#everything is labelled and sorted well though. and the vibes are good... i like it....
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haul under the cut 👍 (this is gonna get long because i want to link to as many artists as possible)
kseichu (beatrice, oc stuff) (linktree) crmsnmsk (arakawa family pin) (etsy) kirvia (carrd), qosic (bio site), naroym (tw, ig) -- they boothed together, but i think the sigma is from qosic, and the zine from kirvia+naroym. naroym drew the little tomi! dearmiini (bunny stickers) (store, ig) anime abbotsford (cardcaptor sakura x sanrio figure) (website) kr3amroll (yagami keychain, shishido keychain) (linktree) jarofjamm (ichi+tanimura print) (website, tumblr) pastel aggressive (glitter heart stickers) (facebook) alli ens (photocard holder) (website, tumblr) marinewaltz (ffxiv and vocaloid stickers) (website, tumblr)
and of course, the magazine i mentioned in this post. grabbed it secondhand from hondarake! was recommended to me by someone (and my sister insisted on going) and yeah. good spot tbh i enjoyed it very much and i will be back (or perhaps lurking their site now that i know it exists...)
probably going to be less active for about a week or so cause i'm going to sydney (and attending smashcon).
#jitxt#my stuff#hopefully all those links work fine#i think my favourites of the haul are:#the beatrice keychain. the adachi zine. the shishido keychain. and the pin my friend got me!#i gotta get some photocards printed so i can use that holder...#SOMEHOW DIDN'T BUY ANY DUNMESHI... i like it but i don't anticipate it being a forever interest for me so i didn't get anything#i wish i saw bravern merch though... maybe i gotta fix that myself smh#hondarake made some really good window shopping if you're ever in that neck of the woods. and the lady there seems really nice#things you can't find at places that only sell new stuff (like kinokuniya does for instance. which is also great but again. only new)#but since it's japanese secondhand you need to have some idea how to navigate/what you're looking for#everything is labelled and sorted well though. and the vibes are good... i like it....#i'm not after any japanese print manga rn but i would like to have some physical media of My Guys so i'll keep an eye out if i'm ever back#i so badly wanted to find a dvd of something yamakoji has been in but it was not my fate...#but yeah the magazine is something i only got because $5AUD+no shipping is about as good as a deal i'm ever going to get outside of japan#even if the issue is not focused on smap specifically#not sure if anything in it is worth scanning but i might have to try anyway... i think the shingo pictures are specific to this magazine...#went back to the hotel and opened it up and pointed at tsuyoshi and told my sister “this is who my mutual likes” 😇#and the bistro smap pictures reminded me of the kimutaku biting compilation so i told her about that too#“what's wrong with him?” yeah sorry he's just like that#anyhow that's basically it
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Hi! I've read a lot of your drow lore posts, and I absolutely love all the information you've provided (and the way you organize them makes my brain happy.) I know you've talked about being transgender in Drow society, but do you have any ideas on how being nonbinary would work? Acceptance, role in society, ect.? I was just curious because I'm nonbinary but I'm also getting really into Drow culture haha
Hello - thank you for visiting my drow corner and for an interesting question! 😊
🕷️ In a typical Lolth-worshipping society, I am afraid that coming out as nonbinary - or expressing any kind of gender nonconformity, really - would be dangerous for a drow character.
Structures of Underdark Lolth-sworn drow societies are pretty rigid and focused around female-male dichotomy - which is firmly rooted in teachings of the church of Lolth. Drow whose gender identity does not fit this dichotomy are typically seen as a danger to the fundamental values of Lolth-sworn society.
A nonbinary drow would probably have two basic options: to live in the closet, with their assigned gender determining how they are perceived and referred to - or to leave. Seeking open acceptance would not end well, I suppose, especially for a drow who is closely connected to some noble house or to Lolth's clergy.
For a non-noble drow, things would probably be easier. Without a row of house priestesses, siblings and matron mother watching their every move, they would probably be able to act more freely. They might find, for example, a gender neutral profession - maybe one that requires them to travel a lot and spend time among other, more accepting people.
Still, trying to be openly nonbinary Lolth-sworn drow among other Lolth-sworn drow would be very dangerous.
🕷️ In drow societies where the main deity is Vhaeraun, I suppose that a nonbinary drow would have next to zero problems with being accepted.
Some followers of Vhaeraun heavily promote patriarchy and dominance of drow males, though, especially in power structures.
So, it is probably easy to imagine that, for example, a nonbinary drow with a very feminine look and style of dress might confuse some Vhaeraunans - at least initially. Some of them (mainly males) might be quick to label such an individual 'female' and stubbornly insist to treat them like one, or approach them with a measure of distrust.
In such case, becoming a cleric of Vhaeraun might also be a problem. Church of Vhaeraun sometimes advertises itself as "egalitarian", but... yeah, in practice, distribution of power is typically heavily tilted there in favour of male drow.
Still, I cannot really imagine Vhaeraunans (in general) persecuting a nonbinary drow for the sole fact of being nonbinary. Vhaeraunan societies are fairly accepting, as long as you are not working against them and you do not worship Lolth.
🕷️A drow society where Ghaunadaur is worshipped - I suppose that a nonbinary drow who is chaotic, evil and maybe also more or less insane, would feel good there. Good characters, not so much.
Ghaunadaur is not a nice deity (chaos, sacrifices, madness, crawling creatures, alien intelligence - Lovecraftian vibes, sort of), but has an affinity for everything that is primordial, not defined and not clearly shaped.
I think that nonbinary, chaotic evil drow, especially outcasts, might be attracted to his cult - they might perceive Ghaunadaur as a fitting alternative to Lolth or other established Underdark deities popular among drow. To Ghaunadaur, male-female dichotomy is totally irrelevant.
🕷️Eilistraeans would have no problem with nonbinary drow - they would be treated just like any other person. Followers of Eilistraee might be also ready to offer help to a drow who became an outcast because of coming out as nonbinary.
A good (in terms of alignment) nonbinary drow might be attracted to the cult of Eilistraee, especially since for Eilistraeans, male-female dichotomy is not overly important - they generally promote equality and harmony, and they are always glad to welcome new followers, no matter their gender identity.
Whew, I hope I managed to include all relevant aspects 🙂Hope you will find this post useful!
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interview series: doja cat edition
July 27th 2023
doja cat’s current energy:
she’s feeling very affectionate and nurturing right now (i’m assuming towards her relationship/partner) she’s also not taking any sort or criticism nor is she interested in any sort of self reflection at the moment. she feeling herself for sure & feels accepted by the people that matter most to her and that’s what she’s focusing on. people thinking they can criticize her is causing her to be super rebellious and she feels as if she’s claiming personal her authority with the way she’s acting. she feels as if everyone and everything is working against her and out to get her. it’s like she’s right to feel “controlled” but at this point she’s fighting for fighting’s sake. like even if you’re agreeing with her, you’re doing it wrong. she’s trusting her impulses and acting on them and she refuses to let anyone throw her back into self doubt. if im being honest, it feels a bit manic. i think she’s being quite patient in her relationship as well and things aren’t actually going as well as she hoped. she sees the man in her life right now as very careless and irresponsible, not very dependable and even a bit disappointing but she wants to stick by him despite this. i think she’s also still dealing with betrayal from a friend.
does doja cat really hate her music from hot pink and planet her?
no, she doesn’t actually hate her music from these albums. i think she’s just tired of it and is only saying she hates it because everyone else likes it so much. contrarian vibe, but she knows it’s good. i think it’s more about the unhappy emotions she attaches to the music from that time.
is doja cat acting up to get her label to drop her because she doesn't like her contract?
nope.
how does doja cat feel about her fans right now?
she feels the need to disrupt them and get things shaking. it’s like she thinks “my real ones will stay regardless” almost like she’s purging out the fakes. she feels very strongly about them (genuinely love to hatred) and knows they gave her power and she can do whatever she wants with it now (including cuss them out) she feels they need to learn to be their own people and that they’re too superficial and can’t see beyond the surface. she does feel safe for the most part though and as if she can see who’s truly devoted and a fan of her for (what she thinks) are the right reasons
was doja cat ever bullied for being black/biracial?
yes, she definitely was.
did doja cat’s mother contribute to her issues with blackness?
yes, I believe so. not on purpose or in a malicious way or anything though. it seems she just genuinely didn’t know how to raise a biracial/black child, but i think tried her best? there was A LOT of struggle here though.
how does doja cat feel about j.cyrus right now?
she feels he will overcome everything people are throwing at him and she feels he’s quite confident. she wants them to come out of this strong. she feels he deserves a new start.
how does doja cat feel about fans reaction to her dating j.cyrus?
she feels miserable and a bit devastated and i think that may be what caused her to adopt this whole “idgaf” attitude about the whole thing. but in reality, i think she may even have shed tears over this. she knows this is attached to her forever and may even feel insecure in her friendships because of it. she knows people are looking at her like she’s a terrible person.
how does doja cat feel about the allegations against j.cyrus?
i think she thinks he’s been honest and faithful and is choosing to trust in him during this time. i don’t think she even believes in the allegations, she’s choosing to be naive, thoughtless & rash when it comes to this and honestly, straight up stupid. she’s upset about the allegations overall though.
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I’ve got to say I think I’ve cracked why something about Thingol’s Quenya ban just gives me a major ick, and it’s not just my blatant Feanorian apologist tendencies because it’s literally just him and Eol that I get like this about. I’m not irrationally angry at Dior or Fingolfin and definitely not at the Teleri. It’s just him and creepy misogyny personified.
Because you see the history books I grew up with all talked at length about the circumstances that led to the virtual eradication of the Irish language (Gaeilge) and they are very Not Good. Languages don’t disappear for no reason, an entire people don’t just give up on the culture they were raised into and love if there isn’t some kind of outside pressure.
And the thing that bothers me about the Quenya Ban in particular is that so many colonisers did that sort of thing, villainised a language and through it a culture and people, and in all those cases it had a very negative effect in the people in question, forcing them to give up their heritage. It’s just racist there’s no way around it, he’s angry it the actions of the Feanorians mainly and so develops this deep hatred for everything associated with the race and culture they belong to, automatically labelling it with their crimes even though many who identify with it did nothing wrong.
And then enforcing it as law that people have to essentially assimilate to Sindarin and give up their identity, he makes them fucking change their names (that bit in particular is one of the things that makes me draw connections to Irish history to be honest, though I know it definitely applied elsewhere as well). I don’t know I’m getting extreme coloniser vibes off this guy and I don’t like it.
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no pressure. But you mentioned some posts or fics that may explore a bit more of that girl Chloe's sunshine disposition and perhaps more of AU lore. I wouldnt mind if you point me in the right direction. Thank youuu. B
The post is this one right here 😁
Firstly to make things easier, I dub this AU Paris84. A nod to the marvel Earth## motiff and the 1984 vibe.
So the comment came when you mentioned Chloé not being interested in guys. My writer brain told me 'that's not exactly true, but it's also not not true.'
