#every positive thing has had some kind of downside that ruined it.

[drivemysoul]

nothing in my life has actually really been okay since march 2021

[hello-yue-here]

Yuetara, zukka, and maiko

yuetara

ship

1) its not one of my main ships. i dont rlly read fanfic for them but if i see a cute fanart of them ill enjoy it and i think i first started shipping it because of good fanarts for them.

2) i like yuetara because of how similar they are. theyre both women from the water tribe. they both understand the misogyny that they have faced. and they both said f sexism im gonna be a strong woman. i also love the tui and la parallel. moon spirit and ocean spirit parallel COME ON. YUE IS THE MOON. KATARA IS THE MOST POWERFUL WATERBENDER. THEY ARE THE OCEAN AND THE MOON. the push and pull they could give eachother. that dynamic ftw.

3) i guess if i didnt like something about this ship would be the fact that if i read a fic or see a fanart w yuetara then than means in that particular au i wont get any yuekka and yuekka is probably my second favorite ship. but then again if i get yuetara than i could get a plethora of other sokka ships to go with it so my sadness disappears in like two seconds. gosh shipping is hard sometimes until you remember ‘hey i have like fifty different universes in my head. all ur ships can coexist in ur brain olivia’ other than that i really see no downsides to this ship. maybe i wish it had more content. maybe if it had more content id ship it a lot more but its not one of the more popular ships so the content is kinda few n far between on my feed.

zukka:

SHIPPP

1) my boys. my babies. my loves. i watched this show for the first time when it came out on netflix and when it ended i really didnt ship anything other than kataang. i came onto tumblr to find fun atla content and one of the very first things i saw under the atla tag was zukka content. i was like oh? whats this? zukka? interesting... i was intrigued so i found a list of fic recs and i fell in love with the ship. the rest is history. its probably my number one ship because it was my very first ship here and im nostalgic

2) oh boy there is so much i like about this ship. i relate to a shit ton of characters in atla. but sokka and zuko may be the ones i relate to most. i relate to sokka because i tend to feel second best a lot to my friends. i try to stay positive but things rarely go the way i plan or hope for them too and while im happy for my friends and their achievements i oftentimes find myself thinking why cant that be me? and i see this a lot in sokka especially in sokkas master. i dont feel special a lot and idk seeing sokka feel the same way and then realizing he is special kinda helped me realize that im special too. on the flipside i relate to zuko because i have wild anger issues and difficulty dealing w my emotions a lot as well. i get broody and short tempered and insecure very often and i tend to push people away and i refuse to ask for help (the amount of teachers and adults and therapists who have told me its okay to ask for help ur not any weaker because of it is astounding. do i listen to them? .....im working on it.) and i saw a shit ton of this in zuko. book one and two zuko rarely asks for help as seen in the blue spirit and zuko alone and he pushes away uncle so many times and even when the gaang iffers to help him in i think its the chase he tells them to leave. when he finally has his redemption and joins the gaang and lets them kinda become a better person i was so happy. i want that for myself yk. seeing him finally win the agni kai and overcome his family that always told him he was nothing was such a win. my sister and i get along but when we were children we were very much like zuko and azula. it was extremely competitive all the time and there was so much toxicity and sibling drama to a concerning extent. we get along great now which im very happy about but yeah their sibling relationship hit a lil too on the nose for me. seeing as i relate to these character so much and want them ti be happy i want to live vicariously through them so seeing them together is amazing for me to project into them. i love projecting onto fictional characters and with them i can project onto BOTH so its a winwin. plus so many zukka fics are so well written and heartwarming and heartbreaking and emotional and fluffy anf UGH the talent here us astounding.

3) what do i not like about the ship? again the list is long. oops. mainly the toxic shippers. there are so many toxic zukka stans that sometimes make it hard for me to enjoy this ship but hey! thats what the block button is for:) i despise how often people infantilize zuko and completely ruin his character for the sake of making him a soft weak lil boy who needs protecting. thats just not zuko for me. and ive seen many many accounts even state that this kind of portrayal of zuko is rooted in racist stereotypes about asian men (now i am white so i personally have never experiences racism but i feel the need to bring that up because it is wrong and attention needs to be brought to it because a lot of poc fans have criticised this) and the same for sokka. some ppl rlly skew his character and make him a big strong brute and hypermasculine and once again poc fans have said that this take is rooted in racist stereotypes. again! these are just my opinions! this is my favorite ship! but i think its important to acknowledge some of the bad parts of our ships as well and be critical where criticism is needed :))

maiko

ship

1) I LOVE MAIKO. “i dont hate you” “i dont hate you too” BRUH. my little heart just burst into flames. im sorry guys but maiko is so cute. they hate everything except eachother. BRUH that is one of the cutest tropes. i shipped them the moment i saw them together onscreen and i was so happy when zukos face lit up in the finale when mai came back.

2) “i hate everything but i have a soft spot for you” TAKE MY MONEY I AM A SUCKER FOR THIS. they are so cute together. like zuko is rarely happy in a majority of atla but mai makes him happy and i- 🥺🥺 HE DESERVES IT. and mai is always so supportive of him. when hes stressing out about the war meeting she tries her best to comfort him. and zuko cares about her too. he may not be the best at showing it but oh my god hes TRYING HIS BEST. i think its a very accurate portrayal of teenage relationships because they arent perfect and they do fight but like,, every teenage relationship does that. and even after everything and how he left her in the fire nation she still had his back at boiling rock. she still risked her life against azula to save his butt.

3) the thing i hate about maiko isnt even about maiko. its about antis who think mai is toxic and that zuko deserves better. that has got to be the worst take ive ever heard. they had a fight in ember island. that is NORMAL. they are teenagers. they are not perfect. but underneath all the rough edges and things they need to work out they still care about eachother so freaking much. i genuinelt believe that neither of them would do anything to intentionally hurt the other and i think thats what matters the most. if anything mai is the best girlfriend in the entire world because zuko fucked up like,, quite a few times. he got rlly jealous and dumped her thru a letter and ppl always say that mai was toxic for being mad at him for those two things. umm she had every right to be mad at him for both of those. and while zuko is allowed to feel his emotions and be angry sometimes as well sometimes he needs to think things thru and realize that hey maybe some if this jealousy is unfounded. BUT EVEN THEN. HE RESPECTED HER FEELINGS AND DIDNT TOUCH HER WHEN SHE SAID DONT TOUCH ME. HE RESPECTED HER. so i hate toxic maiko takes because they are literally so wrong in my opinion.

again all of these are just my opinions!! feel free to agree or disagree but please be respectful!! i will respect whatever u think as well because this is all just for fun :)

[monstersdownthepath]

Spiritual Spotlight: Angazhan, the Ravenous King

Chaotic Evil Demon Lord of Apes, Tyrants, and Jungles

Domains: Animal, Chaos, Evil, Plant Subdomains: Decay, Demon, Fur, Growth

The Complete Book of the Damned, pg. 18~19

Obedience: Ingest hallucinogenic jungle plants and then beat a complex rhythm on a large drum made of human skin and bones while chanting prayers to Angazhan. Benefit: Gain a +4 profane bonus on saving throws against diseases and poisons caused by exposure to the jungle or inflicted by creatures native to jungles.

Heurgh, Angazhan has some pretty restrictive requirements here, and his Benefit really only works against a single environment, making Angazhan one of the most environmentally-locked deities since Dagon! It’s fitting, considering Angazhan is basically only worshiped in Darkest Africa the Mwangi Expanse, a massive and terrifying jungle he’s had his six-fingered hands buried deep into ever since humanity began settling the land. Since worship rarely ever leaves a jungle home, any player character wanting to serve the Ravenous King had better make sure they’ll be sticking close to the vine-draped homeland, or they’re just completely out of luck! Not just because they lose out on the benefit above, but because they lose out on a good number of Boons too!

anyway, it’s a difficult alignment to set up for and keep a secret, if you’re trying to hide your worship of the Tyrant King. You COULD pass off the drum as being made of animal tissues, but the loud chanting to a known and famous Demon Lord and the fact you’re likely to be seeing stars and colors due to your Hearty Breakfast is much harder to explain if someone kicks your door in. The fact you need both jungle drugs and a drum means this Obedience is utterly ruined if you get robbed or have your equipment stolen, though at the very least it’s easy enough to replace your belongings... if you’re in a jungle. If you’re not, getting a new drum is simple, but a visit to the black market may be necessary to restock on your Hearty Breakfast.

The benefit is notably weaker than other benefits of a similar theme; a few deities are generous enough to give universal protections from poison and disease, but Angazhan punishes you for going where he cannot tread. Fitting for a tyrant who likes having people under his thumb, but annoying for someone trying to actually extend his reach. In a jungle area, however, it’s MUCH more impressive than it looks in a vacuum; many, many, many, MANY horrors within the deep and mysterious tangles rely on poisons or disease to fell their enemies and their prey, so the added protection will always come in handy!

Boons are acquired slowly: the first once you reach 12 hit dice, the second at 16, and the third at 20. However, the Evangelist, Exalted, and Sentinel Prestige Classes can be entered as early as level 7; doing so grants you the Boons at levels 10, 13, and 16 instead. Servants of demons may also take the Demoniac Prestige Class; you don’t get the Boons any faster than E/E/S, but you may select which Boon set you get, and you get cool demon-related powers!

------- EVANGELIST -------

Boon 1: The Jungle Consumes. Gain Pass Without Trace 3/day, Tree Shape 2/day, or Spike Growth 1/day.

‘Consumes’ indeed; Spike Growth can render a frankly offensive amount of terrain completely inhospitable (ten 20ft squares!), shredding 1d4 HP off every creature trying to pass through a single 5ft square and threatening to halve their movement speed for a full day every time they take damage. As anyone who’s played as or fought against a Druid can attest to, Spike Growth is useful for exactly two things (slowing an enemy’s retreat or advance) but it’s amazing at doing so. The sheer amount of terrain the spell covers and the length of time it covers for (an hour per level) makes useful for stopping everything from a charging dragon to a charging army... provided your foe has less than 4 DR. In order to halve someone’s movespeed they need to actually take damage from the growth AND fail a Reflex save, meaning even the meager DR 5 you’re likely to encounter at levels 10+ is enough to make Spike Growth completely irrelevant.

If you can use it against a foe who’s not immune to it, though, it’s absolutely stellar. Moving through even a single 20ft square triggers four separate Reflex saves to avoid having one’s movespeed halved for a full day, and--as written--the halved speed can’t be undone with Fast Healing or Regeneration, the victim MUST find a Cure spell. Perhaps the biggest downside is that using it to its fullest potential--that is, to cripple a charging swarm of foes--is unlikely to happen, delegating it to crowd control versus a small amount of enemies.

It’s leagues better than the niche Tree Shape, but Pass Without Trace also has its merits, hiding up to 10 people from sniffing noses and prying eyes for half a day, letting you and your allies effortlessly vanish into the foliage. Indeed, all three of these spells are extremely useful in the jungle setting Angazhan demands you remain in, so if you ARE actually hiding around in the Mwangi Expanse, all three of these can be genuine picks depending on if you plan to be a trapper, a stalker, or a sentree that day.

Boon 2: Canopy Crawler. Your feet become prehensile and apelike, allowing them to act as a second pair of hands for every purpose except wielding a shield or weapon, such as to execute somatic components, to aid in climbing, to hold objects, and to maintain your Dexterity bonus to AC while climbing. In addition, you gain a climb speed equal to your walking speed +10, and can attempt a Climb check in place of the following checks: Acrobatics checks to swing or leap between branches and vines; Stealth checks to remain hidden within trees, and you can move at full speed through them without penalty; and Stealth checks to snipe from trees, the penalty for doing so reduced by 10. 

The way this ability is written in the book is kind of a mess, so I tried my best to shuffle it into a more easily digestible form.

Anyway: Freaky monkey feet! For all your freaky monkey feet needs! One of the more unique Boons in the game, and unlike most highly unique Boons, this one is still highly useful! While your handfeet can’t wield weapons or shields, you can use them for more or less anything else while your actual human hands are occupied. Sleight of Hand? No, my friend, I’m on a completely different level.

The big star here is the free climb speed, which automatically gives you a meaty +8 to Climb checks, making the various skill checks it replaces much, much easier to exploit. You become an expert of gorilla... guerrilla... Gorilla Guerrilla Warfare, soundlessly moving from tree to tree and hurling spears or firing arrows with nary a peep but for the whoosh of the weapon through the branches and leaves, moving from position to position as easily as playing hopscotch. Even if you never invested in Stealth at all, you can suddenly pour ranks into Climb and become an ersatz Rogue for the party, leading a silent charge against the foes of the Ravenous King’s cult. 

Side note, this ability combines beautifully with all 3 of the spell-likes from The Jungle Consumes, as your brachiating movements put you above Spike Growth, Pass Without Trace makes you utterly impossible to nonmagically track if you attack at night, and Tree Shape lets you become a horror movie villain that vanishes the instant it appears you’re about to be ‘caught.’

Boon 3: One With The Jungle. While in the jungle, you gain blindsight to a range of 60 feet, you gain a +2 insight bonus to AC and on saving throws, and you are never flat-footed or surprised. You ignore cover and concealment caused by natural features of the jungle, as the very plants and stones twist out of the path of your attacks and spells.

An eternal Diet Foresight if your reward for remaining in the Ravener King’s grip, but this ability--unlike Canopy Crawler--is entirely blank if you adventure outside of your god’s chosen locale, a punishing loss of an otherwise incredibly strong defensive ability. Being impossible to catch by surprise is good enough on its own, especially at levels where enemies can have Sneak Attacks exceeding +4d6, poisons that cause people to hemorrhage ability scores, or fatal grappling embraces, to say nothing of what happens if a spellcaster gets the drop on everyone. The +2 to AC and universal bonus to saving throws will struggle to make a difference, but it’s a rare insight bonus and will thus stack with all your existing bonuses... and, of course, it lasts forever so long as you remain in a jungle.

I enjoy that the jungle will shuffle aside to let you shoot and swat your enemies without penalty, making my ‘treetop sniper’ suggestion in Canopy Crawler even more viable. Now, as long as you can see even the smallest portion of your target, the natural world will bend and sway to avoid your blows so that they always strike true, letting you attack enemies without the possibility of them retaliating unless they begin cutting down the whole jungle... at which point they’ll have much bigger issues than just you.

------- EXALTED -------

Boon 1: Jungle’s Wrath. Entangle 3/day, Bull’s Strength 2/day, or Summon Monster III (1 fiendish ape, 1d3 fiendish advanced baboons, or 1d4+1 fiendish baboons) 1/day.

Bull’s Strength is always nice to have to give the beefy members of your party, giving them an extra +2 to attack and damage rolls for ten or so minutes at a time, among other bonuses. Strength bonuses are some of the most boring but practical things you can hand out, because you never know when you’ll just need to do something as simple as moving a large rock or hit something for 2 more points of damage than normal. Having it at twice a day means it’ll likely carry through the most important battles or puzzles you’ll face.

Entangle, however, tends to be the better option here. See everything I said above about Spike Growth? Paste that here, as well, but trade off the damage for the ability to grapple everything trying to move through the 40ft radius(!) of plantlife you’ve affected. In some ways it’s better than Spike Growth, utterly halting the movement of anyone heading through it if they fail their save rather than halving it, and being difficult terrain even if the victims succeed, which halves their speed anyway.

Seeing summoning abilities on a Boon is usually good, but the painful limitation of only being able to summon various demon apes means it severely lacks its normal Swiss Army application. It’s only really good if you need either a distraction, or something heavy moved, both of which could be accomplished with Entangle and Bull’s Strength without it being tied to a creature with subhuman intelligence. At the very least, apes have humanoid hands and can thus perform tasks very few other summoned creatures could do, such as wielding weapons.

Boon 2: Summon Child of Angazhan. 1/day as a swift action, you can summon an Advanced Fiendish Girallon, 1d3 Advanced Fiendish Dire Apes, or 1d4+1 Advanced Fiendish Apes as if you had cast Summon Monster VI.

In spite of my mockery of the Boon above, the ape restriction here is anything but painful. ... well, it’s painful for anyone who’s not you, mind. An Advanced Fiendish Girallon is a CR 8 monstrosity with enough damage output and resilience from the Fiendish template to punch above its weight class. A Girallon is a four-armed, Large-sized ape beast with five attacks (and Rend!) a round, with enough agility and maneuverability to run down fleeing foes or chase them through just about any terrain easily.

It’s also your best option among the summons; the Dire Apes and normal apes are nice, but the chance of summoning a single Dire Ape or a meager 2 fiend apes means a Girallon is the best go-to unless you need a lot of bodies rather than one large one. The Fiendish template is really what gives this ability the oomph it needs to shrug off most of my criticism of Jungle’s Wrath, granting even your normal apes a bit of Spell Resistance and elemental resistance to Fire and Acid... though, notable, both the normal ape and the Dire Ape have too few HD to gain the advanced benefits of the Fiendish template, and none of the creatures here have high enough Charisma to make the Smite Good ability granted to them useful, even with the +4 to all ability scores from Advanced.

Perhaps the biggest gold star this power has, however, is the fact that it can be used as a swift action. You can instantaneously flank an enemy with a murderous gorilla and then stab them in the back when they rightly turn around to look at said murderous gorilla in disbelief, or you can blast them with another spell, or you can do any number of other things with the distraction you’ve just created. Don’t forget that Summon Monster VI also has a range of Close, letting you hurl a demon gorilla at an enemy from 25+5ft/lvl away. The downside, however, is that SMVI also has a duration of a meager 1 round/lvl, meaning you’ll often run into the issue of saving the use of this ability, often until you no longer need it.

Boon 3: Jungle’s Might. You gain a +2 profane bonus to your Strength score and a +2 bonus on Fortitude saving throws.

Useful but boring. It’s moderately better than most stat-buffing Boons thanks to the additional Fortitude bonus, but final Boons typically give +4 bonuses, not +2. There’s no flash or pizazz here, nothing to really expand upon, so lets move on!

------- SENTINEL -------

Boon 1: Tyrant’s Roar. Gain Command 3/day, Sound Burst 2/day, or Suggestion 1/day.

I almost got mad because I mistook Sound Burst for a different, much worse spell. Nope! That was sonic scream or whatever, one I’m so unimpressed with I didn’t even bother looking it up. Sound Burst is significantly better, anyway, able to stun a small crowd of enemies in a single casting, which is exactly what you--as the Sentinel--want to happen. Either because you’re holding back an enemy(/ies) for your allies to get into place, or because you’re holding them still so you can get in close. The damage it deals is pitiful, but it’s automatic even if they succeed against the stun effect, and you never know when 8 damage to up to a crowd will make a difference!

Like most of Angazhan’s blessings, it gets better if you’re in a jungle, as the hostility of the Mwangi Expanse means invaders are likely to be clustered together as tightly as possible to prevent attacks from all angles. Punish them, hard.

Command is in-character for the Tyrant King, and it rewards creative uses beyond the ‘come,’ ‘stay,’ and ‘drop’ commands, though those serve their purpose well enough. I’m quite partial to KNEEL, which fits Angazhan rather well! The only problem is that its low saving throw scaling means it’s unlikely to affect enemies that matter, and in combat it’s often much better to just rush in and start slapping. Out of combat Suggestion is king, though it’s an odd choice for someone who tends to force people to follow his orders through violence and threats rather than relying on coercive and subtle magic. Personally, I’d let the Face of the party or the dedicated enchanter rely on Suggestion, and carry Sound Burst around for those times you need to explode people’s eardrums.

Boon 2: Reign of Terror. You add your Strength modifier to Intimidate checks (this does not stack with Intimidating Prowess or similar feats and abilities) as well as your Charisma modifier. Once per minute, you may use Intimidate to demoralize a single creature within 30ft as a swift action, or all creatures within 10ft as a move action. When using Intimidate to demoralize a creature in this way, if your result exceeds the DC by 5 or more, the creature is frightened for 1 round and then shaken for the normal duration; if your result exceeds the DC by 10 or more, the creature cowers for 1 round, then is frightened for 1 round, and then is shaken for the normal duration. When you use Intimidate to demoralize an ally, instead of being shaken, that creature gains a +2 morale bonus on attack rolls for the appropriate duration.

While normally Boons are built to be taken advantage of by any class within the margins of those who can enter the Prestige Classes in the first place, sometimes you get one that forces you into a specific path. This one highly, highly rewards having both a high Strength and a high (or at least neutral) Charisma, and focusing a feat or two into making your Intimidate as high as possible can see you sending squadrons of enemy combatants scattering and trampling one another to get away from you. I love, love, LOVE that there’s no per-day use restriction on this power, only that it can be used once per minute, meaning you can bring it out in more or less every fight you encounter.

Exceeding the victim’s Intimidation DC by 10 or more causes them to cower, a status affliction barely above paralysis in how terrible it is to be suffering, opening them up to a whole round of being beat on without any ability to retaliate. Even if they survive the round of helplessness, they’re forced to run from you and use whatever resources they have available to get as far away from you as possible... which can be a blessing or a curse depending on what they were carrying and how badly you wanted it.

