#everyone was always making the wrong choices i believe the show was all about that
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vodika-vibes · 3 days ago
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A Choice Made
Summary: When Howzer comes to you in the middle of the night, panicked and frantic, you realize you must make a choice. Of course, the reality is that you made your choice years ago.
Pairing: Captain Howzer x F!Reader
Word Count: 764
Warnings: None
A/N: Hello and Happy New Year everyone! this is my first story of 2025, and sorry if it's not the greatest. I got a new keyboard for Christmas and it's a lot bigger than the one I was using. Anyway! I hope you all like it~
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Your home is quiet again.
Howzer, your Howzer, is sleeping peacefully in the bed next to you. He looks peaceful, and you’re glad for it. When he showed up several hours ago, he had been filled with a frantic energy that, frankly, worried you.
But a hot dinner and a warm shower did wonders to settle him, at least enough that he could explain what sent him to you in such a rush.
And that is why you’re still awake. 
His words echo through your mind even now. 
“The Empire knows about you. They’ll use you as a weapon against me. We need to leave.”
You knew this was a possibility when you agreed to date him all those years ago. And you knew the threat to you would only increase when you agreed to marry him.
But things had been so peaceful, even with everything going on in the core, so you allowed yourself to believe that everything would be okay. You’ve always been good at lying to yourself.
You shift in the bed and focus your attention back on Howzer, your fingers gentle as they comb through his hair. He doesn’t even stir.
It’s a testament to just how stressed and tired he is. 
He stirs as your fingers fall to the scar on his cheek, and his pretty eyes flutter open, sleepiness vanishing in a heartbeat when he sees you sitting against the headboard.
“What’s wrong?”
And, despite the seriousness of the situation you’ve found yourself in, a smile lifts your lips. That’s your husband, always alert for any danger directed towards you. “Nothing,”
He sits up and shifts so that he’s leaning against the headboard as well, and then coaxes you into his arms. Something you’re only all too happy to do. You always feel safest when wrapped in his arms after all.
“Then why aren’t you sleeping?” 
“I was thinking.”
He pulls you so that you’re sitting on his lap, and one of his hands comes up to press against your cheek. Immediately you close your eyes and press your cheek against his hand, rubbing your cheek against his rough palm. 
“Are you considering staying here?” Howzer asks, his voice quiet.
“No, of course not.” You slide your arms around his neck, “My place, Howzer, is by your side. You know that.”
“I’m asking a lot from you, cyare.”
“You’re not asking anything that I won’t happily give.” You press your forehead against his, “I was thinking of the logistics of moving. About where to go and how to get there.”
“You don’t have to worry about that. I’m going to handle everything.”
You shake your head, “You don’t have to.”
“Yes. I do.”
He sounds so convinced of this, that you pull back to stare at him, “Howzer?”
“You…” he trails off, and then a small smile lifts his lips and he pulls you into a gentle kiss. “I love you, so much. You know that?”
You blink at him, “Well, I would hope so. You did marry me, after all.”
“I did. And it remains the smartest thing I’ve ever done in my life,” Howzer replies with a small smile, “And you…you’re the daughter of the Organa Family—”
“Distantly. I’m distantly related to the Organa family—” You remind him.
He ignores you, “And you came to Ryloth in the hopes to stop slavers from kidnapping the twi’leks and you set up a center to help former slaves adjust to being free,” Howzer trails off again, his expression soft as he looks at you, “You would have been well within your rights to tell me to go to hell when I asked you out. But you didn’t. You agreed. And kept agreeing.”
“You make it sound like it was a crazy thing,” You reply.
“It was a crazy thing. And it’s even crazier that you said yes when I asked you to marry me.” Howzer says with a grin, “But I’m asking you to abandon your life’s work. So let me take care of everything. Please.”
You sigh softly, “If you insist.”
“I do.” Howzer trails his lips down your face, “Assuming, of course, you choose to come with me.”
“You silly, silly man.” You shift on his lap so you’re straddling him, and press your hands against his cheeks, “I made my choice. Years ago. You’re my choice. No matter where you lead me.”
Howzer stares at you for a moment, and then he pulls you into a deep kiss. “I don’t deserve you.”
“Silly,” You reply against his lips, “I made that choice years ago too.”
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saebaragi · 10 months ago
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arguing about shows with my friend is so funny, I usually don't like talking about my opinions cuz I know they'll be too different from hers, but sometimes is just much, one of these days she was like "I'm so pissed at serena for not wanting to go to college" and i was like "you and me literally never wanted either" and she was like "yeah, but she had it handed to her" and I was like "jessica you were the top of the class, our more severe teacher wanted to help you get into college, you could have went if you wanted. but you didn't. that's fine. sometimes we don't want things even when they're handed to us"
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Honey Girl.
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Synopsis - The Universe shows you your soulmate when it feels like you need them most. When you least expect it, you're given yours - Bucky Barnes. Your Dad's best friend. You can try to refuse it all you like; but the Universe wants what it wants. There's no denying fate.
Pairing - Dad'sBestFriend!Bucky Barnes x Female Reader - soulmate au
Age Rating - 18+
Word Count - 5.1k
Warnings - cursing. sexual content towards the end. mild alcohol consumption. age gap. smut in next chapter(s).
Author's Note - part one is finally here!! thank you so much to everyone who asked to be tagged, and who liked and reblogged the masterlist. i am SO excited to share this with you. i've built this world in my head and trust me it is gorgeous - salty ocean breezes, sunsoaked sailboats and billowing white linen shirts. i hope you can lose yourself in my little seaside town with bucky for the time it takes you to read this, just as i did while writing it. i can't wait to write more of this series for you x
as always, reblogs, comments and feedback (even anonymous feedback!) are immensely appreciated!! your reblogs are the only way to circulate my fics, which keeps me going <3
Masterlist. Requests. Series Masterlist. The Playlist.
next chapter (two).
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Tethering /tɛð(ə)rɪŋ/
An event in which two soulmates are bound together forever. Only occurs when the Universe decides it is time. No sooner, no later.
✵  ✵    ·  ✵    *  · ✵
The gentle ocean breeze gives you a moment of respite from the scorching sun that's beating down. You're half asleep, laying on the cool tile of your balcony when your phone rings.
"Babe! Babe! Babe!"
"Lacie? Are you okay? What's wrong?"
"I am freaking out right now, oh my god. I didn't know who to call. You'll never guess what just happened to me!"
You can guess. In fact, you already have.
Lacie's Tethering. It's finally happened.
You're taught, growing up, that your Tethering is the biggest moment of your life. It shapes who you are forever. Sets you on your eternal path. You're presented with your soulmate in a big display of love and affection and metaphorical fireworks. It's supposed to be magical.
You wish people would shut up about it.
The World seems to be split into two categories - the people that have been Tethered, and the people that haven't.
You fall into the latter.
You're repeatedly told it'll happen one day. It'll happen when the time is right. It'll happen when you least expect it.
You're not sure you ever want it to happen.
The idea that the Universe determines the person you're with forever has never sat right with you. What happened to free will? What happened to personal preference? You believe you should at least have a choice in the matter. It's your future, after all.
Not everyone shares the same sentiment.
"Babe, you still there?"
Lacie's excitement filled voice pulls you back to reality.
"Yeah, I'm here."
"Are you busy? Can you meet me for coffee, like, now?"
You take a deep breath and plaster a fake smile on your face.
"Sure. I'll see you in ten."
✵  ✵    ·  ✵    *  · ✵
"Oh my god babe, it was just incredible! You won't even believe it. There's nothing like it, truly."
You remind yourself quickly that Lacie is your best friend, and that you owe it to her to be happy for her. Personal feelings about soulmates aside.
"Tell me all about it, Lace!" you encourage, grabbing a hold of her hand excitedly.
The blonde girl squeals before shuffling closer to you, pressing her knees against yours.
"Okay, so. Picture this. I'm at my gym, doing my usual routine. I'm wearing my super cute pink Lulu Lemon set, you know the one with the flowers?"
She waits for you to nod in affirmation before she continues.
"So, I accidentally drop a weight on the ground, and it makes the biggest noise. I'm super embarrassed, and I'm trying to pick it up, but it's so heavy. And then, the hottest guy I have ever seen appears. Like, seriously gorgeous."
As much as you despise the whole soulmate thing, you can't deny how happy Lacie seems. She's almost vibrating with it, bouncing up and down in her seat.
"He comes over and picks it up for me, sets in back on the rack. And then he introduces himself, and shakes my hand, and it happened."
"What was it like?" you smile, eager for her to carry on.
"Like fucking magic."
You've heard that before. A million times. From literally everyone. Surely it can't be that magical if billions of people have experienced it.
"Magic?" you prompt.
"It is indescribable, babe. It's like... it's like everything just falls into place. Like everything finally makes sense!"
She jumps out of her chair, hugging you tightly. She's practically sat on your lap in the coffee shop, but neither of you really care.
"So, what's his name? What's he like?"
"His name is Cameron. He's new in town, he just moved here for work. He's a personal trainer, so he's like, super fit. And gorgeous. Did I mention gorgeous?"
"Maybe once or twice," you laugh.
"I'm so happy," Lacie whispers, emotion choking her voice. "I can't believe it finally happened. This is the day I've been waiting for since I was a little girl."
You hug her tighter, and ignore the look you get from the barista.
"I love you," she declares, suddenly serious. "You know that me being Tethered now doesn't change that, right?"
"I know," you confirm. "I love you too, Lace. I'm really happy for you."
You genuinely mean it. Lacie has talked about meeting her soulmate every day since you met her in the 3rd grade. You may have never quite shared her enthusiasm, but you admire her passion. And you adore her, more than anyone.
"So, what now? Are you gonna get married tomorrow and run off into the sunset?"
"I'm choosing to ignore your sarcasm because I know you're using it as a coping mechanism," she tells you pointedly. "And I know that there's a tiny part of you that wishes you'd been Tethered already, so you don't have to deal with everyone talking to you about it."
Jackpot. She's read you like a book.
"No, we're not getting married tomorrow," she rolls her eyes before continuing, "but we are going on a real date tonight. We're gonna get dinner and get to know each other. Isn't this crazy? I'm going on a date with the guy I'm gonna be spending the rest of my life with!"
"That is kinda crazy, actually," you laugh. "What are you gonna wear?"
"It doesn't matter - we're going to be together forever anyway!"
You make Lacie promise to send you a picture of her outfit as you're leaving the coffee shop, which she agrees to with glee. On your way home, you pick up some of your Mom's favourite wine, and prepare yourself for another soulmate based conversation that will inevitably happen when you tell your parents the events of the day at dinner tonight.
✵  ✵    ·  ✵    *  · ✵
"Hi, sweetheart!" your Dad beams as you step through the front door of your childhood home.
"Hey, Dad," you greet, allowing him to pull you in for a hug. "Where's Mom? I brought wine."
"Kitchen," he gestures with a nod of his head. "She's making that mango dessert you like."
Walking into your Mother's kitchen is like dipping your feet into a pool on a scorching hot day. The windows are propped open, curtains billowing softly in the wind. The ocean breeze drifts through the room, ruffling your Mom's dress and floating the hair away from her face. The evening sun beams in, illuminating the space with a golden glow. It smells like fresh fruit, mint, and salt water. It's a haven.
"Hi, Mama."
"Oh, my love! Just in time. I was about to call you to see if you were alright."
She makes her way over to you and kisses you on the head swiftly, before walking to the cabinet to grab wine glasses.
"Sorry I'm a little later than I said. I changed my outfit three times - it's warmer than I thought it was going to be."
"I know! Summer, finally. We've been waiting long enough."
She takes the bottle of wine from your hand and pours it into the glasses.
"You've poured four, Mama."
"Didn't your Dad tell you? Bucky's joining us for dinner."
"Oh. No, he didn't mention anything."
"He's back from his vacation. He promised he'd show us all of the pictures he took!"
She grabs the glasses and floats out of the room, leaving you alone in the kitchen, thoughts of Bucky Barnes swirling around like dust in the sunlight.
✵  ✵    ·  ✵    *  · ✵
James Buchanan Barnes. Bucky.
Your Dad's best friend.
They met a few years ago, when Bucky moved to town. He said he was looking for something quieter, sick of city living. He wanted to slow down a bit, finally take a breath.
He was out for a run around town, getting his bearings, when he stopped your Dad on the driveway to ask about his car. They bonded over their love for motorcycles and vintage vehicles, and the rest is history.
Bucky's been a regular fixture in your life for so long, you can't remember a time before. All you know, is that it was probably a little more peaceful. His boyish charm is infectious, bringing out the youth in your Dad. They're like teenagers, when they're together. Long lost frat brothers, your Mom jokes.
She's got a soft spot for him. Most people do. It might have something to do with the fact he's devastatingly handsome.
It's no secret that Bucky Barnes is a ladies man. He is without even trying. He's charming, gorgeous, funny in all the right ways. He's mysterious, but not disarming. Tough, but not scary. Rebellious, but not a liability. He's a catch.
A catch, with a taste for beautiful women.
Your Dad always jokes that he's the towns most eligible bachelor. You can't count on two hands the amount of women you know that have dated him - but nothing seems to stick. He isn't Tethered, after all.
Some people choose not to date, if they haven't met their soulmate. They wait and wait, and when the time comes, they're complete. Others take pleasure in dating before it happens. Might as well make the most of the freedom, Bucky said once. You can't help but agree.
Might as well make the most of the freedom.
✵  ✵    ·  ✵    *  · ✵
"Hey, buddy!" you hear from the hallway. You make your way out of the kitchen to be met with the sight of Bucky, sun-kissed and practically glowing. His hair has a few light streaks from the sun, and the faint freckles on his cheeks are more prominent now. His steel blue eyes meet yours, mischief rife in them.
"Hi, honey," he greets, draping an arm around your shoulders. He kisses you on the cheek, light stubble scratching your skin. You throw an arm around his back and look up at him.
"There's no way this tan is natural," you tease, nudging him slightly.
"It makes me even more gorgeous, doesn't it?" he jokes, winking at you. He squeezes your shoulder before letting go, grabbing a bottle of wine from his bag.
"I brought your favourite, Lori."
"So did I," you echo, laughing.
"Great minds, honey. Great minds!"
"You can never have too much wine," your Mom yells out from the kitchen doorway. "Bring it in here, Buck. I'll put it in the refrigerator."
"Yes ma'am," he obliges, making his way to her with a smile on his face.
✵  ✵    ·  ✵    *  · ✵
"Guess what happened today," you begin, in between bites of your strawberry salad.
The three of them look at you intently, urging you to continue.
"Lacie got Tethered."
"How exciting!" your Mom squeals.
"That's a long time coming," Bucky chimes in. You look at him and smirk.
"Tell me about it."
"Here we go," your Dad smiles. "Our two anti soulmate protestors."
"Don't make it sound so political," Bucky laughs. "She's the only one that gets it."
"I've said it a thousand times, and I'll say it again. Just. You. Wait," your Mom lectures. "The two of you don't get it."
"Magic, fireworks, eternal love, blah blah blah. Trust me, I get it."
"She gets it," Bucky echoes. "And so do I. The Universe decides our fate, and we get no choice whatsoever. I don't believe in it, is all. I have no faith in the system. I should get to choose."
"But you feel like you are choosing," your Dad defends. "It didn't feel like it was being determined for me. It's hard to explain."
"It's just so... backwards," you justify. "I can't believe we live in a Universe where we have all the choices in the world, but don't get to choose the person we spend the rest of our lives with."
"It's worked out pretty well for us," your Mom smiles.
And it has. The first thing anyone notices when they meet your parents is that they are undeniably in love. You've never met two people more perfect for each other - which should solidify your belief in the Universe, really. But it doesn't. You can't explain where your lack of faith in it came from. It just appeared one day, and you haven't been able to shake it since. You're grateful every day to have two Tethered, happy, smitten parents. You've seen how hard it is for people with Untethered Mothers and Fathers. The judgment, the uncertainty, the hushed whispers. It sounds unbearable.
"Yes it did," your Dad confirms, shaking you from your thoughts. He reaches for your Mom's hand and kisses the back of it tenderly, eyes never once leaving hers. You look to Bucky next to you, who smiles at you gently. Feelings about soulmates aside, the both of you love these two people sat across the table with all your heart.
"Trust me, sweetheart," your Mom begins. "I know you're against the idea now - God knows I was the same at your age. But when it happens, you'll forget about all of your rebellion. You'll just be happy."
You nod in agreement, praying for the conversation to be over. As if he can read your mind, Bucky pipes up.
"Let me show you some pictures from Italy. I did promise I would."
You shoot him a grateful look before picking up your empty wine glass and making your way to the kitchen for a refill.
✵  ✵    ·  ✵    *  · ✵
The dining room is now lit solely by candlelight, wax dripping onto the white lace tablecloth like condensation on a cold glass. The sun fell asleep hours ago, the four of you enjoying each others company with no regard for time.
"Oh, shit. It's late," your Dad says suddenly.
"You got big late night plans?" you tease.
"We have Clara and Mike's wedding at the weekend, so we're flying out tomorrow. We should probably get some sleep, so we're not exhausted."
