#except I really fucking suck at those
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erinwantstowrite · 3 months ago
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hey erin are you writing rn?
I am in my backyard playing my guitar except I forgot that it's really fucking cold outside and I'm pretty sure I hear a possum somewhere but I'm kind of ignoring it because I mean what the fuck is the possum going to do. unless it's the raccoon that's been harassing my family for the past like 2 years then maybe I should be worried but it's probably fine
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amtrak12 · 1 month ago
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After a conversation with a friend about this weird trend of fic readers who only want epic length fics (and also what seems to be a massive misunderstanding between parties on terms and their definitions), I went searching for the fandom sources I cut my teeth on. I don't have much bookmarked from those days anymore, but googling got me to this fiction length/terminology breakdown from a Livejournal blog. (Which also has good fandom definitions for other terms like A/N and fanon too, so if you're super new to fandom, go check that out.)
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The definitions come from the publishing world (hence the page counts), but fandom and fanfic has always borrowed heavily from official publishing terminology. Flash fiction (aka, anything less than 1k words) is called a 'ficlet' within fandom. We call everything else a fic until it reaches the novella mark -- which may start at 20k words but as synecdochic breaks down on their Dreamwidth blog, there's a lot of overlap between short stories and novella word counts. Because, when you're not constrained by physical page counts, the real dividing line between short stories and novellas are the number of plots and themes you're using. (Seriously, go read their meta on this topic. It's fantastic!) Either way, once you're hitting tens of thousands of words, you're in longfic territory. And then if your fic is even longer than that -- 100k+ like shown in the screenshot above -- it's called an epic fic.
And these terms, longfic and epic, are important because they're used to differentiate these stories from the average fic. Because, at least in the 2000s up until the 2020s, the most common fic lengths you ran into were between 1k-20k words. "Fic" made the reader assume only a few thousand words at most. It's only when you changed the term to drabble or ficlet or longfic that they would realize 'oh this is going to be shorter or longer than normal'.
I don't really understand why that baseline assumption has changed amongst the newer demographics (and maybe amongst some long-running fandom members too?). I've seen a lot of theories and 'tiktokification' complaints, but I honestly don't know what's true. And I don't want to start a fight or even try to change anyone's minds if they are dead set against reading short story length fics. You can do what you want!
Just maybe shift your attitude about it a little bit? Remember that it's a personal preference the same way tropes are, and that one story length isn't better than another. Just like tropes, each story length serves its purpose. Some stories are best told in 1-2k words. Some are best told as 100 word drabbles -- or even a single sentence! And then, yes, some stories do need to be 100k+ in order to be told properly.
But that's not every story. And it shouldn't be expected of fic writers to pad a 1500 word plot into some sprawling epic just because they left it on a cliffhanger. The cliffhanger is probably the point of that fic! Short stories are an entirely separate art form to novels and as such are able to cover different topics than novels can or cover the same topics differently. And that's what makes them special!!
And look at that word count breakdown by genre! That's mainstream publishing standards! Now, go back up there to the definition of a novel and notice that the average published novel is 80k words long.
Let me repeat that:
The average length of a published novel is 80,000 words long.
Could a novel go longer? Sure! And if you're dipping into adult sci-fi or fantasy, absolutely it will be longer! But does your fic need to be longer than the average novel in order to be good? In order for you to feel satisfied when you finish reading it? Why does the length of the fic matter more to you than the content?
idk just some rambling food for thought, but I guess too long, don't read:
~✨~ Every story length is valid ~✨~
It just depends on the plot you have and the structure you want to use to tell it.
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fujii-draws · 10 months ago
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OKAY! Chatot rant in tags below! Read at your own discretion.
