#ew kisame

[mixelation]

i love the minato in iwa snippet, but i gotta ask, how the hell did team 4 deal with that??? logically they know he’s a badass kage and all, but he has the presence of a baby kitten and a backbone of wet tissue paper, itachi at least seemed to be silently freaking out a bit there, but what about tori? deidara????

at this point none of them actually know what minato did, but all three of them are ready to go nuclear themselves. so when minato goes off, itachi just kind of assumes..... an itachi level of violence? he's freaked out by the sudden reminder minato could bend him into a pretzel if he wanted, but itachi also grew up with him and considers him relatively safe, so he's not as freaked out as he could be

for expediency i deleted some dialogue at the end. basically, minato was like "okay, who wants to go home, and who wants to go for a walk with me???" and deidara was like ME I WANT TO DO WHATEVER HORRIBLE THING TO IWA!!!!! and tori's exact wording was "ew." deidara is SO into fucking up iwa he gives zero thought to minato besides "cool, a coconspirator." tori does not get a thrill out of direct violence and she's too paranoid about being eaten alive to be like "oh worm you want this insane blood seal i have been able to do this whole time???" but at the same time in her brain she's still a glorified civilian and she doesn't differentiate between the danger minato poses vs itachi or deidara or even a rando jounin because she assumes once the power gap is big enough it's functionally the same as even bigger power gaps.

i think a team 4 debrief session would be fun though, to get everyone's reaction of "uuuum what the fuck, hokage-sama :)" and then also make minato unpack some of the insane bullshit team 4 did prior to his arrival. for example tori and deidara went out of their to befriend kurotsuchi, which is very darkly funny in hindsight. tori intentionally befriended mangetsu for strategic reasons and then cashed in her "manipulate the boy who likes you" card by weeping to him about how iwa kidnapped her sensei so kisame/kiri gets the story before iwa invents a justification. same people's limbs were melted off and a lot of brains were scrambled. in hindsight iwa was definitely trying to kill them IN the exam and none of them noticed until specifically asked about it. kushina reveals that despite being an active field jounin, she's never stayed the night in the hospital or had an IV, and this is the most insane revelation of the night

[lavender-long-stories]

Spoilers for Lavender Umbrellas | Chapter 1 | Rated T

Kisame shoved an apple whole in his mouth and made a sour face. Ew. He didn’t rinse his mouth out well enough when he brushed his teeth. He winced as he slid his uniform shirt on. His shoulder was still sore. It didn’t want to be lifted higher than his rib cage. He tossed his hair in the mirror and opened the door to end the incessant knocking. “We’re running late,” Itachi informed him of the obvious. “At least put your tie on.” “I’m getting there.” Kisame slid into his shoes, grabbed his club jacket, and put his bag in between his teeth to lock his door. “If you want me to dress like an honor student, we’ll miss homeroom.”

“I understood half of that.” Itachi mused.

Kisame bared his sharp teeth a bit more, following him down the rickety stairs while he tossed his jacket on, or at least tried to. “Ah.” He groaned.

“If you're going to complain, stop getting into fights.” Itachi walked with his head high, judging him. Jack ass.

“I didn’t start it.” Kisame managed to get the jacket on. He spat out his bag and more gently put it over his shoulder, which hurt less. “You enjoyed it.” Itachi countered. 

Kisame rolled his neck. This was an old argument. Kisame skin was littered with healing purple blotches, cuts, scrapes, and scars. They ranged from the last couple of weeks to the last couple of years. He could use a break to let the skin on his knuckles finally heal, but if a man wanted a fight, he wasn’t going to turn them down. The endless aches in pains did make it less sweet when he one.

“Just don’t piss off the wrong people. It will come back on all of us,” Kisame didn’t need the reminder.

Their side of the street was suspiciously free of by-passers, as usual. Most of the time, people didn’t even make it discrete when they were crossing the street to avoid him. His height, mass, tattoos, and sharp teeth made mothers hide their children and grown men avoid crossing his path. And, oh yeah, he was blue. Add the bandages and bruises, and he was the prime candidate for ‘avoid at all costs.’

Itachi benefited from the aura of deflection. Kept the ravenous girls a bay, barely. It was possible that the air of unavailability and danger made him more desirable to some of the lunatics that attended their school. At least it helped someone. Call it public service.

