#evil 4x14

[evil-ot3]

david wrapping his arms around BOTH kristen and ben as they cuddle by the fire pit saying how much they mean to him and how he will miss them

(the whole burning files scene in general)

post episode recap with them saying kristen and david are most likely together [in some way]

kristen literally saying “I love you” to ben over facetime in the final scene… him struggling to- but ultimately- say it back

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s4 episode 14 thoughts

(after having seen this episode, i can confidently announce that it is making the top 15!!! god it was just!! so incredible!!! the undying devotion to each other!! i want to frame the way he cups her cheeks!!! i'm crying! you're crying! everyone cried!!!!!!!!)

ah, this episode. i have seen this one mentioned before. i’m interested to see if it was for good reasons or for bad reasons. i can tell that it will be angsty and hurt my feelings, but whether that is written in a way i approve of or not is hard to predict after my intense fight with last episode! and how mean mulder was!

so. reading this description. he’s going to look for answers for her. oh my god. AGAIN. not a mere coworker thing. but i digress. i have a feeling i’ll need to forget that part about their whole power dynamic from the last episode in order to move forward. 

also a little confused as to what the title is going to mean... i know it refers to a reminder of mortality, but in my art history course we looked at a bunch of memento mori art where skeletons just. burst into rooms. and interrupted dances. and i don't really want to see that today.

entering my forgetting mode…. okay. okay. i think i’m here. memory is blank. i am neutral. let us begin.

OH MY GOD SCULLY OPENING MONOLOGUE. okay hold it together. HOLD IT TOGETHER.

wait she’s writing something. who is she writing to? damn, she is very poetic when she puts her mind to it.

“hope you will forgive me for not making the rest of the journey with you” wait. wait hold on. wait hold on….. wait. (insert that sobbing cat image here)

she thinks she is going to DIE?????????

is she writing a letter to go with her will or something?!?!?? wah…. WAHHHHH 

she holds an x ray of her brain (i think that’s what it is, sorry to the stem girlies if it’s some sort of other genre of scan) that clearly shows a tumor………..

:( :( :(

mulder has flowers!!! he is asking where to go in the hospital instead of just looking for the sign directly in front of him. this shows that he is very worried.

he sees her through a window and stares a bit…… before he comes in the room

“i, uh, i stole these from some guy with a broken leg down the hall. he won’t be able to catch me” <- you absolute liar saying ANYTHING to make her smile. oh my god and it WORKED and she’s smiling and he’s smiling and i’m gonna cry already 

look at how he’s looking at her…….. i cannot reconcile this with the last episode at all. i’m sorry, i cannot. and for this reason i once again toss it out of my mind.

HE’S THE ONLY ONE SHE’S CALLED!!?!!?!?? their relationship. it's just. so.

oh my god, she says she has cancer, and he immediately assumes it has to be treatable. she has to tell him it doesn’t seem to be. his unwavering faith...

“i refuse to believe that” <- oh my GOD. oh my GOD. his face his eyes oh my god. he cannot lose her.

“for all the times that i have said that to you, i am as certain about this as you have ever been” SCULLY NOOoOoOOoo

(it must be so horrific to be a doctor and know exactly how you’re dying and that there is nothing you can do…)

he looks so utterly lost and she is trying to hold it together to tell him that if it progresses, she will have no chance of survival. 

“i don’t accept that”, he says, stuttering in disbelief; “there must be some people who’ve received treatment for this. we can….” he fails to finish that thought

(his unwavering belief for even a second that they could find a way needs to be studied in a lab. this man is so intrinsically loyal to the 3 people he holds close it actually makes my heart hurt. i feel aching in my chest)

oh my god he is the DEFINITION of “everything i let go of is covered in claw marks”. he cannot BEAR to lose anything else. he is grasping so firmly to the idea that there HAS to be a way. and she is trying to be resigned to her fate. how strong she is, i think, as she puts on her bravest face, telling him she is going to die.

oh my god, she has to tell SKINNER???? what the fuck. i never even CONSIDERED that. he says he is so sorry while mulder is twisting around in the background because he cannot stay still in moments of stress; i’m recalling how he bounced his basketball up and down, up and down when she was in her coma

they’re going to try and track down the women from allentown they met last year who they talked to about the abductions and the neck implants before she begins any treatment. skinner is reminding them both that they have access to the best treatments in the country. but scully must know that the best isn't enough.

scully says she wants to pursue this through the justice department whilst mulder nods enthusiastically. skinner seems confused but he acquiesces. what else can you do?

so they go to allentown, where they are informed that betsy (the main woman that scully had spoken with regarding the abduction experience) just passed away. and the realtor doesn’t want to let them in before her garage sale, but mulder POINTEDLY pulls out his badge AGAIN, and you know his ass is going in whether she likes it or not. 

(the angry way he pulled out that badge did something to my heart)

scully is having terrible flashbacks from the last time she was here. poor girl...

the realtor is watching mulder pick up the phone and scully points out someone is sending a fax! realtor is just standing there. with hate in her heart.

they go down to the basement and find…. a computer. that someone is copying all of the files from remotely!! some guy named kurt is allegedly copying all that information down. off to kurt’s place. who are, you kurt? a force for evil, i assume?

he is not answering the door and mulder is going to to check the back instead of just wait there because again, he cannot sit still for a minute. and bam! they find kurt. woah. mulder takes him down QUICK. 

NO NO NO. she’s bleeding from her nose….. she says she’s fine. “quit staring at me, i’m fine” <- oh she is so not fine. those are not the words said by someone who is fine.

(after having seen this episode, i still can't stop thinking about this interaction. how angry she seemed to be seen as someone worth pitying or worrying over. how she must have known that would keep happening in the future, how she wanted to hold onto her agency for however long she had left in this world. there was fury in there to cover up the terrible insecurity that comes from fate being out of your hands and the perceived, if not intended, condescension of needing to be cared for. because she is the one that does the caring, and not the other way around. and how she tried so hard to keep working despite knowing the time was ticking, to tell mulder to stop worrying about her, keep his eyes on the mission and off of her... there's so much to be said)

more blood is dripping into the sink in the bathroom. mulder is knocking on the door, asking if she is okay.

(oh my gooood, i’m not sure which angle of angst is worse here: mulder watching scully suffer, blaming himself for if he cannot find a cure OR scully having to carry on through her sickness and see how terrible it is for people around her to grieve her while she’s still living)

this kurt fellow claims he was in the same UFO network, and was copying the files as betsy had told him to. he ran because he thinks the government is trying to suppress that information. hmm. mulder seems to believe him. but they can’t cross check him….

she asks why not, and mulder won’t answer. 

kurt says that all of the women scully met last year died from brain cancer, except for one who is in the hospital named penny, and it doesn’t look good for her.

kurt is insisting that this is in fact a conspiracy, but mulder says he needs to talk to scully. and he walks her out of his view.

oh my GOD i need to copy this whole exchange down hold on….

“i want you to listen to me” “about what?” “about what you won’t admit to yourself- what you’re denying” “what am i denying?” “where your cancer came from” “mulder, it doesn’t matter” “it does matter. if what you have is a result of your abduction and that abduction is something the government knows about, then those are facts that should be brought to light” “i don’t know what happened to me. i have no clear recollection. and i don’t think these abductions are even abductions”

(and when she said that line, she was so furious, thinking the distinction didn't matter in the face of impossible odds, but he insists that it does, because justice ought to be brought to light- and it's not him circling back to UFOs like he always does out of his own self-interest, it's him trying every so gently to break to her that this could be something much bigger than them, a way that she was wronged that ought to happen to no one else- but she still cannot even begin to process it)

“all these women are dead” “no, they are not. one woman isn’t- this penny northern”

(and the desperation in that line as well; there was anger there, a need to pull on any and all threads, so needed that it blew her cool cover about how detached she seemed to her own mortality- she wants to live)

“mm-hmm. if you won’t listen to me, then i think you should go talk to her”

(the gentleness here, how he is trying to softly nudge her, how carefully he keeps his voice even despite the audience KNOWING that he just wants to shake her, beg her to do anything at all that could help her)

“about what? what it feels like to be dying of cancer? what it’s like to know that there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it?”

(oh my god the FURY in her voice here… how she was trying to fight back her voice cracking)

“if that’s too hard for you, then i think you should go as an investigator. you have one remaining witness, agent scully. i’d think you’d want to know what her story is”

oh my god the subtle “agent” in there… the way he’s trying to remind her that she is capable and can maybe find a way out of this, just maybe. the way he kept his voice so even the entire time like he was putting every effort he had into it.

i think that conversation will haunt me forever. 

(god those two were ACTING. i just KNOW that when they got that script they were excited as fuck)

scully goes to visit penny, who remembers her, saying she held and comforted scully “in the place”

scully carefully tells her that she doesn’t remember this, but penny assures her that’s okay. penny thinks she’s here to ask about dr. scanlon, who is treating the cancer, and treated betsy’s too. my money is bet on the fact that he is actually making them worse….

apparently dr. scanlon thinks he figured it out what causes this kind of cancer. and scully has tears in her eyes. oh my god. is she believing the scanlon propaganda...?

mulder is going through a bunch of files with kurt, then he's on the phone with her. “now call me an early bird, but i think i found something” <- oh my god he’s such a nerd, even when he’s fighting for scully’s life….

he thinks this whole thing is connected to a local fertility clinic, but she doesn't want to hear his theories- she’s asking him to please bring the overnight bag from the car, and call her mom to ask for some things so she can be admitted for treatment.

his breathless “is there anything i should know?” and her answer: “mulder, whatever you found, or whatever you might find, i think that we both know that right now the truth is in me… and that’s where i need to pursue it. as soon possible” 

AND HE SAYS HE WILL BE RIGHT THERE 😭😭

see, this is what i love about them. how they can say so much with so few words, how they would do anything for each other; if one of them needed the moon, the other would start researching how to tear it from the sky. this bond that is so… it’s back to the old question, are soulmates natural or are they formed? with them, they just seem to have that connection. and even when their differences might lead them to fight, it is just a underlying current, that togetherness. and it seems so natural.

(but i just know that the minute he leaves the place, all the files he’s going through are going to somehow get destroyed! i have seen too much of this show to expect otherwise)

mulder slams the file cabinet shut before he leaves and kurt is looking around. what is he planning, this devious kurt fellow?

someone else drives forward as he pulls away. girl is it gonna be CSM?!?!

someone is approaching. okay, it is not CSM. whoever it is has the needle you use to kill the aliens!!! is it the alien bounty hunter? i cannot tell… these white men blend together and also he can shape shift so who tf knows.

but kurt is DOWN and he is BLEEDING THE FIZZY GREEN BLOOD!! kurt was an alien?!?!?! why didn’t he heal those women??! is he involved with making them sick???! i have questions. many many questions.

the fizzy stuff is like dissolving him. not sure we have time to unpack that.

scully is laying in the hospital bed…. dr. scanlon is watching. okay, creepy, but maybe doctors have to do that sometimes. 

she says she doesn’t feel sick, and i typed sock at first, which would be far more lighthearted, wouldn’t it, if she didn’t feel like a sock? 

i don’t trust this guy. 

he straight up says that the radiation and chemo is going to make her feel like she is dying. and at that moment, mrs. scully walks in. she is… very unsettled. and the doctor says they want to start treatment this afternoon. 

despite telling mulder she knows she is going to die, she is trying to reassure her mother that everything is fine. that’s very interesting to me. that she feels she can be honest with him about the lack of hope, but needs to lie to her mother.

mrs. mulder is furious that scully didn’t tell her right away, but she says she wanted to get the answers first. she’s shaking as she says she doesn’t want to be kept in the dark. damn. she really has suffered so much.

oh my GOD... she kisses her cheek and hugs her, saying that she has always been the strong one… but she is her only daughter now. and they hold each other. pain. pain. and suffering.

they’re putting her in some stuff for radiation as scully narrates the evil of cancer, how it becomes one with the person it targets. she says it’s science's answer to an exorcism.

