#everything is fine and normal and cool :)
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Something about the way vash and wolfwood love each other in all the versions of trigun - it's just so poetic in a way, they're both so broken and traumatize from the world around them and yet find so much comfort in each other's arms.
they make me ill..
#tristamp#trigun stampede#trigun#trigun 98#trimax#offerupmybones rambles#I will not be normal about these two......#or anyone in trigun#trimax and 98 vashwood are like old married couples cuz they ARE old and married#tristamp vashwood are boyfriends..#polygun is cool too.. they all have their own problems and help each other through said problems and that's so beautiful to me#explaining stuff is hard me for sometimes -#thanks trigun for being a thing#my view in life is to spread love and peace :3!#goodmoring tumblr how are we this fine day :3#I will not shut up about this fandom - it's so good!!...#everything i've seen people make#is just AUGHH!!#so cool-
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sorrry ppl who donr follow me for utmv dtuff & sorry canon-strict ppll but nm & killer r soo incredibly important to me can u imagine being the embodiment the literal proof that there is bad and pain in this world or being the loowest of the low & then you have a silly bestfriend who u loveclove love lovr love so mjch & ur so fucked up u dont know where u end & your reluctant life purpose begins but u have a silly bestrfriend who wraps your wounds and youure all he reallyneeds & hes all you really need do you get it. do you get it. do you get it.
#cool posts#delete later maybe#utmv#nightmare sans#killer sans#‘they hate eachither in canon’ I DONT CARE 🔥🔥🔥 ‘they only like being evil’ I DONT CARE 🔥🔥🔥🔥#actually thats not true i do care that they r evil & i do think theyre evil & like being evil#theyvhate eachother sobmuch they love eachother so much they r indifferent to the other theyvwoukd kill eachother for a greater purpose#they have to see eachothers faces every day for decades mimicing some memory of the past they get to see eachothers faces every day with the#warmth accumulated over being obligated tonsokeone for so long hed saw off his arm if he was chained to him hed take a bullet for him & he h#as before and will again and agoan and again#DO YOU GET IT. DO YOU GET IT. DO YOU UNDERSTAND#i have have have to draw this out words arent enough i canr explain clearly enough they r such deep in depth characters to me.#just interpret everything i say as correct#its also 1am. but i canr forget this i have to type it out even if its shittty#what daydreammjng every wakng moment for 6 years about 2 guys does to a mf#i also think this applies no mayter how u interpret their relationship#ok ok ok i’m ok im fine im normal im so normal im done
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if you don't think they can still work, that honestly sounds like a you problem
#fionna and cake#adventure time#simon petrikov#betty grof#petrigrof#finn mertens#marceline abadeer#//honestly i just wanted to doodle golbetty who kills my eyes#and then whoops she has hair now.#alongside;;; other design changes#maybe she's like this bc of some kinda wish#like lets just pretend wishes worked mkay? mkay#or maybe this is basically like a mini copy to keep around simon who knows at this point#i did not plan that far ahead#anyway monster wife lets go#also mans deadass comes home after being missing for gods knows how long#everyone is worried sick about him and he just rolls up like nothing happened with his wife and absolutely nothing is wrong nope sirree#everything is fine and normal and cool :)#ALSO the absolute urge to do a funnie animatic/pmv thing with simon is growing (the pigeon song by cavetown will NOT leave me alone)#anywho hi hello yes im done rambling now goodbye!
