argued about how weird he was because he didn't fit what we believed... was to frown and move on.

---------

Extra thought:

I know it's a conspiracy theory by this point that Gege did Satoru dirty because Gojo is his least favorite character, but I really think Gege is joking. If CH236 sucks in its execution of Gojo's afterlife sequence, it's because Gege hasn't been doing emotional beats and characterization well for a long time by now. Not because he hates Gojo.

Think about it—Gege hasn't cared to pause the battle for some deep-cut emotional shit since the Culling Game arc, and yet CH236 is where the battle takes the backstage (so backstage it's a fucking OFFSCREEN DEATH. COME ON, GREG!). Every panel in that chapter was drawn with details and care, and he took a step back from the fighting just to give Gojo even more characterization and flesh.  

Guys, I really think Gege loves Gojo.

Him bashing Gojo is him teasing Gojo the way Gojo teases other people like Utahime and Nanami and Megumi. He doesn't really know how to show his love for Gojo in the manga because his executions do miss, but I think he crafted Gojo lovingly. He fucking loves him. I think I'm actually willing to bet on this.

----

The evolution of my CH236-centric ramble goes from here, to here, to this. I also wanna shout out to the answer in that Reddit post that helped me understand the emotional beat of CH236 better (which allowed me to realize something else). I don't have a Reddit account though. I ghost-read!

Thank you for reading my ramble.