#every damn year I tell myself 'keep it under 1000 words a day so you don't get behind'

[notarelationship]

Klaine Advent 2018 - Day 2

Klaine Advent 2018 Word Count: ~1185 Summary:  One snowy December, Blaine Anderson moves into a new apartment in Brooklyn. 

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Day 2: Cinnamon (and also bury wooo!)

With Kurt’s help they had the car unloaded in under half an hour. Blaine didn’t have to return the rental until the morning, so he said thank you to Kurt and said he was going to try to park the car on the street somewhere.

“Oh.” Kurt grimaced. “That’s not going to be easy with the snow. If you get tired of driving around there’s a parking garage about two blocks up and one block west. They’ll probably have a spot.”

“Thank you,” Blaine said, as they stepped into the hall and Blaine pulled the door behind him, locking the door from the outside with the key. “I really appreciate your help tonight Kurt, it would have taken me a lot longer doing that on my own.”

“It was really no problem, I’m happy to help,” Kurt said, pulling off his gloves and scarf now that he wasn’t going back out into the cold. “Do you have your key to the outside door? The first week we lived here Rachel forgot it like five times. I had to make an extra and tie it into her bag so she’d stop buzzing me to get in at all hours.”

“Rachel?”

“My roommate, we have a two bedroom upstairs.” Kurt waved his gloves toward the stairs then slapped them into the opposite palm.  “Once you get settled we’ll have you up for dinner or something. Rachel loves any excuse to throw a party.” Kurt rolled his eyes, but Blaine thought it was meant to be playful.

“That sounds great.” It did sound great. After this move Blaine could use some new people to hang out with. The fact that now that Kurt had taken off his scarf and they were standing in the light of the hallway, and he could see that Kurt was a very good looking guy had nothing to do with it. Maybe Brooklyn wouldn’t be all bad. Blaine patted his pockets to make sure he had all the right keys, and they said goodnight.

Two hours later Blaine was stomping up the front stoop to his new apartment building, kicking snow off of his boots all the way up so he’d have less to drag into his apartment and drip on the floor. For a brief second he considered taking them off and leaving them in the hall, but his pants were just as wet, and he really didn’t know yet if they’d still be there in the morning if he left them.

Once he was inside he dropped his overcoat and hat and scarf and gloves on the floor, fought with the laces on his boots until he could free his very sore feet, and pulled his jeans off into a puddle. He stood standing in his chilly apartment wearing nothing but a sweatshirt and his underwear.

“This has not been my day,” he mumbled to no one. Picking up his boots he dropped them in the kitchen sink, planning to put them in the tub after he took a very long, hot shower - mostly in the dark - there was only a tiny light above the medicine cabinet that was working at the moment, and he didn’t have the energy to find the light bulbs. It wasn’t very late - barely 9pm, but he was exhausted from moving and cold, and he still had to dig out his inflatable mattress and blow it up if he didn’t want to sleep on the floor. And he definitely did not want to sleep on the floor.

Once he was clean and warm, he found his mattress quickly, so that was one good thing. The landlord had left a light bulb in the kitchen ceiling fixture, so he sat on the kitchen floor  and started in with the electric pump. He could bury himself under the blankets and deal with everything in the morning.

Ten minutes into blowing up the mattress there was a knock on his door. He couldn’t be making too much noise, could he? He didn’t think anyone lived below him to complain. It was one of the reasons he liked this apartment.

He was not expecting what he saw through the peephole, but he gladly opened the door to Kurt and a small brunette.

“You must be Blaine,” she said, much too brightly for Blaine’s mood. “I’m Rachel, Kurt’s roommate.” Blaine glanced at Kurt whose silently mouthed I’m sorry about her, and Blaine had to smile.

“I am Blaine,” he answered, taking Rachel’s offered hand. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Kurt mentioned that he had helped you move into the building, and I know that sometimes the first night in a new place can be overwhelming, so we wanted to bring you these -” She elbowed Kurt who handed Blaine a covered plate “- cinnamon cookies. They’re Kurt’s specialty.” Blaine looked at Kurt as Rachel kept talking, and was sure there was a blush rising up his throat.

“Actually, since you’re already here, do either of you know how to turn on the radiator? We had a floorboard unit at my last apartment, and I can’t quite get the heat to come on.”

“Oh yes!  Kurt can definitely help you with that.” Blaine stepped aside and held the door open, and Rachel put a hand on Kurt’s arm and pushed him into the apartment. Rachel followed looking around once she was in. “It’s quite dark in here,” she said.

Blaine sighed. “Yeah. There’s a light in the kitchen and bathroom, I’m just so tired I decided to wait until tomorrow to deal with the details. I have to get my mattress blown up, and then I’m going to sleep immediately.”

“You don’t have a bed?” Kurt asked, his tone concerned. He had his arm behind the radiator on the far wall. “Ooh, I think I got it. You have to turn this knob until it’s all the way open. Hear that?” Blaine could hear a high hissing sound and nodded. “It should start to warm up. Just be careful if it gets too hot, the handle can get hot too.”

“Blaine, I realize that we just met, but we have a perfectly good couch upstairs if you want to just crash with us - wait - you’re not a serial killer are you?” Rachel asked. She only seemed like she was half joking.

“Good grief Rachel, I’m pretty sure you’re the serial killer in this scenario.” Kurt rolled his eyes, and Blaine tried not to laugh. They had an interesting dynamic. “Please enjoy the cookies Blaine, and enjoy your well earned sleep. Let us know if you need anything tomorrow when you get to unpacking.” Kurt hustled Rachel toward the door.

“We’re in apartment 3R,” she said, as Kurt gave him another apologetic look. Then they were gone.

Blaine rubbed his eyes. He was too tired to process what had just happened so he turned the pump back on and lifted the foil on the plate of cookies. They smelled amazing, and they were warm. Blaine ate half the plate before realizing they were the only thing he’d eaten in hours.

[illfoandillfie]

Out of Context

Request: First of all, congratulations on 1,000!!!! Could you do a a sequel to Interloper where maybe an interviewer is giving her shit for having once been a groupie and Bri Rog and Deaky defend her and have amazing sex after at like their hotel 😂-foursome anon (I’m back)

Interloper / Snapshots From Before (Prequel)

Pairing: Roger Taylor x Brian May x John Deacon x Fem!Reader

Warnings: SMUT (18+), gangbang/foursome, oral sex (m and f receiving), anal sex, tit fucking, light choking, slightly dom reader, cheer up sex, some spanking, double and triple penetration

Words: 6,145

A/N: This was another request from back at my 1000 follower celebration last year. It’s been sitting half written in my drafts since then and I finally felt inspired to finish it lmao. Foursome anon I hope you’re still around and you see this!!

Blurb Advent: Day 10

Taglist:  @vee-ndetta​ @atomic-watermelon @kellypenac @labessieisallama​​​ @deakyclicks​​​ @jennyggggrrr​​​ @drowseoftaylor​​​ @hannafuckingsucks​​​ @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming​​​ @queenmylovely​​​ @ilovequeenmorethanyou​ @johndeaconshands​​​ @borhapbois​​​ @stardust-galaxies​

Doing press wasn’t easy, especially when interviewers insisted on questioning you all separately. You preferred having at least one of the boys to back you up. They’d been dealing with the whole interview process for so long now they knew how to avoid answering things they didn’t want to, knew how to deal with rude reporters. But it was all new to you. Perhaps that was why this particular interview had gone so badly. There was no Freddie to make the right snide comment, no Roger to get pissed off on your behalf, no Brian or John to squeeze your knee comfortingly or take over when you go tongue tied.

Things between you and the rest of the band had been going much better since Freddie had locked you in that room together. It didn’t happen overnight, there were still lingering tensions. But any badmouthing they did of you was out of your hearing which you much preferred. Gradually, as the tour wore on, there were less tensions. They got used to having you around, began including you in their games of scrabble and their not-quite-awake conversations over hotel breakfasts. Until one day, in the final leg of the tour, when Freddie admitted to you quietly that he hadn’t overheard any whispered comments for nearly a week. “And here I was thinking we’d never get there.” “Oh hush, darling, I told you from the beginning they wouldn’t hate you forever. Sure they took a little longer to come around than I had anticipated but it all worked out in the end. And now when you tell them the execs have asked for another full album featuring you, they probably won’t kill you.” They hadn’t, of course, though you’d worried for the safety of everyone involved in making the decision. Roger looked as if he were a second away from punching the first person to talk to him.

They took less time to calm down though, especially after they saw how nervous you got before the first interview. Your agent had decided some preliminary press would help build excitement for the album before the songs were even written. Calls were made, journalists were found, and before you knew it you were facing a crowd of people vying to ask you their questions, cameras flashing the whole time. It was a lot. More than pushing you into the deep end, you’d be thrown to the bloody sharks. Any lingering ill will the boys had for you vanished after that. They’d all thankfully been there too, had drawn the attention to themselves rather than let you struggle to answer everything on your own. After that they’d kept an eye on you during the smaller interviews. Mostly the reporters were happy to talk to you all together and, as long as you said one or two things about how excited you were to be working with Queen again, and how much fun touring with them was, you could get away with letting them take lead. But every now and then you got stuck with some jackass who wanted to quiz you solo. And this interview, this horrid interview, had been one of them.

Roger pushed the magazine away from himself, letting it slide as far down your kitchen table as it would go. “She’s a fucking bitch that reporter.” You looked down at the magazine, still open to your interview, the headline alone making your stomach turn. “No, sorry, that’s an insult to dogs. She’s a fucking cunt.” “Rog,” “No, that’s an insult to vaginas. There is no word strong enough for that poor excuse for a journalist.” “Roger, sit down.” Roger shot Freddie a dirty look but sat down anyway, his knee bouncing with restless energy, “Sorry. I’m just pissed off.” “Yes, we gathered that, thanks Rog,” “She took everything I said out of context, you have to believe me.” “We do, Y/N, we do,” John said softly from beside you, rubbing circles on your back. “It started well, I swear. Just the usual questions y’know, what’s it like working with Queen? How does it feel to be singing next to Freddie Mercury? Were you nervous about touring with them? Can you give us any hints about the new album? All the things that usually come up that Freddie coached me on how to answer, and I was doing fine. I had my prepared answers and there was no stumbling over words or anything like that. I thought I’d finally got the hang of it all and then she asked me to elaborate on what it was like working with you. I’d already told her the usual thing – it was fun and y’know blew my mind and all that. But then she asked how it compare to being your groupie.” “You didn’t answer her did you?” “Christ no, Brian! Jesus what do you take me for?” Brian held his hands up in apology. “I told her that it wasn’t relevant, but she kept asking, one question after another thrown at me and no matter what I said she didn’t stop. All sorts of stuff, like which of you was the best shag, and if I’d only wanted to be your groupie because I hoped it would lead to my own album, and if I was still offering my services,” you made air quotes around the words, “accused me of using you for my own gain and asked if you were the first band I’d tried it with or if you were just the only ones gullible enough to let me. I tried to tell her no and that I wasn’t going to answer those questions but she just kept going and then she told me to get used to the attention and left. I guess she didn’t need my answers to write a whole article about it.” “Which of us is the best shag?” Brian repeated the question though you suspected he wasn’t just checking he’d heard you correctly. The others all fell quiet, waiting to see if you’d answer. “Really Bri? That’s what you got from that?” “Right, right, sorry, not the important part. Look, it’s not as bad as you think it is.” “Bri’s right, love,” Roger said, much calmer than he had been before, “there’s nothing of substance in here. Like this quote, as for the fun Ms Y/L/N mentioned was had on tour, one can’t help but wonder just what she meant. Could the stories about nights spent playing boardgames be covers for debauched, drug-fuelled, orgies the likes of which would make a pornstar blush, I mean, there’s nothing there. It’s all conjecture and anyone worth a damn will see right through it.” “But some people will believe it,” “Maybe, yes,” Freddie said, “but it’ll blow over. We’ve all been in the same place you are at one time or another. If anything this officially makes you one of the band.” “Yeah, Y/N, it’s all just spiteful rubbish.” “Thanks guys, but I think I might just call it a day, go back to bed. Stay if you want, I don’t mind. But if you leave lock the door behind you.” You stood and headed to your bedroom.

The four boys stayed quiet until you were out of your room but you heard their hushed voices and hissed comments through your bedroom door as you pulled off your jeans and unclasped your bra from under the baggy jumper you wore. It took about five minutes before there was a soft knock on your bedroom door. “Y/N, can I come in?” You contemplated feigning sleep. “I know you’re not asleep.” You sighed and sat up, hugging your knees to your chest, “Fine, Roger, come in.” “Freddie’s gone to make some calls,” he said, standing just inside your doorway, hands in his pockets. “Calls about what? It’s out there now, there’s no getting it back.” “No but we need to make it clear to other journalists that those kinds of questions won’t be answered in any future interviews, and hopefully we can make sure that parasite never gets to come anywhere near us again.” “Isn’t that mean to parasites?” Roger chuckled, “getting over it already, see,” he sat on the edge of the bed and placed his hand on your covered knee, “I know this sucks, and I get that you’re ashamed, but I promise it’s not as bad as it feels right now.” “I’m not ashamed.” “What?” “You said I’m ashamed of it but I’m not.” “Oh. I thought-” “I’m a bit embarrassed because obviously I’ve never told my family what it is I got up to when I went to all those concerts and now they’re all going to know, lord knows some of them will believe the worst of it. And I’m pissed off that I didn’t stand up for myself more. I just let her keep cutting me off and talking over me when I should have told her to fuck off or at least called her out for being a prudish arsehole who probably only attacked me because she’s jealous I’ve fucked three quarters of Queen. And I’m annoyed that you’ve all been brought up in the article, and she’s questioning whether your good people just because you sept with me. I mean does she expect you all to be virginal saints or something? It’s just frustrating and yes, upsetting. But I’m definitely not ashamed.” “Huh, okay then.” “What?” “Nothing, just, we assumed you regretted sleeping with us.” “Lord no. It wasn’t planned, like she was insinuating, but seeping with you definitely helped me get my foot in the door with this whole music thing. And even if it hadn’t done that, it was still fun as hell and made me feel good. If I wasn’t fucking you I would have been out having mediocre sex with guys I met in pubs and I don’t care how much of a slut it makes me seem, but I’d rather fuck a whole band every single night and actually get off than have a disappointing drunk lay with a guy who’s never heard of the clitoris. Fuck, I’d still be doing the whole groupie thing now, and be perfectly happy with it, if Freddie hadn’t heard me singing that day. That night at the after party, that was heaps of fun.” “Give me a second would you,” Roger stood and walked to the door, giving you another glance before he turned the corner. You watched the doorway, not quite sure what to make of his behaviour but your questions were answered soon enough when he reappeared with Brian and John following. “So apparently we misread the situation,” Brian said, taking the seat Roger had just vacated. John sat cross legged at the end of your bed while Roger flopped onto the mattress beside you. “I can’t believe you’d think I regretted being your groupie. Have you met me?” “In our defence you seemed very upset, what were we meant to think?” “I had a shitty interview and got called a whore in a very public way, of course I’m upset. Doesn’t mean I regret anything.” “Yeah, that makes sense. Sorry, we should have realised. But we have a proposition for you. We actually thought of a way to cheer you up when we first saw the magazine this morning but then when we got here you seemed so sad and we didn’t want to make you more upset or uncomfortable,” “What Brian is trying to say is that we have an idea we think you might like.” “Jesus will you two stop beating around the bush?” “Shut up Rog, I’m getting there.” “Y/N,” Roger said cutting off the others before they could waffle any longer, “Would you like to fuck us again?” You almost choked. “Zero tact. What he means is, we thought we could cheer you up. All three of us, entirely focused on making you forget that magazine.” “Wait, I’m confused,” you massaged the bridge of your nose as you tried to catch up to them, “you saw an article that called me a whore and thought it would cheer me up to, what, be your shared fucktoy again? Yeah it was fun but-” “No, no, no, that’s not what we mean,” John said, “you’d be in control of how it all happens. It wouldn’t be like last time.” “So, you’d be my whores?” “I guess?” “The point is,” Roger chimed in, “we want to make you feel better. If that means making you cups of tea and buying you a box of chocolates that’s fine. But it could also mean you having three cocks and all the orgasms you can handle.” You looked from Roger to John to Brian and then back again, trying to work out if they were joking or not. But they all seemed sincere enough for you to actually think about their proposition. It wasn’t what you were expecting to hear from them, and it hadn’t crossed your mind until they mentioned it. But now that they had, you had to admit it sounded fun. Last time had been fun and that was when you’d been passed around and used mercilessly, so having them all again, but with a bit more say in how it happened, could only be better. Plus, part of you wanted to prove how unashamed of your groupie history you were and what better way than this? “Okay, I’m in.”

“Do we need to set any ground rules?” Brian asked. “You all know my safeword,” “Saxophone,” You laughed at the chorus of eager voices, “Yes, exactly. Other than that I don’t think there’s anything to worry about. Not like this is new exactly, is it?” “Well, no, I s’pose not.” “Exactly. And if there’s anything I don’t want I’ll tell you. So you’re,” you pointed at Roger, “going to kiss me now, while you two undress,” “Getting right to it, excellent,” Roger laughed, as he pushed himself closer to you. He didn’t waste any time, leaning in to kiss you right away. It started off a little too soft for your liking but as soon as soon as you made it clear how into it you were, kissing him back harder and pressing yourself closer, Roger reciprocated. His hands wandered down to your chest as you felt Brian and John get up, following your orders, their clothes left where they landed on the floor. Roger’s hands were soon replaced by Brian’s as he knelt behind you, and you found your head being pulled around so he could kiss you too. Roger took the opportunity to undress as Brian and John caught you between them. You couldn’t tell who was removing your clothes, only that once your jumper had been pulled over your head John was kissing you. He leaned back, tugging you along so Brian could pull your underwear off, his hands caressing your bare bum. “How do you want us?” John asked, brushing your hair back behind your ear. “Um,” you looked around at the three very naked bandmates waiting for your word, “One of you is going to eat me out. Don’t care who but I am going to cum.” “Yes Ma’am,” John laughed, lazily saluting you before rolling you onto your back and shuffling down between your thighs. You were taken by surprise when you felt his tongue run between your lips, expecting nips on your thighs and the teasing puff of his breath as he hovered just out of your reach. But he was clearly taking the job of cheering you up seriously. Brian and Roger weren’t any different, settling into the spaces on either side of you, their light touches only enhancing the feeling John had set off. You felt their fingertips on your breasts and in the ends of your hair, tugging just enough to send a shiver down your spine but not enough to make you gasp in pain. “So what would you like from us, love? What dirty little fantasies are going through your head right now?” Roger tapped his finger on the middle of your forehead. You opened your mouth but a small oh as John latched onto your clit replaced the words you’d been intending to say. “Think we’re going to need a little more than that, Y/N. C’mon, tell us what you want. Do you want us to just take turns fucking you, filling you up over and over and over.” “Or are you thinking more along the lines of last time? Taking two at a time because one cock isn’t quite enough for you now?” “Try three,” you managed to get out as you slid a hand into John’s hair to hold him in place, “want you all at once.” “Jesus,” Brian swore, dropping his lips to your neck. “I’ve been a piss-poor groupie considering the stories that reporter’s peddling. Everyone’s going to think I’ve been taking all three of you at once constantly, but we’ve never actually done that, have we? Might as well embrace my slut title and change that,” “Let us work up to it, Love” Roger said softly, recapturing your lips as he rolled your nipple between his fingers. You whined, partly from Roger and Brian’s attention and partly because John raised his head, your hips rising slightly at the loss. “Guess I should start stretching you out then,” he said offhandedly as he licked his fingers, the same way you’d seen him do a hundred times before while playing. You couldn’t stop the moan that rose up in your throat, the sound only making John chuckle against you as he lowered his head and resumed his focus on your clit.

