#everyone else: SCARY ASSASSIN BOY

[starry-bi-sky]

The duality of one Danyal Al Ghul — oop sorry I mean Phantom

[pretty-little-mind33]

Tangerine x fem!reader

Summary: You try and take Tangerine to the movies to cheer him up.

Prompt: "Watch where you're going! You almost took my eye out with that thing!" - "I've never heard a bigger lie."

~ for you my lovely @j23r23! love you and thank you for always supporting my writing! ~

TANGERINE MASTERLIST

BLURB MASTERLIST

When Tangerine is in a bad mood, he usually manages to turn everyone else in a bad mood.

This evening, he's being particularly moody as he mopes around your shared apartment, feeling crushed that he and Lemon lost one of their big jobs to some rival assassin.

You're curled up on the couch, scrolling through your phone as he paces in front of you, muttering curses and insults at his rival. Lemon is in his room, listening to some music. He seemed fine with not doing the job, but his brother is very obviously spiraling from not having something to do this evening.

"Tan," you say, pulling Tangerine's attention to you, and then you smile a genuinely happy smile. "Wanna go see a movie with me?" you ask, to cheer him up. 

Tangerine looks at you like you're insane. "No," he deadpans. 

You narrow your eyes at him, only slightly hurt. "No? Then what? You're gonna complain uselessly the entire evening like a loser?" you laugh lightheartedly.

Tangerine's cheeks turn bright red. "Fuckin' pardon me?"

You stand and smile kindly at him again, rushing up the stairs to your room to change and call to him, "Be ready to leave in ten minutes or I'm taking Lemon instead."

Your threat clearly works because soon, you're standing in the line for popcorn. Tangerine is holding the tickets for the movie in his hand and he intends on paying for your popcorn too—even though he doesn't outwardly look happy about it. 

While you ramble on and on about what kind of candy you think he would want considering he'd turned down popcorn, a teenage couple, dressed in costumes for some new superhero movie, almost bumps into him and the boy's prop almost smacks Tangerine in the eye.

He groans and then grabs the boy's arm just as he almost hits you. 

"Oi, watch where yer goin'! Ya almost took m'eye out with that thing!" Tangerine exclaims.

You frown, sensing the couple's fear as they stumble away. You hold Tangerine's forearm, calming him down. "Alright there, barky," you tease with a smaller smile, "I don't think they meant to almost hit you."

Almost hit you, Tangerine wants to correct you because he didn't give a shit if that thing had hit him.

He eyes lose any hint of violence, however, when he hears your voice but then his eyebrow shoots up in question. 

"Barky?"

You laugh, not meaning it badly. You never do. "Yeah. You're like a guard dog sometimes. Although, you're always all bark and never any bite." 

Not with you, he thinks again but he doesn't say it aloud as he just huffs and walks closer to the counter to order your snacks.

Tangerine finds the movie incredibly irritating and he almost walks out multiple times. The only thing keeping him with you is you. The way you laugh along to the corny jokes, the way you squeeze his hand sometimes when something a little scary happens during the action, and the way you'll look so captivated by the romance scenes.

As the movie continues, Tangerine's attention has turned to you. He's barely watching the screen now as he finds you much prettier than anyone on the screen. 

Once the movie is finished and you're walking back to his car (because yes, he'd also driven you here), he comments, "If I'd known that tosser was in it, I wouldn' hav' gone," Tangerine snarls.

"Who?" you ask curiously, looping your arm in his as you keep him close. Tangerine looks at you and he sees how you're shivering. Without a word, he drapes his jacket over your shoulders and continues the conversation as if nothing happened, his arm still wrapped around your shoulder like a teenage boy who'd just made a move.

You smile and pull his jacket closer around you. It smells like him. 

"That Ryder prick," Tangerine says, "He's so fuckin' unbearable."

You pause and feel warmth in your cheeks as Tangerine continues and adds, "I know you think he's hot and all—"

"I never said that— I don't think he's hot!" you snap immediately, defending yourself.

Tangerine laughs and rolls his eyes. "I 'av never heard a bigger lie," he says and pokes your cheek, grinning wolfishly, "you were practically drooling all over yourself."

Your heart skips and you look at him, retorting, "and how would you know? Why were you looking at me during the movie, Tan?"

He knows you've caught him and he pauses, finally laughing. "Okay, fuckin' touché, darlin'." Tangerine shrugs and only pulls you closer to him.

"You're way more interesting than some stupid movie anyway, can ya blame me?"

Tangerine is relaxing, his tense demeanor from earlier in the evening has vanished and you smile. This is what you wanted. You feel successful in cheering him up and making him forget about his damned work for a while. You like his company and you smile up at him. 

"Okay, rate the movie out of ten," you say, grinning.

"Three, because I had to watch that arsehole think he can act," Tangerine says and just as you open your mouth to protest, his lips hit your temple and you tense, a familiar warmth spreading inside your chest. "But then ten because I got to spend some time with my favorite girl."

tags: @tansgirlfriend, @brokeaesthetic, @earth-elemental18, @lqrlei, @princesssunderworld, @longlivedelusion

[serialadoptersbracket]

Round 2, Match 59: Fukuzawa Yukichi vs. Optimus Prime

Submitted kids:

Fukuzawa Yukichi: The entire detective agency (in order of acquisition— Ranpo, Yosano, Kunikida, Dazai, the Tanizaki siblings, Kenji, Atsushi, Kyoka)

Optimus Prime: Bumblebee, then depending on continuity, Cliffjumper, Smokescreen, Arcee, Sideswipe, Sunstreaker, the Aerialbots, Sari Sumdac, Jack Darby, Miko Nakadai, Raf Esquivel, and possibly others

Propaganda under the cut!

Fukuzawa Yukichi:

1. “At about 32 he used to be an bodyguard for hire who only works alone then he met this 14 year old (Ranpo) who had no parents and was kicked out of the police academy. He ended up feeding him (I think Ranpo was homeless at this point not 100% sure tho. He is also a genius estimated iq as high as 200) and said he would help him free of charge (bodyguard) if he called. He ended up getting called and investigated something with him. Ranpo saw the world very plainly and cried to Fukuzawa about how scary it is. Fukuzawa helped Ranpo realize that not everyone is pretending not to know things they literally don't know what he does (big issue with Ranpo partly what he was crying about too i think. They have an entire episode (i think it's the first one in the 4th season) devoted to their backstory together which is black, white, and gray when it's from Ranpo's perspective until Fukuzawa helps him realize this and it turns colored. Fukuzawa ends up deciding he wants to create a detective agency (working with others!) with Ranpo not yet tho we still have one more kid first. Later when Fukuzawa's doing a bodyguard job he along with Ranpo end up rescuing a girl (Yosano!) from the man he was guarding (future mafia boss currently a doctor). Yosano ends up becoming a doctor for the detective agency when it's created. After it's created he ends up taking in another 14 year old (Kenji).

He also loves cats and has shoujo anime-esque cherry blossom flashbacks with his old childhood friend who asked him if he wanted to go to fight in war with him, Fukuzawa denied his request. They also have a like 15 min soft-lighting conversation while watching their memories of their childhood together in the latest ep.”

2. “This man literally created a whole detective agency for this one really smart boy (Ranpo) and taught him that he wasn't the one in the wrong but everyone else when he couldn't understand people. Then, he saves Yosano from the trauma this other guy was inflicting on her and brings her to the Agency. The Agency basically becomes the place where all his kids are. His special ability lets those in the Agency control their abilities so Atsushi and Kyouka don't have to be afraid of their out of control abilities anymore. He cares so much for all of them and during the Cannibalism arc when his life is literally on the line, they do everything in their power to save him.”

3. “My guy just CANNOT stop adopting kids. He went from lone wolf assassin to Dad of Many. His first (adopted) child, Ranpo, basically forced him to adopt him (he was like “I’m a teenager with no family or home. You GOTTA adopt me. Because I say so.”) From there he kept accidentally adopting every orphan he came across. Honestly the detective agency is more like a glorified orphanage except they let their kids carry guns.”

4. “A former Goverment assassin who stopped once he realized he was starting to enjoy killing people, Fukuzawa is looking for a job when he bumps into Ranpo, a genius capable of figuring out any mystery, who can’t understand how the world works. Taking Ranpo under his wing Fukuzawa tries a white lie that Ranpo has a special ability and manages to let Ranpo interact with the world without fear for the first time in years since he can know understand the problem wasn’t everyone acting like they couldn’t figure out things but that no one was as smart as him. They found the Armed Detective Agency specifically to use Ranpo’s abilities to help people and to have jobs.

He then saves Yosano from Mori, his ex something who after using her special ability to heal any injury as long as the person is about to die during the War, wanted to use it take control of their local mafia. Instead Fukuzawa and Ranpo rescue her and let her recover from her trauma and come into herself.

He then goes on to provide a place for Kunikida to fulfill his ideals, Dazai a place to do good after his own past in the mafia, Kenji a place to help people, Tanizaki and Naomi (siblings that don’t seem to have any guardians) work to support them, and Atsushi a place to work on his own trauma by protecting people. Fukuzawa later let’s Kyouka, another defection from the mafia, stay and work at the agency so she can help people and not have to kill them anymore. The entire Armed Detective Agency live in dorms that Fukuzawa provided. He also is very protective, putting everything on the line to help members of the Agency escape any danger he knows of. Like when Atsushi is kidnapped he bribes Ranpo to find him and sends Kunikida to rescue him. He sees any danger to the agency and its members as something for him to stop.”

Optimus Prime:

“#VOTE OPTIMUS HE'S THE DAD OF ALL TIME AND HAS ISSUES”

[symphonic-scream]

I'm still gonna do proper au posts for all my AU's eventually but I'm in a certain mood and I follow that dopamine like a starving street dog

So. Here's every Makoto from every Arcana Swap I have.

It will be a long post, but I'm putting the bulk of the content under the cut, I know I clog tags sometimes and I apologize

Anyways. Feel free to talk to me about each of these, ask about the swaps as a whole, and offer suggestions! I enjoy interaction a lot

So. Every Makoto. Under the cut

0 - Fool Makoto (Learning to be Young) {P4}

This Makoto was raised strictly by an aunt after the death of her parents, and has since been kicked out of her home. So, she's reuniting with her older sister, who was kicked out for the same reason many years before. Makoto, during her time in Inaba, experiences what being a teenager is all about. She's only got that final year, but even mysterious murders won't keep her from truly living

Ft no rizz Makoto showing up and having every girl just. Fall for her. Epitome of autism swag meme thing. Has a polyquad in it

0 - Fool Makoto (Doomed Toxic Yuri Swap)

After being arrested for something she didn't do, Makoto is sent to live with her older sister in Tokyo while on parole. She intends to keep her head down so she can get into a good school still, but she can't douse the flames of righteous rage in her heart when she encounters injustice. That anger of hers is what landed her in Tokyo, and it'll be the spark that begins a rebellion in those around her

This one has Justice Haru. And they're in a doomed toxic Yuri. For those who need more than fluff in their lives

3 - Empress Makoto (ACAB swap)

Daughter of the police commissioner, Makoto has her whole future pre-determined for her. Her father has been changing, and won't listen to her about not wanting to follow in his footsteps. She wants to be a mechanic, but... If only she had a way to return home to the man she once knew...

