#everything wrong in her life to go study some books man... college is nothing compared to supporting a family

[jesskasb]

yknow i figured thered be different endings depending on who you hung out with in nitw but im not ready to find out what they are. i also didnt know for sure if there WERE different endings but i just googled and like ive been having out with bea more bc mae seemed to have more baggage with her and i wanted to solve it but i didnt know that meant i wouldnt be on the gregg route or whayever. oh well theres always next time i guess

[atlas-of-a-human-soul]

Unbreak my heart (2/2) G.D.

Summary: One fight the night before their wedding ends in tragedy when Y/N steps into oncoming traffic and is hit by a speeding car. She survives, leaving her with a rather big gap in her memory that includes the entire time she’s spent with Grayson. While he’s hoping her memories come back, Y/N isn’t quite as keen on being with a man she sees as a stranger while she struggles to reconnect her past with her present.

Based on the movie The Vow

Warnings: blood, ANGST, talk of death, infertility, fluff, sexual references, swearing, alcohol consumption, STDs and PCOS

Word count: 9220

Part one

Waking on the couch is always a disorienting feat for Grayson, but to wake up wrapped in her scent without her to keep him steady, that was worse. Immediately, Grayson felt something didn’t feel right. He knew it deep within, as if his soul had felt her go before his mind caught up. It wasn’t hard missing a yellow post-it on the remote, her handwriting recognizable.

I need time to think things through. Please don’t look for me. – Y/N

Shaking, Grayson ran to her room with blurry vision, tears robbing him of his perfect sight as he looked through her wardrobe only to find nothing was left behind. And then he stopped and smiled – nothing was left behind – not the engagement ring she still wears even though he told her she can take it off if it makes her uncomfortable and not his hoodie she favored above all. She still took pieces of him with her and while it hurt she left at all, Grayson smiled because knowing she needed him wherever she went was such a beautiful heartache that he couldn’t help himself.

And she did need time. She needed time to rediscover herself, her past, present and future. She wanted to graduate college, to mend her relationships and place herself on the path she had wanted in life. Unfortunately for Grayson, that meant she’d only see him in the gym during rehabilitation and they’d have a cup of tea after her session. He got to see her three times a week for two hours. Every time he saw her she looked healthier, happier, and more alive.

However, he knew why – it wasn’t hard to guess.

“You’re seeing Archer again, aren’t you?” He didn’t mean to accuse her nor start a fight, but he felt it in his bones. She wasn’t glowing because she was back in college, but because she was back on her ex-boyfriend.

Y/N swallowed thickly, her eyes meeting his because even if she wanted to hide what was really happening, she couldn’t do it. She had to keep an honest relationship with Grayson.

“No. But I won’t lie and say that’s not a possibility. Archer and I have a history and I need to know what went wrong.” She didn’t even try to hide it, but her tone was different – low, wavering, filled with doubt. She wasn’t keen on speaking about Archer with Grayson, mostly because she wasn’t sure she should be digging around her past with a man she was still dating in her timeline. She just couldn’t shake that feeling that there is something there that she should know and if anything, Y/N was as stubborn as they come.

But she missed Grayson, terribly so. If she could understand that, she’d be the happiest person in the world. She felt herself ache for him, his smile and his touch and those comforting words he’d whisper in her ear when she got frustrated over forgetting something. He was always so patient, so sweet and it didn’t take long for her to catch feelings. But those feelings confused her too – she didn’t know what she was to Grayson. After all, in his eyes, he’d see the woman she was and Y/N felt like an imposter. The version of her that Grayson loves is three years ahead of her in experiences she might never acquire…those experiences shaped her mind, her views and her personality – she’s the one he loves, not this confused, lost little girl who doesn’t know who to turn to.

“Why don’t you come to my parent’s house tomorrow night? I’d like you to meet them without doctors around and we could…talk?” He nodded, smiling.

Accepting that invitation would turn out to be Grayson’s worst mistake.

**

Y/N never liked doctors, hospitals made her nervous and the smell of disinfectant made her nauseous. However, regular checkups after the accident were a must and while she wasn’t quite excited about them, she knew they were a necessary evil.

“It’s been four months since it happened. I thought I’d have my memories back by now.” She complained, chiefly because she wanted to remember Grayson. She hoped it would help her move on from him and stop him from being a new what-if in her life. It had become abundantly clear to her that she will never be the woman he fell in love with originally and she knew it would be a matter of time until he does too. She couldn’t wait for him to leave her first, so she did it herself, yet she still gravitates toward him.

Putting his notes aside, the doctor took a seat beside her, his eyes slightly narrowed at her as if he’s studying her, reading her mind.

“Do you want to regain your memory?” Her doctor raised an eyebrow, wondering if perhaps her memory loss has something to do with psychology.

“Yes.” She was aware her response wasn’t quite affirmative, mostly because she had so many possible scenarios in her head that she was concerned one of the bad ones would come to life.

“Because some patients fear that when their memory comes back, so will the memory of the trauma, but mercifully that's rarely the case.” The doctor informed, but Y/N’s concern wasn’t about the accident itself, rather what happened before it.

“Oh, no, that's not it. I'm... I'm... I'm not afraid of the accident.” She stumbled over her words, fidgeting nervously with Grayson’s engagement ring. For some reason, every time she took it off it just felt wrong. It felt like a body part missing kind of wrong and it brought her sorrow. She couldn’t part with the ring. That ring was a perfect outlet for her anxiety, both comforting and strangely familiar. It had represented her current self and her former self – the ring being given to her by Grayson and the ring’s design being exactly what she dreamed of.

“So, what are you afraid of?”

“I guess I just...I don't know. It's...I mean, what if I don't like the life that I had? Or what if I like it too much and I can’t have it again?” Twirling the ring, Y/N kept her eyes on her hands, unable to look the doctor in the eye again. Her mind is tormented with possibilities, but her heart is torn between two men, each holding a candle to a different life. “You can still decide you want a different life, but if you don't at least open yourself up to remembering, I'm afraid you're gonna live in fear of your own past and you could miss a lot of beautiful things as well.”

**

Y/N still couldn’t get used to sleeping in her old room, the pink of her walls driving her insane just as much as the memory of Grayson and how he’d always come in and wish her sweet dreams before he went to bed. She couldn’t wrap her mind around how her life with him must have been, nor how it came crashing down for him when she woke up.

It didn’t hurt her and her world didn’t turn upside down like his did – she can’t hurt over something she doesn’t remember, but she knew it must be hell for him. It’s why she brought her diaries with her when she left. She didn’t read a single page of the books she hid with her old diaries in the vent of her room, but she felt at ease knowing she could come back to it if she wished.

For now, she was trying not to use cheat sheets and figure everything out on her own.

At times, she could swear there were bits and pieces of her memories coming back to her. For instance, when she was taking a walk with Grayson and he flashed her a smile and the sun hit him just right, she saw a flash of the same smile under the same sun, somewhere in the desert. The memory gave her a warm and fuzzy feeling, but she didn’t see anything but the desert and his smile. It was barely a memory. However, when she would walk in the street at night and the headlights blinded her, she got a different feeling – overwhelming sadness followed by absolute horror. She didn’t know where she could place that snippet of her memory, but her theory was that she saw the moment before the car hit her. She understood the fear, but she didn’t understand the sadness that chained itself around her heart before.

No matter what she remembered, she still didn’t know if her waking up from the coma was a blessing or a curse. A part of her wonders if Grayson would have rather she died than to have her live and not be able to do the simplest thing such as hold her hand without being afraid she might reject him. She wondered if he wished he never met her at all.

Sighing, she decided this wasn’t a day to sleep in – not when she was to see Grayson that night. In fact, she had someone else to see that morning, so she heads out.

“Why did we break up?” She didn’t bother with pleasantries as she walked into Archer’s office, flustered from walking up the stairs because waiting for the elevator was maddening. She never had much patience for waiting.

“Uh…you broke up with me.” Archer closed the file on his desk before standing up, walking over to the girl who seemed a little too lost compared to the girl he used to know. He wasn’t holding back around her, not anymore. He placed a finger on her chin, lifting her head so he could look into her eyes with his captivating clouded ones. She loved those eyes, absolutely adored them – blue as the sky on a good day, cloudy like a storm when he’s conflicted. However, she wasn’t quite as drawn to them as she used to. She wasn’t enchanted with them nor did she lose her head over them…she found her taste has changed and the feelings she missed with Archer in this moment have been proven present when she looked in Grayson’s eyes. It’s as if her heart remembers, even if her mind doesn’t.

“You left me and I never got an explanation that would satisfy me.” Archer frowned, his forehead creasing – the only true sign time passed since she last saw him as her boyfriend. His looks didn’t change much except his hair is shorter now and he’s got a few wrinkles, stamps of a life lived. But there was something else she noticed – his nose crinkled as he spoke, his tell – Archer is lying to her and she still doesn’t know why.

“And you just let me walk away? No explanation, nothing?” Bitterness dripping in her tone, Y/N was fighting the urge to slap his hand away. She wasn’t too happy with how comfortable he’s become with her, too comfortable considering she supposedly just abandoned him.

“You’re the most stubborn, willful woman I’ve ever met. I knew you’d never come back if I begged, only on your own accord. I suppose fate still sent you my way.” Archer’s lips twitched, pulling into a crooked smile as he leaned closer, his lips hovering over hers.

“You’re calling my head injury fate?” She scoffed, placing her right hand on his chest before shoving him away. She definitely didn’t want to kiss him right now. In her head, it’s been about four months since she kissed him, but in reality, at least three years have passed and while she used to go crazy if she didn’t feel his lips every day, she didn’t feel the urge to reconnect now.

“I didn’t mean it that way. But had you not gone through what you did, I’d still be alone and suffering while my mind was always on you…and you’d be with that Dolan guy, married by now. You can’t blame me for being happy about having your back in my life.” Archer deadpanned, holding fast to his previous words, arguing it like a lawyer would.

“Don’t forget about the party tonight, okay? And be on your best behavior because that ‘DOLAN GUY’ is invited and I don’t want there to be any trouble.” She turned on her heel and left Archer in the office, his fists clenched at his sides as he stared at the closed door menacingly.

**

Grayson wasn’t nervous. He was nervous on his first day of school or when he first posted a YouTube video with his brother or when he met Y/N, but this? This goes beyond nervous and he knows that once he rings that bell, there’s no going back from it.

He’s already sweating through his fancy suit, the one she convinced him to buy when they decided to go to a museum for their second date, the one she told him he looks dashing in. His tie feels too tight, choking him, but he wanted to make a good impression on the people her family is friends with. He always knew her parents weren’t exactly rich, but they still had an impressive amount of rich friends and a big house that looked a lot like a ten million dollar mansion.

Clearing his throat, Grayson let out a long sigh, pressing the doorbell with confidence. It didn’t take long for her beautiful face to come into view as the door opened barely twenty seconds after he’d run the bell – he counted.

She lit up at the sight, looking him up and down with an extremely pleasant look on her face before her eyes met his and the feeling in his gut that something was wrong disappeared.

“Looking very dashing, Mr. Dolan.” She complimented in a faux British accent before they both burst out laughing and for a moment she felt that odd feeling again, like she had lived this moment once before, as if she could see the same suit on him in a mirror reflexion, her arms wrapped around his middle.

“I thought I should dress up.” Grayson stepped closer, taking her hand in his so delicately slow that she felt her cheeks darken instantly, her lips pursing in order to stop a smile from forming as he brought the back of her hand up to his lips, pressing them softly against her warm skin.

“You look dapper in everything.” She admitted shyly, her heart soaring when she feels him smile against her skin, lifting his head up, her hand remaining in his so casually as if it’s her natural habitat. She didn’t feel the need to retract it, not even a little. In fact, she gave his hand a light squeeze, pulling him inside with her.

“Champagne?” One of the waiters offers to Grayson, but Grayson and Y/N both wave him off at the same time, saying he doesn’t drink champagne simultaneously.

“How did you know?” Grayson bit his lower lip anxiously, hoping she was remembering and maybe that’s why she’s behaving so much like his fiancé on this night. He wanted it to be true, but he had no strength in him to hope for much anymore.

“I don’t know. I guess it’s…muscle memory?” She used an excuse and they both knew it. But she didn’t lie, Grayson knew that much. She was clearly confused herself, but he didn’t want to overwhelm her.

“How’s Ethan? Cameron?” She wasn’t making small talk, in fact, Y/N genuinely wanted to know about the family. She often had doubts about how close she could have been with his siblings because it was clear from the way they behaved around her in the hospital that she should be more than just acquainted with them.

“Good. Actually, Ethan’s always asking about you and Cameron is…well, she’s running her bar and loving every minute of it.”

“OH. I’m glad. I’ve been thinking about calling them lately, but I didn’t know if that would be weird or not.” She didn’t miss the big smile on his face as she told him of her secret plans, knowing that it would make him feel better about her moving away from home, his house. She often had to remind herself to call it his house. And Grayson nearly jumped in his glee, too happy about it because it meant she still cared – if she was still willing to deal with his crazy siblings, she was still inside, the woman who told him she loves him two weeks into meeting him.

While Grayson was busy picking out a perfect flower to buy for her, Y/N was lost in him. She barely knew this man, but she spent every day of the past two weeks of her unexpected vacation by his side and she was so sure, so completely convinced in what her heart was telling her. Y/N wasn’t much of a romantic nor did she believe in love at first sight, but with Grayson, all those beliefs shattered for she did fall for him, almost instantly. It didn’t go slowly as it usually does, where two humans get together occasionally and talk. For Y/N, falling in love with Grayson felt like jumping off a cliff into the unknown with utter certainty he’d be at the bottom with his arms open to cushion the fall. She trusted him so easily, so fully that she didn’t know if she was losing her mind or finally finding sanity.

“I love you.” She stated easily, openly, without reserve, so much so Grayson felt his heart bruise as it jumped abruptly in response.

“You do?” He turned to her fully, his warm eyes boring into hers as his lips fell open in order to breathe because the amount of air he got through his nose wasn’t nearly enough for this.

“Yeah. I do. You don’t have to say anything, just…I thought you should know.” She shrugged awkwardly, her hands slipping into the back pockets of her jeans, her heart hammering inside her chest.

“I know it’s too soon and all and we’re both mental most likely, but I love you too.” She didn’t get a chance to say much as she felt his lips upon hers, his hands gripping her hips to pull her closer.

“Do you mind if I leave you for a bit? I need to pee so bad.” She whispered the last part, making him smile. She was never shy to admit when she had to go.

“It’s a normal, human need Grayson. Why should I feel embarrassed about having to pee? Everyone does it…if they’re healthy. I hope everyone does it because if they’re not, I feel really fucking bad that they can’t.” She mumbled through the bathroom door, the ones he closed after she ran past him like a madwoman, not even caring he’s there. Moving in five months into a relationship was a big step, but even when she was rambling about having to pee and how normal that is, Grayson knew it was the real deal. She was his soulmate…even when she talks about pee.

In need of some fresh air, Grayson walked out front, looking up at the sky with his hands in his pockets. He had a lot of reservations about showing up that night, but being there? It felt good. Being with her felt good.

“Leaving so soon?”

Grayson turned halfway to the door, finding a handsome man in a white tuxedo looking straight at him. It didn’t take him long to place that face with the guy who drove Y/N home that night she left their home and it definitely didn’t take him long to narrow his eyes at the guy who clearly had a superiority complex.

“No. Not going anywhere until Y/N tells me to.” Grayson wasn’t talking about the party only, they both knew it. While he may be in a less than desirable position right now, Grayson held onto hope he saw whenever he’d look at her hand and find his engagement ring on her finger. Even without her memories and them being anything but together, Y/N wearing his ring was the last bit of hope he had.

“Pretty sure she meant that the moment she left your ass. I mean…she’s got me now, so it’s time for you to crawl back into the hole you came out of.” Archer stepped down a few stairs, a smug smirk on his lips. He looked so good – good enough to punch. But Grayson promised her he’d never use violence as his first reaction.

“Yeah? Because she told me that when she was with you, she would wake up at night in a panic, thinking, ‘Is this all there is?’” Grayson wasn’t a cocky guy but he was definitely defensive. Perhaps it’s the insecurities and doubts he’s got about his relationship with Y/N or it’s just about hating this guy who acted like Y/N was his property, but Grayson wanted to shut his mouth. He wanted to put him in his place because even if Y/N didn’t remember why they were over now, Grayson was sure it was an unforgivable reason for she was never the type to quit on people.

“Wow. She told you everything, huh?” Archer raised an eyebrow, stuffing his hands into his pockets, cocking his head as Grayson hummed in response with an arrogant smirk of his own.

“Mmm-hmm.” He could tell some of the guests have noticed the small argument and have been looking at them through the window in expectation of a dramatic turn. Grayson told himself he wouldn’t let it get to that.

“Did she tell you that she threw herself at me the other day? Did she tell you that? Hmm? Or did she stop telling you everything when she forgot who the hell you were?” Getting into Grayson’s face, Archer was more than ready to cause damage. He wanted to provoke Grayson, to get him to crack. He wanted Grayson gone.

“Look, I get why you're being such a dick. You obviously love her, and you think you're gonna get her back. But the thing is, she outgrew you. What makes you think that won't happen again?” Grayson’s well-meaning advice fell on deaf ears. Archer didn’t care, in his mind, he had already won.

“Thank you for that advice. I will mull it over while I'm in bed, fucking your fiancé.” Grayson wasn’t even aware of his actions. In this moment, his spirit, his mind had abandoned his body that acted on its own accord. It felt like an out of body experience, watching himself make a great mistake as he threw his body weight behind the fist that edged closer to Archer’s face, hitting his jaw with such force that blood pooled into his mouth upon contact. The sickening crunch had sounded in his head, like a satisfying melody, but the pleasure didn’t last long as Y/N joined them, utterly shocked at the scene she encountered.

“What the hell are you doing?!” Y/N screamed at him, running down the stairs with a horrified look in her eyes as she stopped beside Archer who fell back on his ass after a single punch. Grayson couldn’t help but chuckle dryly when he noticed her worry is aimed at Archer instead of him.

“Go, get it cleaned.” She whispered to Archer who managed to smirk wickedly at Grayson as he retreated, guests following inside.

“What was that Grayson?” She folded her arms over her chest, the cold making her shiver. He’d offer her his jacket but with the fury and disappointment pooling in her eyes, Grayson knew he wasn’t wanted here any longer.

“I don't know. That's a really good question because I have been driving myself insane, making a complete ass of myself! Literally trying everything possible to try to save what we have. And you've been throwing yourself at Archer.” He didn’t mean to raise his voice nor make her flinch like he did, but Grayson was lost. He had no other way to hide his frustration and he lost his patience completely when that man had the audacity to speak about her like she was a common whore.

“That's not fair. You don’t have a monopoly on pain, Grayson! We’re both hurting and we’re both placed in an impossible situation.” Her voice shakes as she looks away, unable to watch this heartbreak unravel. It breaks her too, for she loves Grayson. She truly does and while she doesn’t understand the feelings that have accumulated so fast, she knows they’re there and they won’t ever be returned. His love is reserved for the girls he once was.

“It's not fair? I see the way you look at him. I know, because you used to look at me that way.” Grayson didn’t hold back with her either. He was tired of watching his mouth because he was afraid something he says might hurt her. He was hurting too.

“Please, just stop. Okay? Stop! I’m not her! I’m not the girl you used to love. I’m not the girl who made those memories with you, alright? I tried! I tried to remember, looking at those photos and imagining what happened when they were taken to make you happy, but it won’t happen. God, I wanted to remember so bad, because I can see you’re hurting. I’m sure I loved you very much Grayson, but I’m not her. And you gotta stop doing this to me. I can’t be around you anymore! Not while you have that look in your eyes! That adoring, hopeful, loving look I’m sure I used to be mesmerized by, but it only brings me pain now! I need you to let me go. Can you do that for me? If you love me, just let me go.”

“Okay.” He says quietly, his eyes turning glossy as the pain hits him over and over again. It’s not his pain alone, but hers as well. The thought of him being the cause behind her anguish had destroyed him inside, leaving him desolate. She can barely see him with tears in her eyes, annoyingly pricking them with the cheap mascara she just put on in the bathroom – she wanted to look good for him, to have the luscious eyelashes that draw the guy’s attention…it’s silly, but she wanted Grayson to see she’s making an effort to look good for him.

“Can I....Can I just kiss you before I go? Just once? One last time...please?” His desperation doesn’t make it any easier on Y/N, mostly because she’s wanted to kiss him for the longest time as well.

Nodding, she comes closer to him, placing each hand on the side on his face. He stilled as she pressed herself to him and lifted her lips to his. Their lips met. And fused. Hungrily. She felt his hands lock around her waist. Her invitation, her acceptance, shook Grayson down to his very soul; he only just managed not to crush her to him. He kissed her deeply, searchingly, evocatively—and felt her flaring response. He tempted her, taunted her to stay, to cross every boundary. Through his shirt, her palms branded him, but he felt her ease up on the kiss – he felt her move away from him.

They part, both breathless and saddened. Deep inside, both Y/N and Grayson expected it to turn out as a fairytale, where a true love’s kiss brings her memories back and they live happily ever after. But it didn’t. It only made them hurt more.

“Grayson, I...” She fluttered her eyes open, wishing she could stay. She wished she could stick with him so badly that her entire being screamed his name, but she couldn’t. Not now. It would be too toxic for both of them – Grayson would always see her as his Y/N, the woman he was supposed to marry and Y/N would drown in his expectations. She couldn’t do that to either of them.

“No, I think we need to start being realistic. Your memory's not coming back. The fact is that I'm still just a stranger to you.” Grayson’s dejected, unraveling slowly as he felt his last bit of hope shatter when she opened his palm and placed her engagement ring in it with such reluctance that he could sense it without a word spoken.

“I'm not trying to hurt you. But I'm just... I'm so tired of disappointing you.” She wept openly, staring at the ring until he closed his hand around it. It’s silly just how connected she felt to that ring, how incredibly hard it was to take it off, even harder to give it back to him.

“I know.” Grayson smiled for her benefit, pressing a kiss to her temple one last time before turning around, sniffling. He walked away into the night as she stared at his disappearing figure, her tears ruining what was left of her make up. She didn’t know if she made the right choice for herself, but it was the right choice for him. Grayson would never have the old her back and it would turn him bitter in time. She couldn’t expect him to sit around while she struggled with her own demons.

She loved him enough to let him go.

**

“She’s gone? Really gone?” Ethan stared blankly at Grayson who called in a family support meeting at Cameron’s bar, desperate to have someone around. He didn’t trust himself that night. He played with the ring she gave back, looking at that piece of jewelry that meant the end for a love he wanted to keep for the rest of his life.

“Yeah. Even gave me the ring back.” Grayson placed the ring on the bar, taking a shot to down. He wasn’t much of a drinker, but that night demanded drinks to survive.

“Take it. One of you will have some use of it.” Grayson slammed the shot glass against the bar, nearly breaking it in his hand. He was already so angry and the worst part is that he saw it coming. He knew he had lost her the moment she opened her eyes and looked at him like he was the devil instead of her angel.

“Oh, I can be bad!” Grayson exclaimed, sending a dart flying straight for the bullseye. Y/N rolled her eyes before turning to all three Dolan siblings, her eyebrow raised.

“You? Bad? Cameron is literally the baddest among you, Ethan is a fucking butterfly tamer and you’re a dainty angel. You guys need to learn from your sister!”

“And that just earned you free booze!” Cameron snickered, pouring a full glass of tequila for her favorite soon to be sister in law.

“You sure you need more booze? I’d rather you not break my damn bar.” Cameron took the empty glasses, sliding the ring into her pocket as well. She didn’t want Grayson to do something he might regret and that ring was still important to him…to Y/N too, if she had to bet on it.

“When we met, it took her two weeks to tell me she loves me.” Grayson chuckled dryly, still in disbelief. “It’s been five months and I’m just a stranger to her. I’m a footnote in her and Archer’s love story. I’m the guy who ends up being tossed aside and the funny thing is…I never thought I’d ever feel sorry for Archer like I do now. I get how that asshole felt when I got with her.” Groaning, Grayson lowers his head on the bar, closing his eyes as the alcohol takes effect and numbs the pain – not entirely, just enough to get through the night.

“I’ll get him home.” Ethan sighs, struggling to get Grayson to his feet.

“Grayson, this feels like the end of your world. I get it. But don’t let it actually end your world.” Cameron whispers, leaving a quick kiss atop his head before Ethan guided him out.

**

Y/N found herself dealing with yet another sleepless night. Images of Grayson’s teary eyes had engraved themselves into her mind, there to remind her of just how much pain she caused him. She wished she could unbreak his heart, but the damage is done and she has to deal with her choices now.

No longer running from her past, Y/N fished her diaries out of the vents, searching for a very specific set of dates. She didn’t have to read much about the ones she wrote while she was with Grayson, very aware she loved him, but she had questions about how she felt in the days that she deemed as their last as a couple…but also about her last days spent in her parent’s house.

She surely got her answers.

Walking out of her room, she found her father sitting by the fire, drinking his scotch as always. She hated how much he loved his alcohol, even more so, she hated what he had done to her.

“How could you?” She didn’t yell nor shed a tear, simply shaking her head at her father who didn’t try to fight her on it. In a way, he knew that once she found out that he’d have to face her again. She was angry but disappointed most of all.

“You two were perfect together. I didn’t want a mistake to separate you.” He sold her the same excuse he did the first time around, coldly and without empathy. He had been so blinded by the business deals a union like theirs would bring their family that he cared more about the marriage happening than his daughter’s happiness.

“A mistake? Archer has cheated on me more than once! HE GAVE ME CHLAMYDIA!” Now she was yelling. She was shaking in her rage, unable to believe that she had let her father, her mother and Archer fuck with her head so much. She let them do this to her twice. She let her guard down even when Grayson asked her not to…the only one who actually cared about her was Grayson. She knew that now.

“At least I know why I left now. And you’ll know why I’m leaving again.”

She didn’t wait for morning to pack, gathering whatever she had before taking her old car and driving off. She couldn’t go to Grayson, not after their conversation that night. She had asked him to let her go and he did. He walked away, exhausted from months of trying to win her over and she wished she could tell him he managed to do just fine. She wished she could see his smile and feel his warm hands on her body. But Y/N had known the truth now too. She knew what she did…she knew what the sadness she felt that night truly meant.

“Out of all the bars in the world, you walk into mine? After closing?” Cameron raised an eyebrow, looking at the disheveled girl she considered a sister.

“The service here is impeccable.” Y/N forced a smile, pushing down tears as she took a chair and shrugged. “I remembered where you hold your spare key.” And her eyes watered again. No matter how hard she tried, the tears kept coming. She could remember the most random things, but she still couldn’t remember Grayson? She still didn’t know why it felt like her world burned down even before she learned of the betrayal her parents and Archer kept alive.

“Cool. Want a drink?” Cameron slid a glass over to her, pouring a glass of orange juice instead of alcohol in her glass. She felt the incredulous look Y/N gave her before she even saw it, smirking.

“What? You’re not drinking booze until you get some memories back and your brain heals.”

Nodding, Y/N took a sip. Orange juice is her favorite, something all Dolan siblings seem to be aware of.

“I’m looking for a place to live. Know anything good around here?” Y/N spoke between sips, trying to avoid Cameron’s lingering stare.

“Yeah. Your house. My house. Ethan’s house. Take your pick.” Somehow, Y/N knew that would be her answer. She knew Cameron was a sassy person by nature, always ready with a witty comeback or a sarcastic remark. Deep down, she knew that’s why she liked the eldest Dolan.

“I was thinking something along a ‘no roommate’ situation. I, uh, found out a lot of things tonight. Why I haven’t spoken to my family in years and why Archer and I broke up…why I felt heartbroken when I saw those headlights blind me right before the car hit me.” Y/N gnawed on the inside of her lip before meeting Cameron’s questioning gaze, determined to let someone in. She needed a friend and she trusted Dolan siblings. She just knew she could trust them.

“Archer cheated on me…more than once…gave me chlamydia which is how I found out. My parents covered for him for two years.” Y/N took another sip of her juice, her mouth too dry.

“Wait, what?” Y/N sat up once the news registered, shaking with rage.

“I came here because I had some pain and thought I had a bladder infection, not because of an STD! I’ve only ever been with one guy and we’re supposed to be…” That’s when she realized the truth, knowing that her oh-so-perfect-Archer is anything but. He is cheating and she’s paying the price.

“I’m going to kill him.”

Days later, she cut ties with her family and Archer, packing her things and going on a spur of a moment trip to Las Vegas where she’ll meet Grayson Dolan. That’s when her life truly began – filled with love, trust, such beauty he had shown her, petty fights and sleepless nights filled with passion.

“But I…I also know that I dropped quite a bombshell on Grayson that night. Turns out I’ve known for two months that I can’t have kids.” Y/N drew in a shaky breath, finding it ironic she went into the office thinking she’s pregnant only to find out she can never have kids.

“I’m sorry, but it was a false positive.” The doctors gave her a sympathetic smile, but the look in her eyes was all too familiar. She knew that look – pity, something she last saw when the doctor accidentally revealed Archer is a lying cheater.

“But there’s more, isn’t there? You did all those extra tests and then you called me down here to tell me the news because there’s something more, right?” Y/N wasn’t a fool and while she wanted the supposed pregnancy to be a surprise to Grayson, a man who had wanted kids more than anything in life and she wanted the same with him, for him, as long as they were together. She felt so alone right now, regretting not inviting someone along with her. She wished she had someone to hold her hand because the news she’d receive felt life-changing in a way, a bad way – the worst way.

“I’m so sorry to tell you, but with your history of polycystic ovaries and chlamydia that went untreated for so long, the infection had spread on the rest of your reproductive system and damaged it irreversibly. Both your…” And while the doctor tried to explain exactly how Archer and her parents made sure she’d never have a child of her own, Y/N drifted off. She twirled her engagement ring religiously as her focused on Grayson and the way he’d look at her when she tells him the truth. After all, being a father is something he always wanted to be. Being a father is something he talks about so often that even she can’t imagine anything other than that in his future. She loves him…too much. She loved him so much that this is tearing her apart more than it would had she not wanted to mother his children. She never liked kids, but she wanted to have kids – his kids. They always told one another their love was forever – something that can’t be broken or taken away, but for the first time in their time together, Y/N had started to doubt that promise.

Maybe then he'd leave, maybe she was destined to be alone; no husband, no kids. She spent so long in denial that she convinced herself she could go ahead with this marriage without telling him the truth, but she couldn’t, she knew that after he had caught her crying her eyes out so many times without an answer, or when he’d ramble about his friend’s baby or about the babies he imagines they’ll have. She couldn’t do that to him, so she decided to tell the truth – even if it dragged on to the very night before their wedding.

“Apparently my ovaries are so bad that they’re beyond help. Polycystic ovarian syndrome that matched with chlamydia I got from Archer which went untreated for months that helped start a greater infection so bad that both my tubes were affected and are kind of blocked. So yeah…They said I have options and all that crap, but the point is that I knew for months and I never told him…I was going to tell him that night which is what I assume happened.”

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” Grayson’s mouth opened, his eyebrows furrowing until his scar crinkled under the pressure.

“I wanted to. I was so scared you’d leave me and…having kids is your dream. I didn’t know how to tell you I might be why you never get that dream or that you have to choose.” Y/N’s shaky hand reached for Grayson’s only to find him pulling away, not even looking her in the eye. “And I knew you’d choose me and I knew that once Ethan and Cameron start having their kids that you’ll get more distant in time and you’ll be bitter and you’ll hold it against me! So, I’m sorry If I wanted to live in a happy bubble for a little while longer.” She wiped her tears away, breaking when her angel refused to meet her gaze.

“Will you…leave?” She was afraid to ask and even more afraid of what the response will be. She loved him so much that the thought of a life without him tore her apart.

“I don’t know, okay? You told me something pretty big here and I need to adjust…I need to think…to…I don’t even know what. This is so fucking messed up!” Standing so abruptly from the table, Grayson tried to move past Y/N who had already grabbed onto his arm, trying to stop him long enough to apologize once again. She wanted to tell him she loves him, that she never thought happiness she experienced with him was a real possibility in life.

He didn’t listen as he walked out with her in tow. She was desperately holding on.

“I’m sorry. Grayson, please, please, please stop. Just talk to me, okay? Talk to me like you did when we first met, okay? Like that day when you so fiercely spoke your mind and I fell in love with it, with you.” Holding on for dear life to an aggravated Grayson, Y/N knew she should have let him be. He asked for space and she should have given it to him, but her fear of losing him spiked and she couldn’t stop herself. She wished she did because not even a second after, he did what he usually does…just not with her...he spoke in anger, spewing a lie he didn’t even mean.

“I wish we never met.”

