#every time i think about him i feel so sad

[mrsh4rdy]

synopsis: you have insecurities and your loving boyfriend comforts you

character [separate]: Nanami Kento x reader, Gojo Satoru x reader, Suguru Geto x reader, Toji Fushiguro x reader, Sukuna Ryomen x reader, Choso Kamo x reader, Megumi Fushiguro x reader, Yuji Itadori x reader. (fem!)

warning: complex about weight, face, stretch marks, pimples, ass, boobs, nose, thighs and too much love! (rare mention of Y/N)

words: 4550.

Kento N.

You stand in front of the mirror in your and Kento’s bedroom, staring at your reflection with a disgusted look. Your eyes linger on the curves of your body, scrutinizing every detail, hoping that something can change. You run a hand over your stomach, a soft sigh escaping your lips. “If only I were thinner…” you think, a feeling of frustration rising in you, tears threatening to fall.

The bedroom door opens slowly. Kento enters, a small smile on his lips, but he stops as soon as he sees your expression. He knows you by heart, and he immediately senses that something is wrong. Slowly, he approaches you, his gaze filled with softness, as if he wants to wrap you in a cocoon of comfort.

“You know that you are beautiful, right?” he says, his voice low, full of tenderness, but also of certainty.

You turn your head slightly, surprised to see him. His eyes stare at you with such sincerity, but your heart remains heavy. “You don’t understand, Kento. I… I feel… so bad. I can’t get rid of this. I hate my body.” Your voice trembles, marked by uncertainty and sadness.

He moves closer, and without a word, he stands behind you. His hands gently rest on your stomach, and he looks at you through the mirror, his gaze filled with love and understanding. He gently caresses your skin, as if to soothe your anxieties.

“I love you just the way you are,” he whispers, his voice soft, but firm. “No matter the curves, no matter the weight. What matters is you, the soul that hides behind this body.”

The tears threatening to fall stop for a moment, your eyes filling with tears of gratitude. His words, his gestures, everything about him surrounds you with infinite tenderness. You lower your eyes, drowning in his words.

Kento turns you around and gently takes your chin to force you to look him in the eyes. His gaze is so intense, so gentle, that you feel instantly soothed. His eyes shine with love, and you could melt in his gaze like butter.

“You are perfect for me,” he says, his voice resonating in your heart. “You don’t need to look like any standard to be beautiful. Beauty lies in what you really are.”

A small shy smile appears on your lips, a slight weight leaving your heart. Even if your complexes were not going to disappear overnight, Kento gave you the strength to face them. He gave you the strength to be yourself, fully, without needing to change anything.

“Thank you, Kento,” you whisper, your eyes shining with gratitude. “You’re right. It’s time I started accepting myself as I am.”

He smiles, a tender smile that melts your heart, and without another word, he gently embraces you. His muscular arms close around you with infinite tenderness, holding you against him, protecting you, offering you all his love. Then he kisses you, a soft kiss, full of promises and sweetness.

“And I will always be there to remind you how incredible you are,” he murmurs against your lips, before holding you even closer to him. His arms give you a feeling of absolute safety, as if nothing could ever harm you.

In his arms, you feel both strong and vulnerable, but above all, you feel loved. And with him, you know that you will eventually learn to accept yourself as you are.

Gojo S.

You stare at your reflection in the bathroom mirror, arms crossed around your chest as if to hide from your own judgment. A sigh escapes your lips, heavy and laden with an old insecurity that refuses to leave you. You put on a tight black dress, bought on impulse, encouraged by your friends. But now, alone under your sad gaze, you wonder if you didn't make a mistake.

A light knock hits the door, making you jump.

"Y/N, what are you doing?" Satoru Gojo's amused voice echoes from the other side. "You left to get ready ages ago. If you wanted to make me impatient, you succeeded. I already miss you, you know."

You bite your lip. Of course, he's joking, as always. But just the idea that he could look at you and... notice, paralyzes you. “I… I’m coming, give me a second,” you answer in a shaky voice that you hoped would be firm.

A moment of silence falls before you hear the creak of the door opening slowly. “Can I come in? I promise, I’ll close my eyes,” he says, although you know full well that he hasn’t. You know him well, too well.

“No, stay outside!” you protest, but it’s too late. He’s already slipped his head into the frame, a mischievous smile lighting up his face. Normally, he would melt you but he makes you uncomfortable at this moment.

“Well, good evening, beautiful…” he says, his blue eyes shining with tenderness behind his glasses. However, his smile fades slightly when he notices your discomfort.

“Y/N, what’s wrong?” he asks, this time without any hint of mockery. He opens the door a little wider and enters, leaning against the wall.

You look away, nervously playing with your fingers. “It’s… that dress. I shouldn’t wear it. It doesn’t fit me.”

He frowns, clearly puzzled. “Why do you say that? It fits you perfectly. You look beautiful, babe.”

“No, it doesn’t,” you whisper. “She.. she.. nothing, forget it. I’m going to change.”

He tilts his head slightly, curious. “No no no. Tell me what’s wrong. You know I don’t like it when you do.” You gesture vaguely to your chest, feeling your cheeks burn. “I.. that. They’re… too small. It looks ridiculous in a dress like that.”

A silence follows your words, but it’s not awkward. It’s more of a suspended moment, where Satoru looks at you with this disarming intensity that makes your heart beat faster. Then, he bursts out laughing.

“Are you serious? Y/N, are you telling me that you’re worried about this?” You glare at him. “Stop laughing, Satoru, I’m serious!”

He raises his hands in surrender, although an amused smile still dances on his lips. “Okay, sorry. But… you have no idea how gorgeous you are, do you?”

You narrow your eyes, unconvinced. “Gojo…”

“No, listen to me.” This time, his tone is more serious. “You know what I see when I look at you? I see a confident, funny, intelligent, and yes sexy woman. I think you’re perfect even if you have small breasts like you’re implying.”

Your cheeks heat up under the intensity of his gaze, and you lower your eyes, embarrassed. “You say that to reassure me.” He approaches slowly, placing his hands on your shoulders. “No, I say that because it’s true.”

His fingers slide up to your chin to gently lift your face. His blue eyes, as captivating as a cloudless sky, are fixed on yours. “You’re so beautiful. If anyone thinks otherwise, they’ll have to deal with me. But honestly, who would dare criticize a queen? My queen? Mine.” He smiles softly and laughs lightly.

A laugh escapes you in spite of yourself, and you shake your head. “You’re so.. I don’t know actually.”

“Are you losing your words, baby?” You roll your eyes, but a shy smile lights up your face. “Maybe yes but thank you, Gojo.”

“You’re welcome. Now, stop hiding. This dress is beautiful, and you, even more so. Come on, come on.”

He holds out his hand to you, his smile bright as always, but this time, there seems to be a silent promise in his gestures: that of seeing you as he sees you, today and always.

Geto S.

The soft light of the late afternoon sun gently seeps into your apartment, wrapping every corner in a comforting warmth. You’re sitting down, your phone in your hands. Your gaze lingers on the photos scrolling past, perfect faces, fine noses, so harmonious. With every comparison, your heart tightens a little more.

In the kitchen, Geto is cooking quietly, preparing dinner. But even as he focuses on his task, he can’t ignore your unusual silence or the subtle sadness that seems to hover around you.

He sets down the knife he’s holding and approaches you. In a few steps, he’s in front of you, crouching to catch your gaze.

“Hey, you okay, baby?” he murmurs softly.

You startle slightly, surprised, before placing your phone face down on the coffee table. “Yeah… I’m fine,” you reply, but your voice utterly lacks conviction.

He tilts his head to the side, a small smirk on his lips. “You know I’m not going to believe that, right?” You look away, a sigh escaping your lips. “It’s nothing, Geto. Just… a stupid thing.”

“Nothing that bothers you is stupid,” he replies, sitting down beside you. He wraps an arm around your shoulders, gently pulling you close and smiling at you. “Come on, tell me.”

You hesitate, nervously fidgeting with a crease in your pants. Finally, you murmur, “My nose.”

He blinks, surprised. “Your nose?”

“Yes, my nose,” you repeat, your voice trembling. “It’s too big, too… weird. Sometimes I feel like it’s all people notice. I feel like it ruins my face…”

A silence settles, but it’s not heavy. Geto looks at you with infinite tenderness, his fingers slipping into your hair to comfort you.

“Do you want to know what I think when I look at your nose?” he murmurs at last. You nod slightly, unable to meet his eyes.

“I think he’s perfect. Because it’s yours.” Your eyes timidly rise to meet his, your cheeks burning under the intensity of his gaze.

“Listen to me,” he continues. “I’m not going to tell you that you shouldn’t feel that way, because it’s normal to have doubts. But I want you to understand something: your nose is part of what makes you unique. It gives character to your face, and it’s that face that I love, more and more every single day.”

He leans in and presses a gentle kiss to the tip of your nose, so soft that your eyes instinctively close.

“And you know what else?” he adds with a playful smile. “This nose, I find it so adorable that I could spend my whole life kissing it.”

“Stop,” you protest with a quiet laugh, your cheeks now on fire. “No,” he retorts, placing another kiss, then another, until you burst out laughing. “I’m dead serious.”

You snuggle into him, burying your face in his neck to hide your smile. “You’re insufferable, Geto.”

“Maybe. But for you, I’ll happily stay insufferable,” he replies, gently running his fingers through your hair. “Because I love you. All of you. And your nose, my dear, is part of the package.”

A sigh escapes you, but this time it’s one of relief. His words settle in your heart, dispelling your insecurities like clouds under the sun.

“Thank you,” you murmur against his skin, your voice trembling with emotion.

“You’re welcome,” he whispers, his warm breath brushing your ear. “But remember, I’ll tell you as many times as you need to hear it.”

And in his arms, cradled by the golden evening light and his reassuring words, you feel your insecurity fade away. In that moment, you realize that in his eyes, you are already perfect. In your own way.

Toji F.

The morning light gently bathes the room, making the atmosphere peaceful. You stand in front of the mirror, dressed in your favorite shorts and a loose tank top. You turn slightly, pulling on the fabric to examine your reflection from different angles. But with each glance, the same thought comes back to you: “My ass is not enough.”

You lightly pinch the skin of your hips, hoping to see something change. But nothing satisfies you. For a few days, this complex has been haunting you, and today, it’s even heavier.

The door opens abruptly, revealing Toji, shirtless, in jogging pants, a lazy and amused smile hanging on his lips. He holds a cup of coffee that he places on the dresser before leaning nonchalantly against the doorframe.

“So, what’s this scene? Are you casting for a fashion show or something?” he jokes, his tone mocking but tender.

You roll your eyes, sighing. “Toji, not now.” Intrigued, he enters the room, his eyebrows furrowing slightly. He walks over and stands behind you, his hands naturally coming to rest on your hips.

“Come on, tell me. You have that ‘I’m worrying too much about nothing’ face.”

You hesitate, biting your lip. Finally, reluctantly, you blurt out, “I think… my ass isn’t great.”

He stays silent, as if he needs a moment to digest your words. Then, a deep, low laugh echoes through the room. He rests his chin on your shoulder, his amused smile reflected in the mirror.

“Your ass? Seriously? Is that what you’re complaining about?”

You roll your eyes, crossing your arms. “Yeah, my ass. I think it’s too flat.” Not round enough, not… attractive enough.”

Toji arches an eyebrow, letting his large hands slide from your hips to your buttocks, grabbing them without any embarrassment. He pretends to think, lightly pressing the flesh with his thumbs. “Hmm… I would say that you are completely off the mark.”

You turn your head slightly to give him a skeptical look. “Toji, be serious.”

He leans forward a little, and his voice becomes softer, although a smile persists on his lips. “I am serious. Your ass is perfect. Like, really perfect. Not too much, not too little. Just the way I like it. And believe me, I know what I am talking about.”

You feel your cheeks heat up at his words, even if you can’t help but sigh. He is unbearable, but you know that he is always honest.

He straightens up slightly, pats your behind with a familiar and slightly redneck gesture, but strangely reassuring. “Listen, you don’t need an Insta-model ass to please me. You’re you, and I’m totally fine with that.”

He spins you around so you’re facing him, his big hands still on your hips. “Seriously, if anyone tells you your ass isn’t good enough, tell me who it is. I could do the opposite to him or her.”

You burst out laughing despite yourself, shaking your head. “Toji, you’re really annoying.”

“Maybe. But I’m your annoying boyfriend, and your ass is part of the reason I’m here,” he replies with a proud smile. He places a quick kiss on your forehead before walking away to grab his coffee cup.

As he leaves the room, he calls over his shoulder, “And next time you’re in doubt, remember that this is the ass approved by Toji, your wonderful boyfriend. And that’s the best seal of quality.”

You stand there for a moment, an involuntary smile tugging at your lips. Turning back to the mirror, your gaze softens. Maybe he’s right. After all, if Toji, in all his brutal honesty, thinks it’s perfect… maybe you can start to believe him.

Sukuna R.

Sitting in front of your dressing table mirror, a sigh escapes your lips. The dim light in the room seems to amplify everything you hate about your reflection. Your fingers trace a faint scar on your cheek, an indelible reminder of a moment you’d rather forget. You lower your head, biting your bottom lip to hold back the wave of sadness rising within you. The mirror, once again tonight, is your judge, and you feel condemned.

A deep, mocking voice breaks the silence: “Are you going to keep sulking, or do you want me to smash that thing for you?”

Startled, you quickly lift your head. Your eyes meet Sukuna’s piercing gaze as he leans against the doorframe. His arms are crossed, and his teasing smirk makes it clear he’s enjoying your unease.

“What are you doing here?” you ask, trying to hide your discomfort.

“Me? I was waiting for you, but apparently, this mirror is more interesting than me,” he replies, stepping forward slowly, his imposing presence filling the room.

“It’s not that,” you murmur, averting your gaze. “I… I was just thinking.”

Sukuna stops behind you, leaning slightly to observe your reflection in the mirror. “Sure… You really think I’ll believe that? You look like you’re ready to fight yourself.”

You remain silent, your hands gripping the edge of the mirror. You know he won’t let it go. “I just feel… not good enough,” you finally admit, your voice barely audible.

Sukuna raises an eyebrow, his expression hovering between annoyance and curiosity. His large hands settle on your shoulders, their warmth oddly reassuring despite his firm grip.

“Not good enough for what?” he asks, his tone calm but still sharp.

“For everything,” you finally exhale, your breath trembling. “All I see are the imperfections… the scars, the flaws… and I can’t figure out what you see in me.”

A heavy but not uncomfortable silence falls. Sukuna doesn’t respond immediately, letting your words linger in the air. Then, slowly, he leans down until his face is level with yours. Your eyes meet his in the mirror.

“Do you want to know what I see?” he murmurs, his voice low and gravelly. “I see someone strong enough to catch the attention of a king like me. Someone who didn’t run away from my worst sides. Those scars you hate? They’re proof you survived. Those ‘flaws’? They make you real. Unique.”

His fingers gently brush your cheek, tracing the faint scar you were staring at just moments ago. “You think I care about a perfect face? I could have a thousand perfect faces if I wanted. But you, you’re so much more than what you see in this damn mirror.”

Your throat tightens, your eyes burning with emotion. You’re not used to this kind of honesty from him. You turn slightly to look at him, finally letting your guard down.

“You’re rarely this kind, Sukuna. I could get used to it,” you say with a small smile, your voice a little lighter.

“Enjoy it. It doesn’t happen every day,” he replies with a toothy grin, though a soft glimmer lingers in his crimson eyes. “But listen to me: I won’t let anyone, not even you, put down the woman who shares my life. If you start criticizing yourself again, I swear I’ll smash that mirror.”

A light, genuine laugh escapes you. “I believe you would.”

“Of course I would,” he says, standing up straight, his usual arrogance returning. “Now stop wasting your time here. You’re way too beautiful to be sitting in front of a mirror.”

You nod, a comforting warmth replacing the weight you carried just moments ago. Sukuna, in all his bluntness and intensity, had just given you one of the most precious moments you’d ever experienced.

You take his outstretched hand, rising to follow him. Behind you, the mirror reflects the faint smile on your face, and for the first time in a long time, you find it almost beautiful.

Choso K.

The TV is playing a movie in the background, but you’re not really following the story. Slumped on the couch, in shorts and Choso’s t-shirt, you can’t focus on anything other than your thoughts. Choso, calm and relaxed, sits next to you, his arm casually resting on the back of the couch. His presence is soothing, as always, but tonight, you feel too lost in your own thoughts.

You look down at your thighs, slightly exposed by the shorts you’re wearing. They feel wide, too wide, for your taste. A wave of dissatisfaction rises in you, and you adjust your shorts to cover your thighs a little more.

“You’ve been doing this since earlier.” Choso’s soft voice pulls you out of your thoughts. He has turned his head towards you, his deep eyes fixed on you with a usual tenderness.

“Do what?” you ask, even though you know very well what he’s talking about. “Pull on your shorts.” Hide your thighs.” He tilts his head slightly, as if to study you more closely. “What’s wrong?”

You look away, embarrassed. “Nothing. It’s… It’s stupid.”

He shifts slightly, moving closer to you, and places a gentle hand on your thigh, just enough for you to feel its warmth. “If it bothers you, then it’s not stupid. Tell me.”

You sigh, hesitating for a moment before blurting it out. “My thighs. I find them… too big. They make me self-conscious. I know, it’s ridiculous, but I don’t like them right now...”

Choso looks at you for a moment in silence, and you worry that he’ll find your confession absurd. But instead, he slowly slides his hand over your thigh, in a reassuring gesture, and murmurs softly, “They’re perfect.”

You raise an eyebrow, unconvinced. “Perfect? ​​You’re exaggerating.”

He shakes his head, a genuine smile on his lips. “I’m serious. You know, what I like about you is that everything about you seems… real. They’re not ‘too’ big. They’re exactly how they’re supposed to be.”

You blush, touched by his sincerity. “You’re just saying that to please me.”

He lifts his hand to gently brush your face, his gaze fixed on yours. “No, I say that because it’s true. Every time I see you, everything about you seems beautiful. And your thighs?” He pats one of them gently, his smile widening slightly. “They’re the most comfortable place in the world. Do you realize how many times I rest my head on them when we watch a movie?”

You burst out laughing despite yourself, unable to keep a straight face in the face of his soft but teasing tone. “You’re so cute, you know that?”

He shrugs. “If it makes you smile, then that’s fine with me.” Then he gently pulls you against him, wrapping you in a warm and secure embrace. “Stop hurting yourself with thoughts like that. You’re beautiful, always. You’re my wonderful girlfriend.”

You snuggle against him, a peaceful smile on your lips. With Choso, your complex seems less heavy, as if it fades under his sincere love. You love him so much.

Megumi F.

The morning dawned with an almost surreal softness. You stretched under the covers, then went to the bathroom to start your daily routine. But that morning, a small big detail made you jump.

You looked at yourself in the mirror, and your heart grew heavy when you saw several pimples on your face. You bit your lip, annoyed, knowing full well that it would tarnish your mood during the day.

You gently rubbed the skin on your face, trying not to let frustration take over. This kind of morning, you were tired of seeing them appear without warning. With a sigh, you quickly got dressed and left the bathroom. You didn't really want to face Megumi in this state.

You entered the kitchen, where he was already making coffee, as usual. Megumi looked up at you, a calm but attentive gaze that never failed to make you feel special. But that morning, you didn’t feel like you were up to that gaze.

“You’re beautiful, Y/N.”

Megumi said, without even needing to look at you completely, as if he knew exactly what was going on in your head. He knows you so well that it’s scary. His voice, soft but marked by a sincerity that he knew how to bring out well.

You looked down, embarrassed. “But look… at my pimples. They’re everywhere. It’s really ugly, don’t you think?”

Megumi looked at you and approached you. His hands, large but infinitely soft, delicately lifted your chin to force you to look at him. His face remained implacable, but his eyes were full of kindness.

“Do you really think it bothers me?” he asked, his voice cold but looking genuinely interested. “Imperfections are human. What matters is how you feel about yourself.”

You shrugged, your gaze avoiding Megumi’s. You couldn’t understand why these little imperfections made you feel so vulnerable. “I know,” you murmured, “but sometimes, I can’t accept it. And you deserve better than a girlfriend with pimples on her face.”

Megumi stared at you for a long time, then he gave a small smile, softer than anything you had ever seen from him. He took your hand in his, squeezing it gently.

“I’m with you for you, Y/N. Not for your perfect face, but for your heart and soul. And you know that very well. So, don’t worry about it. These little pimples don’t change anything for me.”

You felt a soft warmth spread through you, and a huge weight lift from your shoulders. Megumi, even with his cold nature, always knew exactly how to comfort you.

“Thank you, Megumi,” you said, a shy smile playing on your lips. He gently pulled you towards him, placing a kiss on your forehead.

“Always. I’ll remind you every morning, I’ll make it part of my routine.” You chuckled and closed your eyes, taking a deep breath, realizing that no matter the imperfections, you had found someone who accepted you as you were, without judgment. You felt completely at peace with yourself.

“Come on. Let’s have breakfast.”

Megumi said, his voice still soft but firm, and he guided you to the table, ready to share a simple breakfast. And this morning, the pimples were nothing more than an insignificant detail compared to the love you had for each other.

Yuji I.

You take one last look in the mirror before leaving the bathroom, your gaze lost on the small stretch marks that mark your skin. For some time, they have been bothering you, but today, it is as if they are more visible than usual. You hate them, these marks. They remind you of times when you felt less beautiful, less up to par.

Suddenly, you hear a noise behind you. Yuji, in an awkward but kind gesture, enters the room, not really realizing your concentration on your reflection. He approaches, his arms wide open, ready to give you a hug.

“Hey babe, why don’t you come give me a hug instead of staring at this mirror?” he says, his voice warm and playful.

You hesitate for a moment, shame pricking you a little. You turn your body slightly, trying to hide your belly.

Yuji, always so attentive when it comes to you, notices your gesture. He approaches slowly, and with his bright smile, he places his hands on your hips.

“You know that you are perfect as you are, right?” He looks at you tenderly. “You are beautiful, you amaze me every moment. And these stretch marks, they represent you. They make you even more you. You are even more magnificent with them so don’t doubt yourself anymore. Okay?”

He pauses then smiles widely, adds: “Besides, I am convinced that if you leave them, they will end up becoming works of art. A bit like me with my scars after all these battles.”

You can’t help but smile when you hear his contagious laughter. Yuji has this talent of transforming awkward moments into bursts of laughter and sincere affection. He hugs you, and you feel the warmth of his support, this security that he offers you without even thinking.

“I love you as you are, with or without stretch marks. They don’t change the beauty I see in you.”

You let yourself go in his arms, your heart soothed, and for once, you no longer worry about your stretch marks. He has this power to make your doubts disappear and make everything so simple.

any opinion is appreciated! thanks for reading till the end 💗

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requests: OPEN.

© 2025 mrsh4rdy. All work belongs to @mrsh4rdy. Do NOT repost, modify, translate or plagiarize in any way on ANY platforms.

[meanbossart]

Sorry if you've already answered this question before, but how did DU Drow react when Astarion was finally free from Cazador? Did he try to comfort him, or maybe they celebrated it somehow or never talked about that? Or would the Drow like to strangle Kazador with his own hands instead?

If you mean the immediate aftermath, there isn't much, if anything, that sets it apart from how it goes in-game. I do understand why people wish there were more options in how to react during Astarion's big moment, maybe they have more reactive Tavs - but DU drow would absolutely just let something like that breathe. No words of comfort, no shows of affection- he stands back, he stays quiet, and when Astarion says he wants to go, they go. He's as eager to leave as he is and to put this behind the both of them.

Thing is, that at the end of the day, there is no amount of words that could adequately explain to DU drow what his partner went through. Like, sure, he holds nothing but contempt towards Cazador and understands that what Astarion went through was horrific, but he has to filter all of it through the much, much narrower understanding that he himself has of pain, hopelessness, and most of all, time.

For him, at least in that moment, what is done is done and the important thing is that it happen anymore. It's simple and it's not worth lingering on - his feelings about Astarion's situation become more complex later, but at that point Cazador is just yet another foe whom he met and felled within the same hour, and not his two-hundred-year-spamming tormentor.

The point is, there isn't really any emotional high here besides what we see during the cemetery scene (which in their case, doesn't even end in sex) and there certainly isn't any celebration, either.

That all being said, I still think its sweet. He might be doing it with a degree of aloofness, but DU drow is still choosing to give Astarion space instead of bombarding him with love and comfort right off the bat. He has a lot of moments like these, where despite being borderline overbearing at times he recognizes when he's ill-equipped to address something.

Now, moving a little ahead:

I really like that the game gives you these dialogue options here, and they were kind of formative in DU drow's characterization, especially in regards to their relationship. Discussing Cazador's crimes and the sacrifices Astarion has had to make for his own freedom is just sad. It's uncomfortable. It's quitter talk. On the other hand, immediately setting up a new goal-post, giving Astarion something to look forward to and that certainly he can provide, on the other hand, is so much easier.

PICTURED ABOVE: Sentences that go over DU drow's head faster than you can say "bootstrapper".

And speaking of formative and tone-deafness, here's another dialogue option that truly set in stone for me the type of turbulent emotional journey this character (and Astarion by extension) was about to go through from here on out.

I love that they put that here. That your character can be be tempted with a line that is, on the surface, so sweet, but with this underlying implication that you still think of Astarion as somehow lesser or incapable by default - like he hasn't been around for so much longer and been through so much more than yourself in almost every case.

...OR you just didn't express yourself well.

But in DU drow case, that is exactly what he means. that Astarion doesn't need all that power because he has him now. He wants to be his protector. He wants for Astarion to depend on him.

In his Bhaalist plotline, this devotion takes a very ugly and possessive form. In DU Drow 1.0 storyline, on the other hand, it is just... A perception that has to be slowly and painfully broken down - that Astarion doesn't need to be handled with children's gloves, or constantly protected and provided for - that he in fact doesn't need a partner to look after him, and how that doesn't immediately translate to not wanting companionship.

I can only hope ANE has a lot of moments that get this flip of dynamic across with all its caveats and addendums. After all, this is kind of a bed Astarion has made for himself.

BUT, that comes later. Right now Astarion just has to smile-and-nod while his beloved fresh-faced twunk says some truly goofy shit.

[cecoeur]

I should've taken more photos | Singapore 2024

[hongjoongspoetry]

So it's Thursday and I finally found time to read a lot of stuff on my to-read-list and I'm actually baffled how long I waited to read this gem of a fic 😭

First of all, I've always hated Snow, but it's amazing how you make me hate him even more lmaoo 😭 My heart goes out to this MC (all your MCs in the HG universe, lets be fr) but it also aches for Yunho 🤧 UGH I LOVE YOUR IDEAS FOR THE HG UNIVERSE, like I always expect the fic to be about the games, and not about life after winning - serving as puppets pulled by Snow.

The dynamic between Yunho and the MC already got me hooked right off the bat. Like I needed to know what all that bad blood was abou. I could literally feel their past through the screen, all the complicated emotions they had for each other. Yunho (per usual) was getting on my nerves too, if she said leave, then leave!... but it was evident later on he stayed because he knows the MC too much and he knew she needed someone there 😭🤧

The TV went silent with a sickeningly loud crack as the remote control flew into it, shattering it into pieces. My lungs were heaving for air as I sprung up from the sofa, a scream tearing through my throat as I stared at my reflection in the broken TV.

As sad as it sounds, I love the way you portrayed the MC's anger at the news of the Quartell games. The uncontrollable anger, her acting out and smashing things, putting everyone and even herself in harms way. She was literally spiralling out of control and she had every right to. Trust me when I say I was feeling so empty reading Yunho comforting her (EVEN THOUGH HE'S GOING THROUGH HIS OWN TURMOIL OH LAWD) and I didn't expect them to go full blown make out session, but im not complaining 👀 they are two lost souls who have no life left in them, just give them a break im begging.

I was scared, I was scared because all of a sudden I realized I had something to lose. I have always had something to lose, even when President Snow thought he had taken everything and everyone away from me, he forgot about one person. He forgot about Jeong Yunho.

OH SHIT, WELL THAT MAKES ME UNDERSTAND HER COLD SHOULDER TOWARDS YUNHO. OF COURSE IT WAS ALL SNOW GETTING UP IN PEOPLE'S BUSINESS AGAIN 😭

If there's something I love more than enemies to lovers, then it's enemies to lovers with a hint of jealousy 😈 I literally became joongrami the moment finnick showed up 🐿️

but thankfully, no matter how spoiled, my stylist, Wooyoung was, he’d never make me wear anything revealing or uncomfortable

AND I CHEERED!!!! (ugh now I need a stylist!san x stylist!woo fic-)

“Lover boy and his bestie are staring at us,” Finnick mused with amusement lacing his tone, “I don’t think your lover boy is too happy that you’re here with me, instead of being with him.” I scoffed, turning my head to look where Yunho and Mingi stood, catching their gazes as Mingi flinched and quickly looked down at the ground, but Yunho held my gaze, jaw clenched and eyes slightly narrowed. I rolled my eyes and turned my back to them, grabbing Finnick’s bicep as I leaned closer to him

As always, you're amazing at keeping the original HG characters true to their personalities in the real franchise, but also your own OCs, like Mingi still being jumpy.

“You’d kill yourself first before they’d even pronounce you as his wife.” Minghao’s reply came fast, cutting through the growing tension due to my blatant jar directed at Yunho.

Same, Minghao. Same.

Okay, but I absolutely LOVE that the MC fucked up the training room. Yes, honey, you show them they fucked with the wrong person. Im actually surprised not many other tributes had that idea before 😭 Like, personally speaking, I would not be able to keep my cool and show off like in a circus to get a few points

Man, im really starting to dislike her whole team, WHY ARE THEY GANGING UP ON HER GIVE MY GIRL A BREAK😭

Istg it wouldn't be a bvidzsoo fic if there weren't a few yungi elements in it 😭 IM NOT COMPLAINING THO, I love myself some yungi content

“You won’t tell me what to do, I’m not going to be in a team with you. Yet better, get out of my fucking way when that canon goes off because you will be the first person I’ll kill, Yunho.”

Damn... and to think they were smooching a few days ago-

I can't take it, I CANT WITNESS MY BABIES ARGUING UGH- 😭😭 SHE OBVIOUSLY REGRETS SAYING IT, BUT YUNHO ISNT MAKING IT BETTER BY FOLLOWING HER EITHER

“I know that, but no matter how hard I think about it, I just—” He gulped, averting his eyes, “I don’t know. I don’t know what I did wrong and I can’t—I just can’t have you pushing me away when we are so close, please, Y/N. I care for you just as much as I care for Mingi, we can’t separate in the Arena.”

Okay, maybe I do feel bad for yunho after all, the dejection 🤧 I feel so bad for them AND ITS ALL SNOWS FAULT, EVERYTHING IS HIS FAUTL GOD I HATE THAT MANFMANELK

I thought mingi was going to die for a moment and was ready TO LOG THE FAWK OUT, DONT SCARE ME LIKE THAT WOMAN!?!?! It makes it worse knowing he literally HAS SOMEONE WAITING FOR HIM AT HOME 🤧

Miscommunication is my favorite trope, so yunho being in on the whole "tricking the capitol" plan while the MC didn't know and thought he was planning to kill her WHILE HE WAS DOING THE OPPOSITE IS LIKE RUBBING SALT IN A WOUND- and although the MC is being a lil silly, I can't help but take her side on this whole thing. I mean did they think she was going to trust people that easily BY KEEPING HER IN THE DARK???? Lawd-

NAH FAM THEY BROUGHT OUT HOLOGRAMS OF HER DEAD FAMILY?? ?THATS EVIL OMG. AND AS IF THAT WASNT ENOUGH THEY ARE TRYING TO KILL HER???😭

“It’s not real.” The man holding me down whispered, his voice shaky as he gulped, “They weren’t real, Y/N. But I am real, I’m here now.”

Idk if you've watched Young Royals, but its giving this one scene where drunk Wilhelm confesses his love to Simon ❤️‍🩹

“He doesn’t know me, not the real me, at least. He only wants the good and pretty, he only sees those qualities in people. Once the perfect image is shattered, he’ll be gone, he’ll abandon me. I don’t want him to lodge himself into my heart when I know just how quickly you can lose someone.”

DUDE YOUVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME HE LITERALLY SAW YOU TRASH A TV, TRY TO KILL HIM WITH PORCELAIN DOLLS AND THEN MADE OUT WITH YOU???? ARE YOU FOR REAL

“What’s your problem with me?” I did not expect that question, and neither what he said next, “What’s so fucking horrible about me that you go willingly into the arms of the biggest playboy known to Panem, that you find solace and trust in that man when I’ve always been by your side, there for you, offering you a shoulder to lean on, a man you can trust and—and love. What does Finnick have that I don’t, Y/N?! Why do you continuously brush me off and treat me like shit, but then you laugh at anything Finnick says and you look at him with so much adoration, I-I just don’t understand, Y/N. I was there, I was always there, I helped you when you saw no outcome, I was there when you grieved your family, I was there when you struggled with the consequences of winning the Games, I was there even when you continued to push me away! I never stopped trying to make you feel safe, to comfort you and to—show you that it’s okay to open up and that you can love again without being scared of death. Why can’t you just—give back even just a little fraction of my affection?!”

Well damn :0

Yunho was intense in everything he did, he laughed with his whole body, and he loved with his whole heart, whenever he did something, he put his all into it and his kiss was no different. His lips were demanding as they moved against mine, a little bit frantic as we were pressed by time, and even more desperate when I let my lips part for him, a silent request for him to deepen the kiss. I wanted him to know that I desired him, that it was completely fine to touch me and enjoy our actions. Yunho whimpered as he took my bottom lip between his teeth, and I felt warmth crawl all over my body, settling in my cheeks as my whole face felt like it was burning up. I had never enjoyed a kiss before in my life, but I prayed this would never end.

YOU CANT FIND THIS TALENT IN POETRY BOOKS DEEP INSIDE LONG LOST LIBRARIES ALRIGHT LADIES AND GENTS???? I PRESENT TO YOU ARI, ONE OF THE BEST WRITERS OUT THERE OH MY-

“When we’re out of here,” Yunho gulped, determined as his eyes melted into mine, “I’m going to marry you.” “ Just don’t let me go,” I whispered as Yunho very reluctantly released me, our hands finding each other as our fingers intertwined, a motion I was used to but found something new in it now. It wasn’t just for show, it wasn’t just to show me that I had someone next to me, it was to seal our promise and tell me that Yunho wasn’t going anywhere.

A bitch is sobbing becuase they are giving finnick and Annie (minus all the dying y'know.'

The next time I was conscious again, however, what I heard despite the unbearable headache and the dull ache of my spine, didn’t sound at all good, nor reassuring, “Katniss, there is no District Twelve.” And all I could think about was, where is Yunho?

AND YOU CALL ME EVIL JJOONGRAMI, MATTER OF FACT YOURE EVIL BECUASE WHAT THE FAWK WAS THAT???? I LITERALLY SHOT MYSELF IN THE FOOT SAYING MINUS ALL THE DYING. MC LITERALLY ASKED HIM NOT TO LET HER GO AND HE FUCKING DISAPPEARS EWRFJEWKENFK. YUNHO BETTER NOT BE DEAD OMG-

...I literally had to take a few minutes to collect myself... also I had to write about something else not to think about a potential dead yunho 😭🤧

ANYWAYS can we take a moment to appreciate your writing??? Miss Ari, you're making me FEEL their emotions, their pain, their longing and mourning even though no one is really dead. It's amazing, it's talent, you're a star my friend. Most of all, I love that Yunho despite everything is still taking care of the MC. He looks out for her both in and outside the arena, and knows that her hatred is just an act to protect them all from Snow

Thousand Miles, just to get you back

 𖥧 District 7 ꒷ this beautiful district is lush with trees, from which these citizens supply our lumber and paper, victors: Blight, Johanna Mason

Author: bvidzsoo

Pairing: victor!Jeong Yunho x victor!female reader

 𖥧 Warning: suggestive, sexual tension, cursing, ptsd, violence, blood, gore, use of weapons, murder, decapitation but not too graphic, mental manipulation and trauma, alluding to forced sex work and sexual assault, if I missed any, lmk!  𖥧 Word count: 28.7k  𖥧 Rating: mature, nc-17  𖥧 Genre: Hunger Games!au, rivals to lovers!au, set during the Quarter Quell, Catching Fire book  𖥧 Summary: You didn't want this, but then again, you were sure nobody wanted to face the repercussions of being a victor. You hated your life and you hated everyone around you, never trusting a soul again. Whatever President Snow has put you through after your Games was unforgivable and your only solace lay in Finnick Odair, who understood you and your pain. But it didn't end there, no, it never would with Jeong Yunho, another victor, always breathing down your neck and hogging you as if his life depended on it. You didn't like him and you didn't trust him after what he'd done to you despite being your mentor in your Games. And when the 75th Hunger Games come around and President Snow announces that the tributes this year will be the reaped victors, your world comes crashing down, forcing you to do things you never thought you'd do again. But if it meant Panem would be free, you'd do it again.

