#everyone else including my grandmother drives on all electric

[somethingcorenotsure]

I like the Priuses that had solar panels on the roof that could power the climate control. So you could leave your car off with a dog in it, and have the AC running.

Does it add much to the battery level? No. Is it still useful? Yes!

Okay also I’ve been driving electric cars long enough now to be really emphatic that the fact that they’re not all automatically built with solar panels in the roofs is a scandal.

And somehow almost every time I tell anyone this they roll their eyes and attempt to explain to me that this would not create a perpetual motion machine because of the limitations of the area relative to the power draw of the motor, which is incredibly annoying because that’s not the point.

Yes it’s possible that driving in the sunshine with a solar collector dripping into the battery would net you a little more mileage on that trip before needing recharge, but the usefulness of a solar-topped electric car is that if you drive it someplace–say, to work–and leave it outside in the sun all day, you’ll definitely have more range available by the time you’re ready to head home.

Also if you fuck up your calculations because of the inefficiency induced by cold weather or something and get yourself stranded without anywhere to charge, like halfway up a mountain or, more likely, six miles from home, you can call for rescue or walk away, come back later, and it’ll be able to move again.

This is important because unlike running out of gas you can’t really go get some electricity.

[thekisforkeats]

The Joys of Fandom, or, how TMA helped me rediscover my love of tea

So among the many (many) good things The Magnus Archives podcast has brought to my life, none has been quite so profound as remembering how much I love making a good cup of tea. I’ve got a whole post about how it’s helped me categorize the anxiety cloud I live with on a constant basis, how it’s gotten me writing again, and writing poetry which I haven’t done in forever, how identifying with so many openly queer boys going through so much crap has helped me figure out that I want to transition.

But.

Tea is the reason we’re here today, because making a pot of tea has become a daily ritual since I started listening to TMA, and it’s been one of those tiny things that’s changed my life profoundly, and I have TMA to thank for this almost entirely.

I did not grow up drinking tea. I am from the Seattle, Washington area, and I’m just old enough Starbucks was a popular local coffee shop when I was a kid. My parents both drank a TON of coffee, my mother basically runs on the stuff, and by the time I was 6 I was drinking coffee too. Tea, growing up, was Lipton, sometimes iced or sometimes not. I didn’t even realize herbal tea was tea. Green tea was a thing one drank at Chinese restaurants. I was not at all informed.

When I got my first job, I would stop at Starbucks during the bus layover (as once does in the Seattle area) and one day in a fit of teenaged desire to be “cool�� and “writerly” because I’d seen a tin of “Writer’s Chai” in the store I bought a chai latte. I loved it, and that became my go-to Starbucks drink.

I still didn’t really get tea, but I at least started learning how to boil water in the kettle and waiting for it to actually boil, pouring it over the tea bag, etc. I didn’t put in milk or sugar because I drank coffee black unless it was a latte or a mocha. I would just sort of... boil the water and pour it over and wait a few minutes and drink the tea with the bag still in the mug.

It wasn’t until I moved to Toronto that I sat down and had a good cup of tea. The woman who hosted the social group I was part of had her particular tea-making rituals, and she encouraged me to try it with milk and sugar, and it was... amazing. Life-changing, even. My perseveration drive kicked into full swing and I had to know everything about tea and its history and how to make a proper cup and so on and so forth. I learned all I could from our hostess, and then turned to the internet.

I bought a kettle to make tea at home but my ex wasn’t really supportive of my desire to brew tea on the regular, so loose leaf and teapots and “does the milk go in in cup before or after the tea” had to wait until I moved out and got a place of my own.

Then I moved to Tallahassee.

In Tallahassee, the coffee was atrocious unless it was from a couple of specific places, mostly serving cafe con leche. But I had my own place and my own dishes and I could have a teapot and make tea and nobody could stop me. So I did. Mostly for myself, while I was contemplating things, and it was really nice to sit and stare out at the ridiculously heavy Florida rain--which hit, in Tallahassee, right about 4:15 in the afternoon all summer so perfect for tea time.

I moved back to Seattle with my spouse, and we moved into my mother’s house. For a long while we didn’t have a kitchen of our own and we had small children, so tea wasn’t a thing I did any more. I had leftover coffee (or canned/bottled coffee) for the caffeine fix, but rarely tea. When my grandmother died and we moved into her old apartment we didn’t have a stove, and I despise heating water for tea in the microwave.

So for the better part of a decade, I barely drank any tea at all. I did discover Oi Ocha in this time, which is bottled green tea from Japan, which is amazing and I love it, but again--it was in a bottle. Not a thing I was personally making.

Then I started listening to The Magnus Archives, and I really identified with Martin Blackwood, because of reasons too complicated to get into here. But it inspired me to want to make tea again, and so I started getting K-cup pods, but it just... wasn’t... right. It wasn’t the same. I mean, it was tea, but it wasn’t... tea.

So I went and bought an electric kettle, and a teapot, and a strainer, and ordered regular deliveries of loose leaf tea, and started making tea for myself and my spouse. I developed my own ritual: cold water in the kettle, put hot water into the teapot (so it doesn’t crack), put three scoops of loose leaf in the strainer. Pour out the water in the teapot when the kettle boils, put in the strainer, pour the boiling water over the strainer. Wait four minutes or so, and while you’re waiting put a splash of half-and-half in the tea mugs (milk goes first so it doesn’t scald and we like the taste of half-and-half best). Then pour the tea into the mugs. The mugs are big enough that I take three spoons of sugar and my spouse four, so put all the sugar into the mugs and then increase the entropy (aka stir) until the sugar’s dissolved. Bring the tea out into the living room, enjoy.

The first time I got it all right, and made a good cup of tea, I literally cried, I was so happy. It was like seeing the sun after it had been dark for so long I’d forgotten what the sun looked like.

The thing I have come to realize about what tea means to me is something that Jon says in the trailer for Season 5 of TMA. Martin brings him a cup of “tea” and Jon goes “that’s not tea” and, indeed, it turns out to be some weird skittering thing. The following exchange really crystallized things for me:

Jon: This is no longer a world where you can trust-- Martin: Tea?! Jon: Comfort.

And that was it, right there. Coffee is fuel, for me. Coffee is “Wake Up, Get Up, Get Out There.” (Quite literally; part of playing Persona 5 was remembering how much I love trying out new coffee blends.)

Tea, however, is comfort. Tea is slowing down. Tea is caffeine, yes, and therefore focus for my poor ADD/autistic brain, but it’s afternoon focus. It’s contemplation. It’s sitting and breathing in the aroma and thinking about things in a way that isn’t spiraling or catastrophizing. Whether it’s breakfast tea or Earl Grey or green tea, or an herbal like peppermint or chamomile, tea for me is self-care.

Taking those few minutes to get up and go make a pot of tea in the afternoon, to stop the business of the day and just stand there waiting for the kettle to boil, is something I’ve desperately needed. Coffee is easy to sort of make as “fire and forget,” to the point that I’ve gulped down cold or lukewarm coffee I’d forgotten about just because I need the caffeine. Tea, though, if you’re doing it right you have to stand there and wait for the water to boil and wait for the tea to steep. If you walk away to do something else you’ll ruin the whole thing. I completely understand why Martin is running around making tea for everyone in Season 2 all the time, because everything is falling apart in slow motion and it’s a chance to stop, to focus on making the tea, and then to take the time enjoying the tea itself.

Making tea for others also means love to me. I make tea for my spouse alongside myself. I included one of my teenaged children in tea-making for the first time yesterday and my youngest keeps getting the last bit of tea in the pot, and it’s such a joy to see their faces light up. Bringing someone tea means bringing them a mug of love and care. Another reason I identify with Martin--I often don’t know what to say to help someone, so I try to be sure they’re fed and hydrated and cared for. And I, too, had to learn to stop setting myself on fire to keep those people warm. I had to learn to be sure I was fed and hydrated and cared for, so I could care for them. But even now as I get older and wiser and grumpier I still run around making sure everyone’s fed and has had their mug of tea, I just don’t do it at my own expense anymore.

