#every single one of them was thrown away by the world and it’s so unfair

[eddies-spaghetti]

I’m thinking about the league a lot tonight.. i kinda feel like i’m gonna cry now

[twstbookclub]

Indefinitely His

Summary: You finally have the opportunity to go back home, but Floyd... has a little twist for you. POV: 2nd POV Pronouns: Gen Admin/Writer: Kai⚔️ Tags: Floyd Leech, horror, twstober 2024, possession, chase sequence, lord please help us all if this happens in the game. Word Count: 928

A/N: I AM SO SORRY THIS PAGE HAS BEEN DEAD BUT THE ADMINS ARE ALL COLLEGE STUDENTS, WORKING, AND I, KAI, AM WORKING ON A VISUAL NOVEL GAME ON THE SIDE LORD SAVE ME but enjoy Floyd horror :D

“This is so unfair~”

That menacing voice rang through every direction of the school grounds, and it didn’t help that the earlier rampage knocked the lights out.

This wasn’t an overblot. It was his normal behavior skyrocketing.

You covered your mouth as you tried to keep quiet. Every student who was there to say bye to you was knocked unconscious with a single move. The school was dark and that was your only advantage. 

“Aww, Shrimpy… It’s no fun if you hide!” He yelled as he knocked over some items, hoping to find you there. He laughed with a small wheeze as he looked around again, but you took the opportunity to run out of the room.

Floyd was pissed at the thought of you leaving, annoyed at the thought of his shrimpy leaving his side, and irritated that you were hiding from him now. “Don’t be scared, Little Shrimpy. I ain’t gonna squeeze ya too bad.”

You weren’t that fast for him though. Almost instantly, Floyd had a tight grip on your arm with a child-like laugh coming out of his maniacal behavior. You let out a yelp before trying to run off again, but Floyd won’t let you leave. 

“Hey, what’s wrooong~? Does it hurt, Shrimpy? That’s too bad…”

His voice was playful with tones of ill-intent underneath, but he gave you a giggle. “Poor thiiing.”

“Floyd—” You started while pulling away, but he was like a tower compared to you, so much bigger and stronger. Your movements meant nothing, and you couldn’t even use magic to get away unlike some of the other students.

“C’monnnn, put up more of a fiiight… it’s no fun if you aren’t squirming around~” Floyd said as if this was a game, but the look in his eye showed that he was serious. “I’ll give you a headstart.”

The moment he let go of you, it felt like you were some animal on the verge of getting preyed on, and your life was on the line. You began to run until you could no longer sense his presence. 

But not even you could escape that.

Your body brought you back into the mirror chamber, and you stopped as the room was only lit up by its natural green and purple hues from the gems and crystals that decorated the room.

It didn’t matter where you looked. There was blood and bodies everywhere.

First years were scattered around the floor, and it didn’t matter what they did, their blood was spilled.  Second years had bruises and obvious head injuries as most of them had been thrown onto the walls or floors.

Your memory flashed the images of Floyd almost getting tackled by the third-year students, but nothing worked. Floyd had squeezed them unconscious.  What surprised you the most was seeing Malleus in a slight panic before succumbing to the anger the merman had fallen into. 

You had to get to the mirror. It grew a bright green as the portal to your world finally opened, but your feet couldn’t move from fear. What if he got there before you did? You just wanted to go home now.

You forced your legs to move as you got closer to the center of the room, pulling in all of your might to try and leave now before you could get hurt.

Floyd usually bothered you, but you never thought he’d go this far. To hurt everyone in his path. Your eyes slowly moved to the body nearest to you.

Jade.

He had done his best to ensure you were protected when Floyd began his rampage, but his brother forgot about that bond in that anger. Jade was the last one to drop, and that’s when the true nightmare began.

You snapped out of it as footsteps came your way and you reached the steps towards the mirror, but there was nowhere to hide this time. Before you could think of a plan, Floyd was already in front of you with a smile that showed every one of his sharp teeth, reminding you of the spot you were in.

You were below him right now. You were like a little toy to him right now. A toy he didn’t want to share or return to its rightful owners. He was going to keep you right here, even if it meant breaking your limbs so you couldn’t crawl away.

“Shrimpy~” He called out softly, getting closer and closer to you. Floyd grabbed your wrist, but the grip felt like the strength of a thousand men. You could feel your wrist dislocating and your nerves tingled like little punctures from the cut-off blood flow.

“You’re trembling so much. Don’t be scaaared~” 

“If you’re scared, you can call for help, y’know? But no one will come.” He whispered the last part of his sentence before he smashed the mirror with a hard fist. He said you could scream, but not a sound came out in your mental to physical attempt. 

His expression became serious as glass flew. From shards to tiny pieces landed in the air and pierced Floyd’s hand, causing his flesh to bleed out. A small shard cut your cheek, and the sight made his eyes seem like knives. You were stuck.

Your mind blanked with your sanity and Floyd liked seeing you frozen in terror, so small in his power. He moved closer to tower over you, his voice playful and bone-chilling at your already still frame.

 “Who told you that I would let you go, Shrimpy?”

“I will never let you leave.”

[bullet-prooflove]

Return On Investment: Greg ‘Mouse’ Gerwitz x Reader

Tagging:      @kimm4710​   @k-k0129​    @cosmic-psychickitty​   @daniacat​    @enchantedblackrose​  @ikbenplant​    @crazy4chickennuggets​   @neapolitantoebeans​   @cixrosie​   @halsteadloversworld​  @i-spaced-sorry    @1234-angelika

From @cosmic-psychickitty​ little prompt!

“The boys I've been with say I’ve got no soul.” You revealed to Greg as the two of you sat in the cloakroom of the wedding venue. The two of you were sitting on the floor, shoulders pressed together as you leaned back against the wall sharing a bottle of Moet between the two of you. The litany of coats shielded you from view as you kicked off your heels and crossed your ankles in front of you.

"The key word is boys." Greg informed you, sipping from the champagne bottle before handing it to you. It was quieter here. The thrum of the music a low pitch on the opposite side of the wall. He appreciated your thoughtfulness. Sometimes the noise became too much, it struck some chord in his brain that thrust him back to another time, another place. You must have seen the wild look in his eyes, recognised it. There were few people who knew the extent of his PTSD, who understood it. He knew the stuff he dealt with; his history would send any other woman running away screaming but you it didn’t seem to phase. You took everything in your stride, that was just one of the things he loved about you. You had seen the worst of him, and you didn’t flinch.

"All the guys you've dated... " he paused, trying to select his words carefully. It was in his nature to be honest; it was the foundations on which your friendship was built. You didn’t shy away from the truth, and you valued his opinion. "They don't know the real you, and you don't let them. You want the companionship but not the investment."

Investment…

ROI…

All terms the last guy had thrown around before you’d cut him loose.

He was right of course. Nothing lasted more than a couple of dates in your world, you were tired, disillusioned. Romance was a fairy-tale for other people, ones who hadn’t been on the front line, one who still believed that there was something good in the world. Those boys didn’t have a clue how to deal with someone like you, you were messy, complicated, too much.

Of course, there was another reason for your disinterest. They could never live up to the man you really wanted. The one you thought of every single night before you fell asleep. It was unfair of you to expect it.

“They can’t love me.” You said quietly, setting the champagne bottle down alongside of you. “How could they? They haven’t seen the same things, had the same experiences. They don’t know what it’s like to be broken down, to try and put yourself back together again.”

“Do you think you’re too damaged to be loved?” he asked you, those stunning blue eyes of his burning with intensity as he lingered in your proximity. He could see the pain in your eyes, the agony, the loneliness and it killed him. He wanted to sweep it all away, to remind you that you were one of the strongest people he knew, that life was a battle, and nobody came out unscathed.

Your silence was an answer in itself. "You think I don't know how hard it is?" he asked you, his voice rough with emotion as he spoke. "To crave something so much but never allowing yourself to have it."

Your breath caught in your throat as his gaze lowered to your lips. His scent was in your nose, you inhaled the rich scent of sandalwood as he lingered in your proximity.

“I know you.” He whispered, his thumb trailing over the apple of your cheek as he looked into your eyes. “I’ve seen the darkness and I’ve seen the light and I know you are worthy of love.”

“Do you love me, Greg?” You asked him, your voice lowering an octave as the truth spilled from your lips. “Do you love me as much as I love you?”

“Baby, the two of us are meant for one another.” He smiled as his lips brushed over yours. “I want to spend the rest of the night showing you that.” Love Greg? Don’t miss any of his stories by joining the taglist here.

Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee

[neonandcobblestone]

How is it that the world aint unfair or wrong when you have people that has never worked sitting on a pile of money they aren't even able to physically count or spend -not even their children could- while the working people is counting pennies to get through the month. How is it not idiotic there's dresses and suits that have only been worn once that costs more than most people's yearly salary. How come that there's a roof and food for criminals but not for homeless people struggling in the streets. How can it be there's money for making the drugs but not for rehab. Or that one of the biggest monetary empires is the selling of bullets and guns while we simultaneously scream that life is sacred. How come there are rooms for money that is still and stale but not for affordable housing. Or that today jobs depend on internet, technology and electricity, both have become not only a profit for enterprises that make it harder each day for us to pay said services and buy said devices, services and devices that without you can not live in a city or hold most jobs properly. How comes working takes more money off our hands than the money we get paid or the money we've given our employers. How can we live in a society where food and clothes are thrown away while many die of starvation while wearing the same clothes for days on end, untill there's just the end. That not everyone has access to drinkable water. This world where accessibility is a luxury and not the norm. A world in which your gender and your skin color change the access you have to bot mental health and medical care, and also the quality of the attention. Where cars, that are supposed to be luxury items, are less expensive than houses, which are not only supposed to be human rights but also YOUR RIGHT as a citizen in most countries. A world where you're a bad person for showering longer than 20 minutes but hey!! The fashion industry being one of the top leaders of residual waters all around ain't to blame right?? Where I'm a demon for using a straw or plastic bag but we say nothing to the factories that still make them. Where people that can't afford to even rent a place dies building colossal structures that will be used just a few times, if not only once, while getting no profit, no safety, not a single thing out of it but some food. So advanced, yet there's people dying of diseases that have cures and conditions that have treatments but only for a few, of course. The wealthy become wealthier and the rest suffers but they won't ask themselves how come they keep vaulting so much money. Profit over lives. In this world you're just a number that makes more numbers, not a person from a community. A world that forgot what communities are, how it affect us and how we affect it too.

I try to smile everyday while it changes nothing. You're to blame for your declining mental health even though everything is rotten all around you. The neon signs can't shine so bright as to blind me of the blood on the cobblestone. At least -i like to think- something I said or a smile made someone's day better. I know at least two people didn't wave goodbye because I was there. But there were others that left and I miss dearly, and I understand. I hate that I understand. I wish I wasn't aware, but that would make me just as cruel as the world I complain about.

I can't save anyone. Not even myself. How is that not the failing of our systems? Of every single part of our system? Not a specific country. Not a specific place. It's everywhere. It's all the same. It's failing everywhere and to everyone. How is it not broken when there so much to fix?

In this era where we have everything so everyone could have what it's needed to live... We ended up having nothing.

[whirling-fangs]

It was all so unfair.

Hadn't he struggled enough? Hadn't he shown his true might to the world? Not a single soul had even come close to laying him to rest. They all scuttled at his hooves, pathetic little bugs squirming, like they were begging for him to squash them. They were mere fuel for him, his monstruous form growing more and more horrid with each life he absorbed.

He had escaped her control, and she let it happen. His shadow rose higher and higher between the mountains, an incurable evil, a monster in every aspect.

He could hardly remember his first kill. The first time his hand slipped, and ended the life he was supposed to be saving. He vaguely remembered watching the corpse at his feet, a collateral victim. Best not waste their sacrifice, best not to let their flesh, their life force fade away into nothingness. It had been his first taste of what his power could – no, what it was meant to accomplish. He had found the price to pay for more, such a easy thing to part from. Wasn't she the one who had first turn him into a boar?

She had stripped him of his humanity... and yet she blamed him for losing it.

To be forced back into this shape was nothing short of a humiliation. Kiba clawed and gnawed at his chains, squirming at her feet like the humans used to do before him.

"I AM a great beast! The mountains are mine to shape! I've killed every last hunter who reached them! They come before me thinking they stand a chance, but I'm always bigger than they thought! Stronger! Mightier!"

How the mighty has fallen. He spat out the dirt she'd thrown in his face, wild eyes burning bright between matted strands of hair.

"Let them come! Those true heroes you speak of! They haven't seen it yet... the true extent of my rage! I just need you... I need to kill you! Then I'll become what I was always meant to be!"

The chains sizzled against his skin, like the very contact of his epiderm was corrosive enough to eat the magical chains away.

"Give it all to me... your power! I'm the one who brought you back... So you owe me! You owe it ALL to me!"

Reduced as his shape might be, his power remained the same. A low rumble resonated from the ground below him, like the mountain was reacting to his tumultous rage. The life waned from trees much further away, creatures dropping dead, their very life force drained into the ground and carried to the boar's frame. It crawled under his skin, coarse fur growing back and staying there.

These binds she had placed on him wouldn't last much longer.

Be careful what you wish for.

Did he need to be told, he came to her, he summoned her, he made it all happen, he did everything to form a pathway to reach her, she was dead, she was gone, and yet he did what he did because he wanted something, did it never cross his mind that she wished for something from him as well, something that she would not have told him directly about, it was his own fault.

The only person he had to blame was himself for what had happened, besides he had to know, there was not just one witch within the world, there are two of them. If she did not do anything with him here and now, the other one would and he would regret his choices if the other witch found him and wished to claim ownership, to see him as a weapon and nothing more when she could see him as someone, who truly dropped the ball and made some rotten choices.

He was too greedy, and that called to her.

“I have been killed once before, and you are not on the level of the man who ended my life.”

She focused on him then and caught him, he rushed ahead, he didn’t even think at all about anything other than himself and what he needed and wanted, such a greedy thing as he ran right into her trap, what did she think she was doing, running around the outskirts of the camp when everyone else was fighting, she was laying down her magic and her scent, to ensure she had everything that she needed when the time was more than right, when he made the choice to come towards her and he did, to make the charge, a flick of her finger brought him down.

“You are not a great beast, not yet at least, but you have become a problem.”

And it was left with her to deal with then as she would use her magic, to compress him down, further and further for the time being until here was a man, on the ground, with golden chains wrapped around his arms, his legs, his entire body, the only thing he could move would be his head, as she stood before him, letting his chin rest in the mud and his eyes looking up at her, much better, she liked that look in his eyes, no one looked down on her, as she would remain where she was and would kick a little bit of dirt into his face, just because, he had been nothing other than a brute, thug and nasty boar in trying to end her life.

“Now prince of the mountain, or do you need to be demoted even further.”

As she held her hand out to him, keep fighting, keep the struggle, challenge her and she could make things worse than this, he had no idea what a real witch could do, the magic he has seen, the heroes he has killed, the things he has done, nothing. All of that is poor imitations to her power, to the power of a real witch within the world, and if he continued, he would be damning himself, as the witch cult will take notice, but the witch that controls it, if she came looking for him, he would understand everything, he would know how good he had it, and he would understand so much more, as she was tempted to leave him here, for the other witch to find and to deal with.

“You look well, feeding on the locals, even got contracts on your head, but you need to be careful, continue like this, and you will bring a true hero here.” As she would crouch down to look at him, if he continued, each kingdom had one hero, better than all the rest, ten legendary blades, and they would make short work of him, especially if he managed to kill one of them, the sword saint would come, and even she, would not wish to challenge him.

“Look at you, dirty, muddy, filthy, I taught you better!”

[lucifer-is-a-bag-of-dicks]

Not Enough

has anyone else just wanted Danny to go completely fucking feral at Dash? anyone?

yeah me too

this is some truly self-indulgent shit y'all

"Hey Fenton!"

Danny slammed his locker shut, sighing as Dash clapped him roughly on the shoulder.

"I'm throwin' a huge ass Halloween party this weekend, ghosts are all about Halloween right? You should totally come!"

It wasn't the first party Danny had been invited to since being outed as Phantom, but somehow Dash didn't seem to get the hint that he wasn't even remotely interested.

"No." Danny snapped, he threw his bag over his shoulder and turned his back on Dash, walking away without another word.

"What's your problem?"

Danny stopped, turning back around with a face of utter disdain.

"Excuse me?"

"I've been trying to be nice, but all you do is just brush me off! Like you can't even pretend to be busy or something?"

Danny stared, mouth halfway open as he tried to find the words to respond.

"Are you actually serious?" he finally choked out, almost too bewildered to be angry.

Almost.

"You're not still mad about all that stuff from before right?" Dash asked. "Like, I don't even do that shit anymore, it's over."

"Is it?" Danny's eyes flashed brightly and Dash took a half step back as the air went cold. "Because I'm pretty sure it was just yesterday that I pulled Mikey out of his locker."

"Well, yeah but that was Mikey." Dash laughed. "C'mon man, I wouldn't do that to you. We're totally cool now, so why you gotta keep blowing me off? You talk to Kwan like it's not big deal, and he used to wail on you all the time!"

Danny took a deep, slow breath, then another.

"Have you considered that maybe it's because I don't like you?" Danny said through gritted teeth.

Dash huffed, shoving his hands into his pockets and staring at the ground.

"Look, I get it, I was a jerk, but it's over! I'm actually trying to be nice, now you're the one being an asshole."

Danny looked as though he'd been slapped.

"You're such a fucking idiot Dash." Said Danny, his voice trembling with barely restrained rage. "You can't just treat someone like shit every single day for two years and then expect them to get over it because you invited them to a few parties."

"Then how come Kwan gets to hang out with you?" Dash could feel his face heating up. "You're just gonna let him off the hook? That's not fair!"

"HE APOLOGISED!"

In one thunderous moment, every locker in the hallway slammed open, sending papers and books flying across the floor. The few students still packing up their things got the fuck out of dodge, whether this was a ghost thing or a Fenton thing (was there even a difference at this point?) they wanted no part of it.

Dash couldn't move, his feet felt heavy, he wasn't entirely sure if Danny had done something to him with his ghost powers, or if he was just afraid.

Because he was certainly afraid.

Even after everyone found out, Danny still didn't use his powers at school unless it was a ghost emergency. He didn't use them for pranks, didn't use them to get even, didn't even use them to show off.

But he was sure as hell using them now, and Dash suddenly realised why he was always holding himself back.

He was terrifying.

Danny took a few steps forward, stopping barely an arm's length away from where Dash was rooted to the spot, trembling.

