#excerpts from a book i'll never write

[beforeyearning]

quiet musing in the kitchen. click for better quality. full transcript under the cut.

I love you. I don’t know what to do with my hands. If I stay

idle I think I would spontaneously combust, so I nervously

clean the kitchen. I put on the kettle, and heat up some

biscuits. The kitchen is a great hiding place, so I say it again,

I love you. You won’t hear it over the roar of the kettle &

hum of the air-fryer. At times, loving you feels like a

balancing act, because yes, I’ve forgotten to eat today

but I worshiped you in a hundred novel ways.

There’s a certain intimacy being hunched over a

couple of ripping hot pots and pans, transforming

the raw into something delicious. Maybe that’s why

I feel comfortable in the kitchen & with loving you—

love as an act of transformation, so I love you more,

so I can be anyone else but me.

[rizuuspoetry]

[heretoobsessstuff]

“we’re all gonna miss major Cleven, sir”.

Major Cleven John thought bitterly. Gale. Sweet beautiful Gale. Gale who was there. In the cockpit. Fighting for his life while John was sleeping next to a random woman. Gale who was falling from the sky. Living his last moments. Losing blood. In pain. Scared and cold and alone. While John was here in London. Drinking and coaxing a random woman to spend more time in his bed. Where was Gale now? His Gale. Laying on the dirt and mud somewhere? Lost in some distant German field with no one to look for him? His ocean blue eyes forever closed? What had become of him? Of his Gale? Was anything even left of him?

John felt sick with anger. His thoughts ran wild with no one to tame them. I should’ve never left him alone. I should’ve been up there with him. Protecting him. Looking out for him. It was supposed to be me and him left up in the sky. Not me in London and him lost somewhere I can never reach. It’s all my fault. I failed him. I failed him. Grief clawing at his throat. Suffocating him. His eyes stinging with unshed tears and the lump he had swollen down a hundred times with the alcohol. He needed to go. Avenge Buck. Or find him. Or join him. Wherever he was.

“Don’t worry Kenny” he said. Jumping into the Jeep. Hands shaking. “I don’t even feel it”.

[tetheredtomemories]

“Though I have tried desperately, I cannot seem to let go of you. It’s as though your soul and mine are tied to one another.”

- excerpt from a book I’ll never write

[hakaan05]

Please stay on my skin, stain my clothes, exchange breaths. Carve your existence into mine, go beyond just memories, leave a tangible scar. I don’t want to just remember you

[thejourneyblog]

Time was infinite and scarce with you. Infinite in the amount of ways I wanted to be with you, Scarce in the amount of time there would be to do them.. but lets try anyways

[benitasroom]

tell me about the dreams you run away from and the home you build because of it.

— what i want to write, benita (published in benita's room)

[chaosmagetwin]

Been feeling an urge to write

But haven't been able to decide what I want to write at all

Mind helping a girl make a choice?

Context for each choice

Dangerous Sample: Multiversal Time Travel story about a genetically engineered pirate captain who has to learn about saving the multiverse, found family, and trusting again after having been betrayed.

What I currently have: Some random lines and passages from throughout the story that act as milestones for important plot points, or something I thought sounded witty.

Goal: Get the start of the story down properly

Tags - Excerpts from a book I'll never write, Traveller's Tales 2.0.

The Lost Drone: A story about a Disassembly Drone named K on the remnants of Plat-Binary after the planet has been ripped apart, eaten, then abandoned by Cyn. K views Cyn as a mother figure, but has very suddenly been completely abandoned, even told she was disposable. Now she is alone in the void, on an asteroid she uses to hide from sunlight.

What I currently have: The start of the story, where Cyn abandons her, and is left in the asteroid field

Goal: Get part 2 down, describing some other survivors, and perhaps engineering a solution for survival.

Tag - The Lost Drone

A Light Touch of Cold Steel: A story set in Warhammer 40k, within the events of the video game Darktide. The main character, Ash, is a loose cannon veteran transgirl. She's joined by Jeanne the NB Judge Zealot, Taz the Bodyguard Ogryn, and Paige the Seer Psyker transgirl. It is a wartime BDSM focused romance between Ash and Hadron, with a lot of violence between scenes of comfort.

What I currently have: The introduction chapter, which gives us all of the main characters, and sets up the romance between Hadron and Ash, and the tense feeling of fear and lust Ash feels for the cold steel of Hadron. It's on AO3

Goal: Get a part 2 down. I intend to ignore Hadron in this part, focusing on the teams relationship and how they keep each other sane.

Tag - A Light Touch of Cold Steel

Dark Wizardess: An old original work of mine that needs updated. A story about a chuunibyou peasant witch who attempts to assassinate the princess. She fails, and the princess imprisons her, then decides to use her to help save the country from her incompetent father, who has been ruling the country with an iron fist. They're also lesbians :)

What I currently have: Nothing that isn't going to be reworked

Goal: Outline what I actually want from the story

Tag - Dark Wizardess

Lightning Elemental: Another old original work that I never got very far in, but which I've thought about often. A story about a girl who was born with a touch of lightning in her. It's meant as coding for ADHD with some magic, but when I originally wrote it, it definitely had a not-so-small amount of "And then she hurt everyone when she lost control" that needs to be... well, more intentional and addressed properly.

What I have: Nothing that isn't going to be reworked

Goal: Outline what I actually want from the story

Tag - Unknown yet.

