#everyone's entitled to their own opinions and i'm usually very live and let live

[shaanks]

okay listen here are my long ass unprompted two cents:

The popular fandom concurrence that Luffy doesn't bathe often, and only usually when he's dragged in there or in a group setting, is correct.

The popular fandom concurrence that this is because he's a dumb stinky baby that doesn't understand hygiene and scratches his ass and sniffs it in public, is categorically false. (and also annoys me and feels in line with other ways that the fandom tends to infantilize Lu and downplay his intelligence, but that's gonna have to be a post for another day.)

Think about That One Thing that happened to you when you were a little kid. Maybe you fell down and broke your arm. Maybe you got stung by a wasp. Maybe, just maybe, you fell into a pool and almost drowned.

Bad things that happen to us in childhood will stick with us well into adulthood, and likely for the rest of our lives. Fears and traumas from our formative years shape the way we think, and require a ton of effort and, often times, professional intervention to unlearn the coping mechanisms for.

Luffy had a ton of really traumatic shit happen to him as a child, and a LOT of those things revolved around a consistent series of near-drownings. With the bandits when Shanks had to come save him, which involved nearly drowning AND, as a result of that deeply frightening, very painful event, the witnessing of his mentor and father figure getting his fucking arm bitten off saving him.

Then, over and over and over again, in the jungle with Ace and Sabo. The first few times he really did nearly die, because the boys didn't realize he couldn't swim, and just stood up there, jeering and laughing at him until the bubbles stopped coming up and they realized something was wrong.

Every time they went over a bridge or fought some animal or had run-ins with dangerous adults, the chance that Luffy would have a near-drowning event was ever-present and always non-zero.

It's shown in canon that, during the rare times they came back to Dadan's hideout for baths, Luffy was hesitant to join in, not because he enjoyed being dirty, but because he was visibly frightened to get into the water barrel, and needed support to do that.

Even into his adult life, this problem has persisted, and it doesn't matter how strong he gets or how many techniques he learns, there is nothing he can do but hope someone saw him fall if he ends up in the water again.

Getting water in your nose and lungs hurts. Getting it in your eyes hurts. It can take ages to run out of your ears, it can make you sick, we're not built to have water outside of its designated metabolic areas.

It's the only real weakness he has, and nearly every non-beverage run-in he's had with water in his entire life, since the age of like 5, has been some level of dangerous and traumatic. The kind of mental fortitude involved in pulling his Water Luffy stunt in Alabasta is, for him, just as much a show of the ferocity of his loyalty as anything else, despite how objectively silly it looks (and how comically angry it makes Crocodile).

Luffy doesn't bathe often, not because he's stupid, not because he's lazy, not because he doesn't "get soap" or whatever nonsense reasons are floating around, but because water scares the shit out of him, and he's not very good at articulating that emotion, nor the need for support that fear entails.

Thank you for coming to my tedtalk.

[acti-veg]

hi,

i was wondering if you think severely mentally ill people should have euthanasia as an option

i know this might be a difficult question to answer so please don’t feel you have to but i value your opinion

bc i believe the level of mental health support needed by some people does not exist, and they may suffer immensely their whole lives

i know you have to consider various factors including the effect on family etc but say someone has an incurable mental illness, wants to die and has no loved ones - and may actually cause more harm alive than dead - should they be allowed to die?

say the decision is not impulsive but they’ve suffered with their mental health for many years and tried lots of forms of treatment which hasn’t helped?

i feel all of the above apply to me apart from i do have family who wouldn’t want me to do it but at the same time staying alive for decades when you’re suffering pretty much constantly seems like a big ask :(

I'm going to try to answer this as a general ethical question. Whether I believe assisted dying should be an option for those who have been through the proper processes and can receive the relevant care, and whether I believe you specifically should be 'allowed to die' are totally different questions. I am not comfortable even commenting on the latter one given that I am not a professional and have very little information to go on, as I'm sure you can understand.

I believe in the right to self-determination for everyone, so long as they have the capacity to make their own decisions. That should include both how we live our lives, and the manner and timing of our deaths.

The practicalities and various lines that must be drawn are complex, but organisations like DIGNITAS already provide a good model. They require that participants be of sound mind, but what they mean by that is really just that the person is capable of making their own decision about their own condition. Their statement on the matter includes the following:

"Contrary to a widely-held opinion, people suffering from mental health problems normally have sufficient capacity of discernment to decide whether they would like to continue living or end their life. Therefore, and as a general rule, they are entitled to ask for an accompanied suicide and receive assistance just as much as people suffering from physical health problems, in order to avoid the high risk of failure. The same applies to healthy people who wish to end their life because they feel that it has become too arduous for them due to old age. There are no rational reasons to patronise these people through paternalism."

Of course, this is all has to be determined by a process of conversations and assessments by professionals. I would say though, that nobody should be dying because they can't access proper mental or physical health care; an organisation like DIGNITAS can only really provide it's intended function in a society where healthcare is accessible. Otherwise, you essentially just have 'your options are deal with it or die,' and we can't let those be the only choices available to people.

It's a difficult thing to think about and there will never be any ideal 'solution', but we have to stop assuming that someone wanting to end their life necessarily means that they are in some way deranged or cannot be trusted to think for themselves. People must be allowed to make their own decisions about their own healthcare, which should include both passive and active euthanasia.

Again though, I want to emphasise that this is a scenario where someone has access to proper mental health care, have been through the relevant assessments, the legal processes, made arrangements for what happens after death, disclosed all of this to the relevant parties and is being properly assisted. That won't be the case for someone thinking about this in isolation, who do not have access to a service like DIGNITAS. In short, assisted dying and suicide in the way we usually think of it are not the same thing.

For what it's worth, I'm always here if you want to talk to someone. Even if you just need someone outside the situation to vent to, then my inbox is always open. Take care of yourself, anon.

[hogwarts-legacy-confessions]

Anon writes:

Saw that anon about people forcing pairings on specific rarepair zone and I agree with that. There's another baffling thing about this fandom that irks the living hell outta me and that is this whole behaviour of people declaring their personal headcanons gospel and forcing them on others.

I don't give a hoot if they do it on their own blog/space cuz that's YOUR place to fantasize. People who don’t care for your headcanons can block your account/filter and go their separate ways, since the headcanons they don't agree with should be contained within that personal creative space.

But it irks me when these people go to other people's comment sections and force their personal headcanons. The nicer version of these comments usually will backtrack but it’s still frustrating to have to go through while I'm looking for comments to interact with.

It’s concerning that these same people will attack others for their own personal ships or other specifics about NPCs in the game if those do not fit their narrative, accusing people of problematic viewpoints, just as we have seen anons do on this blog do before.

A lot of the headcanons are not even supported by the source material and are exactly that: headcanons without any evidence of truth in the game.

The beauty of everyone playing the same game with different perspectives is that we are all entitled to our own opinions about ships and other aspects of the NPCs. A lot of the characters are left ambiguous and their actions toward the player character are also ambiguous and can be taken any way the player might choose to see it.

This whole pushing headcanons as canon is very creativity-limiting but it feels like it's somehow seen as acceptable behaviour in this fandom.  It’s very childish and frustrating to others in the fandom when people refuse to accept different perspectives and opinions on the characters. I have been in multiple fandoms, some even straight-up toxic but this is the first time I see this particular behaviour so prevalent. It honestly feels like dealing with children because someone is writing or creating content that doesn’t fit into the space of your head canon or interpretation. Let others fantasize in the space they wish and you stay in yours!

[mareenavee]

Criminal asks! *grabby hands*

8, 15, and 22 please :)

Maple!! I was half wondering if you'd made this ask game before I saw the actual post this morning LOL. They seem like your kind of discussions, and I'm here for it.

Thank you for these!

From this caustic ask game right here.

8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

We're all entitled to our opinions, but I refuse to believe Ondolemar actually wants to be a Thalmor. He does some real RIEKLING BEHAVIOR SHIT in the Embassy for you if you get some bard or whatever arrested for their Talos-flavored nonsense. (Please, I hate this quest as much as the next person. I'm definitely live and let live ambivalent about Talos nonsense.) Granted, to get him to help here, you yourself have to not be a [redacted] idiot with the vocabulary of a Riekling yourself. :>

If he agrees to help you, then you get this gem of a conversation five feet from Elenwen, who is, presumably his superior:

Ondolemar: "How dare you speak of the Thalmor in such a disgusting manner!" Razelan: "What? I didn't... hmm? No listen, you must have misunderstood... I would never openly insult your... that is to say..." Ondolemar: "Your insults and provocations have gone far enough! I'd kill you where you stand if I wasn't bound by my oath as an officer of the Aldmeri Dominion."

