#everything in life is just a mess rn
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Crazy how i’m not being kissed hard enough to forget everyone who has ever hurt me rn
#wlw#wlw mood#sapphic#sapphism#lesbian#ughhhhhhh#so many things i wish i could get out of my head lately#even for just like a second#sometimes life is just a constant mantra of ‘things will get better eventually’ ad infinum#for over ten years#it is not eventually yet and i hate it so so much#STOP letting me think about my feelings on no sleep it sucks#a relationship would NOT fix me#but god sometimes i want to try it anyway#ignore meeeee#im a mess rn#going THROUGH it#with NO kissing too!!#honestly a rude addition on top of everything else smh#im gay and i like sleeping
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APWH preview snippet!
Since I'm actively trying to work on getting the next few chapters out, I thought I'd share a little future scene with some hints of Jonsa with all you lovely people! This bit is from like, a few chapters in the future bc it's the in-between that's giving me fits right now :) (Fair warning: this is unedited and subject to change! That being said, it's such a fun scene that I can't imagine ever nixing it :D)
“Does he even know that they have to avoid the press?”
“For the last time-“ Sam sighed, sounding completely exasperated, “Dickon knows what they can and can’t do- he’s got enough practice not being photographed from when our dad was the secretary. Not to mention spending time around you when that exposé on your crazy grandfather came out two years ago.”
“I just-“ Jon sighed, blowing a stray curl out of his face. “You didn’t see how freaked out she was when the press caught us at that performance in White Harbor. I thought she was going to have a full-blown panic attack.”
He was immediately derailed by Gilly plopping little Sam down in his lap and shoving a bottle into his hands.
“What’s this all about?” he raised a brow, adjusting the baby on his lap, allowing him to latch onto the cuff of his flannel shirt and start gnawing at the fabric. “You going somewhere?”
Gilly shot him a withering look, but he saw the amusement in her eyes.
“I-“ she gestured, imperiously, “Have not had time by myself to shower all week-“
“Sorry, love.” Sam winced, looking up from his pile of paperwork. “I can take a break from these-“
“Not your fault, Sam.” she waved him off. “You warned me about this conference at the beginning of the summer.” a grin played at the corners of her mouth. “Besides, it works out well- Jon needs a distraction right now from the fact that Sansa’s on a date with your extremely hot and conventionally attractive brother.”
“Hey!” Sam looked wounded, and Gilly rolled her eyes, pressing a kiss to his forehead.
“You know you’re my favorite Tarly.” she wrinkled her nose. “How long have you been working on this presentation? You smell like the baby spit up on you.”
“Guess I’m next in line for showers.” Sam said, mournfully. “Unless-“
“Nope- I need my own time right now, Samwell. Did you even hear what I said about why Jon’s bent out of shape?”
Jon had known Gilly since Sam and she had met up north while the two of them were in college. Sometimes, it was hard to reconcile the timid, scared girl she had been with the woman who was currently devoting all of her remaining energy to busting his balls.
“Don’t tell me you’re worried about Sansa with my brother.” Sam snorted, shotgunning another cup of coffee next to him the way Jon was used to seeing undergrads do with jaeger shots. “I mean, this is Dickon we’re talking about. Used to bring wounded animals home to take care of them Dickon? The same guy who cried when we had movie night and Gilly and Rhae wanted to go see ‘Love, Simon’?” He shook his head. “Look, as far as guys she could be out on a date with right now go, Dickon’s kind of the best case scenario. She’ll have a nice time, and he’ll be a perfect gentleman.”
Jon blinked at him, silently turning to look up at Gilly, who rolled her eyes and sighed.
“You’re hopeless, sweetie.” she kissed him on the forehead again, wrinkling her nose. “He’s not worried that things will go wrong- he’s worried they’ll go a little too well.”
“You’ve been spending way too much time around my sister.” Jon muttered, narrowly avoiding little Sam’s grasping reach for his glasses, managing to get the baby to latch onto the bottle before he destroyed any more of Jon’s eyewear. “You even sounded like her just then.”
