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crypticpaw · 4 years ago

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Frozen Paws, Frozen Heart

Entrapta X Hordak fic! (with Frosta’s participation)

Author’s note: I’m very, very proud of this fic! I just like writting/drawing Hordak being a parental figure! I really hope you guys like this one! Again, I’m always open to criticism and forgive my bad grammar! Tell me what you thought about it!

WARNINGS: Swearing?? Frosta swears a lot, I think we’re all very aware of that...

Clouds of dust and snow formed where Frosta had run past, zipping through the white, cold landscape, tirelessly chasing the hare. She barked and growled attempting to grab the swift thing with her mouth or paws, but it was always a little out of her reach. Frosta almost fell, making another rough turn, following the hare, surely trying to shake her off. Her little paws ached, having run so fast for so long, but the pup ignored it with a determined look on her face. She was going to catch this damn hare if it was the last thing she did! She barked and barked, as if that would make the hare go slower. The pup had been chasing that thing for three weeks now, and she wasn't about to stop! Until a terrible smell hit her nose. Frosta stopped abruptly, sliding in the snow a little. She fell head-first in the ground, and shook it off her fur and big coat. The hare looked behind it's shoulders, stopping after realising Frosta stopped chasing it, hoping back to her. The pup raised her snout, sniffing the air. The hare raised itself on it's hind legs and sniffed. -You smell it to? -Frosta asked it. It turned to her without an answer. She slowly made her way through the snow, following the smell. She recognised it now, the smell of bitter metal scrap. She recognised it from Entrapta. From the Fright Zone. Frosta ran up a hill to see better and try to make it out where the smell came from, and sure enough: a big, steel tank, with Dryl's crest on it, slowly making it's way through the snowy territory. HER snowy territory! She growled to herself, her fur rising in her neck in anger. What was Entrapta doing in the Northern Reach?! A spark lit in Frosta's head. She remembered Adora reporting to her that Scorpia, Catra and Entrapta had attacked the Northern Reach once, when they still worked for the Horde, looking for tech. As she was about to go after the tank, she saw the lid on top of it open, and out of it, Hordak peeked his head out. Frosta growled even louder. Not thinking, she decided to run for it. As she got close to the tank, she turned to the hare who was still following her. -It's not safe for you! Go back home, I'll meet you there! The hare turned around and hoped back. Frosta climbed up the stairs and on top of the tank, where she slowly opened the lid and peeked inside before falling in. She hit the metal floor head-first, making a loud CLANG. Rubbing her head with her paws, she looked around, examining the inside filled with wires, metal scrap, tools on the floor and a pile of boxes with Dryl's crest. Pointing her nose to the floor, Frosta slowly explored around, leaving a trail of snow behind her. Her ears raised and she turned her head when she heard footsteps behind her. In a panic, she jumped behind the boxes, and hid there. Through a space between her hiding spot, she peeked to see Hordak, wearing a huge and probably very heavy dark blue fur coat, approaching the slid where she fell through. Frosta froze in place and held her breath. She couldn't let him see her! Not because she was scared of Hordak, she wasn't scared of anything! But Frosta didn't want to be thrown out yet. His eyes glowed in the dark. A red light casting on his surroundings, making him look even more monstrous. His steps slowing down as he saw the snow on the floor melting. The cat sniffed around, for sure catching her scent, as his ears drew back and he unsheathed his claws. Frosta gulped. She heard his claws could cut through pure steel. Like all the other princesses, she had heard stories about Hordak before they actually met. He didn't seem so scary up close, but she wasn't ready to find out if his claws hurt or not. He followed her scent, slowly getting closer to her hiding spot, a growl rising deep in his throat. Frosta's ears fell and her tail hid between her legs. Her paw opened as she made a snow ball out of thin air, ready to throw it in his big, scrawny face. As Hordak was about to take another step, there was a chirp from the corridor. A small kitten-bat-monkey-thing-creature flew over to him trilling and chirping, covered in snow. It stopped at his paws and shook the snow off it's little body, revealing a fluffy and wet dark blue sweater, matching Hordak's fur coat. -Aargh! Imp! -Hordak hissed. -Look at the mess you made! Your clothes are soaked! The "Imp"-thingy laughed, it's tail held high. Hordak growled again, drawing his claws back. He nudged the kitten with wings back to the dark corridor and walked with it as it took flight again. Frosta peeked her head out as their steps faded away. Slowly, she comes out from behind the boxes and scoots closer to the wall, following Hordak. The corridor is dark, she can barely see a thing, but manages to follow the cat by his scent and the faint talking from the end of the hall. There's a big room ahead, Frosta can make out more boxes, tools on the ground, computer screens and Entrapta. Sitting on her big pet robot Emily, tapping in some kind of tablet, wearing a hoodie and big ear protectors. As Frosta was about to jump her and ask what she wanted in the Northern Reach, Hordak entered the room, carrying the kitten with wings, in a now dry sweater. Entrapta's ears perked up and she stretched her paws to cradle the cat-thingy against her chest. -You're watching him! -Hordak grumbled. -He decided to go outside to play in the snow and I had to dry him! Entrapta's tail wagged. -Aaww! He just wanted to build a snowman, didn't ya, Imp? The kitten trilled back to her and nuzzled her chest, then turned to Hordak and stuck out his tongue to him. Hordak growled and Entrapta laughed. She wrapped her ear around him and pulled herself closer so she could rest her head on his shoulder. Hordak nuzzled her cheek, purring. -Blergh! -Frosta gaged. She shouldn't have done that. Imp's folded ears perked up and he sniffed around. A tiny growl rising in his throat, his tail swished as he looked directly where Frosta was hiding. She gulped. Hordak, following Imp's eyes, stepped closer. Entrapta tilted her head, holding Imp close to her, and petting Emily to calm her. The both whined and turned to her, looking for reassurance. -What is it? -she looked at Imp, then at Hordak, then back. -What's wrong? There's nothing there. It's okay. Nobody's here- -AH, YOU PEST!!! Entrapta turned to see Hordak snarling, his face covered in snow, holding a very angry, barking Frosta by her scruff. -Frosta! The pup tried to turn and run, but Hordak's grip on her tightened and Entrapta wrapped her ear around her waist, lifting her upside down. Her big coat fell in front of her face, and she had to slap it away to look at them. -What are you doing here? -she asked excited. -What are YOU doing here?! The Northern Reach is MY territory! -Frosta growled. -Is it? I didn't know that! Last time I was here, it was just unmarked land! -Entrapta said, gently putting Frosta on the ground. -Well, it's marked now! Why did you bring a tank in the middle of the snow anyway? -Our experiments do not concerns you, pup! Hordak towered over her, his ears back. Grumpy as always. Frosta wanted to throw a snowball at him everytime she looked at his stinky face, and it was very tempting to do it again. -This is no place for a child, get out of our tank and go home! -he hissed, walking back to Entrapta. Frosta jumped in front on him and growled, standing between him and the Princess. Who did he think he was?! -No, YOU go home! -she barked. -You came here out of nowhere, without my permission, with a TANK! If you wanted to start another war you could have said it to my face! -Permission?! -he laughed. -We don't need permission from a 9 month old pup! -UH, I'M 11, SO SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! They both growled loudly at each other. Frosta's neck fur was tingled and Hordak's tail swished from to side, both bearing their teeth. Entrapta pulled Frosta to sit on her lap and rested a ear on Hordak's shoulder. -Sorry about coming out of nowhere, Frosta, we didn't know it was part of your kingdom! -Entrapta pat her on the head gently. -We just need an energy source! Our old one got busted when the Fright Zone was destroyed! -Didn't you get attacked by a bunch of worms? At least, that's what Scorpia said! -Yes! But the energy sources were left intact! As long as we don't wake the worms again, we should be fine! Frosta huffed as she sat down. -Why do you need an energy source anyway? -she crossed her arms. -Are you building another evil weapon?! -Evil weapon! -Entrapta cackled. -Of course not, Frosta! You're so silly! She pat her head again, ruffling her fur, which Frosta had to fix. -What are doing so far from home? This is no place for a pup to be alone by herself! Frosta stuck her nose up and copied his accent. -My exploring does not concern you, BITCH! Hordak hissed. "YOU PEST!!!", Imp echoed Hordak's words back to Frosta and she stuck out her tongue at him. Emily looked around all of them, beeping worriedly. -You know, Frosta, for a puppy your size, you sure have a very extended vocabulary... -I say we wash her dirty mouth with soap! -Hordak growled. -That's what children like her earned for their disrespect, back at the Fright Zone! -I'M GONNA WASH YOUR MOUTH WITH SNOW, MOTHER FUCKER! COME AT ME! -Ok, you both, quit it! -Entrapta barked. She sounded serious this time. -Nobody's gonna come at anybody! And nobody's having their mouth washed! Something behind her started beeping and a little red light started flashing. Entrapta grumbled and tapped at her keyboard, making a bunch of 1s and 0s appear in one of the screens. She turned to Hordak. -I think something in the front motor froze! Hordak, can you go check for me? The cat growled softly out of frustration, his expression some-what hurt... He looked at Entrapta, looked at Frosta, and back at Entrapta. -Fine... -hesitating, he turned to walk away, shooting a nasty side-eye at Frosta. She sticks her middle finger at him as he walks away, complaining to himself. -Ha-ha! -she laughs, victoriously. She turned to Entrapta, who was still taping at her keyboard, more 0s and 1s showing on her screen. She didn't share the same smile Frosta had. -What do you see in that guy? -the she finally asked. -He's my lab partner! -Yeah, but, he's an old... Clone... Bat... Thing! -Appearances aren't everything in a relationship, Frosta. -Entrapta turned to her. -I know that, but... -Frosta tried to think of what to say, but didn't know how to explain herself. She did not like Hordak overall. -I mean... He's Hordak! And you're you! -Yeah, but we get along perfectly! -Entrapta smiled at her. -Our species don't exactly match, but we like the same things, we like to spend time together, our aesthetic is the same like our ideals and our morals! We just... Like each other! -I get why he likes YOU, I don't get why you like HIM! He's always grumpy, and bossy, and saying complicated words... -That's just how he is! I once heard someone say that Glimmer was hot-headed, stubborn, short-tempered and hard to get along with! But that doesn't mean you like her any less, does it? -NO! WHO SAID THAT?! -Frosta stood up and created a fist of hard ice around her paw. -I'M GONNA PUNCH THEIR FACE INTO THEIR SKULL! -NOT the point! -Entrapta gently pushed her paw down, and the pup melted the ice around it. -My point is: Some animals just get along... And other animals don't! -And I guess Hordak doesn't get along with Princeses. -Frosta realised. -Well... Princesses that aren't you! -Maybe... But Adora and Scorpia get along with him! I bet if you spent more time trying to talk to him, and not trying to fight him, you'd get along with him too! Frosta grew quiet, her eyes flew around the room, as she thought to herself. -And, yeah, it's easier for me in a way! -What do you mean? -Frosta tilted her head. -I have a secret! It's the reason why I get along with him so much! -Entrapta winked at her. -What is it?!? -Well... I think... He's really... CUTE! -EEEWWW! Frosta gaged again and Entrapta cackled loudly, hugging her. She blew a raspberry on the pup's cheek, making her laugh and kick her legs. They both smiled at each other. Imp trilled at the corridor and flew over to Hordak as he entered, perching on his shoulders. -The motor is functioning as expected, it was only a small amount of frost. I turned the heater on. -he said. -Are we there yet? -Yeah, are we there yet? -said Frosta. "Are we there yet?" "Are we there yet?" "Are we there yet?", Imp repeated Frosta's voice and she was taken aback by it. -Somewhat! We can't really get in because the entries were destroyed, but maybe we could crawl around the vents! Entrapta eyes twinkled with exciment, her tail wagged. -YOU can crawl around the vents. -Hordak reminded her. He shivered and curled his tail around himself. -I'll wait here if that's acceptable. I do not want to hinder you in our experiment, for I don't do well in the cold. -It's just snow! It's not THAT cold! -Frosta argued. -Maybe for dogs with thick, long fur, like you! I don't know if you recall this, girl, but I am practicaly furless! -It's okay! I can take Imp and Emily! But we gotta be super quiet! -Entrapta turned to the pets, who chirped and beeped back at her happily. -You guys stay here and take care of the tank together! -WHAT!? No, I wanna come!!! -Frosta whined. -I will not be demoted to pupsitting! -Hordak hissed. -It won't take long, I promise! -she pointed at them with her ears. -Frosta, don't try to fight anything! And Hordak, be nice to the puppy! The both of them exchanged hostile glares. -Yeah, fuck face! Be nice! -One more curse word out of your mouth and I'm shoving you in timeout corner for the next 3 hours! -What did I just said?! -Entrapta barked angrily. She shot a last glance at them before scurrying off to the corridor leading to the exiting lid. As soon as the THUMP of the shutting lid was heard, Hordak went up to the screens and Frosta followed him. They could see Entrapta making her way through the snow, walking off with Imp and Emily. The cat settled down with a longing sigh and Frosta jumped up to sit on the keyboard. She let her paws dangle off the edge, awkwardly looking around, not knowing what to do with herself. He's just sitting there, his eyes stuck in that one screen where Entrapta was before, unmoving, as if he couldn't do anything else. -So... What do we do now...? -We wait. -For how long? -Not very long. It should take her no more than a few minutes or an hour. -An hour?! -she whined. -What am I supposed to do for an hour?! -I don't know! But if you're going to whine the whole time, I suggest you do it elsewhere! Hordak growled at her and she let herself tumble to the side with an annoyed huff. It was less than a minute before she spoke again and the cat turned to her with a frown. -Is there a bathroom in the tank? I need to go! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hordak sat outside in the snow, turned around a few feet away from the small igloo Frosta made for herself as to give her some privacy. The snow so cold beneath him it almost felt like his paws were burning, he put the hood of his coat over his ears, but they still wouldn't warm up and he was worried they would freeze and fall off. His tail curled against him, trembling as he shivered. A small cloud came out of his nose with every breath he took. He heard rustling behind him but kept himself from turning around. -Okay, I'm done! -Frosta trotted up to him. -Good! Let's go back inside, before I freeze to death! Frosta rolled her eyes, and as they walked off, she had an idea. She stopped a little behind him, made a tall snow tower beneath her paws and shot ice through her paws ahead of her, making a long slippery ramp. Hordak stopped and yelped in shock. -What are you doing?! She made a board out of hardened snow and before he could stop her, she pushed herself off. -GERONIMO!!! -FROSTA! NO, NO, GIRL! DON'T! FROSTA!!! She went so fast down, she had to close her eyes, and only opened them again to see the fast approaching, snowy earth. She went head-first into the snow, bounced and fell again, her board shattered as soon as it touched the ground. Frosta tried to get up, but got herself stuck. -You're impossible! Are you trying to get yourself killed?! -Hordak stormed up to her, grabbing her scruff and taking her off the snow. -You better have not broken anything! You crazy dog! -Did you see me?! Did you see what I did?! It was super fun! I went flying! -she exclaimed, shaking the snow off her. -And you also fell! From a dangerously high altitude might I add! -Pffft! That was nothing! I just gotta adjust the slide! -Nothing! Keep telling yourself that! -Hordak growled. -If you are to ever do that again, WHICH YOU WILL NOT, I suggest you better calculate your circumstances! -Calculate...? -she asked. -What's that? -You don't know what "calculate" means...? -Hordak stopped in his tracks and she shook her head. -Well... It means to determine the amount or number of something mathematically. -Ma... The.. Matically...? -Yes. For example, to do what you just did, SAFELY, -Hordak looked back and pointed at her improvised ramp. -First, you would need to calculate the high of the tower you built, the angle of the ramp and if it has any friction that might interfere with your board, how much you weight and your mass... -That just sounds like a lot of work! -Frosta said, rubbing her head as if she had a headache. -It sounds a lot more than what it actually is! -Hordak kept walking to the tank as she followed him. -It is all but calculation and physics! -Physics...? Hordak's ears perked up at her sudden interest, a small smile on his lips. - A branch of science concerned with the nature and properties of matter and energy! The subject matter of physics, distinguished from that of chemistry and biology, includes mechanics, heat, light and other radiation, sound, electricity, magnetism, the structure of atoms, gravity... -What's gravity?! -Frosta struggled to keep up with him. -Gravity is what causes you to fall. -Like a stumble or a trip? -Yes- no, no! Actually, no. It's a force that pulls you downwards. -Hordak shook his head. -That's why you don't float away like you would out in space. The phenomenon that any two material particles, or bodies, if freed to move, will be exelorated towards each othe- He stopped as his nose bumped on something. That something being Entrapta's own nose. He hadn't even noticed they had already gotten to the tank. -Yuck! -Frosta gaged. Hordak took a step back realizing their proximity, so close if he had held his head a little lower, they would have kissed. He shot a warning glance at Frosta. -Where were you two at? -Entrapta said, her tail wagging and her cheeks blushing. -We came back and didn't find you anywhere! -I needed to go to the bathroom, but there wasn't any in the tank, so we had to go outside, and Hordak kept whining, and I made a super ramp, and Hordak yelled at me, and went so fast I flew off and hit my face in the snow! -Frosta jumped up excitingly, her tail wagging madly as she panted. -Did you? Entrapta turned to Hordak and Imp jumped to his shoulders. -She almost busted her head open! This girl is crazy! -Aaww! Look at you getting all worried about the puppy! -the Princess nuzzled his cheek and he blushed. -W-well, of course! If anything happened to her while we were alone, the Princesses would have blamed it on me! -his tail swished about, tying itself up with one of Entrapta's ears. -But did you find what we were looking for? -Yup! Frosta turned to the other Princess. -Can I see it?!

-Sure! Entrapta led the way back inside the tank, where she rolled a big metal sphere, with coloful glass and constellations-like markings all over it. It was quite beautiful.

-Is that it? -Frosta asked. -How does it work? Entrapta set her on top of Emily as she explained. -You see all these markings that kinda look like starts? -the dog pointed at them with her paw and Frosta nodded. -They light up and make a beaming sound when it's on! Those two holes right there are for cables! This is basically a huge battery, and it charges with the light of the sun! While the light hits it, it builds up energy, and if you plug something into it, it can generate enough energy to use for a MONTH! If we can decode the programing in this, we could create multiples and use their energy! -Woooaah! But why do you need so much energy? -Dryl is expanding, and fast. -Hordak explained. -With all of my brothers moving in, we need more housing, and more housing makes more use of energy. Frosta's ears fell. She thought to herself how all those cats must feel, being brainwashed and then getting their "home" turned into a giant tree in the sky, having to get used to a completely different culture in a completely different planet. -We can go back, now! Frosta, you want a ride home? -Entrapta asked her. -Sure! They left the piece of tech on the floor, going up to the screens again, Entrapta pulled a lever and the tank's motor roared to life. Emily looked up at Frosta and beeped, Frosta smiled and pat the bot, turning to Hordak as she felt the tank move. -So... What were you gonna say before? -she asked, surprisingly shy. -About... gravity? Hordak and Entrapta both turned their heads back, their eyes widen with surprise. Frosta's ears fell, did she do something wrong? -Gravity? -Entrapta exclaimed. -I never thought you'd be interested about that topic, Frosta! -Oh, I was explaining gravity and physics to her on our way back to the tank. She seemed rather confused. They walked up to her and Emily, Entrapta sitting right beside her and Hordak settling near the bot. -Yeah, what IS gravity? Is it like magic? -Oh, no, no! It's the universal force of attraction acting between all matter! All bodies have a weight, or downward force of gravity, proportional to their mass, which Etheria's mass exerts on them! -Entrapta gesture with her paws as Hordak nodded. -Gravity is measured by the acceleration that it gives to freely falling objects! Frosta tilted her head. -So... A force that pulls things to the ground and doesn't let stuff float? -Yeah! That's it! -the Princesses said, in a proud tone. -That sounds a lot like magic! Are you sure it's not just magic? -Yes, we are sure! -Hordak grumbled. -How would YOU know?! -Because even planets without magic have gravity, even completely deserted ones, without any intelligent life form! -the cat explained, as he paced around them. -There's planets out there WITHOUT MAGIC?! -Frosta exclaimed, looking at her paws and back at him. -What a sad life! Entrapta snapped her head around, looking at Frosta with an undignified look, putting her paws on her waist and huffing. Frosta's ears and tail dropped. -Humph! "a sad life"?! -she exclaimed. -I've got no magic and I have the best time ever practically every day, young missy! So does Catra! So does Sea Hawk and so does Bow! -Well, yeah... but... I mean... -"I fucked up!", Frosta thought. -Y-you got your tech and your bots and all... And Catra's super fast! And Bow has his arrows and... Are we SURE Sea Hawk doesn't have any magic?! I still think he's an heir to some kind of fire Princess or something! Entrapta's ears perked up and her eyes widened with realization. She rested her chin on her paw. -You know what... That's actually a very good theory! -Don't encourage her! -Hordak turned back to them as he settled a sleeping Imp on the control pannell. -Why not? Frosta actually might be onto something here! -Entrapta lifted herself and made her way to Hordak on her ears. -What if he IS some kind of great, great, great, great, great grandson to some fire dweller? What if he was just never taught to control his powers? -He is already a menace as he is, Entrapta! -Hordak's tail swished in annoyance. -He doesn't need more reasons to play with fire! Literally speaking! A whole discussion about it escalated between them. As they chit-chatted, Frosta looked at the screens showing the outside of the big metal machine, watching the snow-covered ground pass as the tank drove itself. Her eyes shot open when she noticed a frozen lake outside. -LAKE! -she pointed with her paw and yelled. -FROZEN LAKE! Can we stop to skate on it?! Please, please, please! Her tail wagged madly as she jumped around them. Entrapta looked at the screen Frosta was pointing to and hummed. -Hmmm! Yeah, it could be fun! -she said. -What do you think, lab partner? -You're joking! In this temperature?! Do you WANT our tails falling frozen, Entrapta?! Frosta growled. -Oh come on, Hordikins! Don't be a stick in the mud! -Entrapta nudged his shoulder. -It could be fun! -Pleeeeaaaaaseee! -Frosta whined. -Aargh! Fine! -the cat hissed. -But don't blame me when someone gets hurt! Entrapta laughed. -Nothing's gonna happen! Don't worry! -YEAH! Frosta barked and howled the whole way they got there. As her little legs touched the snow, she bolted straight for the frozen water. She laughed as she skated trhough the ice, spinning around, jumping, going backwards. The two adults lagged behind, their paws needing to get used to the cold snow. -I hate it here...! -Hordak growled. -I can't feel my paws! -We could get you some snow shoes when we get back! -Entrapta said as she rolled around in the snow. -HEY, SLOWPOKES! -Frosta yelled from the lake. -YOU'RE GONNA TAKE LONG THERE?! Hordak growled at the puppy's lack of respect. Entrapta just shook the snow off her fur and hopped over to the side of the lake with the cat following behind her. -Hey, Hordak, have you ever ice-skated before? You should try! It's really fun! -No, thank you! I doubt I could have even stand! -the clone shook his head. -It's not hard when you get the hang of it! -Entrapta flexed her paw so her claws were apparent. -You just gotta use your claws! When you step, instead of putting pressure in your paw pads, you put pressure on your toes, and your claws dig into the ice! That's why it leaves marks! Right, Frosta? The pup stoped in front of them, sitting on the ice, making a THUMP. -Yeah, I guess... -her ears perked up with mischief. -But he's too chicken to do it! Entrapta shot her a reprehending look and Hordak bared his teeth. -Oh, I'm a "chicken", am I?! -he growled. -Well, then! He got up and attempted to step into the ice, slippering. Frosta laughed as he slowly made his way into the frozen water, remembering Entrapta's advice to use his claws, he struggled as he dug too deep into the ice, making his paws stuck. -Yay, Hordikins! -Entrapta cheered him on. As soon as he made himself some-what stable, Frosta ran circles around him, barking teasingly, nipping at his legs and laughing. Hordak growled and hissed, nipping back at her, swipping his paws at her, while trying not to fall at the same time. -Can't get me! -she blew a raspberry. Hordak leaped at her, attempting to grab the puppy, minding his claws, of course! It quickly turned into a game of tag, if you would consider a dog pup against a full grown extremely technologically advanced clone soldier cat with razor sharp red teeth, a fair game. Frosta didn't seem to be having any problems, unlike Hordak. She ran around and pulled on his legs, causing him to fall on his side. -Frosta! Play nice! -Entrapta scolded. As the puppy turned around again, Hordak struggled to get up, she was about to give him another sarcastic comment when she noticed a crack on the ice right in front of him. Frosta opened her mouth to warn him, but he had taken the first step. The ice gave out underneath him and the cat sunk like a rock. -HORDAK! -she heard Entrapta's desperate cry. Frosta ran to him, grabing his collar and trying to pull him out. He was too heavy! He trembled and clawed at the borders in a desperate attempt to get out, but the ice broke at his sudden movements. She felt Entrapta's ears wrap around her and take her off the ground, pulling her back to the snow with Hordak. She refused to let go of his collar, even when they were on safe groud. Entrapta crawled under his chin to support his head, as he couldn't get up and kept shaking. -Hordak, are you okay? Can you stand up? -Entrapta nudged his cheek gently. Frosta looked at her for any kind of signal on what to do, but she could see tears starting to form on the corner of her eyes. -Inside... now... -Hordak coughed in a weak voice. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Frosta stared at Hordak's sleeping form, frozen in place. Guilt burned in her chest, as her ears dropped and her tail hid between her legs. "This is all my fault!", she repeated over, and over in her head. Entrapta had carried him inside and dried him up. Imp and Emily were in an absolute panic. Hordak laid surrounded in heaters, covered with a heavy blanket, cuddled with the winged kitten and the round bot, who were both also asleep. A loud growling sound came from Hordak. "He's probably mad at me!", she thought. Entrapta's paws tapped in the floor as she walked past the pup with a tray of tiny cups of hot cocoa. She set the tray aside and layed beside the clone, wrapping her ears around him and resting her head on his. The growling became louder, and Entrapta wagged her tail. Frosta took a step back and turned to walk out of tank. "I should go home...". -Frosta? She looked back over her shoulder to Entrapta. -Where are you going? -I'm... Going home... -she said in a low voice. -We're gonna take you home. -But why...? -"But why", why? -I thought... -she avoided the Princess' eyes. -You didn't want to talk to me anymore... -Why wouldn't I want to talk to you? -Entrapta raised her head, confused. -Because... Hordak fell in the ice... And it was my fault...! -I wasn't your fault! -she reached out her ears and wrapped them around Frosta again, bringing her close to them. -You couldn't possibly know the ice would break! It was just an accident! -I know, but still... -Frosta looked at Hordak. She couldn't see his face, but the growling sound echoed out off him in waves. -He's gonna be okay! He just needs to rest for a while and warm up! -Entrapta gave her a warm smile. -I just hope he doesn't get pneumonia... The pup looked back at the sleeping clone. Entrapta wasn't the best at comforting others, and Frosta felt even worst when she remembered how worried Entrapta sounded when Hordak fell in the water. Frosta was doing her best to hold back her tears, but it was very clear in her voice that she wanted to cry. And she hated it. -I don't think I want to hate him anymore... -What do you mean, Frosta? -I mean... He destroyed Etheria and... And he killed a bunch of people, but... B-but he was also nice to you... And he rebuilt Salineas... And he... And he was worried about me when I fell on the snow... -she sniffed. -But I should hate him... He did horrible stuff! Shouldn't I...? Entrapta hummed. She rested her chin on her paws she thought to herself. -I'm not good with other dogs, but I know it's hard to change your mind about someone. Especially if already didn't like them before. -Entrapta held Frosta in a hug, in an attempt to comfort the puppy. -But if they're doing their best to change how they act, maybe you should try to change how you view them too! Like Perfuma always says: "What goes around, comes around!"! -What the fuck does that mean? -I don't know...! Frosta let her tears fall as she looked at her own paws, not knowing what to do to help. Entrapta dried her tears with her ears and planted a small kiss on the pup's head. She nudged the tray to Frosta, who took one of the tiny cups and drinked the hot cocoa. It made her feel a tiny bit better.