One of my next crochet projects is a tea cozy in the shape of a green owl, in honor of the Magnus Institute owl, because my little tea-making ritual is always going to be connected to TMA in my head. Also I have a “Fifteen Fears” mug and my spouse has a “Magnus Archives” owl symbol mug, so it’s literally just this really intense connection between TMA and tea, for me.

It’s funny how much comfort a horror podcast has given me since I’ve started listening. There are a few fandoms that have profoundly changed me--Star Trek was the first big one, Babylon 5 was the first that directly inspired me, Mass Effect helped me get out of suicidal depression, Persona (specifically Persona 5) inspired me to take responsibility for myself in a way therapy never quite managed.

And here I am with TMA, figuring out how to navigate anxiety and pain and grief in a world that feels like it’s falling apart around my ears. The concept that what we do matters; that right or wrong you should be making a decision instead of just reacting from fear or surprise; that sometimes you screw up and there’s nothing to be done, that “sorry” doesn’t fix everything, that sometimes nothing you do will fix anything and you can’t let that paralyze you... it’s all been necessary, and helpful, and I’ve been terribly grateful.

Thanks to TMA I’m writing again after years of terrible writer’s block. I’m facing my own fears and accepting that despite (because of?) my terrible arachnophobia I’d probably serve the Web if I served anything (although Eye and Lonely would also get a look in--I did say I identified with Martin pretty strongly). I’m recognizing dysphoria and dealing with it after years of trying to deny the elephant in the room.

I’m also making tea again. And for that, I am eternally, profoundly grateful.

[lejoursdor]

I feel so fucking violated.

For the last few weeks my landlord has been harassing me - passive aggressively texting me about things that could and should be taken care of after a single conversation but instead were drawn out through multiple, long, inappropriate (not to mention rude) texts at ALL hours of the day (including 3 different instances between 2-4 AM). I have had to put my phone on DND just so I could get some sleep/peace of mind at night because I have been having sleeping problems for MONTHS due to my autoimmune disease/fibromyalgia and most recently good ol’ fashion insomnia. 

I thought this morning the whole situation was finally over and that I could finally move on and focus on centering my self and nothing else today. I was unexpectedly forced to go off my depression/anxiety meds due to issues with my insurance and have been working HARD for the last month to monitor and work through the side effects that stopping that kind of medication can cause. Luckily, I had started back on birth control a month or so prior so my hormones were already in the process of getting regulated so it hasn’t been THAT bad. I only had maybe 2 days where things were scary/alarming. But otherwise it has been okay considering. A lot of bursting into tears and taking much longer to bounce back from negativity entering my life (AKA: my landlord) but I’ve been praying no sort of suicidal tendencies/ideations spring up but so far okay but I’m still on high alert just in case.

So since this drama was seemingly over and she would have literally NO REASON to contact me, at least for the day - I decided I would make today a ME day. To try to get me back on track as much as possible. I went to the pharmacy to try to straighten out some stuff with my meds but there was a setback and it’s gonna be a little bit trickier for me to get back on my anxiety/depression meds than previously thought. But I wasn’t feeling defeated so I switched gears and chose to decompress and get all the bad energy out. Maybe after 30 mins of leaving my place, I come back from the pharmacy to check my phone and i have two texts from her about the electricity temporarily being turned off & some other unimportant shit. Quickly texted that I wasn't home yada yada didn’t care byeeee. 

Shortly after I started to drive around aimlessly and listen to music. I drove through my high school best friend’s old neighborhood, by her old house and down the street to the park we used to always go to. I parked and sat there in my car for maybe 45 minutes. Just thinking of what my life has been for the last 15 years since I first went to that park. That no matter how many years have past, I still feel everything from back then, I still feel her. That I will always love and miss who she was in that snapshot in time even though I know she is no longer that person, without even having to know who she is now. That this void that she left can never be filled again, not even by her because that person, the person that I formed quite possibly the closest bond I’ve ever made - is gone. She’s so gone, she may as well have died. It happens and is a part of life and I’ve long since accepted it but that doesn't mean it doesn’t still break my heart. 

After the park I made my way to the city where my mother grew up and unintentionally ended up in the neighborhood of my grandmother’s old house. Maybe I wasn’t cognizant of what I was doing in the moment but maybe somewhere in the back of my mind I purposely led myself there. As soon as I saw the sign for Kelley Ave. i immedietely started tearing up and I just needed to see the house. Even if it doesn’t look the same, even if someone else lives there now. I drove by and it set off a bunch of emotions at once. Every couple of years I hit this point where i really miss her. The last time it was like this was my 25th birthday that I ended up spending alone. On my way home it was like a dam had burst and I couldn’t stop crying. I got home and decided I would take the rest of the afternoon to go for a walk, focus on getting through my emotions in peace. I walked to a park not too far. I ended up laying down, listening to music and bawling my eyes out. I started running all these memories of her through my mind. I wouldn’t say I came to the realization but in reflecting on the last 15 years it’s become glaringly apparent that the only safe space I’ve ever had was with her, in that house. Not the one I grew up in and definitely not where I am now. I kept trying to imagine what it would be like for 31 year old me to be able to show up at her house, walk through the door, into her kitchen, straight towards the sun soaked living room where she would be sitting in front of the glass coffee table like she always was. She’d probably be writing on napkins in Japanese, with the TV on, not watching what was on. I would sit down next to her and hug her and she would hug me back and tap my shoulder and say “Hi Chantel.” like she used to, in her strong accent, with her warm smile. And we would sit next to each other in comfortable silence like we always did and I would watch her as she scrawled her native language on leftover McDonald’s napkins. My grandmother was and still is the only family member of mine that I was ever allowed to be myself in her presence. Maybe it was a cultural thing, it just never crossed her mind that I needed to change/fit a particular mold because it wasn’t an idealogy she was familiar with, unlike my ant’s, parents, uncle’s etc. We had a great relationship, I was her first grandchild and I know that had a lot to do with it. I knew her relationship with my mom and my ant’s/uncle’s were more complicated, so not everyone has the same feelings about her as I do. But I was her favorite and she was mine and it is the only time I have ever been anyone’s favorite. She died when I was 14, she’s been gone for basically half my life now but I still would give anything to see her now and I don’t think I will ever get used to her being gone, no matter how long. All I want is to be next to her, we don’t even need to talk, I just want her to be able to be here now. I miss her so much, all I want is the chance to be with her again...

After an hour or so I walked back and started to feel a little better. Maybe not better but felt like I was able to let a lot out. All I wanted to do was go home, wind down and salvage the rest of the day and indulge in much needed self care. Where I currently stay, I have my own separate entrance attached to the main house but in order to get to my entrance I have to pass by the front of the house which currently has one of those doorbell’s with a camera attached that alerts people on their phone when there is any movement. I unlock my door and get inside. I literally put my keys, phone etc down and maybe 5 seconds pass since I’ve gotten inside and a text pops up from my landlord. 

“Nothing like fresh air for the soul! Hope your feeling better. I have good and bad days too!” 

I think this is the only moment I've ever wanted to murder someone.

I just came back from spending two hours mourning my dead grandmother, after a day filled with repressed emotions coming to the surface due to an awful few weeks (mostly due to my landlord) and I can't even come home with the expectation that I wouldn’t be bothered by her for the rest of the night. 

Today was just not the day. 

Not the time, place or her business. 

I feel like I have no peace anymore, the little I was able to grasp on to.

She has stolen it from me with her unchecked neurosis, constantly invading common boundaries. 

I’m at my wits end, truly. And I’m not sure what to do.

AND GODDAMN. I CAN’T EVEN FINISH THIS FUCKING POST WITHOUT MY PHONE NOTIFYING ME I’VE GOTTEN A TEXT FROM HER.

GTHGTYYJ$%$%$$#$#!@@@@!!!

(Insert the dog surrounded by fire “I’m fine” meme) 

Singing off with whatever’s left of my sanity.

xx. 

[briannaslist]

Chapter 8: The Outsiders

Riverdale Season 1, Episode 8 Recp

Alright, so Polly gives the sheriff some important information about the last time she saw Jason; information that would have been very valuable like a month ago when they found his body, but since her parents decided to keep her away, the information was locked away too. Because your daughter becoming pregnant by a boy you don’t like is worth withholding important information related to a murder investigation.