A/N: Hello, my lovelies! This part took longer but the word count is also...higher. The story is set during the Catching Fire book, but of course, I took creative liberty and changed up some things, I hope you'll enjoy them! I apologize if the action packed scenes are lackluster, I really tried my best while not making it too graphic. I think Yunho's part is my favourite from my HG series, although Mingi's has a special place in my heart. President Snow can die in a ditch for what he did to Katniss and Peeta, no matter how much I like his character, I'll always hate him! This part is really angsty imo so buckle up, you'll be going through it with our MC. I don't think I have anything else to say other than I hope you enjoy and that I love hearing your feedback, so don't be shy! <3 Thank you for reading! divider

            For the past two days, the sky had been covered in dark rainclouds, lightning flashing across the sky every few minutes, the thunder shaking the earth as I stood perched on the windowsill with a cup of warm chamomile tea with plenty of honey in it to make anyone nauseous, even those who enjoyed sweet things. My eyes followed the raindrops as they rapidly slid down against the window, forehead pressing against the cool surface as I could see the reflection of my eyes in it. The house was quiet, so quiet that those who didn’t know would’ve thought the mansion was vacant. Because the victors' houses could easily pass as mansions, bigger than even the mayor's house, it was quiet and cold inside too, the harsh rain welcomed as it cooled the relentless summer heat with which everyone seemed to be struggling. It was truly a blessing to be forced to stay inside my house, with no one to bother me for days on end as nobody from the district was brave enough to venture out in such a harsh downpour. Not that I had anyone in the district who cared for me, I was on my own.

Everyone I once loved was gone. It was solely my fault. I had naively refused President Snow’s little bargain when I looked him in the eyes with an arrogant look and told him to ‘get fucked’. My family, gone for almost five years now, were dead before the train could even take me back to District 7 from the Capitol. Our house, small but spacious enough to house my parents, my two siblings and me, was empty when the train had dropped me off. At first, when no one from my family awaited me on the platform, I had a feeling they might’ve been planning a surprise for me, I wouldn’t put it past them. But when I returned to an empty and cold house with a single note lying on the kitchen table, I knew. It was my fault that all of my loved ones were six feet under, their lives taken away by my foolishness. I would never stop blaming myself, I didn’t want to stop blaming myself. The constant numbness that was wrapped around my heart was a harsh wake-up call to the horrors of the world I was forced to live in.

The Hunger Games had seemed like a nightmare, they were a nightmare, but what came after was the real nightmare. The terror, the pain, the uncertainty and the coldness that followed after having returned home, forced me to face the reality that I was no more than a pawn President Snow could play with however he wished, it hurt. I had been an independent person my whole life. I didn’t need anyone and I knew I would survive on my own if the circumstances forced me to, hence the reason I remained confident that I would return alive from the Games, and the arrogance to put my ego aside and keep my family safe, at last, weren’t worth it. If sleeping with countless men was what would’ve kept my family alive, if only I had known this back when Snow proposed it to me, I would’ve accepted it. I would’ve ignored the disgust I felt and done it without trying to rebel against the only man who could cut off my wings. And he did, he did cut off my wings, right from the root, ripping them out without mercy. At last, my family’s death was in vain. They were gone and I still bedded a different man each night spent at the Capitol, each one of them sent by Snow as a constant punishment to remind me that just because my loved ones weren’t here anymore to be held over my head, he could still do it, Snow could still torture me.

And so, turning my back on everyone and living in solace had been completely my choice. I didn’t want to speak to anyone, I didn’t want to see anyone, I didn’t want to be touched by anyone. I was disgusted by my own body and could never look at myself for too long. Whether my hair was long or as short as a boy's, men would still want me. Whether I ruined my face with makeup or kept it neat, they would still ravish me. In the end, nothing I did mattered. Beauty was pain sometimes, but I was too scared to maim myself, to ruin the pretty face every man in the Capitol lusted after. Snow knew too that I couldn’t do, and he enjoyed my silent pain mixed with rage, grinning at me whenever we crossed paths, taunting me with words against which I couldn’t fight back. It would be a never-ending cycle until my last day on earth and I had accepted it, numbing myself to all emotion to the point that I was just a soulless walking body, uncaring, unfeeling.

My body jolted from its slouched-over form as rapid knocks disturbed my peace, becoming louder and louder the longer I ignored them. The rain was pouring harder, lightning more frequent across the sky as thunder shook the ground, making me flinch when instead of knocking, my doorbell was being rung relentlessly. I knew who it was, I knew because today was a big day. President Snow would make his annual announcement about the Hunger Games, the same old speech, the same old rules. But something felt different, ever since Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark became victors, there were whispers in the districts, feeble words of a different future which felt closer and closer to us. Something was changing and I, as usual, wasn’t included in the grand scheme. I was a mere spectator, twirling around Snow’s fingers however he wished me to. When the doorbell’s rings turned into aggressive bangs against the front door, I released an irritated sigh and stood from my spot, storming towards the one that dared disturb my solace.

“What!” I snapped as I yanked the door open, not surprised that I had forgotten to lock it once again. Of course it was him, it was always him. I hated his face, I hated his voice, I hated his presence. I hated his whole being, and so I didn’t wait for an answer as I went to slam the door in his face, but he was fast, arm already pushing against the door as if he could read my mind.

“The muffins will get soaked, just let me in.” His boyish voice was loud as he spoke over the raging storm, his voice deep but somehow still soft. It was annoying, the ease he carried himself with, the constant serene expression on his face was infuriating. He never looked like he struggled and I was sure he just simply didn’t. He just floated through life, taking whatever it threw his way, just to laugh it off at the end of the day and start over the next one. I hated him.

“Get lost.” I hissed and pressed my full body against the door, wrestling against the desperate man on the other side of the door.

“Are you for real right now?!” He exclaimed, voice incredulous as I let one eye peek over the edge of the door, taking in his form. His hair was damp and his cardigan was slightly soaked by the rain, but as long as he stood in front of my door, he’d be protected by the balcony above his head.

“Yes!” I exclaimed and suddenly yanked the door towards myself, hoping it would throw him off balance and I could shut it in his face, but he was smarter, and thus, he swiftly slipped inside, grinning at me victoriously. I scowled as I slammed the door closed behind him, pressing myself up against the sturdy wood as he uncaringly shook his hair, like a dog, and then stepped out of his shoes.

“I made blueberry muffins,” He beamed as he held up the tray covered by a napkin, which was halfway soaked through, “Your favourite!”

He was right, blueberry muffins were my favourite, but they were from him and I’d rather not eat them.

“I don’t want them.” But by the time I was finished talking, he was headed for the kitchen as if this were his house. Albeit, the layout for the victor houses was the same, but this wasn’t his house and he shouldn’t just walk around as if he owned it. I hated it when he disregarded me, remaining his authentic self of a joy ball, pretending like he didn’t see my sharp glare nor hear my muttered insults. And I hated him, eyes glued onto his tall body as I followed after him to the kitchen. He was tall enough that he could see well the contents of the cupboards on the top shelves as he opened them, looking for a smaller plate. I could’ve told him where they were, but I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to talk to him unless it was a complete must. He made a sound when he finally found the right cabinet, back muscles straining even through the cardigan he wore as he moved around my kitchen as he belonged in it. His build was massive, not too muscular but certainly not as lean as it used to be, and he towered over most men of our district. People were tall here, we had to climb trees, yielding an axe as we worked with lumber, but Jeong Yunho seemed to exceed what was the norm. And despite his intimidating build, his face was gentle and soft, eyes twinkling with life in them and pink lips pulled constantly into a radiant smile. His cheeks were almost always rosy, not because he blushed easily, but because he was fair-skinned and even the smallest bruise would be visible on his body.

“But I baked them for you—”

“That’s exactly why I don’t want them.”

Yunho and I had been a mentor pair for a good five years now, sent off to the Capitol during the Hunger Games, forced to watch two children die each year. Children that we knew, that we swore to train and protect as best as we could, children that ultimately were just children and would die at the hands of bigger and stronger children. Because that’s what the Games were, a sick and twisted way of punishing the districts for daring to disobey the Capitol, for trying to overthrow it due to the mistreatment they constantly faced. So, they took children between the ages of thirteen and eighteen and sent them off to their deaths each year, except for the ones like Yunho and myself, who returned as victors. Yunho was barely two years older than me but the passing of time seemed to miss him each year as his face remained youthful, and only morphed into more handsome features, unlike myself, who struggled with bags under my eyes on the daily and did everything to look less pale but ultimately, I failed, looking older than my age or Yunho. It was unfair, even in this, he was better than me.

Yunho paused as his eyes met mine and he gulped, a flicker of uncertainty flashing through his features, only to be replaced by that annoying soft smile which was always present on his face, “My mother would be really disappointed if you refused them, Y/N. She helped too.”

His mother, Yunho’s family, were still alive. His older brother worked hard despite them being rich now due to Yunho’s income as a victor, and his father had retired to pursue a much simpler career. He liked fixing cars, so, now those used by the woodsmen were all brought to Mr. Jeong for fixing or maintenance. Occasionally, I even saw Peacemakers stop by, keen on keeping it hushed that they asked a simple mechanic from the district to fix their vehicles. It was cheaper this way, Mr. Jeong didn’t charge much, it was just a hobby, after all.

“Fine,” I huffed, crossing my arms over my chest as Yunho’s smile widened into a pleased grin, “Just leave them on the counter.”

He nodded and placed the blueberry muffins on the small plate before he threw the crumbs into the trash, rinsing the tray at the sink. I remained standing, keeping the table and even counter between us, never keen on standing close to Yunho. His scent was too strong, it irked my nose, and it made me sneeze too easily. Perhaps I was allergic to his cologne—to his whole being, perhaps. Once he was done, the tray left by the sink to dry, his eyes slowly shifted, landing on my tense face. I wasn’t happy to have him over, he knew it. Yunho knew I didn’t like him, yet he never stopped imposing on my peace of mind—it was truly disgruntling.

“You weren’t going to watch it, right?” His voice was quiet. Unfortunately, Yunho also knew me too well, much to my displeasure. I stopped watching the announcements three years ago, tired of hearing the same thing over and over again. I didn’t answer as I averted my eyes, jaw clenching at the warm ambers that swum in Yunho’s eyes that had the colour of warm chocolate, “I—I think you should, this year. I’ll stay, it starts in five minutes—”

“I don’t want you to stay.” I said, voice cold as my eyebrows furrowed, looking back at Yunho, “And I won’t watch it, Yunho.”

He gulped, but suddenly his happy demeanour dropped as he placed his hands on the counter, “You know the districts had been stirred with Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark’s win, I think we should watch it this year, together.”

“Just go, Yunho, before the nightfall.” Due to the big storms, electricity would be cut off at twilight and people weren’t allowed to leave their homes. The forest was eerily quiet, with the absence of the lumberjacks, the wolves became too brave, too daring, and they would venture past the District’s boundaries and inside the town, devouring whoever they came across. The Victor’s Village of District 7 was right by the forest, it wasn’t smart to go outside at night. But, in all true Yunho fashion, he shook his head with pursed lips.

“Snow’s speech barely lasts three minutes, maybe he’ll make it five now that he’s mad at Katniss Everdeen.” Then he grabbed a muffin and grinned, “I’ll have one if you don’t mind.”

My jaw clenched when he turned on his heels and headed for the living room, the anthem loudly flooding my otherwise quiet house as I heard the sofa creak, Yunho’s big body settling on it. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, telling myself that he would be gone before I could blink. Even if the wolves ate him, I wouldn’t let him stay the night, not tonight, not ever. Jeong Yunho wasn’t someone I could trust, his faux kindness and softness were all but a mask which hid his true intentions. I had seen beyond the cracks of his good manners and big heart, and I knew he wasn’t all that different from those from the Capitol. All those years ago, almost six now, he had been my mentor, the only person who was supposed to help me and protect me from the outside as much as he could while I fought for my life in the Games, instead, Jeong Yunho, everyone’s favourite golden boy, went ahead and turned on me.

My legs carried me over to the living room before I could register what I was doing, body tense despite knowing the same old shenanigans would happen this year too. Except that this year a Quarter Quell was happening, this year it was the 75th year of the Hunger Games, and that meant something unusual would happen. It was the third Quarter Quell and the last I’d heard of was horrible, the number of tributes had been doubled, meaning forty-eight children fought for survival and it was Haymitch Abernathy who became the victor, the now drunkard mentor from District 12. Katniss Everdeen was a smart girl, I watched her closely while she fought in that arena, but Haymitch also did his best when he realized the potential she had. Something Yunho never bothered doing for me while he was my mentor, it still left a bitter aftertaste in my mouth. Caesar Flickerman went on about the wedding of Katniss and Peeta before he announced that President Snow would take the lead now.

The sofa creaked under my weight too as I settled as far away from Yunho as possible, his chewing quiet as he cast me a quick glance, a small smile playing at his lips. I ignored him, my body shivering when President Snow’s face was the only thing I could see on the TV. Even after all these years, he still made me feel repulsed whenever I saw him, muscles tensing and my body wanting to coil up in a ball as if that could protect me from his cruelty.

“And now we honour our third Quarter Quell,” President Snow’s tone was determined, confident, and almost coy as a boy stepped forward, holding a box which President Snow opened. He reached inside it, moving envelopes around until his fingers gripped the one with a clear 75 on it. I gulped, feeling irrationally nervous all of a sudden as if I would be reaped next, as if I was back in time standing in the crowd of girls, awaiting the name of the female tribute who’d have to head to the Capitol this year. Yunho could never sit still for too long, always fidgeting or fussing around, but now, even his body was frozen, eyebrows furrowed as I stole a glance at him. He had finished eating the muffin and the little foil it had been in was now crumpled into his fist, “On the seventy-fifth anniversary, as a reminder to the rebels that even the strongest among them cannot overcome the power of the Capitol, the male and female tributes will be reaped from their existing pool of victors.”

The lights of the TV became a blur as I remained seated, staring ahead, ears ringing as President Snow’s words echoed in my mind. For a split second, the world stopped turning, my lungs failed to inhale the much-needed oxygen. And for another split second, I felt my body tremble, my mouth falling open as Caesar Flickerman’s shrieks of surprise and excitement echoed through the eerily silent house, Yunho’s body unmoving on the other end of the sofa. I couldn’t hear his otherwise loud breaths, I couldn’t even feel my own body. And when reality dawned more upon me, the very high chance that I was going back inside that wrenched Arena almost six years later, nothing else really mattered. The TV went silent with a sickeningly loud crack as the remote control flew into it, shattering it into pieces. My lungs were heaving for air as I sprung up from the sofa, a scream tearing through my throat as I stared at my reflection in the broken TV. I looked mad, my eyes were wide, my cheeks red, my body visibly shaking as my thoughts were clouded with suppressed memories, all the pain, suffering, mourning, the great feeling of loss of sanity, of control over myself.

I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t go back inside that Arena.

And before I could rationalize my thoughts, control my urges and blink away the red haze that’s settled over my vision, my fingers were gripping a heavy ornament from the side table, swinging it across the room as it crashed loudly against the display window of the massive cupboard on the other side of the room. It felt satisfying to hear something break, something of material that reflected my inner world perfectly, and made the fall less painful as my legs carried me over the bookcase, yanking off every book I could grab. My body wanted to destroy, desperate to release all the turmoil that clouded my senses, the trauma that bit and licked at my flesh almost mockingly, President Snow’s snake-like eyes burned in the back of my mind, always taunting, always elated as he watched others suffer.

My hand burned when I touched the sharp edge of the vase I had broken solely with my grip, but I couldn’t stop. The pain I felt muted the screams that threatened to tear past my throat, the tears that stung my eyes but never rolled down, and the hollowness inside my chest that only seemed to grow bigger, swallowing more and more of my being. I had no one to lose anymore, just myself. But I hadn’t been myself since I had won the Games, so was I really losing someone? I had no one to return to even if I won, President Snow has made sure of that a long time ago. There weren’t many victors in District 7, not that I was on good terms with anyone. I’d either return without the male tribute or neither one of us would. My lungs burned as I gripped another ornament off the bookshelf, less heavy but very breakable as I raised my arm high, freezing at the nimble call of my name.

My chest was rising and falling rapidly as if I had run a marathon, muscles tensing more when I remembered I wasn’t alone. No, someone was here with me, in the living room, someone who knew what it meant to go back into the Arena, someone whose cheeks were tear-streaked. I gulped, eyebrows furrowing as I looked at Yunho, fingers curling tighter around the porcelain doll. It had been my younger sister’s, was I truly going to break it?

“Y/N.” Yunho’s tone was low, harsh, and shaking. I gulped, my breaths ragged as they puffed through my nose loudly, and my jaw clenched when Yunho’s face contorted in pain, reflecting what I felt on the inside. But he couldn’t stop me, my bones shook with rage and fear and before I could think more about it, I threw the porcelain doll at Yunho, who easily caught it as if he had been anticipating it. It only angered me more as I grabbed another one, my younger sister used to have a collection, and flung it at Yunho again.

“Get out!” I screamed at the top of my lungs, throwing a third porcelain doll he caught again easily, my voice raw as I wanted to sob, but my throat felt tight, unable to release any shrill sounds. When Yunho failed to move from his spot, I screamed again and pushed everything off the coffee table with one strong shove, ready to flip the heavy table over.

“Stop, Y/N, just stop.” Yunho’s voice had lost its softness, it sounded panicked and pained at the same time, begging me as I refused to acknowledge him. No, he couldn’t stop me, nobody could. I wasn’t going back there, I wasn’t going to fight for my life again, he couldn’t make me—President Snow couldn’t send me back there, not again. Not after I lost everything in vain, I didn’t want to do it again, I didn’t want to relive the terror, the struggle, and I didn’t want to feel so alone when I returned, I was scared of facing the dark on my own again. I had barely learned how to cope with the night terrors on my own, with the numbness that chilled my limbs, with the desperate yearning for connections, for a gentle touch, for words that warmed my heart, I barely learned how to live without those. I couldn’t do it again, I couldn’t—I gasped when I felt strong arms wrap around my torso, immobilising my hands and body as the embrace was tight, “No! Let me go, Yunho, no!”

I pushed, I yanked, I even bit his shoulder until he was groaning, but he didn’t budge. He was sniffing, loudly and unashamedly, but his embrace only became stronger and tighter, more and more suffocating. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t think straight as his musky scent entered my nostrils, wrapping around me like a cocoon, his big body like a shield from the cruel world. My skin burned where he touched, and my limbs trembled as I tried to put space between our bodies again, but Yunho wasn’t letting go anytime soon.

“I’m here,” He muttered and I felt him raise his arm, freeing my left side, as his hand held the back of my head, pressing my face further into his neck. His skin was hot, but it was soft and it’s been too long since I came in contact with any other person, it made my knees weak as my mouth parted to hurl more insults at him, but I wasn’t able to voice them, “I’m here, Y/N, we’re in this together. I won’t let anything happen to you, we’ll get through this. Together. Like we always do.”

“No, no, no.” I muttered as my fingers twisted into his knitted cardigan, my heart racing in my chest painfully, “Leave, Yunho, just go.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” He snapped, but his arms weren’t holding me so tightly anymore. His long fingers felt cold against my scalp as they tangled against my long locks, slowly running them through my ginger hair, resting his chin against the top of my head. I loathed this, the warmth of his body, the willingness to offer me comfort, I hated him.

“I hate you, get away from me.” Yet despite my mouth speaking one thing, my body screamed another as my arms swiftly circled his torso, yanking Yunho’s body into mine. I wasn’t fighting my lungs for air anymore, I was able to breathe regularly once again, but everything felt so cold still, so numb. It wasn’t enough, Yunho’s big body pressing against mine so firmly, so eagerly as a reminder that he was here wasn’t enough anymore, and I felt weak when a whimper left my mouth, my head turning until I could hide it in the crook of his neck, nose pressing where his shoulder and neck met. His cologne was familiar, it was something I knew too well, it helped my mind relax as I felt Yunho shift his head away, warm lips pressing against the top of my head once, then twice, and then once again. His other hand dropped lower until his large palm pressed against the small of my back, and I shuddered when I felt his cold fingers slip underneath my blouse, skin on skin.

It was hard to think straight when Yunho was all over me, when his fingers explored and his mouth quivered with quiet sighs, his presence overbearing and insistent. It chased away the ever-present cold that settled into my bones, replacing it with a small flicker of something that made me hate myself. I couldn’t trust him, not after he so unashamedly tried to kill me, yet he was the only one who knew me. Yunho was the only person in this whole world who saw the real me, who saw past my coldness and walls I built to protect myself, he was the only one willing to stick around despite how off-putting I was. And it hurt, it burned, it consumed my thoughts in the dead of the night when a night terror awoke me, when all I could do was yearn for a body to hold, for soft words to be whispered into my ears, for lips that healed instead of ruined, for a touch that put me back together instead of breaking me further apart. And I wanted to take and take, to consume until nothing was left of him, until he couldn’t offer me anything more of himself because I had already taken all.

I felt tears streaming down my face when Yunho’s fingers gently traced my spine, driving my fingers to grip his cardigan harder, muscles cramping, but too afraid to let go. His hot breath fanned over my cheek as he lowered his head and I felt his insistent chocolate brown eyes on me, neither full of pity or regret, just understanding and yearning. Much without thinking, but because I didn’t want him to see me at my weakest, I turned my head further into his neck until my lips brushed against his flushed skin, making him shudder. And because my lips yearned just as much as the rest of my body, I let them explore his soft skin, gently pressing them against Yunho’s neck as he gasped quietly. His fingers tangled into my hair when I raised my head slightly, placing another kiss higher on his neck, and he was still gentle, he didn’t yank on the long strands despite being able to. My breath fanned against his hot skin as I let my mouth open, peppering his skin with gentle kisses until I reached his jaw, teeth nipping at the sharp bone. Yunho’s body was trembling and his head was angled lower, his breaths audible as he breathed through his nose.

The familiarity of his embrace was dizzying, the churning of my stomach nothing new as I detached myself from his warm soft skin, pulling my head back until I could stare into his eyes. They were darker, pupils bigger, and his lips looked slightly swollen like he had been biting the bottom one. Yunho’s full cheeks were flushed and his Adam’s Apple bobbed when he gulped, his eyes searching my face as his fingers untangled from my hair and instead gently traced my jaw, holding onto my chin as he tilted my head further up. My eyes fluttered for a second when our lips were angled perfectly against each other, Yunho’s breath fanning over my mouth making me shudder. Releasing my tight hold on his cardigan, I cupped his cheeks, almost keening as I pressed up on my tiptoes, my eyebrows furrowing as our noses pressed together, slowly nuzzling against each other. Yunho gulped again as his lips parted for his tongue to poke out, wetting the red flesh, and I blinked, dread settling deep in my stomach.

When Yunho leaned forward, pressing a slow kiss against my forehead, my body froze, my heart suddenly hammering against my ribcage. Something was wrong, the numbness was back, the pain, the terror. I couldn’t breathe anymore, Yunho’s musky cologne irking my nose as I could feel an oncoming sneeze, and I gasped when his lips tenderly kissed down the slope of my nose, making my fingers dig into his cheeks painfully. I was scared, I was scared because all of a sudden I realized I had something to lose. I have always had something to lose, even when President Snow thought he had taken everything and everyone away from me, he forgot about one person.

He forgot about Jeong Yunho.

As if his touch burned, I pushed him away, watching as confusion and hurt flashed in Yunho’s eyes upon my rude rejection. I could feel myself trembling, Yunho’s addicting warmth disappearing with him, making me shake my head as I felt my bottom lip tremble, “Get out.”

My voice was hoarse and filled with pain, and Yunho’s eyebrows furrowed as thunder cracked loudly in the distance, making me jump. It had become darker outside, way too dark for anyone to step out, but Yunho’s house was the one opposite mine. The wolves couldn’t have him, even if they wanted to. With a lasting stare, his eyes searching my face for a hint of whatever he had seen just seconds ago, Yunho sighed deeply, hanging his head low.

“Try to rest, please.” He muttered before he turned on his heels, and marched out of the living room, the door slamming shut louder than any thunder that’s ever shaken the house's foundation. Coated in darkness and loneliness, nobody witness of the sobs that wracked my body, I crumbled to the floor, curling in on myself as tears blinded me, making my muscles hurt as I gasped for air.

Everyone would suffer again, innocent and rebels alike.

            The floodlights of the open-air stadium were blinding and the air was relatively warmer compared to the constant rainy mood back in District 7. There was a breeze in the air, a whisper of unease and death brushing against our ears as every tribute seemed tense, but tried to hide it with wide and pleased smiles. Neither one of us was happy to be back and we would try to do something to change it, not that President Snow cared. The cheers of the crowd were deafening as the two horses pulling our chariot neighed loudly, ruffling their manes. My left hand was clutching the railing tightly for balance and to root me into the present moment, my right hand clammy against another warm palm. Yunho’s fingers were long and bony, his palm big and calloused, and somehow always cold. My skin crawled when our fingers had intertwined, a flicker of yearning awakening in my chest, but I was quick to drown it in the permeating numbness. I couldn’t feel anything for anyone, not now—especially not now.

The crowd only seemed to roar louder, probably enjoying the show, when all victors joined hands with their respective tribute partners. To us, to the ones who would have to risk their lives again, it wasn’t just a show, it was a last attempt to show that we stood here, together, unwilling to become jesters for the Capitol. But they wouldn’t understand, they never did. The districts, however, could see us and they would understand that we were united even if President Snow tried to tear us apart. We wouldn’t give up, not today and not tomorrow, never again. His tyranny had run on for too long, and his fragile reign was now threatened by the presence of the Mockingjay. The whispers of a riot in the districts had only gotten louder, more persistent, not just simple rumour anymore. The Peacekeepers had been more on edge ever since the 74th Hunger Games, under close surveillance by their comrades at the Capitol.

The chariot was finally taking us back beneath the stadium, away from the eyes of the Capitol and the cameras. My heart was racing against my chest, my veins filled with adrenaline, but dread as well, as every tribute returned backstage, our chariots coming to slow stops as Avoxes came forward to tend to the horses. My grip had been so tight against the railing that my fingers ached when I finally let go, all too aware of Yunho’s firm grip on my hand. With my jaw clenched, I turned my head to look at him, surprised to find him with an impassive expression on his face, lips downturned, and his eyes shaking. Yunho was always smiling, no matter the circumstances. I gulped and flexed my fingers, trying to pry them away, but Yunho didn’t want to release his own grip yet. It made me huff as I turned my body to face him, feeling anger lick at my skin.

“Let go.” I hissed lowly, mindful of the people around us who could overhear us. Nobody could know that I’d rather gut Yunho than be on his side, to everyone around us, we seemed like the perfect mentor pair, him being a sunshine and me the broody one. Nobody knew that behind cameras I would ignore Yunho’s existence, turn down his attempts at a conversation, and lock myself in my room whenever he’d come looking for me with another far-fetched excuse just to speak to me.

When he still hadn’t made a move, fed up, I yanked my hand out of his and leaned close enough for my breath to hit his cheek, my eyebrows deeply furrowed, “Get your shit together, Yunho. And stay away, everything is for show. I hope you haven’t forgotten—”

“How could I?” His chuckle was sarcastic, jaw clenched when he faced me, and for a second I froze, my eyes widening. It wasn’t even the sudden proximity that threw me off, it was the animosity on his face and the small snare on his lips, “You remind me each year of the same old things, you sound like President Snow at times.”

Appalled that he’d compare me to that man, I huffed and gripped the skirt of my dress, lifting it above my ankles as I stepped off the chariot, storming off. I was headed for the elevator so that I could return to our flat, and in my angry strut, I failed to notice a familiar face race after me. My heels were loud as I walked with purpose, glaring at anyone who blocked my path, and I didn’t greet back anyone as I knew they’d want to speak to me. I wasn’t here to mingle, I was here because Snow forced us to play another one of his games, and I was here to win. Before I could be-line it for the open elevator doors, fingers wrapped around my bicep and halted me, making me release a frustrated sigh as I whirled around intending to tell the person off, only for the words to freeze in my throat. The man holding me back wasn’t just anyone, it was Finnick Odair. And for the first time in a while, I felt my body fill with joy as my face relaxed, lips spreading into a wide smile, “Finnick!”

He chuckled as my arms flew around his neck, pulling his body into mine with little care if it was too aggressive or not, Finnick could take it. His torso was exposed due to his stylist’s poor taste, but it didn’t bother me as Finnick was warm and smelled of the sea and somehow the rain too. He felt like family, in his arms I knew I was safe, no matter what. It was funny, really, how easy it was to trust him, to let my walls down around him and just feel everything. I didn’t have to hide my fears when it came to Finnick, I didn’t have to hide my pain and struggles, because he knew. Finnick knew everything and he was often there to pick up the pieces when nobody else was. He understood and he knew what I needed because he needed the same thing. When in the Capitol, forced to be Snow’s muppets, Finnick was my pillar and I was his, the glimmer of light in the darkness, the embrace of a warm body that demanded nothing in exchange, just simple companionship and a shoulder to cry on.

“I thought I’d get a punch for touching you,” Finnick’s honey-like voice was teasing as he hugged me back just as affectionately, “I’m glad I was spared of a right hook, I’d look horrible for our interviews.”

I chuckled, mouth hurting from smiling so widely, “Even with a black, you’d still look dashing, Finnick.”

“Oh, my,” Finnick chuckled again, his arms loosening around my torso, but I was reluctant to let go. It felt nice to be in the arms of someone I trusted, loved even. It’s been too long since my mind could be at ease in anyone’s presence, in someone’s warm and loving hold. Finnick was like the older brother I had lost, always eager to help me out, and there whenever the burden of living alone got too hard. Living in different districts, the distance made it hard to cope with his absence at times, but at least I had one thing to look forward to whenever I was forced to visit the Capitol. I knew Finnick would be here, and I knew he would be just as excited to see me, “I fear my stylist wants to keep me naked for the interviews.”

I grimaced as I definitely didn’t want the mental image of a naked Finnick in my head, and finally let my arms fall from his body, stepping back to leave distance between our bodies, but not too far back. I enjoyed Finnick’s warmth, it felt like I was around the sun, “You should switch him with someone who doesn’t view you as just a pretty piece of meat to put on display. Wooyoung would be more than happy to design your clothes, he’s literally in love with you. He never stops gushing about your looks and body proportions whenever he sees you, it’s gotten sickening actually.”

“Wooyoung is spoiled and Snow loves objectifying me, so he’d never allow it.” Snow loved objectifying Finnick and me too, but thankfully, no matter how spoiled, my stylist, Wooyoung was, he’d never make me wear anything revealing or uncomfortable. He enjoyed working with raw materials, more specifically with tree bark as he claimed it let him explore creative ideas. With the disappearance of Choi San last year, the most sought-after stylist in the Capitol, Jung Wooyoung was the next hot topic. He certainly enjoyed the limelight, glad that San was finally gone and he could have his spot. The two had always been rivals, trying to claim The Best Stylist title, at least based on Wooyoung’s claims. You couldn’t fully believe whatever he said, he loved to spice things up just for the fun of it and spread rumours like wildfire. He was worse than the grannies back in District 7.

“Snow can go and die in his sorry excuse of a mansion, Finnick, at this point, he can’t do shit to me.” I hissed through my teeth, sharp eyes surveying the place as it was buzzing with jittery tributes, stylists and Avoxes, everyone doing their own thing. Most tributes were mingling before they would retreat to their own flats, and I averted my eyes out of fear that he’d come over when I saw Wooyoung storming towards Yunho, probably, you never knew with his sudden mood changes.

“Careful,” Finnick muttered, lips pulled into a sly grin, “the walls have ears everywhere here, darling, we can’t give Snow free material to hang over our heads.”

“As if he can’t just do that without having an actual reason.” I rolled my eyes and Finnick hummed as he grabbed a sugar cube out of the little pouch he had on his waist, turning around as he searched for his and Mags’ chariot. He smiled when his eyes fell on the old lady, and he nodded with his head for me to follow him. I fell in step with him as Finnick and I walked back to his chariot, and he fed the horses with sugar cubes before he popped one in his mouth. I smiled softly when Mags finally noticed me, her face always gentle and understanding. I bowed my head and kissed her on the cheeks, a lump forming in my throat when she pulled me in her arms with a tight squeeze, reminding me of a motherly hug. Anytime I saw Mags, I’d miss my family just a little bit more. She was a reminder that I’d never get to see my mother grow old, my father, nor my siblings. It was painful, but I gulped before more emotions could surface and cleared my throat, looking back at Finnick who was gazing somewhere behind me.

“Lover boy and his bestie are staring at us,” Finnick mused with amusement lacing his tone, “I don’t think your lover boy is too happy that you’re here with me, instead of being with him.”

I scoffed, turning my head to look where Yunho and Mingi stood, catching their gazes as Mingi flinched and quickly looked down at the ground, but Yunho held my gaze, jaw clenched and eyes slightly narrowed. I rolled my eyes and turned my back to them, grabbing Finnick’s bicep as I leaned closer to him, “I wish we could switch tributes—no offence Mags, but I don’t think I’ll be able to not kill him before the Games can even start.”

Mags snickered and shook her head at me as her stylist approached us, giving the old lady an exasperated look before she guided Mags away, making Finnick wave at her as I bowed my head slightly, “He can’t be that bad, honestly, I never understood why you hate him so much. He’s a genuinely nice guy, I bet he’d even sacrifice himself for you—”

“Enough, Finnick.” I snapped as my jaw clenched, emotions twisting in my chest at the mere prospect of Yunho jumping in front of me to take an arrow or a throwing knife to the heart. Yunho might’ve been genuine and loving in other’s eyes, but I knew who he was. He wouldn’t save me, jump in front of an arrow or a throwing knife, no, he’d send me poison disguised as bread just to take me out, his own tribute.

“Right, sorry,” Finnick mumbled as he grabbed another sugar cube, eyes falling on someone to my left. His smile turned into a sly one as he nudged my arm, pointing towards a tall girl with dark braided hair and a gorgeous black costume. She was the girl on fire, the Mockingjay, Katniss Everdeen, “Wanna go say hi? We should show her we mean no harm before she decides we are her enemy.”

“But we are her enemy, Finnick,” I mumbled but followed the man, making him wink at me with a knowing look on his face. If we put it that way, Katniss wasn’t our only enemy, we were each other’s enemies too, it was only natural when it came to the Games. No previous friendships mattered once we stepped inside the Arena and the canon went off, signalling the start of the Games. I remained standing behind Finnick as Katniss’ attention was on us, her hand slowly petting the horse.

“Do you want a sugar cube?” Finnick asked with his honey-like voice even warmer now, grinning charmingly. Katniss’ eyes narrowed as they glanced briefly at me before she focused on Finnick again, jaw clenching. She completely ignored Finnick’s hand, which was extended towards her and held a sugar cube in his palm.

“No.” She deadpanned and I snorted, masking it with a gulp when Finnick threw me a displeased look. It was hilarious each time a female turned Finnick’s advances down, it didn’t happen often and that’s exactly why I enjoyed it even more.

“Well, girl on fire, you certainly dress to impress.”

“As always.” I couldn’t help but mutter as Katniss and Mingi’s clothes had caught on fire before the parade was over, the roars of the people were so loud that they managed to make my ears ring. Katniss and Finnick ignored my comment and I let my eyes study the girl’s face more, she was way too young to be here. I was an adult, most of us were, but she was sixteen, just a child.

“Thanks, your costume is…lacking.” Katniss grimaced before she quickly averted her eyes from Finnick’s exposed chest and I chuckled again, surprised to hear her addressing me as well, “But yours looks nice—raw, almost.”

“It’s because it is raw, it’s real tree bark,” I explained as I let my fingers trace the corset, sturdy and protective around my torso. I extended my hand towards her, showing her that I meant no harm, just yet, “My name’s Im Y/N.”

“I know,” Katniss muttered as she shook my hand, her grip strong but not lasting, “I’m Katniss Everdeen.”

I hummed and nudged Finnick to suggest that he should introduce himself too, but he just popped the sugar cube in his mouth and smirked at Katniss, who looked clearly uncomfortable, “And he’s Finnick Odair, don’t let his cocky attitude make you feel uncomfortable. He’s just half the jerk he seems to be.”

Finnick scoffed and gave me a sharp look which I ignored as I studied Katniss’ face more, watching her fight a small smile off her lips as her eyes hardened instead, stance determined as she pulled her shoulders back, “Well, it’s not like I’m here to make friends.”

“Not friends, but maybe having a few people on your side wouldn’t help, girl on fire, not everyone is fond of you.” Finnick’s voice dropped as he took a step towards her, making her tense up. My jaw clenched and I averted my eyes because I knew he was right, “We are here because of you and the little stunt you pulled last year, Katniss. Don’t lower your guard.”

“Thanks for the advice, Finnick, but I don’t need it.” Katniss snapped, turning around to take off towards her mentor who seemed to appear out of nowhere. Finnick was about to say something, but I gripped his arm to stop him, my eyes meeting Haymitch’s blue ones. His eyebrows were furrowed as he took both Finnick and me in, a gaze filled with questions flashing over his face before he nodded at us in acknowledgement.

“Well, let’s get Mingi and then we can go.”

“Please, I can’t stay a second longer here.”

I watched as Haymitch and Katniss walked around us, making Finnick grimace as I turned my head to watch them walk towards Yunho, who was unsurprisingly beaming as he was surrounded by a few other tributes as well. Mingi, despite being just as tall as him, was hunched forward and hiding behind Yunho, his head lowered and jaw clenched. Song Mingi had stopped doing well after his Games, always so fidgety and scared of the world around him. But Yunho seemed determined to befriend him and he has never left Mingi’s side ever since his Victor’s Party. I couldn’t help but scowl at the two men before Finnick sighed loudly, grabbing my hand to grab my attention.

“There’ll be a bloodbath this year, Y/N, and I’m not going down so easily.” Finnick’s tone lowered and his eyes shook with conviction, and a flicker of anger, “Keep your ears and eyes open, study those around you, and stay close to the Mockingjay, you’ll know who’s your friend and foe then.”