"Kwan apologised to me." He said, quietly this time. "He apologised to my friends, he even apologised to some other kids, and when I told him that I wasn't ready to forgive him, he accepted that and left me alone until I was ready to talk to him again."

Dash wanted to speak, but he couldn't seem to make his brain form the words he needed, it was too busy buzzing with danger run danger get out run run RUN.

"You made every single day of my life miserable for two whole fucking years, and that isn't even counting the bullshit you pulled in middle school. How do you feel right now Dash? Does it scare you to be around me? Does it scare you to be at the mercy of someone that you know damn well can hurt you?" Danny leant in, grabbing a fistful of letterman jacket. "I hope it does, because now maybe you'll have an idea what it was like for me going to school every fucking day knowing that you would be there, ready and waiting to hurt me. Every single FUCKING day."

Dash found himself being thrown backwards, his feet finally able to move again as he caught himself.

"I'm s-sor-sorry." he mumbled, his lips felt numb and tingly and his head swam with panic as he struggled to get the words out. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

"Are you?" Danny's voice cracked, his face wasn't twisted in rage anymore, his eyes were blue once again, and shining with tears. "Are you really sorry for hurting me? Or are you just sorry that the guy you were beating the shit out of turned out to be Phantom?"

"I didn't... I didn't know." Dash gasped out, he could barely hear his own words, all he could hear was his own heart beating loudly in his ears as he struggled to draw in breath. "I didn't know it was like that, I just thought-"

Thought what? What had he thought? That he wasn't really hurting anyone? That it wasn't that big a deal?

No, he hadn't thought that, because he hadn't thought at all.

"And you're gonna stand here and tell me I'm an asshole." Danny was almost sobbing as he raggedly spat out each word. "Because I won't forgive you for something you never even apologised for. This is the first time you even acknowledged that you were an absolute jerk to me, and you followed it up by demanding that I just get over it."

Dash stared down at the floor, it sounded terrible when Danny put it like that.

"I wasn't... demanding anything." he said, he was embarrassed by how whiny he sounded. "I was just trying to make it up to you, I was trying, I just thought... it's not fair that I can't have second chance. I was trying so hard and all I wanted was a second chance-"

"I DON'T CARE." Danny's eyes were screwed up tight, but it didn't stop the tears of fury from pouring down his cheeks, his voice so shredded with pain it was barely recognisable. "I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU. I DON'T CARE ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT. I DON'T OWE YOU A SECOND CHANCE. I DON'T OWE YOU ANYTHING. YOU FUCKED ME UP AND YOU. CAN'T. FIX IT."

Dash didn't know what to do. Danny was openly sobbing, his breaths came out in grunts as he couldn't hold the rage and misery back.

He was still standing within arm's reach, Dash cautiously put out a hand, to comfort him? He wasn't sure, but he barely brushed Danny's shoulder before Dash found himself spinning violently and his cheekbone exploded with sudden pain as he hit the floor. Cold hands drew away from him roughly.

"DON'T TOUCH ME." Danny screamed. "DON'T YOU EVER FUCKING TOUCH ME EVER AGAIN."

Dash watched as Danny grabbed his backpack and his footsteps disappeared down the hall.

It was over, just like that it was over.

Dash sat up and touched his face, he wasn't bleeding but he knew it would bruise pretty bad. It hurt, he would be squinting through one eye for a few days.

Danny could have done this to him at any time, he could have done it to him every day if he wanted, and maybe he would, now that he'd done it once.

The thought made Dash feel cold as dread pooled in his stomach.

The next day Dash told people he'd gotten his black eye from playing football, his team knew it wasn't true, but they didn't ask. He kept his eye out for Danny, wondering if he would pop up invisibly and knock him off his feet, or drag him through the floor, or hit him when nobody was looking.

He clung to Kwan's side all day, afraid to be alone.

Phantom could be anywhere, he could get him anywhere, if he wanted to hurt Dash nobody would be able to stop him.

Nobody had been able to stop Dash, and he didn't even have superpowers.

But in the end, nothing happened.

Dash went through the day untouched. Danny didn't even look his way. Not once. He just acted like yesterday never happened.

But it did happen, Dash still had the bruise on his cheek, and the terror set deep in his bones.

In the following days, weeks, months, Danny still never touched him, never looked at him, never talked to him. Dash realised that Danny probably wasn't going to do anything else after all, that maybe he hadn't even meant to hurt him in the first place.

He was a hero after all, he protected people, even people he didn't like. The only time he had ever come into contact with Dash again was to haul him out of the way of a ghost, and he did so with the same care as he would with anyone else.

Danny wasn't like him, he didn't gloat about hurting him, he didn't revel in the fact that Dash was scared of him. He just went about his day, acting for all the world like Dash didn't even exist.

Dash never gave him a true apology, it was clear Danny didn't want one, it was far too late for that.

It left Dash with a sick feeling of unfulfillment. He understood now what Danny had been going through, the pain, the terror, he wanted Danny to know that he was truly sorry, that he really had changed this time.

But he couldn't, because forcing an unwanted apology on him would just make Dash the asshole all over again, he was trying to steal a forgiveness that he could never have.

So he had to find his closure somewhere else.

He stopped picking on Mikey, and Nathan, and all of the other nerds he frequently hassled. He even tried apologising to them, some forgave him, others didn't, and he had to be okay with that. He struggled not to lash out, it still felt unfair, the world had always told him that you were supposed to forgive people when they apologised. It always happened that way on tv, in the cartoons he grew up watching. The mean kid would apologise, the other kids would forgive him, and they would all become friends.

He was realising that the real world was a whole lot more complicated than that, he didn't earn forgiveness just because apologising was hard, he was learning fast that he didn't earn any brownie points for taking responsibility for his actions. He was just doing what any decent person should.

It took him a while to come to terms with that, to stop being angry at people for not letting him make it up to them. For not letting him prove that he had changed.

All it took was to occasionally pass by Danny in the hallways for him to cool his jets and think more clearly. To remind him that he was the bad guy, he was the one who hurt people, that his victims did not owe him anything.

In his last year of school, he had found himself watching the juniors below him falling into the same behaviours, the same struggle for power and control. Pushing other kids around without so much as sparing a thought to how it made them feel.

After a lengthy chat with Mr Lancer, Dash was given permission to pull out younger students from detention one day a week. He would talk to them, ask about their lives, ask about their feelings. He would ask why they lashed out, why they thought it was okay to treat people that way. Most of them didn't have an answer, or simply refused to give one, but he would push, he wouldn't let them hide in ignorance like he did.

Some of them did feel guilt for the way they treated people, and they only needed someone they could talk to who could understand what they were going through, so they wouldn't take it out on whoever was around at the time.

Others would take more effort, they need a far stronger push in the right direction, they were defensive and combative, selfish and unapologetic.

Dash had been one of those kids, he knew they would be hard work, but he did his best. He couldn't help all of them, some were simply unwilling to change.

So he contacted the school-board, he pushed for better protection for students, more programs to help troubled kids, he volunteered to keep running his own counselling groups even after he graduated.

It still never felt like enough.

After graduation he turned down his favoured college to attend one closer to home so he could continue his volunteer work. He joined petitions and rallies for change across entire school districts, he spoke at other schools' anti-bullying campaigns. He'd attended enough of them in his own childhood that he knew they did next to nothing, but it gave him the opportunity to reach out to kids for one on one support.

He found more volunteers for his counselling groups, he helped people start them up in other local schools. It was a lot of work, especially when he was also juggling his college studies. He was taking a major in psychology, it was brutal, Dash had never been good at studying, but he'd decided that this was what he needed to do, this was important to him.

It still wasn't enough.

It would come at him in the night, as soon as he laid his head down on his pillow. He would see the faces of all the kids he hurt, it felt so much worse the older he got, they just looked younger and younger every time the memories came back to plague him.

He had beat the shit out of children. Kids who were the same age as the students he now counselled. He beat them until they were bloody or bruised, he shoved them into lockers, pulled pranks that humiliated them in front of the whole school, and he had laughed.

He'd laughed at their pain.

When the guilt weighed him down, he would begin searching for new programs to volunteer for, new petitions or rallies to get behind, always finding another way to help protect kids like Danny from kids like him.

And to protect kids like him from doing things that would one day haunt them.

He had spread himself thin across every school in the district, barely keeping afloat at college, but it wasn't enough.

It was never enough.

Kids still slipped through the cracks, schools were still too lenient, there were too many kids, not enough volunteers.

Casper High was holding another anti-bullying assembly. It had been a few years since Dash had attended one at his old school. This year they had excitedly announced that they'd even secured an appearance from Phantom himself.

Dash's blood ran cold, his hands shook as he went over his notes, he was slated to do his speech alongside Phantom's, they would be sharing the stage for a solid 75 minutes, barely a few feet from one another.

When Danny showed up he was already in Phantom form, Dash spotted him discussing emergency exit plans with one of the organisers in the event of a ghost attack.

He was so different from when they were in school.

He was tall, and broad, he stood with confidence and had a good natured charm to him. He was a hero, he was strong, he was brave. He could fight monsters ten times his size with a smirk and a witty one liner. He could take on anything, he wasn't afraid of anything.

He was a kid, running down a hallway, screaming words that still pierced through Dash's mind every time he saw the hero's face.

"DON'T TOUCH ME."

Dash's hands clenched around his notes, shaking so violently that they barely even looked like words.

"DON'T YOU EVER FUCKING TOUCH ME EVER AGAIN."

"Dash?"

A deep voice cut through the chaos in Dash's mind as cold hands closed over his tremblings ones.

"It's good to see you again."

Phantom was smiling at him, his hands still closed around Dash's.

"Good... good to see you too." Dash mumbled, not able to meet the man's eyes.

Phantom paused before releasing Dash's hands.

"I've heard all about your work." Phantom grinned as Dash finally looked up and met his eyes.

"Yeah." he said, and then before his mind could catch up with his mouth, he blurted out, "I'm sorry, for everything."

Phantom's eyebrows rose for a moment, before he gave a gentle smile and clapped a hand on Dash's shoulder.

"I know." he said warmly. "Thank you."

They gave their speeches, Dash had told his story many times before, the victim that he'd pushed to breaking point, the boy whose words drove the change that made him the man he had become.

For the first time ever, that boy was listening.

After the assembly had packed up and the volunteers were heading home, it was Danny Fenton who approached Dash and asked if he wanted to go grab a beer together.

Dash thought it would be rather awkward, but Danny had plenty of experience socialising with the public, awkwardness slid right off him, and soon enough Dash found himself laughing alongside Danny as he told a story about the new misadventures of the Box Ghost.

He returned to his dorm that night, head still swimming from one too many beers, and he had the best sleep of his life.

He pulled back on some of his volunteer work, hunting for new people to take his place as he focused on college. He was falling far behind, but he would work hard to make his way back. As a volunteer he could only do so much, but with the right education and training, he could do so much more.

The guilt still haunted him, every so often when the pressure and the stress weighed heavy, it would creep back into his mind. It would probably never go away, not entirely, but at least now he had his closure.

Finally, it was enough.

[sleeping-on-cracking-ice]

Hi, I have an idea for Chishiya if it's okay! He have something going on with Kuina's friend, and after she didn't came back from a game everyone thought that she died, but she actually just left (she didn't want to become too attached to Chishiya maybe?) and 1 month later the militants found her and Chishiya is rather cold toward her because she left him without saying anything. Happy ending if possible, please

Thanks for requesting, here you go. Enjoy! 🥰

Home | Shuntaro Chishiya

{Alice In Borderland Masterlist}

Character(s): Chishiya (ft. Kuina, Niragi)

Summary: You run away from the beach, but soon were found by the militants again. Chishiya, your closest companion, is mad when you return for not saying anything.

Warning: mention of sexual harassment, swearing, grieving, heavy angst

Word Count: 4.8k

*reader is female

Author’s Note: I’m sorry if the ending is a bit cliché, but I really enjoyed writing this one!

“I’m so sick of this shit Kuina. She’s gone. What the hell do we do now?”

Chishiya and Kuina sat on the top roof of The Beach. Their legs were dangling over the edge, above the groups of people who sang their hearts out over the loud music. They couldn’t be down there themselves, not that night.

“It’s so unfair,” Chishiya grumbled, rubbing his stained eyes with his hands. “I hate how everyone just moves on like nothing happened.”

Kuina sniffled, trying to control her runny nose as she listened to Chishiya’s pained words. “Look Chish, it was going to happen to one of us three at some point, it just happened to be Y/N.” Kuina tried to keep her voice stable, but the occasional voice crack gave away her sadness.

“Yes I know, but it still hurts so fucking bad.”

You hadn’t returned from your game. You hadn’t returned back to Chishiya and Kuina. You hadn’t returned home.

*******

“Oi Y/N! Slow the hell down!”

You heard Kuina yell out to you from down the hall. You laughed at her desperate attempt to catch up while Chishiya walked at his own pace watching you guys.

“Why are we suddenly having a race?! We have all day to get down to the pool!” Kuina called out. You stopped in your tracks and turned around to face her. “I want to get down there before the sun comes out and everyone wakes up! Don’t you want to have it just for us three for a while?”

“I suppose so,” Kuina breathed out heavily.

Chishiya’s lips pulled up into a smile as he watched you too bicker. “Oi you two. Be quiet. People in these halls are still sleeping,” he said.

Kuina turned to Chishiya and pulled a mocking bored face towards him. “Well you’re fun this morning,” she muttered in a sarcastic tone.

All three of you made your way to the pool on the bottom floor of The Beach, tripping and shoving each other playfully while giggling. You hardly ever did this together, because Chishiya always slept until noon, so you were excited about having the pool to yourselves before the sun came up.

When you reached outside, your chatters and the sound of your bare feet on the pavement broke the silence of the night. You hoped that Hatter kept the windows closed to his suite because you knew if you woke him up he would come down and beat your asses for being awake so early.

You looked over towards the pool that was still lit up with underwater neon blue lights from the night before. You’d think that they would shut all the lights off at least to save a bit of electricity, but apparently not.

Kuina had thrown her towel down carelessly on a nearby deck chair and was now chasing after Chishiya, who powered his short legs to try and escape her.

“Chishiya you’re going in the pool! You can’t chicken out forever!” she yelled as she caught up to him and wrapped her strong arms around his waist.

You could tell the years of martial arts training paid off for Kuina as she lifted Chishiya into her arms like he weighed nothing. “Bitch, put me down! I don’t want to go in the pool! Why is that such a crime!?”

You doubled over in laughter as Kuina held the cat-like blonde in her arms, him squirming more violently as she got to the side of the pool.

“Goodbye!” she yelled and dropped him into the pool. His screaming cut off as he was submerged into the water. You walked over and placed your stuff down, listening to Kuina and Chishiya bickering in the background.

It was a shame that you were planning on walking out on these guys. But in a world like this, the bad moments really outweighed the good ones.

“Alright you’re next!” you heard behind you, making you snap out of your short daze.

“Wait, no!” you bellowed as Kuina repeated the same thing she did with Chishiya. This time, it was his turn to laugh at you.

“Jesus christ woman. The fuck got you so lively this morning?” you laughed at Kuina, who gracefully dived into the pool to tease you two.

You felt Chishiya tuck his chin on your shoulder gently, taking you by surprise. “I guess we got to act as happy as we can now. Our five day visa ends tonight.” Chishiya mumbled to you two.

The air around the three of you suddenly became stiff at the mention of the games. You lifted your hand and placed it on Chishiya’s damp hair. “It’s alright, it was a fun and relaxing five days while it lasted,” you said cheerfully.

“Don’t say that like as if you’re going to die,” Chishiya scolded you. “You won’t die, none of us three will.” He was trying to reassure himself that he would come back from his game with you all happy and healthy waiting in the lobby for him. He hoped for that exact reality every time he had to leave you to restore his visa. He panicked even when you were ten minutes later than usual. It was a constant battle with anxiety when it came to caring for you in a world like this.

But unfortunately, while Chishiya was willing to fight against the growing anxiety that came with loving you, you didn’t want anything to do with it.

You and Chishiya have been as tight as two peas in a pod since Kuina introduced you. Kuina and you happened to meet at a diamonds game that was further in the centre of the city which was where you appeared in the game. She was nice enough to take you back to The Beach, because she thought that your intelligence and gentle personality would be useful.

But the plan of using you for Kuina and Chishiya’s own personal gain went out the window when both of them built a strong connection with you. They tried so hard to stop it, but in the end, they decided to make you an addition to their little manipulative games with the others. A mysterious duo became a peculiar trio.

That’s when Chishiya began to notice other things he felt.

He began feeling an irrational attachment to you, always wanting to be around you and always wanting to make sure that you were safe. You began noticing his additional little quirks as well, as soon you both fell for each other, without the other knowing of course.

Kuina obviously knew, as she was incredibly observant. She always kept her mouth shut though, wanting to see the drama play out in front of her. It was entertaining at times.

“You two are cute,” she gushed at you and Chishiya, holding a cheeky smile on her face.

Chishiya tucked his face into your neck to hide his blush, but it only made your heart skip a beat. “Shut up,” he mumbled into your skin.

You sighed heavily as he kept his place there, snaking his arms around your waist. This was honestly normal. The closer you’ve gotten with Chishiya, the less shy he’s been to convey physical affection. You loved and hated it at the same time, because you knew the more he made your heart race, the harder it would be to leave him.

At times you thought you’d rather deal with his cold and untrustworthy personality, like how he was when he first met you. It was easier to dislike him then, but now that his real personality has shown through, you realized how good of a person he actually seemed to be.

Chishiya never became close to someone, because he knew it would be hard to pull away when he needed to use them for his own survival. So he’s just always chosen to keep everyone at a distance.

You on the other hand, you hadn’t fallen down the deep whole of caring fully for someone in this world, but you knew you were about to stumble off the edge.

While Kuina and Chishiya waited to renew their visas, you waited to run away from the stress of waiting for your friend’s potential deaths.

******

You, Kuina and Chishiya trudged down the steps that led to the lobby. Hatter had called everyone to meet there a few minutes ago to prepare for the games. Hearing the familiar bell ring throughout the so-called paradise made your heart weaken. It was calling you to your end, every single time.

The trio of you took your usual place towards the back of the lobby, leaning against the cement walls and looking over everyone’s heads. How weird it felt, that by the time you gathered here next, the number of people would reduce by a couple dozen. It made your stomach sink in remorse. You truly were nothing more than soldiers fighting a war that wasn’t your own.

You looked down at your own feet, beginning to feel guilty about your plan of running away. The people you would abandon, the friends who would miss you. And even they can’t come find you, but you knew it was for the best. For both you and them.