Your Mom rises from her chair and kisses you on the head, before grabbing the dessert bowls from the table. Your Dad helps, smiling every time his hand brushes hers accidentally.
"Thanks for coming, kiddo. Your place next week?"
"Of course. I think I'll try that salmon recipe you sent me."
"Can't wait," your Dad assures you, giving you a one sided hug. He squeezes you once before letting you go to grab your shoes.
You can hear your parents saying their goodbyes to Bucky as you tie your laces, smoothing out the skirt of your dress as you stand. They all join you in the hallway, Bucky leaning over to grab his jacket from behind you. Fuck, he smells good.
"Have a great time at the wedding, you guys. Send me pictures, please!" you say as you hug your Mom goodbye.
"We will! Drive home safe, the both of you!"
They shut the door softly, leaving you and Bucky stood on the porch. The evening air chills your bare legs, salt in the breeze sticking to your lips.
"Where's your car?" he asks, looking around.
"Oh, I walked. It was a nice day, and I'm trying to be a little greener. Save the planet, and all," you chuckle.
"You want a ride, then?" he offers, leaning against the side of his truck.
"Uh - maybe," you hesitate, shifting your weight from foot to foot. You feel antsy, for some reason. There's a buzz flowing through your veins, making you a little restless.
"Maybe?" he smirks.
"I just, I'm not sure if I wanna go home yet. It might be that I've had three glasses of wine, but I'm kinda... jittery? Think I need to burn off some energy. Maybe I'll walk home."
"Like hell you will," he grumbles.
You quirk a brow in confusion.
"It's dark, and all those college kids are in town on their break. I don't trust 'em."
You fight to keep the grin off your face. You weirdly like it when Bucky gets protective. He's always so calm, so relaxed - it takes a lot to rile him up. He looks hot with a clenched jaw.
"Why don't we go somewhere?"
"Where?" you ask tentatively.
"I don't know," he thinks for a second. "How about the beach?"
You smile, gazing at him with a twinkle in your eyes.
"I fucking love the beach."
✵  ✵    ·  ✵    *  · ✵
The ocean waves break the shore steadily, the repetitive pattern calming you both. You're sat on the sand, grains slipping through your hands where you're pouring it out through your fingers. The light of the moon reflects off the surface of the sea, illuminating the abandoned cove. It's just you, Bucky, and the night sky.
The alcohol in your system has evened you out, warm buzz keeping you sheltered from the chill. Bucky's stretched out next to you, strong arms folded underneath his head. His shirt rides up slightly, exposing a slither of sun kissed skin. You pretend not to notice his Adonis belt, or the little trail of hair that leads down into his waistband.
The silence is easy, comfortable. You don't get to hang out like this often, just the two of you. It's nice.
A notification on your phone breaks through the tranquility. You both flinch.
"Sorry," you mutter, checking the screen. "It's Lacie, telling me about her perfect date."
He chuckles lowly at your tone, sitting up to look at you.
"This is hard for you, isn't it?" he asks. "You hate the whole soulmate thing, but you like seeing her happy."
Bingo. It's like he's read your mind.
"I don't know why I hate it so much" you confess quietly. "It's a part of life. I can't avoid it. I just think - what if... what if I'm like, the exception, or something? What if I never meet my soulmate - or - what if I meet them when I'm like, seventy? That happens, you know! And then I'll be fucking cursed to spend my entire life feeling like this."
"And what is this?"
"Hopeless. That's what this is. I just feel pretty fucking hopeless."
You're not sure why you're baring your soul to Bucky tonight. You could blame the wine, but you know that's not what it is. Maybe it's because he seems to be the only one that understands.
"Me too," he whispers.
You whip your head around to stare at him in shock. He laughs at the look on your face, and continues.
"You're young - you have time. I'm forty in a couple of years. Every single one of my friends is married to their soulmate - except for me."
You bite at your lip nervously, but refuse to tear your eyes away from his steel blue ones. His face is lit by the glow from the moon, and it takes your breath away for a second. He looks almost ethereal.
"You always act so... unbothered. I didn't realise... I guess I just, I didn't -" you try to gather your thoughts before continuing. "This fucking sucks, huh?"
He laughs with his whole chest, and you're convinced the sound is so special, so rare, that you should bottle it. Sell it as medicine. It'd cure anything, you're sure of it.
"Yeah, it does," he agrees with a chuckle. "It's the waiting around that's the worst part. The unknown. It could be minutes, it could be decades. I just don't know."
"At least for now, we have each other," you joke.
"Every cloud has a silver lining, huh?" he teases, nudging you with his shoulder.
You allow your weight to press into his side a little, leaning in. He's warm, and he's familiar, and in this moment, he understands you better than anyone else in the world.
"We'll be okay, honey," he murmurs. "It'll all work out the way it's supposed to."
You close your eyes, and allow his words and the breaking waves to calm your nerves. Bucky wraps an arm around you, and all the tension melts from your muscles.
✵  ✵    ·  ✵    *  · ✵
You're not sure if it's the honest conversation, or the brisk ocean breeze, but you've sobered up in record time. Your body registers this, and sends a shiver down your spine.
"You cold?" Bucky asks you. "You wanna go home?"
"Not yet," you whisper. "Not yet."
He shrugs off his worn brown leather jacket and slips it over your shoulders. It smells so strongly of him that it makes you dizzy. Bucky settles back down in his original place, returning his arm to where it was draped over you. His rough fingertips rub patterns into the material that now covers your arms, and you wish, for a fleeting moment, that it was your bare skin instead.
"You been working on anything new recently?" he enquires in a hushed tone, careful not to ruin the atmosphere.
"I made a damn good batch of macarons yesterday," you reply, beaming smile etched across your face. "Raspberry and lemon. I'll bring you some, next time I pass the Garage. You're gonna love them."
"You know, I think the only reason I ever get Mechanic of the Month is because you bring by all of your sweet treats."
You laugh melodiously, and the sound makes Bucky's heart stutter in his chest without warning.
"Happy to be of service," you tease. "I take requests, too, if you ever want something specific. Just let me know."
"You're the best, sugar."
You sink into Bucky's hold a little, daring to rest your head on his shoulder. When he doesn't stop you, you exhale, and relax even more.
"Are you working tomorrow?" he asks.
"Nope. You?"
"Nah. I'm going sailing, finally. It's been way too fuckin' long," he grumbles. "Your Dad's usually my right hand man, but he'll be in Ohio. You wanna come?"
The idea of laying on the deck of a boat in the blazing sunshine with a shirtless Bucky Barnes sounds like heaven. Who could say no to an offer like that?
"Yeah, of course. I'll bring a picnic, if you like. It's the least I can do."
"Sounds perfect," he replies, squeezing your shoulder.
Suddenly, he rises to his feet, extending a hand out to you. You grab it, and he pulls you up, the both of you shaking sand off yourselves.
"It's late, and dark, and a little cold. You ready to go?"
You nod your head, and make your way over to his truck, ignoring the heat that blooms over your chest when he opens the passenger door for you before his own.
✵  ✵    ·  ✵    *  · ✵
"Thank you, for tonight," you say as he pulls up in front of your apartment building.
"Thank you," he replies, killing the engine. "It's nice to have you back, you know. Wondered if you were gonna finish college and stay out there in California. Thought we might not see you again."
He almost sounds... relieved. The idea that he might have missed you if you didn't return effects you more than it should.
"I liked it there, but... I don't know. My family's here. I'm only twenty three. I've got time to move around the country. I missed this place too much when I was away."
"Never thought I'd hear you say that," he chuckles.
"I know, trust me. They do say absence makes the heart grow fonder."
"Yeah, they say a lot of fuckin' things," he jokes.
Bucky swings his door open, hopping down from the drivers seat. He makes his way over to your side, holding out a hand so you can jump out.
"Careful," he warns. "It's higher than it looks."
You grab his hand, and step onto the metal sill. Your foot slips slightly, sending you tumbling down and forward, out of the truck. Luckily, Bucky catches you, one hand in yours, other on your hip.
"Woah, easy. You okay?"
"Yeah, I'm good," you breathe.
He places his hands on your cheeks and cradles your face, searching for any signs of distress. You place your palms over his, silently reassuring him.
And then, it happens.
Warm, golden, molten electricity surges through your veins, lighting up each and every one of your nerve endings. Your surroundings explode into glorious technicolour, everything suddenly brighter and more vibrant. It feels like your heart is being ripped out of your chest, only to be replaced by one that beats in a slightly different rhythm. There's flowers blooming in your ribcage, new life happening inside of you. You catch eyes with Bucky, expecting to see his stormy blue ones looking back at you. Instead, all you see is your future.
Vivid, flashing images of Bucky Barnes fill your mind, each one of them tinted with a warm, rosy hue. You feel like you're being reinvented. Your skin is alive, hyperaware of the way Bucky's palms are still gently cupping your cheeks. Your fingertips tingle with anticipation where they rest on his, itching to touch every inch of him. You feel as if the oxygen has been stolen from your lungs, and replaced with love.
Your knees are the first to buckle, the weight of the moment taking you down. You hit the ground, and so does Bucky, his palms not once leaving your face. You're both kneeling on the warm concrete, ocean waves providing a distant soundtrack. Blood is rushing in your ears, and you wonder for a second if you're about to pass out. You squeeze Bucky's hands so hard, it's a miracle you don't break his fingers. He squeezes back, eyes locked on one another.
After what feels like an eternity, you both break out of your reverie. You lean forward, resting your forehead against Bucky's, both of you panting.
You're trying to catch your breath unsuccessfully. You move one of your hands to rest on Bucky's chest, right on his heart. You swear the steady beat of it spells out your name.
He mirrors you, and moves his own hand to rest above your frantic heart, the other still glued to your cheek. You both breathe, in and out, trying to match each other. When you finally do, it's as if time stops. It's just you and Bucky. One heartbeat. One soul.
You break away from him to look into his eyes again. They look different, you think. He looks different.
He gazes back at you, cheeks flushed and chest heaving. The moonlight dances off your faces, illuminating the moment both your lives changed forever.
"It's you," he breathes in disbelief.
A laugh escapes your chest, surprising you both. He chuckles with you, and before you know it, the both of you are in hysterics, sitting on the sidewalk at three in the morning.
"Of course it's me," you giggle. "The two people that hate soulmates, Tethered together. You couldn't write it."
Bucky grins at you, clutching at his stomach.
You both take a breath, and realise your surroundings. Bucky gets up first, heaving you up by your arms. He towers over you, suddenly close. Not close enough, you decide. Never close enough.
You lunge forward and crash your lips to his. Bucky instinctively wraps one arm around your back, moving his other hand to hold you by the back of your neck. He tastes like salt and spearmint and every kiss for the rest of your life.
Bucky presses himself into you, attempting to tangle your bodies together. He wants to feel every inch of you against his skin, willing you to come closer. He aches to climb into you, sew himself into your ribcage. He'd be content to live there, beating your heart, forever.
You whine, and he takes the opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth, exploring eagerly. You tilt your head back, and fist your hands into his shirt, plastering yourself to his front. He shoves his thigh in between your legs, the rough denim a welcome contrast to your soft skin. You buck your hips forward, and the friction is so delicious it makes you dizzy. You've never been kissed like this. It's almost feral. You're both surrendering to your fates, giving in to the animalistic urges coursing through you.
A seagull caws on a nearby street lamp, and the sound makes you both jump. You suddenly realise your scenario. Your Dad's best friend, who also happens to be your soulmate, has you pressed against his truck in the street, kissing you like he's running out of air and you're his only oxygen source. If it goes any further, you'll both get arrested for public indecency.
"Fuck, sugar," he murmurs against your mouth. "My pretty girl. My honey."
"My soulmate," you whisper.
The reality of it comes crashing down like a tsunami, drenching the both of you.
Bucky kisses you again, gentler this time. The tenderness makes you want to cry.
"What do we do now?" you mumble, fear coating your voice.
He senses your trepidation instantly. He feels it, actually, right in the front of his chest. It's like you suddenly share one body. There's no guessing, anymore. He knows exactly how you feel.
He takes a deep breath, trying to settle his building anxiety. He knows that if he stays calm, you'll stay calm. That's how Tethering works, right? He has to keep it together for the both of you, despite the panic that's rising in him, vibrating in his bones.
"How about... how about we both go to bed, get some sleep - and then we go sailing, later on today, just like we planned? And no matter what, we take everything one step at a time."
"One step at a time," you repeat, attempting to pacify you both.
"We'll figure it out," he reassures. "I know we will."
You find the will to step apart, which proves harder than you thought. It's like Bucky's an anchor - fastening you to peace, to happiness, to serenity. The more distance you put between your bodies, the more unsettled you feel. When you're not touching him, it's as if everything becomes unsteady, more difficult. You feel like you're on a rogue sailboat, battling the waves, threatened to be thrown overboard. Bucky is your lifevest, your lighthouse in the dark night. You're not sure how you're supposed to live your life any more than two feet away from him at all times.
You breathe, and smooth down your dress, running your fingers through your hair. You reach out and adjust Bucky's shirt where it's been wrinkled due to your tight grip.
"Goodnight, sweetheart," he murmurs, fingers tangling around your own.
"Goodnight, Buck," you echo.
He leans in to press a chaste kiss to your lips, savouring the taste of your cherry lip balm. He wraps his arms around you, unable to resist. Bucky breathes you in deeply, smiling uncontrollably. Nudging your nose with his, he murmurs gently against your mouth.
"My honey girl."
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tag list <3
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coldilikeit · 2 months ago
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Yandere Batfam x Camp half-blood (Neglected reader)
DC x Pjo
Part 11
______________________________
"Okay, I can't take it anymore, why the hell does everyone get gloomy every time we're at the manor? Everyone seems fine at duty?" Duke places his cutlery down, his tone nervous yet determined to find out what's wrong with his family
He noticed.
Of course he did, after he lost his whole life, he was given to Bruce, and he loved them, they loved him too, they were kind, understanding, and they were all he needed after everything
That wasn't the same for them, They were empty, only rare moments where they relish in happy moments
Did he ruin it? Did he do something? Or was the feeling of never truly being accepted is just because he's new? Does a certain test have to happen?
Worst part, Duke can't even complain, they showered him with love, and he tried too, he plans activities, though they always comply it doesn't help, he feels as if there's this void he can't seem to fill
What can he do to make his family well?
Is this because of that child?
(Name) Wayne?
He couldn't meet (Name), for they were already gone, when he first met Batman, when he first met the family, he didn't see anything wrong, no grieving, he thought it was odd, but it has been a year, no... Bruce would never forget a child, let alone his
Would he?
Then he saw, Duke thought he would try to make his family feel better, by asking questions about (Name), maybe recalling happy memories about that child would cheer them up
But they couldn't speak, Tim who is usually chatty would quiet down and keep to himself, Steph who would never make Duke feel lonely stepped away when asked
He saw no pictures, he heard no stories, He noticed no child.
His family, his new family couldn't have neglected and god forbid forgot a child?
The same one who took him in?
The same one he found peace with?
He knew the answer was right In front of him, Bruce often, though he cares about his kids, Duke knows Bruce is more of Batman than Bruce, And Batman loves his duty more than his kids
He knew the entire family put each other on second, Dick with the titans, Tim with young justice, Oracle with Birds of prey, this family puts family on second, but it doesn't mean they don't care
It sometimes makes Duke wonder if he'll find people that will push him to put the Wayne's second
Could it be, that everyone was so engrossed in their own lives, in their duty, their second make shift family, that they forgot about the first? that they forgot someone needed them, (Name) needed them
He knows they failed, and he's scared they might fail him too
Duke inhales and exhales, his eyes straight to Bruce "How long are you going to let your guilt eat you? You made a choice to pick your duty over your kid, so stand by it" he says
Duke knows they hurt someone, The Waynes hurt someone very vulnerable, but he can't bring himself to hate his family, they're the only one he has
Duke can't wait for the time he meets another family, maybe then he can let go of the Waynes
______________________________
"oh fuck we are so in trouble" you yell as a bunch of hippocampi swim further and further away from the camp
The harpies screech, and Mr. D- looks disappointed, as he's being held back by Hermes, you begin to think what would happen if Hermes lets go of his grip on Mr. D's arm
Percy shuts his eyes tight as he hugs his hippocampus "Thank you dad..." He whispered
Poseidon sending the hippocampi meant his father believed in him, that his father believed that he should be the one to save camp
And it made Percy believe he was enough, that he was strong
Despite the negligence Percy and the rest of the camp suffered, small moments that make the Gods show they care is enough for them
It made you wonder if your father had done the same, if he ignores you for months but pops in to check on you from time to time
Would you have stayed?
Would that have been enough for you?
