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hello i wanted to request a comfort fic with Law,Zoro and Sanji with their s/o being depressed,stressed
thanks in advance
Hi, sorry this took so long! This is the first time I've written a few smaller scenarios instead of one larger fic and I've gotta say, I really enjoyed it. It was a nice change of pace! So thank you for requesting this 😊 I hope this fic brings you the comfort you need, and that you're doing well!!
Hard Times
Pairing: Law, Zoro, Sanji x Reader
SFW
Summary: You've not been yourself lately, and he's been worried about you. Warnings: Mild Hurt/Comfort, Fluff Word Count: 1.7k total (a little over 500 each)
It didn’t take him long to notice something was wrong. There was a subtle change in you, something a less observant man would have missed. But you always had his attention, and he knew you well. You were a bit slower to respond, your eyes a bit unfocused, your smile less bright. He tried to tell himself it was nothing, that you were just a bit tired, but after the third time of finding you in bed, staring blankly at the ceiling, he knew that you needed some more support. He was more than happy to be that support.
Law
Law is a deeply caring man, despite his attempts to appear otherwise, but he is also, unfortunately, terrible at showing it. So he doesn’t talk to you about it, not directly. He instead racks his brain, thinking of every possible way to reduce stress and ways to treat depression. His instinct is to opt for medicine, but he knows he should start smaller first.
“I have a gift for you.” He places it in your hands unceremoniously, trying to hide his delight at your small smile. That’s the most joy you’ve shown in days.
“Thank you, Law! That’s really sweet of you.” You carefully peel back the wrapping paper he had spent far more time than he would admit on, only for your face to show confusion. “A…lamp?”
“A UV lamp.” He says it as though the purpose is obvious.
“Okay?”
“It mimics sunlight.”
You blink at him. “I–you didn’t clarify anything.”
He shifts on his feet, eyes focusing anywhere but you. “We’re down on the seafloor a lot, so you can’t always go on deck for sunlight. And I think some sun will help you.”
Your eyes narrow as you try to put the pieces together. “Why?”
“Sunlight boosts serotonin production.”
You make a soft sound of understanding, before you give him a smirk he would normally hate to admit made his heart skip a beat. “You were worried about me.” You say it like it’s such a victory, like it isn’t something you expected. Clearly he had failed you somehow, if you thought he wasn’t always fretting about you. He typically tries to deny such things, the vulnerability making him feel unsure and small, but you were worth feeling a little weak.
“Of course I was worried about you.” He spits it, like it was so very obvious, and you laugh at him. Normally he would prickle, his defenses growing higher, but that’s the first time he’s heard you laugh in over a week. He would never admit the sound brought a tear to his eye, the relief tearing through him like a hurricane. He can’t help shifting forward, his hands cupping your cheeks as he checks to see if you’ve regained the sparkle in your eyes. It’s dim, but it’s there. He can’t resist kissing you.
You accept his warmth quickly and easily. You practically fall into his arms, nuzzling into his neck when your lips part. “You don’t have to worry. I can handle it. It always passes eventually.”
He sighs, kissing the top of your head. “Just because you can handle it on your own doesn’t mean you have to. You aren’t alone in this. You have me. You have the crew. We’re here for you, whatever you need, whenever you need it.”
Your voice comes out much quieter this time. “I don’t want to be a bother.”
“You aren’t.”
“...You promise you’d tell me if I was?”
He chuckles. “I promise.” He gently takes the lamp out of your hand, places it on your desk, and guides you to your bed. “Now tell me everything you need to get off your chest.”
And, to his relief, you do.
Zoro
Zoro is blunt. He doesn’t know how to dance around your feelings, and frankly, he doesn’t care to. The faster he breaks through your reluctance to tell him what you need, the faster he can help you, and the faster you’ll be happy.
“Why aren’t you asking for help?”
You jump, not having heard him come in, too busy struggling to ground yourself. “What?”
“Something’s wrong. Why haven’t you come to ask for help?” He’s still dripping with sweat, having just come from a particularly intensive workout that was a failed attempt to distract himself until you finally broke and came to him. He can see you try to avoid his eye, so he gently grabs your chin and steers you toward him. He tries to make his voice gentle, sweet in a way he can never quite nail. “Sweetheart, talk to me. I just want to understand.”
You still avoid looking straight at him, even now, but you finally speak. “I…didn’t want to be a burden.”
He can’t hide his obvious confusion. “Huh?”
You finally look at him, not understanding his reaction. “What?”
“Who cares if you’re a burden for a while?”
You look shocked, “I do!”
“Okay, well no one else does! Everyone is a burden sometimes. No one can do everything on their own. The crew’s job is to help each other.”
“None of you guys have ever been a burden.”
“Were we not a burden, or were you just happy to help?”
You open your mouth to argue again, but he can see the exact moment you realize you really have nothing you can say. You can’t deny helping your crew has sometimes made your life harder. He’s seen it countless times. Your Captain alone has gotten you into dozens of situations you could hardly think about without wincing. But you were always happy to help, and a burden shared is a burden halved.
“Everyone here is happy to help you if you need it. All avoiding us does is make us worry.”
You seem to shrink in on yourself. “I’m sorry.”
He pulls you close, chuckling a little at the discontented noise you make when you realize he’s still sweaty. You squirm halfheartedly, but it doesn’t take long before you snuggle into his warmth. He can feel the muscles in your back slowly start to relax under his hands as you accept his touch. “No need for apologies, sweetheart. Just fix it. Talk about it.”
You hold him tight. “I don’t know exactly what I need. Everything’s just…hard. I don’t remember it always being this hard.”
He tries to ignore the way his heart breaks at how pained you sound. He instead focuses on the positives: you’re here, you’re talking, and you’re willing to accept help if it comes. “It won’t be this hard forever. I’ll be right here to make it a little easier, alright? And you can talk to Chopper for some help, too.”
“...Do you think I should?”
“I think that’s up to you. But we’re here. That’s what matters.”
