#except i wasnt 12 but that doesnt matter

[imjustaf444keriguess]

maddie is such a basic white bitch name, but this blog was intended to be a throwaway with a basic icon so i guess it fits

"like the theological feature" i still read it as viled evil cunt, and you do try to act like an evil cunt (albeit a boring one) so like... i dont care about your personal connection to your username. also, apparently it was previously "evil tranny" so "evil cunt" lines up more

i'd rather ramble about 2016 youtubers because they made fun content. you on the other hand decide to post on tumblr random stuff that- again, no one will care about in a week

you dont deserve abuse, your father should rot in hell for hurting you, but that doesnt make you any less of an asshole and doesn't give an excuse to be abusive to other people and downplay other trauma (like emotional abuse, which you probably also have suffered through!)

also im not really trying to make you feel upset about being forgotten, more just stating a fact (because i have no emotional attachment to you besides "you really remind me of leafy trying to be cool and edgy and a lot of 2016 tumblr discourse"), and commenting on the fact that maybe you should change and be kinder because other people will also not care. because some stranger with no profile saying "u r not trans and do not have did" isn't gonna do shit. people arent asking literal 100% strangers opinions on whether they have a personal experience

maybe, idk, reblog some nature shit? tumblr's pretty famous for its gifsets and aesthetic posts, a lot of my actual main blogs are related to that stuff.

although, i think the best way to describe you (besides "someone who assumes they know better than everyone else even though they definitely do not have a medical degree in shit or fuck") is just... asshole. which is your own word for yourself.

i'm sure that would've been insulting if i knew who leafy was

[quodekash]

so i made a post the other day on all the questions win asks in the entire show cos he’s “the questions guy” 

(see here for that post) 

so then i made a table of how many times he asks questions in each part of each episode and now im gonna analyse it cos otherwise doing all of this would feel entirely pointless and like ive wasted 6-8 hours for nothing, SO 

asking a question generally indicates that you are confused/uncertain about something, or you’re inquiring in order to learn more

the most questions asked at any one point in the episode is always at the 3/4 part, which ive said before is always the ‘soundwin part’ of the episode. so win is more uncertain and confused in the parts that he’s around sound 

the main outlier of this is episode 9 4/4, but at that point its the flashback that wouldve been in episode 6 3/4 and the ‘main’ soundwin part of that episode (although episode 9 was like 50% focused on soundwin) so my point still stands

adding on to win asking more questions whenever sound is around, episodes 1-3 have barely anything. but as soon as we reach episode 4 - when sound enters the show - the numbers go up a lot

the only exceptions to this are episode 8, where the most was in 2/4, but only by one so im not counting it, and episode 1 1/4. but that’s the first episode of the show, the first part of the first episode, and naturally there’s gonna be a lot of questions cos the characters/audience dont know anything at this point and need answers as to what’s going on in the show (this is an actual thing in writing, it’s called the audience surrogate, where there’s a particular character/moment that exists in a piece of media almost solely to ask questions that the audience would be thinking. win isn’t necessarily an audience surrogate, but the beginning of something will almost always have a lot of questions), so that explains that

after sound enters the show, the only parts where win asks no questions at all are episode 4 3/4 (he literally doesnt even appear in that part so he cant rly ask questions if he’s not there), episode 9 1/4 (where the only speaking part he has is when he’s telling sound he saved him a seat. and there he’s technically asking sound a question (do you want to sit here?) but he doesnt explicitly word it as one and there’s no question mark in the subtitles, so i didn’t count it), and episode 10 1/4 (but i’ll explain that one at the end)

so win asks more questions - and is therefore more uncertain - in the moments sound is nearby, or in the moments he interacts more with sound.

and, as time goes on, win becomes more and more confused, he needs more answers to understand what the heck is going on inside him

but then there’s a really sudden drop in episode 12. since sound entered the show, win’s amount of questions were above 10 every single episode. and then suddenly, without warning, he goes right down to 7, the lowest that its been since before episode 4 (excluding episode 10, which, again, ill explain at the end of this post).

so he asks so many questions, he’s so uncertain, he’s so confused whenever he’s around sound. and then suddenly, in episode 12, it clicks. he understands his feelings. he loves sound, sound loves him, theyre a couple. he tells his friends, and it just makes so much sense. the literal last question he asks is in the entire show is ‘what should i write down?’ - the last bit of uncertainty he has is literally just ‘how do i say it’. and he figures it out and properly confesses, right there on sound’s back. and then they kiss. and then win truly knows, he truly understands. he doesnt need to ask questions anymore, because he doesnt need to know anymore. he’s got the boy, and that’s all that matters.

--the exception of all of this is episode 10, but that makes sense cos that episode was almost solely focused on gim and gun, there wasnt much screen time with win where he could ask questions. im sure that if he’d been on screen more, there would’ve been way more questions. (but honestly 5 questions is still impressive for the like. 5 minutes of lines he gets that episode)

[imraespace]

HIHIGIIGJijihihigiihihih dailt chekcin becofe i start my work

today was actually kinda okay ish i finally participated in my chem class and actually said something that wasnt as stupid than what i usuallt say AND THE TEACHER DIDNF SAY I WAS WRONG SO YAYAY

in my cooking class i was looking at… BOOKING FLIGHTS, HOTELS, RENTAL CARS AND RESERVATIONS FOR RESTAURANTS?? HELLO WHY IS THIS PROJECY REAL IM ABOJT TO WORK ON IT BUT I WANAN DELAY IT EVEN FURTHER CUZ IM A LITTLE UPSET RN

ididnt get jnto the graphic designer position and im like forcing myself to be upset over it or else im gonna be sad over it later and i feel like thats worse bc then at that point its gonna be irrelevant so BUT IM ALSO LIKE WHO?? CARES?????? ITS NOT THAT DEEP AND EVEN IF I DID GET IN ID BE PISSED OFF THAT IM MAKING A POSTER AND NOT STUDYING FOR A TEST OR SOEMTHING HELP and the club is actually irrelevant as hell so it doesnt even really matter

plus anyways theres another thing i signed up for so ill wait for that one instead mueheuheheh but i dont think im getting in that either but at least i applied idk …….

UMUMUM theres nothing else that happened today OH I FINISHED MY NAGI EDIT ITS BEEN FINISHED ACTUALLY HELP IDK WHEN TO POST IT EXCEPT ON SATURDAY WHEN IK IT PROBABLT WONT FLOP AS HARD 💔💔 BUTITS OKAY 😈😈 i need to think of another edit idea or finish that sae edit its been .. pending for like two months now i swear.

i have a test on friday and then another test next week tuesday for history I WANAN DROP OUT OF THE CLASS SO BAD WHY DID I CHOOSE TO TAKE HISTORY AND IM IN THE ADVANCED CLASSES TOO 💔 chem isnt that bad but im scared for the unit test but her tests dont seem as hard HELPME I FEEL LIKE IT SHOULD BE HARDER CUZ ITS CHEM BUT THEN AGAIN ITS ALSO LIKE IM HAPPY IT ISNT AS HARD ITS JUST I STILL DONT GET THESE TWO CONCEPTS AND I REALLT NEED TO LOCK IN FOR MY SUBJECTS

how do i even study for history cuz other than stuff like all i know is inflation, the fiat money system, and how my history teacher hates the united states and they can all suck his bald head bc they all suck and “EW AMERICANS!!!” apparently AND I SEE HIM FOR TWO PERIODS TOO HELP 💔 HE LEGIT ENCOURAGEd US TO DROP OUT OF HIGHSCHOOL AND IM LIKE HELLO ARENT U SUPPOSED TO MAKE US CONTINUE SCHOOL URE LITERALLT A TEACHER BUT OKAY.

im lowk tweaking because i reallt dont know how to study for history and my test on friday i feel so unprepared but to be fair I LEGIT HAVENT STARTED STUDYING YET AND I DONT PLAN TO UNTIL TOMORROW .. and i feel like i should start studying for my history test and im like erm maybe tmr ..! SO TECHNICALLY IF I STICK TO THE SCHEDULE I MADE FOR MYSELF IN MY HEAD WHCIH IS FINISH ALL MY ASSIGNMENTS TODAY (impossible) IT GIVES ME ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD TO STUDY FOR MY TWO TESTS WHICH LEAVES TIME FOR ME TO STUDY FOR MY CHEM TEST IN LIKE ESTIMATED 2-3 WEEKS BUT THEN I KNOW I CANR STICK TO SCHEDULE 💔 if i finish my cooking assignment today somehow then ill be able to do this and i sleep at like 11 pm today bc momi got mad i slept at 12 yesterday HELP. IMSORYR MOM I FELT GROSS I HAD TO SHOWER AT 11 OR ELSE I WOUDLNT BE ABLE TO FALL ASLEEP

i usuallt shower once i get home from school but yesterday my dinner meal thign project was due so i wa slike ok i have to prioritize this over my own stinky AND I DID FINISH IT MUEHAUYAIEGAPBX NOW I HAVE TO DO IT AGAIN BUT FINISH IT IN LIKE 4 HoursHELP HOW LONG SHOULD THIS EVEN TAKE HE SAID ITS REALLT SIMPLE AND COPY PASTE BUT IM ALSO REALLY SLOW WITH ASSIGNMENTS IN GENERAL .. ☹️i get distracted too easily HELP.

i dotn even have a lock in playlist like i do my liked songs on shuffle and skip wvery songim not innthe mood to listen to i actuallt need to invest in playlists or else i cant do this shuffle liked method anymore ……

illcome baxk if i finish my project early ….. ILL ACTUALLY LOCK IN TODAY TRUST BUT DAILT UQRSTION TIME

would you rather be a gojo plushie or a smiski figure im just starign at them and theyre like right next to each other HELP I HAVE TWO FIGURES FROM THE CHEER SERIES??? IDK EXACTLY BUT THEYRE CUTE I WAS GONNA COLLECT MORE BUT 15 DOLLARS PER SMISKI MYSTERY BOX IS KINDA A SCAM FOR ME 💔

- 🐙

HAII today was okayish for me as well my typing class was kinda fun the teacher wasn't scary today!

