#every time i get this shit on my dash im like. yep. ok.

[astraltrain]

kinds of tumblr posts i hate

YOU LITERALLY HAVE TO REBLOG THIS OR YOU'RE SATAN INCARNATE

webwog and wike this and i won't kiww myself owo

now that you've seen this post you're cursed until yout reblog it

[messedupessy]

every time. every fucking time it never fails. i scroll down my dash and see the most ridiculous post come up and i see its reblogged by you and i know. i know youre going to mention stretch. how far does this man's comedy extend? what will he not do? you claim he is lazy and yet he also dances down the street in heels?? im baffled. this man is terrifying. hes like the frat boy in college that watches 10 hour spongebob remixes on youtube but still gets straight As in class. i want to die.

gernkgenjkgenjkgekj ya know it ollie u know it (͡° ͜ʖ͡°) u should know by now that this is how things are my dude, and his comedy is infinite ok there is almost nothing he wouldn’t do for shits and giggles, unless hurting ppl ofc and do something actually insulting and srs bad in the name of comedy, otherwise most things are a go, and yep he lazy but that doesn’t mean he can’t strut around in high heels for awhile he will just go and crash later on and sleep for almost 24 hours in exhaustion after xD not sure about the frat boi part but watching 10 hour spongebob remixes sounds about right pfft, and pls if u die then u can’t send me such sweet messages tho UwU

[monohart]

pretzels. (boyfriend!au)

ft. kim jungwoo, younger siblings and a safe word for “save me”.

when you started going out with jungwoo, your younger siblings / younger friends were even more excited then u were

bc he was the nicest and kindest and most considerate guy in the world

ok no lie he was nicer than u and he was kinder to your friends too lol

i don’t blame him honestly he just wanted to make a good impression on your friends who he knew meant a lot to u

even tho they can be ... quite a handful sometimes..

the first few months were okay because your friends were still on that.,, getting to know him stage,, so they were quite shy

until once u were like

oh boy u regret it now

but u were like

a bit tired of how they always came to you for requests and favours

like hey can u help me with this homework,,, or hey can u pick me up after school bc my parents are too busy...

so u were like

ok here is my boyfriend’s number, just ask him to help u bc i’m rly busy

it started off good, bc like i said, jungwoo wanted to be friends with your friends too!!

and your friends were like WOW...... IT a BOY hHhHhHhh

and jungwoo was like ᵒᵐᵍ ᶦᵗˢ ᵐʸ ᵇᵃᵇʸ'ˢ ᵇᵃᵇʸ ᶠʳᶦᵉⁿᵈˢ ʰʰʰʰʰᴴᴴʰᴴᴴʰ

u liked seeing them get along well too

UNTIL,,,,

a few weeks later

whenever u were like

hey jungwoo can we hang out this saturday i finally finished my assignments for now

and he goes

“oh ... oh no i promised your friend.. the one who always wear pigtails? i promised her i’d take her to the mall for the uh, claire’s big discount sale”

“... did you just turn me down bc u have a date with my 7 year old friend..”

after much persuasion from jungwoo your 7 year old friend finally let u tag along

she was looking forward to spend the whole afternoon with jungwoo bc he was nice and he smiled and gave his genuine opinion on stuff

and he’d buy bubble tea for her just to see her smile kjdsnf he was soft for that kinda thing

ʲᵘⁿᵍᵘʷᵘ

he wasn’t like u who scolded them every other minute, for spending too much money and wasting time

basically they hated u at times bc u were such a mOM.

so anyway at the mall date outing, when the 7 year old was busy browsing through some necklaces at the sale, you pulled jungwoo aside

your friend was little but she eavesdrop on stuff a lot

so when the store manager wasn’t looking you pulled jungwoo into the small storage room at the back

and he’s like

slightly panicked

and he kept licking his lips bc he was nervous and also he forgot to wear your favourite chapstick

the one u really liked the flavour of

because he thought u stole him aside because u wanted to kiss him lol poor baby im sorry u just wanted to talk loolol

"we need a safe word...”