Itachi paused only briefly as he stood in from of his classroom, giving him a brief wave of his hand as they split ways. Getting separated this year was at the top of his list of annoyances this year. Right next to finally being tall enough, he had to duck into every doorway.

His class was uncharacteristically awake and lively. Kisame could hear it before he even got in the door. They were excited about something. 

In the front of the room stood a small girl. Well, small to him. She had to be a year or two behind them. Her pristine uniform had the skirt as low as it would go. The standard school sweater was a little big on her, but her blouse was buttoned up to the top. She could be a model for the school uniform pamphlets they sent to parents. She spoke to the class president with her eyes turned down solidly on her shoes. Fiddling with the end of her long dark hair with one hand, leaning on a purple umbrella with the other

Was it supposed to rain? Was she lost?

Kisame lost interest quickly. If the answer wasn’t easy, he didn’t care to find out. He dropped himself into his seat in the back of the room.  

Pein handed her something before turning to the class. “This is Hinata Hyuga. She will be joining our class for the rest of the year.”

Hinata bowed her head. She leaned too far, and her bag slipped forward, pulling her off balance. She stumbled, jamming her weight on the umbrella. Her already pink face got redder as the class rippled in collective amusement. She straightened like a pin, going back to staring at her shoes.

Pein waved his hand toward the class. “Find an empty seat.” A good quarter of the room was still missing. They didn’t have a full class anyway. Most would come in right before the bell or nonchalantly disrupt class, daring the instructor to comment on their repeat lateness. Hidan. Plenty of seats were open, so why was she making a beeline for him.

Hinata stood at the empty seat at his table. “Is this seat taken?” Was she blind or stupid? “No.”

“May I?” Hinata’s hand hovered over the seat. Polite. “Knock yourself out.”

Hinata thanked him, bowing her head more gracefully this time before claiming the seat. She unloaded her bag of supplies before tucking the umbrella on the back of her chair. Seriously, it was irritatingly sunny today. Why the umbrella? Was that why she was so pale?

Deidara turned around in his chair, tilting it back, folding his arms on her section of the desk. Hinata retracted, looking at him like he was a snake about to strike her. “Aren't you a little young to be in our year, hm?”

Hinata hesitated, running her fingers on the edge of her notebook nervously. “I was home tutored for a year. I got too far ahead in my materials.” “Where are you from?” Deidara laid his head down his arms, looking up at her like she was a new toy.

Hinata didn’t look like she wanted to play. “Uh… the other side of town.” 

“Deidara. We're starting. Turn around.” The instructor snapped as he walked in. Deidara scowled childishly, letting his chair slam down, making the poor girl jump.

--**-- The novelty would wear off, Hinata tried to remind herself. Soon something would happen, and the new girl would no longer be interesting. She will soon just be another student. People wouldn’t even glance at her as she walked by. The interest would pass.

Hinata repeated her reassurances in her head while she deliberately fidgeted with her pen to keep her mind off the fact that just because it would pass didn’t mean she didn’t still have to deal with it in the meantime.

At least she could be grateful that she wasn’t in Neji’s class. That would have been a nightmare. His smothering would not be missed for a few hours a day. She could also be grateful the seat in the back of the room was open, comfortably out of people's line of sight, but of course, that also meant if someone were staring at her, she would be painfully aware of it. At least, it made it harder.

Hinata glanced at her desk mate from under her bangs. He was easily a foot taller than her, if not more. His thigh was the size of her waist, and she didn’t consider herself particularly thin. Because of his size, he barely fit in his chair, and he had to bend over entirely to write. He rolled his neck from time to time, revealing that the bruises that litter his face continued down his shoulders.

His hands were massive and webbed. He held his pen at an odd angle, though she wasn’t sure that was related. His knuckles were blistered and purple. Occasionally he would bump it and wince. He flinched as he yawned wide, showing rows of sharp teeth and a split in his lip that looked fresh.

What was he? She wouldn’t prod, but she was curious.

Shifting her attention to the rest of the room, there were a lot of black jackets not standard to the uniform, all with a red cloud patch on the back. It reminded her of the movie about American greasers. Her deskmate even had one. Was it a club? Was it official? There was only one girl. Was it a rough team sport? It might explain his bruises.