Funny enough, he got his wish. Grayson forgot about the golden BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR, BECAUSE YOU JUST MIGHT GET IT rule. After he spoke those words, it was just like that – like they were strangers again for in her head, she had never met him and he was doomed to suffer for he couldn’t forget the day he met her.

Cameron looked shocked once Y/N confessed to the entire memory lane, including that she thought she was pregnant, turning Cameron into an unusually emotional mess, her own emotions rattled. While Y/N didn’t remember the details of the fight, she definitely knew what caused it. She was just wrong about it being why she stepped into oncoming traffic in her sorrowful daze. Y/N didn’t know what Grayson really said and a part of Cameron was relieved.

“You definitely need a real drink.”

**

Almost five months later, Y/N found herself in a winter wonderland that’s New York. She’s always been annoyed with snow, but this year felt different. She knew that snow may not be her favorite, but it was certainly Grayson’s.

Yes, she got some of her memories back, still only snippets and pieces she’d sometimes dream about. For instance, she knew now that the desert images that came back to her earlier were actually about the day she met Grayson. She remembered more than just his smile…she remembered the whole day. Another thing she remembered was when she told him she loves him for the first time and that she heard him respond in the same breath he used to seal their love with a kiss. She did have some of her memories back, but not enough. She could never have enough.

So, wandering the street, Y/N steered herself into Central Park. It’s where Grayson took her every winter after he moved back into the city. She may have met him just outside Las Vegas when he was there to film a video, but she was always stationed in New York and he joined her rather fast after that. She couldn’t help but smile to herself as she remembered when she went ice skating with Grayson for the first time, both of them wiping out because they had invented a silly game of catch…and he did catch her, only it was by an accidental tackle. Regardless, it’s where he proposed to her a year after.

Y/N didn’t like winter, but she always liked ice skating in the Central park after that. It had become like a tradition – the night before Ethan and Grayson’s birthday, the pair would come and skate right before closing time. It was a tradition she remembered and had to honor to help soothe her tortured soul.

Little did she know, someone else had felt the need to do the same.

The moment she stepped onto the ice, finding the rink completely empty, Y/N noticed it wasn’t quite vacant. A figure laid in the middle of the rink, unmoving as he stared up at the night sky, at the snowflakes pouring down on him. She couldn’t tell who it was, not with such distance but Y/N felt it in her heart.

She knew it would be him.

Stopping in the center, she laid beside the man who didn’t even hear her approaching. She could tell he’d been there for a while longer than she was, his nose red and in need of warmth. Whenever her nose was cold, he’d let her hide her face in the crook of his neck and warm herself despite feeling like she had placed an icicle against his carotid.

She wished she could do that now.

“A beautiful night, huh?” She decided to speak up, unaware he truly didn’t realize he has company. Jumping up, Grayson’s hand clutched his chest, his wide eyes settled on hers in an instant. She could see the terror drain from his chocolate brown eyes, replacing it with confusion, happiness, softness, and warmth – a look she got used to receiving from him.

“I, uh…Hi!” Grayson chuckled, unsure what to do with himself or this situation. He hadn’t expected to see her ever again and a part of him questioned his sanity right now. He wasn’t sure if she was a hypothermia induced hallucination or an angel that came to collect his soul. He definitely didn’t think she was real.

“I didn’t mean to scare you Bailey, I just…I guess I remembered this tradition we have and I couldn’t let that go.” She shrugged, averting her gaze to his red hands, certain he’s freezing right now. Without any restraint, Y/N wrapped her gloved hands around his, sharing some of her warmth with him.

“Remembered?” Is all he could say with his chattering teeth getting in the way, his heart drunk on happiness once he heard her say his middle name. He didn’t know if she did it on purpose for they had told each other it would be a code word in case she got her memories back, or if it was by chance, something purely on instinct. But the way she smirked at him, Grayson knew she had used it with a purpose.

“Yeah. I’ve gotten some of the memories back. Some I’m not even sure are memories or maybe dreams, but I’m working on figuring it out.” She smiled softly, her lips quivering from the cold as well. But she didn’t run as she cussed out the winter or snow, she simply pulled herself closer to him, praying he doesn’t pull away.

“Oh. Any good ones?” Grayson mentally facepalmed, shaking his own head at the stupid question he asked, hating just how awkward he is around her. She’s finally there by his side, almost a year since the accident had taken her from him. He wanted to hug her, kiss her, tell her he still loves her, but he waited for her to give him a sign. He refused to break his promise of letting her go without her asking him to.

“Just ask someone else out. Find a girl and tell her she’s cute and then bang her.” Ethan explained like it was the easiest thing in the world. He knew Grayson was suffering and his solution was to get him through it with one night stands.

“Not gonna happen, bro. I’m not ready to get over her. I need time and getting laid is the last thing on my mind.”

Grayson didn’t move on, even though he thought about it. He just couldn’t do it and so, instead of burying himself between some strange girl’s legs, he decided to bury himself in work. He spent a lot of his time on the road as well, worried he might run into Y/N in the city…or worse, run into her and Archer.

“Obviously good ones…I’m here, aren’t I?” Grayson relished in the light tone she used and the sweetness behind her coy smile. He was struggling to keep his eyes on her before, afraid he’d see her and his progress would fall apart, but seeing her now…it reminded him why he loved her in the first place. It was never about the accident or her forgetting him, but about him remembering her as she was and accepting who she is – and she did change, but there was still a lot of the old her inside and he saw her again in perfect light.

“You’re not home with Archer. In Manhattan.” It was more as if he was telling himself that, reassuring himself this moment was real and when her smile fell, Grayson knew this wasn’t a hallucination…she’d never be unhappy in his hallucinations or dreams – he always painted her joyful and light.

“Moved out the same night I asked you to…” She stopped as if the words are too painful to say out loud, like the notion of what she asked had toyed with her sanity for a long time now.

“Um, I’m living close by. Finished my classes and I’m working in a private clinic. And I’ve been working on my memories. I know there’s a lot of holes left to fill, but some of them are quite clear inside my head…like when we met…or when I told you I loved you two weeks into knowing each other.” Giggling, Y/N sniffled, letting out a puffy breath into the night.

“So, you do remember.” Grayson turned to her, wanting nothing more than to hold her close right now. What he hoped to hear for so long had started coming true and while it’s slow, he was ready to be patient with her again. He would wait and he would care and most of all, he’d love her – old her, new her, any version of her.

“It’s not a lot, but it’s a start. But even without those memories, I knew I loved you, Grayson. I knew it even as I was asking you to go…I think I knew since we got home and you gave me your hoodie to wear that first night…I know you think I didn’t wear it, but I slept in it every night. It was like my comfort blanket. The scent was familiar and I clung to it.”

“And you love me now?” Grayson angled his head to the left, waiting for an affirmative answer. But she pulled away, taking her warm hands with her. Grayson felt his heart drop just as she started taking her glove off, the left one, only to reveal a ring…the engagement ring.

“Cameron gave it to me that same night I gave it back to you. Never took it off.” Y/N admitted sheepishly, matching Grayson’s wide smile with one of her own. If it were up to him, he’d be screaming at the top of his lungs, running around in circles with a wide smile on his lips, hugging her so tightly she might break, but he was scared he’d hurt her or frighten her and that it might push her away.

“Where do we go from here then?” Grayson inched closer, his neck craning to reach her lips.

“We could go on a date or…go home and watch movies? It is Friday night after all and your birthday is in a few hours too.” She shrugged, smiling as she anticipated the touch of his lips upon hers.

“Well, Friday night is movie night. But better be prepared for my whole family descending upon us in the morning.” Grayson smiled, his lips hovering over hers as she narrowed her eyes at him in a playful manner.

“You mean our family?” Y/N raised an eyebrow, knowing she’ll let him in without overthinking this. Fate had lead them to each other on this special night and she wasn’t interested in fighting destiny. Serendipity was always her favorite movie for a reason.  

“I can work with that.” But she couldn’t wait any longer for his kiss, stealing those few inches of distance from Grayson with fervor.

And while Y/N never got all her memories back, she made new ones with the man she loved. After all, love heals our brains. Love develops the prefrontal cortex and enables us to make wise choices, without it, humans are like permanent partial-drunks thinking ourselves fully sober. They healed each other, fully opened to one another. We are born to love and with all the necessary courage to walk the path to it, no matter the roughness, no matter the hardship. They’ve walked a road not many have faced, survived obstacles weaker loves have shattered on, but their love simply grew stronger, sturdier, lasting.

Rehashing the past, falling victim to the whispers of the ghosts left behind is never we should allow. And yes, sometimes we need the past to learn from our mistakes, but when your present is good, look towards the future and keep hold of what makes you steady, loved, protected.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~           ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~           ~ * ~ * ~ *

Tags: @dolandolll​​ @beinscorpio​​ @godlydolans​​ @peacedolantwins​​ @dolanstwintuesday​​ @heyits-claire​  @jjustjoy​  @sltwins​

[brianc521]

For the Love of Books

13k+ words of CEO/Bookworm

It’s been a rough week. A long, dark, rough week. With not being able to afford the electric bill, all that was left for you to do was shut down for the week. If you can’t read in the dark, then how were you supposed to buy books in the dark?

While it wasn’t making you money you also weren’t losing any either, that was the double edged sword you were fighting with. You hated it, as the owner of the families bookstore, being closed for a week was not what you wanted. Especially since you were the first family member who has had to do so.

Your Pa left the store to you when he passed away four years ago. It was his Mama’s before him, she left it to him much the same as he left it to you. It was a shock to the family when The Will read out that it was yours, and yours solely until the day you decided to bring in someone else.

It created a pretty big rift in the family, your Mom and Aunt believing that it should have been theirs, but to be honest, you weren’t shocked. It had been a discussion your Pa had with you before he made the decision. He wanted to make sure that you actually wanted the store, and that you could handle the backlash of you receiving it.

Cornered Pages was only your entire childhood. While you’re Mom claimed she loved the store, you would live there if you could. With a single Mom, working at a diner during the day and the local bar at night, left you to growing up with your Pa since he watched you while your Mom worked. He raised you off chapters and new arrivals. Your weekends were book signings and cutting bookmarks.

So having to close for a week was not only disappointing to yourself and your Pa’s legend, it also automatically made you the families disappointment because you couldn’t keep the doors open.

“I want to seriously talk about it,” Shawn shrugs as he sits across from you at the dining room table.

Shawn Mendes, 21 year old multimillionaire of his very own Mendes Printing. Also sort of known as your boyfriend of 2 years.

**flashback**

You were freaking out, literally pacing the bathroom as you whispered yelled at Lauren.

Lauren had been dating Connor since high school, but since he started his new job he had started hanging out with some new people. One of his closest friends was Shawn, and when Lauren met Shawn she set you two up almost immediately.

But now, here you are, dressed in your khaki work shorts, a cute purple tank top and your tan sandals. His schedule was so tight for making a date that you literally had to leave straight from work to the restaurant. You felt about 1000 times under dressed when Shawn picked you up in slacks and a light blue button up shirt.

“Lauren you could have warned a gal that you were setting her up with a fucking multimillionaire.” You hissed, neck vein popping in your frustration.

“I didn’t know! I swear to you, when I met him he was in a Harry Potter shirt and was bragging to Connor about how he’d been able to watch the whole series in a weekend. He was speaking in Potter quotes and all I could see was you and him getting married. I didn’t fucking know!”

“I literally look so stupid right now. He’s in fucking slacks and has cuff links? While I’m in khakis and my hairs in a cute but messy bun. The valet alone was more than I would ever be able to afford for dinner.”

“Oh god.” She groaned.

“I fucking said ‘Literally Pizza Hut would’ve impressed me,’ and he snorted.”

“Snorted?”

“Laughed at me, found me amusing, literally a lowlife compared to him.”

“What did he do to become a multimillionaire?”

“He started his own printing company when he was 18 years old. Graduated high school and started working the next day. He’s the big office building on the corner of Main and Baseline.”

“Oh shit,” She gasps. “So he’s rich rich. Homegirl lock him up.”

“Um no, it’s time to run.”

“Don’t overthink it, he’s a sweetheart I swear. He was really interested when I talked to him.”

“I have to go, he’s gonna think I died or something.”

“You’re so dramat-” You hang up on her and start to rush out the door so you can escape this nightmare you’re living.

This man was literally so far out of your league that you thought these leagues were only in the movies. He will want nothing to do with you, ever.

You whip the door open, taking a deep breath and look up to rush out but stop short when Shawn stands up from his relaxed position against the wall.

“Um,” You gape.

“Okay,” He clears his throat. “I did this wrong,” He cringes. “I was really trying to impress you. I haven’t been on a date since I was in high school. I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I was just really trying to impress you and I realize I went a little too far. How bad would it be if I asked if we could start over? My place? We can order pizza and talk and be well, normal?”

You giggled, because he couldn’t stop fidgeting his hands, and glancing at you and then back at his shoes. He was so nervous, and you could see it in his features that he was scared he scared you off.

“Shawn? Just because Lauren set us up doesn’t mean we have to do this. If you don’t want to go out with me you don’t have to. It’s okay, I understand.”

“No! Are you kidding?” He asks appalled. “I’ve been so excited and nervous, and my life motto is nerves mean you care. I guess I’m just, I’m not the best at dating because I’ve never really dated. But I do, I do want to go out with you, I just want you to be comfortable.”

“I want you to be comfortable too.” You grin. “I hear you like Harry Potter?”

His eyes go wide and he nods dumbly.

“I have the series on DVD,”

“Blu Ray,” He points to himself. “And a flat screen.”

“Your place it is.”

**

“I don’t know Shawn,” You sigh, slumping back in your seat at the kitchen table, check book on the table in front of you.

“Baby, if I bought the store you’d never have to have a month like you just had. You’d never have to close for the week just to save, that’s not how a business runs.”

You were trying to be calm, and hear him out. But you really didn’t want Shawn buying the company.

“And with the money I can put into it, we can really look into more marketing. Maybe revamp the place, add a little coffee shop, demo the whole place and start over. We can start doing online sales, and boosting revenue that way. Baby I think we can do so much with it-”

“No,” You stop him, “No.”

Shawn’s stopped, shocked at your firm answer. “Why?”

“I just don’t want you buying my company,”

“Baby, but think about how much we could do-”

“No!”

All you can see in your head is that note you have stashed in your file cabinet from your Pa. The one that explicitly says that it was yours until you were ready to share with someone. You could share with Shawn, but you didn’t want to have to. You felt like you just got the place and you don’t want to give it up yet.

“I don’t understand why you don’-”

“Because it’s mine!” You snap. “It’s mine!”

Shawn’s pulling back, but letting you snap.

“It’s mine, and I know I’m not the best owner, we aren’t making much money and I can barely keep the doors open, but it’s mine. And if you buy it then it’s yours, and not mine, and I can’t-” You shake your head. “I know I’m the disappointment of the family right now, because yes, I might have to close the shop soon-”

“Baby,” He stops you, taking your hands and kissing them. “I’m trying to give you a way where you won’t have to close.” He whispers. “You’re not a disappointment by the way, the markets shit, no one’s really making money.” He shrugs. “And I know it’s yours, and if I bought the bookstore, it’d still be yours, 100%”

“No it wouldn’t because you would own it.”

“Okay, so let's compromise, let’s make a deal, let’s talk it out.” He grabs his notepad and a fountain pen. “What if we partnered, you’d have half and I’d have half? That way it's still yours but I can help,”

“I don’t-”

“Let me finish.” He writes some things down. “I’ve been looking into it, and this is what I think you could make if you at least, did the online thing,” He passes you a note with an absurd amount. The bookstore has never made money like that. “And this,” He pulls the paper back, “Is what you could make by adding the cafe.”

“Shawn.” You gasp at the amount he’s scribbled.

“It’d be a study place, in this college town. It’d be a writing place, just down the street from a publishing house. And there are so many opportunities we could have with the publishing house alone. We could work out a contract to say that we’d sponsor their new authors for a certain amount, we’d be helping them and ourselves.”

“You’ve really thought this through.”

“Yes I have, because I love you, and the bookstore, and I don’t ever want to see you have to close the doors. I want to help, and finally, I know how.”

You smile, looking down at the other ideas he has listed on his notepad.

“Can you just think about it. Let’s have a meeting, I want this to be serious. I’ll do some more homework, and you do some too. I want you to think up and draw up everything you’ve ever wanted to do at the store. Everything okay?” He waits for a nod from you, “We’ll have a meeting and discuss what we’ve both thought up and then come to a conclusion.”

“Okay.” You whisper, nodding at him.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” You look up at him as he stands and walks around the table to you.

“Okay, I’ll have my people call your people about the details.”

“You mean having Jackie call me in the morning at the store so she can tell me that you’re free Friday at 9:30 to 10:45?” You smirk up at him.

He rolls his eyes, “Yes, Jackie will be in touch. Better?”

You giggle, nodding as he leans down for a kiss. “Where are you going?”

“Home? I’ve got a meeting real early.” He grabs his jacket, slipping it around his shoulders.

You pout at him, giving him your puppy dog eyes. “Stay?”

He chuckles, “Don’t give me those eyes, I can’t say no to those eyes.”

“Then don’t?”

“I have to, seriously I have to be up at like 4, and I don’t want to disrupt you. It’s your first day back at the shop and you need to be rested. I love you, and I’ll stay over tomorrow okay? Maybe I’ll stop by the shop at lunch if I have enough time?”

“Okay.” You sigh, deflating back in your seat.

“I love you.” He steps back closer, leaning down for a kiss.

“Mhm.” You hum, turning your face to the side so he kisses your cheek.

“Miss,” He grabs your chin softly, turning it back towards him, “You got something to say to me?”

“I love you too I guess.”

“You guess?”

“I think I’d know if you were staying the night.”

He laughs, kissing your lips softly sucking your bottom lip, pulling a moan from the back of your throat.

“Now you really can’t leave.”

“See you tomorrow.” He grins, grabbing his phone and keys, blowing you a kiss as he walks out your door.

**

You laughed to yourself when you saw Jackie’s line number run across your cell.

“Hello Jackie.” You answered.

“Morning,” She cheerfully responded. “Okay, so, care to explain why I’m scheduling a meeting for you and Shawn? And not like a date or something, like an actual meeting? Here? At the office?”

“Has he said anything?”

“No he never talks about his meetings. I’m lucky if I get a ‘Mornin’.” She imitates Shawn.

“Please tell me you’re joking.”

“Yeah,” She laughs. “Well except for the meetings part. He really doesn’t talk about them, which is fine. It’s his business, I just schedule the meetings.”

“Well if he hasn’t said anything then I don’t think I should, but I’ll talk to him about it. He knows we’re friends, so if it’s not like confidential then I’ll let you know.”

“Alright fine,” She sighs. “He’s open, um you know, actually. When are you free?”

“Well, I just opened again this week.” You look around the store. “And I really don’t want to have to close just to go to the office for a meeting, but if I have too I will.”

“Tell me when you want the meeting, I’ll work it in his schedule. He can work around you this time around.”

You grin, mentally making a note to send her some flowers soon. “Well I usually close at 6 week nights, but I know he tries to be out of the office at 5.”

“Wednesday night at 6:30 good for you?” She asks, you can hear her typing away at her keyboard.

“Um, yeah, we’ll have to push our date back,” You giggle. “But I think this is an acceptable situation.

“Alrighty then, it’s been inputted into his calendar. Would you like me to input anything else in while I have you?”

“Yeah can you check that major birthdays and anniversaries are in there.”

“I know for a fact they are, he personally has input those. May 3rd is labeled with your name and a heart, just so you know.”

You blush, looking down at your counter, picking at the edge.

“It’s gonna be three years right?”

“Yeah.”

“He better go all out.”

“He could literally just come home with no work, and actually stay and I would be over the moon.”

“Oop, here he comes, wanna speak to him?”

“Um if he isn’t busy I guess.” You murmur.

“Alright, you’re gonna be on line 1, he’ll be with you in a moment.” Jackie says, “Meeting at Wednesday at 6:30, have a nice day!”

Before you can even respond the line clicks and you hear a husky, “Hello Beautiful.”

“Hi Handsome.”

“How’s your morning?”

You look around the store, books stocked full but empty of customers. “Slow.” You sigh, pulling your stool closer to the counter and taking a seat.

“It’s still early, got the whole day ahead of you.”

You love his ability to pick you up whenever you need it. He brought the positive to your life and always had you looking at the glass half full.

“Are you gonna be able to stop by for lunch?”

You hear him sigh, and clicking onto his computer. “No, I don’t think so Baby. Jackie penciled in this new intern? I guess it’s time for an eval, and it was my only open slot this…” He trails off, the clicking becoming louder. “Wednesday? But we have a date.” He speaks up.

“I know, but-”

“I made the reservations for 6:30.”

“Can you push them back? Or we can always have a dinner meeting I guess. Or you know what, tell Jackie to just put me in where it’s convenient for you, she tried to go by what was for me but I knew we should have gone off your sche-”

“I’ll push the reservations.” He hums.

You shut up quick, waiting a beat before suggesting, “Or we could just cancel them and go home with take out and watch The Act?”

Shawn hums again, and you can just imagine him scratching his chin as he swivels in his chair. “Or we could do that. I like that, let’s do that.”

You smile, “Okay! Since you aren’t coming to see me today can you at least come over tonight?”

“Told you last night I’d stay over.”

“I just didn’t know if that changed.”

He sighs, “I know I had to cancel the last time, and the time before, but that’s not gonna happen. I promise okay?”

“Okay.”

“I have a meeting Honey, I’ll see you tonight.”

“Okay.”

“I love you, sell some books!”

“I love you!”

The line goes dead and you sag in your stool. This was going to be a long day.

Maybe if you had more appeal to the store, like if you could see it better, or like if the sales that you had going on were noticeable from the window.

You slide your notebook over, grabbing your pen, titling the new page; ‘Meeting Ideas’.

**

You were rushing around the store trying to clean up the last bit that needed to be done before you rushed out the door. You got a little lost in building a new display for the Divergent section you had. You made some faction signs and little displays for them and before you knew it, it was time to close and your art project was all over.

You are just locking the door when your phone rings in your purse. Hands full, and keys dangling from your fingers you answer, slipping your phone between your shoulder and ear.

“Hello?”

“Hey Gorgeous,” Shawn’s voice flows through.

You sigh, knowing what this call was gonna be, cursing yourself for believing his promise this morning.

“Hey,” You sigh, unlocking your car but leaning against it for the bad news. “Not coming over?”

You hear a gasp from his end, and then him clearing his throat. “Um, I was calling to see if you wanted to make dinner or go out?”

“Oh!”

“Did you really think I was calling to cancel?” He whispers.

“Studies go to show-”

“Okay Bookworm, well let me show the studies that I am coming over, without any work, and I’ll be staying the whole night.”

You giggle at his defense game. “Okay, okay I’m sorry.”

“Dinner? Am I picking something up? Am I making you something? Are we meeting somewhere?”

“Can you just pick something up? I literally had the longest day, and I just wanna snuggle.”

“Okay, so a plate; orange chicken, teriyaki chicken, and fried rice with cream cheese ran goons?”

“I fucking love you.”

He chuckles, “I love you too Honey, I’ll see you at home with your food and a medium Coke.”

“You literally are perfect.”

“Goodbye,” He calls, laughing as you sigh.

**

The TV played softly as background noise to your cuddle session. It wasn’t often that you felt like you had time with Shawn like this. He rarely promised time without work, and you took advantage when he did.

The last few times he’s promised that he’d be yours for the night he’s gotten called in, or never even made it out of the office long enough to feed himself. You’re slowly started to become accustomed to being stood up, half the time you barely even get ready knowing that the dreaded text is bound to come through.

You shift a little against his chest, cuddling closer and humming as you look up. But you pull back a bit when you notice that his face is illuminated by his phone, and his free hand is typing away at his email, letters flying across the screen at a rapid pace going to prove how much he is on his phone.

You sigh, and roll your eyes discreetly as you pull away from him. He notices you leaving quickly, the arm that’s wrapped around you curling tighter so you can’t get away.

“What are you doing?” He mumbles dropping a kiss to the top of your head, eyes never once leaving his phone.

“You said no work.”

“I know, but I have to read this.” He answers, pointing with his chin to the device in his hand.

“It can’t wait till morning? It’s the first night we’ve had together in almost two weeks.” You sit up, turning to look at him.

He glances at you and then back at his phone as it buzzes with four new emails. You slump, blinking at him tiredly.

“Babe it’s just a few emails, and we’re watching a movie we’ve already seen. I’m not missing anything.”

You shake your head at his reasoning, as if spending time with you wasn’t even on his radar at all, he’s not missing anything new so what’s the harm?

“Fine.” You sigh, sitting back against the couch.

He clicks his phone off with a huff, “Don’t be like that.”

“I’m gonna get ready for bed.” You say as he starts to turn towards you. You stand from the couch quickly, walking off to your bedroom to start your routine before he can suck you in with his puppy eyes.

He joins you in the bathroom a few minutes later, after he’s locked up your place and turned the lights off.

“You’re so beautiful.” He murmurs into your shoulder as he hugs you from behind, watching you take your makeup off. You give him a glare in return to his comment, letting him know that trying to sweet talk you isn’t gonna help. “Don’t be mad, it was just one email.”

You scoff, “It’s not just one email, we both know that you’ll stay up to answer the rest and draft up even more.”

“I wait until you’re asleep though.” He points out.

“That’s not my point.” You whisper, tired of having the same conversation every night.

“You say that every time and then never elaborate what your actual point is, so can we get to that part already?”

“My point or question I guess is if I’ll ever come first?” You shrug, looking up at him.

His heart just about breaks when he sees your bottom lip quiver. He never ever wanted to make you feel like the work comes before you, it’s just so much is weighing on his shoulders right now, and it’s become easy for him to just know that you’re there even when he’s not and he’s taken that for granted.

“You do come first.”

“I don’t,” You shake your head, “We can’t even watch a movie with you checking work.”

He watches you turn and walk out of the bathroom, crawling into bed. You let out a deep shuddering breath as you relax with your back facing the side he usually lays on.

Biting his lip he flips the light off, following you to bed.

“Might as well go get yourself set up at the dining room table, or just go ahead and sneak out to go back to your place now. No point in staying.”

His eyes snap to you, his chest tightening, guilt panging as he realizes just how much you know what he does while you’re in bed. He didn’t think you knew about the night that he needed to be in his office to get something done, so he made your place look like he had left early in the morning and not at 11:47 pm.

He curses himself at what he’s done to make you feel this way.

“No Baby,” He slips under the covers, arms wrapping around you and pulling you flush against his chest. “I’m right here.”

He lets the sound of your deep breathing and scent of your mint and rosemary shampoo soothe him into the most peaceful sleep he’s had in a long time. He finally allows his overactive brain to slow for a minute, and for his body to relax against yours.

That night, he dreams of his forever with you.

**

Shawn was already in the conference room when you arrived at the office, Jackie meeting you at the door offering to take your jacket and a beverage of your liking.

You decline, to both, pointing to where you thought Shawn was, smiling at the confirmation nod she gives you in return.

You walk down the hall, holding your notebook of homework and ideas. You knock, slowly entering the room and smiling at Shawn, who’s head whips up from his papers.

“Hey!” He greets, standing up to welcome you in. He leans in for a quick hug, pecking your lips as he pulls away. “I’m professional I promise, but you’re my girl and deserve a hug and a kiss hello.”

You giggle, shaking your head at his antics. He pulls your chair out, the one next to his, and helps scoot you in after you’ve taken your seat.

“Okay, well let’s jump right into business.” He starts, flipping through his pages of notes as you do the same. “What to do you have there?” He points to your notebook.

“My notes?”

He chuckles, “I know they’re your notes, but what are the notes?”

“Oh,” You clear your throat, “Um well, these would be my terms and conditions.” You slide your notebook over, letting him read through it.

It’s impressive, how much thought you’ve put into every single detail.

In the end it’s decided that Shawn will invest with a 15% stake, and with his connections and his company itself now partnering with yours it’s well more of a deal for you than for him.

Next steps are to get the balls rolling with what your plans are. A website that allows your customers to order online, a cafe, and a whole store remodel. It was scary, especially because you really don’t want a whole lot to change, but it’s what needs to happen to be successful.

“Pizza or pasta?” Shawn asks as he starts to pack his briefcase up.

You stare at your notes, and the copy of the contract you both just signed. It’s like your frozen. This amazing guy was investing in your company, out of the love from his heart. This literally does nothing for him but give you the room to grow.

“Hey?” He sits back down, hand landing on your thigh. “Are you having second thoughts?”

You look at him with watery eyes.

“Baby if you’re having second thoughts then rip up the contract, we’ll-”

You quickly press your lips to his, shutting him and his anxious mind up for a moment.

“Not having second thoughts, just needing to take a moment to let this all settle in.”

“Okay,” He nods, pulling on your hand to have you stand up so he can hold you.

“I’m not gonna disappoint him anymore.” You whisper into his chest.

“Who?”

“Pa.”

Shawn sighs, kissing the top of your head, “You never disappointed him. I promise you that.”

**

“Hey Babe!” Shawn’s voice floats through the phone.

“Hey Honey.” You answer, clicking him to speaker as you box up some more books to prepare for demo day.

“So I’ve been looking into the perspective of revenue, and it might be time to start looking into some help.”

“Help?”

“Like some other workers.” He clarifies.

“Oh! I am, I have plans to meet with Lauren about the cafe this week.”

“That’s great Baby, but I’m meaning with you at the shop, not in the cafe.”

“Oh um, I don’t kn-”

“I emailed you the spreadsheet of the projected sales, take a look at it and let me know what you think okay? Just think about it? I have a meeting I needed to be in like 5 minutes ago,” He chuckles, “CEO duties. But I wanted to bring this to your attention. Anyway, I love you, I’ll see you for dinner.” He makes a dramatic kissing sound into the speaker and then hangs up before you can even think of responding.

**

The sledgehammer was a lot heavier than you were expecting now that you’re standing in front of a bare wall with a bunch of workers and your boyfriend staring at you.

You take a deep breath, take a step back, and let your years of softball takeover and swing for the fences. The wall splinters under the pressure and breaks, leaving a big hole in it’s trace.

“You did it!” Shawn cheers, running over to take the dangerous object away from you before you or anyone else got hurt.

“Holy shit, it’s real now.” You laugh as the rest of the crew then starts knocking the wall down. “That was so fun, holy shit!”

“It was really hot too.” Shawn smirks, wiggling his eyebrows at you.

“Oh my god, go away.” You push at his chest lightly.

“Hold up!” One of the workers calls, stopping everyone from there work and pulling something from the wall.

“Is something wrong?” Shawn asks, tucking you behind him.

“I found this,” He hands Shawn the note.

Shawn opens the note, coughing when the dust and debris flies around him.

“Oh Babe.” He sighs, turning to show you.

You gasp at the handwriting alone, yanking the note from Shawn’s hands and holding it close to your chest. The watery tears in your eyes as you look up at Shawn have him almost melting to the ground and vowing to protect you from everything.

“I’m gonna go-” You jerk your thumb over your shoulder to the door, indicating that you wanted privacy while reading this note.

Shawn nodded in understanding, turning to have everyone get back to work and talk some more with the contractor about the plumbing.

He really wanted to give you some time, really wanted to respect that you needed it. But damn it you were almost crying when you walked out the door, and staring at you from the window he can tell that you are crying now.

“Fuck it,” He mutters, stepping outside.

He slides up behind you, arms wrapping around your waist, chin resting on your shoulder.

“Are you okay?” He whispers into your ear.

“Yeah.” You nod, wiping your cheek. “Yeah, I needed this.” You unfold the letter so he can see.

It’s about time, this place needs the updates! I knew you had dreams for this place Pumpkin! Love Pa.

“Wait, he wrote that for you!” Shawn gasps softly. “How old were you when he redid the place?”

“I was three when he broke down the barrier wall and put in the new one,” You whimper.

“He knew all along this would be your legacy.” Shawn squeezes you closer.

“I was really struggling today with this decision, because I didn’t know if he would approve or not. But this was exactly what I needed to know I made the right choice.”

“Yeah?” Shawn asks.

“Yeah, you were the right choice. Pa would have loved you.” You turn and kiss his shoulder.

“You think?”

“I know he would have. Pa was particularly protective. You seem to have that same nature.” You grin. “I can just hear what he would say about you, and to you.”

“What would he say?”

“Well he’d sit me down and go, ‘that’s a good boy you got there, he treats you right and respects you. But if you got any troubles or doubts you let your Pa know, he’ll take care of it.’ Even though your friendship would be so tight he would side with you instead of me.” You giggle.

Shawn smiles, kissing your neck before sighing. “I wish I could have met him.”

“Can I ask you something?” You turn to face him now.

“Anything.”

“Would you like to?”

“Like to what?” Shawn’s brows furrow.

“Like to meet him?” You ask again. “Would you like to go to his grave with me?”