This is Riekling Behavior. It is Causing Problems On Purpose for some [redacted] just because they helped with a simple quest he could have definitely thrown his power around to accomplish without thievery and tomfoolery.

To my eye he wanted to see if you, the player, were willing to throw away all reason to help him, and do so without getting your ass caught and thrown in jail. He needs people who can manage simple tasks without getting the entire government involved so he can trust you in the future. For what? Very out of character to LET IN RANDOM PEOPLE to secret Thalmor business in a secret Thalmor unjoinable faction.

He does not want to be part of this and/or is trying to do something about them. Bet. (Anyway thanks for coming to my TES talk.)

15. That one thing you see in fanart all the time

Hmm. I am usually in awe of fanart to be perfectly honest. But I suppose, and this is likely my very Aro/Ace brain, if I see a lot of fanart of pairings of OC/NPC, and I can't tell what the OC's deal is outside of who they are paired with -- ie, set aside, they have no personality at all on their own, then I'm going to be a little less likely to give the art attention. I want to know who the characters are, not just who they're [redacted.] Ya know what I mean? Sorry that's pretty blunt but it's true. I think this is why my favorite fanart is from or for people whose characters are part of a larger work -- ie a comic or a fanfiction. So I can understand the character.

This is specifically about fanart of pairings with no story other than x OC is with x NPC, that's it, that's their story. I am usually still in awe of just OC artwork, or just NPCs. And yeah there's always going to be exceptions but the question brought to mind maybe three artists I find myself bored of seeing work from LOL out of the hundreds I do love to follow.

22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

...Am I allowed to say Athis here?

Okay so. I don't think I have to defend him to you, Maple lol (: But for others who may be out of the loop -- we stan a good Athis and we just want him to make something of his life. Yes, yes.

Anyway he exists. He's that one elf dude in the Companions? That one, yes. He was a shell of a character, yes, in Vanilla. He also looks a bit... We'll just keep our opinions on the vanilla art direction to ourselves in this case. Anyway it's little wonder he's been ignored...

But yes, please, you're ignoring a favorite bean, friends. Write more Athis. I don't even care how you write him, but please. Join me in the tag. LOL he deserves attention.

I picked him for World because he was a shell character and due to the project I've become enamored of all the iterations that could be. So ... join me in the brain rot. Yes, thank you.

[thoughtsforsoob]

responding to the anonymous hater in my inbox

a/n: guys it was so hard to write this response with eloquence but I wanted to show that I'm capable of not letting anger completely control my actions! while I did consider turning off anon for a while, I decided that would be fair to those who want to request without showing their actual profile. also, please be kind to others. you never know what someone else is going through.

(I put a break so that you don't have to read if you don't want to!)

the comments sent to my inbox:

“You're content actually sucks. You should quit now😢😢”

“I recommend going to university for journalism or writing or something, cause your writing sucks. And everyone who follows you have zero taste whatsoever. Imagine how the people you write about would feel if they knew you did this. They'd probably hate you. You have no real love for them, just lust”

“Miss 'Ari', I find it hilarious how women always complain about people sexualizing them, while dressing in the lamest excuse for clothing ever. Yet, look at what you write about. I'm sure if a random guy in your life wrote these things about you, you'd call him a creep. So, what does that make you, Ari? “

—

my response:

I just want to write this message to the person who sent me all of these extremely disrespectful comments. I do not appreciate that fact that you left these but, everyone is entitled to their opinion! If you had some constructive criticism that would have been helpful but you chose to just outright be rude, which is not cool at all. I know this is cliche but I highly doubt you would appreciate if someone did this to you or someone you care about. Then again, I question if you truly have the capability to care about anyone but your own ego. 

Not that I need to justify myself to you but your little jab about “going to university” is pointless because I am in uni. I am studying English and Japanese. If anyone between the both of us understands grammar and language as a whole, it would most likely be me.  

Lastly, this sort of writing has been around for a long time and it isn’t going to stop. I have the ability to respect my idols and write this content as well. I’ve been to concerts and have been about to compose myself like I usually do at shows. I actually saw txt live twice and composed myself like a normal human being (im not sure if you could say the same but I’ve seen them in person and had an interaction of 2). I’m sorry if that makes you upset or jealous. 

If the roles were reversed, I truly wouldn’t be very bothered because as an artist you should know this type of content exists. If you don’t wanna see it, don’t. If you do, then you can. There are literal videos of artists/actors/kpop idols reading thirst tweets but thats not weird according to people like you. 

I will not waste another moment of my life responding to your disrespect but I did wanna let you know what I thought about your commentary on my writing. Please have a good life and find peace. 

[moonflower-rose]

I posted 951 times in 2022

37 posts created (4%)

914 posts reblogged (96%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@everythingfox

@onbeinganangel

@but-the-library-of-alexandria

@alltoowell-blog

@onemadeofglass

I tagged 58 of my posts in 2022

#rosie answers - 13 posts

#my asks - 12 posts

#fanfic ask game - 6 posts

#drarry - 3 posts

#jason momoa - 3 posts

#my fic - 2 posts

#lamen - 2 posts

#curators on tumblr - 2 posts

#that ass - 2 posts

#god damn - 2 posts

Longest Tag: 103 characters

#and i absolutely can smell specific things like ploughed earth and oncoming rain and wet cement and hay

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Ugh you’re back

22 notes - Posted August 18, 2022

#4

I’ve forgotten how to do any tumbling, but hello strangers, I made this:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/41093517

36 notes - Posted August 18, 2022

#3

Do you have to be so rude? I'm not the person who asked for recommendation, lol. I was just curious about sitp-recs opinion on the matter. You just insulted two people for literally no reason. Are you okay?

Lol mate are you? I do indeed need to be rude, I really do. And my care factor for whether anons get insulted by it is immeasurably small.

People who use the various anonymous features of various platforms to be dicks to other people are the ones who are the dicks, you see.

If we all meekly say nothing about it, we’re kind of saying that behaviour is fine and normal, and that we accept it. So the people who do it keep doing it from behind their invisibility cloaks and experience no consequences, while the people receiving the asks (and other forms of anonymous message) who generally are just trying to live their lives and create things to be shared and enjoyed by their community, continue being hassled and miserable, and feel undermined and lose their confidence.

I could have just sent that whole rant of mine as my own anon ask and @sitp-recs may or may not have answered it, and had a go without the shield to protect me from attracting the attention of people like, well 👀…but I prefer to put my name to my opinions. You know, unlike, well 👀

This next bit isn’t really for you, because I suspect you know all this and you just get a thrill from doing the anon thing and you won’t really absorb anything, so just cover your invisible eyes or something.

For the others reading: some of us laugh and post ‘rude’ rants about stuff like this and it doesn’t affect our confidence etc, but how many times have we seen nasty asks on our feeds, answered by some poor person who needed fandom to be a place of solace, maybe be the only place they can really express themselves in the way they want to…and then some cockwomble comes along to give them a hard time about whose penis goes where or whether they’ve interpreted a character with a different racial background than is usually depicted, or any number of choices they made in the thing they created for free in their leisure time, whether fic or art or a rec list? ‘Why didn’t you include THIS fic’ or ‘why did you make Harry shorter than Draco’ or ‘why did you make it so dark because I hate dark!’ Again I ask these entitled anons, why do you think you’re entitled to anything from any fandom creator when you’re not paying? There’s no contract for services rendered here.

Or maybe that person is, I don’t know, trying to enjoy a game where people ask them what they like from a proforma list of questions that everyone and their auntie is playing, and they simply answer honestly that they don’t enjoy the specific trope - let’s say, fluffy established relationship fic or ‘innocent and soft’ so-and-so - very much. They’re just trying to enjoy interacting with their fellow fans. And someone comes along and tells them that what they enjoy is RUDE! And WRONG! And up for DEBATE. And then it happens dozens and dozens of times a week, for people with large followings, and absolutely sucks the joy out of being part of fandom. And those poor buggers start to feel like maybe they’ll just stop doing rec lists or posting art anymore, or will stop writing for that fandom and focus more on another one they’ve been getting into. Now the anons have spoiled it for the creator and their devoted audience. All because some folks want to be able to be dicks without suffering any consequences.