The students cleared out as lunch came. Hinata pulled out her bento. Couldn’t she just stay here? “Hinata-sama,” Neji called from the door. His eyes narrowed with distaste at her deskmate still in his seat. “I can take you to the cafeteria.” “I would rather stay here. I have had enough staring for one day.” Hinata bargained. “I will join you then.” Neji turned back toward the door. “No!” Hinata waved her hands. “Go sit with your friends. I’m fine.” Neji hesitated, debating whether he wanted to argue with her. “Why are you sitting so far back? Couldn’t you get a chair closer to the door? Should I talk to the teacher?”

No, no, no. I chose it. I prefer the back.”

Neji wanted so badly to argue, but they both knew it was better kept to himself. “Lee-san will be disappointed.” For a second, maybe. “Have a good lunch, Hinata-sama.” Neji dismissed himself with a last warning glare at her deskmate, who wasn’t even paying attention to him.

He stretched out over his half of the desk. His face was twisted. It either felt comfortable or awful. He didn’t look like he planned to get up, but he didn’t get out a lunch. “You don’t eat?” Her desk mate turned his head to look up at her. He raised an eyebrow. Hinata dropped her eyes to her bento to fumble it open. She shouldn’t have asked. She was prodding. She didn’t know him. She should ask questions.

“No,” He pursed his lip in distaste. “Can’t eat school lunch, and I don’t cook. I’ll find something on the way home.” Hinata fiddled with her chopsticks. “Is there something wrong with school lunches here?”

“Not wrong. I just can’t eat it. I’m allergic to milk, have to be careful with gluten, and preservatives make me sick.” Special body, special needs. “Plus, the cafeteria reeks. Itachi usually comes in to sit with me, but he’s meeting his brother today.” Heightened sense of smell? Hopefully, she didn’t smell unpleasant. Should she stay away from perfume? Wait, Itachi? “Uchiha?” He tilted his head but nodded. “So, he’s with Sasuke-san?”

“You know them?” He sat up only enough to fold his arms under him. Even that slight incline made him at her eye line. “Uhm. When I was younger.” Hinata picked at her food. Her stomach was in knots. She wasn’t feeling hungry. “What do you usually eat?”

“Burnt rice, undercooked fish, and bruised fruit.” Sarcasm, refreshing. 

It must be difficult to eat healthy with eating restrictions and no cooking skills. “Do you like sashimi and rice balls?”

“Yeah?” Hinata slid her bento toward him, plucking a rice ball out for herself. “You sharing?” He quirked a brow, pointing at it. Hinata nodded, nibbling on her rice ball. “Thanks.” He popped a rice ball in his mouth. They were too small for him. Hinata slide her chopsticks to him, ignoring the amused look on his face as he picked out one of the cuts of soaked fish. “This is great.”

“Really?” At least he liked it. What would she have done if he hated it? “Did you make this?” Hinata nodded. “Cool.” 

Hinata was glad she chose to sit in the back of the room.

--**-- Hinata gave Kisame an adorable, little, awkward wave as Neji collected her at the end of her first day. The poor thing overthought everything. Itachi gave her a short warm greeting before she was all but dragged away. “So she is…?” “Hyuga corporation heir.” Itachi smiled at her wake. “The people who own every hotel in the city?” Kisame didn’t even consider that she was related to those Hyuga, at least not that closely. “Is she here for the same reason you are?” Mega-rich kids in a mid-level private school didn’t make much sense to him. Take the luxuries you were born into. Some people would kill for the opportunities you were giving up.

“I heard Hinata relocated to her uncle’s. It’s possible she wanted to go to a school with less pressure after being home tutored for so long.” That explained nothing. “The main Hyuga aren’t usually allowed so publicly associate with the rest of the family.” That made less sense. “I’m surprised she’s allowed to live with them.”

“Rich people.” Kisame scoffed. “You would think you would take a better education.”

“Better education comes with extreme pressure.” Itachi side-eyed him. Another argument they had too many times.

“Yeah, yeah.” Kisame rolled his eyes away. “You know her well?” “As heirs of our respective clans, we were pushed together as children, but our families are rivals. We weren’t allowed to be close. I doubt she’s changed much. I’m not surprised she sat next to you.” Kisame cocked an eyebrow. “Hinata likes to hide, fade into the background if she can help it.” Kisame paused at the crosswalk. “Is she color-blind?”