You spend the rest of the afternoon in Zoro’s arms, and if he sees you sneaking to Chopper’s office later, he doesn’t mention it, though his relieved smile might give him away.
Sanji
Sanji is very in tune with your emotions, often realizing you’re upset before anyone else, and sometimes even before you register it yourself. It’s not uncommon for him to suddenly appear, food and drink in hand, ready to pamper you to your (or, maybe more accurately, his) heart’s content. So you don’t seem to suspect a thing when he starts setting up picnics for you on the deck, each dish carefully prepared to boost serotonin production and the drinks designed to reduce stress and anxiety. You’ve probably had more chamomile tea in the past few weeks than you’ve ever had in your life.
He sets up the picnic blanket in the perfect location: enough room in the shade for you to rest if you get too hot, but positioned in a way that encourages you to soak up the sun. As you eat, he oh-so-subtly encourages you to talk, maintains skin on skin contact as much as he can, and observes everything he can to improve the next one.
You sit blankly for a while, letting him do as he pleases but not reciprocating, before you finally speak, your voice much flatter than usual. “Sanji?”
“Yes, my love?”
“Why are you doing this?”
He freezes. “Why am I doing what, angel?”
You shift in his arms, forcing him to look you in the eye as you do so. He can’t help but brush a stray crumb off of your cheek, his thumb tracing down to your jaw. You gently catch his hand in your own, squeezing it. “These picnics aren’t just little dates, are they, Sanji? Something is clearly wrong.”
He doesn’t know how to explain he’s worried about you without you feeling pressured to speak. He doesn’t want to push you if you aren’t ready, but he can’t stand to sit by and watch as you drown in your own head. “I–do you have anything you want to talk about?”
“What?”
“You haven’t been yourself lately. I just thought…you could use something like this.”
You seem to relax a bit. “So you’ve been worried about me?”
“Yes. I didn’t want to push you, but you clearly need some help, darling. I was hoping I could make this a bit easier for you.”
You give him a real smile for the first time in a while. “Is this why you’ve been sneaking me so many little treats? And why you’ve been so desperate to keep me away from caffeine?”
He tries not to flush. “I thought you could use a pick-me-up. And I read getting better sleep can help with mood.” He pulls you closer, pressing your face into his neck to hide his redness from you. “I was hoping it’d make talking about whatever’s wrong a little easier for you.”
You snuggle into him, accepting your warmth. “Talking about it is always hard. Everything is, right now.”
“Are you willing to try? I think it might help.”
He can feel your sigh. Your reluctance. But slowly, carefully, you unfurl the tension you’re holding, and you allow him to carry some of your burdens for you. You talk for hours, about everything, including things you were clearly frightened to speak aloud. By the end, you may not be perfectly happy again, but he can see your steps are a little lighter. He’s never been more relieved.
Tag List: @pandora-writes-one-piece @shy-writer-999 @saturogojosgirl @dreamcastgirl99 @tochillwithamockingjay
#sanji x reader#one piece x reader#one piece#sanji x y/n#sanji x you#one piece sanji#black leg sanji#x reader#op#zoro x reader#zoro x y/n#zoro x you#one piece zoro#roronoa zoro#roronoa zoro x reader#law x reader#trafalgar d law x reader#law x you#law x y/n#trafalgar law#one piece law#one piece fluff
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echoes in the elixirs
WOOHOOOO yay this fic is finally done! i had so much fun writing this! thank you to everyone who supported the last fic i did, i was so happy to see so much interest! special shoutout to @joj0-thesimp for requesting and proofreading beforehand! per usual, requests are ALWAYS welcome! I write for jinx, vi and caitlyn, and do take smut requests.
also, i did my research on the herbs. a good amount of people predict that Jinx struggles with schizophrenia, which its symptoms can be alleviated with ginkgo. please let me know if my research is wrong, that way i can fix this :)
summary: jinx, looking rather off, enters your apothecary, to which you take care of her for the night.
warnings: mention of jinx's mental health issues, mention of seizures, lots of fluff, herbs are basically meds for jinx, jinx needs a hug, one-bed trope, cuddling
“Have a great day!” you called as you gave your product to your client. In the Undercity, every day in the apothecary was quite a busy one. Hundreds of people would file in every day, as they would trade in for your elixirs and remedies that would cure their pain and suffering, even if it was just for a while. The atmosphere was always loud and bustling, making you struggle to keep up.
However, when Jinx would arrive in your shop, things would usually calm down for the amount of time she was there. Business would slow down, and it was usually just you and her alone in the store. Or maybe it wasn’t, and you were just so enamored by Jinx to even notice. Either way, Jinx was your one time to stop and take a breather during the day, which was ironic, considering her electrifying, energetic presence.
“So, do you have my order, sugar?” Jinx would ask when she would enter.
“Sure do! Right here,” you’d always answer. However, today, there was something different. Jinx seemed like there was some sort of hole inside her. She hadn’t shown up for a while, since Silco had died, Piltover had been attacked, and she had had to hide to stay alive.
Today, however, she entered the store, a hood over her head, and her head low. Not to your surprise, instead of greeting you with those words, she browsed the store first, looking around, and generally not communicating with anyone. Understandable. However, you saw she was shaking as if winter’s frost had bitten her, and she had been without a coat. Trying not to overthink it too much, you went on with your business, packing up and giving your orders and occasionally convincing customers to buy more. When your final order was given, you left your table to check up on Jinx.
“Hey Jinx, are you okay?”
She seemed startled by your words, as if she didn’t expect you to come up to her and ask her that. She immediately tried to leave the store, ultimately avoiding your question.
“Jinx!” you called after her, grabbing her arm. “Do you need anything?”
“Yeah,” Jinx admitted, choked up in tone, “I need a shit ton of ginkgo biloba. More than you usually give.” Your stomach drops. Fortunately, now you know exactly what’s going on, and what you can do to help her.
“Is it getting worse?” you ask, turning Jinx around, and holding her shoulder. Her face was all you needed as an answer. Tear streaks lined her face, black and mixed up with her makeup. Her fingernails were unpainted and outlined with her blood from picking at the skin around it so much. The only distinct features that stayed were her two long braids, still hanging off her head and cascading past her waist to her ankles.
