#everything I touch turns to angst

[seagull-holiday]

Otherside

levi ackerman x reader (gender neutral)

There are plenty of things Levi has to get used to on the surface: harsh sunlight, authority and hierarchy under a free blue sky. And you, the eccentric squad leader Hange's best friend and assistant. Why does Levi surround himself with dreamers in a world of rude awakenings? And why does he let himself fall for you, when all love ends in goodbyes?

tags: angst, violence, death and blood, mild nsfw

i heard your voice through a photograph / i thought it up and brought up the past

They used to sit in the cavern and bask in the sun's rays together, Levi recalls. Him, Furlan, Isabel: they would lie on the grassy ledge, accessible only by ODM gear, watching the clouds through the chasm above their heads. There wasn't really any point in trying to get out - for one, the crumbly dirt and old tree roots wouldn't be the best for traversing with ODM gear, and once they got to the surface, it would be risky walking around with it on, but also risky to stash it somewhere and hope it didn't get found while they explored. It was simply a haven for the trio, where they'd watched Isabel's rescued bird take flight, and bask in the precious rays of the sun. Then one day, something else had fallen in. A metal cigar case, bouncing off the dirt walls and landing on an outcropping just below where they sat. Probably trash, Levi had scoffed. Some careless prick losing track of his shit. Isabel had scrambled to pick it up, but opening revealed neither trash nor treasure. Instead, inside the case was a neatly folded note. Whoever is reading this: the sun is still shining out here, and it is waiting for you all. I'm sorry life is so difficult for you. But there are some of us on the surface who are fighting for you, too. The battles within the walls are just as important as those outside because what are we fighting for, if not humanity? Levi had rolled his eyes. They don't know half of what it's like. What a pretentious shit. He'd wanted to throw it away, but Isabel had clutched it to her chest. No, let's find this person when we get out! But she never got the chance to. Isabel and Furlan, their lives reduced to a few meagre belongings in a box. Including this metal cigar case, this letter that Isabel had found so romantic. After his friends' deaths, Levi had taken it out to look at it, to see if new eyes would help him understand what had enamoured Isabel. That's how the pieces had clicked into place in Levi's head, when he'd seen you annotating some of Hange's notes, your handwriting juxtaposed with Hange's hasty scribbles. It all added up: the elegant, firm script, the idealistic nature that you had in common with Hange, the way you've been so annoyingly nice to him since he joined, despite his curt demeanour. Now, he watches you make your way across the courtyard to the library and he follows, your letter to the Underground in his breast pocket. When you are alone in the aisles, he pounces. "Was this you?" Levi waves a piece of paper in front of your face.

There’s something familiar about the creased paper, but you’re not sure what. “Well, I can’t see what it is if you’re flapping it around.”

“You ever drop a note through a bigass hole in the ground?”

Your eyes widen. There’s no way - it would be an insane coincidence that it’d ended up here, with him.

“I’ve dropped food and medicine down before, but I’d hoped to give a little hope with that letter… because dreams are self-sustaining. How lucky that you were the one to find it!”

“Alright, don’t get excited just yet.” Levi folds the note back up, slots it into the metal case. “It’s a crock of shit.” He looks you dead in the eyes as he says this, as he tucks the case away in his jacket pocket. To his surprise, you laugh. It’s not a mocking one either, but one of genuine amusement.

“What the hell is so funny?” Levi scowls.

“I dunno, just the way you said it. And it’s so refreshing to talk to someone who says what they mean.” There isn’t a hint of sarcasm in your tone. “So, what can I improve about it?”

Levi had expected disappointment or an indignant reaction, but not this. That must be one of the reasons why you and Hange are so close. It’s that curiosity shining in your eyes. To his dismay, it makes his heart soften, and he finds himself answering your question sincerely.

“People who are struggling don’t always have the time or space to think about anything beyond their current situation. You need to give them facts. What’s being done, what they can do.” The way you study his face intently and nod earnestly at his words causes warmth to creep up Levi’s neck. What is that? He’s not sure if he is irritated at you, or at the foreign sensation. Even when Hange stares at him like he’s a fascinating bug discovered under a rock, he’s never felt this… discomfort before.