In her confidant, she'd be dealing with grief, but also, reuniting with Devil Sae, and trying to fix her future, get out of the school her father set her up for, and into the courses she wants herself

4 - Emperor Makoto (Gender Thieves)

Second palace is Kobayakawa in this. Makoto is his perfect attack dog, kept under his thumb by promise of scholarships and recommendations. The others make Makoto see that she's being strung along, and she breaks free. And, mega rebels. Rebels so hard they throw out their gender. They/he Makoto. Grunge Makoto

Ft trans boy Haru, and MakoHaru are together from the start in this. A soft prep boyfriend who's scary with a bat and his grunge gruff partner who's scared of the dark

6 - Lovers Makoto (Morg Swap)

She graduated early, finished teachers college, and is doing her one year placement at a middle school. The principal is using blackmail to keep her complicit and silent, making her forget the reason she was so passionate about teaching in the first place

Ft Fool Morgana! It also has a Hermit Haru and Magician Joker, this one I'm real proud of

7 - Chariot Makoto (Chaos Swap)

A classic. In an attempt to stand up against Kamoshida and his abuse, Makoto got beat up, and framed for using physical force to get better grades. An outcast and feared by her peers, this is a punk Makoto all the way. If given the chance, she'd risk it all to save the other students, even after all they've done to her.

This one was my first one it's my favourite. It's also mostly silly goofy so

8 - Justice Makoto (Blood Moon Swap)

The darkest of these. Young, Makoto's mother dies. Her father, never in her life before, appears and informs her it was her fault, and demands she make up for it, following his orders, his little psychic assassin. She's filled with anger; at herself, her actions, her father, at those she's told to dispose of. She shakes with rage, a need to tear down everything around her, make everyone else feel how shitty her life was. Her public appearances as a junior detective are firm, and serious. Proper.

Plot includes the discovery that the Fool, Goro, and Makoto were twins. Separated after the death of their mother. A "what if", since in Makoto's arc they were sort of parallels almost?

9 - Hermit Makoto (Polygirls Swap)

This Makoto watched her parents die. A Good cop, an EMT, trying to help someone, when suddenly they, changed, and walked off of a bridge. She's believed it had something to do with her for a long time, but after she's saved from her own distorted heart, she comes to the conclusion that the "Black Mask" had them killed for planning to report a superior for taking bribes from Shido

This is the Fool Ann and Emperor Haru au where the three are gay and together and gay.

12 - Hanged Man Makoto (Age Swap Au)

Makoto, a former soldier, runs a seedy shop in Shibuya to afford her younger sister Sae's hockey fees. She's still carrying the mental and physical scars from her time in service, but will do anything for her younger sister, even if it means letting the cops do whatever to her so she won't get arrested again

This is adult confidant Thieves, so the main cast of this au are the adults, like Sojiro and Sae and Iwai. The Niijima sisters get along a bit better here

19 - Sun Makoto (Yaoi Swap) {I hate that name}

This. This is just an au where literally they're all guys and theys. Whether it's trans guys, NB, CIS, or demi, they're. All guys. So this is a guy Makoto, captain of the debate team at Shujin, who offers the fool speech lessons in exchange for understanding people better. Makoto wants people to stop being scared of him, and wants to stop fearing people at the same time

Ft Yaoi MakoHaru. It's. Man idk this is a crack au

- Faith Makoto (Uh. I don't have a name for this one)

Trans guy Makoto. Parents died the night he came out, complete accident. So, he's been living as a girl and denying it happened ever since. Only, Makoto is his chosen name. Whoever the Councilor is in this au will mess up and use his dead name and. Big moment

Most of my Makoto's aren't like. Goody. This one is. He'd totally want to be a lawyer. Sweater vest and ties. He's a little gentleman, though he does Aikido, and is gym buddies with Ryuji. Layers

--

ANYWAYS. WHICH IS YOUR FAVOURITE MAKOTO?

[darkcrowprincess]

What are your favorite romantic tropes?

Enemies to lovers.

Friends enemies to lovers

Person falling for the villian.

Childhood friends but with dark twist to it.

Amnesia

Kidnapping

Beauty and the beast situations

Monster fucker/lover

Knights and princess

Fake dating(but extra smutty only. None of that to all the boys I love before shit)

Dubious consent

Arraged marriage.

Period drama level tension. Just from subtle touches like hand holding or finger tips touching. Or putting someones shoe on or hand kissing.

Just hand holding for me is so romantic, at times even more romantic than kissing

Bookworms or share love of books

kissing behind bookshelves. Or between books

Romance happening while stakes are high or dangerous situation.

I know this is really bad and kind of dark. But dying together or killing yourself together is really romantic to me. I know I know. But I am a fan of romeo and juliet for a reason.

Happy endings with a romantic kiss, or epilogue to show their happy together.

Though I love angst and tragic endings too and my favorite romantic trope with that is someone dying in someone's arms. And the other person being completely broken about it and can't go one.

When to characters bond over trauma.

When characters bond over issues.

Dancing together is my favorite. Whether its soft and cute or hot and dirty.

secret relationships.

Forbidden love.

Masquerade balls and kisses

One of the pair going evil and it breaks the others heart. But they still love them.

Mind control au

One of them snapping and going evil if they lost the other.

Them turning evil together but they're still sweet together.

Villians getting happy endings

fake out make outs.

Hiding in a corner to hide from bad guys and ending up making out or having sex do to almost getting caught.

Low key, not super flashy dates. That are super thoughhtful and intimate.

Teacher and student romance/ Sensei/Master and Student romance

Sword fighting, or physical fighting as a form of foreplay or just them flirting and being comfortable with each other.

Everyone else finds them scary, but to them they are hot, badass, and inspiring.

Fuck or die

Prince and princess

Assassin and target fall in love

Running away together.

Tropes I hate if you want to know

Boss and assistant romance

coffees shop aus

Couples who spend too much time arguing but thats seen as liking each other.

The abusive girlfriend trope in anime(its not cute when a guy does it. So it shouldn't be cute when a girl does it)

Unrequited love.

Virgin and purity shit.

Guys who are assholes(not bad boys. Bad boys when done right are good. Not legit asshole emo guys. Those are completely different)

Love triangles(especially when the guy they end up with is the one thats horrible)

Someone whos been waiting here for you to finally notice them. And gets jealous when you don't(usually the nice guy, or the best frined whos a girl). And its super obvious to everyone that they like you.the person is just too oblivious.

[maketakunai]

Twisty wonder glorious masks event

thoughts thus far (up to part 4) and just a little speculation for part 5

Thoughts:

-that escalated fast

-the pacing on this one has been pretty good... they didn’t waste my time with a lot of random sightseeing/omiyage talk as in kelkarot and... there were a bunch of battles in part 4 but they didn’t make us fight ramshackle ghost reskins every single episode of every part for no reason like in scary monsters. thank u yanasensei

-i’m not really yume but malleus definitely has Something going on with kantokusei and this event has given me a lot of chances to make my little isekai kid (ryouka, she/her, baffled that she has been so unquestioningly accepted into this otherwise all-boys school even though she is not trying to present herself as a boy) flirt with him so i’m grateful www when rollo dropped us into the underground and malleus yelled her name.... i love this for him.

-additionally, when malleus was about to blow the whole cité des fleurs or w/e up bc he was so angry about the “invitation” being fake and kantokusei’s reaction was just “TSUNOTAROU. BE COOL.” otp

-i felt so bad for malleus after he realized the invitation wasn’t real that after i got his event ssr (in just 53 pulls, bless) i invited him to my guest room right away w and then his line was like “i am so, so grateful to you for this invitation ;~;” the poor baby.... as soon as i get my omekashi jamil to 110 maybe i’ll invite you next...

-malleus and the gargoyle.... he’s so cute. how can maleficent’s great-grandson or whatever he is be so pure. i love him.

-based on his vargas camp 2 look i thought crewel sensei was a shoo-in for this masquerade event. and trein’s been great in this event so i’m not too disappointed he’s not here but i do hope we get a follow-up with him and lucius www

-when idia was like “FF外から失礼します”. pls

-i love riddlechan but he really only has one pattern... go too hard too early on, be the first one taken out, have to be saved by the guy that got paired up with him... (ghost marriage, main story ch 1, main story ch 6...) the game is pretty consistent in-story about 3rd years > 2nd years > 1st years which objectively makes sense but please let riddlechan be cool for once. he became the dorm leader in just a week which is better than anyone except malleus (implied)! please just let him cause massive amounts of property damage and survive the experience without relying on anybody else! ...maybe when he gets a proper event to himself, since scary monsters and tsumutsumu were both group affairs 🙄 (don’t talk to me about tsumutsumu)

-as jamil oshi i was initially disappointed that he and ruggie dropped out of the main party 2nd after riddlechan+epel BUT what they did with them made up for it wwwww everyone else is like “we will make a stand here and destroy as many flowers as we can to help our friends uwu”. meanwhile these two kids are running around NBC spreading flowers and dragging down as many other people as they can. top marks in villainy.

-maybe it’s bc it’s a pretty chill group (his sr even has a homescreen line like “so glad neither [kalim] nor [floyd] were chosen for this trip... finally i can live my best life”) but jami has been SO SPICY this event... hasn’t missed a single chance to take the piss out of azul.... love that for him.

-but also the contrast in the setup chapter of jamil “kalim your shampoo is here and your blankets are here. do you understand me. i will tell you again. this is where all the things you will need for the next 2.5 days are. do you understand me. whatever you do do not get yourself assassinated while i am gone Do You Understand Me” viper vs. azul “sure, go ahead and wreck the place while i’m gone, what do i care, i won the lottery for this great networking opportunity and you didn’t so SUCK IT EELS” ashengrotto.

-my two best boys are jami and riddle so i was hoping they would have a chance to hang out... and when we split into teams that one time they were all in malleus’s group... they didn’t talk much except for lovingly teasing bekky together but they were on the same screen a lot... thank u for these crumbs ig but they’re 2nd year overblot virgo buddies and they both get So many interactions with azul so why not with each other.... why’d you give union birthday riddlechan a SECOND azul duo when omekashi jami is still waiting for a riddle who wants to duo with him.... please....

-one joke that never gets old is nobody outside of diasomnia knowing that lilia is silver’s dad. i hope that kantokusei and maybe ignihyde (idia: how can you be my gamer buddy muscle crimson and also this kid’s dad i’m cryin) figure it out when main story ch 7 comes out but i would so happy if nobody else ever ever ever learned the truth.

-also very funny: rsa (chenya, neige, etc) sacrificing themselves to save us and everyone going “ok... that’s on them... none of my business if these evil flowers suck out all their magic, bye ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯”

-not event-related but actually if twisted wonderland is a place where all these disney villains explicitly won in their stories and are revered for it, how come the heroes still always win every time? they beat us in the dance competition, in the plushy iditarod, etc, and the conversation between rsa’s headmaster and crowley implied that Yes, This Happens Every Time. we know kantokusei’s seeing the “real” versions of all these disney movies in dreams and that something’s going on there. but how do we reconcile “everyone loves these villain guys who created the lands we are living in today” with “villains always lose”........ chapter 7 早う....

Speculation:

-kantokusei’s definitely going to roll up at the end leading an army of goats to eat up all the nasty flowers, right. right.

-rollo overblot??? i feel like most of the overblots in the main story have got to be the calculated result of some evil mastermind’s secret plot or something... some guy trying to farm those evil magic rocks our stupid cat keeps eating.... but this guy might have gone off the deep end all on his own which would be very funny. and i want to see his ob design.....

-so annoying that the ssr 3 read rollo’s diary and learned his tragic backstory but didn’t tell us about it onscreen bc they’re saving it for part 5 zzzzz but the way that esp. idia reacted (or that azul reacted to idia reading it) makes me think some magic went wrong and killed/hurt/disfigured his brother (or somebody, quasimoto equivalent?) and that’s why he wants to destroy all magic...

