#every now and then i just cant help myself | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

novasjaneway · 2 months ago

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Bruce Campbell and Ted Raimi

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xena fans who also love autolycus and joxer

#every now and then i just cant help myself #the need to watch these two goofballs be this way #t moneys weights are so tiny #bruce campbell doing t moneys interview knowing hes really as lame as joxer #this is peak humor #after xena #xena warrior princess extras #ted raimi #bruce campbell #joxer the mighty #autolycus #Youtube #bruce campbell shootin hoops badly in the middle of nowhere

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rapidhighway · 1 month ago

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avoidance is my fucking doom man, i know i should go to class but i fucking cant get myself to

#i have. so many absences it's ridiculous to go right now i know it will be worse if i dont go i have to go #ive been just tossing and turning for like 2 hours with some freakign heart palpitations cause im so fucking scared #i was supposed to go last week and i didnt do it then either and every time i feel worse but i cant make myself go #AAAAAAAAA Im gonna die here i know i just have to force myself but i dont want to i want to stay at home which will fix nothing and #make everything worse in the long run #im aware of thsi but i still cant get myself to go idk what to do in this situation i feel horrible augh #i have so many absences I literally went once at the start of the semester and it's been what. 2 and a half months almost 3 #i didnt do much for the class and i didnt go to class idk what to do.. theres literally no other way than to force myself to go #i KNOW I'll instantly feel better if i just stay home. i knowww i knowwww but its not going to help anything #i feel like shit and so ashamed and i just really dont want to go through this #FUUCK #im just #completely in panic mode rn. idk if i wont just try to go tomorrow idk if this is a bad decision im still just putting it off #im just totally by myself and cant even talk to anyone to calm down uauauhcgchdhd #im feeling pretty pathetic rn i should be able to do thisss i should be able to do this by myself #this is like self inflicted psychological horror and it's like every other day for me for many years now ouughh

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yourlocalsewerdragon · 5 months ago

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revisiting this site every now and then to reminisce in how much it shaped me as a person and defined me as a literal child

#cuz i was looking thru old youtube playlists right #and i found this one video edited by wooly abt the time spicy went crazy over a kuroo x joe crackskip (hilarious btw)#(also i cant find spicy did they deactivate forever help)#but like something about the interactions. and seeing myself during that time. just hit really really really hard.#like that was a little girl. she was 12 or 13 or whatever and the people on this site were her entire world #and she'd wake up every morning and check her dashboard and send asks and break the post limit and that was like #a significant part of my childhood. and then one day i just stopped logging on.#and i never even realized it but i talked to some of these ppl for the last time and didnt even realize that that was the last time #the people who i swore id meet in person one day. i knew everything about them and they knew everything about me #and now theyre just memories. and i refuse to call that era of my life cringe because i wouldnt have had it any other way #sorry im really senti. i need to find people again i miss them #and now we've all grown in different ways. yk the meeting people twice thing? yeah.#when u all met me i was second yr middle school and now im second year high school #theres so much i had on this site. some days i want it back

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honeybard · 14 days ago

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adhd advice will be like people with adhd struggle to get their thoughts organised. also to get diagnosed you need to get your thoughts on why you have adhd organised in advance in order to convince the doctor you have it

#sorry for the vent incoming but #both my sister (who is diagnosed with adhd and autism) and my mother have been saying they think i might be adhd for like a year now #and like thatd be cool bc adhd can be medicated right? so maybe i can get help with my disaster life after all #except the problem is every time i think about the task of calling the doctor i get overwhelmed and cant #unfortunately asking my family for a list of why they think i'm adhd is not helpful bc theyre always like #“idk just whenever we talk about [sister]'s adhd i think how it sounds like we're describing you” & then none of them can give me an exampl #all ive come up with myself if when i was a kid i remember i was either quiet or so chatty that i forget the other person needs to speak #or like i'd try to join in a conversation and many times people would say like 'thats not really related to what we're talking about'#i no longer and super chatty bc i learned fo shut the fuck up pretty quick or you get made fun of but yeah.#i also forget things but i'm also very good at writing them down bc i know i'll forget and make people annoyed if i dont #so like idk if that counts like i feel like in my life ive been forced to learn how to cope and fit in so its like #is it adhd and i'm masking or is it not #like this is always the problem when i seek professional help they find out i can do hard stuff and they say you seem like you're okay #but like. hard stuff i can do is still hard. is everything supposed to feel this hard then? i hope not #vent #anyway other points are my thoughts keep me awake at night (its like loud jumbled thoughts of tv quotes and music and conversations ive had #and also obviously i struggle to make appointments. and i get distracted when i'm doing something boring even if i remove distractions #from my sight bc if i have no distractions i just start daydreaming. is this anything #this post itself is distracting me from work #i also connot make connections with 99% of people i meet socialising is so hard for me #maybe i should just send this tumblr vent to my doctor and see if it gets me a referral would that work