You felt something tickle your hand. You glanced your eyes down to see that it was Chishiya, trying to sneak his hand into yours as Hatter began his booming speech across the crowd. You looked up to the blonde’s face, but he was focused on Hatter. You smiled sadly and accepted his hand into yours, earning a soft squeeze from him.

Kuina placed her head on your shoulder, leaning closer towards you. It was as if they knew, and they were trying to get you to change your mind. You felt tears building up in your eyes, but quickly wiped them away with your hoodie sleeve before anyone noticed.

Damn. You were never going to forget them.

******

Chishiya sat in the leather lounge in the lobby. He had just arrived back from his spades game. Wasn’t too difficult, for him at least.

Only now he was stressing inside, leg bouncing up and down on the carpet quickly. He knew you wouldn’t return for a good while, but yet he always was worried about you. No matter the situation.

Niragi didn’t help the situation. He strolled over earlier with a few of his militant mates and roughed Chishiya up for a bit. He honestly wasn’t in the mood for their antics, so he didn’t fight back much. They eventually got bored and walked away.

There hardly was anyone in the lobby, it was strangely quiet.

Chishiya looked towards the entrance to the lobby where a small group of people just walked in from. He recognized them as the group Kuina was placed with, so he stood up from his seat and quickly made his way over.

He managed to spot Kuina walking by herself at the back of the group. Chishiya let out a relieved sigh and strolled up to her. “Thank god you’re okay,” he said, giving her a short hug. “You too,” she replied.

They walked back over to where Chishiya was sitting beforehand and sat down. “Do you know who Y/N went with?” Kuina asked.

“No idea, I had to leave with my group before hers,” he answered.

They both sat in silence for a while, hearts squeezing in on themselves from tension.

As group after group piled into the lobby and moved to go to the back pool to celebrate their wins. While their hearts and minds were overflowing in joy of surviving, Chishiya’s and Kuina’s slowly became heavier and heavier with grief.

One of the last groups finally came back, being a few hours later than everyone else. Chishiya searched the small crowd for your familiar face, but didn’t see it.

“Kuina,” he started with a tense voice. “Don’t say it,” she immediately cut him off. “Don’t say anything Chish. She’s fine, I know it.”

That became harder and harder to believe the later into the night it got. Soon enough, no one was left in the halls and the lobby, either gone to bed or stayed out in the pool area.

Chishiya didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t feel anything. His body was tired from the constant tensing, the constant anxiety.

He stood up abruptly and looked towards Kuina, who had her head in her hands. He gave her a sad smile, and reached his hand out to help her up. “Come on, let’s go to the roof like old times,” he smiled, fighting the tears building up in his eyes.

*********

When they reached the top of the building after climbing many annoying flights of steps, Chishiya tilted his head back to feel the wind blow around his head. He opened his eyes and saw the galaxy of stars above him. ‘So weird,’ he thought to himself. ‘In a horrible place like this, such beautiful things can still exist.’

Kuina and Chishiya sat on the edge of the roof, feet dangling off the edge. Complete silence took over them. Neither of them knew what to say.

Kuina broke her gaze off the staggering height of the drop below them and glanced at Chishiya. He was staring straight ahead of him, hoodie covering his face so she couldn’t see what he was looking at.

“Chish, are you okay?” Kuina asked quietly, leaning forward to try and see his face. It felt strange to her, having Chishiya be completely silent for a change. Usually he would be making a smartass comment or a teasing joke towards her or Y/N. It was like the happiness in him had drained out.

He didn’t answer for a short moment, but then he turned his head to look at Kuina in the eyes. Kuina was taken back.

Chishiya had pools of tears cascading down his pale face, mixing with the sweat that he still endured from the game. He let out no sobs and no cries. Just dry, empty tears running down his cheeks like doves flying down the edge of a cliff.

“No, I’m not okay,” he muttered to her. “This fucking sucks.”

*******

It had been a few weeks since your death, not that there was a huge difference at The Beach from your disappearance. Everyone carried on like normal, everyone except Kuina and Chishiya.

They became secluded, more than usual. Kuina spent most of her time in the hotel’s gym, trying to distract herself from everything that happened. She wanted to get stronger so she could win games, she knew that’s what you would have wanted.

Chishiya however, he wasn’t taking your death well at all. Chishiya lost his fire, his headstrong attitude and snappy remarks. He kind of disappeared himself, but only his body stayed.

He felt stupid at times. What would he have expected? Of course you died, knowing his luck. He began irrationally thinking, believing that the world took you away because he didn’t deserve someone as warm-hearted as you. He felt cheated almost. It was like the universe had you dangling on a string in front of him, and when he finally had the courage to reach towards you, it yanked you away out of his view.

When he was having particular hard days, he would lie on his bed in his room for hours, not bothering to get up for food or the bathroom. He felt numb inside, he honestly thought nothing would be able to hurt him anymore, because he’s endured the worst of his emotions.

The mirror in his room was smashed, due to his own doing. He broke it a few days after the incident, screaming into the stuffy air of his room and throwing one of his makeshift knives at it. He watched in pain as it crackled and crumbled under the impact, seeing his own reflection fall into a million pieces, much like how he was feeling at that moment.

He had never experienced this kind of hurt before. He always thought other people were being dramatic when they broke down crying after hearing their significant other or friend didn’t make it back to The Beach. He thought that it should’ve been expected, that they shouldn’t be surprised that it happened. But he guessed you never know what another person is feeling unless you experience it yourself.

But god, does he wish he didn’t, because it hurt more than a thousand knives to his cold, stone heart.

**********

One day, Chishiya was standing on the edge of a balcony that looked over the entrance to The Beach. He enjoyed standing up there because he loved the spectacular view of the ocean. It reminded him of his real home, when he used to ride his bike down to the beach with his friends and swim in the water for hours. He missed life when it was so easy for him.

The breeze was cool on his skin, giving him goosebumps. It felt refreshing and somewhat free, a small taste of bliss for him. His eyes were shut as he listened to the crows screech in the distance and the ocean waves hit the shore. The sound of nature rang in his ears, making his endorphins swirl in his brain.

It was a good break every now and then from the usual melancholy emotions that swarmed around him, keeping his happiness locked down in chains. While he was on that balcony, actually breathing fully and normally for once, his demons decided to let loose of the chains that held his sweet happiness trapped.

Chishiya opened his dark eyes and glanced downwards towards the bottom level and saw something that caught his eye.

A group of three militants seemed to have a young woman in their grasp, one of them being Niragi himself. Chishiya watched as they tried hard to hold the smaller person at bay, as she was thrashing around trying to escape.

He frowned, confusion painting across his face. That girl, she looked oddly familiar.

Niragi told the militants to bring her around the side of the building, where a small alley was located beside the entrance. Chishiya knew that’s where the militants dragged people to kill them off, they were planning on killing her.

Chishiya wondered what she did that was so bad. Hatter hardly ever gave the order to kill someone, unless the situation was betrayal or anything worse.

He moved himself along the balcony towards where the commotion below him was occurring. He wanted to hear what they were saying, because who knows what shit Niragi gets up to without Hatter knowing. It seemed a little too suspicious to be dragging someone to their death in broad daylight, especially where everyone could see.

Chishiya heard slight fragments of what they were yelling: “You thought- … run away?!” Niragi screamed in his psychotic voice. “Let go of-...! …could have just left me there!”

Chishiya felt his heart drop. That voice, it was all too familiar. How could he have forgotten what your voice sounded like.

He lifted his head and stared forward in shock. That couldn’t be right, you’ve been dead for weeks!

He thought for a second, trying to come to a possible conclusion with the horrific yells in the background of his mind. How is it possible you could still be alive?

That couldn’t be you, it just couldn’t be. Chishiya shook his head and chuckled. “The fuck am I thinking? Great, now I’m hallucinating. No one told me that was another stage of grief.”

He turned his body to walk back inside to look for Kuina, until he heard the young woman getting attacked yell again, this time, clear as day.

“Chishiya! Kuina!”

That was it. That was definitely you.

Chishiya lifted his legs and began sprinting towards the staircase inside. There was no doubt in his mind that that wasn’t you. The way you said his name was too real to not be you.

He tripped and stumbled down the stairs, almost falling flat on his face on one flight. He had to get there before you were dead, for real this time.

As he pushed his entire body weight against the entrance doors to the hotel, he pulled a small knife out his white hoodie pocket. He had made it out of glass from his broken mirror, considering that Hatter wouldn’t allow him to have his own weapons.

Your screams were much more prominent now, more desperate sounding and more fearful. The sound pierced through Chishiya as he made his way quickly around the side of the hotel.

There you were, being pinned against the wall by two militants while Niragi held the barrel of his rifle against your chest, right over your heart.

Chishiya yelled out, which probably wasn’t the best idea considering his current situation. It was three tall men with guns against a small, frail man with a makeshift knife.

“Chishiya! The fuck you doing here?” Niragi asked with a cheeky smirk on his face. God, Chishiya wanted to punch him so bad.

“Let her go Niragi, you don’t want this to get ugly do you?” Chishiya threatened, holding his glass knife out.

Niragi laughed along with the other two militants. You still struggled against their grip, seemingly more calm with Chishiya distracting them.

“How cute ‘ey? Little blonde twink coming to save the love of his life, how sweet of you.” Niragi pressed, pushing his rifle harder against you just to push Chishiya’s buttons.

“If you haven’t noticed Chishiya, she ran away! She never died like you thought she did! She ran away from The Beach, she ran away from you!” 

His words were like bullets in Chishiya’s chest. He felt belittled and mocked, he hated it.

“Shut up! She wouldn’t do that!” he yelled frustratingly.

“Oh really?! She wouldn’t?! Then explain why we managed to find her strolling the streets of Tokyo! Not a scratch on her, and she seemed smart enough to run away when she saw us.”

Chishiya’s scowl dropped on his face. He looked at you to see if you would deny it, but you had stopped struggling against the two men and hung your head low, not looking into his eyes.

He shook off the hurt he felt from this fact. He had to focus on getting you away from Niragi before he took time to think about other things.

“Niragi please. Just let go of her, I promise I’ll make it up to you,” Chishiya begged. He felt small, never has he ever begged for something in his life.

“Hmm? How though? I was just about to have some fun with her before I killed her off. Why should I give that up just because you want me to,” Niragi spat at him. Your eyes widened in fear and you thrashed around in the grip that the militants had on you, panicking from Niragi’s threat.

Chishiya thought for a second. He would honestly give anything to bring you over to him. “My cards. You can take credit for every card that I collect for a couple of months. If Hatter or Aguni asks, just say I’m slacking. I’ll take any punishment they throw my way.”

You saw Niragi consider it before lowering his weapon off of your torso. You breathed out heavily in relief.

“Fine, but don’t expect me to do this again. You can’t bribe me with everything you sneaky fuck.” Niragi growled. The two militants let go of you and followed him out of the alleyway and into the entrance of The Beach.

You leant against the wall, staring at Chishiya as he stared down at the ground below him. The air between you two was tense. You could tell he was mad, Chishiya was always silent when he was incredibly angry.

“Chish, I-”

“Don’t talk to me. Just come.”

Don’t get me wrong, he couldn’t have been happier to see that you were alive and well. But the betrayal he felt from the fact that you ran away from him greatly outweighed his happiness.

He walked briskly ahead of you, you didn’t dare walk next to him or too close to him. He was scaring you a bit, and you wanted nothing but to sprint to your own room and hide from the rest of the world.

You were embarrassed and also frustrated you were caught. Trust Niragi and his cocky ass to find you.

Chishiya stopped in front of his own room, opened the door and gestured for you to walk inside. You hesitated before slowly making your way through the door. You hated how tense it was, it was the complete opposite of what you usually felt when you were around Chishiya.

You sat down on his bed, sitting in an awkward position and looked towards Chishiya. It was complete silence as he was frozen at the door, back towards you and holding the door handle harshly.

“What the fuck Y/N?” he mumbled. It was almost inaudible, but you could hear pain in his words, which made you immediately feel guilty.

“What the fuck was that? You ran away!?” he turned and yelled at you, tears building up in his eyes.

You flinched as his loud voice. You had never heard him yell in anger before, usually he kept his calm. You looked down to the ground, feeling your own eyes fill with hot tears. You felt like you were back in high school with your parents screaming at you for running away from home.

“I THOUGHT YOU DIED!” he shouted louder, “DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH PAIN YOU PUT KUINA THROUGH?! HOW MUCH YOU PUT ME THROUGH?!”

You couldn’t breathe. Pain and suffering dripped off his words like rain on a roof, coming together and creating an atmosphere that held air that was unbreathable. You suffocated on the oxygen, making you choke and cause tears to begin running down your cheeks.

“Why!?” he cried. “Why did you run!? There was no reason, me and Kuina could have protected you if you were too scared! Why did you think that running away was the only option!?” Chishiya stumbled closer to you, almost tripping over his own feet.

You flinched heavily as he placed his cold hands on your shoulders roughly. They were shaking from trying to hold your sobs in.

“WHY DID YOU LEAVE-” “Chishiya!” you interrupted him by snapping your head up to meet your eyes with his. His face dropped as he saw the sadness behind yours, replacing the wonderful and cheerful happiness that once swam in your eyes like dolphins in a sea.

“I l-love you,” you mumbled out between your shaky breaths. “That was the problem Chish. I-I’m in love with you and it hurt too fucking bad to know that you could disappear out of my reach at any moment. I ran because I didn’t want to watch you and Kuina die!”

Chishiya���s own hands shook violently against your shoulders. He gazed into your eyes which were red and puffy from your tears. They were shining more now than they had ever before.

“You don’t have to leave Y/N,” he whispered, still trying to control his own breathing. “I want you here, next to me. Not out there, because when you’re out there, I can’t be with you.”

You nodded and smiled sadly. Chishiya pulled his hand from your shoulder and cradled your face gently. He swiped his thumb over your cheek to get rid of the tears there. “I love you too, but I can’t be without you.”

A grin crept onto your face as you looked into his eyes. You felt safer than ever in his arms, why did you think of ever leaving?

Chishiya wiped his own tears with his hoodie sleeve and put on a happier smile. “You want to know how pathetic I am without you?” he giggled and held your hands in his.

“I almost threw myself off the top of the hotel the night you didn’t come back. Kuina had to tackle me to the ground to keep me away from the edge.” he laughed at himself.

You chuckled along with him. “Imagine if you did! What a shocker it would’ve been if I came back and Kuina saw me alive after you killed yourself because you thought I was gone!”

You both sat on Chishiya’s bed and laughed at each other. You had to do it, humour is best in times of stress and anxiety.

*********

You opened your eyes slowly, only to be met with the blinding light of the sun seeping through the blinds. You hissed and turned your head the other way.

Chishiya chucked at your reaction, making his chest that was underneath your head vibrate. “So cute,” he muttered to himself.

You pushed your face deeper into his chest and breathed in his scent. It felt good to be back with Chishiya. It felt good to be home.

Author’s Note: oKaY so this ended up being a lot longer than expected. Please send in some requests if you have any! 🥰🥰

[urlexaprohoe]

Stages of grief - Part 4

Bucky and Steve deal with the loss of Y/N, their favorite person

Warnings: Angst, character death (dealing with loss), Stucky x reader, swearing, suicidal thoughts, THIS PART MIGHT BE TRIGGERING FOR SOME PEOPLE!

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

913 words

Stage 4 – Depression [January 18th 2024]

It’s okay, I’ll be with you, darling…

Soft jazz music rang through Steve’s ears. She used to love those songs; it made her feel like she was with them in the old times. She never got enough of their stories about their youth; it almost felt like she liked their stories more than her actual life in the modern times. Bucky and him always told her that she’d think differently if she would’ve lived back then but in secret, they both thought the same. Their childhood was gorgeous, not a single thing in the modern times could live up to that.

Just wait a bit, soon I’ll be able to touch your beautiful face again…

He had always considered his time with Peggy as the best time of his life. He had loved her so much that he was pretty distanced when he met her at first. Falling in love again? It felt like a sin, unfair to Peggy. But as soon as he decided to give in, he realized that the one year he knew Peggy wasn’t even a single bit of the time he spent with her. She truly was the love of this life. And because of that, one would’ve thought that sharing her with Bucky would’ve been the worst thing ever. But it wasn’t. In fact, it made everything even better. Well, Steve never knew a time without Bucky, the relationship started out as the three of them. It was a beautiful day when the three of them finally decided to address their feelings. He was clearly able to remember the exact situation. She was sitting on the couch, looking up at the both of them. The last few months were full of weird situations between the three of them, always giving each other signs but still not really understanding the other one. And she was pretty sure that this situation would end up in a huge disaster. A fight between the both of them, their friendship would be destroyed and it would’ve been her fault. But honestly, she couldn’t take it anymore. Her love for the both of them was too strong to ignore any further.

Do you miss me, doll? You don’t have to anymore…

She told them while fighting tears of fear. But contrary to her beliefs, both of them took the news surprisingly well. And just like that, a perfect relationship was born. At first, a couple of people took it a bit weird, especially her parents. But it was okay, they had each other. And well, it wasn’t the worst thing in the world; every single Avenger supported them through and through. Sam teased Bucky a bit about it, since he wasn’t able to get a girl for himself. But it was a funny situation, they always shared a laugh. Yeah, it was a fun time. The missions were more bearable as well. She was a soldier before she met the both of them, but she had always worked for S.H.I.E.L.D. She considered the organization her home, not being able to imagine anything else than the boring gray walls of the headquarters and the annoying speeches of Nick Fury. But after she started to work for the Avengers, her life changed a lot. The training got a lot more intense, but her free time was filled with laughter and parties. She felt like she had finally found her second family. Everybody loved her for her great personality, even Natasha who was a bit rough to every new person. But she mostly got a lot of respect due to her fighting skills on the field. She truly was an incredibly brave person. And she never let anymore distract her from her life as a soldier, not even a stupid little thing like love. Well, that quickly changed from the moment on where she met Steven Grant Rogers and James Buchanan Barnes. They both were to die for.

I can’t wait to see you…

“STEVE! WHAT THE HELL?!” Steve felt himself getting thrown away from the edge of the building. He wasn’t able to fully process it; he could still feel his heart pounding in his head. He glanced to the side only to see his best friend trying to keep himself together through the stream of tears flowing down his face. “It’s okay, Buck…don’t cry...”

“NOTHING IS OKAY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” Bucky pressed his face against Steve’s chest, still shaking heavily. He wasn’t able to find Steve in his room this morning and as soon as he saw the open door to the roof, a bad feeling started to form in his stomach. He started to sob at the thought of losing his friend as well. “I know it’s hard, I get it more than everybody else…but don’t do this, it’s not a solution…DON’T LEAVE ME!”