Being able to Intimidate a single foe as a swift action or a whole crowd surrounding you as a move action is strong, especially if you can bolster your prowess enough to always score 10 higher than their DC (a challenge, but not an insurmountable one)... And even if your enemies are immune to being intimidated either because they’re mindless, starved, or immune to fear, you can use this ability to give your whole team +2 to attack rolls for 4+ rounds. It’s more of a consolation prize than anything else, but note that the final sentence does not say “in this way,” meaning you can use Intimidate normally without needing the 1/minute bolstering to give your allies a bit more accuracy! Wasteful, but viable!

Boon 3: Unchallenged Tyrant. When you perform your Obedience, designate a number of present and willing creatures equal to your Charisma modifier; these are your Thralls. This designation lasts for 24 hours or until you next perform your Obedience. 3/day, you can infuse all Thralls within 50 feet of you as a swift action, granting them a +4 bonus to their Strength and Constitution scores and a +2 bonus on initiative checks, and granting any teamwork feats you have as bonus feats *for an number of rounds equal to your hit dice. If a Thrall dies within 50 feet of you at any time, you gain the effects of Death Ward (CL = half the Thrall’s Hit Dice, to a maximum of CL 20th).

*this ability originally had no listed duration, making it quite awkward and insanely powerful. I’ve added one that makes sense.

Oh, not bad! Another reward for buffing up your Charisma! Even if it’s just to a +2 bonus! And it’s a fine one, too, letting you enchant your allies with a discounted Barbarian Rage, including a bonus to initiative checks to help them move before your enemies even know what’s happening! THREE TIMES a day!!! And--wait, wait, there’s more? You also transfer ALL your teamwork feats to your Thralls? Teamwork feats are pretty powerful but wholly rely on your allies being willing to give up their own feat slots for them, and they utterly fail to work if you aren’t working together or become separated by enemy shenanigans. This ability (along with the Inquisitor’s Solo Tactics) turns those empty feat slots into something truly game-changing due to applying them to all of your Thralls at once. This means that, even if you don’t or cannot join in the fight, they can still use teamwork with each other, and all you need is one of them to be nearby to make use of feats like Lookout (if one of you can act during the surprise round, all of you can), Precise Strikes (+1d6 damage if you’re flanking an enemy)... or, perhaps the most useful of them, Coordinated Charge, allowing you and your allies to all charge the same target.

It doesn’t take a genius to see why Coordinated Charge is one of the best you can use with this ability, as the +Strength and Con bonus means you can turn even the weakest member of the party into another source of damage however small. It also means all of your melee battlers can get into the fray immediately, and if used in combination with Lookout, it can turn an enemy ambush into a pile of severed limbs and broken armor before they even realize what they’re up against.

I also like that if any of your Thralls die, you get a free Death Ward. If you know you’re going up against a necromancer or an Undead with Energy Drain, making an incredibly weak but tasty-looking creature one of your Thralls and sending them in to die is one less spell slot your Divine caster needs to use on you. I’m amused by the idea of blessing one member of your Sack Of Rats and just crushing it in your hand if you ever need a ward. If you have the Charisma for it, definitely try it out!

You can enter Monkis World here.

[racingtoaredlight]

THE DEGENERATE’S GUIDE TO COLLEGE FOOTBALL TV WATCH ‘EM UPS 2021: WEEK TWO, A MUDDLED AND MAUDLIN WEEK OF MAYHEM IN HONOR OF THOSE WE LOST

RTARL would like to extend our warmest holiday wishes to those who celebrate and, even if you don’t, happy 9/11. Now who’s ready for some FOOTBALL!!!!?!?!

So after two weeks of games that combine to count as only one official week even though some teams have already played twice we have only one real question answered: is Alabama still good? Yes, they are. Everything else is still liquefying vapor.

I am assuming everybody is waiting with baited breath for an RTARLsman but I don’t have anything yet. I guess the not-Master Teague RBs on Ohio State are the frontrunners for now. Or that one guy from that one team who was good. You know who I mean.

Saturday, September 11

Matchup    Time (ET)     TV/Mobile

Illinois at Virginia   11:00am   ACCN

Jeff George won Citrus Bowl MVP for the Illini against the Hoos in his last game as a student athlete before becoming the #1 overall pick in the 1990 NFL Draft. Based on this history it is safe to presume that whoever the QB is for Illinois today will be the #1 pick in 2022.

VMI at Kent State   11:30am   ESPN3

I’m not sure on this but maybe this game is cancelled.

WKU at Army    11:30am   CBSSN

Army is favored by 6. I bet this game is boring.

Norfolk State at Wake Forest    12:00pm   ACCNX

I don’t see a line listed but whatever it is bet against Wake covering.

Indiana State at Northwestern     12:00pm    BTN

This game is an act of terrorism.

Alabama State at 25 Auburn     12:00pm    SECN

Real body bag season starts today, huh?

Youngstown State at Michigan State  12:00pm   BTN

The Michigan State running back is the guy I was trying to think of earlier! He’s pretty good. Not good enough to make me watch this but I will check on his stats every so often.

Tulsa at Oklahoma State   12:00pm   FS1

I bet Mike Gundy has some really salient thoughts on the 20th anniversary of 9/11 and I can’t wait to hear them.

South Carolina at East Carolina   12:00pm      ESPN2

South Carolina is a two point favorite against an East Carolina team that is, per my understanding, not exactly good. So I can only extrapolate that South Carolina is likewise not good.

Pitt at Tennessee  12:00pm   ESPN

Look, I’m not going to pretend this is good television but if Pitt rocks their classic yellow helmets and Tennessee wears non-alternates the colors on the screen will at least be pleasing. The thought of the actual football involved hurts my brain but it’s interesting that the points have gone from a consensus pick ‘em to Pitt -3 over the course of the week. Does Tennessee have any players that are good enough that by missing the game they could impact the gambling that much? Or are people just squaring themselves with the fact the the Vols are really and truly a ruined burnt out hole of a football program? Pound the latter.

12 Oregon at 3 Ohio State  12:00pm   FOX

Losing Kayvon Thibideaux certainly isn’t going to help Oregon but he’s not usually on the field as a run stopper anyway and if Ohio State learned anything last week it’s that they can just run until they feel like throwing a pass. Oregon actually has some legit talent on the d-line besides Thibideaux but the Ducks are gonna be hard-pressed to keep things within two scores here.

Miami (Ohio) at Minnesota   12:00pm   ESPN

If Oregon can’t make a game of it in Columbus look out because this time block is an absolute wasteland. There is scant reason to turn the TV on for the early schedule other than gambling purposes.

Kennesaw State at Georgia Tech   12:00pm    RSN/ESPN3

Georgia Tech probably should have closed up shop after Paul Johnson retired. Either that or just absolutely slathered the football program in dollars. The Yellow Jackets being unable to land any big time recruits while playing in Atlanta is a real mindfuck. They aren’t a AA program playing dress up in a “power” conference they’ve got actual history. I don’t mean to give the impression I want them to be good but I don’t understand how they can be such fodder for so long.

13 Florida at USF    1:00pm    ABC

Remember that year when USF was the best program in the state? Wild stuff. Weird, wild stuff. I know the deal with UF is that they don’t go out of state for contract games but it’s actually kind of surprising they even bothered to keep this trip to Tampa on the schedule. Like the area recruits would probably be happier to go see a game at The Swamp than to kick around their hometown for a pile of shit like this.

Wyoming at NIU    1:30pm   ESPN+

I’m not gonna open the ESPN app for this but if it was on ESPN2 I’d probably check in on it during commercials. Aesthetically pleasing trash with an upside for actual entertainment.

Middle Tennessee at 19 Virginia Tech    2:00pm   ACCNX

Virginia Tech’s home crowd scene was the normie story of last week’s games. People that don’t watch college football were either aghast or frantically waving their blue lives matter flags in response. Us in this space just ate the shame and forgot it happened by the time Saturday’s games kicked off. My theory is that VPI is not actually any good but UNC’s 2020 season was a well-timed fluke and the last hurrah of Mack Brown’s storied coaching career. The Hokies are at home, though, and MTSU is almost certainly not on the same athletic level as the Turkey Gobblers so I’d probably take the home team -20 if I were so inclined to wager on this particular game that is being broadcast on the ACC’s new pornography channel.

Rutgers at Syracuse    2:00pm    ACCN

Holy fuck does this game suck. Reuniting former Big East, uh, rivals (??? does Rutgers have any natural enemies?) in a cross-conference classic betwixt the B1G and the ACC.

Duquesne at Ohio   2:00pm   ESPN3

I don’t think I need to explain to you all the national title implications riding on this game.

Toledo at 8 Notre Dame    2:30pm     Peacock

Just remember that if you subscribe to Peacock you are at the very least tacitly supporting Notre Dame. If for some reason you’re watching this please report back on how many of those defensive pick plays Notre Dame runs. They were doing that shit constantly against Florida State last week and it drove me nuts. I think the idea is that you are so flagrantly illegal so often that the refs grow numb to it and just don’t call it at all.

Robert Morris at Central Michigan     3:00pm    ESPN3

Not to be outdone by the early games, the 3 o’clock set is equally terrible.

Purdue at UConn    3:00pm    CBSSN

I bet Edsall still gets bonuses for stupid shit even now that he’s retired or whatever the official designation was for him no longer coaching.

Boston College at UMass    3:30pm    FloFootball/NESN+

I don’t know what FloFootball is but I know it isn’t anything to do with the state of Florida.

Ball State at 11 Penn State    3:30pm    FS1

It surprises me to see Penn State as only -22.5 favorites. That seems very kind to Ball State. Hopefully I’m wrong and the Ball State Lettermans take it to the Sanduskys.

Murray State at 7 Cincinnati    3:30pm    ESPN+

Practice week continues.

Temple at Akron    3:30pm    ESPN+

Pound the under.

Georgia Southern at Florida Atlantic   3:30pm   Stadium

There is really nothing going on this week.

Air Force at Navy   3:30pm   CBS

Middies vs. Fly Boys in the first leg of the Commander’s Cup on the twentieth anniversary of 9/11. I can’t imagine the amount of emotional manipulation that’s going to make its way onto this broadcast. Normally I watch these games but I don’t think I can do it this year.

UAB at 2 Georgia    3:30pm    ESPN2

Georgia may well be absurdly talented on the defensive side of the ball but I’d be surprised to see them make it through the regular season with fewer than two losses.

5 Texas A&M at Colorado     3:30pm     FOX

This is only interesting if the Aggies spring a leak.

California at TCU    3:30pm    ESPNU

Things most certainly are not looking up.

Buffalo at Nebraska    3:30pm    BTN

Nebraska is in an interesting position because if they buck the odds and end up being good after we’ve all been so ready to see a National Championship-winning coach get fired that would be funny but if they end up being really bad it’s even funnier. Go Bulls!

Mercer at 1 Alabama    4:00pm   SECN

I’ll cry a little if Saban pulls the starters in the first half and the Tide beats Mercer by less than they beat Miami.

South Alabama at Bowling Green   4:00pm    ESPN+

10 Iowa at 9 Iowa State    4:30pmABC

This is not the kind of top 10 matchup I can just sit idly by and let it happen. Your silence is complicity in this monstrous display of modernity.

SC State at 6 Clemson    5:00pm      ACCN

Clemson dropped all the way to #6 and they’ll hang around the top of the polls because they don’t have the toughest conference schedule in the world but my confidence in them is not high right now. I think the new QB is just a guy. He’s talented as hell but I don’t see him being great.

Illinois State at Western Michigan     5:00pm   ESPN3

This is either MACtion or MACtion adjacent and I have only one word for this midwestern trash: abhorrent.

LIU at West Virginia   5:00pm    ESPN+

LIU plays football?

Lamar at UTSA      6:00pm    ESPN3

Downside: You’re watching one of the least important games of the year. Upside: You’re really not missing anything.

Portland State at Washington State    6:00pm    P12N

Washington State was a perfect spot for the stupid pirate fuckhead and his leaving has ruined the program and, eventually, his reputation. Not relevant to this game necessarily but this game isn’t relevant to anything else, either.

Gardner-Webb at Charlotte   6:00pm    ESPN3

Oh, yeah, feel the excitement.

Bethune-Cookman at UCF   6:30pm   ESPN+

Go Cats.

NC Central at Marshall    6:30pm    ESPN+

The hits keep coming.

Houston at Rice   6:30pm    CBSSN

I’ve always had a soft spot for Holgo and for Houston football but somehow I really don’t like seeing him coach the Cougs. This is SWC magic but with no magic. UNLESS! Houston can put up 100. I don’t think they even have the guys to do it but this is Rice we’re talking about here.

Nicholls at Louisiana    7:00pm    ESPN3

Keep the energy up.

North Texas at SMU   7:00pm   ESPN+

I bet is MS621 were still alive he’d be at this game giving Spencer’s boys hell. Sadly he died doing what he loved, curing his COVID by eating ivermectin paste out of a horse’s butt. R.I.P., friend. Neigh to you wherever you are.

Southeastern La. at Louisiana Tech   7:00pm    ESPN3

Even the low tier stuff is geared up for annihilation. This is a bodybag week for all time.

Memphis at Arkansas State    7:00pm    ESPN+

Memphis getting less than a touchdown against Arkansas State seems like easy money but I have no real concept of either of these teams just yet. Maybe the end is nigh for the Tigers glory years? I sure hope not but it’s possible.

NC State at Mississippi State    7:00pm     ESPN2

This game should be as fun as a parents funeral.

Southern Illinois at Kansas State   7:00pm      ESPN+

Over the past week I experienced derision for referring the the guys in purple and silver as “Kansas State” instead of “K State” and that stung because it always surprises me that anybody cares about them enough to have a strong opinion about them.

Stephen F. Austin at Texas Tech    7:00pm    ESPN+

Shrugs

15 Texas at Arkansas    7:00pm   ESPN

Let’s see if Texas is ready to run with the big boys of the SEC! Arkansas is given a decent shot to win this game and that makes the “15″ next to Texas appear extremely suspect in my eyes.

Texas Southern at Baylor    7:00pm   ESPN+

This week Texas Southern is the people’s champion.

Texas State at FIU   7:00pm    ESPN+

Oh, Butch, why have you done this to yourself?

Western Carolina at 4 Oklahoma      7:00pm     PPV

All the Westen Carolina fans are buying this PPV to see their guys score 40.

New Mexico State at New Mexico    7:00pm     Stadium

I looked up the historic rivalry last year to figure out why it was played early in the season instead of at the end but I’ve forgotten and don’t feel the need to look it up again. I figured out how to watch Stadium on my TV but I also forgot that and don’t feel the need to look it up again.

Appalachian State at 22 Miami (FL)  7:00pm   ESPNU

My gut tells me Miami is probably legitimately about the 14th best team in the country but I still would never advise you to bet actual money on the Hurricanes. Are they 9 points better than App State? Easily. They should win by 20+. Are they liable to fuck around and lose or scrape out a win in the final seconds? Absolutely. Let’s fuckin’ go.

Morgan State at Tulane    7:00pm    ESPN+

A lot of people learned to love the Green Wave last week but it’s hard to keep that going with their schedule. Don’t forget them later in the year when the CBSSN glow is really shining.

Liberty at Troy   7:00pm   ESPN+

Liberty -4 is maybe my surest advice of the week. If Malik Willis is as good as his press the fake school should have this game on ice early.

Eastern Michigan at 18 Wisconsin   7:00pm    FS1

I find Wisconsin’s losing effort against Penn State last week to be a personal affront against me and all of nature.

Eastern Kentucky at Louisville    7:00pm   ACCNX

I think this game being broadcast at night on ACCNX means they’re playing naked.

Grambling State at Southern Miss    7:00pm    ESPN3

This is the kind of game that belongs on an app.

Hampton at Old Dominion    7:00pm    ESPN3

This is the kind of game that belongs on a well-worn high school football field.

Austin Peay at 20 Mississippi   7:30pm     ESPN+/SECN+

This is a pretty big OOC game for an SEC team.

Georgia State at 24 North Carolina    7:30pm    RSN/ESPN3

One of several GSUs, I think this is the one I most hope emerges victorious this week.

Idaho at Indiana   7:30pm    BTN

Wait, wasn’t Indiana like #10 last week? What the hell happened to them? No, don’t tell me. Seriously, don’t.

Missouri at Kentucky     7:30pm    SECN

When the SEC hits 24 teams the “S!E!C!” chants are gonna seem really stupid.

Howard at Maryland    7:30pm    BTN

There’s no official line for this game but I hope the Bison can pull off the upset in this classic local rivalry game.

Jacksonville State at Florida State    8:00pm   ACCN

Still shaking my head at FSU icing their own kicker. Jesus, Norvell. Get your shit together.

McNeese at LSU     8:00pm      ESPN+/SECN+

LOLSU was my lock of the week last week if you’re considering taking gambling advice from me.

Washington at Michigan    8:00pm    ABC

UDub lost to a 1-AA team last week and now they have to go on the road and beat Michigan. Which seems inevitable, to be honest.

Cal Poly at Fresno State    10:00pm    CW59

The murder rate will continue to increase as the day progresses. I always kind of like it when a local broadcast shows up on the sheet. So pretty much none of us have legal access to this game. It makes it more special.

San Diego State at Arizona    10:00pm    P12N

Pac-12 Network is similar to CW59 in that almost nobody in the country has legal access to their broadcasts. If you’ve read enough of these posts you are aware that SDSU is my weird very deep backup team. I don’t have a reason to align myself with the school or program, I just tend to enjoy watching their games.

Vanderbilt at Colorado State     10:00pm    CBSSN

This is an abomination.

21 Utah at BYU     10:15pm    ESPN

This is a lowkey fun rivalry. I’m pretty sure I write the same thing every year but it’s still true. Go Utes.

Stanford at 14 USC     10:30pm    FOX

I think USC could win a national championship and I’d still be baffled that Clay Helton is their coach. Of course, they won’t win a national championship as long as Clay Helton is their coach but they apparently won’t ever get embarrassing enough to fire him, either.

Idaho State at Nevada    10:30pm    Stadium

This is the lowpoint of the week’s schedule and you have to stay up late to watch it on a network that only exists as an app or as part of a hidden unlockable download-only level of cable subscription. This is the beauty of the college game.

UNLV at 23 Arizona State    10:30pm   ESPN2

Herm Edwards figured out the trick to looking good in the Pac-12 without having a particularly great team and I can’t make up my mind if I’m rooting for him to keep sliding on that rail or to fall off it. I think I’ve come around to rooting for him but it’s a very dynamic and fluid situation.

Hawaii at Oregon State   11:00pm    FS1

Hawaii gets to play at their normal time for a game against the bottom of the barrel of the Pac-12 but they’re an 11-point underdog. If you’re ever going to take Hawaii, this is the stars lining up for you to do it. It’s still a big “if” but I’m saying there’s a chance.

[angsty-aliens]

Truck Stop Knives And Other Accessories Of Childhood (3/3)

Final chapter of my inner child fic which was supposed to be a short little one shot and has evolved into a verse. 

Alien tech has manifested an inner child for Michael. And that child has a knife. 

Thank you again to the many people who helped beta and brainstorm, especially @jocarthage, @haloud, and @foramomentonly. You can read the whole fic on Ao3

***

Morning came earlier than Michael wanted. Apparently the downside to sharing a bed with Alex was Alex still operated on military time, and although he certainly tried to let Michael sleep in, by 7am he couldn’t resist tracing a finger across an eyebrow and down his cheek. Michael didn’t mind. There were worse ways to be woken up, then the gentle caress of Alex Manes touching his face.

At some point in the night, Alex ended up curled loosely against the curve of Michael’s back. He fit perfectly and it felt right. Michael could feel the swell of his cock slotted against the back of his boxer briefs, and he couldn’t help but arch back slightly, chasing the feeling. Alex chuckled, and tugged Michael flat on his back so he could peer down at him, propped up on an elbow.

“Hands above the waist?”

Michael leered with an exaggerated eyebrow waggle, “pretty sure your hands were above my waist.”

Alex laughed, “always gotta find the loophole, Guerin.”

They kissed softly, noses bumping together in their eagerness.

After a few minutes of lazy making out, Alex reluctantly separated. “Do we think Mikey is still asleep?”

Michael thunked his head back against the pillow with a sigh, “Mikey is definitely not still asleep. I never slept through the night in a new placement. Even though he should KNOW he’s safe here with me, I guarantee he’s been awake for hours.”

“Should I be worried about my cabin?”

“He’s not gonna burn down your cabin, Alex.”

Alex tried to sooth him, “I know that. I’m not worried about that.”

Michael grudgingly sat up and retrieved his pants from the floor. “Only one way to see…”

It took them a few minutes for Alex to attach his prosthetic and for them to get dressed. Alex tried to exit the bedroom quietly in case Michael was wrong about the boy sleeping, but sure enough, the kid was fully dressed and reassembling the toaster on his coffee table. The couch had been stripped of all bedding, and every quilt was folded neatly and tucked unobtrusively to the side. Alex’s laundry basket was full of neatly folded clothing. The boy obviously emptied the dryer when he woke up, and tried to tidy up on his own. He did a good job. A better job than Alex expected any eleven year old to do. He had practice at this.

