#every time the aussie speaks I’m like ‘getting a lot of ‘house we need to cure this patient’ vibes from this…’

[kimtranssexler]

Okay I checked out the first episode and I can’t take this seriously because every time they say the word “medicine,” in my head I hear “did you try the medicine drug? Only stupid people try the medicine drug. You are stupid.” Which is bad because they say medicine every thirty seconds because this is a medical show.

Is House actually gay or are y’all fucking with me? Should I watch House for the yaoi?

[lu-undy]

Happy birthday, Solitude But Two!

Here is a bonus Chapter!

"You guys will be alright, yeah?" 

"Of course, Micky, it's not the first time you leave the kitties with us." 

"But it's gonna be more than an evenin' this time. Also, before I forget, I put one of Lu's shirts in the bag, they need it to sleep, don't forget it or they'll harass you until you give it to them."

Perle was gladly following Caroline around while Soot lay on Mike's lap, purring as the old man gently massaged the black cat. 

"Bah, we raised you and we used to have cats as well as dogs."

"Your Mum's right." Mike answered from the sofa. "We'll be fine. You go and have fun with Lucien. Did you tell him by the way?" 

"Nah, not yet. I'm keepin' it a surprise for him. Speaking of, I really gotta go or we’ll be late. He’s waitin’ to have lunch with me before I take him." 

"You arranged everythin'?" Caroline asked.

"Yeah, almost. Right, you guys take care, alright?"

"We will, Micky, you go and have your fun with your Lu'." Caroline answered as Mundy opened the front door.

"Meow!" Perle came trotting to her father and Soot jumped out of Mike's lap to join her. 

"Oh, sure, baby, c'mere you guys…" Mundy squatted down and dealt headbutts and scratches left and right to both the felines. "You behave with Grandma and Grandpa, yeah?" 

"Meow." 

"Good babies." He left a kiss on their heads and pushed himself back to stand up. "See ya!"

"See you in a few weeks, Micky!" 

A few moments later, the Aussie was on his motorcycle, racing through the streets and in his own mind. He had been preparing this for a while now. 

It had been one year. 

One year since he had put a ring on Lucien's finger and vice versa. Well, it would be one year exactly in a few days and this was what it was all about, celebrating the first anniversary of Lucien and him being… well… husbands? 

Of course, their legal status remained single but in their hearts and their heads, they were very much taken and faithful to each other. Mundy never did attract a lot of attention from ladies and gents, but Lucien… 

Every time the couple was having dinner outside, or enjoying a party with the few friends they had made, one person would walk to Lucien and hit on him. The first time it happened, it was a woman but Mundy nonetheless felt the itch to show her the rings, Lucien's and his. As he came close to his lover, he heard Lucien chuckle at the poor woman's attempt to pull her into her bed. He remembered it with a smile now…

“Oh, here you are, Mundy.”

“Hey, Lu.”

The woman had raised her eyes to the Aussie. 

“This your friend?” She asked. 

“More than that…” Lucien put a hand on Mundy’s chest and leaned on him. “Please meet my everything, Mundy. Mundy, this is the charming Amanda.”

“Hey there.” Mundy had stuck to being cold but polite, a defensive hand went to grab his Lucien and pull him to himself, almost defensively. 

“What d’you mean, ‘your everything’?” She chuckled with a raised eyebrow, confused and slightly mocking. 

“I mean this.” Lucien answered and pulled Mudy’s neck down for the Aussie to be at his lips height. He pushed a loving kiss on his lips and released him. Mund opened his eyes again, his mind still on the kiss even though Lucien’s lips had parted from his. 

Amanda’s jaw hung low and wide. 

“He is my husband, look!” Lucien went on, uphased. “This is the ring. It has only been a few months, mind you, time flies, but we love each other as if we were half our ages… Oh? Amanda?”

The woman had spun on her heels and left, leaving Lucien to chuckle and turn back to Mundy. 

“So, mon loup, are you enjoying your evening?” 

[My wolf]

“Uh… Y-yeah… Wasn’t she hittin’ on you?” Mundy nodded in the direction of the woman. 

“She was, very much.” Lucien answered. “But for some reason she left now. I cannot think why… Women shall remain a mystery!”

“Maybe that’s cause you snogged me like there’s no tomorrow in front of her?” Mundy answered.

“Oh, that? Maybe.” Lucien answered and leaned against Mundy’s shoulder again. He stared at the woman refilling her glass with whatever strong alcohol she could find before he raised his light blue eyes to his lover. 

They exchanged a smile. 

“You’re a devil, you know that?” Mundy said. 

“Maybe, but I am having great fun.”

“Why did you do that to her? You could have just said that you were already with someone.”

“And miss this laughter we shared? For nothing in the world. This ring that she chose to ignore,” Lucien raised his hand to Mundy. “It means that I vowed to make you happy. You did laugh, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, I did. “

“Then I am upholding my vows. Très bien.”

[Very well] 

 “You’re mean, Lu’. Look at her now…”

“I am not mean. If anything, she was.”

“What?!” Mundys eyebrows jumped in surprise.

“I am wearing my engagement ring and she still chooses to approach me. She knew she was taking a risk and she liked the thrill of it. Well, let this be a lesson for her: not all the risks are worth taking, Madame Amanda.”

“Well, if you put it that way…” Mundy agreed. 

And Mundy reached his destination, which pulled him out of his daydream. He parked the motorcycle safely and entered his house. 

“Mon loup, c’est toi?”

[My wolf, is that you?]

“Oui, mon amour.”

[Yes, my love.]

Lucien rose from his armchair and met his love at the front door. 

"Your accent when you speak French is delicious…" He said before pushing himself to the tip of his toes and kissing Mundy. 

"I'm makin' progress, aren't I?" Mundy laced his arms around Lucien's waist.

"Oui, but please, never lose your accent." 

"If it goes like it does with you, I'll still have my accent in a hundred years."

"Are you saying I am old?" Lucien frowned in an exaggeratedly sad way. 

"I'm not the one spendin' my time sayin' 'You'll see when you get to my age', eh!"

"Pfff…" 

They chuckled together.

"You ready?" Mundy asked. 

"Where are you taking me for lunch?"

"Where d'you think?"

"Hm…" The couple exited the house and Mundy locked the door as Lucien thought out loud. "Maybe the new Lebanese place that opened in town? I am told it is exquisite and very reasonable in price." 

"Since when d'you care about the price of things?" Mundy smiled. "Oh, no, no, Lu', we're not goin' with the bike. I called a taxi." 

"Oh? This means that you intend to get drunk, so maybe the Irish pub? But isn't it early to get drunk?"

"Never too early to be with you, baby." Mundy raised his arm for the taxi to stop while Lucien's blush took a moment to fade. 

They both embarked in the taxi. 

"Where to, Sir?" The driver asked. 

"Where I told you on the phone, please." Mundy answered. 

"Alright." The driver let his foot press on the gas pedal and off they all went. 

"Tu me caches des secrets?"

[You are holding secrets from me?]

"Oui." Mundy answered. 

"Dis-moi où tu m'emmènes." Lucien asked.

[Tell me where you are taking me.]

Mundy shook his head and took a glance in the inside rear view mirror. The driver was busy. Good. The Aussie slid his hand to take his lover’s. 

“C’est une surprise, doll.” He answered with his accent. 

[It’s a surprise.]

“D’accord.” Lucien smiled and nodded.

[Very well.]

And the ride took them away from where the usual restaurants the couple frequented used to go. Lucien straightened his back and looked through the window. He started frowning when he saw the control tower of the airport, the same one he had landed in, a few years ago now. And it got him thinking. What if he could go back and see the Lucien that disembarked on the plane that day. Would the slightly younger Lucien believe him if he had told him what he would become? What would he even tell him? 

Tu rencontreras l’homme de ta vie et ta vie basculera. Tu ne demanderas plus comment ni pourquoi. Tu vivras l’instant, tout simplement, comme quand tu avais vingt ans. Tu vivras et aimeras, comme quand tu avais vingt ans. Tu seras heureux comme jamais tu ne l’as été. 

[You will meet the man of your life and your life will flip upside down. You will not wonder how or why anymore. You will live the instant, simply, as you did when you were twenty. You will live and you will love, as you did when you were twenty. You will be happy as you never were before.]

Would the younger Lucien believe him or would he laugh at him, scornful and disdainful, before he would realise that perhaps, the older him was senile, old, and out of his mind? 

Pff, in the end, Lucien did not even care. He smiled at that version of himself. The bitter, cynical and lonely old man. He was now even older, but so much happier…! 

"Lu'?" 

Mundy's voice broke the Frenchman's train of thought. 

"Oui?" 

"Je t'aime." 

[I love you.] 

Mundy said those words with such honesty in his eyes that Lucien's cheeks turned pink on their own. 

"Moi aussi."

[Me too.]

He smiled back at him and clenched his fingers a bit harder between Mundy's. 

"Alright, we're gettin' there, Sir. Which door should I drop you at?" The driver asked. 

"Departures, please." Mundy answered, his eyes sealed on Lucien's and the Frenchman's eyebrows jumped. 

"Departures?" He repeated.

"Yeah."

"Are we… travelling?"

"Yeah." 

"But Mundy, we haven't taken any luggage with us?" 

"Don't be silly." Mundy gently chuckled as the driver parked. 

Both men exited the car and Mundy winked at Lucien. 

"C'mon, Lu', keep up! We don't wanna miss the flight…!"

"W-wait!" Lucien caught up with his lover. 

The airport was as busy as an anthill. People coming, going, running, pushing carts, holding their hats on their heads as they ran. 

"Mundy, were you serious?" 

"Course I am! We're goin', c'mon!" Mundy glanced up at a screen and quickly spun on his heels to change direction. Lucien followed, sometimes even trotting after his lover. 

"But where are we going?" 

"Told you, and in French at that, it's a surprise." 

"You cannot keep the surprise going forever, I will soon know." Lucien answered. 

"Yeah, but meanwhile, I'm likin' this whole 'Lu' doesn't know what's happenin'' business." Mundy smirked and looked down at Lucien, which he knew the Frenchman had a weakness for. 

"I shall find out myself!"

"Alright, good luck, Sherlock." Mundy winked and Lucien smiled. 

They walked through halls and corridors. 

"Uh, uh, uh! Gimme what you took from my pocket back!" Mundy stopped walking and turned to Lucien

"How could you possibly know?!" Lucien stopped. "I made every effort for you not to feel it!"

"You stole somethin' from my back pocket." Mundy said and opened his palm flat. "Give it back…" 

"How did you know?" Lucien frowned. 

Mundy sighed with a smile. He took the step that separated him from his lover and bent slightly such that his lips were next to the Frenchman's ear.

"I felt you touched my butt, and I liked it."

"Ah…" Lucien lowered his head and raised the plane tickets that he had taken from Mundy's back pocket. 

"Thank you, now stop bein' a spook and follow me."

They went on following sign after sign and looking at all the screens they met. 

"Here, that's the search thingy. I hope you don't have your blade with you." Mundy said as they queued. 

"What do you take me for?"

Both men started undoing their belts. Mundy removed his glasses and his hat. When the Aussie finished, he walked through the metal detector and soon after, his lover followed him. 

BEEP! 

"Ah, oui, I must explain myself." Lucien calmly said and Mundy observed the scene. "This is my passport. If you run a check on me, you will understand." 

The security employee took the passport and disappeared for a while. He came back and his colleague stopped him. 

"Hey, don't let him go, he had a knife in his belongings!"

"No, we have to let him go." The man handed Lucien his passport back. "With the knife and all. Have a good day, Sir, and sorry for the inconvenience." 

"No problem, you are but doing your job, Monsieur." Lucien took his belongings back and left the area. "Mundy? Are you coming? I do not know which gate we should head to."

Mundy had been standing there, his belt half put on, half still dangling down. His jaw had dropped as he watched. 

"Uh, y-yeah."

"Mundy." Lucien stopped him. 

"Yeah?" 

"Maybe you should finish putting your belt first?" Lucien tilted his head on the side and Mundy looked down at his waist. 

"Ah, uh, yeah…" 

A few moments later, both of them were standing in front of a screen. 

"Well, this is the moment where you'll see where I'm takin' you, doll." 

"Oui, it is. So? Which gate shall we go to?" 

"Forty-five." 

Lucien's eyes scanned the screen. 

"Oh… Mundy, but… Why Paris?" 

"Because I love you, and I wanna see what it's like over there."

"I…"

"C'mon, let's go." 

When they sat on the metallic, back-breaking bench at the gate, they chose a corner where they could be alone and in peace.

"Mundy, why go to Paris, honestly?" Lucien looked up at his lover. 

"Told you. I wanna see what your life was like when you were there. I mean… I know you told me you're not from there. But still… Besides, you've been livin' with me in Oz for a while, you've seen me and my life, I wanna see yours."

"I have indeed seen the Bushman in his natural habitat." Both exchanged a chuckle. 

"Look, if you don't want it, we can go back home. I don't wanna force you, baby." Mundy cast his eye around and dropped his hat on his thigh. He then slid his hand and pulled Lucien's underneath it. The Frenchman felt Mundy's thumb brush against the back of his hand.

"So, what d'you say?" Mundy asked.

"I say we go and I will show you the city where I grew up." Lucien answered. 

"You sure?" 

"We are about to board, Mundy, it is rather late to turn and go back home, non?" 

"No, not at all. If you feel awkward or anythin', we can go back home. I wanted to make it a surprise for you but the point's not for you to feel weird about it." 

"Non, Mundy, you are right. I should show you." Lucien clenched his grip on Mundy's hand. 

"You sure? I mean, are you happy to do it?"

"Delighted."

And Mundy took a second to stare in his lover’s eyes. Was he lying just to please him? To not make him feel awkward? The Aussie slightly squinted. He looked through the crystal clear irises to see the soul beyond them. Were Lucien’s lips deceiving the Aussie? Bah, it wouldn’t be the first time but… When was the last time that Lucien had lied?

Hm. 

Oh! Yeah, Mundy remembered it, it was… 

At the lake, almost exactly one year before, the wig. Lucien had worn a wig because he thought his lover could only look at him with the eyes of love when he made himself more feminine. It was obviously wrong and Mundy had tossed the long-haired lie away. That was Lucie’s last one.

Mundy blinked and his eyebrow relaxed. Lucien was not lying. He was looking up at the Aussie with eyes that screamed his limitless love for him. 

“Alright then, doll. Glad you’re happy to show me around.”

“Of course.” Lucien answered. “I am surprised by this trip but welcome it warmly. I think we should probably have done that before but I suppose we did not stop to think about it.”

“Yeah, that’s true. Got any ideas on what we should see?”

“Apart from the classics like the Tour Eiffel, the Arc de triomphe, and other tourist attractions? Hm, I shall think about it.”

“Can I ask you to show me some stuff in particular?”

“But of course. What do you have in mind?”

“Where you lived, where you worked, places you liked to eat at, that kind of thing.” 

"I will."

They exchanged a conniving smile and the call to board the plane interrupted them. 

"Ready, baby?" 

"Oui." 

"Right, let's go and queue." 

A few minutes later, both found their seats in the plane and Mundy looked through the window. The sky was blue despite the relative cold of winter. Well, once in Paris, it will be summer… The plane took off and when the couple was higher in the sky than the clouds themselves, Lucien looked up at Mundy on his left. 

“I am surprised.”

“You’d better. Been hidin’ evidence of everything.”

“How did you do it?”

“Gave the tickets and everything to my Mum.” Mundy smiled. “I even tried to not think about it. I never know with you; could turn out that you can read my thoughts or somethin’.”

Lucien chuckled. 

“I could indeed.” He confirmed with a lingering smirk on his lips. “However, I choose not to.”

“Why?”

“The Lucien of the previous life used to read minds because he needed it.”

“And now it’s just a hobby?” Mundy chuckled. 

“Almost.” Lucien answered. “Non, I value my relationship too much with you to not give you the same privacy that you give me. It is a question of respect. However, it is cute to see you try to read me to see if I lie sometimes.”

“Ah, uh, well…” Mundy scratched the back of his head. “Sorry...  I don’t want you to think that I don’t trust you…”

“Not at all. It gives me the impression that you really want to know what is going on in my head, which I appreciate.”

“Really?”

“Oui, I like this side of you, the side that wants to read all my fears in my eyes before I am fully aware of them.”

Mundy blushed. 

“Yeah, well… Sorry, can’t help it.”

“It is a gift and a blessing, thank you for being so.”

“You’re welcome, baby. But uh, Lu’?”

“Oui?”

“Why did you say you were surprised?”

“Ah…” Lucien chuckled before he even gave the answer. “I did not take you for the business class ticket kind of a man.”

“I was gonna go for the economy thing, but then Mum said that in business we’d get a booth and we wouldn’t be bothered by people givin’ us looks. So I can do this…” Mundy reached for Lucien’s hand and took it. “And no one’ll look weird at us.”

“Cutely thoughtful of you, mon loup.”

“You can thank my Mum for that.”

Both chuckled and Lucien leaned his head on Mundy's shoulder. 

“I will, but in the meantime, thank you, mon amour.”

Minutes passed that turned into hours and the sky naturally darkened. After the dinner they were handed in, the couple closed their eyes. 

“Mornin’, luv’.”

“Bonjour, mon amour.”

[Good morning, my love.]

Both yawned, woken up by the bright morning sun above the clouds. 

“Slept well?”

“I think my neck will hate me for a few hours only. What about you?”

“My legs…”

“How long do we have left until we land?”

“Uh…” Mundy checked his watch. “A few hours…?”

“Mundy.”

“Some number of hours…?”

“Mon loup.”

“Alright, ok, we got three hours left.”

“That isn’t that bad, actually.” Lucien answered, surprised.

“Yup. Oh, Lu’, I just thought about something.”

“Oui?”

“Uhm… Y’know how I told you I wanted to visit your workplace?”

“Oui, I remember.”

“How’re you gonna do it? I mean you're supposed to be dead for the Ministry back there, aren’t you?”

“Indeed, I am. You will have to call me by my second name when we get there so as not to raise suspicions.”

“But you still look like yourself. People will recognise you, won’t they?”

“Non, they will not. I was once a spy: entering places I shouldn't be while being someone I am not was my occupation for decades and not a trade easily forgotten.” Lucien raised his eyes to Mundy. “Do not worry, I will show you the Ministry.” He smiled tenderly.

“Alright, I trust you. But if you think we can’t make it or somethin’, there’s no shame in sayin’ it.”

“Non, absolutely not, you are right. But this will be easy.”

A few hours and a nap later, the pilot announced the imminent landing. Mundy looked at the city below the plane. He could see a river flowing, zigzagging through the capital. 

“C’est la Seine.”

[It is the Seine.]

“Oh…”

“Ca, c’est l’île Saint-Louis… Et ça ? tu peux me dire ce que c’est ?”

[This is the Saint-Louis Island… And this? Can you tell me what it is?]

Lucien pointed and Mundy squinted to see better. 

“It’s… Oh! C’est la Tour Eiffel, non?”

[It’s the Eiffel Tower, isn’t it?]

Mundy answered in French and Lucien looked at him as he always did, yet each time, the Aussie couldn’t help but fall slightly deeper for his lover. 

“Oui, c’est la tour Eiffel.”

[Yes, it is the Eiffel Tower.]

Lucien confirmed. 

“It’s the real thing? It’s tiny…”

Lucien’s smile vanished. 

“I beg your pardon?”

“It’s tiny! I thought it was supposed to be very tall!”

“Well, you will climb it using the stairs and I swear to God your thighs will make you regret these words!” Lucien answered and Lundy burst into laughter. 

“I’m jokin’, you sensitive, patriotic old baby…”

“Hm, joking now, aren’t you…? I will still make you climb to the top of it on the stairs.”

“How many steps is it to the top, d’you know?”

“One thousand six hundred and sixty-five. It takes between half an hour and forty-five minutes to climb it to the second floor which is not even the top.”

“You're pulling that out of your arse, aren’t you?”

“You shall see….!” Lucien leaned back on his seat with a smug smile on his lips. 

“Hm… Hold on, we aren’t gettin’ closer to the ground, the Eiffel Tower’s still tiny…”

“It is because it is forbidden to fly over Paris.”

“Are you serious?”

“Oui, I am, it has been so since the Second World War, if I remember correctly.”

“Woah… You guys know no Germans are gonna come and bully you again, don’t you?”

“We know. But we would rather keep our sky blue and free of planes.” Lucien answered. 

“Fair enough. Makes it more calm I guess."

When the plane landed and both made it through, Mundy held Lucien back in front of the airport's closed doors. 

"Hold on, before we step into actual Paris…"

"Oui?"

"I love you, Lu'." 

Lucien smiled. 

"I love you too."

"Alright, now, we can go." 

They took a step more and the doors slid open. The first rays on the Parisian summer sun hit their skin warmly and the lightest of breezes grazed their cheeks before rolling up to the sky. 

“Here we are then, eh? Paris.” Mundy said looking around him.

“We are outside of the city itself but I guess you booked a hotel inside?” Lucien asked.

“Actually, I didn’t.”

“Oh?” Lucien raised surprised eyebrows. 

“I was kind of counting on you to know where to go…?” Mundy admitted with a half ashamed smile.

“Oh, of course. I have recommendations.”

“You choose then, Lu’. I looked up the hotels and stuff but there were too many of them and I didn’t know which one to pick.”

“It is fine, let us call a taxi, I know where we should go.” Lucien smiled.

“Thanks, Lu’.”

“My pleasure.”

After half an hour inside a taxi, both stepped out in front of a hotel and Lucien waited for the car to disappear behind him. 

“Welcome to the Ritz.” Lucien said and Mundy looked up to take the large three-floor building in. The architecture was nothing like he had seen so far. At the end of a flight of stairs hidden by a red carpet, the doors stood wide and tall between spiral-trimmed slim plants and equally fancy dressed porters. A French flag was flying above the double door that put a slight proud smile on Lucien’s lips. The walls were all made out of light beige stone and on each floor, rectangular windows were neatly and equally spaced. On the first floor were slim balconies adorned with a golden plated logo of the hotel. As Mundy’s eyes followed the column of clean stones, jumping from one window to the one above, he noticed that high up, the roof was covered in dark slate with windows surrounded by smoothly moulded, light beige stone.

“Gosh…”

“Come on, we both need a shower at least.” Lucien smiled at how absorbed Mundy was by the looks of the building. 

The couple decided to take a few days of rest and let the jet-lag fade away slowly. They had their clothes bought and delivered to them at the hotel and enjoyed their meals either in their suite or in the restaurant downstairs. 

“What did you say the room we’re in was called?”

Lucien chuckled. 

“It is not a room, but a suite, mon amour, and it is called the Coco Chanel suite.”

“Funny name…”

“It is the name of a prestigious designer. She designed the room herself.”

“She was French?”

“Oui, she was.”

“Ah, guess it makes sense… How much is it per night?”

“A price that pales next to that of your company.” Lucien poetically answered. 

“Thanks, Lu, but I meant in Francs?”

“About a hundred…”

“Oh that’s quite cheap for a suite.”

“... Thousand Francs per night.”

“WHAT?!” Mundy almost spat his coffee out.

Lucien burst out laughing, catching his breath in the short little snorts that Mundy fell in love with. 

The next couple of days were spent visiting all the tourist-heavy places: the Eiffel Tower, the cathedral of Notre-Dame, the Palace of Versailles… Mundy saw more paintings and sculptures in those few days than he did in his entire life.

“Stop.” 

Lucien’s voice was firm, too firm and cold to be addressing Mundy. The Aussie turned and saw Lucien with his hand on a young man's wrist. 

“Hold on, that’s my wallet in your hand…!” Mundy snatched it back from the stranger's hand. 

“La prochaine fois que tu pick-pocket quelqu’un, choisis mieux ta cible et ne regarde pas autant que ça à droite et à gauche, on te voit venir à des kilomètres.”

[Next time you pickpocket someone, choose your target more carefully and don’t look so much left and right, you are telegraphing all your moves.] 

The young man opened wide eyes and as soon as Lucien released his wrist, he darted off. 

“Attends.”

He stopped and turned to Lucien, a few metres away from him. 

“Tiens. Et tu n’es pas mauvais, tu devrais en faire quelque chose.”

[Here. And you are not bad, you should do something out of it.]

Lucien handed him a note. The young man took it and left. 

“You gave him money?” Mundy asked. 

“Oui.” Lucien resumed his walk and Mundy followed him. 

“Why?”

“Because stealing is rarely a hobby. If one does it, it is out of necessity. Throwing  this young man in a cell will not help him at all. On the other hand, helping him such should.”

Mundy fell silent for a moment. 

“Besides,” Lucien started speaking again. “I was once this young man, only I never got caught.”

The next day, the couple woke up normally. Good, the jet-lag had finally passed. 

“Mundy?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you want to visit the ministry today?”

The half woken up Australian opened wide eyes in a flash. 

“Sure. Uhm, how are we gonna do this?”

“I have an idea. But I need to call Maurice first. You go and take a shower, I will telephone him and will let you know.”

“Alright.”

A couple of hours later, both men stood in front of an elegant building in the heart of the fifth district of Paris, or as Mundy liked to call it ‘the fancy one”. 

“Shall we?” Lucien asked. 

“I’d follow you but ho ‘re we gonna go through these soldiers?”

Two military looking people were guarding the entry and checking everyones credentials. 

“As easy as just follow me.” Lucien answered with a smile before he took the flight of stairs up and met with the soldiers. 

“Bonjour, Messieurs. Nous venons de la part de Maurice de Ronzières, en Australie.”

[Good morning gentlemen. We come on behalf of Maurice de Ronzières, in Australia.]

“Je dois vérifier.”

[I must check.]

“Faites donc.”

[Pray do.]

Both men waited at the door and when the guard came back to them, he let them in. 

“Gosh, Lu’ - I mean, Louis… We’re in…”

“Oui, welcome to a place that they redecorated and I barely recognise…” Lucien shook his head disappointedly as he held his hips.

“That means we can’t visit it cause you don’t know where stuff is anymore?”

“Non, non.”

“Then why d’you look uh… not happy with it?”

“Because they redecorated and made it is ugly!” Lucien raised his arms in the air before letting them drop again. “Had I been still alive, I would have given the Minister of Defense a piece of my mind…!”

“Hold on…!” Mundy caught up with his lover and walked through the corridors. 

They abruptly stopped walking in front of a small door hidden under the stairs, on which Lucien gave a few knocks. 

“Qui est-ce?”  A muffled, old man’s voice asked.

[Who is it?]

“C’est moi.” Lucien answered and the door opened.

[It’s me.]

“Grand Dieu, Maurice a dit vrai…!”

[Good Lord, Maurice spoke the truth…!]

A short, skinny, old man emerged from what Mundy understood was the broom closet. He had lost most of his hair on his head and wore round, thick glasses.

“Comment allez vous, Georges?” Lucien opened his arms and the old man took a step forward and hugged him.

[How are you, Georges?]

"Ça doit faire une éternité! Les cheveux gris vous changent, Louis, mais je vous reconnais bien.”

[It must have been an eternity since last time. Grey hair makes you look so different, Louis, but I still recognise you.]

“Parlez-vous un peu d’anglais?”

[Do you happen to speak a bit of English?]

“Oh, j’ai les rudiments, à force d’entendre tout ce qui se passe…!”

[Oh, I learnt the basics on the fly here, as I’m forced to hear bits here and there…!]

“Then,” Lucien naturally switched to English. “Please meet my husband, Mundy.”

Mundy blushed beyond his ears. It was so uncommon for Lucien to introduce him as his husband straight away. 

“And Mundy, please meet Georges, the ultimate spy.”

“Nice to meet you.” Mundy extended his hand and the old man shook it with a smile. 

“Does he understand French?” Georges asked, his accent so thick that next to him, Lucien sounded like a native…!

“Bits, oui, I have been teaching him.” Lucien answered. 

“Then, mes félicitations, mon garçon!”

[Congratulations, my boy!]

“Oh, uh, thanks… But how are you the ultimate spy?” Mundy asked. 

“We can chat as we walk, boys, come on, follow me!” The old man pulled a trolley of rags, dusters and all kinds of cleaning products out of the closet before he started pushing it. Lucien and Mundy followed him. 