-how in the world are azul and idia going to stop malleus from straight-up murdering this dude lol

-what are they going to do for masks part 2 next year wwww a lot more rambunctious bunch is going to the masquerade.... and who will be the ssrs.... leona? treypai? kalim? i’d be grateful if lilia and cater appeared only as r cards uwu with diasomnia dorm ssrs coming out soon who knows how many gems i’ll have at this time next year...

btw if anyone wants to add me it’s player id CkN5E8V7 on jp (currently event malleus support [magic 5/5 sry], will change to omekashi jamil lvl 105+ after the event probably)

or id BzR8YBZk on en, level 90 dorm riddlechan support (magic 7/8 SORRY I’M SO LAZY) altho i might change to level 95 dorm jamil after i level his magic some more... once i raise his buddy levels since he finally just came home from that scarabia bait banner...

[annikuh]

bruh my partner said he was worried about me because I’m obsessed with cl*ne h*gh and topher because “obsessions are unhealthy” and he’s acting like this is so bizarre for me & i almost laughed in his face. i was like bruh do you KNOW me???? im literally John UnhealthyObsession.

[[strange vent below, I just need to overshare here bc I have far too much to talk abt in therapy tomorrow and not enough time for all of it & this is so stupid that i literally refuse to waste time on it. this a no-judgement zone, if u judge me, ur ableist and I’m dispatching assassins to ur home]]

man’s talking abt “unhealthy obsession” meanwhile:

i got so obsessed with charles manson & squeaky fromme that they became my entire personality. i dyed my hair red for like four years bc of squeaky. i got a tattoo for squeaky. ive read a disturbing amount of books about both of them. I own handwritten letters from both of them. i can think of two separate occasions when I almost ruined a holiday and started swinging on a family member bc they were talking inaccurate shit about these two.

same goes for the several other similar figures I’m obsessed with. I have an entire WALL of memorabilia from/of them, costing truly hundreds of dollars (this is cool to me but apparently highly disturbing to everyone else). I have a copy of Jeffrey Dahmer’s fucking psych reports. I have a fucking piece of fabric used to make the shrouds the heavens gate cult members put over themselves. I’ve written 10+ page papers about some of these mfs. I turn into a feral animal when any of them are brought up, ready with too much knowledge and a desire to fact-check and rant and soapbox. I literally became so obsessed with all of these people i got a degree about it.

when i was 17 i became so obsessed with this one boy that i would sit at my desk for hours writing about him, just straight up filling pages and pages of a journal about him over and over again (this was actually TRUE mental illness i literally reread the pages later on and cried bc it was so sad and scary how out of my mind I was LOL😬). i bought a similar jacket to one he had so i could pretend it was his (this is actually my iconic army jacket; reclaimed). i literally did nothing but think and talk about him for probably at least a year and a half (& I STILL freak a little on the odd occasion that i see him, just on reflex).

I AM LITERALLY SO OBSESSED WITH MY PARTNER TOO HELLO? I talk about him so much and post so many pictures of him that he doesn’t even have to introduce himself to people bc they already know him from me. I live my entire life based around him in ways far too numerous to list and he knows it.

& there is SO much more. so it’s just a little bit funny that he’s worried that i like CH and topher too much bc i talk and think about it all the time; & bc i like to wear the gay little red hat from my topher costume (bc it’s “unhealthy to cosplay as a character all the time” meanwhile im constantly walking around with the riddler symbol on my army jacket and my clear glasses and he doesn’t see anything wrong with it; girl that’s almost full cosplay). compared to some of the aforementioned things above, im living quite the normal life.

like boy clearly you do not understand the depths of my obsession. i have been crazy for many years. your concerns about this issue here are exaggerated and misplaced. all of what im doing now is 100x healthier than anything else i have done or could be doing, especially given the strange mental state I’ve been in. he needs to thank his lucky stars, imo.

“unhealthy” sir this is highly abnormal at worst, let me cook‼️

[ao3feed-brucewayne]

That Makes Two of Us

read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/eP3JZu4 by ChubbyPanda15 The earliest memory Tim had was of his mother’s face, peering down at him with soft blue eyes, backlit by the harsh fluorescent lights of the Drake labs. Tim’s mother was never soft. It made him think his earliest memory might only be a dream, something he came up with on cold, lonely nights to make himself feel better.   When Tim was older, his mother explained placebo effects while Tim went through a chemistry lesson on his tablet. Could a memory be a placebo? Can a child manifest something to make them feel warm, when their environment was nothing but cool steel?   In the end, it didn’t matter. Dreams and memories were both relative to the person remembering them, and as long as it made Tim feel better, like there might be one singular person that liked him, was proud of him…   If androids can dream of electric sheep, then clone boys can dream of having a loving mother. --------- Tim is a Batman clone, Bruce Wayne figures out how to be more than Batman, Dick Grayson redefines family, and Jason Todd is going to take care of this little creepy, stupid child no matter how scary the assassins trying to get him are. Words: 6648, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English Fandoms: Batman - All Media Types Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: Gen Characters: Tim Drake, Bruce Wayne, Jason Todd, Dick Grayson, Justice League (DCU), League of Assassins Members (DCU), Ra's al Ghul, Janet Drake, Alfred Pennyworth Relationships: Tim Drake & Bruce Wayne, Tim Drake & Jason Todd, Tim Drake & Dick Grayson Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Baby Tim Drake, Baby Jason Todd, Bruce Wayne is Bad at Feelings, Good Parent Bruce Wayne, Bruce Wayne Tries to Be a Good Parent, Bad Parents Jack and Janet Drake, (even though janet does love him in her own way), Tim Drake Needs a Hug, Tim Drake is a Menace, Jason Todd Tries to Be a Good Sibling, Dick Grayson Tries to Be a Good Sibling, Cloning Shenanigans, Alternate Universe, dick grayson is in a disney channel original movie and everyone else is in an HBO original, Batfamily (DCU) read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/eP3JZu4

[maryholdenofthevalley]

My impression (or fandom impression I saw) of each TCF character.

Cale:

- scamming smile

- gentle af to children

- can destroy you with his words alone

- FIRE OF DESTRUCTION

- always bleeding but doesn't mind

- completely oblivious about others' concern for him

- ‘I just want a slacker life but lemme destroy this whole island and be a hero of two continents real quick’

- always think people around him are vicious but he is the scary one

- can be my daddy and my baby at the same time

Choi Han:

- innocent smile

- chill but is a biggest Cale simp

- loyal dog

- will bite you if you touch Cale dog

- can be gentle but also can be feral

- can't act for god's sake

- failed to cook one time and never allowed to come near the kitchen again

Alberu:

- sunshine smile that can kill me and make me blind

- everyone's sun

- everyone goes nut at his chocolate form

- always working

- always tired

- his tiring point tripled whenever he meet Cale

- powerful hyung and daddy

- when will he become kings its been twenty years

Raon:

- cute cute cute cute cute cute

- GREAT AND MIGHTY

- our mascot

- is the youngest

- always win when it comes to 'whos the best boy'

- wait he is stronger than Eruhaben now?

- :pikachuface:

- evolved from tsundere to the best loving child ever

- proud to be Cale's best child

- always bring food with him and give them to his family when they are hurt

- chubby

On:

- judges everyone else in the room

- the only one who can understand Cale's bullshit but let him be to the road of destruction

- probably see him as a stupid big brother than a dad

- best sister ever she always protect Hong

- cares for everyone in her own way but she loves to look down on them more despite being 12

- literally planned to make a 23yo her subordinate

- don't mess with her

Hong:

- is there for the food

- can poison you with your food

- claim to be Raon's big bro but always follow his childish thought progress

- he and Raon are inseparate duo

- I'm impressed he didn't go around saying he is Cale's younger brother/son and no one would doubt him

Rosalyn:

- ambitious and talent

- everyone's big sister

- everyone expect her to chill but she is not

- literally abandoned her throne to be a freelancer

- follow Cale's thought progress well, doting on and being doting on by him a lot

- (unofficially) Cale's twin

- Cale might think they are just business partner but little does he know he was her little bro a long time ago

- cute friendship with Choi Han and probably Lock?

Lock:

- big baby

- very little screen time despite being one of the original main trio

- character development being overshadowed by others' epic battles

- justice for the baby pls

- on the other hand him being unimportant is also a good sign because most people on spotlight suffered with angsty arcs

- knows that facts himself

Ron:

- first gramps base on timeline

- lemonade and lemon tea

- low-key doting on his children

- widower but a lot of people want him to remarried with themselves

- hot in assassin mode

- always be our best butler even after he had his own family business

- use metaphor so much, everyone knows you are creepy already so stop

Beacrox:

- creepier than his dad

- looks like he is still mourning his mom

- he is

- really he doesn't need to cosplay in Halloween at all

- talented enough to have his own kitchen in the Henituse's estate

- THE MANHWA RIPPED US OFF WITH HIS SMILE WHEN HE WAS SHARPENING BLADES 😭😭😭

- always described as the cruelest torturer but never got to see it in detail

- has OCD about cleanliness but it's fine

- that two layer gloves put on is hilarious though

- unexpectedly the best babysitter

- his little interaction with Choi Han is very cute

Eruhaben:

- first gramps in ranking

- is the oldest but doesn't look like it

- tsundere

- low-key doting on everyone but everyone knows

- no one really remember he is also a sword master

- since he refer to beat them up with fists more

- dark teenager phase

- GORGEOUS

- 'why am i here just to suffer' vibe

- picked Cale up by his collar like a cat

- ultimate cheat code beside Raon

[bnhabadass]

Pairing: Bakugou x reader Genre: Smut, 18+, Mafia AU Trope: Woke up married Dialogue Prompt: “Aren’t we supposed to be working?”  Warnings: overdosing on cold medicine, mixing cold medicine with alcohol, dub-con, mentions of sex while unconscious, vomiting Word Count: 4,480

This is my contribution to this month’s bnharem collab. I was so happy when I spun the roulette wheel and it landed on my favorite au, the mafia au. I hope you all enjoy and make sure to check out everyone else’s contributions here. Also a big thanks to @doinmybesthere​ for being my beta reader and putting so much work into creating the master list for this collab.

“A fever? Are you fucking kidding me?”

You winced at the voice coming out of your phone. You were curled up in bed, a heavy futon draped over your achey, chilled body. “I’m really sorry,” you croaked into the receiver. “I can’t get out of bed; there’s no way I’ll be able to come into work today.”

“You know how important tonight’s meeting is.”

You could feel the fire in the eyes of your underboss as he spat at you about how important tonight’s festivities were. You couldn’t care less. You hated the guy, but more importantly you hated your father for getting you in this mess.

A debt needed to be paid and your family couldn’t afford to take out a second mortgage on the house. So your father, as smart as he thought he was, went to the nicest restaurant on the far side of town where the boss of one of the most dangerous mobs in the city stationed his office.

A debt for a debt. That’s what he told you as he came home smiling with a big check in his wallet. No one in your family knew where he got the money, but he seemed confident enough that he’d be able to pay it back.

A month went by and one day, three scary men knocked on your apartment door. They said they were there to “collect”.

You were terrified. You thought they were there to rob you, to take the money you had been saving in a rainy-day fund. But no, they came to collect you. Now, it’s been four months and you’re still stuck doing odd jobs for them--grocery and coffee runs as well as spending reports and other money related things you are less than qualified to do.