Shawn’s smile literally touches, ear to ear, and he squeals a little as he picks you up and spins you around.

“I’d love to.”

**

Lauren has been your best friend since you both started working at the local girls clothing store in high school. She’s a few years older than you and really was the person who showed you the love of running a store. She got you into the management aspect of the job and taught you everything you know.

She’s a big reason as to why you were so comfortable and willing to take over the bookstore for Pa when he passed away.

When you both left the clothing store she went off to become an assistant manager at Lou’s Coffee House just outside of town. She then went on to meet Connor there, and the story goes on to how she set you up with Shawn.

“So I have some news!” You squeal as Lauren sets her coffee mug down in front of her.

You’re out to breakfast for your weekly meetup at your usual diner.

“Are you pregnant?” She asks.

“No!”

“Engaged?” 

“Oh my god, no.”

“Okay then…?”

“So I’m remodeling the store.” You grin as her eyes go wide. “And I bought the toy shop next door.”

“Whoa!” She shares your excitement but then comes back to reality. “Wait, weren’t you like just closed for a week because you couldn’t afford the electric bill?”

“So about that, I, I um, I might have gone through with Shawn’s investment plan.”

“Finally.” She sighs.

“We worked through the details, sat down and had a meeting and everything.”

“Sounds very Fifty Shades here.”

“Oh my god shut up,” You blush and shake your head, no realizing that it kind of did.

“Okay,” She laughs. “So why buy the toy shop?”

“How much do you like your job?”

“Working as an assistant manager? Where I can’t make my own decisions? Where I have to get them okay’d first? It sucks, but it’s a job.”

“Wanna manage your own cafe?” You ask with a big smile.

“Excuse me?”

“I bought the toy shop to knock the dividing wall down and add a cafe.”

You’ve never seen her eyes so wide. “You’re joking?”

“And I bought it so you could run it.”

“You’re joking?!?” Her voice is starting to rise.

“Is that a yes?”

“Why me?”

“Because you’re you? You’re the best Lo, let’s be honest with ourselves.”

“I’d be in charge? Can do my own ideas?”

“Well Shawn and I have drawn up some ground rules since it’s mainly his name on it, but yeah there’s no one we’d want or trust more.”

**

Days got tough, times get hard, and people grow tired. It’s life, it’s what happens. Today was one of those days for you.

While finding Pa’s note helped, and the excitement of starting a new was distracting, you still struggled with the result that has come of you owning the shop.

It was hard to admit you needed help, and it was harder to receive it from Shawn. It was terrifying to give up some of the reign to him as well. So with his newest idea, comes your patience lost.

“You don’t get to do this.” You shake your head, putting the plates away in the cabinet and slamming the cabinet door shut in your frustration.

“You’re gonna need the help.”

“I don’t need help!”

“I’m not saying you can’t do it. I’m not saying that. I’m saying that at least one other person is going to make it easier for you. You’re gonna run yourself into the ground doing it by yourself.”

“We’ve agreed on cafe staff.” You cross your arms.

“Yes we have, but we’re not talking about the cafe. We’re talking about the shop. One other person, that’s all I’m saying. One more set of hands with you behind the counter. You’re gonna want it, gonna need it.”

“It’s my store Shawn, I can do it! This part of it is all I have left!”

“I’m not taking that away!” He raises his voice to your level. “I’m trying to give you some help here!”

“This!” You turn back to the sink. “This is why I didn’t want to do this! I knew this is how it’d turn out. You’d be Mr. Mendes, Mr. Know-it-All, and tell me how to run the store. My store!” You toss the dish towel on the counter, turning back to him. “Guess what Shawn, you’re not there. You never have been, you never will be. You don’t care enough to be there, and because of that you’re not allowed to care about who is.”

His condo is silent as your words settle. He blinks at you, face blank of an expression and your heavy breaths slow as you watch him turn and walk away from you.

“Shawn?”

He doesn’t answer, he just picks up his keys from the corner counter and walks right out the front door, leaving the slam of it to echo in your head.

**

He didn’t come home, he knew he should have and that he’d given you both enough time to cool down. But he didn’t come home.

Instead he hid away in the safezone that has become his office, his second home. He was too wired to go back and go to bed, but he was too drained to keep driving around all night, so he ended up here, checking emails and stewing over your words.

You were right, he never did spend any time with you at the store. And it wasn’t in his schedule to start doing so after the remodel. The store was so important to you, and it was so minimalistic to him that he couldn’t see how much it would mean to actually stop and enjoy the space with you.

He’s been fighting his own battle all night with how guilty and shitty he feels for walking through the doors of Cornered Pages and changing everything, flipping your whole world on its side, without actually thinking about how this truly is affecting you deep inside.

It was close to 5:30 am when he dozed off. Chin in his hand, elbow propped up on his desk. The sun had just started to rise, and he could hear Jackie out at her desk.

But it was 8:45 am when you stormed in. The banging of his office door against the wall startling him awake. His jump knocking over the framed photograph of you and him from your last anniversary.

He looks around quickly, looking for what woke him in such a way, but everything stops when his eyes land on you. Your hair was unkempt, you wore his old Harvard hoodie and some grey sweats. Eyes rimmed red with tears.

“Baby?” He cleared his throat, blinking a few times to wake himself up. “What’s wrong?”

“I need you, to come home.” Your voice shakes as you speak.

“What happened? What’s wrong?” He keeps asking, afraid something bad happened.

“Come home.” Your bottom lip quivers as he stands to come to you.

“What’s wrong? Baby what happened?”

“You didn’t come home!”

He wraps you up in his arms, kissing the top of your messy hair and breathing you in.

“You don’t just get to not come home Shawn.”

“Okay, okay.” He nods, feeling you start to relax. “Let’s go home.”

“You don’t get to not come home.” You repeat, some panic still coursing through you.

“You’re okay, I’m right here. Let’s go home.”

“I thought you were leaving, you can’t not come home.”

Your words are like a knife through his heart, he can’t handle the thought of you sitting in his home thinking he wasn’t ever gonna come back to you.

“Never, I’m never leaving you. I won’t do it again, I promise. Take me home.”

Jackie watches with concerned eyes as you both stagger out of his office, Shawn mumbling to cancel his meetings, that he needed a personal day. She didn’t ask questions, she just nodded and bidded you both safe travels back home.

Once seated in the car to go home the only thing you say is “You don’t just get to not come home.”

**

This is it, months of work, weeks of stress, days of insecurities, hours of arguing, and minutes of excitement has lead to this.

The shop was finally complete, and today was the reopening. You were nervous, the new keys sit in your hand as Shawn, Aaliyah who’s been hired to work in the shop with you, and Lauren your best friend who’s gonna manage the Cafe stand beside you as you unlock the door.

Shawn grins, pulling the new outdoor easel sign out from the entrance of the store and positioning it right out front showing that it was a ‘Grand Re-Opening!’.

“Li, can you count the register? Do you remember how I showed you?”

“Can you just watch to make sure I do it right? I think I remember, but I don’t want to mess it up.” She nervously giggles, walking with you to the counter to count the register to properly open the store.

Shawn and Lauren open up the cafe entrance, and you can see Shawn bouncing on his toes as he watches you and Aaliyah through the glass walls that divide the store from the cafe.

“Got it?” You turn to her with a smile, she nods proudly closing the register and slipping the receipt into the little accordion file you keep in a compartment under the drawer.

“Yep!”

“Perfect, now I think your brother wants to be the first dollar we earn from the cafe, so let’s go join him before we get to work.” You giggle leading her to the cafe.

“There you are! Get it taken care of?” He asks looking at Aaliyah, eyes sparkling with excitement.

“Yep! I did it all by myself and everything.” Her sarcasm drips heavily as she answers.

“Okay, what can I buy you for a celebratory drink?”

“Okay, so I have a medium black coffee for Shawn, a medium white chocolate mocha blended for Liyah, and a iced peppermint mocha, large, for the lovely owner.” Lauren sets three cups down, knowing everyone’s order before any of you have to tell her.

“And a iced vanilla cold brew, medium, added to his tab.” You give her a look eyeing her drink behind her on the counter.

“I was gonna-”

“Nope add it to his tab, I think he can handle it.” You pat Shawn’s shoulder, grinning when he nods, swipes his card and leaves a hefty tip.

“We just had our first sale!” Lauren cheers when his charge goes through.

You laugh at her excitement and lean into Shawn’s side, sighing as you let the day sink it. He leans down to kiss the top of your head and thread his fingers through yours.

It’s so weird to see him on a Monday, jeans and white t shirt instead of his slacks and a button down. He’s taken the day off to be here for the store launch, and work with you guys on the floor.

“Okay!” He claps his hands together. “Let’s get to work! What’s first?”

**

This is the slowest it’s been all day, there’s been a line practically out the door, and you’re thanking your lucky stars that Shawn wanted to be here today to help. He’s been helping people find books, or the right aisles for certain genres, he’s greeted every person that walks in the door, and talks up the cafe for those who don’t have a drink already.

You and Aaliyah are practically trapped behind the counter, not having a chance to even look to the other, that’s how many people are in line.

You’re ringing up Mrs. Cooper, gift wrapping a few books for her grand kids birthdays. “Caleb is just going to love that Harry Potter box set you had. His mother said he’s been looking for that since Christmas, and Katie has been non stop talking about that new Julie Cross book.”

“We just got that book in this morning, it came with my new shipment.” You nod, tying a ribbon around the box set. “I can’t wait to read it, the Juniper Falls series is one of my favorites.”

“Katie will be so excited.” Mrs. Cooper smiles, handing you the bills to pay for the books. You smile as you ring her up.

“Mrs. Cooper would you like to sign up for a our new rewards program? All you have to do is put in an email or phone number and we’ll track your points that way, with every dollar you earn a point. Every 100 points you get a free book or drink on us.”

“I’d love to, I’m gonna be in enough to make it worth my while.”

“Perfect!” You smile, clicking over to the page to sign her up. “While I get you signed up I’ll have Shawn take your things to your car.”

“Oh thank you Honey.” She smiles, watching you wave Shawn over.

“Hey Gorgeous,” He grins, kissing the side of your head and looking at the screen. “Need help with something?”

“Yeah can you carry Mrs. Coopers books to her car? I’m gonna get her signed up for the rewards program real quick.”

You watch Shawn’s eyes drift from you to the counter where two bags of books sit in front of Mrs. Cooper and her walker.

“Of course, where are you parked?” He asks taking the bags with a big smile.

“Right up front in the handicap parking Son, my husbands in the car waiting.”

“Perfect, I’ll be right back.” Shawn nods, winking at you before he walks away.

You get Mrs. Cooper signed up, ring up a few more people to finish off the line, and then look around at the mostly empty store to see how it looks after that rush.

It’s not too bad, but you notice it needs serious recovery and some filling of shelves. When you turn to start talking to Aaliyah to notice that she’s not standing at her spot behind the counter, but coming out of the back storage room with a cart of books, asking a few people if they’re finding everything okay.

You smile, knowing that Aaliyah was a perfect fit for your store, and everyone was loving her.

You take this quick chance to run over to the cafe and check in with Lauren, and see how she’s doing. The cafe is bustling with people, every table is full and all the chairs in the little nook are occupied with reading teens.

“Hey!” You cheer as you walk behind the counter to talk with Lauren.

She pats Becca, her extra set of hands, on the shoulder to let her know that she’s coming to talk to you.

“Hey Bigshot.”

You roll your eyes at the name, Lauren’s been calling you that since you told her about the remodel and asked her to be the cafe’s lead manager.

“How’s it going over here?” You ask, leaning against the wall, getting a glimpse of Shawn over her shoulder.

He’s talking to a group of men in suits, and you assume they must be his work colleagues.

“It’s going really good, Becca and I are working really well around each other. She’s so sweet and amazing that I’ve practically had her at register all day because she’s selling treats and the cafe card like crazy.”

“Oh yay! I’m so glad!” You nod, smiling at Lauren and then letting your eyes travel back to Shawn. “Do you know those guys?” You ask her, nodding to the guys who just made Shawn’s smile drop to a frown in less than a second.

“Oh I don’t know, they ordered a few minutes ago, kept whispering to each other and laughing as they looked around.” She shrugs, “Seems like Shawn knows them.”

“Yeah will you give me a second?” You ask, walking past her and over to Shawn. “Hey,” You lay a hand on his back, standing beside him as all three of the guys look down to you.

“Hey,” Shawn mumbles, letting his arm uncross from in front of his chest and wrap around you. “This is Tate, Blake and Zach.” He points to each of the guys.

“You must be the famous girlfriend?” Blake says with a teasing smile.

You squint at him as you try to figure out their game here, “Yeah, and you are?”

The boys look to Shawn in shock, “Um, we work at Mendes Printing.” Zach answers.

“They’re in charge of the orders and deliveries.” Shawn says looking to you.

“So, this place is, is something huh?” Tate acknowledges. “You must be so happy to have someone like Shawn who can just dump some change to those in need.”

Shawn stands up straight, jaw clamped shut. You watch as Blake and Zach snicker, looking at each other like they’re the funniest guys in the world.

“I’m lucky to have a supportive boyfriend who believes in my dreams and will help me accomplish them.” You fire back. “And you’re lucky to have such a wonderful man as a boss, who lets you take a break at what?” You pick up Shawn’s wrist to read his watch, “At 2:37 pm.”

All three boys deadpan as you give them a small smile. “We’re on our way to a meeting.” They stammer out.

“Well I’m so glad you are willing to be late to a meeting just to see our new cafe, did you sign up for the new cafe card? With every 10 purchases you get the 11th free. You can sign up while you wait for the drinks you’ve ordered.”

Shawn squeezes your hip, grinning as he kisses the top of your head.

“We’ve got to be headed back to the store, but it was nice to meet you, can’t wait to hear your stellar reviews of the drinks. Lauren’s the best barista in town.”

Shawn steers you away from the boys, smirking into your hair as he holds you close. “They didn’t mean any harm.”

“They practically said that you’re my sugar daddy and bought me my own store.”

“And we both know that isn’t true, you barely let me buy you dinner.”

“You deserved to be spoiled too, so no I’m not about to let you pay for everything just because you can. I can too.”

“I love you, you know that right?”

“I love you too.” You look up at him with a pout. His smile and blushing cheeks has you biting your lip, trying to stay professional in your business. “I really wanna kiss you.” You mumble as you turn away to help Aaliyah fill shelves.

“Oof the things I wanna do to you to celebrate the success of your store? Just wait until we get home Miss. CEO.” Shawn pinches your ass before walking away, tossing a wink your way as your jaw drops.

**

A week into the relaunch and things finally seem to settle back into the normal you’re used too. Wednesdays are always your slowest days, and while it’s not always good for business you take advantage of the free time to get some remerching done.

That’s what you’re up to this morning. You had a dream last night about what the store would look like if you redesigned the front wall and added some of the new signs Shawn’s company just dropped off the other day.

That’s why books are stacked in piles around the front of the store and shelves and knife brackets are scattered in empty spaces as you try plan out how you want it to look like. You’ve counted up 17 notches and slide a knife bracket in place, repeating on the next section. You use your right foot to help hoist the shelf up high enough to set on top of the brackets, but right as you go to lift the door opens, bell startling you and you drop the shelf.

The loud clang and yelp from you is enough to catch Mrs. Cooper’s attention as she walks into the store, eyes wide as she notices you hunched over in pain.

“Oh, Honey are you okay?” She tries to get to you as fast as she can, but with the piles you’ve set down for the time being her walker can’t get to you.

“I’m okay,” You wave her off, trying to play it cool as your foot throbs. “How are you this morning?” You clench your jaw, fisting your jeans to help hold off your scream of pain.

“Dear are you sure you’re okay? You dropped that shelf right on your foot. Where’s that boy who was here the last time I was in, he should be helping. Lord knows he’s got those muscles for a reason.”

“He’s actually just an investor, and well my boyfriend, but he’s got his own company to work for. That was just a one time thing, him working here.” You correct her.

“Is there anyone else here?”

“Not yet, but I’m okay I promise.” You stand up straight, hiding your pain behind a fake smile, to prove you’re alright and don’t need help.

“If you say so, I’m just in to get another one of those Juny Pond books or whatever that series was.”

“Juniper Falls?” You smile, trying to hide your limp as you make your way to your Young Adult sports section. “Which one are you looking for?”

Mrs. Cooper starts to tell you all about how Katie, her granddaughter fell in love with the new book she got her at the re opening, and how she wants more. You soon figure out that Katie has read all three books from the series so you go on to suggest the baseball book that Julie Cross has published that is just as good, and if not your favorite.

But as you talk with Mrs. Cooper Lauren comes in a little early, quickly notices that bare wall and everything a little disorganized up front. When she finds you two she immediately can tell something is wrong with you, and that you’re very uncomfortable.

Usually you’ll talk all day with Mrs. Cooper, but you seem to hurry her a little today and you’re limping in just the slightest bit. The second Mrs. Cooper is out the door to her husband you drop to the floor, letting out a long “owww”

“What happened Doll?” She asks, crouching beside you.

“I was rebuilding the front wall, all in my head and in my zone. The second I lifted the shelf to put it up Mrs. Cooper walked and the bell went off scaring the bejesus out of me and I dropped the damn thing on my foot.”

“Well you’re walking on it so it’s not broken.”

You slip your shoe and sock off, cringing at the deep purple and blue bruise that’s starting to form across your foot, the swelling already starting.

“Just severely bruised.” Lauren sighs.

“Will you help me finish the wall before you open the cafe? I promise to stay off it as much as I can but I can’t leave the front of the store like that.”

She agrees to help but makes you sit on the step stool while you tell her what to do and where to put things. In the end the wall looks really cool and the customers you have coming in after it’s built have nothing but compliments for it.

“Hey!” Aaliyah calls as she clocks in from the back.

“Hey Hon!” You smile as she comes out with a cheery smile, stopping when she spies you on the stool, you rarely sit.

“What’s up?”

“So, don’t tell your brother, but I got hurt today.”

“What? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine but, I might have dropped a shelf on my foot.”

“Oh my god,”

“She’s gonna sugar coat it but she can barely put pressure on her foot, so while I’m in the cafe make sure she’s being good and staying off it and icing it. Also because she’s limited to her chair she’s finally finished up the online order website and gotten all the merchandise in the website so that can launch soon!” Lauren interrupts you.

“Hey! I was gonna tell her that!” You glare at Lauren.

“Sorry, I got excited.”

“Why can’t I tell Shawn, he should know.” Aaliyah looks at you.

“He will.” You nod. “But I want to tell him later, he’ll freak out and blah blah blah.”

Aaliyah nods slowly, and you can see in her eyes, just like her brother, that she’s gonna do the exact thing you asked her not to do. So you mentally make a note that Shawn will be here in the next 15 minutes.

** 10 Minutes Later **

“Jackie, cancel it.” You hear Shawn say as the bell goes off indicating he’s just walked in the door.

“Sorry,” Aaliyah sighs when you look up at her. “He’d kill me if he knew I knew and didn’t say something.”

“It’s okay,” You smile at her. “I know I said I wanted to tell him later, but I’m glad he’s here. So thank you.”

“Emergency.” He hums as he looks around frantically for you, stopping when he sees you seated behind the counter. “Okay I will, thanks Jackie.” With that he hangs up the phone, walking right behind the counter and taking your face into his hands, eyes inspecting yours. “Which foot?”

“Right.”

“Level?”

“8.” You answer softly.

“Reason why you didn’t call?” He raises an eyebrow.

“I wanted to push through?”

“Try again.” He hums, crouching down to take your shoe off so he can see.

“I didn’t want to bother you,” You slump, telling the truth. “I promise I’m okay.”

“And what were you doing?” He asks as he softly caresses your foot, being careful not to touch too rough.

“I was building the front wall.”

He looks up at you, blinks, then turns his head to look at the wall noticing that what you’ve done is actually much cooler and seems to be attracting a lot of attention from bystanders outside.

“How’d you drop it?”

“The bell scared me when Mrs. Cooper walked in and I dropped it.” Your bottom lip pushes out at how lame your story is.

He shakes his head, letting a breath out as he tries not to laugh a little. “You kill me, you know that? How hard would it have been to wait to do that with Liyah here, or Lauren, or me?”

“You?” Your eyebrows scrunch.

“If you would have called I would have come to help.”

“But-”

“We talked about this,” He shakes his head, “We’re in this together right? You chose me to be apart of this with you? Then let me be apart of it. I know I can’t be here everyday, but I can be here to help if you need me to be. Building walls, or new displays that involve heavy lifting is something I can be here for. You just have to tell me.”

You nod, letting his fingers twine with yours on your thighs.

“Okay, next time I’ll call.”

“Thank you, that’s all I’m asking for.” He looks back down at your foot and bites his lip. “Level 8?”

You nod, showing off that you can wiggle your toes a bit but that’s about it.

“Can I take you home?” He whispers, hands sliding to the back of your calves, rubbing little circles with his thumbs.

“Can we stay till close? It’s just a two more hours? You can help me with inventory for the website launch.”

“Of course,” He smiles, jumping up to pull the other stool closer to sit with you and work on the website.

**

Shawn sets you down on the bed, convinced that you shouldn’t be putting any weight on your foot. He happily took on the roll of your right hand man, carrying your everywhere, bringing you things, spoiling you in many kisses.

“So,” He says, digging through his drawer to find you a shirt to wear. “I had a phone meeting with Horan Publishing today.” He smiles as he pulls out his Eddie Vedder, his favorite to see you in.

“Oh?” You hum as you take the shirt from his hands.

“Yeah, he wanted to discuss maybe partnering with us.” Shawn grunts as he starts to change his own clothes.

“With us?” You deadpan, looking up at him.

Shawn looks over his shoulder at the sound of your question, stopping his actions to turn and look at you.

“Yeah.”

“Us? I’m-”

“He publishes books,” Shawn grins, “We sell books.”

You nod dumbly, still confused that someone wants to partner.

“He was wondering if we might be interested in sponsoring a few of his new authors, maybe give them a shelf or two, the room to do a signing.”

“He wants to do that with us?”

“Yes,” Shawn laughs at your skepticism, “He’s an old friend but said he’s noticing the rapid success of your store and thought that maybe if he partnered with us the younger audience that your store draws might help kickstart a fanbase.”

You just blink at him.

“I’ll go over all the paperwork he sent over, but I think it’s a good deal, he’d be sponsoring us much the same we’d do for him.”

“If you think it’s a good deal then fucking do it, I trust you more than my own opinions here.”

Shawn grins, shaking his head, crawling towards you on the bed to plant a steamy kiss to your lips. “You’re so fucking cute,” He murmurs against your lips.

**

A month later your store is filled with a line out the door and wrapped around the building for the first book signing you’ll sponsor.

Niall is here, planted firmly in the cafe corner, laptop open, charger plugged into the wall to make sure he’s not gonna crash as he works through the signing.

Shawn’s here to support, ready to help in anyway he can. But the more you watch from a distance behind the counter the more you’re wishing he wasn’t here.

He’s getting quite close to the author.

She’s gorgeous, long brown hair, brown sparkly eyes, perfect eyebrows and cheekbones. She is an incredible author, and honestly you’ve become a big fan after reading the first copies of a few of her books that Niall sent over last week. But the more she’s making eyes at Shawn, touching his arm, and laughing at everything he has to say has her leaving a sour taste in your mouth.

But slowly your becoming hurt with the way he’s not pushing her off, and how he keeps stepping just a little closer.

You take a deep breath, turning to look at Aaliyah and seeing that she’s struggling a little with keeping up with the line of book hungry teens.

You decide that you don’t have time to stand and watch your perfect boyfriend flirt with the perfect girl in front of him, you’ve got work to do. So, you roll up your sleeves slip behind Aaliyah to get to the other register and start ringing up the next customer.

The store is crazy destroyed by the time you closed. Aaliyah was feeling stressed and little under the weather when you locked the doors to start the closing process, so you sent her home promising that you could handle it on your own.

Shawn had tried to kiss you goodbye, after walking Hailee, the author, to her car and giving her a big hug before she got in. You turned your head so he had to kiss your cheek, and then stalked off to start cleaning before he had the chance to ask what was up.

He leaves hesitantly, guiding Aaliyah through the door to take her home, but watches you from the windows, noticing the deep frown on your face and the way your shoulders are slumped as you start to count the registers.

“Was she like that all day?” He asks his sister, pointing at you once they’re both seated in the car.

“What?” Aaliyah looks up, and the sees what he’s pointing at. “Oh, um, she was fine this morning, really excited. But like as the day went on it was like something was constantly bugging her and bringing her mood down. I tried to talk to her about it but she just kept saying ‘I’ve got work to do, no time to waste on dumb things’.”

Shawn’s brows furrow and he watches you for a minute before driving away to drop Aaliyah off.

By the time he makes it back to help and pick you up his poor thumb nail is practically non existent, he wants to know what’s wrong and got you feeling down.

He knocks at the door, peaking through the window so you can see him to let him in. You turn and look over your shoulder with wide eyes and then they soften a bit when you recognize him.

You scramble for your keys and unlock the door, “What are you doing here?”

His eyes narrow on you in confusion, “I’m here to help, and take you back home?”

“Oh,” You look back at the cafe where Lauren was cleaning up. You had told her about Shawn and Hailee and how they had acted all day, and she offered to give you a ride home since you rode in with Shawn. “Lauren was gonna drive me.”

Shawn looks over your shoulder to Lauren, catching her glare, his heart beat picking up a bit.

“But I thought you were staying over?”

“I think I’m just gonna go back to mine, I’m really tired and just wanna sleep.”

“And what did you think you’d being doing at mine? Going to Vegas and staying up all night. I’m tired too, I just wanna go to bed with you.” He lowers his voice and reaching for your hand, but gasping a bit when you don’t let him hold it. “What’s wrong?”

You sigh, shaking your head as your turn to fix the front table display.

“Hey.” He grabs your wrist, turning to you back to him. “Talk to me, what’s wrong?”

“It’s stupid.”

He eyes you, knowing that you need some time before you really start to talk to him about what’s going on in your head. So he nods, “Well I’m here when you’re ready okay? I saw you got a few shipments in the back? Can I help move and unbox them for you?”

“Sure.” You shrug, going back to your work and trying to not let his cute little puppy look break you down.

So for the next hour, after Lauren leaves once you tell her that you can handle Shawn, it’s just the two of you. Shawn’s back and forth from the back to the front bringing out more books. But every time you go to start cleaning something else there’s a random book sitting in front of you.

The first time it’s ‘Beautiful Boss’ by Christina Lauren, and you look around confused why a romance novel would be in the Syfy section.

The second time it’s ‘P.S. I Still Love You.’ by Jenny Han, and you roll your eyes since it’s a Young Adult in the Cooking shelf.

The third time is after you’ve corrected Shawn on how he set something up, and you were a little harsh with how you told him. You giggle a little when you see ‘Disarm’ with a sticky note under the title that says ‘Please, I’m still learning.’

You look at him while he’s focusing on getting the sign just right, small pout on your lips at how hard he’s trying for you.

The final time you notice a book it’s ‘Lucky in Love’ with another sticky note that says ‘with you!!’.

You sigh, smiling as you look up at him. He’s watching you over a bookshelf, his height allowing him to spy.

“Stop being cute when I’m mad at you.” You whine, making him grin and rush around the shelf to you.

“Why are you mad?” He asks softly, setting the books he was holding down.

“I don’t know, why don’t you go ask Hailee.”

His eyes go wide and he sighs, “Oh Honey.”

“Don’t ‘Honey’ me, you seemed more interested in what she had to say than me.”

“That’s not true.”

“You know what,” You sigh, knowing that you sound ridiculous, “I think I’m just gonna go over to Lauren’s.”

“No, you’re not.” Shawn blocks your path to the counter.

“I’m not in the mood to fight.”

His eyes bug a little, “I didn’t realize we were fighting.”

“Shawn,” You sigh, looking up at him with hurt eyes.

“Baby,” He whines, wrapping his arms around you. “What’s really the matter?”

You take a deep breathe, “The real matter is that I’m scared.”

“Of what?”

“I’m scared that one of these days you’re gonna meet someone like Hailee, who’s got her life figured out and is perfect and looks perfect, and you’re gonna realize that you need to be with someone like that and not someone like me. That you want someone who can challenge you, and be up to the standards that you live. Someone who isn’t prone to failing and needing you to bail her out of her life.”

Shawn’s heart drops when he hears you speak this way. He was absolutely in love with you, and he couldn’t stand the fact that you felt like he was bailing you out.

“Hey,” He tilts your chin up since your looking at his chest to avoid eye contact. “Listen to me okay?”

“Sure,” You sigh.

“No hey,” He dips his chin so you have to look him in the eye. “I’m in love with you. I’m in love with your passion, and opinions. I’m in love with the way your brain works, and the way you fight for what you want. I’m in love with the way that you don’t know what you want your life to be, because we’re fucking 21 years old, we shouldn’t have to know what our lives are. You think you don’t challenge me? You piss me off and frustrate me all the time because you make me think of things in a different way, you have different ideas to everything. And while I think one way you think another, and you’re always right. Always, so I love that side of you too, because it challenges me. Also, I really don’t care what you say, but you are perfect. You are my definition of perfect.”

“Shawn,” You whimper, looking up at him with tearful eyes.

“So no, you won’t be staying at Lauren’s because I’ve planned a late dinner and a romantic bubble bath to celebrate the first signing.”

You gape at him as he pulls you closer. Nuzzling into your neck, nosing right behind your ear.

“And we’re not allowed to just not come home, remember?”

**

Shawn wonders out of his room and down the hall to find you standing at his kitchen counter making coffee with a book in your hand. He can’t help himself but to stare for a moment. There you stand with your hair in messy bun, and his favorite nighty of yours hugging you tightly.

The tattoo on your hip teases him as you reach up onto your toes for your mug, but your eyes never leave your book, too entranced in the story to look away.

The fresh hickey on your neck flashes at him when he starts to move closer, taunting him to add more. He presses himself right behind you, reaching up for you to get your mug down.

“I love how you wear this when we fight,” He hums into your neck, planting a little wet kiss to your new purple temporary tattoo.

“It’s your favorite.” You whisper back. “And I’m sorry for insinuating the things I did.”

“Stop,” He hushes you, turning you so you’re facing him. “We did the apologies already.” He lifts you up onto the counter. “Had the make up sex.” He grins. “We’re good to go.”

“So you’re not in the mood for more make up sex?” You ask with a sly grin.

“How about some ‘you’re in my favorite negligee and I’m really in love with you’ sex?” He hoists you up, biting his lip as you wrap your legs around his waist, hands digging into his curls.

“That sounds so fucking perfect.” You moan as he sucks another bruise to your neck.

**

This time when he wakes up alone in bed he finds you in the little makeshift nook he made for you. The chair in the corner of his office big and comfy and you sink right into it.

“I’m gonna get you a house with a room line with shelves and a comfy spot for you to read in.” He sighs, flopping next to you on your chair, well it’s more of a loveseat, hand rested on your bare thigh, riding up his Sting t shirt you’re now wearing.

“Can your desk still be in the room with me? So you’re not too far away?”

“You can literally have anything you want.” He hums, taking your book from your hand, folding the corner on your page and setting it on the ground so he can lean you back and lay on you.

“Just you,” You whisper, leaning forward to kiss his nose. “Just want you.”

“Mmm, you have me.” He nods. “So let me spoil you.”

“You do.”

“So you’ll let me buy us a home? With a library ready to be filled with your favorite stories?”

“Are you asking me to move in with you?”

“We practically already live together Babe, it’s just a juggle between your place and mine.”

“So why can’t we just move into here, the condo?”

He sighs, dropping his head to your chest and groaning, “Because the house I bought has a room lined with shelves, enough room for your chair or a couch, or both, whatever you want.”

“Shawn?” “So can I give you the key now?”

“Does it have room for your desk?” You ask softly.

“Babe my office is conjoined to your library by french doors. You really think I can be away from you?”

“Really?” You let a small smile light up your features.

“And it’s got a kitchen island like you always talk about, and a room that can be made into a nursery at some point. The backyard is huge, plenty of room to build a treehouse.”

“You bought us a home?”

“I bought you a home.” He nods.

“Baby!” You sob, throwing your arms around his neck and pulling him into you. “You bought us a home!”

**

It’s early this Sunday morning, you and Shawn are walking around like the sleep deprived zombies you are.

This week has consisted of packing up your place, packing his place, moving to the new house in the neighborhood that’s exactly halfway from the store and the office, and unpacking.

Shawn through a little fit when you asked him to come with you this morning to the store to be there for the bookfair delivery, and to help you set it up for tomorrow. After you explained that you were a little nervous about how early the delivery was, and how the guy treated you the last time no one was convincing Shawn that he wasn’t going.

The back storage room is jam packed with boxes upon boxes, and displays for days.

