#except I bailed in the middle of my time trial instead of just not doing it

[rulesforthedance]

Pulled a Gary Robbins on my #runninggoals, lads

[onebizarrekai]

undeniable proof that shuichi and kokichi were gay in v3

prepare yourself for the most big brain thing that has ever bigged your brain

chapter 1

shuichi saihara spends this chapter following kaede around because they were just trapped in a godforsaken killing game and everything seems to suck. when faced with a situation such as this, the natural inclination is to either find someone to latch onto or to distrust and stick to oneself. shuichi does the former because he is a twiggy little man who would probably die in a fight before anyone even attacked him.

what is kokichi doing in this chapter? sticking to himself? stalking someone? that is the real question. nobody knows what he is doing because he is not the protagonist and not the obligatory party companion. however, since v3 follows a theme of fiction, it is totally logical to believe that some system must be in place, but kokichi is not bound by such a system because kokichi represents anarchy.

he does not stick with another for all to see, nor does he remain alone. alas, he searches for a secret companion and has not found one yet. who shall he find? shall he find any? the truth is, he gravitates towards shuichi. it’s supposed to be in secret, but there is a way in the game to see what really happened.

if you speak to tsumugi right before everyone is asked to gather at the cafeteria a second time, she mentions sonic the hedgehog. kokichi runs by, saying “got to go fast”. this means that kokichi has either played sonic the hedgehog or is at least well-versed in sonic memes. if you get this dialogue, and only if you get it, later, kokichi makes another sonic reference, saying “faker? I think you’re the fake hedgehog around here!” while he confuses everyone, the dialogue makes the odd choice of stopping on shuichi, even though the dialogue box only includes “…” and nothing else.

chapter 2

if you have unlocked tsumugi’s sonic dialogue and go to the monomono machine, you now have a 5% chance of getting sonic merchandise. if you give this merchandise to kokichi, you get some interesting dialogue. he says “wow, shuichi! how did you know that I grew up playing sonic and that it’s my absolute favorite video game series of all time?” this immediately maxes out all 5 of his friendship fragments, and you can get all 5 of his hangouts without giving him any more presents. you’re probably wondering why this is important, but you will see.

as kaede is now dead, shuichi finds himself horribly alone. while kaito is there and starts calling him his sidekick, the force of protagonist syndrome has caused shuichi to gain the courage to hang out with anyone, including kokichi of course. I don’t need to talk about kokichi’s hangouts. they literally end with “I stole your heart, so now I’m satisfied!” and it doesn’t get gayer than that.

or does it?

if you investigate the bathroom part of ryoma’s lab during this chapter and click on a very specific spot in order to enter one of the stalls, you can click on the toilet 5 times and shuichi will lie down on the floor. while it’s to investigate the underside of the toilet, and there is nothing to be found, the words “kokichi was here” are written on the ceiling above the stall. if you’ve already hung out with kokichi at least once in this chapter, shuichi will sigh and wonder what kokichi is doing right now.

if you’ve given kokichi the sonic merchandise, and you reach kokichi’s final free time event in this chapter, he will actually question shuichi after he finishes bandaging kokichi’s finger up, briefly commenting on how shuichi managed to get close to him so quickly and asking him “what his trick is”. he says “you must like me a whole lot, shuichi. I hope you don’t bail on me after this.” word for word, literally just hear me out.

“kokichi places his warm hand on mine, and I feel like he’s prying much deeper than he usually does.”

“I didn’t think that was possible…”

chapter 3

little did you know, giving kokichi the sonic merchandise unlocked a bonus hangout. yes, you heard me right. a WHOLE bonus hangout. you can hang out with him again whenever you want in this chapter. kokichi only says “good to see you.” you can select yes or no.

the screen will fade to black.

you have used up a free time.

if you have reached this hidden part of kokichi’s relationship sequence, random dialogue that isn’t in the normal game starts getting sprinkled in, as well as certain easter eggs. when angie starts her whole shtick, since you’ve already hung out with kokichi 5 times, there are a few things he has to say straight up, like how he’s going to teach shuichi about cults so shuichi doesn’t accidentally join the student council.

chapter 4

now that you’ve finally reached chapter 4 and activated the secret kokichi pathway, you get a hidden scene, much like the others that are triggered by having specific items in your inventory. in the middle of the night, kokichi breaks into shuichi’s room and shakes him awake, telling him that someone stole his almond milk.

shuichi tells kokichi to shut up and rolls over.

fun fact, if you get the hangout with miu where she checks whether shuichi is a virgin, she does, in fact, say “ha, I can’t believe this!” and if you zoom in the window behind her, you can barely make out kokichi’s face. peering in. watching you. if you click on him at any point during this hangout, you will hear a voice clip of kokichi’s laugh and shuichi will internally respond to miu’s dialogue differently. he will think “miu is the last person I need to know about this…”

in this sonic dialogue route, shuichi responds slightly differently to kokichi revealing that he is the mastermind. although his dialogue is mostly the same, he counts approximately 22 extra crying sprites, implied to be caused by additional heartbreak.

chapter 5-6

these chapters play out mostly the same way until the very end, the only exception being when you’re investigating kokichi’s lab. if you click on kokichi’s throne 13 times, one of the bookshelves will slide out of the way to reveal a hidden bathroom. there is an envelope taped to the wall that says “for my beloved detective, who habitually smacks things over and over.” it says “if you’re reading this, I’m probably dead. or am I? wouldn’t you like to know? nishishi.” shuichi comments about the fact that kokichi literally wrote that stupid laugh out, only to start crying again.

make sure that you have kind lie equipped as one of your skills before you start the final trial.

if you’ve done everything exactly according to plan up to this point, the ending is different.

tsumugi decides to show kokichi’s audition tape instead of kaede’s. he says “I’d love to be a part of danganronpa! I can finally be a bad guy without being scared!” but then kokichi looks directly at the camera. he says “naw, just messing with you. guess who?”

the screen cracks.

kokichi has suddenly entered the scene of the trial. tsumugi looks horrified. her wig falls off. everyone is at a loss for words. suddenly the screens and lights around them start to black out until everyone is left in almost complete darkness.

shuichi finally asks kokichi how he’s alive. he’s like, “you DIED” and kokichi is like “or did I? it’s the grand finale, shuichi! I owe you the truth this one time, because you’re my favorite.” everyone listens intently. “you see, by observing your irrational actions, almost like that of a main character… I was able to conclude that we exist in a fictional world that plays by certain rules. but we all been knew, didn’t we? not quite! someone forgot to test for exploits.” himiko just goes like “what the fuck you smokin?” and kokichi just laughs. “my self awareness has given me more power than you can possibly imagine! let’s just say I learned where the hit boxes are broken and installed a few cheat codes in the meantime!”

“no… that’s impossible! this isn’t supposed to be part of the ending at all!” tsumugi doesn’t like that one bit. she just kinda breaks down crying. shuichi isn’t paying attention to her though. he had accepted oblivion only to be greeted with kokichi being alive. as annoying as kokichi is, they are hopelessly in love. maki is a little disturbed.

after passionately reuniting with shuichi, kokichi says the thing. “this world is mine now, tsumugi! you got nothin on this! it’s time to say goodbye to this trash dump and create a new reality!” tsumugi just kinda goes like “noooo!!!”

everything goes black. shuichi has a vision about entering creative mode. kokichi has opped him. they take hands. “let’s create someplace way more fun.” maki and himiko and keebo look at each other because they’re floating in the background and watching this happen even though it’s supposed to be an internal vision. the screen goes white.

shuichi graces us with some internal protagonist dialogue about how he doesn’t really understand what’s happening anymore or what’s waiting for them outside of this world, but he thinks that things might turn out ok.

after unlocking this ending, you unlock a super secret video that you can view from the main menu. it’s a fully animated video of kokichi and dice dancing to world is mine. this is what they spent all their budget on

[koteosa]

here’s some modern au headcanons for the arcana ... it’s something I think about a lot

Asra

gamer memeing shitlord . he majored in minecraft you cannot convince me otherwise

plays A Lot of minecraft but also just enjoys any similar sort of game, sdv, animal crossing, etc. He’s really good at video games but he’s just fucking around . he likes to play online games and try his best to make everyone hate him in a really harmless sort of way . he heals the enemy spy . changes his display name and avatar to be exactly the same as someone else . tells people to go into the console and type unbindall

he plays games with his friends and he’s usually the top player so he just spends his time spoiling the shit out of his friends giving them good items carrying them through dungeons etc but not Julian, he tells Julian to dig straight down in minecraft . Julian doesn’t ever know what he’s doing in any video game so Asra trains him wrong on purpose, as a joke

anyway enough about video games (for now)

Asra lives in a van that he painted the exterior of himself, it was both a fun project and a very smug way to annoy people with this awful fucking hippie van strolling into town, eat shit

it’s decorated with crystals, furs, fairy lights, mason jars full of food For The Aesthetic, books, etc. It’s very cozy, cottagecore / bohemian and it’s ridiculously obvious that he’s into witchcraft. he just lets Faust explore because this isn’t real and I can pretend that a snake is exactly as well behaved as in a fantasy story

basically homeless by choice

drugs tw but I see him as the type to want to try anything and everything at least once so if he’s ever been offered A Drug (and he crashes parties for fun and for free food, so he’s got opportunities) he’ll try it Just To See, and this has resulted in some bad trips before, but Muriel saw him in the middle of one and then after he sobered up Muriel put his foot down and made Asra agree to only do these things as responsibly as possible, like, with supervision from a friend

still drugs tw but I also see Asra as a stoner but in the cbd edibles sort of way, a lot of this is because I headcanon Asra as having ADD (because I do and I want to project a little bit) so it helps him focus but also he just Likes It. the glove box of his car has like, chocolate/lollipop edibles stuff like that

goes between like super healthy elaborate meals with mushrooms and veggies and fresh meat and shit and then just eating nothing but cheez-its all day

style wise I see him as the type to wear a lot of tank tops, like, the loosest of tank tops so it hangs super low and long and you get some nice cleavage out of it, crystal necklaces, gold jewelry, pride pins/jewelry/etc (trans/nonbinary/bisexual flags), oversized hoodies with loud colorful patterns, joggers and other loose comfy pants, and either boots or slippers

he’s got like... the at home look that’s basically what I just described, and then the away from home look that’s got thirty layers and none of it makes sense and he just shows up in orange crocs With Patterned Socks and everyone who sees him just lets out the heaviest sigh

Asra getting home be like (takes off a layer of clothes) (takes off a layer of clothes) (takes off a layer of clothes) (takes off a layer of clothes) (takes off a l

He likes to go on long road trips completely at random and saves up money to go on more extensive trips like, out of the continent. It can be really hard to place him at any given time, especially because he’s extremely slow to respond to texts for a whole multitude of reasons. He just fucking vanishes sometimes and he doesn’t get that maybe people want to know where he is. He’s too solitary

He makes money either via street performances (magic, tarot readings, etc) or selling shit on etsy like handmade tarot decks, crystal necklaces, magic charms, etc. He Has Never Worked A Day In His Life and He Will Not Start Now

Responsibility? Don’t know her

People ask him really obnoxious questions sometimes and he makes outlandish lies to tell them for fun . Why do you live in a van? A house killed my parents

In the fall/winter he lives with Muriel or more to the point, he crashes on his couch for a really long time and Muriel’s landlord doesn’t need to know about it for rent purposes

Julian

he’s a highly paid doctor and your mother would love it if you’d marry him if not for the fact that he looks like he never left his teenage emo phase

PIERCINGS

There’s DEFINITELY at least one piercing on his d

he lives with Portia and Mazelinka and tries to handle all their expenses but Mazelinka won’t fucking let him

soundproofed his room but not because he’s a youtuber or anything but because he uh. y’know what I’m gonna let y’all figure this one out on your own

goes to like............. lgbt friendly bdsm clubs every now and then looking for someone to step on him and call him garbage it’s for his mental health you don’t understand

black turtlenecks . silver jewelry . distinguished but Edgy as well, black boots, winklepickers, doc martens, ohmygod this is my SHIT I’m giving him red plaid pants and a reversed cross necklace and a leather jacket that says some radical shit on the back and Lots of Rings . black jeans with tears in the knees and black eyeshadow, demonia boots, leather gloves, hhhhhhOHmy GOD

catch him at home in black leggings and a my chemical romance tshirt with holes in it . he wakes up in the morning with yesterday’s makeup and he just cleans it up a little and that’s good enough

fairly small bedroom because he’s usually never at home, but it’s still pretty clear what he’s into even if it’s not super decorated or elaborate, kind of just Default Room but with his stuff arranged throughout . band posters, black furniture, a bed that looks like a depressed vampire sleeps in it, a bookshelf but most of the books are scattered around his desk, bed, and the floor. there’s a taxidermy skull on display somewhere because it’s just so dramatic you gotta love it

plays a black electric violin

extremely out of tune with pop culture he still listens to 70-00s music and he doesn’t know what a minecraft is or why Asra keeps yelling CREEPER when he comes into the room nor why Portia yells back AW MAN

I googled it and he qualifies as a millennial but I still see him as such a fucking old man who doesn’t know how to use electronics

despite being a doctor he’s so unhealthy . he eats nothing but depression meals (or just, nothing) unless someone forces him to sit down and eat an actual meal . No Julian whiskey does not count for your daily water intake

Malak probably happened because Julian wouldn’t stop feeding every black bird he saw just for the aesthetic and that was like 17 years ago but they still show up at his window expecting almonds or whatever the fuck . he changes houses but they’re too smart . you try to be a cool gothic thespian with a raven that will pose on your arm ONE time when you’re a teenager and they just never stop coming

sad lonely no friends hasn’t been laid in six years because he’s too busy and no longer remembers how to form meaningful relationships. Portia keeps being like so I met this really hot (insert gender here) and like idk I think they’re into goth dudes............... just saying...................... and he’s like am I really so pathetic that I’m going to let my baby sister set up blind dates for me? Yes

would drive something very goth like a hearse or some shit if not for the fact that his family would make sure he ends up in a coffin in the back of it if he drove up in that shit . please . buy a normal fucking car . Julian . oh my god

he starts quoting melodramatic poetry at the slightest inconvenience . he is that “All you did was betray me as I lay sick and festering. You are the definition of dread. My cat stole my fucking garlic bread” meme

been arrested multiple times for general rowdiness but also for political activism . at this point Portia/Mazelinka will just sigh and pay his bail and they don’t even ask what he did this time . how does he still have a job? I wish I knew

theater kid

Muriel

lives in a rundown apartment in the shitty part of town because it’s all he can afford, it’s quiet, and no one will try to visit him (except Asra) because no one wants to go to THAT part of town . but no harm will likely ever befall him because he’s 6′10 and like three million pounds of raw muscle with battle scars like you gonna fuck with that? really?

