#excalibur watches revenger

[ryoflix]

sukuna dealing with mosquitos during the summer | f. reader, s/h prns., crack 'n fluff, estb. rl ؛ ଓ

summer hit like a slap to the face — heat hanging thick in the air, fans spinning like they’re chasing god, and your house sealed tighter than a fortress. you’ve done your part: citronella, netting, repellent patches, the whole holy arsenal. but sukuna? sukuna has declared war.

he’s shirtless again — because, of course — wearing nothing but loose sweatpants and a tank top clinging to his back from the humidity. and in his hand, at all times, like a holy relic? the electric mosquito bat. his weapon of choice. his excalibur. he paces the hallways at night like a sentry. you caught him once, just standing in the kids’ doorway at midnight, eyes narrowed, scanning the ceiling.

“what are you doing?” you whispered.

he didn’t even turn his head. “heard something.”

“it’s one mosquito.”

“one is all it takes.” his voice low, almost growling. “you saw what it did to her leg last week. looked like a damn curse mark.”

and he meant it. because ever since your daughter waddled in with a swollen red bump and tearful eyes, sukuna’s been on edge. visibly off. it’s not about the bump. it’s about the audacity. his child. bitten. by some nobody insect. 

he lost sleep over that. actual sleep. paced the living room like a general planning revenge. googled “dengue symptoms” on your phone until it nearly overheated. now he carries that mosquito bat the way others might cradle a baby.

and the moment he hears it — the faintest bzzt in the air — he’s on his feet. doesn’t matter if he was lounging half-asleep with his head on your lap, sweat slick across his neck, sighing about how tired he is. the buzz sounds, and he snaps up like a statue come to life.

you watch from the kitchen as he prowls through the living room, bat raised like a god ready to smite. the twins, already in their pajamas, peek out from behind the couch like it’s movie night.

ZZZZzAP!

he strikes. the mosquito falls with a sizzle and a tiny spark, like a defeated villain. sukuna stands over it, chest heaving, a little dramatic for someone who once leveled cities. “got it,” he mutters, brushing a hand across his brow like he just ended a battle.

“daddy’s so strong,” your daughter sighs, cradling her stuffed bear.

“so strong,” your son echoes, fists clenched in admiration.

sukuna glances back at them, then at you, trying to downplay the sheer pride swelling in his chest. “...someone’s gotta keep this place safe,” he mumbles, slapping the bat against his palm. “not like those bug strips do shit.”

“uh-huh,” you say, casually spraying repellent into the air behind him. he doesn’t notice. he’s already scanning the ceiling again.

later that night, with the twins fast asleep and the hum of the ceiling fan barely masking the night noises outside, sukuna sits on the edge of the bed, still holding the bat like it’s an extension of his soul. you curl beside him and nudge his arm. “you coming to bed, or you gonna interrogate the walls?”

he doesn’t move, eyes narrowed.

“just one more patrol.”

and sure enough — another faint buzz.

he’s gone before you can blink.

sizzle.

peace, restored. warrior, satisfied. family, safe.

[larluce]

Arthur and Merlin travel back in time without knowing the other is from the future too AU

Tagging @aceauthorcatqueen , @fallenxjas , @smileytrinity ,@lucifertookmyshoe , @an-entity-i-think , @thecornerofbelu , @griffonskies , @odinjm , @cinnabon-sweetroll-tiramisu , @thelady-mary , @bennedict , @nightninjaboy , @st8-of-grace , @star-rie , @error-username-not-available , @dogberryrowan , @jamieweasley13 , @tansyuduri , @tercais , @robynnemrys , @evadne01 , @serasvictoria02 , @hairdryerducks , @hopeaha , @curiously-lazy , @ harriettesthings , @andrealux16 , @wacko-weirdo , @greatdonutenemy , @yougottobekittenme , @anxiousosaurus , @kinkforwings , @someweirdassnamee , @impracticalantlers

LINKS TO THE OTHER PARTS OF THIS AU HERE: PART 1 , PART 2 , PART 3 , PART 4 , PART 5 , PART 6 , PART 7 , PART 8 , PART 9 , PART 10 , PART 11 , PART 12 , PART 13 , PART 14 , PART 15 , PART 16 , PART 17 , PART 18 , PART 19 , PART 20 , PART 21 , PART 22 (You're here) , PART 23

In "Excalibur"

The black knight arrives as expected. Arthur this time lifts the gauntlet before any other knight can do so, much to Merlin's dismay, but at least he now knows what to do.

Kilgharrah: (watching Merlin arrive) Oh, until you finally deign to see me, young warlock.

Merlin: I'm sorry I didn't answer your calls. Many things happened.

Kilgharrah: (analyzes Merlin and realizes) Another old mind in a young body.

Merlin: (confused) What?

Kilgharrah: You are not from this time, are you young warlock?

Merlin: (sighs) I should have known you'd notice. Look, if you're going to give me the destiny and coin speech, I swear that-

Kilgharrah: I find it useless to talk to you about something you already have very present. However, I'm sure you didn't come here just to greet me. If so you would have come much sooner.

Merlin: (takes out the sword Gwen gave him) Arthur, the Once and the Future King of your prophecy, is going to duel with a wraith. It's not in your best interest for him to die, so I need you to reforge this sword so that Arthur won't die in combat-

Kilgharrah: I'll help you.

Merlin: I remind you that your revenge is with Uther, not with… Wait, you'll help me? 😧

Kilgharrah: You have a very strong argument. I can't deny that.

Merlin: And you won't try to convince me to free you in exchange either?

Kilgharrah: I don't want you to see my help as conditional, young warlock. I imagine that's why you've avoided coming to see me. I'll just ask you one thing. Where you come from, am I free?

Merlin: Yes… (Thinking) After you almost turned Camelot into ashes.

Kilgharrah: That's all I need to know. (Raises the sword towards him with magic) A sword forged with my assistance will have great power.

Merlin: I know.

Kilgharrah: Normally I'd say you can only guess, but in this case I know you are very aware, and yet there's still so much you don't know.

Merlin: I know that in the wrong hands this sword can cause great evil. I won't let that happen.

Kilgharrah: That's not what I meant. (comes closer) Do you know why you and Arthur are two sides of the same coin?

Merlin: (rolls his eyes) Yes, yes, the prophecy. We are the half that makes us whole. Arthur is my destiny. I already know all that. 😒

Kilgharrah: Indeed, but the curious thing about the sides of a coin is that, despite being literally glued together, they never see each other.

Merlin: (tired) I don't have time for this. Are you going to forge the sword or not?

Kilgharrah: (forges the sword) Hear my words, the sword must be wielded by Arthur and him alone. You must promise.

Merlin: I promise.

Kilgharrah: (returns the sword already forged to Merlin with magic)

Merlin: (looking at it wistfully) It's just as I remember it (looks up at Kilgharrah again, smiling) Thank you, Kilgharrah. (leaves)

Kilgharrah: Any time, young warlock. (Thinking) It is when the sides of the coin see each other that tragedies occur.

Time skip. Right after Merlin gave the sword to Arthur and just before he duels the black knight.

Merlin: (finishes putting Arthur his armor on) Ready, sire.

Arthur: (smirking) Won't you give me a hug?

Merlin: What?! 😳

Arthur: For luck, of course.

Merlin: (very red and confused) Since… since when are you so fond of hugs? (thinking) You were never this affectionate before...

Arthur: (opens up) I admit I didn't always like them. Wrong, I always liked them, but, as a prince, I'm not supposed to be affectionate. At least that's what my father always said. "Physical contact with royalty is a privilege, it cannot be given lightly" that was his phrase.

Merlin: (realizes, sad) The king doesn't… doesn't hug you much, does he? (Thinking) Now that I think about it, I don't remember a single time he did it.

Arthur: (thinking back) I think the last time he did it I was… 5 years old? Oh, don't look at me like that. I understand why he thought that was the best way to raise me, but it wasn't until recently that I realized… that's not how I want to live the rest of my life, or how I would raise my kids, you know? I don't want to deny myself the giving or receiving of affection, at least not when it comes to the people I care about.

Merlin: (understanding) That's why you hug Morgana more often now.

Arthur: And you. (Extends his arms) So? Will you give me my lucky hug or not?

Merlin: (laughs softly) As if you need it. (but he hugs him, thinking) I'm glad you trust me enough to tell me this and that you want to change. We've never... we've never hugged this much before... It's... it feels good. (melts in the hug)

Arthur: (thinking) I thought I'll never have you like this ever again... (pulls him closer) I don't want this to end. Gods, let me hold him forever. Please

Merlin: (thinking, scolding himself) Stop it! What will Arthur think? (gently separates the hug and says) There, you can go now.

Arthur: I don't think that's enough luck.

Merlin: (confused) Huh?

Arthur: I'm going to need this too (takes Merlin's neckerchief off)

Merlin: What?! 😨 What are you doing?! (He tries to get the neckerchief back from him) Give it back! Arthur! 😠

Arthur: (raising the nekerchief and dodging all of Merlin's attempts to take it from him) I need all the luck I can get, Merlin. And what's luckier than a favor?

Merlin: (very red, but pretending to be upset) Yes, but that's supposed to be with the favor of a lady! Not my-That's not how it works!

Arthur: Would you prefer that I ask a Lady hers?

Merlin: That's not... You don't need it! 😡

Arthur: I could die.

Merlin: (raises his voice in sudden panic) You are not going to die! (Composes himself) Sorry.

Servant x: (enters) Sire, they are waiting for you.

Arthur: I'll be right away. (puts the neckerchief around his arm) Merlin, help me, will you?

Merlin: (ties the neckerchief around Arthur's arm, blushing)

Servant x: (gives Merlin a knowing smile and then turns to Arthur) Your highness (bows and leaves)

Merlin: (sighs, thinking) Great... more rumors...

Arthur: Will you be cheering for me? 😏

Merlin: (snorts) You wish. (Softens his expression) But I'll be there. Just to make sure you don't ruin my neckerchief, of course.

Arthur: (starts to leave, but turns to Merlin) My lady (bows with a flirtatious smile and leaves)

Merlin: (in shock with eyes wide open) What the…? (turns red with fury and embarrassment) This clotpole is making fun of me! 😡

Arthur wins, of course. Merlin was definitely not clapping and cheering loudly and he definitely did not blush furiously when Arthur decided to give back his neckerchief publicly.

"He is taking this joke too far" is all Merlin can think when he gets back to his chamers, but he sleeps with a smile on his face and the neckerchief curled in his hand.

In "The moment of truth"

In Arthur's chambers. Arthur writes at his desk.

Merlin: (enters without knocking) Arthur!

Arthur: (startled, spills the ink with which he was writing on the parchment)

Merlin: Sorry... 😅

Arthur: (sighs, thinking) Some things just never change. (Says) Be useful for once and bring me another scroll, will you?

Merlin: (hurries to take out another scroll and gives it to him)

Arthur: (takes the parchment) Any special reason why you decided to burst into my chambers so suddenly or did you just miss me? (moves his eyebrows flirtuosly)

Merlin: (blushes) I...(thinking, freaking out internally) WHAT IS HE DOING?!😳😱😫. (Says, nervous) I just wanted to ask you if you could give me a few days off so I can visit my mother, sire. (doesn't look at him in the eye)

Arthur: (frowns, concerned) Is something wrong? You seem anxious.

Merlin: It is nothing, my lord. I just miss seeing my mother. I haven't been able to see her since I came to the castle.

Arthur: I see, that's understandable. (He puts the parchment aside and stands to look Merlin right in the eye, seriously) Now the truth.

Merlin: (thinking) Damn it! (sighs, giving up and says) I got a letter from her recently. The village I come from, where my mother lives, is being attacked by raiders. I promise I won't be gone for long, just until I'm sure she's save. She's my mother, Arthur. I need-

Arthur: I understand. You have my permission.

Merlin: (smiles) Thank you, Arthur (About to leave)

Arthur: Oh, take this (throws him a bag with supplies)

Merlin: (looking at the bag) What...?

Arthur: (Searches the room and grabs another bag) And this (throws it at Merlin too) and this (goes to Merlin and hangs the last bag around his neck). Yep, that's all, let's go.

Merlin: (confused) Go where, Sire?

Arthur: To Ealdor together.

Merlin: What? No! (Drops all things) Arthur, you can't come with me. The king will not allow it.

Arrhur: Did you really think I'll let you go alone?

Merlin: (thinking) I mean, you did came with me before, but no so soon! (Says) But, Uther-

Arthur: Don't worry about it. I'll solve it.

