#everyone should watch all the interviews from that day they are so incredibly telling

[hoovesandfloorpaws]

never forget this iconic 2012 interview

the fact that Harry just flat out SAID that i'm-- (also the subtitles are fucking adorable, shoutout to Larry Stylinson Moments on YT)

i cry thinking about the fact that just 2 days prior to this interview Louis had already given Harry a Promise Ring

[norrisainz33]

Best in Show || CS55 & CL16

☆ summary: charles’ sister is headed to the olympics and she’s ready to bring things to the next level with her fwb carlos

☆ pairing: carlos sainz & olympic!leclerc!reader

☆ f/c & warnings: none; slightly suggestive & terribly translated french

☆ requested: yes!! thanks for your request 🤍

ﾟ. ✿ ୨❤︎୧⠀✿ . ﾟ

scuderiaferrari has posted a video

view all replies

user3: i don’t understand how all of the leclerc’s are so perfect and talented

user1: the leclerc brothers are so 🤤

user2: princess of monaco about to eat up the competition at the olympics

user8: wait that’s insane only 6 athletes? the uk sent 327… y/n must be really good

user2: she is!! she’s been to the show jumping world cup AND she won the jumping international in monte carlo (both huge accomplishments especially at her age)

user4: their genes are strong and full of sporting talent huh

user24: they should’ve gotten carlos in on this interview. he loves talking about y/n

user18: no fr he very clearly has a crush on her

ynleclerc has made a post

liked by charlesleclerc, scuderiaferrari, visitmonaco, carlossainz55, oscarpiastri, and 879,001 others

ynleclerc: did someone say ,, olympics? get ready to watch your favorite duo (me and [horse’s name]) take on paris 😉

view all 876 comments

user6: HI Y/N (louder than everyone else)

user7: she’s so unserious i love her

charlesleclerc: and why did you have to post the last photo

ynleclerc: because i love it frère [brother]

arthurleclerc: why didn’t i make the olympics announcement post

ynleclerc: bc you refused to put on the glasses bebe

user11: the royal family of monaco is so beautiful

juliaanalvarez: looking forward to seeing you in paris

ynleclerc: you better cheer me on julián

user88: ik carlos is shaking in his boots. he’s got competition it seems

user99: no y/n anyone but a soccer player

carlossainz55: congratulations on making it to the olympics y/n 😍

ynleclerc: thanks carly 🤭

user22: CARLY DNSKSJF

user18: i ship y/n and carlos so hard

use r23: day 124 of wondering why they aren’t together

ynleclerc has made a post

liked by alexandrasaintmleux, charlesleclerc, yourbff, landonorris, francisca.cgomes, and 534,230 others

ynleclerc: don’t worry everyone - the party has arrived in paris and we already made it through the first round 🇲🇨

view all 546 comments

user12: oh thank goodness (i wasn’t worried)! congratulations on an incredible first round

user13: what do i have to do to be that horse

landonorris: when are you gonna let me take a ride on ya?

charlesleclerc: mate that’s my sister

landonorris: i was talking abt the horse

ynleclerc: i hate you landonorris

landonorris: no you don’t ma cherry

ynleclerc: CHÉRIE

landonorris: 😘😘

user29: lando is so real for this

user24: impatiently waiting for carlos to get here

alexandrasaintmleux: the prettiest girl in all of paris. i am so proud of you 🤍

ynleclerc: please get your beautiful self here quicker 😫

carlossainz55: paris is looking real good these days 😍

ynleclerc: you should come find out just how good it looks 😏

user23: whoa get a room

arthurleclerc: please stop flirting

texts between you and carlos

ynleclerc has added to their story

view all story replies

user77: my god you’re gorgeous

user99: now who … sent you those flowers ms y/n? was it charles? was it julian? was it carlos? i won’t spill the beans if u tell me i promise

user34: i’m rooting for you y/n!! you and [horses name] are going to crush it

landonorris: i know i didn’t send you flowers… so who did?

ynleclerc: wait… you didn’t send these?

landonorris: y/n/n don’t play with me. was it him?

ynleclerc: yes 🤭

landonorris: I KNEW IT. so you guys together or?

landonorris: DONT LEAVE ME ON READ TF

charlesleclerc: y/n/n - i only sent you the white ones… who are the others from?

ynleclerc: my adoring fans!

charlesleclerc: arrête! [stop it] we both know that is not the case

charlesleclerc: just tell me who they are from. i’ll be cool about it

ynleclerc: no you won’t charlie 🤍

arthurleclerc: charles sent me - tell me who those are from

ynleclerc: no! hope that helps bebe 😘

arthurleclerc: are they from a certain spanish driver or an argentinian footballer?

alexandrasaintmleux: your brothers are insufferable sometimes…. but don’t worry i didn’t tell them who sent those gorgeous flowers 😍🤭

ynleclerc: my girl 😘

user87: wagering a bet that those flowers are from carlos

ynleclerc has made a post

liked by carlossainz55, scuderiaferrari, landonorris, danielricciardo, yourbff, and 876,456 others

ynleclerc: obviously not the result i was hoping for. we tapped the last bar on the last jump as we were about to set the fastest time. i’m gutted but at the same time i am immensely proud of everything [horse’s name] and i have accomplished. we are bringing home monaco’s only medal from the entire olympic games and for that i am elated. i think i prefer silver anyway 🥈🤍

view all 789 comments

user67: being the reason monaco is getting a medal is still an insane serve

user87: my favorite horse girl

landonorris: a medal is a medal - proud of you punk

ynleclerc: thank you bobby

juliaanalvarez: congratulations on a hard won medal!

ynleclerc: merci julian! glad we got to catch up 🤍

user57: back!! back i said 🤺

carlossainz55: y/n/n you gave it everything you had out there and you have so much to be proud of. i am in awe of you

ynleclerc: carlos 🥹

user55: this is so sweet i’m gonna throw up

user23: day 145 of wondering why they aren’t together

arthurleclerc: good job or whatever sis

ynleclerc: thanks loser

carmenmundt: you are an absolute inspiration! congratulations on following your dreams and making them come true 🤍

ynleclerc: i love you so much carmen

charlesleclerc has made a post

liked by ynleclerc, carlossainz55, pierregasly, scuderiaferrari, visitmonaco, landonorris and 987,654 others

charlesleclerc: we made it to paris in time to see y/n in the final event. ma petite sœur je suis si fière de toi. je suis pour toujours et à jamais ton plus grand soutien. [my little sister, i am so proud of you. i am forever and always your biggest supporter]

view all 999 comments

scuderiaferrari: congrats y/n on a hard fought silver! we are so proud of you

user16: wake up ! hottest photo dump of the summer just dropped 😭😫😍

user37: wow arthur is eating charles up in the 4th slide

ynleclerc: merci charlie. je t'aime jusqu'à la lune et retour. merci d'être là [thank you charlie. I love you to the moon and back. thank you for being there]

charlesleclerc: je t'aime y/n/n. i wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere else.

ynleclerc: btw who even invited pierre?

pierregasly: why can’t i turn up and support my favorite leclerc?

ynleclerc: i’m your favorite?

pierregasly: no , not even close

francisca.cgomes: i’m sorry y/n! he simply insisted upon tagging along 🙄

ynleclerc: i’ll let it slide because i got to see you my love 😍

user34: so special that they were all able to make it to paris

alexandrasaintmleux: my favorite girl in the whole world is an olympic medalist! monaco and all of us are so proud 🤍

ynleclerc: don’t make me cry 🥹

user76: monegasque royal family is my roman empire

ynlecerc has posted to their story

view all story replies

user55: I KNOW THATS MY MAN CARLOS

user87: you ain’t slick id recognize that hand and arm anywhere. that is mr carlos sainz jr

francisca.cgomes: your brother resorted to calling me to see if i knew who was in this post 🙄

ynleclerc: of course he did…. he’ll find out soon enough 🤭

charlesleclerc: anything you want to tell me? looks a lot like a teammate of mine

ynleclerc: nothing i want to tell you charlie :)

carlossainz55: had a wonderful evening with you mi amor. let’s do it again.. and again and again and again.

ynleclerc: i had an amazing time. i’m already looking forward to our next date!! you may as well just come back to my flat now idk why you even left in the first place

carlossainz55: didn’t want to come across too clingy

ynleclerc: good thing i like clingy! get back here 😏

carlossainz55: yes ma’am

user27: begging to know how much charles and arthur are stressing over this story

ynleclerc has made a post

liked by scuderiaferrari, yourbff, carlossainz55, carmenmundt, landonorris, visitmonaco, and 789,465 others

ynleclerc: yes, you all guessed it! he’s mine 😘

view all 899 comments

user13: someone check on the user who has been counting the days since they started flirting

user23: i’ve been summoned!! all i can say is thank god

landonorris: it’s about time

arthurleclerc: i called it

user99: old money carlos is perfect for our equestrian goddess

charlesleclerc: so this is how i find out?

ynleclerc: you did say you were one of my fans so… yes?

charlesleclerc: you are on my last nerve

carmenmundt: adorable 😍

carlossainz55: my gorgeous girl 😘

ynleclerc: my man my man my man

francisca.cgomes: time for a double date 🤍

pierregasly: charles says i’m not allowed

ynleclerc: who said you were invited pierre?

user47: vibes in the ferrari garage in zandvoort are gonna be wild

user98: carlosy/n truthers our time has come

ﾟ. ✿ ୨❤︎୧⠀✿ . ﾟ

a/n: another installment of olympic reader wahooo! slowly but surely making my way through my requests. liked and reblogs are always appreciated

ﾟ. ✿ ୨❤︎୧⠀✿ . ﾟ

© norrisainz33 || please do not rewrite, translate, or copy any of my works posted here on to any other platform

[fuckyeahgoodomens]

Michael Ralph, the Good Omens Production Designer, interview for Movieweb :), summer 2023

Question: What is your reaction to your fan's positivity?

Michael Ralph: It's unbelievable. To see your work reflected in the eyes of people that love it is incredibly complimentary and it feels on, you know, you're honoured by having that response .It's rare that you get to experience it. You know, I think that we were involved recently in a fans' view of the set where all the fans who'd been involved in a competition were able to walk around the set. It's extraordinary. And I got hugs and people in tears. And it is an overwhelming experience to stand in that street and be in that bookshop when you didn't think, even though you knew, but you didn't quite know it really existed as a place that you could walk around in is quite phenomenal.

Question: Do you see locations as extensions of characters?

Michael Ralph: My feeling is that we would all, if possible, choose to live where we believe and within an environment that we believe suits us, doesn't suit anyone else. It's a fingerprint thing. It's like, where are you most comfortable? Where are you most comfortable to read or to write or to watch a programme or where do you feel the most secure?That bookshop is an anchor point visually for the show and always has been an anchor point since day one. And it is where you feel most secure. It's where the door closed, you feel safe within it. And what emanates or resonates with that bookshop, not only from the character and the position or who Aziraphale is, is that everybody that walks into that bookshop feels the same thing. Everyone that walks in that bookshop, I've said it before, just want to live upstairs and drink red wine and read books all day and they feel comfortable and they feel nostalgic and it creates a sense of security and protection. And I think that if you can create that sort of sentimentality in something that you're walking around in, it must transcend the lens. And it obviously does because people feel it all the time and they want to go there and sit around in the corner and feel comfortable. So I think that from character point of view, I started really emotionally from Aziraphale. And Neil, whenever I've thought of a great idea that I tell Neil about and he tells me how amazing it might be or how fantastic or inspired it was, I suddenly start to realise it's probably in the book or it's probably in the script between the lines. What stimulates my apophenia, what stimulates my vision and my emotional motivation to design anything is what I can see in the page. So if he has written something so universally empathetic to an audience, then I'm seeing the same thing you are, in my variation, but it really is the same warp or the same sentimentality as I said, or any of those things. So if I can find how to get my fingernails under the edge of that, how I can actually depict it, then I know that it's going to work. And that's obviously... and you can believe in it then, and you can say it with all honesty, rather than impersonate your love for something or say something because your ego tells you you should, or produce something that's a duplicate of something you saw once in Italy. This is something you've got to feel that's specific to the project and specific to the written word, you know.

Question: Do you have the freedom to do what you want?

Michael Ralph: I must admit, reading the book the first time, it was difficult to get my head around how it was going to be depicted. You've got to be very careful that you don't impersonate what you've seen before, you don't copy and then call it original when it's not, because that's sort of like a cop out. You really, honestly have to live with it 24 hours a day, even while you're asleep, and search and search and search and search to find what it is that gets your fingernails under it, to find out what it is you really believe in. And it sounds so ethereal, but it's absolutely true. If you can get that, if you can openly find that, and you've got to feel that, if you can get that, then you're absolutely on something you can invest in and then something you can produce. Because then it's not something that's duplicated. All the furniture, literally all the furniture, all of the dressing on the walls, all of the bookshelves are all built but Bronwyn, a set decorator, will buy me a lot of brown furniture that she finds as really interesting furniture. Furniture that's got spindles and handcarved pieces and reliefs in it. And she gets me stuff that she believes goes with the character of the place. And then I'll break it open. This is what construction. I love working with construction with, because I'll break it open, cut it down, reattach it, and I'll remake wholewalls and bookshelves, like in the magic shop that none of it existed until we put together loads of stuff the set decorator found, that Bronwyn found. And then all that stuff ends up having a profile of the period, or echoes to you, little visual trip hazards of the period, of size and weight. But it isn't really anything you've ever seen before. It's not from a higher shop. It's not from a piece of furniture you bought, just plunk there. Because the camera sees things differently. And we have to lift all that up and make it bigger and larger in scale to punctuate the vision. So all of that is... there's all sorts of theories, I could go on forever, you know. I was saying to Bronwyn today that I think I've been working all my life on trying to raise my intellect, to be able to incorporate a vocabulary to explain what it is I do creatively. I'm not there yet.

Question: Is there something you'd like to explore in the future?

Michael Ralph: And it's funny you should say that, because that process, from what I've explained to you, doesn't originate with me. So you need to get that book or that source material, and someone has to say, you're the guide for this, I'd love to see what you see. And then it's like this massive submerge, you submerge into it. And then it's a journey, a journey that you embrace and it reveals things that I could guess maybe 15-20 things I'd like to do on Season Three, but it's not scripted. So what is that? You know, I've got imaginary things that I will adopt because I know that they've got weight or purpose that will work for Season Three. But I need to see what Neil shows me, you know, what Neil teaches and tells me, and then once I've seen that, I can run with it. He's such a wonderful appreciator of what you achieve. He's never questioned anything I've done, ever. And it's been hundreds of things, hundreds of sets and ideas. And no matter how crazy what it is, I might end up drawing the craziest things first. But he still loves them, you know. And it feels like it probably was there already between the lines. And all I've done is pick up on it. You got to really get into it to mime what it is that affects you and what moves you. What it is you love about something. You can watch a show and read a book and not love it. You don't know why you didn't love it, it's unequatable, but you just didn't connect. But what we're trying to do with everything we do cinematically is to connect, is to somehow get through the equation. So you feel it. And I got a feeling that's why Good Omens works so well. Because of the amount of love and emotion that people put into it and amount of faith people have in what they're doing, because it's only done out of joy and it's only done for the goodness of that wonderful story that is developed and matured, within it, between the characters. And because of that, you can do nothing but sprinkle magic on it all the time.

[hamiltonaf]

Oh my god I’m so excited to see your requests are open I wanted to request something for the lovely Daniel ricciardo being more handsy with reader while on the paddock and him getting interviewed about it later since the fans have been posting pictures of their intimate moments and him kind of joking in a “how could I not?” Type of way? Thank you

PDA | Daniel Ricciardo

Pairing: Daniel Ricciardo x Female Reader

Word Count: 907

Warnings: None

A/N: Hello loves ! Firstly, apologies for the delay in writing requests as I had a lot going on. If you’ve sent in a request, I’m working on it, just bear with me :) Hope you babes enjoy. Thanks anon for requesting .xx

The Monza GP was a special race weekend for Daniel, besides his home race. With his Italian roots, it’s his second home so indirectly another home race.

This special race weekend had inspired him I guess you could say for our relationship to be full on public. For the many months we’ve been together, I’ve made my few appearances in the paddock and sometimes alongside Daniel but rarely. I quite enjoy our relationship being private, but I guess if he’s happier with us being public then so be it.

Besides the rare ‘papped’ pictures of us together - which left some people to question on numerous occasions if we’re still together - we don’t even have posts of each other on our socials. It’s always the private but not secret kind of story posts…I guess that all ends now.

I only managed to arrive in Monza on race day, no pressure. Note the sarcasm. As soon as we jumped out of the car, I suddenly felt sick at the thought of all eyes on us.

Daniel noticed I zoned out, he then snapped his fingers in front of me, “Babe are you okay ?” He asked concerned. “Yeah I’m okay” I forced a smile. He grabbed a hold of my hand and I guess he noticed the clamminess. “Are you sure you’re okay ?” He furrowed his brows. “You look nervous” he added. “I’m not gonna lie…I am” I admitted with a sigh.

“Nervous about what love ?” He asked concerned. “I’m not used to attention in public” I said as I looked everywhere but him. He then grabbed a hold of my face to look at him, “Just relax. I’m with you every step of the way… I just want to show you off to the world without hiding it anymore. I want to love you publicly and not hide it anymore - not gonna lie, it’s also kind of getting hard for me to resist touching you” he smirked.

After laughing along with him, it helped a lot with easing my nerves. Thank god for sunglasses as well. As long as I had them on, the nerves didn’t exist. We walked in the paddock hand in hand, nothing major.

Up until it was time for Daniel to leave the garage, he surprised me by engulfing me in a hug and leaving a kiss on my cheek. “Good luck babe and be safe” I said softly to him before he left. I failed to realise that being a new wag means being watched at all times.

I don’t know what had gotten over me, a boost of confidence and a moment of being proud for Daniel’s great race finish had me returning the favour of engulfing Daniel in a hug and leaving a kiss on his cheek. He then lifted me up and spun me around. In that moment it felt like we were the only ones in that garage and everyone else was muted.

Before we knew it, he had to quickly leave to attend to post-race interviews. I waited patiently in his drivers room and decided to waste some time on my socials. As I was scrolling, a video was already uploaded of one of Daniel’s interviews. Out of curiosity I decided to play it.

���So Daniel, incredible result in the Alpha Tauri today ! Brilliant drive, where did that come from or perhaps should I say who helped with that ?” Natalie teased. He immediately started blushing and looked away, it was so cute to watch. “Welllll” he trailed. “Oh come on, tell us how (Y/N) motivated you today. You guys make a lovely couple and I have to ask since everyone can’t stop talking about how cute you both are, you can’t seem to leave her can you ?” Natalie joked.

“How can I not, have you guys seen her ? She just makes me so happy and she’s one of my biggest cheerleaders. I’m a really lucky guy and I just wanted her to be apart of my special weekend. Today’s result was all so I could see that reaction from her” he smiled proudly. “You mean this one ?” Natalie asked as she then showed him the array of pictures that were taken of us today. “Paddock favourite already. Well, thank you for your time and hopefully we’ll see you both at the next race weekend. Cheers !” Natalie said lastly. “Of course ! Cheers guys” Daniel said lastly before the interview ended. “Handsome guy” he said from behind me.