Steve felt tears running down his face as well. He never really thought of his situation like this. He was so consumed in his own sadness that he completely forgot about Bucky and what he’d do to him. He himself didn’t know what he’d do with the help of his friend. Every time something felt impossible to go through, Bucky was by his side, helping him to get through it. It has always been this way.

He tried to speak through his tears. “It hurts…” Bucky looked up, eyes red from all of the crying. “I know that it hurts, goddamn…”

[cursedwriter]

Dancing with your Ghost - Fushiguro Megumi

Jujutsu Kaisen Masterlist 

Warnings: Deals with death, Megumi has various breakdowns, it’s just really sad over all... sorry for making you cry in advance! 

Words: 4.9k

Author’s Note: Kind of inspired by this song: Dancing with your Ghost - Sasha Sloan // Also, when they dance, I kinda imagined them to dance to this: Technicolour Beat - Oh Wonder 

“Is he still in there?” Yuji pointed at the door by the end of the hallway. Gojo was walking in his direction, his expression unreadable.  

“No matter what I tell him, he won’t come out.” His voice sounded tired, almost worn out. The sight must’ve been hard for him to bear. Itadori gulped. He wasn’t sure if he could take it. “You should try talking to him. Maybe he will listen to you. We both know he would regret it if he missed the ceremony.” Gojo patted Yuji on the shoulder, hand lingering for a few additional seconds in silent comfort.

“I’ll try my best,” Itadori nodded, though, he sounded more hopeful than he was. This was going to be rough.

Soon after, Gojo disappeared behind the corner and out of sight. His shoulders were slouching and his head was hanging low as if he couldn’t walk upright. This was hard on everyone. But the person who had it the worst of all was…

“Fushiguro, can I come in?” Yuji knocked on the door three times. No answer. He tried again. This time more forceful. “Hey, Megumi! It’s me, Yuji! Do you mind if I come in?” Still no answer. Itadori sighed, but he pushed the door open anyways, peering into the dimly lit library of the Jujutsu Tech High school. Admittedly, he’s never been in here before. Yuji wasn’t really the non-fiction reader… or anything that wasn’t manga, really. But upon entering the room, he couldn’t help but gawk. The shelves were stacked to the max, piling up above his head in a seemingly endless supply of books. There were books everywhere. The amount of knowledge that was stored in here was immense. And all about curses and jujutsu? Incredible! Maybe he should’ve come here sooner. He bet that there had to be at least a dozen books about Sukuna here somewhere.

“It doesn’t make any sense. It doesn’t make any sense.” Itadori was pulled out of his thoughts by the repetitive mantra that was coming from somewhere behind a shelf. He followed the sound that was mingled with quiet sobs and he had to force himself to keep walking. This was more terrifying than facing all the curses of this world together.

“Megumi?” He peered around the shelf, finding his friend sitting on the old wooden floor, frantically flipping through a book with yellowed pages that seemed to be falling apart at the seams. It must’ve been ancient.

“No sense, no sense, no sense,” he repeated over and over again as if that phrase was the only thing keeping him sane.

“Megumi?” Itadori tried again and finally Megumi’s head snapped up and he looked at Itadori like a deer caught in headlights… only way worse. His eyes were bloodshot with dark purple circles underneath them. A stark contrast to his sickly pale skin. Briefly, Yuji wondered if Megumi had slept at all since it happened. Tears were streaming down his face and it felt like they would never stop. An endless river of sorrow and despair. Yuji was sure he heard his own heart shatter in his chest as he looked at his best friend. He wished he could take some of the pain away. Even if it was just a little, but of course that was impossible. “The ceremony will start soon and-“

“That’s stupid!” Fushiguro cut him off harshly, his voice hoarse and quieter than usual. “Why would there be a freaking ceremony when she’s coming back?!”

“Megumi, she-“

“No! Stop it!” He yelled, throwing the book he was reading against the opposite wall. “Stop it! Shut up!” He pressed his palms against his temples as if he wanted to crush his own skull. “I’ll do it, you’ll see! All of you! You’ll see! I’ll bring her back! I’ll bring her back, okay?! I will – I will!” He repeated it over and over again and it was apparent that he wanted to proof himself right more than anything else. Maybe making him believe would help ease his pain? Should he encourage him? No. Despite wishing that he could provide some words of comfort right now, Itadori knew that false hope would be the cruelest thing he could offer. No matter how much it hurt, but Megumi couldn’t go on like this… searching for something that wasn’t real.

“Megumi, please. You’ll regret it if you don’t come,” Itadori tried again, picking up the book that Megumi had thrown away. He flipped through the first pages and he could already tell that the answers Megumi was searching for weren’t in this book. It was mostly about how sorcerers could reincarnate as curses if their dead bodies weren’t handled properly. If they died you had to make sure that the last hit was infused with cursed energy. Usually, that took care of things. However, if they died of natural causes, diseases or accidents there was a special ritual, a ceremony that made sure their bodies were put to rest accordingly. Kind of like a funeral, but then again, not quite. This was the ceremony Fushiguro refused to attend, even though it was highly valued among sorcerers. It was a way to pay your last respects, value their accomplishments and thank them for their sacrifice. He probably refused to go because that would make her death final and he would be forced to move on, no matter how hard it would be… and it was going to be very hard.

“SHE’S COMING BACK, DAMMIT!” Megumi yelled at him, reaching for another book that was stocked in a pile he’d built himself. The tower crumbled with the way he yanked it out, dozen books falling to the ground, scattering to their feet. It was eerily quiet for a second, Yuji didn’t dare to speak. The atmosphere so thick, he doubted even Maki’s demon blade could cut through it. And then, right when he wanted to say something, anything really to get rid of the suffocating silence in the room, Megumi started sobbing. Not like before. Impossibly, it was even worse. His whole body shook with the action, hands that were clinging onto the book were trembling and despite him hanging his head low, Yuji could see the frequent tears that were hitting the old worn out pages of the book, blurring the ink further, making it almost unreadable.

Hesitantly, he took a step forward, but he wasn’t quite sure what to do. Should he hug him? What could he even say? Should he call for someone? Gojo-sensei? Would he know what to do? Or Nobara? Or, wait! Y/N always knew what to do when it came to him… Oh, right…

Yuji slapped his forehead with the palm of his hand. How could he forget?! It really didn’t feel real yet, huh? Itadori tried to swallow the big lump in his throat as he crouched down and gently took the book out of Fushiguro’s shaking hands. He looked so fragile, as if a single slap to the wrist could break his arm.

“I just don’t get it,” Megumi whispered. His voice sounded far away, as if he was underwater or as if Yuji had cotton in his ears, muffling his voice to a point where it was almost incomprehensible. “It’s just so unfair.”

Yuji placed the book on the ground beside him, skipping over the title “Resurrection and the balance of the world”, it read. He gulped again. Could it be possible?

“I know it is.” He laid a comforting hand on his shoulder and another muffled cry escaped Megumi’s mouth. Yuji had seen a lot over the course of just one year, but not once has he witnessed such utter despair. The sight pulled on his heart strings in ways he couldn’t even explain.

“She fought against the most heinous creatures every day and you’re telling me she died because some fucking asshole thought it was a good idea to drive while being absolutely shit faced?!” Some of his words were swallowed by his sobs, but Itadori understood him well enough. “I refuse to believe that! I refuse to accept that!”

Momentarily Itadori was thrown back to the moment they got the call, he remembered it all too vividly. The shock, the confusion and his scream…

“I’m sorry for your loss,” the nurse led them into the room. The air was chilly and it smelled like disinfectant.  The stench so unbelievably strong, Megumi thought he might throw up. It burned in his eyes and nose and he distantly felt his cheeks getting wet. He couldn’t tell if it was because of the smell or of what was to come… at this point, it still felt like a sick joke, some twisted game or prank. Just not real, like a dream, a nightmare he would wake up from any second.

There was a single bed in the middle of the room, the body underneath covered by a white cloth. Gojo, Nobara and Yuji gathered around it, hands clutched together in front of them as if they were silently praying. Megumi hesitated. He stood in the doorframe, looking at the scene in front of him and nothing seemed to make sense anymore. Everyone was crying. Even Gojo seemed more tense than usual and he was sure he saw a stray tear slip from underneath his sunglasses.

The room was silent, except for the door falling shut behind him as the nurse left them to mourn in peace. This was a dream, right? A nightmare? How could it be anything else?

Megumi’s footsteps echoed off the walls as he hesitantly approached the bed covered in white sheets.

This is just a dream. This is a nightmare. You’re going to wake up any second now. Just wake up. Wake up! Wake up, dammit!

But he didn’t wake up. Not even as he reached for the white cloth. And he didn’t wake up as he slowly lifted it up. He didn’t wake up when everyone sucked in a sharp breath. And he didn’t wake up as Nobara’s knees buckled and she fell to the ground sobbing. He didn’t wake up as he laid his eyes on your peaceful but lifeless face.

Megumi didn’t wake up. But God did he wish he did.

He stood there for what felt like an eternity. Studying your features. How your hair was softly flowing on the pillow, how your lips were slightly parted as if you would wake up at any given moment and tell him something important. But he also noticed that your cheeks lacked their signature pinkish tint and your lips were more blue than their usual vibrant red.

His hand inched closer to your face, connecting to your cheeks and adoringly caressing it. It was cold underneath his touch. Your skin feeling more like wax than it felt alive.

No one said anything, the only sound was Nobara’s quiet sobs that she tried to stiffle to the best of her abilities. Everyone watched Megumi and no one knew what to do. Neither of them has ever felt so helpless. Even Gojo was rendered speechless at the heartbreaking sight in front of him.

And then, everything slowly started to sink in…

She’s gone.  She’s gone. She’s really gone! You’re not waking up! Why aren’t you waking up?! Wake up!! No, no, no. This can’t happen. This can’t happen. This isn’t happening! Tell me this isn’t happening?!

Didn’t I just talk to her this morning? Didn’t we talk about going to the beach as soon as it got warmer? Didn’t we make dinner plans? Didn’t she boast about a new recipe she wanted to try? Didn’t this just happen? And you’re telling me that all of that is just… gone? Just like that? In a moments notice… poof?! Evaporated into thin air? You’re telling me that?

“Wake up, dammit! Wake up, dammit! WAKE UP!”

Everyone stared helplessly at Fushiguro. At first no one knew if he was talking to himself or you, but then he started desperately shaking your shoulders, repeating the words over and over again. “We wanted to go to the beach, remember? You told me you couldn’t wait! Come back, and I’ll drive us right now! Come back! Come back to me, please! Please!”

Gojo couldn’t bear the sight anymore. The way he shook your body as if that would change anything. With a few long strides he closed the distance between him and Megumi and pulled him away from the bed. He was thrashing at him, screaming in his face to let him go, but Gojo didn’t listen. He gladly took a hit or two if that meant Fushiguro could get at least some of his frustration out of his body. To Gojo, the room itself was a hard place to be in – for obvious reasons. The energy here made him feel uneasy and on edge. The amount of cursed energy gushing out of Megumi was immense and almost unbearable. He had to get his emotions in check or else…

Megumi continued to yell and thrash. “Let me go, you bastard! Let me go! I need to see her! I need to see her!”

“I understand that this is hard for you, but you need to calm down!” Gojo’s voice was stern. This was probably the first time ever that he actually put on the façade of a responsible adult. Nobara and Yuji watched the two with wide eyes, but didn’t interfere otherwise. “If you keep this up, you might end up cursing her! Do you want that?!”

“Let me go! Let me go!” Megumi wasn’t listening.

“Megumi, snap out of it!” Gojo’s palm connected to Megumi’s cheek, his flesh burning hot where it had connected. For a moment, the room was silent again. Only Megumi’s labored breaths broke through the thick tension.

“You bastard!” Megumi launched himself at Gojo with all his strength, but that was exactly what Gojo intended. It was better if he directed all his energy towards him than having it leak out of him uncontrollably. Otherwise he had the potential of manifesting a new special grade curse that neither one of them wanted to deal with, especially if you were to be reborn as said curse.

Megumi stopped his relentless attacks, knees buckling under his weight as a single agony filled screamed echoed off the walls…

Megumi slowly opened his eyes. His head was aching, blood soaring in his ears. What happened? He looked around himself. The room was dark, only illuminated by the moon light that peered through his partially closed blinds. He was laying in his bed, the room a mess just like he remembered. That was unlike him. Well, ever since that day he hasn’t been himself at all. Now, he more or less felt like an empty shell, existing but not alive.

He groaned, sitting up while he rubbed his temples, hoping to get the relentless throbbing to stop. Ah, that’s right. A few flashes of the previous events reminded him of what had happened. Megumi’s frustration and anger had gotten the best of him and he started throwing books, ripping them out of their shelves and even tearing some of them apart when he couldn’t find the answers he was looking for. Yuji had to call for Gojo and he in turn had knocked him unconscious.  

Megumi huffed. Great. Now he was probably not permitted to go to the library again. He should really start thinking before lashing out like this. No, matter, though. If push comes to shove he’d find a way in and if it’s the last thing he did. He didn’t really care anymore anyways. What’s the worst that could happen? Expulsion? That was nothing.

He peeled the covers back, his shirt sticking to his body uncomfortably. Maybe he should take a shower before he went back again.

Reluctantly, he got up and walked towards his bathroom, mindful not to trip on anything that was scattered on his floor.

Once he was there, he turned the shower faucet on, letting the water heat up while he stripped out of his clothes. His head was still killing him and his whole body ached. He shivered, even as he got into the shower and the hot water burned his skin. He was still cold. For some reason he didn’t seem to be able to get warm anymore, as if you took all of his warmth with you, when you left him.

“Ew, stop doing that,” you laughed wholeheartedly as Megumi shook his wet hair in your face after coming out of the shower. “Seriously, are you a dog?”

“No, but I love hearing you laugh.” Megumi wrapped his arms around you, pressing your back against his naked chest as you both watched your reflection in the mirror. “I really love you, Y/N. So much,” he whispered in your ear, not taking his eyes off the mirror. He could see the faint blush on your cheeks and he placed a soft kiss to the nape of your neck to emphasize his words.

“I love you, too.” The smile on your lips and the way your eyes sparkled with joy, filled his heart with warmth and light. He could bask in it for all eternity and he would never get tired of it.

Megumi turned the water off, still shivering. It was to no use. His skin was burning red, though, and the whole room was filled with steam and yet, he had goosebumps all over his body. His teeth started clattering as he dried himself and he put on new clothes.

The clock on his bedside table told him that it was three in the morning. He felt like he forgot about something… something important. What was it again?

And then his eyes widened in shock. No, no, no.

“Hey, look!” Megumi felt your slender fingers wrap around his wrist, your warmth immediately warming his cold skin. You tugged him gently and he followed you. It didn’t take long for you to reach your desired destination and you stopped, eyes shining with awe in them as you watched over the city, lights sparkling and illuminating the darkness. Megumi couldn’t deny that the view was breathtaking, but he couldn’t keep his eyes from constantly looking at you instead. The way your face lit up, the way the lights danced on your face and how your cheeks were always tinted in their usual pinkish color, made him fall for you all over again. His heart hammered in his chest and his pulse picked up. Butterflies assaulting his stomach in the best way imaginable and he felt like he was floating above ground. Never has he felt so happy. “There! It’s starting!” You beamed at him as the first flash of light painted the night sky in a bright blue color, then it changed to red and then green. The sound of other fireworks being set off rang through the otherwise silent night. Here, on top of the mountain away from anyone, it was the most peaceful place he could imagine. But he wasn’t sure if it was only because of the view and the fact that no one was around or if it was because you were here. Whatever it was, he didn’t dream to fight it. The feeling so foreign yet so welcomed.

Suddenly your hand appeared in his line of vision and he didn’t hesitate to take it. What he didn’t expect was you starting to spin around. It took him a moment to catch up. “C’mon, Megumi, what are you doing? Don’t just stand there so stiffly! Dance with me!” You urged him on and Megumi felt his cheeks heating up in embarrassment. He could only hope that you couldn’t see it.

“There’s no music, though,” he said, trying to find an excuse to not make a complete fool out of himself. You see, Megumi wasn’t a dancer. Give him a choreographed fighting formation and he could do that no problem, but moving his feet to the rhythm of a song? Nope. That was sure to end in him tripping over his own feet and in the worst case break his leg or arm.

You rolled your eyes at him, but instead of saying anything, you reached into your back pocket to get a hold of your phone. It didn’t take long and the sound of the fireworks was mixed with the soft tune of a song that he didn’t know. “Better?”

Well, not really… Megumi scratched the back of his head, unsure. Better to come clean, I guess. “You see… I can’t really dance… like at all,” Megumi stammered.

“So what? I can’t dance either,” you laughed, spinning around and jumping up and down like it was the most normal thing to do. The smile on your face never faltered and you did another spin, throwing your hands up in the air, moving them around awkwardly. Megumi couldn’t help but laugh at your awkward movements. You looked so silly, it was hilarious. “See? Now it’s only fair that you make a fool out of yourself, too. You can’t leave me hanging like this!”

What the hell, right? Megumi started moving his feet, still super stiffly and anything but graceful, but he did it. He looked at you, following your movements and it didn’t take him long to get the hang of it… well, somewhat at least. He still looked really awkward and helpless, so you reached both your hands out for him again and he grabbed them without hesitation, just like before. You started spinning both of you in circles, giggling at the way his face lit up slightly. He joined your laughter, looking at you with the most adoring smile in the world. It felt… so easy. Everything with you felt so easy.

So now it was just the both of you, spinning around in fast circles, laughing at the night sky filled with stars while in the distance the sound of fireworks slowly died down. The music playing softly in the background, but you didn’t even care that the rhythm of the song didn’t match with your movements at all. Nothing mattered in that moment. Just the two of you. Together. Forever.

“Ah, I was wondering when you’d show up.” Gojo scratched the back of his neck, smiling apologetically. “Maybe I was a bit too rough, when I knocked you out. Sorry about that.”

Megumi stared at him sitting in the front row of lined up chairs. The room was only dimly lit by the candles at the other end. The soft light they cast illuminated a picture of you in a black frame. It was the same one he had saved as his phone background. Megumi gulped, feet moving on their own as he approached Gojo, though, he felt his knees wobble unsteadily. The air became thicker and thicker with every other step he took. It felt excruciatingly hard to breathe. It was suffocating.