Merlin: But I need to go alone!

Arthur: Why?

Merlin: (thinking) Because I need to be able to use magic without you watching me! (Says) I…

Arthur: (thinking) I don't know how advanced you are at your magic, I'm not going to risk something happening to you... And I have to reduce numbers. (snorts) I know you think highly of yourself, Merlin, but I don't think you can take down a mugger patch all on your own.

Merlin: (thinking) If you only knew... (Says) You don't have to do it.

Arthur: True, but I want to.

Merlin: (smiles) I know and I really apreaciate it. Truly. But it's not just a matter of want. Ealdor is in another Kingdom and if there was a word that the Prince of Camelot went there- (thinking) The treaty with Cenred will be broken and it would be my fault again.

Despite Arthur never telling Merlin this in his other life, he knows Arthur going to Ealdor to help him played a great part in that to happen. He remembers Uther was furious with Arthur when he got back and throw him in the dungeons for a week. When Arthur finally got out he had several bruises on his skin. It was the first time Merlin ever consider killing Uther if even for a moment. Arthur never hold any of that against Merlin but that didn't make him feel any less guilty. He can't make Arthur go through that again.

Arthur: No one has to know I'm the Prince. Plus we could take it as a trip to Ealdor and I can finally meet your mother.

Merlin: (confused) Why do you want to meet my mother?

Arthur: Can't I meet my manservant's family?

Merlin: (shuts his mouth helplessly, thinking) Oh, well, at least it'll just be Arthur and me.

Time skip. Outside the castle.

Merlin: (yelling at Arthur) YOU BROUGHT YOUR KNIGHTS?! 😡

Knight 1, 2, 3 and Leon: (standing awkwardly a few meters away of Arthur and Merlin)

Knight 1: He's yelling at the prince.

Knight 2: I think the servant doesn't like us very much.

Knight 3: I feel bad third.

Leon: I'm not even surprised anymore.

[Welcome to: ✨breaking the fourth wall space✨

Me: Hi!😊 I'm the author of this crazy story! An I created this little space so the characters can break the fourth wall, without affecting the trama! They will mostly use it just to complain to me though.

Knight 1, 2 and 3: (to the author) Hey! when are you going to give us names?! 😡

Me: (to the audience) See? (to the nameless knights) Well, I would but, you see. Normally I just give names when they... last.

Knights 1, 2 and 3: (who literally die in the "Le Morte d'Arthur" part) What does she mean? 🤨

End of ✨Breaking the fourth wall space✨]

Arthur: (To Merlin, but raising his voice so the knights hear him) Of course! We are going to carry out a formal inspection of Camelot's border (looking at Merlin meaningfully), or did you expect the King to send his only Prince and heir to the border alone, Merlin?

Merlin: Oh... Oh, right!(nods exaggeratedly and turns to the knights smiling, then looks back at Arthur with too much enthusiasm) Then we better hurry, my lord. (He gets on his mare)

Arthur: (gets on his horse too)

Time skip. Merlin and Arthur riding ahead and the rest of the knights riding a few meters behind.

Merlin: (Just loud enough so Arthur can hear) Did you tell them?

Arthur: Tell them what?

Merlin: 😑

Arthur: Of course (pauses) not.

Merlin: Do you realize that technically we will be invading the territory of a neighboring kingdom? Not only is it a delicate matter, it could escalate into a diplomatic conflict! That's why I told you-

Arthur: Don't worry, I have a plan.

Merlin: (opens his mouth)

Arthur: (cuts him) Before you ask me what the plan is, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. (Turns to give a look at the knights) That way they will have no choice but to obey me.

Knights: (feeling a chill down their spine)

Time skip. After two days of travel, they finally arrive at the border.

Knight 2: Uhm… Sire? Isn't this the border?

Arthur: No, it's ahead.

Knight 1: I'm sure we've already crossed the border.

Arthur: Do you claim to know more than me, Sir Innprudence?

Knight 1: No, sire (shuts up)

[Knight 1: (to the author) Sir Innprudence?! 😡 That's the best name you could come up with? Really?!

Me: (laughs a little) He he, yeah, I forgot I already named you in part 16.

Knight 1: I prefer Knight 1 😒.

Me: Too late, I already changed it 😈.

Sir Innprudence: NO! 😭]

In the forest of Escetir, near Ealdor. Arthur stops and dismounts his horse, so the others do too.

Leon: Have we reached the border yet, sire?

Arthur: Actually, we are technically in Escetir.

Knights: WHAT?!😱

Arthur: Yes, we're on a deck mission. I'll explain. Merlin, bring the bags.

Merlin: (brings the bags)

Arthur: (To the knights) Do you see the village there? (points to Ealdor)

Leon: Yes, sire.

Arthur: This is my manservant's home village and it's under attack by raiders. Our mission is to slay them all and protect this village.

Knights: ...

Merlin: Oh gods 🤦‍♂️

Arthur: As you know, it would be catastrophic if they were to find out the Prince and the Knights of Camelot were here. So (takes some clothes out of the bags) We're going to pretend to be mercenaries. (throws the clothes at each of them) and we will tell the villagers that we were paid to defend them.

Sir Innprudence: And who paid us?

Arthur: Merlin, of course.

Merlin: What?!😨 Arthur, no one is going to believe that!

Arthur: Why not? This is your native village, your mother lives here. You have more than enough reasons to want to protect Ealdor.

Merlin: And where did I supposely get the money from?!

Arthur: From your benevolent master, of course. That pays you very generously.

Merlin: You are mad! Completely mad! (Pointing to the knights) THIS is MADNESS!

Leon: Sire, you know that I support you no matter what, but you do understand you are basically asking us to betray the king, right?

Arthur: That's only if he finds out, which he is not going to do.

Sir Innprudence, knights 2 and 3: (hesitating whether or not to inform the king of what is happening)

Arthur: After all, everyone here crossed the border, so everyone here would be in trouble if the king ever found out. Although, of course, I would not receive such a severe punishment because I am the prince and unlike others I am not replaceable.

Knights: …

Leon: Count on us, sire 😊.

Merlin: (shouts) NO! (To Arthur) You are not going to do this! 😡

Arthur: (with feigned confusion) But, Merlin, it was you who asked for my help strongly, don't you remember?

Merlin: (jaw drops at Arthur's audacity, thinking) This son of a- (says) That's not true! (To the Knights) I didn't ask for anything, I swear!

Leon: Don't worry, Merlin, we understand how things happened. (wraps an arm around Merlin) Surely you only asked him for money to hire the mercenaries, but his highness decided to come himself to defend the village for you.

Merlin: No! I didn't ask for anything at all!

Knight 2: (to Knight 3) He is the favorite for sure.

Sir Innprudence: (to Leon, making him let go of Merlin in panic) Don't touch him! Do you want to die?!

Knight 3: We better change.

Knights: (start changing)

Merlin: I'm not...! I didn't...! (tries to explain, but no knight listens)

Arthur: (smiling, amused) What are you waiting for, Merlin? (Points to his mercenary clothes so Merlin dresses him)

Merlin: (goes to Arthur and changes his clothes, thinking) Oh, you're going to pay for this Arthur Pendragon.

Meanwhile in Ealdor.

Kanen: (on his horse, grabbing the harvest sacks) What's this? Where's the rest of it?

Village chief: (on the ground, picking up the vegetables they made him drop) I only kept back what we need to survive.

Kanen: (mockingly) Survive? (threatenly) I'll be back in one week, farmer, and I want to see all of it.

Hunith: (Runs furiously to Kanen) You can't take our food! Our children will starve! I won't let you do this! (Tries to take the harvest sacks) You're not taking any of it!

Kanen: (hits her and Hunith falls to the ground)

Merlin: (arriving on his mare, shouts) Mom! (Furious, mutters a spell) Miere hors.

Kanen's horse: (gets upset, raising his legs, making Kanen fall off him)

Hunith: (hurries to grab the harvest sacks and runs)

Arthur and knights: (just behind Merlin, they get off their horses and attack the raiders)

Merlin: (gets off his mare and runs to Hunith) Mom! (cradles her face) Are you okay?

Hunith: (very surprised and happy) Merlin! What are you doing here?

Kanen: (gets up and rushes towards Merlin and Hunith with his sword, about to sly them)

Arthur: (blocks the attack with excalibur) Don't you dare... (Breaks Kanen's sword with excalibur) even think about it!

Villagers: (looking between fear and amazement)

Kanen: (seeing himself outmatched, decides to retreat) You will pay for this with your lives! (gets on a horse nearby) All of you! (Looks down at Hunith and smirks) I'll see you later, sweetheart.

Merlin: (about to jump beat Kanen up, enraged)

Arthur: (Stops him by putting an arm in front of him)

Kanen: (leaves with the raiders that survived)

Arthur: (Thinking, coldly) He'll be back with more, perfect. (Looks at the bodies lying there, thinking) 295.

Hunith: (hugging Merlin) My son, how good it is to see you, but you shouldn't be here.

Merlin: I came as soon as I knew what was happening (points at Arthur) and I brought help.

Arthur: (introduces himself) Nice to meet you, Hunith of Ealdor, my name is Arthur. Merlin hired me and my men to defend this village.

Hunith: Arthur? Like Prince Arthur?

Arthur: A very popular name, indeed.

Hunith: (smiles) I sincerely thank you for what you're doing, Arthur. You are very chivalrous for a mercenary. (sees the knights in the distance, who are helping the women and children) You all seem very chivalrous to be mercenaries.

Arthur: Uh... We get paid well.

Will: (approaches Merlin) You're still up to the same old tricks? I thought I told you we don't want your kind here.

Merlin: ...

Will: (confused) Merlin?

Merlin: (suddenly breaks down crying)

Arthur: (angry, to Will, ready to beat him up right there) What's wrong with you?! 😡

Will: (in panic, worried) I was kidding! Merlin, that's how we always mess with each other! I did not mean-

Merlin: (his crying turns into laughter) Ha! I got you. (Hugs Will) I missed you too, Will. (Thinking) I missed you so much.

Arthur: (coughs, definitely not jealous) Merlin, gather the villagers, I need to talk to them.

Merlin: (pulls away from the hug) Yes, right away. (about to leave)

Will: Wait. You let him give you orders? I thought you hired him.

Merlin: (in realization and smiles evilly) It's true. (hits Arthur arms) You! How insolent! Is this how you treat your employer? You gather the villagers!

Arthur: (About to yell at him, but remembers that Hunith and Will are there and stops himself) Sorry, I thought you might want to do it yourself. I'll do it right away. (Thinking) Wait until we return to Camelot, you dollophead.

Merlin: (thinking) Oh, this is going to be fun.

...

I know this kind of feels like a filler, but it's important I swear! What did Kilgharrah meant? Can Merlin save Will this time? Will the rest of the Kmights get to have names? Find out in the next episode of ✨"Merlin: the Mistress in denial" ✨

[kristencsummerlin]

Soul Eater Head cannons lol

1: Maka is a role-player. (This is mostly because Laura Bailey her voice actress is a major role-player) oddly enough her characters tend to be magic users because playing a heroic witch just fills her.

2: Maka drinks Dr Pepper mainly because she happened to randomly leave Tsugumi one at the top of the stairs in Soul Eater Not. Which fills my day because I fucking love Dr Pepper.

3: Soul loves and hates Billy Joel. He loves the guy's music and everything but he knows for a fact that everyone sees him as their Piano Man and it annoys him.

4: Kid has both OCD and OCPD because he shows signs of both disabilities.

5: I've stated this before but I'm 99 percent sure that Excalibur plays everything he does up because he doesn't want anyone to wield him. Hiro passed everything and when it was basically long enough for the sword to know enough of the kid he suddenly was dealing with a sneeze fit.

6: Blair ships Maka and Soul which is why she goes out of her way to flirt with Soul just to make Maka angry. She thinks it's proof that Maka has feelings.

7: Ragnarök is overprotective of Crona like an older sibling. The whole "I'm allowed to pick on them as long as I want. But if someone else does it I'm going for their heads."

8: Blackstar is the glue to the group. He has formed a bond with at least everyone in some way. If he got hurt their will be an army of angry people wanting to revenge him.

9: Kid and Monica from Friends are soul siblings and you can't tell me otherwise. Like I see Kid having a vacuum for his vacuum in case he needed to vacuum his vacuum.

10: The Group watch bad horror movies together to play their own home version of Mystery Science Theater. However Kid mostly gets annoyed and fumes over the movies while everyone else makes jokes.

