#i do not expect you to do that overnight
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yknow i think im starting to feel like im not entirely comfortable with endo neutrals following us bc like. ok let's say im trans. and i have an also queer friend who is not trans. but then they start talking about how they have transphobic friends and still like hanging out with them? yeah, that's not someone i would ever feel safe around again.
i believe people's word on their lived experiences. if you are totally okay with a community that weaponizes ableism and sanism and death threats against a group of people who are just trying to exist as themselves, then i do not feel safe around you whatsoever. if you interact with anti endos I'm going to assume you support them. and i do not fucking know or care what my own origin is and am never going to reveal that honestly PRIVATE information- but if any one of you (general) is ok with other people harassing my endo friends, then you are not a safe person for me to be around.
#i had an ex who had a ton of those. yknow. drop the t from the acronym type friends#and guess what she ended up turning out to be once she hung out around them enough#i don't care if you do not want to pick a side or don't feel like you can#i do not expect you to do that overnight#but i just do not want people like that around me in my online spaces#if you are neutral then i constantly have to wonder if it leans negative or positive#and i cannot deal with the wondering. i am sick and tired of having to block people i follow or follow me bc they changed to anti#if i see posts on my dash reblogged from antis that get caught by my tag filter#then im just blocking whoever it came from idgaf#(mutuals slight exception for this bc i will want to talk abt it beforehand bc i am 99% sure most of my mutuals are very pro endo)#(and that could just be an accident or smthn i dunno)#also little note this is ok to rb if it was not i would turn off rbs
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You can tell just how deeply Laura Bailey hates Delilah Briarwood because Imogen's Delilah voice is the same as Abby's Joel voice
#twitter vs tumblr is endlessly fascinating#which posts blow up on one vs the other#i did not expect this silly little brainrot to get almost 1k likes overnight#let's see how you do over here buddy#laura bailey#delilah briarwood#imogen temult#abby tlou#joel miller#critical role
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If I were a character in BlankMoth, my fatal flaw would be spending too much time brainstorming cool-sounding (and probably thematically and grammatically incoherent) Icelandic/Icelandic-adjacent names for the monsters and stuff as opposed to trying to survive and solving mysteries.
#''hey stephen is 'jörmunmölur' grammatically correct?'' ''how do you expect me to know i barely speak any more icelandic than you d-''#''wait. are you... trying to come up with a name for the tall thing again?'' ''no idea what you're talking about. unrelatedly:''#''are we thinking 'guðlastveldi' or 'ginnungagap' sounds better as a name for whatever's on the other side of the óttigjá?''#''...is 'óttigjá' what you're calling the rift?'' ''mayhaps.'' ''you. have no idea whether it makes any sense as a name do you?'' ''...no.'#blankmoth#i would probably get along well with jackie though#we operate on similar wavelengths in terms of liking our pretentious and/or convoluted artistic projects too much#and refusing to stop being cryptic asshats until the choice is taken away from us#the autism feedback loop from us interacting for an extended amount of time would either get everyone else killed or fix things overnight#no nuance. it'd be one or the other full stop
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WOWZA!! A THOUSAND?!?! THAT'S LIKE, TEN TIMES A HUNDRED!! HOT DOG!!
TYSM AAA!!
#i plan on doing an intro post for a thousand followers special#i didn't expect it to go this fast because I only had about 700 when i went hiatus#i posted .THAT MESMERIZER ART. got 300 followers overnight#if you're from that mesmerizer art i just wanna quickly warn you that i dont do that art style often 😭 my art style changes a lot!!#plus I don't post often. not anymore 😔#personal
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rereading albrechts notes and the duviri fragment on scholars landing, having a lot of thoughts and no clue how to word them
#andro talks#giving myself brain damage again#dont ask me about it#all i can do is wordlessly gesture and hope you understand#what the fuck was he doing in duviri? HOW did he get there?#WHAT WAS HE RESEARCHING THERE#“laboratories to match the ones he had in his former life” why is it worded like that?? did he not expect to come back?#granted its acrithis that words it like that so maybe she thought this was a one way trip BUT STILL!!!!#what do you MEAN they disappeared overnight?#acrithis doesnt know what happened to scholars landing but does thrax?? do they still exist or did al order to have the labs destroyed?#what if they still exist? like hidden away somewhere in a pocket dimension? probably not in the undercroft since its too close to the void#also with the new lab tiles we have evidence that al brought back plants and animals from duviri WHY#AL LET ME BE A FLY ON THE WALL OF YOUR BRAIN I NEED TO SEE WHATS GOING IN THERE AAAARHGHGHG
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My workplace occasionally likes to shoot me in the foot, just to see how long I'll limp. Today, they took away one of my weekend days day-of without notifying me at all, & are prolly expecting me to come. Jokes on them: I'm not doing that.