“Oh my god ! Dan you scared me” I said as I placed a hand on my chest. “Sorry love, let’s get going” he said as he held his hand out for me to hold. With our fingers entwined, we walked through the paddock to the car. Fans and photographers around had taken pictures, I didn’t mind since I was comfortable at this point.

Once we got into the car, I broke the silence “You really did a hard launch today” I smiled. “That wasn’t a hard launch for me” he pouted. “What was missing ?” I furrowed my brows. “This” he said as he cupped my cheeks and pulled me in for a sweet kiss. So much for thinking we were alone, I quickly broke away when I heard screaming from fangirls. “Well, that really was a hard launch” I said as I felt the heat flush my cheeks.

[vroom--vrooming]

Fernando Alonso x driver!Reader

Platonic. Mentor-mentee. Reader drives for McLaren

Your journey to Formula 1 was nothing short of a dream. As a kid, you had posters of Fernando Alonso on your wall, watched his every race, studied his every move. He was your hero, the driver who could make even the toughest battles on track look like art. Years later, that same hero had become your mentor, guiding you through the ups and downs of your journey in F2 and beyond.

You remember when he first noticed you, back in your F2 days. You’d just finished a race, pulling a stunning overtake in the last lap to clinch a podium. As you climbed out of your car, sweaty and exhausted, someone tapped you on the shoulder. You turned, and there he was—Fernando Alonso, congratulating you with that knowing smile. “You remind me of myself,” he’d said, and from that moment on, everything changed.

Fernando took you under his wing, giving you tips, advice, and encouragement. He was tough, but he was always fair. “Learn to protect your tires,” he’d tell you, “and don’t give up an inch if you don’t have to.” With him guiding you, you pushed harder, improved faster. Even after you made it to Formula 1, with McLaren, he was always there, just a message or a call away, ready to offer advice before every race.

Everyone knew Fernando was your mentor, and he made it clear he was proud of you. In interviews, he’d praise your progress, your determination, and whenever you crossed paths in the paddock, he’d make sure to check in. His support meant the world to you, and it kept you grounded, knowing that the man you’d looked up to all these years believed in you.

Now, driving for McLaren with Lando Norris as your teammate, you’d had an incredible season so far, and the dream of your first win felt so close. But last race, that dream had been shattered. You were leading, just a few laps away from victory, when the radio crackled with a team order that sent a chill through you.

“Let Lando through,” they’d said. “It’s for the championship.”

Your heart had sunk. You were faster, you knew it, but McLaren wanted you to move aside, to help Lando secure points. You didn’t argue, though every fiber of you had wanted to fight. Following the order, you watched as Lando overtook, stealing away the win that should have been yours.

After the race, the frustration boiled inside you. All the hard work, the sacrifices—it felt like it had been taken away in an instant. Away from the cameras, you found a quiet corner in the paddock, trying to calm yourself, but nothing helped.

That’s when you saw Fernando. He approached quietly, and from the look on his face, you knew he understood exactly how you felt. “It’s hard, isn’t it?” he asked, his voice calm. “Letting go of something that should have been yours.”

You nodded, struggling to keep your emotions in check. “It just feels… unfair. I had the win, Fernando. I could have done it.”

He placed a hand on your shoulder, his gaze steady and reassuring. “I know. And so do you. Listen, this is part of racing. Sometimes, teams will make decisions that go against everything we feel. But here’s what I want you to remember.” His voice softened, but there was a strength in his words. “Next time, don’t let anyone hold you back. Do what you do best. Race, as fast as you can. If Lando can’t beat you on his own, then he’s not ready to be champion yet.”

You felt a spark of determination reignite inside you, the frustration giving way to a quiet resolve. Fernando’s words had always had a way of grounding you, of reminding you why you loved this sport in the first place. His confidence in you was something you couldn’t shake.

With renewed focus, you entered the next race with one thing on your mind: to race without holding back. From the start, you pushed your McLaren to its limits, the car responding beautifully as you took each corner, each straight with the precision Fernando had drilled into you over the years. Every lap, you felt stronger, more in control, the distance between you and the others growing.

Then, the team radio came alive. “We need you to let Lando pass.”

This time, you didn’t hesitate. “If he’s fast enough,” you replied, your voice steady, “he can try to catch me.”

The minutes ticked by, and Lando tried—he pushed hard, but he couldn’t close the gap. You held your line, focused on nothing but the track ahead, feeling that familiar rush of adrenaline and pride with every lap. You were racing for yourself, for the win you deserved, and nothing was going to stop you this time.

The checkered flag waved, and you crossed the line in first place. Your first win in Formula 1. The realization hit you all at once, an overwhelming mix of joy, relief, and disbelief. You’d done it. You’d won.

As you climbed out of the car, the cheers from the crowd washed over you, and you felt the weight of every challenge, every sacrifice, lift from your shoulders. The team gathered around, clapping and congratulating you, but one face stood out in the crowd—Fernando.

He made his way over, his smile wide, his eyes filled with pride. Without a word, he pulled you into a hug, and for a moment, the noise and excitement faded away.

“I knew you could do it,” he said quietly, his voice warm and full of pride. “This win was all yours.”

You smiled up at him, feeling a warmth spread through you that had nothing to do with the victory celebration. “Thank you, Fernando. For everything.”

He nodded, his hand still on your shoulder. “This is just the beginning. Keep racing like that, and no one will be able to stop you.”

As you stood there beside the man who’d guided you every step of the way, you knew he was right. This was only the start of what you could achieve.

[artemis32]

Transilience II

Yandere Todoroki family x reader

Eventually huh?? this took forever but are any of us actually surprised :))

I’m not really all that happy with this but oh well, enjoy

word count - 11.3k

****

tw: mentions of past child neglect, panic attacks, abuse, stalking, kidnapping, the whole family is literally their own tw (they’re horrible but i love them)

****

part I

bnha masterlist

****

****

A part of you, however miniscule, wished you’d remained unconscious - for another month at least.

That would be better than having to sit through what must have been the hundredth police interview you’d had since waking up. They were never-ending - as soon as the doctors had cleared you and allowed more than two visitors at a time, they’d been flowing through the door as if drawn to you.

You supposed that it was necessary, you just wished that they would stop asking you the same three questions.

Did you see anything strange before you were taken? Yes, a bright light.

Do you remember their faces? No, I was unconscious.

How did you develop a quirk? 

That last question annoyed you the most. How were you supposed to know how you magically developed a quirk? Honestly, it was ridiculous - they asked you a question, you answered truthfully, but they wouldn’t leave you alone.

Regardless, you were looking forward to being released. Not that you were overly eager to return home, especially since you were unsure of what awaited you. You just wanted to be back in a more familiar environment - one that didn’t have people flowing in and out as they pleased.

Though now that you had a quirk, there had been mentions of keeping you under surveillance for a while longer. While you understood their concerns, you were already irritable enough from having people in your space at all hours of the day. Any longer and you might well lose your mind.

Ironically enough, that was what everyone had been trying to avoid.

Having a quirk was incredible, but having developed it so late in your life, you had less control over it than a child would, especially since it wasn’t exactly natural - or at least that’s what the doctors had been telling you.

Besides mentioning that you should be kept under surveillance, there had been no mention of exactly who would be watching you. 

You didn’t want to know, but you were sure that they wouldn’t grant you the kindness of ignorance.

****

Returning home wasn’t as exciting as you’d thought it would be.

It wasn’t as if you were expecting a welcoming party. You weren’t even expecting anyone to be home. But you thought something might have changed. Any change, even a negative one, would have been better than everything remaining exactly the same.

You dumped your bag on the floor as soon as you stepped into your bedroom, nudging the door closed with your foot. 

Everything looked the same. Not one item was out of place.

Your bed was still neatly made, windows cracked open slightly, books stacked high on your desk. Even the jacket you’d tossed onto your bed before leaving was laying in the exact same place.

Shoulders slumped, you made your way to your bed and sat down heavily. 

While your family may not have treated you well, at least they hadn’t shoved you into some small cupboard. Even if he hadn’t treated you well, your bedroom and belongings were the only things you felt as though you owed your father for - a kindness he probably didn’t owe you.

Then again, it wasn’t as if he’d even notice if you purchased something. His overflowing mountain of money would be difficult to dent, even if you went on an unrestricted spree with his card.

You flopped down on your back, staring up at the ceiling. 

The walls were a neutral light grey, nothing overly colourful or special. 

Just like you.

You flinched at your own thoughts.

The only thing that gave your room any personality was the glow in the dark stars stuck to your ceiling.

Years prior, Fuyumi had offered to redecorate your room. You had a feeling that it wasn’t out of the kindness of her heart.

You’d felt panicked and hurriedly told her no. She’d given you a strange look, one that you had ignored at the time.

No matter what changed throughout the years, your room was one thing you’d fight to keep the same.

****

Touya had spent a lot of time with you before he died.

Personally, you’d always thought that you were his favourite sibling. Not that you ever had the chance to ask.

He would spend his entire evening with you, everyday like clockwork.

At dinner, he’d sit to your right, between you and your mother. Shoto would sit to your left, next to your father.

He would talk to you, ask about your day, about what you’d done at school.

The fact that you were four and your stories hardly varied day-to-day never bothered him. He’d listen to your rambling words with rapt attention, gaze never straying from your own.

Touya took over your nightly routine when Rei began slipping. He kept you away from her when he saw the subtle hatred she had for you.

After dinner, he’d make sure you bathed, dressed, and brushed your teeth. He would occasionally read to you too, but often he’d just sit with you until you fell asleep, softly petting your hair.

One day, he decided that your ceiling was far too boring, and he surprised you with a pack of glow in the dark stars, as well as some themed stickers and a large bag of candy.

They were cheap, and for anyone else they may not have meant much, but for you, especially in the years following those, it meant the world.

You had many of his personal items from before he died too, not willing to part with them.

After a few years had passed, they’d been shoved to the back of your closet. While you wanted to hold on to a piece of him, it became difficult. Thinking about the fact that you’d lost the only person in your life that could tolerate you wasn’t a pleasant thought.

Regardless, the stars stayed. The stickers peeled away as the paint flaked, and his belongings were stowed away, but the stars remained.

****

After staring up at the ceiling became more of a chore than a bored pastime, you sat up and looked around your room.

It had been nearly three hours since you’d gotten back, and still, no one was home. 

Usually, you’d stay in your room or leave the house, but after everything that had happened, you were apprehensive of straying too far away from the safety of your house. It may not have been the most welcoming, but it was better than whatever lay beyond the front door.

You didn’t want to test your luck anymore than you already had.

Staying in your room wasn’t high on your list of priorities either. 

Well, I am kind of hungry, and no one else is home... Might as well raid the kitchen while I have the chance.

The sound of your footsteps is muffled by your slippers, the dull thuds filling up the empty hallways as you make your way to the kitchen.

You take your time searching through the pantry and fridge, in no hurry to scamper back to the confines of your bedroom. Your parents may have been kind enough to give you a decent sized room, but they were sure to shove you into the furthest, loneliest area of the house.

Perhaps that hadn’t been their intention originally - your room was right next to what used to be Touya’s bedroom. Of course, after he passed, your small bubble of safety grew to become incredibly isolated. Your father had his own wing of the house, even more solitary than your own with only Shoto nearby for company - not that your brother wanted to spend more time with him than what was required - and Fuyumi and Natsuo had their own comfortable wing of the house.

So you took your time in the common area, sitting cross legged on the floor as you peered around the bottom shelves of the large pantry.

Twenty minutes later, you decided on a large bowl of fruit. Just as you were contemplating whether or not to eat it in the kitchen or return to your room, someone let out a noise behind you. You turned, shoulders tensed, and-

“Shoto.”

Your twin brother, older by no more than ten minutes, looks almost shocked to see you, his brows lifted slightly, covered by his dual coloured fringe.

He says nothing, still silently staring at you. 

His presence makes you uncomfortable. He was little more than a stranger to you at this point - you hadn’t held a conversation with him for longer than five minutes in years, especially when he seemed to stare you down silently for minutes every time you tried to talk to him.

“I was just looking for something to eat. The food in the hospital isn’t great and I’m hungry, so…”

You're not sure why you feel the need to justify your presence to him, but something about the way he’s staring at you compels you to speak even if you have nothing to say.

The silence between the two of you becomes almost unbearable, and you're about to say something, anything to fill the oppressive silence, but the two of you are interrupted.

Your father walks in, seemingly preoccupied with his thoughts. Though he seems distracted, he notices the two of you almost immediately. The atmosphere instantly shifts. It had been awkward before, but now, it was ten times worse.

“Ah, Shoto…” he trails off awkwardly, barely acknowledging you.

He seems uncomfortable, unwilling to meet your eyes, keeping his gaze trained on the floor.

A part of you wants to feel satisfied with his reaction, his seemingly ashamed attitude. But all you feel is an overwhelming sense of anger, of injustice.

After everything that’s happened, he still won’t even look me in the eye. Pathetic.

Just as Shoto opens his mouth to speak, just as you prepare to excuse yourself, the three of you are interrupted, Fuyumi walking in with her head down, going through her bag in search of something.

“Dad, have you seen my keys, I could have sworn they were just in my bag…”

She doesn’t take note of the uncomfortable tension until she looks up, her sentence dying out halfway through.

“Oh.”

Her arms drop down to her sides as the four of you stand silently, each person too lost in their own discomfort to say anything.

Fuyumi is the first to break the silence, and she shocks you by addressing you directly.

“I, um, I’m making dinner tonight, if you’re feeling up to it, I hope you’ll join us. Natsuo and Shoto are both home too, so everyone will be there.”

You aren't sure what to say, so you just nod, still staring at your father. 

He’s the first to leave, walking out without a word. You leave next, abandoning your snack on the counter in favour of returning to your room. Your hunger had long since disappeared, replaced instead by a sick feeling at the bottom of your stomach.

****

Your quirk wasn’t anything particularly exciting - not that you would ever complain. 

A mundane, somewhat common quirk was better than nothing, you knew that better than anyone.

Nevertheless, you knew that your quirk was relatively average, and genetically speaking, it made sense. Considering the fact that your father was a pyrokinetic and your mother was a cryokinetic, it felt as though you were the middle ground between the two. 

Your quirk was the most simplified version of theirs that could be found.

Telekinesis wasn’t an awful quirk by any stretch, and the doctors, after several rounds of tests, had reassured you of that. They had told you that currently, you were at the level of a child, a five-year-old who had just received their quirk.

With time, you would gain better control over your abilities, pushing the boundaries and perhaps you could even surpass your father in terms of control.

The doctor who had dealt with you the most often - Dr Takahashi, or Kosuke as he insisted - was someone who specialised in unusual quirk development. He seemed delighted when he first met you, his eyes sparkling with a childlike wonder you hadn’t seen in many years. If you didn’t know any better, you might have thought that he was more excited about your sudden quirk development than you were.

He conducted many tests and told you many things, each more anxiety inducing than the last. He made it clear that his goal consisted of two things. 

First, to make sure that you could properly handle your quirk. No one wanted you to accidentally injure someone else or yourself because your emotions ran wild and you lost control.

Secondly, he wanted to learn as much about your sudden and impossible development of a quirk as he could. He told you that he had high hopes for the development of your quirk, that he was eager to see exactly how versatile it could be. He hoped, with enough time and control, you’d be able to manipulate and influence things on a molecular level. 

You were just content to have a quirk, to be normal. You didn’t care much for becoming someone’s science experiment.

He’d been transparent about his motives from the very first day you’d met him, and that meant that you trusted him far more than you trusted any of the other doctors who claimed they wanted to help you. You knew they all held a morbid curiosity towards you and your abilities, but at least Kosuke was honest about it.

You knew better than to trust them.

****

The atmosphere was tense and oppressive. You shift in your seat slightly, eyes trained on the tabletop, as if it would crack open and suck you in at any moment. You wished it would.

Fuyumi clears her throat, leaning forward slightly. 

“How’s the food? Natsuo told me all of your favourites, I tried to make them as accurate as I could. I’m not sure how you usually like it...”

She trailed off. 

It didn’t seem possible, but somehow, her comment had made dinner even more awkward.

And you were about to make it worse. Much worse.

After a moment of silence, you spoke quietly, still staring down at the tabletop.

“The doctors said that it would be best if I remained under observation for a while, I’m sure you’re all aware of that.”

There’s a pause, almost questioning, but you don’t wait for anyone to speak.

“They recommended - or rather, they were advised - that I stay with... professionals.”

Your family seems to be holding their breath, even your father is completely focused on your words. You don’t want to disrupt the calm that has settled over your home. 

It may have been tense and awkward, but it was better than having to walk on eggshells around your own home. But regardless of what you wanted, this was something that had to be said - there was just no avoiding it.

“They advised that I be sent to UA. The principal, Mr Nezu, has asked for me to be placed under his watch for the next few months at least. Well, not under him specifically - rather, with All Might.”

The air became uncomfortably warm, not that it affected anyone but you.

Fuyumi and Natsuo both had ice quirks, and Shoto was perfectly capable of regulating his own body temperature. None of them felt the scorching heat emanating from where your father sat at the head of the table.

You lean back in your seat, try to escape the waves of scalding air now filling the room.

“Absolutely not.”

Remaining silent seems to backfire, fueling your father’s anger.

He slams his hand down onto the tabletop, cutlery and crockery rattling from the force. You’re sure the table is cracked.

“You will not be going. Not only are you unstable, unable to control your... quirk, you’re also my child, and I won’t have that spectacle of a hero watching over you.”

The word hero is spat with such venom that you’re sure it’ll burn through the tabletop, much like his hand, steaming and smouldering as it sinks into the expensive wood as if it’s nothing more than butter.

A small part of you thinks that you should be offended by his words, by the fact that he seems to view you more as property than a living, breathing human being. You are offended.

But you’re more concerned with his not-so-subtle jab at your quirk.

Maybe you should bite your tongue, accept his words and look for another solution. You should at least try and keep the peace. You should, you know you should.

But you don’t.

“I know my quirk is unstable, that’s why I need to be with people that actually know how to help me control it. I’m not going to this school to have fun, I’m going there because I don’t have a choice.” 

Your voice remains steady and even, but you can tell that it burns, much like Endeavour's flames. 

Ironically, that’s probably as close as you’d ever get to having any similarities to your father.

Your siblings still remain silent, watching as your father’s anger unfolds before them.

He stands, towering over you, trying to intimidate you. 

It works. No matter how much you may have changed, physically or mentally, you were still scared of your father. But this was something you couldn’t back down on.

“You will not be going. That is final.”

Years of being treated as a pariah in your home has taught you a lot, namely how to control your emotions in difficult times. But no matter how much control you display outwardly, your newfound quirk betrays your mental state.

“Like I’ve already said, neither of us really have a choice. I’m going, whether you like it or not.” 

Fuyumi finally speaks up, trying to diffuse the situation.

“Calm down, calm down, you’re making everything fly around.”

True to her words, the cutlery and crockery are floating around the room, spinning rapidly around your heads. 

You take a deep breath and everything falls, landing with a crash back on to the table. 

Without waiting for permission, you stand up from your seat and leave, escaping to your room.

You had a lot of packing to do.

