#everytime i start thinking trash about my work someone @s me | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

peeterparkr · 4 years ago

Text

The Holiday.|Tom Holland

chapter one: The Prince and the Pauper. (Pauper.)

↳ read Sophia’s version here and a little bit of Tom. (Tim fic)

So, the christmas series is finally here! This is a 2 fics in one, meaning I’ll write Tom’s fic and @jambrosemc will write a Tim Chalamet fic, if you’re not familiar with the concept, it’s based on the movie The Holiday, where two women after being heartbroken switch their homes and lives for a bit. Both fics are reader insert, however Emma’s character will be named Sophia in this fic and my character will be named Iris in her fic. Remember the fics are connected and that Tom’s introduction is held in @jambrosemc ‘s fic. And so Tim’s introduction is here. Hope it’s not complicated and we hope you love it.

STORY SUMMARY: Two women troubled with guy-problems, one who’s in love with love and one who doesn’t believe in it are both suffering from a broken heart, with little reasoning and nothing left to lose, they swap homes in each other's countries for the holidays, where they’ll meet a local guy who will probably change their destiny.

chapter summary: The heartbreak of an unrequited lover. pairing: tom holland x y/n | warnings: Chad, mentions of sex, alcohol, mentions of cheating. word count: 7.2k

story masterlist.

next chapter

wanna be tagged?

There is something unequivocally known about love, everything that’s been said about it, is almost true. We’ve been bombarded with love songs, romantic comedies, romance novels, poetry, it’s everywhere. There can never be enough love songs, because no matter how incredible it never seems to be the same, you’ll never see two pieces that are identical, some of them are similar, of course, but they all speak from a very deep side of Love. Love isn’t one thing that is written down, not an exact science. There’s no right formula to whatever love is. But every single thing written about love might be true, at least to someone. Love is something so personal and yet we can all relate to it, but then again there’s never two loves that will feel the same. There can be two love stories starting at the same time but you’ll never feel like it’s the same. But everytime someone dares to write or speak or sing about love, it’s most likely to be true. Or so you’ve learned throughout the years.

In Romeo and Juliet, Romeo asked himself ‘Did my heart love till now?’, and there's common sense to it, we’ve all felt that…We’ve all wondered if you’ve known love before you met the one. You believed you had, you thought you had it all figured out. How much can one learn about love? We’ve all felt it. At some point, or another. You had. It’s incredibly easy to understand that though love is unique in its own sense, love is universal.

You did believe that everything concerning love was true. Shakespeare also said, "Journeys end when lovers meet."

Was it true? You loved to rely on that thought, that we were meant to travel until we found the one. That two people are destined to meet in the middle and start a new one together.

You loved to think about love more than anyone did, you were hopeless. It’s incredibly complex, and subtle and it’s got the power to change someone, and a story, completely. Love is not easy.

Love is also blind, you, perfectly, knew about that. It was smart to know that you’d been blinded yourself.

Love fades. Love is lost. Love is complicated. Love can be something eternal, or love can only last for a night.

Then, there was the one love you knew, the one you’d been living for a while. Unrequited love. No one really talks about that one. All love stories rely on the fact that the two lovers will end up together. But the unrequited love? No, no one dares to write about it. Maybe because they’re too sad in their sorrow to even think of that. You always wondered what would be of that story if someone ever dared to write it. And what’s the destiny awaiting for them?

Always the bad luck, the ones with the blinded reason, but always foreign to that one feeling of joy. Always wounded, and always left when the sun is out. The handicapped of hearts.

You were one, you were one of them, the one who is in love with that one guy who never dares to love back.

It gets even worse around the Holidays, everyone speaks of it. It’s everywhere. You go to the mall and see people buying gifts for their significant others, you turn the TV on and there’s the usual bad romantic films that you ended up watching, always the same, the girl goes from the big city back to her old town and her high school sweetheart is in love with her still, all while there’s an angel or Santa Claus, or whatever they come up this time, and she finds herself falling back in love with her old town, and she’s a painter or whatever and she lets go her dream of the big city to go back to her pathetic love interest.

Yet you always watched them, curled up in front of your TV with the candy that you were supposed to give out on Halloween but instead kept them for Christmas.

That was you, a hopeless romantic who was desperate for love.

You were there, wrapping a delicate christmas present that probably was not wanted but that you were too blinded and too stupid to see that. Also trying to wrap your own mind whether you’d give this out or not.

You were pathetic, and there he was in all his splendor. Chad.

Of course, maybe that’s what you get for being in love with a man named Chad, but he didn’t live up to his name. He was handsome, and incredibly perfect, and you were always so mesmerized by him. You had been in love with him for three years now, three miserable years. And honestly it’s been the worst years of your life, worst birthday, christmases, Halloween, New Years Eve’s that needed wine and Xanax. The biggest curse. All because you’re in love with a man who’s never and will never ever love you back.

He probably wasn’t conventionally good looking, not for most girls around anyway, but he had a confidence and a sly sexuality that could get you to your knees in the blink of an eye.

“Y/N, dear, please tell me you’re not deeply lost looking at Chad?” Angela, your coworker and probably closest thing to a friend asked.

“What?” You were snapped out of your trance. “No, no!” Though you had been.

The holidays party at the newspaper you worked at. You wrote the only good news, you’d say, the column of UNIONS, when you described marriages and gave the couples a little bit of spotlight to their recent and new found joy. You wanted to write way more than that, honestly, but you didn’t mind. Though you knew you were probably wasted potential. Potential, everyone said you had it.

“I thought that was over,” Angela pointed out.

“It is! It is—“You tried to say. “It—is, mostly.”

Angela rolled her eyes, “thought so,” she snapped. “What even was the deal with you two? You used to fuck him right?”

“I—“you coughed. “Yeah, I used to sleep with him, but more importantly I was in love with him.”

Still were, for that matter.

“Oh, great, and then—you discovered he was fucking that other girl in accounting, Denise.”

“Yes, I did find out and hence why I stopped… sleeping with him,” you whispered, embarrassed. “And I don’t want to talk about this at the party.”

“But like I always see you two together, so he cheats on you and you keep being friends with him?” Angela pushed to your own disarray. “Plus, I’m like 300% sure you’re the one who writes the articles for him, he hasn’t one ounce of talent and you do.”

You did write his stuff. But couldn’t get anywhere yourself.

“I well-”

“And he cheated, y/n.”

“Yes but he didn’t cheat, you see in his mind we weren’t in a relationship and we were in mine… but like—“

“So if you’re not in a relationship that means you have to expect he’s going to fuck other women?” She pointed out.

“I—“ you didn’t know what to say. “No, no, I mean—but I was so in love with him, but—“Somehow this had opened a gate that you hadn’t opened in a while. “Wait—No, no I can’t cry,” you said to yourself feeling like there was going to be a cascade pooling your eyes. “Does it look like I’m crying?”

“Y/n, maybe—Look,” she wiped off a tear, I—“She coughed. “Did he ever say he loved you?”

“I—yes, three times.” You had counted them. “When I reminded him of that he said it must've been a question and it most certainly was not.”

“You see y/n, when you catch a man fucking another woman you’re not supposed to remain friends with him, you’re supposed to make a scene, threaten to chop off his dick, throw things at him, like I did with your brother.”

You rolled your eyes, “Tim didn’t cheat on you,” you said. “You slept with him once, didn’t talk to each other for like a month and he found someone else and you made a scene.”

You knew your brother was many things but he wasn’t a cheater, he was not a bad person. Tim was someone with enough confidence to know what he wanted and sure, he did find a one night love with strangers every now and then, but he wasn’t a bad person. He probably was too confused. He’s the typical man who is afraid of commitment and has no follow through.

He never fell in love, that wasn’t his thing. The opposite of you, who fell in love deeply. Tim never—wanted any commitment. He could have a one night stand and never follow through.

“But—you see that’s what you’re supposed to do,” Angela continued.

“But I’m not doing anything, we just—text,” you admitted with pity, “and sometimes we FaceTime but like that’s it, and we’ve gone out for lunch and look, he says we’d be idiots to give up our friendship but—“You couldn’t continue.

“Fucking men, they’re trash, all of them, he’s got you right where he wants you, who wouldn't want a fantastic girl like you in love with him ... hanging on his every word …?” She asked. “Chad knows anytime he wants to crawl back …”

“And he is… Look, today he—he said we should go out and he gave me a Christmas present.”

“Which was?”

“A set of lingerie but—“

“Oh my god y/n,” she snapped. “I can’t believe how pathetic you are.”

“Is it pathetic really? To think the world is near perfection every time I’m with him?”

Angela rolled her eyes. “Very. It’s...Chad.”

“I… is it wrong, really? I just want to be loved.”

“And you chose Chad?”

Before you could say anything, your boss called out. “Everybody gather around. I have an important announcement to make,” your boss said. “First of all you, I want to wish each and every one of you a Merry Christmas. It’s been a year, hasn’t it? I’m proud of what we’ve accomplished,”he kept rambling on their achievements or whatsoever they had done throughout the year, you couldn’t care less. “Given that, we may be able to get by with a smaller announcement—Which involves y/n—y/n? Are you there?”

Angela raised your hand.

“Well y/n your column on weddings has been lovely,” he said.

Was it though?

“And—Well, a wedding was privately announced earlier, and I don’t think any other paper in town knows about it and I want you to be the first to report on this particular union, as it is between two of our most esteemed colleagues got hitched! Bring a loud cheer for Chad Bloom and Denise Higgins!”

Boom.

It all felt...no.

You tried desperately not to cry. Everyone could see you there. Were you dreaming? This was a nightmare.

You didn’t know how you got the guts to get out of that office without crying. You’ve never felt braver before, but you had to give the politest of smiles to Chad and everyone around to then proceed to get your coat and head home. How pathetic did you look in your car crying to a guy who definitely was going to do that.

This felt like a nightmare. The love of your life was engaged. And you couldn’t do anything about it. Because you didn’t believe in multiple loves, only one, love wouldn’t come again and knock on your door. This was it, you were destined to be lonely and stay lonely. This was your very worst nightmare, all that time wasted upon and there was nothing you could do about it.

It hurt, your heart was wrenched. You’d open the Halloween candy sooner, and you’d bought ice cream, three pints of ice cream.

Just a week before he had given you the set of lingerie and said he was eager to see you wearing it. Honestly, you had lied to Angela. You had seen him a couple of times, and sooner or later you’d end up in between the sheets because you had absolutely no self control when it came to him. He knew how to press your buttons and where to touch you and he’d try to charm you each time and you’d end up falling for it. He’d say that he’d changed and that he always believed in you.

Honestly, you always fell for it because you thought you were both destined to be in love.

But now it was all gone, you’d lost him. He was going to marry someone else.

This probably was the lowest point in your life, it really was. Because it was so stupid to fall in love with someone who was just going to step on you, and you needed someone. Time was passing by, it was getting darker and night was only drowning you more. You needed someone to talk to, who’d listen. But someone who wouldn’t judge you just as bad or who couldn’t judge you as bad.

You were getting tired of crying but you couldn’t help it. You felt insignificant and as small as humanly possible. So very crushed.

You called your brother, because though he probably would judge you, and he’d probably not care, he was kind of forced to listen because you were relatives and you did help him from time to time. Lately more than you wanted to.

“Y/N—?” Tim answered, and you could hear there was music playing behind him. Of course he’d be awake in the middle of the night. He probably was out clubbing.

“Tim—I need—I’m not okay,” you admitted.

“Y/N I can’t really—“he laughed in between. “Hear you.”

“Chad is engaged!” You said louder.

He laughed. “Chad, what a stupid name.”

“Tim I’m serious!” She stated.

“How serious can this be his name is Chad!” Tim giggled. He was clearly drunk.

“Tim! I—He’s engaged I—I can’t believe it just a week ago he said he—“

“We’ve both known Chad is an asshole y/n, his name is Chad for fuck’s sake,” Tim pushed. “We both—I thought you were over him.”

“I… well.”

“Fuckin’ hell, y/n.”

“I’m never gonna love again,” you stated.

He scoffed. “Love doesn’t exist, y/n,” he stated. “Not for someone named Chad.”

“Stop.”

“He—“Tim sighed. “Look, we both knew he was an idiot, and we both knew he was going to break your heart and—He already had! May I remind you of that? He cheated on you!” He stated. “He is an asshole who doesn’t deserve any of your tears and I’m a hundred percent sure you are crying.”

You were, for that matter. Love for you was also always shedding tears.Sad tears. Love hurts. “I love him.”

“And I love this vodka on my hand,” he stated. “That—means nothing, okay?”

“You’ve never been in love,” she snapped. “You don’t know how it feels to have your love taken away—“

“Don’t go there, y/n.”

“I—I just—I can’t—“

“Y/N you need a break,” Tim said without really caring. “I’ll call you back later alright? I’m busy.”

A break.

Yes, that’s exactly what you needed. A break from your stupid and pathetic life, a break from your little fantasy. A break from Chad. Honestly, you were tired of it. Always having the worst of luck. You needed a break from men, though you barely had… Being completely honest, it only takes one man to lose faith in humanity. They hold that power.

You knew what love was and well, you’d never have it. You were destined to be the side character, the best friend and the one plot device. Not relevant.

Because honestly how stupid were you.

But was it really so bad to feel that way? To long for love, for someone who would run to you, and whom you could fall so deeply with. Guess now you had to build up walls. Because now you couldn’t get nobody else to hurt you again, nobody was worth this pain. Nobody should ever feel this way. You never wanted to let anyone hurt you again.

Honestly, you so needed a break. But where and how?

You couldn’t stay in your place, it held too many memories, lots of them of you being stupid with Chad because you were such an idiot for letting him in your house and corrupt your place. You needed a break because everything would remind you of him, your car, his car, his house, this town, everything. Also your place was too sad.

You could go away. You had to, because you couldn’t let yourself drown in more sorrow. You were so unbelievably tired of it.

You had to go. Away from him, away from this place and your stupid house. Hell, if you could, you’d go to another country.

You rang Timmy again.

“What- y/n?”

“Where should I go?”

“What?”

“Yes on vacation,” you added.

“How do I-I don’t know, fuck it eh, oh wherever they speak English, bye.” He hung up on you again.

Where did they speak English?

England, of course.

Hell, maybe that’s why Chad didn’t love you, you were stupid, probably. England. London. You’d always wanted to go there. Anywhere really, but you never went anywhere because you were still waiting on Chad. Jesus, how much time did you spend wasting on that man?

England.

You opened up your laptop, ready for it. You needed to get away and not waste the holidays watching old and bad Hallmark movies eating ice cream by yourself. Or maybe yes, just far away from your own house.

Airbnb.

You went straight to London, it always seemed like a dream, besides it could work. And you scrolled through houses, big ones, small ones.

Then you found one. ‘Cozy, lovely place above a bookshop’. It did call your mind, it gave the idea of a perfect fantasy, it seemed nice enough.

And far, very far. And so different from whatever her fantasy with Chad had been, what was his thing? Island in the Caribbean.

You kept reading.

“In the other direction, the Bayswater Road will take you to Notting Hill (location of the Julia Roberts/ Hugh Grant film of the same name) and its fantastic local restaurants and bars, boutique shops, and the famous Portobello Road Market.”

That caught your mind. It seemed… perfect but to live with that fantasy of yours to live in a stupid romcom. Could it be?

No, no. You had to go in with the idea that no matter how romantic, you had bad luck and not even such a romantic place would make you have someone to love. You were really supposed to be always lonely. But the idea… of leaving did thrill you.

You didn’t think much of it, but the next morning, you still had that thought roaming in your mind, and eventually… you tried to reach out. It had closed, however. But you had saved the ad.

Sophia.

That was her name.

Hey! I’m interested in your house! That seemed too weird. Besides she had closed it.

You decided to reach out anyway.

“Hey, I was interested in your house! I don’t know if someone else rented it but I thought it was worth the shot. Is it still available? I’m sorry if it’s not. I just really liked your place! It’s okay if it’s not! Sorry! Thank you!” You sent it in. Wondering if you’d apologized just enough times.

You knew she’d probably not respond.

“Oh, sorry! I was renting it because I was planning to go on holiday with my boyfriend but plans changed. We broke up recently so I won’t be going anymore,” she answered. That had been quick. Lucky she was online but the place was no longer available.

This was your bad luck only. Of course she wasn’t going to rent it. The dream seemed too far away. But… she had just broken up, she probably was feeling awful.

“Oh, I’m sorry! why did you break up with him?” You asked.

Then read again what you’d just asked. What was wrong with you? This was a stranger. They didn’t need to give any explanation.

“I’m sorry you don’t have to answer that. I don’t know why I asked.” You added.

She was typing. “No, don’t worry! I guess it’s pretty complicated but long story short, he cheated on me.”

Been there, you thought to yourself. But probably at least most likely she was dating him and they were in a relationship not like you with your stupid “whatsoevership” with Chad.

“Men are trash,” you texted her.

“To say the least,” she answered.

You bit your lip. You knew you had to open up to. Well you didn’t have to, but you… felt the need to.

“I’m really sorry, I know how it feels. I was actually looking at your place to escape from a man myself. The love of my life, Chad, just got engaged.”

As soon as you sent it you saw how stupid you looked. You were absolutely pathetic.

“Chad?” Sophia asked.

You chuckled. You could see the smirk from the other side.

“I know. It’s my fault for falling in love with a Chad. Lives up to his stupid name.” Was your response.

It honestly was. But thought it seemed fun to poke on his name, it really didn’t occur to you that it was because of his name that he was an asshole, don’t blame it on a name.

“Well, I’m sorry that “Chad” had to be the love of your life. It sounds like we both need to get away.” Sophia sent.

Yes, you too were sorry.

“Definitely, but I’m gonna keep looking. I need to be at least 500 miles away from him.”

You really were going to keep looking, maybe not as perfect as the place Sophia had but at least go away.

“Maybe we could work something out?” Sophia asked.

Huh.

You grinned before chuckling. “Let’s switch lives like in The Parent Trap, although we’re not twins we’d be switching breakup lives.”

That would be a fun idea, impossible of course but you secretly hoped it could be done.

“Sounds interesting! Where are you from?” She asked.

Was she really up for it or was she just like you? Bored and alone enough to be talking to a stranger you’d met over Airbnb. Some people do tinder, but guessed you did Airbnb to make friends with other women who’d fallen under the sorrow that is falling in love with men.

“Astoria, Oregon. Pretty boring compared to London I guess.” Was your answer. Of course if she was remotely interested on switching before, all hopes would flush now.

“Not at all! All I care is that it’s far from here.” Sophia answered.

Was… it for real?

“Me too.”

You answered in hopes, but not really she’d back away.

“So, should we switch?” She asked.

You stared at the screen, not believing it. You had to make sure. “You’re serious? My place is nothing like yours.”

“Surely it’s not too horrible.”

It wasn’t, honestly. It was pretty. But not exciting, it was only normal. It was clean, it was full of books.

“I have a kitchen, bedroom, bathroom, living room. That's it. And I’m not near a romantic location like yours. I do have a dog, though.”

You didn’t know why you were sabotaging yourself. Matter of habits, maybe.

She didn’t.. Back away. “That’s perfect, I want far away from romance.”

So weird, you wanted to go near something romantic to be reminded love exists, or whatever. You didn’t understand why. Honestly, it probably was only a way to cope with this.

“Well, this is your chance.”

Honestly, this place was everything but romantic.

“Can I ask you one thing?” She asked.

She was going to back away. “Sure.”

“Are there any men in your town?” She asked.

Well, there goes your chance. You had to be honest about it. “Honestly? Zero.”

You waited for the ‘not interested' answer, instead she gave you: “When can I come?”

You scoffed with delight, not believing it. “Tomorrow too soon?” You asked, half-joking only. Honestly, you had to get away now.

“Tomorrow’s perfect actually.”

You couldn’t believe it. “wait wait wait but like are you for real?”

“Absolutely, or would it be too crazy?”

It ws for that matter, but when you’re brokenhearted you have no common sense. You didn’t have one of your own, that is. But this was exciting and this seemed like an adventure. A great idea for the one book you’d promised yourself you’d end up writing one day, instead of writing every other article for Chad.

You thought about it, you really wanted to go through with it. “It is but I’m down for it, but like, okay do you want pics of my home or something so you don’t think I’m a creepy old man who might kidnap you?”

And that would bring less of suspicion, god, why were you like this?

“Umm, yes actually :) that would be great.”

Yeah, she’d say that.

“Okay, wait, want my phone number so we’re not talking over air bnb?”

“Yes, I feel like that might be better.”

What was going on? Why were you exchanging numbers with a girl who you had never met and who lived in a completely different country. Besides, it was even crazier to think you btoh were thinking about switching places. You were crazy, completely off reason. Yet you didn’t know how or why you ended up both texting more, and talking. Showing each other’s places and ranting about men.

You couldn’t blame her for not believing in love, of course she wouldn’t. The ne guy she gives her heart to cheated on her. You wouldn’t blame her, at all. Besides, it was just…

You both had a very different version of it, but it was… Different. Yes, different, you guessed there was no other way to put it into it.

The texting didn’t cease, it continued more than you ever thought it would. Because sometimes it’s easier to rant to a stranger about life and love’s misfortunes. It seemed incredibly stupid how you both were talking about men who decided to ruin your lives. How in this world had you ended up venting to a stranger?

Danny blamed it on her. Danny seemed like the typical male who wanted to have a girlfriend and well, there was Sophia. It seemed sad, seemed like they both settled for it. Not even Sophia seemed to talk about him with love. She was just so… Not into it. Just talking about someone who she used to share time with.

She had given up on it. You couldn’t understand that. If the one who wasn’t the one could make her happy at some point, how happy would she be with the one?

However, you both seemed very alike, and both of you probably were in the same situation. Well, of course, the cheating part was different. But you’d gone through it as well. But Sophia explained that Danny, her ex, hadn’t even felt sorry for cheating.

You knew that story like the palm of your hand. Chad well… He blamed it on you, too. And he had said it, he didn’t cheat.

And though the stories were so different, the feeling was the same, of wanting to take a break from your pain, from a heartache and being so damn unreasonable to think of this. Honestly, though the idea of London seemed romantic, you knew you’d end up curled up crying on the other side of the world.

Sophia seemed to be very well put together, she had her bookshop, which added to her life. And sure, she seemed like a workaholic but she seemed to be kind. Someone who had the guts to follow her dreams and someone who barely had time to think about love.

You wished you were a bit more like her. She seemed like a main character. Even her name was a main character one.

The texting, not sure how or when, turned into a facetime call, and there you were, facetiming with a stranger about the lack of love you’d been involved with. You pitied her, though. Not in a bad way, but in a way you could completely understand what she was going through. She seemed tough enough. But for her, love had rules. It had to be a certain way, and life had to have a certain balance and everything had to be merely perfect. But love for her was simple, the only rule was not to cheat.

Danny, her ex, had broken that rule. Which honestly, from what you’d gathered she was someone who actually tried. But… No, Sophia had seen him fade out. It always scared you to see that, to see how someone falls out of love. Sophia had seen it. But maybe Sophia’s belief, or lack of, of love was just… Surreal. But you understood it, not completely. But you did.

How could she believe in love when she’d never had it? Truly had it.

And she spoke of love as if it was a disease. Maybe it was, a disease. But was love really the disease or the aftermath the true one?

She didn’t believe in love. And not in a way that everyone has gone through, not in the way when you’re so brokenhearted that you don’t believe in it for a while. No, she didn’t want to give it a chance. For her, life was supposed to be about her success and her job, and the thrill of owning a bookshop.

Maybe she was the one who was right, after all you'd proved that love only could hurt. And how could you, after all of this, believe in it?

“So how long were you with him?” You asked her, as you were pacing around your kitchen, honestly you didn’t care if a complete stranger was seeing you in your ‘Chad reaction’, the bottle of wine, the chips, the cookies, your pj’s. Your pug dog, Tommy following you around.

Yet she was there, so elegantly, with her glass of wine. How was she handling it so well?

She gave it a thought. “About four years. What about you? How long have you loved Chad?” She smirked at the thought.

Four years. It seemed… enough. You rolled your eyes at the mention of his name. “Oh god it does sound super stupid,” you groaned. “But… Three stupid and miserable years, it’s a low point,” you said before finally opening up the wine and pouring a glass.

“No, it’s not stupid,” she answered. But it was, his name was Chad. “But, I can imagine how it would be a low point.”