The store was sponsoring the local elementary schools Book Fair, which is bringing in money for you and the attention from all the parents and teachers in tow.

You were standing in your new Young Adult section for the time being, replacing the John Green and making sure to have tons in backstock as well when Shawn came running by.

“Babe!”

“Yeah Honey,” You look up at his excited features.

“Check out the new printing.” He eyes the book he’s outstretched to you, ‘Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets’.

You’re a little confused because this copy looks pretty worn, the spine bent, pages creases, corners folded. “Okay?” You cautiously take the book, noticing it feels a little lighter than you were expecting. You flip open the cover and gasp at what you see.

There in the middle of all the pages, Shawn’s gone out and cut a square out of the middle of the book and placed a ring box inside.

“Oh wait,” He snaps, getting you to look up at him. “That’s my copy that I made after the night I met you and you told me that if someone ever proposed to you like this that you’d say yes times a million.” He grins as he sees the tears in your eyes.

He reaches inside and plucks the box from the book, dropping to his knee in front of you and popping the box open, revealing your dream ring. It’s a simple silver ring, cut to look like rope that meets in the middle to look like a knot.

“Shawn,” You gasp.

“Let me give you your happily ever after, the next part to your everlasting series, and the greatest epilogue to the best story ever. Baby will you marry me?”

**

It was finally the day, with the store and life changing between you and Shawn, you lost track of time since you’d asked him.

But today marks five years without Pa, and it was your tradition to have a picnic with him.

You sit between Shawn’s legs, back against his chest, head rested back on his shoulder as you trace the quote you had engraved on Pa’s tombstone.

‘Create your own happily ever after’.

Shawn kisses your neck as his hand sneaks around to rest on your small baby bump, hand just about as big as the bump itself.

“I did it Pa,” You whisper, smiling as you cuddle closer to Shawn, fiddling with your ring he’s wearing. “I made my own happily ever after.”

[daddysfavouriteboytoy]

Ruben Winter Rothchester

Name: Ruben Winter Rothchester Nickname: Ruby, Winnie, Bunny (by his older brother) Age: 22 Nationality: American/Irish Sexuality: closet Homosexual Gender: Male Birthday: 29th of July Species: Human Appearance: (Face claim: Finn Wittrock)

Clothing: Ruben is one of those guys who likes when people can already tell that he’s a rich and a well-mannered gentleman by his clothes, therefore he loves wearing warm-coloured, preppy outfits and is only rarely seen in anything else.  Height: 1,79 m Weight: 66,3 kg Piercings: tongue piercing venom, right collar bone, right ear, left ear Tattoos: on his left inner thigh, behind his left ear, on his right wrist Personality: Because Ruben is extremely organised as well as hardworking, he has some natural leadership skills. That's why he often finds himself in a dominant position because he won't compromise or do things for others without a reward. Ruben is also loyal, patient and reliable, whenever he says, he’ll do something, he keeps his words. To the dismay of others, he is very often dispassionate, blunt, cynical as well as independent. Ruben definitely isn't a pushover and can't be taken advantage of. Simultaneously, due to his financial upbringing, he is used to being spoiled and getting pretty much everything he wants which results in him being quite arrogant and snobbish at times, even going so far as to look down on certain people. Also, he values facts over feelings and has an ability to detach himself and act emotionless most of the time. He does not concern himself with the needs of others and doesn't care what they think. At the same time, Ruben will sometimes provoke others just to get a reaction. If he takes a huge interest in a certain person’s behaviour, he can also be a bit of a bully, focusing greatly on teasing them in all possible ways, even flirting if he gets a satisfying reaction. Nevertheless, apart from his bratty and spoiled behaviour, Ruben can be stable and content, however, should anyone manage to anger him to the point of him not being able to keep his rage under control anymore, he can get pretty aggressive, even physically hurting others. The few people who seem to escape his terrible behaviour towards others are his close friends and parents, the only ones who get to see Ruben’s polite and even friendly and helpful side. Likes: teasing/annoying others, small furry animals especially bunnies, being rich, books about weird or creepy things, going out with friends, people accepting him for who he is, tidiness, turning straight guys gay, photography, plants, classical music as well as punk rock, breakfast in bed Dislikes: his family, unfamiliar situations, being compared to his brother, clingy ex-partners, being told what to do, therapy, drugs, having to attend fancy parties or family gatherings, people lacking basic hygiene, being proven wrong, having to hide his sexuality from his parents, fake friends Hobbies: tennis, lacrosse, swimming, playing the piano, judo, karate, collecting books about myths/urban legends/strange creatures/unknown fairy-tales, photography, urban exploring Relationships: Diana Haraya Rothchester – mother; 50 years old; CEO; married Orson Hunton-Blather – father; 47 years old; politician; married Terence Hunton-Blather – older brother; 28 years old; marketing manager; engaged; lives in China Pai Yao Niang – future sister-in-law; 26 years old; mathematician; engaged; lives in China Jackson “Jack” Lawson – fake girlfriend/best friend; 21 years old; college student; fake dating Ruben Occupation: College Student  Position: Switch - likes to fight for dominance but doesn’t mind losing Turn-ons: being rough, BDSM, putting him in his place, scratching, hickeys, multiple rounds, threesomes, roleplaying, pet names/degrading nicknames, risky places Turn-offs: golden showers, blood, knife play, cock rings, orgasm denial, degrading nicknames outside of the bedroom, strong cologne, being teased for too long, being interrupted Other:

is allergic to horses and latex

can cut onions without crying

is surprisingly talented at cooking for a spoiled rich boy

owns three pet bunnies named Sunny, Pearl and Starr

has a fake girlfriend

Backstory: Ruben was not a planned child, which definitely showed in the way his parents treat him. Already during his first year of living, he was raised by maids, nannies and all the other people his parents paid to take care of him, so they didn’t need to. Growing up like this and not knowing any better, Ruben thought this was a normal life and actually enjoyed all the attention and gifts he got to keep his attention off his biological parents. During his childhood, the rest of his family was also rarely home, his parents always travelled around the world while his brother was occupied by his studies and hobbies. It even went so far that Ruben didn’t even know he had an older brother the first few years of his life.Only when the boy got older his parents slowly stood home for longer periods of time. During those years, Ruben started school and his parents paid private tutors to teach him just the same things as his brother, meaning how to play the piano, how to dance and a lot more things. Unfortunately, their youngest son wasn’t really into creative hobbies nor very good in school. Quickly, the two parents began to get annoyed with their child and started to complain about why he couldn’t be as talented as his older brother who seemed to be flawless at everything he did. At first, the blonde spent a lot of time trying to live up to his parents’ expectations and get even better grades than his brother. To his dismay, however, neither of them acknowledged the changing behaviour of their second son. This way, Ruben spent all of his elementary and middle school years, trying to somehow get the attention and approval of his parents by being the perfect son. Only when the blonde eventually started with high school, he realized that it was an impossible task. Therefore, he decided to just accept it and ignore his parents just like they ignored him. Ruben joined a few sports clubs and nearly always met with friends after school if he had time to spend as little time as possible at home.Due to his friends not always having time to hand out when school ended, the rich boy started to just meet with people he met online, even though he never saw them in real life before. Thus, someday he started to befriend the wrong kind of people. One of his internet friends introduced him to his gang, all of those guys were already a few years older and taught Ruben to smoke, fight and drink. The young boy’s behaviour changed drastically once again and he started to get more than just a bit rebellious. From time to time, he started fights on the school grounds, for this reason, teachers often had to call his parents because their son got once again caught physically hurting another student. Normally this only resulted in Ruben’s parents scolding him, but nothing more ever happened therefore the teenager never really thought about changing his ways because at least his producers knew he existed for once. During those rebellious years, Ruben also found out he was homosexual and began dating his first boyfriend. Unfortunately, his parents who were very religious people found out somehow and all hell broke loose. While his mother cried and asked what they just did wrong, his father screamed at him like his son committed some kind of horrific crime or slaughtered someone. Not even when he got remarkably violent once and broke someone’s arm, the two of them were as furious as right now. Although the two adults wanted to kick him out at first, his mother decided against it and proposed to try and save his broken soul by getting him some kind of therapy. His father agreed and not even two days later Ruben sat in a plain white room, in front of some old guy who looked like a paedophile. Already after the first sentence of this odd man, the blonde hated him already. He knew neither his sexuality nor his actions were wrong. Unfortunately, his parents’ thoughts seemed to differ, because they always dragged him to this strange, old man in hopes of him saving their offspring's soul. The only good thing those therapy sessions had, Ruben met his best friend Jackson there. Her parents seemed to be just as idiotic as his own thus the two of them developed a plan shortly after befriending each other, they started fake dating to get out of this shitty situation. Luckily, it worked out for both of them. However, the traumatic experiences of these events left their scars on Ruben. To not ever attract any unwanted attention from his parents anymore, he once again had a chance of character which lasts till this day on, just like his friendship with Jackson.

Starter

[emospritelet]

Twisted Fate - chapter 8

13: “I’m sick of being alone all the damn time”

Please send me a prompt from this list or this list to fuel the angst and smut

[Ch 1] [Ch 2] [Ch 3] [Ch 4] [Ch 5] [Ch 6] [Ch 7] [AO3]

Belle was willing herself not to cry the moment she hung up on Gold, and for the most part she succeeded. It helped to turn off her phone in case he called back, shoving it into her bag and stomping off home. She had worked the early shift at the diner, waiting tables until her feet ached enough to match her back, and the father of her child being a cold-hearted bastard was the final straw. It was raining again, and so she took the bus for part of the journey home. Emma was due to come over for a couple of hours of study, and she wanted more than five minutes to herself before then.

A job that was closer to the apartment would be better, of course, but there again it was unlikely that she would be working for much longer, as much as she hated to admit it. Her meagre stash of money was making her nervous, and she hoped that Gold was serious about helping out. She already had no clue how she would buy the baby everything it needed, although Emma had offered her some of Henry’s old things. It seemed as though her life was nothing but endless worrying about bills, childbirth and college, and she tried to remember how free she had felt before she had returned to Storybrooke two summers ago. Before she was pregnant by a man who cared nothing for her. Surely life had been easier then.

The bus stopped two blocks from her apartment, and so she ducked into a small grocery store to pick up some milk and a packet of cookies. There was no time to have a shower before Emma arrived, as much as she wanted one, but she could make hot chocolate to warm them up. She wanted to dust it with cinnamon and drink it from the large mugs that Gold kept in the cupboards of the apartment that wasn’t really hers. She wanted to eat cookies and wrap herself in a comforting blanket of heat and spice and sugar, looking out over the rain-drenched city.

Marco greeted her cheerfully when she entered the apartment block, and she smiled as she responded. He was a pleasant man, a widower with an adult son that she hadn’t met. She wondered what he thought about Gold bringing her there, but he was certainly too polite to ask her. Just as well, she supposed; she was unsure how to respond.

It was a relief to get into the apartment, and to strip off the leggings and shirt she had worn to work and change them for thick tights and a soft woollen dress. She eyed her round belly in the mirror, turning this way and that. Thus far her pregnancy was fairly compact, at least compared to other pregnant women she had seen, but there again she and Gold were both fairly compact people. Nevertheless, her belly seemed to be expanding by the day, and she hoped the maternity clothes she had bought would continue to stretch with it.

She was just tying her hair up in a bun when there was a knock at the door, and she hurried to answer it, bobby pins still sticking out of her mouth.

“Hey,” said Emma, sounding harassed. Raindrops clung to the shoulders of her coat and the beanie hat she wore. “I brought bear claws, library books and a fuck-ton of stress and self-doubt. Ready to study?”

Belle grinned, closing the door behind her and sliding the bobby pins into her hair.

“I’ll make some hot chocolate,” she said.

x

Three hours later, her eyes were stinging from the concentration, and she closed her book with a thump, sitting back in her chair. Emma mirrored her, yawning as she did so.

“Okay, I’m done,” she said tiredly. “Neal’s gonna be here soon. You get what you wanted out of that?”

Belle wrinkled her nose at her notes.

“I think I need another couple of hours,” she said. “I’ve done the reading and taken notes, and I’ve got the paper outline down, I just need to flesh it out. It’s not due until Tuesday, so I’ve got time.”

“Had any thoughts about how long you’ll keep going for?” asked Emma, and Belle pulled a face.

“As long as I can, I guess,” she said. “The more credits I get under my belt now, the less I have to worry about getting when I have a baby to care for.”

“Yeah, it was the crappy sleep that really killed me,” said Emma. “You think you’re done for the night, and then the kid decides three a.m. is a great time to party.”

“That doesn’t last forever though, right?”

“Right,” said Emma. “Although Henry was never one to sleep through. At least when Neal came back we could take it in turns. Trying to do everything yourself is - well, it’s hard. Take it from me.”

“I think I’m gonna be living on caffeine,” said Belle gloomily.

"I'll be sure to bring some over when I drop off Henry's old stuff," said Emma, with a grin. "You'll be okay. You're like the most competent person I know, you got this."

“Guess I won't have much choice,” said Belle.

“Guess not.” Emma picked up her books, stacking one on top of the other. “Any word from your ex?”

“What, since I told him to burn in hell, you mean?” asked Belle dryly. “No. Pretty sure he’ll be here tomorrow, though. I’m not sure I have the energy to deal with him.”

"Was he always like that?" asked Emma, and Belle shook her head.

"No," she said. "No, he was - I mean he was always closed off, don’t get me wrong. He never let me get close, but we could talk for hours about books and music and food - anything that was impersonal, I guess. And he was - he was interesting, and well-mannered, and polite, and he listened, you know? He'd listen to me talk about my studies, and what I wanted to do in life, and he'd encourage me, not try to bring me down by telling me that I read too much, or that I thought too much. It was nice."

"And then?"

"And then I told him I loved him," said Belle sadly. "And he pushed me away."

"Screw him!"

"That's kind of how I ended up in this mess," said Belle dryly, and they both chuckled.

“But he knows the baby’s his, right?” said Emma. “I mean he has proof now. Maybe he’ll stop being such an ass.”

“Maybe.” Belle sighed, running her hands over her face. “Maybe he won’t say something so offensive I want to punch him in the face. Maybe he was actually in Storybrooke getting a personality transplant.”

Emma snickered.

“What did he say that made you chew him out?” she asked, and Belle scowled.

“He’d clearly been to see my dad,” she said. “So he knew we weren’t speaking, and he was pretending not to know, wanting me to say it, to admit my dad didn’t want anything to do with me. I wasn’t in the mood to be manipulated.”

“Has your dad been in touch?” asked Emma. “Like at all?”

Belle shook her head, and Emma made an angry noise on her behalf.

“You think they had words?”

“I don’t know,” she said, with a shrug. “Guess Alex’ll tell me when I see him.”

She was subdued, fingers twitching on the plastic cover of the textbook, and Emma reached out to squeeze her hand.

"Men suck."

"Oh yeah," said Belle, with feeling. "And believe me, that last thing I want is a relationship right now, but I'm sick of being alone all the damn time. I never thought Dad would cut me off completely. I mean I knew he was mad I decided to keep the baby, but even so..."

“I’m sure your dad’ll come around,” Emma added. “Maybe when the baby’s born.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

Belle wasn’t sure if she believed it, but a knock at the door pulled her out of her doleful mood, and she pushed to her feet.

“That’ll be Neal,” said Emma. “I’ll put my stuff away. You want a hand clearing up?”

“Nah,” Belle called over her shoulder. “I’ll do it later.”

She opened the door, smiling as she was greeted by Neal and Henry. Both of them were bundled up against the cold, scarves wrapped around their necks and raindrops clinging to their coats. They had identical brown eyes and ready smiles. At eight years old, Henry was bright and curious, an avid reader with a vivid imagination, and a love of cookies and bagels to rival Emma's own.

“Hey Belle!” he said. “I brought my book! Can I read you another story?”

“Sure!” she said. “You guys look like you could use a hot drink, am I right?”

“I’d kill for a coffee,” said Neal, steering Henry into the apartment by his shoulders. “We should have brought something sweet, right buddy?”

“I said we should bring cookies,” said Henry reprovingly, and Belle grinned.

“I have cookies,” she assured them. “Go on through to the kitchen, Emma’s just clearing up.”

“Thanks. Man, this place is nice.” Neal stopped, looking around himself as he shrugged out of his coat. “This whole apartment is yours?”

“Well, for the moment,” said Belle. “It belongs to Alex. He’s letting me stay, that’s all.”

“Beats the old place."

“Guess that wasn’t hard,” said Belle dryly.

“So, what’s he gonna do when the baby’s born?” asked Neal, following her through to the kitchen. “Move to Boston?”

“I don’t know,” she said, after a pause. “We haven’t discussed it. I mean, he has a whole business in Storybrooke. He owns most of the property there, and he has an antique shop that he runs. It’s not like he can just - not do that.”

“Guess he has enough money that he can do what he wants,” said Neal. “Does he want to be involved with the baby?”

“I - I think so,” she said slowly, getting out clean cups. “From what he says. I don’t know what that means, or how often he’ll want to see the baby, but it’s not like he’s not interested.”

“Well, that has to be a positive, right?” said Emma. “I mean it’s not like he’s just gonna throw money at you and never see the kid.”

“I don’t know,” she said wearily. “If we could be civil to each other for more than five seconds maybe we could work something out.”

“He have family?” asked Neal, and Belle hesitated, hands on the coffee maker.

“I don’t know,” she said honestly. “He’s never mentioned any, but then he never talked about anything personal, so who knows?”

“Well, he’ll have one soon,” said Emma, winking at her. “Whether he wants one or not.”

“He’ll have a child,” said Belle. “I doubt he’ll ever see me as anything more than its mother.”

x

After leaving a message for Ella with the test results and some instructions, Gold had booked a hotel in Boston, packed a case and set off on the long drive from Storybrooke. He gave himself a damn good lecture on the way down. Moe French turning his back on his daughter had been unexpected, and he wanted to kick himself for not seeing it, for not figuring it out from the desperate state he had found her in. He wondered how long Belle had been struggling alone. Whether she had had anyone else to turn to. A friend? A lover? Anyone? He would have to try to be there for her now, as ineffective and unhelpful as that would likely be. At least he could take away any financial worries she might have. He may have been a disaster at romantic relationships, but throwing money at a problem until it went away was one thing he excelled at.

He muttered under his breath as he parked the car, walking with a swift, limping stride to her apartment building and giving Marco a brief greeting. Belle didn’t just need money. She needed reassurance that he was going to share in the baby’s life, that he would take some of the burden of care. And they needed to be on good terms, which meant that one of them would have to bend in the face of the other’s hostility. He supposed that person really ought to be him, given that this entire situation was his fault. He tried to keep that in mind as he took the elevator up to the fifth floor and knocked on Belle’s door.

He could hear a murmur of voices inside the apartment, and his eyes narrowed as he tried to make them out. The door was wrenched open, spilling warm light out into the corridor, and Gold came face to face with a man in his late twenties, dressed in jeans and boots beneath a pale blue shirt, open at the neck. He was running a hand through short dark hair, brown eyes eyeing Gold cautiously.

“Yeah?” he said, and Gold raised his chin.

“Good evening,” he said. “Is Belle French here?”

“Who wants to know?” asked the man, and Gold gave him a flat stare.

“Alexander Gold,” he said coldly. “I don’t believe we’ve been formally introduced.”

The man’s eyes widened.

“Oh, you’re him,” he said, and glanced over his shoulder. “Belle? Baby-daddy’s on your doorstep!”

Gold bristled, and squeezed the handle of his cane to calm himself. The man looked him up and down insolently, and just then Belle hurried to his side, a little breathless. Strands of dark hair were curling around her neck from the loose bun she wore, and her cheeks were flushed. The man stepped away, letting her fill the space in the doorway he had left.

“What are you doing here?” asked Belle, and Gold examined his fingernails.

“You said we needed a discussion,” he said, and she looked vexed.

“Yeah, but we didn’t agree when.”

“Well, you hung up on me before we could agree on anything,” he said evenly. “So here I am.”

“You want to do it now?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, am I getting in the way of a pressing engagement?”

The moment the words left his mouth, he wanted to kick himself in the shins, but Belle merely rolled her eyes.

“Fine, come in,” she sighed, and held open the door.

Gold stepped into the apartment, and she closed the door behind him. He was surprised to see a young woman, long blonde hair curling down her back, one hand on the shoulder of a boy of around eight or nine. His brown eyes matched those of the man who had answered the door, and Gold felt himself relax a little. So. Not a boyfriend. Just a friend. Why are you even fixating on this, you moron? Get a fucking grip!

“I’m sorry to interrupt,” he said, trying to ignore the fact that they were all staring at him as though he was a museum exhibit.

“Oh, we were just going,” said the woman carelessly. “Belle, come over for dinner next week, okay?”

“I’d love to,” said Belle. “Don’t forget your book, Henry.”

Gold watched as the young boy—Henry—snatched up a large hardback book from the couch. His parents helped him on with his coat, the book making the process more complicated than it had to be. Henry was eyeing him curiously.  

“Are you Mr Gold?” he piped up, when his mother had wound a striped scarf around his neck. Gold smiled briefly.

“Yes,” he said. “Yes I am.”

“Mom said you helped Belle to make the baby.”

Gold couldn’t help grinning.

“Yes, I suppose that’s true,” he said.

Henry’s father had put his face in his hands, which made Gold’s grin widen. Eyes flicking to Belle, he could see that she was tugging at her lip with her teeth, a troubled look on her face.

“Are you going to get married?” asked Henry.

“No,” said Belle abruptly, and Gold felt the smile slide from his face like water.

“Uh - not everyone who has babies gets married, kiddo,” said the mother awkwardly.

“But what if Belle gets sick when the baby gets older, and it wants to go on a field trip?” asked Henry seriously. “Who’s gonna sign the permission slip?”

“I’m going to help take care of the baby,” said Gold. “I can sign the permission slip.”

Henry’s face brightened, and he beamed. It made Gold smile again, and something tickled at the back of his mind. Almost like a memory.

“Okay, buddy, let’s go,” said his father, clapping him on the shoulder. “You got your book, right?”

“Yeah. Bye Mr Gold. Bye Belle.”

“Goodbye, Henry,” said Gold, and was rewarded with another smile.

He watched as Henry was steered towards the door by his parents.

“See you Monday, Belle,” said the mother.

“Sure, Emma,” said Belle. “Bye Neal. Bye Henry.”

“Bye!” called Henry, and the door closed.

Belle turned to face him, arms crossed protectively around herself. It drew attention to the curve of her belly and the swell of her breasts, and he thought how beautiful she looked carrying his child. She was eyeing him warily, eyes flicking up at him and away, her teeth tugging at her lower lip. Things had to get better between them. He had to try to make them better.

“Sharp young lad,” he said, gesturing towards the door. “They seem a nice family.”

“Yeah, they are.”

Silence, her words short and cut off abruptly, her gaze cast at the floor. She didn’t want to talk about her friends, didn’t want to let him into that part of her life. He supposed he couldn’t blame her. Feeling awkward, he lifted a hand, let it fall against his leg with a slap.

“Well, shall we get on with it?” he said. “I spoke with my lawyer. There are some questions I need to ask you. If you could answer me truthfully without biting my head off, it’ll probably go easier on us both.”

“Try asking without accusing me of something and I’ll do my best.”

Gold reminded himself that snapping at her would achieve nothing.

“Very well,” he said coolly. “Are you in a relationship? It makes no difference to me, but my lawyer wants to know if you’re seeing anyone, in case it’s going to complicate visitation arrangements.”

Belle let out a heavy sigh, running a hand through her hair.

“No, Alex, I’m not seeing anyone, okay?” she said. “I haven’t been seeing anyone for months.”

“So why didn’t you say that when I asked the first time?”

“I’m saying it now.”

He was silent, fragments of memory floating around in his mind and causing mischief. The sleek red car outside her father’s shop. The tall, muscle-bound man with the dark hair and the perfect smile. The way he had pulled Belle to him and kissed her possessively, as though he owned her. How long had they been together? Not long, if her ‘months’ statement was accurate. Belle was watching him, and suddenly smirked a little, her eyes gleaming.

“Come to think of it, that’s probably the reason I jumped you,” she said lightly. “Been kind of going through a dry spell recently. Did you know that being pregnant with someone else’s kid is a real turn-off for most guys?”

“You astonish me,” he said dryly, and she shrugged.

“Yeah, so I’ve been a little on edge,” she went on. “I guess I got what I wanted, so thanks. That’s all it was.”

“That’s all it was,” he echoed. “Right.”

“You’re not bad,” she added. “Not as good as I remember, but then I guess I’ve grown up a little, hmm? I mean, you’re a little selfish, but I suppose that’s to be expected.”

His hands tightened on the handle of his cane.

“If you’re trying to hurt me, you’re wasting your time.”

Belle barked a humourless laugh.

“Well, I know that,” she said flatly. “You don’t feel anything, right?”

Gold felt his teeth clench.

“Are you done with being needlessly offensive?”

“You’re one to talk.”

“Please tell me what I’ve said that upset you since entering this apartment, and I’ll be sure to apologise.”

“It’s more the fact that you’re here at all.”

Gold bit the insides of his cheeks to keep from snapping out something hurtful, and after a moment Belle sighed and shook her head.

“Okay, I’m sorry,” she said. “I know we have a lot to discuss. I just - after last time, and our - mistake - I wanted to make sure we know where we stand, that’s all.”

“Right,” he said evenly.

“So - so I know you have zero interest in me beyond being the mother of your child, you’ve made that very apparent,” she said. “And likewise I have zero interest in you beyond you being its father. I just wanted to make sure we were clear on that.”

He had been expecting it, but it still hurt. A sharp, stabbing pain just below his heart, a thin, hot lance sliding deep into his soul. He told himself it was no more than he deserved, and gave her his most wintry smile.

“Oh, we’re crystal clear,” he said softly. “You’re safe from me, Miss French.”

Belle sent him a flat look.

“Stop calling me that.”

“Very well.”

More silence. She was eyeing him warily, and he tried not to sigh in resignation. Her hostility hadn’t lessened, but it was early days.

“I believe we have things to discuss,” he said. “Shall we get on with it?”

Belle nodded, raising her chin.

“You’d better come through to the kitchen,” she said. “And if you plan on being civil for a change, I could even make some tea.”

Gold swallowed the biting retort he wanted to make.

“Tea would be lovely.”

[klynn-stormz]

Legally Swan Chapter 3

AO3: 1 I 2 I 3 I

CH 3

Emma looked around the small dorm room; it was bigger than she was expecting it to be, but still the size of a closet, a twin bed sat on side of the room, facing a small window, the closet made her cringe and think that it was a good thing she had packed light. She didn’t care much about the size, she’d slept in smaller accommodations before, and honestly, she had this gut churning excitement coursing through her. Here she was a Harvard, holy shit she was a Harvard, she had done it! She had hoped and dreamed about it, but she always had that sliver of doubt that it would not go in her favor. But she had done it and now she was here to prove herself. She thought back to her mom’s final words to her before she got in her little bug to drive cross-country to Cambridge.

“I know you have an idea of why you are doing this, but please try to put yourself first Emma. Make sure that you are happy rather than trying to make others happy.”

She understood her mother’s reluctance to accept that she was doing this for Neal, and maybe she was doing this for herself as well, she just needed to prove to her that Neal was worth it. Because he was, wasn’t he? Emma has met him her first year at UCLA, they had been together for a while and just seemed perfect. So what if he told her things she needed to fix about herself, he was just trying to help her be a better person. And sometime he was annoyed if he felt she had bested him on something, it as just his pride, it wasn’t a big deal when he put her down. She already knew most of what he told her was true anyway. She wasn’t the prettiest without makeup or good clothes, he just wanted her to look her best, there was nothing wrong with that. He thought she wasn’t smart, he had told her that before he broke up, but if she ever tried to show him she was smart, he would get angry and say she was just trying to one up him. She stopped trying to show him. The dumb blonde act wasn’t hard to keep up when people expected you to be that. She was certain that this would show him who she was and how perfect she was for him.

“Henry, are you ready to become a lawyer?” She asked her little dog, he perked up and barked at her, obviously agreeing.

When Emma had been with Ingrid for about six months, Ingrid had noticed she was showing symptoms of anxiety. It wasn’t until she witnessed a bad anxiety attack of hers that she finally convinced Emma to go to a doctor with her. When she was diagnosed with a severe anxiety disorder Emma felt even more broken than she had before. The doctor recommended medicine to help her through the attacks, and even suggested a service dog to help her during the attacks; she has shown reluctance to the first and interest in the second. Ingrid had immediately gone online to find the best service dog providers and with all permissions filled out she had gotten Emma dog who had recently completed training.

Henry didn’t seem like much, he was tiny and pretty scrawny, but Emma had fallen in love on site, and vice versa. Since then they were inseparable. It had been nerve-wracking trying to make sure that they would accept her bringing Henry to Harvard with her, of course by law they had to, but service dog laws were still minimal, and most people assumed that she was just using that as an excuse to drag her dog everywhere with her. Since getting Henry and finding the right medication her anxiety attacks had been reduced drastically. While she still had them, they weren’t as debilitating nor painful as they had been.

She was taken out of her thoughts by another bark from Henry, and she got to work on unpacking her room. It was two days before the semester would officially begin, all of her books were out, she was trying to make sure she had done all the reading required for each class before they began. A lot of the language was hard to understand at first, but she was starting to get the hang of it. Once she was all unpacked she relaxed on her bed to watch a few Netflix episodes she has missed, but after a few hours she felt restless. Maybe it was time to do some exploring around town.

---

It was a college town, so there was some nightlife, but it was tame compared to what she had dealt with at UCLA. She found a small bar at one end of town called the Rabbit Hole, it wasn’t crowded but it wasn’t dead inside either. After ordering a beer and finding a quiet booth in the back, she pulled out one of her textbooks and began going over the reading for her first class tomorrow, Law & Ethics. It was with a teacher named Professor Elsa Arendale, Emma had looked up reviews for her on a rate my professor site. She seemed harsh, cold even, with most of the students saying if you didn’t have the right answers she would kick you out of class. Emma did not want to be kicked out on her first day, and with her luck it would happen, so she was going to be prepared as she could.

“I don’t think studying is the best option at a bar on a Saturday night love.” A smooth British voice interrupted her studying.

“Not your love.” She replied automatically, not moving her eyes away from the textbook.

“Well then, I’ll need a name to call you by.” He responded; his cheerful voice seemingly not affected by her ‘back off’ tone.

“Look, I’m really not in the mood to deal with a man who assumes I need company when I'm obviously busy.” She sniped back, finally turning her eyes towards him.

Everything froze for a moment when her eyes met the most gorgeous vivid blue ones she had ever seen. He had a square, slightly stubbled jaw his mouth was stretched into a beautiful grin, one of his eyebrows was raised as she took him in. His dark hair brushed at his forehead, it made her want to run her fingers through it and see if it was as soft as it looked. Taken back by her thoughts she blinked and tried to focus.

“Well? Can I get a name now?” He asked. “I might just keep calling you love.”

“You’re going to stick around long enough? Really?” She asked, suspicious and not really liking his overall pushiness.

He shrugged before replying. “Not if you really don’t want me too, you looked stressed while reading and I thought I’d see if I could make you smile. I’d say I’ve almost accomplished it.”

She held back a small smile "And your way of doing it was to critique me?" She settled on staying annoyed with him. She definitely didn't need this right now.

"Well when you put it like that, you're right, bad form." He agreed. He grabbed her hand and brushed his lips over her knuckles. "My sincerest apologies."

She smiled and blushed a little at his actions. Emma hoped that the bar was dark enough he wouldn't see. "Since you seem intent on staying." She gestured for him to sit down

“Killian Jones as your service.” He smiled and again she was struck by just how gorgeous it was.

“Emma Swan.” She finally conceded, much to his apparent delight.

“Swan, it suits you. Now what in the hell are you doing at a bar on a Saturday night with law textbooks?”

“I don’t know you well enough to give you my life story, but I’ll tell you it’s my first year at Harvard and I’m trying to make sure I’m prepared, but I needed to get out of my room for a bit.”

“Ah, that makes much more sense. When I’m not saving damsels in distress, I’m getting ready for my final year.” Killian gave her a crooked smile.

“Hey, the only one who saves me is me. In fact I’d go as far to say that you are distracting me from my purpose.” She glared at him.

He put his hands up in placation. “Love, you were about to die of boredom or a migraine, I couldn’t very well let that happen! Besides, now that I’m here I can give you inside advice on the teachers you’ll be dealing with.”

Emma tilted her head at that, it would be nice to have some first hand information on the professors.