****

You decided that packing would have to wait until things calmed down, not wanting to incite another argument with your father. Rather, you settled for laying in bed, arms straight by your sides as you lay on your back.

Sleep had eluded you for the past few hours, but you couldn’t bring yourself to sit up or leave your room. So you lay there in silence, trying not to think about anything specific, instead letting your mind stagnate.

What would mom say if she was here now?

No, not mom - Touya, what would he say?

Your mind is a mess, and you try in vain to sort through the jumbled pieces. 

Putting on a tough face was easy enough when the people around you didn’t care about making sure that you were okay, and usually you’d be able to sort through your problems and inner turmoil on your own.

Really, nothing has changed, so you should be able to think straight. But you can’t. 

For some reason, one you’re blind to, you feel overwhelmed, and your breathing turns laboured.

You lay there in the dark, the sound of your panicked gasps filling the room, hot tears rolling down your temples.

It had been a while since you’d last felt this way, felt so helpless and agitated. You roll onto your side, curling into a tight ball, arms and legs tucked tightly into your stomach.

Scrunching your eyes closed, you try to take a deep breath, and it shudders through you, shaking your crumpled frame.

The past few days had engulfed you, but you’d been too caught up in the moment to truly process anything. Evidently, this was the moment that everything hit you at once.

You realise now how scared you were, how out of depth you felt.

Touya’s hand was warm on your shoulder, his arm wrapped around you tightly. He always felt like a furnace, as if he had a constant fever. It felt nice; comforting and familiar.

“Don’t cry, shh, shh.”

His calloused palm smooths itself over your cheek, wiping away the tears staining your face.

“Come on, pretty girl, don’t cry now.”

You sniffled slightly, clutching his shirt in your fists, burying your face into his chest.

“They hate me.”

He sighs heavily, arms coming to wrap around your head. He’s silent for a moment, contemplating his words carefully.

“They don’t hate you, I promise you. Hey, look at me.” He demands.

You do. 

Of course you do. You do whatever Touya asks of you - he says jump, you say how high.

He gives you a soft smile, ruffling your hair lightly.

“I love you. Tell me.”

“You love me Touya.”

“Is that enough?”

You nod in the self-assured way that all children do, so sure that your big brother would never lie to you.

“They might not show it in the best way, but they love you too. Dad, Fuyumi, Natsuo, Shoto - they all love you so much, too much.”

You’re hesitant, unsure of his words. But he’s never lied to you, so you try your best to believe him.

He cracks a smile, the large grin splitting his face, eyes wrinkling on either side.

“But I love you more, you got that?”

He lightly digs his fingers into your sides, and you screech out loudly, giggling as he continues his assault.

“I didn’t hear a yes.” He says in a singsong voice.

“Y-Yes Touya-nii, I understand, I understand!”

You manage to get the words out through small shrieks and giggles, trying to slink out of his grasp. 

He pulls you close, smothering you in a hug. He sighs heavily when you hug him back, the puff of air he lets out mussing your hair. 

The memory calms you, breathing evened out, tears drying up.

You had many memories with Touya, but that one, one from mere months before he’d passed - it always stuck out more than the others. 

It was your happy place, something you thought of whenever you got too overwhelmed.

You still feel overwhelmed and anxious, but at least you’ve stopped shaking. 

The dried tears make your cheeks feel sticky, but you can’t bring yourself to move, let alone get up and wash your face.

You fall asleep still curled up in a tight ball, limbs tucked into your stomach.

****

It had been a week since you’d told your father what Dr Takahashi had advised, and you’d gone out of your way to avoid him and your siblings. 

You’d been cooped up in your room for the vast majority of that time, leaving only to use the bathroom or raid the kitchen for food. 

It felt cowardly to hide away and avoid your problems, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care, not when dealing with it caused more problems than it solved. 

Distractions didn’t come easily. You’d spent more time than you’d care to admit staring at the ceiling or out the window. The view had lost its charm after the second day.

Now, a week later, you decided to stop hiding away like a hermit and instead act as if nothing had happened - or at least act more maturely than you had been.

Still, you left your room cautiously, peering down the long, dark hallways as if there was a terrible monster lurking within your house. 

You suppose that in a sense, there probably was.

The kitchen, thankfully, was deserted, quiet and clean as it usually was.

You distract yourself by filling a glass with water, the clear trickle of water the only sound in the empty space.

Leaning against the cool countertop, you slowly sip at your drink, eyeing the spotless kitchen with a disinterested eye. 

If nothing else, Fuyumi had filled your mother’s shoes well, having taken over as somewhat of a caretaker after she had been sent away. Your father employed various maids and chefs on occasion, but Fuyumi oversaw a lot of the household work when she was available.

Similarly to your mother, she never showed much interest in you beyond feeding you. 

The thought should have stung, but you couldn’t bring yourself to feel very strongly about it anymore.

You’re so deep in thought, you barely notice your father entering the kitchen, Fuyumi close behind him, both of them carrying grocery bags while holding a quiet conversation.

The sight of him, standing in the middle of the kitchen, arms filled with bags of produce; it throws you off.

He looks so normal, so domestic, it almost convinces you that he isn’t as bad as you’ve always believed - that none of them are so bad. He’s dressed casually, jeans and a black polo neck shirt. 

Sometimes, if you pretend hard enough, you can almost trick yourself into believing that you’re part of a normal, happy family. One that has dinner together every night, one that holds family trips and movie nights, a family that actually cares about one another beyond whatever twisted sense of duty your family seems to have.

Of course, that wasn’t possible, and the reality of your family was quite different.

Fuyumi is next to you now, eagerly attempting to converse with you, her hand resting gently against your forearm and she leans closer.

You flinch back, only slightly, but she notices nonetheless, retracting her hand a moment later. 

Now’s as good a time as any.

Whatever your sister had been saying falls on deaf ears as you interrupt her, addressing your father with a clipped tone.

“About the other day - have you changed your mind yet?”

It’s innocent enough, posed as a nonchalant inquiry, one brought up in passing. 

Only, you’re gripping the glass in a vice grip, knuckles turning white, and your eyebrows are slightly pinched together, wrinkling faintly. 

Truthfully, you feel as though you’ve been wound up tight, like a spring. It’s all you can do to stop your hands from shaking - even worse, you have a suffocating hold over your quirk, forcing it down even as you panic.

Enji hums lightly, not looking your way as he sets his bags down on the countertop opposite you, his broad shoulders relaxed, his demeanour passive.

He turns to you then, and looks you in the eye. He searches your face, looking for something for a moment, and he seems to find whatever it is he’s looking for because he huffs and shakes his head, slowly making his way towards you with heavy steps.

Your father approaches you as if you’re some frightened animal, stopping a few steps away as he crosses his arms over his broad chest, muscles bulging, straining against the fabric of his shirt.

“If you truly need to train as the doctors have said, then you may train with me.”

Protests begin falling from your lips before he’s even finished his sentence, and you see his eyebrows quirk with irritation.

He raises a massive palm, silencing you with one look while he shakes his head. 

If you didn’t know any better, you might have said he looked disappointed.

He speaks again once he’s sure you won’t interrupt.

"You'll train with me or not at all."

Something flashes inside of you then - anger or frustration or something similar. His selfishness truly knew no bounds, that much was clear.

"I'm not Shoto - I’m not Touya. You treat me like him - you treat me worse than you treated him, but no matter how much you force it, I am not him."

He steps forward, moving faster than your brain can register.

The entire left side of your face burns, stinging from the force of his calloused palm connecting with your cheek.

There’s a ringing in your left ear, and a gentle prod of your tongue reveals that your lip has been split open. You feel disorientated, and you’re surprised you didn’t fall down when he hit you.

You laugh then. Silently, humourlessly.

When your gaze meets his, he looks shocked, all the blood having left his face. A quick glance at Fuyumi shows that she’s just as shocked, one hand clenched in front of her stomach, the other covering her mouth which is twisted into a horrified expression. 

Your father opens his mouth to say something, but you cut him off before he gets the words out.

“You like to act like it, but you haven’t changed one bit.”

Pushing past him is easy, he doesn't try to stop you, not even calling out to you as you grab a jacket from the coat rack near the entrance and leave, slamming the front door behind you.

****

You walk around aimlessly, staring blankly into the storefronts of various shops.

After you’d left home, you got on to the first bus that had come by, getting off only once the walls had felt more suffocating than safe.

Where you were now, you had no idea.

Some or other business district, if you had to wager a guess. There were a few smaller stores and bars littered out amongst the highrise buildings, though the streets were mostly deserted. You hadn’t seen very many people, even after hours of meandering about.

You’d been walking around for a while, and the sun was close to setting now. The buildings around you were bathed in an eerie red-tinged glow, almost as if covered in blood. 

As much as you hated to admit it, you were lost.

You were lost, and you didn’t have a phone. Hell, you barely had enough money for the bus fare back home - however far that may be.

Despite the dire circumstances, your panic felt strangely muted. Perhaps you’d exhausted your quota for negative emotions in this lifetime. The thought amused you.

Your face ached, and if you have to guess, your cheek was probably swollen and red from where your father had struck you hours earlier.

Trying to ignore the pain had worked well at first, though that was probably because you were running high off of adrenaline. Now though, the pain had set in, knocking you in full force, and your jaw throbbed horribly.

After weighing your options carefully, you decided that the best use for the last of your money would be to buy an ice pack.

You’d manage to find a way home, one way or another. Or maybe you’d continue to wander around for a while longer. Either way, the insistent pounding in your face was more important than returning home.

Finding a convenience store was easy enough, and you slinked into the first one you came across, the bell above the door jingling loudly. The noise made your head hurt.

For a store in the centre of a business district, it was surprisingly unkempt. Lights flickered oddly, the windows were mostly blacked out, and there were piles of merchandise stacked precariously throughout the small store.

You ignored your sense of unease, instead slipping through the store silently, making a beeline towards the freezers shoved in the corner. 

The store may have been small and cramped, but at least it was clean. The sliding door moves smoothly, and a gush of cold air hits you as you reach into the freezer, grabbing the first ice pack you see.

As you make your way through the store, browsing to see if they had any snacks cheap enough to fit in your restricted budget, the bell above the door tinkled. You wince softly, ears still ringing loudly.

The old man really didn’t hold back. He hasn’t hit me like that in years.

Finally, you find a stack of cheap energy bars near the opposite end of the store. Grabbing a few, you make your way towards the counter.

The customer before you stands hunched over, a hood covering his head. He drops two cans and a packet of chips on the counter, tossing the money down afterwards. The cashier seems bored, his face flat and eyes dead.

After handing back his change, the cashier's eyes slide to you and you step forward, nearly colliding with the customer in front of you.

“Watch it.” He hisses at you.

You mumble out a few apologies, head tilted downwards, eyes trained on the floor.

He scoffs and makes his way to the door, meeting who you assume to be a friend. He throws you one last dirty look before the pair leaves, the door slamming shut behind them with a bang.

You don’t bother trying to hold a conversation with the man behind the counter, instead just pushing your items forward gently and handing him the money. You’re quick to leave after you’ve paid.

The cold of the ice pack seems to seep into your bones, numbing your cheek and jaw. It feels amazing, and you have to stop yourself from moaning out as it numbs the pain.

You curse yourself for not carrying more money - painkillers would have helped a lot at the moment, but you had to settle for a quickly melting ice pack and a cheap snack instead.

The few energy bars you’d managed to pay for were shoved into the pocket of your jacket, one hand clenching them, the other holding the pack to your face. 

You pull the door open and dart outside, careful not to trip on the slight step in front of the store. You stand still for a moment, deliberating on which direction you should take.

A glance to your right, towards the busier part of the neighbourhood, shows the two men from earlier, lingering near the entrance of the store. You quickly decide to go left, hopping down the step and hurrying along the sidewalk.

As reluctant as you were to go towards the less populated area of the city centre, you weren’t eager to walk past the man from earlier either. Something about him made your hair stand on end.

Checking left and then right, you quickly dart across the road, risking a glance behind you.

The two men are gone.

You huff out a light laugh.

I’m so paranoid. God, that’s so embarrassing.

Regardless of the now empty street, you continue on in the direction you were walking. Having a quirk, especially one like yours, it made you feel safe. Even though you didn’t have the best control over it, it was better than being quirkless and defenceless.

The sun had set by now, and though there were many street lights, very few of them actually worked. The street was bathed in darkness, though your eyes adjusted quickly.

You should be concerned, you know that you should be - you’re alone, lost and in pain. But you feel somewhat weightless, almost free. 

There’s a small skip in your step as you walk down the winding street, taking random turns and corners, not paying attention to your surroundings as much as you should. By now, the roads have become narrower, the buildings taller.

You’re in your own head, playing over the events of the day, when you hear the slight patter of footsteps behind you. 

Something in your gait falters, and you fight the urge to stop and look around. 

Perhaps you’re being paranoid, perhaps it’s nothing, but you’d rather be sure.

There are no corners or turns for a while, the street you’re on is long and narrow, so you decide to slip through the alleyway up ahead.

As you turn into the alleyway, you chance a glance behind you.

Nothing.

There’s no one there.

The street is empty, devoid of any life form other than you.

You clench the now limp ice pack in your hand, shaking your head slightly.

When did I become so paranoid?

You puff out your cheeks, holding your breath for a long moment before slowly releasing it. Under different circumstances, you might have laughed at yourself.

A short glance into the alleyway confirms that it leads to the next street over, so you decide to take it as a shortcut instead of walking around the cluster of buildings. It’s nearly pitch black, the dim light from the street lamps not reaching this far into the backstreets.

Stuffing the melted ice pack into your other pocket, you relax your shoulders and start making your way through the alleyway.

The sound of your footsteps echoes around you, bouncing from wall to wall.

You’re about a third of the way through the alley when your skin prickles painfully and you stop dead in your tracks.

There’s no noise, no movement, nothing to warrant the sudden fear you feel. But as much as you try to convince yourself, you can’t seem to move, rooted in place with terror.

Sucking up your pride, you turn to leave the alley and-

You’re face to face with a man.

At least, you assume it’s a man.

He’s tall, but that’s the extent of what you can see. His face is covered by a mask and he wears a brightly coloured coat and a ridiculous looking tophat. There isn’t even a sliver of skin visible, every inch of him covered by extravagant clothing.

His fashion choices are the least of your worries though. He stands casually, leaning against the wall of the alleyway.

It might have looked like he was outside for a break or some air, but the way his body is positioned, leaning towards you, ready and waiting, the way he covers the nearest exit from the alley - he has you trapped.

You don’t wait for him to speak or move. Instead, you take off running towards the far end of the alley.

His laugh is deep, the sound of it reverberating around you. 

It’s a mocking sound, and it seems to chase after you as you run.

Whether or not he was innocent didn’t matter, his presence set off alarm bells in your head, and you’d rather be wrong and hurt his feelings than end up dead, or worse.

Only, you don’t make it very far before you’re skidding to a halt, trying not to crash into the man before you.

He grins widely, the scaled skin of his face stretching. What alarms you more than his menacing smile on his face is what appears to be a sword strapped to his back.

For one terrifying moment, your mind goes blank. You can’t think or move, and you stand there like a deer in headlights.

Thankfully, your body doesn’t fail you, some deeply buried instinct rising up to protect you as the scaled man approaches you, still smiling widely.

The alleyway, littered with junk and cardboard boxes, still feels cramped. But you thank the mess surrounding you as your quirk sends pieces of metal and plastic flying towards the man as he nears you.

His arms rise to protect his face as he’s pelted with scraps.

The man behind you seems to be more agile, gracefully weaving through the onslaught of rubbish being thrown his way.

You try to run again, slipping past the man still being attacked by your quirk. He tries to reach for you but you scamper out of the way.

Only, your efforts aren’t enough, and you feel yourself slowing down.

Am I slowing down?

No…

Your surroundings seem to become bigger, the exit of the alley growing further away with every step.

Except nothing was moving - you were shrinking, being encased in some type of blue shell.

The masked man, now ten times larger than you, picks you up with a light laugh. He says something to his companion, who is no longer being pelted with litter, before slipping you into his pocket.

Panic clogs up your throat, so thick and slimy that you can barely breathe.

You feel weightless for a short moment, and then you’re being moved again, the man taking you out of his pocket and placing you on the floor.

Returning to your original size happens rapidly, and you sway in place as you try to shake off the dizziness in your head.

“Ah, please wait here for a moment, you’ll meet the others shortly.”

You’re disorientated, confused as the masked man from before slips out of the room. As soon as the door shuts behind him, you collapse. The floor is dusty and the room is small. The smell of mildew fills your lungs uncomfortably as you look around the room. 

It’s cramped, barely large enough for three people. You could probably touch the two opposite walls from your position on the floor.

Your mind runs rampant with what ifs and you wonder if you’re going to die soon. For all your bravado, having a quirk had done nothing to help you protect yourself. Shame flooded your mind and you had to bite back tears - both from terror and self pity.

Despite what the man had said earlier, he doesn’t return, and even with the situation as grim as it was, you find yourself falling asleep, still a crumpled heap on the floor.

****

There were times that you’d almost felt thankful that you’d been born without a quirk.

Like when you’d seen the way Touya and Shoto had to train with your father, the way he would hit and shove them, force them to push themselves to impossible limits just to meet his standards.

Sometimes being quirkless felt like a blessing in disguise.

There were also times, before Touya passed, before your mother’s break, that you’d felt as though your family might have actually cared for you. Well, everyone except your mother.

You weren’t sure whether it was a figment of your imagination or not, but it didn’t matter. It was little more than a hazy memory at this point.

Your father hitting Shoto harshly for making you cry, holding you close to his chest as he pet your hair. He smelt sharply of woodsmoke, sweat and soap.

Fuyumi petting your head softly after forcing treats down your throat. 

Natsuo propping you up in the basket of his bicycle, flying down the hill as you screeched and laughed.

Shoto grasping your hand tightly, pulling you close after he crawled into your bed with you, claiming he’d had a nightmare, his presence suffocating you while he held you as close as he could.

You’d chalked it all up to a daydream. Even if it was true, all that had happened nearly twelve years ago. Those small actions hardly excused their awful treatment of you in the years following.

Worse than their cold treatment and harsh punishments had to be their effect on others. Even after all these years, the way that you were shunned by other people still stung.

You realise now that it may have been because of your lack of a quirk, but it must have had something to do with your father’s refusal to acknowledge you.

I feel bad - imagine being a pro-hero with a pathetic, quirkless loser as a daughter. I’d be embarrassed too, having to be related to someone like you.

You thought that gaining a quirk would change something, but evidently your family had a problem with you, not your lack of a quirk.

It had been a difficult realisation to come to, one you’d lost a lot of sleep over.

Asking your father to let you go to UA had been a double-barrelled question.

While you were actually asking him to let you join the famous school for heroes, you were also asking him to let you go.

Having no family and no home had to be better than suffering in a household of people who despised you.

Evidently, he couldn’t let you go.

He couldn’t love you, but he refused to let you go.

You felt pathetic, vying for affection for years from the people who hated you most.

Over the past ten years since Touya had passed, you’d tried only once to leave.

You’d packed a bag and left in the middle of the day, making sure that no one saw you leave. You’d made it pretty far too, before you were caught by a pro-hero who dragged you back to your father’s agency.

