#everyone is going to think jamie is just jealous and won’t listen to him

[boasamishipper]

so jamie never drank the zava kool-aid and sam is about to follow in his footsteps after zava’s comments about the avocados / trying to insert himself into sam’s restaurant so everything can Continue To Be About Him, what do y’all think the other greyhounds’ breaking points are going to be

[quindolyn]

General Relationship Headcanons || James Potter

Request: “Please can you do a general relationship for james potter? xx” -anon

Word Count: 5,835

Notes: This is kinda slow burn, I’m a little sorry. The ones I did for Remus and Sirius were not canon so this won’t be either which is a little easier because no Jily. These keep on getting longer and longer, but part of that is because Jamie is definitely my favorite marauder.

Warnings: Smut, angst, lots of fluff, dom and sub James, momma’s boy Jamie

Masterlist

You were something special

James had known that since he was 4 years old

It just took him a long time to realize exactly how special you really were

James Potter was an idiot

That would become increasingly apparent to him as he grew up

Your family and the Potters were great friends for as long as any of you could remember, meaning that you and James were practically attached at the hip

And who could blame you? He has such nice hips 

The both of you are heart broken when he leaves for Hogwarts leaving you behind because you wouldn’t start until the following year.

All throughout his first year you guys write back and forth sharing every single detail of your respective days, down to the color of the plate you ate your lunch on

You can’t help but feel envious

There’s your best friend in the entire world, in fucking Scotland

Making new best friends

When the next year rolls around and you get to finally join James on the Hogwarts Express you want to hate Sirius and Remus

You really do

But how can you? They’re Remus and Sirius 

You guys spend the entirety of the train ride laughing and talking and the other two boys tell you embarrassing stories from the year prior about James

When they hear your nicknames for him (Jamsie, Jamie, J), they make fun of him relentlessly

He calls you an assortment of cheesy nicknames too but his favorites, before you guys get together, are “Sweetheart”, “Sunshine”, and “love”

If you get sorted into Gryffindor James screams his head off for you, making room for you to sit next to him at the table in the Great Hall, opposite Sirius and Remus.

If you’re in a different house then James gets sad, really sad, like that night he cries into his pillow and Sirius has to climb into bed with him to give him hugs and tell him that its okay even if the two of you are in different houses. That doesn’t have to affect your friendship if you don’t let it.

The next day James would find you before you got to the Great Hall and engulf you in a hug in the middle of the corridor, not caring that there were people streaming past the two of you in either direction. 

“We’re gonna be friends forever right (Y/N/N)?”

“I hope so Jamie.”

Even though you’re in different classes and potentially different houses you guys are around each other all of the time

You sit with him and the other boys at their place at the Gryffindor table

They sit with you in the library

And by the end of your first year you’re having sleepovers in their dorm

You sleep in James’ bed of course and Remus and Sirius do. Not. hesitate. To mock you relentlessly

“You and your girlfriend getting comfy over there Jamie?”

“Go to hell Siri, let me cuddle James in peace!” 

These jokes continue through your years at Hogwarts and you and James take them in jest

As you guys get older the physical affection you share never dwindles

After someone made a crude comment in the hallway about the two of you he talked to you making sure that you were okay with the arms he would throw over your shoulders, the arms wrapped around you waist, the kisses to your forehead before he left the Great Hall for class, holding you in his arms in the Gryffindor common room as the two of you drifted to sleep.

You assure him that its okay, that its not weird because you guys have been best friends since forever and that you love how affectionate you are with each other

You don’t start to realize you feelings for James until he starts pining after Lily, you don’t know what you have until its gone, right?

Watching him stare at her in the Great Hall

Writing her little notes that even though he’ll go up and ask her out in front of everyone, which you’re not too fond of either, he’s too shy to actually give her

Listening to him go on and on about her, her hair, the cadence of her voice, the beautiful color of her eyes, how intelligent she is, and on and on

Sirius picks up on this instantly

And he does not hesitate to make fun of you for it all the time, obviously not enough for James to pick up on it because he’s a prick not a complete asshole, but still enough to make you blush uncontrollably

You can’t say anything to him though because he’s your James and there’s absolutely no way that he returns your feelings, you’re like a little sister to him

So, much to Sirius’ chagrin, you swallow your feelings and sit there by James, trying to listen to Remus as he tries to explain to you your Charms homework while James watches Lily on the other side of the Common Room laughing with Dorcas and Marlene

And a little piece of your soul dies

The summer between your third and fourth year, his fourth and fifth, you were excited to finally have your Jamsie back to yourself again.

It went without saying that the two of you would alternate between each other’s houses over the summer

There would be no Lily Evans to distract him

No exams to stress over 

Just you and James at the Potter estate, exploring the woods that, in all honesty, didn’t change all that much from summer to summer, and swimming in the bioluminescent pond on the edge of the Potter property, simply floating next to each other on your backs, one of his hands grasping your forearm, making sure you didn’t float too far away from him

But apparently this year it didn’t go without saying.

Instead, a mere month before the end of the term, James regretfully tells you that he and his family are going to Spain for the summer to be with his aunt who lives there and he really wants to take you but its the entire summer and his parents nixed it

“I’m so sorry sunshine, I really want to take you but-”

“It’s okay Jamie, I get it if you could you’d take me, but you can’t so its fine. I’m not going to hold it against you.”

And you can tell that he’s genuinely upset about it but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt any less when you hug him goodbye at King’s Cross knowing that unlike years prior you weren’t going to see him in a few days.

You spend a good chunk of the summer wallowing, not necessarily because your crush isn’t there with you but because your best friend isn’t

James writes you every day just like he did during his first year at Hogwarts but its not the same because you can’t see him

You can’t hold onto his arm when you’re tired and set your head on his shoulder

So when September 1st rolls around and you finally get to see him again you’re down right giddy

But on Platform 9 ¾ you’re looking for a wiry, lanky boy, with a nose a little too big for his face, and a squeaky little voice

Not the 6 foot man who approaches you, with broad shoulders and budding facial hair along his jawline.

“Sunshine!”

Oh holy shit

His voice

He no longer sounds like a dog toy, a very cute dog toy but still

You must admit that you’re a fan of the change, as the word leaves his lips you imagine resting your head on his chest and feeling the vibrations as he spoke with whomever

Its not a single day that you’re back at Hogwarts before James is fawning all over Lily again and you’ve had enough of it

You’re not going to let yourself to keep on pining after a boy who doesn’t love you

Not even doesn’t love you

But loves someone else

Sirius finds you a couple weeks into the school year, sitting with your back against a wall in an empty corridor trying to hold in your tears.

“What’s wrong, love?”

“I-I can’t believe I let myself fall for him. I’m an idiot Si!”

Sirius holds you in that hallway, rocking you back and forth while he murmurs to you that James is the idiot, not you, and that you deserve so much more than him

He helps you concoct a plan to get over James, he pitches to you going out on a date with someone else

Doesn’t have to be anything all that serious, just something to get your mind off James and remind you how hot you are, and how many people are lining up for you to give them so much as a moment of your time.

It doesn’t take too much on Sirius’ part to get you to agree to let him set you up

His name was Sullivan, he was in your year, a year younger than Sirius, with sandy blonde hair and chocolate brown eyes 

Sully, as he insisted you call him, took you for a butter beer at the Three Broomsticks

You had a good time, Sully was smart, and attractive, and you and he shared similar interests 

And all though he was lovely, and he insisted you were too, the both of you agreed that you would be better off as friends

You spent more time with him in the following weeks and less with James, Sirius, and Remus

The latter two were very happy that you were trying to move on because watching you stare at James was a little sad

James is confused, and hurt, and jealous

Though he adamantly refuses to admit that last one

Instead he just watches you. All. Of. The. Time.

To the point where if it wasn’t James it would be disturbing

And even though it is him it gets touch concerning

Sometimes before you go and sit with the Marauders at their spot in the Great Hall you’ll stop by where Sullivan sits with his friends and give him a smile, talk for a few minutes before hugging each other and walking away

It made James’ blood boil

Who did this kid think he was, you were his best friend he didn’t get to just waltz in and take you, or Godric forbid date you

One day you’re sitting outside with the boys when you see Sullivan on the other side of the court yard, excusing yourself you walk up to him and chat for a couple minutes before Sullivan’s face goes pale and there’s a shadow looming over you.

James throws an arm around your shoulders, tugging you into his side while extending his hand to Sully

“Hi, I’m James, (Y/N/N)’s best friend.”

James is standing there with you guys maybe 2 minutes, being the most passive aggressive petty person he could possibly be, dropping not so subtle hints about his distaste for Sully before he’s tugging you back to the tree where Siri and Remmy still are, their hands resting dangerously close to each other’s 

“What the fuck James!”

He plays dumb because if there’s one thing James Potter is good at its being an idiot, but eventually he relents

“I just don’t like the way he looks at you, it's like he’s trying to get into your pants!”

You start cackling

Borderline manically

“You’ve got to be kidding me James we’re just friends!”

Sirius being the eternally helpful human being he was added in his two cents, “Maybe you’re projecting Potter!”

And the laughing stops

James goes beet red, you feel all the blood drain from your face before collecting yourself and murmuring a quick apology before racing off for the castle 

You and James don’t talk for 2 days

It's the longest either of you have gone without some form of communication

You’re both so embarrased and you don’t want to hear James tell you that he doesn’t actually like you and that it was just Sirius being an asshole

Of course he would say this to make you comfortable but that’s not what it would do

It would crush you

You don’t have classes together so it's easy to ignore him there, and if you’re in separate houses it's even easier

Meals

Now that’s a different story

You can’t just eat somewhere else and the prospect of facing James after what Sirius said has you running for the nearest toilet

So you scrounge up what you can in the kitchen after meals

It kills James that he’s only seen you on the other side of the courtyard or disappearing behind corridors 

You’re supposed to be his Sunshine, he can’t stand that you’re hiding from him, he misses you so much

And at first he’s a little angry when you don’t sit with them at meals, but after scanning the Great Hall, he realizes you’re not there

His stomach drops, have you not been eating?

So dinner the second night he collects a plate for you with all of your favorite things and determinedly sets off for your dorm, balancing a plate in one hand and a glass of pumpkin juice in the other

He has to knock on your door with his foot

“Jamie, what’re you doing here.”

He gently pushes past you letting himself into your room to set the plate and glass on your desk

“You haven’t been eating.”

And despite yourself your heart flutters, because he’s right you haven’t been eating as much as you should’ve not wanting to get caught in the kitchens you only swiped what you could easily get your hands on

But then you have to remember, it's because you’re basically his little sister, not because he reciprocates your feelings

“I’ve missed you Sunshine.”

And you lose it

“Stop! Stop it Jamie I can’t take it anymore, you can’t keep calling me Sunshine and Sweetheart and Love and cuddle with me on the couch and then turn around and declare your undying love for Lily fucking Evans. I can’t do it anymore! I like you, differently than you like me and I can’t do this anymore!”

Poor Jamsie has never felt like more of an absolute asshole

You’d be lying if you said you didn’t revel just a little bit in the look on his face, didn’t feel a little triumph that maybe he felt even a fraction as bad as you did.

He’s an idiot and he realizes it

You’re both very quiet for a minute before he walks up to you so that you’re a mere inch from him before he gulps and leans down to press his lips to yours

“I’m an idiot.”

“Yes you are.”

“But I’m your idiot, right?”

“Always Jamsie.”

It's not as though much changes between the two of you on the surface once you’re together

You’re a bit more touchy feely with each other, kisses usually pressed to foreheads or temples often find themselves brushing at the other’s lips

He holds your hand a lot more freely now and more often than not it will end up clasping your thigh under the table in the Great Hall, or after having pushed your chairs together in the library so they touched

When you curl up together in the Gryffindor common room his hands find their way under your shirt, lightly tracing the skin of your stomach, pressing kisses to the junction where your neck meets your shoulder

His arsenal of nicknames expands impressively

Angel, darling, beautiful, gorgeous, poppet, pretty girl, mine

And he’ll add the occasional my before the word “love”

You already slept over in their dorm room every other night before you and James got together but now it's more of a nightly occurrence

Especially the day before a Quidditch match, James insists that he sleeps with his lucky charm, says you keep him calm

You cheer the hardest for James at his matches, bar maybe Sirius

Even if you’re in a different house you sit with Siri and Remus in the Gryffindor stands and get all decked out in red and gold

Now that you’re his he has no problem with Sullivan, he trusts you and by extension he trusts the people you trust

You’re touched one day, early on into your relationship, when Lily comes up to you in the Great Hall and tells you that you didn’t have to tell James to tell her that he was sorry for being a prick and not taking no for an answer.

You don’t tell her this but you didn’t ask him to do anything

James is just a good person

He also has an abundance of money and little impulse control

He’ll buy you literally anything he sees that reminds him of you, or if he remembers you bringing up that you wanted or needed it

He likes buying you jewelry because you can wear it more often than you could say the same dress or blouse

That’s not to say that he doesn’t buy you clothes too, he has all of your sizes memorized and knows whether you wear normal/petite/tall

James Potter will buy you pads/tampons/whatever product you use

He’s a man not a little boy and he doesn’t give a flying fuck if someone makes fun of him for it

One day Lucius calls him out for it and Jamie is just not having it 

“You have no clue where the clit is or what to do with it do you Malfoy?”

He’s always helped you through your periods so now that you’re together he’s just more liberal with his touch because he knows how much you love it

He knows how to do basic hairstyles and such because he watched his mom when he was a little boy and watch your mom do your hair too

If your hair requires special treatments and hairstyles he will write to your mom, asking for her to teach you because he loves your hair and wants to be able to help you, like imagine sitting in his bed while he puts braids in your hair following the instructions your mom sent him

Speaking of families when he tells Euphemia you two are together (which he does as soon as he leaves your dorm that night) she literally screams

Fleamont was worried that she was being attacked

But the next day at breakfast you get a letter from Euphemia stained with dried tear drops as she poured her heart out to you, telling you how much she loved you and that if her son ever broke your heart you were to go to her immediately and she would deal with him for you 

The year you finally become boyfriend and girlfriend is the year you all become animaguses 

James tries to argue with you, insisting that you shouldn’t do it because it's dangerous and he doesn’t want you getting hurt

Your rebuttal is that isn’t it just as dangerous for him? And if you’re not doing it neither is he and that leaves Sirius which just wouldn’t end well 

He’s so proud of you when you transform for the first time, he gets so distracted watching you that he forgets where he is for a moment

That summer, unlike the one previous, you and James spend all of your time together 

You spend the entirety of the holiday at the Potter estate doing all the things that you and Jamie used to do when you were younger, only this time its better

Instead of being childhood friends you’re each other’s 

You can kiss him, and hold his hand, and he can lift up your hair to kiss the back of your neck

Euphemia lets you guys sleep in the same bed but before that she sits the two of you down and gives you the talk

“Now (Y/N), I don’t know if your parents have ever discussed this with you but if you two are going to be sharing a bed I think it's important we go over it.”

There’s so much blushing and whining from James

“Muuuummmm.”

One night you guys are lying on the floor of his bedroom wearing the absolute bare minimum because it was so hot and humid out when you pitched the idea of going skinny dipping

James is hesitant at first because he doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable

But you insist that you’re fine and point out to him that it was you idea not his

Being the gentleman he is when you strip by the lake he looks away making you laugh

When you turn him to look at you his jaw drops

You’re even more gorgeous than he could’ve ever imagined

It's dark out but the light from the lake allows you to drink in your figure

He blushes so much you’d think that he was the one naked

 When he does strip too he grabs you and jumps into the water, you guys are all over each other, running your hands up and down his chest, his hands are supporting your bum while your legs wrap around his waist

You have sex that night, for the first time, he was very gentle with you and holds your hand when he breaks you hymen and if you cry he kisses away your tears

“Do you wanna stop baby? Does it hurt too much? We can stop.”

James is one of two things depending on your preference

We have soft dom!James and sub!James

I personally appreciate a healthy mix of both 

Starting with soft dom!James, he would be so gentle with you 

Also very firm though, if you broke any of his rules he would not hesitate to punish you

He’s a thigh man through and through

Doesn’t matter if we’re talking dom or sub, the man lives for your thighs

Which makes his favorite form of punishment laying you across his lap to spank you, but most of the time his blows land on more of your thighs than they do your bum

He makes you count as he spanks you too and after every blow you have to thank him

“One! Thank you Daddy!”

And if you ever call him James instead of Daddy during sex he’ll stick his fingers in your mouth and make you choke on them, kissing away the tears that fall from your eyes, “S’okay baby, you’re okay. Can you do this for me? Can you take my fingers like the good girl I know you are?”

He loves taking you up against a wall, especially in the locker rooms after a Quidditch match

Shower sex is one of his favorites, thinks you look absolutely gorgeous, soaking wet and moaning for him, not to mention he get’s to fuck you up against the wall

This is the point in the headcanon where I urge you all to go read the blurbs by @randomoutsiders​ where Remus and Sirius teach James how to brat tame you, she captures his essence perfectly

He loves to blindfold you, he likes the little jump he gets out of you when he touches you

He gives you the most condescending mocking smiles

What comes to mind is the first time he makes you squirt, he’s so proud of both himself and you

“Good girl, look at that, look at how much of a mess you made for me angel. So pretty, good job.”

He then proceeds to lick the mess you just made off of you 

He loves buying you lingerie

He likes it in a deep red and black

Loves ripping it off of you, absolutely adores it 

After care with him would be so soft and sweet, he loves taking baths with you so he can clean you up and kiss all the places he left bruises while he murmurs to you about what a good girl you were and how proud he is of you

One night he tells you that if Godric forbid the two of you ever split up and you’re with someone else that after care is necessary and that you’re precious and deserved to be treated as such 

He treats you like a goddess 

Sub!James is just as precious

He’s also my current obsession so stick with me here

He’s just so eager to please, always wanting to make you feel good and not even caring all that much if he gets off himself

Just so centered around making you feel good

He calls you “Mommy” and I will not be accepting criticism

I feel like “Mistress” is too impersonal if that makes much sense

The former is just so intimate and James wears his heart out on his sleeve 

James is rarely if ever a brat, usually when he’s disappointed in himself and he takes it out on you and you have to remind him how to be a good boy

And the rest of the time when he breaks a rule it's completely on accident and he’ll come to you and tell you about it to apologize

He feels so guilty, like he’s failed you

Especially if he touches himself without your permission, it's almost enough to keep him from doing it but he’s still a horny teenaged boy and can’t help himself sometimes

Most of the time though you’ll end up with a horny James knocking on your dorm door begging you to help him 

He prefers giving you head than you giving him head

That’s not to say that the visual of you on your knees with his cock in your mouth isn’t appealing, it most certainly is 

He just loves that he can make you feel that good with just his tongue

James also loves how you taste, tells you it’s better than candy

Which makes you smile like an idiot

Will finger you under the table in the library if you ask him to, it's not like he was paying that much attention to his homework in the first place, and even if he had been you are without a doubt more important

Loves it when you ride him

Absolutely adores it, he loves the way your tits bounce which is why he prefers cowgirl to reverse cowgirl because he can keep his hands on your tits and on your thighs

He asks you for a cock ring, loves that you get to decide when he gets to cum 

Extra points if its a vibrating one

With his consent of course, you tie him up and make him watch while Sirius and Remus fuck the living day lights out of you, barely paying him any mind while you scream for the cocks of his two best friends 

He likes being tied up in general allowed to look and only look

The first time you peg him he almost cries it feels so good

And you take his sniffling as a sign he doesn’t like it and that he’s hurt, he has to explain to you that that is not it and “You make me feel so good Mommy.”

His whimpers and moans are the most precious things and he’s very vocal

Screaming your name and begging you to cum

He is not shy to beg you 

To cum

To make you cum

To get to so much as look at you

Baby boy has absolutely no shame 

I especially like sub!James because he’s such a cocky asshole 90% of the time but he’s also the kindest, most considerate soul and he spends so much of his life helping others that sometimes he just wants you to be in control

Regardless of sub or dom James you were making out on his couch that summer, your hands in his hair, his fumbling with the clasp on your bra when there was a pounding at his front door

He makes you stay where you are because he doesn’t want you to get hurt but its just Sirius

Well not just Sirius

He was bloodied and broken and looked like he’d been to hell and back

When he told the two of you what happened, how he’d been disowned and had nowhere else to go, while Euphemia tended to his wounds James engulfed him into the biggest hug and they just sit there, Sirius crying into James’ chest while James ran his hands up and down Sirius’ back whispering to him about how it was going to be alright that he was safe, that no one was ever going to hurt him again.

About 2 or so hours after you’d all retired for the night, you and James snuggled together in his bed you awoke when the door to his room creaked open

There was Sirius, with tears streaming down his face, his bottom lip wobbling

After untangling yourself from James you walked over to him, taking his hand in yours and leading him over to the bed

“James, scooch over.”

“Huh?”

“Scooch!”

When he opens his eyes and sees his Sirius standing there, bashfully ducking his head he quickly moves over and you and Sirius settle into the bed with him in the middle

You and James pet his hair hold his hands while you tell him how much the both of you love him and how you’re never going to let anything bad happen to him again

You fall asleep that night with James spooning Sirius from the back and you with your body curled into Sirius’s front, his head resting on your chest

When you go back to Hogwarts you often end up in this position in their dorm room only add Remus into the mix

You’re a year behind all of them at school meaning that when they graduate you’re still stuck their for a whole nother year without any of them

And it nearly kills all of you

You and James most, though you write to each other every day it's still not the same as him actually being there with you

When you get particularly desperate to see him he apparates to Hogsmeade where he becomes Prongs and meets you in the Forbidden Forest where you basically just spend the entire time holding each other and telling the other how much you love them

He cries at your graduation, full on blubbers 

“That’s my girl!”

Insists that you look better in your graduation cap than anyone else

Doesn’t relent when you tell him how ridiculous that is

You guys move in together as soon as you graduate, it’s barely even a discussion because you guys can always tell what the other is thinking

“Hey babe, do you wanna-”

“Yeah Jamie, when you wanna go look at apartments?”

He loves going shopping for your apartment, he has so much fun looking at color swatches and different fabrics

He insists that you guys decorate at least part of the apartment in Gryffindor colors

Wolfstar lives down the street from you guys and you have biweekly coffee dates together at a little coffee shop in between your two houses.

After a year or so you realise that you and James still aren’t married, and you get very self conscious

Does he not want to spend the rest of his life with you?

Does he not love you as much as you love him?

It completely eats you up

And James can tell that something’s up

When he asks you you confess your worries to him and his heart breaks

He never wanted to make you feel like he didn’t love you

Because of course he loved you

You were his everything, you were his Sunshine

After telling you all of this he goes rummaging through his drawers looking for something

That’s how you find him when you wake up to him accidentally dropping something results in a loud bang

“Jamie? Are you okay?”

When you find him he’s standing bashfully, blushing with his head down, his hands holding something behind his back

“James?”

And that’s when he gets down on one knee and pulls the small velvet box from behind his back

“This isn’t how I wanted to do it darling, but I spend every single day  thinking about you, you’re the first thing I think of in the morning and I fall asleep with you in my arms thinking about how much I love you and how I don’t know if I could live my life without you. I’m so sorry if I’ve ever made you feel differently, I can’t believe I was enough of an idiot to ever hurt you, in any way. Even though I most certainly don’t deserve you, would you do me the honor of making me the happiest man alive and marrying me?”

Euphemia plans your wedding with the help of Sirius

They go all out

There may or may not be a life size ice sculpture of you and James per Sirius' request

Married life is absolute bliss for the two of you

You wake up every morning with that ring on your bedside table (do people sleep in their engagement rings and wedding bands? I’m a child of divorce whose parents are both children of divorce, true love is a foreign concept) to remind you of the beautiful man beside you

Both sub and dom James go absolutely wild on your wedding night, he can’t believe your Mrs. Potter, that your his

Its that night that you pregnant

Though you don’t know it for almost 2 months 

James is the best husband 

He carries you everywhere, even when you’re not showing 

And he can because fuck that man is strong

He’ll carry you upstairs at night and down them in the morning and to the sofa 

You can only move by yourself when he’s not looking 

James is really good at puzzles and putting things together so it takes him less than 2 hours to put all the furniture together for the nursery 

Which he insists you paint yellow, the color of sunshine

One of the first things he buys is a little Gryffindor onesie for your baby

When he comes James has him in it all of the time

When you go into labor he’s very calm and collected

Euphemia is there to help the both of you because that’s the person he first called when you had your first contraction 

He holds your hand the entire time, kissing you, and coaching you along, telling you how good you’re doing, how proud he is of you

He cries when he first sees his son, he’s so beautiful 

Even though he’s basically the spitting image of James, Jamie swears that he looks so much like you

Once the doctors and nurses leave the room he climbs into bed beside you, throwing and arm over your shoulder as you cradle your little boy in your arms

“He’s beautiful Jamie.”

“Just like his mother.”

tagging: @randomoutsiders @weasleyposts​ @kittykylax

[mymelodyheart]

Miles Between Us Chapter 9 ~The Mediation~

Previously in Light Vs Dark ...

Tears streamed down her face as he grabbed his phone and keys and made his way out. He couldn't get out of the cottage fast enough. His heart hammered, his ears started to ring, his lungs squeezing out the last air. He'd hurt her. He'd seen the bruises with his eyes, and now she's crying because of him. He needed to get out fast to clear his head.

She followed him closely behind. "Please tell me where you're going, Jamie. At least give me that," she pleaded.

He couldn't stand to see her tears anymore or hear the plea in her voice. He was doing what's right for her because he loved her too much. He wasn't even sure where he was going or if anyone would be safe in his presence. All he could think of was how frightened his sister had looked at him and the bruises he'd inflicted in Claire's arms. He needed to get as far away as possible, away from the people he loved.

He got into his car, slammed the door, and started the engine.

