#everyone: when she ate babs....

[doorp]

the third house is so silly its the fucking ‘I eat hot chip and lie but you’ll like it because my lies are sexy’ house. It’s the ‘every time I show up i am noticeably out of place in the narrative i find myself in because ive sucker punched my way into being relevant’ house. a fundamental trait of the third house is just believing that you’re the main character when you’re absolutely not. They’re a house of tragically genre and role confused characters. Even down to their literature, (Abella Trine, the heroine of palamedes’ terrible river bubble novel he’s stuck with) the third house always acts in a way that implies that they all think they’re the main character of a trashy novel. And its so funny because they succeed! 90 percent of the time in any story, the main character randomly appears in the narrative with no warning to any of the other characters, and out of nowhere begins to affect the plot in ways unthinkable to the supporting cast.

In tlt we as the readers get to see that dynamic from the *other perspective* corona and ianthe and naberius and valency and cyrus are NOT the main characters, but any time they appear theres this sense of bewilderment you get when you think about them for like 2 seconds. Like where the hell did you come from man?? By all accounts you should not be doing this well. Who ARE YOU. Who do you *think* you are??? Throughout Gideon the ninth, ianthe is just like fucking stalking everyone and ignoring the entire plot to skulk around who knows where, and the only times she gets a spotlight or opens her mouth, the vibes are deplorable! delightfully nasty! befuddling! Every 80 pages ianthe pops out of her hole for 2 pages to say something weirdly ominous or offensive, and you’re like. Okay weird nasty c plot character you’re pretty funky and I kinda forgot you were here. AND THEN. NINETY PERCENT OF THE WAY THROUGH THE BOOK. SHE COMES OUT OF NOWHERE TO GIVE A DRAMATIZED VILLAINOUS SPEECH ABOUT HOW SHE KILLED AND ATE A DUDE. AND SHE WASNT EVEN THE ONE DOING ALL THE OTHER MURDERS. This is a completely unrelated murder she has committed, for completely unrelated reasons. everyone should now realize that they underestimated her and rue the day they assumed lesser of her necromantic capabilities! She even admits she had a whole speech planned out thats going Not Well bc the guy she ate is trying to come back up.

Babs is tragically in the wrong genre, stretching his fabulous abs for no one who cares, i mean, he is a guy who- in any book not filled with toxic lesbian drama- would be a star player, but he’s not! He gets eaten and all anyone there who knew him had to say about it was “babs? Who even cares about babs!” In line with the thirds rule of tropious misplaced leads with main character syndrome, he is a trope that is subverted tragically in that he has everything that should set him up for success narratively, yet any time he is mentioned or does anything ever, he’s humiliated! all his lovers cheat on him, even when he wins a duel he gets shat on by everyone there bc his personality sucks, no one cares about his abs, he’s stuck in a toxic power dynamic with bad twin and worse twin, he gets fucking EATEN. Babs by all accounts would be the successful male lead but gets ZERO WINS over the course of the entire series. You’re confused about how and why this kind of character is in this kind of book, and it makes perfect sense that he does not do well! He has you thinking “what is this hetero romance lead doing in this book of ravenous lesbians. I hate him. I hope they eat him.” And then they DO. Hes not supposed to be in this book but he insists he is and it gets him killed.

Cyrus and Valency never actually appear in the story, yet still manage this bewildering insistence of their own importance. Who else but 2 people eternally convinced that they are the main characters would paint dozens of their own nudes and give them out at birthday parties? I rest my case.

Corona is the most subtle out of all of these, the confident, charismatic and beautiful leader is present in any book no matter the genre. So what makes corona out of place? What makes her the genre switcher? Her relative mundanity. Her supreme insistence of making everything she does a hot girl summer, no matter the horrors. In as yet unset she is notably *not* the main character, yet she is able to turn the whole of Judith’s attempt at a gritty torturous prisoner of war log into a messy and petty sapphic drama. In nona the ninth she uses this power to become a key figure amongst characters such as: 10,000 year old woman stuck in her dead best friends body, A girl so obsessed with her QPR that shes dying bc she lets his ghost take over her body several times a day, the resurrected soul of the planet earth stuck inside the body of a malnourished 19 year old girl, a commando rebel nepo baby with 2 machetes and a gas mask, a 14 year old girl named hot sauce who keeps a gun in her pants. This is not to say Corona isn’t an outlandish or weird character. She’s MESSED up. this is to say that she has no magical powers or outlandish talent, yet still manages to come out of the woodwork performing deeds entirely unexpected. At some point in nona the ninth she is literally the only perfectly mortal person in a room of powerful superhumans and demigods. it has you thinking HOW AND WHY DID YOU GET HERE. and the answer is that shes third. This is what the third does. When you’re challenging a fascist demigod to a duel, the third comes in, grabs your gun, and goes “IM GOING TO KILL MYSELF IF YOU DONT FIGHT RIGHT NOW!” And because the fascist demigod is her sister and also third, it works somehow.

Speaking of that particular fascist third demigod: even when pal is fighting her in her mindscape, shes not the main character. Ianthe literally builds an entire pocket dimension where she is the center of attention of a stage play, and PAL is the main character. The third fundamentally cannot be main characters, bc their whole thing is being so self possessed that they feel like characters that are EXTREMELY genre confused.

The funny thing is, i think ianthe is the only one of these who realizes shes fundamentally misunderstood the role shes meant to play. In harrow the ninth she acts the roguish bad boy love interest who is mean and angsty to the female lead. She’s soooooo cynical, so quirky, referencing many times different tropes from trashy romance novels shes read. She directly parallels john in the belief that she is the main character. Its not until she spends her time babysitting and covering for john that she realizes she isnt like him, or realizes theyre both not what she thinks they are. She sees gods pathetic wallowing and is like “fuck. He thinks he’s the main character. Hes a pathetic villain. I think im the main character. Im a pathetic villain!” her experiences in the time between the end of harrow the ninth and when she shows up in nona have caused her to realize shes a full hog villain. She goes from “heh.. im the ill ignored female lead that no one expected…” in Gideon the ninth, to “heh… im the cynical bad boy romancer that the priggish female lead needs….” In harrow the ninth, to her nona the ninth mindset of “LMAO IM THE NARCISSISTIC VILLAIN!i am the fascist white girl this galaxy needs. The emperor is having a midlife crisis orgy and i am the shadow government. I literally don’t care anymore the zombie apocalypse is upon us and im best friends with a corpse who won’t stop moping over her ex” Whatever fucked up shit has happened to ianthe in that gap of time has caused her to completely reevaluate her role in the story.

anyway i love the third house. i love their freaky gimmicks and infiltrating the narrative and warping it to their own agenda bc they’re fundamentally genre confused. I love how it fucks them over in the stupidest ways.

[sydney-sargent-superfan]

my personal headcanons for the batfam’s relationships with drugs and alcohol:

bruce: being intoxicated at any time could Compromise The Mission. will never get drunk or do drugs. collects whiskey for show, but never drinks it.

dick: will try anything once. did a LOT of stuff with the titans that he’d rather bruce not know about. it was the 80s, okay??? his personal favorites were weed and acid. he did not particularly like crystal meth.

jason: never got old enough to have that “teenage rebellion” phase and once he came back to life, going to parties wasn’t exactly first on his agenda. he’s 23 and still can’t handle the taste of alcohol. he talks a big talk but everyone knows the “vodka” in his shot glass is water. he did try smoking weed once but he wasn’t a fan. he used to smoke cigarettes a lot, but he’s trying to cut down.

tim: TERRIFIED of drugs. dare really worked on him, i guess. now that he’s of legal drinking age, he will have a cocktail occasionally, but he doesn’t like to get shitfaced like some people *ahem* steph *ahem*

steph: had a phase where she was really into all that mixology shit. in high school her and her friends would sneak out to a bar near her house and get fucked up. she’s also a total stoner and once tim ate like 10 of her weed brownies without realizing they were edibles and she had to babysit him and now he’s not allowed to eat food in her house without asking her first

cass: does not like being intoxicated At All. RARELY she will have a glass of sweet wine with dinner, but she doesn’t generally like the taste.

babs: probably the most normal about it out of all of them. dick pretends to be offended when he finds out she keeps boxed wine in her house. “what are we, babs, hillbillies???”

duke: still a teenager and has not yet tried drinking or drugs

damian: same as duke, he’s not old enough to drink yet

[eggfriedricedwasian]

Witching Hourror Au (Hour/Horror) (TW: Cannibalism (semi-descriptive?)

Bruce is 3 for 6/8 kids that are monsters (Depending if you're including Babs and Steph as his).

He had to adjust his morals quite... a lot. The morgue wouldn't pass, it had to be fresh. He wouldn't bring himself to do it. Alfred could, but he mostly just cooked the stuff in a separate kitchen for them.

They all ate humans. It wasn't cannibalism, per se, since one was a Talon zombie, one was a werewolf, and one was a siren/vampire. Even though one was human, he isn't anymore, and his appetite for human flesh only worsened after he was taken in.

The three little monsters he's talking about are his first three Robins.

As monsters, Dick, Jason, and Tim all found mellow ground when it came to being monsters. They bonded over eating human. Although, no one knows about them being human eating monsters except for Bruce, Alfred, and Helena Bertinelli. (Tim's to thank for that one).

They don't eat human often, but when they do, one, two, or all of them go hunt for the nastiest guy they can find and kill him. They enjoy the hunt, watching their prey cowers in fear trying to out run them.

Then, they bring the food home through the backdoor of their own separate kitchen and watch hungrily as Alfred expertly(3 times the experience) cooks their human food.

