#except not really since it's not for the end of the ep

[burnthatbridge]

8x01 misery missing scene

post the sad zoom birthday party also on ao3 if you prefer

They stick around long enough to help clear up. 

The party decorations come down faster than they went up. Each balloon that Buck pops is a perfect mirror to the ball of excitement in his chest that had shattered at Chris’ lacklustre response, at the stuttering video connection. Except, instead of slippery, soft rubber, the shards it left behind are hard, cutting glass. 

“The cake was excellent,” Tommy offers, with forced cheer, into the silence that descends once the sound of balloons bursting and streamers rustling stops. 

“Take the rest with you,” Eddie says, turning away, heading into the kitchen.

Buck follows him, Tommy close behind, and watches Eddie shove the happy birthday banner into the trash, the party hats too. Buck bites his lip on the protest that Eddie should keep them for next year — he doesn’t think he can bear to hear Eddie voice the fear that they might have as little use for them then as they did today. 

“You’re serious about the cake?” Tommy asks, crossing to where it sits on the kitchen table, one solitary slice consumed. Buck had a bite of Tommy’s, and it was good, but he didn’t feel like having his own. And Eddie hadn’t seemed up to stomaching any at all. 

“Yep,” Eddie nods, without looking over. “I don’t want it.” 

Buck pulls a large tupperware container from the cupboard, hands it over to Tommy, who boxes up the cake. But Buck also takes down a smaller container, saves a single slice, and tucks it away in the fridge. He knows Eddie will crave it later — maybe not tonight, but certainly by tomorrow morning — and will wish he hadn’t given it all away. It will be a nice surprise for him — a much needed one — to find that Buck didn’t let him. 

Buck walks the knife used to cut the cake to the sink and Eddie steps in to wash it. Buck hovers at his side, taskless. They had been going to stick around after surprising Chris, have a couple of beers, watch something, but, with how things went, it’s clear that’s not going to happen. 

“Eddie,” Buck starts, wants to ask if he’s okay — knows he’s not — but Eddie cuts him off. 

“Thanks for coming,” he says, clearly a dismissal, bidding them goodnight without looking up for scrubbing at a knife that must be long clean. 

Tommy replies, “Thank you for inviting us,” even though technically only he was; Buck — never a guest in Eddie’s home — more co-host than attendee, had helped to plan the party, and his presence was assumed, certain. 

At the same time, Buck says, ���Of course.” He wouldn’t have been anywhere else today, on Chris’ birthday. Not unless flying to Texas to actually see him would have been an option. Hell, if Eddie had wanted to drive over to El Paso to visit, Buck would have gladly played chauffeur for the whole twelve hour drive. 

Tommy drops a reassuring hand onto the stiff surface that is Eddie’s shoulder, pats it, once, twice, three times, to no noticeable softening. “See you later, man.” He moves to the kitchen door, pauses, looking back at Buck. 

Buck takes a tentative step in Tommy’s direction, says, “See you tomorrow, Eds?” It’s supposed to be a statement, like Tommy’s. A stronger one, even, since Buck and Eddie have a shift together the next day, so their seeing each other should be a concrete occurrence, not a vague likelihood. But the words come out sounding more like a question and he doesn’t follow Tommy out of the room until he sees Eddie nod in answer, agreement. 

They only make it as far as the front door before the gnawing concern in Buck’s gut is too much.  

“Wait,” Buck says as Tommy turns the handle.

Tommy stops, door cracked open an inch, but not opening it any wider, and twists to face Buck, looks at him, expectant. 

“I think–” Buck starts, but he doesn’t quite know what he thinks, only that he shouldn’t be leaving now. Even though there’s nothing left to do: all traces of the party stripped away, their evening plans abandoned. Still, he shouldn’t be leaving. Shouldn’t be leaving Eddie. Not like this.

And he should tell Tommy that, explain it to him. Except… He probably doesn’t need to. Tommy knows him, knows Eddie, and he saw firsthand how things went down tonight. So Buck simply asks, “Can I make my own way? Catch you later?”

“Sure, babe.” Tommy’s expression is full of understanding, eyes soft. He tilts his head, slightly. “I’ll wait up for you?”

Buck nods. “Yeah, please.” He leans in, putting his mouth to Tommy’s mouth, pressing goodbye and gratitude into the kiss. 

Tommy pulls back, graces Buck with a small curling of his lips, the smile dimmer than his usual given how the evening has played out, and then he’s over the threshold, toting the tupperware filled to the brim with uncelebrated birthday cake with him. 

Buck closes the door behind him, gently, then pads back through the house. 

Eddie is in the kitchen, but not quite how Buck left him. He’s still facing away, but now, instead of washing the same spot on the blade of the cake knife over and over, he has his hands braced on the edge of the counter, his head hanging down, like the effort of keeping it up has become too much.

He’s got to know Buck hasn’t left, must hear him reentering the room, a single set of footsteps, but he doesn’t acknowledge him in any way. 

Buck goes to him. Stands at Eddie’s side, tries to see his expression in his dim reflection in the window, but it’s tricky with Eddie’s face lowered. “Eddie,” Buck says and is finally rewarded with Eddie looking up, raising his head so that his eyes meet Buck’s in the window.

The agony in his gaze is palpable.

Buck doesn’t know how to help. He saw how little comfort Eddie took from Tommy’s touch, so it seems pointless to try the same. But his hands itch to hold, to smooth over Eddie and check for points of pain, even though he knows his hurt is of the heart, not body. Knows it, because his own is the same. Buck hurts too: for Chris, for Eddie, for himself. 

“Eddie,” Buck repeats, with no destination in mind except a route out of Eddie’s misery. But, if anything, the anguish displayed plainly on Eddie’s face only deepens. He squeezes his eyes shut and his hands fist, fingers curling in so tight his knuckles whiten. 

“I’m losing him,” Eddie says. 

“You’re not,” Buck answers back, automatic, but no less insistent for it. Eddie isn’t losing Chris. He can’t be losing him. They can’t be losing him. 

“I am,” Eddie pushes back, lifting his hands from the counter to gesture wildly, grief uncontainable. “I’m losing him and it’s all my fault.”

“No.” Buck catches Eddie’s wrists, squeezes them, tries to press his belief, his faith, in Chris and Eddie’s relationship into Eddie’s skin, to transfer it to him. “You made a mistake, but he’s going to forgive you. He just needs a little more time.“

“I don’t think I can take any more time without him,” Eddie confesses, and there are tears shining in his eyes. 

Buck drops his hold on Eddie’s arms, but only so he can wind his own around him, tug him into an embrace.

Eddie lets him, tucks his face into Buck’s neck, chokes out, “I just want him to come home.”

“I know,” Buck murmurs, smoothing one hand down the line of Eddie’s spine, his other arm wrapped firmly round his shoulders. “I know. I do too.”

“He loves his grandparents,” Eddie goes on, voice muffled in Buck’s shirt collar. “He could decide to just stay with them.”

“He loves you,” Buck states, an irrefutable fact. This he knows: he has been privileged to witness so much of the love Christopher has for his dad. “He’s not going to stay with them forever.”

“But,” Eddie protests, sounding lost and unsure, his fingers wound in the fabric of Buck’s shirt, his breath damp against Buck skin, “You love your parents. That doesn’t make them good ones. Ones you’d want to be with if you had a better option.”

“You are nothing like my parents.” Buck squeezes Eddie tighter to him, in tune with the ferocity of his words. “You– you are the best father I have ever seen. You love Chris so, so much. And– and he knows you do, he doesn’t have to doubt it.” Not like Buck did, every day of his life.

He continues, “Your mom and dad are not the better option for him. Sure, he’s having a nice summer with them. But, even if he’s still upset right now, I know he’s missing you too. He’s going to come home, because he belongs here, with you.” Of that Buck is sure. It’s Chris and Eddie: their bond is too deep, their relationship too strong, to be broken. 

“But,” Eddie says again, “But what if he–”

“No,” Buck stops him, not willing to let Eddie hurt himself with his thoughts, his fears, more than he already has. “Chris loves you, Eddie. And he’s going to come home to you. He is.”

Buck doesn’t know if Eddie fully believes him, but his words are enough that Eddie slumps completely against him in something like relief. And all his stress and hurt over being separated from his son comes pouring out.

As he sobs, the spasming of his chest heaving against Buck’s and the trickle of his tears sliding down Buck’s skin, Buck holds him. Holds him and presses his lips to his temple and thinks please, Chris, please come home soon. Come home to us. 

[raayllum]

Been thinking about it as I approach 5x08 in my S5 rewatch but something something "the actual character arcs are wrapped up steadily either prior to or within the finale" spread out across the main cast is brewing

[emoboybrony]

Ill admit ive never been that into laurence (any his variations really) but something has been really bothering me since rewatching parts of MCD.

What really caught my attention about MCD Laurence is that he starts out as this well adjusted, loyal knightly and charming guy- and then after he becomes a shadow knight you just see this slow decay of him. Like hes slowly losing parts of himself and its causing him to become more and more unstable to the point where by the end of season 2 hes honestly kind of terrfying.

And ALOT of that is reflected with how his relationship with aphmau starts to shift. He goes from this sweet, suave and honestly pretty silly personality, to being so obsessive and vindictive towards her.

Theres this one scene, at the end of ep 95 S2, where aphmau has just essentially seen a ghostly image of aaron and is really shaken up by it. Laurence comes to sit with her and ask her about it. And at first, it genuinely seems like hes just trying to get her to open up so he can support her. But then it quickly spirals into him demanding to know why she cares about aaron so much and why shes greiving so hard for him, like its a problem. He becomes so aggressive and condensending to the point where Garroth has to intervene and he walks off.

In this moment you see how far hes really fallen, he goes from semingly reasuring and gentle, and by the end of it hes disrepecting a dead man, who gave his life to save both his brother and supposed love of his life, who he travelled and fought along side with for months, who close to the end of his life was taking care of an orphan (something he comlimented in aphmau), and hes thowing all of that out the window because hes taken Aphmau's attention, due to the fact he fucking died.

After that happens, aphmau has a conversation woth vlyad where he basically tells her that laurence has to accept what he is and go to the nether or else hes gonna go insane, and that the only reason he came back is because hes "chasing a fantasy". Aphmau responds by suggesting they get cadenza over so that he can be with family, and vlyad says she can do what she wants but implies its pretty much inevitable that laurence is going to hit a breaking point. And hes completely right.

Before laurence even gets to speak to cadenza, he eavesdrops on the conversation where aphamu reveals shes pregnant, and just immediately peaces out, out of fear that hes going to MURDER HER.

Not to mention that in that conversation, cadenza herself tells aphmau not to tell laurence because shes scared of how he would react. He has gotten so unstable that his own sister, who loves him more than anything, can recognise that he is a danger to some degree and shes RIGHT.

All this paints a stark contrast, the laurence we first met vs the man he has now become. Its tragic because its this inevitable downfall brought on by an act that was completely selfless, him sacrificing himself that got him turned into a shadow knight in the first place.

Even this is eventually tainted, his selfless act becomes a selfish one as he seems to cling to aphmau's love and affection as an emotional crutch. Aphmau obviously loves and cares for him deeply, but not in an explicitly romantic/sexual way. And if she doesnt love him the way he wants, then why is he suffering through this? Why did he bother to sacrafice himself at all if theres no reward? Its honestly horrifying how pretty much everyone who loved and respected him, makes what should be incredibly out of place predictions on him, but they always end up being right except for aphmau. She cant accept that hes changing and theres nothing she or anyone else can do change that. Its gut wrenching.

This all lead me to beileve that i didnt give enough credit to his character. I love this. This is the type off tragic story telling im here for. Theres so much more to this character than i ever expected.

Heres the thing.

Why the fuck do laurence's biggest fans seem to just completely disregard this? If you believed a good portion of the fandom, laurence is just this sauve uwu sad boy who was unfairly rejected and ignored by a woman who demamded the world from him.

Im dead serious, i saw people saying that laurence "deserved better than aphmau", that he deserved someone who recognised the sacrafice he made. Which like- there is so much to unpack there.

First of all, aphmau did recognise his sacrafice, she did love him and try to support him in the best way she could, even when literally everyone around her was saying it was a lost cause. She did everything she could for that man and forgave so much of what he did while struggling with the calling and she got nothing but shit for it.

Second of all, no the fuck he doesnt?? As illustrated in the examples above he did not respect Aphmau's boundaries. He did not respect her feelings. And by the end, he didnt even respect her bodily autonomy. Lets be honest here, he basically abandoned everyone he apprantly "loved", because bro tapped it before he could. She loved him so much, but because he wanted something she wasnt willing or able to provide, that being explicitly romantic and sexual attention, he just didnt see it. To try and argue that hes the real victim here, is in the same vain of "nice guys finish last". Him being kind, compassionate and selfless- shouldnt be reliant on whether or not this woman will fuck him or not. That is an insanely misogynistic way of thinking.

But most important to me in the context of this analysis- what is there to like about laurence with this interpretation? What possibly sets him apart from the gazillion other brunette pretty anime bois? Am i to gay for this? Is there something im not seeing?