YIPPEE!! GOOD JOBB

HELP WHAT ALL OF THAT INN COOKING CLASS??

LMAO i hope you get upset or something.. that sounds mean HELOME IDK IF I SHOULD COMFORT OR NOT

LMAO making posters sounds fun tho.. yet I make legal documents in class🙄🙄

DANG GIRL DO YIU HAVE A LIST YOU CHECK OFF WHEN SIGNING TO CLUBS?

OMG NAGII I'm gonna work on my drafts maybe on friday.. and rin smau.. I got a random rin spark of inspiration when reading these romance mangas..

OH WAIT THAT REMINDED ME THAT I NEEDED TO GIVE YOU AN EDIT IDEA ILK THINK OF ONE

ew I hate history ALSO YOU CAN DROP OUT OF A CLASS? I mean i heard of it but idk.. I'm too caribbean for this HELP

when I used to do chem I was so confused but I somehow passed history on the other hand idk what i did or if I passed or not THATS HOW UNINTERESTED I WAS IN HISTORY BC THEY DONT TEACH US STUFF THAT APPARENTLY EVERYONE SUPPOSED TO KNOW IT WAS LIKE LOCAL STUFF AND IT WAS kinda boring.. SAME WITH WHEN I USED TO DO GEO THEY DIDNT TEACH US STUFF LIKE THE DIFFERENT CONTINENTS N STUFF MY FRIEND THOUGHT EGYPT WAS IN EUROPE I wasn't that bad like him.. BUT THATS MY POINT THEY DONT TEACH US IMPORTANT STUFF HERE so luckily I had business! well I chose business bc I wanna own my nursery or maybe a pre-school I like children and I have patience I think.. everyone thinks I'm crazy heh.. maybe I am..

HELPME THAT TEACHER REMINDS ME OF MY OLD DRAMA TEACHER he saw my gc messages once and HE TOOK OFF WITH MY PHONE

DANG SM MOTIVATION I wish I have that LMAO I asked my momma for help and she said when she used to go to school when she comes home she just go n play games ans she never studied she just had a good memory😂😂😐😒😒😒 I DONT I FORGOT WHAT I DID THIS MORNING I have no motivation hahaha..

YOUR MOM GETS MAD AT YOU? well mine does as well bc since I'm anemic I need 8 hours of rest bur (I don't go to sleep early) so I always get yelled at when I feel lightheaded BUT I TAKE NAPS IN THE AFTERNOON sometimes SO I HAVE A BURST OF ENERGY IN THE NIGHT plus I'm reading so

LMAO I GET DISTRACYED EASILY AS WELL that's why I'm up at 11pm and haven't started my notes bc imON MY PH9JE

ou playlisys are my favorite thing ti make! I have like 20 playlists public bc apparently I learnt my friends use them bc one asked me when I'm gonna update it and I'm like whag ans I have a bunch more in private

i woukd rather a smiski bc i searched it up and it looks cutiepie!

IDK WHAT'S A SMISKI OR WHAT SERIES IR HAVE

[devilofthecresentisle]

“★ FILL IN THE QUESTIONS AS IF YOU ARE BEING INTERVIEWED FOR AN ARTICLE AND YOU WERE YOUR MUSE.

TAGGED BY: stole it XD TAGGING: anyone who wants to do it

1. WHAT IS YOUR NAME?

“Martha Locke.”

2. WHAT IS YOUR REAL NAME?

“I already told ya my real name” Lies. But hey she wasnt revealing her family name to a stranger.

3. DO YOU KNOW WHY YOU’RE CALLED THAT?

“I havent got the slightest idea, never thought to ask.”

4. ARE YOU SINGLE OR TAKEN?

“Currently single.”

5. WHAT ARE YOUR POWERS AND ABILITIES?

“Im not defenseless~ Thats all you get to know”

6. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES?

“You should be able to tell considering you’re right in front of me, but green.”

7. HAVE YOU EVER DYED YOUR HAIR?

“Have you seen how much hair I have?” Gesturing to the large amount of curls she had. “I dont have time for that.”

8. DO YOU HAVE ANY FAMILY MEMBERS?

“None except my crew.” No way was she putting her family at even remote risk by admitting they were related.

9. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?

“Not at the moment, no. Being on the sea and all doesn’t give a lot of time for pets.”

10. TELL ME ABOUT SOMETHING YOU DON’T LIKE.

“That I dont like? Well Im not a big fan of most marines”

11. DO YOU HAVE ANY HOBBIES OR ACTIVITIES YOU DO IN YOUR SPARE TIME?

“I like reading.”

12. HAVE YOU EVER HURT ANYONE BEFORE?

“Just a part of life, havent we all?”

13. HAVE YOU EVER… KILLED ANYONE?

“You do what y’ have to, to protect yourself and the people you care about.”

14. WHAT KIND OF ANIMAL ARE YOU?

“A mammal, considering im a human being.”

15. NAME YOUR WORST HABITS.

“Probably not sleeping as much as I should--I get caught up in my work.”

16. DO YOU LOOK UP TO ANYONE?

“I mean...I think everyone does....I look up t’ my old captain mainly...and my old crewmates. They were all at least ten years older than me.”

17. GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?

“I would say none...pansexual if anything. Sex ‘er gender doesnt really matter t’ me when it comes t’ lovers.”

18. DO YOU GO TO SCHOOL?

“A bit...I left school when I became a pirate at fifteen.”

19. DO YOU EVER WANT TO MARRY AND HAVE KIDS SOMEDAY?

“Dunno...I dont think so. Pirates life for me all the way~”

20. DO YOU HAVE ANY FANS?

“If I did it would’a been years ago.”

21. WHAT ARE YOU MOST AFRAID OF?

“Like hell I would tell you that.”

22. WHAT DO YOU USUALLY WEAR?

“Just whatever is comfy and practical. It’s not uncommon anymore for me to be topless during the summer if I’m working out on deck.

23. DO YOU LOVE SOMEONE?

“My crew.”

24. WHAT CLASS ARE YOU?

“Im a pirate....that should tell you my class that jus’ fine on its own.”

25. HOW MANY FRIENDS DO YOU HAVE?

“A decent amount from over the years”

26. WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON PIE?

“Its alright I guess.”

27. FAVORITE DRINK?

"Hmmmm....peach wine.”

29. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE?

“Caplyso’s Revenge, my ship. I definitely have the most fun when im aboard my ship with my crew.

30. ARE YOU INTERESTED IN SOMEONE?

“Not really”

31. WHAT’S YOUR DICK SIZE?

“Kind of hard to measure dick size when I don’t have one.”

32. WOULD YOU RATHER SWIM IN THE LAKE OR THE OCEAN?

“I don’t really have a preference for that...all depends on where I am in the world.”

33. ANY FETISHES?

“Oh bless your heart. You couldnt handle getting into that with me.” 

34. TOP OR BOTTOM? DOMINANT OR SUBMISSIVE?

“Those arent /really/ comparable you know. Depends on whats happening and with who.” 

35. CAMPING, OR INDOORS?

“How do you go from askin’ questions about sex to camping? Whatever. Outdoors. It’s nice getting to look at the stars before falling asleep, and that’s how we do it most of the time, anyway.”

