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depressedtheatrekiddo · 21 days

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I'm not obsessed with Boy Wonder I'm not obsessed with Boy Wonder I'm not obsessed with Boy Wonder I'm not

#I totally am #“he was expecting so much better from both of you” HE WHO BITCH HE WHO #I am literally dying #The two chapters I have read I am literally more dead than jason last day #It's just siblings weird relationships ughhh #I eat that shit up everytime I swear #complicated? doesn't matter #I feel the older-y sib when dick #and the rage when jason #and ughhh I can't anymore #and I could totally eat the art #it's just so yqudgwueh #I love it #the boy wonder #damian wayne #jason todd #dick grayson #boy wonder

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aerticent · 11 months

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this is so Maven omg like

#everything he did was compared to Cal and even if he excelled in something it was always overshadowed by Cal’s achievements #he loved Cal more than anyone but he also hated him more than anyone #he wanted to badly to be better than him #to have something over him #He was smarter than Cal academically and he was still over shadowed #he got the throne and even with his allie’s it was clear that the majority were only with him due to their disagreement with Cal’s alliance #with the Guard #He ‘got’ Mare first and she still chose Cal in the end #everything he did was partially in an effort to be better than his older brother because for so long he was seen as worse #i’m just rambling #Maven’s deep love and resentment for Cal is so interesting because he can’t help but hate him #but at the same time Cal was the only person in his life who consistently showed him nothing but love #and even then all of his efforts to be ‘better’ than Cal he was still perceived as worse or as the last resort #Maven has multiple clear opportunities to kill Cal and yet everytime they either fail or he just can’t #these brothers man wtf #red queen #red queen series #maven calore #cal calore

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xviruserrorx · 8 months

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- Dear fellow Traveler by Sea Wolf

For Day 1 of @merlinrarepairfest & based on chapter 1 of my fic The Ingenuous

#bbcmrarepairweek23 #bbc merlin #sir mordred #bbcm daegal #daegal #mordred x daegal #morgal #merlinedit #viruscreates #edit #the ingenuous #shameless promo for my fic #awotc #fun story sometime late last year i was up at 3am writing for the fic this is for and i had my music on and it started playing random songs #well this song comes on and i just stopped writing halfway through because it just sounded exactly like what inwas writing #one of those good song to fanfic/ship moments and and yeah now it reminds me of this fic everytime i hear it #(also im still writing chap 2 and rewriting chap 1 so if anyone is interested i really really really recommend-#rereading chap 1 when i rewrite it (or you can just wait till i rewrite it and post it) because its 10x better than whats currently up 👍

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toytulini · 1 month

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if you draw enough monster ocs, when you go back to drawing a human character, it feels like "sameface syndrome" everytime, by virtue of their face being. human.

#toy txt post #or maybe i am just sameface syndrome #but also different face syndrome #two characters will have the same face but then the next time i draw those characters its a different face than they had last time!#i know part of it is being out of practice but also there is definitely an element of feeling constrained by human facial structure lmao #the monsters have Their Own Problems but like. no one has a face like bokrae no matter how inconsistent i am about drawing her #her features are iconic enough to her that you can tell everytime #birdie???? i faceclaimed eartha kitt for her and im still struggling cos i feel weird about faceclaiming as a concept #but even then 😭 one time i was trying to give headloose a face and someone was like wow he looks like birdie!#me 😭😭😭😭😭 what!!!!!! hes not supposed to!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i need to practice. features #you know the worst part about coming up w a bunch of fuckin Scenarios in my brain for ocs is that i have even fucking Drawn them yet #to give them like. iconic staple features and figure out what their faces look like. which feels like it would really help to have that #knowledge and muscle memory before i jump into trying to draw intense scenes with difficult poses!!#not to mention. listen. i can do the monster faces. somewhat. the bodies??????????? well for one. theyre too big everytime #im convinced i could be trying to draw bokrae on like a full ass wall size paper like a mural thing and run out of room. it just keeps #happening. i have no sense of scale for them either. by which i mean i struggle w scale already and also cant decide what i want it to be #and ive tried to handwave it away by being like ohhh uh. birdie casts spells on them to change their sizes for convenience but also #no. perhaps that explanation works for other ppl. @ myself tho its not good enough i Know Better!!!!!!#agh!!!!!!! i really need to figure out bokrae's Teeth also. like i dont. i coukd get away with it. but i should. and i want to.#anyway all this to say that i need to give these characters faces and body designs (actually the body designs for humanoid ocs is the easy #part. the faces are whats stumping me? well. i need more practice w all the body types again but like i Know what im Going For at least.#for the most part anyway. havent fully figured out heights. struggling w characters that i want to make short but give imposing tall energy #on occasion? birdie can be short all day long no problem. I want Alasdair to be short enough that he has a bunch of short boyfriends that #feel tall around him? bytte was going to be like 6ft max but then i thought about making her taller and like. what if i made her taller #headloose is not that /short/ but he is Not Tall and prolly pretty lean? twink build for sure #and of course all these short /tall distinctions come with a bias of relativity to my own height which i categorize as medium height #but short ppl call me tall and insist its not average and tall ppl call me short. (5'6) and then i have to factor in how the gender changes #the dynamic of a height like my height is Short For A Man but medium to tall for a Woman. which id argue is medium height bc mens heights #are socially held to high standards (hehe) and also i know ethnicity/race is also a factor? but im out of tags. rip. bye