I understand fanon can wildly divert from canon, and i understand that alot of this is probably down to the fact that i find dissecting and critiquing canon more intresting than reinventing it through fanon. Im locked into the Baldurs gate 3 fandom and i had the same experience there (laurence fangirls got NOTHING on Astarion girlies). But both experiences have left me with the same question- what draws you to a character, when all you do is boil them down to their most generic aspects?

I find Laurence intresting cause we are seeing this man crash out and become a monster in real time. And i dont see how he is worth even an honourable mention, when you take that away.

What is there left to be compelled to?

[selin-aka-puppydogs68-on-tt]

A HUGE Willtresor analysis— the kiss, my thoughts on their development, why I think their dynamic will change post ep. 120, etc

Oh boy, I fast-passed episode 120 a while ago and this damn ship hasn’t left my mind since 😭

Monty, you really are a loser. Can’t ibuprofen your way out of this one— it’s the end of the line!

The sad reality is Montresor always took Will’s presence as granted; as said before by multiple characters— he always ended up injuring Will in some way, whether it was his feelings or actually just beating the living shit out of him.

Literally any time he purposefully touched Will in episode 119, it hurt Will, even though Montresor was trying to “protect” him, he’s literally the reason Will has blood coming out of his mouth (I’m pretty sure the impact of Montresor hitting Will’s chest when he told him to stay back caused some sort of internal bleeding). And now, he’s panicking; you can tell from the crazed look in his eyes. He’s frantically trying to convince Will to get up but deep down I think he knew there was no hope. He’s more so trying to desperately console himself that he won’t fuck up something again like he always does.

Something’s changed— he’s noticeably more gentle now than he ever was before. Look at the way he holds onto Will’s robe, it’s almost like he’s trying to put it back on, like he’s trying to repair his mistakes.

Behold, Mont-don’t-fucking-touch-me-quit-bootlicking-me-tresor crashing out over the only time Will refuses one of his orders. What’s wrong? I thought you wanted him to stop boot-licking you 😗 bipolar much?

Montresor lashes out at everyone and tbh I think it’s from how he was raised. Ever since he was born he was literally deemed blasphemous. He got a ridiculous amount of attention from everyone around him and was constantly shunned for his actions, so I’m guessing he eventually succumbed to becoming the monster the church claimed he would be. Makes sense, why would he show sympathy towards anyone when nobody bothered showing any to him? But Will was different, he knew growing up that he could never be someone who mattered. NOBODY paid attention to him. I know people will reduce Will’s attraction to stronger men as “omg cute twink!1!” but really, insecure people are drawn towards people who they deem are confident figures that can provide stability to their lives, sort of like an anchor.

Do I think Monty’s actually confident? Lol no. I think both Will and Montresor hate themselves in a way— Will believes his self-worth depends on pleasing others while Monty believes that he’s already far beyond any form of redemption, so he’s kind of embraced being an awful person while Will’s dream is to just improve himself in a way he never could while alive.

Montresor lashes out at everyone because it provides some form of stimulation for him, it makes him feel better about himself— if the church labeled him as a monster, then hell yeah he’s gonna be one and scare the living shit out of them like they did to him. He isn’t sympathetic towards anyone and doesn’t expect anyone to be sympathetic towards him back. Yet here is Will, who STILL stuck with him after being violently beat and impaled twice, dying in his arms. I don’t think Monty can wrap his head around why anyone would do this and for the first time in his life he actually feels guilty for something.

Montresor doesn’t immediately shove Will off of himself, he lets Will grab onto his jacket collar probably because he thinks Will is going to use it to haul himself back onto his feet…except he actually kisses him, much to Montresor’s surprise LMAOOO

I didn’t notice this when I first read the chapter but Montresor puts Will’s robe back on before pushing him away— unlike episode 119, he actually tries not to injure Will further and avoids touching the shoulder with the bite wound; he uses the robe to safely pull Will off him.

He tried fixing him— the robe is on properly now.

The robe falls right off Will’s shoulder again. Montresor’s efforts ended in vain.

If this doesn’t prove the “Montresor never cared about Will” people wrong idk what will. We’ve never seen another circular speech bubble with the scribbly lines (hoarse/about to cry voice?) from Montresor besides maybe the church episode. He definitely didn’t give two shits at the start but now everything’s changed. We went from “you really are good for nothing” to “you did good, Will”. AAAAH!

Not only did Will die, he died doing something Montresor did NOT expect— idk if Montresor has actually even touched a religious text in quite a while since he doesn’t remember how to pray, but homosexuality was possibly discussed in the cult he grew up in. Even though Monty’s canonically an atheist, he literally swears in Jesus’ name when Will kisses him, he has a whole cross necklace under his uniform too; that religious trauma will never leave him, and Will kissing him only further cemented the fact that he is a sinner; the only person who’s actually compatible with him is a man. I also like how it’s fine when he sleeps with a gazillion women but when a man kisses him he starts tweaking— not really historically wrong if you consider that being gay was labeled as a major sin AND a mental issue in both Will and Monty’s respective time periods. Anyways cue closeted bisexual losing it lmao

Annnd I’ve reached the max image count but the scene where Will literally MELTS?? Straight (gay) nightmare fuel for Monty…left all by (bi) himself (“you’re not funny OP!” everyone says in unison while throwing tomatoes at me, yeah okay I’ll stop) Imo Montresor absolutely forgot about those clones, I bet he thought he was truly going insane and hearing Will’s voice in his head…but hey here’s right next to him and…perfectly fine? damn.

Anyways Will reaches for Montresor, but instead of Monty pushing him away, he instead turns the other way and knocks the crutches out of Will’s hand— he doesn’t hurt Will, he hurts himself by rejecting a mobility aid. Also Will just ignoring the huge bloodstain on the wall and floor right next to his slipper??? WTF??? Why the hell didn’t he say anything about it? Also, we’ve never seen other clones bleed like this before. I wonder if this remaining Will is actually a clone, but since he survived and real Will didn’t, he became real Will now, so the OG melted into wax.

In previous chapters while Will is talking to Montresor, he constantly has this crazed look in his eyes. Will’s eyes are greyish-blue but you can’t even tell in most scenes because they look so black and small all the time from him being so nervous while talking to Monty, like the toothbrush scene and also Will suddenly becoming religious out of nowhere and telling Monty he’s gonna pray after seeing that Monty wears a cross, then completely doing a 360 and agreeing when Monty shares his beliefs as an atheist. Will’s big fat crush was so obvious tbh.

Annnd now Monty is the nervous one. We see one of the first scenes where Will’s eyes are normal sized and blue. Personally? I think Will is actually going to grow a backbone this time and realize Montresor didn’t treat him well. Clone or not, a part of Will just died, and it the most sensitive and vulnerable part that had feelings for Montresor.

I feel like they’re going to (somewhat?) flip their dynamic, it’s definitely going to be hella awkward between them since only Monty remembers the kiss (…and also Will’s dead corpse melting into the floor while reeking of blood, but uhhh yk 😅), I feel like Montresor will be more nervous now while Will will gain confidence. Lenore said it herself, Monty is always scared. I want to see what happens without his mask.

Anyways thanks for coming to my deranged willtresor essay (is it obvious I have audhd), keep writing fanfics (no, not the gooner NSFW willtresor AO3 fanfics…I’ve already found multiple…I SEE Y’ALL—) and uhhh stay strong willtresor nation 🤑🙏

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - Japan is here to save the slump

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

March 2025 Week 2

Ongoing Series - Thai

Perfect 10 Liners (Sun YT) ep 20 of 24 - Santa is really good at comedy, I gotta say. Wine is so cute 'cause he's so frank and earnest. It's adorable! (Inquiring minds would like to know if people in Thailand put perfume on their cheeks?) Lots of linguistic negotiation of pronouns in this episode so that made me really happy.

The Boy Next World (Sun IQIYI) ep 10 end - OMG they made them act and SING at the same time. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. (Raise your proverbial hand if you could actually hear me writhing in pain as that scene aired? Because my whole body was cringing so hard I swear I fractured my own cartilage.) I’m sorry but this show was doing really well for a Mame but that singing was sphincter-shrinking bad. And seemingly endless…

Okay the second half: The running of the gays, how very Japanese of you. So about 1/2 of the final ep was utterly unbearable, but the rest was fine.

Let's talk?

This show had an excellent premise about two fated mates, Cir & Phu, destined to be lovers in multiple parallel worlds. It is the curse of A Cir Who Knows Better to ensure that they manage to always end up together. This effectively explained all Cir’s weird creepy stalker behavior (pièce de résistance of a MAME seme) with the bonafide excuse of that tugging red thread. Turns out I forgive a lot for a strong premise, especially when combined with truly stellar chemistry. *But* there was also some bad chewing of the scenery and really terrible singing at key moments that screwed the landing (yes that too, but). The sex scenes were some of the best we’ve ever had, unfortunately even they weren’t good enough to mitigate that damn singing. 8/10

A solid showing from MAME, I was shocked, there was a point there when I thought this was gonna get a 9/10 from me! 

My Golden Blood (Weds YouTube iQIYI) Ep 1 of 12 - Trailer. GMMTV taking on Weds nights and midweek discourse (they hope) with this hotly anticipated vampire series. Is Thailand finally giving us the trashy gay vampires we richly deserve? Just keep in mind us sh*theads don't deserve much.

And it looks like that's exactly what we are getting.

I'm sorry ya'll: I don't like it. But not in a "witty trash watch" kinda way. So it's going here instead: You ready?

Classic main character = orphan with a mysterious past and bad dreams plus people around are weird about his certain traits. I wonder the thing I always wonder, why not give him martial arts training if he has known enemies? I've done various forms for years and never once cut myself. Of course Joss has a shirtless coming out if a pool intro. I can hear the dev team... "Hear me out now, baywatch just... vampires." I see we have new competition in the Advanced Bravely school of muscled thirst. As it should be. Been a while since we’ve had anyone on the scene who could give Jason Xu a run for his money. Joss is just the man to flex it. Is it just me or does this pair have negative chemistry? Yes we can all tell this is directed GAY! but Joss + Gawin do not seem even the slightest bit gay. The camera on the other (em) hand...

I asked for gay twilight, I’m getting gay twilight. Same lack of chemistry, bad special effects, and everything.

(Theory: Mark was the one who killed/drained all of Tong's fam of their golden blood and that is how he got his healing power.)

Flirt Milk (Sat YT) ep 8 or 10 - all I care about is the side couple. 

Ossan‘s Love Thailand (Mon YouTube) ep 10 of 12 - I do like EarthMix. I just really wish this were a better show. I kinda feel bad for them. That said, l love the host club + live gay boys reaction. Snicker 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Secret Relationships (Korea iQIYI) ep 3 of 8 - I continue to enjoy this a lot. I like how creepy and sinister pretty much everybody is (except for our puppy hero). Who is dog paddling through the filth of his crush's love triangle of past relationships. I like the fact that in the theater an unofficial pass was made. It was totally adorable. Every one is a mess and it's sustaining all of BL right now.

Checkered Shirt (Korea YT) ep 6 of 8 - Baby boy do not flirt with a closet case! Have you learned nothing?

Fight for Love (Vietnam YT) ep 6 of 8 - didn't drop or I somehow missed it. Caught it! It was lovely, nice kiss, I like where the plot is going although... no singing please.

Exclusive Love (Taiwan Fri Gaga) ep 6 of 12 - Our poor little gay boy is being v tested. And testing himself. Side couple = tiny idiots. In other news, one of them is wearing a shirt I actually own! I feel like peek BL stan. (Also I may shop too much in Taipei.) Does I qualify for the shared BL communal wardrobe?

The main trope to rule all BL tropes has returned= he is never asleep.

It's airing but......

Gelboys (Thai iQIYI) 7 eps - I’m giving this show a pass. It’s just too far out of my wheelhouse. I don’t have patience right now. Ends next week.

The Last Time (Thai WeTV) 8 eps - Has this ended? Anyone watch it?

Sashes and Hearts (Pinoy YT) 13 eps - Philippines is doing Drop Dead Gorgeous only all gay boys queening their asses off. Doesn't interst me, not sure if it's BL.

Last Meal Universe (Thai ????) 8 eps - An alien who has come to destroy earth instead falls in love with Thai food and then the Thai boy who cooks it - realistic, actually. I got a link to watch but it still wouldn't work for me, so I guess I'm waiting to see what happens.

In case you missed it:

CUTEST little JBL short drop on YT. No idea it's real title. About 2 students secretly dating trying to decide to come out. It's popular guy + nerd! Absolutely not sure how long this will last on YT but adorable and worth 17 minutes of your time. Do it ASAP! I don't want a repeat of everyone asking me for Wimpy Corporate Drone again. There seems to be a pervious installment in the series, but no subs.

Don't say I never bring you any prezzies.

Next Week Looks Like This:

Upcoming March 2025

3/19? Lost in the Woods (Weds Gaga) Ep 1 of 7 - Announced for 2023, adapted from a novel of the same name. Fifa just graduated high school and travels to a remote province to take care of his grandma, before starting uni. There he meets Chief Hem, a forest ranger.