#okay starting from the beginning of where ppl usually dislike him. apple woods chapter.#he doesn’t give hero/partner the CHANCE to explain themselves despite them being relatively good recruits up until that point.#and that legit might be my only gripe with that chapter bc!!! stories need conflict! I LIKE the conflict in apple woods!!!#hero and partner being punished so something they didn’t do!#the misunderstanding! how team skull (Skuntank) actually outplays the main duo with a clever yet rotten trick. I LOVE that it segways into-#one of the more sweeter scenes of guild members looking out for eachother. I LIKE APPLE WOODS CONFLICT.#but chatot just. not giving them a chance. is so dumb.#I’d personally fix this by having a lil montage of hero/partner fucking up on jobs. A LOT. and chatot giving them a pass every time.#and let the perfect apple incident BE the one where he puts his foot down and doesn’t listen to them. bc he’d given them loads of chances.#and doesn’t want to hear any excuse.#but yeah. I legit dont mind him during that chapter except for that really stupid and frustrating moment.#NOW. CHAPTER 17.#UGGGGHHH WHERE DO I BEGIN#Him not believing hero and Partner about Grovyle and the future being in ruin? FINE. ACTUALLY GOOD. BC CHATOT WOULD BE SKEPTIC.#IT FITS HIS CHARACTER!!#BUT WHAT DOES SUCK. IS HIM GOING ‘Dusknoir isn’t the bad guy. he didn’t do anything wrong’#WHEN HE LITERALLY KIDNAPPED HERO AND PARTNER RIGHT I N F R O N T OF HIM.#(​NO LITERALLY. HIS CHARACTER IS IN THE FRONT ROW WHEN IT HAPPENED.)#and him. having the GALL to tell hero and partner they must’ve been ‘seeing things’ and downplaying the HELL they went through.#despite them being missing for hours/days. his own guild recruits. and his angry sprite showing up.#like. I think that’s when I genuinely despised him.#that and him going ‘OH I BELIEVED YOU THE WHOLE TIME HEEHOO :)’ shit was so fucking annoying.#just playing it off as a joke the second the guild started to believe hero and partner.#IMAGINE IF HE W A S ACTUALLY TESTING THE GUILD’S TRUST. SHOWCASING HIM AS THE MORE RESPONSIBLE AND RESPECTFUL RIGHT HAND OF THE GUILD.#and yes. Brine cave he saves hero and partner. but at that point I just didn’t care anymore.#he fucked those two over so much. that I didn’t care what ‘valiant’ sacrifice he had.#and he grills Team Skull for what they did OFF SCREEN. they couldn’t even give us THAT.#<<< THAT or him outright saying sorry would’ve been nice. IKIK his ‘actions’ or whatever but.#eughh again this is all imo. I’m not trying to make people hate him or change their mind.#I’ll get into positives in the second post cause I’m running out of tags
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ohmigoshiloveu · 6 months ago
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Okay so like. I still haven't managed to get myself to finish episode 9, so I don't fully know how Theo's glow up finishes, but regardless I fucking love relistening to Emizel's section of episode 1 and like. Fuck man Theo does a lot of growing. Like he's a little bit pathetic at the beginning of the series. He's so, so brave during the alleyway fight, but he sounds shaky and scared and like a sopping wet pathetic baby the entire time. Charlie specifically describes him as not very alert, not a great fighter, and gives him this little moment where it takes him a second to manage to crush a soda can. He botches the check to beat Emizel in Smash Bros so there's a chance he sucks at the related skills (dexterity and computers I think?), but also after he loses Charlie specifically has him sound super frustrated and conclude that he should've 'stayed in his lane'. When Emizel says 'We'll do what we do best,' and Theo immediately responds with 'drink soda?' so fast that the other players notice it. Charlie might've had that as a predetermined character thing. Theo drinks soda. There's not much else to him.
Which creates this interesting dynamic between him and Emizel, because Emizel is so much better at him at all of these skills that the people around them (a FUCKING GANG) value. Emizel's perceptive, and agile, and strong, and a great fucking fighter irl and in videogames AND he always sounds badass. He's the top dog, the apex predator in their social circle. And I think that colors their relationship a lot? Like Theo has to look up to Emizel. I bet that Theo's looked up to Emizel since they first met, maybe Emizel came crashing into his life doing something epic and Theo thought it was the greatest shit ever.
On the flip side, I was getting a few hints of resentment? Hear me out! It's that 'should have just stayed in my lane' line. He's painfully aware how great Emizel is, compared to how much he's (from his perspective!) just a one trick pony. He's here to drink soda and say funny things, that's all most people want from him and he fucks up whenever he tries to do anything else!