The confusion makes sense considering the end of 'The First Rule' but even then the hints are there... Backing up slightly I don't often assign characters specific orientation labels. I just let them be themselves. So, having a think about it, the murky human-sexuality waters of Chloé84 cleared up a bit for me, so I thought I would share.
If we look at the end of The First Rule, it doesn't end like many do. There's no counter confession. There's no dramatic kiss. In fact, Chloé specifically avoids answering the direct question. The fact it isn't from her PoV means we're not privy to her thoughts too. (Well, the reader isn't) But it goes something like this:
What Sabrina needs more than anything in this moment moment is *validation*.
If she is rejected, no matter how kindly, there is a good chance she will seek another, who may expose her to the law.
So, she makes it okay for Sabrina to love her. She accepts the love without professing anything of her own. Likely she will continue to do so as long as possible. Might there be a conversation down the line? Possibly. Chloé has not thought much about her own sexuality or preferences. For one the comp-het is exceedingly strong under The Supreme. It carries the force of law! For another, there is a selfish(not negative) aspect to sexuality. It starts with *I* like and *I* want. Chloé has internalized the propaganda of the supreme that *we* is her mindset much more often. It makes such ideas harder to wrestle with and not worth the time at the moment. (Though perhaps Sabrina's confession will goad her into contemplation)
This brings us to the word at the heart of the matter, the way Chloé feels.
Agape. (Ah-gah-pay) A universal benevolent love. Sometimes characterized a the love a deity feels for followers. Also as a familial tie to all things.
Chloé loves Sabrina. Chloé loves The Supreme. Chloé would love Adrien Agreste. Chloé even loves Marinette Dupain-Cheng. She is not *in love* with any of them. Some are more dear than others, universal does not mean egalitarian, but the sort of 'like this not that' or even 'like everything definitively' or 'like nothing' that defines sexuality just isn't a part of her mentality at this point.
So a long winded lore-dump to say we don't really know what she's 'into' yet. 🤣
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do you think d word girlie (also being a dh girlie lol) would be working her arse off these past few days w all the self titled promo and stuff omg. imagining her back stage today at reading being like ‘thank fuck it’s finally here. now I can actually chill🙄🙄’
yeah!! ever since matty announced it at trnsmt, your job has been to kinda curate the vibe for promo - literally, you were SCROLLING through sd card upon sd card looking at old pics and footage to use (and death glaring matty when he came over to annoy you like "hehehehehehe you fancied me when i looked like that"). because it's a festival, you don't necessarily have as much to worry about and coordinate as you did for fins, but given that the boys were asked to headline later than everyone else there's been a lot of paperwork and negotiation and planning to do in a little amount of time. AND you have two other artists from the label performing too. so yeah! you've been stressed, home since hawai'i to get everything sorted and avoid a last-minute panic - matty came into the office one night once he got home from america to help you with any r&l prep that he could, but you'd basically done everything already so he ended up just offering stress relief by eating you out under the desk once everyone else left and taking you home lol. and because you're so prepared, the past few days haven't been too bad, just making sure merch (which tbh was already on the cards for the actual album anniversary anyway) is good to go and the promo posts on socials are all scheduled. and since you got to reading this morning and checked everything was fine, you've actually been ok - matty had wandered round with you when you were checking, and once you were done and said "ok, it's all alright. i can breathe again", he lifted you into a big hug and said "thank you for all you've done, sweetheart. wouldn't be nearly as good without you". since then, though, it's been his turn to be stressed about the performance, so you're now just spending the afternoon cuddling him in the green room and keeping him calm; you're visibly really excited about the show, and just being around you radiating gleeful anticipation is making matty (and the rest of the boys, honestly) feel quite good about performing. thinking you also get changed into a self titled-esque/soft grunge tumblr 2k14/classic rockstar gf fit to watch the boys perform, which matty finds both adorable (that you would do that) and also "really fucking sexy, actually, sweetheart" - he forgets to be nervous because he's too busy looking at you lmao. and i fear that may well continue during the show itself too lol <3
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I would love to hear some father figure Doctor D headcannons..
FATHER FIGURE DOCTOR D. YEAH HES YES OF COURSE
He is THE dad of the zones honestly, he literally adoped cherri, he basically adoped the fab four and later down the line vaya and vamos and the girl is like literally his grandchild not literally but as the fab four are his kids so shes his grandchild plus he's like been there since the start he probably knew her mother.
Anyway I've made a post about this bit before ! Show Pony is his biological nephew ! And they grew up visiting him and being a little helper around his radio station in LA and when they hot older, theyd spend their summers staying with him, and he was always a lot funner and when Pony was like ten and realized they felt genderweird. He was way more accepting than their lameass probably transphobic parents so Dr D's their cool uncle but really they see him more as their father figure, and Ponys staying with him one summer when theyre twelve and the helium wars start and stuff shuts down and eventually he has to fight, but he's officially taken in Pony since they cant get in contact with their parents and man, Ponys twelve and its war, they don't want to go back to their sucky parents anyway. And Dr D fucking loves that kid and always hated his stuck up brother, so he never complains.
In the wars he gets really close to another older man he fights beside, a partner, they never label anything but dr d kinda loves him, but things go wrong one day and he loses his legs and his friend all at once. His partner had a son, though, one a little older than pony, and it was just the two of them and so dr d promised his partner he'd look after his son, make sure he wasnt sent to one of the orphanages popping up with bad vibes
So he takes in that 14 year old boy, who will later be known as Agent Cherri Cola, and he loves that kid like his own, because if cherris father and him had both made it through to the end of that war cherri probably would have been his own, if he got to marry that man. Cherri misses his dad like hell but he loves dr d too, and with time sees him as a father and pony as a sibling, for his dad may have raised him but it was dr d and pony that he was with when the war ended and Battery City was erected and when they settled in the desert and watched the zones as we know them be born.
And then its Jet Star, after the zones have been the zones for a while, when cherri and pony are practically grown up, 17 and 20 respectively, Jet's a sand pup, old enough to remember the wars but barely the world before it, so the deserts his home, he grew up out there with his family, on a ranch, and his family then became his crew, who was then lost in a tragic firefight, and jet was alone, drifting the zones at sixteen, its pony that brings it to light, that knows jet and says a friends been drifting since they lot their crew, asks dr d if he can stay with them for a bit at he station. And well, dr d loves his kid, so he says yeah, who is he to deny a joy that needs help.
Jet lives with them for a year, and then moves on to find their own place when they arent so lost, arent grieving their family as hard, but the thing is dr d just has this affect on people, and jet sees him as a sort of father figure too, and he sees jet as another kid, especially when he watches them go stay in the diner, and then take in ghoul, whos just a little fukin kid, ran away from the city at eleven, and somehow survived, not to mention somehow made it all the way out to zone five on foot, and with a gun but hardly being able to shoot it. And jets just seventeen still but they take in ghoul at the diner and kinda teach him the way of the zones, and theyre always over at the station, and ghouls this little kid thats lost everything but hes a fucking spitfire, he reminds dr d of cherri when he first took him in, and of course he helps out jet with teaching him stuff, and ghouls young but hes crazy good at engineering and coding and electronics and stuff, since he grew up with androids and learned early how to help them out, do repairs, hes good at that shit and he fixes some of the old equipment around the station and like seriously, dr d just adopts any kid hes known for more than like a week so hes fucking proud of this smartass kid, and then he gets to see him grow up too and he just loves them all more as time passes.
And then its the venom brothers, two years later, they're older when they get out of the city, and poison at least is already a decent fighter. Jets nineteen and ghouls thirteen and the two of them run into the brothers in a firefight, where poisons shielding their little brother with their body, just them against a group of dracs, and of course jet and ghoul see them just in time and sweep in to help. The brothers have been in the zones for just a few weeks aparently, poisons seventeen and kobras fourteen, and they still haven't found a base, so jet invites them to stay in the diner while they figure things out, who they are, how the zones work, and they agree. And since jet and ghoul already visit the station every other fucking day, now kobra and Poison are tagging along too, and they're fucking weird kids and dr d loves them. Poison and pony take a natural shine to each other and to his surprise, cherri becomes a sort of mentor for kobra, whos a real little shit by the way, like ghoul but angry instead of just.. ghoul. Lashing out because he didnt know hat else to do, but with kobra its a different kind of fire, a melting pot of discomfort with his teenage body and figuring out who he is and neurodivergency and getting overstimulated and just hating society and the world in general. Cherri teaches him how to fight with his fists, channel the rage the kid has, thins poisn cant teach him, not really, theyre protective ayway, dont want him holding a gun yet, like ghoul wasnt learning soon as jet took him in because if youre gonna have a gun, you gotta use it right, and out here, you need a gun.
Kobra kind of idolizes Dr D too, cause he's this wicked cool old dj thats like, zones famous, and talks cool and has cool stories, so hes learning to fight from cherri, and this kid thats know nothing but battery city and pills for his whole life gets to hear about the world befoe and music and the wars they only skimmed over in the schools in the city. Kobra talks all city too, kinda hates how he sounded, cause everyone could tell hes from the city from it, but listening to dr d so much, he picks up his accent, old california native/plain old like, fun radio guy kinda accent, yaknow, he says vowels weird somtimes and does the zonestalk thing where ya' smush words t'gether or slur 'em a bit, like that. And he picks up a lot of slang from dr d too.
And once again dr d watches these kids grow up, choose names, watches kobra kid learning to ride a bike and in a couple years he'll be there at his first race at the crash track and fucking cheering, because theres a ton of older joys like him and theres a ton of kids, but this is one of his. These kids chose him, really, and so he's their family, a friend, a father figure, whatever they need.
#sorry i love him#dr d posting#asks#ttlotfk#danger days#the true lives of the fabulous killjoys#doctor death defying
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please please please please make a case for the specific kind of dyke xue yang is pleaaaaase <3
!
I am very, very tired, so I don't know how coherent I'm capable of being, but I'll try my best!
One interesting thing about Xue Yang is the way his non-conformity with societal rules works, because he imo utterly does not give a fuck about the society around him and the way he relates to it, outside of the fact that he doesn't fit in. (With some exceptions, of course.) I read him as kind of having an attitude that can be somewhat summarised in three points, which are:
Society expects certain things, and other people play the game of society by either conforming or not conforming to these things. Xue Yang is highly aware of societal expectations and moral ideals how they're in conflict with what people actually do. He sees through the elaborate dance of social norms and interactions, he knows all the steps, he just thinks it's a stupid dance.
He does whatever he wants. He's not bound by societal conventions in any way; he makes his decisions according to what does and doesn't feel good to him personally. (That isn't entirely true because he's still influenced by society, but I'd say it's mostly true.)
He is important; society and other people are not. He knows how he and his actions are seen and judged, but it doesn't matter, so he'll just go ahead doing what he does! (It does matter to him. Deep down, it does. But that's imo restricted to his anger and hurt at being considered worthless or monstrous, and not as related to any specific actions others judge him for.)