“She’s kind to a fault. I doubt she considered you any kind of threat.” A smirk spread across Itachi’s face. “And now that she’s warmed up to you, I suspect she’s going to be more prepared to make friends tomorrow.”

Lavender Umbrellas

Pairing: Kisame x Hinata Rating: T

Description: Hinata moves to her cousin's school and makes friends with a misfit study group, namely Kisame. Heartfelt relationship between a shy small girl and a big tough guy.

Tags: Romance  |  Fluff  |  Happy Ending  |  Alternate Universe - Modern Setting  |  Alternate Universe - High School  |  Big Brother Neji  |  Akatsuki Study Group  |  Disabled Character  |  Tooth-Rotting Fluff 

[philosophicalparadox]

Well I did something

Update! We are at chapter 14 going on 15 now. This is going to be So Much Longer than I thought. Bout to start phase 2 of the KakaIru relationship, dip into the NaruSaku and then spam like three chapters of KisaIta cause I have way more scenes for those two lol

Check it out if you’re into it. Takes place somewhere in the middle of Shippuden, after the Itachi Retrieval arc but in an alternate universe in which Hidan and Kakuzu don’t die (nor does Asuma) and Deidara doesn’t fight Sasuke, though Kisame eventually does. I’ll work out the kinks later (haha punny punny)

Very Naruto-fandom Summary updated:

For Shinobi, Love is tantamount to Sin. There are good reasons for that.

For each Shinobi harbors Scars, and hides Secrets. Scars that twist them; Secrets that scar them. Sometimes love can heal. Sometimes it can hurt. And sometimes it’s just inevitable.

A tale focusing on a few sets of Lovers whose stories drift together, and as they collide like galaxies, they create new, otherwise implausible worlds along the way.

Or, a tale in which Itachi doesn't quite get his way, and Sasuke has no choice but to return home to find his brother, with some...unexpected, company of his own; Kakashi becomes a savior and surrogate lover as well as a real one, and Kisame is hopelessly doomed by the narrative because love makes you do stupid things. Selfless, honest, terrible, very stupid things.

*smut officially begins in ch. 9* *Sasuke’s arc starts ch. 12* SLOW BURN with disjointed character chapters/arcs at the beginning. This will resolve as the arcs collide.

PAIRINGS: Kakashi/Iruka and Kisame/Itachi main, in that order more or less. Eventual Kakashi/Itachi and maaaaybe a three way. Maybe.

Others include Sasuke/Suigetsu (which isn’t exactly serious) and Sasuke/Karin (with consequences) cause we are goin with the repressed hyper sexual teenager trope again, Naruto/Sakura (no! Not like that! Don’t compare me to the incels that write that crap) and eventually a Naruto/Sasuke/Sakura polycule. They’re rare! And honestly I Love writing Sakura way more than I thought I would. Exploring the Naruto verse from Kunoichi perspective is Fun! (If a bit depressing)

Loads of BDSM stuff particularly where Sasuke and Kakashi are concerned. Are you surprised? lol.

Genre: Hurt/comfort (much ow. Lots of angst. Plenty of bittersweet.) some Whump-ish moments, especially in the Awkward Caretaker trope. no horror elements (gasp! No horror from me? Unheard of!) but some medical stuff that’s pretty accurate but not very gory. I tried to curb my itch to make it bloody but if you’ve read my stuff or been around on my blog you’ll know that’s hard.

WARNING: Explicit Rating Justified. A Dead Dove: Do Not Eat (pfffft like I write anything else) Some vague but critically important scenes of SA. Deals with heavy PTSD issues, SA recovery, and Cancer, because Itachi is Dying and I needed something more survivable than the alternatives. Some medical ickiness and Ew moments but nothing too graphic. (Eh…for me, that is. Take it with a pinch of salt.) among these are mentions of morphine use in hospice, euthanasia, The Death Rattle, vomiting, migraines, aforementioned cancer, and Awkward Caretaker moments.

There’s also some um…social commentary? About the Japanese-flavored society these characters live in embedded into the story, things like social homophobia and sexism that are similarly Japanese-flavored and kinda historically accurate. (Plus like, Kishimoto man. He built that crap into the manga and it feels weird not to notice it?)