With his cryptic words, he leaned forward to press a kiss against my cheek before he excused himself and headed for the elevator, his face tired as I watched him hug his torso when the female tributes from Districts 1 and 2 went and approached him like some hyenas, eyes filled with lust as they gazed upon him. People from Districts 1 and 2 were just as bad as those from the Capitol and I hated all of them. Sick of being surrounded by so many people I disliked, I grabbed the skirt of my heavy dress and raised it above my ankles as I stormed off towards one of the many elevators, waiting for one to open its doors as I ignored the insisted stares and whispers from the other tributes. Nobody really liked me, and I intended to keep it that way.

At least fewer feelings would be involved when I’d have to kill them, it wasn’t anything personal, after all.

            The days seemed to blur together when I was at the Capitol, yet at the same time, it felt like no time had even passed at all. As a mentor, all I had to do was focus on guiding the child I was given, making them the strongest and smartest possible. I had to strategize with them and help them build up their confidence if they lacked it, and I had to build them a persona that was easily likeable and cherished by the Capitol. But for that to happen, it also required me to network, to become someone liked by the Capitol. If it wasn’t for Yunho, I was sure not many would’ve liked me. We balanced each other out, where he was too soft and forgiving, I was rigid and hardly able to let go of a grudge. Nobody would willingly become a person disliked by many, but I had long stopped caring about other’s expectations and thoughts. I lived for myself and I lived the way I wanted—as long as President Snow allowed me to, of course. Nothing was made out of sunshine and rainbows in Panem, and if you wanted to have something that was only yours, you’d have to work hard for it, and even then it wouldn’t be enough. It was sickening, really, when I realized that I was at a great disadvantage this year.

I wasn’t a mentor any more, I was a tribute, a person not many would root for. People in the Capitol had twisted and sick fantasies and enjoyed brutality, but if one’s character wasn’t likeable, they would turn a blind eye to their efforts to win them over with their skills. And this meant that there wouldn’t be many rooting for me or sending me gifts and the bare minimum of necessities. I had to play it smart, who I’d team up with, who I’d betray, who I’d trust and who I wouldn’t. I couldn’t let just anyone into my circle of allies, and thus, when people who had no idea what the Games were about tried to give me advice, it only naturally made my blood boil. My stylists, who otherwise were rather acceptable people despite being from the Capitol, had seemed to think they knew better who was good and wasn’t to have in your team. They thought just because they watched us through a screen each year they could give us advice. I have held my tongue the whole week, not wanting to create an even more tense environment. It was already enough that I fled the room whenever Yunho entered it and didn’t speak nor look at him even at the other’s futile attempts.

Tonight was no different as we sat at the big table filled with tasty food to the brim, loud chatter filling the vast dining room. Yunho was to my left, unfortunately, and his musky cologne seemed to be stronger tonight than any time else, making my nose itch as I fought another sneeze away. I raised my hand holding the fork and rubbed at my nose, trying to get rid of the constant itching, it was irritating. But what was even more irritating were Yunho’s futile attempts at grabbing my attention or trying to stir up a conversation with me, it wasn’t happening. We were headed inside the Arena in less than two days and I wasn’t about to frolic around with him. I managed to avoid him so far, I had to remain focused on my own strategy. I wasn’t dying in that Arena, if President Snow thought it would be smart to send victors back, I would make sure to give him a headache lasting for centuries. Did he want a parade? I would gladly create a scene for him.

“Ah, just look at it!” Momo exclaimed, her full attention on the TV’s screen as they were replaying images of yesterday night’s interviews. It didn’t go as planned, of course, it didn’t. Everyone was revolted for having to return inside the Arena, and in a last desperate attempt, we had tried to show our unity to the districts that even if Snow tried to turn us against each other, at the core, we fought together for a better tomorrow, for a better Panem. My lips twitched into a satisfied smirk when I watched ourselves on the screen holding hands, raising them high up in the air as Caesar Flickerman’s panicked voice cut through the microphone, and then the lights went out. Snow hated it, I knew he hated it, and the knowledge of that alone made my whole evening more enjoyable. That is, of course, until Momo’s big and gleaming eyes were focused back on us.

“You are so brave,” She said, lips quivering. Out of the team that worked with us to make us look good, Momo was the least likeable. She was the typical Capitol resident, entitled and sheltered, a bit dumb, and overall annoying, “I wouldn’t be able to stand there, you even held hands to share a last moment together. It’s beautiful.”

Wooyoung, always the little shit, snorted under his breath as he raised his fork and bit the meat off of it. Wooyoung wasn’t dumb, he was far from it, and he seemed to dislike most of the people surrounding him despite not being that different from them. He said nothing as Minghao hummed from across me, his features blank as always. He rarely spoke, but when he did, he’d either say something that would scar you for life or make you wish he never opened his mouth. He was merciless, with everyone.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” My voice was laced with sarcasm and Yunho stopped moving around for a second, I could feel his wide eyes on the side of my face. It was the first time I had spoken tonight, “Sending us to our imminent deaths? Yeah, there’s just something so romantic about it, don’t you think so?”

An uncomfortable silence fell over the table despite the amused smile on Minghao’s face, who took hold of his wine glass and tilted it in my direction as a silent toast. I wasn’t fond of him, unsurprisingly, but he seemed to be the only person besides Yunho and myself who was aware of all the horror the Capitol inflicted on the districts. He was quiet about it, but his mask sometimes slipped and I could see the hatred in his eyes, the rage boiling underneath his blood whenever Snow was shown on the screen, giving one of his lame speeches.

“Well,” Yeri, a person full of life and passion, tried to diffuse the palpable tension, “how did your evaluations go? What did you do? You never told us about it.”

“Yeah, you didn’t!” Wooyoung exclaimed with a full mouth, making Yeri grimace as she averted her eyes onto her plate. We didn’t have the time to tell them about it, not that I was in the mood to talk about how I had showcased my skills. I did it in a certainly memorable way, I was sure the Gamemakers weren’t satisfied with it, but I wasn’t here to please anyone. Yunho cleared his throat as he leaned forward to grab his cup of water, eyes falling on me briefly. I ignored him and took another bite of my dinner, the rich aromas never ceasing to amaze me. If there was just one good thing about the existence of the Capitol, it was their food.

As Yunho realized I wouldn’t speak up, he cleared his throat again and intertwined his fingers as he placed them on the table, “I did what I did all those years ago but made it more interesting, I suppose. I’m good with an axe, so…I wasn’t trying to impress anyone, really. That’s not my goal—”

“But, Yunho!” Momo’s exclamation cut Yunho off as her eyes grew wide, “You are supposed to impress them! What if they give you a bad score? That would be terrible.”

I snorted under my breath, rolling my eyes, “The Capitol giving a bad score to their golden boy? Yeah, sure, and I’m President Snow’s wife.”

“You’d kill yourself first before they’d even pronounce you as his wife.” Minghao’s reply came fast, cutting through the growing tension due to my blatant jar directed at Yunho. But, yes, Minghao was right. I’d rather kill myself than marry Snow, it was a stupid and absurd example, just like Momo’s stupid assumption.

“You’d be surprised to find out they aren’t as head over heels for me as you think, Y/N.” Yunho rarely snapped back, but as I glanced at him, I noticed his jaw clenching and unclenching. I couldn’t say that I was satisfied to see him triggered, but it certainly made me feel a little bit smug. Watching Yunho’s perfect mask crumble always satisfied me, it was proof of who he really was. It’s a pity not many were able to witness it.

“Maybe, but—” Wooyoung paused for no reason, just to be dramatic, as his twinkling eyes fell on me, “they certainly like you more than they like Y/N.”

“Say something new, Wooyoung.” I huffed and grabbed my own glass of orange juice, my stomach heavy from how much I had eaten. I had to enjoy full meals before going inside the Arena, I knew there I wouldn’t have the chance to eat much. I hated it.

“Since it seems like the cat finally returned your tongue, tell us about your evaluation.” Wooyoung grinned, lips ghosting over the edge of his wine glass. My jaw tensed as I leaned back in my chair, pushing the plate just slightly away from me as a way of letting everyone know I wasn’t eating anymore. The Avoxes lingering just around us noticed and quickly came closer, taking the plates and silverware away before they disappeared to the kitchen. I didn’t want to entertain those who sat at the table with me, but I knew I couldn’t just stand and go to my room, that would’ve been too rude, and I knew Minghao would very shamelessly drag me back. But just to prolong my moment of silence and peace of mind, knowing the reactions that would soon follow, I took a big gulp of the orange juice and made sure to savour it. Wooyoung scoffed as he rolled his eyes and Minghao, surprisingly, seemed rather interested as his eyebrows raised. Momo had her mouth hanging open as she sat on the edge of her chair and Yeri seemed nonchalant, but I knew she was just as curious as everyone else.

As for Yunho, his torso had turned to face me and his warm chocolate-like eyes were insistent, as if he was trying to penetrate my mind and read my every thought. Irritated, I held the glass in both hands and took a deep breath, “I destroyed the training room.”

The gasps that followed were satisfying, gratifying. I chuckled, staring at nothing in particular smugly, “I walked inside with my head held high, I introduced myself and then grabbed the tables first, pushing everything off of them just to flip them over. Then I went and turned everything I could over, hurling the weapons I could towards the Gamemakers, but sadly, there was a forcefield around them this time. And then, when I felt satisfied with my work, I told them to get fucked in the ass and left the room with a bright smile on my face.”

The mouths hanging open made me chuckle, which turned into quiet giggles as I stared down into my lap, feeling as if I had accomplished something big. This was the best way I could show defiance, and so I took the opportunity and rolled with it. I couldn’t have been prouder, but my joyful moment didn’t last for long when I felt a warm palm pressing against my left thigh. Before I could react, push the hand off or anything, long fingers grabbed onto my flesh through my pants and I gulped, my heartbeat spiking at the inappropriate touch. I whipped my head around, Yunho’s eyes boring into mine as his eyebrows were furrowed.

“You shouldn’t have done that.” His voice was deep, low, and scrutinizing. I scoffed but didn’t say anything as his grip only turned tighter, making goosebumps erupt under my sweater. Yunho didn’t look mad, but he didn’t look calm either, it was peculiar, I couldn’t read his expression.

“That’s…” Minghao took a deep breath, face suddenly lighting up in elation, “simply brilliant!”

“No, it isn’t.” Yunho snapped, his head turning around as he looked at Wooyoung, who looked concerned. It made my eyebrows furrow, but before I could speak up, Yeri beat me to it.

“You just put a target on your head, Y/N,” Her voice was hesitant as she glanced around the table, stare lingering on Wooyoung as if she was asking for permission to speak, “You know the President isn’t fond of you, you shouldn’t have angered him further. These Games, they—they are happening to take you down, the strongest, the ones who had proven they were strong enough to fight a battle lest it happens, you should play it smart, Y/N, not make a fool out of yourself.”

My eyebrows raised as I chuckled, unamused, leaning forward to look at Yeri better, “Really? I’m a fool now? You think I want to be here, again?! You think I want to go back inside that fucking Arena and kill those people? To relive all the repressed memories and emotions? Fuck off, Yeri, when all you’ve known is a lavished lifestyle without death constantly looming over your head.”

“Watch your language.” Wooyoung was rarely serious, but when his fox-like eyes narrowed and his lips twitched, he looked scary. He could be scary when he wanted to be, perhaps that is why he laughed so often and tried to always look mischievous, “Yeri is right, stop being so fucking proud that you can’t admit when you’ve just made a mistake. If your score is low the people won’t even bat an eyelash your way, considering there’s someone who likes you.”

“I don’t give a shit who likes me and who doesn’t, Wooyoung.” I scoffed, my thigh burning where Yunho’s fingers gripped it. It was becoming too hot in the dining room, Yunho’s strong cologne was making my head dizzy and I could feel my lungs tightening up. I didn’t want to stay here, I didn’t like being put on the spot, and I didn’t like it when people treated me for less than I was.

“Well, you should.” Wooyoung said, tone cold, “Because your life depends on your sponsors and your allies, you stupid girl.”

Before I could snap back at Wooyoung, Momo, who had been surprisingly quiet, chirped up, “Speaking of that, who are you taking as your allies? I was thinking Enobaria, from District 2, and—”

“Mingi.” Yunho’s tone was determined, eyes hardened as he looked at everyone sitting at the table, his gaze slipping onto mine, “I’m not leaving him alone, he’s coming with us.”

“With us?” I muttered under my breath and flinched when Yunho’s fingers felt like they were digging through my pants, “I’m with Finnick and Mags, I don’t care what you do and who you go off with.”

“You’re a team.” Minghao said, his lips pursed, “You two have to stick together, it’s what everyone else will do too, it’s only logical.”

“And if I don’t want to?” I fired rapidly, eyebrows raising.

“I just told you to stop being fucking arrogant, Y/N.” Wooyoung hissed, slamming his fist onto the table and making me flinch as my heart started thumping faster, “You’d be suicidal to not form a team with Yunho, he’s amongst the last ones the other tributes will go for. He’s strong and you know he’s got your back, you can’t go frolicking with Finnick and Mags, what if they turn on you?”

“They won’t,” I said through a clenched jaw and having had enough of Yunho’s touch, I gripped his wrist and ignored the looks we got. My nails dug into his skin painfully, but he wasn’t budging, it made my blood boil, “Finnick is like my brother, he won’t turn on me.”

“Mingi is like my brother too, I’m not leaving him alone—”

“So, are you saying you want us to team up with the Mockingjay?” I whipped my head around, eyes bleeding into Yunho’s, “You want to put a target on our heads right from the get-go? Everyone hates her guts, everyone will want to kill her first. I’m not teaming up with Mingi and Katniss, Yunho—”

“It wasn’t a question,” Yunho snapped, suddenly flipping his palm up as he grabbed my wrist instead and yanked me towards himself. I gasped as I felt forward, gripping the edge of the chair with my right hand, heart racing against my chest, “Mingi is coming with us, and wherever he goes, Katniss goes too. And you’re coming with us too, whether you like it or not. I don’t care if Finnick and Mags join us, I know they won’t turn against us until there’s just us left behind.”

I scoffed and yanked my wrist out of his hold, snarling at him, “You won’t tell me what to do, I’m not going to be in a team with you. Yet better, get out of my fucking way when that canon goes off because you will be the first person I’ll kill, Yunho.”

My words stung, they were honest but I hadn’t meant them like that. I hadn’t realized their weight until it was too late and I couldn’t take them back anymore. I tried to gulp but my throat was tight, cheeks burning from both anger and the sudden regret and embarrassment I felt. For the first time, I didn’t feel satisfaction as I watched Yunho’s face fall, a very clearly pained expression crossing his face. His eyebrows furrowed as if he didn’t understand why I would say something like that, but his eyes filled with tears and suddenly I felt like I couldn’t breathe anymore. It didn’t help that everyone was staring at me with wide-open mouths, just as shocked as Yunho by my words. When I heard Momo starting to sob, I knew I couldn’t sit there anymore. I stood abruptly, pushing my chair back forcefully as I took off towards my room, breaking out into a sprint when I felt my bottom lip shake, tears flooding my eyes.

Why was I on the verge of breaking down? Why did my own words hurt me when they were the truth, when they were supposed to let Yunho know that I didn’t want him around? Not here, not home, and certainly not in the Games. I couldn’t trust him, he’d tried to kill me once before, and he wasn’t even in the Arena with me, what would guarantee that he wouldn’t do it again? And now it would be so much easier done, I couldn’t trust him. In my desperate daze to get back to my room, I didn’t hear the quick footsteps chasing after me, and I gasped when my door was slammed open before it could even close. I knew who it was even before I turned around, and my hands balled into fists, throat tight as I tried to gulp again.

“Why are you like this?”

“Get out.”

We spoke over each other, Yunho’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion while mine in irritation, “Get out, Yunho, get out!”

“I’m not going fucking anywhere until you tell me how I wronged you!” Yunho had never raised his voice before, it made me flinch as his chest fell and rose rapidly, his lips downturned. He was mad and confused, and he wasn’t budging as I tried to push him out of my room. No, instead, he gripped my biceps painfully hard and shook my body as if that would shake some sense into me, his eyes shaking as they bore into mine. I couldn’t breathe as my heart raced painfully hard in my chest, my face flushed from the adrenaline. I couldn’t even tell what was wrong with me anymore, I didn’t know if I was scared, mad, desperate, or just insane. But I knew that if Yunho continued looking at me with that hurt expression on his face, I would completely break, and I couldn’t let that happen. Not when we were so close to going inside the Games where I had to be focused and committed to the thought that only I was making it back.

“You should think back on your actions, Yunho, it’s very easy actually.” I chuckled, trying to feign nonchalance, but I knew I was failing by how shaky my voice sounded, “I don’t trust you.”

“I know that, but no matter how hard I think about it, I just—” He gulped, averting his eyes, “I don’t know. I don’t know what I did wrong and I can’t—I just can’t have you pushing me away when we are so close, please, Y/N. I care for you just as much as I care for Mingi, we can’t separate in the Arena.”

I gulped as Yunho’s painful grip softened on my biceps, his shaking eyes searching my face as I tried to gather my thoughts, to give him a rational answer, “You think you won’t turn on me when the timing comes?”

I was surprised by how dejected and sad I sounded. I chuckled, fed up even with myself as the silence stretched on between us, Yunho’s lack of an answer being the answer. He knew it and I knew it too, the alliances would last as long as there were still many of us alive in the Arena. After that? Everyone was on their own, everyone. Even those who loved each other would have no choice but to choose. Me or them. And the answer was clear, it always had been. Humans were selfish, we were desperate to survive, and it was obvious who we’d choose.

“But I don’t want to turn on you.” Yunho’s voice was just a whisper as suddenly his hands moved, tracing up to my shoulders as he stepped closer, making me inhale deeply. His musky scent was nauseating, but it was the only thing in this wrenched place that smelled like home, that reminded me of home, that felt like home. Yunho’s closeness was familiar despite my dislike for it, and I found myself gripping his sweater at his hips, tilting my head back to look at him better. Yunho’s eyes were coated with an emotion that ran deep in his bones, an emotion that was so clear it made me freeze. He didn’t hate me, not even when I had been nothing but horrible to him, it was so obvious he didn’t and that was dangerous. It was dangerous because I could feel my walls crumble as I closed the distance between us, pressing my body against his bigger and stronger one. Yunho’s jaw clenched as he gently cupped my jaw, licking his lips as his eyes shifted between my eyes and lips.

“We won’t have to turn against each other, Y/N.” He whispered, leaning down so close that our lips brushed together. I gasped, quietly, as my eyes widened, freezing in his hold as I didn’t expect him to make such a bold move. But there was something hidden in his gaze, which quickly darted over the room as if searching for something, his voice really low and deep as he spoke again, “This will be the last time, to us, to them, to the children. Whatever happens in that Arena, it will happen with the intention to fix what’s been broken for so many years, to bring about a new beginning. So we mustn’t forget who our true enemy is, Y/N.”

My mind was reeling as Yunho’s words sank in, heart beating in a frenzy as I couldn’t completely focus due to the mess I was feeling inside. I wanted to push him away, slap him, berate him, but I also wanted to grab his collar and seal our lips together, to devour him, to breathe him in, to feel his body against mine, to give in to the burn situated low in my stomach. I hated him, but I wanted him. Snow took everyone from me, but he left me with Yunho as if he knew I’d torture myself over it, hate him with moments of relapse where all I could do was want him. I shuddered when Yunho shifted his head, his soft and wet lips pressing against the corner of my mouth. I wanted to chase after it, I wanted to taste him, but he turned his head when I tried to finally close the small distance. My lips pressed against his jaw instead and I couldn’t stop myself as I pressed an open-mouth kiss against his hot skin, fingers digging into his sweater, settling on his narrow hips. I couldn’t control myself anymore, it was too much. And maybe I didn’t want to let my logical brain lead me, maybe I wanted to give in to my deepest, darkest, desires led by my heart.

“If we do this together, Yunho,” My voice was hoarse as I spoke, our eyes meeting again as Yunho faced me once again, “The second I realize you’ve lied to me, I will kill you. I will kill anyone because I’m not dying in that Arena.”

“You are not.” Yunho emphasised as he gulped, reaching a hand up as he pushed my hair back, tangling his long fingers into the smooth strands, “But we must protect the Mockingjay.”

“Why?” I hissed, eyebrows furrowed as I turned my head just slightly, pressing my cheek into his, for once, warm palm. Yunho smiled, letting his other hand drop from my jaw as he shrugged, eyes shaking as his face morphed into tiredness. He seemed tired, but not just due to today’s events, he was tired of everything.

“To be free.” My eyes fluttered closed when he leaned forward, pressing a lasting kiss against my forehead. It made my chest ache and my hands almost chased after him when he untangled himself from my body, leaving me alone and cold in the room that would be my bedroom for the last time. I didn’t know what to do, but I knew one thing.

I wasn’t dying in that Arena, and perhaps neither was Yunho.

            Dread, so deep that it rattled your bones, was an emotion one could never get used to. I forgot what it truly meant to fear for your life, to do everything you could to keep yourself alive. President Snow wanted the utmost entertainment as Panem watched their most beloved victors fight for their lives, and he certainly got what he wanted. We didn’t have to run to the Cornucopia this year to get our weapons, no, the Cornucopia was where we stood the second the platforms raised us into the Arena. I couldn’t even focus on my chaotic heartbeat, eyes looking around for Finnick, only to spot Yunho instead straight across from me. He had given me a firm nod, and then his eyes fixed on something past me. When I turned to see what it was, I could see two axes lined up against the leg of a table. They were put there for us. I turned in my spot, muscles tight as the countdown began—may the odds be ever in your favour. Words I never thought I’d hear so vividly again, just through the screen of a TV while I watched my tributes fight until death.

And despite knowing what it meant to be in the Games and knowing it would be no easy feat to get away from the Cornucopia in one piece, it still shocked me how hard I had to fight to gain the upper hand. It seemed like Yunho and I weren’t the only ones yielding an axe, and thus, my first kill had been claimed right after the countdown, it didn’t surprise me. But there was no time for grief or hesitation, everyone was out there to get the other. I had to find my allies before someone could kill me, and upon seeing Finnick’s blonde hair disappear underwater, I knew I had to get away too. The Cornucopia was situated on an island in the middle of a lake, surrounded by lush green and dense pine trees. The breeze was chilly, the air humid. It felt like I was back in District 7 on an early autumn day when the days were starting to get shorter and the nights longer. The scenery felt familiar yet it made my skin crawl, I hated it here.

My ears still rang from the canons that had gone off right after the countdown, and my lungs burned when I resurfaced. The water was colder than I had expected and as I wasn’t an experimented swimmer, I struggled until I reached the shore, the axe I had to somehow carry to land also made my mission more difficult. As I gasped for air, water droplets obscuring my view, hand feeling around for my abandoned axe, I realized with great terror that something was actively sneaking around my ankles, slithering up my legs. In a frenzy, I decided to look back and I was mortified when I realized the weeds inside the water were moving up my leg, trying to yank me back inside the water. I tried to reach for my axe but it was out of reach, and just as I started trashing my legs around in hopes of making the weeds retract, I heard the sound of splashing water not too far from me. Then, the sharp edge of an axe came down and I gasped as I quickly flipped onto my back, my hand gripping the handle of my own axe as I was finally able to reach it.

Yunho’s suit was snug against his fit body, leaving very little to the imagination as it acted as a second skin. Our suits offered warmth but they were uncomfortable, the jacket that came with it only holding us back when we had to swim through the lake to reach the shore. Yunho was breathing hard as his eyes were pointed at me, and then he reached his hand out and I grabbed it without thinking much. I was hoisted up and I made sure no weed remained on my legs as Yunho hadn’t released my hand just yet, guiding us towards another tall person, who stood far away from the wet ground. My teeth clattered against each other as the lake’s coldness seemed to cling onto my every crevice, and I whipped my head left and right as I was trying to spot Finnick and Mags. I could see people rushing inside the trees at a distance, but neither had blonde hair like Finnick’s. Then, realizing that despite him being strong and capable of getting through the bloodbath, one of the canons that went off could’ve signalled his death.

My breath caught in my throat as I yanked my hand out of Yunho’s, making him pause as we finally reached Mingi, who was looking around himself nervously, bow and arrow clutched tightly in his hands. A hunting knife was strapped to his hips as well, and despite the always solemn look on his face, he seemed alert and present. But I couldn’t focus on Mingi or Yunho, all I could think about was the absence of Finnick, Mags, and even Katniss. Weren’t Mingi and her supposed to stick together no matter what?

“Where’s Katniss?” I found myself asking before I could think this through. I didn’t trust Mingi, hell, I didn’t even fully trust Yunho. I didn’t want to be with them, but Yunho’s long fingers found my arm again and he was suddenly walking off, dragging me after himself. I tried to stop, looking back at Mingi with a panicked expression on my face as he followed after us wordlessly, but neither one of them was saying anything. It only made my heart race faster, reminded me of the time when I was betrayed by my own district’s male tribute, flashbacks making my body shudder when Yunho just ignored me, fingernails digging through the fabric of my jacket as he led the way deeper inside the pine forest, “Stop—stop!”

I knew I was supposed to stay silent, but I was panicking, my mind was hazy and my lungs were heavy, I couldn’t continue like this. The Games had just started, I couldn’t freak out so early on, I needed to stay level-headed and in control of my thoughts and actions, “Yunho, I said fucking stop!”

“We can’t stop, Y/N!” He exclaimed, suddenly halting and making me run into his broad back. I gasped as my face collided with it and he whirled around, eyebrows furrowed, “We are too exposed right now, we have to keep going, the others are lurking around still.”

“I’m not going anywhere without Finnick, Yunho, I’ve already told you this—”

“I didn’t see Finnick anywhere,” I could barely speak before Yunho cut me off, as if he didn’t even care about what I had to say. The lump in my throat made it hard to swallow all of a sudden, “We can’t wait around for him, we have to keep moving for a while, at least. And if—he—he might’ve died already, Y/N, we can’t wait around for—”

“What about Katniss?” I hissed, turning my head around as I glared at Mingi, who looked tense and lowered his eyes when my glare burned into his shaken eyes, “Weren’t you two supposed to stay together?”

“We were, but I—she pushed me in the water to save me from a knife and I—” Mingi gulped, sharing a quick glance with Yunho. It made me look back at Yunho, feeling more suspicious than before. Something was wrong, they had to be lying. But why would they want us to separate from Finnick and Katniss? It made no sense, “I lost sight of her, I’m sorry. But she’s strong and she can swim, I know she made it out. The forest is like a second home to her, she’ll find her way back—I hope.”

“Hope,” I scoffed, shaking Yunho’s grip off as I held my axe even tighter, jaw clenching, “is not good enough here, Mingi. Are you sure you didn’t do this on purpose? Why did you want to separate me from Finnick—”

“Nobody wanted us to separate.” Yunho’s sharp tone cut me off and I gasped when I felt him cup my cheek and turn my head around, his chocolate brown eyes hard and glaring, “Things rarely go as planned inside the Games, Y/N, you know that, so we can’t just stand here and argue and draw even more attention onto us. We’ll search until we find them, okay?”

“I know you did this on purpose, Yunho.” I hissed, slapping his warm hand away, my jaw clenching as Yunho closed his eyes and released a long exhale, “I don’t know what sick and twisted game you’re playing at, but I will slit your—”

A twig snapping to our right made the rest of my words die in the back of my throat, making both Yunho and Mingi tense up as they whipped their heads towards where the sound had come from. My grip tightened around the handle of my axe until my joints ached, and I tilted my head, waiting and listening for another sound. It was minuscule, but it was there, someone was hiding behind the tree. It didn’t look like Mingi or Yunho had noticed, though, because Mingi turned his head and Yunho opened his mouth to say something, but I paid them no mind as I raised my arm and flung my axe towards the tree just as someone with a sword jumped around it. The sickening crack of bones was loud as the tribute gasped, flung back into the tree as the axe was lodged almost perfectly in the middle of his chest. Mingi gasped and seemed to freeze as Yunho gulped, his hand tightening around his own axe.

I threw him a glare before I went towards the tribute who was pinned against the tree by my axe, blood flowing out of his mouth as the life slowly slipped away from the man’s eyes. It was the male tribute from District 6, a man I didn’t know well but had heard talk shit about me behind my back. He was still alive but just barely hanging onto life, so without thinking, I grabbed the back of the axe and pushed it even deeper into the man’s chest, making him let out a gurgled groan. It only took three seconds for his head to drop and for the canon to go off. I scoffed and grabbed the back of the axe, yanking it out of his lifeless body as he crumbled to the ground, folding over itself as I wiped the blood on the back of his jacket, grinning to myself. I would’ve apologized if he would’ve deserved it, but a man who’d tried sexually assaulting me before did not deserve my mercy. Satisfied with my work, and slightly hopeful that the Capitol was thrilled by my kill, I turned with a grin on my lips. The feeling of victory didn’t last for long as I froze, taken aback by the sight in front of me.

Mingi’s whole body was shaking, his bow and arrow were on the ground and his head was hidden in the crook of Yunho’s neck, who held his friend close, muttering reassuring words into the younger’s ear. My jaw clenched, and suddenly the adrenaline rush crashed inside my body, bringing back the clattering of my teeth as my body was still way too cold. I wanted to think of Mingi as someone weak, as someone who had lost his mind already, as someone who had no place in the Hunger Games, an easy prey to whom death was certain. But deep down, in a hidden chamber of my heart, I felt sympathy for Mingi because all I wanted to do was crumble into a ball and sob until no emotion was left inside my chest. I was beyond frightened and all I wanted was to be held in Yunho’s warm and comforting arms, in the arms that felt like home. But I couldn’t, if I let my emotions take the lead, I would die and that was a luxury I couldn’t afford—not yet, at least.

“We need to move,” I spoke up, voice surprisingly gentle as I realized Mingi’s reaction had been triggered by my kill. I didn’t want to set him off more, it wouldn’t just be bad for him, it would set Yunho and me back too, I couldn’t have that happen, “We’re too close to the shore still.”

“Mingi,” Yunho’s voice was gentle as he pressed his nose against his best friend’s temple, rubbing his back up and down with both hands as his axe lay on the ground next to his leg, “It’s okay, we’re fine. Y/N took care of him, you’re safe with us. Let’s go, okay? We need to keep moving to avoid situations like this one, hm?”

I heard a sniff as I approached them, crouching down to fetch Mingi’s bow and arrow as he nodded his head, throwing his arms around Yunho’s neck as he gave him a tight squeeze. Yunho chuckled but returned the hug, a warm smile appearing on his face when the two separated. I gulped, feeling uncomfortable at their intimacy, at the ease they showed affection to each other. Even if my body and soul craved closeness to another human being, my mind wouldn’t let me bring the walls built around my heart down, I just couldn’t. It was too late now, softness didn’t get you anywhere in the Arena, only barbarity did.

“Here,” I muttered as Mingi faced me, his body still trembling when his eyes landed on his previously abandoned weapons. He gulped and very slowly reached forward, “I understand that it’s hard, Mingi, but if you let your trauma and fear consume you, you won’t get far in the Games.”

He nodded once and then grabbed his weapons out of my hands, staring at them with a ferocious glare. Yunho grabbed his axe too and then sighed, rubbing his face before he glanced around us, “Let’s head uphill, maybe we find something that we can use as a resource.”

I nodded, letting the two fall in step in front of me as I opted to look out for our backs, making sure we weren’t exposed on either side. My muscles hurt by how tense they were, and my ears were trained well to catch even the slightest shifts, the quietest of sounds. I knew how to survive situations worse than this, but I couldn’t let my guard down, the Games had barely started.

But if there was one thing I was certain of, it was that I couldn’t trust Yunho or Mingi. Finnick was my only ally in these Games and I was going to find him, whether on my own or with the help of two tall men walking in front of me, I didn’t care. I was going home once this was over.

            The first night in the Arena had been silent, uneventful. This was good only because we got a good night’s rest, otherwise, it meant the Gamemakers were planning something big. I couldn’t tell what, not yet at least, but the lightning striking a tree in the distance, far more uphill, managed to raise my suspicions. I couldn’t tell just yet what that was supposed to mean, but I had counted twelve strikes. I had been on the lookout when it happened, preferring to be the first to keep watch as the two men I was with slept soundly, huddled closely together. Before the artificial sun could set, we made a small bonfire to try to warm ourselves up, grilling a frog we had found by the creak. It got really cold by the nighttime, but I preferred my teeth clattering to cozying up with either Yunho or Mingi. I didn’t trust them, not in the least, and I had twirled the hunting knife between my fingers as I watched them sleep, so unassumingly, so easy to kill. But I wouldn’t do it just yet, not until I have found Finnick and we’d figure something out together. The Arena was big and I knew we had little chance of finding each other, but for once in my life I could only pray the odds would be in my favor.

Morning came fast and once we refreshed ourselves by the creak, which was surprisingly lukewarm, we took off once again, headed more uphill. We were looking for a good hiding spot, something we could treat as our base, but we were also just keen on exploring the Arena. It felt like the pine forest was endless, and to someone who didn’t grow up in a District that was surrounded by forests, it must’ve felt like an endless maze of trees that looked the same no matter which way you looked. But to Yunho and I it was rather easy to navigate through its density, the scenery was never the same to us. The occasional fallen log, the change of the bush type, or even the way birds flew overhead were a good tale-tell sign of where we were. Mingi seemed to be at ease too, moving around as if the forest was his second home. I knew District 12 was just by the forest, but I had no idea they could go inside it too. Maybe Mingi was hiding things about himself even towards Yunho, it wouldn’t surprise me.

As the day had dragged on and the temperatures rose once again, our stomachs churned loudly as we were getting tired from endlessly climbing uphill, the pathway slippery due to the small rocks we had to walk on. Yunho had exchanged spots with Mingi, and I was keen on remaining at the back as we trekked around some more trees, avoiding bushes that looked like something was wrong with them. We had only stopped when the sound of a drone caught our attention, the beeping of it high-pitched and loud as if it were a child’s toy. It was headed towards us, more specifically towards Yunho, and it looked like a box—a big box when Yunho caught it, his eyebrows furrowed. We had stopped then and once Yunho had opened it up, our mouths started watering. Someone from the Capitol had sent us breakfast and left us a letter telling us to feast on it as they’d send us some more tomorrow morning as well. Yunho, the ever-lovely person he was, faced a camera and thanked the sender with a bright smile and some sweet words, Mingi and I could barely contain ourselves from ravishing the bagels, cheese, grapes, and slices that looked and tasted like ham.

Once our bellies were full, we were off again hoping to find a cave as we had followed the stream until it started disappearing into an unknown direction. Mingi was at the front of the group leading us, his bow and arrow gripped in his hands as we had finally spotted a cave up-front, right by the pathway. He seemed excited upon our finding and quickened his pace, making Yunho and I run after him as Yunho glanced back to throw me an excited smile. I didn’t react as I fixed my grip on my axe, ready to face other tributes if they were hiding inside the cave that we’d claim as ours soon. But it was dark and silent inside as we reached its opening and Mingi halted, looking back at Yunho and I.

“I’ll go check, wait here.”

“You shouldn’t go alone,” Yunho muttered, his eyebrows furrowed.

“It’s fine, I won’t go in deep,” Mingi reassured him and then stalked inside, his bow and arrow drawn in case he was forced to use it. With a gulp, I settled back on my heels and looked around, trying to evade Yunho’s burning gaze. He didn’t say anything, but he continued to stare as I tried harder and harder to ignore him. My heart was slowly starting to thump faster in my chest, and I could feel myself starting to sweat from still wearing my jacket over the body-tight suit. Just as Yunho opened his mouth to say something, Mingi’s shriek made us tense up and share a concerned glance, and then Yunho was off before I could even tell him to wait.

“Mingi!” He screamed, running inside the cave with his axe raised. I remained in my spot, my breaths audible as I whipped my head around, looking out for anyone who could be prowling on us. My heartbeat was deafening as I tried to tune in to the sounds of the forest, but the pounding feet coming from inside the cave caught my attention rapidly, and I couldn’t even make out what was happening as Yunho and Mingi’s panicked faces came into view, Yunho’s hand gripping my arm hard as he yanked me after himself, sprinting downhill all of a sudden.

“Run!” Mingi screamed as he took the lead once again, his bow around his shoulder and arrow in its holster, my heart started pounding faster as I twisted my head around, trying to make out what we were running from. Going downhill was certainly easier than uphill, but the small rocky path was tricky as it was slippery and made it harder for us to flee safely. If it weren’t for Yunho’s relenting grip on my bicep, I was sure I would’ve tumbled to the ground already.

“What are we running from?!” I asked as my lungs heaved for air, Yunho and I jumped over a fallen log as Mingi was well in front of us, not looking back even once.

“Snakes!” Yunho screamed, and I felt my whole body shudder, fear gripping my insides. I wasn’t afraid of snakes, but I was afraid of whatever mutants these were, certain to kill us. I gulped and twisted my head around again to try and see the reptilians, which turned out to be my downfall— quite literally.

“Yunho, come on!” I heard Mingi scream before my feet got caught in the vines that slithered across the forest floor and I gasped as my feet were cut from underneath me, Yunho’s grip disappearing as he continued to run while I rolled to the side, curling into myself to try and protect my head as I hit the side of a boulder. I groaned, my back numb as it caught most of my fall, and my axe was somewhere on the ground. I tried to look for it, getting on my knees as I heard the slithering snakes getting closer, their hisses menacing. My heart felt like it was in my throat as I could hear my pulse clearly and loudly in my ears, looking up as the fallen leaves rattled not too far from me.

“Yunho?!” I heard Mingi’s raw voice call out in the distance, laced with panic, “What are you—no!”