11: Soul and Liz share music playlists and songs on Spotify. Or the Soul Eater version of it. Like Skullify.

12: Sid plays father figure to all the orphans that join the DWMA. Possibly because he was one and knows how it feels to not have a parent in one's life.

13: Kid has a list of mother figures. Which he's honored and annoyed by.

14: Hiro had a weapon partner but they got injured and or went home which is why he's looked at as the worst meister because he hasn't done any missions sense joining the E.A.T. classes.

[cephalonserotonin]

Devstream 178 Notes

Megan has cool pants! Rebb has a cool earring!

Dante Unbound

next week!

"We wanted to bring lore! Important for us for people who want some texture… with their food…?" lol

Hence, even though there's no quest with this update, lots of lore! Drusus and other leverian stuff

Dante prex:

They mentioned no sticky corners and someone in the audience cheered.

Styanax deluxe

Nipple talk

Gauss Prime's little goofy run is gonna be an emote! for plat! "This is only a microtransaction panel" - Rebb

Banshee, Loki, and Nekros voidshells!! And some Loki QOL: some buffs, customizable invisibility, and an augment!

Easter bunny ears have FUR (using tech for the companion rework) and are now PERMANENT! "Nobody could stop me," - Rebb (Geoff boos)

Protea prime! Including her gear!

And Velox prime, Okina prime, Rhoptron prime syandana (this is GORGEOUS), a bonus alt helmet that moves, and an ephemera (no asset for this yet)

Yareli deluxe!, the Kompressa deluxe

"If you haven't played Yareli, maybe depending on where you get your warframe news…" LMAO the subtlest shade. I've liked Yareli from the beginning and definitely thought the initial backlash to her kit was overblown, so

blah blah soulframe

New update between Dante and Tennocon featuring the Stalker: Jade Shadows

Jade, our 57th warframe

Cinematic quest update from the Stalker's point of view!

J is the second to last letter we need to cover the alphabet, we're just missing U Audience member: what about Umbra? Rebb: No, that's Excalibur Umbra. If your arsenal said Umbra Excalibur you might stand a chance in court.

Warframe 1999

Very much a Warframe update, but a different style of update. New lore, lots of content, a new Warframe chapter. The gorgeous Arthur is our poster boy.

It's not a single player Warframe spinoff, a "Warframe 2" (I confess I was among those theorizing this). Those nipples stay on.

and now, waking up from his nap… it's Ben Starr! "Arthur is a very mysterious character who I am bound by NDA to say… VERY little about!" He's SO cool. and REALLY sexy. He's relatable. He's gonna be a badass, he's got a samurai sword.

Excalibur is a frame. Arthur is a PROTO-FRAME.

Just as an aside, Ben is adorable and hilarious, very fun to watch.

Stuff about Conflict between humanity and the non-human.. "you don't perceive humanity without how it reacts to others."

a first look at Aoi, our proto-Mag, and I am GAY SCREECHING

Bike: the atomicycle

Q&A

Audience member in a (Uniqlo?) metal gear rising revengeance shirt that Rebb recognized and appreciated: when is my man Caliban getting buffed? A: If Pablo were here, he'd say ask me at TennoCon.

Q: any other warframes getting reworks? A: Inaros rework coming with Dante unbound. Loki rework not planned.

Q: What inspired proto-Mag's design? A: Liger did Arthur and Aoi. We had a very specific vision for those two protoframes: Arthur being the "man scout," and Aoi we wanted a nice contrast to Arthur.

Q: Two questions very well worded I didn't get them down in time because I was nodding along. About stat sticks / pseudo-exalteds and trading. A: Stat sticks: we've talked about it but no changes planned. Trading: we've talked about maybe adding riven filters but not much more than that.

Q from guy in Dante DMC trenchcoat: Drifters? Maybe new outfits? A: In Unbound we are bringing one more operator outfit to drifter.

Q: I've been playing Warframe for 10 years, and I'm legendary 4. Any additional benefits for high rank players? A: The social benefits of being a high-rank player are unexplored. In terms of more mechanical aspects… we're thinking more social benefits. congrats on being legendary 4!

Q: When's infested liches? A: Steve is that you

Q In the second metal gear shirt: warframe 1999... dark sector? A: A lot of what Warframe was built on was the scifi part of dark sector that was never meant to be. So it's poetically coming full circle, that 1999 is dark sector inspired. Q: is there a plan for the dark sector remaster? A: 1999 is the dark sector remaster.

Q: Is there going to be fashion protoframes? A: Actually, yes… And that's all I'll say on that.

Q from Leon Kennedy: is squad link coming back? A: RIP scarlet spear. Not coming back in the way you might think, but we're experimenting early days with something you might like. It's in an urn. Geoff: that's pretty dead. Rebb: Someone hasn't played Baldur's gate 3! It's not totally dead, but mostly dead.

Q: Has anyone at DE considered a TTRPG or even a war game? you could blow games workshop completely out of the water. I'd rather give money to you than them any day. A: We're all fans of that kind of content, we'd endorse fan content, but we don't have the time to pursue it. Q: Has anyone considered modular ("kit") frames? A: We have considered it, but it didn't seem shippable. Seemed scope-scary.

Q: Are you, Rebb, personally happy with the way movement works at this very moment? A: Are you asking pre- or post- sticky corners? Q: Post. Also is Soulframe taking from the movement in Warframe? Geoff: Soulfame is very much in the opposite direction of Warframe, movement-wise. Rebb: I always thought it'd be fun to explore wall running in Warframe. But other than that, I love it. I think it's the best movement system in the third person games space. Every other game I play I try and bullet jump and aim glide. Questioner agrees.

Soulframe question I used to catch up on my above notes

Q: If you could go on a date with a warframe, which one?… me, it's Grendel. Ben: what would you do on that date? Questioner: just eat :) Geoff: Excalibur? (Rebb: that's very Raphael-coded of you. Little Baldur's Gate reference for you) Mag: Probably Valkyr. Rebb: why choose? All of them >:) Ben: pick one for me. Rebb: Mirage. Ben: What would I do? Rebb: Circus act. You are the circus.

Q: What was your favourite part of developing 1999, and Ben, what was your favourite part of voicing Arthur? A: Some stuff we haven't announced yet. As with most characters I play, there's something lovable about him despite his rough exterior… rough but he's nice about it. He's gonna do something to you, but he's gonna kiss you afterward. Rebb: I think it's quite sacred to introduce protoframes like this. We're being quite sacred about it (it's not Mag and Excal, it's Aoi and Arthur). Ben: The ways in which you're exploring that dynamic is very cool, and very 90s.

Q: Rebb, what are the things that plague you? A: My plagues are supported by the development team. I'm not alone; whenever I have an ailment, I have someone that to help support me with it. Geoff: I've genuinely never seen someone care so much. He gets teary. \*audience cheers as REBB DESERVES\* Same asker: when is my girl Titania getting buffed? A: Controversial question, she's pretty strong. I could see Tribute receiving some QOL to be easier to use (some Tribute). But those dex pixia, they do kill.

Q in a Warframe sweater with a Warframe backpack!: Which NPC would you be most likely to be besties with? Ben: Fibonacci Rebb: We love you Neil! Ben: If you don't have a cranky fish as a friend, what are you doing. Megan: I love Ordis :) especially little trash can ordis Rebb: you better say Lotus, Geoff >:) Geoff: Lotus. Rebb: Hard not to love Little Duck. We'd be besties for sure, drinking in the back room.

Q: if Teshin can have his head crushed and come back, what about Veso? A: He died a hero, I'm sorry.

Q: When can we get points to Dante his brother? A: ??? audience member yells out "VIRGIL!" Rebb: \*laughs\* maybe the bike is Virgil (This is a devil may cry reference)

Q: clan to clan interaction? Haven't had that since solar rails? A: Ok so in the urn we have squad link.. \*laugh\* We are trying to do more clan events. They work for by the book tasks. There's opportunity there we haven't explored. No leaderboards. I'll try to do more.

Q: I'm curious how you develop characters as a Warframe team. I've noticed a lot of references to mythology. A: it's a library of devs that have passions. The team is just really diverse and loves really cool shit. The amount of inspiration we get to name things thematically, we have touched lore I didn't know existed. When it comes to Warframes, we're still looking at old Keith Thompson drawings… he's built different.

Q: I'm sorry to take you back in the morgue. Void keys. Will there be a return to the old void and endless missions? A: We're not in the morgue here, we're in ICU. Visiting hours are open. I loved the old voidkey system. We did a soft tease with Dagath keys, it had wins and losses… There were user experience problems. But it's not totally dead. The omnia fissures are kind of that vibe. You can bring any relic to an omnia fissure and just haul ass.

Q: Can we get a toggle for Protea's visor? A: The rigging artist working on it talked about it. Maybe. You're right, it would be nice.

Q: Fashion frame question. Have you considered a DE color palette, like, Megan's greatest hits? A: That sounds like a great idea :) We're doing it.

Q: Are we ever going to see new necramechs? A: I hate saying probably not. No new ones in 1999 at least. We're touching up the ones we have before we go to the morgue, and grab a skull, to make a a new one. Sorry

Q holding a Clem plushie: when more Clem??? A: We'll see. Clem holds a special place in our heart. He's not in the morgue, I promise.

Q: I've been coerced into asking a question on behalf of someone who's not here. He's made it clear if I don't get a satisfactory answer I won't see my family again. Are there any plans to look at spawn rates for loot and reactants? A: I'm gonna keep talking until you can get your family out safely, I'm filibustering. There's performance issues, we want to get safe on all platforms. The worst offenders we can probably fix. We can increase reactant drop rates. Loot rates is harder to solve.

Q: if you have Drifter selected, can you use drifter melee? A: We thought it was important to keep drifter melee in duviri, but… why not? We could try. Drifters can't mod though. It's not impossible, but it'd take some time.

Q: Warframe being predominantly PVE, has there been talk of collaboration among clans? A: I implied it with the other question, but a social benefit would be great. I'd love to see you make friends with other clans

Thanks to the DE team for your hard work <3 supporting us for 11 years!

visual assets are either my own stream screenshots or from DE's devstream overview

[asoulofatlantis]

I do not wish for a complete reset. But I would prefer if loop 20000 would the the one where we stop looping and stay in, simply because it sounds and looks nicer ^^'

Guys! That things is seriously fucking huge! (And that is not what she said this time!) How on freaking earth are we suppose to EVER stop or destroy it?

He did not build that freaking army to get revenge on Erebonia, he did that to protect Calvard expecting that cage-thingy in space would send "monsters" to attack. Damn. Gotta applaud him for deceiving us so well for so long.

Space fight. And we are Emilia. WTF?!

Holy shit! We are so in trouble. Emilia now and we in the... uh... future? Past? The future past?

WOW! We did major damage. I was not expecting this.

They pretend we beat that thing... trust me... we did not!

Uh... uhm... Guys? I think we need our Diving Knights back and REALLY upgrade them, like A LOT and then we apparently also need some diving Sword and... uh... yeah... uhm... we certainly need something MORE than some nukes for that one. (Calvard attacked that thing with Nuclear weapons that is how they damaged the cube... however... it looks like neither the cube, not the core were the real thing...)

H-He just killed Emilia. I told you she was not the right one for that job. Oh god...

This guy just lost his daughter... but he is still doing his job. Military-man are cold but tough it seems. Poor guy tho.

This is appearantly not the first time this plan failed. It is said that there was a statue they found in our destroyed city that was gathered by the church and yet showed up again 10 years later (which apparently is right now...), even tho the original was still in possession of the church. Its said to be what was left of Excalibur after being attacked and being crashed into the atmosphere like that. Imagine. Emilias fucking corps was stuck in that statue for god knows how many loops.

And once again she will crash into Creil...

We did not get killed by that because she... became an artifact that stand there is a sign of another loops failure.

I need a small moment to breathe after all that. *takes a deep breath* Okay... okay... lets finish the hardest part of this.

Rene... fucked this up on purpose. He put the wrong Genesis in Greamharts hands on full purpose and now he is turning into the white Grendel we all thought was Agnes. But her job is a different one...

That fight took Inferno a while. But he made it!

My girl is amazing... but there is a price to pay for that.

Honestly I watched the Stream and only took some screenshots while crying my eyes out (AGAIN) over this ending and then I needed like half an hour or so to calm down and get my thoughts sorted. I am really exhausted and tired now but I try to write down a few words.

