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queen-bunnyears · 4 years ago

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Murder on your mind ~ Tom Holland

Pairing: DCI!Tom Holland x DI!reader

Summary: Inspired by my love for B99, and my guilty pleasures Silent Witness and Luther. What more can I say.

Wordcount: 5,4k+

Warnings: This is about a serial murder investigation, so it does discuss murder, violence, a chase, guns and shotwounds, a caraccident, unconciousness. They swear. Mentions of alcohol. A small kiss.

Okay if you need help understanding uk police ranks, (I did) I looked it up. So we have a chief inspector who in this case is the highest rank. Directly under him come the DCI’s (Detective Chief Inspector). Then a DI, (Detective inspector) and for today the only other rank I use is an officer, which is lower in rank than the others.

“And then the remaining time of today's briefing is for DCI Osterfield, he has a case he would like to discuss,” your boss says. Harrison stands up from his seat, and picks up the clicker for the screen.

“Thank you, Miss Carter. So, anyone who likes to take a guess about the crime?” he asks, and immediately hands fly up. “It was committed just an hour ago. Janssen?”

“Money laundering,” Janssens confident voice thunders through the room. He often wins these betting games, but mostly because nine out of ten times it is indeed money laundering. Harrison shakes his head.

“Too bad, it is definitely a big break in,” Claire says next to you. You shake your head. For a break in he would be talking with the uniform officers, he wouldn’t have needed to discuss it. Unless the stolen items are over a million, but then the news would surely have spread across the city already, and the new apps hadn’t put anything online yet.

“Hostage situation?” Jimmy shouts from the desk behind you. Jimmy always wants it to be hostages, because he is the only negotiator at the station. But hostages are way too uncommon, the chief would have told you about it. You know what it is the moment Harrison points at you.

“Too bad, you are all wrong. Y/n, like to take a last guess?”

“Murder,” you say, clicking your pen and closing your notebook. You cock your head to the side, “And it must be real nasty if you wanna discuss it,”

“Bingo! So we have a big ol’ murder on our hands,” Harrison says, clicking to the next powerpoint slide. A photograph of a bloody crime scene comes up. “And it is not just on our hands,” he clicks and points dramatically to the man who comes up on the screen, “This is Tom Holland, DCI in Southwest London. He is gonna be helping me because,” the next slide shows three almost identical scenes. “It’s a serial!”

“Ohh Tom is a handsome colleague. I would love to do a stake-out with him, if you know what I mean,” Jimmy bends over his desk and whispers to you. You shake your head laughing.

“Jimmy, you have a problem in need of fixing. Have you tried going on a date?” you whisper back. You don’t move quickly enough, and his playful slap hits you on the back of your head.

“For the record, you are way too excited about this,” Claire says, and DCI Osterfield blushes slightly.

“I just want to catch him, and not be a total mood ruiner while informing you,” he replies, clicking to the end of the slideshow.

“Does anyone recognise something from an old case? He works really neat, so Holland thinks it might be someone who has done it before,” The briefing room stays quiet as no one answers. You shrug your shoulders.

“Well please dig in your memory today, anything you remember might help. We have to solve this. I will need assistance, and chief told me detective Y/l/n has just closed her last case. Wanna help me?”

“Yeah sure,” you say, folding your hands underneath your head. The pictures look awful, and nothing like you have ever dealt with.

“Great, we leave for the crime scene after this,” Harrison says, and you nod at him, “Okay, that concludes the discussion. If press asks you about it, direct them to me or to the PR people, don’t tell them anything,” he walks back to his desk while Carter stands up.

“Good luck today, don’t forget to apply for the training day next week,”

“Okay so what is the deal Haz?” you ask. You sit in the car, on your way to the crime scene. He drives, and you drink from the Starbucks cup in your hand, trying to get them to warm up. Police cars are always terribly cold.

“There were three murders last week in Southwest, and tonight one on our area. As you saw in the pictures, it is all done almost precisely the same. So naturally we have to go there, because it’s our area, but the DCI from Southwest will be joining us as well, because he has worked this case for days now,”

“Do you know him?”

“Tom and I were together in high school, and at the Academy. We are good friends. He is an excellent detective,” Harrison tells you. Harrison was in the year above you at the academy, but you never really interacted with classes other than your own. You fall silent, not having much else to say. Your mind goes to the slide show of the victims. All the same position, almost the same place of impact. The photograph of this morning's victim flashes before your eyes.

“Any info on the victim already?”

“Sally Stars, 33, she is a tourist from the US,” you see the image of her again. Small woman wearing a yellow raincoat, lying on her back. Her shoes next to her body, no bag or anything. A big red spot on her chest where the bullet pierced her skin. One shot, quick kill.

“Where in the US?”

“Phoenix, Arizona,” That tells you precisely nothing. Although you don’t know what you hoped for.

“Other similarities between this case and the others, beside how they look?”

“All of them are tourists. It is a drama, working together with all the embassies,” he sounds bitter. The happy, teasing Harrison is gone now. At the station you can joke around, but as soon as you go out it becomes serious business. You hope this case can be solved quickly.

“DCI Holland, please let me through,” you hear a voice say. You look up to see the man from the photograph walking up to you. Removing your gloves you come up from your crouching position next to the victim.

“Goodmorning DCI Holland,” you extend your hand and he shakes it. You put your globes back on while you introduce yourself, “I am detective inspector Y/n Y/l/n. I will be helping you and DCI Osterfield with the case,”

“Great,” he says, before turning away to Harrison. “Please tell me there is anything different on this one,”

“Not as far as I can see Tom,” Harrison says, a thoughtful look in his eyes, “but you know more of the case, does anything seem different to you?” Tom takes his time inspecting the crime scene. He lifts things, ruffles through the bagged evidence and asks for some extra pictures. When he returns to Harrison and you his face looks almost angry.

“It seems like everything is the same,’ he says, suddenly he slams his hands down, “the fucker did it again. No fucking mistakes, how does he do it?”

“Something will come up,” Harrison says. You look around you, staring at the forensic experts who were bagging the evidence. The answer had to be here somewhere. Then you see a young man bag something a few metres from the body, at the edge of the scene.

“Hey, wait!” you scream, and you walk over to him, carefully stepping on the cleared ground. You almost smiled at what you saw, “Is that a,-”

“A phone,” DCI Holland says and he hurries over to where you are standing. You grab the bag from the stunned mans hands, and take out the phone. It feels icy cold through your gloves, and you see water drops on the side.

“It is soaked from dew and the rain this morning, I hope the lab can get something out of this,” you say, handing it over to Harrison, “It’s turned off, please keep it that way. If they dry it properly it might still work and that makes everything much easier.”

“This is new, the other bodies didn’t have a phone on them,”

“It’s his first mistake,” Harrisons says. You frown.

“Why do you think it is a man?”

“A wild guess, wanna bet on it?” he replies absently. Then he gives you the phone back, “what do you think of this? Does it tell you anything?”

“Old iphone, not a special model, Iphone 5. The case suggests that she is a big Harry Potter fan, that could explain why she was in Londen,” you take the case off the phone and grab the wet piece of paper that sits behind it, “And I wager she has a room in a hotel near Victoria's station. These are directions from there. To the right, past Victoria theatre, and so on. Call the station, they should be able to find the hotel,”

“That’s not right,” Tom says. His mouth is a thin stripe, and his forehead is wrinkled in a frown.

“Sorry what?”

“They already found her hotel room, near Covent Garden,”

“Then were would this lead to?” you wonder, inspecting the note closer.

“That is a very good question.” DCI Holland says, and he walks away. You stare at the piece of paper, as if it would start speaking if you look at it enough.

“Well, let’s go to this adress then,” Harrison says. You take a photograph of the paper and carefully put the phone back in the evidence bag. The ride is quiet, both you and Harrison deep in thoughts about the murder.

“Hello, I am detective inspector Y/l/n, and this is my colleague DCI Osterfield,” you show your badge to the man at the front desk. “We have some questions for you, regarding an ongoing case. Have you seen this woman?”

He inspects the photograph carefully and looks at Harrison. “Yes sir, I saw her yesterday. She came in to rent a safety box for a week. I can show you, although you need her permission to open it, or an official order.”

Harrison looks at you, and you shrug. “Shouldn’t be a problem. Can we see the box please?” he asks, putting his badge back in his pocket.

“Of course sir, follow me.”

“Nothing interesting in the locker, nothing in her hotel room. The first conversations with her family shows nothing of interest. There is no connection between them. Just the tourist thing. So based on that we have to assume he is killing at random,” Harrison is on the phone. He has big blue circles underneath his eyes. Probably matching yours. The second day on a murdur case is always heavy, as most of the evidence is processed, and the first results from the lab come in. You hear some murmurs on the other side and Harrison ends the call. He looks at you.

“Tom is on his way to us. He will bring his map of evidence and everything he gathered with the old cases,” you nod absently, looking at the giant board filled with photos, and the map. Red dots and lines all over the place, but it doesn’t make sense yet.

“Tourists don’t know the city well, so he might be able to guide them somewhere under false pretenses,” you say, “So maybe a cabbie? Who else moves anonymously through the city like that? I wanna see the CCTV,”

“There was no CCTV in the other cases,” Harrison tells you while typing on his laptop, “But we are lucky, they just placed a new camera at the shop across from the entrance of the park. They might have something. The officer should have sent,-” his voice trails off when he opens his mail and sees the file. Behind Harrison you see the door open and DCI Holland walks into the room. Harrison looks up.

“Tom, great, we were just going to watch the CCTV I texted about,” he starts the recording. The street on the screen is empty. “This is 21:00. Forensics guess she died around midnight,”

The screen stays empty as the video goes on to 21:00. At 22:38 a man walks through the screen with his dog. The small clock in the corner ticks through, 23:00, 23:30, 00:00. Just as Harrison wants to stop it you see something move in the corner.

“There,” you point at the bicycle that comes into view. A man is riding it, and when he turns into the park you and Tom see it at the same time. You shoot up, pausing the screen. 01:04.

“That’s her,” Tom says. Limp, on the back of the bicycle sits a woman, “is she conscious?”

“I don't think so, see here, he hits a bump and she doesn’t react at all,” Harrison says, playing the shot again.

“Does he return later?” you watch the remainder of the video three times, but nothing appears.

“He is smart, uses another exit. Who knows what happened after this, we need more on him,” you say, noting the times and details in your book.

“First we need to know who he is. Did they run facial recognition already?” Tom asks, turning to look at Harrison, who shakes his head.

“No, we are the first to see this material. Get the boss, I want to run this man through the system immediately.”

“I know him,” Carter says. She sits up straight in her chair and starts the tape again. She pauses it right as the mans face is in view. “Jason Sanders, ex police officer. He used to work for me back in the 90’s. He has grown older, but I am like 99% sure it’s him.”

“If he is an ex copper his face should be in the system,” Tom says. You just nod, noting down the name, and opening your laptop to start a google search. Two clicks and you are on his facebook profile.

“Yes he is a perfect match. Look at these pictures,”

“Okay, I want Claire to run a background check,” Harrison says, pointing at her. “Names, friends, family, address, possible gun registration, workplace. I want to know everything you can find. First, run his face through the system, I want to be sure it's him,”

“Sure, that should take about an hour,” she immediately opens her laptop and starts typing. Tom clears his throat.

“So, two of us have to go to the lab and talk with the forensic experts. And one needs to go through the three cases, see if we can find a new link. I have stared at the cases for hours now so I think it’s best if one of you takes a fresh look.”

“I will do it,” Harrison replies just a second quicker than you, “Y/n can go with you to the lab. I believe Henry will do the post-mortem, so she is probably happy to go with you.”

“I will tell you one more time Haz, no funny business between me and Henry,” you say with a stern look on your face, but you smile afterwards. Harrison always jokes about the doctor at the lab who has a small crush on you. In return you tease him endlessly about the defense attorney who is just a bit too sweet and open to Harrison for it to be professional.

“Well if the two of you are done wasting time can we leave, Y/l/n?” Tom is at the door quickly walking outside, but his harsh look doesn’t go unnoticed by you and Harrison. Harrisons shrugs his shoulders and you follow Tom through the door.

“Can you tell us anything interesting?” you ask Henry who is standing in front of a big window that shows the postmortem room. You look inside, shivering at the sight of the body on the table with all it’s organs stashed neatly beside it.

“There are so many interesting things to tell,” he laughs at Tom’s annoyed face, “Let’s get to business,”

“Please,’ Tom sighs, causing you to roll your eyes at Henry behind his back. Henry points to the large body bag on a table in the far corner of the room.

“That’s her. Full postmortem will be done tomorrow, it’s busy, but here is what we already can confirm. Victim is female, nothing weird about her body or anything like that. He probably killed her with that one clean shot. She has been drugged, we found alcohol and ketamine in her blood,”

“Just like the others,” you add. Henry nods and walks through the lab to a screen. He clicks on some buttons. A file opens, and you see a tinder profile and some messages.

“But Jackie ran tests on her phone, and there was a damned good reason he kept the other two.” You look up interested at those words, nodding to Henry to continue, “She was on Tinder, trying to make friends to go out with during her stay. She has texts with a man whom she had a date with last night. He called himself James, and had a random model photo on his profile,”

“Did you run that profile through the computer? Anything?”

“We can’t track the phone that belongs to the profile. We are waiting for access to the profile so we can see his other messages, that should be here later this afternoon. There is a possibility this is the way he finds and contacts his victims,”

“Shit” you say. Tom looks at the text chain unmoving. “Holland, are you okay? This could be a breakthrough.”

“Yes, could be. But we know nothing yet. Nothing is sure,” he says curtly. He walks to the door. “You let us know when the rest of the data is in,” he opens the door, gesturing for you to come after him. You stretch slowly, and smile at Henry.

“Thank you so much for your hard work, this could really mean much for the case,” you say, sending a provoking look towards Tom, “And I am sure my colleague here is just as thankful, don’t mind him, he has a bad day.”

“No problem Y/n, see you later,” Henry replies, sending a broad smile your way. You nod one last time before following Tom outside.

“What was that?” the anger in his voice is apparent. You smile sweetly and pat him on the shoulder.

“That, DCI Holland,” you pause shortly and look him in the eye, “was common decency. Be kind to the lab, and they will be kind to you. That applies to more things actually,”

“Don’t tell me what to do,”

“Don’t be unkind then,” you say, smiling at him, ignoring the irritation that burns within you. Damn that man. But you have dealt with a lot of unkind, bitchy police officers in your days, you won’t let him bring you down. You walk towards the car, grabbing the key from Holland's hand. “I’ll drive,”

Stakeouts are your least favourite part of being a detective. Nothing is worse than sitting the entire day, hoping for something to happen. You always called it the most boring aspect of your job. Even paperwork was more exciting. Problem was, you were very good at stakeouts. You somehow always noticed the change in a pattern that pointed to whatever you were looking for.

You sit across Harrison, your teacups on the table between you. The cafe is extremely busy, but you barely hear the noise around you. Your head is in filter modus. Tinder hadn’t yet given access to the account, so you and Harrison went to the place “James” had met up with Sally. You have been sitting here all day, going over some paperwork to pass the time, and with every hour your hope of seeing the person who pretended to be “James” dies a bit.

“What do you think will happen if tinder James is not Jason?” you wonder, stirring in your tea. Harrison looks up at your words.

“Well I am sure it has to be him. All the clues point to him,” he says, taking a sip of his tea. “The CCTV, suspects report, psychology sketch, background. His clean kills, any good copper knows how to clean up after himself. And we can’t find him at his home, because his wife kicked him out,”

“Good for her,” you mumble. Harrison chuckles, chugs the remainder of his tea and puts his papers in his bag. “Wait where are you going?”

“To the office. Tom is here to do the rest of the day with you. It’s only two hours.” he says. He gets up and stands up. He walks away, then turns around. He puts his hand on your shoulder. “Try not to kill him please,”

“Ha ha. I will try,” you say,

The hours with Tom are absolutely boring. He doesn’t even really look at you, let alone talk to you. And again, no one shows up. When the cafe closes you and Tom pack up your stuff, and walk outside. Then you feel your phone buzz. The screen flashes; Henry.

“Hey Henry”

“Are you in a car?”

“Almost, why?”

“Get in there and drive to Borough Market,” you turn to Tom and start walking faster.

“Get in the car Tom!” you almost shout as you run towards the driver side. Your emergency senses kick in, adrenaline courses through your body.

“We got to his profile, he has a meeting there in less than 10 minutes. Seventeen year old Canadian girl,”

“Shit,” you curse, and you slam the car door behind you. Your fingers fumble to get the key in the lock, but when you have it you immediately drive away. Tom hasn’t even closed his door properly. You put Henry on speaker and push on the button you put your sirens on. In front of you the cars make way for you.

“We’re driving, tell me everything,”

“We just got access to his profile, and we saw the meeting. At Borough market, 6 PM by the fudge stand. Harrison is at the station, he won’t make it in time. Look for Jason, and the girl has blonde hair, blue eyes. Her Tinder says she is nineteen, but we looked her up and she is seventeen. Harrison told me you two are closer, so hopefully you’ll be on time. He is on his way. I have to go,” you hear the beep that signals Henry has ended the call, and you take a quick left.

“Do you need me to navigate?” Tom asks. He is checking his gun, and picks a weapon stick from the glove compartment. You start to shake your head, but then you nod.

“It’s rush hour, could you check the streets I need to avoid?” you are calm now, your initial surge of energy is slowly leaving your body, making room for your more rational side. Tom is looking through his maps, and reassures you that you’ll be fine with the usual route. No detours.

“Could you check my gun Tom?” you ask, and you lean forward so he can grab it from your belt. He hesitates. “Come on I ask you to. You won’t even touch me. Quickly now ‘cause we are almost there,” He grabs the gun and starts to check it. You see you are getting closer to your destination, so you switch off the sirens. No need to alert everyone you are coming. Two minutes later you see Borough Market appear.

“Okay we both get out and walk to the stand. Do you know where it is?” Tom shakes his head. You park the car, put your gun back in your belt and cover it with your coat. “Luckily I do. Follow me, stay close, we don’t want to attract attention.” You walk towards him and he wraps his arm around you so you are close to him. It is an old tactic, one you have done about a million times with Harrison. You look like an uninteresting couple, and your heads are close, so whispering is easy. Perfect cover. But you feel Tom’s arm burning through your coat. That never happens with Harrison.

“Okay, lead the way,” he says, you shake your head to get rid of your thoughts and you start walking towards the market. You see the fudge stand, but no one suspicious around there. It’s busy, the market is closing soon, and the sellers are trying to sell their last bits.

“Do you see anything?” Tom asks, and you shake your head. You see a plate with testers for fudge and you walk over there. With the fudge in your hand you seize the opportunity to stand still and observe the whole market. Then you feel Tom shake your shoulder.

“There, at six.” you slowly look to your six o’clock, and you see a young girl. “She matches the description. We ought to approach her,” Tom says. You nod and step towards the girl, but then you freeze. At the other side of the market, close to your car, you see a man. Jason. You are sure, and then you see him dragging another young girl with him.

“Tom it's not her, there he is,” you don’t realise you are running until you feel yourself push people out of the way. Jason and the girl are about 50 metres away from you, but there are many people between you. Jason pushes the young girl in the back seat of a car, and you hear yourself shouting.

“Stop! Stop!” You run as fast as you can, but you feel your gut sinking. You are too late. As you see Jason step into his car you memorise his number plate. You try to throw yourself before the car, but you are too late to stop him from driving away. You pull your gun out, but you realise it is of no use in this busy street. You could hit his tires, but then he might swerve and hit some bystanders. You curse loudly.

“In the car, now!” you hear Tom shout from behind you. You start to run again, and launch yourself into the driver's seat. Your sirens blare, your tires screech, but you have him in vision. As you are driving you recollect your breath, and next to you you see Tom fastening his seat belt.

He calls Harrison, who says he can already see your car. Without looking away from the road you ramble the number plate to Tom, who repeats it for Harrison. You hardly hear their conversation, but you do feel the blood pumping in your ears. The car before you is driving unsteady, as if Jason is not yet sure what he is going to do.

“Where is he going to go? It is rush hour, traffic is awful! And he drives towards the city centre,” it doesn’t make sense to you. Until you see him diving towards a bridge over the Thames. Then it clicks.

“Shit, he is going to drive off the bridge!” you shout. You look to your side, and in Tom's eyes you see the same conclusion you just came to. Your mind races, searching for a solution. You see the car before you change lanes. You push the gas harder, accelerating and you also turn to the left lane, “I am gonna block him!”

“Are you sure? We might get hurt,” Tom panics. His hands are gripping on the side of his seat, his eyes wide from the adrenaline. Or fear, you don't know. Before you the car goes to the left, heading straight towards the rather fragile looking railing of the bridge.

