#every flower has some kind of association at this point lmao

[tomfrogisblue]

i wonder what it's like to play minecraft without random normal minecraft objects having been ruined for all time by various angsty cubitos

[tommyssupercoolblog]

How does scent work?

hi!!! i assume this is a misce question???

generally speaking, if you're trying to get into misceanimalis and want a scent, you'd pick a scent you thinks best represents you (and generally also your secondary gender as part of that- most omegas will pick feminine or sugary scents, for example), and hunt down a perfume or cologne with that smell. You can also match it with shampoos, conditioners, etc. if you're REALLY particular about it being one brand's, exact same, version of that smell? Well some companies, like bath and body works, will release multiple products with the exact same scent- so you could start there!!! alternatives (or just other ways to add it as well) include essential oils, lotion, laundry detergent/sheets, necklaces or jewlery with the scent contained in them (generally made using essential oils or other liquid scents in like, a glass bead or vial), and just. having a scent listed on your blog but not going out of your way to pursue it. or not having one at all!!! for mine I use, again, bath and body works, and I have the perfume and lotion :) I don't use them every single day because, like, i don't even get DRESSED out of my pajamas every day let alone do my perfume or add accessories or anything, lmao, and also because as an alter in a system i'm not always in front. like 9 times out of 10 i am but still. ((((plus even when i am and we do wanna put on some sorta smelly stuff, Seán has his own stuff he likes, too. sometimes we even just. wear both of them at the same time.)))) IF YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT OMEGAVERSE IN GENERAL AND/OR WHY MISCE PPL DO THIS, PLEAS LOOK UNDER THE CUT!!!! :D

because omegaverse is based around the disproven wolves hierarchy, other aspects of biology, unrelated to the heats/ruts part, are often also influenced by animal stuff. case in point, scent.

most mammals can gain lots of information through smell about each other, including health, mood, a personalized "this is insert person" smell, and in A/B/O, a persons hierarchy or secondary gender. it varies from animal to animal, but you get the idea; smell is IMPORTANT, and you, as an individual, have a smell.

the idea is that scent glands on your body (especially neck/cheek areas because, animals, so like. scent marking things by rubbing your face on them is a BIG THING) would carry these scents and that info around. of course, if you have a pet cat or dog or something, they can already smell info from you. but humans generally can't pick up on these things from scent- even when you smell like, sweat, it doesn't smell like a specific PERSON most of the time. like, look me in the eyes and tell me you could pick your best friend's smell out of like, the smell of everyone you know. you couldn't, and i'd have to make every participant run 80 laps before you could smell anything at all from even one of them. so, when people are part of misce and emulating the lifestyles and identities of omegaverse worldbuilding/culture, the best way to replicate this system is with things like perfume. you might not know generally what people smell like, but if your ex used a specific cologne or perfume (OR EVEN just the same hair products and dryer sheets) all the time and you caught a wiff at the supermarket, you're probably going to immediately recognize it and think of them. as for the aformentioned gender of it all, tons of fics have specific kinds of smells associated with certain genders, and in general, flowery scents and fruit or dessert scents are assosiated with omegas, more musky scents (and sometimes like. what, raw meat? barbeque sause? but that's way rare compared to the everpresent "this omega smells like a cookie") are associated with alphas, and betas usually get androgynous or subtler scents, and sometimes scents that are just like. "insert whatever plant/nature thing that isn't a flower or something dark/musky smelling here". sometimes they don't have scents at all. I think this is a byproduct of the personality in the gender stereotypes, and how we associate those with smell. o megas are generally sweet and nurturing, and people associate that with sweet things (sweet means sweet) or flowers because of the "nurturing = woman or mom" thing and how flowers are heavily used in women's products. Alphas are meant to be aggressive leaders who are like, the elephant in the room almost, and kinda intimidating, so something dark and "!!!!!!!" is very much on the table, and again, that also ties into masculinity. Betas as a third gender in a society where most of us grew up with two get the leftovers, and also they're generally seen as more of just...pleasant agreeable support figures who hang out around the others and chill, so that results in more mellow, "calming" scents, and if all your characters have plant or nature smells you're probably going to try and find that for the betas too. (or again, just say they don't have one at all for easiness's sake.) not everyone sees scent as gendered though and even those that do might be scent-nonconforming. the general idea is, "This is the smell that represents me and makes me recognizable in my community. When you smell this smell, or at least my version of it, it's easy to guess that i'm nearby. If something has my scent on it, then it's mine, back off; and that includes my mate (again, nuzzling/mixing scents), so don't try me"

I hope this helps!!!

[hourcat]

OTP asks: 8, 22, 28 for piarles and maxiel please ❤️

hi darlin!!! i dont dabble in maxiel often so let's see how i do w/these! hehe

8. What happens if one of them gets sick?

for piarles: it's either wildly dramatic or ignored to the point of danger. like, if charles has a stomachache or feels a little bit stuffy, he is laid up on the couch moaning about how life is so unfair, and how he forgets what being healthy is like, and that pierre has to give him a back massage because i will die without it, pierrot, please with a wide, dewy gaze that pierre just rolls his eyes at (but concedes to). however. if charles is running a fever, he's going to ignore it until pierre has to physically wrangle him to bed because he will work through it like it's just a little cold. this all works for pierre, too--the number of foot rubs charles has given him when he's feeling "achy and exhausted, charlo" is too high to count.

for maxiel: i feel like max is the more high-strung one of the two of them when it comes to being sick? daniel, to me, feels like someone who worries but does it quietly - he'll tuck max into bed and be gentle w/him, but he's not gonna make a whole scene about max not drinking the tea he's supposed to be drinking to rest up. (he always wants max to rest, i feel, too - is always worried about him running himself ragged.) but max takes daniel being sick PERSONALLY. he's gonna give his professional medical opinion and not take no for an answer. he worries audibly, he will wake daniel up to drink said tea because "it works best when you drink it on time" even though daniel mumbles some sleepy protest. daniel will be like "oh, anything else, doctor" trying to be sexy and flirty and max just shuts him down immediately because yes there is something else. always.

22. What reminds each of their partner?

for piarles: bc theyre lifelong best friends, literally anything. ridiculous twitter memes, a funny looking plant in a garden they walked by (it's u / shut up texts) - sometimes poetry, although usually it's charles sending it to pierre and it's usually bad poetry, which pierre will make him read back to him the next time they're together.

for maxiel: max associates daniel w/bright, vibrant colors and cowboys (obviously, because thats his brand) but i also feel like he'll associate daniel w/like. lilies. just, the whole variety of the flower. they're beautiful and they're so unique in their style and color variety. he tells daniel this one time and daniel tackles him in some kind of watery hug-kiss mess of affection. as far as daniel goes, i think he associates max with little yappy dogs (affectionate) (max whacks him in the shoulder every time he makes that association and daniel just laughs along w/it) and chubby little blond babies. he's obsessed w those baby photos of max. every single cute fat lil toddler they see when they're out together, daniel will go "look. it's you" and max rolls his eyes. a sleeper pick: daniel thinks of max during sunset/the dusky parts of the evening. loud with color at the beginning, but faded into quietness by the time night rolls around.

28. What are there thoughts on pet names? Do they have any?

for piarles: oh absolutely. both in the genuinely sweet way, and also in the stupid way. again: lifelong friends, which means they will just call each other anything. slap a "my" in front of it and i guarantee you pierre has called charles that.

for maxiel: i feel like they could go either way? i imagine daniel has the potential to be a real sap about it, but he also could just stick to calling max "maxy" and "baby" for the rest of their lives and be settled. i cannot read max for the life of me. maybe he secretly loves the petnames but likes to play it cool? daniel teases it out of him eventually but. yeah

gotta be honest i have 0 read on whether ANY of my maxiel was fanon-compliant so forgive me if i swung and missed at any of this LMAO. ty for the ask bb!

[wickedpact]

dear tumblr user crim wickedpact pls write the essay/dissertation about nicky being shakespeare's fair youth (if you have time, ofc!!)

Not To Imply Nicky Was Shakespeare’s Fair Youth But Ive Read The Fair Youth Sonnets & Nicky Was Definitely Shakespeare’s Fair Youth, an essay by me, tumblr user crim wickedpact

background knowledge: our man shakespeare wrote some 120 sonnets about a young man referred to as the Fair Youth during the mid 1590s; there has been some debate among shakespeare enthusiasts whether shakespeare’s interest in the Fair Youth was platonic or romantic (but like. they were definitely romantic). no one knows for sure who the Fair Youth was, but it was definitely nicky and my first and most important piece of evidence regarding this hypothesis is the ‘lmao babe do you remember that guy who had a crush on me?’/ ‘i try not to remember the guy who had a crush on you’ look joe and nicky exchange when Merrick brings up shakespeare during the movie. especially since gina confirmed in a tweet that joe and nicky canonly did know shakespeare

my second piece of evidence is that it just Works (except for a couple small facts like.. the Fair Youth was prolly closer to his 20s than his 30s. and the fact that shakespeare implies that the Fair Youth slept with his mistress at one point. but he doesnt know what hes talking about shhh we IGNORE)

long post under cut

A. The Description Matches

when describing the Fair Youth (who I’ll call the FY from now on), shakespeare says he has a ‘gold complexion’ and ‘beautiful eyes’ and compares him to a ‘summer’s day’. He says the FY has “A woman’s gentle heart" and “An eye more bright than [women’s are], (...) Gilding the object whereupon [they] gazeth”

As much as shakespeare’s perceptions of sexuality and gender are very........  late 1500′s (whoo boy sonnet #20 is a wild ride) ...... the description does match, and also:

  B. The Fair Youth Refused to Get Married

it’s never really said why one way or another (shakespeare assumes it’s because the FY is selfish) but the FY didn’t/wouldn’t take on a wife and have a kid, and this was something that was a real sticker for our man Willy S. because, as he says in his sonnets a million times: beauty doesn’t last forever, but having a child not only passes down the FY’s beauty, but also blesses the woman the FY would have a child with (im not saying shakespeare wanted to bear the FY’s children, but he definitely did)

Whose fresh repair if now thou not renewest, Thou dost beguile the world, unbless some mother. For where is she so fair whose uneared womb Disdains the tillage of thy husbandry?

(ie. If you don’t renew yourself/ have children, you deprive the world and deprive a woman from having your child, since what woman out there is so beautiful that she wouldn’t want to bear your child?)

Like.

1.) if nicky is the FY then so many of these poems center around the idea of nicky growing old sometime soon and that must have been pretty funny to Nicky and

2.)  the fact that shakespeare would have been So Desperate for nicky to find a wife must have been the opposite of funny to joe. considering the ease of his and nicky’s relationship and the fact that being gay in late 1500s england was probably not a walk in the park, it is very likely shakespeare wouldn’t have known they were in a committed relationship-- or at least not known how close they actually were. Thus:

  C. The Rival (aka. Joe)

shakespeare mentions having a poetic rival in regards to the FY in several sonnets. In sonnet #21 he talks about how he’s not like Those Other Writers who use grand metaphors to talk about their muses

So is it not with me as with that Muse, Stirred by a painted beauty to his verse, Who heaven itself for ornament doth use And every fair with his fair doth rehearse, Making a couplement of proud compare With sun and moon, with earth and sea's rich gems, With April's first-born flowers, and all things rare,

(ie. I’m not like other poets who, when inspired by a ‘painted beauty’ use heaven and every other beautiful thing on the planet to make a grand comparison to their muse: he specifically lists the sun and moon as examples as well as other beautiful things)

He then goes on to say

And then believe me, my love is as fair As any mother's child, though not so bright As those gold candles fixed in heaven's air:

(ie. my love [the FY] is as beautiful as any other beautiful person, though I wouldn’t compare them to the stars/heavens (which is what he means by the 'gold candles’. those are stars.))

So shakespeare insults poets who compare their subjects to the sun, moon, and stars (amongst other things) and in the comics, Joe does literally exactly that

That man is the stars in my sky, and the sun that lights my days. That man is the moon when I'm lost in darkness, and warmth when I shiver in cold.

shakespeare also goes on to say in the same sonnet “Let them say more that like of hearsay well / I will not praise that purpose not to sell” which is to say ‘let people who like that kind of language use it, I wont because I don’t want anyone else to have the subject of my affections (the FY)’.

(which is a bit of a contradiction regarding his feelings abt the FY getting married, but these sonnets are full of contradictions. shakespeare was a confused dude; man spent the first 100 or so sonnets convinced the FY loved him back only for him to start wondering if the FY ever loved him near the end)

(not to mention Marriage For Love wasnt really.. much of a thing in Ye Olden Times but thats a different conversation. so shakespeare prolly didnt associate marriage with love/competition? anyways)

Shakesy-boo goes on to complain about this rival several times. In #79, he says

Yet what of thee thy poet doth invent He robs thee of, and pays it thee again. He lends thee virtue, and he stole that word From thy behaviour; beauty doth he give, And found it in thy cheek: he can afford No praise to thee, but what in thee doth live.

(ie. everything ‘your poet’ (as the FY apparently favored this unnamed rival) says about you, he takes it from you in the first place. he talks about your virtue, but learned the word from watching your behavior. he calls you beautiful but only discovered beauty by looking at your face. every compliment he gives you he took from you in the first place)

[and, as a smaller example, he also bemoans the fact that people want to paint the FY in #67, saying, “Why should false painting imitate his cheek, / And steal dead seeming of his living hue?”. and yknow. Joe’s an artist.]

And then another example in #86

Was it the proud full sail of [the rival’s] great verse, Bound for the prize of all too precious you, That did my ripe thoughts in my brain inhearse, Making their tomb the womb wherein they grew?

Was it his spirit, by spirits taught to write Above a mortal pitch, that struck me dead?

(ie. he’s talking about how he’s having difficulty writing abt the FY and is rhetorically asking if ‘the proud sail’ of the rival’s verses was the reason his ‘ripe thoughts’ were killed in their ‘womb’. He then asks (again rhetorically) if it was the rival’s ‘spirit’ (or creativity, maybe) ‘’’‘by spirits taught to write’’’’ that killed his own drive to write. none of the analyses I’ve read really explain what shakespeare means by ‘spirits taught to write’, other than maybe being a joke or reference to something we dont know, but... ‘taught by dead people to write in a way mortal people can’t’ very much sounds like a description of an immortal poet, eh?)

Which brings me to,

  D. Willy Boy Thinks There Are 500 Year Old Writings About the Fair Youth

shakespeare talks about people having written about the FY ‘500 years ago’ from the late 1500s in #59 which......................... would have been around 1100 AD. :thinking face:

Oh that record could with a backward look, Even of five hundred courses of the sun, Show me your image in some antique book, Since mind at first in character was done, That I might see what the old world could say To this composed wonder of your frame;

(ie. Oh if I could look back 500 years and see how you were described in some old books so I could see/reference what people used to write about you)

Which again brings me to,

  E. I’m Not Saying shakespeare Stole From Joe, But:

1.) In #22, shakespeare says this,

For all that beauty that doth cover thee, Is but the seemly raiment of my heart, Which in thy breast doth live, as thine in me: 

(ie, your beauty is due to the ‘clothes’ my heart gives you-- probably means something like ‘you’re beautiful because i love you’. goes on to say his heart lives in the FY’s chest, and the FY’s heart lives in shakespeare’s chest)

so: shakespeare tells the FY he has shakespeare’s heart. in comparison, Joe calls nicky ‘my heart’ in the comics...... :thinking face x2:

2.) In #109, shakespeare tells the FY ‘thou art my all’,

For nothing this wide universe I call, Save thou, my rose, in it thou art my all.

which rings similar to Joe’s ‘he’s all and he’s more’ as well as (from the comics) ‘he is my everything’

and just saying. joe looks pretty #done the mention of shakespeare.

  F. The last One

Despite shakespeare writing 30+ poems about the FY eventually growing old, the very last poem he writes about/for the FY says,

O thou, my lovely boy, who in thy power Dost hold Time's fickle glass, his sickle hour; Who hast by waning grown, and therein showest Thy lovers withering, as thy sweet self growest. 

(ie. you [the FY] have power over the ‘mirror’ (fickle glass) of time as well as time’s ‘harvesting’ ability (sickle hour) and as you grow older, you remain beautiful while your lovers [shakespeare] wither and grow old)

The transition from ‘get married and have a baby before you get old!!!!’ in #1-20 to talking about the FY’s presence in 500 y/o books in #59 to admitting the FY isn’t growing old in #126 kinda seems to imply shakespeare learning of/about nicky’s immortality at some point, and this last poem is him accepting it.

TLDR: not only does it make perfect sense if nicky was the Fair Youth from the FY sonnets, but it also makes perfect sense if joe was the Rival from the FY sonnets. its canon nothing will convince me otherwise

[nanstgeorge]

“little garden” implications

starting to think that “little garden” = fandom elain and this was sjm’s way of subtly tackling how she has been reduced to her hobbies and overlooked by characters & the fandom for her traditionally feminine characteristics. this has even led some people to determine her possible endgames (ex; lucien and tamlin) for the series just because she likes gardening. not because she has expressed interest in them, but because she likes gardening so that automatically means she must end up with someone associated with flowers.

im not opposed to elain somehow taking over spring court or ending up with lucien (if the story convinces me lmao) but there’s an issue with sticking her there just because it seems like it works. like elain residing at spring court has been a popular fan theory since the beginning of the series but every book that has been released only seems to disprove it even more? she has never explicitly said she wanted to live there, even chosen a life for herself at night court, but fans and the inner circle just took this idea and ran.

“But Elain.... The Sprint Court had been made for someone like her.” (Nesta)

“Elain in black was ridiculous. Yes, she was beautiful, but the color of her long-sleeved, modest gown leeched the brightness from her face. It wore her, rather than the other way around. And he knew the cruelty of the Hewn City troubled her. But she hadn’t hesitated to come. When Feyre had offered to let her remain home, Elain had squared her shoulders and declared that she was a part of this court—and would do whatever was needed. So Elain had let her golden-brown hair down tonight, and pinned it back with twin combs of pearl. He’d never once in the two years he’d known her found Elain to be plain, but wearing black, no matter how much she claimed to be part of this court … It sucked the life from her.” (Cassian)

i’d say that it’s arguable whether or not nesta truly has an accurate depiction of elain now that we have a more in-depth portrait of nesta’s mind and childhood. of course this was not cultivated by nesta herself, with much help from her mother, but elain is still a child to nesta. a child who is a bartering tool between her and her disfigured dynamic with feyre. a child who is a reminder of her own insecurities. essentially, this quote from acosf sums it up, “nesta made her own choices, but our mother laid the ground work.”

“Elain is pleasant to look at, but she has no ambition. She does not dream beyond her garden and pretty clothes. She will be an asset on the marriage market for us one day, if that beauty holds, but it will be our own maneuverings, Nesta, not hers, that win us an advantageous match” (Mama Archeron)

“It doesn’t matter what I think. Go back to Feyre and your little garden.”

Elain, sweet and oblivious.

Elain was like a dog, loyal to whatever master kept her fed and in comfort.

But to let Elain involve herself, jeopardize her safety—

“Look who decided to grow claws after all. Maybe you’ll become interesting at last, Elain.”

“Always defending sweet, innocent Elain.”

Challenge filled each word. Challenge—from Elain, of all people.

Elain stepped closer, brown eyes wide. Undoubtedly wholly convinced of her own innocence, her innate goodness.

Elain had accepted his death as inevitable. She hadn’t bothered to fight for him, as if he hadn’t been worth the effort, precisely as Nesta knew she herself wasn’t worth the effort.

It was inevitable, Nesta supposed, stomach churning. She was the monster. Why shouldn’t the two of them band together and shove her out? Even if she’d foolishly believed that Elain had always seen every horrible part of her and decided to stick by her anyway.

now onto feyre, who has always had a softer but different opinion of elain. this doesn’t mean it’s accurate to how elain is or was, but it’s safe to say that this was an opinion that wasn’t stemmed out of their mother’s mind. this is not to villainize nesta, but merely explain how elain was never made out to only be a “pretty face” to feyre. but of course it’s important to remember that she isn’t scotch free for how she acted in their childhood.

It wasn’t that Elain was cruel. She wasn’t like Nesta, who had been born with a sneer on her face. Elain sometimes just … didn’t grasp things. It wasn’t meanness that kept her from offering to help; it simply never occurred to her that she might be capable of getting her hands dirty.

Perhaps buried it a bit, but she was generous, loving, and kind—a woman I found myself proud to know, to call sister.

Elain mouthed my name but kept cowering, kept her head down.

Elain, who had been gentle and sweet.

I had not painted in years at that point, had not dared spend the money on myself … But Elain had.

She had looked at that cottage with hope; I had looked at it with nothing but hatred. And I knew which one of us had been stronger.