WAIT SHE’S ADDRESSING MULDER?? she must be continuing her letter from earlier……

“and if the darkness should have swallowed me as you read this, you must never think there was the possibility of some secret intervention, something you might have done” STOP. the way she KNOWS he will always, always blame himself, and is trying to say something to stop him from doing so just this once.

he’s breaking into a place because he wants to find anything at all… hmm where is he doing some good old b&e today?

“and though we’ve traveled far together, this last distance must necessarily be traveled alone” no…. no :( no :( 

she knows that he will never stop searching for an answer… to the point where he won’t be able to lead his own life… and so she thinks she should go ahead alone… oh my god. oh my god. is she referring to the treatment process? or the inevitability of death?

he’s breaking into the fertility clinic that he mentioned before. gonna do some typing in the dark. but someone is here with him!!! who???

a guy in a sweater. “i’ve got a gun pointed at your head, turn around very slowly” mulder announces with PERFECT calm.

god i love him. have i mentioned that i love him? how he is willing to die and kill for the ones he loves? and how he is NOT just some bully or mean boss? yes. i’m bitter. 

IT’S KURT!! but we know it is NOT REALLY KURT. because we saw that kurt is dead. so it must be the alien bounty hunter in a new skin? WHAT DOES "KURT" WANT? 

“he” (whoever it is in the flesh suit that was once kurt’s) claims he is also trying to hack into the clinic's system, but can’t get the password right. i guess that he is going to hack and delete everything???

mulder picks up a snowglobe and guesses the password!!!!! yeahhh snowglobes.

woah. cutscene to something being drilled into scully’s head…. must be a flashback from the abduction.

penny is by scully’s side, telling her she’ll be okay as she wakes up from the nightmare. they grasp hands, scully says she feels sick, and that she had a dream where “someone was doing something bad to me”. apparently penny was allowed to tend to her during the procedures. but scully says she can’t hear this right now. 

penny says if she can make sense of it, it’ll help her through the pain, to understand why it is happening to her.

okay, cutscene to skinner’s office. where mulder is sitting before he even gets in there. “i need you to set up a meeting for me”. skinner says “hold all my calls” in that gruff voice of his. i like his serious voice. and i am tense, expecting a fight to go down, or tears to be shed, or something.

oh tea…. mulder found a file from the fertility clinic with scully’s name on it… but he says he’s sure, “pretty damn sure” that she’s never undergone treatment for infertility. this could be very awkward if he is wrong. he seems confident, though.... have they had further discussion about families like they did in home? but even if she WAS undergoing treatment, why would she do it in a random town in pennsylvania? so i guess that his confusion makes sense. 

so he wants a meeting with…. CIGARETTE MAN. “you’ve come to me like this before”, skinner points out, but mulder says he’s willing to DEAL NOW. he knows he’s behind all this. “you offer this man anything, and he will own you forever”, warns skinner. a real deal with the devil…

hold on. i just remembered that in canon CSM killed JFK and MLK jr and writes bad fiction. a wild fellow. and i’m also remembering how mulder broke into his house and asked “why her” with his gun pointing right to his head. i am remembering a lot of things.

mulder is yelling that CSM must have known what they did to agent scully. “but you can’t ask the truth of a man who trades in lies- i won’t let you” says skinner. oh damn…. oh damn. skinner just wants him to be safe but this isn’t going to go over well

they are staring at each other. and he insists that mulder find another way. damn, those two have been through a lot. all those times mulder should have been fired… skinner showing up covered in blood to track him down to some arctic alien base… that time mulder was experiencing psychosis and punched skinner in the face… skinner’s murder accusations… these two have such a fascinating dynamic. i love it. i really need to dive into that someday. i need fic of whatever the fuck it is that is going on between them.

so, what other way can mulder find? the lone gunmen, of course!!

they hack into her file from the clinic and see a gene code… it’s a DNA mutation.

“you guys ever been to the lombard research facility?” (everyone turns to frohike, who shakes his head) “well, pick out something black and sexy and prepare to do some funky poaching” <- LMAO i was surprised to get a genuine giggle during such a dark episode

(neeeeed to know how these dweebs met. all four of them. i know there’s a spin-off series so maybe someday i’ll learn the answers, but until then i’m concocting theories)

skinner is entering mulder’s office. but who is there…. NONE OTHER THAN CSM. “it’s funny,” he says, “i always thought of you as fox mulder’s patron” hey what does that mean. hey what does that mean. is skinner hiding something….?

ohhhh, skinner just accused him of being the devil. 

skinner says he needs a miracle… “what’ll it take?” he asks. OHHHH my god…. skinner loves those two so bad………. a deal with the devil for them….

CSM says that “he’ll have to get back to him on that” when it comes to what it will take for scully’s life…………. skinner what can you offer??????

lone gunmen are breaking into a storm drain. do you think the redhead and the long haired one with glasses are lovers? i think it might be more fun to imagine that they are. i never learned their names. perhaps i am a bad fan. 

mulder and the redhead set out!!! time to break into the facility!!!

okay i think the redhead is named byers? or else frohike’s making a reference i don’t understand. 50/50 odds on that.

they’re going in!!! they’re running!!! mulder has his leather jacket!!! byers (?) sees a keypad to enter a code.

(yes yes, his name is truly byers. we all learned something today. or at least i did)

OHHH, okay, the glasses one is langly. that name is familiar, actually. i appreciate how they are purposefully announcing the names for people like me. langly declares that this a toughie, and will take a moment to hack into. 

OMG!! the doctor treating scully’s cancer works at this research facility they're breaking into!!! I KNEW WE COULDN’T TRUST THAT MFER. i am innately suspicious of doctors. and langly gets them into the building. 

mulder tasks byers to GO TELL SCULLY TO STOP TREATMENT NOW because this scanlon fellow is a LIAR!!!!

(imagine how that went down...)

scully is writing to him again….. penny has taken downturn. “mulder, i feel you close, though i know you are now pursuing your own path” <-GIRL HE’S BREAKING AND ENTERING FOR YOU!!! THE PATHS YOU WALK ARE NOT SO FAR APART!!

“i need to know you’re out there if i am ever to see through this” oh my god….. he gives her hope to keep going…. something to fight for…

mulder is getting lost on the video feed while byers tries to make an escape…. but the cops are approaching!!!!!

he finds a door and slams on it… and who is inside but MULTIPLE KURT DUPES!!! the damn aliens!!!!!!

they welcome mulder in by name. he puts together that they are hybirds, and they beckon him in so they can explain in further detail.

there’s a creature in a tank i don’t much care for. okay. actually many many creatures in tanks. 

the kurts are saying they are trying to subvert the project that created “us”. OH! mulder sees into the tank and it’s the same shape of the boy he saw up in canada with his fake sister!!! so they are the end results… and they want the same thing he does??? i guess. 

he takes them to a room filled with “human ova”. including one from betsy. oh no… oh god… yes, they took it during her abduction, and from all the women they abducted, including scully. i don’t want to think about what “super ovulation” means. but mulder is shocked. imagine him having to explain to scully that he held her ova in his hands. and the procedure that leaves them barren (!!!) also gives them the cancer.

(frantically opens the wikipedia article for human ovaries before realizing i can figure out the details later)

this clearly has implications for their family planning chats. god, is he gonna be the one to tell her that she can't have children....?

but the kurts are trying to save them!!! because these women are their mothers!!!!

so, do we believe the kurts?? i'm not sure. if we know there are a bunch, does that mean the hacker kurt from earlier could actually be a good guy? or was he really the bounty hunter working on further nefarious actions?

bro straight up pocketed her ova. he’s a real one for that. do they have to be cold or something?? luckily, i have never had to ask these questions.

byers is currently dodging the cops, and the guy that killed OG kurt is now looking for some violence. 

NO…. mystery man is shooting at mulder!!!! the glass is bulletproof but it stopped being so after like 3 clips.

luckily the boys provide him an escape JUST IN TIME. shoutout to the lone gunmen fr.

he runs back to allentown and doesn’t find scully in her bed!!! but he finds her journal with the letters she had been writing to mulder. oh, he reads them....

where is scully?????? she’s with penny. penny is dying. she tells her that dr. scanlon isn’t coming back. and penny says that she’s been such a comfort, and to not give up hope. scully begins to cry.

mulder is sitting in a hospital chair at 5 am, falling asleep outside the room. finally, scully leaves penny’s room, crying. 

he confesses to reading some of what she wrote…. but she says he didn’t want her to read that. and that she has decided she’s not going to let this thing beat her. she looks so tired…. so sick…. 

was scalon killing these women in the name of the secret alien project? “that will be proven if we find him” “when we find him” OUGHHH 

she says she has things to finish, to prove to herself and her family. and he’s smiling at her. a real smile. telling her to come on back. 

ohhhh and they’re hugging. he’s tucking her head under his chin and rubbing her shoulder.

“the truth will save you, scully. i think it’ll save both of us” <-OHHHHHHHH MY GOD I AM GOING TO RIP AND TEAR AND YELL AND SCREAM AND HOLLER!!!

WAIT OH MY GOD I WAS SCREAMING BEFORE BUT THEN HE SO GENTLY TURNS HER AND KISSES HER FOREHEAD……. shut up. it’s so tender it’s so terribly tender. 

(a day later and i am still fixated on this. how terribly terribly gentle he is with her. it reminds me of how he held her face during beyond the sea, which, prior to this, was one of my favorite moments ever, and now i have TWO of them. he loves her so deeply in every sense of the word. and she loves him, deciding to keep fighting, to draw strength from him but also to honor herself, to achieve the things she has always meant to do, because she knows that she is worth fighting for)

finally they let go, and as she walks down the hall, he pulls out her ova from his pocket…. i’m so torn because my heart is still absolutely torn in half from how gentle that moment just was, but i’m also sitting here thinking… dude, do we need to get that into a freezer or something??

skinner answers the phone- at 5:30 AM! mulder says he was going to leave a voicemail and is shocked to hear him. mulder thanks him for his advice, and says it was wise to steer clear of CSM. they have to find out what he knows, but they need another way. skinner says there’s always another way, but as the camera moves, we see the room filled with smoke and a hand holding a cigarette…

he says “yes i believe there is, if you’re willing to pay the price” SKINNER BE CAREFUL I’M SCARED

do you think the writers purposefully associated cigarettes with the sleaziest and most awful character in order to get the children to stop smoking….?

end episode.

okay. i have so many thoughts. let’s start: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHWAAAAAAAHHHHGGGGGGGGGGWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH

okay. that could have gone on for longer, but i’m going to compose myself. 

