#everything sucks fml
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curled up in bed listening to mcr in the dark at 7pm on a wednesday night hmmmmm what is this
#.mei chats#.not f/o related#feels middle school coded tbh#but yh not having the greatest night ever#need like a Warm cup of tea and to relax i think#or like 4 shots of vodka#hmmmmm….#2 demotivated to get up and get water or eat so head hurts nd im super dizzy too this sucks#everything sucks fml
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can't get that one banter out of my head. the one that goes:
Lucanis: Why would you want to outlast everything you love? It sounds like a terrible fate. Emmrich: There's always something to discover in the world. A fresh marvel. A new friend. I think I should never grow tired of that.
because as a friend, maybe you can understand that. you're coming together for a brief time to save the world, and then you'll likely go your separate ways. you might keep in touch! visit, send letters. but ultimately, you will both meet and then part, and that's how all things end eventually.
but as his lover, it was a little rough to hear. sure of course there are flings and those can be great, but if your rook is anything like mine, he was thinking... uh, long-term? and emmrich's plans basically mean that one way or another, the relationship is going to end and emmrich is going to live forever and just move on. you know, new things to discover, new friends to make. and eventually, in the span of eternity, rook'll be... a blip. maybe a particularly notable one if you're lucky, but you'll be (statistically, in thedas) ashes, so it's not like you'll be able to have an opinion about it.
and it gets me thinking, because yes, emmrich is deeply petrified of death, this is established. but he is also deeply affected by the loss of his parents. it seemed odd to me that he'd just... brush that off when lucanis asked about outlasting everything. sure, emmrich might be seeing this whole immortality thing with rose-coloured glasses and is trying to look at the positives, but there's no way he's blind to the fact that if he goes through with this, he is going to be on an endless track of repeatedly watching every "new friend" he makes grow old and die. he knows what that loss feels like.
so the only explanation i can think of is that he finds it more tolerable to spare other people the pain of losing him than he does to spare himself the pain of losing others. maybe he feels he's better equipped to handle that, given his experience and his profession, or maybe he's just so terrified of his own mortality that it seems a fair enough trade to him. but i can't imagine he hasn't thought about it.
#everyone say thank you to my husband for encouraging me to post this.#i just finished blood of arlathan so there's still a ways to go in his personal quest! as always these thoughts are malleable#anyways i need to dig into his brain#emmrich tell me everything. i need to know and im willing to put corentin through the ordeal of hearing your answers#it'll suck for him but *i* need to know#this one is a lot less baked because i have a lot less certainty on his thoughts here but have it anyway#i assume we won't talk about it again until i've done more for his personal questline#corentin is currently in his ''fml i should have been a rakish hero with no ties but instead im a lovesick idiot'' era over this#''bellara in your serial unsubtly inspired by me can you write me in a boyfriend that wont leave me behind to be a skeleton''#''rook do you need to talk'' ''no''#IT'S FINE IT'S FINE!!!#WE'RE WORKING OUT THE KINKS!#emmrich#emmrichmance#volkorentin#corentin pt#dav#dav spoilers#mine#my meta#emmrook#emmrich x rook
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anyone got tips on how NOT to be a pathetic extrinsic motivation whore?