I really, really want to know what you guys think about my fics! I feel like I always rush everything, but I’m not the reader! Rebloging always helps!

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uwua3 · 4 years ago

Note

Hi Bunnie! Your Misumi jealousy headcanon was so so amazing! Would it be okay to request the same hc but for Kazu, Tenma + Taichi? Ty and can't wait to see more from you! 🐰

oh my gosh! thank you so much!!! that makes me so happy to hear you enjoyed it; tbh i was a bit nervous due to the different take on misumi’s more thoughtful, erratic side so i’m glad it wasn’t too ooc! for you, i’d love to do a jealous hc for kazunari, tenma, and taichi! let’s GOOO !!!

summary: everyone gets their heart broken, and you were the cause of their broken hearts

warnings: anxiety, cheating, fake/toxic relationships, heartbreak, unrequited love

author’s note: i hope you enjoy it! thank you so much for your support ♡ this is definitely on the longer side for sure, i hope it’s worth the read!!!

i explored different types of jealousy for each person and how it would affect their daily lives! sometimes, the best thing to do is not act on your impulses. is it really worth losing a relationship with someone over? arguably, the only person with a “happy ending” would be taichi~ fair warning!

word count: 4,799 (total) — 2,078 (kazunari), 1,616 (tenma), 1,105 (taichi)

music: ghost heart – closure (kazunari), shouldn’t couldn’t wouldn’t – niki, rich brian (tenma), needs – verzache (taichi)

jealousy (pt.1)

🌻🎨 miyoshi kazunari

it was so hard to always thrive off the attention of others when it was exhausting keeping a smile up

sure, kazunari was a burden when he was excited with his nonstop, loud rant about whatever he learned in his liberal arts university... but people seemed to like him even less when he was quiet and contemplative. he was the butt of the joke, so he had to fake it until he made it

he’d rather be the funny jokester of the group and be remembered as the tolerated clown than forgotten completely

kazunari wanted people to come to him, be his friend, and find him important in their life. kazunari wanted to be everyone’s favorite, the #1, the name you’d say when asked who your best friend was

but no one liked him like that. no one looked to him first when a joke was made to check if he was laughing, everyone assumed he was. but it was so much energy to keep this happy go lucky act and it began taking away from his art

envy made up every cell of his being as he saw groups of supportive friends, students congratulated in front of the class, and just happiness in general. kazunari was always jealous, he wanted so much. he wanted someone to be his best friend

and then, you aced the role with no auditions needed. you made the cut, you entered his life as kazunari’s best friend

you made an effort to include him in group activities, responded to his over–the–top DMs with too many emojis, and even amused him with his spontaneous ideas like road trips to the next town over for the hell of it

it didn’t matter if he called you at the crack of dawn, you picked up before the last ring with just as much enthusiasm to go wherever to make lifelong memories

kazunari didn’t have to pretend like he was full of energy around you, because he was! you charged him up to his full battery and he wouldn’t stop moving until he had you to himself for a few hours

at first, it started out by staying a little bit longer after group project meetings, offering to get absolutely buzzed on overpriced hipster coffee he had to perfect as a barista, and exchanging obvious notes in class while getting in trouble for snickering way too loud

then it became seeing premieres of movies kazunari honestly didn’t care about, he just wanted to do the yawn trick without getting made fun of. he liked dramatically fighting over the popcorn with you before pretending to give up, knowing damn well at the end he’d let you have all his snacks. movies became any event possible: single mixers that were just them huddling in a corner planning to make the most memorable exit ever, mall trips that had inappropiate fashion shows in the dressing rooms before getting kicked out, even beach visits year–round and complaining when the temperatures were too extreme but still having the sickest bonfire

all these moments were posted on his private, more personal instagram where his feed would have your face in every row (he also posted the extremely candid shots of you, he was sneaky with his camerawork). everyone with a social media account knew you guys were platonic soulmates, people destined to meet each other and be by their side for every lifetime

it moved into territory like bringing you to his favorite secret hideouts. eventually, it came down to places he knew his other friends would trash and poke fun at. he began trusting you with his most prized places. his safe space that became yours as well

even his art studio rented out at the border of the urban city with a water–damaged wooden floor. you would drop by everytime he didn’t respond to your text within 10 minutes, with plenty of food because you knew kazunari gets into an obsessive state with completing a project in one sitting. he let you in without a second thought even though you had the spare key; now you were lounging upon a thrifted sofa staring at the sunset

golden hour was gorgeous on you, kazunari thought out of no where, shocking him to the core when he nearly dropped his paintbrush onto the plastic covers. get a hold of yourself man! whatever, he always hyped you up, it wasn’t a big deal. it was just usually, intentional

you didn’t seem to notice, scrolling through your phone as your shadow giggled at something on screen. kazunari felt sick (and it wasn’t the cheap takeout), he hated not being in on the joke and getting left out. jealousy brewed at the pit of his stomach as he faked a childish huff to get your attention. you didn’t look over, too busy sending a meme to someone

“whatchu laughing at?” kazunari asked curiously as he resumed painting, to which you fidgeted under his gaze. shrugging nonchalantly, you pocketed your phone that pinged with a notification. the vibration caused you to read the screen immediately without a second thought. huh...

“just some guy.” you offhandedly mentioned, opening some dating app kazunari could pinpoint. he didn’t know you even liked those types of meet–ups, he dropped his brush this time before fumbling to pick it up as cool as possible

pretending to pay attention to the painting, he lost focus as he glanced at your frame. you looked so relaxed, so casual, who were you so close to? you always told him about the few partners you had, this one threw him for a loop

“guy? don’t tell me my best friend is falling in love~!” kazunari quipped, feigning a pose of shock like it was the worst thing he’s ever heard. honestly, maybe it was, or he was a damn good actor and those hours of practice were working. maybe they were if his best friend couldn’t even see past his facade

you blushed at the implication, but didn’t deny it. you just muttered something about having privacy and rolling over to your side, continuing to text at an inhuman speed

kazunari frowned slightly, drawing his eyebrows together as he couldn’t help but steal glances at your backside. usually he got a joke, a confirmation he was basically your boyfriend, and they both hysterically laughed about it at the end of the day. not this time, apparently

this time, it was different. next time he saw you wasn’t sitting next to him in class, or beneath his arm hiding from the scary film on the projector, it was at the café you frequented to see him. except, you were with someone else. kazunari hadn’t seen you in so long, ever since you were caught messaging someone else

you ordered the same thing as always, you didn’t even have to ask before kazunari had it ready for you. but his whole personality was jittery, like he accidentally ate the entire stock of cacao beans raw. he stammered and his tone fell flat, contrasting his lively speech and flair for drama. he looked... overwhelmed

kazunari spilt your date’s drink last second, his chaotic mind barely controlling his limbs as he knocked over the order. as you tried helping him, every customer saw kazunari hide back in the shell he tried so hard to break. he simply shook his head and delivered his customer service monologue about being very sorry and the next one was on the house

there was at least in attempt in sounding cheerful, but coach would’ve definitely cursed him out for his terrible performance. he knew he was showing too much teeth right now and his eyes were too big to be genuine, but he couldn’t do anything else without his foot tapping repetitively

when you shot him concerned side–eyes from their usual table by the window, you looked different in the orange–hued sky. you were gorgeous in golden hour, kazunari bitterly thought as he wiped down the surfaces until he could see his teary eyes staring back with disgust. he was letting his guard down in front of everyone, how lame

he could hear your walls coming down, you becoming attached to the hip with that date of yours as you two became the only customers left. he heard it all, the flirting, the conversations that would definitely lead to you going back to their place with them. he excused himself to his indifferent manager before hiding in the employee stall, sliding his back down against the wall to sit down on the cold tile floor

kazunari found dates boring. all they led to was him getting his unfinished meal in styrofoam boxes and taking an uber to your place to spill what happened like it was a daily struggle. you laughed and laughed, never having stories of your own since kazunari lived through a lifetime of them for the tall tales

kazunari wanted to go back to that, when both of you were single and laughing together about how absolutely dumb committed relationships were. who else would they need besides each other? kazunari remembered asking, knowing all they could trust in was each other forever

but more importantly, maybe kazunari wanted to be more than your best friend. you were the one who cured his constant artist’s blocks with just words of affirmation, the heartfelt gestures making his serotonin levels skyrocket to oblivion before maxing out on the motivation to create anything that would make your efforts worth it

kazunari thought he just did his best with his friends by his side. but, was it normal for friends to feel like this? kazunari began imagining a painting of a figure, of someone that looked like you, except they were so far away and out of his reach. he wanted to jump through the frame and find you, manifest you for him only

no matter what he did, he couldn’t get the face to resemble anything like yours, like you weren’t his to claim creative rights over anymore

kazunari was jealous. jealous of how easily passerbys fell in love with the way you made anyone feel like they were the main character of their own story. kazunari felt stupid, like he was your comic relief sidekick who so desperately would do anything to be your final love interest

alone, kazunari laughed pitifully to himself as he picked his head up to hear your voice through the thin walls. whatever elaborate joke you were playing on him, it wasn’t funny in the slightest

he only wanted you to laugh with him, hell, he’d go make a fool of himself at any time even if meant you laughed at him

you weren’t one of his artworks, yet you were a masterpiece compared to any canvas he could have made in his entire career

kazunari wanted to paint you in all the colors possible, make you see how you were the rainbow after his rainy life

pushing himself up, kazunari stumbled out of the bathroom before shaking his head. it wasn’t worth it, he got what he wanted, didn’t he? you’re still his best friend, you just loved someone else, that’s all. all he ever wanted was a best friend, why wasn’t he satisfied with that?

when would he stop being jealous? (when would he be your #1 boy? he thought against his will)

taking a deep breath to compose himself, kazunari smiled and waved at the new couple. he saw the relief on your face before you resumed the discussion with the most animated expression he hadn’t seen in a long time. he couldn’t even recall when

everything would go back to normal before you became kazunari’s best friend. you would begin hanging out with the other person more, taking them to all kazunari’s best events. you would eventually stop answering his calls because it interfered with the other person’s schedule. you’d have plans outside of him, and kazunari would go back to being by himself. he’d keep going on dates and stay till the end this time, searching for his #1

(he would have to mute your account after seeing your posts with them, but he never told you that)

kazunari heard something other than you. he looked towards the window: it was raining again, again, and again. he opened his smartphone to take a picture:

kaz–PIKO [new post!]: i hope this rain ends soon!!!

it didn’t, at least, not for a very long time

🌻☀️ sumeragi tenma

tenma was what you would call, gifted. grew up with successful, charistmatic parents who watched his every move like a hawk, never giving him the time to improve from his mistakes

so every time he didn’t immediately get something, he’d give up and find other things to beat others at

the only thing he did that was acceptable to his father was acting, so he never looked back

tenma became a headliner of countless blockbuster movies and walked the red carpet as a fabricated actor with no authenticity

magazines labelled tenma as the playboy with on & off again relationships, although they were staged by his label to make him appear like some heartbreaker

truth was, he’s just like every other high school student who was really bad at focusing on academics (and had definitely not been in a real relationship)

but tenma was famous, fake friends came and went every time his popularity rose, hitting him up for favors. it was okay, he was famous, anyways. it’s not like he needed a bunch of no–bodies

at least, that’s what he told himself every time he sat with his parents at awards banquets with no one to share his success

(tenma was not jealous at all of stars with full rows of people of their friends who were always so loud and supportive)

(it wasn’t awkward going up on stage to receive a trophy with only polite clapping in the background)

you got cast as tenma’s next love interest

you were supposed to be a fake relationship that lasted longer than every other person he’s been with before

you were an up and coming actress full of potential and enthusiasm to boot, ready to take on in the industry like you were the biggest threat around

but it was clear, you loved acting

you loved playing different characters like they were an extension of yourself, paying close attention to other people’s habits so you could incorporate it in your own persona

it was strange—meeting someone who loved acting at its core and didn’t do it for the money. most people wanted their name in lights, drama with them in the middle, to have an adoring fanbase. who actually liked acting as an art form?

tenma was sure you were just hiding something, lying about your sweetheart public image to gain fans

you and tenma became public by having a public brunch date (tenma hated brunch, it was so pointless!) where photographers hid in bushes to take expensive pictures of tenma’s newest girl

tenma at first put on a facade, pretending to be the cocky star everyone made him out to be by flexing his muscles with a charming but practiced wink. why not, right? every girl loved that!

all of a sudden, you were gripping the tablecloth, dying laughing as you tried your best to stifle your outrageous response. tenma grew hot under the collar when it was clear you were very much a real, hard to hide your feelings type person off screen

immediately, he told you off in an aggressive manner but before he could apologize for being so suddenly boyish, you retorted back just as quickly. the friendly banter between you two sent sparks flying from the electric energy

those staged acts didn’t have any effect on you (unless he was in the mood for some serious jokes which he gladly fought back) so a genuine friendship formed

due to you both being competitive at heart, you guys were always caught in a friendly rivalry where you two shared real bonding moments together

your chemistry was off the charts (your managers were both very pleased with the outcome, oblivious to tenma’s defensive no ways!)

tenma’s favorite memory was ditching a panel interview without his parent’s permission to go blow his money on a popular chain arcade im the mall he could most definitely afford with his credit card. it was impulse but he texted you the address and miracously, you showed up on your own

both of you wore the worst disguises possible: snapbacks and funky graphic tee shirts as if you two were just regular students. tenma tried everything that even caught his eye, and you knew he wasn’t entirely happy with anything he got despite winning ten games already

clearly he wasn’t getting distracted enough, something must have happened on set

so you made a bet, whoever won the basketball hoops game would take all the tickets. you knew this would ignite the competitive flame within tenma

“you’re on!” tenma declared, shaking your hand with a firm grip and wolfish grin. that would be one of the last times tenma saw you as “one of the boys”

it was when you finally won against his bruised ego but chose a prize for him that tenma realized, he liked you for you. normally, he’d be showering his fake partner with stuffed animals before being ditched on the street corner, the plastered smiles gone and replaced with nasty annoyance

(he’d never admit it, but even the fake affection was nice while it lasted)

no one really liked him for him, he was just another famous teen actor with passable looks to be the side boyfriend

yet, you still got him something despite winning, giving him the plant and ignoring his surprised face

it wasn’t expensive, but it was the most meaningful gift he’s ever received

it was the first time tenma was given a present like that: a tiny bonsai tree

“maybe that’ll teach you some responsibility!” you joked, pushing him teasingly as he just stared at the little tree, feeling like something inside grew as well

he ignored it by challenging you to a DDR tournament (you won, again)

tenma began seeing the bonsai as a symbol of your friendship with him, and it felt good to finally have someone who would go out of their way to be his friend

(as a result, the bonsai was as healthy as ever)

but maybe, his macho–man act turned you off the wrong way and made him seem like a spoiled rich kid. you never could open up seriously about problems you had without laughing at tenma’s serious face, always messing up his bright orange hair and calling him a loser

tenma was tired of being a kid in your eyes, he wanted to be your manly boyfriend that wasn’t just a legacy actor

he was jealous every time you talked about your actual friends from home, who you shared everything with and made them out like they were the best people on the planet

it was silly, but did you think about him like that? did your friends even know you were with him?

tenma, for the first time, wanted a relationship that was more than just a publicity stunt. he wanted to be your boyfriend, more than just the faker

he wanted to meet your friends, then your family, and learn more about who you actually were. know what you were made up of, past the glamarous movie lifestyle he knew too well

tenma wanted to stop lying to the media because you deserved the truth

tenma wanted to recite his script about love but mean it, pretending like he was staring into your eyes and delivering the best performance of his life (if you ignore the fact he almost said your name)

but every time you guys went out, you acted like you were a babysitter and tenma was a child. you never could see him as a potential partner, just a rival who reacted like a brother would

but you read his behavior all wrong

(though honestly, tenma took every opportunity possible to have you close, because he knew you’d never be his again)

by the time the contract was up, tenma was too late. you were ruffling his hair and smiling like a sibling would, commenting on how fun it was to be with him and he could call you up anytime for tutoring. to you, he was just some high schooler who needed you to study with

but to tenma, he had caught feelings and there was nothing he could do about it

tenma would soon see the tragic news titles of how japan’s favorite it–couple split and you moved onto someone else

(someone much more serious and cool than he was, unfortunately)

tenma began booking roles in much more different films, ones with much more somber tones and melancholy scenes that fit his jealousy perfectly (he was often reviewed as having a “real connection” to his character, like he lived through the pain)

tenma noticed the way you were around the same age as your idol partner, how you actually held his hand while blushing for once. you even kissed them and hugged them in front of the cameras, which you refused to do with tenma, saying it would be weird to kiss a kid

tenma was jealous. jealous how he wasn’t as grown up as you wanted him to be. how he wasn’t mature and had a fiery temper and didn’t think things through. but his next partner was assigned and he had an outing with them soon

as soon as tenma met up with them, he flashed a picture perfect smile and heard the cameras flash behind him. they seemed to like that

his new partner didn’t question a thing as tenma addressed them by your name without noticing

that day, tenma came home to his bonsai dying, despite watering it properly

tenma gave up on you, despite the jealousy. if he wasn’t good at this dating game, there was no need to try anymore

he didn’t return back to that arcade for a while

🍁🛹 nanao taichi

the moment taichi saw you, he was convinced you were the one like every hopeless romantic out there

he was literally blown away. the wind picked up stronger when he saw you and he swore he saw red hearts around you

pretending to skateboard like he was just passing by, he bumped into you on veludo way and pretended like he had no idea where he was going

“sorry! i’m a bit lost... could you help me?” taichi paired it with his puppy eyes and tragic pout, unaware he was a bunny face to face with a wolf in sheep’s clothing

but you recognized him, the famous actor from mankai’s autumn troupe

yet, you pretended to follow his plan, knowing how quickly mankai was regaining its popularity status in theatre

(hey, maybe you’d even get free stuff if you played your cards right)

then began your relationship with taichi, where he was head over skates for you and did everything in his power to make you stay

taichi rearranged his schedule for you, staying up countless hours into the next day just to text you and have every possible moment with you

taichi always reserved you front row seats for every mankai production, sometimes even bringing you backstages despite the warnings from his other members

(they never really liked you, especially not the way you had so much control over taichi)

“taichi... you look tired. are you okay?” omi asked one day, when taichi had been on his phone the entire meal and anxiously fidgeted for a reply

(you sometimes did that just to mess with him a little, by leaving his multiple messages on read) (he hated it)

“me? i’m doing the best i could be!” taichi exclaimed, sneaking a glance at his screen to still see it dark

when omi carefully nodded and turned around, taichi’s posture slouched and the insomnia he was developing just to talk began catching up to his performance

taichi did everything a perfect boyfriend did in plays: wrote you love letters (you never read them), created thoughtful playlists that flowed well (you never listened), even learning new fun talents just to impress you (you never paid attention)

it was never enough to make you see him as more than a key to the theatre industry

to you, taichi was nothing more than a loyal puppy on a leash

taichi didn’t realize how tight his collar was until he was confronted by his troupe members, all who were as serious as it got with them

“what’s up?” taichi offered, faking a grin and suppressing the yawn building in his throat. the bags under his eyes were dark, and his blue eyes were dull. he hadn’t slept in so long. he was low on money for buying too many things. he couldn’t remember the last time he finished a meal

omi exchanged looks with the others, knowing he had to be the one to deliver the news because well, maybe he’d soften the blow a bit better

it must be bad if even juza and banri are not fighting, taichi mused, not really listening until he heard:

“—they’re cheating on you, taichi.”

taichi’s head snapped up, his body becoming rigid from the accusation. his sight landed on a digital image on banri’s phone screen, where you were clearly all over another person

(taichi remebered them, they were your lockscreen. he never questioned it)

(even if he was always jealous of how you hung out with every other friend much more than him, you own boyfriend!)

there was nothing to justify. banri explained how he and juza came upon them at the mall, and he was sorry

(it wasn’t banri’s fault, but he apologized because he was genuinely sorry for all taichi went through)

it’s not like he could say anything, the photo was clear as day! but taichi’s fists were tight by his side and he stood up defiantly

“that’s not true! maybe, that’s just their friend! or family member! i trust them, stop making baseless claims against them!” taichi knew he was making a scene, but it gave him a window to storm out of the front door and run down the sidewalk

“taichi!” he heard, but no one dared followed him. maybe he needed to face it by himself and open his eyes

they’d be back waiting for him at the end of the day when he finally realized he didn’t deserve to be in a toxic situation like this

(taichi did so much to become even better, just so you would like him more... it never worked)

taichi stopped at the park, panting deeply and leaning forward to catch his breath

this couldn’t be possible! he was the perfect boyfriend, right? he did everything for you... what wasn’t enough? when would he be enough?

but the proof was right there. taichi could see you with the same person in the image right in front of him

that’s when it hit. you knew taichi had acting practice right now, he wouldn’t know any better

all the pent–up anger within him exploded, his desperation masking a much more weak, unstable truth: fear of abandonment and the unrequited jealousy of the other person, no matter how much he hated to admit it

taichi was jealous. jealous of how you liked everyone else so much better than him, taichi wanted to be better, for you

but you were gonna leave him, toss him aside like your time together was nothing, like he was nothing

you never loved him, you liked the attention

taichi finally saw the signs, the red flags you were manipulative and knew he was easy enough to twist and break. he opened his eyes and you hadn’t even noticed him

but then, he tried to tell himself maybe he actually liked that, but it sounded hollow and fake even to him

taichi had to say no now

taichi was hurt, but he couldn’t show that to you anymore. you didn’t deserve the privilege having a say in his feelings anymore

walking by and pretending to bump into you, your face didn’t change as you saw him, simply raising an eyebrow in question

“just leave me for somebody else,” taichi humorlessly laughed, staring at the way you felt nothing for him

you stepped onto his heart and broke it, there was nothing else to say. even then, he wish he was the person you loved, even if it killed him

“enjoy yourself.” taichi finished, knowing these would be the last words he would ever say to you before returning back to the dorms

he didn’t look back, not anymore

197 notes · View notes

sombreboy · 5 years ago

Text

Love Maze »7

Previous » Next Series Masterlist ▎ 18+ ▎ pairing: Taehyung x Jungkook ▎ genre: School AU, crack humor, smut, angst, ETL, slow burn, fluff. ▎ word count: 5k ▎ ch.warnings: cursing, second hand embarassment because it’s so damn cheesy & fluffy, discussions of sexuality, violence(Tae’s abusive father).