You hate your job. You hate having to put up with the unorthodox hours and the unsavory jobs and the complaints about your work ethic and the having to do it over again because you didn’t do it right the first time. You want out. If you weren’t positive that if you left they would be able to hunt you down, you would have fled the country by now.

But your father’s debt still hasn’t been paid.

“Look,” you pleaded. “I can come in tomorrow and work double my usual time. Please, Kirishima-san, I just need the day to rest.”

“Not a chance. You’re coming in today and that’s final. If you don’t, well, then maybe we need to take an extra payment from your parents.”

Before you could even process what he just said, he hung up the phone.

Another payment from your parents. You couldn’t possibly let them take any more from your family. With a new threat looming over your head, you mustered up enough strength to push off of your futon and get dressed for the clients’ dinner.

By the time it was 7:00 in the evening, you had taken a large swig of cold medicine and were ready to spend the night serving these criminals.

Outside of the restaurant, two bodyguards were stationed at the front door and one at the back entrance. All three of them were dressed in black from head to toe. You, on the other hand, were tasked with serving your boss’s clients, so your outfit differed from theirs.

You were dressed in attire suited for waiting tables. Black slacks stretch across your legs and your pristine shirt was smoothed against your body. A tight black vest clung to your chest and pressed against your boobs, squishing them together. If it weren’t for the fever, chills, and headache, you would look like you belonged with this crowd of criminals.

You flashed your ID to the guard at the back door and he nodded you in. Your eyes had to adjust to the fluorescent kitchen lighting, but once they did you saw how busy everyone was. It truly was one of the most important nights for your boss, so you understood why you were needed. Still, this night would truly take the most out of you.

“Oi, (L/n),” one of your boss’s associates called for you. “Take these to table four. I’ve been covering your ass for the last twenty minutes.”

“Of course, Kaminari-san.” You bowed your head and skirted over to the table where two well-dressed men spoke with one another in a hushed tone. You placed their meals in front of them and bowed your head.

“Wait,” one of them called as you began to walk away. “I asked for a Jasmine tea. This is Sencha.”

“Yeah,” the other one piped up. “And I asked for a Sencha tea and this is Jasmine.”

You wanted to scream. You wanted to yell into the abyss and slap those men across the face. But of course all you did was bow in apology and take the cups back. Kirishima’s words to you over the phone rang loud and clear in your mind.

“Anything they need, you get it for them. These are important people the boss works with and we can’t have idiots like you messing this up for us.”

The men smirked at you and as you turned around to grab their “correct orders,” the man who ordered the Jasmine tea leaned over to leave a hard, painful smack across your ass.

You froze but didn’t say anything and walked away.

It was still early in the night but you had run yourself thin. You needed to sit down or to at least take a sip of water, but there was no room for breaks as you bounced from table to table getting the people what they wanted. You had even left the venue a couple times to retrieve items like the proper creamer one client required in their coffee.

Your throat was so sore and dry and it was aching for a break. Your entire body was aching for a break. But as you saw someone sitting at one of the tables raise her hand to wave you over, you had to put all of your aches aside to tend to her needs.

“Good evening, ma’am.” You bowed your head. “How may I assist you?”

A small smile was on her dark red painted lips. She seemed to be searching for something as she eyed you up and down. “Do you happen to know when Bakugou-san will be joining us?”

Bakugou-san… Were you supposed to know who that is? You had never heard the name before, although you knew your boss had many ties throughout the district. It could be one of them.

“I’m not sure,” you answered honestly. “I could ask my supervisors if they happen to know.”

She waited a moment. She seemed to be searching for something in your expression. “That’s all right. You may go back to work now.”

You bowed and thanked her.

Bakugou-san.

The name did sound familiar, but you’re not sure where you could have heard it. It wasn’t until you were deep in thought, trying to recall where you had heard the name, that you could feel something pushing up against your throat. Oh god. Your stomach was churning.

You ran to the bathroom, pushing someone out of the way to get there. You’d probably hear an earful from Kirishima for pushing a guest, but you needed to find a toilet before--

Oh no.

You barely made it into the stall before emptying the contents of your stomach onto the white tiles of the bathroom floor. Your legs collapsed from under you and you kneeled in your vomit as you coughed up your stomach lining into the porcelain bowl.

Tears fell from your eyes as you struggled to breathe while hacking everything you had into the toilet. The black eyeliner you threw on before leaving the house had smudged into raccoon eyes around your lashes.

You rested your cheek against the toilet, ignoring all of the germs that were most likely crawling up your skin and into your pores. The toilet seat felt cool against your burning cheek and watering eyes. You thought you could die happily here, kneeling on the bathroom tiles in a pile of your slowly cooling vomit.

“Aren’t we supposed to be working here?”

Your eyes shot open, and in trying to stand up you slipped. Your ass landed in the smeared vomit. You winced and let out a drawn out, “fuuuck.”

It took you a moment before opening your eyes again and looking up at the man in front of you. And boy did your eyes widen. He was clearly a guest at the clients’ dinner. His blonde hair was slicked back and the bulge of his muscles under his crisp black button down didn’t go unnoticed by you. His sleeves were rolled up, revealing his forearms and as he crossed his arms over his chest, his sleeves began to tighten.

“Who the hell are you and why are you puking on the floor?”

It took you a second to find your voice. “I’m, um...” you trailed off. “(L/n), sir.” You cleared your throat. “I am a worker for the person hosting this dinner.” You tried to stand up and bow, but he put a hand up to stop you.

“You work for them.” It was a statement not a question, but you nodded anyway. “Why? What do you owe?”

You’re not sure why he was asking, but his intimidating glare compelled you to answer his every question. “My dad owes them money,” you admitted. “And he wasn’t able to pay them back.”

“Who do you mean by them?”

You weren’t sure how to answer. You didn’t even know what these people did. For all you knew they were drug mules or assassins. You never wanted to know what they did when you were roped in. After all, the less you knew meant you could have more of a normal life. “The boss,” you finally answered. Who the boss was, you weren’t sure. You answered to Kirishima but he didn’t have much power aside from ordering around you and every other person unfortunate enough to be roped into working for them.

The man in front of you scoffed. “Get up.”

You scrambled to your feet, ignoring the wave of nausea that hit you. The man led you out of the bathroom, and as you walked behind him, people who passed the two of you stopped and stared. Oh no, it had to be from the vomit stains on your leg and down your shirt. You probably stank to high hell and your eyes wouldn’t stop watering from your fever.

The man stopped and you had to keep from bumping into him. “There’s an extra work shirt in the closet,” he said. “There should also be some slacks in there. Leave your dirty clothes in a pile and I’ll have someone collect them.”

His voice was demanding and it took you a moment to register what he said. It wasn’t until he snapped in your face that you moved.

“We don’t have all day, princess.”

You flinched and nodded before scurrying into the closet and flicking the light on. Inside the closet was the restaurant’s sad excuse for a boiler room. The low humming from the machinery brought you back into the present as you searched for the change of clothes you were promised.

There was a crisp white shirt folded on one of the shelves as well as a few different slacks in varying sizes. The shirt was a size too small, so you had to leave the first couple buttons popped open. Before leaving the closet, you tried to think about who the man was and why he was helping you. Was it possible that he wanted something in return?

When you emerged from the closet, he looked you up and down. You were too tired, however, to notice his lingering glare on your chest and the way the button down squeezed your breasts closer together.

“Thank you,” you mumbled, looking down at your shoes. You’re not sure why you were too scared to look into his vermillion eyes, but the way he called you princess earlier as he snapped at you had definitely made you tremble in your core, and you swore that if you looked up to meet his eyes, your fever would only go higher and higher.

“Why the hell’d you come here if you were sick anyway? Are you trying to poison everyone in the damn building?” His words were like little bullets that shot at every one of your doubts of coming in tonight.

You thought back to why you had come in the first place. You were huddled up in your futon that morning when Kirishima called. You begged to stay home, right? But you couldn’t. You squinted hard as you tried to remember why you weren’t allowed to rest. “I was threatened,” you thought out loud. It wasn’t directed towards the man but he nodded in any case.

“(L/n) was it, right?”

You finally managed to look up at him with bleary eyes. “Yeah, um...” You couldn’t seem to remember what his name was. Wait, he hadn’t told you. He had just led you around and given you new clothes, but he never properly introduced himself.

“Bakugou Katsuki,” he said as if he could read your mind. His lips turned up into a smirk. “But call me Katsuki.”

“Katsuki,” you mumbled. “Bakugou Katsuki.” You had heard that name before, but where. “Bakugou,” you mumbled again as if you were trying to put the pieces of a puzzle together. “Bakugou-san.”

He quirked an eyebrow up at you.

“Oh!” It hit you like a ton of bricks and as soon as you shot up, you had to recoil because of the ache in the back of your neck. “There’s a woman looking for you, Bakugou-san, er, Katuki,” you bowed.

He just chuckled. “There’s a lot of people looking for me tonight. Who was it?”

That’s a good question. You squinted as if you were looking deep into your memories to remember who it was who asked for him. “She was a woman,” you remembered. “With long dark hair and dark red lips.”

Katsuki nodded. “I see the Yaoyorozus are here.”

The Yaoyorozus. You weren’t sure what that could mean but you didn’t feel like questioning it, so you nodded instead.

Katsuki was looking down at you. His arms were crossed over his chest but a smirk that had been playing across his face all night wouldn’t seem to go away. “Feeling better?”

You didn’t feel better. Although you felt cleaner in the new clothes, there was still a throbbing in your head that wasn’t going away and the overhead lights made your eyes water. But the way that Katsuki looked at you like he was expecting you to say yes just drew you in.

He could tell that the way you nodded a yes in response to his question was a lie, and his face fell before pushing a hand up to your forehead, checking your temperature. “Have you taken anything today?”

You had to think back to earlier that day when you brought the bottle of cold medicine up to your lips, not even reading the recommended dose before downing what you could and leaving your home. “Yeah, um, I took some medicine.”

The grin that had been spread across Katsuki’s face returned. “Well I guess we’ll have to get you some more.”

He grabbed your wrist and led you through the halls and over to the bar. You didn’t pay attention to where you were going. The world seemed to be going too fast for you to keep up. What you were able to notice was that everyone’s eyes were on you as you gently swayed back and forth, trying to settle yourself down. As you were in your own head, you couldn’t start to picture what everyone else saw when they looked at you. You with your raccoon eyes due to streaky makeup that you couldn’t stop rubbing.

“Here.” Katsuki shoved a glass in your face. “Not necessarily traditional medicine but it’ll get the job done.”

You looked up at the whiskey glass in his hand. The ‘medicine’ was a deep brown color which swirled around as he handed it to you. Your fingers brushed against his thick ones as you took the glass. You lifted it up to your nose and took a deep breath in, gagging at the smell. “Um, I don’t think I should.” You had been warned about mixing alcohol with drugs and the dangers that came with it, but no one had ever told you not to mix drinks with cold medicine. Still, that couldn’t be right, right?

“Come on, it’s good for you,” he egged you on. “Besides, it’ll get that nasty taste out of your mouth.”

You had never tried whiskey before. You were used to lighter drinks, something bubbly with a shot of vodka or two in it. But this was almost too much. You lifted the glass up to your lips and tilted it back. Your lips stung as they made contact with the drink, but you didn’t want to seem weak to Katsuki. He’d taken care of you so far and seemed pleasant enough, albeit intimidating.

As you tipped it back further and took more of the drink into your mouth, Katsuki pushed his hand against the bottom of the glass so you couldn’t tear it away, making sure you would drink every last drop. It stung going down and the cubes pressing against your lip were colder than you expected. You gagged as a couple loose tears rolled down your face from the drink’s burning sensation. You bet you looked even more of a mess now.