Very, very low point. “But like you told me—He blamed it on you?” You couldn’t put your mind to it, at least Chad had accepted he’d slept with Denise. Of course, he didn’t say he cheated but he hadn’t… blamed it on you.

“He did,” she admitted. “He said I worked too much, and that I didn’t give him enough attention.”

You clenched your jaw, incredulous of how stupid he was. If you met the guy you’d probably slap him. “Fuck him, honestly, you’re successful bet he was intimidated by your success.” Because that’s how men work.

Sophia sighed. “Hmm, I doubt it. He just seemed… “ She paused. “bored of me.” You could see she was hurt. “I mean, he was right about one thing. I do spend most of my time at work, but that doesn’t give him any right to do that.”

“No. it doesn’t,” you agreed as you plopped on your couch, your dog jumping to your lap .” Why—Why are men—Like—”You didn’t know what you wanted to ask. “No, never mind that’s my question,” and it was. “Why are men?”

She let out a soft laugh. “Why are men indeed. More specifically, why is Chad?” She joked.

You laughed, too, with distress, running a hand through your face. “Ugh, don’t even mention him,” you whined. “He’s an asshole, can you imagine just a week ago he wanted to sleep with me?” You snaked with disbelief.

She groaned. “What I really have trouble understanding is why you ever wanted to sleep with him.” You had the question backwards, why had he ever looked at you? “Maybe his personality, but he seems like such a wad.”

You didn’t know how to answer the question. Then again, you had the same question for her. Why Danny? Why, being such an incredible woman, had she chosen Danny? Love is blind. You’d learned that over the years.

Maybe because ‘Danny and Sophia’ sounded like something with balance. But did it really? How could she see it so simply?

“Look—I—” You took a deep breath. “I believe in love at first sight,” and you did, in your own way. “and I don’t know, I guess—I saw the fantasy, you know?” You explained. “Thought we could—I don’t know, he was charming,” because he had been, at very first, he had been charming and he’d learned how to make you fall in love with him. “I guess I wanted that, you know the whole love story,” you sounded so childish and stupid but how could anyone ever apologize for being in love. “And he made me believe he could give it to me and then he just never—”You had to face the truth. “He only wanted sex and I fell in love,” it all ended so simply. Maybe Sophia was right all along. “Pathetic right?”

She watched you, and you saw it, the pity in her eyes. Yet someone else feeling sad for you. She probably did think you were pathetic. “No, I don’t think it’s pathetic… I think… well, I’ve come to the conclusion that love isn’t worth any cost,” she answered. “Not really, especially since it doesn’t even seem real.” You wondered again, how come she’d never felt it. “Love makes people get their hopes up. It makes us… give too much of ourselves to other people, when we don’t even know what our future with them looks like,” she explained. Yes you were probably a mental woman to her. “But I don’t think it’s pathetic that you wanted to believe in something that only seems to come from fairytales, I just think that’s what most people do.”

How bad is it to want a fairytale? “Love is worth it, though,” you said, because how come a beautiful feeling could carry so much pain. “It’s men who are the problem.”

She grinned, defeatedly. “Suppose you got me there…”

You had to ask though. “But you... like really don’t believe in love?” You asked. “Then why were you with Danny? Didn’t you love him?”

She grimaced and took a sip of her wine. “You know,” she paused to think a bit. “I thought I loved him, and I thought he loved me.” You understood that part, believing someone loves you back and then it turns out they didn’t… Well, it hurt. “But, I guess he just…”She probably didn’t understand it herself. “And it just made me realize that, even if love is real, it comes so rarely that I don't believe I would ever find it.” That you could understand, though you were so enthusiastic about the feeling, you knew you weren’t meant to find it. “I just don’t think most people do.” She watched you, curiously. “Why have you put so much into it if you were hurt?”

It was an escape, really. Love seemed to make people happy and you wanted to be happy. She reminded you so much of Tim, talking trash about love and not understanding the thrill for it. Being so done with the feeling.

“I think… I dunno, love isn’t a one time thing,” you started with that, because it was true. “I think the problem is I suffered from unrequited love, but I think I… I dunno, I think we get chances,” you said. “Not me though,” you scoffed. “but it’s… I don’t know, I think I’ve always read about love and I’ve always wanted that, and love is complicated, that’s it,” you said, because love could come in so many ways. “I don’t think you can easily-“You shook your head. “I mean I do believe in a sort of thing like love at first sight but I mean, I believe in second chances, but like not for everyone,” seemed like believed in second chances for Chad. “ I guess I… I think there is such a thing as love I’m just… “ you took a deep breath. “super unlucky and maybe that sweet fantasy of any Julia Roberts’ romcom isn’t for me, I’m destined to be a side character who gets no… attention.” Or love.

Sophia probably believed you were helpless. You were. “Oh, come on Iris, that’s not true,” it was easy for her to say. She was the main character. “I mean, if you do come here then you’ll have plenty of opportunity to live a Julia Roberts movie. People seem to find this place so thrilling…” Why wouldn’t they. “I don’t seem to know much about love, or to really be the one to talk to about it, though… “ She admitted truthfully. She gave it a thought. “You know, you should talk to my friend, Tom, if you come. I think you’d get along well, he gushes on about love all the time.”

Your dog raised its head as soon as he heard his name. Tom. You smiled and petted him. “It is thrilling I mean, it’s near Notting Hill,” you were excited. “I just need Hugh Grant and that’s it but…”You knew it wouldn’t come. “You might come here and hate on love with my brother, he hates everything related to it.”

He really did. Tim was even worse than her. Tim never, ever had believed in love. He said he didn’t want to bother about it, no commitment, not ever seeing someone twice because why would he? He said it was a waste of time. Shades of gray on love. And he said he didn’t want to risk just to get hurt. He said love was… a mystery he didn’t want to explore. He liked simple things.

“Really? He sounds better than most men already,” she commented.

You laughed. “He’s not.”

If you ever bumped into someone like your brother you’d end up running the other way.

She chuckled. “Aren’t siblings meant to support one another?”

You scoffed. “You’d think that,” you pointed out. “But no, he’s a man,” you stated clearly. “I don’t know who’s worse men who hate love or men who pretend to love love,” you snaked. Probably the second one. “Your friend is probably the second one.”

Men who don’t believe in love at least are direct about it, and the second type they know and try to hurt you.

She shook her head. “No, I don’t think so. He seems to really believe in it, maybe more than you. He’s really sweet, typically… “She said. “I mean, he is a man so he has his days”

You heard her…. And then you clicked it. Tom, that friend of hers, he probably was in love with her. “Oh,” you closed your eyes. “Of course…. so… Right, right,” she chuckled. “But you don’t believe in love and...Right, right,” you thought it was ironic. You hadn’t even met the guy but you could tell that he probably was so smitten with her and she didn’t see it. A perfect love story. Why couldn’t she see it? “Perfect setup, see?” You said. “This town is perfect for you, nothing that has to do with romance. It’s a great way to get away from everything romance.”

She seemed confused, because of course, she didn’t see it, she couldn’t, for that matter. But god, how did she not see it?

“Then I can’t wait to go, really,” she went along. “I mean, it seems perfect for you here, too. You can surround yourself in things to remember the “fantasy” of love again,” she offered. “So, are we really switching tomorrow?”

You couldn’t quite put your mind to it. It had been hours of you speaking with this stranger. And all because you wanted to change lives with a stranger. Were you actually going to go through with it? You wanted to.

“You think there are any flights?” You asked, half joking.

“I’m sure there have to be some. Should we check?” She offered.

You smirked and reached for your laptop, conveniently in front of you. “Definitely.”

You expected her to back up.

“Wonderful.” She hadn't. “How long are we doing this for?”

Forever? You wanted to say. “Uh, depends, holidays are coming soon… “ You pointed you. “So, even though I have no interest in spending Christmas here, what’s your idea?”

Because you didn’t want to spend Christmas with your family and hear that question, because you’d promised you’d bring Chad for Christmas. Why? You didn’t know. Because you were an idiot.

Sophia wrinkled her nose. “Nothing is really keeping me here for it, honestly.”

“I’m just-- you’re okay with dogs, right?” You asked as you pointed the camera at your puppy, honestly you had lied, Tommy was the love of your life. A young pug who loved to follow you around. “Because little Tommy here is going to miss me.”

She smiled at him. “I’d love to take care of… did you say…”She tried not to laugh. “l-little Tommy?”

You grinned as you hugged the dog close. “Yeah, his name is Tom. He’s the only male that matters.”

“Oh, I love that. I would love to trade Tom’s with you,” she chuckled.

Oh god, why didn’t she see it?

“As long as I don’t have to feed that one,” you chuckled.

“I do hope that you don’t have to, he seems somewhat capable of caring for himself,” she grinned. “Oh, by the way. He’ll be running my shop for me while I’m away, sometimes he stays later for work so if you hear him downstairs don’t worry.”

Of course he was, he was in love with her. You chuckled and then started to actually look for flights. “I probably won’t notice, honestly…” You scrolled through the flights and there was one. “Okay so here’s a flight, can you believe there’s actually one for tomorrow?”

She probably was looking for flights. “I found one too, shockingly enough… Are we really going through with this?”

Were you?

You were excited, scared but excited. “I think we are.”

“Well, alright then… “ She seemed to be rational yet.

“On three then….?” You asked, knowing this decision would probably change your entire life, not sure why. BUt you had a feeling that this was either the worst decision you’d ever made or the best one. This was the so-needed break you needed, you needed to breathe, and this was the perfect way to do so. Yes, this was unplanned and this was mysterious but this was what you needed an irrational decision.

“One…”She started.

“Two…”

“Three!” You said at the same time.

You’d bought the ticket. There was no going back now. You were going to London to a Stranger’s house for the Holidays.

sophia’s version <- REMEMBER TO READ TO KNOW WHAT’S UP WITH TOM.

story masterlist.

next chapter

wanna be tagged?

i’m gonna use the taglist for perennial please tell me if you don’t want to be tagged.

tag list @spidxrparkxr @mukesnugget @anxiousdesignerdancerbandlover @happywolves81 @happywolves81 @applenter @silver-winter-wolf @applenter @claredolphinbear24 @bookgirlunicorn @tomshufflepuff @avengersgirllorianna @nevertoofarfromivar @saintlavrents @herofiennestiffinashardinscott. @tomzfrog @dark-infernal-instruments @awkwardfangirl2014 @spideysimpossiblegirl @tomzfrog @xapham @xapham @xapham @tomhollandisagod @danicarosaline @laurfangirl424 @vintageroses1014516 @cinnamon-roll-peter @the-lost-fairy-tale @the-lost-fairy-tale @lala-florez @lala-florez @ilcveyou3000 @xxtomxo @socorroann @muffinmari25 @cassindeansass @rogers-obsessed-barnes-curious @southsidespideyy @nathaliabakes @nathaliabakes @nathaliabakes @embrace-themagic @bradfordbantams @sanniegirl1214 @softholand @softholand @fairytaleparker @underooling @griff1ndor @griff1ndor @thatweirdomimic @avengersgirllorianna @reginalaufeyson-holmes @better-daisy @yeahimcrying @allmonstersxarehuman @spider-manholland @itstaskeen @itstaskeen @georiaang @sebxstianbarnes @kissingtrutharchives @snoopy3000 @prettymessygurl @spideyparkerstark @fanfic-4-you @lexshead @officiallyunofficialperson @mannien @whitewolfandthefox @melodiclovesong @bizzlepotter @bizzlepotter @localfangirlx @acceptance07 @witchythingscore @witchythingscore @swaggyspiderman @localfangirlx @queengemsworld @liberty0123 @stiles-banshees @itsjusttor @stretchkingblog97 @annathesillyfriend @dangerousluv1 @tomshufflepuff @thewayilookatbacon @petersdiaries @emjaywrites @emjaywrites @infamousmany @jungeunave @forevermore-euphoria @ispiderdudei @ispiderdudei @literalfsngirltrash @quacksonhq @it-is-rebel-owl-ma-dudes @desir-ae @desir-ae @desir-ae @peterporkpie @peterporkpie @smolpeachees @thenoddingbunny-blog @quackeroos @spideyyeet @spideyyeet @astoldbydanid @astoldbydanid @hollandcreep @milly7110 @milly7110 @hollandcreep @rebekkah4766 @farfromtommy @rubberducky-jrr @oh-whatabeautiful-parker @coveredinthemessimade @shameless-self-promo-of-a-shrub @sweetiesangster @thatdamjoke @annathesillyfriend @l0ove-sick-blues @witchythingscore @witchythingscore @bookworm06 @bookworm06 @lala-florez @lala-florez @chaoticpete @shezzalocked @ @chaoticpete @lowkey-love-loki @cosmicholland @frenchfrostpudding @badbitchydecisions @w4ybefor3nir4na @americaswritings @uglypastels@ilovepeterparker13 @lukesbabylon @iamaunicorn4704 @iamaunicorn4704 @simple-things @simple-things @sip-portteam @herondale-snow-carstairs @t-holland2080 @tony-starks-ego @quaksonhehe0 @stargazerholland @marvelslut-musicalnerd @hotrubycrab @sovereignparker @peter-parker-tony-stank-trash @belleknows @mysticalinsomniac @nycparkers @nycparkers @anythingthaticareabout @spn-assemble-seven @tanyalooovesyou @somethingchaotic @heartofholland @peachybloomss @youcompletemesk @emyla3305 @emyla3305–butt @hollandstanevans @farfromtommy @farfromtommy @southbeachfeeling @eridanuswave @tonguetiedholland @wolvesofthewinter @quacksonobrien @dcnerd98 @ifntelyinspirit @electraheart-3174 @julialucena5 @itsmilamawson @harryssuckz @harryssuckz @xstarbae @xstarbae @xstarbae @peterbparkerrwrites @averyfosterthoughts @darethedragonknights @hannahholland1811 @justanamesstuff @emyla3305 @abbiefangirls247 @onewithnomightypowers @itscaminow @youllbemineandillbeyoursbabelove @hotrubycrab @spidey-holland-96 @awkwardnesshabitat @geminiparkers@primadonnasdream @slytherinambitious @maybecharming @where-art-thau-romeo @viagracex @viagracex @sspidermanss @pcterparxer @whatevshollandarchive @aleyabee @aleyabee @lovewolfspirit @viagracex @xallyouneedislovexx @panicattheeverywherekid @pcterparxer @thehauntingofmymind @redhoodparker @redhoodparker @cakepopcriss @allthisfortommy @aleyabee @perspectiveparker @let-me-luve-you @xxpeachyxo @m-a-r-i-n-t-p @superstarchick @notjustpenandpaper @morbiddanvers @runaway3 @runaway3 @runaway3 @lu-morningstar @th0ttie4tommy @riasaurusrex @riasaurusrex @frustratingpaperclip @readheadwriter @geesquariid @noxceleste @noxceleste @peterparker-rickybowen-mybabies @witchything @peterporkpie @bookworm06 @panicattheeverywherekid @imthefloor @ohmyquackson @seaveyheartful @wangtan-boys @obiwanownsmyass @sadisticfries @not-some-docile-teenager @galaxystern08 @lovemarvelousfics @tomzfrog @calsthomas @thearchersupremacy @nikitajackson @dayazenn @the-fandom-life-forever @just-kickin-ass @quaksonhehe @dummiesshort @samaratheweirdo @fr3akingphantrash

152 notes · View notes

0celesteisthebest0 · 1 year ago

Text

OKAY OKAY BUT THIS RIGHT HERE IS A LITERARY MASTERPIECE!!!!!

I say this as a person who doesn’t read a lot of Poe fics when I defintely should because SAM! your fic has changed my molecular composition! ITS JUST SO FUCKING GOOD AND YOU PUT SO MUCH LOVE INTO THIS PIECE AND AAAAAAAAAA <3

BUT AAAAAAAAAAAAAA( i feel so !!! sometimes because I just can’t describe how I feel about your work because it’s just so good but like the word good isn’t the word I wanna use to describe it because it’s like otherworldly amazing!)

ANYWAY! sorry for being a geek but I just love how you start off this piece with dialogue because it immediately draws everyone in and kinda sets up the things about Poe being a shameless womanizer (which we all love). It also has a fun game that makes us understand the relationship between them and there close bond!

I am going to be quoting so much parts of this fic and this line right here is just oh so scrumptious!

“Just a funny, kind idiot who once knocked himself out falling backwards off a repulsorcraft, who has decidedly uncool penchant vintage Felucian music, and who always tries his absolute hardest to do the right thing.”

I love that you incorporate this because YOU NAILED POE CHARACTERIZATION ON THE HEAD! He is a lovable guy who has so much stories and experiences and feelings that ultimately just wants the best for everyone! GOD SAM! it just so good it makes me want to chew the words on the screen (not in a weird way of course).

Also I love that Poe catches what reader means when Kip had fun and she... well. He just cares for her a lot and it just shows with the way he doesn’t want to drop the topic.

PFFFFT the way that he just calls Kip pathetic makes me chuckle a little. AH and the crescendo of the conversation, reader never experiencing an orgasm with someone else. OH! hes so sweet thought I love that he firmly eliminates the thought that something was wrong with reader that she couldn’t cum during sex.

Okay but Sam! DUDE, i really love the way you make these conversations they have so realistic, they shift from topic to topic, going back to something they wanted to expand on. It makes the next moment of Poe offering his help that much more important!

ok ok OKAY but i do have to add this I LOVE that I can hear Poe’s voice everytime he speaks AGAIN YOUR DIALOGUE AAAAAAAAAAAA

“Patient and unpatronizing, he’d been tireless as you trashed one simulation after another, never laughing at you, genuinely excited when you showed signs of progress.”

SIGHHH I love him because he’s never a dick when you can’t do something!

AA poor reader is already spiraling about the whole situation and I mean shit me too! POE is POE! like he is someone who definitely gets my anxiety up and going like no tomorrow.

AH I love the imagery that you paint in regards to a crash landing and the current emotions that are being felt right at Poe’s door.

“You left your socks here last week, again. I keep finding ‘em mixed in with mine. I go to put a pair on and can only fit half my foot in before I realize what’s happening.”

This made me giggle and it was a nice moment for reader to ease up but those nerves are killing her and he immediately picks it up I love it.

ACK MY HEART MY HEART OH!!! Reader tearing up and Poe immediately comforting her, easing the worries and telling the beauty he sees and it makes me weepy liKE STOPP I’M TEARING UP A BIT!

AAAAAAAAAA my heart aches because I am to the max on the yearning scale for Poe like he’s just so kind easing reader into this situation making everything slow and steady.

“You gotta talk to me,” he reminds you.”

OKAY BUT WHY IS THAT SO HOT! IT’S DEFINTELY BECAUSE OF THE CONTEXT RELATED TO IT BUT SHIT DUDE THIS IS SO FREAKING GOOD!!

GODDDDDD AND THEN HE SLOWLY EASES HIS FINGERS IN YOU! Making any anxieties leave you especially the comment of being so wet for him and then TELLING YOU TO STOP THINKING FOR ONCE GOODNESS!

OH OH AND HIM SAYING IT”S NOT ABOUT HIM!! POE YOU ARE SUCH A GENT I LOVE HIM SO MUCH but also (( sir please let me suck your dick, thanks))

THIS PART KILLS ME SO SO MUCH!!!!!

“His eyes are soft, heavy brows lowered as he searches your face. What can’t say: I’ve always hated watching you touch everyone else. I’ve never wanted anybody like I’ve wanted you. You’re my favourite person in the galaxy.”

THE LOVE THAT IS THERE THE LAST SENTENCE SPECIFICALLY SENDS ME INTO A MESS ON THE FLOOR!

SAM MY DEAR ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME!!! (lovingly of course but HOLY SHIT)

“Then that’s six other times we gotta make up for,” he says, almost to himself.”

I’m in love with him there is nothing more to say other than I have collapsed on the floor and have flayed about. THEN THE BABBLING THAT COMES AFTER THAT QUOTE DUDE HOLY SHIT I”M IHFN DJSMFL HDIFl

I love that Poe is losing it and hes so fucking blissed out it’s just killing me! like this whole fucking section right here is making me blush cause holy crap. I’m GOBSMACKED!! MY FUCKING GOD I HAVE NO WORDS BECAUSE ITS SO GOOD AND IT OVERWHELMS ME IN THE BEST FUCKING WAY

“Oh shit, say my name again,” and you barely shape your lips around it before he’s hissing, driving his hips down to smack hard into yours, knocking the breath from your lungs. You lose control of your senses. You can’t see him, can barely hear him under the roar in your ears. Everything that you are is concentrated in your cunt.

“D’yknow how…ungh, how many times I’ve thought about this? About being inside you like this? And I never, ever thought you’d wanna…” he punctuates his words with short, hard thrusts. “You’re fucking perfect. Your pussy is perfect.”

Your face erupts with heat at his words. He catches you flinching and his eyes light, flashing a glimpse of his teeth even as you watch the muscles in his shoulders shake with the effort of controlling himself.

“Why’s that make you shy? You don’t like me talking about your pussy? You wanna know how good you taste, baby? You’re—ungh,” another shallow thrust, his brows pinching together, “…sweet, so sweet and tight and, fuck, I can’t believe how well you’re taking me, I know it’s so tight, but you’re doing so good, so good for me, you always… always have been…” his rambling trails out into nonsensical murmurs.”

MY GOODNESS LIKE THIS IS SSOOOOOOOOO AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA LIKE THE DIRTY TALK IS JUST SO GOOD AND IT’S MAKING ME BLUSH! AND JESUS THIS MAN IS KEEPING IT TO HIS WORD AND GIVING YOU ORGASMS LEFT AND RIGHT MY GOD!

“You’re crazy. She’s crazy,” he says to nobody in particular, lifting himself over you, hands pressing into the mattress.”

I love him hes just so silly but also wants you to know so bad that you aren’t a horrible being and that kills me!

ANFD GRUD IDHBKUERDFV o;n.gm,ho[ HE”S NOT DONE YET OH I”M NEVER GETTING UP FROM THE FLOOR HOLY SHIT

my dear! GOD THIS FIC GAVE ME SO MUCH LIFE! You are such an amazing writer and rereading your fics reinvigorates me and I really gotta thank you for just being you and amazing <3

Directions

Pairing: Poe Dameron x F!Reader Rating: Explicit 18+ Word Count: 8.1k

Warnings: Experience vs. inexperience, descriptions of sex-related anxiety and insecurity, praise kink, encouragement kink, oral sex (f receiving), unprotected PIV, overstimulation, implied cum eating. Anything you think I’ve forgotten that needs to be flagged, please let me know.

A/N - This is just a messy little oneshot I’ve needed to get out of my system for a long time.

“I’ve never hooked up with a Twi’lek girl.”

“Really? Poe, I saw you running off with Buul like, less than two weeks ago. Drink.”

“Oh—yeah,” he grins, ducking his head and taking a swig. “Alright smartass, you’re up.”

You think for a minute. “I actually really like that polystarch bread they give us in the ration packs. It tastes way better than it smells.”

He gives you a withering look. “Who cares? That’s a shitty secret, whether it’s true or not. For that, you drink twice.”

You groan at him. “I don’t have any secrets. You know everything about me anyway.”

Keep reading

#fic rec #poe dameron x female reader #sam's spectacular fics!!!

2K notes · View notes

peanuts-and-pickles · 3 years ago

Text

Haha listen up suckers i have some thoughts about a TUA and SOC crossovers

- so hmmmm maybe they team up to steal something from the commission

- the Umbrella crew thought about it and realized they would probably fail if they did it by themselves, so they temporarily join The crows

- Kaz and five. General respect. Both respective leaders of their gangs, similar personalities. Both have trouble with expressing feelings

- now I can’t decide if Diego likes Jesper or Inej better. I think Inej. The knives

- he would feel slightly threatened by Jesper. Aiming well is supposed to be Deigo’s thing, not some sharpshooters

- Nina and Allison would be best friends immediately

- Matthias and Luther would just. Hate each other. There is no respect there.

- Wylan and Vanya would be the quiet friends. Gentle allies.

- oh and the handler, well she would hate kaz more than she hates Five. at least with five, shes worked with him long enough to predict what he’s gonna do next

- Inej would just, look down on Lila. Lila would be slightly jealous, and would constantly try to prove she’s better than Inej. Nobody cared.

- klaus and Jesper. Need I say more?