Co-writer: @velvetwicebang ♡♡♡ Banner made by my lovely @ppersonna ily ily ily

Namjoon was standing idly, leaned against the wall in the midst of people with a drink in his hand, eyes immediately widening when he spots the two boys approaching him.

Jungkook already felt embarrassed, the entire situation hadn’t quite hit him until now that their captain had caught them completely naked.

Along with Namjoon knowing, maybe he might’ve told Jin..

Also Jimin— Hoseok, too.

And Yoongi eavesdropped.

So far, everyone was aware of the pair’s earlier whereabouts..

Mark’s guest room.

“Hey, guys! Uhm, how are you?” Yoongi said chirpier than usual, and Taehyung already knew they were fucked. The mint haired boy barely smiled, at least not to the extent where his gums could be seen.

Tae’s body gravitated to Jungkook’s side, his stance still unsteady whilst his narrowed eyes suspiciously raked over the familiar faces of his hyungs.

Fuck, why did this have to happen to him?

Could he even talk to them again? Even less be in the same room?

“What.” Taehyung broke the silence with a straight-face, crossing his arms over his chest.

Namjoon wearily glanced at their surroundings, “Well.. we were going to leave the party and eat out at some fast food place. If you’re not too tired— Which, why would you be? Shit..”

He rubbed at his nape before continuing, “What I’m trying to say is.. want to come along? We want you both there..”

The Captain mumbled, as if saying that no matter the trauma his eyes went through, Kook and Tae were still loved.

Maybe Jungkook already knew that, but something told Namjoon that Tae wasn’t as comfortable.

Taehyung seemed to think about it for a long moment, gaze worried. He’d just told Jungkook how he felt, plus now all of their friends knew they were having sex..

He still needed to figure out where to go from here, in terms of Kook and him..

Hell, he didn’t even know what he wanted. Tae liked Jungkook just.. in secrecy.

“I dunno.” Taehyung shrugged, “Kook, do you wanna go?”

Now they really seemed like a couple; he asked the younger what he thought, as if he wasn’t interested in going if Jungkook wasn’t going to be there. As if they came in a pair..

He really wanted to bang his head against the nearest wall, badly.

Jungkook seemed a bit less troubled by the fact that all of his hyungs seemed aware of what was going on between the two boys. He was open about his own sexuality after all.

However, that doesn't mean he wasn't flustered everytime Namjoon made eye contact with him.

Kook stood close to the elder, serving as a physical support in case his sore body decided not to obey his movements.

His head quickly jerked in Tae’s direction of the sound of his nickname, considering his question before responding,

"I'm starved, I could go for some food."

He wasn't lying, he had barely eaten before the party and now all his energy was spent fucking-- he needed food.

He just wasn't sure if he wanted to spend some more time alone with taehyung...was his body even okay? He went really hard on him..

In the end, Jungkook decides, a weird feeling filling his senses when it seems like Taehyung would want to do whatever he chooses. He nods at his hyungs, Namjoon mimicking the nod,

"Cool, yeah you need to eat especially after-- ah let's just go!" Namjoon stuttered out, internally cursing his big mouth.

As Taehyung limped behind the rest of the boys, making sure to stay close to Jungkook, Mila approached him.

“Taehyung!” Her icy eyes glared into his chocolate-colored ones, coming over with the intention of interrogating the shit out of him, but that was put on the back burner soon enough.

“What.. what happened to you?”

She questioned, seeing that Tae looked weaker than usual, legs wobbly as he walked.

“Did— Did he beat you up?” Mila pointed over at Jungkook, remembering Namjoon’s words from a few minutes ago. She guessed they must’ve had a feud, which ended in a physical fight.

“Taehyung, baby..” The woman cupped the boy’s sullen face, brushing his fringe away from his eyes to look at him more clearly.

“Mila—“ He tried to speak but she wouldn’t let him, shushing him gently.

Was she that desperate?

“Taehyung, Jungkook!” Jin whistled at them, trying to give them an excuse to get the hell out of there. “I’m starving, you know I get moody when I’m hungry!”

“I gotta go..” Taehyung shrugged, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his pants.

Mila stared at him dumbfounded, watching as Tae left her behind with a blurry vision.

It didn’t make any sense..

“Fuck, that was close.” Taehyung mumbled to the younger as they made their way to his car, bidding goodbye to the rest of the boys for now.

Shit. He regretted parking a few streets down..

In the midst of their calming walk, Taehyung snuck a few glances at Jungkook, trying to be subtle despite him never being good at that..

“I had fun.” The elder shrugged his shoulders, not trying to sound cheesy or anything of that sort.

“..Did you?”

As he was mildly annoyed yet amused by the entire Mila scene, he was relieved that they finally made it out of the suffocating building to head back towards the car. He kept his pace a little slower than usual, meaning sure he kept his form next to Taehyung.

Speaking of Taehyung, who suddenly seems full of surprises today. Since when would he ask Jungkook what he thought? Twice.

And not to forget the fact that Taehyung, for the first time, had mentioned that he's got feelings for the younger male.

Jungkook gazed over at Tae, a small smile on his lips forming due to the sweetness of that question. It was silly-- but he enjoyed that if he felt like his opinion mattered. And, after the confession, some of the elders actions automatically seemed to be of different meaning than when he didn't know.

"One of the best nights of my life."

Kook felt a little brave, blaming it on the alcohol, letting his hand chase for the elders to delicately grab it in his. It was dark out, barely anybody around... why not hold his hand? He craved it, almost as much as craving his body. It was much deeper than that.

The elder shook his head, stifling a chuckle of his own.

“That’s a little bit of a stretch, don’t you think?”

Nevertheless, Taehyung secretly agreed with Jungkook. Aside from the random boy puking buckets in the restroom, it was a pretty awesome night. Scratch that, the best night.

Expecting the surprisingly comfortable silence to linger for a little longer, Tae yelped when he felt something brush against his hand, only to relax when seeing that the ‘something’ was attached to Jungkook’s body.

The elder looked at their surroundings, making sure that no one was close. He was glad that it was dark out; Taehyung’s face was a hue of red.

But then again, if Jungkook caught him, he’d just blame it on the cold.

“Come on, let’s hurry..” Tae bit down on his lip, squeezing onto the younger’s hand before pulling him along to his car.

They’d settled for McDonald’s, where they met Namjoon and the rest of the boys at one of the enclosed booths in the corner.

It seemed big enough for all of them, and even if it wasn’t, they were going to have to make it work.

Taehyung slid into the middle, holding back a groan when he’d been so careless to his butt’s feelings. And it was feeling pretty fuckin’ hurt.

“That lady keeps glaring at us..” Hoseok pouted, eyeing the older woman behind the counter who looked like she would rather be in hell.

“Of course she is, Hoseok. We literally came in thirty minutes before they closed.” Jimin sighed, taking a seat.

“Well, we better make those thirty minutes count, huh?” Namjoon smiled, glancing over at Jungkook and Taehyung. “It gives us enough time to talk..”

God, the elder was /horrible/ at being subtle, even worse than Taehyung.

Jungkook loudly slipped through the straw of his soda, preferably he’d just not have this conversation at all. He feels like he's had so many revealing moments in the past few weeks that he swears at this point confrontations were just a part of his daily life.

He glances at Taehyung, knowing that even if they know-- even if /he/ knows how tae feels, he is absolutely useless at communicating himself. So, in a sense, he needed this 'group meeting'.. whether he wanted it or not.

"Was it good?" Yoongi blurts out noncommittally, however a small spark of interest lingered in his eyes when he looked at the boys. It didn't last long though, both Jimin & Jin kicking at his leg below the table.

Kook leaned forward a little bit, his doe eyes moving across the table until they land on namjoon. Of course he looked like he was about to explode from word vomit.

"Just ask, hyung, you look like you're about to burst."

Drawing small chuckles from the group, Namjoon takes a quiet deep breath before he throws out his first question. It might be terribly inappropriate, but not knowing for certain was gnawing at his senses.

Of course, before he managed to open his mouth, Yoongi's voice once more asked out loud what everyone was initially thinking, no beating around the bush,

"So, you're both gay?" All eyes flickered between the two boys, slightly more focused on Taehyung. They already know kook is gay-- but Kim Taehyung?!

Taehyung nearly choked on his chicken nuggets.

“No.” He was quick to shoot everyone’s suspicions down, “I mean.. I’m not gay.”

A few seconds later, and the elder didn’t seem so sure.

“Fuck, I-I don’t know.”

Taehyung stuffed his face with some more food, too embarrassed to meet anyone’s eye. He didn’t know who he was, all he knew was that he kinda, sorta really liked Jeon Jungkook.

Maybe he was Kook-sexual. Surprisingly, that made the most sense to him..

“Well, you know. You can be bi, pansexual..” Jin encouraged, stealing one of Tae’s nuggets.

“I don’t know, alright?” Taehyung playfully slapped his hyung’s hand away, guarding his food.

Can these thirty minutes go by even slower?

The elder felt like he was in the middle of an interrogation, and in some way, he was.

Why was his sexuality that big of a deal? It’s not like Tae’s one to flaunt it wherever he went.

The boy just wanted to eat his chicken nuggets in peace.

Jungkook quietly listened in on the conversation, chewing his double burger with a content hum, until, finally, it was his turn to have the attention turned to him,

''Kook,'' Jimin was curious, ''What happened to Ash? I thought you two were a thing--'' He got interrupted by Namjoon, ''Yeah, I thought so too?''

Now everyone stared at the youngest, his eyes widening as he could literally feel his body freeze at the mention of his name. The memories were still fresh, the fear ingrained in his chest in the form of anxiety. He takes a deep breath,

''Not a thing. He's a psycho.''

Jungkook was straight to the point, cold and it was obvious he didn't want to speak further on the topic, the message duly noted by the group. Namjoon cleared his throat after a few seconds of worry, they surely didn't know what had happened. Only the two boys knew.

''Well... What about you two?'' His eyes flickered between Tae & Kook

“What about us?” Taehyung relaxed after having brushed off Ash’s name, his shoulders no longer tense, and his face no longer morphed into a scowl.

“He meant if you guys are together.” Yoongi nonchalantly clarified, “Since, you know, you were fucking.”

Everyone went silent. Partly because of shock, and the other from anticipation.

“Uh..” Taehyung glanced at Jungkook, not knowing the answer to that question himself.

“It’s none of your business, hyungs.” He sipped on his strawberry milkshake, mind still clouded with confusion.

Were they together..?

No, Kook didn’t say anything.

But he did confess..

Jungkook was probably over him.

“Well, let’s start off here.. When you think of Jungkook, what comes to mind?”

Jimin suddenly turned into the love expert, crossing his legs before leaning further on the table.

Taehyung raised a brow, amused by Jimin’s facade. He hesitated whether or not to answer, but Tae guessed there was no harm in doing so..

“Fine.” He sighed, feeling defeated. Tae’s back sank back into the booth, gaze glued to his thighs to make everything a little more bearable.

“When I think of Jungkook.. I think of asshole.” A smile tugged at the corner of his lips.

“An asshole that I’d purposely picked on since third grade.. because I wanted to talk to him. I didn’t know how else to get his attention.”

He fidgeted with his fingers. “I really liked his eyes. Still do. I think that’s the first thing that drew me towards him, physically. But.. the more I talked to him— or picked on him, I learned that he was witty.. and still, such an asshole.” Taehyung chuckled, taking a small pause. “I like assholes, though—“

“Figuratively and literally, huh?” Hoseok wiggled his brows.

“Hyung, please shut up.” Tae glared at him, shaking his head before continuing. “Anyways. I guess Jungkook can be kind. He’s dorky. He’s pretty..”

When he felt himself begin to blush, that’s when Taehyung stopped. Truth is he had a lot more to say, but it’d probably take the whole night.

Tae continued to drink his milkshake, looking at the table instead of at his smiling hyungs.

“Okay..” Jimin tried hard not to giggle. “What about you, Jungkookie? What do you think of Tae?”

Jungkook was already a flustered mess at the way Taehyung had suddenly opened up and verbalize his feelings in a manner that the younger has never heard. ever. Even if it included the word asshole at least four times.

Nobody has ever said such things about him, and for that person to be Kim Taehyung.... Was this real life? Jungkook had to squeeze his thigh to make sure it was.

''What about you, Jungkookie? What do you think of Tae?'' Jimin suddenly caught the youngest's attention with his singsong voice.

''I hated him, and lo-... liked him at the same time,'' Jungkook pauses, his hands holding on to his own thighs to keep himself grounded. He really was such a mess of emotions, even though he rarely wanted to speak out about them,

''He's blunt... honest, and even if he was an asshole to me this entire time, he never pitied me...'' It was an important fact, that he wasnt treated like a fragile butterfly by everyone simply because of everything hes been through. And the fact that Tae wasnt aware of his struggles, was only a good thing.

''Just... I feel safe with him.'' Jungkook nods to confirm his own words, a soft smile pulling on his lips at the memory of Taehyung literally running, dropping everything to come get him when he needed it.

''And... I let him pick on me all this time, because I enjoyed it..'' Kook made a face, it probably sounded weird to say, ''I didn't think he'd give me any other kind of attention, and since I liked him, it was good enough.''

Another pause, the boys' mouths hanging open as they are completely focused on what the youngest was saying, Hoseok clutching his chest at the moment,

''He just makes me feel safe, and that he cares.. in his own way...And he's always been really easy on the eyes.''

If he was still munching on his greasy nuggets, Taehyung was sure that he would’ve actually choked on them.

At the moment, he settled for biting on his straw. Anything to not unglue his eyes from the table. He felt the tip of his ears turn red, as well as the apples of his cheeks.

Why did this have to uncover with their hyungs present..? But then again, Tae thanked the lords that Jimin opened up his mouth.

If it wasn’t for the smaller boy, he would’ve never been able to fawn over Jungkook’s words. Even if he didn’t show it.

“It’s getting kinda late..” Taehyung looked at his invisible watch, glancing up at Kook for the second time.

Tae was still shy, but he didn’t like to admit it.

“You ready to go?” The elder tried to not let his voice waver, still sipping on his milkshake as a distraction.

Jungkook quickly nodded, his cheeks feeling just as hot from this entire situation of exposure,

''Yeah.''

He wobbled up on his legs, bowing to his hyungs as he waited for Taehyung to follow suit, ''Uh, see you guys tomorrow.'' Kook murmured, his eyes not failing to notice the group of boys wearing various versions of a smile on their lips, others more surprised still by this entire thing.

As Taehyung got up with him, they walked side by side to exit the McDonalds, heading towards the car. As soon as Kook was able to sit down inside of the vehicle, isolated from the outside world together with Tae, he let out a deep, relieved sigh, that contained all of his anxiety that he'd held in the entire dinner. All of this information is still a lot to process, yet not that hard to digest.

Taehyung did like him.

He glanced over at the elder as he sat down carefully, kook internally blaming himself for the soreness in tae's body.

''I don't think I've ever seen you so flustered.''

“Shut up..” The elder timidly grinned, “Kim Taehyung doesn’t get flustered.”

He carefully sat his treasured strawberry shake in the cup holder, moving around in his seat until he found a position that his butt was happy with.

Tae’s body was still so sore..

“So I’m easy on the eyes, hm?” The boy decided it was his turn to tease Kook, resting his head back against the headrest whilst he stared out of the window.

He didn’t feel like driving right now; the sky looked too beautiful to ignore.

All of the stars had seemed to come out from their hiding spots and shine down on them.

Namjoon and the rest of the group had already left, which left the pair alone in the McDonald’s parking lot.

Jungkook breathed out a chuckle through his nose, leaning towards the window to enjoy the view. The stars surely were bright tonight, and it was beautiful.

Something about seeing all those stars made Jungkook feel so small, and it calmed him down.

''Yeah, you are.'' He murmured, his big doe eyes in awe at the bright night sky, the glimmer in the distanced orbs of fire reflecting into his dark eyes,

He could feel words stuck on his tongue, he wanted to ask... Indulging in the small silence for another moment, he decides to just... say it,

''I really... really like you.''

Instead of looking at the stars in the sky, Taehyung stared at the star next to him, his twinkling eyes slightly enlarging from Kook’s abrupt confession.

“Jungkook..” The elder gulped, overthrown by different emotions all at once.

Happiness, scared, fear, embarrassment...pride. It was overwhelming, but just enough for Taehyung to still endure it.

“I really.. really, really fucking like you too.” He admitted for the second time that night, feeling a clench in his chest.

Leaning over from his seat, Tae rested a hand on Jungkook’s thigh to balance himself before kissing the faint scar on the boy’s cheek, pulling away to gaze into his eyes.

Fuck, this was so cheesy. But maybe cheesy wasn’t all that bad..

Jungkook turned to face Taehyung the second after he felt the soft warmth of his lips against his cheek, his big doe eyes staring into the eyes of the very man that's been the culprit of stealing his heart.

A wave of every single emotion he was capable of feeling swirled in his chest, washed away from the small, simple touch of Taehyung's lips on his cheek-- leaving nothing but affection left to stay.

''Do you...'' he pauses, his hand settling on top of Taehyung's hand settled on his thigh, nervously smoothing his thumb over the elders knuckles, his eyes flickering between Tae's,

''Want to date me? Like... be my..'' He couldn't finish his sentence, it felt like his heart was about to burst through his ribcage. He's never felt so nervous about asking someone out before. Honestly, he's never asked somebody out before. How the fuck to people do this frequently?

“Be your..?” For the first time in a while, Taehyung giggled from the butterflies roaming freely in his stomach.

Who would’ve thought that Jeon Jungkook would be asking him out in the McDonald’s parking lot?

Tae wouldn’t have it any other way. The setting was perfect, even if Jungkook hadn’t gone all out. After all, everything was so sudden.

The elder preferred this much more, just the two of them..

“Your boyfriend? Your friend? Your fuck buddy?”

At this moment, Taehyung indulged himself in the present. Their problematic past didn’t matter, and he was sure that their future would be fine.

Even though the whole dating scheme was new to him, Tae was willing to give it his all.

The latter still couldn’t believe it.. How did a rough, lust-filled night turn into something so sweet?

Taehyung would never forget this moment; he wouldn’t allow it.

Jungkook couldn't help but let out a snort at Taehyung's words, scrunching his nose as a toothy grin adorned his lips,

''All of the above. Do you want to be my boyfriend?'' He finally had the courage to say it, finally, officially ask him the big question. To clarify whatever this was once and for all.

With a restrained nod of his head, Taehyung broke the unwanted distance between their lips.

He kissed Jungkook sweetly, only focusing on how soft he felt against his mouth.

The other hand that wasn’t placed on the boy’s thigh was cupping his face, drawing Kook deeper into the kiss.

When Taehyung finally pulled away, a string of saliva still connected the two of them together, that’s when Tae voiced out his answer.

“Yeah, I do. ‘M not too sure about the fuck buddy part though..” The elder hummed playfully, stealing another peck before situating himself back on his seat.

McDonald’s suddenly had a /whole/ different meaning..

He was indeed ‘Lovin’ It.’

“Okay, we should go now.” As if he was still in a trance, Taehyung started his car.

The boy took one last look at the stars, and then at Jungkook, wanting to engrave this corny moment in his head.

When he felt like he’d saved the mental image, Tae happily drove off towards Kook’s apartment.

Jungkook nods, unable to wipe the dumb smile off his face, feeling like a giddy child on christmas.

During the somewhat silent drive, all he heard was the rumbling of the car engine, and Kook took every chance he got to glance over at Taehyung in between watching the streetlights flash by.

He felt good, free.. Happy...For the first time in who knows how long.

Jungkook had a boyfriend.

A real boyfriend.

He almost vibrated in his seat at the thought.

“Okay, get out of my car, Kook.” Taehyung joked once he’d parked in front of Jungkook’s apartment, part of him not wanting to say goodbye quite yet.

But, he should. His father was probably home, ‘worrying’ to death about his son’s whereabouts this late into the night.

Yeah, that was funny.

No, Tae just needed to get home to save himself from a beating. It was weird, really..

His father gave zero shits about him, yet he still demanded he was home by a specific time.

Taehyung just hoped that he was passed out drunk. He wanted to sneak up to his room and replay the day’s events all over again.

“Hey..” He hesitantly wrapped his fingers around Jungkook’s wrist, tugging at his arm.

With a quick look at their surroundings, making sure that no one else was around, Taehyung finally looked back at the younger once again.

“Are you really going to leave me without a kiss?”

Tae was serious, he wanted a good night’s smooch from, well.. his boyfriend.

It still felt weird to say that, or even think it..

But, something told him he’d get used to it pretty quick.

Jungkook raised his eyebrows when Taehyung said those words. It really was so new to head and see him act this way... but kook liked it. His heart felt so light when he leaned back in to place a soft kiss on Taehyung's lips, letting it linger for a little longer. He wishes he could just bring the elder in with him, but... his parents must worry about him.

Now that kook thinks about it, he doesn’t really know much about Taehyung's personal life— except for, well, being a part of it himself now.

Either way, the night had to come to an end.

“Goodnight, Taehyungie..” Jungkook brushed Tae’s fringe away from his eyes before placing one last, chaste kiss on his lips.

“I’ll see you tomorrow~”

Kook opened the door, stepping out of the car and walking up to his front door, all while glancing back at his boyfriend over his shoulder before shooting a wide smile, followed with a small wave.

He really could get used to this.

One last look at the car, and kook decided it was time to head inside, it was way too cold to stand and say goodbye for too long, he just wanted to go sleep, so that he’d be able to see taehyung tomorrow again.

After waving back at Jungkook, Tae drove off to his house with a smile temporarily sketched on his face, still feeling the soft touch of Kook’s lips on his. Still replaying the boy’s nervous confession in his head.