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bunnyboy-juice · 3 months ago

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spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner

#vulnerable tag rambles ahead please be kind abt them i didnt intent to ramble this much but i dont wanna delete it eitehr #me to every single man i have ever dated after 6mo-1y: yeah hey this really isnt working out i dont really know why but i really hate mysel #and i dont want to blame you because i dont think you did anything inherently wrong here; i think this is something about me but i need #space to figure out why im feeling this way [every single one reacted by telling me No i wasnt allowed to leave btw]#i hold very complex feelings about these relationships esp bc of them ending in very violent/chaotic ways most of the time #but its interesting to look back at it all and realize ive left every man for the same reason (which is that ive hated myself Every Single #Time ive dated a man) and its funny bc i recognized the self hate pretty early on w/ cishet men but when it came to queer men it was #much more confusing (esp w/ nto knowing Any lesbians at that point in my life). im so happy im a lesbian tbh #i have a lot of issues w/ the racism fatphobia and transmisogyny present in lesbian groups #and also coming out as a lesbian really truly saved my life. before i met my wife i was quite literally in a 3yr abusive relationship that #definitely would have died in if i hadnt realzied i was a lesbian and ran from him #its also weird seeing liek the hard evidence of the things that happened to me btween 2016-2020 tbh #cause that was such a bad time of my life. i truly dont know how i survived it but im so glad i did #like the three major relationships in my life b4 meeting my wife was: guy who was in college when i was in HS who stalked me when i left;#guy who was a year younger than me who cheated on me the entire time while telling me he was being victimized (he wasnt; this was very mess #guy who saw the very messy toxic ldr i was in and helped me dump my ex then decided that meant we were in a relationship [insert 3 yrs here #and admittedly all 3 years with him werent the same level of abusive but it was definitely unhealthy from the start considering I Didnt Kno #we were together until he wanted to celebrate vday and got mad i didnt know our anniversary - and like this isnt including the other stuff #that happened between those Relatonships[tm] (cause ive never been monogamous; these were just the Major Relationships)#like i genuinely think if i hadnt come out i'd be dead rn given just how dangerous my relationships were/continued getting #i am also so tired now that ive seen all this cause like. fuck i can barely believe it and i not only lived it but have PTSD about it #i should write about my life sometime. i feel like it'd be cathartic to try and make a tangible timeline and stories from the years ang stu #anyway yeah. be nice about the tag rambles. dont message me with pity or curiosity or anything about this. i dont usually talk abt this stu #publicly bc i hate the ways ppl start tryign to baby me when they realize my life has been extremely fucked up until only a few years ago #n im still working on accepting kindness from others bc of [insert life traumas here] but its a long process so pls respect my need for jus #being heard rn w/o too much pressure< 3 (but ig if u do read this can u like it cause i feel a little crazy seeing all the evidence of the #stuff i experienced now also cause fuck ik logically it was but also i cant believe it was all real still yk)

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walking-loather · 4 months ago

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When it comes to hygiene tasks and self care with disability and chronic illness, its pretty much a constant case of: don't let perfect be the enemy of the good.

Basically: it's better to do something, than to do nothing at all.

TLDR: Just because you can't do something "properly" doesn't mean you shouldn't do it at all. Do it half-way. Do it shitty. Do it barely. Do it on a technicality. But do what you can. Just try, because doing something will help you.

If you don't have the energy to scrub your body with a sponge, just rub soap over your skin with your hands.

If you don't have the energy to wash your whole body with soap, just hit the places where sweat accumulates, or where you're smelliest.

If you don't have the energy to wash with soap AT ALL, just sitting in water is better than nothing. It will wash away dirt and oils.