“Good girl,” Katsuki said with a low demeanor. With his thumb, he wiped away a drop of whiskey that rolled down your chin.

“And this’ll make me feel better?” You didn’t think you were supposed to drink when you were sick, but you were far too tired to even think about what was wrong and what was right. If he said that it’d make you feel better, then that had to be a good thing. You’re sure of it.

“Sure will.” He placed a firm, calloused hand on your head and stroked down your hair. You nuzzled into his warmth.

It was such a nice sensation that it almost made you forget that you were supposed to be working. That there were people waiting on you to bring them their food and fetch their creamer, people who were ready to slap your ass and laugh as soon as you turned away.

“I have a,” you started, not really sure where that sentence was going. “I have to go back to work.”

As you began walking away, Katsuki stopped you, pulling you back over so your face was practically pressed up against his chest. “No you don’t. You’re sick, remember?”

Right, as if you hadn’t forgotten. But he was right. You were sick and your medicine hadn’t kicked in yet. You couldn’t risk spreading your germs and getting anyone else sick.

You watched the dinner guests from afar. You leaned in to hear conversations about hitmen and other rivaling mobs around town. Some were about money laundering and clients that needed to be taken out, whatever that meant.

At one point, someone asked to pull Katsuki aside and talk alone, but instead he just pulled you closer.

“The hell do you want, Yoarashi?”

Yoarashi was a big guy, bigger than Katsuki, but it was clear even to you that he was intimidated by the blonde in front of him.

“You owe me for what I let you borrow last month.”

“I don’t owe you shit.”

To you, they sounded like they were underwater and you weren’t sure what they were discussing, but you were curious to learn more.

“Come on, Bakugou. Work with me here.”

“I’m a busy man, Yoarashi. Now get out of my face before I have my men take care of you.”

Something about the raw power and the threatening tone behind Katsuki’s voice made you excited. You wanted to melt into his words, but you weren’t sure why.

“Busy man?” Yoarashi scoffed. “Come on, Bakugou. You’ve barely been seen all night. Where have you been, fucking this little lackey of yours?”

He didn’t mean you, did he? Before you could even comprehend what he just insinuated, Katsuki turned you around and pressed your face up against his chest. You could feel yourself growing even hotter as you were pushed into one of his pectorals. One of his hands cupped the back of your head. Was he protecting you?

“Listen here,” you heard him say. “Don’t contact us ever again unless you want to end up like your first boss did. I can make your life a living hell and I will, got that?”

“Don’t think I don’t have other contacts, all right? You aren’t the only one in this town with resources, Bakugou.”

You felt something jab into the other side of Katsuki’s chest. Did Yoarashi hit him? A few seconds went by before you heard the snapping of fingers and two men came over to drag Yoarashi away.

Katsuki released the hold he had on you, and you watched as the tall man struggled out of his hold. “You aren’t gonna tell anyone what you saw here tonight, right princess?”

You shook your head. You weren’t sure what exactly you felt when you saw that man being dragged away. You were scared, of course; scared for your own life and of the raw power that Katsuki seemed to hold. But on top of fear there was something else. There was a tingle between your thighs that wouldn’t seem to go away, and there was also a sense of excitement. Out of all the people here, this man was paying attention to you. You were far from Mafia material, but he clearly saw something in you and you wanted more of his gaze lingering on you.

Your mind felt hazy with Katsuki and you wanted even more. You didn’t know what to do when you felt him smooth his hand down your back. You didn’t know what to do when his usual smirk turned into something much more dangerous. And you didn’t know what to do when he leaned over and pressed his lips against your own.

His lips felt heavenly as they explored you. They were soft and welcoming despite his cold and dangerous exterior. His tongue probed its way into your mouth. He tasted like whiskey and something else which you assumed was just him. He bit your lip and it felt like he smiled when you let out a moan.

When he released, you felt as if the whole world was spinning with Katsuki. You wobbled around a bit and he chuckled. You tried asking if you could sit down, but the words refused to come out. The last thing you remember is seeing the world go black, the sound of the clients’ dinner fading out of earshot, and two strong arms carrying you away from reality.

You were in pain by the time you woke up. Your body, especially your head, ached tremendously and you wished the sun would stop shining so bright through your window. But wait, the window in your bedroom at your apartment faced another building. The sun never shined too bright in the morning when you were at home.

Slowly, you peaked your head out from under the covers and looked around. You weren’t in your bedroom, but you were in a bedroom. The bed you had been asleep in was enormous, but aside from that there was not much else furniture in the room or even any pictures to signify who the room could belong to.

It wasn’t until you sat up that you realized just how exposed you were under the covers. You couldn’t find your clothing anywhere. What were you even wearing last night? Where were you last night?

You remembered being sick and being called into work by Kirishima. You were stressed. You were nauseous. There was a beautiful woman who asked for someone in particular but you were too sick to remember what their name was, right?

And then you raced to the bathroom and met--

A groan from beside you shook you out of your thoughts, and as soon as you saw the person lying in bed next to you, all of your memories came flooding back.

“Morning, baby girl,” Katsuki said.

You didn’t know what to say. Your mouth hung open and you felt lightheaded.

Katsuki was shirtless under the covers and you were too scared to ask if he had anything on covering his lower half. “You put on quite the show last night.”

Last night. Where you met him. What did you do last night? “I...” You didn’t know what to say, and that made Katsuki let out a booming laugh.

“Come on, you remember at least a little of it don’t you?”

You shook your head. Then you shook your head again. You couldn’t stop shaking your head.

Katsuki put a hand on your shoulder and you stopped. He had a shit eating grin spread across his face that you wanted to both punch and kiss at the same time. “First throwing up at my party and then getting blackout drunk in front of all my guests.”

“What?” You could barely remember anything. What did he mean ‘his party’? The clients’ dinner was run by…

Your eyes widened as you realized just who you had found yourself naked in bed with. Who had found you puking on the bathroom floor. Who that stunningly gorgeous woman was asking for earlier.

You clamped a hand over your mouth and Katsuki let out another chuckle. “You really were the life of the party.” He grabbed your wrist and dragged you over to his side of the bed, and you let him. He dragged his hand up and down your exposed body and roughly cupped your sex. “I had a blast toying around with you last night, but now I want you to be able to remember what it feels like when I bury my cock inside of you, sweetheart.”

You hated the way he was grabbing you and the way he forced your legs to open up for him, but what you hated more than any of that was the way his words made your inner thighs ache and how they instinctively parted just for him.

You turned away as he leaned down to smother your chest with rough kisses, and as you looked over to your left hand, you couldn’t help but notice a diamond ring that wasn’t there the night before.

[milfs4lif3]

Heloo!!^^ may i request this!!?:3

I don't really know if you comfortable with this but can i request a fluff headcanons about various! Character, like toman+takemichi, hinata (she still like takemichi but hehehe), emma, senju, haitani, kazu, hanma having a crush on fem!karma/kaneki(u can choose^^)!reader? Like they having a same crush on her?^///^ apologized if this too weird!!;^;

If you write for karma reader, the reader have a same strangth like him but she not meanie like him instead she is so sweet but danger and badass just like karma!!💥 or if you write kaneki reader she same just like kaneki, she have a same strength and kagune but she not cold, she sweet and scary if someone try to hurt her friends!^^

Ohh i'm sorry because i'm not mention this, i don't want to make you confuse^^hehe,,,but i want all of them having crush on the reader at once in the same headcanons!! I'm sorry if this make u feel uncomfortable!!^^; feel free to ignore<33 thank youu and have a nice day/night:3♡♡

Hello!! omg omg omg omg omg THIS. IS. SUCH. A.CUTE.REQUEST. omg i love this so so much. This does not make me feel uncomfortable, love ! This also kinda turned into dating Hc’s, but only for a few parts. And I’m sorry that I didn't write a part for Emma, it’s just that I don't know a lot about her, so it would be harder to write for her. I also didn’t write something for Hinata because It just seemed a bit hard.I tried to get all of the characters that I feel most comfortable writing for in here. I'm sorry that I didn't get to your ask sooner, I had testing all week, and then I had to do more work so I didn't have any time to go onto Tumblr. :( but i love this!! Also, I didn’t write for Senji because Senji was honestly too hard to write for. Ran will also be kind of out of character. Also, the reader will be friends with everyone in Toman for the Toman part, and the reader will be friends with everyone in valhalla for the valhalla part, does that make sense? I’ll make a separate post for your Kaneki request. Here are the songs I listened to while making this (it's my friend’s playlist tehehe) <3 music

WHEN THEY ALL LIKE YOU AT THE SAME TIME.

Tokyo Revengers x fem!reader

KARMA WITH A S/O THAT IS AS STRONG AS HIM

Assassination Classroom x fem!reader

Characters: Tokyo Revengers: Takemichi, Draken, Mikey, Mitsuya, Chifuyu, Smiley, Angry, Baji, Kazutora, Hanma, Ran. Assassination Classroom: Karma Akabane

Toman:

☼ Draken would get super jealous if he sees any of the other boys hitting on you

☼ Draken will also hold your hand in big crowds

☼ Draken will get so so flustered if someone asks him if he likes you

☼ Baji uses the trashiest pick up lines 😭

☼ Baji uses them because 1. he used all of his other pick up lines that were good. 2. he had seen a post online of pick up lines to use on girls, and that they would fall for him immediately. They don't work on ANYONE.

☼  Even though you and Baji aren’t dating, he still acts like he’s your boyfriend.

☼ Baji’s also always staring at your ass and boobs..

☼ Mikey would feed you food IN FRONT ALL OF THE OTHER GUYS.

☼ Mikey purposely puts frosting on your cheek to give him an excuse to wipe it off (like he uses his thumb, and he’s just staring into your eyes while whipping it off of you fdhdh).

☼  Mikey will teach you how to ride his motorcycle, and even if you get something wrong while learning,, he still worships you and it’s so cute, honestly.

☼ Chifuyu doesnt wanna make the others mad at him, but he does. (by accident)

☼ Chifuyu does all of this sweet stuff and says all of these sweet words that make you      so flustered.

☼ Chifuyu takes you to the most fun places (and the boys are all there, too)

☼ Smiley will DRAG you away from all of the boys just to get some alone time with you lmao. ☼ Smiley will treat you like you’re a little child, he’s always so so sweet to you, and it’s pretty obvious that he likes you.

☼ Smiley also is obsessed with you, but it’s not a bad obsession

☼ Angry just admires you from afar, looking at how beautiful you look.

☼  Whenever you approach Angry and talk to him, he’s just standing there and is red af.

☼ He has a journal and it’s filled with things that he loves about you. Smiley once found it and showed all of the boys and Angry just wanted to die, then and there. (the boys were pissed fhsiejk)

☼ Mitsuya buys you whatever you want.

☼ Mitsuya had told Draken and Mikey that he likes you and Draken and Mikey were just like, “Wait. I do, too…” so they now know that they like you.

☼ As long as Mitsuya gets to see you smile, his job is done.

☼ Mitsuya is actually a HUGE simp for you.  (well all of the boys are lol)

☼ Takemichi would be confused as to why all the other boys liked you.

☼ Takemichi thought that he wouldn’t fall for you because like, he has Hinata.

☼ Lmao

☼ Takemichi started falling for you.

☼ Takemichi is all like, “shit, is it obvious that I also like y/n??”

☼ omg it’s so obvious lmao.

☼ once all the boys realized that he liked you.

☼ well 1. They were all like, “Don’t you have a girlfriend?” 2. They laughed at him and would say that you’re WAY out of his league, and that it’s screwed up that he likes you WHILE dating you.