[blackvail22]

i know im only [my age], but im starting to accept that im never going to live a peaceful life, at least my version of it. im not going to live in a beautiful city where i can walk to a café and work from "home." im not going to have the picture-perfect friendships or relationships. im not going to have a degree in the subject of my dreams and be successful in that way. im not going to be able to live on my own. im accepting it already and embracing it to such an extent that it makes me feel dead inside. i feel like im never going to actually live, and ill be surviving all my life.

im always in a state of mental torture. even my boyfriend said this, im always negative about myself. he believes its something to do with my heart, but i think its my brain. i want to love myself, but my brain has trained me to hate myself. growing up, i didnt have many people that cared about me. i bring it up wayyy too much, but being bullied 12 years straight did something to me. there was never an escape either—my family are the biggest bullies of all.

i was taught by many people that i didnt matter. that i was fat, ugly, a cow, a bitch, a waste of space. as much medicine i take, it doesnt take away the fact that my mind hates itself.

i wish it wasnt that way. i hate the way i live.

i hate that its hard for me to clean after myself, especially in my bedroom and my computer desk. i hate that its hard for me to get out of bed each morning. i hate that its hard for me to ask people to hang out. i hate that i always question whether people hate me or not because ive had enough people in my life say they care and then leave. i wish it wasnt this way.

i know i can change. i can try and change these behaviors i dont like. i can make myself better, move forward towards the peaceful life i want... but i dont have the courage.

ive been in counseling for 10 years, depressed for even longer. my counselor tells me now that being in counseling at a younger age will work out for me in the long run. i mean, yeah, but sometimes i feel like im not going anywhere. . . im just running in circles. part of it is my fault... i dont listen to advice sometimes, and sometimes, i dont share important parts of my life, specifically how deep my depression can go. my counselor doesnt know about how i planned my death in 2020, and i saw her the month after the death date passed.

sometimes i feel like a spoiled kid. things arent bad, but theyre just enough to alter my perspective. things could be worse. i remember my counselor told me, "verbal and emotional abuse is the worst kind because theres never evidence of it happening, except inside of you." which.. sucks.

i wish things never turned out this way. i know saying this all the time doesnt change anything, and im just a baby whining at this point, but i really do. i wish i had a normal relationship with my father. i wish people didnt hate me in school. i wish i had a stable relationship with my mom. i wish i could still see my nephew, and i wish i had extended family. no one talks to me. my friends never reach out either, and i know its mostly my fault, but it gets so lonely.

i will never be the happy and beautiful person i always dreamt of being, and it stings.

[littlequackerman]

Terada X Rika is gross (cardcaptor sakura rant)

(Tw: gr00ming, paedophi11ia)

Why are people still trying to justify shipping Rika and Terada? He's legit a groomer.

In the manga, during the library scene, he hands Rika a ring and says they will get married when she's old enough. Old enough? Really? She's a third grader. Third grader. That is grooming.

People justify the ship by saying that the relationship wasnt sexual. That doesnt matter. A literal teacher was in a relationship with a child. He was proposing when she was in the third grade. This implies that they had been "dating" for a while before. Not only that, but she says that he "reminds her of her dad." Her dad was away in the navy (or just at sea idr). She had a void the size of her father missing and whoopdy-doo some damn grown adult starts courting her. Thats disgusting on his (teradas) part.

Worse "justification" is that she was "mature for her age". Do I even have to explain this one?

And whats more, Terada's not the show's only perv! Sakura's dad dated her mom when he was her high school teacher! He wasnt a kind, sweet father, he was a pedo. Imagine if Terada had gone after Sakura instead of Rika. He probably would have let it happen.

This series is aimed at 8-12 year old girls, and this is the content it has? Really? Look, it has some amazing lgbt representation (except for the fact Nadeshiko and Tomoyos mom were cousins) but this doesnt make it okay. Luckily, when I watched the show before I read the manga I thought Rika just had a schoolgirl crush on her teacher, the kind the show plays on once and moves on. No real action between them. And quite possibly the only thing Cardcaptors got right was completely removing the romance altogether and making Rika scared of Terada.

Overall, Rika and Terada dating is nasty and of you ship them you're nasty.

[clathrose]

i may have said this before but something i really regret is thinking i wasnt a kid once i was literally 12 >_< why did i think that...................

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

theres this exchange between yaz and the doctor that ive written i think four times at this point where 13 finally... not breaks the façade bc it’s been broken but she admits to it being broken, to yaz. and yaz responds with kindness of course and the doctor says she doesnt deserve that, doesnt deserve yaz. and yaz says “it’s not about deserving”

i think thats whats it about for me. 12 regenerated bc they thought the universe needed them; “they’ll get it all wrong without me. i suppose one more lifetime wont kill anyone. except me” it’s fantastically arrogant but it’s also the root of the doctor’s problem. everything is their responsibility. so everything is their fault. they live to serve - ”i serve at the pleasure of the human race” - 13 even more than usual. and 13 also more than usual fails the human race. she has one job and she does it badly. she is alive for one reason and shes not meeting it. she doesnt deserve this.

but then yaz is there and yaz is like im not here because you deserve me to be, you twat. im my own fucking person and i’ll do what i fucking like. the universe doesnt revolve around you, no matter what anyone says. no matter who wants to blame you for the mass murders theyre doing. ive lived my whole life never knowing about daleks and shouldnt that tell you that there are entire worlds out there, lifetimes and lifetimes, with triumphs and losses and tragedies and happy endings and struggles that dont ever manage to resolve to either, that havent felt your influence at all

and the doctor would look at her and probably be thinking about how if her influence hadnt been there, yaz would have known about daleks. and if yaz could feel the constraints of the narrative, the doctor would ask how come she hasnt heard of daleks then? and yaz would say because i wasnt in the story. but yaz doesnt feel the constraints of the narrative, the boundaries of her life are the boundaries of her life, not, to her, of a story. and so the doctor, who can feel the constraints of the narrative in a subconscious way they have rarely been able to put their finger on, doesnt ask yaz how she hasnt heard of daleks before, but instead accepts what yaz says as if they both had lives instead of stories. and she smiles and says “thank you, yaz”

and it doesnt really sink in, what yaz said, because the doctor is not a person, not even a character in a story the way yaz is. what yaz says to her doesnt make sense even if we try to understand it from within their four walls, because the doctor isnt a character, theyre the story. so it doesnt stick on her, the idea that “not everything is about you” and “not everything in the universe is either your fault or your success” and “the fact that the people in your life are tied to you like characters to their story doesnt mean that everything they do is either reward or punishment for you personally” and “youre the story, not the main character, thats where you go wrong”

so it doesnt stick, but what does maybe stick is that it’s not about deserving. the good or the bad, it’s not about her

[thekingofwinterblog]

It’s all for his sake - Endeavor and the Sunk Cost Fallacy

My hero academia 301 is a pretty interesting chapter, but for me, the most notable piece of it was how Endeavour reacted to the realization that Touya couldnt surpass All Might.

upon realizing that his son might not be able to do it because of inborn physical limitations, he immediatly stopped his training, which frankly was the responsible and adult thing to do. 

This stint of real parenthood did not last long however.

After taking the matter to a doctor, he is flat out told that not only cant Touya achive what endeavor wants, but it is a direct result of his incredibly selfish and irresponsible attempt to play god, by trying to breed the “perfect” hero into being.

It is how you react when you lose however, that shows who you really are, and endeavor illustrates that very, very well.

Upon being told in no uncertain terms that his attempts at Breeding an heir failed magnificently, producing a child that was not capable of resisting his own immense power, but also admonished by his doctor for even attempting it, and adviced not to try again, Endeavor instead doubled down, while focusing on the child he screwed over from the start with his attempt at genetic manipulation.

It was all for him you see. Endeavor doesnt use those words, but that is how he spins it here. it was all for Touya, all for his sake. if i stop now, then Touya was all for nothing, a mistake, im doing this for my son.

if im doing this for my son, then im not responsible for any of this.

his wife however, calls him out on it, as she understands Touya much, much more than endeavor does. or rather, she sees him fully as a human being, instead of as a thing, a weapon, a failed attempt at an heir.

Unlike Endeavor, Rei is able to see the way this all is affecting her son. She is able to see, and understand that Touya has fully accepted what Endeavor wanted him to be. a stronger, and better version of himself. however, unlike Endeavor, she only cares about him as a person.

Endeavour by comparison isnt completely uncaring about Touya. like most abusive parents, he does possess love for his offspring, but it is forever tainted by the fact that however much he might care, or not care about Touya, any familial love he has for his son is tainted by the fact that to Endeavor, he is a failed experiment, a failed heir, not his child. 

He is the golden child that Endeavor was building up as his true and only heir, who he breed, trained, and molded to for that single purpose, and now that he’s reached a point where he cant continue that legacy.

so, its time to abandon him, and start over new, despite literarily having just learned how stupid this plan was, and that it can, in fact, go completely wrong, with a quirk that will fuck over the person he brings into the world.

Of course, Endeavor doesnt use those words to frame it. there is no way to pretend to be a hero, if you phrase it like that after all. Intead, this is the words he uses.

this is a very important series of panels for a great number of reasons, some that can be debated, argued, and we will probably never know the full truth to the questions because this is a series published in 2020′s shonen jump, and there are things that probably wasnt gonna fly with Hori’s editors, if it was the case.

but lets start with what can not be debated. Endeavor’s words here.

“If we want him to give it up, then we have no choice... Touya... Cant surpass him.”

These are very telling words, and however you believe The third and fourth children of the Todoroki family was concieved, there is not denying the meaning of what he’s saying here.

The only way that my son will stop being an idiot and fall into line, is if we have another baby. that is the only Right way to move forward. it is morally right, because if we dont do this, then he’s going to destroy himself.

there are two ways to interpret this scene.

The charitable way is to read it as the fact that he used Rei’s oldest son’s mental state as a justification of guilting his wife to have a third child, to give this attempt at a superpowered breeding project another shot, despite the fact that they now know that this can lead to a child who is essentially born crippled from his own powers, and despite the fact that Rei obviously understands the effect of them continuing this insanity will have on their oldest son.

the uncharitable way to look at it, is that he used this as justification for flat out raping her, and forcing a third, and then later a fourth child on her.

