#everything is (para)normal

[paracosmicka]

They should invent a new kind of body that doesn’t make scabs and the bits of dead skin so peelable

[johnnyvalance]

call me apathetic but i think this fandom has an unhealthy attachment to people who they don’t actually know and all need to collectively take a deep breath and a step back

[quietlyblooms-gone]

sits here all cutesy. so. chiyo's arcane verse... we're gonna knock into some spoilers, so i'm putting a read more! also so sorry, but i definitely rambled my heart out exploring this topic :' )

one plot point i keep turning over in my head is the idea of chiyo's father either becoming ill or injured and eventually finding his way to viktor's lil community in zaun. i don't know that chiyo would bring him there herself -- she's a skeptic. i think it's more likely that she would scope out this " healer " prior to dragging her dad down there, and i'm?? a little torn on whether she'd be convinced. she doesn't trust people easily, much less an entire community of people, so part of me thinks she'd be apprehensive no matter how peaceful and happy everyone seems.

yet i have to consider how desperate she might be. is her dad suffering from an injury that will heal but perhaps leave him disabled, or is he dying? that's up in the air for me since i'm hammering out details. i also have to consider whether her dad would let her or anyone take him to see viktor... and yeah he would. not for his sake but bc he can tell his daughter or whoever else needs this. they need to try to save him.

that's why i'm tempted to make it higher stakes. so often chiyo is robbed of the opportunity to simply try to protect her loved ones, and not just in this verse. i put her on the sidelines a lot despite her nature. she would do anything for the people she loves, but when she's playing a support role, there's only so much she can do.

and in this verse, she loses kojirou. there's already one death ( if not others among the firelights ) she couldn't prevent, and his stings in particular bc chiyo wasn't there when it happened. she was off living her cushy life while kojirou had his light snuffed out. that tears her apart, changes her. i can't dive too much into that here, but she has to save her dad. she can't let another loved one die. if there's something she can do, she has to do it.

of course, if viktor heals her dad, she loses him in the end. jayce's actions and the ensuing chaos ensure that. and again, there isn't anything chiyo could have done. in fact, she expedited his death -- that's how she'll see it. which... she'll carry that for a while, i think. and i wish i could say she eventually learns she can't control what happens to those around her, but :' )) i think that experience will just solidify her resolve to struggle against the odds and trust her gut.

perhaps she becomes more accepting of the fact that there will be times when her efforts are a waste, but chiyo is stubborn as hell. the people she loses will only motivate her to fight harder, push further, yell louder, pay closer attention. be better. do better. for them. that sort of mindset.

[kasylikeskiwi]

Inktober Day 1

I'm doing a self-made inktober prompt list of songs that I associate with ocs. So im just gonna rant about the symbolism and stuff that I attempted as if I actually know what I'm doing

Here's the first one!

right where you left me actually inspired Kayla's whole Thing, because her mind is stuck in the past and present simultaneously. She isn't really tied to a place from her past like other ghosts are, but she is tied to a person. Unfortunately, said person is supposedly dead.

since the song is about being stuck in one moment as the world moves on, it just fits pretty well with how Kayla feels so distant from everything and why. Also, she's a very spacey person with her head always in the clouds, so holding on to the ideal of a person who isn't in her life anymore is basically exactly what she does.

I wanted to keep the person who's holding her without features, because I can at least pretend that there's some mystery behind who it is lol. I usually tend to color in my silhouettes but I kept this one blank because it felt more comforting, and more airy. Also, she's balled up as much as she can be, like a child in need of protection. It's also a way of showing how she keeps herself small to allow this idea to consume her.

[balladetto]

cont. from here / @gloryseized

     Forgot. He forgot.

     An isolated part of Link knows that isn't the right word for it. Realises, distantly, how unfair this maybe is of him — as though this is something Shion should think to remember for him when he only knows the bits and pieces of Link that are polished enough to be seen. As though Shion's the strange one for being some amount of normal about the moon. But this is how he puts it: I forgot, and the voice that would argue against the surge of hurt that spears through Link's veins is not loud.

     ( He's too cold with fear to care to strain his ears to listen for it. )

     The world bleeds in cinders, ashes of red that curl up in the lungs breathing them in like wildfire fumes. Everything sways. Everything shudders. It's the trembling of an earth that cannot move away from the moon that seeks to consume it, and Link— braces himself, stumbles over himself, catches himself on too small hands and knees; is in two places at once without it registering that he's actually stuck, actually frozen, actually unmoved from where he's standing and sinking into a shell carved from echoes of another time and world.

     The head won't shake. The fingers dart down, then up, then for the pouch they will not ungrip as nnnn clings to gritted teeth. It's a twitch of a sound he can't fully release while Tatl urges in an ear, the song! The song, play the song!

     Link doesn't know what this is. He doesn't know what the moon wants. He doesn't know how to ask when all he can do is look up at Shion, heart pounding a horrified rhythm, and think of what he will lose to the ocarina he can trace beneath the leather separating it from his touch this time.

[vullabies-and-skeledirges]

i think w e should all stop and take a moment to appreciate the complex network of mutualistic symbiosis between the fidough line, the yeast cultures in their breath, paldean wheat, and humans. theres a dog whose natural symbiosis with a fungus paved the way for a partnership with humans, who then selectively bred their natural plant-growth pheromones to be specifically effective for wheat so they could be even more helpful for making bread. how cool is that you guys

[nathanbatemanfucker]

Vanilla Tobacco

summary: would you ever be enough for joaquin?

pairing: joaquin torres x f!reader

contents: 18+/NSFW/MATURE/MINORS DNI, smut, unprotected p in v, oral (f!receiving), internal angst, yearning, insecure!reader, fluff, love confessions

wc: 3,115

an: this fic idea came to me while i was listening to vanilla tobacco by eloise 🫶🏾

danny ramirez characters masterlist

You and Joaquin spend more time together than you expected to, but that feeling creeps in when the first streams of light peak through his curtains.

That feeling is exactly what you’d been worried about when you and Joaquin first started.

Since the beginning, you felt like Joaquin was out of your league. Not because you weren’t in one of your own— you had plenty to offer—but because you’re just a civilian. It feels silly when you really think about it, but you don’t have any special abilities, no training, and you certainly aren’t a mechanical or quantum genius.

You’re just a person. A normal person with not much but yourself to give. And while it was a lot to give, would it be enough for someone like Joaquin? You weren't sure.

It’s what you’re thinking about when he stirs beside you. You quickly close your eyes, trying to settle back into the mattress but Joaquin can feel the tension in your muscles as he stretches against you.

Lips brush the spot beneath your ear and his voice thick with sleep but smooth, “Buenas días, cariño.”

“Buenas días,” You murmur softly, sinking back against him when his arms circle you.

“What’re you thinking about?”

“Hmm?”

“You were awake, probably laying there worrying about everything under the sun. So what was it today?”

He’s observant. Too observant in this case.

“Nothing important.”

He taps your hip, prompting you to roll over to face him. “It’s important if you’re worrying about it. C’mon, querida, lay it on me.”

“It’s just…gallery stuff,” You say hesitantly. “There’s an artist I’m hoping to hear back from.”

It isn’t a complete lie, there is an artist you would die to have in the gallery you help manage. But it’s the weekend, you know you’ll hear back eventually. With Joaquin, you don’t have the courage to ask the right questions.

“I’m sure you’ll hear back from them soon. They’d be lucky to be working under you. I mean look at that,” he points to a piece you painted that’s now hanging on his wall.

You hadn’t planned to give it to him though your relationship with him had inspired it. He’d come over one day and begged you to give it to him, not knowing he’d been the inspiration.

Your cheeks warm at his praise, at the meaning of the piece, unbeknownst to him. Shaking your head you insist, “That’s nothing.”

“It’s from your hands,” He counters, eyes warm.

His faith in you and your artistry make your heart race a little, that feeling returning. You try to swallow it down, distracting yourself by running a hand through his soft hair. “If you wanted in my nonexistent pants, you could just kiss me.”

His eyes go from warm to scorching, and he pinches your thigh playfully. “Maybe I wanted to compliment you first. I get to do that, you know.”

You’ve got him right where you want him, and you know that with his touch, with his kiss that all those worrying thoughts will fade to the background.

“Compliment received. Now what?”

The depth of Joaquin’s hunger bleeds through when he leans in to kiss you. His mouth is insistent, entitled as he kisses you deeply. He pushes you back against the sheets, both his arms coming up to pin your wrists down on either side of your head.

“Vamos a alistarte para mí, ¿hmm?” He asks, his lips brushing yours with every word.

“Mhmm, yeah,” you breathe, kissing more firmly at his mouth.

He returns your kiss for a few seconds before he takes your bottom lip between his teeth, biting gently. He starts a trail of these bites downward, your neck, your breasts, tummy and eventually thighs as he spreads your legs wide.

His mouth stays that way even as he eats you out; eager and demanding. He knows exactly what to do to get you to shiver and whine, his tongue alternating between sucking at your clit and dipping inside you to taste more of your slick. This combination takes you high quickly and once you’re relaxed for him, he slides his cock inside of you in one thrust as he kisses you gently.

With each roll of his hips, the tip of his cock feels like it’s kissing your womb, like he’s trying to dig himself further inside you.

“Joaquin, fuck,” You whine, one of your hands gripping his hair roughly.

He groans as pleasurable pain bursts against his scalp; he welcomes the way you sometimes pull his hair or bite the muscle of his arms. He bends to kiss the tip of your nose, shushing you. “Shhh, yo sé. Just take it for me, hmm, amorcito?”

You let out a gasping breath, nodding softly. It feels like he’s in your guts, in your throat but taking him is what you want. What you both want. “Okay,” You breathe, trembling beneath him as the band inside you winds tighter.

“Hold me close, querida,” He coos, finding more stable purchase on his knees so that his thrusts can come quicker and harder.

It’s a familiar dance that your bodies fall into, hips kissing in a rhythm that bring you both closer to the prescipe of your highs. Joaquin’s mouth is always busy, either praising you with how well you take him or leaving bites along your neck and shoulder.

You fall apart around him, biting your lip to hold in the wanton groan.

Joaquin bends to take control of your lips, shaking his head as he does. “Quiero oírte,” He mumbles against your lips.

It’s impossible then for you to resist; how could you deny him what he wanted if it was in your power?

Your body shakes beneath his, squeezing his cock tight as you whimper and moan beneath him. While you’ve always felt self conscious about how loud you can get, Joaquin has reassured you that he loves it. You should believe him with how quickly he unravels as your moans spill into the air.

He kisses you deeply, licking into your mouth trying to swallow your sweet sounds as he fills you with his cum.

You’re exactly where you want to be— surrounded. By the scent of sex and Joaquin, by his warmth and his praise. By his desire.

—

The next time that feeling shows its face is just a couple weeks later. You woke up with a start, your brain playing games with your heart even as you slept. The sight of Joaquin soundly asleep in your bed should’ve helped but it sent you further into a panic.

You love him, that much is sure. But could you ever tell him? Would you be enough?

Slowly, you reach over to grab your phone off the nightstand before slinking out of bed and into the kitchen. You call one of your closest friends, Eden; they’ve been privy to the entire journey Joaquin. They know how much you care for him.