They all had their favorite body parts. Dick enjoys eating the hearts. It provides him false imaginations of ripping out and eating the hearts of the Court of Owls, because he technically no longer has one because of them. Jason enjoys the limbs because they're full of meat and are the best parts to cut to shred and make jerky out of. Tim enjoys the spleen and small intestines. The spleen because he no longer had one, and as an undead mer, him not having one means eating one will taste the best. The intestines part is purely just because he likes playing with his food.

Bruce never pays mind to their eating, he just relishes in the fact that Alfred makes it look like what they're already eating for that night's dinner. Meat Thursdays after all.

Sometimes, Helena will even come knocking on the kitchen door with a body. Bruce has to bare the grunt and take it to the separate kitchen from her because she insists on using the other kitchen door because it's closest and because she has to feed her baby brother(Tim) since his dad(Bruce) ain't doing it for him.

No one knows.

The only reason they would even find out is because for some reason, let's say Council of Spiders, kidnaps all the heroes. Justice League, Titans, Outlaws, and Young Justice.

They're all locked up to where they can't move. One thing they didn't account for was the three BatMonsters. Jason, Dick, and Tim haven't eaten their food in a long while. Regular food tastes like nothing and gives them no nutrients, so it's like eating candy.

The three are starving. Writhing and groaning from how hungry they are.

"You wouldn't want your opponents to give you an unfair fight, right?"

Bruce was doing his best to get on the Council's ugly side and pray they were cruel enough to feed them human.

They were.

"Here then, some human."

The council sneered at the three as they dropped. On singular human body lay in their containment cell.

Bruce winced and closed his eyes while everyone stared in horror as the three launched and devoured the person in 3 minutes flat.

"More!"

Tim groaned out, having gone an extra two weeks without food because of a space mission.

Jason and Dick took it upon themselves to break the glass and help get their baby brother more food.

No one ever sees the three the same ever again. perhaps the Outlaws and Young Justice will be more understanding as the family outcasts though.

[pwblant]

SUNDAE STOP — l.ant

┊a/n : hey riizeblr, here’s an approx. 670 word fic that i wrote at 2am because i couldn’t stop thinking about the anton sundae photo up there 👆 he looks so bf 😕 (p.s., anton and yn keep slipping, REALLY REALLY bad actors 🫡) reblogs and feedback are highly appreciated <3 enjoy!!!

┊warnings : maybee just the couple moments but other than that there’s nothing that you should be afraid of pookie 🫰🫰

it’s a quiet saturday afternoon just a few days ‘till Christmas, you and anton are strolling leisurely through the mall with some of your old friends from your hometown. you’ve all known each other for years, but since you and anton both moved away to study at a different school, it’s been a while since you all last got together. as expected, the catch-up session was in full swing. everyone was sharing updates on their lives—what they’ve been up to, who’s in a relationship, and what new hobbies they’ve picked up—and you and anton were no exception. it was fun being with your closest friends after the longest time; there’s laughter, nostalgia, and pure happiness. 

but amidst all the fun, there is one thing that neither you nor anton have mentioned yet: that the two of you have been dating for the past 6 months. the idea of being teased by your friends was too much to handle, so you both decided to keep it a secret for now and instead tell them when the time is right.

“guys, let’s go to that sundae shop over there!” you beamed excitedly.

“hey now, aren’t you full? we just ate, bab—” anton began, but you cut him off as he unconsciously slipped his arm around your shoulders, earning collective side-eyes from your friends.

“i—um.. guys, do you wanna go there?” you stammered, letting out an awkward laugh, anton’s arm instinctively finding its way to the back of his neck as he realized how suspicious you both looked.

“sure! ice cream sounds so good right now.” your friend replied.

you thank the heavens above because it seemed your friends brushed off what had just happened. with an exaggerated sigh of relief, you all entered the sundae shop.

the others ordered quickly, and it was just the two of you left who haven’t chosen what to order. standing in front of the counter, you scanned the menu, eyes lighting up at the words “sundae skyscraper.” you quickly glanced up at anton, who was standing next to you, and reported what you’d just found. 

“can we share this? pleaaasee i really want it.” you happily ask, batting your eyelashes at him in a playful manner. “it’ll make me the happiest girl in the world.” 

a small smile tugged at the corners of his lips, despite his best effort to suppress it. “i’m not falling for your persuading techniques,” he says, though he was already reaching into his wallet to pay.

“you’re the best!” you exclaimed, letting out a soft, triumphant squeal as you moved to hug him. you almost leaned in for a kiss right then and there but quickly remembered that you were trying to keep your relationship a secret. you awkwardly pulled back and glanced at the group, only to find them already staring at you both, smirking knowingly.

“hey anton lee, you’re on a roll! buy a sundae for me next?”one of your friends shouted from the table, and the others laughed, chiming in.

anton’s smile falters, “hell no, i'm not thaat generous, man! we’re sharing this!” playfully rolling his eyes at them.

after paying, you tried to walk back to the group’s table as casually as possible, but their knowing grins made it clear to you that there was no point in trying anymore.

“fine, we’re dating” you sighed as you plopped down next to anton, announcing it like the world’s greatest myster had just been solved. 

“yea…. we figured so.” the friend sat next to you said as she let out a little chuckle.

you talk about your relationship—all about how you met, how he confessed, and how long you’ve been together, expecting at least some teasing or dramatic reactions from your friends. instead, they just nodded, as if it was no big deal—like they'd known all along. there wasn’t a single eyebrow raised, no teasing remarks, just a quiet acceptance. if you’d known it would be this easy and stress-free, you would’ve outed your relationship the first chance you got.

you let out a big sigh, “alright, now that that’s out of the way, i'm going to devour this sundae.”

[rokishimizu4]

BatFam x Symbiotic Reader: Barbara pt. 1

When Red Robin was taken back to the Batcave, still asleep, it became very clear that there was something powerful out in Gotham and it was all hands on deck.

Alfred had made it very clear in the beginning that, from the scans and his own experience, that Tim was in fact sleeping, that his body and mind were getting the rest it deserved. That there was only simple bruising from hitting a brick wall, but nothing was broken.

It surprised everyone at first, but also so terrifying when he didn’t wake up until three days have passed, with Alfred making sure that he got food and water, which Tim ate and drank in his sleep to the surprise of everyone.

But in those three days time, Oracle was busy.

———

“What the?” Babs stares unblinking at her own computer in the Watchtower, going over the mysterious voice again and again. “There’s no fucken way that this voice has no owner! Even Bat’s computer has an identity for every beings from another dimension!” She growls as she tries another tactic, only to get another dead end.

“26 voices detected! But not a single one can be put to a face!” Babs screams into the night as she hides her face in her hands, groaning at the bullshit on her screen.

However, before she can throw herself a pity party, a familiar voice rattles her back into reality.

“Babs, you forgot to turn your com off.” Tim’s voice rings out, groggy like he just woke up from the best, and worse dream.

Babs takes little time replying as she saves what little information she got, shuts off her computer, and rolls towards the elevator.

“You’re telling me what you remember, or so help me.”

[dgaftilwedie]

firsts (junhee x reader)

ever since i watched season 3, i've been so much more attached to junhee's character... she's so fucking sweet. i can't believe she went out the way that she did :( if i was in squid game, i would've saved her (we would died together in jump rope) (i would've panicked and ate shit). soooooooo i conjured up this little oneshot instead of working on ANY of my other wips!!! GO KIRA YAYAYAAYYYYYYYY

contains: post-squid game au ( hyunju, daeho, geumja, yongsik, and gihun are still alive), junhee's a really good mom, gn!reader, fluff!!! so much fluff you'd think you're diving face-first into a maine coone's fur!!!!!!!!!!

“You really don’t have to do this,” Junhee sighed. She was sitting in the corner of her couch, curled up under a blanket in her cute cat pajamas. Her hair was pulled up in a messy ponytail and there were dark circles under her eyes from all the late nights with her baby. You smiled at her, rocking the child in your arms.

“Don’t worry about me. Get some sleep, ok?” 

You weren’t sure how, but the two of you had made it out of the games almost completely unscathed. Aside from Junhee’s ankle, the two of you and her baby, who she’d named Jiwoo, were alright. Thankfully, the rest of your friends were ok, too. Hyunju often came over to visit the two of you, always bringing some kind of sweet treat or gift. Geumja would bring Yongsik around and she’d always make a home-cooked dinner while keeping an eye on the baby so the two of you could get some much needed sleep. Daeho would constantly text you guys to make sure everyone was doing ok, begging to see pictures of “the little munchkin”. Even Gihun would visit when he could, but between plane trips to the states and back, it wasn’t too often. Needless to say, the three of you were living comfortably – albeit traumatized – with a huge sum of money that went towards whatever you guys wanted. 

Junhee thought that when Myunggi left, she was going to have to raise her baby all by herself. That was until you came along. You’d met in the games and your connection was quick and very noticeable. You held her hand through every game, making sure she made it out alive. You were there when she gave birth, praising her and running your fingers through her hair. You stayed by her side even when it was risking your life. She’d be forever thankful for that. When the two of you left the games, you were dropped off at the same location, and it had been history from there. Inseparable, attached at the hip, raising a baby together.

Junhee smiled softly at you, leaning her head onto the arm of the couch. She watched as you held her baby girl – now 7 months old – like she was your own. Jiwoo was a spitting image of her mother. She really was Junhee’s mini-me. You’d witnessed so many of her milestones. She was an active little kid; she’d been rolling all over the floor before you picked her up. She’d been learning to grab at things, too. Unfortunately, Junhee’s hair was usually the victim. Jiwoo was staring up at you, reaching her grabby little hands towards your nose. Junhee giggled as you played with her. 

Jiwoo had also been starting to babble. Nothing she said made sense, but it was still pretty cute. As she babbled and cooed, you sat down next to Junhee who scooted towards you, opting to rest her head on your shoulder instead of the couch. 

“She looks just like you, baby,” you hummed. 