Michael tousled the kid’s hair on the way to the kitchen, “do you want oatmeal for breakfast or pizza?”

The kid was focused on his task, and carefully screwed in part of the toaster, “pizza!”

Alex was distracted, “uh, oatmeal.” He looked around again, “thank you Mikey for cleaning up. You didn’t have to do that. I didn’t expect you to do that.”

The screwdriver hit the table as the boy looked up in alarm, “I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have touched your stuff.”

“No, no it’s okay. I appreciate that you folded the laundry. You just didn’t NEED to do that. You’re a guest.” Alex tried to think of a way to salvage this exchange because the boy was definitely panicking, thinking he was in trouble. “If you want to help, we can give you chores. We can all share the chores. How does that sound?”

Mikey carefully picked the screwdriver back up again, “... I can do chores.”

Alex nodded solemnly at Mikey, a bargain struck, and he walked into the kitchen to kiss the back of Guerin’s neck, while hugging him from behind. “Why is he being a Stepford Wife?”

Michael continued to slowly move about the kitchen to heat up Alex’s oatmeal, while Alex held him like a limpet. “He promised to be nice to you.”

“Why is he tidier than you are? You leave your clothing everywhere and he’s cleaned everything up like I hired a maid service.”

Michael ran a soothing hand across Alex’s arms, locked tightly across his stomach. “Some houses liked that. Some houses required it. Religious freaks definitely required it. He’s just covering his bases. Don’t make it a big deal.”

Alex kissed his neck again and rubbed his cold nose into Michael’s curls, “I’m glad you leave messes. It drives me crazy sometimes, but I’m glad you’re comfortable enough to leave a mess.”

Michael pulled two cold slices of pizza out of the fridge and laughed, “thanks?”

Alex turned him in his arms so he was hugging him properly. Usually Michael was the clingy one, but the kid rattled him. Alex wanted affection dammit.

The two men stood in the middle of the kitchen, arms tight around each other when the kid waltzed in and grabbed his slice of cold pizza. The boy smirked at Michael, “good slumber party, huh?”

Michael raised a middle finger as the kid laughed.

Mikey smirked, “Just bros being bros! Totally platonic!”

And with his hands full of pizza, the boy disappeared back into the living room to finish working on the toaster.

With a sigh, Michael shrugged, “well he said he’d TRY to be nicer.”

***

Having an eleven year old alien around the house was both simpler and more complicated than Alex anticipated. The kid didn’t leave any big messes. He was actually obsessively clean. It was like there was no kid there at all. If Alex didn’t watch him sit at the coffee table, silently putting his toaster back together with the crust of cold pizza sticking out of the side of his mouth like a cigar, Alex could almost believe he was alone. Mikey was silent and contained. He hunched up small like he didn’t think he deserved to take up too much space. Apparently being ‘nice’ meant disappearing.

Guerin on the other hand left his boots kicked into a corner of his bedroom. His hat was on top of a lamp. His side of the bed was a rumpled mess. And he was currently humming a country song enthusiastically and off key. Alex had no question where Michael was at all times. He could close his eyes and still know, because Michael was an ever moving force of nature. Even when he tried to sit still, his knee bounced, his head swayed, his hands tapped out tunes on the arm rest. He was full of kinesthetic energy.

The complicated part of having an eleven year old alien in the house was Alex was pretty sure his couch cushions were hiding a myriad of snacks. The kid thought he was subtle, but he kept reaching between the seat cushions and nodding to himself with satisfaction. Michael insisted Alex leave it be. Apparently no conversations were needed about his couch becoming a vending machine.

The boy also didn’t have the habits most kids were taught at a very young age. Alex had to herd him into the bathroom to brush his teeth. And when Michael argued that tooth brushing was only required when his breath got nasty, Alex herded his boyfriend into the bathroom too. They could brush teeth together, like a family. A weird little Lilo and Stitch family.

Mikey had only been at the cabin for two days, but Alex couldn’t imagine a time when he didn’t exist. Isobel brought a bag of clothing and necessities from Walmart and he shrunk smaller and smaller every time she pulled out a new item, arms curled around his stomach. Like he was being buried under the invisible weight of the clothing. A new toothbrush made his shoulder hunch up to his ears, Star Wars themed pajamas had him hugging his knees to his chest, the new shoes made him tuck his chin into his arms and shrink. Michael had hugged his sister and ushered her out of the cabin before the kid could diminish any further.

Isobel meant well. “They’re Star Wars pajamas! The same design as Luke Skywalker’s flight suit! Because you always talked about wanting to see the stars.”

She meant so well.

Later Michael whispered that the kid was feeling the debt. He wasn’t used to people being nice to him without an ulterior motive. There was a currency to kindness and the boy wasn’t sure when the bill would come or what they’d ask of him. It reminded Alex of being seventeen in his father’s shed, handing Michael his brother’s guitar and watching his guard go up.

“Sometimes people can be nice for no reason.”

“Not in my experience.”

Things were clicking into place. An equation finally making sense. And all he could do was hug Michael a little tighter and hope he could give Mikey a better experience for as long as they had him.

The boy presented him with his toaster. Alex was positive the toaster was never really broken. The side was a bit dinged up from when it got knocked off the counter a few months ago. And the knob was stuck on 4, but Alex liked 4. It meant his toast was dark brown which was fine. It was perfectly adequate. He could live with 4. But now the knob turned freely, giving him every option of crispiness for his toast. And the ding had been buffed out. The kid made the toaster work like new. When Alex told him that, Mikey stood up straighter. The boy tried not to smile at the praise. In a fit of bravery, Alex reached out to toustle his hair like he watched Michael do, and the boy closed his eyes for a second and actually grinned. He could only bear Alex’s attention for a second before running off into the backyard. Like he wasn’t sure what to do with praise. It didn’t fit him comfortably, and he had to run away. Alex knew that feeling. Jesse Manes didn’t believe in praise either. Alex remembered the discomfort the first time a PE teacher congratulated him on his endurance. It felt like the comments had to be mocking. He was being made fun of. It took a long time to realize the coach was being genuine.

Michael sat next to him on the couch and kissed his cheek. “What are we doing, Alex?”

“I have no idea. I didn’t really write this into my planner. I guess we’re winging it.”

“Are we moving too fast? We went from not dating, to dating, to playing house with an eleven year old. I don’t want to ruin this.”

Alex covered Michael’s hand with his own, “We’ve been on and off for a decade. It’s not like we’re strangers. I think keeping things PG for a while between us is a good idea, but we can watch Mikey and it won’t ruin anything.”

The kid was running in circles in the backyard. If there was a game, Alex couldn’t figure it out. It just looked like circles for the sake of circles. Making himself dizzy enough to fall down.

Michael’s phone started to buzz. Who would call instead of text? The name “Liz Ortecho” flashed and he reluctantly swiped to answer.

Liz’s voice came out in a rush, “Don’t be mad.” “Elizabeth Ortecho, no good news ever came after the statement -  don't be mad.”

Liz continued, “Okay I know we were going to wait to mess with the disk until we could be at the lab together, but I…”

Michael scrubbed a hand over his face, “Oh god Liz, what did you do?”

“It’s not bad! Hey, put me on speakerphone so I don’t have to repeat this to Alex later.”

Michael placed the phone between them and pushed a button.

“You’re on speaker,” Alex was puzzled but supportive, “Liz are you okay?”

“Yeah, everything is fine. I was pressing different glyphs on the disk and I think I may have accidentally accessed a user manual. Kind of. It sort of was like a psychic connection, either I accessed a user manual, or it caused me to have a psychotic break.”

“Liz.” Alex looked at Michael in alarm.

Her voice took on a higher pitch, “It’s fine! I took notes!”

Michael rolled his eyes, “THAT is not the part we’re worried about!”

Liz ignored them, “Okay so this is what I wrote down: the disk IS a therapy tool. Its intended purpose is to encourage the patient to reconnect with a difficult point in their life and by interacting with the construct the patient develops a healthier understanding of their past.”

Michael interrupted her, “Liz I hope this thing didn’t give you brain cancer.”

“Shut up.”

“Or worse, you could have accidentally triggered your own mini Ortecho.”

Irritation colored her voice, “Michael, let me finish. The connection wasn’t in English. It was all concepts, so I’m not sure I’m translating it right. Mikey is real. He’s a real kid and he’ll age like a real kid. You’ve gotta make peace with yourself, forgive yourself, and when you’re ready you both hold onto the disk and you meld back together. It doesn’t hurt him. He’s part of you. And if you never touch the disk again, Mikey stays. He’ll grow up like any normal child. We should probably run tests on both of you though, just to see. Kyle can give you both a physical.”

Michael shook his head, “The kid is NOT going to like Valenti.”

Liz insisted, “Kyle’s great with kids. It’ll be fine.”

“Your funeral.”

Alex elbowed Michael, “Okay so why didn’t the disk meld them back together when they both touched it a few days ago?”

Liz said, “It won’t work until Michael deals with his childhood trauma.”

Michael laughed, “Sure, I can just deal with my trauma. I’ll go see a therapist and talk about my abandonment issues that began when my family crash landed in Roswell in 1947. Easy.”

Alex put a comforting hand on his shoulder, “You could talk to a therapist and leave out the alien details. You were abandoned. Your siblings were adopted and you weren’t. You survived a string of abusive foster homes. These are all human problems.”

Michael shrugged, dislodging the hand, “Therapists are expensive. You can’t just go talk to one. It’s cheaper to drink beer.”

Liz’s voice piped up through the cell phone, “Super healthy coping mechanism, Michael.”

Michael deflected, “So ANYWAY, if we don’t touch the disk, Mikey stays? And if we do touch the disk after I sell an alien kidney to talk to a shrink, then Mikey gets sucked back into me?”

He could almost hear the grimace in her voice, “Gross way to put it, but yes.”

“Okay thanks Ortecho. Don’t push anymore buttons on the disk. Max would cry if your brain melted.” Michael hung up the phone, turned to Alex and interlaced their fingers, “I can always take him back to the airstream. We can get out of your hair. I don’t know how long he’ll be here. You don’t just get over a shitty childhood in a day and go eat ice cream.”

Alex squeezed his hand, “I want you to stay here. I want you both to stay here. We can always clean out the extra bedroom. Right now it’s full of boxes from when I packed up Jim’s stuff. I can ask Kyle to go through it and keep what he wants. It’d be easy to turn that back into a bedroom.”

“Not your creepy murder basement?”

“Definitely not the creepy murder basement.” Alex considered,  “Although actually I could probably store the boxes in there!”

Alex nodded and continued, “If the kid is here for longer than a week, we can make long term plans. I can forge paperwork. Say you’re the father and you didn’t know about him. His mother moved out of Roswell and dropped him off out of the blue.”

“I would have been sixteen or seventeen when I slept with the mother. A teenage father, how scandalous… but sort of on brand for me.”

“Maybe she was a tourist? Not anyone any of the locals would remember.”

Michael laughed, “Okay so Mikey is the result of a hook up between teenage me, and an adult out of town tourist. Yeah, this is definitely sounding like something I’d do.”

Alex was starting to become more comfortable with this plan. He loved having a plan. “So we’d need a name. Michael is a super common name and maybe she liked you enough to give him your first name, but he’d need a new last name.”

“Truman. My mom’s name was Nora Truman. I don’t care what name his fake mom has, and I don’t really want people thinking I slept with someone named Nora Truman, but he could be Michael Truman. I could have been Michael Truman if my mom got me out of the pods.”

Alex watched the boy fall down and get back up to run even tighter circles. “Maybe we can let Mikey pick out his fake mom’s name. Let him have some sort of agency, and feel involved in these choices. Are you okay with me helping you?”

“Like am I okay with you co-parenting my weird alien inner child?” Michael raised an eyebrow, “This week is so weird. Yes. Please, please help me. I barely kept myself alive for twenty one years on my own. I don’t trust myself to watch TWO of me.”

Alex tugged him closer, “you did a great job on your own. And you’d do a great job now. You just shouldn’t have HAD to have done it alone as a kid, and I don’t want you to be alone now. I want to help. I don’t think we should enroll him in school anytime soon. We should try and figure out more. But I like having some sort of idea of where we’re going here.”

“You and me, and my feral little monster who has a knife”

“Wait, he has a knife?” Alex sat up.

“Oh yeah. I didn’t mention that? It’s a pocketknife. I gave it back to him because I knew he wouldn’t stab you, and you could disarm him if he tried.” Michael appeased, “Which he won’t. I promise he won’t stab you.”  

“He’s not a little monster.” Michael seemed distracted so Alex tugged on a curl to get his attention and repeated, “He’s not a little monster. And YOU’RE not a little monster. He’s a kid and we’re gonna make sure he eats a vegetable every once in awhile, and goes to sleep at a decent hour. We can do this.”

“I mean we’re already doing a better job than any of my foster homes.”

“That bar is pretty low.”

“And yet it exists.”

They eased back on the couch and watched Mikey play.

***

Michael leaned against the backdoor watching his shrinky dink alien run. The kid was playing some sort of weird running game with rules only he knew, and that Michael definitely didn’t remember. One foot managed to get hooked behind the other and the kid landed hard on his ass. Michael winced in sympathy. “Is your butt okay?”

The kid retorted, “is your BRAIN okay?

Michael shrugged, “If your butt hurts we can get Max to heal it. We don’t let him use his powers much anymore since I turned him into a cyborg with an alien pacemaker, but he could heal your butt. You’d just end up with a shiny silver handprint… on your butt. And Max could spy on your feelings, and you’d get to wallow in his poetic angst and guilt.”

The kid narrowed his eyes, “I can’t even tell if you’re kidding. Is that real? Max can heal? But with a handprint and psychic link?”

“Yep.”

Mikey huffed in irritation, “Pretty sure you’re making stuff up, but whatever. What can Isobel do? Fly but she poops alien glitter as a side effect?”

“You should DEFINITELY tell Isobel your theories.” Michael laughed, “But no, she can get into people's brains and influence them.”

Mikey side eyed him, “does she do that to us?”

“No. She promised. Sometimes she can get inside my head but she promises she won’t try to influence us. I don’t even know if she can. She’s only tried the brain thing when she needed to tell me something she couldn’t say out loud.” Michael grimaced, “I didn’t like it. She doesn’t do it often. Apparently our brain is tough and she usually has to puke if she tries anything. SHE says it’s because we’re guarded and paranoid. I think it’s because we’re awesome.”

Michael offered up a hand to high five and the kid pushed past him to the kitchen instead. Ouch.

The kid was getting a glass of water and rummaging around the fridge which made Michael grin. It took awhile to get Mikey to stop asking permission for every single thing. But Michael remembered all the homes that had strict rules about the kitchen. The religious zealots had a lock on the fridge to discourage their charges from greed. Apparently a kid being hungry was the mortal sin of gluttony.

With his head still in the fridge the kid absentminded asked, “Max is a cyborg?”

“He ended up with a heart issue. Long story. I made him a pacemaker and he’s fine now.” Michael wrinkled his nose, “Mostly.”

Mikey kicked the door shut with his hands full of food. “That’s good. Isobel would miss him if something happened to him.”

Michael pulled down a plate to help the boy make a sandwich, “Yeah, Isobel would miss him.”  

The two of them stood side by side making sandwiches. It was good. Eating when hungry. Michael had gotten so used to caregivers forgetting to feed him, that he trained himself to ignore hunger. Unless it was really bad, it didn’t bother him so much anymore. Grabbing a granola bar for breakfast and then working straight through until seven or eight pm wasn’t unusual. It just seemed like a waste of energy to worry about what was for lunch when for so many years there was no lunch. Michael grew up loving school. Not only was it a place he excelled, but he also got breakfast and lunch every day there. He never understood the jokes about how gross cafeteria food was. For him, it was the closest thing to a home cooked meal he was ever gonna get. A sloppy joe served by Mrs. Riley every wednesday at New Roswell High, was his version of a dinner cooked by mom. Summers and Winter break were hard. No school meant no little plastic trays with cartons of chocolate milk and plastic silverware. School was a good place. Michael had liked school.

He cut the sandwiches in half like he’d watched Alex do. It seemed nicer that way. The kid carefully took his plate with two hands. No danger of dropping it. And Michael grabbed plates for himself and Alex, and took them to the table. Lunch. Yet another new thing Michael was trying.

They’d have to figure out what to do the longer Mikey stayed. Michael and Alex both took the day off of work, but the kid would need to go somewhere during the day starting soon. Maybe Max or Isobel. Max was still doing night shifts at the Pony and Isobel was taking a sabbatical from her event planning business. If they went public with the story that Mikey was Michael’s son, he could hang out in the junkyard with him. Michael could fix cars and there were a thousand things the kid could play with. Most foster homes didn’t let Michael fiddle with things. But he loved taking stuff apart and putting it back together. A junkyard was a perfect playground for an engineering genius.

Mikey and Alex were having an animated conversation about the merits of Ninja Turtles. Apparently Alex thought Leonardo was the best because he was the leader and was the most focused. Mikey insisted it was Michelangelo because of… pizza. And honestly, Michael had to agree. Pizza always wins. He grinned at his boys and took another huge bite of his sandwich. Maybe this would work after all.

***

Sleeping in Alex’s bed was never going to get old. There was a Michael shaped divot on the right side of the mattress. Even when he got up, he could see the impression of his body. Alex insisted this meant the mattress was shitty and he needed a new one, but Michael liked the evidence he was there.

He curled up closer to Alex and let his hand rest on his hip, technically breaking the hands above the waist rule but so long as his hand didn’t move, it seemed safe enough. His thumb fit perfectly in the hollow of Alex’s hip. He had rubbed a gentle circle when the part of his brain connected to Mikey pinged a distress call again. With a sigh he climbed out of bed, and hoped he didn’t wake Alex as he left.

The kid was sitting up on the couch wrapped in a quilt. Mikey picked at a loose thread on the knee of his Star Wars pajamas. Michael sat next to him and let him lean his weight against his side.

“Bad dream?”

The kid shrugged and pulled his knees up to his chest.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Mikey shook his head. A few minutes later he blurted, “I heard you and Alex.”

“Heard us what?”

Mikey rocked a little in place, “Talking about how the disk works. How you gotta talk about your emotions so we meld together like a transformer, Mega-Michael, or you’re stuck with me.”

Michael protested, “I don’t have to talk about my emotions.”

“Sometimes you gotta share your fart with the world. You keep it all squeezed up in your butt and it gives you a stomach ache. You just gotta let it out to feel better.”

“My emotions aren’t farts.” Michael crossed his arms defensively.

“But your face is a fart,”

“We have the same face!”

The kid smirked, “Nah, I look awesome. You look constipated.”

Mikey became quiet and serious. He pressed his body against Michael’s side, trying to become a Mega-Michael without alien technology. “You gotta be okay with the bad stuff that happened to us. You’ve gotta… not blame me.”

“I don’t blame you.”

“You blame yourself. I blame me. Bad things happened everywhere we went. We were the only constant factor in the experiment, therefore we’re the variable at fault. It’s just science.”

Michael wrapped both arms around the kid, “I don’t blame you.”

The boy huffed, “You’re stuck with me for awhile. If we don’t touch the disk, you could be stuck with me forever.”

Michael rested his chin on the kid’s head, “That wouldn’t totally suck.”

Mikey closed his eyes, “Alex might not be a fan of this plan.”

“Alex likes this plan.” The Michaels looked up as Alex spoke with a smile. At some point he wandered into the hallway unnoticed. His shoulder was against the wall and he leaned heavily on his crutch. He had been eavesdropping.

The kid tried to push himself out of Michael’s hug, but Michael just squeezed him tighter.

Mikey insisted, “You won’t like me. I’m a mess.”

Alex sat on the other side of him and wrapped an arm around his boys, “I like messes.”

“No you don’t. You’re clean. You make your bed perfectly every morning and you always do your dishes. You’d get tired of me. I’m loud.”

“The cabin was too quiet anyway.”

“I’m… I’m mean. I’ll say mean things.”

Alex ran a hand through the boy’s curls, “It’s okay. You can say mean things and we’ll still like you. You can still stay here. We’re choosing you. We want you to stay.”

Mikey tried to push at the arms embracing him. He kicked at Michael as his eyes welled up, “I’m gonna break all the stuff you like!”

Michael winced as a bony heel caught his thigh, “Yeah but we can fix it. Anything you break we can fix together.”

It was like someone cut the strings of a dancing marionette. The kid lost all fight and fat tear drops streamed down his face to his horror. “You’re gonna change your mind.”

Michael looked at Alex, a silent conversation happening above the boy’s head. Michael wiped a glob of snot off the kid’s face with the hem of his shirt. “We’re picking you. On purpose. We want you to stay. Do you want to stay?”

Mikey took a great shuddering breath and nodded.

Alex thumbed away a tear, “Then as long as you want us, we want to keep you.”

It wasn’t a conventional family. It wasn’t something Michael ever thought he’d have. But Michael, Alex, and Mikey could pick each other. That was a thing they could do. And they’d be okay.