“Georges here is responsible for the cleanliness of everything you see. He also happens to have the keys to every room in this building apart from a very select few of them. And all of that makes Georges the best guide to this place." Lucien explained as the trio walked through the corridor. 

The old man pushed his trolley through the corridors, making sure to take all the stair cases that nobody usually takes. 

"And I forgot to say," Lucien added through Georges' explanation of the rooms and corridors. "This man here is invisible to everyone meaning that if we stick to him, we become invisible too." 

"And so you don't break your cover… Ah, I get it…" Mundy nodded to himself. 

"Georges, could you take us to the portrait room, please?" 

"Yes, I can. They didn't move it cause they say history can't be changed." The old man answered, the keys jiggling from his belt loop.

"Ah, perfect." 

Georges took a second to unlock the door and push it open. 

"You have ten minutes, fifteen tops, before my colleague comes here to dust everything off. I'll try and buy you some time but he's young and finds I talk too much so he usually just leaves me alone to do his job. Counting on you, boys, be careful with the time!"

"We will be. Merci infiniment, Georges." 

[Thank you infinitely, Georges.]

"Avec plaisir." 

[My pleasure.]

Both men entered and Lucien shut the large, wooden double doors after them.

“Wow, what’s this place? Who’re these people?” Mundy said as he found himself in a room surrounded by painted or printed portraits. The oldest were black and white engravings while the most recent ones were coloured.

“This is the portrait room. It contains the photograph, painting or engraving of every man who made a decisive contribution to the establishment or security of this country.” Lucien explained. “Please, do have a look.”

Mundy started walking in what felt more like an art gallery than a room. He admired the faces, sometimes commenting on the military attire or the old style moustaches and beards. Lucien tried his best to recall the bits of history he knew about those important figures of the country, mentioning a few anecdotes when his memory allowed him to. 

“Golden frames for everyone, eh? That’s fancy as all hell…” Mundy said. 

“Indeed it is.” Lucien answered. “I am told that nowadays, when young spies finish their training, they are brought here and come out of this room with the hope that one day, their face will be on thiese walls.”

“Yeah, I can get the enthusiasm.” Mundy said. “Oh, Lu’... Hold on… Is that…?” Munddy squinted in front of a photograph and took a step forward. His eyes zigzagged on that of the man with light eyes and coal black hair. “Bloody hell, isn’t that you?!”

Lucien chuckled. 

“Guilty as charged.” The Frenchman said. 

“How old were you on this? You look half the age of the others!”

“I started my career early and abruptly. Some would say I even started without knowing it myself. But to answer your question, I was in my early twenties in this picture.”

“Bloody hell… You look like an angel back then already.”

Lucien smiled. 

“Merci.”

“What did you do to get your face up there?”

“I helped in the Résistance to free France from the Germans. I started as a courier boy, delivering messages until I grew up and understood that my, ahem, ease to approach women could be an asset for the country. Countless Nazi were caught through their wives and their mysterious lover.”

“You…?”

“Mh-hm, me. I broke a lot of German hearts back then, even before France’s liberation.” Lucien chuckled.

“Wow… Id love to take a picture of it.”

“We could take it back, if you want.”

“What?! You wanna steal it?!”

“It is my face and I am dead. I can claim it back.” Lucien shrugged.

“Hm.” Mundy fell deep in thought. “You know what?”

“Mh?”

“Leave it there.”

“You have changed your mind?”

“Yeah, leave it there for folks to look up at you and remember you. You changed my life, yeah, but you also changed an entire country before that. Let them have a souvenir.”

Lucien smiled. 

“Very well, mon loup.”

The next day, the couple woke up with the first rays of light, wrapped in the satin sheet of the Coco Chanel suite at the Ritz.

“Lu’?”

“Oui?”

“Uhm, there’s somewhere I wanna take you today.”

“Oh?” Lucien’s surprise was obvious. Mundy wanted to take him somewhere? Where? Why? And above all, how? The Aussie had spent the past week or so following his lover blindly and complaining that he did not know how Lucien could know where he was going. “Sure, when do you want to go?”

“This evenin’, if that’s fine with you too. We can go have dinner somewhere and then we’ll go?”

“Perfect for me, Mundy.”

And for the entire day, Lucien kept on thinking about it. Where would Mundy take him…? Until of course it was time to go. He followed his tall lover through the streets. The Aussie stopped only a few times to check his map and make sure they were heading in the right direction. 

“Alright, should be after this street.”

They stopped when they reached beautiful dark blue, wrought-iron gates. 

“A park? You wanted to take me to a park?”

“I uh… I don't think it’s any odd park.” Mundy answered and Lucien frowned. They both entered and wandered inside, following the yellow narrow roads. 

“Why did you want to bring me here, Mundy?”

“I think you guessed why.” Mundy answered. “You know we’re not in any park.”

“Indeed, I do, so why here?”

“Because it’s part of you and it’s important.” Mundy answered before he stopped walking. “Now, you gotta guide me.”

Lucien took a deep breath and let it all out in a long sigh. 

“Très bien.” He started walking and it took a few minutes of silence before they reached their destination, under a tree. 

“Is it here?” Mundy asked. 

“Oui, it should be.”

“Gimme your blade.”

Lucien took it from his inner pocket and passed it to Mundy who went down to sit on his knees and started digging. The Frenchman waited, his arms wrapped around himself. He felt slightly cold even though the day had been scorching hot and he evening was still warm. 

“Here we go...!” Mundy unearthed a small tin box. “Let’s go back to the hotel.” He stood up and dusted his knees off before both him and Lucien headed back. 

When they were in their suite and alone, Mundy headed for the bathroom. He cleaned the box of all the soil on it and brought it back to the living-room on a towel. Lucien had been sitting on the sofa, his stare blank. 

“You alright?”

“Oui,” He shook his head as if to land back into reality. “I was just lost in thought.”

“C’mon, ask me.” Mundy said and Lucien sighed. 

“Why did you do this?”

“Because you told me that everythin’ that was you before was in a box, that you had buried it in a park in Paris as the rain was pouring down in the middle of the night. You told me that it has all sorts of things like pictures of you, maybe even of your family and everythin’.” 

Mundy took a deep breath and took Lucien’s hand in his. 

“It’s been one year of you and me bein’ a solid thing and it’s been even longer of us just spendin’ all our time together, and even longer of me lovin’ you to bits.” Lucien blushed at the last part and smiled shyly. “And today, it’s been exactly one year of us being a thing. I put a ring on your finger and you put one on mine one year ago exactly. I just… I don’t wanna make you feel bad at all, I love you, I just wanna see your life from before and beyond that, I want you to be at peace with what you were before.”

“Hm.”

“I don’t care what you were, I just want you to accept whatever's in that box as a part of you. It doesn’t need to be buried down in the ground, it shouldn’t be there. It should be with us, with our pictures and memories.”

Lucien had sat silently through his lover’s speech. 

“You understand, baby doll?”

Lucien raised his eyes to his lover. 

“You are right, Mundy.” He took the box and put it on his lap before gently opening it. “This is the only photo album I have ever bought in my life, before we got ours. The oldest pictures are of my parents, then me as a baby and a young boy. The next picture is when I was officially made a spy, after the end of the Second World War, during which I served in the Résistance.”

He flipped the pages and pointed for Mundy to follow.

“Wow, you were already gorgeous back then.”

“Thank you.” 

The Aussie wrapped an arm around his lover to pull him close and Lucien leaned on him.

“Mundy?”

“Yeah?”

“How did you know which hpark it was?” Lucien asked. “I don’t think I mentioned the name of it.”

“I asked Maurice for the park where we could spend some quality time that would mean something for you.”

“Ah, I see.” Lucien turned the page. “This is the few pictures of Marie and Jérémy that I have.”

“She was real pretty.”

“Oui, she was.” Lucien smiled at the pictures. 

“And Jeremy kind of looked like you a bit, I mean, his hair’s lighter than yours but…”

“He was born blond like the sun.” Lucien said. “His hair darkened as he grew up and was dirty blond before he passed.”

“Oh, I see.”

“This is us, all together.”

“Look at you bein’ a dad… You look so comfy handlin’ the baby. I’m always scared when I’m handed a kid. Always scared to drop them or hurt them or somethin.”

Lucien smiled with nostalgia.

“You should not. They are indeed very fragile but you are very strong.” He turned his head and pushed his lips on Mundy’s. 

“Thanks, luv’.”

“Thank you.” Lucien put the photo album aside. 

“There’s more stuff in the box?”

“Oui. Here, this was my first ever blade.”

“Oh, you kept it?”

“Oui, as a souvenir. When I was in the Résistance, I never thought that doing what I was doing would turn me into a spy, get me a job and a life that is reasonably put together. I just did it because I could and I was told I had a gift for it.”

“And you went on to become the best spook ever.” Mundy said, recalling the portrait at the Ministry.

“Something like that.” Lucien smiled. “Here, this is all black and old, but it used to be silver and shining bright.” He handed a thin, yet very old string of metal to Mundy. 

“It’s a bracelet?”

“It bears my name on it. It is a common gift that young children are offered here. I kept mine because it reminded me of my mother, whom I loved beyond everything else. Oh and this is a very old and worn out thing now, but I used to wear it to cover my mouth and nose, for people to not recognise me when I worked to liberate France.”

“It’s a black bandana?”

“It used to be Burgundy red.”

“We could give a polish to your bracelet and a good wash to your bandana. I’m not good with clothes but I’m sure there’s ways to bring it back to life.”

“I think so, oui. Ah, there it is… Although it is broken, this used to be the bracelet that I offered to Marie, when we first started to meet each other regularly.”

“It’s a pearl bracelet?”

“Oui, I have always liked pearls on women, I think it might be because my mother used to have a pearl necklace that she treasured more than anything else. It was a gift from my father. I remember as a child, I one day found it as I was prying into whatever I could lay my hands on in the house and she told me off for touching it.”

“Oh, wow…”

“Wow indeed.” 

Mundy took a second to look at the way Lucien was looking at his belongings from another life. His eyes were almost dreamy and his gaze, very soft, filled with nostalgia and bittersweetness. And soon, the smile widened and it was not an awkward listing of antics but objects that threw the Frenchman’s mind back when pictures were only black and white, when uniforms were compulsory at school, when with a Franc, you could buy a mountain…

“Oh, I am enjoying this actually, Mundy.” Lucien raised his eyes to his lover. “Thank you so much, mon chéri.”

[My darling.]

“You're welcome. See? It’s better to acknowledge everythin’ and even if it's bad things or mistakes that you can only blame yourself for, so be it. The only way to repent I guess, is to not make those mistakes again.”

“You speak truth and wisdom. May God keep you by my side for as long as we want.”

“Amen, baby.”

“Thank you for… Well… Half-forcing me to do this. I realise that I should have done it long ago.”

“How d’you feel?” Mundy asked. 

“Better, lighter in a way.” Lucien wiped a silent tear. 

“Hey, you sure you good?”

“Oui, it is not tears of sadness. It is… The intensity of all this. Finding myself in the Ritz again, but this time, not on duty, not for business, just for our enjoyment, the breakfasts, lunches and dinners here now taste so much more flavourful, I never realised that their food was exquisite. I knew it but I never felt it as much as I have in these past few days. And the outings with you, seeing the sights, guiding you through Paris, telling you her story. It is better than a dream come true.”

Mundy smiled compassionately.

“Lu’?”

“Oui.”

“Happy first anniversary.”

“Oh…” The Frenchman dived head first into his lover’s chest and let the tears run down his face. 

“It’s ok, Lu’, I’m here.”

“This is why you wanted to take me to Paris?” Lucien pulled himself out of his lover's embrace.

“Yeah, for our anniversary.”

“Je t’aime, Mundy.”

[I love you, Mundy.]

Lucien took his handkerchief out and wiped his face. 

“Je t’aime aussi, mon Lucien.”

[I love you too, my Lucien.]

[rachelsheart]

DIAL 111: HOW TO WORK WITH YOUR SPIRIT GUIDES

BY: RUBY WARRINGTON ·

Do you know how to work with your spirit guides? Ruby Warrington gets a lesson in life’s celestial helpers from spirit-guide-whisperer Rebecca Campbell…

There follows a lesson in how to work with your spirit guides by Rebecca Campbell. Read more at Thenuminous.net

Inviting them into your dreams is one way to work with your spirit guides…

It happens fairly often among my Numinous circles that somebody will casually drop into the conversation that they’ve been working with their “spirit guides.” At which point I’ll nod and be like, “that’s rad, dude” – because, conceptually, I’m totally down with the idea that there are benevolent Universal forces working on our behalf all the time, and that we get to choose how and when we interact with them. That’s called “creating your own reality,” right?

But then I meet Rebecca Campbell, an Aussie author, mystic, coach, and co-founder of The Spirited Project, who insists that our guides are actually more like real entities – angels, I guess – who are just kind of hanging out, polishing their wings, until we call them into action. Learn to work with them, and they can offer assistance in every area of life – in fact; “no request is too big or too small, too specific or too broad,” she says.

It’s a pretty out there idea, even for me. And I (obviously) embrace a LOT of out there ideas. But I LOVE the concept (I’m already picturing my guides like a kind of spiritual Spice Girls, with the dance routines and everything), and so I asked Rebecca for the full low down. Here’s what she had to say…

Your guides – kind of like spiritual Spice Girls?

So does every individual on the planet have their own spirit guides?

Yep, everyone has their very own team of spirit guides who are completely devoted to their growth. I like to think of them as a group of amazing cosmic beings who have our back no matter what. But because of free will, in order to receive their support, first we need to ask. Asking is super simple (like, you can do it right now).

For general guidance:

“Hey spirit guides…I am open to receiving your loving guidance in all areas of my life. Thank you, and so it is.”

For more specific guidance:

“Hey spirit guides…I am open to receiving your guidance surrounding (insert specific request here). Thank you for guiding and supporting me.”

The thing about spirit guides is that they’re always there – we just don’t notice them. When you’re devastated by a terrible break up, they’re there. When you’re looking for a spot to park your car, they’re there. If you’re trying to make a difficult decision, they’re there. They’re by your side right now. What do you want their help with right now? Go on, ask them right now!

Okay, but first I need to know how they actually do their work?

Our spirit guides work with us through signs, people, nature, synchronistic events and our intuitive senses (inner seeing, inner knowing, inner hearing and inner feeling).

So the best way to start working with your spirit guides is to ask them for a sign. When I first started working with my guides I asked them to send me a light peach feather to prove to me that they were really there. Within half an hour I had received two peach feathers, which was pretty amazing – and what I needed to open my mind and heart up to noticing the support they could offer me. (nb: I tried this last night by asking for a blue crystal – nothing yet. I’ll keep you posted. Update: two hours later I was working out and found a mini crustal on the studio floor – but it was mauve. Close!)

The more you work with your spirit guides, the stronger the connection gets. It’s just like working out – you can’t expect to have a six-pack like J-Lo if you only do one sit up.

Okay, so is there one team of spirit guides working for us all, or are they individual for each person?

Everyone has their own team of spirit guides, which are assigned just to them. We are born with spirit guides and also recruit them as we go about our life.

I find that most people have around six spirit guides in their “inner circle.” These are the guides who are completely unique to us. Some spirit guides have had lifetimes here on earth (often appearing as “people” e.g. an American Indian teacher, a Tibetan monk, an inspirational business leader etc.) – while others may just appear as beings of light.

I believe that our purpose on Earth is twofold:

1. Evolve as a soul (learning, growing and raising our vibration)

2. Be the light (light up the world by following what lights us up)

Our spirit guides are assigned to us to help us do both these things. The more we allow and receive their guidance and support, the easier our path becomes.

Accept their support, and move forward more smoothly on your journey

I like the idea of us being “assigned” out guides at birth – how does this happen?

Your soul recruits your spirit guides based on your unique soul calling and the path you are here to walk. Your guides are perfectly suited to your highest calling, and waiting to guide you as much or as little as you wish. No matter what you’re facing, their presence means you always have the support around you to make it through.

I believe that we are born with one main guide (also known as a Guardian Angel) who stays with us throughout our lives – and by the age of 18-25 most people have recruited their spirit guide “posse.”

We can recruit more guides as needed though. For example, while writing my book Light Is The New Black I recruited two light beings and a new teacher guide to help me – in exactly the same way as I used to call on famous ad men to help me present my creative ideas in a way that would most resonate with the client when I worked in advertising.

What if I’m still having a hard time getting my head around the concept…

What holds most people back from developing a relationship with their spirit guides is their need for hard core visual “proof” that they exist. For a long time, I was waiting for my spirit guides to ring my doorbell and chat to me over a bottle of vino (clearly that never happened).

I wanted to know their hair color, their favorite movies and where they grew up. But the moment I Iet go of any need for them to appear in a certain way and just opened myself up to the possibility and trusted, the more my relationship with my guides grew and the more evidence of their presence I received in other ways.

Everyone’s experience with their spirit guides is personal, and because they work in the subtle realms, it takes practice to sense them. We are all six sensory beings, but we need to work our intuitive muscles each day to strengthen our intuitive connection with them.

Most people experience their guides through their predominant intuitive sense: Clairvoyant (clear seeing), Clairaudient (clear hearing), Clairsentient (clear feeling) and Claircognizant (clear knowing).

Can you give us some tips to start working with them on a regular basis then?

1. Start asking them for guidance…right now

2. Thank them for guiding you – they love a bit of positive reinforcement!

3. Ask them to send you a sign (e.g. a feather, a butterfly, elephants…whatever you fancy)

4. Keep a little notebook by your bed, and jot down any experience you might have had with them and any signs you spotted throughout the day. The more your book fills up, the more you will notice their support

5. Before you go to sleep ask your spirit guides to come to you in your dreams. The moment you wake up, note down any experiences you may have had with them

“She’s behind you…” Your spirit guides have always got your back

I’m almost convinced – can you share any amazing experiences you’ve had working with your guides?

These days I speak to my spirit guides every day – but my favorite story of working with my guides happened earlier this year, when I handed in my book proposal to Hay House (twice) but hadn’t heard anything.

One of my spirit guides is a woman (spirit) named Charlotte. Charlotte appears as a terribly English high society lady from the 1920’s who wears big dresses, hats and gloves. A gifted gossip, with her fingers in all the most influential pies, Charlotte is here to help me get my message out there and the name spoken about in the right circles. Knowing that getting some publicity might increase my chances of being published, I called on Charlotte for help and then surrendered it.

That same day I was connected with a journalist – and one week later she was commissioned to write a story, “Like a Prayer”, for the UK’s Sunday Times Style Mag (which also happened to feature the who’s who of Hay House authors, as well as The Numinous).Two weeks later, I got the phone call from Hay House offering me a deal!

When I went into Hay House to meet the team for the first time, the Publicity Officer mentioned that she’d seen the Sunday Times article and asked who my publicist was. Without thinking I responded “my spirit guide Charlotte!” Now, I’ve sat around a lot of boardroom tables in my life, but that was the first one that I was able to casually drop the name of one of my spirit guides and credit them for their work. I love it!

Ruby Warrington

RUBY WARRINGTON

MY MANTRA: Believing is Healing. MY MISSION: To help create a world where everybody gets to feel whole. // MY STYLE: Rock 'n' roll yogi fashionista. 99% recycled and vintage. // MY SIGN: Aries Sun, Sagittarius Rising, Cancer Moon. // MY HEALING: Time with friends, time alone, time offline, getting Sober Curious, and being f*cking real with myself!

Rachel's Heart

[mod2amaryllis]

I'm sure you've received this question a hundred times but do you have some tips for training a deaf puppy? Thank you and sorry to bother you

OK YEAH SO definitely don’t consider training to be an area of expertise but Goose turned out decent so here are some things:

first thing: make sure you’re prioritizing just like, approaching it as A Puppy, and puppies are hard as a baseline. find a class to join for basics if your dog does well in a class setting (my area had a free puppy class option that worked great for Goose, look into it, but I DO think this is something worth spending money on if you have to). then my most recommended puppy literature is: Social, Civil, and Savvy: Training & Socializing Puppies to Become the Best Possible Dogs. it’s almost impossible for me to pay attention to nonfiction books and a lot of dog training books are really crunchy technical, but this book is super short, lots of pictures, big text, straightforward. I had an easy time absorbing it and the stuff works. awesome awesome training guide. also a good podcast is Drinking From the Toilet, which has had specific puppy and deaf training eps

AND BLANKET STATEMENT: socializing is just in general the most important thing for a puppy. like exposing them to new things. expose them to all types of people, all types of animals, all types of situations, all types of floors rooms buildings grass discomforts yadda yadda yadda this is JUST as important for a deaf puppy. blanket ass statement.

NOW FOR SOME DEAF DOG SPECIFIC STUFF

general stuff before I share personal observations: resources I turned to the most were probably Deaf Dogs Rock (awesome equipment recs, so many anecdotes from owners w/ specific advice) and Keller’s Cause (neat little training videos)

ok now personal experience

in the context of training it was helpful for me to think of deafness more as just another attribute as opposed to a disability. like how being a mini aussie makes her creepy-smart, being deaf makes her: not hear (obviously), highly observant, potentially more confident in situations that might intimidate hearing dogs, easily startled, dependent on passive training as opposed to command training. basically it’s not a hurdle. it forces you to be creative and work within her attributes. just like with literally any other dog.

obviously you will use signing. I don’t use ASL, I come up with whatever is intuitive for Goose and me. early training feels like you need 3 hands cuz you’re giving treats, you’re signaling “good job,” you’re signing commands, you’re maybe holding a leash, it’s a lot. so my signs had to be with 1 hand, they had to be intuitive, they had to be distinct from one another to avoid confusion. a few examples: SIT is a closed fist (I feel like most people already do this with their dogs); TOUCH is two fingers offered; LAY DOWN is those two fingers being lowered to the floor; SPEAK is a hand being opened rapidly. I have more but you get the picture. I actually have a notebook where I’d doodle commands as I went cuz I was literally just flying by the seat of my pants lmao

passive training has been clutch. this is kennel training, car training, leash training, basically establishing her life routine (idk if it’s actually called passive training??? i’m sure it all falls under “”””socializing”””” but that’s such a huge umbrella). these areas can be difficult to settle into but they really are essential. I don’t have car advice cuz my dogs drive w/ me to work every day and are fine so IDK WHOOPS but:

leash training: with goose being deaf it was weird because the trainer I worked with was heavily reliant on voice commands. so I put a LOT of time into the loose-leash game, which is walking on a leash in the house, and every few steps, you give the dog a treat AT YOUR SIDE. like hold your hand right by your leg. basically the idea is to teach your dog it’s cool and fun to stay by your side and check in with you every now and then. Goose still pulls on her leash but in a manageable way, and she knows to check back with me. also definitely rec a halter. this one’s my favorite.

kennel/sleep training (gonna spend a lot of time on this one cuz it was/is the worst thing about Goose): listen. this one will be hard. this one’s gonna suck. you will be SO tempted to just let them in your bed but you really, REALLY should not. letting them in the bed can foster separation anxiety especially with a deaf dog who’s probably gonna become your shadow. kennels instill confidence by giving a dog their own space, and if ever there’s an emergency when they need to go in the kennel, it’ll help them feel safe. like there’s so many reasons to kennel train. you gotta do it.

so...as a baby, Goose like almost killed me with sleep deprivation. we initially didn’t think we’d keep her (haha hubris) so she slept out of the bedroom. And Screamed. the ultimate solution was bringing her kennel in the bedroom next to Joanie’s kennel, and we’re pretty sure the reason that solved it is because she could wake up and SEE that there was another dog there. now she loves her kennel. shoots in there every night demanding her pb kong. BUT YEAH LISTEN if you DON’T HAVE some comforting visual/kinetic reassurance there, this could be a problem for a deaf puppy. AND. AND. the problem hasn’t gone away completely. Goose wakes us up at 5:30 am every single morning and probably will for the rest of her life because THAT is her routine and she is immune to our angry tired yelling. the simple act of us going to her kennel reinforces the behavior. we’re not jerks about it cuz we love her and understand how dog brains work. This Could Happen To You. Heads Up.

POSSIBLE SOLUTIONS: big sister dog like Joanie, worked for us; a floor fan creating vibrations, seemed to help her as a very young kiddo; being at least IN VIEW of you sleeping, like having the kennel riiiiight next to the bed, even within arm’s reach so you can reassure the puppy you’re still there. just...both in personal experience and in my research, I saw it a lot that sleeping is a big issue. cuz they can’t hear you, it’s dark, they don’t know if you’re still there, and committing to STILL attempting kennel training is the harder thing to do, but I really, really encourage you to try.

WOW. ok. fuck off I typed way more than I meant to. wanna hear some funny stuff?

Goose follows us around everywhere. she simply must know what’s goin on. we have beds stationed at every visual corner of the house, like sentry posts, so whatever room we’re in there’s a comfy place for her to sit where she can see us and she takes advantage of it. like she could be sleeping in one room and I’ll get up to brush my teeth, suddenly look down and she’s just teleported already asleep in the nearest bed to me.

sometimes Goose knocks on the door to come inside, and I’ll go to the door to let her in, and at literally the nanosecond before I open the door she dog-shrugs and turns and trots away and there’s nothing I can do. can’t call out to her. I’m bamboozled.

she is so fucking loud. I remember when she was a baby and my sis in law was like “wow so I bet she’s quieter than normal dogs huh” and I laughed like no actually she sounds like a rubber chicken going for that 4 chair turn on the voice, at ALL times.

sometimes I’ll do the speak command and she’ll do this huge windup, like big breath, eyes wide, and then release what is essentially a very little hiccup. but i still have to give her the treat. she doesn’t know the difference, not really.

always delighted to be woken up by you, wiggles her feet and starts licking her lips and looking up at you like “!!!! hello!!! omg!!! wow!!! a delight!!!”

doesn’t know the cats don’t like her. will trot up to Frisk and give what is in her mind a very polite little kiss on her nose before trotting away, oblivious to the offended growl she’s just elicited.

MUST BE PET. HOW ELSE WILL SHE KNOW SHE IS LOVED. MUST BE PET AT ALL TIMES NOW EVERYWHERE PLEASE.

...

realizing i could write a book about how much i love this deaf fucker

[timeandspacenovelist]

Wargames Worries

Set before and after Wargames 2020.

The sweet but peaceful tones of “A Whole New World” filled the air with a relaxing atmosphere as Candice LeRae hummed along. She just taken out a nice turkey (it was a week after Thanksgiving, allow her) and she set it alongside the other lovely dishes on offer. Today was planning day for WarGames and in addition to going into war with these ladies, she also got on decently well with them. She and Dakota had patched things up after their falling out last year and Raquel seemed alright. Toni and she had met a few times over the past two years or so and she liked her, so that’s good as well. So in order to make this day as good as it could be, alongside the turkey there was a lobster, some Texas ribs and some snacks imported from New Zealand. Now all that was needed was for the guests to arrive. She checked the clock, 3:00pm. Johnny had his game to watch, so he would be occupied. She didn’t want him blabbing about anything unintentionally. She had to outright click delete on a tweet that he was about to send that was gonna reveal Indi as Ghostface before the time called for it. She loved him so much, but honestly, he frustrated her sometimes. She took a few cleansing breaths as she thought about the day ahead.

“Ok, first time planning as WarGames captain. Everything’s gonna be fine. I’m in control. Rhea did it last year, what’s the worse that can happen?” she said to herself. Maybe it was gonna be a good day. Then the doorbell rang.

She opened the door to three smiling faces who no doubt got a whiff of the food as they almost bulldozed past her. She was glad that part was a success, at least.

“So how are you guys doing?” she asked, trying to start off the get together on a friendly note.

“Well, Raquel and I just finished working out and Toni.. What did you say you were doing again?” Dakota stated and then asked.

“Mmmm? Oh, I was getting some new gear,” Toni said, her mouth full with lobster, “I’m really sorry Candice but I hadn’t eaten today and it looked so nice.”

“That’s fine Toni. It was for you anyway.” Candice said, a smile appearing on her face because of the Australian’s love for the food. She hadn’t quite gotten a chance to ask Toni exactly why she liked lobster so much, but one day she’ll tell her.