#em.txt#why? because they always do shit like this & i never complain#so i will now pretend i am not the neurotic freak that checks her schedule constantly#whoa they moved my day that's so strange but i checked it yesterday & it didn't look like that. hm.#well why didn't anyone text me when they did that? everyone has my number: ya made a big deal about sharing the numbers#so why didn't you communicate#they're going to end up calling me. jokes on them because i turn my sound off when I'm asleep & it's the weekend#if i had no heads up & they changed it today without saying anything#they can't expect i would just know to check that it changed#& they don't know me. they don't know the schedule i keep.#i usually do a lot of what i call 'daylight chores' on the second day of the week#meaning i sleep in the night & am awake for the day -- the opposite of my usual schedule as overnight#so i was fucking busy today. you didn't say anything to me abt this & now my phone is off so i can sleep.#tooooo fucking bad cunt. I'm not hobbling for you.#negative#whatever. in like 3-4 hours when i wake up & see phone notifications maybe i check in & say 'oh but I didn't know'#maybe not. fuck you
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The people who survive homelessness are the ones who are aware of wider structures at play, and who don't merely blame themsleves for their circumstances.
No amount of trauma-informed therapy and social work, no amount of waitlisting, no amount of phone calls or begging politely or anything else will fundamentally change the root issue: I am too disabled to earn enough money to live.
I've been doing this for 10 years now. Basically all I've known my entire adult life is homelessness. I'm tired. I know I'm "doing everything right," inasmuch as I'm able to. I can't go back to work or i would, but everything else? I apply for help. I get on waitlists. (The average wait is 8-10 years. I've only just gotten on the waitlist, after all this time.) I've asked churches for money and resources. I freelance and I sell what I can whenever I can. I go to food pantries, I barely even eat. I learn how to fix things myself. I take good care of me, as much as I can.
I go only where I'm invited. I never ask directly for help; only give people the option to. I never ask for seconds. I make myself smaller and smaller each time. And I wait. And I wait and wait and wait, like such a Good Boy, but master never lets me back into the house.
#me#homelessness#ppl give us scraps and expect us to be able to spin them into fucking gold.#i gave you three weeks? i gave you $130? why didn't you magically stop being disabled?#why didnt you pull a One Red Paperclip and literally turn it into a fortune overnight? It's so easy! You must not WANT out?#it must be so much easier to live on my scraps? you're doing this on purpose. youre taking advantage. youre ungrateful.
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sighs i feel so. bad. about playing destiny
no matter how much i try i havent been able to find a group or a niche that consistently runs a) same time as me and b) is actually co-operative with my disability and doesn't just delegate me to random backfill or ad clear
like i spend hours learning dungeons and raids only to not do them. i'm so willing to teach if people have a little patience. i've been kicked from so many lfgs once they realise i'm not on comms. people say it isn't an issue but it absolutely is and nobody seems interested in navigating it and it makes me so freaking sad that one of my all time favourite games is so fucking unplayable to me
#im just venting i dont expect any problems to be solved overnight but jesus i feel so fucking isolated#like i dont know what more i can do?#ive posted on reddit / destiny forums / destiny sanctuary#everywhere i can get a hold of#nb this is not about any of the cool lil discord groups im in i PROMISE <3 you are lovely beans and timezones just suck ass#but this game isnt accessible if i cant jump on after work and run a dungeon in 40 mins like everyone else
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You’re doing great Rosie. Hugs
#thank you so much anon 🥺🥹#I really needed this today#it’s my first weekend after starting class#and I just feel funky?#i want to keep continuing my progress and getting better#but I feel like I’m going to fall back into all my bad habits#and obviously not expecting to completely change overnight#but idk#it’s dumb#I just feel this pressure to do things and be better#but I know that’s not realistic#gotta take it one step at a time#at least I’m out of my bed and officially starting my day#hope you’re having a lovely day anon 🫶#thank you again 🩷🩷🩷#ask#anon
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Vent: ?
In 5th grade I had the assumption that it would be just as nice as elementary school had been. No one ever told me otherwise. No one ever told me about most of the differences.