[multific]

Paradise

Tom Hiddleston x Reader

Requested by: scorpionchild81

Request: Imagine winning a ticket to a luxury cruise, disaster strikes and you end up shipwrecked on an island with none other than Tom Hiddleston…

 You thought that this was your chance, you finally won something!

A not just a bar of chocolate or something, but a ticket for a luxury cruise. And you just couldn’t wait to be on the ship. You won the ticket when you went with a friend of yours to shop at a mall, there was a young woman trying to get people to spin the wheel and win. You and your friend thought why not. She won a coupon while you won the ticket.

The only downside was probably that you had to go alone. But other than that, your prize included everything.

It was a month and a half trip on the Atlantic Ocean, the trip would start from Portugal and it would go over to America, the first stop is Brazil and then Miami and then it would be back to Portugal. It honestly sounded like the best vacation one could have. Being on a luxurious ship that offers everything you can wish for, beautiful rooms, restaurants, shops, and scenery, really sounded like a dream.

It was almost as if it was too good to be true.

And it was.

Because on the fourth day of the ship, everything went downhill.

You got woken up by an awful loud sound and then the alarm went off. Everyone was yelling, panicking and running around.

Everything was chaos.

At some point a person pushed you and you ended up hitting your head. Just as you reached the dock, you saw what caused the panic, fire.

The loud sound you heard was an explosion and then came the fire.

You heard crying, shouting as you ended up falling over the railing and into the water.

Luckily for you, you found a piece of wood to hold yourself up.

You were on the open water for a day, trying to find other survivors was impossible, since after you fell off, the ship another explosion hit, but this one, blew the whole ship up. The whole ship was gone in a matter a minutes. Leaving everyone dead.

You were devastated.

You watched hundreds of people die, a huge ass ship sink and the fact that your whole life was ruined wasn’t even your biggest concern. All you could think about is the bodies, as you floated with them in the water. Reminding yourself that all of them had lives, families. So, this is what they call ‘survivors guilt’?

Another day passed on the piece of wood. Now you floated far away. And honestly? You were ready to die. Thirst will get to you quick or exhaustion.

Then you heard a faint noise, it made you pick your head up, but as you couldn’t see anything other than water, you blamed it on your imagination.

Then you saw it, in the corner of your eye, an island.

The revelation lit a fire inside you as you basically raced there.

And once you were on land, you flopped down in the shade of a tree, you slept what felt like days, hunger and thirst woke you up.

You sat on the sand for a good minute before going into the forest and finding a water source and a coconut to eat. You were extremely lucky to be able to find a water source that is safe to drink and food at the same time in such a short amount of time.

***

You didn’t know how long you have been on the island. On an island in the middle of the Ocean. Every day, you’d go to the beach in hopes of seeing a ship or plane, to see someone who will help you. After all, it wasn’t that small of an island, it had a mountain and when you climbed up there, you noticed that the place was bigger than you originally thought. The water has washed some wreckage from the ship to shore, from those materials, you were able to build yourself a shelter, but after a few days you found a cave in the mountain, and now you were living there. It rained a lot on the island. Which was a great way for you to collect water. You even found a pond and river in the forest, but you saw enough episodes on Discovery Channel and you knew better than to immediately jump into the water. After you made sure everything was fine with it, which was, you decided to go there every day to clean yourself and to collect water.

You managed by yourself, but one thing never left you, the nightmares. Whenever you thought back, all those people, children as well. Just… dead.

One night, it was the worst storm since you have been there. You sat back at the furthest part of the cave, trying to keep yourself warm with your found clothes and blankets. You watched the entrance of the cave with fear and alarm. Then suddenly out of nowhere, a man appeared in front of the cave. He was breathing heavily, clothes dirty and wet, he had facial hair, which was an obvious giveaway that he had been there for some time now.

Both of you froze as you just stared at each other. You grabbed your defense knife so if he tried anything, you’d be ready. But he didn’t, instead, he was the first to talk.

“Are you from the cruise as well?”

That’s when you recognized his face. You saw him, wearing a nice blue suit, shaved, eating with the rich. You heard that he was an actor, but even so, you were glad to have at least one person with you.

“Yes. How did you get away? Are you alone?” you asked, putting your knife down, he came a bit closer to you, the storm was too loud outside. He sat down on the opposite side of the fire. He looked tired and relieved that he found not only shelter and warmth but a person too.

“I’m alone. After the cruise blew up, I was knocked into the water. I survived, but I have this.” he said as he pointed at a very nasty looking cut on his chest.

You stood up and opened a luggage, looking for the first aid kit you found earlier in one of them.

When you pulled the white box out, you heard him letting a sigh out, probably relieved that he would get help. You patched up his cut as best as you could. You prepared him by saying that you had to sew the cut together.

“My name is Y/N Y/L/N.” you said while you applied the finishing touches, trying to keep his mind off of the pain. It was rather hard to do so since you weren’t a nurse and he was grunting and moaning in pain.

“Tom Hiddleston.” he got his name out during another groan.

When you were done, you put everything into a bowl to wash it. When you looked back at him, he was sleeping. The exhaustion and the pain got to him.

***

The next day you were there when he woke up. You gave him some food.

“I don’t know how long I have been here. What about you?”

“About a week I’d say. I tried to keep track but I just couldn’t.” he said as he looked at you. “But you made a shelter, I never did. I walked around this island, trying to find something or someone. Then yesterday, during the storm, I was looking for shelter and then I thought I saw light coming from here. I’m glad I was right.”

Hearing someone talk was like a blessing, having someone to talk to was even better. You and Tom talked for a very long time. You both shared your stories and basically helped each other get through and over the trauma.

If it wasn’t for the tragedy, you would have never been able to sit down with him like this and talk.

And you were glad you had the opportunity since he was a very sincere and kind person. And the fact that he helped you a lot was only a bonus.

You made the most out of your situation, you built a house in the forest near the river, a small wooden house, but it fitted perfectly with the weather and was a lot warmer than the cave.

Since Tom and you were the only ones on the island, you became close. He helped you hunt and skin animals, when you asked how he knew about those things, he said that he had a role like that once.

You soon became friends.

But as one night you finally had enough, you decided he needed to shave. He said he never did it with a blade, so you had to do it.

As you sat in the cabin, next to the fire, shaving the man, you admired his face.

Sure, he was handsome, but without his beard, his cheeks were more visible so was his jawline, and those eyes, those blue eyes had you mesmerized.

He smiled when he noticed you staring at him, but that smile soon turned serious when he noticed just what state you were in. You looked like you were under some kind of spell.

You slowly moved closer to him, staring at his lips then into his eyes. You stopped for a brief second, waiting for him to pull back and reject you, but when you felt his hand on your back, pulling you closer, you weren’t afraid anymore.

As your lips melted into his, you completely forgot your situation, you completely forgot the place you were at, all that mattered was how perfectly his thin warm lips felt against yours.

The next morning you woke up naked, on the floor and in his arms.

You wanted to sit up or at least change your position, but he held you way too close and tight. All you could do was wait for Tom to wake up while you stared at the wall thinking.

You wondered if he’d wake up regretting last night. You wondered if he even saw you that way or he just let you do what you wanted to.

And when he finally woke up, you didn’t even know why you were so nervous, even if he said he wasn’t certain about his feelings, he didn’t turn you down, instead, he said he was interested where it will take the two of you.

Sure, the two of you had different backgrounds but the tragedy brought the two of you together, the two of you were able to find heaven on earth and changed the hellish place into a paradise of your own.

Taglist: imreadinggoaway fleursirvart  v-2bucky ehsebastian  crunch-time-sports pxstelrainbow ablogbypeteparker liamssmiler smexylemony greenarrowhead feelingsareharddd thisismysecrethappyplace sincerelyfan theoneanna aestheticsandmarvel rororo06 castellandiangelo avengers-r-us destynelseclipsa castellandiangelo  spilledinkindumpster celebsimagines capsiclesdoll firstangeldragonranch snoopy3000 firstangeldragonranch 

 ~Masterlist~

ˇAO3ˇ

My taglist is open!

Feedback means EVERYTHING to me, so please take the time and tell me how you liked my story. Thank You~

[t-lostinworlds]

Pushing Buttons (Shawn Mendes)

A/N: Surprise!! Haha guess who finally had the urge to write. It’s been a while since I actually sat down and written something, hence why I’m a little rusty so this may be bad or just suck entirely so please bear with me ksksks. Anyhow, here’s a little one shot for Halloween, hope you guys enjoy!

P.S. The next part of Duplicate is on the works so watch out for that soon aha.

Requested:

You sent this like a month ago? I’m sorry for taking so long sweets and also, I changed up the characters love, I hope you don’t mind.

Warnings: Slightly steamy at the end (not really) and typos.

Word Count: 3.6k+

Masterlist in Bio

-:-:-:-:-

Shawn was clueless.

He always has been when it came to the never ending debate on which was better: the MCU or the DCEU.

But the boy does know a few things, one of which is how to get on your nerves very easily.

He knows very well that you love the MCU, that you're a ride or die fan to say the least. Shawn has seen it first hand, the countless amounts of times you've gushed about specific scenes and breaking down each Easter egg to watching the never ending theories as to what will happen next. All of that just goes to prove how much of a fan you are.

Shawn loves it. He loves how you speak with so much passion with that glow in your eyes. And the excitement that coats your beautiful features just makes his heart melt every time.

But with every positive thing about your love of the universe, there's also a tiny downside to it, hence why Shawn also sometimes hate it.

He hates the way you audibly gasp each time Steve Rogers wears an extremely tight shirt and shows off his biceps or when Thor - or any of the MCU heroes for that matter - stands shirtless even for a split second. He hates that certain look on your face as you bite your lip to try and hold back your grin, eyes slowly landing on him showing feign innocence, but Shawn can see right through those eyes. He always has for the past few years.

He can do nothing but scoff with a roll of his eyes each time you do that. Each time you push his buttons because you know it makes him jealous. You know it rides him up the wall how you practically faint each time those men are on screen. You know what it does to him and sometimes, Shawn thinks you do it on purpose, because him jealous?

Let's just say it changes things in the bedroom, just to put it lightly.

It wasn't a toxic kind of jealousy, no; it was more of an "it hurts his man ego" type of jealousy. With those men looking like they were all built from nothing but muscle, how can he not?

Now the time has come that Shawn has to at least get a little bit of revenge. To now push your buttons by the simplest choice of costume for this year's Halloween bash.

He has been planning this since the day he got the invitation, which was roughly two weeks ago. It was a yearly kind of thing, a Halloween party thrown to showcase the best you can do with any character or person of your choice.

It wasn't the kind of party where you can just buy casually something out of a store, not put much effort and be it a done deal. This is the party where people really go all out, as it is a charity event.

So a week and a half before the event, Shawn purposefully says the sentence he knows would push your buttons in so many ways.

"I kinda like the Batman v Superman movie more than Civil War." Shawn states casually as he plops down beside you on the couch. He tried his best to hold back his smirk as your head slowly, almost dramatically, turned to face him. Your hand went to grab the remote without taking your eyes off of him, pausing the movie you were watching which happens to be Captain America: Civil War.

Perfect timing.

"What?" Your voice was merely above a whisper but the surprise coating it was crystal clear that Shawn had to stop his urge to give himself a pat in the back.

The plan was in the works.

"I'm just saying that I enjoy DC movies more than Marvel you know. At least DC has some in-depth stories and great character developments." When Shawn saw your eyes flicker, he was about to back right out and scrap the whole plan. But with one glance at the TV to see that you've paused at the exact scene where Steve Rogers was holding back the helicopter with his biceps in full view – your favorite scene as you've mentioned plenty of times – that's all it took for him to keep this going.

Your glare on him was so intense that he could almost feel the side of his head burn. He can't dare to look at you in the eyes knowing he's treading on dangerous territory, so he keeps his gaze on his phone, scrolling through nonsense to try and seem nonchalant about it. He knows he'll crumble just by looking into those gorgeous but very angry eyes of yours, so be it best to avoid it for now.

"What are you trying to say here Mendes?" Your voice was low, almost serving as a warning for him not to try his luck. Hell, you calling him by his last name was warning enough, but Shawn only shrugged to seem unfazed, flashing you a cheeky smile as he spared you a quick glance before his gaze was back on his phone.

"What I'm trying to say is that DC appeals to me more than Marvel. And I'd like to think I have great taste in movies so..."

You let out a sarcastic laugh that only made Shawn fear you more. That "careful with what you say or I'm going to whoop your ass" laugh that sounds so sweet but very deadly nonetheless. He wasn't even sure if you were laughing at the first part of his statement or the last, or maybe even both, but either way, he was starting to crumble a little bit.

"You're really trying to get on my nerves aren't you?" Shawn shrugged at your words, gathering up all the courage he has to finally look up and hold your intense gaze. To say that you weren't anywhere near delighted with what he was claiming would be an understatement. The look in your eyes just says it all.

"What? I just think the DC movies are better than the Marvel ones." Your jaw went slack at that, and it took everything in Shawn's will power to not even let out the tiniest of laughs or even just make his lips twitch at the sight of total displeasure written all across your face.

Shawn wasn't sure if he was going to make it out alive with this one.

"Don't you dare make me take out my PowerPoint presentation on why you are absolutely and undeniably wrong Mendes I swear." You almost growled at him, hands coming up to pinch the bridge of your nose as you tried to hold on to whatever calmness you could harness within yourself. That simple gesture serving as a signal for Shawn to know that he was almost stepping out of line.

"Okay, you have your opinion and I have mine. I'm just saying I'm definitely not dressing up to be a Marvel character this coming Halloween party, the costumes are just basic." Shawn finishes with the most casual tone, just to dig the insult deeper but not too much for him to end up sleeping on this very couch tonight.

"Basic?!" You screeched as you looked at him in pure disbelief, the piercing sound making Shawn jump in his skin and you almost felt sorry, almost.

Taking a deep breath for a second, you toned it down a little, glare still there but voice a bit calm, just a little bit. "What are you wearing then?"

"It's a surprise babe."

"Fine. I'm not telling you what I'm wearing either." You huffed, crossing your arms over your chest as you turned your attention back on the television; face still contorted in pure annoyance as you didn't even press play. That's when Shawn started to feel bad for ruining your mood entirely.

"My love, come here..." He cooed, slowly moving closer to you as if you'd snapped at him if he gets too close, which was exactly what you did.

"Don't! Don't you dare come near me you fucking traitor." You shot him a glare as you scooted further away from him until you reached the other end of the couch, a deep frown etched on his lips as Shawn flashed you the best puppy eyes he could muster.

"But honey, I just wanna cuddle." He pouted, making grabby hand gestures just like the child that he is. You only rolled your eyes at him, but deep down you were slowly cracking and you know that he knows. Shawn always knows that you can never resist him for any longer.

"I'm still annoyed with what you said. Give me two hours, and then maybe I'll let you near me tonight." You grumbled as you finally pressed play and resumed to watch your movie, making sure to turn up the volume to try and drown out the presence of your annoying boyfriend. Shawn sighed as he sank deeper on his spot on the couch, not pushing his luck any further as he does deserve the silent treatment.

Though that didn't stop him from being all cute whenever you spare him a glance, bottom lip all jutted out as he keeps looking at you with those puppy eyes of his. His sock clad feet always poking with yours until it slowly went up and down your leg in a comforting manner, him trying to take your attention away from the movie and boy was it working.

He kept moving closer and closer until he was seated right beside you, the warmth of his thigh pressing against your own. Sneakily, he was able to land a sweet kiss on your cheek that really did catch you by surprise. Your heart was quick to turn soft no matter how annoyed you are with him as he cuddled into the crook of your neck, placing a soft kiss on your skin and earning a sigh of pure defeat in your part.

And just like that, the two hours of distance from him that you wanted only lasted for thirty minutes. All because Shawn truly knows how to make you melt in so many ways possible with nothing but him and his annoyingly cute and irresistible little face.

***

The day of the party has come.

Both you and Shawn haven't seen each other since the morning, the two of you too busy and preoccupied with your costumes for tonight. That didn't stop him from still getting into your nerves though, the conversation you had a few days ago being brought back by his simple little message.

iMessage from Dumbass Idiot: I really hope you're not going basic this year babe ;)))

The contact name was a bit petty but you just couldn't help yourself.

You weren't entirely mad, just completely and utterly infuriated. After all, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but you can't stop yourself from getting riled up as you finally caught on to what he was aiming to do. He wasn't slick with trying to hide that goddamn smirk that's for sure. Plus, you weren't dumb either being that you know he hasn't seen much of the DC movies, you know his sole purpose of doing this is to push your buttons, his idea of revenge due to you doing the same to him.

Shawn was in the guestroom right now as he insisted you only see him when he's 'done and polished'. You like to think that you have no idea what he was wearing, but judging by all of his actions following to this day, you know your hunch is just about right.

Just as you grabbed your fake guns to place it on your thigh holsters, the sound of soft knocking echoed throughout the room. "Honey? Why'd you lock the door?"

"Because I don't want you to see me until I'm done and polished." You mocked the words he used earlier, Shawn's hearty laugh following right after. "You're still mad at me sweetheart?" You can just picture his wide-ass grin behind the wooden door, that annoying curve of his lips from him feeling so proud that he knows exactly how to get under your skin.

"Leave me alone and wait in the living room you idiot." That only made Shawn laugh even more and it took everything in your power not to rip your hair out. It took so long getting it as straight and red as you can, you're not ruining your look for the idiocy of your boyfriend.

"Shawn Peter Raul I swear to Go-"

"Okay! okay fine, I'll wait in the living room. Love you honey." You didn't bother to give him a response as you heard his footsteps disappear into the hallway.

Putting on your belt, adding some finishing touches and taking one last look at the full length mirror, you smiled wide and proud at yourself.

Your all black Lycra suit was shaping your body in phenomenal ways. The fabric perfectly fitted to accentuate your figure but not too much for it to be constricting. The guns on your thigh holsters made you look like a total badass, but seeing the whole look finally come together? It makes you feel like a total badass.

Being dressed as none other than the Natasha Romanoff, the Black Widow herself - her suit in CA: The Winter Soldier to be precise - you surely do feel your confidence boost through the roof and you can't wait to see Shawn's reaction.

"So what do you think?" You asked as soon as you reached the living room, slowly looking up to see Shawn already staring at you with his mouth in the shape of an O, the water bottle that he was holding not reaching his lips as he froze.

You stared at him with almost the same expression as you finally got the chance to see who he was portraying. He too was wearing a spandex suit, one that fits him too tight for your heart to handle. His muscles were extremely prominent from his wide shoulders down to his massive thighs, not to mention that obvious package he wasn't even trying to hide. His whole body covered in red and blue, his hair all styled back but leaving just one curl that fell sexily on his forehead.

You took him all in slowly but surely, your heart racing because he just looks so undeniably hot. You tried to get a hold of yourself as you cleared out your throat, taking one deep and tried your best to seem unfazed, maybe annoyed even, when you said,

"Really? Superman?"

Shawn didn't even seem to hear your sly remark with his choice of superhero as he slowly made his way towards you, his cape swaying with his every movement that it made him look like he was actually Superman, such a pleasing sight to say the least.

"Holy fuck babe." He cursed under his breath once he reached you, hand landing on your waist as he stared you down with fire in his eyes.

"Not so basic now huh?" You boasted as you tilted your head to the side, bottom lip caught between your teeth and Shawn almost lost it right then and there.

"I– wow, you look – I can't even – damn it baby, you look so fucking sexy holy shit." Shawn gushed as he gave your waist a squeeze before his hands were roaming slowly, up and down your sides. His head was spinning, heart beating rapidly against his chest at the sight of you dressed in an all-black and tight suit. He was at a loss for words as his mind ran a hundred miles per second, his thoughts filled with all the things he wants to do to you with this suit on and off.

The way he was looking at you was doing unspeakable things to your body, the obvious lust in his eyes clear as day but you kept your cool, a playful grin etched on your lips as you slowly ran your hands up and down his chest, feeling nothing but hard muscles though the fabric. "You don't look bad yourself. Could've been hotter if it was Captain America but oh well."

"Oh don't you even dare start angel." Shawn growled, deep and guttural, eyes growing a shade darker as a switch flicked inside his head. It took everything in your sanity to not let your knees buckle, the look on his face loud and clear that he was ready to pick you up and pin you against the wall and take you right then and there. Both his hands slid down to rest on the swell of your bum, giving it a squeeze that made you lurched forward, pushing you even closer to him. If this was to take a step further, tonight's plan would surely be canceled for sure.

"Calm down Mendes. It's hard to hide a boner with that tight suit you're wearing." You teased with a giggle, and surely enough as you glanced down, his dick imprint was there, big and hard.

"I know. I can feel it getting tighter and tighter." Shawn chuckled deeply as he pressed his forehead against yours, taking in deep breaths with his eyes shut tight as he tried his best to calm himself, a task to say the least being that you were still standing there in that pretty costume of yours.

It was a minute tops until Shawn got his shit together, your sweet laugh echoing in his ear as you shook your head at his boyish antics, giving him a soft and sweet kiss that made his heart grow warm.