“Where’s Johnny?” Raquel asked, the Latina taking Toni’s initiative and digging into the turkey.

“In the bedroom, watching the game.”

“Don’t you two usually watch together?”

“Yes, but today, we’ve got something important to do.” The captain of Team Candice and the namesake, (Dakota suggested Task Force X but was rejected), then went over to the couch and picked up her iPad. She flicked through a few unneeded pictures (she didn’t know why she had a picture of Pawdme’s paw) before settling on the picture of the plans she spent last night drawing up.

“I figured since we’re up against some tough competition, we’d best prepare as well as we can. No four on 1 attacks this time.” That was slightly disappointing to her as they had enjoyed the use of the numbers game a lot over the past few weeks, but this time, they had to go toe to toe.

“Umm, Candice?” Dakota said, her hand raised in the air like a diligent student.

“Dakota, you don’t actually have to put your hand up.” Candice said with a soft smile.

“Ah, sorry. Force of habit,” the Kiwi said, blushing slightly in her embarrassment, “who’s gonna be the first one going into the cages?” It was a valid question. They had unexpectedly lost the advantage match so they would have to enter first. The person who went in first usually would be the one to set the pace and hang on, Candice herself knowing that personally.

“Well, I was gonna suggest that....” The sentence wasn’t completed as the trio were startled by the shout of Dakota who’s shocked face melted into a warm wide grin as she realized the mysterious person who touched her was Pawdme. The captain of Team Kick sunk to her feet and began to play with the Garganos’ dog, rubbing her belly and giving her high fives.

“Dakota, are you gonna listen to what I’m saying, or are you gonna play with Pawdme?” Candice sighed and asked, already knowing the answer. Every time she came over, this always happens.

“Yeah, yeah, sure.” she responded, clearly distracted by the rather cute pup.

Candice just shook her head and turned her attention to Toni and Raquel. Toni was, albeit still, paying a lot of attention to her lobster, but she was at least listening. “So, Raquel, I think you should enter the ring second. That way you can help clean up any messes we might have dealing with two of Team Shotzi’s members.”

“I got you Cap,” Raquel said, before she was interrupted by the throat clearing of one Dakota Kai. “sorry, other cap.” Dakota nodded her head and continued playing with Pawdme. Raquel was about to speak again when a loud cheer interrupted her. Johnny came out (well, ran out) of the bedroom like an excited kid who was bringing a report card for their parents to see.

“Sorry, Candice, but I just gotta tell you. I got it. My bet actually paid off!” the exuberant founder of the Gargano Way stated, as proud as he possibly could be.

“What bet is that?” Toni asked, her face showing one of intrigue and interest.

“He bet $500 that Higgins would score two touchdowns this game. It obviously paid off.” Candice stated, giggling at her husband’s excitement over it.

“Yep! Oh baby, Hollywood’s coming in clutch once again!” Johnny said.

“Hollywood, eh?” Toni said, intrigued by the nickname. Her boyfriend watched it, but she never paid attention when he talked football. She had no idea what a touchdown was, but it was obviously good as he got two, and Johnny was happy. She honestly knew little about sports other than wrestling, but was willing to try it if it was interesting to her.

Candice turned to see Raquel looking sheepishly at her, almost like there was something she wanted to say, but felt like it would be wrong to. “If you’re gonna say it, go ahead and say it, Raquel.”

“It’s the Cowboys, they’re playing the Browns. I mistimed the schedule. I thought we had more time before the game began.” the large Latina said, her point coming across very clearly.

“Fine.... go ahead and watch the game. But you better listen when Toni and I talk about the plan with you.” Candice said, like an exasperated mom.

“Thank you so much!” Raquel said as she hurried inside with Johnny, not before flicking Dakota for her interruption earlier, who responded with a playful jab in kind.

“Score’s 21-14 right now. Best watch your head there, the doorway’s a bit..... Ah see I told you to watch your head.” Johnny told her, his warning coming too late.

“Well, Dakota’s playing with Pawdme so her attention is gone, essentially. Raquel’s watching the game with Johnny, so it’s up to the two of us. You ready Toni? Toni?” Candice explained before trying to get Toni’s attention. She then heard a small sound before listening closer and hearing the loud but soft music of Queen, in particular, ‘Don’t Stop Me Now’. Toni had her headphones in her ear and was scrolling down her phone on Twitter. Candice could only shake her head and smirk. She was 25 once too, and she did the same thing, albeit with a less high-tech phone.

She sighed, and she shut down the iPad. It was low on power, anyway. She did try. She did honest to God try. Maybe being a captain was a lot more difficult than Rhea made it out to be. Then again, she never had any team meetings. She was better than her there. Maybe one day when she’s less mad at her for the multi-woman beat down thing, she and Rhea would have a talk about WarGames last year that they had been meaning to have. She checked the clock, 3:30. It had only been a half hour. She shook her head and took out the cupcake she had brought for herself to eat as she let the vocalizing of Freddie Mercury send her thoughts to another place. Come Sunday, they’d just wing it.

Everything hurts. Everything aches. Turns out WarGames isn’t the most pleasant experience in the world. You’d think Candice would realize that after getting her ass kicked by four women for almost half an hour last year. But in her mind, Shotzi needed to be punished. Unfortunately, that punishment meant a broken arm and feeling very, very sore. But a win is a win, and she’s won two WarGames matches now, so that was nice. She looked to her left and gave a warm smile to Toni Storm, who responded in kind before wincing a bit as she tried to move fully on her side to turn to her friend.

“Hey..... thanks for letting us crash at your place for tonight and heal up.” the Aussie said in recognition of the Garganos’ hospitality. Candice (well, mostly Johnny) had decided that the rest of Team Candice could stay at their house tonight, so they wouldn’t have to drive home in pain. It was the least she could do as they put their bodies on the line tonight to win.

“It’s no problem, really. We all needed a place to rest and recuperate after the match and we have more than enough room here.” Candice replied.

“I’m sure Dakota is very thankful for your help, as well. She’ll just let you know when she wakes up. She got hammered, literally.” Toni said, as Candice turned to her right to see a soundly sleeping Dakota Kai, who had taken the lion’s share of the punishment. She had been the most difficult to get into bed because of her soreness and hadn’t taken long to fall asleep.

“You guys can thank me by healing up and getting better” Candice then took the bell she had on her chest and rang it as loud but as gentle as she could in order to alert the person who gave it to her. She had been in the opposite role many a time, but now she was glad it was her turn to be pampered. The door flew open to reveal an attentive Johnny Gargano awaiting his next order.

“You rang?”

“Could you bring me a cup of water, please? My throat’s a little parched.” Candice asked nicely.

“No problem. Nurse Gargano is at your service.“ Johnny said with a salute as he went off to get the drink. Yeah, Candice could definitely get used to this.

Toni tossed and turned in bed as she suffered from the nightmare again. It was the third time in four weeks she had gotten it, and it wasn’t stopping anytime soon. She honestly hadn’t wanted to do it at all, but she rolled to her side in order to fight off the seemingly invisible enemy and she hit Dakota as she flew off the bed and fell down on the surprisingly soft carpet. Dakota would need to make a mental note to tell them about it. The sudden thud and that wail of pain woke Candice up from her slumber and shook Toni from her nightmare. The bell was rung, and it was Raquel, not Johnny, who had answered. In addition to winning the match for the team, Raquel had taken the least amount of damage and so was fit for duties as a caretaker temporarily.

“What happened? What’s going on?” Raquel asked as she burst in.

Candice looked over to the fallen Kiwi and then the shaking Aussie, and put two and two together. When she switched places with Toni, she didn’t expect this to happen. “Toni had a nightmare, swung wildly and knocked off Dakota.”

Dakota hadn’t realized when it happened. All she knew was that she was on the floor, in the air, and then back on the bed. As her realization started sinking in, she noticed the towering figure above her and smiled. “Thanks.”

“No problem. You’re my Hermana. I wanna do stuff like this for you.” Raquel said, straightening and fluffing Dakota’s pillow.

Dakota wasn’t a multilingual person, far from it. But she knew a little bit of Spanish and knew that Hermana meant sister. She smiled at the term of endearment by the Latina. “Sister, eh? Does that mean I get to borrow your clothes? I might need to fix some of them though, just to fit little old me.” Dakota said, smiling at her friend.

“Oh, shut up.” Raquel said laughing as she ruffled Dakota’s mane and left the room, seeing that the other problem was being well handled by Candice.

Candice had her arm around Toni and was rubbing her shoulder as the Aussie finally calmed down. “Hey, hey, hey. It’s ok. You’re alright now. What was the dream about?”

“...... The I quit match.” Toni said after a few seconds of building up courage to say it. Candice understood immediately. It was Toni’s last match in NXT UK and she’d almost gotten seriously hurt towards the end. She assumed the nightmare stemmed from the WarGames recently and all the stuff around it must have reawakened it in her.

Candice took Toni’s hand in hers and held it tight. “Hey, you don’t have to worry about that now. I’m here, with you, in this nice bed. I’ve got your hand, You’re safe. Now I think we can lie back down and go to sleep, but as long as you know that I’ve got you. Ok?”

“Ok.” Toni said, nodding. Toni eased back onto the bed and kept a strong hold of Candice’s hand. Candice stayed up until she felt the strong grip loosen and loosen until she looked over and saw her sleeping. Candice, upon seeing that, was now content. She took a little longer, but she also eventually fell back to sleep as well, dreaming of her Prince Charming..

“Rise and shine, people! Up and at them. Time for breakfast.” Johnny shouted as the clock struck 8:00 am. Seeing as they were normally early risers, Johnny decided to let them sleep in a bit but now, he was ready. The three women sleepily walked out of the bedroom, still sore but less so than last night.

“Morning honey.” Candice said as she walked over and kissed her husband to greet him. She did smirk at the gagging sounds done by Dakota and Toni mocking her for her show of affection.

“Get a room you two.” Toni said, feeling much better after her nightmare last night.

“It’s our house, thank you very much. So what do you have prepared for us today, Chef Gargano?” Candice said laughing.

“Well, with some.... ok a lot of help from Raquel, we got up early, and we made toast and eggs and sandwiches and we got orange juice and water. All you need for a lovely breakfast to give you a good start to the day.” Johnny said, looking quite proud of his accomplishment, well, his and Raquel’s accomplishment.

“I didn’t know you could cook.” Dakota admitted to her large friend.

“You never asked. Ten months together and you never once asked if I could cook?” Raquel questioned with an air of lightheartedness surrounding it.

“Never got the chance?” Dakota said in response.

“Eat your damn breakfast. I worked hard on it so you best enjoy it.” Raquel said smiling as she sat down to eat, which gave the cue to everyone else to dig in.

“Yes, sir.” Dakota said saluting the Texan. The five of them sat down and ate their well-prepared breakfast, talking about the matches and how it went. Johnny and Candice spoke about bringing in Austin and Indi full time to train them. Toni talked about challenging Io, much to the annoyance of Raquel, but they agreed they’d settle in the ring when the time came. Dakota, to what she thought was away from Candice’s view, snuck food under the table for Pawdme, until Candice caught her but allowed her to give one piece to the dog before she had to stop. Eventually the breakfast was finished and Toni, Raquel and Dakota said their goodbyes and went home. Later that day, the Garganos were having a chat about the experience.

“I really think we should do this more often,” Johnny said as he kissed Candice’s arm injured, “of course, hopefully when you’re not hurt.”

“Well, the next time that WarGames comes around....,” Candice said as she kissed his cheek before slapping him on the head, “you go in the cage instead.” she said, laughing as Johnny rubbed his head in pain.

[f1chronicle]

Best Formula 1 Books

When you’re looking for the best Formula 1 books to buy and read, one of the biggest problems you come across is that all the reviews are the same – copied and pasted from Amazon. Also, how do you know if the books you like are what the reviewer likes?

The Formula 1 books below have been read by me, not just copied and pasted from other listings. I like books that share stories, that get into the emotion of the subject and leave you feeling something. I’m not a facts and figures guys, so a book full of dates, cold facts, and specifications will have me putting the book back on the shelf half-read.

I like my books like I like my F1 – fast-paced and dramatic.

So if you’re like me, the below Formula 1 books will be for you…

The Best Formula 1 Books

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Life to the Limit: My Autobiography by Jenson Button

This is actually my favourite Formula 1 book, which is why it is at the top of the list. When you read it, you can’t help but have the voice of Jenson Button in your head, which makes his jokes funnier (and this is a very funny book). While there is a lot of humour, often self-deprecating, the tone definitely takes a turn and you can’t help but be moved when Jenson talks about losing his father.

Some of the chapters are super short too, as in a handful of pages, so if you’re someone who likes to read before bed and has to finish at the end of a chapter, this book will make sure you get to bed at a reasonable hour.

Read my full review on Life to the Limit: My Autobiography by Jenson Button

Jenson Button: Life to the Limit: My Autobiography

Amazon Kindle Edition

Button, Jenson (Author)

English (Publication Language)

361 Pages - 10/19/2017 (Publication Date) - Blink Publishing (Publisher)

$7.49

Buy on Amazon

Senna versus Prost

Before I read Jenson’s book, Senna versus Prost was my favourite.

Malcolm Folley has done a cracking job of creating a space for people to share their stories of Ayrton Senna and Alain Prost in a way that instantly transports the reader back to those great battles of the 80s and 90s.

What’s even better is Folley speaks with a lot of team personnel, people in the background who we’ve not really heard of, and lets us know what it was really like to be on the ground as the battles took place out on the track.

So much has been made of Ayrton Senna over the years, that Prost’s version of events was somewhat overlooked – until now. And although he could have used the book as an opportunity to lay the boots into his rival, Prost does a brilliant job of relaying events as he saw them.

Le Professeur off the track as well as on it.

Read my full review on Senna versus Prost

Sale

Senna Versus Prost: The Story of the Most Deadly Rivalry in Formula One

Arrow Books

Folley, Malcolm (Author)

English (Publication Language)

410 Pages - 05/26/2010 (Publication Date) - Random House UK (Publisher)

$16.49

Buy on Amazon

Murray Walker: Unless I’m Very Much Mistaken

Murray Walker is the voice of Formula 1. He has one of those voices that make the hairs on the back of your neck stand up when you’re watching an old race and his enthusiasm for F1 jumps through the speakers.

Some artists use paints, some use pencils, Murray Walker used a microphone.

Walker is a quintessential storyteller, so once again this is a book that you will most likely read in his voice. He tells vivid stories about growing up, his time in the war, all the way through to the Murray Walker we know from our TV screens commentating on Formula 1.

Known for the odd gaff in the commentary box, Walker isn’t shy about having a laugh with it, and understands it helped endear him to fans over the years.

Unless I’m very much mistaken, this is a must-read book that you will thoroughly enjoy.

Unless I'm Very Much Mistaken: My Autobiography by Murray Walker (2003-06-01)

Walker, Murray (Author)

06/02/2003 (Publication Date) - Willow (Publisher)

$25.32

Buy on Amazon

Niki Lauda – The Biography

If a book about a man who had a horrific crash at the wheel of a Formula 1 racing car, was given the last rights, then was back on the grid a month later doesn’t move you, then nothing will.

Niki Lauda was a man of little fuss or sentiment, and Maurice Hamilton has written this book in much the same vein. Starting from Lauda’s early days growing up in a proper family who felt motor racing was beneath their station, to his racing years, to flying, and much more.

If there is to be one criticism of this book, it’s that it doesn’t go into a great deal of detail on his time with Mercedes. However, the vivid recollections of his racing days from people who witnessed it definitely make up for this.

Niki Lauda

Hardcover Book

English (Publication Language)

Simon & Schuster UK (Publisher)

$19.06

Buy on Amazon

The Unknown Kimi Räikkönen

The Unknown Kimi Räikkönen gives great insights into Kimi’s path to F1, his upbringing, and now the importance of time with his growing family.

If you’re looking for a book of anecdotes from Kimi’s time in the paddock, this book isn’t it.

But if you want to learn more about Kimi’s path to F1, his motivation for quitting the sport, and his motivation for coming back to it.

The photos he shares are excellent too.

Read my full review on The Unknown Kimi Räikkönen

The Unknown Kimi Raikkonen

Hotakainen, Kari (Author)

English (Publication Language)

336 Pages - 08/22/2019 (Publication Date) - Simon & Schuster UK (Publisher)

$13.25

Buy on Amazon

Aussie Grit: My Formula One Journey

This is one that most Australian’s will love, as the Aussie legend shares anecdotes or ‘yarns’ from his time in F1 racing against some of the best drivers on the planet.

Those who remember the ‘Multi 21’ saga and breakdown in the relationship with Sebastian Vettel will like this book, as Webber gives his version of the events that unfolded in front of our eyes on race days.

A highlight of this book is Webber walking us through his personal struggles, as it’s not something often associated with the stoic Australian. This book is brutally honest in parts, and will give you a deeper appreciation of the man, not just the driver.

Aussie Grit: My Formula One Journey

PAN

Webber, Mark (Author)

English (Publication Language)

320 Pages - 09/28/2016 (Publication Date) - Macmillan UK (Publisher)

$16.30

Buy on Amazon

The Mechanic: The Secret World of the F1 Pitlane

Marc ‘Elvis’ Priestley was one the number one mechanic at McLaren, who as well as this book has an incredible YouTube channel where he shares his insights and analysis of Formula 1 regularly.

Simply put, his book needs to be on the bookshelf of every Formula 1 fan, it’s that good.

I’ll admit I’d never really thought about the pit crew. We see them for a few seconds each race, maybe more if something dramatic happens to one of their drivers.

This book takes us well and truly behind the scenes, into the life of partying and fast-living away from the track.

Priestley also shares a lot of secrets about the rivalries he was part of during his time in F1, which may make him a little unpopular with a few people…

Sale

The Mechanic: The Secret World of the F1 Pitlane

Priestley, Marc 'Elvis' (Author)

English (Publication Language)

256 Pages - 11/01/2018 (Publication Date) - Yellow Jersey (Publisher)

$8.49

Buy on Amazon

Chequered Conflict: The Inside Story on Two Explosive F1 World Championships

You could be forgiven for thinking this book by Maurice Hamilton is the work of a family member of Lewis Hamilton, but it’s not. Maurice Hamilton is the author of amazing F1 history books on the likes of James Hunt, Niki Lauda, Jackie Stewart, Frank Williams, and more.

Grand Prix racing in 2007 and 2008 was an explosive affair between Ferrari and McLaren, and this book captures all the drama perfectly.

2007 was the first time since 1986 that three drivers had a chance of winning the title going into the final race, and this book puts you back on the edge of your seat again as you re-live this piece of F1 history.

Chequered Conflict: The Inside Story on Two Explosive F1 World Championships

Amazon Kindle Edition

Hamilton, Maurice (Author)

English (Publication Language)

320 Pages - 09/04/2008 (Publication Date) - Simon & Schuster UK (Publisher)

$16.99

Buy on Amazon

The Mechanic’s Tale

This book by Steve Matchett is quite different to The Mechanic: The Secret World of the F1 Pitlane in that it is more about the author’s life, from trying desperately to break into the world of Formula 1. Although he’s not a racing driver, the struggles he faced are on par with some of the drivers mentioned in the books above.

Steve Matchett also shares a lot of his own eye-witness accounts of some of the greats such as Nigel Mansell, Ayrton Senna, and Michael Schumacher. Plus there is a lot on his time with Benetton which is great reading.

The Mechanic's Tale

Matchett, Steve (Author)

English (Publication Language)

240 Pages - 02/03/2000 (Publication Date) - Orion (Publisher)

$13.19

Buy on Amazon

Flat Out Flat Broke: The Original Stig

When you think of Formula 1, names like Lewis Hamilton, Ayrton Senna, Michael Schumacher, Damon Hill and Jackie Stewart come to mind straight away, but what about Perry McCarthy? No? Didn’t think so.

McCarthy spent the 1992 Formula 1 season ‘racing’ for the Andrea Moda Formula team, but unfortunately, never qualified for a Grand Prix.

That hasn’t stopped him from writing a hilarious autobiography that has already become a motorsport best seller.

While he didn’t have much luck in F1, or in a lot of other things, McCarthy bounced back to become the first ‘Stig’ on TopGear.

If you want to share a story with someone you care about that will inspire them to chase their dreams and never give up, then this is the one to give them. They don’t even need to be a Formula 1 fan to enjoy this one.

Sale

Flat Out, Flat Broke 3rd Edition: The Original Stig

McCarthy, Perry (Author)

English (Publication Language)

256 Pages - 05/01/2013 (Publication Date) - Haynes Publishing (Publisher)

$11.95

Buy on Amazon

Bestselling Formula 1 Books

Below you will find a list of bestselling Formula 1 books, many of which you would have seen listed above.

As I purchase and read more from the below list, I will add them to our Formula 1 Reviews section.

SaleBestseller No. 1

Formula One: The Champions: 70 years of legendary F1 drivers

Hardcover Book

Hamilton, Maurice (Author)

English (Publication Language)

240 Pages - 03/03/2020 (Publication Date) - White Lion Publishing (Publisher)

$28.49

Buy on Amazon

SaleBestseller No. 2

Formula One 2020

Jones, Bruce (Author)

English (Publication Language)

128 Pages - 05/12/2020 (Publication Date) - Welbeck (Publisher)

$17.99

Buy on Amazon

SaleBestseller No. 3

Formula One: The Pursuit of Speed: A Photographic Celebration of F1's Greatest Moments

Hardcover Book

Hamilton, Maurice (Author)

English (Publication Language)

272 Pages - 09/14/2017 (Publication Date) - Aurum Press (Publisher)

$27.49

Buy on Amazon

Bestseller No. 4

The Fastest Show on Earth: The Mammoth Book of Formula One™

Chicane (Author)

English (Publication Language)

416 Pages - 06/11/2019 (Publication Date) - Robinson (Publisher)

$19.99

Buy on Amazon

SaleBestseller No. 5

F1 Mavericks: The Men and Machines that Revolutionized Formula 1 Racing

Hardcover Book

Biro, Pete (Author)

English (Publication Language)

240 Pages - 08/06/2019 (Publication Date) - Motorbooks (Publisher)

$33.04

Buy on Amazon

Bestseller No. 6

Formula 1: The Official History

Hardcover Book

The Hague, Maurice (Author)

English (Publication Language)

272 Pages - 10/20/2020 (Publication Date) - Welbeck Publishing (Publisher)

$33.96

Buy on Amazon

SaleBestseller No. 7

Speed Read F1: The Technology, Rules, History and Concepts Key to the Sport (Speed Read (1))

Codling, Stuart (Author)

English (Publication Language)

160 Pages - 10/10/2017 (Publication Date) - Motorbooks (Publisher)

$15.77

Buy on Amazon

SaleBestseller No. 8

Formula 1 2019: Technical Insights (Preview 2020)

Filisetti, Paolo (Author)

English (Publication Language)

192 Pages - 12/01/2020 (Publication Date) - Giorgio Nada Editore Srl (Publisher)

$68.26

Buy on Amazon

Bestseller No. 9

Formula One Circuits from Above: 28 Legendary Tracks in High-Definition Satellite Photography

Hardcover Book

Jones, Bruce (Author)

English (Publication Language)

224 Pages - 09/03/2019 (Publication Date) - Carlton Books (Publisher)

$76.91

Buy on Amazon

Bestseller No. 10

How To Build A Car

Hardcover Book

Newey, Adrian (Author)

English (Publication Language)

09/16/2020 (Publication Date) - Harper Collins (Publisher)

$29.43

Buy on Amazon

Bestseller No. 11

Formula One Circuits From Above: 28 Legendary Tracks in High-Definition Satellite Photography

Hardcover Book

Jones, Bruce (Author)

English (Publication Language)

224 Pages - 10/06/2020 (Publication Date) - Welbeck Publishing (Publisher)

$34.95

Buy on Amazon

SaleBestseller No. 12

Formula 1 Technical Analysis 2016-2018 (Formula 1 World Championship Yearbook)

Hardcover Book

Piola, Giorgio (Author)

English (Publication Language)

208 Pages - 09/03/2019 (Publication Date) - Giorgio Nada Editore Srl (Publisher)

$52.11

Buy on Amazon

Bestseller No. 13

The Mechanic's Tale

Matchett, Steve (Author)

English (Publication Language)

240 Pages - 02/03/2000 (Publication Date) - Orion (Publisher)

$13.19

Buy on Amazon

Bestseller No. 14

The Unknown Kimi Raikkonen

Hotakainen, Kari (Author)

English (Publication Language)

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[wildshub]

WHO: The Fearless Fifteen  WHAT: The castaways play a game of ‘Two Truths and a Lie’ to pass the time once they’ve taken shelter from the storm in the cave. WHEN: Day 5, later in the day NOTE: Just posting for record and so it’s easier to refer back to.

Jenny Since leaving the beach with the others Jenny had been struggling to stay present. Pain from their hand making them feel numb, and over time it was getting harder and harder to fight. The rain was loud outside the cave, quickly turning into a thunderstorm, but still they felt themselves fighting against fading completely. " Should we do something? " They voiced, looking to the others from their seated position. Their hair and clothes soaked completely, hoodie sleeve strategically pulled down over their still tender burn. The wet material was probably as close as they were going to get to soothing it tonight. " To pass the time, or whatever? "

Shane shane was squatting near one of the cave walls, wringing the water out of her shirt and hoodie, still regretting that she thought it was a good idea to take them off before the rain picked up. she was just grateful that divya suggested they moved here so they could actually get out of the rain. hearing jenny finally speak up, shane's eyes snapped to them, almost expecting them to freak out again. "never have i ever isn't as fun without alcohol," she commented. giving up on her clothes, shane sighed at sat down, pulling her knees up to her chest. "anyone know any other games?"

Divya While remembering the cave was good quick thinking on her part, getting to the cave in the rain was another story entirely. Divya was absolutely soaked after journeying through the jungle to get to the cave. She was in the midst of wringing out her hair when Jenny and then Shane spoke, a pang in her chest when the soccer captain mentioned games other than Never Have I Ever. "Wish I'd brought my UNO," Divya then said, lips turning downwards. It was difficult to remember in the midst of the heavy downpour. She sighed, plopping down on the ground against the wall of the cave. "Maybe we can play like a question game?" She then suggested after a moment. "Like Two Truths and a Lie or something." It was a simple enough game, one that didn't need alcohol or cards.

Jenny Trust Divya to long for her UNO cards when they were soaking wet in a cave on a deserted island with no idea where the rest of the group was. UNO cards didn't even crack the top 100 things they needed right now, but they did sort of wish she had brought them too. If they weren't so emotionally drained they probably would have made a joke about it but all they could muster was the corners of their lips tugging upwards a second. Though they didn't love the idea of opening up, especially when they were feeling so vulnerable already, it was Shane and Divya. The two they were closest to feeling safe around. And they didn't have any better suggestions either. " Yeah, I'm down, " they gave a pause to allow the others to agree before they launched the first round. Desperate for some noise other than the storm outside. " I'm an only child. I'm banned from like, most the bodegas near my house back home. And, " they trailed for a second, pretending to think of another one " my hand really fucking hurts. " They joked, not moving the hand in question from its delicate position. Now they only had to figure out which was the lie between the first two.

Shane shane couldn’t help the weak chuckle she made when divya brought up not having UNO with them, one of these days, they should really humor her and actually play a game. the idea of playing a game designed to get them to talk about themselves was not shane’s idea of a good time, but jenny and divya were probably the only two people that shane didn’t mind being around. at least it wasn’t joss; but as she thought that, she couldn’t help but wonder where the other captain was in this awful storm. she hoped the others were able to find cover somewhere. sighing, shane gave in, “okay, yeah.” jenny went first and of course they all knew the last one was true, but shane being herself went the sarcastic route, “oh the last one is totally a lie.”

Divya Despite all of the nastiness going on outside with the terrible weather, Divya was glad the lot of them in a cave could agree to do something fun and lighthearted like a game of Two Truths and A Lie to get their mind off of it. She chuckled at Shane's sarcasm. "Oh yeah, totally," she echoed with a smile. Though truthfully, she hoped Jenny would be alright. They would have to let them have a look at it later to see what the group could do about it. "But in all seriousness, I'm thinking the second one. The bodega one. No way you're banned by that many. How does one even get banned at a Bodega?"