I knew that I would be bullied already. No one had to tell me that. My parents had already warned me of bullies and what to do. I hadn't had too many experiences yet, but I knew they were coming. I still felt pretty prepared.
But of course when 6th grade came, just by the first day I was disappointed. I didn't expect something big and great, but I didn't think I would be thrown into it like this.
I didn't know I met both of my bullies here.
NBB really hadn't bullied me before this garde. Only ever persuaded me into things. Not always bad things. But I would always do them. I like making people happy.
But because my expectations were ruined so bad, I decided to no longer have expectations at all.
It doesn't sound necessarily like a bad idea. But it turned out to be that way.
I couldn't find a way to balance it.
It wasn't really just that I was let down. But it was that everything that everything was became worse. And everything worse became terrible. So that was the mindset I was in.
But doing this has made it to where I don't get excited for things anymore. Unless I'm really certain.
Which makes things like governor school have a bad cloud over them in the beginning.
Things that are bad I don't prepare for well. Because I don't have my expectations there.
I wish that I could just take it off now or something. But I don't think so.
I really enjoyed governor school. I liked it. So wish that I could've let myself be excited instead of assuming it would be another disaster.
Bad things did happen there. But bad things happen everywhere. And I liked being able to be around people who didn't bully me and were supportive.
I liked it there.
I miss how it was there.
On the day before the last I felt like I had finally acclimated to it. But then I had to go.
#cheeseburgerboy#id like to be somewhere like that again.#im going to be doing something simar to it. but only for one week rather then two#it seems to be futher away from home.#id like to get excited for it. but im just so scared.#the disappointment is so crushing. and it hurts so bad being ripped away from something you hoped to enjoy#i don't want to be excited for my birthday. i still assume disaster and pain. so i have been trying to not expect much from it#im sure it will be good. but im still scared#especially since the people i bring there will be staying overnight probably.#im still to scared to call any of them my friends#because of what NBB did to me probably.#haven't had much luck with that.#very confused on her stance.#seems fine but she say something and it gets weird.#kittykiddy#cookiebearcat#whatevs#acclimated.#NBB ex is weird and i don't like him#privacy invader.
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I really REALLY wish I enjoyed Halloween.
#it should be fun#it should be silly and happy and positive#but instead we're expected to teach curriculum and instruction the entire day#with a grading schedule that's almost impossible to meet#with children who want to do Halloween stuff only and refuse to do their work#I've had two separate kids laughing my face today#it did not feel good#and that was after having a truly abysmal morning where personally and professionally things went to shit#and now I have to eat lunch at a lunch box that smells like garlic#because my husband repeatedly forgets that my sensory issues mean you can smell anything I can smell it times 10#so he left uncovered garlic in the fridge overnight#and noweverything smells terrible#vent post#in which Sara rants
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moving tomorrow can't sleep. everything and everyone are coming together to make this happen. a chance to start over fresh and become someone new. power in my hands. and the fear, that I would have to abandon and cut off everyone who came before, turned out to be the opposite of the truth.
#nothing like a move on your own terms to reset ... everything.#things remain but like#i dont have to keep my bedroom the same#i can decorate in a totally different way#new colors new hair new clothes new life start doing only shit i MEAN to do#or at least trying more for that#i don't expect it to happen overnight but the new context will make all the ols bad habits easier to see#and shift#god fuck thank you past me and all my guides and the Oracle for pointing me here#for making this choice!!!!