Sam blinked for a second, his head whipping between Jon and Gilly.“You’re jealous?” He asked, incredulously. “Of Dickon? Wait- you like Sansa?”
“Got there in the end.” Gilly sighed, affectionately patting him on the shoulder before going to shower, leaving Jon and Sam behind with four cups of coffee, one baby, and approximately five brain cells total between the two of them.
“You like her.” Sam repeated, like it was a giant revelation.
“What are we- in middle school?” Jon hissed, immediately turning his head down to smile and make faces at little Sam while he fed him, before glaring up at big Sam again. “I don’t- I mean-“
Sam was just shaking his head.“Of course you do.” he laughed. “Should have guessed- red hair and a damsel in distress? You were doomed from the outset.”
“Shut up.” Jon muttered, flushing. “It’s not like that.”
“Then why are you worrying about Dickon for fu-“ Sam glanced nervously at the baby, “-god’s sake? When Gill was meeting my family for the first time, I remember you told her not to worry- that my brother was ‘one of the best guys you know’ and ‘practically a golden retriever’.”
Jon could tell that Sam, who could not raise one eyebrow without the other, was desperately trying to do just that.
“I don’t know.” He muttered, moving little Sam to his shoulder to start burping him. “Look- I’m attracted to her, alright? It’s a fu- er, a giant disaster that I’m gonna ignore for the rest of my life.”
“Seriously?”
“Stop trying to do that with your eyebrows.” Jon complained. “It’s giving me motion sickness. And yes, seriously. I’m not even going to consider that- it’s just a stupid crush. Besides,” he sighed, rubbing little Sam’s back comfortingly, “Robb’s already dealing with enough right now with this whole Sansa situation- can’t imagine telling him I think his sister’s attractive while he’s being forced to suddenly confront all of his guilt and self loathing every time he looks at her.”
“That whole bro code thing of never dating your friend’s sisters never really made sense to me.” Sam shook his head, gulping down more coffee. “I mean, I’d be thrilled if you decided to date Talla, because I know you’d be good to her.”
“Yeah, don't think she'd quite go for that, mate.” Jon snorted, standing to bounce little Sam around gently. He was just grateful Sam hadn’t said anything else about Robb.
“Eh, wouldn’t count you out completely.” Sam shrugged, smirking. “With that hair, you’re pretty enough to be a girl- maybe that’d be enough for her.”
“You are so lucky i’m holding the baby.” Jon muttered, still bouncing little Sam, who picked that moment to spit up spectacularly down Jon’s back.
“Well, that’s three of us who’re gonna need showers now.” Sam grinned, looking thrilled as all get out that it hadn’t been him. “Wow- his aim is getting better.”
“I’m going to remind him of this when he’s a sulky teenager.” Jon grumbled, wiping spit-up off his shoulder as best he could. “Look- no gossiping with Rhae about this, please. She thinks she’s such a good clandestine agent that she doesn’t always realize that Robb is better at sniffing out her plots than she thinks.”
“Alright-“ Sam sighed, looking back down at the massive stack of paperwork in front of him. “I make no promises for Gill, though.”
“Gilly could give some of my Uncle’s colleagues at the WIA a run for their money when it comes to withstanding interrogation.” Jon snorted.
“Probably true.”
“Where did your brother take Sansa?” Still holding onto a now much happier baby with one hand, he reached down the other to take a gulp of his own coffee.
“He said something about going out towards the Tyrell Estate.” Sam shrugged. “They probably drove out there to see the gardens- he’s said it’s a good road to take his bike out on.”
Jon promptly spat out his entire sip of coffee, staining the front of his shirt as well as the back, and frightening little Sam enough that he started to cry.
“He took her on his motorcycle?”
Gilly picked that moment to reappear, completely clean and with wet hair, blinking at the scene in front of her.
Sam, who couldn’t seem to stop laughing, was desperately trying to calm down the baby, who had started wailing, while Jon’s entire front was covered in coffee and his entire back was covered in baby vomit. Not that he seemed to notice, as his face was white and he was making a series of angry looking hand gestures at her husband.