Jenny Smile once again tugged at the corners of Jenny's lips while the other two joked along. It was a small thing, but it made them feel a bit better about it. And then Divya took a serious jab at it. And Jenny tried to hide any reaction, very easy to do in the growing darkness of the cave. " Is that your final answer? " They asked, raising their brows in her direction. Then they looked to Shane, wondering if she was thinking the same thing. Shane had the advantage, knowing what a bodega was like, and how annoying teenagers could be in them. " Do you think bodegas too? "

Shane when divya gave a real answer, shane thought she was off the hook on being serious for a moment. that is until jenny turned their attention to her. thinking it over for a second, she almost agreed with divya until she remembered how easily one of her teammates got banned one night when they were drunk. shane herself could have been banned too if she wasn’t outside having a smoke. “nah, i’m going siblings, bodega’s will ban you for anything. though, that sucks if it’s true,” she said the last part jokingly. “so which is it?”

Luna "What's a bodega?" Luna asked, pushing her dripping hair from her face as she looked up. She'd been quietly listening to the others, while tracing patterns into the dirt on the cave floor. She kind of wanted to play, but she was lost. "I can't know if you'd get banned from them all if I don't know what one is." Jenny They nodded at Shane's answer and pursed their lips as they did, mockingly, like they were weighing up which was true for themselves. But before they could reveal the truth, they were surprised to hear Luna pipe up. It threw them a little. And her question did too. " It's like– " they glanced to Shane in hopes of receiving a little help in describing the New York staple before they looked back to Luna. " Like a corner store, or something. It just sells like snacks and drinks and basic stuff. " They explained with a shrug of their shoulders. " So, only child or bodegas? Which is the lie? " They asked Luna specifically, now she was involved in the game.

Luna "So like a milk bar?" Luna replied, as if the American would somehow know what an Australian milk bar was like. She imagined it was like a bodega, but she didn't know. She bit her lip, tilting her head and considering the question. Truth was, she hadn't spoken to Jenny enough to know. Jenny had avoided her for so long, that their only real conversation had been about stars. "Dunno. Maybe the only child one?" she replied with a sly grin. Getting banned from every corner store seemed like the more fun option to be true.

Jenny "A what? " Their brows furrowed together, having no idea what a milk bar was but like, context made them assume it was what Australians called bodegas but like ... what the fuck? " Is that what Aussies call them? " they asked, still confused but also amused at this point too. But she voted only child too. They wondered for a second how much guessing was going on or if they were actually trying to figure it out. But they paused that snowball before it became a problem and simply told the truth. " I have two brothers and one sister. And I am banned from the five bodegas closest to my place. " They revealed, face cracking into a grin.

Luna "A milk bar," Luna repeated. She shrugged. "I guess so? I've never heard anyone call them something else except in movies." No one else was here to back her up--where was Joss? The other Australian, Luna suddenly realised, was not with them. She frowned, looking around them to check. But Jenny's reveal pulled her attention back. "Nice. What'd you do?"

Shane shane was right along with jenny in wonder what the fuck luna was talking about. “okay but do milk bars have cats? because there’s nothing better than a bodega cat.” she couldn’t help but feeling a little proud that she was able to guess correctly, but like luna, she wondered what they did to get banned from five bodegas. “yeah, whatcha do? am i going to see your picture on some wall of shame when i go home?” when. she was glad she said that instead of if because especially in the middle of this storm, shane was exactly hopeful.

Jenny Jenny wondered how a whole country could say milk bar with a straight face but they weren't going to press it. It was trivial. But Shane made a good point. " Bodega cats are the fucking best, " they agreed, suddenly filled with warm memories instead of the horrific ones that had been especially bad that day. They chuckled a little at the mention of the wall of shame. " Maaybe, " they answered, pretending to be coy about it for a second before they broke with a chuckle. They were definitely on a few walls of shame back home, Mia was on some too. " Just like, dumb things. Not paying for stuff, that sort of thing. " It was pretty much just solely shoplifting but they weren't sure they really wanted it to seem that way. " One time I just knocked a couple things over by accident but the guy was having a shit day I guess. " They chuckled again. But that was more than enough about them. In fact, give it a couple minutes, and it'd be way too fucking much. " So, who's next? "

Luna Her eyes widened. "Wait, you guys have cats in your bodegas? We don't have cats in the milk bars." Luna wished they did. She grinned at the idea of a wall of shame being a common feature in bodegas too. Shoplifters being on it made sense, she supposed, remembering the crappy CCTV pictures that were behind the counter in the small grocery store near her house. "I'll go, I guess." She hummed for a moment, deciding what to say. "Okay! I'm an only child. I was rushed to hospital to have my appendix removed. And I was homeschooled for a few years." The truths seemed benign enough for now, she hoped.

Divya Divya was loving this game. It was nice to learn about the other girls. You'd think with all of the free time they had on the island that they would have learned plenty about each other by now, but keeping yourself alive when you were stranded was hard. And very tiring. At the end of the day, you just wanted to sleep on your bed of sand. "Hmm." She narrowed her eyes at Luna, as if that would help her figure out which one of the three facts was a lie. "I'm gonna go with appendix," she decided after a moment. "What about you guys?" She asked the others.

Shane shane nodded, making a mental note to keep an eye out for jenny’s picture whenever they made it back home. kind of a small world moment if she was actually able to find them. attention shifted to luna as she went next and honestly she was stumped. she was pretty sure this was the most she had spoken to the other girl in the five days on the island so she really didn’t have much to go on, so she played it safe and decided to side with divya on this round. “yeah, i’m thinking appendix too,” she said with a shrug.

Jenny They considered the options presented to the group. They had already noted the scar of Luna's arm, so similar to their own, and though it had nothing to do with an appendix and made them think that she wasn't a stranger to surprise medical procedures. But, then that was the option Divya and Shane went with. " Guess I'll go with homeschool, mix it up a little. " They didn't think Luna was stupid enough to lie about being an only child so soon after Jenny had.

Luna It was a little surprising to her that the others caught her out so quickly. Except Jenny, who went with home schooling. "I still have my appendix," she confessed with a small grin, not admitting she had been rushed to hospital for a host of other things. "How did you guys know?" Maybe it was just a lucky guess.

Shane shane had a smug smile on her face when luna announced that she and divya were right. that’s two for two. though, she was mostly guessing, shane was still proud of her ability to read people. “honestly, i totally guessed and went with welbs on that one.” shifting where she sat, shane put her legs down since it was doing nothing to help warm her. after a moment of thought, she decided she might as well get her turn over with. “okay so, i lost my virginity to a guy at 14. i can play the guitar. and i have travelled to 5 different countries.” she was sure her lie was obvious but if everyone else wasn’t going deep yet, neither was she.

Jenny Jenny nodded a little at the reveal. If it had been someone they had spoken to more they might have been a little disappointed at the lose, but seeing as they and Luna had only spoken a tiny amount, and about stars of all things, they didn't feel too bad. But then someone they had spoken to quite a lot took their turn: Shane. Even though they hadn't spoken about any of those topics, Jenny would feel a little bad if they couldn't figure this one out. Once again brows furrowed a little as they thought. " I'm thinking either first one or last one. " They said aloud, looking around to gage what the others might be thinking. " Anything with a specific number is easy to make a little lie out of. " They added, to give reasoning to their thoughts. Though, on top of that, they'd be severely disappointed for Shane if she'd lost her virginity to a guy.

Alexa alexa couldn’t believe anyone would decide to turn her belongings into a rain collector, but the wind and the rain caused her to wrap all her things into a blanket in panic and head for the cave. couple wrong turns and she was starting to feel like she wouldn’t make it so she stopped by a massive tree to cry for over 20 minutes before continuing. as she entered the cave to find the peaceful atmosphere of the girls settled she dropped her stuff to the floor in relief. except the champagne now hanging from her hand. “okay who the FUCK ruined my suitcase? you know what? doesn’t matter! I hope you enjoy freezing instead of being wrapped in a nice DRY blanket. also i had the insides of that suitcase coated in special paint that reacts badly with water so all the water in there is basically toxic now. think about that next time you, the culprit, wants to fuck with somebody else’s shit.” she will drip all over Shane on her way around deeper into the cave and away from its entrance. “what did I miss? where is Joss?”

Divya Divya was having such a great time with the girls, smiling and taking guesses. They all really were making the best of a bad situation. "You make a good point," Divya agreed with Jenny when she caught their gaze. She gave it a moment's thought before turning to Shane and squinting, doing her signature move of narrowing her eyes - as if that held any real weight to how accurately once could sus out which fact was a lie. "I'm going with the first one. Too many details." A guy and at 14. Though the second she thought it, she realized: wait, maybe more details were better. She was just about to open her mouth to change her answer and then Lex made her way into the cave. Her heart dropped to her bum at the mention of the suitcase, gulping when she knew it was all her and Shane's doing . She looked over to the soccer captain, eyes clearly expressing panic.

Shane shane smiled to herself when jenny and divya read her so easily. she opened her mouth to give the answer right as someone walked into the cave. the second she heard lex's voice behind her, shane froze, staring right at divya. water dripped on shane's already wet head. running her hands over her head to wipe the water off, shane saw the visible panic in divya's eyes. shane just barely shook her head, hoping the other girl could pick up on the fact that they should keep quiet. "i haven't see joss since last night. hopefully she found shelter," shane said instead of acknowledging lex's suitcase. "we're trying to pass the time with a game. so do you think lex, i lost my v-card to a dude at 14, i play the guitar, or i've been to 5 different countries, which is a lie?" she tried to make her voice sound as neutral as possible as she tried to push the conversation away from lex's belongings.

Jenny Though Jenny had nothing to do with the further ruining of Lex's suitcase, having been preoccupied with the fire, they did feel a little guilty about leaving her behind. And when she mentioned Joss, Jenny was forced to think about just how many people were missing from the cave. And though it really wasn't, they immediately believed that was at least mostly their fault. Adjusting their position so legs were to their chest and arms wrapped around them, as a form of comfort. Their right hand hanging loosely off to the side to avoid putting pressure on the still stinging burn. As both Divya and Shane seemed to chose to ignore the whole suitcase thing and all the energy Lex had brought with her into the cave and instead push forward with the game, Jenny did too. " Divs and I are saying v-card. It has more details than the other options. "

Alexa Alexa couldn’t believe none of them even acknowledged her suitcase conundrum and she was determined to make them regret it. Shane’s quick change of topic and unreasonably welcoming behaviour made her suspicious as heck and she was now eyeing all of them as if they al knew and she was the idiot. Regardless she sits down, pulls out a couple of semi-dry shirts from the plastic bag. She puts on a fluffy pink pullover and passes the rest towards Divya. “Well, Shane has all the attitude of someone who should be getting laid but isn’t so, I’m gonna go with the 5 countries one. I don’t know man, what’s your zodiac again?” as if all the answers stood hidden in that one answer. Without much thinking she’ll pass the champagne to her right and pull her knees to her chest. “Seriously though has no one seen Joss? I need a shit liar in this circle if I’m even gonna attempt to win this game.”

Shane shane knew they were suspicious as fuck but considering alexa was probably already blaming her for it, there wasn’t much she could do besides hope divya wasn’t going to have a panic attack over what they did. but if worst came to worst, she’d take the fall and give some speech about how it was used for the greater good of survival and how alexa’s clothes could dry while they actually have water to drink. instead, she stays quiet and just rolls her eyes at lex’s comment. “well considering we’ve been stuck here for 5 days, it has been too long since i’ve been laid. and i’m an aquarius, but i don’t see how that can sway your choice,” she shot back. if shane was honest, she was worried about joss and the other girls. they could be anywhere right now and she just hoped they were okay. instead she just shook her head and frowned at the mention of her. “anyways, welbs and jenny were right. i was 14 but i would never sleep with a guy. who’s next?”

Divya Divya tried her best to keep her calm, swallowing her nerves and looking anywhere but Alexa's eyes to help her do so. She took the plastic from the girl with a nod, eyes toward the ground when she did so. She felt somewhat better rummaging the bag for something dry to wear, even more so when Shane revealed the lie and declared her and Jenny winners. "Yes!" She cheered, squeezing a hand into a victorious fist. At the same time she found something decent to change into from Alexa's bag, tossing it over to Jenny so they could have a nosey now. "I wanna go!" Divya announced. "I have an older sister, I've never broken a bone in my body, aaaand I took first place in a watermelon eating competition in Year 3." She flashed a grin when she was finished with her list of facts, smile faltering slightly when she accidentally made eye contact with Alexa.

Jenny When Lex mentioned Joss again, Jenny thought of piping up to say obviously they hadn't seen her. Or Oona, or like everyone else who wasn't already in the cave. If they had seen any of them they would have made sure they came with them. Or Divya would have at least. But when the question was followed by only wanting Joss around because she was a shit liar, Jenny bit their tongue. Their lips cracked a small smile once more when it was revealed they and Divya had been correct. Even a light chuckle escaped them as they witnessed the other's excitement. When handed the plastic bag, they reached for it with their good hand, keeping the other hidden in hoodie sleeve. Though they'd just argued that more details meant lie, they felt differently when Divya filled her last option with far more details than the rest. " I think broken bone, " they decided, pulling a shirt from the bag before passing it on. " I've seen how clumsy you are, there's no way you've never broken a bone. " They said with a sort of affectionate teasing as they looked to her. Plus, she was decked out in athletic stuff. There was no way an athletic kid hadn't broken a bone at some point.

Alexa she observed them all carefully and for a moment even Divya appeared suspicious. That’s how she knew she was probably tired and making stuff up at this point. Now focused entirely on the game, and lowkey annoyed that she guessed Shane wrong, she tries to look for hints on Divyas face but to no avail. She just seemed like she was lying altogether. Lex was never much good at reading people though, or situations, she just either vibed with people or didn’t. Jenny’s answer seamed very likely so she’ll nod. “Yes, yes I’ll second that too. I mean, it does seem the most plausible. But then the watermelon is so specific I’m...confused. Wait, how many is supposed to be a lie? One? Two?” She itches the back of her head and shrugs. “One lie, yeah no the bone, I’ll go with the broken bone...”

Shane shane smiled as divya excitedly celebrated that she and jenny guessed right. despite being stuck with alexa now, she was glad that she could ride out the storm with two of the people she did enjoy spending time with. but next was divya’s turn and shane was stumped. “i want to say the watermelon because it sounds so outrageous. but i also feel like it’s something you’d do and throw it in there to stump us. so i’m gonna copy them and say bone too.”

Divya “Bone? Really? That’s what you guys are going for? Sure?” A beat for any final changes. Divya gave them all a cheeky look before revealing the truth. “You’re all wrong!” She told them with a spirited bounce. “I really never have broken a bone before. Though, I probably should considering all the trouble I find myself in.” She chuckled. “And I really did win First Place for that watermelon eating competition. One of my proudest accomplishments in fact. I got sick right after though, threw it all up in the closest bathroom after I had my picture taken.” She shook her head at the memory. “I don’t have an older sister. I have an older brother,” she told them with a small grin, chuffed she was able to get away with it. “Well, half brother but brother nonetheless. Sean.” In her excitement, she turned to Alexa, completely forgetting her prior guilt. “He’s in the Royal Airforce actually. Or was,” she corrected herself with a tilt of her head. She turned to the rest of the group again. “He’s like private contractor or something now. Gets hired by random people and does all sorts of things.” She gave a wave of her hand, bored now with the details of her brother’s current occupation.

[lovinmullen]

the pacific: part one, live blog because i said so

he looked so pissed when he has to make the sign of the cross to mary..... I KNOW ITS BECAUSE HES FALLING AWAY FROM HIS RELIGION but all i can think is undercover protestant????? i hate that i find myself funny stfu tom like he’s some angsty protestant like ‘this is fucking bullshit why the fuck DO THEY PRAY TO MARY’ which..... is a huge missconsperion but i’m not gonna get into that right now but hey if anyone needs an rs teacher? i got you

are you telling me i could have heard the most BEAUTIFUL monologue about the saint mary’s church and her plans for the day as well as being able to see that sweet sweet smile on vera’s face for longer but it was cut short because bobo went ‘i joined the marines’ GOOD FOR YOU BUT.....

rOBERT...... you really gonna give her THAT look...... IN GODS HOUSE is this allowed? is THIS ALLOWED???? if you don’t say it in the voice of the vine we can not be fteejssn sorry i don’t make the rules

#BOB: i wanna catholic girl that go to church AND READ HER BIBLE (is that even right??? omg i can only remember the jewish one *in the voice of ryan reynolds severely slowed down* FUUUUUCCCKKK)

on a real note this man saw her at church ONCE and his ass went finna wife up like........ take her out to dinner first. OR AT LEAST ASK HER HOW SHE IS IN THE LETTERS like we get it you’re emo, the aussie won’t shag you anymore and you keep pissing your pants. i understand it’s a hard not life or how ever that song in annie goes but bro.........(this is obviously a joke i am dumb of ass please ignore me i love you m8 and i’m sorry you’re gonna embarrass yourself in front of everyone but chuckler shifts to momma mode so you good)

can we please acknowledge jon’s acting..... sir? PHENOMENAL he’s not even saying anything??? he’s just looking at the lt yet i’m near tears

gentle reminder i love the basilones🥺🥺🥺 the way they are so supportive even though they don’t understand and they are scared for him but they accept and respect that john wants more, needs more and they’re putting their own fears aside so he can spread his wings for no better turn of phrase.

‘just get the job done, and come home to us’ the way his head falls and he has to stop his voice from breaking. i’m s fucking bitter

THE HAND HOLD MY GOD

leckie:((( look hes a bastard and he pisses me off but no matter how much i bully him i do love him a lot and the complete disregard and uncaring nature from his dad breaks my heart. a handshake then gone just like that? HIS FACE BEFORE ‘there’s a war on everybodies got to make sacrifices’ he looks so hurt and broken baby

GENE MY SWEET SWEET BABY GOD THIS SO SAD ALEXA PLAY DESPACITO. my baby just wants to do his part :( CUT THE CAMERAS DEAD ASS I WILL CRY BABY PLEASE DON’T CRY JUST WAIT A FEW MORE EPS my heart really do be looking like: <eugene3

‘gene, supper’s ready’ ma’am i’m sorry but he does not give a shit

SIDNEY MY SWEET SWEET BOY get in a pram if you’re going to be so baby. look while i love him so much and i know he didn’t mean it to be !!!!! he’s just small of brain !!! but when he says “i wish we where going together” that lowkey rubs it in man......... like he’s already heartbroken PLEASE STOP but the “yeah well you take care of yourself greaser” - “you don’t have to worry about me” IM SOFT🥺

“wOWoWOoOOO COME ON GUYS I WORKED HARD FOR THESE ORANGES”

“guadal...kenel...guadal BLEEHHH” didn’t realise hoos was recreating the audience of my english speaking exam. LOOK I REALISE NOW TALKING ABOUT STOICISM TO A BUNCH OF 15 YEAR OLDS WHO DON’T CARE WAS A BAD IDEA BUT I GOT A DESTINCTION SO FUCK YOU TO THAT ONE KID

chuckler baby..... i’m in love with a dumbass. also the hit across the head. i’m soft (lads lets take a shot every time i say i’m soft in this liveblog ITS GONNA BE A FUN NIGHT jk drink responsibly and all that jazz or be dick winters that’s cool too!! heck do a babe heffron and get yourself a caprisun you deserve it)

“professor leckie” please don’t fuel his ego HE DOES NOT NEED IT

HOLD UP I NEED TO SWITCH FROM THE TV TO MY LAPTOP TO SCREEN CAP THIS SHIT LEW MY SON HAVE YOU BEEN BITING INTO AN ORANGE LIKE IT IS AN APPLE??? I WOULD BE MAD BUT HE LOOKS SO CUTE on a real note though can you eat the skin???? will he be okay?????

okay two hoos things: 1.) he looks SO DONE and i’m living for it 2.) can we talk about jacobs nose..... IM DYING TO TALK ABOUT JACOBS NOSE

okay the boats scene give me saving private ryan flashbacks i came out here to have a good time AND I AM NOT HAVING A GOOD TIME oh wait never mind runner just went ‘i could really use a stiff one right now’ i hate that but he saved the day with his dumbassery so thank you good sir i love you with all my heart

fun fact my how co ranking goes chuckler, runner, hoos, leckie

OH FUCK I FORGOT SID SJAKSJSJ y’know for someone who talks about how much they love sid i forget about him a lot. thank you for blessing my screen with your pretty face it helped me remember you exist LMAO guys my memory is not okay i’m actually concerned...... but more importantly i’d put him between hoos and leckie in the ranking :,)

call it what it is. babyism. y’all better stop before i cuddle you LOOK AT THIS SHIT THEY’RE ADORABLE

runner is the only bitch i respect in this house he’s so fucking funny

‘they’ve? poisoned? a? billion?! coconuts?’ that poor son of a bitch BLESS HIM don’t shoot the messenger okay? he seems like a sweet bean

that shot of hoos, leckie and chuckler looking down at the camera into the bunker? my sexuality. my left brain: tomas stop thirsting it’s an intense and serious show. my righ brain: but?? they’re pretty?? me nodding smugly and in agreement: BUT THEY’RE PRETTY.

THIS MAN AND HIS GUM I CAN’T why is that me. i am the gum man at my school that sounds so weird ajsksjsj i just always have gum. ALSO spearmint is superior to normal mint. NORMAL MINT BURNS LIKE ITS SPICY BRO. bubblemint is superior superior but that’s more expensive rip😭😭😭😭😭😭

‘it’s like the fourth of july’ nice to my boy sufjan getting some rep he is king of the gays after all mr i can’t explain the state that i’m in the state of my heart he was my best friend. we all owe him EVERY parallel on this goddamn app. jk there’s one other king of the gays and that is demon! shane (bfu). no this is not up for debate

the shot of the ships is phenomenal. that’s one thing i do have to credit hbo on. the special effects and cinematography are beautiful and so fucking impressive like???

‘we’re killing them’ - ‘where’s the navy?’ / ‘gone we lost four cruisers’ GOD I HAVE SUCH A LOVE HATE RELATIONSHIP FOR FORSHADOWING LIKE SOMETIMES ITS SO SEXY AND OTHER TIMES IM LIKE PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD GO AWAY

WHY DOES SID LOOK OVER HIS SHOLDER BEFORE TAKING THE WINE SIR NO ONE IS GONNA TELL YOU OFF AT WAR FOR DRINKING UNDERAGE like???? i don’t think an 18 year old having a swig is their biggest problem bless his heart

‘can’t fight em drunk don’t fight em at all’

bill if you are reading this i’m free on thursday night and would like to hang out. please respond to this and then hang out with me on thursday night, when i am free😌😘🥰😳🥺👉👈😤💘💓🙄🥴

FUCK I FORGOT HOW LOUD THE GUN SHOTS WHERE THINK I JUST WOKE THE WHOLE NEIGHBOURHOOD JC

‘skipper? skipper are you okay?? goddamnit he’s lost it come on’ :(((((

god the shots in this show really are phenomenal. i know it’s very gory and very hard to watch at times but it definitely has the best shots of the three en mi opinion. i’m a slut for the close up of dick screaming ‘move out’ with rounds flying. like who’s ever call that was? outstanding but like that’s just one? the pacific has so many emotive and excellently shot scenes.

JOG ON. STOP. IM SO SOFT IM GOING TO CRY THIS IS NOT OKAY. MOMMA CHUCKLER I CAN’T🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

how seemlessly the scenes flow one after the other despite being opposite ends of the spectrum i DID NOT GIVE TP ENOUGH CREDIT like yeah it makes me sad as fuck but from a production point of view the writing? the acting? the cinematography? DAMN

how visibly torn and pissed off hoosier looks over the other marines tormenting the japanese soldier, stringing out his death when he’s obviously in a lot of mental as well as physical pain? the only bitch i respect in this house.

okay so like? while the shot is scarring both for him and the audience to see that kind of effortless murder it was the right thing to do? it’s better then have him be tormented and it will help leckie in the long run? how broken he looks though? like the distance is his eye and the way he swollows....... WHO IS CUTTING ONIONS HUH???? brilliant james BRILLIANT

the way i just said ‘if biology would have permitted it i would be asking you to have my babies’ at the sight of a man shoving smokes up his nose....... now ladies theyzies and gents, a prime reason to show why you should do your work. this is tom. tom didn’t do his work. with nothing to do all day tom became bat shit..... don’t be like tom. okay like it is cute though COME ON

HOW PROUD AND SMUG AND HAPPY HE LOOKS AT HIS PREMOTION ‘yes ma’am i am a corporal’ HE IS SO BABY AND FOR WHAT. oops sorry lads looks like i dropped this:

the shot of leckie swimming in the water fading off to the shot of the dead bodies mirroring his movement but obviously a life less version OOOH IMMA SUE

god love me some men with black lungs LECKIE DO BE LOOKING GOOD LIGHTING THAT CIG DAMN

“i have a girlfriend lucky me” HOOS IS LIKE MY GAY ASS YOU SURE????

“you guys step aside the real marines are here now” “AND I’VE BEEN HERE FOR SOME TIME” that shuts iconic even i said wahayyyy

also runner..... i am looking RESPECTFULLY👁👁

you’re not special leckie we all want hoosier

sister👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

baby gene :,( YOU GINGER LIL BEBE I LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH

can you really call yourself a hbo war an if you don’t sing along at the end... ITS A TUNE also hoos’ voice...... its about the drawl....... 

[chickensarentcheap]

Best Part of Me -Chapter 6

Warnings: none

Tagging: @innerpaperexpertcloud​, @c-a-v-a-l-r-y​, @alievans007​, @thunderintheshadows​

He’s been sober for six months, two weeks, and four days.  

Completely cutting out all alcohol had been difficult. Far more than he’d thought it would be, the withdrawal both brutal and eye opening. He’d never considered himself an alcoholic, or even acknowledged that he had even the slightest bit of an addiction to booze. But the side effects of quitting had told him otherwise. Seventy-two hours of a near crippling headache, heart palpitations, extreme nausea and vomiting. Even excessive sweating and tremors in his hands.  It had been a huge wakeup call. The realization that his drinking had been taking over his life and he hadn’t even been aware of it.  That had he not stopped and continue down that path towards complete and utter dependency, he would have lost everything that mattered to him.

Most days and weeks he handles it well, too busy to even think about drinking, let alone indulge in it. They keep no alcohol in the house to avoid any chance of temptation, and Esme had quit right after she’d found out that they were expecting Addie and had vowed to never touch the stuff again. It was something they could do together; serving as one another’s support systems.

Yet there’s times where he does crave it. Not necessarily a need, but a want. And it’s not overwhelming; he’s not desperate enough to drop everything and run out to the store and stock up on booze. Just a lingering taste for it while spending time out in the sun or after a long and tiring day of working outside. Or when something or someone is irritating him to the point of needing an escape...even a mental one...from them.

Tonight is the latter. He’s agitated; with Ovi’s sudden interest in the job, with Chloe’s romanticizing of the life and putting it in his head that there’s something he needs to prove and that getting into it would somehow make him ‘more of a man’. As if somehow insinuating that Tyler himself is less of one because he’d walked away.  It’s bad enough that there’s times he views himself that way; that he’s broken and damaged and not even half of the person that he used to be. And he tries to ignore those thoughts; to remind himself that it’s just his fucked up brain talking and that the one person in the world whose opinion matters to him, doesn’t see him that way.  In her eyes, he’s even stronger for being able to recognize his issues and walk away. That he’s more of a man for choosing his own wellbeing and his family over the job.