“He will hit the seat behind me, not us,” you say, changing lanes, “I am like 75% sure this won’t end up getting us hurt. Badly.”

“That is not very comforting, Won’t he push us off?”

“No I don’t think so, trust me Tom!” you are driving faster now, and his car is almost near the edge. The last seconds before the hit seem like ages. With a bang the car hits the side of yours, precisely in the backseat of the driver side, as you predicted. You moan in pain as you feel the impact.

“Get out Tom! Catch him.” you scream, trying to cover up the fact that you are in pain. Getting your own door open appears impossible, and you use your gun to smash the window to get out. You feel adrenaline rush through your body, your mind blank, nerves numb. Your moves are by instinct, and when you see Jason run towards you, you throw your body towards him, blocking his way and bringing him to the ground.

“Jason Sanders, you are arrested on the suspicion of triple murder and attempted murder. Anything you say now can be used later in court,” you say as Tom gets the handcuffs on him. Behind you the other police cars all stop, and you hear Harrisons voice as you shakily get up.

“What was that!?! Y/n that was not safe!” you ignore his worries. First you need to see the girl. You stand beside Jason's car opening his backdoor, and you try to lift the unconscious girl out. Another officer takes it from your hands. “Are you hurt?” Harrison continues as he comes to a halt next to you.

“No I normally leak blood out of my side,” your adrenaline rush slowly comes to an end, and you feel the pain now. Your head feels heavy. “Probably cut it when I climbed out of the window. Also, I might have a concussion from the hit,”

Ten minutes later you sit in the open back of the ambulance. The victim is in the bed inside, and you were relieved to hear she had only passed out from the shock, but furthermore she was fine. After they checked on her a medic found time to stitch the scratch on your side. After their close examination your injuries are deemed minor. A deep scratch that looks fine after it is nicely stitched up and wrapped in bandage. After careful inspection of your head, they conclude you don’t even have a concussion.

But after that, you catch some faint whispers about shock and mental damage as they sneakily look at you. A blanket is wrapped around your body, and a few moments later, you also receive a cup of tea. And another blanket. You are about to run away when Harrison walks up to you. He clears his throat when he sees you, and gives you a quick hug.

“I have a lot of things to say, but none of them matter now. Well done on getting him,”

“Harrison, they keep putting blankets on me, I don’t want the blankets,” you say, shrugging them off and giving them to him.

“You’re in shock” he says, putting the blanket back over your shoulders. You shrug it off again.

“Yeah, not really. And even if, that wouldn’t mean I need blankets, I need booze,”

“Booze and a concussion are a terrible combination,” Harrison shakes his head at your comment.

“I don’t even have a concussion or pain meds. Really, I am fine. Where is Tom? I probably have to say sorry for risking his life.”

“Only if I file a complaint with HR,” Tom's voice makes you sit up straight and look around you. He walks around the corner of the ambulance. “Something I won’t do,”

“Oh great. Well I am sorry anyways. It was way too risky.”

“You executed it perfectly,” he says, a hint of a smile on his face, “Now I believe you said something about a drink, didn't you?”

Harrison laughs with you, but then excuses himself.

“You two go have that drink, I need to fill in all the paperwork. I’ll talk to you tomorrow,”

“Your loss,” Tom says, before turning to you. “Let’s go?”

“Lets go.” You say, smiling as he offers his hand to help you up. You think of slapping it away, but then you feel the stitches pulling in your side and you decide to take up his offer. Just this once.

~ One year later ~

“I can’t believe you had to almost kill him before he dropped his bitchy act,” Claire says laughing as she gives you the paper back. You and Tom shine on the cover of The Guardian, a press photograph taken on the night of Sanders' arrest. “J. Sanders locked up, evidence overload in serial killer case” the headline says.

After the arrest things moved slowly, Sanders his lawyer was a very persistent man. But now, months later the court case was wrapped, Sanders' guilt proven, and the judge ruled for the maximum sentence.

“Yes, his resting bitch face was a pain during that investigation,” you chime in, taking a sip from your beer.

“I am glad I dropped it though,” Tom says next to you, his arm wrapped around you. You smile, pressing a kiss on his cheek. So much has changed.

#tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland fanfic #tom holland x reader #harrison osterfield #my writing #queen-bunnyears

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seagreen-meets-grey · 3 years ago

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The Last Slide (Disco, Disco)

This fic is part of the b99 fic exchange organized by @b99fandomevents and I wrote this for @feeisamarshmallow :)

I combined a few prompts and hope I did them justice.

Read on ao3

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Chapters: 1 2 3 4

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Of all the feelings the human body is able to experience, the first one greeting Jake when he comes to is pain. If he had a choice, he would choose something happier, more exciting and, well, less painful.

It rises on the back of his head, almost at the top, like the source of a river somewhere high in the mountains. High in the mountains – that’s what he feels like.

It then wraps around his skull, pulsating behind his forehead, and trickles down into his neck. Sleeping on the floor of his first apartment for two weeks because he had yet to buy a decent bed or mattress was nothing against this, at least that’s what his tense muscles are screaming at him right now.

Squeezing his eyes shut against the pain, he turns his head and winces. His whole body feels sore. He wonders if last night ended in a few rounds too many but comes up short. What did he do last night? The mere attempt at remembering sends a sharp pain through his skull.

He’s on the floor. That’s the next thing he realizes. The surface is cold and hard, not concrete, not wood, not tiles, certainly not carpet. Where is he? How did he get here?

Hard as he tries, he just… He can’t remember. The pulsing in his head gets louder and he groans. Slowly, carefully, he blinks one eye open, bracing himself against any glaring light. Then opens the other one. It’s dark. Everywhere, all around, deep, dark blackness. Is he blind? He blinks a couple of times and sees shimmers. Can blind people see shimmers?

The hand raised to the back of his head comes away warm and moist. He immediately knows it’s blood but sniffs at it anyway. He was right. Because what else would it be? “Bring a fancy bottle of lavender shampoo,” he hears Charles in his head, “because shampooing a woman’s hair is the most erotic thing–” Jake groans again to drown out the voice. No, it’s definitely blood.

But seriously, where is he? His chest tightens as he feels the panic rising. He can’t see, he has no idea what’s going on, he has a bleeding wound on his head and he’s sure there are bruises all over his body. He could poke all the places he suspects, but a disapproving face appears in front of him before he can move a muscle. It’s Amy. Amy… Something tells him he’s supposed to call her. Did he forget to call her? Does she know where he is? Oh god, is Mac okay?!

An overwhelming sense of longing hits him and the panic returns not a moment later when he realizes he can’t call her because his phone is gone and so are his keys and his wallet is not in his pocket either and– His breathing becomes shallow, his chest feels tight, lungs filled with vacuum; he presses the balls of his hands against his eyes and the shimmers get worse.

“Breathe, Jake.” It’s her voice. “In… And out… In… Through the nose, Jake… And out…” Gradually, he regains his composure. His head still hurts and he still can’t see a thing, but he’s calm again. Well, calmer.

He tries to sit up but sees stars as soon as he raises his head too much. Okay, cool, cool, cool, the floor it is, then.

You’re a detective of the NYPD, he tells himself. You’ve been in situations worse than this. Remember, you survived several months in Florida. And prison.

His blood turns to ice. He isn’t back there, is he?! Back in solitary, alone, in the middle of the night, for two long weeks–

No, you idiot, the rational voice in his head immediately scolds him. It sounds a lot like Amy.

Once again, he tries to remember what happened, but... Nothing. Nada. Niente. Nichts. Only a worsening headache. So he goes back further, imagines he’s walking down a road inside his brain, passing blurry corners and intersections, until something appears before him, sharp and clear.

There. He can start there.

***

The sound of a file landing on his desk pulled Jake’s eyes from his paperwork. It was a case file, evident to him by one single glance. But what really piqued his interest was who had delivered it to him.

“Ah, look who’s spending one of her last days at the Nine-Nine in her favorite bullpen! To what do we owe this honor?”

Amy Santiago, about to kick-start her career in her very own precinct as the youngest female Captain of the NYPD, looked down at him proudly and nodded at the folder on his desk. “Check the file.”

Intrigued, Jake did so, scanning the forms inside. He gasped, eyes wide and twinkling. “A murder at the water park? Ames!”

“Did you read the details,” she asked, leaning down and eagerly pointing at the page, “about how the victim died?”

His eyes flew over the paper, soaking up every bit of important information in record time, the glee in his chest threatening to bubble over. “Oh, Amy, please tell me this case hasn’t been assigned yet.”

“It has.” The glee cooled down to a simmer at her words, but as he looked up, the little smirk on her face turned the heat up again to boil. (Maybe he was a bit hungry.) “I asked Holt if I could have it and he said yes. And he let me pick a secondary.”

Ants were crawling through his veins as he waited for her to confirm what he could already read on her face.

“Jake Peralta,” she said in a voice cornering on solemn, “pack your bag, because we’re going to the water park!”

“Yes!” He celebrated by taking the pile of paperwork he’d been working on all morning and throwing it in the air. It scattered all over his desk, on his lap, on the floor around his feet. A few sheets slid under his desk, Scully’s chair, Holt’s shoes – oh. Whoopsie.

“Peralta, please clean this up,” the Captain ordered in a stern voice. “You’re taking on the case with Santiago, but I still expect your paperwork to be done on time.”

Jake nodded as he stood. “Will do, Sir. Trust me, I won’t water anything down for you!” A single raised eyebrow was his answer before the Captain returned to his office. “Yeah, that was kind of lame, wasn’t it?”

Amy scrunched up her face in that adorable way of hers and nodded.

“Doesn’t matter, we’re going to the water park!”

“It’s for work, Jake,” she reminded him, “we’re not there to splash around. When I said to pack your bag, I meant your work bag.”

“Right.” He sobered a little, but then he remembered the details of the case. “Time to pack the real work bag that I definitely have and hit the road with the best former detective and soon-to-be Captain of the NYPD!” He grabbed his jacket and had taken three steps towards the elevator when he heard someone call his name in a reprimanding voice from the vicinity of Terry’s desk.

He turned to meet the expectant eyes of both his Lieutenant and wife. “Huh? Oh, right, my mess.”

Scrambling to pick up the scattered sheets of paper, one hand preventing the badge around his neck from hanging into his face bending forward, he could practically feel the combination of eye-roll and fond smile directed at him.

“We’re not going until this afternoon,” Amy explained, “we both still have paperwork to do and the movers are coming back around noon for the rest of the furniture, remember?”

Charles chose that moment to invite himself into the conversation, rolling over in his chair. “I can handle that for you two so you can go work the case together because you’re an absolute dream team!” He grabbed the file from Jake’s desk and scanned the information. “Oh daddy, this is a good one!”

“Oh daddy?” Jake repeated while Amy shook her head.

“This is our last day at the apartment and I already cleared everything with Holt. You’re welcome to help, Charles, but Jake and I are handling this.”

Charles shrugged apologetically at Jake and rolled back to his desk.

“Wow,” Jake said in a low voice, “he didn’t even protest this time. You really have him under control these days.”

Amy quickly raised a hand to shush him. “Psst, don’t jinx it.” She fished a sheet he’d overlooked from the hood of his jacket. “See you later, babe!”

***

The rest of the morning is all but a blur. He remembers Rosa showing up late for work, remembers Terry settling a lasagna-related feud between Hitchcock and Scully, but that’s it. Mama Maglione, his head still hurts…

There were movers. There were boxes, a few shelves, the fridge. And there was Amy, finding one of her favorite pens behind the wardrobe when they lifted it, beaming with joy.

He tries to roll over but the movement makes him dizzy again and his stomach queasy. His ears ring. He has a concussion, no doubt.

Did one of the movers drop a shelf on his head?

No, something at the edge of his memory tells him they’re long gone. Wherever Jake is, though, he’s not been here long enough for his blood to dry.

If only his ears stopped ringing, then he could listen for anyone, anything – “Hello?” he croaks out and clears his throat. “Hello!”

He listens, calls again, louder, the volume of his own voice hurting his head. There is no response.

Letting out a string of swears that would make Holt gasp out loud, he massages his temples in an attempt to relieve some of the pain.

It just so works enough that he can muster up the concentration needed to dive back into his memories.

***

Amy wiped a few beads of sweat from her brow and stepped back to examine her work. The parts of the walls still occupied by a last piece of furniture up until an hour ago now glistened in a crisp, pristine white, just like the rest of the apartment’s walls.

She dropped the paint-brush she’d just cleaned into the bucket with the paint roller and the other brushes, took off her gloves and went to wash her hands with the piece of soap she’d brought in forethought like the everyday-wizard that she was. She’d also brought a towel, a big bottle of water, snacks for lunch, a painter’s smock, old shoes, and everything else that Jake would never have thought to bring.

He was sitting in the middle of the living room, patting the space next to him when Amy returned from the bathroom. Her steps echoed in the empty space, loud and foreign on the laminate floor. She sat down next to him, a hand on his arm as she studied the bare place.

Moving a shoe across the floor, tapping a finger against a zipper, even exhaling, it all made so much noise in the silence. At the same time, the apartment couldn’t be louder. It was crawling with ghosts trying to make themselves heard.

There was the TV blaring the news or cartoons or Die Hard, there was the squad gathered around the table at Thanksgiving, there was Victor Santiago briefly interacting with Holt and creating an impact still reverberating in every corner, there was Pimento contemplating his professional future, Hitchcock justifying his choice to go shirtless during dinner, Charles getting mauled by a live turkey, his father cutting off his other thumb.

There was Mac taking his first steps, saying his first words, there was Jake realizing he never ever wanted his life to be anything but this. Realizing how much he’d grown in the past years. He had a wife, a child, a much stabler balance in his bank account. He was wearing a tie to work most of these days. This morning, he hadn’t even made a fuss about cleaning up the mess he’d made. Just a few years ago, he’d have simply left it for someone else to clean, maybe Terry, maybe Amy, probably Charles.

During all this time, this apartment had always been there, even before Holt had joined the precinct. Even before he’d figured out the reason behind his instant mood change whenever Santiago smiled or yelled at him or did or said something he immediately wanted to tease her about. Even before he knew what he really wanted from his life.

“This is it,” Amy whispered, but she could have screamed it, it wouldn’t have made much of a difference.

“Yep,” he said, popping the p. “Time to leave.”

Neither of them moved. It seemed almost rude to disrupt this rowdy silence, to pull the plug and close the door, forever sealing the many lives that met here, happened here, were quite literally created here, within these walls. Some time in the near future, a completely different life would fill up the space, change the personality of every nook and cranny, cover the walls and floor with new memories.

“Remember the time my dad and Holt met, right over there?” Her voice almost sounded hoarse and his hand instinctively covered hers.

He turned to her with excited eyes. “That’s what I just thought!” She grinned, interlaced their fingers and squeezed. “Hey, you know what they say: Great minds think alike.”

When her eyes met his this time, they conveyed a meaning much deeper than a simple saying. Theirs were great minds that thought alike, in so many ways. It was a connection, a meeting of souls, a clashing of personalities that mended and merged and completed the other on a level that just made sense. Maybe it was because they’d known each other, worked with each other, had been such an integral part of each other’s lives for so long. But he couldn’t deny that it felt like magic.

Magic. That was a good descriptor, he thought. He knew that a part of her would try to explain mating hormones and brain signals and psychological influences and genes and evolution. But the part of her that loved, the part that laughed at his jokes and fell asleep next to him every night, it knew he was right. Whatever they had, it was magical and it was real. Permanent.

She leaned over to kiss him, soft and slow. It was a moment he’d call perfect, if it weren’t for the lack of interruption by a hyperactive toddler demanding attention. Jake almost expected Mac’s small body to jump between them, crawl over their laps, and ask for his dad to play airplane with him again.

But today, in-between work at the precinct and the apartment where a three-year-old would just get in the way, Mac was spending the day with his grandparents while his parents took care of everything. Now that Amy was making more money and with their decision to have more kids, the old apartment just wasn’t enough anymore, a toddler with an abundance of energy not even factored in. It only made sense to move to a bigger place, and that meant saying goodbye to these familiar old walls.

With a sigh, Jake got to his feet and held out his hand. “Come on.” In the end, they weren’t leaving the treasure chest behind, they were taking it with them, in their hearts, in all their stuff waiting to be unpacked in the new place, in their memories. In a way, they were leveling up. Bam, Mario reference.

She took his hand and let him pull her to her feet, taking one last deep breath before patting the pockets of her jeans. “Keys are all here. By the way, I promised Rosa I’d help her with something tonight, you’ll have to meet with the landlord alone. Is that okay?”

He shrugged. “Sure.” Normally, it would feel weird to him to finalize this whole thing without her, but they’d just said their goodbye together. Everything else was already part of the next level. (He started to get into that Mario analogy. Or was it a metaphor?)

Looking around one last time, hand in hand, they turned around and opened the door – to the next part of their lives.

***

There’s someone else nearby. Jake can hear steps through the ringing in his ears. He tries to speak, call for help – but decides against it at the last second. He’s not sure the heavy boots he can make out approaching him are housing particularly friendly feet.

“Where is he?” The voice is sharp, male, vaguely familiar. “Where is the son of a bitch?”

Jake has no idea. About anything. A bright light is shone in his face, a small flashlight maybe. He tries to turn his head to see the person the voice belongs to, but as soon as he moves, a dirty boot presses down on his face. He can feel the footprint marking his skin, hears his head throbbing.

“Where the fuck is he and how did he do it?!”

The boot presses down harder and Jake’s lips touch the floor. Something smells familiar as well, but he can’t concentrate on that. He tries to speak but his voice only comes out muffled. The other man realizes and the boot disappears.

“Answer me! How the fuck did that bastard pull it off?!” The man spits on the ground, only inches away from Jake’s face. The saliva is foaming in the middle. Jake registers the flooring but his brain can’t make sense of it.

“I don’t know,” he gets out. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

The boot connects with his shin, hard. He cries out in pain.

“WHERE!” The boot kicks him again, this time right in the old gunshot wound back from Florida. Jake clenches his teeth and hisses. “WHERE IS HE!”

“I don’t… Ugh…” He has to close his eyes against the light. Bright spots are dancing behind his lids. He can’t think. “Who even…”

This time, there are three consecutive kicks in his stomach. He coughs and splutters, curling his body protectively around himself. He feels like throwing up, breathless, dizzy. Another kick hits him in the ribs and for a moment, there’s only pain. He’s disoriented, searing hot fire spreads through his chest, he can taste blood on his tongue.

“I’m not an idiot. I know exactly what he did! NOW TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW OR I WILL–”

Jake prepares himself for another kick, but it doesn’t come.

“Shit…” the man hisses and the light goes out. Somewhere, faintly, Jake hears a door opening. But before he can even think about calling out, horrible pain explodes in his abdomen. This time, it’s too much. He can’t speak, he can’t think, he can’t breathe, and before he knows it, he’s out.

#b99fandomevents #b99 summer 2021 fic exchange #b99 #the last ride #b99 fic #peraltiago #jake x amy #sleuth sisters #jake peralta #amy santiago #rosa diaz #maja writes

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trailerparkbubbs · 4 years ago

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Anyways we should talk about the whole Lahey and Julian thing I guess.

There’s this common trope in tv where a male character will have a crush on another male character, make some kind of move on them or somehow show their attraction, get rejected, and then continue to harass the second character for the remainder of the show, all of which is played for laughs. Other notable examples of this are Dean Pelton harassing Jeff in Community and Mac harassing Dennis in It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia, as well as non-sexual/romantic (but still very creepy and violating!) versions with Michael and Ryan from The Office and Charles and Jake from Brooklyn Nine Nine. All of these examples show different dynamics between the two characters involved, but all of them hinge on people laughing at one character harassing another long term.

Now, I like all of these shows, and I think that this trope can provide some funny moments, and it’s certainly not enough to condemn a show on its own. However, I also think that it’s kind of rooted in homophobia and misogyny to some extent – like, “Oh, our one token gay character is super creepy and has no sense of boundaries and is hopelessly in love with our straight, male protagonist!” but also “Harassment is funny when it’s two guys, right? Lol look at this guy getting sexually harassed, what a pussy, I’m sure he can just brush it off.” Not that any of these shows are outright trying to be homophobic or sexist, but that the way homophobia and sexism have shaped our societal perceptions is directly related to why we find these plotlines funny.

Another issue that amplifies the problem with this trope is when shows don’t have any other queer rep, or try to make the harasser a sympathetic character in order to make them into “valid queer rep” without addressing the ramifications of them being a harasser. Obviously this doesn’t apply in the case of B99 and The Office, but it does apply with IASIP* and Community. When a show only has one queer character, making that character a caricature-esque predator who harasses the straight, male protagonist really does more harm than good. When you try and round that character out without addressing the really horrible thing they’ve been doing for the whole show, it reads as playing off sexual harassment as a joke or not that big of an issue. Either way, not good.