“for? what?”

“for when you can’t stand my friends anymore... and you want me to tell them to back off.”

“oh... it’s okay. they’re really cute and i don’t mind”

“you’ll change your mind after two months, wanna bet?”

“huh? oh.. it’s really okay, baby.”

“okay just in case you change your mind... just... tell me that u want some pretzels and i’ll get it.”

he laughs. “okay then.“

u reminded him about the secret code for a distress call almost everyday and he’s like yep no worries i’m good rn

then before u know it two months fly by

you still get to spend a lot of time with him during the week

but as the semester rolls by you both get busier and busier w studies

he still helps your little friends with the little favours and stuff and he still likes them with his full heart but

but whevenr he goes hang out with them he noticed how reluctant u were to join and that small crestfallen look on your face when u think that he and your friends prolly enjoy each others’ company more than yours,

made him worried fr

so he called u one evening

u were walking home from a night class

and y��all chat about bland things until he goes

“i miss you.”

and you’re like pft come on we talk everyday and we spend our weekends together

and he’s like :(

“but it hasn’t been.. just us.. in a long time..”

cUE SOME SMIRKING

u were like

hHEHEHE

u decide to play w him a little

“but too bad my little sisters like you so, so much and you seem to like them too and they’ll be disappointed if jungwoo oppa can’t come and play with them anymore”

he goes silent for a while and u could tell he strugglin’

“i... i guess i just want some pretzels...”

he added quickly “just for a while?”

“and how long is your while, baby?”

“um, one month?”

you think about it.

one whole month where you get jungwoo all to yourself again

yeah of course what the heck he was your boyfriend after all

literally that night you phoned your friends to say jungwoo was super busy this next month so they weren’t able to find him

cue some sulky sad depresso 7 year olds but wtv!!! they’ll live!!!

also

jungwoo that headass

he came over to your place and packed a bag of your stuff w all necessities and basically kidnapped u for a few days

netflix every night until y’all both fell asleep!!

lots and lots of cuddling and spooning and soft shit

on nights without netflix y’all lay in the dark and talked about whatever came to mind

his favourite place was the crook of your neck

tickled u hella but u let him bc u liked being the small spoon

felt safe and protected uwu

he smelt nice after showers too

he doesn’t wear cologne but u know that very fresh laundry and soft cotton soap smell

yeah that’s jungwoo and it was so warm and soft

waking up in the mornings you’d find that he hadn’t moved at all and was still spooning u

tbh he’d usually be up before u so when you turn your head he’d attack u w kisses

hug u a bit tighter until you start laughing bc he always said the first thing he wanted to hear in the mornings was your cute little laugh

you’d go to the library together to “study”

u being the kind of college student who don’t wnana delay graduation and longer than it should be, worked diligently

but your mans kim jungwoo was willing to risk it all

you’d look up everyone few min or so and he’d be just looking dreamily at u

w a small silly grin on his face

his eyes go a little softer around the edges like he was looking at smth absolutely gorgeous and cute

u kick him under the table shyly

and he gently kicks u back

and y’all nudge each other back and forth until u couldn’t stand it anymore and drags him out of the quiet area

there’s a fire emergency staircase next to the toilets around the back of the library where people rarely go

before u could fully make sure there weren’t anyone lurking around the area he’s already backing u against the wall and kissing u

hhhhh

one of his hands is against the wall just above your ear and the other hand is on your chin

meanwhile your hands are everywhere tho

and he loves it

awkwardly stops when some lost first year kid come walking up the stairs only to immediately dash back down again hhh

gave u an excuse to hide against his chest

made him giggle a bit uwu

but then lifted your chin up and dove back in :)

anyway :)) after y’all finish :)) making out :)) you head back to your desks like nothing happened :))

some people stare though

at jungwoo’s tousled hair and bright red cheeks

and at your swollen lips and shifty eyes :))

when the one month come to an end it feels like coming home from a honeymoon really

bc everything goes back to normal and your friends are ringing him up again

but you didn’t mind because it’s only gonna be a matter of time before jungwoo comes back and asks for pretzels again uwu