“She loves her garden. Always loved growing things. Even when we were destitute, she managed to tend a little garden in the warmer months. And when—when our fortune returned, she took to tending and planting the most beautiful gardens you’ve ever seen. Even in Prythian. It drove the servants mad, because they were supposed to do the work and ladies were only meant to clip a rose here and there, but Elain would put on a hat and gloves and kneel in the dirt, weeding. She acted like a purebred lady in every regard but that.”

nesta and feyre both have two different feelings regarding elain but they are similar in that they both believe she needs to be protected. it’s pretty clear when elain reminds them of how they only thought of her trauma when it affected them.

“Elain was right. We’ve become so focused on how her trauma impacted us that we forget she was the one who experienced it.” (Feyre)

quite honestly, it’s the inner circle members who are aware of elain’s potential and look at her as not defenseless compared to her sisters. this of course makes it’s quite ironic that she’s used as “pawn” to get nesta to stick her neck out. moving on, it’s specifically azriel, who is someone she chose to create a bond with and probably knows her best. cassian also may be someone who considers elain to not truly belong to night court but does shift his opinion on her overall character.

“Including Elain, who is more than capable of defending herself against the darkness of the Trove, if she chooses to. Don’t underestimate her.” (Amren, oops)

“Nesta was wrong, Cassian realized, to think of Elain as loyal and loving as a dog. Elain saw every single thing Nesta had done, and understood why.” (Cassian)

“I think she’s kind, and I’ll take kindness over nastiness any day. But I also don’t think we’ve seen all she has to offer.” (Rhys)

rhysand is also someone who slowly begins to see elain in a different light as well as feyre by the end of the book. in fact, it takes rhys expressing his opinion of elain, as someone who didn’t grow up with her, for feyre to see things differently. it takes rhys, who brings back up the first description of elain in the series, for feyre to recollect another element of elain.

“It wasn’t meanness that kept her from offering to help; it simply never occurred to her that she might be capable of getting her hands dirty.” (Feyre, ACOTAR)

“Don’t forget that gardening often results in something pretty, but it involves getting one’s hands dirty along the way.” (Rhys, ACOSF Bonus)

“Have you ever seen Elain act like that before?”

“No. I mean, she’s been brave when she had to be, but she’s never been confrontational.”

“Maybe she’s never been given a chance to be that way.”

“You think I stifle her?”

“Not you alone. But I wonder if everyone has spent so long assuming Elain is sweet and innocent that she felt she had to be that way or else she’d disappoint you all.”

in conclusion, elain is a character who’s journey is yet to be complete. the first real choice she had was to not hunt for the family but essentially, she’s been deprived of real choice and independence her entire life. besides being pretty and marrying well, not much has ever been expected of her until she left the garden of her childhood and planted her own. while she may have been turned against her will, elain found solace in dedicating her attention towards the garden in the archeron mansion, night court and all those who resided there. gardening and growing things is something she chose; not something that was inflicted upon her (such as a mating bond.)

elain does not belong somewhere or with someone because she gardens. we have seen countless times over that she can make her own place anywhere but she chose to make a home at night court.

[themoontaxi]

hi hanna! many congrats on 100, lovely ! <3

this celebration is so cute and creative it took me so long to decide

🧁, 🍦(taylor swift , speak now), 🥞 (large) 🍓 and 🍫

congrats again, and here’s to so many more milestones! :)

- lilacprentiss

neveah <33333 i finally finished it!

it took me an eternity but here we are 💞

first up your lil mood board 🍫 it’s my first :)

you can find the playlist to it here: 🥞

(i added ten more songs since you waited so long :) and put them in an order that i thought had a nice flow)

here’s my thought process while choosing the tracks:

paradise, beautiful, gold, iridescent, heaven, easy to love & all this and heaven too describe your blog, content and you perfectly 💛

the last unicorn because you’re a silver lining in dark times & your grace is unmatched - to a point where some might get jealous and try to hunt you down

too shy & noticed because i’m so glad we’re mutuals and your tags under my posts always make me smile, i’d love to talk more but i’m shy haha

daffodils, magnolias & black water lilies elegant flowers for an elegant lady 🌺

daydreaming & so close to magic because your blog is simply enchanting

white flag & heart of gold because you seem peaceful and kind 🤍

god is a woman and she has your name

aber ohne dich (but without you), i know alone, if i ever lose your love, let your good heart lead you home, herz (heart) & heart-shaped box because you may feel lonely sometimes, but your heart will go on, you deserve a happy-end

stay awake & your moon hello fellow nighthawk 🌚

salt, honey & stars and butterflies just random things i love and associate with you 🦋

every cloud, cloudy shoes & lila wolken (lilac clouds) because i loooved your cloud theme and you often bear the ☁️ emoji

trust & devotion because i’d always trust your eye for aesthetics and you’re devoted to your creations <3

flower of the desert flowers again, mixed with the enduring thing - one drop of water will keep you going

stardust & moonstone are you sure you’re human? you seem ethereal to me ✨

wisdom cries & when i was older because i think you’re wise for your age

i could cry just thinkin about you need i explain?

your 🧁 <3

since you probably can’t speak german: the song is about the ephemerality of perfect moments, about everything moving so fast that it’s nice to slow down sometimes, about falling into your lovers‘ arms and disregarding everything else for a short eternity

Kannst du mich noch einmal in den Arm nehm'?

can you wrap your arms around me one more time?

Noch einmal in den Arm nehm'

wrap me in your arms again

Zieh‘ mich so nah wie's geht zu dir

pull me as close as possible

Und dann dreh’n wir uns langsam

and then we’ll spin slowly

Gegen die Uhr der Zeit

against the hands of time

Langsam

slowly

they were my favorite german band for the longest time :)

as for your 🍦, here are my top 5:

enchanted

sparks fly

haunted

better than revenge

mine

excellent choice btw! and usually i’d tell you my all time favorite songs now as well, since i know taylor swift of course, but i fear i would simply be listing her whole discography lmao

and lastly, your 🍓:

magnolias are my favorite flower, i have two trees in my mother’s garden that i adore with my whole heart

the last unicorn was my favorite movie as a child, although i did get quite a few nightmares from it

clueso (the guy who sings aber ohne dich and herz) is from the capital of my state/region. maybe that’s why his music feels like coming home

lena (who is featured here with stardust) was my idol from 4th grade on for some years. her first album was the first cd i bought for myself

since there were so many songs i couldn’t decide haha

i really hope you enjoy(ed) this, it took so long and was made with love 💜

i would appreciate it so much if you would let me know about your experience here <3

thanks for visiting!

[bestworstcase]

Ok, based off of Moira saying ‘this is why I never went to church!’ Do Saporians have an organized place of worship for any deities? Are there masses or whatever held for Zhan Tiri? Is it a weekly or monthly thing, or are some ppl super devout and worship on the daily? Zhan Tiri does have a statue that gets offerings, was it common to do that pre-conquest, did they have small altars or shrines inside? Are there traditional prayers to Zhan Tiri by fishermen against storms? (All the questions!)

broadly speaking char malách has temples, cathay has barrows, and zhan tiri has henges or gardens. and then you get shrines everywhere - big ones in public squares or government buildings, and smaller ones in private houses and so on it’s very. everywhere. and then there’s places that aren’t like... places of worship specifically but are held as sacred grounds by their cults. so, uhhh

thorn syconium / zhan tiri

cashághē is the formal name of the socona henge, about five miles east of socona and right up against the edge of the peatland just south of the pingora mountains. it was always one of the larger henges and it’s one of the few that escaped being completely dismantled by coronans during the occupation, mostly because the nature of the terrain made it too hard to get to on horseback. so now it’s the seat of the syconium and kind of the place where henge holidays are formally celebrated. 

the syconium doesn’t really do... like anything resembling mass or sermons, organized worship is very oriented around henge holidays, of which there are... eleven (sometimes twelve) minor ones per year and then five major festivals. the five major festivals are like if you’re pious, if you’re observant at all of the syconium’s tenets, you go to a henge to observe the festivals if you can, and if you can’t then you do the observance at your own shrine. and then the minor henge holidays occur every month on the fifteenth of the month, they’re called crēzáthanchīl / lady’s day, and you Can go to a henge for them if you want to but only deeply devout people do that. they’re pretty much just days of rest and, traditionally, feasting.

the five major festivals are: 

azdīnach - the vernal equinox:

this one is kind of weird because, um, the sorchān calendar has a three year cycle of full year (ghaénīchē), small year (ghoshnīchē), and long year (nicheílean) and. in full years, the equinox happens on the 26th of araeháziray, which is the final month of the year and the last  month of the ‘formal’ winter season. and then small years don’t... have a spring equinox, hence the name. and then long years have two spring equinoxes, one on the 9th of azlóhot, which is the first month of the year and the first month of the ‘formal’ spring season, and then one on the 19th of the intercalary month shaecaher, at the very end of the year during what’s called ‘little spring.’

so because of this weirdness azdīnach is a festival very concerned with beginnings and endings. the spring azdīnach is the ideal time to open a new chapter of your life; the winter azdīnachs are best for letting go of things that have been harming you. if you’re a farmer or gardener you start planting on azdīnach, if you have a child you name them during the festival or at least hold off on announcing their name to the community until the festival, and one of the biggest components of the festival is funerals! for everyone in the community who has died since the last one. 

[there is no burial or equivalent component of saporian funerals, so it’s like - within the syconium, when someone dies the burial rites are done and the body is planted right away, and then you hold the memories until the next azdīnach and everyone in the community participates and mourns together.]

cresilínaeraegh - the summer solstice:

the saporian name for this one translates as ‘flower-maker’s day’ and out of the five it’s definitely the one that is the most. like fun. the festival itself is generally just kind of a big party, there’s a feast, there’s history songs, and prior to the conquest it was mostly notorious for being extremely loud and often very drunk gkjslkdjf. but theologically what cresilínaeraegh is about is commemorating the creation of ki itself, which was a joint… effort would be a strong word since it was kind of an accident LMAO but a joint project of zhan tiri’s and ri ni’n’s and huma’s and turul’s! and then this gets generalized into a celebration of life and growth in general. 

azchīlál - the autumnal equinox:

 so. this is kind of the shadow twin of corona’s festival of lights, in that the festival of lights is kind of ‘we are saying goodbye to the sun and bracing for the winter to come’ and has this big focus on symbolically remembering and honoring the sun in order to survive until spring. and azchīlál is more like ‘we are ritually killing the sun to perpetuate the endless cycle of rot and renewal’ KLASDJFK. azchīlál is the one where you get the ceremonial sacrifice of goats and other animals. harvests during the day and the sacrifices / feasts / revel after sundown. 

tároshdhan - 15th of tárosh

this is one of the lady’s days but it’s the important one, and of the five major festivals it has the most significance and like, weight. traditionally it’s considered the day zhan tiri achieved or discovered choimghē (so, the day she ate ri ni’n), although i tend to think sorchā fudged the dates here a little bit. tároshdhan is very very very heavily associated with magic and the mingling of the profane and sublime. it’s kind of a witch’s holiday; magic is thought to be most potent on tároshdhan, there’s a lot of syconium rituals that are properly supposed to be performed or begun or ended on tároshdhan, stuff like that. (the crēdathámanē takes several years and is supposed to both begin and end on tároshdhan). the festival itself is accordingly pretty focused on magic and ritual. 

crēlādīnacharogh - the winter solstice:

this one translates as ‘sun-eater’s night’ and in a similar vein as cresilínaeraegh it commemorates the slaying of jinarche and creation of the cosmos by [what would become] zhan tiri. in contrast to cresilínaeraegh though it’s a very solemn holiday! it’s kind of an accounting of wrongs and it’s kind of equally about atonement and retribution. crēlādīnacharogh is both a time for making amends or laying grudges to rest and for striking back against those who have harmed you, and there’s whole theological arguments to be had about identifying when the former is appropriate and when the latter is necessary. it has a reputation for being the bloodiest and most dangerous of the syconium’s holidays and prior to zhan tiri’s banishment i think that reputation was pretty earned because. if zhan tiri decided to smite you this is the day she’d do it. jksdfkj

it also has an element of paying reverence to huma, which is a really common characteristic for winter solstice holidays throughout the world because of the ‘humaic winter,’ which rosalia references in moonless air 13 and which - basically early in the shattered era one of huma’s cults pissed her off so she took the sun away. for six months. which caused famines and freezes and obviously it was night all over the world for six months while people frantically petitioned their gods for help. gkjsdjkf and then after that she was cajoled into bringing the sun back but this obv had an enormous cultural impact and now virutally every culture across the globe has some sort of holiday that boils down to ‘appreciate the sun or she might disappear again’ and also a big part of the reason why huma, despite being the third oldest god around and supremely powerful, has only a teeny tiny handful of small cults scattered around.

anyway! other important places for zhan tiri in saporia include: 

janus point/cresezáhan - a much smaller ceremonial henge built around a yew tree zhan tiri inhabited from time to time, enough to imbue it with her power. unlike cashághē it’s not the sort of henge you’d go to for holiday festivals; it was used for specific rites and by witches who would visit it to collect magic.

 stashalaghē - the pitch pond sirin visits in benighted chapter 2. like cresezáhan it’s a deep reservoir of zhan tiri’s magic, and specifically it’s located in the hollow zhan tiri tears in the peatland in this snippet. there’s no henge built around it because, for personal reasons, zhan tiri didn’t want one there, but it’s otherwise used the same way janus point is. 

the charcāthēn gardens - these don’t actually exist anymore, but they were a sprawling, half-wild garden in charcāthēn’s religious quarter prior to the conquest. sorchā grew them, maintained them, and lived in them, and they were kind of a cross between open-air theater, community garden, school, and nest.

 lady’s point/crēchíol - all that’s left of this is the defaced statue of the lady cassandra sees in benighted chapter 22; it used to be a much more elaborate and well-maintained shrine. this one was built by źatīr thēshala after they swore fealty to her and - kjsdfjk yes alcorsīan sailors would leave offerings there (of shells and bits of seaweed usually!) for good luck before they disembarked. 

and then anyone who keeps a garden or a farm or anything where they’re growing plants or keeping animals will probably have a shrine to zhan tiri somewhere. prior to the conquest this was often like, literally a little statue you’d stick in the garden somewhere, but in modern times it’s a lot more common to have like, ‘stealth’ shrines where it’s like, a murex shell tucked away somewhere or a bundle of feathers tied to the side of a planter box or something like that that a coronan wouldn’t be able to identify as an icon of zhan tiri. 

the splendorous temple / char malách

 pre-conquest there were large, elaborate temples in each of saporia’s major cities - artois, alcorsīa, and charcāthēn - with the one in charcāthēn doubling as a seat of government where the thaómazhatēm convened. the one in artois was torn down during the occupation, the one in alcorsīa survived for a lot longer but was effectively barricaded by coronans and sat empty and neglected for centuries until it was also torn down about a hundred years ago, and the one in charcāthēn has been gutted and is partly in ruins but also still in use, albeit secretly. 

services in the temples also don’t really. bear any resemblance to mass - there’s no preaching and i think of it as being more akin to like, a creative workshop? the temple in charcāthēn definitely skirts around the illegality of ternary worship by fronting as an arts school ajksdfjk and i think if a coronan stumbled into a service they… really wouldn’t see anything amiss unless they knew what to look for and where and knew enough saporian to recognize epithets of char malách. and then there’s also i think a really strong culture of like, small group philosophizing where you get together with some friends and a cháthar and just talk over tea.

i think of the splendorous temple as having tons of little holidays scattered throughout the year and really pious people might observe all of them but most just kind of pick and choose the ones they like! a lot of them involve lighting fires in some capacity jksdf. but. the Big One is cháraen, which always happens on the 5th of chámchar so the last month of formal summer. and cháraen’s festivities are basically.

- a water fast begins at noon on the preceding day (the 4th). adults who are observing the fast will generally spend the night cooking, because

- you get up at dawn on the 5th and break fast either in the temple itself or in your own community; both options are a potluck style feast where you’re expected to bring your own homemade dishes 

- then for the rest of the day and evening it’s - almost like a fair with music / dancing / street performances but also the idea is you spend the day Making Things, so on cháraen you see a lot of people in the streets with easels and in heavily pious neighborhoods a lot of craftspeople and artisans will open their workshops and give lessons to the public - as a consequence of this a lot of apprenticeships get started during cháraen because it gives professionals an opportunity to spot young people who have the knack for their craft or just seem really passionate about it.

 - at midnight there are huge community bonfires or even like pyres and you ceremonially burn the things you spent the day making.

it’s. meant to be a celebration of the beauty of both creation and destruction, and like a time of reflection on mortality and the finite nature of existence and finding appreciation in what one hands whilst accepting that loss is inevitable but survivable. 

char malách doesn’t have as many sacred places as zhan tiri does because he’s a lot less liable to get attached to specific places but one really significant location for him is laran house & the golden spring. which has actually indirectly shown up in the story, here:

“—And this is ‘Daybreak on the Golden Spring.” Nigel clears his throat as he glides to a halt before the next painting, and Rapunzel gives it a dutiful glance. A tumble of pale stone, dewy ferns; honeycombed with small azure pools. Steam rises off the water in misty suggestions of gold, giving the whole landscape a gauzy, sun-struck look. “Marvelous piece. From Pamona Percy’s garden series; she completed this one in fifteen… forty-six, if memory serves. See how the water shimmers? She mixed powdered nacre with her paints to achieve an iridescent effect.”

it’s a system of hot springs nestled in the pingora mountains - i think of it as being actually quite close to rapunzel’s tower because the idea of calanthe visiting on the regular really tickles me - and laran house is… kind of a cross between an inn and a museum? built just beneath it. it is super off the beaten path, to the point that i don’t think corona is actually aware of its existence. but the springs are sacred to char malách and touched by his magic - the legend is that the springs bloomed in the wake of massive volcanic eruption that was a manifestation of char malách - so laran house is run by the temple and gets a steady trickle of saporian guests.

the barrow makers / cathay 

there is a vast system of interconnected barrows under the hills of śaedhíhran, a town close to charcāthēn that is essentially a fully-fledged city populated entirely by cultists, barrow-wights, and an assortment of criminals and dissidents who aren’t too squeamish to hide out from the law there.

most religious saporians pay reverence to cathay on her holidays and [if they’re not following syconium burial rites and funeral customs instead] during funerals, and otherwise let her be. her cult is largely composed of bone-witches like sitheach, and then undertakers, grave-diggers, barrow-makers and so on, people for whom death is a profession. and then she does get some really extreme little murder cults that pop up now and again but, while mass murders and wars do draw her attention, cathay doesn’t really… care? about individual deaths so murder is not like, encouraged. and the ternary cult is under constant pressure from the syconium and the splendorous temple to not be killing people willy-nilly so it tends to dispatch the murderdeath cults when they pop up gjkdksf anyways

the point being. barrow burials, funerals, and parts of salanmora are open to adherents of the other two cults of the ternary, as are the rites involved when you’re hiring on undead workers (i have mentioned this before i think but a LOT of saporia was built with undead labor, and most pre-conquest saporian buildings will have a little shrine to cathay built into them somewhere as payment for services rendered), and bone-witches are allowed to do temporary reanimation in front of other people, but everything else is closed.

 a key component of the faith is repudiation - bone-witches give up their given and sometimes family names and take on new monikers, they might sacrifice certain memories or feelings, it is… not uncommon for the really highly-ranked ones to have undergone amputations and replaced whole limbs with bone constructs and stuff like that! it’s considered to be one of the strictest and most difficult magical paths not just in saporia but anywhere. and it’s all very secret and even within the cult one’s personal repudiations are considered to be extremely, extremely private information. it’s between you and cathay and nobody else has a right to ask. 

when the cult gathers it’s almost always for wight-raising, which is an Event! traditionally it happens during the closed portions of salanmora or on the 5th of shóldan (in spring), dathamánē (in summer), sicáraen (in autumn), or shalámaer (in winter).

and the difference between temporary reanimation and wight-raising is a temp wight is only viable for a few hours at most - cathay’s magic is propagated through the blood of the caster, so basically with temp wights as soon as the cuts scab over the magic washes out of the corpse. whereas a permanent wight is prepared and usually done by large groups of bone-witches; there’s a variety of different rituals for different kinds of wights - the rite sitheach used with lance in moonless air chapter 8 was pretty much an abridged version of a rite that would, with an actual corpse and a few more bone-witches to help, result in a flesh-wight that wouldn’t rot until the magic unraveled a year or so later. these are the popular choice for undead labor because they’re physically quite a bit stronger than bone-wights and also a lot less intensive to create, vs bone-wights which can last for centuries but are comparatively weak and take a huge amount of effort to raise. 

wight-raising aside a lot of the religous practices in the barrows involve meditation, both individually and in groups, often in magically-induced altered states of consciousness like what happens during the public portion of salanmora. it’s a very. contemplative faith that is very concerned with separation from the individual consciousness and seeing and appreciating and being integrated with the pattern of the collective.

i think the first rite anyone goes through when they become acolytes of cathay is spending the night alone in a crypt or a catacomb with nothing but the dead for company - it’s about facing the reality of death and then relinquishing your fear of it and if you can’t do that then you’re not allowed to fully enter the cult. 