*As far as IASIP goes, the characters are of course supposed to be terrible people, but that doesn’t put the show above criticism (and there are a lot of genuinely homophobic, sexist, and racist moments that can’t be ignored).

So, getting back to Trailer Park Boys. There are several queer characters, but most of them are “villains”, and for the characters who fluctuate, their queerness and villainy tend to go hand in hand – for instance, Barb finding out she’s interested in women, getting into a relationship with two women, and becoming a terrible person for the rest of the season, before breaking it off with said women and going back to normal. Lahey in particular is the major antagonist of the show – and while we see him having sympathetic moments, and we understand why he is the way he is, he remains generally an antagonist for the entire show. Lahey is drunk, delusional, powerhungry, and he hates Ricky, Julian, and Bubbles... except that he also has a crush on Julian which he makes no effort to contain.

This starts out with Lahey just saying Julian is “sexy” every once in a while, which basically every character on the show does at some point. This didn’t bother me at all – it’s funny when Lahey says it, but only because he’s usually saying it while actively working against Julian in some way, and often will say something like “You’re going to jail, you sexy bastard!”. Eventually, he starts making comments directly to Julian, and we get a talking head where Julian says he’s uncomfortable with the comments Lahey has been making, and that Lahey even tried to kiss him at one point. This is obviously pretty bad on Lahey’s part – trying to kiss someone who has made it clear that they don’t want to kiss you is a lot worse than simply saying they’re attractive – but still not too bad as far as this trope goes.

However, as this show does with everything, they soon take it up to eleven with Lahey coercing Julian into kissing him as part of a legal deal (before walking away at the last second), making a mannequin of Julian and taking a bath with it, and (outside of the actual show, but revealed in a liveshow/special so... you decide if it’s canon I guess) placing a hidden camera in Julian’s bathroom in the hopes of seeing him naked. Julian takes this mostly in stride, and is even able to throw Lahey out of the park directly following the whole mannequin/bath thing.

Trailer Park Boys does avoid some of the problems with this trope by making Lahey an antagonist rather than a sympathetic character, having other queer characters who aren’t predators, and having Julian clearly express his discomfort with the situation in a serious way, as well as making Lahey also have proper relationships with other characters, rather than just obsessing over Julian the whole time. However, it might have been nice for a show with so many queer characters to make at least a few of them (relatively) good people who aren’t actively trying to fuck over the protagonists, and to let the characters who do have sympathetic moments be queer and sympathetic simultaneously. Lahey is certainly not the worst example of this trope, and he’s a very funny character – but I think the trope of “predatory gay character being played for laughs” in general is homophobic, sexist, and something I could do without in the future.

#tpb #trailer park boys #tpb julian #Jim Lahey

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jemej3m · 5 years ago

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a comprehensive set of rules (part 1)

light and breezy!! (this is not a b99 au)

this is...long.

plot?????? what?????????

January:

“So you’re telling me,” Aaron repeated. “You’re pretty sure this guy is into some organised crime shit?”

Andrew made a noise, rolling over on his bed to press the phone between his ear and the pillow. Usually their calls were short and succinct, as was tradition ever since they departed from college - Andrew heading to Baltimore for policing academy and Aaron to Chicago for med-school - with Aaron doing most of the talking and Andrew occasionally humming in response.

Tonight Andrew was riddled with questions. Usually his moral compass was simple and easy to adhere to, but this was - to put it mildly - fucked. He didn’t care about authority, or loyalty to his police oath, but he couldn’t just screw a guy whilst suspecting him of murder. Or whatever Neil had gotten himself into.

You can’t talk, his own brain reminded him, so kindly, so gently. He made a scathing noise and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“A woman tried to kill him and talked shit about his family. You should’ve seen how bone-white he went at his father’s mention.”

“So - you’re just going to excuse him? On the basis of what, an inclination to murder is genetic?”

Sometimes it was genetic. Andrew almost laughed. Aaron heard the irony in his own words, too and grumbled out a low ‘Shut up.’

“He said he couldn’t date a cop, anyway.” Not that Andrew was interested in dating.

It did appear as though he and Neil was very incompatible: Neil didn’t do sex and relationships, was criminally inclined and had yet to text him since their disaster of a second date.

Andrew was only emotionally ready enough for casual sex, one-night-stands and loveless hookups, and didn’t exactly know whether or not he could ignore Neil’s background, seeing as every day he went in to work and interrogated perps with gang tattoos and blood still drying on their hands.

And yet.

Andrew still wanted to see Neil. See he was alright. Talk to him. Spend time with him. Andrew still wanted to try and set something up, something that’d benefit both of them, maybe a way that Neil could escape from his current life, a way for Andrew to get invaluable knowledge.

Andrew still wanted to try and have something with Neil. Not romantic. Not a relationship, or sex, or even friendship.

Just - something.

“That’s that, then.” Aaron said, unhelpful. “Nicky was all screechy about it on the phone. Said that the guy was cute. I bet he has no clue.”

“No,” Andrew agreed, making a mental note to check out ‘Allison’ and ensure his cousin was safe. “No clue at all.” He sighed, rolling onto his back and staring at the ceiling of his bedroom. “It doesn’t matter. I doubt we’ll ever see each other again.”

February:

“Shit,” Andrew muttered as coffee dribbled down his vest. The taser tucked into its pocket made an odd sound, as though it were drowning or something. He fished it out and sighed: Kevin, another fresh-faced detective who seemed to think he had the right to criticise Andrew’s every move, wouldn’t let this go. Andrew seemed to always be needing new equipment, so much so that Kevin had decided to photocopy the request forms and pin them snootily to Andrew’s desk.

Andrew hated Kevin. Renee had forced him to be civil, though, and he trusted his partner enough to listen to her advice.

“Didn’t see you there,” came a familiar voice. Andrew’s head snapped up: canvasing the truly miraculous sight that stood before him. “So sorry.”

Neil’d had his haircut since Andrew had last seen him, but he bore purple shadows under his eyes, his skin pale and sickly. A hood was drawn up, the sweater too large on Neil’s wiry frame. His jeans were loose too. He was far from the well-dressed bad idea Andrew had gone on two dates with, just over two months prior.

“Come into this cafe, officer,” Neil said, voice flat. “There’s a bathroom.” With that, he spun on his heel and marched back into the coffee-shop that he had no doubt been waiting outside of for Andrew to pass by.

Andrew followed silently, ignoring the lukewarm coffee that was dripping down his chest. There was a tiny bathroom with two cubicles, of which Neil somehow had the key for. He spun around and leant against the door, eyes dark.

“Neil,” Andrew said. “What the fuck?”

“I can’t be seen with you, or talking to you,” he managed, voice slightly raw. “Things are - not great, right now. I’m sorry I vanished.”

“You have to give me context,” Andrew insisted, stepping closer. “What the hell is going on?”

Neil shut his eyes. “If I promise you that I’ll explain everything, afterwards, will you help me?”

“I take my promises seriously,” Andrew warned.

Neil nodded weakly, wringing his fingers. “I know.”

Andrew sighed, taking some paper towel from next to the sink and patting himself dry. “What’s happening?”

Neil swallowed. “My father’s going to court, based on charges of tax evasion and money laundering.”

Andrew gestured for him to continue.

Neil hung his head. “I’m going to usurp him, him and his closest allies. I need a cop I can filter information through to, so that they can be locked up permanently. All five of them.”

“Someone once told me that they’d never be safe unless the threat was dead,” Andrew said, voice low. “You can’t fool me into thinking you just want them in jail.”

Neil had the audacity to look surprised, like maybe he thought Andrew wouldn’t remember. He’d learn to assume Andrew knew everything soon enough. “He has enough enemies that it’ll be taken care of, for me. Honest enough for you, officer?”

Andrew straightened out. “And when he and his crooks are gone? What then?”

Neil’s smile was almost sad. "Then I will take his place.”

“You could dismantle it entirely,” Andrew argued. “You don’t have to follow his footsteps.”

Neil just shook his head. “There are higher powers at work, Andrew. It’s my legacy: I have no choice." He in a shuddering breath. “If I could abandon it all, I would. I don’t want this life. I don’t want his name, or his smile, or his bloodthirst. I don’t.”

“Neil,” Andrew warned.

The man squeezed his eyes shut. “You know I watched him kill my mom? She didn’t want this life either. He was going to kill me too. Maybe he should have.”

“Neil.”

Andrew had the man’s chin pinched between his thumb and forefinger. He opened his eyes.

“I’ll help you,” Andrew said, against better judgement. “Tell me your name and I’ll help you.”

Neil’s swallow was constricted, weighted. He took out a tiny slip of paper and tucked it into Andrew’s pocket. “I'm still Neil.” His inhale was desperate. “I am still Neil.”

Andrew nodded slightly, stepping back and watching as the man unlocked the door and slipped out.

Slowly - carefully - Andrew unfolded the little piece of paper.

It was a business card, the logo embossed into the paper.

Nathan Wesninski and Co. it read, accented with gold.

March:

“How the fuck...” Dan said, flicking through the file. She, Wymack and Renee all sat opposite Andrew, peering over his work with trepidation.

Under a strictly Need-To-Know policy, Kevin was excluded for his previous ties to Riko Moriyama, who was the son of a yakuza boss (though that was not widely known). Matt was excluded on the basis of too many mouths to control, though Dan would probably fill him in. Seth was excluded because he sucked and Andrew hated him. That left his partner, his captain and his sergeant, all of whom were mildly shocked that Andrew had picked up such a large and intricate case independently.

“How did you find all this?” Dan demanded, recoiling from the contents of his file. Beside the many photographs laid a dried chunk of flesh in a sealed bag, of which DNA tests would confirm to be Mary Wesninski’s, who vanished over 14 years ago. Neil said he’d cut it from the branching aorta of his mother’s heart, of which his father kept in a small container, alongside her tongue and eyes, seeing as his father would miss a whole organ, but not a chunk of the underside. He didn’t get his name the Butcher for nothing.

“Unless we have a weapon, or something with prints that connects Wesninski to that-” Wymack pointed to the piece of Mary’s heart. “It’s still circumstantial without your CI coming forward as a witness.”

“They will die,” Andrew said calmly. “I’ll keep working for a connection, but nothing about my CI gets published. Nothing.”

“Okay,” Renee agreed, smiling warmly as she rounded the table. She waited for his nod to drop a hand on his shoulder, rubbing small circles of warmth. “We’ll figure something out, Andrew.”

“I can’t believe we have a chance against Wesninski,” Wymack muttered, rubbing his temples.

“Not yet, we don’t.” Dan reminded him.

Not yet, Andrew agreed.

April:

Neil walked a slow circle around Andrew’s apartment, eyeing the windows and doors, the fire escape, the kettle, probably even the fucking toilet paper. Andrew watched as he toed off his shoes, pulled his sweater sleeves over his hands and finally joined Andrew in the living room.

“Got bored of figuring out the best point of exit?”

Neil scowled, settling on the couch beside him. “I shouldn’t be here.”

“Well, yours wasn’t exactly an option, was it?”

Neil just drew his knees up to his chin, curling into a small ball on the couch. “The trial’s been set for late September.”

“I know,” Andrew agreed.

“You haven’t brought any evidence to the prosecutor yet.”

“I haven’t.”

“Was what I gave not good enough?”

“No,” Andrew grimaced. “A chunk of Mary’s heart tells us she’s dead. Without prints, or a weapon, or DNA evidence surrounding her body, there’s no way to connect Nathan to her death.”

Neil winced, teeth biting into his lip. The minute rocking back and forth was beginning to get on Andrew’s nerves. “I can’t...I don’t know. I don’t know what to do.”

“We’ll figure something out,” Andrew insisted. “We solve crimes for a living. There’s always an answer.”

Neil scoffed, body still shaking. “You’re probably aware of 20% of what goes on in this city.”

“So tell me the other 80.”

Neil stared.

Andrew gestured vaguely. “The different gangs, the territory lines, shoot outs and brandings and who’s having an affair with who. I don’t care. Just talk.”

“What good is gossip?” Neil wondered aloud.

“You’d be surprised,” Andrew said lightly, like this wasn’t completely for Neil’s benefit. He needed to get Neil out of his head. It looked like the man hadn’t sleep in weeks, his nails bitten down to the quick and body stiff with bandages. The fact that Andrew couldn’t help him much more than this - at least not now - was putting him through the wringer.

“Fine,” Andrew huffed when Neil wasn’t forthcoming, getting off the couch. From under the TV he grasped a random DVD and shoved it into the player that Nicky had bought for him a few years ago.

“What’s this?” Neil blinked, owlishly.

Andrew just dropped back down onto the couch. “Do you trust me?”

Neil looked at him, eyes narrowed.

Andrew reached out to push the long fringe away from Neil’s eyes. “Neil, do you trust me?”

“I...” he looked down to his hands. They slowly curled into fists. “I want to.”

Andrew tilted his chin up with the tip of his finger. For a moment there was nothing else, just blue and gold and fate and future. “Then believe me when I say I will find a way.”

Slowly, Neil nodded.

May:

“Dimaccio, Plank, and the Romero siblings,” Andrew leant on the table with his fists, the fies splayed out around them. “We lock them up, one by one. Nathan loses his circle, loses his security. He’ll put out the wrong foot without anyone else to fall back on.”

“Who should we start with, then?” Wymack inquired, letting Andrew steer this investigation down to the very last report signature.

Andrew arched an eyebrow, momentarily recalling the jagged scars on the inside of Neil’s elbows.

“She’d wanted to cut my tendons, once,” he said, before yanking down the sleeves again.

“Ladies first,” he told Wymack, picking up the photo of Lola Malcom and pinning it right into the centre of their case-board.

June:

Dimaccio snarled as he was lead away in shackles, hair shaved close to his skull. He was probably double Andrew’s height and width and had three police escorts shoving him into the back of a wagon. Across the back of his hand had been the characteristic X, the one Neil bore, the one Lola had worn too.

Two down, three to go, Andrew thought, something like pride grinning wolfishly within his chest. These were only the bail hearings: proper convictions wouldn’t be till the new year. It didn’t matter: so long as they were locked up, Andrew could move forward. Wymack stood beside him, thumbs hooked into his belt loops.

“Nice work, kiddo,” the chief acknowledged, shaking out a cigarette and gesturing to the exit. Andrew followed.

Leaning against the courthouse’s sandstone exterior, Andrew stared up into the cloudless sky with an accusatory squint, till Wymack nudged him.

“Your phone’s ringing,” he muttered, cigarette drooping with ever syllable.

Andrew fished out the burner that he always kept tucked into his back pocket. He flicked it open immediately: there was only one person who had this number.

“Andrew,” Neil panted. “Thank god. Okay. Hi.”

“N -” Andrew glanced at Wymack before turning away. “What’s going on?”

“The chances of me being able to contact you from now on will be slim to none: with two of them gone, I have to step in.”

“Christ,” Andrew muttered, stubbing out his cigarette. “Where are you now?”

“Bathroom,” Neil muttered. “Some stupid event thing for his business front. I’m not who matters right now. Do you have family that’s traceable to you? A next of kin?”

“You’ve met Nicky and Erik,” Andrew said, suddenly cold all over. “My twin and his wife live in Chicago.”

“They should be alright,” Neil murmured. “But Nicky and Erik have to go. Can they win a flight overseas? I’ll wire you through money if you need it -”

“Don’t be ridiculous. I’ll sort it out.”

“You need to be careful,” Neil insisted. “He’s going to come after you. That’s twice your name’s been on the front of the arrest records. I’ve sorted something out, okay?”

“Forgive me if that sounds less that appealing.”

Neil laughed weakly. “It’s not a pretty solution, but it’ll work. You have to keep working, and if I can’t keep interacting with you without blowing this whole thing over, then our only choice is...”

“Allison,” Andrew muttered. “Jesus Christ.”

Neil hummed in agreement. “She’ll pick you up from yours in an hour. Be ready.”

“How does she know where I live?”

“Like she doesn’t track my every move, Minyard. She’s my accomplice. Gotta go, now. He’ll get suspicious.”

Something twisted in Andrew’s throat. “Stay safe.”

Neil paused, then mumbled “You too,” and disconnected the call.

Wymack was watching him with an arched brow.

Andrew shrugged. “My CI’s quick.”

“Unpredictable asshole,” his boss muttered, shooing him off with a derisive flick of his fingers. Andrew saluted him as he departed, before twisting on his heel and jogging back to his car.

“Guest room, guest bathroom, living room, kitchen, blah, blah.” Allison waved her hand around emphatically, her manicured nails glittering with rhinestones and pearls. They were probably real, if her apartment was anything to go by.

Everything was white, grey or pink, aside from the dark-oak parquetry on her floors. The marble countertops were polished to sparkle, every device in her kitchen practically unused. It was Nicky’s dream penthouse.

“It pays to murder, doesn’t it?” Andrew wondered when he’d inherited Neil’s loose tongue.

The look Allison gave him was withering. “I don’t murder. I clean up.”

“Because complacency is so much better than participation.”

She rolled her eyes. “I can’t believe Nicky didn’t tell me you were a fucking cop. Would’ve never set you up on a date if I knew.”

“I’m going to have his father in max security by the end of the year,” Andrew reminded her. “Don’t make me abandon the case.”

She grinned. “You wouldn’t. He’s got you wrapped around his finger.” At Andrew’s glare, she waved him off. “Don’t worry: he’s just like that. I never said that I ain’t wrapped around his finger too. It’s impossible to not want to shield him away, wrap him in copious amounts of blankets, kiss his forehead and tell him it’ll be okay. I tried it once,” she grimaced. “It didn’t work.”

Andrew didn’t picture Neil, a mobster’s son, wrapped in blankets on Andrew’s couch, smiling (genuinely) as Andrew pressed a kiss to the corner of his eye. He did not picture that. He did not.

“For what it’s worth,” Allison said, in a voice softer than Andrew thought she was capable of as she looked out the enormous windows that overlooked Baltimore’s busiest district. “I’m glad he trusts you. And I’m glad you’re helping us.”

“Don’t get sappy on me, Reynolds,” he pointed at her in warning. “I’ll lock you up too, if you give me a reason to.”

Her laugh was pearlescent, her grin cat-like. “Neil would scalp you before you could even say my full name. Don’t forget, Minyard,” she winked. “I’ve got him wrapped around my finger, too.”

this will continue in p.2 with july-december!! after that we’ll go back to our regularly scheduled softness and humour. i’ve already got another one-shot planned around kevin and neil.... :D

#andreil #mobster/cop au #pre-slash #plot!!!!!! what??????#neil josten #andrew minyard #butcher!neil #cop!andrew #p.1 #allison reynolds #david wymack #cop!foxes #this was getting too long i had to cut it half way #all for the game #aftg #im so gay for allison can u tell #jem writes

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letsperaltiago · 4 years ago

Text

the warmth of the sun

This is my little baby fic for @arnies-bitch and a part of the B99 Summer 2020 Fic Exchange! 🌼 The prompt is: Mac’s first time at the beach I know it's very simple and short but in between a full time internship and working part time I've been so busy. Hope it's okay either way :') And hope it’s somewhat what you had in mind, Mari! 🥰

Enjoy!

It’s the summer of 2021 and Mac is already a big 9-month old baby, when Jake and Amy show their son the beach for the very first time. Until then the two new parents have been busy working almost every day of summer away, with Mac being juggled back and forth between Karen and daycare, but hitting the month of July their beloved Captain Holt had demanded they take two weeks off to enjoy their first summer as three.

Both Jake and Amy like to think they put up resistance but truth be told the parents are over the moon to get some much needed time off - even Amy who would work for free and fun if it came down to it.

Skipping a few days ahead and the little family of three is off on their first summer adventure: driving to the beach. All three ready, giddy and packed for the battle that is going anywhere with a baby that has recently learned to hoist himself up on any object within his sight - even objects that can’t stand his weight causing him to fall on his butt and his parents to laugh lovingly after making sure he’s indeed okay.

The fact that said baby now also understands the relationship between actions and effects, also better known as the hilarious game of ‘I will drop random stuff on the ground and mommy will pick it up’ makes everything even better. Everything is one big jumble of happiness and messiness.

Quickly after parking their car and unloading the million of things they’ve brought (having a baby will do that to people, Jake and Amy have come to learn), everything from a tiny beach tent to four different kinds of sunscreen with each their SPF, the family walks a bit until they find a spot to settle down in the toasty sand and set up camp.