☼ Takemichi is always stuttering around you and just nervous.

☼ He’s just kinda awkward around you lol.

☼ and he’s rlly scared to hit on you bc of the boys

Valhalla:

☼ Out of all of the boys

☼  Hanma is the biggest simp for you

☼  Hanma worships the ground you walk on.

☼  He has you as his lock screen and home screen

☼  He really doesn’t trust any of the guys in Valhalla with you.

☼  Besides Kazutora.

☼  Everytime Hanma sees you, he just wants to kiss you.

☼ Hanma wants to confess to you but he doesn’t have the guts to

☼ Everytime he sees Kazutora flirting with you, he’s pissed

☼  But he still trusts Kazutora with you lol

☼ Kazutora knows that Hanma likes you

☼ And Kazutora doesn’t really like that

☼ Kazutora wants you as his

☼ Kazutora will convince you to hang out with him, even when you are busy.

☼ Kazutora sometimes tries to keep Hanma away from you.

☼ Kazutora, along with Hanma, will do anything for you.

☼ Ran always has an arm around your shoulder.

☼ Ran knows that many people like you and he does not enjoy that.

☼ Like Baji, even if you and him aren’t dating Ran still acts like he’s your boyfriend.

☼ Ran had told Rindo that you were his girlfriend, and Rindo actually didn’t believe him

☼ So Rindo asked you if Ran was your boyfriend.

☼ And when you told him that Ran wasn’t your boyfriend, Rindo asked if you would wanna date Ran lol.

☼ Ran will hold your hand at random times, with that lazy smile of his.

☼ Ran holds your hand because he wants to make it seem like you both are together.

KARMA WITH A GIRLFRIEND THAT IS AS STRONG AS HIM

☼ Karma never expected you to be as strong as him.

☼ You just seemed like a very sweet person, that cared about everyone.

☼ You Karma, and some more of class 3-E were in danger with some really tough guys.

☼ Karma had told you and the others to just stay behind him.

☼ But you couldn’t just stand there and do nothing.

☼ So you decided that you would fight with him.

☼ Karma heard a loud thump and turned is head to see one of the guys on the ground, knocked out cold.

☼ You had just punched the guy and he went out.

☼ Karma’s jaw almost hit the floor.

☼ You had then told him to snap out of it.

☼ And you guys both fought the guys

☼ Karma, and everyone else were in shock.

☼ They all were praising you.

☼ Karma brags about how you can knock people out really fast, and that you are as strong as him.

☼ Karma begs you to teach him some of your techniques.

☼ Karma just thinks that it’s amazing that you are so strong.

Omg this took longer than expected! The word count for this is 1,421 lol. I love this request so so much. And I’m sorry that I didn’t do some of the characters that you requested, I’m also sorry for not putting in Kaneki. I’ll probably do that in a different post. I really hope that you enjoyed this!<3 It was super fun to make.  Make sure to send me some more requests! Requests will be open for a while. Thank you for reading!!<3

[avenger09]

The Dragon Prince: Heroes and Masterminds Epilogue

Callum and Rayla had held each other for over a minute having, after a day of uncertainty following thier first kiss, realized that what had grown between them was somthing far beyond feelings of friendship.

Right now the prince and former assassin were locked their fouth, most pleasent, kiss. The previous two having been exchanged in haste after Callum's starstruck, heartfelt admission of his utter admiration for her. As it drew to a close the two youths -once unlikely friends, now an unlikely couple- continued to hold the other, as they realize they have much to talk about.

Callum: Sorry about before. I should have let the moment be, instead I was an idiot and I, I made you feel rejected.

Rayla: Callum. Its okay. We were both idiots. I should have told you how I felt about you earlier. It would have saved us both time... and embaressment.

Callum: It really would have. I just didn't want you to think I was only saying that stuff for a kiss. I meant every word.

Rayla: I know. I've gotten to know you pretty well, I know your not to sort who'd do something like that. Besides, no matter how it went, all that matters now is, we're together now... Right?

Callum: Right... ...This is, this really happening isn't it?

Rayla: Yeah, it is. Its a bit scary isn't it?

Callum: It is, but good scary. Amazing scary... We should, we should talk about this right?

Rayla: Probebly. We'd better sit first.

Callum: Yes, yes, absoluetly we should.

Moving to the back of the Ambler's saddle they settle against the railing that encircled them. Careful not to wake the sleeping dragon prince and their exhausted mount laying nearby. As they do the implications of their romance begin to dawn on them.

Rayla: Y'know, we're probebly the first elf and human fo kiss in a over a thousand years.

Callum: Right! I mean forgot about the oasis, we're still being idiots now. We're trying to get Zym home to his mom. Stop a war. This is hardly the time for... well, stuff like this, but...

Rayla: It kinda/also is?

Callum: Exaclty. If nothing else it gives us another reason to succeed. So that we can... y'know. Keep on being a thing... I reallly want that, Rayla.

Rayla: I want that too, Callum. So we will succeed. I didn't meet the sweetest boy in Xadia, just to let him slip away now.

Callum: Well, if you put it that way...

He reaches out and takes her hand.

...I promise I won't let you down.

Rayla: (smiling) Good. Because I won't let you down either...

A moments peace passes before Callum speaks again, curious about somthing she had said earlier.

Callum: So... when you said: you should have told me how you felt. That means you figured out you liked me first, before the oasis. It wasn't a sudden realization thing to you like it was for me, well, I guess that's not completely right knew on some level I liked you, I just...

Rayla: Callum.

Callum: Right, sorry. What I'm asking is; Why didn't you tell me sooner?

Rayla looks away, her expression whistful as she recounts the now bittersweet idea she had once envisioned prior to her return home.

Rayla: I was planning to...when we got to the Silvergrove...before...

Callum: Oh... Its fine, you don't have to talk about-

Rayla: No, I want to, its better I get it out... I guess I thought it'd be romantic, we'd show everyone Zym was alive, that there was hope. Then i'd show you around after, we'd share a Moonberry surprise, I'd take you to meet Ethari and then, when it was just us, alone. I'd... tell you how I felt, and ask if you felt the same. I thought you might but, I wanted to be certain. At least I got one thing right.

Callum: Huh. That honestly would've been nice... plus without a doubt In that situation I'd have been the kisser.

Rayla lets a small chuckle escape from her. Her smile infecting Callum in a delightful way as he speaks out in mock offense.

Callum: Hey! I can be spontantious. Though, I cleary need to get carried away a bit first. Still even if it didn't work out that way, like you said, all that matters is we're together now. Your are, and always will be, the most amazing person I've ever met. I was always going to realize that.

Rayla: Then there's nothing to regret. Is there...

Shaking his head in response they smile at one another before gently leaning into each other content. Eventually the fatigue of the day's events catch up to them and they drift off to sleep, their future now looking at bit brighter then they expected it to be when they first set out on their quest.

[godza]

hello elise.... [conspicuously kicking aside everything i've been talking about having to read. eye twitching] can you tell me about this novel you've been talking about lately it sounds really interesting !!

hello!!!!!! before i tell you im threatening you to read sssrh. okay back to our regularly scheduled program

i think you saw the ask i sent wei but thats the bare minimum. its called necromancer survival, and it is about a guy in a similar world to solo leveling/s classes where theres dungeons and gates and some people have powers on a ranked scale. the main character is choi yikyung, (seen both yikyung and lee-kyung) and he picked the necromancer class because he thought it was cool but its actually the weakest and he gets made fun of for it. but he has a cute skeleton sidekick so is it really all that bad. i dont want to spoil the plot, but basically he accidentally gets himself involved in a huge conspiracy, and makes deals with vengeful ghosts who are still bitter about the conspiracy as they should be. its also bl which isnt too prominent yet im more intrigued in the plot. lots of shenanigans where only one person can see someone and nobody else can. ghost rundown:

seo dawon: a former guild ceo. hes the first one to make the deal with yikying and sets the plot into motion since he wants to get revenge and wants yikyung to revive his comrades. the love interest. the classic seme whos hiding a lot. manipulative bastard i love it.

jung garam: teenager who was a skilled assassin. second to get revived. doesnt bat an eye at murder and is devoted to seo dawon. bit of a genius and funny

kim ollim: girlboss. butch queen (in my heart) really strict and religious. everyone respects her because why wouldnt they. i love her

theres other characters like one guy that seo dawon set up to basically be his and yikyungs servant boy and one guy whos weirdly obsessed with yukyung bc you always have to have one of those apparently

also. the artstyle of the comic is fantastic. i will eat it. it reminds me of a twitter artist i know which is scary but whatever seo dawon always looks great

[lovee-infected]

I love your characters analyses and I agree a lot with them!My favorite is Kalim and while he's an angel, the way most people go "Dumb innocent baby who is naive to the way of the the world uwu" kinda irks me haha. Yes, he's an airhead most of the time but he's much more perceptive than he looks (he knew about Jamil nature all along) and can use his head and put in hard work when he thinks it matters, aka helping and making other people happy (his dorm uniform and scary outfit story) (part 1)

PREACH ANON, PREACH!!! The truth has been spoken 👏👏👏 That was amazing and you almost said anything that I meant to say! Characters and even real people who have the same personality as Kalim are often mischaracterized/misunderstood, mostly because people don't know that kindness isn't equal to stupidity. Almost anything that was needed to be said is already here so I'd just go through some of the details to complete it:

(1) Kindness ≠ Stupidity

Honestly...this isn't just about twst, it's about real life. These days many who are just sweet, generous and caring toward others even as they know that they're being abused because of their kindness, are called naïve and stupid. Look, many times they do realize that not everyone around them are worthy of their kindness, but they'd continue to treat them nicely, because it's in they're nature to be kind nonetheless, and this purity and genuine kindness is the worthiest thing one can ever ask for.

After chapter 4, Kalim did understand that Jamil had never been the person he was thought he was, he didn't even consider Kalim his friend. Jamil is still rejecting him but Kalim doesn't care, he even thanked Jamil after the fairy gala event for dancing with him, because it reminded him of the times when they played as children. Someone like Kalim would never forget anyone's kindness towards him, no matter what happens or how things change through the time. If you think about it, we all need someone like Kalim in our life.

Accept it, no matter who we are or how different our taste in people might be, we'd still appreciate an ally like Kalim. Someone who'd care for you and your problems no matter what it is, even as he can't help he'd try his best to at least make you feel better. He accepts criticism and won't fight you even if you call him useless and dumb (Just like when Jamil blamed him in the end of chapter 4), yet he'd still try to befriend you and do his best to support you through obstacles. This will to help people whom he cares for regardless of what they think of him or how much it may trouble him is an absolute treasure, just how many people can be like Kalim?

(2) Kalim shouldn't be compared to Jamil all the time!

A really common way of mischaracterizing Kalim is by comparing him to Jamil all the time: "Jamil is quiet, Kalim is talkative" "Jamil is cold, Kalim is warm and friendly" "Jamil is talented, Kalim is not" "Jamil is thoughtful and wise, Kalim is careless and stupid"...

I agree that Kalim and Jamil are different in some ways, but it isn't okay if we're going to compare him to Kalim whenever we're talking about him! Do we mention Jade or Floyd whenever we're talking about Azul? Do we compare Vil to Rook everytime we're talking about him? See, Kalim and Jamil are two separate characters. No matter how different or close they are, it isn't okay to consider them as nothing more than opposites! Both Kalim and Jamil have independent personalities amd we we don't have to mention Jamil whenever we want to talk about Kalim! His existence isn't bound to Jamil's and he's got a lot we can talk about other than his relationship/differences with Jamil.