I personally believe the last one, given a number of factors shown in this chapter(the way this page is framed, the fact Rei obviously didnt want a third child, given she predicted exactly how touya would react, the way her eyes would latet turn when she looks at who is presumably touya which really brings to mind how she would later react to her youngest son’s face after her mental breakdown, etc.), but i’ll frankly admitt that withouth a direct quote from Hori, its impossible to know for sure one way or another. 

either way however, this is a very good example of Endeavor both being influenced by, and using Sunk Cost Fallacy to justify bringing another potentially crippled child into the world for his own, selfish goals.

sunk cost Fallacy, is a mental reaction to when you invest more time and resources into a project, that you becomes so emotionally invested into said project that you will continue to invest into it, even if it reaches a point that it becomes clear that the resources you put into it, far, far outweighs the potential gains you can achieve.

because if you give up after having invested years, and years of effort to breed, raise, and train a kid, and then all that effort was absolutely wasted. hence he choose to keep going, despite having learned what a terrible idea this is.

He doesnt care about the fact that his next child might be even more crippled than his firstborn, he doesnt care about his son’s actual wellbeing. he cares about the fact that if he doesnt continue this insanity, then not only will he not achieve his dreams, but everything he did to get to this point was for absolutely nothing.

and endeavor cannot accept that. and so long as he can justify breeding more children into the world, and there being any chance they might inherit both quirks perfectly, he doesnt care about anything else.

and the moment he realised that this kid wasnt gonna cut it either, he did it again. it is not a coincidence, that the age gap between Endeavor’s second, third, and fourth children were all 3-4 years apart. because thats the age where you can usually tell when a quirk will manifest or not, as established earlier in the series.

While she isnt brought up directly by Endeavor as a justification, it is very telling that Endeavor decided on having a third child, only after his second child was old enough that he could tell that that there was no chance she could take the place as his heir instead.

So, he had his third child, and as time passed and it became obvious that he wasn’t gonna be able to fulfill Endeavor’s goals either, he dumped him, and instead breed a fourth child into existence.

and finally, he struck gold. he did it. he produced Shoto.

everything was finally worth it, and now, everything would be absolutely fine. the cost fallacy had reached its end, and it was now all full sails ahead.

except of course it wasnt.

His oldest son, now in middle school, had been raised from birth to believe he would surpass his father, only to be thrown away, and getting to see his father try to replace him, not once, but twice.

frankly, this scene is probably my favorite in the chapter, because it goes to show Endeavor’s mindset. Natsuo made a point that their father completely ignored his older children. and he did... from Natsuo’s perspective. however, having a more thourough picture of things, we can clearly see that this wasnt the case with Touya.

Endeavor genuinly cared for Touya, enough that once he got that child he tried to breed into existence 4 times, he genuinly wanted him to just abandon trying to be a hero. he genuinly thinks of himself as a good dad here, wanting his son to abandon the mission he set out for him before he was born. of course, with context, this heartwarming scene is incredibly sad and insidious, because we understand why Endeavor got so attached to his oldest child. because he WAS the golden child. he was the child Endeavor genuinly cared about, and invested in, and trained personally with great warmth and enthusiasm.

And not only did he abandon him as a failed project the moment he realized he wasnt gonna live up to his ridiculous standards, but he literarily created 2 more kids to try and replace him, just as his oldest son was old enough to understand what exactly his dad was doing. over the course of this chapter, we get to see Touya’s start as a 5-8 year old, his deteriorating mental state over the years, until he finally seemed to reach the breaking point with Shoto’s birth sometime in his middle school years 12-15. 

Endeavor is in this scene, just not capable of understanding why Touya so desperately wants to become a hero, when obviously he isnt physically able to do so. he isnt able to understand that he is 100% to blame for the fact that his son is having a full emotional breakdown after literaly being replaced by his siblings. 

In other words, Endeavor genuinly think’s he’s a good person. a person who has made a few mistakes along the way sure, but a person who was always justified in the end, and now that he’s having to face the fact that as dabi would later say “The past never dies” and has to face the aftermath of his inane attempt to play god for the pettiest of reasons, things simply arent going to work out.

He isnt going to have a happy family, who can now put the awful early years behind them, he put way too much effort, caused too much suffering and sacrificed too many years of his life for this not to work out as he wants.

after all, if he walks away from this project now, and lets Shoto have a normal childhood, and decide for himself, with no pressure from him, wheter or not to become a hero, then the sunk cost fallacy will have reached a negative end. it will all have been for nothing.

and we know he did eventually double down on this mentality, literarily beating into Shoto that he WAS going to become a hero, and there was not but’s or no’s about it.

there was no way that Endeavor was EVER going to let things be for nothing. His treatment of his older children could not be for nothing. His treatment of his wife could not be for nothing. His treatment of Shoto, and the way he beat him black and blue to train him, could not be for nothing.

Because if it all was for nothing, if everything he feels guilty about was for absolutely nothing, then he was in fact, a bad, bad person, who had no justification for anything he ever did.

[magnoliae]

Hii, I saw u had ppl who support the penumbra podcast on ur DNI, and i was just wondering, what was the hiring event u were referring to? It's on my list of podcasts to listen to n I was wondering if I should take it off

Hi! Ill start from a beginners perspective of the penumbra as the main controversy is very much a direct result of all of penumbras past mistakes, sorry if you know parts of this already. Also Im white and started listening mid season 2, so this is more of a rundown than like an authoritative judgement.

Theres two unrelated stories that are just going into the fourth season, one a scifi noir show with many themes on family, trauma, recovery and corruption, and a fantasy D&D like fiction which I have not listened to as much so I dont know the themes as well. However both stories are really popular because of their diversity in primarily LGBTQIA+ charcaters, but also race, disabilities, age, gender.

The main protagonist of the scifi noir is Juno Steele, a black disabled nonbinary character who has PTSD and other traumas. However, the penumbra has a predominantly white cast and writing crew, especially at the beginning of the show, and didnt explicitly give any charcters a race or ethnicity (except for iirc the antagonists of the now non-canon pilot who were south asian and said to "breed like rabbits" yikes).

Then in 2017, penumbra hired Michaela Buckley, whose art is a whole nother can of worms of racist and transmisogynistic caricatures. As the first "official" artist she gave the characters a lot of their traits that are still seen today, especially races and ethnicities like black for Juno, and South East Asian for his love interest Peter Nureyev. As a white person its not my place to judge the harmfulness in making an angry alcoholic character with a broken home black, and a suave homme-fatale thief Asian, but it doesnt sound good on paper.

When people brought this up with the creators of the show, they sort of made it canon but not really? Nothing really was mentioned on changing their ways or combating fandom racism. According to this timeline by @/ofdreamsanddoodles they later apologised, but still sold Buckley's merch. They also kinda sidestepped it by making their future "race blind", however the setting is very much not a utopia so idk the decision to avoid race as a topic seems a bit glaring imo. I think Buckley as well apoligsed separately, and she never intended to be like, the voice of god on canon representation.

The recent controversy however is around the newest artist penumbra have hired after their season 3 artist left. They hired Ellison Estephan, who also has a history of drawing racist, lesbophobic and transmisogynistic caricatures. the link goes over one of the most offensive artworks, which the penumbra team later address.

The first "statement" was given by one of the showrunners, Harley Takagi Kaner, on twitter I think a day after the announcement. However they basically only talked about the bullying theyve received in the meantime. It was mentioned later by Kevin Vibert how this was done in the spur of the moment by Harley. Vibert did compare the numbers of slurs sent to him, a white cis gay guy, vs Harley, a nonbinary POC so like, I understand why Harley would try to stop like abuse rather than criticism, but it wasnt great when this looked like their only official apology. Ellison also dismissed their offensive art as "goofy", which was also not great when fans hadnt heard anything else from the team. They did later apologise properly.

Then a week after the announcement, Vibert releases an 12 page statement on the matter. However, a large part of this was more going over why it took the team so long to respond and their hiring process, rather than an actual apology. In regards to Ellison's infamous artwork, he only goes over Alessandra Strong because no one on the hiring team was a black woman. And the response was it made sense to make a tall gruff muscular woman black because of her personality and because previous fans (like Buckley) had drawn her as black so it'd be taking away representation. I cant truly make a judgement on that, but he handwaves away the overly offensive caricature style which is what people mainly had an issue with, and didnt bring up the other characters. The crew have also decided to keep Ellison as their artist, so this is just another case of the penumbra team refusing to make changes and not take accountability in writing their characters and plot.

[simpsiren]

about the roommate

park seonghwa x reader

main masterlist

description. you talk about your weird relationship with the roommate you’ve been with for so long yet still dont know much about

genre. roommates au, fluff, seonghwa hinting at reader that they like them

warnings. nonee

a/n. hihii so i wanted to try writing for ateez since ive been doing a lot of nct ff already. its my first time so i doubt that it’ll be accurate but i got the idea from this post by @darling-akaashi so i hope it will be decent. i never thought that it would be this long but oh well HAHA enjoyy :D

how did you even become roommates with someone like him? you dont even know. all you knew was that you were finding someone to share the apartment rent with and it just so happens that your friend at college, wooyoung, has a friend who was looking for an apartment.

and now here you are. a year and a half of sharing an apartment with seonghwa yet the two of you are in your separate rooms. the only interaction you ever made today was at breakfast where seonghwa cooked for you scrambled eggs and toasted bread.

there’s wasn’t much you knew about him at first. but as you slowly but surely try to accomplish your mission of getting to know seonghwa (since you didn’t like being awkward with people all the time), you start to learn a thing or two about him.

you were glad that after a year and a half of staying with him, you got to know more about him, despite the fact that the interaction between the two of you still needed some work.