It only took a few more minutes to have you swearing through your first orgasm. The two fingers John had inside you enough to send you over the edge as they brushed against every sensitive spot they could reach. Your neck tingled where Brian had marked it and your nipples were stiff peaks, extra sensitive to cool air after he and Roger had delighted in torturing them with teeth and tongue and fingertips. “How was that?” John asked, slowly withdrawing his fingers when he was satisfied you’d finished. “Fuck,” was all you could say, the three boys laughing, John dropping a kiss to the inside of your thigh. “Think you can handle more?” “Actually Bri I think I might be done,” “Oh. Really?” “I’m kidding.” “Thank Christ. I’m so fucking hard there’s no way I could get my pants back on anyway.” You laughed and pushed yourself to sit up, “Poor thing. I suppose you can use my cunt for a bit.” “Classic guitarists always getting first go,” “Shut it drum boy, I was about to offer to blow you but if you’re going to be like that,” “No, no, I didn’t say anything.” “He did Y/N, I heard him, blow me instead,” “Ignore Deaks, he doesn’t know what he’s talking about,” “Like a couple of – oh!” you were cut off as Brian grabbed you round the middle and wrenched you onto your hands and knees, “children. A little warning next time please,” “Sorry,” Brian leaned forward to kiss your back as his fingers trailed up the inside of your thigh, “but if I didn’t move this along we’d be stuck arguing about who gets to blow who forever.” “N-no we wouldn’t,” you stumbled over your words as Brian’s long, talented fingers pressed into you, “I made up my mind, Rog in my throat.” “What about me?” “Don’t worry Deaks, you’ll get your turn. If you want you can spank me though, or bite me or pull my hair or whatever else you can think of. You know my limits. Also we’ll need lube so if you want to go digging through my bathroom draws and find some you can. Might be a reward in it if you do.” “Spankher, please,” Brian nearly whined, “always makes her cunt so tight.” “Think I’d rather claim that reward thanks” “Alright then I’ll spank her,” “Guys! Can you stop arguing. I have holes enough for all of you, that’s kind of the point of this. And, Brian and Roger, if I don’t get both of your cocks deep, deep inside me within the next thirty seconds I will kick you both out and let John have his way with me on repeat.” A moment of silence accompanied your statement. You saw Roger, eyes wide, look over at John and then to Brian, and could only assume they were returning his dumbfounded look. “Twenty-nine, twenty-eight, twenty-seven,” Roger blinked as if waking from a daydream and hurried to kneel in front of you, one hand gliding over the length of his cock as the other reached for your hair. Your mouth fell open in a gasp as Brian suddenly filled you, holding your hips tight as he bottomed out, which gave Roger enough opportunity to push himself towards the back of your throat. There was a shift in the mattress as John got up but you were a little too preoccupied to hear the door open and shut or the sound of him rummaging through your bathroom. You only realised he’d returned when a sudden, loud spank hit you and you knew Brian’s hands were still occupied with your hips. For their parts, Roger and Brian were keeping you busy, skewered between them, not sure whether the noises coming from your own throat were moans or gags or wordless begging. Brian breathlessly laughed as John spanked you again, “So fucking tight. Bit harder?” “Y/N?” You made an assenting humming noise and nodded as much as Roger’s cock would allow which John rightly took as permission and so hit you again, harder than the last.

It was an intoxicating feeling, taking two cocks at once, all the while wanting more and knowing you’d have it before long. Brian fucked you hard and precise, as if his goal was to split you open from the inside out. Had it just been him and you alone you would have found yourself creeping further up the bed. It had happened a few times before, leaving you either hanging off the edge of the bed, or with your hands over your head and pressed against a wall in an effort to keep from banging your head. But all he managed to do was push you further onto Roger’s cock, making you gag and choke more often. Roger didn’t seem to mind that though, giving as good as Brian, firmly gripping your hair so that you couldn’t even attempt to move off him. The added impact from John’s hand just made you shiver and moan. He was the one who sensed you were getting close though, reaching under you to rub your clit and give you the extra push you needed to get over the edge. Brian wasn’t too far behind you, groaning as he tried to keep fucking you, his hips faltering as he twitched inside you and spilled his seed. You felt his hands on your backside as he spread your cheeks, leaning down to spit on your arsehole before he pulled out of you. Once Brian was finished with you, you tapped Roger’s thigh and he pulled back. “You okay?” he asked, stroking your cheek with a knuckle. “Brilliant, just thought that since I can move a bit easier, I’d take over. You look like you were close.” “Fucking yes I was close,” You giggled as you readjusted your position to be more comfortable, once again taking Roger’s cock between your lips. This time you pushed yourself lower, taking him deeper, making Roger swear above you. You pulled back again, hollowing your cheeks until you sank down once more. A strangled moan seemed to catch in Roger’s throat and it spurred you on. You reached out to cups his balls, massaging them in your hand as you took him as deep as you could and hummed. The hum turned into something akin to a squeal (though slightly muffled and choked off at the end) as the sticky cool of John’s lube covered finger teased your arsehole, tracing circles around it before slowly sinking into you. The sight seemed to be enough to finish Roger off, one hand on the back of your head to steady himself as he shot his load down your throat, pulling out towards the end so the last of it dribbled down your chin. “Now me?” John asked, pushing a second finger in with the first as Roger let you go. “Stretch me out a little more and then yes,” “Oh, no, I’m not ready for that yet. I want your tits.” “What?” “Your tits, Y/N. Turn around,” His fingers left you and you were free to move, shuffling on your knees to face him. John pressed down on your shoulder pushing you to sit back on your knees and adjusting your angle so he could slide his lubed up shaft between your breasts. He pushed them together with his palms and slid them up and down his dick as he rutted against you, spreading the sticky lube over your chest. With a slight smile at John, you  dipped your head a little and kissed the tip of his cock as it moved towards your lips. “Fuck, been waiting so long for this,” he groaned, “gon-na make a mmm-ess all over you.” He gave up on speech as he neared his released, communicating exclusively in grunts and increased speed until he finished, covering your chest and sternum in ropes of cum that dripped down your skin.

You laughed as John fell back. The hardest you could remember laughing in a while. “What’s so funny?” Brian asked, reaching out to rub your shoulder. “Just thought what that reporter would say if she could see me now, naked and dripping in spunk,” you managed to get out between giggles, “her face would be fucking priceless.” The boys laughed along with you, glad you could see the funny side of the situation with the article. “Does that mean you’re feeling better?” “Yes Rog, but I’m still not done with you.” “What did you have in mind?” “Well,” you crawled over to where Roger was sitting, leant back on his hands, and placed your hand on his throat, tilting his face away from you a little so you could lick a long stripe from his jaw to his temple, “I meant it when I said I wanted all of you.” “Never doubted it, love,” he sounded a little breathless. “Just let me know when you’re all ready to go again. Not you Rog, I can see you’re ready.” “I’m good too Y/N,” “Yeah, same,” “In that case,” you shifted your position, lining yourself up with Roger and sinking down on him, squeezing his throat a little harder as you adjusted. “John, you still got that lube?” “Yes, uh, yeah here,” there was the sound of a cap flipping open and you leaned forward encouraging Roger to lay back so you could give John better access. “Hey, Rog, can you spread your legs a little wider,” “S’pose so, just don’t kneel on my bollocks or anything,” “God give me a second, the thought of that just made mine try and jump up inside me,” You giggled as John shuffled closer, using his fingers to spread some more of the lube over you and to keep stretching you out. “What about me, Y/N?” “I haven’t forgotten you Bri. I want every inch of your cock shoved so far down my throat I can feel you for a week. Just let me get used to the others first, yeah? Still feels kinda odd having two of you at once since we’ve not done it much.” Brian nodded, contenting himself with running his fingers through your hair as he waited. John, having pulled his fingers from you and slicked up his dick with more lube, sank into you slowly, his hand on your back to keep you bent forward. It suddenly felt hard for you to pull in a new breath as you tried to adjust to the feeling of both of them, especially when John gave an experimental thrust, fucking you slowly to make sure it felt okay for everyone. Brian talked softly, reminding you to breathe and telling you how well you were doing, until you were better in control of your lungs and ready for more. “Are you sure you want me as well?” “Yes. Lets show that parasite just how far I’ll go, huh?” Roger laughed, “that’s the spirit.”

Brian didn’t need more convincing than that, though it did take a little trial and error to find the best way to accommodate all three of them. Brian tried perching his arse on the headboard but Roger whinged about “seeing nothing but Bri’s ballsack flopping about. And I know you see things when you’re gangbanging but that is too much.” In the end Brian stood next to the bed by Roger’s head, enough to the side that Roger’s view wasn’t impeded but still close enough so that the angle wouldn’t strain your neck. He gathered your hair into a messy ponytail as he pulled your mouth onto his cock, letting you work yourself further down his shaft as slowly as you needed, checking in with you every now and again to make sure you could take more. The other two were mostly still as you adjusted to Brian, though once or twice they’d given a small thrust or shifted slightly and made you whine. Once you had Brian buried as deep in your throat as he could go you paused for a few seconds and then pulled back again, strings of saliva breaking on your lips. “How was that?” “Good,” you gasped, “New. Kinda weird but very fucking good.” That didn’t really explain anything but you weren’t sure how to describe the nearly overwhelming fullness, the sudden heat, the tension in your belly which you couldn’t pinpoint as either anticipation or nerves or just because you were stretched open on three cocks. “And that’s without us doing anything,” “I know,” you grinned, “I’m excited. Why didn’t we try this sooner? But now you guys can cut loose. I’m not sure I’ll be much use in like riding you properly or whatever. Just don’t know my brain can focus on keeping both of you in my holes while I’m thinking about blowing Bri well. So, just fuck me however you can and we’ll see how it goes.” “Don’t worry, we’ll make you feel good,” John said, rubbing your back softly. “Yeah, course we will, love. And if ends up being shit then we can just take turns instead,” You nodded and took a deep breath before leaning forward to take Brian again. You controlled the pace once more, bobbing up and down his shaft, sucking on his tip, as the other two figured out their rhythm. It was a strange sensation to start. It felt clumsy and more than a little awkward, especially when John mentioned how he could feel Roger inside you. But that eased as they adjusted and worked out how best to fuck you. John held your hips as he plunged into you, each thrust harder than the last as his confidence rose and he found out what you liked most. Roger’s hands moved over your skin rather than staying in once place, palming your breasts and teasing your nipples between his fingertips before sliding down your side to grasp your waist and then back up to your breasts. You were rocked on his cock with each of John’s pounding thrusts, which only made you moan around Brian’s. You let instinct take over there, one hand stroking from his base up to meet your lips as you swallowed him deeper. His hips jolted when you whined or moaned and before long you dropped your hand away from his shaft, instead grabbing his arse to keep yourself steady. He pulled you off him again and you could feel the spit on your chin. “Forgot what a fucking incredible cocksucker you are.” Brian groaned, “But can I take over? Fuck your throat?” “Yeah, okay,” You had time for another breath and then you were pushed down again, right to the base. “There we go,” he groaned, pulling on your hair, “Gonna make you feel so fucking good.” Your hum was choked off and ended in a gag as Brian ground his hips into your face. That seemed to be the tipping point though. The moment all three of them forgot about awkward views or who was positioned where and became entirely consumed with fucking you deep and hard. You were glad to let them lead, grabbing you, pinching and pulling and squeezing every inch of you they could reach. And all the while spearing you on their dicks, keeping you in a cycle of mounting pleasure as they found all your most responsive spots inside and out. You felt your orgasm building again, the heat rising, getting more urgent as you got closer and closer. The sounds you made were muffled by Brian but that didn’t stop you making them, moaning with every pounding thrust. As you neared the edge Brian pulled you off his cock so they could all hear you properly, their encouragement mixing in your lust addled brain and creating a wall of noise that pushed you over the edge with a loud cry. And yet they didn’t stop. Brian waited until your orgasm was reduced to aftershocks that made you wince and whine and then cut off your air as he entered your throat again, resuming the long, deep strokes that made you gag until he came, holding you down as he emptied himself completely.

As soon as the other two didn’t have to worry about giving Brian access to your mouth they adjusted your position, John pushing on your back until you were bent over. Roger attached his lips to your throat as they simultaneously fucked into you, the change of angle pushing Roger’s cock against you in a way that had you seeing spots. You cried out again as Brian lay a slap on your arse. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” John grunted as he came too, unable to hold out any longer though he didn’t withdraw from you either. His hips slowed a bit and he whined softly but he kept fucking you. “Rog,” you panted, trying to get him to finish too. “You’ve got another one in you, c’mon love,” You whined but nodded, the familiar sensation already tightening in the pit of your stomach. Again the three of them encouraged you, John wrapping his hand around your waist to find your clit, Brian reaching under you to squeeze your breast as his other hand came down on your arse again. They gave you no option but to cum, shivering between them. Finally Roger let go too, moaning into your ear as he filled you up.

It took a moment to disentangle everyone, John being careful not to go too fast and hurt you, but finally you were able to collapse together, sweaty and panting, spread out over the room. “So, cheered up now?” Brian asked from where he’d lain down on the carpet You peered over the edge of the bed at him, “Think so. Thanks for that, it was fun.” “Any time, love,” Roger chuckled from the end of the bed, patting your knee, “and I mean that.” “I’m not you groupie anymore,” “Never said you were,” “Then what?” “What Rog means,” John cut in from where he’d spread out on you window seat, “is that if you ever need cheering up or to let out some frustrations, we’re here. We’re happy to help,” “Does your help always involve a gangbang?” “Not always,” Brian laughed. “Well, a lot of the time,” Roger added with a wink. “I’ll keep it in mind,” you chuckled, “I’ll have to face my family at some point and there’s a high chance I’ll leave upset and frustrated so, we’ll see. Wonder how Freddie’s getting on with those calls.” “I’ll go give him a ring and find out,” Roger said, half groaning as he stood and stretched. He didn’t bother grabbing any of his discarded clothes before he left. “I’ll take Rog his pants,” John sighed as he got up and replaced his own underwear, exiting the room with an eyeroll, Roger’s underwear pinched between his thumb and pointer. “And I’ll...stay here?” Brian said, “unless you need anything?” “Nah, I’m going to jump in the shower. Let the other two know that’s where I am, would you?” “If you’re doing that, can I have the bed?” “Sure Bri,” you laughed, “as long as you promise to change the sheets when you wake up.”

[libraford]

Gonna say it first- you are never going to see nearly as many men in a flower shop as you are on Valentine’s Day. Close runner up is Administrative Assistant Appreciation Day, but given that this is our busiest day of the year and we don’t even hire temps for Admin Day, there really isn’t much of a contest. 

On an average day, our shop maybe sees between ten and twenty people walking in, with thirty to fifty deliveries. 

On V-Day, the walk-ins start at 7:30am and do not stop until past 7pm, with upwards 500 deliveries and we have to be there for all of it. 

But our V-Day week doesn’t start on V-Day. 

It starts an entire week before the actual holiday, and why? 

Because someone who should have honestly known better booked her $5000 wedding for February 9th. 

Now, when I say that she should have known better, I really do mean it. This woman works in the floral industry. She manages and operates a greenhouse. Her wedding was actually at the greenhouse. 

For context of what a $5000 wedding looks like, our average wedding account is around $1000. This bride got a discount on all her flowers. 

All of hers was greens and tropicals. Anthurium, orchids, succulents, ivy, African Mask. These were all live plants that we had to cut, and some that were being saved whole for a succulent wall. 

Setup had five locations. The church, the cottage, a corridor, the greenhouse, and the foyer. The average is two. 

Monday, February 4, a man calls and informs us that he has the shipment of flowers. 

“How big is the shipment,” Grandpa asks.

“86 boxes.” 

“...ah.” 

Live plants need to be taken out of their boxes to keep them alive- they need light, they need to breathe, and the wedding is at the end of the week. They began unboxing succulents and miniature orchids at 10:30 and finished with the english ivy and African Mask plants around 3:45. 

These take up a grand total of 5 carts. These are large carts- hardly fitting in a doorway and each holding between fifty and one-hundred plants. 

And the only place we can keep them... is in the front of the store. 

For an entire week- and this is the week leading up to our busiest week of the year, we can neither see nor hear any person coming into our shop. 

My desk is positioned in the back of the room, facing the wall. But when I’m working on casket sprays, I pull out a table and have myself facing the door. 

I became the sentry of customers. And unfortunately this meant that I had to deal with them. Just about all of them wanted to buy some of the miniature orchids and I briefly considered moving my desk to the front of the store so that I could hide among the carts like some kind of orchid goblin- smacking the hands of people who get too close to the plants before retreating back into the foliage. 

The number of people wanting to buy the stock from the wedding only increased when we put a big sign on it reading ‘WEDDING, NOT FOR SALE.’

We began working on them Wednesday. And for the next three days we had people asking ‘how much is this centerpiece?’

Too much. 

The answer is ‘too much.’ 

The Phantom of Phaleanopsis asks for nothing less than your soul. 

Friday-

We put the last of the centerpieces together- which includes fifteen very tall mercury glass vases (a shape henceforth known as a ‘pilsner’)  where the arrangements are designed in a dish and set on top of the vase. 

Because theses vases are so tall, they are set on the floor to be worked on. 

This puts them at about waist-height. 

You know where this is going. 

“Red, can you put this centerpiece away?” 

“Sure thing!”

Red stoops down and begins to carry the vase from the bottom, and just as Grandpa begins to say ‘no, the top- they’re not attached,’ his weight is thrown off and the entire thing topples over and a loud and high-pitched crash resonates through the room. 

If you know mercury glass, you know that when it breaks- it shatters into a million pieces. If you don’t know mercury glass, imagine the last time you’ve seen a busted lightbulb. 

Silence fell over the workshop, and for the first time since we’d opened that day, it was quiet enough to hear the radio. 

I-Iiiiii’m Speechless...., sang Dan + Shay on Central Ohio’s Best Country Station 92.3 WCOL

“Red,” says Grandpa. “Please tell me you know where another one of those might be.” 

Blue speaks up instead. “There’s still one at the front of the shop,” she says, coming to the rescue. Red is very sorry, apologizes profusely and spends the rest of the day outside a five-foot perimeter of Grandpa’s workspace. 

There are at least four more near-misses of the very last pilsner vase being brushed by someone’s leg someone barely grazing the draping ruscus as they walk by. We learn to stay away. Grandpa glares at anyone who comes too near. 

She has just finished the last one and allows Coach to squeeze through to get to the computer. We are cleaning up. We are done. Just one more day and the largest wedding we’ve ever done will be wrapped up and we can move on to Valentine’s Day. 

As Coach turns to go back to his desk, his knee just barely hits a single frond of asparagus fern and we all watch, in slow-motion, as Grandpa catches the centerpiece in one hand, but fails to steady the pilsner. And into a thousand shiny pieces, it shatters- to the tune of Cole Swindell singing ‘...even though we break up in the end.’

“That... was the last one,” she says. “I gotta stop making these things on the fucking floor.” 

That was the last one. There are no more. The only option is to order more pilsners to be delivered at night and hope to every god that they actually bring them. 

It is now Saturday and everything looks amazing: 

And we are due in at 10:30. 

There are no pilsners. 

And add insult to injury, the night driver came in under cover of darkness and stole all of our pegboards. 

Pegboards are thick, interlocking plastic panels with a grid on them intended to hold pegs of PVC pipe securely. Setting arrangements on them and then surrounding those arrangements with those pegs helps transport them safely. 

We can’t move these without pegboards. All of the vases are mercury glass. They will break. 

Grandpa, summoning the rage of every short person in her family tree, screamed into the phone until someone finally agreed to send back our damn pegboards and the fucking pilsners. 

“Do you not understand that this is a $5000 wedding and that the person getting married is one of our vendors?”  I can only imagine the reason they finally sent someone because the three-headed monster that runs this place felt a swift kick in the wallet.

As soon as a person arrives with our pilsners and pegboards, all four persons required to set up the wedding in four separate vans are out the door, and the bride... is on the phone. 

“Um... I’m due to get married in the next hour and none of your people are here.” 

“They just left a few moments ago,” I said to Kris Stapelton’s ‘Broken Halos.’ The fact that I can hear the country music is a sign that everyone... everyone... is listening. “They’ll be there in just a few moments.” 

“They better be.” 

This is the only time I have heard this woman mad. 

Hours pass and we have no word on anything. No word is good word. Phone calls are bad. We don’t like them here. 

The setup crew returns with good news- everything is fine. Red occupied himself with a standee cut-out of the Pope and took a number of photos with him posing next to him. I’m told this is a Catholic thing. No one could confirm it. 

It is 5:00 and we have made it through another day. 

Sunday morning. 9am. 

The phone rings.

No. 

Just... stop. 

“Hello, uh... this is the greenhouse. See the problem is that when we were taking your uh... what are these tall vases?”

“Pilsners?”

“Yeah, when we took them down we lined them all up. But one of the movers didn’t know that the flowers weren’t attached so... they all kinda tumbled down domino-style. And we kinda broke... all of them.” 

Grandpa did that thing where she kind of laughs and weeps at the same time, to the sound of Brothers Osbourne singing ‘Shoot Me Straight.’ 