So, Xue Yang's style of non-conformity is drastically different from e.g. Song Lan's. Song Lan cares about society. He deliberately places himself in opposition to its norms, because he sees them as harmful and hopes to change that. Thus, he takes part in that dance, even though the steps he chooses are different. Like, even deliberate subversion of and non-conformity with societal norms in some way reproduce these norms. (Which in itself is a completely neutral thing; subversion and non-conformity are reactions to something and kind of depend on that thing existing in the first place.) Every action is a dialogue with society. And I don't necessarily think that Xue Yang isn't in a dialogue with society, but he goes about it in a different way. He doesn't choose his steps, he just moves, no matter whether he ends up going with the flow or not. He's currently on his way to the buffet table.
(Xiao Xingchen doesn't know the dance. He's stepped on Song Lan's feet thrice already.)
Introductory meta done. Now onto dyke Xue Yang.
To preface that, of course everyone who reclaims the term "dyke" is a dyke, no matter how they present. I'm going with this term partially because it is so vague, partially because it's connected to rebellion and has the same "You think I'm worthless and insult me? Fuck you, I'm going to own everything you despise me for so hard that you'll have no power at all over me" vibe Xue Yang has, and partially because, when used to describe an aesthetic rather than an individual person or a group, it evokes certain images for me that imo fit Xue Yang pretty well. If there's a more precise word for that aesthetic, I don't know it. I'm going to argue in favour of dyke aesthetic Xue Yang, and there are two main points I want to address.
One, Xue Yang's non-conformity is so volatile that I don't think it would fit into a certain category. There's something deliberate about things like being butch or femme, both in terms of these labels having a certain history in a community (I don't think Xue Yang would see herself as part of a queer community, at all) and in terms of the societal dance. It's a specific way of choosing your steps. For Song Lan, that sort of deliberate non-conformity works super well imo because canon Song Lan is so deliberate about the way he doesn't conform! For Xue Yang, I doubt she'd think about things like the way she performs her gender. It doesn't matter. She does what feels good, no matter whether that's inconsistent or fits into any categories. Again, I don't think Xue Yang has the drive to seek out other people who share her experiences or identify with anyone else, which is after all a part of giving the way you do queerness a specific label and arguably a part of openly performing that kind of queerness in the first place.
This isn't particularly uncommon or anything; most lesbians are neither butch nor femme. But on top of that, Xue Yang also doesn't give a shit about conforming or belonging to anything else, so I imagine that the way she looks is... maybe not blatantly, visibly queer? Because that would require her to want to look queer, but also not not visibly queer, because she'd entirely ignore cisheteronormative ideals of How To Dress.
Which brings us to the second point, which is the question of how removed from the dance of society Xue Yang actually is. Bc I think there are some things she would care about. Considering his CQL aesthetics especially, but also in the novel, Xue Yang is edgy! He named his sword Jiangzai! All the not giving a shit about society aside, there is one thing Xue Yang does imo care about performing, and that is the very fact that he doesn't give a shit about society. Which of course stems from the way he was harmed by the prevalent social structure and the hurt he compensates for with his blatant disregard for any kind of morals or propriety. So, like, dyke Xue Yang would still care about looking different, maybe in some way that seems somewhat dangerous and certainly in a way that gives a middle finger to everyone who'd disapprove.
And I genuinely think that might be anything! I can truly see Xue Yang dress in anything from a full biker suit to a 2014 Babymetal stage outfit - the crucial point imo is that she'd always look different, slightly to the left from anything you could give a name to or put your finger on. It would probably be something at least vaguely practical - she needs to be prepared to stab people and wouldn't want to be held back by her clothes of all things - but that's about it. I think that general vibe - neither truly GNC nor truly conforming to anything, neither masculine nor fully feminine nor deliberately androgynous, but always visibly different from the cishet norm - fits the term "dyke" pretty well.
Also, I just think she'd wear knockoff Doc Martens.
#[epistulae ad atticum]#genderbend#xue yang#/i have no idea if i articulated this well#/xue yang is incredibly difficult to describe imo because you can't rely on any categories other than 'edgy'
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╰ ☆ ◞ renee rapp / cis woman / she/her ——— no way is that SAVANNAH-LYNN COOKE? you know they’re TWENTY-ONE YEARS OLD and they’ve been in los angeles for TWO YEARS. they’re chillin’ as a STRIPPER at LUX. oh and they’re notoriously known for being JADED but there are some people who have seen them be CHARISMATIC. i heard they’re a part of a SOLO ACT called SAVANNAH ROSE, yeah they’re a SINGER/SONGWRITER to be honest they sound a lot like RENEE RAPP, LAUREN SPENCER SMITH, KELSEA BALLERINI & KELLIE PICKLER. they’re actually UNDERGROUND.
PART ONE: STATISTICS.
feel free to omit some questions as you see fit.
basic information:
FULL NAME: Savannah-Lynn Rose Cooke
NICKNAME(S): Sav, Savy, Venus
AGE: 21
DATE OF BIRTH: October 10th 2002
PLACE OF BIRTH: Macon, Georgia
GENDER: Ciswoman
PRONOUNS: she/her
ORIENTATION: Bisexual
LANGUAGE(S) SPOKEN: English.
NEIGHBOURHOOD: Southcrest
LIVING ARRANGEMENTS: Southcrest Terrace
family ties:
MOTHER: Tammy-Jo Cooke
FATHER: Harrison Cooke (dead)
SIBLINGS: None
SPOUSE / PARTNER: None
CHILDREN: None
PETS: None
occupational information:
OCCUPATION: Sex Worker
POSITION (IF APPLICABLE): Stripper
NAME OF THEIR ACT: Savannah Rose
SO THEY PLAY INSTRUMENTS? IF SO WHAT?: Piano, guitar, flute.
ARTIST INFLUENCES: Shania Twain, Taylor Swift, Honey K.
CURRENT MONTHLY SPOTIFY/APPLE MUSIC LISTENS ON AVERAGE: 200
personality:
WESTERN ZODIAC: Libra
CHINESE ZODIAC: Horse
POSITIVE TRAITS: Charismatic, Caring, Flirty
NEGATIVE TRAITS: Jaded, Stubborn, Clingy
HOBBIES: Singing, Dancing, playing guitar, writing poetry
AESTHETICS: Glaring spotlights, leftover glitter, crumpled dollar bills
PART TWO: QUESTIONNAIRE.
start at the beginning, who are you and why are you important?
"My name is Savannah Rose, I'm a 22 year old from Georgia and I'm a singer."
how long have you been making music?
"It kinda feels like forever. I did pageants as a little girl so my mama had me doing all sorts of singing bits and stuff like that. But when it came to actually playing instruments, I think I was about ten? so 12 years?"
how would you describe the kind of music you make?
"For me it's pretty real and raw. Vulnerable. It's very much just a girl and her guitar vibes right now but I'm trying to work on that."
who are some of your biggest musical influences?
"Honestly, Tay swift is my girl. I love how she just writes her truth and doesn't accept peoples bad behavior. But I really did look up to both Shania and Honey K and Jenna for a long time."
what is the first record you ever bought?
"The first one I ever bought? My dad took me to the midnight release of Red by Taylor Swift at target... My mom was so mad because I was tired and cranky for my pageant the next day, but in the end it was worth it."
what has working in the music industry meant to you thus far in your career?
Savy pulled in a deep breath. The last thing she wanted was to dox herself in an interview. But at the same time it was so hard to care. At least now she was taking off her clothes for more money then she ever made in pageants. "I haven't found much success doing just music yet. I'm hoping to change that soon."
what are some stand out moments from your career so far?
"Well, this interview is probably the biggest one so far."
how would you describe your style of performance? what makes your shows worth seeing?
"I try to make sure everyone is having a good time. I mean you always have those people who who will never be happy, but I'll do everything reasonable to make sure you're having a good time."
what are you still hoping to achieve in your career?
"All I wanna be able to do is make a living doing what I love to do."
what’s next for you?
"Well, honestly I'm hoping to get discovered. Signed onto someone's label so I can put out my very first album and see how it goes from there."
PART THREE: BACKGROUND:
Savannah was an unwanted child. Though you've never know at looking at it from the outside.
Tammy Jo was promising Miss Georgia contestant who had her title stripped from her once she got pregnant unexpectedly from a one night stand.
With a baby on the way, there really wasn't much more that Tammy or Harrison could do other then get married. Even if the two were complete opposites.
Due to her dreams being dashed, Tammy Jo entered her three month old daughter into a beauty pageant, much to the dismay
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I hate chapter 2 and I feel so bad about it but I cannot fake the enthusiasm I get from group releases for all solos… not all of the member interest me as solo artists and I wonder if this mean I should unstan altogether even though I love them in the group so much.
I think it's super toxic to force yourself to love everything someone releases just bc you like them as people.. and trying to do so will just make you begin to hold it against them.
Like... I think I've said this before last year/early this year when namjoon started doing all sorts of collabs, but if an artist is doing a bunch of different things chances are you won't like everything. But that's good bc it means they're developing as artists and I guess the same thing goes when an artist you love starts focusing on genres you don't like at all. Just pick it up and look at it and if it's not your thing then put it down and enjoy the things you DO like.
I've been thrilled by some chapter 2 developments, neutral about others, and even largely disappointed by others.
But I don't own the members and I don't control them. Maybe over time I might grow apart if they continue doing things in a direction opposite to my interests, but I also might grow closer.
I'm someone who's always been VERY interested in the lyrical aspect of things and love metaphor and the idea that things can be interpreted into many different layers, so tend to lose interest very fast in songs that can only be taken at face value (though exceptions exist)
I'm also very much not a fan of artists repeating the same content as that's equally boring so truly I'm glad evolution is happening even if it feels counterproductive atm.
Am I kinda meh about jks solo? Yeah... bc I enjoy the radio hits done by Justin Bieber, Ed sheeran, Harry styles, and Shawn Mendes... so I'm kinda uninterested in seeing their music be repeated thru jk since I already have them doing that sound... same with dancing. I KNOW jungkook is talented. He's not proving anything to me that I don't know, so him doing replicas of Michael Jackson is also kinda boring bc well.. i can watch decades of MJ doing that already... but for people who don't know him this is a good way for him to show off his vocals and dancing and pop potential... that doesn't include me so I've been pretty meh since it's nothing exciting....
Pop is very repetitive, that's the industry and I'm not faulting that. But if you want to be interesting in it you need to find something that makes you stand out and not replicate what's already being done... :/
I'm not hating on jungkook, and I'm not hating on taehyung.. but I just wish they leaned into things that made them unique instead of doing more safe genres that made them blend in.
But I guess namjoon did that risk and it kinda fcked him over in sales, same with jhope. So clearly I'm not the target audience and they must be doing something right...