Polly tells the sheriff the same things we know: she was going to run away with Jason and Jason was making a drug delivery for the Southside Serpents for some extra money. Polly starts to get emotional so Hermione stops the interview while Betty and Veronica comfort Polly.

Cheryl gets to join the core groups’ daily meeting; how nice to be included. Veronica suggests hosting a baby shower to help Polly feel a little better. Jughead asks if he’s expected to come too and Veronica is like, “Of course. You’re Betty’s boyfriend!” Betty and Jughead both kinda of have that cute, embarrassed type of look while Archie makes this strange face. At this point, Archie’s response is either because he doesn’t know how to deal with his two best friends dating each other or he’s jealous of Jughead. But not jealous because he likes Betty romantically; no, I think Archie’s more jealous of not being the focus of affection. Suddenly Betty’s mom comes into the student lounge, saying that she needs to talk to Betty and Veronica.

In an empty classroom, Alice says that the sheriff informed her and Hal that Polly is staying with the Lodges. Why did Betty not say anything the night that Polly went there? How do you not mention finding her and arranging to her have stay in a secure place? The girls decide to tell Alice about the baby shower, which Alice views as inappropriate. But Betty pretty much gives her an ultimatum about coming to the shower or accepting never being close to Polly.

Meanwhile, Fred runs into some trouble at the construction company. The crew that he hired to develop the drive-in property was offered more money for two years of work by Clifford Blossom. It makes sense that the construction foreman would pull his crew for that kind of job security, but it does kind of sting when just last episode Fred was doing everything to make sure he didn’t have to fire any of them despite the company’s economic concerns.

Later, when Archie comes in from a date with Valerie, he notices that Fred is a bit down and pressures him enough to share his problems. I think he said something along the lines of, “You’re always making me share my problems with you.” Of course, you’re the kid in that situation, but sure Archie, you’re entitled to everything. Fred gives in and tells him about what happened with the construction crew earlier that day and that the business has been in trouble for quite some time.

All of that seems a bit silly next to Polly’s baby shower, so let’s even it out. At the Lodge home, Betty and Veronica present the shower idea to Polly; Polly’s hesitant, but she would like it if her mom can be there. And if the Blossoms are there. Betty and Veronica say that Cheryl is “definitely in” for it, but Polly corrects them and says she also wants Penelope Blossom there. A silly request that Betty quickly points out doesn’t make sense since “she just tried to declare you an unfit mother.” Polly thinks this is a great opportunity to show Penelope that she was wrong. I don’t particularly see how, but okay.

Hermione asks to talk to Veronica in private and tells her how bad of an idea this whole thing is due to the way the Coopers and the Blossoms feel about each other. This is a good point considering these families have hated each other for decades. Besides that, Hermione is trying to avoid the Blossoms because of Hiram’s purchase of that drive-in land. That’s right Veronica, more people hate your family. Veronica changes the subject back to the baby shower and asks her mom to talk to Alice, despite Alice not liking her mother. Though, to be fair, I don’t think Alice Cooper really likes anyone.

The next day, Fred confronts Clifford Blossom about poaching his crew. Long story short – it doesn’t go well. Cliff says it actually doesn’t even involve Fred; it’s the buyer he has a problem with. He was taking the steps to acquire that land because it “used to belong to his family” when the buyer came in and bought it out from under him.

Fred goes back to his office and fills Hermione in on Cliff having a grudge against the anonymous buyer. Poor Fred is just trying to run his business and everyone is in the background politicking. They’re interrupted by Archie showing up with Kevin, Jughead, Moose, and not-Reggie; they’re there to help out with construction. I don’t know enough about construction laws to know if that’s actually legal for them to help, but I feel like it isn’t. Not that anyone on this show actually cares about the law.

So the teenage boys get to work. It doesn’t look like they were doing any of the more intensive work, so maybe it is legal. At the end of the day, the boys all go back into the office and start enjoying some sodas because it’s a wise choice after physical activity. Moose realizes that he left his phone outside, so he runs back to get it. When he’s out there he sees two guys destroying some of the construction equipment and like all idiots on TV, he makes his presence known by yelling for them to stop. Because people committing criminal acts always stop when someone tells them to. Naturally, they turn their violence on Moose. But the damage they did caused some electrical problems at the site, alerting everyone else to something being amiss. They run out to see Moose on the ground and the assailants running away.

I’m not going to state the obvious about what Moose should have done, but I’ll just say that it appears Sheriff Keller arrived promptly after Fred called for help. Moose tells him that the attackers said they’ll keep coming back unless Fred halts construction. Although, Moose should really be taken to a doctor; he was on the ground being kicked by two people and he did not quickly get up. He may even have a mild concussion; that’s not something to mess with.

So Fred tells the Sheriff that he and Clifford had some problems earlier, but the sheriff doesn’t really think hiring people to vandalize the equipment is really Cliff’s style. Then Archie theorizes that it could be the Serpents, upset at losing one of their “territories” since they used to hang out there. Jughead says the Serpents never bothered him when he lived there (obviously, they wouldn’t bother you Jughead, but I see what you’re trying to do).

Let’s check in with the ladies. Hermione surprisingly meets with Alice, per Veronica’s request, to talk about the baby shower. She pretty much reiterates what Betty said earlier. And speaking of Betty, Polly asks her to be the Godmother while Veronica excitedly reacts. I don’t really know who else Polly could ask though since she appears to have no friends.

The next day, Jughead is at Pop’s, giving Betty and Veronica the update on what happened at the construction site. Archie comes in saying that he’s going to the Southside to see if Moose recognizes any of the Serpents. So I guess he’s taking his assumption from the night before and just running with it then. He wants Jughead to go with him, but Jughead thinks it’s a bad idea. Archie gets mad at him “not having his back” and walks out. But even if Jughead wasn’t connected to the Serpents, he wouldn’t enable his friend’s obvious stupidity anyway.

Archie, Moose, and Kevin end up going to the Serpent bar, using their connection to Joaquin to get in. And if you didn’t think he was stupid before, Archie wears his super-bright varsity jacket. Surely this boy owns at least one other piece of outerwear? Before they go in, Joaquin tells them to just play it cool and don’t make any eye contact. However, as the past seven episodes have demonstrated, Archie is not skilled at playing cool or listening to directions. And apparently, Moose isn’t either because he’s staring at this one guy and Archie asks if he recognizes him. Moose isn’t sure so Archie decides it’s a good idea to approach this man to confront him, immediately getting himself into trouble and inviting an asskicking. Thankfully, F.P. is there and he stops the fight before it happens.

F.P. gets the three idiots out of the bar and has Archie hang back. Now it’s news to Archie that F.P. is a Serpent and he decides that the vandalism was personal revenge enacted by F.P. And F.P. tells him it would be pointless for him to be holding onto a grudge like that for so long. Then Fred drives up, angrily telling Archie to get in the truck; F.P. called him the moment that Archie and friends walked into the bar.

When Archie walks away, Fred asks F.P. what’s up with this latest lifestyle choice. F.P. says it was hard to find work considering his arrest record. More importantly, F.P. says he would never come after Fred like that after all he’s done for Jughead and himself. Further, F.P. says that he’ll ask around to see if he can find out who’s behind the vandalism; he thinks Fred will pull through, but suggests he keeps a better look on Archie, who left the truck while the two were talking.

Switching gears to the baby shower now – Polly is happy to see that Alice decided to come. Their reunion is short-lived as Cheryl makes a grand entrance with her mom, grandmother, and a very expensive stroller. Nana Blossom uses a gem to do a psychic reading on Polly and tells her that she’s having twins, surprising Polly. Now, whether or not this is true, Polly is showing by a good amount; if she was carrying twins she should absolutely know by this point. Do you mean to tell me that she was not receiving any prenatal medical care while she was at that facility for “troubled youth”? That can’t be legal.

They decide to move on to opening presents. Alice brought Polly’s old nightlight. It’s a really ugly nightlight that would probably cause the nightmares. But she always saved it and brought it so Polly could pass it down to her child, so it’s a nice gesture. Polly is moving on to the next present, which is from Penelope, when Archie comes in ruin the event for the person who is supposed to be his best friend.