(3) His generosity tells us a lot

You may wonder, why is he so generous anyway? Giving up on golden peacocks and diamond stones for friends and even strangers without caring about the financial loss isn't such an easy thing to do. Well let's imagine being on Kalim's shoes for a second:

You come from an unbelievably rich family, and ever since you can remember everyone around you has been treating you like a prince because of your father's status and money. Everyone around you is supposed to respect and treat you like a royaland you can buy anything you can ever wish for, you've got no financial boundaries. But on the other hand, you know that almost everything you've got around you is because of money: fame, wealth and many of your friends.

And if you one day lose all the money you'd once got, what is going to happen to you? What should you rely on? Who will ever even care if you're alive or not if the money that held all of your power and clout is gone? Also, even as he's rich, there are still things that he couldn't ever buy with money. He did say that sometimes he just feels so alone several times, then quickly changed the topic into something interesting and bright. Maybe he does want people to know that he as well sometimes goes through the pain and loneliness, but doesn't want it to seem to dramatic therefore he'd just quickly mention it to let it off his chest, then starts to talk about something else.

That's much and less of the reason behind Kalim's personality, he wants to use his money and attitude to gain what he can't buy with money: Friends. That's right, many of his friends might already be around him just for money, right? But it doesn't matter, he's got enough of money to keep them all satisfied. And if satisfying them is all it takes to keep his friends around him, he's all fine with it. He doesn't mind hoe expensive it might be, as long as he'll get to have nice friends he cares for around him he's alright.

THis generosity with money has found his way to his personality and attitude as well. His nature gravitates him into trying his best to help people out with all he's got. Kalim on his own is one that can get to have hid problems solved easily, there's always someone there to do it for him so he never needs to worry about anything. Perhaps he wants others around him to feel the same? If he had someone to take care of him whenever he needed to, then everyone else as well deserve to be helped out through difficulties just like Kalim was.

(4) We should all try and see through him!

Lets take a look at Kalim's background: Growing up with legit LOTS of siblings, he surely didn't get the attention and family love he deserved to have. Have you ever considered why Jamil was always so important to him while he could've been this close to any of his brothers? Well, that might be because none of his family members wasn't ever even close to being that close to him. Jamil isn't his brother, but Kalim does consider him his brother and best friend, which is somehow showing that even his own family haven't done as much as Jamil has done for him. He could've been poisoned or assassinated at any second, how does it feel growing up in an environment where you know many people already want you dead? Also, have you considered just how insecure and skeptical he coul've became because of having such a fearful past? At this point, someone wit his background might not even dare talk to any of other students let alone making friends with them! Almost any of us could've had trust issues if we'd grown up in the same environment as him!

Come to think of it, you'll see that Kalim is also pretty similar to the well-known hero Naruto! Naruto used to be looked down on because of his lack of ability yet he never gave up, he had a stunning will to turn his enemies into friends, he was considering and never gave up on Sasuke no matter how many times he hurt and turned his back on Naruto, and he never gave up on his goal no matter how many times he lost.

Kalim as well still has a lot to learn to improve and become a stronger magician, and he has strated to work his best and try to improve! It might not happen as fast as we may expect, but someday, maybe he as well would be strong enough for Jamil to be considered his rival and friend.

Another interesting fact to point out is their sense of humor, both Narto and Kalim can be careless at the time and sometimes mess up, and they also have a thing for sometimes laughing at their friends' mistakes (Not in an offensive way) all though they're the one to mess up most of the time. Like the times Kalim laughed at how bad Ace and Deuce's performance was, then decided to teach them how to dance with the help of Jamil.

Just would've been improved much faster if his goal was to be a great magician, but the main difference between Kalim and Naruto are thirs goals. Becoming a great ninja was Naruto's biggest goal, while Kalim's greatest goal is to be a good and supportive friend for everyone around him. Keep something in mind about Scarabia: It's true that Jamil, the vice dorm leader is in charge of most of the tasks and managements; but Kalim's presence is just as necessary for the students! Students need someone understand them, listen to their messenge and care to solve their problems like a friend! With Kalim's sympathy and Jamil's management, Scarabia students would have the chance to improve their best for the sake of their dorm and their very own future. (Though there needs to be some changes, Kalim should be a little more serious in general and Jamil needs to be more considering, but if Kalim and Jamil learn to work as a team Scarabia would stand higher than many of other dorms!)

For real, this is a school of villains and Kalim is much of a great exception to be in this school. He's legit the nicest character in the game and even MC had plenty of great memories with him back in the Chapter 4. This precious boy doesn't deserve to be called stupid or naïve while all he's been doing so far was to bring everyone including us the players a wonderful time and sweet memories...we need to understand him much better💔

[grailfinders]

Fate and Phantasms #154

Today on Fate and Phantasms we’re making one of our most requested builds to date and the final Hassan so far, the First Hassan. He’s uh... not exactly subtle, huh? To make this walking engine of death, take 2 parts Samurai Fighter for some sword skills and magic resistance, 1 part Soulknife Rogue for obscene amounts of damage and an unnoticeable blade, and sprinkle some Grave Cleric to taste, just enough for some supernatural abilities and even more damage.

Check out his build breakdown below the cut, or his character sheet over here!

Next up: Our first anniversary! How romantic!

Race and Background

The Old Man of the Mountain was Human a long time ago, but he reached his fame during his undeath, making him a Hollow One. He’s also the closest thing we’re going to get to a Revenant in FGO, as in normal human history he’d only pop up when a younger Hassan needs a lesson in humility. All this adds up to you getting +1 Strength, +1 Wisdom and +1 Constitution, as well as a Relentless Nature that means you gain 1 hit point at the start of your turn while bloodied, you come back to life 24 hours after dying, and you always know exactly where the hassan who fucked up is. The downside to this is your go back to the afterlife as soon as you finish your task here on earth. You are Ageless, which is exactly what it says on the tin. You Cling to Life, so rolling a 16 or higher on a death save is as good as rolling a 20, bringing you back to 1 HP instantly. Your Revenance means you show up as undead when it comes to magical effects that sense that sort of thing, and you can use your Unsettling Presence to give a creature disadvantage on its next save for a minute as an action. You can use that last one once per long rest.

Hoo boy that’s a lot of racial bonuses. Fortunately your background’s nice and simple- as an Acolyte, you get Religion and Insight proficiency.

Ability Scores

You like big swords and big armor, so get that Strength up as high as possible for big swings. After that is Wisdom. We need it for multiclassing and for actually finding the Hassans. Little buggers are sneaky. Third is Dexterity- you don’t really care about stealth, but you are a ghost. Plus we need it for multiclassing. You’re literally undead- that makes you hard to kill. Your Constitution’s not half bad. Your Charisma is okay, you’re good at intimidating people, but you’re not that personable aside from that. Finally, dump Intelligence. I would never call you stupid, you’ve just got more important things to deal with than Arcana and Medicine. I know religion is an intelligence check, we’ll take care of it in a bit.

Class Levels

1. Fighter 1: If we want that creepy skull armor we’ve got to start as a Fighter, which makes you proficient in Strength and Constitution saves, as well as Intimidation and Perception. Like I said earlier, you’re very scary, and you’ve got to see your target to kill them, which is actually important when you hunt Hassans for an unliving.

You also get a Fighting Style. Your Superior Technique lets you make a Menacing Attack once per short rest. You add 1d6 to your attack’s damage, and if they fail a wisdom save (DC 8+str mod+proficiency) they’re frightened of you for the round.

You also gain a Second Wind which you can use to heal yourself as a bonus action. It’s like your normal healing factor, just a bit faster.

2. Rogue 1: Multiclassing into rogue gives you proficiency with Stealth. It’s not that you care about sneaking around that much, but you are a ghost.

You can also use your Sneak Attack to add extra damage to a blow once per turn. You have to be using a finesse weapon, and either have advantage on the attack or have another ally within 5′ of them. 

Finally, you get Expertise in two skills, doubling your proficiency bonus in Intimidation and Religion. 

You also learn Thieves’ Cant. It’s a language.

3. Rogue 2: Second level rogues can use their Cunning Action to Dash, Disengage, or Hide as a bonus action. You might not really be a ghost here, but you can certainly disappear like one.

4. Rogue 3: At your third level or roguery you become a Soulknife, earning you some serious Psionic Power. You get a number of d6 equal to twice your proficiency bonus, which you can use in a couple different ways. You regain all your psionic dice after long rests, and you can use a bonus action to get one back each short rest.

Currently, you can use psionic dice on your Psi-Bolstered Knack, adding the number you roll to an ability check you’re proficient in. If it succeeds, the die is expended.

You can also use it to activate Psychic Whispers. You can speak telepathically with a number of creatures equal to your proficiency bonus, for a number of hours equal to what you rolled. You also have to be within 1 mile of each other. You can use it once per long rest for free, or by spending a die later.

More importantly, you gain Psychic Blades, melee weapons that deal psychic damage and have finesse. If it hits a creature, it doesn’t leave a mark.

Also your sneak attack is 2d6 now.

5. Rogue 4: We’re not investing too much into constitution, so use your first Ability Score Improvement to get the Tough Feat. This gives you an extra 10 hp now, and 2 more each time you level up from here on out.

6. Rogue 5: Fifth level rogues get an Uncanny Dodge, letting you halve the damage on an incoming attack as a reaction. Hitting one of your vitals is a... tricky proposition, to say the least.

You also get a bigger sneak attack this round- 3d6.

7. Fighter 2: Second level fighters get an Action Surge once per short rest. It’ll add an extra action to your turn.

8. Fighter 3: Third level fighters get a martial adept, and the Samurai get their FIghting Spirit. Three times per long rest, you gain advantage on all your attacks for the turn, and gain some temporary HP as a bonus action. Free sneak attacks and more health! It’s a win for everyone!

9. Fighter 4: Use this ASI to bump up your Strength for stronger attacks. Remember, finesse just means you canuse dexterity, not that you have to.

10. Cleric 1: Now it’s time to make things scary. First level Grave clerics can cast and prepare Spells using their Wisdom, like Bane and False Life to scare your enemies even more and make yourself even harder to kill. You also gain a Circle of Mortality, letting you heal creatures for the maximum possible if they’re at 0 HP. You also also learn the cantrip Spare the Dying, which for you has a longer range and shorter casting time.

You also gain Eyes of the Grave, letting you sense undead nearby Wisdom Modifier times per long rest.

For cantrips, you also learn Resistance to be a little bit better than everyone else, Toll the Dead for hopefully obvious reasons, and Thaumaturgy to scare the crap out of anyone who hasn’t run off once the bell sounds.

11. Cleric 2: The real fireworks start now. Second level clerics can Channel Divinity once per short rest in one of two ways. The classic Turn Undead is fine, but we’re here more for Path to the Grave. Invoking this as an action gives a target creature vulnerability to you or your ally’s next attack for this round.

12. Fighter 5: Fifth level fighters get an Extra Attack each attack action. Attack twice with one action, or four times with two.

13. Rogue 6: Sixth level rogues get another round of Expertise, doubling your proficiency with Stealth and Perception.

14. Rogue 7: Your last level of rogue grants you Evasion, making your failed dexterity saves act like successes, and successes ignore the damage entirely.

15. Fighter 6: Use this ASI to bump up your Strength one last time, maximizing it for the most damage and accuracy possible.

16. Fighter 7: Seventh level samurai become Elegant Courtier, adding their wisdom bonuses to persuasion checks. I’d suggest talking with your DM to change it to intimidation checks for obvious reasons, but that’s on you. This also gives you proficiency with Wisdom saves.