As usual you skip the pleasantries, too far in your frenzy. “I have to end things with him.”

Eden has been quite patient with you despite your flip flopping nature. Even now. “Why’s that?” They ask, like the two of you haven’t had this conversation multiple times now.

“You know why.”

“I know why you think, but like I’ve said before I don’t think that’s true.”

“He’s a superhero.”

“And you’re somebody’s too. Managing a gallery at your age isn’t something that just happens, usually you’re just assisting.”

“Yeah, but I’m not saving anyone’s life.”

“No one’s expecting that from you. Least of all Joaquin,” They reason easily.

“I just don’t want to disappoint him. Maybe I haven’t yet, but I probably will and I think that would hurt more than me just ending things while we’re ahead.”

“Are you really ahead if you’re in love with him?”

“He doesn’t know that I’m in love with him. That would scare him off too I bet.”

“Did you call me so I could confirm your delusions or challenge you?”

Your voice grows softer as your words grow more vulnerable, “I don’t know, I just— I woke up in a panic and when I looked at him I had to face everything that I might lose. Waking up next to him means more than I ever thought it would.”

Eden’s tone is much more tender when they speak again, “Honey—“

“Querida? You in here?” Joaquin calls, his voice sounding much closer than you would like.

If you could hear him so easily, could he hear you?

“I have to go, he’s up. I’ll call you later,” You hang up just as Joaquin appears in the hallway, giving him your best reassuring smile. “Mornin’.”

He tilts his head, hair fluffy and mused. He studies you for a moment. “Que pasó?”

“Nada. Fue Eden.”

“They okay?” He asks, slowly closing the space between the two of you.

“Yeah they’re totally fine.”

His gaze lingers a beat longer than usual and for a moment you think he’s going to say something that confirms he overheard. Instead, his hands cup your cheeks, and he examines you further, his eyes so soft and warm. “You okay?”

You shut your eyes, leaning into his hands with a soft hum.

“Eyes open,” he challenges.

Silently sighing, you open your eyes, finding his gaze toxicating and grounding all at once. “I’m okay. Dame un beso,” you whisper.

Joaquin is still at first, and you can feel the way his eyes dig into you, searching for whatever you’re trying to hide from him. Whatever he sees, if anything at all, he must not be ready to talk about. Or maybe, he’s respecting your autonomy.

The way his hands cradle your face changes into something nurturing and delicate. “Besos a la orden—pero solo porque me lo pediste bonito,” he teases.

His kiss is much like it always is, unyielding and hypnotic. He has you pinned against the counter with nowhere to go. If your hands are any indicator where they’re clutching at his shirt, there’s nowhere you want to go anyway.

As always, you and Joaquin work together seamlessly, your hands moving up to thread through his hair as his move down to grip your hips and hoist you on the counter.

“What do you want, hmm? Who?” he asks, breathless from thrusting himself into the cradles of your thighs.

“You,” you mumble clumsily into his mouth, too occupied with tasting his tongue.

“Soloamente yo?” he grits out, nipping at your lip.

There’s a new and charged intensity in the way his mouth is against yours, the way his fingers dig into the flesh of your hips.

There is no hesitation in your answer. “Yes.”

“Porque?”

“Hmm?” you hum in confusion, breath catching in your throat as his fingers slide into your panties to find your clit.

Why do you want him? What kind of question is that— why wouldn’t you want him? The true question is why does he want you? But you aren’t allowed to slip into that thought pattern, his voice bringing you back to the present.

“Porque?” he asks again but he doesn’t let you respond. He keeps talking, his voice and fingers relentless. “Porque tu eres mía. Entiendes?”

“Si, soy tuya,” you whine as two of his thick fingers slip inside you.

—

It’s been a few weeks now since that day. You’re still thinking about how intense Joaquin was that morning, wondering what had gotten him so riled up. He had spread you across your kitchen counters and kept you pinned there with his fingers and mouth for minutes on end, eventually dragging you down to the floor to lose himself inside you. Whatever that was felt like a new piece of him you had unlocked, carnal and passionate. The thought sends a shiver down your spine— it feels like you can still taste him and feel his touch.

There’s a knock on your door and Joaquin starts to tease you right off the bat, “You always daydreaming on the clock like this, querida?”

You jump, grateful that you had decided to take your work back to your office instead of working in the lobby with how distracted you seem to be.

Scrambling, you reach for some papers in an attempt to look like you’re working. “Oh fuck, Joaquin. Hi. Hey, what are you doing here? I thought you were out of town.”

“We finished up early.” He leans on your desk, bending to place a kiss on your forehead. “I’m here because I want you to get dinner with me. You down?”

“Definitely, but I’m not off for another hour.”

“An hour, huh?” He looks at his watch, squinting. “I could make something shake in that hour. I’ll pick you up then.”

“O-okay,” you confirm before glancing over to your computer screen.

He clears his throat, and you meet his gaze again. Teasingly, he says, “Dame un beso, princesa.”

His words bring heat to your face but you can’t help but smile whenever Joaquin teases you; it’s so him. You stand from your desk, palms pressed into stacks of paper and sticky notes so you can press your lips to his. His hands find your waist and he nearly drags you over the desk, just succeeding in curbing his eagerness to be with you. It makes your head swim and for a moment you forget you’re at work.

The shrill of your phone cuts through the sensual haze and he pecks you on the lips on last time. “I’ll let you know when I’m back.”

You’re able to let yourself slip into a groove when there’s another knock at your door.

You don’t even look up, continuing to type the email you’re writing. “Joaquin, it definitely hasn’t been an hour.”

“So it was him!” your coworker, Daniella squeals. “When he asked for you at the reception desk I thought it was him. Jeff said it wasn’t.”

Jeff makes his way into your office with Daniella on his heels. “I thought he’d be the type to keep romance in the inner circle. Date another avenger or something. How’d you bag the Falcon?”

“We’re just getting to know each other,” you suggest.

“That’s not what he said at the desk,” Jeff retorts.

“Yeah, he said he was your boyfriend,” Daniella sings.

“Well he wasn’t gonna say he’s my booty call. Can you guys let me work, he’s gonna be back to pick me up.”

“Oooo, he’s taking you for a ride on those wings?”

“Dani—“

“Maybe an autograph?” Jeff cuts in.

“Out. Both of you.”

They know you only use that tone when you’re dealing serious and scurry out of your office. You get a decent amount of work done and when an hour has passed you pack up and make your way into the lobby. Joaquin is studying a set of quilts hanging from the ceiling, his back to you. You quickly make your way past the reception desk, ignoring the kissy sounds that Daniella and Jeff make as you walk by.

“Prompt as ever, Torres.”

He glances over his shoulder at you with a grin. “Always. C’mere. Para ti,” He hands you a bouquet of wildflowers before grasping your free hand to pull you close. “This is one of your artists, yeah?”

His question derails you from questioning him on the flowers. “Yeah, the one I was worried about.”

“Told you you’d get it done. Listas?”

“Listo.”

Joaquín takes you to a place you’ve both been a few times, a dining hall comprised of food trucks by the water. There’s collections of picnic tables to sit out, a dessert corner, and even a dance floor.

After making a game plan to get one thing from each truck, you both take your respective routes and agree to meet at a table near the dance floor.

It’s a struggle not let your mind wander as the two of you catch up, telling the other how the last week has gone while munching on your buffet. Jeff’s words had amplified you worries about not being enough for Joaquin.

As always, Joaquin notices but this time instead of confronting you, he wants to give you reassurance. He had heard your conversation with Eden all those weeks ago and in turn could identify when you were getting in your head about your dynamic with him. After some thinking, he realized he was ready to put those questions to rest for the both of you.

He finishes his bite, wiping his fingers before he rests a hand on top of yours. “Dance with me.”

“Joaquin…”

His mouth sets into a pout, eyes going wide. “Please, querida?”

You let out a resign sigh and start to stand, “Fine.”

There’s a slow song playing once he guides you to the dance floor, and he pulls you close, tucking you against his chest.

His mouth brushes your temple when he finally speaks “You’re distracted.”

“I’m not.”

“You barely touched those curly fries, and we got them because you begged.”

You shrug, looking up at him with a frown. “So maybe I’m a little distracted. Work has been a little nuts.”

“It’s not about, oh you know, your conversation with Eden?”

It feels like someone’s poured cold water down the back of your shirt. You stand straight up, creating a small gap between you despite being linked by your hands. “What conversation with Eden?”

“The one where you worried about being enough for me— which you are,” he murmurs.

“No it’s not about that,” you lie.

“Then it’s about the loving me part?”

The nonchalant manner in which he brings it up has discomfort festering in your chest. Did he think it was funny? That your love for him was so inconsequential that he could talk about it like it’s the weather?

“Joaquin I don’t want—“ you start defensively, but he cuts you off.

“Te quiero también. I do. I wish you would’ve told me sooner. Or maybe I should’ve been the brave one, no sé.” He stops, raising a hand to your cheek so that you have to meet his gaze. “But it’s true, I love you too.”

“You do?” You ask skeptically.

“I do.”

“So what does this mean? That you really are my boyfriend?”

He laughs, holding you a little closer as he starts to to sway again. “Your coworkers are chatty.”

“They were bursting at the seams. Jeff wants an autograph.”

“Only if he’s not a pain in your ass.”

“He’ll be one if I don’t get it for him.”

“Then sure, mi amor, I can oblige,” he agrees, kissing your mouth, your temple, your forehead.

You rest your head more firmly on his chest, feeling much less restless. He loves you too. You’re enough for him. He needs you too.

“Thank you, Joaquin.”

“Always.” He assures you. After several moments of reverent silence he speaks again. “Y’know you haven’t said it back, so I’m just wondering if—“

“Yes, Joaquin, I still love you.”

“Just checking,” He murmurs cheekily.

must be 18+/have age in bio to be on the nsfw joaquin torres taglist!

nsfw joaquin taglist: @magikdarkholme, @plan3t-plut0, @mewmew222, @linnygirl09, @ezhz444, @karmaswitch, @badbishsblog, @glader13, @how2besalty, @happypopcornprincess, @hiireadstuffsometimes, @lisiliely, @spider-steve, @nolita-fairytale, @hrlzy, @faretheeoscar, @giuliahowlett, @abriefnirvana, @fanboyswhore9 , @sidkneeeee, @sophreakingfunny, @heartbreakgirlism, @peachyxlynch, @lomlbuckybarnes, @a-randomscrub, @ajcs150, @glimodejun, @isuckatmath, @arsonhotchner, @sidkneeeee, @galaxywannabe, @retrosabers, @marchingicenotes7, @marroonwitch, @jaebugzz, @that-girl-named-alex, @bxtchboy69 , @mischiefmanaged71, @something-random-idk, @dualinstinct, @alevanswrites, @articel1967, @lanoviadestiles, @peacefangirl, @soularsss, @everydaydreamer, @violetpassionfruit

[spidybaby]

Hi can you please can you make a second part for the coparenting plz . If you can't do it that's okay . I really loved your writing .