[ONE] : he’s a clean freak.

you were feeling tired from a long day of school and all you thought of doing while walking home was to sit on the couch and resume your anime marathon.

you unlock your door to find seonghwa mopping the floor. you nod your head slowly as you close the door and take off your shoes before taking any step further.

“didnt you mop the floor yesterday?” you ask, placing your keys on the kitchen counter along with your bag on the chair of the dining table.

“yeah.” was all you heard from seonghwa as you pour yourself a glass of grape juice. “you dont have to mop again-“

“its a habit.” seonghwa replies simply. with your cup in hand, you make your way to the living room, where seonghwa is currently mopping. you take a seat on the couch and grab the controller to turn on the tv. “hey wanna watch attack on titans with me?” seonghwa was mopping the floor in between the couch you’re sitting on and the coffee table and stops in front of you, raising an eyebrow.

“i dont watch anime?” you furrow your eyebrows and frown. “come on its fun! stop your cleaning and at least watch one episode.” you grab seonghwa’s arm and pull him down to sit next to you, making him flinch a little and quickly placing the mop beside the couch.

“how am i suppose to watch when i dont know what happened before?” you roll your eyes.

“if you find this episode good then you can watch it from the start in your free time.”

seonghwa sighs and and stands up, walking away to keep the mop before taking a seat beside you again and getting comfortable. “this better be worth it. im suppose to clean the toilet right now.”

“that can wait.” you nudge your arm into his chest, making him let out another long sigh before watching the show silently.

[ONE.2]

it was a saturday morning as you went to sleep at 4am. hence, making you wake up at 11am in the morning. however, you have always been laying around in your bed for about an hour or so before getting out of your room. when the clock striked 12, you thought that it would be a good idea to get out of your room and have lunch. gathering up all your energy, you brought yourself out of bed and lazily walk out of your room.

as you walked down the hallway, the first thing you saw was seonghwa cleaning the counter top of the kitchen. you clicked your tongue and walked over to where seonghwa was.

“did you make lunch yet?”

seonghwa looks up at you and shakes his head. “its a saturday so im spring cleaning the house.” you rolled your eyes and shake your head.

“you do that every single day!” you whine. seonghwa raises his eyebrow. “i like to keep the house neat unlike you.” you let out a soft ‘tsk’.

you have to admit, you were not a clean person at all. the only reason why the apartment is clean is because of seonghwa’s habit of being well organised and meticulous. basically everything in the apartment but your room is squeaky clean. although you see seonghwa staring at your room and looked like he’s holding back the strong urge to clean it for you, he doesn’t really do anything about the fact that you are the complete opposite of him. you dont know why but you only shrug it off.

“ill help you today, alright? then you can quickly cook something up for us. im hella hungry right now.”

seonghwa lifts his head up from the table and scoffs with a slight smile. you furrow your eyebrows and frown. “what’s that face for, huh?”

“this is the first time you offered to help. id say thank you but i know you’re only doing it because we both know im the only one that can cook.” seonghwa says confidently. you purse your lips and nodded your head.

“you’re right. but i’ll still help. so, what should i do?” seonghwa tosses the cloth that he was using to clean the kitchen counter. you took a step back as you quickly got a hold of it.

“wash it and wipe the bookshelf.” you let out a long sigh before flashing him a bright smile and headed over to the bookshelf. while you were wiping the sides of the bookshelf, you could have sworn that you saw seonghwa looking at you with a smile and a light blush of pink on his cheeks. you pretended not to notice though, and shrug it off.

[TWO] : he’s a great cook.

you still remember the first day you came to the apartment. the first thing you see your new roommate doing was cleaning. like intense cleaning. it was late at night and you didn’t bother to even greet the stranger since you felt awkward and wanted to rest for the night.

however, at about two in the morning, you were laying down in your room when you felt the need to have a night snack. you stepped out of your room and went to the kitchen. the whole apartment was dark except for the dimly lit lamp at the kitchen. you jumped a little when you hear seonghwa’s voice coming from the living room.

“y/n?” you turn around to see seonghwa chilling on the couch with his phone. the living room was completely dark and you could only see his face from the light illuminating from his phone.

“i was just getting a snack to eat.” you said as you opened the fridge to look for something to eat. unfortunately, there wasnt anything that looked like it would fill your midnight appetite. you hear seonghwa standing up from the couch at the back and walking towards you. you tilted your head to the back and see seonghwa standing behinf you. you tale a step back.

“i can cook something if you want.”

“no no its fine i just need a simple snack.” seonghwa kept quiet for a moment as you went back to the fridge to look for food again, as if something might magically pop up. but of course nothing did.

“well i didnt think of getting any snacks when i moved in. ill make something.” seonghwa walks over to the fridge and nudges your arm, making you move to the kitcen counter and leaning your hip against it as you watch seonghwa get to work.

you were looking through your phone, distracted when you heard the noise of two bowls being olaced on the table. you lift your head up and noticed that seonghwa made yoghurt with cherries and raspberries. it wasnt your idea of a midnight snack but at this point, anything could go in your stomach.

“thanks.” you whisper softly as you drag the bowl near to you. seonghwa only hums in response as the two of you take a bite at the same time. your mouth gapes open as your head slowly tilts up from your bowl to look at seonghwa. he was casually eating when his raises an eyebrow at your weird expression.

“how.. how does this taste so good? what did you do it? did you poison it?!” seonghwa blinks at you a few times and shakes his head slowly. your forehead creases as you look at him suspiciously. “i never really liked yoghurt but holy shit.” you quickly take another bite.

“i think you’re just hungry. it tastes fine to me.” seonghwa says in a monotoned lazy manner and grabs the bowl and taking a seat at the dining table. you purse your lips into a straight line and grab your bowl as well and walking down the hallway to your room. before you open your door to go in, you quickly turn your head to the dining table.

“thanks for the yoghurt! ill wash the bowl later.” seonghwa doesnt react, keeping his eyes on his phone. you gave a weird look before heading inside. you sigh.

he’s going to be hard to talk to.

[TWO.2]

“its your birthday, right?” your jumped in your seat when seonghwa suddenly appeared beside you on the couch. “uhuh.. how’d you know?” you say softly, nodding your head.

“wooyoung told me. lll make you a cake or something. anything you want to eat?” you blink at him a few times, your mouth still gaping open as you were shocked about a few things. 1. he talking to you in a more open matter and 2. he actually want to make you something for your birthday.

“make me mac and cheese, please! i love the way you cook it!” you smiled brightly. seonghwa smiled back and coughed, only to return to his monotoned face. you laugh softly. you found it cute somehow.

“i wouldn’t have allowed it since its unhealthy but since its your birthday-”

“thank you!” you leaned in to hug seonghwa. the didnt hug you back, so you quickly pulled away. you noticed him blushing again, this time it was more obvious. you shook it off, despite knowing you felt butterflies in your stomach. “ill go out to get groceries then.” seonghwa stands up from the couch and heads inside his room to get ready.

you smiled to yourself constantly as you waited for seonghwa to finish making the mac and cheese. you sigh in satisfaction as the smell of the delicious food fills the air in the apartment. you tapped your feet excitedly as you had your eyes glued onto seonghwa with the pan in his hands. your face lit up the moment the starts walking towards you. you clap your hands as he places it down on the dining table.

“fuck it smells and looks to good.” you moan out. seonghwa lets out a soft laugh, making you blush just from hearing him do that. “if i made this any other day, i would’ve asked you to pay for the groceries.” you roll your eyes.

“come on dont be rude to me.” you grab a fork and spoon, bringing your plate near the pan and cutting out a slice for yourself. “thanks for the mac and cheese.” seonghwa only nods his head and took a slice for himself before the two of you ate together slowly, indulging the savoury and amazing taste of one of seonghwa’s best dishes he has ever made dor you.

you appreciated times like thae with seonghwa. alrhough not much interaction was made during meal times, you really felt that he cared for you. making meals you like on special occasions, and he’s always asking you what you want to eat, despite the fact that he might not be comfortable with the idea, he doesn’t fail to whip up a great meal. you liked that about seonghwa.

[THREE] : he’s a great listener.

you basically the worse day that day. for some reason, everything just had to go wrong. the only thing you felt the whole day were anger and sadness, more so towards anger. it was late at night yet you were still fuming in anger, only wanting to let it all out the moment you stepped into the apartment.

you unlocked the door and dropped your bag beside you and slammed the door shut. of course the piercing sound of the door made seonghwa lift his head up in an instant. you notice him laying down on the couch with his phone and usual.

stomping over to the kitchen, you pour yourself a glass of cold water. you chugged the whole cup of water fast and forcefully place the cup on the counter. you clearly felt seonghwa’s eyes on you. you look up from your cup and notice him looking shocked, his mouth gaping open slightly.

“what?” you said, running your hand through your hair in frustration.