“Thank god she didn’t get any of that asshole’s traits…” 

You giggled at her comment. Since the games ended, Myunggi hadn’t gotten to see his daughter, and frankly, the two of you wanted to keep it that way. He’d tried to reach out several times. He claimed Jiwoo was going to need another parent. You’d responded with a simple “yeah, that’s me” before slamming the door in his face. Embarrassing! He didn’t even know the girl’s name.

“Mmmm… baba.” 

“Can you say mama?” Junhee cooed, wiggling her fingers in front of Jiwoo’s face. “Say mama sweetheart.”

“Ma… bab…”

“She’s getting there,” you laughed. Jiwoo kept chattering on. Junhee pressed a soft kiss to your cheek. The sleeves of her shirt dangled past her knuckles, a hand resting on your shoulder, the other still wiggling in front of her daughter’s face.

“Thank you for being here.”

“Anything for my pretty girl.”

“Mama.”

“DID YOU JUST SAY MAMA?” The two of you exclaimed it at the same time, looking at each other and then at Jiwoo. She was giggling and laughing without a care in the world. Her tiny little hand reached towards Junhee’s hair all grabby-like, curling around a tuft of grown-out blonde.

“Mama! Mama!” She gave the hair a tug, still all smiles. Junhee couldn’t even care that her daughter was trying to give her a bald spot. She was way too excited at hearing her baby girl’s first words. 

“Yeah, baby! That’s me!” Junhee took Jiwoo from your arms, holding her steady on her legs. “Can you say it again?”

Concentrated on the baby in her hands, you took the opportunity to lean back on the other arm of the couch, pulling your phone out. You hadn’t seen Junhee this happy in so long. She was practically gleaming. There was a sparkle in her eye – maybe happiness, maybe tears – as she held onto her daughter. 

“Say ma…ma…” She enunciated the syllables, trying to get Jiwoo to speak again. When Jiwoo responded with a “mm baba!!!”, she playfully pouted, wiggling her back and forth.

“Not baba, mama!”

“Mama!” Jiwoo cooed.

“Yes! Mama!” Junhee cheered, bringing the baby in for a hug. She bounced up and down on her lap. Both of them were giggling and you couldn’t help but smile. Seeing Junhee healthy, safe, and happy like this was making you fall deeper in love with her; you were sure of it. You never thought you were going to get to see this side of her. You were convinced that whatever you’d started with her in the games was going to end with one of you dying, or worse, both of you. 

“Did you see that, hun? Did you?” Junhee was beaming, eager eyes glimmering at you.

“Of course I did! She’s such a quick learner,” you muse with a smile. “Aren’t you, Ji? Such a smart little girl!” 

“The smartest!”

“I think she’s gonna be walking by 10 months, babe.”

“You think?” 

“I’d make a bet, actually.” Junhee raised an eyebrow, a sly smile on her face.

“I see… I’ll say 20 bucks?”

“You’re totally gonna owe me,” you laughed. You scoot back towards her, phone long discarded. You’d show her that video again when Jiwoo got older. Or maybe you’d show her later when the two of you were laying in bed together. As Jiwoo began to relax, Junhee cradled her against her chest. You wrapped an arm around Junhee’s waist and pulled her close to you. She leaned into your touch like you were the physical embodiment of safety.

“Thank you for always taking care of me – of us.”

“It’s the least I can do, Junhee.”

“I think she’s finally tuckered herself out. Can you put her down for me?” 

You simply nod, reaching over to grab Jiwoo. Babies were so strange. They could go from wide awake to passed out in 5 seconds. Thankfully, she was a pretty easy baby to handle. She’d wake the two of you up in the middle of the night, sure, but she never stirred when you put her to bed. The bedroom was a few rooms over. You carefully slid Jiwoo into her crib, making sure not to disturb her. Once you were sure she was nice and comfy, you turned on the monitor and left, cracking the door behind you. 

“Junhee, I was thinking… did you want to-” You talked absentmindedly as you walked into the living room. Your girlfriend had somehow already fallen asleep. She was still sitting up, blanket tangled in her legs, pajama pants riding up her legs. You smiled softly, once again sitting next to her. With a gentle hand, you guided her head to your lap, adjusting the blanket. She looked so cute when she slept. You pressed your hand to her cheek and caressed it. You swore you could see a faint smile on her face. Not wanting to disturb her, you turned out the lights and let her rest. She’d been working hard and she most definitely deserved it.

[harpersdragons]

Sometimes You Gotta Burn the Bridges to Rebuild it Chapter 4

Words: 3936

2 days later the story hits the news.

Turns out the woman who had been bothering him after gymnastics was a reporter for the gazette.

Photos of him and Bruce, photos of him with his arms exposed and showing off the scars, even a video of him shoving Bruce away from him.

He doesn’t bother to actually read the story. He and Bruce know the truth, and so does everyone that matters. It doesn’t stop it from hurting Bruce’s reputation, or making his life endlessly more difficult.

He breaks his rule about contacting Bruce, and settles for two words.

Dick: I’m sorry.

Sure, it wasn’t only his fault, but he knows better than to make a scene in public. Especially around a stranger like the other day.

He shuts his phone off, ignoring the concerned texts from Wally and the other Titans, and goes about his day. It’s his one day off, from both of his jobs, and he decides it’s time to get some actual furniture.

He doesn’t have a way to actually transport anything he buys though.

He sighs, biting the bullet and sending a quick text to Barbara. He doesn’t think Mr. Gordon would mind granting him a favor, even if asking for help is the last thing he wants to do.

Dick: Do you think I could borrow your dad’s truck for the day? I need to actually get furniture and I don’t have a way to transport it.

Barbara: I doubt he’d have a problem with it, but why don’t we join you? I’m sure you’ll need help moving stuff, and it’s been too long since we hung out.

Dick: You’re not subtle.

Barbara: Sue me for wanting to help out my friend

Dick: Fine, meet at my apartment in an hour?

Barbara: Sounds good, see you then

With that settled, and still no reply from Bruce, Dick has nothing else to do but wait.

He forgot how much he hates waiting. He can do it, obviously. Stakeouts were a necessity as Robin, and knowing how to be patient is essential for those.

That doesn’t mean he likes it though.

He speeds through getting ready (it’s a damn good thing Alfred made sure he knew how to do laundry, because he’s got about six outfits outside of his work uniforms, and three of them are for gymnastics), and then he paces his empty apartment.

He doesn’t have a ton of money to put towards furniture, his deposit and move in fees depleted his savings a decent amount, but he can admit he needs to get something to make his apartment more livable.

Once the Gordons get there, the day passes quickly. They go to several different thrift stores, and Dick manages to find a decent couch and coffee table for reasonable prices. All that’s left is a mattress, bedding, and some groceries. He doesn’t particularly want to spend full price on a mattress, but he can’t find one at the thrift stores they’ve been going to either. Even if he could, he doesn’t know that he trusts how clean they are. Couches are one thing, but mattresses feel different.

“Come to dinner with us. We were going to go to that food truck you like by the park.” For a vigilante, Barbara is probably one of the least subtle people he knows. She’s wicked smart, and great at lying, And yet somehow, when she wants something she’s not subtle at all. Maybe it’s just that Dick knows her better than most people.

Now that everything’s set up in his apartment, Mr. Gordon and Barbara had shared some look and then Barbara cornered him to ask about dinner, while Mr Gordon left and did something else for a bit.

”Babs, what did I say earlier? You’re not subtle in the least.”

”I could be if I wanted to be.” She shrugs, “I’m not trying that hard. Anyway, me asking was really just being polite. You’re coming with us.”

”Babs…”

”If you have eaten today, you can get out of it.”

Dick slumps under her stare, he hasn’t eaten since before his gymnastics lesson yesterday.

“Thought so. When’s the last time you ate?”

He rubs at the back of his neck, “Breakfast…yesterday.”

Her eyes widened almost imperceptibly, ”Dick, you know better. That’s not sustainable with how active you are. You have to keep your calories up.” She’s apparently mastered Bruce’s disappointed glare, and that’s news to him. Normally, being on the other end of it makes him bristle, and want to fight against it.

It’s different coming from her. It makes something in his chest shrivel up, shame coloring his cheeks.

“It’s not as bad as it seems,” He’s aiming for nonchalant, but he’s pretty sure he fails. “I was just busy yesterday, and didn’t have the time or energy to get food. And I can’t cook, so making food is out of the question right now.” Most of his meals have been takeout (not often, considering the money problem), frozen pizza, or cereal or other frozen meals. He knows he’s gotten into bad habits about eating, but he truly doesn’t have the energy to even get up and put something in the microwave or oven.

“Hm. Change of plans. We’ll stay in, and my dad and I can start teaching you how to cook, and then we’ll introduce you to this glorious thing called meal prepping.” She pulls out her phone types something, before tucking it back into her pocket.

Dick sighs, “I’m fine, Babs.”

”Are you? Because you look like shit.”

”Thanks, Barbara.” He glares at her, but even he can tell it’s half-hearted.

”C’mon, Dick. Are you really going to tell me your habits are entirely healthy? You went through the same training I did, you know it’s not.”

She’s right, Bruce was extremely thorough about teaching them proper nutrition, and if they so much as skipped a meal or two, they weren’t allowed to patrol that night.

“I’m nowhere near as active as I was. If you haven’t noticed, I’m not exactly swinging around Gotham at night anymore.”

”You could be.”

The blunt statement freezes him in place. “What? Babs you know he—“

”You don’t have to be Robin to be a vigilante, Dick. You don’t need Bruce, either. Make your own legacy.”

It had never even occurred to him. He still knows all the people who help Bruce get his gear.

But he doesn’t exactly have the funds to keep up with the vigilante business. Maybe Lucius will do him a favor?