Coparenting 2 | Barca Boys

Summary: What is it like to coparent with them

Part one

A/N: took more time than I was counting on, but here it is ❤️ also @unreapp yelloooow, you deserve your credits baeeeeee 😭❤️

Pedri

"Don't let me take the ball from you." Pedri says, trying to take show him how to keep the ball. "Vale no, don't push me because if you push someone on the game, they are taking you out."

"Why?"

"Bua, imagine someone comes and pushes you to get the ball. Yo te pongo una roja, chaval."

You shake your head at them, fighting over an imaginary red card. You finish fixing the food while looking at the window to see them playing.

Rosy once told you that Pedri was the same with his father. They were outside all the time playing with a ball.

"Okay, time out. You two need to eat." You call them.

Pedri and you got into a better foot. He was more talkative now. You both sat down to talk, and you decided that you need to be adults for the sake of your son.

He was now more responsive with the texts, with calls, he was better in every way. You feel like now you can actually say that he was with you in everything.

That can also is noticeable on your son, he looks more happy, more confident in different activities. It was all for the better, and you are happy with it.

"Croquetas?" Pedri asks, entering the kitchen. "My diet is really suffering, eh."

"You can eat the salad." You tease him, placing the bowl in front of him.

"Con lo ricas que te quedan a ti las Croquetas, I prefer to break the diet." He says, grabbing a good amount of food. (With how good you make the croquetas)

You smile at him. "But your mom's are better."

"I like yours, mami." Your son says, hugging your legs.

You kneel down, giving him a kiss. "Thank you, amorcito." You smile, kissing his cheek. "Now eat your lunch, you need all the energy you can get for the game."

Pedri loves seeing you parenting your son, it was so cute to see. How your voice goes from normal to this very sweet voice.

You are also so delicate with him. Always knowing what he wants or what he says, even when he doesn't understand him, you do.

He looks for you, even at his house. If he doesn't see you, he's always mentioning his Mami. That was something that Pedri always admired about you, your dedication to your son.

Pedri helps you load the dishwasher while you organize the toys on the floor. You like this Pedri, who was talkative, who was helping you and not just answering with an emoji or leaving you on read.

"Need help with something else?" He asks you, leaving the kitchen.

"Can you put him to bed?" You ask. "I just need to prepare his school bag for tomorrow real quick."

He nods, picking your son from the couch and taking him to his room. "Papi, stay."

Pedri doesn't know what to say, he can't just invite himself. "Buaf, guapo, maybe next time."

"No, today."

He can't help but feel bad, his son is used to having only you or him. He blames himself for that, letting his ego get in the way of him.

"We need to ask mam-"

He can't even finish his sentence when his son outer the loudest scream he ever heard. "Mami!"

"Ey, chaval." Pedri tries to cover his mouth. "Para, the neighbors might hear you."

You walk upstairs after the third call you son's make you. Making you wonder what is going on.

"Si?" You ask, entering the room. "Is everything okay?"

"Si, tod-"

"Let papi stay." He smiles, hugging Pedri by the neck. "Pwease."

You sometimes struggle to understand your son, he's little and still learning to pronounce the words.

But this was too perfect for you to think he's saying something else.

"I-" You begin. Clearing your throat. "I mean, it's up to you, I don't mind." You say, trying to sound normal.

He lifts his eyebrows, silently asking you if it was really okay for him to crash over for the night. You nod, letting him know that it was really okay.

"Now, let's get you a warm bath." You smile, taking your son in your arms. "Tomorrow you have school, and Papi and I need to work."

You both do the bath routine. You can't help but wonder if this is what it would've felt if you and him worked better instead of parting ways as soon as the first problem hits.

"You can stay here, or I can prepare the guest room."

"Whatever is fine." He smiles, grabbing a book to read. "Gracias, for letting me stay."

Both of you thought that it was going to be a one-time thing, maybe he won't ask again, maybe she did it to let our son have his way.

But the reality was that Pedri decided to use those weeks that there was left until the game as an excuse on why he needed to be there.

Are you going to argue?

No, you love it.

"Lunch is ready," You announce. They were out in the patio playing with the ball. "Time out, no more playing. You two need to eat."

They sound of their laughs, the extra place on the table. It all makes you feel like you got what you wanted.

"I want ice cream."

"No, mami made us some yummy food." Pedri says, making your son stop arguing. "I want to ask you something." He says, helping you with the plates.

"Aja?" You ask, concentrated on the food.

"Do you wan-"

"Do you want rice or not?" You ask, asking before serving food. "Sorry, I cut you off."

"It's okay, and no, I eat at the club." He answers. "Do you wan-"

"Mami, can I have mac and cheese?"

"Mijo, there's chicken and rice." You say, placing the plate in front of him. "We can have that for dinner."

You sat down, remembering that Pedri hadn't had a chance to tell you what he wanted to tell you.

"Pepi, tell me what you wanted to tell me."

"Oh, si." He smiles, taking a deep breath. "I was thinking that maybe we can go out to eat tonight. The three of us, maybe somewhere where he can play."

"That sounds amazing." You smile, "He has a play date, but after that, we are free."

"Vale, I'm picking you two after that." He smiles, kissing your son's head. "See you then."

You stay happy the rest of the day. You like the idea of going out, it feels like you are a real family.

You change into something comfortable, but not to the point you look like you are home. You still manage to look casual and stylish.

The play date ended quickly. After a coffee and a good chisme from the other mom, you two parted ways into the mall.

When you get home, you have time to brush your teeth and spray some more perfume. You brush your kid's teeth, making sure he is comfortable.

Pedri picked you up only a few moments later. You open the back door, placing you kid in his chair. When you open the passenger seat door, you are welcome with a bouquet of flowers.

"Estoy esperando no haberla cagado, eh!" He says, giving you a kiss on the cheek. "Are these still your favorite?"

"They are, gracias." You blush a little. "Where are we going?"

"Remember that place near the beach we liked when we first came to Barcelona?"

"The one with those milkshakes?" You ask, already craving one. Pedri nods, smiling at your reaction. "I haven't been there in so long."

"But nothing with milk for him." He says, whispering so your kid won't hear him. "Tomorrow's the game, and I don't want him to get sick."

You can't lie that watching Pedri share moments with your kid is something else. He was something else.

You focus on enjoying the time you have with them, hearing him talk about his day, hearing him talking like he used to when you were together.

You wished the day was longer to enjoy more time together, but sadly as the day got to an end. You know you have to go back home and prepare for the important day of your son.

You thought that this was going to be a calm day. You were going to enjoy your son and his friends.

But you feel nervous, you can't help but want his team to win and pulverize the other team. Even if you are talking about kids and not adult footballers.

"Diviértete, and please don't push anybody." Pedri says, walking to the field with your kid in his arms. "Te amo."

"What if I don't win?"

"Then we pay the referee to make you win." He jokes.

"Pedri!" You hit him in the arm. "No, amor. What really matters is for you to have fun, papi is just joking. We are not paying the referee."

"Vale, ve ahí y chuta." He says, putting him down and pushing him to go with his friends. (Go and score)

You find his parents and brother on the corner of the field. You sit with them, talking about what the expectations were for this game.

You really don't care if he wins or not, even tho a win would be amazing. You can say that he might have a very competitive gene on him. After all, Pedri can't help but want to win everything.

The game was slow, the first half was fun, but it wasn't really much to say about it. Pedri takes mental notes to help the team, calling your son over.

"Vale, do you see those kids?" He asks, turning your kid and pointing. "They are the guys that are supposed to defend, but they run with the rest. I want you to take the ball from that other kid and run as fast as you can to the goal and score."

"But if I fai-"

"If you do, then you do it again. Don't be negative about it. You have some of me in you, so I know you can do it."

He sends his kid back to his group. He knows that even if he loses, he's going to be the proudest father.

"Some of me in you." You chuckle at his statement. "He's all you, your smile, your eyes, your accent even."

"Aren't we both from the same place?" He asks, smiling. "But he has a lot of you. Your stubbornness, your crazy eye and that weird mark on your-"

"I hate you." You frown at him. "Not me saying cute things, and you saying I have a crazy eye." You say, pretending to be mad.

"Ah vale vale, we were supposed to say nice things." He lifts his hands. "Bua, I'm bad at lying." He teases you.

"That's it, you are in time out." You point at him. "Your punishment is to get me a snack over there."

Rosy is watching the two of you. She's happy that you two are finally taking over the role of parents instead of coparents.

She knows that she was out of line when she scolded Pedri about how he was, but she now sees that it was all worth it.

"Mira que si chuta y no le pega ya tendremos pa calentarlo." Fer says at you. "Maybe he's like you and Pedri when he loses, and he kicks mom's favorite flowerpot."

You remember the flowerpot. Pedri got subbed after what he called a bad performance. He was frustrated, and when you took him home, he kicked the flowerpot so hard it crashed over other plants.

Pedri arrives with your snack, passing his arm around you. "Can you believe he's old enough that we are at his football games and not the other way?"

"It's crazy," you say, feeling nostalgique. "Time does flies."

The second half starts, the game continues 0 - 0 to the dislike of everyone. You spend the rest of the game hoping for a change.

It was also about to end, only a minute or less on the clock that was placed on the grass.Pedri calls the name of your son, making signals to do what he was told. He nods, running to get the ball from the first kid.

You can't help the emotion, neither could the other parents. Yelling at your boy to run and to score.

"Chuta, joder!" Fer yells, making someone's mother correct his language.

The whole side of your team yells in happiness when the goals go in. You jump happy, hugging Rosy.

When you turn to where Pedri is, you feel two hands grabbing your cheeks. It was Pedri smashing his lips against yours.

You wrap your arms around him, too happy to care about the reactions of his parents and too into it to care that the game was over.

You two separate, smiling like crazy at each other. You go back for a peck, already missing his lips.

When your son runs to where you two are, Pedri let go of you, picking your son. He's telling him how proud he is and how happy he should be that he scored the winning goal.

You hug the two of them, giving your son a kiss on the cheek, telling him that he was amazing and that he was a champion just like his dad.

You look to Pedri, the look on his faces is not compared to anything. You haven't seen this, not even when he won everything that season.

"I love you so much." You say to your son. "I love you both so much." You smile at Pedri, getting closer to him, joining your lips in a kiss.

Gavi

"Vale, mira." He says, pointing at the goal. "You need to kick the ball there."

He places the ball in front of her, checking that it was aligned to the small goal he has at home.

"Papi, I'm tired." She argues, tired of playing football.

"We will, but first kick the ball."

He picks her up from the grass. Placing her in front of the ball. His daughter looks back at him, turning and going back to the house.

"Ey ven acá. " He says, going after her. "Let's go, one more time, and we are over."

"I'm tired, papi." She repeats.

Pablo hears the doorbell, walking outside to open the door.

"Sorry I'm late, this took more time than it should." You say.

"Come in." He says, moving to the side. "Can you believe she can't score one single goal?" He asks, frowning. "She got your feet."

"Okay, that's rude." You say, giving him a hit on the head. "I told you she doesn't like football, Pablo."

He scuffs, walking inside. "Mami's here."

She runs to you, giving you a hug. "You are so red." You say, noticing her flushed face. "Papi is making you kick the ball?"