#fml#HAHA WORK SUCKS IF ANYONE WAS WONDERING#DEAR DIARY DO NOT PUT YOUR MANAGER ON A PEDESTAL IT WILL KILL YOU#ALSO TRY NOT TO MAKE YOUR MANAGER YOUR SOLE SOURCE OF VALIDATION AND HAPPINESS THATS A BOTMLESS PIT FUCKIN HELL#art i guess#rant#vent post#vent art#mmmmm#FUCK#UGH#I HATE WORK#I HATE LIFE#I HATE BEING ALIVE#I HATE EVERYTHING#SAVE ME#SOS#HELP#HELP ME
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well this is what ive been doing for the past 2 weeks
#sorry for using chrome. drive sucks on firefox. i use firefox for everything else. literally it's open right next to this for other shit#so what im doing is making a list of every creature you ever encounter in dai (that part is complete. it took a week)#and making note of its important stats and now its chance of each elemental immunity with the walk softly trial on#because i am genuinely planning that solo nightmare all trials run and the most important thing is making sure i can actually hit everythin#you will notice that NOTHING is EVER immune to spirit damage. that is due to a bug that i personally discovered in the trial implementation#the only creatures that can gain immunity to spirit through the trial are cretahl and hurlock alphas (only the ones in the descent)#and the only creatures naturally immune to spirit are in dlc (mostly trespasser but some in the other dlc too)#so basically what this means is that you NEED spirit runes lmao. or i guess runes to damage specific types of enemy#the least likely immunity of the three core elements is electric which is good because chain lightning is VERY powerful for solo runs#you've just gotta be mindful of hitting yourself because friendly fire WILL be on for this run fml#oh so those percentages arent technically correct. they're inflated for most creatures#for normal-ranked creatures (rank 0) there's a 20% chance they'll be promoted to elite (rank 1) and then all elites--#(whether promoted to elite or already elite) have that chance of immunity. so you can divide them by 5 for normal-ranked creatures#except for the 100% ones. those are from preexisting immunities#yes im putting way too much thought into all of this. i went into the all trials and the solo nightmare runs without doing too much work#it's just that on nightmare you get FULL immunities and with no companions you've gotta make sure you can deal with that#because you might end up in a situation where you just cant damage something AT ALL#(a good reason to diversify your abilities. also you CAN damage them it's just capped at 1 damage per hit)#and no abilities that decrease resistances help because an immunity is +1000% resistance and nothing comes close to getting that under 100#im having fun at least. i wouldnt keep doing this if it was too boring#some of it has been tedious (especially going through some of the areas with dozens of the same enemy) but ultimately feels worth it#the spreadsheet has 5678 lines ftr. fortunately around 2.5k are npcs so i dont have to do anything more with them#anyway. i usually post about what da-related thing im up to every now and then and it's been ages so i thought id give an update lmao#personal#da#dai#undescribed#there are also a lot of interesting things like. you'll see that poison spiders CANT be immune to nature damage#and that's because it wont apply an immunity if the creature is already immune to that element OR its associated effect#so poison spiders arent immune to nature damage but they ARE immune to poison so they wont gain nature immunity from the trial
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"don't make me suffer for your fucked up decisions" yeah fuck my life whatever
#fuck my life#fml#I hate my life#fuck everything#fuck men#fuck women#fuck humans#we fucking suck#I hope we die a miserable death#fuck#bpd#mental illness
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welp i was right, i got a fuckin cold
#lmaO FML#not gonna bring priya to work today it’s just too much rn#i feel like i got hit by a truck ajdhajdjjs i hate everything but i need the moneyyyyy#i think i might cancel her training for this saturday so i can at least have 1 day to chill and sleep#god this sucks lmao and the only reason i’m working extra is bc i agreed to cover the other girl before i got sick 😭#on the upside#i’m getting a cute new debit card with a picture of my cat ahahahaHAHA#apple babble 🍎#non fandom
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Oh god give me strength
#fml#whenever I decide I'm gonna do something better for myself something has to come along and ruin it#this shit sucks#I wish I was a year younger smh#I cannot even blame anyone cuz this is my fault#should've known better from when I cannot even remember anything#I barely have any memories from last year#but I know they are bad#had decided I would stop the thoughts of dying.#guess it's not time yet#UGH#I don't want to go there alone wtf#those people are scary af#I maybe overthinking this but god what if they hate me#I really don't want to after all that has went down#why is my mother so fixated on that goddamn#fuck my life#wanna die so bad rn#cannot even cry cuz I have to study#i hate everything#not queued
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Ahem
Fuck
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.
#text#I’m so stressed bc every single time I make a little bit of money#all of it gets sapped away by bills#literally haven’t gone anywhere#bought anything for myself in almost a year#my only pleasures in life is creating atm#but I miss going out and doing stuff#I hate that the government keeps piling bills on me#we work so so so hard and every month it’s tight#fml fml fml#I’m so stressed bc I have like a good chunk of bills to get through#I didn’t want to enter the new year like this#but everything fucking sucks man#I’m even working tonight on New Years w my partner#we can’t even take a break#we haven’t stopped working since like may this year#anyway I’m sorry#negative#deletables
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I haven't felt like myself all month. It's been really upsetting, everything seems to be going wrong with me, I have so much to figure out. I got a new outfit so I tried to dress it up and take stupid pics and that kinda helped.