“Let me see your schedule.” Killian said, holding out his right hand. Emma rolled her eyes, but thought it would be nice to have a little more information from a senior who had probably dealt with most of the teachers she would meet. Pulling it up on her phone, she handed it over. He scrolled through, one eyebrow raising as he saw her classes. She already had it memorized:

7am-9am MWF-Ms. Elsa Arendale: Law and Ethics

9:30am-10:30am MWF-Mr. Isaac Print: Legal Research 101

11:15am-1:30pm MWF-Mr. Robert Gold: Complex Law & Politics

8am-11am TTH- Mr. Graham Humbert: Criminal Law Introduction

12pm-2pm TTH- Ms. Ruby Lucas: Civil Law

“Wow, you’ve got some good ones. In fact most of these will probably end up being your teacher through the rest of university.” He commented.

“So what can you tell me about them?” She asked, trying not to seem too eager.

“Well, Ms. Arendale is a hardass, she rules her class like a kingdom. Make sure you are over prepared for her, if not she’ll have no qualms kicking you out. She doesn’t tolerate people with no drive, so you’ll need to make sure you try to speak up every class. Mr. Print is, well, creepy. I honestly don’t know why he’s a teacher for law, he’s much more interested in news and politics than anything else, sit in the back in his class, he tends to lisp and spit.” He gave her a crooked grin, which she returned. “Mr. Gold hires four interns for his law office every year, so fight hard to make your case. He expects to see hard work, and likes a little blood in the water between classmates. Last semester he actually had a fist fight break out in one of his classes, he didn’t try to stop it, let them fight till one was unconscious. While the student was carried out by a few of her friends, he proceeded to lecture us about being prepared to go to war to prove your point. He doesn’t have any ethics, no qualms as long as he wins.”

Emma shifted uncomfortably as he related this information. He caught it and quickly backtracked. “He’s not the worst person, he’s just… well,” He paused for a moment to think about it. “he’s like a crocodile. Just waiting for some unsuspecting creature to get close enough to snap.”

“I thought lawyers were supposed to be sharks.” Emma joked.

“Oh most of them are, rest assured. But him, he’s different. Sharks go on the attack pretty fast, and most of the time their pray knows they’re after them. But crocodiles, they’re a quiet kind of dangerous. He doesn’t attack till he knows he can win. He has deep pockets and a lot of sources to keep him on top. Don’t let your guard down with him. And don’t give up on that internship, it’s the most coveted here, it pretty much guarantee’s you will have job offers when you graduate.”

Emma tilted her head. “Did you get the internship?”

“Aye, worked bloody hard for it too.” He spoke proudly.

“So how about the rest of the teachers?” She asked.

They got into a discussion about the rest the teachers she would have, which turned into recommendations for next semester, then his favorite classes. He tried to ask a few questions about her but she evaded them like a pro. It was getting late, time to go get some sleep, and Henry was probably missing her.

“I better get going.” She announced, gathered in books and standing up. He stood up as well and she was a little surprised that he walked out the door with her.

“May I walk you to your dorm milady?” He asked with that crooked grin, it made her heart stutter for a moment before she shook it off.

“Oh so now you’re a gentleman.” She asked, she wouldn't admit it was maybe a bit flirtatious.

“Darling, I’m always a gentleman.” Killian responded, his tongue flicking across his lips.

“I can handle myself. Thanks for the help tonight.” Emma said, and walked away.

“See you around Swan.” He called to her, making her smile at the nickname.

---

“I don’t have time to mess around Henry! I can’t get distracted by some guy.” Emma was pacing her room after returning from the bar. Henry barked and she rolled her eyes.

“Yes, okay, he was attractive.” Henry barked again. “Oh my gosh stop pushing! He was funny and interesting and maybe he didn’t see me as just a blonde. But none of that matters! I’m here for Neal remember? I’m going to prove to Neal that I’m good enough for him.”

She could almost see Henry roll his eyes. Great, she had no one to talk to but her dog now. She needed to sleep. Her room was all unpacked, she had studied, and she had had a fun night. Should could admit that to herself privately.

The next day was boring as well. Emma caught up on all reading for the classes, reading a few of the cases and quizzing herself to make sure she understood. She felt ready to go take on Harvard and show Neal who she was. Maybe she'd even run into the blue-eyed Brit a few more times.

[hereforlukescruff]

A Surprise

Request: Write me a Luke finding out you’re pregnant while he’s on tour and you’re at home

A/N: dhaldjksks really hope you guys like this 😬 @grinchluke this one’s for you :)

Word Count: 2.3k

It’d been two days of you knowing and you had no idea how to even approach the conversation. Luke was on tour for another two months and there was absolutely no way you could fly out to him. Work was too demanding at the time and you couldn’t ask for more days off so soon after taking some only a few weeks ago to see him. It was simply not possible for you to tell him the news in person. You could technically wait until he came back, but at the point it would be too much of a surprise and an all around shitty thing to do.

You were pregnant. Plain and simple.

So waiting to tell Luke in two months when you’d already have a bump is probably not the best way to go about it. You’d show too much and even thinking about being pregnant with his child without him knowing for over two months turns your already unsettled stomach. That left telling him over FaceTime, which was possibly the most unromantic way of telling someone you’re pregnant. Nothing screams romance like dropping news while being continents apart.

Sitting on the closed lid of the toilet, you rack your brain trying to put the pieces together of how this could have possibly happened, but all it made you realize was how utterly careless you and Luke were. Looking at the three positive pregnancy tests on the counter, your hands wander down to your stomach, let them hanging over your imperceptible bump. There’s an actual baby growing inside of it, half of you and half of Luke, and in a little less than eight months it would be in your arms. You feel tears stinging your eyes, although the pregnancy is unexpected, you couldn’t help but be happy. The topic of children had come up a few times already, you both knew that you wanted children and four years into the relationship, you knew you wanted them with each other.

With both of you being 25, having jobs, and living with each other, it was just as good a time as any to start a family. This wasn’t like a pregnancy scare at 21 when you were still in college and Luke’s career was really taking off. Had that actually been real, you don’t know what you would have done. Both of you were barely adults, definitely not in the mindset to become parents, and were faced with the fact that both of your life plans could be derailed. Luckily, it was just a scare, stress pushing your period way past its due date causing you to think you were pregnant. It taught you that you and Luke knew that you wanted to be parents someday, when the time was right.

Now it’s actually happening and you can’t imagine Luke’s reaction to the news. Since the pregnancy scare all those years ago, you grew connected with each other in a more intimate way. You understood what you both wanted, a life together, a family, and here it was. Luke’s tour is almost over meaning that he would be with you the rest of the pregnancy, you let out a sigh of relief at that thought. Being pregnant was hard enough, but going through it alone seemed like a horrible thought. Luke was your rock, you can’t go through this without him.

But here you are, still sitting on the toilet with no semblance of a plan of how to break the news to him. You wanted to tell your best friend about your pregnancy so that she could help you come up with a way tell him but you also wanted Luke to be the first one to know as he was the father. Scratching the plan of telling her, you decide to go with your gut and figure it out alone. You felt fear and excitement bubble within you. Fear because this was actually happening, you were pregnant with your child and trying to find a way to tell Luke, but also excitement because you were pregnant and couldn’t be more happy that it was with the man you love.

Looking at the time, you gauge how many hours you had until you could tell him. It was 12pm in Los Angeles and he was in Germany, which meant a nine hour difference between you. He was in the middle of a show so you would have to tell him once he got back to his hotel room. You had a little more than two hours before Luke would call. This set off your nerves because what if he freaks out and leaves? You shake your head at yourself, that wouldn’t happen in a million years since you knew how much Luke loved you and how much he wanted to be a father.

Forcing yourself to calm down, you try and imagine the different scenarios that could lead to revealing your pregnancy but nothing popped up other than you just blurting it out. To distract yourself, you decide to tidy up a bit before talking to Luke even though he can’t see the house. You were doing anything to not think about the news you were about to say.

As time creeped by, it was nearly time to talk to Luke. And then finally, you see your laptop on the desk showing a symbol for an incoming FaceTime call. Gathering it in your hand, you see the name Sweetheart across the screen letting you know it was Luke. Moving to sit in your bed and get comfortable, you take a deep breathe and answer the call.

A tired faced Luke appears on screen as he says “Hey baby.” Looking at you through the phone causes a bright, wide smile to come on his face. Although he’s exhausted and his body craves the bed in the middle of the room, he would gladly trade it all to talk with you for hours. The hardest part of tour was leaving you. Nothing could compare to coming home and seeing you lying on the couch with a book in your hands as he crawls to lay with you as you run your fingers through his hair. For now, talking to you through a screen was the best thing he had.

“Hi my love, good show tonight?” you ask Luke, the glow on his face already giving you an answer before he opens his mouth. “One of the best. The energy in the room was something else, I wish you could’ve been there.” Luke trails off sadly, the weight of missing you feeling heavy on his chest. “I know, but you’re almost done. Then you’ll be back home and it’s just you and me.” A slow smile comes on your face as you say that, wishing these two months could go by faster so he could be in your arms. “Can’t wait for that. Fuck, I miss you.” he stated.

Hearing those words made your heart beat fast. You studied the man on the screen with his tired but bright blue eyes and hair that was in a messy bun, trying to imagine what half of you and half of him would look like on a baby. Smiling at the thought, you still weren’t sure how to tell him and he was right there, watching you. With the nervousness creeping in, your smile begins to fall as you open your mouth to speak. Luke beats you to it when he says “Smile for me again, sweetheart.” You turn your curious gaze to him. “Smile? Why?” you ask as you smile for him, unsure as to why he wanted to see it.

“There it is, my favorite thing in the world. I could watch you smile forever.” The world seemed to make sense to Luke when you smiled. Everything he did, all his work and music and the hours spent toiling away creating, he did so he could see your face light up for a little while.

Four years into the relationship and a few words from Luke could still have you blushing like the first time you met. “You’re a sap, Luke Hemmings.” you replied with a shy smile. No response felt appropriate enough to convey the depth of your love for the man in front of you. “I’m being 100% honest. If our future children have even a fraction of your smile, the world won’t be ready.” As soon as those words come out of his mouth, you freeze. He couldn’t have possibly just-

Your mouth falls open at his words as shock spreads all over your face. The one topic that was eating away at you all morning for not knowing how to bring it up to Luke, there he goes mentioning it casually. Luke notices the surprise and stunned look in your eyes but has no idea what’s racing through your head. “Baby, what’s wrong? Did I say something, what’s going on?” he says as he starts to worry. It’s been almost a minute of you just staring at him shocked as you open and close your mouth to form a sentence.

Well, you think, here goes nothing. “No, no, uh, you didn’t. Funny you should mention children, though. I kinda have tell you something.” Luke sits up in bed, grasping his phone tight in his hand as only one idea of what you could tell him goes through his mind. If he’s right, his whole world is going to be flipped upside down and there’s no way to prepare for that. “What is it?”

“I’m pregnant.”

You close your eyes as tight as you can when the words spill out of your mouth, afraid to see Luke’s reaction. Although, if you had kept your eyes open, you wouldn’t have noticed a reaction anyway because he drops his phone as soon as you tell him the news. Trying to sneak a peek at Luke’s face, you see a dark screen as he scrambles to grab his phone from where it fell. When he grabs it from under the bed, you notice the complete shock on his face.

The emotions coursing through Luke’s body were too many to even tell you. Fear, excitement, shock, love, panic, happiness. He stares at you on the screen speechless. With nothing coming out of his mouth, you feel tears sting your eyes. Immediately fear sets into your body, he’s not happy about it, you think. Your mind races a mile a minute through all the things you could say or do so the situation doesn’t blow up, all until you see a hint. A hint of a smile.

Slowly, the biggest smile you’ve ever seen on Luke’s face appears. He’s glowing. “Are you serious? Tell me this is real, that it’s not a joke.” As soon as he says that, you stop. Your heart warms and tears really begin to stream down your face. “It’s real, this is happening,” you tell him with no other way to explain it.

Luke’s eyes begin to glisten as tears overtake his vision, he’s never been happier. He wasn’t expecting this news anytime soon but he can’t say that he hasn’t been dreaming of starting a family with you, the love of his life. He knows that you’re it for him. There is no and will never be another person, he just can’t imagine being with anyone else the way he was with you. Since the beginning, the two of you fit perfectly together. Saying it felt like a meeting was an understatement. Because it wasn’t love at first sight per se, but more of a familiarity. Luke just knew it was going to be you.

For you to tell Luke that his wish was coming true was better than anything he’s ever heard. Better than hearing that his music hit the top of the charts or even the feeling of performing which he had previously stated as the best thing in the world. No more. It was this, this was the best feeling in the world. “How- When did this happen? I can’t believe this, babe.” Luke’s excitement was palpable. “Well I think we both know how, but as for when, I’m guessing around four weeks ago when I visited you on tour. I don’t think we were all too careful.”

You remember what happened the first day you got to Luke on tour, excitement took over both of your senses which made you forget all about being careful. A whole other slew of problems involving your birth control and time differences and jet leg is likely what had you both end up in this situation. Even with all that, there was no regrets.

“Are you happy about this?” You had to ask Luke because although he was smiling, nothing could stop you from making sure, your nerves still controlling you.

“Did you really just ask me that? Sweetheart, I love you so fucking much. I love you so much that I can’t even imagine another future. You’re my endgame. The fact that you’re carrying my child, a baby that we made together, it’s all I’ve ever wanted. I don’t ever want you to think that I don’t want this or you. I’m in love with you and that’s never gonna stop. No matter what, I’m here for it all. All the ups and downs life is gonna take us, as long as I have you, this baby, and any future kids we’ll have, we can do it.”

You couldn’t stop your smile now.

taglist: @plainwhiteluke @grinchluke @irwinkitten @astroashtonio @dancingonanemptywallet @hollyjollyhood @holidayhood @merryashmas @wrappedaroundcal @dukehoods @mistletoemichael @biggestslutforcalum @burncrashbromance @irwinvalentines @catchinqcalum

[santoteez]

The Dormant Beast - Jongho (4)

Read Part 3 HERE

Part: 4 of ?

Idol: Jongho of ATEEZ

Genre: Fantasy, Romance, Friends to Lovers

Word Count: 4,028 (I was on a ROLL, baby)

Warnings: Slight prejudice and bullying (non-racial and it’s not body shame either), swearing and shit, Mild name-calling,  MC is a Black Female

A/N: I use certain names in this fic that are meant to be similar to real people. It’s just to add to the whole “post-human race.” For example, if this story takes place AFTER the human race expired, it wouldn’t make sense that someone like Lizzo to exist, right? Also, I wanted to change it up bc it’s fun lol. Anyways, Enjoy!

Jongho stood outside the restaurant, annoyed and tapping his foot rapidly against the pavement.

“Crescent would never be this late.” He huffed, glancing at his watch. How did he wind up in a date with Desire? Glad you asked.

The afternoon of Crescent’s attack on Rory, Jongho walked up to his locker to put his books away for the day. The minute he opened it, a letter slipped out. Opening it, he smiled, noticing Crescent’s loopy handwriting.

Can’t walk home together today.  Decided to skip town for a while. Please, don’t look for me. Don’t stop by the house either. I asked my parents to keep my whereabouts a secret. I’m sorry, Jongie. It’ll only be a few days max. I just need to clear my head on things. Shit’s getting too crazy. I won’t be alone, Clips is coming with.

P.S. à You should go on the date with Desire. It’ll do you some good to be around someone that isn’t me. Plus, I need something funny to look forward to when I get back.

Love,

Crescent

Jongho’s smile dropped, furrowing his eyebrows. What did she mean don’t look for her? Where was she going? Why couldn’t he come?

Against her wishes, Jongho sped to her house. The door swung open before he even got a chance to knock.

“Crescent owes me five bucks.” Lunar said, stepping out onto the porch. “She had faith that you wouldn’t come looking for her at least until tomorrow. I knew better.” He sat on the porch swing.

“Of course I’d come. She’s my-”

“Your best friend, which is code for the love of your life?” Lunar glanced up, amused by Jongho’s frozen expression. “I was your age once too, you know.” He said, patting the porch swing.

“I met Solar in high school. A little late compared to you and Crescent, but that didn’t make the feelings any less real.” He said as Jongho sat down. “And when you look at Crescent, you know what I see? I see the same way I looked at Solar all those years ago. That look of longing, wanting what you couldn’t have.”

“What was wrong that you couldn’t be with Mrs. Moon?”

“…She was already married.”

“What? But you said you were in high school?”

Lunar shrugged. “It was a different time back then. When it came to marriage, it was aura over age. This guy with a super-strong aura, an elephant or something, came to her house one day. Asked for her hand in marriage, he had seen her walking to and from school and wanted her for his wife.”

“And her parents just accepted some random guy who had seen her on the street leaving a high school?” Jongho asked incredulously.

“Yes, but please remember it was a different time. Beliefs were different, and because of it, people got away with a lot of things. Of course, he had to prove he was the aura he said he was, as well as proof he could care for her and other things.”

Jongho nodded. “So, if she was married, how did you end up together?”

Lunar smiled. “We started as friends. We didn’t realize when it became more. One minute it was innocent study dates, and the next we were sneaking around behind the bookcases. Word got out that I was getting too close for comfort, and her husband wasn’t pleased. He challenged me to battle, confident that a hyena had no chance against an elephant. Well, he was right. I was beaten to a pulp. He told Solar to follow him; they were going home.”

“And then?” Jongho asked, fully engrossed in the story.

“She told him no. She didn’t want to go with him. He said she had to; those were the rules, after all. She asked him what would be the point if everyone knew she wasn’t happy. She was clearly not in love with him. She stated that he should fight for someone that cared about him. Which is what I had done. So, though it took some time, they divorced and parted ways. Divorces weren’t as accepted back then, so her family shunned her, closing her out. Embarrassed that she would divorce an elephant for a measly hyena. My parents received backlash for the whole situation as well, so they wanted nothing to do with me. We did odd jobs on the weekends, sometimes living out of motels to make ends meet. To the outside world, it seemed we had nothing. But to us, we had everything. We had each other. We graduated high school, moved here to Strongville. We had a small wedding, only inviting what few friends we had. We got steady jobs, putting ourselves through college. Months after graduation, we had Eclipse. Then came Crescent. The whole point of telling you this, Choi, is that when you want something, no matter how unattainable it may seem, you’ve gotta try. There will be obstacles. There might be consequences. Even times when it seems like you’ll never come out on top. But love will always prevail.”

Jongho sat in silence, absorbing the information. “So, that’s why Crescent never mentions her grandparents. But, Lunar, Mrs. Moon and you were on the same page back then. What do I do if Crescent and I don’t see eye to eye? I’ve tried expressing my feelings before, and she shuts me down before I even get a word out. She’s always giving me excuses for why I can’t like her, whether it’s my parents, or her aura, or the stupid hierarchy. What if she doesn’t like me back?”

Lunar chuckled. “Trust me. You don’t have to worry about that.” He said, remembering the constant teasing from Eclipse. “Crescent’s her father’s daughter. Stubborn and stuck in her ways and opinions. But if anyone can get through to her, it’s you. Don’t give up on her just yet.”

Jongho shook his head. “I wouldn’t give up on her for the world.”

“I knew you’d say that.” Lunar smiled. “So, get outta here. She’ll be okay. She has two auras, and that’s two more than she’s had all her life. Let her sort things out. She’ll be back. She can’t go too long without ‘Jongie’.” He said, repeating the nickname in a mocking tone.

“Oh, and Jongho,” Lunar called out before heading inside.

“Yeah?” Jongho responded from the walkway.

“Have fun on your date.” Lunar winked, closing the door swiftly.

Just when Jongho registered what Lunar had said, his phone rang. The contact was listed as “Don’t Answer.”

“Hello?”

“Jongho! Honey, is everything alright? I got a frantic call from Crescent. She didn’t say much but told me to call you. Did you have to talk to me?”

Jongho sighed. Of course Crescent would call Desire, knowing he wouldn’t do it himself.

“Yeah, actually. Are you doing anything Friday?”

-

-

-

Now here he was, dressed uncomfortably in a dress shirt and pants with his ash-colored hair gelled back, standing outside a restaurant where the prices were bigger than the portions, waiting for Desire, who was 20 minutes late.

Just when Jongho had lost all hope, Rory’s Lamborghini Veneno pull up to the curb. Desire’s Giuseppe heels clicked onto the pavement, her emerald green dress contrasting with her fire-red hair. Her smile didn’t match up with Jongho’s grimace.

“Have fun, you two!” Rory called out, raising his eyebrows in amusement at Jongho’s expression before speeding down the avenue.

“I told you to be here at 4:30 because the reservation was for 6:00. It’s 6:45.” He deadpanned.

“I’m so sorry, sweetie! I was going to make it on time, I swear but, then I couldn’t decide between the red clutch or the black clutch. The red goes with my hair, but the black goes with my shoes. So, I brought both!” She said. She squeezed Jongho’s hand when he didn’t react. “C’mon, I’m here now! Let’s go in.”

They entered and were immediately recognized and seated despite the reservation having passed. The waiter sped to their table.

“Good evening, may I start you both off with some drinks?” He asked, flipping open his notepad. “Our special of the night is the Moet & Chandon Nectar Rose, which has been chilled on ice.”

“Ooou, that sounds good, let’s have that!” Desire said, opening the food menu.

The waiter nodded, turning to Jongho. “And for you, sir? The same?”

Jongho gave the man a baffled look. “You realize we’re like 16, right?”

“Oh, Jongho honey, age restrictions don’t apply to us! We’re the future Duke and Duchess!” Desire laughed, shaking her head. “If it’s your first time drinking, I’d suggest not ordering tequila. I made that mistake last year and between you and me, I can’t remember much about that night.” She shrugged.

“So, just because we’re a little stronger than others, rules and law don’t apply to us? Then what’s the point?” Jongho sighed. “Sprite, please.”

“Are you sure, Sir? If not the Moet, we have other options that might better satisfy your palette. A Chateau, perhaps? Maybe even our prized possession, the Dom Perignon? I can guarantee our batch is the most aged, dating back to human times.” The waiter pressed, surprised at the fact that Jongho wasn’t jumping at the opportunity to drink the way Desire was.

Jongho gave him a tight smile. “Sprite.”

“Very well, then. I’ll be back with your drinks and will take your course orders when I return.”

“I can give you some of my glass to try if you’d like? That way you don’t have to order something you’re not sure you’ll like?” Desire offered.

“No thanks, I’ll wait till 21 like everyone else.” Jongho said, opening the menu. “What are you having?”

“A garden salad.”

Jongho looked up at her. “Is that it?”

“Oh, you’re right. It’s my cheat day. I’ll order some shrimp on the side.”

“Cheat day? You work out?”

“Oh no, I’m on a diet because I bought this dress and they didn’t have it in my size so I’m gonna lose weight to wear it.”

Jongho furrowed his eyebrows. “Aren’t you already pretty slim? How much smaller can the dress be? Why couldn’t you just get the dress in your size from the portal?”

“Ugh, no! Only lower auras use the portal. High auras like us should use storefronts. Plus, I’m a 4 and the dress is a 2, so it should fit pretty soon.”

In midst of the technological advances that caused auras to become a thing, the internet evolved into the Portal. The Portal allowed for a more intimate internet experience. For instance, one who may be shopping for clothes or shoes could choose to have their order shipped to their home or a storefront like in human times, or they could choose the Portal, which opens up a large egress on location. This allowed the person to then reach in and grab their item from inside the threshold. It was popular amongst the lower auras who were intimidated from the possibility of running into higher auras and to avoid higher auras from snatching things right out of their carts, which was a common occurrence. Being friends with Crescent, Jongho knew the ins and outs of the Portal and even frequented it himself.

“There’s nothing wrong with the Portal. You can shop right from home, in your pajamas or the middle of the street and get your things right then and there.”

“Exactly, but higher auras are to be seen. Not hidden away at home.” Desire said, as the waiter came back.

“Still better than starving yourself into oblivion,” Jongho said, shrugging. “Are we ready to order?” he asked her.

“Yes! I’ll have a garden salad, hold the dressing, croutons and cheese. And an order of steamed shrimp, hold the cocktail sauce.”

The waiter nodded, turning to Jongho.

“I’ll have the top sirloin steak with roasted potatoes.”

“Will that be medium-rare?” The waiter asked, writing everything down.

“Uh no, well done, please.”

Desire scrunched up her face. “Well done? You’re killing the animal all over again, Jongho.”

“Well…it’s gonna be on my plate so, I hope it’s dead.”

“Where’s the flavor in that, Jongho?”

“The seasoning? Anyways, sirloin, well done, end of discussion. We were already late so I’m pretty hungry. Can we move this along?”

“Yes, right away, sir! Your orders will be expedited.” The waiter said, rushing off to the kitchen.

“Did you learn to eat well-done steak with Crescent? Even your parents don’t eat it like that.” Desire asked.

“How’s that store you opened last year doing, Desire? Is it seeing profit?”

“You’re changing the subject. You don’t wanna talk about her?”

“I finally took you out on a date, which is what you’ve wanted me to do for the past three years, so I’m confused as to why you would,” Jongho said, twirling his salad fork coolly. “So, about that store…”

Desire sighed, sitting up in her seat. “It’s going well, a lot of sales in-store and online, we received a purchase from Teyoncé. You know, the singer with the eagle aura?”

Jongho nodded, impressed. “I’m sure you’ll have members of the Teapot flooding in from all over to buy your products now. They idolize her so much, they follow every trend she portrays.”

“I’m excited. If we continue selling at this rate, we can open up another storefront.”

“Do you offer Portal?” Jongho asked as their food was placed in front of them. He thanked the waiter, cutting into his steak.

“Why would I do that?” Desire asked, annoyed that they were once again discussing Portal.

“Well, you’re targeting the Teapot. You know how many fans Teyoncé has? She comes from a long line of performers, starting from her great-great-great-grandmother. She has fans everywhere, from Strongville to Freehold to Cherrynight Valley. Surely, you can’t expect everyone to come to one store in the middle of Strongville?”

“Anybody who’s somebody will make it. Those who can’t will miss out.” Desire said.

“And the one missing out on money will be you. Exclusivity is for companies with seniority, like the brand on your feet. People are gonna see what it takes to even buy from your store and give up when you can easily offer Portal and have your brand all over the world. Or is Portal beneath you?”

“I just don’t think someone of my caliber should have to settle or beg for sales by lowering my standards.” She retaliated.

“What if Crescent was a fan? She can’t just walk into your store, especially with the way you’ve treated her and her reputation amongst your friends, also your fault by the way. Someone like her would need Portal. Imagine what would happen if word were to get out that you don’t even accommodate for people right here in your town? That’s the thing, though. When you become an entrepreneur, you have to be money hungry. Imagine all the sales you could be making this very minute if you activated Portal.”

The conversation died down, the pair eating in silence. Jongho set his utensils down, finishing his plate rather quickly. He sighed. He’d definitely need to stop at Patty Queen on his way home. The portion was nowhere near enough; he would need at least a burger to be full.

“What do you see in her?” Desire asked suddenly.

“Huh?” Jongho asked. He had heard her but wanted to buy himself some time before having to answer.

“Do you know how much I’ve done to catch your attention? I wear the best outfits, watch my figure, always have my hair done. I’ve wanted to dye my hair so many times, you know why I never did? When we were younger, and I was getting picked on for how bright red my hair is, you defended me. Told me that it suited me, and that I didn’t have to change it. So now, even when I want to change it, I don’t. Because you liked it the way it is.”

“That’s the problem, Desire. You’re always doing things to impress me. Impress others. Haven’t you ever thought I’d like you much more if you were just yourself? That’s what I like about Crescent, to answer your question. Someone living without an aura for that long, especially being scrutinized by the likes of you, would’ve broken down at some point. Not Crescent. She stood her ground, even when she knew you could crush her. She’s seen as weird for liking things like true crime and poetry, but that doesn’t stop her from watching documentaries or geeking over underground poets. She’s unapologetically herself, always. Doesn’t mean she’s perfect, but she’s real.”

Desire laughed humorlessly. “She’s got you wrapped around her little finger. Pathetic.”

“Now I’m pathetic?”

“YES. You’re pathetic! You could have this entire town eating out of the palm of your hand. You could be getting bottle service, Ferragamo shoes, thousand-dollar threads, the best of the best! But you walk around in Converse and Levi’s just like that inferiority! You’re sitting here drinking a Sprite when you were offered Dom Perignon. You’re eating burnt meat and running the school passively when you can easily be treated like a King with me by your side. But instead, you treat everyone kindly like they were your equal.  All because of that chick. What’s she got that I don’t? It’s certainly not money or strength. I’m tired of being overlooked by her. I’m so sick of it. Grow up, Jongho.”

Jongho stared her in the eye, silent at first. Then, what started as a chuckle turned into a full-on cackle.

“What’s so funny?” Desire asked.

“You know, it’s so fitting that you’re a wolf aura.  I don’t think I’ve ever met a bigger bitch.” He said, taking out $200 from his wallet and throwing it onto the table. “Tell the waiter he can keep the change. I’ll see my pathetic ass out.” He said, getting up.

“Oh, before I go.” He turned back around. “I already wasn’t interested in you romantically, but after today, you can forget about this whole Duke and Duchess narrative. I wouldn’t marry you even if there was a gun to my head. And all that whining you just did? The one that has growing up to do is you.” He said, walking out of the restaurant to his car.

“Crescent, Crescent, Crescent.” He sighed, unlocking his car door. “You owe me big time.”

-

-

-

-

Meanwhile, Crescent panted, leaning against a tree. She’d been training with Eclipse all day long, same as she’d been doing since Wednesday.

“Come on, Crescent. Again.” Eclipse said, sweat dripping down her neck and into her sports bra.

“I told you, Clips. I can’t activate the tiger aura on command.”

“And I told you, AGAIN. In order to activate your aura, you must become one with the animal. You have to feel it. You can’t just clap or jump and become a tiger or a seal. It has to stimulate your senses.”

Crescent sighed, momentarily regretting bringing Eclipse along. The older girl had done nothing but boss her around day in and day out, attempting to train the younger girl aurally.

Crescent closed her eyes, envisioning a seal in the middle of the ocean. She felt a rush of warmth against the frigid breeze.

Lunar and Solar owned a log cabin on the outskirts of town, at the beginning of the woods. It was far away enough that Jongho couldn’t sniff them out, but close enough to rush back home in case of an emergency.

Crescent opened her eyes, the usual dark brown replaced by a dark abyss, similar to that of a seal.

“Good,” Eclipse said. “Now, the tiger.”

Crescent took a deep breath, envisioning a tiger in a vast grassland. But, just like all the times before, the tiger was laying down in the grass, fast asleep. Nothing Crescent did woke it up.

She shouted in frustration. She envisioned it perfectly. What was she doing wrong?

“Okay, let’s take a break. Maybe it’s having an off day. Could it be the climate?” Eclipse asked, taking a seat next to Crescent. “But, tigers and cheetahs are kind of similar, and I can activate my aura out here just fine. But it’s okay. We’ll figure it out. Together.” Eclipse pulled Crescent in for a hug.

Just then, Eclipse’s phone rang. Crescent rolled her eyes. Her phone had been going off nearly every hour since they had reached the cabin.

“Can you stop answering your booty calls? Just for ONE night?” Crescent sighed.

Eclipse smirked. “Why? Am I making you miss Jongho? Maybe he can come over after that date you forced him to go on. I heard from Rory he took her out after all. Still don’t know why you made him take another girl out.” She said, typing something into her phone.

Crescent huffed, looking away at the mention of Jongho. The truth is, she wanted to be sure Desire didn’t stand a chance. She felt that Jongho never gave much thought to the idea of him and Desire because Crescent was always around. So, she decided that isolating herself and putting them both in a situation without her would be the only way to know for sure where Jongho stood. It was a weird, convoluted plan, but Crescent wanted to be positive her feelings wouldn’t be met with heartbreak. If she returned and they were together and in love, she’d keep her feelings to herself and move on. If not, she’d confess once and for all.

“Okay…don't be mad.” Eclipse said, pulling Crescent out of her thoughts.

“No. You’re NOT leaving me here alone again tonight.” Crescent glared at her sister.

“It won’t be the whole night! Jared is a jackrabbit aura, I’ll be back in like an hour tops! And that’s if I stroll!”

“Eclipse, gross! And still, no!” Ever since Eclipse turned 18, Crescent was plagued with hearing about her sexual endeavors with nearly half the graduating class. And, being the blunt person she was, Eclipse held nothing back. There are people Crescent couldn’t even look in the eye anymore after hearing her sister’s stories.

There was an awkward silence between the two, until Crescent saw the amber glint in Eclipse’s eyes.

“Eclipse, I swear to everything I love-”

Crescent couldn’t even finish her sentence before a gust of wind ran through Crescent’s curly, auburn locks.

“ECLIPSE!” Crescent shouted, smacking her hand against the bench in frustration.

And that’s when she felt it. The tiger suddenly jumped up in her envisioning, running rampant. Crescent took off too, her eyes turning a bright amber. But something was different this time. A cheetah appeared next to the tiger. The two cats ran in unison, their astral projections blooming from Crescent’s chest like sun rays. She had the speed she needed to reach Eclipse, and that she did.