Anyways. I'm just hoping that more content is released that IS for me, and I hope the same for you. But if none of it speaks to you it's ok to just enjoy the past content that you DID vibe with and just wait for chapter 3 when they all return and see if that changes anything for you. Xx
I just rbd a ton of content labeled "bts chapter 2" of moments I've really genuinely ADORED and I hope maybe something vibes with you
#bts ot7#negativity tw#pls nobody think im hating on them#i adore them as people so much#and love the music theyve released over the last 10 years#but with 7 people and 7 sounds youre not always going to vibe with everything...#replies
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if you have resources on splitting myself (im not sure how it would work? the impetus is a trauma of sorts but it would be a created plurality so idk) then that would be great. For what its worth I do already practice a distinction between the thoughts and 'me' and have used 'you/us/we' to refer to myself for forever?
and yeah, this seems like a bad way to cope but I have few options yk? ill try real therapy for me and esp the thoughtform when im able.
yeah it's difficult to be sure of origin labels when it's complicated like this, but we settled on the origin label of parotraumagenic because, similarly, our first split was due to the trauma of intrusive thoughts but simultaneously 'on purpose', even if we didn't know any names for what we were doing at the time.
as far as the actual creation goes, i don't really know how i did it, i just sorta 'did it' and experienced very subtle switching for about 5 years until i stumbled across the tulpa community. it was there that i created our tulpa, though my intent at the time was to hijack the consciousness that was already there and turn that into a tulpa. it didn't work so well though, but caim in turn used the process of me making our tulpa to give itself a more defined personality so idk, i guess it kind of worked?
also, it's my belief that a lot more people experience at least a form of psuedo plurality than we're aware of as a society. actors and writers have talked about their characters having minds of their own for centuries, and the concept of a muse is also vaguely pluralish. so yes, that distinction you already have is at least a small step towards it. i think it's incredibly common for people with intrusive thoughts to at least do a small version of what we're doing here as a means of coping.
anyway, enough rambling;
this Tulpa Creation Guide (1) appears to be the main guide in use by the tulpa community right now. there is also this giant list of guides (2) to look through
keep in mind that everything here is pretty separated from the rest of the plural community, so there are going to be a lot of different terms and a lot of different ideas as well. i'm a firm believer in picking and choosing what works for you, so don't feel beholden to any ideas presented in those guides that don't vibe with you.
especially don't be too concerned with the idea of making a fully separate consciousness to your own, or their ideas of full possessive switches (hell, you don't even have to have switches at all if you both vibe with that) - i've found their ideas don't fully gel with median systems (3) and that kinda seems to be what you're going for, they also don't always account for differences between polyconscious (4) and monoconscious (5) systems
i also wouldn't really bother with anything related to imposition. it's a cool thing to be able to do in theory, and if you want to get into it that's fine but it's pretty much just intentionally hallucinating your headmate into the real world and it's not necessary nor does it seem very useful for your case specifically
lastly, though there isn't much in the way of intentional creation of headmates, healthy multiplicity (6) has a lot of resources for how to manage being plural in ways that benefit the whole system, and i'd recommend having a look through all of that as well
i have also found a guide for self-directed exposure response prevention (7), which might be a good thing to do along with your new headmate once you're a little more established. i'll also direct you to the tiktok account (8) - along with their first video on the topic - that i discovered this therapy from
i wish you the best of luck and i do genuinely hope that things get better for you soon. thank you for your patience in the delay of getting this to you
plain text links under the cut in case any of them get weird
https://pluralpedia.org/w/Parotraumagenic - parotraumagenic definition
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1feviU9YQ4o773XEDeZHyjKugNoM1hTgA/view - tulpa creation guide
https://www.reddit.com/r/Tulpas/wiki/guides/ - r/tulpa guides list
https://pluralpedia.org/w/Median - median systems definition
https://pluralpedia.org/w/Polyconscious - polyconscious definition
https://pluralpedia.org/w/Monoconscious - monoconscious definition
http://healthymultiplicity.com/ - healthy multiplicity
https://iocdf.org/expert-opinions/expert-opinion-self-directed-erp/ - self-directed exposure response prevention
https://vt.tiktok.com/ZS8xg9u8G/ - ERP tiktok
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Diary of a Junebug
Once a fish out of water, now completely free from the past
When was the last time we had a fishing tourney? I honestly can’t remember. Anyway, it’s good to get back into the swing of things with camp events. Again, it’s not gonna be a consistent schedule but it works out better for us. Now that spring weather’s here, it seems like a good time to kick things off with a fishing event.
Sandi, Lea, and Jamie are here at the camp to chill out as well as brush up on their fishing skills. Jamie hates to admit it but she’s been a bit out of practice, which is understandable since she’s always on the go. She also says she’s long overdue for a visit to Wizpire so she’s hoping to drop by sometime in the near future, even if it’s just a brief visit. I haven’t been back either so we’re thinking of going together if our plans work out, whenever that will be - hopefully sometime this year.
Sandi’s dealing with something big and she hopes that being out here can help her sort out her feelings, or at least why she feels the way she feels. Overall, she says she feels great, like a huge weight has been lifted off her shoulders. Not exactly popping champagne bottles, but the sentiment is there.
I can’t say much since I’ve never been in that position but I kinda get what she’s going through. Sometimes you never really know what’s holding you back until that one big obstacle is gone.
Over the past year Sandi and Lea have fallen out of contact with Shadow Realm. Nothing big happened, they just stopped talking and that was it. By the time they found out he had died a couple weeks ago, it had been a couple months since then. Truth is, neither one really liked the guy that much so no sad feelings there. Apparently his past was catching up with him to the point he could no longer find a way out and decided to end things there, whatever that means.
I’ll be honest, while I barely interacted with him, I never felt too comfortable around him. I wouldn’t say that he necessarily gives off bad vibes, more like the judgmental “I know everything, you know nothing, so shut up and obey me” vibe. At best, most people just barely tolerated him. There was respect as well as intimidation - not the kind of person you’d want to mess with unless you want a death sentence.
Sandi obviously has mixed feelings about how she sees Shadow Realm as a person and the impact he left on her life. On one hand, he saved her by allowing her to escape the organization alive, knocking it down a peg in the process and kicking off its downfall. He was kind of a dick but in his own way he was genuinely looking out for her. They might be distantly blood related but she doesn’t consider him family, more like a super distant mentor figure who happened to be related to her father. He helped her a lot, but he also hurt her a lot, and it wouldn’t be fair to label him as either a good guy or bad guy because it’s too damn complicated.
Maybe the best way to sum it up is that he was someone who had some misguided intentions - some good, most of them questionable - and while he eventually did a lot of good in the long run, he also did some unforgivable things that can’t - and shouldn’t - be overlooked. In other words he’s a massive questionable gray area and let’s just leave it at that.
As for Shadow Realm’s death itself, Sandi’s over it. Her confusion’s at why she feels so happy about it as well as what it could mean for her future. Though that itself isn’t an issue, more like she didn’t expect to feel that strongly so it’s a bit weird for her. Like she expected to feel more iffy about it, as in torn and conflicted. Again, not a bad thing, just unexpected, but probably the best outcome for all this.
I consider that a good sign. Sandi’s come a long way since I met her, which was about a year or two after leaving the crime organization she was raised in. It wasn’t easy for her to leave, a feat she wouldn’t have accomplished without people like Lea, Dell, Em, DJ, and Shadow Realm. Since then, she and the gang have been moonlighting as vigilantes to combat that crime organization and take back what they had stolen in an attempt to repair the damage they left over the years.
When she’s not on a heist, Sandi helps her mother at the orphanage they run together. For reasons we’ll probably never know, Sandi was taken from her mother by her partner, who was an undercover agent of the crime organization, when she was little. Lea had speculated that maybe he suspected that Shadow Realm knew about who Sandi’s father was and wanted to use that against him. While Sandi was being raised by the organization, her mother spent those years trying to find her daughter with no avail until Sandi finally contacted her after escaping.
The whole Shadow Realm and Sandi being related thing is something that’s better left unsaid, much like her father’s history. As far as Sandi knows, she has at least three half siblings - one she knew from the organization - and decided to leave alone - the other two she doesn’t really have an interest in seeking out. She was only aware of the other two because Shadow Realm confirmed it himself. While a part of her is somewhat curious she feels like looking into it would cause more harm than good.
Yeah, I don’t think it’s a good idea - some things are taken to the grave for a reason and we should respect that. Of course there’s special circumstances but I think this is something we can leave alone.
Overall, Sandi’s already made peace with the past a long time ago. Still, something like this takes a bit of adjustment once it sinks in. She just needs to get some things off her chest so Lea’s there for her. I think she’s successfully reached the point where her past can no longer catch up with her and that’s why Shadow Realm’s death has made her feel relieved.
She’s not being insensitive or anything, nor do I think it’s a weird reaction. Given her history with him, I’d say her feelings make perfect sense. People are fucking complicated and sometimes it’s best to leave it at that. She was happy to hear that from me.
Lea says the rest of the gang says hi. Heists have been few and far in between these past several months, which means they all haven’t hung out that much lately. We were hoping to bring the whole gang together for the tourney but they unfortunately couldn’t make it.
Em’s traveling with her mom on a road trip and they’re having a great time. DJ rarely goes out in general except for missions so it was a surprise to find out that she’s staying with her grandparents while her grandpa recovers from surgery. Dell was gonna come but was unable to when stuff at the farm came up last minute that he needed to deal with. At least all of them were able to pop in for a short video call, which was nice.
They’re hoping for another mission to bring them together soon. And if not, maybe another camp event where everyone can make it. Jamie notes that part of the reason why things have been so slow is because the criminal organization has been unusually quiet. Lea thinks maybe it’s a sign - with the timing of Shadow Realm’s death, I think she may be on to something.
Considering that the organization has weakened due to Sandi and the gang, it’s kinda inevitable that those kinds of missions will end. However, while the organization was a priority, they do take other jobs occasionally. But it’s been a long time since their last heist - not related to the organization - and Lea’s worried that everyone’s gonna get a little rusty. Jamie assured her that these slow periods do happen and you will fall out of practice and that’s just natural.
I think another thing to consider is that things will change and that kinda goes hand in hand with falling out of practice. The gang figured that eventually the missions related to the organization will slow down or maybe even stop completely but it seems hard to believe that they’ve reached that point. I wouldn’t be worried about the gang’s future as a team, though I can see why that might bring some anxiety. They’ll still go on missions together - it’ll just be different. After all, you can’t expect to stick with one thing forever.
Lea said while that’s not unexpected, she can’t help but feel like things are being too dragged out. Sandi doesn’t seem too worried about the lack of missions - she might have a couple years ago but not so much these days. Her main concern is not being able to hang out with her friends as much, especially since they all live in different parts of the world.
As far as I know, Lea’s the kind of person who always tries to keep going, to keep moving and refining her skills so she won’t get out of shape. It’s not that she doesn’t know when to stop, she just likes to keep busy. With things being kinda slow at her main job as well, Lea has been feeling kinda restless and that has been kinda weird for her as she’s not used to it. Jamie’s helping her out by keeping her busy while getting it in her head that it’s good to slow down once in a while.
And what better way to slow down than a fishing tourney? I’ve grown to enjoy fishing over the years but it’s still far from my first choice when it comes to camp activities. With all the traveling I had been doing, it feels nice to kick things off at the camp with a chill event.
There’s not too much to say about the tourney itself other than we caught a lot of interesting fish. The weather’s warm enough that we can spend more time outside, especially since it means more daylight. Now that there’s more sun I feel a bit more energized. That always seems to be the case after dealing with the winter blahs when the season drags on for too long.
