#IM LIKE JK ROWLING BUT POOR

[korraavaatu]

can I make a formal request that people stop trying to add accents into their dialogue? I have no idea what accent you're even trying to accomplish most of the time AND it (at least as I've seen it lately on here) is like a shorthand for "not white" (with the only exception being some fucking white southern gone with the wind bs...). If you want to get another culture to come across in your writing, try slang or common sayings. Nothing makes me think southern like "y'all" or "bless your heart" (good and fine). And nothing makes me think that the writer is lazy like adding an accent when what you actually mean is "person of color" (bad and racist) because--even though you're writing fanfic, the reader apparently can't figure out who's talking unless you add that shit in

[rrcenic]

sorry for posting so much about the neil gaiman thing im very opinionated but heres my general take on neil gaiman (TW FOR S/A AND SU1C1D3!!!!)

good omens fandom please read this. yall need it

i wanna start with: believe victims. it might not be as bad as it was claimed to be bc the reporter was an anti bdsm terf who considers all bdsm 🍇 (including the bdsm w neil), but there was still clearly manipulation, weaponized power imbalance, and dubious consent. even if it wasnt s/a, it was fucked up. neil did some fucked up things

while we dont know if he actually s/ad those women, neil gaiman is clearly flawed

ive seen time and time again that his fans (specifically the good omens fandom) can get so viciously defensive of him that they refuse to see any flaws he has

as someone who was ruthlessly attacked because of neil, i hesitate to give him the benefit of the doub

when i had just turned 13, id just gotten on tumblr. i was thrilled that good omens season 2 was coming out. i was even more thrilled to see neil gaiman on tumblr. so i sent him an ask where i asked if crowley and aziraphale would kiss. i get why that was annoying. he probably got those asks all the time. but i worded it respectfully, and i was genuinely unaware that he was annoyed by this question

he responded to my ask with a multi paragraph callout post talking about how sick of this question he was. harsh, but not necessarily nefarious

the response wasnt the problem. it was that i got so many hate comments and death threats and people telling me i didnt deserve joy and i was ruining neils life and so many fucking anon "kys" asks that i had to quit tumblr. i tried to apologize to neil, i sent him countless apology asks where i begged him to ask people to stop cyber bullying me, but he never responded. it took years before i was able to communicate to him all the hate id received. his response was a basic "sorry for the miscommunication" and that he wished there was a way to convey tone on the internet (someone said "there is! tonetags!!" and he responded with "i dont like those"). the SAME COMMUNITY who told me to kms was suddenly saying "oh neil your such a saint" (THE TERM SAINT WAS USED MULTIPLE TIMES!!!!!) and "this poor ignorant child"

i was a kid and i was bullied off the internet and neil didnt respond to my pleas for forgiveness for almost 2 years. i was also in the most unstable time of my life. i was EXTREMELY suicidal. people telling me to kms deeply affected me

plus he reblogs a ton of "vote blue no matter who" stuff. i dont agree w that statement but i think its okay for people to say if they actively support palestine. but neil gaiman doesnt post about palestine ever other than reblogging posts that say "sure maybe the stuff in palestine is bad but if you dont support biden 100% democracy will crumble!!!" also im pretty sure he never apologized for some older zionist posts

ive seen a lot of stuff where people are saying "hey shhh its okay i see good omens fans getting sad bc of the stuff with neil but its ok!! youre still a good person even if you ignore this issue!!" and like. huh??? i dont think ignoring it makes you evil but its certainly fucked up to not be critical of the media you consume. pretending nothings going on is immature. you all sound like jk rowling fans smh

his general attitude towards fans makes me uncomfortable. ive seen people bare their souls in his asks (all of them start with something along the lines of "oh sir mister gaiman sir i am nothing but a disgusting peon compared to you you saved my life id die for you!!!") and he gives rude cold responses. i mean of course he gets annoyed and of course he gets spam but no one is forcing him to respond to asks. he doesnt seem to care very much??? this doesnt make him a bad person ofcourse but it does give me the ick

summary: even if he didnt s/a those women his fans need to grow up. he is not a pure perfect person. he might not be evil but he makes some extremely damaging choices. hes not a saint and never has been. at the end of the day, hes a rich cishet white man

[iosun]

im too tired to put this elegantly and also not exactly smart enough to be doing transfeminist breakdowns but it does drive me slightly insane seeing people talk about jk rowling as a poor victim of 'brainworms' or someone who was 'lead down the wrong path' instead of like. An active contributor to bigotry and leader of a global movement against trans women

[lockandkeyhyena]

Tricks up my sleeves took YEARS to be completed and they want to pretend they didn't know about the drama until now? After admitting they unfollow anyone who DARES bring up what shitty things ppl in the community are doing?? It's such BS what are yall talking abt them acting reasonably. Have any of you read the actual comment they made, there's a reason they're being so vague about "problematic" stuff the artists did because both drew CP and one of them STILL HAS A PLATFORM. If you replaced problematic artists in their comment with "people who sexualize children" it'd sound insane hence why they're being so vague and weird about it. It's pure manipulation folks!! Also they supported JK Rowling with a drawing for her birthday on twitter and said they "didn't agree with her views" but were still gonna support her. This is that same attitude but for people who did something that is literally ILLEGAL what do u mean reasonable this is one of the worst responses I've seen in my life??