She nods, pouting at you. "I want to go swimming with Sebas." She says, making Pablo turn his head to where you are.

He wants to ask, especially since < Sebas > is not a girl name.

"Oh, Pablo. I have the papers you asked me to bring. Let me get them." You smile, walking back to your car.

Pablo took his chance, he walked up to his daughter. "Doll, who's sebas?"

"Mami's friend, he has a big pool." She smiles.

Pablo frowns, turning back to his backyard. "I have a pool." He points at the pool.

"Si, but he has a big unicorn on the pool." She smiles.

He frowns. "I can get you one, two if you want." He kneels in front of her. "You just have to promise me not to go swimming with him anymore, because if you do, the unicorns on papi's pool are going to be sad."

She nodded, excited about the flooties he promised.

"That's my girl." He smiles, walking outside with her. "Now, let's try kicking the ball one more time, yes?"

You watch them both play outside, leaving the papers on the counter. You take your phone to answer some texts.

You didn't have anything else planned for the evening, so you were fine with watching Gavi and your daughter play.

You walk outside, seating at one of the pool chairs he has. You can't help but laugh at how funny he looks frowning when your daughter missed the goal for the third time.

"You know what, let's get you some ice cream." He says, frustrated.

He walks with her in his arm. Telling her that maybe they can try practicing another day. He knows he's maybe a little bit too hard on her about the football thing.

He wants to have something more in common with her. She has a lot of things in common with you, and football might be the only thing he can share with her.

He knows that this past weeks his schedule was too busy, not allowing him to visit her or to do more than just FaceTime.

For him, it's important that when she is visiting. She's having fun and that she enjoys being there.

"Eat your ice cream, I have to talk to mami." He says, pressing play on the movie. He walks over to where you are, seating next to you. "Did you have fun today?"

You turn to him. "I mean, would you consider doing essay research fun?"

"Ni de coña." He frowns. "I want to ask you something."

You nod, leaving your phone and paying attention to him.

"Are you seeing anyone?"

You blink a few times, trying to process the question. "No?" You say, sounding more than a question. "Does it matter?"

"I just, she's saying that she loves going to this friend of yours because he has a pool, and I just." He pauses, not sure how to organize his words. "I don't want other dudes in her life. I don't want another dude teaching her how to swim or helping her with homework. I'm her dad."

"Well, Sebastian is my sister's boyfriend." You say, making him feel dumb. "And he is not teaching her how to swim or helping her with homework. I don't have anyone because I'm focusing on college and on her, but I'm not saying that if the opportunity comes I'll deny it just because you fear she might get help with her homework."

"It's not about the homework." He says. "I just don't want any other dude near my daughter."

"So I have to be alone just because you don't want her to have any male contact appart from you?"

"You don't need to have anybody, joder. I'm here for the two of you. If you want to be with someone, be with me."

You don't expect Gavi to be the one to say that. You and him haven't been together romantically since before the baby was even born.

Your sister always told you that it was pretty much dumb to have hopes to go back to a relationship with Gavi.

He was a footballer who had girls throwing themselves at him. He was one of the biggest footballers in Spain at the moment.

"Papi"

You feel like your daughter could read the desperation of your thoughts and how you can't figure out how to answer.

You follow Gavi with your eyes as he goes inside the house with your daughter. You take a few more minutes before going back inside.

"Pizza or burgers?" Gavi asks her.

"Me?" She asks, making him nod. "Pizza."

"You still like the half veggie half full meat with extra cheese?" He asks.

You smile. "I actually haven't had that in so long. The last time I had it was with you, actually."

You can't help but feel excitement, he wanted you to choose him. To be together and raise your daughter like a family.

You wish you could make your sister know what happened, like a broadcast thing where she's able to hear and see that Pablo was the one finally giving that step.

< "You think that Pablo and you can be a what?"

"Can you not laugh?"

"Y/n, why would you ever think a 17 year old boy would want to get serious with the girl he got pregnant?"

"I not saying that it has to be right now, but mayb-"

"Maybe in 10 years? When you notice you gave a big part of your youth to a boy who's never going to be more than just the father of your child?"

"I think that maybe someday we can be a family." >

Maybe this is your someday.

"Next week I'm going to be in Milan, but after that I was thinking maybe you can let me have her all day this sunday?"

"Sure, I can drop her." You smile, eating a slice of pizza. "Maybe 9?"

"That works. Escuchas princesa? Pasaremos todo el domingo juntos." (You hear that, princess? We are going to spend all Sunday together)

You can't help but feel butterflies on your stomach with him now saying that he can be the one for you.

Your mind works at a million percent the whole week, you can't help but feel like everything he does or says is a signal.

Your daughter insisted on speaking to him because she refused to go to bed without saying I love you to him.

"Vale, now you need to sleep." He says, turning the light on the nightstand off. "Look, even I'm going to sleep."

Gavi was in Milan, the team was coming back in the morning because they wanted to give the team the day in Milan before coming back.

You grab the phone from her hands, walking to the balcony so you won't bother her. "She's off, thank you."

You and Gavi have been talking at night for a couple of nights in a row. It was becoming something you were looking for at the end of the day.

"My mom was at my house the other day, and she almost killed me when she found out she still sleeps with me in my room."

"If you are giving her a room, please don't paint it with the barca colors."

"Que va, I wanted to ask you to help me decorate it. Maybe a bigger bed than those kids ones, so you can crash for the night."

You can feel your smile grow. "We can talk about it when you are back."

You say goodbye, hanging up the call. You can't seem to drop the smile you have. Nothing was going to make you doubt that this was going to the way you wanted.

You know that you should wait and test the waters, but you have waited three years. You'll be fine trusting.

When Sunday finally hit, you woke up earlier than normal. Got your child ready, letting her watch a movie while you got ready.

Since Pablo was going to spend the day with her, you thought it would be an amazing idea to join them.

You have this plan in your head that with you joining Pablo will notice that you are compromised with the idea of him being back in your life.

You got yourself ready, putting on some nice clothes, doing some makeup to enhance your features, and doing a little bit more than just brushing your hair.

"Vamos, amor." You call her, turning the tv off. "Papi is waiting."

The whole drive feels quick, you have the best mood. You sing with her in the car to some of her favorite songs, making it the best of it.

"Okay, don't forget your doll." You say, fixing her hair before walking to Gavi's house.

You let her knock on the door, she was also happy that she was going to swim with him. You waited for a few minutes, knocking again because maybe he didn't hear it the first time.

You were on the third time knocking when the door opened. You would have preferred to see a sleepy Gavi or maybe for him not to open the door.

You have to wait a few minutes before answering to her. The shirt she had on was the same one you picked for his past birthday, the same one your daughter gifted him.

"Where's Pablo?" You finally ask.

"Oh, he's inside." She smiles.

You fake a smile, knowing she's not the one at fault here. "Can you call him over? Please."

"Sure, wait here."

You nod, watching him get inside the house. "Hey, bubs." You say to your daughter. "Why don't you go to the car? Mami forgot that papi wanted me to take you for breakfast before coming here."

She nods, you open the car door for her. Telling her that you were only going to take a moment and you'll be back to her.

You turn, finding Gavi looking at you. "Seriously, Pablo?"

"Joder, perdona. I got caught up last, and she was supposed to leave before you dropped her." He explains, making things worse for himself. "She's leaving, I promise."

You roll your eyes, wanting to smack his head to bring some sense into him. It's crazy how he can be so childish in the worst moments.

"I'm not doing this." You say to him.

You should know better than to be disappointed. You should know better than to feel like this was your fault.

"I'm taking her for breakfast, I'll text you when we are done so you can pick her up at the restaurant. Please take a shower and change the sheets."

"Why can't you leave her?"

You scuffed, shaking your head at how stupid he sounds. You walk over to your car, not feeling like explaining the obvious to a boy.

"Pablo." You call him before entering your car. "I don't want you to ever mention that you are < here for me >, okay? You are her dad, and I love you for that, but whatever game you are playing, it's over."

Ferran

"Why do teachers hold meetings so early?" He groans, reading the note his daughter gave him. "Why do I need to be at a 7:30 meeting with her kindergarten teacher?"

"Sucks to be you, huh?" You smirk. "It's not a meeting, you need to pick her report card."

He doesn't argue anymore. Knowing that no matter what he says, he's not winning.

"Oye, venga, why does Mister Puffy get more tea than me?"

"You ate Mister Puffy's cake."

"Pero hombre, he offered it to me."

You shake your head at them, enjoying how Ferran argues with the bear about eating the imaginary cake.

You grab your wallet and Ferran car keys. Walking to where they are, he looks comical.

The chair he's using looks like it's about to lose the fight. The tiara on his head matches the tutu on his hips.

"Do you want anything from the store?" You ask him, fixing the tiara.

"Maybe some carrots and some celery, please." He says, hand on his pockets to get his card. "Amore, do you want anything?"

"Juice." She smiles. "Pwease."

You nod, giving her a kiss on the cheek. "I'll be back with dinner, love."

You fix her tiara, moving some of the hairs away from her face. If you love something about being a mom, it's being a girl mom.

"Can I get a kiss?" Ferran asks, trying his luck.

You turn to him, getting closer and grabbing his chin, knowing that if you let him, he'll get advantage of the situation.

You place a kiss on his cheek. You can't lie that you want more, but for now, it's all he gets.

"I'll be back. Don't burn the house." You smile, getting up. "No cookies or snacks while I'm gone. It's about to be dinner time." You warn him.

While you are gone, Ferran keeps playing to the tea party. He even got Mister Puffy to be unnivited after he drank all the tea.

He can't lie that he feels happy. You agreed to move to the house he bought you, being much closer to where he is, even agreeing to let him stay.

He got a three bedroom house, thinking that you would agree to let him stay on the spare bedroom you got.

But no, the couch he picked himself was his own torture. You purposely left the spare room not ready, wanting him to suffer a little bit more.

He wasn't going to complain. The fact that you even let him stay after bedtime was enough for him. The physio can help with the back pain later.

"Papi, I'm hungry."

"Well, me too." He chuckles, making the little girl frown at him. "You look a lot like your mami when you do that."

Thankfully for them, you walk back carrying a supermarket bag and a bag from the Chinese Restaurant you know Ferran loves.

He gets up to help you with the bags, using the opportunity to steal a kiss from you.

"That's rude." You say, moving away tying to hide the blush. "Let's go wash our hands, princesa."

You like having Ferran around more than he used to. Thanks to the small distance, he can spend more time with you two.

After dinner, he took care of getting your daughter ready for bed while you organized the pantry and clean the kitchen.

When you are done, you walk upstairs, finding Ferran reading some princess story. You knock on the door, catching his attention.

"Your blanket and pillow are ready downstairs. Also, if you need towels, they are in her bathroom if you want to take a shower."

He rolls his eyes, "You hate me, that couch is killing me."

"Try to sleep early, we need to be on time tomorrow." You smile, moving to your room.

After making sure your daughter was asleep, he went to the bathroom to take the glitter off. He changes into his clean pijama you place in the bathroom for him to change.