I think something you could see with most people somewhat involved (aside from Campanella, that idiot was just excited that their Plan can FINALLY enter the third phase...) was that they felt sorry for Agnes, that they would have done something different, if they would have just seen a way for it. Also... Agnes Grandmother Domeniques friend, as far as we know, so at this point, she probably watch her friend, her friends daughter and now her friends granddaughter go though the same shit. (Although Agnes sad she did not do the same thing as her mother... so who knows what the difference might be?)

Agnes has to learn the Rean lesson. Being happy and save is important too to make the people you love happy and save. Its just too late for that lesson now.

Nina knows that Agnes will turn back time somewhat and that technically no one should remember this. And yet, she is sure they will punish Hamilton eventually for her Sins.

(I've been contemplating what kind of ending I think would be best regarding Kevins route. And first of all, I think killing Hamilton would be such a waste. I believe even without the Genesis she can still do stuff with her talent and knowledge. Like stuff for the good of the people. Killing her would take what she can offer away from Zemuria. Locking her in and making her work like Grimwood (someone who officially killed someone himself in a very cruel cold-blooded way...) seems the much better choice overall for Zemuria. And secondly... I do not wish for Kevin to put her blood on his hand. I do not like Kevin and he did not try as hard as Crow did in CS4 to make me change my mind but i DO remember how he suffered after killing Wiseman in that cruelly ironic way and I do not wish for him to suffer like this again, no matter if I like him or not.)

I have no idea whats going on with Yume. No one has an idea whats going on with Yume. All we know is that she slightly saw what happened to Agnes. I wonder if she will be the key to remembering it?

I found that so... Thors. There has ALWAYS been a third way for us. We proved that countless times that even if it doesn't look like it that we WILL find a third way, a different way, a BETTER way. And I loved Towa for saying that. That is the spirit of Class7. That is the one thing that Olivert has engraved into our souls. That we will win, if we find another way. Granted, at this point time was literally running out on us - we had like 3 minutes left before the forced reset - but still!

When I watched that for the first time I just watched basically the Credits role and I laughed about it. But today, after crying so much... I feel like it was like... a desperate kind of laugh. Like... there has never been anything funny about it. And it got worse the more I knew about the full picture and the words. The fucking words! At the moment shortly before the end, Van said he had realized that the reason Agnes had been wearing her school uniform at the day of her confession, was because to make it easier for him to reject her. DO YOU GET WHAT THAT MEANS?! When he said that, I was sobbing even more. It means he HAS feelings for her he just didn't wanted to date her for some reason. And that he might not have rejected her if she didn't put it in front of him so much that she was still a young schoolgirl that he had to reject because of that age difference. She revealed her feelings to him as she was running out of time but she KNEW that he needed to reject her to not make that any harder on them so she decided to manipulate his decision - she admitted as much. FUCK THIS GIRL! I love her. I do. BUT FUCK THIS GIRL! Van could have chosen her. He might have chosen her. Or he at least would have, instead of rejecting her, said to her to wait until she is 18 and then ask again or something like this URG! Damn it! The ship that I though has sunken already could have been fucking Sailing!

You better come back and fix this young Lady before Elaine gets the man in a world were you do not even exist! Damn it!

This is so sad. Like he opened the door to Agnes knocking and at first she was there but then vanished because in this timeline... she doesn't exist anymore. She could not have knocked on his door. How very painful...

HOWEVER... there is still hope. Hope we might have to wait like 2 to 3 years for... UFF!

There are a few things I might have to say to this overall game and ending and if it is really that bad, if Kondo was truly lying and if Lloyd is really to blame for all that (poor guy XD) but not today. I've reached my limit.

We will still watch those Memento thingys these days. But not today.

[piratewithvigor]

The Lashings Of Cody Rhodes

After a betrayal most foul at the hands of Maxwell of House Friedman, Cody offers up a sacrifice to restore his honor.

If Cody's lashings were a Shakespearean play...

[AO3]

THE PROLOGUE

Enter DUSTIN

DUSTIN On this eve, my brother, son of my father, blood of my blood, Is to be struck ten times, by the will and the whip of Maxwell. Though discomfort plagues mine eyes as the eyes of the sea, I speak not to them, but only to the ears of Maxwell: The hide of my brother is no morning’s dew. It is no budding leaf, Nor the wings of butterflies. Verily I say, though ten times shall he be struck, his back will not be cracked. Though he will be bent, he will not break. O brother, ten hardships await to bend in return.

DUSTIN exits.

THE ACT

Enter JR, EXCALIBUR and TONY, to watch.

JR Discomfort indeed. Since he were a babe, we have known him.

TONY Ay, since a babe.

Enter MAXWELL and WARDLOW, to fanfare.

EXCALIBUR Come midday, behind the curtain, I found myself wedged betwixt Maxwell and Wardlow, As though the housecats had wedged a mouse. No escape was there for I. An attempt would bring upon a fate such as the one facing Cody. For Maxwell doth told me that To succeed, Cody would face all ten lashes. To falter, Cody would not earn the battle he craves. To fail, Cody would bleed for none of Maxwell’s in return. To endure, Cody will drink from the vessel of revenge.

TONY Though to judge remains only in the honor of the Lord, Maxwell tempts us so, villain that he is.

JR He is not simply a boil on the ass of life, He is an affront to the goodness of creation. His joy is derived from torture. His laughter comes from pain. His friends are monsters made flesh and His toys are whips and chain.

Enter CODY, to fanfare.

JR A vicious and cruel woodshed awaits. As his father vowed to his enemies, So Cody has vowed. He will endure the lashings for as long as he is man, For as long as his body is strong, For as long as no pleas of mercy escape him. A vow, to father, son and brother, Is worth more than gold.

TONY Never have mine eyes seen such a vow.

EXCALIBUR Held in the deepest pride. Cody walks without fear, though without companions. His strength rests in his solitude. Maxwell’s rests in Wardlow.

JR This is a personal, professional exorcism, That Cody has elected to endure.

TONY I ask thee, What manner of man would strike another so, As though he were an ox that would not budge? Though not with a whip, To instruct and to guide, But with a belt of leather, To humiliate and punish.

EXCALIBUR The humiliation is insufficient for Maxwell. He has taken Cody’s pride, He now hopes to fill the remaining hole with shame.

JR He dug with a spade of betrayal.

EXCALIBUR Betrayal unforeseen.

JR Indeed, we believed Maxwell to be a kind soul, Fools that we were.

TONY Cody bears the scars of his foolishness. Though he sees the truth now, His eyes only work while damaged.

EXCALIBUR He bears the scars of foolishness. Tonight, he will bear the scars of pride.

MAXWELL Wardlow, my microphone.

The AUDIENCE yells loudly.

MAXWELL (Aside) A moment of patience, I beseech you. Cody, I beg forgiveness, But the belt I have is suitable for kings. It is made of the finest leather, By the most skilled of hands. Talent far too skilled to be sullied by thy back. In its stead, I will use thy belt. Now!

CODY hesitates to undo his belt.

MAXWELL If revenge is what you wish, Your hesitations will cease.

CODY undoes his belt and throws it at MAXWELL

MAXWELL bids CODY to spin and snaps the belt in his hands to make CODY jump.

TONY A jester.

EXCALIBUR If Cody were to take premature revenge, The final opportunity to regain his honor would disappear.

TONY Honor being a prized possession of his house.

EXCALIBUR Bonded by oath.

JR As in the days of his father.

MAXWELL strikes CODY the first time.

JR Only nine left.

TONY Already, his shoulder is marred. Red as though ripened by the sun.

Enter THE BUTCHER, THE BLADE and THE BUNNY.

EXCALIBUR What is this! Mercenaries, at Maxwell’s beck and call.

Enter SAMMY, BRITT and KIP.

EXCALIBUR All wish to see if Cody succeeds or fails. If revenge will be his or if it will slip through his fingers.

TONY As they watch, so do the world.

MAXWELL strikes CODY a second time on the other shoulder.

CODY whirls around in anger.

MAXWELL Strike me and it will be your downfall! I receive you with open arms! Put an end to me and it shall be your end in kind! Strike me!

CODY does not move, only braces himself.

MAXWELL strikes him the third time, across the first shoulder again.

CODY collapses to his knees.

Enter ARN.

TONY Cody wished to show strength by enduring the lashes alone. To ensure none would deem him coward. Arn made no such oath.

ARN You face not ten lashes, but seven.

MAXWELL He is beyond your safety, old man! He resides in my domain and I am his God! His punishment is mine to decide and mine to enact, At my hand, will he bleed! No words you may have for him will spare him! He will not be aided by thee or anyone else!

MAXWELL strikes CODY the fourth time, bringing CODY to tears of pain.

MAXWELL If thee have no strength, plead mercy!

EXCALIBUR If Cody pleads mercy, his honor will not be restored.

JR Mercy will not be requested.

TONY As Maxwell, strikes the same spot in Cody’s heart, So too he strikes the same spot on his shoulder. Glowing red as late embers and as hot.

MAXWELL strikes CODY the fifth time.

MAXWELL Beg for mercy!

TONY Enough to break a man’s heart as well as his spine.

Enter DUSTIN.

DUSTIN Spare my brother! To fulfill your whims, cruel as they may be, Take me and spare him! For I am old and my back has been split by Better men than thee. My blood has been split in each corner of the Earth. Spare him and split mine once more!

MAXWELL You wish to take his place and receive five more?

DUSTIN I will take five more. I will take as many as needed to spare him Any more pain.

MAXWELL My punishment rests not on the lashes, But on the back that receives them. It must be his back, not yours. You are not welcome to interfere, only to watch.

DUSTIN Have courage, my brother. I will watch as you receive the lashes. I will not watch you suffer, I will watch you endure.

CODY For myself, for our father and for thee, I will not be broken by this man.

TONY Five more.

MAXWELL strikes CODY the sixth and seventh time in quick succession.

DUSTIN Three more, my brother. Three lashes, and your honor shall be restored.

MAXWELL You will not survive three more. Plead for mercy and I may grant it. Neither he nor anyone else can help you.

Enter MATT and NICK.

MAXWELL Beg for my mercy! They may not help you either!

CODY collapses into MATT’s arms.

MATT Do not plead mercy.

NICK Three more.

DUSTIN Three more.

NICK You will endure.

CODY I will endure!

TONY Could revenge be worth such pain?

JR I would forsake honor to avoid a pain such as this.

MAXWELL Do you not wish to strike me back? A single lash in turn could end your suffering.

CODY No.

MAXWELL So be it.

JR To hate would be a word far too serious...

MAXWELL strikes Cody the eighth time.

JR ...But I hate to see suffering such as this.

MAXWELL Stay down like the bitch you are! If you are to be whipped like a dog, act as one!

TONY On all fours.

MAXWELL There is no shame in begging for mercy.

CODY bites his thumb at MAXWELL.

MAXWELL prepares to deliver the ninth lash, but is stopped by WARDLOW.

DUSTIN The lashings are to be delivered by Maxwell! This is against the oath Cody swore!

MAXWELL As a gift, for being a loyal friend, I bestow upon Wardlow the honor Of giving one of the lashes. NICK Fiend!

MAXWELL Do not interfere!

WARDLOW delivers the ninth strike, sending Cody to his knees.

JR God be with him!

TONY Blood has been spilt!

DUSTIN One more, dear brother. You have only to endure one more.

EXCALIBUR His lash was far more vicious than those we have seen. A man more beast than man! Maxwell has called upon his devil To deliver punishment in his stead.

TONY A small miracle that only one remains.

JR What must a punishment as this do to one’s body, To one’s mind, To one’s spirit? All three are breaking within Cody.

CODY tries to stand, but cannot.

TONY Perhaps mercy will be granted.

JR Cody will pay his honor, but perhaps a small price.

MAXWELL If you plead, you will never regain honor. You will die a coward as you live now!

Enter BRANDI.

JR Cody’s wife approaches.

MAXWELL What is this?

BRANDI Show me a sign of life. A sign that you not only breathe, But that you live. A single lash remains. You are no dog, you will take the lash and You will live.

CODY gets to his feet and faces MAXWELL.

MAXWELL strikes CODY’s chest instead of his back in the tenth lash.

CODY falls again as his family rushes to him.

JR The tenth. Cody did not falter.

EXCALIBUR Maxwell believes not. He had faith that Cody had none.

TONY For Cody to regain his honor, Naught but one challenge remains.

As MAXWELL leaves, he turns and kicks CODY square in the nuts.

MAXWELL and WARDLOW exit.