They made it all about "poor me the internet is so mean just bc I put some bad people who did bad things [they rlly don't wanna mention what was actually done LMAO] Im a grown ass adult who thinks I shouldn't have any responsibility to protect my mostly child audience pwease tell me I sound reasonable." We are not rewriting this narrative to be nice to them come on guys.

Their care about the victims to these people is SO PISS POOR, they won't even add A WARNING A WARNING a sentence in the desc saying 'hey these two people suck don't watch if that would upset you'. Then at the same time are telling people to just not watch it if they don't like it? HOW??? IF YOU WON'T WARN THEM WHAT'S IN IT THEY CAN'T AVOID IT?? Almost like admitting they have two abusers in their map would be like... A bad look or something and they care abt that more than others safety or comfort.

Also they deleted my reply to their comment saying all this so no, they're not "being reasonable" this is purely and simply protecting the horrible artists who did that shit. Let's not play devil's advocate for ppl who draw CP please-

jesus christ calm down i was just giving my uninformed opinion on the situation because people asked. did you not see my reply adding that if they purposefully blocked people warning about dangerous people in the fandom, they have no right to complain when people point out that they have unsafe people in their map?

how the fuck did you jump from that to me ‘playing devils advocate for people who draw cp’???

if i sound defensive its because i. am. obviously.

[icaruspartharmony]

I accidently hit post the first time so TAKE 2 BLOG INTRO and EDIT HERE i do update this

Version 3.8, updated Jul. 13, 2024

-Racist, ableist ("dIFFeREnTly AbleD!" Counts as ableist btw), pro cop, zionist, or Xenophobic

Who am i??

Hi!! I'm Joey, Joseph, whatever, but Nik or Icarus are perfectly cool too :) my pronouns page is at the bottom if you wanna scroll down there, there's more info. I live in the United States

DNI

-Transmed, Truscum, Exclus

-Royed (FMA) bakudeku (MHA) shippers

-Transphobic ("CiS iS a SluR") or Homophobic (not agreeing with that lifestyle counts btw)

-"give me money please" centered blogs

-Conservative, or Pro-life, people who call others Narcissists as an insult

Fandoms i sit in

No. 6 (Manga)

NANBAKA (Anime and Manga)

Mp100 (anime)

BSD (Manga)

TPN (anime and manga)

Naruto, Shippuden, Boruto (Animes and mangas)

TBHK (Anime)

FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST (Anime and manga, half of 03 and brotherhood.)

The Owl House (show)

Gravity Falls (show)

Homesick, Weak Hero, Lost In Translation, Teenage Mercenary, Flawless, Windbreaker, Eleceed, Brimstone and Roses, City of Blank, Not So Shojo Love Story, Uriah (Webtoons)

Lookism (Webtoon and animated show)

I can talk movies and books 1-7(8) Harry Potter with you but i fucking loathe JK Rowling

Lord of heroes (game)

Haikyuu kinda (anime)

Hunter x Hunter (anime)

IDW Sonic (Comic)

Fruits Basket (Anime)

My Hero Academia (anime)

Dr. Stone (Manga and first season anime)

Howl's Moving Castle (Movie)

Sally Face (Watched Jacksepticeye play it through at ungodly hours of the night, through a podcast on spotify that did videos.)

I'm not a helluva boss/hazbin hotel superfan but i have watched it (Hazbin hotel pilot, know what happens in-series, keeping up with HB). Problematic media, but to each their own ig

Maybe a few more im forgetting

Stuff you might want to know

-this blog will contain swearing, maybe a sex joke here or there, some caps.

-spam likes and reblogs are 100% ok with me. I do that sometimes.

-if you fit my dni or if i fit your dni, i wont take it personal if u block me. Like if you've been my mutual for a year and suddenly block like maybe ill take it a little personal but dont feel obligated to interact or keep interacting.

-i can come off confrontational and as a jerk but im like a bug, im annoying and im more scared of you than you are of me

-im still learning. Everyone is always still learning. I request your patience in this trying time

-im not the brightest bulb in the box.

-i adore asks and questions because i am self centered

-i do take art reqs and i take them very well

-i have a huge interest in music and i do have a lot of character playlists on spotify! If you have a fic in a fandom i like that isn't pure smut, i will likely make you a playlist for it.

-most of my poor spelling and grammar is just set in for personality.

-do not imply or accuse me in that i am a pedophile. Try not make too many lighthearted pedophile jokes with me directly. I have intrusive thoughts and this will occasionally (and frequently) set them off. It's different if humor is your coping mechanism, I'm not gonna tell you how to cope.