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cult-of-dollbabies · 8 days

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@silvershewolf247 heard you had a crummy day yesterday and decided to finally doodle this inspired by your Not Out of The Woods AU and this one clip from a snapcube sonic dub

youtube

#everytime i see that clip i think of ur au with chuckyandy and glen lol #I hope your day today is better than the last. we love you ♡#+ i gotta say this guys eggman inspires a lil smidgen of my possessed andy unironically #think he gets to be a bit silly. as a treat #cults art

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lethesbeastie · 15 days

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I miss being able to do more than 3 things in a day.

There's something wrong with my body, with my brain. Something I haven't put a name to yet, though I've got hypothesis of what it might be. Something is plaguing my body, weighing down my limbs, my heart, my head.

Do you ever feel as if you live your life wading through water? Like you've been drowning for years, chained by your ankles to am impossible weight, struggling inch by inch across the open ocean floor?

Probably not.

I'm starting to realize the way I live is far from mundane, farther still from humane. I struggle to eat. Struggle to shower. To stop. To rest. Like a shark underwater, I swear on God it feels if I stop moving, I will drown.

I can't stop moving, can't sit still, can't escape the static that starts to stutter up my spine the moment i try. It hurts to sit more than it hurts to move, more than it hurts to grind my own joints into dust, chasing the slender phantom of nervous system regulation.

Stimming, I'd said. That's what the pacing is, that's why I have to stay on my feet from the moment I leave my bed, that's why I can't ever, ever sit still.

I'm not so sure about it now.

It hurts to sit still. Hurts to move. Hurts to think and think and think, to have ideas, to want to Make, but to be denied release by the exhaustion that plagues my body.

I'm tired. So tired. I am tired of feeling tired, of feeling both everything and nothing at all. Nervous system circuits short circuiting inside me, I'm impatient with my own exhaustion, desperate to do anything except to search for rest. No one has ever taught me how to rest.

There is something wrong with my body. Something I'm trying to name (something that the doctors will claim is nothing at all), something haunting me, parasitic in its nature, in its pupputeering of my aching, shaking hands.

I want it to get better. Want to stop feeling half dead and less than alive when I rise to greet a day that's almost over. Want to stop seeing the disappointment in my mother's eyes when once again, I cannot gather myself into some semblance of humanity long enough to do the god damned dishes.

I'm trying to fix this mom, I promise. Thank you for doing the dishes for me. I'm sorry I can't get better fast enough. Yeah, I'm tired of my bullshit too.