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examining a seemingly normal image only to slowly realize the clear signs of AI generated art.... i know what you are... you cannot hide your true nature from me... go back where you came from... out of my sight with haste, wretched and vile husk
#BEGONE!!! *wizard beam blast leaving a black smoking crater in the middle of the tumblr dashboard*#I think another downside to everyone doing everything on phone apps on shitty tiny screens nowadays is the inability to really see details#of an image and thus its easier to share BLATANTLY fake things like.. even 'good' ai art has pretty obvious tells at this point#but especially MOST of it is not even 'good' and will have details that are clearly off or lines that dont make sense/uneven (like the imag#of a house interior and in the corner there's a cabinet and it has handles as if it has doors that open but there#are no actual doors visible. or both handles are slightly different shapes. So much stuff that looks 'normal' at first glance#but then you can clearly tell it's just added details with no intention or thought behind it. a pattern that starts and then just abruptly#doesn't go anywhere. etc. etc. )#the same thing with how YEARS ago when I followed more fashion type blogs on tumblr and 'colored hair' was a cool ''''New Thing''' instead#of being the norm now basically. and people would share photos of like ombre hair designs and stuff that were CLEARLY photoshop like#you could LITERally see the coloring outside of the lines. blurs of color that extend past the hair line to the rest of the image#or etc. But people would just share them regardless and comment like 'omg i wish I could do this to my hair!' or 'hair goallzzzz!! i#wonder what salon they went to !!' which would make me want to scream and correct them everytime ( i did not lol)#hhhhhhggh... literally view the image on anything close to a full sized screen and You Will SEe#I don't know why it's such a pet peeve of mine. I think just as always I'm obsessed with the reality and truth of things. most of the thing#that annoy me most about people are situations in which people are misinterpreting/misunderstanding how something works or having a misconc#eption about somehting thats easily provable as false or etc. etc. Even if it's harmless for some random woman on facebook to believe that#this AI generated image of a cat shaped coffee machine is actually a real product she could buy somewhere ... I still urgently#wish I could be like 'IT IS ALL AN ILLUSION. YOU SEE???? ITS NOT REALL!!!!! AAAAA' hjhjnj#Like those AI shoes that went around for a while with 1000000s of comments like 'omg LOVE these where can i get them!?' and it's like YOU#CANT!!! YOU CANT GET THEM!!! THEY DONT EXIST!!! THE EYELETS DONT EVEN LINE UP THE SHOES DONT EVEN#MATCH THE PATTERNS ARE GIBBERISH!! HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE THEY ARE NOT REAL!??!!' *sobbing in the rain like in some drama movie*#Sorry I'm a pedantic hater who loves truth and accuracy of interpretation and collecting information lol#I think moreso the lacking of context? Like for example I find the enneagram interesting but I nearly ALWAYS preface any talking about it#with ''and I know this is not scientifically accurate it's just an interesting system humans invented to classify ourselve and our traits#and I find it sociologically fascinating the same way I find religion fascinating'. If someone presented personality typing information wit#out that sort of context or was purporting that enneagram types are like 100% solid scientific truth and people should be classified by the#unquestionaingly in daily life or something then.. yeah fuck that. If these images had like disclaimers BIG in the image description somewh#re like 'this is not a real thing it's just an AI generated image I made up' then fine. I still largely disagree with the ethics behind AI#art but at least it's informed. It's the fact that people just post images w/o context or beleive a falsehood about it.. then its aAAAAAA
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his name is Jamie
#and he's actually an asshole but .... uh... [voice crack] Y-yUp#I'm normal. I'm cool. I'm fine. Everything is fine.
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That opinion that every happy ending involves getting married and having kids and it's happily ever after? This does NOT apply to the Astrea family AT ALL.
Case Study #1: Wilhelm and Theresia
They marry and have a kid, go through that typical line of a happy end... but in reality, Wilhelm loves his wife too much, and it's a problem
(especially after said wife dies and he blames everyone else in his family and Oh, Look! Family Drama!™)
Happily ever after? He's estranged himself from the Astreas now, blames his own grandson, and goes on a long journey of revenge. His son's become an alcoholic, his daughter-in-law is dead to the world, and he just left the Astrea family to be handled by the mess that is Heinkel
Wilhelm was so obsessed with his wife, thought his kid might've been a genius (he was not), and when his wife was gone, he was pretty quick to turn around and leave
And where was he before Theresia even died? Where was Theresia, too? When Heinkel couldn't get a job, when Louanna became a Sleeping Beauty, or when people broke into the Astrea manor?
Reinhard was five when Theresia died. These events all happened before that, and they're... enjoying retirement, I guess?
Case #2: Louanna and Heinkel
First off, they married young. Well, to us, it's young, but remember, the age they can start getting married is 15. They're in something like a medieval period. Being around 18 or 19 is totally plausible to get married for them. As we've seen with Priscilla, age gaps aren't a problem either
Heinkel has a beautiful wife and has a kid, and all is well for exactly two years. Then his wife is Gluttony-ed, and everything goes downhill from then on
Heinkel...
... has little talent for the sword, yet is stuck between two generations of Sword Saints (his mother and his son)
... doesn't qualify for the "van" in his name
... can't even get a proper job on his own
... almost loses Reinhard when he's FOUR
... is searching for a cure for his wife that involves killing the dragon that protects their kingdom
... has not kept his wife's state under wraps so nearly everyone knows and can gossip
... verbally abuses even those who try to help him and then regrets it when it's too late
... lost to his own 5-year old kid in a sword duel despite training his whole life himself
... is aware that national laws have been made to restrict his son
... has a job for the sake of appearances with no actual responsibility
... 's job is being done for him by someone about half his age and is otherwise just a knight (Julius)
Heinkel grew up with two heroes for parents, realized he could never match up to even the family general standard, but he does get a beautiful wife and son... and then his wife disappears in what might've the peak of his marriage, and his son has all the talent in the world—something Heinkel might've dreamed of having
Case 3: Reinhard.