Shawn lets out a soft breath. "Let's get going before I lose any sense of control and we won't be able to go to the party."

***

"Superman? Black Widow? Why are you two–"

"It's a long story. Don't ask." You cut Brian off as you laughed at his confused expression. Superman walking in with Black Widow in his arms surely was a crossover people didn't see coming.

"We had an argument on which was better, DC or Marvel and here we are." Shawn answered nonetheless, shooting you a wink before he turned back to Brian. "What's your take on that Bri?"

"Well if were judging solely on tonight… To me Y/N is looking extremely good and exquisite so I'm voting for her." Shawn stared at his best friend with his mouth wide open, seeming surprised that Brian betrayed him. You laugh as you gave Brian a high five, the ginger boy looking all amused at this little completion happening between you two.

"Thanks Bri. That's one point for me Mendes." Shawn narrowed his eyes at you. "Oh it's on."

The two of you spent the whole night having the best time all while racking up as much points as you can. It was growing into a tie because both your costumes were pretty well done to say the least, compliments flying here and there, but most of them directed at you to which Shawn would jokingly make a sound of displeasure each time he lost. But he doesn't even argue as he does agree with everyone. You were looking incredible.

It was a couple of drinks later when Shawn couldn't keep his hands off of you anymore. With you looking as is and then combined with the alcohol? Shawn's mind was all dirty as he wants nothing more than to take you back home. Even more so when you left him with the boys to talk to an old friend of yours. Shawn didn't have a problem with it, that until you purposely shot him a grin, that very same grin you have whenever you try and make him jealous.

You wanted to poke at him. To now get under his skin in payback too all the things he said as you shot him a wink from across the room, where you were talking with a guy friend of yours who happens to be dressed as the Winter Soldier.

You were touching your friend's metal arm all while gushing at how cool it was as it did seem so real. It was nothing flirty at all but you didn't try to hide that playful smirk as you casually shot Shawn a glance here and there.

He knows what you were trying to do. He knows what you wanted to happen and he was going to make sure you were going to get it.

In quick strides Shawn was behind you in an instant, hand landing dangerously low on your back as he smiled at your companion. "Mind if I steal her from you?" Your friend shook his head no with a chuckle, bidding his goodbye and turning to leave.

Once he was gone, Shawn gripped your hips with both hands and pulled your closer to him, your back pressed flushed against his firm chest. That's when you felt that hard poke on your ass that made you let out a shaky breath, "Oh..." You felt Shawn's chest vibrate as he chuckled at your reaction, his grip on your waist tightening as he pulled you even closer for you to feel even more of him.

Ever so gently, Shawn dipped his head to place a kiss right on the back of your ear, his voice deep and hushed as he said. "You're really in for a treat tonight sweetheart, it is Halloween after all. Now shall we go?"

You didn't even hesitate as you dragged him out of the venue, body all hot with excitement with what's in store for you when you finally get back home.

Because when you push Shawn's buttons? He'll give you his all and more behind the closed bedroom door.

-:-:-:-:-

LIKE and REBLOG if you enjoyed and let me know what you think! x

Permanent Taglist: @dylshoney​​​ @keithseabrook27​​​ @outlandishnerd​ @particularsof​​​ @chrizzy95​​ @sunshinesofty @aspiring-fangirls-world​​​ @lettingtherosegrow​​​ @shawnshoooodies​​​ @nedthegay​​​ @luvluvxx​​​ @adonishawn​​​ @justanotherfangurl272​​​ @h-oneyholland​​​ @baefrombombay​​​ @whotfiskate​​​ @loveydoveyshawn​​ @hehemendes​​ @greedydevil​​ @minkvrp​​ @peacedolantwins2​​ @shawnsvlogsquad​​ @666mendes​​

Just lemme know if you want to be added/removed the taglist loves! <3

[bluejohsai]

YOUR OWN RULES AND STORY — KOZUME KENMA.

with the continuous grapple of people's mindsets and the ongoing battle of blaming the victims and not the harassers, i incorporated it through the words of this scenario because as what i have read in the trending hashtags of my country, this toxicity needs to stop.

i have experienced similar things like the one i wrote for this scenario but it involved my school uniform, a crowded bus, and sometimes just walking down the street. please, take time in being brave because what we wear doesn't define us and it isn't in the slightest, an invitation for people to become disgusting pigs.

Having Kozume Kenma as your boyfriend had its perks and downsides.

The downsides definitely pertain to his occasional tendency of becoming aloof, which you had no trouble with handling, seeing as you both started dating when you were in high-school. From the first time you met him, his own choice of being distant towards others intrigued you, one reason for your interest being his captain of the volleyball club. For such a social role in a club, the members chose him to be their ringleader (a thing that he has no say on because his best friend and the previous captain insisted to the coaches to have his ‘promotion’).

You both met when the previous manager of the volleyball club decided to search for someone who would take over her position once she graduates, introducing you to the volleyball club right after knowing you. It was a normal lunch period and you were inside your classroom when one of your classmates asked if you had any participated clubs. Being a carefree student, you still didn’t apply to any clubs and mainly because you were only a first-year. And the next thing you knew, you were whisked away by a pretty upperclassman, who introduced herself as the manager of the volleyball club.

You had no idea what conundrum you just entered.

At first, you carefully asked for the permission of the pretty upperclassman that you wanted to start once your second-year rolls in. You didn’t expect her to nod fervently with a huge and beautiful smile on her face, which made you feel small for some reason.

That afternoon, you also met Kenma, noticing how he wanted to melt into the background, making sure to never meet your eyes.

And when the third-years graduated and bid their goodbyes, Kenma was chosen to be the club’s captain, a notion that he so blatantly rejected yet accepted (albeit reluctantly) and you were now the club’s official new manager. For the first few months, you managed to make him utter more words than he had ever said to another member. You both enjoyed each other’s company and taking the time to actually get to know him; learning about his favorites and deeply understanding him as a person. Kenma also followed Kuroo’s advice on lessening the coldness he carefully wrapped around his heart and by doing so, he started liking you more than he intended to.

Now, both of you are in a relationship that lasted for three years, and the perks in dating him just keep piling up, overpowering the downsides. For instance, Kenma would always take the time in making sure you were truly taken care of; whether it be picking you up from your last class, cooking for you every other day, or having you on his lap while he plays some games with his friends (a feat that he disdainfully expressed, thinking that he wouldn’t see the members of the volleyball club anymore). He would also go out of his way to help you study for some of your subjects or even leave an unexpected kiss on your forehead, cheeks, or neck.

The naked truth, he is an amazing boyfriend.

It was a fair afternoon and Kenma was waiting on one of the benches of the Medical Sciences building, his phone opened to some random game that he downloaded to pass some time.

“Kenma!”

The two-toned boy looked up from his phone and regarded you with a fond look, his eyes softening and lips stretching in a minuscule smile at the sight of you. Three years and here he is, still having butterflies at the reality of you dating him.

“Hey, how’s class?” he asked you, staring down at you while taking your heavy backpack from you and replacing it with his own. This habit initiated when he started walking you home during high school — you exchanging bags since he only carried little things in his backpack, making it weigh like it was nothing. Once you have his backpack on, he noticed the bright stare you gave him, earning a low chuckle from him. Taking your hand tenderly and intertwining them, Kenma started walking. “Excited for our Korean barbeque night?”

You smiled widely at him. “We had another quiz earlier and we have to pass our labs tomorrow so I guess this will be one of those caffeinated nights,” you cheekily replied at him. “But I know that our Korean barbeque night will make up for it.”

Kenma flashed a serene smile. “Want me to help you? I think it’s going to be my free night tonight.”

You looked at him disbelievingly, raising one eyebrow. “You’re not streaming tonight?”

He shrugged, looking down at you with a small half-smile. “Figured that you need some company while you finish your lab.”

The two of you then waked out of campus and into the busy streets of Tokyo, your conversation never ending until the both of you stopped in front of an intersection. Waiting for the signal to cross the street, Kenma took this as a time to play with your hand.

“Hey, Kenma,” you called out, feeling his phone vibrate from your back. “Someone’s calling you.”

Kenma looked at you, released your hand from his hold, and opened the front compartment of his backpack. He softly smiled as you started bouncing subtly as if you were listening to an imaginary beat but his smile quickly vanished when he saw a man inconspicuously standing too close at you, his phone right below your skirt. The golden-eyed boy narrowed his eyes at the suspicious activity but he felt anger boiling when he noticed that the man’s phone screen depicted a front camera, your short cycling shorts in view. Without any rational thought, Kenma slapped the man’s arm, making the older guy’s phone fly from his hand, shocking the people surrounding you.

“Hey!” the man shouted, his eyes blazing as he faced Kenma, who was looking at him with a dangerously blank expression. “What’s your problem, man?!”

The two-toned boy rose an eyebrow. “My problem is that you were taking inappropriate pictures of my girlfriend,” he menacingly stated, nearing the man with pounding footsteps. Now directly in front of the man and even though he was centimeters shorter, Kenma clutched the collar of the man’s shirt in a vice grip. He glared at the man and lowered his voice in a deadly warning, “Delete it.”

You couldn’t pull Kenma out of the way when the man pulled back his arm and punched Kenma hard on the side of his face, knocking him to the ground. “Your girlfriend asked for it! Dressing like a slut in public places—”

Though slightly hazy from the punch, Kenma did something that he probably would never dare if he was younger, thinking it was too much work and would probably give him a bruised knuckle. He mustered all of his force and punched back the man, earning him the sight of a nosebleed. For such an unfit person, Kenma managed to make the man tumble to the sidewalk.

This brewed an unwanted fight on the sidewalks of Tokyo.

Now here you are, waiting for your boyfriend in one of the lobby chairs of the police station. You chewed on your lip as you run your fingers on top of your bag, which was given to you while a police officer ushered Kenma inside to be interrogated. Your mind was muddled with conflicting thoughts, starting with that perverted man who managed to take a photo of your short-covered thighs. Heck, you were wearing one of Kenma’s sweaters tucked in one of your favorite skirts. It was a normal day for you to dress up and now this happened. Your lips curled in disgust at the audacity of the unnamed man to take a picture of you, your gut boiling in anger.

For what felt like hours, the door to your left opened and Kenma strode towards you with a busted lip and bruised cheek, a female police officer following close behind. You stood up and placed your hand gently on Kenma’s face.

“Let’s get you fixed up at home, okay?” you whispered to him, your eyes probably teary at the sight of your boyfriend grimacing.

Kenma covered your left hand with his right one and regarded you with tender eyes dripping of concern. “What about our barbeque night?” He then groaned, closing his eyes briefly. “I’m sorry for ruining the night you’ve been looking forward to all week. I promise I’d make it up to you.”

“No, it’s not your fault, Kenma,” you retaliated, your eyebrows slightly furrowed. “Come on, I’m going to bake an apple pie once we get home.”

But before you could pull Kenma toward the exit of the police station, the female police pfficer stopped you. “Young lady,” she started, her expression quite troubled yet she painted a faux smile on her lips. “I think you should stop wearing revealing clothes and you should be more careful next time. Don’t wear this kind of provocative skirt when in crowded places—“

“Are your brain cells on the brink of extinction?” Kenma asked in his leveled voice, his eyes cast directly at the police officer.

“Pardon—?”

“This kind of mindset is one the reasons why our world never flourishes,” he sarcastically stated, never leaving your side while shooting his jabs at the police officer. “There will be no harassments if there are no harassers in the first place. So you’re basically implying that people get raped and sexually-harassed because of the way they dress? This is a new year and there are still people who think like that? Stop blaming the victim, then, and do your job right. You just let that perverted man go without a second thought.

“And one more thing,” he breathed, his grip on your hand tightening, “my girlfriend can wear whatever she wants.”

After that, every time you would go to class or just buy something from the mall, you would take time in making sure you never wear shorts or skirts again. Your mind was anticipating all kinds of scenarios just like the one you experienced so you only don jeans and long-sleeved shirts these days and with Kenma’s observing eyes, this didn’t go unnoticed.

One day, already dressed and preparing your breakfast, Kenma sluggishly walked out of your shared room, making a beeline towards you. He wrapped his arms around you and snuggled against your neck, his hair tickling your face, making you giggle at the adorable antics of your boyfriend. Never lifting up his head from you, Kenma only hummed against your neck while placing small kisses here and there every other minute.

“You’re wearing jeans again?” he asked on your neck, his breath making you shiver pleasantly. Bothered by it, Kenma lifted his head from your shoulder and replaced it with his hands, turning you around into facing him, your whines of burning the bacon following afterward. “Hey,” he gently called out to you in his soft-spoken voice, his hands planted on your cheek, “don’t let what that good-for-nothing policewoman and perverted bastard did get to you. I’m not saying that you don’t look good in jeans, I’m only reminding you to wear what you feel like wearing. It’s not your fault, okay?”

A smile slowly replaced the pout on your lips. Standing on your tip-toes to have your face level with Kenma’s, you placed your lips on his in a heartfelt kiss. Kenma didn’t waste a second in closing his eyes and deepening the kiss, your lips in a slow waltz with each other’s. Nipping your lip before pulling away, Kenma never increased your distance with each other as he placed his forehead against yours, his eyes closed as if relishing this intimate moment with you.

Kenma called your name softly. “It’s your body so make your own rules and go spend hours in choosing what to wear. I’m only asking you to stay strong and face them without fear. No matter what you wear, know that you’re doing it because of you and never because of them.” He paused to kiss you on the forehead. “I love you and I’m so proud of you.

“So don’t let them define who you are because the [Name] I know is her own story.”

[fireemblem3himagines]

Party Animal [College AU]

Word Count: 1,421 Words Pairing: Claude von Riegan/Reader Summary: Golden Deer House was the party animal house, but... he wasn’t really the drinking type.

A/N: Also posted here on AO3!

Claude’s head was throbbing.

The room smelled amazing, which should’ve been his first clue that he wasn’t in his own bedroom; the last thing he remembered was getting into a shot contest with Hilda, another mistake that he kept making. He wasn’t one to get drunk at parties, even if Golden Deer house was the one that threw them all the time. He disliked getting drunk because he lost all of his important senses, and he preferred to be in control of himself, able to think clearly if he were to get into a bind.

He only drank on rare occasions, and on those rare occasions, he tried to have Hilda watch over him.

He rolls out of the bed as quietly as he can, approaching the bathroom before freezing. This was not his room. He was in unknown territory now. He slowly turned, as though he might find a wild animal in bed next to him rather than another person, but he’s glad to see drunk him still had good taste. He’d seen you around before, you’d rejected joining any of the other houses and had instead started your own that had a handful of people in it, but you’d also attended the party last night. He remembered trying to work up the courage to actually hit on you, which is most likely what had led to-

Oh, fuck, did he ruin his chances with you?

He wasn’t the type to indulge in flings a lot, they could be fun but he just didn’t prefer putting in effort on things that weren’t going to last. He had been genuinely interested in you and getting to know you, and now he can’t even remember if you had a conversation last night before he’d jumped into your bed. He worries about what he might’ve said, he had a tendency to stick his foot in his mouth when he was sober, he can only imagine the word vomit that had come out when he was inebriated. What kind of idiot did he make of himself? Would you want anything to do with him after a one night stand, or would it just be awkward interactions from here on out?

Claude realizes he’s thinking too deeply about something that didn’t matter at the moment, slapping both of his cheeks before entering your small bathroom. He just really needed to wash his face and try to wash the taste of vodka out of his mouth, he hated the shit but it did get him drunk when he needed it to. When he partied, he went all in, something he wouldn’t be doing for another few weeks at least until he’d picked the rest of his dignity up from the walk of shame he’d have to make this morning.

Also, where was his shirt?

As much as he liked staring at himself shirtless, he needed to find that before he headed back to his own dorm. He’s thankful that his phone is in his back pocket, glaring at the nearly depleted battery life, before shooting off a quick text to Hilda.

[Claude – Hey, I think you’re fired from watching me when I party. Am I in my bedroom?] [Hilds – I didn’t realize you were payin me. If thats the case then theres a lot of backpay u owe me] [Claude – I’m on my way back soon. How’s the damage?] [Hilds – Not bad u kno how Annette gets when shes drunk, cleans up after everyone she was the last to leave last night]

Relieved that he at least wasn’t going back to a completely trashed house, just one of the many downsides to being the biggest house who throws all the parties on campus, he stuffed his phone back into his jeans and walked back into your room. He’s horrified to find that you’re awake.

Even with your hair disheveled and make-up from last night a little smeared, you still looked absolutely stunning, and he has to quite literally pick his jaw up off the floor before he can finally speak. You seemed amused at him staring at you,

“So, uh, last night, wild, right?”

‘You sure have a way with words, Claude.’ He thought, mentally beating himself up for not even trying to recover from the embarrassing things that had probably occurred last night.

Claude was trying to pry, you noticed that immediately; he really didn’t remember a thing did he? He’s the one who had insisted on coming back to your dorm, just to see what it looked like, judge your taste, that sort of thing (according to him). He was so drunk he could barely make it when you brought him, which you had decided was only because you didn’t want to leave him at that party. Hilda was inhibited herself, and after letting Marianne know, you’d taken Claude into your own hands; a weird kindness to do for a man you barely knew, but he was cute, and you didn’t want him to get taken advantage of.

“You sound like you want to ask me something, Claude. Just ask! I’m curious to hear what words you’re gonna use.”

“Did we- you know, last night?”

‘Another smooth word choice, casanova. You really have the ladies lining up, don’t you?’

“Are you accusing me of taking advantage of a drunk person?” You tilted your head and smiled, making his head spin. You were really beautiful. Drunk him was an idiot for being so obnoxious and just rushing straight into bed with you when he should’ve savored getting to know you first. He felt like some type of loser saying that, but he’d always had a thing for getting to know the people he liked; he thinks that’s his inner journalist speaking, wanting to get to know the deepest depths of people, but that’s an issue to unpack another day. “Don’t write about me in the school paper, Mr. Journalism major, my reputation would be ruined.”

“Well, I think I can forgive you for now.” He was definitely in the more scandalous position right now.

“Here, you kind of threw this off at 5am after we finally got to sleep.” You handed him his shirt that he had actually tossed across your room last night in his drunken stupor, probably preparing to have sex before his head hit the pillow and he immediately passed out. You did consider sleeping on the floor, but this was your bed, and you were an adult, and HE was the invader, so he could just deal with the fact you’d slept next to him that night.

“You need any aspirin? I was worried I was going to be taking you to the infirmary for alcohol poisoning.”

“No, no, you’ve done enough… thanks, and I’m sorry for anything I might’ve said or done.”

“Well, you just repeated ‘You’re so goddamn beautiful’ over and over again. You were slurring the whole sentence together in the end, but I still understood.” Another dazzling smile is sent his way and it pierces through his heart, he almost wants to go back to the dorm room and cry into Hilda’s bed about what a terrible impression he’d made. “Give me your number.”

“Yeah, I’ll just be- What? Wait. You want my number? Like my phone number?”

“I have a sarcastic comment waiting in the wings, but I need to flirt with you before you get drunk again and my advances have to be cancelled out so I can take care of you. Yes, Claude, I would like your phone number. Just in case you need me again, you know?” You held out your phone for him to take. “Just put it in, if you’re okay with it.”

“Of course I’m okay with it.”

‘Way to sound too eager, now they know you’re single and lonely- You didn’t even know you were lonely until your 5th shot last night.’

You giggled as you took your phone back and the sound made his heart leap out of his chest; oh what he’d do to be back in your bed right now, basking in the afterglow of actually fucking instead of just waking up with a hangover. Now that he has this number, however, he hopes your bed won’t become a stranger- and of course, he planned on properly introducing himself and wooing you before he reached it again.

“I’ll see you soon?”

“Very soon. We have parties every Saturday, and for taking care of the leader, you’ve gotten yourself a VIP ticket to every one of them.”

[maiuoart]

I’m curious now. What’s your version of the Underfell, Underswap and Horrortale bros like personality wise? What’s their soul traits? If you don’t mind me asking that is.

Okay, alright, lets do this. I had everything down for this before, but stupid me made a large mistake. ANYWAYS! Feel free to ask any any of them, though I won’t be too prone to really think about them much? Cause, my heart belongs to the Swapfells; But I still wouldn’t mind doing things like this for the other guys!!! ♥

Ask any and all questions you’d like of anything; Thank you for it!!

I’m going to give you how I see them after coming up to the surface~

UnderFell;

UF!Sans/Red; Unlike others in the fandom, I can see Red as one of those types of guys who’s really chill and relaxed… 

Cept, y’know; He has no patiences. At all? He’s our hot-headed, ill tempered, little flirt of a gremlin who enjoys to play around with words and sayings. He has no filter, and is a huge sailor mouth! He’s a prickly little smart ass, but he’d more than likely flirt or try to gross someone out who doesn’t vibe right with him… Cause, y’know; 

“Whats life is ya gotta fight 24/7? it’s funnier t’gross the fucks out than gettin’ their juice on ya from punchin’ too hard, them damn jelly-bags.”