#beastiebites #The Beast Speaks #woke up this morning in immense pain and couldn't sleep at all last night #took meds and passed out and felt better #but seems the dopamine low has struck again #so heres a poem about realizing youve got another nameless chronic illness that youll have to fight the doctors to diagnose #learning that apparently me almost passing out everytime i stand up after squatting down is probably a bad sign #last time i brought it up to a doctor they said i had insuline resistance (i didnt) and basically caused what im starting to recognize #as an eating disorder #so adding that to the list right next to EDS of things i need to start accomodating to try and give myself a better quality of life #sorry for being less than cheerful on main but like #i want to be open? about the things that happen to me?#cause theres a chance that someone else will connect with what im saying. theres a chance itll make them feel less alone #so heres to us. chronic pain havers. the people who get dizzy when they try to stand. the people who cant sit still becaude it hurts.#i see you. i know what its like. youre not alone.#youre not alone. i promise youre not alone.#poetry #artists on tumblr #writers on tumblr #poets on tumblr

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arinmoss · 6 months

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i think i like drawing bg3 fanart cause im quite litcherally just redrawing screenshots. like the refs are already there i dont gotta be creative just gotta draw what i see lmao

#which is funny cause sometimes thats like the last thing i want and i only want to draw from my mind #idk idk i just have different moods for art ya know #sometimes trying to get something to look like someone is v annoying but im better at that than Stylizing things to look like them ya know?#but also sometimes im not idk idk man lol #sometimes all i want to do is change the characters look #like with my mikus i draw her a lil different everytime lol #and its fun!

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this-should-do · 1 month

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venting dont mind me xp ✌

#if i dont get out of my parents house im going to die #either by my hand or my mothers #i refuse to be forced into the role of woman becuz my mother cant get over herself or accept other peoples suffering #so i either leave or i die #i am never more depressed than when im in this house and it gets worse everytime i return #every second of oeace is a facade careful held up by smiles and jokes while ignoring who i am to please others #and ignorjng the genuinely genocidal beliefs of my parents against myltple peoples #at least one of which includes me #why cant life be easy #when is it .y turn to tbrive #in this hluse i am no older than a middle schooler no more mature or happy #everyday i dream of relapsing sh-ing just for some control of the pain i experiemce something anything #maybe someone will finally listen to me and se ehow ioset i am see how smothered i am and the sting will pull me back down to earth again #but no who would see would understand #my brothers or my parents none of them would kniw why even if i said it to thwir face #i dint event even want to think of what my mother woukd say #shed use it as an excuse to further deny my transness surely #say how horribke and spirtful and manipulative i am against her #that i ddi it to hurt her #i am trapped as a doll in a house only allowed to be agreeable no politics no emotions other tan #contentness and love and adoration for my family #or else i am unloveavle and horrible and sick #i cannot tell my mom she has uoset me becuz it would be unfair i am silent instead #i am to take her anger and rage as a perfect recepticle and no matter how well i handle it #i am thanked with resentment amd scorn amd terfisms #i can neither disagree woth her beliefs nor avoid discussing them to keeo the oeace all she wants is comoliance #i refuse to do that tho ill take hee scorn on that one thing i refuse to xomprimise my beliefs verbally to save my own skin #ill just be quiet #im sure id be a better recepticle for her dead so she can dress me up as a girl one last time #the dead cant argue or disagree with you its everything she wants from me

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lynaferns · 8 months

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School is draining any small motivation I had for art

or creativity in general

(tw: I got pretty much depressive in the tags but I needed to dump this somewhere and this may not be the best place but is where I feel better talking about my problems or insecurities, so feel free to ignore)