Does that sound enjoyable? Maybe you like it, I don’t know your life. You’re hiding behind your invisibility cloak, so I never will. But I suspect you don’t because you also came all the way over to whinge to me about it, that you didn’t like what I said and you found me rude. If you’re not really the person who asked for the rec (insert ‘sure jan’ gif here) then you’re someone who took an opportunity to have a little jab when there would be no direct consequences for you.

Let’s pretend I believe you asked in good faith. You could have gone off anon and just privately asked. You could have stayed on anon and said ‘hey about your prior answer, I’m curious as to whether you feel a sweet and innocent character can ever be complex and flawed as well?’ Or something to that effect. But that’s not what you did. If you didn’t mean it to come off as a challenge to defend rather than being interested in exploring more in conversation, then here is a handy lesson for you! Communicating intent is the responsibility of the sender of the message! That’s what tone of voice and body language is all about! And when those things are absent, it’s on you to try harder to convey those things! And you didn’t nail it this time.

Anyway mate, why do you care what I think? I just follow @sitp-recs likes thousands of other people. Let it go! Nobody knows it was about you anyway.

44 notes - Posted January 5, 2022

#2

I wrote this for @hd-erised 2021!

The softest thing I think I’ve ever written?

66 notes - Posted January 8, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Inbound rant, coming in hot

Listen.

You people who send anons to harass and provoke.

It’s time to have a good, hard look at yourselves. I know you won’t, but it’s time you did.

There is absolutely no point in wasting precious energy explaining why there is no correct top/bottom configuration, or that, in fact, penetration is not actually necessary for a ship to be valid. Because you already know that. You’re aware. 

It’s pointless to mount a defense of preferences that people may have as readers or writers. BECAUSE YOU ALREADY KNOW.

If you and I are both walking down a street, and I’m wearing something that you don’t like to wear, or that you don’t like the colour of, or that you think is an unflattering look on me, and you stop to tell me ‘hey I hate cargo pants and I’m offended that I have to look at you wearing them’ - YOU are an asshole. Nobody but other assholes would argue that you’re not. 

If I open a shop that sells only crab cakes, and you don’t like crab cakes, and you come into my shop again and again to shout at me that you don’t like crab cakes and the mere existence of my crab cake shop sends a message that all other cuisines can go fuck themselves and causes trauma to those people who prefer boiled rice - YOU ARE THE ASSHOLE. And also, a fucking idiot. Why are you in my shop? Please go somewhere else! The boiled rice shop is literally right next door.

PLEASE GATHER UP WHAT WITS YOU HAVE, CLUTCH THEM GENTLY TO YOUR CHEST, AND LEARN HOW TO COPE WITH OTHER PEOPLE LIKING THINGS YOU DON’T LIKE. TAKE YOUR LOVELY PRECIOUS WITS AND GO ENJOY THEM IN PLACES THAT MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD. DON’T DROP THEM ALL OVER THE PLACE WHILE SENDING BULLSHIT ANON MESSAGES, BECAUSE SOON YOU’LL HAVE NONE LEFT AND SADLY I THINK YOUR ABILITY TO MAKE MORE IS BROKEN.

Mummy and Daddy and your nonbinary godparent are in the bar having a well deserved cocktail, it’s time for good kiddies to stay in the ballpit where you can scream and howl and run around with other kiddies to your hearts content. We can both enjoy our own fandom spaces in our own ways. Sorry not sorry if you don’t like the way I’ve infantalised you, I could have said we’re enjoying a cocktail at the crab cake shop and you’re enjoying a lovely hot bowl of boiled rice at the boiled rice shop, however since this category of anons insists on acting like fucking toddlers, you’re in the ballpit. Hope nobody pissed in it. Unless you’re into that.

94 notes - Posted January 5, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[mid-weast]

Will you keep it down? | Jeon Jungkook

Summary: You and Jungkook attend the same university and have been neighbors for 3 months now. It drives you crazy that he plays loud music at 2AM, and it drives him crazy that you barely acknowledge his presence.

Pairing: Jungkook x Female!Reader; Black!Reader

Words: 2.6K

Genre: enemies to lovers, student!jungkook, student!reader, fluff, mention of smut, angst? (in the form of bickering back and forth).

Authors note: Hi hi! This is the first fic I’ve ever written so if it’s bad I’m sorry. Also it is unedited so if there's grammar / spelling mistakes I'm sorry again! Also this is catered toward the reader being Black but I hope it can be enjoyed by everyone. Thank you for reading! Feedback is appreciated ok love u bye!

“Y/N? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??!? Open this door RIGHT NOW!”

Even though you were studying in your room, his knocks were so loud you nearly jumped out of your skin. You had expected a reaction, but not a full-on explosion.

You and Jungkook have been apartment neighbors for about three months now, and a constant problem is that he blares his music hella loud late at night. Of course he’s a music major so he listens to music a lot, but at this point you don’t care. It doesn’t even seem like he’s working on composition homework anyway, just being an asshole with no regard for his neighbors peace. Now don’t get yourself wrong, you're not just some uptight bitch who complains about everything. Well, you do have several pet peeves but over the years of going to school in Korea you’ve picked and chosen your battles very wisely. In most cases you let things slide. You wouldn’t care at all about someone playing the music loudly, but it is 2 AM, and while you’re up studying you know a lot of your other neighbors are trying to sleep.

You tiptoe toward your front door and twist the knob slowly. You only open the door wide enough to be able to see his face. It’s not that you’re scared that you’re in danger or anything, and you rarely back down from people giving you a hard time. But you were tired, wearing a big ass t- shirt and short shorts (your regular sleep attire), and it was late at night. So if anything was going to pop off you felt pretty vulnerable. Even though you’re the same age, he towers over you and you find his size kinda intimidating.

As usual, you have to crane your neck to see his face, and your view of him is limited by the narrowness in which

you opened the door.

“Can I help you, lil boy?”

From what you can see of him, right away you can tell that he is pissed. Dawning his usual attire of a black sweatshirt with the hood up, black sweats, and stomp a hoe boots, he stood extremely close to your apartment door with his arms crossed. His usually wide, puppy dog eyes are now pressed in narrow slits. His normally pouty lips are formed in a hard line, and his jaw is so clenched you could carve an ice sculpture with his jawline.

"Who the hell do you think you are? You called the cops on me? Are you INSANE???" Jungkook shouts.

Obviously he's mad, and despite the amount of times you've gone back and forth he's never raised your voice at you. The old you would have screamed back at him, but over time you've tried to respond to anger with calmness. Also, you were a little scared because this mf is kind of big.

"I already told you if you keep blaring your music at 2AM, I was going to do something about it!" You respond in a hushed whisper, slightly concerned that your elderly neighbors will be even more disturbed by the noise. "I've told you this a million times, and you barely do anything about it. If anything, it's gotten worse like you're doing it on purpose. People are trying to sleep and I'm trying to study, why is this so hard for you to understand?"

He sucks his teeth. "You're such a little snitch. And I've already told YOU that YOU can't tell me what to do."

"I know I can't...but they can," you nod toward the exit, referring to the police officers that most likely just left out that way with a tiny smirk growing on your face.

If it was possible, he clenched his jaw even harder and you think that he's going to pop a blood vessel. He pushes his way into your apartment, which sends you stumbling back and you grab the door handle to regain your balance. This causes you to close the door shut.

"Hey! What the hell do you think you're-"

He steps right up to you and leans down into your face.

"Who the fuck do you think you are, seriously??? Why are you such an annoying little brat? Just because you're a nerd with no friends who gets no play doesn't mean you can take your bitterness out on me.”

You have to laugh in his face at this point because hello??? First of all, who is he talking to? Second of all, you have told him a BUNCH of times to turn his music down late at night. You didn't think that was too much to ask. As far as you were concerned, being aware of your noise level when you live in an apartment is the universal bare minimum for being a human being.