3/20 Top Form (Thailand Thurs WeTV) 10 eps - Trailer. Adaptation of a Japanese manga starring Boom (Chains of Heart) opposite Smart (Don't Say No). Actor recognized as the "The Sexiest Man of the Year" has his first-place position usurped by newcomer. But while he sees them as rivals, turns out the new kid has other ideas. I'm super excited for this but hate watching on WeTV so gonna be a challenge.

3/21 Sweet Tooth Good Dentist (Thailand Fri GMMTV & iQIYI) 12 eps - Trailer. Finally Mark is leading a BL! This one based on a Jittirain novel about a weird sunshine student dentist and his sugar-addicted patient, described as a romcom meets romantic therapy. Also, Jimmy is there, primarily to give me second lead syndrome. It looks silly but earnest, I'm looking forward to it actually.

3/28 Heesu in Class 2 (Korea Fri ????) 10 eps - Trailer. Adaption of the comic by Lily, about a shy unpopular boy with a secret crush on best friend who somehow also ends up his school's relationship counselor. Supposed to have completed filming in 2022, the fact this has been in dev hell since then somewhat mitigates this being my most anticipated BL of it's original year.

2025 Line Up

BL Announced for 2025 - PART 1

BL Announced for 2025 - PART 2

20 BLs Announced for 2025 That I'm Really Excited About

GMMTV 2025 Line Up - My Totally Biased and Wildly Flawed Feels

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENT

Drive by phone repair for the win. I love them both so much.

That is the jock saying it to the nerd. Yes our nerd is the top in this dynamic. When I tell you to watch a thing, I'm not joking around!

(last week)

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

[swampgothing]

The handling of Sevika and Ekko is weird, right? Sevika gets dropped for most of the season then suddenly becomes the zaunite leader out of literally nowhere when the last time we see her with the people of Zaun they see jinx as their leader and we never see what makes them suddenly respect her (not to mention shes an oppressed person on a majority council where she has maybe one ally if you squint). Ekko disappears most of the season then reappears for an episode that takes place in a different universe (no hate to ep 7 it was my fave in s2) then has some mysterious talk with jinx that makes him save the day then he comes in clutch to save everyone at the last moment and his story ends with him depressed and alone. Both characters end on a low point Ekko is alone in Zaun (who knows if the firelights stuck together after the final fight since we don't know if the firelight tree survives) and Sevika is on a council surrounded by people who do not like her and have oppressed her her entire life in a position she at no point is ever seen to want she seemed to enjoy her place as a right hand woman rather than the person calling shots. It's made worse because Sevika and Ekko are likely being left behind with the ending of Arcane so we'll never get any more of their stories. They feel like they're just there because one is a character in lol and they needed to put more league characters and the other is there because they needed someone to take the title as leader of Zaun. We never really learn about Ekko as a person outside of how he interacts with Jinx and that he leads the firelights (we never learn about the firelights either) and we learn absolutely nothing and Sevika either except that she enjoys gambling(I'm still mad about the teaser that went nowhere). This is all consequence of the horrible shift to a action music video that features recurring characters in s2 instead of a story about characters that features action and music like s1. It's also a consequence of the writers dropping the Piltover v Zaun storyline without Piltover v Zaun Ekko and Sevika lose their reason to exist in the story. Considering the important roles they both have in the finale they both should have been explored more.

[morgana-larkin]

Can I please please request an angsty but wt a happy ending fic with Mel/Reader? Mel getting wt mr fireman just pissed me off….. anyway setting is as is in s4 except readers exists as a teacher too and is in love wt Mel, which everyone knows and Mel kinda feels it too (and she sctually likes her too!) but she doesnt wanna believe it since shes like Janine’s age. Al throughout the school year Mels flirting wt reader at the same time she casually seeing mr fireman and so reader is conflicted. Comes ep 4, when Mel gets pissed by mr firemans rejection, reader hatches a plan to come clean and bare her feelings to Melissa but then she hears ‘The’ convo where mel says she doesnt wanna stay casual anymore and then reader leaves crying she didnt hear that mels reason is that she wanna be wt reader. Queue more angst before their happy ending, please decide how that goes.

….. and all that.. im sorry this is such a specific promt the ep just got to me real good😭

Hey anon! I'm totally with you on how you feel about the firefighter! I wasn't going to write this so soon after it was sent to me but after seeing him in the most recent episode, let's just say I immediately starting writing this out of hatred for him. And I would like to ask for someone to warn me if he's ever in a future episode! I watch the episode the next day on Disney+ so there's time for a warning, just saying. Not edited in the slightest and I hope you like it!

Summary: Everyone keeps telling you that Melissa likes you and you're not sure if you believe them or not.

She Likes Me, She Likes Me Not

Warnings: Jealous reader

Words: 4.5K

“Hey Y/n.” Melissa tells you and you turn around to see her behind you in the parking lot.

“Hi Melissa! How was your weekend?” You ask her.

“It was good, I saw Robinson again.” She tells you and you hum. “What bout you?”

“Had a relaxing weekend after all the grading I had to do last week for the mid term report cards.” You say and she smiles.

“That’s good, you deserve a relaxing weekend.” She says as she gets her phone out from her bag.

“Thank you. Is that a new blazer?” You ask her and she nods.

“It is, I’m glad someone always notices.” She tells you.

“Well I notice a lot of things about you.” You say and she looks at you with a smile.

“Is that so?”

“Ya, and might I add, as much as the blazers look good on you, your leather jackets look really good on you.” You tell her and she laughs.

“Like women in leather jackets, hon?” She asks and you shrug.

“Maybe.” You say.

“Well maybe I’ll wear one tomorrow just for you.” She tells you and you look at her and she winks with a smile. You feel a flutter in your stomach at that before her phone gets a notification. “Captain Rob is messaging me already, it’s not even 8am.” She complains as she enjoys quiet mornings before she has to teach.

“You don’t have to reply right…and you’re already replying.” You say as you see her put her glasses on and begin texting.

“If I don’t reply right away then I might forget.” She tells you and walk into the breakroom.

“Would it be bad if you forgot?” You ask her and she chuckles before she puts her lunch box in the fridge.

“Maybe not, it’d be bad if I forgot to message you back.” She says as she’s getting some coffee from the pot and you put your lunch in the fridge. 

“Damn right it would be.” You say and she smiles at you.

“Do you need some coffee?” She asks and you nod before looking at the pot.

“Just take the last of this one and I’ll make another pot.” You tell her.

“No, give me your mug.” She says and you tilt your head.

“Meli-”

“Give me your mug or the rest of the coffee is getting poured on your head.” She says sternly.

“You wouldn’t, would you?” 

“Wanna find out?” She asks and you give her your mug.

“Not really.” You tell her.

“Wise choice.” She says and then the trio calls you over. You thank Melissa for the coffee before going to sit down with the trio. Melissa then makes a new pot of coffee while glancing at you a few times. The only one who seemed to notice her glancing at you is Barb.

“You could just tell her your feelings.” Barb mutters as Melissa sits down with her coffee.

“No idea what you’re talking about.” Melissa tells her.

“Girl, you like her and she likes you, so just tell her.” Barb says, quietly enough so you don’t hear.

“She doesn’t like me, she’s the same age as the trio over there. She wouldn’t like someone who’s my age.” Melissa says and Barb shakes her head.

“She likes you, we all see it.”

“I’m not going to tell her, plus I like having these casual relationships.” Melissa tells her.

“Alright.” Barb says and then Melissa glances at you telling some story to the trio and she smiles before she remembers what Barb said and she looks down.

“So are you going to tell Melissa?” Janine asks you quietly so Melissa doesn’t hear.

“Tell her what?” You ask.

“That you like her.” Janine says as your jaw drops as Jacob looks at you with interest as he waits for your answer.

“I-I, how do you know?” You ask her.

“Because it’s obvious.” She simply says and both Jacob and Gregory nod.

“Well I’m not going to say anything.” You tell them.

“Why not?” Jacob asks you.

“Because she’s still having that casual thing with the fireman.” You tell them.

“But if you told her then she might stop so she can be with you.” Janine says enthusiastically and you shake your head.

“I think you also forget the fact that she doesn’t have feelings for me.” You say.

“Oh she has feelings for you.” She tells you and Jacob nods.

“It’s obvious.” Jacob says.

“She’s just nice and funny, doesn’t mean she has feelings for me.” You tell them and they don’t look convinced but drop the subject.

On Tuesday morning she walks to her classroom and she passes by your classroom and sees you spinning in your chair. She stops at your doorway and knocks on the door.

“What are you doing, hon?” She asks.

“Getting dizzy.” You say and she walks in. “Getting my mind off of all the work I’ll have to do next week.” You say and she hums before she stops your chair and you see she’s staring at you. “Woah, there’s like 5 of you, I honestly can barely handle one of you.” You say and she giggles.

“I get that a lot.” She jokes. “Maybe having some coffee and talking to some coworkers will help.” She suggests.

“Maybe.” You tell her and stand up. You go to walk but still slightly dizzy and you lose your balance and fall into Melissa but luckily she catches you. “Maybe I need a minute.” You say as she helps you sit back in your chair. 

“So what do your little 3rd graders have to do next week that you’re stressed about?” She asks and you look at her.

“You say that like an insult.” You tell her and she tilts her head. “They have two tests next week and because the art teacher is on vacation, I don’t have that free period to mark them.” You tell her and she sits on your desk.

“Well if you want then I can help you mark them next week.” She offers and you look at her.

“Melissa, you have your own work to grade.” You say and she puts her feet on the arms of your chair and gets you to look at her.

“I’m offering to help because I can. Now, do you want me to help or not?” She asks and you look at her.

“Yes, please.” You tell her and she smiles.

“Then I’ll help, now was that so hard?” She asks and you sigh.

“Yes.” You mutter under your breath and she tilts her head.

“What was that?”

“I said no.” You say and she hums.

“That’s what I thought. Now, come on, let’s get some coffee in you.” She says as she gets down, gets you to stand up and brings you to the break room by grabbing your hand.

You and Melissa have gotten close since the beginning of this year as you returned for another year at Abbott after you got hired and took her third graders so she didn’t have a split class for another year. She avoided you for the first 6 months of your first year but then slowly began talking to you as it seemed like you were staying. Over the summer you began realising that you have a crush on her as you began to miss her. You ended up sending her a text at the beginning of August to tell her happy birthday and then you kept texting her, and to your surprise she kept texting you back. She ended up asking you on the 2nd week of August to meet up to spend some time together before school starts and you immediately said yes. 

Since the school year started, her attitude towards you changed drastically as it seemed like she actually cares about you. She’s brought in a few dishes for you to try, has invited you to her house to have dinner, makes jokes when you’re having a bad day, knows how to calm you down when a parent or anyone else makes you mad, and she tries to help you anyway she can as you’re a new teacher. You decided early on that you’re not going to question her or make a big deal out of it as you like the attention she’s giving you. Unfortunately last year you were at the CPR training and overheard her talking about being casual with captain Robinson, so when you caught feelings for her, you decided to keep it a secret.

On Wednesday you were filling out a student’s file while Melissa was writing something down. You put the file in the cabinet and then went back to Melissa.

“So what are you doing on the weekend?” You ask her.

“Nothing yet, why? Got something you want to do?” She asks and you nod.

“Well I was thinking maybe we can order some pizza and watch a movie on Saturday night.” You offer and she smiles as the front door opens.

“Sure, sounds like fun, we can have it at my place.” She tells you and you nod before she looks to see who entered and you both see Gary there.

“Hey Gary.” She says and then looks at you as you start to walk away. “I’ll see you later, Y/n.” She says and you nod before you leave them to have a moment alone.

Gary walks in a few minutes after you and goes to the vending machine as you’re making a coffee.

“Hey Y/n.” He says to you and you look at him.

“Hi Gary, how’ve you been?” You ask him and then look at him.

“Well I’m getting married.” He says with a smile.

“Oh congrats, that’s what you wanted.” You say as you remember the reason that Melissa dumped him.

“Ya I do. So how have you been?” He asks.

“I’ve been good, finished report cards on time so that’s always good.” You tell him with a small laugh.

“Ya, that is good. So how long have you and Melissa been dating?” He casually asks and you furrow your eyebrows.

“Me and Melissa? Oh we’re not dating. Why-why would you think we’re dating?” You ask him.

“Because of the look you two gave each other in the hallway.” He tells you and you look down. “Oh I see, feelings are there but no one’s admitted anything.” He says.

“There’s only feelings on my end, none on hers.” 

“Look, take it from me, from someone who’s been with Melissa. She likes you but just like she was with me, she’s too scared to admit it.” He says before he continues refilling the vending machine. You then let it run through your brain as the bell rings and the other teachers start to filter in after a few minutes.

“Hey Y/n, so what movie do you want to watch on Saturday?” Melissa asks as she walks in.

“I don’t know, but I have a feeling you might have a suggestion.” You tell her and she smiles.

“I might.” She says as she grabs her lunch and gets her food out as you listen to a few of her suggestions. As she mentions the suggestions, you notice Gary looking at you and you glance at him and he has a smile on his face. He then mouths ‘she likes you’ to you and you look back at Melissa who seems to be giving you a description of the movies to help you decide which one to watch.

On Thursday you happen to arrive at the same time as Jacob and Melissa. You hear parts of their conversation as you’re texting a couple friends back.