He could bill Bruce, but he doesn’t want to do that either. He can’t let Bruce have something to hold over his head.

”I don’t exactly have the funds for that, Barb.”

”I’m sure you can figure out a way.” With a small smirk, she turns away from him and crosses the small distance to his kitchen. “Now, you have next to nothing in terms of groceries, but I sent Dad to fix that. We’re going to start teaching you how to fend for yourself. Frankly, Alfred should have taught you how to cook a long time ago.”

”It wasn’t for a lack of trying…” Dick mutters as he follows after her.

His attempt at making dinner goes better than expected with both Barbara and Mr. Gordon helping. They make a simple Parmesan chicken and rice dish, with enough leftovers to get Dick through a good portion of the week.

By the end of the night, Dick is exhausted, but it feels different than normal. Instead of the crushing weight he’s been dealing with for the past two weeks, he feels lighter.

Barbara promised to come over at least once a week and keep teaching him new dishes to try, and just keep him company.

When he falls into bed (because he has a mattress now, no bed frame, but still a mattress), Dick is at peace.

He never did get a response from Bruce.

He tries to tell himself he doesn’t care.

The next night, as he’s walking home from work (with at least 3 knives stashed on him, because he’s not that dumb), he hears a muffled cry from an alley. He freezes, and eyes the deserted street. It’s not uncommon for something like this to be a trap, but Dick can’t just walk off without checking it out. He doesn’t want to just walk into the alley though, that leaves him vulnerable to anyone lying in wait. If he comes from above, though, he should be able to see anyone who’s hiding to get the drop on him. He walks a building or two up, and then scales the fire escape to get to the roof.

Free running without any safeguards is dangerous, but in this part of Gotham the buildings are close enough together that he should be fine.

Probably.

He has to admit, it feels amazing to leap across rooftops again. Maybe Babs is right about him becoming a solo vigilante.

When he gets to the roof adjacent to the alleyway, he cautiously peers over the side. At first, he doesn’t see anything. He keeps watching, just to make sure, when he hears the noise again. He scans the alley again, and finally sees the minute shift in a shadow behind the dumpster. He carefully climbs down and unsheathes one of his knives. He creeps forward and peers carefully behind the dumpster.

A small yip sounds and a puppy jumps out at him. Dick looks at the small gray puppy in confusion. He could have sworn the muffled cries were human. Regardless, he sheaths the knife, but keeps it within reach, and crouches down to let the puppy smell him. It’s missing one of its legs, but doesn’t seem bothered by it. He’s heard dogs can survive just fine on three legs, so perhaps that’s it. Her ribs are clear to see beneath her skin, so he quickly digs through his backpack for the sandwhich he’d thrown in earlier. It was meant for him to eat on his break at work, but then one of the cooks had passed him lunch instead.

He carefully tears the bread into smaller pieces and holds it out to the puppy. The puppy barks excitedly, and wags its tail. Dick smiles as it scarfs the bread down. There’s another cry, and Dick turns his head back to the dumpster.

“So it wasn’t you…” He muses, standing up and turning again. “Hello?” It’s dumb, yeah, but if someone was going to attack him they would have done it while he was distracted by the puppy. There's a small whimper of fear, and it’s cut off as quickly as it begins. “I’m not going to hurt you.” Probably. That entirely depends on if he’s going to get attacked.

He makes his way carefully around the dumpster, and then stops short when he sees the child curled up there, an expensive camera laying broken on the ground next to him.

He recognizes that child.

He closes the distance quickly, then stops again when Tim flinches.

“It’s just me, buddy. You’re safe.” Dick crouches again, trying to present himself as non-threateningly as possible. Tim has one of his arms tucked protectively into his body, and tears streak down his face. Dick can see the swelling and bruising on his wrist from here, and winces sympathetically.

”Mr. Grayson?” He’s surprisingly coherent, considering how much pain he must be in.

Dick chuckles, despite himself. “How many times have I told you, Timmy, please call me Dick.”

Tim flinches again, despite Dick’s warm tone. “Sorry…”

”Hey, it’s alright. I was just teasing. Can I come closer, bud?”

When Tim nods, Dick eases a bit closer.

“That looks like a nasty injury, mind if I take a look?”

When he gets another approval, Dick gently takes Tim’s arm and rotates it slightly. Tim cries out when it pulls at his shoulder, and Dick can tell it’s dislocated.

“I’m sorry, Timmy, I know it hurts. Why don’t I take you to a friend of mine? She can check your arm out.”

Tim responds by jerking backwards suddenly, then crying out as it twisted his arm. “No, no, no no.” He rambles, pushing himself into the wall behind him. “I can’t, my parents—“

“Woah, hey, it’s alright. She doesn’t have to tell your parents, and she’s very discreet. Your wrist, at the very least needs an X-ray.”

“Can’t you just help me get a brace or something? It’s fine, I promise.”

“Nuh uh, Timmy. You need your shoulder set and an x-ray. Neither of which I can do for you.” False, he could at least set the kid’s shoulder. “You have 2 options: I take you to Dr. Thompkins, or I take you to the hospital. I need you to pick.”

Tim sniffs and wipes at his face with his good arm. “Dr. Thompkins, I suppose.”

“Ok. Good choice. We can talk about why you’re out here alone later.”

Tim pouts at him, then sniffs again. “Can I at least get the SD card from my camera?”

“Sure. Want me to carry you, or do you want to walk? Her clinic isn’t far from here.”

Tim grabs the SD card quickly before responding. “I can walk.” He glances mournfully at the camera wreckage, then uses the wall and his good arm to push up.

“Ok. If you change your mind, let me know.”

“What about the puppy?”

Dick sighs, turning around to look at the little pup. She had followed him around the dumpster and was watching them curiously.

“My priority is you, kid.”

“No, you have to take her too!”

Dick thinks he’d be stomping his foot if it wouldn’t jar his arm.

“Timmy—“

“If you don't bring her, I’m not going anywhere!” Tim’s face twists in a scowl, the effect of which is ruined by the tears still streaming down his face.

Dick rubs his hand down his face. Is this what Bruce felt like with him? No wonder he’s such a bastard.

“Fine, fine. I’ll bring the puppy.” Dick scoops the pup up, tucking her securely to his chest, then reaches out his other arm for Tim to grab.

“I don’t need to hold your hand! I’m practically an adult!”

“You’re like 9, Timmy. You either hold my hand or I carry you.”

“I’m old enough to stay—“

“I’m gonna stop you right there. Keep in mind I’m a mandatory reporter now and don’t tell me anything you don’t want me to report. We can discuss this when you’re not in this much pain.”

Tim shuts his mouth with a click.

Dick sighs. He’d kind of wanted Tim to continue, but he wants the kid to trust him.

Tim grabs his hand without another word, and Dick escorts him to the clinic. He’s being remarkably quiet about how much pain he’s in, which is worrying on a whole other level, but Dick can’t worry about that right now.

Dick heads to the back door on habit, then dials Leslie’s number.

“Hey, so…” he starts as soon as she picks up.

“Richard, I swear to God if you are bleeding out on my back doorstep and started the phone call with ‘hey, so…’ I’m going to patch you up, and then shoot you myself.” Leslie answers.

“Geez, rough day?”

“Richard…”The warning is evident in her tone.

“No one’s bleeding out!” Dick answers in a rush. “I am at your back door though.”

Leslie sighs heavily. “Give me five minutes.”

“You’re the best!” Dick chirps. The dial tone rings in his ear. Duck chuckles as he tucks his phone in his pocket

“She sounds mean.” Tim presses himself closer to Dick. The kid got clingier on the walk over, presumably because of the pain.

“She’s not mean, buddy. She’s probably just had a long day.”

“I don’t want to inconvenience her.” Tim sounds out ‘inconvenience’ carefully. Dick brushes his free hand through Tim’s hair.

“You won’t inconvenience, Timmy. It’s ok. She only sounded angry because she thinks I’m the one hurt.” Haley squirms in his arm, but Dick tucks her tighter into his chest. She’s been pretty good on the way over here, but maybe she has to go to the bathroom or something.

Leslie opens the door then, and Tim ducks farther behind Dick.

“Grayson, did you seriously bring a dog to my clinic?” She raises her eyebrow at him.

“No! I brought a child.” Dick rushes to correct her.

“That’s a dog.”

“Timmy’s behind me.”

Leslie sighs heavily. “Fine, come in.” She opens the door wider and gestures them in. Dick grabs Tim’s good hand again and gently leads him inside. “If that dog pees on my floor, you’re cleaning it up.”

Tim grabs Dick’s hand tighter as they make their way to a private room, then he helps him up on the table. He sets the puppy down once the door is shut, despite Leslie glaring at him. When he goes to step aside though, Tim tugs at him.

”Don’t leave, please.” His voice is small, pleading.

Dick’s heart broke a little, “I’m not leaving you, Timmy, but I have to give Dr. Thompkins room to work.”

“As long as you stay out of my way, you can be with him.” She steps closer to the table.

Dick shrugs and hops up next to Tim, making sure to stay on the opposite side of his injury. Tim ducks his head into Dick’s shoulder as Leslie stands next to him.

”Tim, right? I’m Dr. Leslie Thompkins.” Leslie’s whole demeanor has softened, now that she’s addressing Tim instead of Dick. Dick doesn’t blame her for being more harsh with him, he’d be tired of dealing with self-sacrificing vigilantes too.

Tim seems to force himself to make eye contact with Leslie, pulling in a breath before speaking. He sounds out his words carefully, “Pleasure to make your acquaintance.” He extends his arm, or tries to at least, and interrupts himself with a cry of pain, yanking his injured arm back into his chest and ducking back into Dick’s hold.

“Shit, Timmy, careful.” Dick runs his fingers through Tim’s hair as the boy cries into his chest.