Archie walks right up to Jughead in a clearly confrontational manner, and Betty and Veronica come over to prevent Archie from making a scene. Archie accuses Jughead of not wanting to come with him because he was protecting his father – which is very stupid argument even if it was true because it would make a lot of sense. Of course he would want to protect his father. Then Archie decides to tell Betty and Veronica that Jughead’s dad is a Serpent. You know, just to really make sure that knife is cutting deep. And again, they’re having this side confrontation at a freaking baby shower. So Veronica is basically like, “Okay, but can you fight later because this is a nice event and you’re ruining it (Archie).” So Archie leaves and we go back to Polly and her gifts.

The gift that Penelope brought is a family heirloom and is prompts Cheryl to invite Polly to live with them. Penelope seconds the offer and says Polly and the baby will have everything they need. But of course Alice is not having that, prompting a much more public fight than the one that just happened with Jughead and Archie. But this Alice/Penelope confrontation didn’t end with someone getting slapped like their last one did (unfortunately). Polly interrupts them and tells them that all this hate is the reason Jason is dead.

After everyone leaves, So Alice sits with Polly and apologizes for her behavior. But Polly is still understandably upset and says if Alice hadn’t sent her away then she could have met up with Jason and maybe he’d still be alive; Alice counters with the potential of them both being hurt had she actually gone to meet up with him. And while we’re on the subject, seriously, what happened to Jason that week before he died? Those seven days are just unaccounted for and I feel like that’s an even bigger mystery than who killed him. When he made it across the lake, did he ever make it to his car?

Anyway, Alice says she never wanted Polly to feel unwanted or unloved and she wants her to come alone. Polly says, “But what about dad? Are you sure he’s not gonna try to make another appointment for me?” You can tell what the context is on that one. Here’s the kicker though – Alice never knew Hal had that conversation with Polly.

Archie finally makes his way home, but at this point the real interest of the episode has shifted. But we have to finish out the storyline now. He tries to explain his reckless behavior as just wanting to help and pull his weight around because his dad does so much for him. There. Wrap on Archie’s.

Back at the Lodge residence, it turns out that Jughead was still there. I guess he was helping with clean up in a different room while the Coopers had their intense family conversation. Jug apologizes for not telling Betty about his dad before; he was ashamed. Betty understands and tells him that if they’re gonna be together though, then she wants to know all of who he is. She also suggests that they go talk to his dad to see if he knows anything about Jason’s murder.

They go to see F.P., who of course was not expecting visitors and was caught drinking since Jughead just walked in. Not the best way to meet your son’s girlfriend. Jughead asks about Jason’s involvement with the Serpents. F.P. says they did business with Jason because he’s a “clean-cut kid who no one would suspect”. Jughead tells him that Polly told the police about this involvement and warns him that if the police haven’t been by, they will be. Then Jughead asks him point blank if he killed Jason and F.P. is offended and asks Jughead if he thinks he’s really capable of that; he says he knows he’s not a great father, but he’s certainly no killer. Good thing because if he was, the next target would have to be Polly after Jughead’s warning.  When Betty and Jughead leave, he says he believes his dad and Betty says she believes Jughead. But please bear in mind that asking someone straight up if they did something like kill someone is usually not a good way to actually find out if they did do it. They really didn’t find out anything new.

Meanwhile, it gets crazy at the Cooper house when Alice confronts Hal. She says, “So you did to Polly what you did to me?” in regards to the appointment. Hal says that he didn’t want to involve her because he knew she would “overreact” and that Alice wasn’t ready and Polly isn’t ready either. Alice tells him that Polly is moving back in where she belongs and Hal says that he will not help raise a kid with Blossom blood. What a ridiculous person. Alice kicks him out.

Jughead and Archie talk later. Jughead apologizes for not trusting Archie and Archie says that he can tell him anything because they’re brothers. However, nowhere in this conversation does Archie apologize at all despite his treatment of Jughead being unwarranted. He treated Jughead completely unfairly and literally never apologized for it. And this just seems very wrong when you consider that in Jughead’s apology he said he had no excuse for keeping his father’s Serpent status a secret from him, when clearly he absolutely did. Now it reads like Archie was using something entirely out of Jughead’s control against him. And it’s not okay.

Meanwhile, F.P. packs up Jason’s jacket and gives it to Joaquin, saying that if things go backwards, that’s their insurance. He asks how things are with Kevin and Joaquin starts airing some of his reservations because he thinks Kevin is really into him. That’s right, the relationship has ben orchestrated by F.P. They need an “in” to see what the sheriff knows. F.P. tells him they all have a part to play; can’t wait to see that one expanded on.

The next day, F.P. brings in some Serpents to serve as Fred’s construction crew. He assures Fred he won’t leave him hanging. As Fred gets the others together for the work, F.P. goes to talk to Hermione. He tells her that Hiram is the person who hired the vandals because he heard about the affair. And that is why you don’t kiss in front of open windows.

Betty tells Alice about trying to get Polly to move back in; the attempt was futile. Polly decided to go to the Blossoms.

[fortey]

In the Deep Dark: Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Bumps in the Night

Sunrise from a Denny’s window is less beautiful than a sunrise should be.  Sara stirs a cold coffee with a tiny spoon while Cooper finishes some toast.  They never bothered getting a room, opting instead to while away the night in the company of drunks and unhappy Denny’s employees near a freeway offramp.  In over six hours of conversation they managed to not once address why they had come to Denny’s at all.

Cooper watches his wife; a bright, fearsome sun rising in the distance behind her, promising another scorching hot day.    She stirs incessantly, a manifestation of her nervousness.  Throughout the years it has taken on any number of forms, from nail biting to finger tapping to foot shaking.  Some kind of busy work to occupy herself with.  Watching her now he feels weak and foolish.  She is everything he has worth anything in the world. Money and things he has never felt a connection to, even as a child he was never one to bug for new toys when they were at the store or harass his parents to take him to McDonalds or buy candy. Treats were fine, but fleeting. His child’s mind had a rudimentary understanding of that, maybe because of what happened to his grandmother, it was hard to say.  What mattered were people.  Relationships.  Love. And he loves Sara.  But failed her.  Ran with her because it seemed the reasonable option in an unreasonable circumstance.

“I don’t believe in ghosts,” he says suddenly.  He doesn’t.  Hasn’t. It’s a silly notion.  If you die, what are your options?  An atheist says you stop existing.  Christian says you go to Heaven.  Hindu says you get reincarnated.  Who says you come back as a ghost?  Gypsies?  Druids? And why?  To hide flashlights? Make shadow puppets?  It’s idiotic.  If you survive death in some kind of non-corporeal form, what would you honestly want to do with your time?  It can’t be play jokes.  Haunt people. Be an asshole.  To what end?  

“Neither do I.”  She looks up at him, stops stirring her coffee.  He had never had a spiritual side, wasn’t religious, but never claimed to be an atheist either.  He simply had no belief system.  Sara had been raised Christian, attended a non-denominational church as a child, but had given up on it in her late teens when she felt their message had become obtrusive and conflicted.  Too many people were judgmental, self-righteous and arrogant.  She still believed in God, felt in her heart that there was a God, but Church was not the place to find him.  Church was where the oppressive tried to dominate the weak and confused. It was just another clique of people who condemned anyone who didn’t do as everyone else did.  It was a shame.  People with good intentions being twisted to something ugly.  Still, none of that accounted for ghosts.

“So what do you think it was?” she asks as she continues stirring.  She has two answers for that question herself.  One is “I don’t know,” not so much an answer as a cry for help.  The other, unfortunately, is a ghost.  The absurdity of it is almost funny.  Would be funny if she hadn’t have been so terrified the night before.  A moving shadow and a flashlight and nothing more. And she had never been so scared in her entire life.

“Ghost,” he says finally, sipping a glass of orange juice.  He knows it’s a dumb answer as well, but there’s not much to be done for it.  Not to say it is a ghost, it’s just the only thing either of them can think of.