For the most part he’s been able to ignore his growing resentment for Chloe. Everything suddenly seems to annoy him; from the way she dresses to the way she laughs, even the sound of her voice. Electing to avoid her company in favor of spending time with the kids; in and out of the water with them, helping them dig in the sand, taking them for walks to look for shells and beach glass.  Listening to them chattering on about their respective days at school, offering up the appropriate comments, laughing at the right times, and asking the questions that gets them talking even more.  He loves hearing those little voices; the Aussie accents that are already beginning to creep in, the sounds of their laughter, the way they tease and bicker with one another. They each have their own very distinct personalities but are so alike in other ways; appearance, mannerisms, facial expressions.   And he cherishes his time with them; teaching them to surf, taking them fishing and camping, those midafternoon naps when they’re all curled up next to him on the couch, lying on the beach once the sun sets and watching the stars with them, even reading the same damn bedtime stories over and over again. Because those moments are fleeting; they’ll grow up fast and become independent and then spending time with mom and dad won’t be exciting or fun anymore.  

He’d stayed silent through dinner –cooked over open flame on the beach- and tried not to snap at every little stupid thing Chloe said or her annoying, high pitched laugh, or the way Ovi waited on her hand and foot and looked at her as if she was the most incredible woman on the planet. Irrational of course, seeing as that's how he’s been looking at his own wife every day for the past six years.  But since the job conversation with Ovi, everything Chloe related just bugs the ever-loving shit out of him.  Prompting him to jump at the chance to be the one to put the kids to bed. Dragging his feet through the entire nighttime routine; baths, teeth brushing, reading stories, tucking them in. Hoping that if he stalls long enough, Chloe and Ovi will be long gone and he won’t have to worry about playing nice anymore.  And he’s disappointed –and even more irritated- when he still finds them there, sitting on the back patio, Chloe on her second bottle of wine.

“Everyone asleep?” Esme asks, as Tyler drops into the chair beside her, then leans in to press a kiss to her temple.  

He knows she can sense just how on edge he actually is; years ago, words had stopped being necessary and they’d become able to read one another’s facial expressions and body language. And she gives him a soft, reassuring smile and leans sideways in her seat, resting her head against him, his arm wrapping around her shoulders.  

“Everyone except this one,” he says, and nods down at Addie as she lays along her mother’s arm; so tiny and so perfect. A mixture of everything that’s good about him and everything that’s amazing about his wife. He feels blessed. That he’s been given this opportunity five times; to help create another human being. And he brings his hand to the side of his wife’s head as it lays against him and kisses her temple once again.

“She’s probably waiting for you. She always falls asleep better for daddy. These kids are traitors. All of them. Can’t I be someone’s favorite?”

She’s smiling as she says it, and he takes the baby from her, settling Addie against his chest; a forearm along her back, palm supporting her head.   And his free hand takes a hold of his wife’s, lacing their fingers together and placing their joined hands on his thigh. It will keep him grounded. Calm. If he can feel her.

“This was really nice,” Chloe gushes, as Ovi curls an around her shoulders and she leans into him. “Being able to spend time together like this. We should do it more often.”

Tyler wants to tell her that there’s no fucking way he wants to make it a regular occurrence. But he doesn’t. Instead he just nods and places a kiss to the side of Addie’s head and tightens his hold on Esme’s hand.  

“Well things get busy,” his wife says, and then winces and directs a light kick to the side of his calf when he grips her hand a little too hard.   “With the kids and their things and stuff we need to do around here. There’s not a lot of time to spare.”

“I could help out more,” Chloe offers. “With the kids.”

“It’s okay,” Tyler speaks up. A little too quickly and harshly. Earning a glare from Ovi and a clearing of the throat from Esme. “We’ve got it under control,” he adds, and then attempts a smile.

“Well I’m not far,” Chloe gives that laugh that grates on his nerves.  “You know where to find me.”

“She’ll be fine.,” he says. “We’ll be fine. But thanks.”

Chloe gives a tight-lipped smile; she knows she’s being dismissed.

Silence descends on the table, uncomfortable and tense. The only sounds the rustling of the trees surrounding the property and the waves rolling onto the shore. Esme shifts uncomfortably in her seat, reaching for a now lukewarm cup of tea that sits in front of her, and Tyler loosens his grip on her hand and repeatedly his fingertips along the smooth, cool metal of her wedding band. There’d never been the need or desire for anything more; his proposal had been nothing more than a simple ‘marry me’. It simply isn’t their style; grand, elaborate gestures and expensive pieces of jewelry.

“So did Ovi tell you about his business proposition?”  Chloe asks, and Tyler feels his entire body tense. This is not how he wanted Esme to find out; he’d planned on bringing it up to her when all their guests had left and the kids were asleep and he’d already given her two or three orgasms in a way to relax her and ‘lighten the mood’.

“Chloe...sweetie...” Ovi is clearly uncomfortable with the subject now at hand.  “This is not the time to talk about this.”

“What do you mean? This is the perfect time! We're all here. Together. There couldn’t possibly be a better time.”

“What business proposition?” Esme asks, glancing between her husband and Ovi. “What’s going on?”

“Ovi had an amazing idea,” Chloe gushes.  “About him and Tyler going into business together.”

“Okay...” Esme sounds suspicious. “...but what kind of business?”

“The job,” the other woman says it so cheerfully, as if that kind of career is so normal. That accepting money and putting your ass on the line for strangers -and even killing people- is the most natural thing in the world.  

“The job?” Esme frowns. “As in what Tyler used to do? That’s what you’re talking about, right? Being a mercenary? Because that’s what I think of when someone says ‘the job’.”

“This is really isn’t a good time,” Ovi mumbles. “This could have waited. Until a different night.”

Tyler shakes his head and forces himself to look away from both of him, dragging his top teeth over his bottom lip; feeling the rage that begins to simmer inside of him.  Concentrating on that little body that’s pressed tightly against him; those tiny fists that tightly grip his t-shirt, the smell that clings to her sleeper, the softness of her hair against his palm.  

“What the hell is going on?” Esme asks. “Why are you two even talking about the job? Never mind that, why are you...” she stares pointedly at Tyler. “...talking about the job?”

“I wasn’t talking about it,” he replies. “I mean, I was. But I wasn’t.”

“That doesn’t even make sense. You either were or you weren’t.”

“I brought it up,” Ovi comes to his defense. “It’s not like it was his idea to talk about it. He never talks about it.”

“So why were you talking about it?” Esme inquires. “There shouldn’t be a reason to talk about the job. We came here to get away from it. We gave up that life. Why is it getting brought back up? And there better be a good goddamn reason for it, too.”

“There’s no reason to freak out,” Chloe grumbles, and Esme glares at her.

“Listen little girl, you don’t come to my house and talk to me like that. You come here...under my roof, where my children are...and you bring up the job? After everything it put us through. And you expect me not to freak out? It doesn’t work that way.  This is between Ovi and I now. You can leave or you can sit there and listen.”

“Is that an option for me too?” Tyler asks. “Or...”

“You’re involved whether you want to be or not,” she replies. “So no. That’s not an option for you.”

“It was just an idea I had,”  Ovi attempts to explains.  

“An amazing idea,” Chloe jumps in.

“I’m not talking to you,” Esme snaps. “I don’t want to hear from you. So just sit there and be quiet and let me speak to Ovi. To my son.”

“He’s not your...”

“Don’t...” Tyler warns. “...even finish that sentence.”

Chloe throws her hands up in surrender, then leans back in her chair and crosses her arms over her chest, angrily tapping her foot against the ground.

“Ovi...” Esme’s voice is low, calm. Almost too calm. Tyler knows that tone all too well; he’s been on the receiving end of it and knows what follows if you don’t tread lightly.  He’s made the mistake –more than once- of not watching where he steps and having to face the consequences. “...what the hell is going on? Why are you talking about the job? You know we left that behind. We all agreed on that. That once we left Colorado, that was it. That once Tyler decided he had enough, we’d never mention it again. So what is going on?”

“I had this idea,” he nervously begins. “That Tyler and I could do something together. Start a business. Outside of the one we already have.”

Chloe opens her mouth to speak and Esme holds her hand up to both silence her and warn her to keep quiet.

“And this has to do with the job how?”

“Because...” he chews on his bottom lip.  “...it is the job.”

“So you’re brilliant idea is to get my husband back into the job? Is that honestly what you’re trying to tell me? Despite everything he went through in Dhaka, despite nearly dying there, despite everything you saw him go through and everything you went through yourself.  You thought it was a good idea to get him back into it?”

Tyler clears his throat noisily and stands up; too anxious to sit still yet needing to remain calm for his daughter’s sake. Adjusting his hold on her and laying her along his forearm, her head resting securely in the crook of his elbow, feet not even reaching his palm.  Running his free hand over her hair, fingers fidgeting with the snap closures on her sleeper, then moving down to her feet; gently rubbing the soles and each of the tiny toes. Body swaying side to side, more an attempt to soothe himself than her.

“I thought it was something that we could do together,” Ovi says. “We could run things. Take on clients. Maybe even hire more people once we got things off the ground. I thought if we were together, it would be better. Easier.”

“So even knowing that he willingly walked away from things and has sworn up and down to never...ever...go back, you still tried to bring him into this? Why? Knowing everything it’s done to him. Everything it has done to us. You were there. You’ve been with us for more than five years now. You’ve seen what it’s done. How it almost ended us. More than once.  And you still thought it was a good idea?”

“I thought if we both got involved that it would be okay. That he wouldn’t be going alone and...”

“No, Ovi. It’s not okay.  It’s not okay in the slightest. What would make you think it was okay? He almost died once. That’s not enough for you? Because it was enough for me. More than enough. And that was back before we didn’t have any of this. This life. When we didn’t have kids to take care of. Five kids that need their father. How is it okay that you bring him back into this bullshit and leave my kids without their dad? Maybe that’s okay for the two of you. You don’t have anything to lose. But we do. We have so much to lose and I can’t believe you didn’t even care about any of that.”

“I wasn’t thinking that much into it,” he admits. “I was just thinking it would be fun to get into. Running a business like that ourselves.”

“Yeah, because it’s so much fun watching the person you love getting shot in the throat and having them bleed out all over you.  Does that sound like fun to you? Or you?” she directs the last question to Chloe. “Does that sound like it was fun? Because it was fucking hell on earth for me. Twenty minutes felt like twenty hours on that bridge. And as pissed off as I am right now...no, as disgusted as I am right now...I wouldn't wish that on you. Seeing that happen.   Holding someone while they’re choking on their own blood. Shoving your fingers in their throat to try to keep them alive. Does that sound like fucking fun to you?”

Both Ovi and Chloe shake their head.

“I’m done,” Esme shoves her chair away from the table and stands up, using the backs of her hands to clear away the tears that flow freely down her face. It’s been over six years and it sometimes still feels as if it were yesterday; the memory still so fresh and haunting that it is physically painful. Yet she always keeps it tightly bottled up inside, for the sake of her husband, the sake of her children. Even for the sake of her own sanity.  Because dealing with it is just too damn difficult.   “I’m done with you two. With this whole goddamn conversation.”

“I’m sorry,” Ovi offers a feeble apology. “I never...”

“I have to get out of there,” she says to Tyler. “I’ll take her and give her last feeding and put her to bed.”

“Esme...”

“I’m fine,” she assures him, and attempts a smile. “I’ll be fine.”

He lays the baby in her arms, then uses the bottom of his t-shirt to clear away the last of her tears.

“Can you handle all of this?” she jerks her head in the direction of the cluttered table. “I can’t deal with this right now.”

“I got it,” he assures her. “It’s fine. You gonna be okay?

She nods, and he lays a hand on the side of her face and presses a kiss to her forehead. “I just need to go.”

“It’s okay,” he pushes her hair away from her face, tucks it behind her ears. “I understand. I’ll be up in a little while. Once I handle things.”

She gives another weak smile, then rests her forehead briefly against his chest before heading into the house.

*****

“What the fuck have you two done?” Tyler keeps his voice low, but malice and contempt drip from every word.

“I’m sorry,” Ovi is quick to apologize. “I didn’t mean for it to come out like that. I didn’t mean for it to come out at all.”

“She needed to know,” Chloe says, giving a flippant shrug. As if she didn’t just play a huge role in creating an epic shit show.

Dhaka is a sore spot. An extremely sore spot. One they didn’t like to visit often but always felt like pure and utter hell when they did. His memories aren’t that vivid or fresh; not one of those moments on the bridge after Fahrad had shot him. He only knows what he’s been told, or the little snippets that his brain has managed to piece together.  For Esme it’s much worse, she can remember every second of those final twenty minutes on the bridge. Every word, every noise, every smell. Even what the blood had felt like as it streamed through her fingers.  Yet she very rarely talks about it. She prefers to keep it inside and deal with it on her own. Not wanting to burden him with her issues when he’s so busy struggling with his own.

“No she didn’t,” Tyler snarls. “There was no fucking reason for her to know because I already told him I wasn’t interested. That I wasn’t going to talk about it, and he was going to forget all about it.”

“You can’t deal him what to do,” she bites back. “You’re not his father.”

“I’m the closest thing he has to one. I guess he didn’t tell you, huh? That I told he was an idiot for even considering the job and you’re an even bigger idiot for trying to talk him into it.”

Chloe leaps to her feet and clamps her hands on her hips. “I don’t know who the hell you think you are, but...”

“I’m the guy that nearly died saving his ass!” Tyler gestures towards Ovi. “I’m the one that gave him a home and a family because his real father is an evil prick who put his son in danger in the first place. You think he has what it takes to be a mercenary? Did he tell you how I had to give him a pair of pants because he pissed his own? I bet he didn’t tell you that part did he.”

“I know that he killed someone. To save your ass.”

“And what? It takes killing someone to make him a man in your eyes? You’re actually proud of that? That he’s done that? You’re fucked up. You have issues. You’re putting all this bullshit in his head. That he needs to prove something to you. That somehow the job is the only way for him to do that. You have no goddamn clue what that life is like. You’re just a delusional little girl. Get the fuck out of here with your bullshit.”

“Tyler...” Ovi attempts to diffuse the situation. “...if we just sit down and talk about this calmly...”

“We’re not talking about this. I said what I needed to say. I’m not getting involved in this. I left that life behind me. I’m not that guy anymore. He’s gone. I have a wife and kids. That’s my life now.”

“Pretty pathetic life,” Chloe mutters.

“You need to go. You need to get out of my face before I really say something I’ll regret. This is me being polite. If you’d rather I be a total asshole...”

“Are you just going to sit there and let him talk to me like this?!” Chloe turns her ire on Ovi, who just sighs in exasperation and puts his face in his hands. “You’re just going to sit back and let him act like this?!”

“This is my fucking house,” Tyler reminds her. “And if it wasn’t for me and my wife, you’d be stuck back in Colorado all by yourself. I’m the one who puts a roof over your head and food on your table. Yet you think you can come here and cause all this shit? You have no idea what any of us have been through. What things were like before you came along. So you need to need to know your place and just step off.”

“He’s right you know,” Ovi says. “You don’t know everything that happened before you came along. Especially what happened in Dhaka.”

“I know he fucked up,” Chloe nods in Tyler’s direction.

“That is not what happened,” Ovi argues. “He did not mess up. My father did. Tyler did what he had to do to keep me alive and get me out of there. Even when he knew there was no money. He could have just let me in the street, but he didn’t. I’m only here because he didn’t give up on me. Or himself.”

“And you’re going to pay for that for the rest of your life? Because he wants to be martyr? He gets to hold saving you over your head for the rest of your life? Expecting you to be constantly on your hands and knees, kissing his ass?”

“Jesus fuck,” Tyler gives a dry laugh and shakes his head, then begins gathering the dirty dishes and silverware from the table. “You’re really a piece of work, you know that? He should have left you behind in Colorado. I should have paid him to leave you there. And this is what you want to get yourself into?” he directs the question towards Ovi. “You want to spend the rest of your life with her? It couldn’t have just been a fuck and duck? Good like with that one, mate. You’re going to need it.”

Chloe opens her mouth to respond but stops when the sliding glass door opens and Tanner wanders out; clad in just a pair of Captain America pajama pants that are too short in the legs, his hair mussed from sleep, pressing the heels of his palms into his tired eyes.

“What are you doing up, mate?” Tyler asks. “It’s late and there’s school tomorrow.”

“I know.” he yawns loudly and wraps both arms around one of his dad’s thigh.  “But I’m thirsty and mommy said to tell you.”

“She did, did she?”

Tanner nods.  

“Alright, let’s go,” he sets the items in his hands down on the table, then uses one arm to effortlessly scoop his son up onto his hip. He’s long and lanky, but remarkably light. Fifteen pounds smaller than his mere minutes older brother.  And he presses a kiss to the side of Tanner’s head, who in turns curls both arms around his neck and nestles his face into his shoulder. Of the twins, he’s the sensitive and affectionate one. Not as much of a momma’s boy anymore, his relationship and bond with his father much stronger since Tyler returned from Ireland.  “What do you want?” he asks, as steps into the house, leaving Chloe and Ovi behind without even a farewell or ‘fuck off’. “Wine? Beer? Tequila?”

“No,” Tanner giggles into his neck. “Warm milk.”

“Warm milk? What if I don’t know how to use the stove?”

Another giggle. “Use the microwave.”

“What if I don’t know how to use that?”

“You know how to use the microwave, silly daddy. I seen you do it.”

“Well don’t tell your mum that, okay? Or she’ll expect me to do more around here.”

“I won’t tell. My lips are sealed.”  Tanner mimics locking up his mouth and throwing away the key.

Tyler grins. “How are you going to drink your milk if you can’t open your mouth?”

“I can open my mouth, daddy. I was just playin’. Come on now. Get it together.”

He chuckles at that. “You’re starting to sound like your mum.”

“She’s the smart one,” Tanner concludes.

“I don’t know how smart she can be when she hangs around the likes of me.”

“She probably thinks you’re cute!”

“Yeah, that’s probably it. You want down or....”

Tanner shakes his head, expertly wriggles his way around to father’s back, once again wrapping his arms around Tyler’s neck and clamping those long, skinny legs against his torso.  

“Your sister asleep?” he asks, as he fetches the milk from the fridge and a mug from the cupboard above the sink.  

“Which one?”

“The nice one.”

“Yeah, Addie’s asleep. Millie too. But she’s not nice. At all.”

“Not even sometimes?” he pours some milk into the mug and holds it up for Tanner go give his approval on whether or not it’s enough.  

“Maybe sometimes. Like when she beats up the bullies at school.”

“She does that a lot? Beats people up?”

“Once in a while. When they deserve it. Like when they call Teej stupid. I don’t like when they say mean things about him. He’s my brother. We were in mommy’s tummy at the same time, right daddy?”

“At the exact same time,” Tyler confirms, then lets his son push the buttons on the microwave to heat the milk.  

“How’d we get in there, tho’?”

“That’s something I’ll tell you when you’re older.”

“How much older?”

“A lot older.”

“How much is a lot?” Tanner presses.

“I dunno. Ten or twenty years.”

“That’s a fucking lot.”

“Hey!” Tyler scolds. “Language.”

“You say it all the time!”

“I’m allowed. I’m older than you.”

“By how much?”

“Thirty-six years.”

“Holy shit! You’re old, daddy! Sorry,” he giggles when his dad scowls at him. “Potty mouth.”

“Yeah, you have a potty mouth, alright. Just make sure when people ask where you learned it from, you say mommy.”

“That’s a lie though. You said never to lie.”

“I’ll give you ten bucks for each time you say it.”

“Okay,” Tanner happily agrees, and then once more wriggles his body around to its original position on his dad’s hip so Tyler can sink down into one of the chairs at the kitchen table; settling his son on his lap, a palm running over his the five year old’s hair, then pressing a kiss to the back to the back of his head.  

“School was good today?”

Tanner shrugs and sips at his milk.

“What did you learn about?”

“Dinosaurs.”

“They were teaching you about dinosaurs?”

“I was reading about them. I dunno what everyone else was doing.”

“Look, I’m relying on you to be the smart one, mate. I need you to become a doctor or a lawyer so you that can be really rich when you’re my age and you can take care of me.”

“I don’t want to be a doctor or a lawyer, though.”

“What do you want to be?”

“I dunno. A vet. I like animals.”

“Be a big game vet. They make more money. I’m counting you. You need to be the one that steps it up at school. Because I think I’m going to be saving on college education for your brother. What was his day like? He have any problems?”

“Nope.  He was good all day. No one picked on him today.”

“Is that what causes his issues?” Tyler combs his fingers through his son’s hair; Tanner had insisted on his old haircut. The one that Esme had loved so much.  It has made the resemblance between them even more startling; all the kids look like him, but there’s something about Tanner that sets him apart from the others. Something stronger in those genes; the same mannerisms and facial expressions. Even the same way of saying certain words. “Someone picks on him?”

“Mostly ‘cause people pick on the other kids and he gets mad about it and wants to protect them.”

It doesn’t surprise Tyler; TJ is the one that will take on his sister if he feels Millie is being mean to Tanner or picking on Declan.  And he doesn’t care if he gets the beating of a lifetime. He’s more than willing to put himself on the line if it means sticking up for the underdog.

“Millie has a boyfriend,” Tanner abruptly announces.

Tyler frowns.  “Your sister what now?”

“She has a boyfriend,” he casually responds.  

“What do you mean she has a boyfriend? She’s not even six yet.”

“Not like boyfriend and girlfriend like you and mommy.”

“Your mom and I are married. We haven’t been boyfriend and girlfriend in a long time.” Where they ever really? They’d never actually put a label on things. Did they just skip that stage? Just going from fucking one another to finding out about Millie to getting married? It had just seemed normal to them. Things had started out unconventionally and the trend just continued. “Who’s the boyfriend?”

“I dunno. Some kid in her class.”

“What’s his name?”

Tanner shrugs.

“What’s he look like?”

“What is this? Twenty questions?”

Tyler chuckles and kisses his son’s cheek. “You are your mother’s son.”

“He’s just some kid. I dunno his name.”

“Is he nice? To your sister?”

“He must be. She hasn’t punched him in the face yet.”

Fair point.

“I’ll give you another ten bucks if you find out what his name is,” Tyler offers.

Tanner shakes his head.  “Twenty.”

“For twenty I want pictures of him and his address.”

Tanner throws a hand up in exasperation. “How am I supposed to do that? I’m five.”

“Fifteen and you get me his first and last name.”

Tanner considers it, a pensive frown on his face as he stares down at the now empty mug in his hands. “I can do that,” he eventually agrees. “But I want the money before school tomorrow. Or no deal.”

“You get half tomorrow and the other half when you get the job done and give me the information. That’s how it works. I get proof, you get the rest of the money. You can’t extort me, mate. Nice try though.”

“What’s extort?”

“We got a deal or not?”

“Fine,” Tanner sighs. “Half tomorrow and half later. You’re tough.”

“I’ve got more experience in this stuff than you do. Ready? All done?”

The five-year-old yawns loudly and nods.  “I gotta pee though.”

“Go,” he tousles Tanner’s hair. “Hurry up. It’s late. And stay on the deck. Don’t pee on it. Do that in the sand. But do not go any farther than the end of the deck. Got it?”

“Got it,” he agrees, and then jumps off his father’s lap and hurries through the kitchen and out the sliding door.  

Tyler stands; grimacing at the tightness in his shoulder and the pain that shoots through his knee and travels all the way down the calf.  And he grabs one of the prescription bottles from the highest shelf above the sink and shakes out three of the pain pills and swallows them dry, then adds Tanner’s dirty mug to the dishwasher and turns it on.  

“Done!” Tanner announces, and runs towards him, laughing hysterically when his father effortlessly catches him and turns him upside down, his legs wrapping around Tyler’s neck. “Don’t drop me daddy!” he pleads. “You got me?”

“I got you, mate,” he promises, an arm securely pressed against his son’s stomach, free hand turning off the lights to the kitchen go. “Always.”

[yourkeeperoftherunners]

Fond

Plot: AU You come home for a holiday weekend from college, only to walk in on the exchange student staying with your parents. Some kids would be miffed that their parents sort of replaced their brother with a foreign exchange student and failing to tell the others about it. Oddly enough, he’s actually...great. Not that he’d ever replace your real brother, but bonding with him has been...

Rating: PG-13 (Language, Reader walks in on someone changing, teasing, light flirting)

Characters: Foreign Exchange Student!Felix x University Student Older Female Reader, featuring other members of Stray Kids

Notes: A long time ago, the Keeper hosted exchange students from Australia. (They were both girls and while we didn’t end up best friends, we got along well.) This little one shot was partly inspired by that, combined with the fact that Felix is from Australia and has a strong accent that is prevalent when he speaks English. Please note that the reader in this story is about 1-2 years older than Felix, who is in his final year of high school in this story.

I kind of consider this my gift to my readers on my birthday – thank you for checking out my work!

                                                         ***

Finally, you thought as you pulled off the freeway on your exit. A quick glance at your phone, currently mounted to the windshield, said that you had been sitting in traffic for close to an hour. Despite leaving a little earlier to beat the traffic, you managed to get caught in it toward the end of your trip.

You tapped your fingers against the steering wheel as you waited for the light to change. In a few minutes, you’d be home and could get out of this confined space known as your car.

The light changed and you accelerated, slowing as you neared the entrance to your neighborhood. You checked the cars in the opposite direction and turned once it was clear, eyes scanning the neighboring houses. You slowed down as you approached your driveway and turned into it.

It had been a while since you came home to visit your parents. This time would be different, as your younger brother was accepted for a high school exchange program in Australia and would be attending a school there for half of the year. Part of you had to wonder if this is what an only child got to look forward to when it was the holidays. Not that your brother was a bad person, but like any other siblings, you had your moments growing up.

                                                           ***

“Mom?”

“In the kitchen – washing dishes!” she called back.

You walked in with a smile, quickly planting a kiss on her cheek. She smiled and encouraged you to go ahead and get settled.

“How was the drive?” she asked.

You shrugged as you hoisted your duffle bag higher and made a beeline for your bedroom. Your hand rested on the doorknob and you glanced over your shoulder.

“Not bad, but it’s the weekend so of course it was slow,” you called over your shoulder. You twisted the knob and began to step inside your bedroom that you once shared with your younger brother.

“WHOA!” a deep voice blurted out.

You snapped your head in the direction of the voice and saw a boy – not your brother – fumbling to put a shirt on. Your eyes met his wide ones for a moment before you closed the door abruptly out of reflex.

You sucked in a sharp breath and turned away from the door, shifting your weight to one foot.

“Mom, did you forget to tell me something?” you demanded.

You heard your mom pause, followed by a plate being put away in the cupboard. “I thought I told you that your brother is doing study abroad for half of the year,” she called out.

“No, I remember that,” you said. “I meant, did you go out an adopt another kid while we were both gone?”

“Oh you mean Felix? Oh no honey, he’s an exchange student from Australia! Turns out the school your brother went to had a group of students come here and they needed more host families. Felix is only doing a semester too, so it works out perfectly!”

You took a deep breath and moved your duffle bag to the other shoulder. “I mean, that’s great, but where am I sleeping?”

There was a pause and your mom sighed from the kitchen, realizing the situation you were in. “Oh…well, you can take the couch right?”

You opened your mouth then closed it, taking a deep breath. Mom had a habit of being a bit forgetful – she would have something important to say but tended to wait until the person speaking was done, which resulted in her forgetting what she had to say. How she could forget she had another living being here the same time you were home was beyond you.

In your mind, this Felix guy wasn’t the problem – Mom’s memory was. It seemed unreasonable for her to force her own daughter to the couch for the holidays, but you didn’t want to be a dick for making Felix move. Also he probably wasn’t used to sharing a bedroom with a girl, so the couch was probably the best move.

The door to your bedroom opened and the person in question peered out. “Ah sorry ‘bout that,” he spoke up. He stepped into the hallway and slowly raised a hand. “Hi, I’m Felix Lee, AKA the Aussie student your mum’s hosting. Are you her daughter she talks about?”

You turned to face him and nodded dumbly, extending a hand for him to shake. He took it and you managed a convincing smile as you shook hands. It was almost comical – the guy standing before you looked every bit of a young boy with his small hands, slim figure, and youthful face, but the voice that came out was very deep and manly. Remembering your manners, you introduced yourself before letting go of his hand.

                                                          ***

“Mom we didn’t have to go out,” you insisted from your seat in the car.

She shook her head and said something about it being special. “Well I mean, you’re home, Felix is here,” she explained. “Oh and honey? Your dad’s stuck in another state for work. He might not be home until later in the weekend.”