Seeing as you hold on to the fact Aphrodite called you her favorite, you fear that you would have
______________________________
Duke knows the people he loves did something wrong, but because he loves them he can't bring himself to hate them, he waits to love another person more than he loves his family to leave
@ghostdoodlen @ratchetprime211 @delias-stuff @sadslasher13 @ellaprime7 @wpdarlingpan @mountvesuvu @chinxinsomnia @nathaly36 @vanessa-boo @bat1212 @ceramic-raven @sweetconnoisseurgardener @dhanyasri @bella-wolf100 @shortnsweetsposts @roseapov @d3sperate-enuf @d3kstar
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gracieheartspedro · 1 year ago
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More Than Friends
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how to help the Palestinian people
pairing: best friend!ellie williams x fem!reader (set in the jackson era)
description: you and ellie have been friends for awhile. while at a party for tommy’s birthday, you try to catch the attention of your crushes. sadly, they are all over each other. in a childish effort to get them to pay attention, you two try to make them jealous. 'cause that always ends the way you think, right?
word count: 3.3k words
warnings: MINORS DNI! this is 18+, smut, wlw, f!receiving oral (reader), fingering, jealousy, semi-public sex, dirty talk, tons of nicknames, no mentions of reader's appearance. talks of sexuality, but it's vague. reader wants to fuck whoever, it doesn't matter lol. let me know if I missed anything!
author's note: I wrote this after watching one too many ellie edits on tik tok. it was written in two hours, so it's not my finest work but it scratched my little ellie itch. okay, much love xoxoxoxxo
“So… you really like Dina, huh?”
Her face twists immediately at the question. She throws herself back in the wooden chair, cursing under her breath. Her arms cross over her chest, her t-shirt riding up a bit above her jeans. 
You saw the way Ellie looked at Dina. She looks at her like she hung the moon. She was always fumbling over her words around her, nervous to say the wrong thing. When she did try to flirt, it came up awkward and strained. And you understood her predicament because you were the same way about Jesse. 
You both were pining after two people in a committed relationship.
“It doesn’t matter anyway,” She mumbles, gesturing towards the center of the room where Dina and Jesse slow danced. He was leaning down to whisper something in her ear and it made your stomach flip. “She would never go for me.��
You felt bad for Ellie. She was everything you wished you were yourself; beautiful and funny. You felt like you were the only one, besides the Millers, who got her dry humor. You two had met in class about two years ago, now. You were a newcomer to Jackson, arriving about two months prior with your mom. When you got seated next to Ellie, you could tell her give-no-fucks attitude would mesh well with your give-too-many-fucks attitude. Over the years, you two had really rubbed off one another. You two were inseparable. 
“You’re the whole package, Els,” You say before nudging her shoulder with your elbow. You two are moping at a table near the exit of the food hall. It was Tommy’s birthday celebration, so everyone in Jackson got together to plan a big bash for him. Ellie felt obligated to come and your mom was pretty close to Maria. More time spent with your best friend wasn’t time wasted, so here you are. 
“At least she shows you the time of day,” You say under your breath. 
Jesse had been pretty flippant with you. He could never remember your name, let alone that you two shared the same street in Jackson. You also once shared a table at the mess hall. He was so tall and strong. Your crush on him was more physical than it was emotional. He was funny, sure, but you mainly just wanted to get him alone. 
“Why are we doing this to ourselves?” She ponders, finally looking away from the canoodling couple across the room, “We could do so much better!”
You know she’s just trying to convince herself of something she doesn’t really believe. The tone of her voice changes when she’s lying. 
“Like who? Slim pickin’s out here, Ellie. We have them and maybe 4 other undesirable people. There’s always the butcher’s son, he always had eyes for you.”
She grabs her cup from the table in front of you, “Yeah, men are… not my type.”
You turn your body so your legs are nudging her thighs, “Then, you really don’t have any choices.”
She nods her lips in a thin line. “I wish I could just.. Just go up there and talk to her. Ya know?”
“Why can’t you?”
“The same reason you can’t just go up and talk to Jesse.”
You roll your eyes, leaning forward on your knees. Your body is practically in her bubble, but she just sits back with her arm over the back of your chair.
You and Ellie had no real boundaries. You had no qualms about physical touch and Ellie never said anything or seemed to mind. You two have shared a horse countless times and even a bed. She never steered away from you.
“Well, Dina will talk to you if she sees other girls talking to you,” you state, reflecting on the last time everyone in Jackson got together. Some random girl came up to you two and as soon as Dina saw Ellie laughing with the other girl, she scrambled across the room to see what the fuss was about. You saw the same glint in her eyes that Ellie had. 
For some reason, it made you kind of jealous. 
You never tried to explore those knee-jerk emotions you had for Ellie. She was your best friend and you were positive she never felt romantic feelings towards you. Plus, you weren’t sure of your feelings about your sexuality. You always told Ellie you just liked who you liked, not really putting any importance on what was between their legs. You weren’t very experienced, but you had hooked up with both genders and liked it all equally.
“That was a coincidence, bug.”
That stupid nickname that she called you. Born from the one time you practically attracted every infected in the area with your scream over a huge beetle. She could not let it go and ended up calling you bug, just to annoy you. 
You finally look up at her freckled face, waiting for her to crack a smile. When you squint at her with contempt, she smirks. 
“Why don’t we find another girl and test the theory?”
She glances around the populated party, “Everyone here is over the age of 40.”
You turn back to the crowd of people around you and see that she’s right. 
You mull it over, your brain working to find a way that you both could get their attention. You two could simply say fuck it and go watch a movie and forget this stupid encounter happened. Joel would probably chew Ellie out, but when doesn’t he do that? 
Your next idea is something dangerous but something you had thought about before. You had never brought up the idea to Ellie because you were afraid of her reaction. 
“What’s your idea?”
She could read you like a book. You pursed your lips, wondering if you should even propose the idea to her. 
“How desperate are you?”
She laughs out loud, completely taken aback by the query. “Jesus, what are you thinkin’?”
You lick your lips, trying to make sure the idea comes out as a whisper.
“Why don’t we make them jealous? Just you and me?”
“How though?”
You bite the inside of your cheek, “Well, I’m a girl.”
You glance back at where Dina and Jesse were just dancing. They are both now facing you two’s direction, Jesse engrossed in a conversation with Tommy. Dina is just sipping from her glass, not really staring anywhere specific. 
You look back at Ellie who’s also looking at her, but meets your eyes when your face gets closer to hers. 
You would tell her how beautiful she was all the time and she just would roll her eyes and change the subject. You were physically attracted to her and there had been a couple of times you had thought about kissing her and wondered what her lips would feel like against yours. 
But she was your best friend. 
“Wrap your arm over my back,” You are still positioned, your elbows on your knees, your knees facing her thighs, “And rub it.”
She furrows her eyebrows, but she submits and brings the arm that is slouched over the chair to your lower back. You nod, watching as her lids lower. Her hand creeps up and down your side, her fingers grazing your ribs, up to your side boob. “Now what, bug?”
“Now, slowly move your hand up my back,” She does it as you’re speaking and the movement makes the hairs on your arms stand up, “Grab the nape of my neck.”
“Why are you making me do this?”
You lift up off your hands, bringing your face closer to hers. She doesn’t budge, sitting still and only focused on you and your words. 
“Because,” Her hand grabs the back of your neck, before slowly bringing it forward to collar bone. The gentleness of her touch and the fact that it’s your Ellie, makes every sense heightened. You don’t even realize how her touch is making you feel until you see her crack a smile. 
“Because why?” She whispers, her voice teasing. 
“Cause I want them to see you touch me.”
It comes out needy and desperate. Her eyes change when it slips from your lips, instead of being playful, she’s looking at you like you’re her next meal. She leans forward, her face millimeters from yours. 
You had never talked to Ellie like this but at this moment, you were completely transfixed on her. She was wearing a flannel over her shoulders covering her usual gray t-shirt. The sleeves were rolled up exposing the tattoo Cat did on her a year ago. 
You always thought it was hot, the way it trailed up her arm from her delicate wrist.
Her jeans are ripped and her legs and man-spreaded like she was carrying something in her jeans. 
And she smelled like pine. You loved it when you got the privilege to sleep next to her because her linens always smelled like her. You would love the idea of getting into bed with her right now.
“How do you want me to touch you?”
You chew the inside of your lip, “Any way you want to.”
She chuckles before brushing her hand down your exposed arm, “Is this for the bit or do you want me to genuinely touch you?”
You notice her being sincere. You think back to all the times you joked about sleeping with Ellie, and while at the time you chalked them up to being jokes, deep down, maybe it’s actually what you wanted. 
With the way she’s looking at you now, you prayed on every star that she would continue pushing your buttons. That somehow she would forget Dina even exists and realize it was you all along.
“Hey guys,” Her voice brings you out of your horny daze. It was the last voice you were expecting, and you can tell by the look on Ellie’s face, she is thinking the same thing. 
“Oh, hey Dina!” You quip up, not moving all the much to ensure she sees Ellie’s hand on your bicep. 
“You two busy?” The way she asks is almost too demanding. You glance back over at Ellie whose color is draining from her face. 
You shake your head, finally sitting up. Ellie’s hand doesn’t leave you though, instead, it just drops to your thigh. You try not to acknowledge it, as you notice Jesse coming up behind Dina. But now it feels so heavy against your legs, the weight of the situation finally hitting you. 
It worked. 
“We are just talking,” Ellie manages, her voice cracking. 
Jesse comes up behind Dina, wrapping his arms around her. You’re suddenly grateful that Ellie’s hand is still on you, the jitters hitting your system subsiding by the physical feeling of her being so near. 
“Looked like more than that,” Jesse jokes, his smile taking up a lot of his face, “You good Ellie?”
“Ellie was just telling me about the patrol she just went on with Jesse,” You explain quickly, making sure to look at Dina and not Jesse. “She told me about the infected y’all ran into!”
“Oh yeah, shit was crazy,” Jesse squeezes Dina tighter, “We gotta get back out there again, Ellie. You were a beast at taking those suckers down.”
“U-uh yeah, absolutely.”
You grab her hand as a reassurance. The exchange gets awkward quickly, none of you knowing what else to say. 
“Well, we should get goin’,” Dina says tapping Jesse’s arms, “See you two around?”
You two just nod. They walk away, not saying much of anything else. You stare at the wall, humiliated by the last 10 minutes of your life. You were unsure if you could even look Ellie in the eyes again. 
Ellie huffs loudly, sitting further back in her chair. “Well, that failed.”
You start to agree until that little bit of Ellie that’s rubbed off on you starts to come up your throat. The not-giving-much-of-a-fuck is creeping up on you. 
“Did it? Because I think it went exactly how I wanted it to.”
You finally return your eyes to her bewildered expression. You pull her hand off your lap as you stand up, yanking her up after you. 
“You wanted it to go like that? What was the point?”
You pull her closer to you before raising your lips up to her ear. Her hair is tucked behind the crest of her ear, so it tickles your nose a bit before you speak. 
She turned you on, so now you needed her to do something about it. Here’s to not giving a fuck. 
“The point was to get you to finally touch me.”
The temperature in the room rises a million degrees. Ellie’s eyes light up at the statement and you know that was exactly what she wanted to hear before Dina came up to you. 
You start to pull her towards the kitchen door, right near your table. You remember finding a hidden supply closet back there last Christmas party. Your skin was on fire as you dragged her through the appliances to the somewhat large closet. It was practically empty, void of anything anyone at the party may need, so it was safe. Plus it had a lock. 
As soon as the door shuts behind her, Ellie’s on you. Her lips hit yours and it was exactly how you imagined it. She was quick and eager with her kisses, her tongue plunging into your mouth immediately. She was grabbing your hips, pushing you towards the wall where all the brooms and mops were. You try not to trip, giggling as you pull her face closer to you. 
“So this is what you wanted?” She pulls away from you for a breath, “Using making Dina jealous as a ploy to get to finally kiss you?”
Your hands find the spot above the hem of her jeans, right under her t-shirt. Out of instinct, you start to unbutton her pants. 
“Actually, that wasn’t the plan.”
Her eyes are trained on your lips, “Is that so?”
“No, but you were playing the part way too well and I realized something.”
“What did you realize?”
The overhead light was so dim but you could still somehow see her cute freckles. 
“That I want you more than I want anyone else. I need you to touch me more often.”
She chuckles, her fingers still pressed into your hips, “Well, bug, I’m touching you just like you asked.”
She drags kisses up your jaw and neck. You try not to fall apart over that alone. Ellie always talked about how inexperienced she was, but she’s probably the most tentative kisser you have ever encountered. 
“Can you touch me here?”
You press your hands to the zip of your jeans. She looks down at your body to where you’re touching and she clicks her tongue. 
“Ask politely, baby, and I’ll do anything you want.”
The nickname change makes your heart stop. 
“Can you, my sweet best friend, touch me and get me off? Please?”
She groans at the question, a sound you never thought she’d make for you. 
“Of course,” She grabs the belt loops of your pants before yanking them down your legs without resistance, “What are friends for?”
You know you’re soaked by the way she smiles up at you. She gets down on her knees, looking up at you, as her hands slowly start to spread your legs. You are standing against a wall, watching your best friend’s face creep close to your center. 
It’s the hottest thing you’ve ever seen. She pulls at your panties, toying with the fabric before you take matters into your own hands and pull them down your legs. 
She brings her lower lip between her teeth, “This wet for me?”
You could slap the stupid smirk off her face, but before you can even say something snarky back, she slips her digits between your glistening slit. Your body practically buckles at the prodding, so you brace yourself against the shelf next to you.
Your normal reaction to feeling good is to close your legs together tightly, but Ellie has her left hand mounted to your inner thigh, keeping you open for her, while the other one is slowly creeping up to your weeping hole. She’s gentle when she puts one finger inside you.
Once your body reacts around her, she pulls her finger out to inspect how wet you are. After she’s satisfied with her findings, she adds another which causes you to mewl at the sensation. 
“Ellie, please,” You beg, trying to get more friction. She’s not letting you do anything but watch. 
“Mmm,” She hums before moving her face closer to you, “Love to hear you moan my name, bug. You wanna be a good girl? Keep begging.”
You never took Ellie as someone who loves to hear her sexual partner beg, but it turns you on even more. 
You watch her close in on your clit, her tongue finding the bud and flicking it a couple of times. The moans that come out of your mouth are so deprived. Her fingers slip so seamlessly in and out of you, that you try to remember a time you were so wet. Nothing comes to mind because all your brain is thinking is Ellie, Ellie, Ellie. 
“Please, please,” you plead, trying your best to egg her on so she goes faster. It works because she picks up the pace fucking you. Her mouth suddenly closes around your clit, and she sucks. 
Your one hand is still gripping onto whatever is next to you, but your other hand has to rest somewhere. Her short brown locks are right there, so you grab on. 
Her mouth leaves your clit, and instead, her tongue licks up and down your weeping hole. When you bring her closer in, her nose starts to stimulate your sensitive bud. 
The sounds are so wet and depraved, you’re sure the bubbling in your stomach is about to come to a tipping point. You find yourself grinding forward, trying to get friction on your clit again. Her nose prods the spot over and over again as you grind down onto her face. 
Ellie hums as she fucks you, trying her best to push your limit. You know you’re close and you are sure she can feel how tight your pussy is gripping onto her fingers. She knows you’re close so she kicks it up a notch and shakes her head between your folds. That motion alone sends a tidal wave within you crashing to the shore. You pull her hair so hard, you know it probably hurts but fuck, you needed her to feel how good she was making you feel. 
The white-hot feeling starts to subside and you are panting like you just ran a mile. You finally release Ellie’s head, letting her come up for air. Her lips are saturated with your slick and it looks like she’s drunk on you by the way her eyes are half shut. She pulls her two fingers out of your tight hole, making you whine at the emptiness. 
She stands up, bringing her two fingers up to your lips. 
“Wanna see how good you taste?”
She’s so fucking dirty. It gets you so riled up. 
You grab onto her wrist and bring the fingers up to your mouth. You suck them dry, giving into how absurd this is. 
“You’re a freak, too,” She beams at you, before bringing you into another feverish kiss. You were so mesmerized by her. She grabs onto your hips, pulling your naked bottom half to her still-clothed legs. 
“Why didn’t we do this sooner?” You grumble, still recovering from the drilling you just had. Her hands travel up your sides, under your t-shirt. She is holding onto your ribcage, looking at your exposed tummy as the shirt rides up. 
“I didn’t think you’d go for me, especially when guys like Jesse are your type,” She explains, so enthralled by the way your body looks to her, “I don’t know if I can let him have you, now.”
You smirk, your hands twisting around her shoulders, “Oh, I see. Well, if he can’t have me, then Dina can’t have you.”
“Well, thank God they have each other, then.”
