#except you can lean on me
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no lean on me,
i'm not reliable,
#relatable#signs#signs from the universe#except you can lean on me#always here#never far#never alone#emotional#solitude#my photos
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[WIP] Probably not gonna finish anytime soon since I'm making it between work and projects as rest time
#kamen rider#kamen rider geats#kr geats#keiwa sakurai#black general bujin sword#kamen rider tycoon#wip#buffa is also here but he's lying on the cold hard corner lol#as op posts this she's past episode 45#but as you can see i'm still coping 41 lkjhgfdsdfg#and btw episode 44 iS A MASTER PIECE WORK OF ART#tycoon vs buffa couple quarrel gang fight plus fantasy na-go is the world i wished for - amen geats#45 is kinda bad and i'm forbidden to see previews except what my friend sends me#aND HE SENT ME 46'S TITLE AND IM— yelp (:#art talk now this lineart style takes time since I'm basically painting in bw#but it also hides the fact i'm drawing these designs for the first time lol#ok buffa is the 3rd but the other two were all in shadow lolol#anyway it's a sort of study for me#plus my freelance work is full comic coloring - i literally flat and render everyday since 2k21 i think?#its just natural i lean to do something different as a treat
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so i started this show and it just gets worse and worseeeee not only did it lift the romance subplot directly from twilight (and not well) but they also are trying to play the forbidden love angle hard in the fantasy racism vein except it's a "cross-species" relationship between the two whitest people i've ever seen in my life and there are three people of color in the whole (first season of the) show who aren't villains and it seems that every other episode (and sometimes ebery episode and sometimes twice an episode!) there is a man physically or magically subjugating a woman and i keep waiting for the big reveal at the end to be stolen from fucking rainbow rowell
#yes i read 'carry on' by rainbow rowell in middle school what else could you have possibly expected from me. anyway she gives me simon snow#vibes and not in a good way and she's even blonde while her british vampire boyfriend has dark dark hair and just. you will never be basil.#also i hate to be that guy but the writing has made me physically recoil and the acting almost reads as silly but mostly as middling :/ and#i wanted and expected more from matthew goode bc i really liked him in downton but i guess this is a 2018 bbc modern vampire fantasty serie#like i guess.#also there's SO much shit about bloodlines and maybe i'm gay with a blood disorder amd a family history of adoption but like. who fucking#careeessssssssss it ahould not be that serious. why is it that serious.#also the fantasy racism kind of reads like it's mesnt to be? homophobic adjacent? like there's a Lot of 'love who you love' talk going on#for the single most bland heterosexual relationship i've ever seen on a screen like there is so little chemistry? so little#anyway it's called 'a discovery of witches' and i'd recommend not watching it 🫶 or if you do then watch it on 1.5x speed#it's been decent background noise for knitting bc i kinda sorta care about the plot but if miss a chunk bc i'm in the lace chart zone i do#not care and i do not have to go back to catch it bc the writing is so transparent#there was another series it stole from that's escaping me atm but when i noticed it pissed me off a touch. hmm maybe it will come back to m#a post#do not watch this show#I REMEMBERED they wanted the juliette holding diana captive moment to be joaquin's 'i want to watch you fuck her' from sense8 SOOOOO BAD bu#it WASN'T bc they were too afraid to lean into anything that would make juliette interesting at all. for being all about the world's most#special blonde woman this show does not seem to like women very much. sad! well there's other shows#OH ALSO ALSO there are 3 magical 'creature' species which are witch + vampire + femon except the demons don't seem? to have any magical#abilities that humans don't have besides sensing the species of other creatures? like witches can cast spells and vampires do their various#vampire things but demons have nothing going for them except disproportionately high rates of homelessness and suicide?? like girl what are#we doingggggggg what are we doing here !! what's their deal why does no one care !! can they do anything or no !! god this show sucks
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well that's just a lie
#ash plays bg3#bg3#gale#gale dekarios#personal#look. im used to the way he looks now. im cool with it. but she shouldnt be!#this was an interesting conversation tho. i know ive been leaning into him following his own ambitions but--#the dialogue options along those lines are becoming a lot more direct in a way that doesnt quite fit with how im playing#the gale that im playing isnt going around pronouncing that he's gonna take over the world (because that's not what he's actually planning)#so im not completely sure how to play this. i saved before so i can go through it a few times to work out what i want to say#(ftr i have no qualms at all about reloading in this game. i dont feel bad in the slightest. im playing this game for fun)#ultimately i dont think it matters too much what i say here unless i choose some really extreme options. which isnt my plan anyway#but it's important to me. im enjoying the roleplay aspect#it's also pretty funny that ive only had one long rest since the one where i fucked the emperor. i should be able to tell her that lmao#like hey yeah a lot's happened since we last spoke#but anyway if you say you're gonna take the crown yourself she says 'if it doesnt crush you i will' which is fun#gonna stick with the 'im not sure' option. and all my companions are saying such nice things to me about it :')#except wyll and jaheira. come on guys#and lae'zel but that's because she's been kidnapped so. rip. should probably make that a priority but i like progressing main quests LAST
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Welcome to my little meta analysis essay called
Why do we misremember Flower Husbands as being “nicer” than it was?