He was so happy..

The happiest he’s been in months, really.

And all because of the male he’d once despised, or pretended to.

Could the night get any better? Taehyung doubted it, Jungkook wasn’t by his side.

“Ah shit,” He disappointedly sighed to himself, scolding his cheesy thoughts.

“Is this what a relationship does to you..”

Grabbing the half-empty milkshake, Tae brought the chewed-up straw up to his lips before carefully opening the front door.

He peeked his head inside, quietly stepping in when he realized that his father was passed out on the couch, some show playing on the TV.

After taking off his shoes, Taehyung was about to tiptoe his way up the stairs when the snoring had come to a sudden stop. Confused, he looked back into the living room.

His father had woken up from his slumber, drowsily surveying around the room when his piercing eyes landed on Taehyung.

“Son..” The older man slurred, still dressed in his work suit as he approached Tae on unsteady feet.

He was drunk.

“How was school?”

He was very drunk.

Taehyung clenched his jaw, “It’s 11:23 at night, dad.”

Thankfully, the man didn’t seem to be in one of his moods. He was out of it.

Tae hated himself for worrying.

“Ah.. well, it was a very long school day.” With a soft chuckle, he stumbled back into the kitchen, aiming for the fridge.

Taehyung saw this and he quickly followed after him, knowing what he was searching for.

The man tried taking a hold of another beer when Tae stopped him, softly taking a hold of his wrist so as to not anger him.

“Dad.. I think you’ve had enough, okay? Uh, maybe tomorrow.”

The older man scoffed, pulling himself away from Taehyung’s hold.

“I’m an adult, I can do whatever I want.”

His fingers itched to touch the cold bottle, but Taehyung was there to stop him. Again.

“What’s your problem?!” He grew annoyed, angry with Taehyung for trying to control him.

Just like him, Tae grew annoyed as well.

“What’s my problem?” He repeated, as if it wasn’t already obvious enough.

“My problem is that you can’t see you’re a fucking alcoholic! That’s my problem.” Taehyung’s chest heaved, already over the edge.

“Why— Just why can’t you see that shit is killing you? You’re obli-“ Before he knew it, his body fell to the floor.

His father had thrown a punch to his jaw, causing Tae to lose his balance.

He’d banged his head pretty hard, and when Taehyung finally took complete notice of what was happening, it was already too late.

The older man sat on top of him, repeatedly pounding his fist into his face, eyes dark like the devil’s.

Taehyung groaned in pain, taking the hits. He was too frail to try and defend himself, so he didn’t.

“P-Please..” The boy weakly begged, fresh blood oozing down his face.

He wanted to cry, but he didn’t want to give his father the satisfaction.

“Next time you think about telling me what to do, don’t.” With one last harsh kick to his stomach, his father left him alone on the kitchen floor, bleeding and shaking.

Taehyung’s gaze was empty, dull.. lifeless. Every emotion was drained.

A tear rolled down the side of his eye, and he didn’t bother wiping it away.

His father was gone, he could cry. It was okay.

Minutes later, Taehyung dozed off to sleep, too weak to bandage his wounds.

Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Jungkook had a completely different night compared to Taehyung, spending it giddy, replaying the events of their entire day at least a thousand times before he managed to actually fall asleep.

He really wished that he could have fallen asleep with Taehyung, and this time wake up next to him as well. Hopefully that would be a reality soon enough.

#Fic: Love maze #Taekook fic #Taekook series #Taekook school au #Taehyung x Jungkook #Taekook fluff #sombreboy

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itsdearsuga · 4 years ago

Text

Grief: The Story of My First Major Loss.

Growing up, I only went to 2 funerals until I reached my 20’s.

My Grandfather, who was barely present in our lives. He was a man with his own set of issues, and we always had to stay in the car when we visited him those 3-4 times.

Then my late Pastor from Mowing Glade A.M.E Zion, who had mysterious health issues and eventually left us once the plug was pulled at a local hospital in Charlotte, where I once lived.

I was barely a 4th grader when both of these deaths occured in my life.

I always saw death as a catalyst for sympathy. I never truly understood it, I just knew it was a huge deal. If someone died in a person's life, I expected them to be out of school for like a month and for them to cry every 5 minutes. I just knew death to be this sad thing that was inevitable in people's experiences.

That was, until Granny’s diagnosis.

She was an avid snuff user, and growing up there was always a can of that black tar like substance that she spit out by the fireplace. I knew she spit in there but we always stayed as far away from that cursed can as possible. One day my cousin, sister and I knocked it over, and I honestly thought I was going to pass away my damn self. She used that stuff for over 50 years, some say since she was 8, and once I was in college, we received news that she had an extremely aggressive form of mouth cancer. When you’re a certified pessimist like myself from time to time, you’d probably hear the word cancer and think of the worse. But for me at that moment, it was a little different. I tried to muster up all the hope in the world for my grandmother. She cared for me and all of my cousins, she was my coffee buddy every sunday after church, I always made her laugh and we always sat on those rocking chairs on the porch, listening to the soft windchimes that clanged melodically in the countryside breeze, or played checkers in the cracker barrel before we were seated to go eat… I remembered every bit of love and hope she gave me, and in that moment of hearing that news, I tried to return it all back to her. In all the things she handled in her years, it couldn’t be the snuff of all things that took her off this world. She held our family together, but unfortunately, the more sick she became, the more tensions rose amongst my loved ones. I never was the type that liked to talk in my family. It was a Hi then Bye kind of vibe when I walked in the room. Someone could look at my sketchbook, say I’m going to be the next picasso or something with an uncomfortable amount of enthusiasm and then keep it moving, It’s whatever. I only held long conversations with a select few in my family, but I typically kept to myself with a straight face. That’s where Granny came in with my nickname when I was kid. She called me “Suga” because of the irony of me being anything but. I hated that nickname for a long time, I thought it was to tease me, but she only called me that until, well, she passed. Her sickness was a long, grueling time in my life and my family’s lives. They fought over who took care of her, my aunts and cousins, and all I could do is watch the drama ensue or hear it over the phone from a distraught cousin all the way from Maryland. In the spring of 2018, our lives changed forever.

“Her tumor keeps coming back, they’re going to have to remove and replace the jaw.” These were the words I was told about the fate of my grandmother in the next coming weeks. This was also after she had ridiculous amounts of treatment. The granny I once knew as being a sturdy weight, eating alongside us , full of laughter and life, grew frail. She was always holding her jaw and groaning. She could barely say much without it causing her pain. It hurt like hell to see. I took time off of school and headed back to Charlotte for a little while, promising to handle my homework while I was gone. I barely slept that week. The hospital waiting room was full of loved ones during the operation, and I’ll never forget the moment before she was wheeled back. I was the last to see her, and that was the last time I heard Suga for quite awhile. Nonetheless, we played card games, visited the panera downstairs and anxiously sat and waited. Eventually, the surgery was over, and we went home while she was in recovery. Once back at the house, I only heard horror stories. One aunt said she looked like Emmett Till post surgery. I sat and listened to the hushed voices of all of my aunts as they talked about how she looked, but my mother hadn't seen her just yet. We were both worried and that was the first time I saw her cry. I could only hold her and try my best to reassure her that it can’t be that bad, but we had our own issues on top of this with our living situation, that would definitely be another blog post for another day. I stayed in my grandparents bedroom, anxiously doing my homework and talking on the phone to stay up and sane, drinking energy beverages and taking smoke breaks all night. It was hard, and I couldn’t sleep thinking about the major changes to a face that was so familiar to me. We eventually made our way to the hospital. When we arrived, I was definitely surprised. Her face was extremely swollen, and it looked as though her entire face was fused under the nose. I said nothing and when I walked in, my mother gave me a certain look as though it wasn't necessary to stay. I stayed. For days. If I wasn't by her bedside trying to teach her little signs in ASL that’d she’d eventually say whatever to and not use at all, or talking to her about how much of a pain in my the ass my classes were, I was in the lobby of the hospital, typing my essays tirelessly and staying sleep deprived. Eventually we went back to MD, and I only saw her from time to time when we went back home those few times. She didn't talk for more than 6 months, and phone calls were difficult, but when she got the ball rolling, she called my mom everyday and I eventually heard my nickname all over again. I was hopeful, until around valentines day of this year. I was working on a painting for her. One morning, she got really sick, with something like the flu, and the chemo and treatments were already too much for her immune system. I was at school that day, bitching about my work and getting annoyed at my dad's numerous text messages asking me where I was. My mom was in Greensboro for work at the time. I eventually came home and my dad told me to sit down.

Now at this point, I did experience my fair share of death, but nothing too close to me where I was broken. Nothing, besides Kaya maybe , but that loss broke me in regards to my place of empathy. And that story is another one in it’s own right. But I was truly oblivious to why my dad would need me to sit down so urgently. I guess a part of me was in a place mentally where I promised to see her again, and something in my psyche was reassuring myself that she wouldn't go anywhere until I could make that happen. Another part of me was too scared to hear what he had to say. Sure enough, I heard the worst. She was gone, and in that one moment, my entire world fell apart.

The drive after was the worst part.

I thought about the blackberry picking we did if we wanted a pie,

I thought about the times she took my scrap drawings and framed them, telling me that even the worst ones to me were everything to her.

I remember all the times I would hear my Nickname.

And everytime I heard it in my head, I was shattered all over again.

This was 6 months ago.

Now, I think I’m beginning to understand grief a little better. It feels like a never ending one way street, With an occasional traffic circle that doesn't tell you where the exits are going to take you.

Some exits take you on a beautiful scenic route, where you feel a little more comfortable to reminisce on the better days with that person, and some exits are rainy and disgusting. No matter how fast the windshields are going, you still can't see the road ahead even with the high beams on, and on top of that, you’re getting motion sickness, and it’s fucking brutal.

Grief is never a straight shot. It feels like one for a while, but the roundabouts are unexpected. Sometimes they show up after around a half a mile, and other times, they don't show up for about 7 or 8 miles.

Either way, they’re a journey that almost everyone takes, and it's okay if there's trouble on the trip because we’re human.

Love Always, Suga.

#Grief #Journal #Lifestyle #Blog

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gayninjabadass · 8 years ago

Text

“Anyone with eyes...”

Here it is guys the moment we have all been waiting for thank you so much @irenedrew your pictures turned out so so beautiful and I’m so excited to be able to SEE my story alive like that. Collaborating has made this extra fun and I hope everyone who reads this story and sees your art is as excited as I am!

This story is for the prompt

"I really want to see the Captain of the Desus ship, Rick, get fed up with the non-movement of the sip and call all hands on deck to get it sailing."

Ill include an AO3 link if that’s your preferred format otherwise read more!

http://archiveofourown.org/works/10849887

Please do not repost, link to another site, or remove water marks from Irenedrew’s work without her consent!!!

Wednesday:

4:30 pm,

Rick’s house.

Rick stood against the mantel of his Alexandrian home with his arms folded. The core of his group, his family, was beginning to disperse after wrapping up their regular Wednesday meeting before dinner. As Daryl crosses the room in front of him Rick watches the way Jesus eyes trail after Daryl. He sits in his place beside Maggie on the couch appearing to manage listening to her at the same time as he tracks Daryl. His eyes land on Rick briefly before darting back to Maggie no doubt he feels the steely blue gaze that still lingers on him. Rick wasn't worried about starring He wants Jesus to know he is looking at him. He needs Jesus to linger after the meeting so he can talk to him and Rick is pretty sure that Jesus will get the message.

Rick had been watching this now for months. He saw the lingering looks Daryl gave Jesus when Jesus was too preoccupied to notice. He saw the way Jesus looked at Daryl all the time, seeming to enjoy the flustered response Daryl gave him or otherwise unconcerned when Daryl didn't notice. Rick had hoped if he just left things alone Daryl would come around in his own time but something Daryl had said to him recently was still bouncing around in his head and it became obvious Daryl was going to need a bit of a push.

Monday:Earlier that week.

Noon,

Rick’s house.

After getting back from a run to find clothes for the ever growing population of children, Daryl stops in Rick's kitchen to drink a glass of water. He leans heavily on the light pink marble counter, tipping his head back and gulping down two full glasses allowing driblets of water to escape the sides of his mouth before slowing down to take smaller sips of the third glass. Rick approaches him cautiously. He had been meaning to talk to Daryl this entire run. It was the reason he had suggested they go together in the first place. He hadn't been going on runs as often since the war ended, his efforts were needed elsewhere, besides Jesus, Daryl, Aaron and Tara were always willing to go. Rick sighs and looks hard at Daryl, accepting that it was now or never. Daryl beats him to it.

“What cha got on yer mind?”

Daryls low rumbling voice doesn't sound hesitant like it did when he first got back from the sanctuary. He had never talked much in the first place but after being held captive he said even less and what he did say sounded empty and lifeless. It still sent relief flooding through Ricks body everytime he heard Daryl sounding like his old self. Losing Glenn has been hard but feeling like he had lost Daryl while he stood right infront of him might have been just as painful. Jesus had rescued Daryl, a debt Rick will never be able to repay and that was when Daryl and Jesus first started spending a lot of time together. Somehow they are always within spitting distance of each other, when looking for one you could just find the other. Over those months Rick saw how Jesus slowly managed to get a smirk from Daryl, a huff of air that might be Daryl's laugh, a playful shove or a lazy swat of the hand that Jesus had no trouble dodging. Rick has never seen anyone reach Daryl as quickly as Jesus. He is certain that his brother has feelings for the bearded scout. He thinks now might be a good time for one of his signature Rick speeches. They almost always work on Daryl.

“I was thinkin’ ...”

Rick drops his gaze before rolling his eyes back up and giving Daryl a quirked eyebrow.

“You and Jesus seem to be gettin’ pretty close.”

Daryls shoulders tensed and he lets his hair drop over his eyes while he lifts a thumbnail to nibble on.

“So what?”

Drayls grunt comes out even more mumbled around the nail caught between his teeth and Rick sighs placing his hands on his hips. At least Daryl wasn't denying anything yet. Before Rick can finish sucking in a breath Daryl cuts him off.

“No. nuh-uh.”

“What?”

Rick asks sheepishly.

“Yer gonna do the speech thing. Ya got yer hip cocked an everything’”

Daryl walks around the kitchen island making a B-line for the front porch but Rick jumps in front of the doorway just before Daryl can pass through it. Their chests bump and Daryl takes two long steps back before pacing back and forth reminding Rick of Ezekiel's tiger Shiva.

“Just listen alright?”

Daryl snorts sending some of the wispy hairs on his face fluttering.

“Ya aint givin’ me much choice are ya?”

Rick grins devilishly.

“Exactly. I just want you to know that yer ma brother and I want to see ya happy. And you do seem happy around ‘im. No One here would judge you. Life ain't just waiting fer the next war Daryl. The next Governor, the next Grady, the next Negan. That's what you do. You wait, you help us move on but yer always the first one ready when the fight breaks out ‘cause you never stop. The war is over. Negan is locked up. We’ve got trade deals with four different communities. This is the new world we are building. You can relax.”

Daryl who has been pacing this entire speech whirls around on Rick. Leaning into his space. He doesn't raise his voice. Daryl never raises his voice anymore. Now where he once would have shouted he speaks in a low harrowing tone that sends ice down your spine.

“Relax? I ain't gonna Relax. At the Prison we let shit settle and then we watched Hershel's head roll off his shoulders. Out with Beth we relaxed, sang some damn songs, tried to feed a dog then she got took. Relaxin’ is how people die. ‘Sides it ain't like that. Jesus he don't, we ain't”

Daryl trails off shifting uncomfortably in front of Rick before shoving his finger back between his teeth. Rick understood now what was holding Daryl back. All the people alive today can relate to that. The fear of letting people in, of being really happy, knowing that at any moment the rug could get pulled from under you.

“Daryl, what will you regret more? Never tryin’ or gettin’ what ya want and losing it? Yer alive. Yer still here. Ya still get to try. What would Hershel say? What about Beth? Don't ya think they would want you to be happy?”

Rick knows it's a low blow using the dead against him like that but he needs to make Daryl understand. He needs to reach him. He tries to do it with just his gaze now as he waits for a response. Daryl stares at Rick just shaking his head once as an answer. Rick lets out a long sigh again, squeezing the bridge of his nose. Maybe talking to Daryl first wasn't the right choice after all, it was only making him certain that he wasn't done being involved, and Daryl was going to shut him out. Its best to communicate to Daryl in your actions whenever possible. On top of that this time his speech was too unfocused. Rick had to go and try to talk it out with him but he isn't saying the right thing. He is getting frustrated.

“Look. I won't make ya do anythin’ but anyone with eyes can see you have feelings for the man. You don't just cozy up to new people everyday. ‘specially not people who steal from ya the first time you meet. Didn't you try to kill Dwight at least 3 times?“

“Was different”

Daryls grunt only serve to make Rick roll his eyes.

“Yeah ‘cause Dwight don’t have that pretty hair am I right?”

Daryls posture goes Rigid and his face flushes red.

“I dunno the fuck yer on abou’”

Rick isn't trying to push Daryl he just can't believe how oblivious he seems to be. He has a sharp eye, can read people in a second, he is bright even though Daryl would never agree with Rick about that.

“Oh come on Daryl. He looks at you the same way you look at him. Ya must have noticed that by now.”

Daryl is vibrating with energy his fists balled at his sides.

“He can do better.”

He checks his shoulder into RIck pushing him back just enough for him to slip through the doorway and out the front of the house before Rick regains his balance. Rick drops his head and rests his hands on his hips looking at the door swinging closed. That had not gone as well as he’d hoped.

Wednesday:

5:00 pm

Rick’s house

It is just Maggie, Jesus and Rick in the room now. Maggie is talking with her hands mapping out whatever she is describing and Jesus follows with his eyebrows pulled together in concentration. Rick hesitates interrupting them. Maggie had taken on a lot of responsibility at Hilltop and making the trip every Wednesday to be in this meeting must get in the way of her other responsibilities since she always seemed to be working something out when she came.

Ultimately Rick decides to approach the pair. Jesus, Maggie and this time Daryl will all be heading back to Hilltop at sundown. Night travel had recently been reintroduced after the war had ended and the Walker population thinned. Daryl had stuck around Alexandria after last weeks meeting, Aaron and Eric had convinced him to visit for longer by using Judith, they knew Daryl had a soft spot for her and they kindly pointed out that she missed him now that he lived at Hilltop. With dinner about to start this might be the last chance Rick has to talk to Jesus before he and Daryl are out of reach for a week.

Rick comes to a stop standing by the sitting pair drawing Jesus’s attention first. He gives Rick a meek smile folding his hands delicately across his lap a gesture Rick recognizes as his “Jesus” persona now. He slips it on when he is unsure or being cautious about a situation, it would seem like a tell, except that once the persona was up you had no idea who he was. You couldn't tell what he was thinking or predict what he would do. That's what gets Maggie's attention. The shift in Jesus. She glances up and gives Rick a warm smile when she recognizes him.

“This was a great meeting Rick, I think the water irrigation is gonna make a big difference in the crop yield, thankyou for sending those materials back with us.”

“What's good for the Hilltop is good for Alexandria”

Rick locks eyes with Maggie and they communicate much more than they say. She's family and with his family Rick doesn't have to say much. Rick clears his throat and shifts onto his other leg.

“I was actually hopin’ I could have a moment with Jesus if you could spare ‘im.”

Rick notices the way Jesus eyes flick between them as they talk. Jesus is observant but Rick would bet that Jesus has no idea what Rick wants to talk to him about. Jesus steps forward and places a hand lightly on Maggie's shoulder. His hair brushes the shoulders of his green sweater as he does.

“Go on to dinner I’ll catch up with you.”

Maggie gives him a closed lip smile and squeezes his shoulder in return before nodding at Rick and heading out the front door. Rick turns to Jesus and finds two large inquisitive eyes patiently trained on him. His voice is smooth and reassuring something Rick doesn't have but has made due without. Rick thinks Jesus knows he could lead if he only wanted to. Tucking his hair behind his right ear Jesus cocks his head and addresses Rick directly for the first time.

“How can I help you Rick?”

Rick hasn't exactly panned what he will say. So he just starts the same way he did with Daryl.

“So you and Daryl have been gettin’ pretty close.”

The tips of Jesus ears turn pink and in a fleeting flash he pulls his hair over them looking at the ground before his calm Jesus air resettles around him and he looks at Rick again. It was so quick it could have slipped by if he hadn't come to know Jesus better.

“We have.”

“Daryl is ma brother. When Negan took him ….”

Rick swallows a lump in his throat before continuing.

“I wasn't right then. I couldn't help ‘im. I shoulda been the one ta go get ‘im, been a better brother than his real one ever was, I didn't though. You did. Thank You for gettin’ him back. Not just from the sanctuary, but after. Bringin’ him back to himself.”

Jesus’s mouth is hanging open slightly his already large eyes wide open. He looks at Rick completely speechless a pinkness creeping across his cheeks. He maintains a casual air nonetheless.

“ I- I was just there, in the right place at the right time.“

“No, you made a choice.”

The two men stare at each other silently for a long moment before Jesus starts to shift glancing at the room around him probably mapping out his exits for the 100th time.

“Daryls a good man.”

Rick brings Jesus’s attention back to him. He continues.

“He doesn't think it but he is. One a the best men I’ve ever known. I’ve leaned on him as often as Michonne and for longer. If he were ta get hurt, If anyone at all was ta hurt him I would be very angry. I can be unreasonable when I’m angry. Rash. ”

Jesus narrows his eyes at Rick folding his arms against his chest and straightening his spine. He is a small man, at least a few inches shorter than Rick, but he knows better than to underestimate Jesus.

“Are you giving me the shovel talk Rick?”

Jesus voice is still soft but there is a steal in his eyes that suggests he isn't thrilled about being threatened, there is something else there too, something like amusement. Rick hadn't intended for the conversation to go this way. He meant to encourage Jesus. He was trying to push these two idiots together but somehow it had turned into a protective dad speech. Rick pinches the bridge of his nose reminded of his attempt at talking to Daryl. He just wants to grab them by their shoulders and shake them.

“Anyone with eyes can see there's something going on.”

Rick tries to turn it around assure Jesus he noticed the chemistry but as he watches Jesus’s eyes narrow he knows he did not succeeded.

“You have nothing to worry about Rick. Daryl is straight.”

Rick snorts.

“As a hula hoop.”

Jesus smirks a twinkle in his eyes now.

“You sound pretty sure of that.”

Rick nods his head yes looking at the ground before it dawns on him that he is feeding Jesus answers. He looks back up quickly to see the end of Jesus coat tail pass out the front door. Rick stands there staring after Jesus completely blindsided.

Sunday: Where it began.

7:00 pm

Aaron and Eric’s house

Rick had suspicions about Daryl's sexuality for a while now. It had never seemed important enough to ask about so he hadn’t. That was fine, it worked. That is until Jesus came along. Now Rick is dying to know if he's losing his mind or his brothers perfect match has just shown up. To Rick it's the most obvious thing he's ever seen and he can't understand why no one else is talking about it. After Daryl quickly befriended Aaron, Eric, and Denise while refusing to interact with anyone else from Alexandria's original residents Rick had shrugged and said it was just a coincidence. Now, with Jesus around and Daryl actually showering regularly he finally decides to ask. Not Daryl of course. That would have never gone over well. Rick talks to Aaron, asks him if Daryl had mentioned anything about it, if all he learns is that Daryl has been confiding in Aaron it might tell him all he needs to know. If Daryl is going to get relationship advice from somebody Rick thinks it would be Aaron. Aaron of course told him that if Daryl had said anything he wouldn't be at liberty to say. Eric who is sitting on the couch reading and listening, chimes in very casually.

“ But he sure does love making goo goo eyes at that Jesus.”

“Eric!”

Aaron tosses a sandal at Eric saying his name disapprovingly.

“It’s just an observation sweety. Not a violation of his trust. Unless you're suggesting he talks about Jesus.“

“Eric! I swear to god I’ll never rub your feet again.”

Eric rolls his eyes and turns back to his magazine mumbling under his breath as he does.