But, he still has a tsundere side to him that not a lot of people know… Because of his habits of irritability and jumping the gun, he may jump to accusations and if proven wrong or said the wrong things, well… He’ll try and make up for it. Without ruining too much of his pride, but he’ll still do something nice behind their backs. Or, awkwardly try to outright show he doesn’t want to lose them somehow or whatever. Y’know, he doesn’t fuckin’ care either way, but it’s hard to find some good pals, alright? ...Stop looking at him like that, y’fuck.

What I really like with this Red? He is the king of word plays. Constantly getting hit and degraded from his brother to stop being so vulgar lead him to become a huge flirt ‘Under The Table’, meaning he can say anything to make your mind sink right into the gutter, but if called out on it, he will play the innocent card and will point out that his wording is innocent; You’re just the fuck with a perverted mind. 

And he revels in that. Red had gotten to call his brother out on it more than once, and even though Edge KNOWS THAT’S NOT WHAT HE MEANT, he began to ignore it after some time.

It still irritated him, but Edge can’t do a damn thing about it… And it’s actually quite hilarious to him secretly to watch others have reactions to his brothers horrible humor.

All in all, Red is a Deviant, Devious, Perverted, Hot-headed, Careless, Prideful, but very-... Loving. Protective... Okay, so he might have a few nice soft and good bones in his body; But not like he’ll outright say it! Get off his spine, dammit!

...Red’s a mother fucking cat that loves attention but will attack you if you outwardly point it out. Don’t point it out and you won’t get bit.

Red’s Soul Trait is; Rage.     It can be mistaken for Determination; But the difference between the two side by side is that a Rage Trait is a lot brighter in hue than a DT.

UF!Papyrus/Edge; Our Egoistic, Narcissistic, Loud, Angry beanpole… But, there is something I have found quite enjoyable in my version than others in the fandom.

Much like in the fandom; He is still that boisterous asshole… However, he has a more different approach when going into an area unknown or an unknown being comes into his area. He is observant, quiet, and will take in a situation in front of him; If one is going on.

Once he is done observing, he will snap at everything he deems need be. Either to help or hinder a situation… But if there is none? Well, call him the Drama maker; Cause there should be. He’s prone to try and test people around him; See how his words can affect them, if he can push any buttons, and pretty much see how tough the ones around him are. He likes to test people’s patiences, after all.

But he does know how far to go before it gets too heated, stopping and bringing up other points in a situation or saying something about himself to get the person’s mind off his ‘Almost’ mistake; Which, it always seems to ease a situation down, allowing them to have some type of word before ‘He gets mad and walks off’. 

Edge, honestly; Doesn’t care what anyone thinks or says about himself. He knows that they have seen only his worst, and the fact it’s a front and a fake personality really makes him prideful of how easy he can hide his true self more. Being in the Guard, one had to train themselves to be something completely different, after all. 

You can say… Edge has a switched personality; His true one?Some days, not even He knows what it really is anymore… 

‘Fake it til you Make it’ was seriously made to be true to him, and at some points, Edge doesn’t remember what is real or not for his feelings. Red will occasionally see his true personality come back… His caring side, his side that’s actually much more relaxed. But with his Soul trait, it’s rare to see anymore. But deep down, Edge knows; He just wants the best for others... Likes to help, even if it’s not wanted from him!

....And maybe stir the pot up to keep things lively.

When it comes right down to it, Edge is; Observant as all hell, Dramatic, Egoistic, Speaks his mind, Teasing, Can be Rude, Low-key Caring... Actually, he’s more of a Romantic than his brother... And he’s actually super sweet when you get passed his sour exterior... Did I mention this boy is great to have to talk about troubles with? High-key LOVES to talk trash about any problems... And he’s protective as all hell. 

Is that friend who is; “WHO MADE YOU CRY? I WILL BEAT THEM UP.”

...I think I’m falling for this PapaBear. That's exactly what I’m thinking his true personality is. 

Edges Soul Trait is; Wrath.   This color is much deeper and more blood related, clear that between a DT Soul and his, it is easy to tell by how much darker his Soul is. Crimson, honestly.

UnderSwap;

US!Sans/Blue; Still the hyperactive, loveable, adorable Magnificent Blue! Never a dull moment with him, his energy doesn’t allow it!

Though he is mistaken for a child almost all the time due to his bright and more than positive outlook on life, similar and if not a mirrored version of UT!Papyrus, he makes due with it! Energetic, eccentric, and good for his works due to his mature side shines brightly; He still can’t help but be very put off when someone says he’s ‘too young to date’. 

He won’t lie when he gives his best motivational talks that make people’s eyes boggle and question his age, however. It always makes him laugh, either good heartedly or questionably is unknown.

Blue uses this to his advantage though, ironically. Might be considered more of a creep thing and that is; Using his childlike personality to be able to get close to someone for a bit. Meaning; Gets really friendly. Will hold their hands innocently, ask to sit in their laps, and cling to the person he likes like glue.

….Did I mention he has a bit of a possessive personality? Cause, he does.

What’s really funny? Is people will automatically think he’s innocent. I’m going down the sin train with this boy; He is a SIN-nimon. Though he barely has any experience in the bedroom, maybe once or twice with a one nighter, which he will not talk about, for reasons… It’s more of the fact that he had to learn things and is more prone to wanting to do everything he does with such a talent, it’ll leave them breathless. He loves to try new things, after all! ;) Unless reasons.

He’s amazingly smart and will be able to tell if someone is using him or taking him for granted. Though, he will allow it to pass for a while, believing that they just don’t know better or believing they’ll change given time! 

However, his patiences is run thin when even his Brother tries to keep him sheltered. He’s not blind to things like that, he sees it. He gets angry with it. Some fights will even come from it given the subject or mood both brothers are in; But still, it doesn’t change his brothers views at all. And that-.. Can kind of ruin his mood for a good while.

Above all, this dude is just purely; Considerate, Caring, Observant, Hyperactive, Goofy, Manipulative, Possessive, and might be a bit pervy when behind closed doors.

Blues Soul Trait Is; Patiences!   Like his Cyan color, he is amazingly patient with a LOT of things… Being so positive does have it’s downside though, and that tends to make his eccentric side shine a bit more…

US!Papyrus/Stretch; Hnnng, this is a hard one because all I’ve ever seen of this boy is how ultra overprotective and how much of an asshole he can be??? Like, I just. I really can’t for him? But i’m going to try.

Much like UT!Sans, he is very laid back and relaxed. He has a good bit of paranoia, some obsessive behavior, and minor possessive traits he shares with his little brother; But, he plays it all off with a chill atmosphere. 

He’s more prone to picking someone's brain apart and putting it back together to know exactly what's up and going; Sometimes it’ll even come off as rude, but nothing too hostile. 

He enjoys to prank the every loving fuck out of everyone and anyone; That's his form of puns. Jokes and japes are his favorite. I do know he enjoys to gross people out or even disturb them a little bit with gross pranks.

...Honestly, that is all I really have for this fellow. Really; I just want to call him an ass. ndskjgh If I can come up with something different, I will come back and redo this; But for now-... I just can’t get over my high horse in saying he’s an absolute fucker...

Stretch’s Soul Trait is; Justice with Bravery!   It’s a mixture between the two, both fighting for the main trait. It’s why his color is a Honey glow!

HorrorTale;

Please, someone tell me where these names come from; I’m not lazy or anything, but I read so many fanfics now that I can’t recall who came up with what names anymore; But I absolutely adored these more than Axe and Crooks; Which are more of names I can see as insults? So, I can see the other AU’s calling them that... But what they prefer to be called? Mars and Jupiter FTW! 

HT!Sans/Mars; He’s actually a very relaxed version of his old self. He can’t get too startled or else he may go into a panic. Due to his head injury, his reaction time is slowed down. It hurts when he thinks too hard, so he’s more just allowing everything to flow past him.

Forget and Forgive is what he goes by anymore. Somedays, that saying is hard; Only when the memories begin to turn and rupture in his mind like crashing waves does he feel the need to try and get himself to cook or work on easy projects to help ease distract himself. 

He’s forgetful, so Mars has to constantly write himself notes when he can; In his phone, on stickynotes, random pieces of paper, hell; He even carries a small notepad just in case something happens. His brother has the better memory, so he’ll ask Jupiter to recall something for him- Sometimes it’s repeated to the point Jupiter will gently remind his brother that; “Yes, You Have Told Me Already, Don’t Worry So Much! I Got Your Back, Brother!”

He’s quiet, spacey, but still holds his smarts to an extent. His mental ability is a bit staggered; But he doesn’t get violent or hostile unless its triggered by something... That something is if he holds wet meat that gives for too long, or the heavy scent of copper roams in the room for more than desired. 

He might have a bit of animalistic instincts piled into him due to what he ate back to survive... But it’s not like he had a choice, or the others. He knows that all he needs is Food; To get food, to gain food, for him and his brother. To take care of his kin when he has his episodes; All he can think about is Food, Food, Food.

So, what Mars’ personality holds?; Easy-going, Chill, Relaxed, Skittish; Please don’t startle the poor dude, Empathetic, Closed off.

Mars’ Soul Trait Color Is; Dulled Integrity.   Due to all the stress his universe gave him, he is dulled and almost void from have losing his Hope. Feelings of betrayal has seeped into his Soul, causing his once brilliant Soul to dim to a sick and pale blue.

HT!Papyrus/Jupiter; He is still his Glorious old self; But yet with an aura of both Maturity and Self awareness, he has turned into his shell quite a bit, much like his brother. He hates scaring others, and just wishes to enjoy his new life! But how can he do that when-... No, he will enjoy his new life!

Jupiter, the ever once Social butterfly, now is more closed off from others. He will still actively begin to open up faster than his brother if someone shows they don’t fear him; But he will remain distant if someone so much as stares at him wrong or hears that someone dislikes him just because of his looks or he’s intimidating. 

Yes, he has had dental work done on his crooked teeth. And yes, that had helped him gain more of his confidence back. However, he can’t help but always flinch at loud noises as they grate his hearing, squint even with his glasses to try and get his magic to focus in his sockets, and even to the point that he’s more prone to-... Walk, maybe too quietly for a lot of people to notice.

It’s not his fault his magic makes his bones lighter to stealth around... It was a need and a must back in the Underground, after all!

With his need to keep his mind distracted and preoccupied, he stays away from his signature dish unless absolutely need be. The smell can send his Soul flaring-... With the need to continue to cook and the absolute need to make it perfected. Most times if he cooks his Spaghetti, he has to hurry up and cook something completely new, just so it mixes with the scent and doesn’t send him spiralling to cook everything in the house for a huge feast.

His personality consist of; OCD, Quiet, Perceptive, Considerate, Easily Joyful, Excitable, Can become controlling; For good reasons though!

Jupiters Soul Trait Is; Dulled Bravery.   Much like his own brother, betrayal has dimmed his once glorious Soul... It’s no longer the vibrant Orange it once was; But that was alright! Because now, he neither fears nor wants to stand up to most things. Unless pushed, he will stay where he is; Content in the space. 

It’s safe. All safe. Just stay put and it’s all safe. Safe, Safe, Safe.

Thanks for asking, Darlin’! Some of these might change in the future, because I never gave any of them a real chance to shine in my mind; But I feel like I’m on the right track! ♥ 

If memory serves right, the Horrortale brothers are heavily reference from Lulu-Writes; Bones, Picked Clean. But I might be wrong!! So let me know if I am!

[xo-dailypier-blog]

this is not a recap;

     hey cumguzzlers,

It has come to my attention that Lady X took it upon herself to rate the nether regions of the men of Santa Monica. Unfortunately her assessment was BIASED and hardly based on facts. So as a JOURNALIST, I have taken it upon myself to get to the TRUTH. Today will be a Top 9 list of the men in this town, and their BEDROOM PERFORMANCES.

I’m not revealing actual sizes, because I firmly believe that it’s all about the motion of the ocean. And if you think I’m giving a run down on every SCRUB in this town, you’re out of your mind! I WISH I could have made this a Top 10 but most of the guys on Lady X’s assessment, have already been exposed in the fuck hut tapes during Summer Crush, and honestly? Don’t even make the cut for the top 5. Like, we KNOW the #DemonDick is low-key worth the hype (BUT YOU SHOULD STAY AWAY FROM IT BECAUSE HELLO? IT RUINED TWO RELATIONSHIPS IN LIKE THE SPAN OF A DAY! AND IM SURE THE BUCK DOESNT STOP THERE!), and we GET IT, Adam has a massive ROD, and I’m sure (Power Top) Asher, his brother, isn’t that far off. Vic IS well endowed AND can make things EROTIC. And we all know about Jack, who is also well endowed but has, like, erectile dysfunction or whatever. Oh, and don’t forget Daddy Sorrentino is obvs a beast in the sheets, but I’ve been telling you guys that since, like, ever. And I’m honestly on a Jamie/Cunty Sabbatical atm, they’re going through a difficult time after Cunty cheated, so who really needs their dick-info broadcasted on top of all that, ya know? (Cunty deff comes in at an alleged 9 inches, which is bigger than Jamie, BUT he (Cunty) never uses his junk on Jamie because, like Asher, Jamie is a Power Top. (but you didn’t hear this from me). Look, if any guy is left off the list that you have interest in, like, just ask Phobe. I’m sure she’ll know.

But before we get started, Congratulations are in order! You guys voted on Hottie of the Moment, and we have a winner!

It’s none other than Miss Fraudi Zirconium herself (@heidistarks​) The queen of bargains has stormed onto the scene in her Wild Fable Couture and has CAPTIVATED the hearts of all Santa Monicans. In honor of her win, I am giving everyone a $25 gift card to Claire’s! If you go to their website and use offer code SharkThot, you too, can get the Heidi Look. When asked about her recent accomplishment she had this to say:

"It's about fucking time." - Fraudi Zirconium Stark, 2019

Congratulations, again Fraudi! You go girl, work that Forever 21 tracksuit, bitch!

NINE - ALEC CLARKE @alecxclarke​

One of the wangs in question that Lady X TOUCHED ON was Alec Clarke. She mentioned that Alec was more than likely LACKING in the his SOUTHERN MEAT DEPARTMENT. So obvs i had a BONE to pick with this assessment because Alec’s fan base is GETTING UP there with Jamie Carter’s so we have to know what he got in them jeans. Sadly ... while his junk is fine. His way around the bedroom is is abysmal, I honestly thought it was a PHALL-ACY but one girl who is one of his past flings, wrote to me after seeing Lady X’s post. She has asked to remain anonymous...

Hey DP (and Lady X),

I saw your post about Alec and you’re wrong about his size. He’s actually pretty girthy and lengthy or whatever. But he is honestly one of my worst encounters. We met on a dating app, that shall remain nameless. So fast forward to sexy time, and once we started making out it was a tragedy! No tongue, no passion. It was like kissing a mcfucking corpse! His lips were like, so dry, but, whatever, that’s not the problem. Once I started giving him a blow jay he just randomly burst into tears, and said he couldn’t do it anymore, and asked if I wanted to play fucking Yahtzee. I left and bought Listerine. I think you should look into if he is like this with all the girls, instead of his size. Bc that’s the real tea. Anyways, Love the Blog! Kisses!

Its always such a disappointment when this happens. OBVIOUSLY our HoneyBun Alec has some issues to work on. I know he has a Crazy life but I didn’t think things were this HARD for him.

Overall Rating: N/A

Favorite Position: Again, N/A. I could hardly find girls who’ve had sex with him ................. INCHresting. (Ok, that was the last one).

Downside: I mean, Hello? He breaks out in tears mid-coitus! He IS the downside!

Alec! Write into us with your side of the story! I prom (half a promise) that I won’t believe the rumors. Love ya, Honey Bun!

EIGHT - SKYLER DAVIS @skylerxdavis​

No idea where Lady X got the idea that he had the biggest LOVE MISSLE in town, but it is absolutely FALSE. And in fact, what I’ve heard about his performance in the bedzzzZzZzZzzzzzzzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZzZzZzzzz ZzzzzZzzzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZz

Overall Rating: zzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZz

Favorite Position: zzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZzzzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZz

Downside: zzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZzzzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZz zzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZzzzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZz zzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZzzzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZz zzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZzzzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZz zzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZzzzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZz

Alleged Body Count: zzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZz

SEVEN - NOAH SINCLAIR @nhsinclair​

So next on the list is Noah Sinclair. This one will be brief, because it really threw me for a loop. So I’m sorry to report, that Noah has a Chode. I know. I’m actually crying while typing this but this is only the word on the street, so take it with a grain of salt.

“Darla” (fake name) wrote in to my blog to refute Lady X’s claims. She writes:

I’ve had half way sex with Noah one time and when he dropped his pants I literally laughed. Not to body shame or whatever, but I, like, couldn’t have sex with him because the condom didn’t fit. Sorry, didn’t have a Trojan Jr readily available? He’s good with his hands though.

So Noah has made the list in a sad and unfortunate entry. So ladies if you want Noah to DIP his NUGGET in YOUR sauce, you better make your move!

Maybe this is why he got that divorce. Ugh, poor Natasha. Let’s hope this is all a rumor, I would hate for it to be true.

Overall Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️ (The hand thing is kind of important).

Favorite Position: Noah’s Nugget Number (No clue what this means, ask Diana or Natasha).

Downside: There is no downside if you, like myself, are privy to a good Nugget or two. #RanchPlease

MOVING ON!

SIX - LOGAN LANCASTER @loganlancaster​

Our next entry is none other than Long Dick Logan Lancaster. According to Lady X, Logan is average. Well I’m here to let you know that, thankfully, LDL lives up to his name (no nuggets here!). But you guys would have to get with him to truly find out how #blessed he is.

Overall Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Favorite Position: Alligator Fuckhouse, according to sources. (DON’T Google it, live in ignorance).

Downside: The only reason, ya boi has gotten 4 stars instead of 5 is because of the rumors surrounding his hygiene. As we know, there’s been a debate on the internet about washing your legs. And Logan, an able bodied man, doesn’t do that. Nor does he take showers the way that he should. Many girls who’ve been with him have complained of smelling the stinch of onions and mildew while ENGAGING with him. Others have complained of a SALTY taste while going down on him. Most of the girls he’s BANGED have all been in the junkyard of his Auto Shop or whatever so maybe it’s a fetish for them? That’s no excuse for bringing that nasty ass behavior to every other girl in Santa Monica.

Thankfully a bunch of you have been sending body wash to his shop, so maybe we can LanCAST the mustiness away (If this is true).

Logan, please write in, I need to know the truth. But other than that, the dick is BOMB! But make sure you don’t over-do it on B.J. part though, sodium intake is v important and you wouldn’t want to get hypertension suckling on his salty ass COCK.

FIVE - EMRE YOGIOH @emre--yavuz

Ok, so next on the list is Emre Yugoslavia (or whatever his name is). Ok so ... buckle in ladies.

Overall Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Favorite Position: The Lion King (I’m serious, don’t Google these things).

Downside: Ok, so Emre is supposedly into bondage. Which totally makes sense since he’s like, repressed from childhood. The whole missing sister thing really took a toll on his psych, since he’s parents totes forgot about him. Now he YEARNS for control. So the word is that he’s basically Christian Grey but not a literal abuser. He’s into bondage, slapping, SPITTING, choking, flogging, and whips and chains EXCITE HIM. An S&M Daddy! Now the only reason this is in the Downside section is because it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. Some girls find it disturbing, and others are totes into it. I’m the latter! Sign me the FUCK up! Choke me with those strong REPRESSED hands.

I noticed he and Olivia have been friendly recently, let’s hope she knows that she’ll be walking side to side after a night with him (no, but like, because of the flogging, not the dick). Once he’s done with those spread sheets at his hoity-toity big boy job, spread sheets take on a whole new meaning once the dawn comes. You go Emre Yahooligan! #callme

FOUR - DEVIN FLORES @devinxflores

First of all, I just want to give a big thanks to all of you for letting me call him Devin TORRES for the past few MONTHS like a complete MORON! I really appreciate you guys letting me disgrace the future KING of Santa Monica in such a terrible way! No really, you guys are the best. I love my fans <3.

Anyways, it’s well known that Devin and his Alaskan Bull Worm have burrowed through the city. Both the men and women alike have survived the DF experience, with ZERO complaints .... well, except for one ...

Overall Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Favorite Position: The Charizard (ONCE again, don’t Google. Just know that it involves fire ... And we aint talking about lighting no candles (which he allegedly seems to enjoy, how romantic!)).

Downside: As we have witnessed, Devin is a complete and total klutz! He is always getting himself into a bullshit that is literally all his fault. Didn’t he glue something to his head a few weeks ago -- actually, you know what? That’s not important. What I was getting at is, the main complaint about DaddyDevinFLORES is that during SACX the klutz JUMPS OUT. He has been rumored to have smacked his head on the headboard whilst switching positions (causing him to go UNCONSCIOUS for SEVERAL HOURS, which completely RUINS the mood). One of his Encounters even claimed that during a Romantic Toast of Wine, he clinked the glass so hard it broke and and SHARDS of GLASS went into his hands, causing him to bleed INSTANTLY. What the fuck, Devin?