Once she was close enough, she pounced at the older girl, the strength of her tiger aura allowing her to overpower the cheetah aura of her sister.

“Why. Do. You. Keep. Leaving.” Crescent gritted through her teeth.

“Crescent. Your aura activated!” Eclipse exclaimed, completely disregarding her sister’s death mission. “But, how did you catch up to me? Tigers are fast but no way are they fast enough to reach cheetahs.”

Crescent sighed, falling back onto the dirt. “Because I’m using both.”

“Woah, wait, what?” Eclipse asked, puzzled.

“The tiger is awake, and the cheetah is right next to it. They ran together, and that’s how I was able to catch you.” Crescent said, describing the envisioning.

“Crescent, did you just hear yourself? Not only do you have THREE auras, TWO of them work TOGETHER. I’ve heard of multiple aura holders, but never have I ever seen anything like what you just did. Double aura? Dual aura?” Eclipse shook her head. Her phone rang again. She fished it out of her pocket, silencing it.

“So, if not even you know what’s going on with me, what happens next?”

“That’s the scariest part, Cres. For the first time in my life, I don’t know what to tell you.”

Stephie here! Don’t wanna make this longer than it already is, but just checking in. Jongho finally told Desire off, is anyone relieved? Anyways, please look forward to the next chapter. Happy Reading!

[lazulifoster]

An Unexpected Visitor (Loki X Reader) Part 2

Prompt: Sex by The 1975, Million Dollar Man by Lana Del Rey, and If I Never See Your Face Again by Maroon 5 feat Rihanna

Pairing: Loki x Reader

Warnings: Swearing; angst; arguing; mild sexual content

Word Count: 3k+

A/N: Inspiration from my Spotify Playlist again lol I think I say this every time I post something but sorry if its a slow burn, I actually have a lot of ideas for this fic but I like a slow build ;) Hope you enjoy part 2 if there are typos, from the bottom of my heart, my bad :)

Brief Summary: Loki and you dated back in college before he up and vanished. You have moved on with your life, even started a family, but an unexpected visitor makes his way back into your life.

||5 years earlier||

“Shall I compare thee to a summers day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate.” “Loki…” “Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, but bears it out, even to the edge of doom.”

Loki.” “…by heaven, I think my love as rare as any she belied with false compare.” “LOKI!  I’m going to fail this quiz if you don’t shut up and quit reciting Shakespeare!” “Oh, hush, love. There is no reason to study, anyway. You know all the answers already.”

“I just want to double check and make sure. Because last time this happened, I practically failed my quiz.” “I seriously doubt you’re capable of failure, Y/N. Besides, your beauty alone deserves to be glorified at every waking moment.” “ Oh pleeease, your flattery won't work this time.” “Won’t it?” Loki leaned in close to me, placing gentle kisses along my neck, causing my will to study to wane dramatically.

Loki then pushed my notes and books of my bed, and we both rapidly undressed, making me completely forget about my upcoming quiz.

************************

“You better start fucking explaining yourself, Loki!”

I began a feeble attempt to reel in the myriad of thoughts flooding my mind. My emotions were a chaotic blend of utter confusion and absolute joy. Loki was here, in the flesh; holding me, kissing me, and telling me we belonged together.

I had pictured this moment so many times over the years, and nothing was happening like I had imagined it. But as much as I missed Loki and secretly yearned for his over the years, reality slowly crept in. Loki was gone far too long to go without explaining himself. I needed answers. Lots of answers.

“My love, I promise you, I will explain everything, but this is hardly the time or place—” “Oh no, no, I am not playing games with you Loki! The “time and place” is right now! You’re the one who left and decided to just randomly show up out of nowhere!” My voice cracked, and I forced myself to hold back more tears, annoyed at myself for getting emotional again.

“I need to know what happened to you, Loki. You owe me that much.”

I could see Loki felt guilty. I knew that behind his devil-may-care attitude and playful demeanor he felt awful for deserting me. I started to feel sorry for getting heated with him again. The Loki I knew would never just leave without a legitimate reason. But suspicious thoughts kept lurking in my head. He’s just trying to manipulate you. I shook the feeling aside, I already had too much to think about. I reached up and rubbed my hand through his beautiful black hair.

“I’m sorry, Loki. I’m just—I don’t know, there is a lot to take in.”

Loki gave a slight grin, placing both of his hands on my waist.

“As much as I’d love to chat with you about everything that's happened, darling, your mum has prepared something for dinner that smells absolutely delicious, and it would be a shame to let all her hard work go to waste.”

I gave a slight chuckle. Loki was right. If I wanted to know the full story, it would be best to wait till my parents and ex weren’t around. Also, I hadn’t eaten all my food at the restaurant with David, so I was actually quite hungry as well.

“Fine. But this isn’t over.” I reminded Loki. He nodded and leaned forward and gave me a soft peck on my forehead before both of us walked in the house. Neither my mom, dad, or David noticed Loki had ever left; still speaking with his illusion.

“Did you find what you were looking for?” Mom asked suspiciously

“Oh yeah—um—no I didn’t.” I stumbled over my words like a nervous school girl. Keep it together.

Rachel waddled up to me babbling what sounded like, “Mama.” She wasn’t really speaking yet, but her little attempts always made me so proud. I picked her up off the floor, and she looked around at us five adults standing around talking. Rachel’s eyes met Loki’s, to which Loki made a silly face at Rachel, causing her to laugh loudly. The brief moment between them made me and my parents chuckle. Seeing Loki interact with Rachel made my heart melt; it was almost too adorable for me to handle. The sweet moment ended abruptly however when I looked over at David and saw an irritated scowl cross his face. Knowing David’s temper, I cleared my throat to break the building tension.

“So…what did you make for dinner, mom?” “Oh, just some roast chicken with mash potatoes and Brussel sprouts, nothing fancy.”

“A regular feast, I cannot wait to try, Mrs. Y/L/N.” Loki smiled

“Well, come on in the dining room then, we don’t want the food getting cold.” Mom began ushering us to the dinner table.

“I already ate,” David interjected.

Mom, still walking away, yelled behind her, “Well I guess you can go home then, David.”

My dad laughed from the dining room at my mom’s sassy comment, making David looked at me and whispered, “What the hell?”

"It’s ok, we’ll talk later. I’ll text you.”

David gave me an annoyed look but decided it would be better to leave before he left my parent's good graces entirely. David gave Rachel a quick kiss goodbye and made a quiet exit.

When David left, all of us inadvertently let out a collective sigh of relief.

“Finally got him out of here, goodness gracious,” Dad grumbled.

“Dad, can we not…”

“I just want a relaxing family dinner with all of, it’s been too long.” Mom was beaming. Sometimes I wondered if mom loved Loki more than I do.

Did.

My mind was still an absolute whirlwind. Barely an hour ago, David and I were at dinner, talking about our daughter’s future and reconsidering where our relationship stood. Then I see Loki’s car in my parent's driveway with his stupid “God of Mischief” vanity plates, next thing I know were kissing, uprooting so many feelings I had pushed down over the last 3 years; and now Loki was eating dinner at my house like we had years ago. My emotions were a constant ebb and flow or fury, and affection One moment, I suppressed every urge I had to cause a scene and demand answers from Loki. The next, I wanted Loki to take me in his arms again and to pick up where we had left off. I still couldn’t comprehend how someone who I spent almost every day with since I was 18 to just suddenly vanished. I mean, I knew about Loki being a god. I knew about his brother, Asgard, and the Avengers. I didn’t know everything, but he had told me bits and pieces and opened up to me over the years. I also knew he would have to leave occasionally concerning “family squabbles” and things concerning the Avengers, but he would always let me know ahead of time and would even send his illusion to check in on me.

The leading theory I had settled on for Loki leaving was I thought I scared him off because of the last conversation we had. Petty, I know, but I couldn’t think of anything else it could possibly be.

I remembered every detail about our last conversation, probably because I played the moment repeatedly, trying to figure out what went wrong.

It was almost the end of the semester. Loki and I were in a local coffee shop, close enough to the college to walk, but not close enough where it was bombarded by other collegians studying for finals. Loki was actually helping me study for my other classes besides literature. I was studying for a freshman world geography class, an easy elective I took to boost my GPA. We had both ordered our drinks (Loki drank an Italian roast, black, and I had a cortado.)

While he was helping me study the countries of the Eastern Hemisphere, I looked up at him.

“Do you think you’ll ever get married? Or have kids?”

While Loki took a sip of his coffee, his eyes quickly shifted to me.

“I mean, one day. I’m not saying to me—or anything—um, I was just curious. Plus I’m bored of studying.” I gave an awkward laugh, trying to hide my cheeks turning a bright shade of crimson.

Loki bit his lip and tilted his head up and looked off in the distance. I felt like I could actually see wheels turning in his head. Then he spoke.

“I honestly cannot answer that.”

“Oh…”

“Well, I don’t know, truthfully. Marriage seems so, arbitrary to me. Especially, as a god, time means nothing to me, but to Midgardians, time is so precious, so you decide one person to spend that time with until your dying breath. So if I were to marry an Asgardian, I would be tied to them for possibly, millennia. And if I was to marry a Midgardian, they will have already lived a quarter of their life. I’ve been alive far too long and have learned there is no point in getting attached to something I cannot keep.”

He spoke so matter-of-factly that it almost brought me to tears. Was that all I was to him? A mere mortal with 25% of my life over. I felt foolish for thinking I could be more to him than a Midgardian “friend with benefits.”

Pretending not to be hurt, however, I nodded nonchalantly as I listened to his rant and took a sip of my drink. He continued.

“I could see myself having children though, one day.”

“So you can’t see yourself getting married, but you can see yourself having children? Alrighty then.” I laughed, accidentally letting my hurt feelings slip into my reply.

“Do you see a problem with that, love?”

“No, not at all, to each his own. So kids huh?” He looked at me and gave me a rueful grin. 

“I would love to give my children the childhood I always craved.”

I gave a sympathetic groan and reached out for his arm and gave him a gentle squeeze. I didn’t want to press the issue further. I knew how sensitive he was about the subject. After a few moments, Loki spoke again, looking directly into my eyes.

“Did you ask me that, because I am someone you would want to marry?”

My eyes inadvertently widened and swallowed a little harder than necessary. I felt a little uneasy because Loki refused to break eye contact with me.

“Honestly, Loki…” I felt instant nausea from my nerves.

“Yes?”

“You are someone I want to marry. Why wouldn’t I? You’re amazing, you’re well read, you’re kind, but more importantly, you’re my best friend, of course, you’re someone I would want to fucking marry! I don’t care if I’ve ‘lived a quarter of my life’ already if you love someone you choose to love them no matter what!” I spoke a little louder than I intended too because a few coffee shop patrons turned their heads toward our table.

Loki chuckled at my obvious embarrassment. I gave an awkward half-smile and placed my hands on my face as if trying to wipe away my blushing cheeks. Loki grinned at me and brushed a few strands of hair away from my face before he spoke again.

“Well, darling, I am very flattered.” He placed a gentle kiss on my forehead. “Now how about we get back to studying? You need to do well on your exam.”

The quick change of subject confused me for a second before I agreed with him and I began to study for my exam again. After a while, I was ready to go call it a day. Loki offered to give me a ride home, but I initially declined and told him I’d walk; partly because that day was uncharacteristically mild for winter and I wanted to enjoy the lovely weather; also I was extremely embarrassed about the conversation we had inside the coffee shop. But Loki insisted that he take me home and I, not in a mood to argue, I caved. The car ride was awkward, neither of us said anything the whole trip which generally wouldn’t be all that unusual, but because the conversation did not go as planned on my part, I felt that maybe I had crossed the line. When Loki finally reached my driveway, he parked his car and looked at me.

“Y/n, I want to apologize if what I said hurt you. Please don’t misunderstand me, I care for you deeply. I may not know what the future holds but what I know for certain is that you belong to me, and I belong to you, no matter what happens.”

I smiled at him, exhaling a breath I held in the whole car ride; thankful for his reassurance. Loki and I never had any labels in our relationship which was alright for the most part because I knew he cared for me, but every once in a while it was nice to hear him tell me how he felt. Even if he did think marriage was just a quirky Midgardian tradition. But one part of what he said caught me off guard: ‘No matter what happens’”? What does that mean? Ultimately, I shook it off as me being too analytical and leaned in to kiss Loki.

“I love you too, Loki.”

I stepped out of his car and waved back at him, “See you tomorrow!”

He waved back at me and drove off. That was the last time I saw or spoke to Loki.

********************

Dinner with Loki and my parents went as well as expected. The meal mom prepared was delicious, Rachel only threw half of her food on the floor, and mom and dad bombarded Loki with questions.

“So where have you been, Loki? We were starting to worry about ya.” Dad said, giving Loki a pat on his back.

“I have been rather busy with work, I’ve done a little bit of traveling, and also spending time with my family.”

I rolled my eyes. I swear to god he better not lie to me like that when he accounts for the last few years.

“Well, it’s good to have you back, Sweetheart.” Mom cut in, “Will we see more of you?”

Loki looked over at me when he answered, “Yes indeed. I’m not going anywhere as long as I can help it.”

I rolled my eyes again, trying to hide the smile forming on my lips.

Once dinner was over, leftovers and dishes put away, My parents said their “goodnights” and left for bed. I also excused myself for a brief moment, needing to get Rachel ready for bed. Before I carried Rachel to her room, Loki reached for Rachel’s little hand, “Goodnight little love, thank you for showing me all your toys this evening.” Rachel babbled incoherently and gave Loki a smile showing all the teeth she had.

“I think somebody likes you” I smirked, “Say ‘thank you Loki for playing with me’”

Rachel babbled again while Loki lowered himself to her eye level, giving her his undivided attention.

“Well, it was my pleasure, Rachel. Have pleasant dreams.”

I  left and tucked Rachel into her little bed, and she fell asleep shortly after. As she slept, I stared at her for a moment before heading back to the living room. I thought about how adorable Loki was with my daughter. Interacting with children seemingly came so naturally to him. I also wished that David would be the same way with Rachel. He was a great father in that he worked hard to provide for her, but that was the only way David showed he loved her, especially after we parted ways. David wouldn’t play with her, and would hardly make time to spend time alone with her. He blamed work for not being around Rachel as often as he should. David worked for his father’s law firm. Influential attorneys defending the most guilty and the richest. I know Rachel was far too young to understand the nuances of a father/daughter relationship, but whenever David would walk past her or halfheartedly acknowledge her, I could see in her little eyes, that it hurt her.

I made my way back to the living room and saw Loki sitting on the couch, waiting for me. He stood when I re-entered the room and made his way toward me.

“I should probably get going, I know we could all use a restful nights sleep.”

“We still need to talk—”

“I haven’t forgotten,” Loki gently interrupted, “Why don’t we meet in the morning for breakfast, we can go anywhere you want to go.”

“Well, my parents can’t watch Rachel tomorrow, they both have something they have to go to, so if we go anywhere, Rachel will have to come.”

Loki’s face lit up, “That sounds delightful! We shall make a day out of it then.” His hand reached down placed his palm on my face like he had earlier. This time I didn’t swat him away, instead, I wrapped my arms around him. I missed feeling his body against mine. Loki pulled me in closer and rested his chin on top of my head.

Sadly we were interrupted by my phone vibrating. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and saw a text from David reading: Hey, we need to finish talking when you get a chance. We couldn’t with that guy hanging around. Text me back ASAP.

I groaned. Loki peaked at David’s message and scoffed,“‘That guy’? Charming.”

“You have no idea,” I replied, more to myself than Loki.

Loki’s face turned concerned, “What do you mean?”

“Ugh, he’s just—sometimes he’s a dick, but otherwise he’s alright. He makes sure Rachel is taken care of, so that’s all I care about.” Giving me a dubious look, I reassured Loki that I was fine and that David was just annoying sometimes. Reaching for my hand, Loki made his way toward the front door.

“Well, I better go, love. I look forward to spending the day with you and Rachel.” Loki pulled me close and kissed me on the lips before closing the door behind him. I peeked out the front window and saw him stoop down into his car, rev his engine, and drive off. What have you been up to, Loki Odinson?

**************

David, back at his penthouse apartment, reclined in his Eames chair, sipping away at bourbon and fiddled with his phone. He had searched the name “Loki Odinson” over and over on Google but only found references to Norse Mythology.

Who the fuck is this guy?

David exited his Google Search and began scrolling through his contact list until he found the name, Darren. He pressed the call icon and waited for him to answer.

“Hey David, you’re up late.” “Darren. I have a favor to ask.” “Anything Chief, what do you need?” “I need you to look into someone for me, the name: ‘Loki Odinson.’”

“You got it, boss. I’ll see what I can find.”

Darren ended the call, and David went to his iPhone photo album. He scrolled through his pictures until he found an old picture of Y/N.

This stupid bitch better be careful. She’s gonna get her heart broken all over again.

Taglist: 

@imasultforlokiandspencerreid 

@crescent-night

@portietomednalynn

[notcaycepollard]

those screengrabs from dear white people w/ tessa thompson you just reblogged are sam & bucky in a college au

WOW YOU ARE NOT WRONG

It’s not that Bucky thinks Steve’s roommate is a dick, or anything. Hell, he seems like a good guy, especially given he’s helped Steve rescue Bucky from misguided decisions and poorly thought through situations at least three times. Four if you count the time Steve and Sam got into a fistfight with the president of Hydra Kappa Phi while Bucky was throwing up in the frat house bathroom in nothing but his underwear and some silver body paint. And yeah, Sam’s probably got more than enough reason to hate Bucky now, given that whole thing ended with Bucky puking on Wilson’s shoes while weakly insisting that it wasn’t hazing, the frat was totally cool, he was gonna keep pledging like it was his damn mission. Once you throw up on someone’s shoes, Bucky thinks, you’re probably not gonna be cool with each other. 

It’s just. It’s just, if he’s being truthful, Sam Wilson is super fucking great, the kind of great that’d make you spit if he weren’t also such a nice fucking person. It’s not enough that he’d got the 4.0 GPA and double major in psych and polsci and fuckin’ track scholarship, he’s gotta go and be the kind of person who runs the LGBT students’ association and volunteers down at the VA for extra counselling experience, and on top of all that he’s really goddamn beautiful. Bucky’d already noticed him before the whole Hydra Kappa Phi debacle, had furtively checked him out across their mutual Eng 201 class, but he’d really noticed Sam was beautiful, had gotten up close with the curl of his lashes and his smooth brown skin, about the same time he was heaving the last quarter of a forty of grain alcohol all over Wilson’s nice white sneakers, and ever since then, well. 

He’d woken up the next morning feeling like something unutterably terrible had happened to him, squinted at his surroundings—Steve’s suite bathroom floor, cool—and staggered into their room, wondering if maybe he was dying or maybe had in fact already died and was just a shambling corpse, and Sam fuckin’ Wilson had glanced over at him, scowled a little, said man, you owe me some new kicks, and Bucky had thought, bleakly: well, fuck me.

Ever since then they’ve kind of maintained an awkwardly distant relationship, Steve’s two best friends who don’t quite get along, and now it’s like six years later and Bucky knows Sam Wilson is a good guy, more than just a good guy but someone who Bucky’s accidentally kind of fallen way too deep for even as Sam politely but barely acknowledges his existence. Bucky wants to mend that bridge, smooth it all over, say hey how about we forget what a fuckin’ disaster I was in undergrad, we’re adults now, let’s start fresh, and then maybe, how about we get a drink sometime, but it all, when Bucky’s being bleakly honest with himself, seems more than a little like an entirely lost cause.

He’s sitting in Steve’s office one evening, waiting for him to finish grading; honestly the TA offices are more like depressingly tiny cubicles than actual offices but it’s a better spot than the grad lounge if only because the couch doesn’t feel too gross to sit on, so Bucky’s got his laptop out, is working on his Comparative Lit paper while he waits. He pulls up iTunes to switch albums, notices something odd in his Mac library.

FALCON, it says, and Bucky clicks on it, because Dostoevsky is fine but he’s been working on this paper for about three thousand hours, and someone clearly hasn’t turned off their Mac library sharing permissions.

It’s Sam Wilson’s music library. Bucky figures it out pretty quickly—Janelle Monáe, Vince Staples, Kendrick Lamar and Frank Ocean, Sam’s got as good taste in music as everything else. There’s a bunch of Belle and Sebastian and Camera Obscura which Bucky’s willing to bet is something Steve passed on and Sam politely listened to once before forgetting it exists, a bit of Marvin Gaye, and Bucky scrolls through, tries out Erykah Badu, a little Anderson .Paak. And then he spots it, right at the bottom, like Sam’s trying to hide it even from himself.

“Oh my god,” Bucky mutters to himself, gleeful. “Oh my god.”

“Hmm?” Steve asks, distracted from his class’s papers on fuckin’ mid-century American politics or whatever it is Steve’s tutoring this semester, and Bucky shakes his head, waves Steve off. 

“Oh my god,” he whispers again. Pulls up a browser window, runs a search, looks at his bank account. Fuck, this is— it’s stupid, he doesn’t really have the money, his savings are low and his grad stipend’s gotta last for another month, but it’s too good an opportunity, and before Bucky really thinks about it, he’s clicked book now.

He goes back over to the TA offices the next day when he knows Steve’s got a three-hour lecture across campus. Knocks on the door of Sam’s cubicle, and Sam looks up from his trauma psych notes, squints at Bucky through his reading glasses.

“Steve’s not here, man, come back later.”

“No, I know. I, uh. I came to talk to you.”

“To talk to me,” Sam repeats, obviously perplexed, and Bucky shrugs, already regretting everything that’s led him here. Sam gestures at his own couch, slightly less ratty than Steve’s, and Bucky sits down, wipes his palms on his jeans.

“Yeah. Well, I mean. To give you these, actually.” He hands the envelope to Sam before he can make it any damper, clutching it in a sweaty hand, and Sam blinks at it for a minute. “Well, open it,” Bucky says, even more awkward now, and Sam blinks again, opens the envelope and pulls out the tickets.

“What,” he says, flat. Bucky grins. 

“I figured, right, we could go.”

“What,” Sam repeats. Looks from the tickets to Bucky and back again. “Am I hallucinating? Is this a stress dream? Did Maria put her secret study formula in my coffee again to test it out on me?”

“You have a thing for Taylor Swift,” Bucky says, undeterred. Sam shakes his head. “You do. I know because my Mac picked up your music library.”

“No, man, that was from Steve,” Sam tries, “I never even listened to it, it just got added in the last compilation he gave me,” and it’s Bucky’s turn to shake his head.

“It ain’t. You think I don’t know Steve’s music? Besides, he won’t download her, you know he thinks she’s a succubus. And anyway, I checked your number of plays. You’ve listened to 1989 like four thousand times, sweetheart.”

“I cannot believe this,” Sam mutters. “Fuck, I was so careful.”

“You gotta change your privacy settings,” Bucky tells him, magnanimous now. “And you gotta go to Taylor Swift with me.”

“I am not going to Taylor Swift,” Sam says. “With you or otherwise, Barnes.”

“Come on, those cost me almost three hundred bucks,” Bucky says. “I’m gonna have to eat ramen and dining hall coffee for the next month. Besides, who’s gonna know? Nobody will see us. Your cred is safe. Just shake it off, baby.”

“No,” Sam says. “No, Barnes, we’re not doing this.”

“Look what you made me do,” Bucky offers. One corner of Sam’s mouth crooks upward, like he’s willing himself not to smile. “You’re so gorgeous, I can’t say anything to your face.”

“No,” Sam says again, “nuh uh, stop this,” and reaches out, tries to cover Bucky’s mouth with his hand. Bucky grins at him, shifts out of range.

“I’m so furious at you for making me feel this way,” he says, deadpan, and this time Sam flings himself at Bucky, wrestles him down against the couch to press his palm over Bucky’s mouth.

“You are the worst,” he says, glaring at Bucky. “I hate you.” And then he’s grinning outright, leaning in, hissing in Bucky’s ear. “I knew you were trouble when you walked in.”

“It’s a love story,” Bucky says, muffled against Sam’s palm. Grabs Sam’s wrist and pulls his hand away, strokes his thumb over Sam’s warm pulse point; Sam’s in his lap looking furious and aroused and right on the edge of laughter, and Bucky didn’t really think this was possible, but— “Baby,” he says, solemn, “just say yes.”

“Fuck you,” Sam says, with feeling, and slams his mouth against Bucky’s, kissing him hard. “Yes, fine, yes, I’ll go to fucking Taylor Swift with you, my entire life is an embarrassing lie.”

“Uh,” someone says fifteen minutes later, and they quit furiously making out to discover one of Sam’s students standing in his office doorway looking vaguely embarrassed. “I can come back later?”

“I,” Sam says. Clears his throat and visibly tries to pull himself together, which is absolutely fucking unacceptable given that thirty seconds ago Bucky had his mouth on Sam’s throat and Sam had both hands up Bucky’s shirt, and Bucky has been pining over this for like six fucking years.

“Yeah, no, this is a bad time. Come back during his office hours,” Bucky says firmly, getting up to close the door.

“This is my office hours,” Sam says, only a little reproachfully, and Bucky shrugs, locks the door.

[yuniesan]

Girl Meets Season 6 - Episode Two – Girl Meets Roommate

Synopsis: The Journey from High School and into College will test everything Riley knew about her life, her friendships and her love. What life lessons will she learn in her first year of college?  

Previous Episodes [1]

A/N: School is kicking my butt, but yay I finished this part!!!!!!

Episode Two – Girl Meets Roommate

Riley and Lucas had returned from Texas only to have to finish packing and getting ready for the move to school in a few days. In those days her father had become unbearable because his fear of her leaving was heavy on his mind. Every time she thought about leaving the house just to see her friends or to see Lucas her father would follow her to the door and then give her something else to do instead.

“Mom,” she called out once she arrived at the café. “Dad’s becoming crazier as the days go by,” she sighed as she draped herself over the counter.

“Sorry Riley,” her mother said before pulling her up. “He’s afraid of losing you, even though I told him that you weren’t going to be faraway.”

“Why is he different with Auggie?” she asked knowing that her brother wasn’t at fault for her father’s behavior.

“Father’s are more protective of their daughters, also I’m pretty sure that he’s crazy and I should have him committed,” her mother gave her a wide smile as she said the words. She knew that her mother was joking but somedays she wished that her father would learn to let go just a little. “Riley, you’re still seventeen, he’s just worried.”

“I know, it’s just that I wish he wouldn’t worry so much, it’s not like I picked a school across the country, the school is within driving distance.”

“I sometimes wish you had picked a school on the other side of the country, because that way he wouldn’t have the chance to annoy you so much,” her mother sighed, and Riley knew that this had something to do with her giving something up a long time ago, something in California, but her parents loved each other and they would follow one another to the ends of the world.

“Hey Riley,” someone said from behind her and when Riley turned around she saw her friends smiling at her.

“I may have made a call,” her mother said before turning around and getting back to work. “You’re welcome,” she said from the other side of the room.

“Thanks mom,” Riley called out before walking over to where everyone was sitting, the only people missing were Josh, Zay and Cassie.

“Your dad’s becoming a monster, or at least that’s what your mother was saying,” Maya said as Riley sat down in between her best friend and her boyfriend.

“Yeah well apparently me leaving, even when I left for Texas was too much for him,” Riley said before burying her face in Lucas’s shoulder and taking in the smell of Lucas. She wished some days that she could bottle it up and keep it close because it felt comforting to know that he was around even in spirit.

“Well Shawn’s the same way,” Maya said slumping over on the couch. “He actually kicked Josh out of the house a few days ago, and I haven’t seen him since.”

“He went to see my grandparents so he should be back before the new semester starts,” she said as she took her best friend’s hand and held it close, Maya leaned into Riley’s side and stayed there. “By the way where’s Zay and Cassie, I feel like I haven’t seen either of them.”

“No one knows,” Lucas said looking around to see if anyone would say anything but everyone just shrugged. They had all been busy buying things for school, but Zay had still sent them messages until he had stopped completely the day before Riley and Lucas had gotten back from Texas.

Riley was hoping that her two friends were just spending time with their families, and that nothing was wrong. She made a mental note to call both Cassie and Zay when she got home and find out where the two of them had gone off too. The rest of the afternoon the group spent inside the café talking about school and their trip up that Friday for when they would have to move into the dorms.

“Smackle and I are roommates,” Maya said to Riley and she knew that Maya had wanted them to be roommates but somehow felt that for Maya, getting to know Smackle like this would be a big leap.

“Lucas, Zay and I are together, but our dorm is on the other side of the campus,” Farkle added, smiling at Smackle as he said it. “They say absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

“I will endeavor to miss you as well beloved,” Smackle said smiling at Farkle, and Riley couldn’t help but think that they had actually become cuter over the years.

“My dorm is in between the guys and Maya and Smackle’s dorm,” Riley said wishing that she had at least gotten the chance to be in the same dorm as Maya but that hadn’t happened.

“We’re actually going to be separated Riles,” Maya said her face sad for a moment. “We’ve never been this far apart before.”

Riley couldn’t help but laugh at those words, “New experiences, plus you heard Farkle absence makes the heart grow fonder,” she said before smiling up at Lucas who kissed her on her head as a way of saying that he understood as well.

“Is Cassie your roommate?” Maya asked her after a moment had passed and Riley just shook her head.

“Nope,” she said thinking about having to meet someone new on the first day. “Her name is Samaira, apparently she went to Einstein Academy, and she lives here in the city as well but I keep wondering if I’ve ever met her.”

“I know her, she is a comparable person to myself, she’s studying to become a cardiovascular physician, but whereas I left Einstein Academy she stayed there and continued her studies among other intellectuals,” Smackle said to them.

“We love you too Smackle,” Maya said.

“Did I say something wrong?” Smackle asked looking over at Maya who slumped over into Riley’s side.

“I don’t know if I’m going to survive living with Smackle,” Maya said into her arm and Riley rubbed her back.

“You need someone with that kind of honesty in your life Maya,” Riley said to her before turning to Smackle. “Do you think we would get along?”

“I believe so, you two have similar outlooks on life, you believe in the best in people even when some others don’t believe it, and she’s incredibly kind to others,” Smackle said smiling at Riley in her own awkward way.  

When move in day arrived, Riley had almost screamed out the car window, her father had worn a special shirt with her face on it, and then put stickers on the car announcing it to the world that she was going to college. Luckily her mother pulled the stickers off before they left but the man hadn’t let up, he was going to annoy her to the end of time.

“Daddy, please don’t wear that shirt,” she begged but her father just looked at her and got into his car and closed the door.

“Let him have his fun Riley,” her mother said kissing her on the cheek. “We’re taking you to college, when will we see you again?”

“Apparently every week until the end of time,” she said to her mother before mumbling to herself, “maybe I should have gone to California.”

Her mother smiled at her and gave her a hug, “It’ll be fine, I’ll keep him busy so that he doesn’t do anything rash like try to get a job at your school.”

“Seriously why isn’t he like this with Auggie? I need to know,” she asked but her mother just shrugged.

“I think it’s a guy thing I’m not sure, but trust me the moment we put everything in your dorm I’ll try my best to drag him out.”

“Good luck with that,” her father said from the driver’s seat.

Auggie was with Ava for the day while they drove up but Riley had hugged her brother after breakfast, promising that they would talk as much as possible, they had even opened up a special messenger app for them to talk through. Auggie still didn’t have his own phone, but he had a tablet and that was going to be the only way they were going to be able to talk until their parents gave him his own phone.

The drive up to the school was filled with her father telling them stories about Riley growing up, and then him sobbing as he drove saying things like, “I should have cherished those moments more,” or “Why does she have to leave me.” Her mother was laughing the whole time but after putting her things in her room Riley knew that she was going to miss her parents as well.

“I love you guys,” she said hugging them close. “Thank you for being my parents.”

“I love you too Riley,” her mother said as she rubbed her back.

“I don’t want you to stay,” her father protested. “I don’t want you to grow up, I want you to be that little girl in the bay window forever just singing to yourself.”

“Cory,” her mother said trying to pry her father off of her but he just held on tighter. “Come on Cory, we’ll come up for parents’ weekend and spend the whole time up here with her. I ever booked a hotel room for us for that weekend so that we wouldn’t leave until Sunday.”

“Fine Topanga, but don’t come crying to me when our daughter gets in trouble, or when she starts saying that she wants to come home.”

It took her mother another twenty minutes before her father let go of her and they had finally left, her room was filled with boxes of her stuff, and she stood there wondering which side of the room she could take. Her roommate hadn’t arrived just yet and Riley was truly alone, Maya hadn’t driven up just yet because Shawn had made them have a family lunch together before packing up the car. Lucas had to wait until later this afternoon to leave because he was waiting for Zay who Riley still hadn’t had the chance to talk to. He was avoiding her, and she didn’t know why, on top of that Cassie’s phone had been disconnected which only worried her even more.

