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xxplastic-cubexx · 2 months ago

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In your professional educated psychology opinion. why is cherik Like That

i cannot give a Professional educated psychological opinion until at least may but as far as i can tell queer people cant be normal bout anything so thats why theyre like that

#snap chats #if i wanted to tbh i prob could do a Genuine Overview of Why Theyre Like That from a character study standpoint #not like the series aint givin me crumbs ...... obligatory 309 mention Do We Get Why Thats My Favorite Issue Now #its literally charles being his own therapist with erik as his mouthpiece. weird ass psychosexual episode like my god #this what i mean when i say queer people cant be normal cause whats that for...#idc if you explained it to me as erik being the embodiment of everything charles hates about himself #see now i wanna reread it but i left the issue at my moms !!!!!! im going back tomorrow for the weekend at least... i can read it then...#im still standing in astoundment...#and when charles said he became obsessive with finding other mutants after meeting erik #oh girl your break up was MESSY messy .... dare i say rebound era ...#charles you cant fill the void like that ......#anyway im gonna be sick now that im thinking of Iconic Cherik Things again i have made myself sick thinking of them #fym your feelings for erik was stronger than falling in love Kill Yourself PLEASE #ok ill stop. ill go now.#ask me this question again like four months idk im not a doctor and i never will be #should i go clinical just so i can pull a lorna and remind everyone of my phd every other day #very funny in theory but too expensive of a joke i fear and while i love a good joke My God.

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lunarharp · 2 years ago

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into the deep end - 30k T orufrey fic, focusing on memory trauma, disability, and romance.

the sweet oblivion of the victim, the poisoned freedom of the witch.

for one moment - it had felt like two parts returned - the needed reunion of two disparate halves. no more secrets, no more pain.

the moment you get to give back what you never wanted to take. that moment, under the night-blooming flowers, when they had both let out the same single broken sigh of relief.

but they were never whole to begin with, were they?

qifrey swore he wouldn't say 'sorry' to this man any more if he could help it - sorry is cheap now. he didn't want to be in a position ever again where you only have 'sorry' left. so he just looks down into the threads of his blanket, strains his eye until it hurts, feeling his insides - his throat, heart and head - burn with pain. he expects more, but olly says nothing.

olly says nothing.

#witch hat tag #orufrey #sorry i wanted to make a new post for my fic since the first illustration is new.#*stands in the middle of a desolate field in the pouring rain* Please Read My Tale...Blease..Oh god please..*collapses to the ground*#someone asked if there's spoilers in it. Um...yes. Sorry...it's about everything #maybe i should describe it more? it's about qifrey becoming more and more disabled - as i feel is his canon trajectory #and both of them processing the choices that have been made. it was necessary for me to explore this in order to fully understand orufrey #and for them to have the cathartic conclusion-that's why this is important to me for my witch hat fanwork making life. this connects it all #and having dived into qifrey's mind and lived through oru's feelings i was able to get to a place that is possible for them.#the hit/kudos ratio is so pathetic idek what happened. ppl opening it realising its long and saving it for later or just bailing lmfao #idek any more i hate advertising my writing i hate trying to get more ppl to read my long fics it's so hard 🥲#i'm so much prouder of this than my art...i was able to sink deeply into the orufrey feelings i had always wanted to fully explore #so. it's there lol.........i reread the date/kiss segment today after trying to forget about it thinking maybe the fic is just BAD lol #and like.....nope! i like it very much and this is what i was trying to get across. and it's always there to be read by anyone who wants to #and i will always remember the bliss i felt while writing when i was just lost in their world and living as them. dear GOD i love them.#i'm grateful to myself that i put in the work and love to make this so that i can always come back to it. i wanna illustrate scenes properly #but i'm never satisfied with drawing things i've written because i just can't capture the vivid experience in my mind. maybe one day.

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fingertipsmp3 · 3 months ago

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Maybe I did this to myself but it does irk me when people see me knitting and they ask who it’s for and I say it’s for me and the immediate reaction is “you should sell it” yeah… let me spend at least a week’s worth of my free time making an item I like, want, and would wear just to sell it on etsy, making at most a £2 profit on materials and not being compensated for my time whatsoever 👍🏻