even if he got robbed it wouldn’t matter because A) he doesn’t own anything B) Inanna will chase the thief away

depression man staying in his quiet rundown dark apartment distracting himself with idle hobbies and taking care of his dog to prevent the encroaching ennui from tearing him a new asshole

changes jobs frequently both because he never stands out therefore never gets taken on full time after the part time trial period, AND to protect himself from the horror of being known

works mostly things like construction, auto repair, dog sitting/walking/etc, woodworking, mostly hard labor but if he can convince granny to let a very scary but completely harmless man look after her bichon frise for the weekend then he’s pretty happy about that

in a similar manner, he orders everything online so cashiers/etc won’t start to recognize him. delivery workers leave everything outside his door and he just drags it inside after they leave like an itazura kitty coin bank

goes camping a lot because staying cooped up in his apartment is super bad for his mental health and he doesn’t like to take walks through the city for a multitude of reasons. he takes Inanna on walks through the woods instead

Asra is his only friend and that’s fine (it’s not fine)

convinced therapy doesn’t work and he wants nothing to do with it

doesn’t like using electronics and only keeps a few things around his house so Asra can use them when he’s around . Muriel has a phone (that Asra got for him) so he can text Asra, check the time, check the weather, google questions, and like, nothing else

pretty much only happy when something is about dogs. he wants to go to the pet store and look at the dogs but he needs Asra to go with him so Asra can distract the workers and Muriel can look at the puppies in peace

dresses in blacks, grays, greens, and browns for the most part, jacket with the hood up, tank tops, dark jeans with tears in them, brown boots with mud stains on them . functional, not particularly stylish, and if he’s going to be in public he doesn’t want to make it easy for anyone to see his face. at home it’s mostly no shirt + sweatpants/joggers/etc. doesn’t accessorize or put in any real effort. he doesn’t care what he looks like (because he’s convinced he’s not much to look at anyway)

lives that super eco friendly life like Asra does but it’s more that he just feels comfortable living like he’s always on a camping trip

he doesn’t want to eat junk like Asra does but if Asra shows up with mcdonalds then well he can’t really say no

the type who uses something until he absolutely cannot use it anymore instead of just buying a new one

has never been to a doctor, dentist, etc Ever. the most he can do is take Inanna to the vet because he loves her so much

drives a very old pickup truck with like, chipped paint and mud stains. he’d take better care of it if only anything in life mattered

didn’t go to school

Portia

I like to think that she took on a groundskeeping job at Nadia’s very expensive large house and they fell in love and now Nadia pays for everything and Portia just spends her time gardening, playing with Pepi, and like idk running a vlogging/gaming youtube channel

200 videos of Pepi on her youtube channel with 4 million views each bare minimum . takes random videos of cats where she has to audio edit it to shit so you can’t hear her high pitched squeals of delight

minecraft let’s play part 30 where her, Asra, Nadia, and Julian play together and it’s extremely chaotic because Asra and Portia decide to gang up on Julian who does NOT know what he’s doing, and then Nadia surprises them all by not being the bigger person and instead tricking Julian into some elaborate trap where he steps on a trapdoor and falls 15 blocks into some lava and he looks up and all he sees is Nadia’s smug fucking avatar looking down at him

nightcore. it’s just not FAST enough

wears sweaters with cats on them. generally dresses in warm colors + brown/green, it’s like a very soft cozy look that you could go camping in or just generally be outside and get grass stains and whatnot. cute, functional

likes to make Julian do things for her like drive her places etc because like, he will. he always will

really likes social gatherings with her friends; sleepovers, beach trips, sitting at mcdonalds and pouring all their fries into a pile etc. tries to get Julian to go with her but he’s Just So BUSY. she makes fun of him and makes him drive her to it, then manages to convince him to stay

cottagecore aesthetic . she just thinks it’s so cute to have the little mason jars and decorate everything with leaves and flowers and BEES and whatnot . would love to live in a little cottage with a farm if she could

her room has a big cat tree in it . green wallpaper with yellow flowers. pressed flowers into books, an extremely cozy bed, fairy lights, it’s very farmy but also there’s a lot of electronics. she’s got a lot of 00s games, like, right in that ps2 sweet spot

nicknames all of her pokemon

she spoils the ever loving shit out of Pepi. She’s got a little cat harness and they go on walks through the park together

I don’t have a lot to say about the other two I Am Sorry

[prettywordsyouleft]

You Didn’t Let Me! - Part 3 (Seunggi)

Summary: It took you three guys to realise you had been running from love all along. When you finally meet up again at a university reunion, you weren’t prepared to answer the question of who you wanted most.

Pairing: Yoo Kihyun x Park Jinyoung x Lee Seunggi x reader

Genre: romance / angst / self-growth au

Warnings: three hot guys and y/n’s an idiot lol none

A/N: This was initially meant to be a oneshot for the Trick, No It’s My Treat dares. However, the storyline suited being broken up and so I have made it into a mini-series. I hope you enjoy!  

Prologue | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4

“Y/N, can you grab Hanseul?”

Turning to find the child the fellow daycare teacher called about, you dashed across the room and scooped the little girl up just as she began climbing the baby gate for the third time today. You tickled her stomach before placing her down with the other toddlers, interesting her in some finger painting.

Seunggi grinned at you. “We make a great team.”

“Hardly, it was your watchful eye that caught our little escape artist. I was too focused on helping Minhee with his counting.”

Things at the nursery were always hectic. You started early and managed ages 1–2. Although Seunggi was always there to back you up and vice versa, some days you felt as if you were run off your feet until the daycare shut its doors. Most of the time, you would then spend another hour there, packing up equipment the children had used and prepared for the next day.

And, of course, the obligatory lay on the round rug in the middle of the classroom when you were done. Seunggi glanced at you and smiled, your mouth curling up before you burst into laughter. He joined you and you both laughed until you felt the stress lift from your exhausted shoulders.

You rolled onto your side. “If we can’t laugh about it-”

“Then we’d be two very stressed-out people,” Seunggi finished, sitting up and looking down at you. “Dinner?”

“I’ve got plans to meet up with Raisa.”

“Tomorrow then?”

“Of course, you’re cooking though,” you teased and Seunggi chuckled again.

“Don’t I always?”

“Well, I can prepare food for our children, but not for you. I’m sorry,” you remarked as you slowly got up, pulling Seunggi to his feet with you.

“It’s alright; you have other winning qualities, Y/N.”

It had been like this for months now. The casual banter, the comfortable nature, Seunggi was more than just your co-teacher. He was manly yet soft, authoritative when overseeing the kids and could equally be as silly and giggle away with all their little whims. Lee Seunggi was the ultimate catch and yet you didn’t know if you wanted to reel him in any further than you had.

By now, you had realised your juvenile and dramatic approach to guys had led to some really stupid decisions. Kihyun was still in your life but it was much too awkward to have anything than a basic friendship. Jinyoung had crossed paths with you a couple of times when you were still on campus, the dark look he gave you showing he had hurt feelings by your sudden disappearance. You didn’t want to be like that with the next guy you got involved with.

And you certainly didn’t want to mess with the dynamics of teaching with Seunggi.

“So where’s the husband?” Raisa wondered, smirking as she leaned into the plush booth you were seated in. You rolled your eyes. “What, I half-expected Seunggi to accompany you again.”

“He almost did, but I convinced him he didn’t want to hear all about your relationship woes,” you countered and your best friend snorted.

“You’re one to talk. Have you even dated anyone yet? I’m worried you’ll end up a lonely old spinster.”

You sighed. “I’m fine. I’m too busy raising our children to think about dating.”

“You know, you and Seunggi have a really weird habit of referring to the kids you teach as your own. Are you raising children together? Then he is your husband.” Raisa grinned. “Or husband material.”

“I’m sure he’ll make someone incredibly happy,” you agreed, taking a mouthful of your dinner before you looked over at Raisa. You frowned. “What?”

“He could make you incredibly happy.”

“Not again,” you complained shaking your head. “I don’t want to talk about dating. I’m not ready.”

“You’re avoiding it.”

You shrugged. “I’m not going to ruin things with Seunggi. We’re good friends and co-workers. I’ve got my job to think about.”

“Uh-huh,” Raisa hummed as she rolled her eyes, soon leaning over the table. “You’ve got a lot of excuses too.”

“Even if I do, I just feel like Seunggi is in a different place than I am. He wants marriage and kids and-”

“So do you.”

“Not right now,” you answered, smiling lightly. “I mean, I wouldn’t say no-”

“Except you are. Face it, Seunggi really likes you. I think he could be the father of your children.” You gave your best friend a startled look and Raisa giggled. “And I’m not meaning the ones at the nursery. Have you ever thought about him like that?”

Of course, you had. Seunggi was not only everything you liked in a man, but he was great with children too. The whole reason you got into childcare was because you wanted to be a part of shaping future generations. You wanted to nurture their magical way of viewing the world, assist them in growing and setting up solid foundations that would lead them into success in the future. You weren’t just academically focused; you wanted kids to learn by trial and error during practical play. And you hoped one day to do that for your own offspring.

Yet, you weren’t quite ready for that world. You wanted to pay off more of your student loans, build up your career further and see a bit more of the world. Raisa and Seunggi were just too many steps ahead of you right now.

Still, you couldn’t quite shake off the idea when you arrived at work the next day, Seunggi’s dimples deepening as he greeted you. Nodding in response, you darted into the office and placed a hand over your chest.

You could still feel the remnants of a very deliciously domestic dream you had overnight with Seunggi and it was incredibly hard to stop replaying it in your mind.

And of all the places you didn’t want to be whilst you struggled with such fantastic imagery is in your classroom surrounded by children. At one point, Seunggi had laid down during nap time with children sprawled all over him, now asleep due to the steady breathing of the kids. It was a sight that your ovaries definitely didn’t need.

“You’re really quiet today,” he observed as you packed up later on, your gaze darting up to his as if he had caught you out. Seunggi grinned. “It’s a nice change.”

“Are you saying I’m loud?”

“No!” he said with a chuckle, tucking the last beanbag into the corner of the room. “It’s just nice to see you thinking about something that clearly has you affected.”

He was too observant.

Approaching you, he stopped and then leaned down into your face curiously. “You wouldn’t happen to be thinking about me, would you?”

“Whaa-”

“And my amazingly good carbonara that I’m going to cook for us after this,” he added on, grinning at you. “Y/N, you’re not going to bail on me tonight, are you?”

“No, of course not,” you replied, a little weaker than usual, turning to pick up all the crayons sprawled out on the table. You gave yourself a small pep-talk and with a nod of your head, you decided you could face spending time with Seunggi tonight.

Boy, you had been wrong. Dinner was delicious and you felt so full you weren’t ready to move. Which worked out in Seunggi’s favour when he climbed onto the couch beside you, naturally moving in to balance you up. It wasn’t the first time you had been this close before, but tonight it felt like dancing on the edge of fire.

And you didn’t want to get burned.

Sitting up a little, you smiled. “Thank you, it was wonderful.”

“At least we know one of us is good in the kitchen,” he teased and you nodded.

“I’m not bad at cleaning.”

“Living with you would be a breeze then.” Seunggi froze with realisation. He chuckled awkwardly, moving aside from you. “I uh, sorry if that made you uncomfortable.”

“Have you thought about us that way?” you asked brazenly, and the man beside you nodded. “Often?”

“I like you, it’s not a secret, right? We make a great team.” Seunggi judged your silence as not appreciating his honesty. “Have you not thought of us like this?”

“No, I have,” you answered slowly, and watched as a small smile curled up his lips. “We do make a good team, at work.”

The smile deflated. “Are you worried we won’t work so well outside of work?”

“Quite the opposite.”

“Too good? Well, isn’t that a great thing, Y/N?! I like the idea of us like that,” he enthused, grinning away. “Being with the children at work, coming home and eating dinners like this. Laughing and watching movies until it’s time to curl up for bed. Then eventually having more children and laughter together.”

God, it sounded so heavenly. You couldn’t help but smile at the image he painted, and this prompted the man beside you further.

“We should start dating, Y/N. I mean, we basically have been without announcing it.”

You giggled. “I mean, some of our children call us Mum and Dad but can we even be something when we haven’t even kissed yet.”

You hadn’t meant it to come out like that, and yet it was now out in the universe, Seunggi’s gaze intently watching you after that. And then he moved, lips pressing into yours.

You wanted to enjoy the kiss. Those plump lips that you had fantasised over for months were now against yours, encouraging you to kiss him back. And you did, hesitantly moving in response as your mind reeled.

This was your first proper kiss.

And instead of being overjoyed by it, you were troubled.

You were wide awake at 3 am replaying it as well. The night had ended shyly on your behalf, Seunggi just naturally becoming tender with you. He was sweet as ever as he dropped you home, leaning in to kiss you again on your doorstep.

You should have stopped him.

You could hear Raisa in your mind, scolding you for ruining a good thing. Your best friend was the normal one out of you both. She had dated successfully over the years. She didn’t over-think everything as you did. And she was definitely brave enough to try.

For a moment, you told yourself to let go and enjoy this with Seunggi. But that kiss had changed everything. All the happy images, the potential future, it had stopped being so dreamy. Because it could be a reality.

And that scared you to no end.

Of course, at work, you were both nothing but professional. Though you could see the change, the sweet approach Seunggi had towards you at times. The next two weeks, you fell deeper into despair over what to do about the budding romance. You came up with more excuses to eat away from him, proclaiming your sister was in town when she wasn’t due for another month. You had kept away from his lips a lot more than you could tell he preferred and without realising it, you had built a fortress around yourself.

It was stupid, even you knew it was.

But you couldn’t help but think back to Kihyun. Had you been bolder then and told him how you felt, maybe he would have been your first kiss. Or if you hadn’t run away from Jinyoung without so much of goodbye, would you have made it into his arms for more than just exercise? Now you had someone where it was clear they liked you back and it scared you. Not because you didn’t think all those now frightening moments he spoke of would happen at a pace that suited you both, Seunggi was a gentleman after all. But because you hadn’t even enjoyed the juvenile stages of love as a teenager. Had you dated back then, perhaps you wouldn’t be so awkward over the concept now.

And luck would have it, that you would have an out, once again. Seunggi blinked. “You’re being transferred? But… why?”