#vent in the tags #tw vent #i'm tired #and I hate that I'm tired #everytime I try to finish education is worst than the last time. my head can't take any sort of information from the class #no matter how many times they try to explain me or how many times I read and reread the same text #I can't focus. I can't memorize anything. I'm just sitting there in the classroom waiting for the 4 hours to finish to go back home #and spend the rest of the night just doing nothing. staring at the walls or doomscrolling till I have to go to bed and wake up again #for another day of fighting against an stupid anxiety attack in class because I'm going to fail this again #I hate school. I fucking hate it. the most boring stressing overwhelming way of learning #having the teacher talk for 1-2 hours straight and the student listening the whole time not saying anything is stupid #it's so fucking stupid they only want them to be mindless sheeps that only listen #because if you say anything 'no. you're wrong. I'm the teacher and I know better' fucking bullshit #this system is bullshit #and how am I supposed to study a whole school year of history. biology. math etc in less than 4 months??#everybody was like #'oh it's just 4 months and you'll be out of school!' 'in 4 months you'll get the education!' 'you can finish this in just 4 months!'#I fucking can't! I can't do this in such short time! I can't. focus. on 6. subjects at the same time. my brain can't!#and it's so fucking depressing. I have 4 opportunities to finish this. the longest it could take me is 2 years #I could just focus on 1 or 2 things each time but if I fail too many times I won't have another opportunity like this ever again #and I won't be able to finish highschool education and I. just. can't.#I'm tired of giving my biggest effort and not being enough. I'm tired of getting no satisfaction from any achievement I get #I hate so many things right now #and I have a lot more things in my head right now but I better shut up #you don't have to comfort me. it's ok. I'm not searching for confort. I just needed a place to dump my frustration or something #idk #you can ignore this #I might delete this later

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ivystitches · 1 year

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this season of ted lasso is making me very happy with the roy and jamie interactions

#roy being the one to spot everytime jamie is upset #roy offering to train him to be better than zava #the fucking empathy scene from last time around #I love it so much I couldn't have asked for more #I cant wait to see the next episode #ted lasso #ted lasso spoilers

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hi-land · 1 year

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little update if u care in the tags lol

#so i decided to build my own pc and that was the dumbest but most rewarding decision ive ever made #it was time because my prebuilt from before was slowing degrading #and i realized i only had like 16gb of ram lmao #so no wonder transferring my mods folder around took ages #also blender was doing backflips everytime i was animating things #so yeah it was definitely time #only negative is that i got a faulty aio cooler and have to return it #and why are they on back order now 😐#like i fr bought the last one ig #so well see how long that takes #but i think it was a sign cause i had gotten non rgb #and now i can just get an rgb one #and it works out #so yeah give me some time to fix all this #my new pc already works 100x better than my prebuilt #im so excited to see how games run on it #but yeah exciting things #i will be back soon !!#nonsims #kinda idk #also HUGE HUGE thank you to all of my supporters #both financially and just on here #you guys keep me motivated to keep creating snd learning #and ofc pay my rent and buy a new pc #i love you all so much

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akkpipitphattana · 5 months

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i think kids should have way more of a say in custody battles btw

#like obvs if they literally can’t speak for themselves but even if they’re only like five or six they’re voice matters #and yes if there’s like definitive proof that the parent they choose is hurting them/an unfit parent that sucks #but kids are also so much smarter than people give them credit for #i’m so pissed off rn bc my brother is getting divorced and his ex is a manipulative bitch that has such control over him #she’s convinced him to go 50/50 with her having placement and it’s such BULLSHIT because shes an awful mother #she’s put hands on her kid before and she lives with her parents who are constantly yelling at him #not to mention she has two other kids shes fucked up and one doesn’t even talk to her #and my brother isn’t the best dad but he’s way better when she’s not around #and he also lives with us rn so the kid at least has me and my parents who care and have patience with him #and it’s just pissing me off bc everytime my nephew leaves here he throws a fit bc he doesn’t wanna fucking see his mom #and he’s just allowing her to make the fucking decisions. he’s not standing up for his kid at all #and it’s not like i don’t have sympathy for the fact that she’s clearly manipulating him but #BUT SHE HAD HIM ADMITTED LAST NIGHT AND THIS MORNING HES SINGING HER PRAISES #i’m just so pissed. i want better for my nephew #he deserves so much better than this #liz rambles