“you okay...?” you hear seonghwa ask. “does it look like im okay? today felt as if i entered a shit hole.” you huff. you made your way over to the couch, leaving your empty cup on the counter.

“move your ass.” you hiss at seonghwa. he raises an eyebrow and gets up from his laying position, proceeding to sit up and let you take a seat beside him.

you sit down and let your body sink into the couch, laying your head back as you sigh to calm yourself down. “what happened?” seonghwa whispers, putting away his phone and turning his attention to you.

you purse your lips into a thin line and slowly looked up at him. his eyes were filled with concern and his voice was gentle too. he hasn’t been this concerned about you before.

“apparently i got my best friend to dress up all cute and fancy so that she can have a date with my boyfriend behind my back.” you scoff in disbelief, shaking your head. you see seonghwa licking his lips nervously as he nodded his head.

“a shit show if you ask me. i saw him waiting for her in front of the shop i was working at.” you grab the pillow behind you and hug it close to your chest with you digging your face into it. “just how cruel can people get?” your voice was muffled but you knew seonghwa heard you loud and clear. you felt his hand resting on your back, patting it gently.

“its fine. rant all you want.” you took a deep breath and slammed the pillow onto your lap. you felt that it made seonghwa jump a little but he never fails to keep his composure in check. you could never be like him.

the night, all you did was talk, cried and screamed your heart out. and seonghwa was there to just listen to you. he didn’t react much, but he did nod a few times hear and there to let you know that he understood what you were saying. he wasnt so affectionate that he would hug you when you cried, but it felt good to just have him sit there with you while you let out all your anger and frustration. you figured that having him as your listener was his way of showing comfort for you.

[THREE.2]

it was 4am. you and seonghwa have been drinking since 2am. why? you had a bad day and you felt rhe need to destress with some alcohol. seonghwa wouldn’t have allowed you to get drunk but he was apparently having a bad day too and felt like he wanted to get a little drunk to forget everything that day.

“dont you know how fucking stupid that is? it only happens to me. why?!” you groan as you take down another shot. seonghwa fills up your cup again.

“just forget them. they’re being idiots.” seonghwa whispers. you gap your mouth open and roll your eyes. “how can i forgot something like that?!” you shout angrily, slamming your hand on the table. seonghwa laughs in a lazy manner.

“you’re cute when you’re mad.”

“excuse me?” you tilt your head to the side, wondering if you heard seonghwa’s words clearly.

“nothing.” you shrug it off and shake your head.

“by the way..” you started off. seonghwa lifts his head up from the table and lets out a ‘hm?’

“why arent you telling me why you’re drinking? you don’t normally do this. you dont even let me drink unless its a special occasion. i rarely see you drunk.”

seonghwa raises both his eyebrows and sigh. “i had a bad day. but yours sounds worse so ill let you do all the ranting.” seonghwa starts playing with his shot glass, circling his index finger around its rim.

you clicked your tongue. “but its always been about me. you cook me my favourite meals, you do all the cleaning and you’re always here for me when im pissed. i feel bad about it..” you quickly glance at seonghwa. its the blushing again. you started to accept the fact that you had an effect on him, instead of avoiding the fact that he might have feelings for you.

“i guess im always doing those things because...” he leans forward over the table, getting close to your face. you start to grow nervous and your heart started beating quickly. you held a fist to your chest, breathing slowly to calm you down, but it failed. its the first time you’ve seem seonghwa like this. he looked... hot?

“do you know the answer?” seonghwa asks, tilting his head to the side as you watch his eyes glaze over you whole face as if he’s admiring every inch of it.

“no?” your breathing stopped for a moment when seonghwa gets even closer. this time, your noses were touching. seonghwa chuckles lowly. why did that sound so good all of a sudden?

“i know that you know. i wonder why you’re shying away.” seonghwa’s lips immediately connected with yours. you blinked your eyes rapidly as you tried to process the situation. you couldn’t hold back. his lips felt great against yours. its like all the worries that have been piling up in you have been washed away from a simple kiss.

who knew you’d get this close to your mysterious roommate? its a drastic start to a good relationship nonetheless.

[rainstormfes]

Attack on Titan S4 pt2 Ep12 (2/2)

again SPOILER WARNING. now lets get straight to it

OH GOSH WHAT TO SAY ABT THIS WHOLE 'do they love each other in a more than family way' PART OF THE EP.

i WILL acknowledge that its heavily implied that eren loves her as more than family so lets just assume that sure, he does love her like that.

in the left pic, eren literally looks desperate to hear that she thinks of him as more than just family. and then the right pic is him knowing that even if she reciprocated nothing should even happen. he doesnt have that much longer to live; he most likely feels that he shouldnt get anymore involved w her otherwise itd just be more painful to leave her

putting focus on the beginning and middle of the ep w mikasa's monologue: we could see that she was blushing when he asked her what he was to her so that obvi might imply that she loves him more than just family. but she didnt say that w the "you are family" part. BUT IF EREN DID HEAR THAT where she said that she loves him more than family, that still begs that question that mikasa ponders in the middle of the ep: would he change course if she had said smth else at the time aka she loves him more than family? would he change his plans to protect the woman he loves (IF he loves her like that and IF he properly knew that she reciprocated?)

considering hes been shown to be a very idealistic man and we always see him strongly stick to his ideals no matter what, would it have even made a difference if mikasa's answer was different?

i honestly think no, nothing would change if mikasa's answer was different. i think he was just looking for that confirmation. what he would do with that information, most likely not a lot bc he knows he has stuff to do. i dont think he would throw away his ideals for a woman he loves, he just doesnt seem to be that kind of guy. YES he cares abt her so so much (and his friends whom he considers family at this point) but he just wants her and everyone else to live on happily and peacefully whether or not hes there with them as he says he wants them to.

THE WAY THEY USED THE VERY FIRST LISTED OST TRACK 'attack ON titan' IN THIS FINAL SEGMENT AHHHHH IT WAS USED PERFECTLY. WHEN KOBAYASHI MIKA STARTED HER BEAUTIFUL AND POWERFUL SINGING, I COULDNT HELP BUT GET SO HYPED

THE BIGGEST THING THAT SHOCKED ME THIS EP. LOOK AT HIM. DADDY LONG ARMS RIGHT THERE. HE LOOKS SO MENACING. AND HOW LONG IS HIS BODY TF. CAUSE IF THATS THE HEAD HOW FAR BACK IS THE REST OF THE BODY. and how tf doES HE EVEN M O V E.

this is such a good frame of tiny eren. this is the moment that started his journey on finding out just how big the world really is

THIS FRAME IS ABSOLUTELY INSANE. AND AGAIN HOW LONG IS THE BODY.

call back to the first ep man. LOOK AT THAT PARALLEL. a colossal titan making its way into a city? AINT THE FIRST TIME WEVE SEEN IT.

So to go off of the very first line of ep 12 "Everyone says that Eren has changed.": In my opinion, eren hasnt changed one bit since he was a kid. this boy has made it abundantly clear that his mindset is always 'the enemy should be and needs to be removed' whatever 'removed' entails. theres him beating up the neighborhood bullies bc they were the enemy to the weaker kids they could pick on aka armin. theres him killing the bandits bc they were the enemy to the ppl that he and his dad were visiting. theres him wanting to kill titans bc he saw them as the true enemy of the walls (before he found out the full truth). and now theres him wanting to wipe out the whole world's population (except for paradis island) since theyre the enemy that views the island as the enemy.

ALSO CAN WE JUST TALK ABT THE ABSOLUTE TRAUMA THIS MAN HAS GONE THROUGH. first of all, dealing w finding out the future when he touched historia's hand. he found out about everything thats happening now and then also past this. AND HE COULDNT TALK TO ANYONE ABOUT IT EITHER. who would think that he wasnt crazy for saying that hes going to start the rumbling and kill of civilization outside of paradis island? SO HE HAD TO INTERNALIZE IT. THERES NO WAY HE'D BE MENTALLY OK AFTER FOUR YEARS OF THAT.

AND THEN THERE WAS THE SCENE AT THE END WHERE HE NEEDED TO FAKE BEING A WOUNDED SOLDIER SO HE COULD EVENTUALLY MAKE CONTACT WITH FALCO ETC ETC. THE ABOSLUTE A N G U I S H. i can see why his eyes look completely dead. he's gone through so much.

ANYWAYS. that concludes this season.

also YES im very happy that theyre making attack on titan the final season part 3 despite the terrible naming (they knew this would happen why the heck did they do this to themselves). i dont care what anyone says. this series is legendary. i cannot WAIT for the ending (despite manga readers saying theyre disappointed with it). i wanna see how this beautiful series (canonically) marks its end.

[life-gave-me-oranges]

so i took pcm last year. tomorrows my school result. im going to 12th tomorrow. we're still doing 11th syllabus in coaching but that doesnt matter.

i didnt know this is gonna be so fucking difficult. i feel so trapped. ive got like 3 friends. theyre all busy preparing for current 12th's farewell. theyve got all sorts of shittt things and plans for the *finally* offline school classes. ill probably not be attending them, im gonna have a talk with the teachers cause we all know it becomes hectic as hell.

my 11th was wild and yep. i did nothing else other than study and yet i am real behind in 11th.

even before this year and before the covid period, i didnt go out that much. i wanted to, but i wasnt allowed to. id fight my family so much but they never really gave me that freedom. im not saying theyre bad, theyre just slightly over protective. so anyway, i didnt even go out in evenings to play with neighbourhood kids. as a result, i only have a few friends and all them in school.

i feel like my childhood has fucking wasted away. i never really lived it. i dont even remember most of it. idk why. i dont know what i used to do. i do know that that wasnt really what other people my age did.

now ive got 12. obviously nothing else except studies. then college. i hear people say that once you get through 11th 12th youre all good off and everythings good in a good college. but i barely believe them. cmon man like. have some sense.

its this fucking cycle. i never lived my childhood really. and now i wont have a chance to.