Riley decided on taking the bed closest to the window, because it would remind her of the bay window in her bedroom and how the light came into the room in the mornings. She started unpacking when the door opened and a man walked in holding a large box. Riley quickly went to the door and held it open.

“Thank you,” he said before walking to the empty side of the room and setting the box down. When he turned around he saw a familiar head of brown hair, and the face of someone she hadn’t seen in a long time, not since sophomore year of high school.

“Mr. Bradford,” she squeaked out, her heart jumping. “What are you doing here?”

“Riley,” he said smiling at her for a moment. “My step-daughter Sam is your roommate, this is a small world after all.”

“Yes, it is,” a familiar voice said from behind her making Riley want to run out of the room. She remembered Missy, she remembered the last time they had seen each other, right before she had been expelled from Abigail Addams for bullying Riley and getting caught.

“Missy be nice,” Mr. Bradford said before pulling her out of the room shortly after another girl walked in, her hair was long and black, but her smile made Riley pause for a moment. This person wasn’t like Missy, she seemed nicer, and if what Smackle had said was right she was a smart person who wanted to be a doctor.

“Hi,” a woman said from the door, her features similar to the younger woman, this was her mother. “You must be Riley.”

“Yes, I’m Riley,” she answered her heart was calming down after the confrontation with Missy.

“I’m Arya, this is my daughter Samaira,” she said pointing out the girl who was going to be Riley’s roommate for the year. “It’s so nice to meet you.”

“It’s nice to meet you as well,” Riley said holding out her hand to greet the woman.

“Mom go help dad with the rest of my things please,” the other girl said before her mother nodded and smiled at the two of them.

“Okay Sam, I understand that you don’t want your overbearing mother around,” Arya said before walking off leaving the two girls behind.

“So,” Riley said looking down at her feet.

“I know about your history with Missy,” Samaira said before turning to Riley. “I’m sorry for anything she has done to you but please don’t think that I’m the same.”

“I don’t even know you, so I won’t pass judgement,” Riley answered before looking up at her new roommate. “Let’s start over, wipe the slate clean.”

“Okay,” she said turning to Riley. “Hi, my name is Sam, I’m your roommate.”

“Hi, I’m Riley,” she said and the two of them laughed for a moment breaking the tension that had built up from the moment Mr. Bradford had walked in through the door. “I picked the bed near the window, I hope that’s okay with you.”

“Yes, because I’m not a big morning person so the wall can prevent the sun from hitting me in the eye,” Sam said smiling at Riley. “I’m not joking either, I turn into a she beast when I don’t have coffee first thing in the morning.”

“I feel like I should have brought a coffee maker with me,” Riley said.

“Don’t worry, I brought mine with me, so I hope you like cappuccinos.”

“Like them I used to make them,” Riley said before sitting down on her bed. “I used to help out at my mother’s café, it’s called Topanga’s.”

“I’ve been there before, they had the best pastries in the world.”

Riley pulled out a bag that her mother had given her and handed it to Sam, “My mother gave me this before I left, she called it a little bit of home, so we can share it if you want.”

“This is great Riley,” Sam said opening the bag and sniffing its contents. “We’re going to be good friends I know it.”

“And all I needed was a bag full of pastries,” Riley said smiling before she heard a groan from the door making her jump.

“Could you help us?” Missy said as she walked in with a box in her hands. “The fast we get this over with the faster I can go to my school and get away from you all.”

“I’m just going to help them bring my things in,” Sam said gesturing towards the door before walking out with Missy.

Riley just stood there for a moment and looked at her room trying to find a place to start, after a minute there was a knock on the door and Riley was afraid to turn around. She slowly turned towards the door to see a familiar pair of eyes and rowdy hair, she couldn’t help but smile as Zay walked in through the door but she could feel a hint of something in him.

“I asked Lucas to let me come see you before he rushed over to proclaim his undying love for you,” Zay said as he walked into the room. “I figured we could talk.”

“I’ve been wondering why you’ve been avoiding me,” Riley said to him. The two of them had gotten closer over the years and if felt as if this past summer they had grown apart even though it wasn’t possible.

“I sort of was,” he said before settling on her bed. “Cassie and I broke up over the summer.”

Riley couldn’t help but gasp as the words came out of his mouth, she felt responsible for his heartbreak, she had been the one to introduce them. For a moment she didn’t know what to do, they had been so happy she couldn’t figure out what had happened.

“I know that face, and Riley it’s not your fault,” he said looking up at her. “Cassie’s mom got sick again and her doctors told her that it would be better if she lived somewhere calmer and less polluted, Cassie loves her family so when they said that they were moving to Florida she decided to go with them.”

“You broke up because you were going to be apart, but what if she wanted to come back?”

“That the thing, we don’t know what the future holds, but she wanted me to have the chance to be happy even if it wasn’t with her,” he said before the tears began to fall. “It just hurts so much to not have her here with me some days.”

Riley walked over to him and pulled him into her arms, it was the only thing she could do, because he had lost someone he loved, and it was going to hurt him for a while. They stayed quiet for a moment before the sound of her roommate and her family reminded her of her current situation, one that she didn’t want Zay to have to deal with.

“My roommate is coming, if you want to meet her you can stay,” she said and he nodded.

“I’ll stay,” he said smiling at her. “I need a friend, one that knows what’s going on.”

“You don’t want the others to know?”

“Not right now,” he said trying to clean his face so that the tear marks wouldn’t show. “If that’s alright with you?”

“Well if you want a distraction you’re about to get a big one,” she said with a sigh. “My roommate is Missy Bradford’s step-sister.”

“What,” Zay said looking at her with shock. “She’s not like Missy, is she?”

“I don’t think so, according to Smackle she’s a nice person, but for some reason a lot of things are clicking in place from what happened in middle school.”

“Riley,” Sam said from the door. “I brought the coffee machine… oh you have someone here.”

“Yeah, um… Sam this is my friend Zay,” she said introducing the two of them. “Oh, and I brought a mini fridge but it’s still in the box, so I hope you didn’t get one too.”

“No, actually now that I think about it I should have thought of that too.”

“Should I go,” Zay said but Riley shook her head.

“You can help us unpack,” she said to him before leaning towards him. “And help me get through this moment because I don’t think I’m ready for a faceoff with Missy.”

“You got it sugar,” he said smiling at the two of them. “Just tell me where to move things and I’ll help you.”

Riley and Zay had been quiet when the rest of the Bradford’s had come into the room, Sam’s mom was kind to them, but Riley could see Missy scowling at her. When her parents left Missy turned her attention to Zay and Riley and sneered.

“I guess Lucas didn’t stay after all if you’re with this one,” Missy said but before Riley or Zay could say something Lucas came in and towered over Missy.

“I stayed, we’re still together, and if you ever say anything to Riley, or Zay that would piss me off I won’t hesitate to punch you,” he said but Riley moved faster than she thought she could, pulling Lucas away from Missy and settling him next to Zay.

“Missy I don’t want any problems,” Sam said from the other side of the room.

“She started it,” Missy retorted but they all knew that that wasn’t true. “Whatever, you have your stuff now we can leave.”

“Okay,” Sam said before following Missy out. “I’m so sorry about all of that,” she said before closing the door.

Riley turned towards Lucas and put her hand on his face, “It’s fine she wouldn’t do anything around her father.”

“She shouldn’t have been here in the first place,” he said before pulling her close. Too many memories filled the air, the fear of everything that had happened to them over the years because of Missy, and her friends.

“I think I understand now,” Zay said and Riley looked up to him. “I’m guessing around the time she started bullying you in middle school was the same time her father had remarried, because that woman was not Missy’s mother.”

“I was thinking the same thing, and she lashed out at me because of who I was, and what I had,” Riley said with a sigh. “I was an easy target.”

The three of them stayed silent for a moment before Sam walked back into the room sighing, “I love my mother and my step-father, but I sometimes wish that Missy was a better person.”

“We all wish that,” Zay said giving Sam a smile and Riley knew that Sam was about to become a part of their little group of friends.

“I know about your history together, I hadn’t known when they had given me my roommate assignment that you were the same person, but I knew who you were, and trust me I’m nothing like my step-sister.”

“I know, I knew from the moment we spoke that you were a kind person,” Riley said with a smile. “Come on let’s unpack and then we can go to the freshman orientation and you can meet my friends.”

“Sure,” Sam said with a smile.

Riley understood at that moment that her whole life was going to change, because if she could see someone who tormented her over the years and still come out happy then she could survive college. It was going to be hard but she had her friends, her little family, her new roommate and she had Lucas who was willing to fight for her no matter what.

[survivedposts]

I am quite shy, Non talkative person, introvert. I prefer to be alone. Most of the time i have a thought, is it all I was born with. Thinking about it I tried my best to recall all memories of childhood. But as usual no one can remember every thing from past. I was having very little memory of my childhood. Then I started gathering my memories from my relative and my parents. Of course secretly, they were not knowing the intention I was asking this details. Now its being almost 1 year analysing myself, I came to conclusion who I am. The personality i am now in and that to my childhood was totally different. Some relatives told me that I was naughty, smart most talkative and many more.... I was actually thinking to belive them or not. Because it was a totally opposite version of mine to that of now. But then i related their comments with whatever memory I was having of my past. And finally the result of this self study was that I was not born with the personality currently I am in.So there was series of incident in my life which made me like that.

I am quite introvert and can't express my feelings to anyone. Rather I fear to tell anyone what happened in my life as they can laugh at me. So I decided to write all my story step by step to express myself atleast on phone. And will continue to write this till I become the next Albert Einstein.

Till 2nd class. My life was quite ordinary like others during this phase of my life. I used to play, enjoy school and all the other stuff too. In this age, i saw my sister beaten by my mom and dad several time as she was very arrogant and stubborn.so i was quite afraid that if I do something wrong I will punished like that. The first fear of my life. But it was ok. I was able to handle it.

Then I shifted when I was in 2nd class. I had a proper school life. I was having Friends in society and school.

I was somewhat physically weak from my childhood so I was the weakest among all my friends. So I was not able to cope with there ability of playing or adventuring(climbing wall and other stuff) . But still I tried my level best. And even my voice is softer. Now all my friend use to tease me that I am like a girl. My voice is like a girl. You don't have strength. They use to call me (un-man). Initially I took it as a joke and let it go. Eventually teasing me got quite increased. I was growing along with that the teasing also increased and now it started commenting on my genitals. During that time my motivation to play with them started reducing. So I started drawing and started developing some other habits.

Some months were quite ok. But one day my Mom said " why are you sitting at home like a girl, go out and play"... That day I was in deeeeeeeep thinking, do I really behave like a girl that everyone is calling me a girl. I mostly noticed that my voice and my body language was not like a boy. Thats why it was quite noticeable by others. As my mom said I should play outside I started playing with them. But they don't stopped teasing me. I was in 5th or in 6th that time. Now at this age they found a new way of teasing me. They were forcefully showing me some nudity images and checking if there any Erection in my penis or not. And actually i was not attracted to such nudity at that age atleast so it was never happening . So now they found another way to tease me. And this was the time when I loose confidence in myself. I never discussed this problem with anyone. I was having fear talking to anyone. I was having fear that anyone will again call me girl after hearing my voice. So this was the 4-5 years journey of my becoming introvert. This is not the end of my story.

After I completed my 6th class we, whole family went shifted again as my DAD was pursuing PHD for 4 years . Actually I was relieved that I will not be tortured by my friends anymore. But the my confidence was as usual very low. The fear that someone will call me girl again was always a load on my heart. With that load I went to Nagpur. I was actually happy. Life was going ok. New school, new friend, New society. Now I was avoiding the people who can tease me. And I was trying to be like a boy which society wants. I never understood if I was weak is it my mistake. If i have soft voice is it my mistake. If I have different hobbies then where am I wrong... It was quite exhausting mentally as well as physical. Before uttering a single word i used to think atleast 100 times. Thinking about, will this word suit to be like a boy or i will be again called girl by my friends.. Some how I was building friends in school as well as in our society. And my 7th class passed OK. But what i noticed that the school I was in was the topp school in which most the students are scoring about 99% and i was an average student around 70-80%(this marks was that to because of science and maths).. Even at home parents use to compare my marks with others marks. Now the load that I have to pretend like a boy was added by another load that I also have to pretend that I am intelligent. Or i would be isolated by all my friends. And this is what happened eventually, i was isolated by other friends. So i was sitting in one corner of my class. But I was Ok with that, they were atleast not teasing me or insulting me.

Now even in our society I made some friends. I played a lot with this friends. Played throw ball, badminton etc. First year was ok. Then even this friend was calling me that you behave like a girl and all that stuff. At this stage I was totally collaped. And even sometimes some relative called me you behave like a girl. (they were telling it casually). But it reduced my morale. I was collaped mentally. I was thinking that I cannot meet anyone further.

In school along with me a pretty girl named aditi also joined the school at same day I joined. In school students actually make pair like girlfriend boyfriend on their own. And there was quite similarities in us, like skin complexion of both were quite matching. We both were fair. Even she was having mole on his face almost exactly at the same place. So all student use to tease us as a life partner. But as i was so demotivated in my life and having tremendous social anxiety that I was avoiding talking to her. Thinking even she will feel that I am Unmam.

The height happened when our class teacher ones punished our entire class to sit in a pair of girl and boy on one bench. As the student will speak less when they will sit like that. And then teacher started calling rollno of one girl and one boy randomly. And guess who was pair of mine......... My pair the the new admission girl Aditi. Now the whole class actually got the reason to tease us. I was actually not having any problem as she was sweet girl. But for the whole 2 years I was not able to gather any guts to talk to any one not even Aditi.

My routine was like going to school and sitting silently. I was not even sharing lunch. All other were eating luch together I used to sit alone. And after reaching home i used to close the door and even windows and sit alone taking book in my hand just pretending i was studying. I was actually in the phase of depression. And the main problem was no one noticed that I am in depression and even I haven't expressed it to anyone. This 2 years was without any motivation. I left all my hobbies like painting, singing, playing and the Hobbie I never known till that time was 'to find the scientific reason behind everything'. Sometime i was so feared that i was having illusion that ceiling will fall on me. I used to stare at the ceiling for whole night due to fear. My heart pumped like nothing. I was almost dead in my imagination. And I passed 10th.

Somehow I survived this depression stage. Now it was the time to go back to my place as my Dad completed his Phd. It was my 11th. I got admission in one of the college near my house. I never tried to talk to any of my friend here i was not having guts to even look at them remembering all the past. Now when I joined college even I was in depression during college. Now what I noticed that I was mentally 2-3 years smaller than everyone in college. As i was in depression for last 2 years I have not watched a single movie or match or anything normal person would do. Now I was again isolated. As I haven't talked to anyone majorly for last 2 years my communications skills was fucked up. And there was some students who were speaking in very good English. And my mind was not able to react to such high grade english.. I was always poor in English. And not communicating for 2 years made me worse.

Now i was seriously getting depressed a lot. I was literally possessed by my thoughts most of the time. The sucied thought started popping up in my mind frequently. I actually started finding ways to sucied. I actually tried some of them. But never gathered guts to complete them. And I am thankful to God that I was not having any easy way like taking poison. Or I won't be alive today to write this.

And one of my classmates named anuj who was a best friend of mine actually Helped me. Even he has gone through the depression phase. I was so relieved to find someone who can atleast understand my situation. Thanks again he was not introvert like me. Or he would never recovered from his depression. And his quality of being extrovert helped me a lot to slowly improve in my condition.

My past is only known to this friend no one else know about it.

He suggested me to write my feeling to feel better. I was writing some stuff on a paper and then tear those so no one can read it. Now after 2 years i thought of writing it again in detail in digital format, so I can refer my past. And also to remind myself nothing bad can happen than this and will help me to motivate myself.

I passed 12th with ok marks. And it was a time to decide the future. I decided to do engineering. In the beginning of 1st year of my engineering I was still analyzing myself. That friend helped to gain positivity in me. Now what I have noticed is because of my height now people don't consider me as unman. But now they call me unmatured. Because I was not good at communicating with people.

There is a very strong reason behind that. I haven't improved any of my skill in the most critical age of my life.

But i was trying to get out of my social anxiety. So I started reading about the anxiety and how to get rid of it. I found so many things about it but was not getting a proper direction to work on. I started doing meditation every morning. After doing meditation the problems of illusion was recovering. But still I was having fear of the world on one side and on other side I feel that no one in the world should be hurt from me... This feeling of no one should hurt from me make me feel guilty every single time. And even I don't have guts to say sorry or apologize for it. So this feelings actually get trapped inside me. Similarly all other emotion get trapped inside me. This emotions escapes from me only when I cry a lot... So i don't know how countless nights i have been crying. If it wasn't enough i would cry during bath. I lost contact with the 11th standard friend as we were not having phone at that time. Now I have no friends.

I actually want to discuss my feelings with someone but can't. To whom I should discuss. I really don't have a good friend to whom I can trust. I am really in a search of friend who can understand me..

I have to express myself. But i have understood that i can only express myself if i am well prepared for taking with people. If i am not prepared and if i fumble then it will again increase my anxiety.

Now I have decided to prepare myself. Thinking on what aspects I have to work. I have found the most important is the social awareness. As i rarely interacted with the society, friends there is huge gap created between them and me. I have no topic to discuss when any discussion is going on. So generally what i found out in friends the general discussion are about movies, matches, games or something like it.... So if I have to communicate efficiently with them I will have to be touch with all movies and entertainment stuff... The second problem I am facing is English. I am generally not able to express my feeling and if I have no words to express it then it becomes worst. I literally become so nervous when someone speaks in English to me. I cant even stand there. My hands and foot become cold. I shiver. All negative thoughts flashes in my mind. So if I have to overcome from this I have to work on my English without fail.

One of my friend Ankeeta reads lots of books. Just while general discussion with her I found that her English was mind-boggling. I gathered all my guts to talk to her about how she was good at english. She said she read lots of book. And one more point I found out from it was we get good knowledge and topics to talk when we read book. So I started reading a book she suggested. The English level of that book was for advanced people. I actually used dictionary after every 5 to 10 words. My interest of reading book was reducing. I was not able to complete even a single chapter. I started searching how to improve English skills. Some of the ideas i liked and was simple to implement. They suggested to start thinking in English. I tried it but it was not that easy to leave mother tongue and think in English. So I decided to summarize my entire day and planning about next day in English. I practiced it for atleast 1 month. I found that, now i was not translating from marathi to English but directly thinking in English. My motivation was building up and also my attitude was becoming positive.

Due to this positive attitude now I was able to find what potential I was having. I am having so many abilities but never looked at it. The most important ability of mine was able to analyse things. Specially related to science field. I found my hobby which was in me from childhood but never noticed it. I was always observing all machines and was imagining how it might be working. I still remember when I was in 3rd or 4th class I was trying to figure out how water cooler machine works. According to that age i imagined it. And now when I am doing my engineering in which I am studying in detail about it. I was shocked i imagined it almost correctly. If I could imaging the stuff which is taught in engineering in 4th class then I am definitely having a good ability to do something good. This thought increased my motivation to 200%.

Even I am working to improve my condition and my motivation has increased. But still in my inner mind there is some sort of fear. Because of this fear, in every situation my brain think of am i behaving like girl,will someone call me girlish again. Even While choosing cloths, same thought don't allow me to select it properly. Really this is super exhausting. I have realised that mind can really make me tired.

Giving opinion about me is different and making fun of it beyond limit actually kill us from inside this is what i have experienced from my experience. I hope this never happens to any one in the world.

[helloaymawkward]

Ghost of Future Past

“So, it’s your last day here?” I asked the senior lab tech training me for the day. I asked myself as well, for the umpteenth time.

I’ve been contemplating on handing out my resignation letter since the first week of my first “real-world” job. How unappreciative, right? I should at least endure a year!

Well, that was my plan even while I was still an intern. When my ghost of future past would haunt me, I would remind myself to:

Experience the actual med tech life, save up, and maybe love the job on the process! Plus, almost everyone who knows about my dual citizenship, says I’m so lucky to have an easy path to their ideal job. I would just be like that exemplar alumni who now lives the American dream life.

The American Dream life was my new aspiration. The former one was "to become (ehem) a NeUroSurGeon" when people asked the ultimate question after high school. The younger me - who didn't know her limitations yet - thought operating on brains would not only make me rich, it would also make me cool.

Why not? I was a salutatorian. I could do anything! 

Being a neurosurgeon was the best field I could think of that is related to my interest.

I was (and more so am!) very fascinated by a person's values, morals, emotions, and way of thinking. I thought all of which has a common denominator: the mind, the human brain. I took up the supposed best pre-med because I was for sure taking the straight path of studying brains as med subspecialty. 

However, after being placed in environments where I was not always at the top, and often at the bottom instead, I somehow had let go of the Neurosurgeon “dream”. 

 It turns out that I can do anything, but not everything.

(Click Video Link below to see if how I would be if I were a doctor.)

https://streamable.com/0ly3pn

I seriously considered shifting to Psychology at the end of my third year. I even consulted the college’s guidance counselor (which was of no help because they only cared about students who are suicidal or, with absolute failing grades). There were days I balled my eyes out because my study table was far more interesting than the lessons I had to master.

I hated myself for changing so much. I thought that my prudent high school self would be more suited for my college life. She was studious and focused. She knew her priorities. She seemed wiser too.

She once said on her salutatory speech that “This stage is our port, and our diplomas are passports to our respective life destinations.”

With those flowery words, one would think so. But I realized then that my high school self was also none the wiser.

For her, life’s destination were stability and success. She only knew she needed to escape. So, she bought the ticket for the number one tourist spot for premeds. She didn’t care if she barely heard about her first stop; wrote Bachelor of Science in Laboratory Medical Science instead of Medical Laboratory Science on her enrollment form. (I applied originally and got accepted for Psychology. I only had a full spell out of the course during enrollment hehehe)

Apparently, I bought the wrong ticket. Still, I endured my premed major. I was already in it. I didn’t want to waste the money, time, and effort I invested for the past 2 and a half years.

It helped that my mom’s mantra “You can do it! Ikaw pa! Fake it ‘till you make it!”, my aunt’s “Your problems are nothing compared to what we’ve been through.” and my grandma’s “Quitting is hopelessness, and hopelessness is the devil’s work. You just need to pray more.” were constant reminders that made my ghost hide somewhere in my subconscious.

Plus, finishing one more year of my bachelors, find a good job as soon as I can, and finally be an independent and professional adult sounded more ideal than “spending more time in school.” 

To become one less mouth to be fed from the many who are so dependent on my mom (and in turn equals dad), to be able to give back to my parents (who I feel so indebted for since I'm not exactly my step dad's responsibility), and to my Mama Lola as soon as I can was a better motivation than “I want to help better people’s lives.”

I didn’t know I was a Gang Tae. The loved ones I look up to are Gang Taes. In turn I became one. My motivations were worthy of what I presumed was a (for the lack of better words) heroic sacrifice.

I wanted to take my Mama Lola away from our seemingly perpetual suffering that close-knit Filipino family seem to excel at.

I was afraid to be stuck or get swept by my current circumstance. I still worried for my past, that the changes that lead to the present weren’t genuine, and people would eventually fall back to their old habits – their unchanged selves. Most specially, I feared becoming just like them.

I had to be independent as soon as I can.

AS SOON AS I CAN.

Now some parts of Soon has come:

·        finish my bachelors

·        get a good job

Parts of Soon that hasn't come, yet:

o   Becoming an independent adult (I still live with my parents, and they I still provided for my meals. Heck, my dad still even drops and picks me to and from work!)

o   Take my Mama-lola away from her stressful sons by encouraging her to go here in the US (I know she'd be more comfortable when I'm with her in a country where she repeatedly described her life would be as FOREIGN, LONELY, and ISOLATED.)

o   When worse comes to worst, be financially stable enough that no matter how messed-up my family and extended family may become, I will be able to survive on my own without bother.

You see though, after I checked the first two, my ghost of future past kept knocking on me; keeps knocking on me...

Particularly when internet algorithm keeps suggesting personality and career tests with results that exactly fits (and unbeknownst to many) what I truly value , and shows me this quote:

 Or Vlogs like: (watch whole vid at the end of the post.)

And this Ted Talk: 

My mom asked me several times, “What's your plan? Don't you want to grow?” When I was still applying for jobs.

I had different a answer. But if I were to say what I truly felt I would reply:

"Yes, this is part of the plan. But I don't know if I'll grow here - if I even want to grow. This plan is a practical and quick sacrifice. I'm just following it. Not pursuing it. Of course! I want to grow! *pun intended* but not on this career path."

Hence, my ungrateful thoughts of burning my first bridge even if I barely started building it. I really thought I’d learn to love it when I start living it, specially if it’s the “ideal life”.

Apparently, like the words affect and effect, “The Ideal” and “The Fulfilled” - what’s “interesting” versus what’s “valuable” - are often confused. This most specially occurs when one’s justifications root from fear (or need to escape) and envy (or envisioning someone else’s exemplar life.)

 “Fake it till you make it.”

 “A shallower problem…”

 “Quitting is hopelessness…”

 “You’re so lucky, you’ll just become like her..”

 “As soon as I can!”

 These are the words that make me treat what I find valuable, as something that I should fear. I try to ignore it, but my mind conjures almost everything I see, or that happens as a sign – as its face, as my ghost.

My coworker training me (among all four trainees) on her last day, and finding out that after 30 years in our laboratory she is still transferring to the company she first wanted to work for, is another face of my ghost.

A ghost telling me that, no matter how far I’ll make it, if I faked my way, in the end I’ll still long for what I truly value.

That my dilemma isn’t shallow. I am aware of my privileges. I may have it better than others, but it doesn’t mean what I seek is invalid.

That quitting,  or changing a path isn’t hopelessness, or laziness. Sometimes, it’s the most unexpected detour I didn’t think I need. 

Above all, it won’t make me the kind of person who is among my greatest fear of becoming. (More of this on another story.)

That I don’t want to become “just like her.” I am grateful, and I am indebted to what others call as “luck.”

Nevertheless, I want to become the person I wished I had when my mom was still a mess. I want to be the guide that my younger cousins, and other neglected children and young adults can confide to and can listen to. I want to be the person whom adults can trust and lean on as if they were children, so they can become better adults. I want to be the mentor I wish I had in school, and I wish to have in life.

That I should stop thinking “As soon as I can!” Because, I am not delayed. I should not be in a rush. I don’t need to be my or society’s “ideal”. Whatever I decide to do, it is best to be done at the present since it’ll only fundamentally affect me (unlike when I’ll act on it if I have children, or debts.)

Or am I getting ahead of myself again? Am I putting meaning into nothing? How can I find work that is related to what I value, especially during a pandemic? Should I hand in my resignation?

I ask myself these as I try to conclude this blog (Again! I thought I arrived at a conclusion yesterday), on an unexpected day off because dad’s car suddenly died last night (for the first time since they got it, and as I was waiting for another sign), while eyeing Viktor Frankl’s “Man’s Search For Meaning” (the book just got delivered this afternoon.)

  ***Originally written on: 08/17/2020***

[freeyourheartandsoul]

Dear No One.

Prompt: Writing challenge from @myteenwolf-world. Song: Tori Kelley “Dear No One” – Character: Scott McCall

Dear No One.

I like being independent Not so much of an investment No one to tell me what to do I like being by myself Don't gotta entertain anybody else No one to answer to.

(Y/N) was very independent. She’d practically raised herself from the age of fourteen to her present age of nineteen. A dead-beat dad and a mom who put her career first, she didn’t really have any other option. So, she got herself through school and managed to score a 4.0 GPA, which got her the hell out of Los Angeles and into UC Davis – the school she’d been dreaming of going to ever since she decided to be a veterinarian when she was twelve. Thanks to scholarships, (Y/N) only asked very little from her mom – to pay the rest of her tuition and books and first and last month’s rent for an apartment of her own. After that, (Y/N) found a job as an assistant at a small, local animal shelter so she could make the rest on her own.

That’s exactly what (Y/N) was doing. She was making it just fine on her own. She made just enough money to pay the few bills she had – rent, phone, internet and utilities (she didn’t have cable) – and still live comfortably. Plus, her mom insisted on sending her money once or twice a month even though (Y/N) had turned it down multiple times. She figured it had to do with reassuring that (Y/N) stayed in her life occasionally. (Y/N) didn’t have a problem with that so long as her mom didn’t start pushing to take control.

Living on her own wasn’t really a new concept to (Y/N). She’d been doing it for practically half of her life since her mom was rarely home. She’d grown to love it. The freedom it gave her. No one telling her what, when, or how to do something. It’s why she wanted an apartment on her own rather than in a dorm or with a roommate. She didn’t want to feel the need to please, entertain, or answer to anyone else. She could make her own house rules and her own schedule that didn’t revolve around anyone else.

She was able to be selfish with her time, which ultimately made her feel happier with herself.

She was perfectly content being alone.

But sometimes I just want somebody to hold Someone to give me their jacket when it's cold Got that young love even when we're old Yeah, sometimes I want someone to grab my hand Pick me up, pull me close, be my man I will love you 'til the end

As she walked around the campus day in and day out, though, (Y/N) started to feel something she’d never really felt before – loneliness. She’d see all the nauseating, but cute couples holding hands and kissing all over campus. She’d see the boyfriends and girlfriends who traveled near and far from their own school to visit their significant others. She’d see the love notes that her friends got from their boyfriends. She’d hear her friends gush over this and that. They’d go on double – even group – dates. It was all really starting to get to her.

(Y/N) started to wish sometimes that she had someone to not even be nauseatingly cute with, but just someone to be completely normal with. Someone she could talk to about the grade she got on a paper or about the hell that was her required Comparative Literature courses – she’s always been a math and science girl. Just someone to come home to and tell her everything would be okay. The more the loneliness etched into her brain, the more she realized she just wanted someone to love her.

She tried to push that to the back of her brain, though. After the tumultuous relationship that was her mom and dad, and the whirlwind of flings her mom had, (Y/N) was in no rush to commitment. That’s why she’d stayed as far away from relationships for this long. She’d dated a few guys in LA, but nothing that lasted longer than a few months, and nothing since her move to Davis. It just wasn’t on her list of priorities.

But none of that meant the thought never crossed her mind.

“Is anyone sitting here?” And it just so happened to be at the forefront of her mind as she waited on her Biology lab to start when someone’s voice tore her from her thoughts.

(Y/N) looked to her right and was met with a pair of chocolate eyes and a crooked jaw. He was cute in the adorable puppy kind of way, aka: exactly her type. “Um… no.” She managed to muster out as she shook her head.

This boy has only said four words to me and he has me flustered. What the hell? She thought to herself. No one had ever made her nearly stutter over her own words before.

The mysterious, dark haired boy slid into the seat beside her with an appreciative smile. “Thanks. I’m Scott.” He offered his hand and a boyish grin as soon as he got comfortable.

(Y/N) smiled back and shook his hand, “(Y/N).” It wasn’t until then that she realized she had never seen him in the class before and they were already two weeks in. “Are you in the right class? I’ve never seen you in here before.”

Scott chuckled as he nodded his head. “Yeah. There was some mix-up or something and they had me in the wrong class at first. Took me a couple weeks to finally get it fixed. Have I missed much?”

“A couple of labs and two days’ worth of notes. It’s only twice a week, so you haven’t missed too much. You should talk to the professor about making up the labs somehow, though. And I can catch you up on the notes.” (Y/N) explained. She had no idea what he was majoring in, but if it was the same as her, she could imagine that he wouldn’t want to get too behind.

His eyebrows shot up. “Really? You wouldn’t mind? You’d be a real life saver.” He said with his hopeful puppy eyes.

Damn, she was in trouble with this one already.

(Y/N) shrugged her shoulders with an understanding smile. “Sure. It’s not a problem.”

“Thank you so much. I really don’t want to start the year off by getting behind. I swore to myself college would be different for me, and yet right off the bat I had to put my first semester on hold and sign up to take summer classes to make up for it.” He confessed with a huff as he pulled out a pencil, notebook, and his textbook.

“Not a fan of school?” She questioned out of curiosity as she doodled in her notebook.

“Nah, it wasn’t that. Some other things just had to take priority.” He corrected without going into detail.

She nodded her head a little, but still not looking in his direction. “I can understand that, I guess.” She paused for a minute, “well I can help keep you on track, if you want.” She offered before even thinking about what was spilling out of her mouth. She looked back at him with embarrassment written all over her face, “I... uh… I didn’t mean that like it sounded. I just meant…”

Scott couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped as he heard her heartbeat rise. “Thanks. I could probably use the help.” He confessed with an appreciative smile, trying to ease her nerves.