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shapelytimber · 2 months ago
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Updated my au's recap to add Tarkin and Krennic :)
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And of course I updated The Science
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[COMMISSIONS]
(also fixed Sabé's sexuality ! Thank you to the Sabé connoisseurs for letting me know she has a canonical boyfriend at one point ! xoxo)
Yapping below vvv
Welcome to me and my struggle with imperial military uniforms fjdkdkk they just so boring and often khaki-
For Tarkin I took inspiration from a Star Trek concept that I'm so mad isn't a thing in Star Wars... The dress uniform ! The classy, just for show, uncomfortable version of classic uniforms ! (Couldn't believe that wasn't already a thing in sw, but when I searched for it I stumbled upon a sub reddit called "the empire did nothing wrong" and sometimes self care is to not clic on the clearly far right corner of your fandom to look upon a shitty fan made alterations of imperial uniforms 🌸)
Also, I had to make a choice here... Do I make the empire more strict when it comes to gender norms and expectations i.e do I put Tarkin in a skirt gkkgkffn like, I already kinda did that with both Tarkin and Krennic keeping their hair long. But in canon imperial uniforms are unisex and the same for everyone, which is great to like know the imperial military (in universe at least) doesn't do sexism a lot.... But once again, the canon uniforms are a bit boring to draw, they don't have the more classy ones you would wear for special occasions and frankly if you want a side to show more gender inequality would you pick the mismatched rebels fighting for their rights and to overthrow the government, or the established force in power that is also incidentally an empire that took inspirations from a real far right party hmmmmm
Let's look at what I made different about the empire in my au, a) Palpatine is a woman, they have an empress but b) said empress force masced her apprentice and made *him* the figure head of her empire. When you think of the empire you don't picture an old woman in a bathrobe, you picture Vader, a tall muscular cyborg with no face a glowy sword and evil telekinesis.... That is gendered in the masculine (still a dyke tho, but random civilians wouldn't know that- they don't even know if he's human). Having a woman lead a fascist empire doesn't make it better- (in my country, France, the far right party has been lead by a woman for the last 20 years and that doesn't make it fucking better)
All this to say I put her in pants fjkdkd tested with a skirt but it felt too uncanny.
And I also made her stand in the worst position to draw (for me at least) : perfectly facing the camera with a stick up her ass and at parade rest so with her hands behind her back fjkddk I struggled so hard to make it look somewhat good, and I'm still not really satisfied- also Peter Cushing's face with a hat that covers his forehead looks very wrong to me fjfkk
But enough about Tarkin ! For Krennic I also modified the uniform :D (for a second time jfofk link to the first post with another version of her uniform), but hers isn't the fancy version, it's very much her work clothes ! Still trying to distinguish her from the classic military, since she is more of an engineer/architect, so she get heels, slutty white gloves and a dramatic cape coat. Also I loved putting her in a very strict outfit but making it a bit messy in small ways kgfkgj one side of it isn't zipped all the way down, and her hair is coming down from her hasty made bun :)))
PS : one must always picture the death star as the third member of this relationship <3
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lenaellsi · 10 months ago
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after my latest rewatch I am even more convinced that crowley really doesn't have the intense self-loathing issues he's commonly depicted with. like he has some regrets and bad memories and insecurities like everyone does, and he's under an insane amount of stress basically always, but he's very confident in who he is. he's not particularly happy about being a demon, but that isn't the same thing as hating himself for it. he hates hell, not himself.
like. he’s not upset about being called one of “the bad guys” because he agrees, he’s upset because he knows aziraphale is wrong, and because this is evidence that aziraphale still believes in a philosophy that has divided them since even before his fall. he has never once considered himself less than aziraphale or any other angel. I think it's clear that he's pretty offended by that implication, actually!
“crawly” as a name is too squirming-at-your-feet-ish for him because he knows who he is, and he sees value in that person. his depression and his worrying relationship with his own life and safety come from his feelings on god and predestination, not from self-loathing. crowley does not believe in the system. he doesn’t believe in the idea that people are purely good or evil, and he’s sure enough of himself to know that he's not either. that's why he's able to make the choices he does. he's able to act in the gray spaces between heaven and hell (see: job, the flood, the "virtues of poverty," armageddon, etc etc) because he is confident enough to make those decisions without worrying about what the powers that be say about what's "right" and "wrong."
that doesn’t mean that he’s not self-conscious. he’s very concerned with what humans think of him, what aziraphale thinks of him, and (out of self-preservation) what hell thinks of him. he hides his eyes and puts on a cool, flashy persona to hide the more vulnerable parts of himself. I think everyone does that, to a degree, but it's especially obvious in crowley because of how it manifests in his glasses. he's been burned (literally) before, and he knows better than to show weakness when he could be hurt like that again.
and re: the "I never meant to fall" thing--he's upset about being a demon, yeah, because the fall sounds like it sucked, and his job tortures him when he's Good or just Bad in the wrong way, and he's deeply lonely, and the love of his life has a complex about their relationship, and he's trapped in a system where he has to blindly follow one of two nearly-identical sets of bullshit morality rules or be executed. but again, he's mad at god, heaven, and hell for all of that. I'm sure he's angry at himself for all sorts of reasons often enough, because crowley is generally a pretty angry person, but he doesn't hate himself in any sort of existential "I am an unlovable monster" way.
maybe sometimes he regrets falling. maybe sometimes he thinks it would be easier if he never did. maybe sometimes he hates his fucking line manager and wishes he could do any other job for a while. but no part of crowley thinks that he is any worse of a person after the fall, or any less worthy of aziraphale's company. he just thinks aziraphale thinks that, because of the amount of times aziraphale has told him so.
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hlficlibrary · 5 months ago
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Remember to leave kudos and a comment on the fics you enjoyed to show your appreciation! You can find the library's other recs here.
🎒 so let's cross the lines we lost by @thecoloursneverfade {E, 165k}
Louis lives a not so quiet life on a not so quiet street. Starting university was supposed to be easy, that is, until he realises his new neighbour is Harry Styles, and they kind of hate each other, so falling for him is definitely out of the question.
(or: Harry and Louis have a complicated past, Niall throws too many parties, Zayn is definitely not pining, and Liam just wants everyone to get along)
🎒 i want you so much (but i hate your guts) by becauselarry / @obviouslybecauselarry {M, 83k}
AU in which Louis gets accepted to play for the Manchester University Alpha-Beta Football Team. The only problem: Louis is actually an Omega. He is determined to make it big in the football world, though, and he can't do that bound to an Omega team. With the help of a faked doctor's certificate and some pretty strong suppressants he is ready to fight for his dream.
That Harry Styles (Alpha, second year and youngest football captain of the A-B team in ages) doesn't seem to like him complicates matters, though.
🎒 And I'll judge the cover by the book by harrystylesandstuff {M, 73k}
At twenty years old Harry has his life figured out. He’ll graduate from the private University of Buckingham and move to Oxford to study journalism. He’ll meet someone who shares his values and accepts who he is, and apply everything his successful parents have taught him.
At twenty-two years old Louis has no clue what he wants in life. He’s not sure he’ll pass the year and doesn’t know where he’ll go after that. He spends his time smoking away his doubts about himself with his friends and all he cares about is making sure his family doesn’t fall apart.
They don’t belong together.
Or a Private University AU where Harry is a queer posh prince, Louis is a closeted troublemaker, and neither expect to understand each other the way they will.
🎒 always you (i should have known) by 28goldensfics / @28goldens {T, 60k}
“Oi, now we’re talking. Came running to ol’ Tomlinson for help, gotta say Harold,” He crossed his arms over his chest, and Harry watched as his eyes looked him over. “It's very out of character for you.”
“Yeah, well, don’t feel too special, you're my last choice,” Harry subconsciously crossed his arms as well, giving Louis his own look over.
“Oh, that's a lot of power, I’m your last resort!” He wagged his finger at him, letting out a cackle. “Alright, hit me with it.”
Harry’s lips pursed as he slowly started to regret the words about to spill out of his mouth, “I want you to pretend to be my boyfriend.”
or the one where harry and louis cant stand each other and fake date to make someone jealous.
🎒 Love's On The Line, Is That Your Final Answer? by PearlyDewdrops {E, 53k}
Harry can’t believe it when Louis, the boy he’s always had a tempestuous rivalry with, asks him to be his boyfriend. Well, pose as his boyfriend, that is—for a new television game show in which young couples are quizzed on how well they know each other for a jackpot of thirty grand.
Reluctantly, Harry agrees—because he's got student loans to pay off, hasn't he? What's the harm? And he can totally deal with keeping his secret thing for Louis under wraps too. This is all just to win some money. It's fine. No big deal. What could possibly go wrong?
Well, everything. Obviously.
🎒 catch me if i fall by @shimmeringevil {E, 47k}
“You– how do you–” Louis stammers before attempting to compose himself, fighting off the tidal wave of fear that threatens to wash him away in its wake. “No. You don’t. You don’t know.”
Every protest falling from his lips is in vain, because despite what he keeps telling himself, Harry knows.
Harry's widening smirk is answer enough as he steps forward slowly, walking up until he’s right in Louis’ space.
“You look like you need some time to process things,” he whispers with false-earnestness. Sliding a hand under Louis’ chin, Harry tilts his head so Louis is forced to look up at him. “Why don’t we take a little break and start up again later, so you can mull things over?”
OR - Lovers when on the stage but bitter rivals as soon as they step off, Harry and Louis have butted heads from the moment they first met. Locked in a stalemate that they hope to ride out until graduation, things take a turn when Harry learns that Louis is hiding a secret.
🎒 Through a Mirror Dimly by LadyLondonderry / @londonfoginacup {M, 38k}
Louis Tomlinson, in his third year at university, does not expect nor want the roommate that is being assigned to his room.
Harry Styles, in his first year at university, has just been kicked out of one dorm and doesn't want to deal with yet another snobby, rich roommate.
They don't get along, and that's just how it is, until circumstances force them to reevaluate.
🎒 an ocean in my veins (you'll be diving in) by me_her_themoon / @dreamersdivin-headfirst {E, 31k}
But, since Niall is so talkative to literally anyone with a working mouth, it means that when Louis Tomlinson started to take a shine to him, Harry started to hate him.
Because suddenly, it wasn’t just Harry and Niall, and whoever else wanted to join their antics. It was Harry and Niall and Louis.
Did Harry mention that Louis is a stupid fucking prick? He wants to make sure that’s clear.
[or, harry and louis hate each other and niall just wants everyone to get along]
🎒 don't make this easy (i want you to mean it) by wildestdreams / @thelavendrhaze {E, 24k}
“Harry’s a player. All he does is chat everyone up. And guys like him are just--so ugh. He’s got that arrogant, self-assured smirk plastered to his face all the time. Always smug and stupid, like he could get anyone he lays his eyes on. All he does is make me mad and laugh all the time like he knows something that I don’t. That is so annoying.”
“But that’s just Harry,” Niall shrugged at Louis. “He doesn’t even try to flirt or anything. He’s just naturally charming, but that doesn’t mean he’s a player nor that he’s trying to get into everyone's pants. He’s just friendly. And he likes you. He doesn’t usually fall for people, but he fell for you.”
“Oh, should I feel special then?” Louis asked, snorting and rolling his eyes.
or Harry’s a frat boy who is head over heels for Louis and Louis wants nothing to do with him.
🎒 it's not a walk in the park to love each other by maroonmoonlouis (E, 24k}
“Um, where is your stuff? Have you even packed?” Harry tries not to sound irritated. Louis looks up to level him with an unimpressed glare.
“If you had bothered to pay attention to the news, you would know that I’m pretty sure I can’t leave this apartment.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Harry demands, hoping his panic doesn’t show. If Louis missed his flight, Harry will personally pay out of pocket for a new one. He is that desperate for his alone time.
Or the one where Harry and Louis are roommates forced to quarantine together, but they hate each other very much a lot.
🎒 Love Me Please by @angelichl {E, 23k}
Louis hates Harry, which is fine because he would really rather prefer to avoid him at all costs.
The only problem?
They're soulmates.
🎒 I Didn't Fall For You (You Fucking Tripped Me) by @allwaswell16 {E, 20k}
These days Louis tends to steer clear of dating alphas. He’s dated too many knotheads in his time, and he’s ready to just focus on school and his friends and his pet monitor lizard, of course.
Too bad the alpha next door won’t take a hint and stop using the worst pick up lines of all time on him. He’s really got to stop laughing with him--and talking to him and walking to class with him and letting him bring him coffee and tea and gifts for his lizard and watching Netflix together and...
🎒 Spinning Out Waiting for You by amomentoflove / @daggerandrose {M, 18k}
Harry Styles is a year and a half away from graduating with a masters in potions and he has one huge milestone to reach in his academy career: the Matching Ceremony.
From Halloween night until graduation, matched witches and familiars will have to create a talisman to be a physical representation of their bond. One for the witch and one for the familiar. Most pairings last an entire lifetime.
If only it were that simple.
🎒 if it looks like, feels like, tastes like love... by tempolarriefics / @tempolarriefix {T, 16k}
Niall has an easygoing smile on his face, bright and unbothered, as if he isn’t facilitating a lunch between Harry and the one person he might truly hate. “Niall. Louis,” Harry greets them both, somewhat strained. Louis doesn’t even look up at him. Harry sighs, taking a seat next to Niall and grabbing for the sandwich on the table. “Hear me out,” Niall says, cutting right to the chase. “Family housing.”
Or, the one where harry and louis hate each other but pretend to date to be able to live in university 'family housing', zayn and liam are their nosy next door neighbors, and niall is the friend who made it all happen.
🎒 oh so familiar by @insightfulinsomniac {E, 13k}
When Harry transferred to the University of Mestonwood, he hoped that he'd finally fit in. As a witch, he's much less likely to feel isolated on an entirely supernatural campus, right?
Wrong. Thanks to the cold-shoulder efforts of Louis Tomlinson, president of the vampire Coven, Harry still feels the sting of rejection from the most gorgeous boy on campus. It's doubly frustrating that everyone else, even Harry's only close friend, Niall, seems to think Louis is a great guy.
Harry vows to actively ignore Louis in return, but his plans are foiled when his familiar, Oli, starts turning off their telepathic connection during Harry's classes. It doesn't take long for Harry to find out where Oli is disappearing to - or, rather, who he is disappearing to.
A story of misguided enemies to lovers brought together by a stubborn orange tabby.
🎒 Do You Like My Sweater? by kiwikero / @icanhazzalou {E, 13k}
“Look, for a Sadie Hawkins dance the omegas are supposed to invite the alphas instead of the other way around.”
Niall and Liam shared a look. “That… sounds like the sort of thing you would usually be all over, Lou,” Liam said, face pinched in confusion. Niall nodded his agreement.
“Yeah, if omegas were hosting it,” Louis replied sourly. “It’s one thing if we decide that we’re going to ask the alphas for a change. It’s insulting that they think we need their permission.”
When Harry's alpha fraternity decides to host a Sadie Hawkins dance, outspoken omega Louis has a thing or two to say about it.
🎒 Where Do We Go Now by @jaerie {E, 10k}
Louis goes off to college ready to start a fresh life away from the oppressive alphas of his pack. The odds aren't in his favour when his new dorm mate turns out to be an alpha. Louis hates alphas.
🎒 Can't Buy My Love, Can Buy Me Dinner by LadyAJ_13 / @ladyaj-13 {G, 9k}
Is it ethical to accept a dinner date for the free food? And will you hate me when I go anyway?
Fact 1: Louis hates Harry Styles. Fact 2: Louis is temporarily living off toast and spaghetti hoops. Fact 3: ...Louis may be semi-accidentally dating his worst enemy.
🎒 Cut me up, kiss me harder by @lunarheslwt (M, 9k}
“Y’know, you push and push and you’re mouthy and defiant, but it’s all an act isn’t it,” Harry pressed tauntingly. He was helpless to not tilt Louis’ face back up to him by placing a hand under his chin. Louis’ eyes fluttered in response. “You just want to be roughed up a little,” he continued, voice dropping. Louis swallowed harshly, keening. “You just want to be made to take it.” “God, shut UP!!” Louis hissed, fisting roughly at his shirt. “You don’t want that either,” Harry mumbled. “Are you like this with every other omega you fuck too? How does anyone,” Louis seethed, crowding into his space further, “beg you to fuck them when you’re so full of it?” “Who said they do?” Harry asked. “Unless,” he began, voice devious, “You’re speaking for yourself. Is that it? Are you gonna beg for my knot, then? Hmm?” “Shut the fuck up,” Louis bit out. Harry had no time to think before Louis crashed his lips onto his again.
Or, a group of friends, a slightly drunk alternate version of spin the bottle, and the universe having a wicked sense of humour may just be enough to bring one bratty omega and a tired-of-said-omega’s-bullshit alpha closer than they’ve ever been. In more ways than one.
🎒 Lock On by thinlines / @thinlinez {E, 8k}
“Sure you don’t wanna do this? It’s fifty pounds a throw, my man.” The alpha winked as Louis froze before turning slowly back to face him. The twinkle in Liam’s eyes meant that he knew Louis had taken the bait. “Fifty pounds?” Louis exhaled as Liam nodded, holding the water balloon further out. The smaller alpha swallowed thickly. “Why didn’t you say so?”
In which a missed water balloon throw might have led Alpha Louis to the world's most difficult omega
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fen-luciel · 5 months ago
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To bite one's tongue
Warnings: blow job/forced submission/verbal humiliation
Summary:Furious about Mae's promotion to acolyte, you vent to Qimir about your master's questionable choices.
In hindsight, it was better not to joke about it.
-----Support me on ao3=Here-----
I don't like romantic stories-
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I watched Mae leave the store, the poison in her hand as she didn’t even say goodbye.
I remained silent for a few seconds, staring at the entrance before slowly turning toward Qimir, who pressed his lips together before returning my gaze.
"Charming, the acolyte" I said, obvious disdain in my tone. He rolled his eyes while grabbing two more glasses "I know you don't like her. But acting as a team is best for everyone and pleases the master" he poured some of the liquor left from the previous evening into the glass before handing one to me.