I could see my axe from here, a colourful snake was twisting around its handle, hissing as its eyes fell on me. I gritted my teeth and fumbled around for my hunting knife, unlatching it from around my thigh as I gripped it in my hand, staring the snake down. The only problem was that it wasn’t just one snake that was coming after us, it was multiple, a dozen, thousands even as the otherwise silent forest was filled with their hissing. My mouth parted as my breathing got heavier, and my eyes widened when I felt something crawling up my left calf. It only took me one second to realize a snake had gotten to me without me noticing its approach, and an involuntary shriek escaped my mouth as I tried to kick it off. I tried to stay as calm as possible and fight with a level head, but the dread gripping at my insides, whispering that I was going to die, made me panic as I tried to stab the snake, but it dodged my knife each time as if it was intelligent enough to do so.

“Yunho!” Mingi’s desperate shout almost felt like it shook the ground, and I hissed at the snake as another one got too close, trying to stab that one too. It was hard to accept the fact that I would die such a pathetic death, but I bet the Capitol would love it. They were always entertained by whatever the Gamemakers had prepared for us, and I felt my lips tremble as a pathetic whine left my lips when the snake’s body got tighter around my leg, opening its mouth in a menacing snarl. But the pain spreading from of its poison never came as Yunho suddenly appeared from around the trees, slicing snakes in half as he stepped hard on others, his eyes finding mine. He looked terrified once he noticed the snake around my leg, and without consideration for his life, he leapt forward and grabbed the snake with his bare hand, yanking it so hard that it tore its body in two. The snake hissed, but before it could try to do more harm, it was decapitated by Yunho’s axe, his chest rising and falling rapidly.

“Fuck, come on!” He snapped, and it helped me quench my terror as I scrambled onto my feet, almost tripping again but this time due to nothing. My whole body was shaking as Yunho’s fingers intertwined with mine, his palm calloused and sweaty as he was breathing hard.

“Yunho?!” Mingi sounded on the verge of hysteria as Yunho and I ran towards the pathway again, and I retrieved my axe quickly, stomping on a snake vengefully before we sprinted down the rocky pathway again. This time I made sure to not glance back even though the snakes were right by our feet, trying to bite at our calves, and Achilles tendon, some even trying to jump and latch onto our torsos.

“Keep running, Mingi!” Yunho screamed back as we could see him now since we were closer to him. He was standing with his bow and arrow drawn back, hands visibly shaking and his eyes red. But once he had spotted us, he took off again, going off the pathway and jumping over bushes.

“Where are we going?!” I panted out, swinging at a snake as it tried jumping at my body from the right side.

“I have no idea,” Yunho answered breathlessly but veered us off the pathway, following Mingi’s lead. Even though he was well ahead of us, Yunho seemed to constantly know his friend’s location, and which way we needed to go to catch up with him. And it seemed like Mingi had stopped running once we reached the small clearing, his calves soaked in the creak.

“Get in!” He was beckoning us over frantically, marching over to the side of the creak when we were finally close enough, and then he grabbed Yunho’s axe and yanked us aggressively inside the water. Yunho slipped and fell to his knees, his axe remaining in Mingi’s grip as Yunho panted, head hanging low. My legs threatened to give out too but I was mostly confused as I looked at Mingi, and then back at the approaching snakes.

“Why did we stop?!” I asked, fear coating my voice, “We’re going to die, I can’t—”

“The snakes won’t come into the water,” Mingi said, his jaw set tight as he looked at the approaching reptilians.

“How do you know?!” I gave him an incredulous look, my attention shifting onto Yunho when he rolled around, sitting on his bum despite getting his suit soaked once again.

“They aren’t water snakes, just—trust me.” Mingi’s deep tone was raw and tense as his eyes remained on the reptilians. I watched too, gripping my axe and ready to kill as many as needed, heart thundering in my chest. But just as one snake tried to get inside the water, it hissed out loudly and retreated, the others following suit. No snake got inside the water, it tried though, but it jumped back as if they were electrocuted by it. I felt all power leave my body as I crumbled to my knees, steadying myself on my hands as my stomach felt like turning upside down, about to empty its contents. Our pants were loud in the small clearing, the water flow calming despite the retreating hisses of the snakes. It was eery to hear them in the distance, and my body shuddered as I remembered it slithering up my leg.

“Fucking hell,” I muttered under my breath, looking up at Mingi and Yunho. Yunho was still sitting, his eyes staring out into nothing as Mingi had moved to sit on a rock, his plump lips swollen and his eyes filled with tears. It made my eyebrows furrow as I tried to calm my body and mind, but it was hard when dread seemed to have taken its residence inside my body, inside my mind. My jaw clenched as I shakily stood again, eyebrows furrowing, “How did you know?”

Mingi and Yunho looked at me, probably surprised by my feeble voice. I hated it, but I ignored it as my glare burned into Mingi’s face. His eyebrows furrowed, but he shrugged, “I guess I just—I’ve heard it somewhere? I just—it just felt like the right thing to do.”

“So, you didn’t know.” I huffed, closing my eyes as my body continued trembling from the lingering adrenaline in my system.

“Yeah, maybe—but we’re alive, we’re—fine.” Mingi’s voice got quiet as my eyes snapped open, fixating on him. I scoffed, snarling at him.

“We’re fine?” I questioned, feeling the heat rise into my cheeks due to anger, “We’re alive?”

“Yeah, we—”

“No,” I hissed, grabbing my axe tightly for stability, to ground myself, “I am alive because Yunho came back, because he saved me. What were you doing, huh, Mingi? Saving yourself, that’s what you were doing, I’ll tell you.”

Mingi gulped, his eyebrows furrowing as he glanced at Yunho briefly, “I was just…trying to find the creak. I knew you’d follow me, I—”

“So much for being a team, huh?” I chuckled but it was humourless, “Is this what you did with Katniss, too?”

Mingi froze, eyes slightly widening as a hurt expression crossed his face. I heard Yunho exhale sharply but I was focused on Mingi, my eyes narrowing as he continued avoiding eye contact. My heart was still racing but for different reasons now, I could hear the gears in my head turn, twisting my thoughts and whispering at me that I was right all along. Mingi and Yunho weren’t my allies, they were my enemies and they were trying to lure me further and further away from other possible tributes that could maybe help me if I needed it. I scoffed, feeling my skin burn underneath my suit.

“Tell me, Mingi, did Katniss really push you into the lake?” I raised my eyebrows, watching as the guy’s eyebrows furrowed some more, “Or did you jump in because you were planning on betraying her at some point, huh?”

“Y/N,” Yunho hissed, abruptly standing up, “stop talking to him like that, what are you even saying? Do you hear yourself right now? How delusional do you sound?”

I chuckled, turning around to face Yunho as Mingi remained unmoving, frozen, dark eyes staring into the water as his hands clenched and unclenched, “Really, now, Yunho? I am delusional? I didn’t even want to team up with you two, you forced me into an alliance with you and Mingi and look where it got us! We both could’ve died out there while Mingi ran for his life! Did you forget what he’s done to his allies in the past—”

“Shut up.” Mingi snapped, standing up from his rock, jaw clenched and eyes ablaze with anger. He was breathing hard and his height was intimidating, looming over my shorter build as he approached me rapidly, “You don’t know shit about why I did that, Y/N. They were going to kill me that night, I heard them talking about it. I wasn’t going to sit around and wait for it to happen!”

I paused, licking my lips as I shook my head in disbelief, “And do you think at some point Yunho and I won’t turn against you? Do you think we won’t try to kill you?”

“We won’t.” Yunho hissed as he came closer too, his cheeks flushed and his expression conveying the simmering rage he must’ve felt underneath his skin. Yunho was rarely angry, but when he was, his voice thundered and his eyes turned sharp, lips pulled back in a snarl that was both frightening and almost comical, “Because I didn’t come here to kill anyone. We are getting out alive, but we have to find the others first.”

My jaw clenched as I looked between the two, shaking my head as I felt disappointment lick at my insides, somehow disheartened by their naivety. We weren’t going home, not all of us would survive, why could they not understand that finally?

“Are you fucking making fun of me, right now?” I said, voice hard as I looked at Yunho, “What games are you two playing, huh?! You’re insane if you think I’ll stay here with the two of you for one more second—”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Yunho hissed, stepping so close I had to crane my neck back to be able to look him in the eyes. My jaw clenched as I felt the axe slip from my fingers and I scoffed, raising my eyebrows tauntingly. The heavy weapon made a splashing sound once it collided with the water, and I could feel Mingi’s anxiety radiating off himself, his eyes watching us carefully, fingers curling around the edge of his hunting knife. I gulped, very aware that I was at a great disadvantage if the two decided to attack me right now, there were few chances I’d make it out alive. But even so, I would fight until my last breath, they couldn’t take me down that easily.

“Mingi is very clearly trying to kill me, why else would he separate me from Finnick? And the fact that you’re standing here and defending your good old buddy just proves to me that you are in on it too, Yunho. You didn’t even let me try and look for Finnick, you just dragged me away.” My heart was beating fast as my voice had started rising. Yunho looked a mixture of hurt and confused as his jaw clenched, not once looking away. I couldn’t see Mingi from my spot, but I could feel his gaze burn into the side of my head, “And the fact that he would’ve left me there for the snakes proves my point that he gives zero shit about me—and maybe about you too, Yunho, because he didn’t even think about coming to help you out. So maybe next time reconsider who your true friends are before making allegiances. If you want to kill me, come at me now.”

“Nobody is trying to kill you—” It was Mingi who spoke, sounding exasperated, “We are a team, I didn’t stop because I didn’t realize you two weren’t following me anymore. And when I finally did, I fucking turned back around and came running to help, but you had already figured it out! Do you think I wanted to separate from Katniss? The only person besides Yunho that I know and trust?! No, I didn’t fucking want to! She pushed me into the lake to save me and I freaking lost sight of her! Do you think I’m not trying to find her? Do you think I want to win these fucking Games again just to be tormented some more and more by Snow, by the memories and all the trauma?! I want to fucking die, Y/N, I hate my life and I hate myself. So killing you is the last thing on my mind, okay?!”

Something broke in my heart at how broken Mingi sounded, the way his tear-filled eyes just spilt down his cheeks, wetting them and making his eyes even redder. He was sniffing as he rubbed at his nose with the sleeve of his jacket, looking hurt and betrayed. I gulped, feeling torn between my own thoughts. I wanted to trust them, I really did, but what if they were just trying to soften me up with sob stories? What if it was all a ploy to get me to trust them, only for them to kill me? I wouldn’t put it past Mingi, and neither Yunho, we were in the Hunger Games after all and it wasn’t about forming bonds and long-lasting relationships, it was about survival, it was about killing until the strongest one was last standing. I shook my head, chewing on my bottom lip as I averted my eyes, looking up at Yunho with conflict, but knowing that I had already made my decision. I couldn’t stay with them, not when I distrusted them so much.

“It makes no sense to turn against each other,” Yunho spoke softly despite the anger still displayed on his features. He gulped and licked his lips, wanting to touch my cheek but he must’ve seen something on my face because he dropped his hand last minute, “Y/N, please just think rationally for a second and trust us. I don’t—I could never harm you, I just—I want all of us to go home and—I don’t know, but don’t do this. We will find both Katniss and Finnick, that’s what I’m trying to do, okay? But it’s hard tracking them down in this forest, we—”

“I’m not going with you anymore.” I cut Yunho’s rambling off, my jaw set tight as I released a sigh, stepping back to put distance between our bodies. Yunho and Mingi looked confused for a second, glancing at each other uncertainly, “And you have harmed me before, Yunho, but it seems like you wiped it all from your memory. It’s sweet really, I wish I could’ve too.”

Yunho’s mouth parted in shock, hand reached out but I raised mine, shaking my head, “I’ll find Finnick on my own, you two find Katniss and play besties with her, I guess. Just don’t—don’t cross my path because I won’t spare you, I can promise you that.”

Yunho’s eyebrows furrowed and he tried to reach for me again but Mingi held his shoulder, his jaw set tight. I grabbed my axe out of the water and took a deep breath, looking at the two for a long second before turning my back to them and rushing away from the creak, down the pathway we had explored earlier today. My jaw was tight and my muscles tense as I kept walking and walking, mind spinning as I concentrated hard to catch even the slightest shift around myself.

I had to put distance between myself and the other two, otherwise it wouldn’t be safe.

            Three days had passed since I left Yunho and Mingi behind. I had no success finding Finnick thus far and being alone in the Arena was getting to me. I couldn’t sleep as nobody had my back while I did so, hunting was slightly harder as it took more time than with others to help, and I also had to be constantly on the lookout for the traps the Gamemakers would send my way. I was struggling, but I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel more relaxed on my own than I did with Yunho and Mingi by my side. I couldn’t trust them and it was driving me crazy. Yunho was supposed to be the last one to keep watch but he had accidentally fallen asleep, leaving us defenceless. He was incompetent and I could put my life into the hands of a person who couldn’t as much as stay awake to make sure no one killed us in our sleep. Alone, without anyone to keep watch, I couldn’t exactly sleep, but I had fallen into a light slumber more than once. Climbing the trees to shelter myself from others for the night seemed like a reasonable thing to do, having learned it from Katniss as she had done the same last year in her Games.

The small fire I managed to conjure up by the spot I had claimed as my campsite was small and it crackled as I had waited for the frog to grill so that I could have dinner. Walking away from Yunho and Mingi also meant no support from the Capitol, and I wasn’t surprised when nobody sent me any gifts, not even a soothing balm after I had accidentally fallen into poison ivy. My skin was itchy and I tried to stop myself from scratching it raw, but it was hard when I had nothing to do but stay attuned to the sounds of the forests and watch out for anything that seemed misplaced. Yesterday, I was forced to kill two more tributes when they tried to take over my campsite, taunting me and laughing in my face, until I had decapitated the male tribute with just two swings. The two were the siblings from District 1, the Capitol’s most beloved victors after Finnick Odair, of course. It didn’t surprise me that nobody sent me gifts, given that I had just killed two people they seemed to really love. Without dwelling too much on what was already done, I continued searching for Finnick.

The forest felt huge and never-ending, and it felt like we were on different ends of Panem despite being enclosed inside a limited space. I was doing what I had been doing for the past three days when I suddenly heard leaves rustling behind me. I didn’t pause nor walk faster, I continued as if I hadn’t heard anything, trying to see if someone was following me—or something—or whether it was just the breeze that would blow through the Arena at times. I had opted not to go uphill anymore as I had a suspicion that Yunho and Mingi would continue searching for another cave to claim as theirs, unless it was infested with poisonous snakes once again. I gripped my axe tighter as I heard twigs snapping to my left, just behind some bushes. My steps halted and my head turned to look towards where the sound came from. I didn’t move, I didn’t breathe as my eyes bore into the trunk of a tree, narrowing when I saw something shift. I gulped and squared my shoulders back, ready to fight another tribute if needed. To be fair, I preferred the tributes over whatever mutants the Gamemakers had prepared for us, they were easier to kill and predictable, unlike the animals that shouldn’t even exist.

I took a step towards where the noise came from, but another twig snapped just behind me, making me whirl around. I couldn’t panic right now or else I’d lose my cool and make mistakes, which weren’t affordable here, especially since I was completely on my own. I gulped and narrowed my eyes, listening closely to the quietest of shifts, my eyes widening when I saw a head duck back behind the tree to my right. Was I surrounded? Who were these people? Did Yunho and Mingi find me? Did they have another ally to replace me?

I gulped, raising my axe to my chest as my jaw clenched, eyes trained on the tree where someone was hiding behind. But when I felt someone move past behind me, I was forced to whirl around and hurl my axe at—nothing. My heart was beating fast in my chest as my eyebrows furrowed, muscles tense as my axe fell to the forest floor, whoever passed behind me faster than my axe. I gulped and swiftly ran to get my axe, but paused just as my fingertips were about to reach it. Someone was breathing heavily to my right, behind a large tree, and with shaky fingers I grabbed the axe and stood up straight, pulling my arm back to swing it at whoever was taunting me.

“Come out!” I screamed, my jaw clenched as I firmly planted my feet on the ground. My chest fell and rose quickly as my eyes narrowed when I saw movement from behind the tree again.

“Y/N?” And just like that, I froze. My muscles didn’t turn more tense, instead, it felt like my whole body was a puddle as my mouth fell open, and my heart almost stopped in my chest, “I’m scared.”

I gasped loudly, my axe slipping from my grasp as my knees shook, mind reeling in disbelief. This couldn’t be happening, she—my little sister was dead. But her fragile voice called out again, shaking with fear, and I didn’t think as I sprinted towards the tree, desperate to catch a glimpse of her. How was she here? Had President Snow tricked me into believing my family was dead? I had never seen their bodies, after all, only their headstones upon my arrival to District 7, and I felt like fainting the more I thought about them being alive all this time.

“Ye-Yena?” My voice cracked as my fingers trembled just as I was about to round the tree. But my little sister whispered again, from a different spot this time, and I turned towards her voice again, hurrying over, “Where are you, Yena, please come out!”

My voice was breathy as tears obscured my vision, and I was on the verge of hysteria as I tried to find her, but she was always in some other spot, “Yena!”

I was panting from both adrenaline and fear as I tried to grab after my sister when she dashed from behind another tree, crying out in frustration. But I froze when a tall frame materialized in front of me, eyes dark and sharp, a contrast to Yena’s soft features.

“Jaebom?” My older brother didn’t move nor say anything as we stared into each other’s eyes, the first tears spilling down my cheeks as I sprung forward helplessly, my arms circling his torso, which was cold to the touch, “Jaebom, what’s happening?!”

But he didn’t answer me as more tears streamed down my cheeks, fingers grabbing onto his t-shirt tightly, shaking his unmoving body when he remained unresponsive, “Jaebom!”

And then, I heard a sinister cackle come from behind Jaebom, eerily similar to Yena’s childlike giggles. I untangled myself from Jaebom and looked past his shoulders, eyes widening when I saw Yena twirl my axe around in her hands as if it were made out of plastic. Her face looked ashen as she smirked, pouting her lips at me mockingly as my eyes shook. Her expression looked nothing like my little sister's. I didn’t understand what was happening anymore. Why were my siblings here, and why were they acting unlike themselves?

“Look at you,” Yena’s voice wasn’t light anymore, instead it was an angry snarl, “Living your happy life, rubbing it in our faces right now. What are you crying for, huh? Are you crying because you have to kill people again, like you’ve killed us?”

“What?” I whispered in confusion, flinching when Jaebom suddenly grabbed my bicep, his touch hot and burning, “I don’t understand—”

“You never do,” Jaebom snapped, and I whined as he started gripping my bicep painfully, “You always thought you were better than all of us, look where that got you. You’re just a pathetic excuse of a human being, everyone is ashamed of you. Mom and dad think you should’ve died instead of us, and now, you will die!”

In my confusion, too focused on the ache in my heart, I almost missed the huge knife Jaebom grabbed out of his belt, aiming it towards my heart. I gasped and punched him in the jaw, jumping away from him, “What are you doing—”

“Die, bitch.” Yena hissed as she took off towards me, making me scream in fright when she tried to lodge my own axe into my body. I was panting as I realized my siblings were trying to kill me, and without wasting another second, I pushed Yena to the ground and took off in a sprint, running away mindlessly as I could hear them pursuing me. My heart was beating like crazy in my chest as my siblings made weird noises, they were almost howling, and they sounded like animals. I couldn’t look back, too afraid that I’d lose my footing again, so I was forced to blindly run from them, making sharp twists and turns in hopes of losing them. But my worst nightmare seemed to materialize in front of me, as suddenly, I started seeing my mother's and father’s faces from behind trees, peeking at me with sinister smiles on their faces, cackling loudly as Jaebom hurled his long knife at me. I was lucky enough to take a right turn as he did so, the knife lodging itself into a tree as I gasped, eyes filling with tears again.

“Why are you doing this?!” I screamed as something suddenly burned my arm, and as I looked to my right, I was horrified to see my mother running alongside me, her hand burning into my arm as she had a wicked smile on her lips, “Stop!”

“You’re coming with us this time, daughter.” It was my father who was suddenly standing by the creak, holding a sword in both of his hands as I tried to steer clear of his path, but my mother’s grip was unnaturally strong and she kept dragging me towards it. I screamed and trashed around, feeling suffocated as my mother continued to cackle, my father’s eyes filled with hatred as he angled his sword so that he could gut me alive. I was a sobbing mess as I struggled to free myself, trashing around, and even trying to punch my mother but nothing seemed to work. I could feel Jaebom looming over me from behind, the heel of my own axe pressing into my back as I cried harder, whimpering when Yena appeared next to my father, twirling a knife in her hands.

“Poor Y/N.” Her voice dropped low, almost as if it was a man talking, and it made me realize that whatever was happening right now wasn’t real. It was something created by the Arena, it wasn’t their ghosts nor their vengeful spirits here to take me away, and yet, I still couldn’t fight my mother’s grip off as I clawed at her hand, biting her cold flesh in hopes that she’d release me.

“Let me go!” I screamed again, twisting my body away when my father’s sword came dangerously close, Jaebom’s burning grip tight on my nape as he angled my body to be strung on the sword, “No!”

I didn’t want to die, not like this. I was shaking from head to toe as I tried one last time to get out of the grip of my mother and brother, but nothing was working as I felt the tip of the sword press against my belly. The four cackled loudly as my ears rang, and I gasped when the sword pressed deeper into my tummy, drawing blood, but all the external pain disappeared abruptly as I felt my body pushed to the side aggressively, wrenching me out of the tight grips of the mutants that posed as my family. I screamed again when I felt hands on my shoulders trying to turn me around, and I drew my fists back, the only thought in my mind being to harm anyone who touched me.

“Y/N!” Despite being so lost in my mind, I registered the familiar ring of the voice, the panic and fear in them as I threw the first punch, breathing hard and loudly as if I were a rabid dog. I wouldn’t fall victim to the Capitol, not like this, they couldn’t kill me by using mutants. I couldn’t give Snow the satisfaction, I had to fight until my last breath, until a tribute killed me. I couldn’t go like this, I wasn’t ready. I was scared. I was alone and nobody would be there with me when I took my last breath, nobody would reassure me that it would be okay, and nobody would smile at me for the last time. I would be alone, and that thought alone was scarier than the fact that I would be dying. So I didn’t stop as I screamed and punched blindly, my sight hazy and my mind a jumbled mess as someone continued calling out my name like a mantra, the sounds around me slowly registering inside my brain, “Y/N! Please, please, it’s us. Y/N, it’s Finnick.”

I gasped, my eyes widening as if I was seeing for the first time. My lungs burned, my muscles ached, and my heart was beating so fast I was having palpitations as suddenly I could see the person standing in front of me, his face pained as tears streaked down his rosy cheeks. He had me in a deathly grip, my biceps sore from it, but it wasn’t to harm me, it was to stop me from doing anything to myself or him, to the others, “Finnick?”

A beat of silence passed as I stared into chocolate-warm eyes, so utterly confused and pent. Then, an arrow wheezed past my head and I jumped with a gasp, wide eyes falling onto the body of my brother, no blood flowing out of his body as he crumbled to the ground. He looked lifeless as he turned into nothing and I felt my bottom lip starting to quiver as I looked back at the person holding me. I had no fight left in me as I attempted to push them off of me, but I was tackled to the ground before I could make another move. The wind was knocked from my lungs as my head thumped painfully, eyes hazy as a weight settled on top of my body, pinning my hips to the cold forest floor, hands above my head as long, cold, fingers intertwined with mine.

“It’s not real.” The man holding me down whispered, his voice shaky as he gulped, “They weren’t real, Y/N. But I am real, I’m here now.”

“Yun-Yunho?” I stuttered, my throat hoarse from having screamed so much. I felt a fresh wave of tears spring into my eyes as Yunho’s filled with tears too, and without thinking, I untangled our fingers and threw my arms around his neck, yanking him down into a tight hug, “Yunho.”

My whole body shook as sobs wracked it, tears wetting Yunho’s jacket’s collar as his warm body slowly melted into mine, offering me the warmth I had been craving so much all this time. His musky scent was comforting and felt like home as I buried my head into his neck, inhaling until my lungs burned and I had to exhale once again. Yunho was safe, he was the pillar I needed all this time unknowingly, he was the one to chase the darkness away and protect me from my own dark and twisted mind. I only cried harder when Yunho started shushing me, pressing kisses against my temple, rubbing my back once he sat back and brought me with himself, letting me settle in his lap as I clung to him. I had been terrified these past three days, scared for my own life, but also wondering whether Yunho had made it past another day every time the canon shattered the quietness of the Arena.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, voice raw as I gulped, hoping it would help, “Yunho, I’m—I—”

“Shh, it’s alright.” Yunho whispered, gently prying my tight grip off himself as he pushed me back to gaze into my eyes, “I’m not letting you out of my sight ever again, Y/N, I don’t care what you say—”

“Please don’t leave me, Yunho.” I gasped, words tumbling past my lips before I could stop them, “I can’t live without you, Yunho.”

I was vulnerable, I wasn’t in the right headspace, but I knew my confession was true. I had always suspected it, but I was too afraid to admit it to myself. I was afraid President Snow would kill Yunho like he had killed my family. I didn’t want him around because I was scared to love again, to offer my heart to someone who could crush it so easily both with words and actions. Yunho knew me best and vice versa, I couldn’t live another day not knowing whether he was safe or not. I didn’t want him out of my sight ever again, I just couldn’t lose him too.

“I’m—” Yunho gulped, his voice deep as his eyes shook, jaw clenched tightly, “here.”

I released a shaky breath and leaned forward, pressing our foreheads together, feeling the safest in the past three days. The rustling of leaves made me tense up again and my head whipped around, eyes widening when I realized multiple people were watching us. I felt my cheeks heat up as I tried to scramble out of Yunho’s lap, but his fingers only tightened into the fabric of my jacket and he held my waist tightly, shaking his head at me when I gave him a sharp look. It seemed like he wouldn’t let go of me anytime soon, so I was forced to swallow my shame as I looked back at the other tributes, who seemed to be looking at me with pity. I ignored it, it made me feel weak.

“Those things are vile,” Mingi muttered, his jaw clenched, “But you should be fine the next time you see them if you ignore them.”

“And if you don’t, don’t let them grab you.” Katniss said, her tone harsh but features soft, “Kill them before they can.”

I nodded, eyes falling on the male tribute from District 3, Beetee. He wasn’t looking at me, his eyes trained on the sky as he muttered something to himself, apparently unphased by the whole ordeal. However, when my eyes landed on the fourth person, my heart skipped a beat, and even if Yunho didn’t want to release me, I pried myself out of his arms and ran to Finnick, jumping into his arms as he laughed while twirling me around.

“Finnick.” I whispered into his neck as his laughter subsided into a chuckle, his smile bright as ever as I pulled back, gazing into his beautiful blue eyes, “I found you.”

“Technically, I found you.” Cheeky as ever, he winked before he pressed a wet kiss against my forehead, lowering me back onto the ground. Our fingers intertwined as I couldn’t help but beam at him, my heart still heavy due to everything that’s happened though, “I’m glad you’re fine.”

“Well, I’ve been better.” I muttered as Finnick and I chuckled, swinging around hands as I glanced around, eyebrows furrowing, “Where’s…Mags?”

Finnick’s expression fell and I knew as I felt tears flood my eyes once again. A shaky breath left his lips as I pressed on my tiptoes to pull him into a tight and warm hug, rubbing his back as he hugged me back just as tightly, “I’m sorry, Finnick.”

“She’s in a better place now,” Finnick whispered, sniffing when we pulled apart, his eyes trained on the ground. My jaw clenched but I knew I couldn’t do anything now, just carry the grief with myself and bury it deep down until the Games would be over. Katniss, looking like she wasn’t keen on all the affection, averted her eyes and looked around the forest, pointing towards the creak.

“We should probably set camp here after we have scoped the area out.” Mingi nodded as he went and helped Yunho stand, his eyes trained on Finnick and me. I gulped and only looked away, body tense. I didn’t want to talk to him, I had nothing else to say, not now. I couldn’t believe I had admitted something so personal, something that was supposed to be buried deep down in my heart and mind. I wasn’t ready to face the fact that without Yunho I would be nowhere right now.

“Let’s go.” Yunho sighed, taking the lead with Katniss as I remained glued to Finnick’s side, eager to catch up with him if it meant I could ignore Yunho and his burning stare. I was most certainly grateful that he had saved me, but he was still not someone I could fully trust. Maybe it was all a ploy, an act to earn my trust, only to backstab me later into the Games.

My only true ally was Finnick.

            Something felt different, weird, almost. Beetee was a genius, everyone already knew that, and yet the way his mind works still amazed me. Apparently, the lightning that struck the largest tree in the Arena each time at midnight, could be used to our advantage. Beetee had the resources to create a sort of electrical fire that would leave the Gamemakers no choice but to rescue the remaining victors if they didn’t want the Capitol to riot for not having a victor for the 75th Hunger Games. President Snow wanted a year of epic games? Beetee was right here to deliver and I was more than willing to help him out. Everyone from our small group was in on his plan, and we were planning to strike tonight as everyone remained unassuming about our great plan. There was something else, however, that nobody was telling me about. Katniss Everdeen, the girl on fire, The Mockingjay, seemed to be the nucleus of it all. She had to be protected at all costs and she was supposed to remain on Beetee’s side as long as someone who could fight remained with them. We had to look out for each other and remain close, but I didn’t fully understand why protecting Katniss seemed to be our most important mission.

Nobody tried clearing up my confusion, and when Finnick reassured me that everything would be alright and that he’d have my back no matter what, I decided to stop asking or wondering. Two days had passed since I joined the small group and things had been quiet—a bit too quiet. Nobody had died in the past two days and there was a simmering tension in the Arena, as if the Gamemakers knew we were about to ruin their so-called ‘perfect’ Games. There was nothing perfect about it, it was purely terrifying and torturous, a barbaric form of entertainment as this just proved that the Capitol didn’t see the people from the districts as human beings. That was nothing new, but being forced back into the Arena made me realize once again that I couldn’t let President Snow control me anymore, I was done playing his games.

I wanted the Capitol to burn, I wanted President Snow to die and suffer like so many of us had under his reign. He could’ve been a better president, a better person, but he chose violence, he chose to punish us for something that we, the ones born after the revolution, had nothing to do with. The cycle of life wasn’t always fair, the trauma parents carried with themselves would pass onto their children, who would carry it with them for generations—unless there was just one person who decided to put an end to it. To change, to prosper, to start a new cycle.

That new cycle started with us, with Katniss, Mingi, Yunho, Finnick, Beetee, and me, here, in the Arena, as a form of riot against the oppression we were forced to endure, the pain and grief buried deep in our souls. I have heard about the riots, people in District 7 were loud and proud about taking the Capitol down if given a chance, and it only took me two days to realize why it was only happening now. A spark had been sensed, turning into a catching fire that would reach us all, either burn us or help us return from the ashes as a new person, as a new nation. The pain and anguish would never be forgotten, instead celebrated and honoured in respect to those who have lost their lives to such atrocities. And we would all thank one girl, Katniss Everdeen, who unknowingly gave the nation the spark of hope they desperately needed. I had no idea whether I’d survive whatever was about to go down tonight, but I was sure of one thing, I wouldn’t regret it. Not now, not tomorrow. I was doing it for myself, for my siblings, for my parents, and for everyone else who has suffered as much, or more, than I have. If Panem had to burn, President Snow would burn with us.

The morning passed by in the blink of an eye as we went over our plan once again, assigning partners and positions. I was supposed to stay with Katniss and Beetee, close to Finnick who’d be watching Mingi from afar. Yunho, who refused to separate from me at first, was supposed to go with Mingi until a certain point, and then he’d have to secure the area, map it out and alert us if anything seemed amiss. He’d be the last one, the one furthest from me, and despite the unsettling feeling creeping deep in my guts, I ignored my anxiety and focused on my task at hand. I had to protect Katniss and Beetee if anything were to happen. I was strong and merciless, everyone knew I could handle myself, but if I needed help somehow, then Katniss would be there and even Mingi. They weren’t people I trusted, but something told me nobody in our small group was out there to kill me…not yet, at least, and I could live with that for the time being.

Knowing that we’d need to be at our best, Finnick, Katniss, and Yunho went out to hunt something for lunch so that our bellies would be full for the rest of the day. Because Yunho and Finnick were so liked by many, thankfully we were also provided with various canned foods from the Capitol, their fans were desperately sending in supplies, and letters too, confessing their love and dread that they might not return. It made me chuckle whenever one of them had to read the letters out loud, looking at a camera with a sad, but grateful, expression in order to keep up the façade. We really needed these provisions, they couldn’t ruin their A-game just now. Finnick had returned with plenty of fish from the lake, meanwhile, Katniss and Yunho had opted to hunt for wild ducks and frogs. The meat had been cooked by Mingi and me while Beetee revised the plan over and over again, asking us questions to make sure that we had memorized what we were supposed to do.

Once the food was done and everyone settled down for lunch, the tense air surrounding us seemed to dissipate as we silently ate our meal, relishing in the comradery that’s formed between us. Finnick was by my side as we sat leaning against a tree, sharing a loaf of bread he had gotten from a fan, as he preferred to eat the fish he caught while I continued to eat the frog Yunho had caught for us. Mingi, very surprisingly, had gotten a package filled with nutrients that we hadn’t even heard of before, and while we were wary of consuming them, Beetee reassured us that he knew what these were and that they were safe for consumption as they used the same nutrients in District 3. As my stomach was finally full and I finished eating everything I had claimed, I continued sitting next to Finnick, leaning against his body.

He was warm and smelled like the ocean despite having been away from it for so long, and I had always found solace in the silence that felt comfortable between us. Finnick knew when not to push someone, and I knew when to speak up to cut through the tranquillity, “Do you think we’ll survive this?”

“Yes,” Finnick’s voice was a mere whisper as he scoped up a good chunk of meat and handed it over to me, “I must, for Annie. She lost Mags, I can’t let her lose me too.”

I gulped, all too aware of Annie’s situation as I accepted the fish despite feeling full. It tasted salty almost, so very different from the frog meat, but I think I could get used to it after having it for more meals.

“I have no one to return to,” I muttered under my breath, bringing my knees up to my chest as I let my arms circle them. I gulped, looking down at the dirty ground as the sounds of the other’s conversing became background noise, my mind preoccupied with thoughts of dying, of being alone, of never having been enough.

“That’s simply not true.” Finnick’s voice sounded strained as I felt him shift, gorgeous blue eyes boring into the side of my head, “You have me, and if I make it out alive, I can’t lose you. You’re just as important to me as Annie is, as Mags was. I never had a little sister, but thanks to you I know what it means to have one.”

I chuckled, turning my head so my cheek pressed against my knees, eyes falling on the frown on Finnick’s face, “Technically, I’m older than you. But I understand you, you’re, well, you’ve always been like a brother to me. And I love you, Finnick, I hope you know that. I have no idea what the outcome of our plan will be, but if we both make it out alive, I want to visit District 4. I want to meet Annie and maybe—maybe I’d like living in a house next to yours, maybe I’d like to see the ocean for real and not just through pictures.”

Finnick’s features softened as he placed his palm over my cheek, warm and calloused, offering me much-needed assurance, “I’d love that, and Annie would too. She has always wanted to meet you, but President Snow never allowed it. Which is for the better, honestly, I would’ve hated the thought of Annie at the Capitol. I fear I would’ve done something unforgivable.”

I hummed and nodded as Finnick’s warm palm fell from my face, his head turning as he gazed ahead. He sniffed and then cleared his throat, glancing at me for a brief moment, “But you’re not alone, Y/N. Even if I’m not there, you’re never alone. He’s—Yunho is always there, even when you don’t see it, Y/N. I think—I think you should let him in, he’s not a bad man.”

I gulped, stomach dropping at the mention of Yunho, and I sighed as I sat up straight again, jaw clenching when I averted my eyes from Finnick’s. Just to my luck, however, I spotted Yunho sitting not too far from us. Mingi was sharpening the axe for him as Yunho’s chocolate brown eyes were fixed on Finnick and me, his eyebrows deeply set and his jaw tense. I gulped and then averted my eyes once again, shaking my head with a huff, “He doesn’t know me, not the real me, at least. He only wants the good and pretty, he only sees those qualities in people. Once the perfect image is shattered, he’ll be gone, he’ll abandon me. I don’t want him to lodge himself into my heart when I know just how quickly you can lose someone.”

“You’re scared of loving him,” Finnick’s tone was full of compassion as I felt him look at me, Yunho’s gaze still burning into the side of my head as I gazed off into the distance, feeling nervous all of a sudden, “And you’re drowning in guilt and unspoken questions and feelings, Y/N. I know you don’t trust him, but you already love him, you just refuse to acknowledge the fact, and it’s doing you no good, trust me. I’m afraid too that I’ll lose Annie, I’m terrified of Snow snatching her away from me, but if I refuse to love and live the life I want, then that would mean I am letting Snow dictate my everything, it would mean that I am robbing myself of the pleasures of life. And you know Yunho would never do anything that you are uncomfortable with, no, he’d bring down the stars for you if he could, Y/N. Stop being foolish and—”

“Excuse me.” My body grew rigid as Yunho’s stern voice interrupted Finnick’s heartfelt speech, “Do you mind if I talk to Y/N?”

“Not at all.” Finnick’s smile was friendly as he nudged me, making me clench my jaw as I glanced at Yunho. He stood in front of me, looking down at me with a glare, rather standoffish for a person who was always smiling, happy and oh-so bright. I crossed my arms over my chest and raised an eyebrow.

“Well, talk if you—”

“In private.” Yunho snapped, and before I could react, his firm grip around my bicep was pulling me up to my feet, not even letting me argue as I was tugged away from our camp, but not too far so that we’d be in hearing range if anything were to happen to either them or to us. I pulled my arm out of his grip and glared at him, feeling nervous for no reason as Yunho continued to glare back at me. It was unusual, out of character for him.