“I’m sorry I have eyes.”

Rick snorts before pushing off the wall he was leaning on and heading towards the door. So it isn't just him. Other people can see there is something there between the scout and the archer.

“Well I think I have my answer.”

Aaron looks visibly worried as Rick starts backing away.

“Don't say anything to him Rick. You know how closed off he is. If he doesn't tell you himself and you know it's gonna freak him out.”

Rick nods thoughtfully reaching the threshold of the house.

“Well like Eric said, I have eyes.”

Wednesday:

5:15 pm

Rick’s house.

Coming out of his thoughts Rick realizes he needs to talk to Aaron and Eric again. He is in over his head and has struck out talking to both Jesus and Daryl. He decides to find time before next week's meeting to talk to the men. The trouble is Rick just did exactly what Aaron told him not to do.

Wednesday: One week later.

2:00 pm

Aaron and Eric’s house

Rick doesn't find time until a few hours before Jesus, Maggie, and Daryl are expected to arrive. He knocks on the frame of Aaron and Eric’s open door before he enters, like usual he finds Eric reading and Aaron tinkering with something mechanical on the table. They both look up as he enters.

“Rick, to what do we owe the pleasure?”

Aaron stands up going to the sink to wash his hands. Hospitality is a strength Aaron and Eric share, which is exactly what Rick kept reminding himself as he avoided this all week.

“I need yer advice.”

Rick waits one hip cocked standing between the two partners as they exchange a look. Eric looks excited Aaron looks nervous.

“About what?”

Eric asks this time. Rick takes a deep breath.

“I talked ta Jesus n’ Daryl.”

Eric drops his book and stands immediately. Aaron turns the sink off staring hard at Rick.

“You what?”

“Rick No!”

Rick scratches at his beard tossing his head to the side remembering the conversations from last week.

“Yeah, I did.”

Aaron makes a displeased groan but Eric steps around the coach too invested to stay so far away.

“Okay, well there's no going back now. So what happened?”

Erics eager eyes roam Rick's face hopefully.

“Ah, well Daryl said there ain't nothin’ goin’ on and that relaxin’ is how people die. Worst was he said Jesus could do better. Jesus… well..”

Rick trails off unsure how to describe the conversation he had with Jesus. Eric is hanging on the edge of his seat waiting for Rick to continue. Aaron is approaching slowly drying his hands on a towel with a pinched expression on his face. Rick pushes air out through his nose before the words sort of tumble free.

“First I thanked ‘im for gettin’ Daryl back... Then I threatened ta hurt him if he hurt Daryl, then he said not to worry ‘cause Daryl was straight and I kind a said he ain’t.”

“Rick!”

Aarons face is horror struck and Eric has a hand cupped over his mouth and nose the other on his hip. They both speak at the same time. Eric saying

“You threatened him?”

Was lost under Aaron saying

“You told Jesus, Daryl isn't straight? Rick why would you do that?”

“I didn't mean to, I didn't realize he didn't already know ‘till after I said it. Then he was just gone. He Ninja’d outta the room ‘fore I even figured out what was happenin’.”

Rick watches Aaron walk over to the couch rubbing his face with his hands before gingerly sitting down.

“Daryl is never going to trust me again.”

Rick feels a pang of guilt hearing that. Eric swoops in quickly standing in front of Aaron and pulling his head against his stomach.

“Oh hush, if we can get that bone head to stop ignoring his feelings he might even thank you and it's not Rick's fault, Jesus is a slippery one.”

Eric looks up and over to Rick.

“Take them on a run. Daryl gets claustrophobic behind walls. If you're gonna get through to them it's gonna be out there.”

Rick nods his head. That is a great idea if he had them both together and alone they would have no choice but to deal with each other. There would be nowhere for Daryl to run off to. Rick did know that Daryl likes to venture outside the walls to think things over but it hadn't occurred to him to take him out there for this; it might be easier on him. It is a good observation Rick knew talking to Aaron and Eric would help. Other than Rick, Aaron and Eric saw Daryl the most they knew him almost as well as Rick did. In some ways better even. A shout from the gates gets all of their attention.

“Rick Grimes!”

Rick darts out the door into the bright mid afternoon sun shielding his eyes when he hears Maggie call for him but as soon as he makes it into the street and sees the pregnant woman marching towards him he freezes. She looks furious. Michonne who must have opened the gate is chuckling with Rosita when Rick stops dead in his tracks. She slides the gate back into place but Rick couldn't keep watching because Maggie was right in front of him now. At least he knows this isn't a life threatening issue since Michonne is laughing.

“Maggie, it's good to see you.”

Rick tries to sound casual but Maggie still looks furious as she grabs him by the bicep and tugs him towards his home two houses down.

“We have to talk. Now!”

Once inside Maggie closes the door and turns on Rick with fire in her eyes and wild hair.

“What did you do?”

She demands without giving any context. Rick twists in his posture before stammering a response.

“What? I? I dunno Mag’s what did I do?”

“You did somethin’! You ask to talk to Jesus last week and since then I haven't been able to get him and Daryl in a room together without them fightin’ or one of them running off. It took me months of pairing them up to get them where they were and now you went n’ ruined it all. Jesus says you gave him the shovel talk? You can't be serious Rick. You gave Jesus the shovel talk.”

Rick sighs frustration mounting. Why had he gotten himself involved in this. He had just wanted to see Daryl happy and now he was buried in a mess and feeling the wrath of Aaron and Maggie. He had not been as close to Daryl as those two over the past months and he was starting to realize what a disadvantage that had become.

“I just wanted ta help! They have been pining after each other like a couple a dumbasses and I just thought if I talked to ‘em they might actually do somethin’ “bout it. I wasn't even tryin’ ta give him the shovel talk it just happened.”

Maggie scoffs and throws her hands up.

“It just happened? You didn't think about talkin’ to me before sendin’ me back with a couple of oversized children? They have been bickerin’ and avoidin’ each other ever since then. I know you didn't just talk to Jesus, what did you say to Daryl. He won't tell me and I can't fix this if I don't know.”

Rick really is desperate for some help. He hadn't meant to make such a mess of this.

“I told Daryl it was okay to relax. Told ‘im we all just want him ta be happy.”

Maggies temper seems to be fizzling out.

“Is that what you said to him? What did he say? Why is he so upset, I’ve said things like that to him before and he ain't never acted like this petulant child.”

“He said Relaxin’ gets people killed. I told him anyone with eyes can see he's got feelings for..”

Maggies screech cuts Rick off before he can continue.

“You What?! Rick! You did not tell him that. No wonder he is avoidin’ Jesus. Anyone with eyes? Are you serious, what is going to make a closet case like Daryl freak out more than thinkin’ he's that obvious?”

Rick hadn't even thought about it that way. He remembered Eric saying he had eyes to Aaron and hadn't considered what it would sound like to someone as shy as Daryl. Suddenly Aarons scolding made more sense. Eric called it like he saw it but Eric getting away with that is different. It's just him. Rick pinches the bridge of his nose.

“ Eric said it. I repeated it. I didn't think.. Shit Maggie. “

“Shit is right. Just because Eric can say it don't mean you can. You and Daryl are really close Rick but your relationship don't work like theirs. You could really hurt Daryl if yer not careful ‘bout how you say stuff like that. He gives a shit what you think of him. I’ve worked hard to get those two bone heads together and you just undid months of work. I could strangle you. Jesus was miserable all week. Daryl wouldn't even look at ‘im for the first 3 days.”

This is starting to feel like Highschool all over again. Rick has gotten himself in way over his head.

“I’ll fix it! Okay? I was gonna try and take ‘em both on a run. Get ‘em outta here and get ‘em ta talk.”

“ No way! You've done enough damage Rick.”

“Look I won't say nothin’ ‘bout them being obvious. I’ll just get ‘em somewhere so that they’ll be stuck talkin’ to each other. They will have ta sort it out. “

Maggie chews on her lip still glaring at Rick with her arms crossed resting on her baby bump.

“And what about you, what will you do?”

“I don't know. I’ll figure it out. “

Maggie studies Rick hard for a long moment and Rick holds his breath.

“Fine but if they come back and you ain't got them on good terms I'm gettin’ Michonne to kick your ass for me. I'd do it myself if I wasn't pregnant.”

Later that evening after the meeting wraps up and people are beginning to stand once again Rick locks eyes with Maggie. Operation:Leather boyfriends is set to go. That was a name Maggie had already come up with for her plan before Rick stumbled right into the middle of it and he thought it was fitting, if not a bit on the nose. Maggie nods to Rick once before quickly grabbing Jesus’s attention and stopping him from following Sasha out. Rick quickly scans the room finding Daryl already nearing the door on his way out. His heart jumps knowing he needs to keep his part of the plan running smoothly and prevent Daryl from running off.

“Wait up! Daryl.”

Rick calls out taking a few light jogging steps towards the fleeing figure ahead of him. Daryl pauses scuffing a shoe before turning to face Rick. He nods his head towards Rick in acknowledgment his eyes darting to where Jesus is further in the room over Rick’s shoulder. Rick almost smirks but catches himself.

“I'm going on a run tomorrow morning. Gonna be a day's travel there and a day back, camping out for a night. Thought you might like to get out for a bit.”

Daryls shoulders relax while he thinks on it chewing on his lip for a long contemplative moment before he nods at Rick again.

“Yeah sounds good. You talk to Maggie?”

This was going exactly how Rick hoped it would. He is having trouble keeping from acting over excited. This needs to be discussed as a run like any other or else Daryl will run for the hills.

“Yeah I talked to her first. She's headin’ back in the morning, we need ta go that way so we will stop off at Hilltop n’ head out from there.”

Daryl nods again fidgeting with his bandana and stepping to leave.

“A’ight.”

Daryl slinks off towards dinner and Rick finally lets his smile break through. Maggie is a devious woman and her plan to get them on this trip is going to work. Rick is filled with nervous excitement. He has no way of knowing how exactly this will play out but he has a good feeling about this plan. Rick looks back and sees Maggie is glancing his way every few moments. He quickly makes his way over to them giving them a closed lip smile and starting phase two.

“Jesus good ta see ya, Mags”

Rick nods at both of them. Jesus has a suspicious squint to his eye as he looks at Rick.

“Rick”

A name is all he offers as a greeting. Maggie smiles big and warm grabbing them both by the shoulder.

“Well boys, the baby is gonna crack my ribs if I don't get ‘im fed soon. He's kickin’ up a bigger fuss than a cornered pig.”

Jesus lets out a breathy chuckle at Maggie's words and looks fondly after her as she exits. His eyes lazily flick over to Rick, his face expectant. His hair is tied up at the crown of his head a few pieces having fallen loose at some point. Rick tries for a moment to see Jesus through Daryl's eyes. He is a very pretty guy with sharp features and bright eyes, Rick thinks, as far as men go, Jesus is good looking. He takes a deep breath. This is going to be harder than talking to Daryl. Rick just didn't mention Jesus would be coming along knowing that Daryl wouldn't ask questions but that would never work on Jesus. Rick has no choice but to shoot from the hip just invite Jesus and see where it goes.

“Jesus, I'm goin’ on a run. Days trip out, camp for the night then head back. I could use ya on it. Yer quick, quiet, plus more eyes is always better.”

Rick watches Jesus digest his offer. He hums softly looking up at Rick through his eyelashes.

“and who else is going on this run Rick?”

There it is. The question. Rick itches at the back of his neck.

“Just me ...n’ Daryl.”

Rick smiles sheepishly at Jesus whose eyes watch him knowingly.

“and did you already talk to Daryl about it?”

Jesus makes Rick feel like a child who's missbehaved. He sighs heavily tapping the heel of his boot against the ground as he shifts his stance.

“Sort of. He's goin’.”

Jesus lets out a big breath there is a noticeable shift in his attitude, the playfulness melting away as seriousness sets in.

“Look Rick. I don't know what you're angle is but Daryl doesn't want to go on a run with me. Especially not a two day run. He hasn't talked to me in a week. “

Rick can tell Jesus knows he had been involved in why Daryl was avoiding him. Rick gives up trying to navigate this conversation. There was no use pretending he could hold his own in a game of words with Jesus, he has a way of seeing right through you while keeping his own cards close to his chest, if Rick tries to prevent that it would just drain all his energy. He knows when he is beat. So Rick just decides to lay it all out. Fold his cards.

“I'm sorry ‘bout that. Was my fault. I'm trying ta fix it. You gotta go on this run with us. The whole point a this is ta get him to deal with his feelings. I know I probably sounded like a real ass last week but I was tryin’ ta tell ya ta go for it.”

Jesus’s eye brows are pinched as he keeps his hands unnaturally still, folded palms up in front of his stomach. Rick thinks he may never have had a more personal conversation with Jesus. Most of their interactions had been preparing for the war against Negan and the Saviors.

“With all due respect Rick, you can't make Daryl want to date me. As flattered as I am that you think I would be good for him, knowing how important Daryl is to you, it won’t change how he feels. You can't fix that.”

Jesus has his arms crossed and his eyes look vulnerable. He is obviously feeling exposed by this conversation but he isn't telling Rick to leave and so Rick takes that as permission to continue. Rick takes a step closer feeling like this was to private to be said at full volume.

“ Paul, Daryl cares about ya. I know it. Because I know him. He's just scared of bein’ happy he has more reason than most a us for that. The other day I talked to him ‘fore I talked to you, he said you could do better. He's got it in his head that yer too good for ‘im.”

Jesus’s arms fall loosely for a moment before he pulls his hair out of its bun shaking it loose and running a hand through it. He rubs at his face making a few attempts at speaking before finding the words.

“That's a lot to take in. Rick. I don't know what you think is going to happen. Even if you're right and he thinks of me that way if he doesn't want to let me in it doesn't matter. I won't make him talk to me.”

Rick nods his head thinking it out.

“Sometimes, Daryl needs a little push. I know you ain't known him that long yet but he would still be sleepin’ in a tent a football field away from the rest of us if it weren't for Carol goin’ out n’ pushing him to open up. Hes stubborn as all hell and He dont make the first move in anythin’ but a fight. This will work. If we go out in the woods we start a fire and I wander off. Maybe I go ta sleep or go get firewood but I'll make sure you get a chance to just try and talk to ‘im. Out there where he's more comfortable and got nowhere to hide. All the time I’ve known him there ain't been no one I could see him happy with ‘cept you. ”

Rick watches Jesus hopefully. He looks reluctant to accept but as time stretches Rick starts thinking more certainly that the answer will be yes. Jesus eyes him again hesitantly this time from behind his hair with that same pull between his eyebrows.

“Rick you've never even asked how I feel about him.”

Jesus points out, his voice soft . It's obviously a weak attempt at avoiding this impending confrontation on their run tomorrow. Rick chuckles. He remembers telling Maggie he wouldn't talk about how obvious these two are and stops himself before it slips out again. Instead he says.

“Well Jesus, how do you feel about ‘im?”

Jesus’s face twists and a pained sound passes his lips. He pulls his arms back across his chest shaking his head back and forth and giving a barely audible answer.

“I don't know.”

Jesus has his eyes trained on the floor so Rick steps forward gripping his shoulder and peering down into his line of sight.

“Hey. The two a ya were on Negan's personal hit list. Doesn't the fact that ya both made it through the war say something? You aren't done yet. Neither of you. You still get time.”

Jesus smirks now following that with a wispy half hearted chuckle, he looks up at Rick with a slight wetness to his eyes. Rick isn't sure so he asks.

“What's funny?”

“Something I said to Sasha, it's a long life; and then it isn't.”

“Exactly!”

Rick feels that hope from before returning and then Jesus and him are both smiling and Jesus shoves Rick's hand off his shoulder.

“Alright alright. I'll go but I want it on record that I thought tricking Daryl was a bad idea.”

“We're not trickin’ him we are just ignorin’ his wishes.”

“You’re right that’s so much better.”

Rick chuckles before leading Jesus out towards dinner.

“Well it's for his own good.”

Thursday: Show time.

5:00 Am.

The gates of Alexandria.

Jesus sits in the back seat of the car that Rick has pulled around for their run. The car is sitting behind the gate turned off to conserve gas while last minute preparations are seen to. Maggie is talking to Daryl in hushed voices by the trunk as Rick approaches to head out.

“All set?”

Rick asks making to take the driver's seat. Daryl eyes the cars lone occupant through the back window.

“Yeah.”

Daryl seems put off and Rick isn't sure if this is just what Maggie was talking about before, Daryl being crabby all week, or if it is something else.

“Everythin’ alright?”

Maggie smiles at Rick rubbing her hands across her belly absentmindedly. The fabric of her floral blouse hangs loosely where it can't be buttoned any further over her baby bump, instead there was the stretched fabric of her tank top to cover her.

“Yeah we are just fine. I was just tellin’ Daryl here that I checked your supplies for ya and that we can head out as soon as you're ready”

Rick locks eyes with Maggie. She must have stopped Daryl from going through the trunk and noticing the extra supplies for Jesus. Rick feels a nervous twitch start in the pit off his stomach.

“Great. Let's head out.”

Rick quickly ducks into the car ready to just go and get this over with. When they arrive at Hilltop Maggie is going to hop out quickly and Rick is going to pull away before Daryl has a chance to react to Jesus’s continued presence. It wasn't guaranteed to go smoothly but Rick is hoping Daryl will take the silently brooding path rather than say anything. Daryl hesitates outside the car as he sees Maggie move to the passenger seat. When he climbs into the faded gray interior he aims to sit as close to the door as possible leaning his head into his arm against the window. Rick looks at Jesus in the rear view mirror and catches him glancing at Daryl shoving his hair behind his ears and adjusting his scouting gloves. Rick really hopes he isn't being overly optimistic about how this trip will go.

After two hours of completely silent driving Rick pull’s the Sedan up to the gates of Hilltop. It is still early in the morning since they had left just as the sun was rising. Rick squeezes Maggie's hand over the center console and she squeezes back just as Rick brings the car to a stop.

“Have a good trip boys!”

Maggie turns around and smiles big and bright at Daryl who looks startled for a moment before he gives her a nod and leans forward to bump his hand into her shoulder briefly. Maggie looks mischievously at Jesus before jumping out of the car much faster than any pregnant woman Ricks ever seen before. As soon as the car door latches closed she's pounding on the roof laughing and chanting

“Go Rick go!”

So Rick floors it into the turn heading back down the road a bit before he can turn off and start on his way for the run. He realizes as his adrenaline pumps that he is still going to be in the car with these two for a while and driving away fast isn't going to keep him from that. Rick looks up to his mirror to see Jesus has pulled his beanie down over his eyes and is leaning his head back as if he is sleeping, Daryl is glaring daggers into the back of Rick's head. Rick can feel the waves of agitation rolling off Daryl and he is sure that Jesus feigning sleep is more of a response to that than any actual fatigue. Daryl knows now that he has been set up and that Maggie was in on it. Rick takes comfort in being able to drag her down with him if Daryl gets really upset. With Daryl's angry glare still on him Rick reaches into the glove box and pulls out a CD. He figures there's no way he can make Daryl’s mood any worse and he knows that Daryl secretly likes when Rick singings along even if he says he has shit taste in music.

“No, Rick!”

“Hmm?”

Rick pretends not to hear Daryl as he slides the disc in. A country western song starts blaring through the speakers and Rick hits the steering wheel in time with the boot stomps as the twangy whisky voice comes in. Rick knows every word to this song because it's the only CD he has in this car he looks at Daryl again and starts singing along. Rick notices that Jesus’s head is turned towards the window so that his huge grin is hidden from Daryl. Rick smiles as he sings thinking he will get these two to cheer up and chill out by the end of the trip.

Rick tries a few times to start up conversation but Daryl refuses to acknowledge him at all and Jesus offers short responses that make it obvious he is only responding because he feels he has to. Rick doesn't let himself get discouraged he doesn't need anyone else to talk he can just talk to them anyway. As they were nearing the area they will be camping out in Rick decides to talk about the real reason they are on this trip instead of the random chatter he has been maintaining for a while now.

“Daryl.”

Daryl doesn't respond staring out the window like Rick isn't there. Rick cleares his throat and uses his business voice this time.

“Daryl look at me or I’ll pull this car over.”

Daryls eyes flick to Rick and back to the window before finally settling on a place just past Rick but in his general direction. Rick holds in his sigh.

“I’m sorry if I upset ya the other day.”

Daryls eyes make a panicked flick to Jesus who is sitting up and watching the both of them now much to Daryl's dismay.

“Can ya not.”

Daryls deep voice is a relief after hours of listening to his own voice.

“No we’re gonna sort this out. All of us.”

Rick locks eyes with Jesus and can't help noticing that the man looks a little pale. Rick continues speaking to both of them now.

“The two of you can't be avoiding each other. Yer our best scoutin’ team, two a our strongest fighters. You work well together.”

Rick refrains from saying what he thinks they work well as. Jesus leans his head back and for a moment Rick thinks he is going to go back to faking sleep but he leans forward again quickly folding his hands and resting his elbows on his knees. Daryl watches him from the sides of his eyes.

“Rick, you're right but I still don't know that the best way to get that is to treat us like children in time out.”

Ricks feathers are ruffled by that but he bites his tongue because Daryl snorts something like a laugh. Rick thinks if they can unite against him then at least they will be United in something. He turns down a dirt road nearly hidden by overgrowth so long after the turn. He slows the car down as it jostles on the uneven ground. The sun is beginning to set so Rick turns on the headlights to see more clearly in the dark of the wooded road.

“Well I'm sorry for that too then.”

Rick comes to a stop in a clearing. He pulls the car to the side and turns it off.

“Tomorrow morning we walk about 2 miles to a small town ta check out their clinic. It was about to open when everythin’ went ta shit. It might still be well stocked on medicines. Some that we sorely need.”

The men in the back seat just nod. There is a heaviness in the air. Anticipation not for the run but for what comes first.

“The two a you set up camp, I'll be right back.”

With that Rick gets out of the car and walks directly into the woods leaving the scout and the archer sitting in the back seat. Daryl and Jesus look to each other Daryl wearing a confused look on his face while Jesus just looks tired.

Rick circles around the clearing going through the brush until he finds what he's looking for. On the top of the hill that sits to one side of the clearing, hidden within the foliage, is Maggie with a pair of binoculars. She has two folding chairs, blankets, a basket full of snacks, and a rifle propped against her knee.

When they had made this plan Rick had chosen a long path to get here so that Maggie would have time to beat him here and set this up. When Maggie hears Rick approach she stand pulling her knife from her belt. When she sees it's Rick she puts her knife back and pats the chair next to her as she sits again. She has to lower herself slowly, the size of her belly getting in the way of her usual grace. Not nearly matching her quick escape from the car earlier today. Rick hurries over reaching to help her settle and taking the binoculars that Maggie has outstretched towards him.

“ What are they doin’?”

Rick is already trying to find them in his sights. He finds Jesus sitting on the hood of the car his Beanie having been removed at some point. He is watching Daryl fuss with a tent. Maggies voice filters in like narration while he spies on the two men in the clearing.

“Well Daryl is tryin’ to set up that tent and failin’.”

“But Daryl can set up a tent with his hands tied behind his back.”

Rick doesn't understand what could be the problem. Maggie is laughing and when Rick looks over he sees she has pulled out another pair of binoculars for herself.

“Jesus hid a few pieces of it and I think he is waitin’ for Daryl to ask for help.”

Rick is grinning, This is already turning out to be very interesting. He just wishes they could hear what they were saying so he says as much.

“ I dunno, I think watchin’ them is a bit of an invasion of privacy already.”

Rick nods. Maggie is right. He leans back into watch them.

The Campsite: Jesus and Daryl

Sundown.

Daryl growls kicking the side of the dingy, faded, red tent as it tips over again. It stirs up some dirt and dry leaves when it lands.

“Maggie said we was all set to leave, didn't mention the tent is missing pieces. Shoulda checked it myself.”

“It was all there when we left, I packed the trunk. I’m sure it's all here somewhere.”

Jesus leans back so his shoulders are resting on the car's windshield, lazily tucking his hands behind his head and gazing up at the canopy of trees. He is completely unbothered by Daryls very apparent frustration.