Claire banged on his window, her face wet with tears. "Don't do this, Jamie. We can fix this together. Please don't go. I'm begging you."

If you wish to read this on AO3, here is the link.

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The sun blazed through the windows, but instead of feeling delighted with the promise of a beautiful day, Claire felt hollow.

Earlier, moving on autopilot, she'd numbly climbed out of bed, showered and gathered all the will and strength she could summon and prepared to face the day. Though a part of her would rather curl into a ball under the duvet until Jamie returns, she made a Herculean effort to stay positive for sanity's sake. It should have given her comfort knowing Jamie was safe after Willie had informed her he'd been spotted at three in the morning at Lallybroch's driveway in his car and was now resting in his childhood home. But her eyes would prickle with tears every time she stood still and stared into space. So Claire kept herself busy, feeding Jamie's pets, letting them out of the house, doing a bit of laundry and setting up her work station for the day on the dining table. Currently, there were things that needed attending to, like her own work, and anytime soon, Willie would be arriving.

She was just about to open her laptop when there was a knock on the kitchen's back door.

She knew it was Willie. "Door's open," she croaked.

Willie walked in and stopped. A line formed between his brows, reminding her so much of Jamie she felt the beginning of tears welling up. "Hey, how are ye?" he asked.

With more enthusiasm than she had in her, she gave him a small smile. "I'm hanging in there. How's Jamie?"

"He's asleep ...last time I heard from ma."

"How about you? You look like you didn't get much rest either."

"Knackered," he replied, shoving his hands into his jeans' pocket. "The bloody git sent us on a merry chase. And now he gets to sleep the whole day while I'm left to pick up the slack at work."

Claire knew Willie was trying to make light of things. Needing to move, she stood and made her way to the kitchen, having the sudden urge to keep her hands busy. It would have been easier if she'd asked Willie to take her to Lallybroch. But there had been a reason for her decision to stay put. She needed to remind herself, there's a probability her presence could make Jamie's condition worsened after having seen his reaction to her bruise last night. Even if in the light of day, nothing seemed good enough excuse to be separated from him.

"Would you like something to drink? Coffee or tea?" she offered. "I could use a strong cuppa."

"Coffee would be grand."

Conscious of Willie watching, she went through the motion of taking out cups and switching on the coffee machine. When she opened the fridge to retrieve some milk, she accidentally nudged one of Jamie's magnets on the door, sending a post-it note to slip down. Automatically bending down, she picked up the piece of paper from the floor.

As she turned it the other way round and read it, a cross between a sob and a laugh broke passed through her mouth. It was a note Jamie had written to her just the other day.

Gone to work. Bought some croissants, and they're in the bread bin just in case Adso gets his grubby paws on it first. Can't wait to see you later. Missing you already. Love you. X

"Oh, damn it." Claire leaned over the countertop, pressing the note with one hand on her chest. "I-I can't do this."

Willie came up behind her and touched her elbow, gently turning her to face him. "Ye cannae do exactly what, Claire?" he asked, a look of concern etching his face.

"Pretend Jamie is fine." She squeezed her eyes shut, and when she opened them again, she let out a lungful of air. "When we first met, he was in a good place. And I have this strong feeling that I am making his condition more frequent and worse."

"No, Claire ...dinnae speak like that."

She glanced down at Jamie's note, and when she felt prickles behind her eyelids, she slipped the piece of paper in her jean's pocket and shook her head. "How can Jamie and I be together if I'm the one triggering his nightmares and anxiety? Before I came along, his episodes were a rare occurrence. And now here I am making that classic mistake of attempting to fix a man." Her breathing suddenly became laboured, like she'd raced ten miles. "I wish I could be by his side. I know it's selfish wanting to be with him right now when I'm the reason for his distress. But I do. On the other hand, logic tells me, it's probably a good thing all those memories he hasn't dealt with are finally coming to the surface, so at least we have something to work on. I just wish there was a less unpleasant way for Jamie to handle all of these." She glanced out the window, unseeing the beautiful view in the sun.

When the silence dragged on for too long, Claire turned to face Willie and was surprised to see him smiling. "Cannae ye see it yet, Claire? Ye are not making Jamie's condition worse. In fact, ye have been helping him heal all this time."

She frowned. She was confused. "What do you mean? I don't understand."

Willie took the portafilter and began filling it with coffee for her. "Ye said it yersel'. The suppressed memories are coming to the surface." He shrugged as he worked the coffee machine. "Meaning, after all these years, Jamie can finally confront them head-on, deal with it and lay it to rest once and for all. Isn't that what his dreams are trying to tell him? He's forgone dealing with grief and issues that it had nowhere to go to except present itself as this monstrous nightmare and panic attacks. And then ye came along, and somehow, ye've extracted more out from him than all his therapists put together."

A nervous laugh gurgled from her throat. "I might have been able to do that, but at what cost? Jamie could've hurt himself last night." She'd worried at the speed he'd taken off, thinking if anything grievous had resulted from it, she would have been so utterly devastated, she'd blamed herself. "He needs professional help, Willie. It can't go on like this."

"He does," he agreed, pressing the button on the coffee machine. "But Jamie needs you too, more than ever ...even if he believes he's a danger to ye."

"But he didn't hurt me."

He pushed the stop button on the coffee machine. "May I see the bruise?"

"Of course." She rolled up her sweatshirt sleeves. "I told him I bruise easily. I have an iron deficiency which I'm taking supplements for."

Willie studied the markings on her arms. "They're not that bad."

"No, they're not. I tried to convince him, but he won't listen. I only need to pinch my skin, and I bruise. It's a symptom of being anaemic."

Willie sighed. "Jamie won't be easily convinced, though. Weel ...at least not until he's calmed down."

"He used to have a therapist. Why isn't he seeing one now?" she asked, curiosity getting the better of her. "I know he's against taking pills for his condition, but surely talking to a professional would help him a lot."

"He has nothing against seeing a therapist ..." he replied matter-of-factly as he handed her the coffee. "...just a particular one."

"Oh!" She took the cup from Willie and watched him make another one for himself. "May I know why?"

"Her name is Geneva Dunsany. She's the only available therapist in Broch Mordha. She took over Jamie's former therapist after he left for England." He paused to look at her. "Ye see ...a few years back, my da remortgage Lallybroch and then when the recession came, our family was hit hard financially and had trouble paying the bank. To cut a long story short, Jenny, our meddling sister, knew Geneva was infatuated with Jamie. Since Geneva comes from a well-off family, Jenny thought by playing matchmaker, she would solve everyone's problems single-handedly. Ever since then, my sister has been trying to get them together. So when she heard Jamie's therapist left for England, she encouraged Geneva to take the job even though she already had one in another town. Jamie is quite perceptive, though and knew what our wee sister was up to. Hence he refused to see Geneva."

"That's a bit sneaky."

"Ye can say that again. Geneva might have a wee crush on Jamie, but I dinnae think she's aware of Jenny's meddling, even though they're friends. Jenny thinks she's doing Jamie a favour by finding him a lass who lives here and can help him with his condition. Jen is practical like that."

"I've met her, actually. The therapist that is. We were introduced ...just before I went back to London," she explained, thinking back to the day when she first met Jenny and Geneva. And she's beautiful too, she thought grudgingly. Although Jamie had never given Claire reason to feel jealous before, every muscle in her body had gone rigid, hearing Willie's account on Jamie's would-be therapist. Jealousy continued to roll in like a lick of a flame as the image of Jamie pouring his heart out to a beautiful woman burned hot in her guts. The sudden urgent need to see him made her want to sprint out of the cottage at full speed, but a dose of decorum kept her rooted on the spot. "So, Jamie wasn't interested, huh? Not even the teeny, tiniest bit?" she squeaked, annoyed at the sudden change in her voice.

She thought she saw a muscle twitched along Willie's jaw, but she must have imagined it. Looking like he was sucking the inside of his cheek, he shook his head. "No. Never. And ye have nought to worry about, Claire. Jamie only has eyes for ye."

She swallowed the bitter taste of doubt. "Not worried," she lied, sipping her coffee. But in the true sense of the word, she already felt loads better after the enlightening conversation with Willie. It had taken the edge off her worry over Jamie's condition, even though she still couldn't erase the thought of Jenny pushing Jamie towards Geneva.

"Maybe ye should attend a therapy session with Jamie ...at least initially," he suggested, eyeing her closely as if trying to read her thoughts. "That way, it would put Jamie at ease, and Geneva would realise he's taken already."

Claire slowly placed her cup on the countertop. "Why do I get the feeling this meddling thing is inherent in your family?" she asked, feigning disapproval.

Willie put his own cup down. "Not inherent, Claire. I have my own selfish motive. Ye're the best friend of my Annalise, and I wouldn't be helping my cause if she finds out I've done nought to help ye." When Claire gasped, he grinned. "Kidding aside, even if Annalise wasn't my girlfriend, I want ye to know, I really like you for my brother."

Claire could barely see through the tears she hadn't been aware that was building up. "You sound so sure."

Willie placed his hand over hers and squeezed it. "Are ye sure about my brother?"

"With all my heart," she whispered.

"That's all I need to know."

..........

Jamie slowly opened his eyes and took in the familiar surroundings of his old room. His heart throbbed when he realised the last time he'd slept here had been on New Year's eve, with Claire tucked snuggly on the crook of his arm. Bracing himself up on his elbows, he heard his mother talking to Jenny and his da downstairs. They were probably in the kitchen discussing his state.

He rubbed his face with one hand, feeling the beginning of a day-old stubble, exhaustion washing over him in waves. A mixture of self-loathing and guilt rose within as he replayed the incident from the night before. He couldn't decide what pained him the most, the bruises he'd inflicted on Claire or the fact he'd left her in tears standing in his driveway.

When he'd taken off from his cottage, his heart had been heavy and thoughts dark, not having had any clue what he wanted to do or where to go, only determinedly pushing himself to get as far away from Claire as possible. A few hours later, he'd found himself parked outside his childhood home after Willie and Murtagh had woken him up in his car. So far, he'd only talked to his older brother Willie, and he hoped it would be enough to keep the rest of his family's questions at bay.

Sitting up, he realised he was still in his clothes. He searched for his phone and found it on the nightstand. Swiping the screen, he saw he had a few missed calls from clients and a voice message from Claire. Willie must have switched his phone to silence.

I should call her, he thought. It wouldn't be that difficult. Her voice would soothe him, and her lack of judgement would make him feel like he's on solid ground. He could show his worst, and he knew she'd still be there, smiling and soothing him with words, just like last night. Every hour that passed without seeing her or hearing from her put him a little more off centre, and he could see how too reliant he was becoming on those breaths of fresh air that sprung from her. He shook his head. She was too precious to be with someone who had this nonstop ugliness embedded in the insides of his head. It would only be a matter of time before he dragged her into his hell. He couldn't do that to her.

He was about to tap on Claire's voice message when he was alerted by a double knock on the door.

"Jamie, are ye awake, son?" It was his father.

"Come in," he answered, his voice still hoarse from sleep.

The door opened, and he saw his mother walk in first with a mug of tea. "My darling boy," she smiled, placing the hot brew on the bedside table. "I thought ye could use a bit of something warm in yer belly. How are ye feeling?" She stooped down and kissed him on the forehead.

Jamie scooted back to the headboard to make space for his mother while his father took the chair. "Exhausted," he said honestly. Although he'd slept all morning, it hadn't been a restful sleep.

His father, Brian, cleared his throat. "So ... what's going on with ye, lad?" he asked, cutting to the chase as usual.

Ellen sent her husband a warning glare before refocusing her attention back to Jamie. "Whenever ye're ready, darling," she reassured him, patting his thigh. "Willie vaguely told us what happened, and Jenny is beside herself thinking she triggered yer panic attack yesterday. And Claire ...ye never told us she's here. She's worried sick about ye."

Jamie sighed. "What's there to tell." He leaned back and stared at the ceiling. "It wasnae Jenny's fault. It's just the same old, same old. The only difference this time is, I made a stupid mistake getting Claire involved with me. And I'm hurting her in the process."

Ellen briefly looked at her husband. "I find that hard to believe, Jamie. Ye're such a gentle soul, ye could never ever hurt a fly even if it's bugging ye to bits. Did ye two have a fight? Did Claire say ye were hurting her?" she asked Jamie gently.

"No. I just know I am."

"Oh, darling ..."

"So that's it ..." Brian raised his hands in the air before letting them drop to his sides. "Ye're giving in to this condition ye've fought hard against all yer life when the chance for happiness finally present itsel' to ye because ye THINK ye are hurting Claire. Is that what ye're trying to tell us? Because believe ye me, we didnae raise a violent or abusive son. So enlighten us ...where in heaven's name is this all coming from?"

"Brian!"

"It's a futile fight," Jamie blurted before taking a deep breath. "Trust me ... I'd like to have what ye both have. But at what cost? Look at the state of me. Is this the kind of man Claire deserves? She's willing to turn her life upside down for me, and for what? Only to find out later she'd saddled herself with a mentally ill man. So perhaps it's for the best she lucked out early before its too late for either of us."

His mother moved closer to his side and took his hand. "So let me get this straight. Ye're staying away from Claire because ye like her a lot, and ye're afraid to hurt her." Pain clenched tight on his vocal cords, incapacitating him to answer, but she interpreted his silence as a yes. Even though it's far more complex than that. "Oh, sweet lord, how youth is so wasted on the young," she clucked.

"Aye, perhaps." He rubbed a hand behind his neck. "But trust me, I ken fine what the problem is."

"Oh, is that so?"

His father's sarcasm wasn't lost on him, but he ignored it in favour of the pressure sinking into his chest. "I ken I hold back a lot from everyone, and I ken too that's wrong. When things get too much, I keep my mouth shut. And I dinnae realised at first that suffering in silence damages, instead of helping. Though it's easier said than done, I'm working on it. All I ever wanted was no' to be a burden or be the cause of anyone's pain. Claire deserves more."

Ellen sighed. "Jamie ...Jamie ... ye're never a burden. Ye're a delight, and we're so proud of ye. Ye need to understand, ever since ye were a wee bairn, ye've always needed a purpose, like fixing everyone's problem because it gave ye satisfaction to see ye've righted someone's world. Whenever someone was hurting, ye're always the first to reach out." Her shoulders lifted in a shrug. "I thought it was endearing at first until it began to take over yer life. The trauma you've gone through only amplified yer true nature to a point it wasnae healthy anymore. And the guilt that came with it when ye can do nought and thought you've failed ...almost destroyed ye every time." She shifted on the bed. "Jamie ...ye have to stop denying yersel' a chance for happiness because ye're afraid of hurting or failing someone. Pain is part of life. It's inevitable. Though it's good of ye to think of others first, sometimes, it's also good to let others carry that burden for ye and help ye. Running away because ye're afraid of hurting someone is no' gonnae to do anyone any good. Ye'll only end up hurting yersel'. And when that happens, who's going to help ye?"

His mother's logic made sense, but the chatter in his brain continued to hold its ground. "Claire's been through a lot, ma."

"And so have ye, son," Brian interjected, firmly.

"But what if I make things worse for both of us?"

"Oh my sweet boy, what if ye end up happy together?" Ellen smiled. "I ken a crystal ball would come in handy right now, but because we dinnae have one, the only way to find out is to take the risk and hope for the best. Just like what Claire is doing."

Jamie shut his eyes for a while and pictured them together. Every fibre in his body was screaming to get in his car and drive back to Broch Mordha and start making it up to Claire. But his mother was right ...he needed help. He didn't want to put Claire through all that misery again, so he decided right there and then he would start attending therapy afresh. It was the way forth, and he'd held off attending therapy for too long, which might have worsened his condition. But first things first. He needed to be in the right headspace to start doing anything.

"Fine, I'll call the clinic later for an appointment but do ye mind if I rest some more. I'm still feeling a bit off."

The chair scraped the wooden floor as Brian stood up. "Aye, of course. Ye look worn to a frazzle."

Ellen reached out and pulled Jamie into her arms and kissed him on the cheek. "I'll be downstairs if ye need anything." She got up and ruffled his hair as if he was still a wee boy. "And I've made leek and tattie soup in case ye're hungry."

"Thanks, ma."

His parents were just about to walk out when Jenny strode in. "Hey."

Jamie rubbed his forehead with his fingers. "Jenny, can we talk later? I'd like to be alone for a bit."

Brian and Ellen gave his sister a warning look as they left the room, but she just shrugged. "I promise this willnae take long. Please, Jamie?"

Jamie waved a hand. "Fine. What is it?"

He watched his sister retrieve something from her jeans' pocket. "Mrs Fitz from the Airbnb gave me this. One of her clients staying over her place left an Oxford Mail newspaper a couple of weeks ago. As she was browsing through it, she came across Claire's name." She handed him a newspaper clipping. "Looks like yer wee girlfriend is an heiress."

"What? Let me see that."

Jamie skimmed through the short article about some property in Fox Lane, Boars Hill in Oxford. It said it was formerly part of the Berkeley Castle Estate. The original part of the house had been designed by the celebrated architect Sir Ernest George for Lord Berkeley, a family ancestor from her mother side. The house had apparently garnered loads of interest among the local rich after being recently vacated by a local MP. It mentioned the original owners' name as Henry and Julia Beauchamp, deceased, and the heiress as Claire Elizabeth Beauchamp.

Was this the South Lodge property Claire had been talking about she'd inherited from her parents? He hadn't really given it much thought ever since she'd casually mentioned it. This was a far cry from the cabin in the woods he'd envisioned.

"Three million pounds for a house!" Jenny broke through his reflection. "Doesn't it make ye wonder what else she inherited?"

Jamie looked at the paper again. That's what the house is worth? Ach, Christ! Even the Oxford gossip found its way to Broch Mordha. He knew Claire would be mortified if the news of her assets became everyone's favourite topic of conversation.

Folding the note, he handed it back to his sister. He saw Claire a little differently now. All that money in the world and all she only ever wanted was a place to belong to. Suddenly he felt awful for leaving her last night. He shook his head at his sister. "Not a word about this to any of yer mates!" he warned her. "Or else ..."

Jenny's eyes widened. "What do ye take me for?"

"A babble merchant," he ribbed, unsmiling. "Now, let me be."

"Ye're no' angry at me still, are ye?"

"No," he sighed. "I'm just exhausted."

"Can I do anything for ye?"

He puffed out a breath. Jenny was looking at him earnestly, and he knew she only wanted to reach out. "Aye, in fact, ye can. Ye can arrange that appointment with the therapist for me."

She smiled, seemingly happy to please. "Right on it. If ye need anything else ..."

"Aye, aye, I'll let ye know."

Jenny left, and somehow, he felt a little less heavy in the heart than he did when he woke up earlier. Grabbing his phone, he tapped play on Claire's voice message.

"Hey, it's me. Just letting you know how much I miss you. I felt a little sad earlier, so I wandered into a cafe in the village centre after Willie left. They had this upbeat music playing in the background. It's an old song. Probably from the eighties or nineties, I'm not quite sure. It's pretty cheesy, but it brought a smile to my face. And now I can't get the music out of my head. Maybe if you listen to it too, it will bring a smile to your face. It's from Rick Astley, Never Gonna Give You Up." There was a pause before she spoke again. "Right, I'll let you rest. Willie told me that's what you've been doing. I'm going to take Rollo out for a walk now and try to get some work done. I'll text and send you a voice message later. I love you."

Ah, Sassenach! He swiped the screen to phone her, but his phone beeped and died. Ah, shite! He wanted to go and see her now but stopped. He had to take steps to make himself better first. He needed to put in the hours to help himself. She deserved the extra time he would put in because she's not getting half-arsed from him again. But for now ...

He scrambled out of bed and opened the bedroom door.

"Ma!" he called out.

"What is it, dear?"

"Do ye still have all yer old music from yer university days?"

"Anything in particular?"

He cringed inwardly. Ah, fuck! "Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Astley?"

He thought he heard females sniggering downstairs.

Dear Readers,

Thank you so much for your patience with the previous chapter and, mostly, the feedback and beautiful comments. I hope this latest update felt a lot lighter to read. I'll keep this short as I'm drained today; nevertheless, I wish you a great weekend.

Looking forward to reading what you think of this update. Take care always, and keep those love vibes rolling. Much love. X

[scapegrace74-blog]

Do You Want To?

A/N The second prompt-inspired Metric Universe fic, this time in response to a request for Jealous Jamie/Claire by @stellarpuffin. Often we see Jamie being the jealous one, but this idea came to me fully formed. Set way back at the beginning of the Metric timeline, sometime between Breathing Underwater and Lost Kitten. Claire POV, and also just a hint of Jamie/John. Inspired by the Franz Ferdinand song and video referenced in the title, which is gloriously sexually ambiguous and can be seen here.

The entire Metric Universe is available on my AO3 page.

November 14, 2015

Village Underground, Shoreditch, London, England

"Are ye gonna bid on something?" Geillis asked as they made their way through a Tube car converted into an art installation space.

The friends stopped in front of a nine foot pastiche of rubber hoses, protrusions of oil paint and copper plating that seemed to be the artist's interpretation of what it might look like if a factory puked.

"I made my donation when I paid for my ticket," Claire replied. "Intriguing as these pieces are, if I don't mind every penny I'll end up homeless myself."

"Like I'd ever let that happen tae ye," her friend scoffed. "Let's head back tae the main buildin' then and make certain ye get yer money's worth in free food, at least."

Crisis UK's semi-annual fundraiser was a charity auction. Despite her jest, Claire was a regular contributor, having seen the physical and social toll of homelessness first-hand through her work at the hospital. The venue was a converted coal storage warehouse, renovated to the height of Functional Industrial Disrepair, and it echoed with the voices of patrons from all walks of life. Signature cocktails in hand, the two women stood to one side of the room and gossiped between morsels of finger food lifted from passing servers.

"Weeeel, if it isn't the wee fox cub," Geillis remarked with evil glee.

Muddled by several drinks downed in quick succession, Claire looked about for a stray forest animal. What she saw was nearly as unexpected. Standing out amongst the crowd of black dresses and expensive distressed jeans, Jamie Fraser's defiantly chaotic curls and trim navy blue uniform drew her eyes like a magnet. He was leaning down, listening in apparent rapt attention to a petite blonde woman with eyes take took up half her face and a crop top that started its life as a handkerchief.

"Thas' Leery Mackenzie," Geillis noted. "A more persistent flirt ye ne'er did meet, an' thas' comin' from me. Puir lad is in need of rescue."

In truth she barely knew the young fireman, besides having once been the only obstacle standing between his mangled body and the afterlife, but she found herself vaguely disappointed in his choice of company. But who was she to judge? Even heroes were entitled to an easy piece of tail now and then. After all, hadn't he dated Geillis once?

"Don't let me stop you, Duncan. I'll just stand here and hold up this derelict wall."

"Och, nah. Been there, done that. I think ye're the right woman fer the job, Beauchamp."

"Me?" she began to protest, but just then the background music ceased and a well-dressed man called for everyone to take their seats so that the auction could begin.

In addition to the art on display, a number of companies had donated services and experiences to be bid upon. Claire found herself wishing she could afford to indulge in the spa getaway package or a weekend for two in Margate. But then again, who would she take? Instead, she sipped on her drink and observed the crowd as item after item went on the block. Jamie was nowhere to be seen, but his blond friend sat in the front row, her bare shoulders glimmering under the bright lights. Who wore glitter to a charity auction, even in Shoreditch, she wondered uncharitably.

"Our next item on offer is sure to bring a smile to some lucky lady's face," the announcer intoned. "Lot 23 is an all-expenses paid night on the town with one of London Fire Brigade's bright young stars, Mister April himself, James Fraser. And here he is now. I'll start the bidding at fifty pounds."

Claire didn't know where to look first. Next to her, Geillis let out an abbreviated cry, sounding like a strangled goat. On the stage, Jamie had sauntered into the limelight, copperplate curls alight and tall, broad form neatly sheathed in navy blue. And in the front row, a glitter-strewn arm shot skyward before the auctioneer even named his starting price.

"Excellent, I have fifty pounds from the enthusiastic young lady in the front row. Do I hear sixty pounds?"

Hands were raised from elsewhere in the audience, but each time Leery answered with a higher bid.   Soon it was only the blonde tart and a slim dark-haired man with astonishingly long eyelashes who were bidding against each other.  

Claire watched to see if Jamie appeared uneasy with the idea of going on a date with another man, but he smiled easily any time the rivals outbid each other.  He wasn’t a vain man, in her estimation, but he wore his striking looks with an easy confidence that was undeniably sexy.  If you were into that sort of thing, that is.

“I have one hundred and sixty pounds from the young lady in front.  Do I hear one hundred and seventy pounds?”

The dark haired man shook his head, looking sincerely disappointed.  Claire felt a pang of sympathetic compassion.

“...once. Going twice. Final call.  I have one hundred and seventy pounds from a new bidder in the back!”

Every head swiveled around to where Claire sat, her arm raised on high.  Leery narrowed her eyes as though Claire had just cursed her lineage.  From the stage, Jamie made eye contact, instantly recognizing her. Perhaps she was deluding herself, but she felt he looked relieved.

“What happened tae livin’ on the streets?” Geillis snickered as the auctioneer recommenced the bidding.

“I’m banking on the fact that you took me in as a stray once before,” Claire retorted as she lifted her hand a second time.

When all was said and done, she ended up paying two hundred and ten pounds to go out on a date with a man she barely knew.  For reasons she couldn’t fathom, saving Jamie from Leery’s avid clutches was more important than her own ambivalence and enforced frugality.

“Ye never cease tae amaze me, Claire,” Geillis laughed after the auction concluded.  “Never in a million years would I have predicted ye had a crush on yon fox cub.”

“That’s because I don’t have a crush on him,” she denied.  “I just find the whole idea of a man, or a woman, mind you, selling himself like a piece of meat incredibly distasteful.”