Leslie, who was smiling softly at Tim’s attempt at professionalism, is suddenly all business. The smile falls off her face, and she glances over Tim’s arm more thoroughly.

Dick doesn’t pay her any attention, focusing on settling the crying kid in his arms.

“What happened?”

”I’m not totally sure. I was walking home from work and found him in an alley.”

”Ok.” She looks at Tim again, then back at Dick. “Well, Tim, your shoulder is definitely dislocated, so I’m going to set that before we move on with the rest of the check up.”

Tim nods shakily against Dick’s chest.

“I’m going to numb it first, and then we just have to wait for that to take effect.”

Another small nod.

Leslie prepares the lidocaine, then carefully injects it into the area around Tim’s shoulder.

Around two minutes later, Tim lets them know he can’t really feel anything in his shoulder.

Dick gathers him closer, knowing from experience that even if Tim can’t feel all the pain, it’s not a pleasant experience.

“You’re doing great, bud, I’m just going to massage the joint a little, okay?” Leslie gently rubs at Tim’s shoulder, and the kid whimpers slightly.

“Hey, Timmy, why don’t you tell me about your photography?” Dick interjects quickly. He makes eye contact with Leslie and motions for her to just keep going, as Tim explains how he likes to take pictures of the city at night, and how much trial and error it took to get the settings right.

Leslie moves on to gently moving Tim’s arm around, trying to guide it back into its socket. When she gets it, Tim cuts himself off with a choked whine. The puppy, who had been exploring the room up until now, tilts her head and stares at them.

“Good job, Timmy, that part’s over now.” Dick pets his hair again.

Tim sniffs and turns to look at Leslie. “Are we done?”

“Not just yet, honey, I’m sorry. I have to take a look at your wrist now.” She slides her hand from his elbow to just above his wrist. The bruising and swelling has gotten worse in the hour and a half or so it’s been since Dick found him.

She has Tim try to rotate his wrist, move his fingers and hand, asking him if each step hurt as he did it.

”Ok, I don’t think it’s broken, but I want to take an x-ray just to be sure.”

Dick nods, and carefully maneuvers both himself and Tim off the table.

They leave the puppy in the exam room as they go to get the x-rays done.

When Dick tries to go stand behind the wall with Leslie, though, Tim tightens his grip again. “You said you wouldn’t leave!”

Goddamn he’s good at the puppy eyes. “I’m not leaving you, buddy, but I can’t be in the way, remember?”

Leslie sighs, “Put one of the lead vests on, and you can stand near him. Just don't interfere.”

He stretches to grab one of the vests she pointed out, and Tim lets go long enough for him to slide it over his head.

When that’s done, they head back to the exam room.

Leslie goes to retrieve the x-rays, then sets them up on a lit backboard when she returns.

Dick holds Tim as Leslie studies the pictures.

Finally, she turns back around to look at them. “Good news, it’s not broken. I’ll send you guys home with a brace to wear, but for now it’s too swollen for that. Ice it, take some over the counter anti inflammatory, and when the swelling goes down you can brace it. I can also prescribe a mild pain killer if you want.”

Dick blows out a relieved breath. “Sounds great, Doc, thanks so much.”

”Of course. Tim, do you have someone at home?”

The kid flinches, burying his face deeper in Dick’s stomach.

Guess that’s a no.

”He can stay with me, I can work it out.” Probably. He can barely take care of himself, let alone a kid and a puppy, assuming Tim’s going to insist he keeps the pup.

If Leslie is surprised, she doesn’t show it. “As long as someone can look after him.” She moves though the other care instructions quickly, and Tim is practically falling asleep by the time she’s done.

She hands Dick a packet of the information, including a prescription slip, and the brace. “Be safe, Grayson.”

Dick smiled at her, “No promises, Doc.” He laughs as she swats at him, then scoops the puppy up and guides Tim to the door. He might have to suck it up and call an Uber or something, Tim is crashing and it’s quite a walk back to his place from here.

Before they get out the door, Leslie speaks again. “Better watch yourself, Dick, you’re going to give your father a run for his money if you keep picking up strays.” She chuckles a little.

Everything in Dick shutters, face falling and turning stony. “He is not my father.” Without another door, he guides Tim out to the street and walks a bit away, already calling for a ride.

Leslie doesn’t know what she’s talking about.

He’s nothing like Bruce, and potentially adopting a puppy and babysitting a kid for a little while doesn’t change that.

[paradoxcase]

Chapter 28 of Nona the Ninth

A broken Sixth skull this time, but I'd guess probably not for any kind of deception

Honestly curious about who Gideon thinks Nona is at this point. I guess it's plausible that she does know Nona is Alecto since she did think Harrow was in love with Alecto

Are we ever going to find out what happened? Because I would like to know

Also, this kind of raises the question of why Alecto forgot she was Alecto here? Did she forget when John put her in the tomb? But even if she forgot who she was at that point, she spent all of Harrow the Ninth interacting with Harrow and even giving her advice (and her advice to lie to Mercy about her age indicates that she remembers something about who she is, at any rate) and Nona doesn't remember anything about Harrow here. So did something that happened at the end of Harrow the Ninth cause her to forget?

A ward of some sort, I guess

This reminds me of the whole "why does Ross, the largest friend, not simply eat the other friends" thing. Maybe this isn't just because Alecto has a resurrection beast perspective but also because this story is actually full of people eating each other, also, can you really blame her for making this assumption?

So the resurrection beast doesn't just drive necromancers mad, it also makes doing necromancy dangerous, at least for regular necromancers anyway, this didn't seem to be an issue for the Lyctors at the end of Harrow the Ninth

Camilla is like, half-dead in this scene, but she's still making jokes

So if I understand this correctly, they're making plans to somehow travel physically through the River in this BOE truck to Pluto, which for some reason isn't going to be dangerous the way it usually is, but no one has explained why yet

Something that's slightly confusing to me here is that they're talking about Gideon telling them things, and We Suffer is part of this conversation, and I think later GIdeon is outside the truck and sitting up and all, but at the beginning of this chapter Gideon claimed she was still pretending to be dead. So does We Suffer and the rest of BOE know that Gideon isn't really that dead right now, or what?

I think after the last John chapter, it's been sort of established for me that there isn't a right way to do Lyctorhood and there was never any kind of "perfect" Lyctorhood like whatever Mercy and Augustine though John was hiding from them. I guess Pyrrha wouldn't know, though, even if she does somehow remember the story John told, she wasn't alive at the time that John ate Alecto

I guess this is the gay sense and not the political sense?

This is mouth-to-mouth kiss #2, and so far neither of them have been between characters who actually have any kind of romantic hinting

Who is "she"?

I guess Camilla saved some of Palamedes' bones just so that she could eat it to fulfill the cannibalism part of the Lyctorhood ritual?

I don't think we've actually seen what happens during the standard Lyctorhood process looks like - we didn't see Ianthe's, we didn't get a detailed description of Harrow's, and everyone else's happened 10,000 years ago, so I have to wonder how this differs from the others, other than obviously they would usually wind up in the necromancer's body

Also, this seems like possibly a worse or at least not better version of what happened to the other Lyctors, since it seems like both Camilla and Palamedes died and they have become someone new instead

I mean, maybe for Ianthe, but I think Babs is long gone at this point, no?

I guess Ianthe noped out because she realized that there was no way she was going to be able to get back to the shuttle and therefore return with either Gideon or Pyrrha or the Sixth House, and she's obviously been aware of what's going on. But this also means she knows the approximate location of the Sixth House and what their plans are for Gideon's body, which I'm sure will be of great interest to John

[bluejaysandblackbats]

Eyes and Ears

Fandom: DC Comics, Batfam

Summary: An AU where Barbara finds Jason instead of Bruce.

Chapters: 19/?

Characters: Jason Todd, Barbara Gordon, Jim Gordon, Dick Grayson, Bruce Wayne, Sheila Haywood, Original Character(s)

Relationship(s): Jason Todd/Original Character(s), Past Barbara Gordon/Dick Grayson

Additional Tags: Canon Divergent AU, Older SIbling Barbara Gordon, Jason Todd-centric, Barbara Gordon is Oracle, Jason Todd is NOT Robin, Jason Todd Has Issues, Jason Todd Has a Crush, Adopted Siblings

Chapter Nineteen: Last September

Barbara poked her head in the workshop, and Jason looked up at the source of light as he talked with his friends. He smiled and jumped down from the stage to help Barbara with the pizza boxes in her hands. "What are you doing here?" Jason asked.

"I heard you guys were working on costumes. I could help," Barbara suggested. "If you don't want me here, I could just—."

"You're the best, Babs," Jason whispered, grinning as he set the pizzas on an empty table. Barbara pulled paper plates out of a tote bag, and Jason started eating.

"Jason, use a—."

Jason took a plate from her and finished chewing. "I want you to stay. I'm glad you're here," Jason whispered before turning to introduce her to the other kids. They all thanked her for bringing pizza and ate together.

"You should see Jason's mustache—."

"Gabby, no," Jason laughed nervously. Gabby gave Jason his mustache, and Jason put it on. Barbara grinned. "It's not my official mustache. It's just mustache number one."

The kids fooled around and showed off what they'd done so far. After everyone was done eating, they went back to work, and Barbara helped with some of the sewing work. She and Jason worked side-by-side, and after a few hours of working, they stopped to finish the pizza. Jason was different by that time. He'd grown quiet and business-like, reserved to a specific spot on the stage where he sat alone listening to music. Barbara followed him and nudged him. "You okay?" Barbara asked. Jason nodded and took a deep breath. "Do you want to be alone?"

"I don't have to be. I just wanted some quiet," Jason whispered.