[normal-thoughts-official]

Do you think the polycule has any holiday traditions?

POLYCULE ASK! POLYCULE ASK! POLYCULE ASK! YESSSSSSSSSS

that's actually a pretty interesting question because the polycule is very culturally diverse. like of course we have simon who's jewish, but the rest is kind of in a weird place. i'm pretty sure shadowhunters don't have holidays at all, and since clary was raised by a shadowhunter and a former shadowhunter, i'm pretty sure she would have been raised without any either? like maybe she'd celebrate the gregorian new year because you know, they have to pretend to be mundane after all, but i think that and birthdays were probably pretty much it for her. oh and halloween i guess which is also not religious-affiliated, are there any other holidays in the states? i guess there's the 4th of july and thanksgiving but both celebrate imperialism/colonialism and i don't want to write about that so i'm gonna pretend there aren't. plus i doubt shadowhunters celebrated those either

so ok we have izzy and clary with no holidays, we don't know whether or not maia is culturally christian and i don't wanna just say "yes" by default... and then there's meliorn whose holidays and traditions will be typical to seelie culture, which are gonna be... unique to them obviously. we don't know how they are celebrated, how long they last, what is the milestone, how or even IF they count time - like maybe they go by when a specific flower blooms and that only happens every 10 gregorian years or some shit. so that's a question mark i guess

and there's also the fact that the seelie realm is very politically closed which. i like to think changes once they get rid of the old queen! but it's still a slow process to just allow other people there. then again izzy was a shadowhunter and she used to hop by so it's probably not a huge deal for meliorn to bring their partners and metamours to seelie celebrations? or at least to the ones that aren't Super Sacred or anything. so like parties and dances and stuff like that? yeah. which i guess brings me back to the other "meta" i wrote about seelie dances (link) and what it would be like for the rest of the polycule to participate in those and shit

then... well obviously there's the gregorian new year which we have obviously just gone through (well, we had when i started answering this ask. it's march now so rip. update it's april now. i'm so sorry anon) so like! i think it was always kind of hell for both raphael and maia, autistic icons, because of all the explosion sounds that just made them feel really upset and feel really stupid for it. with raphael i think it was more bearable when he had rosa because she would spend the day with him and hug him and let him squeeze the stress out you know dauhdasuihda also she was always the one he felt the most comfortable stimming in front of. and then after he lost her it only got worse because on top of the fireworks there was the clear absence of rosa that he just FELT everywhere. you know?

and with maia there's the added trouble of her being AMAB and what with being raised to "black men" standarts of masculinity (to be clear, as in: due to racism black men are expected to be even more macho than white men, ESPECIALLY by nonblack ppl; not as in wow black ppl are so backwards or whatever. white ppl invented gender norms anyway so lmao), she was definitely shamed a lot for being so distressed by the fireworks when she was little methinks. we love that combination of transphobia, racism and ableism! so it was just hard and filled with bad memories. and then once she ran away from home it got marginally better without the constant telling her to "man up" and shit like that, but it still came with the added memories you know

and also with them (plus simon) being vampires/werewolves the hearing gets even more sensitive so that's... fun. meliorn realizes it stresses them out and makes up a special kind of spell that muffles their hearing of background noise, so they can feel more comfortable and for the first time there is not that added stress that comes with the new years and it feels so nice?? they even try watching the fireworks but it's kinda like eh, not that great, especially because even looking at them brings out memories you know doahdsaoh so instead meliorn shows them some magic and it's so much prettier with all the glowing lights and stuff, you know?

maybe after that the polycule starts spending the new years in the seelie realm instead, that'd be cute, just like. enjoying that pretty place with all the lights and shit. i think they would all prepare some kind of light show some way or another like using magic and witchlights and whatnot. that'd be cute

as for other holidays! i think their holiday traditions would start with simon's first yom kippur after he was able to eat solid foods again (shut up a potion WILL be created and i don't accept any other option). before that, with simon being unable to eat, he was also obviously unable to fast. he wouldn't feed during yom kippur but it's not like vampires need to drink blood every day so it's not really the same thing. and it felt particularly lonely that, besides being away from his family and community, he also couldn't fast

i mean obviously simon isn't the only jewish vampire in the world, or jewish downworlder for that matter, so i'm sure he makes jewish friends he would at least get together and pray with for yom kippur, and that's what matters the most, really, but being unable to fast when he wants to and also not being able to participate in the break-fast meal just. sucks djdnudhsus

and then he's able to eat and he can do all that again! but it's also kind of emotionally charged for all of the vampires to fast for the first time when for so long they associated not eating with feeling unhuman, you feel? so like it kind of hits all of them hard

so the polycule decides to make him a little surprise and cooks the break-fast meal for them. clary probably knows what simon and his family used to eat after yom kippur so they try to recreate that for him? and maia and raphael are lowkey nervous about it because they had never made stuff like noodle kugel before and while they could at least try it (yay potion!) they have no idea if it's tasting like it should, ya know what i mean? and it's kind of sweet that they are so worried about making this the best possible experience for simon and the closest to home it can get. and simon is super emotional about getting to eat that stuff for the first time, as well as the other vampires, so you know. it's very emotional all around. but in a good way? and i think after that it kind of becomes a tradition that they make him the break-fast meal after yom kippur too

and then the next years they lowkey fuss over him for the last meal before the fast too, which i'm not sure is something simon would do with other people so they would go ham, dude, particularly raphael because he is a worrier first and foremost. so catch his ass all lovingly planning a meal he can make with zero (0) salt whatsoever so simon doesn't get too thirsty during the fast for MONTHS, planning so he gets the most amount of sustenance, lots of fiber, etc., and simon is like "you know i don't even have to eat, right?" but rapha is just all "you know food still matters" and simon doesn't say anything because it does. it matters a lot

and raphael is all sweetly nervous because like... it is a simple meal, that is the point, but he still wants simon to enjoy it and simon can't stop smiling through the whole thing. raphael and the others also eat it with him too in solidarity before simon goes to the synagogue with his community and it's like a sweet send off you know?

also this is not exactly a celebration or a tradition for that matter but since YK is the day of forgiveness i like to think that eventually simon asks for raphael's forgiveness on YK for the whole rosa thing, and although that isn't religious for raphael, raphael asking for his forgiveness for how everything went down, too. and it's just a sweet moment where they leave this whole story behind and look for a better future - i imagine this happening before they get together, so again, it doesn't really count as an answer to your question, but i just thought i'd include it because i find it sweet

then after that there is sukkot and i just really loove the idea of them helping him build the sukkah (for those who don't know, the sukkah is a hut covered with vegetation under the open sky, where jewish ppl live in for the duration of the sukkot). i know that they could just buy a certified one but where is the fun in that when we could have shenanigans? also i think that that would have been part of simon's personal/family traditions because i bet him and becca loved to build the sukkah for their family. so like on that spirit it is a little sad that they can't help each other with that anymore since simon can't be seen by the rest of his family, but of course as soon as he mentions it and how fun it used to be the whole polycule is Immediately On Board. let's help simon build his sukkah!

first of all other than simon none of them have ever built a sukkah before and simon usually followed becca's lead tbh, also he's just not great to Lead And Control people in general, and the polycule is already messy as all fuck. so it's a disaster, especially with raphael and simon's superspeed and strength thrown into the mix, and meliorn's almost impossible to hold back mischievous nature. izzy is lowkey responsible for keeping them in check and okay now that i think about it clary might have helped simon's family build it before, especially when she was a kid because kids just love that shit, but i don't know if she would remember the steps tbh (read: she wouldn't remember the steps) so yeah all in all the sukkah falls down more often than not and they might have to replace a few materials when simon and raphael accidentally snap their bamboo poles in half. rip

meliorn is probably all like "you are all weak and pathetic, i am a seelie, i can literally control living things. simon needs a vegetable covering? watch me get all the nearby trees to form a beautiful roof" and simon is like "actually the sechach cannot be alive" and meliorn slowly dies because they have no power over dead nature. also simon forbids magic usage in general because this needs to be an authentic building experience for him, so meliorn is left as the most useless one since they only have experience building these things using magic and the help of the trees or whatever

also i bet they would love to go EXTREMELY hard on the lights and decorations. i know that hassidic and to my understanding general orthodox jewish communities don't decorate the sukkah but i don't hc simon as part of those communities so i think he would want to decorate the sukkah. like even if it isn't fully covered in decorations, he would want what few he has to be well done, you know what i mean? like he would want to make the holiday posters himself (i dont know if it would be appropriate for clary to help make these but if it would, she totally would and i like the idea of simon giving her a very specific prompt to make the posters and clary doing it for him, you know? and maybe them all helping paint it with colorful themes), making decorations, and okay, at the very least fairy lightning? please? come on. it's another whole ass dramatic experience to get electricity in there so that's fun for sure, but i think meliorn and maia in particular would be all over the idea of making a pretty lightning system, and simon is definitely not gonna complain because he loves pretty things and the idea sounds rad. raphael smiles fondly through it all and basically saves the day by being the only one with organizational skills who is actually able to help them make a working plan for the sukkah

(catch these idiots making a blueprint. TRY and tell me they wouldn't)

(every year they make a new blueprint and the sukkah has different designs and proportions - always following the requirements like having four at least 32 inches tall walls, of course - and they start completely anew. the sechach must always be new but not the general structure, but they redo the structure anyway because again, it's fun)

and then of course they have meals together in the sukkah for the duration of sukkot and just idk i really dig the idea of the lot of them holding trays of food wearing oven mitts as they get inside and turn on the lights and it feels really nice and sweet you know? and then of course promptly turns kind of messy because it's their way but that's what they want. also, at least once a year they manage to sneak becca in for a meal with simon in the sukkah and they are just both so happy and aaaaa :')

and that's how "kidnapping" becca so she can see simon and his sukkah becomes another tradition lmao. they do it in the most dramatic full of flair way they possibly can while still not being found out and then promptly tell simon all about it in the most dramatic and exaggerated retelling during the meal, which always makes both simon and becca laugh (reality: becca just told her parents she would be off for a few hours to do some school thing or something and then they picked her up and she got a superspeed piggyback ride so she and simon wouldn't miss a minute. their story: "it all began with a carefully planted lie,")

there's also pesach which many (reform) jewish friends of mine have told me they like to do with goyim because the whole point of that holiday is to welcome strangers and share jewish history, so i think simon would like to do that as well. so yeah i think simon would enjoy having them with him during the Pesach Seder - again i think simon would want to be with his other jewish friends but it would be fun because they all could bring their pet goyim that they know would be respectful and nice to have around, run the Seder, and celebrate with them. also for their first one i think simon would have gotten excited about explaining the order/15 steps to them, so like cue lots of fond looks as simon tells them everything about it, how this is the first time he'll be able to have the feast, the four cups of wine, and how he's excited even to have the bitter herbs again. and then over the years they all become pretty much used to the 15 steps, they come naturally, they know what to expect, they already know the story of the Exodus after retelling it every year, and it's nice both when it's new and he gets to share and when it starts to be something in their element because it became their tradition and they want to be there with simon for the holidays, you know what i mean?

then there's purim!!!!!!!! god they would sure have so much fun on purim it gets me really excited to think about. purim might be the one that they get to participate the most in from what i've seen, and i have lots of thoughts about it, like:

first of all, making hamantaschen!! they each make a batch with a different stuffing and it's lowkey a competition and lowkey a surprise and as always with cooking together it is very fun and homey. and also kind of silly as they usually are, but purim is a holiday that is kind of supposed to be silly and for ppl to let go so it matches that mood, you know what i mean? like they're all covered in flour and "stop trying to LOOK at what i'm making!" and blind testing and stuff

then, food gifts! so from what i've seen it is preferable that the food gifts jewish ppl send each other on purim are sent by a third party, which is usually a kid, but they don't know many kids and i really like the idea of the polycule serving as simon's messengers for the day lmao. going everywhere round the shadow world and beyond ("hey mel since you can portal i have this friend in argentina-") and then bringing him the other gifts people send simon in return :)

dressing up in costumes! there is absolutely no way simon doesn't dress up for purim and the whole polycule is absolutely dragged into it, including an absolutely reluctant raphael. it quickly becomes a tradition tho that they change costumes every year and try to make them funnier and more outrageous (as you do) as time goes by. trust the polycule to turn pretty much everything into a competition. and simon always laughs with so much glee and joy when he gets to see what everyone dresses up as so really, how could they say no?

(maia "wins", like, every year. she is totally huge on costumes and her and simon are very attuned in that sense, so, you know. catch her dressing up as memes and just generally making the most creative costumes. she may or may not think them months and months ahead of time)

maybe they hold purim meals with particularly themed costumes every once in a while when they want to spice it up, but i think generally it's more of a freestyle thing

simon also loves reading the purim torah tbh, it's just fun. and then of course there's the megillah and booing when haman's name is mentioned. they are all banned from using graggers because half of them have superstrength and the other half doesn't technically have superstrength but is still super strong and they destroyed the poor thing on accident after the first ten seconds when they tried

food yay! and the very long meal. they usually get pretty drunk, tbh, at least the ones that can. and just generally i think it's one of their favorite celebrations to do together and more often than not ends in them all curled up together in the couch so u know, that's sweet uwu

and then of course rosh hashanah, which is the holiest joyous day in jewish tradition, so of course it's a huge deal for them all. and i just think they would all be super excited about making the evening (especially the meal ofc) the most incredible for simon it could possibly be. again i think simon would want to spend it with his downworlder jewish friends and community, and they probably have their own synagogue they go to together and everything, so obviously they are all involved in making preparations for rosh hashanah, but i like to think the polcyule and simon's friends' pet goyim would help with what they can as well (provided it's not something that should be done by a jewish person like baking the challah; but if not with cooking, they would at least want to help with stuff like decorations and the like. honestly i imagine all of simon's partners sitting together very seriously with a paper in front of them writing down all the stuff they can do to help with rosh hashanah preparations and everything. especially once they learn that like being happy/joyous is a mitzvah so they're just like "we want to make u as happy as possible then :)" and it's sweet and simon may or may not tear up a little)

and then we have other holidays that aren't associated with religion like halloween, which was kind of implied to be the official downworld holiday, so i'm pretty sure they go big on that too. not dressing up because again, one day where they can all afford to be themselves, but definitely meeting up at the hunter's moon, getting spectacularly drunk, roasting the mundane's costumes, and then once they get back to whichever of them's homes, watching some shitty movies and throwing stuff at the screen together

i'm on the fence about día de muertos. i know it's not exactly a sad holiday but i feel like it is for raphael because it kind of represents everything he's lost - his culture and his family, and he can't even go to the parade during the day, you know, although i'm not sure that would have been his thing, but i do think he would have loved to watch the arrival of the monarchs when he was a kid but he'd have to be in méxico for that. and particularly after he lost rosa i just feel like it would have been so emotionally charged for him, you know? he would definitely make her an altar every year and it would be just... big and well thought-out and something really emotional and important for him, welcoming his little sister back the best he can. and i feel like that's something he'd want to do alone because my boy loves to punish himself

but there are little things i think they would have wanted to do with him, and that they might push a little to be able to, like being with him while he eats by the altar and hearing him tell stories about rosita. and i think they would help him "undo" (?) the altar once día de muertos is over, which is always extra emotional for him and aaa. and then the next day they kind of just get to be with him and cuddle a little bit as he recovers emotionally, you know?

also it has just occured to me that raphael is christian shit fuck fart bitch cock. so okay i guess that puts xmas and easter somewhat on the map? again mostly for food. us latinos celebrate xmas on the eve, not on xmas day, and raphael is totally the insufferable xmas meal obsessed bitch who's on the kitchen all day and refuses to let anyone help (he can't pull that particular stunt for the meals they have for simon's holidays obviously but he can on xmas soo). but it's worth it because it is always a great one. and he also gives a lot of thought into getting everyone presents so that is sweet and it earns him lots of kisses on the cheek and stuff. and that's pretty much it for latino xmas, we don't really do stuff i'm still not convinced gringos haven't made up like the socks and the eggnog and xmas music (????) so it's more lowkey. and i think raphael would keep the more religious aspects of it to the stuff he does at church (again, there are downworlder religious communities idk what to tell u) and for the nursery home. which is not to say that like... oh wow xmas is totally not a xtian holiday! or whatever, just that the version the polycule does is more lowkey on the religious aspects and the things they do together on that day are more about being together with raphael on a day that matters to him, you know, especially since again, he is the only xtian and that's gonna be a sensitive thing for simon especially

and i think for easter it is mostly something they do to shower maia in sweets lmao. again she misses chocolate and i'm sure they spend a lot of their time trying to figure out how to get around that, either be by like trying to make special chocolate that doesn't make her sick or sweets that really really resemble chocolate or that are so good she doesn't even mind that she can't eat chocolate anymore. so that's their tradition for easter (and raphael goes to church ofc)

oh yeah and i forgot valentine's day! i have this funny little idea just for the shits where they have this little thing where they setup one-on-one dates for all the parts that are actually together and each of them lasts, like, 10 minutes (poor maia who dates everyone is just running around town) and it's more about the fun of running around from one day to the other like this is a bad romcom where some bastard is trying to juggle having two (monog) girlfriends at once. but then they actually get all together at the end of the day and trade presents and funny cards both among their dates and metamours ("roses are red, violets are blue, you're my girlfriend's girlfriend, and i love you platonically"). usually ending up with them drunk and debating how exactly they got to this overly complicated arrangement and trying to figure out the best way to explain this to an outsider and trying to make, like, fluxograms that explain all of their different relationships visually and they all look so messy it just leaves them more confused lmao. so yeah it's fun

and i think that's all i've got? i say, as if this answer isn't longer than anyone will have the time to read and took me over 4 months to write. but anyway

a special thanks to "a group where non-jews can ask questions about judaism and jews can answer" on facebook and all my jewish friends for helping me write about the jewish holidays and customs. i also used the following sources: Rosh Hashanah (link), how to build the sukkah (link), more on the sukkah (link), how to celebrate purim (link), more on purim (link), how to celebrate passover (link), what is a passover seder like (link), laws of yom tov (link), yom kippur (link), what to eat before and after yom kippur (link), a classic yom kippur breakfast menu (link), menus for the pre yom kippur meal (link). if there's anything inaccurate or disrespectful, however, please let me know, and feel free to add more ideas as well if you're jewish :)

[thatdamnokie]

so, as everybody knows, our man, the lovely mark strong, turned 57 this past august 5th

since the kingsman films have had a huge influence on several aspects of my day-to-day life (gee, wonder what group of people i could be referring to...), i decided to sit down and do something i’ve been thinking about since getting my medical card earlier this year: getting high as a kite and watching them back-to-back.

to celebrate mark’s birthday, i decided to do another running commentary post like the one i did for rocknrolla ages ago, under the cut. it’s a pretty similar style, which is to say not necessarily super coherent and might be hard to understand if you’ve never seen the movies. D:

there are some mentions of the roanoke society, but not many.

if even just one person finds this mildly entertaining for four seconds, then i’ll have done my job. there is a lot of cursing and this is NOT spoiler-free.

enjoy~

edited 9.1.20 to correct typos and such, please remember that i was Not Sober while i wrote this lmao

how many times have i watched these movies at this point? i don’t even know.  

i always liked the nifty like—retro arcade marv opening animation

and the thing with the tapes! we love book-ending devices!

kingsman: badass motherfuckers worldwide incorporated

like why was merlin even with them? i understand why lee and james would be there, but merlin, was he not acting quartermaster then?

i have SO MANY FEELINGS about lee unwin

i think it haunts harry and merlin more than anyone thinks, but these are fun spy movies so we just don’t talk about trauma and shit, don’tcha know

don’t look at how merlin tears up and tell me he doesn’t drink about it *HEAVILY* later

it’s such a stark contrast to see the 1990s interior vs. what it’s like when eggsy’s grown :(

michelle baby i’m so sorry. you deserved better than this.

and BABY EGGSY

omg. like this scene is both heartbreaking but is also adorable.

colin firth has gd anime legs, that dude had to straight up unfold himself as he stood up lmao

aaannnnd swooping logo, whooooo, goin’ over some mountains~

and mark hamill, ladies and gentlemen!

this whole thing with james deciding to kinda go rogue makes me wish that we knew more about his backstory as well. like, is this james being james, or was this a weird one-off situation and he was just unlucky?