- Klaus tells Kaz about Dave, and how he was so lost after Dave died

- kaz and five bond. Something about the trauma and the dead brothers

- five eventually tells kaz about how everytime he looks at his sibilings he sees their dead bodies, and kaz is like “you think that’s bad? Wait till you hear what happens when somebody shakes my hand

- then klaus comes over and is like “yo kaz someone really wants to talk to you, ya know, from the other side”

- kaz just freezes

- klaus is like ”ummm you want me to connect you or like no”

- kaz says yes

- when Jordie appears (of course it’s jordie) kaz is silent for a bit

- everyone else is quiet too. they’ve never seen him show any emotion so this is a big moment

- kaz asks jordie to take a walk, and then just lays into him

- he starts shouting about how he let kaz down, was stupid enough to get swindled, and then died, leaving kaz on his own

- how he almost drowned and only survived bc he used jordies corpse as a kickboard, and now he can’t touch anyone

- thats when the handler shows up.

- she’s all happy bc she figured out kaz‘s backstory.

- (briefcase baby)

- so she just slowley lays it out for kaz and all the others

- as she talks she walks closer to kaz

- he doesn’t move

- when she’s done telling everyone kaz s traumatic past, she, like, strokes his cheekbone (we all know that’s something the handler would do, trauma or no)

-that’s when Inej throws an knife in her gut

- cause no one touches her kaz

- as the handler dies kaz runs past her and vomits in a trash can

- now everyone knows kaz‘s traumatic backstory

- then they look back and kaz and inej are both gone (somewhere to talk in private)

- klaus just looks and jordie and is like “really dude?“

- they don’t see them for the rest of the quest

- in the end they win, of course

- five pulls them out of a tight snag and gets them to victory

- it’s a fun time for everyone (except kaz but he will get there)

#six of crows #crooked kingdom #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #jesper fahey #the umbrella academy #number five #five hargreeves #klaus hargreeves

35 notes · View notes

frog-writes · 4 years ago

Note

HEY BESTIEEE I was wondering if you could do bakugou with a fem reader that insults herself like nagito EVEN THOUGH HER QUIRK IS AMAZING AND SHES HELLA STRONG thank you💃🏽💃🏽

BESTIE THE NAGITO KIN IN ME IS THRIVING RN THANK YOU-

Bakugo with a s/o who’s like Nagito

For this the reader’s quirk is called dice! She can use her quirk to roll a 100 sided dice for each situation and for others actions as well, whatever number shown/rolled on the dice is the % of how something will work out!

Ex: rolling a 1=1% it will work!(dont do it then! It won’t end well most likely...)

However! If rolled a 89=89% chance it will happen so go for it!

Since your quirk never really sided that much to physical strength, you being the badass you are started to learn how to fight on your own!

Such as working out more(like a fuck ton I see you) as well as learning different hand to hand compact moves and even sports such as wrestling, kickboxing, jujutsu, etc.

So all around you were strong and smart, more likely than not the odds were stacked in your favor!

But if only you could see that....

Having a quirk that only shows a dice with percentages? Surrounded by so many other amazing and unique quirks? How lame....

At least that’s what you thought, everyone around you honestly thought you deserved to be in 1A! And you do!

Being with bakugo and a quirk like you do can be helpful with his anger and impulsiveness, so when he’s about to go blow off on something sometimes literally you would use your quirk to see hey, should I stop this dumbass?

A lot of people like to think all to Katsuki is just boom boom angry boy 😡 but there’s way more to him then that!

He’s actually very observant and tentative to you as well, but while more often than not having that tsundere front, however sometimes when you two are alone he won’t hesitate to go soft and either be soft for you or let you be soft to him with little to no retaliation

When it comes to an actual battle or fight, he most likely will be more focused on himself and the enemy tbh, and if he gets mad then he’s even more in his head and less likely to realize your habits

Honestly it was just supposed to be a quick and easy one and done with you and your hot headed boyfriend on patrol. So you can imagine the shock when not even a few minutes later the two of you were in a intense battle with a couple of nomus.

Bakugo as usual charged forward with no hesitation, ready and prepared to ,,blow these bastards to bits,, as he says, however you ok the other hand were struggling. These pests were almost indestructible, and all you had was an imaginary dice and hand fighting, whihc it eaisly over powered you in. Fighting as hard as you could you jumped back for a minute to use your quirk due to having an idea that could end this sooner rather than later.

Right as you activated your quirk a glowing 100 sided dice hovered above your outstretched hand, rolling and twisting and turning faster and faster. “Fuck, hurry up,” you breathed out with a huff as the nomu started towards you again, with little to no hesitation in taking a breather. As it lunged toward you the dice shattered and the holographic shards went flying out and fading away as your body just barley dodged. “worthless” you rasped out, “of course the I cant even do the one and ONLY thing this pathetic quirk can do, and as usual I just fail miserably. Tch, what else could I expect from scum like me..”

Turing around you watch Bakugo eaisly taking out the other two nomus, barley breaking a sweat. Looking back down at your hands as you flipped your palms over, staring down at the dice that reformed in your palms with glossed over and hazy eyes. With a dull laugh you whispered out “oh magic dice, please enlighten trash like me how badly I will fail yet again.”

Suddenly, you felt a tug on your waist as your pulled back against something firm and warm as a hand comes out from behind you to clasp over your own, ultimately covering the dice. With a scoff Bakugo huffed out “I don’t appreciate someone talking bad about my girlfriend, I’ll have to teach you a lesson when I get back.” And with a kiss to the crown of your heads he jumped forward into action against the nomu. You watched with a haze in your eyes as he took it out in less than 10 minutes.

Walking past you with a grunt and an angry “let’s go” he barley spares a side glance when bumping shoulders and you both headed back to UA

When you got back to the dorms you both headed to the showers, exausted and covered in grime and dirt. As you washed your body and dried it off you couldn’t help but to let the bad thoughts fester and grow, dwelling on them as you headed back to your room.

Holding onto a pillow on your bed you sobbed out all your thoughts and feelings, about yourself, your quirk, others, all the despair that drowned you. So far gone in your breakdown you didn’t realize someone was in there with you until yet again, firm arms were wrapped around yours as you were pulled back against your boyfriend’s chest. Turning around you bury your face in it and shutter as sobs rack your body. He holds you close whispering sweet words and turning down all your bad ones, instead explaining how it’s wrong

“Fuck I’m so weak, I couldn’t even fight a nomu yet you easily took them all on.”

“If your ‘so weak’, then how come you eaisly took down those guys attacking that agency the other day?”

“Please suki, anyone eaisly could have, trash like me just barley got the finishing hit”

“Please angel, you eaisly took them down no sweat, they’re the trash anyways, their pathetic quirks had nothing on you”

He kissed the top of your forehead and then your lips when you tried to go on about how terrible your quirk was. He wouldn’t let you talk so bad about yourself, after all none of it is true. And everytime you try to it start to go on a self deprecating rant, he’d always be right there to shut it down and provide sweet nothings to prove you wrong.

Hope you liked it and enjoyed! Make sure to drink plenty of water today! 💕

#Bakugo #bakugou x y/n #bakugou x reader #bnha #mha #mha x reader #mha headcanons #mha imagines #my hero academia #my hero academia x reader

61 notes · View notes

kaito-is-baby · 4 years ago

Note

Could I get s/o who has a crush on Kazuichi, but he seems head over heels for Sonia? Could be fluff or angst, I'm not picky.

I love Kazuichi with all of my heart and anything that is him receiving love I'm here for it, I just love him so much!

I'm not going to go with angst because I'm not really in the mood for it but anyways I'm having issues with how I'm going to end this imagine

Anyways, enjoy our little shark boy getting some extra love

Reader with a crush on Kazuichi while he is obsessed with Sonia

•You two knew each other for a long time now

•When you met the first time you felt your heart stop for a second

•You have to admit it was something physical, you were attracted to his look more than his personality

•I mean you hadn't talk to him yet and you were already nervious

•But once you met him that look he has that makes him look like a very tought guy stopped working

•After seeing him cry and scream out of fear at almost everything he wasn't the sexiest person alive

•And his usual smell didn't help either

•But then your crush was even worse, you did not like him for his looks, you liked him for his personality

•That dumb and pure personality he has

•You loved it

•And he always made you laugh

•ALWAYS

•So your crush on him went bigger and bigger as you two grew closer

•Which made your friendship very difficult thanks to his little obsession

•He was so determined to date Sonia

•He said he had a crush on her but you would call it an unhealthy obsession

•You knew the girl and she was sweet and caring almost all the time

•But she didn't like Kazuichi back

•And he was starting to be... a little too much

•Which made you very angry

•Of course you would say it was because Sonia would feel stalked

•But deep inside you you knew it was because you were jealous

•Jealous and sad, if he just wasn't so obsessed with her maybe you two could go out sometime

•And he wouldn't be so bullied by Sonia

•All the times he tried to call Sonia's attention

•And all the stupid things he used to say to her

•All of that

•It always made you feel horrible

•But as everytime he did she insulted him you couldn't help but to feel sorry for him

•So your days became a repetitive mess of hearing Kazuichi talk about Sonia, holding back your tears, defending him if Sonia was too mean to him and comfort him everytime she rejected him

•Every single time

•And every single time he would call you the best person ever

•"Oh, S/O, you are so amazing..."

•At first you were happy with those compliments but as time passed and he kept obsessed over Sonia you started to get tired

•Until once you just asked him

•"Why do you keep trying to date Sonia? She isn't going to like you back and you should forget about her and try to meet new people"

•"But she is a princess! What could be better than a princess?!"

•"Someone that didn't treat you like trash maybe" you mumbled to yourself just to feel bad about it the moment it left your mouth

•"Kaz, listen, I'm sorry"

•But you were just to angry about how obsessed he is to notice it

•Once you managed to control your rage against him you came back to the topic

•"Well, instead of making Sonia hate you even more everyday you could try and see if you like someone else"

•"But no one is comparable to miss Sonia!"

•Miss Sonia, miss Sonia, miss Sonia, you were starting to get tired of hearing him say that

•"Maybe you are as good as her but... we are friends"

•Did Souda just... friendzone you?

•Well, it may look like that but actually no, he is just to stupid to notice that you have a crush on him

•He usually hinted that you two should date, or better say, that he wished you two could date

•And he just didn't see that you had a crush on him

•"No, no, you are right, if just someone saw me like an option...."

•So you two keept your friendship like it was, completely oblivious of each others feelings

•Umm... I see you like an option? Are you dumb?

•Until Christmas arrived and kibougamine held a party

•And he searched for a partner to go with him

•"If only miss Sonia..."

•You didn't really think much about it, you just wanted him to shut up

•"Man, who am i going to go with?"

•Any other day you would have just ignore all of that situation but you were very sensitive and you couldn't help but to cry

•Because seeing your crush heads over heels for another is never cool

•And you have seen that way to much

•So you just exploded

•And he was so so worried

•He doesn't really know how to react to this things

•But he hugged you clumsily and asked you what happened

•And you told him about your feelings and how horrible you've been feeling all this time

•"SO! That's great!!!"

•Great? What does it have of great? You felt like trash!

•"I mean Sonia is a princess and who doesn't want to date a princess? but I've always had a thing for you how you comforted me and supported me all this time... I've always liked you I just tought you didn't saw me the same way"

•And Sonia did, you idiot? He could have fixed it all just by confessing long ago!

•You should be angry

•Very angry

•But you weren't

•You were so so very happy

•You jumped to his arms and kissed him

•And you went to that dance with him

•You know... like a date

•Your very first date!

•And that Christmas dance was the first of many you two attended together as a couple

As usually, I don't know what this is, I had two whole different ideas and I feel like this one is the most unrealistic one buuuut it's already written and it's gonna stay that way, hope you find it... somewhat not so horrible

162 notes · View notes

animeloverskylarmoon · 3 years ago

Text

Bleach Fanfiction - Chapter 7

"Come on (Y/N)-chan let's go out to get drinks!!" you shook your head firmly. "No way! Last time Taicho had to pick me up from the bar. He still has those pictures of me drooling." You weren't a heavy drinker, Rangiku knew that yet she still insisted on inviting you whenever she went to a bar. You only agreed once and after two cups of sake you were wasted. You couldn't hold your liquor.

"Aww come on don't be like that. Trust me I'll look out for you this time." you just gave her a blank stare. She chuckled nervously. "Anyway I'll see you tonight!" You reached out a hand to tell her off but she just took off in a sprint. Your hand lowered as you scoffed. "Like hell, I'm not going." you turned with a huff. "Gonna need to find somewhere to hide tonight." You walked off trying to think of somewhere she wouldn't think to look. "Maybe at Kenpachi's."

"Damn where did all this paperwork come from. " you looked over at Shinji's desk. He had three piles of paper on his desk. He stretched just coming out from the other room. You moved over to the desk taking a seat. "

I've got it." you said waving him off. His head tilted. "You sure?" you smiled. "Yeah, don't worry." you picked up the pen, picking up one of the documents as read through it, signing off where needed. You kept at it for a while and Shinji sat on the couch watching you work from across the room. Your brows would furrow in the most adorable way when you seemed unsure of something, then the crease in your forehead would even out when you figured it out. You looked so professional.

"You look good behind a desk." you raised your eyes, grinning at him. "I do don't I?" you boasted lifting your chin. He could see the stars basically sparkling around you. "You'd look much better bent over it though.." he never voiced that particular thought. He had so much pent up tension. Everytime he tried to make a move on you someone would get in the way and ruin it.

Literally every time. Last week he had gotten another perfect opportunity. You were in your room cleaning and you accidently slipped on a stray piece of trash, falling right into his lap. He thanked Kami when you looked up at him to apologize. He was sure then he would get the chance. It was just the two of you. He was going to take the chance.

Right when he leaned forward Rangiku popped up out of nowhere begging for a place to hide from her captain. Of course that didn't work cause he came in literally seconds later yelling at her. They got in a heated argument which ended in Toshiro icing your entire room. Safe to say he wasn't going to make any moves that day.

Another long sigh left Shinji's lips. The odds just never seemed to be in his favor. Was this a sign that he should just give up pursuing you. He knew how hung up you'd been about Kensei, but you seemed like you got over it. You looked much brighter than before. He just wanted you to know how he felt. How long he had felt this way. Maybe this was wrong? You were still pretty vulnerable.

"Maybe I should just wait." Were you even ready for a relationship. The last time you cared about someone you got your heart broken. It was doubtful you would say anything even if you returned his feelings. Deep down you probably were still afraid of being rejected again.

"Then I guess I'll have to be the one to say it." Shinji stood. "(Y/N)." he called. You shifted your gaze in his direction. "Yes Taicho." he felt like an arrow struck him in the heart when you looked at him with those curious eyes. A vessel burst in his nostril as blood started pouring out his nose. "Shit I can't do it!" he said holding his nose. You were too much for him. You panicked when you saw the blood.

"T-Taicho are you alright!!"

"You really scared me." you said. Shinji sat on the couch with two pieces of paper stuck up his nose. He looked at you with a glare. "T-This is your fault!!" he accused.

"B-But I didn't do anything!!" you defended. He just continued to grumble under his breath.

You just seethed. "B-Baka!!!" you yelled.

"Another shot Rangiku!!" you demanded. She grinned pouring you another cup. You gulped it down in anger. "B-Baka Taicho acting so weird!" You hiccupped, putting down your glass. After what happened you agreed to Rangiku's proposal. Isane, Rangiku, Izuru and Hisagi sat with you drinking happily. "What wrong with Hirako-taicho? You seemed pretty down." Rangiku questioned. Your cheeks were pretty flushed from the drinks. When she mentioned Shinji you sulked.

I-I don't know he's a meanie.." you murmured. "I HATE HIM!!" you grabbed the bottling downing the contents. Isane started waving frantically. "S-Stop (Y/N)-san that's not safe!" you dropped it when the bottle was empty. This time when you looked up your entire face was red. Hisagi laughed, patting you on the back. "Good going (Y/N)!!" he cheered. You giggled stupidly. "Sa..ke!!" you slurred. Isane sighed. She could already see where this was going.

"I think we should get you back." Isane said. "Back!!" you cheered again. She sweatdropped. You were already far gone. Kensei walked in scanning the bar. When he saw Hisagi he moved over. "Taicho join us!!" When his eyes landed on you he raised a brow. "Taicho!!" You said enthusiastically. Kensei could tell from the redness in your face that you were plastered.

"I think it's best I get you to your room. I'm scared to think what destruction you would cause like this. " Izuru chuckled. "Be careful, She drank the entire bottle." Kensei's eyes widened. "What! She knows she's a lightweight. " Kensei reached over, throwing you over his shoulder. "Ta-ic-cho~" you sang, rocking your head from side to side. Rangiku laughed.

"She looks happy. " Kensei just walked away with a sigh. "She's going to regret this tomorrow. " he stated.

"Where the hell is she? " Shinji came by to apologize for yelling at you earlier, but he couldn't find you in your room. He turned when he heard your voice outside. "Kensei piggyback!!"

"H-Hey what are you doing!!" Shinji walked out to the sight of you on Kensei's back.

Kensei stood at the door, struggling to get a grip on you. "Stop moving you little punk." Shinji noticed your red face immediately. "She got drunk again." Kensei nodded. "Yeah, this time she down a whole bottle apparently. " Your head turned and Shinji felt a bit unsettled at the cute expression you wore when you spotted him.

"Taicho!!!" you jumped off of Kensei's back, into Shinji's arms. He stumbled as you clung unto him. "B-be careful!!" He looked at Kensei for help but he gave a salute. "She's your problem now see ya!" he disappeared on the spot. Shinji cursed. "That bastard.." His eyes turned back on you. You were still hanging on to him, humming a song in your head. You looked so childish.

"Right now I'm shameless!!" you sang happily. Shinji couldn't help but chuckle at your behavior. He never saw you so carefree. "Alright Ms. Shameless, let's get you to bed." You shook your head.

"No! I want to stay up~" objected. You reached up looking directly at Shinji. He could smell the alcohol on his breath. He swallowed a bit nervously when you leaned forward. Your eyes stared at him in awe. "You have a piercing just like Taicho!" you spotted pointing at his mouth. Shinji sighed. "I am your Taicho." he stated.

"Nope. Taicho is waaaaay cuter!" you emphasized your comment spreading your arms and Shinji raised a brow. "She thinks I'm cute.." He shook off the comment. "You're just drunk." He moved a hand to slide open the door to your room. He held you, trying to lower you to your feet. When you were standing you looked over at him. "Can I tell you a secret?" you whispered, pulling him by the shoulder. "You have to promise not to tell Taicho." you said softly.

"I already told you I'm t-"

"I really love Taicho!!" you chirped. Shinji sputtered. "W-Wha.."

You giggled holding your cheeks. "It's so embarrassing." you continued to giggle swaying from side to side. For a minute he thought maybe he was dreaming. You didn't just say what he thought you did, did you? "(Y/N) listen to me you're not yourself when you wake up tomorrow you'll be mo- You wrapped your arms around his neck before he could finish.

"Taicho is the best! He's nice and funny and he's always there for me. I wanna marry Taicho~" Shinji blushed. "Too bad you don't have my Taicho." you pulled back with a sympathetic look.

"I'm glad I have him all to myself. " you gushed. Shinji's eyes marked you. "Time for bed." he said softly. He was overjoyed at your words. But he couldn't help but feel you were just saying these things because you were intoxicated. "Okay." you yawned. He turned to leave, but you grabbed his hand, pulling him unto the futon. He released a yell at the sudden pull. Falling unto the soft material with a thud.

When he reopened his eyes your hands were securely wrapped around his torso. Shinji was overly aware of how amazing your body felt pressed to him. He pulled in an unsteady breath. "You're so comfy..just like Taicho.." you hummed against his chest. The vibrations traveled through his body and he groaned at the back of his throat.

"This is torture."

After a few moments all he could here was your soft breaths. His eyes shifted, watching the blissful look on your face. He tried to slip out when he was sure you were asleep. Shinji moved slightly and winced when you held onto him tighter. Your eyebrows knitted and then relaxed. "

Shinji.." you purred out softly. Shinji's heart warmed at the way you said his name. He pulled you in closer and he was satisfied with the smile that adorned your lips.

"I guess it can't be helped." he got comfortable, breaths falling in rhythm with your own. You being drunk wasn't as bad as he thought it would be.

#shinji hirako #bleach #soul reapers #vizards #new feelings #friends to lovers #care #trust #kenseixmashiro #love #admitting feelings #soul society #gotei13 #shinjixreader

14 notes · View notes

denisn4te · 4 years ago

Text

Obey Me Zombie Apocalypse AU

Guys, I can not believe no one has made an Obey Me zombie apocalypse au so I decided fuck it and to make one even though I suck at writing and will probably forget this in my drafts later, but if I do ever post it then yeah uh enjoy I guess.

(The only reason I'm even doing this is because I've been playing The Walking Dead Game and I just started Season 3!)

~•~☆~•~

(The brothers are all human and the other characters will come later.)

Lucifer

When the apocalypse starts he was still a teenager at the age of 17 and had just had a big fight with his parents

He storms out, but once the zombies started rising he went back only to see that his parents and his sister, Lilith had died from a zombie attack.

Now he has the responsibility of his 6 brothers and a lot of guilt on his back.

He does most of the work when collecting food and supplies. His brothers try to help him sometimes, but he always says he can handle it by himself.

Unless he really does need help when he'll let Mammon and Levi help him since they're the older ones of the rest of the brothers.

Absolutely doesn't trust strangers. You're threatening to shoot him or his brothers? Yours kneecaps are busted. You're trying to steal their supplies? You spine is now bent into a perfect 90° angle. You're offering supplies and shelter? He'll think about it for 3 seconds, but always say no saying.

He's definitely the type to rather not settle down in one place. He likes to keep moving and if they ever were to stay in one place it would only be for one day/night.

And of course he has the best fighting skills. Works mostly with guns or sometimes even no weapon at all though he's better with a weapon.

He'll only trust people he used to know before the whole apocalypse started like schoolmates or surviving familly members though there isn't much left of either. Even then he is super protective of his brothers.

Would die at some point for dramatic effect and maybe some character development for the other brothers.

A bit cold to his bros sometimes and feels bad about it. He probably does so if anything happens to him his brothers might be able to move on better.

Has taught all the brothers something about how to use a gun in case anything were to happen to him. He'd start with Mammon, then Levi, and so on as the rest get older.

Always holds some type of knife on him no matter what.

Mammon

He's about 14 and still a little greedy shit always sneaking off to look for good loot and taking things without hesitation, but he always end up in the wrong places at the wrong time.

Nevers finds any good stuff sadly.

Causes the most trouble even though he doesn't mean to most of the time.

He wants his little brothers to look up to him, but he still has a lot of skills to work on before that will happen.

He's not that good at shooting, but he can run fast so he can hide most of the time. Though he can be squeamish at times.

Keeps the mood up in the group when times get tough. He gets annoying a lot though due to him being a bit immature.

If anything were to happen to Lucifer he'd slowly learn how to take more responsibility and mature. Maybe even become a better shot.

If not then he continues to be childish, but he still gets better little by little over time.

Doesn't carry guns due to his rather poor shooting skills, but he's good with knives.

Leviathan

He has a lot of anxiety for a 12 year old.

Levi gets scared a lot, but he is really curious too. He often sneaks off with Mammon to explore.

Still an otaku and usually explores the manga stores a lot looking for any leftover volumes. Most of the times he'll be reading manga since he clearly can't play video games due to most of the power being out.

I get a feeling Levi would somehow make/find a bow and arrow or crossbow since he's not good at close range combat.

I'd say he would be good at aiming, but he would probably be too afraid to pull the trigger since guns are loud.

If he were to be an archer he would go hunt animals every now and then, but he feels bad when he kills fish since it reminds him of Henry 2.0 which they sadly had to leave behind.

As he grows up he would become less afraid and maybe even learn how to use a gun without getting scared. He'll always prefer crossbows and bows though since they're cooler and more quiet.

Still likes to ramble about his interests and the more I think about it he probably would be kinda like Duck from the Walking Dead Game.

Satan

Is dangerously smart for a 10 year old and some people tend to forget that he's still a young kid due to how mature he is.

Usually cause a lot of the trouble to mess with Lucifer since their relationship isn't all that great in this AU either and it didn't get any better when Lilith and their parents died.