If you can't bathe or shower at all, a warm wash cloth is your new best friend. If that's too much, then try bath wipes. They're a bit bigger than regular wet wipes, and a bit more heavy duty. They're designed to help keep bed ridden patients clean in hospitals.

If you don't have the energy to dry yourself after a bath or a shower, just put on a bathrobe and get into bed. If you don't have the energy to get dressed afterwards, just don't. It can wait until you can.

If you don't have energy to brush your teeth for two minutes, honestly, just a cursory scrub is better than not doing anything.

If you can't brush your teeth twice a day, brush in the evenings. It will help take away the build up of food from the day.

If you don't have the energy to brush AT ALL, honestly, just take a cloth and wipe the plaque off your teeth. Rinse with mouth wash after if you'd like. Something is always better than nothing.

If you can't floss twice a day. Try once. If that's too much, try a few times a week. If that's too much, try setting aside a day once a week as a goal. If you can't keep a schedule, do it when you're able to. Hell, I keep some floss next to my bed so that if I forget and don't have the energy to go get it, I can just reach over.

If you can't iron your clothes, don't bother. Wrinkles are fine. Wear jumpers over wrinkly t-shirts. No one will know, and honestly, most people won't even care. If it's really wrinkly and it's A Big Deal And It Needs To Be Ironed, here's my life hack. Step 1: take a spray bottle, and spritz the item of clothing (while you're wearing it is easiest) until it's lightly damp. Step 2: use a hair-dryer on the clothes until they're dry. It gets rid of creases like nobody's business, it's easier than lugging out the iron and ironing board, and you get to have nice toasty warm clothes afterwards.

If you can't fold your clothes, try just hanging them up. It's less commitment. It's quicker to do. Granted, you need to have the space in order to do this, but it is also good at helping you downsize, and lets you visualise exactly what you have.

If you can't put your clothes away, invest in a couple of laundry baskets, and then just keep your clean clothes in the baskets. You can then separate washed clothes into underwear, pants, and shirts baskets. You can just leave them like that. I'm giving you permission to never fold your laundry again if you can't. Just leave it unfolded. Who's going to care? Something is better than nothing. If you can, try to put those baskets into your closet so that you can keep the clutter out of sight, and give yourself a more restful environment.

If you can't separate your clothing out into different categories and wash them "properly" (whites, warm tones, cool tones, darks, delicates / switching between hot & cold washes / paying attention to laundry instructions on the label) then just don't worry about it. If you cold wash your clothes, colours won't bleed. Maybe gradually over the course of dozens of washes there'll be some changes in hue, but it's really not as high stakes as the One Red Sock In The Whites Turns Them Pink trope makes it out to be.

I've pretty much come to the point in my life where if a piece of clothing can't survive the washer and dryer, then it's just not meant to be. I colour separate my clothes, and if I have the energy/remember I'll take my bras and jumpers out of the washing machine to drip dry. But otherwise, I leave it to the universe.

If you can't separate out your recycling, then don't. If you have a large amount of rubbish you need to get rid of but the idea of separating it out properly is stopping you from doing so, then just don't worry about it. I know it's not ideal, but if you have garbage in your room/house and you need to get rid of it, please just get rid of it. Don't let the problem get bigger and harder to deal with. Don't let "doing something properly" get in the way of keeping your living spaces clean. Please. Give yourself understanding.

If you can't wash your dishes, get paper plates. Obviously, it's not ideal, but it is better that you eat food than skipping meals. It is better that you have a clean kitchen, rather than having dishes piling up and making it harder to look after yourself.

If you can't prepare meals for yourself keep making the tasks easier and easier. If you can't do recipes, then simplify. Use pasta sauce from the jar instead of making it. Eat canned soup. Buy food you can just stick in the oven. If you eat fish fingers and microwave veggies every night, it's better than not eating anything at all. It's better than having to fork out money on take-out. If you need ready-made meals, then get them. If you're literally just eating a raw cauliflower for dinner; 1) I see you, 2) me too, sis, 3) something is better than nothing.

These are the basic things you need to do every day to function as a person. They are your activities of daily living. Brushing your teeth. Bathing or showering. Using the bathroom. Getting dressed. Eating. Drinking. Sleeping. Keeping your environment clean. You don't need to do these things perfectly, but they need to happen in order for you to have a decent quality of life.