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kellystar321 · 1 year

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#periodical life updates #lets hope this one goes better than the last one </3 #anyway hi everyone. im in an entirely different timezone during this trip so its actually mid afternoon right now #thats not what this is about though this is about how im EXCITED FOR ARTFIGHT AS USUAL!!! lemmy posted his s/is and theyre so cute <3 #also the theme reveal is coming on the 23! i hope its enough time for the theme templates? i love doing the theme templates with everyone :#this'll be my seventh year participating holy sht!! ive been doing this for seven (7) years!!!!!!!!#ive been feeling like ive been improving in art every artfight but idk how i'll fare this year. i feel like ive been a bit stagnant #and i did some PRETTY KILLER PIECES LAST YEAR;;; who knows if i'll top it; especially with summer college classes UGH #miserable about that btw. college my beloathed forever and ever amen. :/ ive been meaning to fix a few characters profiles and add some too #FINALLY going to separate kelly and jace! kelly is now the bureau of balance halfling only <3 ive been redrawing a new design of her :>#she has cute pointed ears now heho!! and actual more fantasy-esque clothes to fit her universe <3 jace is getting a separate profile!#jace is now solely my sona and i look SO much more gender now with the haircut and i can post my refs <33 #i also want to post agent and icarus and all the javelins but that means i have to draw them actually hfjkh <33 #i should also actually add something to shen's profile hfkjfh i care more about xer worldbuilding than xer character i feel </3 #IVE BEEN MEANING TO GET QUEUE BACK UP but everytime i look at my drafts i feel so tired </3 theres ART i want to reblog!!!#ough. some other time. okay! im gonna get my artfight discord channel back up and running for the new artfight season! let's go let's go!#oh and i'll be sure to announce which team im joining obviously hdjfdh it'll probably be the lighthearted one <3 #some of the themes this year are a little off? (stars vs nebula? heart vs soul? arent those the same thing?) but im hoping for the best <3 #okay frfr going now! hope for queue soon maybe if i have time/energy! working on artfight! lets goooooo!! <3

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nomaishuttle · 8 months

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MY HAIR IS SO SOFT !!!! mutuals come feel my hair

#WORSTTT part abt bejng alone up here is when my hair is soft i cant judt go to my sibling and say Feel how soft my hair is #which i did Everytime i showered. bc legit everytime i showrr i forget it makes me feel clean and i forget that when my hair is clean its #very soft . but legit everytime id go to my sibling and say Feel . and everytime theyd go oh my god its so soft :0 as if we had never had #that interaction before #BASICALLY i say all this to say if i ever meet any of you on purpose (which i am not planning to no offense but last timeni met a tumblr #mutual irl.... LMAOOO. anyways)#but if we do ever meet up irl 1. hope it goes better than That bullshit 2. you can feel my hair as long as you sy Wow its so soft

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ruckis--rookie · 2 years

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Ey might take a few day hiatus. If I've been quiet I've come down with sumn that's got me basically bedridden, but the good news is that I'm sweaty and according to Clawdy that means I'm finally starting to break my fever.

#ruckis borks #which is impressive it's been less than 24 hours #considering how bad I was at the start I'm doing a lot better #like I got deadly cold even when I was under a winter blanket on a cool summer night #legit severe chills. my hands and feet were also going numb #i blame my panicked crying because of how badly I was hurting #granted my head still feels like its gonna explode because of how tight my temples are from the headache #and I'm never fucking taking alieve again cuz im p sure it fucked with my kidneys #but compared to last night im still better off #im exhausted tho the pains gjven me a bit unrest under my eyes look so dark rn #hense why I need the rest im so fatigued rn #i really gotta stop bragging about my high immune system I get severely sick everytime I do lmao #then again I only get sick every few years #those few years are definitely up so #yayyyy kidney and sinus infection at the same tiiime #at least thats what I'm assuming it is

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howabhwmwn · 2 years

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If my endo mentions my weight gain next monday i dont think ill survive

#how to tell your endocrinologist that everytime you see him you starve yourself for a week beforehand #because its better than him bringing up your weight #how do you subtly convey that youve struggled with disordered eating since you were 15 #and how do you tell him without seeming like a liar that you think youd actually wouldve been eating healthier #if it wasnt for the stress of seeing an endo who expects you to loose weight #uhm #tw ed #i think?#i got down 5kg when i last saw him but now this progress is gone again #worst is they make me step on a scale with clothes on. with shoes on. it kills me #the worst thing is i do like my body rn #and id like to just go with it and not focus on loosing weight #everytime i focus on loosing weight i hyperfocus #i hate starvation headaches the most #i hate being an overweight pwrson with these issues #i cant even tell anyone #its embarrassing

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