#i say maybe i did this to myself because historically i have gifted most of the items i have knitted #because the venn diagram of things i like to knit vs things i like to wear is actually 2 circles that don’t touch #i looove making hats. i HATE wearing hats #also i love making baby clothes but i don’t have a baby and i’m not going to have a baby #however lately i’ve gotten really into knitting socks and i really like to wear knit socks. it’s like the most affordable way for me to get #quality wool socks. and i’m going to be watching my shows anyway. the time will pass anyways #but it feels like people are deliberately making me feel weird for wanting to make stuff for myself and not profit off my hobby #and like i’ve made 3 pairs of socks to gift already because ‘tis the season or whatever. and i’ve started another pair for a friend whose #birthday is in january #genuinely it’s very weird to hear ‘you should sell it’ or ‘oh i want one!!’ about an item i’m making for myself. after 18 years of gifting #or donating basically everything i’ve ever knitted. like i’ve gifted 2 double bed size crochet blankets #everyone i’ve known who’s had a baby has gotten a cardigan or a blanket or hats or all of the above #i spent october making poppies for the church. i’ve never even stepped foot in my village church mind you. my neighbour asked me to help #do you know what i own? that i’ve knitted? a pair of mittens and a pair of socks.#you want some socks from me? alright. that’s anywhere between £6 and £10 for the yarn and that’s optimistic #i’m currently making myself a pair with hand-dyed yarn that cost me £18 including delivery #the needles i use cost me more than £10. time… let’s call it 24 hours per sock #i don’t know anyone with 18 years experience who makes minimum wage so let’s call it an even 600 for my time. tbh #DO YOU SEE how this isn’t a viable side hussle??? i physically cannot charge what my socks are worth #if i like you and you’re willing to wait; socks are free or cost whatever the yarn costs #if i don’t like or know you venmo me £620. and you’re still going to have to wait.#just pisses me OFF when people suggest i make an etsy page and they say it like they’re doing me a favour or giving me great financial #advice. like you’ve seen me sitting here all evening and i’m barely done with the cuff.. do you actually think selling these for £20 maximum #is going to help me out. i’m not selling them. they’re FOR me. i’m making them because i want them #also when my friend’s family was saying this to me and i was like ‘well the yarn cost a fiver’ and they got quiet and i was thinking yeah…#a fiver is the maximum you cheapskates would pay isn’t it. a fiver is cheap sock yarn bought on sale. or yarn that probably isn’t actually #good for socks. like don’t presume to give me financial advice when you’re this out of touch with the market please #next person who asks when i’m going to start selling socks is getting this whole rant in entirety tbh i don’t care anymore #personal #edited to add that i didn’t even get into etsy fees or whether i would even be noticed among the mountain of dropshippers LOL

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sherlock-is-ace · 1 year ago

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#oh wow...#i just had an oh shit fuck moment #wow #i usually complain about the one therapist i had in my entire life and how she wouldn't just listen to what i was saying #if it didn't fit her textbook definition of whatever she was thinking at the time #and how i talked to her about my anxiety and how that made me feel and she would only focus on how i acted #so the example i gave her was the one time i went into a shop to buy something by myself #because my mom didn't want to go in for me and arguing with my mom in front of the shop in public and then inevitably have to #go in myself either way was way worse to me #because of the embarrassement of arguing in public. the fact that my mom was gonna spend the entire walk home telling me how i have to #''just suck it up and learn and just overcome my anxiety because i don't have a problem'' or whatever #and then having to go into the shop where the lady had been watching me from inside the entire time how i clearly didn't want to go in #and possibly be even more awkward with teary eyes because of the anxiety and awkwardness i already bring to the table any day...#all of those things that were going inside my head were trumped by the fact that i did go in and did buy what i needed #although my heart was coming out of my chest the entire time... all that didn't matter to my therapist because in her words:#''if you had anxiety. you simply wouldn't have gone in''#which is ridiculous #but anyways... i just had an epiphany... that was masking wasn't it?#forcing myself to do something that brings me major discomfort to make my mother and the shop lady not judge me?#pretend i'm a normal human being just doing normal things instead of someone who's about to have a heart attack buying embroidery thread?#panicking the entire time because i wasn't prepeared and hadn't scripted the entire transaction in my head?#yet still going in and putting on my ''normal person'' mask to try to seem like i wasn't just dying seconds ago (and still was)?#isn't that literally what masking is?!#and the ''autism specialist'' ass therapist was like ''if you did it then you don't have a problem''#when i'm literally telling her how much of a problem it actually WAS?!#you know what's the best part about all this #that when i told my mom after i left that therapist that she didn't listen to me because [insert everything above]#my mom's response was ''well sometimes therapist will say things that you don't want to hear but you have to accept them''....#same woman who's always saying how much she hates therapists because they ''will say whatever and pretend they know shit''#ok so it's only The Truth when I tell you it isn't...