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hi hi hi! unsure if you'd prefer I'd listen and offer support, or give my half-useful advice that may or may not be helpful... so I'll do both!
first: it's completely okay to feel like that. rejection sensitivity is NOT fun and pretty much messes with emotions for wayyyy tooo longgg over small, small things. But it's okay to feel that way. The best I can say for it is that sometimes you have to just let the emotion be until it goes away... even though that can take a while. (and is just absolute pain and misery) Attempting to get rid of it makes it worse in my experience. (for me it got unhealthy very fast).
Nowadays I find it helpful to 'observe my internal feeling sensation as if it were the outside world?' ... like the physical sensations of the feeling without any labels as to whether it is good or bad. ALSO distractions. They won't fix everything and it's important not to let distractions get unhealthy (i'm a hypocrite when I say this but in theory...) but IT"S OKAY to distract yourself from the immediate emotion. Emotional regulation is HARD but the best thing about this confusing internal world is that no one else can see it. No one sees it so nothing you do in your head is being judged or can be 'right' or 'wrong'.
(Even though I've mentally screamed to all the mind readers, no one has reacted to that yet, so it seems our brains are all private yee! /j)
The mental coping mechanisms you use are yours and you can do whattevvverrr youuu wantt, have fun with it even! (It will still be hard some days but thinking about it like play is easier.)
And I'll just note here that.... IDK if the things I do are 'healthy' or not, or if they make any sense, or if 'putting all sense of myself into my oc's so I dont' have to feel anything and have distance from them' is problematic... but it is helpful as of now. (the last one can be dangerous if you ever get writers block/can't write sadly. It's like all my mental stability crumbled as of now. Still learning I guess.)
Please do what works for you and take care of yourself <3
Er, not sure if that made any sense, I wish you all the warm fuzzy floaty happy stimmy feelings. (and hyperfixated joy)
ANd as far as the whole 'what if I'm not [x] and if I don't belong here and I only stimmed after I found out" <--- because YES I UNDERSTAND THIS I WAS SO AFRAID OF THIS FOR A GOOD COUPLE OF MONTHS.
If you find yourself functioning differently, having different needs, some things being easier and some things being so much harder -and even if none of that is true - you still deserve to find lifestyles and mechanisms that make life easier. It hurts no one to take care of yourself I promise.
And the DSM-5 is for free online if you want to take a look at that. (It helps satisfy the brain to make it stop being like 'well what if you're just doing it for attention')
also the stimmy thing, YES I WAS SO WORRIED THAT I WAS JUST DOING IT BECAUSE I WAS COPYING.
until I was like... but isn't it easier now to be in public environments? aren't I happier? don't I get less tired if I allow myself to stim?
ALso there are plenty of ways to do it! I used to try to hum songs in my head, same part of the same song, over and over and over again with a... strained vibe to it, just to keep myself okay during school because I hated it. (there's a whole list of different types somewhere, but what happens sometimes is that society says that the children must be polite and behaved so you'd stop stimming, or just stim in your head/inconspicuous ways) It's stimulating or grounding yourself, and is completely and totally healthy and okay and I'm sending burning pitchforks to whoever scolded you /j
oh random accectdote I'm including in the 'yes I can relate to this and we're in this together and I understand and am sending heart emojis sort of way': If I remember correctly, the first irl writing meeting was a month? after my 16th birthday, and this was still in the days where I needed to cling to happiness for as long as possible because I didn't know how long the happy period would last. I didn't want to go back to normalcy and trying to grasp at abstract feelings became my entire life and it was sooo awfulll don't recommend. SO much dissatisfaction that wallows into self-hatred. (In fact ANuli exists just to hold the self-hatred for me.....)
ANyways! After writing meeting, which I did not plan well, because I'm awful at it, and I haven't met up with friends before that for yearrrrrsssss. So 'it went on for three hours and we were too loud' according to my mom. ALl my shreds of happiness I had been clinging to slipped away and I spiraled from there. Crazy how such a small comment can do that, but it does and its fine.
gifs!!
Hope everything is doing wellll!!!
Okay, tumblr is my ‘safe space’ other than my room, so I’m going to talk and anyone who wants to can listen. Aka all the stuff I’m gonna say will take up a lot of room so take a look under the ‘keep reading’ if you care enough to lol
There are a couple of JIC trigger warnings: mentions of church/religious settings (not talked about in a negative way), doctors, uhh there’s a time where I talk about someone yelling at me?
without further ado, here's my vent for the day.
I stress out so much over liking anything posted by autistic people. I’m so sorry, I have literally nothing against you, I just freak out for no reason cause once I heard someone on YouTube say ‘if you aren’t autistic your opinion is completely invalid here’ and I’ve taken it to heart 🥲
I will go to like a post but then go ‘wait… that explicitly says it’s about autistic people/autism… I can’t! I don’t count!’ (And I am so salty about stuff like that cause I’ve thought to myself ‘well what if I’m agreeing about something that they approve of?’ But it still isn’t enough to justify it to myself.) (again, I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST Y'ALL)
I was considering asking my doctor if I should get evaluated for stuff but I also really don’t want to because what if they just say ‘nope, you’re normal. Why’d you even bother?’ And I KNOW I’m not neurotypical because I have GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) and there is no WAY it’s normal to feel like your entire day has been completely and utterly ruined by someone not telling you clearly that if you didn’t go eat the leftovers of your family that you wanted, it’d be passed on to the others.
Oops, that’s not where that was meant to go, but I’m keeping it.
My original point BEING, I have a feeling I don’t JUST have GAD, I wanna get evaluated for Autism and ADHD, but the imposter syndrome (can I even use that here? I’m not autistic so does that mean it’s… rejection or something?) is too much and I’m gonna wimp out of bringing it up to the doctors. I’m fairly certain I have ADHD tho, cause everything I’ve watched I’ve basically agreed with. (And yeah, the internet isn’t good source material, but there are some good people on there.)
Also I'm so worried that I'm just copying people. Like, I didn't used to stim until AFTER I learned about autism and ADHD, so what's to say that I'm not just copy pasting? And that's not genuine and it's probably also rude.
Oh and on the topic of being too sensitive for my own good, let’s talk about how I deal with people scolding me. (Other than my parents.)
I genuine want to cry any time it happens. I had some pretty bad experiences of that kind of thing (maybe like 3-4 years ago?) and they happen to be some of the only clear memories I have of pandemic times cause everything kinda blurs together from that time. The clearest one and the one that affected (is that the right one?) me the most was when some of the neighborhood kids got in trouble for hurting each other from a tree in my sibling’s best friend’s yard. I was a witness, but I wasn’t paying a ton of attention to the situation. The sibling’s best friend’s mom asked me to tell my version of the story, so I did. I tried my best not to twist anything and to make it clear that I wasn’t sure about anything. Without me noticing (cause my back was turned) one of the kids mom’s (the one who had done the potential hurting) came up behind us and started yelling at me for ‘lying for no reason’ and ‘being rude’ and how ‘her kid would never do anything wrong, so if I wanted to go tell lies for fun she would go and tell my parents.’ Y’know, the kind of thing you tell semi-kids.
So from then on, I tend to have to choke back tears when not my parents scold me.
Another time (this week actually) was when I was scolded for acting my age at church. Now, I’m not a CHILD, so I see where the person was coming from. But I was also having fun with my friends. We were joking around, and one of the old people came up and scolded us. I thought I was fine till I got home and then realized that stimming in any way, even in my room, now felt childish and horrible and like I shouldn’t be doing it. (I’ve gotten over this, I’m back to normal. Ish.)
So yeah. I guess I take things too seriously? And it REALLY frustrates me. Like I can’t just let things go, can I? No, cause that’d be EASY.
Also, don’t you just hate it when you feel the urge to stim (hand flapping specifically in this case) but your muscles/wrist is in pain for no explicable reason?
#It does sound like rejection sensitivity to me at least#WHICH IS ONE OF THE WORST FEELINGS EVER#IT"S LIKE WALKING ON EGGSHELLS SOMEITMES BECAUSE A RANDOM SMALL COMMENT CAN MAKE THE WHOLE DAY SPIRAL AND SOMETIMES LEAD TO A WHOLE SPRIAL#FEST DEPENEDING ON WHAT THE BRAIN DOES WITH IT#COUPLED WITH THE WORRY THAT IT'S NOT REAL AND JUST ATTENTION SEEKING OR COPPYING#NOT FUN ATT ALLLL#BUT I PROMIISSEE IT'S ALL OKAYYY AND YOU ARE VERY VALID FOR FEELING THISS WAY
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to yuu.
Note: I wanted to write short HCs for each character as they wrote the letter when I finished reading everyone's thank you messages (◕ᴗ◕✿) ! All of them are very cute and I couldn't help but get some midnight rot so I had to write it down. Here's the link to the post where every message is listed down. Before you start reading, just a heads up, most of these are written in a romantic light. I also recommend reading the letters themselves first before heading here.
Characters: All students + Grim (Excluding Ortho)
Riddle Rosehearts
"Dear friend," Riddle thought that it was the most appropriate way to address you—or at least, that's what his brain is trying to make him think. Ever since overblotting and you helping him snap out of his frenzy, he had difficulty in labeling what exactly you were to him.
Before everything, you were supposed to be just a mere acquaintance to him and yet here you were sending him gifts out of the blue. The general "rule" towards receiving gifts was to give the giver your thanks. Albeit the better option was to thank you personally, he thought that maybe a letter would be better so that he can sort out his thoughts.
Friend. He nodded, proceeding to write down the rest of his message until he realized that this was an opportunity to invite you to tea with him under the pretense of paying you back for the gift. He furrowed his eyebrows slightly as he continued writing.
Surely, you would accept his invitation, right?
Trey Clover
"Hey you," was that too casual? Too rude sounding? Trey shook his head as he stared at the two words. He hadn't been expecting a gift from you and frankly, he was more than a bit surprised. Though perhaps he hadn't read the "gift" part when he suddenly started writing down questions about what you liked.
He immediately started thinking of how he should pay you back—gifts? He doesn't know your taste that well. Favours? Hmm, he's not too sure about that one. That's why he decided to ask, if there was something you wanted—he'll do his best to find it for you. A tempting offer, right?
It seems like you have to tell him that this wasn't a trade.
Cater Diamond
"Helloooooo," he started off. The extra amount of Os he used was proof that he's trying to take this occurrence casually. Though in the inside he was absolutely beaming. Gifts never fail to put a smile on his face, especially if it came from someone you didn't expect to give you a gift or someone special to him.
In this case, it was probably the latter. He took a small break as he stared at your gift, wondering what he should write. A small smile took over his face as he picked up his phone and snapped a few selfies of him with your gift with a caption before hitting the post button.
"Received a gift from a dear friend, isn't it amazing? ♪"
Deuce Spade
"Friend," Deuce rarely got to experience receiving gifts from friends to one another judging how his past years were spent as a delinquent. To say that he was happy to receive one from you was an understatement, he was over the moon.
He felt the need to mention it to you with a huge grin on his face. He thought of various ways to give you something back as he let out a small hum, he felt like he was having a field day. He signed the message and told himself that today was going to be a great day.