Unlike some of his brothers he likes the idea of settling down and having a place to stay. Satan would definitely get into arguments with Lucifer about it when he gets older.

He's still pretty young so his fighting skills aren't great, but he easily can outnumber most of his brothers in other skills.

Always keeps on a grumpy face no matter what the situation is and that frightens his brothers a lot.

Whenever they come across a cat he finally lets go of the grumpy face and just adores the feline(s) they came across.

He always begs to bring all the cats along with them, but Lucifer always says no cause they can't have pets right now. Satan doesn't talk for a whole week everytime that happens.

When he grows up he definitely begins to form some rather impressive fighting skills that are not as great as Lucifer's, but could definitely rival his older brother's.

Being so mature for his age he tends to walk away from the rest of the group a lot sometimes thinking he'd be better off alone. He always finds his way back though.

Has the best healing skills and usually is responsible for carrying the first aid kit even though at the age of 10 he only fixes up small cuts and bruises.

Asmodeus

I love him, but he would not make it 2 days on his own.

Not just because he's an 8 year old, but he is squeamish and honestly quite weak in general.

Still loves attention so he usually likes to try and keep the mood in the group up like Mammon to have the attention on him.

That trait of his quickly goes away as things get worse and they need to focus on surviving more.

First time someone tried to teach him how to defend himself he was not okay for about a week.

He gets really grossed out when he watches his older brothers kill zombies and gags a lot.

Has no fighting skills at all. Like he knows how to use a gun, but that's it and he's not even good at using one either.

He does have some decent skills in fleeing and sneaking though which is good.

When Asmo actually does kill a zombie or person for the first time he couldn't look at a gun for a while or any weapon.

Definitely the type to just freeze in fear a lot which makes him feel like a burden sometimes cause it holds up the others at times.

Surprisingly good at scavenging and healing. Not as good as Satan of course, but it helps.

As time goes on he develops a bit of anxiety and this causes him to stay in his own lane most of the time.

Would run into Soloman at some point and that really helped ease him down. He knew Soloman before the apocalypse started and is really glad to see his old friend again.

I feel like at some point when he's older he might gets thoughts about leaving the group like Satan maybe with Soloman.

If he were to leave the group I feel like the chances he would see his brothers again are slim. Sad, but most likely true. It is the apocalypse after all.

Beelzebub

He and Belphie are both 6 years old and just like in canon, they're extremely close to eachother.

Beel will always help Belphie first in any situation.

He might be the second youngest, but is already a pretty strong kid for his age and when he grows up he'll definitely do a lot of the work like fighting off enemies and hunting.

For now he just carries some supplies and even Belphie when he gets tired.

He still blames himself for Lilith's death and it weighs very heavy on him.

Does very good when it comes to close range combat, but it takes him a while to fully understand how to use far range weapons like crossbows and guns.

Still eats a lot and very good at scavenging, but not trusted to cause he usually eats the food he find instead of telling the others. He just a hungry boi.

He also doesn't care about the whole staying in one place or keep moving and is always on the fence about it.

Belphegor

The brother that absolutely cannot be left on their own cause he can't take care of himself for shiiiiii-

Just like canon he is almost always sleeping and puts little to no effort in a lot of things making him the weakest brother.

Unlike his twin his skills are not great and he knows this.

He still hates Lucifer and blames him for their parents' and sister's death. If he hadn't stormed off the day this all started they would have been alive.

His skills don't develop much when he gets older so he's better off with other people and also likes the idea of having to stay in one place instead of constantly traveling one place to another.

He really hates using weapons. Especially guns cause they're too loud and close range weapons take up too much energy, but there is that extremely rare occasion where he does kill something. That only happens when he's older though.

His fleeing/sneaking skills are trash too and prefers someone to carry him when they do have to get away from something. Belphie doesn't care who it is carrying him just don't make him run.

He knows only a bit about healing which is mostly just him putting bandages on cuts.

~•~☆~•~

Part 2!

Okay guys that's pretty much it for now! Sorry if this wasn't great I tried and it was quite fun making it! I might even try drawing things for this AU, but I'll probably do the undateables later!

92 notes · View notes

missnxthingg · 5 years ago

Note

may coming into peters room to ask what he wants for dinner or something and finds reader straddling his lap sleeping on his chest while he’s at his desk doing his homework.. like her reaction + maybe she comes in and asks him a bunch of cute questions about you?🥰

She’s just tired

A/N: Your request was sooooo cute I almost died with the diabetes I got with all of this sugar. Really loved it sooooo much! And I loved writing it. So enjoy as much as I did.

Words: 1,6K

Pairing: Peter Parker x Female Reader

Warnings: If you consider cute a warning.

masterlist

Just please pretend he’s not sad in this gif! I’m going for May’s top of the head kiss only.

Getting May Parker to be home this early wasn’t a very easy task, specially when it was still sundowning. She drove home to open her front door and start to listen a very low and calm song coming from Peter’s bedroom. She smiled, knowing he was probably focused on his studies. The music was a sign that he was too deep in his own stuff.

He talked about something like having tons of homework this week, and if May really knew her nephew, is that sometimes he forgets to eat just because he’s full of things to do. So she decided to knock on his door to see what he wanted to eat, probably to order it because she was a terrible chef.

“Hey Peter, what do you want for dinner?” May asked, freezing right after she saw her nephew pressing his index finger against his lips, shushing her up. Her eyes went down to Peter. A girl, straddled on his lap, face resting on his chest, eyes shut and arms involving him in a hug. His left hand was stroking her hair, while his right hand was writing something down on his notebook. “What happened to her?”

“She’s just tired May. Her parents were fighting and she didn’t know where to go. And she just fell asleep right here.” He whispered and May nodded, leaning to the door and smiled.

“So this is the famous (Y/N)?” She asked and he nodded with a smirk on his face. “She’s really pretty.”

“She’s so beautiful, inside and out.” May approached him, standing behind him and stroked his hair. He inhaled the good smell of her shampoo on her hair and kissed the top of her head. “My beautiful girl.”

“Do you like her?”

“I think I love her May.” He giggled and dropped his pen over the book. “She makes me feel like no one has ever made me feel before. Happy, special, loved, but in a very singular way.”

“That’s cute.” She smiled, sitting on the edge of his bed. His eyes were locked on her and his other hand met her back. He softly rocked her, and she snored, deep into her sleep.

“She takes care of me, like… she always texts to see if I already got home safely from patrol, and if I have a problem, she’s always there to help me.” He squeezed her and she relaxed even more in his arms. She sighed, making his smile go widder. “Sometimes she does this thing where she draws constellations on my freckles with her fingers, and I kept staring at her thinking how lucky I am to have such a special girl in my life.”

“You know Pete, the last time I saw someone like this, head over heels about a girl, his name was Ben Parker. And well, I married him.” She caressed her nephews cheek, squinting her eyes. “Sometimes I think that you look so much like your uncle, more than your dad.”

“Really?” His eyes shined when he glanced back to his aunt, watching she nodding her head yes.

“Maybe not in appearance, but the way you act…” She sighed, remember her old love. “ He used to hold me like that too, when we were younger. And if I was ever sad, he simply knew how to make me feel better.”

“I really miss him.” Peter felt down for a while, but he usually loves to hear stories about his uncle.

“I miss him too. So much Peter.” She let a tear fall from her face, but she wiped it right away.

“I’m sorry aunt May.”

“It’s okay sweetie.” She smiled, trying to comfort him. “If she is really that special, you better hold onto her and never let her go. You know that old phrase, ‘If you love her, let her go?’ ” He nodded. “That’s bullshit.”

“Great advice May.” He giggled, shaking his head.

“Now tell me about this girl.” He smiled and kissed the top of her head again.

“Oh, I’ve never told you? We met at the decathlon. And she’s like really, incredibly smart. Still, she asked me to study with her, for physics.”

“Maybe she was just making up with an excuse to spend some more time with you. Like Cady Heron in Mean Girls.”

“It’s so weird to see your own aunt mentioning Mean Girls.” She rolled her eyes. “So I took her to a coffee shop and we spent the day there, and I found out that she’s extremely nice and kind, also very funny. And of course, beautiful. I always thought she was gorgeous, but everything about her makes her beautiful. We became friends since that day.”

“And in what moment did you realise you liked her? Like really liked her.”

“When I asked her out on a date. She blushed so hard, I found it pretty cute, and when she said yes, I think I lost it. But of course I realised that when I kissed her. I took her to the pizza place, and even though it tasted like pepperoni, it was amazing.”

“Gross, but cute.”

“I gave her a necklace when I asked her to be my girlfriend. I’m pretty sure she’s wearing it right now. It’s a key, and I have the locker on my keys.” He pointed the keys over his desk with his head, and May glanced at it, smiling when she saw his keys over the table.

“That’s beautiful Peter.”

“Today when she came, all sad and red eyes, my heart broke. She looked so tired, and she simply slept right here in like… seconds. She said she hasn’t slept in two days, because her parents keep shouting at each other.” He squeezed her tighter. “I needed to do my homework, but she needed me more. I couldn’t let her go. I love her so much May.”

“I love you too.” She said, almost in a whisper. She looked up and left a peck on his lips.

“I’m sorry to wake you up baby.”

“It wasn’t so bad to wake up to such beautiful words.” She looked like trash, puffy eyes and tired face, but still, she sat straight and face May, giving her the biggest smile she could. “Hi, I’m (Y/N), it’s nice to meet you.”

“I’m May, and it’s really nice to meet you too (Y/N).”

“I’m so sorry to meet you in this situation, wish I looked more presentable to meet the famous aunt May.“

“Oh, it’s okay honey. Everytime you need to escape, the doors are always opened for you.”

“Yeah, you’re part of the family now.” She hugged Peter and he pulled May to join the hug.

“Thank you, it means so much to me. Especially in these times that family seems something so distance to me.”

“If there’s one thing I learned after my parents death, is that we make our own family.” He caressed her back and kissed her temple.

“He’s right, you know? I didn’t have kids of my own, but Peter’s my boy.” May smiled and rolled her fingers around his curls. “And you’re my kid too, from this moment beyond.”

“Thank you.” She smiled tenderly and May walked away, stopping at the door.

“So, what do you guys want for dinner?”

“Anything is fine, really.”

“(Y/N) wants chinese. She told me earlier.”

“Peter!”

“Chinese it is!” May winked and (Y/N) blushed.

“Really, there’s no need…”

“I’ve been dying for some spring rolls.” Peter interrupted and May nodded.

“Noted. I’m gonna order right now.” May left the room, and Peter started to laugh at (Y/N)’s face.

“Stop it!”

“You look so cute when you’re embarrassed.”

“I was trying to cause a good impression to your aunt.”

“She already loves you.” He kissed her cheek, pressing a long kiss against it. “You know, what she said, it’s very true.”

“What?”

“You’re part of the family now.” He entwined their pinkies and she gave him an eskimo kiss.

“You just don’t know how grateful I am for that.”

“Oh I know. I’m grateful for having you. And I meant what I said before.”

“What?”

“That I love you.” She smiled and caressed his cheek.

“I love you too, very much Peter.” She kissed his, a long and sweet kiss, full of love. “Come on, let’s help May set the table.”

“And you were thinking you’re not causing a good first impression.” He giggled and she rolled her eyes.

“You’re an idiot.”

“You love this idiot.”

“I know.” She entwined their finger and pulled him to the living room.

They helped May set the table, and they spent the whole night talking about every subject there ever was. (Y/N) felt as if she had been part of the family for years now and she was so grateful and relieved for that. She loved Peter and wanted it all to work out just fine. By the end of the night, her dad came to take her home, even though she was avoiding going home.

“I don’t really wanna go, but my daddy calls.” She said and May nodded.

“But you’re welcome to stay anytime.”

“Thank you May, for everything.”

“I want you here having dinner with us every week, okay? I demand you!”

“I swear she won’t cook.” Peter made everyone laugh and May nodded.

“I will be here. Thank you again.”

Peter followed her to outside, and before he opened the building’s front door, he gave her a good night kiss.

“I wanted to stay. I don’t wanna hear those screams.”

“Call me and I can get you to calm down, okay?” She nodded and he gave a small peck on her lips. “Good night, I love you.”

“Night, I love you too.”

He opened the door and took her to the car, having a brief conversation with her dad before they drove off. She kept looking at the streets with a big smile on her face. For the first time after a long time feeling like she didn’t belong anywhere, she finally felt as if she was part of a family. And right in that moment, that’s was all she needed.

…………………

PART TWO/PREQUEL

…………………

ADD YOURSELF TO THE TAGLIST!

Taglist: @missmulti , @zabdisamor , @cmon-peter-tingle , @lifeisabitchandsoareyou, @tomshufflepuff, @deathofthethrones , @unicornslothfish, @coonflix

#peter parker #peter parker imagine #peter parker fluff #peter parker fluffly #peter parker cute #peter parker imagine fluffy #peter parker fanfic #peter parker x reader #peter parker x you #peter parker x y/n #tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland fanfic #peter parker fanfiction #spiderman #spiderman imagine

2K notes · View notes

arthurflecksgirl · 4 years ago

Text

Last day at HaHas/ Arthurs POV

The pocket mirror is reflecting my face. Did it change in the slightest? Is it stil the same face it always was without the make up? Or is there somethig different to it now? Is there a glimpse that shows off the changes on the inside? Can they tell? Does anyone know anything? Or is it still the face of the invisible man? Still just one face in the crowd. And not even that anymore when standing alone. Faceless. A faceless existence of an invisible man. Maybe thats why I love wearing make up. To make me face visible to others. And show them what they want to see. A smile.

I`m not smiling, my face is resting in a state of being in deep thoughts. I always am. In deep thoughts I mean. Deep is an understatement really. They are making their way into the very core. My thoughts are the very core of my so called existence. Is it even called existence? Because no one ever told me that, No one ever came up to me saying "hey Arthur, I`m glad that you exist!" No one ever told me "Fuck. I just hate that you exist." eighter. So if no one loves and no one hates you, you are just..... a thought inside of your own head. You don`t exist outside yourself.

The mirror may show my face but it doesnt proof anything. So I am not even looking. My eyes are focused on the inside of my locker and what will go into the trash or into my brown paper bag next. First the mirror. The last thing its surface wittnessed was my face being unable to even look into it. I`m too afaraid of what I might see. Or what I dont see anymore. I`m not sure which fear is worse.

An empty make up pallette, a sponge, a set of cards, my hopes and dreams.

My ex workmates discuss over the news. If that man that killed the three guys on the subway was eighter wearing full make up or a mask. What difference doesn it make? Make up is just another version of a mask.

I`m alone. Standing in the coner of the changing room, and I know. I have all the answers to their questions and for a second I just wish they would know that this guy they talk about is right among them. That mysterious guy that is "Good for bussiness because they got clowns on the front of every newspaper ." Glad I could help with your fucking business, even now after I got fired. Maybe that was the best I`ve ever done for this place. That thing I didnt even intented to do. But I did and now you can all go on and discuss every single detail without knowing anything because you are being as blind and ignorant and stupid as usual.

But guess what? My eyes just started to open now. If I can defend myself by shooting these assholes on the subway, yo can`t bully me here at HaHas anymore. Especially not on my last day. Now that I empty this locker.

My locker. Yeah I can`t deny I am a little bit emotional over that. But not because of this building or this room or anyone here. Okay there is Gary. He`s a kind soul but ..... This room.....nothing but bad memories of me sitting in the corner, not being talked to, me sitting on that bank, staring outside the window until I lose all sense of time, waiting for a beam of sunlight coming through, me doing my make up day after day after day and they keep chattering but they don`t say anything. Nothing that has meaning. And I´m painting on that smile, trying to find something meaningful, something real. A moment of truth. But you can`t find it here and I couldnt find it within myself.

Not until I did that.

Killing those guys. It was a moment of truth.

The very first moment in my entire life I choose to act. For myself. I choose to be more than the guy thats being kicked around . More than the invisible man. The none existend. You can`t get killed by someone who doesnt exist? Right? So maybe there is one way to proof after all.

"Hey Arthur. I`ve heard what happened. Sorry, mate!"

Gary. Yeah he`s the only one who never joined bullying me. Maybe because he knows how it feels when others are making fun of you. I feel sorry for him that he has to work in such a shitty place with such shitty people. He deserves better. But even though he says he cares there is no real goodbye. No hug or anything. Which makes me a bit sad. I would have prefered to hug him and tell him to take care. Its just sad. A smirk is crossing my face.

"Yeah, doesnt seem fair" Randall says while he is doing his make up. The tone in his voice is disgusting. You can tell that he is glad that I`m gone. This was what he intented all the time. I try to stay calm as the anger is staring to grow. I`m throwing the rest of the stuff over my shoulders, I dont even care about if I would need this anytime soon. Who knows if I ever find a job as a clown again? As bad as these guys are. I loved being a party clown. I loved this job. the emotions I feel while getting all my stuff out of this locker are about the kids I visited at hospitals and birthdays. Thats what I will miss. I dont know what to do now. Without this job, there is no one left to make them smile. Its not just a job I lost here. Its so much more.

One of the guys is asking me if I really brought a gun to a childrens hospital. And why I did it. I take the horn honk, my paper bag and go my way.

Yeah I did. I brought that gun because I was carrying it everywhere. because you are not save in this fucking town. Not even on your way home to take care of your sick mother dressed as a party clown.

"Is that part of your new act Arthur? If your dancing doesnt do the trick you`re just gonna shoot yourself?" The stipper asks.

Maybe. Maybe this will be the final act after all. Shooting myself in front of an audience is something I should consider. At least it would make them watch.

You can`t look away if a clown just shot himself right in front of your eyes. You gotta look and it will hurt a little, seeing his smile still lingering on his lifeless lips. Remember it. Remember him as someone who wanted to make you smile but you wouldnt have let him, so he decited that this would be his final smile to the world.

I turn around "Why dont you ask Randall about it? It was his gun!" Randall looks at me with a mixture of shock and anger on his face. "What?"

Can`t handle the truth, huh? Gotta deal with it MY BOY!

"I still owe you for that dont I?" I point at him and he doesnt like it.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" he takes two steps towards me. But I turn around and leave. Not cool to play the innocent one, Randall. Not cool. We both know what you did. Just go and tell them.

"Stop talking out o your ass, Art" he adds.

I squeeze the honking horn before I throw it over my shoulder. I can feel Randall coming closer. Watching me as I walk away. Suddenly it feels good to leave this place. I hated being lonely among people in this room every morning. I hated hearing their voices and laughs and all the smalltalk they did without even looking at me for once. I hated Randall and the way he was picking on Gary. I hated this fucking stripper for being such an arrogant prick. I hated Hoyt for reminding me of my teacher back in scool.

Maybe I will just continue being a clown without all of this shit. Maybe I`ll become a better version of a clown now that I am free of you. There is this money problem now but I will figure it out. Maybe I´ll find a new job as a bartender or I´ll just go my way and rob the pharmacy.

Now that I realize how much I hated it here I have to blow off some steam.

I gasp "Oh no!" a step back and another "I forgot to punsh out!"

One last look into their faces before I punch the clock with my fist until it falls off the wall. It feels good to see it lying there on the ground. I`m thinking about how time seemed to stand still around here. Because every day in this locker room was the same. This is my big fuck you to everyone looking at me right now. Why is it that now you can look at me as I go?

I laugh as I turn around.

The radio is playing a song that mentions my clown name. This kind of coincidence doesnt exist. Carnival is leaving the building but he is stilll here. A melodie stuck in their heads now Haunting them. The radio knows. Music always knows. Music knows your secrets. Who else knows about me? The invisible man is rising, becoming visible.

".....and turns to sorrow....king of all hear me call, hear my name is Carnival....."

I go down the stairs with an edding pen in my right hand. The bright yellow "Don`t forget to smile" sign reminds me of the day I got beaten up by those kids. This is not a place for real smiles. This is a place for fake smiles being painted on every morning. Painted onto sad, angry and worn out faces.

I cross out the words "Forget to" so now it says "Dont smile". Much better. Much more realistic for HaHas. Now you can look at this everytime you leave. Just like I had to look at the original version every day.

"I dance down the rest of the stairs. My name is Carnival keeps playing. keeps telling me that people finally know who I am. I kick the door open and there is light.

@impulsiveclown @will-you-be-there @jokerownsmysoul @missjoker96 @arthurskitten @lynnesm @nonnymousse @gwynplaine89 @ajokeformur-ray@damnrightobsessedwithim @sgtsavoytruffle @duhliriouss @flowerglitterwoman @thirstforfleck @spookyhome @iartsometimes @you-cant-cry-in-here @bustafatclownnut @jokerismyhubbie @check-out-this-joker @darknessisafriend @arthurhappyclown @neon-umbrella-for-stella @call-me-harley-quinn @arthurjokersgirl @raven-romanoff @ivedescoveredheathsjoker

@aarthurfleckk @mylovelycrazyworld @clownalog @ajokerfangirl @the-one-who-is-chaos @sabrinaeileensnape @

#arthur fleck #arthur fleck imagine #joker arthur fleck #arthur fleck fanfiction #arthur fleck fanfic #joker #joker fanfiction #joker fanfic #joker movie #joker 2019 #joker joaquin phoenix #joaquinphoenix #dc #fanfiction #arthur fleck imagines #joker imagines

15 notes · View notes

alchemist-shizun · 4 years ago

Text

Walking the tightrope

Read on Ao3!

Word Count: 6.018

Characters: Janus, Virgil, Roman, Emile, Andy. (Patton, Logan and Remus mentioned once.)

Pairing(s): Platonic Anxceit, past platonic Royality

Warning(s): Angst, shooting mention, abuse, toxic parent, yelling, death, suicide, self-harm implication, scars mention, hospital mention, overdose, major character death, funeral, panic attack mention, breathing difficulty, self-deprecation/self-loathing, crying, swearing

Summary: Janus moves into a new town due to a tragedy and makes friends with Virgil. As he learns to support his new friend, he realizes how much life sucks even in new beginnings. When another tragedy dawns on him, he decides he's going to try to prevent this from happening ever again.

A/N: Guess what? This started out as a vent fic and then turned out to be... whatever the hell that is. Please read the warnings carefully. As much as it sounds like the saddest and angstiest thing you'll ever read, I promise that it somewhat has a happy ending. I also don't know how I managed to write 6k words, don't ask. Hope you can still enjoy!

✾

So long to all of my friends

Every one of them met tragic ends

With every passing day

I'd be lying if I didn't say

That I miss them all tonight

And if they only knew what I would say

« I know how it feels. »

« To be the new one around? »

« To be the odd one out. »

« Mh. Doesn't seem like you like it much here. »

« Oh believe me, » the stranger turned to Janus, the zips of his leather jacket clattering against the wooden table they were sitting on. « I'm going to be the first one to blow this town. »

That got a chuckle out of Janus, which made the stranger extend his arm.

« My name is Virgil and I don't usually come up to people and be all friendly, but you know, outsiders might understand how I feel better than the locals. »

« The longing feeling to just head home already when everyone else is staring at you and pointing fingers? Yeah, I get it. » the boy nodded, smiling in exchange, then he took Virgil's hand. « I'm Janus. »

« Well Janus, » Virgil wanted to laugh at the odd coincidence of roman-rooted names. « Let's have some fun in hell while it lasts. »

« Oh I already went through and came back five times. It'll be a piece of cake. »

They let their water bottles meet like they were clinking two glasses of white wine together, ready to cheer for an important occasion.

Three months into their friendship and neither had surprisingly bailed out.

« Come on, » it was dark outside and they, of all places, were making use of the kids' park's yellow light lamps. « Confession time. » Virgil sat on one of the swings and motioned for Janus to join him.

« Is that some sort of town tradition? »

« Nah, I just never got to play thirty-six questions in my golden teenage years. »

Janus got onto the swing next to Virgil, moving slowly and humming lost in thought.

« What do you want to know? »

« Anything you want to tell that comes to your mind. That's how it works. »

« This thing has rules? » Janus raised an eyebrow and watched as the other giggled to himself.

« No, I just made them up. »

He rolled his eyes, still smiling in amusement and tried to travel around his mind for any notion: as much as they had stuck together for a while, they still didn't know each other to the core.

Virgil shifted in his seat, swinging slightly thanks to his feet moving against the ground.

They started off with simple facts, how one of them had stolen candy as a kid and got away with it, how they had never watched some of the most famous movies, how they had pretty unusual interests.

Then something clicked, like a door opening for a safer, bigger space they could enter.