I grabbed it before downing it in one gulp.
"The master has gone mad. I can't believe he replaced me with that little girl"
I slammed the glass on the table, irritated, causing Qimir to flinch beside me "Don't talk like that. The master knows what he's doing, it's all part of the plan, and—" he started stammering, but I pounded the table, got closer to him menacingly, technically, Qimir was taller than me, but he was always slouched or drooping, giving me a few centimeters that I used every time to tower over him "Stop with this nonsense. I've followed him for years without asking questions, obeying every rule, then that spoiled brat shows up and takes my place"
Qimir nervously handed me his glass, which I grabbed without breaking eye contact, downing that shot as well without flinching.
"We only need to show her his face and that would be the last straw, "At that point, he really had me completely fooled" I turned, kicking the chair in front of me. It bounced off the wall with a crash, and there was another flinch behind me.
"You know he'd never—" he tried to calm me once more, a hand on my shoulder, but I snapped, turning to grab his wrist and slam it against the wall. I didn't miss how he held back from grabbing me in return, his reflexes still terrifyingly quick.
"You always talk as if you've known him forever" I brought my face close to his, our noses brushing as Qimir shifted uncomfortably against the wall. "Do you think I'm stupid? I know you know more than you say" I slowly put my hand around his neck, my thumb pressing against his protruding Adam's apple.
"Tell me, Qimir. What did you do to earn his trust like this?" I whispered against his lips. "Could it be that he finds you so useful just because of some smuggling and poisons?"
I could see his gaze harden slightly, but he remained silent. It was absurd how that day just seemed to get worse, even Qimir was pissing me off.
I had always had a strange suspicion about him, reflexes too well-trained, the relationship so close with the master, I knew he was hiding something, but I was missing a piece.
"Tell me the truth. What did you do for him?" an ironic smile tugged at my lips as I tightened my fingers slightly around his neck. "You spend a lot of time with him, after all. Neither Mae nor I have entered his refuge, but you..."
He looked at me frowning, breath short as he kept staring at me with those deep dark eyes. "What are you insinuating?" he responded in an unusually firm voice.
In return, I squeezed my fingers even more, the irony dripping from every word "That maybe... you please our master in more than one way—"
Qimir jerked away, shoving me hard enough to make me bump into the counter behind me, but I chuckled.
"Come on, there's nothing wrong with that. He's certainly a fascinating figure, and you always seem so relaxed, it all adds up, right?" I spread my arms theatrically, raising an eyebrow to emphasize the point. "You don't even have to tell me, just let me see your knees—"
Qimir stormed off, not even glancing at me as he headed toward the back of the store "You have a mission, do it."
I shrugged, knowing I had irritated him enough for one day. In return, I felt much lighter after teasing him, so I grabbed my bag and left, the thought of my master shelved for another moment.
---
We landed on Khofar without problems. Mae stepped out with her shoulder bag to take a look outside while I finished shutting down the engines.
"Hey, you have something to do" Qimir said out of nowhere, appearing from the ship's corridor. I turned, raising an eyebrow at him.
Since I teased him the other day, he'd been sulking the whole time, not to mention the mess Mae made with the Jedi and the miraculously alive sister.
I would have liked to joke about how he got tricked too, but he wasn't exactly in the mood, and given how quickly things were deteriorating, I wanted to at least follow one of Qimir's pieces of advice to stick together.
"I thought I was supposed to keep the ship ready for escape—" I began, but Qimir held an holo map in front of my eyes, turning it on to show a scaled-down version of the forest, a path illuminated in yellow at the center.
"You need to go here. To Kelnacca" I looked at the small red light blinking at one end of the line "Wait, what do you mean? Am I supposed to wait for you there? Is it to help you with the Jedi?" I got up, taking the map from him, but he shook his head "I'll take a different path with Mae, a longer one, while you'll follow this one I've marked. You'll reach the Wookiee's refuge before us and kill him"
I stopped and looked at him completely confused.
"Wait. I thought she was supposed to do that. What's going on?" I turned off the map and tucked it into my pants pocket.
"Mae has failed enough. We'll handle this the old-fashioned way. And you can take the opportunity to show your skills to the master" we exchanged a knowing look.
I understood the hint.
We were going to get rid of her.
I nodded before clearing my throat.
"Any other information from the master I should know?" I looked at him as he slung his bag over his shoulder and nervously pushed his hair behind his ears "No. Just kill him. It doesn't matter how. He's a Wookiee, use your imagination, you've never lacked it" he walked toward the exit with me following, stifling a laugh as I caught the jab he had clearly thrown at me regarding the other day. I stopped at the door just as Mae was coming back toward us, Qimir went to meet her.
"Then I'll wait for you here. Don't keep me waiting too long" I said casually, crossing my arms under my chest.
Mae made one of her usual faces before walking beside Qimir, who glanced at me over his shoulder, and I nodded to him.
I waited a few minutes before starting to walk into the dense forest.
---
I didn't have much trouble killing the ex Jedi.
One of my best abilities was hiding my signature and presence with the help of the dark side. I slipped into his house through the open window, he had his back to me when, with a quick move, I called his lightsaber to me from where it was resting on the shelf. He turned surprised to face me, but in less than a second, I activated the weapon and with a single strike, killed him, making him stagger back and fall onto the chair behind him.
I left the lightsaber on the ground before leaving knowing they weren't far away, but I needed to ensure everything went well. Mae was better off dead than captured by the Jedi, and although I trusted Qimir's reflexes, he was still just a foolish.
I decided to hide among the tree branches, my presence even better concealed in the early evening light.
I didn't have to wait long before Mae showed up... alone.
I cursed her silently, had Qimir tried to attack her and failed? Had she killed him?
The mere thought twisted my stomach, I liked teasing him, sure, but I genuinely felt a sincere friendship toward him, after all I'd known him for a few years by now.
I watched her enter the house quickly while that creature fled into the forest. I moved to follow her, but then I heard them.
The Jedi.
Fortunately, they were too focused on Mae to look around, and the darkness played more and more to my advantage every second. I still had some knives up my sleeves I could take advantage of the confusion of the fight to kill her and then slip away to search for Qimir.
If I found him dead, I would at least give him a proper burial.
Just as this thought crossed my mind, a cold shiver ran down my spine.
I looked up sharply into the dense forest and saw him.
The master.
It was a matter of a moment, the shockwave he unleashed reached me too, and I had to cling tightly to the tree bark, the Jedi scattered like ants in panic beneath me.
I thought of Mae hiding in the house, but I ignored her, even if she had the map I would have the advantage of the shorter path over her, and I could attack her at the ship if she attempted to flee.
I followed the trail of the fight below me, jumping nimbly from branch to branch. I wanted to help, but clearly the master didn’t need me.
When Osha shot him with the blaster, I tensed for a second but he seemed unfazed. He began to chase her and I was just a little behind him. However, the trees were starting to thin out, and just as I decided to descend, the master stopped a few meters from me and turned in my direction, his gaze fixed upward to where I was perched.
I froze like an animal caught in headlights, the intensity of his gaze even though it was hidden by the mask was suffocating.
In a slow movement, he brought his finger in front of his face, signaling me to stay silent, hidden. I swallowed nervously and nodded.
I ignored the shiver of fear or the fact that he probably knew where I was all along. I wanted to tell him about Qimir, but it wasn't the right moment.
I climbed higher, waiting obediently for his signal. I didn't make a sound when I saw him clash with the Jedi, nor did I intervene when he started chasing Mae. I knew he could easily kill her, he was toying with her before delivering the final blow.
I didn't like that Sol at all, and together with that padawan, they indeed proved to be a challenge even for the master. I took a knife in my hand, ready to move if needed, when my breath caught in my throat.
The mask fell to the ground with a thud as the girl was stabbed three times by the red lightsaber.
The master's lightsaber.
Qimir's lightsaber.
A white noise filled my ears as I pieced everything together.
I finally understood why I couldn’t find the key to decipher it, there wasn’t a missing piece, I just had to connect what was already there.
It was all in front of my eyes.
I continued to watch the scene until I saw those insects latch onto Qimir, who struggled in the air before being carried away. At that moment, I followed him through the trees, distancing myself from the Jedi before intervening to help him.
He threw me his lightsaber as soon as we were at a safe distance. I jumped onto the insects, starting to cut them in half to free him from the bulk of them. Finally with the help of the Force, he freed himself from the last creatures.
I touched the ground, the dawn’s light illuminating us as I looked at Qimir uncertainly.
"Qimir— I mean, Master... I thought... when I didn’t see you return with Mae—"
He turned to me with a terrifying look. I had seen the kind of personality he showed when his face was uncovered and the one he used with the mask, but now that I knew the truth, I couldn’t reconcile the two extremes.
"It's too late to get her now. But we can deal with the sister"
He gestured towards Osha’s body lying a few meters away from us.
I took a few hesitant steps towards him, the unease twisting my stomach as the memory of that afternoon shook me "Qim— Master. I just wanted to... apologize for the other day—"
Suddenly, a grip around my neck cut off my airways, pulling me into his hands, his fingers pressing against the skin of my neck.
"You're right. We need to clear up the misunderstanding that has arisen"
I was forcefully shoved to the ground, my knees hitting hard from the impact.
Instinctively, I put my hands around his wrist trying to free myself, but his grip was like steel. The muscles in his arms were tensed and gleaming under the morning light as my breath shortened.
"Please, forgive me for my insolence" I whispered with half-closed eyes, my voice choked and my heart pounding wildly.
The smile he gave me almost made me vomit from fear.
"No. You were right. I’ve neglected you. And yet you’ve always been so obedient to me..." with his free hand, he caressed my cheek and then my lower lip, his dark figure blocking the view of the dawn's rays.
"I’ve put you in the background. And yet Mae has been nothing but a disappointment" He smiled again, sweetly, yet there was nothing kind in his gaze.
"You deserve a reward. You’ve seen my face without any favor" His tone was ironic as my chest burned, struggling to get air into my lungs. My fingers trembled as I tried to grasp the hand tightly clenched on my skin, causing painful pressure, I knew he would leave bruises if I survived.
"You deserve a greater reward for being such a good student" Suddenly, he let me go with a slight push backward. I gasped uncomfortably coughing in big gulps of air, my eyes burning. I rubbed my neck uneasily, and when I turned towards him, I saw just in time his hand grabbing my hair forcefully. A hiss escaped through my teeth, but I tried to maintain some composure not knowing what would make him angrier. His fist was so tight on my scalp that I feared he would tear the hair from my forehead.
"Open my pants" he said in a rough voice, moving a few centimeters closer. I looked at him in shock, my lips trembling, hoping I had misunderstood his words.
"Master... please—"
A slap hit me squarely in the face, stunning me, the ringing in my ear drowning out any surrounding sounds.
I made a small, surprised noise, my breath caught in my throat, but his grip on my hair kept me in place.
"You only speak when I command you. Do you understand?" he roared. I nodded as much as I could in response, the sensation of burning and dull pain on my cheek "Open my pants, acolyte"
I took a trembling breath as I began to untie his pants, not daring to look up, so I just stared at his dark underwear.
The loose fabric had fallen around his ankles.
"Come on. Pull it down" he ordered. I bit my lip before moving closer on my knees, almost flinching at the sensation of my fingers brushing the smooth skin of his sculpted abs. I slowly pulled down the fabric, exposing his semi-erect penis.
I blushed at the sight. The truth was, I knew nothing about sex. I liked to use it as a topic to make others uncomfortable, with blunt jokes or derogatory insults, but I had barely kissed a man in my life. This was the first penis I had seen in person.
He took his erection with his free hand and began to stroke himself slowly in front of my trembling eyes, the discomfort growing every second. But that dark red tip was the only thing in focus in my field of vision, drawing me in like a moth to a flame, the whisper of the dark side surrounding us "Look at you. You’re almost drooling. You were born with this desperate craving for cocks"
I bit my lip in shame, the words choked at the back of my throat as I focused on other things, like the throbbing of my bruised cheek or the scratching of my sore throat.
"Come on. Lick it." The erection had swelled and hardened in front of my eyes, the tip stopping less than an inch from my mouth. I trembled slightly, the pressure of his gaze and the veiled threat dripping from each syllable he spoke were enough to make me act without complaining.
I exhaled through my nose helplessly as I stuck out my tongue to give a small lick to the warm flesh "Good girl, just like that, slowly" he held my head steady, the cock barely touching my lips, forcing me to extend my tongue to reach it.
He brought my head close enough for me to lick the red tip with the full length of my tongue, the salty, sweet taste flooding my taste buds. I wasn’t sure what I was doing or if I was doing it right, but he didn’t seem displeased.
"You like it, don’t you? On your knees for your master. The honor of licking my dick, that’s what you wanted, isn’t it?" It was instinctive to think to say no, but I didn’t have the courage to speak, much less look him in the eyes. Instead, I focused on wetting his cock hoping to make him less angry.
Meanwhile, Qimir stepped closer, allowing me more access to the taut flesh, shifting his hand to only hold the base to position it better near my face.
"Keep going, slut" The insult gave me chills, whether from the harshness of his tone or because the weaker part of me found it exciting, I continued to caress the length from base to tip with my tongue, trying to reach every angle I could, sucking the thin, warm, pulsating flesh, the protruding veins, the color... and the smell.
I felt my head fog up, my hands were free I could at least try to rebel, but I kept my arms relaxed by my sides as I let myself be used like a doll. Maybe I actually liked it. Maybe I was truly a slut.
"And now take it in your mouth" He moved it down again, pointing it straight at my lips.
I exhaled through my slightly parted lips, still too uncomfortable to look at him in the face. At that moment, I knew I would never have the courage to rebel. He moved the taut flesh around my lips and then, in a clear derogatory gesture, slapped it lightly against the cheek that had burned so much earlier.
What burned the most was that I could feel something wet forming between my legs.
I stuck out my tongue again and finally rested the tip on my flesh enough to close my lips around it. I began to suck, occasionally moving my tongue to envelop it, hoping I was doing it right. Qimir above me groaned slowly as he moved his hips imperceptibly.
"I knew you were a natural bitch. I should have trained you to take my cock from day one" He pushed my head further forward, at least half of his dick was in my mouth. My jaw hurt, but I dared not make a sound. He used his grip on my hair to fuck my mouth, a stream of saliva falling down my chin. I had to dig my nails into my palms to keep from touching myself. I was already in enough trouble, I didn’t want to give him more reasons to torture me.
He continued like this for a while, at a torturously slow pace, then, stepping forward, he shoved the full length down my throat. I moaned in panic as my breathing was obstructed, my nose pressed into his dark pubic hair, choking noises escaping as I struggled not to cough, the burning in my throat worsening the situation.
"Take it like a good slut. Look at you, clutching your legs in heat while sucking your master’s dick." some tears fell from my eyes. I wasn’t sure if it was from the undeniable excitement dripping from my core or the shame of being used like this by Qimir.
"I should keep you like this forever, with your mouth ready to warm my dick" He began to thrust deeply into my throat, pulling out until only the tip touched my tongue, and then pushing back in to the base, firm and resolute.
"Beg for it, slut. Submit to the pleasure I give you in body and mind" His thrusts grew faster, with streams of saliva connecting his cock to my mouth.
"When we get home, I’ll break you until the only thing you can think about is my load filling you every day"
Suddenly, he stopped with the tip brushing my swollen lips "Say it" he ordered.
I hadn’t even realized I was crying profusely by this point, too focused on taking his dick in my throat without choking. But now I felt it, the wetness between my legs, the itch in my stomach, and the racing heart. I stared at that swollen tip like a starving woman.
I... I wanted it.
"Please, Master, fill me with your cum" I finally looked him in the eyes and almost lost myself in those languid, pleasure-filled pools.
I wondered what I must look like from his position. Held by the hair while I prostrated myself submissively to his will, eyes swollen with silent tears, my cheek red and sore, maybe with the mark of his hand on it and trembling lips.
"I will be your good slut forever, I will never dare to insult you again. Please, fill me with your cum" I parted my lips wider and stuck out my tongue to emphasize my words.
He, on the other hand, smiled.
"Good girl"
He returned to touching himself, his erection tensed in his fist as he grunted more and more "Swallow it all, slut" he whispered hoarsely. He made a strangled noise, and the first thick spray hit my face in a hot jet. He shoved it back into my throat with force, his hips moving quickly while his iron grip kept my head still. Thick ropes of cum were forced to the back of my throat. I moaned, feeling the warmth reach the pit of my stomach. I didn’t even realize how my hips were trembling as an orgasm hit me dry.
By now, whatever little dignity I had left was shattered as I moaned around his cock, my eyes closed while my brain stopped functioning and remained silent, a victim of the explosive sensation of the orgasm.
Qimir pulled out one last time to release the remnants on my mouth and tongue, and finally let go of my hair, allowing me to collapse to the ground.
I lay still with trembling limbs, my brain trying to process the events of the past few hours.
Qimir adjusted his clothes and walked towards Osha, who had remained unconscious a few meters away.
"Get up. We're going home. You still have much to learn" he picked her up in his arms and walked away without waiting for me.