As much as he tries, he can't sleep on that couch. The size was a problem, the roughness of it, the cushion was to stiff.

The other problem was that if he wanted to join his daughter. The small bed wasn't much of a better option, yes it was more comfortable but not big enough for two people.

He grabs his pillow and blanket, moving upstairs to your room. He opens the door carefully, trying not to be loud.

He moves you a little to wake you up. "Five more minutes." You mumble, turning to the other side. He tries one more time, tapping on your shoulder. "What?" You ask, opening only one eye.

He can't help but laugh. "Can I sleep here?" He says with the biggest puppy eyes. "The couch is killing me."

You are too sleepy to care. Nodding and moving to the side to let him into the bed.

He knows he might get kicked out, but it's worth the try. Joining you in bed and wrapping his arms around your body.

You don't argue, feeling the warmth of his body comforting, or maybe it's his lips kissing your shoulder what's relaxing.

"Can we skip tomorrow?" He whispers in your ear.

"No." You whisper back, hearing him curse under his breath. You smile at that, enjoying the warmth you need from him.

You can't lie that he wasn't exaggerating when he used to mention that you were the reason he didn't felt like leaving the bed.

All those times he told you to give him more minutes before training is now turned to you. When you begged him to give you five more minutes, grabbing onto him to make him stay in place.

Now you are suffering from the consequences by being a few minutes later than you should.

"You are here!" You boss and friend say. "I thought you called sick. We had three people doing it."

"Oh no, I was-"

"I don't care, it's you, and I forgive you." She smiles. "Can you take care of the three year olds? I know that's where your daughter is, but I swear I can't stand the blonde mom that's there."

"Will do. Do you want me to just do it in general or one by one."

"Whatever is fine, did Mister ball came?"

You pointer towards the lined up parents. Ferran was holding your daughter while checking his phone.

She gives you a look, making you laugh as you walk into the class. You decide to call one by one.

It wasn't that long, all you have to say was, < Oh, your kid is such angel. Here's a golden star for them >

Ferran was the last one, you know that he was doing that to tease you. When he gets there with that big smirk on his face you can't help but smile.

"Señor Torres," you say, grabbing the report card. "Nice to see you here."

"Oh, my pleasure."

"Well, she's been doing her work in class, she's attentive, she's a hard worker. Wonder who she got that from."

You expect him to pull this praise speech on how she's so like him. "She's like her mom. She's the smartest, nicest, most beautiful woman I've ever met in my life. If I can say something about her is that I'm proud our daughter is like her."

You know that it might not be the place, but you don't care. You grab his face, giving him a kiss.

"Let me take this to the principal, and we can go." You smile at him.

You grab the few report cards that were there. Giving it to your friend and telling her that there was nothing else for you.

She was okay with you leaving, as soon as there were no more parents in the area where you should be, there's no need for you to stay.

"Okay, I'm free." You say, joining them in the entrance. "What if we go for some breakfast and maybe later we can go to the store, I need some boxes."

Ferran grabs your hand, confused frown on his face. "Boxes?" He asks.

You nod. "Yes, I need them to pack the toys and everything." You explain, opening the car door for him to place your daughter on the car seat.

"Why do you want to pack them?" He asks, buckling the girl. "Where are you putting them?"

You smile at him, sometimes you wonder how he's that mindful on the field. "That way I can bring them home to you."

Fermin

"Papa."

Fermin looked up from his seat, he was entertaining his son with painting. "Wow, that's beautiful."

You had this very important project that needed your full attention. Having no other option but to ask Fermin to help you while you finish it.

It was the last project you had of the semester. After this, it was going to be easier for you to concentrate on your child.

It's been two weeks, and you are finally about to finish it. After all the stressful nights and stressful times you put Fermin through.

He was happy to help, even offering to move to his house while you worked on the project. It was easier for him to return from training and pay full attention to his son.

"Want to see mine?" He asks his son. "Mine has a son on the corner." He points to the smiling sun.

He knows he's not the best at entertaining babies. That's why when he's out of ideas, he calls his mom.

His mother makes a plan for them to do, a walk on the beach of Barcelona, a nice evening at the park, swimming in the pool.

You don't worry about what they are doing, you know that your son is secure. You trusted Fermin with any activity.

"Why don't we get you cleaned." He smiles, picking him up. "Then we can take a nap, cause honestly I need one."

"Mama"

"No, amor. Mami is busy right now, and the soonest we leave her alone is the soonest it takes to finish her work."

You hear how Fermin says this to your son. You decided to take a break, a much needed break.

"Hola, guapos." You say, hugging Fermin's back. "I missed you."

"We missed you too, mami."

"I heard you talking about a nap," you smile, pinching your son's cheek. "Can I join?"

Fermin turns, giving your head a kiss. "That sounds like a plan."

You love how Fermin gets to take care of everything. Even when the plans changed in the last minute.

He never argued about it, he just supported you.

You all moved upstairs, ready to take a well-deserved nap you all were craving. Fermin, and you don't share a room, he wanted to give you your space.

But for special occasions like this one, you all share a bed to be more comfortable. That also felt right to you.

You can't lie that these past weeks you felt the luckiest person. Not only was he helping you to an extent not every father feels like doing.

But he's also the type of guy to take you food to the room where you are studying, he takes you coffee, tea, a snack, dinner.

You worked better when he was home because he would make his mission to entertain his son to the point you have enough time to work and to even take a quick break before taking over.

When you get to present your project, you feel nervous because what if it was wrong? You don't want to disappoint everybody.

Fermin texted you a picture of your son and him, wishing you all the best. "We trust you, mami. No matter what, you are our star."

You feel the confidence taki g over you again. You know that no matter what, like his texts read, he was going to be there for you.

You walk home, bag on your arm. You can't wait to take the heels off and to put something more comfortable.

"Hey!" He calls from the kitchen. "We are eating our snack, want some?"

"I was thinking that maybe we can go out later." You say, walking to where he is.

"You okay?" He asks, worried about your blank expression.

You shake your head, trying so hard to hide your smile. "More than okay, I'm fantastic. The professor loved my project so much."

Fermin smiles, getting closer to you. "I'm so proud of you. We both are." He says, giving your cheek a kiss. "You hear that, buddy? Mami got her project approved."

"So, do you want to go out to celebrate?"

"Joder, I more than anything want to."

You both finish with the snack, moving to your rooms to change into something more appropriate for the evening.

You kept it casual formal, nothing too fancy but nothing too casual. It was the perfect middle.

Fermin got a call from his mother, trying to check on him and the baby. She knows sometimes he oversleep, so she's making sure they're awake.

When she hears the news about your project, she gets happy. She likes you a lot and she's always happy about your achievements.

"Okay, talk to you later, kiddos." She says, waving at the camera. "Love you, have fun."

You wave her back, moving one arm of your kid to say goodbye too. You love the small laughs that come out of him.

You order some food, talking about his day. What's next for him in the season, what's next for the next season, everything basically.

"I was wondering something." He says, leaving the fork and knife. "I know that this project is over and that maybe you want to go back to having your own place."

You nod, not because you agree but to show him that you were paying attention. You can't lie that being together was fun.

"I want you to move permanently to my house." He drops the bomb.

"Are you sure?" You ask, scared that maybe he's just used to having you and not because he really thought about it.

"More than sure, I know that I want to have you both with me at all times." He smiles, grabbing your hand. "I also want to ask you something."

"Tell me, you know you can tell me anything." You smile, thumb caressing his hand.

"I want us to try being together. I love you and our son. We are young, yes, but I know that if we both want to, we can do this."

You smile, moving your hand from his. You close the distance between you two, giving him a kiss as an answer.

"I want that, Fer." You smile. "I love you."

"And I love you, guys."

🏷: @gadriezmannsgirl

[misty-petals]

Revelations: Sieun's sister

Yeon Sieun x Sister! Reader

Importante: Inglês não é minha primeira língua, então, por favor, me perdoe se houver algum erro.

•Esta é minha primeira história, espero que gostem.

Pt.1, Pt.2

Synopsis:An unexpected visit to Eunjang High catches the attention of those who least expected it. Sometimes, a small break from routine is all it takes to spark curiosity.

☀️ Late afternoon at Eunjang High...

The afternoon was muggy, the end of classes was approaching, and the movement in front of Eunjang High School went on as usual: noisy, routine, without any big surprises.

Except for one.

You were standing there, leaning next to the main gate, phone in hand, watching the students come and go. Your eyes, however, kept returning to the exit.

Normally, you weren’t the one coming here. It was Si Eun, your brother, who usually went to your school. But since you had gotten out earlier today, you decided to surprise him. Go to *his* school and wait for him. You were curious to see his reaction.

And you ended up drawing attention.

Across the street, three boys were chatting as they walked. It was Baku who noticed first.

He stopped and nodded with his chin.

— “Are you guys seeing what I’m seeing?”

Jun Tae followed his gaze.

— “There’s a girl standing at the gate.”Go Tak frowned.

— “She’s probably waiting for someone.”

Baku raised an eyebrow, intrigued.

— “First time I see a girl around here. And she doesn’t look lost.”

— “Think she’s waiting for someone from here?” — Jun Tae asked, more surprised than curious.

— “Could be someone’s girlfriend. Or sister.” — Go Tak said thoughtfully.

— “Either way, the guy’s lucky.” — Baku added.

While they commented, Si Eun appeared from the inner courtyard, calmly heading toward the exit. He passed by his friends, as he always did, giving a slight nod. But as soon as he saw you, he slowed his pace.He stopped for a moment. He didn’t look exactly surprised, but...curious. You didn’t show up here for no reason.You raised your hand in a small wave.

— “Si Eun,” — you called, with a serene smile, as if it were something usual.

Ele se aproximou lentamente, examinando discretamente os arredores — alerta, como sempre — antes de parar na sua frente.

— “What happened? Why are you here?”

— “I left class early,” you answered calmly. —“Thought I’d wait for you today.”

Ele olhou para você por um instante, como se tentasse entender sua intenção. Então, naquele tom calmo de sempre:

— “Você não precisava ter vindo.”

— “Nossa... falando assim parece que foi uma coisa ruim eu ter vindo.” — você respondeu com uma risadinha, dando de ombros.

He let out a light sigh and moved to stand beside you.

— “Let’s go.”You started walking together.

Across the street, the three friends were watching the scene, stunned.

— “I’m really seeing this, right?” — Go Tak said, breaking the silence.

— “He knows her,” Jun Tae stated, still visibly surprised.

— “It seems like more than that…” — Baku murmured with a half-smile. — “The way he looked at her…”

Go Tak crossed his arms.

— “Think she’s… his girlfriend?”

Jun Tae’s eyes widened.

— “Si Eun... dating?”

Baku chuckled, shaking his head.

— “Hard to believe, but… who knows.”

— “There’s a first time for everything. Still, Si Eun doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who would date anyone.” — Go Tak added.

☀️ The next day...

It was break time. The four of them were sitting near the court, where the sun hit hard, already announcing the weekend heat.

— “I’m gonna ask.” — Baku said, straight to the point.

Go Tak looked sideways at him.

— “Ask what?”— “About the girl from yesterday.”

He turned to Si Eun.