“The company opened a new branch in-”

He shook his head, dismissing your explanation. “I know about that, but why did you put your name forward for this without telling me? What about our teamwork here?”

“I was asked by the boss herself. She said that I was the most suited to the role and-”

“What about us?” he continued, eyes hard with emotions. You swallowed and he let out a small curse. “I never expected you to do such a thing. Especially since-”

“I took the job because it meant a career promotion and I have school loans to pay off. It wasn’t something I did because I didn’t think we worked well here,” you stated, avoiding the personal reasons as well. You had antagonised over this for three days and now that you signed the contract, you couldn’t just back out. “I’m sorry, Seunggi.”

“Right, of course, you are.”

You didn’t know what more to say, so you collected your box of belongings you had packed earlier, heading towards the door.

He sighed. “If you didn’t want this with me, why did you let it start happening?”

You turned, looking back at him with tears in your eyes. His own were watery, and he pinched the bridge of his nose to try and deter his emotions from falling.

“I don’t know what I want in life, Seunggi. That’s something I need to figure out before I bring anyone into my world.”

_________________

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[blackjacketsandpens]

lie and say you’re fine

I may have binged NicoB’s entire LP of DRV3 in the span of a week, and though I started out more confused and bewildered and mildly disconcerted by Kokichi, I quickly realized that it was just because I wasn’t expecting him and he’s actually 1000% my exact type of character, the complex trickster archetype I adore so much. So of course I’d adopt him.

This is a little bit canon divergent, just a tad, mostly in the last section, but you can ignore that and take it as canon if you want.

                                                  - LOG IN -

You wake up in a classroom.

It’s scary, maybe, all abandoned and grassy and weird, and you vaguely recall getting snatched up off the street or something like that -- no one cared, no one would miss you except the others (are they okay?) -- but you brush it off. You’ll just have to find your way out and get back, right? It’ll be fun! An escape game!

The giant mecha in the hallway are not part of a normal escape game, you think, and are kind of even more terrifying, but you make it to the gym anyway. That’s when you realize they were herding you there, and you’re not alone. Everyone else seems as concerned as you, as confused, all your age (maybe older, you’re younger than the usual high schooler and you know it and fake being older anyway) and all incredibly weirded out.

You remember, vaguely, when the robot bears show up, that they are not a good thing. Not a good thing at all.

And then they make you remember the rest, and you start over.

                                                 - RESET -

You wake up in a classroom.

You’re confused how you got there, weirded out, but that’s fine! This could be interesting, right? An escape game, and the robot mecha in the hall make it way more fun. That you’re not alone is even better, and there’s a robot! A real robot! With AI and everything! You chase him around a bit asking questions, but you’re interrupted by some other kids you bother, and end up in the gym.

The stuffed bears are unexpected, and the game they present is even worse. A game where you have to kill people? That’s bad enough, but that they don’t have a choice makes it the worst thing you’ve ever heard of. Of course, you can’t say that, so you don’t. You lie! You’re really good at lying.

Lying hard enough can make lies the truth, after all, and if you lie enough you can even convince yourself this is okay.

It’s really not, but the girl from earlier gets you all together, and you think she’s a very good heroine. Like a superhero, all inspiring and bright. You get mad at her when she gets a little too bossy, a little too determined, but she caves quick enough. And besides, it was fun the first couple times, that crazy escape route! It just got boring when you figured out you weren’t gonna beat it.

Not yet, anyway. You just don’t have the right items. And you’re the Ultimate Supreme Leader, after all -- you’ll come up with some that might work.

In any case, miss heroine has an effect, and none of you kill each other. You’re so very good at not killing each other, you think, that it pisses the game master off. And that, you realize at that moment, is how you win. It’s one of those games where you win by not playing at all, and knowing that is the best tool you have.

Well, then the bear gives you all a two day deadline to start killing, or you all die.

You lie, lie, lie, and lie some more, and smiling is really easy -- it is, you figured that out a long time ago, it’s just moving muscles in your face, it has nothing to do with your real feelings -- but you can’t trick yourself all the way, and cry yourself to sleep the first night. But after that you think about it, and you’re okay with it. You like to win. It’s not a very fun game, no, but you won’t give that bear the satisfaction of beating you. None of you are going to let him win this game, this battle of attrition. No one will kill anyone, you’ll all die, and it’s the best middle finger you sixteen can give. You think it’s funny, once you finally manage to believe your own lie.

Then the body discovery announcement plays, and you think -- damn it, this is why you don’t trust people.

You figure out what happened within minutes, though, and it’s hilarious in the worst sort of way. The heroine tried to be the heroine, and ended up being a murderer. You have to admit, if it had worked, it was brilliant, and it still was! Really clever, with the books and all. But it didn’t, and-- she doesn’t take the out. You...can’t believe it. She doesn’t take the out. She stays quiet and forces it to go to trial, and…

That means she doesn’t leave alone, and that means she’ll die. Either she dies or everyone else does, and you know she’s not going to let the latter happen. She’s a heroine, after all.

The trial should be fun, honestly. A super fun fake trial, for a fake murder. Crimes! Culprits! Drama! Intrigue! Lies! It’s a great idea and great fun, but...you still can’t get the image of the mystery boy out of your head, crumpled on the floor in a red pool of blood, still and unmoving. He’s dead. Someone’s dead. You saw a dead body, and now you have to convict a murderer and watch them die too.

It’s about halfway through the trial when you figure out someone has to be watching this, somewhere -- someone the mastermind’s performing for -- and that gets you through the rest of it, the sheer blinding anger that someone thinks it’s fun to watch murders. Anger is easier to lie through, though, because you can focus that venom into other lies and nasty smiles, and you know by the end of this they’ll all hate you, but that’s not anything new. Someone has to be the hate sink, after all! It gives them one person to unite in not trusting, and if you’re all going to win, you have to be united.

Miss heroine passes the torch to the shy detective, and you’re not sure if he can hack it, honestly -- he cries the whole time, and can’t even speak through half of it -- so you decide to help. She had your goal, after all, to win this stupid game, even if she was sickeningly trusting about it, so you’re just going to keep doing that.

And besides, she wasn’t boring. She was a great heroine, and you’ll miss her.

You don’t expect the execution, though. You pictured the podium opening under her, sucking her in and making her vanish, or something pulling her into a dark hallway, just...making her vanish. Or if she had to die in front of you, you thought it would be something quick.

You don’t expect that.

You lie and lie and lie again, even if you can’t hide your tears at first -- you play it off, though, because lying is so easy and you refuse to let anyone see the real you -- but when you get back to your room you throw up in the toilet and doze off crying on the bathroom floor. You should have figured it out, you think. You’re a criminal mastermind. You’re a supervillain. You should have guessed the mastermind before anyone else had to die. But you didn’t, and now the image of the heroine’s limp body dangling in the air, eyes wide, the image of the closed piano, blood pouring out from under the lid...you’ll never forget it. Never. And maybe the detective blames himself for it, and that’s fine, but you do too.

So you vow then and there that you’re going to win this game and show this stupid mastermind that you don’t stick a supervillain in a killing game and expect to come out on top.

You find it easier to lie to everyone now that they’ve decided they don’t like you. They won’t believe anything you say, now, and that’s great, because you can tell them your truths and they’ll doubt it. And if you want to tell them truths they need to know, you’ll just play off the detective and let him do it. He’s smart, even if he’s a bit of a wimp. It’s a game, you tell yourself, and you’re going to win. You don’t care what you have to do to do it.

You sneak out and find a message on a stone in the courtyard, then, and you figure, hey. You can use that, that and the other one. They have to be important, but...you can use it for something else, too.

But that’s not so important at the moment, because you remember some more -- a hunt? You wish you knew more than that -- and you get a video. You get yours, as a matter of fact, and you remember the others. You panic for a moment -- are they okay? Oh, no, did something happen, you have to help -- but then you lie again and make yourself be okay. It’s fine. You’ll win. They’ll be okay.

But the videos are dangerous, you think. Especially when you catch on that not everyone got their own. You think, and you think, and you decide to make everyone watch everyone’s. It’ll even the playing field, and no one will have secrets. And you can judge who to watch out for, too; whose motive is important enough to make them kill for it?

You tell a truth, then, aiming for the heart of it -- cooperating is dumb. The more everyone is all happy hand-holding friendly, the more likely it is the mastermind will figure out some other awful way to cut it short, like the time limit. No one believes you, no one listens, and you get yelled at -- but that’s fine. It’s in the air now, and they’ll think about it. It’s fine. You’ll win anyway, even if these idiots keep being stupid. Then they’ll see.

You decide to use bug boy, who’s big and nice and trusting -- even if you absolutely loathe bugs -- to help you, and you don’t feel bad about it at all! That’s not even a lie, because this’ll help, and it’s funny to see everyone’s faces when they realize they’re in insect hell. You bail to go collect the videos, and you come back -- way later than you wanted because apparently maid mom took you seriously and tried to actually mom you, something you hated but also kind of liked -- but the dumb stupid robot has a tape recorder, and you get stuck in there with the bugs instead. You can’t remember the rest of that afternoon, and it’s embarrassing, but at last you got to see all the motives.

Finding out that scary girl is an assassin just motivates you more. You don’t care how nice she might be or how useful, she’s a killer and you’ll suspect her no matter what, now. She kills people. No one who kills people can be a good person. That’s her lie.

Anyway, you decide not to go to the magic show the next day. Not because you don’t like magic shows -- you love them! -- but because the religious nut is weird and stupid and you don’t want to encourage her. Just stay happy here together? Not a chance. That’s not even not playing, that’s just giving up. You wouldn’t mind no more murders, sure, but...to just not even try to win? Not even try to get out? Stupid.

But then someone dies, and you’re nearly sick on the floor when you get there and see bones and bloody water, and you can’t-- no way. You’re investigating elsewhere, because there’s no way you can stomach that. You get mad and let truth slip, and cry, because after the first murder you thought no one else would be that stupid, and this is why you’d wanted to watch the motive videos, but people are stupid and untrustworthy and you hate them all. No one believes you mean it, though, and that’s fine. You can play it off and go hide in the bathroom to throw up before heading to investigate the magic trick. You like magic tricks, you know a bunch of card tricks and sleight of hand stuff for fun, and this is awesome. You can figure out a damn water escape trick.

Well, you know the baby witch didn’t do it, but the trick is still important. Even supervillains know to check every angle.

(Okay, you decide after you’re calm -- you’re fine, you’re fine, that’s a lie but you’ll believe it -- you don’t hate them. They’re all stupid, though.)

You bring tennis man’s video to the trial. It’s going to be useful, because you’re almost completely sure scary lady did it. Maybe it’s bias, but she’s an assassin, she’s automatically ten times more likely.

Well, okay, so it’s either scary lady or space moron, and you think it’ll be great to hear them duke it out, front row seats to a one-on-one argument. But the detective butts in, and then the stupid space moron proves himself the stupidest person here -- how can he just believe in people without proof or anything!? It’s awful and you hate it. He’s going to die and he’s going to take everyone with him because he refuses to look at the truth, he refuses to think logically. How can he be so trusting?

And you hate it more because he’s right, she’s right, and the detective is right. Believing in people worked, and you’re mad because the detective lied, but at the same time a little bit proud because it got you all on the right track again. He’s learning, even if he won’t admit it.

Then the culprit is exposed, and it’s maid mom, and you successfully manage to hide how hurt you are at that, because what the hell, she was so nice. She was nice to all of you, and you never had a mom, so it was nice, but she ended up being awful. Sure, maybe she thinks people outside are more important, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t, and it’s gross that she thinks she can just make people die for her sake and that she’s more important, gross that she tries to make someone die for her.

You still feel sick watching her die, though. It’s not about being awful or not, no one deserves to die, not ever. And these executions aren’t...they’re wrong. They’re sick and over the top and you’re more sure than ever this is a show someone is putting on, because if it wasn’t it wouldn’t matter and you could just execute them normally. But this is staged, so obviously staged, and your resolve to ruin everything and win is...strengthened.

You’re fine. You’re not scared or angry or upset or whatever. You’re fine.

You get sick of scary girl’s lies, when you leave, and call her out, and you’re scared for a few seconds when she grabs you -- but no one lets her hurt you. You know it’s more because no one wants a murder than it is that they care about you, but it’s a nice lie.

You show them her lab the next day, and space moron takes responsibility, and you think that maybe he can at least babysit her.

The fourth floor is awesome, you think. It’s like a horror movie or a haunted house, and creepy mask boy’s lab is the neatest thing, even if he won’t let you touch stuff (and the stupid sword means your hands are sticky gold for an hour). Religious nut girl’s lab is weirder -- not for what it is, but because of the locking thing and because they all seem to be exactly what their owners want, with exactly what they like. It’s suspicious, and you hope detective boy picked up on it.

You remember your funeral, then, and it’s a bit upsetting, but you don’t feel dead and you’re no zombie or vampire, so you brush it off.

The next morning is just weirder. Bringing someone back? Impossible. The stupidest motive ever. But apparently not so stupid, because religious nut girl believes it, and so do her new crazy brainwashed disciples. Morons, all of them, especially because she got them to give up too, and like hell are you going to stop fighting. You’re going to win.

Nothing happens for two days, and you’re glad -- even if the new stupid council is giving you a hard time -- and you get to work on your plans. No one misses a whiteboard since no one’s using the classrooms, and the warehouse is awesome. You have tons of stuff in your room, and it’ll do for your supervillain plotting lair until your lab opens. Maybe you could be doing other things, sure, but...no one wants to hang out with you anyway. It’s fine.

You’re antsy and bored, though, and end up wandering up to the fourth floor in the hopes creepy mask boy is gone and you can poke around his lab, but then no one can get into the art lab and priestess nutcase isn’t answering, so you open the door for them even with sick fear in your gut that’s proven right when she’s dead on the floor.

Creepy mask boy suggests a seance, and you think it’s dumb, but also the idea of it working is enough for you to decide to help out. You help bring stuff to the room chosen, and coerce detective boy into participating when he sticks his nose in. Baby witch and the man hater are there too, and so’s robot boy but you kick him out, and that’s fine, you know sci-fi and fantasy don’t mix well.

The whole thing is dramatic and fun, and the song is spooky, and you feel like you’re in a horror movie or a horror game and you love every second. You almost want ghosts to appear and scare you -- hell, creepy mask boy can be one of those kinds of ghosts if he wanted to. Spooky!