“Oh, aye,” her friend grinned.  “Tis a noble deed ye’ve done, tae be sure.  An’ now that ye’ve saved him from the butcher’s block, whatever are ye tae do wit’ him?”

“I haven’t the faintest...”

“Good evenin’ tae ye, Nurse Beauchamp.  Geillis.”

The piece of meat in question stood before them, even more impressive at close range.  Just over his left shoulder she could see Leery looking on in disgust, a moue of despair painted on her ample lips.

After a few casual pleasantries, Jamie said, “Sae, Ms. Beauchamp, shall I give ye my number so we can arrange a time fer our wee outing?  I was thinking dinner an’ a show, but if ye prefer live music we could...”

“There won’t be any need to exchange numbers, Mr. Fraser.  Save your money, or better yet, donate it to the fundraiser.”

The look Leery gave her as she and a hysterical Geillis left to grab their coats was worth every penny.

[the-writers-bookshelf]

For fab Friday! I just started a new WIP (horror/romance) and I am obsessed with the main couple. Their names are Blair and Alex, and I haven't gotten a chance to write much for them yet (I'm only on page 46) but I did get to write a few scenes of them. This is my favorite so far :)

(Sorry it's so long)

It’s two weeks before Halloween, and I’m eighteen years old, frowning at the list of colleges on my laptop. The screen is too bright in my dark room, and there’s no end to the names and choices, and I don’t know if I’m smart enough for any of this. For any of these schools.

“Knock, knock.”

My head snaps up as my laptop screen snaps down. Force of habit. I don’t want my parents to know that I’m looking into college. Not because they wouldn’t let me go, but because I’m not sure I have it in me to disappoint them when I inevitably choose not to go.

The voice came from my window, though, not my door.

When I see him, grinning at me through the glass, I hop up immediately and yank the window open – because being cool is overrated and I’m glad for the distraction. “God, it’s cold out,” I say, pulling him inside. His fingers are chilly when I grab them. They’re always chilly. He has ice water instead of blood, I always say.

“Yeah,” he puffs, sticking one frozen hand under the hem of my shirt so the cold makes me jump.

“Dick!” I laugh.

He grins. “Wasn’t this song in Twilight?”

I pretend to listen to the music coming from my phone speaker, as if I’m not sure. (I am sure.) (It is from Twilight.) Then I shrug. “It’s a good song.”

He snorts and collapses on my bed, uninvited. “Are you Team Edward or Team Jacob?” he asks, grabbing one of my pillows and stuffing it under his head.

“I’m team ‘don’t mess up my bed’, actually.”

“Ha-ha.” He looks at my laptop, then gives me an eyebrow. “What were you looking at?”

My pause is probably suspicious, but really, I’m just not sure I want to talk about college again. Not to my genius boyfriend who thinks I can do whatever I set my mind to – because I can’t. Some things just aren’t achievable, and that’s life.

Clearly, his big brain doesn’t automatically go to ‘college applications’ when he sees his boyfriend snapping his laptop shut. He bolts upright, a scandalized look on his face. “Blair Zachary David!”

“Oh, no – I wasn’t—” But before I can even finish my sentence, he’s got the laptop open. I cross my arms and wait for him to look at me. At least if I look mad, he might have the decency not to mention it.

When he does look at me, though, he takes in my frown and my folded arms, and the fact that I’m still standing here instead of crawling into the bed next to him, and he sighs.

“Can I just say one thing?” he asks, closing my computer and pushing it away.

I press my lips together but nod. “One thing.”

“If you do decide to go to college…” he says, enunciating the ‘if’ so I know he isn’t pressuring me. “It won’t change anything.”

I make a face. “Isn’t that what college is supposed to do? Change everything?”

He rolls his eyes and tugs at the bottom of my tee-shirt. “With us, I mean. It won’t change anything about us. We’ll still see each other. It won’t hurt us.”

“I never said it would.” Even as it comes out of my mouth, cold and clammed-up and far too angry, I know I’ve screwed myself. He reads me so well I might as well be one of the millions of books in his room. And that wasn’t exactly subtle.

He tilts his head down and looks at me from the tops of his eyes, like, ‘caught ya.’

“Blair.”

“What.”

“It won’t. It won’t touch us.”

“How do you know?”

He stands up and pulls my shirt again. He’s always doing that, doing these little pestering things. Pokes, and pulls, and touches. He’s all hands, I swear.

“I know,” he says seriously. “Because it’s us. You and me. And nothing touches us, Blair. We’ll be okay.”

I step around him and climb onto the bed, grabbing my phone and scrolling further down the playlist. “Anyway, that’s not why I’m not going,” I mutter. And it’s true. My fears about our relationship are only a drop in the ocean of reasons why I can’t go to school. In a way, I know he’s right about us. We’re time-tested. We’re fireproof.

“Then why not?” he asks, sitting on the floor by my legs.

“You said one thing.”

“Blair, come on…”

I shake my head and look at the ceiling, at the fake popcorn ceiling and the familiar crack that’s been there my entire life. If I look anywhere else, if I look at him, my resolve will crumble and I’ll tell him it’s because I’m not smart enough or confident enough to do this, and we’ll have to go through the whole argument again, and I don’t want to. I don’t want him to look me in the eye and say I’m smart, and talented, and amazing. And I don’t want to see how much he believes it himself.

I can’t go. And that’s that.

“I don’t want to talk about this right now,” I say. “Please.”

He exhales deeply, and then I feel him climbing into the bed and laying down beside me. “Okay,” he says, giving in. (For now.) “Okay.”

“Thanks.” I grab his hand and squeeze it gratefully. Cold fingers.

He rolls over to face me. “Oh. What happened in gym today?” he asks, like he just remembered something. “I wasn’t there, but Cath told me you almost got into a fight?”

Ah, the other thing I don’t want to talk about. It’s like he has a gift for this. “Almost being the operative word.”

“Blair!” He pokes me in the rib. I swat his hand away and rub the spot where his bony, little finger jabbed me.

“What?” I huff. “Nothing happened.”

“Luckily. We’re eighteen, you know. Adults. Fights can be serious shit now.”

“Tell that to Jamie Buck.”

“Jamie Buck?” He wrinkles his nose like he just smelled something rotten. “The homophobe?”

“Yeah, exactly.”

“Oh. What did he—”

“You don’t want to know.”

“Oh.”

We lay in silence for a while, both of us pensive and frowning at the ceiling. The song changes again. Lana Del Rey. One of her slow ones.

Out of the blue, he blurts out, “I wish I had been there when Jamie opened his dumb mouth.”

I actually laugh. It’s probably rude, but I can’t help it. “What are you going to do, five-foot-five?” I ask, still giggling. “Bite his ankle?”

His mouth falls open in offence. “Et tu, Brute?”

“What?”

“Et tu brute. Julius Caesar?”

“What?”

“Julius Caesar, the—the Roman dictator? Got stabbed like a thousand times—”

“I know who Julius Caesar is.”

“Well, when he was dying, he said ‘et tu, Brute’ to his best friend, Brutus. Who also stabbed him. It means like, ‘even you, Brutus?’ Like, I can’t believe you, of all people, would betray me.’”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“How do you even know that?”

He stares at me. “It’s—I don’t know! It’s a thing! Even if it wasn’t a thing, it’s a meme. How do you not know?”

I shove him. “I’m, like, two years behind on memes. You know this about me.”

“That’s because you spend all your time in here, brooding. And anyway, Julius Caesar was stabbed to death, like, two thousand years ago. So…”

“Shut up.”

“Just saying.”

“I hate you.”

“I know.” He pauses. “Hey.”

“Yeah?” But he doesn’t say anything. Not until I turn to look at him. Our noses are almost touching. I wouldn’t even have to move to kiss him.

I’m seriously considering it when he says, “We would be okay, you know. If you decided to go.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” He kisses my forehead then, and his lips are warm and soft. How can his lips be so warm when his fingers are so cold? “We could be that annoying couple everyone hates but is secretly jealous of. The ones who are always on video calls, even in class, wearing headphones so the professor doesn’t notice.”

“That’ll be easier for me than it will be for you,” I point out. “I wear hoodies every day.”

“My point exactly.”

It hasn’t escaped my notice that we are, most definitely, talking about it again. But I’m looking at him now, at his shaggy hair, and his button nose, and his pink mouth, and my resolve has crumbled. As I knew it would.

“Just think about it,” he asks. “Please?”

“Yeah, yeah. Okay.”

When he smiles at me, I swear my heart is an electric thing trying to zap its way out of my chest.

HALLOWEEN???

HORROR/ROMANCE??

SIGN ME UP!!! TAKE MY FIRST BORN!!! I'M SO DOWN FOR THIS!! :D

fantastic job!!!!

[beecherdrysdale]

Hiii how are you ? I fell down the stairs today and cried for a minute straight #hormones. Dw I have a high pain tolerance but I just started sobbing lol. It happens. LONG post ahead, I kinda went off hehe.

Anyways let’s get started!! Yes quinton gets to be upfront because he would probably feel so uncomfortable(no offence) with all the sexual tension going on there if dyl or jamie were in the front hehe. But yes they would be bitchy about who gets to sit upfront “ no Jamie it’s mine turn to sit with Brigid” “ no it’s my turn dylan you just sat with her” so brigid would get fed up and banishes them to the back hehe. Lmao Brigid can we listen to Katy perry now? The silence!! And then no can we listen to Lady Gaga?. Quinton trying not to lose it in the front seat. If I had to chose tho I would chose lady gaga:) wbu?

Get ready to be beat! Yes Ryan is absolutely not sitting upfront w me! We would be crazy and I wanna win so. Quinner is sitting up front w me but he decided to be .... and I’m banish him to the back. Braden is the most chill so he’s sitting upfront and giving me directions!! Haha dyl yelling at you to drive faster, but no I will beat both hehe;). Kesh who’s sitting up front w you? Would Kirby be handsy😏?. We would have to make so many stops lol. Like it’s just nostalgic for us, but new for you so it would be fun to make pit stops. and we would just be taking so many Instagram photos as a group and w our boys and together ! We love that ! “Wait wait wait Lexi pull over, I remember this place I wanna take photos” lol this is bad hehe.

Lmao yes, your hair would be so tangled!! They would be panicking a bit because they’re like omg she’s gonna be so mad.... honestly Ryan would just take the photo and then post it but then Dylan would repost it and then Jamie and then me lol. Honestly I kinda love when people just take videos of being in the car w like the scenery showing, but this would include us laughing and listening to music! I hope they makes sense. Hehe Ryan or Dylan would probably take photos of Braden, cozzy and devon sleeping and would post it. Back to the hair: hehe yes I can see you giving them a death glare when you realize and your getting mad and would hide. I’m just imagining this in my head, like me pulling over and you running out of the car and quinton and devon fixing your hair lol. Somebody would be filming this no doubt.

Music wise, yes I love blasting music and people looking but it’s kinda a flex when they see who we are with.... I like rap too! What song do u like Brigid?. Country will be played and 2000’s which is fun! I’m good with anything !. Kesh I love hype up songs as well and bass heavy songs because they sound good on speakers hehe. I’ve been into Rihanna for the past week and I was working out to her music- where have you been, rude boy, bitch better have my money lol, pon de replay hit different but also S&M for some sexiness. Lmao sorry I’m just listing Rihanna songs that I love atm. What are your fav songs right now? Awww dancing on the side of the road is so soft, but everybody needs a dance break! Cozzy, Devon and Braden are some how still passed out, I admire that. Late night drives🥺 are we spicing this up 😏.

Hehe you and devon are swamped w emails and more and you’re like kirby can you please go w them we need somebody to watch them. Als yes quinton go take those hot photos . I admire Dylan’s sleep schedule, like good job on catching up on sleep. Kirbys just trying to sweet talk you and kiss you so that you wouldn’t be mad. All in all, kesh is just shocked like how is that possible? Lmao Brigid, Ryan and I w the shopping cart just stocking up on popcorn, chips m&ms, I love that. Jamie and Dylan are racing each other to see who can grab the most cereal and made sure that they are getting the correct ones for Brigid. Honestly all the boys are just confused about how grocery shopping works hehe. The crackhead energy. Kirby is panicking. We literally bought out all the snacks. Beaver tails are delish and I know where you can get them so 😃. I want to stuff Quinner’s mouth w beaver tails cuz that’s cute:) yes healthy food is a must, like fruits, veggies, rice cakes hehe. But remember that we are going to workout on this vacay hehe. After the grocery store we would go into the mall or something and the boys would just be wanting to buy video games 😂 and ps5’s. Also kesh I love how some of the boys are just trying on clothes. Why do I get a feeling that one of the boys would just be filming all of this?

The chirping will happen nonstop, I’m sorry it’s just to much inspo. Aww yes they are blushing real hard, cuz they like you soooo much. But Brigid is enjoying touching them so no prob.

The boat is a must and it is happening!! Hehe yes the tubing would be chaotic, everybody is just trying to get each other to fall in 😂. Ryan thinks that he’s getting away w pushing me in but SIKE you are coming with me. So then we’re just fighting in the water. Quinner would be like where did they go?. Hehe brigid gets so wrapped up in laughing at us that Braden pushes her in haha. Yes we all look super hot in our bikinis, and the boys are speechless! Like dyl and Jamie are just like wow, she looks so amazing! And Kirby is so in love w you, he’s like I’m the luckiest man ever. I’m still gonna make sure that I wear a non tie bikini so that it doesn’t untie, like one time I was in the boat and my friend pulled on the string and the entire thing untied and I just jumped in the water to retie. That is not happening again lol. Quinner would be mad hehe. Idk I’m seeing Brigid in a black bikini or maybe a dark blue one? It would match your eyes?. Kesh in a red one or yellow and me maybe in a green one or just black lol. Hehe yes kesh and Kirby are just doing cute couple stuff and keeping an eye out but we are to chaotic to maintain .

Hehe yes ig we are clingy but cute drunks but I get kinda wild when I drink so the body shots would def happen. It would be hot tbh. Yes somebody do body shots w Brigid. Dylan would step up first, and he would be enjoying it and then Jamie sees and is like no it’s my turn so he does it and in the end it’s just a competition and you all get drunk hehe. Kesh and Kirby are the parents of the clubbing trip no offence.. like wanna go help cozzy and devon? Hehe lol I could just be dancing w Brigid and the boys would get jealous and one of them would just come up and be like excuse may I cut in, and i would be like tf but then they give me a glare and I go dance sexy with Quinner or crazy w Ryan. Kesh and Kirby should dance at least at one point during this time. We all look hot btw :)

Hehe yay I can be friends w Dylan :) I want that friendship to happen tbh. but he’s getting jealous but I’m like let them have their moment, so I distract him a bit w talking.

Girls day is a must! I wanna hang out w you so badly. Some cute clothing will be bought! Ooo yes us modelling and them being in awe. Oo kesh a different modelling show w the boys 😏. The boys are getting handsy esp Dylan and Jamie hehe. And they are super protective so no other guy at the club gets any ideas. After tho it’s biker shorts, sweat pants and hoodies type of vacay lol .

Thank you for reading ! Hope you enjoy mes chéries💗🌸

yes ok so loooong post ahead people

oof that tough falling down the stairs lol. honestly i’m not doing to great right now bc i did not do as well as i wanted at my meet, so now i’m in a funky headspace. but hopefully answering this ask will help, and i can get my shit together before my events tomorrow (which are actually my important events)

haha yes dyl and jamie would just be arguing like “no it’s my turn to sit in front, no you just did it’s my turn” lmao. and then whenever they’re sitting in the front there’s just too much tension for quinton to deal with lol. so then i feel bad for quinton so i banish the other guys to the back and let him sit in the front hehe. and i’m just ignoring the other guys and refuse to play either of their music and i let quinton pick. and if we purposely pick songs we know the other guys hate, that’s a secret we’ll never tell. oof between those two idk, probably lady gaga, but again we’re not playing music jamie and dyl like lol. 

haha no, you get ready to get beat. i’m like an INSANE driver when i want to be. and ofc dylan is just yelling at me “faster brigid, hurry tf up! we have to beat everyone” so then we’re just zooming. but then obviously you’re doing your best to keep up so you have to banish ryan to the back so he doesn’t distract you. and then you let quinner sit up front until he starts getting too handsy bc you’re like no i won’t let myself get distracted. so then braden’s up front giving directions and trying to get you to go faster, but i’m still winning lol. and then kesh is also still in the race, and she and kirby are just chilling in the front bc everyone else’s asleep. ooooh yes making lots of pit stops bc nostalgia for all of you canadians. and then me and kesh are just seeing all the sights for the first time. oooooh yes all the cute insta pics we could take

ooooh yes people taking vids of like the music and scenery would be so cute to post as stories. and ofc all of us laughing and stuff, that would be so cute. anyways yes, my hair would be a hugeeee knot. and i would just give them the death glare, like you’ve got to be fucking kidding me. and jamie and dyl just try to hide from me, like they run away as soon as the car is stopped. and then devon and quinton fix it for me, god bless their souls. like i’m sorry, bc even i wouldn’t want to deal with that. ik how my hair can get. and this would be allllll over everyone’s stories ofc lmao

ok yessss our music game is on point tbh. ok so for rap, the artists i’m really into rn are juice wrld (rip i actually loved him sm), kid laroi (who learned from juice, so he sounds a lot like him), trippie redd, mgk, and nf. also iann dior, but he’s not so much rap as r&b. honestly any of their songs slap. and then ofc country and early 2000′s. and any music with good bass, but i think a lot of the artists i said have that. ooooh yes getting out to have a dance party on the side of the road. hehe it could be really crazy. or alternatively, it could be when you’re out on a late night drive and there’s a slow song on the radio and you guys just get out and slow dance to the song together no this is not at all inspired by the song slow dance in a parking lot anyways yes late night drives are so cute. but then of course they can get spicy 😏 in case you couldn’t tell i’m always down for it to get spicy lmao

haha yes quinton and dylan c. honestly have their priorities straight. and devon and kesh are swamped with director duties, so that leaves kirby in charge. so then ofc when we get home kirbs tries to sweet talk kesh, but she’s just not having it. she’s just like how? anywaysssss at the store we have the most duo of ryan and lexi, plus now i’m added into the mix, and it’s just a mess. like we buy a shit ton of popcorn, pretzels, chips, candy, etc. and we literally bought half the store’s supply of everything lmao. and then dyl and jamie are just in the cereal aisle trying to grab as much cereal as they can. whichever one of them gets we chocolate mini wheats i will love forever. and then kirby’s getting healthy food bc yk he’s trying to be responsible. so then kesh has to explain that his whole job was to make sure everyone else was getting healthy food, not just get it himself lmao. but honestly none of the guys actually know what they’re doing lmao. and then we obviously have to get beaver tails to so lexi and quinner can have a moment, but idk where you get those lol. but yes we will be working out a ton on this vacay, so it’s ok that we have sm junk food lol. and then after we’re done with food, the guys decide to wander the mall and then they just buy a ton of video game and then they’re trying on clothes lol. and yes obvi they’re videoing the whole thing bc they’re secretly middle school girls who want to have a blog lmao

hehe yes me getting chirped the whole trip, esp the boat day. and the guys are getting so embarrassed about it, but i just don’t care lmao. and then the whole boat day is so chaotic obvi. when ryan pushes lexi in, quinner will come back and just be confusion lmao. like where’s lexi. and then i’m dying laughing and then braden sneaks over and pushes me in lol. but yes we all look amazing in our bikinis. like kirby is just so in love with kesh and thinks she looks gorgeous 😍 and then dyl and jamie are just like damn you look hot about me lol bc we’re horny ones on this trip apparently. and i’ll wear a tie-back jolyn bc they actually stay on lol. and then ofc quinner thinks lexi looks super good, but then she tells the story about the last time she wore a tie-back and he’s just like why didn’t you do it again? lmao. ooooh for bikinis i like a black top with a print on the bottoms idk why. and then you guys in whichever color you want. also yes kesh and kirby are trying to be responsible during this, but it’s just not working lol

haha yep i can definitely see you and quinner being wild drunks together (it’s more like when the alcohol is wearing off that you guys get really clingy) so obvi you guys start doing body shots. and ofc it turns into a jamie/dyl competition bc what doesn’t? and then me and lexi are just dancing sexy together, yk like two drunk girls do, and then dyl or jamie tries to come over and cut in and at first you won’t let them but then you finally give in and go dance with quinner instead. and then yeah, no offense kesh and kirby, but y’all are the parents here. like making sure we don’t do anything too too dumb lmao. and also being a wingman for some of the other guys. but you guys def dance together at least a little bit too. and obvi we all look hot

yessss i feel like you and dyl could be super chaotic friends too. so the two of you are just chilling together and then you have to distract him lol, but then after that you have a different chaotic friend for when ryan’s not available lmao

yes yes yes, girl’s day would be so fun. and then we get a ton of cute new clothes so obvi we have to model them. and they’re all just in awe, like those are our girls. but then we also do private modeling shows 😏 and we all know how that ends. and then when we’re in our clubbing clothes obvi they are getting super protective over us bc we look so hot and we’re their girls, so no other guys can get ideas. but then once they’re drunk they’re handsy as hell lol. but then the rest of the vacay ends ups spent in hoodies, sweats, and athletic shorts lol. and obvi some of the guys’ clothes

ughhhh i love this, the whole thing was amazing. 10/10

[randomcactaceae]

Damie prompt: college au - Dani is popular and dates Eddie. Jamie has Owen, her only true friend and she's okay about it. But sometimes she thinks she's imagining things: the most popular girl in college can't be looking at her so much.

Ooh, this is an interesting one (i'll try my best!

As I have said in all my past fics, feel free to comment/suggest/give feedback at anytime (i'll be glad to receive them!)

Here you go, hope you like it!

*******************************************

It was another boring day at the science faculty. I came in, took my classes, went to the library to spend some alone time, and waited for Owen to finish his class so we could go home. Owen was my best friend, but sometimes I doubted if he really enjoyed spending time with me. I mean we really have fun when we're together but maybe he's just doing it for pity. I don't know. At least I'm sure he's the most loyal friend I could ask for.

I was sitting on the library when I suddenly heard someone quietly sobbing. I turned my head and saw Dani Clayton, one of the popular girls. She was Eddie McMiller's girlfriend, and they were together all the time. It was strange of her to be here crying on the library at 8 P.M. Most times I'm the only one around.

Maybe I should ask her what's wrong.

-"Um, hey Dani, are-are you okay?"-

-"Yeah, all fine. Eddie and I had a fight. You know, couple problems"-

She looked very sad. I just stayed there in awkward silence.

-"Well, I'll be here if you need anything."-

-"Thanks,I really appreciate that"-

I went to my table again. Dani was a really nice girl. She was pretty, of course, but also had a kind heart. It was Eddie who made her seem bad. Eddie has always had a bad reputation, so everyone thinks Dani is also like him.

I waited until Owen texted me that he was done. When I turned around, Dani wasn't there anymore. I just hope she feels better at the end of the day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To my surprise, Dani and I have been talking more since the day in the library. She didn't hang with us so much because obviously, she had Eddie, but sometimes she reached for me and we had some small talk. Sometimes I even caught her staring at Owen and me. Are we that interesting?

-"I bet she's jealous you're not her Eddie"-

-"Shut up, she's looking at you, James"-

-"Oh I wish"- I said jokingly.

Owen and I were really close and constantly joked about each other. But what if it was true? What if Dani was actually staring at me? Why would she?

I was heading to the gym to do some exercise as i heard someone calling my name. It was Dani.

-"Hi"- she said. She seemed a bit down

-"Hey Dani, what's up?"-

-"Can I talk to you for a second?"-

-"Uh, sure!"-

What? does she want?

-"I know you're not like that but can you please not tell anyone that you saw me crying the other day?"- she said nervously.

-"Sure, I won't, but Dani, is everything okay? I know we're not that close but if you need something you can count on me"-

-"Yeah, it is, I promise, I just don't want Eddie to find out"-

-"About what? About you crying?"-

-"It's not that. Well, it is. See, we had a fight, and we said things we shouldn't, and long story short he left me there."-

I unconsciously took both of her hands in mine.

-"Listen Dani, I don't know what happened between you guys, but it's not fair that you end up feeling this way. Remember that I'm here if you need something, okay?"-

-"Thanks Jamie"- she said as she hugged me tight.

-"Okay, I'm going to the gym now. Text me if you need anything"-

She just smiled and I headed to the gym.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was another Thursday afternoon. Owen told me he´d be done by 9, so I had many free hours. I decided to go to the running track. I put my headphones on and ran for several minutes, and when I looked to the bleachers, Dani was there. Why was she here? Alone?

I kept on running and when I was done, she was still there. I took my training bag and went to the bleachers, but didn´t climbed up, where Dani was. As if it wasn´t awkward enough.

-”What you´re doing up there, Dani?”-

-”Can we talk?”-

-”Sure. Want me to come up there or”-

-”I´ll go down, don´t worry”- She said as she grabbed her bag and went down the bleachers.

-”I just needed someone to talk to. Eddie and I broke up and”- she was cut off by her own crying.

-”Dani, I´m so sorry. How are you? I mean, I see you´re not fine at all but, how do you feel about it?”-

She held my hand and squeezed it tightly. How strange that she came looking for comfort in me when she had many other friends. I also felt comfort by her just being there. I pulled her in for a hug.

-”It´s okay. You don´t have to tell me. I understand. Men are stupid sometimes”-

-”Sometimes?”- she said with a small chuckle. I laughed back. 

-”Thank you Jamie. Thank you for always listening to me. You´ve been the only real friend I can count on, and I know we haven´t spent many time together, but I really feel safe when I´m with you and-”-

I took her face in my hands and pulled her in for a kiss. What on Earth was I thinking? Jamie Taylor, what the hell?!

To my surprise, she didn´t pull away.