He beat you after that, smacking you so hard you felt your brain rattle in your skull, leaving bruises that stained your skin for months. He made it clear that you weren’t allowed to leave. They hated you, barely tolerating the sight of you - but you couldn’t leave.

It felt like a fate more cruel than death, some type of inhumane punishment for something you’d done in a past life.

Your siblings had treated you coldly after that too. They didn’t bother pretending to care when your father slapped you around as punishment, turning a blind eye as he told you that if you tried to leave again, he’d send you to the hospital with injuries ten times worse than those he had inflicted.

You suppose that you got the short end of the stick in many ways - you didn’t have a quirk, but you were still treated like Shoto and Touya.

****

You wake up to someone shaking you, propping you up as they try to get you on to your feet.

Flinching back, you blink blearily at them.

It’s the man from earlier, his hat and coat discarded. 

“Come on, we shouldn’t keep them waiting.”

He doesn’t give you a chance to ask questions, instead yanking you up and pushing you towards the only door in the room.

Your initial panic returns, and you begin wriggling in his grasp, digging your heels into the ground as he tries to pull you out of the room.

His exasperated sigh is lost to you, too focused on breaking out of his grasp. He lets go of your arm for a moment before he has his hands wrapped around the back of your thighs, tossing you over his shoulder and walking out of the room.

The fists pounding on his back don’t seem to bother him, and your flailing legs are held down in a vice grip, his fingers digging into your thighs until you yelp.

“Stop moving.” He bites out in an irritated tone.

“Let me go!” 

It’s the first time you’ve spoken to him. You had hoped to sound stern and angry, but it comes out as a broken, terrified garble instead.

He ignores you, making his way through the winding corridors. 

Your search for objects to throw at the man proves to be futile - the corridors are barren.

Tears of frustration begin dotting at your waterline and you instead hang limply over his shoulder, trying not to think about all the horrible things that were about to happen.

He comes to a halt five minutes later, rapping on the door sharply before he’s let in.

You don’t have a chance to look around the room before you’re unceremoniously dropped into a chair. You’re sure it’ll leave a few bruises later on.

Just as you prepare to fling yourself to the side, to run away or attack the man with your quirk, your wrists are enclosed in thick cuffs.

Immediately, it feels as if a part of you has been shut off. A few seconds later and you’ve confirmed it.

Quirk cancelling cuffs.

The realisation that they were prepared enough to bring quirk cancelling cuffs scares you.

You don’t have time to linger on what that may mean.

“Little Todoroki.”

A symphony of laughter surrounds you. Mocking you, taunting you.

There are so many people. Even if you had access to your quirk, you were sure it wouldn’t be of much use.

The two men from before were standing off to the side, alongside two more and a woman. Before you stood a young looking girl, likely your age, and two other men. 

Eight people.

You try to curl into yourself as best you can.

They’re all staring at you, waiting for you to say something, do something.

When you remain still and silent, a few of them laugh again. 

“What, aren’t you going to thank us for your quirk? If I had known that you would be this ungrateful, I would have kept it to myself.”

Your blood chills and your breath catches in your throat.

There are so many questions flying through your mind, many of which you’re too terrified to ask.

“What?”

It’s whispered quietly under your breath, barely loud enough to be heard through the rush of blood in your ears.

“Oh don’t look so surprised, you knew your quirk wasn’t natural.”

Yes, you knew. But hearing it outloud, having it confirmed that your quirk wasn’t your own - it bruises your ego more than you’d care to admit.

The man before you, the blue haired one that seems to be the leader of the small group, continues talking, ignorant to your inner turmoil.

“I can almost see it now - Pro-hero Endeavour, beloved public figure, the famous flame hero - his own daughter affiliated with the same scum of the earth villains he’s sworn to fight. The irony, am I right?”

A few group members laugh cruelly as he continues on.

“Not only are you affiliated with us - you were so desperate for something that your father couldn’t give you that you joined a group of villains - in exchange for a quirk of all things. Oh how the mighty have fallen.”

He laughs then, different from before. It’s low and dry, and he approaches you, crouching down so that he can look you in the eyes through the mask on his face.

You’re horrified when you realise that it isn’t a mask - it’s a hand. A human hand.

Leaning back as far as you can in the uncomfortable wooden chair. It creaks loudly and the back of it digs into your shoulder painfully.

You hold his gaze for as long as you can, not saying a word, hardly daring to breathe. 

“Aren’t you going to ask how we gave you your quirk?”

His question throws you off, and you blink, slightly dumbfounded. You open your mouth, and then close it again, unsure of what to say, of what he wants to hear.

Instead, you nod mutely, still staring intently at his face.

He snorts, shaking his head. He places his hand on your shoulder, leaning forward so that his head is next to yours, so close that his lips graze your ear as he speaks.

“Use your words.”

His fingers tangle gently into the hairs at the nape of your neck.

“How did you give me my quirk.”

Your words lack the tonation of a question, but he doesn’t mention it. He doesn’t answer your question either, rather, he grips the back of your neck harshly, pulling you so close that your nose almost brushes up against the hand on his face.

“I could kill you, you know? All it would take is a touch, and you wouldn’t be able to do anything about it.”

You’re shaking now, though tears elude you. Your eyes are wide and your breathing shallow. 

“But I won’t. My father’s experiment - my experiment - you’re proof that it was a success. Really, you should be thanking me.”

He leans to the side, placing his palms flat on your shoulders and-

Your jacket is gone. Where the familiar material once lay against your shoulders, there was now a fine layer of dust.

“My name is Shigaraki, but you can call me Tomura. We’re going to get to know each other quite well, so you should get comfortable,” he says as he brushes the dust off of your arms.

He clasps your upper arms in his hands, staring at you for only a moment before straightening himself and turning away. He leaves the room without looking at you again, instead waving his companions off and telling them to lock you away.

Most of the remaining people in the room leave then, still laughing and talking amongst themselves. The only two that remain are the masked man from before and one of the strangers who lingered in the shadows.

“Come on, I’ll take you to your room-”

The masked man is cut off abruptly as the other man, one with spiky black hair and charred skin, grabs his arm and whispers something to him.

Though you can’t see his face, it seems as though the masked man throws him a suspicious look. He relents, patting him on the back, leaving the room with one last glance your way.

You’re left alone with the charred man, his back facing you as he watches his companion leave.

…

His shoulders slump and he whirls on his heel, swiftly approaching you.

The palm of his hand is warm on your now bare forearm, and he yanks you harshly from the chair.

“Fucking finally,” he mutters under his breath, pulling out of the room, through the winding corridors.

****

Ten minutes later, you’re being shoved into a room, one much more spacious and comfortable than the one you first woke up in.

There’s a bed in the corner, narrow but comfortable looking, and a chair next to it. There’s also a door off to the side, and the short glance you manage to steal shows that it’s a small bathroom.

You feel sick.

Fan-fucking-tastic. I’m being held hostage. This is just perfect.

Your thoughts are cut short when the door slams shut behind you.

The man is still here with you.

He glances at you over his shoulder, his back still facing you.

One small step backwards turns into two, which continues on until the back of your knees hit the edge of the mattress. 

You turn slightly, a few millimetres to see what you walked into.

The movement seems to stir the man from his stupor, and he swivels around to storm towards you. 

You think he’s about to hit you, or shove you, or kill you.

But none of those things happen.

Instead, he pauses once he’s in front of you. 

He stares at you, his gaze boring into your own. The silence is blaring. 

You don’t blink. You don’t breathe. You stand and wait, still staring at him.

His lips slip into a crooked, wicked smirk and he pushes himself closer to you, leering at you. You lean back as far as you can, trying to keep some distance between the two of you until your knees fold and you collapse onto the bed.

The warning glare he throws you is icy, and he leans down to grab at the cuffs still encircling your wrists. After a long moment, there’s a silent click and your wrists are free. You immediately rub at the tender skin, still eyeing him suspiciously.

He pockets the cuffs before dropping down next to you on the bed, leaning back against the wall while he eyes you with what can only be described as amusement.

“Well?”

He gestures vaguely with his hand, an air of expectancy surrounding him. He quirks an eyebrow at you, lightly nudging you with his foot.

You angle yourself away from him, turning your body towards the door. But as hard as you try to ignore him, he seems intent on getting you to talk.

“What, aren’t you going to greet your big brother?”

He lets out a dramatic, pained gasp, one hand clutched to his chest.

“And I thought you missed me.”

His words make you freeze. You’re still facing the wall, so he’s unable to see your wide eyes or clenched hands.

But he’s able to feel the way the air becomes dense, to see the way your hair raises up slightly as you lose the hold on your quirk. 

You feel suffocated, as if the walls are closing in.

Is this supposed to be some kind of joke? Is it a test - something meant to get a rise out of me?

“Hey, it was funny at first, but I want an answer.”

You don’t hear him, still rigid and distressed. 

He doesn’t take your silence well, grabbing at your shoulder with rough hands, yanking you so that you’re facing him.

Even then, you remain silent, fearful of the strange man no more than two feet away from you. 

His grip on your arm tightens, though you barely feel it. 

The room feels warm, hotter than it had when you’d first arrived. His eyes flash while he shifts closer, crowding into your space, searching your face for something.

“You don’t recognise me,” he says decisively. 

“Well, I guess I can excuse that - I have a more ruggedly handsome look now than I did ten years ago.”

His joking tone is lost on you. You’re sceptical of his words, of the situation you’ve found yourself in. 

Trying to pry your arm out of his grasp proves to be difficult, his grip tightening uncomfortably. 

“Say something,” he demands. He leans closer, too close. Close enough that you can smell him - metal and smoke and blood.

“It’s me - Touya. Come on, say something.”

His tone is pleading now, begging you to say something.

You lick your lips, eyes shifting around as you try to think of what to say.

“T-Touya?”

Your voice cracks, but it seems to be enough for him.

His eyes brighten a bit and he lurches forward without warning, pulling you into a suffocating you in a hug. You remain stiff, awkwardly patting his arm.

The grip he has on you tightens as a laugh rumbles in his chest.

“You don’t believe me. That’s fine, you will. Sooner or later.”

He moves back to his position by the wall, seemingly more comfortable than he had been earlier.

“W-Why should I believe you? You don’t have any evidence - this could be some ploy to get me to trust you and your friends.”

He shrugs, neck rolling side to side.

“I guess time is the only way to tell, and we have plenty of that. You’ll have to believe me eventually.”

There’s a pause, short and uncomfortable, before he’s speaking again, his eyes now bright and leering. The look he gives you scares you. You hold your breath. 

“Tell me though - how is dear old dad? Does he still beat you?”

You gape at him like a fish, eyes wide in shock. He leans forward, still talking as if he doesn’t notice how his words burn you.

“Or how about mom, huh? She always hated you, though you never really accepted that. Come to think of it, they all did, to a degree. Not me though, I loved you.”

He has a sick look of satisfaction on his face. 

No one but Touya could have known that, so it must be true that he’s your big brother.

The thought doesn’t comfort you as it should, you feel sick looking at the content look on his face. The Touya you remember would never have said something like that - something meant to cut you deep, to hurt you.

“Have you even seen her since she-”

“Stop it! I get it, you’re Touya, just- just stop.”

Your voice cracks pathetically.

“Aw, come on, don’t be like that. Hey,” he grasps your arm again. You wish he would stop touching you.

“Since you believe me now, and you haven’t tried anything, I’ll give you a reward. You’ve been good, how about it?”

His nails dig into your flesh as he grows impatient with you, silently demanding an answer. A mute nod is all you can muster up.

You should be overjoyed, you know that. Your brother, who you had assumed to be dead, was alive. He was alive and right in front of you. 

Except this wasn’t your brother. The man staring you down so intently was not Touya.

“You’re lucky, y’know that? You’re lucky I cared enough about you to volunteer you for this position. Hell, you’re lucky you got a quirk through this experiment and not the big boss like we usually do it. You’d be brain dead by now if that had happened.”

He talks over you even as you try to question him, his grip becoming bruising and painful around your arm.

“You’re lucky I’m not like dad,” he sneers at you. “If I were, I’d have smacked the shit out of you for how you spoke to me.”

Having heard enough, you yank your arm out of his grasp and stand up abruptly, staring down at him.

You’re confused and hurt, but most of all, you’re angry.

“You’re not Touya. Touya would never speak to me like this, he’d never allow me to be treated like this. And he definitely wouldn’t join a group of villains. I don’t know who you are, but you aren’t my brother. Maybe you were once, but now you’re nothing more than a corrupt piece of shit.”

He listens to you silently, waiting until you’re finished, chest heaving as you glare at him with all the hate you can muster, still gripping your bruised arm to your chest.

Then, he laughs.

It starts off softly. You barely hear it, the only indication that he’s actually laughing being the slight shake of his shoulders. As the seconds tick by though, it grows louder and louder, until he’s clutching his stomach, head thrown back as his bellowing laughs echo throughout the room.

He quiets down after a few minutes, wiping away a nonexistent tear, one last amused puff of air leaving his lips.

Before you can blink, he’s on you, smothering you.

His hands are on your throat, crushing your windpipe. The force of him jumping at you knocked you back, and you hit the wall with a loud oof, the air literally knocked out of you. 

While his actions are crazed, his eyes are anything but. He stares down at you, his gaze drilling into yours. His thumbs press down and you’re letting out an odd choking sound.

“I knew I spoiled you too much when you were younger. You’ve become such a goddamn brat,” he spat, eyes wide and angry.

“Is this how you want me to act? If I’m really such a piece of shit, then maybe I should go all out, treat you exactly how dad does? Would you prefer that?”

He smirks slightly, more of a quirk of his lips than a smile, eyes narrowing while he continues to speak over your spluttering.

“Maybe that’s what you need - maybe I should go further than dad would, that’d really get the message through.”

His right palm, massive and calloused, slides off of your throat and down to your left shoulder, where his fingers grip into the tender flesh.

“Why do you make me out to be the bad guy, huh?” he sighs heavily. 

“I try to help you and this is what I get in return - a bitch for a sister who doesn’t know when to keep her mouth shut. Well, that’s easy enough to remedy, I guess. I don’t like hurting you, but this is for your own good, I promise. Trust me, just like you used to - I’d never lie to you.”

His left hand leaves your throat, moving instead to cover your mouth.

You can breathe again, and you shudder as you try to suck in a breath with his rough palm covering your mouth. You wonder for a split second why he moved his hand, why he covers your lower face.

It becomes clear a moment later.

Touya’s quirk was always amazing. Blue flames that would dance beautifully, capturing your attention whenever he would show off to you. It was amazing, but it hurt him, in ways that you would never understand.

You never understood why he grimaced and whimpered and cried after using his quirk, but now you do.

His palm heats up quickly, blue flames searing the skin of your shoulder.

You scream then, eyes bulging, limbs thrashing.

The smell of your flesh sizzling makes you nauseous, and you start to feel light-headed.

After he decides you’ve had enough, he pulls his hand away, and an angry red welt remains, your skin still hot, sizzling and bleeding from the abuse. He slowly moves his hand away from your mouth, taking a step back.

His distance doesn’t last long - he’s back in your space in an instant as you stumble forward, his arms wrapping around you, carrying you back to the bed.

You feel feverish, and you briefly register that you’re about to pass out, though Touya’s words drown out your thoughts.

“See, now you went and made me feel bad. Just remember that this was your fault, you can’t blame me for your bad attitude. Hey, how about we start fresh after this, forget this whole thing happened?”

He doesn’t wait for an answer, instead brushing the sweaty strands of hair off your forehead, softly petting your head with a loving look in his eyes.

“All of this aside, I did miss you, you know? I would check up on you when I could, though you never seemed to be too badly off. If there’s one thing I can’t fault dad and them on, it has to be the way they take care of you. It doesn’t hurt that they made sure you hated them just enough to make me look good.”

He stares at you fondly, and you don’t have the energy to bat him away, let alone to tell him how they’d made your life a living hell - how he was making your life a living hell. Your vision starts to swim, but he continues on.

“Yeah, I know, you probably don’t believe me, but they really do care for you. A bit too much if I’m honest, but whatever. You’re with me now, and that’s all that matters. It’s just the two of us again, just like it used to be.”

You wish he would stop talking, but his voice was surprisingly soothing and his touch was familiar. 

“Shigaraki seems to like you too, which is good - that means the others will have to mind their own business too. Plus I’m here, so you won’t have to worry about them bothering you. But hey, you can’t call me Touya in front of those guys - call me Dabi.”

What kind of a name is Dabi?

You think briefly about the fact that you should have stayed at home instead of running off.

But despite everything that had happened, a small, dark part of you was happy. Your brother was alive - a monster, a villain - but he was alive. And a twisted, broken part of you was happy that he still cared about you. 

Him hurting you wasn’t any different from how your father used to treat you. Perhaps you had traded in one evil for another.

You pass out still listening to him ramble on about how happy he was to have you back, how much he’d missed you, how lucky you were to have such a caring big brother.

****

Dabi - Touya - sighs heavily, still stroking your hair. He stares down at you with a remorseful look in his eyes.

“I know you can’t hear me, but I have to get it off of my chest. It’s probably for the best that you’re unconscious actually.”

He laughs, though it lacks humour or happiness.

“I’m sorry,” he says, voice cracking. “I’m sorry it had to be like this, and I’m sorry I had to leave you. I’ll understand if you hate me, but this is just the way things have to be now.”

His hand pauses as his attention wanes, eyes glazing over as he focuses on something unseen.

“I was never as great as you thought I was. But I’m still sorry,” he says, clenching his hands in fists, nails indenting the flesh of his palms.

“I don’t like hurting you, not that it helps at all.”

He stands, rearranging you more comfortably on the bed.

“I’m sorry for dragging you into this - but it’s for the best. I promise.”

I promise.

[fleurywiththesave]

Hello! Mattdrai or Matthew/Sasha and sleep deprived please 💙

Ohhhh I love this one! You know I had to make it Mattdrai.

9. Sleep deprivation

Leon promised himself that he wasn't going to allow himself to look at any evidence of Cup celebrations. Nada, zip, zilch. No on-ice interviews, no celebratory photos, no coverage of the eventual parade. He swore, up and down, that he would have enough common sense not to torture himself.

But the thing is, as shitty as Leon feels right now...and make no mistake, he feels shitty. He and Connor cried on each other for what felt like hours, he still has no appetite, he's afraid to touch social media for fear that hearing everyone's disappointment and judgment will rip him apart all over. He is not having a good time and he would very much like never to be in this position again.

But he's still so. goddamn. proud. of Matthew. Of how hard he worked all season, of everything he does to bring his team together, of how incredibly happy he's made his family. And there's even a part of him, that he would never ever ever tell Connor about, that's even happier for Matthew than he would've been for himself. Seeing him get so close to the end last season, seeing him literally break his body doing everything he could to win and it still not being enough, hurt Leon almost as much as it hurt Matthew, and he's not sure that Matthew ever would have really recovered from suffering the same fate twice in a row.

So he lied. Sue him. He gets onto his stealth Instagram account, where he won't see any mention of his own failures, and watches from afar while Matthew and his teammates live it up at Eleven. That stupid WWE belt is going to be so gross by the end of all of this that Leon might have to burn it. Though Matthew's definitely going to want to frame it.