"ME? Who do you think YOU are? Actually let me tell you. You're an entitled little rich boy who thinks he runs the world. I don't give a fuck about how popular you are on campus, how many people fall at your feet to be around you, and how many hoes you have, you cant talk to ME like that. And how are you going to try and tell me about myself when it's too much of a task for you to be a decent neighbor? I've never done anything to blatantly bother you, so why can you just.." You started to panic because usually when you raise your voice out of anger, your voice cracks and tears threaten to pool out of your eyes, but you tried to get a grip and not back down..."why can you just be nice to me so we can live in peace? Is that too hard for you???"

He looked kind of taken aback by your question. Being nice to you? It never crossed his mind. Also, you kind of had a point. When the semester started and you both moved in on the same day, you would shoot him a small, friendly smile in passing but you never seemed interested in getting to know him. He always wondered why that was. It's not that he had a problem talking with girls, since all he had to do was breathe and girls would come flocking around him, but you would flat out ignore him. Even at all the major parties at the beginning of the year and on Thursday nights when students take over the clubs in the city, you'd barely even acknowledge him. He KNEW that you had seen him too, since you would make eye contact, but you acted like he was just another guy at the club.

And he'd be lying if he said you weren't fine. You had thick thighs, a beautiful face, nice curves, and always wore outfits that hugged you in the right places. He always wondered what it would feel like to wrap his arms around your body and press it against his own. He would constantly sneak peaks of you throughout the night at the club, but something stirred in him when he saw that you were chatting up other guys. Was he...jealous? Jealous that you were so eager to pay attention to these dudes who, in his opinion, were decent looking but they were nowhere near his level, and you never even gave him a second thought? One night he even saw you leaving with a man he knew through mutual friends, and he had to physically stop himself from breaking the glass he was holding, because that guy, while objectively handsome, was nothing compared to him. Jungkook wasn't blatantly cocky, but he let his talent, charm, and looks speak for themselves. He was THEE Jeon Jungkook, and nothing ever really bothered him....except you.

Was he....interested in you? Nah, that can't be it. You were some random chick who happened to be his neighbor, who also is one of the only girls he's met that doesn't give two fucks about even having small talk with him, and that infuriated him for some reason. So the first time you came knocking on his door in an adorable pink satin pajama set with a matching bonnet complaining about his loud music, he knew the game he had to play.

He's still standing over you, centimeters away from you face, but you notice that his eyes soften a little and so does his jaw. He unclenches the fists he was holding crossed against his chest

You continue, “I don't care what you do, and I'm DEFINITELY trying to run your messy ass life. Believe me," you scoff, "you don't have enough money to pay me to do that. But when your dickhole behavior fucks with MY life is when it's a problem. And it's BEEN a problem."

He rolls his eyes. "Whatever, little girl, maybe I should call you little mouse now, since now I know that you'll go squeaking to the cops now, don't fuck with me or my music again.”

Without moving your head you look him up and down with a confused expression. "Am I supposed to be scared of you? No seriously, you look like you cry during Disney movies while wearing footie pajamas, and now here you are throwing a fit because I forced you to stop bothering the entire wing with your music?"

Girl...what are you saying??? This man just barged into YOUR place, is in your face, and is strong enough to pick you up and throw you, and you’re insulting him? But you figured if he's going to be rude, you'll throw it right back because you're tired of his bullshit.

Whatever softness he was feeling for a fleeting moment immediately left, and annoyance once again washed over. He straightens up a bit and puts on that annoying confident smirk he wears when he thinks he's won arguments between you two.

"You should be nicer to me, all it will take is for me to tweet one thing about you, and you'll be the most hated person on campus."

At this point, any suspicions that you had about him annoying you on purpose were confirmed. You've concluded that this mf is a bully and you, small and shy but not one to take mess, will put him in his place to-motherfucking-night.

You take a step toward him, now crossing your arms tightly against your chest, but he doesn't even move a hair backwards.

"Clearly you need a rude awakening so here it is. I don't know what type of people you've dealt with all your life, always saying yes to you, letting you boss them around and taking whatever bullshit you dish out, but let me tell you I am not the one. Never have been and never will be. Unlike the other fools around here who cream their pants at the mention of your name, I don't care about who you are. You'll respect ME and MY peace as long as we're neighbors, you get me?"

Now y/n, you have never so boldly stood up to someone, where did that come from, babes? You've tried to not let this entitled little boy get to you this whole time, but with him standing in front of you in the middle of your apartment with that extremely annoying, yet handsome, smirk on his face, and after all the crap he's said tonight, he had you all the way fucked up.

After you said that, he just laughed and looked away. Now you’re standing there fuming and confused...was there a joke you missed? You were being dead serious!

"Something funny?" you ask, narrowing your eyes.

"Nothing, just thinking about how I want to face fuck that annoying little mouth of yours so you finally shut up.”

Your jaw almost dropped to the floor. You've never had a guy say something so blatantly rude and vulgar literally inches away from your face. But again, you weren't going to back down.

"Oh really?" Scoffing and tilting your head to the side a bit while narrowing your eyes even more, "I'd very much like to do the same. Maybe then you'll learn your place."

"Oh please, princess, you probably blanch when someone around you even mentions the word sex." He chuckles and leans down close toward your face again and cocks his head to the side, scrunching his nose and in a pouty voice said, "you're fooling no one, but keep trying, maybe you'll get there.”

You're even more annoyed than you were before, if that was even possible. But if he wanted to play this game, you might as well go there with him. It's true, you were a bit more prudent than more, but it pissed you off that he could tell. Regardless, you do know some things to say that could have him leaving with his tail between his legs.

You pouted your lips and in a babying tone said, “Aww sweetheart you have no idea. You think you're big and bad but like I said, you probably cry watching Disney movies. The same way you'd be crying, begging me to let you cum down my throat as I mercilessly toy with your cock for hours.”

Now it's his turn to go pale. Y/n, his stuck up neighbor who has barely even spared him five seconds of her time just threatened to edge him into submission? He has to pinch himself because he must be dreaming....

“Well I-“

“But I don't even think we’d make it that far, hun” you continue, “because in order to humble your egotistical, disrespectful ass, I'm gonna have to ride your face until you suffocate. And when the paramedics come and I have to explain how you died, I won't even hesitate to tell them that you were a punk ass loser who LITERALLY drowned in my pussy!”

You don’t know who this person speaking is, but it is not you. All of the pent up hostility you’ve held towards him just flooded out of you and you couldn’t stop the words from coming out. To be honest you shocked yourself, but you still stood there with your arms crossed and your face unfaltering, just waiting for him to say something smart back.

He stared at you silently, eyes wider than you’ve seen before and his mouth hung slightly open. He wasn’t expecting you to respond with so much fire, but now he wouldn’t be able to sleep until the image you painted came true. His brain said fuck it, and his lips crashed down onto yours. The kiss is sloppy but passionate, and you swore you heard him quietly whimper.

When he feels you starting to kiss back, he smirks into the kiss. Your lips are moving against each other in tandem, and all thoughts about how much you despise the prick fades away. As you uncrossed your arms and placed them on his chest, you could feel his heart beating wildly. Was he as nervous as you were this whole time? You wonder. You knew he was a player, so he was experienced. But the thought that you made him nervous gave you a tiny confidence boost. His hands slowly slide up the sides of your body to sneak behind your back, to pull you further into his chest. As much as your brain was telling you to resist him and push him away, you couldn't help but fall victim to how soft his lips felt against yours. Suddenly you feel airborne as he swiftly reaches down behind your thighs and picks you up. You instinctively gasp but he doesn’t miss a beat, simply biting your lower lip and locking your lips together again.

“Maybe we should test that scenario of yours, and if it comes true, that wouldn’t be the worst way for me to go” he says, doing that annoying but soul-crushingly handsome smirk he likes to wear as he carries you off to your bedroom.

[resinatingbeauty]

Witchcraft & Expectations

What do you really expect from the Craft?

I had considered writing this for a while before actually doing it just because I didn't want anyone to feel like they were being attacked or singled out. Offending you isn't the purpose of this post, so please do not be discouraged by anything you read here. There is no wrong way of practicing your Craft and to each their own. I was just curious about perspectives when it comes to your expectations regarding Witchcraft, magick, and spirituality as I have dealt with many different people following many different paths since focusing more on my Craft and art through my shop which began on Mercari and grew enough to become more established on Etsy.