YES unlucky. nobody could plan for the hurricane of sleek destruction that is gazelle

who has one of my favorite aesthetic designs as a villain (although i guess i’d put her more on maybe henchman level? but idk, it seems like valentine looked at her more as a partner, less like an assistant? and they had a very interesting chemistry together too, like i would’ve added more valentine x gazelle scenes)

i would LOVE to be this chill about just—draping blankies over bodies

blankies over bodies sounds like a cool band name

DIBS you guys can’t have it

i am SO GLAD samuel l. jackson gave valentine a lisp!

valentine, to me, does fit a lot of the usual spy movie villain tropes

but since this movie doesn’t take itself super serious, it’s more fun than annoying

and we never hear about any of the other knights?? like

half of this is just gonna be me whining for additional footage that there just wouldn’t have been room for realistically lmao

michael caine, you are lovely

MARK STRONG, LADIES AND GENTLEMAN

WITH LEGS THAT DON’T QUIT AND AN ACCENT THAT I’D DIE FOR

i’m an embarrassment

like let’s all stop and thank god that mark didn’t have time to learn the welsh accent

not that i would’ve been disappointed, because all accents are good accents on this blog

but at this point i can’t imagine merlin as—not scottish

“try picking a more suitable candidate this time”

arthur you DICK

like were you this cold-blooded when lee died, you fuckin’ reptilian-ass son of a bitch

no wonder you were charlie’s pledge person thing

and enter the fabulous taron egerton, stage left!

DEAN you are DISGUSTING

god, michelle, you need better friends, if you were my bro this entire relationship would’ve never happened

;-; and eggsy’s so sweet with his sister! i know there probably wasn’t “room” for it but i AM glad that there are scenes showing that family is one of eggsy’s kinda “core values”or whatever you want to call it

dude is a hufflepuff through and through imo

can you imagine eggsy as a villain? we would be so fucked. he’s sly, he’s smart, he could’ve made life v e r y difficult for lots of people if he really wanted to

but look at him with the squad!

eggsy’s just like the british version of a good ol’ boy

this car scene is some dukes of hazzard bullshit (ramp-jumping and fun car horn aside)

if butterflies are harry’s main symbolic critter, would foxes be eggsy’s? or would it be a pug instead? i guess that’s like asking if harry would be either a butterfly or a cairn terrier, like mr. pickle. let’s say both.

this fandom is pretty on top of character associations like that

you get symbolic associations! YOU get symbolic associations! EVERYONE gets symbolic associations whether they’re actually in the canon or not! don’t have any? don’t worry, we’ll assign you at least one!

the guy playing the interviewing officer is ALSO the patriarch in the witch which i didn’t realize until—like, a while after

and it was while @circlesofbone​ was visiting, and we were just “oh, okay, guess we can’t escape this cast at all, this is fine”

“your father saved my life.”

harry you’re such a fucking peacock, waiting all posted up and posing so you’ll look cool

you big doofus

i’d kill to be inside his head during this first conversation with eggsy though

like is eggsy like lee? is harry seeing lee the entire time he’s talking to his son, in his mannerisms, how he carries himself, how he speaks?

or is eggsy the opposite? which—i don’t know if that would somehow be sadder?

there’s just a lot going on in the background of this bit that’s left up to interpretation

“although i’m sure it’s well-founded—“

harry’s just so casual about this entire thing, nobody’s that casual without practice

harry you rabble-rouser, what kind of life have you led

“manners. maketh. man.”

our timeless motto, my flowers

kingsman STILL to this DAY has some of the most well-choreographed fight scenes i’ve ever seen??

like yeah the church scene but even just this initial bar fight

harry could’ve been a dancer

in a way i guess he already is

like he moves so fluidly and gracefully, it is BONKERS

colin you did so good! i’m so proud!

the way eggsy’s just O.O

whether or not you ship hartwin, like, you gotta admit, that was hot

and his BODY LANGUAGE, he’s sitting like RAMROD straight, this poor dude lmao

nobody prepares you for a situation like that in public school is all i’m saying

harry, exiting stage left like a suave, smooth motherfucker

remember when iggy azalea was relevant

ugghhhh i hate this part

“I WASN’T WITH NO ONE”

can you imagine being harry hart listening to your dead friend’s son getting the shit beat out of him

like, surely he heard the cleaver, he knows dean was going to fucking gut eggsy right?

listen to how cold and icy his voice gets, oof

yeah, he’s pissed, and dean is lucky

PARKOUR

ugh, i want to go to london ;-; i want to walk in front of the shop and visit harry’s house and kiss cute english boys

i’d like to think harry’s super excited to show eggsy everything but he’s gotta keep it dialed back because “decorum”

the way eggsy pauses though

“come on.”

and he says it so softly.

if i was eggsy, i’d be nervous, too.

but i didn’t realize how quickly harry tries to give off signals like “hey there’s no reason to be scared.”

“like my fair lady?” “well, you’re full of surprises.” <3 one of my favorite sceneeesss.

harry’s voice is so soothing but eggsy is so freaked out by the elevator that he’s just—there’s no room for anything else beyond processing the elevator lmao

“how deep does this fucking thing go?” asking the real questions

aannnddd KINGSMAN BULLET TRAIN

i’d like to think they have like soft jazz or something playing in there

and then they get to the hangar and there are obviously a buuuuunch of people out on the tarmac that we just—never hear about? i just assume they’re all like technical officers or maybe other agents

“your father had the same look on his face. … as did i.”

harry is already rooting for him.

“late again, sir.”

that. brogue.

fuck, i could listen to him talk for hours, scottish accents are my favorite thing

#squadgoals

not a very diverse cast :/

the body bag speeeeech

and of course nobody was in any actual danger, but merlin doesn’t want them to know that so he becomes mr. hard as steel, i am emotionally stoic at all times, do not test me you bunch of rugrats

“classic army technique.”

ROXY

ROXY I WANT TO JUST HOLD YOU IN MY ARMS TT.TT

aannnnddd charlie, also

who we might’ve found sympathy for if we knew aaannyytthiinnggg else about his backstory

like, could he just be Like That, yeah

but most people i know who are assholes like that are that way because their parents were first /shrug/

can hardly fault the dude for turning out like that when poison was all he was given to drink

anyone else a hundred percent positive they would’ve drowned in the first trial

i would absolutely have panicked and bit it

but then again, i’m not kingsman material, i’m roanoke

and if this is the exact same test that merlin and harry went through, does that mean there might be some weird drowning trauma hidden back in there that’s just ANOTHER thing we’re not gonna talk about?

(yes the correct answer is yes)

god that’s such an american response to the problem though

glass can’t cause problems if it’s in a million pieces!

“yeah you can wipe those smirks off your faces…”

i wonder if there was ever a situation where a trainee actually drowned

and i don’t mean like amelia, i mean some poor kid who just failed the test

merlin knows how to put the fear of god in people though!

and mark strong, very handsome, yes, very scary, also yes

he and colin both look like they’re 80 percent leg in every single scene

harry literally had brain matter smatter ALL OVER HIS FACE and still somehow had the mental facilities to be aware of those dudes, leave a bomb and dive out of a window (and then escape said dudes)

billy badass, y’all

“just get it done.” okay, i took back what i said earlier, maybe he does see her as more of an assistant, less than a partner. their relationship is weird.

the puppy scene!

“it’s a bulldog innit?”

YASSSS the golden trio

because of what happened with our other canon charlie has become a weird character for me to watch, like, yeah, i “watch” charlie be himself in tss but the charlie i “see” is like—”our” charlie.

“bollocks!” and then he just runs with jb in his vest, makes me smile

aannddd we see valentine’s super cool factory

harry your hair gets so long <3

“water!” wow, who wants to bet that the fact he was instantly screaming means that maybe he’s gonna have some stuff to talk about in therapy later

roxy baby i’m sorry they made you hold the balloon and have to trust these dumbasses to not shoot you on accident

i would trust roxy to not shoot me

i love, love love valentine’s house

it’s gorgeous

set design is always such a cool way for filmmakers to include details about a character using pure aesthetics and i’m such a slut for it

tilde!

see also: one of the characters done the WORST by these movies imo!

the fact that she not only says no, she says no with enthusiasm and gets blatantly pissed, is one of the best insights we get into tilde’s character and then it just—gets wasted

like it takes three steps and then gets mowed down in the hallway like her guards

i would never be given the opportunity to be asked if i wanted an implant but i draw the line at having stuff put into my neck

awwww harry’s so proud!

that finger point “yeah, see, be more like your uncle”

merlin is SO TALL

“a bit much innit?”

he’s just—tapping a normal clipboard

… nobody wanna talk about how that’s a normal clipboard

anyway

i also love how they show him in professor sweaters for the beginning acts of the movie

definitely a softer aesthetic than one would guess for a dude who apparently did field missions sometime within the past decade or so, but i also have a theory that lee’s death directly contributed to merlin maybe being the man behind the screen as opposed to afield

because trauma is a thing but this is a FUN movie so we’re NOT gonna talk about it

“you’re gonna be all right. you’re top of the class!” this was the scene that made my mom a reggsy shipper

regardless of how you feel about them as a couple, their friendship is one of the best things about this movie, along with their dynamic with charlie, asjdnaskdjna WHY could we not have had a trio movie instead

eggsy you show-off “lemme just throw my arms up and dip outta this plane like it’s not a big deal”

roxy you can do it!

ugh, there goes my baby, off to have a near-death experience under merlin’s immediate supervision lmao

“good girl, rox, glad you made it!”

guys, they’re just kids.

i love this big group scene because it reminds us that these are just young folks, still

“my, my, you’re all very cheerful...”

“rufus, come on!” dude eggsy—and not even just eggsy, charlie and rox too--at least made an attempt at teamwork. you get points for that bro

but man, for all they know, they’re about to beef it in a very permanent way, i’d be freaking out too

merlin getting caught up in the drama

because again, he’s supposed to know that eggsy has a parachute

i think he wasn’t prepared for these two to get that close to not making it and that’s why we see him break face and drop his mug

*WHAM*

i HATE the sound of them landing

it’s not like you can hear bones breaking but it hurts me, guys

and then there were three

plus one daddy long legs quartermaster

“if you have a complaint you come here and you whisper it in my ear.”

yes SIR

“you need to take that chip off your shoulder.”

merlin coming’ in with the tough love portion of the kingsman core squad

there’s no reason for me to think harry’s persona was inspired by cruella de ville somehow but i do anyway

she reveals the mcdonald’s and valentine is just :D

idk if he was expecting a specific reaction or was just excited to see a reaction period

valentine is definitely a fun villain, which, given the tone of the movie, makes sense, it’s all supposed to be fun

one of the reasons i love kingsman is that it’s like, this golden ray of goofy cinematic fuckery in a world of grim!dark remakes and other superhero/spy films who are presented as more serious stories

“and thank you for such a—happy, meal.”

harry got a puppy smile

but see, then, here at his house he’s a lot more relaxed with gazelle! like, patting her butt, etc.

maybe what we see of their relationship is dependent on setting, because valentine himself has it compartmentalized?

perrrrrrhaps

“and i am never, EVER GOING TO AGREE!”

tilde, you deserved better, and i think all the weird hate you get from our ohana is unfair

you don’t twist a runner’s ankle before the race starts and then get mad when they don’t win

your story was mishandled from the beginning

asmr: hanging out with the golden trio watching worrying news in the kingsman trainee bunker room

the way he says “biblical sense” lmao

i have never been able to figure out if the way he says that line is supposed to infer spiritual respect, or lack of it, but i might be looking too into it

“it’s an acquired taste, mate.”

what—what would you even do if you were at a club and three people as hot as taron, ed and sophie all came up and start talking to you at the same time

like i know the target got up and left pretty quick because of the training exercise

but i’d be doing it because i’m ugly and if three hot people are all talking me up at a bar something is Bad and Wrong

which—the CAHONES on both eggsy and roxy

they both literally said “yeah i’m willing to die for this organization that hasn’t even given me a permanent place yet, what of it”

look at harry’s dimples in this scene, he is fighting a huge grin, he’s SO PROUD

i know that charlie’s response is supposed to be just more fodder into the “charlie hesketh is a tool” fire

but given that i’m not unconvinced that his home life wasn’t super shitty, like—

idk, this makes this scene a lot less fun to me. it makes it sad.

like, maybe charlie didn’t even want to be there deep down, maybe this was all for like, arthur, or his dad, or some other person he looked up to

and the way merlin looks when he tells charlie to go home, the way that he’s kinda grimacing? i’m wondering if he’s along the same kind of feeling. he’d know more about charlie’s history

have i also mentioned how much i love harry’s war room?

“YES harry!”

an evil plan is being born!

“true nobility is being superior to your former self.”

eggsy is still in his club clothes, so like—has he slept? y’all let those kids sleep after fucking drugging them, right? … guys?

“—when one is popping ones cherry.”

and eggsy is just CHEESING he is SO EXCITED

am i the only one who wants to learn more about the store clerk guy though?

he’s like the one person around who’s legit just there to run the shop

has no idea about any of the spy stuff happening

his name is donald, he’s married with three children and has two spaniels he loves

“THAT is sick.”

i would KILL for this room.

i don’t need anything in here for any reason but still

foreshadowing, foreshadowing, foreshadowing, more foreshadowing—

harry is such a NERD

“put it back, eggsy.”

the amount of self-control it would take to not have a sudden change in expression in that moment, omg

i wonder how THAT gets trained up in kingsman

“i guarantee it.” ha, get it, it’s a reference to that one commercial

“y’all—talk so funny.”

and this all means that they had a contact at that hat shop and got all that info to them before valentine got there, and somehow made sure he did end up buying a hat that they could also successfully put a bug on, how deep does this goooooo

“jack bauer?”

it says a lot about eggsy that out of all the jb’s it could’ve been, it was jack

uggghhhhhh of course they HAD to do this scene with eggsy with arthur

obviously harry couldn’t do it

i just think most of us would NOT be fans of arthur at this point in the movie, we’re all rooting for eggsy, like, he needs this moment with this other character because we gotta drive home that he’s an asshole

also—would have absolutely failed that test

and i’m not sorry at all

“welcome to kingsman--lancelot.”

i was really happy that it was a female agent who ended up getting the handle

aannddd more echoes of past scenes, man, nobody can say that this crew wasn’t intentional with their cinematography

when eggsy rolls the window down you can see his chest moving up and down, like, he is MAD

dean you asshole

so no wonder he gets so pissed that the car suddenly decides “nope, no, we’re not doing this, c’mon”

this entire conversation at harry’s house is—tense

and you don’t pick up on it the first time, i don’t think, but uh

i’m seeing it now

harry’s not just mad, he’s hurt, and eggsy’s furious but he’s also maybe regretting his actions.

it’s these two men who are rapidly trying to figure out their headspaces and trying to figure out how to navigate this situation with each other

and the way eggsy tries to apologize ;-;

kentucky is a beautiful state, actually

ohhhhhh y’alllll

we’re at the churrrccchhhh

we’re gettin’ closer to the coolest part of the movieeeee

it’s telling that gazelle was trying to make sure that they’d be safe

“… so hail satan, and have a lovely afternoon madame.”

the most metal lines colin firth has ever uttered on camera

the siren noise after it’s switched on bothers me in a way i can’t quite articulate

it might be because i have silent hill-colored trauma, who knows

FREEEEEE

BIIIRRRDDDDDDD

THE GREATEST ACTION TRACKING SHOT IN THE HISTORY OF CINEMA

but then eggsy and merlin are reacting aaaanndddd it’s—a lot less fun

because you realize that they’re watching their bro mercilessly slaughter innocent people and not stopping

and still not stopping

and still not stopping

but plot twist, i’m really glad they kept the track going, because if they’d suddenly picked *this* part of the scene to get serious, that would’ve brought the mood down so low that i don’t think there would’ve been any bouncing back

i just

how do people exist who aren’t attracted to harry hart

that man is a machine

and colin worked so hard to be able to do the scene himself, and that work SHOWS, that man cuts a FIGURE

i don’t know how they managed to somber it up just the right amount, either? maybe because they waited for the “fun action sequence” to be over so there wouldn’t need to be noise that had to be masked by a fun rock track?

“… what did you do to me.”

i cannot imagine what harry was feeling in that moment.

the way he spoke it was like he didn’t even have time to be afraid to die

“that tends to happen when you shoot somebody in the head. feels good, right?”

“no, it does not feel good!”

i love that exchange because we normally hear the opposite.

also—whiplash.

mark has this way of expressing grief without showing any—blatant signs.

like merlin’s not especially tearful, or crying, but his eyes look MASSIVE. and SAD. and he has just the tiiiiiniest tremor in his voice.

and eggsy, dude, like, we’ve all had it come on us really quick and suddenly it’s like your chest is pumping like a piston and when did it get so hard to breathe?

ARTHUR you REPULSE me

like look at how egssy’s shoulders sag when he realizes that arthur isn’t on his team

and in a way, this is eggsy’s final test as a kingsman trainee, imo

do you realize how quickly he had to assess what was happening and figure out what to do, all without arthur noticing?

“you are all alone. it is all up to you. remember all you have learned. good luck.”

it’s a very—almost horror-esque situation from that pov

and he passed with flying colors to go on his first true mission, because after he puts on the suit, that’s his visual cue of graduating, if that makes sense

that’s the knight putting on his armor.

“i’d rather be with harry. thanks.”

“so be it.”

*click*

me: *laughing at arthur’s big dumb stupid head*

… man i’d love a replica of that decanter and glasses set though

not to mention that eggsy recognized the flaws in arthur’s character and weaponized them, which is a whole other level of shit that isn’t necessarily easy; he knew that arthur carried the kind of pride that would leave him open

god, he looks so exhausted though when rox has him at gunpoint.

i think he was being pretty serious, about harry

sick helipaaaaaaad

that thing looks vaguely like a rock-‘em sock-‘em robot but in pieces though

more grandpa sweaters <3

man. you can see roxy swallow, you know she’s scared, but then she just sets her jaw and—

roxy baby you are the best i love you

i like the vintage vibe of the mountain lair

i think that’s another visual poke at the aesthetic themes of some of the older, og spy flicks out there

merlin looks SO LANKY walking back to the plane for some reason??

he stays until the last second for roxy. that’s love right there.

“a bespoke suit always fits.”

which can be good spiritual life advice too but that’s a separate conversation

“what the fuck is WRONG with you people?”

and his fuckin’ disco ball

uuggggghhhhh his speech reminds me of so many… “public figures” that i dislike

even though it’s obviously a bad thing that the chips are everywhere, i appreciate that phones and such are being shown in a positive manner (like, michelle talking to someone in the park, people at a ball game taking selfies, people at the beach, etc.) because i get so sick of that anti-tech boomer humor tbh

and the big reveal of eggsy in his suitttt

A KNIGHT IS BORN

“how’s the view?”

“hideous.”

you’re allowed to be crabby baby, you just let it out.

“lookin’ good, eggsy.”

“feelin’ good, merlin.”

merlin is so calm heading into the fortress and i don’t know if it’s because he’s very, very good at compartmentalizing and that’s genuinely how he is at the moment or if he’s that way through extreme self-control and effort

he can rock a pilot’s uniform though

just like eggsy can rock a suit

they’re both so handsome, help

i also wonder how eggsy’s feeling right then

like, i’d imagine that the pressure of having to perform a role to literally save the world would be enough to distract him from the bite of grief

that’s—probably enough to distract everyone, tbh

i a hundred percent believe there are breakdowns we don’t see

i wonder if eggsy told tilde he’d spoken to lindstrum(sp?) after everything was said and done

like, that’d be some kind of weird foreshadowing in hindsight

this scene is anxiety-inducing in a big way so to distract myself i imagine roxy as a mech pilot

dude i’d totally watch sophie in a role like that, like, let her be in a movie like pacific rim, she’d kick ass

and now we have The Chaos

otherwise known as that point when Everything Is Happening All At Once All The Time

also a thing that doesn’t exist in spy movies: hearing damage

because like his voice is right in eggsy’s ear and without it he’d have a LOT harder time surviving

imagine being an agent, merlin trying to talk to you, but something either hits your ear or goes off right next to it and suddenly it’s just silent

SYSTEM FAILURE

YAAASSSSS

WE WIN

GGOOOAAAAALLLLLL

THE AUDIENCE IS DOING THE WAVE

except JUST KIDDING

The Chaos 2 Electric Boogaloo!

merlin with a huge gun: hot, also, very scary

eggsy is just 10000% done

“this is mine. i’ll show you yours.”

i wonder who e man was supposed to be that valentine called.

like is that a reference to a real person that i just did’t catch?