But then there’s no ghost, not even a working seance, and you’re confused and hurriedly help to undo everything, and then...there’s another body. Man hater is dead. You’re not too sorry about her specifically, but it’s horrifying to you that she was literally killed in the same room you were in, like five feet away. You think you know who did it, though, because there’s really only one option. You have a theory, you think, watching everyone nose around the room and noticing a loose floorboard. You know it wasn’t baby witch, so that means…

You decide to check the other rooms, and while the first one goes okay, you miss the second loose board with your eyes and-- you think you’re unconscious for a while, and your hand comes back from your forehead sticky and red, and your head hurts and you’re dizzy and can’t see straight and you feel kind of sick, now, but you’re right. You were right and you know who did it.

You can’t just tell them like a normal person, though, so you sit on the floor for a moment, and then lie down, and even if it was mean the look on detective boy’s face when you sit up was funny enough to be worth it. You tell them what you learned, and wait, and...they’re just mad. You tell them you actually hit your head, and they’re still just mad, and impatient.

You figure that’s what you get, but it stings anyway.

You wobble off, then, and you just barely get to the nearest bathroom when the trial summons plays, and you...really just have time to splash water on your face and slap some gauze and tape over the gash before wobbling away to the trial grounds. No one asks if you’re okay then, either -- all they worry about is space moron, but you look at him and he’s way too pale and sweaty for it to be just a phobia of ghosts, so you let it go. You’re fine, after all!

Even if you kind of doze off a few points during the trial. It’s really hard to stay awake, and you have a massive headache, but baby witch is being infuriating so you have to make her stop. You push and you push and you push -- because no one else is going to -- and it works, at least a little, and you can stop hounding her as the culprit and move on to the real one. You were right, but oh boy were you not expecting that occult nonsense and the-- the depravity.

This is one execution, you think, where you’re not sad at all. He’d killed so many people, that it wasn’t possible to feel bad for him.

Baby witch is still being dumb, so you do the job no one else will and push some more and then she cries and cries and cries, and it’s-- hard not to cry, too, and maybe no one will believe yours were real, but no one is paying attention to you anyway, and it’s too hard to hold them back when you’re so dizzy and wobbly anyway.

You sleep like a rock that night, and you’re feeling better the next morning. That’s good, because the stupid bear presents a card key, and if no one wants it you’ll take it. If it’s the next motive, then you’ll take the burden of it -- you don’t intend to kill anyone at all, anyway, so who better to look first. And it’s easy to avoid space moron, because he’s sick and you’re fast.

You find the door, and you look through it, and you immediately wish you hadn’t.

Everyone is gone. Everyone is dead. The people in here, the nine of you, that’s the only people left on earth. And the world isn’t even habitable, there’s no life, no oxygen, nothing. There’s nothing. Nothing at all.

You sit and cry for a while, but then you get up and you’re fine. You’re fine. You’re fine you’re fine you’re fine you’re fine you’re fine you’re fine you’re fine you’re fine you’re fine you’re fine you’refineyou’refineyou’refineyou’refineyou’refineyou’re fine-----

You’re fine.

And you have a plan. And now you have no choice but to win. You’ll end this game, and no one will die, or...or everyone will. You think, maybe, that if everyone dies maybe that’s better. Even if you stop the game with no more deaths, the world is still destroyed. There’s nothing left for anyone. Why bother?

You…you have two plans, now. Or maybe just one split in two, depending on how the first part goes.

You go to nympho chick with some plans, hand them over and get her to make them -- and she admits how scared she is -- they all remember now, too, at least part of the truth -- and you’re fine, you are, but...you feel sorry for her. You’re used to not trusting anyone, but she’s not, and it’s hard for her. Well...you feel sorry for her until you figure out she’s going to try to kill you. You feel a little less bad then.

But...your plan isn’t affected. You feel bad, but bug boy is perfect. You know nympho chick is going to get everyone into her VR game and kill you there, and make sure you can’t fight back or something -- it’s her game after all -- so...you need help. And he’s so trusting, and so big, and is the only person who won’t immediately write you off. It’s fine. You got this.

You hate the bear, but you get him to put a memory of the outside world into the VR game so you can show bug boy -- you can’t just tell him, he needs to know -- and you’re ready.

You get them to hate you more, you lie, you say it’s fun, and even if your face hurts from where space moron punches you, that’s okay, you’re fine. It’s part of the plan. Even if saying this awful hellhole is fun makes you sick. You can have fun in this place, or you’ve tried to, but this place isn’t fun, and it will never be fun. Not as long as people kill each other.

All part of the plan, though. You’re ready. You get everyone to go into the VR world, and like you hoped, bug boy decides to watch you. That’s fine, because you show him the light, and he agrees to help. You’re not lying right now, and it feels weird and scary and wrong, but you don’t need to. He knows what you know, and you’re on the same page: the only way to save them all might just be to kill them. And if that fails...well, you have your other plan. You’re not sure which you hope works.

Nympho chick does try to kill you, you do get her killed -- and the only reason you don’t feel sick is because you’re all dumb chibi avatars and it’s not gross -- and then you all log out. You do feel sick, then, because she looks so scared in real life, and you caused this. You’re a killer now. Even if you didn’t do the deed, you did it anyway. You’re a killer now, not a supervillain, and you have to go all the way.

Bug boy is acting weird, but you don’t catch on anything’s wrong, going along and blaming space moron -- you’ll succeed, you know you will, you have to -- and then the trial starts, and everything goes wrong.

How were you supposed to know he plugged the cords in wrong? How were you supposed to know he didn’t remember? You knew the detective was smart, but-- no, no, it all went so wrong. You get so mad at them all, mad at bug boy for not playing along until you realize he really doesn’t know, mad at detective boy -- no, Shuichi, he earned a name -- for lying so stupidly, mad at space moron for being so stupid and trusting even when there’s literally no more excuse to be, even when everyone else is telling him to quit it, mad at yourself for this because if you could have done it yourself, you would have, but you couldn’t and now the only person who was ever nice to you is going to die.

The stupid bear even makes a computer bug b-- Gonta. His name is Gonta and he earned his name because you’re stupid and awful and you’ll remember him for however long you have left to live because you killed him, too-- and the stupid jerk insists he wasn’t tricked, and then-- and then forgives you. He forgives you and apologizes to everyone, and asks them to forgive you too, and you can’t take it anymore. You can’t.

You’re not fine.

You’re not fine and you can’t stop crying, and you wish you could have done it yourself, because you’re the bad guy and you’re the villain here and you should have, because no one would be sad if you die but everyone loves Gonta, but you couldn’t, and this is your fault, and you beg to be punished too, but you aren’t, and you have to watch the only person who ever tried to like you die.

You’re not fine and you barely manage to pull yourself together, and then people are hounding you and you’re not fine, and you’re a murderer, your entire gang your entire life your guiding moral code is to never kill anyone and now you have two people’s blood on your hands, and everyone hates you and you made them hate you on purpose, didn’t you, you think. No one likes you, no one trusts you, and no one believes you, and you caused it. You can’t stop lying and you can’t trust anyone and you can’t stop messing around even when you’re trying to help and now this is…

You’re not fine, but that’s fine, because you take a breath and grab your role with both hands and every cruel word you say is awful and every lie you tell is awful, and the way they all stare at you in disgust and horror as you gloat about how evil you are is awful, and you don’t get punched but Shuichi says you’ll be alone forever and you know he’s right, but you brought it upon yourself anyway.

You decide when you leave that it’s time to end it, end it forever, end it for good, and if you can’t make them all die, you’ll just have to make them despair. Then you’ll find the mastermind and beat him.

But there’s one more plan you have, and you know somehow it’ll end that way, but that’s fine.

You’re not fine, but you don’t care.

You get the things nym-- Miu made you, and you give some of them to the others, and you wait. They find the truth, and you spring your plan. You’re the mastermind, you say, you did this, it’s all your fault. There’s nothing else out there and you caused the killing game. It’s all a lie, of course, but you hope you made the real one mad. Or at least, you hope you made sure no one had the will to keep going with this stupid game.

You’re a little sorry that you banged space moron around a bit, but he seems okay (besides his terminal illness) and you stick him in the hangar bathroom, and decide that’s the end of it for now.

You’re wrong.

Space moron produces a crossbow from nowhere, and your arm is bleeding and half-useless, and you’re terrified but you fight back because you don’t want to die and you don’t want this moron to kill you (even if he’s shouting that he just wants to you to stop), and that’s bad enough. But then stupid murder girl comes in with a mecha and shoots you in the back, and you’re in agony and terrified and she’s demanding answers you don’t actually have -- what the hell is she talking about, Remnant of Despair -- and you demand, angry and frightened, why she’s starting the killing game again.

She tries to kill you and space moron saves you, and you think he’s stupid and you know he just did it so she wouldn’t kill anyone -- he hates you -- but she runs away yelling about an antidote and you realize she poisoned the bolts. The one in his arm...and the one in your back. That means you’re dying, you realize, and you decide then and there it’s time for Plan C.

You slam the hangar shut and grab the antidote from murder girl when she tries to get it to her boyfriend, pretend to drink it and watch her run off, and then you hand it over to space moron. You feel dizzy and light-headed and you can’t actually keep track of how many of him there are, and your everything hurts, and you’re absolutely terrified, but you’re fine now. You’re going to win. You’ll win, this will work, you’ll win.

You disable the cameras -- you have hours before the stupid mastermind will see this building again -- and tell space moron your plan, and he’s horrified. You give him credit for not immediately agreeing to kill you, though, but then he does agree, and even before you use his girlfriend’s status as culprit against him.

You explain everything, and you give him the details, make sure he has the script, and...and then you make sure the press is ready, and he lets you film most of it, and you can’t even stand anymore, you’re draped on the railing above the press with the camera and space moron has to  come get you to help you downstairs, and his voice is very far away and you’re going to die.

It really just now sinks in to you that you’re going to die. No matter what happens here, you’ll die. So…so you have to make it count. He asks you why you’re doing this, then, and you’re in too much pain to lie.

You’re not fine, and you cry, and you tell him the truth for the first time, that you hate this, you can’t stand it, that it’s not fun at all and it never has been. You tell him that you can’t stand it, that you just pretended and lied to yourself so that you could get through it all. You tell him you want to win this game, you want to ruin it, you want to make everyone who put you all through this suffer like you have by denying them their game. And this is going to do it, and you...you’re terrified, you think, as you pull your shirt off and slide into the press. You’re so scared and you’re so sick and you can’t stop crying.

You’re glad the camera can’t see your face anymore, because you can’t stop crying. You’re not a supervillain, you think. You’re just a stupid and paranoid little liar who got in over his head, and everyone hates you, but you don’t care because they were the closest thing you had here to friends, and even if they hated you, you weren’t alone...at least not physically.

You’re not fine, and you’re going to die alone, you think, and you can’t stop crying as the groan of the press deafens you. You see...you see Kaito watching from the balcony, briefly, and you lie to yourself one last time and pretend he looks sad for you (because obviously he wouldn’t be, right?), and then....

And then you die, all alone, poisoned and crushed to a bloody pulp, pleading to gods you really don’t believe in that your plan works and your death is worth it, that you win.

                                                 - LOG OUT -

You wake up gasping for breath, falling to the floor in a boneless heap as your pod opens, and you can hear people running for you, but you curl up as tight as you can and wail because your mind is stuck on your last few moments, being crushed to death, and it hurts so very much.

You distantly register someone picking you up, but you can’t even think until you’re put down and a gentle and unfamiliar voice is asking you to let her examine you and there’s a prick in your arm. You feel fuzzy after a few seconds, and you relax, and you blink in hazy confusion at the nurse in front of you and the examination room around you…

And you remember for real.

You remember you’re an orphan, you remember your institution -- your brothers and sisters and Mom, because it’s small and there’s only Mom and a couple Aunties as the staff, you remember your scholarship to high school because of how smart you are (you’re too young normally for high school but you got in anyway). You remember your comics, your video games, your anime, how much you love the idea of supervillains with crazy powers and big lairs in caves and a huge posse of minions and cool gadgets and stuff, because heroes are boring and villains obviously have way more fun. You remember the game show, the VR game where you get to be a weirdo super special school kid and play a killing game, and you remember how controversial it is but it’s still pretty popular since it’s all VR, and if you win there’s a lot of prize money.

You remember signing up and begging to be a really cool supervillain character, you remember thinking you’ll win the money for the other kids, because you want them to be comfortable now and not have to wait for when you’re working. You remember thinking it’ll be fun.

You think now that you were really stupid. Why didn’t you sign up for any other stupid crazy game show? No, you had to pick the VR murder show. And now you’re shaking and crying and sick. Well, you think distantly, at least you’re not gonna turn around and be manga Kaiba after his experience of death or whatever. No giant death theme parks for you, even if it would be kinda fun.

You think your voice is kind of broken when your laugh comes out sounding like a squeaky toy, but then you get told you’re perfectly healthy, no ill effects from the VR -- you think that’s stupid, because you definitely have some ill effects, lady -- and you’re literally lifted into the air in a hug.

You realize after a second that Gonta is hugging you, and then you burst into tears again, clinging to him like a koala and wailing into his shoulder. You think you might have apologized a few dozen times, but you’re not even sure you actually made words. Your voice is definitely broken, you decide.

Gonta carries you out of the medical rooms, and you realize you’re in the Team DR studio, still, and you wiggle around to see he’s heading toward a room marked Participant Waiting Room. You blanch, then, and wiggle free. You can’t go in there, everyone hates you. You tell him as much, you tell him you should just go home. Even if it was just a game, everyone hated you and they won’t want you around.

Gonta -- and it’s weird hearing him talk like a normal person -- tells you to stop being silly, and picks you up again to carry you in, putting you on a chair and telling everyone you were the victim.

You have a few seconds to register the shouts of surprise and realize they must be watching the game in here before someone tackles you, and Miu is crying into your shoulder and apologizing for trying to kill you.

You flail, and push her off, and demand to know why she’s apologizing when you were the one to get her killed, and she tells you to stop being dumb. Everyone here isn’t who they were in the game, and if she wants to apologize for being a crazy nympho who nearly tried to bash your head in, then she will.

Kaede is the next to speak up, and she agrees. You all aren’t who you were in the game, and you weren’t who you were before it, either. She hadn’t had much faith in anyone before the game, had really only signed up because it seemed pretty hardcore for a game show, and she hadn’t been the type to have any trust or belief in anyone at all. All she’d asked was to be different from her normal self, and then she became a heroine. And now, she’s not the heroine, but she’s not the person who had no faith in anyone, either. So there’s no reason for anyone to think you’re quite so awful as you were in the game.

You’re quiet, and then you think you startle everyone by bursting into tears, real ones.