Disclaimer: I’m not here to talk about whether or not FH is “toxic” or anything like that. It’s just a fact that many old fans rewatching FH POV and new fans who are watching it for the first time after seeing fan content tend to be surprised at how they actually behaved in the series compared to how everyone remembered them being back in the day. This will NOT go over whether or not I think FH is unhealthy or whatever and instead just discuss why I believe this phenomenon has happened.
So, if I try to make this a fancy well written essay, I’ll be here all day, so I’ll just get to the point. 3rd Life came out during the DSMP era of mcyt. MCRP has been around for ages, but the DSMP style of RP (which I’ll be calling “smp rp”) was pretty much popularized by DSMP, mostly towards the end of 2020. For reference, 3rd Life started early 2021, so there’s about a half a year between these two events, and DSMP kept going for years so 3rd Life was absolutely happening during the golden era of DSMP.
But what does DSMP have to do with this? Well, it sort of created this idea of “lore” and only specific things being “canon”. You can make fun of me for the way I worded that, but you know what I mean, DSMP was weird about that stuff. I don’t really blame them as it was kind of a new style of RP they accidentally spawned, but still, it was a confusing time for SMPs.
3rd Life was actually less like DSMP and more like the modern SMP RPs, where there’s no (known, lol) scripted events and the fandom itself deciphers what is or isn’t “canon” rather than it being told to them, with mostly everything being considered canon. HOWEVER, I do believe that DSMP’s style did still affect the fandom, specifically with the topic of this essay, Flower Husbands.
But why would it only really affect Flower Husbands? Now we get into a rough topic: shipping discourse. Back in those days, shipping in the mcyt fandom was heavily frowned upon. Moreso than it is today (I know it’s still around, but it was a lot worse the earlier we go lol). I’ve even seen old relics of ppl saying flower husbands should only be portrayed as platonic cuz it’s wrong to ship them, despite their team name literally being husbands. But more importantly, for A LOT of people, flower husbands was the One Ship people felt “allowed” to ship, BECAUSE it was canon. So they would allow FH and shun every other ship.
My point isn’t actually that, with it being the only “acceptable” ship everyone tried to make it more wholesome, though I suppose that could be a contributor. But my ACTUAL point is where all the things I laid out finally close in on each other:
Ships were a Dangerous territory in mcyt fandom, and ships being “canon” was something a lot of people weren’t prepared to deal with. People don’t want to get too close to RPF territory, but back in the day their ideas of c! vs cc! wasn’t as great, so they default to the DSMP Rule of “if it’s stated to be roleplay, then it’s canon to the characters, if not, it’s noncanon and just the CCs hanging out”.
You see where I’m going with this? When trying to follow this rule for a character relationship where they don’t explicitly state what is or isn’t RP, they hear “we’re married” and instantly mark that as canon to the characters since it clearly isn’t true to the CCs, and tend to block out anything else, otherwise you’re risking it not actually being true to the characters. Especially when it’s things like Scott saying something mean about Jimmy; that directly contradicts the “these characters are in love” thing, so it must not be canon, right?