He's running through around the tenth cycle of wanting to smile and also kind of wanting to cry when his phone starts to vibrate and Matthew's name pops up. He accepts the call before he's had a chance to consider whether or not it's a good idea.

"Leo!" Matthew yells, as chipper as a children's TV host. Leon's amused in spite of himself.

"Are you drunk?"

"You'd think so," Matthew says agreeably, "but I mostly just haven't slept in two days."

"Yeah, I noticed," Leon answers.

"You've been watching?" Matthew's voice has gone considerably softer and he sounds genuinely surprised.

"I have," Leon tells him. Matthew sighs.

"Fuck, I miss you, baby."

"Matty—"

"I know, I know. But I already told you I'm kind of delirious and it's true, I fucking miss you, and I hate that me being so happy means that you have to be so miserable, and I just wish you were here with me, you know? And I know that's not fair, I know you should have your space and you needed to go back to Edmonton—"

"I didn't," Leon cuts in.

"You didn't what?"

"I didn't go back to Edmonton," he admits. "I'm still at the hotel in Florida."

There's a long pause.

"I can be home in half an hour," Matthew says, words tripping over each other. Leon's heart swells.

"I'll be there."

[cardibgans]

SMILES AND LOOKS | eddie roundtree

. ˖࣪ ⚝ cute (none warning)

. ˖࣪ ⚝ eddie roundtree x fem!oc

. ˖࣪ ⚝ 965 words . .

Y/N: Well, how I met Eddie... It's kind of funny.

EDDIE: She was still working as a waitress in a restaurant that we all went to frequently.

Y/N: And he never looked away from me, sometimes it was a little weird, because he never took any action. Until I started talking to him and found out that he had just moved to LA and was in a band.

EDDIE: Who can blame me? Have you guys looked at Y/N?

Y/N: That was right before I was working as a songwriter for the new band Teddy was creating.

EDDIE: But one day I decided to try my luck.

It was the hottest day Los Angeles had seen in years. And as it turned out, all the Californians were on the beaches to cool off. On the other hand, the Six were in the coffee shop next to the record label where they were supposed to be writing songs at that very moment, but it was too hot to think about anything.

── Here are the lemonades. ── The waitress in the vibrant blue and yellow apron took the glasses off the tray and left them on the table in front of her for all six friends.

── Thank you, Y/N. ── Eddie smiled. Of course they had talked several times, but that doesn't take away from the fact that it was funny when Y/N catches him looking at her.

── What are you guys doing today? ── S/N asked as he was tucking the huge metal tray under his arm.

── We don't know yet. ── Camila replied, shaking the straw in her glass.

── We should be working on a song, but in this heat it's almost impossible. ── Graham said.

── I'm going to have to agree. ── She gave a low laugh. ── Don't worry, folks. Soon a melody and some cool lyrics will appear for you.

── Hey. Don't you want to go to the beach with us after your shift? ── Eddie asked.

── Sure! That would be great. ── The blonde gave a big smile.

── Right!

EDDIE: It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It wasn't a real date, but it was a good start, right?

Y/N: What he didn't know was that I had a little crush on him at that time.

EDDIE: Wait, she said that?

After the end of his workday, which on weekends was shortened to after noon, Y/N was already heading down to the beach. His house was not that far from there, so it was easy to leave to change and not take so long to do so.

Karen was the first to see Y/N, he waved for her to see them and she returned the greeting. Camila pulled Eddie close to her and before the woman could reach her, she managed to whisper in his ear.

── You better act today.

EDDIE: It sounded like a threat to me... But what matters is that in the end I got the girl. Thanks, Camila, for the little push.

Y/N: Cam has always been there to take care of everyone.

After a few beers and cigarettes, Eddie and Y/N were left alone by their Roundtree band mates. Just the two of them enjoying the beach breeze hitting their faces and hair.

── And that's how he ended up with the hotel bathroom. ── Y/N gave a loud laugh. Eddie should be telling about their idiocy on The Dunne Brothers tour. ── It was good while it lasted.

── I'm sorry about that, Ed. ──── He shook his head and took the last sip of his beer.

── On the bright side, I never would have met him if the band had worked out. ── The level of alcohol in Eddie's veins was having an effect on his behavior and his attitude.

Y/N smiled watching Eddie gazing at the sunset. She gave him a slight nudge with her arm. Roundtree looked at her with a smile on his face.

── What? ── He asked, confused. Now she was looking at him in that strange way.

EDDIE: I could only think of one thing.... "Who's looking in a strange way now?"

INTERVIEWER: Is that where you knew you loved him?

Y/N: I knew the first time I saw him… Despite the strange looks we were giving each other.

EDDIE: That is still the case today, as incredible as it seems.

── Nothing. Just let it go. ── Y/N turned her gaze to the sea. But Eddie asked with his eyes that she say something. ── Thank you for inviting me, Eddie. I really needed that. ── She smiles again, looking at his face.

── God, stop doing that. ── Eddie brushes his hair back, receiving a confused look from the woman beside him. ── Every time you smile at me like that, my mind locks up and I don't know what to say. ── Y/N felt her heart racing so fast she couldn't hear anything but him. She let out a low laugh and moved closer to him.

── So you don't want me to smile closer to you? ── She whispered, looking into Eddie's eyes and then into his mouth.

── Please don't. ── He answered in a whisper, before he glued his lips to hers.

EDDIE: I kissed her. And if it were only up to me, we'd be married the next day.

Y/N: Eddie is exaggerating. He still took a long time to propose and even longer to get engaged.

EDDIE: What can I do? I wanted to keep her with me as long as possible. And it worked.

[mishaandthebrits]

The best things in life are better with you - (Pierre Gasly x Reader) ⭐️

This has been in my drafts forever and I just found it again 😅 so please enjoy 😂🙈

Pairing: Pierre Gasly x Reader

Word Count: 941

Summary: Pierre and you have a little secret.

Warnings: Teeth rotting fluff, Cute Pierre, might make you feel incredibly lonely

Pierre and you went way back. Your mothers had been friends, so the two of you grew up best friends as well. It was quite usual to find one in the others house when you grew up and even now it was unusual for you two to be far from each other. Well, unless he was in the car of course.

"I'm back.", you heard Pierre speak as he entered the room of his driver room after the media duties of the day. With a smile you locked your iPad and looked up at him.

"How was it? Did they have rumors again?", you laughed referring to the enormous amount of times the press had speculated that the both of you were in an intimate relationship.

"None this time.", he chuckled and sat down on his bed. "What're you watching? Please tell me its not that weird crime show again..."

"Excuse you?! Criminal Minds is a wonderful show and Dr. Spencer Reid is really hot!", you gasped jokingly. This was a recurring topic for you two, he jokingly bullied you for your taste in television shows and you returned the favor with his hobbies.

He rolled his eyes but had a grin on his face still. "Have you done anything nice today?", he then questioned kicking his feet up to get a little more relaxed after standing around for long doing interviews.

"Not really. Edited a few photos, scheduled some posts, replied to comments, you know, the usual.", you shrugged and got up to sit beside him. "Oh! I did read a new joke! What lies on the bottom of the ocean and twitches?"

"I don't know Y/N, but I'm sure you will tell me soon.", your best friend tilted his head watching you.

"A nervous wreck.", you replied with a giggle. It took a moment but Pierre did grin after a bit.

"Where do you always find those?", he laughed and shook his head.

"Online.", you grinned and pulled on his shoulder so his head landed in your lap. Raising your hands you started gently playing with his hair. You knew he loved that and it always helped him calm down.

"You really have to sleep more.", you mumbled and shook your head.

"I know I know... But you know I always sleep better with you beside me.", Pierre whispered back and looked at you out of the corner of his eyes.

"Text me then, I'll come over! You know, for purely selfish reasons... After all I don't want your mum to hate me if you have an accident because you're too tired.", you smiled and kept stroking his hair.

"Of course, we do wanna keep my mum happy.", he smiled knowing you way too well to believe your reasoning.

Ever since you were teenagers both of your mums hoped you would end up as a couple and well, it slowly did start to look that way.

"They tease me, you know? Daniel, Lando, even Lewis.", Pierre whispered after a while. You had actually thought he was asleep, but apparently he still had something on his chest.

"About what?", you frowned after he didn't continue speaking.

"You.", he laughed quietly confusing you even more. "You and me to be exact. They think we should be together by now and I obviously didn't tell them the truth. They would never let us hear the end of it."

"Do you think so? I think they would be happy for you. For us. Plus, I really just want to hold your hand and kiss you when we are around our friends.", you smiled softly making him look at you wide eyed. So far it had always been you that was against telling everyone of your friends, excluding Charles. Both of you just couldn't hide anything from him.

"Are you sure?", he asked with a small smile that widened further once he saw your nod.

"If you want, I'm ready to share us with the world. I love you and I know you love me too, so whenever you are ready.", you explained and gave him a gentle kiss.

"Do you think our mums will hate us if I post yesterdays photo on Instagram and don't tell them first?", he chuckled pulling his phone out of his pocket.

"I don't think so. I'm pretty certain they've known for months.", you laughed and kept stroking his hair while he typed on his phone.

Liked by y/n_dubois and 287.409 others

pierregasly: Two years, five months and 27 days. Not like I'm counting. I love you y/n_dubois

y/n_dubois: I love you so much mon amour <3

danielricciardo: I KNEW IT! HA! FINALLY!

-> landonorris: Mate! Read the caption!

-> danielricciardo: WAIT! What the hell?! You fooled us!

yukitsunoda0511: Couple goals! All the best for you two!

-> y/n_dubois: Thank you Yukino <3

-> yukitsunoda0511: You spend too much time with him.

charlesleclerc: My ship has sailed! pierregasly y/n_dubois

lewishamilton: Aww! All the best for you both! You are so cute together!

pyry.salmela: Congrats! This is no excuse to miss training though.

and 598 other comments

"Okay yeah, from the comments they are absolutely not going to let us see the end of this.", you chuckled while he still laid there with his head on your legs.

"Probably not, but at least we can show everyone how happy we are now.", Pierre smiled and gave you a soft kiss when the both of you heard a knock on the door. "Come in."

"Hey you two lovebirds.", Charles spoke as he entered the room with a grin and sat down on one of the chairs. "So, finally public hm?"

"I guess so.", Pierre laughed without sitting up and looked at his best friend.

"Charlotte was really excited when she saw the post.", Charles smiled and pulled his phone out of his pocket to show you the messages she had sent him earlier.

"Awww, this is so cute! You two really are our number one supporters.", you giggled after reading the texts and handed the phone back. "Should I also post something? What do you think?"

"That would be so cute ma petit fleur.", Pierre smiled only to hear Charles fake throw up besides the both of you.

"Disgusting.", he laughed only for you and Pierre to join right away.

Liked by pierregasly and 4.731 others

y/n_dubois: You are the people that have made me who I am today. The best things in life are better with you by my side. pierregasly Charles_leclerc charlottesiine

danielricciardo: I don't know which post is cuter. Your's or pierres

landonorris: How the heck were you able to hide this for so long when you are this cute?!

->y/n_dubois: Crazy right? I wonder myself honestly

charles_leclerc: disgusting.

->charlottesiine: 😂

->y/n_dubois: 😂

-> pierregasly: We love you too mate

lewishamilton: You two are really sweet together. Cant wait to see you more often!

[yuzurujenn]

[2024.07.19-2024.07.21] Yuzuru Hanyu: Interview two years after turning professional (Hochi)

Figure skater Yuzuru Hanyu (29), who marked two years since announcing his decision to turn pro on the 19th, agreed to an interview. He spoke at length about his two years as a professional, his present and the future, his fateful encounter with a program, and the "ideal" he is pursuing. We will be publishing Hanyu's words, who continues to evolve as an athlete and artist, for three consecutive days. The second and final instalment are a stand-alone interview. (Interviewer: Takagi Megumi)

Part 1:

Hanyu-san appeared dashingly at the studio in Sendai. As soon as he arrived, he started the interview by saying "Thank you." His quick thinking and agility were as good as ever. His black jersey looked good on him as always.

"Honestly, my first year as a professional was a bit of a trial-and-error state; I was constantly thinking about whether I should do this, whether I should do that, what I should do. But this (second year) has been a year in which I have clearly understood what I want to express, and what I want to do as a professional."

Though he was thoughtful at times and carefully choosing his words, he was smiling throughout the interview. Looking back on the past two years, his expression showed how contented he has become as a professional.

It all started with a one-man show “Prologue”. “GIFT,” the first solo Tokyo Dome performance by a skater in history, lasted two and a half hours in which he skated alone. In "RE_PRAY", the second instalment of the ice story following "GIFT", he took on his first national tour.

"In the second year, with 'RE_PRAY', the ice story was completely formed. I think the big thing about the second year was that I was able to properly establish what pieces existed in the story and what kind of story I wanted to tell."

He wrote the story himself, served as executive producer, and performed "Ice Story" by himself. With "RE_PRAY," he created a new form of entertainment that combines gaming and skating.

"It's the same when I choreograph various programs, but I think that the essence of what I want to express is always the idea of 'living' and the constant presence of something like a 'prayer' towards 'living'."

He has changed the concept of a professional skater. He can perform quadruple jumps and perform programs in a variety of genres. His evolution as an athlete and an artist continues in his third season.

"I have finally established the foundation for what I want to do, so as an extension of that, I am wondering how I can improve my skills in terms of expression. In order to convey myself, I believe that I cannot improve my level unless I have a strong technical foundation, as I have always said since my competitive days. I feel that my third year will be a time when I will be working on improving both my technique and my physical strength."

He will be turning 30 in December. He says that his present life is different from the future he envisioned as a teenager. He was supposed to have turned professional after the 2018 Pyeongchang Olympics and retire from skating in his 20s.

"The way my stamina and technique have developed is completely different from what I had imagined, but it gives me a real sense of how much more I can achieve, and a sense of great potential for the future. I now feel that humans can achieve much more than I had thought."

He won consecutive Olympic gold medals in Pyeongchang and after his third Olympic Games in Beijing, he turned professional. He had an incredibly intense 20s. What will his 30s be like? "Nothing in particular has changed," he continued, tilting his head.

"While still cherishing who I am, I think that showing my skills and facing skating are a big part of what makes me happy. I want to always have within myself a reason for my existence, a meaning to the past 30 years for everyone. It's not just because my fans watch me, or because skating is all I have, but I want to create more clearly within myself the core of my life in my 30s."

Skating with soul. "Pursuing the ideal," he wrote on his coloured paper. The story of professional skater Yuzuru Hanyu has just begun.

-What have the past two years been like since you turned professional?

"As an athlete, I have really thought about many things in a stoic way up until now. Of course, this is true in terms of technique, but I think I have always been thinking about victory in particular. To be honest, in my first year as a professional, I was feeling my way around; I spent the whole year constantly thinking about whether I should do this, whether I should do that, what I should do. I think this (second year) has been the year in which I have clearly understood what I want to express, and what I want to do as a professional."

-What have you come to understand clearly?

"In the first year, I had 'Prologue,' and I was feeling my way around whether I could skate solo. I was also working on 'GIFT' at the same time. At the time, I wanted to write my own story, and I wanted the audience to experience how the programs they had seen up until then would change as they watched them. This was something I had vaguely thought about since my competitive days. I was able to make this a reality in my first year. In my second year, I had 'RE_PRAY,' and I felt like I had completely formed the ice story. It wasn't just about trying to figure out how to skate by myself or changing perspectives by putting what I wanted to express into a story. I think the big thing about my second year was that I was able to properly establish that this story has these pieces, and that this is the story I would like to convey."

-What kind of year will your third year be?

"I have finally established a foundation for what I want to do, so as an extension of that, I am wondering how I can improve my skills in terms of expression. As for conveying myself, I have always said since my competitive days that I can't improve my level without having strong technique as a foundation. I feel that my third year will be a time when I will be working on improving both my technique and my physical strength."

-Memories from the past two years?

"There are a lot, of course. I can't really say just one, but I've had so many different, precious experiences. Most recently, the completion of "RE_PRAY". I had that feeling that it was received well. I'm currently in the middle of the production process (laughs). It's my motivation to keep working hard, it's my driving force."

-Are you currently working on any new projects?

"I've been creating new programs and other things. I've started digging deeper into what I want to express. Because I've been working alone for so long, the emotions that come out of me tend to be biased. My ideas haven't fundamentally changed that much, so my repertoire hasn't expanded that much. But I do feel that my experiences with 'RE_PRAY' and other such things are the driving force behind the birth of new emotions and new expressions."

-Will Ice Story continue to create themes by asking itself these questions? 　

"Whether it was when I was creating 'RE_PRAY,' or when I was choreographing programs like 'Goliath,' 'Aqua,' and others, I think that at the core of what I want to express is the idea of 'living,' and the constant presence of something like a 'prayer' towards 'living.' So, what I want to convey on top of that and what I want to dig deeper into may affect the way I present myself depending on the program at hand."

-You'll be turning 30 in December. How does it compare to how you imagined your 30 would be?

"When I was 18 or 16, to be honest, I imagined I probably wouldn't be skating anymore by 30 (laughs). I would turn professional at 24 immediately after the Pyeongchang Olympics, and I thought I'd be active for about five years and then be done with skating. But the way I've developed my stamina and technique is completely different from what I imagined, and I feel a real sense of realization that I can still do so much, and a great sense of possibility for the future. Right now, I feel that humans can still do much more than I thought."

-What kind of person do you want to be in your 30s?

"Nothing has changed in particular. However, the more I polish my way of expression and the more time I spend constantly practicing and facing myself, the stronger my sense of self is becoming, and I feel like my foundation is becoming more and more established. In this way, I will continue to cherish myself in my 30s. But I think that showing my skills and facing skating is a big part of what makes me happy. I want to always have a reason for my existence, a reason for living for the past 30 years. Not just because my fans watch me, or because skating is all I have, but I want to create a clearer core for myself in my 30s."

Part 2:

It has been two years since figure skater Yuzuru Hanyu (29) announced his professional debut on the 19th. In the second part, he spoke to Sports Hochi in an exclusive interview about his "fateful encounter" with a certain program. (Interviewer: Megumi Takagi)

-Does time pass differently now compared to when you were an athlete?

"When I was a competing athlete, I could just keep thinking about things like building my physique or practicing skating. But when I'm creating something or choreographing a program or doing things like that, I don't have time to just practice. So, I thought, 'I won’t be able to practice during this period, so I'll just try to maintain it’, or ‘I'll try to keep it to a certain level, and since I'm currently in the production period, it can't be helped if I cut down on sleep.' I want to provide something good, and when I think about all sorts of things, I can't sleep. To begin with, I'm the kind of person who tends to live an unhealthy lifestyle (laughs). I know I should sleep more for my skating, or eat more of this or that, but it just keeps falling apart."

-How much sleep do you get?

"It depends on the day. If I feel like I can't take it anymore, sometimes I'll sleep for eight or nine hours straight, and sometimes I fall asleep without realising it. On the other hand, there are also days when I'm awake all day. It's normal to stay up all night even though there's no need to. But it's at times like those that stories are born. It's hard to put into words. It's not that different from writing lyrics or composing music. I guess that's just how it is. I've accepted it and thought that this is just my style." 　

-During the rehearsals for "Notte Stellata" in March, you said you were "nervous about the new program."