Itachi LIVES but so does Sasuke. They do eventually make nice…The Hard Way. (Undecided how I’m handling their relationship. Might decideto go for a Brother Complex Sasuke. Right now the fic is writing itself and I’m just letting it. Will update if that happens.)

Also I know way too many things about sharks so my Kisame HC’s are working through lol Sharks Make Sounds and You Can’t Stop Me.

[lightweaving]

All's Well That Ends Well: A KisaTsuna Crackfic

My first attempt at writing crack, and I'm so in love. Features Kisame simping HARD for Tsunade, and the whole thing is narrated from Itachi's POV with him going "ew feelings"

Summary: When Kisame finds out that the kyuubi jinchuuriki and Jiraiya-sama were out of Konoha to look for the sannin Tsunade, he insists on following them - all so he can meet his idol at last. Itachi just wants the whole thing to be over so he can go home.

Probably my favourite bit from the entire fic:

“She refused to heal you – said there was no way she was going to help a traitor to her village. She’s some woman, Itachi-san.” Itachi personally thought that was a rather normal stance for any shinobi with any semblance of loyalty towards their village at all to take, but far be it from him to argue with Kisame on something so trivial. 

[hatredcurse]

Wh- UGHHHHHHH

The wispy white threads within Itachi's fingers withered and dampened. Touch not unwelcome, but the comment very much so.

" Ew, fuck, don't say that to me. I don't wanna' know about that, " he felt his skin undulating and the thoughts stabbing into each section of his brain relentlessly.

Suigetsu didn't care what Kisame had to say or think about it all, but this waterling couldn't think anyways because now he's suffering under disgusting and unlikable scenes in his head. Flashes of agony. Lightning God, if you're real, please strike him down.

@hatredcurse " Actually, can ya' drop old man Kisame and just be the sole parent of me? It'd be my greatest wish, " Suigetsu clears his throat obnoxiously loud and whispers under all the noise.

«And here I was, thinking you two got along so well.»

ㅤOther than, you know, fighting over Samehada and who has the coolest sword and all that; Itachi himself may or may not be to blame for this last one, and for being completely biased. It's the sort of remark that would also be deserving of a forehead poke but, because those are forever Sasuke-exclusive, he does the second best thing and reaches over to muss up Suigetsu's hair.

«Don't be mean, though. If I drop him, then what's going to happen to my sex life?»

[ofrolysdogs]

[ headcanon that juzo was zabuza the way kisame was to fuguki ]

[verdantmoontruther]

am i an asshole for being amused by the fact that itachi’s voice would’ve not yet broken when he killed his family and joined akatsuki lmao. like imagine he’s traveling with kisame and this stoic aloof terrifying missing-nin suddenly squeaks in front of some vendor or something. kisame would never say it out loud (too polite) but in his head he’s like “can’t take this guy anywhere, what an embarrassment” LMFAOOOO

[ofrolysdogs]

OwO!! The Akatsuki!!! :3

[ Hi realised about Kisame.... who killed their closest ally and all of a sudden its like.... 🧍🏾‍♀️]

My full piece for Konoha High Zine! hosted by @teajikan-zines

I couldn’t wait to share this with you!! see If you can catch all the details ;) Thank you for supporting this project!!!!   

You can get this print here! 

[splickedylit]

2007-2020

A lot has changed in 13 years like for one thing I now understand the inherent shippability of a giant shark monster man and a Very Dangerous Twink.

[nonbinarysasukes]

*Team Taka and Akatsuki meet*

Suigetsu: *starts singing Baby Shark*

Kisame, tearing up: Mommy shark do do do do do do...

Sasuke: IF THE BOTH OF YOU DON'T SHUT UP RIGHT NOW I WILL ACTUALLY FUCKING RIP YOUR GUTS OUT.