Ace Trappola
"Hey you," Ace was terribly suspicious of the fact that you sent him a gift out of the blue. Were you trying to buy him silence over something you did? Were you trying to convince him to do your homework for you? A lot of questions springed up inside his mind but not once did he think that it was just a genuine, sweet gift with no ulterior motives hidden beneath.
He knew that you would get mad at him if he continued to suspect you so he said that he was kidding in all caps with three dots after that—which didn't help his situation at all.
He felt awkward trying to convey his feelings like this and he ruffled his own hair as he told you that he just needed to tell you something later, when you're face-to-face. That would make it easier for him to speak.
Leona Kingscholar
"Good day," Leona uncharacteristically typed. He felt like he was being held at gunpoint by his past etiquette teachers as he tried to think of an appropriate response. If it were up to him, he would've just slapped a "thank you" on a piece of paper and asked Ruggie to give it to you.
Though he thought that perhaps it was better for him to actually put in effort for once. Even if it seemed like his so called effort seemed like something he just stole from the internet—that was more than enough, right? He'll just put his signature at the bottom and ask Ruggie to give it to you.
Ruggie Bucchi
"Hey you," a big grin took over his face as he wrote down his first few words. He wasn't as experienced as other people when it came to writing down messages of gratitude, he once tried consulting Leona about it—asking how to make it sound decent only to be met with an answer that went like: "Just put whatever."
And that's what he did! Truly, he's thankful for receiving a gift. For a split second, he wondered if he should share it with the people back in his homeland. Though he pushed that thought to the back of his head as he signed the bottom of the paper with his signature. He'll figure that out once he gives the letter to you.
Jack Howl
"Friend," he doesn't know what to say it's embarassing. Even in letters, he still manages to retain that straightforward yet somewhat roundabout personality of his. A tinge of embarrassment seeping through the letter.
He wished he could've just talked to you in person instead but alas, he was stuck here trying to rack his brain for words. In the end, he felt like it was best to keep it simple—the slightly demanding tone at the end was the result of him getting flustered at the thought that it's possible that it could be a date between the two of you.
Azul Ashengrotto
"My dear friend," Azul couldn't count the number of times he had crumpled a piece of paper and threw it into the trashcan only to get a new one—rinse and repeat. Jade and Floyd had to stifle their laughter when they saw how distressed he was over a single message. Though, perhaps that was the fruit of his unconventional feelings towards the giver.
He didn't want to sound too stiff and professional to the point that he sounded like a robot but also, he didn't want to sound too casual to the point that you might find it weird. He had to let out a small sigh as he ruffled his hair, another piece of paper thrown into the trash can before deciding that he should just play it safe and give you a free drink.
Jade Leech
"To my dearest," oh no. His hand slipped and accidentally made his greeting more intimate than it should be, he could go back and change it but—fufu, where's the fun in all of that? His lips tugged up into a smirk as he continued writing, knowing full well that what he was implying would evoke an interesting reaction out of you. But, if that wasn't enough to stir you up a bit then why not put a little more something? He was a prick this way.
He spotted an empty space on one of his shelves in the corner of his eye, glancing at it for a few seconds before an idea popped into his head. A smile that barely showed off his sharp canines, hidden beneath his gloved hand.
"Truly. Would I lie to you?"
Floyd Leech
"Little shrimpy," he grinned. Floyd was in an especially good mood today after receiving such a thoughtful gift from you. He played with his pen in hand, spinning it around as a distant look took over his face when he tried thinking about the reason why you gave him a gift out of nowhere.
Knowing that Floyd pays a little more attention to you than others, he was bound to be curious and he was more than eager to find out—there's always a reason behind someone's actions, after all. He tried expressing his intent to get the answer out of you which came out a little threatening but if you saw the look on his face there's no mistaking that it was an even bigger threat than you initially thought.
Kalim Al-Asim
"Hey love," Kalim was as straightforward as ever. Not a single filter as he wrote down his raw feelings. There was no reason for him to hesitate especially now that he was practically about to shake from pure joy—he was incredibly close to signing the letter and hopping into his magic carpet to give it to you personally but Jamil was there beside him to stop him if he ever does that.
Though that didn't mean that it was gonna stop him from wanting to ask you out on a magic carpet date with him, he'll just have to explain to Jamil when you accept his invitation. That is assuming you'll accept, right?
Jamil Viper
"Dear friend," Kalim practically forced him to write a letter back to you. Jamil wasn't an ingrate, he knew when to show gratitude when it was appropriate but he preferred thanking you in person. He had to settle for this in the meantime, he thought that maybe he'll just invite you to Scarabia to talk about what he could give in return.
He hadn't really expected a gift from you, especially with all the trouble he might've caused you due to his overblot. Though he didn't think it was all that bad. In fact, he felt a little relieved that you didn't hold any grudge against him.
Vil Schoenheit
"My dear," Vil had an unmistakable smirk placed upon his lips. The choice of words he wrote managed to give out a slightly smug vibe as he stared at your gift on his desk. Impressed by your ability for finding him a suitable gift, he decided to give you a little bit in return.
His smirk slowly turned into a gentle smile as he imagined your face probably tearing up at the thought of him giving you a signed card, he couldn't help but put an offhanded comment near the end. But it was quickly followed up with a single bit of rare praise from him.
Rook Hunt
"Hey love," Rook was always one to act dramatically whenever he had the chance and even in letters, he managed to sound dramatic. As soon as he realized that you had sent him a gift he started gushing about how wonderful it was and how inspiration was raining down on him like tiny droplets.
What's a better way to let his raw emotions out than poetry? That's right, this man wrote you a poem expressing how he feels because of your gift. He almost forgot to say his gratitude because he got carried away but thankfully, Epel pointed it out to him before he could give it to you.
Epel Felmier
"Dear friend," he rarely got any gifts from anyone outside his relatives so when he saw you give him a gift, he was excited to say the least. There's always a certain joy you can evoke in a person when you give them a gift it was almost euphoric for some. He thought that it was sweet of you to give him a gift and decided to give one back with a small message.
Friend. For some reason, it felt a bit off addressing you as that but he quickly shook his head and shot down that thought. As for his gift, he prepared a little something he made himself. Hehe, he's quite proud of it too!
Idia Shroud
"@YOU" it was interesting how Idia didn't bother changing to formal speech when he decided to give you a thank you message for your gift. He's typing the same way he would to his friend, namely "Crimson Muscle", but perhaps that was because he didn't know of any other way to talk to you without sounding unnatural or weird.
People would normally not even think about giving him something and yet you gave him one. He couldn't help but smile a bit when he said how you were a bit of an oddball—he came up with various nicknames for you inside his head. Most of them being different words for the term "weirdo". Yet they always had a hint of affection whenever he would think of it.
Malleus Draconia
"Dearest," Malleus started off. It was rare that he received gifts from people outside his family or nobles back in the Valley since a lot of people found him intimidating—terrifying for some, even. He was glad that you felt comfortable enough around him to show simple gestures such as these. Upon receiving your gift, Lilia noticed how it came from you and urged Malleus to write his thank you message differently from how he usually writes it.
Did you perhaps know of the legends surrounding the Thorn Witch...? If so, then maybe he could sneak in a little joke. The gift of beauty and the gift of song—ah, nevermind. He pursed his lips slightly, he'll just handpick a gift for you himself. A small gargoyle statue, maybe. Or he could ask the other members of Diasomnia to help him.
Lilia Vanrouge
"My dear," his lips formed a small smirk. Lilia appreciated all surprises, big or small. Though, in particular, something about your surprise gift made him more excited about it than usual. Was that just his old age getting to him or was it something else? He couldn't be bothered to think about it that much.
As a form of gratitude, he weighed his options. It was either giving you a gift back or letting you ask a favour of him. He thought the latter would be more acceptable until an idea popped into his head as his eyes sparkled with a hint of mischief. He knew you didn't know what it exactly meant but he gave you his signature nonetheless—he'll leave you to figure out.
Silver
"Hey you," Lilia taught Silver that it was common courtesy to show gratitude when someone gives him a gift. He tried thinking of countless ways to say thank you with his old man bugging him to ask you out on a date instead in the background. In the end, he paid Lilia no attention and instead went with the standard short message and giving a gift back.
He urged himself not to fall asleep as he typed out his message even though he already let out a yawn without him noticing. He glanced at the screen blankly, wondering if he forgot to add anything until he slowly felt himself snoozing off. Head resting on the keyboard and typing out whatnot. When Lilia arrived at the scene, he didn't bother waking him up and just sent the message as it is.
Silver was so embarassed the next day and refused to talk to Lilia temporarily.
Sebek Zigvolt
"Human," he didn't even try addressing you as anything else other than that even in letters. When he found a gift lying by his room, he was a tad suspicious but loosened up when he read the tag attached to it. As stated, it came from you and the gift was meant for Malleus—wait, what. Sebek scrunched up his face as his eyes scanned the words printed on it.
"To Sebek Zigvolt" This was a mistake, right? Sebek was a bit flushed but quickly shook it off by saying how it was probably a subterfuge or whatever that was. There was no way it was for actually for him, right? Surely, you must've sent this in hopes of hearing more about the great Malleus Draconia. Right?
That is... Wonderful!
Grim
"Dear underling," it was cute how he made an effort to write you a letter despite being in the same dorm wherein he could just talk to you directly. But perhaps he was so touched to the extent that he wanted to do this—did you give him tuna? He struggled thanking you properly and ended up boasting about how he was going to be the greatest sorcerer.
Even though he called you underling at first, he couldn't help but soften up a bit. That didn't sit right with him somehow, he didn't know why. He let out a groan as he racked his head for a more appropriate word until-!
Partner... Sounds about right.
#twst#twisted wonderland#heartslabyul#savanaclaw#octavinelle#Scarabia#pomefiore#ignihyde#diasomnia#riddle rosehearts#trey clover#cater diamond#deuce spade#ace trappola#leona kingscholar#ruggie bucchi#jack howl#azul ashengrotto#jade leech#floyd leech#kalim al asim#jamil viper#vil schoenheit#rook hunt#epel felmier#idia shroud#malleus draconia#lilia vanrouge#twst silver#sebek zigvolt
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In Love with an Artist💛✨
Obey me! Boys x gn! Mc who is a professional artist. I try to be vague about what sort of art you make so that anyone can fit in. As well as what your goals are as a professional artist. This could be someone who just posts art online, does commissions, whatever. I put in some gallery shows cuz those are fun to think about.
this is SFW Fluff💛 rest of the brothers under the cut
Lucifer
- he saw on your file that you did art, but wasn’t really thinking too much about it. Though when you arrived to your dorm you were greeted with a set of art supplies. A nice sketchbook, a couple pencils and pens. As well as rather high end paint set and brushes. He will never bring it up.
- if you do art out where others can see he’ll try to get a look as what you do, but if you’re private about it he would be respectful. Lucifer doesn’t enjoy when people step over his boundaries, and wouldn’t want to do that he you. He knows enough about artists to understand that ones work is personal.