Megumi sat down on a chair next to Gojo, forcing himself to tear his eyes off the framed picture in front of him. If he didn’t he was afraid he might break down again. So he shifted his attention to the man in the chair next to him. He was already looking at him, his eyes hidden behind his sunglasses, as usual. There was a slight frown in his features, though, and his mouth was pressed into a thin line, a stark contrast to his normally giddy self. So Gojo could be serious, huh? Who would’ve thought? Bet you would’ve loved to see him like that…

“Megumi,” Gojo broke the silence first, his tone soft, but there was a certain sternness behind it that Megumi didn’t know he had until now. It left no room for interpretation. This was going to be a serious talk and Fushiguro didn’t know if he was ready for that yet. “I know that losing someone you care about is not easy and I’m not trying to pretend that I know exactly what you’re going through right now, but I’m telling you as your sensei and as a friend… you have to move on. And that means you have to stop looking for ways to bring her back.”

Megumi opened his mouth to tell him off, but Gojo just held a finger up to show him he wasn’t done yet. The crease between Megumi’s brows deepened, but he kept his mouth shut regardless. “The world works under a few distinct principles. Rules that cannot be broken, if you will. Like we know that after the sun sets, dawn will come. With darkness, there is light and no matter how harsh a winter might be, spring will always come next. And the pinnacle of those rules will always be that with life there comes death. We don’t get to choose when this’ll be or how it’ll happen, but from the moment we’re born we know without a doubt that we’ll have to leave this place at some point. Death is certain. It’s but one part of life and disrupting that cycle, breaking one of the unbreakable rules, would cause the whole system to fall apart. It would level the ground for mayhem and destruction, nothing would make sense anymore. The world would crumble. As sorcerers you know that we protect the ones who cannot protect themselves, but we also maintain balance and Megumi… while I do understand your desire to see her again, I have to warn you… even if there is a chance, I won’t let you do it at the expense of everyone else’s life.”

Silence fell between them again. Megumi had a hard time believing that these words really just came out of Gojo’s mouth. Deep down, he knew he was right. He knew it was a futile plan to bring you back. It was selfish and irresponsible, but he was so… desperate. So desperate to hear your voice again, so desperate to listen to you laugh or complain, so desperate to feel your delicate and warm touch on his cold skin. He was so desperate for these things; he couldn’t think straight. His mind felt foreign to him without you there. He didn’t know who he was, who he would be without you by his side. He didn’t know if he wanted to be in this world anymore with his source of warmth and comfort gone. They said, time healed all wounds but as of now that seemed impossible. Just a thing people told themselves to keep moving forward. A lie that was supposed to protect oneself from the cruel and harsh truth that the world didn’t stop spinning, that time passed by and that dawn always came… no matter what. The world moved forward regardless if you were here or not and it felt like a cruel joke to him. Nothing seemed the same. He didn’t recognize anything, looking at the world with different eyes. How could there be a world without you in it? Why was everyone moving forward while he was left behind? And how could they? How could they move on? Why didn’t the world stop spinning? It should. Because nothing felt right. Nothing was the same. And yet… that only held true for him.

Megumi wiped away his silent tears with the sleeve of his shirt. “But I didn’t even get to say goodbye,” he croaked out. It was the first thing that came to his mind. He replayed the morning with you over and over again and he couldn’t remember if he said goodbye to you when you left that fateful day. Did he? Did he not? In any case, he would’ve never thought how final of a farewell it would’ve been in the end. “I don’t even remember the last thing I said to her,” he sobbed.

He felt beyond guilty for not being able to recall it clearly. Did he say ‘I love you’? Did you say it back? He wanted to believe he did, but he just wasn’t sure and it drove him insane.

“She knew that you loved her very much, Megumi. I’m sure she knew until the very end.” Gojo patted his shoulder a few times, before he got up. “Take all the time you need.” He left the room, closing the door behind him, but not before he turned around one last time, looking at Megumi with worried eyes. “But remember, Megumi… You have to move on eventually, no matter how hard it is. For her sake and your own… Just know that you have people in your life that you can rely on any time, okay?”

Megumi nodded and Gojo let the door fall shut behind him. The silence that ensued was almost deafening. Finally, Megumi let his tears fall freely, sobbing like a child and sucking in air after shallow breaths.

Everything hurt with you gone. How could he ever move on? How could he ever love again? Megumi was scared he might break in half. How much pain could someone even bear? Though, deep down he knew that he didn’t have a choice… He had to try. And he would try his hardest to keep moving forward, holding on to that tiny glimpse of hope that one day he’d see you again. And when he did, he swore to himself to never stop telling you how much he loved you. Always and forever.

[merminns]

No regrets

Erwin Smith x Reader

❧ Request: Hii may i request...Erwin angst...when (S3 spoiler) Erwin march toward the 🐒 with the other soldier, instead of him tht went, it was the reader. Reader just cant make the humanity lost their commander so when he is distracting (idk something happened) reader just take their horse n march with the soldiers, (then do ur magic DETAILS like ur erwin stories✨✨) n levi also decide not to save us like in the s3....shshsh i know this lame :33

❧ Content/Warnings: platonic levi x reader, season 3 spoilers, angst, mentions of injuries and blood, reader dies in the end 

❧ Word count: 3k

❧ Notes: this is a repost from my old blog

Going back to shiganshina after all of these years was a huge deal. Especially after the glorious send-off you were given by the citizens of Wall Rose. You came back to reclaim Wall Maria after six long years, you’re taking back your land and defeating the titans that filled your hearts with terror, cause that’s what heroes do.

But in reality, it didn’t really feel that way to you. Instead of being the hero who’s facing their fear, you feel like a terrified child living in a nightmare.

You expected a fight with the titans, of course, you did. Taking back your land won’t come without a fight, without losses. And it’s not your first time facing titans.

You’ve been fighting them for years now, getting rid of them one after the other alongside your friends. Your records are filled with a decent number of kills and you are proud of it.

But this… this is different, you’ve never been in this situation before. You fought titans and you watched them kill your comrades in the worst ways imaginable, but never in your various years within the survey corps did you ever imagine that these monsters would show this tactical intelligence.

It made the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end. Titans are a nightmare on their own, with intelligence like that you’re surely done for.

When you came to shiganshina you expected a fight against the armored and the colossal, even the beast titan, but not a tactical war with pure titans that follow command, and most certainly not rocks killing your most skilled comrades and caging you against the wall.

Despite your fear, you felt a sarcastic chuckle slip past your lips. You’ve lived for years with nightmares of being eaten, and now you’re dying in a titan game of baseball, how pathetic.

Your eyes drifted to Erwin and Levi who were having a private conversation nearby as you tried to calm the panicking recruits. Erwin… your commander, your love, the man who never knew how to back down. He's not in the best physical state, but he just had to come along. He had to be here even though he knew he won't be able to fight.

Despite the fear eating at your heart, you kept your composure, that’s the least you owed your commander. After the recruits calmed down, you made your way to where Erwin and Levi stood. Their conversation halted as you stood in front of them, their eyes holding something unreadable in their depth.

"I'm hoping these looks mean you came up with a plan… " You spoke, your voice coming with the quiver you never hoped to show.

A moment of silence passed, a look shared between Erwin and Levi… if this meant anything then you weren’t about to hear good news. There was tension in the air as Erwin explained his plan to you. It was then that you understood the look in their eyes, you think a similar one can be seen in your eyes now.

It finally dawned on you that this is the end. There is no way out of this war alive. Erwin's plan had a single meaning; if you keep standing where you are, you'll be flattened by the rocks thrown at you by the beast, and if you fight back, you die. You'll have to give your lives so Levi could deal with the Beast Titan.

You always knew this day would come. A war with the titans can’t end without casualties. The survey corps numbers were always changing. These are all facts, but you had hoped it wouldn’t be like this.

The fear was eating at your insides, it’s impossible to face titans without it, but you knew ever since your very first day with the corps that you’ll have to be ready to give your life. You were ready to accept it… that is, until Erwin spoke up again.

"We'd have to ask these young people to give up their lives. You'd need the skills of a first-rate con man to come up with a reason that convincing, so I doubt any of them would charge forward unless I was leading the way."

His words are like a slap back to reality, it wasn’t just your life you were giving. All of your remaining comrades will have to give theirs too, including the commander. The survey corps are going to be wiped out in a crazy move of mass suicide. But it wasn’t only your lives that would have to be given, and all it took was one look in Erwin’s eyes to know where this was going.

"Which would mean I'd be the first to die, " Erwin said and you held your breath waiting for his next words "without ever learning… what was in that basement."

You knew it, you knew this was coming but it still hurt. Amid this chaos, you managed to forget the reason why Erwin insisted to be here in the first place.

'Oh, Erwin, if only you weren't so stubborn' The words were dancing on the tip of your tongue but you couldn’t speak.

Of course, Erwin has dreams, he’s just as much of a human as everyone here. While most of the corps were fighting for freedom or revenge, Erwin was fighting for the truth, for evidence that his father’s death meant something.

The look of shock on Levi’s face came nowhere close to the pain you felt. You joined the scouts for a purpose, too. Your dream was freedom, you hoped to be free of the confinement and the terror that the existence of the titans brought. But, now that you think about it, you did get a taste of freedom.

You were free from the confinement of the walls on your horse, feeling the air rushing through your hair and over your skin every time you went out on an expedition.

You were free of terror every time you raised your swords to cut through the nape of a titan’s neck. Every time you brought a titan down you had a taste of the freedom you were chasing.

And the people who fought for revenge, didn’t they get that too? They killed titans, they felt the satisfaction of getting rid of the enemy who hurt them and their loved ones.

The only dream that was never given a chance was Erwin’s. How unfair could the world be to take away the only chance from the man who helped give almost every soldier in the scouts a taste of their dreams? No… he can’t die, not yet.  

You let Erwin give his speech. That’s one thing that no one else can do. Erwin is the only one who can convince the recruits, crying out in fear, to stand tall and fight back as they take their last breaths of the air filled with the smell of dust and death.

As Erwin and the recruits were absorbed in their final thoughts and the speech, you slightly pulled on Levi’s sleeve pulling him back several steps.

The first step of your plan came into action as you answered Levi’s questioning look with a whisper “I want you to distract him.”

“What?” Levi asked, the confusion only growing on his face.

“I want you to distract Erwin. He is giving his speech, I’ll lead the recruits to their death,” you say, your whole being pleading that Levi would agree to help you. He has to, this won’t work out without his help.

“But—”

“Levi, please. The scouts still need him, you know that!” you pause glancing back at Erwin to make sure he’s not listening “When it’s time to move, I want you to pull him aside, tell him it’s something important. It’ll only take a few seconds, then you can carry out your part of the plan and kill the beast.”

“And how do you plan to stop Erwin from following you?”

“I’ll take any extra horses with me, he won’t be able to help you kill the beast and his odm gear won’t do much for him to follow after me,” you held your breath, your eyes pleading. This has to work “Please! Just do me this final favor.”

A moment passed as Levi glanced at Erwin then back to you, his expression unreadable. It was obvious your sacrifice isn’t just for the sake of the corps. “...Fine, but you’ll have to be quick”

“I’ll do my best… Thank you, Levi” the smile that spread across your face was blinding. It held so much gratitude, a final thank you combined with a goodbye.

It didn’t take long for Erwin’s words to give everyone back their composure. You helped everyone fall in line as fast as possible. You are running out of time. The houses around you are almost flattened. You have to move forward, this has to work. You can’t fail this, it has to be meaningful, for you, for the recruits who’ll pay their lives with you, for the whole of humanity… and most importantly, for Erwin.

Everyone is on their horses but it’s not time to move yet. You let your eyes meet Levi’s for one last time giving him a slight nod, signaling for him that you’re ready as you settled on your horse.

Levi stopped Erwin from riding his horse beside you, telling him there’s something important that he has to know first and pulling him aside. He walked Erwin as far from you and the recruits as possible without making it seem suspicious.

Erwin followed urgently after Levi not even allowing you one last look at his face. But that was ok, you didn’t need to see his face, it was already burned to the back of your eyelids.

It all took a few seconds, once you saw Levi and Erwin start talking you took hold of Erwin’s horse and started screaming encouragements for the recruits to charge as you rushed forward. Erwin’s shock had him freeze for a couple of seconds and that was enough for you.

You charged forward with the recruits right after you. Levi waited for a few more seconds to make sure Erwin wouldn’t follow after you. When he was sure you were far enough he took off towards his target, leaving Erwin standing there alone his eyes wide in shock.

Your screams of encouragement were so loud, louder than Erwin ever heard them. They were loud enough that even though you were too far away for him to follow he could still hear your voice filled with determination.

You didn’t look back, there was no reason to. This is the right decision, this plan will work and Erwin will lead what’s left of the scouts to victory. Your life is a small price to pay, it’s nothing compared to the rest of the lives that were already lost.

You can see the beast drawing his hand back, getting ready to shower you with the next round of crushed boulders. Your yelling never stopped even though your throat was running sore from all the screaming.

You didn’t stop when the flares were shot, not when the rocks started showering the frontline lead by you. You didn’t stop when the rocks started growing larger in your vision, you hardly even saw them. All you could see was the future, a bright one without the titans and the fear and the pain. You could see the past, the best and the worst of it. All the memories that you shared with every single one of your comrades.

You kept yelling for everyone to rush forward as tears ran down your face. It’s going to be ok, you had all you ever needed. It was time for you to follow through the same path your fallen comrades walked.

Your screams were cut short when the first rock hit you, sharp pain running through your whole body and the world started spinning as you fell off your horse. The tears still filling your eyes helped blind you, sharp whistles filling your ears and the ever-growing pain flowing through you in waves.

You could hear screams of the fallen around you, hidden behind the ringing in your ears. You could feel the air rushing across your skin as the soldiers rushed past you on their horses. Your mind was as paralyzed with pain as your body.

You just laid on the ground, your tear-filled eyes directed to the blue of the sky but the world has lost its color. It went on forever until you were numb, you have lost all feeling, the only thing you can hear is the sound of your heart growing faint as the blood pooled around your body.

You let your eyelids cover your eyes like curtains, your mind swimming somewhere between consciousness and an endless void. You could hardly feel a thing.

It almost felt like falling asleep, your grasp on reality slipping away. But through the back of your mind, the tiny part that was still conscious could feel your body being moved by someone and a rapid rush of air running across your skin.

It gave a jolt to your brain as if something is trying to pull you back to reality but you were too weak. All you wanted was some rest, you just wanted to sleep.

It was a shock to everyone that you’re still alive. You were in bad shape after losing so much blood. Your breath was faint, but it was there and it was enough for you to be revived by the injection. Armin’s state was worse, the fact he was still breathing was a complete miracle, his whole burned away.

Through your clouded consciousness, you could register voices and movement around your body that laid motionless close to Armin’s. It took everything in you to open your eyes, to try to make out the words being yelled back and forth around you.

Through your blurry vision, you could make out the outline of a face so close to yours, peering down at you. You couldn’t see clearly but you knew it was Erwin. Your hearing wasn’t fully registered but you could make out a few words, things like ‘Armin’, ‘Injection’, ‘need’, and your name.

Your foggy mind could barely understand what was going on, but questions started to fill up the part of your consciousness still present.

Were you dying? The last thing you remember is sharp pain rushing through you in waves, but it seems more like a distant memory.

Was Armin dying? If there are mentions of Levi’s injection then this surely is the case.

A few seconds passed when a new figure appeared in your limited line of vision looking down at you over Erwin’s shoulder. Both of them shifted around until the short figure disappeared again, leaving you with Erwin.

Erwin’s voice was so close to your ears, faint whispers about how it’s going to be alright falling past his lips. You felt a huge hand wrap gently around your forearm, followed by a sharp object touching your arm. The injection!

“No,” The barely audible whisper that left you halted Erwin’s actions as his eyes shot to your face “Did we win?”

It felt like too much time has passed before you heard Erwin’s reply “Yes, it’s over”

You were using up too much of your energy to fight back the fog filling your mind. Just a few seconds more, a few more and you’ll allow yourself some rest.

“Save… Armin” your voice was growing weaker, breaths growing shorter.

It broke Erwin’s heart. He was once again being selfish, everyone else chose to save you because you had more experience. To them, you were more valuable to the scouts, with the exception of Armin’s friends who couldn’t accept the fact of him dying.

And Erwin? He wasn’t much different. He wanted to save you because he needed to. He needed to scold you for the stupid move you pulled. He needed to tell you that he would’ve preferred dying by your side than be faced with your death. He needed you to live.

You didn’t understand, he can’t let you die. There was no time for him to explain how valuable you are to the scouts, how valuable you are to him.

He was about to ignore what you said, bring the syringe back to your arm again but with the almost non-existent strength you had, you pulled away.

“Armin” you whispered again, weakly. Your strength wasn’t enough for you to pull back completely, just slightly shift your arm away from the sharp needle, but it was enough to send your message across.

Erwin understood. You were never as selfish as him. You always made the decisions that would benefit the ones you care about most. Erwin took a shaky breath, the composure he usually kept was there for everyone’s eyes, but he wasn’t as composed on the inside.

Armin is a valuable soldier. He is an essential part of the scouts and you understood that. He should be the one to live. And Erwin knew this fight would make no difference if he couldn’t throw everything he had away.

He was ready to throw his dreams and his life away, but you chose for him. You decided he’d keep his life and dreams but in exchange, he’d have to give you up.

After injecting Armin and pulling your weak body away, Erwin stayed by your side. He kept his one hand placed on your heart, waiting for the faint beating to completely stop. And it would have lasted longer if you hadn’t used up so much energy.

To your weak mind, this was the right decision. Armin would do more change for the scouts, for humanity than you ever could. You had no regrets, you’ve got everything you ever asked for.

You allowed your eyes to rest again, let the energy leave your body. And with the last few seconds your breath was there, you could register one whisper. I love you.

Masterlist | Share thoughts with me ☺

[ohayohimawari]

The Wheel of Fortune

My gift to @azuzeldraws for @the-kakashi-lounge-blog​ Doodles<-->Drabbles exchange! My drabble was inspired by this gorgeous tarot card by ZU:

The Wheel of Fortune

Danzo strolled slowly through a surly section of the Hidden Sand Village. To some, he may have appeared to be at his leisure, but in truth, his slow gait was deliberate and his steps careful. There was so much filth in the streets that if he didn’t pay attention, he’d wind up with sullied sandals, which, in his opinion, didn’t suit a man of his stature.

(Story continues below the cut and will be added to my AO3 works at a later date)

His exposed eye registered a blur of movement several paces ahead of him, and he turned sharply down an alley to avoid the splash of wastewater thrown into the street.

The pavement here was even dirtier, but there were fewer people and projectiles, so he followed it further. 