And later in the segment Theo snarkily brings up a medicine check that Emizel had just fucked up in like this super backhanded, super passive aggressive way. That could be him wanting to rub Emizel's one singular fuck up in his face (especially because Theo was having a Moment about how he feels like people only see him as the soda guy, so any feelings of inadequacy would've been dialed up to eleven, so if there was any time for him to resent Emizel it'd be then), but it could also be that he was frustrated with Emizel being an ass (Emizel had just guessed that Theo's dream was to be a nurse, which was flat out wrong, and that's literally what set up the backhanded comment. Theo was saying something like 'thank fuck you don't wanna be a nurse cuz you sure fucked up with nursing that guy earlier.' It could also be that Emizel literally almost forgot Theo's name. Theo literally gave him the 'th' sound, it might've just been a bit Charlie was doing or it could've been Theo being AWARE that Emizel almost forgot his name. Or! It could be that in this moment, where Theo was confiding in Emizel about feeling like being the soda guy was all anyone ever saw in him, Emizel said something to the affect of 'well yeah Soda's the fun one.' Emizel doesn't think before he speaks and literally has a 1 in empathy. Just because he loves Theo doesn't mean he's not gonna blunder into being a complete and utter asshole to him. I'd hazard to say Emizel accidentally being an ass to people he cares about is a running theme).
But also all of that might come down to Charlie still getting the character down. Or, because I've theorized before that Theo might not've been supposed to survive the first Gabriel fight, the little hints of bitterness might've been intentional (even if they were completely improvved and Charlie didn't mean to add that to Theo's character) because Charlie was trying to shove as much character into this character before he was gone, but once it became clear that Theo was going to stick around longer he dropped it. As far as I remember, that bitterness is completely gone in all later interactions we see with Theo. OR! It could be that the bitterness drops because they've both got bigger fish to fry from that point onward, what with Theo's Shilo Incident TM, Emizel's vampirism, the Weylin twins. He doesn't have time to be bitter, he's too busy worrying about losing a cornerstone of his identity or helping his best friend adjust to being a fucking vampire now. And then after he learns to live without soda that basically negates his feelings of inadequacy- like, getting over the idea that he's nothing if he's not the soda guy would be required for him to give up on being the soda guy. And then Emizel would drift back into JUST being a guy to aspire to instead of also being a reminder of Theo's short comings, and then drift even further down into being 'guy who is actually going through it and has to overcome his own demons just like I had to overcome mine'. Like, I think we got to watch Theo slowly start to take Emizel off this pedestal in real time (he still definitely thinks Emizel's hot shit tho. Emizel's his boy, after all.)
Regardless, even if Theo did resent Emizel a little in the beginning, it's so fucking clearly overshadowed by how much he fucking loved him. And like, how could he not? Imagine you're Theo, critically low self esteem, and the literal coolest guy you know fucking LOVES you. Like, Emizel keeps consistently going out of his way to pull Theo up to his level and to treat him as an equal (mostly. Sometimes protectiveness bleeds through, like in his hypothetical fang scenario in ep 1 where he predicts there being five Fangs to fight and he says he can take three and Theo can take two (which in itself is still incredibly kind to Theo. Like, boy, you thought Theo was gonna be able to take out two whole guys? Hell no.) But that could also be chalked up to Emizel just being a cocky ass who wants to show off). Like dude, c'mon. Emizel might be a reminder of everything that Theo's not, but he's also probably Theo's biggest cheerleader. He wholeheartedly thought he was being supportive when he said he thought Theo'd make a great nurse! In all seriousness, though, even if it ultimately discourages him, Theo playing that Smash game against Emizel was at least a little bit of proof of him decidedly not 'staying in his lane,' and Emizel seems to inspire that! Later in that segment he challenges Theo to see which of them can break one of the Fangs kneecaps first! I bet Emizel challenged him to stupid competitions a lot, and that got Theo fired up and competitive in return!
And even when Emizel's not building Theo up, he's still giving Theo special attention, or readily receiving any attention Theo gives him. If nothing else, even at his lowest points that might've made Theo feel cool by association.
On Emizel's part, I think he's like, possibly completely oblivious to any turmoil Theo's going through? Like he thinks Theo's the shit and genuinely sees him as an equal. I'm 99% sure that Theo being his right hand man happened because Theo would've put himself into the role (in episode one before he gets all of his character development he's pretty much always looking to Emizel for what to do, and still more or less does whatever he says up to where I'm at in the series, with refusing to leave the alleyway being the only exception I remember). I think if Theo'd had higher self esteem or been less eager to defer to Emizel, Emizel would've happily gone about his business slotting Theo into more of a partner role. He tells Theo to run from that alleyway because Theo'd taken a fucking devastating hit and Emizel was sure he could handle himself, not because he knows Theo sucks at fighting. He tries to turn Theo into a cool vampire. He convinces Shilo that Theo'll be a valuable asset to raiding the Weylin warehouse and they take Theo with them instead of having him stay behind with the car like Grefgore, despite Theo being the one who actually knows how to drive. He tells Theo about being a vampire even though he keeps it a secret from everyone else, confides in Theo that 'yeah he might absolutely be susceptible to going into a frenzy like Shilo did.'