"Of course, I felt nervous about performing it in front of everyone for the first time, wondering if I’ll make a mistake or if everything will be okay, but if anything, I thought it's great, and the people around also thought it's great. But when that circle expands from me to people who are close to me, and then to my fans and to the general public, honestly I'm really scared about what people will think. People have completely different values, and there's no doubt that the impression people get when they hear a program or a song is different for each person. So I do feel a bit scared that it may go in the wrong direction."

-How have you felt about that over the past two years?

"I've created a lot of programs, including 'RE_PRAY', and it makes me happy to see that people have different preferences for the programs they like. Some people say they like my self-choreographed programs, and others say they prefer programs that are properly choreographed by a choreographer. Some people say they prefer programs that are more like traditional figure skating, and conversely, some people prefer programs that are more over-the-top, like 'MEGALOVANIA', so it really varies. That's also one of my strengths. I'm really happy that everyone has different interpretations of the programs and likes them."

-What programs would you like to try in the future?

"I actually want to make a 15-minute program, but I'm worried it might be difficult."

-Is that a physical thing?

"Of course, it's physically demanding. For example, even if I don't jump that much, I don't want it to become boring. I want to create something with so-called contemporary movements, but I don't think I can keep up."

-There’s a concept.

"I have a vague idea, but I'm not sure if I can go that far yet. I don’t know. I haven't found a song that I want to skate to yet. I just don’t think I’ve found a song that I want to skate to for 15 or 20 minutes."

-"Danny Boy" (※1) has a more empathetic and gentler feel than ever before. Is this due to the fact that your range of expression has expanded over the past two years, or is it a change from within?

"I do feel like I've become able to express emotions that were already there in new ways. That's true when I skate to 'Notte' (Notte stellata) or 'Spring' (Come, Spring). I've been able to express things like compassion or prayer through the melody, the way I use my hands, the way I use my upper body, and so on. Up until now, I've been doing classical, pop, and instrumental pieces, and 'Come, Spring' was originally a pop song. This time, I used a jazz melody, which was something I hadn't done before, and I think the biggest difference is that I feel like I've finally become able to do it. Of course, I think part of it is that I'm getting older and becoming more mature, but I feel like I’m catching up a bit in the way I use my body to express that, and in my thought processes."

-"Danny Boy" was recommended to you by Hoshino Gen.

"That's right. I met Gen-san (※2) on the show and he said, ‘This is a good song’. At that moment, I had a feeling that this was it. I decided almost immediately that I was going to skate to this song."

-Did it come easily?

"It's hard to find songs that inspire me and songs that, when I first listen to them, I can imagine myself standing there and skating to them. I've been searching really hard for songs, but it's not easy to find one. But that song just came to me. I had a feeling that this was it. The melody was not something I could choreograph by myself, and I felt that this song needed to be skated over and over again to mature, so I immediately thought of David (Wilson, ※3) and asked him for help. It was a quick development with the song, and I felt like it was a fateful encounter."

[※1] Performed by Keith Jarrett. Debuted at "Yuzuru Hanyu Notte Stellata 2024" in March this year. [※2] He appeared as a guest on Hoshino Gen's show "Ogen-san's Sabusuku-do" (NHK, broadcast last August). He played the role of "Ogen-san's younger brother" and talked about music. [※3] Canadian choreographer. Choreographed "Romeo and Juliet" for the free skating at Sochi Olympics, "Notte Stellata," and "Spring, Come", among others.

Part 3:

The final episode of an exclusive interview with figure skater Yuzuru Hanyu (29), who announced his professional debut two years ago on the 19th. He talked about "full effort," "mind, technique, and body," and his "ideal" as an athlete. (Interviewer: Megumi Takagi)

-During a press conference for "RE_PRAY," you said, "I can still improve the composition."

"Originally, in practice, I was practicing 'Messenger of Ruin' with the final axel as a 3A3T (a triple 1/2-triple toe loop combination jump). Sometimes I would also practice the first toe loop in the second half as a 4T3T (a quadruple toe loop-triple toe loop combination jump). I probably wouldn't be able to do it in a real performance, but I was practicing it as a way to build up my stamina and improve my skills. I had some time to spare, so I thought I'd like to do it if possible. I tried it on the final day of the Miyagi performance, and there were some flaws. I guess I was hoping that if I practiced more, I'd be able to do it."

-Will there be a composition as difficult as that (※1) this season as well?

"I would like to do it. However, I think the composition will be completely different depending on what I want to express. Is the challenge a quadruple jump, or something more physically difficult? Also, I think the way it is presented will be completely different depending on whether I am challenging myself expressively. If possible, I would like to improve the composition. However, when it comes to a tour, I wonder if I am really 100% confident that I can deliver something good to everyone. I think it is necessary to always consider the balance and make sure I am not overestimating myself."

-It was the same in the ice shows and exhibitions when you were competing, and of course it's still the same now. Why are you able to give it your all every time?

"On the contrary, I feel more uncomfortable if I don’t give it my all. Performing in front of people is in itself something that may or may not please them, but in that moment, it may also be a catalyst for a change in someone’s life, even if just a little. If it were my own performance, I don't think I could show a half-hearted performance."

-Is that always the case?

"Always. I think I've been like that since I was little. I think my physical ability is pretty high, but if I didn't give it my all, I wouldn't reach that level. Therefore, I had to remove that limiter and try to catch up with my sister (Hanyu started skating because of his sister, who is four years older than him) or try to reach her level, since I couldn’t get that far unless I gave it my all. For example, when I was a novice and I couldn't jump the triple or double axel properly. Other kids could jump them, but I was flexible, didn't have much muscle strength, and wasn't blessed with a body that was so good in terms of explosive power, but when I thought about wanting to be better than everyone else, or wanting to catch up with everyone else, that's why I kept giving it my all. I removed my limiter more than other people. Because I didn't want to lose. I wanted to be praised (laughs). So, removing the limiter is normal for me probably from a young age. I have an older sister, so there’s always someone at home to aspire to. So, I guess I had to remove the limiter in everything. And now I have a sense of responsibility. Because I am Yuzuru Hanyu, the question of how far I can go in my pursuit is gradually coming into play and giving it meaning. If I were to talk about my childhood, I think that's probably what it was like."

[※1] In "RE_PRAY"'s "Messenger of Ruin," he completed a highly difficult routine just like in a competition, including a single quadruple Salchow and toe loop, five consecutive quadruple toe loops, and two triple axels.

-How do you increase your concentration before a performance?

"In my case, theoretically, I think that if I can get excited or create a situation that I find enjoyable, I will naturally be able to concentrate. So, although I don't sing it out loud, I think that getting into music is what turns on my concentration switch. It's like my blood gets pumping, or like the switch in my brain changes. I guess it's the song, the music."

-You are still a complete athlete. Athletes often use the phrase "Shin-Gi-Tai” *," but where does ‘mind, technique, and body’ fit into your perspective, Hanyu-san?

"In the end, I think there's no point if you can't find a balance. If you excel in one area… For example, if your heart becomes very strong at one point, but your technique is not strong enough to match the size of your heart, then the heart itself will probably be destroyed and you will be swallowed up. So you definitely need the technique to express your heart. Even if you spread that heart and technique widely, if you don't have the physical strength, if your body itself isn't functioning well, then you will be swallowed up by your technique and your heart. In the end, I think if you really want to level up, you have to make everything bigger."

*心技体 (Shin-gi-tai) – Shin = mind/heart, Gi= skills/technique, Tai = physique/body

-What is an athlete?

"Now, I have the opportunity to work in various professional fields and have more opportunities to come into contact with people whom I really respect, I think that the people I consider to be the very best are all athletes. For example, there is the NHK programme ‘The Professionals’, and people like that are really athletes. Personally, I think the way they use their time, or the way they use their heart and soul, to achieve a certain goal or ideal is what makes them athletes. I don't know whether to call that an athlete or a professional, but that's how I've always been since my competitive days. I think that's what I would like to call myself, an athlete."

-You've often used the word "ideal" since the latter half of your competitive days. It sounds like a declaration of determination not to compromise on that.

"The reason I started talking about my 'ideal' towards the end of my competitive days was because, well… To be honest, I wanted to perform a certain way, but after all, it didn’t always lead to positive evaluation. That's when I decided to shift towards pursuing my ideal."

-Perhaps around Autumn Classic?

"The most significant was Autumn, I guess…Autumn 2019…? At that time, I had no choice but to reconsider and realise that the most important thing was to do what I wanted to do and perform the kind of performance I was aiming for, rather than worrying about scores. I felt that this was equal to making the fans happy. From then on, I am still on that same path. After I become a professional skater, I have to pursue it even more. Because I am skating for the fans. The ideal is getting higher and higher, and I am chasing that ideal."

Post-interview notes:

Last year, one year after turning professional, Hanyu-san sent a message to his fans to Sports Hochi. "I will continue to strive for my ideal and continue to constantly renew that ideal," he wrote. I think that this past year has been exactly like that.

The path he should take must have become clearer now. His expression was bright and full of contentment. We asked him to write down his aspiration for his third year on a coloured paper. He wrote, "Pursuing the 'ideal’”. "I'm skating for my fans, so the ‘ideal’ will get higher and higher," he said. Beautiful skating that blends in with the music. A range of expression that can only be achieved with advanced technique. I hope that Hanyu-san will continue to cherish the "ideal" skating that he has carefully cultivated. (Takagi Megumi)

Source: 1. https://hochi.news/articles/20240718-OHT1T51180.html?page=1 2. https://hochi.news/articles/20240718-OHT1T51181.html?page=1 3. https://hochi.news/articles/20240719-OHT1T51148.html?page=1 4. https://hochi.news/articles/20240719-OHT1T51151.html?page=1 5. https://hochi.news/articles/20240720-OHT1T51200.html?page=1 6. https://hochi.news/articles/20240720-OHT1T51199.html?page=1

[cable-knit-sweater]

I watched this interview of Sebastian where he talks about meeting some fans in Berlin back in 2015 when they were shooting Civil War. Apparently that was their last day in Berlin and Seb was done early so he had gone back to the hotel and Joe Russo texted him telling him that some fans had been waiting outside all day to meet him. And Seb being the sweet man that he is actually went out to meet them. Do you ever think about how Chris might have fallen for Seb when he heard about that

Hi!!

I love that moment - Sebastian is such a sweetheart 🥺🥰 And I love your question - I think a lot about it actually, when things happened and feelings developed.

I’m not sure if this specific moment is when it happened, but it just as well could be. We all know how the CW era was special for them- just look at my Civil War Press Honeymoon tag 😂

But I do think it’s one of the reasons. Maybe not that night, but just the fact that Sebastian is such a sweetheart to everyone. Chris has mentioned it enough times, and the way he says it, tells me a lot 🥺

I have countless theories on how it could’ve happened during CA:TFA, CA:TWS, CA:CW, and even after.

But if this were the moment that it happened? Some thoughts below the cut.

//

I think Chris would hear about what Seb had done, maybe from one of the Russo’s, maybe from Mackie, and when he hears it he just automatically grab his chest like he does whenever he talks about Sebastian like this. He’s not even sure why he does it, it’s just because it’s a big feeling and doing this makes it easier to process, when he can’t express things in words and just has to feel.

Chris doesn’t think anything of it, at first. He’s pretty sure he’s just feeling fond of Sebastian, like he often does. It’s hard not to, he thinks, with the way Sebastian is just so fucking sweet to everyone. It’s like watching a puppy. That’s all.

But then he talks to Sebastian the next day, and asks him about it as they’re hanging out before their flights. Sebastian ducks his head a little, and mumbles something about them waiting all day and it’s the least he could do, and the feeling returns in full force, almost punching the breath out of Chris. He just stares at Sebastian, takes all of him in, and the feeling doesn’t go away, it just burns right there under the surface, bright and warm and overwhelming.

He doesn’t say anything. Doesn’t know what to say.

“Do you think I shouldn’t have?” Sebastian asks, scrunching his nose adorably, when Chris stays silent.

He doesn’t ever want Sebastian to feel like he should act any different. “No, no, I think- I think it’s sweet, must’a meant the world to them,” he says, and if you’d ask him later, he wouldn’t really remember what he says next, if he says anything at all.

Chris’s brain is too busy trying to figure out what it all means to have any recollection of what’s said next. Thinking about what those feelings mean. It’s a lie. He knows what they mean, he’s just not sure he can wrap his head around it. They’ve been friends for so long now, working together on these 3 movies.

He won’t lie to himself and say he’s not thought Sebastian was attractive, or thought he was an incredible human being, but this is different. This is very different. And he doesn’t know what to do.

“Chris?” Sebastian asks, a hand on his shoulder. “You okay?”

“Huh?” Chris replies, blinking until Sebastian comes back into focus.

“You zoned out a little. And you keep touching your chest, are you okay, are you hurt?”

Chris blinks again. “I’m sorry, I’m fine, just thinking,” he says, giving Seb a dumb smile.

“That does sound like it would hurt,” Sebastian replies.

Chris chuckles, and pushes at Sebastian. “You asshole,” he says.

“I think I might be in love with you,” he thinks.

//

So there it is lol, I seem incapable of giving normal lengthy answers to these questions 😂 Thanks again for your ask, and I hope you have a wonderful weekend! 💗

[cynicalruins]

Changérion Bible - Aizawa Kazunari interview

Translation by Windii, scans by me

(Spoiler alert for a few episodes)

Hayami Katsuhiko is a just and handsome hero cadet who failed to become the righteous hero Changéríon. He is a hot-blooded and frank guy with seriousness as his strong point, but he is quite a klutz. He is supposed to save the day, but is instead saved, and he partners up with Akira in an odd but funny two-man team before he knows it, yet he's a superhero who dreams big… In reality, however, he is an aggressive and fiery young man who moved to Tokyo when he was drunk.

"I honestly can't believe that Changéríon was such a memorable work for so many people."

-Like Hayami, who played the role in the past, he says so with a mysterious look on his face. However, contrary to his own feelings, he says he is still receiving feedback from various sources.

"The other day, I was participating in a theater workshop."

-It was a full-fledged one, inviting a teacher from England for professionals.

"There were about 10 participants, some of whom were from Bungeiza, Daisan Erotica, and former members of Yume no Yuuminsha, so it was quite exciting. On the last day, one of them told me that they had seen Changéríon. I was surprised. They seemed to have been thinking for a long time about when they were going to say it, since it was the last day. That's when I realized that someone had seen it."

-It was the same thing on stage.

"Sometimes people who have been fans since the Changéríon days come to watch me, which is kind of incredible."

-He confesses that he never intended to become an actor in the first place.

"I know I'm being cheeky, but I just didn't like the normal routine."

-It all started with a movie. He happened to see a film on holiday that was so romantic and interesting that he wanted to play such a role.

"The name of the work is too faddist, so I won't tell you. But I like romantic stories. That's why I often watch romantic movies."

-He was born and raised in Miyagi Prefecture. After graduating from high school, he took it for granted that he would work for a local company.

"That was a very nice place to work, everyone was kind, and I was blessed."

-He was assigned to a factory. He wore a uniform and did the same work day in and day out.

"…I am embarrassed to say this, but one day I saw my reflection in the glass as I was working in my uniform. I am now living with my parents, and I can see a future where I will get a wife, build a house, and have children. And I wondered if that was what I wanted."

-He went for a drink with agonizing thoughts and then went straight into action.

"I drank until morning and took the bullet train to Tokyo first thing in the morning (laughs)."

-It was truly an "impulse."

"One thing I remember very well was the news of the Iraqi invasion of Kuwait that was playing at Tokyo Station. It was still early in the morning, but people were gathering around the TVs in the storefronts, and I wondered what was going on. Oh, it's war, they said."

-That day the Gulf War broke out. Unbeknownst to others, his life also changed dramatically.

"That was when I was 20 or 21. I moved in and lived at my senior's house for a while, but my parents scolded me. They said, "It's your choice to go to Tokyo, but you should do the bare minimum as a human being," and that was a good point. I had no more money, so I went back to my parents' house to visit my workplace and sell my car to make money… It was a great place to work, and I still feel bad about it, and I am grateful to my parents for not stopping me."

-Thus, he finally arrived in Tokyo. However, even at that point, he did not have a firm goal in mind.

"Since I was tall, I had been told since high school that I should model, so I decided to try modeling in Tokyo. So I looked at magazines and looked for an agency… Then I saw a movie, and I had a goal of becoming an actor. I guess I couldn't allow myself to make an escape route, so I gave up on the modeling agency. But I didn't know how to become an actor, so I asked for introductions and auditions. When you are alone in Tokyo, you have to help yourself to survive, so in that sense it is a tough city, although you can get by with your own efforts."

-However, he decided to live here.

Scouted out in the hallway?! First serial drama!

"I went to Toei's headquarters with my office manager to say hello."

-It was on the production floor, where the desks of the producers belonging to the company were lined up.

"While the manager was greeting the executives, I was waiting in the hallway and my shoelace came undone, so I had to sit down and tie it back on."

-Then a man appeared (he seemed to be a very important guy).

"He suddenly asked me who I was, and when I told him I was an actor, he said, 'I see, now come with me.'"

-He didn't know why, but he was called in for an audition for Racing Squadron Carranger that was being prepared at the time. Unfortunately, he was too tall to fit in with the other members and was rejected. He then decided to take on Super Shining Soldier Changéríon.

"When I received the script for the first episode, I thought that if it was going to be a choice between Akira and Hayami, I should be Hayami because of my personality. I heard that the two of them were competing with each other until the very end, but they decided on me at the last minute."

-However, he confesses that he did not really feel it.

"I mean, I was readily selected to appear in a serialized drama series, and I wondered if it would be so quick and easy."

-However, after that, he ended up having to work very hard (laughs).

Changéríon was a "playground"

"At first, Hayami was supposed to be more cool and carry the shadow of not being a hero. But before I knew it, he turned out to be such a serious fool."

-It was your own fault, said scriptwriter Inoue at the time, or not (laughs).

"I guess it's my fault. I was often told by Mr. Shirakura and Mr. Inoue that Hayami was not really this kind of guy. It is true that I was a bit aware of it, and there was a part of me that got carried away. It was my first acting job, and I had the strength of not knowing, you could say, or the feeling that it would be fine if it was funny. And I went overboard."

-However, his fearless vigor has created an image of Hayami as a hot-blooded, upright, stubborn, and good-natured person. In episode 9 "The Radiant Hayami!", for example, he transforms into the long-sought Changéríon in place of Akira, but his good-naturedness causes the dark creature, who begs him to change his ways, to flee. The hero is unable to wield his sword in the face of the apologetic opponent… Akira was an unconventional hero too, but is it our imagination that Hayami has also created a stir in the image of heroes of the past? Indeed, a hero is a being who slaughters his enemies in the name of justice. The antithesis of this attitude seems to have led to the current Kamen Rider Ryuuki.

"I feel that Mr. Inoue and Mr. Shirakura have successfully created an amusement park or, well, a more primitive park or playground for us. It's like we were just playing there. For example, "We made swings. But this is a swing set, so how would you play on it?" So we all thought hard about what we would do. We were really just having fun playing. If you could see the antithesis of that, I think it was because Mr. Shirakura and Mr. Inoue were so great."