Other socials

AO3: JoeyPartHarmony

Discord: JoeyPartHarmony

Spotify: Deeply Unserious1590

Pinterest: @.LivedAndWillMakeItTheBaneOfAll

Feel welcome to reach out at anytime! You're always welcome! Never a bother! Any questions you have are welcomed.

(Dazai's Bolo Tie :])

[lunatic-fandom-space]

This is kindof random but this is a thought ive had for a long time and I wanna share it

Why the fuck are there four hogwarts houses when two of them are blatantly irrelevant and the third one only exists to provide generic ass bully characters

When I was like 11 or 10 I watched the second or third harry potter movie with my class at school and it inspired to come up with a fantasy school story of my own. (Now the actual worldbuilding was more based on Winx Club and The School of Good and Evil which were basically the only other fantasy school stories i knew and liked at the time but whatever)

So i dreamt up my cool magic school and i did a house system just like in Harry Potter except there were only two: The Good One for all my typical goody two shoes protags and The Evim One for all my way more interesting edgy side characters that would inevitably join the main cast

Thats literally all you need. She shouldve made a fucking House of Light Magic and then a House of Dark Magic, thats way less nonsensical and pointless and I feel like its the way more obvious for a kids book (and dont give me that "oh shes british thats what the schools there are like" shit, only weird private british bording schools are like that and Im pretty sure those are expensive as hell and if I remember correctly JKRs family was never really well off so)

I was gonna end the post there but I gotta ramble abt something more personal as well

The reason i know abt JKs family being poor probably is that I was in a writing club/workshop type thing last in 2021 and during one of our biweekly meetings we just watched a documentary about her and all i took away from it was that JKR is so unimaginative of a writer that she could only come up with the concept of evil creatures that suck all the happiness out of you until you want to kill yourself after she experienced depression herself and like, not to brag but I actually came up with that exact same concept when I was like 8 and barely aware of both Harry Potter and what it meant to be unhappy

Am I saying that Im a better writer than Joanne K Rowling? Not when I was 8, but for sure now. Like, ive watched and read a shitton of Harry Potter reviews that include passages of her writing and its all just bad or mediocre and theres so much of it to the point where im like, ohhhhhhh i see why she got rejected from publishers 12 times. Do i realize that bad writing tends to get included in reviews more often because its fun to mock, thereby skewing my perception of her writing? Yes. Im still very confident Im better though. If you put me up against JK and went "both of you have a week to write a short story from scratch, any topic, any length" I would eviscerate that old woman until she starts crying and calling me transphobic slurs for sure

[lizardsexposed]

thing is, I think a lot of people on JK rowlings very spefific brand of transphobia a nd terfism is that actually it has absolutely shit all to do with trans people really.

thing is is that rly ppl like jk fear men. the problem is they just dont see transwomen as women, they see them as men and therefore fear them.

i think a part of this is somewhat their own latent misogny (who would want to be a woman) as well as some poor internalisation of their own trauma around being abused by men.

realistically i think if they had some therapy to deal with their specific traumas theyd be ok about trans ppl in the long run after they uninstalled their terfism

i think another side if this is specifically why they never talk about transmen. partly its cuz (and i believe jk thinking that she would have in this day an age maybe thought she was trans herself?) they see men are something to be desierable. they have power and are bigger, stronger, better. while women are vulerable, open to abuse and defenceless

tie this in with a smattering of not keeping up with what being progressive is. white women used to be acknlowedged as being descriminated against, through misogny. but the goal post has moved now. we recognise white women are pretty privledged actually and they cant rly accept that, cuz they still want to be winning the oppression olympics shit theyve set up in their own heads

idk im rambling but this weird brand of terfism is so wild to me cuz it rly has jack shit to do with trans ppl, which is another reason i just find their attempts to get me to hate transppl so pathetic

[thexander2020]

American Patriotism is becoming a unicorn patroness and the only way MAGA will learn is the hard way. Honestly, Im surprised they are allowed to speak their NAZI holocaust denying adjacent rhetoric where they mark in khakis and white t-shirts with Walmart tiki torches chanting "The Jews will not replace us" as if that's some huge revelation or that their march in the middle of nowhere is going to prevent that. I think nature and evolution will take care of that. Jews are like 2% of the population and the white Americans are 70% so I doubt they are replacing anyone.

Yet, here we are. Trump has lost his first indictment for the civil case. Then he got indicted on 37 accounts for literally taking nuclear codes, significant military top secret intelligence on USA strategies, field intelligence, and defense. He sold us out to the highest bidder and they were on the toilet in one of his bathrooms? Mar a Lago became a merry go round for foreign nationals and I dont like it very much.

In fact, I've never really liked him. Except circa 2011 when he was still a tacky gold one hit wonder. It was like a straight Liberace threw up King Midas on accident everywhere Ronald McDaniels Donald went.