When you get down to it, Emizel pretty much tells Theo everything he would think is relevant, with two notable exceptions. Maybe three if you count him not telling Theo he has nine lives like a cat but tbh I think he might've just forgot. Or maybe he gets to it later, or maybe he did tell him and I forgot! idk man! But! Those other two things. First off, he like. Pointedly does not tell Theo that he's a prince. Like when they were doing the recap on the way to the Weylin warehouse, there's like. Charlie gives Condi an opening to say it, a little 'is there anything else?' and Emizel just. Doesn't. And the second one is that (at least where I'm at) Emizel never comes clean about bloodbonding Theo. Maybe it just hasn't come up yet, but still. It fits a pattern of Emizel not wanting to admit something that makes him, like, ABOVE Theo somehow. He sees Theo as an equal, and a precious one at that, he doesn't want things to get weird between them because he's literal royalty, and he doesn't want Theo's life to literally revolve around him like it would under a level three blood bond- and doesn't want to admit that he even considered it, even if he did it without really understanding what it was.
And Emizel backing off from ghoulifying Theo after Arthur explains what it actually entails kinda leads into a far more headcanon-y relationship analysis thing so um. Feel free to skip the next paragraph.
So! Like. Why the fuck was Emizel so attached to Theo being Soda. Like he gets over it decently quick, cuz that's his buddy and it's what Theo wants, so like. Whatever. But like, if I'm right about Theo always looking up to Emizel from the moment they met, there might've been some wiggle room between when they first became friends and when Theo became Soda. And like, before Theo became Soda, being Emizel's buddy would probably be the only thing he'd feel he had going for him? Which would've made it even harder for Emizel to get them both on equal footing, and I think that's just... really unappealing to him. Like! Don't get me wrong, I'm sure Emizel loves having people kiss up to him and respect him and blah blah blah, I just think Theo being his boy and Emizel treating him like a partner go hand in hand. Either they weren't best friends yet or Emizel was just. Kind of uncomfortable and eager to push Theo into growing into something more than a hypeman. And then the soda incident occurs, and it gives Theo SOMETHING to define himself by, something people like him and know him for that's got nothing to do with Emizel, and maybe the initial soda incident was bad, but having that sense of identity and falling into what kind've feels like a class clown kinda role might've helped get Theo over his self esteem issues long enough for Emizel to go 'oh you're actually super cool. sweet.' and then blah blah blah they get super close like they are in canon. And then whenever Theo seems like he's backsliding into what he was before the soda incident, Emizel tries to course correct not because he doesn't think Theo's any fun without soda, but because he's made the mental connection that Soda without soda turns into less of a best friend and more of a follower, which as stated before he probably really doesn't want from Theo specifically. but idk. pure conjecture here.
Anyways, above all else, Theo's important to Emizel. I really, really like the idea that Theo was supposed to be like a brother to him (which. Again pointing at my 'Theo was supposed to die in episode 1' theory, can you IMAGINE the angst Emizel could've had about that? Lose one brother and then someone else claiming to be your brother shows up? It would've felt like some hellish, not-worth-it trade. Like a betrayal, like accepting Shilo might mean replacing Theo, and how could he ever?)
And Emizel's important to Theo! But unlike Emizel (who I'm 99% sure is gonna have some kinda moment with Theo but I genuinely cannot see him loving Theo in any other way than the way he does now), Theo has the bonus of having his view of Emizel have a clear trajectory to evolve over the course of the campaign. Like I said, he seems to be getting more confidence in himself and like, not gonna get into the stuff I've had spoiled beyond episode 9 but it seems like Theo's gonna get a lot more comfortable being a proper leader and not just a number two. He's gonna have an easier time seeing Emizel as an equal, and I think that's fucking awesome!
I could be completely off base, but if I never watch another episode then I'll never be proven wrong. So. Ya know.