“That makes sense… If people are too exhausted from simply living, they would be too exhausted to dream of anything. I guess that’s how the fat cats on top keep everything under control.” You trail off, and Levi thinks it would be a good time for him to make his exit, leaving you to your pondering. But for some reason, he doesn’t move, and it’s his turn to study you, your furrowed brow and the way you chew on your bottom lip, leaving it rosy. Then you brighten up again, and ask him: “Hey, I was gonna fetch a book for Hange and then have a cup of tea with them. Wanna come with?”

Damn. You already know Levi’s weakness. “It’s really good stuff too, but even better shared.”

“Fine.” He grumbles, and quickly looks away when you beam at him like you’ve won a prize.

-

well, centuries are what it meant to me / a cemetery where I marry the sea

"Levi, look!" Hange cackles as they hold up a slimy blob.

"Gross." Levi grimaces, but allows himself to crack a smile at Hange's pure excitement, and that smile widens as you come splashing over.

"Hange, that's my brain after talking to you." You snicker, pointing at the sea creature in your best friend's hands.

"Ha! I'm taking that as a compliment. Actually, do you think this thing has any brains?!" Hange jiggles it around slightly.

"I dunno, but it could have a ton of venom in it, so I think you should put it down."

"But the texture! You should try holding it, it's just fascinating!"

Levi snorts. "If that thing has any brains, you're probably scaring the shit out of it, Four-Eyes."

As Hange returns the blob to the water and resumes poking around through the shallows, you wade back to the shore to stand with Levi. Sharing a moment of silence, you watch as the other scouts splash around in the newly-discovered sea. Only Eren stands still, knee deep in the azure waters as he stares into the distance.

"I wonder if Eren's okay." You murmur. Always so worried about others, Levi thinks to himself. He remembers the time he got sun-stroke, when he was still new to the Corps. Of all things mighty and insidious that Levi had to face since he was a child, it was heat exhaustion that had forced him out of action for the first time. The Underground was cold, dank, and dark - this had never been a consideration for him. Despite his weak protests, you'd sat by his bed for hours, pressing wet towels against his skin. The fact that he became known as humanity's strongest never stopped you from doting on him, scolding him, teasing him. When he'd broken his leg fighting the Female Titan, he'd pushed away your worries and - he regrets - your touch, but there were still packages of tea, snacks, handwritten notes left on his desk every other day.

"Eren? He's probably just feeling overwhelmed."

"I can understand, it's... Endless. I'm used to feeling small, from dealing with Titans and city walls. But this feels different. It makes me feel like if we were all to disappear one day, it wouldn't even matter."

Your words make Levi's heart twist and he grabs your hand to alleviate it. You jump slightly at the sudden movement but are quick to lace your fingers with his, and he is reminded of your first kiss. In his office one evening, recalling your body twitching in surprise as he pressed his lips to yours, before you melted against him completely.

"It would matter to someone." He insists. "It would matter to everyone on this beach." He rubs the pad of his thumb in circles against the back of your hand.

In circles, the gulls fly overhead. Time goes in circles, and love chases after it.

-

a scarlet starlet and she's in my bed / a candidate for the soulmate bled

Through the years, Levi has seen you soar through the air, crash into dirt, get covered in blood and mud. Holding a sword, a flower, a teacup. But this is how he likes you best: freshly showered and in his bed. Damp and pliant, you sigh against him as he presses his lips to yours in an open-mouthed kiss. Levi's hands are rough but his tongue is soft, mapping out the planes of your body and taking his time to do so. The way Levi loves you is so characteristic of him, methodical and relentless. He doesn't stop until you are satisfied and then some, before he lets himself be greedy with you too, allows his composure to fall apart. Nothing else exists except you and him, even after the peak of passion has subsided and you are left spent and quiet against his chest.

But every time, in the morning after he can't stop dread from climbing back into his skin from where he left it on the bedroom floor. For all he knows, this could be as fleeting as the rising sun's rays across your sleeping form.

-

turn me on, take me for a hard ride / burn me out, leave me on the other side

When Levi eventually wakes up, the relief surging through Hange brings them to their knees. The fact that he survived the explosion from the Thunder Spear that Zeke had detonated was nothing short of miraculous - and a miracle had all been Hange was holding out for. After yet another hole had been punched through their heart.

"What happened to everyone else?" Levi asks. For some reason, he doesn't dare speak your name, but Hange can read what his remaining good eye says.

And in turn, he can tell from their face that the answer is heartbreak.