And it breaks my heart, because I know that so many disabled people can't do these things every day. I'm not saying this to guilt or judge, I'm saying that these are basic needs; you deserve these things. These things bring dignity. If a disabled person is unable to do these things, it diminishes their quality of life. It robs them of dignity.

If you need help to do these things, Its okay to ask for help. It's okay to need help. But if you can't get that help and you have to do these things by yourself -- or you just plain want to be independent and do it without help-- then don't hold yourself to standards you can't meet.

Don't let perfect be the enemy of the good. Doing something is always better than doing nothing. Even if it's not perfect. Even if it's not done well. Do what you can.

#lord knows that im still trying to pull myself out of the muck and into independence and dignity #i had to set a rule for myself that i need to wear clean clothes every day. and that i need to wear pyjamas to bed #that one's been hard. sometimes I dont have the energy to do it and i just stay in the same clothes for two days at a time #or i go to sleep in what i was wearing. but when i do follow that rule my quality of life is drastically better #not feeling dirty or gross goes a long way to making you feel more like a person #i also made a rule that im not allowing myself to look frumpy outside anymore. that means clothes that look nice #no more trackies and pj pants and all that stuff. i basically lived in perpetual pyjamas for four years and im over it #i still dress comfortably but the important thing is that i dress. i look put together. i wear things that make me happy #(and i didnt need to buy anything to do so. i just needed to start taking better care of myself)#and i stopped letting perfect be the enemy of the good. i started doing things shitty rather than not doing it at all #and the more i keep pushing with my ADLs the better i feel #what helps is now i dont have to contend with stairs and that has made a dramatic change to what im able to accomplish #ive also finally built up enough strength in my body that im able to go to the shops by myself. so i can buy things to make easy meals #and mum doesnt mind if i just put some things in the oven or air fryer for us for dinner.#i still cant really cook. i felt bad about that for the longest time. i didnt even try bc i knew what id make would be disappointing #or it wouldnt be up to the standards of what everyone else was making. i was so sick of feeling like a let down all the time.#now i just make what i can and my mum doesnt complain bc shes in the same boat.#and yeah. having help would be nice. it would mean id be able to do more than what i can do by myself.#and its great to see how far ive come. but im not a burden. and when i have the accommodations i need i can do a lot more #i do something rather than nothing and my life has dramatically changed since then. ive just gotten better and better.#chronic illness #disability #chronic pain #spoonie #one things for certain and thats that im never going to let myself rely on anyone else ever again.#i never want to be on the other side of that ever again. I don't want to be anyone's burden. i dont want that hanging over me #i do things by myself or i dont do them at all. and god fucking willing i'll never go back to needing as much help as i used to #i really didnt realise just how much of an obstacle living with stairs was in my life. it was the biggest barrier against everything #stairs stopped me from being independent. if i couldnt traverse them i just didnt go anywhere. my world shrank so much #and not having the proper wheelchair shrinks my world even more. im stronger than i used to be but im still severely limited in where i go

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jrueships · 5 months ago

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Bought one of my lil nephew giannis shoes for his birthday bcs he loves giannis and these are some of the ugliest fucking things I have ever laid my eyes on in my life. anyways it's his bday today so i gave them to him. but they are so ugly. he loves them

#i am not a sneakerhead #i wish i could be . finacially i can be. but mentally i cannot #i am not a car guy either. i could. but i cant mentally #bcs the only time id get smthing pretty is to look at it. and keep it safe #and then id want to km$ for not using smthing thats intended to be used bcs i hate wasted potential #once i got these rlly nice shoes #ive worn them once when i was trying them on #and i hate myself every day for doing that but also i just cant get them dirty #BUT I HATE THAT #some ppl can do that. they get a million things and only use it once and yea i COULD but psychologically i just CANT #im friends with a lot of sneakerheads and chain wearers and while i cant mentally make myself one #i can understand why they can #like ppl always wanna excuse not helping ppl by pointing at the stuff they already have #like oh u can buy urself a chain but cant buy ur momma and u a nicer place to live #like ok so credit scores are not existent then. especially when ppl use that phrase against ppl growing into crime like #yes they are making money now but is it good clean money? no. thats not gonna go into smthing long term n hefty like a house #chains are a rlly big thing bcs sometimes some jewelers just dont ask questions. hence bmf's jeweler getting roped into their crime schemes #any business can be like that btw. like michael jacksons doctor getting paid to kill him. the difficulty lvl just changes #and also. random ppl make fun of the stuff they can see or hear right in front of them #random ppl can and will make u feel bad abt any little thing they know or see the best bcs theyre assholes like that #u wear shoes all the time everywhere. thats more and more eyes noticing how old/dirty ur shoes are #or ur cars old n busted or ur phones a fucking android like it doesnt matter. the more ppl can see. the more theyll know #the more sensitive u get abt whats actually small to u at the start but big 2 them n then it gets big 2 u #anyways yea so like. i get it. i dont do it but i can see why others do #anyways yea these shoes are so ugly lol like i dont buy merch of my favs unless the style matches mine personally #he just liked them bcs they were giannis tbh n then i pointed out they were modeled after 1 of the jerseys #which made he rlly want them a while back so i surprised him today #but yea these things are ugly lol im glad he likes them but ew LMFAO