scully… my poor sweet scully, writing about her own death to mulder……… how helpless and resigned and furious she felt, yet still tried to be strong for her mother and for him…. how she decided to come back to work despite what she is going through…. the grief of mourning yourself and those around you mourning you… she looked so sick and exhausted, her terrible nightmares, being unable to accept what happened to her, holding penny close only to lose her too…. the incredible strength it takes her to decide to get back to work and keep fighting when everything hurts and the odds are so slim… god scully you really have suffered so terribly…. turning back from narrating her life in the past tense to the present tense…. it was very very very powerful

and mulder never for a single second ever stopping. how he completely refused to believe that anything was impossible. his smile when he brought the flowers to her in the hospital, the way his face fell when he realized what was going on, but refused to believe that anything could take her from him. the way he kept his voice even in the conversation in the hall. how he brought her the things from the car, how he barreled into her room when she wasn’t there, reading her journal in terror, how he smiled and held her, ran his fingers through her hair, gently kissed her forehead. how he took her ova, which sounds so crazy out of context, but in context it’s soul-crushing. he grabbed it for her. kept them in his pocket as she decided to keep fighting. a conversation for another day.

and skinner making deals with the devil, but only by himself, never even thinking to let mulder do it….

so where do we go from here?

if the treatment from dr. scanlon was making the patients worse, that immediate obstacle has now been removed. but that doesn’t fix the cancer itself. is skinner going to have to bargain with CSM? whatever CSM wants, it clearly isn’t money- so what could skinner even give him? my guess would be deactivating the x files in exchange for what will save scully, or maybe firing mulder entirely to keep him off of the trail of his nefarious alien deeds. or perhaps something even more evil, like access to one of those mars rocks with the oil aliens in them, or maybe someone important assassinated, maybe a coup in the syndicate (is that what their little UN alien groupchat is called? i saw it when i looked something up once).

man, skinner’s role in this was brief but substantial. what is he going to do? what sort of deal is he willing to make? i really really need to get into exploring the dynamic between the three of them more. it’s fascinating. how he won’t let mulder make the deal, but he’ll do it himself… he must really care for them a lot more than he lets on. 

oh my god. scully is gonna keep fighting…. <3

i really, really loved this episode. in fact, i’m positive that it will dethrone the blessing way and take that episode’s place in the top 15. this is an IMMENSE compliment. i still laughed a little despite the soul crushing sorrow, which i think is a sign of masterful writing.

i think this episode really really understood mulder and scully as characters. mulder with his need to chase to the ends of the earth to find the Truth, his need to put a smile on her face, his tenderness when it comes down to it, and scully with her bravery, attempting to keep herself strong for others while grappling with the metaphysical implications of dying, rejecting that conclusion after her own soul searching, and despite being busy with wrapping her head around this devastating news, she was still taking the time to bring comfort to penny. the complimentary needs to Protect and to Heal between them. it’s always going to get me.

you know that post i made about either jumping up and down or throwing my laptop in a river over their dynamic? THIS is jump up and down territory, baby.

i have a feeling that what comes next will not be easy, but i hope it brings great truth, and a delicate balance of love and angst. 

i’m curious to know what people think of how scully’s diagnosis is depicted. i’m sure we’re going to get more into it so i don’t want to jump the gun yet, but i’d be interested to know if her depiction gave a sense of visibility to people dealing with cancer, or if they think the episode/arc as a whole missed the mark. is it empowering to see someone make the conscious effort to keep fighting? is it offensive to think of cancer as something given to you by secret government plot? or was it such a relief to see someone going through the same thing as you no matter if it’s origins were more exotic than in life? where will they go from here in terms of how she handles it? 

i’d be really interested to read how people with cancer view her story. i’m sure someone out there has written on it; i’ll have to take a look someday when i’m not dodging spoilers.

the other thing i'm wondering about is the reaction to the alien breeding program reveal. it definitely speaks to the concerns over bodily autonomy and reproductive injustice that are increasingly relevant issues. i don't think it is supposed to make me feel comfortable, but it definitely succeeded at making me feel uncomfortable, if you catch my drift. something about those women being violated and losing all agency over themselves as a plot point rubs me the wrong way. and i think it is supposed to, but i'm not sure to what extent. idk, you just wouldn't see that happening to mulder's character, you know? it wouldn't be his bodily autonomy violated. it's as if we're so used to it happening to women in real life that it can easily become a plot point in science fiction, as if that just comes with the gendered baggage of being alive when you have ovaries-sometimes the aliens will harvest them. how does that speak on the way these writers see women as a whole? i'm unsure. but we have time to think it over.

my heart is a bit battered and bruised to see scully suffering so, but it is healing in knowing that they will have each other, and a renewed commitment to keep chasing the truth. and i am gonna go like idk claw at a pillow now to cope.

and then they all lived happily ever after. amen.

[userautumn]

this fandom is annoying me so i'm going to say this once and then fuck off back to my shows.

on the topic of eddie's parents: helena has always treated eddie like he is an unfit parent. both of his parents have, but helena especially has led that charge. yes, his parents love him. i do not doubt that. but i said some weeks ago that i think helena/ramon would have been much happier raising eddie and chris as siblings rather than letting eddie be a father, and i stand by that. throughout the narrative, they have indicated time and time again that they think his choices are wrong—from their unwillingness to accept shannon fully, to coming outright and saying they think eddie is on a downward spiral and that he's going to crash and burn and take christopher with him. this is not an "Evil Parents" buddie conspiracy theory, this is a canon fact.

at every opportunity, helena especially has been trying to pry christopher away from his father. this is also a canon fact. in 2x18, after shannon's funeral, she tried to get eddie to bring chris (and himself, but eddie was most definitely the afterthought in that conversation) back to texas. in 4x14, eddie says to buck that his parents will fight for custody. and while eddie's relationship with his father has changed since the early seasons, this is still very much so a recurring theme in their dynamic.

so it stands to reason that helena would feel gleeful, or satisfied, or maybe even triumphant over the fact that she's finally gotten what she wanted. again, this isn't a headcanon, this is just common sense. she's been wanting chris back in texas for years, and now she's finally gotten her wish. i mentioned earlier that eddie himself is an afterthought in the conversation of the diaz boys' return to texas, and this remains true. helena favors christopher over her own son. this is also a canon fact. in 8x1, she sees her son sitting on camera at the saddest looking birthday party anyone's ever seen, and her response is "oh well! better luck next time! bye!" she doesn't offer to call him back later. she doesn't even look sad that he's sad. she simply continues about her day like her child is not suffering.

now, i still firmly believe that helena diaz loves her son. but if she has empathy for her him and the struggles he's facing—and has faced—she has yet to express it. this is also, unfortunately, canon.

having said that.

christopher is a teenager. he is not a little boy anymore. it was cute when he took an uber to buck's house because his dad made him mad, but this is quite a different situation. we've talked ad nauseam about the kim/shannon of it all because the trauma and betrayal of that is significant. but there are layers here. because it's not just that christopher thought his mom was back from the dead, it's also that eddie did what he (in christopher's mind) does best—he messed up a good thing right as christopher was getting to enjoy it.

9-1-1 is designed so that we, the viewers, are able to empathize with eddie's struggles. we're adults so, on average, we know why he makes the choices he makes and we can, on some levels, relate to them. even if we don't agree, we can understand the logic behind these choices. but christopher does not have the luxury of adulthood. and, if you put yourself in his shoes, his entire life since coming to los angeles has been extraordinarily unstable. some of these things were obviously outside of eddie's control, such as the tsunami and his dad getting shot. but they still happened.

so now, he is this fourteen year old kid who has lived through trauma after trauma, all the while witnessing his dad try to put himself back together after a lifetime of pain. and one of those ways eddie tries to put himself back together is by dating again. first, he dates ana and, objectively, ana was the perfect choice. she was smart. she was beautiful. she was good with kids. she was latina, which his parents/dad would have approved of, and christopher liked her very much. but then, just as it's getting good and looking real, eddie breaks up with her. again, we, the viewers, know why he did what he did. he was having panic attacks at the mere thought of being with her. but if you're christopher it looks like dad is pulling the plug on a good thing for no reason.

same as when eddie leaves the 118. we, adults, know eddie is struggling. hell, even christopher knows eddie is struggling. but we can understand the depths of the layers here. christopher didn't/doesn't. all he knew/knows is that, not only did his dad leave behind his job/his family/his stability, he did all that and cited him as the reason for that decision. which is why christopher said, "i never asked you to [leave the 118]." so now we fast forward to the present and we have eddie and this thing with marisol. they go on family outings, she moves in, and all these things start to feel like permanence. they start to feel like eddie has finally maybe gotten himself on solid ground and can start to enjoy his life again, or maybe for the first time.

and then he goes and cheats on marisol. with christopher's dead mom.

so we can see the multiple layers of this situation.

eddie loves his son, christopher loves his dad, and eddie diaz is a good parent. i will stand by that to the day i die, and all of these things are overwhelmingly evident. but that doesn't change the fact that the most stable home christopher has ever known is the home he lived in with his grandparents. which is sad. it's really sad to say, because we know eddie has tried so hard for that boy in so many ways. as a single parent, raising his kid to the best of his ability was so much more a full-time job than he was prepared for. but he did it. he strapped in and did the work of two people and, in doing so, it became imperative that, above all else, he gave his son a safe place to land and didn't give him reasons not to trust him because, at the end of the day, eddie is the only parent christopher has.

but eddie's broken that trust. and now, he has to live with the consequences. but let's be clear, the consequences in question are christopher's absence. helena's satisfaction over having chris in texas is an enormous insult to painful injury that must be addressed by the narrative if they ever want me to like her or believe she has eddie's best interests at heart. but this situation, in typical 9-1-1 fashion, is one in which multiple things can be, and are, true at the same time.

but relative to the matter of christopher and what he's "allowed" to do? eddie's lucky his son is even taking his calls, and he knows that. so he's going to continue to do the work to earn that trust back because he's never done anything but put in 1000% for his son. and that is also a canon fact.

[dianessunflower]

Dr Kristen Bouchard and Fenna in the Evil finale (4x14 Fear of the End)

[mvltisstuff]

Eddie Diaz coma fic if possible? The reader gets shot like eddie in 4x14 and ends up in a coma. Lots of angst, heartbreak if possibly but also fluff too please. 🩶

hold on to me - e.d

summary: request :)

eddie diaz x reader

gif from @agentoutofdiaz

a/n: guys i def just ate my history final up and left no crumbs, enjoy this request ��🤌

the gunshot passed right through y/n’s stomach. the massive bang had ricocheted throughout the street and off the buildings, every crouching down as an instinct to the echoing noise. she immediately felt the impact it had right in the center of her abdomen. she brought her hand slowly down, pulling it away to see the overwhelming amount of blood on her fingers. she brought her head back up weakly, before falling onto the concrete.

eddie was held back by buck, who yanked him under a wall. he watched as his girlfriend was thrown to the stained ground, the blood pouring out of her. this couldn’t be a mistake, it was a perfect shot. she was saving someone’s life, and an evil person wanted to take hers. eddie thought he was dreaming. he thought he would be shaken awake by y/n and she would be next to him without a bullet inside of her.

eddie was screaming her name over and over again, and she heard every single time. she wanted to respond, but the blood gurgling in her mouth made it near impossible. she turned her head on the ground to look at her boyfriend. he was laying on the ground, looking directly at her.

he couldn’t contain himself anymore, he had to get out there and save her. “y/n!” he yelled. “hey, y/n?” he pulled her head up as her breathing slowed down. “come here, come help me!” he shouted at his coworkers, who came piling over and putting her into the truck. eddie sat by her head, cradling it gently. a part of him wanted her to pass out, to not have to feel this pain anymore. when she finally lost consciousness from the strain, he panicked as he still wanted to see her eyes, completely contradicting his earlier thought. buck had been applying pressure to the wound, switching out the cloths multiple times as they were drenched with y/n’s blood.

he carried her out of the truck, yelling at the doctors to help her. they took her and placed her on a gurney, turning her on her side. “y/n y/l/n, female, GSW to the abdomen, severe bleeding, may have hit a major organ but pulse is steady. wasn’t through and through, bullets still in here,” he spat out rapidly at the mob of nurses and doctors. as she was wheeled away, the tears in eddie’s eyes were reappearing, dripping down his face. buck had pulled him into an embrace, trying to erase the violent sight in front of him. the constant reminder was the her very own blood on their uniforms.

y/n woke up in her old apartment in her home city, still recalling the smell and feeling of her old rooms. she stretched out of bed, looking around. the confusion in her head was very abnormal. she moved to LA years ago, and her lease was up. she knew this place like the back of her hand, one of her first places that she was able to escape from home. her home life wasn’t bad, but certainly not memorable.

she heard a knock on her door, stepping out of the room to pull it open. in front of her stood her siblings behind her parents. “hi, sweetie!” her mother exclaims. y/n doesn’t recognize the change in attitude.