But they were like 3 parts to an evil axis of powers determined to set the next 16+ years - 4 years = 12 years of terror upon us. Let use not be coy in thinking for the next cycle of who WHO WANTS TO BE AMERICAS NEXT TOP BOTTOM. We are down to the finals for the GOP and the DNC. The DNC appear to be going with Old Faithful, much to the chagrin of the progressive alliance. Thats only assuming they don't need Gavin doesn't need to step in with his Chariot. Where the hell did he come from anyway. Oh geez, another faux prog in liberal left of center sheets...errr, sheeps clothing. If he's president we will be sipping air through a measured oxygen mask and taxed on the carbon our body admits.

Then there's poor Kamala and Kevin, sitting in a tree, kissing, first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage. Kevin is not president material, but their plan is see through. Keep their slim majority in the house, they could have won bigger. and regain the Senate with Turkey Knecktucky as the Leader and 'Schmegle Gram or Ounce' was like..."see I knew we would get there, now lets impeach the son of a bitch. they wont know what hit em. or I could do Avadacadavra on him and be jk Rowling all the way to the bank."

[xo-dailypier-blog]

this is not a recap;

     hey cumguzzlers,

It has come to my attention that Lady X took it upon herself to rate the nether regions of the men of Santa Monica. Unfortunately her assessment was BIASED and hardly based on facts. So as a JOURNALIST, I have taken it upon myself to get to the TRUTH. Today will be a Top 9 list of the men in this town, and their BEDROOM PERFORMANCES.

I’m not revealing actual sizes, because I firmly believe that it’s all about the motion of the ocean. And if you think I’m giving a run down on every SCRUB in this town, you’re out of your mind! I WISH I could have made this a Top 10 but most of the guys on Lady X’s assessment, have already been exposed in the fuck hut tapes during Summer Crush, and honestly? Don’t even make the cut for the top 5. Like, we KNOW the #DemonDick is low-key worth the hype (BUT YOU SHOULD STAY AWAY FROM IT BECAUSE HELLO? IT RUINED TWO RELATIONSHIPS IN LIKE THE SPAN OF A DAY! AND IM SURE THE BUCK DOESNT STOP THERE!), and we GET IT, Adam has a massive ROD, and I’m sure (Power Top) Asher, his brother, isn’t that far off. Vic IS well endowed AND can make things EROTIC. And we all know about Jack, who is also well endowed but has, like, erectile dysfunction or whatever. Oh, and don’t forget Daddy Sorrentino is obvs a beast in the sheets, but I’ve been telling you guys that since, like, ever. And I’m honestly on a Jamie/Cunty Sabbatical atm, they’re going through a difficult time after Cunty cheated, so who really needs their dick-info broadcasted on top of all that, ya know? (Cunty deff comes in at an alleged 9 inches, which is bigger than Jamie, BUT he (Cunty) never uses his junk on Jamie because, like Asher, Jamie is a Power Top. (but you didn’t hear this from me). Look, if any guy is left off the list that you have interest in, like, just ask Phobe. I’m sure she’ll know.

But before we get started, Congratulations are in order! You guys voted on Hottie of the Moment, and we have a winner!

It’s none other than Miss Fraudi Zirconium herself (@heidistarks​) The queen of bargains has stormed onto the scene in her Wild Fable Couture and has CAPTIVATED the hearts of all Santa Monicans. In honor of her win, I am giving everyone a $25 gift card to Claire’s! If you go to their website and use offer code SharkThot, you too, can get the Heidi Look. When asked about her recent accomplishment she had this to say:

"It's about fucking time." - Fraudi Zirconium Stark, 2019

Congratulations, again Fraudi! You go girl, work that Forever 21 tracksuit, bitch!

NINE - ALEC CLARKE @alecxclarke​

One of the wangs in question that Lady X TOUCHED ON was Alec Clarke. She mentioned that Alec was more than likely LACKING in the his SOUTHERN MEAT DEPARTMENT. So obvs i had a BONE to pick with this assessment because Alec’s fan base is GETTING UP there with Jamie Carter’s so we have to know what he got in them jeans. Sadly ... while his junk is fine. His way around the bedroom is is abysmal, I honestly thought it was a PHALL-ACY but one girl who is one of his past flings, wrote to me after seeing Lady X’s post. She has asked to remain anonymous...

Hey DP (and Lady X),

I saw your post about Alec and you’re wrong about his size. He’s actually pretty girthy and lengthy or whatever. But he is honestly one of my worst encounters. We met on a dating app, that shall remain nameless. So fast forward to sexy time, and once we started making out it was a tragedy! No tongue, no passion. It was like kissing a mcfucking corpse! His lips were like, so dry, but, whatever, that’s not the problem. Once I started giving him a blow jay he just randomly burst into tears, and said he couldn’t do it anymore, and asked if I wanted to play fucking Yahtzee. I left and bought Listerine. I think you should look into if he is like this with all the girls, instead of his size. Bc that’s the real tea. Anyways, Love the Blog! Kisses!