[goddess-of-green]

I saw your akatsuki kisses post! I loved it and now i wonder if you could do one about cuddles? Or maybe just hugs pls 🥺

Warnings: GN!Reader, language, mentions of blood

◙ Tobi

‣ Cuddles with Tobi can go two ways

‣ You have sweet boi just wanting to be held by you, and hyperactive manchild spinning you around and squeezing you so tight you can't breathe

‣ But we love both ok, stan whatever the fuck Tobi is

‣ Tobi likes to lay his head in your lap and wrap his arms around your waist, snuggling into your tummy while you run your fingers through his hair and he tells you about his latest shenanigans with Deidara

‣ He likes to be the little spoon, please don't make fun of him

‣ Obito likes it when you sit in his lap and snuggle into his chest, it gives him palpitations

◙ Pain

‣ Pain lowkey loves to cuddle with you

‣ Be careful though

‣ If someone happens to walk in on you two he has no qualms with shoving you out of his lap and acting like the big bad boy he thinks he is

‣ Please wrap your arms around him after a long day and just kiss his piercings and let him know how much you lust for love him <3

‣ He prefers to be the big spoon fragile masculinity he weighs like 50 pounds guys but if he had a long day or he's just being needy he'll have you wrap your arms around him and run your fingers through his hair

‣ Konan caught you two cuddling once and never let him live it down (she approves)

◙ Itachi

‣ Cuddling with Itachi is very peaceful

‣ And sometimes sad for no reason??

‣ Everytime Itachi sees you he acts like it will be his last time

‣ If he trusts you, he'll tell you about his baby brother, Sasuke, while you lay in his arms and squeeze his midsection when he starts to get sad

‣ He savors your touch and runs his fingers through your hair, while you hum or tell him stories about your life before you joined the Akatsuki

‣ You try to keep the sad parts out of your stories, and Itachi does the same, you can both agree that cuddling should always be happy

◙ Kisame

‣ He could literally just wrap his entire body around you and suffocate you if he wanted

‣ Big boy, big pillow, big cuddles, big comfort

‣ big

‣ You like to just,, lay on him when he comes back from a mission and he'll wrap his arms around you and squeeze you tight enough for you to know that he fucking loves you

‣ He'll occasionally let you be the big spoon if you can manage to wrap your arms around his monster torso

‣ You love the feeling of him enveloping you in his arms while you two just, lay together, close enough for you to smell the sea salt on him <3

◙ Kakuzu

‣ Honestly, is cuddling even an option with this man??

‣ Depends on how whipped he is

‣ But if you look up at him just right and give him those eyes then...well, how could he say no?

‣ Acts like he hates it but holding his love safely in his arms makes him feel warm inside, all five of his hearts flutter

‣ Will let you go if he so much as senses someone else nearby

‣ If you happen to fall asleep on him he would never push you off

◙ Sasori

‣ Prolonged hugging? Why? Why would he willingly give up the mobility of his hands just to touch you?

‣ But then he tries it, because damn it his love always gets what she wants

‣ And oh, you are very warm and ew he loves the way you feel against him

‣ Snuggling into his neck was the last straw

‣ "Ah, love. You always find ways to rope me into your odd displays of affection. Sometimes I wonder if you are more clever than I am."

‣ He'll have you sit in his lap, keeping him warm while he adjusts his creepy corpse puppet weapons

◙ Deidara

‣ As long as he minds his hands, you guys are pretty much always cuddling

‣ Or at least wrapped up in each other in some way

‣ You were laying in between Deidara's legs, his arms around you and Tobi asked if he could join the cuddle train

‣ He likes it when you run your fingers through his hair, (it makes him blush when you compliment it)

‣ Sometimes he'll just..take you out on his clay bird and you'll lay in his arms while you guys watch the sunset

‣ You tried to be the big spoon once but you practically ate Deidara's hair, you are forever little spoon hahahaha

◙ Hidan

‣ Will just wrap his arms around you if the desire strikes him

‣ He likes to come up behind you and wrap his arms around your waist, putting his chin on your shoulder and licking kissing your cheek with a smirk

‣ It hurts his manly ego to be the little spoon but real men like the feel of their women's arms around them he tells himself

‣ Can't help but genuinely smile when he sees you cuddled up to him, half-asleep and completely peaceful

‣ Tries very hard to not melt when you run your fingers through his hair

‣ Will sometimes just come up behind and hug you, waiting for you to realize that he's covered in blood and now you are too :)

◙ Konan

‣ oh my god she will suffocate you with her adorableness alone

‣ She has a huge rack so you can feel her up against you when she's the big spoon oops

‣ She gets really shy and will blush if you even suggest cuddling in front of others

‣ please just hug her, snuggle up to her and wrap your arms around her, make her blush

‣ Lay on her thighs, they are nice squish

‣ She smells like tea and rain and ohmygod don't tell her she will blush so h a r d

◙ Zetsu

‣ Cuddling might be a little difficult at first with Zetsu, he has a venus flytrap and two different personalities??