“Are you ready, baby?” Amy coos effortlessly as if she hadn’t just spent the whole time she and Jake were unpacking the ocean blue sun tent for their son to nap in with Mac on her arm. Jake will never not be impressed with his wife’s strength, mental and physical, and the sight of her and Mac smiling at each other as she takes off his t-shirt. It is truly one of the many many sights he wants burned into his mind forever. “We’re going to see if you like the big waters, Mic-Mac!”

“He will,” Jake, who has just finished spreading out their beach towels, assures with much confidence in his son before walking through the soft sand to join them. “You are your father’s son after all.”

The smile on Amy’s face as her husband kneels down to their son’s eye level to talk to him is brighter than the warm summer day’s bright, yellow son. It’s no secret that she’s been slightly stressed out these past days, researching and planning how to take your baby to the beach for the first time, but now that they’re here she feels much better and confident. Mac usually loves bath time and even though the ocean can’t exactly be compared, being much wider and colder, she hopes his sentiment will be the same or at least somewhat alike.

“Wanna go? We’ll unpack the rest afterwards.”

Amy can tell that Jake is impatient to see Mac’s reaction and she would be lying if she said she wasn’t so herself. Normally unpacking first is her prefered way to proceed but today is different, she quickly decides.

“Okay. Grab his towel and let’s go then-”

She’s barely finished her sentence before Jake almost falls over in an attempt to run to find his son’s tiny towel. Though he does manage to save himself, good balance and all that jazz, and within seconds they’re heading to the water. Jake halts: it’s a sight to see and smile at: Amy with Mac on her arm, Jake right by her side with the tiny, yellow towel thrown over his shoulder, walking into the water as one great team. They clearly can’t see themselves right now but if they could they would for sure think that they looked hella cool… and adorable.

The moment of truth is upon them. They walk into the sea water which isn’t too cold, the still relatively new parents agree, before Amy slowly sinks to her knees with an oblivious Mac in her arms.

Jake has followed Amy down to his knees to carefully splash the tiniest amount of water onto his son’s chubby leg. Fear shows on both parents’ face when their son’s body freezes at the new sensation. Never before has the little one bathed in cold water before and while he has obviously noticed Jake proceeds in an attempt to make the best out of it. “What’s that, Mac-Man?” Jake coos joyfully taking in the sight of his son’s new discovery with great amusement.

“Should I put him in?” Amy asks nervously trying to decode how her son is really feeling besides confused before throwing a glance at her husband.

“I mean… He looks okay to me? Just a bit confused maybe,” Jake, just as much as Amy, hopes to find the right answer in his spouse’s eyes but it’s safe to say that it’s in vain. “Try? Worst case he doesn’t like it and you lift him back up. He’ll be alright.”

“Okay,” Amy confirms. She trusts Jake and she knows he’s right. It is just water after all. So, slowly, she sinks down further carrying Mac with her and soon the baby’s feet are fully submerged. He doesn’t say anything but simply looks confused, back and forth between his mom and dad with that chubby pout that they know so well by now.

“Yay,” Jake squeals playfully to his son to keep up the questionable morale.

“Is he okay?”

Holding him facing away from herself Amy can’t see her son’s face and relies on Jake’s point of view. She needs him to tell her that it’s all okay.

“Yeah, he’s fine. He’s just trying to figure things out, I think. Try to go further.”

“O-okay,” Amy forces a nervous smile even though she feels like a wreck on the inside. Her son is curious but also sensible, she knows. The last thing she wants is a huge scare and tantrum by the beach where they’re surrounded by hundreds of people who are here to relax. Either way she pushes away the doubting thoughts and sinks her son down till his legs are fully under.

For a few seconds the world somehow stands still. She holds her breath, bracing for a laugh, a cry, a scream? She isn’t quite sure.

Mac, on his part, looks like he doesn’t know whether to laugh, cry or scream which prompts Amy to feel the need to pull him back up into the safety of her arms but just as she’s about to, Mac kicks both his legs and splashes some water onto Jake who’s kneeling right in front of him. Jake laughs and being a complete copy of his dad Mac laughs along in that high-pitched screaming tone he often does when he’s extra excited.

“Was that funny, bud? Is it fun splashing daddy?” Jake coos.

Seeing his father’s reaction and wanting more of it Mac keeps kicking, squealing and smiling as if he purposely tries to keep both Jake and Amy laughing - which they do.

“You’re such a brave boy, baby!” Amy smiles, all stress and nerves far gone and drifted off to sea. All that matters is the fact that Mac is happy and having a good time. All three stay in the water for some time, splashing around, dragging Mac through the water and jumping around with him (mostly Jake as Amy witnesses nervously). Either way it’s safe to say that their little boy loves it. Neither the cold or the darkness of the ocean seems to scare him and both parents couldn’t be any more proud of his love for the big waters. A love so strong that Mac puts up a fight when his parents decide that he probably needs some warmth and a nap after so long in the fresh sea water.

“We’ll go back later, Mac,” Amy shushes as her son kicks around angrily as she tries to change his bathing diaper. “You need some nice, warm sun now.”

“... And sleep so mommy and daddy can pass out in the sun,” Jake complies from behind Amy where he’s curreently drying himself off. He earns himself a famous Santiago-roll of the eyes from his wife - even though she secretly agrees: she could really use some sleep.

It’s far from given though. Mac is not one to go down without a fight but, eventually, the baby is dry, clean and ready for what his parents hope will be a good, long nap.

Taking him bathing in the sea was obviously a huge moment for all three of them and of course they’re going to repeat it later, but right now Mac really needs a nap and Jake and Amy really do need time to simply enjoy themselves and the much needed time off work. Mac does not agree though - at least not right away. From where he’s already lying down on his towel Jake can hear Amy in the tent struggling to put Mac to sleep.

“Shh, baby, you need to sleep a bit now, okay? I know there’s a lot going on today and it’s got you all excited but that’s also why you need to rest.”

Jake smiles to himself hearing his wife trying to explain the logistics of a nap to their baby: maybe she’d taken his last name but she would forever be so very much Amy Santiago - which he loved. On the other hand, as much as Mac was a momma’s boy, Jake also knew that his son didn’t care about logistics. Especially when it came to nap time.

“Here, let me try,” Jake is quick to join his family in the tiny baby tent and lies down where he can just barely fit in next to a wiggling and gurgling Mac.

“Okay, Mr. Mac… Show daddy how good you are at sleeping!”

Amy isn’t the one to complain about Jake taking charge so she crawls back to her blanket as she overhears Mac’s impatient squirming and Jake’s various attempts at getting their son calmed down. It goes on, a restless back and forth between father and son, and Amy kind of wants to intervene but also knows Jake wants to and can do this. Plus, it means she can do crosswords in the sun without any interruption so she tries to keep herself busy, ignoring whatever is going on in the tent and soaks in the dearly missed feeling of relaxation.

Although she does frown when it’s suddenly been quite a while since she’s heard any noise coming from the tent. From either her son or husband. Actually, she checks her phone, it’s been so long that she’s almost finished an entire crossword in one sitting which is huge - she honestly can’t remember the last time she did that. A baby and crossword-time was rarely given.

“Jake?” She whisper-yells out for her husband but is left hanging with no answer. Only the sound of crashing waves and the occasional squeal from a seagull can be heard. Figuring it can wait, just a bit, she puts down her crossword and crawls through the sand to the tent.

Here, surrounded by the blue tinted light caused by the tent’s fabric, she is met by the sweetest sight: Jake curled up on his side and fast asleep with Mac right by his side. The little Peralta is passed out on his back with arms and legs spread out making him resemble a tiny, chubby starfish.

After soaking in the sight Amy of course snaps a picture and makes a mental note to herself: add this picture to Mac’s baby album under the title ‘Baby’s first day at the beach!’. Straight away she makes the picture her new lock screen photo because who wouldn’t want a constant reminder of the amazing day they spent at the beach with their incredible husband and cutest baby starfish?

#B99Summer2020FicExchange #b99 summer 2020 fic exchange #peraltiago #jake and amy #jake x amy #mac #baby peraltiago #fanfiction #fanfic #oneshot #b99 #brooklyn nine-nine #brooklyn nine nine #brooklyn 99 #fic #fluff

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itsclydebitches · 5 years ago

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you know something that i find really interesting is fandom's insistence on calling the AceOps cops in a derisive manner, despite the fact that we see weiss in volume 7 exercising her authority as a huntress to perform an arrest. wouldn't that make huntsmen akin to cops as well? and, further, i don't understand the refusal of fandom to judge remnant's law enforcement on its own merits, rather than drawing unfounded parallels to real world cops. They Are Not The Same.

One of the things I think is particularly important here is the acknowledgement that although RWBY’s law enforcement doesn’t exist in our world, it is a product of our world. In that (obviously) real people wrote these characters while immersed in a society where cops are lying, power abusing killers. It’s entirely possible (likely even) to get a story that uses fantasy elements to reflect real world social issues. That’s why English teachers are always pointing out those readings in class: “Sure, within the story-world that’s literally a lion, but here’s how we’re supposed to read that lion as an allegory of Christ.” RWBY might indeed have given us super-powered cops in a fantasy story who, despite all their differences, are very much meant to represent and teach us something about the real cops in our midst... but then RWBY failed to write anything that even remotely sits within our political climate. I’ve already explained ad nauseam the various ways that the Ace Ops don’t fit into this ACAB mold: they’re not liars, they’re not murderers, they’re not entitled, they make their own decisions after applying critical thought, their loyalty is no more “boot-licking” than what the team displays for RWBY, they live in a world where armed force is more of a necessity, etc. In addition, despite the writing (unintentionally I assume) portraying the team in a very positive light, we can’t even claim it’s cop propaganda. Because we’re supposed to hate them. That doesn’t make sense based on what the show actually gives us, but that’s the takeaway RWBY wants: Team RWBY good, Ace Ops bad. Which goes against the work propaganda is supposed to accomplish (a la B99). So the Ace Ops aren’t an allegory for real American cops and they don’t exist as cop propaganda... they’re just characters who happen to be this world’s fantasy equivalent of cops. A world where cops have none of our world’s history/associations. But many in the fandom don’t seem inclined (or perhaps are not sure how) to work through that difference. Because when you’re living in a country where cops are continually murdering black people and attacking peaceful protesters - when your life is in danger or you’re disgusted with their crimes - it is indeed very easy to see a fantasy cop equivalent and jump straight to their guilt. But that’s not the story RT wrote and, as horrified as I am with our real world authority, I’ve had too much training in analysis to willingly let those emotions color my reading of a fictional text. That’s not how this works. If it’s not there, it’s not there.

Man, I didn’t even think about that moment with Weiss! (Probably because it was stupidly played for laughs...) A while back I tackled the claim that Team RWBY owes Ironwood nothing because they were never working for Atlas/the military. I argued that doing everything they did (living there, using resources, going on missions, getting those licenses, etc.) and thinking they’re separate from this institution is crazy. That moment with Weiss is another excellent example. So the claim seems to be that Weiss hopes she officially has the power to arrest her father - to some extent expects that power given her willingness to make that announcement, even if she questioned it a second later - but she’s somehow not a part of this military? She wants the power to arrest others like an officer of the law but likewise doesn’t want to be held accountable when she keeps secrets from her commanding officer, disobeys his orders, threatens his operation, and knocks out four of his men? That’s... not how this works. If RT really wanted Team RWBY to be anti-establishment then they needed to a) make that establishment corrupt (rather than just giving us an exhausted man making hard decisions in an impossible situation) and b) not have the group cozy up to that establishment for weeks. This isn’t a “good, naive cop finally realizes how corrupt the system is and turns against it” story. Team RWBY has lied from the start. They’ve kept secrets from the start. They knew what Ironwood was doing - potentially using resources in a dubious manner - from the start. And they did nothing to change this. They actively encouraged it, all while benefiting off of what that gave them. The concept that they are entitled to all this power while they betray the man who gives it to him, only to “heroically” throw it all away for a suicidal plan remains incredibly absurd lol

#rwby #rwde #mymetas #Anonymous

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floweringpanakes · 5 years ago

Text

Listen

Amy doesn’t get to see her sister a lot. Sophie only gets so many chances to visit her, and it’s never for very long. She also didn’t get to spend a ton of time with Sophie and her friends when she was in the Lost Cities. So, when she sees Sophie again, she gives her a camera and asks her to video a day in her life. She just wants to feel more connected with her sister, and make sure she’s being safe. Sophie is hesitant at first (she’s not exactly sure how legal it is to vlog in the lost cities) but she can’t say no. She brings this project to her friends and... well...

First of all, they’re excited as hell. They love Amy and they’re so ready to show her what a day in their life looks like.

It starts off normal. Sophie shows her what it’s like to take care of the animals at the sanctuary, what she wears to school, what they have for breakfast

Grady and Edaline definitely try to put on a fun show for Amy. Dancing in the kitchen, super big breakfast, feeding the dinosaurs

But when she brings it to school is when it gets really interesting

Keefe is the first to officially declare Sophie’s portrayal of her life BORING AS HELL. “I mean you fight bad guys for Pete’s sake, and all you’re gonna show her is Verdi refusing to eat her food???”

He does everything he can to make the video as fun as possible. Which for keefe can mean a lot of things

He makes so many gross faces at the camera. so. many.

Fitz and Dex DEFINITELY joined him too. Especially impressive is how Fitz can give himself three extra chins, and Dex can pick his nose with his tongue

When Leto comes on the screen for morning announcements Keefe pretends he’s picking Leto’s nose and putting it in Fitzs hair

He bribes Linh to throw water at Tam every opportunity she has

By the end of the day Tam is carrying a towel around to dry himself off

He also made Biana sneak up on people to scare them. Among their victims were Fitz, Sophie, Sandor, and Ro

Ro was SOOO close to throttling him, but settled for smashing some not so good smelling ogre snack in his hair

He also 1000% tried to start a food fight at their lunch table, except it was just him flicking carrots at everyone’s faces until they got angry enough and they all threw their desserts in his face

“Worth it” he said as he licked frosting from his nose

They also bring the camera to training. Sophie wants to ease Amy’s worries about her safety by showing her how seriously they’re taking their work in the Black Swan

Okay but like who is she kidding??? they’re NEVER serious

Every time one of them walks by the camera they dance in front of it. Every. Single. Time.

(Fitz got super good at throwing it back somehow, but nobody really wants to know how)

Tam just stood in front of the camera like the “you know I had to do it to em” guy for a solid two minutes

At one point Sophie and Keefe have a body-guard-off

They both run at Sandor and Ro screaming “INCOMING” and then jump into their arms (think that scene from b99)

Sandor drops everything and catches Sophie

Ro sees keefe dive for her, takes one step out of the way, and watches him face plant on the ground

Sophie CANNOT stop laughing she’s starting to cry

Sophie tries SO HARD to get a shot of them sparring or something even remotely serious to show her sister

But the sparring very quickly devolves into a wrestling match between the boys, and then with the girls when they try to break it up, and then there’s just an insane tickle fight that takes wayyy to much effort on the bodyguards’ behalf to break up

Then they bring the camera to their Team Valiant meeting with the council. Now this one took some SERIOUS convincing, but Dex was the one who got her to bring it

“You did say you’d show her the WHOLE day didn’t you? And you can’t break a promise to your SISTER Sophie!”

Before they went, Biana and Sophie (mostly Biana) essentially did a whole beauty video, and she even got Dex and Sophie to let her do their hair

She also tried to do their makeup but Sophie couldn’t keep her eyes open for the mascara, and Dex kept sneezing when she was applying the powder

Wylie thinks bringing the camera in with the council is risky, and Stina just rolls her eyes at them

They set up the camera on this table that sits between them and the council, with the camera well hidden in a floral centerpiece and facing them

The camera catches them doing the following things

All of them playing Rock Paper Scissors during a lecture from Bronte (Sophie won)

Making gross faces at the camera when nobody was looking

Trading circlets when nobody was looking

Sophie teaching team valiant how to hit the woah

Hitting the woah every time Emery yelled at them to pay better attention

When the meeting is FINALLY over, they all (Sophie, Dex, Biana, Fitz, Keefe, Linh, Tam) meet at Havenfield for dinner, bc Friday night picnics with the gang are a thing and you can’t tell me otherwise

Linh has the idea to take a group photo to give to Amy with the video

They all get together under the Panakes tree, and Sophie sets the camera on a rock

Right after they’ve taken the picture, and Sophie’s walking back to grab the camera, they hear Grady and Edaline yelling “WATCH OUT!”

They all look and see the escaped verminion running towards them

It goes right past them, grabs the camera and just takes off in the other direction

Sheer, unadulterated chaos overtakes the next fifteen minutes

Sandor and Grizel try to tackle it, but end up face planting in the mud

Keefe almost laughs himself to death but shuts up when they ask him if he’d like a mud bath of his own

Sophie, meanwhile, is trying to calm the verminion down telepathically but it’s so excited to be free that it won’t listen

Fitz and Keefe help Dex set up this new laser cage he invented to trap it, and Tam and Linh try to herd it in by directing it with water and shadows

Linh gets some water on the cage and it short circuits before they can get the verminion inside

It shocks Fitz, Dex and Keefe (they were holding the cage up) pretty good. They’re all laying on the ground groaning and twitching

Ro is PISSING HERSELF laughing she cannot stand up

What eventually works is when Biana sneaks up on it with a tranquilizer and they finally get Amy’s camera back

Watching the footage back is like watching looney toons it’s so cartoonishly stupid

Sophie gives it to Dex to edit down for her, and sends the whole (thirty minute) vlog to Amy from her iPod

It’s not at all what she was expecting, but she loves it, and watches it every time she finds herself missing Sophie and the Lost Cities

#kotlc #keeper of the lost cities #mine #im sorry #i know its long #i just had to get this idea out of my head

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the-rogue-mockingjay · 4 years ago

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Multiples of 3, 1-18 for your Ryder and 47,48 and 49 for Hawke 🤗 (or switch them around if you want!)

This took me like 8 hours bc I'm typing it all on a phone and got interrupted ripriprip. Anyway I don't remember multiples for crap lmao I hope I got it right 😂

Brynja:

What does their safe space look like?

Jaal. LMAO but for real, her room on the Tempest. She keeps the lights low, and has different color settings depending on mood and light sensitivity. She also has tons of light and fluffy blankets and pillows piled all over, and she took her dad's coffee machine and keeps it by her desk along with a ton of snacks and hot chocolate. On her bad days she hides under 20 layers of blankets and at times dumps her work computer in the crew quarters. When she's having a panic attack SAM will talk her through some grounding techniques or Jaal will sit with her. Sometimes they talk and sometimes they don't, but he's always her anchor and solid ground, his presence steadies her.

What kind of books comfort them? What books help them heal after a hard day?

She's a science nerd but: definitely fiction. Fantasy, historical, she's 100% a sucker for romance lol. Nothing steamy bc that's usually outside of her comfort zone, more like the tooth-rotting fluff variety lol. She needs soft hopeful stuff, she only reads angst if she knows it's got a happy ending.

What is your character’s trigger point? What makes them angry, sad or makes them go off?

Oh man. She has no tolerance for corruption and very little patience for bureaucracy. Cruelty will make her feral in a heartbeat: generally she's against murder, but the Cerberus scientists on Kadara trying to make a computer out of people's minds, well....I haven't decided how it goes exactly, but it may be the first time she actively chooses to kill someone instead of killing in self-defense. Any time someone says "You're not Alec" or "Alec would've made a different choice" or whatever, it hurts her deeply and pisses her off, she often gets snappy with whoever said it. When someone says they wish Alec was here instead, it doesn't piss her off, just.....aches, bc it tells her that she's not good enough, and it gives her the impression that people wish she was dead. Cora quits saying that stuff real fast.

Also, the day a human is exalted? That's the day she spirals into a deep deep depression. It'll be the big breaking point for her and honestly Cora will have to take over a lot of Pathfinder duties for a while. Witnessing the exaltation of angara, krogan and salarians is already chipping away at her and breaking her down, that'll be the last straw.

Are they an overall healthy person? Do they make for a good patient or a terror?

Ahahahaha she's mostly healthy? But her eating habits are GARBAGE. She snacks all the time, skips meals on accident, eats a lot or not at all and she can be picky. She never in her life drinks enough water.

When she's totally wiped out she's a good patient, once she's on the mend she gets really antsy and gets a little pushy about refusing help and getting back to work sooner than she should. Between the two of them Scott's the real terror, he doesn't bug for permission to do stuff like Brynja does,, he just goes for it, breaks out of the hospital and far too often reinjures himself in the process. They both can't leave bandages or scabs or the like alone, they always gotta pick at it.

What is the first thing people notice about them?

She's tiny (like 5'2" tops), and she lacks the gravitas and authority that her father and Nadja carry. She's pretty easy to miss in a crowd, but when you do notice her? Her eyes stand out. They're violet, almost pink in the right lighting and they're not contacts because BioWare made the terrible decision of giving me a color wheel for the eyes.