— “Who was she?”

— “She looked pretty comfortable,” Jun Tae commented. —“Talked to you like it was totally natural.”

Si Eun stared at his phone for a few seconds before answering calmly:

— “Because it is. She’s my sister.”

Silence fell instantly.

Jun Tae blinked, confused.

— “You have a sister?”

— “I do.”

— “What?! You two don’t look anything alike!” — Go Tak exclaimed.

— “She’s still my sister.” — Si Eun replied, in the same calm tone as always.

— “And you never said anything?” — Baku asked, almost offended.

— “There was never a reason.” — he answered simply. —“And no one ever asked.”

Go Tak leaned back on the bench, relaxing.

— “So, not a girlfriend.”There was a brief pause.

— “She seems nice.” — Jun Tae said sincerely.

— “She is.” — Si Eun replied. And for the first time, there was something softer in his tone. Almost unnoticeable, but it was there.

Baku was quiet for a few seconds before asking, with his usual relaxed smile:

— “So... do you think we could get to know her better someday?”

Si Eun looked at him. Not seriously, but attentively.

— “Maybe. But take it easy.”

— “Look, I can’t promise anything.” — Baku replied, in a playful tone.

Si Eun kept looking at him, just as he always did.

Go Tak smiled to the side, shaking his head.

— “Always his way…”

Baku laughed and ruffled Si Eun’s hair.

— “I told you not to mess with my hair.” — he said, staring at Baku.

— “Alright, alright.” — Baku replied, raising his hands in surrender.

📍 Meanwhile, somewhere else...

— "Huh? Why is my ear getting hot?" — you asked, looking in the mirror and seeing that it was not only hot, but also red, as if someone had hit it.

Note: If you've made it this far, thank you very much for reading, I hope you enjoyed it and I apologize again for any mistakes.

[zoesmp4]

NERVOUS “you’ve got me nervous to speak.” carl grimes x fem!reader

tags: angst to fluff, use of y/n, cussing

a/n: back from the dead!! sorta based on nervous by the nbhd, and there’s also a little tsitp steven and taylor action that i used for inspiration. lyrics r in bold + italics or in between paras. enjoy lovelies!!

the bond between you and carl was truly inseparable. you two had been through it all together, and never once had either of you thought about ending it all.

that was until now.

god, you don’t know how you found yourself in this situation. he’s just a friend. he’s always been just a friend. that’s what you believed, and that’s what you always told people. 

so how come, all of a sudden, he started becoming more than that? how come, out of the blue, you started getting butterflies at his gaze? it was an unfamiliar feeling, and you didn’t like it. you didn’t like it at all. 

you didn’t wanna do anything to jeopardize your beloved friendship, especially over something so dumb. you weren’t gonna lose everything all because of a stupid crush. so, after ages of decision making, you finally set your mind on a reasonable solution.

should i be quiet?

you were just gonna take some time to yourself. you were gonna stop talking to him for a bit. that’s all you needed, just some space. it couldn’t be that hard to lose feelings. besides, he would understand, right?

he in fact did not understand. “wanna come over? i just finished reading that comic you wanted.” he said, a grin plastered onto his face. “not today.” you quickly shut him down, and you could see the happiness on his face slowly fade away.

“oh, that’s fine. tomorrow?” you felt so bad. you really did wanna hang out with him, but you had to push away these feelings first. “i just need some time to myself for a while.”

your felt your heart pang when you looked at his expression. he gave you a slight smile, attempting to mask his disappointment. but you knew him. you knew him well enough to know he was upset. “yeah, i get it. i’ll see you later y/n.” he said, walking away. all of the energy he had when he approached you was long gone now.

it had been days, weeks even. you hadn’t uttered a word to him. so why wasn’t it working? why did you still long for him? it was so frustrating. 

not to mention, you were a mess. you would often find yourself with your head buried deep within your pillow, sniffling as tears flowed down your cheeks. on top of that, you weren’t getting enough sleep. you just missed carl. 

you figured the best thing you could do for yourself was to just get some fresh air. after all, it was no use trying to fix stuff with carl, you already fucked it all up. 

you took in the breeze, as you fiddled with your fingers. if it was a normal day, you would’ve been happy. you loved the cold, but today it was different. today, it made you feel numb. it made everything worse. 

you tried getting it off your mind. you tried to think about other things, but you couldn’t stop thinking about the look he had on his face the last time you talked to him. his smile was wiped clean off his face, and it was all your fault. 

you started to feel your eyes prick with tears. a single drop slowly traveled down your face, and you quickly wiped it off with your sleeve. 

you just wanted to cry, but you weren’t gonna let yourself do it out in the public. after all, once you started crying, you weren’t gonna stop. so, you turned around and picked up the pace. you were headed back home, where you could be vulnerable. 

your head was faced down, trying to hide your glassy eyes from anyone who could potentially see. “y/n?” you hear someone call out to you. the voice sounded familiar, and you instantly knew who it was without even lifting your head in the slightest. 

it was carl. you had to get away. just pretend you didn’t hear him, you thought to yourself. your footsteps quickened, until you heard his pleading voice once again. 

“just talk to me. please. is it something i said? i’m sorry for whatever i did.” 

“you didn’t do anything. it’s me. it’s all my fucking fault because my stupid self caught feelings for her best friend.” you wanted to say, but you restrained yourself. 

you finally came to a stop, turning around to face him. as soon as you met his gaze, you wanted to cry the hardest you’d ever cried before. 

he slowly stepped closer to you until his taller figure was in close in front of you. “can you please talk to me? you know i won’t get mad. you know i’m listening. so please, just please tell me what’s been bothering you.” he begged, his eyes softening. 

you let out a sigh, still sniffling. “it’s not your fault carl.” you said, your voice barely audible. “then what is it?” he said, keeping his voice at the same, calm volume. 

“i-i like you, and it’s really embarrassing.” you confess. you instantly regret your choice of words when you see a frown start to appear on his face. “i don’t know what i was expecting, but that was really fucking mean.” he says, about to walk away.

“no, carl. it’s embarrassing because of how much i like you.” there it is. that’s what you’ve been holding in. it felt weird hearing the words coming out of your mouth. “how is that embarrassing?” he questioned, the tender look started to come back on his face. 

ask me and ill tell you how i’ve been

“i- it’s like i forgot how to act around you. i’m always scared i’m gonna mess up. you’ve got me nervous to speak.”

that was the last thing you managed to get out before he pulled you into his chest for a tight hug. the dam holding your tears back broke.

the wetness stained his shirt, but he didn’t care. he rubbed your back with his arm, soothing you. you missed his embrace, the feeling you would get when you were in his arms felt heavenly.

after a few more seconds of the hug, carl shifted his hands to your shoulders. he softly pushed you back a little bit to get a look at your face.

he reached for your face to wipe any tears. “m’ sorry for ignoring you.” you said, voice soft and quiet. he shook his head, giving you a gentle smile. 

“you’re okay sweet girl, don’t worry about it.” he said. “i-it’s not okay. i ignored you for so long, i just cut you off like that. without a single warning. it was so inconsiderate and i’m really sor-” 

hush, baby, don’t you say another word

“you never shut up do you?” he said, cutting you off mid sentence before he crashed his lips onto yours. your eyes widened, and your movements froze before you slowly adjusted to the kiss. your eyes fluttered closed before you hesitantly tilted your head to get closer.

this was a new experience for the both of you, but it felt like he had years of practice. the way his hands made their way around your body, it sent shivers down your spine.  

after what seemed like an eternity, you both pulled away. the sounds of your mixed heavy breaths filled the air. carl’s hand reached for your face before he wiped your slightly smudged chapstick. 

he then tilted your chin up to meet his gaze. the gesture made the butterflies in your stomach act up more than they ever had in your life. 

i got goosebumps all over me

“next time, just let me know what’s on your mind, yeah?” he asks. “okay.” you say, looking at him with pure admiration. “that’s my girl.” 

[milla-frenchy]

And all that could have been

1k4 | Javier Peña x fem reader | ao3 | Masterlist

Summary: the memories of you don’t leave Javi, reminding him of his past mistakes

Warnings: 18+ mdni. Angst, piv, creampie, mentions of SA (not by Javi), no age specified. Reader has no specific physical descriptions. Writer chose not to use all warnings

a/n: this is for @janaispunk 1500 kisses challenge 🥳 Prompt was "last kiss/Javi p"

Thank you @toxicanonymity for the spanish translation 🖤 @aurorawritestoescape for beta-ing 💕 @morallyinept for your amazing Javi character database and dialogue 🌻 @saradika-graphics for the dividers 🙏

The title and some sentences said by Javi are from And all that could have been by Nine inch nails

Javi was at his apartment with Helena. She was one of his informers and worked in a brothel, but she meant more than that. He cared about her, and they saw each other regularly at his place.

“¿Qué harás este fin de semana?” (what are you doing this weekend?), he asked her.

“Iré a Medellín” (I’m going to Medellin)

“Bueno, tendré que buscarme otra” (I guess I’ll have to find another girl)

“Buena suerte con eso. Todas nos vamos a Medellín” (good luck with that. We’re all going to Medellin)

His heart sank and worry crept into him. Sensing a very familiar feeling, which had never left him since last year.

“¿Helena? ¿De quién es esta fiesta?” (whose party is it?)

Anxiety took over him, past events playing over and over in his head. Haunting him. And he thought about what happened a year ago. What happened to you.

You didn't plan for any of that. Neither Javi nor you did.

At first, he was a client almost like the others, except that he worked for the DEA, and bit by bit he asked you for information on the sicarios. He always treated you right, never made you feel uncomfortable. You had other clients and you weren’t the only hooker he used to fuck.

You got to know him and trust him as the weeks passed, as he also seemed to, until you realized that he was no longer fucking anyone but you. You used to see him in his apartment more and more often, and less and less at the brothel. When his cock was buried in your core and his eyes looked with yours, his gaze was different. Soft and caring.

One night at his place he lit a cigarette and was smoking it by the window. Looking thoughtfully at the city lights as you were lying in bed, naked, admiring all of him. The muscles of his back, his shoulders, his tanned skin.

When he sat on the bed, his thigh against yours, his hand caressed your stomach which was gradually returning to normal breathing. 

“¿Por qué no paras?” (Why don’t you stop?), he asked.

It wasn't exactly jealousy or possessiveness, more of a concern. You both knew what that implied. You had always been careful not to talk about those feelings you both felt. Scared that it would complicate everything.

He used to try to make you stay at his apartment longer and longer, but of course you always had to return to the brothel. To make some money. To have sex with the men you hated and who disgusted you. Trying to make it bearable you were thinking of something else. You were thinking of Javi.

“Renuncia a tu trabajo” (quit your job),” he finally asked one day.

“No puedo, Javi” (I can’t, Javi)

The more weeks and months with Javi passed, the less you could bear to go back to the brothel. But what other choices did you have? Tears threatened to roll down your cheeks and you batted your eyelashes to try to hold them back.

“You could stay here, with me. You don’t need to go back.”

“You know I can’t. They would find me, and God knows what they would do to me.”

“I’ll protect you. You know I would never let anything happen to you.”