“With Silco dead, I just… don’t feel important anymore. They’re getting louder. I can’t sleep, or work, or do anything, I-” Jinx divulges, her head in her hands. You remove her hands from her face and replace them with your own.
“Jinx, do you need to stay here tonight? I can make you some food, and make you a nice tea with the ginkgo, as well as some lavender to calm you down. Whatever you need.”
“How much ginkgo?”
“The usual dosage I give you. Any more could make things a lot worse. Plus, the lavender will calm you down, help you sleep.”
“How much worse? Like what, I pass out for a week or something?”
“Jinx, have you ever heard of a seizure?”
“Oh. I guess I could stay the night. It’s not like I have anything better to do at home or anything.” With that, you closed up your shop, locking the doors, and covering the windows, that way no one knew you were secretly housing Piltover’s most wanted criminal.
You took the time to make Jinx a nice meal, as you knew she already didn’t eat enough, let alone whatever her eating habits were during this tough time of hers. As the meal cooked, you also ground up some lavender and ginkgo, which you then put into a bag in order to prepare her tea. After that, you left the kitchen in the back of your shop real quick to check on Jinx.
“Shut up! She wants to help me, I know it!” you heard her shouting, pacing around the room. Before you knew what you were doing, you ran up to her and hugged her as tightly as you could, making sure she knew that you did care. You heard her breathing slow down, and her body unwind as her tense state left her.
“You good, Jinx?” you asked. She pulled away to look at you, surprised.
“Why do you even care this much?”
“Look, you’ve told me a few things about yourself here and there. And it sucks. Other than the herbs I know you need to calm down, I know you need to be taken care of right now. You need someone to be there for you. And I want to be there for you right now.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re nice to be around.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re funny, and caring, and innovative, and your presence always brightens my day.” With this, Jinx’s round, purple eyes widen.
“I brighten your day?”
“Yes, Jinx. You brighten my day. I look forward to seeing you on the days you’re to come pick up your herbs just so I can see you, even if it’s for a few minutes. Jinx, everyone here is so down to business, and you’re the one who always lingers. Well, sometimes. Other times you were afraid of getting caught for sneaking out, so you were in and out.”
Jinx hugs you this time, burying her face in your chest.
“You’re a good person, don’t ever forget that,” Jinx discloses, tightening her grip.
“Okay, hate to let you go, but I do need to check in on the food and tea.” Jinx holds on as you struggle your way to the kitchen, making sure the food didn’t burn during the moment between the two of you. Luckily, everything was ready, and in about five minutes, dinner had been served for you both. Jinx’s tea helped her greatly, calming her down. The sense of calmness in her eyes brought relief to yours, as you were glad to know that Jinx’s head would slow down for a bit. She was also happy to eat the meal you cooked, which, per your prediction, was the first proper meal she had had in a very long time. After your scrumptious meal, you both prepared for bed. However, there was one small kink in the works of your plan to take care of Jinx; there was only one bed.
“Oh, don’t worry about it,” you assured, “I can sleep on the floor.”
“Are you sure? I can sleep there too,” Jinx replied. You put your foot down though, insisting that she needed a proper sleep. It truly didn’t worry you at all. You began to lay down on the ground, preparing for your sleep. Just as you were about to close your eyes, you heard Jinx’s voice from the corner.
“Could you maybe sleep in the bed with me?”
“Yeah, is everything okay?”
“I just, haven’t slept in a new place that wasn’t where I was holed up in for a long time. Plus, you’re comforting to be around.” You get up, pillows and blankets in your arms, and settle into the bed with Jinx. She clutches onto your waist, her legs wrapping around yours. It takes every fiber in you to not turn around and spoon Jinx right there and then. However, your bountiful dinner, Jinx’s tea, and the calming atmosphere put both of you right to sleep.
so. i originally was going to make this some sort of a love story, but i felt like i couldn't considering jinx's mental state in this fic. shall i draft a part 2/ time jump where they get together?
taglist: @ananas26t @stupendousbananasharkcop @sarcasm-is-my-form-of-attack @t-wylia @emiliaisdead @ihatethis222 @west-c0ast-00 @shootingc @iliterallyhavenoideawhattosay @sweetstarfalls @klerns-birdie
(btw, this is the largest taglist i've had per explicit requests. thank yall so much for supporting <3)
#arcane#arcane netflix#arcane league of legends#arcane jinx#arcane jinx x reader#jinx#jinx arcane#jinx league of legends#jinx arcane x reader#jinx x reader#jinx arcane x fem!reader#jinx arcane x female reader#jinx x fem!reader#jinx x female reader#arcane jinx x fem!reader#jinx x f!reader#arcane jinx x female reader#jinx x you#jinx x y/n#jinx arcane x you#jinx league of legends x reader#jinx arcane x y/n#jinx arcane headcanons#arcane jinx headcanons#arcane headcanon#arcane headcanons#jinx arcane headcanon#arcane jinx headcanon#jinx league of legends x female reader#jinx league of legends x fem!reader
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The Hundred Temples of Agatha Harkness
"Why are you picking this to get insistent about?" Agatha complained. "I mean, it's a flower crown, Rio."
Agatha and Rio, on the road, in love. Agatha is annoying, Rio is romantic and long-suffering. Business as usual, really.
"Rio, stop that," Agatha snapped at her as she absently grew flowers along the side of the road, then plucked a handful of the prettiest ones. Her perpetually-annoyed beloved was in a worse mood than normal, something about the heat, everything taking too long and very possibly the time of the month.
Rio glanced over at the woman she loved, absently working the flowers into a circular shape. "Do you know people used to worship me as a god?" she asked conversationally.
"I didn't," Agatha answered, barely paying attention, then seemed stop and consider that. "Are any of them still around? Because I can think of several ways that could be useful."
"…Agatha, are you suggesting that we scam people who worship me?"
"I mean," Agatha said, pursing her lips as though she seriously needed to consider the question. "…Yes?"