‣ Black Zetsu completely dismisses the idea at first, he is too good for gross human affection

‣ But White Zetsu really wants to try it and you're pouting and god dammit it's like the world wants to watch him burn

‣ "Ugh, come here, brat. Before I change my mind." "Yay!"

‣ He will never admit it but he finds he likes how warm and nice you feel in his arms

‣ White Zetsu blushes a lot and Black Zetsu insults him even though he's blushing too and you just can't see it

[ofrolysdogs]

[ samehada is taller than kisame omg . ]

Hi: Give Fuguki back is blade you shark bitch 😐

[ he said 🧍🏾‍♀️ ]

[not-a-font]

Rating the Akatsuki on how easily I can imagine them with a bowl cut.

Tobi -3/10: his spiky hair sticking up over his spiral mask makes him look like a hedgehog and helps sell the idiot chaotic gremlin persona. He just would not be the same with a bull cut and you wouldn't see it anyway since his mask has a huge strap that covers the lower parts of his hair.

Obito 10/10: Obito, on the other hand, I can very easily see with a bowl cut. I can easily picture him absolutely rocking a bowl cut while monologuing about how life is a lie.

Deidara 2/10: his hair has the right texture for it, but my mind keeps pasting on the bang and pony tail. It's very weird image and I can't consolidate with anything.

Sasori 9/10: He already has the shape and length, just comb it down a bit and ta-da.

Orochimaru 7/10: on the one hand Orochimaru's long luscious straight hair is a big part of his character design but on the other hand I can imagine Orochimaru doing literally anything because he is freaky enough to try it. Take that all you will.

Itachi 0/10: He has not the personality or the audacity for it. Every time I think about it his bangs appear out of nowhere. Not in my wildest dreams could I fuck with Itachi's hair.

Kisame 11/10: help I can picture it so clearly and it looks so wrong.

Kakuzu 8/10: I can actually picture it very easily but on in the gray color of his turban and not in his actual hair color.

Hidan -10/10: I refuse to get rid of Hidan's hair line. Let him slick it back like a 60s movie star.

Konan 100/10: very easy to see and WHY DOES IT LOOK SO GOOD

Pein -1/10: like with Tobi, the spiky hair complements his character design very well. I can imagine those punk piercings with a bowl cut. I'd score it a little higher if it was just Yahiko but pein with a bowl cut is painful

Nagato 100/10: YOU ON THE OTHER HAND COMPLETELY ROCK IT. OWN IT QUEEN WITH YOUR BLUE GIRLFRIEND.

Zetsu -100/10: ew no. Your hair is fake enough already. And quit paying for your mom's healthcare.

[ladykissingfish]

Deidara: Oi, what’s wrong with Kakuzu? He’s even grumpier than usual, hm!

Kisame: He IS acting rather odd. Earlier I asked him for an advance on my pay. Usually he just says No but today he actually told me to go — you know — myself.

*Hidan walks into room*

Deidara: Hey, Hidan, any idea why Kakuzu’s acting so mean today?

Kisame: Did you two perhaps have another fight?

Hidan: No, we didn’t. Old bastard is still mad at me, though.

Deidara: Why?

Hidan: Well last night he was fuckin’ me —

Deidara: Ew.

Hidan: — and I … I accidentally … I mean I meant to call the fucker “daddy” but it … I accidentally said “grandpa.”

Kisame:

Deidara:

Hidan: Don’t give me that look! The guy is in his 90’s; it’s an easy mistake to make!!

[hanatu]

The Akatsuki Rules Pinned to the Fridge, By Pein.

hey guys I wanted to do something just a bit more fun! i hope you like!! ♥️

Rule No.1 | Konan isn’t your living paper stand, Kakuzu. And no, she will not use her chakra to infuse billing print.

Rule No.2 | Sasori, No Human.. or shark, puppetry of any of the members.