But wouldn’t people still remember that these things happened, or did they actually straight up not process any of it? My answer to that is: of course everyone was paying attention, but with the context that it’s the CCs playing a video game, all of the teasing and other behavior seems WAY less serious. It just looks like average friends playing a hunger games smp together. And as I explained earlier, the fandom was ONLY processing this as a CC thing, so Scott’s treatment of Jimmy never stood out because that’s just how it is playing games.
Back to DSMP, I’m not active in that fandom anymore but I’ll see snippets sometimes, and I’ve seen the claim that beeduo was actually boring in canon and the fandom was the one that made it interesting. I feel like this is exactly what happened with FH. Nobody was actually expecting anyone to go hard into romantic roleplay, so the fans just take whichever pair says they’re getting married and fill in the blanks themselves. And that was normal back then, it wasn’t fans making stuff up for no reason, it was kind of expected of us.
So yeah, I personally believe that this whole confusion about FH is a result of its time. Whether you want to finally look at the actual substance of the relationship rather than following weird rules about what is or isn’t “canon”, or you believe that since FH was from a time where romantic RP was confusing and weird it would make the most sense to take into account the time period it came from and ignore the less appealing bits in favor of the fanon, I don’t really care honestly. But man isn’t this an interesting situation.
#trafficblr#life series#flower husbands#again this is NOT about whether or not FH is healthy. it’s only about the meta.#if you want to ask me my honest opinions on if FH is toxic you can ask but not on this post lol.#I do stand by my last paragraph that I honestly couldn’t care less if some fans choose to ignore canon due to the time period#tho I personally lean more towards ‘maybe now we should ACTUALLY look at what happened’#I still think ppl have a right to focus more on the fanon. cuz that’s just how weird FH was. but I wanna focus on the canon personally.#this all sort of just comes back around to that ‘what is or isn’t canon is entirely different depending on who you ask’#it’s usually pretty decently consistent what ppl consider canon or noncanon but FH was stuck in a weird situation so it’s the exception#like I said in an old post that still gets notes. regardless of ur opinion on FH it had to break thru so many walls for us and we should#thank it. the fandom would’ve PROBABLY made it to this point EVENTUALLY but without FH it would’ve been harder. thank u FH ur so weird.
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Man I just finished Babel and I was excited to read discussions online because there's so much going on in it with so many little things and just....angry white people. Everywhere. Truly a dead dove moment.
#the “you can't trust white people” theme might be a little like...aggressive but gosh you are not wrong#rf kuang#it was such a good depiction imo#it felt so much like explaining to white (or sometimes black) people what the problem is#especially felt like explaining being queer to straight people#i feel like a lot of people have at least a vague intellectual understanding of racism even if they don't see the racism#babel an arcane history#babel or the necessity of violence#also she captured a fair bit of mixed race and chinese diaspora feelings#also also i can see the relationship to the secret history and the fact that this is a rebuttal of dark academia while being dark academia#also realizing i dislike dark academia tbh#just...the ye olde university feeling is not my style#hence i went to engineering school where it had a je ne sais quois that i think is widespread neurodivergence#the good old boys clubs just do not interest me and i cannot really care about their lifestyles#it's not bad mind you it's just not for me#babel however is the exception that made me realize i dislike dark academia#hated the cloisters#got a rec for the secret history and had negative interest in that#i really want more and better depictions of engineering school and like...any similar experiences to what i had#they just do things like the social network where it's still a rich kid good old boys club but now with “nerds” who are just business majors#like the big tech guys of the modern era are primarily business guys not like...building computers in their basement#give me aome barely functional people who lean heavily into being weird once they go to school and they have hijinks like#updating archlinux and giving the other people shots if you get xyz system working again#first to get x11 back? REST OF YOU SHOTS. first to get internet back? SHOTS. sound? SHOTS. window manager? SHOTS.#or like...drama over your roommate not knowing how to do basic adult things like boil water or do laundry
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yknow i think im starting to feel like im not entirely comfortable with endo neutrals following us bc like. ok let's say im trans. and i have an also queer friend who is not trans. but then they start talking about how they have transphobic friends and still like hanging out with them? yeah, that's not someone i would ever feel safe around again.
i believe people's word on their lived experiences. if you are totally okay with a community that weaponizes ableism and sanism and death threats against a group of people who are just trying to exist as themselves, then i do not feel safe around you whatsoever. if you interact with anti endos I'm going to assume you support them. and i do not fucking know or care what my own origin is and am never going to reveal that honestly PRIVATE information- but if any one of you (general) is ok with other people harassing my endo friends, then you are not a safe person for me to be around.