"What are you listening to?" Barbara asked. He passed her one of his earbuds, and she sat down next to him and listened quietly with her eyes closed. After a few minutes, Jason lay his head on Barbara's shoulder, and she looked over at him to see that he'd started to drift off to sleep. "Know what's funny? I've known you for over a year, and this is the first time I've ever heard the music you like," she whispered. He opened his eyes and sat up.

"This is my mom's music taste. It just helps me relax," Jason whispered. She looked over at him again.

"Your mom had great taste... Jason, can I ask about her? What was she like?" Barbara asked.

"She was safe. When she wasn't sick, she was so much fun to be around. Mom was funny and spontaneous, and sometimes she'd get so sad she couldn't—. She made everything okay when she could," Jason explained. Barbara messed up his hair.

"Her best was beyond good enough. She made you the person you are now, and Dad and I love that person," Barbara reassured him, and he smiled.

Jason waited a moment before getting up and stretching. "I'm glad you came to help tonight," Jason thanked her again. Their teacher called them together and had them run through a few scenes. Barbara wrapped Jason's headphones up and held onto his phone for him.

His phone vibrated, and she answered. "Hello?" Barbara answered.

"Hey, Pumpkin. Where's Jason?" Jim asked.

"He's got his hands a little full," Barbara replied.

"Did he eat?" Jim asked.

"I brought pizza for him and his friends... Oh, I'm taking him home later, so don't worry about picking him up tonight," Barbara whispered.

"Thank you, Babs. I'll see you kids in the morning," Jim replied before hanging up. Barbara charged Jason's phone until he was freed up to come back.

"We can go now," Jason replied as he put on his backpack and took his phone from her. He waved goodbye to his friends and followed Barbara out into the parking lot before doing a cartwheel.

"Tonight was fun, huh?"

"You had fun?" Barbara asked.

"Yeah, you were there, and we got to hang out and—. Do you want to help work on the floats tomorrow?" Jason asked. Barbara nodded as she unlocked the car.

Jason threw his backpack in the backseat, and he lay back and closed his eyes. By the time they both got home, Jason was fast asleep. "Jay, psst. Wake up. We're at home," Barbara whispered, and he took a sharp inhale of air before grabbing his bag and following her up. Jason stretched out and said goodnight before taking his shower and going straight to his room.

Once Barbara was asleep, Jason came into her room and got on her computer. She opened one eye and watched as he searched something up. "What are you doing?" Barbara asked.

Jason exited out of his tabs and turned to her. "Were you awake this whole time?" Jason asked. Barbara nodded as she lay on her side facing him. "I can explain... I'm working on something for you for Christmas. I figured that if I started early, I'd be finished by early December."

"Well, what is it?" Barbara asked. Jason smiled a little half-smile before getting up.

"Wouldn't you like to know, Barbie," Jason whispered on his way out of her room. He stopped in the doorway to offer her one last thought for the night. "Let it be a surprise."

Barbara turned on her back after Jason left, and she stared up at the ceiling. As she drifted off to sleep, she couldn't help but wonder what Jason was doing.

When she woke up that morning, Jason sat at her desk in his uniform while eating breakfast. "Good morning," Jason greeted her, "Pop can't take me to school this morning. He had to go in early. I made you breakfast." Barbara sat up and looked around her room.

"I have to take you to school?" Barbara asked. Jason nodded. "What time are we looking at?" She scratched her head as she tried to wake up.

"You've got forty-five minutes. Your breakfast is made, the keys are on the counter, and I made your lunch for work," Jason whispered. Barbara got out of bed and dressed to take Jason to school before eating her breakfast, and Jim came out of Jason's room with a cake.

Jason came out of her room, and they both sang her the happy birthday song. She smiled and thanked them both.

"You guys didn't have to do this," Barbara replied.

"You gotta make a wish," Jason whispered. She smiled and closed her eyes before blowing out the candles.

"Thank you guys," Barbara replied as she looked back at Jason, "How much time do you have before—."

"Barbara, it's Sunday," Jason laughed. She scrunched up her nose and cut the cake. "Yesterday was Saturday."

Barbara gave Jim his piece and then Jason his. "Jason ordered the cake," Jim replied. Barbara ate a little bit of her cake, and a grin spread across her face. She kissed Jason on the cheek.

"Gross," Jason complained as he wiped his face.

"You're the best little brother a girl could ask for," Barbara whispered.

"It was nothin'," Jason replied, pausing a moment before asking, "Did I get it right?"

Barbara smiled and nodded as she ate. "It's perfect, thank you," she smiled. Jason lit up. He and Jim started eating their slices of cake, and Jim nudged Jason.

"Good pick," Jim commended Jason.

[ragnarokhound]

the what time stamp from sit, stay, speak 👀👀 i ate that fic up i need to know all extras about it

fjsldkajf Ok. When I wrote those tags this timestamp was PURELY HYPOTHETICAL. BUT WHELP.

Cross-posting it to AO3 too lmao

“Wait, wait, wait. I can’t be hearing this right. You were a dog? For a week?”

Tim sighs. He looks over at Dick before returning to the surveillance clips he’s sorting through.

“Yes.”

“And Jason didn’t know.”

“No.”

“Jason took care of you. For a whole week. Thinking you were just a normal dog. Jason.”

“Yes, Dick,” Tim says, long-suffering. 

And how long he has suffered.

Ever since Babs let it slip to Dick that Tim had been AWOL for a week and could use some help getting his cases in order, he’s been subjected to grilling from everyone. Even Cass texted him, demanding he spill it all. (She sent a single dog emoji, followed by an eyes emoji. Her methods of interrogation are as effective as they are inscrutable.) He’s had to explain the entire thing at least four times now, and it always comes back to the same ribbing questions.

“Wait. So does that mean— you actually ate dog food?” He stares at Tim with wide eyes, equal parts aghast and intrigued.

Tim wishes he were surprised.

“What— yes, Dick, I was a dog. Jason bought dog food and wouldn’t really feed me other stuff. So I ate dog food.”

“What did it taste like?”

“I don’t— like it smells? I don’t know, Dick, dogs have less oral sensory receptors than humans do. It was food. I was hungry. I ate it. It didn’t smell as good as the eggs or bacon did, but—”

“Todd fed you bacon,” Damian interrupts, eyes narrowing. 

Tim glances at him, not sure what to do about the weird note in his voice. 

It’s the first thing Damian’s said about the whole affair other than to roll his eyes and mutter a scathing ‘typical’ under his breath. He couldn’t have projected ‘I don’t care about your incompetencies’  any harder; but he also didn’t leave the room when Dick finally cornered Tim into explaining it all in detail.

And he’s here in the first place, in Tim’s Nest, helping with the mess. So.

“...Yes? A few times.”

Damian’s face twists into a dark scowl. “Tch. Idiot. There’s far too much salt in bacon, was he trying to kill you?”

Tim stares.

“Humans can eat a much wider range of foods than many animals,” Damian sniffs. “Most of what we eat should either be considered a treat or not eaten at all. This is basic. A child would know this.”

Tim doesn’t say anything about getting this unprompted lecture from a teenager.

“If Todd couldn’t be bothered to do even a basic internet search, I loathe to think of that man ever owning a real dog.”

“Who’s getting a real dog?”

Jason comes clomping down the stairs from the apartment with a grocery bag in hand. Tim’s heart does something he didn’t tell it to when he comes into view, holding a pack of Tim’s favorite energy drinks tucked under his arm. Jason doesn’t even drink those. He says they taste like death and chemicals, and he should know. Tim might swoon.

“No one,” Tim says at the same time as Damian says, “Not you.”

Jason frowns. “I could get a real dog, why can’t I get a real dog?”

Damian immediately rounds on Jason. “Please. You’re lucky it was Drake you were caring for and not an actual animal. You would have killed it!”

Jason scoffs as he crosses the walkway to lean casually against Tim’s computer desk. “Oh, come on. No way I would have killed it. Dogs are bouncier than that.”

Damian sputters, before launching into a tirade about proper animal care. Jason smiles serenely, always ready to wind up Damian as Dick looks on, partly amused and partly concerned, and Tim tries to bite down on his snickering. 

Jason sets down the six pack and pulls one off, handing it to Tim. Their fingers brush over the cool, wet metal, and Jason winks at him. Tim nearly fumbles the can.

“Maybe I should get a dog,” Jason muses, interrupting Damian’s rant before he can get started on the importance of socializing. He slants a grin at Tim. “What do you think, Timmy? How would you rate the Jason Todd experience?”

Tim’s thoughts go briefly X-rated before he gets ahold of himself. 

“Zero out of ten,” he says flatly, cracking the tab on his drink. “Would not recommend.”

Jason’s grin turns sharp. It's an expression that clearly says 'that's not what you were saying last night'.

“Oh?”

Tim makes a face at him around the can as he takes a swig. He hopes Jason reads it as ‘shut the fuck up, Dick and Damian are right here’ and not a challenge to see how far he can push it.

Thankfully he’s saved by Dick. First Robin, best Robin.

“You here to help out too?” Dick asks, clearly excited at the idea and trying not to show it, in fear of scaring Jason off.

“Nah,” Jason says, not unkindly. “Just swingin’ by. I had a suspicion that Timbit’s fridge would be about as empty as the last time I saw it.”

Tim squints at his screen, thinking back to lunch and trying to remember if he can defend himself honestly, but he’s pretty sure he just ate a snack bar from the pantry. He doesn’t think he’s so much as looked in the fridge since the morning he turned back into a human. He’d watched Jason make them breakfast from his place seated on the counter; Jason nearly burned the bacon, then blamed Tim for being…distracting.

(He maintains that the spell simply wore off after seven days. Significant numbers are also a thing in magic. Or was it nine days? It doesn’t matter. It was not true love’s kiss. Jason kissed him on the head the night before he changed back, but that doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t.)

Anyway.