Reinhard is obviously expected to marry and have a child to continue the Divine Protection, but that too is just another responsibility he's burdened with.
He's someone with so many Divine Protections that he can see the reality of what each is like. What if he doesn't want his kid to go through having the one that brings so much family expectation (Sword Master)?
Does Reinhard even lose that blessing if it's passed on? Does he just keep his copy and the next one has it too?
Would Reinhard actually feel relieved because his own child now shoulders the responsibilities he had to deal with over the Divine Protection?
Does Reinhard even have a proper understanding of how to express love, or what parental love looks like, if the two cases above are his main examples?
It's been stated that Reinhard would marry whoever the world chose. He isn't going to choose, and especially not for love. Reinhard's just an existence trying to please everyone and live up to their expectations because there's too much at stake that it's impossible to do otherwise
Example: what if he doesn't do right and everyone is dissapointed or leaves?
What even happened during the shady relationship Reinhard and Heinkel apparently had when Reinhard was younger?
In fact, the Astrea family problems started AFTER they got married. Except Reinhard, but that's because he already has to deal with the problems from the marriages of those before him, and they still haven't been solved or even ignored
#just woke up so I'll look at this later#checked in and remembered this applies to Subaru too#he marries Rem in an IF and everything's fine... but then he's back where he started#sure it was a happy “ending” but it wasnt the right and proper ending#b99 Rosa said something about how marrying having kids and being happy is just something TV does#and a lot of marriages in Re:Zero have problems or a not-good future#Emilia's parents are an unknown#Julius's parents died helping others and Julius was thrust into the position of the Juukulius heir away from his normal#Carol and Grimm just witness the mess that is the Astrea family despite being from its time of even before the Demihuman war#Lilianas parents dont care that she left and just think it'd be cool to replace her with another kid#priscilla with all her husbands dying soon after marriage#regulus makes the problems in all his relationships#i had thoughts i couldnt articulate and now ive lost my train of thought#rezero#re zero#re:zero#astrea#oh well
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guy experiencing the 'no knowledge of the passage of time' and 'forgetting about the existence of large swathes of the world when he is not Looking Directly At Them And Even Then Its Like A 50/50 Chance' disorder voice: bwugh
#HI. HI...#how longs it been#no seriously how longs it been i have no idea#it feels simultaneously like three months and nine years skull emoji#maybe its only been two minutes but oh well WHATEVRR hi folks#its me. ya boy. im alive i swear#FIVE DAYS. alright. thats cool thats cool#oh i am not reconnected with reality yet i can feel it#okay im definitely going to delete this in the morning this is like a slow decent into madness atp#tldr. im fine. hello. everythings fine and normal#thumbs up
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Fellas i am nervous
#i have an exam tomorrow#but its not just a regular exam. its an exam for a big group project that we've been doing since january#we even have to dress formal for it#its kinda like a thesis defense (or whatever its called in english)#but um anyway i am afraid that im gonna get a bad grade or that theyre gonna ask questions i cant answer#cause this is a group project so i dont really know that well about everything (though we probably should know each other's parts well)#but uhh anyway this project is not as important as my thesis (which i still have to work on)#so its probably fine if i make mistakes. i mean. our seniors made mistakes in their project and they passed so like i dont have to worry#and its only 3 credits which is low compared to actual thesis (5 credits)#but like... yknow... its starting to get into my head#im aware that this is a very normal reaction to a very normal event but goddddd i should learn how to meditate#on the other hand. i am excited to wear formal clothes bcs ive never had to wear them before hehe#im especially looking forward to wearing the black boots and black trousers combination#it made me feel so cool when i looked into the mirror#but anyway yeah. press like to wish me luck bcs i need it😞
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sigh
#more than anything i just miss being your friend#i want to talk to you all the time and i wish you wanted to talk to me too#about normal things and funny things. i miss my friend i just miss my friend#it didn’t end on bad terms i know and that’s good but every time we do talk it’s like trying to catch a really slippery rock or something#maybe not catch. just. i have to refrain from sending you insane paragraphs because i catch myself because i know it’s weird and not cool#and it’s weird and not cool to do this too but like. what can i do#i just wish we could be friends again. the void gets smaller every day but then..#i just wanna tell you everything i wanna tell you about my friends and my life and what i’m doing and i wanna know what you’re doing and#what’s new . and it’s stupid because i never did that before . but i guess these things make you realize a lot#and it’s like#i don’t Know what’s okay. i don’t know . i don’t know if i can make a joke i don’t Know if you’re ignoring me on purpose#and it’s fine if you are i know you don’t want to talk to me ever again probably. and it’s fine because i’m well adjusted and i understand#and i respect you and i’m honoring that. but i also just. can you blame me
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that period of time between south park post covid being announced in 2021 to summer 2022 when everyone got obsessed with truffula flu was moderately heavenly