You’re not fine, and you don’t think you’ve been fine most of the entire game, because you had thought it was going to be fun, but killing people is never fun, and you were so scared and then you became really evil -- you may like supervillains, but you hate evil villains -- and now everyone is actually being nice to you?

Rantaro tells you that you’re one of the most popular characters this season, laughing, and Kirumi adds that she’s really enjoyed watching you, too. Angie adds that she was pretty awful in her own way, and Kiyo says -- looking really embarrassed, poor guy, his real life big sister is probably going to kill him -- he was worse.

Ryoma says that the trial’s just starting, but he thinks if it wasn’t for Shuichi being smart, your plan might have had a chance and won the whole game and broken it, too. You laugh, but you’re still crying, and Gonta hugs you again.

Tenko says that your death was super awful, and you were really brave to do it willingly, and Kaede finally stops beating around the bush and tells you you’re their friend. Maybe you weren’t in the game, but now you’re all out of it, and all upset and traumatized -- because wow, she didn’t expect it to be quite so awful -- so you all have to stick together. You’re bound together by a really over-dramatic and probably not entirely safe tv show, and you’re all stuck with each other as friends for real now.

You joke that she sounds like her character, and she laughs and agrees. But that’s fine, it means she learned something. But she’s just stating facts, they’re all friends now. You too.

Angie teasingly asks if you learned anything, and you’re quiet for a long time.

Yeah, you say finally. You think you did.

You’re not going to be alone anymore. And...maybe, just maybe, you think you can trust them. You can at least try.

Your name is Kokichi Ouma, and you’re not the Ultimate anything, you’re just a too-smart high school kid in the system, obsessed with fiction and lies and with a truck full of trust issues. But thanks to your crazy and ill-advised decision to play in a VR killing game show, you have fifteen new friends, and you think...maybe you have people you don’t have to lie to.

Well...mostly. Telling the truth all the time is boring.

But...you think you can cope with a little boredom, if it means you aren’t alone.

[swfanficbyjz]

I Am The Fulcrum - SW AU

Pairing: Brotp Anakin/Ahsoka 

So, awhile ago, @litheian gave me the idea of a Time Travel AU where Ahsoka goes back in time to before Anakin’s mother died and how that would all play out. Up until that point, I’d been really resistant to write time travel stuff because it feels so unrealistic. But the idea got me curious and the next thing I knew, another full-length story happened. There is a little romantic stuff between Anakin and Ahsoka just because it felt right for what was going on with the story (they’re the same age at the time), but ultimately, it’s about their close friendship and what they’d do for each other. Hope you enjoy it!

Part 1:

Chapter 1:

I am Fulcrum. I am part of the rebellion. I’m trying to destroy the very thing I helped build. Of course, I didn’t know I was helping build it. If Anakin were here, would he be proud of me? Would he be fighting by my side like I once fought by his?

She ran her fingers across the curved hilt of one of her new lightsabers. They were foreign to her, yet familiar. They were thinner than her old ones but they felt like they belonged in her hands and when lit, they were the brightest white she’d ever seen. She didn’t know lightsabers could be white. She tried searching her memory for any mention of white lightsabers throughout the history of the Jedi, but she came up empty. What did it mean? She wasn’t special, not like Anakin had been. He was the Chosen One. If anyone should have carried a white lightsaber, it was him. Instead, she carried not one, but two. She wasn’t a Jedi anymore. She wasn’t a Sith either. Yet the force had brought her back to something bigger. It was preparing her for something. 

“Ahsoka?” She looked up to see Bail looking at her with concern. “Are you alright?”

“Sorry,” she replied. “It’s been awhile.” 

“Are you sure you want to do this? We could use the help, but if you’re not up for it…”

“No, I am.” She gave him a reassuring smile. I just have to get my head back in the game. Everything that had happened on Raada was still fresh on her mind. But she’d been stupid, and reckless. I thought I’d gotten past that. She felt a tug in the force; A pull in a direction she didn’t want to go. She tried to push it away, but it only buzzed harder. “There’s something I need to do first.” 

“How can I help?” Bail asked.

“Can you take me back to the Jedi temple on Coruscant?” The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them. Why did she want to go there? What was she hoping to find? Even if there were other Jedi still out there, even if the purge had never happened, she didn’t belong there anymore. Did she honestly think she’d find Anakin? He’s dead. Let it go.

“The temple is nothing but rubble now, I’m afraid,” Bail was saying. “I’m not sure if there’s anything there to find.” 

Except ghosts. “I feel like there’s something there I need to do.” She admitted. “It might help the rebellion.” 

“Well, I can get you close. Only a couple people have codes to get through the security checkpoints. There’s a few guards around the complex, which probably won’t be a problem for you, but the place is crawling with probe droids and scavengers. The Emperor has been pretty keen on discovering all its secrets.”

She felt sick. The idea of all those grubby hands on a place so sacred. No matter where the force led her now, she still held the ideals of the Jedi. Some part of her that she’d been trying to bury, still wanted to be one. It was impossible though. She’d made the decision to leave and there was nothing to go back to anyways. So why is it telling me I should? “If you could drop me down on level 1313, I can get there on foot. That would probably be safer for you too.”  

“Level 1313? That’s a seedy part of town. Are you sure?”

She smiled again. “Yeah, I’m sure. I can take care of myself, besides, I have an old friend there if I need it.” She hoped he was still there. Although she didn’t tell Bail that she had no intention of going to him even if she got into trouble. Nyx might never have known she’d once been a Jedi, but she wanted to avoid interactions with anyone. Mainly she wanted to avoid awkward questions. 

---

Ahsoka threw up her hood. At least in the lower levels of Coruscant people had enough of their own problems to notice her. She’d tried to talk herself out of this all the way back, but the closer she got, the stronger her feeling that she needed to go there. 

She looked up past the flashing lights, busy traffic and towering buildings to the empty skyline where the five peaks of the temple had once been visible. She shivered and pulled her coat even tighter. She’d once walked those hallways looking out at the bustling city, feeling safe… untouchable. Even before the building itself had come crashing down, her world had. She couldn’t even remember the last time she felt safe. 

She slipped into the shadows, disguising her force signature, stepping forward large distances at a time. Keeping her head down she’d duck into an occasional alleyway as probes or police went by. As she joined the larger crowds, she sidled up the side of some apartments, preferring the clearer path across the rooftops. 

At the edge of the skyscrapers the city opened into a flatter area with shorter buildings. Ships of all shapes and sizes weaved back and forth through the sky in a chess board pattern. The wind tugged at her hood and she pulled it back around her face without thinking. Her heart raced as she scanned the horizon. Coruscant felt empty to her now. Memories washed over her. She wished she could forget. In all her lazy daydreams as a youngling, she never could have imagined this. Life had seemed so simple; so easy back then. Even once she’d started as a padawan. She’d given Anakin a hard time for all the trouble they ended up in, but she would give anything to have those days back; to have him back. She’d even be happy to hear Master Kenobi prattle on about protocols and procedure. Or Master Yoda and his backwards way of talking, or Master Windu and his frowning look of disdain. The truth was… she missed them all. They hadn’t trusted her; they’d thrown her out like the trash. But none of that really mattered anymore. If they appeared in front of her, she’d forgive them in an instant. 

Stop it. She chided herself. You’re only making it harder. Focus. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She breathed easier as the force flooded in stronger every time she inhaled. She focused on clearing her mind and pushing the pain aside for now. She opened her eyes and looked towards the ruins, only vaguely acknowledging the pang that hit her. A path towards her destination illuminated in the force. She nodded to herself, glanced around to see if the coast was clear and let the it guide her the rest of the way to the temple. 

---

It had been easy to slip past the guards, they’d been deep in their own conversation. Clearly, they were convinced no one would be fool enough to enter. Apparently, she was. She kept her senses wide open. She couldn’t feel droids in the force, but if she was paying attention, she could hear them in enough time to hide. 

Now that she was in, she had no idea what she was looking for. Bail had been right, there wasn’t much left. What had she expected? That it would be sitting there in the middle with a sign? 

Sighing deeply, she watched the patrol pattern of the droids and troopers for a while and found a corner they didn’t seem to go by very often. Hidden between two fallen columns, she knelt and started meditating. The pain of all that had occurred here was distracting. Yet, she found herself searching through it, looking for him. If Anakin had died here, like so many others, she knew she’d find the memory in there somewhere. She hated herself for wanting to feel it, for wanting to know. But every time she’d reached into the force for him, it had felt like a broken conduit. Like the pathway had simply been cut. It didn’t feel like death to her, it just felt empty. It was as if he’d simply gone missing and if he was just missing… she had to find him. Even if finding him meant witnessing his death. She had to know the truth. 

“Attachment is forbidden for Jedi.” Her eyes snapped open at the voice but there was no one there. She waited for a few minutes but it didn’t speak again. She shrugged and went back to meditating. My mind is playing tricks on me.

She fell deeper and deeper into her search, throwing caution to the wind as she searched for him. She felt anger; familiar anger. She turned her search towards it feeling as though she was getting close to the truth. “Why are you here?” This time when her eyes snapped open, a temple guardian stood in front of her. 

“I don’t know,” she admitted.��

“I think you do.” It replied from behind the white faceless mask. It’s brown ceremonial robes blowing slightly in the breeze. The double-bladed lightsaber hilt, hanging from its belt. 

“I miss him.” She said, emotions she’d been trying to repress tumbling out her eyes before she could stop them. “I miss all of them.”

“Attachments is forbidden for Jedi.” It repeated the first thing she’d heard.

“I know.” She said, leaning forward to rest on the palms of her hands so the temple guardian couldn’t see her face that was streaked with tears. They fell on the stone below her now. 

“He cannot come back from where he’s gone.” She squeezed her eyes shut at his words. “But if you still wish to become a Jedi, I can help you.” Wiping her eyes, she looked up at the masked face of the specter before her.

“The Jedi are all gone. How can I become one?”

“If you pass the trial I put before you, I can grant you the rank of knight.” How will that help with the rebellion? What could becoming a knight at this point do that she couldn’t already? It would be an empty title for an empty soul. But the force had led her here, whatever this trial was… it might give her the knowledge that she sought. 

“I’m ready,” she said.

---

When she opened her eyes, she was no longer sitting in the middle of rubble. She looked around her at the lush green landscape and rolling hills. Laid out before her was a lake shimmering in the early morning light. Trees dotted the landscape and sitting just ahead of her was a huge stone castle with a pastel pink paint peeking through the climbing vines up to the dome roofs. A figure stood on the balcony that opened out over the water. She could just make them out between the arched stone columns and planters that lined the railing. 

The temple guardian had told her she was going back in time to change something. Her trial was to figure out what it was. Succeed, and she’d be brought back to her time and knighted as a Jedi. It hadn’t told her where she was going or how far back. It also hadn’t told her what would happen if she failed. She’d probably be stuck here in this time; whenever it was…

She climbed the stone wall at the far end of the balcony, trying to be as quiet as possible. But when she peeked over the railing, she almost lost her grip. Her heart pounded in her chest as she dangled from the side of the balcony. She swung around to look between the balusters at the figure silhouetted against the cloudy sunrise. He had his back to her. His loose tunic fluttered in the breeze. The thin material barely masking his well-defined musculature.

She vaulted herself over the railing landing lightly on the stone floor. She stood there staring at his back longingly; a lump in her throat. Every muscle in her body screamed at her to run to him. She wanted nothing more than to throw herself into his arms, she’d missed him so much. But this Anakin might not know she existed yet, she had to be cautious. She could just make out his padawan braid where it fell on his right shoulder. 

He started turning in her direction and she scrambled to hide but ran into the wall. “Hey!” he yelled.

Kriff! She started running down the back steps, rubbing her forehead trying to ignore the pain of where it had hit the stone. 

“Stop! Who are you?” he demanded as he chased after her. She didn’t know where she was going so she just kept running, taking random turns that seemed like the right direction trying to lose him in the maze of the castle pathways. After running for a few minutes, she risked a glance backwards but didn’t see him behind her anymore. She slowed to a walk trying to catch her breath and kept looking over her shoulder. 

Something reached out and grabbed her arm, pulling her into a little alcove behind a statue along the passageway. She yelped and then fell silent as she looked up into his intense blue eyes. Her knees wobbled a little as she tried to memorize his face. He couldn’t be much younger than when she met him, so she’d only gone back in time a few years. Before the Clone Wars, most likely. He was gripping each of her arms tightly and staring into her soul. She realized at some point that he didn’t have his mechanical arm yet. He’d lost his in the Battle of Geonosis, hadn’t he? So it had to be before that.

“How did you find this place?” he asked angrily. “Who sent you?”

“Um…” she was at a loss, she didn’t know what to say. “I felt like I should come here…” she stammered. “I think I’m supposed to help you.” It was weak, she bit her lip hoping he’d buy it. 

He glanced down and saw the lightsabers dangling from her belt. “Are you a Jedi?” he asked. She nodded, not trusting herself to lie. His close proximity to her was distracting. He smelled good too. She wanted to reach out and touch him, but she was afraid to. 

“Anakin?” a female voice called. It was familiar too. 

He brought his finger to her lips and then leaned out to reply. “I’ll be right there, senator. Just a moment.” Padmé… I should have known.

“Are you alright? I thought I heard you shouting.” Senator Amidala called again.

“It was nothing,” he answered. Her shoulders slumped. Yeah… nothing… She wanted to look away, but if she moved her face, her lips would brush his finger which was probably not the smartest idea right now. Not that any of this was smart. Apparently satisfied with his response, Padmé didn’t say anything else. But neither did Anakin. She looked up to find him staring at her. She held her breath. “Who are you?” he asked again, softer this time. She peered up at him like a schoolgirl. Why was it so hard to talk to him now? Because you thought he was dead. He is dead. You’re in the past remember? She tried to ignore the arguing voices in her head. 

“Fulcrum.” She managed finally. 

“You said you were here to help. Help with what?” he asked. 

Stang… she didn’t know. She could feel something through the force. She pushed her senses out trying to read him. “You’re hurting,” she responded instead. “Why?” Now that she’d managed to focus on something other than his intoxicating presence she could feel a deep pain in his soul. Something was bothering him. There was confusion, sorrow… longing… a cavern of aching, oceans wide. She’d felt pain in him like this before, but this was fresh. Boiling just beneath the surface, demanding attention. Not like the deeply buried loss he’d carried with him as her master. 

He released her and stepped away. No, come back… “It’s nothing.” He looked uncomfortable and avoided her gaze. 

“It might be what I’m supposed to help you with,” she whispered. “Tell me.”