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again, sorry for being so slow to get to asks, editing this film is making me genuinely want to die, things keep going wrong and I want it out of my site
#I got an extension because i got locked out of my editing room due to a faulty fucking lock#and all my stuff was inside so i had to stay on campus overnight with nothing but my phone and fucking toiletries bag#i was locked out from 10:30pm to 1:30pm the next day and i was still expected to edit#the audio i got was shit because the sound department art fucking hacks and didn't mount the mic#our director is a misogynistic idiot who didn't bother to record room tone#my fucking ex somehow got involved with the production so i have to edit around his shit acting#our cinematographer keeps hounding me to submit it#to a fucking film festival because she shot it relatively decently#BUT EVERYTHING ELSE ABOUT IT IS TRASH why would you want to show that publically?#which btw our idiot director thinks we got personally invited to show our film at a screening... it was a general email sent to the whole#student body and i had to spend 5 minutes explaining that to him#men keep giving me 'advice' which is literally common knowledge like keep your levels between -21 and -6dB#which is wrong by the way#and all of this is happening a week after one of the worst shoots of my life that went so astronomically bad me and the other producers#are now doing damage control and setting up a meeting with the director to explain that you can't treat people like shit on set you're not#stanley fucking kubric autour theory is over and we want money out of his pocket for how we were treated#oh yeah and my fucking sex addiction is acting up which is making it really fucking hard to get shit done
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“ You’re not even trying… “
#“ You’re not even trying… “#well I am trying!#I stress too much#only for YOU of all people to tell me that!#I can’t magically do all my schoolwork overnight#I know you expect so much more outta me but I am truly trying!#I literally try to cram all the work in just because I don’t you to be disappointed in me#and when you told me THAT I felt too much guilt for my own good#it’s bad enough i stress about the work#I stress about the friendships I ended because of my issues#then you tell me this!#I’m only 13#what do you expect! I’m FUCKING 13#I’m YOU’RE kid and yet I know I’ve constantly failed you#and have succeeded multiple times#I know that me failing makes you disappointed in me but I’m trying so hard#I only beg for your time & patience#I’ve only just recently started stressing over the work#I stress so much that I’m peeling my skin away too get rid of the stress!#I just want YOU of all people to be proud of me!#( sorry for the random vent ) ( this is directed towards my mother )#rb#shads.txt#shads rants
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I am baking cake at midnight and it is going to kill me <3
#it’s just gone in the oven which means at least 25 minutes and probably more like 45 bc I made a Lot#am also kiiiinda winging the recipe so my expectations are on the floor#this is. for a bake sale. pray for me#I’m gonna make the icing tonight and leave it in the fridge overnight I think for tomorrow morning#this has gone wrong at every available opportunity it was 100% not worth it#however! given the prices my friend wants to sell this at i May have turned this into like over £100 which isn’t bad#TWO CAKES. WHY AM I MAKING TWO CAKES#I’m procrastinating washing up the stuff I used to make the batter (hell) bc itssosososo messy and I just wanna shout abt stuff#primarily that I am once again so upset that I only get one more week of ice hockey before summer#there are two parts to this feeling: 1. I love ice hockey I’ve been having such a good time this past week while I’ve not had to stress#abt anything else. 2. gay. gay gay homosexual gay#like okay I’ve been worried abt whether this is an actual crush or I just convinced myself I like him bc pretty+queer#(because of course I can worry abt that). BUT yeah sorry no can confirm I like this dumb fuck this is so unfair#we talked a BUNCH last night and he’s just really cool.#ohhhh fuck I don’t think the oven was properly preheated bc I opened it for a while to fit the two tins in. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#anyway!! he’s really fun to talk to someone help like if he does turn out to be single I could in THEORY text him over summer. maybe.#his birthday will be coming up and my friend suggested that. I’m being insane but oh my god this is torture#I ALSO watched the newest dr who episode today and that did NOT HELP. one of the first things in a while that have given me like#this same specific feeling when I get into gay romantic media. the ‘reading gay shit on wattpad at age 14 feeling’ if you will#where there’s like this weight in the pit of my stomach. it’s NICE that doesn’t sound good but it is#is this what straight people get with romance all the time. I know I just don’t watch/read much anymore but also#there’s straight romance in literally everything so.#but yeah basically I need another month of fuck around time minimum when everyone’s in this city so I can get my shit together#ALSO. I ONLY HAVE A YEAR LEFT HERE. THATS TERRIFYING. a year is a long time but it’s also not this one disappeared and this is like.#WAY too early to even consider that but he’s gonna be here probably for a year after I leave and that could suck if anything does happen.#I guess in theory I’m taking a year before phd probably so I could work here. idk man anyway that one is actually insane of me I’m just gay#boy 😔. they shouldn’t be allowed to do this#on Wednesday he’ll be done with exams and so will my other friend who knows him well. so I will be able to 1. subtly see w her if girlfriend#2. potentially. MAYBE ask what she thinks I’m just trying to decide whether that’s too much to put on her. I think I’m being insane there#luke.txt
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You can tell who doesn't understand that spending a significant amount of time on difficult, pleasureless tasks is just part of life if you want to survive, regardless of societal structure or lack thereof.
it NEEDS to be paid for accordingly.
#text thread#n: before anyone jumps down my throat I actually DO think the more thankless jobs should pay better#n: it's more the 'no money' thing I'm commenting on#n: money could be rendered useless overnight and people would still expect you to put forth effort to get your needs met.#n: that is literally just *life.*
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