"Levi... I'm sorry." Hange's throat tightens. There was nothing they could have done - they were in chains and being forced to watch Keith Shadis' beating while you were imprisoned by Floch's lackeys. And your body had been cold by the time Floch had dragged Hange to your cell, blood from gunshot wounds coagulating on the stone floor. Hange had wanted to scream or cry or do something, but all they could do was stand there numbly, looking at the corpse of their best friend.

Turns out, humanity's strongest had a weakness, Floch had sneered. A loyal little dog.

My men tell me that Ackerman's lapdog went rabid when they caught it. Killed a few of them too, a damn shame. Well, looks like they saw fit to put it down themselves.

Hange doesn't tell Levi that part.

Levi turns his face away, and the firelight glimmers wetly in his eye.

With no time to grieve properly, it is all he can do to hope that you are out there watching over him. He hopes you are watching when the remnants of the 104th avenge your death at the battle for the airship, and he hopes you are there to welcome Hange with open arms when they fall in a blaze of glory, vanishing beneath the Wall TItans' feet. When the Rumbling is over and his body broken he thinks he sees you in the smoke, standing alongside Hange and Erwin and everyone else he has lost. Most of all, he hopes you are watching when he finally finds some peace, retiring to a quiet life after decades of struggle. Levi didn't know why he let himself fall in love with you, when all love ends in goodbyes. But, he doesn't regret it.

-

notes: sorry i ran out of time and brainpower to proofread.. but anyway the 'chapter' headings and title are from Otherside by Red Hot Chili Peppers cause it weirdly fit what i planned to write

[onejellyfishplease]

am evil

[discoknack]

Poor Lucas, man.

[kovalitics]

Previous | Part 11 | Next

Guess what, we only got 2 updates left :))

(Inspired by @abbeyofcyn’s Krang Infection comic)

[thebad-lydrawn-sanses]

followers: oo soup

Soup: cat au

Ingredients: cute cats, fluff, literal fluff, drawing people/things too big/small, angst

Creator: (DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT)

<followers> hrngh

<followers> soup

followers tried to swim in angst

[max-the-silly-guy]

The moment I saw @theizzizzy 's doodle/lore dump I immediately dropped everything I was doing and drew something

TW: A bit of blood

why did I use a lyric from class of 2013 by mitski? specifically this one? cause I have a theory on who Newton is gonna "accidentally" kill... A GAME THEOR-

anyways, here's the version without the text

stop torturing him Izzy, he's been through enough :((

[one-winged-dreams]

AND FINALLY, PHASE THREEEE

Anyway, this sweet little romance (mostly sweet, it's still kind of fucked up on Nel's part since he's fucking insane) goes on for quite a long time.

Even into Nel's descent into -gestures wildly-

He is, again, FUCKING INSANE, but he's going to do what he's going to do anyway, ethics or morals be damned.

But more than anything, he doesn't want his precious lover to know about what he REALLY is. Not because he knows it's wrong but because he doesn't think it would suit him. Dia's too pure and beautiful, a true attendant to the sanctity of Life. He can't stain him with anything that's currently taking place in Abberus. And he does so well to keep it from him, but Dia KNOWS Nel. The further he slips into madness, the more Dia can see it. It's eating him up inside but, ironically enough, Nel is too obsessed with keeping him away from it to notice.

But he DOES start thinking. Nel himself is changing, every step he takes is turning him into something else. It's going to be ugly and violent and wrong, and he can't show Dia but he R E F U S E S to let him go. He will NEVER let him go.

And so he sets a contingency plan in case he ever finds himself in a state that Dia wouldn't be safe around. If he were to ever lose himself too early, he needs to keep Dia somewhere safe and somewhere he can NEVER be touched by whatever Nel is becoming.

And so he prepares, JUST in case.

And at some point during his madness in Abberus (or something, still working on the timelines), he doesn't even notice Dia had come to find him until he's standing right there in front of him, his eyes full of frantic tears and asking him why. He's begging him to just come home, please don't let yourself be changed anymore, where is his Earth Warder now? The Earth Warder that he loves so much that he'll do anything to just bring him home?

And it hurts him so fucking much, Dia looking at him like that is immolating him, he's in so much agony it's almost unbearable. And more than anything, the way his corruption is reaching out to brush its fingers against his Dia is enough for him to slam him into a containment chamber, touch the other side of the glass on which Dia is still frantically banging on and begging him to take him home, and smile that charming fucking Neltharion smile and tell him he'll bring him home after everything is over. And then, after an insurmountable amount of time has passed, Nel's last three descendants find a stasis unit with an untouched Ruby in it.