« I came here because we were forced to run away. » Janus let out after a brief pause.

Virgil turned to him, now all serious and focused. Careful.

« We lived in a very small town and there was a pretty brutal shooting in my neighborhood. » he sighed heavily. « They didn't catch the shooters, there were possibilities of them coming again so we were immediately gotten to safety. At least … at least the ones who survived. »

The other boy bowed his head, unable to imagine how that must have felt, leaving your childhood home without a single notice of whether your other relatives or your friends were alive or not.

« To this day we haven't gotten news from the detectives. » Janus reminisced of when he used to spend entire days with Remus and Logan. They did say they were going to hang out that day but he was too busy with homework …

He didn't want to think about it anymore.

« Your turn. » he dryly said.

Virgil got the hint and looked up at the sky as if in search of an answer; he was more debating whether or not to open up entirely like he did. Was it too early? He surely didn't want to make him uncomfortable.

Yet there was like some sort of force pulling him, pushing him to say whatever came up to his mind instantly.

He decided to play it somewhat safe.

« I have some scars. »

« Oh yeah? Childhood ones? Or surgery- »

Virgil shrugged. « More like … accidents. » that was what they were. Terrible accidents he hated but couldn't help but make real.

Janus snorted, definitely not having understood the implication. « Do you need someone to prevent you from tripping over ladybugs? »

Virgil considered it.

« Actually, yes, yes I do. »

If I could be with you tonight

I would sing you to sleep

Never let them take the light behind your eyes

One day I'll lose this fight

As we fade in the dark

Just remember you will always burn as bright

It was another one of those nights and Janus was growing sick of it.

Couldn't there possibly be a way to sneak his friend out of such a horrible home situation? If only there were laws permitting something like adopting someone your age …

His phone buzzed on the nightstand and he took it immediately, words of emotional despair appeared on his chat with Virgil.

He was just so done with life and Janus could almost feel it through their chat client.

At first it didn't seem too unusual. Virgil would give him snippets of when he fought with his dad, nothing too serious.

But then he noticed the frequency with which they happened, and Virgil started trusting him enough to explain the entire conversations they had; or, better, what his dad yelled at him for either ten minutes to half an hour before he was done and let the poor boy seal himself in his bedroom.

The worst thing was while he would feel like the worst person existing in the entire universe for the entire night, his dad would already feel peaceful ten minutes later.

In the meantime, he also destroyed Virgil's psyche with every fight that happened.

Not that he cared or even realized. He would've probably laughed at that statement.

Janus was just furious.

It had been six months ever since he'd gotten to know Virgil and there was no way someone so wonderful was being treated like trash.

He picked up his phone and put it to his hear, waiting for the other to respond.

Of course, when Virgil greeted him, he could hear his broken voice like tiny pieces of glass that were already broken, being stepped on time and time again, becoming nothing but dust.

« What the hell happened? »

« The usual. » he heard him sniff. « I simply exist, but I do it wrong. »

« Virgil there's not right or wrong way to exist. »

« I know that. It's him that does not. Everytime he comes pissed off from work he just needs to take it out on any of us back home I just can't do it anymore. I was only typing on my computer, didn't even say a word and it led to him insulting me because he saw one book on the ground. »

« This is insane. He is insane and I'm going to get you out of there. »

Janus started pacing around his room.

« Please. In any way you can find, please do it. »

His heart sank at the urgency.

He still had no clue how to help, so he simply sat on his bed.

« How am I supposed to live like this for another probably five years with all the university stress I'm already going to have? »

« Does his yelling make you less motivated in studying? » maybe grounding him, finding exactly how he was affected, could help.

« I get unmotivated at everything. It's as if a depressive episode just hit you all at once while you were having a pretty okay day. I just … » there was a pause on the other side. « I really haven't told this to anyone else because I was always scared of it. »

Janus was immobile. « Go on. »

« Everytime he even just looks at me with a hint of disgust or any general negative connotation I already feel awful. And when he criticizes me to the point of insulting me it's even worse and it's like all of his negativity transformed into self-loathing in me. »

He bit his lip: he really wanted to punch a man.

« Basically, you believe everything he says. »

« In the long run it's impossible not to have all those degrading adjectives marked in your brain. But it doesn't end there. I feel so angry at myself, not because I wasn't smart enough to prevent the fight but because I can't help myself. No matter what I do, it's always going to end bad. »

« And it's not like you can talk back either. »

« Oh no, » he chuckled sadly. « I'd make everything worse. I just say nothing and wait for him to let it all out. And then … then I leave and that's where the scary part comes. »

« You mentioned it earlier … what scares you? » Janus was afraid of the answer.

« Uh, well. You know how I said that I become incredibly self-hating? It's like this ball of anger at the pit of my stomach and it's as if something inside me were telling me to hurt myself to make it stop. »

« Hurt yourself? » he really didn't like where that was going.

« I hate it as much as you do, but it's a thing I don't control. It's this part of me that keeps screaming in my head or I won't be satisfied. So I do it, I … those scars I told you about, I did them. It's the only way I have so far that quiets down my anger instantly. And what scares me is … sometimes I don't even regret it when I truly realize it. »

Janus considered what to say, he didn't want to overreact or scare him even more than how much he already was.

« Okay, I think maybe you don't regret it because you feel better afterwards, right? »

« Possibly. »

« As for it being the only solution you have. You have already considered having a distraction but it didn't work, probably. Is that because you feel like you can't do it by yourself? »

There was some silence on the other side, so he gave Virgil all the time he needed to come to terms with his feelings.

« Alone I'm sure I can't do anything. I mean, look at what kind of conditions I'm in right now. »

Janus sighed. « Then let's do this. Let's talk like this everytime you feel like that. »

« Janus- »

« Give me a code word you can text me and I'll ring you immediately. »

« J, I already did it. Tonight, I did it, I did it before I was able to write to anyone. » his voice felt choked, like he was about to cry again.

« Hey, it's okay. I'm not mad at you. The important thing is you got yourself treated. Breathe. »

After some more words of reassurance, Janus told him to lie down while keeping his phone close.

He sat with his back against the wall instead, an idea in mind.

« You like My chemical romance, don't you? »

« This is not a good time to shame my musical preferences. » he let out a chuckle. « But yes, I do. »

« Okay then, close your eyes. »

« What, is Gerard Way going to appear in my room once I open them again? »

Janus mentally slapped his arm. « Will you just work with me? »

« Alright, eyes closed. »

The boy took a deep breath, before starting to hum a song Virgil immediately recognized.

It surprisingly worked, as he focused only on Janus's voice and the way his singing differed from the original, how it was softer due to the hour, how everything felt better when you didn't think of the world surrounding you.

« Just remember you will always burn as bright. »

Soon enough, Virgil wasn't responding anymore and Janus ended the call, settling into bed as well with one horrible thought.

How long until Virgil couldn't endure that anymore?

Be strong and hold my hand

Time, it comes for us, you'll understand

We'll say goodbye today

And I'm sorry how it ends this way

If you promise not to cry

Then I'll tell you just what I would say

He should've known.

Ever since he heard a knock on the door so late at night he should have known something was wrong.

Virgil appeared on the other side of the door, looking distraught as though there had been a ghost instead of his friend right in front of him.

« I did something bad. » it was like he didn't even believe his own words.

Janus's eyes widened. « What happened? »

And then, for some reason, he seemed to withdraw.

« It's nothing- I just … Can you come out? »

Janus stepped outside, a little weirded out by the sudden request as it was almost midnight.

Talking to his friend didn't seem to be an option; he just kept quiet, he was distressed and wiping away at his silent tears, trying to not make Janus notice as he steadied himself by holding his hand.

If only he'd understood sooner.

Virgil led him to a spot, a little hill nearby the city you could reach by walking about fifteen minutes from their little neighborhood. There was none at that time, just a lonely bench.

Yet the upset boy preferred to sit on the grass.

« Will you tell me what's bothering you? »

« I just don't want to be alone right now. » Virgil responded through the tears.

Janus felt anxiety rising in his chest as he murmured an “okay” and strengthened the grip around the other's hands.

Only a beat of silence before the world came crashing down and the sky fell on their heads.

Virgil launched himself at Janus and hugged him with all the might that was left in his body. He felt arms around him hugging him back, hearing words of concern he didn't want to answer because once he voiced reality it would have become too true and he was too scared to accept it.

Tic, tac, time was running out.

« I took some pills. » he blurted out.

He felt hands on his shoulders pulling him back.

« What? What pills? How many? »

Janus's stare was unbearable, he couldn't look up anymore, it felt too heavy. Too heavy, too much.

« I don't know, » his shaking hands wiped away a tear. « All of them! » he yelled, finally. He gasped for air right after, he thought this was because of his crying, but he sure as hell knew his body was starting to shut down.

« All of them?! » he could feel the tears in Janus's voice as his grip on his shoulders tightened.

Virgil started sobbing again and brought his hands to his face. « Please don't leave. » he murmured.

« I won't. I- » Janus was shaking as well, he had just sent a text for someone to call an ambulance. What else could he do? « How long has it been since you took them? »

Virgil shook his head violently. « Too long- too late. »

« It's never too late. The doctors will arrive soon- »

« Late. It's- They won't. Not in. Time. » he wasn't able to talk properly anymore, he wasn't sure whether it was a panic attack or his respiratory system failing him. « Almost three hours ago. »

« Three … » Janus was shocked.

He was suddenly stiff. Three hours was enough for a person to die of overdose.

« I was scared to go alone … » Virgil admitted through the tears again, not looking up, fear stuck in his throat. « I needed to see you one last time. »

Janus was took over by an uncontrollable need; he took the other's face in his hands and forced him to look at him. « You should've called me. » he retorted, trying to repress the sobs.

« I couldn't. I'm sorry. » Virgil put his hands on the other's arms. He apologized again and over again until Janus told him he didn't have to and he didn't need to be forgiven for anything.

« You're angry. »

« I'm heartbroken, Virgil. You didn't get what you deserved because of the horrible people surrounding you. That's not fair! » his voice rose at the last sentence. Yes, he was actually angry, but not at him. He was many things and felt many things at once and he didn't know how to handle those feelings again.

« I don't want you to go. » he had hugged him instantly, because seeing his face meant it was happening, while looking at the dark meant absolutely nothing.

« It's okay. »

« No, it's not. »

There were sirens in the distance.

None of them said a thing in their embrace for a whole minute, their silence broken only by the occasional sobs.

« Janus- »

He could feel Virgil's heart rate slowing down.

« No. No, no- »

The ambulance was coming, they could make it.

« I love you. »

« I love you too, just don't give up. »

« I think I will … lie down. »

Virgil's head dropped on Janus's shoulder: the other moved so he could rest part of his body on his lap.

« Hey J. When you see my dad again … » Janus lifted an eyebrow, he had been caressing his friend's hair in a state of panic for the past minutes. « Tell him he can go fuck himself. »

Janus let out some laughter that almost came off as hysterical with the state he was in.

« I will. I will, Virgil. I'll punch him for you. » he promised with a broken voice.

Virgil sadly smiled at him before closing his eyes one last time.

« Remember … » he whispered, voice low and cracked. « Take care of yourself. »

One last wish.

And he was gone.

Janus immediately doubled over himself, longing for screaming right then and there, instead he kept quiet, his face buried in a dead body.

Right after, he felt two arms lifting him up, he wouldn't have been able to register whatever had happened until the day after.

Those were the doctors.

They could make it, he had thought, stupidly.

Janus could only perfectly recall one moment of that night, when, at three a.m., as soon as he had gotten into a decent mental state to go back home, he reached what once was Virgil's household, knocking on the door.

And, when Virgil's father answered it, he punched him in the face.

If I could be with you tonight

I would sing you to sleep

Never let them take the light behind your eyes

I'll fail and lose this fight

Never fade in the dark

Just remember you will always burn as bright

Three days.

Three days is all it takes to organize a funeral.

Three days weren't enough for Janus to accept that any of that had been happening.

On the morning right after his death, his mother had commented on how there were news of a student's death and how terrible they were. Then she had looked at her son's shattered expression, his red eyes and marked eye bags.

She had frowned deeply and caught him in a long-lasting hug, understanding.

He didn't remember what happened on the second day apart from him staying in bed for far longer than necessary.

And then there he was.

All dressed up for the occasion on a Saturday morning, ten o'clock in the front rows of a building for a religion Virgil didn't even believe in.

Thankfully his family was on the opposite side of Janus's seating place.

Funerals were those types of events you couldn't miss, but that you couldn't also wait to leave; you promised yourself you wouldn't cry and yet tears would pool in your eyes at any heartfelt confession made, even the most fake ones.

Anything remotely sad is able to break you down where you're on the verge of weeping.

Still, choking back tears was the usual answer.

Janus looked up when Virgil's sister stood and walked in front of the altar, she was holding a letter and a microphone with both of her shaking hands.

She began talking about her brother and their childhood experiences, all the siblings stuff one would expect. Then she mentioned the letter in her hand.

It was a note Virgil had left before meeting with Janus. Something he knew nothing about.

She wanted to read it aloud.

He zoned out for most of it, not registering her voice like he actually didn't want to know. He caught glimpses of memories of his past and present, of the real people who cared, not one mention of his dad was made.

Then he heard his name and suddenly he couldn't focus anywhere else.

« I've only known him for a little less than a year and yet he's been better than anyone I had ever met in my eighteen years of existence. »

Janus put his hands on his face. How dare he leave him like that?

« It's going to hurt. Don't blame yourself. You couldn't prevent this. It was a choice I made alone. I know it sucks and it's selfish, but I wanted a way out. I'm glad I'm getting to spend my last instants with you and that I got to meet you in time. I'll greet you on the other side when time will come. »

She looked up at him and was met with a longing look that hoped she was over and done with that. She gave him a small nod and smile, then went back to read the conclusion.

Janus wanted to laugh, laugh and cry and curse Virgil.

The rest of the ceremony went by and it was now his turn to bid his last farewell.

He knew words were useless when it came to those situations, so instead he gently leaned in and started off humming a familiar melody.

« If I could be with you tonight, I would sing you to sleep. »

He wanted to reach out and shake him, tell him he knew he was pretending to be asleep and it was all a big prank so he could leave his family and run away.

Janus would've gone with him.

The light behind your eyes

Virgil looked like he'd taken the form of a storm cloud.

His skin gray, almost non human. Fully clothed with a suit he would've hated, Janus could hear his usual groan in his memories, which made him sadly laugh.

He looked cold and dead and too real and he hated it.

The light behind your

Janus closed his eyes only for a second.

A second in which that whole night came back to him; he felt Virgil's arms surrounding his chest, tears soaking his shirt, panic rising in his lungs.

He wished he could hold him again, take him away and let him into a safer zone.

Instead Janus's mind took him to the instant he watched as Virgil's eyes darkened, as if you could turn off a star, as if you could turn off the sun with a click.

Sometimes we must grow stronger and

You can't be stronger in the dark

When I'm here, no longer

You must be stronger and

The Monday after, Janus felt himself pushed by an incredibly strong and ardent force.

He had gone to school no problem under the aghast stare of his parents, impatiently waiting for the bell to ring for break time. Perfect, as he dared to admit they were, ideas had started to squirm in his mind ever since the funeral.

As he had gotten out of the church, he remembered meeting Virgil's sister, she had given him a hug, showing him how there was a spot in Virgil's letter she hadn't read in which he asked her to do so.

Right after that, his mother had approached him, knowing how close they were, she had uncomfortably mentioned the school therapist Virgil had wanted to meet, doctor Picani.

Emile Picani walked right past him as Janus had started going on the search for his next class.

« Excuse me, »

The doctor turned around in no time, a calm smile placed on his lips. « May I help you? » he spoke softly.

There was no way he didn't know who he was, given that the news of Virgil's suicide had ran around pretty quickly.

« Yes, I was actually looking for you. I'm Janus Dean, from the senior year, I was hoping I could ask you a favor. » there was a sort of electric buzz in his chest as he watched Emile furrow his eyebrows in interest.

« A favor? Therapy sessions aren't a favor I do for students, sweetie, it's my job. » he explained kindly.

Yeah, he didn't get it.

« That's not what I was looking for. I need another kind of help. » he tried, this time Emile simply nodded, letting him finish so he could understand.

« I know this is not the biggest city but as we've seen it doesn't mean there aren't people who need help, even with the smallest things, especially when they're young and experiencing hard struggles for the first time, »

« What I want to try to do is organize a support group made by youth for youth here in this school. I know Virgil was too afraid to actually come to you and I know there are more kids who would rather express their issues to people their age cause that's what happens everyday with online friends. »

« People understanding each other because they're going through the exact same thing at the same time, thus they can empathize so much better and feel at ease. I'm not trying to downgrade your job, on the contrary I wanted both your help to set this up and … well, I was hoping to be able to host it by myself so I'd need a hand on how I should … behave? » he finally looked up at the doctor, breathless.

Picani was smiling the widest he'd ever seen anyone do.

« Janus you are the most incredible person I have ever met. I would love to help! But at one condition: I'm going to stay with you in the first support meetings, then, when we agree you can handle it on your own, I'll leave you be. »

Janus's face lit up with hope and excitement, he sputtered out multiple thank yous and, afterwards, they set a day to work on their project and contact the school's principal to get the permission they needed.

He started walking towards a class he'd have had in ten minutes when he heard a younger voice call him. Janus turned around and found a boy he'd only noticed once or twice in the halls, he only remembered him heading for theatre club at times while he was leaving for home.

« Sorry, I couldn't help but overhear your conversation with doctor Picani. My name is Roman and I just wanted to say that … well, in short I have gone through a similar thing as you are right now, some years ago. » he looked down, reminiscing of his own experience.

Had Janus lived in that city long enough, he would've known of a middle school student's suicide case, Patton Jones.

« I always had this longing feeling to do something about it but I had felt hopeless until now. What I'm trying to say is, if you need help with your idea, I'd be more than happy to assist. »

Janus hoped that Virgil had been watching over him on that day, because that was the first time he felt like the wind was blowing his way.

« Thank you, Roman. You can already come to Picani's studio tomorrow after class if you'd like. » the other boy gave him a nod. « Until then. » they exchanges smiles and parted ways.

His project was going to see the light of day and there was nothing else he would've asked for in the world right then.

If I could be with you tonight

I would sing you to sleep

Never let them take the light behind your eyes

I failed and lost this fight

Never fade in the dark

Just remember you will always burn as bright

It took maybe a month for the support group to finally be successful: at first it was only Janus and Roman, waiting for people to show up and thus chatting along with the school's therapist.

Things started off as awkward until they worked together so well that more and more people were encouraged to show up.

Christmas holidays were drawing near and Janus was nothing but amazed at how far they had come.

He had just said goodbye to his co-host, Roman, and given Emile that session's achievements when he caught someone standing in front of the room's door as soon as he opened it.

« Oh? »

That couldn't be real.

There was a definitely younger boy standing before him, hands in pockets and the same grumpy expression he used to see on Virgil's face. He … he did somehow resemble some of Virgil's traits.

Janus shook that thought off of his head, reminding himself it was probably only because of their similar clothing choice.

When he noticed him, the stranger's eyes widened.

« Can I help you? »

« No, I was just- Well … »

« Did you want to listen? »

The boy probably took that as an attack as he retreated and made himself smaller in his black hoodie.

« It's okay if so, people can come and listen and not say a word if they aren't comfortable with talking. We want it to be a safe space for everyone, without being judged. »

He seemed to consider, standing still. « Okay. I'll see. »

« Well, » the older boy extended his arm. « My name is Janus, pleased to meet you either way. »

He gave him a weak smile. « I'm Andy. »

« Well then Andy, I'll see you around or at next week's meeting? »

Andy nodded and looked down, still hunched over himself; they waved at each other and went home.

It was nothing more than two days later that Janus found Andy sitting at the same wooden table he and Virgil had met.

All those coincidences were making him both dizzy and filled with energy: he reached his new acquaintance and sat with him.

« I know how it feels. » he found himself saying.

Immediately a pair of dark eyes were set on him, a questioning look in them.

« Being the odd one out isn't fun, is it? »

« I guess. I just want to finish high school and leave this town. Living with your parents this much can be unbearable. »

There was some silence, before Janus resumed talking.

« I can perfectly understand. You know, I actually had a similar conversation at this very table one year ago. »

Andy seemed to catch on what he meant right away, he looked up at Janus for the first time, finding a confident young man in front of him.

Janus let his head rest on his palm.

« When he used to vent to me, I'd be able to soothe him with a song sometimes. I'm not saying this exact song would help you in particular, but the concept of it can. Find one peculiar song that grounds you, make it yours for when you need it. »

Andy kept watching him as he explained. He looked at him as though a guardian angel had just dawned on him. How did he know of his profound passion for music?

« And you'll see that soon, unbearable will become conquerable. » he looked at Andy with seriousness in his eyes, but spoke with a kind voice. « Remember to always take care of yourself. »

He sat up. « I will leave you alone now. » he chuckled. « B- »

« No! »

Both of them stared at each other in surprise.

« I mean, » Andy cleared his throat. « You can stay if you want. »

Janus smiled at him and nodded: sitting back down, he noticed Andy's much wider smile.

« So, what music do you listen to? »

The light behind your eyes

He couldn't believe he had come that far.

Janus walked down a street in town, a few years older, his face's structure bolder, his mood as high as ever when he was about to approach the building where his organization resided.

Which was kind of surprising as it was the anniversary of Virgil's death.

Janus was satisfied, to say the least.

He recalled a conversation he had had years prior with Emile Picani about what profession he was thinking of going for and, without missing a beat, he had answered he wished to follow the path of clinical psychology as well.

He had found his call, becoming a therapist and hoping to help as many people as he could: he now was a full time therapist, with his own studio, also visiting schools and participating in the nightly Community Support Group he had founded along Roman.

Sometimes he crossed paths with Emile and, now kind of colleagues, they shared each other's words of wisdom and finally talked more as friends than as mentor and student.

The support group had grown into a pretty big organization and he had succeeded into raising awareness at least in the town he lived in; of course, the challenge was to extend it further, but ending up on local newspapers and in broadcasting services was already a good start, along with multiple online platforms he was trying to maintain with the help of both Roman, Emile and every kid who offered their help.

Their main goal as of then was to expand the meetings to different issues so they could try and work on more specific problems instead of having a messy general one.

Janus stopped to look at the poster on the building's wall.

Some graphic design students had designed the support group flyer: it showcased mainly a picture of Virgil, since they had founded that group in his honor.

It was his favorite picture of Virgil, with his soft smile and that sparkle in his eyes he could still notice even after seeing it leaving his irises firsthand.

It didn't matter what he saw, though, cause his memory lived in him, he lived through him and he knew he would have been proud of him.

Janus looked away with an enormous sense of nostalgia and walked up the stairs.

« Just remember you will always burn as bright. »

Janus entered the building, taking with himself the light behind Virgil's eyes.

#purp's writings #janus sanders #virgil sanders #emile picani #roman sanders #ts andy #read the warnings #angst #fanfiction #sanders sides #ts fanfic

72 notes · View notes

thestarsaroundyourscars · 5 years ago

Note

“Are you fucking kidding me?” and “Don’t make it into a big deal.” + reddie please? hi i miss you! ily!!!

Hi, I miss you too dear. I hope you’re doing well and that you enjoy this prompt. LOVE YOU

Read on AO3

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Hey Eds." Richie greeted him as soon as Eddie opened the door. He was leaning against the wall, which was probably the only reason why he hadn’t plummeted to the ground. He looked terrible. Still, he was giving Eddie a lopsided grin through his mask. "Good to see you again."

"What the fuck happened to you?"

"Oh, this?" Richie asked, gesturing down at himself and huffing out a laugh. "This is nothing. Don't make it into a big deal."

Eddie narrowed his eyes at him, bewildered. "Don't make it into a⎼ Richie! You're bleeding all over my fucking carpet!"

Richie looked down and grimaced. "I'll get you a new one."

Eddie let out a sigh. "Just come in before one of my neighbors sees you and calls the police." He moved aside so Richie could stumble inside. He almost fell over and Eddie had to slide under his arm to keep him on his feet and help him to the couch.

Eddie left him there while he went to get his first aid kit, turning on the lights of his apartment on the way back to the living room. It was then that he noticed that his hands and his sleeping shirt were all covered in Richie's blood. Which meant Richie was bleeding all over his couch. Again. Damn it.