“Weather or work?”

“I think weather,” she sighed. “Nasty storms in his part of the country and flights were grounded.”

You nodded to show you understood and kept your eyes to the front, avoiding Felix’s in the rear view mirror. While you had been friendly toward him, it still felt a little weird having some strange guy who was the same age as your brother pal around with you and your mom.

Eventually Felix learned you were oblivious to his presence before coming home from college, and he expressed guilt for kicking you out of your bedroom. He tried to be polite and offered to take the couch since it was your room first. But you didn’t want to be the rude person he’d remember from this country, so you insisted that it was fine and that you’d only be here for the weekend. You sensed that Mom taking both of you out to eat was her way of apologizing for the confusion.

She turned into the parking lot and found a spot. Once everyone exited the car, she made her way to the hostess stand and asked for a table for three.

                                                          ***

“You go ahead and order drinks – I need to run to the restroom,” Mom announced before leaving you alone at the table.

Felix watched as your mom speed walked around the waiters and slowly turned his attention back to you. You awkwardly stared back at him and flashed a faint smile. He rubbed the back of his neck, his fingers resting against his pulse point for a moment.

“I uh...take it I’m her or um your first exchange student?” he asked.

You nodded and opened your mouth to reply, only to spot the waitress coming to take drink orders.

“Aww are you two on a date?” she asked.

Both of you blinked and gestured to each other, trying to explain that he was an exchange student you were hosting. 

“Actually Miss I’m just a guest–”

“He’s from Australia – exchange program thing,” you added. “My mom’s in the bathroom but she would like a water please.”

The waitress nodded as she fished out the order pad and scribbled down the order. She looked to Felix who order water as well. You echoed that you too, would like water. Once the waitress left, you addressed Felix again.

“Yeah she loves kids and with both of us gone, I guess she’s suffering from empty nest syndrome,” you explained. “When my brother leaves for college, not sure how she’s gonna deal.” You looked around for your mom and shot him a sheepish smile.

“Did she take you to any other restaurants? I’m hoping not Outback.”

Felix winced and murmured that the Australian-gimmick restaurant chain had been mentioned, but he declined. “The voiceover’s horrible,” he commented. “I don’t think anyone sounds that exaggerated.”

You laughed, adding that it was probably some bad American actor who tried working with a bad dialect coach. “I’m sure he regrets it,” you added.

The young man snickered, dropping the hand on his neck. “So your mum said you’re in college. What do you study?”

“I study Music Production,” you shared. “I don’t want to perform but I like the idea of helping to do stuff behind the scenes for musicians.”

Felix leaned closer and tilted his head when he heard your response. “Oh really? Yeah I like music too. I’d like to do something with it, but my folks aren’t so sure and I don’t know what I’d like to do exactly.” He flattened his palm on the table and crossed a leg on top of the other.

“Is it...weird if I ask what it’s like? I mean your curriculum?” he asked.

You shook your head and settled into the booth, prepared to talk about your major.

                                                        ***

“Honey, how about both of you do something together?”

You looked up from your mug and Felix paused, mid-bite with a piece of toast in his hand.

“Like?” you asked.

Your mom shrugged and prompted that you could take Felix to the mall or maybe catch a movie. “Something, I mean I don’t want you two all cooped up inside on your phones all day!”

You swallowed the sip of coffee you were drinking and glanced over at Felix. “Mall okay? There’s actually a pretty good theater there and actually a decent music store.”

Felix nodded as he chewed on his toast, flashing a thumbs up.

                                                       ***

“I’m sorry you’re stuck dragging me around,” Felix commented once you got to the mall.

You shook your head and unclipped your seat belt. “It’s not a drag.”

“You were fine on the couch?” he asked with a skeptical look.

You nodded and he gave you a hard stare. You sighed and confessed it was a bit firmer than you liked.

“I noticed there is another bed in there – I’m guessing it’s yours?” he added. “Look, I think we can be mature and sleep in the same room. I’ve got sisters so it’s not that weird.”

“Wait really?”

He nodded and pulled out his phone. He looked at pictures and shared one of him with two girls. “Older sis and a younger one,” he shared. “Believe me, I know how to live with a girl, all the ups and downs.”

“It’s not like I’ve not seen a guy’s body with the way my brother acts,” you added with a shrug. “I mean, he’s walked around stark naked like it’s no big deal and I grew up dealing with that all the time.”

Felix snorted at the thought and you nodded, laughing. “Wow, he sounds...”

“Weird,” you finished, “but I love the little idiot.”

                                                        ***

“Whoa is this heaven?” he asked with wide eyes.

You chuckled as you crossed your arms over your chest. “Music heaven. Instruments, equipment, CDs, records – all under one roof. I spent a lot of time and money here before I left for college. That’s actually what made me want to do Music Production as a major.”

Felix stared at his surroundings, eyes wide in amazement as he took in the music store you were standing in. He wandered over to a Just In section and picked up a Sam Smith record, turning it over in his hands.

“Really like singing his stuff,” Felix admitted.

“I like his style,” you admitted as you joined him. “You sing?”

He ducked his head and brought his hand to his pulse point. “Um...sort of. I’m not professional or anything, but I do it for fun.”

You could tell he seemed a bit self conscious and you allowed a gentle smile to form. “Hey, I’d love to hear it some day. Only when you’re ready of course.”

                                                         ***

“C’mon, c’mon how is it there?” his cousin demanded. “You sick of cheeseburgers yet?”

“I actually haven’t had a burger in a while,” Felix confessed as he shifted the phone to his other hand. “Yeah, the family’s real nice and they actually offered me a healthy brekkie. Like fruit, toast, and yoghurt – not dessert for breakfast.”

“You said they have a daughter? I wanna meet her!” another boy blurted out from the other side of the screen.

“Why? So you can scare her?” Felix teased with a raised brow. “Not a chance Han.”

“Come on!” Han protested.

“Ah my cousin’s probably having dreams about her,” Chan teased with a smirk. “Wants her all to himself.”

“Stop it, she’s older – it’s not like that!” Felix insisted with a pout.

That only made the pair hoot and they teased him more. “Felix’s got a noona kink!”

“Who’s Newna?” you asked as you entered the room, looking for a pair of pajamas.

Felix sat up straighter and brought the phone closer to him. “It’s not a person – my stupid cousin’s calling and he’s being an idiot.”

Chan pretended to be wounded and he clutched his chest. “I’m so hurt by that!”

Han snickered at the elder’s misfortune and Felix rolled his eyes at the two through his phone.

“Tell them you’re alive and the people aren’t as mad here as they think,” you called back before leaving.

Chan and Han stopped joking around when they heard your voice and they looked in the direction it came from. “Wow, that’s the daughter?”

“She sounds hot,” Chan declared. “When you say older, like how much older? Older than me?”

“G’night!” Felix said as he ended the call quickly.

                                                             ***

“It’s never long enough,” your mom sighed, looking wistful. She squeezed you in another hug before letting go.

“You know I’m not much more than a hour or two away,” you reminded her. “I can always call.”

“I know, but seeing you in person is the best,” she insisted.

Felix watched as you two said your goodbyes and he shyly walked up to you. He seemed unsure of what to do though. Should he hug you? Shake your hand? Offer a high five?

You held your arms out and he realized that it was a hug. He smiled as he stepped closer and allowed his arms to wrap around you.

“I know things were awkward when we first met, but it’s been great meeting you,” he said. “I really enjoyed the music store and um...maybe we can hang again before I go?”

You nodded with a smile as you pulled away. “Course,” you confirmed. “Hey if your cousin and his friend give you grief again, let me know and I’ll straighten them out. Sounds like they were making fun of you.”

“Ah they’re just jealous that I got picked to go and they’re stuck at home with our boring teachers and the same old stuff,” he shrugged. He raised a hand as you got into your car and slowly backed it out of the driveway.

You waved back before straightening out and switching it to Drive, before leaving the neighborhood, headed back to campus.

Your mom stared at the place where your car had been and sighed. She glanced over at Felix and smiled fondly at him.

“I’m really glad you two got along,” she said. “By the way, you two only slept in –”

“Whoa! I slept in one bed and she was in the other!” Felix flushed, eyes blown wide. “Nothing, nothing like that other thing happened!”

Your mom winked and added that she was only teasing him. He relaxed and shook his head.

Maybe he did like you but whether it was like a sister or possibly a love interest, he wasn’t sure. For now, he was content he met someone else that treated him like a normal human being, instead of highlighting his age or something else. 

“I’m really glad you’re here,” your mom added. “It’s hard being a mom when everyone’s so far away.”

Felix nodded and offered her a hug. “I get it. Thanks for being my host mum. I don’t think I could have asked for a better family than the one I got.”

She beamed at the compliment and sighed as she pulled away. “I’m glad you’re also nothing like my son. I love him, but sometimes...”

Felix laughed as he followed her back inside. “You know, I kinda want to meet him. Sounds like a character.”

[gingers-writing-blog]

New York Bound

Chapter 1

The story starts in April 1899.

Triggers: Mild Swearing, One Punch, Mention of Blood

New Words: /

Word Count: 2,819

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Come on guys! Wake up and get a move on! Those papers ain't gonna sell themselves!" I shout over the noise of the busy London streets below. It's only half-past seven but some people, like the blacksmiths, maids and landlords, have been up for at least an hour; and these lazy newsies are still asleep! It had been rainin' last night, so there were some puddles on the roads and pavements and the cold wind was blowin'. It blew a few stray paper bags from the shops down the street. It was only just light outside, but it's April, so what's new...

I hear a few people stirrin' from their sleep.

"Aye! Lucky! Ya should be up by now. I can't run this place all by myself!" I twist around from the window and call over to the girl that helps me run the Westminster Newsies. She's barely awake!

I saunter over to my boyfriends' bed and try and shake him awake. We both laugh as he waves his arms around blindly tryin' to shove me away.

"Come on Tommy! Get ya lazy arse up!" I shove him playfully, and he almost fell off the bed, but he grabbed onto my hand and pulled me, so I was lyin' next to him. He put his arm around me and I almost forgot about sellin' papers...

"Mornin'." He said quietly, while tracin' the outline of the small birthmark next to my left eye. He was really warm, and it was a nice change from the freezin' cold of the lodgin' house. His cute Aussie accent came through a lot in the mornin', and sometimes he would make it really thick and I would try and guess what the hell he was sayin'! Yeah, I love him with all my heart.

"Mornin'," I said back. We ended up starin' into each other's eyes. I love his eyes, amazin' deep brown; they were like the fancy chocolate that ya see in shop windows in the rich part of the city.

"For Christs' sake, get a room! So much for wake up and get a move on, ey' Cat!" Our little moment was interrupted by none other than Lucky. I turn my head around and see her pickin' up her dice that she always takes around with her, ya know, just in case she gets tied up in another gamblin' game...again...

"Right! This is payback for all the times I have to listen to ya and Smalls swoonin' over each other!" I reply, flashin' her a cocky grin.

'Scuse my manners, I should introduce myself. My name is Caitlin. Caitlin Barnes to be precise, but I go by Cat. I am 15 and I live in Westminster Borough, London. I am one of the two leaders of the Newsies here; the other leader is a girl called Lucky. Our lodgin' house is in Westminster City, which is quite near the borders of Lambeth and Camden; and it is a mess, I mean, there are clothes, shoes and caps everywhere! If ya borough rankin' was based on how tidy ya lodgin' house is, we would be right at the bottom!

The boroughs are ranked by one thing and one thing only. It's not how many people there are in ya borough and it's not how tidy ya Lodgin' House is. Thank god! It's by how much money ya make every month, and we make a fair amount. Mikey, the Polish kid, is the resident maths genius and he always adds up all our money every night.

Westminster is actually one of the smallest boroughs in London, but we all look after each other. Turf wars are a nightmare! Ya can usually tell which boroughs are run by boys because they are the quickest to get into fights; whereas the boroughs run by girls, like Camden, City and obviously here, are more diplomatic and don't want to get anyone killed! Although Angel's Bromley ain't on my list of allies...and that system ain't always correct.

We always think of the famous Spot Conlon and Jack Kelly when we need to defend ourselves. Sorry, I'm probably borin' ya with this, they probably don't know it, but they're famous over here!

There's a kid named Roger who was sent over here by his aunt in New York, he's from Brooklyn and he told us all about Spot Conlon, his borough leader, and Jack Kelly, the leader of a borough called Manhattan. He called them the best leaders their side of the pond!

Anyways, after we were rudely interrupted by my co-leader, Tommy Boy released me from his warm, tight hug, gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and we both got out of his bed.

I walked away from him while he chatted to Albie, one of the few people who actually live with their parents, but he was doin' stuff, so they let him stay here for the night. Mikey was stuff.

Yeah...

I made it over to Elise and Adelaide's beds. Those girls came over from France, just like my father, but they don't speak any English.

Luckily, my father did. So, he taught me and my mother, I tried to learn, but I don't have the right head for it, my brain prefers English and reading things in English. I only know a few basic phrases. Seams knows French though. She's the only one who can talk to them with any certainty of what they're sayin'!

"Tres bien mesdames! Il est temps de porter la banniere!" I said to them I saw someone, Red I think, glance over at them. They're new and I don't think they knew what Seams said!

That means "Alright ladies! Time to carry the banner!" by the way! Meanin', time to get up and sell the papers before it's too late! It's pretty much the only phrase I know for sure.

I chatted for a bit with Chase and how he flirted with his girlfriend last night! I know that doesn't sound very interestin', but he was either drunk or just really tired, but when he asked if she was single, he cried! It was way funnier if ya was there...

The two of us laughed for a bit. He went red and smiled, embarrassed. I left him to get dressed and walked back to my bed, clappin' him on the back as I went! I weaved my way back to my bed and kissed Tommy as I passed him.

I got my clothes out of my bedside drawer and laid them out on my bed, pushin' my recently-finished book aside. I put my bra on backwards, then twisted it around under my shirt. I pulled the straps up and took my nightshirt off.

Tommy Boy looked up and blushed when he saw me. I saw him out of the corner of my eye and grinned back at him.

"Whattaya got for me today babe?"

"Alright! Uhhhh...try and guess what this means!" There's this thing Tommy and I do every mornin'. He tells me some Aussie slang and I have to guess what the hell he means, and then I say somethin' in French and he tries to guess what I mean.

I looked over at him from where I was changin' into my day clothes.

"What are daks?" He said, with a cute little smirk.

"Ya what?" I laughed. I had absolutely no idea what he meant by 'Daks'. I love this idiot!

"Y'know! Daks! Ya wearin' 'em right now!" I stood there, lookin' down at myself. I was standin' next to my bed in my bra and trousers.

"Does it mean trousers?" It sounded ridiculous! I bent down and grabbed my blue and off-white striped undershirt and pulled it on as he replied.

"Yup! Well done! Ya gettin' betta at guessin'! That was an easy one though..." He grinned at the last bit.

"Right," I decided I was gonna give him a hard one. I clapped my hands together, rubbed them together and stuck my tongue out a bit while I thought of my plan. "Got it! Journaux. Take a crack at that!"

I pulled my mother's old red and grey shirt on and laughed at the look of complete confusion on his face. It was adorable, and he started laughin' with me. I gave him some time to think while I did up the buttons and put my black waistcoat, socks and shoes on as fast as I could. I had to time this perfectly.

The laces of my brown work boots were still undone when I walked over to him, wrapped my arms around his neck and looked up at him. God, I hope I timed this right!

Ding! Ding! Ding! YES!!!

"It means newspapers!" I said as the distribution bell rang out! I kissed him quickly and left him to get dressed. He was still shirtless and had only managed to put his trousers, socks and shoes on! Whereas I was fully dressed if ya don't count my hat.

I grabbed my hat off the end of my bed and yelled out to my newsies.

"Come of guys! Carry the banner!" I yelled out to everyone. They went thunderin' down the stairs. Most of 'em went two at a time and I'm really surprised that someone doesn't die or get really hurt every day!

"Ey! CAT?" I heard someone yell from the doorway to the stairs. I turned around to see who it was.

"Yeah, Fletch?" That's Fletcher. No one really knows where he came from, but we soon found out that he's wicked strong. Like, unnaturally strong, we had a bit of a situation and we needed to clear the main room. Fletcher just came up and lifted up a chair, Patch was still sittin' on it! And he just lifted it up like it was nothin'! Boy, crutch and all!

"What day is it?" His head bobbed up and down as he jumped to see over the few remainin' people.

"Uhhh...Tuesday 25th." I said just as everyone else made it out the door and down the stairs, Fletcher nodded to me, turned and ran down the stairs. I turned back to Tommy and we chuckled a bit about his slightly strange question, but we shrugged it off soon enough.

Once everyone was out, it was just me and Tommy. I bent down and did my shoes up and put my hat on and let my hair hang down. It fell past my waist and there was so much of it, I could rarely fit all of it in my hat!

"C'mon! Ya nearly ready?" I wandered over to the door leadin' to the landin' and the stairs down to the ground floor. The dormitories of the 'Mayfair Lodging House' - and every other lodgin' house, for that matter - were on the 2nd floor. The middle floor had the kitchens, but we don't use that much, and the near-permanently locked storeroom.

The storerooms were only to be unlocked in an emergency, and only the leaders of the boroughs had the key. Now, I have a feelin' about what ya goin' to say...But Mayfair has two leaders!? That's definitely true, but if a borough has two leaders, the first to actually become leader gets the key.

And that would be me. I was made leader when I was 12 because of some emergency from the old leader, Note; then when I was 14, last year, I "promoted" Lucky to become my co-leader. I always keep the key on a long black ribbon around my neck and tucked into my bra. I even sleep with it on because Angel snuck in and almost stole it from my bedside table. From then on, I kept it on at all times. No one that lives in the Lodging House has seen the inside of it...I don't even know if it's ever been opened before and the many times I've looked under the door, all I could see was darkness and dust...

I stood there thinkin' and waitin' for Tommy to finish tyin' his shoelaces up and grab his hat before he ran over to me. I thought he would stop next to me like he did every other day...but I guess every other day we haven't been this late. So instead, he planted a quick kiss on my lips and bolted down the stairs!

"Race ya to the gates!" He called out.

"Hey! Ya got a head start!" I yelled after him, jumpin' down the stairs two at a time. He bolted out the door and closed it after him!

"Really!?" I said, laughin' under my breath. I opened the door quickly and then slammed it shut and ran after him.

Now, what he didn't take into account, was that I was one of the fastest runners in all of the Westminster Newsies, but he knew he was always faster. I guess he just wanted to let me win...for once!

We got to the Distribution Gates with about five seconds to spare before they locked up! The Jordan Brothers were just about to lock the gates when we got right up to them and I stuck my arm through the gap between the rapidly closin' iron gates.

"Oi! Dan! Joey! 100 each!" Tommy yelled. Dan opened the gates reluctantly.

"Why was you two late?" That was Mr Fink. He is a literal weasel. He's the Jordan Brother's uncle and he is the paper distributor for Westminster. Despite bein' a complete arsehole, he's a fat man, he always looks like he's got a permanent hangover and he has a face a potato would be proud of. But 'e can throw a hard punch...

He sneered at us as we walked up the slope to the hatch.

"None o' ya business, Fink." I retorted.

"It's Mister Fink to ya." He slammed his hand down of the countertop. 

He wanted money.

I slammed my 50 pence piece with just as much force as he slammed his hand down. The price of the papers is two for a penny. So, its 50 pence for 100 papers. Most of the time it's an alright price, but if it's cold, or windy, or rainin'...then not so much. Fuck it! It's England! It's like that most of the time! Our Septembers are usually pretty good though...

I laughed under my breath and took my papers once he put them on the countertop.

"What's so funny? Huh?" Dan Jordan grabbed onto my arm as I jumped down from the platform at the top of the slope; he was standin' near the raised platform, but on the floor instead of the ramp.

"Oh, nothin'!" I replied sarcastically, fakin' innocence.

"Don't believe ya!" His grip on my arm tightened.

"Get offa me, Dan." I gave him my death-stare, full of anger and hate. I wouldn't let him bully us. He didn't loosen his grip at all. I clenched my fist, preparin' for a fight. I wasn't scared to fight the Jordan Brothers! They might be a few years older than us, but I know Tommy and I can take 'em.

Then he said somethin' that would've scared me shitless a few years ago...

"The Foreman says hello." My stare wavered and I looked down for a second, before raisin' my head again and death-stared him again. I was tryin' to form a plan of attack that wouldn't end up in either or both of us endin' up dead in an alleyway in the East End.

By that time, Fink had given Tommy Boy his papers, and he managed to get behind Joey without gettin' punched. Tommy grabbed Dan's left shoulder with his right hand and tore him away from me, his hand comin' away from my arm.

Tommy threw him to the ground and punched him hard in the face. The punch drew blood and Joey looked even more pissed off than usual.

"Run Cat!" He yelled. I was lookin' around for Joey and Fink, but a massive stack of papers had fallen, or had been pushed, in front of the door they had to get through to get to us. Joey and Fink were swearin' at us through the barred window of the door.

"Run!" I looked back at Tommy and Dan. Dan had a small cut on his face and Tommy was sprintin' towards me, his 100 papers still under his left arm. I still had mine and he grabbed the arm that wasn't supportin' the papers and tugged me out of the distribution square.

I locked the gates and we ran away from them as fast as we could, down slippery streets and across rain-soaked roads, until we collapsed out of breath with laughter on the wet, cold grass of the Victoria Tower Gardens, near my sellin' spot; I swear I didn't plan it this time!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N I really hope you enjoyed this first chapter! I’m looking forward to you reading the next ones! Please like and roblog. Have a perfect day!

[yarnings]

You’ll Have to Excuse me... I’ve Been Gone for a Month

Merry Christmas! Have some None So Scots. This is my first fic on Tumblr that wasn’t for @gotham-ruaidh‘s writing workshop, so be nice (not really. I still want to hear if there’s a huge plot hole, or if there’s something you find really troubling). Gotham still gets the credit of course. Don’t blame her for the fact that this story really hasn’t been edited enough. I don’t have the patience to wait long enough to edit it properly, especially since I like the symmetry of posting Thanksgiving dinner right after Christmas, having posted Christmas dinner shortly after Thanksgiving.

Towards the end of September, James Alexander Malcolm Mackenzie Fraser was lying in bed, in his apartment, browsing Macleans online, when his sister phoned him. Startled, he almost dropped his smartphone before answering.

“Hey Jenny, what’s up?”

“Nothing much, Jamie. I’m just calling to invite you to the farm for Thanksgiving dinner on the Sunday.”

Taken aback both by his sister’s tone and the invitation, he forgot about his resolution to keep his language at all times classroom appropriate.

“What the hell, Jenny? Since when do I need an invitation to eat Thanksgiving dinner at home?”

“How about since you moved out, and we’d like you to eat Thanksgiving dinner at Lallybroch with us?”

Jamie forced himself to take a deep breath and count to te-

“If you’re still willing to spend time with us, of course.”

-four. Four was a good number to count to.

“Janet. I know we discussed this during the summer. I’ve hardly moved out, I just have an apartment for during the week. Saves me from having to get up at 5:30 every morning.”

“Generally speaking, people who haven’t moved out, and are still planning on helping out around the farm, have spent more than one night since Labour Day at home.”

Breathing heavily (snorting, really) through his nose, Jamie ground out through his teeth “Perhaps this is a conversation we should be having in person, not over the phone. Since I apparently am expected to stay in the city next weekend, perhaps we can do it at Thanksgiving?”

“Can’t. You’re bringing a guest.”

“What do you mean I’m bringing a guest? Who might this guest be? Are they hiding under my bed? Nope, no one there.”

Jenny sighed heavily, the sound carrying through the phone’s speaker and filling the bedroom.

“Don’t be an arse. You know that mom’s doctor finally arrived? Mom invited her to come for Thanksgiving, since she obviously doesn’t have any family or even any friends here yet.” The new doctor wasn’t Ellen Mackenzie’s in the sense of Ellen being her patient. But when Jamie and Jenny’s mom had decided to start leaving more and more of the day-to-day running of the farm to Jenny and her husband Ian Murray, she hadn’t so much done less work as redirected the work she was doing. She had organised a physician recruitment committee, and directed it in the unusual direction of not trying to bring in a family doctor, but to hire a surgeon for the hospital. The committee’s work had succeeded, Ellen had managed to get all the visas in order, and the new surgeon had just arrived from England.

“I’ll send you the details about picking her up. And can I put you in charge of potatoes and cranberry sauce? We’ll do your usual pies for you, because they won’t travel well by car. The doctor is the only guest this year, so it’s us, mom, Murtagh and you in addition to her.” Barely giving Jamie time to confirm that he would bring the requested dishes, she hung up.

 When the alarm went off, Dr. Claire Elizabeth Beauchamp was lying on her new bed, not so much sleeping or even dozing as simply staring blankly at the opposite wall, exhausted and somewhat overwhelmed. Before this move she would have said that she was used to moving around a lot, and didn’t have any trouble adjusting to a new place. But this was her first time in a foreign country on her own, and to her surprise that made a big difference. Thankfully she didn’t have much to move; the household supplies that had been provided for her may very well have outnumbered her possessions. (Why on earth would anyone need that many pots? And three different vases? She was wondering if more than one recruitment committee member had taken it upon themselves to provide a full set of everything that they thought she might have left behind in Oxfordshire.)

She was feeling less and less certain about having accepted the invitation to dinner today. (“Well, we call it dinner, but it’s more of a combined lunch and dinner. We eat in the early afternoon. Come hungry.”) But at least it meant she wouldn’t have to cook. The takeaway options here were limited, and she didn’t feel like having to track down some groceries and cook for herself just yet. Putting on some nicer clothes and meeting some people was probably less work than that.

She stepped out the front door of the building just as a tall young man was approaching from visitor parking. He was a few years younger than her, approaching 2 metres, and had a head of red curls, just like Ms. Mackenzie had described her son.

“Dr. Beauchamp?” Unconsciously, Jamie shifted his accent towards a more international French, away from his usual, Canadian, pronunciation, in an attempt to impress the vision of loveliness in front of him.

“Je utilise la pronunciation anglais, c’est <<beech-am>>. Vous êtes M Fraser?” Claire blinked and realised what she had just said. “I’m so sorry, I’m a little tired and I guess I thought we were speaking French for a moment there. I was just saying that my name has a very English pronunciation – it’s ‘beech-am’.” Her accent sounded very cozy to Jamie. To his inexperienced ear it was neither working-class nor particularly posh, but beyond that he couldn’t tell. Not that he cared. All he knew was that it sounded perfect.

“Pas de problem. Je parle français aussi,” Jamie continued, switching to English, with a shy grin. “I teach the French stream for Primary – that’s the 5- and 6-year-olds – actually. It’s a change to be M Fraser to an adult instead of someone at waist height.” He waved at the car. “I’ve been told that you’re who Mom is dragging out to the farm for Thanksgiving this year. She delegated the dragging part to me though. Shall we?”

Claire walked to the door of the car, and only after opening it noticed the steering wheel.

“I’m sorry,” she said again. “I think I might be a bit jetlagged still.”

From where he was holding the passenger door open for her, Jamie grinned at her. “No worries. If you want to nap on the way I won’t tell on you.” As she came around the car, Claire looked at him with confusion.

“Wait, nap? I thought your mother lived close.”

“She’s not very far. It’s maybe a 45 minute drive.”

Claire’s eyes bugged out. “Bloody hell, that’s considered “not far”? I always thought that people were joking when they talked about distances here.” Jamie politely ignored her confusion, and walked around to the driver’s side to get into the car himself.

Despite the fact that she had never met him before, Claire found herself feeling surprisingly comfortable with Mr. Fraser, as if an instant friendship had sprung up in just the few sentences they exchanged. So comfortable, in fact, that in the companionable silence in the car she did end up dozing off. Reaching one-handed into the backseat, Jamie dug out an old plaid blanket he kept in the car for emergencies. Keeping one hand on the wheel and most of an eye on the road, he tucked it around her as they drove on.