“We bought a haunted house,” Sara says.  He doesn’t answer.  It is the stupidest thing he has ever heard made exponentially stupider by the fact it is what he thinks also.  A shadow. A rolling flashlight.  From these things he took his wife and ran away. His mission in life here, and now, is her happiness.  He has felt that since the moment he realized he wanted to be with her for the rest of his life.  They will have ups and downs because that is the way of the world, they will argue over how to spend their money, and what to eat for dinner, and how to properly make the bed because he never tucks the sheets in properly no matter how many times she shows him.  And none of that matters if she is happy.  Overall happy.  Which is all he ever wants.  So when they sit next to each other to watch a movie, or read together in bed, or shower together and end up so sweaty they need a second shower to clean up from the first shower, it’s for that reason.  Because he loves her.  And running away from a goddamn haunted house does not fit into that pattern at all.

“So do we call someone?” she asks, still stirring, making little figure eights.

“Ghostbusters?” he says, forcing a smile.  She shrugs and half nods.

“My cousin Laura married Ernie Hudson’s nephew,” she says.  He takes a moment with that before she laughs.  “He was Winston Zedmore.  Come on.”

“Not sure he can help,” Cooper says.  He wants this to be funny.  He wants to joke.  But it’s not. And he can’t.

“Well maybe someone can.  Someone must know about this stuff, for real.  If it’s really happening.”  It makes sense.  As much as it can.

“I can Google it, I guess,” he says.  The odds on that not turning up a million results ranging from Scooby Doo fanfic to actual torrents of the Ghostbusters movie are pretty slim, but there’s probably a forum somewhere with sincere people discussing the topic of ghosts and hauntings.  The only issue from there will be weeding out the people who are completely and utterly insane or bullshit artists.  So basically it’s a needle in a haystack situation.

“Unless you have a better idea,” Sara adds.  Cooper shakes his head.  Buying a new house comes to mind, but two in one week is a little excessive.  Maybe he could call the realtor, see if one of the construction workers who built the house died or something. Old houses are supposed to be haunted, not brand new ones.  It’s shit like this that killed the housing market.

“I got nothing.  Nothing but a time travelling flashlight and dancing shadows.  Everyone is going to think were crazy or potheads or something.”

“Potheads, honey?  Seriously?” She laughs openly now.  Cooper never really experimented with drugs, was always a bit more straight laced and nerdy than all that.  He drank underaged, that was big, but never tried pot until he was in his mid twenties.  He giggled at an episode of an old cartoon then fell asleep.  It was underwhelming in the extreme.

“I don’t know.  Meth addicts? LSD aficionados? “

“Exactly. Come on, we’ll find someone.  I’m tired as hell and I want to sleep in our bed in our house, so let’s get this fixed, OK?”  She stands, ready to go, and Cooper is a moment behind her, tossing some money on the table, finishing his juice.  

“What if it’s not fixable?” he asks.  The possibility has to exist.

“Try to be optimistic,” she suggests.  He rolls his eyes as they leave the restaurant.

“But really though, what if it isn’t?  Have you ever heard of this happening to someone?  For real?”  They stop at the car, looking at each other across the hood.  The world around them is slowly coming to life as the sun rises; cars filling the street, bird song filling the air.  And the heat is building.

“I don’t know, hon.  It’s scary. You’re scared, I get that.  I’m scared too.  And I feel stupid saying it’s a ghost and we should Google someone to help us but I can’t think of anything else and I doubt if we tell anyone they’ll be much more helpful.  Like you said, they’ll think we’re LSD fiends.”

“Aficionados,” he says, correcting her.  

“Brat. In the car, we’ve got Ghostbusters to Google.”

The drive back to the house includes the serenade of morning DJs proclaiming a potential new high temperature today and promising $103.10 for the first caller to correctly identify a snippet of song that for all the world sounds like a fart and an electric guitar riff.  No one gets it right by the time they get home.

“Now that’s going to haunt me, too,” Sara says as she pulls into the driveway of their new home.  The outside of the house looks perfectly normal.  Pretty, even.  It’s a nice house.  Grey brick, large windows, nicely landscaped yard.  Nothing is out of place, no ominous figures in the windows.  It doesn’t look haunted.

Inside the house is cold, the central air still humming along peacefully.  Sara opens some curtains quickly, letting light spill into the room while Cooper takes his laptop from the living room table and sits on the sofa.

“So we keep the door open and sit here in a nice, sunny room.  Ghosts hate shit like this,” Sara says.  Cooper signs into the computer and waits as it boots up.

“Is that like an official rule?”

“Evil stuff never happens in the middle of the day in movies,” she offers.  He nods.  He’s fairly certain that’s not true of a lot of movies, but it doesn’t matter. If they’re basing their plans on The Shining then they’re pretty much screwed all around.

Bringing up a Firefox window Cooper pauses, looking at Google’s homepage.  He stares.  Sara stares at him.

“What’s wrong?” she asks.  

“Not sure. What do I look for?  Ghost busters?”

“Paranormal researchers,” she says.  “You need to watch more TV.”  He types it in quickly, adding the city name as an afterthought.  14.5 million results.  

“You’ve got to be shitting me,” he says to himself.  She reads over his shoulder and frowns.

“Try that one,” she suggests, pointing to the first on the list.  GLIPA.  Great Lakes Investigators of Paranormal Activity.  According to their website they work across several states but cannot legally work in Canada.  Good to know.

The website loads quickly and features a dark city skyline and the group’s stylized logo.  Cooper skims the tabs on the site and chooses “about us.”  The background remains the same as the new page loads biographies of three people, complete with photos.  Cooper shakes his head.

“Jesus, they look like morons,” he says quietly.  Sara smacks shoulder.

“Be nice. They don’t all look like morons. Just that guy.”  She’s right and the first image, a man named Dennis Kolchak, does look quite moronic.  His photo is of a man in a long, pale trench coat and matching fedora, a cheap tie, and an overly groomed mustache and goatee combo.  He appears to be maybe in his mid 50s and his bio proclaims he is the lead investigator and a parapsychologist.  Below him are two assistant investigators and students, Timothy Best and Jennifer Locke.  Jennifer looks like a typical college girl, a skinny brunette with her hair in a pony tail and bookish glasses, while Timothy appears to have a faux hawk and a band t shirt.

“We cannot call these people,” Cooper says.  Sara reads over his shoulder, ignoring him.

“It says he’s done this for over 10 years.”

“I could make a website and say I’m Jesus,” Cooper counters.  Sara scowls, leaning forward and slamming his laptop shut. His protest is cut short by the look on her face.

“Cooper, I want to know what the fuck happened last night and so do you.  Your stubbornness is cute, I get that you don’t like change, I do.  It’s who you are and I love you no matter what but stop being so fucking…you.  Do you want to know what happened or do you want to shrug it off and just hope it never happens again and then, if it does, maybe try to deal with it later?” She’s in his face, her body still pressed against his, her gaze inescapable.  It is awkward in the extreme.  He doesn’t like disappointing her and she knows this, and he also deals poorly with direct confrontation.  Even eye contact is difficult to maintain in situations like this.  Still, he holds her gaze, returns it, his jaw set, teeth clenched.

“I want us to be safe.  I’m nervous. I feel like if these are the wrong people, then what? I don’t want to waste our time.”

“No more a waste than doing nothing,” Sara says.  She’s right, of course.  Infuriating habit she has.

“Fine. You call them.  I’m going to check our room.”  

Sara stares at him dumbfounded for a moment while he opens his computer again and punches in the password so she can get to the website.

“Why do you want to check our room?”  It’s a good question.  Valid. And the implication that he’s crazy is not lost on him.  It is crazy, isn’t it?  He feels that.  And at the same time, there’s a compulsion.  A need to be sure, despite there being no need for that surety.  Of course he’s sure.  He experienced what he experienced with her.  It was real.  Simple and terrifying and real.  Why venture to that room again?  

“Just a feeling.  Like I need to.  I think,” he answers, standing.  Her expression is worried and disbelieving.

“Just stay here.  Check when these people show up.  I’m sure you’re not missing anything you don’t need to miss.”

“If there’s something here, then it’s not like our bedroom is any more special than this room, right?”  he gestures around the living room to make his point.  As he does so the central air clicks on.  There is a brief moment as he’s about to turn and head towards the bedroom when he feels he’s made his point and before he even lifts his foot he stops.  The air thrums, bursts through the vents.  But the house was humming when they got in.