“What’s your problem with me?” I did not expect that question, and neither what he said next, “What’s so fucking horrible about me that you go willingly into the arms of the biggest playboy known to Panem, that you find solace and trust in that man when I’ve always been by your side, there for you, offering you a shoulder to lean on, a man you can trust and—and love. What does Finnick have that I don’t, Y/N?! Why do you continuously brush me off and treat me like shit, but then you laugh at anything Finnick says and you look at him with so much adoration, I-I just don’t understand, Y/N. I was there, I was always there, I helped you when you saw no outcome, I was there when you grieved your family, I was there when you struggled with the consequences of winning the Games, I was there even when you continued to push me away! I never stopped trying to make you feel safe, to comfort you and to—show you that it’s okay to open up and that you can love again without being scared of death. Why can’t you just—give back even just a little fraction of my affection?!”

To say that I was stunned was understandable. My face fell in shock and my mouth hung open as Yunho became erratic, his expression a mixture of frustration and helplessness as his eyes shook, his hands curled into fists. I gulped, letting his words settle so that I could answer, but I felt utterly speechless. How was I supposed to respond to something that felt like a confession but a complete scolding as well?

“You don’t understand me like Finnick does,” I gulped, licking my lips as Yunho’s eyebrows furrowed, “And you never will, Yunho, because you were never forced to sell your body unwillingly to men that only saw you as a piece of meat. Physical closeness, intimacy—it scares me because I’ve only suffered from it. I’ve never felt the loving touch of a man, no loving words were ever uttered to me, and I was told more often than not that I didn’t deserve love, that I was too rough and scary, too intimidating and manly for a man to love me despite being beautiful. Finnick, he knows what it feels like to be used, to do things you don’t want to out of fear of losing someone. And even if this wasn’t the issue, Yunho, how could I trust you when you’ve tried to kill me?”

“What?” Yunho seemed shaken, his voice breathy as he reached out just to let his hand drop before he could grip my wrist, “What are you talking about—I have never tried to kill you, why would I—”

“Seriously?” I snapped, sudden anger flaring deep in my bones, “You’re still going to act clueless when I call you out on it? Think, Yunho, think for one second for fucks sake! You were supposed to be my mentor, the person that looks out for me, that protects me and helps me win these fucking Games, yet you send in food that’s poisoned?!”

Yunho looked like he had no idea what I was talking about and I scoffed, stepping closer to him as my jaw clenched, “District 6, the female tribute, I was cornered three days before my Games came to an end, and I was hungry. You sent me a package but I couldn’t reach it and it landed between the tributes that were hounding me. The girl decided to eat what was sent for me—she died in four minutes, Yunho.”

And just then, recognition finally flashed in Yunho’s eyes, but it didn’t last for long as suddenly he seemed to look desperate, grabbing my wrists as he shook his head, “It wasn’t food, it was never food, Y/N. If you had seen the small letter, you would’ve known it was poison from the get-go. It said, ‘sweet like honey’, and you know what we use that for in District 7, you would’ve known. I was trying to help you, I knew you’d survive, I was never trying to kill, why would I—I’m in love with you, Y/N. I wasn’t back then yet, but I-I knew I couldn’t watch you die in that Arena.”

My mind was reeling. I gulped, suddenly feeling my lungs constrict as Yunho’s grip felt like it was burning my wrists. I pried them away and took a step back, gulping as my hands started shaking. I have been living in a lie this whole time. I have made myself believe that Yunho was the enemy, that Yunho wanted me gone. I took a shaky breath and gulped again, watching as sadness spread over Yunho’s features like wildfire. His features softened as I felt my heart ache more, disbelief written all over my face. Why had I been so stupid? Why did I let Snow make me believe anything he said?

Why was I so afraid to lose Yunho?

            Nightfall came sooner than before. The tension was back and I felt sick to my stomach. Something felt wrong the longer we trekked, the closer we came to the tree. Everyone was silent, focused on our surroundings and making sure we weren’t being followed by any other tributes. But something was very wrong and I just couldn’t ignore the feeling anymore as I released a shaky breath, my eyes settling on Yunho who was walking in front of me with Mingi by his side, huddled closely together as they conversed quietly. Finnick’s pinkie was laced with mine as he swung our hands between our bodies, I ignored his playful smile when he pretended to stumble on a rock. I needed to speak to Yunho, nothing made sense anymore. I haven’t said anything since he told me he never tried killing me, and Yunho was keen on offering me space as he remained by Mingi’s side, occasionally giving me a soft smile if he noticed me looking his way.

Bothered by the incessant tension in my body, the gut feeling that something would go very wrong, I marched forward and grabbed Yunho’s wrist, making him halt in surprise. Finnick glanced at us as he passed by us and then grabbed Mingi’s shoulder when he stopped to wait for us, whispering something to the taller one before Mingi walked with Finnick again. My heart was thundering in my chest as I gulped, my eyes boring into Yunho’s as it was dark in the arena, yet his chocolate brown eyes were unmistakable.

“Are you okay?” Yunho asked with a gentle tone, letting his axe drop to the ground as he stepped closer, eyebrows slightly furrowed.

“No.” I gulped, tone shaky as I glanced past Yunho, at the others who hadn’t noticed our absence yet, “Something is wrong, Yunho, I don’t have a good feeling about this. What—what if we die? Yet worse, what if the Capitol captures us and we—we never see each other again? Yunho, I—I don’t want to do this. Let’s find another way, let’s run away, let’s—”

“Y/N.” Yunho's smile was gentle as he stepped even closer, cupping my cheek with his big palm, leaning slightly down, “We can’t run away, and it’s completely normal to be scared of the unknown. I’m nervous too, but remember, we are doing this to make a statement, to show them that they can’t mess with us anymore. If Katniss manages to pull this off, we’ll be free. We’ll go home and we…we’ll see what happens next, okay?”

No, he didn’t understand. We wouldn’t go home, something just didn’t feel right. It was too dangerous, too risky, what were the odds our plan would be successful when there were other tributes still in the Arena with us?

“It just doesn’t feel right.”

“But we’re doing the right thing.”

I exhaled, jaw tense as I looked up into Yunho’s eyes, stepping closer until our chests were almost brushing together, “Then don’t let them separate us.”

“What?” Yunho’s eyebrows furrowed, his gulp audible as his fingers flexed around my wrist. I released a shaky breath and licked my lips, hesitant to touch Yunho, but I managed to grab the side of his neck, his skin soft and warm to the touch.

“Yunho, I’m asking you to stay by my side no matter what happens.” My tone was firm as he gulped, his eyes searching my face, “I can’t—I’ve been afraid, all this fucking time unknowingly, of losing you. And when we are so close to being free, of exploring whatever could be between us, I—I’m scared that Snow will find a way to snatch you away from me, so please, don’t let go of me. Don’t let me out of your sight, don’t walk away, I know I’m a horrible person, but I’m asking you to hold on just a little more and—”

“Y/N.” Yunho’s sharp tone cut my rambling off, and I gulped, on the verge of tears as I realized just how afraid I was. He didn’t say anything else as our eyes bore into each other’s, he just gulped, jaw clenched and then, he started leaning down, closer and closer, until—our lips touched.

And I don’t think I have felt euphoria like this one in my whole life before. The sounds around us seemed to become mute as my legs felt weak, my body melting into Yunho’s as I didn’t waste any more seconds and pressed up on my tiptoes, circling my arms around his shoulders to pull him incredibly close. Yunho’s lips were warm and soft despite our circumstances and I felt a shudder rake my body when his hand slowly slipped into my hair, holding the back of my head firmly as we parted for a second. His other hand grabbed my waist and as my eyes opened, I realized I wanted this. I wanted Yunho to hold me, to touch me, to kiss me. I wanted to be in his embrace and I wanted to feel his scent on me, I wanted his warmth to envelope my body, and I wanted him to shield me from this cruel world forever. Words that were heavy threatened to tumble past my lips, so instead, I closed the gap again and this time I made sure my intentions weren’t questionable, or hesitant, but full of passion and unspoken words.

Yunho was intense in everything he did, he laughed with his whole body, and he loved with his whole heart, whenever he did something, he put his all into it and his kiss was no different. His lips were demanding as they moved against mine, a little bit frantic as we were pressed by time, and even more desperate when I let my lips part for him, a silent request for him to deepen the kiss. I wanted him to know that I desired him, that it was completely fine to touch me and enjoy our actions. Yunho whimpered as he took my bottom lip between his teeth, and I felt warmth crawl all over my body, settling in my cheeks as my whole face felt like it was burning up. I had never enjoyed a kiss before in my life, but I prayed this would never end. When Yunho’s tongue finally slipped past my lips and reached my own tongue, I wished there was something to support my weight, to ground me into reality as I lost all senses, body and mind alive in a way I had never experienced before. It was careful, but it was intense and demanding, yet I didn’t feel pressured nor disgusted as saliva pooled in the corner of my mouth, fingers tangling into Yunho’s hair at his nape.

As his tongue played with mine and Yunho’s loud puffs of air hit my face, I moaned, unable to keep the sound down when I felt his fingers digging through my tight suit, fingernails leaving dents in my body. I wanted him to mark me up, I wanted him to show the whole Capitol that I was his, that no trashy man could ever again touch me, that President Snow couldn’t do to us anything anymore because we’d always have each other’s backs. I wanted Yunho’s mouth on mine for an eternity, never growing tired of him and his passionate kisses. Our noses bumped together when I tilted my head slightly more, giving Yunho more access as my heart thundered in my chest, so powerful that I could hear it in my ears. It was consuming, Yunho’s love was scary as it swallowed me whole, but I was greedy and I needed more. I had been a fool, such a fool, to deny us this feeling, this moment, this experience. It was too late to go further, even if I threw all dignity away, I knew we couldn’t, but I hoped it wasn’t too late for us. For us to have this in the future, to love and to be loved.

I gasped as we parted again. Yunho was loudly panting as his eyebrows furrowed, cupping my cheeks with both hands as his fingers dug into my skin painfully. A shuddered breath left my lips as I blinked my eyes open, gulping as I copied him, holding his cheeks tenderly as Yunho’s bottom lip quivered, nuzzling his cheek against my hold. He looked at peace, but the furrow of his eyebrows told me that he wasn’t satisfied, that he was bothered by something. In a hopeless attempt to offer him just a fraction of the comfort he’d given me throughout the years, I pressed a kiss to each eye, then to his nose, and a swift peck to his lips. It made Yunho smile as his eyes opened, shining in the dark affectionately as I felt a lump in my throat. It was scary to allow him in, but I was done hiding, I was done fearing the unknown.

“When we’re out of here,” Yunho gulped, determined as his eyes melted into mine, “I’m going to marry you.”

I would’ve gasped if I could’ve, but I was too stunned to even react as he kissed me again before we heard Mingi call out our names. We didn’t have time for this right now, but we’d have plenty in the future. I wasn’t ready to marry Yunho just yet, but with time, I was sure I’d be able to fully trust him, to give my all to him.

“Just don’t let me go,” I whispered as Yunho very reluctantly released me, our hands finding each other as our fingers intertwined, a motion I was used to but found something new in it now. It wasn’t just for show, it wasn’t just to show me that I had someone next to me, it was to seal our promise and tell me that Yunho wasn’t going anywhere.

            Beetee’s plan failed. Someone had sabotaged us, the wire had been cut, and the lightning wouldn’t bring the Arena down. We were stuck here, forced to kill each other, forced to choose between two people I loved and myself. Katniss looked frantic from my spot, I was watching her from the bush just as planned. Electricity was gathering in the air, tension filling the Arena as the lightning prepared to strike. Katniss was too close to the tree, hell, even I was too close to it, but Katniss was in danger right now and she wasn’t moving away. I could hear rustling coming from behind but it was supposed to be Finnick, I wasn’t worried about it. Just as the sky became lighter, energy crackling above our heads, Katniss did something I never thought anyone would do. She grabbed the wire and tied it to her arrow, standing up strong and tall as she pulled it back, her eyes set on the lightning that was just about to strike her. As I was about to shout her name and tackle her to save her from her insane plan, it was too late. The lightning struck as the arrow shot straight at it, the wire frying off and sizzling as a deafening boom shook the arena.

The blast was so strong that I couldn’t react before the explosion sent me flying feet away from my initial spot, my back cracking when I hit a tree. My spine tingled in pain as I fell to the ground, groaning and wheezing for air as my body trembled from the shock of the hit, panic rising in my disoriented state. I couldn’t hear as my ears were ringing, and my vision was so hazy it made me sick and unable to stand as I tried to find my footing, instantly tumbling back to the ground. Then, something even worse happened. The darkness of the Arena was slowly disappearing as the sky cracked and tore into heavy metal pieces that were plummeting straight at us. I knew I was in danger, and I knew both Yunho and Finnick were too. I pushed myself up and ignored the aching of my body as I heaved for air again, crawling on my fours towards where I knew Finnick was at. But I didn’t get any far when I was tackled back onto the ground, Mingi’s blurry face appearing above me. I panicked, trying to find my axe, but I was so powerless that it was easy for him to get on top of me and press a hand against my mouth as I tried to scream for help. His forehead was bloody and the top of his suit torn, jacket long lost somewhere in the Arena. His bow and arrow were missing and were replaced with a knife he held menacingly.

I gasped against his sweaty palm when I felt a sharp pain in my lower arm, close to my veins, somewhere close to where the tracker had been injected. I screamed against Mingi’s palm when the knife was twisted into my skin, feeling warm blood trickle down to my wrist and hands, a burning feeling spreading up my arm, to my shoulders. And then, as fast as he came, Mingi was gone, running off into the distance as my body convulsed, shaking even more as I turned onto my back, pieces of the Arena’s roof shaking the ground as they fell around the forest. I was petrified, I was disoriented and my throat wouldn’t work as I tried to call for Yunho, frantically getting up to my feet to look for him. I stumbled into every possible tree and almost slipped on the weeds as I went downhill, searching for the one man who’s always been there for me. I couldn’t abandon him, not now, not ever. But when I finally found him, it wasn’t the way I hoped to be.

Yunho lay on the ground, unmoving and sickly pale as blood trickled down the corner of his mouth, coating the collar of his jacket and suit a deep red. I could faintly hear myself call out his name again and again, feet carrying me over quickly, only to tumble to the ground and bruise my body more, but at least Yunho seemed to stir awake. His eyebrows were furrowed as his eyes opened and he clutched at his chest with a pained expression. I scrambled to get to him, but the ground shook and my legs were so weak I couldn’t stand again. I felt tears in my eyes and dread grip my heart as Yunho turned onto his side, coughing and spitting up some more blood.

“Yunho!” A scream so shrill my ears rang left my lips, and he finally seemed to realize he wasn’t alone as his eyes snapped up, rounding when he noticed me. I couldn’t hear him as I tried to drag myself over, feeling nauseous and on the verge of passing out, but it looked like he was saying something, like he was calling out to me. And then, the ground shook another time and I lunged myself forward as the light in Yunho’s eyes dimmed, his hand extended towards me as I fell not far from him, reaching out desperately towards him. Our fingers touched as dark spots started coating my vision and I gasped for air, fighting against the urge to give in to the darkness, waiting to aid Yunho, but I couldn’t. As blinding light flooded the whole Arena, the roof completely caving in, all I could do was mutter a prayer to see Yunho once I woke up again. If I’d wake up.

The next time I was conscious again, however, what I heard despite the unbearable headache and the dull ache of my spine, didn’t sound at all good, nor reassuring, “Katniss, there is no District Twelve.” And all I could think about was, where is Yunho?

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[leonastarry]

Hiiiii!! Glad requests are open. I love you work so muchh 💕💕.

I would like to request a fix about sung Jin-woo with a jealous wife/girlfriend reader.like she is feeling a bit jelly of cha hae-in cause she likes him(he wouldn’t like her in that way though). Reassurance, fluff please!!!

[ Req 9 ] Don't worry. ✧. ┊    husband!jinwoo x wife!reader

Your worries started after Cha Hae-in applied to join your husband's guild.

You saw her strength, she was also very beautiful and an S-rank hunter. Her status was very suitable for Jinwoo, compared to her, you were just a commoner.

Even though you and your husband were tied together by a wedding ring on your hand, you still felt anxious and jealous.

So recently, you became more irritable and kept thinking about this. You also felt a loss of appetite and your face was often full of sadness, which made Jinwoo very worried.

One evening, after dinner and lying on the bed preparing to go to sleep, you turned your back on your husband and thought about Cha Hae-in again.

You didn't want to feel like that. Cha was sweet, beautiful and a great hunter. You admired her in many ways - but you couldn't ignore the way she looked at Jinwoo every time they passed, and especially the way she confessed to Jinwoo the day she applied to join Ahjin.

Your thoughts were interrupted by an arm around your waist, your husband pulling you into his embrace and whispering.

"Wife, what's wrong? Is someone bothering you?"

You hesitated, fiddling with the hem of your sweater. "Nothing."

He hugged you tighter. "You know you're not good at lying, right?"

You bit your lip, glancing away. "It's silly."

"If it makes you uncomfortable, it's not silly," he said softly, reaching out to take your hand. His thumb brushed over your knuckles, his touch warm and comforting.

You sighed and turned to face him. "It's just… Cha Hae-in."

His brow furrowed. "What about her?"

"She likes you," you blurted, your cheeks burning. "And… I don’t blame her. I mean, look at you." You gestured vaguely at him, your voice wavering between disappointment and embarrassment. "You’re strong, handsome, kind… Anyone would fall for you."

Jinwoo blinked, then chuckled. Your heart sank. "See? That’s silly." You tried to pull your hand away, but he held on, tight but gentle.

"It’s not silly," he said, his voice sincere. "But you’ve got it all wrong."

"How?"

He moved closer, one hand cupping your face. His touch was so gentle it made your chest ache. "Cha Hae-In may admire me, but that doesn’t mean I feel the same way. I’m not interested in her. I never was."

You looked into his eyes, searching for any sign of doubt, but all you saw was honesty.

"She's not the one who's there for me when I'm weak," he continued, his thumb brushing against your cheek. "She's not the one who knows how I like my coffee or can make me laugh when I'm having a bad day. She's not the one I come home to, the one I can't imagine my life without."

Your throat tightened as his words sank in.

"You are," he said, his voice steady. "And I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like you weren't good enough, because that's who you are. You always will be."

A tear slid down your cheek, and Jinwoo wiped it away with his thumb, his expression softening.

"I love you," he said, leaning in to kiss your forehead. "Only you." He raised your hand to kiss the wedding ring "I made a vow to you, until death do us part, I will always be by your side."

He cupped your cheeks and kissed you deeply. "Now go to sleep, don't think too much."

Don't worry. I will always love you, I will love you in thousands of worlds.

Thanks for loving my work.

Hope you like this ❤❤

[mellowmusings]

death bed | coffee for your head

Azriel x sick reader part. 2

A/N- I had the idea for this when I heard the song and instead of sick Azriel I made a sick reader, please don't kill me and let me know if you wanna be tagged. Enjoy :). Warning- Angst, reader is depressed and sick, Azzie baby is depressed too. Mainly a really sad fic (mentions of death due to illness). Summary- You had been sick for sometime now and upon visiting a healer you find out the reason, unsure how much time you have left, you wish to spend every second of it preparing Azriel for the moment you leave.

'Don't stay awake for too long Don't go to bed I'll make a cup of coffee for your head I'll get you up and going out of bed'

You were tired to say the least, for the past few nights you hadn't been able to sleep at all, and your sweet mate was worried sick for you, and so you had to change your plans for the day, ditching shopping for a visit to Madja instead.

A bell rang as you step into the healer's shop, the air was thick with the scent of dried herbs and incense, instantly calming your nerves. Soft light filters through the curtains, casting a warm glow on shelves cluttered with jars, vials, and bundles of plants you didn't recognize. The space felt ancient, yet welcoming, as if it held the quiet weight of countless healing rituals. A small wooden counter sat at the back, covered with bottles and unmarked potions. The faint sound of wind chimes hung in the air, but it’s the stillness that stood out—everything in this room felt intentional, designed to soothe, to listen. There attending to a small plant with the smallest flowers you had ever seen stood Madja.

Yeah, I don't wanna fall asleep I don't wanna pass away I've been thinking of our future 'Cause I'll never see those days I don't know why this has happened, but I probably deserve it I tried to do my best, but you know that I'm not perfect

You felt like throwing up, surely this was a joke? it had to be a joke, no she was lying or maybe you had misheard her, it had to be that way, right? "I know this can be shocking news y/n but like I said it's also a very rare illness" "No,no you're lying please tell me you're lying". She begged. Her voice broke on the last word, she couldn't breathe she felt choked, she wanted to throw up but instead she just fell to her knees and cried her heart out.

I've been praying for forgiveness, you've been praying for my health When I leave this earth, hoping you'll find someone else 'Cause, yeah, we're still young, there's so much we haven't done Getting married, start a family, watch your husband with his son

She didn't know how long she spent crying there with Madja comforting her and stroking her back, she was in shock but more than that she was worried for Azriel, if something happened to her then- No, no she wasn't going to think about that right now but for some reason her thoughts kept circling back to Azriel, to the quiet that would fill the room when she was gone. He’d wake up, reach for her, and feel nothing but emptiness. The bed would be cold, the silence too heavy. He’d feel it in the small things—no more shared glances, no more soft words in the dark.

Would he be okay without her? She couldn’t shake the fear that the grief would swallow him, that the shadows he kept so tightly contained would consume him without her there to pull him back. Would the memories be enough, or would they slip through his fingers? The thought of him unraveling, of him breaking, made her heart ache in a way she couldn’t ignore. She wouldn’t be there to catch him, and that terrified her.

Her gaze caught on a lovely family in the park, children being chased by their dad, their mom laughing at the scene and smiling lovingly at her partner, right, she would never be able to have that with Azriel either. Maybe, one day he'll find someone else, who'd love him just as much as she did, someone who'd start a family with him, give him heirs as lovely as he is. She hoped so because if Madja was right then-

I wish it could be me, but I won't make it off this bed I hope I go to heaven, so I see you once again My life was kinda short, but I got so many blessings Happy you were mine, it sucks that it's all ending

Don't stay awake for too long Don't go to bed I'll make a cup of coffee for your head I'll get you up and going out of bed, yeah

And I, don't stay awake for too long Don't go to bed I'll make a cup of coffee for your head I'll get you up and going out of bed

Yeah, I'm happy that you're here with me I'm sorry if I tear up When me and you were younger, you would always make me cheer up Taking goofy videos while walking through the park You would jump into my arms every time you heard a bark

You lay back against the pillows, your chest rising and falling with every shallow breath. Azriel sat beside you, his fingers gently brushing over your hand, but the tension in the air was thick, suffocating. You could feel the worry in his touch, in the way he kept glancing at you, like he was afraid to miss something, afraid to lose you before he could even understand what was happening.

"Azriel," you whispered, your voice trembling as you gathered the courage to finally say the words. "I’m sick." You tried to keep your tone calm, but it cracked as soon as the words left your lips. "The healer said it’s a rare heart condition. Something... incurable."

His face froze, eyes widening with disbelief, and he leaned forward, as if to pull you into him, to somehow shield you from the world. But you didn’t want his protection right now. You wanted him to hear this. To know the truth, even if it shattered him.

"I wish it could be me," you continued softly, the words slipping out before you could stop them. "I wish I could take it all. The pain. The time. But I—" You faltered, and the tears you had been holding back finally broke free. "I won’t make it off this bed, Azriel."

His hand tightened around yours, his breath shaky, but he said nothing, his eyes begging you to take it back, to tell him it wasn’t true. But you couldn’t. Not anymore.

"I hope I go to heaven," you murmured, forcing a small smile through your tears. "So I can see you again. One day, after this... after all of this."

Azriel’s face crumpled with pain, his eyes bright with unshed tears. He reached for you, pulling you close as if he could somehow hold you together, like he could make everything right if he just tried hard enough. "No," he whispered, his voice raw. "No, please. Don’t say that. Don’t leave me." It hurt to see the brave and stoic shadow singer crumble infront of you over such a small matter, he had faced death time and time again, but never had you seen him so broken.

You closed your eyes, savoring the feel of him holding you, but there was no denying it now. You couldn’t keep pretending. You couldn’t keep fighting against what you knew in your bones was coming.

"I’m not ready," you whispered, voice barely audible, "but I think... I think you need to be. This is the reality now, Love. I won’t have much time left."

Azriel held you tighter, but it was clear that he was barely holding on himself. You could feel his heart racing against yours, the fear, the love, the desperation. But you knew, deep down, there was no way to stop it.

"I just need you to be ready," you whispered, your voice barely a breath. "Because I won’t be here for long. I need you to promise me something, Az."

He pulled back just enough to look at you, his face a mask of agony, but he nodded, clinging to your every word.

"Promise me you won’t forget me," you said, the ache in your chest growing, but you didn’t want him to carry this burden forever. "Promise me you’ll live, not survive, but live, even if I’m not there."

He pressed his forehead to yours, and for a moment, it was like the world stopped moving. "I’ll never forget you," he said hoarsely. "And I’ll never stop loving you, not even after…"

You nodded, a tear slipping down your cheek, but you could feel the finality of it, the quiet acceptance in your soul that you had already said goodbye. "I know. But you have to promise me, Love. Please. Live, for both of us."

The words hung in the air between you, heavy, inevitable. And in that moment, you let go. You accepted what was coming, not with peace, but with a sorrow that was too vast to express.

Azriel didn’t say anything after that. He just held you, and in the silence of the room, you both faced what you knew was coming, as painful and unbearable as it was.

Cuddle in your sheets, sang me sound asleep And sneak out through your kitchen at exactly 1:03 Sundays went to church, on Mondays watched a movie Soon you'll be alone, sorry that you have to lose me

You were curled up against Azriel, the quiet crackling of the fire the only sound in the room. He held you close, his warmth wrapping around you like a shield from the world. The memories flowed easily now, the ones you both cherished, the ones you were trying so hard to relive, to hold on to.

"Cuddle in your sheets," you murmured, your voice barely above a whisper, "like we used to, like we did so many times. You’d sing me to sleep, your voice soft, your hand in my hair."

Azriel’s thumb brushed over your skin as if committing the sensation of this moment to memory, the feeling of your body pressed against his. "I’ll sing you to sleep forever if I can," he replied, voice thick with emotion. "But you know... I think the best part was sneaking out through your kitchen at exactly 1:03. I used to look at the clock, and I knew you’d be there. We’d laugh, sneak away like we didn’t have a care in the world."

You chuckled softly, a tear slipping down your cheek at the thought. "Sundays, we went to church together. Mondays, we’d watch a movie, get lost in each other’s company. Simple, sweet. And it was ours." You pulled back slightly to look up at him, a small, sad smile on your lips. "I wish we had more of those Mondays."

Azriel's eyes softened with the weight of your words, his voice barely more than a broken whisper. "We still have now," he said, but even he knew the truth in the heaviness of his words. Time was running out.

You closed your eyes, trying to soak in every moment, every detail. You could feel the pain of the inevitable, but for tonight, for this brief moment, you clung to the idea that you could still make new memories. "But soon you'll be alone," you whispered, a sob escaping before you could stop it. "I’m sorry that you have to lose me."

Azriel’s grip on you tightened, his face pressing into your hair. "Don’t say that," he murmured, though his voice was thick with sorrow. "I’ll never lose you. Not really. Not in my heart."

You nodded, your body trembling in his arms. "I hope so," you whispered, holding him tighter. "But I’ll always love you. Every memory, every laugh, every quiet Sunday. I’ll carry those with me, even when I’m gone."

And for a moment, time felt still, like the universe had paused just long enough for you both to hold on to each other a little tighter, to try and make every second count before it was all gone.

Don't stay awake for too long Don't go to bed I'll make a cup of coffee for your head I'll get you up and going out of bed

And I, don't stay awake for too long Don't go to bed I'll make a cup of coffee for your head I'll get you up and going out of bed

Don't stay awake for too long Don't go to bed I'll make a cup of coffee for your head I'll get you up and going out of bed

Azriel sat beside you, his hand resting gently on your own, the warmth of his touch a stark contrast to the chill that seemed to constantly settle in your bones. Your breathing was shallow, weak, each rise and fall of your chest an effort, and yet, despite it all, you smiled up at him. It was the kind of smile that told him you were fighting, even when it seemed like there was no fight left in you.

"I don't want you to stay awake for too long," you whispered, your voice thin, but still full of the love you carried for him. "I know you watch over me, but you need sleep too, Azriel." Your hand squeezed his, the action small but intentional.

He looked at you, eyes filled with an ache that ran deeper than the shadows that normally clung to him. His gaze searched your face, searching for something, anything that might bring you back to him, but there was nothing he could do to stop what was coming. His grip tightened, but he didn't speak. What could he say? Every word felt like a lie in the face of what you both knew was inevitable.

"You've been so strong," he finally whispered, voice hoarse. "Please, don’t give up on me now." His thumb stroked over your knuckles, as if grounding himself in the reality that, in his heart, he knew you were slipping away.

You let out a soft, raspy laugh, and though it was faint, it made him want to smile, even though the pain was consuming him. "I’m not giving up," you said, each word a battle, but the light in your eyes still bright enough to pierce through the darkness. "I’m just… trying to make the most of the time we have left."

Azriel closed his eyes for a moment, his chest tightening, but you gently cupped his cheek, urging him to look at you. "Don’t stay awake for too long," you repeated softly, your hand slipping into his as you pressed it over your heart. "Don’t go to bed, not yet. I’m still here. I’m still with you."

He leaned in, pressing his forehead to yours. You felt his warm breath on your skin, a small reminder of how much he loved you. How much he needed you.

"Let me take care of you," he murmured, his voice breaking. "Let me make you coffee in the morning, just like we used to. I’ll get you out of bed. I’ll help you find your strength again, just like before."

You smiled at him, the tears in your eyes blurring your vision. "I’ll make the coffee," you whispered, "when I can. I’ll make sure you get through it, even after I’m gone. I wrote you letters. Letters for the years to come, so you’ll know I’m still with you. So you’ll know that I’ll always love you, even when I’m not there."

Azriel’s heart shattered. "No," he said hoarsely, "No, you can’t leave me." His voice broke at the end, the rawness of his fear leaking through. You were fighting so hard, so fiercely, for him, but he couldn’t stop the truth from settling in his chest.

"You’ve always been my strength, Azriel," you whispered, your voice so soft, but so full of love. "And I’ll be yours, even when I’m not here to hold you. I need you to live. To keep fighting. And when the days feel long, when the nights feel too empty, I want you to read those letters. They’re for you. I’ll make sure you find your way."

Azriel couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. He leaned down, kissing your forehead, his lips trembling against your skin. "I’m going to keep you here with me, in my heart. Forever. I promise. I won’t forget, I swear it."

You smiled through the tears, despite the weariness that clung to your body. "I’m not leaving you, Azriel," you whispered, "not really. Not ever."

But the truth, unspoken between you both, was that you didn’t have much longer. And still, you fought, not for yourself but for him, so he could have something to hold on to after you were gone.

"Please," he begged softly, his voice breaking, "don’t leave me."

You brushed a tear from his cheek, as your voice trembled, "I’ll never really leave you, Azriel. I’ll always be with you. In every letter, in every thought."

You paused, a soft, warm breath escaping your lips. "I’ll get you out of bed, Azriel," you whispered, a hint of a smile on your face, "I’ll get you going again. Even if I’m not there to see it."

His tears fell freely now, but there was a quiet peace in the way he held you—knowing, with an ache so deep it felt like it might swallow him whole, that he would carry you forever.

And I, don't stay awake for too long Don't go to bed I'll make a cup of coffee for your head I'll get you up and going out of bed

A few weeks had passed, and the weight of each day was beginning to take its toll. The glow in your eyes had dimmed, and your breath came in shallow, uneven gasps. Azriel stayed by your side every moment, his presence constant, like a shadow you never wanted to be without.

He had been trying to hold on to the last threads of you, keeping the hope alive that maybe, somehow, you would pull through. But he knew. He knew with every soft breath you took, with every fleeting smile you gave him, that time was slipping away from both of you.

Today, though… today it felt like everything was slower. The air in the room was thick with an aching kind of quiet, the kind where even the heartbeats that echoed in the space between you seemed too loud.

Azriel sat on the edge of the bed, his arms around you, pulling you close like you’d always been. His fingers lightly traced the line of your jaw, like he could imprint your face into his soul if he touched you long enough. His lips pressed to your forehead, trying to pour every ounce of love and comfort he could into you, but it felt like it was never enough.

You had grown weaker. Your skin was pale, your breathing labored, but you still smiled at him when your eyes fluttered open.

"I’m still here," you whispered softly, your voice raspy but filled with the love you had for him. "I’m still here, Azriel."

He blinked back the tears that threatened to fall, his throat tight. "You don’t have to fight anymore," he murmured, brushing the damp strands of hair from your face. "I’ve got you. I’ll never let you go."

You smiled faintly, your hand reaching for his, weak but determined. "I know," you whispered. "I know… but I have to tell you something, something important."

Azriel leaned closer, his heart pounding in his chest. "Anything," he breathed. "Tell me anything, love. I’m listening."

"I wrote letters," you whispered, barely able to keep your eyes open. "For the years to come… For you. So you know I’ll always be with you, even when I’m not." He silently promised himself would read every letter you left behind, each one a piece of your love, keeping him alive in a world where you no longer were.

Azriel’s chest tightened, a sob breaking free from deep inside him. "You don’t have to go," he said, his voice raw, breaking with the weight of everything he wished he could say, everything he wished he could change. "I can’t… I can’t lose you."

A tear slipped down your cheek, but your smile didn’t fade. You reached up with trembling fingers, tracing the line of his jaw, as if trying to memorize him the way he had memorized you. "You’ll be okay, Azriel. You’re so strong. You’ve always been strong. Just—just remember that I love you. I always will."

His breath caught in his throat as he kissed your hand gently, his voice cracking. "I love you," he whispered, "I love you more than I could ever put into words."

You closed your eyes, your hand slipping from his, but he caught it again instantly, holding on as if it would keep you tethered to him, keep you from slipping away.

Your breathing grew even more shallow, each one taking more effort than the last. Azriel could feel the tremor in your body, the slow, inevitable shift that told him everything he feared was coming. But he didn’t let go. He couldn’t.

"I’m not ready to let you go," Azriel murmured, his voice hoarse, tears streaming down his face as he held you in his arms. "I’ve never been ready to let you go. Not now, not ever."

You gave him one last, gentle smile, your hand resting against his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart beneath your fingertips. "You’ll always have me," you whispered, your voice barely a breath. "In every letter, in every thought, in every coffee you make. You’ll find me again, in the quiet moments. I’ll always be with you."

And then, as if your body had finally found peace, your chest stilled. Your breathing slowed, and for the first time in weeks, there was complete silence. Azriel’s heart shattered, his breath caught in his throat, and for a long moment, he couldn’t move. He couldn’t breathe.

"No," he choked out, his voice breaking, his chest heaving with the weight of loss. "No, please…"

But there was no response. Only the soft, quiet sound of his heartbeat echoing through the silence, as if trying to fill the emptiness you left behind. His arms tightened around you one last time, as if holding you could bring you back, as if love could defy death.

For a long while, Azriel stayed there, clutching you to him, his tears falling onto your skin. He couldn’t let go. Not yet. He needed to hold you, to feel you close, to believe, for just a little longer, that you weren’t truly gone.

And in the stillness of the room, as the shadows of night stretched across the floor, Azriel whispered the only thing left in his broken heart.

"I’ll always love you. Always."

The room was silent. Still. But his words lingered in the air, a promise he would carry with him forever.

And I, don't stay awake for too long Don't go to bed I'll make a cup of coffee for your head I'll get you up and going out of bed

Azriel stood at the edge of the balcony, staring into the endless void of night. The stars above seemed to mock him, distant and cold, twinkling as though the universe was still moving forward, as though life was continuing. But for him, everything had stopped.

The wind swept through the courtyard, its icy fingers clawing at his skin, but it was nothing compared to the cold that had settled deep in his chest, in his soul. He had not moved from that spot since… since that moment. The moment she had slipped away from him, her final breath trembling in his arms, leaving nothing but an echo of the love they had shared. The world felt like a hollow, silent place, and he was drowning in its emptiness.

He could still smell her, faintly. Her scent lingered in the air, in the folds of the blanket she had used to curl up in, in the spaces between the letters she had written him, all the things that were now gone—faded into the dust of the world she had left behind.

Her letters. He had read them, over and over, each one a tear-streaked page of her love for him, a love he could no longer feel against his skin, in her touch, in her smile. He had read her last words, over and over, searching for some kind of comfort. But the comfort never came. The words she had left behind—I’ll always be with you, Azriel—only left him feeling more alone. Her absence was a shadow that consumed everything.

"I’ll always be with you," he muttered bitterly to the darkened sky, as if the universe owed him something. "Where the hell are you now?"

He wanted to scream. To shout into the abyss that had taken her from him, to demand it give her back. But what was the point? The universe didn’t care. Time didn’t care. And now, all that was left was his hollow existence.

The days blurred together, the ache of her absence cutting deeper with every passing hour. He had stopped sleeping, stopped eating. He couldn’t bring himself to do anything but exist, moving through each day as if in a fog. The shadows whispered her name—her voice, her laughter, the warmth of her skin against his—and all he could do was shut his eyes and pretend he didn’t hear them.

But the silence… the silence was the worst.

Everywhere he went, there were reminders. The empty corner of the room where her chair used to sit, the books she had loved scattered across the table, the coffee mug she had left on the counter—his mug now, though it meant nothing. All of it was just a reminder that she was gone, and he was left alone, trapped in a world where nothing made sense without her. Without her laughter, without the way she’d tease him in the mornings, the soft way she’d press her face to his chest when she needed comfort.