With a less-distracted mind, his thoughts turned to the day’s planned events occurring in his home village, and why he chose to be far away from them.

Danzo was a man that lived in the shadows, and from those shadows, dictated. Clans rose and fell in prominence according to his decisions. Alliances and rivalries formed by his design. Every day, every strategy brought him closer to the moment that he would step into the light and claim leadership over the people he'd cultivated in secret.

And he despised the rare, few hours spent in uncertainty in his otherwise orchestrated world.

This was one of those hours and Danzo was so irritable that even the sound of his cane tapping against the pavement angered him. So, he stopped walking and looked around him.

At the end of the alley there was a table and two chairs, one of which was already occupied. The deck of tarot cards and handwritten sign atop the table declared that corner belonged to a fortune teller. Danzo moved toward it, curious, studying the sole occupant of the space. As he drew nearer, he saw that it was a woman, near-ancient in age, unnaturally slumped in one of the chairs, and unmoving.

"How long will you pretend to be dead?" Danzo asked the old woman.

"Until after you've left," she replied without raising her head.

He stood rooted to the spot, already annoyed enough to prove himself the most stubborn between them. Then, he sat down in the empty chair across from her and rested his cane against the table between them.

The old woman sighed and straightened in her chair.

“Now that that’s settled, what should I call you?” Danzo counted this as his win.

“I would prefer that you didn’t,” she sighed again. “But if you must, Chiyo.”

“Can you predict the future with these cards, Chiyo?”

“Yes,” she replied, glancing at the deck that rested upon the table.

“Anyone’s future?” He proceeded cautiously.

Chiyo fixed her tired, watery gaze on him. “Yes,” she confirmed.

“What is your fee?” Danzo reached into the sleeve where he kept his money.

“That depends on the number of cards used in the reading.”

“That’s rather unfair of you,” he stopped short of opening his wallet. “You could determine,” he emphasized the word sarcastically, “that you’d need all the cards and rob my fortune instead of telling it.”

“I could,” she considered, her voice lilting in a near chuckle, “but then again, I might need only one,” she finished with no trace of amusement in her voice.

“One,” Danzo contemplated aloud, studying her face. “I can afford one,” he dropped a few coins on the table.

“That remains to be seen,” Chiyo shuffled the cards with her gnarled, arthritic hands.

She fanned them out face down and offered them to him. Danzo took his time choosing before he selected and withdrew a single card. Chiyo turned it over so they could scrutinize it together.

That which he could identify with confidence were the weapons that edged the card on either side. He assessed the sharp kunai bearing explosive tags, or other such talismans of destruction only briefly, before his gaze turned to the rest of the card.

At the top and bottom were what at first appeared to be symbols of some sort or other, though the longer he stared at them, the more they became something else… Something familiar. Something as recognizable as the emblems of two clans of Konoha, but he blinked in time to reassure himself it must be a trick of the dim light in the alley. He moved on to that which he couldn’t resolve with a quick explanation, or ignore.

In the center of the card, a red and black circular design glared up at him. Danzo immediately likened it to a Sharingan, though it was unlike any he’d ever seen.

Or collected.

The Sharingan eyes that he knew were almost entirely blood red, with three small tomoe that orbited the pupil. The three tomoe shown on his card were enlarged, swollen, until the colors were nearly reversed, almost entirely ink black, with slivers of red. Was this a depiction of a Sharingan developed further than what he knew, or was it simply–

“A mitsudomoe,” Danzo identified the symbol in the center of the card without betraying what else it brought to mind.

“Mmm,” she hummed through her cracked lips. “The Wheel of Fortune.”

“Well?” Danzo blurted. “What does it mean?”

Chiyo rested her hands on the table and lifted her gaze from the card between them. “Change.”

“Change,” he repeated, unimpressed.

“Yes. That which is unpredictable; that which hinges upon chance,” Chiyo elaborated. “You haven’t lived as long as I have,” she cackled, “but even you should know to expect the unexpected. Change is the only constant, and very soon, your life will undergo great change.”

Danzo attempted to apply this foretelling to his life in a manner favorable to him, though whatever the result may be, the future already unsettled him.

He searched Chiyo’s face for any unspoken, withheld secrets regarding his future until her lips did twitch and twist into what could be either a smirk or a sneer.

Suddenly, he recalled a detail about fortune telling, an important detail buried deep within the things he never thought he’d need to know. “The card must be read as it appears, correct? This card… is this card right, or reversed?” Danzo asked.

“It looks right from where I’m sitting.” Chiyo was definitely sneering now.

“Another,” Danzo fumbled with his wallet, “I’ll draw another card.”

“Unnecessary,” Chiyo refused.

Danzo’s gaze met hers sharply, but she didn’t waver.

“There is nothing more that I, or the cards, can give you,” she said low and solemnly. “Nothing, no one, can prevent change.” Chiyo sat back in her chair, and her countenance morphed into mirth. “Besides, you might have time to waste, but I don’t!” Her cracked, cackling laughter rang out and echoed throughout the alley.

Furious and fearful, he shot up from the chair, grabbed his cane, and departed as fast as his limp would allow. When it still wasn’t fast enough, he wove his fingers into the jutsu that would take him anywhere but there.

“You can’t outrun it either, Danzo!”

Chiyo’s renewed cackles were the last thing he heard before he disappeared, and as they reverberated in his ears he realized that he offered her money, not his name.

[senju-sekhmet]

Leporina venatio

leporina venatio (latin): rabbit hunt

Summary: You’ve cleaned it. You’ve groomed it. You’ve run your fingers through it - time to get around to wear it. Tobirama’s fur collar has got to be the number one prize - except he’d never actually let you adorn it. You’ll just have to help yourself to it a little bit differently, no? I COULDN’T RESIST... In response to the lovely headcanons @cafeinthemoon! Go check them out!

Warnings: the fact I really suck at comedy? And slightly suggestive tones in the end. SFW, though, don’t worry!

~3.200k words Read on AO3!

He opened his eyes lazily. The sun was already filtering warmly through the window and with a content sigh he reached over to - Empty. Tobirama turned over to find your side of the bed vacant - cold, even. He huffed. Now he couldn’t deny being slightly miffed that you’d rather rise on your own than spend a few precious moments with him, awake, in bed - as you used to, on your off-duty days; but being the man he was, there must be a reason behind all this. Maybe you had prepared breakfast, received an urgent message… a multitude of logical reasons were plausible.

He still was annoyed. Those were your shared off days, after all. Precious and few inbetween. With a shake of his head and sigh he rose to get dressed in his dark casual attire. His scarlet gaze swept the room for any clues regarding your departure. At the very least he expected you to leave some kind of message behind for him to find - if you really did leave without any hint at all? However he came up short. Leaving the bedroom and entering the narrow hall, he found there was no smell of fresh food being cooked either, which ruled out the breakfast option. Tobirama’s heart sank a little. So much for a calm day off, then.

Quietly, as a last resort he tentatively called out - “Y/n?”

No answer. Closing his eyes momentarily he sent out a weak pulse of chakra and tuned into his sensor skills to see if you were anywhere nearby, but none of the signatures belonged to you. Opening his eyes again, he stemmed his palms to his hips and frowned deeply. Had you actually left just like that?

Suddenly, his gaze widened as a more sinister thought occurred to him.

Had something happened to you?

His frown deepened. Should he check the hospital - should he -

Then he noticed it. The door of your shared armoury - really, the small room in which you both kept your weapons, armor and other items for combat and missions was slightly agape. His eyes narrowed to tiny slits. That door was always closed. He stalked over cautiously, nudged the door open - then he saw it. All the puzzle pieces fell into place immediately.

His ultramarine battle gear, polished. Shining.

His white fur collar - missing.

“Why, you…”, he muttered, no, snarled. For a moment the world was red and hot ire burned inside of him - then he gazed through the window, huffing.

He whipped around on his heels and stalked out of the house. Already, he channeled his chakra to let his sensor skills fan out in search of you.

You wanted to hide from him, an extremely skilled sensor?

Game on.

_________

Your neck and shoulders were comfortably warm. It was spring, so the temperatures were rising indeed, but not quite there yet - though it did make you wonder how Tobirama handled this in summer. Occasionally you’d tilt your head to the side to nuzzle into the warmth of the white fur that adorned your shoulders, inhaling the scent of your husband.

With a snicker, you thought about how he’d wake up to you - and his precious floof - missing.

Honestly, this was a godly prank, or so you’d like to think. Waltzing through Konoha, wearing what obvious was Tobirama’s trademark piece of attire was bound to turn a few select heads - and it did. You even happened to meet Madara - who had regarded you with a fine smirk. He understood immediately, of course - the fact Tobirama wouldn’t part willingly with this and was somewhere else, royally pissed off.

“Does he know yet?”, the Uchiha clan leader mused darkly, a glint to his obsidian eyes.

You blinked innocently, putting a slender finger to pursed lips. “Do you hear him yelling and ripping it off me?”

He merely gave a low laugh and waved goodbye, going on his merry way.

As you did yourself. You weren’t stupid, of course. Stealing Tobirama’s fur collar was one thing. Hiding with it for a prolonged amount of time was another - by now he’d be awake, have figured everything out and probably even be using shadow clones to look for you.

His sensor skills were an extremely unfair advantage in this game.

Which was another reason you kept to the broad public - the more chakra signatures were around you, the more difficult it’d be for him to discern yours. Really, it’d just buy you a little bit more time - and dignity. Tobirama wouldn’t make a scene to recover his most prized possession in front of the entire village.

You hoped, at least.

It was just in front of a flower shop when you spotted him - his silvery hair would always stand out, just like the three red facial markings he used paint on. He was down the road, way off; however his stare might as well have been a kunai flying in your direction for how enraged it was.

You gave a cheeky grin, waved at him and entered the shop without looking back to see his face become contorted by a furious scowl.

Inside the shop were a handful of customers and the keeper of course, who you approached politely. “Hello, might I take a look around? I’m looking for a little surprise for my husband and your display had me enraptured, really.” Your tone was honey-sweet, you almost felt guilty knowing what would follow in here.

The man blinked, blushing a little. “O-oh, sure, go ahead,” waving you towards his sortiment with a bright smile.

You made a mental note to buy some flowers from this poor fellow later.

____

Tobirama couldn’t believe his own eyes.

Not only had he located you amidst the bustling streets - it was a quite busy morning - but every single aspect of the situation fuelled his fury more. Obviously - obviously - you had been mingling in an effort to make tracking you down with his sensor skills more difficult (How pathetic - he’d know your chakra’s signature between a thousand, always), but you actually also had the gall to stare him in the eye once he found you, grin at him and, by all that is holy, waltz away.

With his fur collar on.

He wasn’t a conceited man nor did he care for appearances, but frankly a part of him quite liked the idea of you wearing it (for a short time, anyway) - your scent on it, the idea of it being warm by your body’s warmth -

But this was his fur collar! And he hadn’t given you permission to saunter around with it in public like some - some - look-alike? Furiously he stalked over to the shop you had just entered, paying no attention to what was being sold there exactly. People made way for him simply for how he walked - likely his expression helped with that bit too - but he didn’t care. This game was over, now.

Inside, his scarlet gaze locks with yours immediately and his eyes narrow to tiny slits. “Y/n,” he sternly calls as though his voice was a weapon - a threat he’d make good on.

The shop’s owner turned his head, mouth slightly agape when recognition settled into his expression.

You weren’t fazed the slightest, of course. That grin of yours was as cheeky as ever and had he been slightly more prepared - had this not been about his fur collar - maybe, maybe he’d have found it funny. A little bit.

But as it was, he didn't. Not the slightest. Nope.

“Tobirama!”, you waved, “There you are. I’ve been looking everywhere for you before, dear, I’m glad you found me now.”

He was sure at this point his face became as red as three red streaks of paint that adorned it. The shop owner ducked behind his counter a little. “It wasn’t all that difficult, Y/n, with that outfit you’re brandishing right now, you know.” The tone of his voice was subzero, but quiet. He took a few measured steps towards you.

Your smile didn’t falter the slightest. “It’s lovely, isn’t it?” You tilted your head slightly to rub your cheek over the fluffy white fur, closing your eyes to inhale the scent again.

Tobirama took a sharp breath and his eyes widened slightly as that motion alone did something else to him. His fists balled though. “Shall we, then? We got a lot more to do today.” He extended his hand for you to take, taking another measured step towards you. If you weren’t going to take his hand, he’d simply take your arm or make body contact somehow else to use his hiraishin seal and end this prank.

Unfortunately - of course - you were too smart for that. Your loving ministrations to the floof ceased immediately as an attentive eye caught his hand nearing you; your lips formed a wicked smile. “Sure - go ahead, Tobi. I’ll be right along, I promised Mito to stop by and - oh, I needed to buy something else, too.”

Tobirama nostrils flared and his gaze narrowed to tiny slits. Momentarily his jaws clenched so hard it hurt, but he raised his chin as he identified this for what this was. Defiance. And the proverbial gauntlet being thrown down again. “Then let’s go together, shall we?” He raised his hand to casually lay it on your shoulder as he stood by your side - as wife and husband would -

But you pranced to the side nimbly and towards the door before he could do so much as lay a finger on you or get within arm’s reach. “Wonderful! This will be fun. I’ll be back later, mister, your flowers are delightful!”, waving the shop owner goodbye, you already were out of the shop.

Tobirama’s hand dropped to his side, his hands balled into fists again. Darkly he stared after you. So this is how we’re going to do this. Not sparing the shop owner a second glance he was out before you could slip out of his sight again.

________

With no small amount of satisfaction you were sauntering down the main street of Konoha again, ignoring the ominous presence that was following you. The look on Tobirama’s face had been priceless. Unfortunately you had a problem now: he literally only needed to graze your skin now to whisk you away to your shared home.

Then the un-fun part of this prank would begin. You’d have to find a way to pacify him before that because right now, you knew he was royally pissed only.

Still. It was fun to watch, once in a while. And you really loved this lovely floof.

His low timbre reached your ears again, nearer than you expected. Already, you sped up your playful gait, throwing a glance over your shoulder. “Enjoying yourself?” He inquired darkly.

If looks could kill, you might drop dead now. There were honest shadows cast over his face from how enraged he was. But - and this was most important - he was far enough away still. You smiled cheekily again. “Quite a lot.”

His voice became chilly again. “You realise this is no match for my hiraishin?”

You giggled. “Yeah, I’d be in real trouble if you ever used it.” To accentuate your statement, you picked up your pace a little bit more. By now you were quite close to running.

Tobirama gave a low growl in response and answered by picking up his speed, too. The way the two of you walked must look comical by now. Not like you cared - and Tobirama seemed fixated on his goal now.

Truth be told, you needed a plan. Another shop would just strain his patience more - and that trick was old. Reaching a familiar destination - like Hashirama’s house - was dangerous. Tobirama might unleash his fury there or simply grab you and really haul you away. Briefly you considered seeking out Madara - but the fun would stop right there, or the probability of an actual incident was too high.

That left you with one option.

Within the blink of an eye, you bolted into a sidealley.

_______

Tobirama skidded to a halt for just a moment as you ran - right down into the narrow alley to your right. Snarling, he began the pursuit - gloves off now. If you actually thought you could outpace the fastest shinobi alive, you had another thing coming.

Though you weren’t exactly holding back either - nor were you a sluggish person. Your footwork had always been nimble and in the small streets it was possible to zigzag past narrow corners, under clothes lines and down even more narrow alleys that barely deserved the name.

He had to be careful. This was not some panicked move, this had been a calculated decision of yours. Quite possibly you had more planned. His best option remained to stay as close as he could - no, get close enough to touch you and teleport home.

His increasing fury didn’t help maintain focus, though. All he did see was his white fur collar trail in front of him and away, alongside the endlessly amused laughter of his wife.

Were he not so frustrated, he might find the challenge entertaining. Enjoyable. Perhaps he did, right now.

Nonsense, this was ridiculous! He had better things to do than running after you like some schoolboy!

Just as you turned around yet another corner he lunged forward for you to narrowly miss his grabbing hand - so narrow he could still feel the air draft of your movement as you had to dance to the side in order to avoid capture.

“Ahaha!”, you giggled, “It seems you got to be faster, dear husband!” - and with a literal twirl you were on your merry way again.

That did it.

_______

After your very narrow escape, you had turned yet another corner - quite frankly you were surprised Tobirama hadn’t shouted anything back. There are no people in these alleys; and by now you expected him to be frothing by the mouth or something. Instead he actually lost a few meters on you - hah.

Then you frowned.

That was quaint, actually. Had he stopped for some reason? You spurred yourself to greater speeds but nonetheless you couldn’t deny the tiny shiver down your spine. Your husband was an extremely intelligent man and the fact he had hatched some plan that had required him to stand still even for just a second - that didn’t sit well with you.

You had to change your tactic, again.

But quite frankly you were running out of options at this point. A disguise was out of question due to his sensor capabilities - back on the main road, maybe?

You took another quick turn-

Only to be slammed into the ground by a tall, silver-haired man. With a yelp, you rolled forward to ease the incoming fall as you lost all balance due to your speed, but your assailant was quick as well - before you could gain your footing again, he used the weight of his body to tackle you. You managed to roll on your back to identify the attacker as - who else could it be - Tobirama.

“How?!”, you breathed, incredulously, but already, you raised your legs to kick out viciously to shake him off; though he was faster.

With a low huff he seized your wrists simply and dragged you up with him - damn it all. This was as good as over now. After a short scuffle he had wrestled your arms behind your back and turned you around to face down the alley, where the answer was coming from.

Another Tobirama was striding down towards you. He clapped his hands, once twice, lazily. The smirk in his voice was unmistakable. “Well done. Shall we go home, dear?”

You struggled still against the shadow clone that held your arms wrenched behind your back, scrunching your nose and huffing. “That was low, Tobi. I thought we were having a fair chase here,” you moped.

He finally stood in before you, arms crossed in front of his chest. His eyebrows rose lazily. “I was chasing you. Apologies for not reading the rules, you didn’t leave any behind.” He sounded entirely unimpressed now, but there was a certain glint in his scarlet gaze as he stared his quarry - you - down. You were unsure if it was fury or plain annoyance.

Your lips formed a pout. “At least make your clone disappear now. You won.”

He didn’t move an inch. In fact, his clone reinforced his grip, earning him indignant “Hey!” from you. Tobirama only blinked, gaze never leaving you. “Do you think I’m stupid? You’re going to bolt the moment I release you.”

You click your tongue in feigned hurt. “Ouch? Please, have some faith, husband. I lost a fair chase, I’m a good sport.”