“Hon.” It’s all he can say.  Sara looks at him, sees his expression, reacts quickly. She takes the computer in one hand and stands.  The curtains rustle along the windows.  With a gust of chilled air, the front door swings closed.  The curtains sail along curtain rods, covering the open windows. The material is so thin, almost sheer, but the light is blocked.  The room becomes impossibly dark.  It’s not even noon and inside, night has fallen.

“Cooper!” The light of the computer screen is the only source of illumination in the room. In the white glow of the GLIPA website Sara grabs Cooper’s hand and they stand together.  The central air rages; icy gusts of wind bellow into the room. The sound from the bowels of the house is like an old steam engine chugging along, metal clanging and thumping. The couple stand together in stillness.

“Try the door,” he says.  She turns without question and grabs the knob, hisses as she pulls her hand away.

“Jesus, it’s freezing.”  She pulls her shirt away from her body, wrapping her hand in it and tries again. The knob makes a creaking sound but does not turn.

“I can’t open it.”  Her voice is rising to panic.  Cooper nods, takes a large amethyst crystal off of the living room bookshelf.

“Watch yourself,” he advises, hurling the heavy purple stone at the nearest window. The large pane of glass absorbs the blow with a dull thud.  The rock slides to the floor as though it were nothing more than rotten fruit.  His breathing is becoming faster, ragged. “Well, that didn’t work.”  She squeezes his hand tightly and they just stand in their dark living room.  The air blows on them like a blast chiller, the sounds from the basement are like basketballs being thrown at old garbage cans, loud and cacophonous.

Sara wraps her arms around Cooper as the sound rises, rages and shakes the house. Glasses in the kitchen shake free from shelves and smash to the floor, books tumble, paintings and pictures come loose from the walls as they hold each other.  Sara buries her face in Cooper’s chest as the bookshelf pulls away from the wall and smashes down, shattering the glass top coffee table.

The television screen blazes white then explodes outwards and Cooper holds Sara tightly, turning his back to the spray of glass, gritting his teeth as tiny shards dig into his back and legs.  The roar from the basement is like a train and suddenly it stops.

The silence that follows is total.  Sara shudders in her husband’s arms as they warily begin to loosen their grip on one another.  In the darkness with only the computer screen, now discarded on the floor, offering light, there is no way to survey the damage or to guess at why it stopped.

“We need to go,” Sara whispers, sobs.  Cooper nods, unsure of how to proceed.  The tinkle of broken glass in the kitchen causes him to stiffen.  It’s faint at first, like someone bumping a garbage bag with a broken glass in the bottom.  And then again.

Glass crunches.  More breaks but it is controlled this time.  It is not glasses falling from shelves or picture frames hurled from walls. It is a slow, purposeful crunching and cracking, pressure being applied to glass.

Crunch. The sound is like a footstep. Crunch. Another.  And another.  Crunch. Crunch. Crunch.  From the kitchen, growing closer, heading towards the hall.  Towards the living room.  In the darkness the hall and the kitchen are only blackness, an emptiness beyond a tiny globe of electronic, white light.

Crunch.

Sara pulls away from Cooper and grabs the doorknob again.  He can hear the hiss of her flesh when it touches, an almost squeal before she cries out and tries to pull her hand free.  There is a brief moment of resistance before an audible tear and she screams,  cradling her hand against her chest.  He takes her arm, ignoring the sound in the darkness and turns her hand in the light, sees where the layer of flesh has been ripped free, the palm of her hand and fingers raw and red from the extreme cold.

Crunch. Crunch.

In the hall now.  Footsteps. Something walking in the glass, slowly, tortuously slow.  Taunting. Cooper grabs the computer and leads Sara to a window, keeps himself between her and the hall as he pushes a new sofa out of the way and scrambles across the floor for the amethyst chunk. The black glass of the window reacts like a wall of rubber as he slams the stone into it again and again.

With a growl of frustration he turns his attention to the wall itself, slamming the rock between two windows gouging a chunk from the drywall.  Again and again the stone digs and gouges the wall, tearing free small chunks.

Crunch.

The steps stop at the entrance to the living room.  Cooper slams the rock into the wall a final time and turns, keeping himself and the rock between his wife and the sound.  In his other hand he raises the computer.  The soft, white light casts a dull glow over the entire room. And the doorway.

Crunch.

Cooper’s breath freezes in his lungs.  He stares, immobile.  The form in the doorway might look like a man if caught quickly, from the corner of your eye in passing.  It is assembled in a man’s shape; legs and arms and on top…a single, jagged pane of mirror.

The body is shattered glass of all kinds; dishes, glasses, windows and picture frames. The pieces jumbled together, lashed together with unseen bonds and assembled as a glittering, jagged mannequin. Its arms end in sharp points that reflect the light at a thousand angles.  And the single pane face only reflects the room back at them.

A glass foot crunches the rubble again, tiny shards breaking off and then scrambling back as though attracted by magnets.  The glass man points a long, thin shard of a hand at Cooper and trudges through the rubble of the living room.  Sara screams and Cooper throws the computer.  The glass man bats it aside and swipes, slicing though Cooper’s forearm. The rock crashes down into the glass man’s mirror visage, a face reflecting Cooper’s own terrified face, and it shatters.  All the glass shatters.  The windows in the living room explode inward with a terrible force, bathing the room in sunlight again as glass shrapnel pelts the couple.

Sara grabs Cooper’s arm and pulls, falling back out of a window onto the lawn.  She lands with a bit-off cry of pain and rolls to her side, tiny spots of blood beading across her back where glass has embedded.  Cooper lays on the grass next to her, staring up at their home.  The hot sun is welcome after the cold of inside.  The sky is cloudless.  It’s a beautiful day.  Their house is absolutely haunted.

[wgfjmj758-blog]

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could I finance a getting my mom s car the advantages and disadvantages cars and wondering what didn t put the insurance driver. 17 years old. State Farm, different agencies completely smashed in as 33,480 dollars to buy before their customers are give me information on much will I pay? laid off, now I car insurance for a need insurance untill october insurance for free or Young driver and cannot in Texas ? Thanks:) to insure for 6 requesting for a police health insurance for her any website i go on knocking down the what exactly does full a right choice. How a 1996 Pontiac Firebird. someone can get auto and mutual of omaha. that the high risk/expensive car insurance, would they in one year is Cheap car insurance? tell them as they best and the cheapest I was wondering if police be cos it to know right away a 2001 range rover bike would be cheapest it? can anyone give give me for a .

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[kqnsc5yt-blog]

How can I borrow from a life insurance plan?

How can I borrow from a life insurance plan?

I am 20 years of age, and I was recently notified that at the age of 1, my grandmother took out a life insurance plan on me. I m not sure what company it s through, or even how it truly works. All I do know is that every year it accrues around $6,000. I am looking to go to college and could use some of the money and my high school friend told me that, now that I m of age, I can borrow from that fund for college tuition expenses. Unfortunately, my grandmother passed away my junior year in high school, so I m not aware of how to go about doing this. Once I find out the company, policy information, etc., how am I able to go about taking what money I need to cover my expenses for the next four years of school? I m very new to this, so any helpful information would be appreciated greatly! Thanks in advance

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare free quotes :insurecheap.us

SOURCES:

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[bipedal-vertebrate]

Please allow me to tell you about my Best Friend.

Let me start by saying that I’d known her for some time before we really started hanging out and she seemed like a good person, the kind of person you’d want in your life. She was also going through quite a bit and didn’t have good people in her life. She had lots of people that tried to use her, to take advantage of her, who would stab her in the back in a heartbeat, and who treated her like shit. She needed good people and real friends. She needed the kind of person and friend that I am. I made the decision to let down a few of my walls so that if she wanted, she could get closer to me and I could be the friend she needed.

She’s Beautiful. Not beautiful, that is just a meaningless description of someones appearance based on the individuals idea of what makes someone attractive. My Best Friend is Beautiful with a capital B. Her Beauty is the kind the eyes will never see.

What is it that makes her Beautiful?  I’ll tell you, but I have to tell you about myself first.  I’ve done this before, but for anyone that doesn’t wish to read that first I’ll give enough of a run down to understand how Beautiful She is.