-The only regret he has is that the program, which he says he played around in with all his might, was terminated in the middle of the cour. To be precise, it was not cancelled, but rather not renewed for a fourth cour, which was a shock to him since he thought it would continue.

"I guess I wanted more of a sense of convergence from everyone, because it ended without any. But now I think that last episode was good. The idea of a loop between a carefree daily life and a serious battlefield is amazing, isn't it? But I also think that maybe that's the way life is. As for myself, I wanted to settle things as Hayami. I think Hayami has always been a guy with a very negative attitude, thinking that he was supposed to be the one to make it. Just as it would have been nice to have a hero who was not cool and had no sense of justice, which Akira symbolized, it would have been nice to have someone with darker thoughts. Likewise, I think it would have been okay for Kuroiwa (Ogawa Atsushi) to be a villain and still fall in love with Eri (Kochihira Chika). …When you think about it like that, it was certainly a work that broke a lot of stereotypes."

-Hayami, who was in the midst of a conflict, however, finally achieves his longed-for transformation in episode 32 "Enter the Second Warrior!"… but this is Changéríon, after all, and Hayami transforms by eating dried plums (is he Suppaman?).

"For a long time, there were rumors. I wondered how it would turn out, and then it happened (laughs). I like the fact that Hayami is unaware of it, it's just like him."

-We asked him about his memorable episodes.

"I was happy to see the transformation. The scene where he eats Chief Munakata's seed of darkness and gets down on his knees saying, "That was delicious!" was funny. Then there was the scene where Akira and I switched places in "The Radiant Hayami!" That was a difficult episode. We were looking at each other and laughing, thinking, "This is not how it's supposed to be!" From that time on, I learned to do small acts in the frame, and we would restlessly do things together in the background. And the dubbing was separate, so it was mostly wasted (laughs)."

-What he did not like was dubbing.

"I hated it. When I saw the first episode, I thought it was so robotic. I thought that was so bad. I had a very hard time getting into the right mood for each episode."

-It was also around this time that he received his first fan letter.

"There was a one-time event called 'Cinefan' at Toei's Ooizumi Studios, and I wasn't scheduled to perform, but I went for one day and was surprised by the huge crowd. It was the first time for me to see fans in person, and I was surprised and happy to be called Hayami by a little kid, which was a strange feeling. I didn't really feel like I was playing the hero. I was more like "Detective Story" or "Tired Detective," which Akira likes, and we had said we would do something like that. So I was unexpectedly happy."

What Aizawa, an actor, thinks

"This job is more often hard and painful than fun, and there are more times when I don't do well, but sometimes I feel very fulfilled, and I want to savor it even more. At the time of Changéríon, I didn't think about these things, I was just playing like crazy, and I probably didn't wake up until later. But I learned a lot of things to wake up. Akira really has something that only he can do. I was very jealous of him because he had something that I could never have… but I was sure that there was a role that only I could play, so I decided to find it, because no matter what I played, I would always be me. I left because I didn't want to live a normal life, but at my age, when I interact with people from different professions, I often find myself empathizing with them, and I think that being an actor is not special. I hope that this will be a source of fertilizer. For me, Changéríon is like a "park where I went to during elementary school." I remember playing in the mud in the daytime, and I remember the dusk and the night scenery—If I had to give a word to my fans… I would say thank you. That's all I have to say."

-Thank you for a good time, too. We thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

Akira & Hayami

Akira: The snakeskin jacket I'm wearing in Kamen Rider (Asakura) right now is my own. Hayami: Oh, I've seen it before! Akira: It's in my room, you know? I'm not wearing it outside. Hayami: No, I saw it outside! You were walking around with it on. Akira: You're lying! Totally lying! Hayami: Just kidding. ♡ Akira: (laughs) You know, I was thinking that if you found out that I was playing a Rider wearing such a thing, you would say, "Akira, what the heck… I'm so upset!" (*) Hayami: You're right (laughs). Rider, huh? I'm so sad, Akira. Akira: Actually, I know you're worried. ♡

Hayami: At the time, I was just so absorbed in things, so I'm glad that people still remember me after 6 years like this. Akira: Yes. But now, when I hear people say that my acting has improved as a rider, I'm like, "What?!" But it's true, we weren't very good at acting (laughs). The director would joke that if we were better, we would be able to do the long takes on camera, and the cutaways were very detailed. Hayami: Yes, there was a time when I was quite particular about getting a long take someday. Akira: Then, in the middle of the series, Director Konaka started making long takes of your scenes. Hayami: That made the acting more exciting. Then, I would make mistakes and get yelled at. Akira: And I get depressed (laughs). And it shows on my face. I can't smile when I should be smiling, and that's not good. Hayami: But I know that he is angry with me with love. I'm going to do my best.

Hayami: We've been talking about making a movie together for a long time, but it's not easy. Akira: But I would love to make a film! Let's really make it happen. *Editor's note: Actually, there was an initial plan for Hayami to visit Akira's Rider shooting site to correct his ways (?) as a hero. But unfortunately, it did not come true.

Aizawa Kazunari: Born August 1, 1969 in Miyagi Prefecture. After working as a model, he was scouted (?) in the hallway of Toei's headquarters and auditioned, making his debut as Super Shining Soldier Changéríon's Hayami Katsuhiko. Since then, he has been active in film and stage. He appeared in the movie "Dolls" directed by Kitano Takeshi, which will be released in the fall, and in the movie "SEMI" directed by Yokoi Kenji, which will be released at the end of the year.

[dearestones]

Muscle Memory Part Four (Azul Ashengrotto and Reader)

Warnings: Exploration of merfolk culture, elaboration on certain aspects of canon lore,mentions of bullying and discrimination,twi etc. 

@lottieinlimbo Request: Hi Devin!!! Congratulations on the 750 followers :D!! Your writing is incredible, you have more than earned your success!!!! I’m here to steal the final request slot! There were a lot of cool prompts that would have been fascinating with multiple characters, it was hard to choose! But I’m thinking “why did you help me?” With Azul could be really fun, maybe something platonic? I’m really excited to see what you do with this, congrats again on 750 followers!!

.

.

.

The classic mer was holed up in quarantine with security native to the euphotic zone of the Coral Sea keeping watch. Despite how quickly your supervisor discharged him from the program and separated him from all of the groups, you knew that it would take a few days before he could be cleared to go home. It was a matter of bureaucracy: your supervisor, Soren, and yourself had to make sure that all of your bases were covered. No one wanted to risk angering any of the merfolk from any parts of the oceanic zones, especially those who hailed from the deeper, darker parts of the ocean.

Furthermore, all three of you had to contend with the investigation of the matter, particularly where Azul was concerned.

Apparently, the male classic mer had accused Azul of sabotaging or bullying Adria from staying until the end of the course. (That was completely absurd! You may not have personally known Adria, but from the brief experience of teaching her how to tread water and tolerate the pain of transformation, there was more than enough evidence to show that she was not ready for such dramatic changes in lifestyle).  

Testimonies from a variety of merfolk—both from predator and prey—revealed that Azul Ashengrotto mostly spent time by himself and if he wasn't swimming up to the surface by himself or taking down notes in one of the grottos, he was flanked by two eel merfolk. In fact, those very same eel merfolk were adamant in trying to swim and save their friend, risking antagonizing Soren and had ended up getting entangled in their instructor’s restraining enchantments.

Soren would then tell you that upon reviewing all of the merfolk's profiles, the Leech twins and Azul were supposed to attend Night Raven College by the next school year. A coincidence? Perhaps not, they were all schoolmates in the Coral Sea, so it must have been a case of childhood friends (or something close to the fact when you remembered Azul calling friends "associates").

It was a strange thing: predator and prey beastfolk were arguably friendlier than the relationship between predator and prey merfolk, but you paid that no mind. Even the other merfolk noted that Azul was more than fine to be left alone with the Leeches during mealtimes or whenever they were supposed to rest after their sessions.

Further investigation also revealed that the male classic mer had a history of antagonizing predator merfolk in his hometown, which was astonishing since everyone should have been vetted beforehand. It was outrageous and revealed how discriminatory classic mers towards animalistic merfolk, but you knew that it couldn't be helped. Cultural biases and stigma were things that you could neither control nor stop. However, you noted in the margins of your case notes that some of the assembled mers, particularly the angler fish and other predator species, were distinctly uncomfortable and even apprehensive when they talked about the bullying that occurred.

Another thing to note: throughout all of the accounts submitted, it appeared that only the Leech twins were willing to stick up for Azul.

When you asked Soren what his thoughts were regarding the situation, he shrugged and leaned back in his chair. "I know we had to visit a few sites so we could acclimate to the culture and actually interact and interview various species of mer, but it's kinda like trying to gauge the political climate of the beastfolk or even among mostly human populations. It's all nuanced and there are generations of instincts and primal drives that they have to contend with. Although, if I were to dumb down the situation, I guess we could chalk it up to stress, hormones, and prejudice?" He shook his head. "Any luck talking to Azul? The twins told me... some things, but it's better to get word from the victim himself."

"He's not a victim," you couldn't help but say. Somehow, that word rubbed you the wrong way. Azul wasn't a victim. He was... You didn't know how to describe it, but it wasn't as if he was some passive doll that lay there while he had been beaten and bullied.

There was... a hidden kindness and compassion to him. He refused to hit back and even tried to defuse the situation by trying to put some distance between him and the classic mer, even if it cost him some deep scratches upon his arms.

(Gashes, Soren had told you earlier. They were deep enough to be gashes).

"Well, what do you call it when you're bleeding and rendered pretty much mute because one of your classmates bullied you?"

You thought back to Shelley, how she had a hard time making friends after moving so far away from her native homeland, how she fought to get a place in land boot camp, and the shine in her eyes whenever you decided to surprise her with a human made object.

And then you thought of the cecaelia who was currently huddled in his assigned grotto, magical poultices carefully applied onto his octopus arms, chest, and on his face.

"A survivor," you concluded. "If his treatment was so harsh even under the jurisdiction of a government facility, how much worse could it have been when he was a small child in his hometown?"

Your fellow intern's eyes widened as he pondered your train of thought.

"I think... The worst part of it, actually," he murmured, "is that he's still a child."

Later on, after you filed all of the paperwork and helped Soren tuck away the equipment and take in inventory of all the potions needed—you had to send in a request to another department to replace the water breathing potion and to replenish the medkit that Soren used—you decided to forgo going back to your dorm. 

It was late and word had spread like wildfire inside the facility. A few interns around your age sent you sympathetic looks and even a security guard—someone you only knew in passing—had even asked if you were all right. There was also a smattering of whispers of what was going to happen to the classic mer and if there was going to be retaliation from his family or worse, from the merfolk's government, but you were too drained to even think about politics.

Despite what most people thought, other land boot camps had similar rates of infighting among the mers, despite attempts to mediate and segregate threats. It was simply a matter of cultural differences. Most land dwellers were not as desensitized to violence as the majority of merfolk.

But desensitization to violence didn't make it right.

You strolled outside after telling the security guard that you needed some fresh air. 

As an intern at this particular location, you were already well aware of the paths around this tiny island. Some of them led up to a relatively small mountain that some of your more athletic peers would hike on during the weekends. Another one led to the main port where boats from the mainland would drop off potions ingredients, fresh interns, and supplies for the next two weeks. However, despite these options, you decided to head to the boardwalk where you held your sessions. 

Like yesterday, there was algae floating upon the surface. Every time there was a disturbance, they would glow bright blue and illuminate the dark expanse that was the ocean. Sighing with relief that you were no longer surrounded by the rumor mill and the exhausted expressions of your colleagues, you shucked off your shoes and dipped your feet into the water. At your touch, some algae glowed before eventually settling into its dormant state of darkness. 

Above, the moon was waning, but still full enough to look circular and bright in the sky. 

You were tired and somewhat stressed from the day’s events. Now that the adrenaline had run its course, you wanted nothing more than to slump into your bed and sleep the night away. However, the water called to you. It wasn’t that unusual; often, when you were younger, you would sneak outside to bemoan your worries about first crushes, tests, or other mundane anxieties that plagued your adolescence to Shelley. She’d tease you for being so melodramatic and open about your personal life, but she was always there to comfort you or to make you laugh with her own anecdotes. 

However, she was interning at another land boot camp situated near the Land of the Red Dragon. When she had settled, she had said that it was weird to see her homeland (well, a site close to her spawning site) from a land dweller’s perspective. She was a native from the waters bordering the country, but she mostly interacted with the locals who decided to swim or ride boats on the water. Actually walking on land and seeing what surface dwellers were actually like was eye opening. 

She shared a few stories about a few misconceptions that the land dwellers had about merfolk and in turn the both of you ended up laughing before you had to turn in for the night. 

Oh, how you missed her. 

Maybe she was awake at this time?

You were about to stretch and head back to your dorm, eager to boot up your laptop so you could properly have a video chat, when the water began to burst to life with bioluminescent brilliance. Was there a school of fish traveling underneath your feet? The tide was high, but it was strange to see fish swim so close to the shore…  

And that’s when you realized that it wasn’t a school of fish, but rather one big fish!

A big fish that had eight long appendages attached to a human torso.

A very familiar sight indeed. 

When Azul breached the surface, you were pleased to see that he still had his poultices applied to his face and on his chest. You had yet to check his octopus arms, but you hoped that he kept them on considering those were the areas that had the deepest cuts and were at the most risk of infection. 

“Good evening, Azul,” you greeted. Absent-mindedly, you allowed your feet to gently kick at the water, your continuous movement disturbing the algae so that you could somewhat see Azul with the faint, but beautiful light. “If I had known that you wanted a private tutoring session, you could have asked. Although, under the circumstances, I think it’s more appropriate for you to rest.” 

You kept your tone light and airy, but after seeing Azul regard you with a suspicious, if contemplative look, you sobered. 

“Will I be able to attend tomorrow’s session?”

You thought maybe that wasn’t the question he was going to ask, but you answered anyway. “During your morning lecture, we’ll have one of our medics look at you, but I doubt there will be too much trouble unless you find yourself unable to participate otherwise.” 

The young cecaelia looked affronted that you suggested such a possibility to him. 

Underneath the water, you could just barely make out his arms crossing tightly over his chest. It made you want to smile—he was still very much a child in many respects—but you were glad for it. Unlike the Azul you had seen bleeding out underneath the water, this one was ready to bite back. 

“But I suppose that’s not the only reason why you’re here, isn’t it?” 

He hesitated a moment, but still answered with conviction. “No, it’s not.”

Again, you were not a teacher or a guidance counselor. You were a physical therapist who was only meant to make sure that merfolk were able to coordinate and move their legs accurately and safely so that they could enjoy life on land. You wouldn’t call yourself socially inept, but you felt a little out of your depth at the silence that ensued. 

Should you push him a little to get whatever burden that was weighing him down off his chest?

Or was it better for you to wait it out?

The cecaelia looked like the sort of person who would get down to business at his earliest convenience, so you decided to let him take the lead. It felt nice, actually, to revel in the cool water while a small breeze caressed your skin. After a while, you felt a sleepy haze overtake your senses as your legs ceased kicking the water and your eyes drift shut. 

Despite the fact that you were upright and at risk for falling face forward into the ocean, you remained calm and content. 

You wouldn’t blame Azul if he left now. 

It was so soothing to bask in the moonlight. 

All too soon, though, when you were so lost in your thoughts, the young cecaelia spoke. As always, his voice was low and measured, thought out and precise. Yet, you could detect an undertone of frustration and maybe even some embarrassment. 

“Why did you help me?”

It took a moment to gather your senses, but once you did, you found Azul’s eyes glinting in the moonlight. They were predatory eyes locked on you, calculating and intelligent. 

(You had to remind yourself again, he was still a child).

“It’s my responsibility to look after my students under my care. During my orientation a few months back, we had to go through several workshops where we had to roleplay and practice several situations that may occur in our line of work. One of those roleplay sessions included cases of bullying and infighting.” 

You remembered one of those sessions clearly. 

Some of the interns at this facility were actually merfolk and they had volunteered to shed their human skin for their fins and tails. It was a relatively short exercise, and they were clearly pulling their punches, but it shocked you to see how fast they could move under water. How they seem to be ruled by instincts that most humans forgot, but most beastman and fae embraced in privacy. 

One wrong move, you realized, and even the docile classic mers could easily take you in a fight. 

The protocol was simple. Incapacitate and separate. 

If an instructor was magicless, they were supposed to alert the attention of those who were. 

But most of all, timing was of the essence. 

You acted quickly as you could, but as you surveyed the cecaelia who kept most of his torso and lower body underwater, you wondered if you could have been faster. How long did you hesitate when you realized just how brutal young classical mers could be? How much precious time did Azul have to endure thinking that no one would help him?

You shook your head. 

It was no use thinking about it.

“No, not that sort of help.” Your eyes had become somewhat adjusted to your dim surroundings, but you still had to squint to see your student still floating in the water looking straight up at you. As a question was about to spill from your lips, Azul smoothly cut in, confidence now apparent in his very being. "You didn't hesitate to get him off me. Later, after that debacle—" His voice hitched, his delivery broken, but you knew better than to say something. "—I heard you talking to security and the other instructors. You... you believed me, defended me even. W-why?"

Dark as the night may have been, you could clearly hear how he tried to regulate his voice. There was a sort of raspy scratchiness to the timbre, as if he were trying his hardest not to break down crying. Furthermore, when you happened to catch his eyes, he averted his gaze and ducked below the surface of the water.

At first, you had thought that he had gone, but a brief disturbance from below illuminated the algae. The bioluminescent glow revealed that the cecaelia was still with you, only that he had chosen to submerge himself. That's right, you couldn't help but remember. A lot of merfolk from the deeper oceanic zones were usually shy and preferred the dark.

To afford him some privacy, you averted your gaze away from the water and instead directed it to your lap.

Sound always traveled faster and louder underwater, so you knew that even if you didn't shout your words, he could still hear you.

"You know... I have a great friend, Shelley. We grew up together after she moved from the Land of the Red Dragon. She's shy and suspicious of strangers—like you—" You couldn't help but admit through a chuckle. "—but she was also loyal, dependable, and very creative. She was always self-conscious about her family history and who she was, but I always loved her, because to me, she was simply my best friend.”

You quieted for a moment and finally revealed the truth.

"She was also the first mer who I helped walk on land. Without the transformation potion." Underneath, you could practically see the cogs turning in Azul's head with the way his body perked up in curiosity. You could practically hear him ask in scandalized curiosity how that was even possible. "Not in the way you think. She's a cecaelia, just like you, actually. Late at night, I would sneak out of the house and I would help her crawl around the beach. I was her spotter, but it's not like I was much help at that age. I would keep a bucket filled with seawater with me to splash her if she felt too dried out, but for the most part, she wanted to explore and push herself to her limits—see how far she could last without going back to the ocean.

"It was no surprise when her persistence eventually paid off. She got herself into a local boot camp and I was so very proud of her."

You paused, letting the memories of her laughter and strong arms (all ten of them) squeezing you gently and with as much affection as she could muster.

"I don't think I ever grasped how different and deadly cultural divides between mer species were. Up on land, it's a bit more apparent among the different types of beastfolk and the fae. Even humans are also prone to discrimination and prejudice. But with Shelley? I loved her so much and I hadn't thought what it must have been like to be a cecaelia in a world where merfolk with animal counterparts were considered lower than classic mers."