How could someone who can handle balls so well out on the soccer court, not be able to handle them in the bedroom without accidentally falling out of a window in the process?

Ladies and Gents, much like Emre, Devin will have you walking Side to Side, but if it happens you might be suffering from brain damage after falling in the shower whilst trying to have sex with him. Please seek professional help immediately.

THREE - BERNBERN<3 @carverberncrd

Coming in at Number 3 is none other than Heidi’s personal play thing! We’ve seen his bulge through his Under Armour spanks, so Of Course I had to do a little research to find out the Lipton on HIS heat-seeker. I’ve reached out to his past flings and came to a general consensus.

Overall Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

The women I interviewed all confirmed he is an excellent LAY, so once again, I was right. BernBern<3 outsold your favs.

Favorite Position: Doggystyle (obvi)

Downside: He’s a Taurus so while he will indeed fuck you into a state of paralysis, it’s only to reach his Hedonistic Quota for the evening. He probs won’t even remember your name once he’s done, let alone learn it in the first place. So don’t get attached<3.

His star sign also explains his relationship with Fraudi. Not only are they both so annoyingly stubborn, but Two tops can rarely make it in a relationship. Just ask Ash — never mind. (Omg, btw Idk WHY everyone keeps asking. YES, the rumors are true! BernBern<3 gets pegged, but only by Heidi, it’s actually a testament to his masculinity and how he’s reached the apex of it at this point. But this is all old tea. So I guess Julian isn’t the only #DemonDick in the Stark Fam, Surprise?). Anyways, I ship them, but they get on my fucking nerves! They can’t even admit their undying love for each other, which is so obvious. But this isn’t about #Berni (working ship name), BernBern<3 has a massive COCK (and heart) and it has landed itself on the Top of the list.

TWO - SINRIQUE @itsenriqueaguilar

This one came as a surprise to me because I have no idea who this is. But yalls asses do! So here we have Enrique Aguilar, coming in at number 2 because of the OUTPOUR of receipts on the TALLY WACK ATTACK that he PACKS.

Overall Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Favorite Position: You know, there wasn’t a general consensus, he’s a man FULL of surprises.

Downside: No, you don’t understand, there is literally no downside. Look, here is a letter from one of the women he’s slept with. For reasons, you will understand REAL soon, this person has been kept anonymous.

Dear DP,

It’s been approximately 1 year, two months, 9 days, 5 hours, and 46 seconds since I Locked Eyes with Enrique from across a crowded room. That night would go to be on of the most invigorating, tantalizing, and romantic experiences of my life. But when I woke up the following morning HE was gone. I long for the day I see him again. My heart Aches at the thought of him with another women. Giving her the same love that HE gave to ME. I need you to understand that I was a grade A student at my university (4.0). I had an paid internship at an elite institution that OWULD HAVE LED ME INTO A PROMISING CAREER! BUT AFTER THAT NIGHT I BECAME RAVENOUS. I NEEDED MORE. AND IT CONSUMED ME! EVENTUALLY I LOST MY INTERN BECAUSE I STOPPED SHOWING UP! I FLUNKED OUT OF SCHOOL BECAUSE I DIDN’T CARE ANYMORE. I SEARCHED YOU ON ALL SOCIAL MEDIA BUT I COULDN’T FIND YOU! ENRIQUE I NEED YOU BACK IN MY LIFE! JUST FOR ONE MORE NIGHT! PEASE I KNOW YOU’RE OUT THERE! CALL ME AT [redacted]

Obviously Ivy, sent this in ... kidding (But honestly though? They did used to date, which ... yikes ... Good to know Daddy Rique has no standards, maybe we all have a chance. #shade #clapback #scalpt)

Anyways, I’ll have to keep an eye on this one, he seems to have a good head on his shoulders ... AND good head on his shoulders OKURRRRRR!!!

ONE - SEBASTIAN DELGADO @bashdelgado

That nerd that sat in the back of the classroom brainstorm his next nerdy ass invention with high-watered khakis, and orthopedic shoes in like, the ninth grade (because he was focused on Arch Support???????). That’s him, Sebastian Delgado. And Baby Daddy Bash has DITCHED the NERD LOOK and is now ready to SNATCH YOUR CAT BACK.

I’m sure everyone is just surprised as I am. But hey, they don’t call him “Bash” for nothing (except for the fact that it’s a shortened version of his name). He’s totes Bashing Puss with his MONSTROUS MEAT TRUNCHEON (and Buss?? Sebastian contact me about your sexuality).  

Overall Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Favorite Position: Missionary, he’s a man of passion and likes to stare DEEP into your eyes. #swoon #romantic #westan

Downside: Well if you HATE Love and AFFECTION, this one is not the one for you. Not only does he have a GINORMOUS, UN-NUGGETED MEAT SEPTOR/LAP ROCKET/VAGINA MINER, which, by the way, last a LONG time, He is EXCELLENT BOYFRIEND Material! He’s caring, patient, kind, resourceful, loyal, and he is well on his way to becoming a multi-millionaire -- which is NOT the reason he is number one! Money is not the goal here ladies (and guys? Seriously Sebastian, I need to know what’s up).  

Sebastian is the complete package and he has ALL of the other guys in this town QUAKING!

So Stan A True Man. Stan .... Sebastian.

And that, my friends, ends the TRUE tea on the wangs in this town. This was fun while it lasted, but I have some COCKtails that need my attention (ok, maybe THAT was the last one).

xo, DP

[la-paritalienne]

since someone asked you to do a song by song review of nfr, would you do the same with lover?💗

ooohhhhhh gladlyyyyy! thank you so much for asking. 

i’ll be honest, there’s some songs in this album i’m completely obsessed with and some others that i don’t really like, so the review it’s bound to be less flattering than the one i did for nfr, but also i guess more interesting?? also i’m pretty sure that by listening again to the songs i’d ‘crossed out’ i’ll like them more – it’s normally like that with taylor’s songs to me, they get stuck in my head after a while. soooo, let’s get to it.

i forgot that you existed: lyrically it’s quite goooood, and it represents such a distinct feeling, ‘so nice’, as she says. i also really love the beat! strangely the thing i like less and that makes the song one of those that i’m indifferent to is the chorus. a cute opener but could have been amazing w a more poignant chorus, maybe? fave lyrics: in my feelings more than drake

6,5/10

cruel summer: KILL ME. everything in this song is just perfect. the sound, the lyrics, her voice… is gives me chills everywhere and brings me to tears. like it could be one of my favourite songs of 2019 and definitely destined to become an everlasting obsession of mine. fave lyrics: fever dream high in the quiet of the night you know that i caught it and of course i scream ‘for whatever it’s worth, i love you ain’t that the worst thing you ever heard?’

100/10

lover: pure beauty. it starts sounding like a slow dance, but it also contains the iconic ladies and gentlemen part which adds a touch of fun + the the swear to be overdramatic and true to my lover, all’s well that ends well to end up with you. ughhh. it’s hard to pick a favourite line bc the lyrics are so sweet, pure, straight to the heart and i’m crying again soooo. a fave. fave lyrics: i’ve loved you three summers now honey, but i want them all. can i go where you go? can we always be this close?

10/10

the man: the beat is cool and the lyrics are super meaningful (ok she’s a white and privileged woman but still… every woman knows what it’s like to always feel like she’ll come second if a man is running too). overall it’s not my fave, again, something about the chorus i think? still a very good one. fave lyrics: let the players play, i’d be just like leo in saint tropez

7,5/10

the archer: the lyrics are really piercing, although the song didn’t stick w the first few listens… i’m listening again as i type and it’s growing on me. still not my fave, but the words are kind of blowing my mind. fave lyrics: who could ever leave me darling? but who could stay?

7,5/10

i think he knows: a fun one, cute and easy. i like the verses more than i like the pre-chorus and chorus. fave lyrics: want to see what’s under that attitude

7/10

miss americana and the heartbreak prince: this one transports me to somewhere i’ve never been. whether is veiled political commentary or a high school fairytale gone slightly sour, i adore it. fun fact: the ‘okay!’ makes me think of avril lavigne from like… my days. this one has got that sound that just gets under your skin, i feel. big yes. fave lyrics: voted most likely to run away with you

10/10

paper rings: a mega jam but also super romantic and kinda moving underneath the funky beat. the only downside for me is when he says ‘baby boy’, it makes me cringe so much gjfjfkgkgk, a shame bc otherwise this would be one of my favorites. i mean, it still is i guess but that’s my two cents! fave lyrics: i hate accidents except when we went from friends to this

8/10

cornelia street: this hits hard. like… she tackles that specific kind of emotion and it feels relatable even if it’s technically not something you’ve lived but like… i guess it makes you empathise or project and just… fills your heart. fave lyrics: and baby, i get mystified by how this city screams your name, and baby, i’m so terrified of if you ever walk away 

9,5/10

death by a thousand cuts: i have to admit this is only my second time listening to this one, bc it didn’t really struck me the first time, but let’s see… the refrain is super cool and the imagery is quite strong. still not the biggest fan, i have to say. fave lyrics: i take the long way home, i ask the traffic lights if it’ll be alright, they say “i don’t know”

6/10

london boy: nothing really special about this one to me. it’s catchy tho! fave lyrics: they say home is where the heart is, but that’s not where mine lives

5,5/10

soon you’ll get better: sosososo sad and definitely moving, but not my cup of tea tbh! fave lyrics: i’ll paint the kitchen neon, i’ll brighten up the skyi know i’ll never get it, there’s not a day that i won’t try

5/10

false god: YES TO EVERYTHING. it’s one those love songs that you feel if your throat more than anywhere else. i mean, i do at least. it’s so subtly sexy and definitely not all about sex. every word hits the mark. i still do it for you / you still do it for me babe. the production, the sound… the saxophone… perfect. fave lyrics: but we might just get away with it, religion’s in your lips, even if it’s a false god

10/10

you need to calm down: look… the beat is nice, the lyrics are kind of meh (at best) but i appreciate the meaning like, the effort? i just think there were stronger singles that could have been chosen, but this one came with quite the strong marketing and video etc and at least the lgbt community was involved so, fine. fave lyrics: can you just not step on our gowns

4/10

afterglow: adore. i relate to this a lot, bc i always think i ruin my relationship by idk, talking too much, talking without thinking? but this one makes me feel like… true relationships (whether it’s love, friendship, fam) are meant to last beyond miscommunication. like, this is still very much of a love song, not a breakup song. i’m obsessed w the chorus and the bridge so so much (the bridge is the kind of thing i’d scream crying tbh), but anyway, fave lyrics: this ultraviolet morning light below tells me this love is worth the fight

10/10

me!: again, kind of a weak one to me, although not unjammable. fave lyrics: and when we had that fight out in the rain, you ran after me and called my name

5/10

it’s nice to have a friend: the purest. it’s so simple i don’t feel like listening to it 24/7 but it’s quality, imo. fave lyrics: call my bluff, call you ‘babe’, have my back, yeah, everyday, feels like home, stay in bed the whole weekend, it’s nice to have a friend

8/10

daylight: poetic, hopeful, positive. beautiful. perfect closer. fave lyrics: (the whole refrain, but): i’ve been sleeping so long in a twenty-year dark night, and now i see daylight 

9,5/10

let me know what you think, of course ♡

[cassie-and-ren]

Hi~

I really have no idea what this is, but I really couldn’t think of anything else and I figured it fit the time right now so… yeah… oh!

And a little a/n: I kind of thought the ending was excessive, and you all might as well, but I figured it was like a couple who had always been together whenever they went anywhere so even just a month felt like a long time… Maybe it’s just me to thinks it’s still kind of dramatic no matter what because I’m so used to it.

Also it might not make a lot of sense unless you read the other parts before this, but I think it’s fine, I won’t force you to read anything. Either way I still hope you’ll like it and…

Enjoy reading~

Word count: 1473

Have fun…

    So it was a week now before the Neo City Concert in North America, you were overly supportive to all of NCT as they would finally get to tour to other places. The only downside is that Mark would be gone for what would feel like forever. You two had grown so attached to each other that even eating alone felt strange, but you weren’t going to let that fill Mark’s head! You stayed positive and instead gave Mark a solution.

“Why don’t we just do everything we can together and that way we won’t have any problem with leaving each other!” Your offer seemed smart, and Mark was all for it too, so you two planned a whole day dedicated to just each other. Thankfully they didn’t need Mark this day so he was free to spend the night at your place which made it nice since you normally didn’t wake up with anyone in your bed beside you, and seeing Mark peacefully sleeping there you couldn’t help but smile seeing him.

    Even thought you had woken up to something to something that seemed to be pure luck. It was your bad luck that you two had slept in. You quickly woke up Mark saying that it was nearly the afternoon. You two decided to just eat while you were out and got dressed to be sure you still had enough time to visit all the places you wanted.

    By some unwilled fate, Haechan found you two and called out for your attention.

“You guys are kind of out here late,”

“Thanks, I didn’t notice Haechan.” You said. He laughed.

“What are you doing out?”

“I got bored with nothing to do, I didn’t think to find you guys out here, but I’ll go. I know my all grown up sister has a whole date planned out so I won’t ruin it.” You smiled to him.

“Thanks Haechan, when you guys get back we can hang out if you want.”

“Only if you’ll pay for everything.”

“Never mind.” You started dragging Mark off in another direction while Haechan laughed behind you.

“You know, I wish he’d stop calling you that.” Mark said.

“What?”

“His sister, it scares me to think that you guys could be related somehow.” You laughed.

“Haechan would be a great brother-in-law and you know it.”

“Yeah, but I’d also have to be victim to him for life.” You laughed and you two moved on about your date.

…

    As you were walking around you two passed by a dog cafe where Mark held the door open for someone leaving out with their dog. You cooed seeing the animal, the owner smiled and walked over to let you pet them.

“Is it a boy or girl?” The man smiled and happily said girl. “Oh, she’s so cute! Her spots are really adorable!” The man thanked you telling his dog the same and she panted happily in your direction. You smiled until he walked off.

“You really like dogs huh?” You smiled a bit.

“They’re just so cute!”

“Like me?” You looked off. “Come on!” You two left and since you were hungry now for some lunch. As you were getting your food, the place you two decided on had a favorite song of yours playing and you couldn’t help but dance a little. When Mark came back with your food, he laughed saying how well you actually danced.

“You know, we’re looking for backup dancers.” You laughed mockingly.

“I can’t dance first of all, and even if I could, I’d probably need your help through all of it.” He chuckled.

“Yeah, I’d probably make up any excuse I could to get close to you.” You two laughed.

“Don’t be gross.”

“I’m kidding.” As the song progressed Mark started singing along with it. You kept quiet wanting to hear all of him, the little bit he did sing was pretty much amazing to you. When he stopped he noticed you staring. “Why are you staring at me like that?”

“Because I’m telling you the “Mark Ballad” is what the world needs.” You said eating a bit of your food.

“It’s not up to me.” He said.

“But it should be~” You mused back, you and Mark argued for a little bit before letting things go and finishing up your lunch. Mark offered to pay and you just so happened to get a female waiter. You didn’t have any issue with females, but you did have an issue when they were clearly trying to flirt with Mark. You said nothing in the hopes you could just forget about it and enjoy the rest of your day with Mark. He didn’t seem to notice so you moved on despite how rude that woman was being.

…

    As you two walked around some more you passed a small shop.

“Hey, isn’t this the place where we went after I asked you out?” Mark said.

“You mean after I asked you out?”

“You always say that, do you really think you asked me out?” You closed your eyes.

“I’m just saying that’s how I remember it.” Mark let it go knowing where this talk led. “But yeah, it even still has those cheap promise rings you bought us.”

“That’s because I wanted to show you that I really liked you, how else was I supposed to get a kiss from you?” You smiled remembering it like it happened yesterday.

“Well I really didn’t know how’d you react, you’re supposed to be nervous with someone you really like, you want everything to be perfect and if it’s not you feel like they’ll leave otherwise.” You said.

“Who cares? Being perfect isn’t possible anyways.” You scoffed.

“Well I don’t mean to be rude, but there is a such thing as a perfect moment, one of which I’ve never been able to do properly thanks to things always wanted to screw me over.” Mark laughed.

“You meant not to be rude but then you go and insult yourself.” You smiled.

“It’s how it is sometimes.” Mark said nothing for a bit.

“Well, I think there aren’t perfect things… besides you.” You cringed only a little from that.

“Smooth.” He confidently spoke.

“I know, it’s what I do.” You laughed before you two moved from the shop knowing that by the time you got back to the dorm it’d be night time.

…

    In this time you two talked about things you’d be working on while not being around each other. You two tried to waste time by walking slower but eventually you’d reach the dorms and when you did you didn’t want to let Mark’s hand go.

    It seemed really silly right? To miss someone who would be coming back, but you couldn’t help and feel a bit of sadness that prevented you from fully being alright with Mark leaving. You already said your byes to the other members so you didn’t have to go inside. You and Mark stood outside for a little bit longer until Mark spoke to you.

“You’ll be okay right?”

“You’re telling me that? I should be saying that to you.”

“We’ve gone to America before so it’s not like it’ll be bad.”

“Yeah, but I’m not concerned about that, maybe I shouldn’t stay up watching mysteries about planes.” He laughed and agreed.

“Look, I’ll even call you when we land at every place.” You nodded.

“Even if you think I’m asleep, call me anyways.” He nodded, you then pulled him down into a hug. He hugged you just as tightly. “Hopefully I can last this month.” You said with a small giggle.

“Same.” He said relishing in your sent for a bit longer. When he pulled away you two realized you had to leave eventually. So Mark went first. “See you.” You smiled and waved to him.

“Yeah, see you.” Mark then left, you started to head home upset that he’d be leaving for any amount of time, but you were happy they’d be able to grow and see new places. So you’d supported them in any way you could, you just had to wait for Mark to come back...

I hope everyone who’s going to their concerts has lots of fun and I hope they do too! Since this is really the only way I can support them at the moment I really hope they and you all have fun and enjoy your time and give us lots of good memories!

Master list~

[talysings]

Recovery Interrupted

So I returned from the Sagolli, and I saw that the Ashen Enclave had their clinic open. Considering the state I was in physically, I decided it would be wise to have them give me a look-see. And I figured while I was there, I could ask about having a test run to see if I am able to have children.

I still don’t know whether I should have kits, whether from adopting or from pregnancy (assuming I am even able). I’ve thought about it in the past, but usually only a passing thought, as I was on the road so much. Lately, I think about it more often, as I’ve written before. But I also have concerns.

In the first place, if I decided to do something like this (and I’m only thinking, I’m not doing anything imminently), I would most likely be admitting that I am going to be alone for the rest of my life. I mean, I have friends, but I doubt anyone will be too interested in dating me if I have a kit at home. It’s not like they are knocking my door down to date me right now, after all. And if I was able to ruin things so spectacularly with Vylette, with whom I had so much in common, how likely is it that there is someone else out there who also wouldn’t mind an already-burgeoning family? So, by doing this, I would sort of be closing the door on the remote possibility that I might meet someone. I’m not sure I am ready to close that door yet.

Second, I am sort of questioning my motives. Yes, I’ve thought about children in the past. I think about them a lot in general—children, I mean. I think it’s because of the way I grew up. It’s why I donate to orphanages. I want them to have a better life than I had, to have better chances. I’m not criticizing my mum, she did everything she could for me. And I think . . . I think I could be a good mum. I know I’d really try. I know I’d love them. But . . . my question is, is the reason I’m thinking about this so much lately because I am afraid of being alone? Am I trying to plug a hole in my life by having a child? Thinking to myself, well, here’s someone who has to love me? I don’t think so, but  . . . it does seem like the kind of thing one might hide from oneself.

Third, I have obligations at the Palazzo. I’m not sure how they would feel about me being pregnant, which would clearly limit my performances for some time. I have responsibilities there. They might not feel like they could keep me on retainer if I can’t contribute. And without that, I would definitely have to go back on the road more often, which would also be difficult if I were pregnant. I don’t know, to be honest, I didn’t read the contract that closely when I signed it, which was probably unwise. I was just so excited to receive the offer.

So, I guess I have to figure things out before I make any decisions. But I wanted to know all the options, so I visited the Ashen Enclave, as I said at the beginning. S’hayla was there, which was nice, as I was nervous and she was a familiar face. And she and Abelaire, who I also know a little bit, took me to an exam room.

I told them I had been through some difficult physical experiences lately and wanted to make sure everything was in the same place. They checked me out and found I was super dehydrated, so they injected me with fluids, and gave me some vitamins and such. But, they found no permanent damage, which was a relief. They said I should go home and relax for a few days, no exertion until I ran out of the vitamins.

So I asked them to run the test. I explained that I had been assaulted when I was 14, and that it had not been treated at the time, so I wasn’t sure if permanent damage had been done. Abelaire offered to get a female chirurgeon if I would be more comfortable, but as S’hayla was there, and she was being so comforting, I felt all right about it—especially as the test wasn’t going to be long.

I’ve seen S’hayla around for ages. She goes to a lot of the same events as me. I have often thought about introducing myself, since I saw her so much, but of course that didn’t happen. However, since she brought Mana to meet Savo and I was there, she and I say hello to each other when we show up at the same place. So, better late than never, and it was nice that a friendly face was in the room for this test.