[gravitasfalls]

A rant on fandom etiquette, the GF fandom, and what they did 4 years ago (and now)

By now, my “bullshit” tag has refuted most of the ridiculous hot takes, fun policing, and harassment that fans of Stanford Pines have had to face from the wider Gravity Falls fandom. But these rebuttals fall short of naming the real problem with anti-Ford wank: we never should have seen it in the first place.

People might have genuinely forgotten this, but fandom used to have etiquette against character hate. We called it “wank” and “bashing” instead of dignifying it as “discourse”. As late as 2014, fandoms on this very site had “X hate” or “anti-X” tagging systems for blacklisting, as courtesy to people who liked X thing...

...a far cry from GF fans of 2015 demonizing Ford in the most inexplicable ways, making every post a platform for that, siccing their followers on anyone fully positive about him, then pretending that never happened post-finale as they continue the bashing more insidiously to this day.

Like, what even was that? There’s a lot to unpack in those people’s arguments but let’s just throw out the whole suitcase.

(Under the cut: Snapshots of discourse I shouldn’t have had to put up with over the years, and snark-based coping with that. It gets ugly, you’ve been warned.)

Ford is irredeemable/deserves to suffer, why he didn’t even thank Stan!!1

Thanks I hate it! “It” being your apparent decision that, because you can’t make the fictional character suffer, real people who like him are the next best thing.

Ford is egotistical! Have I mentioned on literally every post I think his only trait is “egotistical”?

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. But while that is just, like, your opinion man, you’re entitled to it on your own posts; you’re falsely entitled about it by forcing it on dissenters’ posts and inboxes.

*dumps negativity into inboxes anyway*

Your Hot Takes have disturbed and insulted me. You fools are unworthy of my great knowledge. The era of human enlightenment shall never come to pass.

You really think Ford is some kind of hero?

Only after you told me I wasn’t Allowed to see him as one and I Examined My Desires™ like you demanded! Funny how critical thinking ≠ agreeing with you.

Ford is your favorite? WHY DO YOU HATE MABEL.

Better question, why are you copying “WHY DO YOU HATE AMERICA” logic? 9/11 did fan drama I swear

Ford is NOT PURE OF HEEEAAART, so you have to Constantly Explicitly Acknowledge his Sins and interrogate what relating to him says about you.

I got no friends ‘cause they read the papers. It’s funny, actually, projecting onto him got me dangerously close to processing some negative experiences from my past... good thing I have you here to shut those thoughts down <3 Thanks for saving me from myself uwu

If you just want to project onto a comfort character in peace, Stan is right there! His lack of fantasy elements makes him more relatable anyway!

Ford brought Bill’s manipulation on himself!

Damn fandom, back at it again with the GROSS VICTIM BLAMING

FFS why is this take as prominent now as ever??? at least the outlandish criticisms were funny, this one just makes me want to be dead.

Ford is abusive/manipulative because he doesn’t make fun of Dipper/ made a case for his apprenticeship/ called Mabel good/ complimented her personality!

(Yes, people did these mental gymnastics; yes, my soul left my body instantly.)

STOP trying to justify Ford’s actio-ma’am this is an Arby’s. also:

Ford is the Epitome of Toxic Masculinity, if you defend him either he’s your Male Power Fantasy or you’re a ditzy fangirl broad with ovaries for brains!

Ah yes, the two genders. Pack it in, everyone, we’ve reached peak feminism and patriarchy is over.

Someone negativity-tagged my Ford post, WTF?! I’m not “anti-Ford”, I’m “pro Ford-learning-a-lesson”!

And pro his-fans-never-having-a-moment-of-peace, apparently! Sorry I assumed you were a hater by your complete lack of positive things to say about him tho

Ford is a sociopath/deserves death for having no empathy!

"Tumblr is as ableist as any majority-conservative site," I say into the mic. The crowd boos. I begin to walk off in shame, when a voice speaks and commands silence from the room. "You’re right," they say. I look for the owner of the voice. There in the 3rd row stands: tumblr.

*Dozens of 10000+ note posts calling Ford stupid, manipulative, solely at fault for everything that went wrong, other inanities*

(This is the fandom that made me get Xkit. I’m sure hundreds of my 1000+ blocked posts are theirs.)

If you like Ford on any terms but ours then I’m sorry, but Gravity Falls just isn’t for you, k?

I don’t have a flippant response to this one. Just... stop. No one has to agree with you about this character; no, nor with me. No one even has to engage with fandom moralistically; I promise it wouldn’t hurt anyone if I were to watch this show without having to Interrogate its Morality. It wouldn’t even hurt if people voiced character hate within reasonable bounds of tagging, as I’ve said. But instead they spread it like the plague in the name of Purity and insinuated (using ages-old “ur a fake fan!!1″ no less) that we don’t get to have outlets. I’m tired.

Look at my hilarious/satisfying art of Ford saying OOC strawman things, Stan beating him up, the kids turning their backs on him! (Srsly look at it I’ve put it in all the tags)

You’re madness, Gravity Falls fandom. Virulent madness. And everything you touch dies with you.

This is only a fraction of shit we’ve had to wade through, practically every day while the show was running. You couldn’t avoid it if you followed popular blogs. I saw the best meta writers of my fandom dogpiled by BNFs, dragging themselves through the blue hellsite at dawn looking for a fix-it fix. And people now expect me to believe it was “just Discourse” or that anything equivalent happened “in reverse” toward Stan. If I didn’t know better that they don’t know better, I’d call gaslighting.

I don’t expect to change anything. In fact, until this blog’s next go-around I don’t intend on seeking out new content anymore. I can’t keep looking at a fandom where the consensus on a canonically abused character’s victimization is that it was stupid, funny, a moral failing, or deserved, and expect anything to improve.

But to anyone else these people hurt: your anger or upset is valid, and I’m sorry. None of us deserved this. And I’m not letting it follow me into the next decade and make me forget why I liked this show in the first place, even if the only way to do that right now is cut off from the fandom a bit. I’m telling you, it never should have come to that. I don’t know if negativity-tagging can ever catch on here, considering tumblr has no boundaries by design and fandom no boundaries by choice... but for the sake of everyone who comes next, Gravity Falls fandom, make an effort.

[anangelicday-mrwolf]

Wolfsbane : Noblesse Fanfic (post-ending)

(previous chapter)

Chapter 16 – Sudden Shift

“Here.”

Though Lunark gingerly offered her hand, Frankenstein maintained his speechless stance, merely staring at her hand.

“What is it? Did you need more?”

“No... I felt that you’ve gotten better at this lately.”

Frankenstein’s eyes were noting the plastic bags she dispensed from her robe, packed with pink petals.

Her first trial at botanical excavation did not turn out beautiful. The bag she submitted to Frankenstein contained balls of dirt and soil dangling from roots of the wolfsbane plants, which later turned out to be partially mangled, thanks to Frankenstein’s inspection.

But this time she brought what looked like samples ready to be used at a lab. Frankenstein could not fathom what happened to her in the meantime.

“Did you ask your medical staff for a tutoring session on sampling?”

“Of course not. No one is supposed to know we’re seeing each other on...”

“I’m just saying. Or did I just get you?”

Lunark had to force an extraordinary calm on her mind in order to keep her body from a flinch.

Because, yes – he got her. He got her good.

Prior to this trip, she paid a visit to the medical staff of her kind, particularly those in charge of collecting and managing medicine. While pretending to check if they are doing what they are supposed to, she watched how they harvest, wash, and pack herbs and plants that will be used at labs and wards.

Lunark did not trust in her own acting skills, so she opted to change the subject in order to stay safe from Frankenstein’s uncanny skills in piecing together what he could see to deduce what he was not there to see.

“Anyways, where’s that damned roommate of yours?”

Though she changed the subject to get herself out of what could be an awkward situation, her excuse was more than legitimate.

It has been two days since the 3rd Elder promised her the list, and she intended to get it.

Thus she expected him to be waiting for her arrival, with Frankenstein, if not alone. Her eyes were displaying foul curves in displeasure as she looked around the lab yet again, knowing that she will pick up no signs of him.

“He’s outside, getting some food. He asked me to make the delivery before he left.”

Lunark pouted as she accepted a thin envelope Frankenstein passed on to her.

“That’s so not like what an elder of the Union would do. I bet he didn’t even dream that he’d turn out like this, wasting your resources and tasked with something that only the bottommost servants would do.”

“Sounds like you have sworn to hate him for the rest of your life. Not that I don’t get why.”

“But is it okay to let him spend time all by himself away from you? What if he uses this opportunity to get in contact with the Union?”

“Don’t worry. That’s why I implanted in him a special recording device, equipped with a tracker. Once it stops functioning, gets destroyed, stays immobile at a given coordinate past the set amount of time, or gets separated from his body, I will get an automatic notification.”

“You devised it yourself?”

“Yes. He’s also wearing a nano-camera on his shoulder, so I can get a visual record of his whereabouts. And of course, he consented to all of this beforehand.”

Lunark nodded, as she could finally see why Frankenstein did not seem worried about the 3rd Elder.

“You must be running out of time every single day. I mean, you must be busy checking what he does inside and outside this island.”

“Nah, not really. Unbeknownst to the 3rd Elder, the recording device and camera do not work while he is within the shorelines of this island.”

Instantly Lunark’s eyes popped wide open.

“What? So you don’t give a damn about what he does as long as he’s on this island?”

“Nope.”

“What are you thinking?! There’s no telling what he’d do on this island once he decides to do something! And this isn’t a moral issue – you said he consented to your surveillance!”

“I’m not like the Union. I have no intention whatsoever to do what those fiends would have done to M-21, Tao, Takio, and countless other test subjects. Since the 3rd Elder believes his camera and recording device are running 24/7, he wouldn’t dare plot something behind my back. Besides, now we’re in this together. So it can’t hurt to give him the least of my hospitality as an ally, can it?”

Lunark fired a huge ball of air from her body, as if she wanted him to feel guilty upon hearing the noise of the air current.

‘I knew it. He’d do anything he can in order to offer the very least of his generosity.’

She tried another complaint out of concern and frustration, only to give up when Frankenstein jokingly bickered, “Please don’t tell me you don’t trust me. And please don’t question what I can do; otherwise you’d kill my pride.”

Lunark then knew there is no way she could talk against his decision or benevolence.

‘Well, what did I expect? This is one of the many reasons that I fell for him.’

Lunark realized how the corners of her lips were tugging upwards on their own at the last part of her own thought and stiffened her facial muscles.

And she just had to meet Frankenstein in the eyes when she has done so. This time, she chose to turn herself somewhat unintentionally towards the entrance.

“You’re leaving?”

Lunark produced a reply that she had composed beforehand in case he calls upon her like this, and it was more than just an excuse.

“I have a job to do – related to the QuadraNet project.”

“What do you mean?”

“Just the day before, a noble messenger visited our land to ask us to escort the researcher sent by KSA. And since I already had a trip to this isle scheduled, I volunteered for the job.”

“Don’t you think you’re making yourself too busy? You should give yourself some rest from time to time.”

“I can’t do that. Not at a time like this.”

“...In that case, make sure you don’t starve.”

“Oh, don’t worry. I’m about to feed myself on my way.”

Not having anticipated her to give a positive answer, Frankenstein retorted by raising half of his eyebrows.

“Actually, there is this personal dining spot of mine, close to the Lukedonian boundaries. I’ll get there and wait.”

“What do you mean, Lukedonian boundaries?”

Frankenstein’s voice hit a pitch lower than usual. He was rather startled by what she revealed.

“Are you saying you have a history of waltzing near Lukedonian boundaries on regular basis?”

“Yeah. What about it?”

“Why would you do that? What if you get in troubles with the nobles?”

“I said it’s close to the boundaries. I didn’t say it’s at the boundaries. And you honestly think I didn’t take the nobles into consideration?”

“You never know when you might slip and...”

“Well, I’ve never been caught. So why worry?”

Lunark stared straight at him, as if posing incomprehension at his response, which rendered Frankenstein’s eyes no longer pacific.

‘What is with this woman? I knew she’s fearless, but...’

Frankenstein was about to scold her again, before he stopped short in his attempt.

Because he remembered that he, too, has a history of trespassing Lukedonia in order to thwart nobles’ hunt for him, thereby proving he contains no definition of fear in his brain.

And if she has never been caught for nearing Lukedonian boundaries, there was no point or reason for him to reprimand her. Not to mention now the conflict between nobles and werewolves is history. With diplomacy between two kinds set on a smooth sail, nobles will not protest about her behavior whatsoever, as long as she does not bring any threat to them.

“Need I remind you, I’m a warrior. Please don’t question what I can do; otherwise you’d kill my pride.”

She tilted her head and reiterated what he had said before.

She was, in a way, sassy.

Something Frankenstein has never imagined he would get to witness from her, who was usually shy and rather unjust to her genuine feelings.

Which is why he could not get her image out of his head even after her departure.

‘To be honest, she looked kind of adorable.’

As soon as he mumbled in his head, he stomped his own tongue with his teeth in horror.

Did I just dub her adorable?

Ever since he was young, Frankenstein took interest in the influence that illnesses and science would bring upon mankind’s welfare. It was not long before he bowed to dedicate his all to medical arts and technology.

Because of which he naturally cut himself from all means to associate himself with women.

And because of which he got to stay single for more than 2000 years.

In other words, he was clumsy in treating women as women.

So it was no wonder Frankenstein could not understand why he evaluated Lunark as adorable.

However, Frankenstein was a scientist. His instinctive gift in pinpointing causes and effects kicked in, and he soon reached a potential theory at work behind all this.

‘Do I really love her...? No, that’s impossible!’

Frankenstein attempted to negotiate with his mind, to stop it from occupying itself with Lunark.

Unfortunately for him, his curiosity refused to cooperate.

‘I have had spent at least 1000 years at Lukedonia under the wings of my master, but during that time I have never heard for once about a werewolf constantly showing up near Lukedonian boundaries.’

So either Lunark has never been caught by nobles upon her visits, as she asserted, or she has been caught, but not during the timeline when Frankenstein had made Lukedonia his home.

After weighing several options, Frankenstein came up with a new inquiry –

‘Just how old is she? She’s obviously more than a couple centuries old. So how many years are there between our birthdates?’

Then Frankenstein realized there was no reason for him to be curious about their age difference, wasting his time and mentality like some soon-to-be-40-years-old who received confession from a young lady who just became an undergraduate.

And Frankenstein was appalled once again that he just had to come up with such a metaphor.

Frankenstein sighed, his head drooping in defeat after a battle lost against his mental algorithm, infinitely far from sane.

Although the chances are slim, he hoped that Lunark would take as much time as she can to take Yuhyung to her kind’s territory. That way he would get to reserve some time for himself before she revisits, during which hopefully he would sort out his head and free it from thoughts about the werewolf lady so very successfully blowing his mind upon every appearance.

And thus Frankenstein once again ignored his sudden shift of heart, albeit with pain and struggle.

*****

“...This is not what I had in mind.”

Lunark ruefully sucked pink-orange flecks of flesh remaining on her fingers.

It has been less than 24 hours since Lunark left the island (and the owner of the island in mental knockout), until she reached a certain point close to Lukedonian boundaries.

The “personal dining spot” she mentioned to Frankenstein happened to be the Bermudan Treasure Chest. Even centuries before humans named this spot Bermudan Treasure Chest, Lunark made it her personal hotspot for dining.

Because for a reason she could not decipher, the fishes of this place were much bigger and tastier than the identical species elsewhere.

She could not find time at all to look after something other than battles or missions, much thanks to the Union. Therefore, she was thrilled to find this place after all this time. She has exaggerated to herself how it has been at least centuries before she could make this trip, and she was excited for the fireworks that would soon take place in her mouth, which will surely bring glee for which she would not be surprised to find her eyes teary.

Alas, the taste and volume presented by the fish she had hooked up barehanded was not even close to what she remembered. She could find out the fault did not lie in her taste buds.

“Just what on earth is going on here...?”

She muttered upon spotting miniscule pieces of corals drifting by the surface of water, where she dumped the guts and bones of fish she ate.

Lunark was currently standing on a body of rocks stranded in the middle of water, distanced from coral reefs. Nevertheless, she could see pieces of dead corals wherever she turned.

Now she could not name the exact year or date of the time she was last here, but she could bet she had never once seen something like this in the past.

She would have made her move to check and see if this is something happening widely across this marine region, only if she did not happen to be waiting at the rendezvous.

“Greetings.”

The moment she settled with herself to come back here later, a voice beckoned her, not extremely familiar, not completely strange, either.

Rael was addressing her with his eyes, his entrance made so subtle she could not even feel his presence.

“Long time, no see. First time ever since the last showdown against 1st Elder, isn’t it?”

“Quite. I was at your kind’s territory the day before, to negotiate the escort of KSA researcher. But I don’t remember seeing you when I was there.”

“I had something to do. You must have visited when I wasn’t there. Anyways, is he the one?”

“Yes. Uh, so...”

Rael’s face distorted in an unspeakable way. In fact, Lunark was barely holding onto laughter from the moment she had recognized him.

For Yuhyung was clutching onto Rael with his entire body. Lunark would have mistaken him for a koala, had he not been born with limbs too long to be those of the said mammal.

To top it off, he had his face buried into Rael’s back, as if he were actually playing koala.

“...Is there a problem?”

“He assumed such position, saying how he is not used to transportation not using human transportations. I would like to offer an apology in advance; your trip will not be a comfortable or convenient one.”

“Doesn’t matter. It’d be nothing with what we had gone through against Union, and that was only weeks ago.”

Rael tapped Yuhyung’s arm, to hand him over to Lunark. At last Yuhyung peeked and clumsily detached himself from the noble, to go ahead and sheepishly offer his hand.

“P-pleased to meet you. Yuhyung Jang is my...”

Yuhyung got to look into Lunark’s face, which brought about a sudden shift out of blue.

His face turned pale as he squeaked in panic, and his body dropped and made an audible “plop.” His eyes backflipped, and his entire body fell to the ground as he started emitting bubbly fluid from his mouth.

It all happened so quickly Rael and Lunark could not even react.

Fortunately, it did not take long until they lunged towards the human in alarm.

(next chapter)

Personally I really enjoyed writing this chapter. You keep denying it, Frankie, but you know you love her. XD

[plzletmebeskinnty]

New Year Tea

I don’t know about you guys, but I haven’t reached my UGW yet. I’m currently about 35-36ish pounds (15.8-16.3kg) away from it. Last year, with the number of binges I had, I basically outdid all the progress I made. 

The funny thing is that I was aiming to eat only around 500 calories a day and somedays even 200 calories. I would only be able to do it for about 5-7 days straight, then I would “binge” or, in other words, eat 1300-1800 calories for the day in one sitting.

So basically, I ruined most of my progress through that binge. 

I would do this over and over again and not see the inherent problem in WHY I was binging so much and so frequently and WHY everything I did was so damn counterproductive. 

My calorie intake

I’ve literally JUST realized today that maybe the reason why I was binging so often is because I was eating only 500 or under a day. So, I turned to some people that I knew on some of the ed groups I knew online, and I got my answer. 

Maybe...I should limit myself to 1000 calories a day 

NOW I was really not feeling that number.

1000 was so much for me to see on paper, even though at this point, I was binging just about every day. 

 I went on MPA and saw a bunch of people who got to a BMI of 16 eating 1000-1100 a day in 2-3 months (from a healthy BMI). 

They preferred eating 1000 to opposed to let's say 600 since they were less likely to binge. 

Then I plugged into losertown my stats with a moderate exercise regiment, and the next thing I know.....I saw that I could be 98lb in 14 weeks...

THAT’S 3 1/2 MONTHS 

 36lb GONE IN 3 1/2 MONTHS

I don’t know about you guys...But back in August, if I was eating 1000 calories a day and exercising EVEN JUST A LITTLE instead of trying to eat only 500 calories and binging, I would have been 98lb A LONNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG time ago. 

It makes me SO mad and disappointed in myself because of this SHEER FACT.

2020 HAS TO be the year I reach my UGW, I have no excuses, losing 36lb is HELLA DOABLE.

So that’s going to be my max limit for at least 75%-80% of the time

This post is already crazy long, so I’ll put my complete diet details in another post.

What I’m trying to tell you guys is this: I know it’s hard, trust me, I do, but at least keep 1000 calories at the back of your mind. Not only will you get WAY more nutrients than you would eating 500 calories, you can still lose hella weight. 

Especially in my case, 500 calories only make you lose if you don't binge the next day, it’s very apparent that a great deal of us have really bad binging tendencies. It’s way more productive to eat 1000 calories a day and lose 8-11 pounds a month than eat 500 calories, then binge the next day and only lose 3 pounds a month, is it not?