Your fingers squeezed the wood of the boardwalk, the splinters digging into your skin.

"The first night after her land boot camp, she swam all the way over to my home island and cried in my arms. The transformation potion had caused her so much pain, even greater than the times sand would get stuck between her suckers or when the irritation of the beach grated against her skin. What was worse, most of the merfolk who attended that particular land boot camp were all classic mers who were from the euphotic zone." You bit out a harsh laugh. "Talk about a fish out of water, huh? When the instructors were out of reach, they judged her for her long arms and how it took longer than most for her to get a grasp on her limbs. They whispered insults and bullied her relentlessly. The instructors must have not suspected a thing or they ignored her because Shelley would continue visiting me every night of her land boot camp experience and every time..." Your hands tightened their grip on your uniform. "Every time she looked so heartbroken and she was so close to quitting."

You hadn't realized it at first, but then you became all too aware of the trail of tears that ran down your eyes and onto your cheeks. Hastily, you wiped the evidence away with the back of your hands, sniffing a little to try and calm yourself.

"So, I helped her. We would work on the exercises to strengthen her lower body and she bribed one of the instructors for extra doses of low grade transformation potion. We would practice together for hours until the early morning. I can't imagine how tired she must have been because she had to swim back to the land boot camp, but it was worth it in the end." You sniffled again, pride in your voice. "She graduated with flying colors and attended university with me as an anthropology major. She's not stationed here, but at another land boot camp, but she's having the time of her life."

A pause.

However, it wasn't exactly filled with silence.

Over the course of your tale, you had staunchly kept your head bowed and your eyes closed to sink deep into your memories. Despite that, you knew that Azul had begun to show himself above water if the flickering of the algae behind your eyelids was any indication. It wasn't until you felt a stray octopus arm brush against one of your legs—an accidental touch if the sudden jerk away from the contact was evidence enough—were you finally face to face with the young cecaelia.

Up close now, you saw that his cheeks were stained with ink and that his eyes were rimmed with a faint blue flush.

An instinct you fought to quell from rising out of its slumber threatened to make itself known: you wanted to pet his hair and wipe away his tears. (You had often done this for Shelley and the feeling became all the more apparent because of your recent perusal of childhood memories).

What was that called again?

Muscle memory?

Your hand twitched, but you only let your hands splay out on your lap to relieve tension.

“Did you help me because I remind you of a childhood friend? Out of pity?” He tried so hard to sound calm, but you could hear the anger at the perceived slight. 

It didn’t matter, you had foreseen this happening. 

You smiled sadly and murmured, “No, I helped you because I know that there are multiple issues regarding accessibility. Between the transformation potions that cause you guys so much pain to the inherent discrimination and segregation among merfolk, and of course, the potentially harmful misconceptions that land dwellers have about you guys… I just want to make a difference and make it easier for people like you to fulfill your dreams in a safe and encouraging environment. I can’t do much outside of this facility, at least not yet, but I want to do my part to make sure that every student who passes under my care gets to live the life that they’ve always wanted. Adria may not have been ready to become human yet, but at least she knows now the sacrifices that must be made and the hurdles that have to be crossed. And as for the other mer who bullied you,” you settled a heavy gaze at him, silently making him promise not to spread rumors, “he has been blacklisted from the program. He could try again in a couple years, but he will be put on probation first.

"So, to answer your question, I helped you because I want to do good for the sake of doing good." You placed a comforting, gentle hand upon his shoulder—the only point of contact you could make without risk of getting reprimanded. "And because it is part of my nature to help others; call it muscle memory or a reflex if you will."

Azul gazed at you for a long time after that, his bright blue eyes unmistakably wet and gleaming with an emotion that you could not pinpoint. You added just a little bit of pressure upon his shoulder before you let him go. At the loss of contact, the cecaelia drifted away from you—a clear sign that it was time for you to leave as well—but before he ducked below the surface, he had one last thing to share. 

“I won’t forget this,” he said resolutely. There it was again, the confidence of someone he was still growing into. A young man who was going to be successful and powerful—no matter what it took. “I promise, I won’t.”

And, just like that, the cecaelia was gone. 

You weren’t sure what he was promising exactly, but you had the inkling that if the both of you were to meet in the future after land boot camp, he would be in favor of helping you with your cause.

.

.

.

Tagging: @missam

[PART ONE] [PART TWO] [PART THREE] [PART FOUR HERE]

If you want to donate a Ko-Fi, feel free https://ko-fi.com/devintrinidad.

TWISTED WONDERLAND MASTERLIST

[stormyoceans]

As someone who doesn't like vice versa I dare you to try make me like jimmysea

SKFGDSKFGSKDGFSKDGF I—i mean if they're not really your thing i doubt anything i could say is gonna make you like them but YEAH OKAY SURE WHY NOT I CAN TRY

let's meet our boys separately first!!!!

jimmy. actor, doctor, babygirl. frankly has my undying admiration even just for being able to juggle his acting job while also studying to become a dermatologist and somehow succeeding at both literally could never be me. people tend to dislike him for his role as wai in bad buddy, but you only need to watch any bts video from the show to see how much he is adored by everyone and if anything that should be proof of the absolute range he has as an actor. avocado enthusiast and self proclaimed extrovert (is he tho. is he really), don’t get fooled by his quiet and responsible appearance, he’s actually the most deranged man in the industry. i still remember the day an anon told me he improvised nomming on his co-star's face and using a pillow to suggest stripping said co-star down and eating him out all in the name of Acting™ because i've never been the same ever since. the me before and after i was given this information are completely different people

sea. actor, athlete, dog dad. you won't get a single objective thought out of me because i am: Disgustingly Fond. debuted with a killer performance in the show 55:15 never too late as a supporting character, the fact that he's somehow still so underrated when he's one of the best actor in GMMTV makes me want to bark bite maim kill. he is an actual ray of sunshine with a smile that could light up the entire world and also the perfect example of an introvert: he has the innate ability to somehow disappear from any social gathering, but if he wakes up in a silly goose mood you will find him shamelessly twerking in front of everyone and being an absolute goofball. he's also a great singer and goes along with everything jimmy does because he is a big Simp™ (who's more deranged, the one who noms first, or the one who noms back, this is the question)

and now onto them as a pairing!!!!!

jimmysea. with a 5 years difference between them, they are actually the pair with the biggest age gap in GMMTV, which could have come in the way of their on- and off-screen relationship, but from what we are privy of i think you can see in every interaction they have that they clearly adore and are incredibly fond of each other. maybe it's because they share the same kind of derangement, or maybe it's because they both are very hardworking and humble boys who always try to give their best, but somehow they work. as the older one jimmy is always there to help and guide sea however he can, but when he needs it sea is ready to step up and carry the weight for him. they may not possess the kind of chemistry that's all sparks and fireworks, but they have a quiet gentle intimate one that makes them look like they've been married for years, which is also helped by their insane ability of looking at each other with so much love and adoration in their eyes it feels like your heart is getting curb stomped against the sidewalk. they don't really know what fan service is and they can go weeks without seeing each other (the drought eras), but when they do hang out they usually go out to eat and swim together (preferably at the pool in sea's condo after jimmy drives him back)

..not sure why this came out as a sales pitch tbh ;;;;;; honestly there are a lot of things i could add and if i were to convince you to like them i should probably send you links to videos and stuff like that but. im not really good with this sort of things ;;;;;; (i guess i could still suggest you to watch their praew interview to have an idea of their dynamic)

in the end all i can tell you is why i personally like them, which is mainly because what transpires of their relationship feels very genuine to me and they seem to be really sweet boys who just stand in their introverted corner minding their business doing their own thing portraying high romance and giving incomprehensible levels of adoration derangement goofiness talent ability skills. THEY ARE JUST SO COMFORT SHAPED TO ME IDK WHAT ELSE TO SAY

[sounds-of-some-day]

Yup. Fans need to pay for a subscription if they want to support these shows. I got an AMC+ subscription because I watch IWTV and Gangs of London.

I wanted to make a post in general about the overall advocacy of piracy, but I am a tiny blog and no one cares about what I think.

But, with respect to this specific show, I will share some thoughts.

I see a lot of people angsting about "What if AMC makes the series run too long, like they did with Walking Dead, and the quality declines?"

and like, y'all, seriously, this should not be your concern right now. TVC are not The Walking Dead, and they were never going to be. I know there's this rumor going around that AMC bought this property as a replacement for The Walking Dead, and I don't know where that comes from, if it's just wishful thinking, or if someone connected to the show or AMC somehow hinted at that, but I seriously hope that it's not the second option, and that AMC is not expecting Walking Dead numbers from IWTV, because that would be really naïve to say the least and I would hope the people in charge of these things have better sense.

During it's peak, The Walking Dead was pulling in 17 million viewers per episode. It was the number one show on cable television. Not just the number one show on AMC - the number one show out of all of the cable networks. Even at it's worst, it was getting 3 million viewers per episode.

The best I can tell for IWTV is that it is averaging less than 0.5 million viewers per episode.

To put this into perspective, Fear the Walking Dead averaged 0.8 million viewers in its last season and it's on cancellation watch.

Here's from cancellation watch after the premiere of IWTV:

"On Sunday, AMC’s heavily promoted Interview With The Vampire–based on the Anne Rice novels–had its premiere but only managed a 0.15 rating based on same-day viewing for the 18-49 demographic with 622K total viewers.  Those are not terrible numbers, but that is also not a great start for a shiny new franchise that received a notable marketing push prior to its debut.  It was also available on AMC+ the same day (along with the second episode), though, so the digital viewing should give it an additional push."

And the thing is, there was a 40% decline in viewership after the first episode. Why? Well....honestly, most likely because of the gay sex. IWTV was never going to be TWD because it is openly, unabashedly, LGBT. And that is going to turn off a lot of the general viewing public. I'm sorry, but it's true. I wish we lived in a world where that was not the case, but we don't.

So if you want more LGBT media like IWTV, you have to support it. And that means supporting it financially if you can. Look, AMC+ is what? $8.99/month? Ideally you'd continue your subscription, but even if you cancel it after the show airs, you still showed AMC that there is interest in this specific show that generates revenue, and it only cost you less than $20. Are you not willing to put $20 into getting more IWTV??

I know not everyone can, because they live where AMC+ isn't available, or maybe you are truly flat broke, but if you can support the show, man, you gotta do it. Because anything past season two is NOT guaranteed, and we all want to see Sam Reid as Lestat in his rock star era.

So, please, I'm begging you.

And also, the other show in this franchise? The Mayfair Witches? Man, that show is facing an uphill battle because there is zero hype about that show right now and it airs in a little over a month.

Anyway, this got long, so I'll leave it here. But please support this show. And as for how you can do that between now and season two? Keep the hype up. Create fan content. Talk to people about the show. Hype the ever loving shit out if. Cause the one thing IWTV has going for it right now is that the critical reviews have been incredible. That doesn't mean anything without ratings, but it definitely helps.

[venusorbits]

WATCHING NOW...

uploaded on 2011 February

──── GET TO KNOW 아프로디테 - THE INTERVIEW

"Hi, everyone, 아프로디테 here. I am here with Wall Street Journal. Today, you will be getting to know me better." Clasping your hand together swaying back and forth on a swivel chair, "There are a lot of mysteries surrounding me right now and I will be letting you know about that. Let's go!"

'WHO ARE YOU?'

Laughing lightly licking your bottom lip. Keeping a bright grin on your face.

"Well-" You start, "I go by 아프로디테 but you can call me DITE, it's much more convenient than calling me Aphrodite all the time. But, my real name is Sage Park, I was born on January 1st of '96 in London, which makes me currently 15 years of age currently. I am an idol under YG Entertainment that I trained under for a year."

'WHAT DO YOU MEAN TRAINED FOR?'

"It's quite a typical process for a K-pop idol to be preparing, train in dancing, singing among other things before being introduced to the world... It's all a part of the process."

Waving your hand around as you explain.

"You can audition or you will be asked to audition for them. I was asked to audition for YG."

'CAN WE TALK ABOUT YOUR DEBUT ALBUM?'

"Sure." You agreed, gratefully taking it from a staff member's hand that popped into frame and mumbling a small 'thank you' under your breath.

"I debuted not too long ago, to be more specific, on January 16th with my album 'MEAN!'"

You held up a CD copy of your album to the camera.

"Go check that out if you want." You shrugged, "I was heavily inspired by the Canadian artist, as many of you know her by, Avril Lavinge. I wanted a pop and pop-rock elements in my music."

You look at the copy in your hand.

"I also wanted some crazy, bright-colored hair for my music videos. Play the electric guitar. Just a lot of early 2000s-esque homage. I can play the guitar so I want live music in all my performances." Nodding, "I'm trying to learn the drums to complete the set of pop-rock."

You chuckled mostly to yourself.

"As you can tell, I love pop-rock music. Although, this doesn't mean that I will be sticking only to one genre. I will be exploring other ones as well."

You point at the camera reassuringly.

"The album has elements of piano and acoustic guitar by yours truly. It discusses love through my lens and my understanding as a teenager. I have never experienced a serious relationship so, you'll get to view it as somewhat naive, immature, ignorance and in a love sick, puppy love perspective... I'd say."

You were rather impressed and satisfied with yourself with how cohesive your thoughts and explanation were in the aims and concept of your album. Rather than feeling jittery, your mind was clear, you were extremely comfortable with being in front of the camera.

'HOW DID YOU GET INTO THIS INDUSTRY AND WHY DID YOU WANT TO BECOME A PART OF IT?"

"How did I get into this industry?" You repeat, "Well, as I mentioned before, I was invited to YG to audition. But, if we're going back to where I started-"

Clasping your hand together,

"I moved to South Korea when I was about 10 years old. I could not speak a lick of Korean at all but over time... I learned. At that time, I knew... Well- I wasn't incredible at it but I knew how to play the piano and the guitar."

"I sang the song, "Heavy in your Arms" by Florence + The Machine while playing the electric guitar that my mum bought me for a Christmas present right around when I was 12."

You smirk,

"I'm sure she's very elated now that I'm out of the house. Her ears get a break from the strumming everyday."

"Soon, I had a call saying that I passed the audition and my training period will start soon. I started training... One day, I was pulled aside midst my training." You shift your sitting position, "I felt my heart just jump up to my throat and I was holding my breath."

"Then, I heard, "You're going to debut soon"" You let a sigh of relief as if you were reliving the moment with a little chuckle, "I felt like the whole world just lift off my shoulders."

"In terms of, why I want to be a part of the music industry?... That grew onto something to becoming its own thing. I love music. I want this as a job."

'WHAT MAKES YOU PASSIONATE ABOUT MUSIC?'

"I grew up watching Musicals. I even have DVD copies of it at home too of all my favourite ones. And before you ask," You put your hand up, "Yes, I do have my favourites."

"I love Chicago, Phantom of the Opera, Wicked and Lion King... You know what, I'll put Hamilton there too. I love the concept of bringing story telling and music together."

"Writing a compelling and memorable album can be similar in a way... More added different obvious layers of complication between the two writing story and song writing obviously. Different needs."

"Song writing... Is more compact and there's a catchy tune to it which makes it more memorable... Music builds a different atmosphere too that books can't replicate. Same goes for books too since we picture things differently in our head."

"It's just... So amazing." You finish.

'YOU WROTE YOUR WHOLE ALBUM. WHAT ARE YOUR ADVICE TO PEOPLE WHO WANT TO DABBLE IN SONGWRITING?'

"I think..." You drag your words, "This isn't a good question for me."

Grinning.

"My song writing skills aren't up there yet. I mean, it's good, for me to put out that album but, I wouldn't take a advice from me when I'm still navigating." You add, "But, if I have to give an advice, I'd say. Go ahead and have a go."

"Regardless if you think, it's terrible. Just write and take advice from people around you. Always look for ways to improve. Improving is key."

You smile at the fond memory.

"There are so many lyrics I gave my producer to be approve of but, he read them and said 'Revise them.' It took me weeks to get the green light." You gave an encouraging nod, "Songwriting is not easy journey. Don't put a unrealistic expectation on yourself and going to compare yourself to other artist. You are not born with this skill. You develop it."

'YOU ARE CREDITED AS A CO-PRODUCER OF YOUR ALBUM 'MEAN!', WILL YOU BE COMING OUT WITH ALBUM, SOLELY PRODUCED BY YOU?'

"Well-" You smirked, "We'll see."

'WHAT MADE YOU DECIDE TO GO TOWARDS THE DIRECTION OF WRITING YOUR DEBUT ALBUM?'

"I want a pop-rock album. Simple as that."

"I kind of wanted to stray away from the EDM type of music that's quite trendy nowadays and focus on rocky-ish type of music. I also wanted to play music live."

'CAN YOU TALK ABOUT YOUR FAVOURITE GUITARS?'

"Sure." The video cuts to your collection of electric guitars on their stands all varying in colours and brands, where it was conveniently taped off.

"These are my collection, I have 4 in total; these are the brands I frequently check out and consider buying from... That I cannot mention." You look over to the camera cheekily over to your manager, "K-pop idol issues."

"I like the brands. I think they're good but... I have my issues with them like the tuning stability issues I have with this pink one." You point at the nearest to you, "From my research, it has something to do with the metals they use."

"If this is your brand... You might want to fix that."

You pick up one of them, one covered that has a white body decorated and littered with all kinds of stickers.

"This is my baby. My favourite of them all. My first guitar."

You glare at the camera.

"But, whoever recommended my mum this as a beginner guitar. I hope you don't sleep well at night." You warned earning a chorus of laughter from the staff behind the camera, "This was a struggle to figure out and not beginner friendly."

"This-" You point, "Is a floating trem complicated for baby DITE. Then was later told... This shouldn't have been recommended to me. It was pure hell and pain."

"Guitar enthusiast. If you recognise this, comment it down below because I can't mention it... No go for beginners... It almost made me quite the guitar."

'WHAT WAS THE FIRST SONG YOU LEARNED TO PLAY?'

"Twinkle, twinkle little star." You answered deadpanned causing everyone to once again erupt into laughter.

'WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES BESIDE MUSIC?'

"I don't know. My personality only revolves around music." You teased, "I'm kidding. I love cooking, reading and video games."

"I love video games. My manager does not like the fact that I love it because I stay up all night playing games and she can't wake up."

You bowed onto a perfect 90 degree angle,

'WHO DO YOU ENJOY LISTENING TO?'

"I'm sorry, Mira but you can't separate me and my one love, video games."

"I enjoy a lot of genres and a variety of artist. I do love some Taylor Swift, Lana Del Rey, IU, 2NE1, Florence + The Machine, Aaliyah, Avril Lavinge, Amy Winehouse, Whitney Houston... I have a lot more but... I can't think off the top of my head."

"I listen to a lot of Female Artist as you can tell."

'WOULD YOU SAY THAT ALL THESE ARTIST HAVE HAD AN IMPACT ON YOUR ARTISTIC CREATIVITY?'

"Definitely." You didn't miss a beat,"I feel they had a lot of impact on how I approach music. A lot of their music style reflects my own but, I still put my own spin on it."

"That about wraps up my interview with Wall Street Journal. Thank you for joining me. Bye!" You blow a kiss before waving off.