It all started a few weeks ago.

Eddie was walking past the dumpster next to his apartment building after a night shift when he heard a loud noise inside. At first he thought it was a rat or maybe a dog searching for food in the garbage, but then he heard a voice⎼ a male voice, humming a song that Eddie faintly recognized.

He pinched his nose and poked his head over the edge of the dumpster, seeing a man dressed completely in black with a mask pulled haphazardly over his face. The part that was visible was bloody and swollen and most of his clothes were ripped. Eddie immediately pulled his phone out to call the police or an ambulance, but the man loudly protested. With difficulty, he dragged himself out of the dumpster, repeatedly telling Eddie that he would be fine⎼

Just before he passed out, right there in the alley.

Eddie couldn't possibly leave him there and it didn’t feel right to call someone when the mystery man was so clearly against it, so he carried him inside, feeling grateful that he lived on the first level and wouldn’t have to drag him up a flight of stairs.

He stitched up his numerous puncture wounds and iced his bruised eye but he couldn't do anything about his two or three broken ribs and his probable concussion. Still, no matter how many times he tried to convince Richie to let Eddie take him to the hospital once he woke up, Richie wouldn't let him. And when he asked for a reason he simply told Eddie that the less you know about me, the better before disappearing through the fire escape.

The next day Eddie had arrived to work and heard about the two men that had been admitted the night before after a man in black clothing interrupted their attempts at robbing a bodega. It didn’t take a lot for Eddie to connect the two, very obvious dots, together.

It became routine after that. Now that Richie knew what he did and where he lived, everytime he would get hurt doing⎼ whatever it was that he did, he would show up at Eddie’s door so he could fix him up. Eddie pretended to be annoyed but he couldn't help feeling like this way he was helping Richie fight crime.

"What was it this time?" Eddie asked, dropping to his knees next to the couch, pulling out his stitching kit.

"Two thugs trying to steal a couple’s car at gunpoint."

Eddie nodded abstently before his face pulled into a frown. "Wait, gunpoint?" He lifted Richie's black hoodie. "Are these fucking gunshot wounds?"

"Some of them." Richie said with a shrug but his face twisted in pain when the movement made the holes in his stomach bleed more. "The other guy had a knife."

"Richie⎼"

"I know what you're going to say but no hospitals, Eds." He said, letting out a hiss when Eddie rolled him over to check his back for exit wounds.

Eddie let out a huff. "Fine. Lucky for you, this gunshot wounds look pretty through and through and it doesn't look like they hit any internal organs." He explained. "Stitches should be enough."

Richie’s mask only covered half of his face allowing Eddie to see the huge grin he gave him, crooked teeth and all. "See? Why would I need a hospital when I have my own doctor here."

Eddie snorted. "I'm not a doctor."

"No.” Richie said, grin growing bigger. “You're my sexy nurse."

Eddie felt his face go hot. He hoped the pain would keep Richie from noticing the way he was blushing. "Stay still okay?"

"Yes, sir." Richie said, taking a deep breath just as Eddie stuck the needle into his skin. "Holy shit." He groaned, squeezing his eyes shut behind the mask.

"Sorry. I don't have anything for the pain."

Richie shook his head, gripping the back of the couch with his hand. "It's okay. I’m okay. You should see the other guys. They got the worst of it."

Eddie snorted, shaking his head. "I'm sure they did."

He would probably find out tomorrow when he walked into work to find them handcuffed to a hospital bed with several injuries and a mouth full of trash. Literally. It was sort of Richie's signature. Leaving the bad guys tied up where the police could find them after sticking trash in their mouths. It was what earned him his nickname⎼ Trashmouth. He was thrilled the first time he heard it and started insisting that Eddie called him that. Eddie didn’t. Instead, he forced Richie to tell him his real name because I think I deserve to know the fucking name of the idiot I'm giving free medical care to.

"I just don't understand why you insist on doing this."

"Because I'm good at what I do, Eds."

"The only thing you're good at is taking a beating." Eddie shot back with no real heat. They had this conversation every time Richie showed up, but Eddie was yet to be able to convince him to stop. "You should at least get some kind of body armor or something."

"It would only slow me down."

"You know what else will slow you down?" Eddie asked, cleaning up the blood so he could dress the wounds with clean gauze. "Dying."

"Aw Eds, are you worried about me?"

"No.” Eddie said with a huff, the tips of his ears burning. “I'm worried about how I’ll explain a masked man bleeding to death on my couch to the police."

"You would never let me bleed out. You're too good at what you do."

"Is that why you keep ending up here?"

"That and the fact that I enjoy seeing your cute little face." Richie said with a wink.

"Shut up." Eddie said, wrapping gauze around Richie's middle. Not for the first time, Eddie found himself wondering what Richie's own face looked like behind that mask. He already liked what he could see⎼ his pretty blue eyes, the freckles dusted across his cheeks, his big lopsided grin. A part of him was glad he couldn't see the whole thing, it would make stitching him up all the more difficult with how distracted he would be. He shook his head, getting distracted now just by thinking about it. "There. You're all set."

"Thank you, Doctor K."

Eddie smiled, pulling Richie's hoodie down. "Not a doctor, but you’re welcome." He said, standing up and starting to gather his stuff. "You can spend the night here if you want. Get some rest."

Richie shook his head. "As much as I would love to sleep here with you⎼"

"You’d be sleeping on the couch⎼"

"I should get going." He finished, pushing himself to his feet with a grunt of discomfort.

"Are you sure?"

"Don't worry Eds, I'll probably stop by again soon enough."

"And by stop by do you mean stumble into my apartment, bleeding half to death?"

“Something like that, yeah.” Richie told him. Eddie rolled his eyes with a chuckle. “Would you rather I show up for dinner instead?" He added and Eddie was surprised to hear the serious tone in his voice. For someone who was so reluctant to tell Eddie anything about himself this sounded a lot like he was asking him on a date.

He narrowed his eyes at him. "Would you still wear your mask for that?"

"I could be persuaded to take it off." Richie said with a shrug. "Among other things."

Eddie snickered, shaking his head. "Right. Well, I have a night off next Friday."

"Yeah, okay.” Richie nodded. “It's a date."

"Try not to get yourself killed before that, yeah?"

Richie laughed while making his way to the fire escape. For some reason, he insisted on making his exit through there instead of the door, every time. It was more dramatic, he said.

"Yes, Doctor K." He said, half of his body out the window already.

"Still not a doctor!" Eddie called out just as Richie jumped down on the street with a groan of pain. "Fucking Trashmouth." He muttered under his breath, trying to fight off a stupid smile as he cleaned the blood from his apartment, already thinking about the next time he would see Richie.

Tag list: @daddyphantomtbh @yes-dillman-yes @richietoaster @beepbeeprichiellc @its-stranger-than-you-think @lemonaayyee @losers-gotta-stick-together @tinyarmedtrex @richiefuckfacetozier @sam-i-am2468 @stylesmelon @s-s-georgie @reddie-for-anything @eddiefuckinkaspbrak @constantreaderfool @hammockrichie @jesuschristsupruvestar @mirandonsky @reddie4diaster @alargedepresso @purplepoisonedgem @pan-ini @reddie-to-cry @reddieforlove @trashmouthnick @multi-fandom-wby @wheezyeds @nancynwheeler @reddieslashgeneralhorror @madi-personal @reddie-tozibrak @lover-mouth @atownofeggs @that-weird-girls-blog @appojoos @castielwinovak @a-gay-treee @twoidiotsinl0ve @fcngirltrxsh @spirited-marvel @typewrxter @rebecca-the-queen @juhavs @thegoshdiddlydangdoor @soooobr @purebloodqueen @call-me-bread (if you want to be added, let me know!)

#reddie #nurse eddie #vigilante richie #monse writes #di tag

290 notes · View notes

ikana-0777 · 4 years ago

Text

Dianakko Week Day 4/5

I decided to combine the prompts for Day 4 and 5 for @dianakko-week to make an AU Hurt/Comfort fic. so.. technically it’s still just day 5 but shh shh Warning for Hanahaki and angst. There’s mentions of blood, but nothing very extreme. You can read it on AO3 here.

Akko knew that it was hopeless to feel this way, but she never expected it to be this bad.

The red, blue, and green teams all met up for a late night hangout in the green team's dorm. Everyone had become such close friends recently, even Hannah and Barbara. Everything was going perfectly well and they were all having fun, when Amanda had the bright idea of--

"Who wants to play a game of truth or dare?"

That dreadful game. Amanda shot a knowing look at Akko and winked. Akko gulped, realizing exactly what Amanda was trying to do. It was no secret that Akko was head over heels for Diana. Even for her standards, she was overly affectionate with Diana, and she always had a dopey smile on her face while she was hanging out with her. So naturally, everyone's gazes in the room turned towards Akko and Diana. Akko had no idea where to look, so she nervously turned to watch Diana's reaction.

Diana took a drink from her cup of tea, as dignified as always. She then looked over at Amanda with a calm expression. "I don't mind, so long as you respect boundaries. Games like these have a tendency to take rather inappropriate turns."

Amanda chuckled in response, grinning mischievously. "Don't worry, princess, I'm not gonna make you do anything too weird."

Diana raised an eyebrow in response. Akko watched the exchange, usually silent. She started to play with her thumbs and smiled uncertainly. Amanda shot her a look that only meant trouble. Before she could speak up in protest, Amanda already pointed to Diana and started talking. "Which is why you're up first! Boring people always get the first go. So, your majesty, truth or dare?"

"Truth." Diana answered quickly.

" Booo. What a lame answer." Amanda gave her a thumbs down, disappointed.

"Do you want me to play or not?"

"Fine, fine. Just gimme a sec' to think of something good." Amanda leaned back against the bed and closed her eyes, putting her hands behind her head.

Akko could tell she had a very clear idea in her head already, and nervously looked between Diana and Amanda. Her face was starting to grow red, and she tried to mouth to Amanda "don't you dare", but Amanda just gave a thumbs up in response. Akko facepalmed in response. Her self-proclaimed wing-man was going to be the end of her. Amanda then "got an idea" and opened up her eyes.

"Alright, since you picked truth, you got any crushes, Cavendish?"

Akko wanted to scream. She avoided looking at Diana, unaware that Diana herself froze up. Amanda was suddenly thinking twice about her decision, as Diana looked towards the ground, cold. She took a second or two to speak up, only to sigh.

"Love is not something I concern myself with. I have far more important duties to take care of, with the Cavendish household. So to answer your question, no. I have no crushes, or romantic feelings for anyone. There's no need for me to have an heir at this moment either, so suitors are not something I am seeking either."

The room fell silent afterwards. Amanda was stunned. She then rubbed the back of her neck, cringing. "Yeesh, Diana, you're way gloomier than I thought. What's up with all that stuck-up noble shit?"

"It is not 'stuck-up noble shit', Amanda, it's simply my responsibility."

"Same thing. C'mon, there has to be at least someone you've been thinking of."

"Not at all."

"Even--?" Akko suddenly stood up, forcing a smile onto her face. "I-- I'm going to the bathroom. Be right back!"

She quickly headed out of the room, not bothering to look back at everyone. She headed down the halls before making her way into a bathroom, where she looked in the mirror. She felt pitiful. She knew this stupid crush of hers was hopeless, but even though Diana said all that, she still didn't feel any different about her. Even if it was one-sided love, she couldn't get over it. She started to sniffle, then cough. Her throat felt like it was burning up. She coughed more into her hand, before realizing something. She opened up her palm.

There, she found a small blue rose petal among a bit of blood.

"... Why did I ever think it was going to work out?"

She laughed empty to herself, wiping her hand off on her pajama pants. There was no point in going back to the others now, so she decided to just head on off to her own dorm. She could explain things later. For now, she just needed some rest.

When she woke up in the morning, still coughing up petals, she thought it was just one of Sucy's many potions. She had no doubt that Sucy would spike her punch with some strange concoction that made flowers grow in her throat. When she confronted Sucy though, she seemed to have no idea what Akko was talking about.

"I'm telling you, I'm coughing up flower petals! What the heck did you do this time!?" Akko grit her teeth at Sucy, fuming.

"If I was going to make you cough up anything, it'd be mushrooms. At least I could use those for something." Sucy dismissed her, continuing to work on her latest poison. "You're getting immune to too many things anyway. It's not fun."" Ugh , you're hopeless!" Akko huffed and stormed off, slamming the door behind her.

Sucy glanced over in her direction, thinking for just a moment about what it was. She then shrugged and turned back to her potions. "Not my problem."

For the next few weeks, it wasn't too hard to deal with them. She talked to Ursula about what it could be, but she didn't seem to know either. The petals weren't really bothering her, so it wasn't too big of a deal. She just needed to make sure to cough them all out before classes so no one noticed. Specifically, Diana. Akko couldn't bear to stress her out with even more of her problems. Plus, being around Diana lately was becoming harder and harder. Everytime she was near her, her chest hurt. It felt harder to breathe, like she was suffocating. The flowers always seemed to get worse too whenever she was near her, and Akko couldn't figure out why. Diana was so good to her, it was just that Akko knew she wasn't good enough for Diana. So, she just had to power through this strange sickness on her own.

Eating was the really the only hard part. Of course with her luck, she had to be cursed with roses in particular. As the days went on, she could feel the petals starting to grow into full-on flowers. Thorns were beginning to cut into the walls of her throat, and every time she swallowed food they dug in deeper. She ignored the pain in spite of this, even if she couldn't eat as much. Every time someone asked her about it, she managed to dismiss it. She's dealt with way worse in the past, due to her many failures at magic. Besides, she could still attend classes, so she knew she had to focus on that. How was she going to become a great witch if she let something like this bother her? All she had to do was remember to try and cough up the flowers before they grew too large. It wasn't any trouble at all.

Or so she thought, until one particular flight class.

She still wasn't perfect at flying, but she was improving at a steady pace. She could fly just a bit higher than six feet off the ground, and she was gradually building up speed. She broke twenty-five miles per hour finally, and was starting to catch up with the rest of her class. For this class in particular, she wanted to challenge herself to go way faster than ever before. At first, her gaze turned over to Diana for help. Diana was flying as perfect as always, and Akko knew that she was her best bet. But, she still felt that horrible pang in her heart, and her throat was starting to clog up again. It was becoming harder and harder to be around Diana, so she decided to fly up to Amanda instead, forcing a grin as her idea went into motion.

"Hey hey, Amanda! Do you think you could give me a boost?"

Amanda looked at her, confused for a moment, but then gave a proud grin back. "You sure you're up for it?"

"Of course! I gotta get faster!"

"Alright then. Hang on tight!"

Akko confidently held onto Amanda's broom with one hand, while the other held tightly onto her own broom. She started to cough, but hid her face by her shoulder. She noticed a few more petals than normal and even a thorn, and worriedly glanced at Amanda to see if she noticed. To her relief, Amanda didn't seem to notice at all, focused on flying.

"Here we go!" Amanda shouted, before suddenly speeding up with her broom.

Akko yelped, surprised for just a second. She then grinned from the adrenaline, and waited for the right moment to let go. After breaking far faster than her normal speed, she let go of Amanda's broom and held on tight to her own, trying to maintain her speed. Amanda slowed down to watch Akko zoom off from the sidelines.

"Look at you go, Kagari!" She cheered Akko on, starting to clap.

Akko was amazed. She had flown many times before, but never this fast on her own. She started to laugh from excitement, and pushed herself even more. However, she started to notice it was getting pretty hard to breathe. With the wind moving in her face, her throat was clogging up. Her vision turned blurry, and before she knew it, someone shouted her name before everything turned to black.

Akko woke up in the nurse's office hours later in a daze. It was way harder to breathe than ever before, and her throat burned horribly. She looked around to see a bloody towel with stains of blue on the side table, alongside some scissors and other medical supplies. There were a few wilted roses in the trash as well. She figured that she probably coughed up too much while she was out cold, and the nurse took care of it. Slowly, she managed to sit up and take a look around. Her eyes widened in shock, as she realized that Diana had been the one nursing her. The blonde girl was over by the medicine shelves, searching for something and muttering worriedly. There was a book open nearby with some text in it that Akko couldn't understand, but a very clear drawing of someone growing flowers from their mouth.

".. Di.. ana...?" She grimaced from the sound of her own weak voice.

Diana suddenly turned to face her. She sighed, relieved. "You're finally awake.." she spoke lightly, "I'm glad, your fall had us worried to death. How do you feel?"

Akko frowned and put her hand up to her throat. She winced. The flowers were already growing back, and far larger. Diana seemed to realize that and took the lack of response as an answer. She moved over to Akko's side pulling up a chair, frowning.

"Akko.. why didn't you tell me about this? I could have helped you. You know of my family's legacy. We specialize in magic illnesses such as this. It would've been easy for me to identify and cure early on."

Diana almost sounded betrayed in Akko's mind. It just hurt Akko more to have the girl closer. She looked away from Diana, staring at her own hands instead. "I didn't want to worry you. You've got a lot on your plate as it is, with your house and stuff. I didn't really want to worry anyone, so I only told Ursula about it. Well, Sucy too, but that was more of an accident. It's not that big of a deal, r-really."

"Akko.."

Diana hesitated for a moment, before taking Akko's hands. It felt unusual to be the one doing this, but she felt it was right. She had no idea what Akko was really going through. Diana gave her a small smile, doing her best to comfort Akko. "You can always rely on me. I'll always make time for you. Please, don't ever feel you can't share your troubles with me. I care for you. You're so important to me, and that won't ever change."

Diana squeezed Akko's hands, reassuringly. Akko's face scrunched up in response. She moved her hands away from Diana's, and wiped her face.

".. I-I'm sorry, Diana. I'm really sorry." Akko sniffled.

"You don't have to apologize. I promise, I'll--"

"N-No, not about that."

Akko interrupted Diana, much to the girl's confusion. Akko gripped the blanket she was under, pulling it closer to her. She didn't dare make eye contact. "It's.. i-it's just that I.. I--"

Akko started to cough heavily. Thorns, petals, and blood came out. She covered her mouth.

"Akko!"

Diana suddenly shouted, afraid. She grabbed the towel from before off the table and handed it to Akko. Akko accepted it, holding it up to her mouth. When the coughing subsided, she looked up at Diana, tears in her eyes. Diana felt her heart sink. She looked towards the shelves again.

"I've.. I've likely identified your illness. I can cure it with the right ingredients. Just give me a few minutes."

She was about to move over there, when Akko took her hand. Diana turned back towards Akko, confused.

".. Diana.."

Not knowing if she could really say it, she pulled Diana's face closer to hers, then kissed her on the cheek. It was only a few seconds, but Diana was stunned. She hadn't expected that at all, but she certainly understood what it meant. She put a hand up to where Akko had kissed her and just kept it there, processing everything. Surprisingly, after the awkward silence that ensued, Akko was the one who spoke up first.

".. I already know you don't feel the same way, so.. it's okay. I couldn't keep it in any longer. S-So, I'm sorry.."

Diana managed to collect herself. Everything clicked into place. She quickly shook her head, taking a deep breath. She took Akko's hands again, and spoke softly. "Akko.. your illness. It's called hanahaki. It's a rather rare magical affliction, for those who manage to learn of their soulmates. That in itself is a rarity, but the illness is far rarer. When one is so convinced that their soulmate doesn't love them in return, flowers begin to grow inside their throat and lungs. You start with merely coughing up petals, before the flowers begin to grow and take over your body. There are two cures for it."

Diana took a deep breath, as Akko simply listened, unsure what to say. Diana stared into Akko's red eyes, making sure Akko knew her words came from the heart.

".. One, cure it with a magical remedy, and lose the love for your soulmate. Or, two.. learn that you are loved in return. Akko, to me.. you are so, so very dear to me. It isn't that I never loved you in return. I know, now especially, that I feel strongly for you. What I said before.. it's just my worries for my responsibilities. I tried to place my responsibilities over my own personal desires yet again, and.. to make you suffer like this.. I'm so sorry. Akko, I really do love you. You mean everything to me."

She leaned in to kiss Akko on the lips, much to the smaller girl's surprise. It didn't last long, as the taste of blood and flowers hurt Diana, but there's a warm feeling that spread over the both of them. When Diana let go, Akko stared at her in awe. She could feel her throat starting to clear up, as all the flowers inside her wilted away, slowly beginning to dissolve into nothing. She reached up to her throat instinctively and pushed against it.

".. W-Woah woah woah, WHAAAT!?"

And of course, Akko being herself, suddenly turned red in the face and shouted, completely killing the tension in the air. Diana jolted, her hands quickly stiffening at her sides. The embarrassment from what she just said and did was starting to catch up, and her face began to flush. She covered her mouth and looked away. "D-Do I seriously have to make it clearer? How could I even?" She spoke quietly, avoiding eye contact.

"N-No, it's not that, it's just.. wow! I.. I um.. I don't know what to say?"

Akko laughed nervously and rubbed the back of her neck. The ceiling suddenly seemed very interesting to Akko, and she stared directly up at it. "I-I mean, I do.. y-you know, but um.. great!"

Diana didn't respond right away, finally looking back at Akko. She then laughed, genuinely, and gave Akko a warm smile. "I don't even know why I was surprised you acted this way. Only you could flip the mood in an instant."

"Hey, cut me some slack! I've been beating myself up about this for weeks!"

"I know, I know, I'm sorry I put you through that. Your reaction was cute and comforting, just as usual."

Akko grumbled from embarrassment. If she could turn any redder, she's sure she would've from that. Diana reached and cupped Akko's cheeks, turning her head to face her. Akko couldn't help but smile in return. Even if she was embarrassed, she was so happy.

"S-So.. Diana.." she stuttered out, ".. we're girlfriends now, right?"

Diana didn't have to think twice. "Yes, Akko. We're girlfriends now."

Akko grinned in response, suddenly reaching forward and hugging Diana tightly, giggling. "Sweet~! I promise, I'm gonna be the best girlfriend ever!"

Diana chuckled in response, resting her head on Akko's shoulder. "You already are."

Finally, Akko could release all her heart out to Diana, and Diana could in return. The soulmates knew they would be happy together for the rest of their lives. Neither of them could ever want anything more than to be with each other.

#diakko #dianakko #dianakko-week #lwa #diana x akko #little witch academia #hanahaki #why do i hurt myself with fics

23 notes · View notes

be-ready-when-i-say-go · 4 years ago

Text

Jinxed- Part 2

Calum’s so used to fucking up that when a second chance comes his way he’s not sure what to do with it. Demon!Calum.

CW: Mentions of death.

Enjoy my masterlist

Support me on kofi.

__________________________

Her house is a mess. Dishes have piled up, her laundry is overflowing the basket. She hasn’t returned anyone’s phone call. Her mother has left twenty or so voicemails. Her text notifications are near the hundreds. None of those matter. His notes aren’t slipped under the door. She’s checked every night for one. Like her brain hasn’t computed that he’s actually gone. But he is. There is nothing but that handful of dust.

When she calls all those old numbers, she gets an automated voice. It tells her that the number she is trying to reach is out of service or has been disconnected. She always sobs on the last word. She is disconnected. Disconnected from a friend. Disconnected from her loved ones because no amount of the phone buzzing and shaking on the table gets her to pick it up. A lifeline has been unplugged.

Ruby clutches the small jar to her chest most days, or keeps it near. It feels appropriate for all the times Calum would shoot whiskey or hennessey straight out of one of them. Or the time he left a single carnation in one of her mason jars. It was pink, even though she hated pink. The next time he brought white. She carries the little bit of him left in the mason jars he used to always poke fun about.

She can’t even cry anymore tears. She just sits, curled up in his jacket. She’s starting to lose his scent though. She can smell now is herself mostly. Ruby can’t mess up Calum’s jacket. The least she can do is preserve that. So she peels herself out of, draping it carefully over the edge of her bed and goes to shower.

She texted her boss the next morning after it happened, after the shock still weighed her down. Ruby explained she’d need to take a couple personal days. Ruby really thought that was all it would take. Like a couple days just to get herself out of the funk. It’s hard to deal with death, but she thinks that she can bolster through. However, everytime she walks into her living room, she stares at the spot he last kneeled and her whole chest shatters. Her lungs can’t expand large enough for hair. She wheezes while tears stream down her face.