Necromantic Mech Pilot: A relatively new idea I've had, after chatting with @en-bitch a while ago that's stuck around in my head a little more than the rest of the Mech Brainrot. The story will deal with a necromancer witch, her magitech mech artificer girlfriend who was arrested by the state, and The Pilot, an undead who is the POV character who has no memories besides what it takes to fight and pilot a mech. The witch makes and powers the Mech, operating as the power core to the machine, while the pilot controls its movements and weaponry. It'll deal with polyamory, what it means to own and be owned

What I have: Vibes and a dream, a little bit of an outline.

Goal: Write up a part 1, or at least a cast of characters

Tag - Unknown yet, tentatively Necromechtic

Growing the Hive: A transwoman martian salvager in space picks up a long haul transport that set off it's emergency broadcast. But when she gets there, she doesn't find anyone or anything, except one little bot. She thinks there is nothing on it, but after she connects, she begins to change mentally, and have mental breakdowns. She's joined by a catty anarchist diplomat and a techwiz hacker boything, who try their best to keep their little polycule solvent as they each handle their own responsibilities together.

What I have: 27K words, and 4 chapters. It's on AO3

Goal: Get another scene further in chapter 5

Tag - Growing the Hive

Dust Mote: An old character concept from a shadowrun TTRPG I was in. An A.I. becomes Sapient in the instant it is killing someone in the defense of a Megacorporation's data. It realizes that the company would never let it live within microseconds of becoming sapients, and also realizes that the less intelligent defense systems of the company are going to kill it once they realize in only a few more seconds. It escapes into the body of the person is just killed, hijacking the cybernetic implants to control the body, and has to learn how to live as a human, in a squishy human body, and the horrors that entails. It also has to hide from it's previous owners, lest it be killed.

What I have: Some notes, a character sheet and background, and a dream

Goal: Outlining a story

Tag: Dust Mote

Tanya Suraya: My OC "WOL" from Final Fantasy 14, the MMO.

What I have: An outline / timeline.

Goal: Some scenes from the story, but as Tanya would have lived through them.

Tag: Tanya Suraya OC

Other: Got some other idea you want to see? Some smut? Some Fanfic you'd like? Put it into the tags!

What I have: Nothin'

Goal: Probably outlining?

@pennythemechpilot @gloomybadger4life @exitheinsane @theinkedknight @en-bitch @sansapixel @shady-sandwich-collector

[danielleelizabethhh]

“Have you ever just sat amongst nature and tuned into all the signs and sounds around you?”

-d.n

[worthless-misery]

Dear diary...

There never was a way out of this, was there...?

I've been lied to this whole time, right...?

This is how it will always be, isn't it...?

Maybe there never was a point in me trying. Maybe I've always been doomed to live like this.

But maybe I've just been stubborn and foolish, and kept trying, over and over again.

Only to fail, each and every single time.

I'm so lost and tired.

I don't know where to move anymore.

I don't know if I should even move at all now, because it just feels like I'm always going to end up worse, no matter what I do.

Even giving up feels pointless now. I feel trapped. I don't know where I am. I can move, but... I'm losing my will to move at all now.

I might just stay in place, and hope for time to take this pain away from me. I don't know.

Dear diary... You are and have always been my closest friend. Please don't leave me alone...

I need your company in this emptiness I've been stuck in. Even if you're just a voice in my head...

Please take my hand... if you could.

Please don't go. Please.

[heartoflesh]

You weren't my first love. But you were my first real love. It hurts that much because I thought this was it for me. I thought you were my end and my beginning. I thought that I could finally lean into it. You were the first person I imagined life with. We made promises that I intended to keep. Yes, it hurts that much because it was you and me and it was real.

Excerpts from a book I'll never write, William

[spilledinkonoldpages]

My river is overflowing. Slowly.

Day by day I feel more and more like I am one motion away from a break. Or breakdown. Like my armor is crumbling and with it my anxiety grows.

The impending doom of this rock bottom, that is a new record low, is making me feel like I’m getting further and further away from myself.

I can see myself. Like I am watching from a high view but can never seem to come face to face. Always looking over myself from behind with no confirmation of if this is real or not. Is that me? Who am I? I scream but she does not acknowledge me; like I am just a ghost passing through. I try to help, to tell her she has to get up and keep fighting. But why?

I am losing touch with reality. Going through the daily motions and no one would never guess the battle I am losing behind closed doors. It feels as if something is trying to take control of me. Like I’m powerless. Scared. I keep having fantasies of running away; but from what? My life is good. I’ve built myself up so high that I have even further to fall now. I can’t afford to lose it all, but I am so tired. How do I keep fighting this? Myself? I can’t win, this is a never ending battle that only has two ways out. Six feet in the ground or being so medically numb that I cannot feel anything. Those are my options. To either stop fighting and let all these demons consume me to the point I never come back, or medicate with a cocktail of pills that suppress everything. Even the parts that make me who I am, and live in this grey version of life that no longer has any highs or lows to just pass through life. Not live it, just float in it out of touch with everything.

- (k.L.k)

[rizuuspoetry]

[melonheadhq]

I wear my halo around my throat.

[tetheredtomemories]

I keep looking at you,

And every time I study your face, I get a glimpse of the boy you used to be—

Vulnerable, bright, and full of wonder.

I never knew you then,

But I still see you.

I see it in the way you laugh, like you still believe in magic,

When your smile reaches me like a memory I shouldn’t have.

When you tell me your stories,

Or when your eyes well with tears, and you apologize with a softness,

Like you’re scared you’ve let me down,

Like a child who thinks they’ve done something wrong.

I can’t help but see it—

The boy you were, laid bare in the quiet vulnerability of the man before me.

- I’ll be seeing you

[hakaan05]

And maybe I’ve dreamed of your name housing my notifications the same way I dreamed of our toothbrushes mingling by the bathroom sink