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ssspringroll · 6 months ago

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sure why not. i dont have enough things going on

watch this space 👀

#gotta write up like. rules and info and stuff.#and then it can open for submissions.#i found a really neat tournament manager thingy and well i simply cant help myself. it sounds fun.#maybe we could do it every year or like #do small tournaments with themes or something after the main one #idk #anyway.#i gotta figure out the logistics of submissions and stuff #(no i dont)#(ive been thinking about how this would work since i proposed the idea)#(no one else jumped on the idea so now im just gonna do it myself LMAO)#(this will probably flop but thats ok)#simoleon

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yikes-ajax-thats-sad · 20 days ago

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People really think trust issues are just "aww they're scared of love" and it's like bitch no. Trust issues as in I'm deeply in love and the issue is I'm waiting for you break my heart after undergoing periodic abuse in relationships. I'm not scared of love I'm scared of what you'll do with it.

#ahahahaha anyways. ranty time in the tags wheeee #paranoia has been terrible today. everyones mood is off. everyones acting different. everyones acting colder. they hate me im sure of it #and all this stuff i want to be happy i just know is gonna be ruined or left with tainted memories now and its my fault #but maybe its not because why the fuck cant you be consistent. why is it so touch and go #i support ppl through the worst parts of their lives and when i need the support nobody is there #i will literally take time off work to be with someone if theyre having a hard time but me? cant even afford more than three words #im sick of being told i love you and finding no proof outside empty words. i sure as hell dont feel fucking loved. everyone is lying #it's just like my ex. he smothered me in love to cover up the major lack of actually viable love #empty words make me sick to my stomach now. everyones a fucking liar and i dont get why the wont just tell me the truth!#if im such a burden then just fucking say it! if im horrible to be around tell me! how am i supposed to every grow if nobody tells me #i just wanna be loved and not unconditionally. i want to be loved by choice. i want someone to choose me despite everything #i want someone to love me to every little detail and hold my hand even when im at my lowest and just UNDERSTAND #i want someone to love me wholeheartedly and think about me as much i do them. i want the little gestures and the sweet things i do #but here i am. always the one carrying everything and putting in all the effort. when was the last time someone really liked me.#when was the last time i existed in someone elses head. when was the last time someone cared enough to check on me. to do something?#this savior mentality is gonna kill me but im only being straightforward when i say i cannot pull myself from this alone. i am so weak #and god im fucking tired #spent at least two hours straight sobbing while regressed because even as a kid i cant outrun this #and im just getting sicker. i cant sleep. cant eat. cant stay warm. feel like im slowly fading away #and nobody even cares. its so fucking selfish and childish but my whole life ive screamed for help and nobody has seen me #do i have to become another number in the statistics for you to care? or would you even care when i die?#because at this rate i dont even need to try. my heart hasn't slowed in three days. i think i really am dying #sad thoughts #vent blog #sad blogging #vent #vent post #venting #actually mentally ill #actually traumatized

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transmogrified-in-the-void · 7 months ago

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Very happy I'm going back to therapy next week

#im so fucking tired of this bullshit #i cried for myself abt all the pain and abuse i went through today on the drive home and i realized that i keep trying to pretend like ive #healed but i havent and im still very wounded from the whole experience #his family apologizing didnt help that aspect of the complicated feelings at all #like ill never ger an actual apology from him. never #and BECAUSE OF HIM im fucking terrified to emotionally open up to people in the way i desperately need to bc of how much i was gaslit and #fucking manipulated and emotionally tormented and blamed for it. i want to be able to actually process my heavy emotions and talk it through #with someone so i dont have to go through it all alone #and im scared. im terrified of it #i have been irreversibly scared and it hurts #i keep pretending like my abuse is something ive healed from and even now i doubt if it actually ever was #and i fight every fucking day bc the evidence is comically present everywhere #im #im just tired #i want to cry and be held afterwards #havent i at least earned that much?#cant i please just be held?