… elon musk? maybe? idk

eggsy slides like a gd anime character

when he uses the rainmaker, it’s just like harry’s protecting him from somewhere else

(oh—wait, technically kentucky, i guess)

“merlin, i’m fucked.” you can hear the anger there. not only did he fail, but he—and everyone else—is about to die

but this? this is the pinnacle of eggsy showing himself as a kingman agent

he was staring death straight in the mouth and STILL

SOMEHOW

REMEMBERED THE IMPLANTS

so i guess if i say that the moment when he puts on the suit is when he becomes a true agent, then maybe this is the moment when he becomes galahad.

*bobs head to pomp & circumstance*

i remember getting a huge kick out of how colorful they made this

because in real life you know a bunch of people literally blowing up would be like—DISGUSTING

viscera everywhere

no fun rainbow mushroom clouds

“i’ve always wanted to kiss a princess.”

ANOTHER knight reference, very clever matthew

mmmmm Do Not Like that noise

aaaannndddd *that* line

which—maybe that’s mr. vaughn’s sense of humor, or what he thinks the sense of humor his core demographic has, idk

but it always kinda rubbed me the wrong way

the mass brawl scenes are edited so like--jarringly compared to the other fight scenes in the movie

that’s probably for a reason

also, a showdown to the tune of something disco: kind of another trope homage

this shot of gazelle is so sick, i love everything about it, she is so cool

this entire fight with eggsy is awesome tbh

we got a little bit of what gazelle can look like in combat earlier with tilde’s guards, but now we get this epic showdown seeing her at her full potential against someone who’s actually a challenge

and the way valentine is shouting for her to kick his ass from upstairs and yelling encouragement lmao that’s how real friends act when there’s a fight

daisy ;-; ugh, that’s the visual gutpunch that makes it juuuuuust serious enough by reminding us of the stakes

which is why it’s fitting that then we see the Slo-Mo K.O.

and that smile with the fun little chimes in the back, lmao

and eggsy, quick on his feet again byyyy being quick on gazelle’s feet—foot—whatever

man, impalement deaths are always fun.

coulda done without the vomiting but that’s also one of valentine’s quirks that makes him different from a cookie cutter villain

aaannddd have a heavy sigh from merlin

that dude needs a full-body massage and a drink

“is this where you say some really bad pun?”

reminder: i love that this movie is self-aware! i could not picture a super serious kingsman movie! i just picture something depressing!

there had to have been a better option besides—this, for this eggsy/tilde ending scene

i’m not saying i’m mad it ended with them fucking, i’m mad that the extent of the joke was anal and that was it.

also the idea of my boss possibly seeing me having sex would have me a little more concerned about the hardware on my face, but okay??

aannddd the tapes.

gah, we love visual throwbacks!

we love being able to see that despite all this growth and change, family remains very important to eggsy—he hasn’t changed into a different person, he has grown more into himself than ever before! THIS! THIS is eggsy unwin!

… GET READY FOR IT

time for tgc! (and to get into my roanoke feels, maybe, this is the nexus where our canons connect)

the BAGPIPES

okay

i did not stop to consider how unpleasant this was going to be to watch stoned but we’re gonna power through it and get through it together

if i cry i cry

the way the music swells into the main theme <3

and the perfect reveal for our boy eggsy!

reflected in gold, looking sharper than broken glass

and SUDDENLY CHARLIE

the pacing in tgc leads me to believe that matthew had huge plans for this movie, and a lot of cool stuff probably ended up on the cutting room floor for time

i also love that they brought charlie back

i love his voice box and his cool robot arm

and i’m not just saying that because it made it super easy to blend him into our canon, either, this is like—charlie’s evil twin in terms of his new aesthetic, the contrast is really cool

YYAASSSS THIS SCENE

WITH PRINCE PLAYING??

*CHEF’S KISS*

like we are IMMEDIATELY thrown back into the gold parts of it all, like how physics is a little broken so we can do cool shit like have a knockdown drag-out fight all within the space of a small cab

i wonder what would’ve hurt charlie worse—being thrown onto his organic side, or having all his weight land on his metal arm if it hadn’t disattached

but then he’s up and standing so i guess we’re fine?

MERLIN! <3

otherwise known as the character entrance that literally changed my life

i try not to think about it too much or i get weirded out

ANYWAY

(and to think i almost never even saw the movie)

Sick Car Chase, Bro

and as an american, like, everything’s on the opposite side to me, it’s stressful to watch a little bit

“i seem to remember in your training you were rather good at holding your breath.”

man, that’s uh—kind of a macabre thing to say, merlin

just a little bit

i’m not even gonna attempt to hold my breath to see if i’d survive this scene just assume i’m dead in that universe

we all live in a kingsman subarmine, a kingsman submarine, a kingsman submarine~~

“not boasting, but i trained him well enough that even he wouldn't mess that up.”

merlin are you okay??

gah, i love that chest-deep laugh though.

is it real love if they won’t crawl through the sewer to get to your house in time

i love that harry’s house looks basically the same

i know they talk about eggsy not wanting to change anything in the novelization but i haven’t read it yet so I’m not a hundred percent sure what all is in there

and we still get to see him hanging with his friends, and his girlfriend, like, this dude is still all about the family

“wwwwOOOOO!”

i love this group so much omg

for as much as he’s galahad, he’s still eggsy

the transition in the weed bag looks super cool

… oh, i guess watching this while high makes the main storyline hit a bit different

welp

i love that poppy is an aesthetic slut and really doesn’t give a shit about anyone’s opinion about how she makes her space

like, “i want a big 50s-style diner with a gourmet kitchen that i can cook people in, soooooo i’m getting one”

it’s also refreshing to see julianne moore in a bad guy role!

not that i’m super familiar with her filmography but i feel like i’ve mostly seen her cast as like a good guy?

i could be wrong

awwwww jet and bennie!

there’s so much to love about this set

cannibalism and the fact that she bulldozed jungle to build all this aside (suspend that belief!)

the breakfast sceeeeeene

it’s so bittersweet, for obvious reasons

and it’s more evidence that he’s not super ready to move on into new territory yet, like making new memories with tilde that ring close to home

“i wish i could have met him.”

and the way he has to turn away, ugh.

eggsy. i’m sorry.

tilde, i’m sorry, too. you had good intentions, but they lost against his pain.

michael gambdon! the new arthur we didn’t know we wanted until we got him.

charlie had a moral glo-down, it’s fine, happens to everybody

FFFFFF his imitation of merlin lmfao

man, poor charlie, like

you wake up, you can’t make a sound, your arm has been blown off and your family’s dead

like his reaction to that entire scenario isn’t entirely unrealistic, i’m just saying

also LOOK AT ROX

omg everyone in this movie can wear the FUCK out of suit, y’all

man, i’ve gotten a few tattoos that were exquisitely painful—i can’t imagine how much it would suck to do it with literal molten metal

dude this means clara laid on her stomach and probably screamed at the floor as she got hers D:

this kinda—riffs off of hannibal, a teeny-tiny bit

like we’re so overloaded with the aesthetics and behavior of a certain character so it’s like, we forget about the much darker parts untillllll there’s a mood change and we’re looking at that dude’s legs, to the burger this other dude puts in his mouth, and thinking “oh, oh dear, ew”

i love eggsy in the orange jacket <3 snaps for the wardrobe crew across this series.

tilde’s face, omg, she was heart-eyeing so bad. and like, that little proud nod at her dad (who was of course being Like That on purpose)

and roxy, coming in in the clutch, you are tonight’s MVP

uggghhhhh i hate this part

because again, it’s just--a bunch of bad shit colliding outside of anyone’s control

(it was also really jarring seeing the war room with blank walls the first time i watched this)

like—granted, you should maybe not touch stuff that’s not yours, but…

like we *just* saw eggsy and brandon in a very casual, intimate scene with each other, how can anyone get angry with brandon?

this is all stress-inducing

i remember being in the theater watching this and feeling like i was watching some awful slow motion car wreck and i couldn’t look away

idk what other story i would’ve wanted to see but i was NOT a fan of Sudden Death For Christmas, especially concerning roxy!

and poppy is such a *bright* villain, not just because of taste but because of her personality, which is another weird thing to have next to the cannibalism

gaaahhhh charlieeee your arm is so cooooool

this shot is gorgeous and incredibly depressing.

what do you do?

gah, and the way merlin comes out of the dark, like

i probably would’ve drawn a gun on him too

“you think *i* would?”

this scene shows 1. how much he trusts eggsy to not shoot him, and/or 2. how good merlin is at compartmentalizing, because this is an even bigger blow than harry’s death, and he’s following the protocol like it’s an art form

i hope that we see some reference to this safe in the next movie, that’d be a cool way to tie the narratives all together

“i suppose that must be upper class humor. … i don’t get it.”

reminder, merlin is working class.

if you’re a ho for this fandom and went and bought this whiskey specifically because of this movie clap your hands *clap clap*

and they proceed to just get HAMMERED

“country rooaaddsss… take me hoooooome…”

another reminder: kentucky is a beautiful state!

i would love to tour a whiskey distillery, that’d be super cool

“shame it’s not scotch”

again, with his weird night vale clipboard.

who would win: two highly-trained kingsman agents vs. one (1) cowboy

channing tatum, ladies and gentlemen!

“y’all look damn sharp!”

i am forever gonna be mad we didn’t get more of tequila in this movie, and not just because of roanoke either, but like, “that dog don’t hunt,” whatever he has in his mouth sealed a leak in a barrel, and it took him all of two minutes to incapacitate both eggsy AND merlin? hello??

i’m glad we’ll get to see more of him in the another movie.

“you know why the measurement of alcohol is called proof?”

just dumping it on their laps, so disrespectful

“—and you can go fuck yourself.”

eggsy fucking just giggling.

these two doofuses

also it’s hot to see merlin be sassy ngl

“HARRY!”

these guys have been fast thinkers in stressful situations but as it turns out, people being unexpectedly not dead can kinda fuck with your day

aaannddd halle berry, everybody! i love ginger ale omg

(and so does merlin, he is instantly enchanted)

;-; this reunion scene

i don’t know how colin manages to be two completely different people at once

like there’s a huge difference between former agent galahad and harry hart the lepidopterist and i can’t explain it

i really, really hope we see at least one little hint at kinsman’s relationship with statesman in the new movie, i just think it’d be really cool

in roanoke canon, there’s an office rumor that the nanobot tech used by statesman was influenced directly by the same technology developed by dr. wernicke in the outlast games. i still think it’s one of my better crossover ideas.

also

god bless whoever decided to get elton john involved with all this?? because i was DELIGHTED

i love poppy’s wardrobe as much as i love her weird 50s-land in the jungle

i also really love the main statesman theme? it reminds me of all those fun epic westerns

jeff bridges! :D

champ vaguely reminds me of my dad

“can you imagine us in the tailor business?”

and he’s super quick with the questions. my headcanons for champ are all over the place but one that i really like is that he was maybe a sheriff or in law enforcement before being recruited by statesman.

aaanndddd pedro pascal, everybody!

otherwise known as *another* character that this movie did dirty, that’ll probably come up in this later

imagine being harry hart, not remember all of yourself, and suddenly your entire room just—fills with water

that had to have been so terrifying, and it was just as hard for merlin to watch (and possibly remember something unpleasant)

and like

that sounds like SUCH bullshit, too, like “yeah we thought if you came close to drowning it would help”

which, is that what merlin meant, no, but is that what harry heard, probably

enter jb the second ;-; <3 sweet baby

tilde’s trying so hard. i see you!

aha, penis jokes.

and all of the unnecessary weird festival stuff, uuggghh

there are so many different things they could have done, like, all of this is just weird from the get-go

first of all, whiskey striking out? hello?? saying no to a man like mr. pascal???

not realistic

the way whiskey takes a shot as he walks away lmao, relatable

and poor clara, like, it’s not like she was asking for any of this D:

hmmmmmmm don’t know how i feel being a stoner watching other stoners get this blue rash thing when i know it kills some of themmmmmmm

i love charlie in his newsboys cap!

poppy has a little bit of a point. like, booze is way more dangerous than pot, as is tobacco. like i would never advocate anyone try meth or heroin, but i think weed and some hallucinogenics get bad wraps.

seeing a dude get torn in half in the reflection of elton john’s sunglasses is the surprising bit of gore we need to remember that oh, yeah, the villain isn’t fun, she’s a murderer

uuggghhhh the TENT SCENE

and, look, i’ll defend tilde forever, but i did NOT like the weird marriage ultimatum. i still think it’s a dick move, like, in that situation either decide to trust your boyfriend or break up with him

the tent interior is super cool-looking

and like, man, he tried, he tried to bounce D:

/sigh/ work hazards, i guess

mmmmmm we don’t need any of what’s happening on screen right now so i’ll just sit patiently and wait for it to be over

and like, there’s nothing funny about merlin and ginger being able to hear everything that’s going on, it’s so grosssss, poor ginger has to have heard some shit before to be so nonchalant about it

everything about this sucks

and then he tries going to the one person who he needs the most and having to deal with him still existing in some state between alive and dead

his body is here

but harry is not

“maggots turn into flies, perhaps you mean larvae!” :D he is SO CUTE

but this entire conversation, with harry still not remembering and eggsy trying so hard to reach him through the fog, is so depressing

like, i’d need a drink too

*and* a joint

i’m seeing my coping mechanisms on screen here folks

the way he comes up with the idea is kinda ingenious though

like, he’s looking at stuff to make himself bummed on purpose, but therein he finds the thing he needs to fix the issue

harry’s smile when eggsy hands him the puppy TT.TT

and then eggsy just becomes a stone cold motherfucker with no emotions

“no one’s sick enough to shoot a puppy!”

hi, flashback!harry

and as SOON as he remembers himself, it’s like his eyes are different, something about him looks like it did before kentucky

“… eggsy.”

one of my favorite movie hugs

and eggsy has to stand on his tiptoes because harry’s so tall

like yeah merlin and harry’s reunion isn’t as overtly emotional, but there’s definitely a sense of joy and relief there.

harry my baby ;-; much better with the sunglasses (and merlin was so close to telling him he looked spectacular)

“now is that any way to welcome a visit from outta town, moonshine?”

he! tried! to! defend! harry!

i hate that jack got a villain story line!

we could’ve had something so much better and infinitely more compelling!

“hurrrr durrrr morgan you just like redemption arcs because you don’t want anybody being a villain permanently” i also like them because sometimes that’s better writing, y’all sit down

“that is NOT what i call a kentucky welcome.”

i love so many things happening in this scene, like

we get to see whiskey kick ass, like yassss gimme those sweet action sequences and give us some character development by showcasing his fighting style

and also NOBODY shits on harry for not being able to handle the situation. both eggsy and merlin were like “dude we’re still celebrating the fact that you’re alive tbh it’s fine if you’re not back up to speed right this second”

you can really tell that this was penned by british people writing american slang because having grown up in the southern half of the u.s. i have never ONCE heard ANYONE say shit like “i feel like a tornado in a trailer park” lmao

and poppy’s fun little death threat infomercial, so great

“what have you done to me you FUCKING BITCH” oof, that’s a mood

!!!!! gonna be honest i kinda forgot that bruce greenwood plays the president

okay but save lives, legalize isn’t an entirely bad idea tbh

hnnnnnnng the scenes about people not being able to get into the hospital hits different in the year of our lord 2020 huh

… y’all i’m being weirded out by all this hospital scenes, this is unpleasant

i, too, wish i could pull a tequila and just be slipped into a chilly coma until shit wasn’t so fucked up

“the fact is, this presidency has won the war on drugs!”

THIS SCENE!

look, y’all can come into my inbox and call me a pothead, or a lazy stoner, or some third insult, but this dude’s VP is bringing up some very, VERY important points when it comes to any kind of discussion about drug use in the u.s.

am i drug-friendly, sure, but i’m more friendly to the notion that we stop demonizing addicts/users

harry looks fucking SCANDALIZED when he sees champ spit into his spittoon thing

i don’t think whiskey even brought up harry not being ready to return to the field in an insulting manner, he literally just saw him get his ass beat in a bar, but eggsy’s faith and loyalty are up there in the category of unstoppable force/immovable object, so here we are

am i the only one curious about the whole charlie x clara thing? because he’s definitely grown up a bit by tgc, and i wanna know how much of that might be because of clara

and he MISSES, e for effort harry

“so sorry about this—“ WHAM

and now that guy can say colin firth busted his face with a fire extinguisher, which is very cool

“*you’re* wu ting feng?” “… yes?”

“you motherFUCKER” ohhhhhh charlie maaaaaad

ginger and merlin though, #couplegoals

the only person more pissed off about the hallucinations than everyone else is harry

imagine remembering that you’re one of the top people in your field and you just keep seeing imaginary butterflies everywhere

like, yeah, i’d be pissed at not being able to do what i knew i was capable of, too

if it wasn’t careening towards a random retirement center, getting stuck in a wildly rotating gondola thing could be fun

nice tuesday afternoon activity

i would loved to have seen more galahad/whiskey field stuff

“you’ve got to be fucking kidding me—“

meanwhile, in the continuing adventures of eggsy and jack: shit goes from bad to worse like a formal spiral only going downward

their expressions as their both just SCREAMING always make me laugh

”that’s the first decent shit i’ve had in three weeks.” <- as does that line, that old dude’s just telling it like it is

eggsy’s comment about the antidote just reminds me of when boromir looks a the ring and says something like “all this for such a tiny thing”

dun dun DUN what are THOSE? hints that whiskey may not be who we think he is??

great. so excited about that. i say, rolling my eyes into the sun

“i’ll fix their wagons.” no one says that matthew!

i. love. this. scene. because now we get cool gun tricks AND the second most metal thing that happens with a lasso in this movie (we’re coming up on the most metal thing)

like please please PLEASE show us more lasso tricks in the statesman movie

“well thank fuckin’ christ i didn’t need any backup.” i wonder if whiskey’s acting angrier than he actually is to throw off the fact that he might’ve caught harry’s glance at him betraying suspicion

RIP jack

imagine the timeline where whiskey was never a bad guy and harry hart just blew a dude away for NO REASON

now THAT would be an interesting movie

because harry and eggsy, for all they went through in the first film, never had a conflict where it was harry in the position of mangling the ropes up

but of course eggsy would never, never tell merlin what happened because he’s still ultimately on harry’s team

damn, charlie, literally blowing up your girlfriend seems kinda extreme

“THIS is vital!”

and here we get to see the biggest difference between merlin and ginger

now, i know there’s extra stuff in the novelization about their relationship and i can’t talk about it because i have no idea what’s in the book

but!

i DO still headcanon as merlin quitting fieldwork after lee’s death

his comment is either what he genuinely believes, or maybe what he fashioned his beliefs into after stepping down from his field role, and ginger is just as sincere in her desire to break into that aspect of working for statesman

it’s like seeing the same character but in two points in time, and it’s really cool

that balance would’ve also been a fun aspect of their romantic relationship to explore but alas! ’twas not to be

colin and mark could both play slenderman

look at those limbs.

gracious.

also this facetime scene with eggsy and tilde T.T

that has to be so terrifying to watch when you know the steps of death and what they look like as they get closer

but it also puts a fire under eggsy though

“i’m leaving with, or without you.”

and of course they’re both gonna go because that’s NOT characteristic eggsy behavior based off of how we know he views family/squad

that’s how they know he’s being for cereal

uugggggGGHHHH and THAT FORESHADOING

stacey pruitt, attorney at lawwwww

hmmmmmmmmm

what does this conversation between poppy and the president remind me of

gonna just sigh into the void

and now we have harry and eggsy on the jet along with the BIGGEST LIE harry hart has ever told in his LIFE

kingsman and statesman aesthetics at least tend to be the same color schemes. lotta golds, yellows. browns.

eggsy, yeah, it’s a bummer your gf dumped you, but this relationship wasn’t very well-developed or written so i’m not as bummed as i could be

“… and in that moment, all i felt was loneliness and regret.”

harry shut the FUCK UP

you felt NOTHING??

you weren’t thinking of, gee, i dunno, EGGSY? or MERLIN?? your MOM???

like these lines from him just seem to come out of left field and i can’t even halfway suspend my belief long enough to come close to believing him

like mr. hart you just gonna be like that in front of jesus and everybody????

so, yeah, of course he’s on board with saving tilde! because he recognizes (apparently just right that second) that “having something to lose is what makes life worth living”

and i don’t know if they felt like there need to be some weird, deeply contrasting reason for harry to swing around to being in support? or something?

like

i’m forever pissed about this characterization and i don’t even know if i’m expressing my anger in a way that makes it easy to understand lmao this is fine, i’m fine, literally not a single person in this fandom ever believed those lines anyway, it’s fine

moving on

... and even if they WERE true then honestly that just makes me more excited about butterfly knife, because that means that harry acknowledged both the bad side of the coin, and also the side with rae on it (which would mean seeing her for who she was and also recognizing his feelings for what THEY were) and drew the ultimately correct conclucision that love! is! always! worth! it! let that shit in like a welcome guest in the home of your heart, and they will stay as long as you let them!