“hey, mom, what are you all doing here?”

“we had lunch plans, remember? it’s ok if you forgot, you’re under a lot of pressure.”

“w-we did? i mean since i’m visiting from LA?”

“visiting? from california! how hard did you hit your head?” her mom laughs, walking into the apartment, her brother and sister following in with her father.

she sat down on the couch slowly, feeling awkward at how kind her parents were being. she picked up the glass of water on the table next to her. “did something happen?”

“no, just coming to see you and brian, where is he?”

“brian?”

“your…fiancé?” y/n chokes on her water, wiping it off her face.

“my what?” she asks.

“honey, now you’re really scaring me.”

“i’m not engaged, who the hell is brian? where’s eddie?”

“y/n, eddie left, remember?” y/n remains silent. she knows eddie would never leave her. he’s been left before, and he could never put that weight on someone’s shoulders.

back in the hospital, eddie sits with a recovering y/n. her waist was wrapped with a bandage, several IV’s in her arms pumping the drugs into her system. the tube in her throat was forcing the air into her lungs, being unable to do it alone.

a coma. the state of deep unconsciousness. the state that lasts for an unknown amount of time. eddie has heard the words thousands of times being a paramedic. but it doesn’t feel the same when someone you love has been purposely separated from her body.

he wondered what she was thinking, or even if she knew he was there. “i, um,” he starts, stuttering. “i don’t know if you’re there, completely, but you are coming back. i know you are, because you have to. there are too many people relying on you, y/n. i need you to survive or i don’t know if i’ll be able to. so i’m begging you, for the sake of how much i love you, please wake up,” he looks back at her sleeping figure, figuring it’s no use. he just sits in the chair, staring at her condition and the monitors.

“no, eddie wouldn’t leave me, i live in los angeles and i am a firefighter,” y/n speaks harshly to her parents.

“c’mon, y/n. what kind of crazy dream did you have?” her brother says, shoving his face full of food. “i think you need to go back to bed.”

“shut up,” she tells him. “i am not where im supposed to be.” she didn’t say the one detail that gave it away. the one that she’s well aware of. her parents have never been that nice to her, at least not as much as they are in this reality. she kind of loves it, but certainly not as much as eddie. “i am a firefighter,” the memories of the previous day came back to her, the images flashing in her eyes before they faded away again. “i… i was hurt.”

suddenly, y/n has convinced her parents to take her to the psych ward. almost, but they bring her to the ER instead. she must’ve hit her head or something, but y/n knows she is not supposed to be here.

she sits on the bed, her mother in the chair next to her. she looks around, trying to figure out a way to escape. “mom, can you get me some water, please?”

“of course, sweetie. i’ll be back.” she leaves a kiss on her forehead and exiting to get her daughter a drink. y/n takes her opportunity to leave. not the hospital, but the ER is not where she can be. she sprints around, desperately looking for a sign of herself. she goes the the ORs, the regular rooms, and finally she stops in the ICU. she looks in each of the rooms, every single one being dark and empty until she comes across one in particular.

her frail body lay in the bed, with the muffled sounds of doctors speaking and beeping. she looked so weak, and watching herself not be able to fight back against the storm broke every part of her. she stands in front of the doors before hearing a voice behind her. the same voice she fell in love with years ago, and the one that saved her heart and stole it like a thief. y/n whips around at the quick sound of her name. “do you think you should be there?” the duplicate of eddie says.

“why am i here, and not there?”

“because that wound on your body is not the only thing that needs to be healed. you’ve imagined a perfect world. and this is death, y/n.”

“why are you here?”

“i’m your imagination. because if you go back, you don’t know what’s going to happen in a few years. that’s the point of this.”

“because i don’t know if you’ll be there?”

“because you want to be loved forever. and there’s a guarantee at this place,” eddie explains. y/n looks at him calmly, but confusion is written all over her face.

“you love me. i know you do. you said you would forever, and you don’t here. why are you even talking to me? why are there no dead people or something?”

eddie steps closer to her, looking down into her eyes as she stares back at herself. “you want to be loved by these people. why do you think i’m just showing up now?”

“don’t play this game with me, diaz. i do not know why i’m here or why you are here because nothing makes any sense!”

“you said the answer yourself. you know, you know,” he repeats. y/n is scared. she’s a fearless person, but dealing with this alternate life has shown her a whole new side. the world is an uncertain place and no one knows what’s on the other side until you get there. once you’re on that side, there is no going back. that’s it.

the repetition of something she knows runs through her frightened mind at a hundred miles an hour. from the moment she entered that fire station and saw his beautiful face looking at her. she knew she’d be loved. over and over again, he’d told her. and it was enough.

what felt like minutes to y/n was a week to eddie. a week of the prolonged unconsciousness from y/n with no signs of living other than her steady heartbeat. the doctors said it was a good sign, but until eddie saw her eyes again, he didn’t believe it. he’s not one to take something for granted, but if he’d known he would never see her mesmerizing irises again, he would’ve never looked away.

the team of surgeons and interns had piled back into the room, attempting to remove the tube. eddie’s stomach ached from the anxiety of this being her last shot. it was now or never, and he despised that he couldn’t control it. if the tube is removed and she takes a breath on her own, there is a high likelihood that she’ll wake up in the next few hours.

eddie prays to any god that might listen to him, begging, almost on his hands and knees that he will be able to hold her again. when the harsh rise of her chest puffs up, eddie’s own drops. he releases the breath and all his pain, sending it away with her coma.

after the dark clouds rolled over, the sun of y/n’s smile came out. she was giggling and happy, and no one would think that she was just in the condition she was in. the doctors have finally cleared her to go home, no longer needing medical supervision and observation. she was regaining strength at an impressive rate which was optimistic to eddie. several visits from christopher and carla, along with her co-workers had happened over the week of her spell. eddie helped her gather her stuff, still needing help to lift things and stand. the second she tries to stand on her own, eddie is there in the speed of light.

“hey, hey, don’t stand up yet,” he says, walking over to the straining woman on the hospital bed. “if you push yourself it’ll be worse.”

“i’ll be ok, eddie,” she says a little passive-aggressively. eddie knows how hard the recovery stage can be, especially when you have a lot of people nagging you about it. she loves to work more than anything. it’s her mission to save people and make the worst day of their life as easy as it can be. y/n’s clearly frustrated with herself and her situation, but she never wants to make eddie feel bad about his good intentions. “shit, i’m sorry.”

“amor, i told you not to apologize. this trauma is yours to carry, and it sucks. i just want to make this easier for you.”

“i just, i saw you and my whole family. in my… coma,” she cringes at the word. “they loved me, eddie. they really cared instead of putting on a face. i considered staying. but you had, um,” eddie places a reassuring arm around her shoulder, silently letting her know it’s ok to say what’s on her mind. “you left me and i had no clue.”

“god, you know i would never do that, right?”

“i do, it just felt so real. the way you looked at me in that reality and how couldn’t say you loved me hurt so bad and i had to come back to you.”

“i love you, so much,” eddie touches his forehead to hers. “i would never, ever leave you. i couldn’t imagine my life without you when you were sleeping.”

eddie looks into her eyes. he takes in every speck of color, and the movement of her pupils. his hands wander across her body before pulling her in, helping her get a sense that he is real. the knowledge that he is not going anywhere away from her until their last breath.

[catmomjudy]

Quick and Dirty “Evan” Count

This count is taken from transcripts at:

tvshowtranscripts.ourboard.org

“Evan Buckley” and “Evan” Counts Per Episode:

“Evan” Counts Per Person:

Excluding PAST scenes in 4x05 and Coma Dream in 6x11

Parents are counted together because the transcripts aren’t always labeled with who is speaking. It’s usually easy to tell with main cast, but Margaret and Phillip tag team him a lot.

Notes:

*The name is introduced by the TV reporter in 1x02

*The next usage is in 1x10, where the Catfish Girls all call him “Evan” (once) or “Evan Buckley” (twice)

*Buck introduces himself to new people as “Evan Buckley” 3 times

The 118: Quickly corrects to “Buck” after Bobby says, “Take a seat, Evan” (“Uh, Buck. Everyone just calls me ‘Buck’”)

Red: “Evan Buckley. Buck.”

Lucy: Does not tell her to call him Buck.

*Buck says the name “Evan Buckley” multiple times, but says the name “Evan” alone 3 times:

Suggested baby name (4x03)

Mimicking his parents (4x03)

Mocking/questioning Chim (in 6x10 when Chim calls him “Evan”)

*In 6x11 (In Another Life)

Evan in Dream: Maddie 1; Margaret 2; Phillip 2; Evil Daniel 1

Evan in reality: 1 (Margaret, I believe)

Evan Buckley: Crazy Bobby 1; Real Athena 1

*About the Name “Buck”

He tells Maddie about the nickname in a postcard written the day he starts his probationary year as a firefighter.

He explicitly tells the 118 to call him “Buck.” This scene is shown TWICE: in 2x16 (Bobby Begins Again) and 4x05 (Buck Begins)

After this, no one in the 118 calls him Evan except Chim (once to be annoying in 2x01; twice in 6x10 when he’s trying to impress the Buckleys) and Eddie (once, in 4x14).

He explicitly tells his parents in 4x05 (when they come to the firehouse): “Buck. That’s what people who know me…that’s what they call me.” To their credit, they do call him Buck when they visit in 6x10.

*And because I started this because of a post about Tommy:

Tommy calls him “Evan” 9 times in eps 7x04 and 7x05

He did not refer to him by name after that

The 5 times in 7x04 were all conversational or as greetings.

Of the four times in 7x05, one was in reaction to the wedding invitation, and the other 3 were part of 2 slightly snarky comments and the brush-off:

”Nobody’s looking at us, Evan.”

”Ain’t that the truth, Evan.”

”Evan, I think you’re adorable, but I don’t think you’re ready.”

If you see or note any I missed, please let me know.

(Counts and dialogue from: tvshowtranscripts.ourboard.org)

Updated 11:15 pm 6/27/24 to revise per person counts (to include current time scenes in 4x05) and to add section on “Buck.”