Dick and Jason are chatting idly while Damian sulks in his corner. They seem to be comparing notes on Tim— and Damian’s— bad habits, but at least they’ve stopped asking him about the dog thing. Jason’s timing couldn’t have been better.

Gratitude for Jason swells in his chest. Tim watches him with a growing flutter in his stomach, and when Jason glances his way, caught, he smiles at Tim. It’s soft, conspiring. It rivals the moon.

“Alright,” Jason announces. “It’s about time I headed off.” From his corner, Damian grumbles something that sounds like ‘finally’.

“Thanks for coming by, Jay,” Dick says, clasping his arm. “Always good to see you.”

Jason ducks his head. “Yeah, yeah.”

He turns to Tim. “Try not to die of starvation while I’m gone, princess,” Jason says, ruffling Tim’s hair with a heavy hand.

Tim’s cheeks pink up. Princess? He’s about to— protest, surely, but Jason leans down over his chair, leaning in close.

“I’ll see you later?” He asks quietly, looking hopeful, his hand still warm on Tim’s neck. Tim can’t help how shy his answering smile is. In his periphery, Dick’s eyebrows shoot way up, and the tips of Tim’s ears go red-hot.

“Y-Yeah,” he says, super smoothly. “I’ll be here.”

“Good.”

All hope of playing it off to Dick and Damian goes right out the window when Jason leans in and pecks his mouth with a short kiss. And then a not so short kiss. 

Tim untangles his fingers from the lapels of Jason’s jacket reluctantly, opening his eyes in time to see Jason’s pink face and self-satisfied smirk before he’s turning around and hustling back up the stairs to the apartment. Presumably he’s putting the groceries away before going on his own patrol. Dick and Damian stare after him.

Tim can’t even be mad at Jason for dropping that little bomb and then escaping. He’d have done the same if their positions were reversed.

Of course, the second Jason disappears, Dick and Damian whip their heads around to look at Tim with big-eyed stares, one maliciously gleeful, one truly disgusted. Then they start talking over each other. Loudly.

“Timothy Drake-Wayne, explain yourself immediately—”

“I need bleach for my eyes, Drake—” 

Okay. He can be a little mad.

[solitaireships]

41 for the kiss ask! (@eid0lons)

Kiss prompts: 41 - while one is sick

I decided to go with my beloved Bruce for this one! Lord knows that he needs to take better care of himself, and I will always be happy to help him with that <3

Rating: G

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 747 words

Divider by straywords

Alex is used to doing the impossible. She’s managed to win cases where the odds are stacked against her clients. She’s fought countless supervillains as Solitaire, protecting Gotham. But all of that is nothing compared to her current challenge— keeping Bruce from working when he’s sick. 

“Put the phone down,” Alex says as she comes into her and Bruce’s bedroom with a bowl of chicken soup. 

He scoffs, but the noise forces another cough from him. As he recovers he says, “People use their phones for more than just work, Alex.”

“Mhm, they do,” she replies, taking a seat on the edge of his bed. “Do you want to show me what game you were playing on yours, then? Since you apparently were doing something relaxing and not work related.”

Bruce grumbles, leaving his phone on the bed’s quilt next to him. The screen is still on, so as Alex takes a seat next to him she can see that he was in fact looking at work emails.

“You’ll get better faster if you rest, pretty boy,” she states. 

“There are people who need me,” Bruce replies.

Alex knows that he’s not just talking about his official work with that. Batman keeps the city safe, and it’s rare that he ever takes a night off. Any criminals who might notice the city’s protector is gone for the night could try to take advantage of that, and that could spell disaster for everyone. 

Bruce is a workaholic in every sense of the word. Alex can’t judge him too much for that, not when she is too. It’s hard to just sit and do nothing, and she’s sure she would be in a similar position to Bruce if she were the one sick right now.

But the longer it takes for Bruce to get better, the less effective he’ll be. And that’s something that Alex can see much more easily than he can right now.

“The city won’t burn to the ground if you take a day or two off,” Alex says. “Cass will be out tonight. Same for Steph, Tim, and Damian. And Duke is handling things in the day to day, and Babs is keeping an eye on things for them too. They’ll be able to handle everything on their own, and I’m sure that they'll be happy to if that means you get better soon.”

“You’re not going out tonight,” Bruce notes with a sniffle.

“Obviously not. I need to make sure my very handsome husband rests so that he can heal up.”

“I’m handsome right now?” he echoes, raising an eyebrow.

He does look a little worse for wear. His nose is red and his eyes look even more exhausted than usual. The stubble he usually has is a bit thicker than usual, and his hair is a tousled mess. He looks pale too, it being obvious just from looking at him that he has a bad fever. 

But he’s still Bruce, and that’s enough to make him very attractive in Alex’s book.

“Mhm,” she says, leaning over to give him a quick kiss on the side of his head. “You’re very good looking. And I think you’d look even better if you ate the soup that I made for you and took your medicine.”

“You’re frustrating sometimes,” Bruce says, but there’s no real annoyance in his voice.

“So are you.” Alex offers him the bowl of soup. “Eat.”

He makes an overly dramatic sigh of acquiescence in response. “If you insist.”

Bruce eats a spoonful of soup, looking at Alex out of the corner of his eyes as if to make sure she’s watching him do what he was told to.

“Thank you,” Alex says.

“The soup is good,” Bruce says.

“It’s canned.”

“It’s good canned soup then.”

“Thanks.”

“Thank you for making it,” Bruce says. 

“You can thank me by resting.”

“I’ll think about it,” he replies.

Alex rolls her eyes. As much as she loves him, he’s frustrating when he gets stubborn like this. 

“Well, I’m going to get your meds. Behave yourself until I come back,” she says, standing up.

“No promises,” Bruce says, interrupting himself with a sharp cough. 

Alex had figured that he would say that. But regardless of whether Bruce will be cooperative or not, she’s going to make sure that he gets better. She’s faced countless challenges in her life, and the last thing she’s going to do is back down when her husband needs some help.

[nancypullen]

Spring has Sprung

There's color everywhere! Trees have unfurled new leaves, tulips and daffodils made a spectacle of themselves, and now the next wave of color is arriving. My clematis has offered up a beautiful first bloom and the vines are full of buds.

The irises are putting on a glorious show too.

I've been pulling things out of my little greenhouse and giving them pep talks before putting them in the ground. That's right, I'm breaking the don't-plant-before-Mother's-Day rule. I looked at our long term forecast and I think I'm safe. I have two tomato plants in the ground, but kept two in the greenhouse just in case. I've still got cukes and a few other things in there staying toasty. I put the Mammoth sunflowers under the kitchen window which might have been a mistake. If they do well they might block the window. Oops. I transplanted the Speedwell too, and I have high hopes - it looks great! Zinnia seed has been sprinkled, the Zepherine Drouhin climbing rose (thornless!) has a new trellis, and yesterday I hauled home eight big bags of soil...

and created a new bed back by the fence and tree line. That will be the new home for these precious babies!

A few weeks ago I sprinkled seeds in a tray full of soil, stuck it in the greenhouse and, boy howdy, I've got a bumper crop! Crossing my fingers that they do well now that they're out of the greenhouse and in the dirt. I scattered Cosmos seed in that bed as well, we'll see what happens. If I end up with a strip filled with Bachelor Buttons and Cosmos I'll be a happy camper.

I've got a lot of blue and purple going on because bees love them and I am trying to make this place a pollinator paradise. Adding lots of pinks and whites will break it up a bit, and of course the zinnias are always just a riot of color. I won't be on the cover of Southern Living, but it'll be cheerful. Bored yet? I could talk all day long about dirt and flowers. Not everyone's cup of tea, of course. Let's move on.

With soup season at an end all of the comfort food from the colder months is unappealing now. Well, it is to me, and I'm the cook around here. I'm craving brighter, zingier flavors. Last week I made these Honey Sriracha Salmon Bowls, loosely based on a recipe I saw and made with what I had on hand. Rave reviews from the mister. It was quick to make, which is a bonus. I marinated the salmon for about an hour and did a quick white wine vinegar and sugar pickling of those cucumber strips. They were just what the dish needed. The combo was delicious.

I also made this yummy Lemon Basil Chicken Thighs w/CousCous dish - again, I was kind of winging it from a Bab's recipe, using what I had. Mickey loved it!

It was loaded with flavor and finishing it with a squeeze of lemon created magic. It's all cooked in a single dish so it's pretty quick and easy. Mickey ate the leftovers tonight before attending his photo club meeting. Winner! Other than gardening and cooking I have filled my soul with the joy of cleaning....said NO ONE EVER. I do the chores that have to be done, then I fill my days with nonsense. Recently I've been playing with the Google AI image generator - you know, you describe what you want and it creates the picture. If I type, create a picture of a cupcake with pink frosting and white sprinkles with a candle in the middle, it gives me this.

You could get much more specific and say that you want the cupcake sitting on a desk in a library...

you could even add a mouse.

You get the idea - you're only limited by your imagination. You can tweak it as much as you like. I could add eyeglasses to the mouse, or request that the library have cobwebs and a ghost. So what do you suppose I experimented with while getting to know the tool? CATS, of course!!

That's Peggy. She's up before dawn every day to get those biscuits made. She's a hardworking single mother of 36 (last count).

This one was inspired by our orange girl, Molly. She knows exactly when dinnertime is and starts complaining a full 30 minutes before, as if she's dying. Molly is a stout girl and will eat her dinner and yours too if you're not looking, but she puts on a pitiful act just before mealtime.

For someone like me, this tool will provide endless amusement. No doubt it's meant for more meaningful work, but there are no credentials requested or IQ test required before using it, so it's fair game for knuckleheads. I mean, who's gonna' stop me? Not this guy.