#no matter how much i exercise or what i eat i am still a chonk#i hate it#my skin thinks im 14 and is super awful#my hair now looks stupid#everything sucks#this vessel sucks#personal#dyed hair#coffee#coffee time#casual goth#alt#purple hair#makeup#alt mom#shits rough#i hate myself#i feel like shit#i look like shit#fml#going through it#I'm just complaining
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Honestly "I could give you the world but you'd poison the seas" is Frosscore enough that it could apply to most people who have ever cared about him. But also, it should clearly be about Lis. Combine that with Aloy's "Elisabet is the only reason you even have a planet to return to" for greater impact. Boom
#not to be obsessed with not only my own playlists but also my own writing but. man. poetic cinema#starting to think that the reason fross is always self-sabotaging is because he's already convinced that everything will inevitably go wron#and instead of waiting for it to catch him off guard he just. poisons it a little himself first.#and maybe then it won't hurt as much when shit does hit the fan!#(< look at this dumbass (me) having the exact same realization about my characters five separate times bc my memory sucks 😔)#but just look at his history. every time he tried to do something the right way in earnest it got fucked up for reasons out of his control#so. i could see it. why put in the effort to do things the right way if he's gonna get disappointed in the end?#it's almost like the hurdles that he himself creates are a test. and smth can only be worth pursuing if it can endure those hurdles first#it makes sense why his redemption arc starts once he's stuck on earth and he's like.#''ok now nemesis is gonna kill me for sure. there is nothing i can do to make this situation any worse. guess i'll wash the dishes fml''#lol#but i also think about pre-apocalypse fross practically begging tilda to let him have something that's uniquely his. even if it sucks#(putting a pin on fross's anxieties about being cloned and his disdain towards aloy and beta in that regard)#because he feels like he's always been pulled by external forces and he doesn't know how to break free. doesn't think he even WANTS to#because it's all he's ever known. and stepping outside of his comfort zone is scary :')#but of course he doesn't have the emotional awareness to even be aware of any of that lmao. pity#oc: fross#oc tag#ramble#anyways. sorry i put the meat of this post in the tags. i didn't expect to write this much lol
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'tis period season
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You ever just
#finals#studying#fml#I’m trying to hard#i’m so tired#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#I study 6+ hours a day and I still have more to do#fanfiction is literally pulling me through omg I’m so uncool lol#everything and everyone sucks!#but life is beautiful :)#gonna lose it#girlblog#girlblogging#girlblogger#sad girl#FUCK
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may cry
#watched some videos from the exo fanmeeting and it got me so excited and so happy#but then it got to me again how shitty my life is rn and it takes away from even the nicest things#fml#imma turn into a depression tumblr blog at this rate#life sucks#everything fucking sucks#im sad#vg: personal
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I'm having a quiet meltdown because I'm upset that I can't get the range (stove/oven) I want because it's slightly too expensive and the only other gas one with a lower storage drawer has been out of stock forever on Home Depot's website and I need to eat dinner, but I don't want any of the Hello Fresh meals we got this week (had a different burger last week on Friday, had ravioli for lunch so I don't want the meatball rigatoni bake because it's too similar and don't feel like cleaning out the air fryer baskets to make the veggies for the chicken meal [because the oven doesn't work] and also don't want to make a sauce) and I also don't want my "smelly macaroni" (that's what Spouse calls my gouda macaroni from Aldi) and I don't want to eat their shells and cheese because they're not mine and I don't want to make the frozen bag of pesto shells and I had gnocchi last night so I don't want that either and I have no frozen pizzas so I'm just not going to eat anything and cry alone on the couch because Spouse is in the other room listening to an audiobook with the cat.
#meltdown#possibly hangry#but i don't feel hangry#i'm not even really hungry#i don't want anything for dinner#but i probably should eat something#fml i guess#why can't we have nice things#home ownership#broke af#because everything in this house keeps breaking#adulting#adulting is hard#adulting sucks
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i heart blocking almost every fnaf blog i see lalalaaalalala i love circulating my expirience lalalalalalalalalaaaaa
#cupid.exe#no the puppet is not going to be retconned by the mimic those r two seperate characters enterly#hell charlie and david are from two diffrent families entirely ?????????????#the mimic is not looking for peace between dead kids infact its doing the exact opposite#(people when they see two tall lankey character connected to a dead kid) fml i cant believe theyre replacing them#like i get it if u dont like the mimic you go whatever but i dont think getting that info from a youtuber (whos known to just suck too)#i dont think is a good idea... maybe dig into the story of the mimic for a second and form ur opinions on that#im not telling u to read everything on it if udont like it maybe just the first story its in and then think abt it for a hot second#sorry to my mutual who doesnt like the mimic btw ur chill
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