"Do you have any shame?" Rio said, which only made Agatha laugh, a surprised cackle that made an answering smile tug at Rio's lips.
"I wasn't aware you were so invested in morality," Agatha admitted. "Given that your favorite hobby is watching people die."
"It isn't really a hobby, Ags. More like a full-time job."
"Still."
"Death isn't wrong," Rio said. "It's a part of the natural cycle."
"Right, sure. And the part where you love when I murder people?"
Rio's eyes fell half-closed and she licked her lips, savoring the idea of getting to watch Agatha do what she did best. "Well, then it becomes their time to pass beyond the veil. Ags, is there a coven where we're going?"
"Yes, and I will, I promise, but don't get too fired up about it, I want to stay for a few days and do some other things first."
Rio pouted slightly, pressing herself closer to Agatha. "It sounds nice, though. I want it."
Agatha patted her on the shoulder. "It will be just as nice in a few days, I promise."
Rio glanced at the hand on her shoulder. "Whole temples in my honor."
Agatha snickered. "Feeling how far you've fallen?"
"Mm. Every once in a while. But you know, I'd rather be walking down a dirt road with you than have a hundred temples in my honor."
"Right," Agatha said, the compliment sliding off her like water off an oversized, aggravating duck. "…Any chance any of those temples are still standing?”
"No idea," Rio said, trying to decide between exasperated and affectionate and settling on both.
"Shame."
Rio put the completed flower crown on her own head without comment and Agatha glanced over, then shook her head. "…A god, huh," she said, snickering slightly.
Rio considered, then motioned, grew more flowers only to pluck them, feeling them begin to wither and die as soon as their roots broke away from the ground, minuscule deaths but still pleasant, like warm sunlight on her skin. She began to weave them together, choosing only the best and brightest.
"…Surely you don't need that many flower crowns," Agatha pointed out.
"Just one more," she said.
"…Hey, Rio," Agatha said, catching on and immediately beginning to protest. "No. They're very pretty. Very, very pretty. But it's just—it's not my thing."
She didn't answer, humming off-key to herself as she worked the stems together, held up the finished product with a pleased smile. Even better than hers.
Then she quirked a finger at Agatha. "Beloved, come here."
"Noooo," Agatha said, speed-walking away like she was ever going to be able to outrun Death. Rio let her get a few steps ahead and then appeared in front of her, so close Agatha almost ran into her.
"That is an incredibly petty use of your powers," Agatha said, taking a fast step back. "It’s very pretty, love, I'm just not really a flower person. Or a whimsy person. Or whatever that thing represents."
Rio let out a deep, pained sigh, realized that was the first time she'd remembered to breathe in a while. "Agatha."
"Why are you picking this to get insistent about?" Agatha complained. "I mean, it's a flower crown, Rio."
Rio gave the other woman a smile that would have cowed lesser women, the wild, exultant, smile of a being that could have watched the world die and still remained unsatisfied.
It only made Agatha cross her arms and try to stare Death down.
"It represents that every once in a while, my love, I want to win," Rio said.
Agatha searched her expression for a moment, then snatched the flower crown and put it on her head, arranging it neatly. "Are you happy?" she snapped.
"Euphoric," Rio said, catching Agatha's wrist and tugging her into an embrace. "Ecstatic."
"Great," Agatha drawled, her arms looping around Rio’s waist. “So happy. But just so you know, this has nothing to do with your former status as a god. If the Mother herself came and tried to force me to wear this ridiculous thing, I’d tell her no.”
Rio raised an eyebrow. Agatha rarely invoked the Goddess and never in play, the deity was one of the few things she seemed to take seriously, far more seriously than she often took Rio. “Then why?”
Agatha couldn’t quite meet her eyes. ”Because apparently you care,” she murmured. “And I want—you know.”
“To make me happy?”
Agatha inclined her head in agreement. “That.”
“Ags, do you know what would make me very happy?”
Agatha tugged her closer, pressed an overwhelmingly gentle kiss to her lips. "I love you," she said. "I must, right? I'm letting you win."
Rio couldn't help but melt against her lover, always delighted by Agatha managing to be momentarily romantic. "More than a hundred temples," she murmured.
"But consider, my sweet, that we could probably gain more benefit from the temples," Agatha said, slightly too smug with her own amusement.
"Oh, well, if you want me to go off and start a religion…"
Agatha's arms tightened hard around her waist, dragged Rio tighter against her. "No," she said and sometimes Agatha really did get it entirely right, looked at her like the last thing in the world she wanted was for Rio to go anywhere, even if that anywhere might benefit her. "Stay right here, on a dirt road with me."
Rio kissed her in answer, kissed her and kept kissing her until Agatha's cheeks were as red as her mouth. "Always, beloved," she murmured.
Agatha cleared her throat, flushed down her neck. "…We should get going," she said, sliding her fingers through Rio's.
"Sure, Agatha."
It took longer than Rio had expected after they had set off again, hand in hand, for Agatha to glance at her and ask plaintively, "Rio, how long do I have to wear this thing?"
"A little longer, please. It suits you," Rio said, and couldn't stop herself from giggling at the pained expression on her lover's face.
"You would make a very petty deity," Agatha complained.
"Agatha Harkness, you should talk."
That made Agatha burst into delighted, cackling laughter. She bumped her shoulder against Rio's. "…Now there's an idea. I'd take a few hundred temples in my honor.
"If you like," Rio said. "I don't mind if you scam people who worship you."
"Want to start a religion?"
"I want to do almost anything, so long as its with you."
Agatha squeezed her hand, perhaps in acknowledgement of the compliment, a sign that Agatha might be capable of learning after all, then began to workshop a possible religion as they continued their walk down the road together.
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24, 29 and 32 Curt?