#i'm going through all my chronological memory hoarding playlists from late 2013 to now#taken all day but i'm currently on around june 2022 and it's so nostalgic#but like that entire time was unreal#never forget south park post covid announcement literally curing me of like 2 years worth of on and off depression#i was like still weakly crawling out of the abyss and then adult scientist philanthropist kenny jsut yanked me out of there so easily#no warning#and then i was fine. it was so funny to me like i was in the middle of my eateot induced existential crisis where i couldn't sleep and then#everything was just normal? literally whatever episode of my life i was in had ended and everything reset for the next episode#which was such a good episode as well. and then the tflu era??#reading every existing camp entre blog within a month#and then the swag and bitter archives. literally the summer of all time#not just for that i mean it was just a good summer anyway#the only logical direction for life to go in after that was down bc i'd literally peaked for about 8 months#but it was a good time while it lasted#this was meant to be a happy ''remember the good times'' post but how come i'm only allowed to be happy for like a year at most#but i'm allowed to be in the abyss for 2 years#hopefully not longer bc i'm only now just getting over the cursed half of 2022 that doesn't exist to me (sep-dec)#but like. 2015 and first part of 2016 good. 2016-2018 bad#end of 2018 and most of 2019 good. end of 2019-summer 2021 bad#end of 2021-summer 2022 good. end of 2022-now bad#the maths does not add up#anyway shoutout november 2021-july 2022 i love you soooooooo much you were so sexy <3#(apart from the agoraphobia but that was part of the fun)#(like i'd be out in public and i'd see a pic of entre on my phone and i guess too much serotonin would be released in my brain and i'd get#anxiety and have to go home and i couldn't eat in public and i basically couldn't leave the house)#(because i was too obsessed with tflu)#(that wasn't the main reason it was mostly a wild fear of food poisoning from anything. but tflu didn't help and that is so cool of it)#(truly an iconic time. okay stop talking)#ramble
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ITS BEEN A FUCKING WEEK. PASS THE DETRITUS
#howling#had a lvl 1 trauma at abt 720#which sucks but we were managing fine#call er back at 750 as protocol to ask if theyve transfused and if theyll need more and to make sure they have a t&s ordered#secretary confirms that both units were transfused + they wont be needing more (lol) + a type and screen WAS drawn just not ordered yet#ok cool. all i have to do is wait for the specimen so i can crossmatch the units#im chilling in bloodbank doing bloodbank things#meanwhile. er calls the front desk (blood bank has a separate phone line. they specifically called the lab line instead)#lab assistant takes the call (like normal). theyre not sure what er said exactly but theyre planning to transfer the patient somewhere#and mentioned 'something like mpp???'#midnight tech was upfront and overheard. immediately asked if they meant MTP#lab assistant wasnt sure but said she had asked if er wanted to talk to blood bank (aka me) and they said no#both the assistant and the tech assumed that they DIDNT actually mean mtp because that would be fucking bonkers#if they casually mention it to a lab assistant and NOT FUCKING BLOOD BANK#and i didnt hear about this phone call until like maybe an hour or two later btw#anyways. yeah no they called an MTP#thats always fucking awful but they DID bring down the t&s partway thru#patient had no history and the only other specimens on file were drawn at the same time#so i order a confirmatory type to make things easier later on. it needs to be drawn by either the nursing team or by a lab assistant#screen is negative so at least we only need to do an immediate spin crossmatch on everything#we get all the units emergency issued + the platelets are ordered and issued normally after the t&s is done since it doesnt need a xmatch#er cancels the mtp. theyve transfused 6 out of the 8 units we sent them. two remaining units being sent to or#or is told directly that the mtp was canceled and that theyd need to call a new one if things escalate again#ok. things are calming down. its fine. i got all the xmatches done and theyre all compatible which is great#we get in a delivery from arc of platelets bringing us back up to 6 on the shelf (we need 5 on hand tomorrow morning for an open heart)#(at this point i find out about the phone call i mentioned earlier)#i get a call from or. my heart sinks immediately#or nurse says they need 2 rbcs and 2 platelets and theyre sending someone down RIGHT NOW to pick it up#we still hadnt gotten that confirmatory btw#im too stunned to say anything else so i just go ok. and hang up
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TO YOU. im having a ball
#not these guys specifically cus i havent watched the vids#but its so funny when ppl who optimise the fuck out of the game to get to the end in like an hour and then complain theres nothing to do...#my suggestion would just be like. if u alwasy do stuff one way try doing it another. challenge urself#try to speedrun if u normally go slow. teach urself redstone. go for all the advancements#i think most of the ppl complaining like this r those who just like. automate everything they can. which is fine#but it IS boring. go mining instead of making an iron farm! explore!!! find fun generation!!!!!#i found a pink sheep that naturally spawned yesterday. and i took it home with me and put it in with my other sheep so it had friends#life is beautiful.#ALSO UM. MAKE MORE ADVENTURE MAPS. THEY R SO COOL NOBODY MAKES THEM ANY MORE#less 'survivng 100 days with no coal' more 'epic jump map' style content. please
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When I was younger if I got a kind of crush on someone I felt like I had to do something about it somehow, like I had to confess or change our relationship in some way, but now I know that I don't actually want that so my policy is like. if I have a crush on you that's none of your business actually. so the good news is if I have ever or currently do have a crush on you, you will never know. you also won't know if I don't. you are constantly in a quantum state.