as SOON as he wakes up ginger looks a thousand percent done lmao

and the “process” that they use to wake people up or whatever is—interesting

because all it is, is trauma turned into a tool which is kind of a weird concept to see in a “fun spy movie” imo

and this is one of what i feel were like only what, two? glimpses we get into whiskey’s Tragic Backstory

and the other scene isn’t a glimpse it’s just straight up exposition in his dialogue :/

jack, i’m sorry, you deserved better than this as a character

i’m sure the name “silver pony” is a reference to something but i don’t know what

“lookin’ GOOD merlin!” “feelin’ good, eggsy.”

ladies and gentlemen when i tell you that i lost my pool-noodle mind seeing him put on that suit watching this in a theater, i--

ANYWAY

because now that i have the horrible burden of having seen these movies a million times

i know it’s more symbolic

he stays in sweaters so long, as an agent of the background, because he walked a man to his death

so it figures when he puts the armor back on for the first time in ages

he walks to his own

uuuggghhhh the minesweeper

i hate this

i hate it

i hate everything about the feelings i’m having while this is happening

*beep-beep*

“you move, we die.”

i HATE IT

but like, i don’t know, how preferable is this to the end scene we almost got, which was merlin dragging his newly-legless corpse through a doggy door?

because it’s been literally multiple years and i still have no fucking idea

they’re both horrible in their own terrible, awful ways

damn, matthew, it’s not often someone manages to come up with multiple versions of a thing and have every version be so gut-wrenchingly horrific, i’m truly impressed and completely disgusted

“do as your told!”

god

everyone just going through twenty shades of Bad Feelings in the space of fifteen seconds here in the jungle

and colin and taron do this thing where it’s like—their eyes go dead? like, there was a light here, it’s gone now

it SUCKS

oh

oh no

ALMOST HEAVEN

WEST VIRGINIA

… fuck

LIFE IS OLD THERE

OLDER THAN THE TREES

“… singing?”

this sucks.

this sucks this sucks this sucks

MOUNTAIN MAMAAAAA

TAKE ME HOOOOME

COUNTRY ROOOADDSSSSS

*THUNK*

and he even took off his glasses before he hit him, he had his end coming towards him and he was still a gentleman

TAKE ME HOOOME

COUNTRY RROOOOAAAADDDSSSSS

his EYES AT THE END

FUCK

… okay i had to get up and go for a lil’ walk

anyway

(and again, roanoke canon, fucking fixing’ shit left and right, because we’re the goat)

harry and eggsy look MURDEREROUS

MERLIN SAID KNOCK YOU OUT

it DID make the grand ending fun action scene a lot more satisfying

because like, without merlin there, that means harry and eggsy get to go full feral

poppy you big idiot you just robbed them of all their motivation to show any kind of restraint and now everybody’s gonna get blown up

except for those dudes who get kicked by elton john

which would be an HONOR first of all

(the part where eggsy’s using his gun and shield vaguely reminds me of the specialist, @bloodofthepen​)

and harry and eggsy just—they’re drift compatible! that’s it! the teamwork! the grace! the flow! my god!

eggsy vs. charlie: round like 4 if you count the first movie

it was also satisfying to see charlie’s new arm in action

we love fun robotics and gadgetry in this house

colin firth is really just not afraid to throw himself full force down a bowling lane huh

ugh, seeing charlie slam eggsy over and over again makes my chest hurt

the sound mixing on all these films is top notch which isn’t always a good thing T.T

ROCKETMAN~~~

that shit will never NOT be funny

a wild elton john appeared!

eggsy is indestructible, he can walk off anything

but charlie, charlie i feel really sorry for, imagine being attacked by a superior version of your own limb, i.e. something that you can’t exactly quickly remove from yourself, that would be TERRIFYING

harry + elton = dream teaaaammmm

“darling if you save the world, you can have a backstage pass.”

i love you elton john :(

i would have been the most OBNOXIOUS hype man in the background of the entire kingsman vs. poppy land face-off

“let’s make this fair.” eggsy you’re fuckin’ cheeky

and poor harry, all that lank just getting tossed like noodles

i thought the robot puppers were very cool

“for the record charlie i’m more of a gentleman than you’ll ever be.”

mmmmmm do NOT like this death for charlie

SUPER glad we fixed it

and another scene where i can’t stand the sound mixing T.T it makes me cringe every time

“i don’t consider genocide especially lady-like.”

and are we gonna talk about how merlin knew how to make heroin?

… no?

nobody wanna talk about that?

ugh that houndstooth dress is so PRETTY though

high!poppy is weirdly comedic for all of two seconds and then it stops being funny real fast

whiskey D:<

this is so dumb

this is all so, so dumb

“our agencies were founded to uphold peace, to protect the innocent—“

there’s that nobility again

is what happened to whiskey fucked up, yes

i’m not saying we have to completely remove that from his story

i just

literally anything but this would have been preferable

and then HOT DOG it’s one of my favorite shots in the movie with the whip where harry’s just chucking it away from his face like a bamf, YES

how great is this cover, let’s be honest

like, i’d be lying if i said i didn’t enjoy this scene visually

plus

HARRY GETTING PEGGED RIGHT IN THE FACE WITH A FRYING PAN

gracious

it’s one fluid tracking shot, so kinda in alignmentment with what we’re used to

some people get annoyed with repeated junk but when you can do it THIS WELL you can get away with anything

D:

but then jack

you did NOT desert that

yes, you were in dire need of an attitude adjustment but jesus

“this is for you, merlin.”

/ugly sobbing/

and tilde is all betterrrrrr ;-;

you guys did itttttt

COUNTRY ROOOAAADDSS

TAKE ME HOOOOOOMMEEEE

TO THE PLAAAAAACCCEEEEE

I BELOOOOONNGGGG

and the scene with jamal and liam T.T #wholesomecontent

poor tequila, after i knew that you would have a bigger role in another movie, i was less annoyed by the fact that they iced you so quick into the story

#FOX2020

“… now we’re brothers, working side by side.”

spoiler alert i actually love champ’s toast

“y’all shittin’ in high cotton now” WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???

and ginger becomes the new whiskey like she always wanted T.T

merlin is proud from heaven (or london, depending on which canon)

iiiiiii have mixed feelings about the whole wedding scene, which is probably because i take HUGE issue with the weird proposal ultimatum thing that happened earlier

but the way eggsy says “not a doubt in my mind,” he says it so seriously and i remember that tilde almost died

there was such good intention packed into this couple that was so badly written that i just

augh

“but it is perhaps the end of the beginning.”

there’s ***merlin! lmao i see you dude, they did you dirty

look

i was pissed off about a lot of things that happened in this thing but i was honestly hype seeing tequila at the very end walking into the tailor shop

like, yeah, i’ll stick around to see what happens in this universe but i’m gonna complain the whole time

GO JACK RABBIT

RUNNING THROUGH THE WOODS

and again, i almost didn’t see this movie.

… i think about that morgan sometimes.

hope she’s doin’ okay.

…

she’s probably not. D:

[basscannonjack]

1-100 SPEED RUN

Ama. How could you do this to me

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?

Lactose intolerant, only eat cereal dry

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?

yes, but not for too long

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?

i just try to remember lmao

4: how do you take your coffee/tea?

don’t like coffee, drink tea plain or with some sugar

5: are you self-conscious of your smile?

not as much as I used to be!

6: do you keep plants?

I have one (1) cactus that I haven’t killed in the 9 years I’ve had it

7: do you name your plants?

sometimes!

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?

music or writing

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?

ALWAYS

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?

I generally fall asleep on my stomach and wake up on my back

11: what's an inner joke you have with your friends?

I HAVE YOU NOW

12: what's your favorite planet?

Neptune, probably!

13: what's something that made you smile today?

my SON asking me ALL THE QUESTIONS

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?

oh god, probably a bit of a mess

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!

the ISS was launched on the day of my birth, so it’s been in space *literally* my entire life

16: what's your favorite pasta dish?

just plain ol’ chicken alfredo

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?

keeping it silver baybeee

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.

oh man, there are so many, but i’ll go with the time that Roman got coke to fizz through my nose by making me laugh too hard

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?

no journal, only very similar looking notebooks to doodle and write in

20: what's your favorite eye color?

hazel!

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that's been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.

my Bag of Holding! snapped the clasp on it a few years back though

22: are you a morning person?

not at all!

23: what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?

SLEEP

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?

Ashe, of course

25: what's the weirdest place you've ever broken into?

I had to break into my own safe at my old job, does that count?

26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit?

I’d say my boots, but I just got a new set, so the older ones

27: what's your favorite bubblegum flavor?

Spearmint or wintergreen

28: sunrise or sunset?

Sunrise

29: what's something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?

I just love seeing my friends blush

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?

yes, I won’t go into detail

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.

SOCKS SOCKS SOCKS I used to collect weird socks, now I just have a bunch of fun dress socks lmao

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.

driving everyone home at 4 am and seeing other people on the road and going “you should be in bed!” at them

33: what's your fave pastry?

lemon meringue pie

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

Teddy a winnie the pooh bear that I still have!

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?

I adore new pens

36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now?

uhhhh I’ve been listening to a lot of Rise Against and ABBA lmao

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?

messy

38: tell us about your pet peeves!

nearly anything my brother does 

39: what color do you wear the most?

black or blue

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you?

my claddagh ring from my grandmother, i don’t have much else from her

41: what's the last book you remember really, really loving?

not the last book but there was one about a girl having a single dragon finger that I remember reading so many times that I unfortunately don’t know the name of, or the Tamora Pierce Lioness series

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!

Don’t like coffee!

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?

James <3

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?

I do not :’)

45: do you trust your instincts a lot?

not as much as I probably should

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.

I’ve been changing my username to a different halloween themed pun for all of October, I’m all burnt out

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?

Balut, it icks me out

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?

heights, and yes :’)

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?

I got a record player fairly recently, I have some P!atD ones, Foo Fighters, and Imagine Dragons

50: what's an odd thing you collect?

rocks

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them?

Bitch by Meredith Brooks for my eldest sister

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?

the ones we’ve made in our server

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?

all of the above except Pulp Fiction, I’m not really a movie person but I *am* a musical person

54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?

my dad

55: what's the most dramatic thing you've ever done to prove a point?

Cotton Eyed Joe in six inch heels

56: what are some things you find endearing in people?

honesty and passion in an interest

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?

I just vibe and belt, y’know

58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?

can they both be me

59: what's your favorite myth?

the soup with a rock in it!

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

Where the Sidewalk Ends was always a good one

61: what's the stupidest gift you've ever given? the stupidest one you've ever received?

a coffee cup drinking horn for my dad, and some painted rocks from my brother

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?

it would be apple juice if I did

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?

not at all

64: what color is the sky where you are right now?

greyish, the sun is just about to rise

65: is there anyone you haven't seen in a long time who you'd love to hang out with?

My eldest sister

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like?

ROSES

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?

give them to me, I love them

68: what's winter like where you live?

COLD

69: what are your favorite board games?

Monopoly and LIFE

70: have you ever used a ouija board?

no thanks

71: what's your favorite kind of tea?

raspberry or orange for fruit and mint

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it?

no, but I do write things down anyways

73: what are some of your worst habits?

I lose things all the time

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.

STARDUST SOULMATE

75: tell us about your pets!

I have a Min Pin named Lily

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't?

Sleeping

77: pink or yellow lemonade?

pink

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?

*insert ick emoji*

79: what's one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?

decorated my band locker to celebrate my birthday

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?

beige, but I hung up a bunch of posters!

81: describe one of your friend's eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.

when the sun hits very rich dirt where a tree used to be

82: are/were you good in school?

best in class in math with a 101.8 but I also rarely did homework so uh

83: what's some of your favorite album art?

Too Weird To Live, Too Rare To Die

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?

Dragon on the shoulder blade, roses on the left arm, Exalt on the right

85: do you read comics? what are your faves?

webcomics! Barbarous, currently

86: do you like concept albums? which ones?

:? not sure what that means

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

TREASURE PLANET

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?

nope!

89: are you close to your parents?

my dad!

90: talk about your one of your favorite cities.

don’t really have a favorite, in all honesty

91: where do you plan on traveling this year?

I was supposed to go see Ashe for their birthday but maybe next year!

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?

CHEESE CHEESE CHEESE

93: what's the hairstyle you wear the most?

uhhh it’s usually short enough to do nothing lmao

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?

I have a friend’s bday tomorrow!

95: what are your plans for this weekend?

WORK

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?

bit of both

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?

INTP, Scorpio, Ravenclaw

98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?

last year? maybe the one before? I did! but my heart didn’t

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.

How Far We’ve Come, Matchbox Twenty

The Call, Backstreet Boys

I2I, from the Goofy Movie Soundtrack (lmao)

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?

the future! I’ve had my time in the past, no changing it now

[illfoandillfie]

Hi darling! Can i get a love reading with my crush, my initial is G and his is I

Here you go darling! Apologies that it’s late - it came through on a monday for me while i was at work and I couldn’t find a chance to sit down with the cards until now!

Tarot Cards: 3 of cups, the hanged man, 10 of wands, ace of wands, knight of swords, strength

The top two cards are from my new attributes deck! The one on the left is in the position that represents you and the one on the right represents I. 

You’ve come up as the Mediator with the light attribute “gift for negotiating fairness and strategy in personal and professional life. Respect for both sides of an argument.” and the shadow attribute “negotiating with an ulterior motive or hidden agenda, either personally or professionally.” 

I has come up as the Student. Light attribute “humility and devotion to knowledge. Openness to lifelong learning.” Shadow attribute “arrogance in the pursuit of destructive knowledge. Unwillingness to translate knowledge into action.” 

Now to the tarot. The top three cards are about how I sees you and the bottom three are you chances/advice. 

I sees you as the 3 of cups - perhaps a bit of a wild child since this card is connected to celebration and depicts three women dancing around with their drinks. But it also indicates friendship and happiness so I probably sees you as someone who cherishes their friends and enjoys being around others as well as someone who is happy and likes goofing around, having fun. 

I thinks about you as the hanged man. Now there’s a couple of ways to read this so I drew some extra cards to try and clarify it. 

The hanged man represents changed perspectives so it may be that I thinks of you in a way others don’t but it’s also related to delays and feeling caught in limbo and I feel like with the 9 of swords and the magician that’s significant. The 9 of swords is a card of anxiety or even sleepless nights and the magician is related to desire and manifestation. Again, two ways I can read this. Firstly it may be that I thinks of you as a potential connection but they are worried that you’re out of their league. OR... with the desire in the magician card I can’t help but wonder if they think of you while they’re *ahem* alone. The bottom of the deck is the 8 of wands which is often connected to sex, so that is definitely a possibility. 

The card that represents how they feel about you is the 10 of wands. Again I wasn’t sure how to interpret this so I drew some clarifying cards. 

The 10 of wands isn’t necessarily a happy card. There is accomplishment associated with it but it’s not an easy win. There’s burden there too, responsibility, a need to reduce pressure. With the Queen of cups I think it’s likely that there is some sort of romantic feeling here but notice that her cup has a lid on it. She doesn’t share her feelings easily. And the wheel of fortune is tied to destiny and chance and luck. I think it’s likely that they feel something for you but they aren’t sure either how deep it is or what to do about it. The wheel of fortune can also tie into manifestation so it may be that they’re hoping something happens but don’t feel sure enough to make a move. 

The final three tarot cards: Ace of wands, knight of swords, strength. 

The ace of wands represents your current chances. There is potential here. The aces refer to new beginnings and with the firey energy of the wand that may indicate something of a sexual nature. It actually has a lot of similar energy to the magician which is interesting - creation, willpower, inspiration. But, it isn’t guaranteed. Someone has to make an effort for the energy to take hold, otherwise it can only remain as potential. 

The knight of swords represents how to increase your chances. Action. Bravery. the knight is flying through the air with his sword raised. He is ready for battle, ready for action, possibly to the point of impulsiveness or recklessness. But it’s an energy you need to embrace to get this connection moving forward.

And finally the strength card which represents other advice from the cards. Yet another connection to the magician - the infinity symbol over the woman’s head. It’s a symbol of self-confidence. The cards want you to be brave, courageous. It’s not strength like a bull running people down. It’s strength like “I can do this” no matter how uncertain you feel. 

And your oracle cards. 

Your romance angel is Forgiving and Learning (As you release and heal the past, you experience more love in your present moments) which may indicate that either you or I have something from your past that you need to make peace with before one of you can make a move. 

You have 2 of the heart cards. The first say Only time will tell which is possibly the least helpful card in the deck lmao but the other says Reflection - Give each other some space at the moment. Trust and have faith that all will work out for the best. I think the second part is the relevant bit here, not so much the giving space part. It’s the same energy as the strength card - trust, believe things will work out. 

Your Love Oracle is Diana, Princess of Wales. these cards have 3 pieces of advice though not all may be relevant. Better to have one night of pleasure than a whole life of misery. Don’t ask, don’t tell, DNA tests are for commoners. and The truth is, there are many people in every marriage. The bits that jump out for me are the first one (one night of pleasure) that may be relevant since you had the wands energy appearing, it may indicate this starts with a sexual encounter. And the other bit was the last one (many people in every marriage). This might tie in with the forgiving and learning card, indicating that the is someone in either yours or I’s past that is holding you back or creating a block of some kind, perhaps an ex. It might also be a sign that this is a third party situation though I didn’t really see any references to another option for I in the rest of the draw. 

You also got the Manifestation spellcasting oracle. Again, tying into the Magician. Someone, potentially both of you, do really want this to happen and currently you’re (both) focused on the thought part of manifestation, willing it into existence. It’s a reminder to think positively because the energy you put out is the energy you get back.

And finally your three words from the secret garden deck are:

Adapt - you will get yourself where you want to be. / Breathe - slow down and contemplate the tea, violets and ivy tangled around the eaves / Grow - all flowers grow through dirt. 

Again I think they’re saying to get ready to take action. Manifesting is all well and good but nothing can happen if someone doesn’t move. You have to push through tough things, things outside your comfort zone, things you’re uncertain about, if you want to grow. And adapt to me is saying that things may not start out how you want or how you envision them, but roll with the punches and you’ll end up where you want. 

[lesbianrobin]

oh.... yes..... as an adhd steve-lover (and person who has a history of unknowingly crushing on adhd characters) i beg to hear ur reasoning......... please...

alright so a lot of this is gonna be like projection ddnkjcn and it turned into more of a general character analysis than an adhd analysis and i’m sure that some things i describe will differ from your personal experience so feel free to critique me but here goes:

Why Steve Harrington Has ADHD

Steve struggles in school, yeah, but that’s not really… crucial to my reasoning? I personally did pretty well in school despite having difficulties with getting work done on time and understanding certain things. The fact that he clearly tried to do well and just couldn’t is what’s important. That’s a classic ADHD thing, feeling like there’s some kind of invisible block making it impossible to think the way you’re supposed to be thinking and do the things you’re supposed to be doing. We see him studying a few different times with Nancy (though he’s reluctant to focus on the task in s1), it’s implied he’s written multiple drafts of the essay that he shows Nancy in the beginning of s2, meaning that he wants to do well. After Nancy critiques his essay, he basically decides to give up because he’ll never be able to make it good enough, and he probably shouldn’t even bother applying to college, and he’ll just end up working for his dad anyway. It’s a bit of an extreme jump from the relatively mild criticism he receives, but it seems to me like the kind of mindset that I (and others with ADHD) fall into constantly. First of all, rewriting something you’ve already written when you have ADHD can be… torturous. It’s impossible to focus because you’ve done it already, it feels pointless and boring, and your brain is just done with the topic. To Steve, there’s no point in even trying because he’s never gonna get it right, and he’d rather not even try than apply to college and have to suffer rejection. ADHD isn’t laziness or apathy. People with ADHD actually tend to care a lot about their performance in various aspects of life, and they care so much that it can often either propel them to excellence or drive them to depression over failure (whether that failure is true or perceived). Spoiler alert: we’re about to get into rejection sensitive dysphoria, folks!

I think this describes Steve perfectly. He wants to be the best at everything (Prom King, anyone?) and he cares a lot about what people think of him (to the degree that he spent three of his four years in high school behaving specifically to avoid the possibility of Tommy H and others making fun of him). Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, or RSD, is a condition which impacts almost all people with ADHD. This means that they are far more sensitive than most people to what others think about them. Think about Steve’s entire character arc: he essentially spends season one chasing the approval of Tommy, Carol, and Nancy. When Tommy and Carol’s desired behavior differs from Nancy’s, causing conflict, he’s forced to take a look at himself and decide what’s more important to him: pleasing his friends, or doing what’s right. Since Steve is a certified angel, he goes with what’s right, and from there goes on to apologize to Jonathan and help him and Nancy fight the Demogorgon. (Sidenote: the fistfight with Jonathan could definitely be considered as further evidence of ADHD! RSD can cause extreme emotional reactions when the person in question feels that they have been hurt or rejected, such as Steve believing that Nancy cheated on him with Jonathan. The fact that Steve resorted to cruel insults that he clearly doesn’t believe shows that he was acting out of his own hurt and anger, not out of true hatred for Jonathan.) 