I took a few seconds to catch my breath, humiliation embedded in my bones, the sweet, thick taste on my tongue as I spoke with a broken voice.
"Yes Master"
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yuyu1024 · 6 months ago
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Good morning, Love
Pairings: San × y/n
Genre/tags: lovers with age gap
Warning: 🔞 fluff but still smut, pet names, cursing, suggestive/unprotected sex (be safe everyone), hj/bj, insecurities, judgement on physical appearances
~~~ [lmk if i miss anything]
Words: 2.3k
Disclaimers:
- this story is just made up
- english is not my first language, please be nice 😊
A/N: no plot. I tried writing without stopping yesterday but i fell asleep as my meds kicked in... 😅 and yeah this is it.
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It's always so awkward for you when your group of friends talk about their each own lovelife stories. It's not because you are jealous, envious, bitter or whatsoever. No. You can't be either of those things as you are not single and have a dry lovelife.
However, they don't know that. That is the thing. No one knows you are dating. Why? Because you are scared to be judged. Especially in this modern world where some are just entitled with their opinion. Tells what they think even though there is nothing wrong with it.
Yeah... there is nothing wrong with you dating no. You are in love. Both of you are. But... what you think can be the issue in this society is the age gap.
Funny enough, the distance of your age to your boyfriend is not even that big. It's just roughly five years. But for you, its like a fossil dating a baby.
***
"Good morning, Love..." your man greets you as soon as he comes out of the bedroom.
He is smiling ear to ear seeing you, his dimple is showing and his eyesmile is just the cutest.
"Why are you up so early...?" he hugs you from your back as you finish washing the pan you used for cooking breakfast for him.
"I just... felt like it." You answer smiling
"Hmm..." he inhales your scent. "But... it's saturday..." and then he pushes your hair off your neck and nibble tiny bits and pieces of you. "I was hoping for a quick hot fuck with my love..." he gnarls
"Sannie... we already had sex last night.."
"So...?" He pauses and looks a little offended, "why? Don't you like it when we do sexy time in the morning...?"
"No...." you twirl around to face your Goddess boyfriend. He have been working out more lately and it is so visible. He's so buff. "Well..."
"Well?" He arch one brow, waiting for you to explain.
"Don't you get tired?"
"Of what? Having sex? No! I work out to have good stamina for you..." he kisses you on your shoulder, "to make sure I please you, my love..."
You chuckle at how serious he is with his answer and yet so cute pouting.
"Not sex... I know you will not get tired of it... I know... believe me..." you tease him by biting your lip and then lightly running your fingers from his thight to his very noticable erection. "I meant... me... you... getting tired of me."
"And why would I?" He frowns.
"Well..." you lean back to the sink, giving a few inches of gap between you two. "I'm... older... and not that good looking..."
"What are you even talking about?" He is not smiling or being playful anymore. He just looks very not amused by your choice of words to describe yourself. "What's the matter? Why are you saying that about yourself...?"
You press your lips together as you don't know what to actually tell him.
It's not his fault. God no. San is an incredible lover. He always makes you feel loved, appreciated, contented and secured It's just your own insecurity. It's just your own thoughts whenever you try to compare yourself with others. Especially with all these younger and prettier girls around, in his work, in this neighborhood and online.
Well you don't think he will cheat. San is not like that. However, one day, if... he suddenly feels like settling down and having a family on his own. You are not the best option for that. 32 yrs old is not THAT old but... even though you are in that age, you haven't thought of settling down still.
You enjoy your time with San. But you are also afraid that you are waisting his prime years with you. Fucking you 'till you can't walk instead of someone...
"Love?" He grabs you by the waist, realing you in back from your thoughts. "Stop it okay?"
He knows you so much that he can tell from you zoning out.
"I fucking love you."
"I... love you too..." you say softly
"Then what's the matter?"
You shrug. "I don't know..."
"Are you going to leave me?"
"What? No!" You snap
"Then... stop overthinking about things that are not our problem right now..." he leans in and kisses you on the lips. "Whatever you are thinking about me, going away... it's not gonna happen. Okay?"
"Okay..." you try to sound confident.
"Answer me... with confidence love..." he lower down a bit more so his mouth reaches your tits.
He lets his tongue make circles over your thin white top, licking and making it basically see through with his saliva.
"Sannie..." you breathe, holding on to the to the counter top for support as you feel something in your stomach flutter. "What...what... are you doing... huh?" You throw your head back.
He didn't stopped. He continued licking until he had to tease you a bit more by bitting your now hard bud. He is literally reeling you out of those nonesense thoughts of yours.
Then his one hand going to your other tits, kneading it while his delicate fingers pinch and caress the other nipple.
"Are you happy with me?" He asks, his eyes looking at your face while his mouth is busy, continuing sucking.
You look down at his naughty eyes. "Y-yes... I am...."
You see a hint of smile from him. A little devilishly smile. He can't hide it even though his mouth is so busy with you.
You press your thighs together as you began to feel an undeniable intense pressure down there. It is tickling you from inside out.
"San!" You arch your back even more, making sure he can suck it more.
He growls his excitement as he sees you get more into it. He then takes you by your waist pulling you to him. You can feel his rock erection through his jogging pants.
"Maybe..." you breathe as he pulls away from your tits.
"Maybe what, my love?" He eyes you with so much adoration and happiness.
"Let's go back to bed?" You shyly asks
He just laugh and picks you up like a bride. "I can stay all day in bed if you want..."
He carries you back to your room and gently puts you down.
"But... I don't mean it like... you will take care of me..."
"Eung? What you mean?" He tilts his head, confused with your words.
"Let me..." you reach for the hem of his pants and slowly curl it downwards. "I want to take care of you today..."
He bites his lips, surpressing his excitement. "But love... you need it... what you said earlier..."
"I know... I know..." you kiss him on the cheek. "I felt a little... down... but..."
"But.... what?"
"I know I maybe older to you...however you are much mature among the two of us..."
"And...?"
"Well... you've taken care of my needs... and fill up my emptiness whenever I need it... want it..."
"And...?" He arches his brow
"And... its only me that overthinks about us...no one really calls me out... I just.. assume they do... or will do..."
"Love... Whatever you feel or think about us... is valid... the world right now... well they say people are more accepting nowadays... they do but still not all of them. Even within ourselves..."
"Yeah... I guess..."
"But... then... why do you want to take care of me?" He leans closer to kiss you. "I am so ready to put my dick in you now...." he mumbles as your lips separates.
"Because..." you glance down at his pants and then back to his eyes. "I want it..." you breathe the words out, sounding like a whine. But its not. You just want to give him what he deserves.
You ask him to switch with you. You let him sit on the edge of the bed while you stand up.
"Love.." he bites his lower lip as he watches you move.
You are not even doing anything yet. You are just standing up and looking down at your man, drool over you. White wet shirt and your black fitted cycling shorts.
"Oh San... you look aroused already..." you giggle as you see his face. "I haven't done anything yet."
He pouts and wrap his arm around your waist and presses his face on your tummy. "I can't help it. You're so fucking hot."
"I love you...."
He tilts his head up and smile. "I... love... you..." he whisper. "So...... much!" He adds at the end
You grin as you find him adorable. However, "Fine Mr. Loverboy..." you push him away from you, forcing him to lay down on his back. "Let's go back to business..."
You pull his pants down to his ankles and then removed it gently before throwing it away. You have your serious face on whilst your boyfriend is covering his face, hiding behind his hands. He's not laughing or what. He is shy and can't hide his excitement, that's all. Hmm... well, he can't really hide it. His dick is showing how turned on he is.
"Don't you want to look at me?" You ask
He takes his hand off his face and push himself up with his elbows. "Fuck!" He blurt out when he sees you naked and going down on your knees.
You grab his length and gently pump him a few times, making him squirm under your touch before fully taking him in your mouth.
"Love..." he moans as he feels the wetness and warmness.
You lick every vein and curve. Even the very tip where he is so sensitive and making him go crazy.
"Shit!" He gasps, "Love!" He grabs onto the bedsheets and tries to stay in place for you.
You bob your head fast and then slow teasing him his high. You want to make sure that he is feeling everything and emotionally having it all. You can even feel his length twitch in your mouth which means he is close.
"Y/N...my love..." he gets up and grabs you by your face and kisses you on the lips. He can taste himself in you but fuck that. He is so high right now with arousal and love for you. "I need to fuck you now or I'll go insane."
Climbing onto the bed whilst you to are lips to lips, San can't help himself but to rush. He even throw the plushies you have on bed just to give way for you to get into position.
"I love my weekends with you..." he says as he nibbles your neck. "No..." he gives you a smooch on your shoulder. "I love all the days I spent with you..." and a kiss on your cheek. "I love YOU."
You smile and nod, "I'll remember that."
"You should." He kisses you on the lips. "Always."
Then before you could open your mouth to repeat the word 'always' he had his length already aligned to your entrance. You felt his tip touch you and it made you melt already. His tip is so warm and when he pushes it in, you felt your insides move.
"Oh... God..." your mouth opens into on O.
He is so fucking thick. You have been dating for more than a year now and you are still getting surprised on how thick he is.
"Tell me if it hurts... I didn't prep you... I got so excited..."
"It's fine..." you smile and pull his face for a kiss.
Sex with Sannie is so satisfying. It's not just sex for him, it's really something you've never felt from anyone you have dated in the past. He is making you feel love in every thrust.
It may sound weird but it is true.
"Aaahhh..." his mouth drops opens and exhales as he felt you squeeze him inside  "l-love... aaaahhh..." he closes his eyes as he slows down his movement. "Fuck... I might not last long anymore..." he then stretches his arm to reach for the bedside drawer
"Don't..." you say catching your breathe. "It's okay..." you say
"Are you sure?"
You nod.
"But your.... fertile..."
You laugh when you realized what he just said. "Baby... I can't...how did you know that?"
"Of course... I know... I should know..." he hugs you and kisses you more whilst slowing down his hip movements to control a little bit more. "I know you are not ready yet... and it's part of my job.. being your boyfriend... to know your needs..."
"Aww..." you tap his nose lightly and then raise your legs to wrap it around his waist. "Thank you..." you whisper. "Give it to me now then..." you add
"What?" He is frowning but smiling. "Love, are you... serious?"
"Yes... If it's alright with you... if ever... after this... we get a little mini you and mini me..."
"Fuck yeah!" He sucks you lower lip. "I want us to have children... more people to show love and appreciation for your existence.. and I promise..."  picks up his rythm up again. "I will raise our kids with so much love.. and...and..." he opens his mouth to take quick breathes as he feels his climax coming. "Love... ahhh... Aack! Shit!"
You feel his dick pulsate and pump in you. Its warm and its quite a lot.
He snorts a laugh as he lays on top of you while you caress his head. "What's funny now?"
He pushes himself back up, "you mention children already..."
"Hmm..."
"So does this mean..."
"Mean what?"
"You want to spend a life with me? Forever?"
You smile, "Of course..."
San can't hide the pure happiness in his smile. "Just tell me when, where and how... I'll marry you..."
"I don't need a fancy wedding... All I need is you..." you say
"Ditto..." he lays his head on your chest. "But about the baby..."
"What about it?"
He looks up at you again, "just to make sure... can... we... go for one more?"
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stari-hun · 1 month ago
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I get having an issue with a lot of “good” ending AUs in Mouthwashing ending with murdering Jimmy or something, but I think the issue should be more with how heavily needed he is for the plot. Like as a fictional story he’s still very important to the message that Wrong Organ wants to tell and the story they wanna show. The point of having no autonomy as a player is to force you to sit down and listen because let’s be real if we had even 2 canon endings then people would go even more stupid than now. Mouthwashing is inspired by real stuff that happens (SA, “holding off” on getting justice for it for the sake of the group, people who ignore the actions rape culture perpetuates then becoming victims of violent acts on their own, etc etc).
We just saw a CEO who’s indirectly responsible for the deaths of thousands of people being murdered and the public response that followed. As a society we’ll literally always question whether or not the death of someone bad is a good thing, but we’re much more likely to have outcry with it when it’s so blatant. Someone dying behind closed doors or “softly/peacefully” , generally a non disruptive death to the general public, it’s held with significantly less outcry. A lack of tension doesn’t guarantee the presence of justice.
I think that Jimmy being killed to save the group should also be recognized as an equally viable option in the same way Curly’s decision to hold off on angering him more until they got back to safety was valid.
Curly holds a very important role as the Captain of the Tulpar which at the end of the day means that no matter what any and all mishaps ARE on him. Being a leader means taking on the responsibility of care for others, and considering him being the sole member kept by the Pony Express, Curly was GOOD at his job. With all the fights we see between Daisuke and Swansea with him trying to chase Swansea away? Keeping them together for months was a pretty great feat. Anya asking Curly why there’s no locks on the doors of the sleeping quarters is a very significant moment, and there’s a reason why the majority of women who do playthroughs instantly understand the implications while men don’t. It’s also a big part of SA culture. Despite the very real chance of men becoming victims too, it’s something they just aren’t taught to fear or think about as a possibility. It never crosses their minds that that will happen to them or someone in their general vicinity if they “know” everyone. It’s the concept of every woman knowing a victim but no man knowing a perpetrator. Curly genuinely and fully believes in Jimmy’s potential and personhood after knowing him for so long even though logically he’d have the most exposure to Jimmy’s aggression and seeing the way he treats women. As a Captain, it’s Curly’s fault for not connecting the dots or noticing what was going on, or taking more action from the start with the way Jimmy treated Anya despite the fact that Jimmy was more than likely passive aggressive towards Curly as well. Albeit for extremely different reasons with Jimmy looking DOWN on Anya for being born a woman while he dislikes Curly when he perceives Curly looking down on HIM for having more success in life. It’s no coincidence that Curly’s narrative “punishment” is being robbed of his autonomy and choice like Anya was.
The role of taking leadership and looking out for the bigger picture as a whole and ignoring a dead pixel or the unimportant things until perceived bigger issues are taken care of is the JOB of the Captain. For what Curly knew, Jimmy was a problem but hadn't escalated past what he had ever directly seen of him doing, he was in check. When he's a potential threat it makes sense Curly chose to wait until they were in a safer location than closing in on an asteroid field, but ignorance is also a sin especially when you're proven to be a good leader in all other moments.
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thatbuddie · 7 months ago
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ok so bear with me here, this theory is based on nothing but vibes and dreams and delusions.
buddie is going canon in 8x12 which is also episode 118 of 911.
i still find it so interesting that they decided to make bi buck canon (i will never ever ever ever get over bi buck canon, btw) in episode 100 of the show. i know that nowadays episodes 100 of shows are not as big as they used to be (mainly because shows rarely make it to them) but they still mean something big. something big enough to warrant press and cakes and such. and what did 911 do with their 100th episode? they made it about bi buck. in a way that forever links the essence of 911 and bi buck forever. and i find that so incredibly beautiful.
it would be logical to argue that episode 8x12, which is episode number 118 of the show that revolves around station 118, has the potential to be something different and special too. i think that the best way to honor this would be by making it a mostly lighthearted team-focused episode. give me bottle episode at the station where the team receives 0 calls all shift, give me an episode from the 3rd person pov of the people that they help on calls and how they view the 118, give me a the 118 gets locked in a room silly episode, just give me something fun and heartfelt that shows the 118 as the family that they are!!! and then.... and then....
give me the first real confirmation of buddie going canon at the end of the episode. and i mean the very last scene of it.
they already connected a big episode (7x04 aka episode 100) with a very big moment that many many fans had been waiting for (bi buck). why not connect the other very core episode of the show (their 118 episode which is nothing really and yet so special of them) with the other big anticipated thing that fans have been dying for for years.
and like y'all, bi buck is important in and of itself and i hope we all know that. but bi buck is so intrinsically connected to buddie too. and i mean both in fandom and in the canon as well. like we know what subset of fandom has been reading buck as bisexual for seasons now and it's not most of the casual viewers (though i hope some did). it was the buddie fandom. and in 7x04 the way that buck's realization arc was so incredibly connected with eddie and their friendship is astounding. like i still can't believe that it went that way. and that is a deliberate choice. there were a thousand ways in which they could have done it and then said "we are putting eddie diaz, evan buckley's best friend and the guy that everyone who wants bi buck ships him with, in the center of it." so it would be very on brand for producers and writers to give us the actual buddie of it all in episode 118 which could be an episode to touch the core of the show -found family, the firefighting aspect, the hope- which at this point includes buddie as well.
now we know NOTHING about s8 right now so this is where more vibes just get added but it would also make sense that it happens in 8x12 because that it the second half of the season. i feel like s8 is gonna start a little "dark" (and i just mean sad) for the 118. gerard is gonna be ruining their lives and making everything wrong. and eddie is gonna be doing badly, y'all. of course he is. so we can use the first 8 episodes to "solve" these things. eddie can finally be in therapy again for more than his ptsd. the 118 can be fighting to get bobby buck. the bucktommy relationship can be worked towards a break up that moves buck to the next stage of where he's going. and then s8b starts. and we have a "lighter" feeling. hopefully chris is back. bobby is back. buck and eddie are single and we can see that there is something there but for now it has been things that still maybe not everyone can catch on to. so then 8x12 happens and BOOM. buck and/or eddie realize/aknowledge/voice the truth of it all: it's always been about buddie. and then we have 6 more episodes in the season to explore that!!! which is a pretty fair number, i think.
so yeah, that is my-based-on-nothing-but-i'm-now-convinced-is-happening theory for a buddie canon confirmation in 8x12 aka episode 118 of 911.