“It ain't hear I’m tellin’ ya.”

“Would you like some help?”

Daryl stops what he is doing and looks at Jesus the cocky grin on his face cluing Daryl in suddenly.

“You little shit. Where is it? “

Jesus laughs tossing Daryl the two pieces of the tent he had tucked in his pocket and motioning under the car where the missing pole was stashed. Daryl crouches down getting on his hands and knees to reach the pole groaning as he stands back up when his knee screams for him to take it slower. He ignores it and gets the tent constructed in less than 2 minute after.

“I dunno why you always gotta fuck wit me”

Daryl says while standing back and admiring his work. He could have done this on the first try if Jesus hadn't gone and hid shit. Jesus leans forward again more serious than before.

“I just wanted you to talk to me again. You’ve been ignoring me all week. The car ride too.”

“I aint ignoring ya.”

“Daryl.”

Jesus voice sounds unamused. Daryl shuffles before turning to the center of the camp site to build a firepit. He needs to start working on getting some light in the camp site before the sun is completely gone. He doesn't answer Jesus for a long moment so the scout hops down from the car and approaches him. As he nears, Daryl nervously spits out a change of topic.

“Where is Rick anyway, said he would be right back.”

He can feel Jesus still where he stands behind him.

“He isn't coming back. At least not for a while.”

Daryl stops what he is doing straightening his back and looking at Jesus who has his hands on his hips and a patient look on his face. He pushes the panic down.

“The fuck ya mean?”

Jesus looks a little guilty and crosses his arms over his chest a gesture that Daryl recognizes as one of Jesus nervous habits.

“I mean Rick is intentionally not here right now. He wants us to talk.”

Daryl paces around the fire pit he started constructing waving his arm roughly at Jesus when he speaks.

“You in on this? Everyone trying to trick the dumb Redneck now?”

Jesus face softens.

“No Daryl. That's not..”

“What? you expect me to believe you ain't in on this, how'd ya know Rick wasn't gonna come back? that he wants us to talk? Yall planning this shit.”

Jesus steps towards Daryl his hands up palms out. His eyes imploring Daryl to trust him. Daryl takes a couple deep breaths trying to keep his head clear. Something Jesus had been helping him do at night when he woke from his nightmares hyperventilating and sweating. Jesus watches Daryl carefully he thinks he has gotten better at calming him he thinks he has learned how to get passed Daryl's feral self defense but whenever it's put to the test he starts to doubt it.

“Daryl, I knew about the point of this trip but it wasn't my idea. I still don't even know why you’ve been avoiding me. Rick just asked me to come on this trip and he can be pretty convincing when he wants to be.”

Daryl still looks upset but he nods at the comment about Rick. He knows first hand how convincing Rick is when he wants something.

“You still went along with it.”

Daryls voice has less venom in it now. He isn't mad at Jesus. He isn't even mad at Rick though he is going to have words with him about this whole trip.

“He didn't even ask me untill after you had agreed to go. He sort of cornered me into it. I wanted to say no but...I also missed you.“

Daryl feels his face heat at Jesus words so he turns back to the fire and starts standing sticks against each other pilling dry leaves in the center between them. Jesus takes his gloves off and places them in his trench coat pocket before kneeling down and stacking loose rocks around the edges of the firewood Daryl is stacking. Jesus peeks at Daryl through the sheet of hair that's hanging over his shoulder.

“I went along with it, you're right. Do you think I shouldn't have?”

Daryls hands still before he stands up hitting his hands against his pants. He chews on his lip then squats back down and joins Jesus in stacking the Rocks around the edges. His nervous movements don't bother Jesus. He’s used to the restless ways Daryl deals with things. It's been a long silent moment and Jesus is concentrating diligently on stacking rocks. Giving it much more attention that it really requires trying to be patient while Daryl decides how to say whatever it is he wants to say. Jesus knows if he waits he will get an answer but the anticipation builds anyway the more time pases.

“I think Rick woulda got cha here anyway. Maybe knocked you out and stuffed ya in the trunk.”

Jesus laughs now nodding his head. He is relieved by the way Daryl seems to be taking this odd situation in stride.

“You're right. That man finds a way.”

It's quiet again but not awkwardly so. Daryl manages to get the fire lit so Jesus turns back to the car's trunk to pull out the camping chairs. He takes a moment just moving things around in the back of the car steeling himself for what he is about to say.

“Daryl?”

“Mm?”

“Can we talk? About whatever's got you upset with me? “

“Ain't nothin goin on.”

“So you were avoided me all week for no reason?”

“I said I wasn't avoiding ya”

“And I’m not stupid.”

When Jesus says that Daryl takes a deep breath. This was going to suck. He was not good at talking things out.

“I didn't say you was stupid.”

“I’d have to be to believe that nothing has changed and that you weren't avoiding me.”

Daryl sits in his chair pushing his forehead into his palms with his elbows on his knees. He feels something nudge his arm and when he looks Jesus is handing him a flask. They sit side by side in their folding camping chairs. Daryl’s the same ugly shade of red as the tent Jesus in a army green version with cup holders. The fire a few feet infront of them is doing a good job of keeping the chilly bite of night air tolerable. The sun has finally fallen completely and the buzzing sounds of the woods at night fills the air.

“This part a Rick’s plan too?”

He asks as he takes the Flask from Jesus and tosses back a big swig.

“Nope, this was my genius idea. Rick told me I was going to be coming on this trip and I figured I could use a little liquid courage.”

“What you need courage for, s’just us.”

Jesus ducks his head when he hears “us” he can't help how much he likes the way that sounds coming out of Daryl’s mouth.

“You always tell me you aren't good at talking about stuff. Well I’m not either. Not personal stuff at least.”

“Whats personal about this?”

Jesus sighs leaning back and taking another sip. Daryl fascinates him. His direct approach to things and his refusal to make assumptions.

“You are really gonna make me work for this aren't you?”

“I don't know what yer talking about.”

Daryl wants to keep his hands busy but he has nothing to do, no arrows to clean, no animals to skin so he just wraps and unwraps a loose thread from his jeans around his finger.

“Does that usually work? Pretending you have no idea what's going on until people give up trying to talk to you?”

Jesus doesn't mean that as a jab he is genuinely curious wanting to understand why Dary, someone who can clearly read between the lines, refuses to accept certain things no matter how many times he is told or how clear Jesus makes it. Daryl just grunts. He didn't intend to do it, turn away from things he didn't want to accept. For a long time he refused to accept that he could be Rick's right hand man. He shied away from the way people looked to him in the group as Rick's second in command he didn't mean to run from it then, it just happened but just like Carol did then Jesus picked up on it right away. He shared that quality with Carol, his ability to read people and an adaptable personality. Daryl starts to realize that he can't get out of this. Just like he never could with her. He feels a bit of sweat starting to prickle his neck. Jesus rolls his eyes handing Daryl the flask again and bringing an entire bottle of Jack Daniels out of his trench coat. Daryls eyebrows shoot up.

“Flask wasn't doin’ it for ya?”

“No, clearly it wasn't.”

Jesus temper sounds a little short but his gaze is on the flames in front of them and the only sign that he is upset is the tight way his hand grips the bottles neck.

The Lookout : Rick and Maggie

Rick and Maggie share a bowl of stale cheese popcorn as they watch the two men in the clearing set up camp together. Rick lowers his binoculars looking over at Maggie.

“The alcohol was a great idea. I didn't even think about givin’ ‘em somethin’ like that.”

Maggie scrunches up her eyebrows and shakes her head.

“That wasn't me, I thought you gave that to Jesus.”

Rick grins and laughs picking his binoculars backup and leaning forward but doesn't take his eyes off Maggie.

“That sneaky little devil calls himself Jesus but he swiped that from the pantry.”

“ I don't blame him, we basically locked him in the closet with his crush and told em they weren't comin’ out till they kissed.”

Rick has to hold his sides as he laughs. He looks fondly at Maggie who looks so much younger when she smiles. Rick thinks back to where they met on the farm it seems so long ago but it was really only a year ago or two maybe. So much can happen in that amount of time in today's world. Rick looks back to the men in the camp, he hopes that they realize that and can stop fighting a good thing.

The Campsite: Jesus and Daryl

“What did Rick say to ya, ‘bout why we was going on this trip?”

Jesus looks over at Daryl but he doesn't answer. He just sips directly from the bottle in his hand and stares.

“What?”

Dary asks his heart rate is spiking. He knows what he talked about with Rick and he was damn near crawling out of his skin then. He doesn't know how he will handle it if that's what Rick talked to Jesus about. He doesn't understand why his brother is meddling. Why he can't just let Daryl be. He wanted to explain to Rick why he isnt any good for Jesus but he wouldn't listen even if Daryl had the words and if Rick went to Jesus for the same reason Daryl is gonna strangle him.

“I don't know if I should tell you.”

Daryl stares at Jesus, blue eyes locked in a tense challenge.

“What ya mean?”

“Well I’ve asked you twice now why you have been avoiding me. You refused to answer. I don't know if I should tell you what Rick said to me. It might be the perfect bargaining chip.”

“Always gotta have an angle”

Jesus pulls his feet into his seat and tucks the bottle between his crossed legs as he turns his body to look directly at Daryl.

“If you want I’ll just go sit in the car. I’m not going to make you talk to me. I told Rick as much.”

Daryl hesitates a moment. He doesn't want Jesus to go. He had missed him too in all honesty but he also was terrified of this. He had been fine when he was just hanging out with Jesus in their trailer over the last few months telling himself he could just ignore his feelings. Shove them down so deep that they could never surface. After talking to Rick last week he couldn't get it out of his head. Rick had said anyone with eyes could see he had feelings for Jesus and suddenly he was hyper aware of everything. He could feel how often he looked at Jesus .It was like he was magnetically pulled to his side. Always wandering to stand next to him or sit beside him, like his feet were moving before the thought even registered in his mind. He could see everyone else noticing it and he felt like he had a neon sign over his head that read Gay. He had never talked about his sexuality with anyone in his family. Never needed to. Suddenly it seemed like everyone knew already and Daryl didn't know how to deal with it. Jesus is still watching him and he looks as though he is about to get up and go do exactly what he said. His nerves had been on edge as soon as he offered to go off and leave Daryl because as honest as he had been when he said it he really didn't want to do it. He moves to stand up when Daryl finally speaks

“ Dont. you can stay it's just…”

Daryl hangs his head. He is going to have to tell Jesus whats going on to find out what Rick told him. His mouth feels dry and the burn of whisky doesn't help that but it does make him feel a little more bold. This is his third shot and Daryl thinks he may have become a light weight since the days of Dixon trailer parties. Jesus waits patiently for Daryl to continue.

“Rick talked to me last week. When I stayed at Alexandria. Said I’s obvious, hanging round ya all the time. Said he thought there was something going on. I just didn't want noone getting the wrong idea.”

Jesus nods weighing his words before he says them.

“You didn't want them getting the wrong idea about what? Us? Or you?”

Jesus expression is guarded when Daryl peeks at it. Now was his chance to find out if what Rick said was really true. He had tried not to hope much and that wasn't hard considering the way Daryl had been turning tale whenever they saw each other. For Jesus the way Daryl had started leaning on him, needing his presence, was a victory. Everytime Daryl passed up a run so he could be there when Jesus returned from his, everytime Daryl found a reason to sit beside Jesus felt like an honor. Daryls heart is pounding. He can do this. He can tell Jesus , he knows Jesus won't judge him. He remembers when Aaron had figured it out, it was so much easier with Aaron Daryl isn't sure if that's because Aaron hadn’t made him say it or if it was just because he hadn't looked as pretty and vulnerable as Jesus does.

“It ain't the wrong idea bout me, just bout us.”

Daryl can't look at Jesus now. He stares at the orange and yellow flickers in front of him and picks up a stick to poke the fire just to have something to do.

“What idea do you think they were getting?”

Daryl is frustrated now. He doesn't want to come right out and say it but Jesus is trying to prod him to. He is using the same, refuse to read between the lines, tactic Daryl does but against him and Daryl really doesn't want to admit how annoying it is. Jesus already knows and Daryl thinks his amused twinkling eyes say he loves having the shoe on the other foot.

“Come on, you know. That we…. Cuz we's always together and living together… Shit I didn't want noone thinking...”

Daryl gives up, he can't find the words. He doesn't know how to say that he didn't want anyone thinking Jesus would be dumb enough to love a guy like him without insulting Jesus. Jesus sighs and sips his whisky. The light of the fire is flickering across his face making his hair glow a golden shade of brown and his eyes look as bright as they do in the sunshine. He decides to have mercy on Daryl. He does know what Daryl is hinting at, that people might think they were a couple. Something Jesus himself had considered on a few late sleep deprived nights out on runs when he missed Daryl and knew he would be waiting for him at the gate when he got back.

“Would it be the wrong idea?”

Jesus voice is small and hesitant as he looks at Daryl. Neither of them say anything. Daryl was afraid of this. He knows Jesus was giving him the same looks he gave Jesus . He wasn't dumb but he knows this would be. He knows that if Jesus just knew him better, saw who he really was he wouldn't want anything to do with him.

“You don't know me. Wouldn't be askin that if ya did.”

Jesus scoffs and grabs Daryl's flask refilling it and handing it back while he thinks.

“Daryl. I’m just going to be direct. I like you. I do. It sucked this week when you were running away from me and ignoring me. I thought I’d done something and I couldn't figure out what it was. I thought maybe I’d scared you off because I was being too obvious but then Rick talked to me after the meeting. He told me He noticed we had been getting close. He thanked me for bringing you home and then he threatened me”

Daryls head shoots up.

“He did what?”

Daryls fists ball around the arms of his chair. Jesus smirks at Daryl's protective reaction a small thrill shooting up his spine despite the logical part of his brain shouting that he really doesn't need anyone to protect him. Normally he finds that sort of thing insulting but coming from Daryl it feels much more endearing. Daryl doesn't defend people because he thinks they can't handle themselves he does it because he cares and Jesus loves being on the list of people Daryl cares about.

“It was kind of funny actually. He was just warning me not to hurt you or else I’d have to deal with him. I didn't point out that I could knock him on his ass faster than he could blink. I just let him do the big brother thing. It was cute really, he cares about you. He wants what's best for you. I do to so I get it I guess. I can't say I wouldn't do the same thing if some guy was cozying up to you. I’d want to make sure they knew not to fuck it up.”

Daryl is staring at Jesus hearing him swear wasn't necessarily uncommon but It might be a result of the alcohol because Jesus eyes do look a little glassy. Daryl hears Jesus say “Some guy” in his head again and he swallows a nervous laugh. It felt right to hear it but he hadn't ever heard it from anyone out loud before. There has never been a time in his life that another person casually accepted his sexuallity like that. It feels so strange and so good to Daryl and he takes a big gulp from the flask. Rick had talked to Jesus about the same thing he had talked to Daryl about but he finds it a little harder to hold the grudge he was harboring before. He shakes his head following the burn of the alcohol.

“Ricks gotta mind his own business.”

“Well if he did that we would be less drunk and ignoring each other so I don't really have it in me to be mad at him.”

Daryls body feels relaxes and when he looks over at Jesus he sees the man has kicked his feet out and has slouched low down into his seat looking contentedly at the flames. His whole body feels warm. Jesus decides not to mention what else Rick had told him when he sees the relaxed way Daryl is sipping his flask.

“I’m sorry.”

Daryl hears himself say the words before he decides to say anything at all. Jesus looks at him with a small smile.

“For ignoring me? Or for telling me I don't know you?”

Daryl had forgotten he had said that.

“Ignoring you, I’s right about you not known’ me. There’s a whole lot I aint never told ya.”

“Well not everything I know about you is things you’ve told me. Besides you don't know about me either. That doesn't mean you don't know me.”

Daryl swallows a lump. He feels like there is no going back.

“I wanna know ‘bout ya.”

He almost looks away but he pushes the urge away, he likes the fuzzy way Jesus smiles at him when he says it.

“How about we trade information then? Something about you for something about me.”

Daryl chews on his thumbnail. He wants to say yes but he doesn't know where to start.

“A’ight, You first.”

Jesus isnt surprised by that condition he leans forward and clears his throat.

“Alright, well I grew up in a group home. Kids came and went but I was there for about 9 years until I turned 18 and left with nothing but a backpack and 200 dollars.”

Daryl takes a moment to absorb that. He had pictured Jesus growing up in a nice suburban home with loving parents and good grades. He seems so well adjusted and tidy. Daryl decides he will just meet Jesus secrets with the same version of his.

“I grew up in backwoods Georgia. Lived in a trailer most a my life after my ma burned the house down smokin’ in bed. Lost her and everythin’ else when that happened. Cept Pa’s bike and the clothes I’s wearin’.”

Jesus scoots his chair closer to both Daryl and the fire leaning his head sideways and curling his knees up in front of him. He looks so invested and Daryl feels like he could run right out of this camp if he could just make his legs move.

“I learned martial arts after I got jumped on the street for being gay. I got the shit beat out of me so bad I had to miss school for 2 weeks. After that I didn't want to ever feel that helpless again.“

Daryl looks at the cracked leather of his boots stretched out in front of him he answers quickly before he has time to back out.

“Ma Pa used to beat the shit outta me. All the time, didn't need no reason most a the time. Merle used ta try and keep me from it till he was gone in Juvie or out the house. Then it was just me and Pa.”

“Merle?”

Jesus asks for clarification.

“He was my brother. Not like Rick, he was blood, just about all he was too. He was a nasty son of a bitch. Racist, sexist, Homophobic, Fucked with my head as much as pa.”

Jesus looks solemn for a moment. He has to remind himself that neither of those men are around for him to beat up but the desire is intense.

“Rick said something about him. Said he should have gotten you from the sanctuary so he could be a better brother to you than Merle ever was.”

Daryls heart feels heavy. Rick is already a better brother to him than Merle. He hoped Rick knew that.

“I’m glad it was you though.”

Jesus looks surprised.

“Why?”

Daryl ducks his head.

“I dunno.”

Jesus giggles, honest to god giggles and Daryl's ears turn red.

“What’s funny?”

His voice is gravely from the whisky. He's starting to feel sloppy and happy. He missed whisky by the fire. It had been a long time.

“You're just cute.”

Daryls squirms in his seat.

“Knock that off.”

Jesus smiles fondly.

The Lookout: Rick and Maggie

Rick sighs leaning back and turning towards Maggie who is looking tired. Watching the two men talk without being able to hear what's being said can get a little tedious and Maggie has driven for hours and set up a camp site all on her own while pregnant. She must be beat.

“I remember back when I was workin’ in the force I used to have ta stake out a place with Shane and he would always fall asleep ‘fore anythin’ happened.”

Maggie looks towards Rick groggily. She hadn't known that Shane, Rick's best friend. She had only met him after. She had known the Shane that was consumed with guilt and jealousy the man who turned on his partner. She smiles softly and grabs another handful of their dwindling popcorn.

“Well I can't say I ever wanted ta be like Shane before but if napping comes with the package I might change my mind.”

Rick chuckles leaning to bump his shoulder into Maggies.

“I think you’d a been a good police officer. Women sometimes had trouble workin’ the job. People didn't take em serious or somethin’, it got under more than a few people's skin they ended up doin’ somethin’ stupid tryin’ to prove they could...but it wouldn't a got to you. Same way you ended up leadin’ Hilltop I think you’d a been a sheriff in no time.”

Maggie leans towards Rick resting her head on his shoulder while she chews.

“Thankyou Rick. I forget sometimes that you used to be an officer but it's just ‘casue that's who you are. You look out for people.”

“That's who you are too.”

They smile at each other again before turning back to the less than eventful happenings in the camp.

The Campsite: Jesus and Daryl

Jesus is still looking at Daryl with a goofy grin when he starts talking.

“I think it's my turn to share something . Hmm. Um my first boyfriend was a really jerky closeted guy. The whole thing had to be kept secret and he told everyone I had raped him when they found out we were dating. I had to change schools.”

Daryl can't hide his shock.

“Seriously? “

“Honest. I haven't had a serious relationship since. I just couldn't.”

“What a coward. Throwing ya under the bus jus’ cuz he was scared a lookin’ in the mirror. Hope he didn't make it.”

Jesus bust out laughing. The way Daryl unquestioningly takes Jesus side, not even batting an eye, it sends tingles over Jesus’s skin and he finds he might be a little more drunk than he realized. He looks at Daryl for a moment seeing the way the dirt on his arms makes the curve of his muscles stand out. The frayed edges of his shirts arm hole sticking out under his leather vest. Jesus takes a big breath realizing he forgot to breath that entire time. He turns his gaze to the fire so he can gather himself.

“There's no way he made it he had a maid and a driver. He probably didn't even tie his own shoes.”

Daryl laughs now too.

“What a winner, why ya even bother with em?”

Jesus sombers up a bit.

“Well I sort of figured it was be with him or be alone forever. Didn't really turn out like I was wrong.”

Daryl doesn't know what to say. He wants to tell Jesus that isnt true but he can't make the words form it's like his tongue is too heavy. Jesus sees the gears turning in Daryl's head and they share a meaningful glance.

“Ya had it rougher than I thought. “

Jesus smirks spinning his half full bottle between his fingers. That isn't the first time he has heard that from someone. He never quite figured out why people always assumed he has it all together. To him it's obvious how much of a mess he is.

“You had it just about as rough as I’d figured. Which was much more rough than you deserved.”

The way Daryls chest expanded when Jesus spoke made him feel like he was going to burst. He felt for a brief moment like he might cry but he pushes it down. There is something so warm and comfortable about talking to Jesus that makes Daryl just wanted to curl up in it and never leave.

“I ain't nothin’.”

Daryl says it like he has said it to himself 100 times today already. He remembers hearing it everyday from his Pa, from Merle, from the cops always taling him looking for a reason to lock him up. Jesus’s voice is a welcome distraction from those thoughts.

“Rick told me something else. He told me you said I could do better. Is that true?”

Daryl squeezes his eyes closed. Silently cursing Rick again, he hands his empty flask over to Jesus who takes it but doesn't refill it, waiting for his answer. Daryl realizes Jesus thinks he won't answer, thinks he will need to keep something in his pocket to bargain with.

“Ya, cuz ya can. Could do a hell of a lot better than some middle aged, good fer nothin’ redneck, who don't know a damn thing about relationships.”

Jesus tentatively gets up leaving the flask behind and moving to stand close to the fire, he gestures for Daryl to do the same. When Daryl is stood beside him he turns standing nearly chest to chest with Daryl whose breath catches in his throat. Jesus looks powerful and the way shadows are flickering across his features only enhances it. He looks every bit like his name sake. He touches the bottle to Daryl's chest and when there hands meet on the neck Daryl thinks he might pass out.

“I need you to listen to me very carefully. You are one of the strongest people I've ever met. You're brave and smart and loyal and you have a big heart. The very first thing I noticed about you was the fierce closeness you share with your family. It amazed me and the more I was around you the more I wanted that closeness for myself. I never stayed at Hilltop long before you and Maggie showed up. I'm no good at relationships I don't know how to do this but I want to try.”

Daryl is taking small shallow breaths unable to keep himself from watching the way Jesus’s lips move while he talks. Standing so close together feels like the whole world has melted away and they are the only two things that exist. Jesus reaches up and trails a delicate touch from Daryl's hairline to under his chin. The shorter man getting a better view of Daryl’s face looking up at him. Daryls organs feel like they are shaking and he brings the bottle to his lips feeling the ghost of Jesus own on it. Every nerve in Jesus’s body is on fire. He can't remember the last time he put himself out there like this he feels like he is walking the plank. When Daryl brings the bottle away from his mouth Jesus watches his lips. He sees the way they shine with the remnants of whisky and Jesus unconsciously licks his own. Thankfully Daryl speaks up.

“‘M scarred. I never … I never nothin’ Hangin’ around ma brother and his skinhead friends I couldn't let noone know. Till It was too late.”

“It’s not too late.”

Jesus crushes the distance between them bringing his hands behind Daryl's head and burying them in his hair. Daryl closes his eyes at the contact.

“Is this okay?”