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princessmyriad · 1 month ago

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#personal #thinking about how the phrase treat others how you want to be treated is actually incredibly one way #unless damn near every person ive ever met wants to be treated like shit which i cant imagine is true #like idk i spent a lot of my time giving my energy to people. and ill never feel bad for putting love and kindness out into the world #but i gave some of these people everything i had. or not everything that would diminish me but everything i could spare for them at the time #i treated them attentively and considerately and tenderly and lovingly #and that kindness has not been extended back to me by most of these people #some of them have surely in their own 'love language' and im grateful for these people in my life #but most of the people ive treated with intentional care have actively and on purpose caused me a lot of emotional harm #which again. im working through and like karma will get them without me needing to be there or whatever while i do my own healing #but regardless i still think some of that shit should not have happened like it did #i dont understand how everyone can say to me treat others how youd like to be treated but not tell me the caveat #that they will not treat me the way i want to be treated even if i put in that effort for them/for our friendship or relationship or whatevr #like idk im a bitch for asking you to leave me alone when ive been vomiting for two days straight but you can straightup sexually misconduct #with my body and then when i write poetry about it and share my feelings instead of leaving and taking that information anywhere helpful #you get to decode youre traumatized actually and im still a bitch for bringing it up?#make it make sense #'treat others the way you want to be treated' so youd like it if i starved you and verbally insulted and gaslight and manipulated you? no?#then what the fuck is the point of you saying that to me???#idk im just fucking pissed rn that. idk what im pissed at. cause again i know im no contact with all of these people now and their #shitty justice will find its way to them. and i cant be mad at myself for saddling with the wrong people cause some of that was my choices #and some of it was blood i couldnt escape for a long time. and i said i dont want to regret or resent #putting love out to the world #but i am still angry that so much of me was given to the wrong people. that these people just chose to completely ignore #the level of respect and patience and kindness i showed them #idk dudes im just angry. 'treat others the way you want to be treated' fuck off thats some quiet manipulation bullshit to get me to be #nicer to you even as you abuse the self-worth outta me fuck off fuck you #i found it again. you cant bury it im too full of love to not love myself too but it hurts how hard they tried for so long #'treat others the way you want to be treated' how bout no. how bout i treat everyone with a base level of kindness #and when youve shown me that you will treat me the way i deserve to be treated then ill fucking play niceys back

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birdybellicose · 2 years ago

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The corners of Lark’s mouth lifted into an almost smile at Nick’s singing as he tried to make himself more comfortable in his friend’s lap, feeling oddly safer than he had ever felt in a long time.

He falls asleep to Nick’s voice and the hypnotic twang of guitar strings in the air, the lyrics flowing out of Nick’s mouth like liquid honey. Lark falls asleep before he can understand the full weight of the song Nick chose to “practice” with, or notice how hushed and breathless Nick’s voice had suddenly become.

Nick continued to sing that same song long after Lark falls asleep, long enough for the itch of caressing Lark’s face to become downright unbearable. Nick suddenly paused and his left hand slowly uncurled and slid down the fretboard, his eyes trained on the small strands of hair that had fallen over Lark’s eyes. A second later Nick stopped himself, shook his head as if he had been under a spell, and forced himself to play the next guitar riff-- accidentally strumming the strings a little too loudly. Lark stirred and grunted in his sleep for a second before going quiet again. Nick breathed a sigh of relief before chuckling affectionately at the man.

Nick adjusted his old hand-me-down acoustic in his lap and began slowly singing the song again, this time really feeling the lyrics. His voice softly crooned perfect reverence and longing into each verse, heartbreak was evident in the words and all the notes he hit. After awhile, Nick’s lip began to tremble and his eyes burned but he sang on, his left hand now gripping the fretboard so hard it made his knuckles white.