*******************************************

And there you go! I hope you liked it! I tried not to enter so much in detail because it would turn into a long fic haha. Also, it was a bit hard to create the college AU, so, if something went wrong along the way, please, please, let me know so I can fix it.

Footnote as always: remember that you can send prompts/suggestions/comments/feedback/anything you would like!!!

Also if this story was cringy, also let me know. I let my mind wander too much and sometimes it goes to inexplicable territories

[breakingsomething]

the fall part twenty - all hallow's eve

basic summary: it's jamie's birthday, and his brothers are determined to make his day good for him. also, rhea, jackie and aaron do bad shit again. surprise, surprise.

trigger warnings: flashback, extreme distress, hypnosis

tagslist: @synonymsforzombie @spicydanhowell @skyewardlight @dreaming-of-stories-and-stars @cest-mellow @graveyardlettuce @lower-your-expectationss

"jamie, jamie, jamie! get the hell up, man!"

jamie groaned and rolled over, unfolding his arms and blinking in the sudden light. above him, he could see a blonde head, blue eyes and a big grin, along with a hand that shook his shoulder. "wakey wakey, eggs and bakey. well, pancakes and bakey. or just pancakes. we made pancakes. jamie, wake u-up!"

jamie pulled a hand from underneath the covers and flipped chase the bird before yanking his blankets over his head.

"oh, don't be like that," he heard chase scoff. suddenly the blankets were being torn off, and jamie hissed playfully, unable to hide a grin. chase laughed. "get up, lazy ass! and happy birthday! happy halloween birthday to the pumpkins!"

he left the room, leaving the door wide open. jamie rolled his eyes with a dramatic sigh despite no one being there to see it. he sat up and finally got out of bed, glancing at his phone (not that he needed to in order to know what time it was, he was always aware of the time anyway) to see it was eleven o'clock. he'd slept a full ten hours. better than usual, he thought as he pulled some clothes out of the assorted pile his brothers had put together for him from their own wardrobes. usually he only got about seven.

he brushed his hair and went downstairs, where everyone was sitting in the kitchen, eating breakfast with innocent smiles. they had been talking in hushed tones but immediately went quiet when jamie came in, trying and failing to act completely natural. "ok, what's going on?" jamie sighed dramatically, swinging his hands out as he signed. "is it a special day or something?"

"happy happy birthday!" marvin cheered, pushing a huge box from underneath the kitchen table. henrik and chase followed suit with slightly smaller boxes, grinning. "you're thirty and also three now! like two birthdays in one!"

jameson couldn't help but laugh. "i don't need presents - you guys are sweet, though. please, don't do too much just for me."

"but it's your first birthday with us!" chase cried, lifting his box onto the table. "this is fudging special! also, we have to do gift unwrapping and cake cutting soon, cause i gotta go get the kids in like, half an hour. stacy's actually coming with us to take them trick or treating, how cool is that?" marvin and henrik cheered, and jamie clapped with a big grin at the delighted look on chase's face. "i know, right? oh my god, before we do birthday stuff, guess what louise is going as for halloween."

"sonic," marvin said immediately.

chase giggled, pushing his cap up further as jamie sat himself down on the seat next to him. "you'd think, huh? but no. try again."

"someone from teenage mutant ninja turtles?" henrik asked before taking a sip of his coffee. chase shook his head.

marvin blew his hair out his face. "anyone from sonic at all?"

chase grinned and nodded. "she's going as tails the fox. do you wanna know why?" the other three nodded. chase leaned back in his chair. "because she's making connor go as sonic. she wants to be tails this year because he can fly."

there was a pause before everyone laughed, henrik choking on his coffee. "dear god," he managed once he'd finished his coughing fit. "that's the first time in maybe four years she hasn't gone as sonic, correct?"

"yes!" chase wheezed, wiping tears from his eyes. "she came up to me and stacy and was like "mama, papa, i don't want to go as sonic this year" and we were internally like "finally, she's leaving her sonic obsession behind" and stacy goes "oh, so who do you want to be?" all sweetly and connor - connor fudging runs in dressed all in blue like "i'm sonic now!" swear to god i lost my mind. i'm still losing my mind, christ."

jamie listened to them chatter for a few minutes, content just to hear them talk. he'd missed a lot in his life, it seemed. maybe now was the time to catch up. just the thought made him smile.

"so jamie!" marvin said, snapping him from his thoughts. "present time! open mine last, i think you'll really like it."

"my present is probably the most pathetic," henrik said sheepishly, sliding the crinkly, rectangular package over to him. "i didn't really know what to get you and i've been - ok, i won't give excuses. i hope you like it anyway."

jamie smiled wide. "thank you, henrik. i wasn't expecting a lot anyway. honestly, i don't like receiving gifts. makes me feel strange. but you guys are too nice, you really are."

he gently undid the paper and grinned at the contents. a large stack of candles, all different scents and such. "henrik, this is great!"

henrik shrugged, trying to hold back a small smile. "i'm glad you like it. i was worried you would think it was silly."

the next present was chase's. he seemed very excited to hand over his present, practically vibrating as he passed him the large box. it rattled as jamie took it, something sliding around the top. "it's two presents in one," chase beamed, shaking hair out his face. "come on, open it!"

"give the man a second to breathe, chaser," marvin laughed as jamie rolled his eyes teasingly, deliberately making fun of chase's impatience by opening the box extremely slowly. by the time he'd opened it fully, chase was almost standing in his chair. jamie stuck his tongue out and pulled out a box of chocolate poptarts, to which he raised an eyebrow with a grin.

chase groaned. "those are just extra, look at the real present beneath! i wanna see what you think!"

it was a strange sort of ball. "it's called a moon light," chase explained. "they're so pretty! i thought you could use one for your room, even if you can't see the colours."

jamie turned it over in his hands, smiling. "it's beautiful," he signed once he'd set it down. "i love it so much, thank you."

marvin pushed his box over, grunting with the effort. "ok, so you said not to get you much, but your room was so empty and i wanted to get you something good," he said. "i think you might like this. but be careful, it's fragile."

jamie groaned. "oh, good gods," he signed before picking the box up - it was very heavy - and setting it on the table. "marvin, i don't need anything big."

"hey, it's just one thing," marvin protested. "we've barely given you anything."

"you gave me a home," jamie said without thinking. "you didn't have to do that but you did, even though you had no reason to trust me. you could have sent me away and you didn't and i honestly believe that's the best thing you could ever done for me."

he stared at the package without blinking and didn't look up at his brothers.

"oh - oh, jamie," marvin said softly. "fuck, of course we'd give you a home. you're our brother and we love you."

"yeah!" chase chipped in. "we know you're not anti, and we know you don't think like him. jackie was the fool there."

"you've never given us reason not to trust you," henrik murmured. he placed a hand on jamie's, so gently. "you're a wonderful man and we all know it. we wouldn't do all this for you if we didn't trust you, and we do. we do, ok? we love you so much."

jamie suddenly felt lucky he talked using his hands, otherwise he'd be bursting into tears. he nodded vigorously and quickly unwrapped his present, gasping softly when he saw the beautiful vinyl player inside the box. shiny and dark, with a frank sinatra vinyl at the top of the box. jamie blinked, taking it in. "marvin, it's - beautiful, thank you. this is too much, how much even was this?"

marvin grinned. "a magician never reveals his secrets."

"let's set it up in your room," henrik said excitedly, eyes shining. "oh, i love vinyls, i don't even have a player for them but i own so many and i'm sure you can borrow them -"

"ah, 'scuze me," chase interrupted, holding up both hands. "i have to leave very soon. it's saturday. let's do cake and then i'm bolting."

marvin leapt up, singing to himself as he danced round the table, and jamie snorted. "we're actually doing cake? seriously?"

"of course we are!" marvin almost shouted, digging through the fridge. "who do you think we are, james? a family that doesn't do cake? unheard of." he turned round, an enormous grin on his face as he lifts the pink cake up. "it's cake time, gentlemen!"

they cut slices of the cake, laughing and talking and complimenting marvin on the cake, which he'd apparently baked himself. jamie got the biggest slice and almost couldn't manage the full thing despite how good it was. about twenty minutes later, chase got up to leave, ruffling jamie's curls as way of saying goodbye. "see you fuckers later," he said, doing finger guns before wincing. "shit, i should stop swearing. fuck. i mean - not fuck. just - ahhh, i'll see you dorks later. adios."

"dorks? really?" henrik called after him. chase stuck his hand through the front door again to flip him off.

the rest of the day passed pretty smoothly. chase texted them a few times with updates, at one point sending pictures of the kid's fantastic costumes mixed in with heart eyed reaction images. the three other brothers went out to mcdonald's for lunch and got enough chips to fill nearly a whole tray, which was apparently enough to make chase jealous. he later sent pictures of him, connor and louise at the park with huge ice creams in hand. "gods, it's no wonder people call us childish," jamie laughed teasingly, dipping about ten chips into his own tub of ice cream at once.

"who's calling us childish?" marvin jokingly exclaimed, crossing his eyes and making an exaggerated face of anger. "give me names, i'll challenge them to a duel."

"point proven," henrik sing-songed, sticking his tongue out. "don't cross your eyes or your face will get stuck like that. james, i cannot believe you eat your chips with ice cream and genuinely believe it tastes nice. you are a disgrace to humanity."

"let's all dip our chips in ice cream to piss off henrik," marvin grinned, and he and jamie smacked their soggy chips together with a cry of "cheers!" henrik spluttered, shaking his head in disgust.

"people like you are the reason the mcdonald's ice cream machines are always broken," he scoffed, flicking some ketchup from his burger at marvin. "the employees see you coming and go "ah, scheisse, it is the magic cat bastard again, about to dip his chips in ice cream like some kind of animal. sorry, sir, machines are broke." you disgust me."

"a-w, what about me?" jamie pouted teasingly, sticking out his bottom lip.

"not you, jamie, you are a treasure and we're happy to have you here," henrik said warmly. then he made a face at marvin. "you, however -"

they were interrupted when chase sent a photo of him, stacy and the kids, chase proudly holding up a cheese and onion bake from gregg's. they then all collectively agreed he was a teasing bastard and moved on.

they bickered all the way home about what movie to watch. "it's halloween," henrik argued, smoothing his hair out his face. "we should obviously watch a nightmare before christmas."

"i think we should watch dawn of the dead just to piss chase off," marvin grinned.

"what, dawn of the dead, 2004, you mean?" henrik laughed. marvin shook his head, grimacing and widening his eyes in mock horror.

"i think chase would kill us," he giggled. "which might be funny, but it's jamie's birthday, so he should pick." they both turned to him. "what do you think?"

jamie shrugged. "i don't know. i haven't seen all that many films, even when i was with you. i did watch a few with anti, though."

"ooh, like what?" marvin asked curiously. he nearly walked into a streetlamp but managed to smoothly dodge it. "what movies did the fantastic antisepticeye have to show?"

jamie wiggled his mustache, thinking. "hot fuzz. and i watched a documentary about penguins when he was passed out once. then there was the night we were both up with nightmares and pulled an all nighter to watch a movie about chickens."

"another documentary?" henrik wondered. "anti doesn't seem like the documentary type."

jamie shook his head. "no, an animated one. it had a chicken and a - a fish and a goose and a pig? i think?"

"...charlotte's web?" henrik guessed slowly.

marvin elbowed him. "charlotte's web was about a spider, you numpty. d'you mean, uh… chicken run?"

"free birds?" henrik asked. "me and chase watched that last year with connor and louise."

"wasn't that about turkeys?" marvin giggled.

henrik rolled his eyes. "and when was there a fish in charlotte's web?"

"there was definitely a fish in charlotte's web!"

"they lived on a farm -"

dapper whistled sharply, interrupting them. "no, no. there were aliens. robot aliens. made the sky fall like jackie did."

the two went silent. then henrik spoke. "are you saying you and anti watched chicken little?"

jamie snapped his fingers. "that's the bitch!"

marvin let out a disbelieving laugh. "chicken little? the little bitch with the glasses and the goose girlfriend or something? and anti watched it with you?"

"to be fair, we were both tired and miserable and didn't really care all that much," dapper signed casually. "i think we fell asleep anyway. i just remember during the incident with jackie, i was thinking about that chicken."

there was a long pause as they crossed the street and walked past the corner shop in the direction of their flat. "i don't believe it," henrik eventually mumbled. "fucking - anti. fucking anti willingly watching chicken little with you. i can't picture it. i can't. that's literally incomprehensible to me."

by the time they got home, it was four o'clock, and they decided on ordering pizza for dinner. "i haven't eaten a single healthy food today," marvin announced, almost proudly. "i want a meat feast with barbeque sauce and stuffed crust."

"how much money do you think we have, bastard?" henrik despaired, but when he called the pizza place to ask for hawaiian for himself and plain cheese for jamie, he heard him add stuffed crust to marvin's order.

they sat down in the living room and started up the tv, the three of them snuggling up on the one couch. "you mock us for chips and ice cream, yet you eat pineapple on pizza," marvin accused, throwing his legs across jamie's.

"hawaiian pizza is perfectly respectable," henrik said lightly. "anyway, let's watch a movie. then we can set up the player in jamie's room while we wait for chase to come back."

"will we get trick or treaters?" jamie wondered. neither man saw his hands, so he whistled and repeated the question. henrik shook his head.

"we don't get them because we live in a flat," henrik said. "i suppose since we're on the bottom and therefore get two floors, we could technically try it. maybe next year."

"definitely next year," jamie agreed. "it sounds fun."

they did end up watching a nightmare before christmas while they ate their pizza. the music and animation was lovely, and henrik didn't shut up the whole time. "i absolutely love this song," he said as the oogie-boogie man appeared on screen with his dice. "i used to listen to the soundtrack of this film all the time, it always manages to fit with each character and such -"

"henrik," marvin said gently. "shush."

it was near the end of the film when someone chapped at the door. "i thought you said we didn't get trick or treaters?" jamie asked, to which marvin got up and went to go answer. jamie took henrik's hand. he hated the small part of him that was still so ridiculously afraid, especially on today of all days.

they heard the door open. "trick or treat!" came two small voices, and one familiar one. jamie and henrik laughed in relief upon hearing chase and the kids coming inside, laughing and chattering loudly. marvin peeked into the room and grinned.

"guess who's back!" he cheered. behind him, connor and louise leapt in, still wearing their costumes. everyone cheered as they posed to show them off, huge grins on their little faces. "it's sonic and tails themselves, in the flesh!"

"uncle jam, hen, marv!" the children cried, cheeks dark with cold and excitement. "look at us, we can fly and go super speed!"

"very nice!" henrik affirmed warmly, and he lifted connor onto his lap as he spun by. "come here, you ridiculous fox boy. how many sweeties did you get?"

"lots!" connor cried, and he tossed his bag from his gloved fingers onto the couch besides jamie. "dump it out, uncle jam, i wanna show off my sweets! louise - no, tails, come over here! come show your sweets. papa! where are you?"

"right here," said chase. he was laughing, and jamie realized why as he came into view; he was wearing a mask with a frankly terrifying face on it. "evening, gamers. how are we all doing?"

"what - what are you?" henrik asked in horror over the sound of marvin and jamie's laughter.

chase pulled up the mask and made a mock hurt face. "hey, i'm shadow the hedgehog! i'm being a good father by cosplaying with my kids." he lowered his voice as he shrugged his jacket off. "they made stacy go as amy."

"although technically sonic and shadow aren't friends for a long time, because shadow's really sad about maria's death and he does a lot of bad stuff that sonic doesn't like to make up for it," louise suddenly said, dropping to her knees on the floor and spilling her sweets out. "although shadow does help sonic save the world in sonic adventure 2 to try and fulfill maria's last wishes. it's not all shadow's fault, though. he was made to save maria and he failed and that really hurt him. he also got put in suspen-ded ani-ma-tion for a while, then he got used as a weapon by eggman. he's not really a bad guy. he's just had a lot of bad stuff happen to him and i love him. oh, con, i got a wispa!"

"lemme see!" connor shrieked, leaping off henrik's lap to join his sister on the floor. jamie turned to henrik and marvin with raised eyebrows, slightly taken aback and completely astonished.

"she knows a lot about sonic," chase whispered, sitting down beside them. "it's her favourite thing. one of my favourite things to do is ask her any question about it and listen to her ramble. it's so sweet. hey, lou!" louise turned round to look at him, a chocolate bar hanging out her mouth. chase grinned. "tell us some more about shadow and maria."

louise's eyes lit up. "oh! ok! well, maria was the granddaughter of this guy called gerald robotnik, who's eggman's grandfather, and gerald, kinda, he created shadow as an experiment to help maria, who was really sick…"

it was maybe ten minutes before henrik went to go make some hot chocolate for everyone, and then shouted out in surprise. "hey, what the f- what are these pumpkins doing here?"

"oh!" chase yelped, leaping to his feet. "i completely forgot! guys, guys, i said i was gonna get pumpkins for us to carve and i did! jamie, come see, we're carving pumpkins!"

and he had indeed bought pumpkins. connor and louise had each already picked one out, and jamie, henrik and marvin made a big show of arguing over the others, which really made the kids laugh. as they set up plastic bags all over the living room floor, jamie began to get really excited. he knew that he has carved a pumpkin in his introduction video that jack made, the video that had been deleted minutes after being uploaded with only anti able to recover it, but jamie didn't remember it. the weight of the pumpkin didn't feel familiar in his hands. smooth, slightly wet. the sensation was kind of awful. but jamie wasn't about to tell anyone else that. the kids were enjoying themselves, and he wasn't about to ruin that.

"now we draw faces and whatnot on them," chase said, pulling some sharpies from his pocket and tossing them in the air. "let's go, gamers. con, lou, i'll help if you need any. are you doing scary face or silly face? i can do both."

it was nearly seven o'clock now. jamie wasn't sure why, but he found something felt so off with every line he drew on the pumpkin's surface. a strange feeling of deja vu. which was ridiculous, of course. jameson hadn't ever carved a pumpkin.

"ok, now the cutting!" chase announced cheerfully. too cheerfully for the words he was saying. even in context, jamie felt sick. "louise and connor, you are absolutely not doing this part yourselves. henrik, can you - thank you, thanks. looking fantastic, jamie! how are you enjoying your carving experience?"

jamie managed to smile as he looked up, head bobbing like a doll. "good," he signed, dropping his pen. he noticed connor had gone with a scary face with gnashing teeth, and louise had gone with a cheery face with squinty eyes. "they look great, kids."

"thank you, jam-jam!" connor squealed in a silly voice, with louise repeating right after. jamie laughed silently, feeling his head spin.

"you know how to carve it, right, james?" marvin asked. jamie jumped at his voice. marvin had pulled his hair back into a bun, a sharpie behind his ear. his grin faded slightly. "are you ok? you look a little pale."

"fine," jamie signed. he picked up the knife.

he picked up the knife

he picked up the k

"come on, dapper. you just - cut right here." anti's voice, free from static. warm and irish. "you can do it, dap. i believe in you."

blood blood blood blood blood bl

"dapper - dapper, look up. come on, you useless fuck - don't - oh, don't pass out. i'm right fucking here."

blood blood blood

"hey, dap. you're doing good. keep a hold on that knife now, eh? don't let anyone sneak up on you. always be on the lookout, that's my motto."

blood

"hey, dapper ----. look up, lift your chin."

anti's face swam into view. he looked younger. stubble on his face, shorter, less curly hair, thick gauges in his ears. a black scarf wrapped tightly around his neck. he flashed a forced smile, showing sharp fangs. "there we go. stay still and let me get these bandages on you. i'm sure you're tired, having used so much magic to keep yourself alive." he laughed hoarsely, shaking his head. "a time traveler. i can't believe ---- sent me a time traveler. ha, happy one year death anniversary to us, ----, thank you for this lovely present -"

he was more talking to himself now. dapper ---- was happy to let him. this man was kind, helping to fix up his wounds. anti - his name was anti, right? - gently wrapped the bandages round his cleaned throat. his fingers were cold. so were his eyes. dapper ---- couldn't tell what colour they were, but they looked like ice. when their eyes met, he felt a shiver go down his spine.

"look at you," anti murmured, and he smoothed dapper ----'s hair from his face. it felt nice, and he leaned into the touch. anti hummed softly. "look at you. my time traveler. so much untapped power. i think we're gonna have fun, dapper ----." he smirked. "ha, maybe i should come up with a better name. dapper's a shit name. and as funny as it would be to call you ----, i think i'd have to kill you. look up, dap-dap. ok, nevermind, that's an awful nickname. dapper it is."

he took his hands away and leaned back, studying him. they looked so alike. twins, almost. dapper ---- lifted his hands to his neck to grace the bandages, wincing. anti watched him.

"thank you," dapper ---- signed.

anti frowned. "what's that sign?" he repeated it after him, placing his hand to his chin and extending it outwards. "i don't know any bsl."

dapper tried to mouth the words, but he wasn't used to moving his mouth to form words, and he knew he looked clumsy. "thank you," he signed again, trying to make his tongue go to the right places. anti's eyes widened in understanding, and he signed it too, both of them moving in unison.

"ok, cool!" anti beamed. he made the sign again. "i should learn bsl. might come in handy, and i suppose if i have to put up with you, i might as bloody well. oh, don't look so put out, dap." anti tilted his head and his smile faded to a more genuine state, less forced. "i suppose a weapon like you is worth learning a language for."

"jamie, jamie, jamie - look up, hey. it's just me, be - be careful, drop that knife. drop that knife, james. look up. look up at me."

his hands were covered in - no, they weren't covered in blood, they weren't, they weren't. they were shaking. just shaking. pale, white hands. silver knife. dapper knew what silver looked like.

"jamie." warm and irish. not anti. of course not anti. dapper would never hear anti's voice again. "jamie. hey - chase, get the kids upstairs. pumpkin's are basically done anyway. jameson, hey, it's me. it's marvin. henrik's here too. can you look up, hon? come on, it's ok, you're ok. just us."

just them. kitten, doctor, jinx, dapper, and the gunman's children. six peas in a pod. he was going to be sick.

"fine," he signed numbly. "i'm fine. i'm fine."

once upon a time there was a scared time traveler without a voice and without a soul of his own, born into a world that wanted him dead from the beginning, a world that he came into bleeding, a world that knew the pain that was in store and tried to end it for him early, a world that was cold but contained a brother who spoke in lies and said he loved him, said he was safe, anti, i was never safe and you are a fucking fool, why did you let me save myself, why do i have to still love you?

"i want this to stop," dapper signed, jameson signed, damien signed, mustache signed, anti signed, what was his fucking name again? "i'm just tired. i'm sorry."

"that's ok," kitten - marvin - murmured softly. he touched dapper's - jameson's, jamie's - hand just slightly, grounding him. "we're here. it's ok. it's ok."

it wasn't ok. it was never ok.

-

that night, jamie awoke with a nightmare.

he wasn't sure what it was, just that when he sat up in bed, his heart was racing loudly in his ears and he was sweating, breathing hard like he'd been running. maybe he had, in his dream. a few minutes passed before he slipped out of bed and padded down to the kitchen to get a drink of water. he definitely needed one.

he couldn't believe he'd lost it like that. in front of the kids, as well - jamie had never been so ashamed of himself. just from holding a knife! he shook his head in disgust, balling his fists up and digging his uneven nails into his palms. it was pathetic how easily upset he was. how easy it was to become silly, naive little dapper again. some days he wondered if he was even jameson jackson at all.

he got a drink. a cup of water, then another, to soothe his pounding headache. his whole body felt slightly numb, and in the silence of the house, he could hear his slightly wheezing breaths. he drank more water. his chest felt that little bit looser.

then something crashed outside and jamie was up like a shot.

he could hear someone just outside the front door. someone scrabbling to pick something up, someone groaning and making small, pained noises. jamie's heart raced as he marched to the door, hand on the lock. he realized he wasn't armed. didn't have a knife on him like he usually did. always be on the lookout, was his motto.

well, if there was anything jamie had learned from being dapper, it was that anything could work as a weapon if you were caught off guard. he grabbed the broom that was leaning on the sideboard and threw the door open, jabbing the handle out the door to hit whatever intruder might be there. instead, he heard someone gasp loudly, and just managed to see a glitching flash of light before the person scrambled to the side of the door, just barely out of jamie's line of sight. they'd left a bag on the ground. a black and white flying tiger bag - one of jamie's favourite stores back when he was dapper. he picked it up, not looking to his left to see the intruder. he could hear them breathing. jamie peeked inside the bag, blocking everything else out as he looked.

a black sketchbook. a black sketchbook and a plastic container of greyscale markers. not only that, but there was a millie's cookies bag, containing what jamie knew to be a deluxe rainbow cookie. anti had always joked about the irony of them being his favourite. he laughed silently and opened the sketchbook to the first page. inside, scribbled in the top left corner, was the word "payback" with a small >:) face next to it.

jamie could see anti out the corner of his eye, still pressed against the wall. he didn't look at him. instead, he pulled his phone from his pocket - thank the gods he'd fallen asleep in his clothes - and quickly opened his text to speech app. there was an awkward pause while he did so, and for a moment jamie was afraid anti would bolt regardless of whether he was still there. but then it loaded and he wrote what he had to say, fingers flying across the keyboard, and held the phone up for the other man to hear.

thank you for the present. and thank you for having the sense to not try and deliver it until you thought i was asleep, even if you are a dumbass and alerted me anyway. night, anti.

anti didn't reply, of course. jamie didn't look at him. he simply closed the door and went back inside.