[goodwhump-temp]

Castle Whump | Castle TV Show (2009)

1x01 Arrested, nose pinched, handcuffed, held at gunpoint, pushed 1x03 Ear pinched 1x06 Scared, embarrassed, shot at, threatened, risks his life 1x07 Threatened, punched, undercover, creeped out, held at gunpoint/punched, black eye 1x10 Slammed, manhandled, threatened, worried

2x01 Rear-ended, held at gunpoint, risking life, held at gunpoint 2x02 Nervous 2x04 Interrogated, sad 2x06 Tackled, manhandled, bit, childhood trauma? 2x07 Sad 2x09 Papercut, punched/icepack, handcuffed, paranoid, intimidated, worried 2x12 Self restrained, heartbroken the whole episode 2x13Hostage, held at gunpoint, pain, headbutt, guilt 2x14 Upset 2x15 Daddy issues the whole episode, fake headache (08:24) 2x17 Panic/worried 2x18 Panic/worried, runs into burning building 2x19 'Cursed,' papercut, chair breaks, pain, death threat, bullied/panic/coffee 'explosion', dog attack, scared, elevator panic, cuts finger 2x21 Jealous, heartbroken 2x22 Threatened (22:45), jealous 2x23 Jealous, heartbroken 2x24 Manhandled, heartbroken, sad

3x01 Shot at, held at gunpoint multiple times, insulted/arrested, ear pinched 3x02 Held at gunpoint 3x03 Mad, heartbroken 3x06 Held at gunpoint, restrained, manipulated 3x09 Abducted, injected unconscious, bruised 3x11 Upset 3x12 Upset 3x13 Worried, shock, shot at, hurt hand, bandaged 3x15 Emotional 3x16 Exposed to high levels of radiation, worried/emotional, shot at, trapped 3x17 Trapped, hypothermia, passes out, cold, scared 3x18 Worried 3x21 Intimidated (09:47), betrayed/jealous 3x22 Poked (pain/33:40) 3x23 In shock (41:20) 3x24 Dangerous situation, worried, confrontation, angry/heartbroken, mourning, emotional/crying

4x01 Pushed against the wall, emotional, heartbroken, depressed, worried, confrontation, held at gunpoint 4x02 Cries 4x03 Jumpscared, jumps into trashbin (is fine) 4x05 Betrayed, angry 4x06 Freaks out 4x07 Hostage, held at gunpoint, life threatened, almost shot, confrontation, restrained, presumed dead 4x08 Dragged, threatened 4x09 Worried 4x10 Handcuffed, drugged, missing, tiger attack 4x12 Denial 4x14 Manhandled, punched multiple times, 4x15 Captured, held at gunpoint, trapped, car crash into water 4x16 Car crashed into water, drowning, reprimanded, 4x19 Worried, feels betrayed/very heartbroken, angry 4x20 Heartbroken/coping, acting strange 4x21 Held at gunpoint, hungover, in danger, gut punched 4x22 Heartbroken, surrounded, jumpscare 4x23 Emotional confrontation, tearing up

5x01 Held at gunpoint, restrained, worried 5x03 Emotional 5x04 Arrested 5x05 Hand cut (minor), framed, arrested, scared, threatened, missing, car rammed, bleeding, shot at 5x06 Emotional (happy), upset (not happy), paranoid, zapped 5x08 Held at gunpoint, hunted/missing, captured 5x09 Upset (abandoned), betrayed 5x15 Daughter kidnapped, worried, very emotional, panic 5x16 Worried, missing/desperate, held at gunpoint, betrayed, almost killed, captured, emotional 5x17 Paranoid 'cursed,' flustered, flashbanged 5x19 Wheelchair, paranoid, falls, panic 5x20 Threatened (evil gorilla), trapped, back pain, scared 5x21 Jealous 5x22 Worried, pain montage (ear pinched x2, shoved, poked, nose pinched, freezing to death, punched multiple times, all near death situations), denial 5x23 "Shot" at, finger nicked (not serious) 5x24 Upset, sad

6x01 Abducted at gunpoint, car crash, arrested, taken, exposed to toxic chemicals, 1 day to live 6x02 Infected, slowly dying, weak, passes out, hospitalized 6x03 Briefly held at gunpoint 6x04 In danger, held at gunpoint, shot, unconscious, bruised pain 6x05 Foot stabbed, limp, manhandled, choked unconscious 6x09 Guilt 6x10 Sleep deprived 6x12 Held at gunpoint, captured, betrayed 6x17 Worried 6x18 Ninja attack, held at gunpoint 6x21 Bummed/sore loser, comforted by the boys 6x22 Worried, hunted, paranoid, arrested 6x23 Held at gunpoint, restrained, car crash

7x01 Car crash, thought dead, abducted/missing, hospitalized/comatose, amnesia, mysterious past: (shot, dengue fever) 7x02 Held at gunpoint, found evidence: emotional, scared 7x03 Knocked back, punched multiple times, paranoid, held at gunpoint 7x04 Bullied, thrown to the ground, kicked 7x06 Insomnia, shot at, trapped in alt. reality, panic, held at knife point, abducted, threatened, shot, bleeding, passes out, guilt 7x07 Punched, manhandled, in danger 7x10 Hand sliced, held at gunpoint x2, heartbroken 7x11 Choked, peppersprayed, comforted (kinda) 7x12 Jealous, coping, abducted at gunpoint, betrayed at gunpoint 7x13 Panic, knocked unconscious, pain, stranded, guilt, denial 7x15 Worried, angry, arrested, emotionally tortured, tazed 7x16 Trapped, exposed to toxic gas, weak 7x19 Held at gunpoint, restrained 7x20 PTSD/reoccurring nightmares, therapy, obsessed, everyone worried, headache, held at gunpoint 7x21 Nervous, betrayed, held at gunpoint 7x23 Scared, childhood trauma (+threatened), childhood trauma, feels betrayed, tackled, knife attack, throat cut, bleeding

8x01 Punched, kicked, drugged/abducted at gunpoint, restrained, threatened, extreme psychological torture, wrists bleeding, painful kick to the ground, shot at 8x02 Feels betrayed, angry, held at gunpoint x2, emotionally hurt/betrayed 8x03 Depressed, coping 8x05 Coping, held at gunpoint x2 8x06 Jayne anxiety/jumpscare x2, held at gunpoint, ambushed, held at gunpoint, tackled, bloody nose, heartbroken 8x08 Worried, exhausted, heartbroken, confrontation 8x09 Slapped (8:15), pushed to the wall x2 8x10 In shock, embarrassed, guilt 8x11 Betrayed, handcuffed, threatened 8x12 Kidnapped/drugged, trapped, betrayed at gunpoint, sacrifices himself, held at gunpoint 8x13 Undercover, shot, "dead" 8x14 Flashbacks, aggressively patted/hit, held at gunpoint, feels betrayed, watches the video (after being shot, pain, worried), guilt 8x15 Guilt, hungover 8x16 Zapped, scared (Linus) 8x17 Falls, back pain, held at gunpoint, shot at, delusional (genie) 8x21 Superstitious spooks, wrist grabbed/pain, jumpscare x2, knocked out (offscreen), icepack 8x22 Hunted, shot at, worried, captured, restrained, interrogated, drugged, betrayed, crying, angry, shot, bleeding out

[ouatsqincorrect]

ok but s4b of ouat is soooo funny when you think about it

4x13 -> gay couple goes through a crisis when a group of nuns and a big sky monster jump out of a hat

4x14 -> two idiots accidentally help resurrect their long dead enemy, who also happens to be a dragon

4x15 -> mayor of town goes undercover and calls herself a “bad girl” when ex girlfriend comes back to life

4x16 -> former mermaid tries to get rock to give her back her singing voice

4x17 -> everyone in town goes to sleep. in the past, two idiots ask a unicorn for advice

4x18 -> woman is confused when she finds out her previously-thought-to-be-dead sister is pretending to be her ex-boyfriend’s dead wife

4x19 -> lady who can talk to animals gets upset while playing angry birds, tries to push child off a cliff

4x20 -> lesbian must venture to new york with her wife when it turns out her ex-girlfriend hatched from an egg

4x21 -> crazy mayor releases dragon upon town

4x22/4x23 -> boy must save entire town when everyone gets trapped inside an evil dude’s fanfiction

[kurtsvonneslut]

Rate your top 5 ouat ships

ilysm and i will take any chance to talk about this subject hehe

after much internal debate, this is my definitive ranking:

5. can i say swan town? i think i have to say swan town. i just have such fond memories of that era of the swen fandom and running that meme completely into the ground. i even wrote an entire swan town crackfic. it was just fun times all around and i actually really miss it :'))

4. sea devil. i know they were only in the show briefly, but reading into cruella and ursula's relationship was so much fun for me!!! i think there was a lot unspoken and a whole lot of implications that eddy and adam did not intend in the slightest. they are a great tragedy to me, a classic "right person, wrong time".

3. swanfire. to me, emma and regina's respective first loves are as integral to their story as is their own relationship. that's why i had such a hard time deciding which to put second and which to put third. ultimately, i put swanfire here because they just don't have the same allure to me as dragon queen does (it's the milf lover in me). but their story breaks my heart every time. i love the earnest in the way they loved each other, how they truly were each other's first loves, how if one thing had been different, would everything be different today? (i had to, ok) yes you could argue lily was emma's first love, but to me that was just a crush. neal was the first person she truly loved, and the first person to betray her in such a way. then, just when they find each other again, he's ripped away from her, but not before telling her that he never stopped loving her. GOD. how can that not just get you???

2. dragon queen. which, after the essay above, might be kind of a shock, but hear me out. all you need to do is watch 4x14 "enter the dragon" (which is. such a euphemistic title) to get it. maleficent is regina's teacher, the first one to help her explore magic as a way to regain power over her life. in return, regina is the one to reawaken maleficent's "spark" and help her not only come out of her depression and stop using drugs sleeping curse to cope, but to turn into a dragon again. aurora taunts maleficent saying she'll never know true love, and then regina walks in and maleficent says that regina helped her remember who she is. if that's not true love, what is? the way they leaned on one another to cope with their traumas, fed each other's revenge fantasies until it consumed them, it's so deliciously toxic and i drink it up every time.

1. i mean. do i even need to say it. i've been a swan queen stan since day one. the first time i ever watched the damn pilot i was a little closeted 13 year old sitting next to my mother thinking 'by golly i think these women look at each other kinda funny'. the entire show is about them. ouat would be nothing without emma and regina's relationship as its core driving force (see season 7 for proof of this). the way they go from narrative foils, mortal enemies fighting for the love of their son, to reluctant allies joining forces against greater evil, to friends, to the only people the other can trust is so compelling i don't know how any other relationship on the show can even compare. "i know that look. i know her. i believe her." "you may not be strong enough, but maybe we are." "she's not dying." "i invited her." "but maybe i need you." "you can lie to your parents, you can lie to yourself, but you can't lie to me." "i believe in you." i could spend hours talking about them. i have literally spent over a decade telling their story and will probably continue to do so for at least another one. catch me in the nursing home re-reading satin town by coalitiongirl for the zillionth time. i will pry them from eddy and adam's cold, dead hands and treat them the way they deserve, the way the showrunners and writers were too cowardly to.

[oscconfessions]

GUYS pPLEASDER hear me out on 4x14 (like not a fuller relationship but the dynamic) Ik theyve NEVER been on screen together (bar the Christmas song) but I need you to listen RQ‼️‼️

I THIBK 4 x 14 is like the ultimate opposite of "I can fix them". Like they both fall kinda close together on the evil spectrum. I feel like the whole relationship runs on the basis that four likes four-themed things (sees himself in 14) and somewhat finds 14's skin eating entertaining (smiling at 14 asking for a fork in the Christmas video) . And on fourteens side he needs somebody to reliably pull him out of jail, and also appreciates the enthusiasm.

So LIKE in one way it could be kinda more of an adoration/crush thing but. I find the idea of them being stuck in a stalemate of who gets to eat who very entertaining.

Both of them would become worse totgehe so I'd argue again that I don't want it to be SERIOUS but like as a great scouce of general tomfoolery (like the dynamic is kinda unhealthily)

Unhinged rant over. See you all at the metal hospital this week.