“I really can’t leave you three alone for five minutes, can I?” she sighed. “Do I even want to know?”
#my writing#my wips#writing wips#just APWH things#jonsa#fanfiction wip#God bless Gilly like for real#YES Sansa is on a date with someone else here#muscleman golden retriever McAttractiveness#Aka dickon tarly#unsurprisingly jon is not having a great time about it!#in fairness to sansa the plotline directly preceding this and kicking off her doing some traveling was pretty rough on her#so our poor girl really deserves a giant muscley golden retriever with a motorcycle#and to just have a good time with someone who isn't wrapped up in all the stark drama/disaster/mess etc.#jon can deal with it rn bc it's really a 'you snooze you lose' kind of situation#sam's usually quicker on the draw but he's very sleep deprived here#and working on some stuff for a pathology conference#not at all going to be relevant nope no sir#writing sam and jon interacting vs jon and robb is so fascinating#they're both jon's besties but there's a very different dynamic to the two relationships#in fairness Robb has like SO much complex childhood trauma and is kind of seriously going through it right now#but his scenes with jon always have this sort of darker edge to them#like an 'i've known you my entire life and know everything about you for better or worse' type deal- deeper but darker#it's more akin to a sibling relationship? but also not? they are both going thru it#my headcanon is that anytime jon starts getting too gloomy and angsty gilly just straight up shoves the baby at him#and then waits like twenty minutes#Gilly: 'it's free babysitting!'#generally it works pretty well#jon's like '404 error does not compute' as soon as sam says the word 'motorcycle'#also when sam says 'the secretary' he means randyll tarly was the secretary of defense
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girlbossed too hard.... unless...
#like a lot of stuff about kh. one thing being its sprawling plot. love it all fitting together like that#anyway wanted to write a story like that. here i am with my ocs. and now im worried ive made it too confusing#1. maybe it's just because I haven't finished fixing plot holes? 2. maybe it's bc im not telling it in the right order? (random comics)#3. maybe it's because I assume ppl know more than they probably remember? 4. maybe im bad at explaining it?#anyway I talk to ppl about it and they're like ???? about things so now im like hm. i done messed up#problem is. it all makes perfect sense in my head#nomura is this how you felt? is this just the consequences of my actions??#anyway rip me. doomed to pain and suffering since the days of my youth#wanna get better at talking and expressing things but ACK. so hard!!!!#august rambles#text#you may be thinking huh?? you're expressing something rn. and yes. you see. my disease is so annoying. it is not consistent#sometimes I think about it enough i think about ways to talk about it. sometimes I think about it enough and it soaks into my life so...#someone else goes 'hey whats that?' and i go 'oh tiny info about it' as if secretly the person knew everything else because uh#i thought about it so hard. it must be common knowledge??? i don't know things other people don't??#anyway screaming crying i feel like I'm not expressing this right. doomed.
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/7fb9194b0c7a2c755991b6b47349d258/ba6f0f52559efb3f-be/s640x960/fe967d24a6f7923070e17477b1a26428118d8a8d.jpg)
(click for better resolution, etc.)