- when he does get to see what you make he will be internally blown away, but outwardly just ask questions about your process. Trying to figure out if there is symbolism you are drawn to, or what you were trying to capture. There is always a little more to art than just the subject.
- if you want to continue being a professional artist in the Devildom he would be a great support. Would give you advice on who to contact and what venues would be best for your work. He seems to have had the information all prepared. He wouldn’t flex his power too much because he wants this to be your own effort, but is happy to help if you want it.
- At shows he’s a an easy presence besides you. Though he likes to be admired. he knows when to step back at let you shine. If nerves catch your tongue or the social work becomes to much. Lucifer will step in with smooth answers. He knows your work backwards and forwards. So can easily answer any question a patron might have.
Mammon
- “oh you should draw me!” It’s up to you if you actually do, but that’s one of the first things out of his mouth when he learns you do art. He does have a pretty face, and would make a good life model....
- Doesn’t verbalize that he thinks your art is cool, but he does want to see every little thing you make. Finds even your doodles to be mesmerizing. So if you’re do art while he’s around be prepared for him leaning over your shoulder to get a good look.
- If you’re trying to make money off of your art Mammon is extremely helpful. his sway over people’s spending could magically get people to be interested in you, but he’s also just good at setting prices. He will not stand for you setting your prices too low, and will come after people who try to skip out on paying.
- Will try to get your art hung up in every establishment he has a connection too. Not every place will be your vibe though so you get to choose where your art actually ends up.
- Though his room style is more modern minimalism. He has several of your pieces framed around his room. A couple you were sure had been sold...
Leviathan
- as a proud otaku he knows how to treat artists right 👏🏻👏🏻 if he wants you to draw something for him he’s gunna tip out of his ass. Leviathan has definitely worked with artists before. Commissioning cosplay, or fanart, and each time he tips outrageously. So be prepared for what he might do to try and impress you.
- Initially gets a little over eager with the commissions, but is able to figure out that.. you might want to do some art just for fun. Or enjoy other things too. Talk to him and he’ll relax. He just wants to support your beautiful art!
- really loves it when you show him what your working on. Especially when you show sketches or work in progresses. It makes him feel really special to see the unfinished product. Being trusted with your genuine ideas and imperfect thoughts means a lot to him.
- if your art is story based at all. He will want to hear All about it. Might say it reminds him of anime’s he’s watched but he means that as the highest compliment. Your idea are just as good as his beloved shows. Your ideas might even be better because he gets to love the person who made them.
- If you have an art show... He will leave his room for you. He will look so dashing, but so uncomfortable. There with you as long as you need him, but if you are fine on your own he might hang out in a corner. Or go home early.
-When you get home he will make it up to you✨
Satan
- He isn’t going to push you to show off your art if you don’t want too. Even if you are drawing in the same room as him. He just can’t see himself being able to interrupt you. Your focused expression is delightful. Though curiosity will eventually get the better of him if you don’t show him yourself.
- Once you do he is captivated. His face is still calm and collected. Expect for his eyes which are wide and sparkling. If you let him he’ll spend a full hour looking at just one of your pieces. Satan will try to spot every little detail, and see how it all comes together. Both as a reflection of what your are trying to capture but also you. What he see’s only makes him more captivated.
- Asks good questions about what you’re working on, as well as complimenting by comparing to other artists in the realms. You had no idea what he meant when he said your worked reminded him of the great Venia the Dark Slayer. So he showed you his books on Devildom artists. You were surprised that Venia the Dark Slayer really did have something in common with your work. Weirdly enough. He also has sections for earth and the celestial realm artists. You are more then welcome to look through them whenever you like.
- When you’re not around he talks about your art a lot. Always so proud of the latest piece he saw you working on. Satan conveniently forgets that some of his friends are gallery owners. He won’t sign you up for any shows without your informed consent, but he definitely help you get shows much easier.
- Whether he helps you get the show or not. He wants to help set up. His eye for detail makes hanging all the frames easier, as well as making good labels for the work. Whenever you can’t come up with a name for a piece. he’s pretty good at coming up with something clever.
Asmodeus
- Also going to lean over your shoulder to see what you’re making. Then is absolutely captivated by what you’re able to make.
- ART DAY! Asmo wants to be creative with you as much as you’re willing for. So you’ll both take up a table and have your art supplies shared in the middle. Asmo is planning his never dress design, or possibly a make up look he’d want to try. Stops to talks to you a lot. Wanders the room and ends up against you to peak at what you’re working on again.
- He’ll ask for your opinion on his outfits and make up, as well as any other creative project they’ve gotten involved with. See’s you as a creative equal.
- Thinks everything you made is brilliant, but also gives good constructive criticism when you want it.
- When you get your first Devildom Galley. It’s going to be the biggest event that whole week. Asmo will not stand for anyone not going to this wonderful event. Takes over most of the party planning. Which makes you worried it’s going to be a big flirty party with Asmo at the center of attention. When you get there it is beautiful. Asmo has decorated the place to fit the theme or your art. There is catering and drinks. All of which again are themed to your art or just your favorite foods.
- He’s so proud of you of course he had to make this event special.
Beelzebub
- :OOOO
- Really blown away by what you’re capable off. Asks you to send him photos as you work on pieces. Very quietly supportive. When you do art with him around he feels so happy. There will be a small smile on his face the whole time. Which breaks out into a beam whenever you show him what you’re working on.
- If you need a life model👀👀👀 Beel wouldn’t mind posing for you.
- Very used to you coming up and asking him to hold something, or do something with his hands. So that you can reference it. Either holds the pose or asks you to take a picture if busy.
- Commissions you to do art for his brother’s birthdays. Not only does he get to support your work, but he knows his brothers will be thrilled to have one of your pieces.
- If you give him any art it will be treasured till the end of time. Neatly framed and kept somewhere he can see everyday.
- Makes sure you stretch before and after doing arts. Making art requires a lot of fine motor skills that can put serious strain on your body. It’s important to take breaks and stretch.
Belphegor
- His face makes a good desk when he falls asleep on your lap
- Might want to do art with you from time to time. He’s got a lot of thoughts in that brain and getting them out on paper feels really nice. If he can’t come up with something to make. he still gets to watch you make art which is always nice.
- Wants to know the meaning behind your artwork. Even if he doesn’t particularly like an art piece. He wants to know what it meant to you, and its importance. Or lack there of. Some art is just shits and giggles. Belphegor just wants to know the intent of what you’re doing.
- Has never gone to a gallery before, but for you?? He will be there on time. Hair brushed, face washed, and freshly shaved. Maybe even wearing a suit.
- “How many commissions have you been doing? no get your ass to bed.”
- Very good at reminding you to take breaks. Or getting in your way so much you can’t work and Have to rest.
#this is my first time doing something like this aaa#Obey me!#Obey me! Headcanons#Obey me! gn mc#Obey me! Lucifer#Obey me! Leviathan#Obey me! Mammon#Obey me! Satan#Obey me! Asmodeous#Obey me! Beelzebub#Obey me! belphegor#artist mc#headcanons#demon brothers
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Danger First
Chapter 3
@pocketramblr (also please let me know if you would like me to stop tagging you on these, I don't want to be annoying. :))
"WAIT!" shouted Nana abruptly, as Izuku was talking to his (weirdo) teacher. "I know who that is! Quick, get ready to turn everything off!"
"Turn what off?" asked En. "We live in a formless mental void. We don't even have electricity."
"The quirk! That's Eraserhead!"
"Oh, yeah," said Yoichi, while everyone else (sans Second and Third) scrambled to grab onto the quirk. "I remember Eight meeting him, now! So, he's a teacher, huh?"
"How do all of you forget the one person who might be capable of one-shotting All for One?" demanded Nana.
"Doesn't his quirk not work on mutations?"
"Stop daydreaming and get over here, Yoichi!"
The quirkspace began to glow faintly, ominously red, and the ghosts pulled hard on the quirk, holding it temporarily out of Izuku's reach.
Then, the red glow abated and they dropped it back into place.
"Well, that was exhausting," said Banjo. "So, we'll have to be constantly ready for that, huh?"
"As long as he's around, yeah," said Nana.
"Why did we just do that, anyway?" asked En.
"So we can continue to masquerade as a normal, non-haunted quirk?"
"We could have just let him think he didn't have a quirk, or that the anxiety-"
"Super anxiety."
"-isn't part of it."
Yoichi gasped, as if scandalized. "You'd want us to lie to Izuku?"
"Okay, seriously, what is up with you and Nine?" asked En.
Despite not having a body, Yoichi began to visibly sweat. "Nothing, nothing at all. I just... think he's neat?"
"If you're going to lie to us, can you not do it with archaeomemes?" asked Nana.
"No, no, actually, I can get behind this," said En. "Would you say Izuku has... vibes?"
Yoichi nodded solemnly.
.
"Young Midoriya!"
Izuku shrieked and jumped back from the sudden sound as All Might suddenly emerged from an otherwise innocuous bush.
Both of them froze, staring at each other.
"Are you..." said All Might, hesitantly, sounding much more like he did in his small form than usual, "alright?"
"I... think so?"
"That's good, then." All Might coughed slightly into his fist. "I was wondering if you had a few minutes."
"Of- of course!" said Izuku, immediately.
"Then allow me to lead the way!"
All Might led him through a door labeled 'staff only' and immediately deflated. "All the staff know about my condition," explained Mr. Yagi.
Izuku nodded. Then a thought occurred to him. "Mr. Yagi?"
"Yes, my boy?"
"Why, um, why don't you teach, um, as Mr. Yagi? Instead of as All Might? Wouldn't it save your time?"
Mr. Yagi stopped and scratched his head. "I hadn't really thought about it before," he admitted. "But part of the reason I took this job, other than wanting to help train the next generation of heroes, of course, is that I want to get people used to the idea that I am going to retire." He tugged on one of his bangs. "Also, ah, I'm not sure if my qualifications to teach are quite up to par without my reputation."
"I'm sure it would be fine! You're the best, after all!"
Mr. Yagi chuckled. "I'm glad you think so," he said. Then he reached behind him and opened a door. "In any case: my office."
"Wow," said Izuku, quietly, stepping in. "All Might's office..." Who knew when he'd get another opportunity like this again? He kept his eyes wide to drink in the details.
The rather sparse details. The office was rather bare. Which made sense, seeing as All Might was a brand-new teacher. It was sort of... disappointing, as thrilling as it was.
Mr. Yagi sat down behind the desk and gestured for Izuku to take one of the other chairs. It had a lot of cushioning. A lot a lot. Izuku sank down into the fluff as Mr. Yagi fiddled with a drawer on his desk. He got the drawer open, and pulled out a notebook. A notebook of the same brand Izuku liked to use, actually.
"Since your experiences with One for All are so different from mine, I thought it might be a good idea to do some research into past holders and take a leaf out of your notebook, as it were." He passed the notebook over to Izuku, who took it with shaking hands and a slightly open mouth.
"I'll treasure it," he declared, voice wobbling.
"Not so much that you don't use it, I hope," said Mr. Yagi. "As it is, it's only an overview. The earlier holders, especially, don't have many records associated with them. Consider it a starting point. I haven't had much time to work on it."