“It was just a dream,” he said. “Forget it.” Dreams don’t hurt you like that. She studied the profile of his face. Was it possible for her to help fix whatever had caused that chasm of pain she’d always felt in him? Could that be what she was meant to change? 

She tentatively reached out and touched him on the arm. “Tell me about your nightmare,” she said soothingly. “Let me help you.” As her master, he’d never let her in; not really anyways. She hoped this was before he’d shut everyone out. She hoped he would tell her. 

“It was about my mother,” he said finally, swallowing hard. “I can feel her, she’s in pain. I have to help her!” His mother… right… she’d died somehow. What was it she’d overheard Master Kenobi and Master Yoda say about it? She racked her brain trying to find the elusive piece of information that might help her stop it from happening. “Are you going to chastise me like the rest of them? Tell me that attachments are forbidden, and I should let her go?” He said suddenly angry, interrupting her thoughts. The temple guardian had also said attachments are forbidden. Had he been referring to her attachment to Anakin? Or had it been a hint to help her with this trial?

“No,” she said, trying to weigh her words. She had to keep reminding herself that right now, he must think she’s a Jedi master. That he’s still a padawan, expecting them to tell him what to do. She wasn’t so sure she liked that he was looking to her for what to do or rather to not do something. “Attachment might be forbidden, but if someone is in danger, it is a Jedi’s responsibility to do what they can to help them.”

He smiled suddenly. “Thank you.” He said, but then frowned again. “But my mandate is to protect the senator. That’s why we’re here. I can’t leave.”

“Between the two of us, I’m sure we can keep her safe if she comes along.” Ahsoka answered. But I’d rather she stay here…

“I’ll go tell her to get ready and we’ll meet you at the ship,” he said starting up the stairs. He paused near the top and turned back to look at her, “I’m glad you’re not like the other masters.” He commented.

Because of you… she almost replied, but instead, she just gave him a smile and he disappeared around the corner. She sighed heavily when he was out of sight. This was going to be a difficult task. Not rescuing his mother, or protecting the senator… but because seeing him like this, younger… and more carefree… still smiling occasionally… it was distracting to say the least. And she was having a really hard time not noticing her body’s response when he was close to her. You’re not here to fall in love, you idiot. A little late for that, don’t you think?

---

Ahsoka raced to the shiny, chromium plated Nubian starship sitting on the private landing pad, hoping that it would take the senator her usual amount of time to get ready and she’d have a few minutes to come up with a plan. It had taken longer than she cared to admit to stop thinking about Anakin in that loose tunic and seeing him genuinely smile. He had smiled every once in a while, as her master, but it was usually a smug one or a smirk. She couldn’t think of a single moment he’d been really happy. At least he’d been good at hiding his expression of happiness.

Once her focus was back on the task at hand, she struggled to find any memory of what had happened to his mother. She searched the database in her head and came up empty. This would be so much easier if you’d talked to me about your past, Skyguy! She kicked the back of the chair. She forced herself to take a deep breath. Before she got very far, a little astromech droid wheeled into the cockpit.

“Artoo!” She greeted the droid excitedly, forgetting for a moment that it didn’t know her yet. It beeped something about her trespassing on royal property. Oh right… She told it that Senator Amidala had sent her ahead to get the ship ready for their trip. It whistled something that she didn’t quite catch but otherwise went to work starting the engines. “Artoo, I need your help.” The droid spun its dome top so that it’s ocular lens was facing her and she knelt down. “Do you know anything about Anakin Skywalker’s mother?”

R2 whirred for a few minutes and then wheeled over to plug into the computer database for information retrieval. It projected a profile of her in the air before her. Ahsoka scanned it quickly looking for any information that would help her. She was on Tatooine… okay… she was once a slave… yeah… a man named Cliegg Lars had purchased her and then freed her. Then why would she be in danger? It wasn’t that she didn’t trust Anakin’s instinct or visions; what was she missing? Could she be in danger from something besides slavery? What was it that Anakin had told her was dangerous on Tatooine on their first real mission together? The desert was merciless… but why? She stood up quickly. Sand people. 

If the Tuskens had somehow captured her… she would not survive until they got there. She paced back and forth trying to come up with a plan. She ran to the comm and put in a call to Jabba the Hutt. It wasn’t ideal, but it might work… She didn’t have time to second guess herself though, she could hear Anakin and Padme coming closer. She ducked into the closet near the bridge, forcing herself past the heavy material hanging there so that she’d be well hidden in the depth of the tiny room. Why was she so keen to hide from Padme? Because you don’t want to see them together.

“It looks like Artoo already started the ship. Are you ready to go?” Senator Amidala’s voice drifted past where Ahsoka was hiding. 

“Not quite,” Anakin said. “I forgot something.” Ahsoka realized a little too late that he was trying to find her but she was too embarrassed to crawl out of the closet now that Padme was sitting right outside. “I couldn’t find it,” Anakin said returning. Ahsoka felt the ship lift off and shifted to find a more comfortable position to wait out the long trip.

“Ouch,” she said clunking her head on a shelf in the back of the closet and quickly covered her mouth. 

“Did you hear that?” Anakin asked.

“I didn’t hear anything.” Padme replied.

Stang! Artoo beeped something and Ahsoka heard the door to the closet open. She shimmied further back against the wall hoping the heavy dresses and robes would keep her hidden. The material against her face moved, but she didn’t hear Anakin say anything so she hoped he didn’t see her. After a few minutes of rustling, the closet door closed again. She was about to breathe a sigh of relief when she realized that he was sitting on the floor next to her. She froze, panicking.

 “Any particular reason you’re hiding in the closet?” he whispered. Her heart thudded in her chest, she willed it to be quiet. Think!

 “I was inspecting the ship, of course! The senator’s life is in danger, you can’t be too careful.” She tried her best to emphasize that what she was doing was the most obvious course of action, how could he commit such an oversight? 

“You’re right! How silly of me. The ship has been sitting here completely unguarded in the middle of nowhere. I hadn’t even considered that it could be tampered with.” He replied seriously, furrowing his brow. She wasn’t quite sure if he was making fun of her or not. She resisted the urge to punch him in the shoulder. It wasn’t very master-like. 

“If you were trying to take out a target, would you confront them directly when they’re guarded by a Jedi, or would you find another form of subterfuge?” She mimicked his tone of voice when he tried to teach her hard lessons. He was quiet for a moment. 

 “You’re right. I like the way you think, Snips.” He said.

 Her eyes widened as she stared at him in surprise, “What did you call me?”

 “I’m sorry,” he said embarrassed. “That was inappropriate. I’m not sure where that came from.” She reached for him before she could stop. He looked at her nervously awaiting a reprimand. Her hand touched the side of his face and he relaxed into it returning her stare. His eyes flicked to her lips and they leaned closer. “Master,” he breathed, before they kissed. Alarm bells were sounding in her brain. Hey… that’s you! Her brain was too fuzzy to react though. He tasted so sweet, for a moment, nothing else mattered.

 They kissed again, deeper this time. Reaching depths neither had known. Everything about him filled her heart to bursting, why was he so irresistible? You have to stop this. She ignored the voice in her head and wrapped her arms around his neck pushing him backwards. He responded hungrily, his intensity startling her. She was on top of him as his arms weaved around her back pulling her closer. The ship lurched, shoving their tangled embrace into the wall.

 "Anakin?" Padmé called from outside the closet door. Her voice brought them both crashing back to reality and they scrambled apart as quietly as they could. Holding their breaths, they waited for her footsteps to recede and then he stumbled clumsily out of the closet, standing up and adjusting his robes. 

 He glanced back at her, but she shook her head, mouthing to him that she would continue inspecting the ship. So, he shut the closet door, leaving her in darkness again. She felt around the back looking for the ventilation shaft and then squeezed her way in. 

 Deep in the bowels of the ship, she finally faced the truth; being close to him was dangerous. And she needed to get her act together. What they'd just done was wrong on every level. But it felt so right...

 Use your brain, girl! Not only is he your future master, you're not from this time. Do you really think messing up his relationship with Padmé is what you're meant to do? Well the temple guardian had said attachment is forbidden... so you get him attached to you instead? Brilliant.

Ahsoka sighed. She couldn't ignore the magnetism between them, but she had to resist it. There was a bigger picture she had been conveniently ignoring. But... No. Don't go there.

Chapter 2:

"Excuse me," Ahsoka said, poking her head into the doorway of the Lars' compound. She'd managed to survive the two-day trip here without the senator finding out she was on board. She'd found a small room in the aft part of the ship that had a bed and a refresher; probably a servant's quarters. Whenever she'd been certain Padmé was asleep or in another part of the ship, she'd sneak into the galley through the ventilation ducts and get a snack. Otherwise she stayed out of sight as much as possible. "Sorry to barge in, but I'm a little lost, could you tell me if there's a city or village in that direction?" She said pointing one of her lightsabers to her left. 

 The Lars family, including Anakin and Padmé, piled out of the doorway to look in the direction she pointed. One of them grabbed monoculars and scanned the horizon. "No city," the one-legged fellow in the motor chair said, "but maybe a Tusken camp."

 A girl not much younger than herself gasped, "look at all the smoke!" She said. 

 "From the tracks we found, that's the direction they went with your mother." The older man said, glancing at Anakin. Ahsoka felt him tense up beside her. "But it's not like the Tuskens to draw so much attention to themselves."

 "Well, I'm already headed in that direction, young Jedi. If you'd like to come along, perhaps I can help you find who you're looking for."

 Anakin gave her a grateful look and then turned to Padmé. “Stay here, senator. These are good people, you’ll be safe.”

 “Be careful,” Padmé replied hugging him, then she gave Ahsoka a critical and distrusting look. Ahsoka bowed slightly and turned towards one of the two speeder bikes parked near the main house. 

 “Do you mind if we borrow these?” She looked back to the man in the motor chair.

 “If there’s a chance you can find my wife, please take them.” He replied. He must be Cliegg Lars. She nodded her thanks and then looked back in the direction of the smoke as she waited for Anakin to join her. She had a bad feeling about what they were going to find out there.

 She’d hoped by reporting Shmi as a runaway slave that the Hutts would track her down and they could sort out the political mess later. But from the looks of the billowing black smoke rising high above the hazy horizon… the sand people’s entire compound must be on fire. If the Hutts were responsible for such destruction to capture a ‘runaway’ slave… perhaps dealing with the sand people directly would have been easier. 

 Anakin hopped onto the second speeder bike and they both took off in that direction. She was focused on their destination, but she felt his emotions wafting back at her through the force. She could sense his anger, but dwarfing that was his fear. He was afraid of what they’d find when they arrived at the ruins of the camp. Was she equipped to help him deal with his grief? Would she be strong enough? I can only hope it won’t come to that.

 After an hour of travel time they stopped on the top of the ridge peering down at the smoldering remains of a Tusken camp. At least a hundred tents had all been burned to the ground, bodies were strewn around with blaster wounds and bad burns. Her shoulders dropped. Sand people may be the enemy of desert settlers, but this was pure genocide. By trying to save his mother had she inadvertently led these people to their destruction?

 Anakin was crouching by the edge, scanning the wreckage. There was turmoil in him too. Hatred yet sorrow. A conflicting mix of knowing what you’re supposed to feel and the disconnect with what you do feel. She rested a hand on his shoulder and he looked up at her. “What do you sense?”

 “She’s not here.” He replied. Ahsoka breathed a little easier, there might still be a chance to save her. “But she was.” He said, swallowing. “I can feel her pain, like in my nightmares. They tortured her.” She felt his anger rise off him; stronger through their connection. He stood up so fast her hand slid off his shoulder. “They got what they deserved.” He growled with a raw primal utterance of emotion.

 She wanted to cry out that he couldn’t mean that, this wasn’t the Anakin she knew. But from everything she was feeling in the force… he did mean it. What could she possibly say or do to guide him? What would a Jedi do? She put her hand on his arm and turned him to face her and she stared up searchingly at his face. “Anakin,” she breathed. From the look on his face, he was daring her to challenge his feelings. “What happened here was not justice,” she started cautiously. “This was annihilation.”

He fumed for a moment but to her relief his anger was beginning to recede. “I’m sorry,” he muttered, looking away.

 “Don’t be sorry,” she said soothingly, reaching up to take his face in her hands. He looked at her again. “Emotions are a natural part of life, but what we do with them is what defines who we are. A Jedi must learn to control them, not because they are wrong, but so that we can act with clarity.”

 She brushed the tear away that slid down his cheek. “I just miss her so much. I know I’m not supposed to, but I do.”

 I know the feeling… she almost said. “I know,” she said instead.

 “It’s hard to ignore it.”

 “Never ignore your feelings, Anakin. Act on them, but do so deliberately. Focus them into intention; for peace and justice.”

 He was silent for a few moments, searching her eyes. He was lost, confused, conflicted. She held him while he searched himself too, keeping her senses cast over him so she could feel everything he was. It was painful and overwhelming, but also oddly comforting to be standing there beside him again. Even when his pain had become too much to handle before, she’d never wished to leave his side. That feeling had only become stronger here. 

 “It wasn’t an accident you found me on Naboo,” he commented.

 No, she wanted to say, but she stayed silent. He didn’t need an answer; he already knew. 

 “I’m glad you did.”

 She smiled at him. “Me too.” She said simply.

 “The force works in mysterious ways.” He said finally. You have no idea…

 “Come on,” she said after a few moments. “Let’s see if we can find your mother.” She leapt off the cliff, using the force to slow her fall and landed gracefully in the valley below. He landed softly beside her seconds later. 

 “Over here,” he called after they’d been searching for a while.

 “What did you find?” she asked joining him.

 “Tracks.” She looked around them. There were tracks in every direction both from animals and people, what was so special about these? “Gamorreans.” She was grateful she hadn’t been forced to admit her ignorance. “Hutt lackeys.” He said matching his gaze to the direction they headed.

 So, I was responsible for this… “Is it common for there to be conflict between the Hutt cartel and the sand people?” She asked. “I was under the impression only settlers had trouble with the Tuskens.”

 “It depends,” he said. “I know they’ve battled in the past because the Tuskens would encroach on Hutt territory. But for Jabba to send out his guards to slaughter them like this… It was either personal or they were looking for someone.”

 “Who could they be looking for?”

 “My best guess is a slave.” Anakin replied solemnly. “Smugglers and pirates would know better than to seek refuge with the sand people. Only a slave would be that desperate.” 

 “They’d do all of this to capture a runaway slave?” she was horrified.

 “A slave’s value far outweighs the lives of transients. It makes them rich, gives them prestige. Without slavery, the Hutts would be nothing.” His anger was rising again. She stopped asking questions. 