Rule No.3| No Deidara, the toilet paper can’t be used for art.

Rule No.4 | Dont concern yourself with Itachi during bedtime, he has enough on his mind, AND NO, Deidara—you can’t draw on his stress lines.

⚠️RULE NO.5!!!⚠️ NO EXPLOSIVES IN THE LIVING SPACE. @DEIDARA @ DEIDARA @ DEIDARA@DEIDARA @ DEIDARA!!

Rule No. 6 | Please stop staring at everybody like that, Kisame.

Rule No. 7 | Zetsu, NO YOU CANT EAT THE MAIL MAN.

Rule No. 8 | Actually, NONE OF YOU can hurt the mailman.

Rule No. 9 | BE PRESENT AT DINNER!! NO EXCEPTIONS!!

Rule No. 10 | Excluding you, Zetsu. Concern yourself with the basement— we all know how excited you get with.. food..

Rule No. 11 | No, Konan & Itachi will NOT be left with the dishes 70% of the time.

Rule No. 12 | Deidara is Offically on Dish duty.

Rule No. 13 | Dont “Awww” me.

Rule No. 14 | Pray to me 3 times a da- I mean, be grateful for this group.

Rule No. 15 | I’m a busy man, so me & Konan will always be taking trips to our homeland Amegakure. NO FOLLOWING.

Rule No. 16 | Itachi, at least act happy.

Rule No. 17 | No more forcefully touching Tobi’s mask after numerous complaints.

Rule No. 18 | God me, Please don’t bring any more stray cats home.

Rule No. 19 | Sasori, please get out of your room.

Rule No. 20 | Sasori, INTERACT.

Rule No. 21 | Sasoris officially admitted to childcare volunteering.

Rule No. 23 | No Deidara, you cant join.

Rule No. 24 | Deidara, please clean the clay behind your window curtain. We are all aware of your hidden explosives behind your bed-head.

Rule No. 25 | STOP STEALING MY SKIN CARE. - Konan.

Rule No. 26 | Count me in this too. Please stop stealing my hair sleep bonnets & bands. - Itachi

Rule No. 27 | They’re talking to you, Deidara.

Rule No. 28 | Kisame, please share your body wash & scrub details with us.

Rule No. 29 | Also your lotion.

Rule No. 30 | HIDAN. I SEE THE LACY UNDERWEAR IN YOUR BEDROOM. YOU HAVE 5 SECONDS TO CLEAN THAT.

Rule No. 31 | Five.

Rule No.32 | Four.

Rule No. 33 | Three.

Rule No. 34 | Two.

Rule No. 35 | GET GOING NOW.

Rule No. 36 | Good.

Rule No. 37 | Konan, please put a lock in your amenities cabinet.

Rule No. 38 | Kakuzu for the love of me, (God) Haha— CLEAN YOUR COUPONS OUT.

Rule No. 39 | Hidan, there’s a reason why Konan’s room has a deliberately separate hall from yours. Stop stealing her underwear for your One- Night stands.

Rule No. 40 | EW, EXCUSE ME? — Konan.

[ofrolysdogs]

[ Kisame: Is as strong as a tailed beast, killed a daimayō, and is just an overall brutal person. ]

[ Also Kisame: You... tripped me? 😟 what did i even do ☹️ ]

// So I was taking a break and I wanted to reread the Rock Lee Springtime of Youth manga Chapter 16 The Akatsuki Organization even if I already watched the animated version. While I was reading the part where the group start attacking each other. Around page 26-27 after Sasori accidentally trips Konan, Kakuzu, and Kisame with his chakra strings, I noticed this hidden little gem of Kisame’s behavior that says something about his character. 

While Konan and Kakuzu reacted angrily at Sasori for tripping them, Kisame on the other hand… 

Just look at his face. He does not look angry or annoyed with Sasori at all. He seems so confused and saddened that a fellow comrade of his would trip and hurt him like that out of the blue when he had done nothing wrong to them. And I could see that he would react like this to mean pranks as well. 

Though of course in the same chapter, he’s ready to kick everyone’s ass so yes, he’s nice and polite AND he’ll tear you apart if you decide to be rude or mean to him. And that mini observation is why I love Kisame so much! 

Sorry if any of you have seen this detail but I felt like sharing this.