“So who are you bringing to Gary’s wedding?” You hear Jacob ask.

“Probably Captain Robinson, he’s always a good time.” She says and you look up from her phone as thoughts race through your mind all at once.

“Jacob, he’s still saved in my phone as fireman number two, I think we’re good.” Melissa tells Jacob and realised you missed a whole conversation. You’re even more conflicted now as you think that Melissa immediately thought to invite Captain Rob instead of someone else or even you. If she likes you like everyone says then why didn’t she think to invite you instead?

You notice a shift in Melissa at lunch as she storms into the breakroom. You wait until after school to talk to her. You catch up with her in the parking lot and she turns around to face you after you call out to her.

“Hey, just wanted to make sure you’re ok.” You tell her.

“Captain Rob turned me down for Gary’s wedding.” She admits. “He already has plans with another girl on the same night.” 

“Well that’s his loss. I bet that you’re more fun at a wedding than whatever he has planned with that girl.” You say to her.

“They’re going to the symphony.” She says and you scoff.

“See? His loss.” You tell her and she smiles.

“Thanks, just disappointed. Thought I’d have a date for my ex-boyfriend’s wedding.” She says. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” She tells you and you nod before she walks to her car and drives off.

That night, the thoughts go through your mind. You think this might be the right time to tell her about your feelings. That firefighter is going out with another girl and Melissa is looking for a date to the wedding. You think you should just tell her that you can go to the wedding with her and that you have a crush on her, that you have for 8 months.

On Friday morning you walk in with some confidence. You went over your speech all evening and you have the perfect one that you want to say. You know Melissa is here as you saw her car in the parking lot. You walk through the school and make it to the break room, before you walk in you hear Melissa yelling and you open the door slightly to hear the conversation.

“No, no I don’t think I do.” You hear Melissa say softly.

“I think someone wants to go steady.” Barb says and you lean in closer to see if you can hear who they’re talking about.

“I think it’s good that Captain Rob rejected you. Made you realise you don’t want to be casual anymore.” Jacob says and you freeze.

She wants to be with Captain Robinson? Him! Why him! Everyone was saying that she liked you and now here she was saying that she wants to be with Captain Rob. You then run away to your classroom, lock the door, and then you let the tears flow. 20 minutes pass by and you hear a knock on your door and you try not to make any noise as you were right on the other side of the door. You look at the time and see you still have 10 minutes until school starts.

“Y/n, are you in here?” You hear Melissa ask. A few seconds pass and you press your ear to the door and you hear her sigh. “Where could she be?” You hear Melissa ask before you hear her heels get more and more faint as she walks away. 

Melissa being casual with people was one thing, you can live with that, but here in a relationship is completely different. You’d have to watch as he hugs her, kisses her, touches her, makes her happy the way you want to be with her. You end up avoiding her the rest of the day as you try to work out your feelings and process the information of her choosing him instead of you. Melissa takes notice of how you don’t look her way or talk to her at lunch, you don’t text her throughout the day and you don't wait for her in the hallway so you can both walk to your cars together. Melissa is confused by this sudden change and she doesn’t even know what happened. She tells Barb as she walks with her to their cars together.

“Maybe she’s going through something and just needs some space. But you’re seeing her tomorrow so she might be back to herself by then.” Barb says and Melissa nods as she reaches her car.

“Ok, ya, maybe. I really do need to talk to her.” Melissa says before she gets in her car and drives home. 

The next day around noon, Melissa is cleaning up and she feels a vibration in her pocket. She reaches in her pocket and takes her phone out and sees she got a text from you. She quickly goes into her phone and her smile drops at your text.

You: Sorry, have to cancel, I think I’m sick

Melissa: Ok, hope you feel better

Melissa sends the text and puts her phone back in her pocket and slumps down onto the couch. She was looking forward to spending time with you, to have fun with you, to talk to you about something important. She then realises that she can still do two of those things before she goes to have a shower. After a shower she gets dressed, does her hair, makeup, puts her leather jacket on and then she’s out the door. She knocks on your door 10 minutes later and you open your door without checking who was there first.

“Melissa?” You ask before you cough.

“Hey hon, I figured I could come over and help you get better.” She says and you stare at her before you step aside to let her in. She steps aside and takes a good look at you after you close the door. You’re wearing your robe, hair up in a ponytail, eyes slightly puffy and your nose is red, more than likely from blowing your nose. 

In all honesty, you don’t know if you’re sick or just heartbroken and the symptoms match both. You were coughing a lot but it could have just been from the screaming and crying you’ve been doing, so now your throat is dry. You have to blow your nose a lot but it could just be from all the crying. You know you don’t look your best as the colour has left your face quite a bit but that was also a symptom of being sick and heartbroken.

“Do you have a fever?” She asks and you shrug.

“I don’t know.” You say, voice raspy and dry. “I have a runny nose, coughing and feeling lethargic.” You explain and she hums.

“Sounds like just a small cold. Do you have medicine?” She asks and you nod.

“Bathroom cabinet.” You say as you sit back on the couch. Melissa has been at your place numerous times so she knows where most things are by now. She comes back with the medicine a couple minutes later and gets a spoon from the kitchen. Your house is a bachelor, so everything is open and Melissa has told you many times that she likes your open kitchen, more room to cook. She goes up to you, puts some medicine on the spoon and feeds it to you before she puts it down on the coffee table and sits on the couch next to you.

“Have you eaten at all?” She asks and you shake your head.

“Don’t have an appetite right now. I just want to sleep.” You tell her.

“You can put your head on my lap if you want, I don’t mind.” She says and you look at her in confusion.

“Melissa, why are you here?” You ask her and she tilts her head.

“I already told you, I came to help take care of you.” She says and you lay down, head on the pillow on the other side of the couch from Melissa. 

“Don’t know why you care.” You mutter before falling asleep. Even though you muttered it on the brink of sleep, Melissa clearly heard it and she furrowed her eyebrows. 

You wake up and you smell something good and hear movement behind you. You look over and see Melissa making something in your kitchen. You see some grocery bags as well and realise she went to the store to get some things to cook for you. You then notice that there’s a blanket around you and a box of kleenex on the coffee table close by. You stand up and wrap the blanket back around you before you make your way over to the kitchen.

“Hey, you’re awake. You should go back and rest.” Melissa says as she sees you walking over.

“I need to stretch my legs. What are you doing?” You ask her.

“Making soup. Something full of what you need to help you feel better and also something easy to digest.” She explains. 

You watch as she continues making the food as you sit down at the kitchen island. She hands you a small bowl of the soup when she’s done as she puts some in another bowl for herself. You take a couple small bites and you hum.

“It’s good.” You tell her and she smiles.

“Did you have any doubt that it wouldn’t?” She asks and you can’t help but smile.

“Maybe a little bit of doubt.” You say and she rolls her eyes playfully. You eat the whole bowl as she only gave you half a bowl.

“Want more? I made plenty. There’s like 10 servings of the soup left.” She tells you and you shake your head. 

“I’m good for now, but thank you.” You tell her and she nods before you go to the couch after she refused to let you help clean up. She joins you on the couch a few minutes later and she looks at you.

“Can I ask you something?” She asks and you nod. “Before you fell asleep, you muttered something, you said, don’t know why you care.” She says and you let out a breath. “Do you really think I don’t care about you?” She asks you.

“Just don’t know why you’re here instead of at your new boyfriend’s place.” You say and she furrows her eyebrows in confusion.

“Boyfriend? And who’s this boyfriend that I apparently have?” She asks.

“Or at least your future boyfriend, Captain Robinson.” You tell her and she turns her body towards you and moves some loose strands out of your face that fell out of your ponytail.

“Hon, he’s not my boyfriend, he’s never going to be my boyfriend.” She says and you look at her.

“But, you were angry that he was going out with another girl and you said you didn’t want to be casual with him anymore.” You say and she tilts her head.

“How do you know I don’t want to be casual with him anymore?” She asks.

“I overheard your conversation in the break room on Friday morning.” You admit and she hums.

“And how much of that conversation did you hear?” 

“Just the ending. That you don’t want to be casual, that you want a relationship with him, and Jacob saying something about that it’s good that he rejected you.” You tell her.

“Is that why you avoided me on Friday?” She asks and since you have nothing to lose, you nod.

“I see.” She says and you look to see her thinking about something. Thinking about how to phrase the next sentence. “You seemed to have eavesdropped at the worst moment.” Is all she says and you look at her in confusion.

“The worst moment? I shouldn’t have eavesdropped at all!” You yell as you stand up, blanket dropping from your shoulders. “If I didn’t then I wouldn’t have heard that you want to be in a relationship with that…dumbass!” You yell and Melissa gets up and goes to you. “No! Don’t come near me!” You yell at her and she stops in her place and nods.

“Ok, I’ll stay here.” She tells you.

“Do you have any idea what it’s been like for me? To watch from the sidelines, how you sleep with man after man who definitely don’t deserve you in the slightest.” You say and she opens her mouth to say something but you keep going. “Or how it feels to have fallen for a person who doesn’t even think twice about you? Cause I’ve fallen for you and think about you all the time and you just see me as a friend to hang out with every now and then.” You say and then realise you just confessed your feelings by accident. You then fall down and start crying on the floor. Melissa immediately runs to you and wraps her arms around you. “I said don’t touch me!” You yell and try to break free but she holds on and you eventually just give up fighting and cry in her arms.

“Shh, it’s ok.” She soothes, trying to calm you down. She moves one of her hands to your head and begins scratching your scalp and rests your head on her chest. Eventually you run out of tears and your whole body feels like it can’t move so you just stay wrapped up in her arms on the floor. “You’re ok.” She says and you take out your hair elastic as it started bothering you and let your hair fall around your face. Melissa moves your hair out of your face before she shifts to get more comfortable on the floor.

“I probably just ruined everything between us.” You say with a sniffle.

“No, you didn’t.” She tells you softly. “Truth is I’m glad you mentioned having feelings for me, it just makes this easier.” She says and you lift your head to look at her.

“Makes what easier?” You say.

“Earlier when I said that you eavesdropped at the worst moment, I said it because you didn’t hear that I was talking about you.” She admits and you just stare at her. “I was talking about wanting to end being casual with Robinson and be with you.” She adds and your jaw drops. “Y/n, I like you but I’ve been so scared about telling you. I thought that maybe you liked me as well but you’re 30, you’re 24 years younger than me. I thought that maybe you don’t want to be with someone as old as me.” She tells you and you surge forward and kiss her. 

Melissa is shocked for a second but then kisses you back, she puts her hands in your hair and keeps you close as she doesn’t want the kiss to stop. You both pull back when air is needed and she leans her forehead against yours with a soft smile. 

“So if I got this right, that Captain never stood a chance.” You say and Melissa giggles.

“You got that right.” She says with a smile before you go and kiss her again. You kiss her with more force than she was expecting and she ends up falling backwards on her back with you on top, still kissing her, and she laughs.

Taglist: @esposadejoyhuerta

@imaginesmultifandoms 

@idonothingalldays-blog 

@sexysapphicshopowner 

@dvrkhcld 

@lilfartbox1

@ricejucie 

@unicorniusfallapatorius

@a-queen-and-her-throne

@sleep-deprived-athlete

@og-kxsh-420

@sasheemo

@midnight-lestrange

@thnxdg

@morgananyx

@schmentisgf

@cblanchetts

@that-october-night

@schemmentigfs

@italianaidiota

@ambessas-doll

@ankhsta

@olderwomenenthusiast

@ackleybloodybridge

@creaturesaphique

@cupldscntrl

@calliopetworld

@alwaysgoodnight

@yoyo-w

@fragile-angell

@upsidedowndanvers

@lissyganda

@sapphictacobomb

@dopenightmaretyphoon

@lisaannwalterlover

@rep-aj-lover

Let me know if you want to be added!

[thursdayinspace]

So I rewatched "Our Town" last night and when I sat down at my laptop this morning to do something that was not writing, I ended up writing instead. These things happen. Just a silly fluffy-ish little thing because omg that ep is so gross and also Scully has to be getting sick of being abducted all the time. Mulder feels the same way.

She can’t sleep. It’s not every day you almost get beheaded—even after everything that she’s already been through this year, it seems there are still things that can shake her up pretty badly. She rolls over on the lumpy motel mattress and tries to get comfortable. For a glorious moment, she considers quitting. Handing Skinner her resignation and walking away, finding a nice job with regular hours where people won’t handcuff her to radiators, stick her in closets, contort their stretchy bodies through cracks in her bathroom window, or drive her around in the trunks of their cars before handing her over to aliens or the government or whatever theory Mulder’s going with right now. A job where she won’t spend the end of a work day strapped into a metal harness as a guy in a mask raises an ax above her head.

In her mind she pictures a simple life: a nice house with a yard, a dog greeting her as she opens the door and walks inside after a long day at the hospital…no, a private practice? A day of teaching? Whatever she’s been doing, she walks into a kitchen that smells like home-cooked dinner, leaning up to kiss her faceless husband who’s vaguely Mulder-shaped. “Honey, I’m home!” “Dinner’s almost ready! How was your day?” “Fine. Narrowly avoided decapitation. Nothing exciting.” Fuck. Not even fantasy-Scully can escape the absurdity of this life.