 “I suggest we pay this Jabba the Hutt a visit then.”

 “My thoughts exactly.” He replied clenching his fist. She wanted to say something about restraint or warn him to be careful or call him down from the edge. But she couldn’t. She simply hoped that as long as he believed he was in the presence of a Jedi master, he’d behave more diplomatically. Although, she was starting to think he wasn’t truly convinced she was one. He played along, of course, but there was doubt in his eyes when he looked at her. “So how come I’ve never seen you around the temple?” he asked as they climbed back up the ridge to where they’d left the speeder bikes.

 “Oh, well…” she scrambled to find a good enough excuse. It would be easy if she was still a youngling since he didn’t come near them, but most masters take turns teaching classes and you at least see them around, even if you’ve not met them all. “I’m rarely at the temple. I prefer to let the force dictate my direction rather than the senate.” She grinned at him.

 “Must be nice to not be ordered around all the time.” he commented.

 “It is and it isn’t,” she replied. “The force guides me, but rarely in easy directions. I never know where I’m going or what to expect. At least the council gives you briefings.” She chuckled, thinking about all the time spent being bored while one of the masters droned on about the latest mission. And how her and Anakin had often made faces at each other during them. Or lewd imitations of master Yoda or master Windu. Thinking back, it was surprising they survived that war, they hardly ever took it seriously. They did on the battlefield of course, when it was do or die. But the rest of the time it had just been a game to them. Not all of us did survive it… she reminded herself.

 “You sound like you miss it.” He said. She glanced at him hoping he couldn’t see the water building in her eyes.

 “The path I’m on can get very lonely,” she said hoarsely, trying to swallow her emotions. She had just told him to always act on his, but if she acted on hers… Well, it could really screw things up. If she hadn’t already… she thought back to their kiss in the closet on the ship. Despite years of training… she had never learned restraint. I’m sorry, Skyguy.

 “You know...” he said before climbing on his speeder and starting the engine. “If you ever do come back to the temple, well, my door is always open. I’d serve with you anytime. Or we could just talk.”

 She smiled and looked down, thankful that he’d turned his back to mount the bike so he hadn’t seen the sorrow that had surely etched her face. It was amazing the difference a few months could make. It made her heart ache to know that something awful had to have happened in the short amount of time before she’d become his padawan. She was suddenly determined to do anything she could to stop what had caused him so much pain. 

 ---

 In the distance, she could just make out the domed towers of Jabba’s palace. It had taken several hours to get this far; they sped towards it in silence. With all the dust, wind and noise, it would have been pointless to try to talk anyways. She didn’t mind the quiet, his presence was enough. She could feel his anticipation mounting the closer they got to their destination. She wondered how they were going to talk their way through this. If Jabba had ordered the destruction of an entire population of drifters to capture a slave, it wasn’t likely he’d just hand her over to them. Assuming she was still alive in the first place.

 They dismounted outside and were greeted by several bounty hunters and a protocol droid. "We request an audience with the magnificent Jabba." Ahsoka said, bowing politely. While bent over she glanced at Anakin who was glaring at them with no intention of bowing. She subtly kicked him. Finally, he gave in and gave a curt nod, she figured that was the best she'd get. 

 "Right this way," the protocol droid responded not seeming to notice Anakin's hostile attitude. They followed it inside. Jabba lounged on a raised dais in the center of the room. All manner of bounty hunters or other creatures seeking his favor were crowded around the room drinking and watching skinny Twi'lik dancers prance about the room. A band was playing upbeat music in the corner and Jabba was nodding to the rhythm with his eyes closed. 

 The droid tottered over to the Hutt and whispered something to it. His eyes popped open as he glared down at them. He spoke in his own language with the droid translating. Though if she wasn't mistaken, she was certain Anakin understood him because she could feel his responses to things Jabba said before the translation was given. 

 "The mighty Jabba wishes to know why you've interrupted his party."

 "We are humbly sorry, your worship," Ahsoka replied ignoring the gagging noise that Anakin was making beside her. "We are looking for an escaped slave, and since you are the ruler of this fine planet, we came to request your assistance." Apparently she managed to grovel just enough for Jabba to be cooperative.

 "His high exalted will help you find your missing property." She had to reach out and grab Anakin's arm so he didn't respond violently to the Hutt's comments. 

 "We are most gracious, mighty Jabba. We are looking for a slave named Shmi Skywalker." She replied. 

 "The glorious Jabba suggests that you look in the dungeon. His guards recently captured a runaway hiding amongst the Tuskens. If your slave is among them, he will release it for a finders fee of 200,000 credits."

 "What?" Anakin said, reaching for his weapon only to have ten different blasters pointed at them. 

 "Pardon my young friend here, he's still learning your customs. We will gladly pay your fee if she is among your prisoners." Jabba ordered several guards to escort them to the cells, and they bowed to him, and followed them out of the room.

 "Why are you negotiating with that slug?" Anakin demanded the moment they were out of the room. "I don't have any money to give him, it's outrageous!"

 "Calm yourself," she replied. "Sometimes you have to play their games." 

 "Now you sound like my master." He scowled. 

 "And who is your master?" She asked conversationally. As if she didn't know.

 "Obi wan." He said.

 "Ah yes, master Kenobi. The negotiator." She chuckled. "There is credence in playing their little mind games, but it's not always the best way to solve a problem. Right now, we need to establish if she's even here. Which we wouldn't be able to do if we'd made Jabba mad up there." She said pointing above them. 

 He hung his head. "You're right, I'm sorry." She stopped. She hated hearing him apologize for everything. He looked at her curiously.

 "Your emotions rule you, young Skywalker. Remember what I said about focusing them into intention and clarity?"

 "Yes," he said shuffling his feet. 

 “Take a deep breath," she said waiting for him to do so. "Feel the force surround you. Good, now think about your goal. With it in sight, let the force flood around it showing you the path ahead." She watched him for a moment, his face screwed up in concentration and then his shoulders relaxed and he opened his eyes looking at her more calmly. "Now lead the way."

 She followed him into the depths of the dungeon. "I wish we could save them all." He said as they walked past cell after cell of desolate, hopeless people. 

 "Me too," she replied sadly. "But we're ill equipped at the moment to start a war with the Hutts." She saw his shoulders slump and she wanted to hug him. She remembered his pain on Kiros when he found out slavers had kidnapped its entire population. She'd promised him that she would help him wipe out slavery throughout the galaxy when the war was over, but they'd never been given that chance. At least during that mission, they'd had the help of the Jedi council and the Republic senate. Right now though, it was just the two of them, trying to save someone he was attached to. Not only would the council disapprove, if they had to resort to violence, it could cause a war between the Jedi and the Hutts. With the other war coming soon... that was the last thing they needed. 

 "Mom!" Anakin said running to a cell at the end of the second row. 

 "Ani?" The women replied coughing. She was in terrible shape. "Is it really you? My little Ani?"

 "I'm here, ma!" He replied reaching through the bars to hold her. Ahsoka felt a lump form in her throat as she watched Anakin turn into a little child in his mother's arms. "We're going to get you out of here. Hang on!" 

 "Stay here, I'll go negotiate her release." Ahsoka turned but then was called back by his mother. Shmi reached through the bars and gripped her hand tightly. Ahsoka looked at her scarred and bloody face. Her heart aching as she felt her immense pain. His mother stared up at her with pleading eyes and she understood intuitively that she was begging Ahsoka to take care of her son. She swallowed hard and nodded her promise. For just one moment, she was certain that Shmi knew the truth of who she was. She didn't know how, but... she was sure she did. Ahsoka squeezed her hand reassuringly. "I'll be right back." 

 She left them both on their knees on the dirt covered stone trying to hold each other through the thick, rusty metal bars. 

 She returned ten minutes later to find them still in the same position. She pointed the guard with the key to her cell door. He unlocked it for them and Anakin caught his mother in his arms as she tried to stand up. 

“Let’s get out of here before Jabba ups the price again.” Ahsoka mumbled, putting her arm around Shmi’s other side to help her up the stairs.

 “He did what?” Anakin asked furiously.

“Shh…” Ahsoka responded instead. “I took care of it.” Was all she’d say. She didn’t want to tell him it had cost her all but thirty credits of the money she’d been desperately trying to hold onto since the end of the Clone Wars. She didn’t want to give him anymore reasons to get angry or feel guilty. She’d paid the ransom without hesitation, even though she had a hunch Shmi wouldn’t recover from her ordeal. But at least if they could get her out of this awful, smelly place, they’d have a chance to make up for some lost time. She hoped it would be enough.

 ---

 Ahsoka left the sad scene unfolding inside the medical facility in Mos Eisley. Between the torture and the infections growing in her wounds, there wasn't a lot the doctors could do for Anakin's mother. They got her cleaned up and comfortable, but the damage had already been done. They'd called the Lars family to tell them they found her so they'd come to meet them in town right away. Padmé had stood close to Anakin's side with her arm around his back to comfort him. They all stood around Shmi's bed in their vigil of respect.

 She didn't feel as though she belonged in there, so she'd slipped outside the first chance she could. She sat on a bench in the late afternoon heat, watching the diverse crowd of aliens, humans and droids bustle about as merchants shouted trying to hock their goods, but were often drowned out by rumbling ships arriving and departing from the spaceport not far away. Anakin joined her after a while and they sat in silence watching the twin suns set behind the rounded stone tops of the sand colored buildings.

 She could feel the mountain of grief weighing him down and wished that she could have done more to help him. She'd been so sure that saving his mother had been her trial but if it had been, she'd failed miserably. What would happen now? "I'm sorry about your mother," she said softly. He didn't respond at first so she glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. Tears were falling down his cheeks, but she didn't reach out to wipe them away this time.

 "Why do people we love have to die?" He asked hoarsely. She wasn't sure how to answer him at first. She thought about all the people she'd lost through the years. Each one more painful than the last. She'd never let herself ask why, it was just the way it was. Some people live, some people die. There never seemed to be a rhyme or reason to who was chosen for either. Losing him had been the hardest for her. She'd spent many sleepless nights asking the force why she'd survived when he hadn't. She'd never been given an acceptable explanation. Maybe there wasn't one.

 "I don't know," she said at last. "I guess it's the cost of living. I like to think though, that once they become part of the force, they're not really gone. If anything, they're closer than ever. Something we can reach to when we're feeling alone. Something that gives us strength when we're scared or lost. They become part of everything we do and in their memory, we keep fighting for what's good. And use their energy only for peace and light. To honor them." As her words fell in the space between them, he reached out and took her hand. Holding it as if that simple act could cure anything. She poured all the love that she contained into her hand so that he would feel it.

 “I feel like I failed her.” He said after a long time.

 “You didn’t.” she replied simply. I’m the one that failed…

 “How can you be so sure? I didn’t save her! I wasn’t strong enough!”

 “Strength had nothing to do with it, Anakin. And you did save her. Maybe not her life, but you saved her soul. She had a chance to say goodbye to someone she thought she lost ages ago. You made her life complete. You brought her peace. Don’t ignore that.”

 “You said the force often guides you in difficult directions.” She nodded at his comment. “I’m glad it led you here.” She smiled at him, but before she could respond, Padme came out of the medical facility and they let go of each other’s hand.

 “I’m so sorry, Anakin.” The senator said hugging him. Anakin looked over Padme’s shoulder at Ahsoka a little sheepishly. She just gestured to carry on and went back to watching the sunset. Though she couldn’t help but watch them out of the corner of her eye. After everything she’d shared with him, it hurt to see their intimacy. She had no reason to be jealous really, there was no hope for them in this time; or her own, for that matter. She looked down at her drab but practical attire. The high neck tunic, long pants, gloves, boots and plain belt. Next to Senator Amidala’s sky-blue two-piece attire, long flowing curly brown hair and elaborate silver headpiece, why would he find her attractive anyways? She dressed to fight, the senator… well she dressed to impress.

 Her attention shifted to the little blue and white astromech droid that rolled up to where they were gathered, followed by a silver protocol droid that looked like he’d never been finished.

 “Artoo? What are you doing here?” Padme asked as though annoyed to see the droid. If only she knew how special he was. R2D2 beeped a series of different noises.

 “He says he’s carrying a message from an Obi wan Kenobi. Do you know anyone by that name? I tried to get him to wait on the ship until you returned, my lady, but he was quite insistent it was important to tell you immediately.” The protocol droid chattered.

 They hailed a rickshaw to take them to the shuttleport; after climbing in the two-seater with the senator, Anakin called back to Ahsoka to see if she was coming. Ahsoka shrugged but then said she’d meet them there. She politely said goodbye to the Lars family, offering them her condolences and then ran down the street; raced past the rickshaw, climbed up a building, looked back in their direction and winked at him, then she flipped over the far wall smiling to herself. Even if she knew she couldn’t come between him and Padme, she couldn’t stop herself from showing off just a little. His expression had been priceless. As interested as he was in Senator Amidala, he was still a man of action and all this diplomacy and chivalry was boring him to death.

[clarencenicholsonata]

7 Exit Popup Tips For Engaging Visitors Without Being Too Annoying

If you’ve been searching for methods to increase your conversions at once, exit popups are the number-one weapon that will most certainly get you there.

Pop-ups are an effective way to not only drive conversions but also reduce website abandonment and grow your marketing list when used intelligently.

According to one recent case study, the inclusion of an exit popup increased leads by an impressive 13% for an online marketing platform.

While these numbers seem to be small, when you add a high volume website traffic to the mix, it translates to a significant amount of conversions and email subscribers. It also goes into showing the incredible difference in the design and execution of pop-ups can have on the website conversions.

Contrarily, poorly executed pop-ups can belittle your overall customer experience. They may disrupt the customer in their journey to make the purchase forcefully and therefore, generate bad brand sentiment.

Even worse, obtrusive pop-ups may isolate customers from your service and either slow down or entirely stagnate the growth of your business.

How do you use pop-ups without annoying customers? Read on to find out!

1. Make the User Experience a Priority

The experience that visitors have when they land on your website until the time they are about to exit, plays an important role in forging a lasting relationship with potential prospects. Perfecting the UX and CX and engaging visitors is a challenge for all websites.

However, if you time your pop-ups right without interrupting the browsing flow of visitors, your exit pop-up can add to the user experience instead of interruption or distraction.

When a visitor’s behavior shows they are about to abandon your site, exit-intent popups show up at just the right moment.

For instance, Hubspot’s free exit intent popup software allows a site to trigger pop-ups based on the user’s behavior wherein one can set scroll triggers, time triggers, or page targeting to display at the right time and the right place.