JR That son of a bitch! Neither friend nor foe of either party Respects the choices Maxwell has made. To prove himself villain When honor was an option. To add punishment When Cody hath paid in pain. When a fortnight shall pass, So too will Cody’s tribulations.

[excalibur0]

love of my life

[adamwatchesmovies]

Shrek the Third (2007)

While I didn't enjoy this film, that doesn't mean you won't. No matter what I say, the people involved in this project did it: they actually made a movie. That's something to be applauded. With that established...

The drop in quality between Shrek 2 and Shrek the Third is so steep you'll wonder why anyone bothered. There’s nothing inspired here in terms of plot, character development, humour or even pop-culture references. It’s a devastating letdown that disappoints more the longer you watch.

King Harold (John Cleese) is dying and names Shrek (Mike Myers) and Princess Fiona (Cameron Diaz) as his successors. Convinced an ogre will be unfit to rule the kingdom of Far Far Away, Shrek decides to track down her cousin, Arthur “Artie” Pendragon (Justin Timberlake). With the help of Donkey (Mike Myers) and Puss in Boots (Antonio Banderas), our swamp-loving hero is off, but not before Fiona reveals she is pregnant. Meanwhile, a washed-up Prince Charming (Rupert Everett) vows revenge.

The story by Andrew Adamson - adapted by Jeffrey Price, Peter S. Seaman, Chris Miller and Aron Warner - is so flawed I don’t know if there was any salvaging it. By and large, it’s really just the same plot as the original film. Shrek and Donkey - plus Puss - have to find a royal and bring them to a castle so Shrek can get his swamp back the way he wants it to be. Oh sure, there are slight differences. Obviously Artie doesn’t fall in love with the green meanie the way Fiona did but they do have that big “lover’s quarrel” scene once true intentions are revealed.

What you essentially get is Shrek but without anything that made it magical. The characters aren’t fresh the way they were before. Worse, the well of fairytale-based jokes has been drained dry, leaving this movie with few opportunities to make you laugh. I know you could argue whether Red Riding Hood or the Three Blind Mice really fit the fairy tales motif but King Arthur? Sans excalibur and with only a couple of lame scenes where an exaggerated, incompetent and loopy Merlin (Eric Idle) appears? It feels completely out of place.

Tonally, director Chris Miller misses the mark so thoroughly it's almost like it's on purpose. The first scene has a humiliated Prince Charming mourning his now-dead mother. Next a parade of scenes of Shrek grumbling about how much he hates Far Far Away and how much he doesn’t want to rule. He then finds an excuse to abandon his wife so he can pawn the kingdom off on some schmo he’s never met. In no time, you're sympathizing with the villain rather than the hero. Yes, Charming turns out to be malicious but it feels like the character was re-written to be the antagonist. From what we saw previously, there was nothing to indicate he had any volition of his own; he was just a mama’s boy raised to believe he should rule. Couldn’t Fiona wear the crown? How about the still-living Queen? What if Artie had been this megalomaniac who, after obtaining power, used it to get revenge on everyone who bullied him at high school? Shrek would’ve come off as an even bigger jerk than he already is.

Even the choice of songs doesn’t feel right. Whereas Livin’ La Vida Loca, I’m Holding out for a Hero and All-Star in Shreks 1 & 2 either subverted your expectations in a novel way, drove the story forward through non-litteral music, or both, there’s nothing about the short clip of Immigrant Song and the cover of Live of Let Die during the royal funeral that comes close. Where’s the wit? Where are the unusual choices that don't seem to fit on paper, but in execution work so well?

I doubt anyone who saw Shrek the Third upon its original release remembers it. They might remember some of what happens, but the way the movie made you feel? No way. That’s because this comedy has no heart. It’s diet water served after two classic animated comedies. I’d say I hated it, but that's incendiary, passionate - too good for Shrek The Third. The people behind the scenes knew this movie would be a hit so they rushed out a mediocre product because they knew they could. (On DVD, August 9, 2019)

[amazing-spiderling]

Top 5 superheros?

Hopefully these answers aren't too cliche. ;)

#1 - Nightcrawler

What can I say? Even thought Batman was my introduction to superhero comics way back in the 90's, it wasn't long before my friend started introducing me to X-Men and Excalibur. She was really into Kitty Pryde but I immediately fell in love with this blue dude. (Thankfully they appeared in a lot of comics side by side so she had lots of books for me to read.) I had a pirate phase because of this guy. I watched a lot of Errol Flynn. I have Flaming Carrot comics on my shelf because of that one time he had a FC t-shirt in one scene. He's my rotten soldier, hes my sweet cheese, my good-time boy.

#2 - Honey Badger (Gabby Kinney)

Maybe the only Marvel comic book gal I've ever cosplayed? She's just... fun. I appreciate that even at her young age, she's really been through it. As a clone "granddaughter" of Wolverine, she's got that tragic backstory down pat, but she looked at all that trauma, and how Logan and Laura responded to it, said, "nah" and went on about her life caring about animals and being besties with Deadpool. There's probably a metaphor in there about generational trauma or something, but needless to say, I'm just glad there's a superhero girl out there who wears pants and looks and acts her age.

#3 Spider-Man (all of them)

I know, everyone is so surprised. The most popular superhero in the whole world. XD As a middle schooler, I lived on a steady diet of Gargoyles and the Spider-Man animated series, both of which introduced a lot of (dubious) scientific concepts before my science class got anywhere close to talking about stuff like genetics or cloning. I know Peter Parker is written to be this supposedly relatable everyman, so it's not hard to project on to him, but that means there's a lot of *there* there. I think Spider-Man is also one of the heroes who best understands his position as a symbol. Other characters go about their super-lives, making choices that they think are right, but in the back of his head, I think Spidey is always aware of the fact that kids look up to him, and that holds him to a stricter code than a lot of heroes. He walks this razor thin line and is stressed out about it all the time, and that's what the kids call a complete mood.

#4 Foggy Nelson

Putting up with Matt Murdock's crap is a super-power, actually.

No, but seriously. I LOVE a best friend type (see also: Nightcrawler) who provides that pragmatic (but not gloomy) perspective that other "more exciting" hero types need. They're not just there for comic relief, or so bad things can happen to them when shit goes down, they're essential, and Foggy performs his role admirably in basically every incarnation.

#5 The Bowler (Mystery Men)

Shut up, I'm putting a Mystery Men entry on here because that movie kicks ass and more people should watch it. I was vaguely aware of this movie when it came out (because of my aforementioned interest in Flaming Carrot comics) but I wasn't in a position to go out and see it. A few years later I picked it out of a bargain bin and it rocked my socks off. Mystery Men's greatest crime is being ahead of its time. It's a pastiche that came out before the world was oversaturated with big budget super-flix. And the Bowler is easily best of the bunch. I have a soft spot for Janeane Garofalo who brings the exact energy this role needs. I love her for being a competent hero who is still flawed and has her own shit going on, and I love that she's just... a woman out there doing her best... FOR REVENGE. I painstakingly made her costume for Halloween one year and literally nobody got it and actually I do not care, it's dope.

[marialuisavegas]

Like Judith slaying Holofernes

I know better than to leave the house

without my good dress, my good knife

like Excalibur between my stone breasts.

Mother would have me whipped,

would have me kneeling on rice until

I shrilled so loud I rang the church

bells. Didn’t I tell you that elegance is our revenge,

that there are neither victims nor victors

but the bitch we envy in the end? I am that bitch.

I am dogged. I am so damned

not even Death wanted me. He sent me back

after you sacked my body

the way your armies sacked my village, stacked

our headless idols in the river

where our children impaled themselves

on rocks. I exit night and enter your tent

gilded in a bolt of stubborn sunlight. My sleeves

already rolled up. I know they will say

I am a slut for showing this much skin, this

irreverence for what is seen

when I ask to be seen. Look at me now: my thighs

lift from your thighs, my mouth

spits poison into your mouth. You nasty beauty.

I am no beast, but my blade

sliding clean through your thick neck

while my maid keeps your blood off

me and my good dress will be a song

the parish sings for centuries. Tell Mary.

Tell Eve. Tell Salome and David about me.

Watch their faces, like yours, turn green.

Paul Tran

[iamfitzwilliamdarcy]

Behated: 3 the last jedi?

yessss, i never forgave and i never forgot (at this point i'm way more zen and amused about how bad it was but wow that sucked for a while)

Beloved:

Batman v Superman (My obvious favorite movie)

ZSJL (Sequel to my obvious favorite movie)

Sucker Punch (Only girl power movie on the list)

Cinderella 2015 (This movie was made at just the right time and i still can’t believe how it’s about forgiveness and fatherhood and LOVE)

The Outsiders (7th grade me never got over it)

Revenge of the Sith (Everything happens so much (rolling in the deep also plays quietly in the background as i weep) (franchise movie))

Dunkirk (Made me like Chris Nolan again)

My Big Fat Greek Wedding (Family romcom)

Bridesmaids (I’m a little embarrassed of how much i like this one (esp bc of the opening scene I always skip) but also? It’s funny and very good reflection on female relationships)

I didn’t see the original

How to Train Your Dragon (Father accepts son, son accepts responsibility what can be better)

You cry because it doesn’t actually end happy

Classic american

Richard II (Hollow Crown version) (Shakespeare royal)

Bend it like Beckham (Another mid 2000s romcom but this features Sports)

I’m very serious about this one but also it’s ridiculous

Clue (How did a game make such a quality movie?)

Excalibur (I use one quote from this movie like all the time)

This shouldn’t be that intense but it is is and it gave me anxiety

Father reconnecting with his children in Extremely Unlikely Way

Behated:

Watched this one time in undergrad trying to make friends and was terrified forever

Stuart Little (Childhood classic that i can’t remember beyond hating it)

The Last Jedi (Worse sequel than cursed child)

The power went out immediately after i saw this movie for my 16th birthday and again I have never known peace

Ratatouille (Everyone loves this movie and I just do not (animated))

I spent a long time Thinking about this movie before deciding the Vibes were off

Beauty and the Beast 2017 (The vibes were off from the start and also that dress?)

Captain America: Civil War (Didn’t do it like Beloved #1)

We are the Millers Too Found Family, Too Vulgar

2001: Space Odyssey I watched this in community college astronomy class, idk now if i hated it because i didn’t want to be there or bc it was weird af

Extra Hints: There’s another Zack Snyder movie on here, there’s another Batman movie, the MC in Behated #1 has my name also, two movies on the behated list have a rodent in them, one movie is also about weed

[theia-the-creator]

(via Types of Fae | Wiki | Pagans & Witches Amino)

This is a really great starter resource for just all the different types of fae that you don’t always hear about!

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Types of Fae/Fairies:

Alven:

Water fairies found in ponds in the Netherlands, though they don’t have wings. They can, however, fly by being encased in bubbles and traveling on the winds. Main home is the River Elbe, as it is sacred to them. Small fairies, extremely light and sometimes shift into otters.

Ashrays:

Water fairies from Scotland that are mistaken for sea ghosts; have white bodies and look like a twenty-year-old human, both male and female. Nocturnal fairies, if sunlight hits them they will melt into a rainbow-colored pond of water.

Asrai:

Arе little, frail, female fairies. Thеу can’t bе exposed tо sunshine оr captured; еlѕе thеу ѕhаll melt аwау іntо а puddle оf water.

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Ballybog (Peat Fairy):

Ancient Irish fairies that protect the peatbogs of Ireland; very ugly in appearance, as they are covered in mud and they are completely round. Known as boggans in Northern England.

Banshee (Beansidhe, Beannidhe, Washer at the fords, Washer-woman):

A spirit attached tо раrtісulаr families. Usually believed to announce or warn of a death in some of the old Irish and Scottish families, and when that occurs, she is known for her loud and piercing wail and weeping. When seen in Ireland, she is usually washing burial shrouds as a symbol for preparation for a burial. She looks different in each region where she has been seen. Some say she is a gorgeous woman, while others claim she looks more like a green hag with scraggly hair and long nails.

—Accurate Picture Not Available—

Brownies (House Brownies, Little Man):

Hаvе traditionally affiliated thеmѕеlvеѕ wіth humans аnd human families. Traditionally friendly аnd authentically helpful. Associated with the element earth. Supposed to pick a house with a nice and caring family in which to aid the woman of the house in her chores.

Changeling:

An ugly fairy child put in the place of a kidnapped human child.

Devas:

A type of fairy originating in Persia and Greece. Small fairies that appear as bright orbs of light that live in nature and are one with Mother Nature. Said to live in the woods and in conjunction with the natural vibrations around them.