If she could use the sprinkling of his ashes and her tears to sprout him again, she would’ve done so by now. She stands, in that spot, clutching his shirt, praying there’s anything she could do to bring him back. She is by no means, a witch. She tries nevertheless. She prays that anything brings him back. At first she wanted to never know Calum. It would be much easier to never hold onto these memories of falling asleep on him when she just couldn’t keep her eyes open anymore.

The reality though is that she’s happy to have known him. She’s happy to have those random trips for ice cream, even though she knows it’ll make her intestines shiver. If she didn’t have those experiences, what would’ve been the last year and half of her life? Who would she be without the imprint of Calum on her soul?

____

Her hair is no doubt a mess when she walks into work. She managed to do laundry and put on decent clothes. Her dishes are still not done. She’s yet to take the trash out with all the delivered fast food. But at least she’s taken care of one thing. She was just much too tired to keep her shoulders lifted to properly comb out. Most of the knots are out with her pick and wide tooth comb.

“Hey stranger,” Tiff says. Her smile is soft, maybe even a little sad.

“Hey, sorry about being gone for so long.” She can feel the sting behind her eyes now. Fuck, she really thought she had cried enough. How does she even begin to function like her life is normal again?

“No, no, it’s okay.” Tiff collects Ruby into her arms, combs and all still in her hands. “Shh, it’s okay.”

“He’s gone. I just--I can’t believe it,” Ruby hiccups.

_____

The weeks pass, blurring into months. Ruby lingers less often on the spot in her living room. She still wears his shirt around the house just for comfort sake. His leather jacket hangs in her closet, now a staple piece even though it’s boxy on her. It’s comfortable. It’s lived in. Even though his cologne is long gone and nothing but the scent of the cleaners is seeped into the garment, she can still feel the lingering of Calum in it.

She knows he slipped his arms into the same holes. He layered it with a sweatshirt and beanie. There is something of him, his living visage still seeped into the threads that makes her feel better when she wears if, even if she doesn’t need the comfort constantly.

Ruby keeps up with her dishes now too. Her laundry basket is emptied at least once a week. It hurts less to laugh. She can go about her day easier now. She doesn’t think she’ll ever reach her old normal. But she likes her new normal, the new routine of noticing the small things that Calum used to do that don’t cause her chest to rupture. But she gives a sad smile whenever the thoughts cross her mind.

Like now, sitting in Kourtney’s car, Ruby is slightly reminded of the times that she and Calum would ride across town, just to try the latest sweet treat.

“I don’t know how you’ve been single for this long now,” Kourtney laughs from the driver seat. The red light stares down at them and they stare up at it for the moment being. The comment isn’t mostly out of the blue. But their previous conversation about how dating is hard had died down a little.

Ruby look to her friend through her peripheral. The high ponytail weave still slick and perfectly pinned in place. “I haven’t been single for that long.”

“It’s going on two years now! Ever since your birthday when that creepy guy cornered you at the bar. You broke things off with Darrell, what three just weeks before that?” Kourt risks a glance over. Rubs picks at her nails, the set of extended nails a deep burgundy color. They don’t mention that birthday too much.

It was brought up once before after Calum’s passing and Ruby broke down into tears. Kourtney and the rest of the girls thought that Ruby and him had been dating and then broken up. But the way she cried and told them that a good friend had passed away, they figured they might be wrong about it. Everyone does their best to dart around the topic.

Ruby makes sure never to give a name. Part of it feels like a disservice. That she’s silencing him even in death. But the other part knows it’s better this way. That she can’t say his name. Not to anyone. Would she be causing trouble for herself if she does? Would Lucifer come back for her? She’d rather not having the devil himself show up at her door again. Once is more than enough in a lifetime.

Ruby blinks. It has been two years. Time surely hasn’t slowed. But it doesn’t feel like it’s sped up either. “Well I won’t be taking anymore recommendations from you,” she tsks, sucking her tongue around teeth.

“You can’t hold Tre over my head forever. I thought she was cool.”

“She’s like the rest of them n--,” She had more to say but Kourtney cuts her off with a wave of her hand, as if she’s heard the guilt trip from Ruby enough already.

“So are we going out for your birthday or not?”

Ruby doesn’t know what she wants to do for her twenty sixth birthday. It feels mundane. It’s not 21 or even her 30’s. Just 26, a tick mark in the calender of her life. Just another day on the wheel. “We could go back,” Ruby offers with a shrug of her shoulders.

Kourt presses down as the light turns green. “Back to Greenlight? It’s an hour out of town.”

“The music was lit.”

“The drinks were expensive.”

“You’ll have a birthday girl.”

“Why do you want to go back?” Kourtney asks but not without having to tap her brakes to allow for an asshole weaving through the lanes. She flips them the bird.

Ruby watches, focus blurring on the passing asphalt. She can’t avoid things forever. She can’t hide from what’s happened. Calum’s dead. Though she’s wondered if demon’s can every truly die. Part of her wished she had asked sooner. She wished she had considered what happens when she dies, if she’ll ever cross paths with him again. Should she make some sort of deal with the devil? Calum would probably have her head for something like that.

“Earth to Ruby!” Kourtney shouts, snapping her fingers near Ruby’s ear.

“I’m not dead,” Ruby huffs.

“Why should we hikes our asses all the way to Greenlight? Need to pour one out for them?”

Ruby has to laugh. Calum would not stand for the waste of alcohol in his honor. But it feels appropriate to remember him like that, even if it is wasted whiskey on concrete. “Yeah, something like that.”

“Someone’s gonna have to DD. Because I am not splitting that Uber again. I couldn’t even afford enough drinks for a solid buzz.”

“It won’t be long. But I guess if it’s an hour drive. We better make it worth our while. There’s a waffle joint close by too. Make pretty good breakfast.”

Kourtney parks in front of the mall, lips pursed. “And how would you know that ma’am?”

Keeping her gaze straight ahead, Ruby shrugs. Her lips curve though. The smile slowly etching itself onto her face. “Heard it through the grapevine.”

“Yeah right. Who you fuck that far across town?”

“No one,” Ruby defends. Her offended tone doesn’t last long before her laughter cuts through. It’s shocking that she’s never brought up the night she spent with Calum. But Ruby nows her friends. The would take any amount of scandalous details and run it for miles.

Kourtney’s nonbelief is clear on her face, especially with the eyeroll. “Yeah and I was born last night.”

The women climb out of the car, laughing. As Ruby slings the purse onto her shoulder, Kourtney leans against the hood of the car. “Was it them? The one that passed away?”

Ruby matches her position. She can trust Kourtney, one of the few that always been more receptive to Ruby’s quiet moments. She’s always been the one that makes sure to keep the things that need to be quiet quiet. So Ruby nods her head. “Just once.”

“You just out here hoeing around and making friends out of them? Only you Ruby. Only you can sleep with someone and be friends wit’ ‘em.”

Ruby closes the car door, walking around the bumper. There’s a small breeze as they walk to the entrance. “It wasn’t supposed to go down like that. We slept together and I thought it was over. But he came into the salon.”

“So it was a guy, huh?”

“Yeah, he came into the salon to see a stylist. We talked for a minute.” Ruby pauses. She can’t admit that Calum turned out to be a giant asshole and a demonic one at that. “He was a bit of an asshole about it. But it was chill. Then on the date with Tre, he happened to be hanging out there too. She was still yelling about getting some ass. We argued and resolved it. Though, things didn’t actually get fix. She just stormed off. He was there. We hung out getting ice cream.”

Kourtney nods. “So you didn’t sleep with him again after that?”

Ruby shakes her head. “No.”

“Was it that bad?”

“Quite the opposite.”

“So why not?” Kourt screeches.

The mall isn’t too crowded for the moment. Both of them wanted to get out and about early. It’s only the older people that walk laps with their wristbands and two pound weights. All of them look at Ruby and Kourtney for sudden loud interruption. They are used to the stares from others because their glossy lips, and occasional pop of their gum. They know the hair and the color of their skin makes them an easy target for judgemental stares.

It’s sometimes exhausting how true the phrase is that there is nothing new under the sun. There is nothing new about the prejudices they face. There is nothing new to the way they are watched, followed around. There is nothing new about losing loved ones. Nothing new about the stories of their lives. There is just new names on the characters they play.

“Because we became friends,” Ruby answers.

“You can fuck your friends.” Kourtney throws the 22 inches over her shoulder. Her nails aren’t long. But are a sharp stiletto point and have rhinestones tacked onto them.

“You shouldn’t though,” Ruby states.

Kourtney loves Ruby but sometimes wishes she gave more about her life. How to go from fucking a stranger to becoming their friend is a story that others would kill to tell. But Ruby holds it close to her chest. She won’t give the details. Even if Kourtney tried to push it out of her, it would only be condensed. She’d only ever get the sparks notes version of the truth. “Fine, fine. We’re here for birthday outfits anyway.”

“Why do you need an outfit for my birthday?”

“Because I can’t go to Greenlight raggedy.”

“Your closet is twice the size of mine. You calling me raggedy?”

“Never in a million years, Rubs. Never.”

Ruby purses her lips but says nothing. Their feet carry them down past the anchor stores to a small run boutique. The displays are still neon and fishnets, with a sprinkle of cheetah print bodycon skirts. The shirts are cropped in the stomach but still thick long sleeved. The fashion choices don’t always make sense. As if only the flesh of arms get cold but not a stomach.

“Are jeans and clear heels look too simple for my birthday?” Ruby asks, the jeans at the first display for her. She owns enough denim to last her the rest of her life if she gains no more weight.

The question is mostly to herself, a little bit for Kourtney’s response. Kourtney’s already two racks over, thumbing through the previous season’s sequin tops. “No, it’s a very you look. Spice the top up with some glitter maybe. Or some neon?”

Ruby bypasses the denim, finding a blue sequin dress and holds it up. “Kourt, look what I found.”

A small gasp feels the air. “I need it. And I need it now.”

“Your size too.” Ruby dangles the rack from the tops of her fingers, thumbing over the dresses. Birthdays require maximum fun. A dress will have her stressed that her ass is not showing. Though depending on the amount of shots she’s had the stress of not mooning anyone could easily be overcome by the giggling urge to moon someone. She’ll stick to pants though and let the worry reside for another day when she dares a skirt.

Kourtney takes the dress from the waiting hand and pulls out a red cheetah print top. “Try this?”

“Looks like a dress I have.”

Kourtney watches Ruby glance over the racks. The hangers making a piercing screeching as they scratch with rusted metal over the glossy metal rods that they hang on. Is smart to support her want to go back to Greenlight? Nothing special is really there about the place. It’s popular and crowded, but that’s only because it’s the latest club on the scene and more artists want to play in the club because of it’s blossoming elitist status. But a good time could be had anywhere.

“Are you positive about Greenlight?” Kourtney asks.

Ruby nods. “As positive as I am black.”

“So hella positive then,” Kourtney laughs.

It takes one store for them to find the base pieces, a dress for Kourtney and the top for Ruby. It takes three others for the shoes. In the second store, Kourtney finds her heels, black and strappy to neutralize the red glittery bling. And in the last one, Ruby finds a pair of clear heels--on sale. An important caveat for her considering she may not wear the shoes much after her birthday.

When Ruby gets home, she drops the bag to her couch. She might be crazy to go back to Greenlight. Yes, they are memories there, but who’s to say that she couldn’t build more there. Why should the only ones she has of the place be tainted by a heaviness that could be replaced?

____

It’s mutually decided that Ruby can’t be the designated driver for her own birthday. She only offered as a way to keep herself on a leash drinking wise. But her group of friends quickly shot that down. She slips on the gold hoops as Tiff corrals the already tispy group. She can perfectly enjoy a birthday while being sober, or as close to sober as she could realistically be with a shot or two in her.

Ruby hears the glasses clinking in her living room. The rest of the group has been sipping on fruity wine. It’s cheap, but good. Tiff hands over her tube of buttergloss. “Peachy nudes always pop more with a little bit of gloss. Always.”

Ruby takes it, just taking in the tube of glass, a fair pink. “Noted.”

___

The Greenlight is packed as always. Bodies look like a giant sea, swaying to and fro. Ruby looks over to the corner. Calum’s not there. She didn’t expect him to be there. But she had a fleeting hope. A sliver of it sits in her chest and drops when there’s just a couple talking, leaned in close to each other. Calum would be sitting there, beanie on his head. The look would not be complete without his leather jacket. She suddenly wishes she had it draped over her shoulders.

A whiskey would be in Calum’s hand of course. Maybe he’d wink at her. Maybe he’d just watch her dance with her friends. He’d offer of course to pay for a drink or two, but he’d really only be on the sidelines to let her enjoy the night. At the end of the night, when her world is still swimming with the buzz of her shots, Calum would probably tuck her into bed with water on the nightstand. “No dying on me tonight,” he’d whisper.

For a fraction of a second, Ruby wishes she had made Calum promise that too. So that she could be angry for his death for him leaving her. But it really wasn’t of his own volition. That was a choice made for him by someone else’s hand.

“We’ve got a birthday girl!” Tiff shouts, grabbing Ruby’s arm.

Ruby’s imagined version of Calum disappears as she’s dragged to the bar. It takes her a moment to start reaching for her clutch to grab her ID. The bartender smiles. “And what will she have?” There’s a quick glance at the ID. Ruby thinks it most definitely isn’t long enough to see her age at all.

“Whiskey. Straight.” The order falls from her lips without her thinking.

Tiff blinks. “Well that’s different than your usual.”

The only thing Ruby does is shrug. She can offer no explanation. It just feels like the right thing to do. The bartender nods and turns. The rest of the girls order shots or fruity drinks strong enough to knock a grown man over.

The night doesn’t feel too special. Ruby manages to snag a few free drinks for her friends. The music thumps in her bones and the bass shakes her core. The bodies are still moving in mass, a sway. She finds herself looking to that corner again. The couple’s since left and it’s empty. She wonders if that spot feels like wearing Calum’s jacket.

Telling Kourtney that she’s headed to the bathroom, Ruby sneaks away from the group. She climbs into the high chair, into Calum’s chair. It feels different up here. To watch everyone living their life. To know that someone’s going to home with someone else, to know that they are all in the middle of something—a breakup, trying to break a two year single streak. Whatever the case may be, every single person on that floor has a life headed in some direction. And she gets to watch the intersections. She gets to see how all the webs cross and unravel.

“I’m very grateful you are a creature of habit. Or finding you would’ve been hell.”

Ruby’s heart thunders, the veins in her neck thumping clearly behind the skin. She knows that voice anywhere. Even if she’s only heard it the one time in her apartment. She could identify it in a crowd of thousands. “Don’t you have other lives to ruin?”

Lucifer grins. “Don’t shoot the messenger.”

“That is absolutely rich coming from you. So why the fuck are you here?”

“I’m on a delivery. And I don’t think you’d be too receptive of my other Hunters.”

“To what? Deliver a harsh reminder that you killed one of my best friends? Thanks. Especially on my birthday. Perfect timing. You asshole. You’re such a goddamn asshole.” Ruby slips down from the hair, reaching back up to grab her drink.

“Just listen for two second,” he hisses. When her hand comes up, he drops the long velvet box into it. “It’s from your friend. He never got around to giving it to you. So I figured I’d be nice. For once.”

“From Calum?”

“Yeah, from him.”

“What is it?”

“Look I’m just delivering the damn thing. I don’t ask questions about what it is. Do you realize that does spoil the whole thing about gift giving?”

“How long has he had it?”

“Again, that is not something I can answer.”

If it weren’t for the fact that he was delivering something from Calum, she’d smack him. Maybe. It’s not like he’d feel it. Calum didn’t feel the left swing she gave him. Granted, it would be more for the affect, for the spectacle.

“Apparently it’ll mean something to you. He’s been whining. Enjoy the rest of your day. Drink the spirits for me too.” With that, Lucifer slithers through the crowd. She notes it’s less of a walk and more of a glide. Calum had a swagger to his walk. Never rushed but never slow either. Ruby cracks open the box.

A gold anklet stares back up at her. A small charm is attached. A mason jar etched into the gold plate with a C and R carved inside as well. Her eyes water. He’s had to have it for a while, holding onto it for some reason, for some sort of occasion. He mentioned getting her a gift. Only to her once. In passing, during Christmas. He said he wanted to give her something to remember him by that wouldn’t be subjected to the erosions all memories face.

He wasn’t sure what to get though. Wasn’t sure how to give it to her. Sure he’d give her small things--surprising her with candy, or giving her t-shirts that he thought she’d enjoy mostly because of the crazy sayings printed on them. But he wanted to give her something tangible, that would fade to the wear of a machine.

Ruby looks up back into the crowd. Lucifer’s is long gone. She continues to stare out over the packed dance floor. Will he show back up? And what he meant by Calum was whining? Calum was dead. The dead can’t complain, can’t speak, can’t blink. There is nothing but silence from them, right?

“Ruby! That’s one hell of a piss,” Kourtney laughs. Her eyes are glassy, Ruby notes. Maybe she won’t notice the tears forming in the corner of Ruby’s eyes.

“Helping another girl,” Ruby lies, tucking the box away. “Zipper got caught.”

“C’mon. We got more shots. We need you.”

Ruby extends the hand not holding the chain. They filter through the crowd, over to the counter. She takes the glass of clear liquor, knocking the glasses together. As the liquid slides down her throat, it burns. What burns more is the thought that Calum might be alive somewhere out there in the depths of Hell.

Ruby crawls back into bed. The gold anklet dances against her skin. The last shot still pounds against her head. But the question would not leave her alone. Could Calum still be alive? She saw the dust. But Calum made her promise that she couldn’t watch. Right now, she wishes she had. She would know for sure, with her own eyes if death had truly ruined her.

Her computer, even dimmed, still is harsh against her eyes. But she squints and opens a new window of Google, incognito. Like it’s illegal to search questions about demons. If it didn’t hurt to laugh, she’d chuckle at herself.

Can you kill a demon?

Ruby waits, blinks her eyes once and Google returns with answers, all in blue. She groans and clicks on the link. There had to be a color for the font that was easier on the eyes in the hangover state filled with curiosity.

Demon traps, salt circles, holy water, heavenly fire, blades.

This isn’t actually helping, she huffs. So clicks away from that link and back to the search results. Please work, she begs clicking another link. She skims over the black text. You can’t actually kill a demon. It surely look like Calum had died to her. It felt like he had died. Because if he was still kicking around he’d find a way to find her, to talk to her.

Unless he couldn’t communicate with her like before. Ruby doesn’t know the first thing about how to communicate with any other spiritual beings. But there’s nary a question that Google can’t at least attempt to answer.

How do you communicate with the dead?

Ruby pauses. Should she type in how to summon a demon?

She is trying to summon one, technically. She’ll start there with the dead. To her that is what Calum is. He is dead. A dead friend. No matter the status of his spirit, he is dead to her. There’s seance, alters, crystals. Her brain begins to spin. So she closes the screen and lays back into her purple fuzzy pillows. They can offer some solace from the pounding of too much alcohol and too little water and the sting of tears. Calum can’t still be out there. She can’t handle that.

___

The leather jacket is overkill. She knows. But staring up at the bookcase of books, she finds warmth in knowing that she is carrying a small part of Calum with her. Titles jump up out at her. Most of them centering around Wicca. She’s intrigued and pulls one down. She thumbs through the pages and holds it into the crook of her elbow.

The Handbook of Witchcraft slips onto the top of her stack. People pass her by and no one seems to blink an eye. It’s her little secret, her little endeavor. To everyone else though, she is just down an aisle in the bookstore. She is just carrying a stack of books. She is just a patron amongst the fairly quiet calm river of the bookstore. She’s not making a ripple or bothering a soul. She is a nobody taking up space meant to be occupied.

She settles into the cafe attached inside the store. Her stack is about four high. She might as well get started now. The whirring of machines blurs into the background of her mind.

“Just starting out I see?”

Ruby glances up. Another black girl with pink box braids tips her plastic cup at her stack. “Looking for answers,” Ruby says.

Reaching into her pocket, the young girl finds a pen and takes a napkin from the small stack Ruby grabbed for her muffin. The girl scribbles down the at symbol followed by what looks like a username. “This is my Instagram. Message me if you need help.”

“Thanks.” Ruby smiles. “Like the hair.”

“Gotta get them redone. New in town. Still looking for a stylist.”

Ruby reaches into her purse. She grabs a business card for her and the salon. “I do eyebrows mainly. But the salon I work in is black owned.”

“You’re a lifesaver.”

“It can be hard out there.”

Ruby knows she’s been at the store too long when the afternoon sun fades into a pastel orange. Packing up the stack, she proceeds to the registers. The cashier looks unphased, pushing their reward card and membership. Ruby’s thankful. Her secret is safer for even a little bit longer, safe even from the cashier, who probably cares nothing about her life to start with.

___

Ruby laughs at herself walking into IKEA, even though her entire house is completely furnished. Nothing is broken either. She’s still here though. She gets lost every time she walks through the doors. Taking a survey of the shop, she takes a deep breath. Just a small end table. That’s all she needs. She’ll start there.

It takes an entire half an hour and help from two different employees but she secures the end table she needs. It’s on sale, or there’s some sort of special. The small wooden two tiered table is only 10 bucks, not including the taxes. It’s even small enough for her carry herself to her car. Though several employees offer one the flatbeds to help her walk even easier. Ruby know she could’ve easily gotten one for free, maybe with more characters, more knicks in it.

All the articles she read mentioned that the table wasn’t the important part. There would be more money to spend elsewhere. Is it wrong to want to give Calum the best if he’s still out there? The only thing Ruby can do is just give it a shot. As she slides the large cardboard box into her truck, she pauses. It’s just a shot.

It would be funny to have an ivory cloth to cover it, Ruby thinks. Though black is more fitting. She settles later on, while in Target, for a Halloween themed one, black with silver trimming. It’s clearly been lingering since the holidays. She’s shocked they haven’t been tossed out yet by the store. It hasn’t been that long since the holiday, though. So maybe it isn’t old enough to be thrown out just yet.

Calum might be pissed. She can almost hear his voice in her head, deeming worthy of at least something solid back. But Ruby figures he has a small silver streak in himself. Even if he refuses to believe it himself.He’d probably refute it. Tell her she’s the only silver streak in his damnation.

Ruby would then tell him he’s much too harsh on himself. She misses those moments, the bickering even though it’s not real. Twisting the last screw into place, Ruby looks at the gold anklet again.

He’s been whining.

Is she insane? Has she finally gone off the deep end to be sitting in her bedroom, screwing together an end table to create an altar? Calum might not even be on the other side. He could all the day dead. He could be really good.

But why the present tense? Was it false hope, some sort of unresolved sadness or fear that kept her clinging to any gram of hope?

Honestly, it didn’t matter. If she was insane, Ruby would find out soon enough, right? If she was insane to try and communicate with a damned soul, then it wouldn’t work. She’d just have a spare end table and a cool table cloth to help her decorate for the holidays. It wouldn’t be a waste if it all went to shit on her.

___

“You have to set it up for what you need. You can add traditional elements. But they’re really customizable.”

“I need it for like,” Ruby starts then stops, readjusting her grip on the thread.

“No, no. I need not know,” Jasmine reprimands. Her eyes are still closed. Her fingers still holding the skin taut.

Ruby cleans up the underbrow before moving to the top of the bone. “Aren’t their guides for this kind of stuff? Could I go to someone else to do this?”

“I mean you could yes,” Jasmine says. Ruby brushes away the plucked hairs and moves to the right brow. “You’re looking for something maybe more along the lines of a psychic.”

“I don’t know. Everytime I think I can do it, I chicken out.”

“Just sit for a few minutes. Even if the altar isn’t complete just sit in front of it for a few minutes. Smudge it before and after. Besides, you’re not going to get it right on your first try. It’s not about getting it right the first time either. You have to feel it, know what you’re looking for, know when you’ve found it.”

Ruby hums, focused now on the string pulling the right hairs from the roots. When done and the brows outlined, Ruby hands Jasmine the mirror. “What do you think?”

“Holy fuck,” Jasmine gapes. “My brows have never looked this good.”

“I do my best.”

“You fucking slayed it is what you did.” Jasmine turns her head side to side, to make sure it’s not just a trick of the light and angle. The truth is no, her brows look this good for every angle thanks to the talent of Ruby. Jasmine adds a ten dollar tip to the fee. “I’ll be back for sure.”

“Glad you’re happy with them.”

Jasmine grabs a couple of business cards from the display on the front desk. “For friends,” she notes before shouting loudly over her shoulder. “Bye ladies. See y’all later.”