She had been everything to him. His light, his warmth, his reason to fight. And now…

The darkness pressed in on him, a crushing weight on his chest. His wings, once majestic and powerful, now felt like an anchor. He had no use for them anymore. They had carried him through battles, through pain, through moments of glory. But now they felt like a reminder of how empty he was. How much of a shell he had become.

The weight of the silence was unbearable. He could feel the crushing loneliness clawing at him, desperate to consume him whole. And as he stood there, staring out into the endless night, he almost wished for it to. He almost wished for the silence to swallow him, to take him with her, because what was the point of living in a world where she wasn’t there?

“I can’t keep doing this,” he whispered to the darkness, his voice cracking. His breath came in short, uneven bursts, each one a reminder that he was still alive—still breathing, even though every part of him screamed to be gone. To be where she was, wherever that was, because life without her felt like a slow, torturous death.

He ran a hand through his hair, tugging at it as if the physical pain would distract him from the ache in his chest. But it didn’t. Nothing could.

The weight of everything pressed on him—the guilt, the anger, the regret. He had promised her, promised her, that he would take care of her, that he wouldn’t let her go. But in the end, he had failed. He hadn’t been enough to save her. And now, she was gone, and all he had left were the memories. The hollow echoes of her voice, her laughter, her touch.

“I wasn’t enough for you,” he whispered, a raw, broken sob escaping him. His knees buckled, and he crumpled to the ground, his wings folding around him like an armor of despair. “I couldn’t save you. And now… now I have nothing.”

He curled into himself, his arms wrapping around his knees, his head pressed against them as the tears came in waves. His body trembled with the force of it. Every sob was like a shard of glass digging deeper into his heart, but it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered anymore.

The world had moved on. The stars had continued to shine. The wind had continued to blow. But for Azriel, it had all stopped. Because she was gone, and no matter how many times he whispered her name into the darkness, no matter how many times he begged for her to come back, he knew the truth.

She was gone. And he was broken beyond repair.

Time would pass, the seasons would change, but none of it mattered. Nothing mattered without her.

And as the silence closed in around him, Azriel made a vow to the shadows, to the darkness that now felt like home.

He would never forgive himself. He would never forget the way she had died in his arms, the way he couldn’t save her. And as the cold night wrapped itself around him, he whispered through clenched teeth, “I’ll make the world pay. I’ll make everything pay for taking you from me.”

But even as the words left his lips, he knew they wouldn’t bring her back.

And he would have to live with that.

Taglist: @anarchiii @er1023 @siriuslystyle1989 @velarisdusk @scorpioriesling @starlightazriel

[rosenclaws]

OKAY OKAY CONGRATULATIONS ON 600 FOLLOWERS! You deserve it 💗

But I was thinking thinking something with worst!logan. but BUt make him subby yknow. with 34 "Did you come already?" and 57 "you seem more sensitive than usual" from your smut prompts! I was thinking for the classic rut/in heat wolvie, but since it's just been so damn long since he last had a partner (in his world he was hated so much) he's not the dominant animal he remembers himself to be but a stray puppy begging and howling for scraps of fem!reader's love and affection.

(you can throw the 14 too if you want "you can take it, you've done it before" with reader's fingers shoved down his throath to keep him quiet because he's moaning so loud the neighbours are gonna complain to wade and then wade is gonna complain about not having been invited lol).

SUBBY WORST LOGAN MY LOVE

warnings: SMUT, MINORS DNI, sub!logan, fem!reader, light bondage, cum eating, creampie, cowgirl, gagging logan with ur panties oop

wc: 1.2k

600 follower drabble masterlist

It's been years since Logan had been touched like this. Fuck he missed it. The feeling of skin on skin. He was sensitve, craving your touch. You got his hands tied to the headboard.

Not much could hold Logan's super strength but you found something strong enough after a lot of testing. He tugs harshly on the bonds as you unbutton his pants. He's already shirtless. Giving you the perfect few of his ripped chest.

"Aw baby, just let me take my time okay?" You purr as you pull down his pants and boxers.

Your eyes shine with excitement as his cock springs free. Its big, leaking, and painfully hard. His poor tip is red and leaking precum down the sides. You shake your head as you crawl up and take it in your hands.

Teasingly licking the side where some of his cum had dripped down. His hips buck wildly as you do so. You immediately pull away and he groans, his eyes begging you to keep going.

"You seem more sensitive than usual." You tease as your hands abandon his cock. He clenches his jaw as you crawl up his body, placing yourself on his stomach instead.

"Who would have guessed the big bad wolf is just a cute little puppy." You hum as you kiss down his neck. Biting and sucking love bites in every place you want to.

"Not a puppy." He growls as he tries to keep composure, keep any sense of dignity he has left as you take him apart.

"No?" You ask as you tilt your head, your lips forming into a small pout.

"Don't you want to be my good boy?"

Good boy. He's absolutely fucked. He doesn't know why he's fighting it so much, back in his world he used to be the dominate one. The one who could tear you apart on his cock as you beg for mercy, but that was a long time ago. Before he was worn down by life, now he's nothing more than a desperate, sad, whining puppy pawing at you for an ounce of attention.

In truth he doesn't mind it too much, something about being cared for like this is nice. But he doesn't appreciate the teasing. He nods and you smirk, grabbing his chin and digging your nails into his cheeks. Don't worry, he likes the pain.

"Ah, use your words baby." You coo.

You start to grind your clothed cunt against his cock. The soft material of your panties rubbing deliciously against him. His chest starts to heave as pleasure runs through his body. It's not enough and too much at the same time.

"Fuck." He growls as you start to move faster. He can see the growing wet spot right on your cunt but he can't tell if its from him or from you.

"Not those naughty words," You lean down and bite the shell of his ear.

"Beg for me." You purr.

Your sultry voice and rough movements are too much for him. His eyes roll to the back of his head as he comes. His hips humping up as his cum spurts all over your panties and his chest.

"Did you come already?" You say mockingly. He burns with embarrassment as you crawl back. Taking two fingers you wipe some of his cum off his stomach. Sticking them into your mouth and moaning lewdly at the taste.

"I'm sorry." He mumbles. You raise your eyebrow as you lean back over. Kissing his forehead gently.

"It's okay baby, you're just desperate for me right?" He nods, giving in to your relentless teasing. He needs you so fucking bad.

"You gonna be a good boy and let me use your cock baby?" You ask as you strip your panties off and pump his cock. It was already getting hard, perks of a healing factor you suppose.

"Yes, fuck I'll be your good boy." He pants. Slowly and tortuously you sink down onto him. His fat cock filling you up inch by inch and in this position it feels even bigger than normal.

"Oh Logan." You moan and he clenches his fists.

He's already overstimulated, cock sensitive while you're tight hot cunt is squeezing him with no mercy. Your nails scratch down his chest and he moans loudly. Whimpers and cries fall from his lips as you bounce yourself on him hard and fast. He's breathing quickens as you fuck yourself on him. Using him like a little toy to pleasure yourself.

"Fuck fuck baby, Oh fuck!" He can't contain himself. You just feels so fucking good. The pain of your nails only adds to the pleasure as you tell him to be quiet. He can't stay quiet and you know it.

"I can't, fuck it's too much. T-Too much." He whines as you fuck yourself rougher.

He plants his feet on the bed and starts to buck up into you, meeting your thrusts. Despite his words his body reacts entirely different. His balls slap against you as he starts to near his end. His hot cum just begging to be pumped into you.

"Shh, quiet baby." You try and calm him but it does nothing.

He has done this before but the walls are thin and the last thing you want is for the neighbors (Wade) to hear you and stick their nose in your private bedroom business. You grab your soaked panties, the ones mixed with his and your wetness and shove them in his mouth. He groans at the taste of the two of you combined.

"You can take it, you've done it before" You praise him and he nods.

"That's my good boy," You moan as he starts to fuck himself up into at a more rapid pace. Slamming his hips up while you bounce on his cock.

"So close, oh fuck Logan." You bury your face in his neck as your legs shake. You muffle your moans as you come hard around him.

He hasn't stop pounding into you, chasing his own release like an animal. Soft noises fall from your lips as he finally stills his hips and comes deep inside of you. Your walls clench around him, pleasure rocking through your body as the tip of his cock reaches as deep as he can get. You shudder as you feel his cum start to drip out of you. Logan is blissfully fucked out as his dick goes soft while still inside.

"Fuck, you did so good baby." You take your panties out of his mouth and kiss him. He groans as you lift yourself off him. Whining in protest at the loss of your warmth.

"Fuck I love you." Logan says breathlessly as you untie his wrists. He rubs them gently as you crawl back into bed with him. Cum stains the sheets and his seeps down your thighs but you can't bring yourself to are right now.

"I love you too." You lay your head on his chest as he runs his hand down your back. There's a loud banging on the wall behind your bed and you roll your eyes.

"Fuck off bub!" Logan growls as he slams his hand against the wall.

"Told you to be quieter." You tease and Logan just rolls his eyes.

"Shut up."

[naughtyneganjdm]

Christmas in Jackson - Chapter 5

Summary: Joel, Tommy and Maria take Y/N to The Tipsy Bison to have a relaxed ending for their night where Joel starts to recognize his undeniable feelings for Y/N. A surprise reveal brings back negative feelings for Joel that Y/N isn't prepared for.

Characters: Joel Miller, the reader (OC), Tommy Miller, Maria, etc.

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/61159651/chapters/159176311

Warnings: Swearing, Severe Angst, Heavy Making Out, Dry Humping, Smut (kinda), Very Intense Dirty Talk, the return of grumpy Joel, etc.

Notes: This took me a significant amount of time to update because I was a little bummed to see that it got a decent amount of views, but no comments on AO3. But? I'm writing this story for me and the holidays kinda made it hard for me to update. So here is the chapter. If you'd like to read previous chapters, check them out here.

Today was unlike anything Joel had experienced in a long time. The last twenty-four hours he actually felt something he thought he had lost. A sense of happiness and joy. Surprisingly, the woman who walked into his inn that he was filled with rage toward at the start ended up being someone who brought out a part of him he didn’t even know existed anymore. And it felt good.

There was a warmth that flooded his veins when he looked at Y/N. Truthfully? He couldn’t remember the last time he felt that way toward anyone. Being around her was addictive. There was a longing to have her near him. And when he wasn’t kissing her? All he could think about was kissing her. The way she touched him, the way she looked at him…it was something that he looked forward to. Maybe it was fast, but he could tell that he had grown pretty hooked on this woman he had only just met.

Hearing her story tonight brought forth the urge to protect her and keep her safe. Originally, he just thought she was a stuck-up city girl, but getting to know her helped him realize that the two of them were more alike than he could have ever imagine. They both had broken pasts. Ones that stuck with them and made them feel like no matter what they would never be right again.

These feelings that he had toward Y/N? These weren’t feelings that you were supposed to have toward someone you had only just met. But he did. And with every second he stared out at her, he could feel that awe and adoration growing inside of him. Pretty quickly everything about her had appealed to him. Her smile. Her attitude. The way she presented herself. Every quirk and thing he learned about her only had that feeling that he hadn’t experienced in so long growing inside of him.

At dinner, things had grown uncomfortably quiet between them because what Y/N had told them was a lot to process. Tommy felt bad that he was the one that led to that discussion so he had kept quiet. Maria was the one working hard to bring forth good memories for her. When it came to Joel though? He was the quietest of them all. Joel was never good at saying the right thing. That was for certain. And he knew that he couldn’t make her feel better. So he just showed his support by occasionally placing his hand over hers. That’s the best he could really do at the time.

Desperate to make sure that she didn’t end the night on a bad note, Tommy insisted that they all came to The Tipsy Bison just to unwind for a few. Even though all of them were tired, especially after their day snowmobiling, Joel wasn’t eager to say no. He liked spending time with Y/N and he knew that Tommy just wanted to leave her in a positive mood.

During her conversation she made it pretty clear with them that she was sad, just like he was. Even though he put up these walls of anger and being closed off, she saw right through him. Broken recognized broken. That’s what she told him the other night. And now it all made sense. They were more alike than he cared to admit.

When they agreed to come to The Tipsy Bison, Joel managed to get Y/N to agree to not drinking anything more for the night. Especially after how drunk she got last night mixed with the things that she said, Joel didn’t want her night to end with her hurting. Or even worse, hurting herself. From experience, Joel knew just how bad alcohol was for a person who had that much trauma and negative thoughts. Most nights he fought his own mind on whether he was drinking to numb himself or drinking to give himself the courage to finally end the life that he was miserable having. So he didn’t want her to drown herself in that.

Thankfully, she didn’t fight him on not drinking. The only stipulation she had was if she wasn’t going to drink, neither was he. Which he had no problem doing. Numbing the pain was not something he wanted to experience right now anyways. He wanted to be very much present around her. Especially since he liked the way he felt around her.

Right now, Joel found himself standing inside of The Tipsy Bison at the other end of the pool table from where Tommy and Y/N were bickering. Bracing his weight on the pool cue that he had balanced vertically on the floor, Joel couldn’t help but smirk watching the two of them fighting about the game they were playing. Originally they had just planned to sit for a while and talk, but when Tommy saw that a pool table was open when they got there, he was eager to play a game. Making the teams Maria and himself against Joel and Y/N. For some reason, Tommy assumed by the questions that Y/N asked that she would be horrible at pool, but it was quite the opposite actually. And that infuriated Tommy because he was expecting the worst. Then again, Tommy was the only one of the four of them that had continued drinking, so maybe he was more wired up because of that.

Curling his fingers tighter around the pool cue, Joel felt the warmth of someone else moving in beside him. Taking a quick look, he saw that it was Maria joining him to watch the two of them going back and forth, “I saw that you know.”

“Saw what?” Joel grunted, his eyebrows furrowing with the lines in his forehead growing deeper when he finally turned his attention away from Y/N to his sister-in-law.

“That smile. You tried to hide it after you realized you were doing it,” Maria lifted her finger to circle Joel’s face causing him to wrinkle his nose and shake his head. “Nah, don’t hide it Joel Miller. Smiling looks good on you. Let it happen.”

“Stop,” Joel grumbled under his breath, trying to force the smirk that wanted to tug at his lips from coming. “I wasn’t smiling.”

“Yeah, yeah. Lie to yourself all you want, but I have eyes,” Maria teased Joel, reaching out to playfully squeeze at Joel’s upper arm. Sitting on the edge of the pool table, Maria turned to look at Tommy and Y/N who were both now laughing with their ridiculous banter. “You know what he’s doing, right?”

“Being a sore loser?” Joel was quick to respond drawing out a tiny laugh from Maria since that’s obviously where she wasn’t going with that question.

“Well, yes. That, but no…” Maria sighed loudly, her voice lowering when she turned back to Joel to stare out at him with a weak smile. Truthfully? There was no reason she had to attempt to be quiet. The bar was loud as it was and he doubted that Tommy nor Y/N would ever hear them talking with one another. “He’s trying to get her mind off the things she opened up to us about earlier. It’s not the best way to do it, but it’s sweet when you think about it.”

“That’s my baby brother. The sweet one,” Joel noted, his throat tensing up when he readjusted the weight of his body and played with the pool cue that he was holding onto. “I know what he’s doing and I appreciate it.”

“It took a lot of strength for her to open up about the things that happened to her. It makes you realize a lot when it comes to her,” Maria commented taking another quick look back at Y/N thinking about everything they now knew. “I’m glad she came here. I think it was good for her. And for you too.”

“Mhmm…” Joel hummed, not sure what to say to that comment. Things were confusing enough as they were. Talking things out with his brother’s wife was not something he thought would help him on his feelings toward Y/N. But he did know that Tommy was working hard to keep Y/N happy instead of allowing her sadness to swallow her whole. “Tommy might want to be careful though. If he keeps this up much longer, he’s going to lose that good guy image he worked so hard to build and people will start thinking he’s a baby.”

“Don’t you think it makes sense that I would be good at this kind of thing?” Joel heard Y/N ramble off drawing his attention back toward her reasoning with his brother. There was a big smile over her face showing that Tommy was successful bringing forth some joy after everything. “I’m good with my hands Tommy. If I was bad with them, I’d be worried. Being a trauma surgeon, I think that would make me a very bad one. Don’t you?”

“Come on. We’re not talking about that though. We’re talkin’ about pool. Which is more so mathematics and trajectories. Not the same thing as a human body,” Tommy threw his hand out toward the pool table eliciting a laugh from Maria at how dramatic he was acting in his response. Scrunching his face up in disbelief, Tommy scoffed and rest his hands at his hips. “I’ve known plenty of doctors that played pool like shit.”

"Oh, you know a lot of doctors?” Maria blurt out, moving around the pool table to reach out to grab a soft hold of Tommy’s arm to get him to look back at her. With a big-eyed expression, Tommy nodded his head about and Maria snickered. “How many doctors? Do I know them? Because the only doctor I know is a very old man. And I doubt he’d be able to properly hold onto a pool cue without shaking.”

“Honey,” Tommy hushed his wife, waving his hand about suggesting as if she should be quiet in the moment. It made Joel smile that Tommy was continuing on with this whole thing. And he knew that Maria was right. This was Tommy’s way of distracting everyone from letting the negativity hang over their heads. “I’m just making a point. She bamboozled me.”

“Bamboozled you?” Joel snorted from his end of the pool table, shaking his head in disbelief. “It’s time just to own up to how things are. You’ve always sucked at pool little brother. Time to suck it up before you bamboozle yourself into believing you were ever good to begin with.”

“Well that’s just rude,” Tommy growled, his top lip wrinkling and his dark eyes narrowing at his brother. “Not all of us were blessed with perfect aim. But I do my best, I’ll have you know.”

“How many drinks did you have honey?” Maria wondered hearing the soft slurring that was coming from Tommy’s lips. Shrugging his shoulders it looked like Tommy was counting inside of his head and she lovingly placed her hand in over the center of Tommy’s chest. Patting there softly, Maria nodded over toward the corner table and smiled. “How about you and I go sit down for a while? Give them some time to play alone. I could definitely use some time off my feet right now. It’s been a busy day.”

Locking eyes with Joel, Y/N’s cheeks flushed over with a tiny smirk tugging at her features. Tommy gazed between Y/N and Joel considering his options. When he decided, he looked to Maria and gave her a wink, “Yes ma’am.”

Stepping away from Maria, Tommy did have a bit of a stumble to the way he walked. Maybe Tommy really was a little drunk making it easier for him to bicker freely with Y/N about the game he lost. Moving around the pool table, Tommy returned the pool cue to where it belonged.

Instead of heading back to Maria, Tommy stepped before Y/N and outstretched his hands. Placing them in over Y/N’s shoulders, Tommy gave them a firm squeeze having her smile at the way he was staring out at her with such a serious expression, “Now you listen to me, okay? You kick my big brother’s ass so bad that he feels awful about himself and goes home with his tail between his legs. Mmmk?”

“Easy,” she confidently nodded her head feeling like Tommy was giving her some kind of peptalk in her playing an innocent game of pool with Joel.

“Tommy,” Joel scoffed from across the table, both annoyed and amused that his brother cared enough to say that to her. Although, he didn’t hate it because it did elicit a huge smile from Y/N that took his breath away.

Coming to collect Tommy, Maria hooked her fingers with Tommy’s and curled her arm around his to make sure that he wouldn’t topple over on their way back to the table, “Now you two have fun while I get this one some much needed water.”

Leading Tommy toward the empty table that they were originally planning on sitting at, Maria knew that it would probably be good for Joel and Y/N to have some alone time together. Which is what she did having Y/N moving in beside Joel.

“He’s silly,” Y/N spoke up after Tommy had left them, nudging Joel playfully with her arm. “So he’s one of those happy drunks, huh?”

“Do you mean annoying?” Joel inquired, his head slowly turning with his right eyebrow arching. There was a muscle that flexed at the corner of his jaw when he evoked another amused laugh from her throat. “I’m not sure alcohol has an overall effect on him. I’ve seen him sad. I’ve seen him happy. And I’ve seen moments like that. Whatever he is feeling in the moment? Alcohol just seems to enhance it for him.”

“I guess I never realized that Tommy would be fun with how straight laced he seems,” she confessed, heading back to the table to start gathering the pool balls that were still left out on the table from their previous game. Once she had all of them, she grabbed the rack to start preparing for their next game. Spinning the rack in her fingers, she took time to think about her day and smiled. “Today has shown me that I enjoy spending time with the Miller family.”

“Well see, that’s you being biased about Tommy,” Joel suggested, snapping his fingers about. Turning on his heel to face her, Joel played with the pool cue that he was holding in his hands. “Because Tommy is not fun. Tommy in fact is a very boring soul. Always has been. You just like him because he’s nice.”

“Oh, is that it?” she snickered causing Joel to nod his head. Their interaction had him smirking which brought attention to one of his dimples. The sight of it had her heart skipping a beat. God he was cute. “Not to embarrass you or anything…”

Walking around the table, she dragged her hand across the top of the pool table with Joel’s dark eyes following her every movement. When she got before him, she outstretched her hand to caress at the center of his chest and then palmed up over his shoulder to curl her fingers into his hair. It caused Joel’s lips to part with his eyelids growing heavy having her near, “But I never noticed when we first met that you had dimples. Today? I’ve gotten to see them many times. And I like it. It’s adorable.”

“Adorable?” Joel repeated, dragging his tongue across his bottom lip in an amused rumble. “Puppies and kittens are adorable.”

“And so are you,” she hushed him, sliding her hand down to cover his lips with her index finger. Shaking her head had another smirk teasing in over his lips. “You can be this brooding sexy man standing before me and still be adorable.”

“I see,” Joel exhaled loudly when she lowered her hand, but instead of moving away she pressed in closer to him. “Well you know what I think?”

“No, what do you think?” she muttered, her long eyelashes fluttering when Joel closed the distance between them.

“I think you’re the adorable one,” Joel informed her, enjoying the way that her face flushed over with color hearing that.

A moment later, she was reaching up to drag her thumb in over the side of his face where his more prominent dimple was, “You know, one is more obvious than the other.”

“You don’t say?” Joel’s nose wrinkled, giving her a small nod. “You know I wouldn’t know that considering I’ve had them my entire life.”

“Okay, smart ass,” she pushed at the center of his chest getting him to stumble back slightly with a tiny snort escaping his lips. “I do agree with you though.”

“About?” Joel mused as she went back toward the end of the pool table to set up the balls. Leaning forward managed to draw her shirt to pull forward allowing him to get a look beneath it through the dip at her neckline. His throat went dry and he licked his lips with how easily his body started to heat up.

“I am the more adorable one. I won’t fight you on it,” she declared eliciting a loud groan from him that had him rolling his eyes. “I was just simply stating that I think your dimples are cute and they add to your personality.”

“Mhmm…” Joel hummed, setting aside his pool cue on top of the pool table. Taking his time, he made his way around the pool table toward where she was. Hooking his arm loosely around her waist, Joel persuaded her to turn to face him. Placing his hands in over her hips, Joel got her to look up at him and it sent a chill right through his veins. The way she looked at him was something he wasn’t used to, but God did he like it. Lowering his head down, he hovered his lips in over hers. Just having him near had her eyes fluttering to a slow close. How easily he had her reacting showed him just how much she wanted him to kiss her. “I can be very cute on occasion.”

Faintly allowing his lips to drag across hers had her believing that he was going to fully kiss her, but instead he snickered against her flesh and tipped his head back. Teasing her caused her to frown and let out a disappointed sound, “That wasn’t very nice.”

“Now I never said I was nice,” Joel retorted, the bridge of his nose wrinkling when a faint rumble of a laugh escaped him. His laugh grew with her pushing him away from her and he threw his hands up in the air feigning innocence. “What?”

“Jerk,” she scowled, heading back to set up their game again. Stopping at his pool cue, she grabbed it and tossed it back to him. Fumbling to catch it, Joel was still snickering that she got so worked up over him not kissing her. “Are you a betting man?”

“Depends,” Joel thought aloud, not confident with where the question was coming from.

“Let’s up the stakes of the game. What do you say?” she recommended, pulling away the rack after she was done and tossing it aside where it was before. Folding her arms in front of her chest, she rest her hip against the table. “If I win the game, you take me into some dark corner of the bar and you make out with me. If you win, well…you can think of something.”

“Oh, that’s what you mean,” Joel realized holding the pool cue in one of his hands while bracing his weight on the table with the other. Bobbing his head from side to side in an arrogant fashion, Joel knew that he was having fun playing with her. Taunting her was bringing out her spunky side and he liked it. “What makes you think I’d want something from you?”

“Hey, you better be nice to me Joel Miller,” she warned him, lifting her finger to point out at him. A snort involuntary escaped him with the amusement that was growing inside of him. “Or else you might not like the outcome.”

“And what might that outcome be?” he questioned, in that moment realizing that someone that was originally over by the bar was starting to make their way over toward the pool table where they were at. Suddenly the playful expression over his features grew very serious. Realizing who it was, Joel knew that it was someone who was at the bar when Y/N was drunk at the bar last night mouthing off about things. As they approached the table, Joel made his way around the pool table and placed himself in front of her. Using his free hand, Joel carefully ushered her in behind him so he could stand in front of her protectively. “Stay there.”

“What’s wrong?” she didn’t pick up on what was happening with the man approaching them.

And there was that protective side of him that wanted to keep her safe. With this being a small town, that unfortunately meant that Joel pretty much knew everyone in it. And the guy that was coming over there? Well he was known to be a bit of a ladies’ man that was always sinking his nails into any of the women that showed up in town that were travelers. There was no question that the guy was going to try to pick her up and say something skeezy in order to do so.

“Hey Joel,” the man seemed confused at how quickly Joel placed himself between Y/N and him when he spotted him coming over. Attempting to look beyond Joel to Y/N had Joel stepping aside to keep her from the stranger’s line of sight. “I hope you don’t mind. I just was hoping to talk to the doc for a few minutes. I know she’s new in town and…”

“I know what you were hoping to do and I mind. I mind a lot,” Joel cut the man off, his words coming off short with a tone of anger behind them. The fun and silly Joel suddenly became extremely intimidating in such a short amount of time. “You heard her ranting last night and you thought you would take advantage of the situation. Test your luck.”

“Joel,” the man spoke with a half laugh, not sure if Joel was serious about the way that he was acting. “I was just trying to be a nice guy and introduce myself. I thought it would be nice to get to know the people in town…”

“This one is mine,” Joel grunted, his Adam’s apple bouncing in his throat with his dark eyes narrowing. As soon as he said that? It was like something switched inside of the stranger that had him taking a step back. Over Joel’s shoulder, Y/N could see that Tommy was locked in after noticing the encounter. “And if you even think of bothering her…”

 Joel paused, stroking his fingers down over the pool cue that was in his hand to bring attention to it, “I will break this over your head and then I will shove the remainder of it up your ass…”

Hearing Joel speak like that had the man’s eyes growing wide, his head nodding slowly as he started back stepping toward the area he came from, “Now you have a good rest of your night, okay?”

“Sure Joel,” the man held up his hands in a defensive motion hinting that he didn’t want any trouble with Joel. “I didn’t know she was yours. All you had to do was tell me and I would have turned the other way man.”

“I’m sure you would have,” Joel snarled, his eyes following the movement of the man all the way back to his seat. Once the man was seated again, Joel heard the sound of Y/N laughing behind him. Gazing over his shoulder, Joel realized that she was impressed. “What?”

“You have this town fucking terrified of you,” she noted how easily he got the guy to walk away from the pool table before even talking to her. And the guy wasn’t small either. So there had to be a reason that Joel was so capable of that. “Why is that? You’re probably smaller than that guy was.”

“I’m stronger than I look,” Joel commented, turning on his heel to face her realizing that she had put everything down and was no longer focused on the game of pool that they were planning on playing. “What?”

“I’m just curious what has everyone so scared of you,” she stressed to him, stepping forward to reach out to tug faintly at the material of his shirt to pull him in closer to her. “Is it your award-winning personality? Or do people actually have a reason to be scared of you?”

“For certain people, I’m kind and very helpful,” Joel explained to her, grunting when he thought about the people that lived in Jackson. “But for others? They know better than to fuck with me. I may not be the biggest man here or the tallest, but I’m stronger than I look. And there has been times, especially when Tommy and I first got to town where people learned that. You’re good with your hands? Well…so am I. Just in different ways.”

“Wow,” she slurred, her eyes focusing in on his lips. “That’s it?”

“That and a few things,” Joel swallowed down hard, his breathing growing louder. “Y’know how rumors spread when people are scared of you. They have fun talking about my past. Spreading rumors about things they think they know.”

“Should I be worried?” her hand palmed in over his bicep pulling forth a chill inside of him at the way she was touching him.

“Probably,” he breathed out, but she didn’t seemed worried in the least. There was part of him that was afraid to admit that to her, but she didn’t seem to be upset with the idea. No, it was quite the opposite. Swallowing down hard, Joel felt her taking the pool cue from him. Setting it down on the table, she reached for his hands to stroke over the tops of them. Tracing over them had a lump in his throat developing with his dark eyes locked on hers.

“I couldn’t help but notice that you told him that I was yours,” she pointed out in a whisper, closing the distance between the two of them. Tipping up on her toes, she braced her back against the pool table to bring them closer together. “Why is that?”

“Well, he’s a big mouth,” Joel responded with a simple expression acting like it wasn’t much of a big deal. Faintly she stroked at the center of his chest and he couldn’t help but be charmed by it. “I figure he’ll tell everyone that might get any ideas about approaching you over the things you said last night and they won’t bother you.”

“Oh, that’s all?” she hinted that there may have been more of a reason, biting down on her lip in what felt like a seductive manner having a fire flooding through Joel’s veins. “Nothing else?”

“Nothing else,” Joel repeated the words that she said, leaning in to attempt to meet her in a kiss, but she pulled back like he had done to her earlier in the night.

“Then I guess we can just keep playing if there is no other reason,” she proposed, pointing back toward the pool table. Gasping out, she felt Joel’s thick fingers hooking around her wrist tugging her back toward him. The tug was rough having her fall in against him. A moment later he was leading her through the bar toward another area she had yet been. “What about the game?”

“We both know you’re going to win,” Joel insisted exciting her at the idea of him pulling her away from the crowd of people that were in the bar. Taking a quick look back, Joel checked to make sure they were alone and weren’t being followed. Having her follow him to a back hallway, she assumed this was the area that the office was for whoever owned the bar. The loud music that had been playing was now muffled, but with Joel trapping her between his body and the corner of the wall she didn’t have a care in the world about it. “So why bother playing when I can just give you your winnings now?”

At first? She thought she would banter back and forth with him a little more, but Joel’s mouth forcefully claimed hers in a hungry kiss. A rush of excitement flooded throughout her body with her tipping up on her toes toward him. Instinctively her arms hooked loosely around his shoulders so she could brace herself against him. Purring against his lips, she was surprised with how passionate and unrelenting the kiss was. Sinking one of her hands into his messy hair had him lowering in closer to her allowing her to kiss him back just as much.

By the time they parted they were both breathless with the warmth of Joel’s mouth hanging in over hers, “I like kissing you.”

“I like kissing you too,” Joel growled, dragging his bottom lip up over her lips before starting to press kisses at the side of her face.

Usually? She didn’t do things like this and it made her worry in that moment, “With the things that I said when I was drunk? I uhm. I hope you don’t think I’m a slut or anything. I’m actually very careful. I have to take blood tests all the time with work and...”

“Okay…” Joel didn’t seem to care about what she was saying, panting when he leaned back enough to gaze upon her with his brown eyes. Leaning in to kiss her again had her placing her hand in over his chest to stop him which confused him.

“What I said about the sex and the blowjobs are the truth though. I do pay really close attention to the body and I’m capable of the things that I said,” she continued to explain with Joel nodding, his eyes locked on her lips showing that in that moment all he wanted to do was kiss her. Right now she seemed to be nervous and rambling on which made Joel smile. “I’m not some naughty, skanky girl that…”

“Hey Y/N?” Joel breathed, his fingers tracing in over the side of her face getting her to tip her head back to look at him.

“Yeah?” she whimpered with the rough pad of his thumb sweeping in over her bottom lip.

“Shut up,” he demanded with her immediately nodding her head. Stealing another kiss from her lips, Joel growled when she just as hastily kissed him back. For some reason she seemed nervous with him even through all the flirting they had done together. Confident or nervous. He didn’t care. This woman had a fire growing inside of his body that he couldn’t deny. Pressing his body in closer to hers had her moaning out. It had her mouth parting with his tongue eagerly brushing out against hers. Their hands were everywhere, touching the other and learning their bodies. Getting used to what the other liked while they made out in some dark corner of this bar. Joel was very dominant in the way that he kissed her and it was addictive. Having her eager for kiss after kiss that he rewarded her with. Hissing out, her eyes slammed shut when he started to kiss over the side of her face, over her jawline and toward her neck. Biting faintly at her jaw had her panting loudly, her hands caressing up over the lengths of his abdomen while he did it. Palming over her back, Joel stretched his fingers out when he reached her bottom to squeeze firmly in over it. “Y’know…it’s a shame you don’t think you’re naughty. Cus’ I was kinda hoping you would be my dirty girl for a while.”

“I’ll be as dirty as you want me to be,” she purred out, turning in toward Joel to bring their lips together in another fervent kiss. Sucking faintly at his bottom lip gifted her with a deep rumble of a groan that had her blood boiling with the desire she had for this man. “You have no idea how hot this is making me that you are doing this here…”

“You like doing things in public?” Joel slurred, his tongue faintly dragging out to draw a line over the front of her lips. Smirking, his eyelids grew heavy with want and he swallowed down hard. “How good is your poker face?”

“My poker face?” she cried out with Joel’s hand palming in over her bottom pulling her in closer to him. Enthusiastically kissing him again, she sank her fingers into his hair and arched her hips in closer to his getting him to wince against her lips. “Why?”

“I’d love to see you squirm on my cock in front of everyone,” Joel declared, nipping at her bottom lip before sucking tenderly at it. Just hearing him say something like that had her heart hammering inside of her chest. “We can get you to wear a skirt. Come here tomorrow. Sit at the corner booth. Have you sit on my lap…”

“Yeah?” she whined as Joel hooked his hand in under her thigh to lift her leg allowing him to press in closer to her. A firm roll of his hips against her provoked a loud gasp from her. Hooking her arm around his shoulders tighter allowed him to bury his nose in against the side of her neck.

“I’ll wear nothing underneath my jeans. When you’re comfortable, I’ll push your panties aside, undo my jeans and have you slide down onto my cock,” Joel continued in his thick, southern drawl with his kisses hot and wet against the side of her neck. “And you wouldn’t be allowed to move. You’d just have to sit there with my hard cock inside of you with everyone else around us. With how the back corner is, no one would see. Could you handle something like that?”

Hell, it didn’t matter if that was something she had never done. The idea of it alone had a warmth rushing to her core at the thought.

“Is that something you’d want to do?” she whined with Joel’s hips bucking up against hers again causing a moan to build up inside of her.

“Yes ma’am,” Joel growled, with her nibbling at his bottom lip. Every part of him felt like it was on fire with the way that she looked at him. He wouldn’t usually do something like this with someone. Especially someone he only knew for such a short time, but he was finding himself addicted to this whole thing. Tugging firmly at his messy hair with her free hand, she gave him a desperate nod. “Tomorrow then?”

“Tomorrow,” she agreed, her body numb with how much she wanted Joel. Everything about him had her nerves in a frenzy with her heart hammering away inside of her chest. “It’ll be hard for you not to move though. I’m very tight. You’ll have just as much trouble not making a sound.”

“Well then you’re just going to ache mighty bad,” Joel growled, pressing his forehead to hers with her dragging her hands down over the center of his chest. Lifting one of his hands, he curled his fingers around her neck giving it the faintest of squeezes. “Because my cock is big, and it’s pretty thick. You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into.”

“Maybe you should let me have some kind of a hint,” she cooed out, dropping her hands down to fumble with Joel’s belt working to get it open. But in her haste she was having more trouble with it than she would have liked. Chuckling against her lips had her whimpering out again. Gifting her with another kiss, he moaned himself when she sucked faintly at his tongue. Getting the belt apart, she started working open the button and the zipper in his jeans drawing forth a groan from Joel. “Maybe it’s time I showed you just how good my blowjob really is.”

“Maybe it is,” Joel agreed with her, his Adam’s apple bouncing in his throat. Stroking her hands down in over the sides of his face, Joel gazed over his shoulder and adjusted his positioning before her. Working with the material of his pants, Joel saw the hunger in her eyes and it sent an ache right to his growing erection.

Curling his fingers tighter around her neck, Joel hissed out when she lowered down before him. Swallowing down hard, Joel kept his dark eyes hooked on hers with her reaching up to start palming in over the front of his pants. Moaning out, Joel tipped his head back and winced with the restriction his jeans and his boxers still had over his hardening manhood.

Lifting up on her knees, she pushed with one of her hands at the bottom of his shirt to lift it up enough to start pressing wet kisses against the area right under his navel. Tiny nibbles led to another deep rumble of a moan with Joel bracing his feet firmly. Tugging at the material of Joel’s jeans managed to get them down enough in the front for her to lean into press a kiss against his length through the material of his boxers. It had him bracing his arm against the wall with his head leaning forward. Closing his eyes, even that fueled him more than he expected it to.

“Let’s see if your mouth is as good as your hands,” Joel growled having her tip her head back to stare up at him with big eyes. Dragging his thumb across her bottom lip had her taking it between her lips. Sucking faintly at him had his breathing growing louder, his head tipping back with the way one of her hands palmed and caressed over his cock through the material of his boxers. A raspy moan escaped his throat with him tugging back on her hair getting her to pull her mouth away from his thumb with a wet sound. “Okay, go ahead…”

There was a rush of excitement flooding through his veins with her looking drunk off him as she leaned in again to press a kiss at the outline of the tip of his cock through his boxers. Licking his lips, Joel stroked at the back of her head while she loosely hooked her fingers into the waistband of the material. 