I do sell many spiritual / witchy items from personalized spell kits to witchy mystery boxes compiled with Intuitively chosen and my own handmade, one of a kind items. Among the most popular spiritual offerings are my 'buy one get one miniature spell jars,' which allow my customers to select two general purposes or a personalized request from which I assemble and enchant a miniature glass spell jar containing herbs, crystals, essential oils, and other objects based on their needs and requests. I wanted to make these little portable vessel talismans more available to everyone price and purpose wise, compared to others that have been charged with a more specific intent or devoted to a specific deity.

I have a long history of using spell jars myself for various purposes whenever I feel compelled to create one or a special occasion arises. I'm picky about larger jars and bottles, however, so they are usually created in small corked jars or in larger jars that I will sometimes embellish or try new things to integrate that allow the spell jar to also be an appealing or intriguing piece of handmade everyday decor while serving its spiritual purpose, such as the one in the photo above.

For the most part, I have found a surprisingly amount of success with my spell jars. Not just myself, but others as well have reported events that they thought were directly related to their spell jar. I had created one for my neighbor a couple weeks ago who had been searching for a better job than the one she had at a preschool. The day after I gave her the jar, she received a text from an old coworker who notified her that a position at a bank she had applied at months ago that had nothing available at that time had just opened up.

This actually exceeded my expectations. In my experience, magick takes time. Others who have commented on the success of their spell jars or magick in general would contact me a few weeks or so after using their spell kit or receiving their spell jar. I created a spell jar back in January to help jumpstart my small business selling my crafts and Craft and didn't really start to see a huge change until mid-March-April where I was more successful than even I anticipated.

This was about on par with what I expected in terms of time, as most spells I've ever done have taken days, weeks, or even months to start manifesting results that couldn't be passed off or ignored. To be sure, I include a scroll with each of my kits and jars explaining how they are best utilized, to have patience, how to set a purpose and intentions, the power of thinking positively, and that magick rewards those who are willing to work and make sacrifices for what they desire. To me, all of these things are virtues that this path teaches us and are part of what makes the Craft so empowering overall. Whether it was the spell or your hard work, you are the catalyst for change. You made things happen. I mean, what is more empowering than that?

This is part of the reason why I personally chose to over spell kits and magickal tools rather than offering to cast spells or perform rituals on one's behalf. It was my desire to make YOU feel empowered and you are the one ultimately responsible for your own success or failure, whether spiritually or otherwise. I'll gladly steer you down the road of success and provide you with my knowledge, experience, and guidance, but I am always clear about what to expect.

Unfortunately, we live in a time where instant gratification is anticipated and expected, which I never considered in terms of Witchcraft. I knew that no matter how many times I write 'set realistic expectations, focus on your purpose, be patient, and keep doing what your doing' that some people would just blow through all that hoping that they just bought a quick fix for all their problems for $6.99 + a buy one get one deal.

Two weeks or so ago, I had received an order for said jars from a young man who simply said he wanted a personalized spell jar for lucid dreaming and dream work and selected his second 'free' one for self empowerment. I reached out to clarify and answered some of his questions. My immediate impression from him was one of discord. He expressed a lot of turmoil in his life over the past few months and claimed to have taken on a lot of responsibility. He seemed young and eager, with a ton of questions regarding magick in general. I answered his questions the best I could, but reiterated the same values I expressed in the previous paragraph when asked why such and such spell wasn't working, 'should I not have done this,' etc. Magick takes time to manifest, especially when it comes to financial purposes like he explained which are inherently unlikely to resolve themselves overnight.

He seemed happy enough with his purchase and said as much when he received his package. A couple days later, I received a notification about a review he had left which was negative, saying one of his spell jars didn't work with a message delivered in tandem asking what purpose I had set for his spell jar.

Let me say this: I am not upset with him or complaining about his review. He is entitled to his own opinion, although I was annoyed with how quickly he had come to the conclusion when in the instructions I provided him I specifically said that these things take time to work. Anyone who receives results instantly or within the next day or so are exceeding my own expectations. Which is great! Hooray!

But this is definitely not the standard I've come to expect in all the years I've been practicing the Craft.

I continued chatting with and answering this young man's questions and ultimately uncovered that he was upset about a variety of things that had been going on in his life. In his mind, he felt entitled to have these things work for him sooner rather than later and was frustrated and angry that nothing he tried had been working out the way he expected.

In the time that I have opened my little shop, I have (thankfully) only run into one other person like this- where their understanding of Witchcraft seems to have been compiled from television and movies. After the first, I learned to tread lightly around these individuals because, whether it's their fault or not, they have been mislead.

Television shows like old school Charmed and the newer Salem and Witches of East End are really entertaining. I enjoyed watching them, but they are the absolute enemy of those who practice magick / witchcraft as a form of religion or spirituality. Sure, some of these shows actually do their research. Even Buffy the Vampire Slayer was ahead of its time introducing Wiccans, Technopagans, and New Age practices to pop culture and in many ways helped to show people an obscured version of the truth during the 'Satanic Panic' period when even witches hated being called witches and the pentagram / pentacle difference became an actual difference that wasn't just a choice of words.

Newer generations growing up with Harry Potter, which is hardly a great introduction into magickal traditions, were at least more open minded than the previous generation to the actuality of witchcraft and magick as a spiritual practice.

I mean, who doesn't want to snap their fingers and make the house tidy in one fell swoop?

I sure do. But even when I first started practicing at 11 I understood that that just isn't how it is.

This young man who was saying he lead a coven sounded more like he was LARPing than legitimately asking for spiritual guidance. I realized real quick that I couldn't do anything for him. What he wanted and expected, no matter how many times I referenced the instructions I provided (he evidently hadn't acknowledged) and relayed to him my own experience and expectations, he was looking for that 'quick fix' and someone or something to blame for when it didn't work the way he thought it would. The main reason for his complaint? The night after he received his spell jar, he said he just dreamnt about the moon.

My understanding of lucid dreaming was having direct control over ones dreams. The more I talked to this person the more it became clear that this wasn't his understanding of lucid dreaming. I tried to ask what he had tried to gain that control, as many of you know that I suffered from sleep paralysis for years and taught myself how to realize and 'break out' of it over time. He referenced making offerings to a goddess. I had to stop.

I'm sure that another business minded witch would have sold him something else or offered an exchange. I (stupidly) tried to make him understand that he has the power to manifest his desires. All I did was provide him with a tool to help things along.

This was the same for the woman I had dealt with months ago who said that she had been told by this coven owned business that she was a vampire reincarnated to be with her lover. That was the ultimate end of our conversation because she didn't seem very open to anything I suggested. Whether the things she bought were 'effective' for her or not we will never know. When she started messaging me to the point of harassment I deleted her messages and flagged them as spam. All this time and effort spent consoling someone who really isn't in the right frame of mind for magick or witchcraft.

The main point in writing this ranty post is to get the perspective of the community. What are your expectations for your own spells? What do you tell others when they ask? If you are also a 'witch shop' owner or own your own spiritual practice how do you deal with clients that have set unrealistic expectations for you and your Craft?

[lonelier-version-of-you]

I'm gonna be honest I really don't like the way some fans of holby try to make Gaskell a more sympathetic character because the dude is a highkey dick and very problematic?? like sure people are absolutely entitled to have their own opinion ur totally valid but I think it's really important to recognise Gaskell is a genuinely harmful character and is intended to be the villain of the story? not the hero? I'm sorry this probably seems really rude I just don't vibe with that side of the fandom

Before I say anything myself, I’m gonna leave this post I saw recently here because, while it’s about Batman villains and such, I think it explains why John resonated with certain portions of the Holby fandom too.

OK, now to get into my own reply. The thing is that John fans know he’s a fucking terrible person. We don’t try to romanticise or excuse his actions. We’re not like the “uwu poor wittle Fredrik did nothing wrong” side of the fandom or anything.

What bothers us - or at least bothers me - is THAT he was written as such a terrible person in the first place. When we write him sympathetically, it’s essentially reclaiming the character from the ableist context the show put him in.

I like John because I can identify with him: not the ~evil villain~ parts, but because I, too, was a victim of childhood abuse who came out of it with mental illness symptoms that don’t fit the “acceptable” norm. I live with self-loathing and mood swings and paranoia. I’ve dealt with hallucinations (of the auditory kind, if you’re wondering) in the past. The identity issues, the fear of abandonment - it’s all me, too. They’re all things I can relate to and see myself in.