Its always such a disappointment when this happens. OBVIOUSLY our HoneyBun Alec has some issues to work on. I know he has a Crazy life but I didn’t think things were this HARD for him.

Overall Rating: N/A

Favorite Position: Again, N/A. I could hardly find girls who’ve had sex with him ................. INCHresting. (Ok, that was the last one).

Downside: I mean, Hello? He breaks out in tears mid-coitus! He IS the downside!

Alec! Write into us with your side of the story! I prom (half a promise) that I won’t believe the rumors. Love ya, Honey Bun!

EIGHT - SKYLER DAVIS @skylerxdavis​

No idea where Lady X got the idea that he had the biggest LOVE MISSLE in town, but it is absolutely FALSE. And in fact, what I’ve heard about his performance in the bedzzzZzZzZzzzzzzzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZzZzZzzzz ZzzzzZzzzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZz

Overall Rating: zzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZz

Favorite Position: zzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZzzzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZz

Downside: zzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZzzzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZz zzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZzzzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZz zzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZzzzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZz zzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZzzzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZz zzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZzzzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZz

Alleged Body Count: zzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZz

SEVEN - NOAH SINCLAIR @nhsinclair​

So next on the list is Noah Sinclair. This one will be brief, because it really threw me for a loop. So I’m sorry to report, that Noah has a Chode. I know. I’m actually crying while typing this but this is only the word on the street, so take it with a grain of salt.

“Darla” (fake name) wrote in to my blog to refute Lady X’s claims. She writes:

I’ve had half way sex with Noah one time and when he dropped his pants I literally laughed. Not to body shame or whatever, but I, like, couldn’t have sex with him because the condom didn’t fit. Sorry, didn’t have a Trojan Jr readily available? He’s good with his hands though.

So Noah has made the list in a sad and unfortunate entry. So ladies if you want Noah to DIP his NUGGET in YOUR sauce, you better make your move!

Maybe this is why he got that divorce. Ugh, poor Natasha. Let’s hope this is all a rumor, I would hate for it to be true.

Overall Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️ (The hand thing is kind of important).

Favorite Position: Noah’s Nugget Number (No clue what this means, ask Diana or Natasha).

Downside: There is no downside if you, like myself, are privy to a good Nugget or two. #RanchPlease

MOVING ON!

SIX - LOGAN LANCASTER @loganlancaster​

Our next entry is none other than Long Dick Logan Lancaster. According to Lady X, Logan is average. Well I’m here to let you know that, thankfully, LDL lives up to his name (no nuggets here!). But you guys would have to get with him to truly find out how #blessed he is.

Overall Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Favorite Position: Alligator Fuckhouse, according to sources. (DON’T Google it, live in ignorance).

Downside: The only reason, ya boi has gotten 4 stars instead of 5 is because of the rumors surrounding his hygiene. As we know, there’s been a debate on the internet about washing your legs. And Logan, an able bodied man, doesn’t do that. Nor does he take showers the way that he should. Many girls who’ve been with him have complained of smelling the stinch of onions and mildew while ENGAGING with him. Others have complained of a SALTY taste while going down on him. Most of the girls he’s BANGED have all been in the junkyard of his Auto Shop or whatever so maybe it’s a fetish for them? That’s no excuse for bringing that nasty ass behavior to every other girl in Santa Monica.

Thankfully a bunch of you have been sending body wash to his shop, so maybe we can LanCAST the mustiness away (If this is true).

Logan, please write in, I need to know the truth. But other than that, the dick is BOMB! But make sure you don’t over-do it on B.J. part though, sodium intake is v important and you wouldn’t want to get hypertension suckling on his salty ass COCK.

FIVE - EMRE YOGIOH @emre--yavuz

Ok, so next on the list is Emre Yugoslavia (or whatever his name is). Ok so ... buckle in ladies.

Overall Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Favorite Position: The Lion King (I’m serious, don’t Google these things).

Downside: Ok, so Emre is supposedly into bondage. Which totally makes sense since he’s like, repressed from childhood. The whole missing sister thing really took a toll on his psych, since he’s parents totes forgot about him. Now he YEARNS for control. So the word is that he’s basically Christian Grey but not a literal abuser. He’s into bondage, slapping, SPITTING, choking, flogging, and whips and chains EXCITE HIM. An S&M Daddy! Now the only reason this is in the Downside section is because it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. Some girls find it disturbing, and others are totes into it. I’m the latter! Sign me the FUCK up! Choke me with those strong REPRESSED hands.