-24- best memory
i think he would tell himself its the berlin mission in 1956. i haven't nailed down any of the details for what went on DURING the mission exactly, but it would entail owen doing something crazy stupid for curt, and the two of them emerging victorious and covered in blood and more in love than ever. it solidified to him the idea that together, they're unstoppable, and eased some of curt's anxiety about whether or not the ocean of feelings curt has for owen is matched.
but really, it was something from earlier in their relationship---june of 1954. owen had gotten himself decently hurt on a mission---not serious enough that curt was afraid for him, but serious enough that it couldn't be ignored. curt insisted on patching owen up, and unlike every other time curt has had to take care of him, owen let him do it without a fight. and there was this moment where curt looked up from his work, halfway through a passionate speech about why it was essential that he keep a bottle of whiskey and a bag of chips in his medkit, and caught owen looking at him with eyes full of light. and for a moment, he was overwhelmed with the knowledge that owen had trusted him with this. trusted curt to take care of him. let curt see him at his most vulnerable.
after, when they went to bed. owen kissed him in the gentle, comforting way that he typically reserved for when curt was hurt, or when thought curt was too out of it to notice. curt read him to sleep, and then stayed up for hours---heart bursting with an emotion so indescribable, so impossible it made his head spin. the kind of feeling you get falling.
-29- quirks and personal habits
curt paces a LOT. not just when he's stressed---literally whenever he feels too much about anything, happy or frustrated or thinking about owen. when he can't pace, he bounces his leg or clasps his hands together so tight you can see the tension running through his arms.
during the winter, he gets dry lips, and he never can stop himself from picking them. he refuses to use lip balm (partially because of toxic masculinity and partially because he hates how it feels).
he has really poor volume control and often doesn't realise when he's being too loud (which made stealth training hell for him when he first started out.) he also gets really really loud when he's excited/afraid.
he sings to himself to get earworms out of his head. depending on the song, it either drives owen bananas or is ridiculously endearing
he listens to a lot of radio, even if he doesn't particularly enjoy it.
he hates quiet, and avoids his apartment like the plague
he hasnt changed the hair product he uses since he was recommended it by a girlfriend in high school
-32- toxic traits
massive inferiority complex that results in him doing very inadvisable things for the sake of trying to prove his own worth
very easily jealous---falls under the whole inferiority complex thing a little, but he can get really bitter when he sees others praised, especially in areas he takes pride in (like spying)
he's constantly trying to present this sort of hypermasculine effortless suave persona, and as a result, can be a dismissive asshole when he thinks he's letting too much of his emotion show
on that note, he doesn't handle vulnerability well. like At All. which, tbf, neither does owen
oftentimes abrasive and just a little bit self-centered, sometimes gets way too caught up in his own shit to pay attention to others needs (although he tries really, really hard with owen)
i feel like theres a word for this, but that thing where you do things without fully conceptualizing the potential consequences of an action until they're staring you in the face. its gotten him into way too much trouble
has a very black and white worldview and........doesn't fully see a lot of his enemies as human, or feel empathy for them. he's very stubborn about what's right and wrong
HE'S LITERALLY A SPY FOR THE US GOVERNMENT WHAT ELSE DO I NEED TO SAY
mind you these are the biggest things off the top of my head. there's probably more. love this terrible freak <3
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ok but why is it just One thing after Another
#i’m so stressed 😭#every time i try to be productive SOMETHING is in the way#yesterday i had a bad headache all day and didn’t feel better til like 8 pm#today i’m in bed with cramps :(#druidberryspeaks#dl#sorry for complaining besties i don’t feel well 😔
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okay so here's the thing. my job gave me a shit ton of hours on a new project but the project involves watching tiktok for like, 3 hours a day. so I've been so burned out on social media, but the project is almost over. thank god, because i'm in the family influencer section of my list and jesus christ. jesus fucking christ. the heteros are not okay, y'all.
#silver jelly#i miss y'all but every time i log in i'm just like 'i can't do this; i cannot be perceived rn'#there's something so.......................insidious about the way they communicate on tt#it settles into my body like a parasite idk. like i made an acct bc it makes my job way easier and i have to admit -- i'm following#people! it's a great resource for fashion; beauty; even tho they're trying to sell you shit there's something about seeing it on.#seeing someone put on the product in front of you like it FEELS genuine. logically i know it's not bc of course it's not#and i'm here for bullshit marketing reasons too! but it Tricks you! idk it's crazy. the links are right there!
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I find it kind of silly that so many of those "time based life rule" sayings are like ~deep serious guidelines~ of some sort, but then there's that one other Well Known Rule that's just like "hrmm can I eat something off of the ground or not"
#the duality of human condition.. two biggest concerns in the modern era are attempts at self fulfilling productivity#and also 'if i drop my sandwich can i still eat it :('#Also while capitalism is often linked with/the source of hyper productivity culture - note that I do not mean the images in that context#'meaningful to you' does not have to mean 'productive within a capitalist system'. The point is not 'every waking hour of every day#must be spent in the most societally productive grinding mindset hyper efficency mode possible' but more like#if you've always wanted to learn french ever since you were a kid and you think it would be fulfilling to you (just because you like it#absent of any larger purpose like using it for a job/monetizing it somehow/etc.). and you've just spent like 5 hours straight on tiktok#or something mindlessly scrolling the internet. maybe someimtes it'd help for your own personal fulfillment in the long#run to try to - the next time you have 5 spare hours - work on learning french or something that is actually significant to you#as a person and that you'll be glad you worked towards. instead of weeks and weeks passing by and feeling you have nothing to show for it#or etc. AAANYWAY. The images/rules themselves are also NOT the main point of this post. More just the juxtaposition of them together#and the fact that 3 of them are serious seeming while one is so mundane it seems silly in comparison.#BUT even though they're not the main point . I still didn't want it to come across as if I was like promoting or buying into capitalist#productivity culture propaganda or etc. I don't find productivity tips like this inherently bad as long as they're kind of divorced from#those ideas. I think it's still important in life to have goals even if those goals exist outside of the typical expected framework.#I mean that's actually part of why a culture of chronically exhausted overworked deprived people is damaging because if you#'re forced to spend 85% of your waking time working at some job that is perosnally meaningless to you that brings you nothing that#youre only doing under threat of starvation and houselesness and etc. then of course you don't have much time for hobbies or things you car#about and of course you'll feel more aimless and personally unsatisfied and like life is not fulfilling or interesting.#Productivity and efficiency is GOOD actually. as long as it's able to be directed in ways that are actually meaingful to the community or#individual and bring some sort of feeling of fulfillment or progress or accomplishment and working towards a person's personal ideas#of happiness whatever those are. rather than just working away aimlessly so some guy you don't know can buy a 20th house or etc. etc.#ANYWAY.. lol.. Me overthinking things perhaps.. probably not as likely#that people see the silly little cat images and go 'WOW EVIL you must be a capitalist grind culture lover' like its pretty clear#thats not the point... but... just in case... lol.. I loooove to over clarify things that don't actually need clarification
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its really so absurd to me that even among people that believe climate change is real the popular belief seems to be "and anyone that tries to do anything to mitigate it is annoying and an idiot" like what are you talking about
#tag for when im talking#look i know the problem is corporations and legislation i get this i get that theres not a lot to be done individually#but also even if everyone in every government woke up tomorrow and decided they gave a shit and they were going hard in on this one thing#there would still be like. individual lifestyle changes that need to be made. there would still be a several year period that it would#still be more convenient to do the easier and more climate harming thing. cause even in this fantasy world were everyones on board#it takes time to change production lines and built environments. yknow. but we dont live in this fantasy world.#and realistically theres probably not a lot that most people can do. but a lot of people can do Something. which is better than Nothing.#like i dont think “the problem is corporations” is wrong but i feel like its held up as a way to say “so i dont need to do anything”#and as a way to paint people who try to do something as like. naive and ignorant.#its very uh. doomerism i guess.