#jrwi the suckening#emizel tucker#jrwi emizel tucker#jrwi soda#jrwi theo collins#theo collins#suckening thoughts#fizzfangs#jrwi the suckening spoilers#I also personally headcanon that Theo might've been like the first person to think Emizel was cool. Like. okay hang on.#I think Emizel didnt get a lot of attention growing up and learned to act out to get peoples eyes on him. Which fixed the first issue but#created a new one where all attention he got was negative attention#and then younger Theo who still feels painfully mediocre (in a way that TOTALLY wouldnt tie into him being neurodivergent adhd in canon)#and Theos getting negative attention without even trying. maybe its because his grades suck. Maybe he gets distracted or fidgety and gets#detention from being disruptive or for being accidentally disrespectful and Emizels also in detention because he blew up all the school#toilets and flooded the building. and more importantly Emizel is EMBRACING the negative attention that Theo cant seem to avoid#And it makes Emizel seem really fucking cool and Theo thinks hes really fucking epic and starts following him around and hyping him up#and then its genuinely the most positive attention Emizels ever gotten and he fucking eats it up. it pushes him to show off and go bigger#and it also gets Theo a very very special place in Emizel's heart. its just that Theo being kinda mediocre makes it really hard to hype#him up back the same way. Except- ya know- Theo fucking loves soda so Emizel can insta-win at positive social interaction if he keeps soda#on him#its like one of those kids who give out candy because they dont know how to make friends#Emizel give Theo soda because he genuinely doesn't have a frame of reference for a wholey positive relationship yet#and then whatever the soda incident is kinda just solidifies it. He's his boy Soda! Soda's his thing! Emizel loves him so much!#idk man this is all headcanon territory im just going insane am i even making sense rn#goddammit this might age like milk i have GOT to finish the suckening so i can brainrot properly
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dailykugisaki · 3 months ago
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Day 347 | id in alt
Kugisaki hasn't been around Gojo enough to gaf about him LMAO.
#dailykugisaki#jjk#kugisaki nobara#shoko ieri#okay rant time yall#i know some folkos might be mad that i make it seem like shoko is a wet fucking rag which she kinda is kinda isn't#shes clearly capable in her area although in a very she's using what she knows in a different way than shes used to#Shoko unfortunately was EXTREMELY dependent on Gojo's decisions and i hate gege for showing that#most of her actions included gojo in some degree which unfortunately made the decisions in which she needed to say things#she made those decisions based around what gojo would do#letting getos body go uncremated letting gojo killed geto himself ect ect#she didn't involve herself because gojo was gonna do it anyway and i think that mentally effected her bad#so turned herself into her work. somebody that deals with corpses becoming a single minded corpse herself. funny aint it#she has jokes but she isn't very used to having somebody focused on her for a decision she made#because Okkotsu didn't even fucking say a thing about her when his ass came back so i think it would be funny if Kugisaki kinda loathed her#like yes Shoko. your decisions effect others that arnt Gojo did you get jumpscared and then shoved back into reality? i hope you did#she dosent speak. words arnt really her thing where actions mostly are.#so shes trying to do things that help and thats funny because shes kinda ass at it#like helping burying somebody and like preparing for the worst after you fucked somebody over#shoko i see you#also girl why is the only version of self care you have ever done FLINGING YOUR FUCKING CIGARETTE AWAY#why is that your only version of self care and not getting over your damn alcoholism. weirdoooo#Kugisaki using herself as a frame of reference for bad shit. girl i see you LOL#hope that Shoko shit makes sense because she definitely does shit. she knows what she's doin#but before gojo died. well gojo was sort of like a fucked up version of a higher up for her idk#Shoko isn't a pushover. Kugisaki is just mad as hell.#shoko is an asshole that sucks at walking forward but she hurts while healing too so...girl what the fuck#she cant do much or anything with the kids except heal them in a way that dosent quite matter anymore
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lacnunga · 5 months ago
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In the wake of the IA situation, I've seen a lot more posts circulating about using your local library and I just. Sigh
#i dont know whether these people are thinking of Big City libraries#or their local is the most well stocked most accommodating library known to man#but my library consists of mostly kids books and ww2 skinned romance lites and james patterson thrillers#if youre lucky theres some pop history books on the tiny shelf in the back#oh also the opening times? 0930 to 1700 of course. yknow. when most ppl are at work :)#oh except sunday. when were just closed ;)#trying to get the library to bring in a specific book? sorry that'll be nine months and we'll send it to the library#in booksbury-upon-tyne which will cost you a £30 round train ticket (if the trains are running ;)) and a three hour journey#(cause were swr and life is a fucking nightmare)#im not doing that for a book im not even sure will be relevant to what im looking for yknow#i guess what im saying is that while i love the concept of libraries#they havent really evolved with the times. theyve been what theyve been for a millenia#and the intellectual value they were built to provide hasnt kept up with the funds theyre actually allocated#now i will say these are kinda complaints specific to me cause im not the biggest fiction reader#and if i am theyre mainly classics so my gripe is more with the proviso of non fiction books#and the variety of them which is incredibly narrow#and i dont drive so the intersection of this with the hellscape that is south englands public transport network also sucks dick and balls#like i realise the library provides a lot of necessary resources for older people and kids and those without internet access etc.#but that does leave a large swathe of people with little to no reason or time to visit the library yknow.#i dont blame the library workers of course but i also dont think its the visitors (customers?) fault#that there isnt a great incentive for them to visit#especially since i have found most of my fave nonfiction books in second hand stores#which would have either cost £80 new or would have been locked ina university library out of reach of the common folk#whatever. ramble ramble yada yada. ev complains again whats new
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chilapis · 9 months ago
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if you’ve ever been mean to the sweet little girl that is paimon i will kill you. i pray for public interest that this is common knowledge.