#i had an ex who had a ton of those. yknow. drop the t from the acronym type friends#and guess what she ended up turning out to be once she hung out around them enough#i don't care if you do not want to pick a side or don't feel like you can#i do not expect you to do that overnight#but i just do not want people like that around me in my online spaces#if you are neutral then i constantly have to wonder if it leans negative or positive#and i cannot deal with the wondering. i am sick and tired of having to block people i follow or follow me bc they changed to anti#if i see posts on my dash reblogged from antis that get caught by my tag filter#then im just blocking whoever it came from idgaf#(mutuals slight exception for this bc i will want to talk abt it beforehand bc i am 99% sure most of my mutuals are very pro endo)#(and that could just be an accident or smthn i dunno)#also little note this is ok to rb if it was not i would turn off rbs
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Ok as long as I'm also begging God to shape games in my favorite series [plural] in a specific way. Please for the love of fuck let the next fire emblem game (not counting the genealogy remake if that is indeed happening. the next original one whenever that is) PLEASE take notes from Engage's gameplay and not 3H's
please I'm fucking begging Engage had the best gameplay the series has seen in forever I don't care what they do with the story and supports and everything but if they choose to make the gameplay more like 3H than engage just because 3H sold well I WILL find out who made that decision, break into their house and decapitate myself in front of them while their family tries to eat breakfast
#if i have to sit through another FE where the actual tactics gameplay has been made as boring as fucking possible#i do not CARE how good the writing ostensibly is because FE writing always falls apart if you glance at it for more than five minutes#with the exception of tellius and jugdral and if you want to be really generous maybe part of elibe#but at least 65% of the series is 'look this is written like crap can we just skip to the reveal of which dragon is responsible this time'#CONVERSELY JUST LEAN INTO THE WHATEVER WRITING IF YOU HAVE TO AND MAKE THE GAMEPLAY GOOD#i'm not even talking about BALANCING the game properly i have no expectations of THAT lmao#even engage as fun as the maps and mechanics are the balancing was still laughable. kagetsu why did they make you into God#BUT I CAN OVERLOOK THEIR INABILITY TO BALANCE CHARACTERS PROPERLY. JUST MAKE THE MAPS GOOD#GIVE ME INTERESTING TACTICAL OPTIONS AND NO COMPLETE FREE FOR ALL CLASS CHANGE#if we ever get another game where 'make everyone into a wyvern lord' can legitimately be considered a semi-optimized strategy. ill die#and ill be very mad about it.
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You know what I like? Star Trek
#had a conversation with my sister today and kept denigrating my current passion and lifestyle but like... maybe don't do that?#listen ok I've been trying to be cool my whole life#and I have failed cause at my core I am just not a chill person#shamelessly leaning into something that I like isn't something I did openly before#and honestly? it's changed me for the better#low key it's the reason I don't have a real job right now#because I've been miserable in every structured job I've had (except for maybe college teaching)#and the last conversation I had with my grandpa before he died he asked me if I was happy because that's all that mattered#and while this little shift in existence is ridiculous in the grand scheme of what I've accomplished in my life#and hustling is harder than just showing up and getting a paycheck#and however much I'm not meeting my parents' vision of my potential#I am closer to actually being able to answer his question honestly than ever before#also it led to the wild neurodivergent revelations#so being able to declare openly that I like something is already a shift#and being able to engage with people who are honestly the most open kindest group I've ever encountered?#amazing#cause I'm actually a mega loner who barely talks to people#I'm honestly so glad I got lost in the delta quadrant cause without boyager I wouldn't have come to these conclusions#so yeah I'm kinda really into Star Trek#and if you've read this I'm sure you already know how severely uncool and locked into this I am but alas I can confirm by talking inthe tags#en fin
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people are so unfair to vegans i've said it before and i'll say it again