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god it's so nice to be doing art again
#🔪.text#i know i keep saying this but#god.#it really really is#and i'm ENJOYING it#which i know i already rambled about that but#for a while art had become something that just felt like a chore#something i HAD to do#and a lot of times i would get frustrated#i'd spend forever on this one section and never feel satisfied#even when the art was good i would end up not liking it#not because i thought the art itself was bad#but because it didn't turn out the way i wanted it to or because it was so frustrating to do that i just couldn't enjoy the final product#i'm not feeling any of that now#i'm just feeling happiness and excitement#art is actually bringing me pleasure again. it's fun for me again#and tbh i'm feeling a little emotional about it#i am back to how my relationship with art used to be as a kid#it was Fun#i think i'm going to try to go to how i was back then and just draw whatever#not wait for some idea#just. hey i wanna draw this character. so i'm gonna draw them doing whatever#it doesn't matter. i'm just drawing them because i want to. there doesn't have to be any other purpose#i miss how often i used to draw and how i used to just draw random things#i want to go back to that.#because that is where i found joy in art#obviously i won't be drawing THAT much because of my wrists#but the point still stands that i want to draw more in general#i don't need to draw big pieces every time#i can just doodle them if i want to
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why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up
#i'm overthinking something that i did and was told off for doing by my director#and on my way home i was thinking when was the last time i was even talked to like that during a production#and then i remembered the costume experience from hell of only a couple months ago that i've already began blocking out#but the thing is that that person was someone i knew i'd never have to work with again#i mean at first i thought i would have to work with them more. then they announced they were moving away immediately#so i only had to deal with them face to face for another weekish after that point and anytime they yelled at me#i was like 'cool. i'll do exactly what you say to do. and nothing more.' but then of course me being me#i did some extra stuff and they initially were like 'oh that's pretty' and then days later told me to cut everything i added#and like sure i get that the show was frozen but girl. that costume was unfinished. i was trying to finish it. it was frozen but looked bad#anyway. whenever they yelled at me and had actual malice in their heart i was like whatever. i was hurt. but i didn't care as much.#but this time it's someone i've worked with many many times before and it was about a habit i have that i know isn't great#but at the same time the thing that prompted it wasn't even me doing this habit it was something else#but she interpreted it as that habit and said that i can't do that on a production she's directing#and that if i couldn't stop then i could pull out from the production and there'd be no hard feelings between us#and honestly i think her reassuring that she knows i'm valuable and that she wants me there while also telling me not to do this thing#and the fact that she's someone i like working with and will continue to work with just made it all hurt so much more#especially since she referenced another past production we've done where i didn't even realize she had noticed that i do this.#and i found myself in near tears. and still am kind of in near tears. i can't decide if i need to cry or not.#and i had NO sleep last night so i was looking forward to sleeping tonight but now i'm just overthinking EVERYTHING#and like. i know everything will be fine. if i just stop inserting myself and stick to just my specific tasks. it'll be fine.#but this is one of the ways my ocd manifests. i feel like i have to personally fix something i notice going wrong. or it'll be bad.#because every single time i choose to sit back and not be nosy when i notice something it ends up bad in a way i could have prevented#if i just inserted myself in a situation i technically wasn't part of but knew i could help or fix. so i just need to not do that.#but then i feel guilt if it does go wrong in the ways i immediately assumed it would and in a way i could prevent.#and i've been trying to work on this for like 6 months and aaaahhhh it's hard and being called out on it from her just really really hurt#i still may or may not cry. i don't know. the irony of me telling my therapist THIS MORNING that it's been a while since i last cried.#and the universe being like 'i took that as a challenge' and handing me this situation for me to spiral over.#i need to leave things alone. i need to stare straight ahead. and ignore whatever isn't specifically for me to do. but ahhh i want to help#and then of course my mom has this same habit and it annoys me when she does it yet i do it to other people and ahhhhhhhh#brain please just shut up. i need to sleep. i have to work tomorrow.
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me, idly thinking, earlier today: oh wait that's an interesting idea for a flash piece, actually, why don't i sit down tonight for an hour or so and see if i can't bang out something super rough and casual about it. this will be good practice for me at actually putting Words On The Page without stressing too much and over-editing as i write! :)
me tonight, three hours deep, frantically googling crime statistics, rainfall patterns, and multiple WHO databases so i can get this single specific sentence Just Right: hmm. well.