-

"evening, auggie! you're back early, i thought you were having a halloween celebration or something."

anti rolled his eyes at the sound of his roommate's voice. it was coming from the kitchen, so anti shrugged his jacket off and went straight to his room instead. carlos followed him. "hey, where you going? it's an all hallow's eve full moon, mate! come on, have a drink or something."

anti flipped him off. carlos pouted, sticking his already very pointy chin out further. he looked a lot like shaggy from scooby doo, anti thought, and tried not to laugh at the thought.

carlos held up a hand before turning and darting into the living room, coming out a moment later with a notebook and pen. "gotta keep one of these handy at all times, huh?" he laughed, snorting. anti resisted the urge to roll his eyes again, and carlos collected himself. "so. were you at a halloween party or something?"

anti frowned and began to write. no, why the fuck would i be? do i look like i go to holiday themed parties?

carlos raised his hands. "ok, ok. you left with a bag, and also you asked if we owned "wrapping paper or some fucking shit along those line, maybe even a bloody bow at the very least" earlier, so i assumed you were going to a party."

who the fuck gives presents for halloween???

carlos shrugged. "i dunno, you?"

anti sighed deeply. it's my brother's birthday, fuck's sake. can you move out my way so i can go to my room please?

"what - oh hey, no, stay and have a drink!" carlos protested, moving to block anti's way again. "come on, august, you're no fun. anyway, if it's your brother's birthday, why didn't you stay and celebrate with him? it looks like you just dropped his present and bolted."

anti snorted. basically. we're not on the best of terms. he wouldn't have wanted to see me. also, i can't drink. i'm fairly certain i've told you this.

carlos shook his hair out his face, scratching the back of his neck. "why'd you give him a present then? also, i know you can drink because you bought like, three bottles of jack daniel's a week or so ago, you're talking pish. now stop being antisocial and have fun for once."

anti's pen scribbled across the page. i have epilepsy, you bastard. also, i don't have to explain myself to you. so go away.

carlos crossed his arms. "this is my flat. you're the one who's paying to stay here. also, also, you probably shouldn't be drinking if that's a trigger for your epilepsy or whatever? that's not a good idea? why would you do that to yourself, anyway?"

because i hate myself. also, you pay to stay here too. you just paid first.

he tried to push by carlos, but the man spread his arms out to block his way, a cheeky grin on his face. anti wanted to hit him. "now now, auggie, i am not letting you spend the rest of your night being depressed in your room. you do that every night. even if you don't drink, come and sit in the living room at least! i was planning to invite some friends round if that's ok by you. it'll be fun!"

anti clenched his fists, face twitching before he calmed himself enough to write again. i'd rather sleep for twelve hours than watch you make out with your partners all night. if you aren't going to move i will fucking stab you and i am not joking.

to anti's absolute rage, carlos just laughed upon reading what he'd written. "you're funny, aug. and they have names, you know. johanna and robert. they're cool people! you might like them." he raised an eyebrow, showing his palms to the ceiling. "johanna's a firefighter, and robert collects knives. you like knives, right? i think you could be friends."

anti tried to keep ahold of his anger, but really, he was still partially in a good mood from jameson accepting his present, and he was also too tired to do much. he sank into himself, blowing the air out his cheeks. i don't want to, ok? not tonight.

carlos sighed. "i - sure. sure. but mate, you really have to stop isolating yourself. i'll admit i don't know a lot about you, but i'd like to, you know? you seem like a cool guy." he stepped aside, leaving room for anti to go into his room. then he widened his eyes, and held up a hand. "wait! let me show you what i learned." he pinched his thumb and pointer finger together in an open and closed motion in front of his face. the sign for "talk." then carlos frowned. "i, uh, forgot the sign for "later." i swear i learned it. i'm trying to learn, like, basic phrases. here, i can -" he held up his hands and signed each letter of the word "later," grinning proudly once he'd finished.

anti blinked in surprise. he wasn't even sure what to say - the fact that this man he barely knew was doing anything for him was amazing. slowly, hesitantly, he put out his pointer finger and dragged it through the air, pausing a couple of times. "later." carlos repeated after him. he smiled wide.

"cool!" he breathed, signing the full phrase. "i should definitely learn more bsl. might as well if i'm gonna be putting up with you, eh, august?" he laughed and stepped back, nearly walking into the living room doorway. "thanks. you're cool, mate."

anti just nodded. then he turned and went into the darkness of his room.

he didn't want to turn the light on. it was far too quiet, so he threw himself down on his bed and put his headphones on, staring out the window. carlos had been right - there was a full moon. a full moon on halloween. strange. that almost never happened.

anti's heart was racing and he wasn't sure why. he placed his fingers on his wrist to check his pulse, then on the area behind his ears. why was he suddenly so worked up? he almost laughed. it was always the littlest things these days. always the littlest things.

he closed his eyes and listened to the music in his ears.

-

kazuki kamata was an unusual woman.

anyone who knew her would tell you that. while she was kind, she was also sometimes merciless, and would do almost anything for those she cared about. she was a protector. she was fire and she was ice. no one knew where she went at nights when she left hecate. no one knew who her friends or family were. no one knew if kazuki was even her real name. some speculated she was on the run for murder. one man swore he heard a rumor that she was a world famous arsonist.

kazuki never indulged any of these rumors. she'd never needed to. people parted for her in the streets, magicians or not. people could sense her power. who would dare argue with that? no one with sense. no one ever challenged her.

until him. that skinny, green haired bastard that one of kazuki's magicians had brought in one day, the hyper irishman who apparently had no magic specialty and just did whatever the fuck he wanted. marvin mcloughlin. kazuki disliked him from the start. he was a dickhead and he didn't follow rules, he was arrogant and selfish and loud and he was an embarrassment to their organization. she couldn't count the amount of times naomi gudmundson, the poor agrokinesis girl, had come to her office to apologize for his behaviour without his knowledge. he was, to be frank, a fucking idiot. and kazuki was sick of him.

she planned to give him a notice of leave, informing him that he would no longer be welcome in their organization. it was a few days or so before she was going to do it when she found the man in the stairwell of one of their halls, curled in on himself and sobbing. kazuki had just waited to see if he'd notice her there, because what else was she supposed to do? eventually he'd glanced up, gasping at the sight of her. "i - i - miss kazuki, uh, miss kamata!" he'd spluttered, scrubbing fat tears from his splotchy red face. "i'm - i should - i'm sorry, i'll go, didn't mean to disturb -"

"it's ok," she'd said softly. to his disbelief, and her own, she'd sat down on the step next to him, wincing at the cold, hard floor under her. she shifted, trying to get comfortable. "are you alright, mr mcloughlin?"

he'd shook his head, sniffling and desperately trying to cover up his face while he wiped it off. "i'm fine," he muttered, turning away. "it's nothing, i'm ok. you should probably go. i'm sure you have important hecate work to do or some shit."

kazuki narrowed her eyes. "i'd kindly thank you not to curse like that in my presence, mcloughlin. i don't take well to such disrespect."

marvin had flushed, shoulders shooting to his ears. "sorry," he mumbled. "very sorry. i don't - i don't mean to be rude."

his face crumpled further, and he buried his face in his knees, shaking slightly. kazuki found herself softening. she knew she shouldn't. she knew she should get to her feet and leave before something happened that she would regret. but she didn't. "tell me what's wrong, mr mcloughlin," she murmured. the air around them seemed to thicken, and marvin sat up slightly, shaking his head and blinking rapidly as though it would stem the rapid flow of tears.

"had a fight with my brother and his friends," he mumbled. "it's - it's so stupid. i'm sorry, i'm - i'm really sorry!"

he gave a gasping sob and doubled over, shoulders shaking. kazuki screwed up her face. fuck, but she had no clue what to do. the kid was having a full blown panic attack from the looks of it. should she… without thinking, she stretched out a hand and touched his shoulder, warm magic flowing through her hand. "you're ok," she reassured, watching his turquoise eyes calm. "you're alright. what were you fighting about?"

he shook his head. "dumb shit. my brother's friend h-henrik, he got hurt recently and he hates me, and yet jackie - my brother - he gets mad at me when i get on at him, but he's such a p-prick and his brother used to like me b-before i met henrik but now he's - he's mad at me too, they all are. assholes." he let a hiccuping sob that sounded almost like a laugh. "i sound like such a ch-child, i'm sorry. i'm just really tired. i'm sorry. i'm always such a dick and i don't mean to, i'm just really angry all the time and i don't know why and i'm sorry, i really don't mean to be -"

he gasped, and kazuki gripped his arm tightly. "breathe," she said quietly. "you're going to pass out if you don't calm down."

"please don't kick me out!" he blurted, more tears pooling in his eyes. slit eye pupils, like a cat's. diamond shaped. kazuki had never noticed that. "please, i know you're going to kick me out of hecate and i really don't want to - to go, i - please, i promise i'll stop being an asshole and i won't pick fights with raymond and i'll -" he coughed wildly, covering his mouth. "i'm so sorry. i've b-been acting like a child. i promise you i'll be better."

and it was then that kazuki came to a quiet realization.

"you can stay," she said firmly, and marvin's face lit up. she held up a hand to stop him. "but you do have to promise that you'll be more careful of your words and actions in the future. we've had several complaints about you from other members, and if you don't change your ways i'm afraid i will have to do something about it. do you understand?"

he nodded frantically, a smile cracking his face. "yes, of course - thank you, thank you so much." he wiped his face with his sleeve again, sniffling. "i - i don't want to leave this place. it's basically been my escape from home when i'm not with naomi, and i wouldn't want to lose it. really, i… i don't mean to be a dick. i promise."

kazuki learned something that day. and what she learned was that no matter how hard she tried, she was always going to come back to love. she was always going to feel empathy, she was always going to want to comfort people who were hurting, and there was a part of her that was always going to feel so painfully human. she saw herself in this young, green haired magician. and she unfortunately grew to care about him as time passed. even once she'd discovered he'd been practicing darker magics and made him promise to stop. even once he'd left hecate. she was so human sometimes. it was nice to be reminded of that.

tonight, back in the present, she was thinking about him.

she did that sometimes. it made her wonder how things might have been if she had been different towards marvin. if she had been less cold. kazuki didn't like to be close to people. kazuki didn't want to let herself care about anyone. she thought maybe, if she stayed indifferent, she'd stop. but… she hadn't, had she? she loved marvin. he was like a dumbass child who cursed a lot and interrupted meetings and made a nuisance of himself. and she loved him. he reminded her... he reminded her of her brother who she'd lost so long ago.

she suddenly remembered his book of magic. the one he'd given to her in exchange for her help all those months ago. she still had it in her drawers in her office, right at the back of the one on the bottom. really, she shouldn't have taken it from him in the first place. "you're an idiot, kazuki," she sang to herself under her breath as she pulled the key off the chain on her neck. "you never know what you want."

the drawer was empty.

kazuki stared into it. the drawer was empty. the drawer couldn't be empty.

she stood and marched briskly out her office, heart racing but face void of emotion. she was good at that. "alana!" she snapped, and the purple haired magician who had been walking by stopped dead with wide eyes. kazuki frowned down at her. "have you seen anyone come into my office at all today?"

alana shook her head. "no, miss kamata. only you."

kazuki's heart skipped. "alana. what do you mean, only me?"

the girl looked confused. "you were here earlier, miss kamata. you told me and tony to look alive, i believe? why?"

kazuki just shook her head. she couldn't breathe all of a sudden.

"because i haven't been here all day," she murmured, far too quietly.

it seemed the past was catching up to her.

-

"this is perfect!" rhea cackled. she was spinning in a circle with the book clutched to her chest. "so much magic, so many spells! can you believe that air magic bitch kept it in a drawer in her office? fucking sentimental sap. shouldn't make things so easy to get to."

"ok, and was risking our fucking lives worth that stupid book?" aaron suddenly spat from the couch he was curled up on. jackie flinched. rhea did not. she stopped spinning and glared at him, eyes narrowing with venom.

"it was, actually," she said, her light tone contrasting with her ice cold expression. "jackie's brother is extremely powerful and he has basically every spell he knows in this book. is that correct, jackie?" she turned to him, and jackie took an instinctive step back. "tell your boyfriend that i'm right."

jackie… honestly wasn't sure what rhea wanted with marvin's magic. however, it had been her idea to sneak into hecate and steal it while jackie and aaron kept watch, and the plan has worked, so he supposed no losses had been made. but it seemed aaron has taken this as a personal attack. "you fucking asshole," the blonde hissed, suddenly getting to his feet. "do you have any goddamn care for anyone but yourself?"

jackie laughed nervously, raising his hands. "guys, let's not do this."

they both ignored him. "you're a selfish fucking cunt and all you want is to use us for your gain," aaron seethed, his face red with sudden anger. "we could have gotten in big trouble - breaking into a place like hecate is no fucking joke, rhea, and we're not up for playing your games anymore. tell her that, jackson!"

rhea smiled at aaron cruelly, not an ounce of warmth in her face. "i'm apparently doing a better job of protecting you two than you are," she beamed, voice strained with a thin veil of rage. "you're completely incompetent without someone to guide you. i'm trying to help you and have been from the goddamn start. you would have fucking died without me and i'm honestly starting to wish i had let you."

jackie jumped in before punches could be thrown. "guys!" he shouted, pushing them both away from each other. "you're being fucking ridiculous. rhea, explain why you needed us to get marvin's magic when we already have access to basically all his black magic spells. aaron, you…" he hesitated. "you just… calm down."

aaron spluttered while rhea sat on her couch nearest the window. "ok," she smirked, folding her legs under her. "your brother is an extremely powerful mage, jackie. and while his black magic is strong, the rest of his magic is stronger."

"nothing is stronger than black magic," aaron said through gritted teeth. jackie took his hand and ran his thumb along the back of it soothingly.

rhea cocked her head. "and that's where you're wrong. white magic can be just as powerful, if not more. see, aaron, you're like - you know how in movies there's the dumb guy who always tries to solve his problems by using brute force, and it works for a little while, but then the smart character comes in and uses their brains to solve everything?" she pointed at him with an innocent smile. "you're the dumb guy."

jackie pushed aaron back down before he could do anything he probably wouldn't regret. "let's not poke sticks right now, huh?" he said, shooting the last word at rhea. "explain what you mean, please."

she sighed. "there is no concrete line between black and white magic," she said. "and there is no actual hierarchy of magical strength. it all depends on who's controlling it, who's magic it began as, and how the spell is conducted, among many other things. it's not just "what the spell is." if it were that simple, any magician could shift as well as me, or i could bend air as well as that japanese magician." she paused to take a breath. "point is, this magic stems from a very powerful man, which would make the spells powerful. we could use these."

"and it was worth our lives?" aaron interjected smoothly.

rhea snorted. "yours, maybe."

"rhea," jackie snapped. "aaron is my boyfriend, and if you want my help, you'll have to deal with him too."

"i can fight my own bloody fights," aaron spat, pushing jackie's hand away. he glared at rhea with murder in his eyes before turning back to jackie. "and what, am i just an accessory to you? something to be dealt with? i'm a human person, jackson, and i demand respect."

rhea scoffed. "i don't know that you deserve it."

"guys," jackie protested. "aaron, just shut up -"

"you're supposed to be defending me!" aaron shouted, whirling round on him. "i'm your boyfriend, i've known you for a year now, you just met her like three weeks ago! you - don't - you're gonna trust her opinion over mine?"

jackie shook his head. "it's not like that," he said weakly. "but we need rhea on our side -"

"i don't trust her and i've made that plainly clear!" aaron despaired, grabbing jackie's shoulders without warning. "please, listen to me -"

"aaron - aaron, let go -"

"you don't believe me! i'm not just being paranoid!"

"aaron -"

"you never listen to me, you fucking asshole, i'm trying to warn you -"

"aaron, shu̸t ̸uṕ͜!"

the sudden wave of panicked magic nearly knocked him out. he staggered back, clutching his head, before he noticed what he'd done. aaron was swaying on the spot, eyes wide, mouth hanging open. jackie's heart dropped. no, no, not again, not again -

"aaron - shit, i didn't - didn't mean it," he choked out, wrapping his arms around himself. "shit -"

"oh, well done," came rhea's voice. he turned to her, vision blurred with tears, to see she'd stood up again and was now beside him, a small smile on her face. "you know, jackson, i didn't think you were the type to hypno your own boyfriend. that takes guts."

"accident," jackie sobbed. "it was an accident -"

"but you wanted to do it," she said quietly. she took his hand, and her face softened. "you wanted to hypnotize him to make him shut up. i don't blame you. you know i'm right and you feel bad because your boyfriend doesn't believe that i'm to be trusted. it must hurt. but i understand."

she pulled him into a gentle hug, facing him away from aaron so he couldn't see his face. jackie stared numbly out the living room window as rhea pat his back, speaking softly. "this is a very hard situation for you. i get it. but… you're gonna have to admit it. aaron isn't good for you. he's just holding you back."

"he's my boyfriend," jackie mumbled into her shoulder. "and he's my best friend. i love him. he's never once held me back from anything and i love him."

rhea pulled away. she studied jackie's face for a moment, expression blank. then she shrugged. "ok. well, i made you a profile on my netflix. i set your picture as the blue wally guy from black mirror because i thought it was funny. watch whatever you want, i don't judge. i'm going to my room. see you tomorrow, jackson."

she skipped out the room, jackie staring after her.

[beerecordings]

“Jackie, I'm fine.”

This is true. This is a true fact. A true statement. It's true the moment it comes out of Henrik's mouth and it's true when it hits Jackie's ears, but somewhere between the cochlea and the processing part of his brain it becomes not true, and he's sobbing so hard he can barely breathe, clinging to his little brother's shoulders as Marvin tries to drag him away.

“Oh, I know, I know!” he cries, trying to stop heaving with tears, trying to calm down and smile all nice and unalarming, but it may as well be a miracle he's asking himself for. “Absolutely, of course you are, darling, of course, I know, it's just – ”

“Jackie.” He can't tell if Chase is groaning or laughing or maybe a little bit of both, his hand over Jackie's on Henrik's shoulder. “He's going to be a-okay, man, there's nothing to worry about. We've been here for hours.”

“Yes, but – but – you have your medicine, Schneep?”

“Oh, fuck's sake,” moans Marvin, putting his head down against Jackie's back in resignation. “We've gone through this checklist five fucking times – ”

“Jackie,” says Henrik, smiling at him. “I've got it.”

“You've got your first aid kit? Your phone? The emergency pager? All your clothes and your favorite things, your little mystery show dvds and that board game you like and JJ's painting?”

“Yes, Jackie.”

“Hung it up myself!” signs JJ, pausing only to give Henrik a last kiss on the cheek before brushing out of the apartment, his face flushed with pride for his brother and a little of the beer they've been using to celebrate. He turns to Marvin and adds, “This is worse than we expected.”

Marvin sighs deeply. “Jackie, please. He's moving three blocks away.”

“All on his own!” Pain screwdrives through his ribs and he lets out another choking sob, stepping back into Henrik's apartment for the third time in as many minutes, stroking his gloved fingers down his brother's beard, adjusting his glasses, brushing across his hair, squeezing his shoulders tight, tight, tight. “Oh, oh, oh, my poor little brother, my Schneep, my Doc-Doc, what if something happens to you, what if you get scared, what if he comes to get you and I'm not here?”

“Jackie.” Chase reaches out and grabs his hand, squishing hard to steady him. “Jackie. He's dead. Remember? He's gone. And this nerd – ” He ruffles up the hair Jackie's smoothed down and shoves Henrik playfully, making him laugh, nudging their heads together before stepping back down beside JJ. “He's going to be okay.”

“Come on, man,” begs Marvin, tugging gently on his hood. “Time to go. We'll come back tomorrow, how does that sound?”

“How about I stay here, Schneep, just for one night, just for one – ”

“No!” cry two voices and a pair of hands at once. “Jackie, we talked about this!”

“Guys,” chuckles Henrik.

His face is clear and bright, his mouth curved in an easy smile. There's a light in his eyes that re-ignited some months ago, and ever since then, Jackie feels like he's been trying to be happy for him through a thousand changes that scare the absolute hell out of him.

“Why don't you give us a second alone, hm? Jackie can meet you downstairs, right?”

Jackie whimpers, clutching Henrik's hands, putting his head down. The others sigh and agree and kiss Henrik goodbye, and then they are alone on the steps of the fresh new apartment, smelling of paint and wood and cardboard boxes stuffed full of everything that used to live in the bedroom directly above Jackie's. He could hear Henrik through the vents back then. If he cried, if he shouted, if he rambled to himself when he stayed up too late working or if Chase and Jamie and Marvin came in to hang out with him or if he sang to himself when he was happy. He could hear him.

“Jackie,” whispers Henrik, squeezing his hands in return. “I'm fine. I'm fine. It's going to be okay.”

“Don't want you to go.” Jackie's voice is a hush and he knows how weak he's being, how weak and ridiculous, and he's sorry, but he doesn't know how else to be. He's too scared, too tired, too worried to stop. “Can't see you get hurt again. Or have another breakdown or attempt or... need me and not be there again, can't...”

Henrik's hands are rubbing across the knobs of his spine, one by one, just how he knows he likes. “Nothing's going to hurt me,” he says.

“What if you get scared?”

“I'll call you.”

“What if you get lonely?”

“You're three blocks down.”

“What if you get sick and can't let anyone know in time?”

Henrik laughs, his little “Hah. Hah. Hah,” his slightly crooked front teeth grinning and his eyes all squinty with joy, different from the way anybody else laughs. His big blue eyes glow like algae and his hair shines, healthy and combed back, his face scarred cleanly now and his stomach all filled out again, soft and happy beneath a sweater and a dress shirt, though you couldn't call him unfit with as much as he's been running. Out every morning, even in the pouring rain, his sneakers slamming against the pavement and his eyes fixed gentle on the path before him, running for longer and longer every morning. Jackie used to sit by the window and wait to see him coming towards the door, scampering away before Henrik noticed, trying to avoid another lecture about helicopter parenting and paranoia, until watching over Henrik became almost as furtive and hushed for him as Marvin sneaking in the house with a new kitten. Late at night he would creep up the stairs and stand between Chase's and Henrik's rooms and listen to the sound of them both breathing.

“Come on,” says Henrik. “We both know someone's going to be checking in on me every day.”

Jackie blows out a long, snotty breath, tears making his face hot. Henrik takes the hood of his red sweatshirt and uses it to brush the salt and water away. Never skin on skin, not from hands, he knows. He knows.

“It's going to be okay,” he repeats, very soft. “I'm going to be okay. I want to do this. Live on my own again. Go to work and come home and cook for myself. Prove to you that I can. Prove to myself that I can.”

“I know,” sniffles Jackie. “I know. I want you to. It’s just - it’s just... Schneep...”

“Jackie,” he says, his hands drifting away from his spine. “I'm always going to love you.”

“Promise?” croaks Jackie.

“On my life.”

“No, not on that,” says Jackie. “Just promise.”

Henrik smiles.

He's so fucking perfect Jackie thinks the sun is probably jealous. He's so perfect roses and stars are jealous. He's so perfect Jackie knows, in a place that he tries to keep hidden, that Henrik does not need him in the same way that he used to.

“I promise,” says Henrik. “I will. I do. So much.”

“I love you too.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Yes.”

“So, when you get hurt doing something dumb...”

Jackie can't help but laugh, hearing the old scolding in his little brother's voice.

“Where are you going to go?”

“Right here,” he says. “Right to room 208.”

“And when you get lonely and everyone else is asleep...”

Jackie guffaws, shaking his head. “I know your dumb-ass will still be awake.”

“Working on something dorky,” Henrik speculates, nodding. “And when there's a hedgehog in the house?”

Jackie bursts into laughter, throwing his head back, clapping his hands together. “I didn't know what the hell it was, okay? I only got a glimpse of it! I needed help chasing it out!”

“JJ's fault for letting it in anyway,” smiles Henrik, laying a hand on his shoulder, right over his heart. Jackie sighs and wipes away his own tears and takes one step closer into Henrik's space. Just one moment more. Just one moment more.

“I know you have to start putting the past behind you,” he whispers. He clings to the sleeves of his sweater, rubbing his thumbs down the indents that run across the fabric. “I just... don't know why you have to do it three blocks away from me.”

“I know,” says Henrik. “But, my brother, my guardian, my friend – it is not for you to understand everything about every one of us. I would rather see you come to understand yourself again.”

“You,” says Jackie, and even as he feels the sentence rising on his tongue he knows it doesn't make sense. “You, the four of you – you are me. You... you are me.”

Henrik leans forward and he knocks their foreheads together. Just like Jackie has done to him since the day he was born. Fond and close, close enough that their noses nudge together, and Jackie can see the long eyelashes draped across Henrik's cheeks, and they are breathing, just for a moment longer, the exact same air.

Henrik pulls away.

Smiling again.

“Well,” he says. “Time to go figure out who the rest of you is.”

Jackie's heart aches tangibly, raw and hot in his chest. He swallows back another round of tears. He can do this. He has to do this. This is what Henrik wants, what he's wanted for months. A new job. A new place to himself. A new start. He doesn't understand exactly why right now, but he trusts him.

“Everything's going to turn out okay,” says Henrik.

“You're sure you've got everything? Medical bracelet? The leftovers Chase brought? Your fancy camera? The emergency pager? All your clothes and your favorite things, your little mystery show dvds and that board game you like and JJ's painting?”

Henrik laughs at him, in a way that means “I love you.”

“Yes, dumb-ass. Stop asking. Let go of my sleeve and go on, you big wonderful pest.”

Jackie grins at him, standing there in the light of his new apartment, glowing like a star. His little brother. The healer. The prisoner. The free man. The fighter. Still fighting to this day, but picking his battles now, and the places he wants to have them.

He lets go of Henrik's sleeve.

“Night, Schneep,” he says, eyes stinging. “I love you.”

“Good night, Jackie,” says Henrik. “Won't even be long before you see me again. Sleep, okay? Promise me.”

“Yes, doc.”

“Good man. Go on, then. I love you too.”

He trails down the stairs in a haze, snuffling away the last of his tears, feeling empty and tired now, the fear drifting distant. He opens the apartment door and tastes the cold sweet sting of the winter air on his face. His brothers are waiting for him in the light of a streetlamp, haloed in that white gold, chatting together all bundled up in their coats and their gloves, tired and happy from a day of moving their brother into his home.