Describe your character through a Brooklyn 99 gif or line.

Joke's on me I haven't watched b99!!! But I did some digging around and the line I found that's most her is probably “I’d describe the workflow today as dismal, with a tiny dash of pathetic.”

Hawke:

What is your character’s reaction when someone does something nice for them?

She's absolutely delighted, thanks the person with an entire paragraph's worth of jabbering and depending on who they are, a hug. Sometimes a side hug, other times a full-on hug. She's not usually that touchy so it surprises people lol.

Is your character easy to make cry? Or angry? Or annoyed?

No, but I think I can rank them by difficulty: annoyed, cry, angry. She is almost never angry and has the longest fuse known to man, so when she is angry it is TERRIFYING. Hell hath no fury like a Hawke. She doesn't often get genuinely annoyed either, she'll get irked but it'll only last like 3 minutes, people who truly annoy her she gets really passive-aggressive with, and it's usually nobles and templars who get that 😂 And when she cries it's only in private, so when she does break down in front of her friends it catches them off-guard. When Leandra died they expected it of her (like for real who wouldn't cry when your mom was murdered and turned into a Frankenstein monster) but when Act 3 rolled around and she broke down seemingly randomly, that's extra off-guard and I think of the group Bela, Sebastian, and maybe Merrill are the most equipped to handle it, based on their respective friendships with her.

What is your character’s biggest fear? Most irrational?

This might be stereotypical but: being dragged to the Circle. This bluebird can't survive in a cage, and she's part of the mage underground with Anders. She knows the hell they suffer and she's damn sure Meredith would execute her at the drop of a hat if she could. She's terrified of tranquility too, but I think outright execution is a little scarier for her, since it's a little more akin to being butchered like an animal. Tranquility kills heart and magic, execution kills everything at once, so that's her reasoning.

For irrational fears, I'm not sure. Probably losing her most important belongings, such as her parents' rings.

[OC ask game]

#thank u brit 💜#brynja ryder #aisling hawke

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rynhaswritersblock · 4 years ago

Text

tiktok famous (hc) - part three | p.p.

summary: you and peter doing various tiktok trends. y'all know the deal

warnings: ultra chaotic writing (i have nine other drafts forgive me i am a tad bit stressed), cussing as always, and HOPEFULLY GOOD WRITING??? oh and yes as always peter being Babey

+ + +

- HI!!!!!! BACK AT IT AGAIN WITH THE TIKTOK HCS!!!!!!!

- i got a few requests/ideas from y'all for more tiktoks so here we are

- tbh since so many new trends are constantly coming out i might just make this a whole ass SERIES but we'll see

- who knows if i can even handle that

- btw:: if i forgot one or there's one you really want me to write you can comment it and i'll try to add it to this!!! if it's too long since posted though i'll add it to my drafts <3

- OKAY TIME FOR CHAOTIC ENERGY

- as mentioned in past versions of this series

- tiktok dances are ADDICTIVE!!!

- and you literally broke a goddamn sweat learning supalonely but we're NOT GONNA TALK ABOUT IT

- and you and peter are hanging out one day

- and as all of these ideas happen

- you get ~inspired~ by the for you page

- you set up the camera, flipping it so that it's facing peter and not you

- the lil shit hasn't even noticed that you got up yet what a poop

- but as soon as the music starts playing he raises his head

- you're doing the supalonely dance like a fucking BOSS

- all while pretending to be looking at yourself in the camera

- you don't let yourself stare at the screen so you don't get distracted

- but

- of course

- peter is nodding his beat to the beat, clapping for you, and when you to the body roll thing on "drinking" he lets out a whoop that makes you wheeze

- when you finish you laugh, letting out a sigh and grabbing your phone

"not gonna lie, you ate that."

"i know."

- you sit back down next to him, heart rate in da Clouds, and start watching the video

- petey boi is just sitting there like a puppy, crooked smile on his face as he watches you

- in a few parts he's even doing the dance with you

- and he looks so in awe

- you can't stop watching it and smiling at the screen

- but then the fucker sits down next to you and is like "you should post that it was really good"

- so you show him it

- his face gets all red bc he's babey

"you were videoing me??"

- OKAY NEXT ONE

- so i think we all know the rosa videos

- for the b99 fans: rosa rosa rosaaaaaaaaaaaa

- she's a QUEEN

- and you constantly quote those things like

- every time there's a silent moment you're just like "you're fucking lying let me see" and the whole team (avengers squad) is like ayo stfu

- one day y'all are just hanging in the commons of headquarters

- we're getting the band back together!

- and you start videoing cause you're bored

- you point the camera at peter

"aye dude come here?"

- everybody groans and peter gives the camera a sassy look, tilting his head

"you're gay? i fuckin-"

"language," steve mutters

"-knew it dude!" you smile, zooming in on the camera

- peter gets a confused look on his face

"wait no i'm bi"

- tony effin SHOOTS UP

- sitting like there's a goddamn board in his back

- and he slowly turns his head in your direction

- eyebrow raised

- you bust out laughing and so does everyone else, including peter

- tony's looking around like "hey what the FUCK is HAPPENING"

"stark, you didn't know?"

"NO??"

- lol we stan bi peter parker

- aight BACK TO THE SHITS AND GIGGLES

- so you and peter are obsessed with that quirky tiktok bartender girl who makes all the drinks

- i forgot her name but she's like

we're gonna do 2 ounces so that's 1, 2, 3, 4! we're gonna give it a nice strain! andddd shake shake shake shake! fun, right?

- yk what i mean

- hi it's editing ryn it's her tiktok is like paradise bartender

- and so one day

- jk one NIGHT

- it's like 2 am

- and you and peter are like

- let's make lemonade. but like. Fake Alcohol Version Because We're Underage

- and so y'all run to the kitchen

- you almost crush and die from slipping on your socks

- the two of you and laughing and giggling as you run and around and get all your materials

"where is the fucking STRAINER"

"bitch idk help me find the lemon flavor packets"

- it takes FAR too long but y'all are finally ready

- you start recording and the two of you are already laughing

"hey guys so today-"

"TODAY" he pushes you to the side "we're gonna be making LEMONADE!"

- the two of you keep laughing as you shove each other trying to be the one in charge

- so basically

- peter gets water all over the counter

- some of the ice flies out when you shake it

- the strainer DOESN'T WORK AND ALL THE STUFF GETS EVERYWHERE

- and the small amount that lands in the cup tastes like whispering lemon

- like hella watered down there's like nothing there

- the lemon is SHY

- and then in the last 10 seconds of the video bucky walks in

- and he's like wtf... wait y'all are making lemonade??

- and the three of you end up making lemonade for real and drinking it while watching infomercials

- at two in the morning

- fun, right?

- those videos are so satisfying NEXT TIKTOK

- thank u ritxal for the idea !!

- so our boi PETE HERE

- is hella addicted to those cool pov videos

- and he gets a really good idea even though it would make him a SIMP

- he ends up deciding FUCK IT I'M MAKING ONE

- MY TIKTOK ACCOUNT IS PRIVATE ANYWAYS

- so he sets up his phone and jumps around to get ~~in the zone~~

- feeling stupid as hell

- he films one of those ones where it's the "from the other side" *noise!!!!!!!!* one's yk where the ppl are like "are you sure you want to __?" and it has the yes and no buttons

- you know

- i hope

- and he puts the text on it and shrugs, posting it

- meanwhile you're home and you get the notification that peter posted a tiktok

- obviously you click on it because

- uh

- because

- and you watch it and gasp because the caption says pov and ur like who tf is this man peter never posts povs

- you watch as peter is looking nervously at the camera and text pops up saying "are you sure you want to give up?"

- he presses yes and you're like oh god oh peter wait is this a sign shit FUCK

- a new text bubble pops up saying "do you want to see her?" and you fucking yeLP

- you're like holy FUCK WAIT WHO IS HER???? WIFE???? DAUGHTER?????? HUH!!!!!!!

- and then he presses yes

- and the screen goes black

- you see urself in the screen

- and you basically DIE

- a wheeze so hard that it hurts flies out of your mouth and you IMMEDIATELY PRESS DUET

- you start filming with your phone facing the ceiling and as the beat drops (or whatever when it's like ahhhh!) you pop onto the screen, smiling

- and you're like RANDOM CONFIDENCE BOOST WHATEVER POST

- and then BACK TO PETER'S PLACE

- HE GETS THE NOTIFICATION AND IS LIKE WHAT

- AND WHEN HE SEES YOU POP ONTO THE SCREEN HE'S LIKE HOLY FUCK

- AND SO HE FACETIMES YOU

- YOU ANSWER OBVI

"y/n what the hell"

"did you like it?"

"maybe"

- okay i wanna do another pov one so here we go

- i'm sure everyone here is acquainted with the "they call me tiago.. i don't know who's margo" ones

- these are lowkey difficult to write out so i'm just gonna lay it out for you as best i can

- really trying here

- so peter posts the boy's voice part ("no no no... they call me tiago. i don't know who's margo? i just hit this lotto" etc etc etc)

- and when it's like idk who's margo he just holds a stare with the camera in like an InTiMiDaTiNg way

- even though he's babey and a literal puppy it actually like.. works

- and when you see it you're like yes so you post the other part (that people never do lol "her name is margo" etc all the female voicing)

- and you hold the stare too and EVEN LIKE RAISE YOUR EYEBROW SUGGESTIVELY AND GIVE HIM THE LOOK IYKYK

- so BASICALLY

- i'm really trying here i can visualize these tiktoks perfectly but GOD if i don't struggle a bit while writing them

PETER'S CAPTION: pov: we're rivals on separate missions but you keep screwing with my plans so i try to intimidate you

Y/N'S CAPTION: pov: we're rivals on separate missions but i found you cute so i decide to mess around with your mission

- OH BY THE WAY THE TWO OF YOU LIVE AT AVENGERS HEADQUARTERS AND HE POSTED "YESTERDAY" SO YOU DECIDE TO POST "TODAY" AND WALK OUT OF YOUR ROOM TO WHERE HE WAS IN THE COMMONS RIGHT AFTER YOU POSTED

- can y'all tell how messy my brain is holy shit

- pls forgive me i keep getting random ideas but IT ADDS TO THE CHAOS SO IT'S FINE RIGHT

- OKAY

- BACK AGAIN

- so you post and walk out and as you turn the corner to the commons you can hear the sound play and have to stop a moment to silently scream

- thankfully no one else was in there except for peter (whose back was to you) otherwise you woulda looked INSANE

- you walk up behind him and smile as he laughs slightly and watches it another time, pulling his phone closer to his face to read the caption

"holy shit," he mutters

- he closes his eyes and smiles and tilts his head back, resting it on the back of the couch (🥺)

"you like it?"

- lol

- this kid SHOOTS UP

- HELLO

"oh my god, y/n, what are you doing"

"coming to hang out with you??"

- he sighs as you come and plop down next to him

"what the hell is this"

- he shows you his phone

"a tiktok"

- he smiles and shakes his head (doing that thing where you like look down while doing it and it's so CUTE)

"yeah. i got that."

- NEXT TIKTOK

- alright guess the scenario

- just fucking guess

- i'll wait

- ...

- you'd best BELIEVE that y'all are chilling at headquarters in the commons rn

- where da HELL ELSE

- and

- like LITERALLY EVERY OTHER TIKTOK THAT I WRITE OUT IN THESE

- YOU AND PETE BE CHILLIN

- AND YOU SET UP YOUR PHONE

- god i'm starting to question if i'm capable of writing literally anything else damn

- peter's in the background of course

- and it's this godforsaken audio i'm sure most of you have heard

- you know the one where it's like fast music and then it goes "mm, yeah" and it's usually accompanied with a video of some really pretty girl fake moaning and like rolling her eyes while pushing up her hair??

- well

- all of that

- everything i just said

- is exactly what you do

- and the thing is

- as soon as peter hears the audio he recognizes it

- are we gonna talk about the fact that peter probably spent at least a whole night watching those videos because 1) girls are really pretty and 2) every time he heard it he could vividly imagine you doing it??????? no??? okay

- so he like

- sits up

- does the thing where he rests his forearms on his knees and leans forward, glaring at you through the camera

- and in the background

- if you're paying attention

- peter FLIPS HIS SHIT WHEN YOU DO THE "MM YEAH" PART

- he tHROWS HIS ARMS IN THE AIR LIKE WHAT THE HELL DUDE I THOUGHT I GAVE YOU SIGNS THAT EVEN THOUGH WE'RE NOT A COUPLE AND WE BOTH KNOW YOU LIVE YOUR LIFE OUT OF SPITE,, DOING SOMETHING LIKE THAT ON VIDEO IS ABSOLUTELY OFF LIMITS!!!!!!!

"Y/N!"

- it's still recording and you turn around and laugh, throwing your head back as he jumps up and grabs you by the waist, pulling you in

- the two of you start play fighting just like elio and oliver from cmbyn (but a bit less steamy yk?? more innocent yet still w a bit of tension yeye)

- needless to say you keep that video in a very special place of your heart

- and so does peter like once the two of you stop wrestling you realize that the video had just been looping behind the sound of your laughter and fighting y'all watch it and it loops a few times while the two of you are silent and he finally goes "can you uh. can you send that. to me. ???????"

- next oneeeeeeeeeeeeee

- thank u lilmissquackson for the idea <3

- so in this one you and petey are dating

- and y'all decide to do the put a finger down challenge lol

- but instead of using an audio y'all decide to switch off coming up with ones on the spot

"put a finger down if your boyfriend tackles you every time you're standing near a couch or bed"

"put a finger down if your girlfriend still calls you dude"

"put a finger down if your boyfriend once webbed you to the wall because you wouldn't stand still when he was trying to kiss you"

"put a finger down if your girlfriend used her telepathic powers to keep you out of her room when she was mad at you"

"put a finger down if your boyfriend took TWO YEARS TO ASK YOU OUT"

"put a finger down if your girlfriend started laughing after you told her you liked her"

"put a finger down if you only started laughing because it TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH"

"put a finger down if your girlfriend showed no signs of liking you before you decided to ask her out"

"put a finger down if your boyfriend is the most oblivious boy in the world"

"put a finger down if you're in love with your girlfriend but haven't said 'i love you' yet because you're scared she won't say it back"

- your jaw drops and turn to him

- needless to say you were very glad to have caught your first "i love you"s on camera

- SIDE NOTE you did not post cause after you and peter watched the video back y'all were both like "we don't wanna be THOSE bitches"

- next one woop

- thank u MrsLillianAmbrose for the idea !!

- okay buds

- so here's the thing

- i hate to under-perform

- but i feel like the best way to get the full effect of this tiktok is to watch it and then just roll with me here

- SOOOOO (if u can)

1) open tiktok 2) search @_tharealjohnnyyy_ 3) go to his account (or it might just show up when you search) 4) and scroll to the "ways to cuddle" video 5) it was posted in february 2020 if that helps give u a time reference lol

- OKAY

- I HOPE Y'ALL GOT TO WATCH IT

- I TRIED JUST PUTTING IT IN HERE BUT WATTPAD WOULDN'T LET ME AND I COULDN'T FIND IT ON YOUTUBE (let me know if one of u does!!!)

- if u weren't able to watch it (i'm so sorry) i'm gonna do the best i can to at least make this entertaining

- WOOP

- so if you could see the tiktok that's really all this is

- you and peter doing literally the same thing

- y'all are giggling in between positions and peter struggles to set the camera up every time it falls

- he ends up just webbing it to the ceiling

- and in the end the two of you fall asleep in the reverse OG position with your fingers playing with his hair 🥰🥰

- i hope that was good enough im sorry AH

- next!!

- thank u Mendesmycam for the idea <33

- okay so y'all know that sound

SOMETHING ABOUT YA GORLL

REALLY MAKES MY HEADDDD WANNA TWIRLLLLLLLLLL

- or whatever the lyrics are

- those tiktoks are SO FUNNY

- AND YOU DECIDE TO COPY THEM

- so you grab a chair and sit peter down in the middle of the room and set the camera up

- luckily for you he has a bag of cheez-its in hand that you plan to utilize later

- babey has a confused look on his face as he watches you press play and he shoves some more cheez-its in his mouth

- the music starts playing and you just about bust out laughing as you walk all around him, running your hand across his chest

- his heart is racing he's like AYO WHAT THE FUCK IS GOIN ON

"y/n what the hell are you-"

SOMETHING ABOUT YOU GIRL

- you practically snap into a weird position

- ur freaking arms are out in front of you and you're on your toes and knees are bent and you're hunched over and it's like

- a very interesting pose

- peter BUSTS OUT LAUGHING

- his eyes are all crinkly as he bends over in the chair

- you just about break but you manage to keep a straight face as you start dancing around weirdly

- needless to say you look like a goddamn CONTORTIONIST

- peter can't stop wheezing

- you make one of your hands in the shape of like the italian man hand this iykyk and fucking SWAN DIVE YOUR FINGERS INTO HIS CHEEZ-IT BAG

- meanwhile peter's STILL DYING

- and you take the cheezits and lean back, sprinkling them all over you (like the popcorn one if you saw that tiktok lmao)

- and the video finally ends and you get to laugh

"y/n what the hell was that"

"i don't know i thought you might enjoy a little entertainment"

- and of course

- that's exactly when no other than SAM WILSON fucking strolls in

- hey how y'all doin'- AHHH (get yo fucking dog bitch! ~it don't bite~ YES IT DO GET YO-)

- sorry got distracted

- and he hears you and his head SPINS ON OVER TO Y'ALL'S DIRECTION

"a little what now?"

- AIGHT GUYS

- LAST ONE

- Y'ALL ARE AT HEADQUARTERS CAUSE WHERE DA HECK ELSE

- this time you're in peter's room though

- and i'd like to imagine this one with the cool led lights because 1) tiktok and 2) i feel like peter would have those in his room

- y'all are just chilling watching hot rod (GREAT MOVIE BTW)

- and

- peter sets up the camera

- not to mention his heart is RACING RN CAUSE HE'S A NERVOUS BEAN

- and he hits record and leans back, letting out a sigh

- you don't even notice his phone literally right there cause you're just enjoying the movie

- a few seconds into the video and petey is like Visibly Freaking Out

- but a funny part plays and you laugh, looking over at him to see if he found it funny too

- he notices you're turning your head so he's like YES I LOOK AT TV HOT ROD MOVIE I AM LOOKING THAT WAY AND WASN'T STARING AT YOU OR THE CAMERA YES THIS IS A FUNNY PART I AM LAUGHING

- and then you look away

- and then he looks at you

- and ever so lightly grabs you by the chin

- and pulls you to him and plants his lips on yours

- finally, dumbass

+ + +

huzzah

i hope u guys enjoyed !!!!!!! ヽ(✿ﾟ▽ﾟ)ノ

#peter parker #tom holland #peter parker imagines #marvel #mcu #spiderman #peter parker x reader #spiderman x reader #fanfic #fluff #writing #peter #parker #thomas holland

7 notes · View notes

ctl-yuejie · 5 years ago

Note

For the untamed ask game 5, 8, 10, 17, 16, 19, 21 35, 46 and 55

5. Biggest WTF momentThe golden core reveal in the book! ( read it before the drama so I don’t know how much I’d have been surprised without prior knowledge watching the scene in the series). Maybe I didn’t pay enough attention, but from what I remember I wasn’t even sure that Wei Wuxian had lost his Golden Core at that point. So I was extremely shocked by the reveal and also very excited because it made his past actions much more understandable and his dynamic with both Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji got even more interesting.

8. Most Confusing Part In The Storyon my first read i had a hard time remembering all characters so i think i zoned out a lot when the story didn’t focus on wangxian, so not necessarily a particular part of the story that confused me but i was just not paying enough attention. also: the timeline is random af.

10. Favourite Fanfic Set-Up Uhhhh!!! I love me powerful Yiling Patriarch stories where he survives the second sunshot campaign and anything and everything that focuses on the Yunmeng brothers relationship after canon. Also: every fanfic about the WangXian family regardless of universe.some great “bamf!wei wuxian survives the second sunshot campaign and adopts everyone”

16. Favourite Habitwei wuxian talking non-stop about lan wangji after they’ve met. so much so that the whole jiang family (read: jiang cheng) is super annoyed by it.