“You just called it unfair, my dear.” He cocked an eyebrow, unimpressed.

You just stared at him for another moment after he had called your rather obvious bluff. Finally, you bit your lower lip and attempted a little bit of a smirk again. “Come on, Tobi. You did enjoy yourself a little.” He still didn’t move an inch. His intense gaze simply kept mustering you, only narrowing ever so slightly. “We’re going home now.”

Instantly reality twisted and a familiar lurch later you were in your bedroom, Tobirama right in front of you. The clone was gone - he must’ve released it the moment it had teleported you. In a swift motion he backed you up closer to the nearest wall, closer and closer - until you felt your back make contact with the wall. Defiantly, you crossed your arms in front of your chest.

“Well, go ahead then. Take the floof back.” At the very least, you were surprised he hadn’t been shouting or something. Remembering his face when he initially had spotted you, you’d been rather sure you were in for something.

Right now? Right now the scarlet gaze of his was near liquid, ablaze but narrow nonetheless. His jaw was working and slowly, he put a hand to the wall next to your head. “Hm,” he gave a low hum that rolled right off his tongue.

You raised an eyebrow. Was he going to prank you now? “If you’re waiting for me to give it back, no can do. I’m rather attached to this. Literally.” You smirked again, confidently, turning your head slightly to nuzzle the soft fur again for a moment.

From the corner of your eye you saw his throat move as he swallowed heavily, his eyes widening slightly. He was staring you down like a hawk now. Silence stretched for a few moments before - “Maybe I quite enjoy the sights right now, actually.” His baritone voice had taken on a sultry tone now and his free hand moved up to first ruffle through his fur, then trail up your neck and cup your cheek tenderly.

Your eyebrows climbed up. So that was what that look had been about. You leaned into his touch a little and couldn’t help but smile gently, looking up at him. Right then you wanted to lose yourself in that intense gaze of his. “Then ... I’ll wear it a bit longer?” you murmured headily, quietly.

He took another small step closer until his body almost touched yours, his fresh breath hitting your face as he seemed to ponder the notion for a moment. The hand next to your face slipped down to linger between the soft fur and your neck alike, his thumb stroking your skin gently. For a moment all he did was caressing you, pinning you with gaze; no marvelling you.

“A tiny bit…”, he finally murmured, then a fine smirk formed - and his voice turned stern. “But you’re not going to leave this house. With my collar on. Ever again.”

You rolled your eyes.

This was still Tobirama, after all.

[halothenthehorns]

All in the Family

Chapter 196: The Prince's Tale

The meadow was a little clearing she could walk to blindfolded by the time she was nine. Sev had found it, he’d slid down the embankment walking alone one rainy day to her house and stayed under the patch of trees for shelter instead, the noise had been so soothing, the wet smell of grass and sounds of wildlife entrancing. He’d thrown rocks at her window for an hour before she woke up, and they’d come back before the drizzling sky had run its course, sitting on the dark, damp earth as they felt it, watched the world change around them all because of a little water.

It was the first time Lily had believed the weird Snape kid from a few streets over had been telling the truth about magic, as he dazzled her eyes with a torch and the puddles flashed rainbows of color. It was where they did their first ‘potion’ mixing leaves and sticks into the mud and convinced themselves some magical elf would come along to try it and grant them immortality.

It was where she’d first realized she could never have both Sev and Tuney in her life, that day she caught them talking about dementors.

It was in this very spot she knelt now only last summer she’d raged about having to go back to school because Potter would be as big an arse as ever and follow her relentlessly around, she’d be isolated from her best friend in Gryffindor tower, and he’d nodded and agreed with her how unfair it was and they could just keep sneaking around being friends, the two of them.

The place looked small, with the eight of them all sprawled out in the clearing. Sun dappled down on them from a bright afternoon, leaves were tangled up in her hair. It was just a patch of trees with no real magic, a place she’d isolated herself away from the rest of the Muggle kids because Severus had always tried to keep just the two of them here whispering about their school. It was the basis of every lie, he’d only ever wanted to keep her to himself. She’d hated Mulciber and Avery that very first week of school when Sev kept trying to have them all hang out.

Now he was a Death Eater and she casually took James’s hand to get to her feet and gaze sadly around at what she’d be leaving behind when she went back.

“You think he regrets it?” She asked, eyes resting on the golden book propped against the base of a tree. His death had been a meaningless ploy to service his master, just like he’d always wanted apparently.

“I know everybody regrets something,” he was watching his friends with a forlorn smile before looking back at her. “Take all the time you need Lily.”

“How’s your leg?” Remus offered his boyfriend a hand while at least trying to suppress his anxious expression, covertly inspecting said appendage to make sure no new gushing blood would spontaneously come pouring out from the grass stains.

“Perfectly normal, don’t fuss,” Sirius scoffed as he took it and stood without a single wobble.

“You might have died you ass, I’ve a right to fuss for at least the next twenty-four hours,” Remus scoffed right back.

“Considering we can’t actually measure time, I refuse to allow that, you could be fussing for the next twenty years or twenty minutes,” Sirius snarked as he squeezed his hand.

“We could always measure it in the span of how long it takes to get to your next death defying stunt,” Remus rolled his eyes and leaned in closer.

“Oh, that’s right clever,” Sirius snorted, the soft gust of wind coming from the wrong direction than just seconds before.

“Do you actually know the meaning of that word?” Remus mock asked. “You could have at least pretended to deny-”

“Like your one to talk Mr. -”

There was a soft throat clearing, and both looked over to see Peter with no clue how long he’d been standing there.

Remus blushed and leaned back, but Sirius gave him a friendly smile and blabbed, “hey, glad you’re not dead by the way. Don’t do a stunt like that again, where was your exit strategy mister?”

Moony facepalmed and muttered about the idiot, but Wormtail smiled and took it in stride. “It went up in smoke.”

Sirius laughed, but Remus was still watching in concern. He had his wand in his less dominant hand, just holding it casually at his side. “You feeling okay?”

His fingers trembled around the wood, but he kept his voice steady. “Just, feels funny, like it should hurt, but there’s no pain for now, thankfully. Um,” he stopped and cleared his throat before extending his hand, palm up, offering his magical connection. “You two can borrow it, at least until we get out of this.”

Remus tried to protest at once, stepping back quickly and slamming into a tree, but Sirius was watching him curiously. Peter shook it temptingly. “I can just change and keep out of the way.”

“You’ve really thought this through?” Sirius confirmed.

“Yes,” Peter challenged back, stiffing his lower lip. “I, unlike unnamed others, am not an impulsive twat. My magic was shoddy at best with my wand arm. I can stay low the best. Take it.”

Sirius was smiling as he reached his hand out, and then curled Peter’s fingers back around the warm wood. “Then you’d best keep practicing mate. I’ve got too much time on my hands practicing wandless magic.” Peter was still blinking like he hadn’t gotten the sun out of his eyes yet. “Watch this,” he cleared his throat and put up an eerily good impression of McGonagall as he yelled, “Mr. Potter!”

James startled in surprise and actually looked around for a moment before he glared back at Sirius.

“That’s just you being an asshole,” Peter rolled his eyes.

“So, you agree, I still need practice,” Sirius was still snickering remorselessly.

Peter was still hesitating and tapping the little ringlets on the end against his hip.

“Honestly mate,” Sirius still insisted in as close to a serious voice as he could get, trying his hardest not to make this come across as a joke even as he kept it light. “Stop trying to get out of doing anything around here, you think I can deal with this shite? Put up with Regulus by myself while you hide out in our pockets?” He hesitated, checked himself, and then corrected himself over the joke. “I trust you know what you’re doing.”

Peter slowly lowered it back to his side like he was expecting Sirius to yell ‘gotch ya,’ any second. When that didn’t happen and he tucked it back into his pocket, he choked out, “thanks,” before clearing his throat, and smirked, “just in case though, I trust you know how to fetch?”

Sirius laughed, the sharp barking noise echoing in the clearing before he flipped him off.

They all fell respectfully quiet when Lily finally pulled together the last of her resolve and picked up the book and went to sit.

It couldn’t really be called a circle, the different points of how they all connected was a mismatched shape in each posture of who was angled towards whom, there was no center piece of where they all connected.

Lily sat next to James as she told of the chapter title and felt the pain in those first couple of paragraphs, all of the Marauders' shock, despair, but quiet acceptance of their last fallen friend and what had been left behind.

Another orphan in Teddy Lupin, another story that deserved to be told for his lost parents' sacrifice, his godfather who now had a choice to make as he clutched his enemies memories and ran to Dumbledore's office alone.

Her foot brushed against Regulus as he took in her every word, riveted by the childhood so similar to his own for the sister Lily had loved and the friend who had taken away and changed her future that day in the park. He watched his older brother squeeze his boyfriend's hand and hold his tongue like he’d never in his life managed before as he stopped himself demeaning her past.

She angled herself towards Frank and Alice as their school life unfolded, how alone she’d always felt, how everything in the cosmos seemed to have set them both up for failure as she went off to be isolated in a house with such a popular prat that she’d wrongfully taken out on everything lion and scarlet, and he embraced the snakes and greener future of power in the dark arts on all sides of himself. What could have been so different if the smallest thing had changed and they’d been in one of the other two houses, or even the same…or if it all would have remained exactly the same as the outcome.

Severus Snape calling her that hateful word in anger, hatred, resentment, and more than anything she feared if she gave him another chance he’d always deep down think her a mudblood. They had all changed though, every one of them, in some small way or another. Would he, could he?

His apology felt as disingenuous on paper as if she could see it in her mind's eye, just because he was sorry the word had slipped out forgave nothing, he’d have to make an effort if they were to remain friends to be away from those Death Eater’s. Would he believe her now, when he’d never before, if she warned him they would corrode him into this spiteful future? It had to be his choice.

The rest of the memories were news to her and came in rapid succession, she felt the distance growing in more than just time could ever explain, they became two separate people over the span of the war as he did unspeakable things under Lord Voldemort’s orders for years before selling out some unknown family, only regret for her being involved instigated his guilt.

Guilt. He wanted to atone for his actions by both asking his master and Dumbledore to protect her. Fix his mistake, but never correct his actions by finally choosing a side. If he’d only come to her himself…

His remorse for her death was genuine, she believed that, but in the way she grieved for her lost friend already. They missed the person the other used to be, she’d long since fallen in love with James and had her son by this point and still Severus kept lying, kept burying his feelings away and letting them fester. The following time in school with Harry had only made him grow more bitter by the day and she still loathed this man that wayward child had become, no matter his secret motive, it was not good enough for traumatizing her own child because of who his father was.

She hoped he could still change, still make the right choice and be her best friend once more like he hadn’t been in so long, even she didn’t know when it had stopped and they’d just been fooling themselves. The following memories that continued in a fast-flash gave her just the smallest smidge of hope, in his secret ways of helping Dumbledore save Draco’s soul from murder, the revelation of what had been buried in Harry’s mind and soul all along, and his double-crossing ways of assisting the Order but allowing such horrible crimes to continue in school never made his motive feel clear even with Harry’s understanding of it all at last.

Her son thought his path forward was clear thanks to an old man who had always been told how clever he was and made a sacrifice of one for the many, and a mucilaginous half-blood who had never given up on anything. Not a failed friendship, not his conniving and lies to get what he wanted, and not a bitter old grudge.

What then, should she choose?

[darkacademicfrom2021]

Away. So, so far away.

<<Previous part Masterlist

Alternative ending with Bucky>>

Alternative ending with Loki>>

Word count: 2,2K

Warnings: angst, incarceration, jealousy, alcohol, minor cursing.

5

Loki felt alone. In solitude, he thought of you more often than he would've liked to recognize. Magic was of no use for him to leave, but he was still able to conjure a few things. He kept going back to that picture you had hung on your apartment, hoping you'd be back and notice the picture was gone. Hoping you'd ask more questions to Thor, enough for him to lose his mind and tell you everything.

That picture took him back to the beach it was taken in. He remembers that moment so well, it's imprinted on his brain, tattooed so it'd never leave him. It was in one of the first missions you two went together.

He was in denial. He didn't want to be your friend, much less get close. You tried, you tried a lot, in different ways. You got him things that reminded you of him from other missions. You teased him, trying to match his sarcasm. You listened to him if he wanted to talk. He had started to care for you but he was still taken aback with all of those… feelings, he was cultivating. Mere seeds you were growing in his dried garden of a heart.

The mountain excursion was not a one-time thing. You did that with almost every mission, periodically searching for moments to steal and roam around the place. In that exact mission, you stole some nights on a nearby beach.

You went alone every night, and came back refreshed. Hair wet, shoes leaving a trail of sand through the hotel room, your blankets always uncomfortably sandy. Loki stayed in his bed, two individuals, reading the whole time. He didn't fall asleep until you were back. It was a dangerous place, and you left at night, after all. It was the least he could do, he thought with a sour taste on his tongue, like admitting he cared made him disgusted.

The second night you came with a handful of colorful and pointy shells, each one different from the other, picked carefully and thoughtfully. Most of them shined, or had golden lines, which very obviously reminded you of your asgardian roommate.

"They're for you", you stated excitedly, leaving them at his nightstand.

He remembers he scoffed and, without taking his eyes off the book, he said something among the lines of "you shouldn't bother being childish with me".

You didn't get mad over it. You were used to him being cold, at that time, where you were alright sharing a room and talking but he wouldn't actually talk. He was reserved, you'd say. You had a liking for quiet people, despite your explosive and loud self.

You kept the shells to yourself and didn't bring them up again. Except, the night that followed, you came back with more shells. Leaving them at his night stand, you didn't say anything and got your things ready to shower. He didn't take his eyes off the book and started saying,

"Again with that? I told you…", but as soon as he watched them, he went silent. You smirked.

"For Your non-childish Highness".

The shells were all black. All picked with especial detail to be the most pure form of black you could possibly find.

He still has those. Somewhere in the apartment he's not allowed to step into.

The last night of that mission, he joined you. You didn't even need to ask him, he just proposed to walk by your side to take some fresh air and stretch before bed. You walked around the beach, and even convinced him to dip his feet on the sea. If you would've been closer at the time, he was sure you'd thrown him fully clothed to the water.

That night he realized he could possibly care a lot more for you than he had initially thought.

He sighed, staring at the picture from his cell. Nobody was around yet. Too early —or too late. He missed you. He thought of leaving a note, and he even wrote it down many times. He is not so sure they got to you. It was part of the punishment and he had to be constantly reminded he couldn't be with you anymore.

He missed you so, so much.

"I'm so, so done with you!!", you yelled to the God of Thunder sitting across the room, just by the long bar of Stark's Tower. "You lying piece of shit, you damned…".

Thor flinched, and then frowned. It wasn't usual for you to lose your temper, much less to him. Bucky and Steve quickly grabbed you by the shoulders and told you to calm down in between whispers.

"Stark, get them a lemonade", hurried Steve.

"No, no. I want to watch this unfold", he laughed and Bucky gave him a dead glare.

"They's too drunk. This is unfair", he said, and Tony sighed.

"They doesn't get drunk".

"Damn fucking well I'm not. Get away from me, I'm trying to talk to this silent asshole over there. Come here, you fucking dipshit", you got rid of their grip and almost jumped to Thor's side.

"Very well, tiny avenger. What would you want…", he began, cheeks red from his own asgardian-sized drink.

"It's been an entire month and a week. Tell me everything you're not telling me", you demanded. He laughed obnoxiously. Loki, watching from the cell through the sphere, boiled in rage.

"Loki… is not worth your time, mortal. You should just get together with sergeant Barnes already", he spat like it was the obvious thing that should happen. Loki decided he'd stab him six—no, seven times as soon as he got to see him, with his sharpest and longest dagger.

"What on Earth do you mean by that?!".

"Calm, calm. The thing is, to save you some more pain, get over him because he's not coming back".

"What have you all done to him? I'll go get him myself".

"Don't be so imprudent. He's not coming back to you, that's for sure".

You insisted. And insisted. And Thor didn't wish his brother to look bad in your eyes, but in his opinion… he looked for it.

Thor was still extremely upset at Loki for going to Jötunheim looking for a throne he very obviously did not deserve, and then had the guts to call himself a rational man. Thor had been reprimanded by Loki himself as a careless oaf for waging war between realms a few years ago, but Loki had just done that —except he was even thirstier for power, and had more to lose.

To Thor, Loki looked for it, and you shouldn't suffer because of it.

So, he decided to lie. To save you some pain, and probably out of pity too.

"My brother took the chance and went for Jötunheim's throne", he said, and you scoffed.

"I knew that. I don't know why he isn't…", you began, and stopped as Thor raised his eyebrows. "I knew he did it after, okay? It's not like I could actually stop him. Now tell me what's next. Why hasn't he come home?".

"He… he got the same answer, that he needed the possibility of leaving an heir, so he…".

Loki watched with extreme attention. Thor wasn't going to actually say something like that, right? He knew his brother was upset, but… he wouldn't, right?

"So he what, Thor?".

"He just married a Jötun woman. She's with child. He has no intentions of coming back ever again".

Loki laughed, incredulous. You wouldn't believe that, would you? His heart was beating so fast he felt it burst open.

"He what? No, no. He didn't, you're lying".

"He did. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner".

"No… it's not true. It's not. He loves me, and I love him".

"He loves the throne even more".

You had to sit on the floor. Bucky ran to your side and you broke down in his arms. You cried so loud, Loki's chest felt like blowing up for sure this time.

He summoned an energy blast that broke every single furniture on his cell, accompanied with a scream that he was sure you would've heard from there if his cell wasn't silenced with blocking spells. He couldn't keep his anger for himself anymore.

He forgave Thor for many things. But now… He will never, ever in the almost four millennials they have left to live, forgive Thor for that.

On the roof of the compound, the sunsets were better, you always said.

You laid your back against the tiles and watched the sun with puffy eyes from last night. Loki was watching you with the half-broken sphere, and, lost in thought —much like you— didn't seem to notice James getting on the roof too. He rubbed your back comfortingly and you greeted him with a sad smile.

"Hey", he said. He spoke like you'd break down again. "How are you feeling?".

"I'm sorry about yesterday", you hurried. "I was very drunk. I don't have filters and get all intense and emotional when I drink too much".

"Don't apologize, you were right to feel that way. Loki's an asshole".

Both you and Loki flinched at that. Loki, because the damn soldier was right. To your eyes, Loki was now an asshole.

"I don't feel like I should believe Thor", you mumbled. "But Thor has never lied to me".

"It sounds crazy, I know… you were such a couple. I don't think I've ever seen that guy smile if it wasn't with you", he said, and placed a hand over yours. You let him. Loki sighed.