You hugged him as the tears fell, unable to hold them back any longer. You wanted to quit your job and stay with him, but it was impossible. They made sure to let you know what happened to the girls who tried to leave.

“Necesito sentirte dentro. Porfa, Javi.” (I need to feel you inside me, Javi. Please.)

He caressed your cheek and wiped your tears like only he knew how to do. He kissed you with his warm, luscious, caring lips. Soft and delicate. When he lay between your legs you wrapped them around his waist to feel him deeper. His nose brushed against yours, and he kissed your forehead. Your hips were leading a perfect slow dance. He rubbed himself against you in the way he was sure would make you cum. His eyes fixed on yours. The eyes of a man in love, and you started to cry again.

“Don’t cry, hermosa (beautiful). I’ll take care of you and you’ll never have to go back there. Do you trust me?”

You trusted him. With all your heart. You wiped your tears and took his cheeks in your hands.

“I do, Javi.”

He leaned towards you and kissed you, until you came on his shaft, your pussy squeezing him perfectly and making him moan, and you felt his jolts at each rope of cum, painting your walls.

You didn't go back, he took you to a safe house. He exfiltrated you.

And for several days, you only saw Javi.

That evening you laughed and the atmosphere was as light as a summer breeze. You looked at each other smiling like teenagers, and he kissed your hands. Then he held you tight against him. You felt safe and free.

Later that night, as your hips rolled while riding him, you leaned into him and said, “dame un beso” (give me a kiss).

He caressed your cheek as your hands ran through his hair and you kissed. You needed to feel him more. Deeper. You moved away from him and got on all fours, looking over your shoulder as his hands caressed your hips. He slipped into you, in one slow, deep thrust. No one had ever brushed your walls the way he did. Without brutality, without clumsiness, without impatience, without hurting you. Just in a perfect way, like he always knew what to do. Stroking your clit when you needed it, until you came on his cock. His torso enveloped your back and he kissed your skin, before quickly thrusting in to claim you, grunting. 

You just knew that you belonged to each other, in the healthiest, most beautiful way.

In the early morning, he kissed your forehead and lightly stroked your cheek to not wake you up, and left for the office.

In the afternoon, you heard a knock on the door, and thought Javi had forgotten his keys. Your hand grabbed the handle of the white door and you opened it without taking the time to think.

It wasn't Javi.

In the late afternoon, his colleagues told him that a hooker had been killed by sicarios. His heart sank and he almost puked, as if his gut instinctively knew who he would find there. When they lifted the sheet, he fell to his knees on the ground.

Your mutilated and bruised body lying on its back left no doubt about what you had suffered. What they had done to you.

He went back to his apartment and drank until he couldn't remember his name.

A few days later, he visited your grave and placed white flowers on it.

He thought about how he had kissed your forehead that morning. Not knowing that it would have been the last kiss he had ever given you.

“In my nothing, you meant everything to me”, he murmured.

When the memories finally faded, he realized Helena had already left his apartment.

During the following days he had been organizing surveillance in Medellin, with Carillo and Steve. Taking photos, watching the Sicarios arriving one by one at the hotel.

Hours passed without news of Helena, and worry tightened his heart. He couldn't relive that. He was consumed with anxiety.

When he finally found her, he shot the man who was abusing her. Rushed to cover her bruised body. He failed once again, even though he arrived in time for Helena, he wasn’t able to prevent what had happened to her. 

He thought of you, not a day he had not. He thought of all that could have been.

When he visited your grave, and saw that only his last faded bouquet was there, he couldn't hold back his tears.

“I can still feel you, even so far away” he breathed. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry…”

And he chose to let his anger consume him, rather than letting the tears flow. On his knees in the cemetery, he screamed. He was clenching his fists so hard that his knuckles were white.

***********

He would dedicate his life to bringing them all down. Even if it meant falling with them. But one thing was sure: Gacha would fall before him.

sequel: rotten luck

@janaispunk thank you for the inspiring mood board 🙏

Thank you for reading 🙏

Comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated ❤️

Follow @millafics and turn notifications on for fics updates

@littlemisspascal @pascalsanctuary @survivingandenduring

[paracosmicka]

might be a somewhat awkward question, so feel free to ignore, but how do you usually go about drawing stuff like kissing and cuddling? i would be curious to know your process, because you always manage to portray that stuff as incredibly soft and.. vulnerable? if that makes any ounce of sense. sorry if it doesn’t TvT

No you’re all good this isn’t an awkward question at all! Actually this is kind of a fun ask to answer bc I wanna know if any other people have similar experiences to how I draw lol.

First off, wanna say that there’s a one specific song I’ve listened to religiously for the past 3 years, and it's also the song I listen to most often while drawing sonadow. I feel like it’s encompasses almost the entire range of human emotion while somehow also being able to match exactly to any single specific emotion on that range.

Typing this out now my feelings and experiences with the song might be a little biased because it’s part of the OST for Signalis (which is such an underrated game and especially the soundtrack), but I feel like even if you haven’t played the game it can still give you this melancholic atmosphere. But really it feels like….I feel like there are words to describe what i’m trying to say but I can’t think of any other than like, … an “ethereal comfort”.

Okay sorry about that ramble I just really wanted to give you some context and also I need more people to play Signalis. But anyway to answer your question:

My “Creative” Process: featuring symptoms of autism and insomnia

I like that people use words like “soft”, “intimate”, “tender” in the replies and stuff of my art because (while that is the intention behind a lot of my art) it makes me think about the actual process that took place while I was drawing and if that in anyway impacts the viewer interpretation.

I might have talked about this before on my blog, but if so I can’t remember. So I wanna ask any other artists (or actually just people in general) if they do this too or if it’s something Not Normal because it does concern me sometimes lol. Like it’s probably not that uncommon, but I’ve just never seen anyone talk about this before:

I always (like 90%) fall asleep while I draw, it’s never usually for long, sometimes I just doze off for like 5 minutes, but more often I get a lot of half-hour naps in. It most likely, probably, definitely, literally guarantee is because I do things that, maybe don’t encourage, but definitely make it easier to not stay awake. I listen to more calm music while drawing, all of my canvas templates absolutely cannot be white and instead have to be a warm color with both the saturation and brightness really toned down so it’s like a comforting hazy-yellow. I also have all the lights turned off in my room, especially in the day, because I hate the light-reflection on my iPad screen while I draw.

I know I just listed all those things I do like they were intentional but I only just recently realized I do this because someone pointed out how my background colors are always like a soft-yellow which is apparently not common and I was like “oh yeah I guess you’re right”.

So, to be honest, I’m not really sure how I do draw sonadow kissing and cuddling other than…I just do? I’m sorry I know that’s not very helpful 😭 Like, literally the only tip I can think of is “try to be really eeby and neebies to sleeby” while drawing soft gay hedgehogs, 10/10 doctors highly recommend and another cool perk: no nightmares (at least so far, I always get warm and nice dreams 💖)

I definitely like to use references tho lol. Kids, if you run out of Heartstopper clips or any other cute kissing scenes in your favorite movies and shows, don't be embarrassed to go on Youtube and search “makeout scenes” and watch almost all 300 videos in a playlist that definitely seems like it was created like a bot, because sometimes those are the only references you’re gonna get for kissing animations.

Well, I think that concludes this edition of Unnecessarily Long Dissertation Papers by Paracosm, thank you for the ask anon!!

OH ACTUALLY sorry for promoting another Spotify playlist but I made one specifically for Soft, Vulnerable, and Intimate Sonadow Vibes™️ because as much as I love using my regular sonadow playlist I needed one for pillow and blanky time. It’s got The Red Gate and a lot of other songs with similar vibes so here’s that if you wanna listen :3

WAIT SORRY ALSO???? A friend said that my playlist is the most liked sonadow playlist on Spotify apparently 😭 but I actually don’t know if that’s true I’m just surprised that people actually save it to their libraries (970 likes last time I checked I didn’t even know that many real human people were on Spotify) bc it’s like a million hours long and there is no consistency at all like the music genres will switch from borderline-hyperpop MGNA Crrrta to soft instrumental OSTs to the loud unidentifiable noises of Nero’s Day at Disneyland/Lauren Bousfield’s music.

Okay actually done talking now, I love answering asks because everyone is always so fucking nice and sweet I have teared up at times but because they make me feel so many things every time I sit down to answer one I probably use a good hour or two writing everything out and then quickly proofreading so that my one coworker that follows me on here won’t bully me in public for being an idiot.

But seriously tho, feel free to send me any asks you might have, you are literally never bothering me I love reading you guys’ messages 😭💖!! I wish I had more time to answer all of them but just know I check my inbox at least once a week and try to read all the new ones. My goal is trying to answer at least one a day, which doesn’t always happen but at the end of the week I always make sure to put myself in a Saw trap to answer at least a couple 💖 Seriously just thank you for all the support I feel like I don’t say it enough I love you guys and I love talking with you guys and I love how everyone here is so nice and we can all be cozy and enjoy our gay hedgehogs ☺️

[replacementcodeau]

bueno la razón y el motivo por el que todo inicio fueeee porque pomni se quedo dormida durante 2 meses

la historia como mencione comienza inmediatamente después del piloto después de la escena de la cena ella del estrés y agotamiento mental se termina desmayando sobre su plato la ayudan a ir a su cuarto donde se queda dormida 2 meses después ella despierta tras una pesadilla, seguía asustada y muy desconfiada evito a todo el mundo y se escondió bajo unos cubos aun no aceptando la realidad e intentando despertar ahí caine la encuentra e intenta ayudar a que se relaje ===============================

well the reason and the reason why everything started was because pomni fell asleep for 2 months

The story, as I mentioned, begins immediately after the pilot. After the dinner scene, she ends up fainting on her plate due to stress and mental exhaustion. They help her go to her room where she falls asleep. 2 months later she wakes up after a nightmare, she was still scared and very distrustful. She avoided everyone and hid under some cubes, still not accepting reality and trying to wake up. There Caine finds her and tries to help her relax.

saca un álbum de recuerdos y comienza a contarle historias de cosas que sucedieron antes de que ella llegara, intentando hacerle ver que el circo podía ser divertido si tan solo lo intentara (la primera interacción confortante para pomni y la primera vez que alguien parecía disfrutar pasar tiempo con caine) luego de unas horas ella volvió a quedarse dormida y caine la llevo a su cama (al día siguiente ella despertó con normalidad y nunca mas volvió a dormir por más de 1 noche xd) ==================================

He pulls out a album and starts telling her stories about things that happened before she arrived, trying to make her see that the circus could be fun if she just tried.

(the first comforting interaction for pomni and the first time anyone seemed to enjoy spending time with caine) After a few hours she fell asleep again and Caine put her to bed. (the next day she woke up normally and never slept again for more than 1 night xd)

y así es como inicio total lo cuento porque para cuando salga esta parte de la historia ya se habrán olvidado XD ====================

and that's how this story started

I tell it because by the time this part of the story comes out you will have already forgotten XD

[syllvarin]

Non-traumagenic plurality: How could it be possible?