17. Fighter 8: Use this ASI to grab the Sentinel feat, dropping a creature’s movement to 0 when you hit it with an opportunity attack. You can also make opportunity attacks against creatures attacking others, and you can make them against creatures who have disengaged. The perfect weapon to fight against assassins.

18. Fighter 9: Ninth level fighters are Indomitable, letting them re-roll a failed save once per long rest. Protection of the Faithful is a hell of a drug.

19. Fighter 10: Tenth level Samurai have a Tireless Spirit, letting you regain a use of Fighting Spirit at the start of a fight if you’re all out. Your duty doesn’t end. Ever.

20. Fighter 11: Your capstone level gives you another Extra Attack each action, three per turn, or six with your action surge.

Pros:

Having a weapon that leaves no trace is a serious upside for someone like you. Your expertise in stealth also means you have a pretty good shot at avoiding unnecessary fights, even with heavy armor.

You excel at both burst and consistent damage, specializing in hard to avoid psychic attacks. Path to the Grave combined with your Menacing Attack and Sneak Attack will let you deal (6d6+5)*2 damage in a single blow. It’s not as powerful as Sanson’s, but you can use your action surge to set it up a lot easier. That and your maxed out strength makes hitting creatures accurately a lot easier.

With proficiency in two of the three big saves and Evasion propping up your one weakness, you’re pretty solid against magical attacks, which will certainly make dealing with the Hassans a lot easier.

Cons:

Using Path to the Grave for your own attacks is still kind of awkward, and you just have to hope you can get a solid hit in that round. Not much you can do to fix that.

I’m always going to knock a build a point if you have to bend the rules to make it work. Elegant Courtier just doesn’t work for the build rules as written, and technically you can’t use psychic blades for attacks of opportunity. I don’t feel those are massive power shifts, but it’s something you’d have to talk with your DM about, so it’s still a negative.

We don’t need Dexterity at all, except for multiclassing minimums. Starting with that 13 in another ability score would be very useful.

[letterboxd]

Chaotic Bisexual.

Shiva Baby writer-director Emma Seligman tells Ella Kemp about expanding her wildly cringey short film into an even more anxiety-inducing feature, why Virgo and Taurus make the perfect producing pair, and the eternal conflict of being a good Jewish girl.

“If I can skip a bris to see E.T., I like movies!” —Emma Seligman

It sounds like a strange riff on a guy-walks-into-a-bar joke: a girl walks into a shiva and bumps into her secret ex-girlfriend, then her sugar daddy, then his shiksa wife, oh, and their baby—yet the payoff is so much more rewarding.

Filmmaker Emma Seligman’s debut feature is a new kind of teen classic: 78 non-stop minutes teeming with well-drawn traits and tropes that define the best coming-of-agers, the best Jewish comedies and the best day-in-a-life psychological roller-coasters.

Shiva Baby began as a grad project—a short film of the same name—and Seligman’s feature-length embellishment impressed at last year’s virtual editions of SXSW and TIFF, where it was quickly snapped up for international distribution. In a way, Shiva Baby was perfectly tailored to the times we were living in: Danielle, our reluctant heroine, is trapped in a claustrophobic family event she can’t escape, as people from her past and lies about her future make their way deep under her skin.

Fred Melamed, Rachel Sennott and Polly Draper in ‘Shiva Baby’.

Shiva Baby is very much the product of a wry school of emerging filmmakers who understand excruciatingly mundane horror and pin-sharp comedy as intimate bedfellows. Seligman’s writing finds a way to flesh out gloriously caricatural Jewish relatives, probing and overbearing and irrational. She does this both through dialogue and a visceral, haptic aesthetic that lurches in and out of focus visually, and has a nails-on-chalkboard unease sonically.

Coming in hot with a 4.01 average rating, Shiva Baby is striking all sorts of discordant notes with film lovers. “Combines some of my biggest anxieties: being asked if I have a boyfriend as well as what my plans for the future are and people talking with their mouths full,” writes Muriel.

The film’s “bisexual chaos”, which hinges on a haywire performance from Rachel Sennott as Danielle, opposite Molly Gordon’s overachieving ex-girlfriend, Maya, is also one of its great strengths. Glee star Dianna Agron is the shiksa threat, Kim, while Danny Deferrari is Danielle’s hapless benefactor, Max. If that’s not enough? Polly Draper, Fred Melamed and Jackie Hoffman are also just there.

What do you think defines a Jewish sense of humor? Emma Seligman: It’s morbid usually, and darker—generally uncomfortable and cringeworthy. I think about Curb Your Enthusiasm or Seinfeld, and A Serious Man. It borders on, “Is this funny at all?” I think Jewish humor leans into the darkly funny British sense of humor. I’m Canadian, so I feel like I’m halfway between the UK and the US in terms of their sense of humor.

Was it always your intention to make a comedy that feels like a bit of a nightmare? You’ve mentioned Black Swan and Opening Night as touchstones… Because I came from a short film, the question when expanding into a feature was, “How are we going to keep everyone interested in this day?” It’s got to be a significant day, it’s got to be that this young woman’s life has completely changed from this day. So what is it that changes? Why are we watching it? I watched a lot of movies that took place in one day, one of them was Trey Edward Shults’ first film Krisha. And then from there I realized that anxiety and this scary psychological feeling is a great way to have the audience stay there.

I watched Opening Night because there’s a shiva in it, but it was more the lobby scenes that were so claustrophobic and tense. And then each step of the way with each department, we were like, okay, it’s gonna be tense, but then we got to music, I was like, okay, this has become a full nightmare. Initially, I was just like, it’s got to be tense, but by the end, I was like, well, it does feel like a nightmare to a young woman sometimes.

Because you mention that, I have to ask whether you’ve seen Bo Burnham’s Eighth Grade? I have, it’s incredible. It’s so funny, they’re both coming-of-age [films], and one of them is about a fourteen year old and then the same sort of feeling exists when you’re 22. When you’re fourteen is when it begins, and when you’re 22 you’re sort of at the end of it and you’re like, “Oh, I thought I figured out what I was supposed to do when I started feeling insecure this way at fourteen about sex and boys.”

Diana Agron and Danny Deferrari in ‘Shiva Baby’.

Let’s talk about Rachel Sennott, who you have describe as your “Virgo rock”. What do you bring one another in your creative partnership? She’s a hustler, and she sets goals like nobody else. I think she moves very fast, and I’m more detail-oriented. I don’t know if the movie would have happened without her because she was like, “What are the goals to achieve this film?” After we made the short film, she just kept checking in with me. She goes well beyond what an actor does, which is why she’s an executive producer, because she was very, very invested in seeing the movie get made.

I think she pushes. We joke that she brings me out of my depression and I help calm her down. I feel like Taurus is a little more chill. Virgos are also earth signs, but they run on a faster frequency. So I think I calm her down, especially when we’re writing and bringing it back to structure. But she’s way funnier, she’s able to give jokes so quickly. We balance each other perfectly, for sure.

Do you think your partnership with Rachel is the kind of partnership you could see yourself maintaining throughout your career? Definitely. I think it’s important to have a good friend and also a young woman. She’s got different career goals from me, but they’re aligned. And we’re not in competition with each other. I feel so grateful because so much of the time I feel like the world does make you feel like you’re in competition with your friends that are trying to do the same thing as you when you’re a young woman—or just maybe in general.

Rachel Sennott and Danny Deferrari in ‘Shiva Baby’.

Her character in Shiva Baby completely subverts the idea of a “nice Jewish boy/girl” which can be a trope in movies, but also very much a real thing in life. Is that something you consciously wanted to subvert, or did it come organically from the story you wanted to tell? I wanted to contrast that idea of a “nice Jewish girl” because every nice Jewish girl or boy has a sex life. I felt the sort of nice Jewish girl stressors on me were completely opposite from the NYU art school sugaring worlds, and hookup culture broadly. My family is such a huge part of my life and I think that those two sets of pressures are completely contradictory; to be a good girl or boy and have a stable career ahead of you, and to be finding, even if it’s at the very beginning, your eventual partner, or to just be in a relationship. And I felt like in school, no one wanted to date, everyone was hooking up. So many of my friends are sugar babies. I tried it super, super briefly.

I felt like the world was telling me to be like “an empowered, independent, sexy woman who doesn’t care what anyone thinks of her, and doesn’t abide by any rules”, and I was like, “This is the opposite of being a nice Jewish girl!” And I just felt like those two things were screaming at me. So I did want to play on that. But I don’t even think it’s playing, just because that felt like what I was trying to battle within myself. And I think a lot of young people do, whether they’re Jewish or not. That’s their family’s expectations. And then the world is like, “But don’t care and don’t commit…”

Writer-director Emma Seligman. / Photo by Emma McIntyre

But then you still have to go home to your parents at the end of the day and they’re going to tell you what to do… Exactly.

What would you want viewers to take away from Shiva Baby about the sugaring community that you feel has been maligned in the past? I’m not a sex worker, so I don’t want to speak on behalf of this community, but I definitely feel like there hasn’t been many positive portrayals of sex workers. So I just wanted to show someone—because I knew so many friends of mine who did it—who enjoyed it, or purposefully did it and didn’t feel bad or shameful about it. I think maybe a lot of people think that it’s always something that comes out of dire circumstances. But whether that is the case or not, I think there’s a lot of people who enjoy it and enjoy what they do like any other job. So I just hope that they’re able to sort of widen their scope of what a sex worker looks like and acts like. Every sex worker has got a family, friends, a full robust life, as we all do.

It’s time for your Life in Film questionnaire. Can you give me a few must-watch Jewish films for people who don’t know where to start? Fiddler on the Roof, Yentl, Keeping the Faith, Kissing Jessica Stein, A Serious Man. Definitely Uncut Gems, and Crossing Delancey.

Shiva Baby has been described on Letterboxd, variously, as “Uncut Gems but make it chaotic bisexual”, “the most stressful Jewish movie since Uncut Gems”, “the chaotic successor of Uncut Gems”, “if Krisha and Uncut Gems had a baby”, and, of course, “Uncut Gems for hot Jewish sluts”… Amazing, I love that. Extremely nice comparison.

Who is your favorite promising young woman? Not Emerald Fennell’s film, but a young creative or performer who you think is making waves. I love Hari Nef—I think she’s amazing and am really excited to see what she does next. I loved her so much in Transparent and Assassination Nation, and I don’t understand why she hasn’t been the lead in a million movies.

Molly Gordon with Rachel Sennott in ‘Shiva Baby’.

What should people watch next after Shiva Baby? Those Jewish movies would be a great start. And then Krisha, although I think a lot of people have seen it especially if they’re on Letterboxd! But then those Jewish romantic comedies, and then Obvious Child, all those movies are very sweet and endearing and helped me make it.

Separate from film, if it’s shiva-related then Transparent. If I didn’t have Transparent I don’t think I would have seen world of grounded, nuanced Jews that I could do comedy with. It would have been more in the Curb vein, which is also amazing, but a little more schtick.

What was the first film that made you want to be a filmmaker? My parents are huge movie buffs so I’m not sure there was one moment, but I will say that when I was six there was a re-release of the 20-year anniversary of E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial and I was at a horribly packed bris and my uncle was like, “Fuck this, there are so many people here, I can’t even breathe. Let’s go see E.T.” That was the first moment where I was like, if I can skip a bris to see E.T., I like movies.

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Shiva Baby is now in select theaters and on VOD in the US. Film stills by Maria Rusche.