The entire shop responds with a shout too. Ruby leans into the glass front desk. The sidewalks are pretty dead. A couple boys hanging out because of the barber shop next door. There’s a convenience store at the corner of the block, where most people grab snacks for before coming into their hair appointments. Ruby would go there to grab snacks before movie snacks. She managed to sneak out of the salon well before closing sometimes and because of that, she could load up before calling Calum. Never texted.

The rest of the day is pretty slow. It’s only Tuesday though. The closer to the weekend they get, the busier it becomes. Ruby walks into her apartment. It’s quiet and she thinks about turning on her TV. There’s never anything on, so she lets the silence lingers and gets water instead. The table is still bear in the corner of her bedroom. Just the cloth. Ruby finds the shoebox in the top of her closet. She pulls the only photo she has of Calum. Just him reclining on her couch in a green t-shirt and sweats.

He’s not even looking at her, too busy browsing her computer. He was trying to prove her wrong about the meaning of carnations. This then took him down the rabbit hole of flora meaning, which he spent twenty minutes reading aloud to her. Ruby has since put it in a gold frame. It fits him. So she sets the frame onto the table, just right in the center.

Ruby sits in front of it. Just admiring the photo. Her clock ticks in her ear. The water sits on the floor, still in the cup. Ruby lights one of the incenses. Rhodney gave her a good deal on them. He helped her get into this apartment. And she just sits. Eyes closing briefly. This is nice, peaceful. Just her, sinking into the floor, thinking about Calum. She lets the lavender scent settle into her lungs.

Ruby sits cross legged, mind suspended between the reality that she is in her bedroom and the shallow pool of not having to think about anything. She can just bathe in the memories, his love of chocolate pretzels, the way he always smelled a little like nicotine but mostly like wooden musk of cologne.

Maybe Calum couldn’t communicate with her. Ruby knows in her heart of hearts that Calum would fight heaven and high water to keep in contact with her if he could. This had to be on her to figure out. Ruby couldn’t rely on Calum’s supernatural abilities anymore. This was a fight she’d have to take up on her own.

There’s a small rumble. She can hear the clink of her glass. She thinks it’s the glass clinking against the floor. But she doesn’t dare open her eyes. Then her phone rings from the living room.

“Shit,” she whispers, standing up. She was positive she had turned it on silent. But she can never be sure anymore. It’s only a spam call. She was searching for a new health insurance plan and now the companies don’t leave her alone.

When Ruby returns to her bedroom, her glass of water is still.

___

“You really need at least 4 people to communicate with spirits. Don’t want to be doing that kind of shit alone,” Jasmine hums. She sucks through her straw, the bottom of it clearly in nothing but air.

“I don’t really have 3 other people that would be down for that,” Ruby counters. The coffee shop is loud. It’s a shock for how late in the day it is. But for those that need the caffeine, it matters not the time of day for them.

“Well, now you only need 2 more people,” Jasmine grins, finishing off the last of her scone.

“You’re going to help me?” Her disbelief is clear in her question. Why would Jasmine potentially be subjecting herself to the unknown for Ruby? It’s probably less unknown for Jasmine than it is unknown for Ruby.

“Of course.”

“You do know what I’m asking you to do right?”

Jasmine laughs. “Yes, I’m aware.”

Her latest hairstyle are crochet locs. The fake hair has the ends dyed royal blue. Ruby notes that she always has to have a pop of color with her hair. She likes it. The way Jasmine’s always so free to express herself. Ruby does that too, with her hair too, but more so through her nails. She’s not sure what color to get this time. Though every time she goes into the nail salon, her eyes drift to the olive green. The same color of the shirt in the picture.

“You’ve got time to get your nails done today?” Ruby asks.

Jasmine looks over the black polish she put on about a week ago. It’s chipped a little. It was a rush job on her part. “I hadn’t planned too, but sure.”

“My treat,” Ruby adds on.

“Sold.”

Knocking on Kourtney’s door, Ruby wonders if she’s already gone for the day. She tried to text before driving over it. Kourt hadn’t responded though by the time they got there. Kourtney keeps her car in the garage, so there’s no way to know. The door cracks open just as Ruby’s phone buzzes in her pocket. “Well this is a surprise,” Kourtney laughs.

“Kourt this is Jasmine. Jasmine, Kourtney.” The two ladies wave at each other. “Think you can squeeze us in.”

“For you, Rubs, always. No matter how last minute it is.”

Ruby knows that tone, it’s joking but serious. “I promise this won’t be a common occurrence.”

“Oh I know it won’t.”

As the drill buffs over Ruby’s growth, Kourtney clicks her tongue. Her nose and mouth are hidden behind the dusk mask. The raised eyebrow is clear. She’s not buying this pitch, not in the slightest. The fine powder flies under the harsh light of the lamp bent over Ruby’s nails. “You want me to do what now?”

Ruby knows what she’s asking is probably insane. “Just be there. That’s all.”

“We are too black to be fucking with spirits.”

Ruby looks over to Jasmine, who just shrugs. Her gel manicure is freshly cured, though she sits under the nail dryers for her toes. “I mean, I totally get where she’s coming from. But at the same time, if you look at other religions, they do the same thing all the time.”

“Like what?” Kourtney tuts, pulling the drill away from her work. Ruby’s hand is still firm in her grasps.

“Do you know about orishas?” Jasmine asks.

“Do I know about what?”

“They’re deities, gods,” Ruby explains. “I mean, it’s not totally the same. In that belief system people who practice are mounted.”

“Mounted?”

“The deity descends and uses the practitioners physical form, or body, during rituals.” Ruby wants to avoid the term possess. That would only serve to fuel Kourtney’s resistance.

“Just say possess them. You can say it,” Kourtney huffs.

“It’s not like the deity stays forever.”

“So, for argument sake, people are mounted by these spirits. And you want to equate that to openly knocking on the supernatural’s door and just ask them to chill out with us until whomever you’re trying to contact shows up. Is that what you’re asking me to do?”

“Well, it’s less about just chilling with spirits than it is trying to directly contact one. But yeah, let’s go with that version,” Ruby returns.

“You’re fucking insane.” Kourtney’s tone isn’t harsh. It’s not even condescending. She just sounds tired, and maybe even a little flabbergasted. She can see Ruby’s desperate. Kourtney thinks she might be too if a friend just suddenly upped and died. It’s different than when Kourtney’s grandmother died. She had reasons. There was an explanation and a clear peace at the end.. Her grandmother was older, had been teetering on the edge really for a while. She wasn’t deathly ill, just getting up in age. She was starting to forget things easily. She couldn’t do the same things as before. In all honesty, her grandmother’s peaceful slip from temporary slumber to a permanent sleep is the best outcome.

Kourtney changes the bit on her drill, taking down the length of the old set. “If I become haunted, I’m making friends with the ghostman and getting them to haunt your ass instead. I don’t have the time be fucking haunted, alright? Ain’t no ghost finna pay my bills.”

Ruby looks over to Jasmine. She hadn’t expected that to happen. She thought she’d ask. She’d get told no. Ruby halfway thought Kourtney would shut her down when she started talking about the deities. But to have Kourtney agree--that comes from left field. “Are you high right now?”

“No but I just might hint a blunt after dealing with you.”

The room echoes with laughter. “I’ll even roll it for you,” Ruby offers, her chest still hiccuping with tufts of laughter.

“Nah, it’ll be haunted or some shit. I’ll roll my own blunts. Thank you.”

___

Jasmine’s friend, who only goes by Ash, settles down last in the circle. He’s a psychic, according to his Instagram. Ruby’s talked to him once face to face. His voice is too deep, too alluring. But he doesn’t carry himself like he takes life too seriously. It made him more inviting. The long hair, it’s always braided back. Ruby can appreciate his humor. His stare can be intense, dark brown keen eyes. They don’t ever miss anything.

As his hands wrap around Ruby’s, his gaze is stern. His tone is softer. He has no qualms with people getting the answers that they need. But he doesn’t want them to do it for all the wrong reasons.“Are you sure about this?”

Ruby’s not really completely sure. She was never really supposed to talk about Calum. She was supposed to keep all this shit quiet. But if it weren’t for her run at Greenlight, she could be at peace. She doesn’t need constant communication. She just needs to verify. Calum really might be out there. “It’s the only shot I’ve got.”

Ash nods. He can understand that. With the board settled down, Ruby begins. Kourtney keeps flicking her gaze about the small circle. She prays to God she doesn’t wind up haunted because of this shit and she prays Ruby’s not diving into the deep end either. Even though Kourtney is not well versed in how hauntings work, she knows that no matter where Ruby goes these spirits can and probably will follow.

“I am asking if my friend Calum is still out there,” Ruby starts. Her hands are shaking a little. She can hear the quiver in her own voice.

It’s silent. Ruby watches, blinking erratically. Does she even want to contact Calum? Should be doing this at all? It could be best to live and let die. Kourtney shifts on the floor. They’re all situated in Ruby’s bedroom, around the small little table that holds a picture. Kourtney thinks this must be the friend, this Calum.

The lights are off. The room’s already decent temperature wise. But Ruby doesn’t miss the small distinct breeze across her face. It’s easy to think that when presented with this scenario she would be brave. But right now, she can feel her gut leaping. “Oh shit. Did anyone else feel that breeze?”

Jasmine, to the left of Ruby, speaks up. “Can the spirit in this room confirm that you are Ruby’s friend? Gently move a piece on the altar.”

Ruby watches the gold anklet. Even in the flickers of the candle light, it glitters more than the picture frame. She placed the charm upside down. Whether it was on purpose, Ruby can’t say for sure. But a part of her did hope that if she were to have any success that the anklet would be the first thing Calum would reach for. He’d know the significance.

Nothing happens. Ruby probes whatever might be reaching out to them to move something. The minutes pass and there is nothing still. The charm does not flip over. Another breeze does not come by. There is nothing. Just the rising and falling of four chest in Ruby’s bedroom. Any potential spirits that crossed over are thanked. The circle is closed. The candles are blown out. “Did you feel anything besides the breeze?” Jasmine asks.

Ruby shakes her head. Sometimes she wishes she hadn’t decided to keep her hair short. The longer the hair, and even the longer the weave, she could’ve hidden her disappointment, the wobble of her chin. “Sometimes, you’re not always successful on your first try,” Ash counters. His voice is soft, much like the touch of his hand on Ruby’s shoulder.

“Thanks,” Ruby answers. Her voice is thick as it leaves her throat.

It’s rude, she knows. Ruby shuts herself into the bathroom. The door swings close and clicks with a harsh thud. She only needs a moment. Just a second. Just so the first hot tear can run down her cheek. She was a fool. How could she really believe that this would work? Hope made everyone blind. Everyone could probably see that it would never work. And yet, they had hoped for her that it would work. Yet they had sat in her bedroom like children at a sleepover, playing with spirits.

Ruby couldn’t be that mad at them. They were only trying to help her. But did no one think to stop her, to save her from this embarrassment? She sniffles hard, wiping at her cheeks. She’s never really had a flush on her face. But right now, behind the copper tones of brown skin, she can feel the heated flush taking over. Why would he do such a thing to her? She was a fucking fool to believe the gift was actually from Calum. He’s dead. His ashes are still in that godforsaken mini mason jar. There is no bringing him back.

There’s nothing left of him. His soul was already damned to Lucifer. There was no way he would let anything remain. Ruby would’ve done better to just talk to open air than to try and communicate with Calum. She was just a fucking fool.

With another harsh sniffle, Ruby opens the door. If her eyes are red, they’ll just have to be red. “Thanks for subjecting yourselves to this. I owe you guys.” She doesn’t hide the quiver that takes over her chest.

“Rubs,” Kourtney sighs, hugging her friend. Ruby shakes like a dog caught in a thunderstorm in Kourtney’s arms. “Do you want me to stay with you?”

“N-no,” Ruby croaks. “I’ll call if I need you though.”

Kourtney thinks for a moment. She could refuse Ruby’s wishes and have to deal with a crying and pissed Ruby or she could just wait for the phone call. Ruby will probably still be crying if she calls, but at least there won’t be any anger. “I’ll be near my phone.”

As the door creaks close, Ruby locks it, bottom and top locks before sliding down the steel door. Here she is again. On her fucking knees crying over Calum again. She wants to laugh. She really does. It catches between her sobs in ragged coughs. “Fucking of course,” she pants. “Of course.”

She pushes her hands and crawls to the edge of the coffee table. Right where she was when Calum died. “I thought it was only lovers that were supposed to hurt like this.” Her speech is interrupted by sobs. But she continues on. “I thought only lovers were supposed to rip your fucking heart out.”

“They say talking to yourself is a sign of insanity.”

Even though her vision is nothing but a watery field of tears, she knows that pale skin. “Don’t you have some other poor soul to torture? Don’t you have anybody else to fuck over? Haven’t you ruined my fucking life enough?” she shouts. Her hand finds a coaster and lobs it before she can even think, still half hung onto the edge of the coffee table. It requires too much energy to support herself on her elbows. She just hangs her weight into the sturdy piece of furniture.

“He heard you calling. So I had to answer,” Lucifer returns.

“You’re such a fucking liar.” Ruby wishes she could smite him. Do anything to him to make him feel the ache in her chest. Would it take a bolt of lightning? Did he hold anything precious to his heart?

“I’m many things.”

“Leave me the fuck alone, God.”

Lucifer fakes a hiss, throwing up a cross with his fingers. “We don’t say His name around me.”

Ruby drags the sleeve of her shirt under her nose. Her tears, though they roll down her face, have stopped stinging her behind her eyes. “That’s a corny ass joke.”

Lucifer shrugs, pushing his hands into his pockets. “Figured I’d give it a shot. See if you’d stop cursing me out.”

“You’re still an asshole. So no, it didn’t work.” Ruby finally pushes up from the coffee table and falls into the legs of the couch. She stares out into the open dining room, at the table pushed up against the wall, right under the window sill. Calum would sit most nights that he stayed over in front of it. He said watching the night relaxed him. But she wonders now if she was watching for Lucifer. If Calum knew all along that he was playing with a fire that would burn him.

It would hurt more if he just disappeared, Ruby thinks. If Lucifer somehow got him in the middle of the night while she was sleeping and Calum just wasn’t there. If he never showed up with another note under her door. That would hurt more. Not knowing would kill her more than knowing Ruby figures. She probably wouldn’t have noticed it at first. But as the days blended into weeks and the weeks turned into months without any contact from Calum--that would kill her. Slowly and then all at once she’d lose her head.

“Mind if I sit?” Lucifer asks.

“And if I say I do. What are you going to do? Kill me?”

“I’d never kill for such a frivolous thing.”

Ruby whips her head to look at him. “You killed Calum? And for what? Being my friend?”

“I don’t have to explain that to you.”

“No, you do! You do have to explain that to me.”

“I don’t,” Lucifer defends.

“Oh, but you do, Lucifer.” She’s never uttered his name before. It made him too real if she did. Made Calum’s death too real. But right now, after what just happened, or didn’t happen, he owes her that much. She can say his name. It is not lead on her tongue anymore.

“Ah, she does remembers my name.”

“I could never forget it.”

“Ruby, I don’t owe you any explanation. I didn’t owe it to Calum to make the trip before or this one. But I’m doing it.”

“What the fuck did he do?” Ruby pushes up from the floor. Her face is tight. She knows her eyes are red. There’s probably snot on the sleeve of her shirt. It doesn’t matter though. She’s going to get these answers. “Tell me. What is so wrong about finding a friend?” She searches his gaze, seeing if he’d crack.

The only thing Lucifer does is take a step forward to her. There’s still a good foot between them. “If you’re boss gave you a rule, and you broke it, couldn’t you be fired for it?”

Ruby takes a small step forward. “Depends on how big the rule was.”

“I’ve ruled with an iron fist. And I will always continue to do so.” Lucifer meets her step, but only after his statement crosses his lips.

No one moves again. There’s only another step between them. “Don’t tell me you have a soft spot? You can’t have a soft spot for the person you killed.”

“Calum isn’t a person.”

“He was to me.” Ruby closes the gap. Finger poking at his chest. “He was as real to me as Kourtney, or Tiff. Or anyone else in this world. He was a person to me and that’s all that matters.”

“We are monsters. Me included,” Lucifer states. “He is nothing more than a hound now. Just like all the rest.”

“And who did that to him? Who did that?” Ruby hates to get loud. But the emotion leaps from her. Her fists are furling at her side.

Lucifer must admit she’s bolder than he took her for and far less fearful than he thought would happen for something that just tried to summon a demon into their bedroom. Though, anyone trying to do that must not hold much fear to begin with. “I know what I’ve done.”

“And is this supposed to make me feel better? Is this you trying to rectify the situation?”

“No. I can’t fix anything now. What’s done is done.”

Ruby cracks, she can feel her core crumbling. The tears come back. She presses the heel of her hands into the sockets of her eye. “Just tell me what you did. Is he really dead?” She pleads. The tough guy act is exhausting. All she wants to do is cry again, curl into her sheets and let the ache fall over her throat in screeches.

Lucifer, for just a second, lets himself peer down at her. She stands right under his chest. He can see what Calum meant about how endearing it feels. “The Calum you knew no longer exists. You can’t summon him. His physical form is dust.”

“The whip?”

“Turned over to another owner.”

“They’re temporary to you. They’re nothing,” she gaps. It really ought not be a shock. It is the devil she’s dealing with. She’s not dealing with someone human. But it still shocks her.

“We’re all nothing. Calum got a second shot at his life. And he fucked it up. Like he always does.”

Ruby shoves Lucifer. Her palms hitting hard into his chest. Lucifer stumbles back half a step but plants his feet to catch himself. “He didn’t. He didn’t do anything wrong!” She can see the pointed tail rising behind him. She sees the flash of fire in Lucifer’s eyes. “Do it. Fucking do it, I dare you.” Now she’s really gone insane. To goad the devil like this. But she doesn’t care.

It’s a steel resolve that stills Lucifer. It stills even Ruby. “You don’t mean that,” Lucifer taunts. “You couldn’t possibly mean it.”

“You don’t know what I mean and what I don’t.”

Lucifer grins, lowering the tail. “I do know that what’s left of your precious Calum whines for you. He curses himself for messing things up with you. It’s ironic really. To be subjected to an eternal curse and then curse yourself on top of that.”

Ruby just stares. She’s tired of the circle games. She’s tired of begging. If he’s going to explain himself, then he will. And if he won’t explain himself, he can go right back to the place he came from. So Ruby remains silent. Lucifer blinks at her.

He says nothing either, waiting for her rebuttal. She’s a smart girl; she’ll have something, Lucifer figures.

A few more moments go by. “Nothing to say?” Lucifer asks.

Ruby remains quiet.

“Did Calum ever tell you he was a Hunter for me? Really the head of them. That’s why I gave him the whip.” Lucifer stops for a moment. She look unphased for the moment. He sees the way she’s biting on the inside of her lip though. “I can’t bring him back,” Lucifer admits. “He still exist. Just not like you knew him as. You can’t bring him back.”

Ruby wants to look away. But she doesn’t. She takes a breathe. “You took everything from him. I hope you know that. I hope you know the destruction you’ve caused, Lucifer. Whatever good he had going on in his life, whether it was damned to you for eternity or not, all that good is gone.”

“It’s like the Big Guy said. All I’m good for it stealing, killing, and destroying. We’ve all got our parts to play. I brought you the anklet because I thought it would get him off my back. He’s relentless when it comes to you. He wanted me to give him updates. Him! Like he runs the fucking place.”

“So, tell me, do you give him updates? Why else would you be here?”

“No, actually, I heard you knocking on my front door with that summoning circle. But I didn’t think the others would take kindly to me showing up.”

Ruby has to laugh. She really does and it escapes her in dry tufts. “Tried to summon a friend and I got a piece of shit instead.”

“Yeah, I’m not the greatest, alright. I know. Just because I took Calum’s status away, just because I stripped him of his physical form doesn’t mean he can’t annoy the shit out of me in Hell.”

“And you can’t undo it? Can’t give him back his human form?”

Lucifer shakes his head. “If The Big Guy himself had to flood the earth to start over, there’s no way He’s giving me more powers than Him. He can’t snap his fingers to undo anything and I can’t snap mine.”

“What rule did Calum break? What the hell did he do deserve that?”

“I told you. Rules have to be followed. That’s that.”

“I can’t ever talk to him again. I can’t ask Calum so I’m asking you. I’m giving you the second shot you don’t fucking deserve.”

This isn’t a second shot, Lucifer thinks. He never gets those. Not that he’s ever deserved them in any capacity ever. But Ruby’s pleading stare is maybe just enough to crack his chest open. “I told him not to get too close. I told him that if he got too close to you it would be his head. You might’ve called me a liar. But others would disagree.”

Ruby sucks in a breath, turning away. Her hands cover her face. But that’s not enough darkness so she closes her eyes behind the fabric. “In my house. In front of me!”

“There’s a reason why he told you not to watch.”

She can picture it all now. There was no sound. But she can see, clear as day, a fistful of Calum’s curl in Lucifer’s fist as Calum’s body slumped away before disappearing. She wonders if his eyes blinked close, if Calum had just enough life in him to finish that action. Or they were probably already closed before the last blow was delivered. Was he thinking of her? Was she Calum’s last thought?

Lucifer’s voice interrupts her buzzing mind. “The anklet’s actually from him. I found it in his apartment while I was cleaning it out. I had some others keep it safe. I wouldn’t have given it to you, in all honesty. I was going to have it pawned. Needed the cash for some other earthly endeavours. But I could never bring myself to fucking do it. So I gave the boy what he wanted. I gave it to you. His last good deed, he called it.”

“Do me a favor?”

“I’m not a middle man for the two of you. I agreed to give you the anklet and I only agreed to check up on you like once.”

“Just one thing,” Ruby sighs, turning to face Lucifer.

“Just one.”

“Don’t come back to me. Don’t check up on me. Don’t give him updates.”

“This is going to sound ironic coming from me. But he’s going to raise hell over that.”

“Tell him I told you not too. I want to remember him like he was drinking whiskey way to early in the day and always dawned in the leather jacket. I want to remember him like a friend.”

Lucifer sighs. Calum’s not going to like that. But he nods and says nothing as he exits her apartment. Through the front door this time. For a brief moment, Ruby finally realizes that she never opened the door for Lucifer in the first place. Could he have been the breeze she felt?

She was just torturing herself. Ruby never considered herself to be a masochist. Pain was never really her thing. But all she was doing was hurting herself. This was just a wound they kept picking the scab off of. It would always bleed if it’s never left alone. It can never clot and create new skin. Even if it leaves a scar, the thicker skin is more protection that busted blood vessels.

Ruby drags herself to her bedroom. Calum’s picture staring at her as she enters. She walks over, placing the photo face down. She’s gotta let him rest. Let herself rest really. What is she doing besides running herself into the ground. That’s all it is. She picks up the anklet, testing the weight in her hand again. It’s cold against her skin and has never been heavy until now. She sets onto the dresser next to her bed. In the morning she can think about whether or not to bear its weight again.

____

Lucifer can already imagine the roar that’s going to echo off the walls of his head. But he’s really only the message man, yet again. “Good news and bad news,” Lucifer starts.

“Bad news first.” His voice is harsher, more of a snarl in this state. Body much too large and too hunched for the man he once portrayed. The fire does like it does everyone, making the skin blister and turn a pinkish red. It’s a shock that anyone can hold out at the eternal flick of the flames like he does.

“You’re going to regret that. She wants to give you a good memory. Take it.”

“What?”

“Let her go. Let her remember you the way she knew you.”

While Calum would hate to admit Lucifer to right. It might be naive to think that Ruby wouldn’t try everything in her power to see him again. He’s not the man he used to be. He’s not in any position to be seen for what’s beneath it all, beneath the lies. “What’s the good news then?”

“You have a friend in her, even still. You’re lucky.”

He surely doesn’t feel lucky. Trapped here as his body is constantly burned and healed all within the same minute. He surely doesn’t feel lucky knowing that he won’t ever be able to answer a call from Ruby again. But if she’s willing to hold onto his memory, even with all the messed up shit he’s done, than he found something to be lucky about.

Though it’s never rest that finds his soul, Calum remembers the way she laughs and something like peace stills the moment. It’s a quiet calm that only simmers for a moment before the pain kicks in again. He takes the second of calmness whenever they come because they always bring her with them.

23 notes · View notes