.

[elizadushkudaily]

Faith Masterlist!

October 1998 - May 2003 | Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel. Eliza Dushku plays Faith Lehane - full 26 episode masterlist below! All episodes are from Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BTVS) unless they are from Angel (noted with ATS).

This was Eliza's first TV show role. Faith Lehane is a charismatic working-class Slayer from Boston, who befriended Buffy.

You can also find this by season in the Faith Lehane posters.

Masterlist: 3x03 Faith Hope and Trick 3x04 Beauty and the Beasts 3x05 Homecoming 3x07 Revelations 3x10 Amends 3x13 The Zeppo 3x14 Bad Girls 3x15 Consequences 3x16 Doppelgangland 3x17 Enemies 3x19 Choices 3x21 Graduation Day Part 1 3x22 Graduation Day Part 2 4x15 This Year’s Girl 4x16 Who Are You? 1x18 Five by Five [ATS] 1x19 Sanctuary [ATS] 2x01 Judgment [ATS] 4x13 Salvage [ATS] 4x14 Release [ATS] 4x15 Orpheus [ATS] 7x18 Dirty Girls 7x19 Empty Places 7x20 Touched 7x21 End of Days 7x22 Chosen multi [multiple episodes]

Some multi tagged gifs are also tagged with each individual episode.

In case you haven't seen these shows: On Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BTVS) a young woman (Buffy) deals with her life fighting evil, with the help of her friends. On the spin-off Angel (ATS) a cursed vampire (Angel) aids people while questing for his own redemption. (credit to IMDB)

All gif credit to @starryeyesxx! - crawl (BTVS S4) thanks to starryeyesxx - behind bars (ATS S1) thanks to starryeyesxx - (left) blue uniform (ATS S4) thanks to starryeyesxx - (right) good slayer now? (BTVS S7) thanks to starryeyesxx

[kmze]

Thoughts on 4x13-4x23 TBH I had a lot of fun watching this half! I liked Elena’s no humanity arc and I enjoyed Silas fucking around with everyone and getting inside their heads. I also liked the detours to NYC and the storybook town Katherine compelled. There is some good foreshadowing this half and it was definitely much better than the first half of S4 (at least to me) The worst part was Bonnie’s storyline because of how tragically it ended and that she wasn’t in control of herself for much of it (this season was rough for her, might be her roughest). Also everyone appears to be dumber for plot reasons (or maybe it was just Damon being put in charge too often). Thoughts below!

4x13

The way Rebekah body slammed Elena CTFU!!

Klaus is such an asshole. As much as I have enjoyed some of the Klaus and Caroline scenes this season (my feelings about them have evolved, they are a necessary evil lol) stuff like this will always turn me off about them.

This Forwood scene is both touching and heartbreaking. Caroline reassuring Tyler he did the right thing because he freed the hybrids, and calling him a leader. They’re so great.

Again it's so cruel how the show is handling Beremy in regards to Bonnie. They came back together pretty quickly, which isn't a bad thing because it shows Jeremy has been pining this whole time (which your own fault my guy). However, they are just setting Bonnie up because he's gonna die! All those shirtless muscle grazes for nothing.

Rebekah dropping truth bombs though about how everyone should shut up about taking the moral high ground.

I like that Caroline always finds a way to stay alive! She knew she could use Klaus’ feelings for her against him to cure her, and she doesn’t have to give him anything in return. Adapt or die.

4x14

I am so tired of hearing about the cure already!

These beach/forest island scenes are making me zone out, I have no idea what's going on with this plot and very ready for it to end.

Nah Klaus was being way too nice and forgiving, Tyler and Caroline needed to be quicker figuring that out.

For someone who hates Elena she sure does talk about her ALL THE TIME JFC Rebekah, get a life.

But EL OH EL at Elena trying to get Stefan back to worshipping her by talking about his feelings on being human and when she asks why he didn't tell her he says "because it wasn't about you" BURN!

I like how you can subtly tell its Katherine when she goes to bite the hunter. Elena never would have done that.

Poor Forwood :(

Klaus is so fucking delusional “you know I would never hurt you” you just did less than 24 hours ago!

4x15

Stefan and Caroline have great silent communication.

Sometimes I read Reddit against my better judgement and for some reason they all believe Stefan and Bonnie should have happened. But I’m sorry after 3.5 seasons into this rewatch Stefan doesn’t give a flying fuck about Bonnie! Whatever “friendship” people think was “ignored” does not exist! He basically told Damon to leave her on that island with a 2000 year old psychic immortal because Damon needed to use the sire bond (!!!) on Elena. Bonnie doesn’t really fuck with him either, ever since Grams died she keeps her distance more than I noticed before. I think Bonnie recognizes how much Stefan is a lying liar who lies.

I think that’s why Bonnie ultimately got closer to Damon than she ever did to Stefan. Not that she trusts Damon or even really likes him until S6, but he at least shows her who he is all the time.

Damon and Caroline do not have good silent communication lol.

The crazypants Bonnie scenes are amusing in a scary way during all this heavy stuff.

This was one of the most emotional episodes of this show ever and I mean that in a good way. Nina deserved more accolades for her performance because it’s really heartbreaking, and she does a fantastic job of switching from extremely emotional to “emotionless” humanity off.

The scene where the trio walks out of the house while it’s burning you see Damon and Elena keep walking together but Stefan stays back a bit to look at the house and gets separated from the two of them. I felt like that was foreshadowing that Stefan is going to move on and essentially leave the triangle.

4x16

Wait did Elena just imply Caroline has seen her naked!

Damon’s list of things Klaus sucks at CTFU!

I feel like Stefan always has a vervain needle in his pocket LMFAO! Phone, keys, wallet, vervain needle. It will also endlessly amaze me how often vamps get roofied by vervain needles in broad daylight and just no one cares.

The way NH!Elena stops when she sees Stefan and Caroline dancing and stomps over GREATEST MOMENTS IN TVD HISTORY! I firmly believe this is the first time we see Stefan have his more than friendship feelings for Caroline (the ones that scared him and he pushed away) and actually act on them.

OMG am I ready for Rebekah to go away already!

Klaus and Hayley have ZERO chemistry wow. They definitely get better on TO but this was painful to watch.

Personally I would have told Stefan “not my problem” re: NH!Elena but Caroline is nicer than me. She’s also still kinda falls for his tricks at this point (wait until S6 my friends).

4x17

Love the 1977 flashback mostly for the use of Psycho Killer.

KLEFAROLINE! I can’t believe this is the only episode ever that they all shared scenes at the same time.

Isn’t Shane dead?!? I can’t follow this storyline at all man.

You can always tell how bad the show is treating Bonnie by how bad her wig/hair is and right now it's getting bad again. It looked great with the curtain bangs but the full bangs are a no-go. How this show managed to make Kat Graham look NOT gorgeous on purpose is it's most heinous crime.

I think we can all agree when Klaus said “don’t underestimate the allure of darkness Stefan, even the purest of hearts are drawn to it” it was him propositioning Stefan and Caroline to have a threesome.

I’m really enjoying the NYC scenes and the flashbacks. It’s giving a different feel to the show and I like it, almost the opposite of how it made me feel in the beginning of the season. Maybe we’re transitioning with Elena again but this time it's about having no humanity and hedonism so it's like grimmy, dark and sexy. Also change of scenery once in a while is a good thing.

Klaus pushing Stefan against the tree was way more sexual than the script intended me thinks. Then Caroline rushes over, and that’s why we only got one episode of this throuple, le sigh.

Damn NH!Damon was cold blooded in the flashback with Lexi, I forgot about that.

4x18

Katherine compelling a whole town reminds me of WandaVision now.

Stefan pointing out how incompetent Damon is lol always funny (and true).

NH!Elena intimidating Katherine is GOLD! Nina is having so much fun with this arc and I love that for her.

Damon and Stefan being like “ew” at Katherine and Elijah like they both haven’t slept with her AND her doppelgänger.

Honestly the vial the cure was in did not look like a 2000 year old vial so like again, morons. Damon for some reason thought Katherine was as stupid as him and hide it in the most obvious spot.

NH!Elena is right how fucking stupid is Elijah that he trusted Katherine or believes anything she says EVER. He's just as gullible as his sister.

I’m with Elijah honestly Klaus no one cares about you being tormented, you’re the worst and this is karma. I'm also with him in regards to Rebekah and her insisting on taking the cure, you wouldn't last one day without superpowers, you're just bored and need attention.

4x19

Caroline still got the better dress lol. I do love when she uses men's affections to get herself things.

Silas appearing as everyone was a good villain for this half. Gave everyone an opportunity to play something different, plus there’s always something scary about a shapeshifter especially one that can read your mind.

Bonnie going cray-cray again but even worse her hair and this dull dress WTF?! Like they gave her prom queen but at what cost! I hope Kat burned this wig once she was free from it.

I personally feel like the Steroline prom dance affects Stefan more than Caroline. She maybe feels a little tingle after they share a look but Stefan’s reaction is way more played up. He’s the one who lowers his head like they might kiss and then the breath he takes after. My heart. Love how this becomes such an important moment in their love story, especially for him. He mentions it in his speech about loving her changed his life, and oh yeah his friggin' wedding vows!

See another vervain needle! This guy!

I'm sorry but LMFAO at Klaus talking about humanity saying mockingly "why does this always happen to innocent people" because he's kinda right! Being human in this world would be super lame with all the supernatural power and knowledge they have.

Elijah knows there's a super-powerful immortal psychic who can impersonate people wondering around and he doesn't ask for even a little bit of clarifying information when "Rebekah" says she passed his test. Also he just believes she passed his test? HOW IS HE THIS GULLIBLE?!

4x20

The first scene cracks me up in retrospect like “we three are contractually obligated to be in all episodes so here’s some random dialogue to fill that” LMFAO

MARCEL <333 you beautiful sexy ass hell man, I shall always crackship you with Bonnie Boncel4lyfe

Elijah is just as bad as Stefan when it comes to his brother, like OMG just let that man GO! Some people just don’t want to be saved man.

The Klamille scene when they looking at the painting and discussing it is really nice (plus great song). I know technically he looked at art with Caro first but like Cami actually appreciates art and Caro couldn’t really care less beyond distracting him lol.

4x21

IDK if I can believe Caroline was valedictorian… I mean I don’t think she’s dumb or not determined enough to get it but there is no way she attended enough classes to get it. Sorry show I don’t believe you.

You know Caroline is moving up in the TVD food chain when Matt turns a dig about her from Rebekah into a compliment!

Matt being the trigger for Elena made sense, he got the biggest emotional reaction out of her when she first saw him in the woods. I don’t think Damon got any real emotional reaction out of her tbh, and Stefan got some with her jealousy over Caroline and when he compared her to Katherine. This just proves Matlena should have been endgame like I’ve always said!

4x22

Stefan definitely had Caroline babysitting Elena.

Sorry but I love how everyone doesn’t even entertain the idea Elena could kill Katherine. They are like she’s 500 years old and 500x smarter than you, you will die.

Lexi’s comments are great foreshadowing for Steroline. They are ambiguous enough that they don’t say Stefan has feelings for Caroline but they don’t deny it. Lexi definitely seems to think so though and she's known him for over 100 years so...

I know Katherine and Elena have tons of reasons to want each other dead but it felt like they played it up on purpose this episode and the next one to make them fight and give Katherine the cure. It’s not OOC or anything just feels more manufactured than it needed to be.