Even though 1000 isn’t exactly healthy, it sure is a heck of a lot healthier than 500 calories

stay safe guys... I know it’s hard to

[misunderstood-shadows]

The Hunteress: Chapter 5

Warnings: None Word Count: 1856 About: Sequel to Goodbye, I Love You and The Ripper. Alessandra is back hunting with the Winchesters. Something is sparking between her and Sam, but when a new threat threatens the Mikaelson’s she is drawn back into a world she is desperately trying to escape. Edited/Beta-ed: No

Series Masterlist

Sam and Dean stood near the door, both their eyes darting between Elijah and I.

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier?” I growled. I was starving, but my fury was overtaking my need to feed. “You should’ve told me the second you knew Mikael and Esther had returned.”

Elijah did not blink. He was stood in the middle of the room, commanding the space in his usual fashion, hand in pocket. “I am here now.”

I rolled my eyes. “A call would’ve sufficed.”

I heard Sam’s rapid heartbeat, and dared a look at him. From the moment I woke, he hadn’t spoken to me. I could sense something was wrong, but Elijah had been too intent on pulling me away from the Winchesters to allow me a moment alone with him.

Now Sam stood, beside his brother, isolated from me. He caught my eye, and managed a small smile. I didn’t want to return to New Orleans with Elijah. I had just escaped, I was on my way to being happy with Sam, and Dean was beginning to accept me.

“You should go.” Dean was set. “Sammy and I can cover our end. If you come back, we can pick up.”

“Of course, I am coming back,” I said softly. I looked between the brothers. “I’ll come back.”

I could see in their eyes that they didn’t believe me.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

The Bentley rumbled soothingly beneath us, the scenery outside the window flying by.

“The boy Sam seemed awfully attached to you.”

“I not partaking in meaningless conversation with you, Elijah.”

“This will be an awfully long ride if you refuse to speak.”

“Then I guess that it’s going to be an awfully long ride.”

I kicked off my boots, resting my socked feet on the dash. There was silence, only broken by the sound of the tyres on the highway. I closed my eyes, focussing solely on the sound. The slight chances in frequency, imperfections in the road, even the sound of the engine. Anything to get my mind off the impending sense of dread.

“You should know, Esther is offering a deal.”

I hummed. “What? What more can she do to us?”

“She’s offering to make us mortal. To place us in human bodies, so that we might be purified of the monsters we have become.”

I didn’t answer.

“Alessandra.” Elijah’s voice was soft.

Don’t let him in.

I didn’t answer.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

I could smell wolf from outside. Elijah threw the car roughly into park, then got out, leaving me to follow.

“Brother! Niklaus!” he hollered.

I wince, following him through the entrance. A crowd of men and women, the remains of the Crescent pack, milled around, looking unsettled, despite the fact that their scent had permeated every inch of the place.

“You do realize that literally everyone in here has supernatural hearing, right?” Hayley said, irritated. I hummed in agreement, drifting off towards the kitchen but still listening to their conversation.

“Where is my brother?” Elijah asked without answering. The kitchen was mercifully clear, and an I dumped my backpack on the counter before making my way to the fridge.

“I'll check his calendar... Wait, no. Not his wife, so...”

“Hayley, this city is under siege by an army of beasts following my deranged mother's every command. Now, considering it was your people who just declared war on my kind, now's not the best time for your particular brand of sass.”

“Klaus left a while ago. If you want to find him, I can't help you. If only there was a magical device that people used to call people? I don't know, I'm out of ideas. Good luck.”

There was a loud bang, and the sound of laughter echoed in from outside. 

Nobody does Halloween like New Orleans.

The fridge was stocked with blood, as usual, along with a selection of meats and fresh produce. For what seemed like the first time in 1000 years, I wondered what it would be like to eat a normal meal, and actually be able to enjoy it. Yes, I could make myself a steak whenever I wished, but it tasted bland and un-filling.

“Alessandra,” Elijah’s was cool behind me.

“Yes, Elijah?” I asked, not turning from the fridge.

“We are going to Marcel’s. The wolves left a message last night. The time for idleness has passed. Leaving now.”

I sighed, closing the door. “Right behind you.”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

I could tell from the layer of dust that the Audi needed a good run.

“Can I drive?”

Elijah glanced at me, at the car, then back at me. “Not. A. Scratch.” He threw me the keys and I smiled.

We drove slowly through the crowded streets, dodging day-drunk tourists. 

Once we reached the main highway across the river, I opened up the engine, letting it roar beneath me. Dean swore by vintage muscle, but I was definitely more partial to a good quality sports car.

“What exactly is your plan?”

Elijah looked over the water as we passed over the bridge. “Marcel said that every vampire that exists today is an extension of our family. Each one is connected to us through blood. They may be the only allies we have that won’t turn on us once this wretched war with the witches is won.”

“So you’re going to teach them?” I couldn’t imagine Elijah, in his pristine suit, teaching a group of baby vamps with Marcel.

“We, Alessandra. We are going to teach them.”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

I could hear them arguing from down here. I sighed, closing the car door a little harder than necessary.

“We don't wanna run,” a woman said.

“I know, and I respect that. But, believe me, there's a big difference between wanting to fight and knowing how to win,” Marcel replied. True enough, but then theoretically knowing how to win, and actually being able to keep your head on in the middle of a battle was also very different.

“So, show us! You've kicked their ass before, I'm guessing you didn't do it alone.”

I followed Elijah up the stairs. I knew from the tilt of his head that he too was listening.

“Umm, yeah, not that I don't dig the whole Karate Kid vibe that we got going on here,” I recognised Josh’s voice. Good to know he was still alive. “But-- how are we supposed to learn to defend ourselves from an army of super-wolves in, like, one day?

The door to Marcels apartment came into sight and Elijah disappeared from my side. I heard the distinctive sound of two bodies dropping to the floor.

“Lesson one.” I could hear the smugness in his voice. “Always be on your guard.”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Marcel was speaking to Elijah in the corner while I waited for the two temporarily dead vampires to wake up. I crouched over one, turning his face towards me. young, barely an adult. Did he realise just how long eternity was going to be? Or that he would probably die some horrible, agonising way? Elijah’s charge, Gia, was watching me suspiciously. “So, you’re an Original, too?”

I nodded. “Yep.”

“But you’re not a Mikaelson?”

I shook my head. “Just a family friend.”

“What, you just got caught up in their family drama a thousand years ago?” She gave an awkward half-laugh.

“Something like that.” These god-damned vampires are still not waking up. 

“When was the last time you all fed? This is taking far longer than it should.” I saw Gia shrug out of the corner of her eye. “We’ve had to be careful, even over here. The wolves have been crossing the river. Someone got bit just last week a couple blocks over.”

“That’ll have to change. You can fight if you’re not at full strength. Is there a blood bank nearby?” Gia nodded and I stood.

Marcel and Elijah both turned as I approached, ending their conversation.

“They need blood. Apparently, there is a blood bank nearby. I’ll go get supplies and then return here. They’ll need strength to fight.”

Elijah nodded and I turned leaving.

“What’s up with her?” I heard Marcel asked.

I didn’t listen to Elijah’s reply.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

The blood bank was barely staffed. A single receptionist greeted me at the door. She was half asleep and a completed solitaire game reflected in her glasses from her computer screen. I was directed, but not escorted to the donation room. I merely ducked into the STAFF ONLY section and made my way to where the bags were stored.

I snagged a bag from a staff members desk, emptying the content onto the floor and then filling it. I sped out so the receptionist didn’t see me.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Elijah, Marcel and I watched as the vampires each tore into the blood bags, draining them and moving onto the next until all the bags were gone. They growled at each other, snatching bags from each other, snarls and growls filling the air.

“Enough!” Marcel roared the minute the last bag disappeared. “Look at yourself! You are out of control. You need to work together if we are win this. Help each other.”

The vampires looked at each other, some looking ashamed, some horrified. Welcome to the world of the shared feed.

“Everyone is to follow me and Tallie,” Marcel directed. “There’s an empty lot outback that we’ll use.”

Single file, calm and sated with the feed, the baby vamps made their way downstairs, tailed by Marcel, Elijah and I. Once outside, they formed a semi-circle each looking expectantly at us.

I stepped forwards.

“Who’s done any sort of fighting? Boxing, martial arts?”

A few men raised their hands confidently, grinning at each other.

I gestured for them to step forward and they did, all smiling smugly at me.

“I don’t want to hurt you, little lady,” one said.

I heard Marcel and Elijah step back behind me.

The other two vamps circled behind me. I watched the one in front of me; his eyes darted between the men behind me, then his right foot slid forward. I ducked a sloppy punch, spinning out and sending the other two crashing into each other.

In less than a second, I was ten metres away. “The wolves will not stand around and wait for you to attack! you need to move. Push off with everything you have. You are vampires. You will not tire. Do not half-ass your attack.”

And then the lesson began. Elijah gestured to Gia, and she followed him back inside for private training while Marcel and I took the rest of the group. They were sloppy and hasty in their attacks, Marcel and I easy dodged them.

“Again!” Marcel shouted.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

I smelt wolf before I saw Hayley and a man approach. I glanced

She nodded at me, but didn’t stop, leading the man upstairs. I left Marcel and walked off to the side, where I would be able to hear.

“We need to talk,” she said.

There was a slight scuffled, then Hayley said, “We're not here for a fight. Just hear him out.”

“Speak. I suggest you be succinct,” Elijah said, sounding tightly restrained.

“Please,” said the man. “I need your help.”

[anarcoqueer1994]

Trans Platonic Tarty Story part 6.

So this is most like my last part! Thank you everyone for reading and reblogging. Probably going to start a new Trans TJ story soon with less focus on the coming out parts.

This is a heavy Marty chapter with some Muffy moments. I hope you like it!

Also remember that you are valid whether you pass, don't pass, or don't want to. How you live your gender or lack there of is up to you. <3

Marty felt so stupid running off from his friends like that. He just doesn't know what else to do right now. He knows TJ isn't mad at him for not coming out. He knows that TJ is right about it being his choice to make about when or if he wants people to know he is trans. He understands this all objectively. But knowing something  doesn't necessarily change how you feel, and right now Marty feels like a coward. 

He ran off from the lunch table leaving his very confused friends to piece together what just happened. When he finally stopped running, he finds himself under the bleachers around the football field. He collapses onto the patchy grass under the metal seats above him. Usually running helps him feel better, at least for a bit, but not today. 

He had been doing so well, the past few months. He finally got out of that emotionally exhausting and abusive household where he couldn't be himself. He had formed a really great friendship with TJ. And most excitingly of all, he was finally dating the girl that has been invading his dreams every night for the past year and a half.  He should be the happiest he has ever been, but right now, in this moment, every negative thought that has ever crossed his mind about himself, is racing through his brain.

He feels so angry. He wants to blame someone else. Maybe it was his parents for fucking him up and causing all this internalized guilt for just being himself? Maybe he was mad at the few kids at school for being so hateful towards TJ for coming out, that made him terrified to do the same. Maybe he was mad at TJ for coming up with this stupid shirt idea in the first place? 

No. None of these were it. He was mad at himself for not being brave and he was mad that he lived in a world where you had to be brave to be open about being trans. He couldn't just be open with an expectation of no one having a problem because there was always going to be people who wouldn't be kind. It's really not fair. When you are born and the hospital assigns your gender, nobody questions it. But if you go against that assignment, it's a whole damn thing.

As he is mauling this over, only making himself more and more upset, he sees someone sit down beside him out of the corner of his eye. "Buffy, you didn't need to follow me."

"I mean, I kind of did. I don't know for sure but I am pretty sure it's part of the whole girlfriend job." She smiles, trying to lighten the mood. The boy sitting beside her, doesn't look. He anxiously messes with his shoe lace, while remaining silent.

"Marty, Kira is a mean, horrible person. Those things she said to TJ and Cyrus were inexcusable. But you didn't do anything wrong." She rests her hand on his knee.

"Well that doesn't change the fact that I stood there and did nothing, Buffy. You literally got in school suspension for standing up to Kira and I was a coward." He says, eyes not leaving the patch of ground below him.

"Marty…that's not true. You are not a cowa… "

"I don't need you to lie to me." He interrupts, coming off way angrier than attended.

She looks a little stunned at how harshly he talked to her but tries to brush it off. She knows he isn't really mad at her. She takes a deep breath. "I'm not lying to you, you aren't a coward. Its okay to protect yourself against toxic people like Kira. TJ and Cyrus know you care and they definitely don't blame you for not saying anything. It's your choice to come out on your terms."

He clutches a clump of grass and dirt. "Everyone keeps saying that to me, that it's my choice. Like it is that simple! But it's not. I feel like my head wants to do a 1000 different things at once. I don't want it to be some secret but it scares me to think of anyone besides our friends finding out. This would be so much better if I was born cis. If I didn't have to hide behind tight binders and loose shirts to be myself. " An angry tear forms in the corner of his eye. He quickly pushes his palm against it, pressing so hard he sees specs of color. "Jesus Christ."

Buffy opens her mouth to speak but is at a loss for words. She quickly closes it again. She doesn't know how to help him. He clears his throat. "I'm going to go."

"What about your afternoon classes?"

"What about them?" He says coldly before turning and walking away. Buffy, against every instinct she has to meddle, let's him walk away.

***********

Marty really doesn't know what his plan was, walking off from school like that. He knows his aunt won't be very happy about it when she finds out, but he didn't really care. He needed to be away from that school. He does regret how he treated Buffy though. She didn't deserve for him to treat her so coldly.

He walks for a while, careful to avoid main streets so he doesn't get caught. He doesn't know who he can talk to. The two people he usually turned to, he couldn't. He had blown off Buffy and TJ had his own shit to deal with right now. He thought about running, maybe take some things off his mind but that was too risky in the middle of the school day. So he decides to just go home...but not to his aunt's house.

He was headed to his parents house. He knew they both were at work right now so he would be alone. But also since they were at work, the house was locked. Luckily his old bedroom window was at the back of the house. So when he got there, all he had to do to get in was climb the tree and crawl in through the window.

When he stepped foot into his old room, it seemed unrecognizable. His parents quickly erased all remnants of ever having a child. The blue walls had been painted a deep burgundy. There were 2 black leather recliners in the corners of the rooms with a large smart TV screen against the opposite walls. There were some other miscellaneous things placed in the room, DVDs, some shelves with tons of books, etc. His parents had basically erased the child they were ashamed of with a room full of stuff that will always be more important to them.

With books, and movies, and TV shows, they could choose what they wanted to see. It was in their control. But with Marty, they couldn't control him and force him to be something he was not forever. He was always just going to be an inconvenient thorn in their side.

 He suddenly regrets coming here. He doesn't quite understand what he wanted to accomplish. Maybe he was hoping that his bedroom wouldn't of been changed. That they maybe kept it the way he left it because they missed and hoped he came back. He wanted some proof that his parents loved him. But all they did was ignore the fact that they ever had a child. 

He feels so angry, and hurt and even worse than he felt at school. He doesn't even know how it happened, but he finds himself walk the room, when he stops at a small framed picture on the side table next to one of the chairs. It is a picture of his mom and dad, but it looks familiar. He takes the backing off the frame and pulls the picture out. His heart drops into his stomach when he realizes that the picture had been folded to cut him off. It had been their family picture from the year before where his mom had forced him to where something "more feminine." 

He hated the picture because he didn't look or feel like himself in it. But it hurts more to know that now, his parents were just hiding him and existence.  He puts the picture back the way he found it. In his head he knew he should just leave but apparently his body did not want to listen.

Without thinking, he picked the picture back up and chucked it across the room where it hit the TV, busting it before the picture fell to the ground, glass from the frame shattering. Once he got started, he couldn't stop, he let his anger take hold of him. He knocked over books and movies, and broke the nearby lamp in the process. He trashed the room.

Then he was left standing in the middle of the chaos he created. The floor littered with the objects his own parents valued over him. He took it all in. He hoped this would make him feel better but it didn't. It just served as a reminder that the people that created him, saw this trash that surrounded him as worth more than him. That he was less than trash. 

Well he wasn't about to let them ignore him any more. They could hate him but couldn't just stamp him out. With what he had done, they couldn't just push him to the back burner. He grabs a sharpie that has ended up on the floor and in big black letters across the wall he wrote "DO YOU SEE ME NOW?" and with that, he climbed out the window and headed far away from that house.

**************

It was a few more hours until he finally headed back to his aunt's house. While he was out his phone died. He walks in to find her waiting at the kitchen table. She looks concerned.

"Marty?" She whispers. 

He turns to her with blood shot eyes. He had been crying on and off since he left his old home. His voice cracks. "What?"

"I've gotten some interesting phone calls today." Her face looks apprehensive. Her voice is soft and caring. He can tell that she isn't mad at him as much as she was concerned. "Why did you leave school? Why did you go your parent's house? Your mom called."

He looks away. He takes a sharp, pained, breath. He tries to choke something out, but his words get stuck in his throat. He felt terrible for putting his aunt in this situation. He wishes this didn't affect her but it does.

If she is upset about that fact, she doesn't show it. She can see how hurt her nephew is and that is the only thing she cares about. She gets up without a word and wraps her arms around him, pulling him into a tight hug. He sniffled lightly again her shoulder. She doesn't say a thing, just gives him her unconditional love.

After standing there for a while, he quietly whispered, "I'm sorry…I'm sorry for causing any problems for you with my parents…"

"Baby, it's okay. I got it handle, okay?" Unknown to him, when his mom threatened to press charges on the phone, his aunt reminded her she could take her to court for child abandonment and child support.

"Okay. And um...thank you." He says timidly. 

"For what?" She smiles

"For caring about me…" He says as he steps to walk away. He doesn't really want to talk more now. "Hey...um...can we talk later? I kind of wanna lay down." He asks.

"Yea, of course." She says as he walks up to his room and shuts his door. He collapses on his bed and tries to clear his mind. It is not working out that well.

After more of an hour of silence, he hears a knock on his door. It pulls him out of his head. He yells to whoever is outside the door. "Yeah?" 

"Marty, it's me."

He scrunches his eyebrows in confusion. "Buffy? What are you doing here?"

"Your aunt let me in. Can I open your door?" Her voice sounds like she is trying to be positive but it is tinged with worry.

He clears his throat, "Yeah, come in."

"Hey." Buffy says as she pushes the door open enough for her to come in before closing it behind her. She steps closer to the edge of his bed. "Can I sit?"

"Um sure, look Buffy, I'm sorry." He starts as she sits on his bed, half facing him. "I'm sorry that I just left earlier. I shouldn't have just ran away. I was kind of a jerk to you too."

"Yeah you were." She jokes. "But that's not why I'm here." Her voice gets more destressed. "Marty, you really had me worried. You ran off and weren't answering your calls."

"I'm...sorry." He exhales into an annoyed sigh but it wasn't aimed at Buffy. It was aimed at himself. "My phone died."

Buffy reaches forward and grabs Marty hand. "It's okay, I just care about you a lot."

Marty tries to joke. He puts on a half smile and says "Watch it, Driscoll, you getting soft on me?" 

She chuckles back. Keeping her voice low, she implored, "So, what did you do?"

He quickly looks away while rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. "Something stupid…" He confesses.

"You wouldn't be the first person to do something stupid today. I got myself in school suspension...with Kira" She says in disgust.

"I broke into my parents house?" He continues to not look at her.

'Marty...why? What if you would of got caught?" Her eyebrows are raised in a mixture of confusion and surprise.

He finally meets her eye. "Yeah, I didn't think that far. But they weren't home so they didn't see me."

"Oh good so they don't know you were there?" 

He lets out a dry laugh. "Oh no, they definitely know I was there."

"What...did...you...do?" Emphasizing each word with a pause.

He places his other hand over Buffy's so that her hand is sandwiched between his. "It just happened, Buff." His voice sounded weak and defeated. "I went into my room to see if it changed. And it definitely did. They got rid of anything I didn't take with me. They made it a home theater. They purposely  blotched out any reminder that I ever occupied space in their lives. They even cut me out a stupid family picture." His breath sounded more labored now like he was trying to keep himself together and force himself not to cry.

"Marty, I'm so, so sorry…" She says, kicking off her shoes, so she could scoot closer onto the bed. She removes her hand from his, just for it to reappear on his shoulder a few moments, arm pulling him tight.

"I just wanted to believe that my parents really did love and we would someday get past this. But I don't think we ever will…and when I saw all that stuff, I was so angry. So I wrecked the room. I don't even know why. But part of me hoped that at least I could get some reaction off of them. Something so I could pretend that they care. But they don't."