The heat in her cheeks began to vanish, but it didn’t completely disappear as she nodded. The professor walked in and started class not long after. However, as he drug on with the notes, the thoughts that consumed her before Scott sat next to her only intensified.

And maybe, just maybe, she wanted that with Scott McCall.

So if you're out there I swear to be good to you But I'm done lookin' for my future someone 'Cause when the time is right you'll be here, But for now, dear No One, This is your love song Ooh, oh, oh

The next few months seemed to fly by as (Y/N) balanced her job, her own school work, and helped Scott stay on track. They spent a lot of their free-time together and getting to know one another. For example, she learned that he wanted to be a veterinarian too and that his mentor was his boss all throughout high school in Beacon Hills. While he learned about her urgency to get out of Los Angeles and how she tends to bury herself in studies and work. She didn’t dare divulge into her family and commitment issues, though, nor did he share his werewolf secret with her.

All she knew was that the more time she spent with him, the more she liked him. He made her want more. He made her crave the warmth of being held, and cared for, and loved. Not even because he had shown any sign that he was interested in her that way. Rather because he was just that good of a person as just a friend. He offered his jacket to her when he noticed chill bumps on her arms in class. He congratulated her with a giant bear hug when she got an A on that literature paper she struggled with, and he let her cry in his arms when her mom only sent her a check for her birthday – a vulnerability she had never shown to anyone before.

He had quickly become her best friend, but the fact that she craved more was slightly terrifying.

(Y/N) never said a word about it, though, nor did she make any effort to push it. She was a strong believer that if something was meant to happen, it would happen. So, she was choosing to believe that if she were meant to be with someone – or Scott, then it would happen on its own accord. She was finding the waiting game to be excruciating, though.

“So, are you going back to L.A. for Thanksgiving break?” Scott asked out of the blue as they sat down for coffee after their final class for the week.

“Not a chance.” (Y/N) said without missing a beat as she stifled a sarcastic laugh.

He looked at her with furrowed eyebrows, “why not? I know you sort of have a strained relationship with your mom, but don’t you want to see her?”

(Y/N) sighed a little as she stared down at the hot coffee in her mug. “Having her judge me for my life decisions and try to shove money down my throat to convince me to move back doesn’t sound too appealing to me. I’d rather stay in my tiny apartment and eat takeout.”

Scott sympathized with her. “Or… you can come back to Beacon Hills with me and have a nice home-cooked meal. My mom makes a pretty mean Thanksgiving dinner.” He suggested somewhat shyly as he stirred a little bit of cream into his coffee.

Her head shot up in surprise. The offer took her completely off guard and left her speechless. He was inviting her back to his hometown. To eat dinner with his family and friends. To meet his mom. Stop it, (Y/N). Do not read too much into it. She warned herself. She didn’t need to get herself worked up over nothing.

“I mean, you don’t have to. I just thought…” Scott began as he suddenly got nervous sensing her own nervousness. “You know… maybe you’d want some good food… and to not be alone on Thanksgiving.” He swallowed hard. “But it’s totally okay if you don’t want to.”

Normally, she didn’t mind being alone, even during the holidays, but the idea of spending one with Scott actually sounded refreshing. Plus, a good home-cooked meal sounded amazing. She could cook, but she wasn’t great at it – especially dinner foods like the ones served on Thanksgiving. She was more of a simple meals kind of girl, like pasta and burgers.

“No, that sounds great. I just… I wouldn’t want to impose.” She tried not to seem too eager.

Scott visibly relaxed as he shook his head. “Don’t worry. You wouldn’t be. My mom always makes more than enough food, and it usually turns into this big dinner party with my friends and their parents, especially now that everyone comes back from college.”

The thought of all these people that she didn’t know, made (Y/N) a little nervous, but she tried not to let it show. “Okay. As long as you’re sure.”

“And my friends are all really chill and accepting for the most part. So, you don’t need to be nervous about that either.” Scott said and it left her wondering how he practically read her mind. He reached across the table and placed his hand on top of her free one, instantly calming her. “You’ll be fine. I promise.”

I don't really like big crowds I tend to shut people out I like my space, yeah But I'd love to have a soul mate And God'll give him to me someday And I know it'll be worth the wait, Oh So if you're out there I swear to be good to you But I'm done lookin', I'm done lookin' for my future someone 'Cause when the time is right you'll be here, But for now, dear No One Dear Nobody This is your love song

So, (Y/N) tagged along, nervous jitters and all. Scott tried his best to calm her nerves by reassuring her the whole way to Beacon Hills that everyone would love her. As much as she trusted him, his reassurance didn’t calm her nerves. Besides, it wasn’t really about his family and friends liking her, it was more about how it would change her relationship with Scott because she had no doubt in her mind that it would. And she was right.

The overall trip went fantastic. (Y/N) met his mom, his best friend - Stiles and his dad - Lydia and her mom, Malia and her dad, Liam and his parents, Mason, Hayden, some guy named Jordan, Derek, Isaac, and Scott’s old boss and mentor, Deaton. It was a full house, like Scott said it probably would be, and the food was delicious. They munched on turkey and dressing, rolls, sweet potato casserole, green beans, and so much more, including desert, until they couldn’t possibly eat anymore. (Y/N) listened as they all caught up with each other as if they didn’t talk on the phone all the time. She could tell that they were more than just friends, they were family, and that made her nearly break because she had never experienced anything like it.

However, thy dynamic between her and Scott changed. (Y/N) felt it the whole time she was there – as he introduced her to everyone, as they told their shared stories from UC Davis, and as he kept her close and kept an eye on her when she wasn’t right by his side. The more she realized it, the more it terrified her because, to her surprise, it felt nice. More than that, it felt right.

All the feelings running through her caused her to be silent nearly the whole way back to Davis. When Scott would ask if she was okay, she’d lie and say she was fine, just tired, but she’s almost positive he knew she was lying. He stayed quiet and let her pretend to sleep, though. He dropped her off at her apartment a week ago and they hadn’t spoken outside of class since. He hadn’t tried to call her and she definitely hadn’t tried to call him. She was shutting him out and running. That’s what she was used to. It’s what she was good at.

When she saw him walking towards her at a party the following Friday, panic started to rise. She tried to look around and think of how she could avoid him, but they had already locked eyes so he would know what she was doing. She knew this was going to happen eventually, she’d just hoped it wasn’t so soon when she was still trying to figure things out. But man, he looked good in his white t-shirt, dark denim jacket, and his hand stuffed in his black jeans.

“Hey.” Scott said when he stood in front of her.

“Hey. Didn’t expect to see you here…” She started to say more but he interrupted her.

“I bet. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have come.” He stated with an accusing look. Ouch. She didn’t expect him to call her out like that, so she just stood there look at him dumbfounded. “Am I right?”

All (Y/N) could do was stare at him. She could see the underlying hurt behind his accusatory eye and it made guilt wash over her like a flood. She never wanted to hurt him. Then, the walls started closing in around her as the crowd of the party and the onslaught of emotions set in. She never went to parties because she hated the crowd – another reason she chose to be alone most of the time. Now, here she was in the middle of one being confronted by the one person she really cared for about shutting him out. She couldn’t handle it.

So, she turned and ran. Scott called after her as she weaved through the people, and she could tell that he was following her because his voice never drifted farther away. She ran until she was away from the crowd and the panic had finally subsided. About two blocks down from the frat house party, she finally stopped and bent over with her hands on her knees as she calmed her breathing – thankful she was in jeans and comfortable shoes.

“Are you okay?” Scott asked not even a minute after she stopped. He had been hot on her heels the whole time.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” (Y/N) answered with a shaky breath, not moving her position to look at him.

Scott scoffed as he shook his head. “You don’t go running out of a party because you’re fine, (Y/N).”

“The crowd just got to me. I’m fine.” She stated as she finally stood up straight and looked at him. “See? Fine.”

“So, it wasn’t because I confronted you about avoiding me?” He questioned with scrutinizing eyes.

“Nope.” She lied.

“Liar.”

“Excuse me?” She questioned, getting defensive and putting her hands on her hips.

“I said, you’re a liar.” Scott responded without hesitation. “And a bad one at that.”

She glared at him and shook her head, “you don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Scott thought for a minute about telling her about him being a werewolf and hearing her heartbeat rise, but he didn’t need her to freak out on him right now. “You clench your jaw when you lie.”

“What? No, I don’t.” She defended and had to force herself not to clench her jaw as she realized that she does indeed do that when she lies.

“Yes, you do, and I’m not arguing about it. You’ve been lying and shutting me out ever since Thanksgiving, and I want to know why.” He said as he finally got to the point of his mission tonight.

(Y/N) sighed as she looked at him. “If you haven’t noticed, Scott. I’m kind of a loner. I shut people out. It’s what I do.”

Scott shook his head, “no. I don’t think that’s it.”

“Oh? Then please enlighten me on what it is since you apparently know me so well.” She exaggerated as she flailed her arms.

“I think you’re afraid.” Scott replied without hesitation or remorse.

“Afraid of what?”

“Getting close to someone and caring about them. Me.” (Y/N) scoffed a little and rolled her eyes, avoiding looking at him. “You can avoid me and deny it all you want, (Y/N), but something changed between us last weekend, and you’re afraid of that. You’re afraid because you’re so used to being independent and alone and taking care of yourself and you don’t want to be like your parents.”

She tossed him a daggering glare. “You don’t know anything about my parents.”

“You’re right. I don’t. I know enough, though. Like I know that you never talk about your dad, nor does he ever call you. I know your mom seemingly only wants to throw money your way and control your life. And it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that they aren’t together.”  She looked away from him, pushing the tears back in her eyes. “Clearly I pay more attention to you than you give me credit for.”

Scott stepped closer to her. “I’m not letting you push me away, (Y/N). I know that deep down you feel something for me, too, and you’re just too afraid of getting out of your comfort zone of being independent. Well, let me tell you, you can be with someone and still be independent.”

(Y/N) wiped a few tears that had slipped before she finally looked back him and whispered, “you don’t want to be with me, Scott.”

Scott took another step closer, nearly closing the distance between them. He lifted his hand to her cheek and wiped another stray tear as he looked into her eyes. “Yes, I do.” He whispered back before officially closing the distance between them and pressing his lips to hers in a sweet, but meaningful kiss that sent a bolt of electricity up her spine.

When he pulled away, he rested his forehead against hers as their eyes stayed closed. “I have since the first day I sat next to you in Bio lab.”

(Y/N) slowly opened her eyes only to be met with his sincere chocolate ones staring back at her with a soft smile on his face. She smiled back before wrapping her arms behind his neck and pulling him in for another kiss.

Her someone had finally found her.

Ooh, ooh Sometimes I just want somebody to hold Someone to give me their jacket when it's cold Got that young love even when we're old

(Y/N) shivered as she wrapped the blanket tighter around herself, silently cursing the maintenance man for not coming to fix the heat in the apartment yet. A week and a half without heat in the middle of winter was ridiculous. It didn’t help that she got cold easily. Not even the floor heaters were helping.

“Stupid maintenance man going on an ‘extended vacation’ in the middle of winter.” She mumbled to herself.

“Extended vacation sounds a lot like they fired him and still haven’t found a replacement.” Scott said as he walked down the hallway from the bedroom. “Here, put this on.” He said as he handed her his hoodie and sidled up beside her on the couch.

(Y/N) sat up a little and pulled her favorite hoodie over her head, instantly embracing its warmth and Scott’s aftershave. A smile tugged at her lips as she breathed it in. He had easily become one of her favorite scents. “Mm… thank you.”

Scott smiled as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer. “Anytime, beautiful.”

She smiled back at him as she wrapped her arms around his torso and leaned in to give him a kiss of appreciation before snuggling into him. A little over a year together and he still gave her butterflies. He knew it, too, but she didn’t care. He turned her life around when he sat beside her in Bio lab. He showed her that it’s okay to not want to be alone – to need someone. He filled a void that she didn’t know was there.

“So, did you pick a movie?” Scott asked as he propped his legs up on the coffee table, to which she threw hers over his.

“Yup.” She stated as she grabbed the remote from the beside her and pressed the button for the Blu-Ray player to close. “Well, Stiles did.”

Scott threw his head back with a chuckle, “Star Wars.”

(Y/N) laughed with him. “He found out that I’ve never seen it either and he said he would kill us both if we didn’t watch it.”

“I would say we could just lie and say we did, but he would definitely grill us about it.” He said with a grin at knowing his best friend so well.

(Y/N) nodded. “Undoubtedly.”

Scott released a deep breath as he pulled (Y/N) even closer. “Well, let’s get this over with.”

She laughed a little. “Wait, let’s send him a SnapChat proving that we’re watching it… or at least attempting to.”

He nodded, “good idea.” He pulled out his phone and opened the app. He held up the phone and tapped the screen to pull up the filters on their faces. “Oh look, a wolf one… how ironic.” Scott said with a chuckle as he selected that one.

(Y/N) couldn’t help but laugh. “We should definitely use that one.”

Scott nodded his head and hit the record button. “Look what we’re watching!” Scott said as (Y/N) gave a big grin next to him. Scott then switched the camera to face the tv where the Star Wars logo was showing. He faced the camera back to them and they both gave a quick thumbs up before the ten seconds was up.

They watched the short video back before Scott sent it to Stiles. “Okay. Ready?” (Y/N) asked as she pointed the remote toward the TV with her finger hovering over the play button.

“No.” Scott said somewhat seriously.

She giggled and leaned up a little to kiss him on the cheek. “It’ll be okay.” She pressed play as he kissed her forehead.

About halfway through the movie, Scott got a SnapChat reply from Stiles. He opened it only to see a picture of Stiles with an arched eyebrow and the caption “that doesn’t prove anything.” Scott couldn’t help but laugh and show (Y/N) who burst out laughing as well.  Scott hit the reply button and faced the camera towards the movie playing and recorded for the ten seconds without saying anything and hit send.

Minutes later, Scott got another notification from him. Scott opened the app and his response. “Oh, my God! Okay, it’s happening!” Stiles yelled, then it led into another response. “Everybody stay calm! Everybody, stay calm!” Stiles was running around his apartment and you could see Lydia in the background shaking her head at his crazy antics. Another response played right after that, “Everybody just calm fucking down!” Stiles continued to yell as he ran around like Steve Carrell on The Office.

Scott and (Y/N) were both dying of laughter. “That is your best friend.” (Y/N) said through the laughter.

“I know, and that right there is why.” Scott said still laughing at how much of an idiot his best friend was. Instead of responding, he put his phone away and focused back on the movie.

“Do you have any idea what’s going on?” (Y/N) asked as they both stared at the television.

“Not a clue.” Scott responded with a straight face.

“He’s going to kill us.”

“Probably.” They both laughed again and tried to focus and figure out what was happening in the movie. They spent the rest of the night trying to watch as many Star Wars movies as they could before falling asleep in each other’s arms on the couch.

Yeah, sometimes I want someone to grab my hand Pick me up, pull me close, be my man I will love you 'til the end So if you're out there I swear to be good to you But I'm done lookin', I'm done lookin' for my future someone 'Cause when the time is right you'll be here, But for now, dear No One, dear Nobody This is your love song This is your love song Dear No One, no need to be searchin', no Dear No One. Dear No One. Dear No One, this is your love song

With a lot of hard work and luck, Scott and (Y/N) survived four years of UC Davis together. More than that though, they both made it into their School of Veterinary Medicine and were ready to start in the fall. First though, they deserved a celebratory summer, which was exactly what they had planned. Between the two of them, they had managed to save up enough money to go on a mini roadtrip down the coast for a couple weeks. Their first stop was San Francisco where they hit up the Golden Gate Bridge, Golden Gate Park, Fisherman’s Wharf, and (Y/N) insisted on seeing the Full House house and riding the cable cars. Their final stop was Los Angeles, where they paid a short visit to her mom and did everything touristy – Universal Studios, the Hollywood Walk of Fame, Griffith Park, they hiked to the Hollywood sign, and even spent a few days at Disneyland. Scott had never been to LA, so she wanted to make sure she gave him the full tourist experience.

It was their last night before they had to drive back up to Beacon Hills and they wanted to make the most of it. So, they spent the day at Venice Beach and walked down the boardwalk to Santa Monica Pier where they grabbed dinner, played a couple of games, and rode a few rides. She won Scott a giant tie-dye gorilla, while he managed to win her a giant stuffed wolf.

“To remind you of me.” He said with a cheesy grin as he handed it to her.

She looked up at him with a cute grin before leaning up on her toes a little to reward him with a kiss. “I love it.”

He grinned down at her, “as much as you love me?”

(Y/N) smiled and dropped the wolf beside their feet so she could lean up and wrap her arms behind his neck. “Not even close.” She whispered as she looked him dead in the eye before pressing her lips to his again.

They didn’t part until their lungs started burning for air. He had dropped his stuffed animal on the opposite side so he could pull her closer. “Wanna watch the sunset from the Ferris wheel?”

Her eyes lit up as a smile spread across her face. “You bet I do.” Then she looked down at their feet and saw the giant stuffed animals. “There’s no way those will both fit with us.” She said with sort of a pout.

Scott shook his head, “I’ll take care of it.” He grabbed her hand and pulled her toward the ride after they grabbed the stuffed toys. “Hold our spot in line. I’ll be right back.” Scott said as he took the toys and walked up to the guy in charge.

(Y/N) watched as he talked to the guy, probably asking him to the hold the stuffed animals for them. The guy looked at Scott for a minute and then his eyes landed on her and then back to Scott before he nodded his head. He took the toys from Scott and put them on top of a table behind him as Scott walked back to (Y/N).

“Well, aren’t you a smooth talker.” She said with a laugh.

Scott took her hand and smiled, “it got me you, didn’t it?”

“Ha. Ha.” She responded as she shook her head.

It didn’t take long for it to finally be their turn. They climbed inside and waited for the wheel to slowly take them to the top as others boarded. No matter which way they looked, though, they saw the beautiful sun setting behind the ocean. The sky had beautiful shades of pink, orange, blue, and purple. Down below them, they could see all the lights of the rides and games.

“Wow. I can’t believe I’ve never thought to do this.” (Y/N) said as she looked out at the beautiful sight in front of her. “It’s beautiful, don’t you think?”

Scott was silent beside her, which she thought was weird. When she turned to look at him, he wasn’t even looking at the sunset, instead, he was looking down at his lap as if he were trying to think of something. “Scott?”

He finally looked back at her. “What? Oh. Yeah, it’s a beautiful sunset.”

(Y/N) eyed him with furrowed eyebrows. “You weren’t even looking.” She said as the wheel moved to the top and stopped.

“That’s because I’m nervous.” He confessed.

“What? Why? You’re not afraid of heights.” She knew that for a fact, so she didn’t know what he would be nervous about.

“No, but I am nervous about this.” Scott reached into his pocket and pulled out a little black box, causing (Y/N) to gasp a little. He grabbed her left hand and held it in his. “Sorry, my palms are sweaty.” He apologized before releasing her hand and wiping it on his jeans. (Y/N) was speechless.

He swallowed hard and cleared his throat before looking directly into her eyes. “(Y/N), I know you like being independent and you like to believe you’re a loner, well you used to at least. But I also know that I give you butterflies, and you like waking up in my arms and wearing my hoodie, and that you were secretly wishing for someone to do all these things with before I came along.”

Scott let out a shaky breath as he looked down at their intertwined hands and back up at her. “The day I sat beside you in Bio lab and you rambled about how you could keep me on track, my heart skipped a beat or two, and I knew you were about to change my life. Four years later and my heart still skips a beat or two because I am so in love with you.”

“So, I know it’s terrifying, for you and me both,” he continued as he opened the little black box. “but I hope you’ll take this leap of faith with me and make me…”

He was about to finish, but (Y/N) crashed her lips to his in a searing kiss that caught him completely off guard. “Yes. A million times yes.” She answered without even letting him ask the question she knew was coming.

“You didn’t even let me ask.” He said a little bit awestruck.

A blush rose to her now tear stained cheeks, “sorry.”

He smiled at how adorable she was. “Even though you’ve already answered me… will you make me the happiest man alive and marry me?” He finally asked, his adorable brown puppy eyes practically pleading with her like he didn’t already know the answer.

She smiled from ear to ear, “yes. A million times yes.”

A smile that mirrored hers spread across Scott’s face. He took the princess cut ring out of the box and gently slid it on her finger – a perfect fit. He pulled her in for their most meaningful kiss yet as the Ferris wheel began to take them back down – their lips barely parting the whole way. When it was their turn to exit the ride, he pulled her by the hand to an open area and wrapped his arms around her waist as hers wrapped behind his neck and their lips met once again. He lifted her up and spun her around as she squealed in happiness and excitement.

She had finally found her future someone.

The End.

[marisa-writes]

3, 6, 9, 15

RJ, you sent me these about a million years ago and I never got around to them because of life, I’m so sorry! But I’m gonna answer them now!

3) what order do you write in? front of book to back? chronological? favorite scenes first? something else?

I tend to write chronologically, but I’ll never shy away from writing a scene ahead of time if the words come to me. Sometimes my brain has such a clear image that I’m afraid if I don’t write it down right then, by the time I’m ready to approach the scene, the words will be gone. But yeah, most of the time, I write in order. 

6) something you would go back and change in your writing that it’s too late/complicated to change now

Probably the pace of the first several chapters of They Sang Hallelujah. Editing and reposting Remembrance and This Christmas has been relatively easy because the changes I’ve made have been small - sentence structure, mostly, but in TC, I’ve changed up some scenes in terms of dialogue and whatnot. With TSH, however, there is so much I’d want to improve that the idea of even considering it is exhausting. 

For those who weren’t around for my illustrious (ha!) Jonas Brothers fanfiction career, TSH centers around Noelle, who is, at the beginning of the story, at the hospital with her mother. To take her mind off of whatever is wrong with her mother that doctors have not quite figured out, she asks her mother to recount the love story between her mother and the father she’s never known - the father who doesn’t know she exists - Joe. It’s a tale of a young woman who finds a home in the heart of a young man who has everything life could offer him but still feels a bit empty, but young love is misconstrued as carelessness, and things are ended abruptly, but with a lingering, soon-to-be-loved result: Noelle.

The first several chapters of the story are filled with flashbacks as Halle retells the story of how she and Joe met and loved and how Noelle came to be, but as Noelle hears the story this time, and considering her mother’s state of being and what that could possibly mean for her, she begins to really long for her father for the first time, and sets off to find him.

I love the story, Noelle, Joe, and Halle with all of my heart, but I feel like the pacing at the beginning is off. I dragged out some things too long, I think. Chapter thirteen, if I remember correctly, is the sweet spot of the story for me, and I feel like if I had the time and the energy that I might have Noelle’s story start in a different place, or that I would consolidate some of the earlier chapters or the flashbacks or something, to help the story move along a little better. It would take a lot of reconfiguring, though, with all of Joe and Halle’s history, so I know it’s an undertaking I’ll probably never take on. Which sucks, considering I never got around to finishing the story in the first place, never posting past chapter eighteen (though I think I have the majority of chapter nineteen hanging around in a Word document somewhere). I knew exactly how it ended, even have the notes in the document, but alas. The best-laid plans. 

9) what, if anything, do you do for inspiration?

Lately, I’ve been reading romance novels like crazy. They get such a bad rep, people thinking it’s nothing more than smut or shitty writing but that’s the same thing people think about fanfiction, you know? Over the past few months I have immersed myself in some pretty great romance novels that feature women of color and that is EXCITING for me! (And I have you to thank for that, by the way.)

Music is also a place that I draw inspiration from, or from reading the works of others around here (like Kaia and CEO Niall are at least partially at fault for sangria, tbh). Hell, sometimes just TALKING about writing makes me want to write things.

15) why did you start writing?

Escape. Writing took me away from the feelings inside that felt too big, too terrible, to form words. I didn’t really know or understand what depression was and didn’t understand how I could feel so depressed losing my grandfather when it wasn’t (in my thirteen-year-old mind, mind you) comparable to losing some like, say, my mom or dad, but his death was devastating for me and I didn’t know how to deal with that devastation. So, while I told everyone I was fine, inside I knew that I wasn’t, and to deal with the mess of my mind, I wrote. Journal entries, poems, songs, stories about my friends - essentially, my earliest fanfiction pieces because I’d throw people like Justin Timberlake in there for good measure.

Eventually, I found that I really enjoyed it. It became more than escapism. I felt powerful, being a writer. The words were mine, and I felt like when I wrote them, they couldn’t be denied. The way someone can tune you out when you speak, you couldn’t ignore my words when they were there on the page, not to me. I think I found a lot of confidence there, and these days, it’s probably the one thing in my life that makes me truly feel confident in myself.

So I started writing, I think, to find myself and my strength and my sanity in the midst of having life as I knew it turned upside-down, and in the end, I think my writing journey has played such a huge part in who I am and who I am becoming - or at least, I hope so. I can’t imagine never caring this much about writing, about the characters I create or read about. Sometimes I think about how lost I was without my words after I graduated from college - I’d taken a break from writing for a year to finish my studies, and my writer’s block was terrible - and to have them back now means everything. And to think about how my love of writing has carried me through three different fandoms and given me the courage to share my writing on a wider scale than I ever imagined and has brought me more kindness and friendship than I can even think to truly measure - THAT means more than everything. That, to me, is infinite.

[sharigone]

Summary:  “ Her endless pools reflected the moon in the most wonderful way.  In some weird way, I felt connected to Hinata and almost protective over her.  I wanted things to go her way and I’d do my hardest to help.” College AU. Rated T, might be changed to M later.

Pairing: NaruHina

Bleachers Chapter 6: Fitting

Sleeping alone was something of the past. I really don’t know how Hinata was able to deal with these type of emotions for so many years. I got teased an awful lot about it but I couldn’t help it.  This is the first time I’ve felt this way about anyone and my heart told me that I needed to be with her.  I was in her room more often than she was in mine, she probably felt a little uncomfortable with Sasuke being there. I didn’t mind it though, her room is more clean anyways.

If we were like anybody else, I’d say that our relationship is moving fast but we’re not like anybody else.  Nothing felt forced and we didn’t need specific time frames for milestones to happen.  I’ve been falling hard for her these last few weeks in more ways than I can imagine.

Call backs were finally done and over with so we had to go back to the theatre to do costume fittings.  Although the play is set in modern times, Miss Fuyu thought it would be a great idea to let the fashion majors have free rein on what the cast would be wearing.  I’m pretty sure their professors were making them do it for some credit. After that we did a little bit of rehearsing and a toured the set. Hinata and I almost had our lines down which was great since the play would premiere in just under two months from now. The thought itself was super overwhelming but this was Hinata’s big chance and we had to really work hard for it.

After rehearsal, Hinata insisted that we still kept up with our studies, so we got our books and laptops and made a fort on my dorm floor. Sasuke was still at class but he’d be back around dinner time and he had already planned to go out with Sakura so it would just be the two of us. It was kinda funny seeing Hinata get all excited over her highlighters and rainbow colored pens, her face just lit up whenever she got to write an important note in the green pen and highlight a key term with the blue highlighter.

Studying was a breeze with Hinata, usually when I did it, I’d end up passed out and drooling all over my book but she made it fun. She showed me these websites that made videos about the stuff in my class, helped organize my notes, and she even helped me make flashcards. And when we went over the flashcards, every answer I got right I got rewarded with a kiss. I needed to study a little bit more though since I got more wrong than right. We studied for a couple hours and took a break to eat. My brain felt quite full from that time and I knew that with Hinata’s help that I’d retain all that information much easier.

“I was thinking.” Hinata played with the collar of my shirt.

“Go ahead.” I smiled.

“Would you like to come home with me for the holiday break?” she asked hopefully, “You told me that your godfather wouldn’t be home since he is touring his book and I didn’t want you to be alone--”

“It would be an honor.” I squeezed her tight against me.

“Really? I thought you’d be nervous about meeting my father.”

I forgot about that.

“Naruto?” Hinata looked up at me worriedly.

“I’m sorry, but I am a little nervous. Do you think he’ll like me?”

She rested her chin on my shoulder and offered me a smile, “Well I love you so I think he will too.  He likes to act all tough, and he was at one point, but deep down he is a softie.”

“I remember him being hard on you back when we were younger, always comparing you to your little sister and cousin.”

“He did.” she looked away, “A lot. But things have gotten better.  I just think he was having hard time with my uncle passing and everything.”

Hinata did love her father, despite all the crap he put her through.  I don’t know if I’d be able to let all that go but if she is in a good place with him then I’ll be open minded about him.

“Your father always struck me as a traditional type of guy. What will he think of us always finding a way into each other’s beds.” I whispered against her neck to distract her from her melancholy thoughts.

She cleared her throat and gripped onto my shirt, “Uh, um. When you put it like that he wouldn’t be thrilled.”

“Like what?” I grazed my teeth over her pulse point.

“He’s probably think that you’ve taken my innocence or something.” she gulped, her skin getting hotter.

I planted a light, feathery kiss on her neck and snickered, “I’m kidding, Hinata.”

“Naruto, you can’t get me all worked up like that!”

“I like seeing you all worked up though.” I rubbed circles on her back.

“I wouldn’t care, y’know.”

“I know.” I nodded.

“So what is stopping you?” she asked carefully.

“When I make love to you, I want it to be perfect. Can’t be in a college dorm room where the walls are thin.”

“You’re sweet.” she averted her gaze, her cheeks tinted.

“Besides, I want to make a good impression on your dad.  I’ll just have to sneak into your room at night or something.”

“Like my secret lover?” Hinata giggled, “I’m sure if I explained to him then he’d allow us to be in the same bed together. If anything he’ll make us keep the door open or something.”

“My idea sounds risky though!”

“I don’t want you to meet our family katana though, Father would love a reason to use it.” she pleaded.

“Alright, we’ll be honest. I do want him to like me after all.”

She gave me her pretty smile and hugged me tightly, “Oh, I can’t wait!”

I have to do something real special for her but I couldn’t let her find out. I wanted her to be completely surprised and blown away. Hell, I wanted to make her fall in love with me all over again and make her proud to be my girl. I’m not usually the type of guy to think things through and plan things out but for her I wanted to make the effort.

For every single year she waited for me I wanted to make up for. Sometimes being an idiot comes to bite you in the ass. I could’ve had something so great a long time ago.  At the same time, I would’ve taken it for granted because I was young and immature. Nowhere near the man Hinata deserves.

“I’m gonna take a shower, did you want to stay here tonight?” I picked her up and sat her on my bed, “I’m pretty sure Sasuke is staying with Sakura tonight.”

She nodded quickly, “I don’t mean to be mean, but when he stays the night Sakura has a hard time being… quiet.”

I saw the blush spread across her face and I knew exactly what she was talking about.

“Well, well, well. I didn’t think Sasuke had the balls to do it when you’re in the room.” I leaned against the doorway.

“I wasn’t trying to listen! I was asleep but then I woke up because of a bad dream… and then I heard them, but I didn’t want to embarrass Sakura so I just pretended to be asleep.”

“Oh, Hinata! This is gold!”

“Uh uh! You can’t say anything about that, Naruto.”

“Sakura is always lecturing me about being a gentleman with you and Sasuke teases me constantly! This is the perfect blackmail!”

“Please don’t!” She squeaked and ran over to cover my mouth, “Not a peep!”

“Ah! Only for you! But we have to find some way to pay them back.”

“You can think about that while you shower.” She laughed and dug in my drawer for one of my shirts.

I’d much rather watch her change into my clothes but I’d have to push the pervert out and get cleaned up. When I came out she was cross-legged on my bed reading over the script again, her hair piled on the top of her head. How she managed to always look this beautiful is beyond my understanding. The smile she gave me when she noticed my presence was so sweet and I will always treasure how it makes me feel.

She set aside the script and made room in my small full size bed for the both of us. I pulled her into my arms and ran my fingers up and down her back. I only paused when she started to giggle.

“What? Did that tickle?”

She shook her head and tucked a few stray hairs behind her ear, “You hold me like it’s the last time you’ll ever see me. You know I’ll never leave you right?”

“Yeah, I know that. It’s just…”

Her eyes looked deep into my soul as she waited patiently for me to get what I needed to get out.

“I don’t know, I… just can’t wrap my head that someone like you would even love me or even give me a glance.” I bit my lip, “I can’t help myself.”

She pressed her lips against mine and traced little patterns on my whiskers, “Falling in love with Naruto Uzumaki is the easiest thing I’ve done in my life. It has always been you. The smile that filled me with hope.”

“I love you.”

I wasn’t afraid to say it anymore and I meant it. With every fiber in me I love Hinata.  Fuck timing, I needed her to know. Her pearlish eyes glistened and teared up at the three words and she hugged me tightly.

“Naruto…”

“Hinata Hyuga, I love you and I will always love you.” I brought my lips to hers and kissed her again and again.

Home wasn’t back in my small town, it is wherever she is. My light, the reason why I’ll always come back, what keeps me grounded. She is mine and I am her’s forever.

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