17. Purer Cinnamon Role Than Wen Ning (sorry for all these typos in the ask game) hmmmm…Wen Ning is pretty much peak pure cinnamon roll, but from the younger generation Ouyang Zizhen might even out-perform him. sure he is loud and direct, but also doesn’t know how to act in most social situations because the world is such a happy place for him and did you know that Hanguang-Jun and Senior Mo are dating and they’re not as dramatic about it as I want them to be but still super cute, and wtf Hanguang-Jun is now married to the Yiling Patriarch and all my dreams have come true, i have no idea why Lan Qiren looks so constipated maybe that’s because of Jingyi…..19. Cinnamon Role Meme (4 Characters) 21. A Fanon You Like hmmmm….this is pretty much canon but WangXian adopting everyone and everything while roaming the country & Wei Wuxian managing to cultivate MO Xuanyu’s core.and the lan wangji played inquiry for 16 years fanon. not because i think lan wangji would try and bind wei wuxian’s spirit to him but more so to find out whether he’s at peace and at some point it becomes this tiny remembrance song he plays for wei ying once a year.

35. Who Is The Biggest Disaster many disasters in this one but maybe Jin Zixuan??? i think he is so lucky for Jiang Yanli to be persistent in her love for him and MianMian intervening to clear up some misunderstandings…left on his own he really is a sad disaster.

but there’s some tough competition from wei wuxian, jiang cheng, jinling and more…

46. Favourite Fanfic / A Fanfic You Want To Recommendprepare yourself! (if not stated otherwise it’s wangxian)

since then i am because you are by sarahyyy (very short, fluff, oblivious wei wuxian & marriage)

overcast by willowcatkin (middle-length, canon divergence, role revearsal, accidental child acquisition)

and so my heart beats wildly by lily_winterwood (long fic, modern au with cultivation as an olympic sport, wangxian are competitors)

The (Several) Convenient Kidnappings of the Chief Cultivator by the Yiling Patriarch by misscam (short, some silly sexy fun)

your heart, two doors down by ficklish (middle-length, modern au, wangxian are neighbours, single parent! wei wuxian)

A Little Happiness by Suspicious_Popsicle (middle-length, post-canon, lan wangji turns into a child, everyone panics & wei wuxian just wants him to be happy)

asymptotic by chinxe (middle-length, canon divergence, lan wangji plays inquiry, that is how he encounters wei wuxian for the first time, beautiful but it also hurts)

transcendent by hyunbyun (short, wei wuxian is insecure about being in mo xuanyu’s body, domestic fluff)

Continuation by thefaceofno (long fic, post the untamed canon, hair brushing, some more pining but happy end)

i’d be all right (if i could just see you) byThirtySixSaveFiles (long fic, college au, wei wuxian is an idiot and takes lan wangji to a party)

Libation by BastetCG (middle-length, gods au, tentacle sex but in a very innovative way)

a lot can come from being in love with your captain bythefaceofno (long fic, part of a series, star trek au, various pairings, action & romance)

How Wei Ying Went from Oblivious Idiot to Shameless Boyfriend in Three Days by misscam (middle-length, college au, wei wuxian is oblivious but tries to be oh so helpful when lan wangji seems to have a crush on someone)

Adventures in Solitude by etymologyplayground (short, hurt/comfort, the untamed episode 16 canon divergence, lan wangji tries to come to the aid of yunmeng)

every time we kiss i swear i could fly by sarahyyy (short, kissing booth college au, lan wangji has a misunderstanding and is sad but all is well)

The Last Three Feet by etymologyplayground (middle-length, wangxian are oblivious, domestic downtime in cloud recesses with sizhui)

A Start on How by misscam (middle-lenght, college au, sleepovers!!, lan brother feels)

critical path analysis by chinxe (long fic, b99 au, hilarious perfection, it is scary how well the characters fit)

dirty politics by sarahyyy (short, politics au, wangxian are in a secret relationship but oh so wonderful together)

Rumor Doesn’t Have It (But Wei Wuxian Is Determined to Change That) by misscam (middle-length, post the untamed canon, everyone is weighing in on the relationship of the yiling patriarch and the chief cultivator, maybe wei wuxian should make some of the rumours come true)

Found Family by tulirepo (short, hurt/comfort, lan wangji finds ah-yuan on burial mounds, all the found family feels)

i want your heart to be for me by ThirtySixSaveFiles for sealdog (middle-lenght, wangxian soulmate au but set in canon, usually not a soulmate au reader but the concept is tied in super nicely into the story here)

to recollect and long for by mme_anxious (middle-length, all the found family and ah-yuan feels, hurt/comfort)

Grand Pianos Crash Together by etymologyplayground (long fic, post canon, wangxian find back together: an epic)

grief; the stages of by synonemous (sussiekitten) (long fic, the whole story in a modern setting, stuck in early 2000 wei wuxian is hilarious)

Sleeping in Paradise by daiki (middle-length fic, thematic fic, wei wuxian survives the sunshot campaign, jiang yanli lives, jin rulan’s relationship to the mysterious sleeping person at lotus cove)

What Rests on Tea by Gotcocomilk (long fic, yunmeng feels, jiang yanli & jin zixuan live, inventor!wei wuian, some great hurt/comfort)

and i will go this way by detention_notes (long fic, post-canon, wangxian write each other letters, wei wuxian travels with lesbians and harrasses friends and family on his roadtrip)

Not Just Netflix and Chill (Or Lan Zhan’s Lack of Grasp of Euphemisms) by misscam (short, modern au, lan wangji is the cutest and wei wuxian is helplessly in love)

These Things Stay the Same by notevenyou (modern au, war zone/disaster zone journalist! wei wuxian, sizhui feels!!!!!)

works in progress (they are all very, very good)

a stone to break your soul, a song to save it by rikke (long, almost finished, arranged marriage to save the yiling patriarch, yunmeng bro feels)

Death of a Ghost by Gotcocomilk (long, wei wuxian materializes as a ghost after his death, major yunmeng feels, he raises all the children)

Flowers of Blood and Bone by Sakurafubuki (AriasOfSnow) (long, vampire/vampire hunter au, a lot of action, great world building, crafty!wei wuxian, vampire!lan wangji)

I will surrender (myself to this moment in time) by Naamah_Beherit (long, post-canon, wei wuxian wakes up in gusu but has no idea how he got there, angst (with promised happy ending), lan sizhui calling wei wuxian father feels, wei wuxian gets confronted by the darkness in his life)

Lying on the Edge of a Star by Suspicious_Popsicle (long, slow-burn, wei wuxian falls into young lan wangji’s courtyard who is falling fast and deep, pity that to wei wuxian humans are but a fleeting existence)

please forgive my most passionate disruptions by pumpkinpaix (scribogenesis) (long, modern college au, wei wuxian is a stripper, lan wangji binds himself by his family’s old customs, marvelous character study, all the lan/yunmeng/wen sibling feels)

The storm comes and goes (and I keep walking) by Naamah_Beherit (long, wei wuxian survives the second sunshot campaign and roams the country as a rogue cultivator, he adopts all the children)

55. A Story-Arc That Haunts Youdefinitely the yi city arc!!!! i both love and loath it because it is just so sad and horrible but also has some stunning visuals, wei wuxian being a badass kindergartner and some big reveals for the main plot.

The Untamed / MDZS ask game

#ctlyuejie writes #fic rec #rec!#cute anon alert #ask game #long post

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thelighthousemp3 · 5 years ago

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in the spirit of halloween, i’d like to bring back a b99 heist fic i wrote a year ago!! haven’t been able to get much writing time in this year, so here it is from last year!

finders keepers, losers weepers

12:00 AM, October 31, The Bullpen, Object of Heist Unnamed

"H-h-heist time!" Jake calls. It's officially 12:00 AM of October 31, and he rolls out from under his desk fully dressed and tangled up in a red blanket. Jake quickly stands up and kicks the blanket and his pillow back under his desk. A light quickly flickers on in Captain Holt's office, right as the elevator door opens to reveal Amy Santiago-Peralta. She is in her sergeant's uniform, and she sends an evil smile towards Jake.

Jake immaturely sticks his tongue out at her. He swivels around and looks towards Captain Holt's office. He is sitting at his desk, glancing at Jake as well. Jake glares right back at both of them, and Amy quickly steps out of the elevator before it closes.

Suddenly, there is a loud thumping sound coming from the ceiling. Part of the ceiling pops open and out tumbles a ruffled -looking Charles Boyle.

"Guys! You're here! I'm on team Jake!" he says ecstatically, brushing what looks to be chicken feathers off of his shirt.

As Charles stands up, loud music ripples through the bullpen and reveals Gina Linetti, all wrapped up in her unicorn blanket. Except that she's not alone under the blanket.

A mess of curly black hair pops up and Rosa Diaz scowls at her coworkers. Gina shrugs the blanket off of them. "We're gonna win, bitches, so don't even think about―"

"Winning? That's my specialty," Terry Jeffords grins. He's wearing sweatpants and a white tank top, and he has emerged from a supply closet.

"Is everyone here? Staying in the bullpen overnight was my idea. I waited until you all left!" Jake whines. "I mean, at least Hitchcock and Scully actually went home."

"Actually, no. They're in the break room. Sleeping," Rosa says, and Jake frowns.

"Dammit! I thought I could count on those two, for once," Jake says. "Come on! None of you guys actually even went home?"

"I went home," Amy says. "Just to confirm that you weren't coming home."

"Yeah, okay, Ames. Why are you in your uniform? I mean, don't get me wrong; you look the hottest in it, but why?" Jake asks.

Amy shrugs. "I felt like it. Gonna carry out this heist in style," she says, rolling out the y. Amy unconsciously brushes off the sides of her uniform, and catches Jake staring. She rolls her eyes at him.

Jake quickly turns away and pulls half of a crushed bagel out of his pockets. "Well, at least I brought breakfast. Does anyone have any cream cheese? Or nutella?" Jake says, biting into his bagel.

"I brought breakfast too!" Charles exclaims. He scrambles to his desk and pulls out a large lunchbox. "Caviar and salmon pancakes, pigeon feet with bacon―"

Gina wrinkles her nose. "Please, do not eat any of that in front of us. Anyways, what are we gonna steal this year?"

Right on cue, Captain Holt emerges from his office, carrying a badge. "This is Sergeant Jefford's badge."

Terry's jaw drops as he glares at Captain Holt. "My badge! How'd you get that!"

"A heist master never reveals his secrets," Captain Holt says mysteriously. "Anyways, the objective of this year's heist is so steal Sergeant Jefford's badge. We do have some ground rules now, though. No one is allowed to put a tracker on the object of the heist. No one is allowed to put a tracker on each other. No cheating."

"Sir, what exactly do you mean by cheating?" Jake asks.

"I don't care, Peralta, just no cheating," Captain Holt says. "Now, Sergeant Jefford's badge will be put right here, in the middle of the bullpen." Captain Holt walks to the center of the bullpen, where a stand has already been set up. "Also, another rule that I had forgot to mention― You are not allowed to steal the badge and drive it to Kansas."

"Damn it!" Rosa says. "How'd you know?"

"You are not very good at hiding your notepads," Captain Holt tells her. Rosa rolls her eyes.

"Whatever. I'll drive it to Texas instead," Rosa mutters quietly under her breath, so that no one is able to hear her. She shoved her hands deep into the pockets of her leather jacket.

"Don't worry. I have a better plan," Gina says to her, and kisses her on the cheek. Rosa's face softens and she gazes at Gina, until they both catch sight of Terry's eyes nearly popping out of their sockets. Rosa glares at him. Terry puts two thumbs up and smiles joyfully at her.

"Teams!" Jake says. "Charles, you're with me. And if you dare give away my plan, then I will become best friends with Doug Judy forever and ever," Jake threatens.

"Sergeant Jeffords. I choose you for my team," Captain Holt says. Terry nods and goes to stand by Captain Holt's side.

"Well, I choose Rosa and Gina!" Amy yelps quickly.

"Not fair! I wanted Gina!" Jake complains. "You can't do that!"

"Yes she can," Gina says, examining a sharp purple nail. "Rosa and I come as a set. You can't separate us."

Rosa scowls, but she doesn't move to deny Gina's claim. They both walk over to stand by Amy.

"What about us? The numbers are uneven," Jake complains loudly.

"You guys can have Hitchcock and Scully," Rosa says. "Hitchcock! Scully! Wake. Up." Rosa calls, and a minute later, they stumble out of the break room, rubbing their eyes.

"Ugh, fine," Jake says. "Scully, you're on my team."

Captain Holt wrinkles his nose. "Hitchcock, you are the only one left, so I suppose that you are on my team," he says. Terry is vigorously shaking his head and mouthing the words no no no no no.

"Let the heist begin!" Jake calls enthusiastically as soon as Terry's badge is in its place a the center of the bullpen.

"Can Scully and I go back to sleep? If we don't get seventeen hours of sleep, then―"

"I don't wanna hear it, Hitchcock. We're going to win this heist," Terry says.

"Aw, man," Hitchcock scowls. He looks sadly towards Scully, who shrugs.

"Okay, back to work, everyone!" Captain Holt calls. "This precinct is not going to run itself."

"You got it, Cap'n," Jake says, pulling Charles along with him. Charles waves enthusiastically to Amy, who aggressively pulls both Rosa and Gina by their arms to a storage room.

12:16 AM, October 31, The Storage Room With That Blue Couch, Object of Heist in Bullpen

"No, no, no! What are you doing, Amy! This place is probably bugged! This isn't where we should meet to talk about our secret plan! Someone will figure out what we're going to do!" Gina scolds.

"Yeah," Rosa says, "Gina's right. Jake or the Captain or someone is probably listening to us right now," Rosa says, pulling out her phone. She quickly types something into the notepad app, and shows it to Amy and Gina, who nod.

12:17 AM, October 31, Captain Holt's Office, Object of Heist in Bullpen

Meanwhile, Captain Holt and Terry both meet in the Captain's office with all of the blinds down. Hitchcock has passed out on the couch in Holt's office, and Holt eyes him with contempt.

"Sergeant Jeffords."

"Captain Holt."

"We play to win," Captain Holt dictates.

"I agree, sir," Terry says. "Also, I can't afford to lose my badge. I need that thing."

"Ah, yes. It may be tossed around from team to team if we do not get to it first. Which is why we are going to get to it first. Do you have a plan, Sergeant?" Holt asks, looking at Terry in the eye.

"Uh, no? Terry hasn't had much time― or sleep― to think of a plan," Terry says with uncertainty.

"I thought so. Which is why I have been planning this heist since the second heist that ever took place in this precinct. I've been planning next year's heist for even longer, but right now we must focus on today." Captain Holt grabs a binder from the shelf behind him and flips it open. "I have everything in this binder right here," he says.

"Sir," Terry says, looking down at the binder. Captain Holt follows his gaze down to the binder. It is empty, except for a button. The button is black and purple with white letters on it. It says, TEAM SANTIAGO 2K18 on it in bold letters.

"Santiago," Captain Holt hisses. "She's played me as well as Joanna Newsom plays the harp."

Terry looks at Captain Holt in confusion. "Um, anyways, what do we do now?"

"We may not have any intel on Santiago's team, but we sure do have some good stuff on Peralta," Captain Holt says.

"Uh, sir, they're both called Peralta's," Terry says. "They got married, remember?"

"Yes, yes, but how will you know who I am referring to when I say Peralta?" Captain Holt reasons.

"Good point."

12:22 AM, October 31, The Bullpen, Object of Heist in Bullpen

Two minutes later, Jake wheels his chair over to Charles's desk. "Dude. We have to win this," Jake says.

"And I agree with you totally, Jakey!" Charles says, munching on a strange looking snack that Jake would rather not ask about. "Anyways, Jake, I've been planning this for a month now. I've actually been planning out all of my future Halloween costumes since I was ten years old―"

"Buddy, buddy. I've been planning this heist for like the last two years. And let me tell you, I've got some very good stuff," Jake begins. Charles looks on eagerly as Jake leans in closer. "So, what I know, is that Amy's team knows what Holt's going to be up to. Holt's going to find out that Amy knows, and he's going to proceed to do exactly what he thinks Amy thinks he's not going to do. You following along?"

"Yup," Charles says. "Would you like an oyster leg?"

"Gah, no! Anyways, the thing is, that Amy knows that he's going to do that. She knows Captain Holt very well. Maybe even better than Kevin. Augh, no, scratch that, she probably doesn't know Holt better than Kevin. Which brings us to our next step―"

12:30 AM, October 31, Babylon, Object of Heist in Bullpen

Gina sniffs a rose-scented candle and then lights it with a pocket lighter that she apparently keeps on the windowsill of the secret bathroom.

"Rose-scented candles?" Amy asks in disbelief, looking at Rosa. Rosa shrugs, inhaling the air.

"It was Gina's idea."

"Because they remind me of Diaz," Gina says, standing up. "Anyways, what's the plan here? Rosa and I were thinking that we would just take the badge, run, get onto her bike, and ride to Kansas," Gina pitches.

"Gina, that's against the rules," Amy says. “Besides, I've been working on this forever. I know what's going to happen. It's actually pretty simple, you see."

"Then do tell, Amy," Rosa says. "What's going to happen?"

"Well, you know how I'm always talking about binders?" Amy asks, twirling a lock of hair around her fingers.

Rosa snorts. "You're always talking about binders."

Amy pulls out a thick maroon binder from behind her. Rosa's jaw drops open.

"Where the hell did that come from? I know you're obsessed with binders, but you literally did not have one like two seconds ago. Where do you keep them?"

"In your bra," Gina snorts. She is still turned away from Rosa and Amy.

"I stole it," Amy says breathlessly. Gina turns around and gapes at her.

"You, Amy Boring Pantsuits Santiago-Peralta, stole something? This is something new. Oh my gosh, this is going to make headlines!" Gina trills.

"It's not like I stole it from a stationary store or anything," Amy snaps. "It's Holt's. Since I've always talked about binders, he's started to organize stuff like me. In binders. And I just happen to know that he's been working on this one for a very long time, and it's all about this year's Halloween Heist."

"That's even better! Holt is like your idol, and you stole from him! Oh, this is some scalding-hot tea!" Gina cackles, dropping the small lighter back onto the windowsill.

Rosa stares at the binder."Oh, my god, Santiago, you have outdone yourself."

"But, like, won't Holt notice that it's missing?" Gina asks.

"Well, not at first he won't. I've bought a replica binder and put it in this binder's spot. Remember the button maker that you got me one time, Rosa? I made some kick-ass buttons from it." Amy pulls out a bunch of pins from her pockets. They're black, which white letters outlined in purple.

"Team Santiago 2k18. Nice," Rosa comments, taking one.

"Why isn't it like, Team Linetti 2k Gay Teen?" Gina asks. Amy shrugs, and hands one to Gina, who pins it onto her hip. Rosa puts hers on her left arm, and Amy pins hers to her collar. Amy puts her hand out, and Rosa and Gina stack their hands on top.

"Team Santiago 2k―"

"Gay Teen!" Gina cuts in, and Rosa laughs. "Let's do this, team. Actually, what's next?" Gina asks, with a surprising amount of interest, at least, for Gina Linetti.

"I put a button in Holt's binder, so he'll know it's me. And basically, he'll know that I've got his binder and his plan, so what he's going to do is obviously the opposite of what he's got planned. But I know that, and I am so prepared for that." Amy puts a hand on her own button, wearing the proudest Santiago smile that she's ever worn. "You have out done yourself, Amy," she says to herself.

12:45 AM, October 31, Captain Holt's Office, Object of Heist in Bullpen

"So, Jeffords, we must have to do something irrational. Something that Santiago would never expect. She is the real enemy right now," Captain Holt says.

"What about Jake and Charles?" Terry asks. Holt waves his hand.

"We'll see. I'm sure Peralta has got something up his sleeve. More specifically, he's going to use a fire extinguisher to distract us and get the badge. Except, he won't be able to if we get it first," Captain Holt says.

"How didya know that?" Terry asks in astonishment.

"It has taken me only five and a half months to plant the idea in his head, but it is there all right, Sergeant. So the next thing that we are going to do is get this badge."

"I like this plan," Terry says. "So, how are we gonna grab my badge? Distraction?"

"No. I grab it. I run. You, Sergeant, carry me, and we're going to hide it where it's safe."

"It's like one in the morning. Captain, are you thinking this through?" Terry asks.

"Of course not! Thinking it through is what Santiago wants! We can't give her what she wants. Not again, " Captain Holt says.

"Aaand, title of your sex tape!" Jake's voice echoes through the room.

"Peralta? Where are you? Are you in my ceiling?" Captain Holt says warily.

"Nope! I'm in the bullpen!" Jake's voice calls. Terry gestures to Captain Holt's laptop. Holt suddenly realizes what is going on.

"Peralta, you sick son of a bitch," he mutters, and picks of his laptop, throwing it against the opposite wall as hard as as he can. It smashes and clutters onto the floor in a jumble of pieces. "Take that, son."