I noticed he and Olivia have been friendly recently, let’s hope she knows that she’ll be walking side to side after a night with him (no, but like, because of the flogging, not the dick). Once he’s done with those spread sheets at his hoity-toity big boy job, spread sheets take on a whole new meaning once the dawn comes. You go Emre Yahooligan! #callme

FOUR - DEVIN FLORES @devinxflores

First of all, I just want to give a big thanks to all of you for letting me call him Devin TORRES for the past few MONTHS like a complete MORON! I really appreciate you guys letting me disgrace the future KING of Santa Monica in such a terrible way! No really, you guys are the best. I love my fans <3.

Anyways, it’s well known that Devin and his Alaskan Bull Worm have burrowed through the city. Both the men and women alike have survived the DF experience, with ZERO complaints .... well, except for one ...

Overall Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Favorite Position: The Charizard (ONCE again, don’t Google. Just know that it involves fire ... And we aint talking about lighting no candles (which he allegedly seems to enjoy, how romantic!)).

Downside: As we have witnessed, Devin is a complete and total klutz! He is always getting himself into a bullshit that is literally all his fault. Didn’t he glue something to his head a few weeks ago -- actually, you know what? That’s not important. What I was getting at is, the main complaint about DaddyDevinFLORES is that during SACX the klutz JUMPS OUT. He has been rumored to have smacked his head on the headboard whilst switching positions (causing him to go UNCONSCIOUS for SEVERAL HOURS, which completely RUINS the mood). One of his Encounters even claimed that during a Romantic Toast of Wine, he clinked the glass so hard it broke and and SHARDS of GLASS went into his hands, causing him to bleed INSTANTLY. What the fuck, Devin?

How could someone who can handle balls so well out on the soccer court, not be able to handle them in the bedroom without accidentally falling out of a window in the process?

Ladies and Gents, much like Emre, Devin will have you walking Side to Side, but if it happens you might be suffering from brain damage after falling in the shower whilst trying to have sex with him. Please seek professional help immediately.

THREE - BERNBERN<3 @carverberncrd

Coming in at Number 3 is none other than Heidi’s personal play thing! We’ve seen his bulge through his Under Armour spanks, so Of Course I had to do a little research to find out the Lipton on HIS heat-seeker. I’ve reached out to his past flings and came to a general consensus.

Overall Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

The women I interviewed all confirmed he is an excellent LAY, so once again, I was right. BernBern<3 outsold your favs.

Favorite Position: Doggystyle (obvi)

Downside: He’s a Taurus so while he will indeed fuck you into a state of paralysis, it’s only to reach his Hedonistic Quota for the evening. He probs won’t even remember your name once he’s done, let alone learn it in the first place. So don’t get attached<3.

His star sign also explains his relationship with Fraudi. Not only are they both so annoyingly stubborn, but Two tops can rarely make it in a relationship. Just ask Ash — never mind. (Omg, btw Idk WHY everyone keeps asking. YES, the rumors are true! BernBern<3 gets pegged, but only by Heidi, it’s actually a testament to his masculinity and how he’s reached the apex of it at this point. But this is all old tea. So I guess Julian isn’t the only #DemonDick in the Stark Fam, Surprise?). Anyways, I ship them, but they get on my fucking nerves! They can’t even admit their undying love for each other, which is so obvious. But this isn’t about #Berni (working ship name), BernBern<3 has a massive COCK (and heart) and it has landed itself on the Top of the list.

TWO - SINRIQUE @itsenriqueaguilar

This one came as a surprise to me because I have no idea who this is. But yalls asses do! So here we have Enrique Aguilar, coming in at number 2 because of the OUTPOUR of receipts on the TALLY WACK ATTACK that he PACKS.

Overall Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Favorite Position: You know, there wasn’t a general consensus, he’s a man FULL of surprises.

Downside: No, you don’t understand, there is literally no downside. Look, here is a letter from one of the women he’s slept with. For reasons, you will understand REAL soon, this person has been kept anonymous.

Dear DP,

It’s been approximately 1 year, two months, 9 days, 5 hours, and 46 seconds since I Locked Eyes with Enrique from across a crowded room. That night would go to be on of the most invigorating, tantalizing, and romantic experiences of my life. But when I woke up the following morning HE was gone. I long for the day I see him again. My heart Aches at the thought of him with another women. Giving her the same love that HE gave to ME. I need you to understand that I was a grade A student at my university (4.0). I had an paid internship at an elite institution that OWULD HAVE LED ME INTO A PROMISING CAREER! BUT AFTER THAT NIGHT I BECAME RAVENOUS. I NEEDED MORE. AND IT CONSUMED ME! EVENTUALLY I LOST MY INTERN BECAUSE I STOPPED SHOWING UP! I FLUNKED OUT OF SCHOOL BECAUSE I DIDN’T CARE ANYMORE. I SEARCHED YOU ON ALL SOCIAL MEDIA BUT I COULDN’T FIND YOU! ENRIQUE I NEED YOU BACK IN MY LIFE! JUST FOR ONE MORE NIGHT! PEASE I KNOW YOU’RE OUT THERE! CALL ME AT [redacted]

Obviously Ivy, sent this in ... kidding (But honestly though? They did used to date, which ... yikes ... Good to know Daddy Rique has no standards, maybe we all have a chance. #shade #clapback #scalpt)

Anyways, I’ll have to keep an eye on this one, he seems to have a good head on his shoulders ... AND good head on his shoulders OKURRRRRR!!!