“Joel,” a voice called out causing Joel to tense up with him looking back over his shoulder to see that Tommy was walking down the hallway toward them. It had Joel immediately reaching down swiftly trying to pull Y/N up to her feet. When Tommy realized what was happening, he made a strange sound with him turning on his heel. “Jesus Joel! She’s giving you a blowjob in the middle of the bar?”

“She’s not…” Joel’s voice was rasp while he worked to get his pants back in over his body. Struggling to get his belt back together, Joel turned in front of Y/N knowing that she was undoubtedly embarrassed with Tommy finding them like that. “Well…not yet.”

Tommy remained facing the other way and there was a heat flooding into Joel’s face. Gazing back at Y/N he could tell by the color in her cheeks that she couldn’t believe that happened either, “Tommy? What do you want?”

“Can I suggest you two go back to the inn if that’s what you’re trying to do?” Tommy commented, stealing a quick look back at them thankful that Joel had buckled his belt and pants back together. “The police here would love to make an example of you…”

“What do you want Tommy?” Joel stressed his question feeling his heart pounding inside of his body, leaving a severe ache at his temple. Right now? His body was so incredibly worked up that it hurt more than he cared to admit to have his jeans zipped up like they were.

“Maria didn’t see you and she wanted to know if the two of you left without saying goodbye,” Tommy explained to Joel who cussed something under his breath. Why did they have to watch him like he was a fucking baby and they were his babysitters? “I can tell her that the two of you decided to go back to the inn if you’d like. We both would understand.”

“The moment is kind of over,” she spoke up with a pant and it frustrated Joel to know that his brother interrupted something that they had going and building between them. Stepping aside, Joel looked upon her with his dark eyes as she fanned her face. “I could use some water.”

“Okay,” Joel agreed, holding his hand out for her to go ahead back to the table that Maria and Tommy were at previously. Looking down, Joel did his best to reach down to adjust himself with Tommy groaning out in disgust. “I could use some ice.”

“Hey,” Tommy reached for Joel, grabbing his arm before he could follow Y/N out into the main part of the bar. “Do you really think after everything she just told you that it’s a good idea to have things start off like that?”

“Like what?” Joel huffed, his brow line creasing with him staring out at his little brother. Right now he felt lightheaded with things and the last place he wanted to be with an erection still was near his little brother. “She wasn’t doin’ nothin’ she didn’t want to be.”

“I think this is a girl you might want to make love to Joel,” Tommy suggested with Joel chuckling and rolling his eyes that Tommy would even say something like that. “She’s broken. I don’t think the first thing you should be having her do is give you a blowjob in the middle of a bar.”

“I’m not taking sex advice from my little brother,” Joel asserted, patting Tommy firmly at the center of his chest. Groaning out, Tommy obviously didn’t like how rough Joel was with him as Joel moved around Tommy to go back into the main part of the bar. Heading to the table, Joel winced when he took a seat at the constrictive material of his jeans clinging to his body.

“Are you two okay?” Maria confirmed with them realizing that they both had a bit of color to them. Joel looked to Y/N who slowly nodded and Joel mirrored her movements. By the way they were panting, they weren’t hiding things too well. “Where’d you run off to?”

“We needed some air,” Joel lied to Maria, tapping his fingers against the top of the table. Part of him wished that he could convince Y/N to take him back to the inn where they could finish things off because he was physically aching. Truthfully? Joel couldn’t remember the last time he actually fooled around with someone other than his last girlfriend he had. And that was a very long time ago. His hand had pretty much become his only source of relief when it came to things, so his body was furious with him. “But now we’re back, so there is that.”

Sitting down uncomfortably, Tommy stared out at the both of them with an awkward expression. None of them were talking and Maria easily picked up on it. Clearing his throat, Joel looked to Maria who had a ginger ale in front of her that she was spinning a straw in.

“Tell you what Maria? I haven’t seen you with a drink all night,” Joel recalled throughout the night she was always drinking either water or a soda. Usually she would enjoy herself a little bit throughout the night, so he was surprised to see that. “You not in the mood for a beer tonight?”

That question led to an even more deafening silence. Maria looked to Tommy who shook his head and swallowed down hard. With their eyes something seemed to be going on between them. An unspoken conversation that both Y/N and Joel were noticing, “Is something wrong?”

“No Joel, we just…we learned something today,” Maria started, and in that moment? Tommy looked like he was ready to throw up. Covering Tommy’s hand with hers, Maria seemed to squeeze at Tommy’s fingers with a reassuring grasp. “I hadn’t been feeling great over the last few weeks and I decided to look into it. And I found out today that I’m pregnant. We’re going to have a baby.”

“We weren’t planning on telling anyone,” Tommy was quick to explain, his Adam’s apple bouncing in his throat with him shakily brushing his free hand through his long hair to slick it back. “Not until after Christmas. We wanted it to be a surprise so people could enjoy the holidays.”

“Oh hey,” Y/N smiled brightly, reaching out to give Maria’s shoulder a soft squeeze. “That’s awesome you two! Congrats!”

“Thank you,” they both spoke with Tommy seemingly more nervous than Maria. Instead of responding, Joel looked angry with his jaw flexing. His dark eyes narrowed and his breathing had grown louder.

“Say congrats Joel,” she nudged Joel in the ribs faintly having Joel wince and huff out loudly. Dragging his tongue out over his bottom lip, Joel looked down and forced himself to look away from them. “Joel?”

“Congrats,” Joel muttered still keeping his stare away from both Tommy and Maria only repeating what Y/N had told him to do in the moment. In her opinion? He had only done it to appease her. Which shocked her since Tommy and Joel seemed incredibly close.

Realizing that there was some serious tension amongst the table, Y/N could tell by Tommy’s expression that he was disappointed in Joel’s response to Maria being pregnant. Trying to think quickly, she cleared her throat and offered up a big smile, “Do you know how far along you are?”

“Not yet,” Maria answered with a shake of her head, her free hand lowering down to place in over her lower abdomen. “Today we just did a bunch of at home tests that confirmed it. I made an appointment with the doctor after Christmas to find out.”

“That’s amazing. Good for you,” she was surprised that Joel had completely shut down hearing that he was about to be an uncle. Right now she was at a loss for things to say. Especially since this should have been Joel’s job. Even though she had been around these people a bit since being here, she had only known these people a few days. “I bet you’re real excited.”

“Real excited,” Tommy stressed the words, his hands placing out in over the center of the table obviously trying to get Joel to look at him. Tipping his head back, Joel looked toward another area of the bar and folded his arms out in front of his chest. It didn’t take a genius to see that Tommy wanted his brother to respond in a way that most brothers would. “It’ll be nice to have a kid around.”

A tiny laugh escaped Joel’s throat and he shook his head, “Real nice.”

“Well I’m so glad we told you Joel,” Tommy sounded angry, but Maria was quick to hush him, her hand caressing in over his shoulder to calm him down. Swiftly turning his head, Joel’s brown eyes seemed furious with his little brother. “Maybe act like my big brother for just a second…”

Hearing the song changing in the background, Y/N was going to attempt to do her best to stop the oncoming fight that she could see coming between Joel and Tommy a mile away. Pressing her hand in over Joel’s chest and up over the side of Joel’s neck, she got Joel to look at her and felt the tension beneath her fingertips. By her touch, she was attempting to calm him, caressing at the side of his face. Nodding over toward the dance floor area, she knew it may be rude but figured it was for the best, “Joel, do you want to dance? I like this song.”

“No,” Joel was short in the way he answered her, lifting his hand to hook his fingers around her wrist to pull her hand away from his face. Stealing a quick look back at the dance floor, Joel saw the other people there having fun and laughing which only seemed to make him angrier. “Yesterday was a fluke. I don’t dance. It’s not for me.” 

“Oh,” she paused starting to feel completely out of place. Maria had gone silent. If anything? Maria was pissed off at Joel’s response. Tommy was hurt by Joel’s response and it didn’t seem like Joel gave a shit at all. This was something she knew nothing about. “Okay. Maybe I should leave? Give you three some time to talk.”

“I’ll walk you back,” Joel stood up from his seat reaching for his jacket to put it on. Hell, he didn’t even bother to look at Tommy nor Maria when Y/N slowly stood up from the seat. Reaching for Y/N’s jacket, Joel helped lead her arms into it and pulled it up over her shoulders. When they were ready to leave, Joel shoved his hands into the pockets of his jacket. Giving a nod, it looked like Joel wanted to say something, but nothing came out. Instead he lowered his head and let out a frustrated breath. “Goodnight.”

Leaving Y/N at the table, Joel headed back toward the door to leave. Standing before Tommy and Maria, she didn’t know what to say. If Joel was her boyfriend, she would apologize, but she didn’t even know what was going on enough to say something for Joel, “I really am happy for the two of you. This is something great.”

“Thank you Y/N,” Maria breathed, with a tired smile and now things were starting to make sense why Tommy had invited her earlier instead of allowing Maria to go snowmobiling with them.

“And thank you for being so kind to me tonight,” she spoke quietly, pointing toward the door that Joel had obviously already stepped out of because she could no longer see him. “I’m very thankful that you took me today and that you have been so nice about my past. A lot of people would have felt uncomfortable, but you two have been amazing to me. So thank you for not judging me and for being understanding.”

“As we all told you earlier, none of what happened was your fault Y/N,” Tommy stood up from the table and moved around to give her a quick hug. Suddenly it all made sense to her why Tommy had that nervous energy. Why he was drinking and why he was doing his best to make tonight a positive one. Squeezing her in his arms, Tommy sighed loudly and nodded toward the door. “Have a good night’s rest.”

Right now it felt like she should have said something more, but she didn’t. Leaving, she was embarrassed and she didn’t understand why. She hardly knew these people, but something felt wrong. A few feet away from the door Joel was standing outside quietly waiting for her. The streets were empty and it had started snowing pretty heavily while they were inside the bar.

“It’s snowing,” she pointed up toward the sky with Joel lazily lifting his head up. Nodding his head about, Joel shifted on his feet and sighed loudly. “A lot.”

“Yeah, that usually happens at night here around Christmas,” Joel commented, visibly not in the mood to really small talk with her. Walking side by side with Joel back to the inn, she felt like this wasn’t at all the man that she had been with all day.

“Listen, I know it’s none of my business,” she took a while to gain the strength to say anything at all since she didn’t know how to take what just happened.

“You’re right. It’s none of your business,” Joel stressed to her, looking to her with a firm expression. It had her throat going dry with her realizing that she was stepping out of line with her thinking that she could have any say in what was going on with his family. “You’re not part of my family, so you really don’t have to say anything at all.”

“You’re right, I don’t,” she agreed with him knowing that was his way of telling her that he didn’t want to hear whatever she was going to try to say to him. Instead of focusing on that moment, she reached out to brush some of his hair behind his ear but he was eager to pull his head back and away from her. “Sorry.”

Another round of silence surrounded them and she hated the way that this felt, “So do you at all miss the no snow down in Texas. I imagine that coming from a place like Texas to coming here is a big change. It’s hard for me with coming from New York. So a Texas guy? That had to be rough.”

“It snowed sometimes in Texas. I think it averaged like an inch of snow a year, but it still snowed,” Joel seemed short with his answer still not bothering to look over at her while he spoke about his home state.

“How much does it average here?” she questioned with Joel’s eyebrows bouncing up. Looking to her for a moment, Joel shrugged and cleared his throat.

“In the four hundreds, closer to the five,” Joel alerted her getting to laugh at how much the difference was between the two. Having her laughing about it provoked him to smirk and shake his head. “So yeah. Sometimes I miss the lack of snow. Especially since I walk in this shit all the time.”

“I can imagine,” she admitted, moving in closer to Joel while they walked together. Sliding her fingers down the length of his arm, she gently hooked her fingers with his. At first, he didn’t return the gesture. But when she went to pull them away, she could feel them hooking loosely with hers. “Thank you again for today by the way.”

“Why are you thanking me?” Joel didn’t seem to understand with his jaw flexing in discomfort. “I didn’t do anything.”

“You did. You let me come with you and your brother on that adventure which was really cool. You saved me when I crashed,” she listed off the things that he had done for her, her fingers grasping firmer to his. “And then when I told you about my past, you were very kind to me. You didn’t run away like some people might have.”

“Yeah,” Joel didn’t say much, just kept looking ahead toward the inn on their walk. Truthfully, she wished he would have said something more since that was a big moment for her. She didn’t usually tell people about her past, so the fact he blew it off that easily hurt a small bit. Then again, he did just react very poorly to hearing that his brother was going to be a father. When they got to the inn, he released her hand and stepped away from her. Pushing his hands into his pockets, he looked toward the door. “Have a good night.”

“Hey,” she called out to him when Joel started to walk away. Stopping in his tracks, Joel turned to face her with her pointing up toward the holly that was hanging over her head. Looking up, Joel felt his throat going dry looking at it. “Can we pretend that tonight this holly is still mistletoe and we can share another kiss?”

Thinking about the offer, Joel stepped forward toward her having a small amount of excitement flood her veins. Meeting Joel under the holly, she reached up to brace her hands in over Joel’s chest with him staring down at her. Tipping up on her toes, she expected Joel’s lips to collide with hers, but instead when she went to kiss him, he turned his head and had her kiss him on the cheek.

Stepping back and away from her, Joel’s breathing was louder and he looked upset. Standing there in silence, she felt her throat tightening up. How was she supposed to respond to something like that?

“So,” she spoke quietly since he had just denied her kiss so blatantly. “Do you want to come up to the room again? It doesn’t have to be anything naughty.” Realizing that might have been something that Joel would have preferred, she shrugged her shoulders and got him to look at her again. “Unless you want it to be.”

Joel scoffed, muttering something under his breath that was barely audible. Everything felt like it was spinning around her and she knew that she was desperate to still spend time with him, “We can just spend some time watching classic Christmas movies together? Get a blanket, sit on the couch together and watch television. Maybe after we can cuddle again. Truthfully last night was the best sleep I’ve had in years. Being in your arms…”

“What happened last night was a mistake,” Joel interrupted her with venom in his tone having her words come to a quick stop. There was more color beyond what was there from the coldness of the air surrounding them flooding into her face. “You don’t even know me. We’re strangers and what happened shouldn’t have happened.”

“A mistake?” she reiterated surprised to hear him say that after everything. With how hopeful he was this morning meeting her at the bottom of the stairs, she didn’t think he would change his mind this fast. “I don’t know, I thought today was really nice.”

“I’m just incredibly fucking horny and you’re the first person to throw yourself at me,” Joel acknowledged with a disappointed breath, looking down at the ground in frustration. Kicking his foot at the ground, Joel started sounding like the man she had talked to the first night. “I haven’t had sex in so very long that I confused my want to come as something more with you.”

“I just…” she began again, but he held his hands up to stop her before she could say anything more. “Joel?”

“I’m not the thing that is going to save you Y/N,” Joel declared, the lines in his forehead growing and the Joel that she had first met was now a spitting image of the man before her. The man that had opened up to her and showed her a different kind of man was gone. Instead he looked angry and frustrated with her. “I know you came here looking for something to give your life meaning and you think that somehow I’m that. But? I’m not!”

Hearing that left her with an ache that surprised her since Joel was using her words that she had said earlier to him and the other two against her, “That’s what you took from what I said earlier?”

“Tell me I’m wrong,” Joel moved in closer to her, his head tipping to the side searching for some kind of answer from her. When she didn’t answer him, he nodded his head about. “I’m a man that just met you. And I didn’t even like you at first Y/N. Thirty-six hours ago I couldn’t stand you. And suddenly you are looking at me like we have something important going on here. You are just some random girl that came to my town because she was miserable and ended up getting a room at my inn. You aren’t important to me, do you understand that?”

Biting down on her bottom lip, she nodded her head knowing whatever happened between Tommy and Joel back there had to be big for him to severely erupt on her like this, “I understand.”

“Don’t,” Joel warned her realizing that she looked like she was about to get emotional. “No, you see you’re a random person that I shouldn’t have even met. I have my own responsibilities Y/N. I have a life here and I can’t be responsible for fixing you when I can barely even fix myself. Did you think the two of us were just going to have this amazing romance while you were here? That it would be short lived until you decided to get back on a plane and go home when you felt like it had been a good enough time away from your real life?”

“I don’t know,” she was starting to feel small with the way that Joel was talking down to her.

“I just wanted to fuck you,” Joel asserted, his head shaking when he closed the distance between the two of them. “But not because I liked you, but because I was desperate. We weren’t going to fall in love and have some kind of long-distance romance between us. Because that? That’s unrealistic. Relationships barely work as it is, so a long distance one? That has absolutely zero chance of making it.”

Going silent, she wasn’t even sure what to say at this point with Joel starting to pace, “And another thing Y/N. You are so sure and so insistent that you are good at sex, but if you were really as good as you thought you were, your boyfriend would have never dumped you honey. I promise you that.”

“Ouch,” she chuckled at the personal attack he gave her and she nodded her head slowly. “I guess you’ll never know.”

“I could be wrong,” Joel pointed toward his chest, shaking his head about as he stood before her. “But I highly doubt that. Because most men will put up with a lot in order to get laid. Especially if the sex is as good as you say it is. Then again, there is that chance he just got sick of you being so overbearing. Which I could easily see.”

“And now we’re back to the personal attacks,” she exhaled loudly noticing that the Joel she had experienced over the last twenty-four hours was completely gone and the cold, angry Joel she had first met had fully returned. “It’s sad you’re going back to this Joel. I thought we had a really nice day today.”

“I’m not emotionally capable of being the thing that you need in your life,” Joel claimed, a sense of anger flooding throughout his entire body. “I don’t make people’s lives better Y/N, I poison them. The quicker you learn that? The better things will be.”

There was a broken sound that escaped Joel and it seemed like he was about to get emotional, but he held it back and turned away from her. Stepping forward, she tried to reach out to touch him and comfort him starting to think this was an emotional outburst for something that he needed someone to be there for him for. But once she touched him, he pulled away from her like her touch was fire.

“I don’t understand,” she whispered, feeling unexpectedly sad about Joel’s response that he had toward her.

“That doesn’t surprise me,” Joel scoffed, heading in the other direction leaving her standing outside of the inn alone.

With Joel so far in the distance, it left her with more questions about everything than having any answers. All she knew? That interaction surprisingly hurt. And it hurt a lot.

----

Tags: @jdmorganz @carolineesnell @ayumi-wolf @dilfsandmartinis @christinamadsen

@brittmb115 @thegirlwiththemostcake3

[sturnslutz]

doomsday

tw: vomiting, mention of lacing, angst. def recommend listening to the song above on repeat while reading! the return of fratboy!chris and independent!reader 😇

it wasn't not normal for chris to distance himself from people. he didn't mean to, but sometimes everything just becomes too much.

sports, his schoolwork, you. it all became too much. he knew he didn't have feelings for you, of course not. but you distancing yourself from him after hookups changed something in him that he didn't know could be changed.

you heard from matt that chris wasn't doing too well, and you couldn't help but wonder just a bit. it wasn't like you were asking him if he was okay every second, but you texted him a couple times just checking in and all you got were a couple dry responses and sometimes just plain being left on read.

it didn't affect you too much though. why should it? you guys hooked up a couple times, that's it.

it was until it's been weeks since you heard from him that really affected you. the aching in between your legs caused you to go hookup with some old hookups, but chris lingered in your mind.

where had he gone?

matt had called you. "rosy, chris isn't okay. y'needa get to my place now."

that's all he had said before the line went flat. you quickly got ready, hopping into your car and driving to matt's building which was about 10 minutes away. you made your way upstairs, knocking on matt's door and it being opened with vey.

she had this look that made you uneasy. "what happened?" you quickly whispered to her as she took your hand and led you in. "he got laced."

your heart drops at the sight. chris and matt in the bathroom with chris hunched over the toilet, gagging heard throughout the dorm. matt was sitting next to him, noticing you got here and stood up and made his way next to you, leading you into the bathroom.

"chris? it's rosy." you sat down next to him, rubbing his back. he looked up, wiping his mouth. he had never looked like this. his eyebags were the worst you had ever seen, his face was pale, and he had clearly lost a ton of weight.

he had tears running down his face, and a tired look. he said nothing to you before closing the toilet lid, and flushing it, before standing up and washing his mouth out in the sink before walking past vey and matt and flopped down on matt's bed, all without a word.

you looked at matt with sadness in your eyes, but also a bit of confusion. matt and vey both walked into the bathroom, shutting it as you stood up and leaned against the sink. "what the fuck happened?" a voice no more than a whisper came out of your lips.

"he's been in a really bad place recently. he didn't tell me or nick why but he's been staying with a friend off campus these past couple days. and this guy is like a well known drug addict and he's the one who chris gets all his shit from. i guess chris smoked or took some stuff from him that had something in it, and he passed out in the guy's house. i tracked his phone because he wasn't calling me back or anything, got to the house, saw chris passed out on the ground in the living room. his guy was nowhere to be found, and i stayed with chris till he woke up, and took care of him until we drove back here."

matt explained everything and vey had gotten emotional at the thought of everything, her eyes welling up with tears as she sniffled, turning away from the both of you. you knew vey has had some experiences with lacing and drugs, all of that, from her family so the topic was sensitive to her.

matt rubbed her back and you stayed silent, just thinking. chris almost died. you knew chris obviously wasn't doing so good, but the thought of him passing out and just seeing how he looked made you distressed.

"when was this?" you asked softly as you looked up to matt's saddened face. "about 8 hours ago. he's been vomiting for the past 3. i'm thinking about taking him to the hospital if he doesn't stop. thankfully, the time periods in between his vomiting have gotten longer. i called nick and my parents already, and nick's on his way right now and my parents are heading over soon. i just hate knowing they're gonna see him like this."

your thoughts were quickly interrupted at the noise of someone banging on the dorm's door. matt opened the bathroom door, exiting it and opening the front to nick bursting in. "chris, oh my god." he said without another word as he walked over to chris who glanced up, sighing. "nick, i'm fine." his voice was almost nonexistent and came out raspy.

nick wrapped his arms around chris and sat down next to him. chris merely hugged him back, glancing over his shoulder, looking at you with distressed eyes. neither of you broke eye contact as tears welled up in your eyes. you hated crying in front of people.

you broke the eye contact as you coughed, looking up at the ceiling, blinking and trying to get rid of the blurry vision as you turned back into the bathroom. vey followed in after you, closing the door and rubbing your back as you covered your mouth, not being able to hold in the sobs anymore.

choked sobs and coughs bounced off the walls, and vey brought you into her arms, rubbing your back and hair, quietly reassuring you as you wrapped your arms around her, sobbing into her shoulder and neck. you were sure the triplets could hear you despite the meer piece of wood blocking you guys, but you didn't care.

you weren't one to cry for others but someone so close to you, chris more or less erupted more emotions from deep inside you that haven't been released in months.

you didn't know why you were crying like this over him. it's not like you guys were dating but the love in your heart, even if it's just a bit, overcame you.

after a couple minutes of vey whispering into your ear and rubbing your back, you had finally calmed down just a bit. "it's so fucking embarrassing i'm crying like this." you muttered into your hands as you broke your body away from vey's and sliding down the wall next to you, pulling your knees up to your chest.

she slipped down next to you, rubbing your knee. "it's not. at all. i need you to understand that what you're feeling is perfectly normal and it's a normal response to something as severe as this happening. hell, even i cried. and so did matt. he called me when he was lying next to chris, sobbing into the phone and praying that chris was going to wake up. we all understand how you're feeling, rosy. this isn't something small, this was serious. i'm happy you're allowing yourself to let these emotions out."

vey reassured you, making you feel a lot better. the thought of matt sobbing to her over the phone and praying for chris made your heart tighten with the ringing thought that chris had seriously almost died.

you took a couple moments to recollect yourself, before taking a deep breath. "it's gonna be so embarrassing when i walk out. the whole building probably just heard me crying." you laughed softly, and vey gave a sad smile, shrugging.

"probably. doesn't mean it was pointless though. c'mere." she stood up, taking your hand and bringing you up also. she ripped off a couple paper towels, wetting them and wiping your eyes and cheeks.

you had looked into the mirror, your face and eyes red and puffy, and dried mascara staining your cheeks before vey wiped it off. she rewet the towels before holding them against your eyes, instantly soothing your burning vision.

once she was finished, she tossed them into the trash. "you ready?" she softly asked, her hand hovering over the knob and you gave a slight nod. she opened it, matt waiting next to the door before his eyes flickered up, looking at the both of you. "you guys okay?" he softly asked the both of you as she nodded and you shrugged.

you looked over to the bed, seeing nick and chris in the same position, but now nick was rubbing chris's back as chris cried into his hands. your heart dropped again, he was crying because he heard you sob.

he looked up, his red puffy face similar to yours. "i- am so sorry. i don't know why i ghosted everyone, i don't know why i left, i don't know why i took anything that fucking bitch gave me. you were the only thing in my mind when i was doing everything, and i just couldn't control anything i did. i was stressed out over fucking everything. rosy, and everyone, im so sorry." while he was talking, he stood up and got close to you, cupping your cheeks, looking down at you.

in other instances, this would've been so embarrassing for the both of you, this action being very unrecognizable for the both of you, but right now, no one cared. all everyone cared about was, chris's wellbeing.

some time had passed, and you and vey had left. the triplets' parents had come and the both of you decided to give the family some space. matt had insisted you to stay to meet them, but you declined almost immediately. it's not like you didn't want to, but it was a big step for you.

that night, nick and matt had made a groupchat with you and vey and had told you guys that their parents insisted on bringing chris to the hospital. they told you he vomited again, and passed out due to dehydration. he woke up and they're probably staying the night in the hospital to make sure chris's vitals were stable, and for now they were.

vey had decided to come over and take your mind off of everything. you had thought about smoking, but decided not to because of everything today. so, you both resorted to making slime, skincare, eating, and watching movies.

it felt like a weight off your shoulders knowing chris was okay.

@muwapsturniolo @lovergirl4gracieabrams @m4ttg1rl @lypsiiii @tyummyz @sturniqlo @emely9274 @shadowthesim @mattsobvimyfav @sturnl0ve @wastelandzella @fallininlust @chrisslut04 @sophand4n4 @vainilladollie @slutforchrissturniolo2 @ncm9696 @snoopychris @sofieeeeex @chr0mehrts @cockettechris @iloveduckssm @stvrnioloslvt @sturn777 @priscillaog @allylovescody @sturniolo101 @mattssslutbby @mattybsgroupie @mattysketchup @m11rx @slut4brunettes @trevorsgodmother @chrislova @slut4christopherr @sturns-mermaid @oopsiedaisydeer comment to be added or removed.

[lara-kaminari]

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬 𝐢𝐭 𝐚𝐥𝐥

Ominis GauntxF!Reader

art from @tamayula-hl and dedicated to her because she defines perfectly that art can provoke such beautiful things in people as happiness, longing and sadness.

Ominis Gaunt reflects on his role in life. Winners take all and losers fall, isn't that how it works?

Tw: Angst - Based on an ABBA Song - ABBA is Its Own Warning

Ominis Gaunt had always believed the world was divided into winners and losers. His father used to say:

“The winner takes it all, Ominis. The loser is insignificant beside victory. That is their fate.”

It was a life rule Ominis tried to avoid, but it seemed omnipresent. He had felt like a loser his entire life. He was never the most loved son, the most cherished friend, or anyone’s first choice. Everyone else seemed to find their purpose, except for him.

For a time, that was fine. Ominis learned to blend into the shadows; quiet observation and careful listening became his survival tools in a cruel world full of winners who basked in their achievements. Being a loser was bearable, as long as he surrounded himself with the right people.

Against his better judgment, Sebastian was a winner. A winner in every sense of the word. Everyone loved him—he was charming, fun, and destined to succeed in life. It wasn’t easy living in the shadow of your best friend, especially when that shadow turned into sheer darkness. A consuming, harmful darkness.

At the start of their fifth year, Ominis decided to change.

She wasn’t a loser. She walked into the Great Hall like a champion, a dragon-slayer, a stunning (according to whispered voices) and kind student.

Ominis was a loser, so of course, he was angry when he found her outside the Undercroft. Why was she there? Did Sebastian invite her? Had she gained his trust so easily? Typical winners—they seemed to sense success in each other.

No. He wouldn’t shrink beside victory. That wouldn’t be his fate.

Ominis did terrible things. Joining in Sebastian’s antics wasn’t honest or true to him. Oh, why did she push him to break the rules? Why did she defend Sebastian so passionately? It would be her downfall. Sebastian wasn’t a winner—he was just someone who knew how to mask his failures.

The gods could roll their cold, icy dice, and someone down here would lose a loved one. Sebastian was their puppet. A murderer.

“I don’t know what to do,” she cried.

Ominis didn’t either. No one ever told him that winners hid corpses or sent their friends to prison for life. None of that sounded like success. He asked for time to think; she did too. Sebastian waited.

And that night, Ominis tasted a drop of victory.

She couldn’t sleep and sought him for comfort. Two students breaking the rules, sleeping together in the same bed. It didn’t matter. Sebastian wasn’t there. The other boys weren’t there either.

Ominis whispered soothing words in her ear. She was worried, afraid of making a terrible decision. All he could think about was how right it felt to be in her arms, to finally belong somewhere, to have a purpose. He imagined a life away from Hogwarts and his family, just with her. He’d build her a house with a wooden fence, something to make him feel stronger. More like a man, less like a boy.

But he was a fool and kept playing by the rules.

“Let’s not turn Sebastian in,” he had said.

There was silence. The choice was hers, but Ominis had given her the push. He would carry the burden. Losers do that. Losers sacrifice. Losers…

Losers get kissed.

Softly, like a morning breeze. No, this wasn’t what losing felt like. This felt like winning. It was fulfilling, like reaching nirvana. Ominis, emboldened, stole another kiss—longer, clumsier, but utterly divine. Afterward, they both fell asleep.

Sebastian was a winner, so he claimed what was his. He consumed her completely, regained her trust, called her beautiful, and kissed her in public. Ominis stepped aside. Those were the rules.

The judges made their decisions. Ominis accepted them. He was a spectator of a spectator. Always staying beneath.

“So, you’re marrying him.”

Years later, Ominis wondered if there was any point in denying defeat.

“Well, I said yes,” she joked. “I suppose that seals the invisible contract.”

“Very funny. Why are you here instead of celebrating with the others? Your engagement party seems like the event of the year.”

“I saw you… You looked uncomfortable. Then you left, and now I’ve found you here alone, away from everyone.”

“It’s nothing. The noise gets overwhelming sometimes, and I needed a moment.”

“Are you sure?”

Ominis wondered if she ever thought of him. Did Sebastian kiss her the way he once had? Did she feel anything when he said her name?

“Was I ever an option?” Ominis asked.

“What?”

“I mean… Did I—”

“No, I heard you,” she interrupted. “You never wanted to be an option. You never did anything to make it so. Why… Why now? Couldn’t you—?”

“It’s foolish. I’m sorry.”

“Exactly! You always do this. You regret, turn away, wash your hands of everything, and leave people behind like—”

“I never—”

“You’re a liar. And now you’re pretending… Was it so easy for you to ignore everything? Deep down, you must have known I needed you.”

“You didn’t need me. That’s why you let Sebastian into your life when I told you to forgive him, and that’s why you’re marrying him.”

“Of course I am! Because he loves me, and I love him. He’s proven it every day and never let me go without explanation. Sebastian is devoted. I love him for that. He’s shown me it’s worth fighting for the one you love.”

Ominis grumbled. Fighting. The game was starting again. What could he hope for? A lover? A friend? Something big or small?

“I don’t want to talk about what we’ve been through,” she said, and Ominis swore he heard a sob. “Even though it hurts, what you’re saying now is history. I played my cards, and so did you…”

“I didn’t—”

“There’s nothing left to say. No ace to play.”

It was true. Maybe they were both losers. There was only one winner, and he had taken it all.

“Fine. I don’t want to talk if it makes you sad. I understand you came to offer me a hand, and I’m sorry if I upset you by—”

“By looking so tense? So unsure of yourself?” she said.

“Yes.”

She didn’t add anything else. She returned to the party.

That’s how it was meant to be. The winner takes it all, and the loser has to fall. The gods had rolled their icy dice and struck down their favorite loser. It was simple. Why complain?

But if it was so simple, why was Ominis crying?

[shyamanuensis]

MC's heart is broken - HL headcanon

You break up with your boyfriend --- here's one interpretation of how the boys would handle it/you:

Garreth

🟊 blink and you'd have missed how fast garreth was to find you once the rumours of your breakup had begun to swell throughout the gryffindoor common room. knowing full well you're not particularly an open person when it comes to your private affairs; he's quick to whisk you away to a quiet corner of the castle where the two of you can just talk - or scream if you need to.

🟊 every attempt he tries at making you laugh to forget about whats going on only causes more tears to flow at this point but you can't tell the difference between tears of sadness and tears of laughter as your lips curl into a tiny smirk at his antics.

🟊"i could poison him?" "garreth no - just… no."

🟊 he'd spend the rest of the week plotting out his own revenge on your ex with elaborate ideas he's aware you'd never actually approve of him doing, but the way it plays out in his mind is good enough for him. eventually, he comes up with some petty and lame excuse and reports it to his aunt which has your ex suddenly in a cauldron load of trouble and while you're suspicious; garreth denies being involved in anything.

🟊 follows you around like a gold retreiver guard dog until he's certain you've recovered - this could be days, weeks or months; and every time your ex just happens to walk by, he's nothing but quick to remind you that you can most defintely do better and that ex's are ex's for a reason.

Ominis

🟊your demeanour had changed and Ominis felt it smack into him like a brick wall. your usual bubbly self had turned cold and distant and any time he tried to bring up the subject, no matter how delicate he was - you shot him down time after time. this didn't put him off though. as your best friend he knew you'd eventually cave in and talk to him.

🟊"but what does she have that i don't? what does he see in her?" he knew better than to answer these questions because it in the past, they only quickly had him dig his own grave. instead he'd learnt to stay silent and just let you vent. or cast confringo on sebastian as he entered the undercroft - whatever makes you feel better.

🟊 not one for physical affection or touch, ominis will willingly let you hug him because you just 'need one' and softly pat your back near robotically as he isn't sure what else to do until you tell him that he doesn't need to do anything and just allow himself to be squeezed a little tighter as you cry into his chest. the dampness of his shirt bothers him, but he'll allow it - just this once.

🟊 those pretty flowers which get delivered to your dorm? yeah you're fully aware your ex isn't capable of such a thing, even when the two of you were dating but ominis insists he'd never in a million years buy flowers for a girl - let alone you. the fact they've come with his favourite chocolates though; the ones with the peppermint centres which you keep stealing from his pockets when you think he isn't looking is a dead give away he's trying to cheer you up.

🟊 will walk into your ex causing them to trip/fall/drop what they're carrying and use the 'sorry - can't see' excuse. that potion they've been working on; destroyed. that new girl they've been talking to - put off by the fact they're so clumsy. that staircase they're near… you get the point.

Sebastian

🟊 he sees those tears in your eyes and immediately knows what's happened - "he's dead!"

🟊 it seems sebastian is the one who needs calming down and not you although you're the one actually dealing with the broken heart. the way he paces around your dorm room just spitballing the revenge he's going to unleash with tight fists at his side while you're sitting on your bed wondering why the hell you even told him knowing he'd over react.

🟊 eventually he comes around - or so it seems - and just lets you rest your head on his shoulder in peace, happy to sit in silence and just appreciate you have a friend around for company. psyche - no his mind is silently plotting revenge, he's just fooling you into thinking he's completely calm by the way he rubs your arm and brushes his thumb across your knuckles sweetly.

🟊 somehow he turns into the most perfect psuedo boyfriend and fills in the gap between best friend and more. doors held open, hair tucked behind your ear with a compliment, careless whispers of nothing hot against your skin all infront of your ex. sebastian's of course trying to rile him up and get a reaction. that's how he ended up with a black eye one night after astronomy but refuses to tell you the truth and the whole story.

🟊"you can do so much better than that twat…" it's a quiet reminder - when you're both alone in the library which he doesn't think you'll pick up on because of how hard you're studying. your eyes have barely left the parchment your quill has been scratching it and his eyes haven't left you. maybe someday you'll find out how he feels, but until then; sebastian's just happy to protect you from the evil ex's you seem to keep spawning.

[ttjisung]

back 2 u 𝜗𝜚

p. jisung x fem!reader smau - exes to lovers

in which jisung does his best to avoid you, his ex, until he realizes his mistake far too late cw: suggestive themes, bad angst, cheating, swearing

i'm not going back, back, back, back, back

masterlist

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chapter vxii. (wc: 1.6k)

It had been a couple of days since Jisung had to cancel his dinner reservation for you both, and he wouldn’t admit it to anyone but as he called to let the host know, he had to hold in his tears.  

Everyday he struggled holding back from messaging you again – you made it clear that you’d prefer not to talk, but the clock was ticking and soon enough the confrontation that your friend group planned would take place. Jisung felt as though he needed to act quickly, and maybe you’d reward his regret with your attention. After the reunion in Yangyang and Dejun’s apartment, he drove straight to his apartment and began to watch rom-coms, holding a comically large notebook and pen to take notes. What he hadn’t expected, ranging from 10 Things I Hate About You to She’s All That, was the realization that if he was you, he wouldn’t forgive himself either. All of the male love interests were assholes, and had he not cried previously, he’s sure he would’ve once more knowing he was the asshole in your story. 