1:00 AM, October 31, The Bullpen, Object of Heist is… I Don't Even Know

"Now, Charles!" Jake calls. Charles presses the button on some sort of remote, and suddenly, many, many fire extinguishers all go off at once, concealing the badge from sight. Jake dashes off towards it.

"Not on my watch, Peralta!" Captain Holt roars, and leaps at Jake. Team Santiago 2k Gay Teen leaps to their feet in surprise.

"Rosa! Rosa, go! " Amy says, shoving Rosa into the confusion. Rosa runs towards Jake, effectively tackling him to the floor. Captain Holt swivels into both of them, and the three crash onto the floor.

"Aw, no, Rosa! You have most definitely ruined my plan! What am I going to do now?" Jake says haughtily, wiping fire extinguisher gunk from his face.

"Peralta, you monster. Where's Boyle?" Rosa shouts, and Amy spot him quickly slipping inside of the elevator. "Stairs, Santiago, take the stairs! " Rosa screams. Amy comes to her senses and turns quickly, running down the stairs as quickly as she can.

Rosa looks down to see Jake grinning underneath her. He pushes her off and stands up, wiping his jeans off. Rosa groans.

"This was my good leather jacket. You're gonna pay for this, Jake," Rosa says.

"No, I'm not. I'm gonna win. You guys aren't!" Jake says cheerfully.

Rosa rolls her eyes. "No, I mean that you're actually gonna pay for a visit to the dry-cleaner's," Rosa says, punching him in the arm.

"Oh. Okay, then."

"Move," Rosa says, pushing him away. She stands up and runs to the stairs, catching a glimpse of Terry bounding down the stairs. "Terry!" Rosa screams, and jumps. A split second later, she lands on his back, and Terry shouts.

"Diaz! I am your superior officer! You can't just―"

"Detective Diaz, I am your superior officer. Bone. I've heard it all, Jeffords," Rosa says monotonously. What are you and Holt planning!" Rosa holds onto Terry's shoulders as he vigorously tries to shake her off.

"Nothin'! We're not planning anything. What are you planning, Diaz?"

"I'm here!" A voice calls out. Gina Linetti appears in front of them, and points to Amy, who has tackled Charles to the ground and is valiantly trying to grab the badge.

"Where did Gina come from?" Terry mutters.

"Magic," Gina whispers. They all snap their attention back to Amy, who has let out a shout.

She manages to pry the badge out of Charles's sweaty fingers. Amy struggles to her feet and barely has a split second to start on her victory dance, before Charles tries pulling Amy back down and onto the floor.

"Rosa!" Amy screams, preparing to launch the badge in the air. Rosa leaps to catch it as soon as it leaves Amy's hands, but the badge swivels in the other direction and towards Gina. Gina fumbles with it for a moment before grasping onto it tightly.

"Snake eyes! Terry hates snake eyes!" Terry says furiously.

"Run, Gina!" Rosa calls, and Gina sprints with the badge and to her car. It won't unlock, and both Charles and Terry are gaining on her. Rosa's motorcycle is parked right next to Gina's car, so Gina mounts it as soon as Rosa tosses her the keys with a meaningful look.

"Gina, no! You don't know how to―" Terry calls.

"How hard can it be?" Gina calls glamorously, and the motorcycle whizzes to life. Surprisingly well, Gina rides the bike out of the garage and out into the streets. She disappears from view a moment later, and Charles crumples to the ground, wheezing.

Rosa is still covered in fire extinguisher substance, so she gladly accepts the napkin that Amy offers to her. "How did Gina do that?" Amy asks in astonishment.

"I gave her a few lessons about how to ride a motorcycle," Rosa says. "Also, I know where she'll be, because I have a tracker on my bike. Holt only said no trackers on people, object of heist, blah blah blah," Rosa say, watching Charles and Terry aggressively argue with each other.

"Come on. Let's go," Amy says, and they trudge towards the elevator.

2:00 AM, October 31, The Bullpen, Object of Heist in the Possession of Gina Linetti

"Okay, where the hell could Gina be?" both Terry and Jake mutter at their desks at the same time. Charles shrugs from Jake's side of the bullpen. He is currently wearing a costume, and no one can tell who he is.

"Okay, Charles. I give up. Who or what the hell are you?" Jake asks.

"Alain Ducasse! You know, famous French chef? He's so cool. Once, Genevieve went to his restaurant in Paris, and she said it was awesome. I'm dying to go," Charles explains.

"Well, what about Gina getting away, huh?" Jake says moodily.

"I didn't even knew that she could ride! That was so cool!"

Jake, Rosa, and Captain Holt have all changed into fresh clothes, and the Captain sits with Terry at Terry's desk. They discuss further plans of what to do, and Amy and Rosa sit atop of Rosa's desk. Rosa looks at her phone, and tilts the screen towards Amy.

"She's at your place?" Amy whispers.

"Ssshh!" Rosa hisses.

"Sorry."

"Let's get out of here," Rosa says. Amy and Rosa both slyly creep out of the bullpen and down the stairs. They take Amy's car, since Rosa's bike has gone with Gina, and head over to Rosa's place.

2:20 AM, October 31, Rosa's Apartment, Object of Heist in the Possession of Team Santiago 2k Gay Teen

Gina is there, curled up in Rosa's bed. She is fast asleep, and she clutches Terry's badge to her chest as she sleeps. Rosa creeps over to her quietly, careful not to wake her. She pries the badge from Gina's sleeping fingers, and takes it to her secret safe once she is sure that Amy isn't watching her.

After the badge is safe and secure, Rosa pulls open her closet and tosses a t-shirt to Amy. "Come on. Get out of that, and get some damn sleep. We're all tired."

Amy complies and changes into the pajamas that Rosa has supplied for her. Rosa changes into some more comfortable clothes herself, and is about to flop onto her bed next to Gina, before sitting up.

"Wait," Rosa says, and Amy turns. "We should take turns sleeping. Just in case," Rosa says. "You sleep first."

Amy nods, and heads out of Rosa's room and to her couch. Rosa follows her, sitting down at the kitchen table and pulling out her phone to kill some time. She stares at her pure black lockscreen for a little bit, before drifting off into a mindless sleep.

Rosa isn't exactly a heavy sleeper. But right now, she isn't exactly a light sleeper either, because she's only gotten two hours of sleep before the heist had started, and she's extremely tired. So currently in Rosa's apartment, there isn't a single awake and alert soul.

3:30 AM, October 31, Outside Of Rosa's Apartment, Object of Heist in the Possession of Team Santiago 2k Gay Teen

Captain Holt and Terry tiptoe up the fire escape and pause at Rosa's apartment.

"Sir," Terry says in a hushed whisper, "how are we going to get in?"

Captain Holt pulls a small box out of his jacket. "Jeffords, I have broken into Santiago and Peralta's apartment before, and it was a piece of cake. I have got this."

"But Captain, this is Rosa. Not even the worst of all criminals can get into Rosa's apartment," Terry says nervously, eyeing the dim light pouring out of one of Rosa's apartment windows.

"The best of detectives can, though. Let me tell you something, Jeffords," Captain Holt says, beginning to work on the door. "Every single Family Game Night that we have had here? I have been studying every corner of Diaz's apartment, and I have every square centimeter mapped out. We are going to win this heist," Captain Holt says. Terry stares at him astonishment, and then looks to the door as a small popping noise occurs.

"Damn, Captain!" Terry says in disbelief. Captain Holt shushes him as he quietly creeps into the apartment, with Terry at his heels. They tiptoe past sleeping Rosa. She stirs for a moment, and both Terry and Holt stop in their tracks. Rosa resumes into her deep slumber, and Captain Holt continues.

They walk past Amy, who doesn't move from her unconscious state. Terry has his phone out to snap a few pictures, and Holt doesn't comment as Terry gleefully captures photographs of the two women. Holt leads Terry to a room down the hallway, and quietly opens the door.

"Gina's on the bed," Terry whispers. Captain Holt doesn't answer, and kneels down to lift up the fur rug that is laid down on the floor. Captain Holt pries a loose floorboard up, revealing a safe. He works on it for a few seconds, until it opens, and he lifts up Terry's badge in victory. It's all that Terry can do to not squeal loudly at their clear win. Captain Holt hands Terry the badge, and Terry stuffs it in his jacket pocket.

Holt pulls another small object out of his pocket and sets it down in the safe. "Two can play at that game," he mutters, and Terry bends down to get a closer look at the object. It is a button, but in white with navy blue letters that say HOLT WINS 2018.

"Nice," Terry says appreciatively, and Captain Holt closes the safe. They creep out of the apartment in the same spirit, making sure to close the back door as they leave victoriously.

5:00 AM, October 31, Rosa's Apartment, Object of Heist in the Possession of Team Holt Wins 2018

Rosa wakes up with a start at the table and curses loudly, waking Amy up. Amy's head snaps up and she fumbles for her watch. "It's five o'clock," Rosa tells her. "Damn it, I fell asleep! We have to make sure that Terry's badge is still there," Rosa says, and stands up. Amy wearily follows her into the room where Gina is still asleep. Rosa bends down to open her safe, and curses loudly as soon as she does so.

"What?" Amy asks, walking over. Rosa hands her the button, and Amy's eyes widen. "How dare- I hate- I'm gonna―" Amy stutters, dropping the button. "How did they get in?"

"I don't know," Rosa says gravely. "But how did they crack my safe?"

Amy goes to shake Gina awake. "You can have an autograph later," Gina mumbles sleepily, turning over. Rosa gently pushes Amy away and sits down at Gina's side.

"Gina, wake up. The badge is gone, do you hear me?" Rosa says roughly.

All of a sudden, Gina's eyes flutter open and she dramatically sits up. "Noo! My baby! But we were going to win, Rosie! Who did it? I will have revenge," Gina seethes. Rosa soothingly puts a hand on Gina's shoulder.

"It was Holt. Holt did it," Amy says.

"I knew it! I always knew that son of a bitch had it in for me," Gina scoffs.

"We're heading back to the precinct. Gina, you're with my on my bike," Rosa orders, and the team scrambles to their vehicles.

5:20 AM, October 31, The Bullpen, Object of Heist in Possession of Team Holt Wins 2018

"Okay. Where's Holt," Rosa says loudly, rudely waking up Jake and Charles, who have been asleep at their desks for a while.

"Why you looking for Holt?" Jake slurs sleepily. "Don't you have the― urgh― badge?"

Rosa spots a flash of movement in Captain Holt's office. The blinds are down, and she marches over to the office with Amy and Gina at her heels. Rosa vigorously tries the doorknob, but it is locked. In a fit of anger, Rosa lifts her leg and kicks, effectively breaking the knob off.

Amy watches this unfold in blatant shock. "Oh my god, Rosa, you just―"

Rosa ignored her and pushes her way into the office. She looks around wildly, before spotting a man sitting on the couch. "You," Rosa says menacingly, "what did Holt hire you for?"

"Uh, me? I- who's Holt? The police Captain told me to wait here. I'm filing a report," the man stutters.

Rosa snorts. "Yeah, right. What happened? Someone TP your house?" she says sarcastically.

"There were eggs too," the man mutters quietly, as Captain Holt appears in his office.

"Detective Diaz! May I ask why part of the door to my office is broken?" Holt says loudly. Rosa spins around, and Amy coughs quietly.

Rosa holds up the button that Holt left at her apartment. "May I ask why this was in my personal safe? How the hell did you even break into my safe? I need answers, and I need them now, " Rosa says harshly.

Captain Holt snorts. "Diaz, your apartment is extremely easy to break into. Perhaps not easier than Peralta and Santiago's apartment, but still, easy. Furthermore, you should be more creative with your passwords. Your safe's password is 'Gina.' I was able to guess it on the first attempt," Captain Holt tells her.

At this point, all three women are staring at Holt with their jaws dropped.

"Your password is me? Aw, Rosa, that's so cute," Gina cooes.

"Shut up. I'm changing it," Rosa mutters.

"When did you break into my apartment? And why was it easy?" Amy splutters.

The corner of Captain Holt's mouth turns up. "Not only was it easy, it extremely easy, Amy. Courtesy of the Dad key that Jake gifted to me last Christmas," Captain Holt says, smiling wickedly.

Amy gasps. " No! You misuse the Dad key!"

"There were no rules that came with they key, Santiago-Peralta. I can do whatever that I would like with it," Captain Holt grins. The amount of time that Captain Holt is holding the smile on his face is really starting to become disturbing.

"As soon as this is over, I'm writing you a list of rules!" Amy promises. Captain Holt merely smirks.

"Where's the badge, Captain?" Rosa demands.

"I cannot tell you that," Captain Holt says, walking to his desk. "Dismissed."

Team Santiago 2k Gay Teen grudgingly walks out of Holt's office. The man sitting on Holt's sofa frowns. "What about me?" he asks in confusion.

Holt nearly rolls his eyes at the man. "You too. Get lost, Jim," Holt says.

"My name is John," the man mutters in offense. He stands up and starts to leave Captain Holt's office.

"Close the door behind you," Captain Holt instructs. John does his best to close the broken door. It swings back open.

5:35 AM, October 31, Babylon, Object of Heist in Possession of Team Holt Wins 2018

"Okay, so here's the plan," Amy says. "I know that Jake knows where Holt's keeping the badge, but I don't know where the badge actually is. But Jake's going to get it, and I know where Jake's gonna put it," Amy claims.

"And then we take it from them," Rosa grins.

"I like this plan," Gina murmurs absentmindedly. Her hands are weaving through Rosa's hair, and Amy can't tell it she's braiding Rosa's hair or merely playing with it.

"So when will Jake and Charles go for it?" Rosa asks. Amy shrugs.

"Hold on, let me text him," Amy says, pulling out her phone.

Rosa frowns. "How is that―"

"I'd give it two hours," Amy says. "They're still mastering their plan."

"Did he text you that?" Rosa snorts.

"No. I asked him how he was doing. He replied 'fine.' I'm married to Jake. I can read his even through a five letter text, Rosa," Amy says. Gina smiles approvingly.

7:45 AM, October 31, Outside of Captain Holt's House, Object of Heist in Possession of Team Holt Wins 2018

Charles shivers. "It's getting cold, Jake," he says, wrapping his jacket around himself tighter.

"Okay, Charles, you know what you're gonna do, right?" Jake asks quickly.

"Yeah," Charles says.

"Okay, then. Go now, dude. Don't fail me!" Jake calls as Charles darts around to the side of the house. Jake stuffs his hands in his pockets after he rings the doorbell. He waits for a few minutes until Kevin answers the door.

Kevin has hastily pulled a sweater over his pajamas, and he greets Jake at the door. "Peralta," Kevin says, and nods.

"Kevin! We made a deal last week, right?" Jake says.

"Ah, yes. I do recall you saying that you would join my literature class for four months. You also promised me a boxed set of 1800s French poetry," Kevin says. Jake nods.

"Yes, yes, absolutely. I will do all of that. But you, my man, have to keep up your end of the deal too," Jake says, locking eyes with Kevin. Kevin sighs.

"All right, then, Peralta. As long as this keeps Raymond's work life away from us," he says. Kevin pulls out a shining badge and hands it to Jake.

"Oooh! Shiny!" Jake chirps, running his fingers over the smooth badge that he recognizes to be a decoy that Holt had definitely made.

"I polished it," Kevin says. He moves to close the door, but Jake sticks his foot through the crack. Kevin stares at Jake in confusion, pulling the door back open. "What? Our deal has been made, Jake."

"Uh―" Jake quickly thinks of something to say to stall Kevin. "What kind of polish did you use, Kev?"

"First of all, do not call me that. I used―"

Jake stops listening as soon as he hears a distinct 'meow' that he recognizes as Charles's signal. He pats Kevin on the shoulder and backs out of the doorway. "Good talk! Actually, I've got to now! Charles is probably waiting for me. Thanks again, Kev. Gotta go! Bye!" Jake says, pulling the door close from outside of the house. Charles has returned to the car and is sitting in the passenger's seat. Jake gets out of the car and pulls out the car keys.

"Did you get it?" Jake questions with excitement. Charles holds up the real badge in triumph and squeals.

"We did it, Jake! I put in the fake badge! We won! Team Cool Boys Jake and Charles for the win!"

"Actually, we still have like over twelve hours until the heist is officially over. Just gotta keep this baby safe until then," Jake says, opening the glove compartment of his car. He slides the badge in. "Also, cool team name, but only if we can spell 'boys' with a z instead of an s."

"Yes! Yes, absolutely! That is so cool," Charles says ecstatically.

"Team Cool Boyz Jake and Charles it is!" Jake announces, and the pair heads back to the precinct with the badge in their possession

9:45 AM, October 31, Captain Holt's Office, Object of Heist in Possession of Team Cool Boyz Jake and Charles

Captain Holt turns off the phone in satisfaction. "That was my husband," he informs Terry. "A few months ago, Jake made a deal with Kevin, so that Kevin would help him win the heist. Just as I had anticipated, Jake dropped by today for the badge, which I assure you, is still secure in my home. Kevin gave him a decoy badge I had made months ago. Peralta is a fool, thinking my own husband would double-cross me," Captain Holt says.

"Up high, man," Terry says, lifting up his hand for a high-five. Captain Holt stares at him until Terry awkwardly drops his hand back to his side. "What I mean, sir, is that this heist is ours."

"Yes, it is, Sergeant. Yes it is."

10:30 AM, October 31, The Bullpen, Object of Heist in Possession of Team Cool Boyz Jake and Charles

Amy sidles up to Jake's side. "Hey," she says.

"Is this a trick? Ames, if it's a trick, then I'm not enjoying it. I don't have the badge, okay? And even if I did, I wouldn't tell you," Jake says quickly.

"It's not a trick, Jake," Amy assures him. She leans her head on his shoulder. "It might be Halloween, Jake, but last Sunday was your turn to get the groceries. You forgot." Amy laces her hand with his, tracing her thumb over his palm.

"Damn it! Oh my god, Ames, thank you so much for reminding me. I'll just go and do that right now!" Jake says, kissing Amy on the forehead and bounding towards the elevator. Once he gets down to his car, however, it won't start. Jake notices that the gas tank is empty, and curses loudly. He gets out of the car and locks it, pocketing the keys.

Jake heads back up to the bullpen. "Hey, Ames, I also forgot to fill up my gas tank, so can I take your car?" he asks, keeping a firm fist around his keys.

Amy gives him her car keys and watches as he heads back down to the garage. "Good work, Rosa," she says once Jake is gone. Rosa nods.

"It was easy. He wasn't even suspicious. He thought that not having a full gas tank was because he didn't fill it, not because I drained it," Rosa says. Her clothes smell faintly of gasoline.

"Yeah, maybe you should change so he doesn't actually figure it out. Did Gina get Charles out?" Amy asks.

"Yup." Rosa doesn't give any further details, and Amy doesn't push her for any.

"Great." Amy pulls out her phone. "Judy, come on out. Meet us in the garage."

Two hours earlier

Amy speaks into the phone. "Hello, Doug Judy?"

A familiar voice spills out of the other end. "This ain't Doug Judy. He's on a business trip to Santa Maria. Making big loads of cash and selling pop-hit cds. What you want?"

"It's Amy," Amy says, slightly annoyed at Doug Judy's antics.

"Oh, Amy! I can't believe you didn't invite me to your wedding, mija! I could've totally beatboxed!" Doug Judy exclaims.

"Not the time, Judy. You're a pranks kind of dude, right?" Amy says.

"Of course! Don't insult me, Santiago-Peralta. You know, back in Milan, they call me Steve 'Prankster King' Michaels. Of course, that's because I never reveal my real name. You guys know me as Doug―"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. I need your help to play a prank on Jake. How fast can you get here?" Amy says.

10:40 AM, October 31, Garage, Object of Heist in Possession of Jake's Car

"Oh, Rosa! You never told me that Rosa was going to be here! Sweet Rosa Rosa Rosa! Are you single yet?" Doug Judy sings, puckering his lips up at Rosa.

Gina darkly scowls at him. Doug Judy throws his hands up.

"Okay, okay, okay! I get it. Not single. Yet," Judy says, winking at Rosa. Rosa imitates Gina's scowl. "Anyways, what have we got here? You want me to break into his car? Cool. But what do I get in return, oh Amy?" Doug Judy asks.

Rosa causally pull a knife out of her boot, twirling it in her fingers.

"Never mind!" Doug Judy says quickly. "I will do it for free because we are pranking Peralta." He sets to work with his toolkit, working at unlocking Jake's car. "This is the easiest car that I've ever had to break into! How many seconds was that?" he asks after the car is open.

"Eight seconds," Gina calls.

Doug Judy frowns. "Not impressive," he mutters. "I gotta work on that."

Amy pushes him out of the way, clambering into the car. She confusedly pulls out two badges from his glove compartment, and holds them both up to Rosa. "One's definitely a decoy, but which one?" Amy mutters to herself, running her hand over both badges.