Jesus voice is just a whisper. Daryl nods his head and when he does his forehead lightly bumps into the top of Jesus head. They stand their for a moment until Daryl can feel Jesus’s breath on his face.

“Would it be okay if I kissed you?”

Daryls heart is in his throat but he nods again and gives a sort of grunt unable to speak through the tightness in his throat. The gentle press of Jesus lips against his feels like the first breath after a coma. His entire body is electric and he is dropping the bottle of whisky to tangle his hands into Jesus hair. A surprised gasp leaves Jesus before it's smothered by the fierce pushback from Daryl's lips. Daryl finds that kissing is less about knowing what you're doing than he thought. His body knows and his mind doesn't have time to question it. Jesus places a hand on Daryl's chest breaking them apart.

“Hold on.”

Jesus lips look plump and bruised and his eyes are wide paired with his wild hair Daryl thinks he has never seen him look more beautiful, a similar thought is passing through Jesus’s mind when he catches his breath.

“M’ sorry”

The doubt Daryl had avoided before is bubbling up now.

“No, that was perfect. I’m just… I needed a second.”

Jesus thumb is gently stroking Daryl's collarbone and Daryl's hands have shifted to cup both of Jesus shoulders. Daryl can feel a slight shake under his hands so he pulls Jesus in holding the back of his head as he tucks it into the crook of his neck. The embrace feeling somehow just as electrifying as the kiss. Jesus lets out a shaky sigh gripping Daryls vest in his fist and relaxing into him. Daryl’s mind is spinning. He doesn't ever want to let go. There is a sound in the distance a rustling and a clang followed by a thud. Both men freeze in their embrace.

“Do you think?”

”Shh.”

Daryl strains his ears his mind turning over the possibilities. He pulls Jesus back looking into his face still gripping him as he gestures with his head for Jesus to circle around and come at the noise from the other side. Jesus understands and nods quickly pulling his beanie and gloves from his pockets and putting them on.

The Lookout: Rick and Maggie

Rick untangles himself from the collapsed and broken camping chair as Maggie tries to catch her breath between fits of laughter. Rick had been standing on his chair trying to hold in his excitement as he witnessed the scout and the archer finally kiss. It took every bit of restraint he had not to hoot out a victory cry. Then his foot had gone through the worn fabric of the chair's seat and the entire thing had collapsed the metal bars clanking together before Rick hit the ground hard. He manages to free his leg from where it's trapped.

Maggie stands to try and help Rick but he waves her off the red in his cheeks finally fading. He brushes his hands on his pants before returning his gaze to the men at the camp site. He moves his binoculars around trying to figure out where they went and when he can't find them his heart rate spikes.

“Maggie?”

She is assessing the busted chair with a clicking tongue.

“Hmm?”

She asks her thoughts elsewhere.

“Maggie? Where did they go?”

Maggies attention snaps back to the current situation and she quickly scrambles over to her own binoculars. The two of them scan the clearing again their panic edging closer as Maggie can't find them either.

“I dunno they were right there just a minute ago. You don't think somethin’ happened?”

“Maybe they went into the tent?”

Rick asks hopefully, trying to keep the worry out of his voice. A rustle to his left his Rick tensing and then there is a hand wrapped around his neck and a voice next to his ear.

“I don't think they are in the tent.”

Jesus’s voice is a mock version of Rick's as he says it, the southern drawl sounding goofy coming from him. Rick relaxes not worried now that the arm pressed to his throat will end his life.

“Jesus, you scared the crap outta me.”

In front of him Maggie is clutching her chest and glaring up at Daryl who has both his arms locked around her pinning her arms to her sides above the elbow. It looks more like a hug than an attack. Rick thinks Jesus grip might looks similarly harmless to Maggie and he smiles the relief finally flooding through him. They were all accounted for and unharmed.

“So. You guys worked it out then?”

Daryl drops his arms from around Maggie and steps forward like he might hit Rick but Jesus has spun them around and placed himself in front of Rick just as fast.

“We sure did, Maggie looks pretty tired, scheming sure takes alot out of a pregnant lady huh?”

Maggie looks at the ground guiltily as Jesus continues talking.

“Since we have a run to go on in the morning I think we outta rest up. You got watch Rick right?”

Jesus asks but he is already walking towards the clearing down the hill followed closely by Daryl and Rick sees that it isn't actually a question at all. He looks behind him seeing Maggie zip the flaps of the tent closed and realizes he is alone. He shifts turning around again and sighs.

The next morning the group decides to take the car to the town 2 miles over rather than walk for Maggie's sake. When Rick falls asleep on the way there the group takes mercy on him and clears out the clinic without him. Maggie finds as many excuses as she can to wander away from the two men when she sees the way their arms brush or their gazes lock. Rick might have made a mess interrupting her plans but he certainly sped things up too. She grabs a bottle of minty toothpaste so Rick can give it to Michonne. She thinks that there ought to be a good reward in it for him.

Please do not remove watermarks,link to another site or repost Irenedrews work without her consent!

#desus #darus #irenedrew #gayninjabadass #anyone with eyes #this was so much fun #thankyou for the prompt anon #Irenedrew is my child I have adopted her #her work is incredible #heavy weight champion photomanip

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a-panda-reads-act-omega · 7 years ago

Text

ACT OMEGA PART 24

THE 04/02/17 UPDATE

Hey look at that, I’m bored and I can’t urge myself to close that act omega tab. You know what that means. I’m doing another part today, w o o o o o

Alrighty, last time. Aranea showed up, and I reacted in a perfectly calm and orderly fashion. Let’s see where this goes!

Yup. Nobody’s happy. Put that grin away Aranea.

MEENAH: serket?? MEENAH: HOLD the GLUB up MEENAH: i thought you like MEENAH: got owned or w/e

She did indeed get owned or w/e. By you, in fact. You from another universe in which you became a giant hot troll wearing a goddamn skintight outfit.

Oh yeah, and she is currently destroying the hell out of the kiddo’s back at the lily pad.

ARANEA: ... Nice to see you too, Meenah.

Pssst.. it’s not nice to see you aranea...

ARANEA: Just as anxious to get to the point as ever. 8ut as per usual, I encourage you to exercise a 8it more p8tience. ARANEA: All your questions and concerns will be addressed eventually, I assure you. MEENAH: UUUGH MEENAH: i cannot B-ELI-EV-E this MEENAH: you go all crazy and try n pull off some ridiculous timeline divine intervention stunt MEENAH: prolly kelped actin like a hotshot all the way up to getting fuckin WAST-ED MEENAH: im out here thinkin i aint never gonna sea you again cause you got it in your head you had ta be the ultimate magnanimous blowhard just like your STUPID ALT S)(-ELLF MEENAH: AND T)(-EN MEENAH: you reappier outta NOW)(-ER-E MEENAH: lookin just as smug as you got no business bein MEENAH: and you tell me i gotta put up with whatever sanctimonious salmon youve prepared before i get any answers?!

LET ‘ER HAVE IT MEENAH. Can Aranea get the idea out of her head that SHE has got to be the one everybody looks up to? Because everytime she’s had an effect on this story, it’s made everything completely horrible. Honestly, she just tries too hard to be worthy of admiration. If she were like Vriska, she’d care more about doing what needs to be done instead of being admired by all. Merely because Vriska isn’t so dependent on the approval of others, and is happy with doing what needs to be done just so she can brag to herself and others. Alright, I kinda feel like getting deeper into this. How Vriska and Aranea differ and parallel eachother, because it’s a pretty thin line that doesn’t feel obvious. But here’s a very simple way of putting it:

Vriska wants to be the hero Aranea wants to be seen as the hero

Vriska wants to force dead weight to carry itself Aranea wants useful people to depend on her

I feel like that sums it up fairly well, really. Maybe I’ll start making sideposts of character analysis if I feel like getting deeper into these topics.

ARANEA: Sanctimonious what? MEENAH: OH MY COD I M-EANT S-ERMON

GET MAD MEENAH. IMPALE HER WITH YOUR POKEY FORK.

And here we find Porrim, in her natural state of “tired of everybodys shit”

PORRIM: Meenah. Yo+u might want to+ reel yo+urself in for a mo+ment.

S)(-ELL NO

MEENAH: >38( PORRIM: Maybe try to+ avo+id making the same mistakes as the yo+unger Serket.

DONT BRING VRISKA INTO THIS

VRISKA: Excuse me???????? PORRIM: O+h, hush. Yo+u’ve spent far mo+re energy externalizing yo+ur frustratio+n than you+ have do+ing anything pro+ductive. PORRIM: We can o+nly take so+ much o+f this. We're here to+ try and do+ so+mething with o+ur afterlife o+ther than willfully subject o+urselves to+ its infinite echo+ chamber o+f teenage drama.

Porrim

porrim, baby

i love you, i do

but this is n o T JUST TEENAGE DRAMA? I mean, Aranea killed EVERYBODY.

PORRIM: I myself have had eno+ugh o+f that fo+r at least two+ lifetimes. PORRIM: So+ if either o+f yo+u are ultimately o+nly go+ing to co+ntribute to+ the endless caco+phany, rather than fo+cus o+n getting results, I suggest yo+u mo+ve it to+ so+me o+ther bubble. PORRIM: If no+t, then co+nsider jo+ining the rest o+f us in seeing what Aranea might have to+ o+ffer to+ o+ur cause. ARANEA: Why, thank you, Porrim. That was very eloquently put. I promise you won’t 8e disappointed. ::::)

Goddammit Porrim, you gave her a reason to be smug. Just because Porrim is tired of the arguing, doesn’t mean you’re somehow at all justified in anything you’ve ever done ever.

ok im salty

PORRIM: Hmmm. We’ll see. ARANEA: Really, I was well prepared for my reappearance to cause something of a stir. It’s completely understanda8le to want an explan8tion.

UUUUUGHHhfadjnkms SHuuut uppp

ARANEA: I’ve 8een lying low for quite a while now. Gathering inform8tion, drawing conclusions, revising and perfecting plans... All of which will certainly prove invalua8le for you all in your current predicament! ARANEA: It really is a shame you’ve landed yourselves in such a 8ind! It was ultim8ly inevita8le, 8ut unfortun8 all the same. ARANEA: Isn’t it lucky, then, that I’m here to put this tr8n 8ack on its tracks?

Im gonna die from salt poisoning help

PORRIM: SIGH...

SIGH...

PORRIM: If yo+u have any interest in keeping that pro+mise o+f yo+urs, I suggest yo+u skip the preamble.

Thank you Porrim. I’m trying to find somebody to latch onto here, but everybody is starting problem’s n s t uf f .

Everybody looks so

VRISKA: Hold the fucking phone! Why should we listen to ANYTHING you have to say?

YOU sHOULDN’T

VRISKA: Your track record isn’t exactly stellar! And from what I’m seeing right now, you haven’t learned from your colossal fuckup one iota!

WOAH, VASKA... who the hell says iota????

VRISKA: I have a8solutely ZERO interest in letting the same washed up has-8een whose mess *I* had to clean up waltz up here and act like she’s my goddamn s8vior!!!!!!!

YEAH TELL HER VRISKA! EVEN THOUGH IM PREEETTY SURE YOU DID NOTHING AND TEREZI DID EVERYTHING...

And, oh god my memory of the timelines and stuff are getting me confused. I’m sure I’m probably wrong about this, but y’know what I’m gonna talk about it anyways. Would this Vriska really even know about Aranea? I mean, she didn’t die, so... maybe just in her dreams or something. or. gdi im confused.

ARANEA: Come now, Vriska. You of all people should know that there are 8etter times to choose for throwing hissyfits!

This isn’t a HISSYFITS. This is clear and rational thought. And I don’t get w hY NOBODY ELSE IS QUESTIONING THESE THINGS.

ARANEA: And 8esides, what a8out your little plan? We can all pl8nly see how well that turned out. You were smacked down just as unceremoniously as I was, so don’t act as if you’re suddenly the only person who can pull their own w8 around here.

Yeah, but you know what? Her plan didn’t revolve around dooming EVERYBODY. Her plan had essence of COMPETENCE.

ARANEA: You may 8e incredibly stu88orn, 8ut you can’t 8e so foolish as to dismiss common sense purely for the s8ke of your ego. I’m your 8est shot at m8king it out of this alive. While your army was 8eing eradic8ed, I was 8usy uncovering the truth. ARANEA: If you would just allow me to expl8n, perhaps you could finally reg8n your wits and 8e a8le to focus on what TRULY matters.

oh god i hate her h e l p.

pLEASE.. DOUBle DEATh HER.

VRISKA: I already HAVE my wits! And I was just a8out to use them to whip this 8unch of losers into sh8pe 8efore YOU and your 8loated delusions of grandeur showed up! ARANEA: Is that what you were a8out to do? I never would have guessed. Considering from my perspective, you were in the middle of some sort of mental 8reakdown 8rought on 8y 8eing utterly incapa8le of comprehending the magnitude of your own failure!

At least she DAMAGED HIM. SHE INFLICTED SOME FORM OF HARM TO THE UNKILLABLE GOD TRYING TO FUCK THEM OVER. You literally just got everybody killed with no positive result, you cannot claim that you are A N Y better than her.

ARANEA: If you had been p8ying attention, you might have t8ken note of when I mentioned that this outcome was inevita8le. There was hardly anything I could have done to prevent it. YOU, on the other hand... ARANEA: The mishap with your dice could easily have 8een avoided if you had simply realized how thoroughly outmatched you were. Did you actually try your little luck-stealing trick on LORD ENGLISH?

FIRST THE F U C K OF ALL... If this outcome was inevitable, then that literally makes EVERYBODY IN PARADOX SPACE JUST AS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS DISASTER. NNGH YOU CANNOT PIN THIS ON VRISKA JUST TO MAKE YOURSELF LOOK BETTER

VRISKA: Yeah! I did!!!!!!!! That’s kind of what I DO? VRISKA: 8ut... it didn’t WORK. ARANEA: Tsk, tsk. Of course it didn’t. Lord English is hardly on the same level as the 8lack king, or the myriad low-level imps, hapless trolls, and pitiful ghosts from which you’d previously acquired your ill-gotten fortune. Your a8ilities aren’t even close to developed enough to stand a chance against such an opponent! ARANEA: 8ut say, I think that perhaps we can strike a deal. We all know that time has 8een kinder to me in that I’ve had enough of it to refine my powers considera8ly. 8etween the two of us, I am clearly the superior Hero of Light.

. . . . . . . . F U C K Y O U .

Can’t deal with this. Can’t TAKE this girl’s superiority complex.

God im turning into the human equivallent of a salt shaker.

VRISKA: Oh, yeah. Sure. 8ecause I’m totally interested in whatever 8ogus “deal” you have to offer. Especially when you phrase it like THAT! ARANEA: And yet you don’t deny truth of my words. A smart choice. VRISKA: Are you going to w8ste time gloating, or actually get to the point?! ARANEA: My point is that I would 8e more than happy to lend you my services. Allow you to maximize your potential in a more... expedient fashion, given the sizea8le constraints we are currently under. ARANEA: All you would have to do is ask nicely. May8e even apologize for raising your voice? A little more respect and deference would 8e appreci8ed as well. ARANEA: What do you say? A deal is a deal? ::::)

GOD. DAMN IT I CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS. I REALLY REALLY R E A L L Y HATE HER. NOBODY WANTS YOUR HELP. Oh god this is turning into the worst liveblog ever, B U T SERIOUSLY I HATE HER AND THAT IS LITERALLY ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT RIGHT NOW.

VRISKA: How a8out this: I DON’T NEED YOUR HELP!!!!!!!!

YEs. PRECISELY

OHFUCKHIKANKRI

KANKRI: *PHWEEEEEEEET!!!*

...

O k you know what. For once, I’m actually happy about Kankri existing. That fuckfest needed to end.

And jesus. I need to calm myself down.

Oh god poor Mituna is freaking out.

KANKRI: I think that is QUITE en9ugh 9f that f9r n9w. While I n9rmally endeav9r t9 enc9urage c9nstructive de6ate in the interest 9f inf9rming the ign9rant masses, this argument has 6ec9me far t99 pr96lematic f9r me t9 all9w it t9 c9ntinue!

Gdi I haven’t even read it yet, but it already hurts to look at.

Alright. So yeah, this is getting out of hand and he’s putting a stop to it with his space jesus powers.

KANKRI: There isn’t nearly en9ugh time f9r me t9 g9 9ver all 9f the deeply distur6ing c9mments disparaging n9t 9nly the magically disadvantaged, 6ut the mentally challenged, which I have just 69re witness t9. S9 I will settle with 6riefly chastising y9u 69th f9r y9ur cavalier disregard 9f y9ur inherent privilege, and enc9urage y9u to 6e m9re aware 9f h9w the nature 9f y9ur w9rds might affect the very imp9rtant feelings 9f pe9ple that aren’t here.

And people that ARE here. Like, you know. The mentally challenged Mituna right behind you. Though I’m pretty sure you’re speech his having a worse affect on him than they are. Also, how the hell did they even offend any mentally challenged people??

LATULA: ummmmmm, l1k3, not to b3 UN-r4d or wh4t3v3r, b3c4us3 th4t 1s TOT3S not my styl3, LATULA: but m1tun4 1s l1k3, R1GHT h3r3??

Thank you Latula, the poor guy is dying at all these words.

KANKRI: He is?

Oh my god Kankri, seriously? Were you too busy ogling at Latula to realize that their were handicapped people who needed defending in the area?

MITUNA: 1 H4T3 Y0UR FUCK1NG W157L3 KANKRI: 9h. Right, 9f c9urse. My mistake. Ap9l9gies, Mituna. I h9pe y9u d9n’t mind that I have taken it up9n myself t9 help speak 9n y9ur behalf, c9nsidering y9ur vari9us issues with speaking at all.

kANKRI. that is not how you speak to handicapped people. Is he just salty that he’s dating Latula? Yeah. he’s totally salty about latula.

MITUNA: UM KANKRI: Exactly. Y9u’ve 6een rendered n9n-ver6al 6y the sens9ry 9verl9ad caused 6y all this unnecessary sh9uting. Which makes the wh9le thing w9rse, really. Right, Mituna? MITUNA: WHY 4R3 7HR33 S0 M4NY W0RD5 MITUNA: 175 4LL MITUNA: 8UZZ1NG LATULA: dont worry 4bout 1t b4b3! 1ts 4lmost ov3r. MITUNA: 5H0U71NG 4ND MITUNA: 5TUP1D 8ULG3 WH1FF1NG WH157L35 MITUNA: FUCK

Latula is literally the best supportive girlfriend. Is she gonna cover his ears for him next?

KANKRI: Even m9re sincere ap9l9gies, Mituna. Even if the use 9f the whistle was vital in the c9nstructi9n 9f y9ur safe space, I understand that it did upset y9u and that y9ur feelings 9n the matter are valid. KANKRI: 6ut thankfully, and despite the unf9rtunate side effects, it did its j96 9f helping 6ring every9ne t9 their senses. KANKRI: Really, this wh9le thing c9uld have 6een av9ided if y9u 69th had just listened t9 P9rrim's advice. PORRIM: O+h. PORRIM: Kanny, did yo+u just... AGREE with me fo+r o+nce? KANKRI: ... KANKRI: I 6elieve I have asked y9u several times n9w n9t t9 call me that!

what has this devolved into? What is this BICKERING. Can anybody remain on the same page for more than two sentences? Honestly, I’m surprised Lord English hasn’t just killed them all yet.

AND HERE THESE TWO ARE, indifferent as always.

SOLLUX: (well.) SOLLUX: (this is pr0bably the worst clusterfuck i have ever had the f0rtune 0f n0t seeing.) SOLLUX: (are y0u sure we can’t just leave?) SOLLUX: (as if whichever smug fuck that ends up running the idi0t brigade is g0ing to s0lve 0ur impending d00m. it’s alm0st starting t0 feel like the wh0le pirate crew bullshit all 0ver again.) SOLLUX: (except s0meh0w even m0re 0f a catastr0phe.)

Sollux, there’s one thing you’re forgetting. The pirate ship was a disaster, yes. but now you have one KEY FACTOR that will lead you all to victory. The power of F R I E N D S H I P. Can’t you just feel all the good vibes radiating off of these assholes?

ARADIA: (we cant go yet sollux!) ARADIA: (i have no intention of leaving) ARADIA: (and while i understand why you may want to this time it really is somewhat imperative that you stay) ARADIA: (we all have a part to play in the preservation of reality) ARADIA: (a mission which is even more critical now than it has ever been!)

Alright, so this team’s objective “SAVE REALITY” Team lilypad’s objective “DONT.. DIE” Team Lowas’s objective “THERAPIZE ERISOL”

SIMPLE ENOUGH.

oh god i just remembered Calliope already died and that’s s A D ...

SOLLUX: (ugh. really?) ARADIA: (yes!) SOLLUX: (s0 i’m like. imp0rtant s0meh0w?) ARADIA: (does it help you feel better to think about it like that?) SOLLUX: (... kind 0f? bizarrely en0ugh.) SOLLUX: (where did that c0me fr0m all 0f a sudden?) ARADIA: (i couldnt possibly tell you) ARADIA: (but what i can tell you is that i think this brief setback will be over soon) SOLLUX: (fine, if y0u say s0.)

All setbacks can be overcome with enough TIME. HAHA.... TIME JOKE. The hell am i doing with my life.

Oh shit is Davepeta here to drop some calm bombs on the group?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < man this is just getting sad DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but guess i oughta toss my two cents into this clusterfuck DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < beclaws honestly i KIND of agr33 with vwiskers a little? DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < my subconscious is clawing at me that we totally cant trust aranea at all ever

THANK, you.

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < cause shes seriously bad news DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i dont have any real concrete memories or anything to support it but DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i dunno! thats just how i f33l DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < meow on the other paw DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < we kind of are in some purrty hot water DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < and i ALSO have the conflicting f33ling that whatever info she has fur us will be impurrtant DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < so if anything we should just hear her out DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < so long as you dont try to pull anything fishy!!

SIGH... I G U E S S. It still feels horrible to even let her get a word in, just because she’s literally gonna act like every useful information she gives is worth everything, and they have no right to blame her for anything.

ARANEA: Er... ARANEA: Thank you for the endorsement. And the warning, I suppose. ARANEA: If there won’t 8e any further interruptions? MEENAH: yeah sure fine whatever MEENAH: but u beta believe im gonna be gilling you later ARANEA: I look forward to it.

I’m gonna hope that was a fish pun, and what she meant was ‘killing’

TAVROS: i THINK VRISKA LOOKS LIKE, sHE IS READY TO STOP SHOUTING, TAVROS: sO WE CAN BEGIN LISTENING, TAVROS: wHICH IS GOOD, bECAUSE I AM VERY CURIOUS, TAVROS: eSPECIALLY SINCE, i SORT OF, aLWAYS LIKED YOUR STORIES, aRANEA, TAVROS: wHEN THEY DIDN’T RUN TOO LONG, aNYWAY,,,

N O B O D Y A S K E D Y O U T A V R O S

putthatfuckingsmileaway

ARANEA: Don’t worry, Tavros. I will try and keep this as 8rief as possible. ARANEA: While also ensuring all vital inform8tion and context is provided, of course. ARANEA: Now, allow me to 8egin...

...gjdkgfignjfij

conflicting feelings about everything here. Alright. WELL, that is the end of this update. you can listen to my whine a bunch on the next part. SO. yeah.