And they open it.

Okay, never fucking mind, I have brain worms and I need to get them OUT, so I'm gonna risk passing out in my chair and eating shit for the sake of this awful fucking man

Initially, this was just supposed to be the dragon version of the Prestor and swan!insert ship. Doe-eyed idiot falls hook line and sinker for a handsome powerful man and he just is like 'okay cool whatever' and has a lot of fun just playing around with him in his weird 'i love you but i don't' way.

AND IT SORT OF STARTED THAT WAY???

PART ONE of the Nel and Dia ship progression.

(cut for length)

Step 1 ) Nel notices one of Alexstrasza's personal tenders is always stumbling over himself whenever he's around, he's wondering where he's seen him before but doesn't really think too hard about it.

Step 2 ) At some point Alex addresses Dia in front of Nel. He vaguely remembers the name from Dia's visage day when Alex asked him about his gender presentation because dragons respect trans rights in this house. He was just like "Oh, I don't know, I just let it happen. Does it look okay?" and everyone has a heart attack from how cute he is. Nel not entirely an exception but in a passing sort of 'that's interesting i guess' sort of way.

Step 3 ) Nel is progressively taking note of Dia whenever he's around because it's BRUTALLY clear that Dia is head over heels for him. Which, I mean, it wouldn't be the first time one of the regular drakes crushed on an Aspect, but he's cute and it's kind of fun to fuck with him. Because he's Nel and he's awful.

Step 4 ) At some point Dia gets sent on an errand to the Obsidian Citadel and Nel can't NOT eat the poor boy alive. The black dragons are just GLEEFULLY watching their Aspect tear this young Ruby's composure apart. Because Nel has always been described as super charming in the lore, old-god-crazy notwithstanding. And Nel, being such a CONSIDERATE and NOBLE Earth Warder, insists that Dia stay while the errand is completed. Wouldn't make sense for him to go back to the Life Shrine and then have to make the trip both ways AGAIN, right?

Step 5 ) Dia's soul leaves his body.

Step 6 ) Nel is absolutely bored out of his mind at any given moment so might as well get to know his little admirer. And the more they talk the more the cute aggression starts to build up and Nel's like "Oh I can't NOT fuck him." So he decides he's gonna shoot his shot but SLOW BURN IT.

Step 7 ) Suddenly Dia is making a lot of requests to volunteer whenever anyone needs anything from the Citadel. Alex doesn't really mind all that much but she IS squinting at Nel from across the Waking Shores.

Step 8 ) The progression of intimacy is SO long and convoluted, with one of the stages being Nel inviting Dia to sleep in his visage bed while Nel is away, he doesn't mind, he has things to attend to anyway and Dia is SO sweet and helpful, it's the LEAST he could do.

Step 9 ) Dia does VERY little sleeping that night. Nel knows this because the smell is EXTREMELY evident when he comes back. Experiment success?

Step 10 ) Little near misses of intimacy turn to intimate BONDING, turn into finally [EXPLITIVE EXPLETIVE EXPLETIVE EXPL-]

Nel is very pleased with himself, especially now that he's got a new toy that's ripe for playing with.

BUT WAIT- THERE'S MORE!

(continued in the next post)

[mercymaker]

i need soft malstarion in my life like a person waking up at 4am needs water

[lem-argentum]

it took me until dt to change rudy's hairstyle, but i ACTUALLY think he would've cut it back in post-stb when he became a reaper. the trope of "character cuts hair to feel more in control of their life" is cliché but REAL. and also the visual of him cutting it with his scythe is fun

[ganondorf--apologist]

I'm writing a one-shot fic about The Collector...

[handfulofmuses]

Me when I first started writing Cheezi: just goofy shenanigans, my least Angsty muse and I don’t want to lean too much into angst territory, just want goofy stuff somehow always manages to avoid putting Angsty stuff

Me now: I want Cheezi angst

[onejellyfishplease]

You cant hurt MIKEY THATS MY JOB. !!

hehehehehehe

what are u gonna stop me? i can traumatise anyone i want! not just Donnie :) /lh

[firewoodfigs]

i downloaded shonen jump and have been snacking on SxF all night long and have been picking up my twiyor fic with renewed vigour omg i need to YELL about this

[offsidekineticist]

I see Theo lugging around a copy of one of his favorite books as a kid, mysteriously finding it in the ashes of Kenabras. It's always his favorite, no matter the timeline he's in.