"Well they didn't deserve to have a son as funny, and athletic, and...sweet…" She smiles into the word  "...as you. I mean that, okay? Your parents made their choice, and now they will never get to see all the great things you are going to do."

He can't help but smile at her words. He really is lucky to have the people who chose to stay in his life. "Hey, guess what?" His mood is notably lighter. 

"What?"

"One good thing came out of today. I realize I have a lot bigger problems than some terrible kids at school. At the end of the day, they are just other kids. It's nowhere near as bad as full grown adults hating you for just existing, especially when they are your parents. So…" he trails off.

"So what?" She urges for him to finish.

"So I'm going to come out tomorrow. I know some kids are going to be assholes  but Like you said…They made their choice. And I am making mine."

"Marty, are you sure?" She asks, to verify if that is what he really wants.

"Yeah. I'm tired of so much of my life being dictated by fear. I don't have to worry about people finding out if they already know. Even if it is terrible, I know my girlfriend and my friends have my back." His voice changes to a more silly competitive tone, "Plus TJ is already beating me on this coming out thing, so I really gotta step up my game." He cracks a goofy grin.

Buffy laughs before resting her head on his shoulder. "You are really full of surprises, Marty…"

"What can I say? I am." He holds onto her too.

***********

The next morning, Buffy meets Marty at his house so they can walk to school together. As they get closer to the school, Buffy asks "Are you ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever be." He admits.

"What's your plan?"

"I think I'm just going to wing it?"

"Which means?" She asks as they climb the steps leading into the school. 

"Not sure." He answers before opening the door to the crowded, busy hallway. They spot their friends in the hallway. TJ is still glued to Cyrus' side more than usual but he looks like he looks happier today. When Jonah, Andi, Cyrus, and TJ notice Buffy and Marty, they immediately smile over to them.

He can't help but feel great in that moment. He had friends who really cared about him even after he accidentally outed himself to them yesterday. Buffy has his hand in hers as they walk closer. A few feet from them though, he stops, drops Buffy's hand and turns to face the hallway, packed with students. He clears his throat loudly before speaking over everyone in there. "Hey excuse me?"

Andi walks close to Buffy and whispers "What is he doing?"

"I think he's winging it?" She says back equally as quiet. Her attention turns back to Marty as he continues.

"I just want everyone in here to know that I'm trans. I'm trans guy. And no I don't want any weird questions. Google it."

Moments later, a few chuckles leave the now quiet hallway. But when Buffy moves forward and stands next to him, the laughs go quiet. Most likely because they saw what she did to Kira. 

"So no one has a problem,right?" He finishes, looking around, trying to hide his overwhelming sense of anxiety. But before long, the hallway chatter starts back up seemingly not fazed by the revelation. He feels better at the lack of reaction. 

The rest of his friends step closer. TJ goes and stands in front of him. "That was sudden."

"Well a lot of things came into perspective last night." Marty smiles.

"So...l I guess we are doing this coming out thing together?" TJ's voice is full of relief but will never admit to it if you ask him. He is just happy to be going  through this with his best friend.

"I guess so, man." He lets out an airy laugh through his nose.

"And you have all of us, too." Buffy says, taking her boyfriend's hand, with Cyrus nodding and doing the same to TJ. Andi and Jonah also smile in agreement.Marty realizes that in this moment,  it can really only get better from here.

Tag List: @abg-blah @kippens-a-goodman @purplefacey @thefaeriemagic3 @tyrus-is-everything

[beaubatns]

–––– song prompts

here is a list of twenty-five of my favourite songs that i think can turn into exciting stories or plot lines. please tag me if you do any of this, because i would like to see your take on the these songs! there are two ways that you can do this; you can simply base your story off the whole song, or just the snippet of the lyrics that i put in this post. have fun!

edit: i put the jonas brothers’ lyric on sam smith’s leave your lover, but it is now corrected!

while we’re young by jhene aiko

–––– baby, while we’re young, i think we should do something crazy. like say ‘fuck everyone’ and just run away from the daily routine. i’m telling everybody you’re mine and i like it, and i really hope you don’t mind, i can’t fight it. you know i cannot hide it ‘cause i am so excited that i finally decided on you. ‘cause it’s been another perfect day with you, wanna lay with you, spend the night with you, then spend my life with you, alright. baby while we're young we should just have fun; we should just do whatever we want and tell everyone that we fell in love with each other, that we found the one in one another.

like a star by corinne bailey rae

–––– just like a star across my sky, just like an angel off the page, you have appeared to my life, feel like i'll never be the same. just like a song in my heart, just like oil on my hands, oh, i do love you. still, wonder why it is; i don't argue like this with anyone but you. we do it all the time, blowing out my mind.

capital letters by hailee steinfeld

–––– but then there was you, yeah, then there was you, pull me out of the crowd, you were telling the truth. i got something to say now, ‘cause you tell me that there's no way i couldn't go, nothing i couldn't do. i want to get louder, i got to get louder. we 'bout to go up baby, up we go, we 'bout to go up baby, up we go. we're blowing out speakers, our heart a little clearer. we 'bout to go up baby, up we go, we 'bout to go up baby, up we go. for worse or for better, gonna give it to you in capital letters.

all the way by frank sinatra

–––– when somebody loves you, it's no good unless he loves you, all the way. happy to be near you when you need someone to cheer you, all the way. taller than the tallest tree is, that's how it's got to feel. deeper than the deep blue see is, that's how deep it goes, if it's real.

the way you look tonight by frank sinatra

–––– some day, when i'm awfully low, when the world is cold; i will feel a glow just thinking of you and the way you look tonight. yes, you're lovely, with your smile so warm and your cheeks so soft; there is nothing for me but to love you and the way you look tonight.

easy by mac ayres

–––– feeling like i'm runnin' away. never had the chance, chance to say: i can say that loving you is easy, i don't need to prove a single thing. somewhere along the way i guess you got under my skin. i put all my cards out on the table, you ain't ever gonna show your hand. iwould rather hold you close than try to understand.

day 1 by honne

–––– you'll always be my day one, day zero when i was no one. i’m nothing by myself, you and no one else; thankful you're my day one. i got lucky finding you, i won big the day that i came across you. ‘cause when you're with me, i don't feel blue. not a day goes by that i would not redo. everybody wants to love, it's easy when you try hard enough.

so close by jon mclaughlin (enchanted soundtrack)

–––– you're in my arms and all the world is calm; the music playing on for only two. so close together and when i'm with you, so close to feeling alive. so close to reaching that famous happy end. almost believing this one's not pretend. and now you're beside me, and look how far we've come. so far we are, so close.

i like me better by lauv

–––– to be young and in love in new york city. to not know who i am but still know that i'm good long as you're here with me. to be drunk and in love in new york city; midnight into morning coffee, burning through the hours talking. damn, i like me better when i'm with you. i knew from the first time, i'd stay for a long time 'cause i like me better when i'm with you.

paris in the rain by lauv

–––– all i know is, we could go anywhere, we could do anything, girl, whatever the mood we're in. yeah all I know is getting lost late at night, under stars, finding love standing right where we are, your lips, they pull me in the moment; you and i alone and people may be watching, i don't mind 'cause anywhere with you feels right, anywhere with you feels like paris in the rain. we don't need a fancy town or bottles that we can't pronounce, ‘cause anywhere, babe, is like paris in the rain when i'm with you.

tightrope by michelle williams (the greatest showman soundtrack)

–––– some people long for a life that is simple and planned, tied with a ribbon. some people won't sail the sea 'cause they're safer on land to follow what's written; but i'd follow you to the great unknown, off to a world we call our own. hand in my hand and we promised to never let go, we're walking the tightrope; high in the sky, we can see the whole world down below, we're walking the tightrope. never sure, never know how far we could fall. but it's all an adventure that comes with a breathtaking view: walking the tightrope with you.

rewrite the stars by zac efron and zendaya (the greatest showman soundtrack)

–––– you know i want you, it's not a secret i try to hide. i know you want me, so don't keep saying our hands are tied. you claim it's not in the cards; that fate is pulling you miles away and out of reach from me. but you're here in my heart, so who can stop me if I decide that you're my destiny? what if we rewrite the stars? say you were made to be mine. nothing could keep us apart, you'd be the one i was meant to find. it's up to you, and it's up to me, no one can say what we get to be. so why don't we rewrite the stars? maybe the world could be ours tonight.

when you look me in the eyes by jonas brothers

–––– if the heart is always searching, can you ever find a home? i’ve been looking for that someone, i'll never make it on my own. dreams can't take the place of loving you. there's gotta be a million reasons why it's true. when you look me in the eyes and tell me that you love me, everything's alright, when you're right here by my side. when you look me in the eyes, i catch a glimpse of heaven. i find my paradise when you look me in the eyes.

can i be him by james arthur

–––– you walked into the room and now my heart has been stolen. you took me back in time to when i was unbroken. now you're all i want and i knew it from the very first moment, 'cause a light came on when i heard that song and i want you to sing it again. i swear that every word you sing, you wrote them for me, like it was a private show, i know you never saw me. when the lights come on and i'm on my own, will you be there to sing it again? could i be the one you talk about in all your stories. can I be him?

so this is love by irene woods and mike douglas (cinderella soundtrack)

–––– so this is love, so this is love. so this is what makes life divine. i’m all aglow, and now i know, the key to all heaven is mine. my heart has wings and i can fly; i’ll touch every star in the sky. so this is the miracle that i’ve been dreaming of. so this is love.

right here, right now by zac efron and vanessa hudgens (high school musical soundtrack)

–––– can you imagine what would happen if we could have any dream? i’d wish this moment was ours to own it and that it would never leave. then i would thank that star that made our wish come true, ‘cause he knows that where you are is where i should be too. right here, right now, i'm looking at you and my heart loves the view, ‘cause you mean everything. right here, i'll promise you, somehow, that tomorrow can wait for some other day to be. but right now, there’s you and me.

the last time by eric benet

–––– the first time i fell in love was long ago. i didn't know how to give my love at all. the next time i settled for what felt so close; but without romance, you're never gonna fall. after everything i've learned, now it's finally my turn. this is the last time i'll fall, in love.

a love that will last by renee olstead (the princess diaries 2 soundtrack)

–––– i want a little something more. don't want the middle or the one before. i don't desire a complicated past. i want a love that will last. say that you love me, say I'm the one; don't kiss and hug me and then try to run. i don't do drama, my tears don't fall fast. i want a love that will last. i don't want a just a memory, give me forever. don't even think about saying goodbye 'cause i want just one love to be enough and remain in my heart till i die.

1000 years by kt tunstall and bleu (tinker bell and the neverbeast soundtrack)

–––– a thousand years is a long long time, even for a star up in the sky. i could count the tears and the long long nights, but i'd rather just remember how you smile. in a thousand years, i know that our love will still be here. so close your eyes, my dear, knowing that our love is going to last one thousand years.

can’t sleep love by pentatonix

–––– tell me, am i going crazy? tell me have i lost my mind? am i just afraid of loving, or am i not the loving kind? kissing in the moonlight, movies on a late night, getting old. i've been there, done that; supposed to be hot, but it's just cold. somebody wake up my heart, light me up, set fire to my soul. 'cause i can't do it anymore. give me that can’t sleep love. i want that can't sleep love; the kind i dream about all day, the kind that keeps me up all night. give me that can't sleep love.

once upon a dream by mary costa and bill shirley (sleeping beauty soundtrack)

–––– i know you, i walked with you once upon a dream. i know you, the gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam. yet i know it’s true that visions are seldom all they seem, but if i know you, i know what you’ll do. you’ll love me at once, the way you did once upon a dream.

leave your lover by sam smith

–––– i don't have much to give, but i don't care for gold. what use is money, when you need someone to hold? don't have direction, i'm just rolling down this road, waiting for you to bring me in from out the cold. you'll never know the endless nights, the rhyming of the rain or how it feels to fall behind and watch you call his name. pack up and leave everything, don't you see what i can bring? can't keep this beating heart at bay. set my midnight sorrow free, i will give you all of me. just leave your lover, leave him for me.

get here by oleta adams

–––– you can reach me by railway, you can reach me by trailway. you can reach me on an airplane, you can reach me with your mind. you can reach me by caravan, cross the desert like an arab man. i don't care how you get here, just get here if you can. you can reach me by sailboat, climb a tree and swing rope to rope. take a sled and slide down the slope, into these arms of mine. you can jump on a speedy colt, cross the border in a blaze of hope. i don't care how you get here, just get here if you can. there are hills and mountains between us; always something to get over. if i had my way, surely you would be closer. i need you closer.

[mayphoenix]

...with Long Intervals Of Horrible Sanity turned 9 today! Wow -- nine years! Where has the time gone? I should give an update. My life has taken on great changes. I am still living in the same apartment, still going through the same battles with housing and food assistance (they cut the latter and I’m getting $100/mo to buy groceries). My eldest cat has renal failure and pancreatitis and I have no idea how much longer he will be with me, so I am cherishing every day. Not to be outdone, two other cats decided they needed to have costly trips to the vet, one with a middle ear infection brought on by food allergy, which I’m now treating at home, and another who had to have all but four of her teeth extracted. I had to put my ghostwriting on hold for fear of losing rent assistance -- back in 2017, I was told it didn’t count as “regular” income, but then in 2018 I got a new caseworker who said all income counts, but now I’m back to the previous caseworker and she refuses to return my calls or answer my emails, and calling the main number is useless because it routes directly to a voicemail box that’s always full.  Back in November 2017, I received Kona, a 2002 Subaru Impreza Sport from a friend who could no longer drive (medically). She knew I needed a car, so she just gave it to me. Original owner, she had put 38K miles on this vehicle. Mechanics everywhere have said, “That car will outlive you!” Yeah, well...unfortunately, this particular make/model/year of Subaru comes with what one website calls The Dreaded Head Gasket Problem. It is inevitable, and last winter I noticed a lot of odd-smelling exhaust coming from Kona that smelled of burning coolant. I had the radiator and thermostat replaced, and was told there was a leak somewhere. A few months ago, another mechanic found this tiny leak. I am told I can still drive as long as I watch the coolant level and temp gauge, and what to do if she overheats. Meanwhile, the Check Engine light is on because the O2 sensor has gone out, and now there is a squealing sound which I know means a bad belt somewhere. And the brakes are getting soft, too. I was quoted over $1800 for the head gasket repair and O2 sensor which entails taking out the engine, fixing it, and putting it back in. I’ve already had to replace two tires (and on an AWD, you have to have all tires matching -- come to find out, they have discontinued this tire so I got two of the last new ones in existence). This “free” car has already required over $1000 in work. And it’s all I’ve got so I have to do what I can to make sure she keeps going. Now, I don’t know if I’ve talked about this, before, but I do have a spiritual side to me. It’s not conventional by any means. I don’t subscribe to any one religion. But I always knew I was a natural healer (laying on of hands, energy work) and came from a long line of witches (going back to my Pictish ancestors and Native American roots; my great-great-grandfather was a medicine man). I used to do this for as long as I can remember, drawn to people in pain and using something inside me to take it away and make them better. I never knew there was a name for it, until one day someone saw me working on a friend’s migraine and asked, “Where did you learn Reiki?” My reply was, “What’s ‘Reiki?’” I had a very dark period in my life about 15 years or so ago where I shut down, though, withdrew into myself, because I was so depressed and suffering from undiagnosed PTSD and anxiety/panic disorder. I was so afraid I would pass my sickness on to someone else, so I stopped healing. Following the end of my marriage in 2010 and being on my own for the first time in my life, I went through several surgeries and was put on different medications for various ailments, some of which nearly killed me. I also had a few TIAs (mini-strokes). The only thing keeping me from ending my life was knowing my cats needed me around to care for them. Also, I found out my mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s but then six months later during a follow-up, the doctors at U of M Ann Arbor said, “It’s not Alzheimer’s, we don’t know what it is.” (Note: based on her behavior, it may be Vascular Dementia but that can’t be diagnosed until after death -- so for now, we just know it’s dementia.) And then right before Christmas 2017, I got fed up with the repeating cycle of being used and abused by my sister, prompting me to cut ties with her, and my eldest niece told me to go fuck myself, leaving me pretty much on my own. Well, Life has a way of making things fall into place whether you like it or not. After all the shit I was going through with the TIAs and getting my cholesterol under control (I’ve put myself on a low-carb diet), my chiropractor told me out of the blue, “You should go into Reiki.” Damn, there’s that word, again... He said there was a guy named Adam, a massage therapist and Reiki Master, who rented space from him twice a week; I should talk to him. Well, Adam was never in when I would go for my appointments. One day, my friend Keith who volunteers at the local Gilda’s Club said I should look into their free workshops for yoga, meditation, and tai chi. I figured this might be good to help with my stress levels, at the very least, so I checked their calendar -- and there was someone offering free Reiki at the end of the month. I went in and immediately felt something happen, just being in the room with this woman. It was like being inside a Tesla coil. I began telling her things -- about her, like her childhood, etc, that she confirmed. And I began to cry. Not out of sadness but release. She said when I walked into the room I had an entourage of spirits with me -- guides, angels, light beings -- more than she’d ever seen, before. She got me on the table and while she never once actually touched me, I could feel pain, like she was physically pulling on me. What she was doing was pulling things out of me. She found his large cord attached at my solar plexus chakra and said, “You are attached to past trauma.” Oh, yes...yes, indeed. I told her to cut the cord and I felt it. It made me cry out, it hurt so much, but then afterward...I felt different. Something had changed.  A week or so later, I went to my next chiropractic appointment, and when I stepped out of the exam room, I turned and saw this young man standing in the hall, looking right at me. I just stopped and said, “You’re Adam.” He said yes. “You’re a Reiki Master.” He said yes. “We need to talk,” I said. And he showed me into his room, where we spent an hour talking. I noticed he seemed nervous. He said, “I’m always nervous in the presence of a great healer.” Who, me? He said he could ‘feel’ my energy. He then recommended I go to Jodi, the Reiki Master who taught him. I found her place of business online and saw that they did monthly “Open Reiki Shares” where people just get together and work on each other in a group, for free. One of these sessions was coming up. I decided to go and see what it was about. What happened that day...it was incredible. Not only was I healing but I was tapping into the minds of these other people, seeing what they were seeing. Then they got me on the table and the Master seated at my head began to shake. She said, “You’re not an Old Soul -- you’re ancient, and you come from a place across the universe.” Well, I already knew that...but no one else had ever acknowledged it, until that moment. Someone picked up on the fact that I’m a writer, and then another Master said, “She is a Storyteller, and she is going to help others with her words.” Cryptic! They also said they saw a mass of spirits around me, and one of them said that there was a guide who had yet to reveal itself to me but would do so soon. I signed up that day to take Jodi’s Reiki I & II course. When the time came, I found myself learning things I already knew, things I already did, and I understood after all these years why people thought I knew Reiki -- because I had been doing it, all along. Even my chiropractor, who is an empath and a healer, sensed it in me. During the attunement, as I had my eyes closed, I “saw” a dragon look down over my head at me while Jodi was behind me. I had been told she had a Dragon guide, so I figured that was him. I even looked up and said, “Hello!” I cannot begin to describe how it felt to be attuned, and how I have felt ever since. I called my friend Seth, a massage therapist and a powerful healer in her own right who is studying shamanism, and she said it sounded like I was tripping. I was seeing everything in such sharp focus, hearing things, aware on so many levels. Jodi had asked me if I experienced anything during the attunement and I mentioned seeing her dragon. She just grinned and said no, he was my Dragon. Now, please note: in the late 90′s, I attended a drumming circle class where we all went on an inner journey to meet different spirit guides, and the one that appeared to me was a Phoenix. Back then, I figured he represented that part of me that was always getting burned up and somehow rising from the ashes. I even got a tattoo of the bird on my back. Well, now I have a Phoenix and a Dragon -- in Chinese, these are the balance of Yin and Yang. Coincidentally, my first tattoo was a yin-yang, and one of the first rings I ever bought was a yin-yang with the OM symbol on either side. It would also explain why, after being attuned, I had a sudden craving for Chinese food... I have since learned the purpose of these guides. The Phoenix is used in long-distance healing when I send Reiki out to others, and the Dragon protects me while I do my work. He will also “encase” me or other people in eggs of protection. The Phoenix takes his duties very seriously, while the Dragon...is a bit of a diva. He’s also a shape-shifter because I’ve seen him in full reptilian form and in human form with wings. I have many other animal totems but these two are connected to my healing abilities and now that I’ve come back to that aspect of who I am, I find that they represent the dual sides of me -- Two-Spirit. The Phoenix is still me as I reinvent myself, refusing to be destroyed. I used to be so timid and when I screamed in anger I sounded like a wounded animal; now when I’m angry, my Dragon roars through me, refusing to take shit from anyone.  Life has changed for me so much since this all happened. We are in a time of Awakening and Transition, and I’m seeing it all around me even as I, myself, am going through it. I have people asking for my help -- “Please send me Reiki!” from all over. And I do. I’ve been using it on my cats. I’ve used it on myself. It’s incredible. I have been changing the vibration in my home, making it brighter, more colorful, inspirational. I have been finding old jewelry and wearing it (that’s the Dragon, show-off that he is with his bling!). I have been pushing myself out of my comfort zone and spending more time at Gilda’s, where I hope to offer free Reiki once a month to those who need it. I am also hoping to get a portable massage table so I can do Reiki housecalls. I’ve even joined a local group of professional writers that gets together once a month. I have started to wean off of one of my medications (Klonopin) which has been rough but I knew I had to stop when I began to notice an occurrence of bad side effects and found that it could do a lot of long-term damage to other parts of my body. I am doing meditation, now, which helps.  I am also preparing to set up a Patreon in order to fund my writing so I can get my first novel out -- somewhat autobiographical, it has been years in the works and deals with surviving narcissists and finding one’s path in life, it’s called The Dragon in the Garden. (I came up with the title ages ago; little did I know...) I have a sequel plotted, and then another book set in New Orleans with different characters. All of these are mine, not ghostwritten, but I can’t use my own name because two other authors have published under variations, so I’ve come up with something else that will serve.  Bit by bit, things are falling into place. But you know the most important part of all of this? I am not stressing out, anymore. I have decided to live in the moment, and see anything ahead of me is positive. Yes, I am concerned about the state of the planet, about the children in concentration camps, about the madman running the country...I am aware. My head is not in the sand nor in the stars. I remain a realist. But I can do that and focus my energy on making things happen for the better. I am being the change I wish to see in the world. I am putting out what I want to receive; instead of calling negativity to me, I am sending out positive energy. I cannot deny the results, the changes that have happened since I started to do this. It’s good. Very good. Recently, I volunteered to make a journey to Mississippi, driving a rental car down to the Gulf of Mexico and back in three days (18 hours driving down, 21 hours driving back), to rescue some kittens that were about to be abandoned and bring them to a local foster group. I saw this as an opportunity to do a Medicine Walk/Spirit Journey. I saw so many signs along the way, received messages, and learned things about myself. I had my eyes opened to people around me, those who would deceive and manipulate. And I had a lot of time to think. I discovered new levels of forgiveness within me, and how to release what is no longer of use or importance. It makes things so much better, so much simpler. I have wasted too many years worrying about stuff and nonsense. 