During the drive to his family’s farm, Jamie kept stealing glances at the fascinating woman sitting in the seat next to him. Despite the popularity of holding Thanksgiving dinner on Sunday, traffic was light, allowing him this extended distraction. Apparently most people had either already done any travelling needed, or else were actually having Thanksgiving dinner on the day of. It occurred to Jamie that he probably should have asked around to see if any of his coworkers were on their own for the holiday, and maybe hosted a dinner on Monday. He mused on this for a while, enjoying the scenery outside the car almost as much as he enjoyed the scenery inside it. Eventually, he noticed that they were getting close to the end of the trip.

“Dr. Beauchamp? We’re almost there; you probably want to wake up now.” When she didn’t respond, he reached out and gently laid his hand on her shoulder. She started awake, and blinked at him.

“Lallybroch is just a few more minutes, I figured you probably wanted a bit of warning.” She screwed up her face, giving him a grimace that was probably intended to be a smile. They sat in silence for a few minutes, neither one wanting to shatter the fragile sense of intimacy that had grown out of her napping in his presence. But Claire’s curiosity got the better of her after a little bit.

“Lallybroch? That’s an interesting name.”

“It’s Scots Gaelic. Means ‘lazy tower’. My parents had to take the tower down for safety reasons when they bought the property, but they kept the name. Changing it would have been too many changes for the community to tolerate.”

Claire laughed at the mock-solemn look on Jamie’s face. “So you speak Gaelic as well as French then?”

“Not really. My mom has a fair bit more of it than I do. Some of her relatives, especially as they got older, weren’t very good in English, so she practiced it a lot. But knowing the name of the house you grew up in doesn’t take much.” As he explained this, Jamie smoothly turned off the road into the private drive, long practice letting him know where the rough parts where and how to avoid them.

When Jamie parked the car by the house and they got out, Claire insisted on helping him carry the food inside. “After all, you did the driving. I promise that I won’t try to take credit for it myself.” As they walked up to the door, Ellen opened it for them, saving Jamie from the dilemma of whether his sister would be more annoyed if he rang the bell (confirming that this was no longer home) or just walked right in (ignoring her accusation that he had moved out). It also saved him from having to decide whether he wanted to do the one that would annoy her more or the one that would annoy her less.

“Come in, come in!” Jamie’s mother called out, taking bowls from them and taking them into the kitchen. Arms free, Jamie and Claire took off their coats and shoes, leaving them by the door. Claire followed Jamie into what appeared to be the living room, where Ellen bustled out of a door that appeared to also lead to the kitchen.

“So nice to finally meet you in person, Dr. Beauchamp! I’m Ellen, as I’m sure you guessed.” She stuck out her hand to Claire. Her callused griped was firm, but she didn’t try playing any dominance games as she shook Claire’s hand.

““I really appreciate all the work you’ve put in to making my move here smooth. And it was so generous of you to invite me to your dinner. Oh, and please, call me Claire. And you too.” The last was directed to the room at large, starting with Jamie.

“Well then, I’m Jamie, Claire.” Jenny shot her brother a dark look at this, wordlessly saying You spent how long with this woman in a social setting and only now share your first name? She stepped forward, offering a handshake of her own.

“I’m Jenny, and this is my husband Ian, with our daughter Katherine” the tiny woman said, pointedly offering only first names as she gestured to the dark-haired man sitting in a plush chair, holding a baby who was industriously pulling at the bows in her dress in an attempt to remove them so she could eat them. Claire nodded to Ian, and cooed over Katherine. The last person in the living room, a wiry, somewhat disheveled man silently nodded at her.

“This is Murtagh Fraser. His grandmother was my late husband’s grandfather’s oldest sister, and he’s Jamie’s godfather. But close friend of the family might be a better description.” Claire shook Murtagh’s hand as she parsed the relationship.

“So you’re second cousins by marriage,” she said, pointing at Ellen and Murtagh. “And they’re his second cousins once removed,” pointing at Jenny and Jamie. Murtagh flashed her a quick grin, transforming his face for a brief instant. Claire had the feeling she had just passed some kind of obscure test.

Ellen invited Claire to take a seat, and almost immediately bustled back to the kitchen in response to a timer. She was followed by Jamie who wanted to check on the food he’d brought and it’s reheating, then Murtagh, who came back only to send Jenny in to confer with Ellen on the subject of turkey carving. Shortly afterwards Ellen herself returned, announcing that dinner was ready.

Once everyone was settled around the dinner table (except Katherine, who was playing with brightly coloured plastic in a playpen), Ellen said a prayer for the meal, and the feast began. In addition to Jamie’s cranberry sauce, the turkey was accompanied by gravy and a large dish of dressing (“And there’s more in the kitchen, so take as much as you want.”) There were rolls with butter, a green salad, Brussel sprouts and, to pair with the mashed potatoes, a dish of mashed rutabaga. This last caused some confusion, as none of the Cape Bretoners knew the name “swede” until Google was consulted for a picture. Claire found herself in a swirl of dishes being passed, leaving plates piled high with food in their wake. “If you need anything else, or want more of something, please, just ask.” Wine was poured, and water jugs placed out on the table, and everyone started to eat.

When Jenny had a half plate of food remaining, Katherine suddenly switched from happily entertaining herself to wailing. Jenny sighed, looking at her dinner and started to get up. Ian stopped her. “I’ll change her diaper first, you can have a bite more right now before you have to come in and nurse her.” He walked off into the house, carrying the crying baby.

Jenny took Ian’s advice and tucked into the food on her plate while it was still warm and she had company in her eating. Seeing the concern on Claire’s face, Ellen explained “Katherine isn’t fond of wet diapers. And she’s been up for a while, so she’s tired. Nothing’s actually wrong, she’s just not able to handle the discomfort. A dry diaper, a full belly and she’ll nap.” Claire smiled her thanks, not very used to interacting with small children, especially not healthy ones.

Once Jenny left to nurse Katherine, Ellen looked at Jamie and quietly said “Jamie, I’ve been wondering. You seem to be doing quite well in the city. How would you feel if moved into the granny flat, instead of you just storing your stuff there? You could have my old room as yours, so you wouldn’t need to be staying in a guest room every time you were home. And between Katherine, and the fact that you have your own place now, Jenny and Ian shouldn’t be having to live in my house. And it’s going to be my house unless I move out.” Not really having a choice, despite how his mother phrased things, and appreciating that she had waited until Jenny was out of the room to raise the issue, Jamie agreed.

“After dessert I’ll go see if there’s anything I want to take back with me today. But I can’t do anything about the majority of the books right now. Maybe I should come back tomorrow? Or I can come home after school. After all, I made the trip daily for a couple of years, I’m sure I can manage it for a few nights.” His mother raised an eyebrow at him.

“I’m not overly picky about it being done that quickly. Just so long as I don’t have to move all those books myself.” Jamie glared at his mother, but given the size of his personal library (at least the hard copy portion of it) he had no reasonable reply. Ian smirked a bit at this; having been recruited to help Jamie install the bookshelves, he was quite happy to have someone on his side about the excessiveness of the collection.

Murtagh grunted. “I’ll swing by the NSLC for you and grab some boxes. You might not be able to fit enough in your car if you do it yourself.” Ellen and Ian burst out laughing, and even Claire, who had been feeling slightly awkward while this not-quite-a-fight was going on snickered. Ian shot her a reassuring glance, understanding how she felt, as Jenny returned with a triumphant look on her face.

“Out like a light! Hopefully she’ll stay down, I never quite trust it when she falls asleep so quickly.” Fortunately Jenny’s worries proved to be unfounded, and the adults were able to enjoy the rest of the meal leisurely.

At the end of the meal, as the plates were being passed to Ellen to return to the kitchen, Claire offered another round of praise for the food.

“That was amazing. You’re all such good cooks. I’ve never had a meal like this one, and this was an amazing introduction.”

Jenny looked at Claire curiously. “I know that turkey is a New World food, and the cranberries, but the meal as a whole can’t have been that different from what English food is like.”

“I can’t really say, actually,” Claire replied. “We never really ate it. I was raised by my uncle, he was an archeologist. When we were out at one of his digs, he would hire a local cook. At home he tended towards curries. You have to remember that his generation grew up hating home cooking. He was 2 when food rationing started during the war, and 16 when it was fully lifted. So, once he got to choose, he stuck with a diet that didn’t resemble what he ate as a child.”

Ellen had grabbed the stack of plates to take to the kitchen. Claire grabbed a couple of serving dishes at random and followed her, to a disapproving shake of Murtagh’s head. In the kitchen, Ellen turned around and realised it was Claire who had helped out.

“Oh, Claire. You’re a guest, you didn’t need to do that. Here, I’ll take those. Why don’t you go and relax? I’ll have dessert out in a jiffy.” Claire rejoined the table in time for Jamie and Jenny to hop up with dishes to clear, leaving her at the mercy of the quiet members of the family. To her pleased surprise, Ian turned out to be perfectly capable of holding up his end of the conversation, as long as his wife and in-laws weren’t filling up all the spaces. Claire found herself immersed in his stories about shenanigans at Fort Mac. Before she knew dessert, in the form of pumpkin and apple pies, along with a bowl of freshly-whipped cream had appeared on the table.

“Would you like pumpkin or apple, Claire?” Ellen hovered her knife between two pies.

Seeing her indecision, Jamie leaned over to her and stage-whispered. “Both is generally an accepted answer.”

Claire blushed, but took Jamie’s advice. She felt less awkward when everyone except Murtagh (who asked for a larger piece of pumpkin instead) followed her lead. Unsure as to which pie she wanted to eat first and which one she wanted to save for last, she tried a bite of apple, followed by a bite of pumpkin, at which point she understood Murtagh’s logic. To her embarrassment, her appreciative moan was audible to everyone at the table. Even Jenny grinned at it.

“It appears that you’ve managed to make an acceptable substitute for my pie, Jenny.”

Claire ignored Jamie. “This is amazing. What do you put in it?”

“It’s a custard with pumpkin puree and basically mixed spice.” Jenny was quite proud of her knowledge of British culinary terms, and was thrilled to get an excuse to refer to mixed spice.

“Did you use my jar of spice mix, Jenny? Because if you did, there’s cardamom in there too.” Jamie was far less concerned with keeping his recipe secret than with taking credit for the pie’s success.

Not to be left out, Ellen piped up with her contribution. “And we used rum in the whipped cream instead of vanilla. Pairs much better with the pies that way.”

“Whatever it is you did, it’s great.”

Jamie and Jenny, however, weren’t listening, and kept verbally poking at each other for the duration of dessert, with the occasional comment from Ian and Ellen thrown in.

By the time the table was cleared again Jamie, who was still blaming his sister for the entirety of the argument over whether or not he’d moved out, as well as him having stayed in the city the last weekend and this one, realised that he was at a profound disadvantage from the assumption that Lallybroch was no longer “home”. Had it been agreed that he was living at Lallybroch, or even if he had been home for the weekend, he could have argued that someone else should drive Claire back, but as it was, clearly he was expected to drive back with her tonight. And, given that her nap in the car on the way here seemed to be wearing off, he really couldn’t join in the after-dinner drinks, as he would likely be making that trip soon. Irritated by this, he announced that he was going to his room to see what he could pack.

Jenny watched him leave with ill-concealed annoyance, and turned to Ellen, who was looking doubtful.

“It’s going to be so odd having an actual granny in the granny flat, eh mom?”

Ellen laughed. “Remember how upset Jamie got when we let him move out there in high school, but kept calling it the granny flat? He always said that since it was only him and Murtagh who had actually lived there that it should be the dude room.” She turned to Claire. “See, when Brian and I bought Lallybroch, pretty much every single building on the land was in disrepair. It ended up being cheaper to just tear them all down and replace them. Now, we were only able to afford the farm because the price was heavily discounted due to all these repairs. We were a bit tight for being able to rebuild everything. But we got lucky, and ended up with a budget – or rather something of a blank cheque – for building the house. Just the house mind you, so if we didn’t spend the money on it, it was gone. So we made sure there was everything we wanted. And after we had all the rooms I was willing to clean, we decided in a fit of optimism to add on a granny flat. We intended it as such, and always called it that, even when it was a glorified guest room, or an apartment for family who needed a place to stay. So Jenny’s right, when I move in will be the first time that the granny flat is used as such. Oh, can I get you some more wine?”

Claire looked down at this apparent non-sequitur, and realised that she had indeed finished her wine without noticing. Hmmm. Not a good sign if she was tired enough to not notice that she was drinking. While she had nothing against enjoying a few drinks on occasion, she was aware that there was a strong correlation between how much she had had to drink, and how much more blunt she got. And given that her usual tendency towards bluntness was exacerbated by being tired, too tired to notice how much she was drinking was not a good situation with people she didn’t know well, and really wanted to stay on the good side of. (Aside from lingering worries about making a good impression on Ellen, Claire found herself very much enjoying the company of the family, and held some vague hopes of seeing them socially again.)

Much to her relief, Jamie re-entered the room. They caught each other’s eyes, and spoke simultaneously.

“Jamie, I’m sorry, but I think…”

“I can take you back anytime you need, Claire. Let me know”

Murtagh let out a chuckle as Jamie and Claire paused to figure out what the other had said.

“Thank you so much Jamie. I don’t mean to take you away from your family, but the trip and time change are catching up with me.”

“No worries. I’ll probably come back later tonight or tomorrow anyhow.”

“That will make Katherine happy,” interjected Jenny. “She always likes to see you.” Jamie grinned at this, being as enamoured with his tiny niece as his mother was, and taking the olive branch from his sister for what it was.

A few minutes later, Jamie was backing out of the driveway. His leftovers were still in the kitchen, except for those parts of them that had ended up in the bundle of food his mother had handed to Claire as they were heading out the door.

Despite her fatigue, she stayed awake for the trip this time, chatting easily with Jamie, and watching the scenery out the windows. She found him more than able to share what he knew of local history, answering all the questions she had, and offering up the occasional tidbit of his own.

For his part, Jamie didn’t want the drive back to end. He found himself genuinely enjoying the time he was spending with Claire, and to his surprise was even happy that he had to do the return trip, as it meant he got more time with her all to himself. He enjoyed getting to share his knowledge with her, and as the trip back to the city wound to a close, he found himself more and more thinking of his father’s words, that when he found the right woman for him, there would be no questions, he would just know.

Next

[maxhoemo]

1923 - That Evening

Max was smiling so wide, his face was starting to hurt. It was actually quite uncomfortable but there was nothing he could do about it. One of Ian’s staff had rushed to help Max carry his bags when he came through the door. Max felt like a total gold digger, but he wasn’t ashamed in the slightest. “You really didn’t have to carry all of that for me...” Max told the man as they arrived at Ian’s bedroom door.

“It’s what I’m paid for, Sir,” he answered simply. 

Once he’d left, Max collapsed on the bed, looking out at the sea of purchases. And he still had money left over! Being a gold digger was the bees knees! Speaking of which, Max decided to unpack his new things. He didn’t even remember everything he bought. It had been a bit of a frenzy. 

Max had never been shopping at a department store before. When he has first stepped inside, it was overwhelming. Just like seeing Ian’s house for the first time, he didn’t know where to look first. It must have been pretty obvious that he was lost because a salesgirl approached him almost immediately and asked if he needed help with anything. He was far too embarrassed to admit the truth.  

The men’s department only made him confused. The sales people were quick to show him all kinds of suites and vests... Max had even tried one on. ‘Ugh!’ he thought. ‘I look like Ian!’. Not to mention he could feel himself begin to sweat almost immediately. No. He’d just kindly asked where he could find the flannel and denim. Much more him. Speaking of which, Max had completely forgotten he’d actually bought a shirt in every colour. 

The next thing he took from the bag was his new coat. He pressed it up to his face. Pure white mink. The warmest thing he’d ever touched! He continued unpacking. There was a lot. Cigarettes, cologne, shoes... The next thing though...Wow, he’d actually bought this, huh? He laughed to himself. It was so ridiculous! But he wanted it! It just felt so... Luxurious. 

It was a bathrobe. Chinese silk. Black with a big peacock embroidered on the back. He loved the way it felt against his skin. He hadn’t got to try it on, but... No time like the present. He slipped out of his clothes and threw the robe over himself. He loved the way it trailed behind him. Like a King in one of his old storybooks. The sleeves and bottom lines with feathers. He did a twirl in the mirror. He nearly didn’t recognize the man staring back at him. Perfectly clean. Brand new frames and expensive clothes. Lounging clothes. Totally unsuitable for working. He grinned at his reflection. “Don’t you know who I am?” he asked himself, like a child playing pretend. “Chippy? Nancy-Boy? You must have me confused with someone else. I don’t need your cheddar!” he scoffed. “Busboy!? Me?” 

He opened the robe up, one sleeve slipping down his shoulder. He didn’t even mind how thin he looked. He looked good, if he didn’t say so himself. Though as luck would have it, just as he was admiring himself he heard a soft chuckle behind him. His face turned red. How much had Ian seen...? 

“Maxy, yer’ so cute...” Max turned towards Ian but didn’t say anything. “Can I see what you bought?” he asked, reaching for one of the bags. Max nodded, plopping down on the edge of the bed. Most of what Ian went though was what he’d expected. New clothes. Couple of little things here and there. “Oh. This one’s heavy...”

Max laughed to himself. “Oh yeah... I know what that is...”

Ian pulled it out, it was a case of cream sodas. He smiled at Max. He really was adorable. 

“They’re my favourite...” he admitted.

“You know, I’ve got a cooler in the kitchen. You can have it. Just ask the gal to bring it up for ya’.”

“Thanks...” Max answered, biting on the edge of his thumb.

Ian continued to pull out some more clothes, a box of chocolates, a few decorative items... “Is that really all ya’ got?” he asked when he was finished.

“All?” Max questioned. “I could hardly take it all home.”

“Next time then, I’ll take ya’ in the car. If that’s all good with you.”

“Of course.” It was Ian’s money after all. And wasn’t the whole point of him being here to keep Ian company? He hadn’t really done much of that yet, had he?

“I’ve got some work to do downstairs,” Ian announced, standing to make his exit. 

“But Ian, I’m hungry.”

“I’ll have em’ bring ya’ something. What would ya’ like?”

“Uhh...” This whole whatever he wanted thing was kind of a lot of pressure. “What about... Mashed potatoes and gravy?”

Ian gave him a warm half-smile. “Done deal.”

As Max was putting his things away, he realized he had completely forgot to call his family like he promised. 

He grabbed Ian’s phone and dialed the bar. It was one of those fancy ones with the ear and mouthpiece attached. “It’s Max....” Max’s entire family crowded around the phone to talk to him. He didn’t tell them about the shopping trip. He couldn’t. He felt too bad. 

By the time the call was over, he had severe hunger pains. Ian probably forgot with whatever work he was doing. With a shrug, Max decided to venture downstairs himself. Not that he knew where the kitchen was. Or where Ian would be working. He wandered down one of the halls, light on his feet, but steady in his walk. Out of curiosity, he creaked open a large oak door. It smelled heavily  like cigar smoke, but nobody was inside at the moment. A billiards room. He thought about stepping inside to explore further, but something stopped him. It just didn’t feel right. He smiled to himself, leaning his head against the edge of the door frame. They used to have a pool table in the pub. They had to get rid of it though, when people started catching on that his sister was fixing games. 

“What is this?”

Max jumped. He didn’t recognize the voice. He turned and saw two men standing behind him. “I’m sorry... I didn’t realize Ian had company...” Oh God! This was humiliating! He was still dressed in the stupid silk robe! He pulled the fabric over his chest and tightened the tie. 

One of them laughed. The other said “You talk funny.”

“Huh?”

“Who the hell is Een?” the other chuckled.

Oh. His accent. Normally Max would have chewed them out. But right now he just wanted to get out of there as soon as possible.He did his best to slip past them, not really paying attention to which direction he was headed. 

“Hey, don’t walk away!” Max was yanked backward by the arm. The guy’s tone was still sickeningly joyous. 

“Aye!” Max shouted. “Don’t touch me!” He tried to pull out of his grip, but his socked feet just slipped uselessly on the hardwood floor. Both the goons seemed to find this endlessly amusing. Max gave up on that plan, instead trying to pull down. That didn’t work either. Now he was just sitting on his ass, his arms held above him in a tight grip. “What do you want, cunt!?” Max demanded.

“Shit, what a mouth on this faggot,” said the guy behind him.

“We just wanna screw with ya’ a little.”

“Leave me alone!” he shrieked. He was yanked to his feet so fast he thought for a second his arm would pop clean off his body. 

“Sal told me about this kid...” The shorter guy said. “...He’s the hooker from the Aussie bar.”

“I delivered their yesterday.” The taller guy with Max in his grip remarked casually. He pulled Max against his chest. “Does your daddy know you’re a whore?”

“Shut the fuck up!”

“What the hell is going on here!?” Ian.

“They’re hurting me!” Before Max could say another word, he was free and Ian had Tall Guy pinned to the wall. “We were just tryin’ to scare him a little.”

Ian shook his head. “No. Not him. Clear!?” They both nodded. “Apologize to him.”

“I’m... I’m sorry...”

“Good.” Ian let go of the guy. “Now. Kiss his feet.” The guy hesitated, obviously not thinking Ian was serious. “Do it.” Ian stated simply, and the man complied.

Max was shocked watching the guy get on the ground in front of him. Actually making a move for his feet. “No...” Max protested, taking a few steps back.

“Okay, get up. Now both of you scram.” And of course, they did. “Max. I told you to stay in your room.”

“I’m sorry...” Max said quietly. “I was hungry and I wanted the ice and I didn’t know you had people over and...”

“Shh, shh. It’s alright. I aint mad or nothing. Just go up to your room and stay there, alright? Don’t worry. I’ll make an example out of those two.”

Max nodded. His stomach felt sick. He was still shaken from the assault, but Ian had saved him. Ian must really care. But Ian was going to kill them...Max didn’t know what to feel.

[whydoifeelsoold]

Seeing iKON live for the first time: a reflection

So last Thursday and Saturday I saw iKON live for the first time, in Sydney and Melbourne respectively. Here are my thoughts. 

Random thoughts:

- Before the Sydney show I was nervous af. Honestly, I couldn’t eat, couldn’t concentrate on shit, I was trembling, I was alternating between rambling like a madwoman and sitting in silence staring into space. My poor sister thought I was losing it. Think Hanbin in On Hiatus when Bobby texts him he’s outside his house and wants to speak to him in chapter 4. I was THAT. 

- I was so nervous because I felt like there was SO much at stake. I’ve written sooo much about these boys (over 337,000 words?!), I’ve spent so much time (enjoyable time lol) wondering about them, hypothesising how they’d respond to different situations, basically doing full on character studies. I was so scared that I’d go to the concert and what if....I’d gotten them wrong, I’d totally misunderstood them...what if they weren’t quite like what I imagined. What would happen then?? Would I be disappointed in myself?? Disappointed by them?? That wouldn’t be fair to them at all because they are PEOPLE not CHARACTERS!! And I would be disappointed in myself about that too!! So anyway, long story short, I was terrified some kind of disappointment would be inevitable. 

- So of course I was nervous (bats aggressively swooping in my stomach) right up till when they finally appeared. However, I was amazed that instead of feeling awe, or surprise, or disbelief, when I saw them lined up about to begin Bling Bling, I just felt insanely happy. Like childishly, innocently, joyously happy.

- I was so thrilled by how good the vocal line sounded live. Their voices sound SO clear, strong and full of colour. It was amazing to FEEL their voices echo and project in the room. The sound was better in Sydney however, for some reason their voices were more muffled in Melbourne, not sure why. May have been to do with my location in Festival Hall. 

- I wish Sydney iKONICS were a bit more friendly to one another. I felt like a village idiot when I smiled at some people and they just looked at me with confused, dead eyes. Like come one guys, can’t we all bond over this incredible experience?! Can’t we kill time in the massive-ass queue by getting excited together (But Sydney is a catty city, so that didn’t surprise me too much tbh) ?!?!

- They were all SO so So sweet and very endearing. They were just...adorable. I felt so affectionate and proud of them. 

Now, about the Boys themselves:

- They were all INCREDIBLY handsome in real life. Even more handsome than on tv or in photoshoots. Like, I dunno what it is about seeing them in real life, but they were just really stunning. 

- In Sydney especially they were tired (but did a very noble job of pushing through). In particular Hanbin, and I felt a wave of concern for him when he was bent over puffed at one stage. Bobby and Donghyuk were up there hyping up the crowd with “WHO WANTS ANOTHER SONG” and poor Bin was just shaking his head laughing, trying to catch his breath. You could really tell he was ready for a good 15 hours of sleep. 

- In Melbourne they all seemed to be more rested, except maybe Bobby. He did his very best not to let on he was tired, (and don’t get me wrong, he still had plenty of energy) but he was a bit more reserved in Melbourne than in Sydney and struggled to get his words out more when speaking english. Every now and again he seemed a bit distracted in Melbourne, like maybe his concentration was off. 

- The one thing that DID blow my mind, was that ALL of them - but especially double b - were exactly as I had imagined and written them to be. As a writer, I’ve tried my best to interpret them as accurately as possible from the sources given to us: tv shows, performance recordings, the music, the survival shows, the interviews, the radio appearances, etc. etc. How this whole time I’ve also been acutely aware, that no matter how hard I try, how can I truly get a “vibe” from someone when I haven’t seen them in person. Seeing them live made everything make sense. 

- Bobby had this gorgeous, outward energy, just the way I imagined him to be. He was so sweet towards the boys, but also devilishly cheeky and when he got the chance. As for his interaction with the audience, you could really tell he wanted to give us a good performance, it was like he really wanted to give us a gift and for us to love it. You could really feel how lucky he felt to have us there screaming and singing along, how appreciative he was (like dude, no, thank YOU!! NOT US!!). In Melbourne a small smile he shared with Hanbin suggested that special connection which made my heart soar. They clearly have a very deep connection, whatever that may be. Overall I would describe him in real life as Generous and uplifting. 

- Han Fucking Bin, my ultimate bias. Oh god. I was blown away by how similar he is in real life to how I have imagined. He had this incredibly complex, fascinating energy riddled with paradoxes. He was eccentric yet very in tune with the crowd, dorky yet intimidating, reserved/shy but very sweet, rather dreamy and in his own world, yet always very in control, unassuming yet also proud and a bit aloof. Maybe aloof isn’t the right word...maybe detached? But I guess what I’m trying to say is that I think he has a very good poker face, it’s his professional/leader face. He takes his responsibility to deliver a good concert very seriously and so he doesn’t always look like he can “let himself go.” But at the same time, I really got a sense that underneath the poker face he was feeling a lot, thinking a lot. He was doing a lot of work, but keeping that to himself.. Finally, he struck me as someone who has made the brave commitment to be himself unapologetically, but he’s still learning who exactly he is. I’m really excited to how he turns out, but if my gut feeling is right, he will only continue developing as a person, he won’t just find himself and stop there. He is like a pokemon, there are going to be many evolutions for him and that’s EXACTLY why I love him so much. I would sum him up in real life as Sensitive and Inquiring. 

- Jinhwan was just as feisty, cheeky and cute coy as I imagined. He was in high spirits, and I think he’d impressed himself with his english skills so he was very confident on stage, he really knew how to work the crowd. I really got a sense of his love of attention. He was so charming, cute and willing to indulge the crowd. I didn’t see his mum-side but I’m glad about that because I feel like he doesn’t need to be in that mode when all the boys are having fun on stage, he can just focus on being his naughty, sexy self. I would summarise him as Playful and Engaging. 

- Donghyuk was a total darling and omg he looks soooo handsome in real life. I really got a sense of his attentiveness towards the fans, he really did his best to engage with us, asking questions, complimenting the city he was in, joking around, singing other songs whenever he got the chance. Diligent and Caring, that’s DK in a nutshell. 

- June!!! So June was like Chanwoo and Yun, they kinda let the other boys take the floor and lead the show. Totally fair enough. I can’t begin to imagine how vulnerable one must feel when you have no idea wtf the being said and you’re up there on stage with everyone watching. Two things with June. One, I could NOT believe how dramatically handsome he was in real life. Like, his raven-black “comma-styled” hair, the way it contrasted so boldly with his pale skin, his muscular tallness, the way his white t-shirt hung off his frame so casually yet perfectly, his striking brows, strong profile and chiseled jawline...like, he was GODLY.  Out of this world. From another universe. He was stunning. In terms of the vibe he gave me in real life: Cool and eccentric. 