[some-rfa-imagines]

TW: Blood mention!! I woke up at 2 in the AM with a bloody nose. Funny thing is, I can handle blood UNLESS it comes from my nose. A nosebleed makes me feel faint real quick, which is super inconvenient, because if I pass out I’ve just gotten blood everywhere. I spend like an hour trying to distract myself so I don’t faint. I was wondering if you could write the RFA’s reaction to something like that? It’s totally fine if you can’t, me sending a request was very impulsive. :P

lkjhgfddhgkgk what a mOOD

a) im upset bc i wrote this and then delETED IT ON ACCIDENT so im vvv sorry if it seems repetitive, im real tired and so done with rewriting kjgfddklasd

b) i’m the exact same anon! anyway, i hope you’re okay //hugs

tw: blood

Yoosung:

its approx 1:29am when you wake up to taste blood trickling down your throat

gdi not again

you quietly slip out of bed, careful not to wake yoosung as you stumble around to look for a tissue

suddenly you’re hit with a wave of dizziness and you trip, hitting the edge of the bedside table with a BANG

 “…MC? what was that?”

yoosung wakes up as your swear profusely under your breath, trying to cover your face before you get blood everywhere

he turns on the light and faces you

and promptly shREIKS

“MC OMG YOU’RE BLEEDING”

“really. i couldn’t tell.”

after getting over the initial shock, he helps you over to the bathroom, cleaning you up gently and grabbing you some tissues and a towel

how on earth did you get blood on your elbow MC

oh no wait thats just a cut from the bedside table nvm

wAIT-

he dips the towel in cold water and rests it against your neck, changing it when it gets too warm (idk thats just what i do to help my bleeding noses so ┐(´∀｀)┌)

talks with you and distracts you by drawing little patterns on your skin for as long as it takes for your body to stop inconveniencing you

will wait up all night if necessary

many tissues were sacrificed that night

Zen:

ahhhh no shit shit shit this is the worst possible time

you’re backstage at one of Zen’s shows, waiting for him when you sneeze into your elbow

when you pull away, you see the familiar red liquid and promptly sigh, holding a hand t ot. he bridge of your nose and wobbling as you get to your feet

thats when Zen bursts into the dressing room, chatting excitedly. he sees you and stops short

…..

quick say something MC!

“Nice show, Zen.” (really MC?) “Thanks babe. You alright there?” “Yep. Just peachy.” “You sure?” “Uh-huh. positive.”

you take a step forward and immediately c o l l a p s e

Zen catches you in his arms (looks like you fell for him //slapped) and guides you back to the couch, laying you down

“yeah, nope. just stay there, i’ll grab a towel and some tissues” “yeah, okay, good plan. thanks zen”

he brings you some water and chocolate and distracts you by singing and talking about what he thought went well during the show and what could’ve been done better

you give your input every once in a while, half struggling to stay awake

its ok bc even if you faint (which would still suck), Zen will still take care of you

bc he loves you

many cuddles until you feel better

Jaehee:

[she likes to consider herself a rather prepared person

but nothing could prepare her for this]

she wandered into the kitchen late at night, wondering why you weren’t in bed yet

she didn’t expect to see you passed out, sitting on a stool, resting against the sink and covered in blood.

actually screams in terror (she thought you were dead

rushes over to you and panics, immediately checking your pulse

you’re still alive, oh thank god

relief for a second before realising that jhghjk you’re still bleeding

she props you up and carries you to the bathroom, laying you down in the bathtub before washing you off

there goes that outfit rip

googles what she has to do from here bc does she wake you up? does she wait for you to wake up?? she is Not Prepared

settles on waking you up by gently shaking you and talking to you until you wake up