And these are highly stigmatised traits. They’re not things people can somewhat accept the way, say, depression is. You barely see them in media and when you do they’re usually villains. And can you (general-‘you’, this isn’t intended as a personal attack) really fault neurodivergent people - and in my experience most John fans are neurodivergent, or at the very least have ND loved ones with the aforementioned symptoms - for trying to salvage that representation when we get nothing else?

Additionally, John’s relationship with Henrik is one I can relate to far more than most mainstream queer rep. Yes, it’s fucked up and it’s unhealthy and bad, but there is also a realness to it, something in the way they express their feelings for each other, that really resonates with me. So I like to explore the idea of a world where things didn’t quite go so terribly and they got to be happy together because - well, fuck, it’s all projection. There you go. I’m putting what I’m sure everyone already realised out in the open: I like the idea of John and Henrik having a happy, loving relationship because I relate to both their characters a lot and I want to be able to believe that someone like me can be loved. That’s it.

Also gonna tag my John fan pals @prydon and @albionsolutions to see if they have any further responses to give (no pressure to either of you though!), because I’ll admit I might have let my emotions overtake my response a little bit (and I’m sorry if that resulted in this answer coming across as harsh, anon).

[ifonlysj]

heyyyy i'm a relatively new elf and i loooove sungmin but i have a question. you said sungmin "made a mistake in the way he treated fans who were supporting and even helping out his wedding". what is that about? i only know that he got hate for marrying which is bullshit but what happened with supportive fans? thank you, love your blog

hey anon! as promised: here is my opinion about how sungmin handled the situation~ and please take it with a grain of salt and form your own judgement.

just wanted to remind everyone reading this that i still think sungmin should come back to super junior too! if there is something you wish to correct/disagree with under the cut, let me know nicely. we don’t have to fight, okay? let’s do this like civilised people :)

it’s known that leeteuk and heechul have acknowledged that fans would rather hear about dating/marriage news from the members themselves rather than through articles and rumours. this of course makes sense, idols who have “asked for their fans’ blessing” have seen a much better response from their fans than those who got “exposed” by dispatch/sasaengs/whatever. sure, this isn’t a blanket generalisation, but you kinda get it right? i wouldn’t want malicious rumours about someone i like getting involved with someone else, not because i am “possessive”, but because i think the relationship between an idol and their fans can be trusted so that you know, we can celebrate together and stuff.

there are also other rumours about the ‘controversy’ surrounding his marriage, but they were mostly cleared through an article on naver. you can find it here. it should be pretty accurate, because sungmin posted a link to it on his instagram as an instagram post. 

here’s something that i don’t know if it’s been cleared ; sungmin allegedly changed his signature by replacing the star he normally uses with ‘Mi’, which is a nickname for saeun (his wife). this part is really a little bit weird. i don’t think he should have done that, considering how the fan who requested for the autograph has a name that doesn’t resemble ‘Mi’ in any way or form. you can find the original post on pann here. look at it this way, you travelled all the way out and did x number of things and basically worked hard so you could meet someone you liked, and the person gave you gift, that was actually a secret message for someone else. that’s just... not right. again, anything regarding sungmin and the controversy has been grossly warped by people to the point where it is difficult to check if anything is right/wrong. correct me if you want. 

something else; sungmin’s apology letter was released ahead of his army discharge. he handwrote it and apologised for hurting fans by getting married before his enlistment. i think he missed the point. fans aren’t stupid. korean fans aren’t stupid. i believe the ones who are possessive and think they own him is a minority. but i think it’s understandable that these fans felt angered by how he handled it. he didn’t apologise for the signature and he didn’t apologise for ’sharing’ his fan gifts with his wife.

this is a difficult post to make and this part is the worst bit of it, because i’m going to share about why i felt uneasy about his marriage. i’m not saying i’m against it. i’m just. i don’t really know, i had really bad feeling about this when the news first came out. disclaimer: i do not pretend to speak for fans or for anyone at this point, this is just my personal opinion and maybe you disagree with it and that’s okay. this is how i felt about it in 2014-5 and it was a long time ago. with age comes wisdom LOL and honestly i don’t feel anything when i think about it now. 

i felt uneasy when the news broke out because of the timing of it. the timing was, quite frankly, quite terrible. there are some issues that made it worse that sungmin himself couldn’t control, but i don’t think it would have hurt to think it through a little more before releasing the news. 

sungmin confirmed he was getting married in between super shows. i don’t know what kind of impression that gives you, but i’ll be frank: it gives me the impression that he’s acting more individualistic and not putting his group activities as a priority in his life.

for international fans, this could seem like a shock to you. of course he should put his personal life first, he’s in love! he’s finally found someone he likes enough to get married, and we should support him because we want him to find happiness. that’s an opinion, and you’re entitled to it. but what we’re looking at is the confucian principles of community and society that are upheld by most of the korean community. this is a culture that mandates military enlistment laws for all males (with very few exceptions). so really, through their perspective, the outrage could be perhaps more understood. it is also important to know that when the news first broke, the general opinion ranged from congratulatory messages (that hoped for a better public opinion of idols getting married/falling in love), to speculations if it was a shotgun marriage and if saeun was pregnant. consider that sungmin had not enlisted in the military at this point. for korean men, entering the military is a rite of passage into “manhood”. it was already bad enough for idols themselves to still enlist, and fans were already dreading his enlistment. to suddenly spring the news of marriage on them? it made the timing of the whole thing even worse. what’s worse is that the fandom was trying to support them, but sungmin antis and even some of sungmin’s sasaeng’s gave false reports about the whole situation (see: rumous about the wedding, etc.). 

something to understand in korean netizen culture is that they literally live in a culture where paparazzi are so normalised and entertainment journalism literally puts out close to fifty new reports, news, and scandals out every day. on top of that, korea is notorious for their efficient, workaholic cultures that spares no time for research. imagine being bombarded with news about sungmin’s ‘misdeeds’ every week and every month. obviously your impression of him worsens. then he goes to enlist in the army, effectively disappearing, not making a statement until he nearly discharges, then going back to promote himself as per usual. you only have ten minutes a day, maximum, to see the news. you don’t have time to check for yourself on the internet what is happening. if you’re a fan, you go on twitter to check with the big fansites what is happening, and then you see that they are all quarrelling between themselves about writing petition letters. every single thing sungmin does gets uploaded as ‘breaking news’, paparazzi zoom in onto the other sujus’ “apologies” and “opinions” regarding their fellow member, and public opinion builds the impression that sungmin just doesn’t give a shit about his group. and remember! he’s literally getting married and having a honeymoon in between concerts, when the rest of the members are practising/rehearsing/working hard on TV to get more acknowledgement. gosh, sungmin really is throwing his group under the bus all for love... 

that’s a thought process i went through. i can hardly emphasise more about how this shit isn’t about me getting pressed and possessive about how he’s my oppa and he shouldn’t get married because i’m going to marry him one day. it’s not! it’s about me loving suju to the point where sungmin seems like he’s just going off on his own without caring about the group image. quite frankly if any of the sujus reveal tomorrow that they are dating someone, my response would be something like: “oh thank God!”, and if next year they say something like “y’all, we’re gonna get married”, then i would be like: “FINALLY!” because the sujus deserve nothing but happiness and i just want them to be happy after all the shit they’ve been through. [of course sungmin deserves happiness too. everyone does.]

i started rambling but... i just want to say that i really wish sungmin eased us more into it. the whole thing was aggravated because of how saeun handled it on TV also. sungmin enlisting right after was a good move, considering the damage already done. it would have given the whole thing to die down a bit, for fans to think things a little bit more through while sungmin basically removed himself from society for a bit. but while he was gone, saeun said some shit about how sungmin is really touchy and good with skinship, how sungmin drank 9 bottles of soju just to get the courage to ask her father for his blessing, and so on. that’s not right sis. why would you keep making headlines about your man when you should just lie low and wait for the hatred to pass... she then went on to like really controversial pictures, like the one where someone is slapping someone else. the slapper is labelled “international ELFs” while the one being slapped is labelled”K-ELFs”... that shit just ain’t cool bruv... obviously this started another internal fanwar, and i’m pretty sure a lot of ELFs have bad impressions of her. idk i feel like the sudden attention went to her head or something... why would you talk about alcohol... gosh...

anyway i don’t hate her or anything and i’m happy that she brings our boi happiness but i just don’t have a good impression of her... maybe she’s a really nice person IRL but you know, she’s a celebrity and we’ll never meet so i won’t pass judgement on her.

that’s... kinda it i guess? congrats if you made it all the way to the end. i just wanna rehash the point about sungmin returning to super junior. i think he should. he’s been away for long enough and i think that’s enough ‘punishment’, but i do think it would make it easier for the public to try and accept him again if the both of them just admit to what they did wrong in the past and apologise and then just move on. that shit is old as heck, i think. there’s what i think happened. lmk if i made a mistake or missed something, i wrote like 60% of this post thinking back to that time period and considering how, uh, i don’t live in korea, there might have been something i missed. the other 40% is stuff i searched online to double check, but you know. take everything that isn’t an article with a bucket of salt. lord knows how messed up everything is after those sungmin antis started spreading rumours and stuff. 

if you need a clarification about something said above, you can send me a (nice) ask and i’ll answer!

one last thing, i’m not saying what the sungmin antis did to sungmin (with regards to trying to kick him out of suju, threatening his wife, etc.) is justified by whatever i said above. i’m just saying it makes it a little bit more understandable. but it doesn’t make them entitled to such actions and i 100% believe that their actions are unjustified.