Ooh, I hadn't thought about it before, but it fits so well, especially with his "Someone else is the KC" timeline, that I was almost immediately able to say what book it was, so I'm gonna call that a 10/10

(Also I am so sorry for the novel length rambling that this spawned.)

CW: fratricide, abandonment issues, book burning, and the rise of a repressive regime

It was a heretical children's book about the death of Ihys, Asmodeus's elder brother. Without getting too deep into it, Ihys and Asmodeus had a war over free will (Ihys thought it was cool, Asmodeus not so much), pretty much all the gods got dragged into it, etc. It ends when Asmodeus and Ihys meet to talk, and Asmodeus extends his hand in friendship before running Ihys through with his spear. Then, having won the war, Asmodeus decided to pretend he lost the war and retreated to hell for...reasons (the explanation varies by source)

So Theo's favorite book tells this story, and it was written by a particularly radical (and subsequently excommunicated) priest of Sarenrae (arguably Ihys's successor the way Iomedae is Aroden's successor). It's heretical because it suggests that Asmodeus did not intend to kill Ihys, only maim him so that he had to surrender. The book further posits that Asmodeus allowed free will to stand because once Ihys died, free will was essentially his legacy - if free will was done away with, nobody would have reason to remember him, and Asmodeus couldn't have that because he loved his brother. The conclusion, of course, is that everyone, even the most wicked of devils, has some goodness in them. (Note that Sarenrae maintains Asmodeus retreated because she kicked the shit out of him for killing her mentor in a cowardly betrayal, and that she also thinks Asmodeus is too far gone for redemption, so the church of Sarenrae reeeeeeeally isn't a fan of this book, lol)

Why is this Theo's favorite? Well, he found it for the first time about a year after moving to Brastlewark, so it might have something to do with how his fear of abandonment made him assume Regill was only his friend out of convenience and would leave him as soon as he had the opportunity. Ihys was an example of someone in what Theo saw as a similar position who didn't let that get in the way of his duty to his younger brother. And the idea that Asmodeus might actually still love Ihys gave Theo some hope that maybe Regill did love him on some level, even though he was going to leave him.

(6-year-old Regill, btw, hated the book bc the pictures of devils gave him nightmares, and the ending made him cry. Don't bother asking him about it, he will deny this to his dying day.)

Fast forward 30 years. The Thrunes have taken over Cheliax and the Order of the Rack is burning books across the country. Brastlewark is shielded from the worst of Thrune's atrocities because...uh...I think the gnomes scare them? But the king of Brastlewark is firmly in Thrune's pocket, so I headcanon Brastlewark still has book burning, they just conduct it more like Guy Fawkes Day. And of course, one of the first books to go on the pyre is this heretical children's book. If Theoven isn't the Knight-Commander, he's right there: he's a librarian - he manages the public repository of books, specifically the children's books. Which means that, because the Order of the Rack isn't managing these pyres, part of his job is collecting the books and lighting the pyre. And, obviously, refusing is not an option.

And it's there, burning his favorite book, committing an anathema against his mother's favorite god, estranged from his brother who helped bring this world about, watching his father and neighbors happily enjoying "the festival," that Theoven Derenge begins to lose his battle with the bleaching.

[awkwardcourage]

@gingerspiice asked: just take a few deep breaths.

Hughie latches onto Frenchie's voice more than the actual words. He is trying to breathe, but it's like there's a stopper in his esophagus, there's vices on his lungs, they won't expand properly no matter how hard he tries. It was something so innocuous. It was nothing. Fucking nothing. Frenchie wasn't even in the same position Robin had been in. He was just walking out into an empty road, holding Hughie's hand; Frenchie had turned back to look at him and Hughie was back on the curb, blood dripping off his face, hands full lifeless hands that clung to him even in death.

He can't let that happen. Not to Frenchie. Not to his Serge, his fluer. Not ever again.

Hughie doesn't remember yanking Frenchie out of the road, hard enough to pull his arm out of his socket. He doesn't remember how he got to where he was now, sitting in an alley with his head between his knees. He knows that this is a panic attack, he isn't dying and neither is Frenchie, but that isn't helping. He still can't breathe.

[pa-pa-plasma]

heehee hoohoo wordcount go up