So Relieved when you begin to stir and open your eyes

you’re hella confused as to how you got into the bathroom but it all begins to make sense when you see jaehee sitting on the edge of the tub, worried as all hell

oh beb, MC didn’t mean to make you panic im sorry

stays with you and comforts you everytime it happens so she never has to go through that fear ever again

Jumin:

it had to be now, didn’t it? this very moment. of course. it just had to be during a celebratory ball.

you felt it coming as you chatted with some friends and you instantly began to panic

okay, okay, stay calm MC. You’ve done this before, it’s okay. everything’s okay.

“If you’ll excuse me for a moment. I just need some air.” you left the conversation, ducking into a nearby hallway and leaning against a table. you stayed like that for a while, beginning to feel faint

~meanwhile~

jumin is wandering around the ballroom, looking for you. he meets up with your friends who tell him you stepped out for a little fresh air maybe 20mins ago.

oh okay

he knew you so he knew that you were most likely fine but there was a little nagging voice in the back of his mind that told him something was wrong. so, he gave it another ten minutes or so before he began to worry

excusing himself, he stepped into the same hallway that you were in before stopping dead in his tracks at the sight of you

you were collapsed in a chair, almost unconscious, with your nose still fuckin bleeding

jumin.exe has stopped working

needless to say, you immediately left the ball and went straight home

he ran his fingers through your hair as you rested, helping you wash your face and just whispering sweet nothings or sitting in silence w/ you until you finally fell asleep

contacts many doctors to figure out this problem so your health doesn’t decline

helps distract you by talking about new projects or funny things he overheard at the office or wine

Saeyoung:

oof this is untimely

you were just getting out of the shower when you glanced down and noticed a steady trickle of blood making its way down your chest

“ARE YOU KIDDING ME”

you could’ve sworn it was just water like three seconds ago

asdtyjkl now you have to go back and shower agAIN aaagghhghh

you go to hop back into the shower when you’re suddenly overwhelmed by dizziness

CRASH

seven jolts at the massive bang that echoes through the house. even saeran sends him a text to ask what the hell that was

it sounds like it came from the bathroom,,, and wait, weren’t you taking a shower?

the worst case scenarios flash through his mind and in half a second saeyoung’s up and dashing to the bathroom

when he gets there his eyes widen and he starts knocking on the door frantically

he can smell that very familiar, metallic crimson scent. (lololol seven is a bloodhound now its canon bc i said so)

“MC!! MC!! It’s me, open up!”

picks the lock when you dont get the door

literally freezes on the spot when he sees you on the floor, surrounded by bright red blood

“Holy shit, MC!!!!”

panics. a lot. he doesnt even care that you’re naked, he needs you to wake up and now. he needs you not to be dead.

basically faints from relief when you groan in pain, bringing a hand to your head to shield your eyes from the light.

“seven, what are you doing in here?” “i thought you were dead MC!” “huh? ah- oh… that… i’ll explain that later… first could you, uh, hand me my towel?” “What? …!”

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

anyway, he shows you all his gadgets whenever you have a bleeding nose so you don’t have a repeat of the above incident.

he helps you clean up the blood afterwards. he’s,,,, surprisingly good at it,,,,

whoops i had a nap while rewriting this

Askbox Open || Requests Open || i love feedback! and also pls chat w/ me i’m v lonely

[thegeminisage]