#adamandi#ambrose wellington bassford#infer as you will i suppose. wanted to draw a statue ambrose but accidentally painted it because smth smth blending fits him#again. main things taken from lyrics of the actual show ++ this definition i checked with google because i didn't remember it off the top#of my head. but Thoughts indeed#sfgdhhdf ok hello i am back today has been a Day (not very good) (oh well) (small mercies) ...#did not expect the melliot to find this so quickly but since i guess the Official Tumblr has reblogged it i'll just edit this one.#as opposed to reuploading. o//o#i painted it at 2am on impulse and have very little recollection of the whole event -? and then in a fit of pique added words and posted it#it is Very different from the original draft. i'd like to maybe do that one justice someday... anyways something something sometimes#a piece of art you make organically Evolves of its own volition... anyways.#maybe i'm projecting but recently (tuesday?) i found out something Important i had in the works Collapsed in the kiln#kaboom. ah the perils of ceramics. anyway thanks to the messed up 3d of everything i'm working on rn (the pros and cons of visual art subj#is that you get to make art for a grade) and. ceramics and sculpture and classics etcetera. <blinks> wow i really latched on to art aspects.#but nevertheless! ambrose brainrot real. iirc my thoughts were smth like. most strongly. that contrapposto? based on my school art history#was that it evolved from the very neutral rigid ancient greek sculptures of people which were all about Mathematical Symmetry. because#the main thing about contrapposto was that it reflected irl people more... more life-like? so it's very ironic to me#that Alive ambrose went and tried to turn himself into a statue. with part of the draw being contrapposto.. like?????#ah yes you like this sculpture because it's lifelike. and you'd rather be a sculpture than alive huh. the contrasts are !! in my head#also maybe i just.. wanted to paint... idk i had ambrose on the brain yesterday and it was something about sculptural messed up perfection#fun fact!!! the skin and hair i all greyed out to look like marble. fun fact number two: he has no eyes in this. like no pupils :3#fun fact number 3 (irrelevant) marble statues are only common wrt ancient greece bc the romans iirc came along and repurposed the bronzes.#because apparently bronze was a Hot Commodity at the time. and in return to preserve the art they made marble replicas. so most marble#ancient greek statues are apparently copies and the originals had totally different aesthetics#fun fact number 4: the background is a very greyed out image of my broken ceramics.. i wanted something nice to come out of it at least#fun fact number 5: i wanted to make him crack. like shattered ceramic or smth. that was the original idea. but instead it went to the pretty#sculpture route... kinda wanna make the messed up one though!!#fun fact number 6! because of Art Studio i'm covered in white paint and like it doesn't come off so it's been on my fingers and arms and#basically everywhere. so flesh turning into white stuff aes is fascinating i wanna explore... fun fact no.7.. i have accidentally maybe#began using screenshots as drawing practice. idk what to do with this info. if anything nice turns up ig i'll post it maybe
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....
#id rlly like someone 10-20 yrs older than me to tell me that at some point this *gestures vaguely at life* gets easier#because rn it is very overwhelming and im soso tired of everything i do being Big Decision#i just. hnnggggg oughh arrgghhhh#why must everything feel like it has potentially life ruining stakes and must be navigated very carefully to not mess up everything forever#(im catastrophzing rn and i know it i just need to get it out of my system)
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the speed with which my father can turn a discussion into an opportunity to shout should be studied tbh
#i say one thing in minor disagreement with a terrible plan that would be very difficult for me to handle#considering past circumstances#the look on his face as he stood up and walked to the kitchen made my heart drop tbh#i forget how much he scares me until i say something he doesn't want to hear#then he's turning around and shouting#claiming i said something i didn't#gettig angry with an opinion i don't have#i left so it wouldn't get worse#and he called ME dramatic#this ventpost is leaving out so much detail i'm trying very hard to be calm and not phone my mum to get me LMAO#i have that option now but i can't use it or there's a chance he won't let me back#so i've got to stay in this house of tension you could cut with a knife#waiting for when he'll explode at me again because he's decided that today i'm the one to blame for the state of things#i put up with so much over the past 2 days for him. and i can't even calmly tell him that something he wants to do#will upset me#in his mind it's his convenience >>>> mental state of his child#only reason i'm not doing bad stuff rn is because i'm finally aware that it's not my fault#and it never has been#will just have to put up with this until he estranges himself or he's gone#made loving you a blood sport etcetera#he's 2 different people sometimes#i love him so much#and then he turns into everything that's messed me up for life
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Ooooookay so not sure im gonna keep going to walmart to get my groceries unless absolutely necessary cuz the one closest to my house is awful
Its fucking massive. The app tells you the wrong aisles for everything. And there were way too many fucking people. Not a fan.