[snowfelledayah]

Gatekeepers

There are so many good, healthy reasons not to gatekeep language, some of which are strictly rose-colored-glasses situations, while others can be microaggressions against entire communities.

One of the big ones is the unsolicited policing of grammar and spelling, particularly when being used as an argumentative and derogatory straw-man.

Grammar policing disproportionately targets people of color, people with disabilities, immigrants, people who do not speak English as their first language, people of varying social and education classes, people struggling with poverty, younger generations (and I'm going to talk about this), and probably several other demographics I'm not even thinking of.

Let's be honest: it just makes you look like a dick, and the only people cheering for you are your equally-problematic friends. If you really don't understand what someone is saying, just ask for clarification. But usually, you absolutely can understand, and in that case you are -- again -- just being a dick.

Grammar policing is also frequently used during arguments where one party feels the need to bully the other and assert some false form of dominance, and it usually happens when the other party has run out of useful things to say, or when they have become exasperated with being argued-with, neither of which things are actually permission to gatekeep some language. This is also another good opportunity to remind everyone that bullying is bad -- didn't think I'd have to spell that one out for you (get it? get it?) but, well, here we are.

Gatekeeping language is, in fact, a type of bullying, and it reinforces how little we sometimes are willing to acknowledge bullying as adults since we are very willing to happily speak down to others and claim innocence in one breath, while comforting our friends who are victims of bullying in other ways. In some ways we're worse than children, because at least at certain ages, children have some level of defense in terms of not knowing or understanding better, or having crappy role-models to learn from.

No, we are adults, and we are regularly dropping the ball on purpose. We need to do better.

Another problematic gatekeeping event is the lecturing, dismissing, and shaming of language being used by newer generations -- even if we consider some language to be 'infantile' (acronyms, cute words, etc). We are all entitled to our opinions of course, I'd never take those away, but opinions should not affect the lives of others, and gatekeeping language in this way intimidates and shames individuals unnecessarily.

Even at only 40 years old I've had to come to realize that I am no longer the end-goal of this world. The world is being written for the next generation, and they are going to change the language whether we like it or not. What's more, this has happened for generations without our ever realizing it consciously: what we consider infantile could be their new normal, and that's OK, because my generation did the same thing, and my parents' generation, and my parents' parents' generation, and so on.

We are all changing the world in our own ways as we grow, and unfortunately we tend to forget just how much our generation changed a world all while we are shaming another generation for the ways in which they choose to use language: a form of communication that has been evolving for thousands upon thousands of years. Even English spoken hundreds of years ago might be difficult or impossible to understand.

As someone born and raised on the East coast of Canada, I often think about the Cape Breton and Newfoundland accents. A person with a heavy CB or NFLD accent and a person who has not been immersed in that accent before will find themselves having communication difficulties, and what's worse? The CB and NFLD accents when presented with them in terms of "central and western Canada mentality" is prejudged to be uneducated and infantile.

Nothing could be farther from the truth of course, and you can see these patterns repeated in other areas of the world as well, even just south of the border when getting into certain English accent types, you have people who are being shamed, infantilized, bullied, and sometimes terrorized for the way they speak, instead of the content (as interpreted with the individuals intention of the content) within those words.

Depending on how one speaks, one can assign any number of stereotypes to a person before ever getting to know them, and that literally falls under the definition of prejudice; however, we're far more likely to cut ourselves a break on that prejudice as long as we're willing to tell ourselves "Well, this is just my opinion."

Opinions can be bad. Opinions can be racist, prejudiced, ableist, classist, discriminatory, and bigotry. Not all opinions are good, and I suppose that will always be true along with the fact that people are not likely any time soon to start self-scrutinizing their own opinions any more harshly than the day before.

I think the ultimate goal needs to be bridging of gaps and not burning down the bridges that are already there. If we're not taking the time to understand one another, and we're just compiling reasons in our own minds not to like someone based on the way they communicate, we're never going to be part of the solution. And those of us that are older and are supposed to be wiser could probably use a wake-up call.

The world is going to change, and we can stand firmly in the way and be knocked over, or we can learn to bend a little and help the next generation up with a hand-hold, and not a slap across the face.

[transjoyblog]

6 Personal Values That Will Hurt Your Business

Photo by Ava Sol on Unsplash

Everyone has their own set of personal values by which they live their life. These can be consciously chosen, or be created by default. Usually, everyone has some combination of chosen, and default values and beliefs, but no matter how you came to them, every single one of your values should be examined and judged as to how it supports your goals, or wellbeing. Anyone who has adopted this practice of active self-reflection has found some values to be incongruous with living well. The same is true for building a business. There are simply some values that will get in the way of building a lasting, stable business, that works for both you and your employees. That is not to say that one cannot make money if you have any of these values. In fact, capitalism can bring some of the following values out in even the best of us, which is why you should be aware of these values and how to avoid relying on them.

1. You put yourself first. Either the customer or your employees or (ideally) both must come first when seeking to get value out of a business i.e. paying yourself for the time and effort you put into the business. I mean this in both the abstract and very real legal sense of the word. When a business is having cash flow issues, you are still legally obligated to pay your employees on time. If you do not you are in violation of federal law, and probably whatever state law governs your business practices. This is the basic order of operations to use when thinking about how your business provides value. You are always last. Even when filing Chapter 7 liquidation, secured debt (debt backed by collateral) is given the highest priority when paying back creditors, followed closely by pay owed to employees.

How to Avoid This:

Make a list of values that you would like your business to embody. Refer to this when you need some clarity on a big, values driven decision i.e. What is the business' family leave policy?

Keep your eye on the ball - why are you doing business? The answer should be to provide something of value to others, and making money should be side effect of a great product or service.

2. You shirk responsibility in the face of tough decisions. You may feel that you are happy to accept a leadership position, and would gladly take on everything that comes with that. But have you ever had to make the decision to fire someone? And I don't mean someone who is incompetent or otherwise underperforming. Have you ever had to fire a loyal, high performing person with whom you have worked very closely to build something in which you both believe? This is a situation in which you may find yourself, and you would do well to prepare for this possibility. I suggest reading The Hard Thing About Hard Things by Ben Horowitz to learn more about the tough spots in which you could find yourself should the business grow beyond just yourself.

How to Avoid This:

Consciously start choosing to cultivate decisiveness. If someone asks what you would like for dinner, provide a real answer, instead of a middling, "I'm good with whatever anyone else wants". When asked your opinion, give it, thoughtfully, and only when asked. There are a ton of other ways to improve your decision making skills, most of which are probably just a Google search away.

3. You tend to be suspicious in the face of ambiguity, you rarely give the benefit of the doubt or worse, you tend to fall for the logical fallacy called argument from ignorance. This is a false dichotomy fallacy that asserts that a proposition is true because it has not yet been proven false or a proposition is false because it has not yet been proven true. For example, I once had a boss think that our dishwasher was lying about having to leave early from work. He claimed that he had to get a court mandated drug test at a facility just down the road from our work. My boss supposed that because he could be lying, and she did not have positive proof that he was being honest, he must be trying to get off early, at least sometimes. Please don't do this. This guy was being completely honest. I had to pass the route he took to this facility in order to make my way home, and I almost always saw him on his way to where he said he was going.