- Yun!!! Bless him!!! I really just wanted to hear more from him...although i totally get why he didn’t have the means to express himself more. But what he couldn’t communicate through words he really poured into his singing and interaction with the fans. I was really impressed by his voice live, he has such a nice warm tone. And he really put heart into his lines and high notes. His showmanship was very impressive. I would summarise him as heartfelt and emotive. 

- Chanwoo was SO SO gorgeous in real life. Even from where I stood at the back his eyes stood out so well. He was reserved but not lacking in confidence, he was shy but also very sincere and sweet. His vocals were brief but his husky tone is awesome. I would summarise him as observant and alert. 

- Overall Seeing them was really amazing, it was such a positive experience. All I feel now is the bittersweetness of it all. Before I didn’t know what it was like to miss them, that wasn’t something I had to deal with being a distant aussie fan. But now I’ve seen them twice in three days, I now know what that is like to be in their presence. And honestly, I miss them so much already. my heart feels bruised. Laaaaaaaame. 

p.s. @mvssmallow I hope you have regained hearing in your left ear. I’m sorry I yelled so loud and so consistently throughout the ENTIRE show. You’re a legend for putting up with my drunken nerves. 

@notsolonelyinthisworld @drinkyourjuicejinhwan @jennicullen @gurrchoo @runsoftbin

[spale-vosver]

A Year In Review: 2018 Edition

I don’t normally make my own posts here, nor are they ever personal (I say as though I make posts at all), but since the year is very close to being over—in fact, as I’m writing this it’s 11:02 PM on December 31st—I wanted to look back at where I’ve been and where I still have to go; review the year, basically.

2018 was one hell of a bumpy year for me, though bumpy isn’t inherently bad. I met some amazing friends (you’ll all be mentioned later on) and at the same time lost and almost lost some amazing ones, whether it was to them moving away or my own mistakes. I got involved in so many new things I’d never done before: I got fully involved in theatre, I got kind of maybe in shape, I started caring about my health, I met so many new people both irl and online, I asked my (now ex but still best friend) girlfriend out for the first time it was honestly so new to me and coming out of my shell was an experience I needed.

As the year progressed and school wrapped up, though, I started to wane a bit. Anyone who knows me knows that summer wasn’t great mental health, especially since I was cooped up inside all day doing absolutely nothing but watching YouTube and playing way too much Crusader Kings, and everyone I interacted with felt the effects. I wasn’t nearly as accountable for my own health as I should have been, and I ended up hurting the same amazing people I’d met that year. Truth be told, I’ve still not fully recovered from those mistakes, and though I know no one holds it against me, they’re still some of my biggest regrets. Even now I’m still making them, but each time I make one, it’s less severe than the last time, and each time progressively less and less bad, so I’m improving, though not as fast as I want to, and unfortunately that speed won’t be achieved until I finally start CBT.

Speaking of that, this year wasn’t totally awful on the mental health front, though, considering I both went to a gender therapist to speak about advancements in my transition and was properly diagnosed with anxiety and depression and probably autism, and I can finally start treatment for them. When I do, my own efforts won’t be in vain, and I’ll hopefully have a leg up on whatever treatment I start. I just hope it comes soon, though, because seasonal depression can actually kiss my ass and no, Pennsylvania, 11 days is NOT a suitable amount of time for a break.

Anyways, now on to the real gushy stuff where I @ my friends and acquaintances and tell them how much I lurvvvv them. So, starting off with who I met first:

@thefunrepository/Camille/pash: When you let me join your discord server, I met some of the best people and best friends I’ve ever had, and for that, I’m eternally grateful. Even though you’ve now left that server, when you were there, you tolerated so much of my incessant rambling and @ing and my overall teenage boy-i-ness, but you never made me feel excluded, and I loved every second of it. Thank you so much for even tolerating me, because when I joined and was even just talking to you, that was what I needed most. (P.S.: here’s a New Years resolution for you: FINISH A WIP thanks bye I love you)

@xinnic: my fellow Irish Catholic fam, you’ve been nothing but supportive of me and my work from day one, and I can’t count how many nights over the pretty-shitty summer I spent cooling down by rambling to you about my gay trash kids and my gay trash WIP. Likewise, I’ve never gotten tired of your ramblings about your gay trash kids and your gay trash WIP, and your rambles have singlehandedly made me weak for Roísín in 1000 different ways. You’ve always been there when I needed to talk or reference something, and when you bring your meme game, it’s top tier. I remember almost crying when you started the binder squad, and though it’s no longer around, I still appreciate it. Thank you so much for caring and just being you.

@lilquill: man, oh man do we have a weird relationship. I honestly kind of thought you were annoying at first and no that’s not unique to you but I also warmed up to you really quickly. Your energy levels are unmatched and no matter how tired I am, your ability to somehow shout over text fixes that. You’ve spearheaded so many weird and memorable moments for the hell server, including the readings that led us to our voice reveals, to the ACOTRASH find and replace kerfuffle, and so many other things. Besides that, you’ve been a great friend, always pushing me to do better and be better and calling me out when necessary; I may not show it the best, but I appreciate all of it, and I probably wouldn’t be who I am right now without you. You’re also one of the bravest and most outspoken people I know, with the whole whiteblr deal only proving how willing you are to speak out against bullshit and bigotry. Thank you so much for your undying support of me and of everyone else, and I only hope to be as badass as you someday.

@gingerly-writing: ok please don’t be upset that yours is slightly shorter than everyone else’s but I wasn’t around you as much SO. You’re an insanely talented writer and memeing at you as well as sharing my writing has been so fun. I annoy you so much but you still manage to tolerate me and honestly that’s insanely commendable. I want to see you succeed in all of your projects this year and the next and the next and so on, as well as continue giving amazing advice; when you told me I was really good at characterisation, it was the first time I’d ever gotten proper writing advice, and I’ll cherish it always. Thank you for being a pal and dealing with mine (and someone else’s who we’ll mention later) shenanigans.

@olympusrox123: Sian, you fucking Aussie meme, I love you so much and you won’t get this until later because you’re on a goddamn plane but oh well. You’re insanely funny and smart, and you’ve made me laugh so many times I can’t keep count. When you took part in the name change shenanigans on discord, that was when I knew you were A Top Tier Meme and someone I could send only my freshest. Apart from that, you’re so sweet and have always been interested in what I have to say; plus, I love screaming at you about whatever and whenever and that time we read the Sherlock fic? Godly. Anyways, I just want to say that I heckin love you and that I hope you stay just as you are. Thank you for being you.

@ardentlythieving: oh man oh man oh man my ultimate meme buddy. My compadre. Second member of the three Memesketeers. The shit we’ve gotten up to together is amazing and I’ve loved every second of it. From the day we met we’ve been basically inseparable members, despite your penchant for backstabbing and betraying my meme plans due to your chaotic neutral nature, and every memey thing we’ve done together and every in joke we’ve made has been one of the most memorable meme moments of my life. You’ve always been there when I wanted or needed to just let loose my chaotic energy, and the fact that you just sort of adopted me into both your meme house and your internet family in general has made me so happy. I’ve loved playing SWTOR with you and talking about Thrawn with you and sending you the worst shit I can find, and I wouldn’t trade a second of it. Thank you for being your memey-ass self, and if I don’t get even better memes this year I’m flying to your hell-sheep-rock-land to fight you.

@thornheartcat: we’re waaaaay too fucking similar for our own good. To our taste in video games and anime (max weebage) to our experiences with ASD, I’ve found so many ways to relate to you, which has made talking to you so fun. And that’s another thing: you’re older than me by a lot, but you’ve never treated me any differently, which has meant so much to me. You’ve always put me on equal ground with you and the rest of your friends, and have tolerated my fuckery since day 1, even if you do have some questionable choices in media you enjoy. The long and short of it is, you’re hella rad and hella nerdy, and I love nerding out with you. Thank you for seeing past my age and treating me just like anyone else.

@catcatamelia: chaotic Aussie lesbian says what??? Amelia you’re fucking great and so talented and so creative, and you’re so much fun to be around. I love playing shitty and good video games with you, as well as just talking and memeing back and forth and watching you draw; you’re so amazingly multitalented and interesting that I never get bored around you. I wish that we could hang out via the interwebs more, but bullshit scheduling is bullshit scheduling and whatcha gonna do. You’ve also always been there to comfort me because, like so many of my amazing friends, we share so many issues and commonalities that you always know just what to say. Thank you for never being afraid to open up and just be your wild self. Please never change.

@sea-reader: I left you for last because I have the most to say to you. Our relationship has been up and down in the almost one year we’ve known each other, and it’s mostly due to me. Since we started talking on discord, I’ve always loved listening to you talk about whatever; you always bring your own energy and passion to it, and even if it’s about stuff I don’t know a whole ton about, I’m never bored listening to you talk about it. You’re funny, and smart, and talented, and I’m so glad to have met you in the first place. You were a major factor in helping me out of my shell; there wasn’t a day that went by in the first half of this year where I didn’t mention you in some capacity to someone I knew because you’d said something hilarious or really smart or had brought some new idea I’d never thought of to the table or just done something. Was it the most healthy thing in the world? No, and looking back on it we started getting unhealthy even before The Thing That I’m Not Going To Mention In Public, but we’re continuing to grow and improve even to this day, and for that I’m forever thankful. You could have easily shut me out after that incident, but you didn’t; you gave me a second chance that I’ve rarely ever gotten, and I’m so, so glad. I know we likely won’t ever be as close as we once were, nor will we be able to talk like we once did, but that’s okay, because it doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to be us, and it has to be healthy, and that’s enough for me. I love you more than I can say, just like everyone else, and I can only hope 2019 brings the best for the both of us. Thank you for being a friend, Lori, because our relationship, the good and the bad, was part of what I needed and got from all of the people I interacted with and met this year. Happy New Year, you dork.

If I missed anyone, please forgive me; it’s now 7 minutes to 2019, and I’m rushing. Tl;dr; Happy New Years, everyone. Be a little better, because you can be, even if you don’t think so.

-Geoff.

[softstraykids]

crush confessions with stray kids

chan

would contemplate on how to ask you out for hours

will first be like i should do something big in public!

because you deserve the absolute best

then realises its gonna be used as blackmail material from the other kids

so nahhhhhh

decided on something more simple

truthfully he wanted to do something a little cheesy

cause hey you deserve a sweet guy

chan would ask you help for a song 

while you protest you wouldn’t be any help

after persistent pestering 

you’d come over to his house 

you guys would be in his bedroom 

he’d then play the song for you 

chan would look nervous and trying to be chill but would be fidgeting a lot

and you kinda realise the song sounds completely done?

its of course bloody amazing like all of chan’s songs

and the girl he's describing sounds 

A LOT LIKE YOU

cue you melting cause sweetness overload

the song ends with 

“i like you” 

but chan sings it at the same time right in front of you 

and he has a bouquet in his hand of your favourite flowers

which appeared from nowhere 

before chan could say a word you just jump at him

no not that way

and give him a tight hug trying not to crush the flowers

“i like you too chan, i still can’t believe you made a whole song for me” you say disbelieving with how sweet chan could be

“i’d do it again in a heartbeat” he says earnestly hugging you back tightly

“EWWWWWWWW” you hear all the stray kids voices from the cupboard

chan opens it with a smirk

“eep” they let out

“um i hear my mum calling” changbin says dashing out

“i have a vocal lesson” woojin slipping past chan

“with me” seungmin pips up before chasing after woojin

“i have to deal with people swooning over my aussie accent?” felix says doubtfully trying to make up any excuse before leaving with chans glare on him

when felix accent is angels singing to your ears but guys you spend every day with speak with the same accent and voice, and you don't like them #logic

the rest just leave

but jeongin sneakily takes one last photo of the two of you 

because he’s the maknae and no one would ever hurt him cause he's a precious smol bean

are we talking about changbin now?

“where were we?” chan says with a smirk 

before giving you a sweet passionate kiss making your knees buckle

woojin

would be super sweet with his confession

it would be like a slow build up 

just to make sure his feelings are actually real and he can seriously like you

and also because he’s a soft shy boi

he would be your secret admirer

every morning would leave your favourite drink on your classroom’s desk

always with a small note

“smile! you look beautiful when you smile!”

“good luck on your test!”

just something really sweet

thankfully it wasn't naggy about confessing 

cause one of your friends had a secret admirer making her feel bad for being “too” beautiful perfect and all that bullshit 

she ended up crying once because of the guilt

but your secret admirer sounded perfect in all honesty

he always said the right things and he sounded so sweet and sincere

people would ask why you’re not trying to find out who it is

and you’re like

“chill first of all it’s my love life, second of all the guy can take his time and do it when he’s comfortable”

but the third secret reason is because you had a huge crush on woojin

and you had no idea how to deal with the whole secret admirer thing and your crush for him

you were just hoping and hoping it actually is woojin 

it was confusing 

then suddenly one day your note says to come early tomorrow morning

and you started to freak out and over think things

until you realised you just needed to go 

the next morning you put more effort into looking a bit better than usual

and as you arrive at school

you have sweaty palms, a racing heart and your mind jumbled in thoughts

you actually half jog half walk to the classroom because you were so curious 

you tentatively knock the door and come in

sitting on your desk with your favourite drink in hand was woojin

your heart died right then and there

he looked so nervous and shy 

“woojin?! you’re my secret admirer?!” you exclaim in surprise

“yeah i am i hope you’re not disappointed” he says half hopefully half nervously

“yes i mean no i mean i’m really happy you are” you ramble out

he gives you a beaming smile which makes your insides turn into pure softness

“one last drink, one last note” he says handing you your drink 

you read the note it said 

“i like you y/n, will you be mine?” 

you gently hug him he instantly returns it

“i’ve liked you long before you were my secret admirer so yes woojin i’d absolutely love to” you say while still hugging him

he hugs you even tighter as both of you smile happily 

then gives you a sweet forehead kiss to top it all off 

minho

would be pretty private with his confession

ask you to go to a cafe with him 

you of course agree

looks like ideal couple walking to the cafe

except minho looks like 10x better than you

effortlessly too

like boi gimme your magic creams

once you arrive he tells you to get a table

and just as you were about to tell him his order

he says to you with a charming smile 

making your knees want to buckle

“one hot milk chocolate, with no whipped cream, extra foam and a lot of white marshmallows am i right?”

“you know my order?” you squeaked out trying to controlling your heart beat to a normal level

because it is not everyday that your crush has fully memorised your drinking order

not answering he goes to the counter 

because he doesn't want to admit he’s been paying attention to every detail about you

because he’s head over heels for you 

minho comes back with your drinks

you ask him tentatively “minho why did you want to meet up?”

avoiding the question he asks you one with a bit of a smirk

“do you remember where we met y/n?”

your frown before realising 

it was this very cafe

“here? i spilled hot chocolate on you and then you refused payment for dry cleaning or a new drink then i finally got so mad at you i left the money and stormed out” you say with a chuckle

‘gosh you were so stubborn you still are now” minho says with a smile

“hey! i can say the exact same about you” you exclaim but totally not denying it 

“but minho you didn’t answer my question why are we here?” you say curiously 

minho takes a deep breath before telling you

“that very day when you spilled hot chocolate on me than stormed out me i fell for a girl” you heart sank at what he was saying totally not catching on

“that girl was you” he says nervously looking you directly in the eye

you look at him shocked before letting you a soft whisper of “me?”

“you” he says affirmatively 

“well this time I'm definitely not going to storm out angrily” you say with a chuckle

he laughs too 

you grab his hand gently and say to him sweetly and softly

“minho i like you too” 

then he gave you the brightest smile in the world

and a sweet kiss on the cheek

you two walked out there a few hours later hand in hand 

feeling like you were in heaven

changbin

would be very casual about it

not really even confession 

because he’s trying to pretend to be “cool and chill”

so in the middle of the conversation 

BAM 

“hey y/n do you want to go out saturday night?” he’d say like any other hangout

“yeah sounds good” you’d reply back with a smile 

but you would have no idea if it’s a date or not 

like he gave you absolutely NO SIGNS if it was

you contemplated with your friends on his wording for HOURS

like changbin save the girl you like the agony okay?

flash forward to saturday night 

and changbin is taking you out to bowling then dinner at a very causal restaurant 

still making you doubt whether it was a date or not

it was driving you crazy

though bowling was

intersting 

and heart fluttering

he helped you with bowling by doing the classic arm thing 

your heart completely stopped because he was so close 

it was kinda cheesy but you loved it

tbh you just really liked changbin

hey i don’t blame you who wouldn’t 

but it was great because by the end you were doing really good 

maybe even better than him and instead getting annoyed 

he was just super supportive and proud 

it was really cute 

by the end of dinner you shyly ask him

“um changbin was this a date?”

he looks at you like you were crazy and you started to doubt it was 

“i thought it was super clear i liked you and we were going on a date tonight”

he says confused and shocked

you blush bright red while replying 

“it wasn’t really clear at all” 

“well let me tell you now, i like you y/n, i like you a lot”

giving you a heart melting smile 

making you want to kiss him right then 

which you of course did 

hyunjin

hyunjin would probably fall for a girl who’s close with him

i’m thinking family friend? best friend? childhood friend?

but the whole friend zone doesn’t really get in the way

cause you two are pretty affectionate 

like giving hugs when one of you did well and stuff like that

but you two are SO CLUELESS about each others feelings 

like no matter how many people tell you, you guys do not believe it

so basically the only way y’all are gonna realise your feelings for each other

is if one or the other slips up

and since this is stray kids’s first confessions

hyunjin slips up

you guys are just chilling at your house

doing your history project

translation: procrastinating, eating, joking around 

and definitely not doing your project

*fast forward 2 hours and you guys have written your names on your project and done “research”*

you’re craving cookies and hyunjin wants to bake cookies 

soooo you end up baking cookies

fast forward to when you’re supposed to put the eggs in 

“WAIT WAIT I WANT TO TRY SOMETHING” hyunjin shouts just before cracking the egg 

he gets up the counter and cracks it up from there 

hyunjin still had no idea what was going through his head right then

of course he misses lands right on your head

he comes down from the counter 

you death glare him as egg is dripping down your hair 

then he gulps as he sees your “evil” smirk 

you take the whole bowl of flour and toss it at him making him look like a snowman

then he just completely escalated from there

melted butter, sugar, rest of the eggs, milk were flung around the kitchen

then you guys started to get other stuff

cereal, jam, spices, condiments 

hyunjin then grabbed your favourite pie from the fridge which your mum made homemade last night

if y’all don’t like pie idk cake cookies chicken wings?

“DON’T YOU DARE TOUCH THAT HWANG HYUNJIN!!’ you scream

while he just smirks at you 

before he could even throw it 

you run to him and try to get your hands on the pie 

he turns too quickly 

and then suddenly you have your arms wrapped around hyunjin’s neck 

on the ground

noses touching, can feel each others breaths on your cheeks, and lips only centimetres apart

without even thinking hyunjin suddenly gives you a peck 

then his eyes widen and he’s like oh shit

trying to explain quickly “ireallyreallylikeyouy/nihaveforalongtimeandyoumeanalottom-”

“hyunjin i can’t understand anything” you say confused while your heart is hammering on your chest

hyunjin takes a deep breath then starts again

“i really really like you y/n i have for a long time and you mean a lot to me”

“MY PIE” you say loudly as you spot your pie completely ruined

me

hyunjin is looking at you confused 

so you try to explain

“well i can’t eat the pie anymore, while we have our whole future to date” you say sincerely and sweetly

“hyunjin i like you too”

then you properly kiss him 

and both of you couldn’t stop smiling during the kiss

jisung

i’d feel jisung would be the type of to be friends then ask a girl out 

so you guys would already be close 

but you both think you’re in the friend zone

so it’s probably just a casual friday night when the confessions come spilling out

you two just watching the movie on the couch

both of you desperate to cuddle but nooo

that’s crossing the invisible friend barrier you both idiotically put up 

author sighing at the both of you 

you’re watching the titanic 

it’s been three long but pretty interesting hours

but let’s be real you only picked this movie to spend more time with jisung

cause 3 hours is better than 2

of course you’re getting to the ending where rose let’s go of jack 

neither of you are crying just emotional 

i take that back 

jisung is trying to fight back tears 

and yup one tear slipped 

it’s really sweet he’s sensitive 

without thinking you brush the tear away 

you look at each other for a few seconds your blushes steadily getting redder 

and your face just centimetres spear 

then you totally miss your moment and go back to the screen

cue readers groaning trust me i’m with you but i’m also writing it lmaooo

you can’t help but blurt out 

“id never let you go like that she should of found something anything! she had a life jacket! and there was more wood nearby!”

jisung feels all warm and fuzzy inside with you saying that  

he asked you “so do you love me as much rose loves jack?” not meaning it to be romantic which it totally comes out as

“more” you say right back not realising your words 

then it slowly dawns on both of you 

and jisung asks you surprised 

“you like me?” 

“i really like you” you sigh out waiting for him to bolt 

“wait actually? i like you too y/n i have for ages” he says with a soft smile

“i’ve liked you for a few months” you admit before continuing 

“i thought you only saw me as a friend” you say happily

“i thought the same but apparently not” he said still beaming 

making your insides all soft and gooey 

“now where were we cuddling and movies right?” he says with a grin 

without saying a word he plays a harry potter movie 

wraps his arms around you in a comfortable cuddling position

and gives you a kiss on the forehead 

felix

would 100% be the type to slip up about his feelings

no matter how, when, what sort of confession he does 

tries to plan it usually to never doesn’t work out 

sooo you guys were at a party

it was hella crowded, music blasting all that 

you didn’t even want to come

seungmin, hyunjin and jisung forced you to come because they said you were being too anti social lately

they ambushed you and 

before you could say anything seungmin gave you a pair of heels and one of your dresses

then lightly shoved you in a bathroom saying you had 10 minutes to get ready

afterwards they dragged you to this party

you were chilling on a couch trying to ignore the smell of weed and alcohol around you 

you could tell someone just sat next to you 

if it was another drunk guy that was coming to hit on you 

you were ready to punch them to oblivion 

just as you put your hand up 

“WOAH WOAH Y/N NOT THE FACE NOT MY GORGEOUS FACE” shouted felix jokingly

“more reason to punch it” you said with a smirk but relaxing

felix huffed “here i thought i was going to offer to walk you home and you threaten punch me”

you brighten up before felix can say a word you grab his wrist and run out of the house dragging felix along with you

“damn you really wanted to get out of there didn’t you?” he says amused

“yup” you simply say

felix and you walk for a bit talking about how bad the party was

you shiver and rub your arms cursing seungmin not giving you a jacket

before you knew it felix’s jacket was around your shoulder

you look at him surprised

he gives you one of the heart melting smiles and just says 

“you looked cold”

“thanks” you say sweetly trying to hide your blush 

just as you two started walking again 

SNAP you hear one of your heels break 

‘shit can this night get any worse” you curse

“hop on” felix says crouching in a position for a piggy back

“wait are you sure?” you say surprised and nervous 

“of course” he says with another one of his smiles

you get on his back and he immediately starts walking

you can't help but blush at how close you two were

and felix was internally dying and screaming because so much physical contact 

without even thinking his words spilled out

“you know i always thought that i’d piggy back you when you’re drunk then you confess your feelings and the next morning you admit they were true and i would be over the moon because i like you too”

“shit did i say that out loud?” he asks half horrified half worried as hell

“you like me?” you squeak out in surprise

he sighs “yeah i do y/n i really wish i confessed more romantic than this”

“nah it’s perfect, i like you too felix” you say with a huge grin giving him a quick peck on the cheek

which made both of your faces bright red luckily you reached your house

“keep the jacket, you’re gonna steal it when you become my girlfriend right? since that’s what girlfriends do” he says to you with another of his heart stopping smiles

“goodnight y/n, dream of me” felix says cheekily and quickly plants a kiss on your forehead

“sweet dreams felix” you shyly say back but smiling brighter than any star in the sky 

seungmin

A FLUFF BALL

A CHEESE BALL 

but in the best way possible

would be the cheesiest out of the stray kids asking a girl out

probably would be a cliche valentines day confession

no matter how much you actively hate that day

it DOES NOT MATTER 

BECAUSE BITCH KIM SEUNGMIN IS CONFESSING TO YOU 

he would be super nervous about it

and lol stray kids

helping lol nahhhhhhh

half of them is like HWAITING 

the other half imma film this just for the rejection

since it’s valentines day school is pre lax

theres flowers love and single people’s depression and hatred in the air

single 4 life because writing fics creates unrealistic expectations of the guys around me

seungmin organises with your english teacher to confess to you during class

teacher totally supports it 

so you’re siiting in english class waiting for the bloody class to end

moping about how seungmin will never like you back

BOOM door dramatically opens

there’s changbin with the darkest expression in the world

but he’s wearing head to toe light pink while jisung and felix are pinching his cheeks and cooing 

whole class bursts into laughter while he scowls 

making sure he never makes bet with chan ever again 

but suddenly you hear seungmin’s angelic voice

he’s singing one of your favourite songs

one that’s romantic to fit the “mood” cause if seungmin bursts into a breakup song not gonna work hun

he has a bouquet of your favourite flowers in one hand and a box of your favourite chocolates in the other 

while you feel jeongin and hyunjin lead you out of your chair

you’re in a state of absolute shock and joy 

also disbelief cause wow seungmin’s doing all this for you

and your heart is currently beating at a million miles an hour 

all the girls in the class are either jealous as hell or AWWWW 

the guys are like well shit how do i top that

as the song ends

he looks at you with an extremely shy/embarrassed/adorable expression

“so y/n will you be my valentine?” he asks 

and you’re in the process of half dying and half hyperventilating 

then just like a huge rush of affection over comes you

you run to him and jump into a spinning hug with him with your legs wrapped around his waist

“yes! yes! yes!” you say 

cue everyone wolf whistling and cheering

jeongin

is adorable and shy and still pretty young 

he doesn’t have much experience 

but he’s liked you a lot for a few months now

and his hyungs always tease him when you’re around 

while you’re STILL not catching on

because hey you like him too 

and why the hell would jeongin 

the most adorable and sweet guy in your grade 

like you? 

not to mention he’s gorgeous 

and all the girls were talking about how much he’ll glow up 

then girls will be flocking to him like seagulls to chips 

australian reference aye AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE OI OI OI 

jeongin is from busan after all 

it’s in the water y’all it’s in the water 

so when he asks you out it’s gonna be because one of the stray kids guys let it slip that he likes you

*COUGHJISUNGCOUGH*

and he panics and freaks out because this is way too soon but also its been months since he likes you

literally runs to you the moment he found out you know 

and ends up confessing in the end 

“um y/n i’m sure you already know and i’m really sorry for making you uncomfortable but i really do like you i have for months but i didn’t know how to tell you and i completely get it if you don’t like me back i hope this won’t be awkwa-“ 

“jeongin i like you too” you say sweetly interrupting his endearing rambling 

“-rd wait what?!!” he exclaims looking at you in surprise

“i like you too” you say more slowly grinning with ever syllable 

“i can’t believe this i’ve actually never thought you’d like me back i haven’t thought this through what do i do now?” he says puzzled pouting cutely

“we’re going on a date this friday night pick me up at 6” you say confidently 

while he just gaped at you then nodded 

“bye jeongin” you say sweetly but cheekily give him a kiss on the cheek

making him BRIGHT RED but smiling his world winning smile back at you

⋆ ──────── ⋆ ✩ ⋆ ──────── ⋆

UM WOW THANK YOU FOR HOW MUCH LOVE YOU’VE GIVEN ME EVEN THO IT’S ONLY BEEN LIKE THREE DAYS?! i hope this one you like too!! it’s much longer and i hope you didn’t mind my terrible humour or how it’s very scenario like. if i mad it general it’d be much harder to be specific for each member. i will be replying to all the requests i decline which unfortunately is quite a lot since i’m getting quite a lot of requests! again thank you so much for the love and support!

master list + rules will be up tomorrow sorry for the delay!

leave me a message, a request or anything you’d like!! love you all!!