“Thank God,” sighs Marvin, reaching up to zip Jackie's coat for him.

“Knew you could do it!” cheers Chase, clapping his shoulder.

And his sweet baby brother, standing up straight, so Jackie sees, suddenly, that all four of them are the exact same height, widens his mouth in a glowing smile and asks, gentle as the snow starting to come down: “Okay, Jackie?”

Jackie wraps an arm around him, pulling him to his chest, hearing his heartbeat thudding against his own. Strong and warm and steady.

“Yeah,” he says, letting his brothers lead him three blocks away. “Or if it isn't right now, it will be. Hey, I love you guys.”

“Good,” signs JJ. “You should. I love you too.”

“I love you all!”

“Yeah, yeah, you soppy disasters. I love you all too. Very much.”

At least he’s got three of them here to echo it back to him, and the fourth, he knows, will never stop ringing in his head.

“Everything’s going to be okay.”

[faeofheart]

STUDY  :   JAMIE ADAIR ( JAMIE SITHEACH O’FAOLAIN )

BASICS.

IS YOUR MUSE TALL  /  SHORT  /  AVERAGE?

jamie is way taller than you’d ever expect. jamie has the energy of someone who’s rather small and meek but surprisingly? jamie is 6′4. they’re... very tall. 

ARE THEY OKAY WITH THEIR HEIGHT?

yes and no? most of the time jamie doesn’t particularly think about it, but sometimes they wish they weren’t so... noticeable?

WHAT’S THEIR HAIR LIKE?

it’s about to their shoulders now, maybe a little bit longer, though it depends on how tight their curls are at any given moment. it’s very soft on account of how much time and work they put into it, and is a deep mahogany or copper. in dim lighting it may seem just brown, but any amount of light on it and you can see the copper tones throughout. it may even seem metallic, with how shimmery it is. 

DO THEY SPEND A LOT OF TIME ON THEIR HAIR  /  GROOMING?

definitely. curly hair takes a lot of work to maintain, and they are diligent about keeping up on shaving when it comes to any unwanted facial or body hair. 

DOES YOUR MUSE CARE ABOUT THEIR APPEARANCE  /  WHAT OTHERS THINK?

absolutely. jamie would be reluctant to admit it but he’s a pretty vain person. and they have a bit of anxiety surrounding how people perceive them, especially in regards to his fashion choices, given that they’re not exactly.... traditional 

PREFERENCES.

INDOORS OR OUTDOORS? indoors.

RAIN OR SUNSHINE? sun

FOREST OR BEACH? forest x100.

PRECIOUS METALS OR GEMS? gems (less likely to have iron)

FLOWERS OR PERFUMES? flowers.

PERSONALITY OR APPEARANCE? personality.

BEING ALONE OR BEING IN A CROWD?  alone.

ORDER OR ANARCHY?  anarchy

PAINFUL TRUTHS OR WHITE LIES? painful truths. 

SCIENCE OR MAGIC?  both.

PEACE OR CONFLICT?  peace.

NIGHT OR DAY? night.

DUSK OR DAWN? dusk.

WARMTH OR COLD? warmth.

MANY ACQUAINTANCES OR A FEW CLOSE FRIENDS?  a few friends.

READING OR PLAYING A GAME? playing a game.

QUESTIONNAIRE.  

WHAT ARE SOME OF YOUR MUSE’S BAD HABITS?

snap judgements of other people, pride and arrogance ( and the inability to admit to them ), ascribing human morality to inhuman creatures, holding grudges, quick tempers, in general a sense of denial.

HAS YOUR MUSE LOST ANYONE CLOSE TO THEM? HOW HAS IT AFFECTED THEM?

jamie’s mother died when they were 15, and its shaped how jamie views death in general. they’re not all that willing to talk to people in regards to what their childhood was like, and struggle a lot with the idea that they’re functionally immortal and will, in all likelihood, have to watch everyone he loves die at some point. 

WHAT ARE SOME FOND MEMORIES YOUR MUSE HAS?

much of jamie’s childhood was spent in and out of the hospital and doctors office, but most of jamie’s happier memories are spent with his mother and sister. baking pies, listening to stories, learning gaelige... 

IS IT EASY FOR YOUR MUSE TO KILL?

no. jamie has a very strong sense of empathy, to the point it actually holds him back from exploring their full potential. however, if someone were to threaten those that jamie cares about ( or claims as Theirs ) they’re less likely to hold back and lash out. also the longer jamie lives and the more time jamie spends with other fey, the more they grow to accept their violent urges. in enough time, he will (for better or for worse) become more comfortable with casual violence like other fey, and that does include killing. but even then, it’s never something they do lightly. it always is for a purpose, never unprovoked ( even if the “provocation�� is simply because they’re part of a Wild Hunt )

WHAT’S IT LIKE WHEN YOUR MUSE BREAKS DOWN?

honestly? it... hasn’t really happened? so i’m not entirely sure. a true jamie breakdown is likely one that’s not out of sadness but more out of anger. less breaking down, more snapping. regardless of what is happening though, it’s exceedingly unlikely that it won’t result with accidental unrestrained magic. 

IS YOUR MUSE CAPABLE OF TRUSTING SOMEONE WITH THEIR LIFE?

yes and no. blind trust amongst the fey is suicidal, and though jamie is very trusting ( well... jamie is much more likely to trust someone with their body than they are with their past, and their deeper emotions ) they’ve learned over time that if you must trust someone, be aware of what they can do with that trust. here’s an example:

jamie trusts brock ( @fuckingvictus​ ) with his life. and what i mean by that is... were jamie and brock to go a faerie revel, or into one of the courts, jamie trusts brock not to kill him and not to allow jamie be killed by another. however, jamie isn’t ignorant and they’re not a fool. trusting brock with his life does not mean he trusts brock with their safety. they trust brock not to let jamie die but they don’t trust brock not to allow harm come to them. not only that, but jamie is aware that brock at some point may be the one to hurt him -- that at some point he probably will. it is, in all likelihood, not a malicious or malevolent thing, it’s just in brock’s nature. jamie is also aware that if saving him would be so inconvenient that benefits of keeping him alive don’t outweigh the risks or inconviences of savng him, and no oath or promise has been made... that brock would let him die.

so yes. jamie is capable of trusting someone with their life, if we mean “i trust that this person will not allow me to die unless its too inconvenient to protect me, or will result in them dying instead.” they just don’t trust people with their safety. 

( that said, it depends in this regard too. depending on how well he knows a person, he may allow themself to be more vulnerable and less careful (but never careless) in how they are with a person if they believe that the person wouldn’t find it worth it to use that to their advantage. it’s all very complicated because trust amongst the fey is.... complicated )

WHAT’S YOUR MUSE LIKE WHEN THEY’RE IN LOVE?

jamie’s family on their father’s side all have some... animal that they’re tied to. his sister and (late) grandfather are foxes, their father is a wolf, and jamie is both wolf but also that of a deer. what this means is that jamie on some level has the desire to form a pack, or herd. and jamie can be very territorial. not in a jealous way, but more that... if someone were to threaten a person that jamie has, on some level, claimed as His, then he will get aggressively protective, even if he may not necessarily want to be. if jamie’s in love, that person will most certainly be theirs, and by virtue of being their “mate” he will also be even more protective over them and it may be important to set boundaries, because while jamie tries to keep control of these more fey-like urges, it’s not... always something they’re aware of. 

outside of that, though, jamie is in general a very affectionate person. they love to cuddle, laying on someone, draping over their shoulder, playing with your hair, giving gifts and more. they’re not always that great at using words to express it, but you can expect quiet and gentle conversations. with someone he loves, jamie is less likely to hide himself -- for example, if in a time where jamie is king of the autumn court and their lover is human, jamie would be less inclined to mask their human tendencies around their partner (whereas ordinarily in this situation, they’d have hidden most of their human mannerisms to fit into the court easier). in a situation such as now, where jamie is still largely human and coming to terms of who and what they are, then jamie is less likely to hide their more fey like mannerisms, especially their mischief and sense of playfulness. 

TAGGED BY STOLEN FROM i stole this months ago​

TAGGING : anyone who wants to steal!

[eyeslikefoxglove]

Episode 15 - Stop fucking shooting fucking kites & Fuck this shit I’m out

Welcome! So I am apparently a glutton for punishment because here I am, after saying I’d probably wait for the anger to go away before watching the next episode, already watching and still pissed off, get ready, I might get really snarky with this one.

And now I wonder what would’ve happened if JFM had just let sect leader Yao kick the bucket.

“Jin Zixuan is somewhat a decent person.” High fucking praise coming from WWX if you ask me.

Ok this goodbye scene is a cute way to show in which sense JC is similar to Mme Yu, tbh. You could say they’re similar bc they have this very harsh way of talking (which I don’t actually mind, I have RBF and am as done with everything as JC so...) but nope, they’re similar in the way they worry about others. It’s kind of a cool dichotomy btw two people having the same temperament, yet one is a terrible person and the other a loving one.

[btw I’ve seen a couple of posts floating around here about how fucking terrible JC actually is and I’m not interested in that narrative, I think he’s a good, person, deeply flawed, but like everyone else is]

Hi! This is the day after, I did end up going to do some yard work, which was pretty much me holding up a ladder my mum had no business climbing and she raining dry twigs and leaves on me.

One frivolous thought here in the middle of all this angst and worry, I really love JC’s clothes.

Just when I was starting to pity WC he had to go and get that delighted expression on his face when WRH told him to go kills people.

STOP FUCKING SHOOTING FUCKING KITES.

THEY ARE ALL SO CUTE AND THEY ARE ALL GOING TO DIE, FUCK THIS SHIT I’M OUT.

Listen, I know it will do jackshit but I love WWX poking holes in JiaoJaio’s “the kite is like the sun” rant.

Am I too cynical or was it incredibly obvious that “punishing” WWX would do jack to pacify JiaoJiao? I’m just asking, because while I do think Mme Yu is fucking terrible, I don’t want to assign blame unduly. I mean, they came with soldiers, she’s sitting on the throne, she’s been a rude little bitch and ranted about conspiracies and now she wants to punish someone who she very well knows the Jiangs don’t consider a servant (Don’t get me started on the classism); wasn’t it a bit too naive of Mme Yu to think a whipping would make JiaoJiao back off? I don’t think she’s naive, so that means she’s just unloading on WWX as usual, with a bonus of an audience, which brings me back to her being terrible. Or is there an actual cultural thing I’m not getting?

MY BB JC LOOKS SO FUCKING HORRIFIED. Petition to change Angry Lotus for Soft Lotus when referring to him. This is the boy some of you said has always hated/been jealous of WWX and could not wait to get an excuse to abuse and murder him? The same boy who’s protecting him with his own body, on his knees and begging? Sure Jan.

Also, small Zidian tangent with a side of “JC is a good boy”, I haven’t counted the lashes but let’s say he got 10. 10 lashes is enough to have someone as strong and WWX laid out for a month. When JC hits him with Zidian in Dafan mountain to “expel the spirit” WWX gets up pretty much right after, yes it was only one lash and he’s complaining, but he’s got no core, got beaten up and fell down a hill earlier that day, so I’m assuming he’s not in the best of shapes. That, combined with the sad+defeated face JC makes when no spirit is expelled really leads me to think he absolutely thought it was his brother and pulled the hit. I might be reaching, but anything to not have to think about what’s actually happening on my screen.

Back to this fucking mess now:

I am going to shank Mme Yu at this rate ngl. Again, she keeps giving into JiaoJiao’s demands, and she seems to think they won’t keep climbing higher, is she blinded by her hate for WWX or have I missed an indicator that JiaoJiao would be satisfied with the hand?

Should I talk about WWX’s willingness to let himself be mutilated? I’m kind of reminded of Jamie Lannister (he’s a fave, again, don’t @ me) and how understandably fucked up he got after losing his dominant hand, as he says “I was that hand”. Now, we all know that isn’t true, but with WWX’s self-worth issues why wouldn’t he measure his worth by how useful he can be? He’s a hell of a fighter, and that’s what “makes him useful” in his own eyes. Right now he thinks he’s being useful by letting them cut his hand off, but if he survives the mutilation what exactly will he be worth afterwards? Just think about it for a second, and cry.

When JiaoJiao says she likes you I think it is time to reconsider all your life choices up to this point.

Oooof ooooof, ok ok, lots to unpack in those sentences. “You should look at the owner before you punish a dog” & “How dare you come here and penalise my family members before me” they’re both kind of terrible. On one hand, she’s recognising WWX as part of her family and no one is allowed to touch them, on the other hand, is in the role of someone way below her actual family, and it is very clear that, while no one else is allowed to hurt her family, she is, which is not super great tbh. So yay Mme Yu finally recognised WWX as family, not so yay she still is a terrible abusive person? Even worse because it looks like she’s come to terms with WWX being family long ago, yet she kept treating him like garbage all this time?

Ok but Jinzhu and Yinzhu are badass tho.

This might be the only instance you will read me cheer for Mme Yu but here we are I guess.

I AM WEARING MASCARA AND I REFUSE TO CRY

You know what would’ve made me 10000 times more sympathetic towards Mme Yu? If, after she screamed she hated WWX she would’ve hugged him too. Deal with me for a second. JC and Mme Yu are very similar aren’t they? They’re harsh, quite angry, and, although they care no one will catch them showing it. When JFM scolded JC saying to not blurt things out in anger I hoped this would be what happened with Mme Yu, she’s angry and worried, so she’d babble some bullshit at WWX. But she also knows she’s going to die, so I thought, that, as a goodbye she’d at least show him some affection as if to say “I care, but I’m also a very angry bitter woman and there is no time to put it in words, take care of each other.”

Do I still dislike her with all I have? Yes, but I can recognise she’s the only maternal figure our Yunmeng sibs have ever had and, terrible as she might be, they still love her and losing her is going to hurt a lot.

Ok ok, another sad musing for y’all. WWX told JC to stop JiaoJaio, yet he (understandably) got distracted trying to help his mum against WZL. We’ve all seen the super sad scene of these two in the tall grass and JC trying to strangle WWX screaming “it is your fault I want my parents” and yet WWX wasn’t the one stopping JiaoJiao, JC was. How many of you wanna bet JC fully believes it is his own fault the siege was successful and blaming WWX out loud is his way of projecting all the anger he has toward himself?

Even sadder musing. When Shijie gets injured, he’s holding onto her from behind, Shijie sees the man going for WWX and has time to push him away yet JC doesn’t. Once again, another person he loves is dead because he was distracted, and on cue again, he lashes out at his brother.

I am not saying that’s healthy or that the fact that he didn’t go for the killing blow in either of those instances is praiseworthy but I’m pretty sure he fully believes all his family is dead because of him, so yeah.

Back to the show now:

So I’ve got a bone to pick with JFM, yes yes, it is very sad, another parent who is walking to his death saying goodbye to his children, but look at the way he does it. He touches JC and Shijie’s faces and tells them not to cry, he then pats WWX on the shoulder and tasks him with taking care of them. I don’t know if he’s so deep down the rabbit hole that he truly thinks that, bc WWX is an orphan, his death won’t affect him the same way it’ll hurt is kids or what. But that was fucking cruel and yet again, explains soooooo much of WWX’s trauma. Neither parental figure spared a word of affection for him before dying and he can’t remember much of his parents, so it’s not like he has their heartfelt goodbyes either.

ETA: so I just noticed that JC and WWX are holding hands at the end of the episode and, I’m assuming, they’re also holding hands with Shijie. Fuck me I’m crying.

You guys my black cat, who really doesn’t like cuddling, just came up to me for a head rub, so just imagine how sad (and angry) I must be feeling. Or maybe she’s just hungry.

Anyway thanks for watching.

[doof-doofblog]

"You Come Near My Wife Again, I'll Kill You!"

Thursday 18th February 2021

Hello again everyone! How are we all? After this post I will finally be up to date, I apologise how long it's taken me, but I'm happy to be able to catch up and review Thursday's episode!

Wow!!! This was episode was absolutely brilliant, everyone was kind of involved with each other in one way or another, it was as if everything and everyone entwined to get to this big moment! The first thing I'm going to focus on is Martin, Kush, Ruby and Stacey! After Iqra dropped the bombshell on Martin, informing him that Ruby was the brains behind the robbery at the Minute Mart, causing him to get attacked, he approaches his best friend, Kush, asking for his opinion and his advice. Could Ruby really be to blame? I guess it's understandable for Martin to find it hard to believe that his new wife could be to blame, however we and of course Kush knows more about Ruby than he's letting on. Kush suggests that Martin should just ask his new wife straight out, but Martin fears that if he was wrong, things will go down the path of another divorce and a broken family. (Although, when he finds out the truth, it's going to come to that anyway, right?) He tries his absolute best to convince himself that Iqra had got her facts wrong.

However, Kush only knows too well what Ruby is capable of. In need of searching for some more advice, Kush leans on Stacey, informing her about what Martin has revealed to him. But the most interesting thing is that Kush finally reveals to her that Ruby actually gave him money to run away with Arthur. Stacey, at first, can't seem to understand why Ruby would want to mess with her family and take away her child, but eventually it all makes sense! Ruby is jealous of Stacey's past with Martin and is desperate to have him all to herself! But she's done some really terrible things to get what she wants, even paying someone to attack Stacey in the streets! Stacey even suspects that Ruby could even be lying about being pregnant, as there still hasn't been any physical evidence of a pregnancy. So, instead of Kush having to worry about breaking up his friend's marriage, Stacey is adamant that she's going to reveal all of Ruby's lies to Martin and make him see what kind of person he's married!

As Martin returns to see his wife at work, she drops a huge hint that she has taken the afternoon off so they could have some "Fun" together, seductively wiping the paper off of her office desk. But unfortunately for Ruby, it's clear to see that Martin clearly isn't interested in getting intimate with his wife, especially after the accusations he's heard about her. Ruby can't seem to understand his reluctance, but he simply states that he's not in the mood. It seems as if every time Ruby has some alone time with her husband, she's wanting to get intimate, is this truly some kind of pregnancy hormone she has or, as we've been speculating, is she really not pregnant and is desperate to make her lie become the truth?!

--

Okay so this is where things are going to get interesting, before we delve into the fiasco regarding Phil, Max, and Mick, I just want to mention the little friendship blossoming between Sharon and Jean! I absolutely love it! I don't think we've ever seen these two be so pally, but it looks as if Jean has actually been there for Sharon, giving her advice on Phil. At first, she claimed that she believed that Sharon and Phil belonged together, almost getting Sharon's hope up that she might be able to rekindle her romance with him. However, when that didn't go to plan, Jean was there to once again be a friend and state to Sharon that she is a Queen and she could have any man she wanted, although there doesn't seem to be anyone else she's interested in. So, to cheer her up, Jean suggests having some chocolate - of course, chocolate always makes people happy! But when the go to the Minute Mart, Jean realises she's only 20p short and Suki is unwilling to let it slide, even though they offer to give it to her another time. As Jean looks visibly upset to leave the chocolate behind, Sharon quickly suggest that they be like Thelma and Louisa and nick the chocolate, stuffing the goodies up their tops! I just love how they both act like giggly school girls together, causing trouble. Not that I condone shop-lifting, but I just loved this moment between Jean and Sharon, I hope this won't just be a brief friendship, I do hope that this friendship blossoms and becomes something solid, what do you guys think?

Unfortunately, it looks as if Sharon's romance with Phil may have fizzled out and in Phil's eyes, be over. Phil seems to be enjoying some steamy time with Kat, what do you guys make of this pairing? I mean, it wasn't too long ago they were at each other's necks about money regarding their robbery attempt, now they're sleeping together! Crazy?! But as much as it appears to be a bit of fun right now, do you think it may lead to something more serious? After spending another night with Kat, he seems to realise that his deadline for Max is slowly coming to an end. Knowing that it's going to be difficult to get Sharon to sign the papers over, he takes a visit to Max, informing that he needs more time. But Max is having none of it and warns that if the Queen Vic papers aren't signed over to the Carter's by the end of the day, he will take the memory stick he has of all Phil's criminal history to the police!

--

Before his confrontation with Phil, Max was on the street of Walford, of course he was looking for Linda, but he ended up bumping into Stacey. I have to mention this brief interaction, as Stacey states that it had been 11 years since Bradley's death! I can't even begin to believe it's been that long the soap has been without Bradley, I have to be honest though, it makes me happy that still after all this time, they still mention his name. He hasn't been forgotten! There are some deaths that you do forget about, but the likes of Pat, Peggy, Ronnie, Roxy, Danielle, Barry, Jamie - you just don't forget and Bradley is one of them too! I also loved the fact that after all this time, Stacey still holds a photograph of him in her purse. I don't know about you guys but I feel that Bradley will always be her one true love! She questions whether Max had remembered the day, but admits he tries not to think about it as it hurts too much. It's then he clocks Linda and hurries to catch her, he claims that he understands why she chose Mick over him to which she is a little confused, but he informs her that he actually knows the full reason why. To her shock, Linda is absolutely devastated and is desperate to know how he found out the truth about Mick, Max admits he found out through Jack.

Now this is the biggest mistake he could've done! Informing Linda the truth, Jack arrives back at the house after Max has had his confrontation with Phil. Jack informs him that he knows that Max has spoken to Linda, because it's all turned back on him. Linda went to the police station and complained and now it's caused Jack to be suspended and potentially lose his job! Because of Max's selfish acts once again, he's put his brother's job in jeopardy! In an attempt to try and do the right thing, Jack decides to apologise to Mick, even though he's completely unaware that they know about his past. But this is where it all kicks off! Jack fully admits that he told Max about Mick's past, but the only reason Jack found out was plainly innocent, seeing him at the police station. This information get's a bit too much for Mick and he knows he has to confront Max once and for all!

--

Whilst all this happening, Phil takes it upon himself to visit Sharon at the Vic. He informs her that she basically has no choice in selling the Vic over to the Carter's. As much as it hurts her and she's adamant she doesn't want to leave, Phil questions whether she is really really happy living there, I guess you could say it is emotional blackmail, but Phil is desperate to get himself out of trouble. He asks her if she had any feeling left for him, he would do as he's asking, otherwise he's going to end up in prison! Phil informs her that Max has something dirty on him and if he was to hand it into the police, not just Phil, but possibly Sharon would be done for! He promises that even if the Vic gets back into the Carter's hands, he'll make sure Sharon is looked after and provided for.  

Finally it all comes to this point as everyone gathers in the Vic, Max walks in waiting to hear news from Phil, eventually Phil comes down and informs him that they have a deal, Sharon is willing to sign the Queen Vic over back to Mick and Linda. In exchange, Max willingly hands over the memory stick. However, Max's smug face doesn't last for long as Mick and Linda both enter the Vic and approach him. Max acknowledges them and informs them that he has good news, but Mick isn't interested in hearing it. He warns Max just simply stay away from his wife. But Max just doesn't seem to listen does he? He kind of oversteps the mark here, he claims the only reason why Linda is still with him, is out of pity! Mick only responds by giving Max a good punch in the face, making him fly across the room and collapsing in a booth! I also have to state I don't condone violence, but Max had it coming really didn't he?!

Overall a brilliant episode, I loved how everything linked and came together! Brilliant script writing and amazing performances from everyone involved. Jake Wood, Danny Dyer, Steve McFadden, Scott Maslen - everyone! I apologise for this post being late, but I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it! I'll be back again tomorrow following Friday's episode! Enjoy the rest of your day folks! Love you all xXx

[7deadlycinderellas]

The Ghost of the Red Keep, ch6

Ao3 link

Six and ten and all her years later, Arya will never forget the sight of Bran’s broken leg twisted and deformed. It’s the bone in his upper leg, close to his hip. Maester Pycelle says it may be well over a year until he can walk again, if ever.

He’d slammed his head into the ground as well. If he hadn’t still had his helm on then he could have died. As it was, he took a hard hit, and couldn’t say quite what had happened when he woke up.

“All I remember was riding Storm and then black,” Bran tells them when he finally wakes from the milk of the poppy induced sleep Pycelle had put him under while he set his leg. “I guess something spooked him, and he threw me.”

That’s horseshit, and Arya feels like Bran knows it. Storm was well trained, and had never so much as stumbled. It would take a great fright to even make him bolt, much less throw off his rider. And Bran’s leg…

Arya can’t quite remember what Maester Luwin had taught them what that bone was called, but she recalls that it was supposed to be one of the strongest bones in the body. A fall from a horse shouldn’t have been enough. Arya doesn’t think it was an accident, but she’s frightened to say so.

It will take ages for him to heal, and Ned insists that he shouldn’t have to do it in the capital. So in less than a fortnite, as soon as his condition stabilizes, Bran and Catelyn are loaded into the wheelhouse to return to Winterfell.

Bran is completely bereft when Arya sees him leave. This is basically the end of his dream.

Arya bids them a tearful farewell, and tries not to be too terribly jealous.

Everyone is walking on eggshells in the following weeks.

Arya manages to sneak around in the tunnels when the septas come to take Stan and Leo’s bodies away to the sept. There will be no funerals for them, the two bastard boys, but the least they could do, Arya thinks, is not cart them away in front of their mother.

She sees one’s hand sticking out of the cart, his skin pale with a strange, almost silvery sheen.

The plans for the tourney continue.

The next full moon is the second to last day of when the tourney is planned. Arya’s skin itches again. There’s danger all around her, and she can’t think of anything to do about it, she can feel it in her bones. She’s not sure if she should say anything to Ned about it, she’s not sure what she even could say, and all she wants to do is talk to Gendry.

She writes him what she can, but she’s not sure what’s safe to say. He writes her back, when he can, scrawled on the back of her letters in his still rough, He consoles her over Bran, understands how devastating it would have been. Tells her of another boy, an apprentice smith, who’d leaned too close to the fire and fell, burned his hands nearly to black. That boy wouldn’t smith anymore, he’d been on the mercy of the gods and the septas.