The knock on her door doesn’t even surprise her. She already knows who it is. He stopped waking her unless it’s something really important, so she groans and gets up, her bones aching, weeping inwardly as she makes her way to the door. So she can’t sleep; that doesn’t mean she wants to spend the night going over their case report or whatever that infuriatingly charming insomniac wants from her this time.

But when she opens the door, he doesn’t look as if he wants to go over case reports. He looks like shit. As much as that’s even possible for him. Another thing that’s simply unfair about her life, she thinks with a sigh. Even with bags under his eyes and pale as a sheet he still looks beautiful. “Mulder?” she says.

He doesn’t answer, just steps right into her and pulls her into a wordless hug, so tight she’s a little afraid he’ll crack her ribs. She hugs him back weakly and pats his back, not quite sure what else to do since she has no idea what the fuck he’s even doing. She expects him to pull back, but he just keeps holding on, and she’s genuinely having trouble breathing.

“Uh, Mulder?” she says again, a little louder.

“You’re okay,” he mumbles into her hair, and she wiggles in his arms, trying to loosen his grip.

“Not for much longer if you don’t let go.”

“Sorry.” He drops his arms and takes a step back, but keeps looking at her like he’s never seen her before. “Sorry, I just—”

“It’s fine,” she says. “Did you have a bad dream?”

He shakes his head. “I couldn’t sleep.”

“Yeah.” She grimaces. “Me neither. It’s been…a day.”

“Are you sure you’re okay?” he asks, and she laughs. She’s too tired not to.

“Thanks to your timely rescue, my head is still firmly attached to my body.” It sounds a little bitter, and she’s surprised at herself before she feels another little piece of her frustration clicking into place. Ah, yes, she thinks. There’s that too. Rescued once again. She makes a mental note: fantasy-Scully in her little imaginary suburban nine-to-five utopia will never have to be rescued. She’s gonna be the one doing all the rescuing. Except nobody needs to be rescued in that perfect little world, because nothing bad ever happens to anyone.

“You don’t sound okay,” Mulder says, and she closes her eyes for a second. She’s not annoyed with him, she reminds herself. It’s not his fault that she became part of these townsfolks’ dinner plans, and it’s not his fault that she needed him to keep that from happening.

“I’m just a little tired.”

“I’ll let you sleep.” He sounds exhausted and when she looks at him, she sees leftover fear in his eyes. “No more interruptions, I promise.”

Her hand reaches out for his before she’s fully conscious of what she’s doing. It’s just that he’s here and she’s had enough of being Agent Scully for tonight, and he really looks so much like Doctor Scully’s faceless dinner-cooking husband in her nice little fantasy home. “Come on,” she says.

“What are you—”

“Bed,” she explains, hoping he won’t ask any more questions.

“Oh. Okay.”

She gets in on her side and is relieved when he lies down next to her without another word. She closes her eyes, but she can feel him stock-still as a statue next to her, she can feel the tension radiating off of him, and, hell, it sounds like he’s even trying to breathe without making a sound. So she grabs his arm and rolls onto her side, tugging him with her until he has his back against her chest, and she holds firmly onto his hand and snuggles back into him.

“Scully?” he asks, sounding a little confused.

“Relax, Mulder,” she tells him. “Sleep.”

“Are you sure?”

“About sleeping?”

“You know what I mean.”

She laughs and squeezes his fingers. “No. Of course not. But honestly? I really don’t care right now.”

“Okay,” he says, and he gets it, she knew he’d get it. “Okay,” he repeats, and laces their fingers together. She feels him lift his head, feels his hot breath against the side of her face, and then a gentle kiss against the corner of her eye. “Good night, Scully.”

“Good night, Mulder.”

Behind her closed eyelids, fantasy Scully lies just like this with her faceless partner, who’s just as warm and smells just as good as real Scully’s friend-partner spooned up behind her. The only difference is that her own real Mulder is…well, real. No matter how perfect her beautiful little dream house with her beautiful perfect husband may be, she kind of prefers snuggling with someone who has a face and a name. And maybe she’d actually miss the mess.

Not all of it. Not the ax-swinging, homicidal maniacs or the lumpy motel mattresses. But a partner who knocks on her door in the middle of the night because he couldn’t sleep without making sure she was okay? Who sleeps wrapped around her with his breath ruffling the hair at the back of her neck, knowing this isn’t leading anywhere other than comfort and friendship? And…she kisses the backs of his fingers once she convinces herself he’s probably asleep…a vague hope that maybe this won’t always be all there is between them?

Yeah. She’ll take it.

[the-deca]

moments where the music sounded familiar

i'm going to go through the episode and find. well. moments where the music sounded familiar!

first off!

we've got amy's theme here. perhaps since they've both had something bad happen in their home time (the big bang 2, whatever has happened on 24th may) and it's affected their parents? but you could have also used martha's theme (the year that never was) or donna's theme (the earth disappearing) to the same effect, so why amy's theme? interesting to think about

except, this isn't amy's theme. yes, it's music from her theme, but actually, it's 'roman paradox'. you can tell from the little 'musical swoop' it does when 15 messes with the vortex indicator. so this is actually music associated with rory. hmm! two nurses who both call the doctor out on his shit? this get's more and more interesting!

the music here made me think about 'melody pond'? but that might just be similar notes being used, i can't think why there would be a link between the vortex indicator and melody/river. unless? but god knows what it would be. made a little more interesting by the fact we just had "amy's theme" though...

the music here feels like it should be familiar? but that could just be my brain going 'yeah that's murray gold music'. thought it was worth including though, just in case anyone else recognises it!

is this music? debatable. it IS an arpeggio though, so i'm counting it. also, does the trickster laugh in arpeggio then? because i've gone back and looked and. like, not really, but kinda? if you squint? squint your ears... i'm getting off track

the sad man with a box! the song choice here REALLY made this scene. i was actually tearing up, and i don't do that very often. and again, the series 5 soundtrack! maybe murray was just in a series 5 mood when he scored this ep (does murray do that or does russell do that? i don't know). but it is interesting

but now onto the best part (in my opinion)

THIS. THIS RIGHT HERE? DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS SOUNDS LIKE TO ME?

i think this sounds like this is gallifrey

now! not exactly. but listen to the last 15 seconds or so of this is gallifrey, then listen to the music that plays here. maybe i'm going mad. but i hear that in this music. also a bit of the master vainglorious? that's what i originally thought it sounded like, but now i think it's a bit more like the end of this is gallifrey. though i still think i hear elements of the master vainglorious in there.

my point is, this sounded familiar. very familiar. now maybe im just too used to murray gold's musical signatures, but i dont know. this feels significant. maybe they just wanted something that sounded like a musical homage that felt important while they were burning the tapes, since like. well we all know about doctor who and tapes. but what's the point of being a doctor who fan if not to read into things too deeply?

again. the music here. maybe it's just those classic murray gold choir vocals, but this felt familiar too. my brain is saying series 4, but i can't find anything that fits. life among the distant stars and the doctors theme series 4 have a similar feeling to me, so maybe that's just it, or perhaps it is an actual reused track. if anyone can tell me if they recognise it, please do

so! that's everything. there's probably some things i missed, and some of this may just be me putting my wishful thinking hat on. but it is interesting. at the very least, we can definitely say that roman paradox and the sad man with a box were in there, and that does feel like something! we've got a very similar thing going on here with the 26th June 2010 and the 24th May 2025. the world ending on the exact same day as the series finale? it feels like the use of music from series 5 isn't a coincidence. roman paradox didn't need to play when belinda talked about her parents, and there's a lot of emotional music for the scene with the fans that could have been chosen aside from the sad man with a box. so why those two choices?

and as for my other more tentative guesses, i dont know! why use something that sounds like melody pond? why use something that sounds like this is gallifrey (or the master vainglorious?). i really don't know. i do have a feeling that this could all be leading up to Some Time Lord Involvement. belinda said that there were "no other time lords". and that felt quite specific to me. the doctor just said he's the last of the time lords, why repeat what he said but paraphrased? unless that's a nudge nudge moment from russell? we have no idea what's up with mrs flood, but her being a time lord isn't out of the question. and we had mentions of susan in the s1 finale, and now a lot of mentions of gallifrey? it's reminding me of how we got discussion of gallifrey in s3 leading up to that finale, hell, gallifrey wasn't even mentioned by name until the runaway bride, and then again in gridlock. i could be barking up the wrong tree, but it does all feel like Something is going on.

i'm interested to see what other people think of this, music is one of the things that really ties a story together and i don't think those choices are made casually. i wonder what i'll think looking back on my theorising here after the finale...

[authoratmidnight]

Funniest possible idea that came to me.

TFP au where Megatron DOES end up killing Starscream (maybe in that fit he had at the end of ep 14).

EXCEPT, since Starscream is fueled entirely by spite and his desire to kick Megatron's ass, he returns as a ghost to haunt Megatron's ass and cause problems and there is NOTHING Megatron can do to stop him or get rid of him (is exorcism even a thing??).

Sure, he can't be the leader of the Decepticons now but like, he can still make life really really hard for Megatron.

It's a huge W for Starscream and somehow dying was the best thing for him.

Big L for Megatron tho.

Also this would make Megatron's "I don't believe in spirits" to Bumblebee really funny. Oh, you don't believe in ghosts? Get haunted bitch.

[burningcheese-merchant]

*PUSHES THE DISCOURSE OUT* Okay! I just wanted to talk about this bit of the story because I hardly see anyone giving it attention.

Remember there was this whole segment in BY 5, where it talked about the Soul Jams? It fascinated me of how it talked about the two halves shouldn't be united, since everything would perish because of the union. One could assume that it meant to emphasize the point that the Beasts should not get the other half of the Soul Jam, bu after the latest BY episodes, with the whole thing about PV and SM soul merging (no matter how brief it was), it feels like there could be more to the poem now.

Maybe it's my shipping brain making me delusional, but I feel like the poem might become applicaple in some way for the rest of the Beasts and Ancients later on in the story. I would absolutely go wild to see GC and BS soul merge-

Don't worry, I'm equally as delusional lmaoooooo and also, you have a point. As the Beast-Yeast storyline goes on, I feel like they're diving deeper into the truth of the Beasts and Ancients' dynamic: they're not just generic enemies, they're literal soulmates. Two halves of a whole. They want and need each other, they ARE each other in some ways, for better or worse. They went full mask-off with PV and SM but imo you see it in the other pairs and their episodes as well.

With the commentary in ep 5 about how the Soul Jams shouldn't reunite, I really think it's the more baseline thing of "if they reunite, BS will be unstoppable and evil wins". Eps 7 and 8 reveal the truth of the matter for ALL the pairs imo, not just PV and SM, which is that they belong together, it is actual, literal destiny, they are nothing without each other and define each other's lives and the virtues/vices they uphold. What is Truth without Deceit? What is Abundance without Destruction? These things simply cannot be, unless they are together. (BS himself even acknowledges it in one of his leaked affection lines: "You see, a world of Abundance can only be built on the ruins of the past". He admits that Abundance needs Destruction. That Golden Cheese needs him. And he needs her.)

I've said this before but I can honestly talk about the BurningCheese dynamic for SOOOOO long. They drive me insane. There's so much to dissect and analyze about them, but no one will do it except for me 😭 Look:

They even have their own "in the end, you will become me" moment 😭 their relationship is just as deep as PV and SM's, you guys... Please, I can't be the only one who sees and knows this......

(also... Dude. I would have KILLED to see them merge souls like PV and SM did. CAN YOU IMAGINE. BS already demonstrated that he cares about HER, not the Soul Jam, not really (he had it in his hands and he DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WITH IT. He just went "meh whatever this was supposed to happen" and then started whining and fussing about wanting to see GC again). Can you fucking imagine if they followed through with the line shown above and had GC give in to destruction, like how PV gave in to deceit? If GC had her own "corrupted" skin, like Truthless Recluse? I dare you to tell me BS wouldn't have been excited as all hell if she submitted to him like that. He was horny af throughout their fight, he would've busted a nut on the spot if that happened 😂 the concept has been haunting me since ep 8, I would've died happy if there had been a BurningCheese soul merge, God I need to learn to draw properly so I can bring that shit to life myself-)

[cheesymellow]

Alright after processing everything that’s happened, Heres my predictions and theories for EP:8

(Spoilers, ofc, +horrible explaining!!)

.

.

Alright starting with my theories on “Truthless Recluse” aka corrupted pv

So first off, I believe this truthless recluse ISNT actually pv, or at least the REAL real real pv. lemme explain-

This specific dialogue gave me an idea..

What if Pure vanilla was hiding this half of himself without knowing it? And shadow milk’s goal was to reveal this other half, These 2 half’s of him probably being:

A:

The pure vanilla we all know and love, The truthful one, The one that never gives up for peace and the happiness of all cookie kind!