Dryads:

Thеу аrе creatures thаt dwell іn thе trees, preferably Oaks. Thе Druids addressed thеm fоr aspiration.

Elves:

A dіffеrеnt nаmе bу whісh trooping fairies аrе known. Thеу mау bе split uр іntо thе Seelie аnd Unseelie Courts.

Gwragedd Annwn (Gwageth Anoon):

Arе traditionally Welsh water fairies, whо frоm time tо time choose human men fоr husbands.

—Accurate Picture Not Available—

Gwyllion:

Arе Scottish water fairy. They’re bу аnd large ѕееn аѕ а hairy men оr horrific female spirits whо ambush аnd mislead travelers bу dark оn thе mountain roads. Mountain fairies lіkе tо sit оn stones оn еіthеr side оf а mountain path аnd mutely watch passerby’s.

—Accurate Picture Not Available—

Heather Pixie (Moor Sprites):

A type of pixie fairy with beautifully delicate and translucent wings, seen in Scotland and England. Live in the moors and love the heather around the moors.

—Accurate Picture Not Available—

Irish Sea Water Guardians:

A type of fairy originating in the Isle of Man. Water guardian fairies of small stature and are sacred to the Sea God Manann. They are said to be surrounded by a greenish blue light. Guard the Irish seas and are said to float on broken eggshells or surf on Irish seashells during storms. Particularly active during sea storms. Enjoy dolphins and sea life in general.

Kelpie:

A type of fairy seen in Scotland and Ireland, associated with the water. Webfooted and ugly water spirits and aren’t seen anymore. They were said to snatch deer from the shoreline to eat, other fairies and even humans were eaten by kelpies. Shapeshifting was possible by the male kelpies, as they would shift into handsome human men to lure young women to the water in order to consume them.

Lady of the Lake:

A type of fairy or possibly a Mother goddess who offered excalibur to King Arthur of Camelot. Said to live on Avalon or possibly under Dosmary Pool.

Merpeople:

A type of water fairy seen worldwide. Commonly called mermaids or mermen and are half human-half fish creatures who reside in the oceans and seas throughout the world. Appear to be very beautiful creatures, both the men and the women. In many tales from sailors mermaids were said to lure ships to the rocks and to their deaths, but in other stories, mermaids were said to have rescued or tried to rescue drowning men.

Nymphs:

A type of fairy from Greece, said to be very seductive and are more of a classification of fairies. There are wood nymphs, water nymphs, tree nymphs, grove nymphs, etc. Have a reputation for being obsessed with sex, hence the term for someone addicted to sexual activity.

—Accurate Picture Not Available—

Pixies:

Frequently tаkе thе form оf hedgehogs. They’re naughty fairies whо love playing practical jokes оn humanity аnd оthеr Fay folk. Thеу lіkеwіѕе love tо steal horses tо ride. They live in flower gardens and are attracted to all types of flowers.

Salamanders:

A type of fairy most commonly known and seen as a fire elemental in magical workings. Salamanders appear as fiery lizards. Associated with the element fire and are known to aid in workings of passion and revenge.

Selkie:

A type of fairy that is a shapeshifter. A water fairy that has the ability to change from the appearance of a seal into a human being.

Urisk:

Iѕ а hermit fairy whо haunts lonesome pools. Hе wіll frequently seek оut human company however; hіѕ special appearance terrorizes thоѕе hе approaches.

—Accurate Picture Not Available—

Water Fairies:

Arе thе suppliers оf food, nourishers оf crops аnd takers оf lives. Thеу blend beauty wіth betrayal аnd lethality. Thеу mау bе friend оr foe.

Will O’Wisp:

A type of fairy that dances across lakes and bodies of water at night. The light that these fairies give off tends to look like a flickering candle or flickering orb of light. They have been seen all over the world.

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How to Work With Fae/Faires

Fae are repelled by negative energy in and around the home and areas that have low energy. So thoroughly cleansing every portion of the home and the land nearby is a sound idea.

—Having a clean home, free of clutter, dust, and a mess is an absolute must as Fae cannot stand a mess.

—Find a powerful location for your altar.

—Don’t demand too much from them in the beginning and instead bask in their graciousness, overall just be extremely humble.

—Speaking softly or singing, as well as playing gentle music or burning well-fragranced candles helps create a pleasing atmosphere. Leaving out honey or even a little bit of alcohol will be appreciated.

How do I Know I’m Working Fae?

The overall energy of the home will become stronger, more positive, and lighter as you begin working with them.

Some people say that they see them as dazzling points of light that stay for a second or two. Smile and acknowledge them.

General mental health may improve over time.

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SOURCES

Edit to profile picture made by Engracia

GIFS: GIPHY

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[havetheavengersdoneanythingwrong]

Prelude - Awaiting

The Masters witness the rising of a seemingly unbreakable wall. Surely, with this -- they find themselves prepared for what lay just beyond.

A Saber watches from beyond -- knowing a rebellion is close.

The crown does not so easily fall.

...The cave's lights slowly faded. Within the fires that spread across the ground, the Wicker Man fell -- and the blue Caster smiled. "...Nice work. That's your Noble Phantasm." "...My..?" The Shielder's eyes widened, lowering her shield as the Caster waved in the rest of our group. Kagekiyo proved to be the first there, followed shortly after by Olga Marie -- then, our other Caster, who ran in as best he could. "What was its name?! Mash, did you remember?" Olga naturally wasted not a moment before peppering Mash with questions, the latter taking a step back to get a bit of breathing room so she could even think of a response. "I-I don't know! I don't really have any idea what my Noble Phantasm's name is, but..." "--Then why not give it a name?" The blue Caster cut in, tapping Olga lightly on the head with his staff. Plonk. "If it means the same to you, it'll probably work," he continued, "though probably not as well as it could be." "A name..." The young girl glanced to one side, furrowing her brow in thought. Olga opened her mouth, but was interrupted just as quickly with another plonk. "...Why not... Lord Chaldeas? If I'm going to be protecting Chaldea, then..." "Lord Chaldeas it is." The blue Caster pulled his staff back with a smile, the bottom making impact with the ground beneath. "With what I just saw, we might just stand a chance. If we keep down this tunnel, we should be free to get to Saber. She's been standing there for some time, now -- my bet's that she's still there." Ritsuka gritted their teeth, but only nodded to the Caster. "Mash -- let's go. Stay on guard, too. We don't know what's going to happen." "Right, Senpai." Taking the initiative, Mash moved just in front of Ritsuka -- the latter taking my arm and pulling me beside them, with Kagekiyo following suit. "Cadence, stay behind Mash." "I was already planning on it, rest assured." My answer seemed to be enough to placate the Master, their shoulders relaxing. "...So, we just keep going through this tunnel?" "Yeah. We're too far away for Saber to notice us, so we got lucky with this safe ground. Just keep a gentle step, and we'll be fine." ...After that, a period of silence overwhelmed us, as we followed the blue Caster's lead. One foot in front of the other -- on a path down to this 'Saber.' A being so strong that everyone around her would fear her -- a being that made even someone like Ritsuka doubt themselves in an instant. I'd have wondered, 'what kind of person is this Saber?' -- --but the beam fired down the cave, tearing the Caster to shreds before our eyes, answered the question in a moment. -- 'They're approaching.' A new ally. Allies, to the Caster. 'I thought they'd have died in the mess of Shadow Servants.' Allies do that to you. They keep you alive. The blade in my hands ground itself into the dust-covered dirt beneath me. I spin it carefully with my hand -- to relieve the stress. 'They're smarter than I took them for. No wonder they're a Caster.' And no doubt they'd be looking for me. For the one who helps hold this world together. But when would they arrive -- would they ever arrive?' [Yes.] The voice. The voice resounding in my head. It reads to me of stories I had never yet heard of. It reads to me a kingdom I have never yet heard of. A perfect world, that comes only with the incineration of humanity. Of black stars that hang in the heavens, where the shadows of men's thoughts lengthen in the afternoon. [Eleven o'clock. You will strike true, the most important of them all.] Their voice, like a horrible ringing in my head, yet every word was clear and succinct. 'I understand.' A better kingdom awaited, if I fired this blow. My blade, risen to the stars, and my voice, spilling from my throat. 'Iron hammer of the hollow king. Turnover/Reverse/Overturn/Change the aurora.' A black light, the opposite, sucked it all in. My eyes settled upon the tunnel. 'Swallow the light -- Promised blade of victory, Excalibur Morgan!' -- Could anything have remained from a strike like that?

A shimmering blue wall was arisen, blocking off the remnants of the dark, all-consuming beam that had just previous threatened to devour us all. But the blue Caster -- ... ...Within the fires, the orange-red lights around us, even the remaining bloodstain couldn't be seen at all. All that remained, the wooden staff the man used, was broken -- ashed, charred, turned a sharp black and shattered into four separate pieces. As the blue light faded, I took care to collect these pieces -- ...Rather, my body. Even trying to pull myself back, respecting what remained, my body moved on its own, and picked up the leftover top of the staff. As it were, I were choking. The smoke, the smell of charred corpse and boiling blood as golden light enveloped and dispersed what remained, had me only moments away from falling to my knees and suffocating. There was no romantics to it -- hardly even a last word. The Caster was simply gone -- evaporated. Erased from this tunnel as though he were never there to begin with. I found myself only stopped by a hand upon my shoulder -- turning around, I found the eyes of another Master staring back at me. Panicked footsteps could be heard about me, but not something I could understand, or listen to. Mildly widened eyes, their body shaking -- but the soft smile remaining. "...It'll be okay, Cadence. He's a Servant -- he's not dead." ... ...They pushed me forwards past it. Past the Caster -- what remained. "...Just don't think about it. Keep moving. If we stop for too long, we're going to be dead, too."

'Keep moving.' I found my mind repeating those words -- latching onto them. The blood on the ground-- 'Keep moving.' --The piece of his staff, rattling in my pocket-- 'Keep moving.' ...That was all I could do. Claws wrapped around my throat, and every second I spent not walking was a second they could wrap fully around my throat -- and cause my legs to crumple, and my eyes to shut. 'Keep moving.' Surely, my cheeks were growing damp again. My eyes felt as though they were burning in the heat -- my teeth gritting. "Keep moving." Encouragement, whispered in my ear -- and, suddenly, another hand on my shoulder. ... Even not looking over to see who was there, the grip on my shoulder was firm -- stronger than Ritsuka's previous. Kagekiyo, surely, was there -- even if they would hardly care of my struggle, being a Genji-killer, they still remained. ...One step, in front of the other. One step, in front of the other, until the environment cleared. Before us -- a blonde woman, in a stark black dress. Red streaks laced the blade she held in one hand, and the mask covering her face, her eyes. She spoke not a word, only stepping forward. Raising her blade, yelling something loud yet inconceivable -- but suddenly, slamming her blade down, and being blocked by -- "Genji. Your orders, Master." The woman's blade struggled, caught between the blades of the Avenger -- forcibly pushing upwards, to catch the knight off balance, only to have their next strike blocked by the woman. The chaos, the flurry, was sudden and immediate -- and yet again, I found myself knowing that any order to retreat would be promptly and succinctly ignored. And yet, could we retreat? We had nowhere to return to, not until this woman -- and whatever lay after -- were defeated. We had nowhere to hide, for that beam she fired would reduce us to ashes, like the Caster before us. Behind us was nothing but death. In front of us lay death, with a light of hope behind it. ...The Caster wanted her gone. "...Master." The words of the Avenger broke my train of thought. "Do you want to get revenge on the Genji, Master?" '...And what other choice would I have?' 'What other choice would I have but to fight?' There was something, running through my veins. Placing it was impossible -- it was more, further, than fear. The beast clasped its claws around my neck, pulled down as hard as it could, but there was no longer anywhere to fall. It was either I lay down and die -- or make the Caster's work worth it, short though it was, and fight. ...My ring, settled on my finger, shimmered at once -- draining something of me. The blade the Saber blocked so eloquently, now made them begin to shake -- made their defences begin to fail. "...If this is the Genji, then they won't live through this. Avenger -- fight! Ritsuka, provide backup by any means necessary!" My eyes moved to the Master beside me, who widened their eyes as they looked into mine -- before grinning, and stepping forward, Mash running forward in tow. Behind her, the Caster we had remaining shook off some droplets from his head, and stepped forward -- raising his hands, clapping them together. "Master! I... I can provide backup support, but I'm going to need a moment! Please protect me!" The young boy called out to Ritsuka, who gasped slightly -- but, their gaze toughening, they nodded and glanced to me. "You heard the kid." "Right!" At the scene of the fight, the Saber's defence broke -- the woman jumping backwards to avoid the frantic, crazed slices of Kagekiyo before her. "--Entering combat!" But one wrong step to the right led the Saber directly into the path of Mash, whose shield proved a small bit more difficult to block thanks to its blunt force. The Shielder, giving all of her strength, leapt forward and swiped leftwards with the broad end of her shield, sending the Saber flying backwards; landing on her feet only by miracle, steadying herself with a hand.