#no one except the one weirdo you found online is choosing not to use wool because they think the sheep are killed for it#it's the large-scale inhumane or unsustainable agricultural practices that go along with its mass production#like. if you don't know anything about a topic that is okay#but to write off an argument as ridiculous or assume what people mean just because you don't have as much knowledge is not cool#and it usually comes from otherwise pro-environmental and pro-sustainability and generally left leaning people#who just can't get past this one thing and it strikes me as odd to double down on mass produced animal products#like ur not denying climate change. you see the issues with capitalism. fast fashion? we all agree it's bad.#so why is this the one conservative talking point i see all the time on here?#do they not realize you can agree with vegans without being one or something?#bri babbles
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not a single person asked for my opinion but I have decided i'm going to trust iñaki again, I think he can be the goalkeeper he always seemed he was going to be and that last year's performance was more of a mental thing than an actual reflection of his abilities
#I do think if we have a good option to get rn we still should go after them but aside from woj i dont see anyone else free#so I'm not only rooting for iñaki but after considering it for a long time I'm actually actively thinking that he might surprise everyone#like genuinely think he has it in him#ofc I understand the doubts (though I think there's a bit of an overreaction to how 'bad' he actually was last season) and I had them too#but yeah thought about it long enough and I think he might just “be good again”#and obviously im not certain and am not dying over this hill but yeah im giving him a chance#btw one thing about woj (and I LOVE him do not get me wrong he's one of my favourite recent goalkeepers I would die for him and I'll be#happy if we get him) is that his footwork isn't really a strenght? and hansiball actually seems very dependent on a gk who can pull that of#so it would be interesting to see if he is actually suited to the team#ofc that's part of the argument of what do you prefer? average-ish shot stopper with great ball playing abilities or exceptional shot stopp#*shot stopper who's average at footwork and ball playing?#for us I actually prefer the first one (which mats leaneds towards) but I know lots of people prefer an exceptional shot stopper#and I think that's a bit of a busi like case where people didnt appreciate what he brought to the team until he was gone#fc barcelona#iñaki peña#fcb#barça
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/ list of actual interaction tragedies:
i don't have a mileena to interact with
i don't have a zephyr to interact with
i don't have the other white lions to interact with
i don't have a vicious to interact with
living the yuri gacha tragedy.
#{ bravewolf mun }#/ I LOVE. HIS RELATIONSHIPS IN THE GACHA GAMES.#it's like. he always get a particular relationship in each game. in asty he got the whole of the white lions ofc#and vicious is my best guess based on -gestures to the last thing that happened in cres.tor.ia before eos got announced-#but the direct parallels with mileena? the parallels in vibe and companionship but ''dark'' story beats with zephyr?#honestly in some ways zephyr is what yuri could've become cough if he lost flynn cough you can fight me on that#but also their relationship on top of the ''this is the one who gets the dark story path''? plssss#he and mileena had each other to lean on and could understand each other's pain. they're /both/ color coded black for their shared story#yuri is a major part of the story when mileena becomes the central character. it's just. AAAGH#i've gone over cres.tor.ia in detail on this blog so i won't do it again but HNGGG#yuri rly does get the best shit in the gachas. i suffer every single gacha with moses as my fave but#i thrive and survive in every gacha bc of yuri at the same time and how much of a major role he gets in all of them#except cres.tor.ia but given what we ended off with it's pretty apparent he had a big main story role coming up#and do we REALLY think they'd ignore their biggest cash cow? nope! bc the game was a year and a half old and#already had three versions of Yuri in the gacha 😂 no doubt they had plans for a tra.nsgre.ssor Yuri in the future gacha#opens mouth like kirby and stares into the void waiting for all these characters to pop up in the rpc
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initially this post had some commentary about interests right now. and then it turned into a ramble about personal healing in the tags. so the interest post is going separately.