Anyway, s1 Steve’s entire life is built around seeking approval from his peers. He realizes that his desire for approval has turned him into somebody that he doesn’t like, so he makes a change, and by s2 we see that he’s shifted somewhat: Now, he wants to please Nancy. He’s able to handle being mocked by Billy and Tommy H because he no longer puts any stock in their brand of approval, but being told by Nancy that she doesn’t love him elicits another (somewhat) extreme emotional response: he immediately leaves her at the party with Jonathan and doesn’t pick her up for school the next morning. He’s upset with her. Later on, he goes to her house with flowers intending to apologize, though he doesn’t actually know what he’s apologizing for. All he wants is for Nancy to be with him and like him again, because he can’t handle feeling unloved and rejected. S2 is also where we see Steve’s academic insecurity, and he hints at issues with feeling like a failure in the eyes of his father. By the end of the season, he’s able to handle not being loved by Nancy because he’s found a new source of self-esteem and approval: Dustin and the rest of the kids. Through acting as their “babysitter,” Steve’s found something to take pride in that nobody can take away from him. Billy may have overshadowed his basketball stardom and broken his keg stand record, but Steve no longer needs these shallow achievements to feel a sense of self-worth. 

S3 shows that, although he’s moved on from seeking approval from specific peers, Steve is still stuck searching for validation. He flirts indiscriminately hoping for anybody to respond positively, and he gets a job to appease his father. Here, I’m gonna jump ahead a little bit (because that’s just the way my brain is saying it’s gotta be lmao) and talk about a few of Steve’s other canon traits, then circle back around to how we see his ongoing struggle with RSD manifest in s3.

Now for the trait that people more commonly associate with ADHD, especially in men and young boys: hyperactivity. This one is a little more self-explanatory so I’m not gonna spend as much time on it. Steve excels in situations with clearly defined rules and expectations where it’s easier to stay on-track, as well as in high-pressure, fast-paced environments. This is why he succeeds in basketball and why he’s such a big damn hero every season. He thinks on his feet and steps up in intense situations without hesitation. Steve is the one who wedged something under the elevator door so that everyone could escape, he’s the one who took out a Russian soldier before he was able to alert anybody else, and when he saw Billy about to ram into Team Griswold Family, he crashed into Billy’s car. Part of this is the fact that it’s a sci-fi action horror show, and there are going to be dramatic action-packed situations, but it’s telling that if Steve is around, he’s almost always the one leaping into danger and adapting to the situation to deal with it quickly. Speaking of s3: The conversation Steve and Robin had on the floor in the Russian torture chamber!

This feeds into an even more elaborate Steve meta theory of mine about how he basically lives his life as if it’s a play and there’s a script and a set of rules that he’s gotta follow to please the audience, so I’m not gonna go into ALL of it, but this conversation is also important to the idea of Steve having ADHD and struggling with RSD. Steve says, “It just baffles me. Everything that people tell you is important, everything that people say you should care about, it’s all just… bullshit.” When Robin says that she feels like her life has been “one big error,” he agrees. So far, Steve has lived his whole life according to one set of rules. If you flirt with girls and go to parties and play basketball, you’ll be cool and popular. Now that he’s graduated, he’s floundering. The structure of high school is gone and everything he worked for doesn’t actually matter in real life. People with ADHD often struggle more than others with the transition from high school to either college or the working world. Loss of familiar frameworks, routines, and actions can hit the ADHD mind hard, and this is pretty clearly happening to Steve in s3. In the beginning of the season, he can’t even manage to have a decent conversation with a girl without bringing up school and his own perceived failures. Sidenote: Robin also mentions that Steve was late to class every single day, which is both extremely relatable to me and the most ADHD thing I’ve ever heard. I knew exactly how long it took me to get from my house to the school, and I woke up with plenty of time to get ready every single morning, yet I somehow managed to be late so many mornings that I got multiple detentions and ended up having to skip a couple of classes entirely because another tardy would have fucked up my disciplinary record.

Later on in the bathroom scene, when he’s talking about why he didn’t talk to Robin back in school, Steve says, “…maybe ‘cause Tommy H would’ve made fun of me or I wouldn’t be Prom King. It’s stupid…” and it’s somewhat of a continuation of the earlier conversation. Steve is expressing the same sentiment. Now that he’s out of high school, everything that he once used to measure his success and self-worth is just stupid. This is another classic RSD thing! People with ADHD/RSD often set impossibly high standards for themselves and then struggle with self-hatred and doubt when they cannot live up to these expectations. Robin kind of inspires and encourages him to set new, more attainable standards for himself. Spending time with Robin makes Steve happy in a way that he’s never really been before, and he realizes that all of the benchmarks of normalcy and success that he’s been striving for don’t guarantee happiness like they’re supposed to. Instead of finding happiness in academic, romantic, or athletic success, he finds happiness in an unlikely friendship. His whole arc for three seasons has essentially been a big struggle with RSD and impulsivity where he learned how to handle social rejection and place the needs and feelings of others before his own.

There’s also a ton of little things in Joe Keery’s acting choices that support ADHD Steve, like his near-perpetual motion and the way that he’s gotta pace and eat a damn banana (both the traditional way and the no-homo breaking it into pieces way, might I add) so he can listen to Dustin talk about the Russian code. I personally relate to a lot of things he does, like mixing up basic names and facts (like Nazis/Germans in s2 and Gumby/gumbo in s3), and needing to explain a whole situation out loud before he really gets it (like when he runs down the entire monster situation in the mall in s3). I don’t know if those are ADHD things but they make me feel Seen. 

Anyways. That’s about it!! Thanks for asking lmao

[thecharmingknightemma]

♚ Do you agree with fandom interpretation of your character? (roast the fandom again please I have popcorn)

not even remotely.  lmao okay first I need to explain something to attempt not to sound like a really bad judgy person: when it comes to princess Emma, for me only my version of her can be possibly, realistic, because it’s the only realistic results that can came from the premise I see. Now that doesn’t mean I can’t respect that other people can have different ideas of how princess Emma is, but it can never feel real to me because those ideas come from a different interpretation of David and Snow, of the circumstances around Emma and that led to Emma, of how they’d react to what they have been through and what they’d teach her, on how her personality would respond to the outside world. Those interpretations are always valid, but they are not mine, and therefore I can’t agree and I can give you a thousand reasons why Emma for me would be a different princess than most fanon versions of her starting from what would led her to be this way instead. But I’m also aware that it all depends on my interpretation of every single thing involved in her life and my view of her isn’t superior, it’s just the only one that works for me. 

I’ll put the rest under read more because whoops I may have a lot to say

Here are some common things I see that I absolutely understand where they are coming from but could never be true to me: -a princess Emma who is a serious, suave, normal classic princess. It’s extra rare in OUAT for the original fairy tale princesses to act in a classic noble-woman kind of way to begin with. Emma, the daughter of former bandit and now queen Snow White who has lived among regular people and who had drilled in her head that their people are important, and of David, formerly a stable boy, who fought against the unspoken rules of royalty like shutting up and accepting an arranged marriage, who has seven dwarves, a wolf and who knows who else being part of her parents council, who would have been taught to defend herself to be prepared to fight just in case, who would be certainly taught to speak up because her opinion and emotions matter, who has been shown and has seen from the beginning of her life that love wins, that she has all kinds of reasons to be happy and hopeful and grateful, would NOT be modest, would not be super serious, would not be a snob or unaware of her people’s struggles, and since even when it comes to Emma Swan her nature was to joke around and be happy as soon as the world gave her a minimum amount of reason to be that way, princess Emma has even more reasons to be that way. Her personality would be so encouraged by a loving, supportive family who wants her to respect others but also to express herself, to enjoy her life, the happy moments, and to find humor in everything. And David and Snow even speak in a different way from nobles like Kathryn, I doubt Emma would be too formal. It’s not that less loud, enthusiastic princess can’t be cool, I actually really like Kathryn, and Aurora may have been more ‘classical’ and out of her depth when it came to fighting but she still did everything she could to save Philip and to avenge him later, she was simply inexperienced and that’s not bad, but I cannot imagine Emma, with the family she has, her instincts, and what people around her would want to instill in her since young age, being the same kind of woman they are.  -a princess Emma who hates ballgowns and balls and everything stereotypically feminine. Emma Swan, who has all reasons to favor comfortable easy clothing and lives in our world where often dresses and pink are associated to being weaker (?), still likes to wear stereotypically feminine things and to wear makeup and curls or styles her hair whenever she has some time off from her savioring. Even in s1, yes, when the sheriff election happened and she didn’t plan to have to run after criminals, she wore a cute skirt. Why would princess Emma hate them when she clearly likes the aesthetic and she hasn’t been raised with ideas such as ‘femininity is weak you must be distance yourself from it and prove you are different from other women’? Now, if you tell me she has problems with tight corsets because they are uncomfortable, that’s cool. Otherwise it just seems like she must be ‘special’ and therefore doesn’t like ‘girly’ things because ‘girly is inferior to masculine’. Still speaking stereotypically here, of course. Snow didn’t have to dislike dresses to be strong or special, she dressed depending on what she had to do. I believe Emma would be the same, with just some initial rebellion as a kid against girls until she grew up enough to realize she was being stupid. After that, she wears dresses when she can, she also likes comfortable riding clothing, she likes flowers, she likes colors, she likes the looks she gets when she wears low cut dresses, she likes to take care of her hair... When it comes to Emma Swan specifically and to different versions of her, I feel there is some hidden misogyny involved in wanting Emma to hate innocuous things to prove she’s ‘different’ and ‘stronger’.    -helpless princess Emma: I can’t even. This is also what the Evil Queen’s wish brought to life. It’s already explained in my first point here but it bears repeating. Can you imagine two parents who were shown over and over that you must be prepared for everything because they will have more enemies come after them, enemies of them as royalty or for personal reason, leaving their only daughter completely unprepared, needing someone else to fight for her? After they had to learn the hard way, as fast as possible, and were at disadvantage for it? Emma would be trained from the beginning.  -judgmental princess Emma, I get it, David and Snow were still less than welcoming to Killian - though I felt it was more due to his behavior than him being a pirate - but at the same time I cannot imagine being raised by someone who was a bandit and another person who technically committed treason by acting like a prince, and those two clearly never judged Ruby for being a werewolf, and so on, and to grow up to be immediately against people due to what they are. I feel Emma would have all the reasons to trust her instincts and to want to make sure someone is bad before treating them as such, while simultaneously wanting to avoid being manipulated and mistreated.  -submissive Emma when it comes to men: I feel like I don’t really need to explain why when in the past I read CS involving a princess Emma who was all innocent and inexperienced I closed the page.  -a princess Emma who has to deal with ARRANGED MARRIAGES BECAUSE HER PARENTS TRY TO FORCE HER TO MARRY PEOPLE LIKE I’m sorry but this is not even a matter of different perspective and respecting other people’s view of characters. David and Snow would never force Emma to marry someone, David and Snow suffered like hell because David was meant to marry Abigail due to king George’s choices. David and Snow love Emma. David and Snow would not do that to Emma.  -just... a version of Emma that is so randomly ethereal and more similar to how real life past princesses are described in our world? when ouat woman are so real, with their flaws and qualities and opinions and motivations, and it just seems not to fit in a colorful family like the one Snow and David were going to have, dwarves and Granny included. 

[x0401x]

Flower Symbolism in Tsurune

The amount of plant representation in this franchise has considerably increased with the release of the DVDs and KyoAni’s latest spring campaign, so it seems more than appropriate to make this kind of post right now. This post has been bettered thanks to @bowcrazy. Most of the symbolisms refers to individual characters, so I’ve separated them by the official character line-up order.

I’m gonna start with the ones that represent everybody.

Yesterday-today-tomorrow: I’m guessing that this one is the flower that appears during the opening and ending. They seem to also be the ones appearing behind Minato in the DVD bonus artworks as well, so I’ll get to them below soon enough.

Iris: This one is mentioned twice in the novel, and in one of those mentions, they seem to refer to the Kazemai boys. It has many meanings, the most common ones being faith, hope, wisdom, courage, valor and admiration. In Japanese flower language, they’re associated with good news, glad tidings and loyalty. Gifting someone with irises normally means “your friendship signifies so much to me”, and they’re often used in Japan on Boys’ Day.

Now, the flowers below are the ones shown behind each of the characters in the artworks that come with the DVD/Blu-ray sets.

Sen & Man

Amaryllis: Stands for pride and self-confidence. Its message is “if you’ve got it, flaunt it”, and boy, are the twins arrogant. But here’s what’s truly interesting about this flower: it’s normally associated with one-sided feelings, lmao. The red ones, like most red flowers, are linked to passion and love, be it requited or not. I really wanna try to pretend that Senichi staring at Shuu in that artwork instead of ahead like his brother is doing has absolutely nothing to do with this, but damn, it’s hard. I won’t lie; this kind of depiction of the Kirisaki trio (literally every single thing about it) had been on my official art wishlist for a long time.

Shuu

Tulip: Its general significance is “perfect, enduring love”, but there’s also a variety of other meanings to it:

Undying passionate love, whether the passion is spurned or returned

Royalty and a regal nature

Forgotten or neglected love

Abundance, prosperity, and indulgence

Charity and supporting the less fortunate

There’s probably no better flower to describe Shuu’s character. The undying love surely refers to archery *cough* and Minato *cough*. He does have a regal, noble-like nature, and has been overflowing with talent from the very start. The neglected love might be a reference to his family, but it might also apply to Shuu hitting a wall at the end of volume 1. The part about charity and supporting the less fortunate is probably an allusion to Shuu growing softer and helping out the twins after Manji gets target panic. Moreover, the tulips behind Shuu in that artwork are white, which are used to claim worthiness.

Nanao

Osmanthus: The flowers that represent the Kazemai boys have very similar meanings and I’m pretty sure that’s on purpose. The osmanthus signifies happiness, good fortune and prosperity. This flower is known for being attention-grabbing due to its strong scent, and that may refer to Nanao’s popularity with girls. It’s also nicknamed “emperor’s flower” and “emperor’s jasmine” in some languages, which might be a reference to how Nanao is depicted as prince-like in the novel.

Kaito

Cornflower: This one also stands for good fortune and prosperity. However, it has a special focus on friendship as well, and considering that “friendship” is the keyword of Kaito’s character arc, it only makes sense. This flower comes in a variety of colors, but there are only blue and pink ones behind Kaito. The main people of Kaito’s character arc and development other than Kaito himself are Nanao and Seiya, so the colors surely represent the two of them respectively. The fact that the crushing majority of the flowers is blue is without doubt a purposeful detail.

Ryouhei

Peony: Yet another good fortune and prosperity flower. They also carry the meaning of bashfulness. The ones behind Ryouhei are red, which is considered a symbol of luck. The message of peonies is “striving to act honorably” and “sharing one’s love with others to improve their lives as well”.

Sunshine child exists to bless everyone. No news here.

Seiya

Daisy: This one has different meanings depending on its variations, but the generally accepted meanings are innocence, purity, new beginnings and true love. Giving daisies to someone also normally means that the sender might be keeping a secret.

Daisies are often used to represent motherhood as well. The ones behind Seiya are English daisies, which are often paired with primroses in order to symbolize motherly love.

Minato & Masaki

The symbolism resolving around these idiots comes in a set and it’s literally impossible to separate them since one either also applies to the other or is about one’s feelings regarding the other.

I’ll start with the flowers on the DVD/Blu-ray’s artworks.

Jersey lily: Lilies carry a variety of meanings, but red ones stand specifically for passion. Jersey lilies, on their own, normally represent:

Perseverance and resilience

Happy memories

Brilliance, radiance

The messages of jersey lilies are “you have a lovely smile” (Minato would tell you about it, lmao) and “I look forward to when we meet once again”. Now the last one was a punch to the gut.

Yesterday-today-tomorrow: This one is also known as kiss-me-quick, and the irony is ridiculous. It’s a flower normally associated with the stages and the passage of time, as the name denounces. In Japanese flower language, it carries the meaning of:

Good fortune, just as everyone else

Inconstant, fickle person

Passionate

That’s a very Minato-like flower, considering how much he wavers and how open he is to doing the unexpected. The passion part goes without saying.

Now on with the novel stuff.

Oak: The trees surrounding Yata Shrine. It stands for wisdom and strength.

Bamboo: Minato compares Masaki’s shots with bamboo sprouts at some point. They symbolise resilience and inspiration.

Cherry blossom: The story begins with the first day of school, which means spring, which means cherry blossoms everywhere. There also seem to be cherry flower petals raining all over the DVD/Blu-ray artworks, which makes me believe that this flower applies to all the main characters. Still, Kirisaki doesn’t show up until the cherry blossoms are already gone, and Minato meets Masaki for the second time when the cherry blossoms are in full bloom, so I dare say the flower applies to both of them in a very particular way.

This flower is used to remind people that life is short yet beautiful, often represent gentleness and femininity, and symbolize the short-lived beauty of youth. They’re also an allurance to new beginnings and the start/renewal of a cycle, since they are a common symbol of the coming of spring. They’re usually an allegory for romance as well, but plot devices aside, I don’t think this one should be considered.

Azalea: Amongst other things, they mean “remembering your home with fondness or wishing to return to it”, “caring for yourself and your family”, “temperance and emotional evenness”, and “delicate/developing passion”. The part of remembering home with fondness and wanting to return to it definitely refers to archery, and I’m pretty sure that this is emphasized by the fact that the chapter of the novel in which azaleas are mentioned is titled “Home”. “Caring for yourself” surely refers to both Minato and Masaki, but “caring for your family” might refer to Masaki alone in this case, since he was shooting in order to send his grandfather’s soul to rest. Temperance and emotional evenness surely refers to Masaki alone, lmao. Delicate and developing passion, though, refers to the two of them without a doubt.

In Japanese flower language, the message of azaleas is “take care of yourself for me”. Now this is an extremely fascinating piece of information, because Minato and Masaki basically act like that with each other all the time, both conscious and subconsciously. Masaki is always giving Minato advice on how to improve not only his technique but also his life, and all Minato learns from him never fails to turn out useful for very personal matters, and normally serves as Minato’s trigger to solve each and every one of his problems. In contraposition, Minato never shies away from showing how important Masaki is to him, which always instigates optimistic changes on Masaki as a person and influences on big decisions in that have impact not only in his life but also on Minato’s (because literally everything one does affects the other at some point). In a way, one usually takes the initiative to care for himself after receiving positivity and affection from the other.

Spotted bellflower: Bellflowers are a symbol of gratitude and unwavering love. For some reason, the author specifies spotted bellflowers, which are known for their heart-shaped leaves.

Primrose: Minato seems to be holding a bouquet of primroses in the newest art for KyoAni’s spring campaign, and rather than representing him, they most likely represent his feelings. This one has the connotation of something special and of telling somebody you can’t live without them. Its main meanings are youth, love, new beginnings, rapture, new life, blindness, birth/rebirth and supertition, and if this shit doesn’t make y’all flashback at the speed of light to Minato and Masaki’s encounters at night in Yata Shrine, I don’t know what would.

But wait. It gets worse.

Primroses are a representation of the many stages of life, but they mostly stand for youth due to also representing the incapability to have a realistic image of the world when we are in love, as the initial moments of love have people in reverie and blind them a bit. Another meaning that it carries is the fact that there’s an end to each life on this planet. All of that seems to bring back not only the nights in Yata Shrine but also the truck accident and what happened afterwards.

These flowers also seem to apply to volume 2, since they symbolize our fallacies about love and other people, which both lead to disappointments and teach us important lessons. It also stands for protection and safety, and that might as well refer to the entirety of both volumes.

Victorians consider primroses as a symbol of bashfulness, inconsistency, young loves, and neglected merits. The message of primrose is “I cannot live without you”, and Minato literally can’t live without a certain somebody, so it seems legit enough.

[eldritchsurveys]

831.

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? >> I don’t eat cereal anymore, but from what I can remember, I didn’t really like having a lot of milk in the bowl.

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? >> Not usually.

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? >> On the occasion that I’m reading a paper book, if it’s my own, I just dog-ear it. If it’s a library book, I use the receipt that I got from checking out the book.

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? >> Black (or in the case of some teas, with a little honey).

5: are you self-conscious of your smile? >> I’m self-conscious of my entire face.

6: do you keep plants? >> I just have the one spider plant in my room. It looks pretty done for, but like... it’s not dead, exactly, so I have no idea what to do with it. Sparrow, on the other hand, has about fifteen plants on the balcony, two in her room, etc.