And Now I Finally Leave This Fucking Plateau

but first im gonna go back to the old mans house one last time to check his diary ;_;

everything else below the cut in case of actual spoilers

on another note i LOVE how fast i can go with the paraglider like #nice

NOOOO HIS CAMPFIRE IS OUT AND HE LEFT A MESSAGE FOR ME AND A PEPPER ON THE TABLE

IM GONNA CRY JESUS CHRIST

man i wonder if that giant stone thing that chased me used to be a jaeger

(i love this in the legend of zelda i have a smartphone and there are jaegers lmao)

well anyway off i go i guess

i can see the bridge and the pin marks it as in the next little section im supposed to visit so im gonna go check it out since my heart hasn’t ached enough yet

oh my god there’s a giant bokoblin down here...oh my god

IS that a bokoblin...? it looks like a reindeer or smth lol

oh wait is it a MOBLIN?? oh my god!!!! hey dude!!!!!!!!

dude. dude. i hyped myself up to fight. i drank my ONLY atk up potion. and i killed him in one hit with a bomb arrow?? that was my OPENER, dude!! fucking weak

oh hey there’s another one

WOW ONE HIT TAKES TWO OF MY THREE HEARTS LMAO

AND IM OUT OF BOMB ARROWS

good news heres the fucking fight i wanted!!! im gonna DIE, but

ok no i threw my sword at him. broke the sword killed the moblin got a sick club instead. #nice

oh my god there’s some people fighting bokoblins!!! real people!!!!!! i will help them!!!

lmao this is not even close to where i meant to go i saw the moblin and got sidetracked

aw their names are mils and mina they gave me an elixir...and left.......

im lonely :|

like in every other game you get a companion right away that then leaves you at the end...in this game the closest thing i got was the old man and he’s already gone

....back to the bridge im going the wrongest of all possible ways

god theres so many ANIMALS out here. i could hunt for days

already killed a fox a deer and another boar

and like. i feel kinda bad. but. the Meat

haha wow all the rusted weapons stuck in the ground...wow...wow

now thats environmental storytelling jesus fucking christ

huh i finally got a rupee...i forgot those were even a thing

OH NO ANOTHER BIG STONE THING??? WHY????

it killed me in ONE HIT oh my god

apparently keese swarms are a thing, which is actually great, i’d love to fight all of them, but i only snagged two or three before they flew away like little pansies

dude i think im at lake hyrule its under the bridge and i got fucked up by an octorok 

OMG OMG OMG OMG IT’S RAINING!!!!!!!! O M G

i have died four times to this ONE bokoblin camp bc this blue dude has a killer sword...im getting it no matter what.

five

six

YES!!!!!!! HAHHA EAT ME AND MORE IMPORTANTLY MY BOMB ARROWS

ooh and now i have ICE arrows...worth it

but i can’t find that sword :/

aaah here it is

ohhhh man. and here at last is eldin bridge

“bridge of hylia” bitch i know what bridge it fucking is

i’ll just cross it once. then back to the story

oh. there are lizalfos.

THEY ALWAYS FUCKING DODGE i will probably die and not be able to cross (: 

yep i died

ok another day then im tired of fighting and dying a lot i wanna explore or story but i don’t wanna keep dying sorry bridge ):

HANG GLIDE INTO LAKE HYLIA bet i won’t have the stamina to get to the edge

holy FUCK i landed in a ring of lily pads and!!! there is!!! a korok here!!!! oh my god!!!!!!!!

hestu...who is hestu

fucked up an octorok

and a goat

oooh i found an underwater village ruins...like im so sad but also it’s so cool

and EXACTLY like that one place in da:i

UH? THE MUSIC CHANGED AND THE MOON IS BLOOD RED THIS WAS NOT IN DA:I AND I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR FREAKY MOON SHIT IN THIS GAME

WHY IS THE SKY AND MUSIC DOING THAT IM SCARED IM GENUINELY SCARED MY HEART IS POUNDING WHAT THE FUCK

OH GOD

OH JESUS I JUST LOST FIFTY YEARS OFF MY LIFE

oh my god okay it wasnt the village it was just a thing that happens now and then

the Blood Moon which revives all the monsters you’ve killed. great. wonderful

can’t go any further bc of lizalfos...tbh i dont need to be exploring this much & right here anyway i REALLY wanna get to kakariko before bed

i found a cooking pot and thought of the old man ))):

hey and there’s a person on this bridge! and a shrine here too...good thing i backtracked

fff ive been playing so long my game pad ran out of battery....and i dont remember how to charge it aside from leaving it on the little station, but you can’t hold it up very well like that........

wow i cant actually Do anything in this shrine...seems i am missing a rune, it doesn’t just give me one

oooomg its stormin omg omg <3<3

LIGHTNING? JUST STRUCK? THE GROUND IN FRONT OF ME????