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justalost4girl · 6 months ago
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ONE
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This fanfic is part of my Taylor Swift coded fanfics. word count: 3186
A girl walks onto the stage with a guitar in hand and a smile on her face.
She greets the band, and they greet her back. The shy girl thanks everyone for coming tonight.
Natasha Romanoff grips her glass tighter and orders another shot of whiskey without looking at the bartender, as she can't take her eyes off of you.
✧ ˚  ·    .
One year earlier…
She finds you at the café. Natasha hates cafés, but she knows your company's head of security comes at the end of every period to get coffee with you; it's been like this for two weeks.
But today, you're alone at a table, and Natasha needs to adjust the plan. She goes to the counter and orders a cappuccino—the same as yours—and looks for a place to sit.
Your eyes meet hers, and for a moment, the redhead ignores the hot cup she's carrying.
You're beautiful
And shy.
Natasha recalls your file and smiles. You were exactly as Skye had described. She sees a chance to approach in the crowded room and clears her throat; she's done this before but feels the need to focus.
"Can I sit with you?" A soft voice pulls you out of the stupor you entered when you looked into those deep green eyes. Eyes that could inspire symphonies, and you believe she's the most beautiful woman you've ever seen, and your brain can't do more than nod, afraid of saying the wrong thing.
She sits beside you, not in front of you, waiting to analyze your computer. The file didn't mention the software you use, so it's up to her to find out before your friend arrives. She positions her coffee well so her field of vision can see anything that appears on the screen.
"I'm pretty sure I've seen you around here; do you live nearby?" She asks, trying to break the ice as usual, but deep down, she feels strange under your contemplative gaze.
"Yes, I live in the building across from Luthor Corp and work there." Your voice shows pride, and your eyes sparkle, Natasha notices. She wonders if you know what your colleague has been developing and the true nature of your boss.
"And you? I don't think I've seen you around here before," you seem genuinely interested. Natasha likes that. Targets are easy, but you are very easy; with just a few words, she already knows where you live and work. For a security analyst, you are far too naive.
And she puts the plan into practice.
"I just moved to the end of the block. There are so many boxes… I needed the coffee to give me energy." She says with an extremely calculated tone. You smile and notice that she has a beautiful corner smile and really seems tired, so you offer to help.
You always offer to help strangers.
And Natasha celebrates the success of the plan while taking a sip of coffee and leaning toward you, complimenting your screensaver. While you give her an excited explanation, she takes the opportunity to see the type of software used and memorizes the access password when you unlock the computer to show how the galaxy theme expands on your computer.
You exchange names.
She's Natalie. Nickname? Nat. The redhead shares similar tastes to yours, and something tells you that coming here alone was the best choice. After all, Nat would never look at you if Luke were around.
You also have a name, but everyone calls you Newton. In honor of your favorite physicist. A development assistant in the security sector with a desk always organizedly messy, in your words. Your boss, Luke, didn't come today because he had an emergency meeting and gave you the afternoon off. Natasha makes a mental note to understand this.
He didn't have any meetings scheduled.
As the coffee finishes, Nat guides you to her house. You stretch your back and even tie your hair up to help with the boxes. Then, you feel a bit disappointed to find there are only two, but you don't complain.
You never complain.
Natasha watches you help organize the books in the living room, chattering away about how you've read most of them and your opinions. You don't notice, however, that they show no signs of use, and amidst some jokes, for a minute Natasha forgets about the mission. Being with you is comfy.
"Wanna order pizza? I know a good place." You ask, sitting on her floor. Your jacket, backpack, and shoes are at the door. She liked how you took off your shoes to enter her house. It's a sign of respect, you say. The file points out the numerous k-dramas evaluated in your account, but she doesn't comment and even finds it adorable. She finds you adorable. Period.
"Sure, but only if you agree to watch something before we go and let me pay for the snack. You were my hero today." Nat smiles, and all that crosses your mind is how random your luck is. Here, sitting on this floor with the most beautiful woman you've ever met in front of you, the word destiny has a new meaning.
She gives you yoga pants and an oversized Star Wars shirt, your favorite saga, to make yourself comfortable. The pizza arrives while you're changing, and she can't use your laptop, but that loses its importance when your heart warms seeing you wear clothes she bought just for you. You feel like you're in heaven for finding someone as big a Star Wars fan as you, because that shirt was only available by order. Everything seems too perfect, you think, but the thought flies when you find out the theory of olives applies to both of you.
Natasha puts on your favorite movie from the franchise, and what was supposed to be just one movie becomes a marathon. She knows all the lines and jokes from each movie, knows curiosities and book details, and that makes you ignore your phone all night.
That night, you fall asleep on the couch.
The sun hits the window, and the redhead opens her eyes and sees you. Your arms are by your side, but Natasha is practically in your lap. Even in a deep sleep, you respect her too much to touch her.
Natasha is distracted for a moment and wonders how much of a spy she was last night. Here and now, looking at your lips in a half smile and your messy hair. Natasha almost feels bad for getting into this mission.
Almost.
She shakes her head and carefully gets off the couch and goes to your backpack, finding a black-covered book and the laptop. The goal? Install a spy program on the laptop. The problem? Natasha's curiosity gets the best of her, and she opens the book.
Your song lyrics, drawing attempts, and poems are a world for her to explore, and only after ten minutes, Natasha remembers the mission. She plugs in a device, pockets it, and waits for the installation, but when the progress bar is only halfway, your alarm goes off, and Natasha has to improvise.
Two minutes until the program is complete.
"Hello there," she says, smiling softly, throwing herself on top of you.
"Ah, now you're Obi-Wan? I thought you were Jar Jar Binks," you say, rubbing your eye and laughing at her offended expression.
Natasha rolls her eyes and starts a tickle war. You squirm, and she lets herself spin on the couch, ending up underneath you.
"Okay, okay, truce. You're not Jar Jar. You're the face anyone would turn to the dark side for," you say, feeling an unexpected courage.
"Does that go for you, Newton?" Natasha says softly, her eyes fixed on yours, her gaze alternating between your lips and your eyes in an almost hypnotizing manner.
"That goes for me, Nat," you whisper, looking at her lips.
You're not sure who initiated the kiss first, but you like to think it was both. The world seems to stop as your lips meet, each touch filled with emotions and suppressed desires. For you, it's a moment of pure magic and connection, an unexpected paradise. For Natasha, it's a reminder of what she could lose, a conflict between duty and desire.
The day passes slowly. She drags you from the couch to the kitchen for coffee and then back to the couch for a make-out session. Natasha has a dominant and bossy streak, and you feel comfortable and safe beside her, as her hands don’t cross any boundaries and remain on your waist. You try a new recipe, talk about the weather, exchange compliments and kisses. The afternoon arrives, and Luke calls you to the office.
You decide to stop by home first but manage to take one of Natasha's limited edition sweatshirts as a promise to meet again soon.
Natasha leaves you at the door smiling like she hasn't in a long time. All for the mission, of course. At least that's what she wants to believe.
She doesn't realize she forgot to send the report to Fury.
You don't realize your laptop is on in the backpack.
Nat is different from any woman you've ever met.
Not that you've met many.
No, but Nat is different. She's kind. She's everything you could ask for in a person. Nat is too good to be true.
"Newton is smiling today?" Luke says, approaching your desk.
"I found my soulmate at the café yesterday," you say, eyes sparkling.
"Really? What's she like?" he asks, placing some files on your desk.
You describe everything, from her appearance to shared tastes, and he smiles like he does with clients.
"Send me the code by 5 p.m., then you can go see your future wife," he says, typing something on his phone and leaving.
You smile and grab your laptop. It's almost dead and turned on. You find it strange but don't question it; after all, the computer is still locked. The memory of Nat's eyes brings you more inspiration, and you jot down about the new shade of green where you found peace.
The afternoon passes in a blur, the leaves fall, and you finally finish the code. Luke is nowhere to be found, something about an urgent meeting, and you decide to send the code by email.
Natasha is at home, with full access to your computer, celebrating the success of the plan. The virus will accompany the file. Luke will open it on the corporate computer, and she can finish the mission. She watches you through the camera, and Natasha misses you for a moment. You are a beautiful collateral damage. Too kind. Too captivating.
She knows it's wrong, but she lets the idea linger in her mind for more than a minute.
Natasha sighed as she shut down the laptop, feeling the weight of the decision she had made. She glanced at the phone screen, hesitant for a moment before typing a quick message to Newton.
"Miss you, come over?" she typed, her fingers hesitating over the keys. It was the first time in a long time that she allowed herself to be true.
"On my way, General Romanoff," you reply, making your usual path with a smile on your face.
☆。*。☆。 Eight months earlier…
One night, as the soft moonlight filtered through the curtains, you were sitting on the couch beside Natasha. She was flipping through your lyric notebook, and after much persuasion, she managed to convince you to sing one of your songs. With a shy smile, your voice filled the room, bringing life to the carefully crafted words.
Natasha watched you with admiration, her eyes sparkling with each note. When you finished, she applauded enthusiastically.
"You have an incredible voice, you know? You should leave this field and sing in a bar. Become famous and rich," Natasha suggested, excitement gleaming in her eyes.
You laughed, shaking your head. "Maybe someday. But if I do, will you promise to be there?"
Natasha took your hand and looked directly into your eyes. "I wouldn't miss any of your shows for anything in this world," she said sincerely.
Later that night, after waking from a nightmare and seeing Natasha, who was now lying on her side, her hair spread across the pillow, you took a deep breath.
Focusing on the woman beside you, you felt a mix of tenderness and curiosity as you admired the peace on her face. Her gentle features seemed even kinder in the quiet of the moment.
Natasha breathed calmly in peaceful sleep, immersed in a world of tranquility that contrasted with the turmoil of your own thoughts.
For a moment, you wondered about the thoughts Natasha kept, about what she dreamed and what made her smile in the silence of that rest. There was something intriguing about the way she moved in the world, near you, an aura of mystery and serenity that deeply attracted you.
You were in love; you felt it intensely and quickly. And for the first time in your life, you felt that this love was mutual. You lay down beside her, lightly touching Natasha's lips with a kiss. She slowly opened her eyes, meeting yours with a gentle shine of surprise and care.
"Nat," you started, feeling your heart racing with emotion overflowing in your words. "Will you be my girlfriend?"
A radiant smile formed on her lips, her eyes reflecting tenderness and joy. She nodded slightly, without saying a word, but making it clear that her answer was yes.
☆。*。☆。 Six months earlier…
You walked out of the office with firm steps, Luke by your side. For the first time in months, he mentioned it was for security measures, and you didn't mind, too excited to introduce your oldest friend to your girlfriend. The usual café was just a few meters away, and Natasha, watching from afar, noticed the smile on Newton's face as she entered the establishment.
"Hello there!" You exclaimed eagerly upon seeing Natasha, who smiled back warmly as she greeted you. "You're here! I missed you," Natasha said, warmly embracing you. She caught the familiar scent of Newton and momentarily lost herself in the comforting sensation.
"Yes, and accompanied this time. Nat, this is Luke. Luke, this is Natalie," you introduced them, your eyes shining with affection for Nat, your girlfriend.
"Natalie! You're as beautiful as she said," Luke complimented Natasha with a gallant air, earning a playful eye-roll from Newton. Natasha noted the dynamic between the two, the way Luke enjoyed subtly teasing her.
"Maybe Newton is onto something after all," Natasha replied, laughing softly as she observed Newton and Luke interact.
Luke was at ease, responding to Natasha's light questions with calculated calm. He didn't reveal much personal information, maintaining a professional and careful demeanor in his responses. Natasha tried to probe him about his work and interests, but Luke skillfully deflected, keeping the conversation on superficial topics.
During a momentary pause, Luke received a call on his cell phone. He discreetly stepped away to answer it, while you and Nat continued chatting. A few minutes later, Luke returned with a serious expression.
"Newton," Luke began, catching both your attention. "I just received an important call. We need to prepare for a trip to Seattle in a week. We have a client that requires our personal attention. We'll be there for a month."
You nodded, feeling the weight of responsibility on your shoulders. Natasha couldn't contain her excitement upon hearing about the trip. It was the perfect opportunity to gather evidence against Luke's criminal activities. She spoke with anticipation in her eyes. "That's great! I'd love to come along, if possible."
Luke seemed surprised by Natasha's suggestion, his gaze becoming more cautious. "Natalie, I'm not sure if…"
"I have family there, I don't need to know many details, I just didn't want to be away from Newton," Natasha said persuasively, while Luke looked at her with a wary gaze.
You smiled at Nat and kissed her gently. "Of course, you can come, right Luke?"
Luke nodded resignedly but with a faint smile. "Alright, then get ready for the trip."
While observing the tension in his voice, you recalled how meticulous he had been with security recently. First, insisting on buying a new computer for you, claiming it was safer and more efficient. Then, personally supervising the building's security system update. At the time, you thought it was just part of his protective nature as head of security. Now, however, looking at him, there was something in his behavior that made you wonder if he was hiding something.
The idea of betraying you was unbearable. If only she could find something to justify her mission, she could decide what to do next. She could stop everything, tell you the truth, and run away to Greece, or anywhere far from here.
On the flight, Natasha kept herself discreet, but every glance exchanged between you two left her more conflicted. You were excited about the trip, unaware of the internal turmoil Natasha was facing. She wanted to protect you, but how could she do that when she herself was the threat?
Upon arriving at the destination, Natasha checked into the same hotel as you, but Luke made sure she had no access to the meetings. He was vigilant, observing every interaction between you. You, on the other hand, seemed happy with the opportunity to explore the city alongside Natasha, oblivious to her true intentions.
Every night, as you fell asleep, Natasha stayed awake, lost in thought. She looked at you, feeling a mixture of tenderness and guilt. She knew she needed to act, to find something that would change everything. But until that happened, she stayed by your side, cherishing the time she still had.
Natasha Romanoff had no idea she wasn't the only one playing this game.
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Two - July 9, 2024
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Comments are appreciated :)
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n0vazsq · 1 month ago
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Ice Princess | Pau Cubarsi x Reader
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pairing . . . pau cubarsi x gf!skater!reader
summary . . . When you're scared about your upcoming competition, Pau makes it his mission to comfort you
request . . . no!!
word count . . . 1.3k+
warnings . . . none!
faceclaim . . . N/A
alexavia yaps . . . ice princess is one of my fav movies of all time so ofc i had to make a fic out of it <33 also fluff bc i feel bad about all the angst ive written so yeah!! hope you guys enjoy <3
taglist . . . @barcapix ,, @f1lover55 (lmk if you want to join the taglist!)
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. . . The arena was nearly empty, the distant hum of the Zamboni echoing through the cold air. You sat on the edge of the rink, nervously tightening the laces on your skates, the cold biting at your fingertips.
The competition was less than twenty four hours away, and despite weeks of preparation, anxiety filled your stomach. The stillness and shine of the ice mirrored your reflection, a still figure on the rink.
Pau leaned against the railing, his gaze fixed on you with that soft, thoughtful expression he always had when he thought you couldn’t see. His presence had become a comforting, quiet thing you didn’t know you needed until it was there.
"Are you ready?" he asked, his voice low, filled with gentle encouragement.
You let out a shaky breath, meeting his eyes. "I think so…"
He grinned, the corners of his lips pulling up in a way that always made your heart skip a beat. "You always say that. And then you go out there and prove everyone wrong."
You laughed, the sound filled with nervousness. "This isn’t exactly the same, Pau. It’s not just practice. The regionals are tomorrow. I can’t mess this up."
He walked over, crouching down in front of you so you had no choice but to look at him. His hands found yours, warm and steady despite the cold. "You won’t. I’ve seen how hard you’ve worked for this. You’ve got this."
For a moment, you didn’t say anything, just held his gaze. It wasn’t just the competition that had your nerves on edge, it was the pressure you put on yourself. The long hours of training, the early mornings, the sacrifices.
Sometimes it felt like you were skating on thin ice, trying not to fall through.
"You’re not in this alone, you know," Pau said softly, as if reading your mind. "I’m here. No matter what happens tomorrow, you’ve already won in my eyes."
You felt the sting of tears, blinking them back. "You’re too sweet."
He stood, offering you his hand. "Come on. Show me one more time."
You took his hand, letting him pull you up onto the ice. The familiar glide of your skates steadied you, the world falling away as you moved. The cold of the air against your face, the sharp sound of your blades cutting into the ice.
It all felt like home.
Pau skated alongside you, a little clumsy but focused. He never minded how many times he almost tripped, just wanting to be there with you.
"You’re getting better," you teased, laughing as he nearly fell face first onto the ice.
He gave you a mocking glare, his eyes twinkling. "I’m just trying to keep up with the ice princess."
You rolled your eyes, but you couldn’t hide your smile. "I still can’t believe you’re out here, freezing with me."