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aventvrines · 2 months ago

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#i actually really hate how lazy ‘easy’ games have made me #i bought kingdom come deliverance 2 right and i was so looking forward to it after enjoying the first game #but the amount of genuine time and effort you need to put in to get the most out of the experience is just really tiring me out #i’ve been spending so much time on modding games like skyrim recently that i’ve just become so ensconced in that ‘easy’ playstyle #where i can have god mode on at the drop of a hat and not have to worry about actually playing the game like it was intended etc.#and it’s absolutely ruined my experience and i’m so MAD at myself that i literally cannot spend 5 minutes playing kcd2 #without wanting to put it down because it’s too hard and i can’t have everything at my fingertips the way i want 😭#pls i just want to play this game i KNOW i will genuinely love and adore #why must i be like this 😭#personal #.txt

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lunarharp · 1 year ago

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lazy scribbling of my baldur's gate 3 characters

#*emerges from 430 HOURS of life-changing playtime blearily like a lost and confused kitten*#i lost my interest in drawing bc everything is too sad & horrible right now. it was a luxury and privilege to lose myself in this instead #what follows will be my personal and trivial emotions about that #i'll do better proper drawings later. for me. they are both so very dear to me... deeply dear...unforgettable journeys of fate #truly have played like one possessed for the past few weeks. you have no idea. what do i do now. what do i do.#their personalities are so vivid to me though they mostly made the same choices. both intersex and they/them - canonically <3 #i missed out on FOUR PARTY MEMBERS in my first playthrough due to not understanding anything whatsoever.#gloaming ended up with wyll and pavane romanced karlach and astarion. and ended up with the one i did NOT plan on. this wasnt the plan #one of the most fulfilling romance paths i've ever..i cant say more..it all got too immersive and now i have to just.. MOVE ON ??????????#live in THIS world where i can't gut imperialism personally and emerge alive from that?#without Long Resting? without my character requesting a kiss from their beloved after a tough day ??#without preparing my little spells? without channelling divinity from my death god to keep us all alive?#without dyeing my man's clothes fancy colours for him? without him Approving whenever i lie and double-cross our enemies #without sharing clothes with my ex? without choosing to eat the heavy food first so that the weight is easier on her Carrying Capacity?#without orchestrating ways for all of my friends to kill the abusers that ruined their lives for a decade or even 200 years?#without experiencing degrading horrors on a daily basis but in a cathartic way where we always make it back to our rooms at the inn #WITHOUT SPEAK WITH ANIMALS???????????#at least there's music. just like with persona 5 that will always be with me. always #like how p5 melodies take me back to those feelings. those rich and personal feelings.... BUT THIS WAS A WAY MORE NUTS EXPERIENCE #i thought i would hate it. i did at times. thought it would desensitise me to various things. it did. but there was so much more..it was...#Well anyway *continues my life* imagine if dnd was real..something to think about

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carbonateddelusion · 5 months ago

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sits here. my mood has been swinging back and forth like a pendulum lately

#i still can't bring myself to make anything art-wise. and it is ripping me to shreds internally #i have no motovation whatsoever and i'm feeling disgusted by my creations. like that's the best you could do huh mixer?#i dunno. trying to keep calm. i'm going to my uncle's tomorrow to puppysit for 3 days #i'm happy that i'll see puppy but being out of my house will be stressful.#plus i've still got work to go to...#and i need to do the laundry and take out the trash and stop buying uber eats and forward my snap benefits email and.#and later today after high school lets out i'm going to talk with an old teacher i had #i need to change my bedding too..#i at least took a shower yesterday #i think my ptsd has been acting up in the background or something #my other uncle tries to tell me to let go of the past. but i don't want to. my past has forever impacted the way i'll be for the rest of-#-my life yk? and my 'past' wasn't even that long ago. it was 2/3 years ago. and my brother's still with that awful man #i can't pull him away from him.#i just wanna sleep. might take a sleep med early just to take a nap #i've been hating everything i make so like. why even try yk.#i drew one thing while i was hospitalized- a tiny sane jack head #i dunno. i dunno. i feel so empty. my depression's been super bad. i don't enjoy things that once made me happy #i feel so aimless. i'm thinking about going to college but i have to see what scholarships would be available because i can't work this job #WHILE in school. it'd wear me to the bone #i don't want to quit my job though. i like my job. i like my boss and my coworkers..#i dunno. idfk what's wrong with me anymore. i just want the pain to stop man.#i dunno what i want to do with myself but i feel like a. fuck it ik it's from firework but i feel like a plastic bag in the wind #i'm so tired. i miss my mom. i miss my sister. i miss my brother.#vent #delete later

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m0e-ru · 2 years ago

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HAPPY ANNIVERSARY to the day my brain was literally rewired and my gender was being changed by the second SO HERES A GAS STATION SPECIAL before this joint was even a gas station in the FIRST PLACE !!!!