"That one," Rosa says, pointing to the more dull one. "Sarge polishes his badge three times a year, and the last time he did it was a couple of months ago. The other badge is way more recently polished."

"Oh, you're so smart, Rosa Diaz, will you marry me?" Doug Judy sings in a high pitched tone. Rosa glares at him, knife still in hand, and he raises an eyebrow and shrugs. "It was worth a shot, my love."

"Hey," Gina says menacingly. "Only I get to call her that."

"Whatever, Linetti. I'm hotter than you are," Doug Judy mutters. Gina gasps.

"Oh, you didn't―"

"Stop!" Amy says sternly. "We have the real badge now, so that's that. Let's go, Team Santiago," Amy says slipping the badge into her purse.

"All right! I'm on team Santiago!" Doug Judy says cheerfully.

"Damn it, Judy, you have to lay low. You can come back for the party at the bar, but right now, you gotta lay low so that Peralta doesn't suspect anything. Also, lock his car," Rosa says firmly.

Judy blows her a kiss. "For you, my lady, anything. No, seriously, anything you want at all. I mean it. Anything, Rosa. Anything for you."

Rosa rolls her eyes with disgust. "Whatever. Let's go, Team Santiago 2k Gay Teen," she says, leading Amy and Gina towards the elevator.

"Bye!" Doug Judy calls, and scurries the other way.

1:00 PM, October 31, Outside of the Precinct, Object of Heist in Possession of Team Santiago 2k Gay Teen

"Doug! Doug Judy!" Jake calls quietly. He is standing in an alleyway at the side of the precinct with Charles. Charles scowls distastefully.

"You invited that moron here? Jake, you know that I don't like him that much! He's a moron!" Charles scowls.

"Chill, Boyle, you haven't even met him before," Jake says.

Charles kicks at a stray pebble. "And that's how you really know that you hate someone. If you hate them even before you've met them. And I hate Doug Judy. That bastard," Charles rants.

"Peralta! Hey, man!" A new voice shouts. Jake and Charles both whip around to see Doug Judy walking towards them. "It's chilly today, ain't it? Can you guess what my costume is, Jake? I'm one of T-Swift's body guards!" Doug Judy exclaims.

Jake's jaw drops open. "Oh my gosh, you look just like the one who kicked me out of that concert! That's awesome, Doug!" Jake says, rushing closer to Doug Judy.

"Didn't know that we were on a first name basis here," Charles mutters, trailing along.

"Did you do what I asked?" Jake says, pulling Doug into a hug. Doug slaps him on the back and Jake jumps.

"Of course I did, man. She got into your car, opened the glove compartment, took one of the badges, and put it into her purse," Doug Judy says.

"Which one did she take?" Jake asks in anticipation. Doug shrugs.

"I think the one that was less shiny."

Jake pumps his fist into the air. "Yes! We did it! Did you hear that, Doug Judy? We did it! We're going to win this hest big time!" Jake jumps into the air, moving his arms and legs around. "Sorry, Amy kinda has that effect on me. Her victory dance is rubbing off on me," Jake says giddily.

"What did you do?" Charles asks eagerly. "I mean, you told me to just trust you, and I do, one hundred percent, but I'm just itching to know what you did," Charles says, sending a mean glare at Doug Judy.

"Well, I dusted up the decoy badge that Kev gave me, and I polished the real badge! And obviously, I know that Rosa knows the Sarge's polishing routine, so she would know that the badge hasn't been polished in a while. So Amy took the dull badge, which is actually the fake badge! I'm a freaking genius!" Jake tells them triumphantly. "Thanks again, Doug."

Doug Judy waves it away. "Oh, anything for my main man," he smiles. "So, tell me, dude, how did Amy even know to call me?"

Jake laughs. "Oh, I started talking about how much I missed you―"

Charles snorts loudly.

"And how we loved to play pranks on each other a few months ago. So you know, she got that all planted in her head during movie night, so then she called you, bro. I planned all of it. It was awesome. I am a genius," Jake declares.

" We love playing pranks on each other, too! Jake! I love playing pranks on you! It's so much fun!" Charles says desperately, a bead of sweat dripping down his forehead. Jake continues on talking to Doug Judy.

"We forgot our handshake, dude!" Doug Judy says. They complete a series of what looks like a game of patty-cake, fistbumps, high-fives, jazz hands, and top it off with a turkey. "Turrr-key!" Doug Judy says. "Well, Jake, m'boy, I'll see you later. Bye for now!" Doug Judy turns the other way and sprints off.

"Man, I hate that guy," Charles mumbles under his breath as Jake grins.

"What was that? Let's head back to the bullpen, Charles," Jake smiles, tugging Charles by the arm and towards the building.

"Why is Jake in love with him and not me?" Charles says to himself as Jake, blissfully unaware, punches in a button in the elevator.

3:59 PM, October 31, Captain Holt's Office, Object of Heist (Actually) in Possession of Team Cool Boyz Jake and Charles

"I have called my husband. He has indeed confirmed that the badge is still in place, and there have been no problems with it," Captain Holt tells Terry. They are both interrupted by a loud crunching noise, and turn around to see Hitchcock sitting on Holt's couch, snacking on a bag of chips.

"Hitchcock, can you go do that somewhere else?" Terry says in annoyance. Hitchcock continues to ignore the pair. Holt sighs and turns back to Terry.

"Anyways, I trust that my husband is taking care of the badge. We have got this win in the bag, Sergeant," Captain Holt says. Terry nods joyfully.

6:37 PM, October 31, Babylon, Object of Heist in Possession of Team Cool Boyz Jake and Charles

Gina quickly walks through the hallways, barely looking up from her cell phone. She looks up once she has reached the secret entrance to Babylon, and quickly enters the secret bathroom. Tema Santiago 2k Gay Teen has taken turns going down to the secret bathroom and checking to see if the badge is safe and secure, and it is currently Gina's turn.

She quickly opens what looks like a ventilation pipe in the side of the wall at one corner of Babylon. The badge is still there, and Gina allows herself to release the dramatic breath that she had been holding in. Gina hurriedly shuts the pipe and heads out of the bathroom to tell the rest of her team that the badge is safe and sound.

9:07 PM, October 31, The Garage, Object of Heist in Possession of Team Cool Boyz Jake and Charles

Jake quickly gets into his car. "Thanks for bringing gas, Charles," he says.

"No problem, Jake! Anything for you!" Charles chirps as Jake starts his car.

"Quick, check to see if the badge is still there," Jake says, and Charles opens the glove compartment. He pulls out the badge and examines it in the dim light.

"Hmmm, it looks a little bit less shinier than before," Charles says suspiciously. "I didn't waste all that time polishing Sarge's badge for my efforts to go to waste, did I?"

"Aah, Amy must've gotten something on it when she took both of the badges out," Jake asserts. "Let's just get to your place and―" Jake's phone buzzes, and he parks at the shoulder of the road to open up the text he has just received. Charles leans over to see.

"What does it say?"

Jake begins to read it out loud. "It's from Captain Holt. It says, 'Attention, squad, we will meet at Shaw's at midnight to declare the winner of this heist. Be there on time. Sincerely, Raymond Holt.' That's weird. It sounds like he thinks he's going to win," Jake remarks. "But he's wrong. Because Team Cool Boys Jake and Charles is gonna win."

Charles squints his eyes. "We better be cautious, though, just in case. Holt might be planning something, you know. That guy is pretty sneaky."

"We'll be fine," Jake says uncertaintly.

9:10 PM, October 31, Outside of the Precinct, Object of Heist in Possession of Team Cool Boyz Jake and Charles.

"I have just sent the rest of the squad a text instructing them to meet at Shaws at midnight," Captain Holt says. "And Peralta, as usual, has replied with a string of emojis that are difficult to even look at."

"Maybe you shouldn't have finally gotten emojis on your phone," Terry shrugs. They stand outside of the precinct in the dark, watching costumed people walk up and down the streets. A teenaged boy sits on the curb and takes a swig from a bottle of vodka. Captain Holt sighs.

"Well, Jeffords, duty calls. Young man, you are underaged and therefore should not be consuming alcohol of any type!"

9:30 PM, October 31, The Rooftop, Object of Heist in Possession of Team Cool Boyz Jake and Charles

Rosa, Amy, and Gina stand together on the rooftop, gazing out to the busy street below them. Gina glances up from her phone. "Well, that's weird. Have any of you looked at your texts recently?" she asks.

Rosa and Amy both shake their head no. Rosa leans closer to Gina to catch a glimpse of what's so 'weird' on her phone. Gina lifts up the phone to show both of the detectives the screen.

"I got this text a while ago; didn't bother to actually open it up until now, but Holt wants everyone to come to Shaw's at midnight. As if he's going to win the heist," Gina says.

"As if," Rosa snorts.

"Team Santiago 2k Gay Teen is obviously going to win," Amy quips. "We'll just bring the badge to Shaw's at midnight and show everyone that we won," she shrugs. Rosa squints at Gina's phone screen and scrolls down a little bit.

"Jake replied; 'yeah right like you're gonna win it's obvious that team cool boyz jake and charles are gonna win not u' like he thinks that they're going to win," Rosa says.

"Their team name is l-ame ," Gina mutters.

"So lame," Amy agrees.

"We did leave the fake badge in Jake's car. Maybe they think that they have the real one or something," Rosa suggests.

"Maybe. We should go check on the badge, though," Amy says. "Rosa, it's your turn."

11:30 PM, October 31, Outside of Captain Holt's House, Object of Heist in Possession of Team Cool Boyz Jake and Charles

"That was really great of Kev― I mean, your husband to help us out with the heist," Terry says. Captain Holt pockets the badge with a satisfied look on his face.

"I have been waiting to win this heist for three years," he says, and the pair head to Terry's car. "We still do have about half an hour before midnight, though. Sergeant Jeffords, please drive slowly, as Shaw's is merely twenty minutes away from my home and we must announce ourselves at exactly midnight," Captain Holt instructs.

Terry looks a little befuddled but shrugs. "I'll do my best," he sighs. "Slow driving is not fun for Terry."

11:43 PM, October 31, Shaw's Bar, Object of Heist in Possession of Team Cool Boyz Jake and Charles

Amy, Rosa, and Gina enter the bar nearly fifteen minutes before midnight. They sit down at an empty table and make no attempts to order anything on account of Amy's rules. Rosa sighs. "Why are we here early, again?" she groans.

"Because we have to be here to announce our victory," Amy says for the fifth time. "If we're here before time, then no one will expect it."

"Um, everyone's going to expect you being here early," Gina says. "You're Amy freaking Santiago-Peralta. Always exactly right on time or early." Gina lifts her hand to flag down a waiter, and Amy slaps it down.

"We're staying sober until we've announced our win, remember?"

Gina rolls her eyes. "Calm down. I'm ordering a water. If I'm not hydrated by the end of each day, then I break out," Gina shudders. She picks her phone up from the table for the ninth time in a single minute, scrolling through something anxiously and then dropping the phone back down. Two seconds later, she picks it back up, and scrolls through again.

The eleventh time, Amy snatches Gina's phone away. "That is messing with my head. Stop doing it," she says, putting Gina's phone in the middle of the table.

"Hey!" Gina complains, but doesn't move to grab the phone again. Rosa leans over and rests her head on Gina's shoulder, stifling a yawn.

"I've been up since like forever. When will this all be over so that I can get some sleep?" Rosa murmurs, eyes half-closed. "I've literally been through like five different outfits today, and I wanna go home."

"After we win, and everyone says that we're the best human slash geniuses in the world," Amy promises. "Then we can all go home and pass out."

"Good," Gina says, reaching for her phone again. "And Rosa, you're not going home without me."

11:58 PM, October 31, Shaw's Bar, Object of Heist in Possession of Team Cool Boyz Jake and Charles

Captain Holt and Terry come into Shaw's. "Be subtle. Santiago's team is already here. We don't want them to see us, because we want to make a big announcement about the fact that we have won the heist," Captain Holt says.

"There aren't that many people here," Terry frowns.

"Great! I am able to announce my victory loudly then," Captain Holt says. "There are two minutes until midnight. No doubt Boyle and Peralta will arrive at exactly midnight to announce their false victory," Captain Holt snickers. He looks over to where Amy's team is sitting. "Look at them! They have already accepted their defeat!" Captain Holt says, referring to the fact that all three women are not fully awake.

"Yeah, they do look pretty bummed," Terry says. "We've got this."

12:00 AM, November 1, Shaw's Bar, Object of Heist in Possession of Team Cool Boyz Jake and Charles

Many things happen at once. A loud alarm goes off at Amy's table, waking the three women. Rosa immediately tosses the badge to Amy, who clambers up on the table and holds it up triumphantly."We won! We won!" she says lously, spotting Captain Holt.

Captain Holt has pulled out their badge, holding it up and staring at Amy in confusion. "No, that can't be correct. Terry and I have won!" he protests.

Taylor Swift's voice bursts out loudly near the entrance of the bar. The door is thrown open and Jake parades in wearing an oversized suit with aviator glasses. Charles trails behind him, carrying a set of speakers. Jake jumps up into the air.

"I know all of you have been waiting for us, and I know that you all know that you have lost…" Jake says loudly. He quickly thrusts the real badge up into the air. "Guess what, losers! I am the most amazing human slash genius that there is! Take that, wife! Take that, Captain! Boyle and I win!" he laughs.

Charles looks up at Amy and Captain Holt, both confused and holding up their own badges. "Haha!" he laughs. "We got you guys so good. Team Cool Boyz Jake and Charles forever!"

Terry grabs at the badge that Captain Holt is holding in terror. He turns it over in his large hands, and then sighs in defeat. "This ain't mine, Captain. They're right. This isn't my badge. I know my badge like I know the palm of my own hand," Terry says.

Captain Holt gapes. "How can that be? We kept the badge safe! We followed a plan!"

Terry walks over to Amy, and snatches the badge out of her hands. He runs his fingers over it and shakes his head. "This isn't mine either," he says. Rosa looks angry, and she scowls. Amy gets off of the table.

"Jake, you―" she starts angrily.

"Won! I won, thank you so much, my dear wife. I love you too," Jake says. "Now say it with me, everyone, Jake Peralta and Charles Boyle are the best―"

Terry has walked over and yanked the badge out of Jake's hands to confirm if the win is really Jake and Charles's. He puts it in his palm skeptically, and frowns. "This is not my badge, either! What the hell did you all do with my badge?!" he says angrily, much to everyone's astonishment.

Jake's jaw drops open. "What do you mean? That's your badge. Charles and I won the heist, and that's your badge. You're probably not thinking right. That's definitely your badge, Sarge," he babbles. "Are you drunk?"

"I know what I said, Jake!" Terry thunders. "That's not my badge!"

"How can that be? Where's the real badge, then?" Amy questions.

"You all better find my badge, or else I will make sure that all of you will never ever enjoy another day at work in your entire lives," Terry threatens. "Man, this might be worse than my favorite mango yogurt getting cancelled!"

Suddenly, winning the Halloween heist doesn't seem very important to anyone.

"Sarge, we'll find your badge," Amy promises. "We just have to retrace all of our steps. I'm sure it'll turn up. I mean, how far could it have gone?" she reasons.

"Damn it, you better be right, Santiago," Terry says menacingly. Amy seems to cower a little bit, until they are all interrupted by the sound of an acoustic guitar filling up the bar.

Jake frowns. "Those are some groovy tunes, but where are they coming from?" he wonders.

12:06 AM, November 1, Shaw's Bar, Object of Heist Lost

Mlep(clay)nos enters the bar, guitar slung over one shoulder. He nods his head towards the squad. "Good evening," he says rather stiffly, strumming out a tune.

"Mlepnos?" Jake asks. Mlep(clay)nos keeps a poker face on as he turns to face Jake.

"No. I do not know of whom you speak of," Mlep(clay)nos says quietly. "That is not my name."

Amy stumbles to Jake's side. "Oh, I know you! You're Mlepnos! You played music at Jake and my wedding!" she exclaims.

"No. That was not me," Mlep(clay)nos says again. "My name is not Muh-lep-nose," he sounds out. Mlep(clay)nos changes up the chords on his guitar and concentrates on the tune that he is currently playing. The entire squad watched Mlep(clay)nos play until the music is interrupted rudely by the sound of someone beatboxing along to the guitar music.

Jake's eyes widen. "Doug Judy! What are you doing here?" he asks. "You told me that you had to back to Greenland! Oh my god, did you lie to me? How could you?" Jake says overdramatically.

"I'm here for your celebration, of course! I helped you win, my dude!" Doug Judy says, clapping Jake on the back. Jake slightly winces, before sighing.

"He didn't win," Terry says, before Jake can say anything.

Doug Judy's brow furrows. "Then who did?"

Terry's shoulders slump. "No one did. The badge is missing," he says. Doug Judy's eyes seem to brighten a little bit. He chuckles loudly, much to everyone's surprise.

12:10 AM, November 1, Shaw's Bar, Object of Heist Very Close to Being Found

"SIKE!" Doug Judy rumbles. Amy squints her eyes skeptically at him, and Captain Holt frowns immensely. Jake looks at him in more confusion.

"What do you mean?" Gina says, glaring at Doug Judy. "Also, stop using modern slang. It only looks good when I do it."

"I mean, sike, as in I win," Doug Judy says, grinning from ear to ear.

"No you don't," Charles says, standing up with newfound courage. "You would need to have the real badge to win. Also, you're a loser and no one likes you," he adds stiffly at the end.

"And I have the real badge, little dude," Doug Judy laughs, ruffling Charles's hair. Charles yanks himself away in contempt. Doug Judy pulls out a police badge from inside of his coat, lifting it up for all to see. "See? I win," Doug Judy says triumphantly, drinking in all of the expressions of disbelief on everyone's face. Terry pushes his way to Doug Judy and snatches the badge out of his hand.

"Well, Sarge?" Jake asks.

Terry frowns. "It's mine," he mutters. "This badge is mine. But how did you come to acquire it!"

Doug Judy shrugs. "It was so easy, like, Amy thinks I'm working for her, and Jake thinks that I'm working for him, but like, I'm working for myself ! L-M-A-O, losers! I am Doug Judy, and I'm gonna rule the world with my hot future girlfriend Rosa!" Doug Judy exclaims joyfully. Rosa scowls darkly.

Jake slaps himself across the cheek. "I am so stupid," he groans. Nearby, Amy lift her palm to her forehead.

"I am an idiot!" she mutters. Doug Judy looks from Jake to Amy.

"Nice. Now I can see why you two are married You're both so alike!" Doug Judy says, causing everyone to stare at him in disbelief. "Hey, say, Diaz! You wanna get married? We could be grossly cute like these two dorks!" Doug Judy says, nearly dropping onto one knee.

"Go to hell, Judy," Rosa mutters. "I don't do cute."

"Except with me," Gina purrs, tucking an arm around Rosa's waist. Rosa seems to melt into Gina's grip before coughing and standing up straight.

"Well, I know that you guys have a traditional saying whenever someone wins your heists! Now, let me hear you all say it: Doug Judy is the best―" Doug Judy starts, looking pointedly at the Nine-Nine.

The entire squad scowls, but complies, muttering under their breaths. "Doug Judy is the best human slash genius," they whisper. It is barely possible to hear them.

Doug Judy puts one hand up to his ear. "I can't hear you! You especially, Diaz! Speak up, and let's try again," he says, smiling wickedly.

"Doug Judy is the best human slash genius," the squad says, a little bit louder this time.

"Still not hearing you, Diaz!"

"Doug Judy is the best human slash genius!" Rosa yells at him, immensely annoyed.

Judy throws back his head and laughs. "Love you too, Diaz! Anyways, let's party! Drinks are not on me!"

12:42 AM, November 1, Shaw's Bar, Winner of Heist Declared as Doug Judy, (SURPRISE! i'm sorry i have the worst plot twists. you could see that coming from a mile away), Badge is Now Safely In Terry's Possession

Half an hour later, everyone from the Nine-Nine is very drunk. Doug Judy and Jake stand in one corner, singing karaoke and dancing. Rosa and Gina are aggressively making out in one corner, and Amy is stumbling towards Jake. It looks as if Amy is on her fifth-drink, because she seems confident as hell and is about to rock the karaoke stage. Captain Holt watches them, cheering as Amy lifts a mic and opens her mouth to sing.

Terry claps ecstatically along to Mlep(clay)nos's continuing guitar music. "Happy Halloween!" he says loudly, downing a shot.

"Actually, it's November 1st now," the bartender interrupts. "Halloween is over."

Drunk! Terry stares at him. "Shut up, Shaw!"

"That's actually not my n―"

"Happy Halloween!" the Nine-Nine shouts.

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