#also experienced some culture shock going into a gas station and the cashiers being behind bullet proof glass#theres also like. armed guards at the smaller grocery stores#walmart did not have guards#by the time i got to the gas station from walmart my brain was so fried i couldnt register that there was a keypad on the pump#i normally pay inside anyway but i didnt really feel like talking to anyone after walmart#but then i put my card in and it was like “enter your pin or hit enter to continue”#and for the life of me i could not find the damn keypad#so i went inside anyway#and then once i started putting gas in my car THEN i saw the keypad#which i probably looked directly at before but ugh#I FORGOT TO GET GRANOLA BARS AGAIN#AHHHHH#im so tired#im so glad my job requires very little mental energy#cuz i dont know that i have the bandwidth for anything else this week#and its only monday#but i can handle work#work is easy#i mean the project im working on rn is annoying but its not HARD#the boxes are just messy as fuck and it takes awhile to sort through#like fucking hell why you gotta just shove the papers in and get them all bent out of shape#this is a mess#also me and my mom apparently both wanted toaster waffles today cuz we both bought them on our respective shopping trips#so we're stocked up for awhile lol#same kind same size box and everything lol
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yesterday at 29.5 years old I watched as many videos as I could find from my high school marching band, choir, and theater run crew days and realized I barely have any memories of my junior year of high school (13-14 years ago btw) other than feeling bad™️
#i know i was bullied by people i considered friends and theyre all super christians now which is so discordant with who i am lol#it was def a lonely year but i also like forgot the marching band show (it was p cool)#i literally cried my eyes out when i found the 2011 marching band vids#i was like there's little lost baby me and just wanted to hug her#and say itll be okay youre gonna go through things good and bad that you cant even imagine rn#also looking back im like wow most people were in choir OR band OR run crew#very very few ppl were in all of them and possibly nobody else was in all of those when i was?#i found a kid i guess 8 years younger than me who posted all his jazz band and choir and theater vids from my hs#and thats the only other person i can think of that genuinely got involved in all of those things#being a jack of all the performing arts and master of none was lonely tho#i didnt quite fit into any of the cliques bc i was half in half out of everything#its so insane how much i changed when i got to college (two weeks/14 days after my hs grad bc summer session...)#and that change was not instant#i was a swirly mess figuring out who i was for the first two years of college#i mean life is just a swirly mess of figuring out who you are#but like i got to college and realized i barely actually resonated with anything i was doing#and let go of and then relearned to love things like choral singing and playing flute#choral singing in college was so much better than high school bc it was for fun for everyone instead of the choral girls whole personality..#also the 'best' singers from my high school mostly aren't even in music today or doing any singing outside of karaoke...#at least i wrote a whole ass ep last year???#and ive written much more music that i havent released#idk rambling tags make it sound like the identity struggle never ends but dissociating and forgetting portions of ur life doesnt help lol#t#okay bye
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#like i definitely have to hide my meds#because if my mother knows#she will actively try and fuck around with things and stop me taking them#like#she's hidden my waterbottle books snacks all sorts of things from my room she just comes in and takes it#because she has to be right#she's so controlling and always has to have things go her way#so she does this kinda stuff to mess with me and fuck around#literally today#like its the 3rd time shes taken my waterbottle and hidden it#whatever her intentions are it doesn't matter rn its her actions that do#and her actions are really shitty and affecting me really badly!#so unsurprisingly im very done with putting up with a ton of bullshit#like she justifies the waterbottle thing with well its plastic#but like ffs like i do not drink water if i cannot see it#why tf are you making it harder#and like#to that she says i should jsut suck it up?#why fucking make life harder then expect me to cope when lifes already hard#make it easier and stop being a puritan#same kinda thing applies to like to do lists etc#she says i cant put things down i should remember them#before used to shame me for having things noted down#before i started hiding everything away neatly
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I just learned this evening that my best friend is moving to a different city for a long while 😭. We’ve known each other since we were 4, we went everywhere together, we did everything together. She has been the one constant throughout my life. Already things are going to change a lot this year & the thought of going through this alone, without her… i will cry. She is going away & believe me, i AM happy for her (this is a GREAT opportunity for her to grow & gain new experiences. staying away might be good for her mental health actually) but yet the same time… i’m so so terrified
#FUCK#i’m so sad & i CAN’T help but feel like she’ll forget me. or worse what if we drift apart which is SO FUCKING STUPID she’s my best friend in#the whole world & we have withstood everything life has thrown at us & we are close even when we are apart but#christ i’m a mess rn#i’ll be alright eventually i know this. i KNOW this is just my fears and anxiety fucking w my head but god i can’t let these STUPID#intrusive thoughts win. I WONT#rant#tbd
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Benny: Thanks for not giving up on me, brother.