“You really need to stop checking those messages, Ji.” Renjun’s concerned voice rang out as he glanced over his friend’s shoulder, realizing he was once again reading the previous messages he sent to you, and moping around. Dodging the side eye Donghyuck sent Jisung’s way, he slipped his phone away, changing the topic. “Do you think he’s plotting on her right now?” The shrug his friends gave him only worsened the pit in his stomach that dropped as he imagined Jaemin and you together.

Jisung had to admit – he wasn’t blind. He had always known about Jaemin’s attraction to you, but it never raised any red flags. I mean, the younger of the two had fallen for you at first sight, it was no wonder that others wanted you too. What he didn’t know was how far the male was willing to go to steal you away from him.  

Sleeping that night was hard for Jisung, not knowing that you were in his exact same predicament. 

If you were being truthwell as well, you’d confess your darkest secret – a part of you had already forgiven Jisung. You noticed this part of you earlier, when Yangyang had to embarrassingly steal your own phone from you after you tried to call him, two bottles of Soju deep. Feeling motivated, you decided you’d walk to his apartment instead to talk. Dejun quickly locked the door and led you back to the living room. 

“Okay so… Okay… Think about it, okay?” Your words were slurred as you leaned on Yangyang’s shoulder for support. He nodded his head, prompting you to continue your drunk ramble. “Okay… He like… If I was him and I got told he cheated on me by one of you, like… Like I’d be sad too a bit I think. Cause you’re my bffs, and I trust you as much as him… So, I have decided to forgive-""Shut up, will you?” His voice quickly cut you off, and your eyes nearly missed the way he rolled his. 

It was as if an emotional alter ego possessed you every time you’d drink, mourning and crying about your relationship. Your friends simply hoped you wouldn’t remember when you were sober, because you’d either text him back with no one holding you back, or bash your head in from embarrassment. They didn’t know which one was worse. Unbeknownst to both, you remembered regardless, and it only added to the anxiety in your chest.

Before any of you knew it, it was Tuesday. The carefully crafted plan would take place tomorrow, and although you acted nonchalant when it was mentioned previously, you were more nervous than you cared to let off. You weren’t exactly sure why, considering you had barely interacted with the male before, and there was no true consequence for you. If you looked into it, though, you’d probably see the true cause of your anxiety – after this was finished, what would that mean for you and Jisung? 

You were upset with him, of course, but having barely experienced the pain of your break up weeks before, there was still a part of you that missed him. That being said, you couldn’t find it in yourself to contact him, or make the first move. He was the one that messed up, and it felt embarrassing to be the first to cave. 

As your bad luck had predicted, you were unknowingly forced into a difficult confrontation as the bell dinged in your favorite cafe, meaning someone else had stepped into the small building. Although the place essentially empty, you continued to read the book you had brought, not exactly being shocked by another person’s presence. What did shock you was when the voice spoke out, calling your name. “Y/n?” 

Your eyes widened at the familiar deep tone, shrinking into yourself as you edged away from Jisung, who was staring at you with wide eyes and weirdly red cheeks. All you managed to let out in response was a small “Umm… Hi.” “Hi… Can I… Can I sit with you?” “You haven’t even ordered yet.” His blush grew deeper as he realized you were right, he hadn’t. Quickly rushing to the counter and buying an already packaged coffee from the refrigerator next to him, he awkwardly shuffled back to your table - the only one being used. “I got something,” You nodded at him, still tense from the shock of seeing him, and he lifted a hand to cover the bottom half of his face in shame, “So, umm. Can I sit here now? Please.” You weren’t used to seeing him so flustered. Although he hadn’t ever been an introvert particularly, he never acted this way with you. 

You were panicking mentally, not knowing whether you should say yes or no. You feared if you said yes, he’d try to bargain with you about your relationship - a conversation you weren’t ready to have - yet if you were to decline, it would add ten pounds to the preexisting weight on your shoulders, making it more difficult to see him tomorrow. 

Painfully long seconds passed as you debated your two options, and as the time went by, Jisung’s face grew more and more pleading. Shifting so that he’d be closer to the chair facing yours, he took his shaky hand off his face and placed it on the back of the piece of furniture, in deluded hopes that it’d convince you to accept his request sooner. Not thanks to his weird tactic, but instead your sympathy, you nodded.  

Not wasting any time, and partially out of fear that you'd change your mind if he took too long, he rushed to sit down, leaving his drink on the table and staring at you intensely. “Ummm… I forgot that you knew about this place too. I’m– I’m sorry if I’m like, intruding.” He wasn’t sorry at all. If he was sorry, he wouldn’t have approached you like this, but you decided to simply blink twice and nod your head in acknowledgement. “It’s fine. I don’t mind seeing you in public, Jisung. We’re not enemies.” Although you had positive intentions with your words, wanting to ease the tension from his apology, he frowned deeply at what you said – the implication that you were closer to enemies than lovers left him feeling unsettled. 

You chose not to read into his facial expression, taking a sip of your drink and looking out the window instead. “How… How have you been?” The words sounded like they were painful coming from Jisung’s mouth, yet you appreciated how he changed the topic, because you did not wish for another uncomfortable conversation with him. 

“I’ve been… Fine. How about you?” “Well, I– me too. I’ve just been thinking about things, you know?” You hummed in agreement, not wanting to dive further into the things he’d been thinking of. “Are you ready for tomorrow?” Somehow, this new topic made you wish for the old one to return, but you refused to let your act slip so you just shrugged. “I guess so. Regardless of what happens, I don’t really know Jaemin so it’ll be fine.” Jisung nodded at your reply, eternally grateful that you were clearly disinterested in the male. “If you want, I could give you a ride?” The small laugh that you unwillingly let out had his heart swelling, and he swore his body warmed up at the sound. “Did you forget it’s at my place?” Jisung moved to cover his face once more, knowing he just made a fool out of himself. “I might’ve…” The way your eyes slightly crinkled had his mirroring you. You were somewhat enjoying the conversation if your laugh was proof, which meant you might reciprocate other actions. He took his hand off his face, placing it on the table boldly near yours – not enough to touch, but enough to send a message. 

For a second, you let it happen. It felt so natural that it’d be wrong to pull away, yet your brain replaced your heart, choosing to move your hands. The fact that you let yourself slip and laugh along with him was bad enough to create another problem in your head, and it had your mind reeling. “I… I have to go now, take care.” Almost like a gust of wind, you were gone before Jisung could even look up and beg you to stay and talk. 

Although the evening hadn't necessarily ended well, Jisung walked back to his apartment with several mixed thoughts in his head, hope renewing at the memory of your laugh. He kept reminding himself that he was closer than he had been before, and the idea of his progress with you lulled him to sleep.

a/n: hai guys... i know... i lied and took way longer than expected... my little excuse is that i got a new phone and it's so hard to replicate all of the smau profiles on every fake app to my new one <3 and i fear i've been so unmotivated to write lately tbh. but a hit off the penjamin has inspired me like nothing before so i'll figure it out :3 new deep ocean update coming soon as well. and my new jungwoo fic ^_^

taglist: @dinonuguaegi @cookydream @haechansbbg @lisaswifey @fae-renjun @dudekiss3r @doughyk @sunflowerhae @sunghoonsgfreal @jsbluu @lizzieray

[sunny374940]

I will be waiting with open arms

Do you remember when I said I made myself sad with a story about Emmrich dying? Guess what I've finished? I made myself cry and now I am making this fic everyone's problem.

Emmrich dies at the age of ninety seven and Rook, who is seventy two now, receives one last letter from his love.

Cw: major character death (offscreen, not described)

Hello, @mercars-musings I am here to deal emotional damage

(Next up is Pining 2.0 Emmrich's POV, starring Davrin and Assan as wingmen, because I need the sad to go away)

Here on ao3

Edit: here is part 2

And here are my other stories

There was a knock on the door and Rook dragged himself out of his armchair with a sigh. The chair next to his own was glaringly empty and he felt his eyes sting with more tears, so he wiped them away and went to see just who had decided to bother him right after the funeral.

“GREETINGS, ROOK,” Vorgoth said as the door opened.

“Hi, Vorgoth. Is everything alright?”

They’d met at the service, so why would he come to visit him at home?

“THIS IS FOR YOU.”

Vorgoth was handing him an envelope and the neat handwriting on it was unmistakably Emmrich’s. Rook stared at it, at a loss for words, and when he looked up, Vorgoth was gone. There was a single word on the envelope - Rook. He opened it and took out the letter, noticing that the paper was crinkled in a few places, letters smudged as if waterstained. His legs were suddenly very weak and he felt that he should sit back down before he read it, so he settled back into the armchair.

9th of Parvulis, 9:94 Dragon

My darling Rook,

I have entrusted this letter into Vorgoth’s care, to be delivered to you after my funeral. I hope you can forgive an old man's wish to have one last goodbye.

I can feel the span of my days drawing to a close at last. I have lived a long life, longer than most, and even though a better half of it was spent waiting for you to come into it, I wouldn’t exchange the time we had together for anything.

I have made peace with my demise, as should you, my dear. I'm sure you are frowning right now, disagreeing with me, but it is true. Those fears that plagued me are long buried in the past, overshadowed by the joy of having lived my life to the fullest. With you. For what would eternity be without you there? Death seems a small price to pay for what you've given me.

As I look out the window at the yellowing leaves of our cherry tree, I find myself thinking back to the day you married me. You looked so beautiful with the flowers in your hair and I was the happiest man in the world. As I am even now. I am honored beyond words that you chose to take me as your husband and stay with me for all those years, even as I grew old (I can see you bristling at the word, but ninety seven years is hardly young, by my count).

I’d never expected such happiness to find its way to me, yet here I am, blessed with a family that has grown so much since the time it was just the two of us and Manfred. First little Elanora, and what a wonderful woman she has grown into!

And I still cannot believe that I got to have not just children, but a grandchild as well. Rupert (do you remember how I cried, when Ellie chose the name?) has grown so much. It feels impossible that he is already fifteen and well on his way to becoming a man. I am actually waiting for him to come visit as I write this and I hope to hide away the tears before the boy arrives. I don't need to ask you to take care of them, for I know you will.

I love you, Rook. I love you, I love you, I love you. I have told you every day and yet it doesn't feel like enough.

Please, do not spend too long mourning me. Live out your days, take joy in our family and know that you were the brightest light of my life.

Goodbye, darling, may we meet again in the afterlife. I will be waiting for you with open arms. And do visit the Memorial Gardens in the meantime, I will be there in spirit.

Forever yours,

Emmrich

Rook's hands were shaking, making the paper flutter in his grip. The tears started falling, landing on the letter and he quickly set it down on the side table, terrified of destroying Emmrich’s last words to him.

He was crying, ugly heaving sobs were tearing their way out of him and he couldn't stop himself. He buried his face in his hands. He hadn't cried like this at the funeral, couldn't allow himself to, but now the weight of it all was coming down on him. After what felt like hours the tears dried up and he was staring numbly ahead. Distantly, he heard footsteps coming closer.

“Dad?”

Ellie's hand was on his back, the gesture so similar to how Emmrich used to touch him that he choked back another sob.

“Hi, bug,” he whispered, and this once she didn't reprimand him for using her childhood nickname.

There were tears streaming down her face as well and he opened his arms for her. She climbed into his lap, draping her arms around his neck and he was young again and she was five years old, crying over a skinned knee. But this time the wound ran deeper and they held each other through the tears.

“I miss him so much,” she sobbed against his shoulder. “It felt like he would be here forever and now he's gone. I hate it!”

“I know, El. I hate it too,” he said, stroking her back in soothing circles, much like he had seen Emmrich do so many times before and why did everything have to remind him of Emmrich when he was gone!

But weren't the memories just the thing? He knew that Emmrich would say that they should take comfort in the memories they had of him, of the life they shared, instead of mourning what they could no longer have. He sighed and even Ellie's sobs were finally quieting down.

“Hey, bug?”

“Yeah?”

“Wanna come with me to the Memorial Gardens? I could tell you again about how me and you daddy met.”

“I'd love that, dad.”

She smiled at him and the world slowly began setting itself right again.

[heazueken]

Hi, I saw you were taking requests ? I just read your vastaya!Jayce fic and it was really really good and since you're open to requests, I wondered, why not try ? If it's alright ?

I just had that thought that... I don't think Jayce ever saw Viktor crying. Crying is often a byproduct of sadness or frustration but also sometimes joy. Or sometimes, it's a "everything is just too much and I need to purge it" and I think Viktor would really benefit from a good cry. I don't know, I just have this really vivid image of Jayce whipping away Viktor's tears with his thumb, or kissing the corner of his eyes and comfort him ?

thanks a lot if you have the time or inspiration to give it a shot but otherwise it's more than fine ! I hope you have a good day !

thank you so much omg! i had a ton of fun writing it if you couldn’t tell lol!

when i read this request i immediately thought you want my dead. reminding me of this, i view viktor as so restrained and someone who bottles up his feelings bc who the hell can he go to? i hope what ive written expresses that and i appreciate you and everyone’s patience for my writing :) i hope you enjoy!

wc; 4.1k

Viktor was a loner. Singed was the first to insinuate the label on a poor child and since then Viktor had accepted that fact.

I’ll never be noticed or remembered. I’ll always be a loner.

Had he been noticed by one of the founding fathers of Piltover? Yes. Was he still looked past in every situation? Yes. Despite being on the taller side he never felt like anyone’s focus, sometimes he felt that way about Heimerdinger— the very man who gave him the wonderful opportunity to be his assistant.

Then Jayce came into his life. This young (one year younger than him) naive, boy who was toying with something much bigger than him had been on the verge of banishment had it not been for his mother to get involved and lessen his sentence to expulsion had been the one to completely turn his entire life around.

He had never been included in anything his whole life. Hearing the words “our Hextech dream” was something completely otherworldly to Viktor. It’s like Jayce had reached into his chest and grabbed ahold of his heart and took it for his very own to keep, and Viktor was happy to do so even in his state of shock.

Their relationship then formed at a rapid pace, they were allowed a lab together and worked side by side and for once Viktor actually felt like he belonged. Being a Zaunite in Piltover was, well, unheard of for the most part, let alone the fact that he was disabled.

And that’s where we are. Viktor has come to a conclusion the more he looks around Piltover and at the very many citizens who happened to be disabled in one way or another. You’d think Viktor and these people were one in the same but you forget one thing—

Viktor is still a Zaunite. Which means he doesn’t get as well of a treatment for his ailments like the rest of the Pilties (he heard the term once when someone from the undercity mistook him for one).

You see, Viktor’s leg had been bothering him, more so than usual and at first it started with his cane. No longer could he take a few steps without it or get up without having to use it as leverage. The thing was practically glued to his hand and it wasn’t working well anymore. Old and rusty the thing was and Viktor had half a mind to make his own because Gods knows no one would make one for him.

Then one day, Jayce came strutting in, decked out in his usual fancy get up. A double breasted button up with his house colors accented on the shoulders and waist. He has a few things in his hand, measuring tape, a metal rod, and a permanent marker. Viktor turns his full body towards Jayce.

“What’s this?”

Jayce smiles and Viktor’s heart flutters momentarily. “Can you stand up for a moment?” They look at each other for a moment, Jayce with a big fat smile plastered across his face and Viktor who stares back at him with a perplexed brow.

“Okay…” He draws out the word and grabs his old cane beside him so he can lift himself off the chair. He uses all his strength, leaning the entirety of his body weight on the cane and Jayce is suddenly rushing in front of him and setting down all his supplies on the table.

“I’m such an ass, here—“ His huge hand wraps around Viktor’s entire arm. For some this would be comforting— big strong man helping you, lifting you and taking care of everything. “Let me help.” But for Viktor this was torture. Since when did he ever make it seem like he couldn’t do a simple thing like get up from a chair? How dare Jayce even think of such a thing. They both know what Viktor is capable of, they both are aware of his resilience and independence. What an insult to his character. He smacks Jayce’s eager hand away and stands up on his two legs with shaky effort.

“I’m not some helpless cripple, Jayce.” He spits with venom and it’s not directed towards someone he would call a best friend but no matter— Viktor directed his own frustration with himself on Jayce. His hand grips the handle of his cane tightly and he grits his teeth, his jaw protrudes with irritation and shame. He looks away from the man in front of him because he knows if he were to face him he’d be met with the saddest pair of puppy eyes he’d ever seen. He shuts his eyes in an attempt to rid of the image but a hand on his shoulder deters him.

God dammit.

An antagonizing gaze, a scolding, Viktor can see it now. Jayce giving up on him because he was too difficult, too weak, too incapable of doing anything himself. The staccato tapping on his food filled the room's deafening silence. The air felt heavy and Viktor’s cheeks slowly warmed up with shame. He finally begins to lift his head to look up at his partner before him.

Jayce looks at him with waxy eyes, there’s a sadness in them and an understanding. But what could he understand about Viktor’s terror, what claws at his spine and the chronic aching of his leg. The feeling of his body decaying, cracking and breaking slowly like a growing tumor of torment.

Viktor tears his eyes away and bites his tongue.

“I’m up now. What are we doing?”

“Right.” Jayce’s voice is tight but there’s an underline of softness. He pauses, afraid to move but slowly goes for the measuring tape he set on their desk and the other can see him out of his peripheral come closer and take a deep breath. “I..uh, can I get some measurements from you?”

Huh?

Viktor’s head snaps to stare up at Jayce. “What? For what?”

Jayce just takes a step closer. “I’ll show you when it’s ready. Please?”

There’s a twist in his stomach and it makes his insides feel like they’re being sucked into a black hole and that makes him dizzy. What exactly was Jayce planning here? He goes to eye the other supplies to piece his thoughts together to come up with what he could possibly be doing but before he could Jayce was already blocking his view.

“It seriously won’t take more than a minute.”

His leg is starting to hurt now and he just wants to sit down and get back to work. He reluctantly slacks his shoulders and motions for Jayce to do what he came in here to. Jayce seems to practically hop with excitement and the clinking sound of the tape measure echos in the room.

Skin on skin wasn’t something Viktor was very familiar with and he didn’t make it much of a habit to be touchy with anyone. Jayce had proved to be quite the opposite and it seemed like all he could do was touch. A hand on the back, the shoulder, hell, he even laid his own hand over Viktor’s once during a frustrating day of experimenting what else the hex crystals were capable of doing. Viktor did not like physical touch.

Yet with Jayce it was a losing battle and he could never admit that at times he actually enjoyed the warmth of his hand and the comfort of someone at least being there with him.

This was not one of those times, however. Viktor—still ashamed with himself for snapping at Jayce— couldn’t handle the proximity of their bodies. Jayce is much too close and his knuckles brush over his ribs as he closely measures his friend's height, then the length of the floor to his shoulder, then from the floor to his armpit. He mumbles to himself and scribbles down the numbers he collected.

Just as quickly as Jayce invaded Viktor’s personal space, he was moving away from him and curtly saying thank you before making his way out of the lab with a haste Viktor had never seen.

He really fucked up.

It had been a couple of days. Viktor had been so consumed by his contrite thoughts that he completely disappeared from the lab. Taking to staying in his room and only leaving at late hours into the night when he knew no one would be around in the halls or streets to notice him. He was good at slipping away, at being alone. It was for the best, really. He’s out of the way, there’s no chance of him getting frustrated towards himself and directing it towards anyone who didn’t deserve to get the sharp end of his abhorrent views of himself.

He missed the lab, though. He missed Jayce if he was being honest with himself but that was a lot harder to face and so he would simply forget the thought even popped up and put it on the back burner of his mind. But that burner grew hotter and slowly began to simmer before turning into a boil and bubbled over him all at once how much he truly had fucked up.

“I owe him an apology at least.” He decides tomorrow morning he’ll go back and properly say his sorry’s.

Just as he was getting ready to settle into bed, there was a knock on his apartment door. He looks at the clock.

11:45PM

There was only one person who knows where he lives and knows he’d still be up. Viktor gathers up his courage with each step towards the front door.

Of course it’s Jayce behind the door, he didn’t even have to question it nor look through the peephole. He slowly opens the door and peeks around the corner of it.

“Jayce?” He says like he’s shocked. Jayce is standing there, looking handsome as ever but he didn’t seem like his usual self. His hair was a bit messy and his five o,clock shadow had grown into a scruff. His eyes were droopy and held evidence of a long sleepless night— or several nights, really. His face seems to lighten when Viktor answers the door, almost like he wasn’t expecting him to even give him the time of day.

“What are you doing here so late?”

“I needed to see you,” He says it frantically and Viktor flinches at the intensity of his tone. It doesn’t go i noticed and Jayce takes a step back in a silent apology. “I wanted to give you something…I’ve been working on it for a bit now.”

He doesn’t know what it is. He doesn’t have the faintest clue, but with him a little further away he feels safe enough to open the door wider and get a good look at the man in front of his doorstep.

Plain white T-shirt, a pair of pajama pants with…is that his family crest on the sides? The get up was in high contrast compared to what he had on his feet— his fancy, brown leather work shoes. Viktor stifles a laugh expertly and glances back up to Jayce who he now notices is holding something behind his back.

He sighs and admits defeat, perhaps moving his apology to tonight would be better. He couldn’t even begin to think of going to sleep with the fictional scenario he’d play and replay over and over again until the sun finally came back up. He had to own up to his own stupidity and immaturity. Viktor widens the door open and steps to the side to let Jayce in. They smirk awkwardly at each other and the younger walks in just as awkwardly. He side steps, his back facing away from Viktor to deter him from seeing the it behind him.

He rolls his eyes but finds himself smiling and feeling the warmth of his beating heart increase. It makes him feel sick and he takes a wobbly step forward, leaning his hand against the wall. He’d forgotten his cane in his bedroom. Jayce stands there unsure to reach out and ask him for help and that terrible knot in his throat grows at the base of his neck and creeps up until it’s in the underside of his jaw.

“Before you show me what you’ve made. I…needed to tell you something.” His hand on the wall turns into a fist and he presses it hard as if to ground himself. He fights the urge to look away from Jayce because good lord he looks scared and Viktor knows he thinks he’s done something wrong.

“It’s nothing you’ve done.” He starts off when Jayce doesn’t respond. His shoulders fall just an inch and he sees the immediate relief wash over his friend before he continues. Viktor can’t fight it, he looks down at his feet. “I wasn’t myself a few days ago. I…I wasn’t feeling well and it brought up some unwanted thoughts and I couldn’t control myself. I snapped at you.”

Silence. He still can’t look at Jayce because that knot in his throat has turned into glass and it shreds down his throat with each difficult swallow and he knows the tears come after that. “You were just trying to help me and I did need help— I wanted the help but I was too embarrassed to take it from you and I directed my own frustration onto you. I’m sorry for that.”

Once more, silence. The air is thick and Viktor wonders if Jayce can feel it. Can feel the struggle to breathe and that terrible churning in his stomach just as he’s feeling now. He’s too scared to look up and to be met with a ridiculing glare and an unforgiving tone. But he hears the wood floor squeak under Jayce’s weight, and he hears it again, and once more.

His head is hung low, his fist is tight and he can feel the nails almost break the skin of his palms. Viktor’s eyes squeeze shut and he braces himself for Jayce to walk right past him and slam the door behind him.

“Hey,” His voice is sweet and warm and it’s much closer, so close that it startles Viktor and draws a gasp from him. His eyes are glassy, still fighting back a few tears but he opens them to look up to see Jayce just inches away from him. A smile grows across his lips, his eyes like a warm drop of honey bear into Viktor’s and there’s a soft, apologetic look across his features.

“You don’t have to apologize. It was out of turn for me to assume you needed help—“

“No!” Viktor exclaims, he opens a palm out as he feverishly speaks, “It’s me who’s wrong! I spoke out of turn and let my anger out on you when you were just trying to help. I didn’t mean to.”

“I know you’re capable of doing things yourself, V.” The nickname makes his stomach flip, Jayce doesn’t use it often and it catches him by surprise every time. “I just saw the pain in your face and I wanted to help.”

“I know! And that’s why I’m apologizing, because I smacked you away and..and I was cruel.” He drops his hand and lets it smack against the side of his thigh. Viktor releases a drawn out sigh and lets his shoulders slump. Jayce looks down at him solemnly.

“It wasn’t cruel. But I accept your apology— even though I don’t think you did anything wrong.”

“Well, I hurt you, didn’t I?”

Jayce chuckles. “Maybe a little bit, but I’m fine.”

They stand silently again, Viktor finally letting his hand rest spread out on the wall. His leg was beginning to hurt now and sitting all his weight on one hip was beginning to pinch a nerve. He looks back to Jayce who’s still standing there with his hands behind his back.

“Have a seat and show me what you made already.”

Jayce’s expression changes into one of worry and Viktor swears he can see a bead of sweat on his forehead.

“R-right! Uh, let’s have a seat.” He lets Viktor lead the way. He had never been in Viktor’s apartment very much, he mostly strictly stood at the threshold and spoke to his partner there before leaving. Never had he taken a step inside and taken in the homely atmosphere Viktor had curated. It was so very Viktor, with the likes of books and endless shelves of academic publications printed out and bound in thick leather. Or the many notes strewn about with at least one pen or pencil resting on any surface. He noticed a small toy boat on display in his living room and he has the urge to ask him about it, or the drawing of what seemed to be a mechanical golem resting on his coffee table in front of his worn loveseat.

Before he can even ask, Viktor is reaching down and crumpling it and tosses it into a bin. They sit side by side on the small couch and Jayce feels his cheeks blush when Viktor indicates for him to show off already.

“Okay, uh, could you…look away for a moment?”

Viktor raises an eyebrow and purses his lips. “I’m sorry?”

“I want it to be a surprise…just indulge me…please?” Jayce attempts to bat his eyelashes and Viktor laughs at the clumsy way he can’t seem to find the momentum to bat them quickly. He obliges and places his hands over his eyes, he shuts his lids for good measure.

“No peeking, got it?” Jayce almost giggles.

“I would do no such thing.” He would.

Jayce brings the gift out from behind him, he’s shocked that he was able to hide it this long, he was sure Viktor would figure it out by now but he’s pleased to know his lab partner is oblivious to the fact that he had spent a week perfecting what he hoped Viktor would appreciate.

There’s cool metal on the palms Jayce told Viktor to face upward in his lap and it shocks him before he’s slowly wrapping his fingers around the material. He slowly opens his eyes, aware too much of Jayce’s intense gaze, there’s concern and hope and fear in his eyes and Viktor finally looks down at what’s been placed in his lap.

His eyes run across cool, steel metal with accents of red, white trimming of metal brings the piece together and his hand finds the first handle of what is a brand new cane sitting across his legs.

The handle is red and it looks to be the perfect length and width to fit into his hand. There are indents shaped just for his fingers and it’s made with cushioned leather. Viktor stares in awe of the expert work of the shape. His eyes follow up the cane to the top handle, it's curved and made with the same leather. On the tip of it is a circle framed with metal and what looks to be Jayce’s family crest. His eyes glide back down it, finding the same sigil on the side of the cane.

He’s speechless. Utterly incapable of saying a single word, let alone form a sentence. Jayce had taken the time and effort to actually make this for him. He thought his chronic pain hadn’t been so obvious— at least it wasn’t to literally everyone else who knew him or were acquainted with him. He never had been perceived so closely, so intimately and it aches in his heart the realization that Jayce had clearly seen Viktor this whole time.

He was no longer alone and Jayce had seen the inner workings of his pain. Perhaps he shouldn’t be surprised, they were together every single day and they were coming up on five years of working together.

Viktor’s ribs were a broken cage and released his emotions freely. The dam that held back his tears broke and out came a flood. His vision immediately becomes blurry and his hands tremble with the cane rattling gently in them.

“I…What…Why did you do this?” His voice is shaky and he bites his tongue to stop himself from speaking. He sounds so pathetic and small. “This is for me?”

Jayce gently reaches his hand over and places an index finger on the top handle.

“This is for support under your armpit and this—“ He points to the next handle. “Is for your hand to grasp onto. I saw the way you had been leaning lately and I could see the pain it was causing for you…I wanted to try and make something to help with that…”

He’s too sweet. Much too sweet to be in the presence of Viktor— someone who couldn’t fathom why he deserved such a thoughtful and well crafted piece of metalwork. He spent his free time on this, he worked on this by hand, by himself, for a week. He thinks back to the strange measurements Jayce had asked of him. How he tried to be slick and looking back he was because Viktor was too busy with his maintenance on the Hexgates to really consider why the hell Jayce needed to know how long and wide Viktor’s hand was or how he liked to hold his cane and how heavily he leaned onto it for support.

Viktor still couldn’t find the words. He barely even notices he’s crying until he sees a tear land on the metal and he’s immediately turning away from Jayce and swiping the rivers running down his face. He knows he looks pathetic like this and he never once wanted anyone to see him cry, let alone Jayce of all people.

“Thank you…truly,” He says with a shaky breath, his voice cracking around the lump in his esophagus. He covers his mouth, still turned away from Jayce.

“You didn’t have to…”

Warmth spreads across Viktor’s hand, he feels Jayce’s calloused fingers against his skin and it doesn’t help the flow of falling tears. His eyes screw shut but it’s not enough to hold them back and he barely registers another hand reaching out and Jayce’s thumb swiping across his cheek gently.

“Viktor,” He speaks gently, saying his name with relief and a sweetness that made Viktor’s teeth ache. Hearing his name come out so gently is too overwhelming and he shakes his head. “Hey, What’s wrong? Did I do something?”

Yes. Yes! You saw me and for the first time I’m feeling like I’m someone important!

His mouth parts to speak and it’s dry, his tongue sticks to the roof of his mouth as he attempts to form a sentence.

“No…no…you did a wonderful thing, I'm just…I’m embarrassed.” Jayce wipes away another tear that escaped and ran down to his lip. He captures it and rubs it away on the edge of his lips and they both a shock in the touch of his fingertips. They say nothing about it.

“Why?” Jayce asks simply.

“Crying…”

“You’ve seen me cry. How is this any different?”

Viktor’s glassy eyes look up into Jayce’s and this time he’s able to hold his gaze.

“I’m not meant to be comforted.” He says it so plainly like it’s a fact and Jayce feels his heart throb in pain. How his partner could ever think such a thing about himself he has no idea but he’ll do anything to change his mind.

“You are,” He lets his hand cup Viktor’s cheek and he watches the way his lashes flutter closed and he leans into the touch. “Don’t ever say that. You deserve…everything, Viktor.”

They sit like that for a while, Viktor unsure of what to say next and instead basks in the comfort of Jayce’s touch and Jayce who watches the tears slowly dry and leave streaks on his cheeks. It isn’t until he pulls his hand away does Viktor look back down at the cane in his lap. He turns it in his hands gently and runs his finger over the family sigil.

“The Talis hammer…a bit egotistical, don’t you think?” He huffs a laugh and Jayce is equally amused, his cheeks grow red and he slides his hand across the side of his neck as he lets out a breathy laugh.

“Yeah, well, habit I guess…” He leans in a little close. “You really do like it, though?”

Viktor, now smiling down at the cane, nods. “Yeah, I do. Looking at it might make me cry again.”

“Well, let me take care of that then.” Jayce’s thumb runs across one of Viktor’s cheeks affectionately and for a second they forget they’re just friends and revel in the comfort of one another.

[gaelsstuffiehome]

Welcome back to our third and final part where we learn all about Gael's Stuffie Home and meet the various plushies who help her each and every day! Click here for part 1 and Gael's own story, and click here for part 2 where we meet the first members of her team!

While she's resting a bit as we get ready for new listings this Friday at 12 Noon EST, let's meet the others!

Trumpet: An odd little multicolor elephant from Avon and their Full of Beans line! He came to us from another adoption home, as did a few others of Gael’s friends, so he understands how important it is for the stuffed animals who come to the home to feel as calm and safe as possible. This has made him something of an expert on the best blanket and snack combos for stuffies who are sad or scared. He might be a little too cheerful sometimes for some of our grumpier stuffed animals, but everyone loves him all the same.

Bonnie: A non-binary handmade bee who came to live with us after my wife found them at a craft fair! Bonnie is very     squishy, not soft, so is a little different from the others in the group. Not a problem! We love all sorts of stuffed animals, and Bonnie is a good reminder that friends can come from all sorts of interesting places! Bonnie loves to drink chocolate milk and sometimes provides a lot of calm to some new-arrival stuffies who might be overwhelmed by everything that’s going on.

Winks: While obviously a very good friend, Winks the TY elephant is also perhaps the most argumentative member of Gael’s staff. It’s not that he’s a know-it-all. He just happens to think he’s always right and everyone else is almost always wrong. It would be nice if everyone could just get on board with that. To be sure, Winks does know quite a bit about important things like picking a good go-kart and how to make the best ice cream sundae, but when it comes to things like thrifting or quantum physics, everyone generally agrees Gael is the expert.

Tiny: This poor elephant has always had a bit of an identity crisis. To be clear, Tiny loves being here and loves her friends and family, but she also wishes she knew just a bit more about where she came from. This is something stuffed animals can struggle with sometimes, if they don’t have any tags, and it’s hard to figure out where they might have come from. Tiny doesn’t want this to be the only thing about her, because she loves to visit the ocean and enjoys karaoke and old video games, but someday she would like to learn more about her origins. Gael and the gang help her whenever possible, and maybe someday, we’ll find something!

Freakshow: The story of Freakshow is a bit sadder than the others. He’s very quiet and sometimes gets very anxious around humans, or even other bears, but he’s incredibly kind and loves to spend time in the sun. He enjoys stories and giving hugs to smaller plushies. Gael and I are so glad we were able to rescue him from a haunted house that had glued a horrible mask to his face. Then someone threw him in a pile of old broken things the haunted house wasn’t using anymore, and that’s how we found him. We brought him home and learned that the mask could not be removed without severely damaging his face. In the two years he’s lived here, he’s learned to love the way he looks, even if it’s very different, and he picked the name Freakshow because he wants others to know there’s nothing wrong with being a freak. In fact, he sometimes says very, very softly, being a freak is actually pretty amazing.

Freddy & Chica: Found on the floor of a Dave and Busters arcade. Freddy and Chica try to cause murder and mayhem wherever they go, but they’re extremely small size, soft bodies, and lack of functional limbs makes it almost impossible to do anything more elaborate than growl once in a while. When they aren’t wee little harbingers of doom, they like to watch horror movies and love to help Gael make snacks for some of the older stuffed toys in the home.

And that's our team! Gael's Stuffie Home opened almost three years ago, and in that time, I've watched Gael make so many neat friends, while finding homes for every sort of old stuffed animal you can imagine. I can't wait for you to see what we're going to do next, and I thank you for coming along with us!

[vmlnrzmp4]

michael kaiser x reader (series)

canonverse, angst(happy ending), eventual smut, i'll be giving cw on every chapter.

proof-read by: @anuverse

chapter: prologue.

he never thought he'd see you again. not here. not like this. but here you stood, giving a brief introduction about yourself to the team, telling that you'll do your best—as a junior manager.

kaiser knew you had seen him. but you were ignoring (atleast that's what he thought.)

but it wasn't that. your face—no matter how much it showed nonchalance, it hinted sadness whenever you met eyes with him. the tension only grew.

the senior manager chimes in, telling you to lighten up, putting an arm around your shoulders. ultimately, you'd have to live with these rowdy boys. you'll get used to it, she says. you looked at her with a smile—you'd always smile—then back at the team. at him.

kaiser thought he could start a new life at BM. and he did so. however seeing you like that, he felt the need to go back to times which hurt him—where there was always you who'd light where the darkness enveloped.

alright. practice over for today. the senior manager announces. and later that night, kaiser feels a weird lump in his throat he couldn't seem to vomit out. he distracts himself. distracts himself from the lie he told you. the lie he was forced to tell.

there wasn't really a period where you and him came across, save for the stolen glances that did mean something.

you'd be beside the senior manager, crystal, observing her as she notes down all the skills and flaws the coach dictates. after all, she's retiring next year, meaning you'll be the only manager left.

and kaiser doesn't understand this. why of all places, you were here.

the time didn't seem to be on your side. or his side as the two of you found yourselves alone in the locker room. he sat there, while you were running errands like every manager did.

when it happened once. it was a coincidence. twice? still a coincidence. the universe was playing a cruel joke on him when it happened the third time: where the both of you found yourselves locked in the room.

he hated how the silence wasn't comfortable anymore, "why are you here?" the room that was quiet suddenly filled with tension at his question. he wonders. like really. why were you here considering your background.

"extra curriculum activities," you simply answered, trying to twist the doorknob open. he stood beside you, reaching for the nob over your hand which you immediately discard. he tries twisting but there was no luck and the silence stretched.

that was till he turned you to face him by your shoulders.

do you hate me?

he wished to ask.

hit me. curse at me. hate me all you want. but don't even think i'm worth all of it. i dont think i'm worth any kind of attention from you—

before he could run his thoughts more, your palm reached to cradle his cheek.

"i lied," he admits, his voice barely above a whisper.

"i know." you let out a chuckle that seemed sincere, "but i was 14, michael. how would i know?"

he reaches to mimic your actions, feeling the soft of your cheek, his thumb brushing the skin.

"what did you even write in that letter?"

he scoffs at your question, "no fucking clue."

the two of you share a laugh as you speak up, "look at you," your eyes fall on his features, "you've dyed your hair, you've got tattoos, your eyeliner..."

"it's not an eyeliner," he holds out your hand, urging your fingers to brush under his eyes, showing that the red liner was also infact a tattoo.

just then, the door swung open. crystal. she stood there, a confused yet teasy look on her face as she asked what's happening. you don't answer, simply pushing past crystal to head out. she turns to kaiser.

"got locked in," kaiser answers honestly.

the lump he felt in his throat seemed to disappear. and he felt like he could finally find calmness in the silence again.