I can’t believe they killed Bonnie! I know it’s temporary but JFC she can’t catch a break, this was an awful season half for her. Fuck Julie and Dries.

4x23

I can’t believe they had Stefan graduate LMFAO zero people believe he attended more than 2 classes this whole year.

I like how the Klaroline scene in 4x23 and the Steroline scene in 6x22 work in tandem. I used to view it as a conflict but now I appreciate how they work so well for Caroline. Two hot powerful guys promising her their heart and she gets to choose which one whenever she wants since they both gave an open timeline. It girl behavior!

I don’t think I ever zone out more than when Damon and Elena make one of their yelling love declarations of toxicity. I will never understand their appeal.

Poor Stefan. I do feel a little bad but they did hint all season he was going to be the one to move on and he knew it too. Through a rewatch it’s easy to see the hints and foreshadowing. His scene with Damon where he says he’s “not not happy for you” is great too because that’s what matters to him more in the end.

Human Katherine! Such a great storyline excited for it!

HELLO MY SHADOW SELF

Lines that made me laugh:

Rebekah: You’re like Sherlock Holmes with brain damage (she's annoying but she is funny!)

Elena: You got Lexi’d! (CRYING I swear everyone is funnier without humanity)

Caroline: I don’t know if this is your new weird way of flirting, but it sucks. (her delivery was the best part)

[all-eyes-lead-to-the-truth]

All Eyes Lead to the Truth (4x14) | Memento Mori

They are referred to as alien-human hybrids. While scientifically correct, they don’t consider the title to be phenomenologically accurate. They are bound in this corporeal form, but possess no superhuman capabilities or powers to signify alien origin. 

Down to the most minute cell, they are Kurt Crawford. They are the little boy who held his mother’s hand as they were taken from the El Rico Air Force Base in 1973. They are the innovation of men who weren’t satisfied with God’s plan and decided to make their own.

His existence is similar to  a violinist who can play the second movement of Tchaichovsky’s Violin Concerto without missing a note, but who failed to imbue emotion into the song — the audience can recognize the tune, hum along to the melody, but they know deep down that there’s something not quite right.

Perhaps it’s because they were not of woman borne. There was never a mother to nurture them, only the replicas of other missing people. They never experienced what it was like to grow up or figure out their place in the world — they knew their mission the moment electricity lit up their synapses. 

At least Dr. Frankenstein could see his creation was a crime against nature; even Mary Shelley couldn’t conjure the horror of a monster masquerading as a man. Perhaps the fact that the alien-human hybrids looked like the Syndicate’s loved ones is their punishment for defying the laws of science.

Regardless, the Crawfords’ pragmatism began to fade alongside the health of all the women who suffered just so they could exist. He knew some of the other series didn’t feel the same. The others thought this intervention in evolution was the key to a better world without considering who they would be making it better for.

Why bother with the betterment of humanity if there were no humans left?

John Locke always said that humans enter the world with a tabula rasa, that a person’s environment nurtures who they are to become. Jean-Jacques Rousseau contended that humans enter the world with a predestined morality, that people are innately good without interference.

But what about them? What is destined for a creature borne of fluid and test tubes, guided by the hands of cruel men?

But then again, it would be an insult to claim innocence in the grand scheme. The Gregor Series may have been evil when they cloned the DNA of defenseless children, but the Crawford Series was still using the genetic material harvested from the same project they sought to destroy. The ova from the MUFON women were an integral part in piecing together the genetic puzzle of who they were, but it didn’t make it any easier whenever they saw the women begin to deteriorate.

The list was getting longer by the day;  Edna Cooper, Lottie Holloway, Betsy Hagopian, Penny Northern, soon to be —

“Scully.”

Kurt bowed his head and tried to pretend that their voices didn’t echo around the tiny apartment. For all the bravado Agent Scully was feigning, Agent Mulder matched her with unconcealed fear. This was one of the facets of humanity that made him feel alien. She was dying, and they were fighting. Earlier she had even said she was “fine” while blood poured out of her nose.

He saw death every day. Maybe not first hand, but every file referenced, every lead followed, and every medical chart the Crawfords looked at was laden with it. It seemed to him that wherever death tread, grief and despair were close behind. The losses of the MUFON group didn’t merely extend to the women who died, but the families left behind. 

All of the Kurt Crawfords believed that was uniquely human: the desire to live one’s life in the company of others, to bond with others and care for each other. They wanted to believe their desires to protect the MUFON women was evidence that their existence meant something more. They wanted to exist outside the confines of what the Syndicate had planned for them.

But the Agents standing in front of him whispering with trembling breaths went against all he’d learned about human relationships. There were no hugs of reassurance or words of comfort, yet their gazes held an intimate yearning for each other that reached a depth Kurt couldn’t fathom.

Even as the woman rushed out of the apartment, sparing a sideways glance in the hallway mirror to check for dried blood, Agent Mulder’s eyes never left her. The moment the door shut, the man’s entire body seemed to deflate, his head bowing down as his shoulders curved inward. Agent Mulder raised his hand to his mouth and rubbed the short hairs growing across his skin.

Agent Mulder looked like he might vomit or start crying at a moment's notice, and it struck Kurt that maybe what he was witnessing was one of the most important elements of being human he hadn’t experienced yet. 

Love.

Kurt couldn’t help but think it looked painful, but maybe that was the laws of equivalent exchange at work. He supposed someone could only feel such intense despair and profound loss because they’d known joy and contentment.

“How soon-“ Agent Mulder started, pausing to take a measured breath. “Do you know how long ago Penny found out about her cancer?”

“Within the past year,” Kurt replied, hoping the Agent would accept this answer so that he wouldn’t have to admit it had only been a couple of months.

The answer was grim nonetheless and they both knew it. Kurt could see Mulder tying to could every grain in the proverbial hourglass Scully had left, and he knew it would be a matter of time before he was crushed under the weight of the spent sand.

“Did Betsy have any files on Scully at her place?”

Kurt knew she didn’t, not really, but he could tell Mulder needed to feel like there was something he could do to help her. So Kurt did the most human thing of all.

“I think she did.”

Read the rest of All Eyes Lead to the Truth on Archive of Our Own!

@gaycrouton

[supernovagifs]

NCIS Season Masterlists

Below are/will be masterlists for each episode.

Season 1

1x1 - Yankee White

1x2 - Hung Out to Dry

1x3 - Sea Dog

1x4 - The Immortals

1x5 - The Curse

1x6 - High Seas

1x7 - Sub Rosa

1x8 - Minimum Security

1x9 - Marine Down

1x10 - Left For Dead

1x11 - Eye Spy

1x12 - My Other Left Foot

1x13 - One Shot, One Kill

1x14 - The Good Samaritan

1x15 - Enigma

1x16 - Bete Noire

1x17 - The Truth Is Out There

1x18 - UnSEALeD

1x19 - Dead Man Talking

1x20 - Missing

1x21 - Split Decision

1x22 - A Weak Link

1x23 - Reveille

Season 2

2x1 - See No Evil

2x2 - The Good Wives Club

2x3 - Vanished

2x4 - Lt. Jane Doe

2x5 - The Bone Yard

2x6 - Terminal Leave

2x7 - Call of Silence

2x8 - Heart Break

2x9 - Forced Entry

2x10 - Chained

2x11 - Black Water

2x12 - Doppelganger

2x13 - The Meat Puzzle

2x14 - Witness

2x15 - Caught On Tape

2x16 - Pop Life

2x17 - An Eye for an Eye

2x18 - Bikini Wax

2x19 - Conspiracy Theory

2x20 - Red Cell

2x21 - Hometown Hero

2x22 - SWAK

2x23 - Twilight

Season 3

3x1 - Kill Ari (Part 1)

3x2 - Kill Ari (Part 2)

3x3 - Mind Games

3x4 - Silver War

3x5 - Switch

3x6 - The Voyeur's Web

3x7 - Honor Code

3x8 - Under Covers

3x9 - Frame Up

3x10 - Probie

3x11 - Model Behavior

3x12 - Boxed In

3x13 - Deception

3x14 - Light Sleeper

3x15 - Head Case

3x16 - Family Secret

3x17 - Ravenous

3x18 - Bait

3x19 - Iced

3x20 - Untouchable

3x21 - Bloodbath

3x22 - Jeopardy

3x23 - Hiatus (Part 1)

3x24 - Hiatus (Part 2)

Season 4

4x1 - Shalom

4x2 - Escaped

4x3 - Singled Out

4x4 - Faking It

4x5 - Dead and Unburied

4x6 - Witch Hunt

4x7 - Sandblast

4x8 - Once a Hero

4x9 - Twisted Sister

4x10 - Smoked

4x11 - Driven

4x12 - Suspicion

4x13 - Sharif Returns

4x14 - Blowback

4x15 - Friends & Lovers

4x16 - Dead Man Walking

4x17 - Skeletons

4x18 - Iceman

4x19 - Grace Period

4x20 - Cover Story

4x21 - Brothers In Arms

4x22 - In the Dark

4x23 - Trojan Horse

5x24 - Angel of Death

Season 5

5x1 - Bury Your Dead

5x2 - Family

5x3 - Ex-File

5x4 - Identity Crisis

5x5 - Leap of Faith

5x6 - Chimera

5x7 - Requiem

5x8 - Designated Target

5x9 - Lost & Found

5x10 - Corporal Punishment

5x11 - Tribes

5x12 - Stakeout

5x13 - Dog Tags

5x14 - Internal Affairs

5x15 - In the Zone

5x16 - Recoil

5x17 - About Face

5x18 - Judgement Day (Part 1)

5x19 - Judgement Day (Part 2)

Season 6

6x1 - Last Man Standing

6x2 - Agent Afloat

6x3 - Capitol Offense

6x4 - Heartland

6x5 - Nine Lives

6x6 - Murder 2.0

6x7 - Collateral Damage

6x8 - Cloak

6x9 - Dagger

6x10 - Road Kill

6x11 - Silent Night

6x12 - Caged

6x13 - Broken Bird

6x14 - Love & War

6x15 - Deliverance

6x16 - Bounce

6x17 - South by Southwest

6x18 - Knockout

6x19 - Hide & Seek

6x20 - Dead Reckoning

6x21 - Toxic

6x22 - Legend (Part 1)

6x23 - Legend (Part 2)

6x24 - Semper Fidelis

6x25 - Aliyah

Season 7

7x1 - Truth or Consequences

7x2 - Reunion

7x3 - The Inside Man

7x4 - Good Cop, Bad Cop

7x5 - Code of Conduct

7x6 - Outlaws and In-Laws

7x7 - Endgame

7x8 - Power Down

7x9 - Child's Play

7x10 - Faith

7x11 - Ignition

7x12 - Flesh and Blood

7x13 - Jet Lag

7x14 - Masquerade

7x15 - Jack-Knife

7x16 - Mother's Day

7x17 - Double Identity

7x18 - Jurisdiction

7x19 - Guilty Pleasure

7x20 - Moonlighting

7x21 - Obsession

7x22 - Borderland

7x23 - Patriot Down

7x24 - Rule Fifty-One

Season 8

8x1 - Spider and the Fly

8x2 - Worst Nightmare

8x3 - Short Fuse

8x4 - Royals and Loyals

8x5 - Dead Air

8x6 - Cracked

8x7 - Broken Arrow

8x8 - Enemies Foreign

8x9 - Enemies Domestic

8x10 - False Witness

8x11 - Ships in the Night

8x12 - Recruited

8x13 - Freedom

8x14 - A Man Walks Into a Bar...