Arya’s so worried, she doesn’t even fight having her gown for the ball made and fitted. It is beautiful, silvery gray silk, the same shade as the rabbit fur in her cloak, even if the skirt is volominous and hard to run in.

Sansa finishes it up, her hand as steady and certain as any professional seamstress.

She twists, and bends over to grab something, and her rolled up sleeves ride up even further up her elbows, and Arya just barely catches a glimpse…

She grabs Sansa’s arm and forcefully pushes the sleeve upwards, ignoring her objections. The bruise is angry, purple with spots already turning yellow-brown. Sansa snatches her arm back before Arya can search any further.

“Did the prince give you that?” Arya demands.

Sansa looks away.

“It doesn’t matter. Soon we’ll be married, and I’ll only have to see him in public. I’ll have guards all around me…”

Her voice trails off and Arya has to stop herself from screaming. Screaming that those guards will likely be the king’s men, not hers. Screaming to Sansa that Joffrey’s not even a prince, but a rotten bastard. She has to use all her willpower to squeeze it down, to squash the urge. No one can know, Ned had said.

“Tommen told me he wanted to join the Kingsguard so he could protect me...Bran too, before... That’s what Ser Jamie did. He joined the Kingsguard so his sister wouldn’t be alone here...some good it did.”

Arya barely has time to acknowledge that yes, the Kingslayer did seem unsually close to his twin, before her brain starts screaming again.

“The queen knows this?”

Sansa snorts. Arya is astonished, she’s never heard Sansa make that noise before.

“I wonder if the queen knows much of anything anymore. She’s drunk on wine half the time, rambling on about things that don’t make sense. She said once that Robert’s struck her before...that made me feel bad, but then she laughed like it didn’t matter. She keeps going on and on about how she’ll show him…The things about Lord Baelish and Jon Arryn, and something about imports from Essos...I don’t know how her mind gets to where it does.

Sansa takes a deep breath before plastering a smile on her face.

“At least soon, I will be queen, and she won’t be able to make anyone else suffer.”

Arya thinks on that for a while. Once her son marries, Cersei’s power will be diminished. Once Robert dies, she might as well not be a royal anymore. Would she go home then, to Casterly Rock? Would that make her happy?

Arya thinks going home to Winterfell would make her happier than anything, but not without knowing her family and friends were safe.

The first day of the tourney comes. Arya smiles brightly and forces Sansa to the edge of the bench, on her one side, Ned on her other. No room for princes to force themselves. They’re not even wed yet, she insists.

She wants to enjoy the tourney. She would normally, would lap it up, would eagerly watch the riders and try to learn their tricks, pick a favorite and cross her fingers for them. Daydream about entering one herself. Aunt Lyanna had, she had said that the joust was nine-tenths horsemanship, and Arya could ride as well as a boy.

But everytime she looks at the horses, and the lance, her stomach sinks and she thinks of Bran.

No bone would break like that from a fall from a horse.

There’s a rush of stiff applause, and Arya watches the man they call the Mountain that Rides. He looks like he could break a man in two with just his pinky finger. He’s one of Cersei Lannister’s prized champions, or Tywin Lannister’s rabid dog, depending on who you asked.

She watches him holding the lance, and feels a chill on the back of her neck.

The next day, the melee, she begs off the festivities, claiming an upset stomach. She wonders at the empty seat beside Sansa, and her heart lifts when it ends up being taken by Edric Storm.

“My uncle is off seeking the maester, hoping to find a tea for my constitution,”

“Perhaps I should find him,” Arya interjects, “I’m feeling a bit out of sorts myself. I think we should both lay off the cherries.”

She tilts her head, and sees the very base of Edric’s hands. Marked with an ever so slight metallic sheen. Arya does her best to meet her father’s eyes, but she can’t be sure if he sees.

Sneaking into the kitchens is easy enough. The servants who can are outside watching the tourney, one of the bits of the entertainment there for all, those who aren’t are rushing about in early preperation for the feast that will end it.

Most of them pay her no mind. Lady Arya Stark never yelled or gave them trouble. Oh if they had known Arya Underfoot. She finds Mheagan easily enough, Barra sticking closely to her side. The little girl is bigger now, nearly five or six, though still quite small. Big enough to fetch and carry, but too small to stray from her mother’s side and be seen.

Today, she has a whining tone in her voice. Arya recognizes it, from Rickon, or shamefully, from her own voice on occasion.

“Mumma, I’m hungry,”

“Then you should have eaten your breakfast.”

“Don’t like cherries.”

Arya wrinkles her nose. There they are again, those cherries.

Something in her mind blinks to life. And that’s how Arya finds herself in the Red Keep library when there’s a tournament going on outside.

It’s not hard to find the book. She’d found it by accident before, it had been sitting on one of the tables when the Septa had been teaching her and Sansa their history. Arya had been admonished for reading it instead of listening, but she remembers.

Why a book on poisons had been so easily accessible had never occurred to her.

The joili nut, she read, was once a popular snack food in parts of Essos until it was discovered that consumption over time would cause poisons to build up in the eater’s body, causing weakness and stomach upset, eventually leading to vomiting, seizures, and death from too much.

They could be distinguished by the almondesque taste, at times almost tasting like ripe cherries, and the slight metallic look caused by the oils staining the skin.

Cherry tarts, is all Arya can think of. She smuggles the book out under her jerkin, and when Ned returns to the tower, she’s left it open to the correct page.

Early the next morning, Arya wakes to a note from Ned atop a pile of packages wrapped in burlap.

“Take the top to the kitchen, leave it behind the flour barrel. The middle to the stable, on the ladder above the saddle rack. The bottom is for Gendry, I trust you know where to leave it. Renly has Edric covered. We’re getting them out before this week is through.”

Being the ghost of the red keep has it’s benefits.

She saves Gendry’s package for last, and risks Ned’s wrath by sneakiing down to see him.

It’s early, only a tiny strip of sun, and he’s still asleep on his cot.

He sits up, blinking, when she flings the package at his chest.

“Hold onto those and listen. We’re sneaking you out, you and your siblings too. “

“What are you-”

Arya shushes him, sitting on the edge of his cot.

“The queen’s children are bastards. They aren’t the kings. We think she was keeping the rest of you around...poisoning the others, so she could have something to hold over King Robert’s head if he ever found out about her infidelity.”

Gendry laughs roughly. The golden children, flaunted in front of all of King’s Landing, bastards just like him. She doesn’t tell him the other bit, that other thing Ned confided in her. She had watched Jamie Lannister in the first days of the tournament, her stomach twisting each time in disgust. She hopes it’s not true, but Lord Renly has insisted that the rumours have persisted about the Queen and her twin for years.

“So your-”

“We’re sending Mheagan and Barra up north to Winterfell. You and Mya are going to the Riverlands, and Renly’s sneaking Edric back to Storm’s End right after the ball. “

She reaches out and squeezes Gendry’s hands tight. Her heart tugs. She would say that she wishes they could send him to Winterfell, but she’s not sure where she’s even going to end up when this is all done. If Ned’s accusations don’t go as planned...there could be war, and it’s better if they aren’t all in one place.

She hesitates, before handing him the other package she had grabbed when she brought Ned’s.

Gendry’s eyes go wide when he unwraps the sword.

“You’re giving me Needle?” he asks breatheless. Arya is similarly out of breath when she responds.

“You’ll need it more than me. I know you can make yourself a better sword, but on the road, until you get to where my father’s sending you…” her voice trails off, words rendered babbles, “Right now you need it more than me,” she steels her voice, “And when you see me again, you can give it back.”

She surges forward and kisses him, once, hard. She pulls back, his eyes are so incredibly blue.

“I’ll come and find you when it’s time to leave...please stay safe.”

Arya bounces on her heels for the rest of the tourney. Ned whispers more of his plans to her. All three groups will leave in the early morning, once the ball is officially over, when most of the castle will be too drunk or hungover to pay attention, and Arya must help them be ready.

He also tells her that he’s sending Sansa away with Renly and Edric.

“That will put her in danger too-” Arya tells him. Ned nods.

“But she will be far away from here, and I do trust Renly. He may not be the most brilliant or thoughtful of lords but he is not cruel and he is not duplicitious. He would bear her no ill will. And if she stays here, than she will be in danger too.”

The tourney and the ball will end, the ghosts will disappear into the night and the next day, Ned will levy his accusations at the queen. These accusations of adultery, treason and incest. Arya doesn’t ask what will happen to her, or what will happen to him.

At the suggestion of a visitor from the Reach, the ball will be a masquerade. That evening, Sansa and Arya prepare their masks. Sansa’s is simple, it barely covers her eyes.

Arya tsks at her while adding the fake fur to her wolf mask, that will go all the way over her head, like a helm.

“What’s the point of that, everyone will know it’s you.”

Sansa smiles sadly.

“Everyone will already know it’s me. They all do.”

Sansa’s gown is a gorgeous pale gold, enveloping her pale figure and making her look all the more regal, despite the anxious look on her face, and the filmy shawl hiding the marks on her arms. Arya’s heart tugs in her chest. She so desperately wants to tell her sister that everything will be okay, that she won’t have to marry that awful prince, but she knows how to keep mum, and she must.

The jousting ends, and the melee, and the archery contests, and Arya would be hard pressed to tell you the names of any of the winners. She doesn’t like this and hopes it ends soon.

Arya dresses for the feast and the ball, and tries not to let her worry show on her face. Sansa helps her lace up her gown and Arya places the wolf mask over her face, braids pinned neatly underneath.

Ned pauses outside when the handmaiden leaves, looking them both over. It’s been so long since he’s looked happy at all, that Arya beams.

“You look lovely,” he says, giving each girl a hug over their shoulders. “The both of you.”

When he hugs Arya, he slips her a bit of paper, which she tucks into her waist pocket. They’ve already discussed this, but she wanted it just in case.

“I’ll see you both at the feast.”

Arya and Sansa walk to the great hall arm in arm. Arya feels that her face must look preoccupied, because Sansa whispers to her,

“Thinking about your secret friend?”

Arya chuckles. She knew she was going to regret letting Myrcella call him that.

“One of these days, I’ll tell you all about him. But for tonight, I can’t.”

Sansa wiggles her eyebrows, and Arya realizes she’d never even let it slip before that Gendry was a “he”. Suddenly, she does wish she could tell Sansa all about him. As fun as it had been keeping him a secret all these years, suddenly, she just wants her sister’s advice.

The feast is lavish and rich. The centerpiece is what must be an entire roast auroch, with leeks and potatoes and huge boats of gravy. Smaller platters abound, rabbit in wine sauce, crispy fried duck, ocean fish wrapped in bacon. Arya barely has a tiny bit of each and she’s already nearly stuffed even before getting to the side dishes, the piles of oat breads, the parsnips and onions boiled in gravy, the little fried fishfingers. She barely even wants to look at the desserts, the gorgeous cream swans and piles of cakes, though she manages a single honey biscuit.

The spirits are flowing freely, and Arya watches as the king and queen at the high table make their way through what seems like it must be a whole barrel each. Sansa sips daintily at a single glass of Dornish red, while Arya slowly learns to appreciate her own cup of mead. No one else around them seems to be holding back.

By the time most of the dishes have been cleared, the music has started and the dancing begun, Arya is so full she feels like she can’t move. The nerves deep inside her don’t help. She can’t think that after tonight, she doesn’t know when (or even if) she’ll ever see Gendry again. Him being safe has to be the most important bit.

When the dancing begins, Sansa can’t refuse Joffrey’s offerred hand. He’d crossed all the way across the hall to ask of course, and this feast is in celebration of their upcoming marriage!

Everyone in the crowd are in masks. Some are as simple as Sansa’s (much as Arya said, the blue feathers do little to disguise her fair face and red hair), others are elaborate, more like headdresses than masks. Cersei herself is wearing a fringed golden mask, likely intended to resemble a lion. King Robert has apparently foregone the theme of the ball, and wears no mask.

Arya dances a few times. She’s not great, but as far as most of the expected ladies skills she was expected to gain, dancing is far from the most obnoxious, so she mostly sticks to the sidelines, watching.

King Robert is so drunk that he’s begun to slump over, though his mouth is still moving. Cersei’s back is ramrod straight, but her hand never leaves her wine glass, and it is never empty.

The night goes on, the crowd waxes and wanes, and Arya listens closely for the faraway sound of the time-keepers’ chimes. She’s waiting for twelve, the hour of the ghost.

Just when the night is beginning to drag on, and she hears the chimes go to eleven, Arya feels a tap on her shoulder.

The clothes he wears are simple, a wool tunic and leather breeches, but well made enough not to be out of place at the ball. He wears a simple black mask covering the upper part of his face, underneath the black iron helm, horns twisted to the front. All Arya has to see is his eyes before a grin sprouts on her face.

“What are you doing here?” she asks, excitedly, grasping both of Gendry’s hands in hers.

“Your father left a bit ago to go and rouse us all, so we could get ready,” he nods off to the edge of the ballroom, where Ned sits with a mug of ale, as though he’d never left. He’d only been wearing the simplest of black masks before, and is now bare-faced. “He gave me the mask, said he thought I might want to see you before we leave.”

Arya feels her face glow red, and she glances, embarrassed, towards where Ned sits.

“I’m glad he did.”

She reaches out and touches the helm. The metal is smooth, the horns well shaped.

“Is this-” she asks in awe.

Gendry nods.

“Your father went out, found Master Mott. He wanted to make sure I didn’t have any belongings I wanted to take with me.”

Arya swallows a lump in her throat. Of course Father thought of that.

“Have you ever been to the Riverlands?” Arya asks, choking back the emotion in her voice.

Gendry chuckles in response.

“I’ve never been out of King’s Landing.”

“Well it’s much nicer. I haven’t been many places there, but they’re all better than King’s Landing.” Arya assures him “Most places don’t stink like this.”

Inch by inch, the eleventh hour ticks by.

“Would you like to dance?” Arya asks at one point. Gendry quirks an eyebrow.

“This is a very rare offer, so I suggest you take me up on it.”

Gendry stands slowly, taking his hands in hers.

“I don’t really know how,” he admits.

Arya giggles.

“Don’t worry, neither do I.”

No one else on the dancefloor is paying any attention to them, the wine having flowed too freely. Arya hadn’t even finished her mead, but the butterflies in her stomach still take flight when Gendry places one hand on her shoulder and one on her waist like she shows him. As time keeps ticking, the butterflies turn to a body-wide sense of warmth. She rests her chin on his shoulder, and wonders if this was what all of Sansa’s breathless, giggly stories were trying to tell.

Their pleasant reverie is interrupted, by a sudden clamor and yelling. The two of them turn to find that King Robert, red-faced and full of rage. Cersei is standing, as red-faced as the king and shouting. Arya and Gendry are clear on the far side, and can’t hear what’s being said, but even from the distance, Arya would swear she sees the Queen’s lips stained silver.

Arya turns to Gendry, looks him up and down, and says,

“Let’s get out of here.”

She takes his hand and they slip out of the ballroom. The stairs outside that the walk following Ned’s direction twist around the outside, and when there’s a sudden loud noise, Arya can kneel and peer down through one of the balconies.

There’s another noise, more recognizable as a crash, and people start yelling in alarm, and milling about, and there’s someone on the floor, and Gendry tugs Arya’s hand and they leave it behind.

The path they follow comes out behind the stables. When they get there, there are already three horses saddled up, and one of the Stark’s men already in the saddle.

Mheagen holds Barra, who’s sleepy but not quite out, in her arms. She looks a little wane, and Arya suddenly wonders if she’d been eating any of the food left for her daughter and inadvertently consuming the poison. Gendry takes her from her, and lets Mheagen mount the light brown mare before handing her daughter back to her.

It gives Arya an odd feeling, seeing him hold a young child.

The two of them, and the guard, leave first, once they have their packs. Mheagen looks frightened, and Arya wishes deeply for their safety. She hopes Winterfell isn’t too much for them.

Mya is tall, nearly as tall as Sansa, and despite her diminished weight, the joili nut doesn’t seem to have taken much of an effect on her. Her and Gendry catch each other’s gaze, and Arya can’t quite name the emotion going through them.

Mya can mounts her horse easily, but Gendry’s never been on a horse in his life, and Arya has to show him how to step into the stirrup and swing his leg over.

“Let her do most of the work,” she tells him, still gripping his hand.

She doesn’t have time to even attempt a farewell, when they’re interrupted by the thumping of feet. Arya spins rapidly, expected Gold Cloaks. Instead she just sees Ned, holding a bundle, sweaty and frantic.

He shoves the bundle into Arya’s arms.

“Go,” he tells her.

“Father what-”

“It’s not safe,” his voice spills, “The king is dead, the queen too. Poison. Joffrey ordered the city closed off.”

Arya’s head swims, but Ned is already looking from Gendry to Mya.

“Keep her safe,” and they both nod solemnly.

He hugs Arya, whispering.

“You remember Harwin right?”

Arya’s head is still swimming.

“The master of horse from Winterfell-”

Ned runs a hand along the back of her head, unpinning her braids.

“He’s living in the Riverlands now. He’s loyal, you can trust him.”

He looks Arya up and down.

“Can you ride in that gown?”

This is real, Arya suddenly realizes.

“Umm, help me unlace,” she asks, turning her back. Ned pulls her laces on her gown, and laughs softly when she lets it drop to the ground, revealing the deerskin breeches she’d slipped on underneath. Old habits are hard to break.

Ned hands her the gown, folded up, along with the bundle.

“You should be able to sell that, but don’t right away. People might come looking.”

Arya mounts the horse in front of Gendry, clutching the bundles, and one of Ned’s hands.

“What about Sansa and Edric?” She asks, in a very small voice.

Ned sighs.

“I’ll do what I can for them,” he rubs the back of Arya’s hand, above her thumb. “Be safe, Little Wolf.”

Arya has to show Gendry how to kick to get the horse to move. It’s still pitch black as they leave the Red Keep behind, the lights from the celebration still shining in the distance.

Arya’s not even seven-and-ten yet, and she’s not sure where her life is going to go.

[holylulusworld]

Twisted Feelings - Part 1

Summary: Y/N thought she's twisted and her feelings are sick as she loves her older half-brother. When the truth gets revealed she sees her feelings in a different light.

This is not real incest they are not related by blood!

Pairing: Dean x Reader, Sam, Bobby Singer

Warnings: language, angst, incest-ish (not really, just in case), inappropriate feelings?, sad reader, arguments, Dean being a douche, virgin reader, loss of virginity, smut, unprotected sex, fingering, oral (female receiving), fluff, awkward situations

 The fire slowly dies. Dean is ignoring you, as most of the time. Sam is placing one of his large hands on your shoulder. You lost your father today too. Not just Dean and him.

Trying to hold back the tears you take a deep breath. Dean is still ignoring you.

“I’m going to leave,” you whisper.

“You can’t leave. You’re family.” Sam protests.

“No, not for Dean or John. John only dragged me around as those demons killed my mom and stepfather because of him. He never wanted me, he never was my father. The first time we met was the day my mom died.”

“Oh, we thought. He said he knew about you.”

“He knew but he didn’t come…My mom was in love with him but he wasn’t. John never came back after she told him about me…”

“I’m sorry.”

“I had a great life, Sam. A great mom. Her husband Steve treated me like his own daughter. Everything was fine until John decided to show up after 14 years.”

“We didn’t know that.”

“Why should you care? I’m only the bastard for all of you! I never wanted to come with John. My grandma wanted me to come to her house. John forced me.”

“Don’t go. We could try to…” Sam pleas.

“No. Look at Dean. He wants me gone. He’s just waiting for his chance to drop me, Sam. I’m going to leave. It’s better this way. You are brothers. I’m nothing to you or him. Stop pretending I’m a part of this family.”

“You’re right. You’re not part of this family, as you are not John’s daughter.” Dean finally says.

“I don’t understand.” You stammer.

“John lied, just like your mom. Do you know why he insisted to bring you with him?”

 "No, enlighten me, Dean." You snap.

“Your mom fucked John, that’s true, but you’re not his daughter. While he was away your mom had sex with a guy pretending he’s dad. John thought the guy was a shifter, but in the end, it was a normal guy looking like John. Your mom was drunk and that guy took the chance, pretending he's John. Dad found out some weeks after he brought you with him.”

“Why didn’t he let me go then? I could’ve had a normal life. If I wasn’t his I don’t know why he kept me close,” you whisper.

Not answering your question Dean falls silent. All your hopes having at least two brothers died after you heard Dean’s words.

Running toward Bobby’s house you start crying. Everyone knew…except you. Everyone lied.

Seeing the tears Bobby looks at you full of worry.

“What’s wrong kiddo?” He asks.

“Did you know?”

“What?”

“That I’m not his? Did you all know?”

“Shit. John wanted to keep it a secret after what happened to your family. I’m sorry. How did you get to know?”

“Dean,” is all you say.

Running upstairs you start packing your few belongings. Letting the tears fall you’ve got no clue where to go. Your grams died years ago and no one else is left.

“Hey, I’m sorry. I swear I didn’t know,” Sam says.

“It’s okay; I was never a part of this family, only an outsider. I just wish I would’ve known. I could’ve run away years ago when my grams was still alive.”

“You’re still my sister, Y/N.”

“No Sam, I’m not, never was. Go back to Dean and leave me alone. I don’t need your pity,” you grunt.

“Don’t say that,” Sam pleas but you just continue packing your things.

Leaving the room Sam sighs. “Good job Dean! She will leave and that’s your fault. Bobby needs my help to get some parts for the Impala, fix this!” Sam grunts.

Finished packing your things you try to call your boyfriend Jamie to ask if you can stay for a night or two.

"What do you mean I can stay only if I … you know what – fuck you, Jamie! Good thing I listened to Dean and never let you touch me. No, I'm not an uptight virgin! I'm just picky, asshole!" Cursing you hang up the phone.

“Classy boyfriend,” Dean snickers.

“Why do you care?” You snap back.

“Do you intend to let him fuck you to have a place to sleep?”

“No, as I’m not one of your sluts! I rather sleep on the street than letting an asshole touch me!”

“You can stay here until Baby is fixed and then you could tag along,” Dean tries.

“I’m not your sister – remember?”

"I knew it the whole time. Dad told me the day he brought you with him.”

“Great. I was the only one…even Bobby knew. I felt out of place, twisted and sick all those years.”

“Huh? What do you mean with twisted and sick?”

“Doesn’t matter…you hate me. I can’t tell you.”

Moving his thumb along your jawline Dean locks eyes with you. Starting to shiver you want to get away from him.

“Tell me, Y/N.”

“I can’t. You will think I’m weird and sick. I felt … I can’t…”

“Tell me. I won’t judge you, Baby.”

“I…had feelings for you, okay. I thought it’s sick to have feelings for my brother. I never saw you as my brother…it’s sick and twisted.”

“You’re not my sister, Y/N. It’s not sick…I have feelings for you too. I couldn’t tell you. Dad insisted on keeping it a secret.”

“I don’t…I…”

“I always wanted you. The reason I told you to not let Jamie touch you was selfish. I want to be your first. You shall be only mine.”

“That’s crazy.”

“No, you’re not my sister. I made a test years ago. DNA doesn’t lie.”

“You made a test?”

“Dad wasn’t always honest so I made the test to be sure. I didn’t want to be a sick bastard banging his half-sister.”

“I…you thought of this for years?”

“Hmm…always wanted you.”

“But…Sammy…he…”

“He called me sick two years ago. I was watching you undressing and got hard.”

“Oh…”

“Please don’t leave me. We finally have the possibility to be together, Y/N.”

“But what will people say?”

“Bobby knows, no one of our old friends are still alive so…”

“We can’t do this…I mean some hours ago I thought you’re my brother!”

“But still you wanted me. Right?”

“That’s crazy, Dean.”

“I want you and you want me. Nothing is crazy.”

When his lips find yours you moan into his mouth. His lips are demanding, his tongue is controlling yours. He won’t give up control again. You will be his.

A push against your shoulders makes you stumble and fall onto the bed. Dean doesn’t hesitate, hovering over you he kisses down your neck while his hand wanders between your legs.

Your panties are gone in a split-second so he can reach his goal. Slowly stroking your clit he devours your mouth with his tongue. Months ago he was ready to kill Jamie only to make sure you will be his, only his.

John knew about Dean's obsession with you. From the first day, he brought you with him Dean was jealous as soon as someone got your attention. His way to punish you was to ignore you.

“Dean…I…gonna cum.” You whimper when he rubs your swollen bud harshly.

“Come, you are mine. You are allowed to come anytime you want to.” He rasps into your ear.

Obeying your body shakes and your toes curl. His name leaves your lips with a loud moan.

“Good girl.” Dean praises.

Hands on your skirt he slides the fabric down your legs. Still hesitating you slowly strip your shirt off, followed by your bra.

Dean, on the other hand, is already butt-naked. How did he manage to undress so fast?

“Lie on the pillow and spread your legs for me. Going to make you come again.”

“I still don’t know, Dean. This is kinda…crazy.”

“No, it isn’t; you are mine. Nothing is crazy about this or twisted. You’re not my sister. Did you ever feel like you’re my sister?”

“No…never.”

Darting his tongue out he licks a long strip from your entrance to your clit. Sealing his lips around your already oversensitive clit he looks up at you.

This is completely crazy. Some hours ago you thought Dean is your brother. You can’t have sex with him, but yet here you lie and let him eat you out.

Dean can see your doubts. Before you can change your mind he holds your legs open with his hands. His lips are toying with your little nub while his eyes almost devour your body.

Not able to resist the feeling, the feeling of Dean making you feel so good you fall back on the pillow. Your mouth can't stop screaming curses and Dean's name while he starts eating you out like a starving man.

Eyes darkened he sucks harshly at your clit before he pushes two fingers into your tight entrance. A silent gasp escapes your lips when he starts stroking your walls with his fingers.