It’s the timing that’s key to prevent the popup from annoying your visitors. It’s also worth limiting the number of popup appearances. A particular popup should appear only once to unique visitors. This way, your visitors won’t feel like they are being harassed with an offer.

In addition, a beautiful, tasteful, and most importantly, a simple popup is much less annoying than a flashy or incomprehensible one. So make every effort to design elegant overlays.

One example of a simple yet elegant popup is the one that the team at Coschedule uses:

2. Make Sure Your Popup is Clickable

There is nothing more annoying than a pop-up that the visitor can’t get rid of. Often the users will end up abandoning the website altogether if they can’t close the pop-up notification.

With an increasingly large number of users using mobile devices for browsing, this has become a major issue. Since the touch target is smaller, they face issues in closing the pop-ups adding to the annoyance of pop-ups.

Your pop-up needs to work well on desktop as well as mobile devices so special consideration needs to be given to the responsive design.

Designing the popups for mobile is something you need to keep in mind for ensuring engaging visitor experiences.

For example, this exit popup by Nick O’Neil has clickable text with a clear Call to Action (CTA) using the actionable verb “download”, and states the name of the guide, so interested viewers know what they will get when they take the action to click.

Ready to start using powerful popups for your website?

Book a free call to learn how our team of marketing experts can help you create high converting website popups today.

3. Embed a Progress Bar within the Exit Popup

A psychological phenomenon that causes people to feel uncomfortable upon witnessing incomplete situations or things is termed as the 'Zeigarnik Effect’. The majority of online marketers today utilize this phenomenon to generate leads.

You too can harness the Zeigarnik Effect to your advantage by ingraining an idea of incompleteness in your visitors’ minds. This can easily be done by adding a progress bar reading anything less than 100%. Your readers will then want to perform the required actions to get a full bar.

Here is one excellent example of how a progress bar can be embedded within the exit popup without coming across as too annoying.

4. Overcome Objections Commonly Faced by Customers

What if your prospect is faltering to make a purchase from you simply due to one small objection, and if you could overcome that, would it be the last nudge they need for getting converted to a customer?

Here are some of the most common objections that online visitors have, and the ways in which you can prevail over them:

I need to think about it first: People make any purchase based on emotion, therefore, if your website tries to nudge them on an emotional level all along, you’ll likely overcome this objection.

I will find a cheaper deal elsewhere: Demonstrate how you’re the best value or the best price around. You can also place a comparison chart on your website’s homepage.

I’m happy with what I have at the moment: Show them how their life will be far better once they avail of your product/service.

I don’t have the budget right now: Offer a payment plan. Or, justify your plan with calculations on how your service will actually save/make them money in the long run.

I’m not certain if it is the best-suited work for me: Offer a free trial.

I don’t have time right now: Throw in a limited-time bonus.

Sam Ovens does an incredible job of facing common objections that can cause visitors to bounce from his site, Consulting.com.

To better convert visitors, he provides a 14-day money-back guarantee, the choice to split payments out over time, and a special 6-month interest-free offer from PayPal.

5. Generate scarcity to grab a customer’s interest

“When our freedom to have something is limited,” Robert Cialdini says of scarcity, “the item becomes less available, and we experience an increased desire for it. However, we rarely recognize that the psychological reactance has caused us to want the item more; all we know is that we want it.”

It’s a well-known fact that scarcity (having less of something) greatly fuels a buyer’s impulse. Nobody wants to cast aside the increased probability of getting something they want, and it sure as hell doesn’t feel good when someone else gets it and you don’t.

Booking.com utilizes a popup during the reservation process to inform users how many other people are looking at the same hotel as them.

What it subtly implies is- “Better act before someone else gets your room!”

Use exit-intent related scarcity to get people to think twice before they abandon your website. You could offer a discounted price, but only for a limited time period or the first few who opt-in.

You could display a countdown ticker within the exit popup itself that shows how many more items are left at that price, and how quickly they’re getting sold. Here is an example of how you can do that:

6. Present a Survey

Surveys are an excellent way to learn more about your website visitors and how you can implement changes within your website to better meet their needs.

However, many websites set them floating at the wrong times, which makes for awful user experience.

Envision landing on a website for the very first time and being hit with a survey immediately about how your experience has been on the said site or, being right in the middle of a purchase, and getting cut in by a popup survey.

Both of these scenarios would leave you annoyed, right?

The best thing about exit popups is that they don’t interrupt you while you’re doing something on the page. This makes exit popups all-the-more suited for surveys.

You just need to make sure that you don’t encompass a survey on your homepage, or on any other page that wouldn’t be on the same wavelength as someone filling out your survey.

Here are some regularly named causes you can include to your website exit survey:

The information displayed regarding the product/service isn’t enough

The value of the product/service offered doesn’t match the price

Lack of trust for a new brand

The user flow or process (registration/download/checkout) is too complicated

Getting in touch with the technical support team is quite tedious

Here’s one intelligent example of a website abandonment survey by Qualaroo:

Always be deferential of your visitor’s time and don’t expect them to fill out a survey for nothing. Give them something in exchange for it, such as a free deal.

7. Leverage the Power of Reverse Psychology

Another reason visitors often bail on your website is that they’re simply fatigued. But as a matter of fact, if you can make them laugh or even smile, it will be difficult for them to turn a deaf ear to your parting offer.

For instance, the opt-out or ‘No’ link can read, “No, I’d rather not receive free deals in my inbox.”

In this case, seeing this link, the visitor will reconsider their option to opt-out and think, “Ok, why not?

I like free deals, I can read the emails when they arrive and decide later, ok I’ll signup.” KlientBoost uses the “pile of poo” emoji, those cute, smiling piles of poop, to lighten the mood:

“A choice can leave doubt in people’s minds if they did make the right decision or not,” said Krista Bunskoek on Wishpond.

“If someone said ‘No,’ that choice can linger on in their minds and there’s more likelihood of them coming back to your site anyway.”

Final Words

Finally, to summarize it all up, you just need to look into a few simple things to engage visitors with exit popups in an intelligent manner.

First and foremost, make the user’s experience a priority. Your website can include endless exceptional features but it's nothing if you can’t really keep your visitors hooked onto it, right up till they plan on exiting.

Then comes the fact that your website has to be responsive, no matter which device the visitor is accessing it through. The exit popup needs to be equally clickable across all devices and have a clear call-to-action. Because that’s the whole point of having an exit popup placed toward the end, isn’t it?

Grab your website visitor’s interest by embedding a progress bar within the exit popup so that they have a fair idea of how much more time they will have to invest within your website before they can acquire whatever they’re looking for.

Don’t leave a single stone unturned from your end. Overcome objections commonly faced by your website visitors within the exit popup in order to get their attention back to the ease of buying from/ investing in your brand.

Scarcity greatly fuels a buyer’s impulse. Use exit-intent related scarcity to get people to think twice before they abandon your website.

The best thing about exit popups is that they don’t interrupt you while you’re doing something on the page. This makes exit popups all-the-more suited for surveys.

Lastly, add a tinge of humor to your exit popup mix and you’ll see all the more conversions happening. We all like the one who can make us laugh, don't we?

The above-mentioned tips are just some of the ways you can design exit popups that work well in your favor.

You can choose any of these to harness maximum returns from this feature, the only thing to keep in mind is that you are looking to provide value to your customers and design a strategy that appeals to your target audience.

About the Author

Rahul Varshneya is the co-founder and President of Arkenea. Rahul has been featured as a technology thought leader in numerous media channels such as Bloomberg TV, Forbes, HuffPost, Inc, among others.

from RSSMix.com Mix ID 8230801 https://ift.tt/2PNUDol via IFTTT

[safetoshare]

My story is a bit different than most, in that it has a relatively happy ending. 

In October 2015, when I was 15 years old, I was raped. Orally raped, technically, but given that rape is any form of nonconsensual penetration, I don’t feel that I owe specific details to anyone. So I just say I was raped, because really, it doesn’t make a difference where my body was violated. 

It happened at a church youth group. I had been going for about 2 years, since I was in the 7th or 8th grade (I was a sophomore in HS at the time of the assault). That’s where I met Jackson. I never paid him much attention; he was a run-of-the-mill jock who always caused trouble but never did anything bad. 

In March 2015, at a youth group outing, we started flirting. I thought I had a “crush” on him. About a month later, he asked for my number. When he spelled his name in my phone, he wrote Jaxson, which I thought was badass and intriguing. I was excited that a popular football player was paying attention to me. 

We didn’t really talk after that until a night in May when he texted me out of the blue. He told me that he had always thought I was pretty, and he’d wanted to tell me before, but he’d bailed out. He asked me if I had ever hooked up with someone. When I told him I hadn’t, he asked me if I’d want to hook up with him, or if I “wasn’t like that”. I said “sure” and we made plans to meet in a park the next day. 

May 4, 2015. I met him in the park. We made out. He wanted to go further; I said no. He would stop (trying to grope and finger me) when I said no, but he would start up again less than a minute later. He was like an octopus - his hands where always somewhere, and the second I would pull one out, another one would go in somewhere else. This being my first sexual interaction ever, I had no idea that this wasn’t okay. Besides, it’s not like he forced me. He was just so into me that he couldn’t control himself, I told myself. He’s just a teenage boy. He really wanted me.  

Later I found out he had hooked up with 4 other girls (my best friend’s friends) that same week. We all made a group chat to gossip about him and kind of cut him off. 

October 25, 2015. I went to youth group that Sunday. I was never very religious, but my mom made me go, and since it wasn’t a very religious group anyways, I didn’t mind. Jaxson was there, and it was only the second time since I’d seen him since May. We went to go get pizza. Everyone piled into the car - I was on the left in the back seat; he was in the middle, and the youth group leader drove us. On the way back to the youth group center, he started touching my leg. Soon he was prying my legs open and trying to finger me - in a car full of people. I was shocked and terrified, but I didn’t say a word, for fear that someone would notice. 

When we arrived back at the youth group, Jaxson told me to meet him in the bathroom. The center used to be a priest’s house, so the bathroom was a house bathroom - co-ed, that is. I complied, thinking we’d maybe kiss, which I was fine with doing. 

When I got to the bathroom, Jaxson told me to go wash my hands. I did. When I came out, he was standing in the doorway with his pants down. He told me to “blow him”. I said no, not right now, not like this, I don’t want to, maybe later, I’m not sure, there’s not enough time, people are going to come. I was scared. Once I realized that he wouldn’t take no for an answer, I started doing what he said. About 5 seconds into it, I tried to stop, and that’s when it happened. He pushed my head down forcefully with his hands, making me choke and gag. I couldn’t breathe. I was trying to pull away, but every time I tried, be pushed my head down harder and said “don’t stop” and “keep going”. I held my breath and willed myself to not pass out. I don’t know why I didn’t bite down - I froze. Finally he finished, and I got up and left, without a word. 

November 22, 2015. My dad drove me to the local police station at 10 pm. I was ready to report; after spending a month consulting friends and online resources, I had decided that what happened to me was, indeed, assault. I had no idea how terribly sexual assault cases are handled in the justice system, and if I had known, I would likely not have reported. I am so, so very glad that I did. I met with a female detective and a two hour long interview. She was so kind and I felt incredibly safe. At one point she asked me what I was wearing, but she prefaced it by telling me that it really didn’t matter, and it was only protocol. 

Two days later I came back to do a pretext phone call (recorded call) with Jackson, where the police got a recorded confession from him saying that yes, I had said no, and yes, he had ignored me, and “fuck, sorry”. 

Months went by. I called the police officer to check back in. She directed me to probation. I started getting generic letters from the courts saying that my case had an official case number now. 

July 2016. I received notice that my case had been taken up by a prosecutor in juvenile court! My DA became my idol. She was young, friendly, she listened to me, and she was dedicated to my case. I attended every hearing between then and November. 

On November 17, the case was set to close. Jackson had been charged with two felonies - oral copulation with a minor, and oral copulation by force or fear. He was going to plea to the first count, which was a lesser charge that could be sealed from his record when he turned 18 (a year from now). I had expressed my displeasure of this outcome to the DA prior, but she reminded me that juvenile court was intended for rehabilitation an not punishment, so a plea was totally acceptable. 

So on November 17, I showed up to court ready for the case to close. Instead, the DA informed me that things had changed, and another girl had reported him for rape. The DA felt that unless he was punished, Jaxson would do this again, and she wanted to take the case to trial to get a sex offense on his permanent record. 

I cried when she told me. This was such a blessing. Not that he had assaulted someone else, but that now there was a chance at justice. 

The case went to trial in mid December, right during finals week. I enjoyed the direct exam quite a bit, actually. Cross exam went pretty badly, but I did well. At one point, I answered a question in a way that shifted the blame right back on to Jackson, and it stunned the defense attorney into silence for a moment. Good. 

Jackson cried during the trial, which made me happy. During multiple occasions, I made eye contact with him and his mother. 

So anyways, Jackson was found guilty of one felony count of oral copulation by force or fear. California law deems that a 707(b) felony offense, which means that even though it’s in juvenile court, the offense is so serious that it stays on his permanent record. Other examples of 707(b) offenses are arsony and murder. That made me feel validated, that my assault really was that bad. 

During sentencing, I read an 11 page long victim impact statement. I grilled Jackson. I grilled the defense attorney. I grilled his parents. It was so fucking powerful. I had been warned in advance that this judge was incredibly unsympathetic to victims and would likely try to cut me off, but she didn’t, not even once. 

My statement made the DA choke up. It made Jackson put his head between his knees in shame. It compelled the Judge to admonish him for 15 minutes after I was done. The DA later told me that in her entire time working with this judge, never once had she seen her admonish a juvenile during sentencing. Not once. One line that the judge said to Jackson that really stood out to me was “Young man, this type of behavior is not going to be tolerated. Not now, not in the "real world”. If you are still doing this by the time you get to college, you will be back here.“

He only got probation and sex offender counseling, but it is still on his permanent record. That’s not enough for me, but it’s more than I ever expected. 

So here I am, a year later. How am I doing? Depends on the day. Sometimes the flashbacks torment me and eat me alive. Sometimes I am doing just fine. But there hasn’t been a single day, with the exception of one, where I haven’t thought about it.

The thing is, if I had the chance to go back and undo my assault, I would not. As horrible as it was, I feel that it has made me a better, braver, fiercer, stronger person. Because of the assault, I am now an activist. Because of the assault, I now know that I want to become a district attorney, and pursue justice for people like me. 

Sorry for the rant. That’s my story I guess. There’s no real ending because it’s still in progress.