7: do you name your plants? >> Sparrow has named at least one of hers.

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? >> I just wrangle the written word the best I can.

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? >> Absolutely.

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? >> Side.

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends? >> Sparrow and I have this thing where we just mangle words as badly as possible. Like “chicken” has become “chimkin”, stuff like that.

12: what’s your favorite planet? >> Mercury and Pluto, for completely opposite reasons (as I’m sure is obvious).

13: what’s something that made you smile today? >> I saw a random crop of mushrooms while walking. It was just... random! I don’t know what died there or whatever that made the mushrooms grow in that one little spot, but it was adorable.

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? >> ---

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! >> I don’t feel like it.

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish? >> I don’t have one.

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? >> I don’t.

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. >> ---

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? >> I technically have one, on Dreamwidth, but I never bother updating it. This is my journal, along with my personal blog.

20: what’s your favorite eye color? >> ---

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. >> I don’t have one of those. I have three different bags for different purposes.

22: are you a morning person? >> Sure.

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? >> I usually have 0 real obligations (aside from ones I impose on myself), so I have no idea how to answer this.

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? >> ---

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into? >> I’m not sure.

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit? >> There are no shoes that I’ve had for forever. I only have two pairs of shoes, so basically both of them get worn with every single outfit (the boots in the cooler months, the sneakers in the summer and for walking).

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor? >> Well, isn’t bubble gum only one flavour?

28: sunrise or sunset? >> Both are good. Although I like saying hello to the Sun more than I like saying goodbye to it.

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? >> ---

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? >> Sure.

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. >> I like wearing socks with funky patterns and designs on them, and sometimes I mismatch them on purpose for my own amusement. I do not sleep with socks.

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. >> I can’t really think of one right now.

33: what’s your fave pastry? >> ---

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? >> I don’t remember what I kept as a child. I think I had a lion or two. I only remember that because my father is fucking obsessed with lions so of course I had lion plushies.

35: do you like stationery and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? >> I do like them, but I don’t have occasion to use them.

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now? >> I don’t know.

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? >> I like keeping it tidy.

38: tell us about your pet peeves! >> I’d really rather not right now.

39: what color do you wear the most? >> Black.

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you? >> I don’t really have any stories behind any of the jewelry I own.

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving? >> Well, I reread The Phantom Tollbooth recently and I’ve been fond of that book for almost as long as I’ve been alive.

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! >> No.

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? >> I don’t remember.

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? >> Oof...

45: do you trust your instincts a lot? >> I don’t know.

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. Any burger of the day ever written on the board at Bob’s Burgers. I love them though. <-- I’m going to stick with that, those are just utterly shameless puns lmao

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? >> ---

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? >> I was afraid of thunderstorms and flying insects. I still have a reflexive aversion to flying insects when they’re flying around me (even though I actually like a lot of flying insects, like bees and moths and stuff), but I am definitely not afraid of thunderstorms anymore.

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? >> I don’t buy CDs and I rarely buy records. I think the last record I bought was a deluxe copy of Pearl Jam’s Ten that I found at ALDI, of all places.

50: what’s an odd thing you collect? >> I don’t collect things.

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? >> ---

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? >> I don’t remember what memes came out this year.

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? >> I tried watching RHPS and Beetlejuice and didn’t like either one. Didn’t even finish them, in fact. Heathers was okay. Pulp Fiction was entertaining.

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? >> *shrug* What even is a true look of sadness.

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point? >> I have no idea.

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? >> Meh.

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? >> Listening to Bohemian Rhapsody doesn’t really make me feel anything, but it’s fun to reenact sometimes, yeah. Especially in a car, Wayne’s World style.

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? >> ---

59: what’s your favorite myth? >> Oh god, that’s the worst question. I love so many different myths.

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? >> I can’t usually get into poetry, a lot of it is inscrutable in a way that’s just annoying to me instead of intriguing. There are some poems I like, though, but don’t ask me to remember them right now.

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received? >> ---

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? >> Not usually.

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? >> I’m fussy about my everything. I don’t own enough books or physical copies of music to really warrant being meticulous about their organisation, though.

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? >> Pale blue.

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with? >> I mean, sure, why not.

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? >> I used to have a really big one that someone on tumblr made for me a long time ago, lmao. That was good.

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? >> It depends on how I already felt. If I was having an okay day, then it’s just dreamy and ~goth~ and I will probably make 100 Silent Hill jokes. If I’m having an off day, then the fact that the Sun isn’t even out just makes me feel worse.

68: what’s winter like where you live? >> Cold.

69: what are your favorite board games? >> I don’t have one.

70: have you ever used a ouija board? >> No, never got a chance.

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea? >> Ginger, peppermint, etc.

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it? >> No.

73: what are some of your worst habits? >> Picking at my lips, mainly.

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. >> ---

75: tell us about your pets! >> ---

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t? >> No.

77: pink or yellow lemonade? >> Either is fine.

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? >> I can’t stand them.

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? >> ---

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? They are the colour of Nothing and I did not choose it. I rent. <-- “the colour of Nothing” is exactly what the fuck it is.

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. >> ---

82: are/were you good in school? >> I was great as a child. Once puberty (and trauma) hit everything went out the window.

83: what’s some of your favorite album art? >> I don’t even know where to begin with this... there are so many album covers I like, but I don’t feel like expending all my survey energy on one question, you dig...

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? >> No, I’m not planning on it.

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? >> Sure. Promethea, Sandman, Preacher, Doctor Strange, various Lovecraftian comics, etc.

86: do you like concept albums? which ones? >> I do like concept albums. Dream Theater has done some pretty interesting ones, and so did Vanden Plas with Christ 0.

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? >> ---

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? >> I had been reblogging a lot of art recently that had a similar look and feel to it, and I was wondering if they were related, like part of a certain art movement... and then I was watching a Youtube video about the movie Silence the other day and I accidentally found my answer in that video! It was the Baroque movement. I really like the feel of some of those pieces, particularly the darker-hued paintings.

89: are you close to your parents? >> No.

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. >> What can I possibly say about New Orleans that hasn’t already been said by more poetic minds than mine, tbh.

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? >> I don’t plan on travelling this year, thanks to the whole pandemic business.

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? >> Er, somewhere in the middle...?

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most? >> I only have one hairstyle.

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? >> Somebody on one of the Discord servers I’m in.

95: what are your plans for this weekend? >> We’re going to the Wayland house for the first time since... early March, I think. Besides that, just the farmer’s market and grocery shopping as usual.

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? >> My computers run on SSDs, so it takes like 2 minutes to do system updates and I’m right back in business. No point in procrastinating that.

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? >> I get a different result every time I take a Myers-Briggs test (which makes sense to me). My Sun sign is Gemini. My Hogwarts house is Slytherin, but being complex-natured like any other human being I know that I straddle both Slytherin and Ravenclaw.

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? >> I don’t remember the last time I went on a true hike. I would love to do that at some point, but aside from the M6 trail (which is just... parallel to a highway and not all that scenic), all the good hiking places in this region require me to be driven to the location first.

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. >> Death Is the Road to Awe by Clint Mansell, Walker by Master Boot Record, Ich dachte schon by Selig, Little Black Submarines by the Black Keys, Nothing As It Seems by Pearl Jam.

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? >> No.

[unordinary-analysis]

Hey, I was just rereading, and, Elaine is a bad person?!? I don't think I'll be able to finish rereading, but was there any point where we started liking her? She literally called john gross for being powerless wth

Elaine: Is She a Bad Person and Why People Like Her

Know that I probably forgot all I wanted to say over the course of writing this so if it feels incomplete or off topic, i did my best lmao ok?

This is a hard topic to address because something being classified as inherently good or bad cannot be proven or measured. It’s all a matter of perspective, of where your morals, as the reader, lie. I don’t think anything that I’m going to say is going to strongly disagree with any of your ethics, but it’s good to know that going into this.

I decided to answer this question, yes, but also ask another. Along with asking if Elaine is a bad person, I also want to address why people like her character, because I know a lot of people do. People feel all different types of ways towards Elaine’s character and I want to explore why that’s the case.

Elaine, after reexamination, is actually one of the most morally intriguing characters to read. She’s still annoying as hell, but even when you hate what she’s saying, what she’s thinking, it really adds to your own perspective and makes you think.

I feel a lot of people that love her say that she’s one of the nicest and most caring characters in Unordinary. I’m sure a lot of people who don’t like her think this too. It’s easy to view Elaine as one of the nice, preppy girls.

But, like I said, after reexamination and a bit of rereading, I was reminded that her character isn’t so one dimensional. The UnOrdinary wikia (unordinary.fandom.com/wiki/Elaine) has a section labeled “personality” that is dedicated to describing Elaine’s personality. I think that the first two lines sum up Elaine very well: “Elaine seems to be one of the more friendly students at Wellston due to her outgoing and hospitable personality. However, like many students of Wellston, she's shown only enmity towards those with no abilities, and paid no attention to what lower tiers go through.” I say that this is true, but to an even more intense extent.

In what I think is the very first scene we meet Elaine (episode 7) she approaches John with kindness. She is friendly, smiles at him a lot, and welcomes him to Wellston. Then: she asks him about his power.

Instantly, the whole mood of the scene shifts. In previous panels, there were hearts and flowers drawn around Elaine. Then she asks, “So, John. What kind of ability do you have?” and suddenly this dark gloom wraps itself around the comic. Elaine is drawn with pointed eyebrows narrowed down her face. She is also sporting an impressive smirk for a character who most people classify as the naive, nice girl. The whole scene is so close from being taken straight out of mean girls it’s insane. Elaine is nice at first, but soon you realize she’s a predator.

So what really is Elaine’s true character?

Because Elaine’s true character has been somewhat elusive recently, I’ve laid out a nice list for you so you can easily see what traits of hers I will be proving and using to prove other points:

Elaine’s “good” moral traits:

Friendly

Caring

Kind

Thoughtful

Generally more aware of feelings and situations than a lot of other UnOrdinary characters.

Elaine’s “bad” moral traits:

Judgemental

Selective kindness

Unintentionally (?) biased

Doesn’t think for herself

Usually only shows her ‘good’ moral traits when interacting with her friends or with high-tiers

Elaine’s bad and good traits are surprisingly well-balanced. She’s not the perfect nice girl everyone currently seems to view her as. She has one of the most strategically used mindsets in UnOrdinary, but sometimes I feel it can be a little too subtle to actually notice. Because of the circumstances the storyline puts her in, we don’t really get to see as many of Elaine’s darker traits as there actual are.

It feels strange to write this about Elaine, one of the characters that seems to be the most recognized for her soft personality. And, I get it. Hell, I’ve hated her because she was so plain and nice and boring, but above all, actually, I disliked the way that her character was being used. God, Elaine has so much potential to just make the world of UnOrdinary so much more complex, but I feel like at this point of the story, it would be redundant to show Elaine’s worse traits because of what’s already been established, and it upsets me because I know that forcing Elaine’s less than admirable personality traits now in the story would take away from it, probably even backtracking the story, but seeing a character’s diversity is so important, especially for a main character. I support what uru-chan is doing with her right now because the loss of half of Elaine’s character does not outweigh the quality of the storytelling. But: All of Elaine’s flaws were shown in the beginning of the story, and I worry it’s been so long that most people have forgotten them.

So, I’m here now to give you reasons to hate Elaine, ok? Yeah, this is going to be fun.

I personally believe Elaine someone who thinks she’s nice, but really is selective with whom she’s nice to, if you understand what I’m saying. Elaine is that one popular girl who is apparently shy and acts all sweet around other popular kids, but is the type of person to also yell at some loner in the bathroom for being a loser or something.

She acts kind, but only to those that she considers worthy of attention. If she doesn’t care about you because you’re irrelevant, I’m sorry. You’re going to be treated like shit.

Liking Elaine as a character is actually so confusing, though. Because the first scene we ever see of her, she acts all friendly, but turns on John the instant he reveals that he is a weak low-tier, a cripple even. In other words, a waste of Elaine’s time.

Because of how that scene went down, its surprising how people think of her as this people pleaser, which she is, just only when she has something to gain. I think that the second part of her second scene in the comic (which I’ll show later) kind of overpowered anyone’s initial reaction to Elaine, whether they forgot who she was or whether they just hadn’t seen enough to label her as a total bitch.

Elaine’s second scene. At first, is also pretty bitchy. At the very end of episode 12, Elaine is waiting for Seraphina to come home from John’s house where she spent the night. Elaine says to Sera, “Why didn’t you answer and of my texts? Where were you last night? You had me worried sick.” On its own, it doesn’t sound too bad, but the panel also has a picture of Elaine glaring and with crossed arms. Also, when the scene continues into the next episode (episode 13), Elaine says, “Were you hanging out with that loser cripple again?! I DON’T GET WHY YOU’RE ALWAYS WITH HIM! YOU’RE MAKING YOURSELF LOOK BAD.” (Caps are proper quotes, I didn’t change them). It’s obvious at this point of the comic that Elaine is a character that you’re supposed to hate.

So… why is she widely known as this innocent and kind person?

Because of her like split fking personality that’s why skdfhigiuisrdughsk.

Elaine’s character experiences such drastic changes so quickly from scene to scene, it’s hard to peg her personality at first because it seems like she has every generic personality stuffed into her brain and they just take turns controlling her. In the same episode as Elaine insults John in front of Seraphina (episode 13), she literally gets a phone call, answers it, and turns into this stuttering, soft, bubbly mess, like what? (Second part of Elaine’s second scene).

Literally five lines after she acts all bitchy towards Seraphina, Elaine has this conversation with Arlo:

Elaine: “Ah, h-hello!”

Arlo: “Hey, I’m about to head out. Is Seraphina back yet?”

E: “Y-yea, she just got back!”

A: “Alright, I’m on my way.”

… What? In one of the earliest scenes Elaine is in, she goes completely 180º and turns into the basic, shy, adorable girl. This being such a contrast from literally everything we’ve seen from her character so far has to confuse the readers. Not in a bad way like the writing itself is confusing, but like the interesting and intriguing kind of confusing. The switch-up grabs the reader’s attention because suddenly the annoying, popular bitch (because, let’s be honest, that’s how her character reads up to this point) has suddenly revealed that she’s not like that all the time. Her character had been such a cliche that readers must have been pleasantly surprised to see that her character isn’t so black and white. Similar to the end of a movie or when you learn some secret about a character in a story, Elaine’s personality change makes it seem like you finally understand her, if that makes sense. It’s a storytelling cliche for something to be revealed about a mean character that makes them so much more understandable. Like Draco Malfoy when you learned how he just wanted to please Voldemort and make his family proud. That kind of thing.

This, I feel, is one reason why so many UnOrdinary fans like Elaine so much. It feels like they’ve skipped ahead in the story, makes them feel like they’ve been shown into Elaine’s life. Whenever this happens in other stories, the mean girl almost always gains redemption. Without realizing, some readers must associate Elaine’s supposed hidden, kind personality with some sort of atonement without Elaine ever actually doing anything or revealing anything. Because of widespread storytelling styles, our brains can easily connect this to patterns we see in most types of literature or media. We just skip over the middle part of, you know, the actual redemption. This trope being shown at the very beginning of the comic doesn’t give readers time to get used to Elaine before it happens, so they’re left pretty early on feeling that Elaine is being redeemed as a mean girl, but haven’t even seen the full extent of her morally bad traits. So, basically what I keep repeating: from the get go, Elaine’s appearances from scene to scene give the impression of someone who is trying to redeem themselves or has already redeemed themselves, without any of that actually ever happening.

I do not, however, think this is true for many fans. After this relatively clear switch near the beginning, Elaine’s character stays pretty consistently kind. When you see her being friendly more than you see her insulting some low-tier, it’s easy to associate her more with that. Maybe at the beginning of the story, this fake redemption would have drawn people to Elaine, but not this deep into the story. Because, let’s be honest, nobody even remembers her character from the beginning. It’s so easy to believe that Elaine’s character has always been portrayed the way it is being now because that’s all we’ve been shown for the past like 100 episodes. Elaine never really gets redeemed for what she did or how she acted towards the low-tiers. There’s not even evidence that her morals have changed at all or that she is more open-minded. It’s just, as the story progresses, Elaine is shown more and more exclusively talking to high-tiers or well-respected people at Wellston. As the story drags on, her negative traits are still there (we can assume this because we never see anything that clashes with this), they’re just not being shown. Elaine’s less desirable traits are being forgotten. All anyone really remembers or knows now is that Elaine is shy and kind. With or without the fake redemption I was talking about, she’s been acting like this for so long, it doesn’t even occur to most people that she didn’t used to be so nice.

This doesn’t fully explain why people like Elaine so much, but it’s a start to our investigation. This might explain why people don’t hate her as much as they should, based on canon events. They’re never actually shown her worst traits as much as they were in the beginning and the memory of those beginning events are fading.

I’m here to remind you: Elaine acts horribly to anyone that she doesn’t consider her level and she determines that mostly by tier. There’s loads of examples in like the first fourth of the comic, but not in recent chapters. Be aware of this.

I do believe I know the reason why she thinks and acts like this, though.

I’ve brought up this same thing in a post where I talked about Seraphina, but I think it was used differently than how I’m going to use it here, and, obviously, because of the reason, the circumstances are going to be different. I believe that Elaine has her mindset as it is because of her parents, how she was raised, and what she learned from the adults that surrounded her when she was younger.

Like I said, I’ve brought this up when talking about Seraphina once. I can’t find the post, but I basically said that Sera tended to be intensely self-involved because her parents always told her to watch herself, that she had to be number one, that she was in the spotlight because of her power. Elaine is different, though. I mean, obviously, we’re dealing with different issues here, so yeah.

Elaine inherited her tier discrimination mindset from her parents.

We know that Elaine’s parents have a good relationship with her (they send her oranges), so they probably talk a lot, so obviously Elaine would be influenced by their ideals. Also, I can’t think of any example out of any story ever or even in real life where someone discriminated against certain people or things when their parents didn’t. Ever. The kids are never that much more judgmental than their parents, kids usually even breaking the cycle. That’s how it’s been in real life for the last few years, and it’s great. Back on topic: I don’t believe Elaine gained these beliefs on her own. I believe her parents probably drilled it into her that she had to only associate with higher-tiers because not only is she not actually ambitious, which you would expect from someone who only acts decently to those who have more power than she, but she herself isn’t a high-tier. I don’t think she would learn to discriminate against those in her own tier (though she is a 3.5, not shabby) if not told by someone that she should because like…? Who’s like that?

So that’s why I’ve come to the conclusion that Elaine has been raised to believe that higher-tiers are more respectable and the only people deserving of total respect, based solely off of their ability, not their personality. Not something that I think is necessarily important to the questions I’m answering, so I didn’t really try to further my investigation into this, but I wanted to say what I think about this because I think it kind of impacts how I classify her as a person (good or bad)... god that sounds wrong to say.

This theory doesn’t excuse Elaine however. I didn’t excuse Seraphina for what I believed her parents were responsible for and I won’t let Elaine slide either. I hold her to this. She still does believe that low-tiers are inferior. That’s still an issue.

Most people that like Elaine like her because of her kind personality. She’s cute and shy, and that’s usually an instant recipe for success, right? But despite that obviously being the stereotype uru-chan was going for, she also managed to weave some character complexity into Elaine. It makes me sad that nobody notices, but I suppose it isn't super obvious.

I don’t think there is a definitive point that made Elaine into an understandable and likeable character, but her character detail is much more complex than I thought. I personally like characters for having diverse and different thoughts, so I like her concept. But to the people who like Elaine because she is nice and friendly… Move on to Remi. Elaine is not that person.

Liking Elaine is just a matter of what you enjoy in a character. I don’t like her personality, but I do think her character as a whole gives the UnOrdinary world such a diverseness.

Elaine is not a good person. I’m answering the question right here, right now. She’s, what word can I use here, tierist (?). She discriminates against people she doesn’t deem worthy of attention (bit too extremely worded but eh) and she decides who’s worthy based almost purely on ability, as we’ve seen so many times in this comic. Yes, she’s kind to her friends or people she wants to get closer with, but that should be a given. So I’m not exactly counting that as a good trait about her because it’s such a basic and fundamental thing, it would stand out a lot more if she wasn’t nice to her friends. It would be a lot more noticeable because how Elaine acts right now with her friends is honestly a societal expectation.

So: Elaine is a bad person, a diverse character, and someone that I’m overall happy to have in the story because of how her character impacts other characters and the plot around her. As with so many characters, in UnOrdinary especially, losing her presence in the story would drastically change the events of UnOrdinary. Without Elaine being who she is, UnOrdinary wouldn’t be what it is.

She’s still a dumb bitch tho.