Oh, I still have limitations -- physical and mental. As my Reiki Masters have all told me, every healer is damaged in some way. I envision myself as a work of kintsugi, the Japanese art of putting broken pottery back together with gold. I am not perfect and never will claim to be. But I know that I am One with the Divine, Source, Creator Energy, God/Goddess/All That Is. I am on the right path -- and maybe I always was. I just had to go through some dark and scary places along the way in order to be where I am, now.  Namaste!

[wirewitchviolet]

I’d like to talk about Graham for a little bit.

About a month and a half ago, this thing just sort of spontaneously happened that was on the order of the old Jerry Lewis telethons, raising an absolutely jaw-dropping amount of money for an organization called Mermaids, which is great and absolutely deserves to have it. I should clarify before anything further too that I’m using “spontaneously happened” here only to mean absolutely nobody involved had any possible idea that it was going to become the huge thing it became, not that it didn’t do so because of a lot of really impressive work, mainly from Casey Explosion and Dan Olson who both ended up playing producer as guests started hopping in and did phenomenal jobs they can’t get enough credit for.

I am, of course, quite thrilled to see how well that went, particularly since just something like a week prior I’d independently tried to start a charity drive for Mermaids which was... decidedly unsuccessful. And I came oddly close to getting properly involved in this one, because around the time it was at the $1000 mark, “guests” were mainly just people I’m personally friends with and haven’t talked to in a while, I was talking about joining in, but the timing of me getting hold of a microphone and a quiet room and guest coordination shook out weird and I lost my place in line to like, Chelsea Manning and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, who I will freely admit were bigger donation draws than me talking to old friends and sharing info about trans charities and transphobic groups trying to undermine them would have been.

One thing I’d have liked to have brought up is the other thing that made the whole event a bit bittersweet, personally. The whole thing was explicitly advertised as existing purely to spite one Graham Linehan, who rather infamously had spearheaded an initiative to undermine funding for Mermaids because these days he is a cartoon villain and defunding a children’s charity was the sort of thing he’s all about now. And I’m saying “now” and “these days” because I have kind of a weird history with Graham. Once upon a time, he was my biggest fan.

No, really. If you don’t believe me, go do a quick twitter search for him mentioning me. It’s a bit surreal to look back on. It was weird to live through at the time too. He started following me at a point where I had something like 10 other twitter followers, and was just super super pumped about literally everything I was writing about, you know, the rise of this group of transphobic fascists weaponizing twitter mobs. I’d start writing something and he’d just pop up in my DMs. Which... OK now it’s weird because I’m the last person the arguable king of all transphobes should be following, but at the time it was also weird because he hadn’t gotten into that and was this famous TV writer.

So first of all, it just sends a chill down my spine any time I see him talking about having trans friends who like him just fine and wondering if he’s still trying to count me there. Because I mean, the last time I actually talked to him it was pretty damn civil. Mainly because I was trying to make a calm rational case explaining that he’d just linked horrifyingly bigoted propaganda out, but I could see him grasping for that straw.

Those prior interactions color the whole thing for me in a really tragic light though. Usually, when you see someone who did a thing you enjoy(ed) tear their face off and reveal a disgusting monster, you get to go “ugh, I can’t believe I never picked up on what a creep this person was the whole time!” but... I personally don’t have that luxury here. At the point I knew him, I can actually say he was a decent, caring guy, willing to stick his neck out in a big big way for worthy causes. He promoted the hell out of everything I wrote for a while, and elevated the voices of a ton of other trans women and other marginalized people under attack from nazis. He really went all in with a pretty big media platform against that crap at a time where it wasn’t especially popular or safe to do so, and he campaigned about as hard as was humanly possible to repeal Ireland’s abortion ban, sharing some really horrifying personal stories which I’d probably still dig out when trying to argue the subject if it wouldn’t be giving oxygen to such a huge bigot. And for whatever it’s worth, that infamous I.T. Crowd episode? Some 6 years after the fact he really was self-conscious about that still, and just sort of... approaching every trans woman he knew one by one to try to explain where he was coming from with it. Which of course is not at all the same thing as apologizing for it, but presumably had he stayed that course, he’d have maybe grabbed some sensitivity readers before the next such bit went to air.

So yeah. My honest assessment of where he was at in late 2014 through early 2015 there is... well-intentioned guy with some blind spots legitimately trying to be a better person and work towards some general trans allyship...

... and then he just suddenly pulled this complete 180, and it’s one of the most chilling things I’ve ever seen. From my perspective, it was like being in a zombie movie where someone gets bit. First they’re fine, then you see a big ol’ red flag (I don’t recall whether the first such was him going to bat for the serial abuser creep we just finally kicked out of tabletop or him linking a post on freaking 4th wave now), and you have this little window of maybe we can cut off the infection before it spreads, and that fails and suddenly you’ve just got this shambling monster wearing the face of a former ally in the fight against them. I suppose a more grounded metaphor would be like comparing it to someone you know joining a cult. every value they had is suddenly gone and they’re just removing themselves from all their old circles to hang out exclusively with these dangerous creeps.

I can’t stress enough that this isn’t me saying “there’s still good in him.” Dude’s out there getting the police showing up at his door because he won’t stop harassing random women and literally organizing letter-writing campaigns to cut the funding to a charity that keeps marginalized children from killing themselves. That is way too far over the cliff to entertain any notion of someone ever crawling back. No my point in all this that moral consistency isn’t anywhere near as solid as people like to tell themselves it is. People can go from vehement anti-fascism to full on fascist over a single conversation with the right recruiter on the right day and there’s really nothing you can do about it but hope you recognize it before your denial starts to amplify the damage.

At least I sure as hell hope there’s nothing else you can do about it because again, this guy was literally my biggest fan before he suddenly flipped, and I don’t want to have to second guess myself about what part of me saying “fascism is bad and trans people don’t deserve this sort of harassment” was sufficiently unclear that a guy hanging on my every word for like a year could get all backwards.

This really isn’t a story with a feel-good moral at the end. I mean, the best spin I can put on it is, moral compasses can break, so be sure to pull yours out regularly and double check that it’s still pointing north, don’t just follow the person ahead of you and assume theirs is working? Make sure you’re familiar with a definition of fascism that doesn’t rely on what costumes someone’s wearing? Bear in mind that the oppressed minority turning out to be the real bullies is just not a thing that happens? Just... don’t ever be like Graham here.

[gaycodependency]

 are we alright? | listen here 

(before facemash to after the depositions); the beginning and the ongoing possibilities, with the unpredictable in-betweens.

tracks + lyrics i think relate to them (eduardo, mark, or both).

1. ribs - lorde.

..we can talk it so good, we can make it so divine, we can talk it good, how you wish it would be all the time.. this dream isn’t feeling sweet, we’re reeling through the midnight streets, and i’ve never felt more alone, it feels so scary getting old.. you’re the only friend i need, sharing beds like little kids, and laughing till our ribs get tough but that will never be enough.

2. start a riot - BANNERS.

i will march down an empty street like a ship into the storm. no surrender, no retreat. i will tear down every wall just to keep you warm, just to bring you home.. i will keep you safe and sound when there’s no one left to trust. will you take my hand? we can make our stand. if your world falls apart, i’d start a riot. if night falls in your heart, i’ll light the fire.. we’ll find each other’s arms. for your love, all you are, i’d start a riot..

3. i found - amber run.

i’ll use you as a warning sign, that if you talk enough sense then you’ll lose your mind. and i’ll use you as a focal point so i don’t lose sight of what i want. and i moved further than i thought i could, but i missed you more than i thought i would. and i’ll use you as a warning sign, that if you talk enough sense than you’ll lose your mind. and i found love where it wasn’t suppose to be, right in front of me..

4. 1000 times - hamilton leithauser + rostam.

i had a dream that you were mine, i’ve had that dream a thousand times.. i left my room on the west side, i walked from noon until the night. i changed my crowd, i ditched my tie. i watched the sparks fly off the fire.. my eyes were red, the streets were bright. those ancient years were black and white. the 10th of november, the year’s almost over. if i had your number, i’d call you tomorrow. if my eyes were open, i'd be kicking the doors in. but all that i have is this old dream i've always had. a thousand time, a thousand times, i had that dream a thousand times..

5. take me to church - hozier.

my lover’s got humor.. knows everybody’s disapproval. if the heavens ever did speak, she’s the last true mouthpiece.. “we were born sick” you heard them say it.. the only heaven i’ll be sent to is when i’m alone with you. i was born sick, but i love it. command me to be well.. i’ll tell you my sins so you can sharpen your knife. offer me that deathless death, good god let me give you my life.. if i’m the pagan of the good times, my lover’s the sunlight.. we’ve a lot a starving faithful. that looks tasty, that looks plenty, this is hungry work. take me to church, i’ll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies.. no masters or kings when the ritual begins. there is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin, in the madness and soil of that sad earthly scene. only then i am human, only then i am clean..

6. sign of the times - harry styles.

..we never learn, we’ve been here before. why are we always stuck and running from the bullets, the bullets?  just stop your crying, it’s the sign of the times. we gotta get away from here, we gotta get away from here. just stop your crying, it’ll be alright.. we don’t talk enough, we should open up.. will we ever learn? we’ve been here before. it’s just what we know..

7. oceans - seafret.

i want you. yeah, i want you. and nothing comes close to the way that i need you. i wish i could feel your skin, and i want you from somewhere within. it feels like there’s oceans between me and you once again. we hide our emotions under the surface and try to pretend but it feels like there’s oceans between you and me. i want you, and i always will. i wish i was worth. but i know you deserve. i know i’d rather drown than to go on without you, but you’re pulling me down. it feels like there’s oceans between you and me once again..

8. lava lamp - cuco.

someone’s out there waiting for me, i have to find her and tell her that i love her. you’re a million miles away. the bridge between winter and summer seem’s like a bummer, but it’s worth the wait. and i know you’ll shine the way with your lava lamp (lava lamp) in the middle of your room. from my window, i could see bright, blue light was shining deep like the sea on new year’s eve, wishing you were next to me. yesterday in LA, it was sunny but it rained in my room (in my room) when i wrote a song for- someone’s out there waiting for me, i have to find her and tell her that i love her. if only you’d hold me, and i wasn’t one billion miles away..

9. blank space - taylor swift.

nice to meet you, where you been? i can show you incredible things; magic, madness, heaven, sin. saw you there, and i thought “oh my god, look at that face, you look like my next mistake. love’s a game, wanna play?” new money, suit and tie, i can read you like a magazine. ain’t it funny? rumors fly and i know you heard about me. so, hey, let’s be friends, i’m dying to see how this one ends. grab your passport and my hand.. so it’s gonna be forever or it’s gonna go down in flames. you can tell me when it’s over if the high was worth the pain.. cause we’re young and we’re reckless, we’ll take this way too far. it’ll leave you breathless or with a nasty scar.. but i’ve got a blank space, baby, and i’ll write your name. cherry lips, crystal skies; i could show you incredible things, stolen kisses, pretty lies.. find out what you want.. wait, the worst is yet to come. oh no. screaming, crying, perfect storms. i can make all the tables turn. rose garden filled with thorns.. i get drunk on jealousy. but you’ll come back each time you leave ‘cause, darling, i’m a nightmare dressed like a daydream.. boys only want love if it’s torture, don’t say i didn’t, say i didn’t warn ya..

10. young & beautiful - lana del rey.

.. hot summer nights, mid-july when you and i were forever wild. the crazy days, city lights.. will you still love me when i got nothing but my aching soul?.. all that grace, all that body, all that face makes me wanna party. he’s my sun, he makes me shine like diamonds..

11. you get me so high - the neighborhood.

hope you don’t regret it, i pushed a lot back but i can’t forget it.. nobody seemed to hear us, but we said it. neither of us planned it, and for a long time i took it all for granted. i really thought we had it, but at the time it was more than i could manage so if we can leave it all behind us and meet in between. it would get me so high all the time.. would you come with me? wish i didn’t doubt it, i wish i never ever told you all about it. i just had to let you know, i never meant to hurt you though. i had all my motives, i didn’t know they wouldn’t mix with your emotions. i just had to reach my goals, never knew i’d need you though, so if we can agree to disagree and keep on reaching.. we should stick together, you’re my best friend, i’ll love you forever. we could be the greatest, doesn’t matter if we’re never rich or famous.. if you can just let me know if it’s okay to call you when i’m lonely.

12. strangers - halsey.

she doesn’t kiss me on the mouth anymore cause it’s more intimate than she thinks we should get. she doesn’t look me in the eyes anymore, too scared of what she’ll see, somebody holding me. when i wake up all alone, and i’m thinking of your skin, i remember, i remember what you told me. said that we’re not lovers, we’re just strangers, with the same damn hunger to be touched, to be loved, to feel anything at all.. she doesn’t call me on the phone anymore, she’s never listening, she says it’s innocent. she doesn’t let me have control anymore, i must’ve crossed a line, i must’ve lost my mind.. i miss the mornings with you laying in my bed, i miss the memories replaying in my head, i miss the thought of a forever, you and me, but all you’re missing is my body...

13. million dollar man - lana del rey.

.. i don’t know how you convince them and get them, boy. i don’t know what you do, it’s unbelievable. and i don’t know how you get over, get over someone as dangerous, tainted, and flawed as you.. i love you honey; i’m ready, i’m ready to go. how did you get that way? i don’t know. you’re screwed up and brilliant.. you got the world, but, baby, at what price? something so strange, hard to define. it isn’t that hard, boy, to like you or love you. i’d follow you, down, down, down; you’re unbelievable. if you’re going crazy, just grab me and take me. i’d follow you down, down, down; anywhere, anywhere.. i don’t know. you’re screwed up and brilliant, look like a million dollar man, so why is my heart broke?

14. somebody that i used to know - gotye ft. kimbra.

now and then, i think of when we were together. like when you said you felt so happy you could die. i told myself that you were right for me, but felt so lonely in your company. but that was love and it’s an ache i still remember.. so when we found that we could not make sense. well, you said that we would still be friends but i’ll admit that i was glad it was over. but you didn’t have to cut me off. make out like it never happened and that we were nothing. and i don’t even need your love but you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough. no, you didn’t have to stoop so low, have your friends collect your records and then change your number. i guess that i don’t need that though, now you’re just somebody that i used to know.. now and then i think of all the times you screwed me over, but had me believing it was always something that i’d done. but i don’t wanna live that way, reading into every word you say. you said that you could let it go and i wouldn’t catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know..

15. lurk - the neighborhood.

i want to be honest, i want to be bad. i want to destroy you, i want to move fast. i want the attention, i want all the cash.. i want to be faithful, i want to be raw. i want to be ignorant, i want to know all. i want to die someday, i want to live long. i want what i ask for, i get what i want. i’m thinking we should ride to a place that we don’t know, to a place where no one’s seen us before. i’m thinking you and i, better just go with the flow. last thing that we should do is go slow.. i think of the chances, i think that i’m wrong. i think to be thoughtful, i know that i’m not. you think i’m a fake, and i know you’re a fraud. i fuck ‘cause i need to, i fuck when i want. i’ll fuck you in love, even though it is not. i’ll fucking digest you one kiss at a time. you wish i was yours and i hope that you’re mine.. black and it’s white. everything’s white, but it’s blacker than i know. even blacker than the white of snow..

16.  closer - nine inch nails.

.. you let me complicate you. (help me..) i broke apart my insides. (help me..) i’ve got no soul to sell. (help me..) the only thing that works for me. help me get away from myself. i wanna fuck you like an animal, i want to feel you from the inside.. my whole existence is flawed. you get me closer to god. you can have my isolation. you can have the hate that it brings. you can have my absence of faith. you can have my everything. (help me..) you tear down my reason.. help me think i’m somebody else.. 

17. creep - scala & kolacny brothers. (cover)

when you were here before, couldn’t look you in the eye. you’re just like an angel, your skin makes me cry. you float like a feather in a beautiful world. i wish i was special, you’re so fucking special. but i’m a creep, i’m a weirdo. what the hell am i doing here? i don’t belong here. i don’t care if it hurts, i want to have control. i want a perfect body, i want a perfect soul, i want you to notice when i’m not around. you’re so fucking special, i wish i was special. but i’m a creep, i’m a weirdo. what the hell am i doing here? i don’t belong here. she’s running out the door. she’s running out. she run, run, run, run. whatever makes you happy, whatever you want. you’re so fucking special, i wish i was special. but i’m a creep, i’m a weirdo. what the hell am i doing here? i don’t belong here. i don’t belong here.

18. somebody to love - queen.

can anybody find me somebody to love? each morning i get up, i die a little. can barely stand on my feet. (take a look at yourself in the mirror and cry) take a look at yourself in the mirror and cry. lord what you do to me. i spent all my years in believing you, but i just can get no relief, lord. somebody (somebody), somebody (somebody), can anybody find me somebody to love? i work hard (he works hard) every day of my life. i work til’ i ache my bones. at the end (at the end of the day) i take home my hard-earned pay all on my own (goes home on his own).. til’ the tears run down from my eyes, lord.. i try and i try and i try but everybody wants to put me down. they say i’m going crazy, they say i got a lot of water in my brain. no, i got no common sense. (he’s got) i got nobody left to believe.. got no feel, i got no rhythm. i just keep losing my beat (you just keep losing and losing). i’m okay, i’m alright (he’s alright, he’s alright). i ain’t gonna face no defeat. i just gotta get out of this prison cell, someday i’m gonna be free, lord..