[hhuta]

every day i think about how they changed the le bien qui fait mal and l'assasinphonie choreography so salieri wasn't dancing close with sexy half naked men. do we know why. i have tried and failed to pinpoint an exact time. i feel like im going insane. they no homoed a dance

anon.. i think about that daily too... im so happy someone else loves the original choreos like i do 😭 it took me a while to reply cuz i was on a mission to answer ur questions as best as i could. so... finally... here is what i found out:

first of all if u wanna read my rant about the changes, in general, here are the posts about le bien qui fait mal and l'assasymphonie

second of all "do we know why" is a good question. meaning i dont have an answer dlkjaskl i just now started to learn french so if they ever talked about it in a video, or something... i missed it. so right away im telling u that i can only offer my guesses.

///

starting with LE BIEN QUI FAIT MAL, as i said in that post i linked, i tried to figure out whether they only degayed it for the 2011 proshot or not and i found out that no, the changes were also present in live performances.

then an anon told me massimiliano (the dancer who manhandles salieri) couldnt be at the 2011 proshot recording. i checked the video and he really wasnt there at all, but that still doesnt fully explain things, bc as u will see from my extensive, very professional research, unlike in the 2011 proshot, in live 2011 shows massimiliano was there, performing, in other parts of the musical. just not during lbqfm. i know he is an irreplaceable icon, so much that i couldnt find a single video where he wasnt the one manhandling salieri (even tho other dancers, from other parts of the choreo, kept switching), but to me its now clear that that was not the case. they really just decided to change the choreo.

so now lets see how it all progressed

for that its helpful to know the dates of mor performances. based on that i was insane enough to watch as many videos as i could to try to pinpoint when the choreo changed. except it wasnt that simple. i quickly found out that a loootttttt of other changes happened before that major one, before massimiliano left. so here it is

THE LBQFM CHOREO CHANGES I NOTICED

03.01.2010 last PDS performance, still the original

6, 26 february 2010 original

11 march 2010 original (massimiliano's skirt fell off 😭)

20 march 2010 original

8 may 2010 original

9 may 2010 not so much the original anymore. this is the first change i've noticed. @1:28 originally its a male dancer who bends back salieri and then there are 2 men and 2 women who .. idk how to describe it, but do that push and pull motion. here one of the guys is not there

(10, 11, 12 no performances)

13, 15, 16 may 2010 now the other guy is gone too, only women left (but the dancer is not really gone. im pretty sure hes there, doing another thing next to them)

(cannot find a video from the 17th, that was the last performance in lyon)

performances at zenith de saint etienne begin at the 21st but i couldnt find a video from it

22 may 2010 original again (sidenote salieri is really unhinged here)

27 may 2010 change. female dancer who's usually interacting with salieri during the first verses isnt there, just massimiliano. not sure if its the same woman who calls him during the bridge and moves him thru the dancers but anyways shes also not there, he walks around alone. so when the Climax happens, again, only massimiliano is there grabbing him

31 may 2010 and 6, 10, 13 and 19 june 2010 another change. the female dancer is back, but during "j'adore l'avoir dans la peau" usually there are two dancers next to him mimicking playing a harp with their bodies but not this time

now the dates that matter the most i cant find a single videeooo 🤡 which are the performances in limoges (25, 26 and 27 june 2010) so all i can say is that

3 july 2010 is the first time i could find that massimiliano wasnt there. aka the degayed choreo. but i cant say if it is the first. also the original choreo for the "j'adore..." part is back again. thats the only performance they did in nancy and its also the last tour performance from 2010. a bunch of people were at the curtain call, even albert cohen was there, so its very weird that massimiliano was absent. im so mad i couldnt find those videos from late june bc all i got is just one video of him not being there, which makes me think he just couldnt be there so they had to change the choreo

9 november 2010 they are back in PDS and its the original again (also this is just for me but he still has the original cravat here. im trying to kill two birds with one stone)

2 december 2010 original (salieris beautiful cravat is gone 😔but this is one of my fave videos)

5, 11 december 2010 still the original

12 december 2010 changes again 😭 "j'adore..." harp dancers are gone again

14 december 2010 they are back <3 (funny video bc mikelangelo forgets to give florent the score)

18 december 2010 NOW HERE ITS WHERE IT GETS INTERESTING. a little change. massimiliano is there at the beginning, he drags salieri around but then hes gone before the first verse starts! and he doesnt come back !!! harp dancers are still there tho lmao

19 december 2010 massimiliano is fully gone 🎻 yamin even replaced him during la mascarade, like it happens in the 2011 proshot. i think since this date this change became the standard for a while, before they went back to the original. in the meantime, im guessing its when they shot the 2011 proshot

26 december 2010 still just the female dancer

4, 8 january 2011 still just the female dancer

9 january 2011 still just the female dancer but because it was the last performance in paris, before going on tour again, she has a whip for funsies. also they added, at the end, 2 female dancers sorta removing and quickly putting back salieris coat

28 january 2011 first tour performance, still just the female dancers. and i was not paying attention to this before, but i noticed for the first time in this video the 2 women dancing together, like they show for 2 seconds in the 2011 proshot. lesbian rights <3 i dont think it was part of the original choreo? its hard to tell exactly when they added that bc people usually record salieri, not the dancers, and hes not next to them when it happens (its before the bridge)

4, 5, 6 february 2011 still just the female dancer. but unlike before, this time (but idk exactly when it began) massimiliano was there for other parts of the show; yamin and other people didnt replace him (on the 4th: im pretty sure hes present in l'assasymphonie) (on the 5th: hes in la mascarade, le trublion, etc)

so. they really just changed it. massimiliano not being able to perform wasnt the case. we have to accept that they made a mistake <333 ldkajslk

19, 20, 27 february 2011 the original is back

19, also 19, 20, 23, 26 march 2011 it changed a little again but massimiliano is still there. no one bends salieri back and just one guy and one woman do the push and pull motion. also i think around here they removed the two women dancing together? maybe i just cant see it

20 mai 2011 original back once again

01 april 2011 .................... clearly an aprils fools joke bc massimiliano is gone again. i randomly picked this date cuz i knew it would be cursed dlkjaslk.. also again salieri doesnt get bent back and just 2 dancers do the push and pull... u knOW IT !!! WE GET IT !!!!! ok but i love him dramatically sighing and falling on the floor at @2:58 hes doing the most to make up for the flavour that got lost

03.06.2011 original again

12.06.2011 just massimiliano, no female dancer. im obsessseedddd with this video fully bc of the things massimiliano does!! obsessed with his evil smile @0:48, obsessed with salieri forgetting to throw the score on the floor, so massimiliano grabs it from his hand and forces him to kneel and stand up again. can u tell im a massimilianator and the choreo without him has no chance to please me?

17.06.2011 back to the original again

now im gonna skip to the very last performance from this production bc im honestly tired lkdajskl

10 july 2011 its the original thank god

TL;DR: 19 december 2010 is when the degayed choreo became the standard for a bit and on 19 february 2011 the original returns.

im confident that watching all those videos in a short period of time gave me brain damage but .. anything for science <3

ANYWAYS i started to do this to figure out why they changed It only to realise they changed A Lot of other things throughout performances (some things i didnt even mention, like the dance the woman does next to salieri during the first verse changes a lot) and they kept going back and forth to the original choreo. i think i can safely say not a single part (involving salieri) remained the same throughout the whole thing (not even the bending him back part was always there. i could swear it would be but!! no!). my guess is maybe because a certain dancer took a break or maybe they just wanted to do something different

in conclusion i figured out the exact dates but i cant tell u why massimiliano wasnt part of lbqfm for a while. i couldnt even find people talking about it on forums but, again, maybe bc im not fluent in french. to me it was a big loss, the whole thing loses its spice, i obviously prefer the original by miles. no idea why they simply didnt chose someone to replace him bc the other dancers changed all the time.

maybe it was in florents contract that only massimiliano was allowed to manhandle him <3 dlkjaslk im half kidding bc who knows? maybe it was a legal thing, maybe massimiliano invented this part of the choreo and only He could do it 😭 but honestly. my real final guess is that they simply wanted to change things to make it New and Fresh. as we saw, massimiliano leaving wasnt the only lbqfm choreo change.