#caseyposting#i JUST. ugh. i'm so so so bad at first drafts which is why i'm so fucking slow#need to learn how to just do what Every Other Writer does and have. multiple drafts of something. rather than trying to make it all perfect#on the first go and never getting anywhere#i mean on the bright side it means that my ''first drafts'' are typically pretty close to my ultimate vision for the piece already#(or at least. as close as i feel capable of getting at my current skill level as a writer.)#so i never spend tons of time in a rewrite stage once i DO have Some Kind Of Product#but like. fucking no one uses this writing process! because there's no way it's sustainable and productive long-term! what is wrong with me
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So anyways my plan for the next two months is to kickass at work while I get another job and then leave their asses.
#I'm so mad about this#I've been at this company for 6 years and for the most part everyone I've worked with has been great#Easy to get along with. Smart. Caring.#I've had some not so great bosses and every once in a while I've encountered problem people#But repeatedly one person (not in my vertical but a key person in my org)#Has repeatedly made me feel like shit. Even if she claims to mean well or whatever#I absolutely never feel like we're ok the same team. It always feels like it's her team or death#Which is not an environment I thrive in#And then her boss (who is also my bosses boss) either feeds into that or exacerbates it#I wish I had had the words during our engagement survey because I'm not the only one who feels this way#So many people go into a meeting with her expecting to talk about one thing and instead she asks for something else entirely#It consistently feels like she has no trust in her team and she does not want to foster a culture of 'we're in the same team'#She is fostering a culture of 'im the boss so I'll dictate exactly what I want and I am free to change it at any time'#So. Anyways. If you know of companies hiring in their product or portfolio space hit me up.#I spent 10 hours trying not to cry at work today and then had three separate little cries#Going to going with my boss a little about taking a week off soon#He's going to be alarmed and concerned but like. He should be.#(my boss is generally great my only complaint is that he hasn't figure out how to work with his boss yet so that's compounding my issues.#But that is not all on him. And he has never once made me feel like we're not on the same team)#Blah blah ok. Tomorrow I work and then do the life shit I didn't do today#The day after that I do a second pass at my resume#And use a working block at work to figure out what I want (and sketch out my teams pain points and potential solutions)
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I NEEED to go back to making art that makes it ABUNDANTLY clear that theres something wrong with my brain BUT NOT in a cool or stylishly interesting way. i need to do it in a way that makes people say "hm." and walk away
#sowwy ive been kinda going through it in my fine arts major rn can u tell HJKSDHKFd#ive been feeling like. scared. and paralyzed by marketability and branding.#i cant stop thinking about how other people will see my art. but not like in a good way#when i was younger i thought about it in a good way. like hee hee hoo hoo the act of looking connected us hee hee#but rn i keep thinking about it in like this wretched like consumer product mindset? ouhhghhhhh el problema es el capitalismo#and like maybe this works for some people. to think like this. to make art like this. its what my professors push me towards#not intentionally. they dont say it out loud at least. im not sure if they know or not some of the irony#my professors are nice and pretty smart and talented and i like em. but sometimes i wonder like. the push for us as students to make like#marketable 'avant garde'? stuff thats safe but pretending to be weird and out there#i dont mean to sound pretentious. in general i play it too safe myself (spent too much time as an edgy 10 year old with my#parents freaking out over my shoulder because they think the fact that i drew an anime character frowning means something serious LOL)#but i dunno man. my least interesting art with the least amount of care thought or effort always gets so much more attention in school#nowhere else oddly. online? people like my more passionate but seemingly frivolous art (oc art etc. not frivolous to me but yknow how it is#same with irl artists and other industry people outside my school. whats going on in my school LOL#i know from experience i cant push myself into a supposedly marketable brand. if i try to make something sell it will not.#i dont know why. maybe theres an invisible essence buyers can tell when i didnt care jkfsldjdfrds#but my teachers LOOOOVE the stuff i put no passion in its so bizarre orz but i gotta relearn how to ignore half of their advice#i used to be better at it. but i also only used to ignore like a quarter of their advice. maybe i need to amp up how much im ignoring#that sounds mean. they have plenty of good advice. but also plenty of advice thats clouded by their own biases#and i gotta relearn how to sort out this stuff again. i forget every few months for some reason#you know i always think ouuhhhhh i act so neurotypical ouhhhhhhhhh im outgoing i talk to strangers all the time i seem confident#im so masked IM SO MASKED but then i go a couple weeks where every conversation i have has people looking at me like#i have two heads and neither of them are speaking their language. and then i descend into madness like this HJKLDSHJDS#i'll be fine i'll figure it out. i need to stop trying to get a good grade in being a 'cutting edge' conventional artist <3#i need to just. draw my cartoon characters in peace 😔😔😔
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being friends with someone who constantly throws pity parties for themselves is fucking exhausting.
#this isn't about anyone that follows me here or that i follow here.#but i have a friend in a group where just..... every time someone says something good about us as a group#they feel the need to put themselves down on main and interrupt the conversation.#it's fucking tiring.#the comment was 'i can't believe we're all academics' and i responded 'it's wild but great'#and then they just go 'i feel really dumb but i guess i'm an academic sometimes' and then the convo gets derailed#like the two of us were literally celebrating that we're all nerdy academics together but now it's managing their emotions on how stupid-#-they feel.#i am so tired. this happens all the time.#i get it. i get it. when i had horrid self-esteem (as if i don't have that now) i felt the need to do this#but like. it's not productive and it's killed the vibe. and i wish they would knock it off but it's unfortunately a pattern of behavior#that happens all the time. and i wish i knew what to do about it bc it's getting on my nerves.#like i said. nobody here is doing this. this is a different person. if you think it's about you No It Isn't#(and if you think you know who i'm talking about no you don't)#idk i just wind up in the position of talking them down all the time and trying to steer them in a more positive direction#and i'm running out of energy for it and it's wearing on me.#they're fun to talk to sometimes but i think over the last few years i've turned into their therapist friend.#'how do i ask someone out' 'do i drop my crush bc i haven't confessed and they aren't acting the way i'd hoped'#'why do i feel like shit all the time' idk man stop fucking asking me#i'm not cut out for this. One Single Class stressed me out so badly i wound up in therapy again. like. i'm Unqualified.#and i'm dissatisfied that i'm stuck in this role and idk how to get out of it
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i have many thoughts in general but this tidbit from tingyun's voice lines is one of the things i wanna elaborate some more on at some point...