#the thing is that back then I didn't know I was on the aroace part of the spectrum#so I felt like I had to fight through and Be Normal#but now I am like “actually I am normal and fine just like I am”#and how I am is a person that sometimes gets crushes but they amount to me being like “that person is so cool I want them to love me”#and I wish I had come to this awareness younger but also when I was younger I felt a lot of shame about literally everything so#it wasn't on the cards then but now it is#but anyway sorry mutuals I have a crush on at least one of you and you'll never know if it's you#so you will just have to assume that you are loved sorry
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........fuck
#FUCK IT ALL!#/not mad. actually a little mad but in a fun way? wait what?#Why the hell was I struck with this thought the MOMENT I started fallout? lol#ridiculous#Anyways! I had a thought. NOT THAT I AM FOR SURE#but like- ITS AN IF!#IF I DID make an S/I WHICH I AM NOT! I could see Clyde being 100% shy to talk to them- simply because Clyde believes his family is ''cursed#Just because something bad happens to each of their family members in some way (sans him and his brother's sister)#Clyde is a little superstitious as well- As he associated a word with a time where he went to juvey as a kid after the word was said so now#he associates it with something bad happening-#anyways yeah- I feel like he'd be very shy in his own way around my SI WHICH IS FINE#BECAUSE THERE ISN'T GONNA BE AN S/I EVERYTHING IS FINE! ITS NORMAL WE'RE COOL! ARE YOU COOL!? I'M COOL!
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The more I think on how I am when I'm badly dissociated for a long period of time the more I start to realize that maybe what I experience isn't normal dissociation and idk how to feel abt that
#like hmmm maybe having hours to weeks at a time where whatever consciousness makes me me doesnt exist at all isnt normal#maybe having my brain and body run themselves as I fully disappear is weird. maybe seeing memories of those moments like movies instead of-#-my own experience is a sign of something. but also if its a sign of something that something could be used to prevent me from transitioning#so that something I think is best to not think abt until I've at least gotten top surgery.#but its also hard not to think abt bc like. it is uncomfortable. death and the potential following non-existence aren't scary#but the idea of not existing within my own body while I'm still alive is. because if I'm not there#A where the hell did I go. B what the fuck is living for me#feels like I get knocked out and possessed and then afterwards the ghost shows me a video of everything it did like??? cool one question WHY#like thanks for letting me nap for a bit while you live for me but can we try communicating about this instead of snapping me out of reality#its nice to avoid breaking down from stress and all but like. there's gotta be a better way to avoid it than this.#surely I have options other than spontaneous nonexistence and possession#idk. thats what it always feels like and like. I dont hate it but I dont like it either. its fine but its also very uncomfortable
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Help my pet words have breached containment
Now ANYONE could just read them!
Even YOU!!
The multi-chapter finale to the trilogy of that "short story oneshot" I wrote in... JUNE???
From the AO3 page:
A rumour begins to spread around Home, that Frank is in love with a girl named Violet. While Frank and Julie are trying to protect the truth, Sally is personally dedicated to unveiling it. Eddie is more than a little miffed about the whole ordeal; he'd thought he and Frank might've had something, after all.
#innisart#welcome home#eddie dear#frank frankly#sally starlet#welcome home fanfic#I'm so fine and cool and calm about posting this#everything is normal :)
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