I should probably wrap this up before it gets weird. We're chugging along, embracing spring and all of the yard chores that help make our patch pretty. The mister built me a wonderful raised bed, so I'm hoping to get a bountiful harvest from that. He's going to put up a barrier this week, just a little flexible fencing - I've spotted a groundhog next door and I don't trust him. Crossing my fingers that Mickey gets there first. Our only other task is picking a fall vacation spot. Mickey was lobbying for a return trip to Ireland. I'd love to go back, it was enchanting. However, with things the way they are, the dollar weakening by the day, markets crashing, doom and gloom... I made the push to stay stateside this year. I think he's in agreement, but we need to narrow it down. We may end up just doing a repeat Maine trip. We've done it so many times, we know our favorite spots, I could squeeze in a day in Salem, and it's really glorious in autumn. For the price of one round trip to Dublin we could get two round trips to Portland and a week of rental car - the cheapskate in me loves that. If we book now we can lock in an inexpensive Air BnB. I also floated the idea of a trip to Oaxaca, Mexico. Flights were affordable, lodging was very inexpensive, and it's a beautiful, safe spot that has always intrigued me. There's a huge ex-pat community there and I'd love to pick their brains. Besides, the end of October provides some fabulous Dios de la Muertos festivals. I'd love to see that! All things considered the odds are good that we'll be tooling around in Maine. That's it, I'm outta' here. Sending out love and hope tonight, I think we all need it. Planting a garden is an act of hope. Planning a trip is an act of hope. The bad actors in this country want to snuff our hope, they want us swimming in despair and unable to function. They've made a terrible error by underestimating us, don't you think? ""The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends towards justice." - Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. We're going to help bend it. Keep up the heat, don't be quiet, get out there and make some good trouble. March if you like, write letters and postcards, just don't give up. I almost made it through a whole blog post without getting political. Not even a little bit sorry. Love and hope, babies. LOVE and HOPE. Stay safe, stay well. XOXO, Nancy

[saving-ray-23]

BATGIRL (EIGHT)

Barbara was beyond bored. She was suspended from practicing until the next Monday when the trainer checked her over after school, meaning she missed three games and nearly a dozen practices. The Commissioner started driving her to school, so she missed Chess practice and arrived with barely ten minutes to spare. He must've thought he was being helpful, but Babs was just annoyed.

The medicine James gave her hadn't worked nearly as well as she'd hoped, leaving her sore and tense throughout each school day. Her head was hurting constantly for some unknown reason and Barbara kept zoning out during class. A large part of her was tempted to stop taking the pills, but she was desperate to get back on the field.

Babs hated being alone with her thoughts.

She was having nightmares most of the time she tried to sleep, dreams that she hadn't even thought about it months. Barbara kept seeing things she desperately tried to scrub from her mind, memories she didn't even know she still had. A lot of the last summer was blank for Babs, but the nightmares filled in gaps she didn't want to be filled.

The teen had worked for months to move past the dreams and all thoughts she had of her— of Bess.

Not a lot of people talked to Barbara or about her. But, when anyone did, they nearly always brought up Bess.

Elizabeth Keller was Barbara's best friend, up until last summer. They met Freshman year and instantly hit it off, both within a few blocks of each other in Somerset. She was the sister Babs never had and Bess's mother was the closest thing Barbara would ever get to one. And then, shit went south.

Bess was gone now, maybe forever. Barbara lost her best and only friend the summer before their Junior year.

A few times, people had actually tried to befriend Babs just to hear about Bess. Everyone at Gotham Academy wanted to feel like they were a part of the narrative, claiming they had a pencil they once borrowed from Bess or that they ate lunch together. In reality, nobody had noticed Bess until she was gone.

Barbara wasn't the type of person to yell, at least not in school. But, while she never used her fists, she had made it clear that anyone who talked about Bess— anyone who lied about her —would learn what it felt like to have a Lacrosse stick jammed up their—

Well, Barbara had gotten interrupted by a teacher before she could finish the threat. But, a week of detention was worth getting the lies to stop.

And they did, after that. Instead, people would call Babs crazy behind her back, separate her further from the pack. She felt like absolute shit most days and the school year passed in a blur.

And then, she started talking to Dick. And he was . . . great. Sure, she had known him from middle school, but she had changed over the course of her Junior year of school and suddenly everything else had too. It felt like she was in a whirlpool, struggling for air. And nobody noticed or really even cared.

But, then, Dick was there. And he would actually give a shit, ask her about her family and about her. It wasn't just sorry about Elizabeth, it was we still hanging after school?

And she had fucked it up.

It had been weeks since she spoke Bruce Wayne's ward and she realized belatedly how much of an idiot she had been.

__

She saw him that Monday. The trainer had just cleared her for practices starting the next day and it had completely slipped her mind that Dick Grayson waited for his rides outside of the athletic entrance each day.

She saw him as soon as she pushed open the door, crouched at the top step and tying his shoe. He turned as soon as the creaky door slammed shut behind her and was in front of her before she could think to retreat. The two looked at each other for what felt like hours and Barbara swore it felt like someone was hitting her repeatedly with a baseball bat. And then, everything rushed forward and Babs was suddenly exploding with all of the dumb thoughts she'd had in the past few weeks.

"I'm so sorry, Dick." She breathed out, avoiding his eyes. "I— everything was . . . good for once and then that dumb Arkham trip happened and I was so fucking convinced that you weren't who you said you were and I— "

"I'm not." 

Barbara blinked, peering up at him. "What do you mean?"

The teens' eyes met for barely a second before Dick looked away. "I'm— I . . . There was a reason I asked you to hang out that day."

Babs stared, silent.

"We wanted to find some more information out about— . . . about Bess Keller. And you were the only person she was friends with." His voice took on a worried pitch Barbara had never heard before. "But, I swear— I swear to you Babs, I never meant to hurt you. And— and I don't know, I figured you'd get a friend out of it and no harm, no foul, right?"

The redhead's breathing hitched, eyes tearing up uncontrollably.

"Barbara, please. I didn't realize how cool you were back then and now that I do, I just want to say I'm sorry and— Babs, please don't cry." His hands cupped her cheeks, brushing away tears as they fell. "Barbara, Babs, please. I didn't— I'm sorry."

Barbara couldn't— she couldn't do this, not after everything. "I thought you were different."

The girl pulled away, walking because she didn't have the energy or focus to force her legs to move any faster. 

Once again, her cousin had been right. Friends just hurt her and would always hurt her.

[deadchannelradio]

steph i think has a casual sex life that for half of the year could be defined as robust and other times she opens the condom/toy drawer and discovers everything has dust on it but i think over and over again it just like maxes out at like. 'acceptable'. Mildly Enjoyable. An Alright Way To Spend Time With Somebody. and usually she's rolling w men because men are just kind of easier (in my experience as someone who has dated both men and women as both a man and a woman.) Jason however has had mediocre sex but it tends towards being good just because he's not having a lot of it and so when he does he tends to make it count/is just a person capable of Listening. and at the end of this particular hookup she's like "i didnt know getting your pussy ate should feel like that" and Jason's like. well you should try women i hear they're better at it and she sits bolt upright and is like I HAVE. I TRIED AND THEYRE NOT.

launches into this story/rant about how she went to some house show and one of gothams top underground all-woman grunge bands was playing and the lead singer spent all night hitting on her because steph is a CATCH. went home with her. TEETH!!!!!!!!! TEEEETH!!!!!!!!! (jason is in stitches) TEETH, JASON. and then she went down this RABBIT HOLE researching this girl in one of her truly epic Bat Moments AND IT TURNS OUT this girl is RICH shes like the daughter of some gotham multimillionaire real estate mogul who actually OWNS STEPHS APARTMENT and all of her Poor Person Attitude And Music is FAKE!!!! SHE LIVES IN A MCMANSION!!!!!!! and everyone she talked to AGREES THAT SHE IS REALLY BAD IN BED. she gets through this whole story and jasons like "you sound like babs" and shes like FUCK. GOD DAMN IT. SHE WOULD DO THAT. has she done that? "I dont know i dont ask babs about her sex life" okay well I do and i'm going to find out. I'll be back with intel "i dont want intel" that's too damn bad.

i probably wont ever write jaysteph because i dont think they ever date i do think they hook up just once though because he's perfectly stephs type (enormous ego) (closeted as something). i think it's great sex even but i dont think they do it again. My issue as a writer is that i dont actually want to write the sex i just want to write pillow talk. and not sappy pillow talk either. one time i sucked my boyfriend silly and then we had 1.5hrs of Gender Discussion and Slur Discourse. who cares how much they love each other or how good who is at munching whoevers carpet I want to hear about how one time you thought your ex was cheating on you and you went up to him and his date in a huff and it was his mom

[bonejunky6669]

since im talking about my tlt interpretations, i didn't think there was any actually cannibalism involved in the lyctorhood process. i thought they were only eating their cavalier's souls. but flesh cannibalism on top of that really adds another layer so i like it

[theriverbeyond]

comprehensive list of Ianthe's crimes:

looked really hot that one time she wore leather pants and also Bab's body

bad at making soup

being a freak and a creepy weirdo (but who isn't!)

when she cut open Harrow's hand in the horniest possible way (the object lesson)

saved John from the river vs Augustine (doing otherwise would kill everyone in the 9 houses due to the sun collapsing if John dies)

gave Harrow a makover (could have gone better!)

grew out Harrow's hair (not her best moment)

gave Harrow a lobotomy (consensual)

that one time she stabbed Camilla in the gut (not great but still incredibly sexy)

not giving a shit about what anyone else thought of her various terrible Mithraeum outfits and leaning into Looking Like That

killed and ate Babs (real crime)

did not kill and eat her sister (heart crime but only to Crown literally no one else is upset about this)

fell in love with Harrow (literally who can blame her for this)

insane gender outlaw (hot)

space imperialism