19. supercut - lorde.

in my head, i play a supercut of us. all the magic we gave off. all the love we had and lost. and in my head, the visions never stop.. but when i reach for you, there’s just a supercut. in your car, the radio up. in your car, the radio up. we keep trying to talk about us. i’m someone you maybe might love. i’ll be your quiet afternoon crush, be your violent overnight rush. make you crazy over my touch. but it’s just a supercut of us.. so i fall into continents and cars. all the stages and stars, i turn all of it to just a supercut. ‘cause in my head, in my head i do everything right. when you call, when you call i’ll forgive and not fight. because ours are the moments i play in the dark. we were wild and fluorescent, come home to my heart.. we keep trying to talk about us. slow motion, i’m watching our love. i’ll be your quiet afternoon crush, be your violent overnight rush. make you crazy over my touch. but, it’s just a supercut of us.. ‘cause in my head, in my head, i do everything right. when you call, i’ll forgive and not fight. all the moments i play in the dark, wild and fluorescent, come to my heart..

20. sit next to me - foster the people

yeah, it’s over, it’s over.. got me praying, man, this hunger. feeling something rotten. last time i saw you said “what’s up?” and pushed right through. then i tried to catch you but we’re always on the move. and now it’s over, we’re sober. symptoms of the culture. and the night ain’t getting younger, last call’s around the corner. feeling kinda tempted and i’m pouring out the truth. just fading out these talkers ‘cause now all i want is you, just sayin’. come over here and sit next to me. we can see where things go naturally. just say the word and i’ll part the sea. just come over here and sit next to me and i’ll take you high. well, i ain’t frontin’ my intention, got your man outlined in chalk. it’s a midnight intervention, got no plans to make it stop. last time i saw you, said you wanna keep it light. but i’m here to tell you, i’m not trying to change your mind. it’s alright, it’s alright..

21. can’t get you out of my head - kylie minogue.

i just can’t get you out of my head. boy, your loving is all i think about. i just can’t get you out of my head. boy, it’s more than i dare to think about.. every night, every day, just to be there in your arms. won’t you stay? won’t you lay? stay forever and ever and ever and ever.. there’s a dark secret in me. don’t leave me locked in your heart. set me free, feel the need in me. set me free. stay forever and ever and ever and ever.. i just can’t get you out of my head.

22. i used to think that love was forever - koda.

pale winds flow in like a river. all my dreams are dying in the mud. all i know is painting pictures of you. and what remains in the dust falling at the starts better than falling in the dark. and i tore down my walls ‘cause you were all i’d ever want and i’ve got no more weapons i am bare down to the bone. and i’ve laid all my cards down ‘cause your hearts my only home. i used to think that love was forever. i used to think that love was forever before you. i used to think that love was forever but how could that be true now that i’m in love with you. cold winds flow like pleasure on my wounds and i will use your words to build my tomb. falling at the starts better than falling in the dark. and i tore down my walls ‘cause you were all i’d ever want. and i’ve got no more weapons i am bare down to the bone and i laid all my cards down ‘cause your hearts my only home.. i used to think that love was forever, i used to think that love was forever before you, i used to think that love was forever. but how could that be true now that i’m in love with you.

23. hit me baby one more time [feat. blu holiday] - j2 (cover).

oh baby, baby, how was i suppose to know? that something wasn’t right here. oh baby, baby, i shouldn’t have let you go. and now, you’re out of sight. show me how you want it to be, tell me, baby, ‘cause i need to know now what we’ve got. my loneliness is killing me, (and i) i must confess i still believe, still believe. when i’m not with you i lose my mind, give me a sign, hit me, baby, one more time. oh baby, baby, the reason i breathe is you. but, boy, you’ve got me blinded. oh pretty baby, there’s nothing i wouldn’t do. it’s not the way i planned it. show me how you want it to be. tell me, baby, ‘cause i need to know now what we’ve got..

24. when the party’s over - billie eilish. 

don't you know i'm no good for you. i've learned to lose you, can't afford to. tore my shirt to stop you bleedin' but nothing ever stops you leaving. quiet when i'm coming home and i'm on my own. i could lie, say i like it like that, like it like that.. don't you know too much already. i'll only hurt you if you let me. call me friend but keep me closer (call me back). and i'll call you when the party's over. quiet when i'm coming home and i'm on my own. and i could lie, say i like it like that.. yeah i could lie, say i like it like that, like it like that. but nothing is better sometimes. once we've both said our goodbyes. let's just let it go. let me let you go..

25. the night we met - lord huron.

i am not the only traveler who has not repaid his debt. i've been searching for a trail to follow again. take me back to the night we met. and then i can tell myself what the hell i'm supposed to do and then i can tell myself not to ride along with you. i had all and then most of you, some and now none of you. take me back to the night we met. i don't know what i'm supposed to do. haunted by the ghost of you. oh, take me back to the night we met. when the night was full of terrors and your eyes were filled with tears. when you had not touched me yet. oh, take me back to the night we met. i had all and then most of you, some and now none of you. take me back to the night we met. i don't know what i'm supposed to do. haunted by the ghost of you. take me back to the night we met.

[samiii-p]

45 : 100 words 100 days

The moment she cuts through the crowd, Alexa squeals (screw the middle age man’s eardrums standing beside her) and dashes, ducks, dodges any and all travelers standing in her way; apologizing only once, to a mother pushing a stroller she hurdles over for Katie.

Katie, her best friend. Katie, her girlfriend.

And gosh, she still can't believe her luck. Years spent pining - months planning - trying and failing to tell one special girl she was everything, and how she is one hundred percent over the moon in love with her had somehow, some way worked out. Now, 3 ½ months later here they are on the eve of Thanksgiving running towards each other like one (or both) are returning from war.

“KaaaatIIIIIEEE!”

Alexa is aware she’s progressively growing louder, practically screaming and the entire airport can probably hear her outside but none of them matter because, finally, they're face to face, within arms reach and Alexa doesn't know what forces her to leap but she does and ends up hoisted in Katie's arms, kissing her for all of Charleston International to see.

The one and only kiss they've shared until now was held in the privacy of her bedroom on the day Katie was set to leave for Berkeley, but spectators be damned. It's been three months of phone calls and skype sessions between classes, clubs and new friends so if people felt the need to watch rather than carry on with their business, well, she hoped they took a photo for memento's sake.  

Only when they break apart, foreheads pressed together with Alexa’s arms pulling them closer as Katie holds her up by the back of her thighs, do they speak:

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

And really, had it been anyone else, Alexa would've had to fight the nuclear urge to keep her lunch down, but this was Katie. Katie deserved every single rom-com movie magic moment to ever exist.

Once she’s on solid ground, Alexa helps Katie collect her bags, thrown aside in the culmination of her Dirty Dancing/Notebook dash, and shoulders the book bag on her right so she can lace her free hand with Katie's.

“I've been thinking about that since my mom bought my ticket home.” Katie shyly confesses, pink cheeks and tiny smile included.

Jeez how in the world did Alexa survive three whole months without her?

“Me too.”

Getting out of the airport and safely into traffic is easy enough, they ride with the windows down allowing the warm Carolina air to blow their hair in the wind as Janelle Monáe sings softly in the background.

Normally silence - even of the content variety - was nonexistent. But if and when a rare occasion arose and butted its ugly head into their day, one (or both) covered it, talking randomly until a topic stuck.

And Alexa was pretty sure on some plane of reality far-far away from their own, maybe - possibly their doppelgangers spent time together in comfortable silence … because no one could talk every single second of every day. Listening to the radio on the ride home was fine, normal, no biggie. Stop panicking! Yet: how does one talk to their newly acquired girlfriend in person?

Lucas makes it look easy (and maybe if she truly grows desperate, she'll ask him how) but talking to people she’s interested in came as a no-brainer; except she's never been into anyone the way she’s into Katie. She's a different, prettier monster all on her own.

“So …” she says, gripping the steering wheel until her knuckles whiten, letting the prompt hang in the air as she checks her side mirror for traffic, puts on her signal and switches lanes.

“... um.”

“Yeah.”

Alexa grits her teeth, exiting the highway.

“Good talk.”

Not even an hour ago they were putting on a show for the airport to see and now, words don't compute. Was it all adrenaline? Three months was the longest time they spent apart, and coming off the back of a love confession, they were bound to recreate the moment (no matter the public) to see if the energy was the same - and now that all the budding anticipation was over, it was over.

At least, Alexa hoped it was just an awkward aftermath and not a "we’re better as friends,  turns out we don't mesh in that well" possible future conversation. God, please don't let it be that.

Parking, Alexa turns the key and shuts the car off but hesitates to unfasten her seatbelts or get out. She doesn't know what to do next but she knows it's not that. Everyone's inside is waiting for Katie's arrival (like they did for her the day before). Once they go inside, any chance of getting Katie alone for the weekend will vanish. Jack already has a list of things he wants to show her since her absence (including a nasty scar he earned from skateboarding). If Jennifer is anything like Lori, she's not going to let Katie out of her sight for a second. Alexa had to practically duck-dodge and take cover to pick Katie up on time - heck, even Katie's dad was pacing around the Mendoza’s living room waiting for his little girl. So whatever this recent buildup is had to disperse before they stepped foot inside.

“What're you doing?” Katie spins around as Alexa starts backing the car down the driveway and away from the prying eyes spying on them from behind the window curtains.

“Dont worry.” She’s sure she’s said at least a thousand times within her lifetime. It being the prolog to many adventures, mistakes and nights grounded. And every single time, Katie comes, without much question, unless she absolutely needed to voice her concern and even then, she went - following Alexa into dark battles just so she could be her guiding light out. “We’ll be right back. I just want ...”

Time with you before the chaos of being home for the holiday unleashes. I want to share a kiss with you away from everyone. I want the familiarity our friendship woven into the newness of our relationship because I love you so much and forty minutes of silence has me over analyzing what it could mean.

“... a chance with you by myself.”

To Alexa’s utter relief, Katie smiles, and tucks her chin in a small nod and a Mt. Everest of butterflies unleashes in Alexa's lower abdomen, flapping their huge ass wings all the way to beach a few miles from their neighborhood.

The car goes into park, seat belt comes off and Alexa turns in her seat, folding her leg under the other, and nervously pulls a stray curl behind her ear and inhales, inhales, inHALES holding it because exhaling will mean talking.

Katie doesn't look like she's fairing better, twisting the tip of ponytail around her index finger until it's a tight blonde knot.

“A-"

“Are you breaking up with me?!”

Whaaaaat??????

“Because, I mean, we seemed to be on the same page at the airport but maybe we weren't. Was I too overeager, should I've waited - I just couldn't help myself and I know that's no excuse but I can do better. I will do better. Pleeeease don't break up with me!”

Instantly, the 5,000 pound rhino has been lifted off her chest and Alexa can breathe. Finally.

“I'm not breaking up with you,” she assures. “I was just … nervous.” which, out loud, sounds odd - they've never been nervous around each other before but then again, they're under new light - no longer just friends but girlfriends. Lovers, if you will. And maybe, naivete let them think they could remain in that headspace but now, Alexa understands. Their relationship is forever changed, still best friends but with an asterisk attached, redefining Alexa and Katie.

“Oh.” Katie bites her lips, the light pressure reddening her bottom lip (simultaneously capturing Alexa’s attention) “I was - I’m nervous too. I mean.”

Locking her fingers together, Katie takes a deep breath and turns in her seat, and Alexa can see the growing list of words traveling from brain to tongue and readies herself.

“And I'm kinda … scared.”

“Right!”

“But a good scared.”

“Totally.”

“Scared like, I went to press my face against your face, who cares who's watching and spend these four days home alone in our tree house talking about things we’ve never talked about before … you being my girlfriend type stuff,” Alexa grins, she really likes the sound of that, “but it also, kinda feels like I've been pushed out a plane without a parachute and I'm falling, and my stomach is in my throat and you're there, within fingertips but I'm afraid to reach because I don't want to throw us off balance, and miss you completely.” Finished, a shaky exhale releases, sagging her shoulders. “Make any sense?”

Alexa smiles, falling back against the driver door because oh man, Katie literally turned her anxiety into words. If this isn't a sign they are soulmates, well then, God is a cold cruel mistress.

Scooting closer to Katie, she shakes her head in wonder - wonder at how she found the girl of her dreams right outside her bedroom window, how she could be this lucky so young and early on in life and she finally understands all those times her mother told her “when you know you know” because Katie Cooper is it. She's her know.

She leans in, resting her forehead to Katie's, smiles so hard the apples of her cheeks hurt and says, “for the record, I’ll always catch you.”

Their third official kiss is the longest yet, just as soft and enticing as the previous two but when Katie tilts her head to the side and tugs at her upper lip, Alexa’s eyes roll to the back of her head and a noise she didn't know possible escapes the burrows of her throat, encouraging her girlfriend to go further.

When they return, Alexa has to give credit to her family for pretending not to notice anything out of the ordinary but of course it's Jack who takes it upon himself to point out over the dinner table;

“Hey Alexa, is that lip gloss on your neck?”

- (1000+)

[margri3t]

Ereri secret santa!

Hello everyone! It’s finally posting time for the Ereri secret santa and I am very excite. I’ve had this fic ready to go for over a month now XD. Basically @thes0ulreader is my secret santa!!! and bc I’m speedy my posting # is #1!

You can read it here on ao3 or keep reading down below!

A week before Christmas and I’ve got the fucking flu. This wouldn’t be a problem if it weren’t for the fact that every year our orchestra celebrates Christmas by holding a concert each day for a week. The turnout is always massive. If my flu doesn’t magically disappear by 2pm, the orchestra won’t have a first violinist. My boyfriend Eren on the other hand seems to have some sort of magical immunity to illness. He was spending the morning looking after me to his best abilities even though I told him time and time again that he should be spending the morning practising Double bass instead. Even if I did enjoy the pampering, there was a 99% chance that Eren would have to go to the concert without me.

“It’s such a shame you won’t be there to help me carry things…” Eren loved to tease me, using if often as a way to distract me from whatever was upsetting me. This meant he could tell I wasn’t happy being stuck at home and wanted reassurance that I was okay. Best way to do that was tease back…

“I wouldn’t have helped anyway, it’s your fault for choosing such a large instrument in the first place. People think you’re compensating for something.” I said with a sniff, grabbing a tissue from the nightstand.

“But you know I’m not!” I could tell from the singsong tone that he was relaxing. Thank god. I didn’t want him to stress over me when he should be focusing on music.

When Eren felt my forehead the previous good mood disappeared. Fuck.

“You’re boiling, I’ll get you a cold compress.”

“No you won’t, I’ll do it myself. Now enough with you, you’ve got two hours until you’ve got to leave. Go practise.” Illness be damned, if he didn’t go practise himself, I’d drag him there.

“If you insist. But please be careful, overworking yourself now will only slow your recovery.” With that Eren stood up and planted a kiss on my lips before leaving.

A few minutes later I heard the soft sounds of music resounding from downstairs. Honestly that man does too much for me, the amount of tenderness in his eyes before he left was painful. Thoughts of christmas started to fill my mind and I thought about the small box that was currently hidden deep underneath the christmas tree. Would he say yes? Was just the ring enough? I had played with the idea of arranging a piece for the proposal before, but never found the time to actually do it. Could it be that my illness was actually a blessing in disguise? I was well enough that I could still play, the only problem keeping me from going to concerts was a fever and coughing fits. Maybe I could use the free time to prepare something special for Eren? He really did deserve to know how much I loved him.

I decided for now it was best to get some rest and let Eren’s quiet playing lull me to sleep. Due to my insomnia I had difficulty doing this especially because Eren wasn’t but my side. Over the past two years we’d been dating I found that he helped me sleep better. But hearing him play helped to some extent.

~~~

I woke up a few hours later to find a note on the nightstand:

Levi,

It’s good to see you’re getting some rest, even if I can’t look after you right now I trust you’ll be okay. You already know this but I’ll be back by 9. Get well soon!

He really was too sweet, it made my heart ache.

With slight difficulty I got out of bed and headed to the music room to grab some blank music sheets. My first goal was to have a loose violin arrangement made for the end of the day. I decided that the piece I’d be playing was the waltz from swan lake. Eren loved waltzes. Every time he heard one he made me dance with him and because my dancing abilities were subpar, it always ended in a fit of laughter and possibly me on the floor.

When I sat down at the piano I started to get extremely cold, so I quickly rushed upstairs to get a blanket. Back downstairs and comfortable, I started writing. Listening to the music and playing a couple notes on the piano before writing what I wanted down. It seemed I’d have to get Eren’s mother in the mix. I needed a pianist and she played beautifully. So after a few more hours and eventually a loose draft of what I wanted, I called her…

“Hello Levi!” Carla sounded as cheery as ever.

“Hi Carla! How are you?” Eren’s mother loved talking so I might as well ask.

“I’m great thank you, but why are you calling me? Is this about your little proposal plan?” I had already asked for her blessing a few weeks ago, earning a bear hug and squealing. After which she bombarded me with questions.

“Well yes. I wasn’t planning to do this but now it seems I have time to, would you please help me by accompanying a piece? It’s short notice and I’m sorry but I know you’re talented enough.”

“Well of course Levi! I’ve got nothing better to do this week and I would just love to see my boy say yes! When and where do you need me?” Over excited as usual.

“Well if you could come by tomorrow at 2:30 we could take a look at it together?” Eren would be gone by then.

“Sounds perfect.”

~~~

Eren was correct, due to the fact I hadn’t been resting, my illness stretched across the whole week. I was upset that I missed the concerts, but glad I could get the extra practice time. So when Christmas came around I was hopeful I could make this a day Eren would never forget. The past five days had been stressful even without the humongous weight of 1000 eyes on you as you play ‘Mary do you know?’. Eren’s mother had the skill but was worried that she wouldn’t have it ready in time, of course eventually she had it perfected (by eventually I mean after a day) that women was a fucking monster when it came to music. No one in the community loomed quite as large…meaning that when she retired, everyone was upset. Her reasoning had been that she ‘wanted to find a way to associate piano with fun again instead of work’ which I could completely understand. Burnouts were far to common in the music community.