ONE - SEBASTIAN DELGADO @bashdelgado

That nerd that sat in the back of the classroom brainstorm his next nerdy ass invention with high-watered khakis, and orthopedic shoes in like, the ninth grade (because he was focused on Arch Support???????). That’s him, Sebastian Delgado. And Baby Daddy Bash has DITCHED the NERD LOOK and is now ready to SNATCH YOUR CAT BACK.

I’m sure everyone is just surprised as I am. But hey, they don’t call him “Bash” for nothing (except for the fact that it’s a shortened version of his name). He’s totes Bashing Puss with his MONSTROUS MEAT TRUNCHEON (and Buss?? Sebastian contact me about your sexuality).  

Overall Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Favorite Position: Missionary, he’s a man of passion and likes to stare DEEP into your eyes. #swoon #romantic #westan

Downside: Well if you HATE Love and AFFECTION, this one is not the one for you. Not only does he have a GINORMOUS, UN-NUGGETED MEAT SEPTOR/LAP ROCKET/VAGINA MINER, which, by the way, last a LONG time, He is EXCELLENT BOYFRIEND Material! He’s caring, patient, kind, resourceful, loyal, and he is well on his way to becoming a multi-millionaire -- which is NOT the reason he is number one! Money is not the goal here ladies (and guys? Seriously Sebastian, I need to know what’s up).  

Sebastian is the complete package and he has ALL of the other guys in this town QUAKING!

So Stan A True Man. Stan .... Sebastian.

And that, my friends, ends the TRUE tea on the wangs in this town. This was fun while it lasted, but I have some COCKtails that need my attention (ok, maybe THAT was the last one).

xo, DP

[sprnklersplashes]

personally I’m very tired of people acting like jowling kowling rowling is some working class hero as if she doesn’t live in an actual castle  

[apotter]

it's beyond me that some people think that the author who wrote HARRY POTTER - a book about aCCEPTANCE - is behind a chair saying "muahaha im making nagini an asian woman 'cause I hate asians, i'm so evil!!!" like it was her choice

I know, people think she’s the goddess of casting decisions. Also, people probably didn’t make that association like… I honestly think it was an honest mistake? Idk man, people can’t make mistakes anymore nowadays.  

[exai]

been seeing a bunch of posts lately arguing about how (and im paraphrasing here) “nobody cares” about jk rowling being racist, ableist, antisemitic, etc and people only focus on her transmisogyny and it’s really doing my head in lol.

like yeah absolutely i think she’s a horrible person and arguably has always been a mean-spirited, contemptuous, overly litigious woman with little to no empathy for any poor person despite having lived in poverty herself bc she presumably drank a full keg of the pulling yourself by the bootstraps kool aid. of course the full extent of her bigotry is in full display in her works, whether it’s harry potter or her other weirdo books, or even the fucking fantastic beasts movies. i don’t think anyone on here really is arguing otherwise in good faith.

but anyway, it fucks me up that the metric for “people caring” for folks on here is essentially “how many notes a post about her *insert laundry list of bigotry that isnt transmisogyny* got VS how many notes posts about her transmisogyny got”. like are you out of your fucking mind. are you okay. do you understand how ridiculous that sounds.

you know why i think that actually, in the year 2021, it’s probably more important to talk about her very public transmisogynistic endeavours? it’s because as one of the richest people in the UK she actually holds tremendous power to actively and directly harm ALL trans people, but especially trans women. the reality is that she has the power to influence laws, or if not that, wide, mainstream public opinion on trans people. her writing bad characters and being a weirdo in her books isnt gonna make being asian illegal in the UK lol. but her going on deranged rants about trans women on her GIGANTIC platforms? well...

i think people are allowed to and absolutely should talk about the layers of bigotry she operates on, because in the end it is perfectly in line with the wider truth that terfs are inherently ultra-conservative and would rather align themselves with The Worst People You Can Think Of than to think that maybe trans people deserve basic human rights and empathy.

but to say that people talking specifically about her transmisogyny on the micro-blogging website tumblr being a sign of them “not caring as much” for other forms of bigotry, ignoring completely the current context of where the UK and the wider world is at regarding trans rights in 2021, is fucking ridiculous.