Chest heaving you close your eyes. There’s no turning back now. Dean will be your first.

“Dean…I…” A loud scream echoes through the room when you reach your second high. Scissoring his fingers Dean opens you up more to prepare you for his cock.

Said cock is already standing hard and proud. Pre-cum is leaking out of it and your eyes widen at the size.

“I won’t hurt you. You’re really wet but I will use some lube too. Don’t worry. We’ll make it fit.” He says and you nod.

Removing his fingers from your pussy he licks them clean and your eyes widen. You never thought a man would do something like that.

Watching Dean lubing his cock with something he grabbed from his bag you bite your lip. Nervous as hell you let him move between your legs. Dean’s eyes are focussed on you when he pushes the tip in.

Your walls start to flutter at the stretch and he needs to hold back a loud groan.

“God, you’re big, Dean,” you whine.

“Shhh…just relax.” Dean rasps before pushing further in. It feels like hours before he finally bottoms out. Balls deep inside of you Dean rests his head against your shoulder to let you adjust to the feeling. The feeling of him inside of you.

He’s not rushing things like with other girls. Dean wants to cherish this moment, this feeling. A soft kiss planted against your shoulder blade is enough to make you gasp.

Another kiss placed behind your ear causes a soft moan. Biting your ear shell Dean slowly start to move. His hips roll against yours. The thick head of his cock brushes over your cervix. Nothing prepared you to this, to the feeling of Dean making you his.

His lips find yours once again. Hands caressing your back while you claw to his back. Your hips move in sync with his. Dean’s thrusts come faster now, and harder.

The noises in Bobby’s guest room become louder and almost obscene. Grunts, groans mixed with your moans and the wet noise of Dean’s dick entering you over and over again.

Your nails bite into his back while he sucks at your nipples. The need gets stronger, the want is unbearable. The coil in your abdomen ready to snap any time. Right before Dean comes you scream his name in pleasure. Pushing him with you over the edge.

His cum is floating your slick channel, just now you realize he didn’t use protection but all you can see, feel is Dean…all is Dean. Smell, skin, lips…you’re drowning into him.

“Mine.” He whispers in your ear and you simply whimper in agreement.

You won’t give this up, you can’t give this up. Never. Even if you still feel a bit twisted, you don’t care anymore.

Dean is finally yours and you are his. To hell with everything else…

Forever Tags

@donnaintx, @screechingartisancashbailiff, @fallen-wolf22 , @curly-haired-disaster, @sister-winchesters99, @mogaruke, @the-is13, @helloitsmeamie203, @strayrosesbloom , @thewinchesterco , @hobby27, @kittycatlover18, @gh0stgurl , @marvelfansworld , @sandlee44, @hawaiianohana15, @unlikelysamwinchesteronahunt​, @katpatrova17​, @notyourtypicalrose , @heyitscam99, @onethingthatkeepsmealive, @natura1phenomenon​, @flamencodiva, @echoesofpassion, @cocklesbelli, @anushay1998

Dean/Jensen Forever Tags

@spnfamily-thewinchesters​, @love-my-not-natural-babies​, @supernatural-bellawinchester​, @butifulsoul125​, @lyinginthegingerlocks​, @mirandaaustin93​, @hawaiianohana15​, @spn-dean-and-sam-winchester, @20gayneen, @x2closebut2farx, @thefaithfulwriter

[bee-kathony]

McTavish & Beauchamp | Ch. 27 “No Turning Back”

a/n: thank you @julesbeauchamp for the beautiful moodboard and sorry everyone that it’s taken me so long for this next chapter but I hope you enjoy! 

Masterlist Here

“May the road rise to meet you, May the wind be always at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face. May the rain fall softly upon your fields until we meet again, And may God hold you in the hollow of his hand.”

Colum mac Campbell MacKenzie was laid to rest on the 29th of April in the year of our Lord 1747. His funeral procession had been large, Highlanders from all over the land had come to pay their respects to the former Chief MacKenzie.

It was bittersweet. But Colum had a painful life, it had never been easy for him and my heart was at peace knowing that he no longer felt pain. The cyanide I had given him and he hadn’t used was tucked safely back in my medical chest, out of prying eyes.

Jamie had said a few words at the funeral, all in Gaelic and I understood a few of them. I was still rather cross with him and we had barely spoken since I had seen him kiss Laoghaire. That was two days ago.

It was rather silly of me to be holding this against him, but my insecurities were helping me hold that grudge. I knew he regretted it — regretted not pulling away sooner or even allowing himself to be that close to her in the first place.

And I was foolish to think that Laoghaire could ever change. She was still the same young girl from a few years ago, desperate to have Jamie all to her own, no matter the consequences or means.

As the large crowd walked back from the Kirk to the castle, Jamie found me — walking beside me, but still just out of reach. I knew he wanted to talk to me, to hold me, to kiss me — because I wanted all of those things too.

All I knew was that we — Brian, Jamie and I, needed to leave Castle Leoch and return home to Lallybroch as soon as possible. This journey had turned into something way beyond what I thought it would be.

Between finding out that Jamie’s father was alive, Colum dying and Laoghaire kissing Jamie, I desperately wanted to just be with my children. To hold them in my arms, kissing their small faces.

I was now nearly four months pregnant, and finally just getting over my morning sickness. I wouldn’t stay mad at Jamie for too much longer, I needed him just as badly as I knew he needed me.

When we arrived back at the castle, instead of following me to our room, I saw Jamie disappear down the corridor and presumably towards the kitchens. Mumbling to myself about what I would do to him, I didn’t hear a knock on the door.

A louder knock followed and I turned to see Brian standing in the doorway, one hand still on the door and the other behind his back. He wore a curious expression, one I had seen many times on Jamie.

“Hello Brian,” I smiled. “Do you need anything? Are you feeling alright?”

“Och, aye, Claire.” Stepping into the room, he looked around, his eyes darting from each corner. “I came to ask how long ye’ll be angry wi’ Jamie…”

I opened my mouth to object, but he put a hand up first, “I ken what happened lass. He’s eatin’ himself up wi’ it. But…” he grinned mischeviously, “I think ’tis been good for the lad to be on yer bad side the last couple o’ days. Keeps him honest.”

“I will forgive him. I already have,” I said and took a seat on the edge of the bed. “I just don’t like seeing him with anyone else.”

“Of course not!” Brian smiled and wrapped his arm around my shoulder as he sat next to me. “When I caught a lad starin’ at my Ellen, I wanted to gouge his eyes out for even darin’ to look at her. I was so jealous lass,” he laughed. “I ken the feeling — that anger ye must have felt.” I shrugged a bit, resting my hand over my stomach. “I may no have been around for nearly a decade, but if Jamie is the same lad I kent as he is today, then he would never do anythin’ to hurt ye, Claire.”

“I know,” I said softly. “It’s Laoghaire that would and has hurt me. We need to leave as soon as possible. What about tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow seems like a good a day as any,” Brian smiled and then kissed my cheek before rising. “Do ye want me to fetch Jamie?”

“Yes please,” I nodded and Brian bowed his head before leaving the room.

That feeling of jealousy hadn’t gone away. It had been eating me alive ever since I saw Jamie kissing Laoghaire. I wanted to slap her silly and make sure she never got close to us again, but she wasn’t worth the sting I would feel on my palm.

I walked over to the window, opening it slightly to let in the fresh air. If we were leaving tomorrow then we would need to pack tonight and make sure our horses were ready. I would leave all of that to Jamie.

My arms were crossed over my chest, holding tightly. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Then I heard his footsteps and stood still, my back facing away from him.

“Sassenach? My Da said ye wanted to see me.”

I could hear the apprehension in his voice. I knew he had been feeling guilty, but that’s exactly what he should be feeling — for kissing her, for letting her get close enough to do it.

“I did.”

He didn’t say anything after that, but I knew he was closer to me now — I could feel the heat of him on my back. If I leaned back, I would hit his solid chest with my head. When his hand touched my left shoulder, I sighed — a breath of relief at his touch.

“I’m still upset.”

“Aye.”

“You shouldn’t have let her get that close.”

“Aye, I shouldna have.”

“Don’t you ever let it happen again, Jamie.”

“I won’t, Sassenach. I promise. I’m so sorry,” his hand moved over my shoulder and down to rest over my heart. “I never want to hurt ye or cause ye heartache. I regret ever sayin’ anything to her.”

“And I regret trusting her,” I sighed, my eyes still closed. “I told you to talk to her.”

“But this isna yer fault, Sassenach. Ye didna ken she hadna changed from her wicked ways. Please…” he slid his hand lower, his fingertips just lightly grazing my breast.

I wanted him — I needed him.

“The next time I tell you to talk to someone, just ignore me,” I laughed and then turned my face to meet his eyes for the first time.

“Aye, I’ll never listen to ye again, mo nighean donn,” Jamie smiled and then finally pressed his lips to mine. He closed the space between us and pressed himself against me, both his arms coming to wrap around my stomach, his chin resting on top of my head. We both were silent, looking out the window, feeling the breeze on our skin.

“I told your father we would leave tomorrow.”

“It’s time to go home,” Jamie agreed.

“Jamie?” I said softly, my hand over his squeezing lightly.

“Aye, Sassenach?”

“Will you make love to me?”

“Always,” Jamie kissed the back of my neck as his hands found the laces of my bodice and started to pull them. He held one full breast in his hand as if weighing it, calculating in his mind. “They’ve grown.”

“Yes, they have,” I smiled and shrugged my shoulders to let the material fall to the ground. He started to turn me around in his arms, but I resisted and instead placed my hands in front of me on the window sill.

“Like that is it?” I could hear the change in his voice, now full of desire, slightly husky. His hands moved to my hips and I felt him untying his breeks. He was hard and his length pressed against my back as he lifted up my shift to my waist.

“Please,” I begged and braced myself. Jamie rested his hand on my hip, the material bunched up and then with his other hand I could hear him — stroking himself behind me. Moving my hips back a bit, he groaned and then finally slid home.

It was always different this way — from behind. But so full.

“Oh God, how I missed ye, Sassenach.”

“I missed you too,” I moaned, my head falling forward. I felt a chill on my breasts as they hardened and then realized that at some point, Jamie had lifted up my shift and it was now on the floor. The linen of his shirt was scratchy but not unwelcome on my skin. His thrust had a certain controlled power in them and I widened my stance.

“I love when yer belly is full of my seed,” he slid one hand around, cupping my stomach. “To ken that it was me who made ye so.”

“Jesus Christ,” I sighed and looked back at him to see him biting his lip.

I pressed down and then cried out when his other hand pinched my sensitive nipples, twisting and pulling until they were swollen. “Harder!”

He didn’t need to be told twice. Jamie kneaded my breasts all while continuing to press deeper and deeper inside of me. All of my senses were overtaken by Jamie. His mouth pressed sloppily at the hairline on my neck. I turned my face to kiss him, tasting a salty perspiration.

“Uh!” The sound of his cock pumping into me was enough to drive me over the edge. The feel of him, the urgency. Jamie took my earlobe into his mouth and I came with a keening cry. With a few final thrusts, he spilled himself and rested his cheek against my back.

Once he had pulled out of me, I turned in his arms, finding his lips and eyes. Cupping his cheek, I kissed him. “I love you.”

“And I love you,” he smiled. “I canna stand it when we dinna talk or share a bed, Sassenach.”

“Me either,” my lips frowned at the corners.

“Let’s try and never fight again shall we?”

“No promises there, my lad,” I laughed. “But I do promise to try.”

His legs bent slightly and then he picked me up, carrying me over to the bed and laid me down. He rid himself of the rest of his clothes and then came to lay down beside me, his hand covering my stomach.

“It will be good to see the bairns,” he smiled. “And to see Jenny’s face when she finds out our Da is alive!”

“I must say, I am slightly more excited about her reaction than seeing the children.”

“She willna believe her eyes,” Jamie said softly letting his fingers move in small circles over my stomach.

“It will be nice to be home,” I stroked his curls, a bit damp from our previous activities.

“Home,” Jamie repeated. “Aye, all the bairns and my Da. Feels like a dream, Sassenach.”

“A good one?”

“Aye,” Jamie slid down on the bed, placing a kiss to my stomach. “The best kind.”

++++++

The next morning we were all packed up and with a few goodbyes to the people at Castle Leoch, Jamie, Brian and I left without looking back.

[crazy-little-cool-cat]

Hand in Glove - Chapter 4 | Ben Hardy x OFC

A/N: Hello everyone! Wow! Thanks for loving my fic?!?! I'm still baffled. I'd like to thank Kate, Julia, Laura and anyone else who had to put up with my endless nagging and requests for proofreads and feedback. The rest of you - y'all better enjoy this one!!! This part has no flashbacks because why live in the past when the present is so fucking awesome right?

Word Count: ~2.5K

Warnings: Chaotic Joe, slight smut (I know, right?), insane fluff, swearing (of course), drinking (obviously).

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3

###

"Then don't."

Annabelle dropped her backpack to the floor in the middle of Ben’s living room and took exactly three steps forward before her body collided with his, their arms wrapping around each other as their lips crashed in a heated kiss.

“Um, I -”

“It’s fine,” his voice was almost a whisper, “I still don’t have any condoms.”

Lifting her chin with the palm of his hand, he hungrily kissed Annabelle and felt her stand up on the tips of her toes as she tried to deepen the kiss even more. Ben started to stumble backwards, leading them back into the bedroom, grabbing the hem of her deep purple sweater and pulling it up. They broke the kiss so Ben could pull her sweater over her head and chuck it aside and quickly rid himself of his own jumper.

“Oh, shit,” Annabelle giggled when she took in Ben’s black wife-beater and her black tank top, “we match.”

“You know what they say,” Ben’s breath was warm against her ear as he reached for the hem of her top, “great minds think alike.”

Annabelle wrapped her arms around his neck and practically jumped into his waiting arms, laughing as he dropped her on the bed and plopped down over her, catching himself on his arms right before he crushed her under him.

“You are so fucking amazing,” he purred as he nuzzled his way down her neck, leaving soft kisses on the mounds of her breasts, “how are you so fucking amazing?”

“I, uh,” her fingers were grasping at his short, blond locks, right as his hand rubbed her clothed crotch, making her gasp, “hm?”

“Tell me when to stop?” his green eyes bore into her own.

###

“You’re awfully quiet this morning,” Ben flicked his blinkers up, one hand chasing the other on the steering wheel as he took a turn around a street corner, “penny for your thoughts?”

“I just can’t get over how good this feels,” Annabelle sighed and smiled when Ben put his hand on her thigh and gave it a gentle squeeze, “and you really didn’t have to drive me to work.”

“I wanted to,” he shrugged.

“Ben, my car is still parked outside your building,” she interlaced her fingers with his, “it makes no sense.”

“It makes perfect sense,” he glanced at her and then back at the road, “Jamie will drive you and Clara to the pub to meet us, and then you’re coming home with me.”

“Am I?” she chuckled, “very bold of you to assume I’d agree.”

“After last night?” he winked at her, making her blush, “I have a feeling you’ll come back for more,” he giggled, poking his tongue out, “we still have some unfinished business to take care of.”

“Always so cocky…” Annabelle mumbled and bit her bottom lip.

“You bring out the best in me,” he shrugged and smirked, “what can I say?”

“Sometimes you can just shut up and look pretty, you know,” Annabelle said as she gazed out of the passenger’s side window, earning a tighter squeeze on her thigh from Ben, “ow!”

###

“Okay, okay,” Rami placed his drink on the table at the pub and looked at Annabelle as she squirmed to fight off Gwil’s pokes at her ribs, “Annie, you’re the last one left - marry, fuck, kill. Go.”

The table went mildly silent as Annie gulped the drink she had in her mouth and bit the inside of her cheek as she pondered the question.

“Kill Jamie,” she said and Gwil threw his fists in the air mouthing yes, clearly pleased she didn’t pick him by default for being her cousin, “marry Ben,” she continued, “fuck Joe.”

“Oh, yeah?” Joe flashed a sly smile from his place right across the table from her.

“What?!” Ben’s head snapped to the side to look at Annie, almost spilling his drink.

“Interesting!” Rami leaned back, shooting a confused look at Annie and Ben who sat next to each other.

“Fuck Joe?” Ben slammed his glass on the table, “are you joking?”

“Are we all going to ignore the fact that she’ll kill me in a heartbeat?” Jamie’s eyes were wide, “Me? Her one true love? Her royal husband? Why? Why, Annie?”

“So, wait, are we talking a hump and dump situation or a reoccurring event here?” Joe leaned forward.

“Anyone wants another drink?” Gwil pointed randomly with both hands at Lucy, Clara, Jamie and Rami, “no?”

“Yes, please!” Ben seethed, “what do you mean, you really want to fuck Joe?”

“Ben,” Annie cupped his cheek in her hand, “it’s just a stupid game.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?!” both Ben and Joe said at the same time.

“It means nothing!” she looked from Ben to Joe, “it’s a game!”

“So you don’t want to fuck me?” Joe pouted.

“Does it really matter?” Annie laughed nervously.

“Oh, oh wow,” Rami looked at the three as the realization hit him like a ton of bricks, “Annie wants to fuck Joe!”

“Well, can you blame her?!” Joe smirked.

“It was a game!”

“I need a bloody smoke,” Ben’s knee was bouncing up and down under the table as he chewed on his fingernails before he got up abruptly, patting his pockets.

“Me too, actually,” Jamie said and got up, following Ben outside.

###

“Fuck!” Jamie growled at his lighter that wouldn’t do its’ one job, “Ben, got a light?”

“Yeah,” Ben exhaled a cloud of smoke and fished his lighter out of his pocket and threw it to Jamie, who caught it with one hand, lit his cigarette and threw it back to Ben.

They stood in awkward silence for a couple of minutes, Ben rubbing his thumb just above his eyebrows with the hand that held the cigarette between his fingers, looking down at the sidewalk outside of the pub.

“You alright?” Jamie broke the silence, kicking at a rock.

“Yeah, yeah,” Ben shook his head as if to shake a thought out of his mind, “I’m fine.”

“Yeah, you’re fuming,” Jamie chuckled, “Annie’s choices got you riled up?”

“I’m not going to talk about this with you,” Ben said as he looked the other way from where Jamie was standing, “but thanks anyway.”

“What the fuck, man?” Jamie asked, and Ben looked at him and shrugged, “what’s your problem?”

“My problem?”

“You clearly have one,” Jamie nodded, “what is it?”

“Nothing, I’m sure you’re great,” Ben shrugged.

“Bullocks,” Jamie rolled his eyes, “you’re bothered because I dated her?”

“I really don’t care.”

“So, yeah,” Jamie took a long drag, “I’m not after her anymore, mate.”

“Good for you.”

“I’m serious. I love her, she’s one of my closest friends,” Jamie flicked the butt of his cigarette to get rid of some access ash, “but that’s that. We were horrible as a couple, we made each other miserable.”

“Sorry to hear that,” Ben replied monotonously.

“You make her happy,” Jamie shrugged, his words catching Ben’s attention, “and it shows.”

“Which is why she’s keen on fucking Joe?” Ben scoffed, “right.”

“What is the matter with you?” Jamie’s voice climbed in pitch, “seriously! It was a stupid game!”

“You don’t get it.”

“What? That she has great chemistry with your mate?” Jamie laughed, “yeah, I do. She has great chemistry with men. Deal with it.”

“I don’t care about the chemistry she has with men,” Ben sighed, “but there’s clearly something there. I’m not blind.”

“No, you’re not blind,” Jamie nodded slowly, pursing his lips, “but you are stupid.”

“Fuck off.”

“If she wanted Joe, she would have had him by now.”

“I know.”

“Did she?”

“No.”

“Then get the fuck over yourself and tell her exactly what you fucking want your relationship with her to be,” Jamie said, “there’s nothing Annabelle loves more than blurred lines.”

“What are you on about?”

“Ben, listen to me,” Jamie put both of his hands on Ben’s shoulders, “Annabelle loves blurred lines. It’s her comfort zone,” he huffed at Ben’s confused face, “it keeps her from getting hurt and lets her fuck around with anyone without hurting them because there were never any rules to the game.”

“Still not following you,” Ben furrowed his brows, “but okay?”

“She’s petrified of relationships for a damn good reason,” Jamie continued, “she might tell you what it is someday. But you’re different,” he poked a finger at Ben’s chest. “She might be a bitch, but the bitch cares about you more than any one of us would like to admit.”

“Well -”

“Shut up and listen,” Jamie cut him off, “you want her, yeah?” Ben nodded silently, “then you’d better tame that fucking beast, and you’d better do it fast.”

###

Ben and Jamie returned to the pub, unharmed, laughing at a shared joke between them. The entire group of friends fell silent at the drastic change in dynamics between the two.“What, you’re friends now?” Annabelle scoffed.

“Oh, Annie,” Jamie’s tone was teasing, “are you jealous?”

“I don’t like this,” Annie said with furrowed brows, looking at Gwilym as if he had any control over anything, “make it stop.”

“They’re big boys, Banana,” Gwil shrugged, “if they want to be friends now, they can be friends now.”

Ben and Joe sat on either side of Annabelle, causing everyone to take careful glances at the explosive trio. While Annie and Joe were deep in conversation, Ben kept using his body language to send one clear message across. Whether he leaned closer to her, put a hand on her thigh, wrapped an arm around the back of her seat or mindlessly twirled a lock of her hair around his finger, everyone seemed to pick up on the message quite easily.

Annabelle, however, wasn’t happy with this new change in dynamics and was adamant to get a rise out of Ben. Turning her back slightly to him, she focused most of her attention on Joe.

“I’d have you know,” Joe was starting to slur his words, “I’m a terrific dancer!”

“It’s true, actually,” Gwil nodded.

“He does have some sick moves,” Rami confirmed, making Joe bow his head in appreciation for the compliment.

“I won’t believe it till I see it,” Annie shrugged.

“You want me to show you?” Joe started to get up but was quickly pulled to sit back down by Jamie, “what, the girl needs proof!”

“Read the room, man!” Jamie laughed.

“The queen of England asked me to dance!”

“She’s not the queen just yet,” Jamie patted Joe’s head, “you’re good.”

“But -”

“No, Joe!” the entire group said in unison, causing Joe to pout like a petulant child.

“I promise,” Annie squeezed Joe’s shoulder to get his attention focused on her, “we will dance. I promise.”

###

“Ben, Ben,” Annie panted as his lips travelled down her jawline. His hands worked their way up her sides, pressing her body against the wall outside of his flat. “Can we take this inside now?”

“But I’m having so much fun,” Ben whined, a smug smirk on his face before her took her bottom lip between his teeth, nipping it gently.

“What’s gotten into you?” Annabelle’s eyes shot from his lips to his eyes, her breath catching a little when she saw hunger flash in them, “what did Jamie say to you out there?”

“Well, that did it,” Ben huffed and released her body, turning the key in the lock.

“Seriously,” Annie prodded on as they entered the flat, trying not to fall face-first to the floor as Frankie ran circles around their feet, “what did you two talk about? You were literally fuming and then you come back and -”

“Why are you so worried about what Jamie and I talked about?” he crouched down to hook Frankie’s leash to her collar and reached around Annie’s body to give her bum a light squeeze, “we’ll be back in a minute.”

With that, Ben and Frankie went out the door and off for a late-night walk, so Ben and Annie could sleep in. Annie crossed her arms and huffed at the closed door before she took off her red Converse low-tops. Muttering profanities to herself, she went to the kitchen to get a drink when her phone vibrated.

‘Is Ben giving you shit for wanting to fuck me, still?’ Joe was never one to beat around the bush.

'I honestly have no idea.' Annie replied, ‘did he say something to you?’

‘No.’

‘Did Jamie tell you all what he and Ben talked about?’

‘We didn’t ask.’

‘Seriously, Joe! The one night I need you to be a relentless gossip! You had one job!’

When no reply came, Annie placed her phone on the kitchen counter and turned to lean back on it, crossing a leg in front of the other. She sipped her water slowly and straightened up a little when she heard the front door open and close and the scratching of Frankie’s feet on the floor.

“I don’t like this new friendship you and Jamie have.” Annie announced when Ben walked into the kitchen and took the glass of water she placed on the counter for him.

“We’re not friends.”

“Then what the fuck happened tonight? One minute you hate his guts,” Annie’s voice rose in pitch, “the next you’re having a smoke together and no one comes back with a black eye?”

“He’s not all bad,” Ben shrugged, “and if anyone would have gotten a black eye tonight, it would have been Joe.”

“You’d never hit Joe.”

“Mentally, I would.”

“That makes no sense at all,” Annie chuckled.

“Neither do you,” Ben took her glass from her hand and placed it in the sink, “we’re good like that.”

“That, we are,” Annabelle murmured and smiled up at Ben as he trapped her against the counter, his arms on either side of her, “yes?”

“Hello.”

“Hi,” Annie giggled and leaned back when Ben leaned down to kiss her.

“Really?” Ben sighed and grabbed Annie’s cheeks with one hand, forcing her to face him and pressed a kiss to her lips.

###

“Please -”

“I have condoms,” Ben seemed to read Annabelle’s mind, “I told you, we had unfinished business to handle.”

“Oh, thank God,” Annabelle breathed, her chest heaving up and down as Ben’s lips covered every inch of her torso with wet kisses and gentle bites, “can you…?”

“Not yet,” his big, warm hands kneaded her breasts, “your tits are so big,” he murmured against her skin, “how can someone so small have such big tits?”

“Genetics?” Annabelle squeaked as Ben rolled her nipples between his thumbs and index fingers.

Ben sat back on his heels and parted Annabelle’s legs, a wide smile creeping up when he saw she had a wet spot on her lilac panties. Biting his lip, he reached down and placed his palm flat on top of it, rubbing her gently. The friction from the fabric and his hand made Annabelle buck into his palm, a deep flush rising on her cheeks.

“You’d better go get those condoms now, Ben.”

###

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