How to Avoid This:

Educate yourself on the principals of logical fallacy, and proper argumentative techniques. One of the best books I have ever read on this subject was actually a textbook in my college speech class. It was Thank You for Arguing by Jay Heinrichs. I also recommend you educate yourself on proper research techniques, and how to discern a reliable source of information, from an unreliable one. Training yourself on generally accepted information sourcing techniques is invaluable and can help you with everything from politics to your personal relationships.

4. You believe learning is finite and time bound. I once heard someone proudly announce that they didn't read books anymore because they had received their Master's degree, and therefore had done all the reading they needed to do. This may be an extreme example, but a lot of people do not truly value learning as much as they value credentialing, or "education". Businesses must learn to survive. Actively learn. Meaning, leaders need to propose hypotheses, run experiments, collect data, and analyze this data to reach a conclusion on the hypothesis. That is the only way a business can continue to grow and thrive in the current business climate.

How to Avoid This:

You can read The Lean Startup by Eric Reis for more information on the role that learning plays in the success of a business. Study the theories proposed in this book, and use them to inform your own company culture.

You can make learning a priority in your life. Not just as another thing to check off your to-do list. Keep up on your reading, even if you only like reading so-called "trashy" fiction. Reading is reading, and there have been some studies that support the idea that reading fiction can help us improve our ability to "walk a mile in someone else's shoes".

5. You're racist, sexist, or otherwise discriminatory or prejudiced. This includes things like having a preference for hiring a certain type of person for specific roles in the organization. You may catch yourself or others saying things like "I agree that she may be a good fit, but she is so young," or, "He should be applying for something in the back, we can't have men running the register." The latter was a common refrain in certain parts of the food service industry for a long time.

Also be sure to look out for the ways in which you judge others' appearances. I recently listened to episode 433 of the Smart Passive Income Podcast, entitled "Black Entrepreneurs Speak Out, Volume 2". In this episode we hear from James Shannon, who tells us about a time that he was told not to wear a hoodie to work because he "looked like a thug." This is explicitly racist behavior. It is the kind of behavior that is so hard to call out when you are on the receiving end, because it is so easy to argue against, especially when the person committing this offense is in a position of authority over you and your livelihood. Get the full story by listening to the podcast, it is definitely worth your time.

How to Avoid This:

We all have an obligation to educate ourselves on the reality of others. By this I mean, each and every one of us have a societal obligation to "walk a mile" in as many types of shoes as we can. While you may (hypothetically) be a cisgender, heterosexual, Hispanic man, plenty of people are not. And understanding the struggles, traditions, problems, and joys of people who are not similar to you will help you develop an understanding of how you, and your decisions fit within "the larger picture" of society. This understanding can help you connect with anyone better, as people will respond to those who make a genuine effort to understand and respect their experience. If you're working on your reading habit, be sure to read books by people who encourage critical thinking, respect for others, and offer new perspectives on large issues, such as How to Be an Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi, or Histories of the Transgender Child by Jules Gill-Peterson.

6. You lie. Whether it is a simple habit of hyperbolic gossip, or outright deception there is no place for dishonesty at work. The tendency to lie is a human one, and I do believe that there is some place for small lies that have become a part of polite American small talk i.e. answering "I'm just fine." when someone asks how you're doing because you don't feel like explaining that you had a terrible fight with your wife that morning and you, in fact, feel like a dumpster fire. What I mean by lying is any form of knowing misrepresentation, deception, or fraud. This is not only damaging to your reputation, this habit can get you into serious legal trouble. Fraud is a serious charge that could land you in federal prison depending on the nature of your lies.

How To Avoid This:

Value honesty and plainness of speech. I try to refrain from using technical language as best I can, so as to retain the utmost clarity when making a point. You may feel like everyone is inflating themselves, and you have to do the same to compete. Do not do this. Openness and honesty will open more doors than it will close, and the doors it does close may very well be worth closing.

Wrapping it all up

If you find that you have given into any of these default values, you're not alone. I have been guilty of all of these to some degree, but the important thing is to identify these influences, and work to understand the pressure they exert over your decisions. You can change the things that you value for the better, and improve your business as a consequence of your pursuit.

There is also so much more you can do to actually affect change within society as a whole. Even if you are like myself, and can't even attend a protest, let alone help organize one, there are still ways in which you can help. I am looking into opportunities to lend some data entry assistance to my County's COVID-19 vaccine administration sites. We can all step up, and do what we can, with what we have, where we are!

What are some other values and beliefs that hinder businesses and their owners' success? I am always interested in expanding my perspective, so let me know in the comments!

[moonflower-rose]

Do you have to be so rude? I'm not the person who asked for recommendation, lol. I was just curious about sitp-recs opinion on the matter. You just insulted two people for literally no reason. Are you okay?

Lol mate are you? I do indeed need to be rude, I really do. And my care factor for whether anons get insulted by it is immeasurably small.

People who use the various anonymous features of various platforms to be dicks to other people are the ones who are the dicks, you see.

If we all meekly say nothing about it, we’re kind of saying that behaviour is fine and normal, and that we accept it. So the people who do it keep doing it from behind their invisibility cloaks and experience no consequences, while the people receiving the asks (and other forms of anonymous message) who generally are just trying to live their lives and create things to be shared and enjoyed by their community, continue being hassled and miserable, and feel undermined and lose their confidence.

I could have just sent that whole rant of mine as my own anon ask and @sitp-recs may or may not have answered it, and had a go without the shield to protect me from attracting the attention of people like, well 👀…but I prefer to put my name to my opinions. You know, unlike, well 👀

This next bit isn’t really for you, because I suspect you know all this and you just get a thrill from doing the anon thing and you won’t really absorb anything, so just cover your invisible eyes or something.

For the others reading: some of us laugh and post ‘rude’ rants about stuff like this and it doesn’t affect our confidence etc, but how many times have we seen nasty asks on our feeds, answered by some poor person who needed fandom to be a place of solace, maybe be the only place they can really express themselves in the way they want to…and then some cockwomble comes along to give them a hard time about whose penis goes where or whether they’ve interpreted a character with a different racial background than is usually depicted, or any number of choices they made in the thing they created for free in their leisure time, whether fic or art or a rec list? ‘Why didn’t you include THIS fic’ or ‘why did you make Harry shorter than Draco’ or ‘why did you make it so dark because I hate dark!’ Again I ask these entitled anons, why do you think you’re entitled to anything from any fandom creator when you’re not paying? There’s no contract for services rendered here.

Or maybe that person is, I don’t know, trying to enjoy a game where people ask them what they like from a proforma list of questions that everyone and their auntie is playing, and they simply answer honestly that they don’t enjoy the specific trope - let’s say, fluffy established relationship fic or ‘innocent and soft’ so-and-so - very much. They’re just trying to enjoy interacting with their fellow fans. And someone comes along and tells them that what they enjoy is RUDE! And WRONG! And up for DEBATE. And then it happens dozens and dozens of times a week, for people with large followings, and absolutely sucks the joy out of being part of fandom. And those poor buggers start to feel like maybe they’ll just stop doing rec lists or posting art anymore, or will stop writing for that fandom and focus more on another one they’ve been getting into. Now the anons have spoiled it for the creator and their devoted audience. All because some folks want to be able to be dicks without suffering any consequences.

Does that sound enjoyable? Maybe you like it, I don’t know your life. You’re hiding behind your invisibility cloak, so I never will. But I suspect you don’t because you also came all the way over to whinge to me about it, that you didn’t like what I said and you found me rude. If you’re not really the person who asked for the rec (insert ‘sure jan’ gif here) then you’re someone who took an opportunity to have a little jab when there would be no direct consequences for you.

Let’s pretend I believe you asked in good faith. You could have gone off anon and just privately asked. You could have stayed on anon and said ‘hey about your prior answer, I’m curious as to whether you feel a sweet and innocent character can ever be complex and flawed as well?’ Or something to that effect. But that’s not what you did. If you didn’t mean it to come off as a challenge to defend rather than being interested in exploring more in conversation, then here is a handy lesson for you! Communicating intent is the responsibility of the sender of the message! That’s what tone of voice and body language is all about! And when those things are absent, it’s on you to try harder to convey those things! And you didn’t nail it this time.

Anyway mate, why do you care what I think? I just follow @sitp-recs likes thousands of other people. Let it go! Nobody knows it was about you anyway.