[korobizaka]

the most annoying thing about the whole depp situation thing is that the minute that you express that you support amber its “wHaT aBouT maLE vicTUIMS?!?!?!”

as if these people even care about women victims anyways LMAO? do they care that josh brolin was arrested for domestic assault against diane lane?? do they care that pam anderson was beat by tommy lee while carrying her infant child, or are they the kind of people who make fun of her and call her a bimbo?

and then do these people actually CARE about men who step up about their abuse?? did they support terry crews and brandon fraser or mock them? do they condem and spew the same vitriol they did to amber heard as they did to kevin spacey, who assaulted and raped minors?? or do they are like “oh yeah he suckss!! but his acting is still amazing i love his movies!!!” and keep him up on this pedestal? do they care that one supporter of depp, emma roberts, was arrested herself for domestic abuse of evan peters?

i believe men can be victims of domestic abuse of course! i believe ioan gruffudd and his girlfriend were harassed by his abusive ex-wife! i believe women can be abusers and perpetrators of assault! another VOCAL supporter of depp is naomi campbell who has been accused of assault 11 times, and convicted on 4 of those occasions! depp truly has some upstanding people who are supporting him, and are totally not trying to uphold this man who is guilty of violence so their own histories can be whitewashed :)

i dont think i need to really go into detail about how fucking stupid you all are to prop up ONE chopped up audio file leaked by depp’s lawyer to youtuber as DEFINITIVE evidence that amber was the abusive one. like im sorry but if you still come to that conclusion despite all evidence, you are deeply stupid. a woman who is having a breakdown after being abused for years, trying to get her husband sober and failing. ignore all the context of a woman being raped and abused by the man she loves for years for the GOTCHA soundbite. you are the teacher who punishes the child who punches back after being abused by bullies for years. that is not “mutual bullying” like people are trying to frame the situation as “mutual abuse” now.

amber heard was abused by depp, and documented all of this. she has SO much more evidence than most abuse victims. what more would you need to prove that she was a victim? a video of her getting RAPED and BEAT? and what do you think an abusive man would do if he found his victim to be recording this? she documented everything and divorced him before #metoo even began. so how on earth would it be possible for her to have developed this elaborate take down prior to the marriage BEFORE THE MOVEMENT EVEN EXISTED?

you all are so desperate to perpetuate the misogynistic idea of a devious, evil woman manipulating poor old beloved actor that you don’t see how stupid your whole argument is. studios were more than willing to cast him until he stupidly sued the sun in the first place and lost his court case. he even got his GLOWING endorsement from jk rowling right beforehand LMAO. amber heard did NOT damage his career, he did by being drunk and unprofessional.

have you partaken in the same vile, vitriolic hate campaigns against MALE abusers, or did you only keep this energy for amber heard?

[transfemininomenon]

you know outside of all the Other Stuff wrong with harry potter & jk rowling, reading those books growing up as an incredibly poor kid in a family struggling constantly to make ends meet having the main character be a rich kid who was constantly like "damn sucks my best friend is so poor and his family barely get by. i'd love to help them but alas im sure they JUST wouldn't accept me giving them any of my vast amounts of horded wealth :/" was genuinely so insulting

[apocraphelion]

i cant figure out how “supporting jk rowling” is supposed to matter. like, sure dont directly give her money, but people keep acting like theres anything beyond that that matters? I have talked to so many people over the last year who have legitimately found out From Me that jkr is a terf. these are trans allies, good people, who just Aren’t in the social circles that are talking about these things.

people engaging with hp fan content really isnt the problem. everyone in the Serious fan communities knows and has drawn their line: either they know and they are a terf themself or they dont care, OR they know and they disagree with where to draw the line of what is “harmful”. talk to your boring cousin. call your cringey aunt and tell Her about jkr. befriend people who arent in social justice circles! People Do Not Know that jkr is terf unless theyre in our same internet bubble already.

but beyond all that. the harry potter movies are produced by warner bros. this whole boycott of jkr obviously hasnt worked over the past however many years, so maybe we need to up our game. boycott warner bros. 

anyway im too poor to not buy food made by slave labor, unsafe factory conditions, and farms that abuse migrant workers. so i dont know that my reblogging a harry potter post to my 250ish followers who all know that i am trans is somehow.... worse???

so yes theres a new thing or whatever, please dont see it, but when someone mentions it, ask if they know about jkrowling being a terf. dont accuse, just, ask, and aim to inform them. suggest that they tell other people. tell them that can make their own choice what to do with that information, but that she is hurting people and you want to make sure they Get to decide what to do with that knowledge.

[vampirecheesecakee]

Hogwarts allows pets correct?

Like from what i know its mainly cats, toads and owls but i have read a fic or two with a bunnie or snek but idk how true those are but thats besides to point.

Wtf happens when the pets get sick?

Like would you take your pet to madam pomfrey when it gets sick? Maybe it accidentally got into a potion you had to make? Someone hexed it?

Ive never read the books (i plan to im just poor) so maybe jk wrote about this?

Are their wizard vetranarians? Their has to be! I need to know about this. Please harry potter expert's i need to know.

Just dont ask Rowling herself, she no longer owns harry potter. Harry potter is ours now.

Jk Rowling whom? Never heard of the bitch.