#excerpts from a book i'll never write

[hakaan05]

And after you I might never be lonely, haunted with the ghost of your touches that keep me company at night.

Im glad I met you

[beforeyearning]

quiet musing in the kitchen. click for better quality. full transcript under the cut.

I love you. I don’t know what to do with my hands. If I stay

idle I think I would spontaneously combust, so I nervously

clean the kitchen. I put on the kettle, and heat up some

biscuits. The kitchen is a great hiding place, so I say it again,

I love you. You won’t hear it over the roar of the kettle &

hum of the air-fryer. At times, loving you feels like a

balancing act, because yes, I’ve forgotten to eat today

but I worshiped you in a hundred novel ways.

There’s a certain intimacy being hunched over a

couple of ripping hot pots and pans, transforming

the raw into something delicious. Maybe that’s why

I feel comfortable in the kitchen & with loving you—

love as an act of transformation, so I love you more,

so I can be anyone else but me.

[rizuuspoetry]

[heretoobsessstuff]

“we’re all gonna miss major Cleven, sir”.

Major Cleven John thought bitterly. Gale. Sweet beautiful Gale. Gale who was there. In the cockpit. Fighting for his life while John was sleeping next to a random woman. Gale who was falling from the sky. Living his last moments. Losing blood. In pain. Scared and cold and alone. While John was here in London. Drinking and coaxing a random woman to spend more time in his bed. Where was Gale now? His Gale. Laying on the dirt and mud somewhere? Lost in some distant German field with no one to look for him? His ocean blue eyes forever closed? What had become of him? Of his Gale? Was anything even left of him?

John felt sick with anger. His thoughts ran wild with no one to tame them. I should’ve never left him alone. I should’ve been up there with him. Protecting him. Looking out for him. It was supposed to be me and him left up in the sky. Not me in London and him lost somewhere I can never reach. It’s all my fault. I failed him. I failed him. Grief clawing at his throat. Suffocating him. His eyes stinging with unshed tears and the lump he had swollen down a hundred times with the alcohol. He needed to go. Avenge Buck. Or find him. Or join him. Wherever he was.

“Don’t worry Kenny” he said. Jumping into the Jeep. Hands shaking. “I don’t even feel it”.

Read Another drabble from Gale’s POV here:

[tetheredtomemories]

“Though I have tried desperately, I cannot seem to let go of you. It’s as though your soul and mine are tied to one another.”

- excerpt from a book I’ll never write

[thejourneyblog]

Time was infinite and scarce with you. Infinite in the amount of ways I wanted to be with you, Scarce in the amount of time there would be to do them.. but lets try anyways

[benitasroom]

tell me about the dreams you run away from and the home you build because of it.

— what i want to write, benita (published in benita's room)

[danielleelizabethhh]

“Have you ever just sat amongst nature and tuned into all the signs and sounds around you?”

-d.n

[worthless-misery]

Dear diary...

There never was a way out of this, was there...?

I've been lied to this whole time, right...?

This is how it will always be, isn't it...?

Maybe there never was a point in me trying. Maybe I've always been doomed to live like this.

But maybe I've just been stubborn and foolish, and kept trying, over and over again.

Only to fail, each and every single time.

I'm so lost and tired.

I don't know where to move anymore.

I don't know if I should even move at all now, because it just feels like I'm always going to end up worse, no matter what I do.

Even giving up feels pointless now. I feel trapped. I don't know where I am. I can move, but... I'm losing my will to move at all now.

I might just stay in place, and hope for time to take this pain away from me. I don't know.

Dear diary... You are and have always been my closest friend. Please don't leave me alone...

I need your company in this emptiness I've been stuck in. Even if you're just a voice in my head...

Please take my hand... if you could.

Please don't go. Please.

[heartoflesh]

You weren't my first love. But you were my first real love. It hurts that much because I thought this was it for me. I thought you were my end and my beginning. I thought that I could finally lean into it. You were the first person I imagined life with. We made promises that I intended to keep. Yes, it hurts that much because it was you and me and it was real.

Excerpts from a book I'll never write, William

[spilledinkonoldpages]

My river is overflowing. Slowly.

Day by day I feel more and more like I am one motion away from a break. Or breakdown. Like my armor is crumbling and with it my anxiety grows.

The impending doom of this rock bottom, that is a new record low, is making me feel like I’m getting further and further away from myself.

I can see myself. Like I am watching from a high view but can never seem to come face to face. Always looking over myself from behind with no confirmation of if this is real or not. Is that me? Who am I? I scream but she does not acknowledge me; like I am just a ghost passing through. I try to help, to tell her she has to get up and keep fighting. But why?

I am losing touch with reality. Going through the daily motions and no one would never guess the battle I am losing behind closed doors. It feels as if something is trying to take control of me. Like I’m powerless. Scared. I keep having fantasies of running away; but from what? My life is good. I’ve built myself up so high that I have even further to fall now. I can’t afford to lose it all, but I am so tired. How do I keep fighting this? Myself? I can’t win, this is a never ending battle that only has two ways out. Six feet in the ground or being so medically numb that I cannot feel anything. Those are my options. To either stop fighting and let all these demons consume me to the point I never come back, or medicate with a cocktail of pills that suppress everything. Even the parts that make me who I am, and live in this grey version of life that no longer has any highs or lows to just pass through life. Not live it, just float in it out of touch with everything.

- (k.L.k)

[hakaan05]

Please stay on my skin, stain my clothes, exchange breaths. Carve your existence into mine, go beyond just memories, leave a tangible scar. I don’t want to just remember you

[coffeeandpoetrydarling]

And what else is there to do after someone tells you that they don’t love you any more except fall apart with the moon and put yourself back together when the sun comes up?

[rizuuspoetry]

[reaganlovesslushies]

nobody will ever full understand you and isn’t that a beautiful thing!!!!!!!!!!!

[tetheredtomemories]

I keep looking at you,

And every time I study your face, I get a glimpse of the boy you used to be—

Vulnerable, bright, and full of wonder.

I never knew you then,

But I still see you.

I see it in the way you laugh, like you still believe in magic,

When your smile reaches me like a memory I shouldn’t have.

When you tell me your stories,

Or when your eyes well with tears, and you apologize with a softness,

Like you’re scared you’ve let me down,

Like a child who thinks they’ve done something wrong.

I can’t help but see it—

The boy you were, laid bare in the quiet vulnerability of the man before me.

- I’ll be seeing you