B:

The “real” pure vanilla, The shame, doubt, and hatred of himself thinking he’s worthless, And that he cant help all cookies. basically the depressed side

Ever since ep 10 of crispia. Pure vanilla was able to let go of pv B and always stayed persistent and kind. Splitting himself in half. Only ever revealing the other side of him when provoked & manipulated.. Only by one specific cookie.. Shadow milk!.. So.. silly lil smilk mentally tortured PV A in order to let pv show the “real” him. PV B

So, Hes split by shadow milk cookie in order to truly break him. So like uhm, The sides switched. PV A is the one hidden within the abyss of regret now while PV B is the one as Truthless Recluse.

So like, Its still him. But not the full him. And in believe pv B is aware of that. Except, He thinks A is nothing but a poor illusion. What is he is now, Is the “real him”. (in his eyes prob)

And the only way for him to awaken is if he embraces both sides of himself. By accepting the cruel truth about the world and that he cant save everyone, Its inevitable. But aslong as he dosent give up and tries. Its the best he can do, and it still makes an impact on cookiekind

So the only way to bring him back is for the trio (or possibily WL) to do the opposite of smilk:

Give this man a WARM BLANKET. SLEEP. HOT COCOA. ALL HIS FRIENDS THERE FOR HIM, ALL HIS SHEEP AND A THERAPIST

But even if he does awaken and embrace those two sides. Its safe to say he will never FULLY recover from what shadow milk has done to him. Its gonna take an awfull long while for him to do so. And i hope devsis KNOWS THAT.

Anyways moving on~

He also couldve been truthless recluse for a WHILEEE by now..

comfirmed by fortune teller. shadow milk can probably control time in the spire with a flick of a wrist!

meaning that.. Even if the trio only ventured for merely a few hours. What if pure vanilla/truthless recluse has to experience days of torture and suffering to turn like that.. Only proof i have of this theory is his eyebags (he’s had too much.)

this is PV B were talking abt. so Since he literally has no hope anymore he’s probably been overthinking about everything nonestop, his uselessness, his failure as a king, his whole life merely being a game to shadow milk. HIS WHOLE LIFE BEING A LIE. Which explains the eyes :((

Im gonna hope its just emo eyeshadow

The pupils & eyecolor also intrigue me too. I believe its to show how shadow milk has control of him now. Orr, It shows how he now only see’s everything in shadow milk’s lies :((

(Devsis when i catch you.)

Just. Why. why are you so easily manipulated PV. FIGHT BACK PLEASE. I NEED A GROWLING HATRED SCREAM FROM YOU AGAINST SMILK. LET IT OUT 🙏🙏

you CAN CANONICALLY DO THIS WITHOUT THE POSESSION OF YOUR SOULJAM. LITERALLY JUST DARK MOON MAGIC (i think) TO DO THIS

Beat HIS ASS IN EP 8.

anyways SPeAKiNG OF FORTUNE TELLER COOKIE

ho- HOW ARE THEY THE SAME?!

THEY WERE IN THE- THE SAME ROOM LIKE HOW HUH?

My only guess is that, Fortune teller IS really a seperate cookie. But after Truthless Recluse found out he was helping the trio. He probably decided to posess him. Most likely with dark moon magic. We know he IS was stronger now by what the trio said at the end.

talkin abt truthless, i dont think WL is gonna be the one saving him. I believe all respective beasts stories start at the same time, Except white lilies which is just a little late since she decided to go with pv but later left.

I believe the riddle at that spire was purposely added to make white lily leave. Its too much trouble for shadow milk. so he tricked her into going to silent salt.

(i want to believe raisin will be there for him but. really doubtful abt that 😔)

Alright now Lets move onto shadow milk:

lets start off with how i think he’ll be defeated:

if i had to predict.. He’d be defeated by straight off anger from pv. But what if he got beaten up while pv was still Truthless Recluse? Like, Pv straight up snaps and not only almost crumbles smilk. But the entire spire and his friends with it

I believe in his corrupted form, he’d be more powerful than ever considering the ending of ep 7. Probably because hes now using dark moon magic.

like IMAGINE. HE WAS SO TORTURED AND MENTALLY UNSTABLE SO HE SNAPS AND PROCEEDS TO BEAT THE 💩 OUT OF SMILK. EVEN IF HE DOSENT WIN THE FIGHT IT WILL STILL BE VERY VERY SATISFYING

EVEN WITHOUT HIS SOULJAM. WE KNOW HES SO POWERFUL BUT YET HES A HEALER. JUST GOES TO SHOW HE CAN OBLITERATE EARTHBREAD ANY TIME. BUT CHOOSES PEACE

“Wait but what about the beast sealing ritual thingy?”

i dont think its exists. Because if it never did or got destroyed. That would be such a plot twist. But that defeats the whole purpose on why they went there and pv would go through all of that for nothing. So id like to imagine it would get destroyed last second

wait that gives me another idea:

What if the trio tries to get pv back to his sense while pv is trying to protect the beast sealing ritual. But right when pv is abt to snap back to his senses. He COMPLETELY DESTROYS the ritual on accident or mind control. Only a small hint left. And they are forced to confront shadow milk for the truth.

Okay thats it for now. My silly brainrotted brain has nothing else to say.

if i have more theories i will add the link of it down here ⬇️

[dangermousie]

The Glory (2025) - final verdict

For those who don't want to read the whole thing, short version: has its issues but overall would recommend.

Now, you may go "but Mousie, you ranted so much recently, really? What changed?" Two things - (1) I adjusted genre expectations and (2) after the nadir of eps 20-25, I found 26-end quite solid and much more to my liking (they moved on from random side characters and back to core relationships; it also helped enormously that FL again started caring for someone(s) who are alive - concubine, stepkid, husband etc.) The drama never returned to true obsession levels of first half for me but it finished well.

Anyway, moving on...

Visually, this drama remained GORGEOUS throughout. I can forgive a lot to a drama this beautifully shot; the look is even more impressive when you know it didn't have a large budget.

The acting was also solid - Chen Duling slowly but steadily went from "oh her ugh" to "oh her yay" for me with every drama and this is no exception. I don't think I'd want to be friends with Hanyan and I don't necessarily like her as a person, but she was wonderfully acted (in addition to being solidly written about which more below.) It was very much her show and the rest, ML included, were basically supporting characters and she carried it off.

The plot was...not great. This writer wanted to get from point A to point B without caring much about the route (Royal Consort's basically offscreen-plotted downfall that took five minutes total is a particular lowlight but the dad's apparently incredible powers - how is he not the prime minister with those skills - were also not great.) But not every drama can be Joy of Life or The Advisors Alliance and compared to something like e.g., Si Jin or Brocade other recent grrlpower dramas, the plot of this one was quite good.

The villain was a weakness because it's boring to have a true sociopath with no complexity or weakness or anything. I suspect the writer just saw him as a stand-in for the patriarchy all these women needed to defeat (the heavy-handed message of this drama was very) but still - a little complexity would help. I do think the men overall were an afterthought in this - the women were all well thought through and whether you liked them or not, logical results of their relationships and circumstances, the men (even the ML) not so much. They were all the equivalent of busty girls in a shounen anime. I do think this is a failure of writing - you can have one-gender focused stories that still make the other appear real people (Joy of Life female characters and Legend of Zhen Huan male characters all feel like real people) but it's honestly not a cardinal sin here since the focus WERE the women and they were written well so I didn't feel the lack most of the time (if only supportings are written meh, it's forgivable.) But the female characters were all intriguing and the story took many of them places I did not expect (the concubine and her daughter? OMG about both of them.)

I ended up buying the ship because they do fit together (and would one really inflict either of these violent schemers on a "normal" person?) but if you want a romance-centric drama, this is obviously not for you. Interestingly, while I ended up liking them and shipping them, I was not rabid the way I thought I'd be and the lack of focus is not really the reason - I was RABID about Kill My Sins protags as a couple and they never even said I Love You let alone kiss or anything. But that's probably because in addition to just preferring LSS x Shawn as actors (they are both huge faves of mine), that drama was a true dual protagonist story - they both were mains in their own lives and narratives which occasionally intersected and were allowed great and equal complexity and life outside the narrative which made me more invested. FYX was hot and psycho and angsty which I love in a fictional man, but he never felt truly fleshed out outside the narrative and interactions/meaning to Hanyan.

I loved loved loved how uncompromisingly bleak this world was and how the characters all stepped in the muck and stayed there (for once, people with trauma did not miraculously come across as saintly and chirpy) and how there were second chances for characters who'd normally not get them (the concubine and her daughter) and how both FL and ML (and concubine etc) did things that I morally disapproved of or that (more shockingly) censors should disapprove of yet it made sense in character and, totally unexpectedly, they were not punished with death by the narrative because people are complex and outcomes are complex and and and.

I also loved that Fu Yunxi was married before and banged his first wife and seems to have liked her. Thank you!!!! (Seeing some peeps on mdl/twitter trying to bend themselves into pretzels to preserve a period adult man's virginity for FL was...well.) I loved that he was a random war orphan, no secret noble identity. I loved that lesbian pirate got to live and hopefully will come back to FL someday. I loved that the happiness at the end was "for now" but sufficient.

Anyway, this is going on and on and on so I am gonna stop on saying I adored that this was a dark story that has been so sadly absent from recent sunshine cdramas and that it had real danger and stakes. It became a surprise hit and I really do think it shows there is hunger for these types of stories; hopefully producers will take note. And I love that the protags were allowed to do all that and yet get a happy ending. That is so so so rare and so so so appreciated.

[gublernatural]

okay i know i literally posted the first blurb of popstar!reader x spencer but i can’t stop thinking about them so this is how i picture them meeting

popstar!reader x spencer reid au

spencer checked his watch with a sigh, doing his best to increase the pace of his steps, hoping to make it to his guest lecture on time. the head of the anthropology department had set this up months ago, spencer couldn’t ruin it now.

despite it not being one of spencer’s many masteries, he was here to educate the department’s students on forensic anthropology; the study of human skeletal remains. it was a skill he used a lot in the field, and was more than excited to be able to talk to all of the students who signed up to visit the lecture. he wasn’t sure how many it was, but he looking forward to it nonetheless.

all had been going perfectly, until his train had been delayed due to the track being icy. he understood the dangers, but was really tee-ed off at the situation.

so, here he was, trying not to embarrass himself on campus. it felt like his college experience all over again, except he was just over college age, rather than multiple years below. the ground was slippery, so he looked like a white mom with the way he was speed-walking.

“excuse me,” a chipper voice called out. there was no one around, meaning she was definitely talking to him. spencer debated ignoring her, but didn’t want to be rude, especially if she was one of the students. “hello,” he answered, trying his best to hide his annoyance. covering up his emotions was never one of spencer’s strong suits.

“do you know where the stadium is? i’ve been looking around forever, but i can’t seem to find it. the map has faded out, it definitely needs to be repainted.” she asked. “follow that path,” spencer gestured to one that split between two buildings, “to the right and it’ll be straight down.” he’d barely finished his sentence before he was trekking along, desperately trying to make it on time. “thank you, professor!” she proclaimed.

professor?

that crisis was one spencer would have to deal with later. he knew his ties and dressed pants made him blend in with an older crowd, be he’d at least thought he’d be labeled as a master’s student at most.

oh well, he has somewhere to be.

“i’m so sorry for the delay,” spencer said as he arrived to the large lecture hall. he sat his bag down, before going to shake the professor’s hand. “it’s no issue, dr. reid. it’s not like we had much of a turn out, anyways.” for the first time, spencer directs himself to the seats. six of them are full.

“i’m sorry if this is a disappointment,” the professor said as spencer dismissed it with a head shake, “we had a lot more sign up, but once they announced who was playing at the festival, a lot of plans changed.”

“festival?” spencer’s face twisted up, not understanding what the professor was talking about. a student interjected, a blonde boy with glasses, “yeah it kicks off the start of holiday festivities. it’s usually really lame, but y/n is playing it this year and her ep was a banger.”

spencer nodded, pretending he knew what the word banger meant. “i’ll try to be quick so you guys can make it to see, too.” spencer smiled at the students who did show. he appreciated their dedication, especially since there was somewhere else they could be having a lot more fun. the students smiled back at him.

talking fast is a skill spencer had mastered, so he ended up using 50 of the 90 minutes he was allotted, and sent the students off to the festival, telling them to have fun and be safe.

“they really appreciated you letting them go. i heard danny and rebecca talking about how much they wanted to be there, but they needed the extra credit for one of their courses.” the professor smiled at spencer. he remembered having professors like him, and hoped one day he could be similar.

“you should go check it out too, i heard y/n’s really good live.” the professor said as he stepped out into the hallway. spencer nodded, and finished packing up his things.

after some internal debate, spencer decided he would. he was using his first PTO day all year, so he minus well spend it doing something that could have some semblance of fun. he followed the same path he’d directed someone down earlier, and used his guest pass to come in through the side. he was standing side-stage, watching y/n perform her last song. while pop wasn’t usually the genre he chose, he could admire how strong she was vocally, especially considering the way she danced across the stage.

he smiles as he realizes that y/n is the same girl he’d given directions too. it was nice to know someone else was running late to something important today.

“thank you!” she says, waving goodbye to the crowd of students. she’s moving closer to spencer before he can even realize it. he didn’t know that he would be standing where she exited, but he wasn’t upset about it all.