8x15 - Defiance

8x16 - Kill Screen

8x17 - One Last Score

8x18 - Out of the Frying Pan

8x19 - Tell-All

8x20 - Two-Faced

8x21 - Dead Reflection

8x22 - Baltimore

8x23 - Swan Song

8x24 - Pyramid

Season 9

9x1 - Nature of the Beast

9x2 - Restless

9x3 - The Penelope Papers

9x4 - Enemy on the Hill

9x5 - Safe Harbor

9x6 - Thirst

9x7 - Devil's Triangle

9x8 - Engaged (Part 1)

9x9 - Engaged (Part 2)

9x10 - Sins of the Father

9x11 - Newborn King

9x12 - Housekeeping

9x13 - A Desperate Man

9x14 - Life Before His Eyes

9x15 - Secrets

9x16 - Psych Out

9x17 - Need to Know

9x18 - The Tell

9x19 - The Good Son

9x20 - The Missionary Position

9x21 - Rekindled

9x22 - Playing With Fire

9x23 - Up in Smoke

9x24 - Till Death Do Us Part

Season 10

10x1 - Extreme Prejudice

10x2 - Recovery

10x3 - Phoenix

10x4 - Lost at Sea

10x5 - The Namesake

10x6 - Shell Shock (Part 1)

10x7 - Shell Shock (Part 2)

10x8 - Gone

10x9 - Devil's Trifecta

10x10 - You Better Watch Out

10x11 - Shabbat Shalom

10x12 - Shiva

10x13 - Hit and Run

10x14 - Canary

10x15 - Hereafter

10x16 - Detour

10x17 - Prime Suspect

10x18 - Seek

10x19 - Squall

10x20 - Chasing Ghosts

10x21 - Berlin

10x22 - Revenged

10x23 - Double Blind

10x24 - Damned If You Do

Season 11

11x1 - Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

11x2 - Past, Present and Future

11x3 - Under the Radar

11x4 - Anonymous Was a Woman

11x5 - Once a Crook

11x6 - Oil & Water

11x7 - Better Angels

11x8 - Alibi

11x9 - Gut Check

11x10 - Devil's Triad

11x11 - Homesick

11x12 - Kill Chain

11x13 - Double Back

11x14 - Monsters and Men

11x15 - Bulletproof

11x16 - Dressed to Kill

11x17 - Rock and a Hard Place

11x18 - Crescent City (Part 1)

11x19 - Crescent City (Part 2)

11x20 - Page Not Found

11x21 - Alleged

11x22 - Shooter

11x23 - The Admiral's Daughter

11x24 - Honor Thy Father

Season 12

12x1 - Twenty Klicks

12x2 - Kill the Messenger

12x3 - So It Goes

12x4 - Choke Hold

12x5 - The San Dominick

12x6 - Parental Guidance Suggested

12x7 - The Searchers

12x8 - Semper Fortis

12x9 - Grounded

12x10 - House Rules

12x11 - Check

12x12 - The Enemy Within

12x13 - We Build, We Fight

12x14 - Cadence

12x15 - Cabin Fever

12x16 - Blast from the Past

12x17 - The Artful Dodger

12x18 - Status Update

12x19 - Patience

12x20 - No Good Deed

12x21 - Lost in Translation

12x22 - Troll

12x23 - The Lost Boys

12x24 - Neverland

Season 13

13x1 - Stop the Bleeding

13x2 - Personal Day

13x3 - Incognito

13x4 - Double Trouble

13x5 - Lockdown

13x6 - Viral

13x7 - 16 Years

13x8 - Saviors

13x9 - Day in Court

13x10 - Blood Brothers

13x11 - Spinning Wheel

13x12 - Sister City (Part 1)

13x13 - Deja Vu

13x14 - Decompressed

13x15 - React

13x16 - Loose Cannons

13x17 - After Hours

13x18 - Scope

13x19 - Reasonable Doubts

13x20 - Charade

13x21 - Return to Sender

13x22 - Homefront

13x23 - Dead Letter

13x24 - Family First

Season 14

14x1 - Rogue

14x2 - Being Bad

14x3 - Privileged Information

14x4 - Love Boat

14x5 - Philly

14x6 - Shell Game

14x7 - Home of the Brave

14x8 - Enemy Combatant

14x9 - Pay to Play

14x10 - The Tie That Binds

14x11 - Willoughby

14x12 - Off the Grid

14x13 - Keep Going

14x14 - Nonstop

14x15 - Pandora's Box (Part I)

14x16 - A Many Splendored Thing

14x17 - What Lies Above

14x18 - M.I.A

14x19 - The Wall

14x20 - A Bowl of Cherries

14x21 - One Book, Two Covers

14x22 - Beastmaster

14x23 - Something Blue

14x24 - Rendezvous

Season 15

15x1 - House Divided

15x2 - Twofer

15x3 - Exit Strategy

15x4 - Skeleton Crew

15x5 - Fake It 'Til You Make It

15x6 - Trapped

15x7 - Burden of Proof

15x8 - Voices

15x9 - Ready or Not

15x10 - Double Down

15x11 - High Tide

15x12 - Dark Secrets

15x13 - Family Ties

15x14 - Keep Your Friends Close

15x15 - Keep Your Enemies Closer

15x16 - Handle with Care

15x17 - One Man's Trash

15x18 - Death from Above

15x19 - The Numerical Limit

15x20 - Sight Unseen

15x21 - One Step Forward

15x22 - Two Steps Back

15x23 - Fallout

15x24 - Date with Destiny

Season 16

16x1 - Destiny's Child

16x2 - Love Thy Neighbor

16x3 - Boom

16x4 - Third Wheel

16x5 - Fragments

16x6 - Beneath the Surface

16x7 - A Thousand Words

16x8 - Friendly Fire

16x9 - Tailing Angie

16x10 - What Child Is This?

16x11 - Toil and Trouble

16x12 - The Last Link

16x13 - She

16x14 - Once Upon a Tim

16x15 - Crossing the Line

16x16 - Bears and Cubs

16x17 - Silent Service

16x18 - Mona Lisa

16x19 - Perennial

16x20 - Hail & Farewell

16x21 - Judge, Jury...

16x22 - ...and Executioner

16x23 - Lost Time

16x24 - Daughters

Season 17

17x1 - Out of the Darkness

17x2 - Into the Light

17x3 - Going Mobile

17x4 - Someone Else's Shoes

17x5 - Wide Awake

17x6 - Institutionalized

17x7 - No Vacancy

17x8 - Musical Chairs

17x9 - IRL

17x10 - The North Pole

17x11 - In the Wind

17x12 - Flight Plan

17x13 - Sound Off

17x14 - On Fire

17x15 - Lonely Hearts

17x16 - Ephemera

17x17 - In a Nutshell

17x18 - Schooled

17x19 - Blarney

17x20 - The Arizona

[ambersock]

I feel like Dean has tried to kill sam quite a bit throughout the 15 seasons of supernatural

Like I know they've both tried to kill each other because of various supernatural beings cursing or possessing them, but it kind of feels like dean holds it against sam more than sam holds it against dean. Sam almost always immediately offers forgiveness and says he knows it wasn't dean, but dean doesn't really say the same in return. It's like he holds on to so much against sam and he can never let it go, not the same way he can for literally anybody else. But it's just wild to me that with all that he holds against sam, sam never does the same back, he doesnt bring up all the times dean has harmed/tried to kill him (or if he does I just haven't made it to that episode yet)

Anyway there's no real question here I just kind of wanted to rant about sam

Funny you should bring that up, I have a fic for that:

Your feelings about Dean holding things against Sam are absolutely valid and fully supported by canon, and I've got concrete examples below. Warning, there are spoilers through s10 if you haven't gotten that far.

1x10 Asylum

While under the influence of Ellicott, Sam tries to shoot Dean. Afterwards, Sam apologizes, but Dean doesn’t accept it. Dean relents only after Sam asks if they need to talk about it.

2x14 Born Under a Bad Sign

Meg shoots Dean while possessing Sam. After Meg is exorcised, while Sam is in pain from a severe burn with a hot poker, Dean punches him.

4x14 Sex and Violence

Dean tries to kill Sam with an axe and is stopped at the last second by Bobby. The next day (4x15), after Sam has already apologized multiple times for what was said under the siren’s influence, we get Dean’s passive-aggressive, downright whiney “I don't want to be holding you back or nothin’.” There is no apology from Dean for the things he said or, more importantly, for trying to kill Sam.

8x06 Southern Comfort

Dean tries to shoot Sam while under the influence of the Confederate soldier’s ghost. Afterwards, Sam is justifiably angry about the things Dean said, but the very next episode, it’s like nothing ever happened and the first thing Sam does is try to ease Dean’s guilt about leaving Cas in Purgatory.

Now here’s the kicker: the things that Dean said while possessed were things that he never stopped holding against Sam even after Sam spent 180 years being tortured in the cage. Some of which Dean even admitted weren’t Sam’s fault back in 5x05. But wait, there’s more: he also held Sam coming back without a soul against him, something that was obviously out of his control. “But,” you may say, “he just said those things because he was possessed.” To which I respond by pointing out that the laundry list of Sam’s failures that Dean called out in 10x23 were the same things he called Sam out for while possessed: "All right. Well, I'm just spit-balling here, but if I were you, uh… Ruby, killing Lilith, letting Lucifer out, losing your soul, not looking for me when I went to Purgatory"

(And BTW, I have a fic for that too. A few, actually.)

10x03 Soul Survivor

Dean psychologically assaults Sam with the most emotionally damaging things he can think of to say, then hunts him down and tries to brain him with a hammer. Sam responds by running out to “pick him up a big ol’ bag of crap food and stuff it in his face” himself.

10x23 Brother’s Keeper

Dean lures Sam to the restaurant to kill him, calls him evil, tells him he deserves to die, tells him it was a mistake to stop Sam from sacrificing himself in 8x23. Sam responds by telling him, “You will never, ever hear me say that you -- the real you -- is anything but good.”

[tailoredshirt]

Nice Ask Week! K, I have 2 questions for you. First, I think it’s about time for a really good Nancy storyline in the show. What would your perfect Nancy storyline be?

Second, you’re going grocery shopping and you have an incredibly long list so it’s going to take a while. Which Lone Star character do you bring along to help?

Hi, Anne! Thanks! <3

I agree!!! I'm pretty open for what I'd like to see with Nancy, although I'd love to know more about her family and her early days as a paramedic. I've also said before that I'd die if they brought one of her ex-girlfriends onto the show! Which might be a chance for some Nanteo emotional development, although I'd be wary of them being biphobic (i.e. "Are you unsatisfied with dating a man?" and the road that might lead them down) or misogynistic (i.e. ex-gf is evil). But I'd also love to see the 126 being nosy, annoying jerks.

And I'm always down for whump or life-or-death situation, so something like TNT or TK & Nancy or Nancy & Marjan being trapped somewhere would be awesome. Also, one thing that I want to write, but which would be even cooler to see onscreen, is a TNT situation where TK and Nancy have to rescue Tommy! And/or they have to work together in a situation they have no experience with. I liked the glimpse of them being competent paramedic partners without Tommy in 4x14, on the phone with Owen. And it would be interesting to eventually see what her career goals are, like if she wants to be in a leadership position someday.

Cute question! I get overstimulated in crowded grocery stores, so someone talking too much or having strong opinions (Paul, Marjan, Mateo) would drive me nuts, and I would constantly feel like Carlos or Judd was annoyed with me lakhdjs TK would be fun, and he would also be pretty chill and patient. Or Tommy, who I think would be pretty organized and calm, but also fun!