#homestuck #homestuck liveblog #Act Omega #hs act omega #act omega liveblog #hs act omega liveblog

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youllneverknowmysecretidentity · 5 years ago

Text

There’s a god in the mountains

I used to look at the world as something that revolves around me, people walked around me and disappeared from the worlds equation when I put them out of view, I forgot that 7 billion hearts are out there thinking the same as me. However, we are so small and insignificant. The woods hold ancient stories, sounds, and reasoning. I always loved the idea of woods but was never a keen outdoorsman. I stayed in my room pretending I was meant to be something bigger. The day I entered the woods was the day I realized I was minuscule and powerless. The day was hot, muggy, and sunny. Foliage was active and colored. I remember being lost from exposed nerves and emotions, I must have been like a signal beacon to every supernatural power in the region. I hated the radio, playing the same noise with no experimentation or variety, just the same sex drugs and heartbreak message over again. I felt sick as it reminded me of utter loneliness and how lost I was in mother nature’s cavernous being. I remember the feeling of reality being altered as I opened the car door and stared into the trail head. The woods itself seemed to expand when I tried to look further down the trail, ignoring the feeling I packed up and walked. No matter how relaxing the forest may seem to be or how ‘helpful’ it would be for me to get some fresh air as my mother and father put it. I couldn’t seem to make my mind silent, too many memories of my past Friday played in my head on what seemed to be the highest volume setting. Visions of my friends seemingly becoming more and more concerned, visions of a past lover and toxic words spewed to the masses, the feeling of utter loss. I was now alone, before, I was happy with my friends and family and then a past soul decided his own little world was more important and cost me a few friends and a few nights I could have been sleeping. The past week has been compiled of me barely talking at my practices and throwing myself into work. I honestly could not remember the last time I ate a proper meal or even bothered to function on anything other than caffeine and the occasional bummed smoke off of one of the few friends I had left. I still remember the concern laced on Lauren’s and Grady’s face as I shakily inhaled from the cigarette. Before I knew it, I was crying in the middle of the damn woods. I didn’t realize my wailing could be heard a mile away. This is where the world truly became bigger. First it was the noise, it usually is loud and constant in the forest but the forest silenced and became dead; strangely enough the silence was calming and shut down my mind for a beat. As I walked deeper i noticed the second sign, the air had a mix of metallic and floral smell, as if someone put honey suckle and jasmine on a pile of pennies. The third and final sign was the breathing, it sounded like a powerful gust of wind, but as it continued in beats and was felt on my back, I knew it was breath from a powerful set of lungs. I stopped mid walk, too paralyzed to turn around. Growing up I believed in ghosts, monsters, and anything that could be terrifying. I never thought I would ever encounter one however. The breathing soon became quieter and less heavy but still ever present and hot on my neck. At the moment I did not realize tears were still falling down my face and dripping on the ground. The breathing figure seemed to notice as I felt the breath fan down as if the head had turned to watch the ground. This movement gave me the courage to do a 180 and see my worst fear. What I saw changed my life forever. Behind me was a mixture of creatures, as tall as a grizzly bear but with the head of a lion, wings on an eagle, and black fur adorning its powerfully built body. I was shocked but the size and energy it gave off. It noticed me turn around and looked into my eyes, my soul changed in its holder, blue eyes with hints of forest green that held eternity behind them. My soul felt lifted with this creature, like we had both floated in an endless timeless eternity, but not lost; instead held and whole like I had found a missing piece in my puzzle. It tilted its head and watched me with almost innocent curiosity. The power it exuded was like none other, that moment I knew I was only a small variable in a big universe. I felt worthless compared to this creature. So I did what any sensible human does when threatened with harsh truth, I ran. I felt the earth tremble and heard a deafening roar, running was my only purpose as I outran probably every Olympic record in existence just to get to my car and home. Seeing the trailhead made me release a whimper of excitement. Unlocking my car and hopping in I sped down the old road to home before even checking for oncoming traffic. The drive home consisted of my wiping my never ending tears and nearly puking three times. But, the farther I got away from the creature, the more detached I felt from myself, as if I lost part of me. I blame the fear and adrenaline but boy was I in for a surprise later on. That night I was plagued with dreams of a dark and deep voice saying my name, a strong hand reaching and a flash of eagle feathers on a necklace. When I woke, I had felt more refreshed than having slept for 100 nights. The drive to school was filled with unclean paranoia and everytime I passed even the smallest patch of wood, I felt as if I was watched. Finally parking and getting out of my car, I was calmly slapped by reality. “Hannah!” I turned to see my beautiful friend Lauren and her boyfriend Grady walking along side the girl. I smiled my best smile and greeted her. “How was your weekend? Grady told me you went on a hike to clear your head, I hope you feel better last week was shit.” “I guess, the walk was okay I guess, I stopped having issues sleeping so maybe that’s a plus” Grady smiled and quipped back, “good cause you owe me a fuck ton of cigarettes.” Our group laughed and it was almost enough to drown the sound of tires squealing into the parking lot of a not so friendly car, Lauren looked back and scoffed “god I hope he never drove like that with you in the car” I shrugged and looked at the car, “we should get inside.” She nodded and we began our trek to class. I was lucky to have shared several periods with Grady that day and a lunch period with the both of them as well. During my TA I caught myself doodling the creature, too much emphasis on the eyes, too much power in those paws. I felt a dirty presence behind me and breath on my shoulder. “So, you done being a bitch about what I said?” I turned around to see C. C was an ex lover, my first true boyfriend, my first sexual encounter, and the reason I vowed to never wear rose colored glasses again. “I’m not being a bitch C, I’m just simply being human. You should try it sometime.” He scoffed and sat beside me, “look Hannah, I was simply giving you advice, you need it, look at you. Also, eventually you’re going to have to stop being so rude and actually act like we’re friends instead of bossing me around and giving me a cold shoulder.” I laughed a poisonous laugh and turned to him. “Funny, last time I checked, we’re not friends, you’re not my captain, and you act like a half wit child so I have every right to be the way I am!” I turned and packed my belongings quickly but before I could make it past the table he grabbed my arm and I looked down to him. Most people would describe him as a typical athletic teen boy, tall, scrawny, blond hair, blue eyes, and a fake arrogance clouding his teenage lust and insecurities. To make things worse he was ridiculously academically smart, which got to his head enormously. “Hannah, remember that night we broke up? I told you I still cared for you and valued your friendship, please don’t act like this. It’s making me look bad.” All the rage of the heavens filled me, I ripped my arm from his grip and got uncomfortably close, “good, it’s about damn time the world knew what a fuckin jack ass you are.” Speed walking out I managed to bump into Ava on the way through, unfortunately causing some things to spill from my bag including the sketches of the creature. She quickly picked up my things muttering quick apologies and looked at my drawings. “WOAH dude! These are so cool! That looks like that one creature I saw in a book!” I looked at her and opened my eyes wide,” from where?” “A book on like mystical beings and stuff, it’s pretty cool, I got it at home. That monster was honestly the coolest one.” “What kind of monster is it??” She thought for a minute and ran a hand through her bright pink hair, “it’s a he, and I think he was like a protector of something.” She offered me a smile and handed me my book, “well I was just curious, I saw him online and thought he was pretty so I sketched him.” “Oh cool dude, also are you okay you seem kinda frazzled, is it C again?” “I guess, I stood up to him which felt good, I’m trying to not let him own me” “good, you’re better than him anyway.” I smiled a forced smile thinking of yesterday and how small I felt to the creature and his presence. I nodded and said a quick goodbye before rushing to my fourth hoping for my day to end fast. The drive home was filled with silence as I watched the road in front of me, protecter of what? Was Ava saying that THAT creature was supposed to be a protection god, I remember reading an article about protection gods. According to mythology they were supposed to be specific to certain types of things but often would have cases of them getting attached to certain objects or groups that had celestial value or power. If the legends are true, why would he be here? Arriving to my room I dumped my bag out and found my sketch, I eyed it before grabbing my phone and calling Ava. “Hey dude what’s up?” “Where was that creature we were talking about from?” “Oh that guy lemme check, it says it’s from Europe it’s a English god to be exact, which is weird because England was a Christian area but whatever. Why?” “Oh just curious, I kinda wanted to do more drawings and research it more” “oh cool! It’s name is chosantóiran I think it means protector, it’s Irish descent but the legend was strongest in England.” “Huh, thank you so much Ava.” “No problem dude, let me know if I can help with anything else” I said a goodbye and hung up, I stared at my wall “chosantóiran.” I now have my name, now to find the beast. A WEEK LATER The school week had passed and fall break was among the masses, horns honked, kids cheered, and my classmates discussed the final plans to their senior trips. I looked down at my shoes and thought, about my senior trip plans. Hunting a legend, he was out there and I didn’t care if I was going alone. I knew I was gonna find something. Behind me Lauren talked and Grady replied, “Hannah, earth to Hannah.” I snapped out of my daze and looked back smiling apologetically. She smiled and patted my shoulder,” get some beauty rest and relaxation for the break, and call us to hang out, you need to heal.” She patted my shoulder again and walked off waving. I looked back at the ground and gasped, sat in a puddle of crystal clear rain water was a singular golden eagle feather. Picking it up I examined it, it was way too big to be a normal eagle feather. My target was watching me. The following days consisted of endless computer research and writing, but, just enough downstairs time to not make my parents suspicious. “You know Hannah, I think you’re doing quite well considering what’s been going on.” My dad said over Monday breakfast, I habitually got up early to prepare for a day of studies but was met with my father putting food in my face and giving me a hefty amount of black coffee. The gesture was kind, so I took it. “Yeah I guess, just keeping occupied with much better things.” I replied before taking a bite of egg smothered toast. “Work is always good.” He then stood up and placed his plate in the sink before patting my shoulder and leaving for work. I stared at the door before I ate the rest of my food and moved to my room. My desk was covered in papers and sticky notes, I looked at them closely. I can’t truly find answers until I go to the beast itself. Piling my papers together and putting them in a neat pile I got out some gear before hopping in the shower and washing up. Hopping out and changing I heard my mom walk up the short staircase to my room “whatcha doing?” I turned to her and smiled, “I’m thinking of going on another hike today at round lunchtime, is that okay with you?” She nodded and then crossed into the laundry room to fluff the latest load. I sat back at my desk and wrote plans and side plans. The clock beeped and it was time. I packed a small bag and bid my mom goodbye and promised to be careful. I smiled while getting in my car, strict parents never failed in their habits. Driving to the spot was easy enough, finding the creature would be the hard part. I must have walked the woods for three miles never once feeling or hearing a sign. Then an idea bloomed. “chosantóiran” I chanted. The air changed, I chanted two more times and then another for good measure. Still no more signs but at least the air seemed different. I walked further and then I heard it a crunch. It sounded far but then another followed just behind me. I turned and saw nothing, turning back I was met with eyes. The green blue eyes of him. I felt my soul lift again but before I could run or be caught in a dangerous trance I shook my head and stared back attempting to give off the power he had. He tilted his head curiously and almost playfully. I felt humiliated, before I could give into instinct and run, he shifted. He stepped closer to me, he snuffed and then put his powerful nose into my air and sniffed. Leaning back the creature sneezed and blinked. “Glad I smell like shit.” He blinked again before I saw his skin shift again, I gasped. The skin then stared to shift and shrink. The creatures body balled up and changed. Wings disappeared and paws turned into hands. Slowly standing up, I saw my death. His eyes were the same, but his body was not, he was averagely tall, not too tall but taller than me, he was muscularly built, he had a strong thick beard that seemed well trimmed, his hair was brown and shaggy yet slicked back, his lips were plush and pink like the visual representation of temptation, he stood with an air that said sureness but still was gentle and non intrusive, finally his smell was the same as before but stronger and with a hint of musk. He was a masterpiece, I felt weak in my knees, then he spoke. “Why are you coming back to me?” A deep British accent that seemed aged like whiskey in an oak barrel. I felt my throat close but my mouth water. He raised his eyebrows, “oh, sorry, I just..... was i don’t know.” He tilted his head, his eyes held understanding yet patience and warmth. My knees got weaker. “You’re an interesting human, your soul is so powerful.” I nodded “sure, coming from a literal god” he chuckled and looked at his feet, “to humans im a god, to the other gods im simply a beast. My name is actually Mullen. The other name was just part of the tale.” I nodded and smiled, “my name is Hannah, my name is just, my name.” He chuckled, “ that’s what I like about humans, they get to start without a story.” I nodded and sat on a log. Minutes of talking turned into hours and eventually I had to go home, his eyes held sadness but understanding. I was sad to leave him but I didn’t want to face the wrath of missing dinner so I headed home. My evening later was filled with random moments of smiling and thinking back to the conversations we held so strongly. The vivid memory of us climbing and tree together and his body being close to mine for only a few seconds. I’m in trouble now.

#writing #my writing #creative writing #writer #author #I know it’s shit please don’t @ me #love #romance #drama

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mcrmadness · 6 years ago

Text

Rant about how I can’t draw anymore... it shouldn’t have got this long but as it did anyway, I’m gonna put a read more link there eh...

Asdfdeghawbfk I’ve been reading some webcomics on Tumblr and the more I see the pics the more I want to draw too! I just don’t know what to draw. I lost my inspiration years ago. I guess I just became this boring adult or something. Not really as I’m still very child-like by my mind but I think all my energy and imagination is rented by my mental illness as it loves to make up weird scenarios and false alarms 24/7 so there’s none left for my own use...

So far only things I can came up with is drawings related to my mental stuff and it makes me angry because it’s just lots of text along with badly drawn pictures of nothing interesting. I already write way too much of my nonsense no one is interested in and it’s spreading to my art too.

It’s sad because drawing had been my hobby since I could handle a pen. I guess it ended few years ago when I used to do lots of portraits. Just fanart basically but those were never good enough. For me as I’m a huge perfectionist. I was good at the mechanics but not so good at making them look original. I think the major breakdown was when my friend told me that she doesn’t understand people who draw portraits because it’s just basically a copy of a photo and is lacking the soul or story of the drawing itself. She got the point and I was and still am not angry at her, but it made me realize that they were just not-even-perfect copies of photos.

I also was bullied at school and made feel like I was worth nothing and everyone just hated (on) me and I felt pretty shit and I was lonely as hell (I had no friends at school for almst 2 years in straight), I drew a lot and that was my way of getting the attention and approval I couldn’t get. And it was never enough. I did not draw because it was fun but because I wanted it finished, uploaded to Deviantart and to see if I could get comments and I was ALWAYS disappointed and felt like the world is against me and it’s my destiny that no one will ever see me no matter what I do. I was grateful for everyone leaving a like or comment but it was not enough... so maybe they lacked the soul because y only intention with them was to get attention. So I slowly stopped drawing.

I also can’t draw anything just like that. I’m terrible and it also made me even more depressed and angry because everytime I tried drawing something that was no copying, they turned out 57825792 times worse. And I just felt like I actually couldn’t even draw shit so I was just lying to myself, I was pretending to be good at drawing when in reality I sucked so bad and just was faking for myself because I knew how to mechanically draw, but not how to draw with just my mind as the reference pic. I don’t know if they looked so horrible for everyone or just for me, but it made me so damn angry. And I’m not an angry person but when I tried to draw it just made me so stressed out and I wanted to break everything and throw stuff out of the window so I stopped.

AND YET I still feel the urge to draw but I don’t know WHAT to draw. Okay since the first Deadpool movie I’ve been wanting to draw this once scene from it but I’ve never started because it’s too much work to go and find that scene on the bluray and actually get that paused so you can see the lines well enough. So I’ve been thinking about that scene for over 2 years and have done nothing. Also it would just be one stupid-ass piece of fanart portrait which lack the soul and it’d be just for me to do something DP related for couple of hours as that’s probably only way to do something lasting that long. Unless I watch the movie or play the game 24/7 but... maybe not :DD (Also still can’t beat the last boss in the game because they really did not think about players using keyboard so it’s pissing me off too. I really want to know how the damn game ends!)

I also love comics and I started drawing comics when I was 9-10 years old. Or first I started with just series of pictures. Acually have to tell this one here: always the same story tho about a dino riding another dino like a horse in a competition, and then falling over this water hurdle that was deeper than swim pools what the fuck - and it ended with him watching the competition from tv with his family and he was in a wheel chair with an overall plaster cats what was wrong with me??? But I also did draw on coloring books, once I draw with a red crayon on some sort of swan, I drew wounds and blood everywhere and kept telling a story of how lion had attacked it and my aunt was there listening to me horrified :DDD I also remember how I once drew a cat family that apparently turned out to be so dangerous they had chains and all and eventually I ended up drawing lines over the whole paper because they were also behind a ighly securited fence. Okay, I know this sounds pretty creepy, but actually I’ve always liked animals over people so I have no clue why I drew things like these when in the end I could never hurt animals. Maybe Jurassic Park and other movies, as well as documents about animals, had something to do with this? Who knows...

(I also have traumas for the movie “Homeward Bound”, the scene where the cat’s in the basket in the middle of the river and the dog is trying to rescue it. I was very young at the time when my mom caught me in front of that movie crying like a... baby? because of that cat. I haven’t been able to watch that film ever again. So that probably tells you how much I love animals and especially cats as I’ve always lived with cats and we had three when I was born. But I did adopt this to my plays as a kid, I loved so much to play when someone or even better if it was a GROUP OF KIDS that were in a huge danger and they needed to be rescued. I did this with every single play I played back then. Still love it when x rescues y but nowadays more like on an emotional level as I was always alone against the people hating me and I could only dream about someone standing for me.)

BUT TO THE COMICS. At first they were just stream of consciousness without any plot, I created new characters all the time and never finished their stories as they had no plot ever. Also loved drawing “biographies”, usually it was some female anthropomorphic animal or insect that used clothes and had hair because I loved drawing different styles, make up and hair/hairdos to them. And often it started with couple of panels telling about her story from the beginning, then jumped to some age and next thing was panel per age at the same time telling about her in tht age. The idea was just to draw lots or hair and clothes, and then it ended with some age I considered “adult enough” and then their teenage/adult life started with boyfriends and stuff. Usually it was pretty much an ugly duckling kind of story where they were different and maybe bullied because of something (this one bunny had floppy ears so they did everything to get them pointy because she was bullied I guess? At least she hated her ears. Btw this was my first real comic ever!). But you can see why I still love playin The Sims games! :D

After these endless stories about nothing particular I came up with the idea of actually writing a plot and then drawing. Ended up with plenty of short comics that actually had a plot and some idea in them. The characters did change tho and I probably had couple of stories of each different characters. They were also always animals but no more antropomorphic but just animals that had speech bubbles.

My last comics ever (so far) have been two originals and one that I drew as a fanart. The two originals were called Micro - The Insane Murdered, and Little Emo Bird.

Micro was this dino-like creature, yet another anthropomorphic character because I did not know how to draw people without copying anyone’s style and I just never came up with humans as characters. So the header tells it, Micro is a murderer. This one I actually liked a lot! I was 15-17 when I drew him, but it was also much gore as, well, he’s a murderer. Or just a killer as he’s pretty much insane and doesn’t plan but just acts out of blue. I think I drew 3 different short stories for him and I had the last one written down. It was pretty interesting as I didn’t draw him for a while and when I remembered those plans and came back, I had had my identity crisis and EVERYTHING had changed. Original plan was to get him a girlfriend - after he was caught for his crimes and snet to prison,m he later was sent to an asylum for prisoners. This story should have taken place in there, introducing fellow inmates and Micro just felt like he was not in the right place as he was not ill. And then he would have met this girl and they’d have fallen in love and so on. But when I later checked that out I was so... confused :D Like, this is not me? This is what I hate now? Romance, ew, heteronormativity, ew, JUST THE CLICHÉS, BIG EW. So I just wrote these this very deep wall of text about his personality but it never turned into a comic. But I remember how proud I was about it as Micro was meant to be partly me but also something I could never be and never will be and what not, just some pretty cheesy blabber that felt good back then but right now would feel just as stupid as the first plan :D

The second one, Little Emo Bird, was an interesting one as well. I created it as a joke because I was a huge My Chemical Romance fan and there was this never-ending debate over if they’re emo or not (and as a fan I believed them so they were not emo) and created LEB. It was this bird and you usually saw just his head and occassionally wings too and he was very stereotypical emo with black hair and he was very suicidal and angry 24/7. Also others called him gay when he insisted that he was not. But actually I always imagined him with a girl emo bird instead of another boy bird but it was just the another stereotype that emoboys are gays. So it was not meant to be mean but just fun. I also liked him very much because he talked with me - the drawer/writer. Like he knew he can’t kill himself because I won’t let him and it pissed him off very. much. And he hated how the panels he was in had frames looking like scars. Oh my bad, the panels were not scars but the arrows pointing the next panel :D I’m not sure if he was actually suicidal but at least he acted like one because he was desperate for attention and tried to get attention to show no one gives a fuck about him and the would get angry for stupid reasons. So basically just a very moody teenager.

I have all these on my DeviantArt if someone’s interested, but I want to link here one of the... memes? What the shit these DA fill-this-thing were actually called memes? I wonder if they still are o.O Anyway, I want to link this one because I think it’s still the best one and I really like the outcome here :D

Here’s also the link to my dA as this empty meme was done by someone else and I wanna give credits. Oops, apparently it’s a deactivated account so nevermind, but here’s the link anyway.

The latter and so far the latest comic was about Die Ärzte, or more about the slash pairing (still my OTP) and I drew couple of comics about them, as well did write fanfiction too. These comics were my first to have human characters as I was tired of drawing everyone always in the form of animals (horses usually) just because I didn’t know how to draw people, and many people found their animal forms really disturbing to view so I changed to people.

After those I just haven’t drawn anything really. Comics would be nice, once I actually thought it would be interesting as a career but then again, I can’t work under pressure and I couldn’t live from art because you never know when the artblock hits you. Right now it’s been on for couple of years and basically only way to create something atm is to play The Sims 3 and write my TS3 blog. At least it’s something, pics with text so... I still would love to draw but I just have NO IDEA of any concept or anything.

Also just want to say here that after thinking about my Micro and LEB it’s weird how there’s certain things that actually are just the things that made me start liking Deadpool. (I’d have written ‘fall in love’ but as much as he is a fictional character, he’s still a human being and I don’t/can’t love humans...) It just shows that I’ve always like that kind of things with comics but didn’t know they existed outside of my comics until I found out about DP. Have to admit tho, that I haven’t read any DP comics... But I have an excuse: I don’t know if there’s a way to get those in Finland. ANYWAY, I just feel like someone would think these were affected by DP but actually they were not. Micro and LEB both were created in 2008 and I did not find out about Deadpool until in... 2013-2014 I think? And even then it was just occassional browsing in the internet before the movie trailers came out and that’s when I really got interested and started reading about him a lot and bought the game and here I am now. Acually not sure if it was in 2013 when we were just rewatching the X-Men movies and a friend of mine probably mentioned Deadpool at some point and told some things about him that got my attention. But really I got interested bit later anyway.

I really feel like I should do some sort of comparison between me drawing from photos vs. me drawing from my head to show how huge the difference is. And this annoys me a lot because I feel like I’ve been using these photos to LEARN to draw better but it just feels like my skills are at the maximum no matter how much I’d practice, and I’m not happy with the result as I feel like I should learn even more but how do you learn if your skill is stuck??? People always say that you just need to draw every day and a lot and they don’t understand that’s what I did and never could cross a certain point. I probably was also very jealous at my siblings because they were 5732850 times better than me who had been drawing longer than them (as I’m 3½ years older), just seeing them to improve made me so angry because I did not seem to improve at all. With copy drawings I did tho! But not with the ones I wanted to.

Now, I also know that lots of artists use lots of reference photos and that’s actually great and made me feel better as I always assumed everyone is naturally that awesome and I can’t even learn more; so it made me feel better because I also have permission? I’m not fake for using photos? But I’m just this... all or nothing so I very easily feel like I’ve betrayed myself if I don’t draw all by myself and then I need to point out that hey I’m not this good in reality I used a photo heh don’t think I’m a naturally gifted as I’M NOT asddd. So yeah, my need to constantly explain myself is on the way with this one too :))) But I don’t think this would be so bad anymore if I now started drawing again, but the biggest problem still is, that I still have that artblock and I haven’t had inspirations in years. Apart from that DP fanart idea which I don’t know if I should carry out or not... sigh.

...I want teh comics!!! I once even wanted to start this webcomic diary because I used to read lots of them but even that idea was dead from the beginning because my life is so boring there’s nothing to draw about. I also have drawn couple of comics of our cats but again it’s the thing I can’t (or I make myself believe that I can’t...) draw the way it’d look nice and appealing, now they’re just black and white mess.

#me #personal #drawing #artblock #all my inspiration died out and idk why asdddddd

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