"I can't believe you found the time to write this at all," said Izuku, flipping through the pages. The information was sparse, but each holder had a basic profile, all the way back to the fourth. "I mean, between being a hero, training me, and preparing to be a teacher, I'm stunned nothing fell by the wayside!"
Mr. Yagi proceeded to turn a very interesting color.
"Uh, nothing fell by the wayside, right?"
"Why don't you take a few minutes to skim through. If anything jumps out at you right away, we can talk about it. And then I'll let you go get changed and go home, and we can discuss more later, after you've had more time with it."
"Okay!" said Izuku. He'd start with just the basic profiles. Name, date of birth, date of death, quirk... wait, those ages... "They all died young," he said, softly.
"Hero work is dangerous," said Mr. Yagi, hand going to his side.
"There's something else, isn't there?"
"Not something you need to worry about. I took care of it, years ago." The hand holding his side spasmed slightly.
"... Six years ago?" asked Izuku, aware he was pushing his luck. But this sounded both important and relevant.
There was a long pause. "Yes," said All Might, finally. "A villain with a longevity quirk. He... had a history with the first user."
Izuku got the feeling that was an understatement. It also seemed unlikely that the only application of the villain's quirk was longevity, given what he'd done to All Might. But the subject was clearly making All Might uncomfortable, so he dropped it in favor of burying his nose in the notebook again.
(Social fumbles aside, this was the most secure Izuku had felt for... a while.)
"The sixth user had a smoke quirk?"
"Yes, it seems so. Although it doesn't seem to have been actual smoke, but a biological compound."
"I wonder if that has anything to do with all the steam you release when you deflate. Actually..." he flipped back through the quirk. "I wonder if you're using Float, too, subconsciously, when you jump."
"What?"
"I- I mean," said Izuku, "I noticed, when, um, when I grabbed your ankle and also in videos of you- Your hang time is kind of messed up? You're in the air for longer than you should be, but it isn't, like, consistent? Plus, you can change direction mid-air, which I thought was because you were shooting out blasts of air pressure with your quirk, but with me on your ankle, you definitely didn't do that. There was- there was a forum I was on where some people thought your quirk tapped into magnetic fields, somehow, but that doesn't make any sense, because you'd expect a lot more electronic interference and that similar locations would produce similar results, given the Earth's magnetic field, but they don't. But subconscious, low-level use of a telekinesis-based flying quirk would explain everything. If we take into account what you said about my anxiety after the entrance exam, then that's minor expressions of three out of four of the quirks listed here, not counting the base stockpile and enhancement quirk. Do you think the unknown quirks of the second and third users might have partially manifested for you as well? Have you experienced anything else that's atypical for a strength enhancement quirk?"
Mr. Yagi stared at Izuku.
Oh, no, he'd gone too far.
"Nothing immediately comes to mind, my boy," he said, faintly. "But... magnets? Really?"
"I told you it didn't make any sense."
Mr. Yagi rubbed his chin. "There might be something, but... it's too unclear to say either way. I'll keep an eye out. It's just... a lot to take in. I thought One for All was done surprising me."
"When has it surprised you before?"
"Oh, under the influence of certain mental quirks, you can wind up hallucinating the previous users."
"Hallucinating?"
"Yes. But being under the influence of a mental quirk is always the larger issue, so..."
"Mr. Yagi," said Izuku. "That's really the kind of thing you should let people know about up front."
"I- is it?"
.
The ghosts all stared at Nana.
"Hey, don't blame this on me! None of us explained that kind of stuff before passing One for All on."
"In our defense," said En, half raising a hand, "we were usually dying when we passed it on."
"More importantly," said Hikage, "do you think Ninth is right about the quirks?"
"It would make sense," mused Yoichi. "Although then we'd have to wonder why Blackwhip didn't manifest similarly."
"Is it too much for me to get someone to use my quirk? My extremely awesome quirk, that has no downsides?"
"It is powered almost exclusively by rage."
"No downsides."
"You-"
"No. Downsides."
.
Aizawa passed him an envelope labeled 'quirk counseling' along with the standard schedule and orientation packet he was handing to everyone else. It didn't look like any of his class mates had noticed, though, for which Izuku was grateful. He didn't want to be known as a weirdo who didn't know what his own quirk was.
He heavily suspected he was tapping into Danger Sense, somehow, but he didn't know how, and the fourth user of One for All had lived so long ago there weren't any records of him. Not easily and publicly available. Everything Mr. Yagi had written in his notebook (that Izuku had probably stayed up way too late reading... and texting Mr. Yagi about it... and comparing it to his notes... and texting Mr. Yagi about that... and reviewing old All Might compilations and theory threads... and having Mr. Yagi threaten to call his mom if he didn't go to sleep...) about the fourth user had been retrieved from the journals Mr. Yagi's mentor had passed down, according to one of the source notes in the margin.
(Mr. Yagi had really neat, small handwriting, which Izuku wouldn't have ever expected from his large, dramatic signatures as All Might, and his notes were meticulous and carefully cited. If Izuku didn't know better, he would have thought it belonged to a secretary.)
But despite Izuku's suspicions, he didn't actually know. He didn't know it's range, what it defined as danger, whether or not it 'ranked' dangers, how to distinguish it from normal anxiety, or- Well. Anything, really. And he would really like to.
He opened the envelope quietly. Inside was a handwritten note instructing him to pick one of three schedules for quirk counseling and return it to Aizawa by the end of the day. The other pages were printed, with times and possible locations. Options for both before and after the school day.
Izuku felt his eyes tearing up. This was easily the nicest thing a teacher had ever done for him... Although he was nervous about being alone with Aizawa. Some of his other teachers, when they asked him to stay after class it was... not good.
Nothing bad happened, not like in movies or TV shows or the awareness videos the school had shown sometimes. The teachers didn't hurt him, really, didn't do anything to him, other than talk or yell, mostly, but it still wasn't good.
Maybe he could ask Mr. Yagi or Recovery Girl to sit in... But he already felt bad, taking up so much of their time.
He picked one of the after school schedules. He was already staying late on the other days to work with Mr. Yagi, and if something did go wrong, he wanted to have the night to recover before he had to face Aizawa again in class.
He put it to the side, so he'd remember to give it to Aizawa before he left, then looked over the class schedule. Homeroom, Math, Hero Art History, History, and English in the morning. At least this morning. The history classes alternated with something called Heroics-Applied Science and Hero Law and Ethics. Afternoons, meanwhile, were entirely occupied by Hero Basic Training.
And every class would be taught by a pro hero. He wondered if it would be rude to ask for their autographs...
.
Shouta grunted as Hizashi flopped down onto the couch next to him on the couch in the staff breakroom. "What a morning! I just love seeing all those bright little faces at the beginning of the year. Anyone have a favorite first year yet?"
Shouta kicked Hizashi through his sleeping bag. Sadly, this had no effect on the man.
"I think mine might be the little green guy. He's the only one who was actually paying attention, and you know how rare that is, when everyone is anticipating their first heroics lesson. The rest of us just pale in comparison."
Shouta attempted to kick Hizashi again, this time for an entirely different reason. Midoriya was already All Might's favorite (probably)- he did not need more pull with the staff.
"I know who my least favorite is," said Kan. "Kid's certainly dedicated and competitive, but I wouldn't be surprised if he threatened his middle school teachers into giving him those glowing reviews. His personality needs a lot of work. How did you get Nezu to saddle me with Bakugo, anyway, Eraser?"
"I had nothing to do with it."
"Don't give me that, I was going to have Monoma. At least he's a team player."
"You're being illogical," said Shouta, zipping his sleeping bag closed over his face.
"How about you, Nemuri?" asked Hizashi, cutting off Vlad King vs Eraserhead round five hundred.
"It's hard to choose! They're all so cute and eager! Full of the passion of youth! I think they're all my favorite."
"You always say that..."
The door opened and closed.
"All Might! What about you? Any favorites yet?"
Yagi coughed. "I've only had the one class of third years so far. Don't you think that's rather... premature?"
What an incredible nonanswer.
"How did that first class of yours go, anyway? They didn't sour you to the whole idea of teaching, did they?"
"Not at all! The students were wonderful. The third years are very advanced, aren't they? For some of them, I wouldn't be shocked to see that skill level on an active sidekick."
"What can I say? We start them off right," crowed Hizashi.
"They did seem a little surprised by the scenario, however."
"So was I, t'be honest," said Snipe, who was in charge of the third years.
"Ah, was it no good...?"
"It was fine. Lesson plan was a bit rough around the edges, but you and Nezu'll be goin' over that later. But... quirk traffickin' doesn't quite seem like your thing."
"Ah, well, set-pieces," he said, using the slightly derisive underground slang for large-scale spotlight hero battles, "may be what I'm known for, but before my injury, the majority of my battles and investigations weren't publicized."
"Shield laws?" asked Nemuri.
"Generally, yes, but some of the investigations were tied to others, so we were using the organized crime secrecy laws to keep those under wraps. Simply put, my popularity isn't the only reason I keep the number one spot despite Endeavor having more completed cases than me on paper."
Shouta had known there was more to All Might than 'punchy, over-the-top, eyestrain-causing, bombastic muscle guy,' but part of his stupid, illogical brain was annoyed at Yagi for pummeling that image into imaginary dust, anyway. It seemed like the man's only two flaws were horrible interpersonal skills when not using his public persona, and his vast suite of health issues, the latter of which all heroes who operated long enough picked up.
Oh, and a possible inclination towards bribery.
Made it hard to dislike him, which Shouta wanted to do, because he was loud, flashy, and gave him headaches, literal and metaphorical. He ignored the fact that Hizashi was the same way, and had forcibly become Shouta's best friend. Clearly, there was no connection here.
"By the way, why is young Aizawa completely zipped in like that?"
"Nap time," said Hizashi, solemnly.
.
"Sir?" said Iida, raising his hand.
"Yes, young man?" boomed All Might.
"There are nineteen of us. How are we handling the odd person out?"
"Excellent question! In other exercises, we may handle it differently, but for today, one of you will be working alone! Occasionally, a hero may find themselves isolated when they originally expected help. However, for better balance, I have also arranged it so the odd hero out will be taking part in the last battle, so you'll have more time to strategize!"
But the other team would also have more time to strategize, Izuku noted. He really hoped it wouldn't be him... not that he wanted to force it on any if his classmates! He just didn't want yet another handicap on the first day of training.
All Might walked around with the box of ballots, pausing for each student to take one. He reached Izuku and held the box out to him with a wink. Izuku smiled back, reached in, and grabbed one.
A chill ran up his back and he froze, fingers wrapped tightly around the little ball. Something told him this was definitely the cursed, single-person ballot. Could he let it go? Would it be considered cheating if he picked a new one?
But All Might was already walking away. Every part of his body tense, Izuku turned his hand over and forced his fingers apart.
J.
The tenth character of the Latin alphabet. For the tenth, last, team.
He watched as everyone else started to pair up, and All Might looked at him apologetically.
Izuku approximated a smile. Plus ultra, right?
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