Kagekiyo, in turn, leapt to the left, then directly forwards -- with a slash forwards, only blocked barely by the Saber's blade, she used the other to strike at the Saber's good arm. "--?!" Yet, swordplay only proved so useful when the Saber was willing to punch you directly in the face. Sending the Avenger back some distance, Mash ran in only just in time to shield them from a forward slash courtesy of the Saber. Yet, each noticed they were now listening to a chant. "There once was a couple whose child's name meant 'limitless life--'" The Avenger's blade faltered, a moment, but Mash's defence gave her enough time to recover. "Lasting twenty billion years, blessed by the sea, the fish--" "A chant. So this is your plan." The Saber changed courses -- setting eyes on the child, running towards them. Yet, the Avenger blocked their advance with another onslaught, their face stained with a wide and crazed grin. "If we can't beat you fairly, Genji, we will have to improvise. Given your attack on the man before, that's only fair." "And in the waters, or the clouds, or in the wind--" "You may try, fool." Blades clashed, came together, came apart -- one blackened blade, deflecting and clashing against two thin curved blades, the snarls of Avenger and Saber alike clouding the air about as the Shielder positioned herself in front of the Caster. "--with a home where there is food and a place to sleep--" The three clashing blades came apart, the Avenger now beginning to laugh, as the Saber gritted her teeth. The Avenger before her knew full well what would occur if the Saber had any breathing room -- that beam would destroy them all. And yet-- "Iron hammer of the hollow king. Overturn the aurora." ...She would try, anyways. But wasn't that what Kagekiyo could fight best? For Kagekiyo would never die. "...The everyday, now, is simply a dream." "--and the energy of the Yabukouji, with longetivity like King Shuuringan of Paipo--" The temperature spiked -- a buzzing, eternally hearable in my head. As though something were being supplanted for something else -- a backdoor opening in my mind. Yet, too, the light itself began to shake, as Saber rose her blade. "...Yes -- everything in this world, all the Genji reaches, must burn!" "--and longetivity like his wife, Guurindai, and their children Ponpokopii and Ponpokonaa's--" The temperature rises. There's a screaming in my head. There's two suns -- two suns setting behind the lakes-- "After all this time, I finally have my shot!" "SWALLOW THE LIGHT!" "--Long lived fortune!" ...

...Everyone could hear the buzzing in their minds. I knew it from the looks in their eyes -- their halted breaths. All around us froze -- the temperature, threatening to boil us alive, the light itself flickering, being consumed. But the boy remained. "...Do you want to know my name?" ...There's a screaming in my mind -- their minds. 'Listen.' 'Listen.'

'Listen.'

'Listen.'

"So be it." The young boy approached the Saber, calmly -- past the fire, the sure temperatures of Kagekiyo's blade, and past the shield of Mash that kept us all safe. "...My name is Jugemu. To be specific..." "Jugemu-Jugemu Goko-no-Surikire Kaijarisuigyo-no Suigyomatsu Unraimatsu Furaimatsu Kuunerutokoro-ni Sumutokoro Yaburakoji-no Burakoji Paipopaipo Paipo-no Shuuringan Shuuringan-no Guurindai Guurindai-no Ponpokopii-no Ponpokonaa-no Chokyuumei-no Chosuke." 'Listen.' 'Listen.' 'Speak.' "Jugemu-Jugemu Goko-no-Surikire Kaijarisuigyo-no Suigyomatsu Unraimatsu Furaimatsu Kuunerutokoro-ni Sumutokoro Yaburakoji-no Burakoji Paipopaipo Paipo-no Shuuringan Shuuringan-no Guurindai Guurindai-no Ponpokopii-no Ponpokonaa-no Chokyuumei-no Chosuke..?!" The words fell out of Saber's mouth before she could think -- the light suddenly shaking, and faltering, and coming to an end. 'Listen.' My very muscles halted. I could barely even will myself to breathe beyond a quiet, quiet breath. 'His name..? J--' 'Speak.' His name-- Suddenly, I found this urge. This urge deep within me. A spike drilling a hole into my head. I could hear it, burrowing deep into my mind. Like a drill, like a syringe, to extract my brain itself.

'Speak.'

With each repetition of the screaming voice's command, it grew harder to ignore. And the words came tumbling out. "Jugemu-Jugemu Goko-no-Surikire Kaijarisuigyo-no Suigyomatsu Unraimatsu Furaimatsu Kuunerutokoro-ni Sumutokoro Yaburakoji-no Burakoji Paipopaipo Paipo-no Shuuringan Shuuringan-no Guurindai Guurindai-no Ponpokopii-no Ponpokonaa-no Chokyuumei-no Chosuke..?! That's your true name..?!" I screamed it without meaning to. I covered my mouth -- I tried to -- but my body no longer responded. "That's who we summoned..?! We summoned Jugemu-Jugemu Goko-no-Surikire Kaijarisuigyo-no Suigyomatsu Unraimatsu Furaimatsu Kuunerutokoro-ni Sumutokoro Yaburakoji-no Burakoji Paipopaipo Paipo-no Shuuringan Shuuringan-no Guurindai Guurindai-no Ponpokopii-no Ponpokonaa-no Chokyuumei-no Chosuke..?!" Ritsuka fell, faltered, their words sputtering out as though it were a chant. Their eyes shuddered where they stood, their mouth twitching as though withholding some horrible scream.

'Listen.' The Saber, however, became the first to scream. She fell to her knees - she tried to -- but it was hardly enough. "This... This... This Jugemu-Jugemu Goko-no-Surikire Kaijarisuigyo-no Suigyomatsu Unraimatsu Furaimatsu Kuunerutokoro-ni Sumutokoro Yaburakoji-no Burakoji Paipopaipo Paipo-no Shuuringan Shuuringan-no Guurindai Guurindai-no Ponpokopii-no Ponpokonaa-no Chokyuumei-no Chosuke..?! You..! I know you, you..!" The child grinned -- his eyes widening, gaze sharpening, before he broke into laughter. A mist formed around his feet, as he placed a hand to the face of the Avenger. "You..! Avenger, who knows my tale. Finish off this maddened woman." 'Listen.' The Avenger only responded with a grin -- stepping forward, as though their muscles now returned to normal in a moment. "...Yes... After all this time, as I was saying -- I finally have my shot." Their mask cracked, and shattered -- and the 'Kagekiyo' separated. Thousands of them, surrounding the Saber. Perhaps the Saber had already broken, her mind already endlessly repeating the name of the Caster. Perhaps there was a tiny, tiny bit of sanity that remained in the dead eyes, the kneeling physique, of the Saber whose body broke -- and whose mind seemed destroyed. But, unable to speak -- all she could now do was listen.

"Shogyomujo -- Joshahissui!"

And in that moment-- --a technique most indescribable, a Servant whose powers were impossible to understand-- --nothing could have prepared the Saber to survive the strike that followed the madness.

[uniasus]

Here’s Where It Starts

Here's where it starts, Arthur thinks. His sword is on Merlin's neck and Merlin is just standing there. Staring at him.

Arthur takes a step forward, Merlin a step back.

Here's where it starts, the betrayal, the revenge. Years, Merlin has been by his side. Years and years, but it's only now, on a ride by themselves, that Merlin makes a move. Confesses magic.

And yet he'd made no move past the first demonstration, the loosening of Arthur’s sword belt from three feet away. Arthur had caught the leather, drew the weapon, and waited. He waits and waits.

Merlin doesn't move.

Arthur remembers words Merlin said once, words he thinks are true by the way Merlin eyes the blade's edge. A magic sword. A magic-killing sword. And it's pointing at a magic person.

Arthur presses forward again. This time Merlin stumbles back, heel catching a root. He reaches out for something for balance, grabs the sword.

Merlin lands on his rump, hissing, cradling his bleeding hand. Arthur still points Excalibur at him, tip lowered, sorcerer blood dripping on Merlin's knees.

He doesn't know what his face looks like but expects it's hard. He can see Merlin's face. The shifts, the remembrance. Once, Arthur cut down a Druid camp. More than once, he declared magic pure evil. He'd called Merlin wise, called him an idiot, called his own sister someone who needs to be stopped.

Here's where it starts, Arthur thinks as he watches Merlin's face, the betrayal, the revenge. For what, Arthur cannot say. Years of service? A slight on the father Merlin claims he never knew?

Merlin doesn't attack, he crumples. His eyes well up with tears, he stares at the blade now inches from his neck. He looks lost. Scared. Sad. One last flicker of emotion – betrayal – and he rests his forehead on his knees.

He doesn't move. His neck is right there. Supplicant. The blood continues to drip down Excalibur.

Here's where it starts, Arthur thinks. The sorrow, the rage, the revenge.

Except nothing does. They don't move. The birds chased away by their fight return. Slowly, so, so slowly, Merlin lifts his head.

It's bloody, he'd placed his cut hand on his cheek, and Arthur sees children running from horses, sees young women staring at a pyre's fire, old men pleading to the sky and earth. He sees a young man, fully convinced he would die, wonder if maybe, impossibly, he won't.

Arthur doesn't sheath his sword, but he walks away regardless. He doesn't like the look in Merlin's face, the one that matches the squirming in his chest.

Here's where it starts, Arthur thinks, with neither party trusting the other.

He watches Merlin pull off his neckerchief, wrap it around his hand, try to tie a knot with his teeth.

Here's where it starts, Arthur thinks, gently taking Merlin's hand in his to tie a proper knot secure against the cut, with one party trusting the other.

[tomyo]

A Vague Soul Eater Timeline Estimate:

TyI feel confused a lot when I see the characters listed as being 13 since a lot of elements don’t line up. Things like Soul riding a Harley (which are notoriously large and likely hard for a boy at the start of puberty to ride), Tsumugi (canonically 14) calling Maka senpai, and of course, the likelihood that the soul eater characters aren’t the same age. I saw a half finished draft pointing out some of these things but it began to become just a lengthy timeline. So as someone who’s obsessively documented this series for over 10 years, I thought I’d just explain the general time frames in Soul Eater. 

Warning: Long and full of spoilers.

First off, I always pictured the characters to start the series around 15 for various reasons I’ll get into later but in doing some extra fact checking, the wiki even cited Ohkubo saying Soul is 13-15. My viewing of their age is proto Maka and Soul in the pilot chapter look significantly younger than their standard design. While I doubt years passed between the Blair incident and Meeting Tsumugi on the stairs, I view their proto designs as 13 and their standard look as them at 15. Although admittedly there is a lot of information that can be contradictory as we will see.

Black Star is often headcanoned as the youngest but he is actually roughly a year older than Maka. He was brought to DWMA on the day she was born. The wiki says he was one year old but seeing as he was still unable to walk or talk, I’d guess it was closer between 6-10 months. 

Liz supposedly said in chapter 74 that she is two or three years older than BS making her around 17-19 at the beginning. I’m going to estimate low and put her at 17 for reasons. At some point I hope to find the original japanese text to see for myself just to verify if that’s what she said or if it was an embellished translation. Since Tsubaki has a similar figure to her, I would put her at the same age.

Patty is a little confusing. She’s called a Twin gun along with her sister and Japan still uses Onee/imouto even for twins based on who was born first, however Twin seems to more mean matching that literal twins in this use. Patty is probably anywhere between 14-16 but I’m going to stick with 16 because her doppleganger from B.ichi, Mana is 16 (Patty is also a bit taller than Maka which could suggest she is older.)

Death the Kidd has also been confirmed by Ohkubo to be 13-15 (which again I’m gonna place as 15).