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pronounrespector · 3 days ago
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Who else up thinking about how one day they are inevitably going to disappoint their mother to no return
#i wish i was comfortable enough to talk to her about being trans as much as I was comfortable enough to talk to her about being bi when-#-I was 12#Now years later I'm terrified of even bringing up the subject because of how far right she's gotten#when I came out to her as bi we were moving and sitting on our bare livingroom floor watching one of her reality tv shows#And on the show they were hosting a pride event and she was talking about how she wanted to be one of those moms who give out free hugs-#-to gay people who weren't accepted by their parents#And when she went on about how it was horrible how some people treated their children after they came out to them#And I turned to her and said “what if I was gay?”#And it was so easy back then I'll never forget it#Because i was confident my parents would still love me if I loved a girl#Its so different now#I told her that I think I might be trans when I was almost 13 and the rest of that year was so shit and now it's complicated#Me and her would have these conversations about how i felt at least once if not twice a week#Which doesn't sound like a lot and it wasn't at first but it became so fucking mentally draining after a while#I really wish I listened to my older brother and figured myself out a little before I came out to her#And with her quite literally watching fox news 24/7 I think that when I finally work up the courage to talk to her and my dad about the-#Fact I'm trans it's going to fuck up our relationship forever#Which sucks because now we have inside jokes with each other#And we never fight and we do little things for each other that will make the other's day better cause with my dad and older brother-#-Almost always working it's kind of just us in the house except for my little siblings#And it hurts because I think I know my mom now but I don't think she will want to know the real me.#Because I have avoided talking about my gender or sexuality or anything related to the queer community with her for years#And i think that now she thinks she just has a bisexual daughter and I don't know what to fucking do with that#I almost want to do what I did when I came out to her as bi and say “what if that was me” when fox news brings up a new trans person to-#-ridicule and she agrees with them#Ive almost done it before but the way she was talking about a trans man in a crop top and blatantly misgendering him-#-infront of me had me on the verge of fucking tears and I was so angry and didn't want her to see me cry#Sorry for rambling it just hurts#beep booping#i want to find it in case i want to delete it
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hballegro · 4 months ago
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highly recommend livetweeting things you watch to your friends or family because then you get shit like
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burningcomputerpersona · 1 month ago
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second night of not being able to fall asleep since the new semester started. now im remembering why i stopped taking my adhd meds
#look im a fan of staying up late when it's done voluntarily but this is NOT voluntary#i need to get actual sleep bc i need to actually use my brain for school shit tomorrow and i only got like 2 hours of sleep last night#does my body care about that tho? noooo absolutely not no sleep for you for the rest of your life#even the benadryl isn't working anymore and I've already had 150mg#i need one of those chloroform soaked rags they use in movies when knocking someone out to kidnap them#just. im not fucking doing anything. this would be a much better use of my time if i used it to actually do shit like homework#but nooo i was too tired and wanted to go to sleep early but the sleep never came and the task is firmly stuck in tomorrow mode#and i don't even wanna do the tasks bc i never wanna do anything ever except when i take my adhd meds#but when i do take the meds i can't fall asleep. fucking fantastic#in the words of laura jane grace: i need a week long cocaine binge#wait that would probably make my sleeplessness worse tho nevermind#just. i thought this shit was supposed to be addictive. i just keep not wanting to take them#like the opposite of compulsive redosing or something#ugh ykw maybe i should just try fighting fire with fire#just keep going with the meds to see how long it takes until the lack of sleep is enough to overpower the insomnia#maybe i just need to be harder on myself. stop thinking about what i do or don't want#bc i keep getting stuck in this cycle where i try to find a way to convince myself why i should do a task#but end up only thinking of how i absolutely do not want to do the task#and decide to try being more constructive by asking myself what i do want#only to find that the one single thing i want is just to Not#and coming to the inevitable conclusion that i really just need to kill myself#except that's also a task i need to do that takes energy and i don't rlly wanna do that either so that's one bright side ig#ugh i hate this i hate complaining like if you don't like something abt the situation then fucking do something about it or suck it up#and here i am. doing neither.#i swear i need to be put down like a dog. where's that post abt getting into puppy play so you can be euthanized#welp. i guess it's a good thing i got a therapist before the semester started. he's gonna be in for a shock#mine#vent
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skeletalheartattack · 1 year ago
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Favourite personal weapon?