He shrugged, his grin softening. “I'm wearing layered clothes and a coat. You're in…this," He gestured to your skating dress, hands going up and down. "Besides, I’d rather be here than anywhere else.”
You felt the tension in your chest ease, the weight of tomorrow’s competition lifting just a little. You skated ahead, spinning into a perfect loop, the motion effortless, like it was normal.
When you landed, Pau was watching you, his eyes filled with something more than admiration. He skated closer, closing the distance between you. "You know, watching you out here… it’s like you’re flying. I can’t explain it."
You felt your cheeks warm, the compliment hitting deep. "It doesn’t feel like flying without you being my cheerleader."
He laughed, the sound beautiful and warm. "Then I’ll always be here, cheering for you. No matter what."
For a moment, the ice, the arena, the upcoming competition, all of it faded away.
It was just you and him, standing together in the quiet. The world outside the rink didn’t exist; all that mattered was you and Pau.
"Thank you," you whispered, your voice barely audible.
He smiled, leaning in, his forehead resting against yours. "You don’t have to thank me. I believe in you."
The cold air around you felt a little warmer, the ice a little softer beneath your feet. Tomorrow might be the biggest competition of your life, but in that moment, you knew you wouldn’t have to face it alone.
Pau pulled back slightly, his gaze lingering on yours. There was a vulnerability in his eyes, a quiet strength that made your heart pound. "You know… I’ve watched you push yourself so hard for this. I just want you to know that, no matter what happens, it doesn’t change how amazing you are."
You swallowed hard, emotion welling up in your chest. "Pau…"
He brushed a gloved hand against your cheek, his touch so light, almost like a feather. "I mean it. You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to win to be worth something. You already are."
A tear slipped down your cheek, and he gently wiped it away. "I guess I’m just scared," you admitted, your voice barely more than a whisper. "Scared of failing. Of disappointing everyone."
He shook his head, his eyes set. "You could never disappoint me. Not even if you tried, hermosa."
"You always know what to say." You laughed softly, the sound laced with tears.
"Only because it’s true," he said, his voice firm. "You’re stronger than you think."
You skated away from him, needing a moment to gather yourself. The ice stretched out in front of you, vast and empty, like a blank canvas.
You took a deep breath, then launched into a spin, letting the movement ground you. When you stopped, Pau was watching, his expression a mixture of awe and pride.
"You’re incredible," he said, his voice adoring.
You skated back to him, your heart pounding. "Only because I have you with me."
"Always." He grinned, pulling you close.
The silence stretched between you, comfortable and warm. Outside, the city continued on, but in that moment, it didn’t matter.
The only thing that mattered was the promise in his eyes, the unspoken vow that he would be there, no matter what.
As you stood there, the ice beneath you and Pau’s arms around you, you knew that you could handle anything. Tomorrow’s competition was just another step, another challenge. But with Pau by your side, you knew you wouldn’t face it alone.
He tilted his head slightly, his eyes searching yours, filled with an emotion that made your breath catch. His hand, still gloved, cupped your cheek gently, his thumb brushing away a stray tear that had slipped down.
"You’re stronger than you think," he whispered, his voice barely audible.
The world around you seemed to fade, the cold air replaced by a warmth that had nothing to do with the arena.
Slowly, almost hesitantly, he leaned in, his lips meeting yours in a soft, lingering kiss. It was gentle, yet it held all the unspoken words, the promises, the quiet support he had given you.
When he pulled back, his forehead rested against yours, a small, almost shy smile playing on his lips. "No matter what happens tomorrow… you’ve already won in my eyes."
Your heart swelled, a mixture of nerves and comfort washing over you. "With you here, I feel like I have."
For a moment, the ice, the world outside, the pressure of the competition, all of it disappeared. There was only Pau, the steady beat of his heart, and the quiet promise of something more.
"I'll love you forever, and I'll support you no matter what, mi princesa de hielo."
After he said that, you knew that whether you won or lost, you'd have someone by your side.
And that someone was the love of your life.
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joelslastofus · 2 years ago
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[SUMMARY: TW: Miscarriage. Joel doesn’t react in a way that you’d like when finding out you’re pregnant and feels guilty when you suffer a miscarriage.]
TW: miscarriage, mentions of blood
Angst Drama
“I should’ve never spoken to her like that” he crossed his arms looking down at the ground, he was angry at himself. You were always the one person he never allowed himself to get this way with.
Joel could tell something was on your mind as the two of you walked through the woods. You were on your way back to Tommy after a failed attempt to find some food. Tommy and his group were starting to run low and you both had quickly volunteered to help.
That morning before you had both left you confided in Tommy’s wife Maria about something you were unsure of. You admitted to her you thought you were pregnant, her response made you more anxious. She had heard enough about Joel to know this wouldn’t be something he’d want. Yet, she was your friend, she calmed you down and grabbed a test she had from the supply closet and quietly waited beside you. Maria advised you to tell Joel during your walk but somehow you couldn’t find it in you to say a thing.
You would catch Joel looking at you with the corner of his eye as you both climbed up a hill before you lost your balance and fell to your hands. Grabbing you by your arm Joel quickly helped you back up as you took a deep breath and nodded.
“Thank you” you whispered as he looked down at you with curiosity.
“You alright?”
“Yeah, scratched my hands up a bit but I’m fine” you dusted off some dirt from your hands as he stepped closer.
“That ain’t what I mean” you looked a bit confused.
“What’s wrong with you?” The sun shining down on him he squinted his eyes as he looked at you.
“Nothings wrong with me, why do you think something’s wrong?” You asked nervously, was it that obvious something was up? He tilted his head with an expression that showed he didn’t believe you making you sigh.
“Fine. It’s…I…Joel I don’t really know how to tell you this” you looked away pressing your lips together.
“Tell me what?” He grew more eager to know whatever was on your mind. You sighed again getting frustrated with yourself.
“You know how I was with Maria for a bit this morning before we left?”
“Mhm” he looked at you deepening the lines in his forehead.
“Joel, I took a pregnancy test with Maria and it came out positive” you said it as quickly as you could, afraid to look up at him.
He was silent for a moment as a wave of shock ran over him.
“So why’d you come along?” His question making you look up confused.
“What?”
“Why would you come all this way, get yourself hurt or something. Let’s get back” he began to walk ahead of you as you watched with a puzzled expression.
“Did you hear what I said?” You followed behind.
“Mhm”
“Aren’t you gonna say anything?” You asked making him stop and look back at you.
“What’s there to say? It’s not like you can get rid of it” his choice of words caught you off guard as he turned away and kept walking. You didn’t say much as you made your way back to Tommy’s.
You regretted saying anything. A knot in your throat and fighting back tears from your eyes until you finally made it back. Joel could tell what he said uspet you, he didn’t like when you were upset but his emotions took over and he didn’t think before he spoke.
Once arriving Tommy and Maria were waiting at the door as you walked in angrily walking past everyone.
“I don’t think that went well” Maria whispered to Tommy as Joel quickly followed you.
“We’re not gonna talk about this?” Joel walked in the room behind you.
“Oh I’m sorry, now you have something to say? Not that you haven’t said enough with what you already said” you threw your bag to the side. You sighed knowing this wasn’t the best news to hear yet his reaction wasn’t what you wanted either.
“What the hell did you want me to say?” He suddenly yelled.
“Look, Joel I know this is the last thing that you want after what you’ve gone through-“
“Dont go there” Joel said in a rough voice.
“But it’s the truth-“
“Leave Sarah out of this, you don’t talk about her!” You were surprised to hear him even say her name. Yet more surprised at the way he made you feel as if you were no one to him to mention someone so important to him.
“I’m sorry” you whispered looking away, his angry expression fading into guilt. He never spoke to you that way and he didn’t like that he did it.
“Look….we barely have food here to survive ourselves” he continued in a calmer voice.
“I know this isn’t what we need but like you said, it’s not like I can get rid of it, unless you know a doctor I don’t know about or a pharmacy that hasn’t been cleaned out” you bluntly responded with a bit of sarcasm.
“Just forget it, I should’ve never said anything” you turned away emptying your backpack.
“Oh yeah and then do what? Just disappear and deal with this on your own-“
“Maybe it would’ve been better that way.” You cut him off coldly. Joel rubbed the hair on his face not liking your response, his anger getting the best of him.
“Yeah well maybe you should’ve gone had a different life with that baby somewhere else” he walked out slamming the door shut.
Tommy and Maria sat in the kitchen as Joel walked in and poured himself a shot.
“I fucked up, Tommy” Joel spoke not looking his way.
“I know she’s scared” he continued before drinking the shot and slamming the glass down.
“Hell, the last thing she needs is me sounding like an asshole but shit Tommy, I’m scared too” he looked at his brother with worried eyes.
You could hear Joel talking downstairs as you wiped away tears. Changing into a nightgown you were ready to sleep the rest of day and forget about everything. You had always dreamed of being a mother but of course not like this. You placed your hand hesitantly on your stomach and smiled when suddenly a sharp pain like you had never felt before struck you. Hunched over in pain you panicked to call Joel but you refused.
“Maria!”
Joel quickly looked up the stairs noticing the panic in your voice, just as he was about to move Maria stopped him.
“Let me check on her, stay with Tommy, she’s probably just upset”
Maria opened the door and gasped finding you halfway to the floor.
“Oh God what happened”
“Don’t call Joel, I don’t know…I just-“ you looked down noticing a pool of blood forming beneath you.
“Shit” Maria whispered.
“I should really get Joel-“
“No!” You practically yelled.
“Please, just help me” you whispered as she looked at you concerned.
“Let me get paper towels, I’ll be right back” Maria quickly ran downstairs as Joel rushed right up to her clearly worried about you.
“Joel-“
“What is it?” Joel asked noticing something was wrong.
“Joel, I believe she’s having a miscarriage” color left Joel’s face as he looked at Maria in shock before running past her.
“Joel no! She doesn’t want you there!” Maria yelled up at him as he ignored her and rushed open the door to find you sitting on the floor trying to push yourself up with blood around you.
“Jesus Christ..” he whispered as you looked up.
“No, get out, I’m fine” you yelled at him as he ran to you and tried to help you up.
“Stop it, I don’t want you here” you pushed his arm away as you began to cry. You knew what was happening and even though having a baby wasn’t the best thing, it didn’t make this any easier. You tried to get yourself up but you didn’t have any strength, you tried to get away from him, from embarrassment, from frustration, you felt shame.
“You’re gonna hurt yourself” Joel stopped you as you shook your head.
“I can clean myself up, just go-“ you shoved his hand again.
“I’m not going anywhere” and you knew he wouldn’t. You gave up and leaned back on the wall as he began to clean you up. Slowly picking you up he bought you to the bathroom and began to undress you.
“Why is there so much…” you seemed so confused by the blood looking down as he stopped and tilted your face up at him.
“Look at me, don’t look at that, you look at me” you nodded doing slow blinks feeling a wave of tiredness come over you.
“Hey” he shook your face making you open your eyes as you noticed Maria come in behind him as everything became blurry.
“She’s lost alot of blood, she needs to get rest and hydrate” you could hear Maria’s voice before feeling yourself being lifted up.
Joel finished cleaning you up and left you in bed asleep to get rest. Going back downstairs he paced back and fourth as Maria and Tommy watched.
“Joel she’s gonna be fine-“
“Why’d you let her come with me?” Joel looked at Maria as she lifted a brow.
“Excuse me?”
“You knew she was pregnant, why would you send her off out there with me, she fell at one point, how do you know that didn’t cause this?”
“You’re out of line, Joel” Tommy stood up in his wife’s defense.
“Besides what do you care, didn’t you not want this?”
Joel stood silent, not actually sure if that was truly how he felt. He knew he was letting his frustration out on the wrong thing, his guilt eating up at him.
“Maybe if you weren’t so angry she would’ve never been afraid to tell you earlier” Maria snapped back making Joel look away not bothering to argue back.
“I should’ve never spoken to her like that” he crossed his arms looking down at the ground, he was angry at himself. You were always the one person he never allowed himself to get this way with.
“Joel none of this is your fault” Tommy sighed trying to reassure him but he couldn’t help but think it was.
“All you can do is be there for her, don’t beat yourself up, brother. That’s my job” Tommy tried to tease him to lighten up his mood.
Joel waited in a chair beside you falling asleep just as you began to wake up. You found him asleep as you looked around the room and found a glass of water beside you on the table. Your mouth felt dry, pushing yourself up you reached over for the glass just as Joel opened his eyes and quickly jumped up. Holding the glass he helped you drink from it before laying your head back down. You sighed looking at the ceiling as he looked down at you struggling to find the right words to say. He sat down on the chair leaning forward, you could tell he didn’t know where to start.
“Look, I’m sorry for acting the way I acted. I’m sorry for what I said, you didn’t deserve that” his eyes met yours and you could see the sincerity in them.
“I never meant what I said, I promise you” he whispered.
“It’s fine, Joel…I was stupid to even think there was a slight good thing in this” he could hear the sadness as you spoke.
“No, you weren’t stupid” you looked up at him not sure what to make of what he said. Without saying much Joel said alot.
“I’m sorry about mentioning Sarah-“
“You don’t apologize for that, you did nothing wrong you hear me? I should’ve just taken care of you regardless of how I felt and maybe you would be fine right now.” He stood up frustrated.
“Joel, come here” he stood still not coming close.
“Come here” you repeated more sternly. He walked towards you with glossy brown eyes and leaned over you, you could tell he was fighting back tears.
“This is not your fault, we were just both afraid and that’s ok. I love you” you assured him making him look up like he seemed shocked.
“I don’t blame you” you caressed his face gently, he turned his lips to your hand and kissed it softly.
“Come lay with me, we don’t have to say anything else” Joel nodded and slowly walked around the bed getting in beside you. Cuddling up against you with his lips against your cheek you took a deep breath and closed your eyes feeling at peace with him close by.
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anassemblageofpassions · 12 days ago
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Something I really loved about the wicked movie was how it highlighted how compassionate and self sacrificing Elphaba really is.
She only has her position in the school because of her talent for sorcery, and Morrible is the one who let her in, and still, at a word from nessa, she threatened to quit and potentially lose her position at school, her whole life and her whole future, just to do something nice for galinda, who has treated her like garbage for the entire time that she’s known her.
Elphaba is willing to give up every piece of herself to anyone in need, to anyone who shows her loved ones—and not even herself—a sliver of compassion that she has scarcely experienced. And this is shown in her relationship with glinda, where Glinda gives her an inch and she gives her a mile. She loves so, so deeply and she has experienced so little of it in return. When she finally receives love, she gives with her entire self, and she gives her entire self away to those who are suffering unjustly. Her entire future, her one chance at acceptance by everyone.
She respects Glindas choice not to go with her because she loves her so much. Elphaba can read everyone to a T except for the people that she loves. Give Elphaba a sliver of love and you can do no wrong in her eyes.
Look at how she treats Glinda before she falls in love with her. She becomes blind to her faults the way she is to nessas. The way she is to Madame Morribles until it’s too late.
And that’s what makes her relationship with Fiyero interesting too. She sees who he truly he is and falls in love with him before he gives her love in turn, and even though he has nothing to gain from it, he falls in love with her in turn. He is the one to take the step towards her versus her running to him the way she does with nessa and later Glinda.
And it is after she receives this true love and loses it that she loses herself entirely. On top of everyone else she has lost. She loved wholeheartedly and she gave her self to the world and the world destroyed the people she loved for it. Without her love, there is no Elphaba. No good deed is the ultimate shattering of Elphaba Thropp, and she never recovers after. Even when she discovers Fiyero is alive, she knows she has lost herself because she cannot give anymore of herself than she already has because now that she has experienced true love she cannot lose it. Even if she loses her other true love in the process. Because she does love glinda, maybe even more than she does Fiyero. But it is the last sliver of herself that doesn’t tell Glinda the truth, that sets her on a journey to fix oz. The last remnants of Elphaba Thropp, her last selfless act, even though she is screaming to tell her, to let Glinda know.
Elphaba and glinda end their respective journeys where the other started. Elphaba cannot fight anymore, and Glindas fight has just begun. But both are equally broken. They have lost each other, but Elphaba has gained community with Fiyero while glinda is forever alone, because no one will ever be able to understand the truth that elphaba always knew that she now does. Glinda surrendered the most fulfilling relationship of her life with the most incredible person she had ever met to the man she so desperately clung to, who she had already lost when she made the decision to abandon the woman he loved.
Elphaba never regained herself after fiyeros “death”, after nessas death, after Dr Dillamonds destruction, after Glindas abandonment. She fought to cling to herself through it all, through her entire, miserable life, but in the end, she lost. She realized that she as herself could do no good in the world, not for the animals, not for her loved ones, not for love, so what was the point of it all? So she started her suicide campaign to get her sisters/mothers shoes back even at the cost of an innocents life, when the whole time she was supposed to be fighting for innocents. I believe she would have driven herself to her actual death if not for fiyeros note.
His survival was the only thing she had left to cling to. Because even with all the love and forgiveness she espoused and truly believed, whatever glinda did by then would never have been enough. Their relationship had been through too much. And that’s the tragedy of it all, isn’t it?
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