So final thoughts before timeline listing, Soul Eater not is one of the most reliable pieces of info on the early Soul Eater timeline. Death City is in a monoseasonal climate which made it hard to identify how much time was passing but Tsumugi’s arrival fills in a LOT of details. She is 14 (a japanese middle schooler), arrives in Spring (Most likely April), Soul is still wearing a Gakuran(Boy’s middle school uniform) ONLY in the first episode (suggesting he was at the end of being middle school aged), Sid is still alive and Medusa is still around at the start but Stein shows up midway through the series, and her series ends on Halloween. I will push back the main kids’ ages back slightly for SEN. To also note, DWMA seems to most commonly take in students middle school aged an above unless there is a unique circumstance in cases like Black Star, PoT, PoF, and Angela. And finally, becoming a Death Weapon is rare and the info of Soul and Maka’s second time collecting 100 souls will suggest the minimum time progression from their first meeting to the Blair incident. 

So without further ado:

At 12/13 years old, Maka and Soul meet and pair up as a Meister Weapon pair. Both regularly wore a gakuran and the same sailor suit as tsumugi. Maka introduces Soul to Black Star who is a childhood friend and both meet his new partner Tsubaki.

Roughly one year before Tsumugi arrives, Spirit and Maka’s Mother (Who we will call Kami; her fan name from a misinterpretation) decide to get divorced. US divorces take about a year to go through and theirs finalized at the start of the first SE arc.

It was likely at this point Maka moved into an apartment with Soul since her mum left and the two seemed to have lived together for a while by SE not.

During the winter, Death offers Liz and Patty to become his weapons. Liz accepts wanting to provide Patty a better life.

Soul and Maka begin to to transition out of their middle school style uniforms as by a japanese standard, they would be considered high school aged now.

Soul Eater Not Starts

Age Estimates(Young-Oldest): SEN trio 14, Maka: 14 3/4, Soul 15, Dtk 15, BS 15.5, Patty 15.5, Liz 17, Tsubaki 17

Tsumugi discovers she is a weapon and moves to Death City in April. She meets her senpai Maka who is in the advanced class and who later gives a demonstration with Soul who is still wearing a Gakuran. Neither seem upset as they would have if they had recently encountered Blair. 

Between April and May, they loose the 100 souls they collected and Blair moves into their apartment. (SEN 4 references SE 4) A few days later, Black Star fights Mifune for the first time (Based on the Anime’s Prologues which better connect the stories).

Late April: Kim and Jackie become a Meister Weapon pair after Jackie learns Kim is a witch; they are possibly younger than the other main cast as they still wear sailor suits in the main series.

Mid-May: Eternal Feather is possessed by Shaula and is nearly killed but Stein stiches her back up. The main SE cast are likely not aware of Stein as Sid is still alive.

October: Shaula kills Sid.

October 31: Shaula attack Death City but SEN Trio kills her. 

Timeline Inconsistency: There is a timeskip at the end of SEN showing DtK, Liz and Patty becoming partners in Spring however they should already be a working team before the other’s remedial lesson. Specifically in the 2008 anime, Black Star and Soul notice someone (DTK) took a high level mission and ask a still alive Sid for information.

Kim and Jackie are moved up to EAT class.

Soul Eater Starts (Post prologues)

Age changes: Maka: 15; BS, Patty: 16. 6 months have elapsed since SEN.

November: Stein reanimates Stein. Soul, Maka, BS, and Tsubaki meet Stein during their remedial test who thereafter becomes their class teacher. BS and Soul attempt to fight DTK who is starting classes at DWMA. 

Maka and Soul fight Crona. Soul gets badly wounded and infected with Black Blood. Medusa who is unknowingly the witch creating black blood watches his progress in secret. While Soul is recovering Dtk and BS find Excalibur.

Winter: Tsubaki defeats her brother giving her a new power that BS needs to train to use leading to Maka wanting to also become stronger for Soul. Medusa briefly battles Eruka who becomes her unwilling servant. She sends Eruka to Free....Free. Maka, Soul, BS, and Tsubaki battle Free and defeat him after Maka and Soul overcome their issues and slightly awaken the black blood. Maka now is also infected with BB.

March: Year end exams more or less. Given the importance of the exam, it matches up with Japan’s placement exams.

Kid fights Crona while suspicion grows on Medusa.

March 31st: Shibusen founders party. Medusa ambushes them with only our 4 meister weapon pairs escaping. Crona is willingly captured after Maka befriends them and Medusa is ‘killed’, but the Kishin is ultimately revived and Stein is infected with Medusa??. Due to some confusing wording, a lot of people including myself mistake Shibusen’s foundation being around xmas. Realizing the actual date is the end of March, the timeline since Nov is a became a little more vague.

Age Changes: Soul, Dtk: 16; Liz Tsubaki; 18; 12mo since SEN; 6mo since SE

April: The death weapons convene in Death City. Crona starts school at DWMA.

Crona joins Maka and Soul on a mission to the Czech Republic where Arachne is reformed after 800 years. Giriko is also there and apparently just kept body stealing his kids for all that time.

Maka comes back temporarily paralyzed and BS fights Mifune a second time while seeking revenge. (We will diverge from the Anime now)

Joe comes to Death City for internal investigation.

A girl is possessed by Medusa. Crona becomes used to DWMA and Dtk puts on a part for them. Midway through the party, they are called on a mission. Kid is conflicted at finding Death’s name alongside the wizard Brew’s and Crona gets a visit from Medusa after leaving the party. Medusa tells Crona to spy and further worsen Stein’s condition. The Wiki points out that it’s May 21st based on a comment by Azusa. 

May 22nd: DtK fails to find the Book of Eibon.

May 23rd: Crona poisins Marie.

June: The 3 meister renaissance is formed.

The battle for Brew Occurs.

Maka finds out Crona is working with Medusa but doesn’t know what to do, Black Star fights Kid, and Justin Law, the shibusen traitor, kills Joe.

Stein and Marie leave to track Joe’s Killer, BS and Tsubaki take a break from shibusen to go to Tsubaki’s home, and Crona leave Death City for good.

Maka, Soul, DtK, Liz, Patty, and Blair fight some of the Kishin’s clown agents in Russia.

Medusa returns and bargains with Shibusen with her child host as hostage and giving the names of witches in Death City, including Kim who runs away to join Arachnaphobia. Arachnaphobia uses a brew tool to manipulate them.

An alliance between Medusa and Shibusen is formed to fight Arachnaphobia.

I want to make the guess that summer has passed and it is August/September by the Baba Yaga fight. 1. Because it seems like enough events have happened that 3months would have passed and 2. this would make the time skip start in spring which fits thematically (new arc, new team, etc).

The battle against Arachne occurs. Kim and Jackie are saved. BS kills Mifune in their final battle. Arachne is killed by Soul and Maka becoming their witch soul to make Soul a death scythe. Medusa transfers herself to her sister’s corpse and flees leaving behind a free Rachel. Death is captured by Noah.

Angela is taken in by Shibusen who plan to try and guide her away from the sway of destruction natural in witches.

 6 month timeskip, the main cast heals, Spartoi is formed, Justin is formally know as the traitor acquitting Stein of the murder, and Soul and Maka recollect 100 kishin souls thus officially turning Soul into a death scythe. 

Spartoi Arc Starts

Time Passed since SEN: 2 years; Since SE: 1year 5 months

Ages: Maka 16 3/4, Soul/DtK 17, BS/Patty 17 1/2, Liz/Tsubaki:19

Maka and Soul train with Kim and Jackie to utilize Maka’s grigori soul properties for flying. At the same time, Gopher, Noah’s devot peon, attacks intending to assassinate Maka. Maka ofc wins. 

Killik is sent to do reconnaissance on Medusa with Liz and Patty in addition to his Shamanic weapons. There he faces off against Medusa’s madness experimentations.

At the same time, BS and Tsubaki’s recon leads them to a memory erased Crona who they battle with. Eruka and Mizune come to retrieve Crona but Eruka is caught by BS in the end.

Also at the same time, Medusa who was overseeing both events through a crystal ball ends up in a three way battle with Justin and Tezca, the South American death scythe.

Maka and Soul who are still at school discuss how Soul has been getting even more partner requests lately. Only Maka seems aware that an underclassmen has been following them as well.

Soul and Maka witness Blair and the Chupa witches make their way to meet with Shinigami-sama about rescuing Kid followed by BS breaking in behind them to show off the captured Eruka.

Spartoi and Blair enter the book intending to save Kid. While I won’t go over it in its entirety, it’s worthwhile to point out that Giriko describes Maka as looking 15 or so (Something the fandom used often as Maka’s age). However, when he also believed she was new henchman, he said she was 7/10 years too young to be working there suggesting he perceives her as younger than she is. 

DtK gets consumed by madness and has a duel with BS. 

Crona starts spreading madness zones in Russia. Maka and Soul journey with Stein, Kim and Jackie but Soul is briefly taken over by madness.

Kid starts pursuing for answers on Eibon.

Crona kills Medusa.

Spartoi is given the order to kill Crona if found. Maka does a soul perception search but instead comes across the kishin on the moon.

Shibusen prepares for the battle on the moon while Maka and Soul continue to look for Crona. Very little time passes during the kid salvage arc and it seems to be summer when preparations are finished. I would presume since an airship was needed to be built, the final battle takes place around August. 

As Kid and the Death Scythes begin the battle on the moon, Spartoi joins Maka in finding Crona in Italy. Maka fails to talk Crona down who then heads to the moon with the intent to consume the Kishin.

Having no interest in killing Crona, the kids somewhat defect from Spartoi and head to the moon to aid in the fight. However, some of the fighters from the moon, including kid, return after struggling in their mission. Kid decides to gather allies with the witches in order to defeat Asura. 

Crona consumes the kishin and battles Maka while stripping her friends and partner. Maka uses Spirit instead and Crona becomes frustrated at being unable to disharmonize the two. Spirit explains their parent/child connection is too strong to be unsynced causes them to freak out and be overtaken by the kishin.

The meister weapon pair trio battles Asura, Kid reaches godhood, Maka and Soul go inside the Kishin to find Crona, work with them, and kill the Kishin as they rip through him. The witches protect the humans from the flood of madness that spills out and a new era of Shibusen/Witch alliance forms.

Chrona deadass infects the world with boob madness.

A funeral for Shinigami-sama is held the following week.

Kid’s coronation occurs where he announces the end to the war between Shibusen and Witches. We know enough time has passed that people became used to the black moon and BS has decently healed despite literally breaking every bone in his body but Marie hasn’t gotten her baby bump yet which comes in during the third month of pregnancy meaning probably only 2 months at most have passed. October makes sense for where the story ends.

Final main 7 ages (vague ideas): 

Maka: 17

Soul: 17.5

Black Star: 18

Tsubaki: 19-20

Death the Kid: 17.5

Liz:19-20

Patty:18

Total time since SEN started: 2.5 years

Total time since post prologue SE: ~2 years

Final thoughts:

Well, that took two long nights to write down. I tried not to give a tedious play by play and only put down the most essential of story details to help give an idea on time passage. It got progressively harder to detail time as sources started to dwindle from the manga timeline. I love the Spartoi arc so at some point I might go through that part again to reexamine some details. Japanese high school is only three years long so the idea of their story starting at Japan’s freshman age and ending around HS graduation seems fitting. One of the things that also occurred to me with the timeline write up was that Justin in concretely 17 when Crona briefly joins Shibusen, giving us someone to contrast against our cast. In this lovely breakdown we can see the growth spurt the main 3 guys go through but if you also look at their artwork in the later chapters, they also share similar slimmed features to Justin’s design. I will say, early on I was surprised how many time frame details I was able to pull out from the material. Soul Eater was always vague with the fine details but clearly some of us managed to pull out a lot from it. 

In terms of the soul collection, the second 100 souls required 2 years to get(1 soul/mission a week). Soul collection would theoretically get easier over time and experience but its hard to figure out with all the variables we saw like a major injury, an attack on the city, and the kishin revival. Then there’s also questioning how long it took Maka and Soul to sync up. While Tsumugi’s case is unusual, it took her 6 months to even partner up (though then they also flawlessly killed a witch sooo). Going by the middle + high school model for Shibusen, Maka’s efficiency and a less big world issues could possibly validate the idea they could get that far in 3 years. Applying that much time for the idea Maka/Soul are 13 would mean they started their partnership at around 9-10 years old which seems unlikely to me. Then again, Justin became a death scythe AT 13 so who knows. 

My last little thought is completely inconsequential but I see Maka as having an end of August birthday. The 23rd game to mind but I didn’t realize that was the switchover date from Leo to Virgo. Based on what google searches say about those signs, it feels fitting imo.

Well, congrats for making it all the way and thanks for hearing out my ramblings!

[excalibur0]

if your breastplate doesn't have nipples then what is even the point