#i have been possessed by my fourteen year old self.#except now i am *way* less ashamed of my interests#<- oh wow when you're in a place where all your interests that are unique to you are shamed constantly you stop enjoying them#there were so many things i hoarded as ''just mine'' because i was scared that they'd be stolen from me in one way or another#because either it'd be co-opted and i'd have to confirm to their view of said interest. or i'd be shamed and belittled for enjoying it#there are so many little things now (even wider than like. media interests. like literal aspects of myself) that feel wrong to share becaus#the only way to keep it safe was to keep it close to my chest#there are a few names i'd love to go by but as soon as i think about actually telling someone it i feel like i might#(and sometimes do) have a panic attack about it#which is stupid!!! the people around me now love me!!!! and i love them!!!!!#all that to say. being able to post about armand and dm is kind of like. a rebellion i guess#tvc and specifically armand were so important to me because back then i kind of saw myself in him? v. jaded and disconnected with the world#and seeking someone to bring them forward and into a new space to try and reinvent themself#and wanting someone to love them hard enough that it encompassed everything#i wanted to be what daniel was to armand and what armand was to daniel#<- very healthy way to think about the world and relationships btw <3 i was so normal and fine and this was not a sign something was wrong#god this turned into a bit of a vent thing huh.#i'm not like. feeling big feelings i should clarify. i feel like i'm examining them from a distance and taking notes like a scientist lol#it's a thing of like. knowing how unhealthy everything was and acknowledging that i'm healing. slowly; sure. but i am healing#i got to play a game one of them had tainted last week. it was hard and fun and i had big feelings when i was playing#because it was a little triggering. but i did it. i managed. i felt better for it.#i told my partner about one of my favourite bands back in 2021 and now they listen to them too and that's a little bit of joy#because it was one of the things that was deemed ''bad'' and that i can share that with someone now and feel safe to love it is good#and being able to be as obsessive and hyperfixated as i am right now without it being unsafe is really really lovely#and it is making me lean into it! i can engage with this without guilt! i want to fuck that old man!#it's silly and difficult and big and great and awful and complicated. but it's allowed to be. i'm allowed to be.
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fathers day is this month how am i going to inflict psychic damage on myself
#snap chats#we were cute and sillay even for mothers day last month#but unfortunately i actually love my dad and i miss him so the possibility of doing something a lil moody is very real#i love how i always say i miss my dad as if hes dead. hes not dead hes just scared of my mom which. fair we all are LMAO#anyhow esp when im leaning towards doing something focused on jo since last month was more for arakawa...#i dont have anything in mind yet but i have the semblance of an idea... its budding but i dont have it refined in the dome...#because i also wanna see if i can do something for arakawa too so idk if i wanna knock out two birds with one stone for one comic#or make two separate posts (whether those are pics or comics idkidk)#i always really like to imagine quiet moments between jo and masato- however rare they might have been in canon#oh wait im gonna throw up what if i posted that prison comic on fathers day#if i dont get any ideas i just might.. unless i get too impatient and post it earlier ☠️#anyway this is just a promise i will be goofy on fathers day. except instead of Actual Goofy i might post something Cereal for once#nothing i say makes fucking sense unless you know my lexicon fucking 'cereal' is my Cute And Quirky way of saying serious#because Im Cute And Quirky alright moving on#Being Serious and Emotional isnt my forte. im very bad at doing both so i of course try to be funny instead#bu maybe this once..... the jo and masato feelins are strong this month......#its cause my moms giving me a harder time than usual so of course im just thinking of my dad more and Now We're Here#alright im finally gonna finish my comm then i might get to cooking bye
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/ I think that you could ask me about lit any of my f.go muses' character designs and i'm pretty sure that I would have an explanation about why I think some elements fit and why I find their designs to be cool
#;ooc#ooc#im pretty sure i can find at least one reason why i like their designs#LISTEN! f.ate sometimes fcks it up and some designs are questionable however others are absolute bangers to me#i love mythology and history and art so it all mixes and im like; i want more of these pngs thank you#even j.ason's awful clothes- i can still find an explanation about why i think they fit his character and even a reference to his story#the only exception is probably archer gil; he just- he just has a huge ass golden armor OIUREOITRT#i mean there is symbolism on that itself as well; but if u asked me if it holds any references to the epic itself#i think i would lean more on c.asgil about that#anyways YEAH#a.nime pngs.... my beloved
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Do you think I could force Maransomler into a JCS style love triangle?
#Yes Boimler is Mary Magdalene#of course Boimler is Mary Magdalene#Who is Jesus and who is Judas between Mariner and Ransom is honestly kind of a coin toss#but I'm leaning towards Mariner as Jesus??#she is absolutely NOT a christ figure in show#no one is a Christ figure in show (except maybe Shax if you want to really reach)#but I think I can make it work for me#the betrayal in this case is Ransom sending her to the brig (again)#Marinsomler#lower decks
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