I DID NOT KNOW IT COULD DO THAT HOLY FUCK

oh my god...oh my god

omg and my weapons in the menu are sparking, the metal ones...i gotta use a wooden one omg

I GOT HIT ANYWAY??? AND DIED?? WHY????? oh my god

if only i could wait out the storm by the old mans fire ;_; i could make my own i suppose but its not the same and i hate to waste fire arrows/flint

i took shelter in the shrine instead and now im watchin the storm while the game pad charges :’)

omg there’s an octorok over here...but in the ground instead of water!!! dude

or maybe it’s a weird kind of deku scrub hahaha

nope it was tentacle-y and gave me octo balloons it was definitely an octorok...i wonder if dekus are even in this game i fuckin hope so

theres a tower over there and i wanna Climb It And Get A Map geez

my game pad keeps running out of battery lol is it trying to tell me to go to bed

you’re weak game pad i’m not going to bed until i find a human settlement tough fucking luck

this post is getting SUPER long but i don’t wanna cut it off bc the next one will be super short bc i KNOW im almost there......

aw hey a sunshower :3

time to put my smartphone on the tower

ah this one was much calmer than the last one

ohhhh finally...a proper map Yes Yes Yes Thank You Nayru Din & Farore

ooh and a new rune

this river is apparently named squabble river which is apt bc thats all i did trying to fucking get across it

Why Do I Never Have Any Arrows

i’m not sure where to go next like i feel obligated to explore those areas i didnt get to yet but also i wanna see other people............

oh i found a merchant! damn food sells for a pretty penny rupee

ok yeah no im obviously gonna be playing until ddawn no need to kid ourselves. cutting this off here

also i havent been on my dash in hours i’ve been writing the posts without looking at tumblr at all i’m sorry i haven’t replied to anyone else’s liveblogs ;_; i just can’t tear myself away from this long enough to catch up on my dash!!!!

[adlunametadastra]

I Have a Few Questions!

As a former curator of an insanely popular classy & kinky erotica tumblr (I closed mine down like 8 months before tumblr begun its purge of the kink), I have a bone to pick with issues of consent, diversity depiction/representation, and double standards regarding expectations. Buckle up, knuckle draggers (lovingly), because the shitstorm has arrived!!! 

1. Why...pronounced H-whyyyy, do internet “men” (used loosely) turn to porn and paid entertainers to determine and define what consent and sexual enjoyment is or isn’t...for WOMEN??? If you pay a person enough, they will act as if they genuinely enjoy doing what you’re paying them for BECAUSE THEY ARE BEING PAID!! Not to say that these actors may not enjoy the work; there are plenty of testimonials post-coitus to support the notion that a lot of them do in fact enjoy their adult entertainment, but it must be cleared that they are also ACTING. ACTING IS NOT ALWAYS AN ACCURATE REPRESENTATION OF REALITY!! IT IS ALL ABOUT PERCEPTION!!!

I bring this one up to discuss the act of erotic asphyxiation, aka “choking” or “breath play”. It looks sexy, but it is actually quite dangerous. One wrong hand placement (It has to be right below the jawline or you risk damaging/snapping the hyoid bone which connects the head to your neck/throat) and you can genuinely strangle someone to death. It should only be a slight exertion of pressure, a light squeeze, and only be done between two people with immense trust for each other because a life is on the line. Literally.