"I just… I can't imagine him being like that. I know he's done bad things in the past. I know his whole history with betrayal. But he's different now. I want to believe he's changed".

"Because of you?", Bucky raised his eyebrows, and you chuckled in embarrassment, nodding and putting your lips in a tight line. "Don't get me wrong, you're great. You're… wonderful. But…".

"But nothing is the direct cause of someone changing. I know. I didn't mean to sound so egocentric".

"I know. But I meant it when I said you're wonderful. That's what I've been saying all this time. You don't deserve to be stepped on like this".

Loki could feel his heartbeat race. He knew what followed now. You'd soon forget him and fall in love with the sexy supersoldier that held your hand and complimented you and treated you like the world you were, because Loki wasn't there and Loki hurt you enough to be vulnerable to everyone's eyes.

Loki was sure you hated him now.

"It's just that… I love him so much, I feel my heart shrink a little each day".

Bucky sighed, and hugged you with only one arm —the warm one. You put your head on his shoulder. He kissed your forehead.

"You'll be fine, sweetheart. I promise".

Loki stopped keeping count of how long he's been locked up. Between the time differences in Asgard and Midgard, and the fact that he had no other way to tell than to scratching a fucking wall every day, he's not so sure how long it's been.

He doesn't have the sphere anymore. He hasn't had it for a long time, now. It felt long. He isn't sure how long. His mother found it missing and went to him. His mother wasn't upset. She knew why he took it. Why he needed it.

Loki isn't sure if it's been a few months, a year or if you're already buried deep inside a grave. He shudders and flinches at the thought. But it would've happened with or without him. After all, you're a mortal. Or were.

"Loki, my son", called Frigga. He was still laying on the bed, staring at the roof. She was carrying a handful of books.

He looked up and scanned her. She was dressed up.

"The Ball", he stated, and his heart weighed even more. The Ball happened, for Earth's chronology, every ten years. He now knows, he's been locked up for five. "I assume you're planning on keeping me here for at least another… three days", he said, looking at the books.

"Loki", she warned. How could he sass her even in his current position? She thought.

"That's all you've been saying. You come here, and look at me disappointedly, and call my name with its various pet names. I beg you to stop pretending you don't know what to say. If you're biting your tongue, free it, or bite it enough to draw blood".

"It's already bleeding, Loki", she frowned, tossing his books through the walls of the cell. "I have many things I'd like to say to you. I don't think it's wise anymore".

"When am I getting out?".

"You're not getting out any time soon, son".

"I know that. I'm asking when exactly. A decade? A hundred? A millenia?", she sighed, and Loki raised his voice, "TELL ME!!".

Loki hadn't had enough time. If he were to ever see you again, he had to get out right now. And even then he was sure you'd never receive him back again.

"Now, watch your tone, boy".

Loki growled animalistically, and tossed himself back to bed.

"Leave".

His mother left. She came back a few weeks later, only to find an empty cell.

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[laurore-stormwitch]

Here is my written-during-an-emotional-crisis “short” take on how is Nikolai going to propose to Zoya. They like to play tough but I imagine them both being really soft with each other, so I always believed it would be a moment somehow like this. And yes I do love to project my emotional issues on zoyalai thank you both very much to them.

word count: 1969 

tw: mild reference to blood/violence

our first lifetime

Nikolai tossed a rock in the lake, watching the water curl and smooth in circles. He was sitting with his back leaned on an old oak, his knees up and his head thrown lazily on the side towards the sunlight, glancing at Zoya every now and then. They didn’t get to have many moments like this anymore. Since the war ended three months ago, their life had been a whirlwind of changes, sleepless nights, meetings and parades throughout the country. Nikolai cherished these rare times they got to spend on their own, the simple pleasure of knowing they had each other after it was almost taken away from them. Considering his life spent searching for adventures and thrill, he thought he was beginning to understand the appeal of ordinary things now. Even though he would not call the gift of having Zoya by his side, spread on the grass with the wind in her hair, ordinary. Three months and he still didn’t get used to this one bit. He turned to her, taking in the sight of her relaxed, eyelids closed, the morning rays warming her skin and his heart. They’d been here an hour or so, the same thought turning inside Nikolai’s head over and over again, not for the first time in these months. He laced his fingers with her hand, stirring her out of her quiet. There was a certain nervousness curling in his chest as he wondered why he hadn’t spoken yet. He told himself it was because he was trying to set up a grand gesture, something to deserve her, but that was not it. He was just scared. Scared of letting this slip again, of being so close to have everything he had ever wanted. Even the idea of staying away from Zoya sent a searing ache through his body. A sudden urge burned his throat in response, as if the words were fighting to get out on their own will. Just tell her. Gather some boldness and tell her. He couldn’t wait anymore. He needed to know that they could have this for a long time, if there was a kind of peace awaiting for them. And maybe the perfect moment was this coddled secret quiet they shared, the way they felt safe with each other.

“Zoya?”

“Mh?” She murmured. Nikolai let the words roll out before thinking twice about it.

“I want to ask you something.”

Zoya opened her eyes to look at him, with that serene and soft look reserved only to their intimacy; she prompted herself up, turning to face him and leaning on his legs to focus her attention on him, their hands still bound together. As she lowered her head on his knee, the scar on her chest peaked through her loose shirt. Nikolai traced it slowly with his fingers, feeling the grip of anxiety stealing the air out of his lungs. Flashes of the battle stormed his mind as it happened so often after the war, throwing it into chaos. He saw Zoya lying on the field, the stench of the fight, the smell of ozone and rain scraping at his nose. His clothes drenched with her blood, the way he wanted to rip his skin off his hands to make the stains go away, bright red streams hiding his darkened fingers. The hollow quiet in her chest when her heart stopped moving, the well of pain ripping his insides apart as he felt her limbs go numb. Her first ragged breath that tore the silence apart, the light slowly coming back in her blue eyes, the impossible relief he felt as he kept calling for her with a cracked and desperate voice he didn’t recognize as his own. The possibility of losing her, wrenching, shattering everything in its wake, worse than death itself.

“Nikolai - ”

He grasped his name coming out of her lips, blinking until Zoya came into focus again.

“Nikolai, I’m here.”

Nikolai sighed, moving the hold he had on her hand to her wrist, brushing his thumb on her pulse point and letting the rhythmic pounding of her heart take him back to reality. It had become a habit, this small gesture. Whenever the world felt overwhelming, whenever the dread and the grief blossomed at the memory of what had happened, he needed to feel this sound to know that she was real at his side. It was the only act capable to calm him down, to drift him to sleep at night. He felt he was being unfair, sometimes: Zoya was the one who died in his arms, and he was the one still having nightmares about it. But the terror he knew in that moment had been unlike everything he had ever had to live through. She’s alive, he would say to himself, matching the words with every beat. Staying awake for hours gripping at her wrist, carefully watching her breathing. Still gripping it while she whispered in his ear and ran her hand through his hair, while they sealed their wounds one stitch at a time and kissed their scars. We’re fine. We’re together, Zoya would tell him, over and over, a lullaby. Waiting their tremors away like she did once in the confines of a carriage. You haven’t lost her. She came back. When he felt his breathing steadied, he tentatively curled his lips in a reassuring smile, Zoya patiently waiting for him. She waved the smile back, encouraging him to speak with a nod of her head. She’s alive. We’re fine. Ask her.

“You said you have something to ask.”

It occurred to him he could’ve probably planned this better, at least rehearsed a speech maybe. Yet, Zoya was the only truly not calculated and unpredicted event in his life, someone who came in and swept everything else away. It felt fitting to grasp at this spontaneous impulse, and he didn’t regret the impromptu decision. Nikolai didn’t want this to be a political matter. It was about what they had always been; the two of them holding each other together as they had done for the past three years, be it on an evening spent sorting through letters or in a peaceful morning on the shore of a lake.

“You’re going to have quite the number of lifetimes, right?”

Zoya furrowed her brow with an amused look, easing herself on him the way she was before when she noted he was back to being the calm and nonsensical Nikolai she had fell for.

“A bunch, probably.”

She conceded. He nodded and inhaled deeply, tucking a wild strand of hair behind her ears, grazing her gorgeous face with his knuckles. Why was he so tense about this? It felt like jumping off into the unknown and coming back home at the same time.

“Would you like to spend your first one with me?”

Zoya stilled, not moving a single muscle as she looked at him like she was pondering how exactly insane he was being. Despite her incredible ability to stand frozen through a tide of emotions, his thumb felt her heart racing up. When his seriousness sank in, her eyes shone and she pursed her lips, barely containing a grin, feigning indifference. He heard her breath itch.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m kind of asking you to marry me, Zoya.” He huffed with a teasing expression, showing a confidence he didn’t really feel. This time she smiled, knocking him off his feet.

“Oh, yes, I figured. But I don’t see a ring.”

Zoya chuckled, getting him dizzy on that crystal-clear sound. Her cheek was still laying on his knee, her gaze studying him attentively. Nikolai tilted her chin delicately, locking their eyes together, leaning forward.

“I have no ring for now, I’m sorry. I know this is sudden, and it’s soon. I don’t want us to do this because we feel pressured too, or because it makes sense. I just – I want this. You. I want you. More than everything. I’ve never thought it was possible to have a love like this, and now that I do, I’m not letting you go. I want you by my side, for the rest of my pointless human life. If you’ll have me, and I do hope you will.”

The spark in her eyes flickered, a slight tremor of her lips betraying the turmoil stirring in her chest. She closed the inch that separated them to drew him in for a kiss, resting her forehead on his. Nikolai smirked against her mouth, taking her actions as a good omen, an unbelievable solace flooding his chest. A whisper came out of her when they broke apart.

“Took you long enough to ask.”

“Were you getting impatient?”

“You’re know to throw away proposals like handkerchiefs. I was beginning to feel left out.”

Nikolai felt a weight lifting off his chest as he chuckled too at her accurate remark. He could sense there was some truth hidden in Zoya’s words; it was still hard for her to believe that they conquered this, in the end. That there was someone who wanted to be her home. He brushed their lips together again, the touch soft as a feather.

“I promise you this is the only wedding I will actually go through with.”

“I’d make a stunning bride. Hard to walk away from.”

“Most definitely. Is that a yes?”

He registered the shadow sweeping behind her eyes. It was a challenging choice; he knew he was not just asking her to marry him, that it would not be as easy as it felt in this moment. He was asking her to wed a king, to take a country, to face politics and prejudice, to give herself to an otkazat’sya she would have to say goodbye to, someday. As many as the obstacles were, though, he could also see how this future was a promise of light. That every burden withered on the face of the life they could share, and he could only hope Zoya saw that too. Sure enough, she pushed through her doubts, her fortifications crumbling into dust; she cupped his cheek, releasing a long breath and throwing out her answer with an ever so slight shiver in her voice.

“I think I’d like to see you making my first lifetime insufferable.”

“You’re not going to give me the satisfaction of hearing yes, my dear Nikolai, of course I’ll marry your awesome self, right?”

“That was as close as a yes you’re going to get have until you get me a ring, my dear Nikolai.”

They both laughed wholeheartedly, flustered and jittery as two kids with a happiness too great to fathom on their shoulders. Nikolai pulled her on his chest, letting her settle herself in the crook of his neck. He buried his nose on her hair, circling his arms around her, beaming with joy and relief.

“I’ll do it better next time, I assure you. I’ll get you the most precious ring you can imagine, I’ll get down on my knees and everything.”

“You might just like proposals better than weddings. Don’t do the knee thing please, a ring is more than enough.”

She teased, breathing deeply in his scent, her heartbeat slowing down. They stayed silent for a while, tightened in their embrace. Nikolai held her like she was the lighthouse that guided him safely in his troubled ocean, hoping to keep her in his arms so that she wouldn’t notice his watery eyes. He had never felt so lucky in the entirety of his stupid life.

“I’m really glad you said yes, Zoya.”

“I’m really glad you asked. And Nikolai, it was perfect like this.”

Zoya sighed, planting a delicate kiss on his palm.

She’s alive. You haven’t lost her. You’re going to get to hold her forever.

[elencelebrindal]

If I'm not mistaken you've now read/watched the three mxtx works and WoH. How would you rank them following personal preference? Which main couple did you like the most? Favorite plot twists in all four?

Yep, I did. I still have to read Faraway Wanderers though. Can't wait to.

This came out to be quite a long post, so I'll put it under the read more thingy.

Now, how would I rank them?

I'll have Tian Guan Ci Fu at the top, no doubts. It's my absolute favorite among all these four, and will probably remain my favorite even after I finally get to read the huge thing that's 2ha. It's the perfect balance of a story with no characters left unexplained (except for the minor ones and RIP Hua Cheng's backstory, why did mxtx rob us so much), of characters being unique all in different ways, and of a romance that, while being absolutely the main focus of the novel, is not overwhelming. For me, an aro/ace person, the romance written in TGCF is so good that it made even me stupidly happy. I don't get such big smiles on my face while reading my own romantic content.

This is the ONLY novel I've ever read that doesn't have a single character I hate in it. Only one, maybe two at most, that I dislike. That's it. Everyone's good. Everyone.

Then I'll definitely have Word of Honor. Just like TGCF, it's a really good balance between an interesting story (I was literally squirming in my seat while impatiently waiting for things to be revealed, enjoying every second of it) and a subtle romance that was still obvious enough to make me wonder what the hell happened with censorship in this drama. Not that I'm complaining though.

Almost all the characters are incredibly good. They have depth to them, all the main ones have either a satisfying backstory or a beautifully crafted development.

And this is it for the ranking. I wrote way more than I should have, but oh well.

After that, it's a tie between Mo Dao Zu Shi and Scum Villain. I don't want to favor one over the other, because I genuinely like them the same. Scum Villain is really underrated, and while I understand it somewhat, it's really unfair.

MDZS (and The Untamed) has a story that draws you to it, especially if you (like me) have an obsession with all things dark and spooky and terrifying like the demonic cultivation in this, like the whole mystery they have to solve with body parts leading them to the solution. The drama, as good as it was, really didn't do justice to the spook factor of using dismembered parts of a corpse to move around.

SVSSS is straight up weird, literally an isekai but make it Chinese. I think the best part of it is Shen Yuan panicking and cussing everyone out every time something happens around him, though... I really loved the story and the way it played out. I especially liked how the novel kept mentioning Proud Immortal Demon Way and compared the events of that book to the events that were happening in that book's world.

But why do I prefer Word of Honor to them? Well, it's simple. There's some aspects of the romance that don't resonate well with me.

WangXian is a beautiful couple, and they deserve all the happiness in the world (they have a canonic son!!!!!!!!), but Wei WuXian's initial obliviousness made me really uncomfortable at times. Not because he didn't know Lan WangJi was in love with him (the fool! thank goodness for Guanyin Temple), but because he kept teasing Lan WangJi about it while the latter was drunk. I mean, I get it. If you don't know, you don't realize what you're doing. But as a person that easily suffers from people making fun of me behind my back... it kinds struck a nerve. I still love them to pieces, though, they're so good together.

BingQiu, well... this is a rollercoaster of a couple. Again, I absolutely love them together, but some parts come off almost as scenes where consent is thrown to the wind. As a reader you know Shen QingQiu is willing and in love (gods, they married each other, I'd be a fool to say the opposite), but there should be a limit to how many times a willing person should say "No" in such a novel. This is mostly me being my aro/ace self, though. I don't really understand what goes on in the world of intimacy between people because I (literally) don't give a fuck, so I'm probably reading too much where there's too little. Don't take this as me not liking BingQiu, I'm in love with them and I desperately need more content.

Favorite plot twists, eh? Okay, big SPOILER ALERT from here onwards. And I mean it. BIG. SPOILER. ALERT.

Now, which main couple did I like the most?

Hualian. I don't even need to think about it. Bonus point because they're both out of their minds and the extras show it.

I said it before, and I'll say it again. I never have smiles so big and goofy in front of anything else, not even my own stuff. Hualian genuinely makes me happy.

Stop reading if you haven't finished all four of these, please.

...

Okay, here I go.

WoH:

Wen KeXing faking his death and telling basically everyone but Zhou ZiShu.

The villain being Zhao Jing; I was actually fooled and thought the main bastard of the series was Gao Chong.

Episode 35, and I'm not saying anything else. Although, as soon as that son of a bitch put his hands on Cao Weining's face like that, I genuinely knew what was going to happen.

The hairpin being the key for the armory. That was so stunning I had to pause the episode for a second and take a walk around the house.

MDZS:

Jin GuangYao being the villain. And being an amazing villain, on top of that.

Nie Huaisang. Fuck's sake, that man fooled the entire fandom just like that. I don't think many people realized he was the one behind everything.

The golden core transplant reveal. I'm sure that more experienced readers and viewers (aka people that had read/watched a ton more cultivation world stuff) had hints of it, but when I watched The Untamed I never read/watched anything remotely close to this genre. It hit me like a brick and I sat in front of the screen in shock.

SVSSS:

Shang QingHua being Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky. It's such a silly thing, but it made me pause for a good five minutes. I wasn't expecting it in the slightest.

The whole thing with the Old Palace Master. The man belongs to the dumpster he never got thrown into.

Tianlang-Jun not actually being the villain. Poor demon, he just wanted to continue with the questionable hobby of reading porn and daydreaming about Shen QingQiu's relationships.

I think I had another one, but it's late and I'm probably forgetting it.

TGCF:

Oh boy, where do I belong? Ah yes, the entirety of book 4. Took me out on the spot.

Jun Wu being Bai WuXiang completely blew me away. That was probably the biggest plot twist in the history of plot twists.

Also, Ling Wen knowing, and her being the creator of the Brocade Immortal.

Fu Yao and Nan Feng being Feng Xin and Mu Qing. For some reason, even if it's kinda obvious when you take a good look at them, it never clicked before being revealed.

On the same note, Ming Yi being He Xuan, and the Earth Master being actually dead. What a ride that arc has been for me.

One of the most important details, however... I got it myself. The ring Hua Cheng gives to Xie Lian. I see so many people saying that they didn't expect the ring to be his ashes, but I did something I generally can't stop myself from doing. I guessed something tremendously important by accident, something I do with many many books so I can ruin the experience for myself. I was literally sitting down, taking a break from reading (I devoured TGCF in 3 days, I needed that break lol), and all of a sudden this goddamn revelation descend upon me like the holy spirit, completely out of the blue. I just sat up, looked at the screen, and went "the ring is is fucking ashes, isn't it?", and completely ruined the surprise for myself.

And this is it.

If there's more I forgot (probably) I don't know. For now, this is my answer. Way too long, as always.