(you CANNOT say battleaxe!)
probably scythe. like i know it's not really good at all for like. combat. but like look at that shit. pretty dope blade while i hold the stick. sooo cool.
#ask#anon#im not sure anything else really compares. i dont honestly think about real life weapons that much really that said.#not without being like. shotgun. or double barreled shotgun. atleast if were restricted to melee combat here.#most games i tend to play shotgun a lot#except tf2 recently where ive been shooting pee darts and donking folks with cannon balls#granted. i range from class to class with no real like... goal? whatever fits the situation and that im confident in.#like i like playing soda popper milk fan o war scout a lot. i like playing pee sniper w/ shahanshah.#for demo i tend to always go loose cannon scottish resistance scottish handshake#scottish resistance cause i like coating a battlefield with stickies and just doing my best to detonate them when i think its important to#fucking hate sticky spamming btw. valve had the right idea nerfing that shit when they did. yknow. before they reverted it.#those things should be doing 60 damage when spammed... and like can do 144 after like a second or two or whatever#that way it punishes spamming and rewards using them as traps#but then the people who have sticky stranges would get mad or whatever. idk. its weird to me that valve reverted the nerf somewhat#it does a lot of damage and you dont gotta even hit the enemy directly with the projectile. so its an easy weapon.#idk.#for heavy i dont have a real loadout im happy with. i tend to go brass beast family business and eviction notice#ik tomislav is like the best overall minigun but. idk.#eviction notice really sucks but once someones pestering me up close i really like to chase them down while punching them#since most of the 9 classes cant get out of range. ive managed to do it a bunch despite how much i dont like the weapon.#like. i wish it didnt have the max health drain. id prefer if like. i couldnt be overhealed if i had them equipped.#the slight speed increase is. okay. paired with the increase in speed when hitting a player.#though if it was simplified. id add those two stats together for the on hit attribute.#so like... less damage. faster swing speed. faster movement when hitting an enemy for a second. and no overheal when equipped.#instead of it just being a weirder worse gru.#that way its just about punishing players who get too close. and makes you weaker if youve got a medic. since you cant be overhealed.#soldier... i just use rocket launcher/black box panic attack and whip. nothing really unique about my playstyle with him.#engineer. panic attack pistol gunslinger or jag.#im no good with the widowmaker and i like having 6 shots so id rather not use the frontier justice.#anyway im at the tag limit. thank you for the ask anon!!!