“professor!” she cheers when she sees him, wiping down some sweat that had accumulated at the top of her head. “how’d you get back here?”

spencer’s cheek went red almost immediately, feeling like he’d been caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to. “i-i just followed the path i sent you down,” he stuttered. she giggled at him, “well, i hope you liked the show.”

“i did!” spencer squeaked, with a small voice crack, before relaxing himself a bit and adding, “i just made it in time for the last song, but it was really good.” all of the knowledge he possessed about music and music theory was wiped away when she got close enough to him that he could see the individual specs of glitter on her eyelids. he wished he could compliment something technical about her performance, but his mind was blank.

“guess i’ll just have to get your number so you can come to a full show,” you smiled at him. if spencer’s head was empty before, it was full now, with nothing but thoughts of you. “y-yeah, that’d be cool.” you giggled again, reaching for his hand. “my phone’s somewhere backstage, but here,” you held his arm steady, using the sharpie you’d been given to sign autograph with to scribble your personal number across his arm.

“use it, sometime.” you declared, skipping off when you were done. spencer nodded at no one, trying to forget about the amount of chemicals seeping into his skin from the permanent marker.

shit, he thought, i’m gonna have to get a phone i can text on.

[dramadramallama]

not really analyzing much, just making a few notes of the things that stood out to me in the first 4 eps of light shop. i haven't read the webtoon so it's more like i'm blindly pointing at things like a child hahaha

NAMES

All (?) the names called out when the teacher does attendance in the first episode have a (direct) translation (to something positive.) I noticed because 1. some of them are really unusual, and 2. they ALL are words, like no one's just named Ji-soo or something in this class lol:

Ip-sae (입새) - entrance/beginning

Nu-ri (누리) - (old fashioned) world/universe

Ha-neul (하늘) - sky/heaven

Gi-ppeum (기쁨) - joy

Eu-tteum (으뜸) - fundamental/basic (possibly: "the first")

Ga-eul (가을) - fall/autumn

Chuk-bok (축복) - wishing happiness/blessed

Bo-bae (보배) - treasure/priceless

Mi-rae (미래) - future

Do-dam (도담) - (possibly from 도담하다) be bold/stand out/accomplished (?)

Haet-sal (햇살) - sunlight

Now you're gonna say, well Hyun-ju (who keeps going to the light shop as an errand for her mom) is also in that class! She's seemingly the only one with a "normal" sounding name. Out of curiosity I did search hers, and interestingly, I found a few meanings too: 1. address of residence, 2. water used in ancestral rites (!) 3. stay in the present, live life (!!)

Side note: Haet-sal is also the name of the Detective's (unborn?) child. He chooses the name himself out of the ones his wife wrote down. It could be a coincidence, except most of the first names she pre-selected are the exact names of the students in that class.

I can't read all of them, but there are a few I recognize: Gi-ppeum, Ha-neul, Chuk-bok, Eu-tteum, Bo-bae... (there's also Sa-rang "love", or Haeng-bok "happiness" in the list)

HYUN-JU AND HER MOM

We're not shown Hyun-ju unconscious in the hospital, like all the other main players who are trying/failing to find a way out (the will to live/the will to move on)... But she clearly also is at the threshold between life and death. Maybe she is living, but able to unknowingly go between worlds?

The light shop seems to be the doorway to "home" or maybe "heaven" (as evidenced by Mr Twisty Legs, who keeps trying to "reach" the shop, and when he does get there, he doesn't cross the threshold and loops back to his solitary karaoke session in the dark rainy alleyway.

Dead or alive, Hyun-ju is basically invisible. She hangs out with her friends but she is not interacted with. It's really fun, if you go back and watch the scenes, no one directly talks to her, looks at her, or touches her. When she speaks, she's not acknowledged by the three friends. It's really clever: something's off, but it can be attributed to the girls being chaotic, not purposefully ignoring her. Eu-tteum is the only one who, barely awake, at the frontier between dream and reality, finally "sees" her. It's directly after that event that she sees the other ghost/spirit, whose body is missing (and whom the Detective is still looking for)

Hyun-ju's mom is revealed to be the body being embalmed. Her spirit (soul?) has a conversation with the Funeral Director and when she asks, "am I alone?" she surprisingly sounds relieved when he replies that she is. Is she relieved her daughter is not with her (meaning not dead yet?) She also cries and is worried about being left in the dark, which parallels painfully with the fact that she keeps seeking light, apparently asking her daughter to get her light bulbs over and over. The Funeral Director reassures her that she'll go to a place where it's very bright (=the Light Shop being very allegorical here)

Hyun-ju and her mom also live on the 8th floor of that apartment building, while the Intensive Care Unit is also on the 8th floor at the hospital. Bus Stop Guy also lives on the 8th floor of Hyun-ju's apartment building.

BUT... maybe Hyun-ju is the one keeping her mom from passing on, stubbornly buying her light bulbs that bring no light, and inevitably end up in the trash. Or is she helping...? Has she been dead ever since she was little (she still has that necklace she had as a kid, with her info on it in case she gets lost) and has been waiting for her mom all this time? The Shop Keeper even emphasizes that he sees her as a small child, unwrapping the candy for her.

When offered, Hyun-ju always picks the yellow (=light/sun) candies. The whole show feels like a giant allegory about Light and Dark, Life and Death.

SYMBOLISM/FOLKLORE

I don't know much, but I do remember that a common horror trope in Asian legends/stories is that ghosts can be recognized because they "clap with the back of their hands". I immediately thought of that when they show the Lady in White's weird hands (the inside of her hands is actually the back of it. The nails are all wrong, I FLINCHED) She's strangely interested in whether people are "alone" or "together", and who "knows" each other. She also needs to be invited inside explicitly to step into Bus Stop Guy's house, like creatures in a lot of folk tales.

The Shop Keeper never welcomes his customers inside... but greets them by asking a question: "how did you get there/what brings you here/how can I help?" The lights in his shop are not to be touched.

The Detective has a defective lamp on his desk, and cannot seem to light up his lighter anymore. He also sees people/things he shouldn't. The Nurse says "if you see people who are on the border of life and death, doesn't that mean you are too?" which obviously, he is now, since we see him in a hospital bed in the ICU. Maybe his wife and child are waiting for him to wake up...?

Lots of imagery with mirrors, which are common symbols for doorways, a limit between two worlds.

I know it's not, but New Tenant's outfit is also very reminiscent of a hospital gown (first image). When she settles in the new house, she puts away her shoes and does not seem to notice the bright red heels (the same ones the Very Tall Extremely Scary Woman wears, indicating she is inside the house with her).

The song my guy Mr Twisted Legs sings (badly) to give himself courage is the same one the Nurse makes her patients listen to (and the same one she was listening to when she was in a coma herself, "wandering aimlessly," "almost giving up" before she found her way back to the living). The characters on life support can all interact with each other in the alleyway, but are also completely isolated from each other: New Tenant does not hear Twisted Legs' cries over her own, and vice versa, even when they cry out for the same thing, "to get out of there."

They all share the same space in the ICU, but are locked in their own world. Do their collective consciousness populate that "other" world, mixing up elements of their life and memories?

Clearly, the theme of the deceased, unable pass on peacefully, who remain behind (due to something unresolved?) is prevalent. Does it create--not ghosts exactly--but an energy, an entity embodying the "regret," the "mourning [of] something they lost"?

Now, what I find interesting is: what does "I want to leave, I want to go home" mean for each of them? To peacefully pass on, accept death, move on, and forget? Or does it mean to fight, to find the will to live, thanks to those who wish us well? Is the Light (shop) the way back to life, or the way to the after-life? Or both?

[slavghoul]

Interview from Sweden Rock Magazine 10/2023

Hi, hi. There is an interview with Tobias in SRM’s newest issue, but it’s in the subscribers only section, so I thought I’d translate/share since I guess not many people will be able to get their hands on it. It is about Prequelle and it’s part of SRM’s „200 best Swedish hard rock albums of all time” series. Prequelle placed #68. The other albums may have scored higher, but for now we don’t know the whole list. Either way, enjoy. Very insightful. 

„Do you think that "Prequelle" is Ghost's worst album?” Now that’s an unusual opening question. Especially when the interview is about an album that Sweden Rock Magazine's writers and qualified Swedish hard rock musicians (including Tobias Forge) have voted as one of the 200 best Swedish hard rock albums of all time. The question wasn’t planned, but comes spontaneously, as a reaction to the first thing Tobias Forge says when we sit down on opposite sofas in the record company office. I'm here for a two-part interview, partly about the EP "Phantomime" (published in #6 2023), partly about "Prequelle". Neither record companies, artists, voters, nor even our writers who conduct interviews for this series of articles have any idea what placement an album has received. Interviews are often done well in advance and we simply don't want placements to leak and become public long before publication.

No Ghost album has ever been on the list before. The idea is actually to end the day with the "Prequelle" talk, but when Tobias Forge suddenly starts with a funny little comment that this album is probably the one that those who have voted think is Ghost's worst or least popular album, I just have to take the opportunity to ask the question: Do you think that "Prequelle" is Ghost's worst album?

No, absolutely not, he says and laughs. If I'm going to be completely pragmatic, I'd say: "How many songs do we actually play from that record?" There are songs that work damn well live and sit where they should. So it's a pretty strong album.

But is this what you are basing it on? "Prequelle" was released after Ghost had become really big so it can't be compared to "Opus Eponymous" and "Infestissumam" which you don't play many songs from. I mean, no matter what kind of record you had released when "Prequelle" came out, you would still have played many songs from it and they would have worked precisely because Ghost's songs nowadays are moulded more to the arena format.

I don't know how to answer that, it's difficult. If the album had been different, it would have been. If I'm going to talk somehow both artistically and practically, I know that for every record we have become exponentially bigger. "Prequelle" was definitely no exception, but it also took us a big step forward and upwards and we became bigger and broader. To the extent that when we introduce old songs in the live set, you notice that there are elements on albums one and two that make some songs more difficult to play. Not technically, we can play the songs, but they don't work in quite the same way as the later songs, which means that there is a slight favouritism.

I asked the original question about whether you think it's Ghost's worst album only because you directly said that this means it's the least popular one.

I'm just so full of myself I assumed all the other albums are also in the top 200, which may actually be incorrect. This might be the best album and the others aren't even there, haha.

It wasn't long after "Prequelle" was released that you were self-critical of the album in interviews, saying that it was too ballad-heavy and a bit too soft. I haven't noticed that before, you being so self-critical shortly after the release.

Yes, but I still feel that way. If, as an artist, I am only going to look at the work with the criticism that one can feel towards one's own work, I think that if things had been different or if I had more time, I might have wished that I had managed to get maybe two more hard songs. Maybe one more hard song would have fit on the album and another harder song might have phased out one of the ballads. Now five years after the album came out, I know that the two ballads ("Pro Memoria" and "Life Eternal"), which I may not think are bad, are one too many. But I know that many of the people who like the band like both of them, so it's kind of a useless argument.

Who sets the length of an album? Have you set a limit, that it can't be longer than this and have no more songs than that?

No, but it must fit on an LP disc and there is a physical limit. I think the absolute pain threshold is 46 minutes and that's 23 minutes on each side. Now maybe Mikkey Dee (co-owner of Spinroad Vinyl Factory) will raise his hand here: "But I can make it longer!" And it's maybe 48 minutes, I don't know, but I do know that when a disc starts getting so full that you start getting close to the sticker, it starts to sound bad. Especially nowadays, because recordings today are so very maximalist in scope. It's one thing if you record 60s music with drums, a guitar and bass where the sound is cleaner and finer or if you play acoustic stuff with just vocals. Bob Dylan records could have eight songs on each side and it worked all the way through. But this kind of fairly compact music doesn't work well. Not only am I a militant vinyl advocate, I think we should respect the fact that most artists don't manage to create more than 45 minutes of good music on a regular basis. A lot of famous double records are not that good. I don't think the Rolling Stones "Exile On Main St" is very good. It might as well have been on one disc. And if I'm actually going to turn it into something completely mundane, I'd say that I think it's irresponsible to sit and make records with twelve songs if it results in the record being 63 minutes long and you automatically have to make a double record. It's pretty wasteful.

When you said that it's irresponsible, I thought you were going to say that it's irresponsible to print a double vinyl because of the environmental destruction that it entails.

Of course, if we're going to be completely straightforward and not do anything that harms nature, we shouldn't even release any records, so I say this with reservation. But with that in mind and for the sake of art, I think more people should embrace the actual given format that has been the most prevalent in rock history. There is a reason why a film is usually one hour and 30 minutes. You can’t take any more. There's a certain dramaturgical structure and there’s a certain comfort in it. Then the CDs came along they screwed that up, and suddenly there weren't two sides anymore but it started one way and ended another. Now that the CD is no longer important and we've gone back to vinyl, creators should follow suit and start embracing the physical rules.

Are there songs that have been rounded off just because you thought „I have to round off here, because if I continue, it won't fit on the vinyl disc"?

We actually had that problem on the last album. „Watcher In The Sky” ended the A-side and the outro is much longer on the CD and digitally. Two minutes longer I think. Much, much, much longer. It's long, noisy and has all these dives. It's a very chaotic soundscape. You get the feeling that it goes on and on, and on the vinyl it's just the beginning of an outro and then it drops almost immediately. I think that was a huge mistake.