" Every time I head out, I leave a letter behind and lock it in the drawers of my shop. If I come back, then I'll burn it later. If I don't... then it'll be something for others to remember me by."
#OOC.#this post is more of a reminder to myself before i go try to write some stuff for nat and/or stelle#but idk i like her concept of being pacifistic despite the inherent dangers of her position as... basically a galactic ambassador?#it says that most reps take weapons with them but she refuses to because she believes that you should build relationships from a foundation#of peace instead of threat of violence#which has worked in her favor but idk its kinda sombering knowing that she basically leaves her last words in a letter every time sh#e leaves for another planet to do her job because she knows shes leaving herself vulnerable if somebody wanted to do something to hurt her#and she burns it every time she comes back only to rewrite it again months later when she goes on her next trip#xi.anzhou's lore is ROUGH dont get me wrong but theres a lot of fun concepts in there that im smashing together LMAO#also her traveling the way she does opens up so much room to meet literally anybody#its just jarilo-vi right now but as more worlds open up it just gives her more room to work with#also the fact that it opens up a lot of possiblities for world building for her to come to these planets because she's there ON business an#trade & commerce is one of the BIGGEST things a society needs. one decision could steer the entire direction of their society in a complete#y different direction#like even just introducing more leisurely/hobby focused products can be a huge turning point for a war stricken world#or better materials for their tech and their buildings#new crops in exchange for what they have#literally the exchange we see in her lore is her discussing taking just a few samples of a world's plants and growing it on xianzhou for#commercial sale AND that world would recieve shipments of said crops along with wahtever other deals they struck#and blablabla yes i know capitalism whatever. tis the way of the world and i think its really interesting frmo a worldbuilding standpoint#tingyuns a very interesting character because she can change a lot of things in very little time in the big picture#i feel like she's commonly brushed off as a shallow character who doesnt do much but she's one of the most accomplished characters in xian#zhou EASILY#yes you could argue that jing yuan is more because of his general shit or yukong is the helm master blablabla like Yes they are also very#accomplished but she is the literal only reason that the grand fairs are FAMOUS throughout the galaxy. they werent until she took leadershi#she's completed trade missions to SIXTEEN different panets and is implied to have formed alliances with at least a few of them#and was the one to renew xianzhou's mutual alliance with the IPC#i dunno#also i think people see her as way more of a trickster than she is#like ... i thought she was too but she really isn't particularly mischevious? girls tried to leave MULTIPLE times during the story bc she
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I love all of these goofy product photos where the water bottle is extremely obviously just photoshopped onto a stock image of someone pretending to hold something or whatever.. very convincing..
#the last one where the water bottle is like nearly the size of the woman's entire leg ghbjbjhh#ALSO I know.. gross.. nasty.. amazon.. I was only looking there because I was trying to find an exact replica of an old water bottle#I bought like 6 years ago in a store and I just wanted another one of those and it seemed like the only place the old manufacturer#still sold was through amazon but.. alas.. I think they just don't make them anymore. so I have abandoned my hunt#I didn't actually buy anything. but I did get distracted clicking through product images for a few of them#it's bizarre how like............... idk.. WHY is this done??? Isn't this offputting to basically ANY potential customer?? or do people#not look at every photo/read the entire page/all product information before buying??#all of these are from like front page ''top sellers'' or whatever like........... how does this not hurt the brand????#If the company can't even bother to take a single photo of a real life person using their real life product then... that to me#is kind of red flaggy..?? even if you're an indie start up small business with hardly any funds.. still#A real photo of the product you are selling in a real actual non-photo shopped environment does not seem that inacessible#Maybe it's because everyone does everything on phones now?? So it's harder to see the pictures when they're smaller?#Kind of the same thing with ai art and also hair color photoshops lol.. On my full comptuer screen it is SOOO easy to spot ai art#like IMMEDIATELy from the little tells and ways certain details morph into each other etc. I dont even mean obvious dalle mini stuff but#like the Fancy High Quality Photorealistic AI art is still pretty blatant 98% of the time if you know what to look for. But I still catch#people sharing it a lot like 'omg where can I buy this pair of shoes!! :O <3' .. erm you cannot.. that is the most balatantly fake looking#pair of shoes I have seen in my life hhjbj.. the heels are both different heights. there's a different number of straps on each one. etc.#AND that phase back before colored hair was Mainstream and people would post photos like 'omg going to bring this to the salon!! dream hair#and it's like.. you can LITERALLY see the parts where it's 'colored outside of the lines' and is so clearly just a person with blond hair#that someone drew over with a tint brush or something not even very neatly. etc. etc. ANYWAY.. Maybe with phones it's harder to tell these#things?? To me so much of it is instantly recognizable and it's suprising to me that people either don't notice or don't care and will#interact with it anyway by buying the product or acting like some ai art fake furniture is real or etc. etc. ..hewwoo#Aslo sidenote - I think I've become soo cynical and tired of constantly being advertised to that I literally cannot shop without getting#exhausted. I do not see how marketing is anything but obnoxious and transparent. Every item description having stuff like ''Our company is#commited to bringing you the highest quality water products! we set out with a mission to bring high quality products to people all over#the world and we believe in spreading health and happiness and'' just like SHUT THE HELL UP!! youre a fucking company#you don't ''beleive'' in anything you are here to sell a product. stop trying to talk like you're my bff who cares deeply about my health#or something just tell me the materials and product specifications of your stupid fucking water bottle and move on. Idont need to hear your#whole bullshit spiel about what ~your company stands for~ that is SO much MORE offputting. you make me want to buy the item LESS..#longing for the type of ads from my 1800s magazines that are just like 'this product is good. please buy it. okay thank you much. bye'
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