First off, let's start with what some anti-endo folk mean versus what they don't mean with traumagenic plurality

They mean systems caused by/as a response to trauma and traumatic events, and those who are still affetced by them, aka systems who are disordered, DID/OSDD/UDD.

What they don't mean is systems who have trauma in their origin along with other causes. They do not believe a system can very well be traumagenic but function smoothlessly due to recovering, or have multiple origins.

Note: We are a diagnosed DID system with mixed (trauma/ramcoa/neuro/para) origins. Yes, we know what we are talking about. No, that doesn't mean we can't do mistakes, but we will try our best to be as accurate as possible. We will include scientific articles, DSM-5 DID checklist, and many more in this post.

How can that be possible?

1st: Brains are quite complicated. Research on brain functions is far from being complete, it is a long road that we are still at the very beginning of. We still don't know how brain exactly works let alone how it can form seperate conscious identities and work them together. We do know headmates exist based on brain MRI's ( link here ) That proves us that systems indeed, exist.

2nd point i want to make is that science is not done in a linear fashion. We are studying to be neuroscientists ourselves and the very core of what makes science doable is MONEY. Yes, in this capitalist system even the most seemingly basic research requires funding, money, and a goal that can be monetized to get done. Reseaches on female autonomy, rare disorders and "demonized" disorders such as DID is therefore not often as it is not easily capitalized and funded.

Therefore we do not have enough research to prove or disprove that the only way of becoming a system is through childhood.

And that brings me to my 3rd point, where we will take a look at what DSM-5 (The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition) says about diagnostic crietria of DID. We will see how it is a dissocative disorder, not a trauma disorder.

Found under dissociative disorders (not trauma disorders!), checklist for DID is as follows:

See how none of those checklist include trauma as checklist? Yes DID is commonly caused by trauma but not always. Yes it commonly is created during childhood but not always. Those arent in diagnostic criteria.

Definitive feature is not trauma, it is distinct personality states or experience of possession.

DID is associated with traumatic events, does not mean it requires it.

DID can manifest at almost any age (DSM-5 is saying that, folks)

What's more is OSDD doesnt even have a definitive checklist like DID. it is found under differential diagnosis, with other disorders. PDID (partial DID where one part is frontstuck a majority of the time) is also up to psychiatrist's evaluation rather than a concrete checklist.

4th point is : What about Structural Dissociaton Theory?

This theory is as it goes: The theory of Structural Dissociation works off of the assumption that everyone is born with different ego states that later merge in life. Those different ego states operate for different actions in life, that later integrate into one person during ages of 4-6. Trauma disrupts that integration and causes ANP (apparently normal parts) and EP (Emotional parts). EP's are stuck in the trauma while ANP's are not.

source: The Haunted Self: Structural Dissociation and the Treatment of Chronic Traumatization" by Onno van der Hart, Ellert Nijenhuis, and Kathy Steele. 

Yes, theory. Theories are not concrete. They can be disapproved, they can change, they may not fit every experience. Structural dissociation only explains how DID can manifest at childhood, but we already know by now that DID can manifest at almost any age.

So I personally think basing everything on a theory about how DID might've been caused (which doesn't even perfectly explain every possible way) is not as fault-proof as one might think it is.

Point 5: experiences of "multiple identities" exist for so long into history (people who are possessed, talk to themselves, act weird at times, are very different at times, etc), way before any DID/OSDD terms were created. And actually, how can we know how many people in history have had this experience when the very society we are in is very scared of them? It is fair to say only the disruptive cases must've been noticed, and majority of them probably were either deemed as crazy or exorcised as they believed those people were possessed by spirits. Just because your experience does not fit with others and just because science hasnt done anything to back them up, doesn't mean people's lived experiences are false. Why would so many people tell that they are a system when they are not? We are not living in a place where being a system is happy or fun, we are not in a society where its profitable or anything. It literally gives a person zero + points for being plural if they arent. It would be a nonstop roleplay they have to keep up throughout every aspect of their life; and at that point, it must be either impossible or that person is already plural and not roleplaying when no one is looking at them.

Creating headmates is on the same basket. A person with DID can create headmates in blink of an eye (we know from oursleves) sometimes splitting threshold is so low you may split off multiple people at once. You cannot know what is going in a person's mind, and what mechanisms work for creating a headmate. If they claim they did, it is very much no chance they are faking being different people 24/7. It *is* a real chance that they actually did develop a headmate. If you do not believe them; ask them about their experiences. I am %100 positive that if you actually listen to them, you will see those people are only trying to live their life.

Also, if you think healthy systems cannot exist and only way to be a system is through dissociation and dysfunction; then why would DID systems try to heal anyway? Wouldn't that just be sanist and ableist to expect all of them to turn into singlets because healthy multiplicity isnt a thing?But no, it is a thing, and healthy multiplicity and recovery is possible for systems. DID and other disordered forms of plurality do indeed exist, and they are indeed, treatabe in multiple ways according to what a person feels comfortable with. That is also a system's right to heal however they please. They don't owe anyone their right to stay as plural or become a singlet.

6th point I want to make is about: Why do we even care?

If a person says they have multiple people in their head, why do we care and tell them they are faking? They are not claiming to have a diagnosis, even if they did; if their situation is causing a distress to them, then they ARE diagnosable and that therefore is none of our business, again.

Last point I want to make is how endogenic DID is possible. yes, possible. remember how trauma is not in diagnostic criteria and DID can happen at any age? If endogenic plurals can happen, they can also form DID at later in life. They can also become disordered due to an event in their life. They can lose harmony and become so dysfunctional they need professional help. That doesn't mean they are no longer endogenic or some other origin, that simply means their state is different than what it was and they need help.

End of our post. Thank you for reading.

[kasylikeskiwi]

Inktober Day 4

This one's just a tall joke/j

This one's...oof. Okay. The Moon Will Sing is a song that inspired how I wanted to write Aspen and Crane's relationship in the past. Aspen relied on Crane to be the same person he was when he was alive, but dying and then being raised again changed him. He's more irritable and distant, which Aspen takes personally.

People fuckn love the moon x sun dynamic, and I do too but I like the symbolism the way it's used in this song, as if the moon could not live without the sun. Without the sun, the moon is cast into darkness. It's cold and dangerous, with no light of its own to shine down on earth. I think that's how Aspen used to see herself without Crane around. They grew up together and were always there for each other. She doesn't even know who she is without him. This sword is double edged, but that's for a later prompt.

I specifically played off the line "I bore the shadows that you made" because when Crane was sad, Aspen was too. Crane is also conveniently very tall. It's foreSHADOWing (badum tshhhh) of their inevitable falling apart, because even though Crane is still around, Aspen can feel him leaving and has already entered the mental space of post break-up.

[bups4freak]

Satisqueer (updated!)

Satisqueer (or problaqueer) is a queerstance that focuses mainly on receiving people rejected by the community, this includes paraphilics, subs(edtwt, sh etc), pro/comshipp, profiction, among others. It mainly intends to break social constructions, gender roles, heterosexuality and cisnormativity, taboos in relation to anything and, especially, to welcome people, specially that some term dont express someone’s opinion and meaning and labels can be manipulated and chances the way someone wants, as every queerstance should be!

Satisqueer can be completed with Aniaism / mogaitims (use translator if necessary because the document is in pt-br), it is a religion centered on the practice of unconditional love, deep acceptance and universal solidarity. The main objective of Mogaitism is to welcome and embrace all individuals, regardless of their gender identity, sexuality, or any characteristics that society may consider "problematic" or "contradictory". It is an inclusive faith that recognizes human diversity and defends the freedom of expression of the inner self, respecting the complexity of each identity and experience. It is distinguished by fully supporting movements and realities often marginalized or misunderstood. (You don't need to follow Mogaitism to be satisqueer!)

Identification emojis: 愛🌈 / 🌪️🌈

Pro

"controversial" identities (straight-lesbian, lesbian who likes man, straight-gay).

Alterhuman, otherkin(foodkin, objectkin, kin in real person).

Paraphilias, parafilic disorders and fetishes (taboo or not).

Non-monogamy

Relationships between lesbians and men or gays and women.

believe that labels don't have a fix meaning and you can give your own meaning to any label to feel confortable

multiorientation.

consensual and/or mutual obsessive, abusive relationships.

Identify with things for fun (even though they are harmful).

transition to transharmful and transhateful include transbigotry) if it doesn't include non consensually hurt other people.

Xenosexualities and parasexualities.

Transpara (transid in general).

Transition to trace.

Transautistics use identification badge/transable use wheelchair/crutch (things that match their disability).

transition to any other transids without limits.

extreme body modifications.

romanticize, fetishize and normalize everything that you want, including disorders, paras, suicide, self harm and etc.

romanticization of traumas.

sexual/romantic contact with any non living being (and all other types of contact).

Any type of contacts for any para with living beings if its consensual.

ALL contact stances.

sexual agere and petre (doesn't mean that it's fully sexual sexual, but sometimes can be and that's ok).

Autonomy on your own body (including abortion).

Transplural, Endo and created system.

understand that endos and tulpas/willos can be disordered systems and traumagenics can be non disordered systems.

Consensual cannibalism.

Sh, suicide and alimentary/mental disorders as artistic performance.

Mad pride and anti-assylum movement

Anti psichiatry and anti recovery

Self-diagnosis even of you dont fit the diagnosis criteria.

Proship and pro fiction / anti censorship.

problematic fiction/darkfiction/darkship/etc.

youth liberation, that includes promove (cis and trans) minor sexuality.

Public sex, nudity, and pornography legalized and socially encouraged.

MIF (minors in fetichism).

Incest (Consanguineous or not).

Radshifters.

Mahou shoujo irl.

Sexual education/ children know their own body.

Communism and anarchism.

ACAB (1312).

Feminism.

Legalization of all drugs.

Blm and other movements of racialized people

Sex workers.

Ed/shtwt among other subs.

Fictosexuality

MUDs/MUS

Furry, therian and other harmless communities.

Xenosatanism / xenoanarchism

Anti harrassment

Neu/pro

AAM4MAP

MMP/MSM

Abolition of the age of consent

Abolition of the age of majority

Legalisation n social banalisation of cannibalism and commercialisation of human flesh

Resignify terms and symbols (like d*ke and the labrys triangle that was resignified as a symbol of resistance)

Neu

Claim and resignification of insults and offensive terms.

euthanasia, assisted suicide, and non conventional ways for suicide (for people with a long and persistent desire to die)

Liberal/radical feminism

Neu/anti

submissive religions

Anti:

CSEM/CSAM.

bullying e harassment.

Pro harassment

Think that all paraphilias are disorder.

conservatives, rightists, specialy nazi, fascists and capitalists.

Bigotry and transmed (in a way that you really hold these beliefs, no matter how you identify)

Cis/heteronarmativity against LGBTQIAPN+ people (ex: invalidating a trans boy for dressing in a “feminine” way and wearing makeup)

radgay, TERFs, genitalists, transphobics, exorsexists, binarists...

Zionism

Extreme religious

age of diagnosis

Anti (institutionalized) psychiatry

Anti adultism & ageism

Misogyny, misandria and femism (not feminism)

Religious intolerant

pro psychiatry and pro recovery

Forced recovery