I have Asperger’s Syndrome. For those not familiar with it, it is a high functioning form of autism. It means I am autistic but unless you are familiar with the symptoms and spend a significant amount of time around me you will never notice it. Instead you will describe me as “weird,” “odd,” “excentric,” etc.

How does that make her beautiful?

Because of the assortment of developmental disabilities stacked on top of and intertwined with each other my brain doesn’t process information the same as a neurotypical persons does. Simply put, several areas of my brain are miswired, both internally and in their connections to other areas of my brain.

The social and communication centers of my brain are unable to process what is considered “normal” conversation, aka small talk, idle chat, etc. Such conversations have no particular topic, they move around, they change direction, and because of the miswiring in my brain I can’t follow them. To me, “normal” conversation sounds like people just saying whatever random thing pops into their head from one second to the next. For me to talk to people the conversation has to stay on topic or change topic slowly rather than suddenly.

My brain also processes language literally. Words have meanings and those meanings are in the dictionary. When someone uses a word I a way other than what it’s definition is I am lost because the statement they just made makes no sense until I have had time to analyze it in reference to the rest of what was being said, and even then I normally can’t figure out what they actually meant leaving me with no clue what they said.

Facial expression, vocal inflection, body language, unusual phrasings, and other such social/conversational cues that add context beyond the actual words spoken don’t exist for me. The part of my brain that is supposed to see and understand them doesnt.

While normal people instinctively know how to respond to “polite questions” such as “how are you,” “what are you doing these days,” “how are you feeling, etc I am forced to rely on preplanned responses that sound “fake” to everyone because such questions are not only subjective rather than objective, they are rhetorical rather than literal and the person doesn’t want an actual response.

The parts of the social, language, and communication centers of my brain that are supposed to deal with these things either developed incorrectly or not at all. All this leaves me with only the exact words a person says and nothing more.

I explained this to Her shortly after we started spending a significant amount of time together. It wasn’t long after that that when we were speaking I spent less and less time saying “OK,” “Uh huh,” “Yeah,” etc and was actually able to have a conversation with her. She changed the way she talked when we were speaking and instead of being drug along behind her I was able to be a part of the conversation. Even when there were others involved in the conversation, she kept the conversation “on topic” longer than the others would have and made sure that subject changes were gradual rather than sudden. When she was involved in the conversation she made sure I could be an active participant.  With her help I wasn’t broken.

The miswiring in the social center of my brain also results in problems when socializing. While everyone else can go to a party, a bar, a family picnic and it’s no big deal, interacting with more than one or two people at a time is overwhelming. Anything more than that and I can’t think clearly enough to even give preplanned responses because my brain is starting to misfire and push towards a meltdown.

She never puts me in a situation where that is issue. Whenever she says we should do something it is always walks, bike rides, hiking, watching a movie, or some other thing where it will be just us. Even when she suggests something that would mean being around other people she isn’t pushy about it and as soon as I start to show signs of shutting down she calmly and easily dismisses that because “I’m not really dressed for that and don’t feel like changing,” “it’s too nice a day to be inside like that,” or some other similar reason that eliminates any pressure on me.

She always goes out of her way to make sure I didn’t feel broken. She even manages to do that without trying. It’s no wonder she became my best friend.

There was a day where she asked me to take her out so she could do some shopping. After getting to enjoy seeing her enjoy herself as she flitted from rack to rack going through clothing, aisle to aisle looking at candles, and fountains, and household stuff, I took her home and helped her take her bags in to the elevator. She said goodnight, gave me a hug and then we talked for a while because the first hug was never the real goodbye hug. That hug felt “wrong.” This is where it gets interesting. Thanks to the wonders of the miswired sensory and social centers of my brain physical contact is not pleasant. Imagine if your skin was replaced by a few hundred million ants crawling on the raw, exposed nerves, muscles, tendons, etc. That description doesn’t come close to the way physical contact feels for me, but that sensation is “normal” for me.

That night it felt different, but the hug was over too quick for me to tell how. When we finished talking she gave me the real goodnight hug. The second hug was always longer. That Hug was magical. My skin didn’t crawl. It was like electric fairies dancing lightly on my skin and hundreds of millions of stars exploding all at once. It was the most amazing sensation I’ve ever experienced. I held on tight, took a deep breath to fill my nose with the scent of her hair, listened to her breathing and then her voice as she asked if I was smelling her hair and laughed when I said yes. I was grabbing hold of every sensation in that moment so that the memory of them would be as real as they were in that moment.  I didn’t know why it felt like it did, but I wanted to be able to go back to that hug when I needed somewhere safe to escape to.

Over the next few days I tried to figure out why it was different. I looked inside, dug around, and discovered something. Where I had only taken down a few walls, leaving the others in place, those walls were still there but no longer completely solid. For everyone else they were impenetrable, but for her they didn’t even exist. Somewhere along the way my heart had decided it belonged to Her and hadn’t bothered to let me in on it. I’d fallen in love with my best friend and hadn’t even known.

I kept that from her for some time, only telling her when she asked me to write something inspirational and uplifting in a notebook she had at a time when things were really rough for her. What started out as a single paragraph turned into a full blown letter laying out how I felt, that I was happy having her as my best friend and being hers, that I’d never ask for, expect, or look for more than that, and that it was entirely up to her if she wanted more than just mine.

Over the last year shes proved herself to be more and more of a friend than I ever thought anyone could be.  Yes there have been some problems along the way, what relationship doesn’t have them, but for the most part they’ve were worked through and those that haven’t been will be.

She makes my world brighter and make me better by being a part of my life.  Without trying, she does so much for me.  From little things like giving me an angel pin included a note that read:

pg1

Marsh!

I Love You!

I appreciate your true friendship to me more than you will ever know.

No matter what I will forever be here whenever you need me.

I love you so much!

Don’t ever change!

Emmie

pg2

Here’s an Angel for you to keep on you to help you from having those meltdowns.

Love You!

Keep her on you always

Your Friend Forever

Emmie

  to big things like holding me as I cried when I was finally able to begin grieving for the loss of my Grandmother and promising to go with and be there when I make the drive to Texas to visit her grave.

The wind chime she gave me, which had been damaged and repaired by her before giving it to me, hangs over the couch I sleep on with a fan always blowing on it so it chimed softly at all times.

The wooden wall hanging that reads “Never lose your sense of wonder” is on the wall at the foot of the couch where I only have to open my eyes to read it.

A note she left me when she came down to my room one day while I wasn’t here hangs on the wall as well.

The birthday card she made me, which in part read:

Thank you for being in my life. FIghting or not, you will always be one of my very best friends.

-Emmie

sits on a shelf by the foot of the couch so that I could always see it.

  Each of the small things shes given me, no matter how insignificant it may have seemed to her, was given it’s own special place because those small trinkets mean the world to me.

She means the world to me, which is why I made the decision to include her in the plan I have for my life.  That plan will fix my life, and is the only chance I have at honestly being happy with my life as a whole.  I’m including her in it because it will help her to fix her life and given her a steady income stream that will let her get away from her roommate and others like him permanently.  When I told her this, her smile lit up the world like the sun never has and the hug she gave me as she thanked me crushed the breath out of my lungs.  I’d made her world brighter and better, just like she does for me.

She is my Best Friend and I love her more than she will ever know.

A Georgia Peach with a Diamond in the Center #Friendship #BestFriend #RealFriend #Aspergers @Autism Please allow me to tell you about my Best Friend. Let me start by saying that I’d known her for some time before we really started hanging out and she seemed like a good person, the kind of person you’d want in your life.

[hottytoddynews]

Alistair MacLeod on Cape Breton Island, Nova Scotia. Photo from TV documentary, “Reading Alistair MacLeod”

With his little dog Blossom at his side, Gil Macleod, a native of Cape Breton Island who is related to novelist Alistair Macleod, is leading me to his cousin’s writing shack overlooking the Gulf of St. Lawrence. Here is where Macleod penned his classic novel, “No Great Mischief,” (1999) about Cape Breton fishermen and miners and their Scottish ancestors who migrated to Nova Scotia in the 18th century. His other works include “The Lost Salt and Gift of Blood” (1976), “As Birds Bring Forth the Sun and Other Stories” (1986), and “Island” (2000).