I won’t get the results back for a while. I guess I’ll have something to think about when they come in.

When I went upstairs, Fhey was in the atrium, no doubt trying to pull some sort of scam on the staff. With her was a tall, dark Keeper who I discovered was her sister Ayelle, in from the North Shroud. They were arguing about something. I didn’t get all the details. Fhey asked if I was headed home.

I had thought about dropping by Epoch to see Vylette play, but I thought she would be in the middle of her set by the time I got there. Also, although she came to see me before I left for the desert, I wasn’t sure how she would feel about me being in the audience. I decided to sit in the back so as not to be a distraction of any kind. I probably should have gone home, considering the instructions I had from the Ashen Order, but  . . .

I looked a sight. My skin was dry and peeling, I had sand encrusted on my clothes . . . I hoped I could find a dark corner, but I went. Fhey and Ayelle met me there. I gave Fhey some gil for drinks, but I just wanted water. Vylette was already playing, as I had feared. Her playing was magnificent, of course. She has a pretty devoted group that seems to show up every week, one of whom . . . well, maybe I’m wrong. But their gaze . . .

When Mai and I parted, I never saw her again. Not because I was avoiding her or anything, but we just never ran into each other again. I’ve never seen her at an event, or bumped into her on the street. Perhaps she went to Othard . . . I know she had things she wanted to deal with there. Maybe that’s why I’ve never seen her since. So I have no idea how it would feel to run into her after everything now. Would she be friendly, or bitter? Would I be either of those things?

I’ve seen Vylette twice since . . . well, since what happened. I wondered if after the desert I would feel differently toward her. It doesn’t seem like it, my heart still feels how it feels. Hopefully it’s easier for her. Sometimes, I wish I could get drunk.

So I made it home, took my vitamins and slept. When I got up, I spent the day doing a whole lot of nothing. I read, I napped, I ate, I drank soooo much water . . . I went into my hot spring outside and relaxed.

Now, for some people, this might sound really good. But I’m not used to being so inactive. I like to relax after doing something. Not training feels odd, for instance. Maybe I don’t want to be pregnant after all, considering the obvious limitations that would eventually place on my mobility.

I was suddenly attacked in my hot spring! Now, to give myself credit, between the noise of the water flowing in the hot spring itself, and the sound of the waterfall nearby, I did not hear them sneak up on me. It was Ayelle, and she was looking for Fhey, and for some reason was convinced I was hiding her. She threatened me with a sword.

I was not in the mood to be threatened at home. She had grabbed my hair and dragged me into the house, and I looked for opportunities to disarm her, which eventually presented themselves. We ended up scrapping all over my house—quite literally, there is mud everywhere, things are broken, everything was knocked out of place, my brand new mattress got ripped open and feathers are everywhere—it was bad. Finally, I gave her a dragon kick to the midriff and she sailed down the stairs into the basement.

I stumbled down to where she lay, and took away all her weapons. I tied her wrists, then set about treating her wounds. She had a fever, so I put a cold cloth on her head and changed it when it warmed up. I am no chirurgeon, but I know a few things from the battlefield, and from patching myself up on occasion. She had a gash on her head which I sewed up, and her shoulder was dislocated. I gave her a belt to bite down on, and popped it back into position. Then I gave her some fish soup and water.

I only did any of this because she was Fhey’s sister. I was now covered with scratches, and had needed to exert myself when I was supposed to be recovering. This means it will likely take me longer now to get ready for my trip to Meracydia. So I am annoyed with Ayelle for attacking me unprovoked, for not listening to reason, and for calling me a liar under my own roof, in addition to slowing me down in my pursuit of Regier by adding to my recovery time. Grrr.

Fhey showed up then, of course, because why not? I won’t get into details at this point, but it has something to do with a task Fhey’s people have for which they need her, and Fhey’s unwillingness to go and do it because they have treated her poorly in the past. I cleaned myself up and plopped onto my brand new, all-torn mattress and told them to work it out for themselves. And I went to sleep. They were gone when I woke up. I have a lot of clean up ahead of me.

Maybe there are downsides to having a family after all.

[goodproofingwater]

Wildfire Records: Breaking America - Chapter Six

Word count: 1904

Andy spent the best part of the rest of the night thinking about the interaction that had happened between his dad and Victoria. It was unheard of for anyone to stand up to his father. Even Josh and Danny has learned the hard way that his dad was not to be fucked with and they had joked at length about it. It was strange then that the redhead hadn’t even flinched, had dived headfirst into the lion's den simply because he had been rude.

What did it all mean? Andy was no longer under the illusion that Victoria secretly wanted him, that thought process had been 95% cocaine, but the passion with which she stood up to his dad was unlike anything he had ever seen. He was beginning to realise through the process of healing from an addiction just how much it had ruined his life, and in turn how much his father had influenced both how the drug habit had started and how it continued. All of his relationships when he was younger were scarred by the way his father treated him. Either he spoke to friends in the way his dad spoke to him and lost them that way, or he wouldn’t know how to act and would lose them out of sheer lack of contact.

Danny and Josh had been the only ones to stick around, the sandbox love never dying as they saw him for who he was and loved him for it. It seemed that Victoria now fell into that category too. Her willingness to accept him regardless of his flaws had been what had been why he had fallen in love with her to begin with, but the fact that she would stand up for him after everything he had put her through just solidified that it wasn’t love as he had thought it. It was the same love he felt when Josh said he was proud of a guitar riff Andy had written, the same love that he saw in Danny’s eyes the first time Andy had turned down that drink he knew would tip him over the edge, the love and respect that held them together as a band. It was all so new, but he was enjoying every second of these previously unexplored emotions.

Everything had been so black and white when he was on the drugs, now he was seeing layers of colour, each new day adding new depth to a rich tapestry.

It felt strange going back to the house as a group after a show, the five of them crammed into the back of an uber and stumbling into the house as they had done so many times before. It felt even weirder to watch Josh and Victoria walk into her room with only the smallest flutter of jealousy, the anger he used to feel completely rationalised now his mind wasn’t filled with such inflammatory thoughts of how Josh had somehow stolen her.

He still loved Victoria in a romantic way, a part of him would for a while considering she was the first he had ever felt like that about, but because of this love all he wanted was her happiness. As sad as it was to admit, Josh made her happier than he ever could done himself.

He walked up to the kitchen to pour himself some water and make a hot chocolate that would send him to sleep. The downside to being almost sober was that he had been so used to allowing the whiskey to knock him out at night and his insomnia was particularly strong.

As he boiled the milk, he heard soft footsteps and turned to see Victoria walking toward the kitchen in Josh’s hoody, two glasses in her hands.

“Making hot chocolate?” She smiled as she glanced at the cocoa powder that sat beside to hob, moving to the tap to fill up the glasses.

Andy found himself in the strange position of being somewhat starstruck. She looked gorgeous the way she was, hair up and makeup off, but it wasn’t that. It was the sheer affection that radiated from him as he considered what she had done for him earlier.

“Do you want one?” He asked and she licked her lips, nodding.

“Yes please…” She hopped up onto the counter as she watched him stir the milk, this new version of Andy so domestic that it was a sight to behold. She still hadn’t gotten used to him being sober, and she supposed that he would continue to change even further the more the cocaine left his system.

“Vic..” He started, feeling like there was a weight on his chest that he needed to relieve. How could he thank her? How could he put into words how amazing he thought she was for what she had done without it sounding like he was coming on to her? Would he be able to stop himself from coming on to her if they started down this road? He shook his head as he added cocoa powder to the milk, but instead of letting it go she slipped from the counter and leaned against the counter next to the hob.

“Go on, Andrew” she joked, and he couldn’t help but chuckle a little, ignoring the twist in his stomach from her calling him his full name.

“You really didn’t have to do that…” He gulped, looking from the pan to her eyes momentarily before they darted back down, “I mean.. My dad is an asshole but usually people just ignore him.”

Her brow furrowed as she watched how uncomfortable he was talking about his dad, and she wondered if she had done wrong by him in calling him out until she saw the small smile on his features at the end of his sentence.

“Well people shouldn’t,” She sipped her water as she watched him pour sugar into the hot chocolate, his slow and methodical stirring lulling her alcohol infused brain into an almost meditative state, “I wasn’t going to let someone stand there and talk shit about you, I don’t care who they are.”

Andy bit his lip,continuing to stir in silence for a few moments before moving the pan from the burner. He moved to wrap his arms around her waist, pulling her in and smiling as she rested her head on his chest, her small hands resting on his back. It had been too long since he had felt her this close, too long since he had been able to feel affection so pure.

“I did you so wrong, Vic..” He spoke, sighing and squeezing her a little tighter and she did the same, pulling back and allowing his strong hands to rest on her waist as she looked up into gorgeous brown eyes that she had once seen her future in.

“You did.” She nodded, “But that’s in the past now, alright? You’re my friend. We’ve been through a lot and we spoke so much about that asshole when we were together, I know what he does to you.” She moved her hands to rest on his shoulders, and she was glad that Josh had been too tired to even come to the kitchen. If he saw them like this he wouldn’t be happy, regardless of how innocent it actually was.

“You still didn’t have to--” She placed a finger on his lips to shh him, shaking her head with a small smile on her face.

“I did for you what I would do for any of my friends, standing up for them against something that causes them pain. I don’t care about what has happened between us, you still mean the world to me and you shouldn't let someone define your worth by things you have done in the past, especially when you’re doing so well to adapt” She couldn’t believe how much Andy’s eyes softened at her words, how his hands held her more delicately, his breathing becoming shallower.

“I--” He sighed, eyes never leaving her own as he shook his head, “Thank you. You-- You’re the only person that’s ever done that and I--I love you for it.”

Her breath hitched in her throat at the L word and he noticed, laughing a little and shaking his head, “N-no.. I mean I-- I do.. I did.. I don’t know..” He stumbled over his words and Victoria couldn’t help but smile, this new version of Andy so adorable that she almost wished this was the version she could have met in the first place.

Andy swallowed thickly as he tried to get the words out, tried to organise his thoughts and ensure this came out in the way that he wanted it to and in a way that wasn’t going to make her uncomfortable.

“I love you Vic… I think I have for a while.” He spoke, hurrying through so that look of confusion in her eyes would run away, “It’s..It’s different now to how it was then though. I love you like I love Josh and Danny, you’re..you’re kind of like family I guess.”

She let out a short breath, glad for his continuation. She wasn’t ready to deal with Andy confessing his love for her in a romantic way, but this she could deal with. She knew that he had trouble dealing with his emotions when he was on the drugs, so dealing with something so knew at the same time as going through recovery must be on a different level.

“Well I guess I love you like that too.” She smiled softly up at him, running her fingers softly through his red hair, a hand resting on his face as it had done so many times before. “I’m glad that we’re here now. It...It was horrible not being able to be close to you. I always enjoyed the friendship part of our relationship.”

He nodded, smiling down at her and fighting the urge to turn his face to kiss the palm of her hand. He was of course being truthful about the way he loved her, but there was still a part of him that was getting over her romantically, still a part of his heart which had jumped when she said she loved him even if she was basically confirming it was no longer romantic.

“We’re good like that,” He nodded, pulling her into another hug and sighing a little as he pressed his face to her hair, “I’m glad that you found it in you to forgive me…”

They stood there in each others arms for a moment, a solitary second of silence held between them as they let out breaths of relief. A conversation like this had been overdue.

“Well..” Victoria spoke, pulling back and taking the glasses of water, “I better get back to Josh, he’ll be wondering why it’s taken so long to turn the taps..”

“If he’s even awake,” Andy joked, pouring hot chocolate into two mugs and passing her one on a tray, “Here… to help you sleep.”

She placed the two glasses on the tray and then took it from him with a smile, desperately wanting to hug him again but knowing she needed to go.

“See you in the morning, Andy.” She smiled softly at him once more, turning and walking down the stairs, her heart feeling full for the first time in months.

[marvmacdonald]

“she's fucking impetuous and daring, a little too bold and way too fucking fearless.”

MARY MACDONALD is 21 years old and works as an JUNIOR AUROR and is loyal to THE OOTP they were an GRYFFINDOR and are a MUGGLEBORN. SHE look like CHRISTIAN SERRATOS. 

CHARACTER PARALLELS: jessica jones ( jessica jones ), leia organa ( star wars ), arya stark ( asoiaf ), johanna mason ( the hunger games ), nancy wheeler ( stranger things ), rosa diaz ( b99 ), ellie ( the last of us ), raven reyes ( the 100 ), kat edison ( the bold type ), nina zenik ( six of crows ) AESTHETIC: red lipstick stains on drained cups of tea, leather jackets, cigarette bums crushed under doc martens, sitting down in the shower and letting time pass by, always wearing your gold cross necklace, messy ponytails, beer burps, laughter that’s filled with desperation, jean dungarees, screaming in your pillow, mud stained clothes, denim on denim on denim. LINKS: stats. pinboard. character tag. playlist.

history

mary had a little lamb? WRONG. mary had a little calf. because she was born on a dairy farm in the highlands of scotland ( laugh at my joke pls i worked hard on it ). she was born third to two muggles – a scottish father and a mexican mother, who loved each other deeply – and would eventually become their middle child. she could have become overlooked, but mary never felt discounted at home: while her parents were very often busy with the cows, their love ran deep.

her youth consisted of this: running through fields of grass, attending a muggle elementary where people sang songs at her ( old macdonald had a farm and mary had a little lamb, the former of which was, of course, accurate ), playing with the animals, building tree houses with her brothers and sister and playing football every spare moment she got. it was good and simple and wholesome.

of course, strange things happened, as they tend to with muggleborns: she’d explode her brother’s toy when she got angry, or let things fly around the room when she was laughing. when she found out she was a witch at age eleven, things fell in its place. and the macdonalds, while traditional catholics, accepted mary, which is the most important thing of it all. her parents were shocked, yes, but they squeezed her shoulder and promised to discover this all together.

which?? very much influenced mary greatly? because it went against a lot of things they – and she, too – believed in. magic was deemed evil by the church they attended. everything about this was supposed to be wrong, but her parents shifted their views because their love for their daughter was greater than their desire to cling to all the rules the church laid down for them, this has allowed her to have a faith in people, and while she may be cynical and bitter at times, that faith is still there.

i mean --- her parents accepted her, they were capable of openmindedness despite being traditional people in most other situations. other people can too.

hogwarts was as chaotic as home, and mary settled in quite nicely. sorted into gryffindor ( she guessed it was for her rambunctious nature, but who knew ), she found herself a second home and loved it. as it turned out, she was rather good with a wand as well – she didn’t do so good at essays, though – and genuinely liked learning ( except for history of magic. fuck that. ).

being a muggleborn had its downsides, of course, but mary never really allowed herself to feel discouraged. hurt? yes, definitely, but never discouraged. she wasn’t going to let it get to her, she told herself, but it did, especially when the harsh words turned into something more. it was during her confrontation with mulciber that mary felt true, harsh fear for the first time. she felt shut down, paralysed, depressed —– but then, after a while, she got up and took some important steps. she reported mulciber, which led to nothing, which caused her to feel angry, which in turn caused her to feel determination. if the system wasn’t going to be on her side, she’d just have to fucking change it, right? mary started throwing herself in her schoolwork, determined to join the dmle – hopefully as an auror, but any position would do. she suppressed her fear and the trauma that was there, and kept her head straight.

this entire situation is up for change and stuff when/if we get a mulciber! 

graduation rolled around and mary got the five required NEWTs to even apply. it was a nervewracking process, but once she got into auror training, she cried. like. for a full ass day. she was so proud of herself and she felt so determined and !! man. it was such a good, defining moment. around the same time, mary joined the order; she knew the ministry was corrupt, and that it’d not allow her to do everything she wanted to, when the order DID. mary had too much anger, too much determination to fight this bullshit to just stick with the ministry, and so the order seemed like the right place.

it’s only recently that mary graduated from her training and became a junior auror. it’s ... infuriating, at times, but also amazing. she hates the ministry and most of the people in it, feels paranoid in those walls, but knows that there are good people, too. people who want to better that place, like she does.

kaz brekker voice: brick by brick, i will destroy you.

also --- mary is ... very quite involved in the war. her time is divided between the order and work, and her dog. she’s determined to get this war to end. she doesn’t even care if she destroys herself in the process --- what does her life mean, if she could help save numerous people?

so right now, she’s fighting. she’s gritting her teeth and keeping her goals in the back in her mind and is focusing. and she does not always feel brave or confident or self assured, but that does not matter: mary macdonald always gets the fuck back up, and that’s what she will keep doing until she’s completely knocked down.

personality & tidbits.

mary is a human espresso. she’s so. damn. bitter?? despite the fact that she keeps on going and that she’s fighting her ass off, she’s tired and angry that things don’t seem to be moving in the right direction, she’s feeling bitter about the fact that this kind of discrimination is happening right in front of her eyes and that she does not have enough power to stop it. she feels powerless, which makes her feel bitter, which makes her cynical.

still! mary is not necessarily a debbie downer to be around. she keeps her bitterness ( and hopelessness, even ) carefully hidden in boxes in her mind. on the outside, she’s filled with quips and smiles and quick comments! just a sociable bean, but just a bitter one.

is a dog person and will fight anyone who prefers cats. has a cairn terrier called bowie. she loves him more than anyone.

obsessed with tea, tbh. her ma always said that ‘there’s nothing a cuppa can’t fix’ and mary definitely agrees with this statement.

though is also a ‘whiskey in a teacup’ kinda gal

can be spotted wearing either a rly nice ass blazer or a jean jacket, no inbetween. either office-fancy or farmer-chique

fucking loves muggle culture and loves fellow muggleborns and !!!!!! she loves it!!!

very much in a take-no-prisoners mindset at this point re: death eaters. it kind of scares her, tbh, but mary is very much capable of murdering a death eater, even if she could stun them — she’s just done. she’s very. done. with them. and this whole shbang? will only feed into this.

mary is ruthless, that’s what it boils down to. she’s a lot more than that, of course, but she’s ruthless — in small things ( football matches & boardgames ) but also in bigger ones, and of course the war is the main way it shows. mary is so angry. she’s so angry and scared and tired of feeling that way and tired of being scared to lose people and herself and of death and she’s so angry that people really are this way and that they really do these things — she wants it to stop. she wants the world to be right. and sometimes she thinks the ends do justify the means.

this is why she’s chaotic neutral and not chaotic good.

like ive had her turned to dark arts before just bc she’s so desperate to. fucking win. tbh i’m sure she has a growing interest rn. stop it mary :(

and she’s also like — mary doesnt care if she ruins herself? if she becomes a bad person who’s unable to live with the shit she’s done? as long as the world is better for it, as long as kids can go to hogwarts and feel safe and the world is a safe place for everyone. what does her soul matter in the grand scheme of things? she’d burn in hell forever if it meant the rest of the world changed for the better.

emotionally driven mess of a being

is catholic but struggles a lot with religion and feeling faithful, but she does still identify is a catholic, it’s just? complicated. it’s rly complicated and she hates it.

is a bit flighty when it comes to romance, def has a lot of one night stands/fwb situations though??? she’s just like??? i dont have time for romance its a WAR

has been trying to stop smoking for five years, but alas

a proud scot. a proud latina. proud proud proud. such a fucking lionness.

mary was a beater during her time at hogwarts and was Highly competitive. threw herself into the sport tbh after the mulciber incident. she still thinks football is superior, but you know, it isnt in the air.

she’s pan and out of the closet --- something that did put a strain on her relationship with her family. ( the fact that they could accept her magic but not her sexuality ... baffles mary, but bigots have never been very reasonable. ) she’s not very open about it at home, but otherwise ... she’s out here lovin everyone.

plot ideas!

roomies —– so mary is not Earning A Whole Lot Right Now but does not want to live at home any more because 1. its in the middle of nowhere and 2. most importantly, she’s afraid of endangering her family. she needs roomies! i’d love for her to live in glasgow/edinburgh/london/idk a city!!!

hook ups/fwb’s/etc —– mary is what the old ppl call promiscuous and she sleeps around. so ! let’s talk! former hook ups! booty calls! friends with benefits! etc etc etc!

party pals —- mary likes going to pubs and clubs in the muggle part of town bc it is a LIT way to escape the reality of the wizarding world and also, muggle clubs have better music. come party w her!!!!

in the dragon’s den together —- fellow ministry employees who side eye the ministry and whom mary can sip tea and judge their colleagues with

mudbloods club —- mary loves her fellow muggleborns and i would love some muggleborn friends that she can be buds with. ranting about dumb pureblood names and traditions and the fact that wizards dont have movies

general friendship ideas —- im just going to a bunch of ideas here: hogwarts friends, ride or dies, order pals, friendly exes, fellow tea drinkers that she can go on coffee/tea dates with, friends who are growing apart bc of the war (my fave), etc.

etc —- some other ideas i want to spitball: purists who h8 on mary’s life, fellow diagon alley employees, fellow order members, Annoyances, there is solidarity in being scottish, ministry connections, etc etc etc HIT ME UP