So the overall sound quality was more important than vinyl buyers getting everything? Because you could have pressed the vinyl and it would have fit, but you would have had to compromise the sound quality.

Yes, exactly. You can get the song to just keep going until the vinyl simply runs out. Then it just starts spinning in the middle, depending on what kind of record player you have. But the problem then, if you want to anticipate events at a creative stage, is that people today buy and listen to vinyl records and are sensitive. It's quite common for people to complain that the record is broken. I don't just mean our records, but people complain a lot about the presses. If you make ten songs, it's therefore stupid to have a too thick soundscape towards the end of song number five and song number ten. If you want to be really good and old school, that's where you put a piano ballad because it's an easier sound to handle so far into the record. This is what I think about when I make records. But clearly sometimes I miscalculate.

This must cut right through the record collector Tobias Forge's whole body and soul, that "Watcher In The Sky” is shortened by two minutes on the vinyl of all versions.

Well... I don't toss and turn and wake up in the middle of the night thinking about it anymore. But when it happened, I was livid. Luckily it was just an outro. It would have been worse if it had continued with some kind of narrative into the next song. Now I can't remember in my head how long "Prequelle" is, but if I'd had to go back in time and just re-construct it, the re-construction wouldn't have had much to do with the existing material, I would have just wanted to add a scene. And it's not a scene that's missing, it's just for the sake of balance. It became asymmetrical in a way that bothers me a bit.

You've talked about this before, but it was before "Prequelle" that you really started to talk a lot about how you were thinking about what kind of new songs might suit the live show. Can you get stuck in that mindset, thinking more about what songs are needed live right now rather than creating an album that will last 30 years?

Hmm... (long pause)... The reason I'm sitting here thinking is because I'm trying to come up with examples of other bands that I think might have gone through something similar. I’m looking for examples to the answer I'm about to formulate and that is that: yes, I think there comes a point in the career when most bands make a record because they simply feel they need to… Because what we're talking about is that when you go from playing in small smoky clubs in front of an already inveterate audience that already understands the perhaps a little more chewy expression, that experience can change if you start playing in front of a larger and especially a different type of audience. When a different type of audience comes and you play in a different format, you discover that this song doesn't work very well, it doesn't sound very good and it's difficult to get the sound right. Then there's usually a record or two or three during your career when this transition happens where you start filling in with songs that work better live. Look at Piece of mind", "Powerslave" and "Somewhere in time". There's a reason why Iron Maiden didn't play a lot of the first two albums there and then, because it was easier to play the new songs. You get to that point somewhere in your career and it's very difficult to say when it is - there's no given rule and there are artists who continue to release relevant records and have an amazing ability to release new records and just play the whole new record. Well, now Iron Maiden does that and tests their audience a little bit in that way, but then they will always compensate by doing like a "best of" set the following year so everything is forgiven. Now we're in the middle of the "Impera" period here and have a very strong set, but I'm starting to feel that now that I'm about to start writing a new album, it feels like it's not really on my agenda to write three more albums that will change the live setlist ten years ahead. I think we already have the blueprint for what is Ghost's setlist, especially if you include the entire catalogue. After a while, each new record you make becomes a little less important. It's really hard to know when that point comes, but the truth is that new records don't matter in the same way. Slayer didn't have to release "Divine Intervention”. They definitely didn't have to release "Diabolus In Musica". I didn't care about it and I just wanted to hear the old stuff. If they had just come up and played "Reign In Blood" I would have been soooo happy. And that's the way it is with most bands. Nobody would be sad if the Rolling Stones came up and didn't play anything from "Emotional Rescue". And that's just the way it is. In the future, I can see a scenario where there is probably a basis to possibly build up an alternative setlist. There are so many songs that we do not play and that I have nothing against - I love them too! But it would almost be easier to build up a completely alternative setlist and run a show with only the odd songs. There are so many songs now. There's no reason not to build on that. But when I want to make a new record, it's irresponsible for me not to consider that there might have to be some songs that are a bit more direct. But it doesn't hurt me if we have more songs that we don't play live. I don't know if this answers your question...

I would actually like to ask exactly the same question again, because I wonder if you yourself feel that you get stuck during the making of the record. You said that you would have liked to include another hard song because "Prequelle" doesn't have the balance that you would have liked to have in retrospect.

Exactly, but the explanation for that has more to do with my mental capacity there and then. I simply couldn't cope. I felt that I had probably maxed out… It was probably about as much as I could do that year. That's the simple explanation. To get another song that would have fit and that would have fulfilled this requirement that I now in retrospect would have wished I had, it would have required something that I did not have there and then. The only thing that could have made it easier is if I had more time. It is difficult to reason about it, you see.

I was in the studio for a few days during the recording and it's one of the few times in all these years that I've done interviews where someone has started crying during an interview. It was quite obvious that everything that had happened with the split of the band affected you.

Yes. Of course. It did.

Is "Prequelle" a difficult album to listen to for you? Can you sit and listen to it all the way through? 

Well, at the moment I have to do that from time to time, and listen to all the records, because we're just about to start rehearsing again and then I sometimes have to go back and just listen to the record to go: "Fuck, is that really how I sing?" Especially when we start rehearsing, I can be a bit like: "Damn, who changed this bit?” Then I usually sit down and it hits me: "Oh, it's me who has changed my song!" You simply do that over the years, you start singing it in a slightly different way. So sometimes I have to go back and listen, but it’s more practical. I don't think it's fun to listen them. I do it until they are finished. I listen over and over and over again and really try to listen with all the imaginary ears and all the imaginary perspectives you can have. "How would I have listened to this if I had heard it from this perspective?" Just to get as "objective" a perspective as I can until I'm satisfied, but then it's like „No, I don't want to hear this anymore". But I have to say that I think "Prequelle" is a very tolerable disc despite everything that interfered with the process. Therapeutically, it works quite well considering that we are still playing at least half of the album. For every artist there are songs that you want to play, and there are songs that you don’t want to play because they feel too personal. I don't feel that way about this one, it's more like: "Ah hell, they're part of the setlist and people like it and it sounds good. So that's what we're doing."

On a personal level, was Tom Dalgety the perfect producer for you, the way you were feeling at the time? Tom feels like the kindest, sweetest producer you can meet. He wasn't the kind of producer who pushed you very much, it was more of a nice atmosphere between you.

Yes, really, and it would have been different if Klas Åhlund, who is more confrontational, had been in the room. Now Klas and I are great mates, so it would certainly have been very therapeutic also, but it would have been a different process. If an artist comes in who is in such bad shape that they can't make a record, or a band where the main songwriter has just left them, then a Bob Ezrin goes in and says: "If you don't make the record, I'll make the record myself.” And he goes and makes Kiss "Destroyer" or Alice Cooper records. I'm not saying they didn't make them, just that you hear that Bob Ezrin made "Beth". It's a type of producer that's very different from a lot of other producers who maybe act a little bit more like buddies and cheerleaders and make the atmosphere good. Bob Ezrin doesn't care so much about the atmosphere in the room. Klas is somewhere in between, I would say. Given the condition I was in during "Prequelle", the result could probably have been different if Klas had come in. Ironically, there was actually talk of him doing it, but he didn't have the time and we'll never know how it would have turned out. I only know that it would have been different, but right there and then Tom was fantastic. I know that a lot of bands like to work with him because he is technically brilliant. He's really good at those typical sounds that people like: cool drums, guitar, bass, tone and clarity. He is also very "happy go lucky", a nice guy who sits and jokes all the time. Even if he has a bad day, it doesn't affect anyone else, which is convenient.

Let me compare it to when a writer contacts me after an interview and says "that was such a nice interview". For me, "nice" is not something positive in such a work situation and the result is often better when there is a little friction.

Mmm, and that is more Klas. There is more friction and more confrontation. And I was much better equipped for that at "Meliora" and later at "Impera". I felt better and was simply stronger. There wasn't the same survival instinct as on "Prequelle". If I think back, not about how the album turned out and how I have to live with it, but if I think back to the situation I was in, I was very anxious all the time. Even though I'm happy with the result, I wouldn't want to go through the recording again, even though Tom was great. Because it's hard to work when you're under attack. I realised that now when I made "Impera", when it was no longer like that. You are much more comfortable, it doesn't feel the same, you are more mature, you make better decisions, you are more controlled or dare to be uncontrolled. When things are this serious, you can end up in a freeze mode. Maybe that's also why there wasn't another song. The song that I miss doesn't exist because I simply squeezed out everything I had. If I had been in a different emotional state, I might have been more comfortable working out something at the last second from bits and pieces. But I felt that I really just wanted to get it done, deliver it, get back out on tour and start over again.

When you described being more mature during "Impera" you sounded like a 70-year-old, kind of like all the Aerosmith-like bands that have been fighting all their lives and now that they're in their 70s they say "we're soooo mature,” haha.

I think with all artists, especially when they're required to work in a group, there are many recordings that have been a collision with a wall because you're expected to function in a context all the time, whatever and whenever. But you do change and from one year to a few years down the line there can be a huge difference in a person's drive, hunger and priorities in life. Whether you have the same band structure as I do or whether you play in Metallica, people come in one state and they may end up in another, because you have different priorities at different times. It's unfortunately against the whole rock myth. I think that's the biggest problem for bands and businesses, that you always have this idea that if you just get to a certain stage - not just monetarily or career-wise, but you get to a certain stage of fun - then we've reached the status quo. But that is never the case! Never! There’s always something. Even in the best moments when everything is working, the band is awesome, everyone is working well, the crew is awesome, everyone is laughing, it's just a party all the time mentally, you have the world's best tour manager, everything is flowing and the tickets are selling, there will always be someone who doesn't like it and then has to break away and want to do their thing because it's no longer fun. It's usually somewhere in the lead-up to a stage where it's interesting and then once you've achieved it, it all becomes a bit boring. Just like in a relationship some people may eventually think, "well, that's a bit boring, I have to go out and do something else".

Since I was in the studio when you were laying down guitars on "Witch Image", my heart beats a little extra for that song and I thought it would be a great live song, but you've barely played it (at the time of writing it's Ghost's forty-fourth most played song live).

We did it during the "Prequelle" tour, or "A Pale Tour Named Death" as it was called. Then we did quite a few "an evening with" concerts, for better or worse. The advantage was that if you were a big fan of the band we actually played a lot of songs and actually a lot of the first albums, like "Idolatrine" - or "Witch Image". We did a set, a break and then a whole other set. That was a bit of a taste of what I was talking about earlier: doing a slightly larger set and then a slightly smaller one. You just shouldn't do it on the same night because it gets a bit stale. We played for two hours and 30 minutes or something and that wasn’t a good idea, haha. At least we did "Witch Image", but it has fallen behind a bit and it doesn't mean that we will never play it again, just that we don't do it right now. What I've been happy about is that there has been a feeling for the records that we've made recently, "Prequelle" and "Impera", that people still want to hear the new stuff. We haven't gotten to that stage that I talked about earlier when it doesn't matter anymore. Then it's very fun to try to find a new way to perform the songs, not technically, but suddenly a song like "Witch Image" might fulfill a very nice purpose between a completely new song and another song.

Let me speculate: in 30 years, I think "Rats" will be considered the great hard rock song, "Dance Macabre" the great hit and "Life Eternal" the great ballad. What do you think? Will this in the future be seen as the three big songs of the album?

Yes, that makes sense, I think. I understand that an instrumental song automatically ends up in the wake of a "best of" collection, in the sense that you do one in 30 years. I realise it's not a hit but the instrumental "Miasma" is a big part of our live show. It's strong and feels like such a keeper. Now we don't play "Life Eternal" very often actually, but it was very well received. For some reason people like to get married to it, I don’t know why, hehe. It's nice but it's also a bit like U2’s „I still haven't found what I'm looking for" and you don't use that one at a wedding. But people like it and I guess interpret it differently to me. It’s also a song that I don't think is fun to play live.

And why not?

Because I find it hard to play ballads. Physically, they don't feel the same as rock songs. I miss the "dunka dunka". Now everyone who plays music today knows what I mean - sorry, readers who don't play music - and it's that there's a small problem with having in-ear monitors. This means that you have to reach a certain frequency of beats in order to feel the music, unlike when you played at clubs with only a guitar amp behind you. You felt every single note you made and it just went through your body. Nowadays, I think it's sometimes hard when you play slow songs, because you have to trust that it sounds good, whereas when you play a rock song, you feel that it sounds good.

Does it also apply to "He Is” which is such a huge ballad, not least live?

Well, just the intro and then it gets going quite quickly and suddenly becomes a hard and rather fast-paced song. The classic ballad concept has always been that you play so-called edge beats to make it sound soft, while "He Is” is actually a rather hard-played song considering that it is a ballad. Once the drums come in – boom, boom – it's got AC/DC bite to it. It has a rock feel to it that "Life Eternal" doesn't really have. As I said, I don't think that "Life Eternal" is a lot of fun to perform, but that doesn't mean that it isn't quite good to listen to. It’s just that when I play "Dance Macabre" or "Mummy Dust" I feel that I can express myself physically more in line with what the text says and what it means.