Dean: Don't give me a reason to.
(im going to throw up)
#DONT GIVE ME A REASON TO. DONT GIVE ME A REASON#'benny's the only one who has never let me down'#HE DOESN'T EVEN GET THE CHANCE TO HUH#BENNY IS DEAN'S MANIC PIXIE DREAM VAMPIRE WHO NEVER DISAGREES WITH HIM OR DOES THE WRONG THING#its sooo. its so pointed. its. this whole parallel sam to benny is so. im think i hauve covid#dean constantly hammering in to sam's head that He Failed. He Failed. He Let Him Down. He Failed. He Broke Everything Between Them.#and benny. benny. oh my god.#don't give me a reason to...#oh to live in the alternate reality where benny does fuck up and fucks up bad#what does dean do then. if his vampire friend was put up against the wall by hunger or a hunter#if he had to lash out. even if he didn't want to. is dean gonna stand by him then?#or does benny go join the long list of people who have let him down. and dean pulls a machete.#how quickly does that trust bleed out huh? how easily do you break a bond that hasn't been tested beyond battle and clandestine meetings#maybe it does happen and im just not remembering that it does. god i hope so. i need to see them get messed up.#dean/benny is so good and messy to me actually.#benny doesn't even know these expectations are being hoisted on him. he's never there when dean talks about how everyone else in his life#failed him. benny just thinks this is a normal (well. 'normal'. they were in purgatory. and probably had wild bloody sex in those woods)#but a normal friendship. and has no idea he's on any kind of pedestal. god. terrifying. imagine being pushed off a cliff you didn't know yo#were on the edge of. that's the situation benny is in rn#anyway! fun normal show for normal people!#benny lafitte#dean winchester#spn
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i really fuckin hate my current roommate situation for multiple reasons. one of which is due to him deciding to quit her job immediately after i moved down here i had to be the only leaseholder with a secret roommate situation. and now. their gate system is changing and uses an app to open the gate with a verified occupant's phone number. fuuuuck im like banging my head against the wall
#ordinarily i wouldnt mind a secret roommate situation but its to the point with this guy that i have to handle everything on top of this#and he does not like me all the while. and it sucks so bad#this whole venture down here has been really chaotic and messed up#i cant imagine them ONLY using the app. like. what if my phone dies when im out and i live alone right?#i just gotta call them tomorrow and ask. but it just blows to have to worry about this#in the wake of them deciding to quit his job immediately after i moved in with her#like we talked about them quitting his job before i moved in but i didnt realize it'd be for..... so long. so long.#so long that i had to get us a new apartment that he didnt want to make any input in with#she just wanted me to handle it#and when i broke my foot and was homebound i had to move us both out and repair the previous place up#and after a few months of living here in the new place where we had plans to travel out together and make texas temporary....#she ghosted me for 4 months (WE LIVE TOGETHER?) and then went ''yeah i wasnt being fair to you this isnt working.. -#-i dont like your cats and didn't realize how much i valued living alone''#thanks. im being ditched here. what am i supposed to do now#sorry for always talking about this shit. its my current life situation rn. its not nearly as bad as i've been through but it just sucks
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#I feel like I've barely ever vented here but I fucking need to put this into words#so ignore me if you will but I need to let this out#I dunno what the fuck I'm doing with my degree#I gratuate in june and I have 0 idea what to do#I feel like fucking crying#I do want to do a master's rn#but idk if I can do it later#I don't know it I should take a gap year#I don't know what to apply to#I'm a mess#my father keeps begging me for answers and I don't have any#I feel like I'm failing#I hadn't been suicidal in over a year and now I counting back one month#I wish I'd just get rich so my entire life wasn't on the line for a decision I'm making at 21#someone fucking save me#why am I here#I don't wanna be here#this sucks#everything sucks#fuck#fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck#foda-se#crlh#n sirvo pra merda nenhuma só pra ser um descompensado do crlh q nem de si sabe cuidar#pra pqp esta desgraça td e o inferno q a carrega q eu n sei se aguento mais#um dia são dias a mais 21 anos é um record do crlh e se terminar por aqui já foi mto#alguém q me ajude ou q me deixe morrer em paz q eu n sei se aguento tomar mais decisões#pfvr