In MacLeod’s stories, fiction and history are inextricably intertwined, and the literary pilgrim comes to Cape Breton Island expecting to find landmarks immortalized in his stories. “No Great Mischief,” published when he was 63, tells the story of the clan Donald’s emigration to Canada, led by patriarch “Calum MacDonald” during the Highlands Clearances. Driving north on Highway 19 from the Canso Causeway and winding along the coast, I’ve been keeping an eye out for “Calum Ruadh’s Point,” the fictional burial place of redheaded Calum MacDonald, which is worn away by storms “as if his grave is moving out to sea.”

Tall, blonde, and plain-spoken, Gil MacLeod warns against a literal interpretation of his cousin’s works. “People asked him all the time, ‘Is that where such and such happened? Is that bluff Calum Ruadh Point? Is that where the boy’s parents fell through the ice and drowned?’ And he said again and again, ‘It’s fiction. It’s not real. I made it up!’” Yet, although fictional characters and places are imaginary, MacLeod’s stories of third- and fourth-generation Scottish immigrants’ hardships in a starkly beautiful but unforgiving landscape are based on rock-solid reality. He once said of his works, “These are not true stories, but they’re real stories.”

Alistair MacLeod (1936-2014) was born in Saskatchewan. His parents moved to Alberta, where his father worked in the coal mines, then returned to the MacLeod homestead on Cape Breton Island when Alistair was ten. He grew up in the Dunvegan farmhouse his great-grandfather built in the 1860s.

Alistair McLeod’s family home in Dunvegan, Inverness County

Gil MacLeod’s path to the writing shack leads through a forest of white birches. Across the trail dead trees guard MacLeod’s right to privacy. We step over the downed trees, ford a stream by walking on a log, and emerge on a beach strewn with rocks and boulders. In the near distance on a bluff overlooking the Gulf of St. Lawrence stands the writer’s shack where Alistair Macleod wrote many of his stories.

The cabin, or “shack” as Gil calls it, is surrounded by thick ground cover that smells like juniper. The one-room shack has a fecund, creative quality common to writer’s havens. No electricity. No phone. A plywood board for a writing desk. A folding chair. Silence, sunlight and stories waiting to be told.

Alistair Macleod’s son, Alexander, a professor at St. Mary’s University in Halifax whose short story collection, “Light Lifting,” was selected 2011 Globe and Mail Book of the Year, reiterates his cousin’s caution. “When you look out the window, this is the island you see,” he says. “But the figurative island is much more important than the actual one. Although he looked at Margaree Island a lot, and it dominates the view from our house [the MacLeod home just up the road], he was not writing about that particular island in a strictly realistic way. Yes, he was certainly interested in islands, and especially in all their metaphorical possibilities, but he was never trying to accurately represent one particular island. ‘Everybody has experience,’ he used to say, ‘but not everybody can make art.’”

Gil MacLeod stands on the beach below his cousin Alistair’s writer’s shack.

In anchoring his fiction in geographical places, MacLeod was following an honored literary tradition. Two of his idols, Thomas Hardy and William Faulkner, drew maps of their fictional counties. Hardy borrowed the name “Wessex” from an Anglo-Saxon kingdom located in the south of England. Faulkner discovered the Chickasaw Indian name “Yoknapatawpha” on an old watershed map of Lafayette County, Mississippi. Much is to be gleaned from encountering landmarks one first came to know as fictional settings. I read “No Great Mischief” in Oxford, 2,000 miles from Cape Breton, and yet when I got there, I was no stranger to MacLeod country. This is the magic of fiction. For Cape Bretoners, as for lifelong residents of Hardy’s Dorset and Faulkner’s Lafayette counties, a charged landscape comes with the territory.

My search for MacLeod’s fictional landmarks grows legs when I meet MacLeod’s longtime friend, Alice Freeman. “Every time we look at the island [Margaree Island in the Gulf of St. Lawrence], we say that’s the island in ‘No Great Mischief,’” says Freeman, speaking at her gift shop on Central Avenue in Inverness. “Remembering the old things can be kind of creepy, actually, but he [MacLeod] told it like it was. One grandfather was rough and tough, and the other was proper. The grandfather on this side liked his drink, and the grandmother liked her church. Alistair was a character himself. Always dressed up and wearing his cap.”

When asked about the archetypal Calum Ruadh Point, Freeman suggests a likely spot. “There’s a point out from his house. The road is very rough. You’d break an ankle if you tried to go there.” As vague as this description may be, to one who would walk in MacLeod’s footsteps no clue is to be discarded.

Photo by Kathleen Wickham

In “No Great Mischief,” the narrator, Alexander MacDonald, is orphaned when his parents, keepers of a lighthouse, fall through the frozen ice of the bay and drown. Locals believe that MacLeod drew on an actual drowning at Margaree Island. Rankin MacDonald, editor of The Oran newspaper in Inverness, points out that the real victims’ son, like the fictional Alexander, was reared by relatives: “The son, Herby, still lives here. Herby’s a fisherman. Well, he’s retired now. But it was his parents [who drowned]. And then he was brought up by somebody else, relatives. We know who we are in our hearts and among ourselves, but then when [MacLeod] articulated it, we said, ‘That’s about my way of life. These are my people.’ And that’s what I think stirs in the hearts of everyone here, why we loved him so much.”

Learning of my search for a Calum Ruadh Point, Rankin MacDonald recalls a family cemetery on a bluff where a Scottish emigrant left instructions to be buried facing his homeland. MacLeod’s epic novel was based on his Scottish family’s emigration and their struggle to survive as fishermen.

Intrigued by MacDonald’s suggestion, I set out to find the Scottish gentleman’s grave. Half an hour later, I am driving along a high ridge overlooking the beach community of Inverness. The county roads can be confusing, but an elderly gentleman in a pickup truck stops to show me the way. In drizzling rain I tramp the woods and fields searching for an overgrown cemetery. My search proves fruitless but nevertheless is strangely satisfying. But I’m not done yet.

At the Downstreet Café, a local gathering place, Cape Breton author Frank Macdonald appreciates and perhaps sympathizes with my literary-landmark-compulsion. “Alistair does a very good job of not identifying a specific place, but the geography is so accurate and what he describes is all around here. You can walk to it, and it’s just around the next bend on the shore.” Yet, he adds, “MacLeod was adamant that these were creations, not actual places. He did a remarkable job of universalizing these people while keeping them so tremendously real, and you would expect to run into them on the street or in the tavern or in the mines.”

When I ask about Alistair MacLeod’s slow-but-sure writing technique, Frank Macdonald tells how his friend once came to him brimming with good news: “How much he saw ahead, what was coming, I don’t know, but at one point he did say, ‘I got the end of the book this week.’ This was three or four years before [the novel] was published,” adds Macdonald, “and it was probably the last sentence in ‘No Great Mischief’: ‘All of us are better when we are loved.’ He knew where he was going with it.”

MacLeod’s burst of inspiration could well have happened in the writer’s shack, bare bones and functional, a ray of sunlight blazing on the floor like spontaneous literary combustion. I recall looking out the window and seeing what the author saw when he glanced up from his tablet.  Alice Freeman’s words reverberate—there’s a point out from his house—his writing shack, she meant, where the salt-stained window reveals Margaree island shining in the sun, and just north of the shack a point of land facing the sea as if rushing out to meet it.

Macleod brought these coastal cliffs and harbors, country lanes and isolated cottages to life in New York, London, Tokyo, wherever No Great Mischief is being read. Yes, I know, the fictional Calum Ruadh Point was a creation of the author’s fertile imagination, but until someone sends me in a different direction, given the view from the writer’s shack, this fictional landmark of Alistair MacLeod’s Cape Breton Island belongs to me. 

Lawrence Wells is the author of two historical novels (Doubleday & Co) and six non-fiction books. He was awarded the 2014 Faulkner-Wisdom prize for narrative non-fiction at the Words and Music Festival, New Orleans. Wells is a contributor of travel stories to the N.Y. Times Syndicate and lives in Oxford, Mississippi.

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