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My heart is beating so hard I’m so pissed about Everything rn
#you see there was really no one my age in our neighborhood#There were kids slightly older than me or slightly younger than me#And for some reason a lot of teen girls and little boys#so my siblings both got on fine. Her with the slightly older kids him with the boys#and I was just kind of stuck in the middle#always#now. I am a middle child. My whole deal is being stuck in the middle#so I was used to it#But like it does suck#I never really had any friends except this one boy that everyone accused me of being in love with#and like he’s a good kid but we never shared any interests so it was hard to hang out past kindergarten#(Yes we were already accused of being bf/gf at 3 years old yes that’s fucked up and I hated it with my entire being)#so I didn’t have friends save for him in school#I didn’t get along very well with my sister because she was very very bossy when playing so I had to do exactly what she said#(or get yelled at)#I had the choice between hanging out with like. Girl that only lives here every second weekend. Snippy girl that was chronically ill.#older girl that’s okay and friends with older girl that hates my guts#The Twins™️ (their mom didn’t like me and their dad made me deeply uncomfortable. He turned out to be physically abusive.)#and those two neighbours#which you guessed it lead to the aforementioned teaming up and me being stuck with the kid my mom now thinks is like my best friend or smt#so I had the choice between that or my mom inviting people I didn’t know that I didn’t want to play with or playing alone#and that’s just how I lived until I was ten#which is when we moved and I started secondary and OH MY GOD I COULD HAVE FRIENDS?? WHO COULDVE GUESSED#og
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years ago
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#the closer i get to moving the more i dont wanna do annnnnnything#i just wanna pack everything and then leave. ive packed half my stuff. tsken down all my posters#but i still have like 10 days left ugh. time needs to move faster 😩#i dont wanna work tho bleh. and i fucking agreed to do some extra stuff#so now i have to fucking get all my data together. analyze a million pictures with this weird software and upload a million pics from like#at least 2 or 3 past projects. and i have to name those. except i dont want to name them all fuck that#i am not going to have time. it will take literally days. get a fucking undergrad to do it i have better things to do with my time#ugh. im just mad bc its hot and my joints r swollen and my abductor is irritated so i have to take it easy#fuck that. i hate it. bleh i wanna draw. but there r other things i should do#im such a slacker now. and by slacker i mean im working normal hours and goofing off the rest of the time#and by goofing off i mean drawing and packing and reading#god. when the semester starts its gonna b insane bc theres no way ill b done with work stuff so ill have to start my phd while double timin#on paper writing. its gonna fucking suck. which is y i shoulf b working rn so i dont have to do that so much#but again. i dont wanna work. i just wanna lay here and track my heart palpitations. its fine. im just in transition which is really#fucking annoying >:-(#unrelated#also i wanna rewatch p4cific rim but its not on any of my streaming services anymore >:-(((
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gibbearish · 1 year ago
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dont starve is kicking my ass btw
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katierosefun · 2 years ago
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ooo oooooo it’s going to be one of those tiring days!
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synthetic-sonata · 2 years ago
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it is a good day to not know anything about smps
#aria talkz#yea i know not everyone in dsmp sucks. i still hate dsmp and smps and how it fucked the minecraft rp community forever with its structure#alas.#anyways i just see block people in trans character polls and im like... yea sure if the character and the creator of them r trans ig but#Are they really gunna win against frisk undertale anyways#Or the knight from hollowknight#Or canonical / heavily headcanoned trans characters#idk i dislike when theres clear character bias due to ppls followerbase like#to have a bunch of characters from a specific series shoved into a poll that theyre going to have bias for bc the blogger who made the poll#likes it a lot to the point where they themselves get weirdly upset when ppl dont vote for the mcyters#i dont know these ppl nor give a fuck!#and even if they do win its like that shit is Noooot deserved. they are not as much as a cultural icon as canon trans characters#Like yes they can make ppl figure out their identity. Thats cool! But u rlly have to factor in that shit#I am not voting for a random white mcyters OC insert over Birdo or Frisk or The Knight or anything. Sorry not sorry#ESPECIALLY IF THE CHARACTER AND CONTENT CREATOR *ARENT EVEN TRANS*...#like yes cis people can play trans characters. but it is very subjective if they can do it well. Or should. As opposed to like actual trans#people who can do it much better and need those roles more...#i also am p sure most of the options there are just widely regarded as fandom headcanons for oc self insert white mcyter no. 50#except the actual trans ccs in mcyt like ranboo or w/e. thats fine.#and yes i know theyre characters. but its so odd to have what is essentially a self insert with a few layers removed. theres obviously like#a level of personal-ness there. i know how it is!! i used to fucking rp a semi-self insert minecraft character it is HARD to NOT project!!#blablabla my experiences arent universal but idk itsj ust always struck me as odd.#it sucks bc the whole idea around minecraft rps is fun but minecraft rp is tainted for me eternally by smps and past friendgroups.#( both of which did not really account for my needs since i cant rlly play minecraft survival well bc of triggers but then like#only played minecraft and excluded me from a lot )#so w/e
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