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Thank you to everyone who shared my post and donated! Ill defo get started on those soon as well as updating this blog!💚
Thank you again for your kindness💚
#text#they are my priority but also my Apple pen tip is….basically gone so i have to be careful to not mess my screen up lol#i have tip covers but theyre so damn rubbery its like im fighting against it lol#ah im just hittin my early life crisis rn guys everything is so bad on my end im so tired😅#but your kindness goes a long way for me. thank you.
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Had a MASSIVE crush on you for years, still think of you fondly. Love the MASHposting
This is such a nice and sweet ask and I'm so incredibly grateful that you generously took time out of your day to be so kind. It means a lot and just from this small interaction I know you must be a very warm, caring person. Truly, humbly, thank you so much. <3
but also real quick no jokes if u have a moment if its not too much trouble or too intrusive a question could u tell me real quick why did u stop having a crush on me please tell me what happened did you find someone else did I do something wrong why didn't you tELL ME PLEASE WAIT COME BACK PLEASE WHAT DID I DO I CAN FIX IT I PROMISE PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPSLEALSEPLEAESSEEEEEE
#THIS IS NOT A BIT#ON OR OFF ANON PLEASE IM ON MY KNEES RN CAN I HAVE ANY FURTHER INFO PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I WON'T POST IT OR ANYTHING PROMMY PLEASE#WHEN DID U STOP AT LEAST???? WHAT HAPPEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH#please i can change........... i can become that man again for u......... or that woman or catkin or whatever u want............#please i have a full time job and a life insurance policy now ive got new dlc come back and try me again pleaseeeeeeeee#pspspspsss im so good at chores come here ill do ur chores for u pspspsspsss anon come back cmere pleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplea#please ill be good i PROMISE#this is so embarrassing i know my followers are like crossing the street to avoid this post coming down the dash#but shhhh they dont matter anon its ok its just u and me ur everything to me tell me how i messed up please i beg of you.......#tell me where i went wrong where i lost my way tell me the fateful day i forfeited my undeserved claim to your heart#tell me how to win you once more......... please.......................#pls thisis not a bit pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeee..................................................................................................#PLEASE GOD ITS ALMOST VALENTINES DAY IM CRYING FOR RELA IRL#unless saying that was bad and maniuplative or sth in which case im not crying im being normal and respectful#pspspsspssss im beign normal and respectful anon come back pleaspleasepleaspeleaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#even if u dont talk to me again thanks for still thinking fondly of me. even if u no longer think fondly of me after this post.#thats ok. thats on me.
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life is like
extremely vague gestures
#i dont think i want to die today so. thats an improvement from the last two days#but like. i dont know#i got rejected from a job again today. you'd think it gets easier after you stop counting how many times its happened cause its so often#but no not really. and that combined to everything that happened yesterday i just. feel so unwanted#im not good for anything or at anything. i dont know what to do. with myself or my life#i have to put aside plans if i want to eat this month cause everything is so fucking expensive#im so tired. im so lonely. im so useless#i dont know why im sitting here complaining. i dont know. you deserve better than this but i need to get this out of me rn#its all so much. i hate everything#i dont know#night is an absolute mess on main
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