///

moving on to L'ASSASYMPHONIE thank god bc it will be a lot easier to pinpoint when they changed the choreo. i believe they changed it and never went back to the original </3 god knows why </333 so when i find the new one ill stop looking

03.01.2010 last performance from "season one", at PDS (before going on tour) and also the last time they used the original choreo bUT ! THERES A BONUS! MORE MEN !!! LKDJALKS they said we will degay it later but u can have more naked men as a goodbye gift <3 really caught me by surprise, its the first time i watched it. but u wanna know whats really weird? this blurry shaky video is the only one i can find?! i even had to scroll a lot on youtube to get to it... conspiracy theory dove is trying to hide the original choreo. but honestly it makes no sense bc it was a Special day..... i cant find it anywhereee not even outside youtube... this is a hate crime. this is offensive. this is the heresy salieri sings about in the song.

the only thing i found was another performance from the same day but i think its the morning or afternoon performance and not the very last one. its for sure different than the one i linked first. i dont think there are 100 men onstage but at least we can see he had black nails 🥰 anyways... if anyone knows a better shot video of the very last performance... let me know... im really upsetklfdjalsjdal I FEEL SOOOO ROBBED...

and im even more mad now, remembering that from now on we get this new choreo. it began on their first tour

04.02.2010 2010 tour begins, first time we see the new choreo

and i have absolutely no idea why they changed it. again, i never saw an explanation and i dont have a single guess. i cannot imagine why they thought the new one was better. if i have to say one nice thing about it is that i like the background, the moving curtain that kinda looks like flames. they should absolutely drop the stupid flashing lights and just leave that background for the Cool effect and bRING BACK..... THE HALF NAKED BLINDFOLDED MEN (HNBM) ...........  THEY CAN REPRESENT SO MUCCHHHHHH... I LOVE THEM....

thats all i got to say otherwise ill start repeating myself.. if u wanna read more about my opinions on the hnbm and why i prefer the original l'assasymphonie choreo its all in the second link of this post..

anyways big thanks to anyone who read this, hope u enjoy all those videos. even with the dagayed choreos, florent and the dancers always deliver amazing performances. so, regardless, its a good time to watch them. lastly if anything is wrong, if i put down the wrong date or something, my bad, but it was .. a lot.. to go through, so if anyone sees a mistake let me know !

[clavicuss-vile]

ooh 9, 12, and 16 for the ask game? 👀 any character

!!!! imma format these like Cozy did lets go lets go!!

9) What unplayable faction would/did your oc (Nephthys) join, if any? Why?

Does this count? Apart from Anaelle who's a member of the forsworn, i cant think (off the top of my head) of many that are in unplayable factions,,,, except the original faction that i made. so lets go with that one! Icarus, who is Solaris' boyfriend (Solaris is my HOK) defected from the Dark Brotherhood after the Cheydinhal purification rendered him *barely* clinging onto life, and he establishes a rival assassins guild called The Black Spider in Skyrim (specifically out of Mercer Frey's old house,,, Lokir (guildmaster) gave it to them as a gift) that's entirely based on robin-hood style contracts, they only accept them from children/vulnerable/lower class etc. They're made up mostly of taken in orphans bc Icarus himself was an orphan vampire (and was taken in by Vicente... ouch). ANYWAY! Nephthys is sent there by Azurah to join up because he Had Nowhere To Live and they're very much like a little family to him! I'll do a whole post on the Spider at some point ive just gotta figure out a few more members :)))

12) Is your oc (Kaos) good with finances? Bartering? How long can they keep the money they make?

Gonna do Kaos for this one bc the poor boy is not good with money. like at all. when he was teeny tiny his mum handled all the finances, but when they relocated to Cyrodiil and she was killed by the thalmor, he had to step up for the family Quick. he wasnt even the eldest child bless him, second eldest, but his older brother Farendir joined their father Ameridan in the drowning away the loss of their mother/wife with alcohol gang, so Kaos had to look after his little siblings (Ime and Thalia). Being a little child that was also the only income of the family at this point from hunting, they barely could afford loaves of bread. Jump forward in time to skyrim, when he starts getting all this money from adventuring, the brotherhood, etc, there are SEVERAL moments where he'll be at the market with Lucien, Inigo, and Rhyielhelas and be like :( oh :( that dagger looks really nice but its 20 septims i cant afford that :( and Lucien just has to be like "Kaos. my friend. you have over 5000 septims in your bag right now". Rhy is absolutely no help he doesnt understand why you cant just trade a hunk of meat for it

16) Does your oc (Kaos, again) take their time as they travel, or are they purposeful? How do they survive in the wilds, especially if they aren’t hunter-types? How dependent is your oc on civilized society?

Oh boy. Cozy already probably knows where this is going (hi bestie!) Kaos is very much a hunter type, boy's very resourceful, BUT. Civilisation? Nope. Absolutely not. Whenever him and Lucien are travelling in his second year in Skyrim, he refuses to travel on roads, during the day time, or go anywhere near cities. Towns are possibly an option but only if they're smaller than Falkreath. This is because: 1. I mentioned his mum (Valenthera) was killed by thalmor; that happened while they were camped up for the night on the roadside as they were travelling up from Valenwood into Cyrodiil. He's scared of being stationary at night, or being on roads at all because of that. 2. the biggest city he's lived in was Bleaker's Way (yknow that tiny little collection of like. 3 houses in Bruma county?). he thinks Riverwood is huge. he actually confuses it for Whiterun at first. 3. he's also on the run from Bruma guards. long story short, he ends up burning down the orphanage he was put into, and he's paranoid that no matter how far he runs, the guards are always searching for him to bring him back. Eventually his friends do help him calm down around cities but it's a long journey <3

[honeygrandpa]

i think one reason i stay away from body positivity stuff is there is usually so much hate in the replies/notes/comments and i am too fragile for that! when assholes on the internet say that fat people are lazy and unhealthy and shouldn’t love their bodies, it really sucks but it’s all a lot more complex than that!!

it’s not really just that i dont love my body or that these strangers dont love my body, i’m upset about the ed that my mom forced on me and normalized since i was 12! i was encouraged to “fast” (starve myself while i was just starting puberty), take diet supplements, eat sugar free/diet food and snacks, count my calories, use an app to check my calories, check my weight weekly, and drink protein shakes instead of eating! all while my little brother was allowed to eat whatever he wanted and i was a kid with a sweet tooth so obviously whenever i had access to sugar, i would binge on it! it felt like it wasnt fair that i couldnt eat what other kids could and fairness has always been really important to me! i’m upset that i have never felt like i could wear the clothes that i wanted to, mostly because my mom told me i looked fat in photos! but i really really really love and always have loved fashion but i couldnt wear it like my skinny step sisters could! so then i stopped letting people take photos of me and only wore very baggy t shirts! i dont have very many pictures of myself from the age of 12-20 besides very edited selfies! if i let myself get in a group picture, i would be standing behind my shorter friends and you couldnt even see me! i don’t have a single picture of just me from my first trip out of the country except for a shitty selfie with the david because i wouldnt let anyone take pictures of me! i have felt like an outsider since i was 12 years old, i couldnt eat like my friends, dress like my friends, ididnt wear a bathing suit without shorts and a tshirt until i was 21! i would sit in gym class and look at how fat my legs were in my shorts so i started wearing sweats, even though i would get hot and couldnt participate as well! i would walk the mile run because i didnt want anyone to make fun of the fat kid for sweating and having a red face and being out of breath. literally didnt matter that i played soccer and basketball all year round, i was out of shape because i didnt want anyone seeing me a fat person breathing hard! i didn’t date because i didn’t want anyone to touch me and i wouldn’t believe anyone that said they were attracted to me! it is important to note that i wasnt actually what most people would consider fat for most of this!! i only started to get fat later in high school when my mom moved to a different state without me so i had to couch surf but i literally didnt know that i wasnt always fat because i was just starting to look the way i was convinced i already looked! i am still not sure that i know what i look like!!

i was older than all of my friends were when i lost my virginity but i was absolutely not ready so age is not a good indicator of that at all. i decided to lose my virginity to a stranger because i figured the worst that could happen would just be rejected by someone that doesnt mean anything to me because i didnt believe that anyone that was matching with me on tinder would actually be attracted to me if we met in person.

so yea now im losing weight and im mostly doing it because i cant explain all of this to people when they make me feel less than for being fat. i am not eating to enjoy the food i eat but im eating just enough to be full and im avoiding sugar and carbs and trying to be better about sticking to veggies and protein, and im walking my dogs and jogging and my job is very active. but the main reason im actually losing weight right now is because i am taking weight loss medications perscribed by my doctor that can have serious negative side effects on my health. but i just want to be able to enjoy food like everyone else without people looking at me differently. i really cant even tell how much of it is paranoia and how often people actually do judge what i eat because obviously i only know for sure when people verbalize it but i feel like it’s happening all the time. at work a client brought in donuts for everyone and i asked if they were for everyone and she said “for you??” in a very specific voice that said i shouldnt eat donuts because they wouldnt be good for me. this same coworker told me that my clothes were too big for me and i was like yes? and she said “that was a compliment”

i understand that i need to love myself no matter what body im in or whatever and im trying to but even if i change MY mindset, i cant change the mindset of everyone else around me. i also understand that i really need to work on my social anxiety because that would maybe help me care less about what everyone else around me has to say about my body but i really cant imagine getting there and im talking to my therapist and taking my antidepressant and it still seems very unrealistic

anyway!!! sorry for that!! just saw some really nasty fatphobic comments on a post about bmi and im not sure why i even looked at the comments! guess i just love suffering!!