This act ties into consent because it is wrong to assume that anyone and everyone enjoys choking simply because you see it depicted in erotica and porn all of the time. For instance, I was born with the birthing cord around my neck. I was born choking. It was wrapped so much so that it had to be cut off so I could breathe after just having been born. Let that sink in. My mum randomly told me this a couple of months ago and she added, “yeah that’s why you never liked anything around your neck. No high neck sweaters, short necklaces, and you can’t psychologically swallow pills.” It is because I came into this world nearly dying from essentially a biological noose around my neck and throat that I am violently against anyone putting anything around or near my neck and throat. And to this day, I also am unable to swallow pills. I will fight, maim, and/or KILL anyone who tries to choke me. It is not a joke.

I say this because you would learn information such as this if you simply got to know a person why also seeking their respect, friendship, and consent.

2. Am I the only one who is upset at ONLY seeing white women and men (and stupidly skinny white women at that) in the classiest, most romantic and sensually depicted erotica? I would love to see a dashing white man kissing, caressing, or cuddling a gorgeous curvy Black woman, Asian, Hispanic, or even Indigenous women. We all possess forms of conventional and unconventional beauty. I also want to see Hispanic, Asian, Indigenous, Black and other types of men depicted and mixed in with said lasses, too. No one should be left out!

How am I, a curvy and short woman of mixed race & ethnicity, supposed to feel assured about my ultimate fantasy of being seduced all classy kinky sensual and passionate-like, if I can’t even see such pairings actually happening? All of these handsome men (I tend to naturally gravitate towards White men, European preference, but I plan to sample every flavor of man that walks this earth..hehe...yep i said it, come at me...lol) that exist and follow me, STEP IT UP!!! IM TIRED OF HEARING, I WANT TO SEE! I NEED TO EXPERIENCE THIS!!! COME OUT OF THE CLOSET AND PURSUE!!!

3. This leads to my third and final grudge regarding existing double standards when it comes to appearances in both erotica and porn, and how they tend to provoke the idea that women have to be petite, lithe/slender/slim, dress sexily, all done up, etc., while the average man has a (sometimes huge ass) beer belly, smelly hair, and no general desire to strive above mediocrity. This man, as average, below average, and gross as he is, has the NERVE to demand that women he interacts with to be porn star goddesses whose sole focus is to suck his dick 24/7 with red lip lacquer that doesn’t transfer and leave marks behind. 

First off, FUCK YOU AND THE HILL YOU WILL DIE AND DECOMPOSE ON!

Second, lmao go back to your mom’s basement playing the latest Call of Duty release, where you belong, you knuckle dragging troglodyte. In general society, like attracts like. Even if a woman isn’t skinny (curvy/plus size), if she is GORGEOUS, dresses well, and overall has her shit together, she will indeed end up attracting men like Idris Elba, Colton Underwood, Daniel Dae Kim, and the hot dad on Jane The Virgin, because they recognize a good woman when they see her.

I myself speak four languages aside from English (Spanish, Italian, Latin, and Portuguese); I am finishing up one degree in May and will head off to my next one in August, making three degrees under my belt; I adhere to a plant-based diet; I am a virgin and I couldn’t give two fucks what anyone thinks about it because this bitch is accomplished AF and demands only the best so i have no issue with holding out until I am approached by the best; am I skinny? Never will be, but I know that my legs look damn good in heels, my breasts look AH-MAY-ZING in bras/bra-less dresses & tops, and I overall look amazing in jeans skirts and trousers. I’ve won talent shows for singing and dancing; I am about to graduate Magna Cum Laude with invitations to three honours societies and scholarships to cover everything I’ll need for graduate school in Scotland, because I worked hard for and earned it. In other words, I am a catch and I fucking know it. I will never, NOT EVER, settle for less, and to call me delusional or say that i’m searching for the impossible is not only factually incorrect, it is offensive. Get your shit together, then come and play with the grown ups, ok?

This has been my Ted Talk.