Even just playing the song through I could imagine Eren dancing, and it was as much of a distraction as it was beautiful. So I decided it was best to clear my head when I played, thinking of nothing else than how much I loved the man who showed me so much kindness.

~~~

8am, Christmas Day, and a quiet notification wakes me. Eren’s mother is at the front door. I sneak out of bed the best I can and slip on some clothes before heading downstairs. The bolts on the door are far too loud, contrasting harshly with the almost eerie silence of the rest of the house. Eren’s mother hugs me silently and I let her in, immediately she heads to the music room to set up. I grab the ring box from underneath the tree and slip it into my pocket. Afterwards I motion for Carla to come to the kitchen and make some coffee. Nerves are starting to get to me.

My hands are shaking and honestly it’s so terrifying, I’ve never felt this nervous before. But you can’t blame me, I’m about to ask the biggest question of my life to the most important man of my life. My mind started to wander about all the things that could give Eren a reason to say no. We’d fallen out before, just like every couple. But I didn’t think there was anything extreme…Maybe he never loved me in the first place, is our whole relationship just a lie? What if-

I felt Carla’s hand wrap around mine. Fuck. She could tell I was nervous. How was I going to live through this without fucking up? By the end of the day Eren would be gone. I’m sure of it. Even if it really hurts, why would he even bother staying if I can’t get his proposal right?

“Levi, Eren really loves you. I know you’re nervous but he’s not going to care how you propose. At the end of the day what matters is the fact that you want to marry him and he wants the same.” Carla read my mind.

“But what if he doesn’t?”

“If you can’t see how smitten he is with you you must be blind. I can even tell just from his voice! He calls me sometimes and every time it’s ‘Levi did this’ ‘Levi was so cute yesterday’ and so on. Look, don’t tell him I said this, but after just a month of knowing you he told me he thought you were the one.” I would never believe that. Ever.

“Lies and deceit.”

“Trust me it’s true!” Just as Carla said this I heard footsteps upstairs, Eren was awake. Now I was certain we only had 30 minutes till show time. Eren always took a shower in the mornings and normally it took around 30 minutes. I started to shake again.

Whilst Carla and I waited we made breakfast, that way we could have a ‘small celebration’ afterwards. But those were Carla’s words and not mine. We decided to just make omelette as later on in the day we’d be having a big Christmas dinner at Carla’s house. We were done round about 15 minutes later and placed a plate over the food so it wouldn’t cool down too much. Upstairs I heard Eren step out the shower. Fuck. He was being fast today. Carla gave me a look and dragged me to the music room to set up my violin. We started tuning and so on, making sure to listen closely for footsteps upstairs. I knew he could probably hear me, meaning he would be down fairly fast.

Lo and behold, 5 minutes later, there he was…

“Levi…what is this? Why is my mum here?” Damn, questions he’d get answers to soon but still made me question myself.

“I prepared a piece for you for Christmas. So shh and just listen.” My harsh attitude made Eren chuckle which in return caused my heart to flutter. Fuck. Breathing in steadily, I raised my bow and locked eyes with Carla for a moment before beginning to play.

I wasn’t normally one to get stage fright, so the feeling of drowning was definitely new, nevertheless I swam up. Only letting my playing falter for half a second before getting it under control. I had to put all my emotion into this. Let Eren feel how I feel through my music. Funnily enough, it was easy to compare my relationship with Eren to the music I was playing. We had managed to find calm within each other’s arms. All our stresses melting away. Of course there was bound to be problems, just like how the song itself was bound to become louder, but it would always return to a calm. I could see a grin spread across Eren’s face and his eyes flash in recognition. Perfect. Why was he so fucking perfect? Somehow Eren also looked pained, like he was itching to do something. When I saw his foot tap I realised what it was, he wanted to dance. It was hard to dance a waltz alone. Guess I’d have to beg Carla to play again later without me so we could dance.

Eventually I reached the end of the piece, finishing with a flourish of my bow.

Eren looked so happy.

Here goes nothing.

I placed down my violin silently and knelt down on one knee, slowly grabbing the ring box from my pocket.

“Eren you amazing, beautiful, crazy man,” My voice cracked. Fuck. “Will you marry me?” Eren was on the brink of tears, was he upset? Happy? Angry? Levi why can’t you even tell what your own boyfriend is thinking?

“In what universe would my answer ever be no?” Eren laughed and all I could do was get lost in his eyes. Amazing. I didn’t even register the fact Eren was helping me stand until I was firmly standing on two feet. Placing down the box, I grabbed Eren’s hand and slipped the ring onto his finger. It was a simple silver band with green crystals? Gems? I didn’t know. Honestly the only thought I had about the ring was that it matched his eyes amazingly.

“Finally! One step closer to grandchildren!” Of course Carla had to say that.

[renegadesrpg]

Soulmates Part 4. Connections. Sean and Layla

                                              A kiss so powerful,

                                                a kiss so sexy,

                                         it started with two sets

                                                    of lips

                                                   touching

                                                 and ended

                                              with two hearts

                                              beating as one.

                                              A sacred kiss

                                            that stopped time.

                                                                       The Clarty Plodger

Sean: Yes...it did.

 Layla: Agreed

 Sean: *smirks cockily* Glad to hear it wasn't one sided.

  Layla: Don't get too full of yourself male. *grins*

  Sean: *Grins* Oh, baby, the ways I could turn that statement. Let's just say, I'm just gettin' started.

  Layla: I welcome the challenge.

  Sean: *Laughs.* Beautiful, you just insured I'm gonna rock your world. Only fair though. *Smirks* You already rocked mine.

  Layla: *blushes a bit* as you did mine.

  Sean: *Grins.* I'm gonna have to see just how far that blush goes one of these days. Or maybe I should say, how far I can /make/ it go.

  Layla: *grin widens as I shiver a little at your words*

  Sean: *Just grins back in anticipation.*

 Layla: *reaches out and grazes your cheek with my hand* let the games begin.

  Sean: *Catching her hand as it touches my cheek, I bring her palm to my lips, kissing it, letting my tongue tease it, mimicking what I plan to do to another part of her body. My eyes go hot as I imagine that and met hers.*

 You sure about that, baby? Because I'm pretty good at ... games.

  Layla: I bet you are. Know this though, if I say something, I mean it. No need to ask if I'm sure. My heart and mind are one in all things.

  Sean: *putting teasing aside for the moment, I take her hand in both of mine and rest my forehead against yours*

 I know. I feel your honesty, your surety. But I need to be sure baby. You've been through so much. Teasing you teases me too, and gods, I love it! But I don't wanna push you too fast. I don't want bad memories to resurface for you when we...*smiles a little, the teasing tone coming out briefly* begin the games. Because you're no game to me. You're real. You're it. And when we're together I want to make sure you don't flashback.

  Layla: I understand and agree. I just wanted you to know that I don't say what I don't mean. *quickly presses my lips to your lips*

  Sean: *That electricity flows between us again as she brushes her lips against mine, but as she begins to pull back, I catch her by her arms and bring her back to me, bringing our lips back together. I try to be gentle, coaxing, teasing a response from her when what I really want is to ravage her mouth with mine, to deepen it and drive away all the bad memories, to exorcise her demons.* Ah, Layla....

  Layla: Sean *his name a whisper as I lean into the kiss. I relish the electricity it brings to my body and soul*

  Sean:*Her warm breath against my lips, my name on hers...my body goes hard with want and need. Slipping my arms around her, I pull her against me, but rather than hold her tightly as I want to, I let my arms hold her loosely, forcing my hands to relax and run lightly over her back so she knows she's in control, so she stays in the moment with me and not in her memories.*

Gods, woman... I want you....

  Layla: Sean, dearest Scribe Virgin, I want you too.

 Sean: *A roar of triumph echoes in the back of my brain, like a primordial creature claiming his mate. The kiss intensifies, my tongue tangling with hers, demanding a response. I can feel her nipples beneath her clothing, hard little buds pressing against my chest and my hands slide>down her back in a hard caress to cup her tight behind and pull it against my body, letting her feel the depth of my need for her.

 Grabbing back my control and locking it down, I move my hands back to her waist and break the kiss....* You need a safe word...*It comes out gravely, my breath coming hard,*  So I know when you need me to stop.

  Layla: *feeling a need to tease as I regain my breath, I say* what if I just nip your ear? * I demonstrate what I mean*

  Sean: Oh fuck...*it comes out a groan* I don't think that's a good..*panting* idea baby. Cause it makes me want to do things....*burying my face in her neck, laving the soft, skin there with my tongue, nipping and sucking, marking her as mine.*

  Layla: *wiggles a bit as he nibbles* No good? Hmmm how about "three"?

 Sean: *She wiggles her hips against me and the long thick erection that has been straining against my black reaper leathers goes to steel.*

 Fuck....*it comes out a hiss as I try to get my big head back in the game.* Three? That's your safe word. As in "far enough, but keep doing what you’re doing" or as in "step back right now"?

Gritting my teeth at the end because my little head has developed a mind of its own and is rubbing against her.*

 Layla: Oh gods don't stop. Wait...we need to, we said slow. Oh damn...so good. Wait *the fog of ecstasy lifts for a moment* Three means halt and breath.

  Sean: Got it...*It comes out between gritted teeth as I slide one hand down her side to her hip and under her leg to lift it up and wrap it around my waist. Her body, supply and lithe, was made for mine. I move my hips against her core, my leathers and the thin layer of her clothing all that keeps me from plunging into heaven. Ascension be damned. This is heaven.*

  Layla: Oh Sean! It's been so long, you make it so hard to resist. Damn! *I roll my hip into your hardness*

  Sean: *As I roll my hips with hers, I open my mind and let my gift flow. I can feel her... her want, her desire and need. And I can feel she's with me, not slipping back into the past but in the here and now. My own need and desire is a tidal wave, threatening to overwhelm us both, but somewhere in the back of my dimwitted head I realize that letting her feel how violently I need her would jolt her back into the past and I put a dam up in my brain, keeping it mostly contained. As I tilt her head up to mine and take her mouth, only the smallest sliver of it escapes and caresses her, complimenting her own need, pleasuring her in a way only I can and I can feel her body respond.*

 Let it go baby...come for me.

  Layla: *I feel the touch and I fall over the edge* SEAN! *I gasp and my breathing labors and my body shakes with the intensity*

 Sean: *That inner primordial being that's been screaming "MINE" roars again in triumph at her cry. The link I opened, slight as it is, is enough for me to feel the wave pleasure crash through her and damn near enough to cause me to disgrace myself. Setting my jaw, I hold back my own climax, cock and balls aching, but this was for all for her*

  Layla: *my breathing slowly returns to normal and my grip loosens on you. My head is against your chest, your heartbeat helping me settle*

  Sean: *I release her leg as she leans against me and settles against my chest. Both arms go around her as I kiss the top of her head. The need in me stays, but like a fire that's burned hot and hard, it finally banks, still smoldering, but under control. I can feel her heartbeat steadying and realize it's settled to match the rhythm of my own. Two hearts beating as one. My own feelings for her swamp me and I'm overwhelmed with tenderness for her. Bending slightly, I slip my arm beneath her legs and lift her, cradling her against my chest and move us to an overstuffed chair and hold her on my lap. Taking a breath, I drop a kiss on her temple and try for a light, teasing tone...*

Well, what was that?

  Layla: Connection

  Sean: *laughs softly, nuzzling her temple*

 I think you're right. And I'm never letting you break it.

  Layla: There's a human term that fits here...ditto.

 *I snuggle in as close as I can get*

  Sean: *a deep contentment settles over me.*

 I could sit right here in this chair like this with you and never move again.

 *nuzzling her hair, letting my breath tickle her ear*

  Layla: But then who would paint you pictures and knit you hats?

  Sean: *nips your ear* I would be keeping you too busy to knit or paint. I'd miss the hats and the pictures, but I bet I could make sure we both liked this better.

  Layla: Naughty *giggles as I swat your chest*

  Sean: *laughs softly*

You know, in almost 5,000 years, I've never felt like this. Never been this happy, this content. That's all you Layla. All you.

  Layla: And I thought vampires were blessed and cursed to hit 1000. I'm honored that I could give you the contentment you deserve.

 Sean: *Laughing, so completely relaxed now that I almost feel like I'm in a meditative state.*

 Honey, I'm the one that's honored. That such a bright, beautiful soul as yours would accept me feels almost unreal to me. I think, when we make love, and *inhaling the fragrance of your hair,* we /will/ make love, it will be even more of a connection.

 Layla: Yes, I know it will.

 Sean: *lazily twirling her blonde hair around one finger,* Layla, you know what I am, right? I told you when we first met a while back.

 Layla: You said a Reaper.

 Sean: *smiles* That's right. A Reaper. It's supposed to be helping souls along, but...*hesitating to get deeper into it yet, even though I'll need to tell her soon, just in case it all goes bad out there,* I have other responsibilities to. Point here is, reapers live a long time. In fact, there's only a few ways we /can/ die, so we tend to live a long time. At over 4,800 years, I'm not nearly the oldest one out there. So it's pretty good odds that, *twirling that lock of hair again* If you wanted to see my face every day for the next 1000 years or so. *or longer -- there could be ways around her mortality. There's a long time to look into it...* That could be arranged. *holding her close, not wanting her to see the worry in my eyes that maybe she won't want that with me*

 Layla: I think I could look into your handsome face for hundreds of years and never tire. *I smile and kiss your chest*

 Sean: *The pleased smile on my face as I kiss the top of her head is only a pale reflection of the happiness that settles on me. And being an empath of pretty strong power, it bleeds out of me to wrap around us both like a warm, comfortable blanket.*

 That's good, baby. Because I plan to kiss you awake every morning for the rest of your life. Oh, now, *stroking her back* I'm not in a hurry. We'll take our time. But just know we've got a long-term plan here. And when we're ready, I'll honor all of your species traditions. Cool with you?

 Layla: Very Sean. Very. *I snuggle in again content to stay here forever*

 Sean: *I can feel her body and spirit relaxing*

 Do you remember how I said I could dreamwalk with you? Keep you safe? And how I said it works better if the dreamwalker holds the other through the night? I'd like to do that tonight.

 Layla: I'd like that too. Very much.

 Sean: *smiles* Your bed ok? I'm kinda between places at the moment.

 Layla: That's fine by me. Come on....*takes your hand and leads you to my room*

 Sean: *walking hand-in-hand with you, a half-step behind to let you lead. While she holds my hand, she can still see me as though I'm completely in the material world, but I fade back into the half-world reapers use as we walk the hall. Vampires are notoriously 'shoot first and fuck questions' types and I don't want to get her in trouble or have to explain this right now. I just want to be with her. As we enter her room and the door shuts, I fully re-enter the physical world.* Nice digs. *Smiling as I look around.*

 Layla: *The room is done in shades of purple and gray.* Thanks, it's huge but better than the medical suite I was in for a while.

 Sean: Your mountain painting would look good in here. *grinning* I promise, I'll be a gentleman, but I don't wanna sleep in my leathers and I want you to be comfortable too.

 *Inhales and materializes loose lightweight sweatpants in place of my leather pants. Black tee-shirt and boots and socks disappear with the pants. My chest and six-pack are left bare above the low-slung sweats.* This ok to sleep in?

 Layla: Perfectly. *I run a hand down your chest on my way to the bathroom to change*

 I'm going to change into something for bed as I usually go naked but would not want to make you uncomfortable this night. *I come back out in a dark green tank top and loose green/black boxer shorts*

 Sean: *my mouth goes dry as she says "naked" and I start to say that would be fine with me. I usually sleep naked outside when I can. But taking it slow here, so maybe naked a good idea. So I hop on the bed and settle back to wait for her, hands behind my head as I watch the door.  When she re-emerges I grin.*

Green suits you, beautiful. C'mere... *Patting the bed beside me* I saved your spot.

  Layla: Good because I may sprawl out and take lots of space or may end up on top of you.

 Sean: *My grin just gets bigger* On top of me is just fine baby. I want you all over me

 Layla: Good to know. *grins and winks as I climb into your arms and settle there*

 Sean: pulls her close and snuggles down in the soft sheets and pulls a light cover over us. Kissing her gently, but chastely, because being in this big damned bed nearly naked with her is temptation enough that I don't need to wake Mr. Happy up by kissing her the way I'd like, I tell her...*

 I'll be with you in your dreams tonight. If they start to get bad, I'll protect you. So don't be afraid. Not there. Not here. I've got you, baby. And I don't scare and I don't let go.

 Layla: Thank you sweet male. *I lean in and kiss your cheek before cuddling in and closing my eyes to let sleep take me*

 #TBC

[taekookbook]

BTS as Flirty Starbucks Guys - Jin

Request by@belikelasagna: Annyeonggg Request: Them as flirty Starbucks guyss Hope you don’t mind me requesting reeeally often!! :))

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This is it guys, this is the last one, I can’t believe it!🙊 😭

I had so much fun coming up with all their different scenarios and writing each member’s drabble🙌It made me realise how much I miss writing, so if anyone wants to request drabbles again in the future, I am 100% okay with it!😘

Jin’s took me the longest to write, but that’s only because I was away for a week after I had started his😅However, his is also the longest and I’m actually extremely proud with how it turned out🎉

Thank you as always for all the follows, likes and reblogs😘your support means the world to me and makes my heart so happy whenever I see the notifications💖

Let me know what you think and, as always, feel free to make requests (HERE)

I will update my Masterlist soon and I promise another update for Heartbreak Girl is coming, but I was busy working on this😅

Enjoy!✌

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Member: Jin

Length: 1966 words

“Okay, so who thought they had the right to put up a non-work related sign in my Starbucks?”

“Uh hyung, technically it’s not you–” Hoseok trails off at Jin’s look as he continues to scold his friends employees, with his arms crossed during their regular Friday morning staff meeting.

“As long as I am Manager, you are under my roof and will follow my rules and – oh my God Kim Taehyung if you want to live you will get off your phone right now, or I will end you and take away your cupcake decorating privileges!”

Not surprisingly it’s the threat of revoking his icing privileges that makes Taehyung stop texting and put his phone away with a pout, Jimin standing next to him patting his back as sympathetically as possible – which is quite hard when faced with a pouty 21 year old who looks like a grumpy 3 year old about to throw a temper tantrum ­– but he tries and Taehyung shoot him a small smile for that.

“Back on topic,” Jin sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger before taking a deep breath and looking at the 5 faces in front of him.

Wait, 5? That doesn’t seem right.

“Where’s Yoongi?” Jin is about 1000 percent done with today already, but as he’s about to take out his phone to call said missing person and tear him a new one because he just wants to get through one staff meeting in peace, Yoongi walks through the door – the usual frown on his face more prominent than normal.

“Before you say anything, I know I’m late and I apologise. It’s not my fault though because someone,” Yoongi is glaring at Hoseok who looks like he’s trying to wish himself invisible, “took my house keys when they left this morning because they seem to have lost theirs again, so I had to wait for the Building Manager to come lock up with his keys because frankly I don’t feel like being robbed. So, I’m sorry I’m late, but blame this idiot.” He’s stalked over to Hoseok now and smacks him on the back of the head before shuffling over to his spot behind the pastries and sitting down.

Everyone, excluding Yoongi and Hoseok, look back and forth between the two before Jin sighs for the umpteenth time and fights the urge to smack himself upside the head for ever thinking is was a good idea to hire his friends.

“Right, before my head explodes, here’s a quick summary of the important parts of the meeting: 1) Namjoon is not allowed to work with glasses or mugs anymore, Head Office is tired of having to restock our First Aid kit so frequently, 2) Someone has to supervise Taehyung while he decorates the cupcakes to make sure he doesn’t eat majority of the icing again, 3) I don’t care how much you hate making them, if someone asks for a Unicorn Frappuccino, you will make it. No lying and saying we’re out of product again Yoongi because then I will make sure you are the only one who makes them. And lastly 4) No putting up signs that are non-work related without asking me first. That’s that, everyone please carry on with work for today.” With that, Jin turned around to face you – who had walked in during the middle of his rant meeting – and smiled.

“Sorry about that, just finishing up a meeting. Welcome to Starbucks, what can I get you?”

Forcing yourself to hold back the laugh from what you were about to do, you kept your expression calm as you smiled and ordered, “A Grande Unicorn Frappuccino to go please.”

As soon as your order left your mouth, it seemed as though the 4 guys (you would call them men but they didn’t seem old enough to warrant that and they were much too attractive to be boys, because that word just made you think of your little brother) behind the counter and the 3 in the process of walking onto the floor all visibly flinched, before carrying on as normal and Jin – bless nametags – sighed very softly, about to key in your order.

“Wait,” You all but shouted, not wanting to make Jin have to cancel and start again.

He jumped slightly at your raised voice, not expecting it, but stopped nonetheless to look up at you (well, down, because damn he was tall) quietly waiting for you to continue.

“I was joking about the Unicorn Frappuccino. I know eavesdropping is terrible but I heard you mentioning it and I honestly couldn’t help myself. I thought it would be funny and lighten the atmosphere because it was so tense, but obviously I’m horrible at jokes and I’m sorry.” You bowed your head slightly in apology and let your hair fall forward to somewhat hide your rosy cheeks, but then you heard a light chuckle that soon turned in to laughter and you lifted your head to find all 7 guys looking at you in amusement or in the midst of laughter.

“Oh thank God.” Namjoon – seriously, bless nametags – sighed in relief and Jin turned to him while still chuckling and pointed a finger.

“Why are you thanking God? I’m the one who would’ve had to make it.”

“I know, but somehow we all end up covered in ‘Unicorn Blood’ regardless of who makes it and the less of that rubbish I have to avoid, the better.” He’s grinning now and the other guys are all nodding in agreement as Jin turns back to you, still smiling.

“Now that you’ve saved us from being covered in what we like to call Unicorn Blood, what can I get for you instead?”

You’re smiling now because for once your joke didn’t horribly backfire, and briefly glance up at the menu before deciding. “I’ll have a Tall White Hot Chocolate and one of those really cute cupcakes iced like a Bee.”

“Finally!” You jump at the shout coming from one of the guys on your side of the counter and let out a squeal that turns into another bout of laughter as the guy who shouted picks you up and spins you around. “Someone gets my creativity.”

You grin, patting him on the back when he puts you down, and turn back to Jin who is staring at the guy like an annoyed mom.

“Taehyung, how many times do I have tell you? You can’t hug every person who chooses one of the cupcakes you decorated.” He looks exasperated and Taehyung ducks his head bashfully.

“Sorry hyung, I just got excited.” He turns to you, bowing slightly, “Sorry uh Miss–”

“Y/N.” You cut in when he looks confused at how to address you.

“Right, sorry Y/N-ssi for hugging you without permission and out of the blue.” Taehyung shoots you a cute boxy grin and you can’t help but grin back.

“It’s okay Taehyung-ssi, for what it’s worth, a beautiful cupcake like that deserves a hug.” You emphasize the ‘Be’ in beautiful and Taehyung practically beams at you, blushing and bowing in thanks this time before continuing with sweeping the floor and singing softly to himself.

“That was very sweet of you Y/N-ssi.” Jin’s voice makes you turn back to him and he has such a fond smile on his face it makes you want to melt into a puddle of – well – you. “I love the way you espresso yourself.” He jokes with a wink and you can’t help but break into laughter.

“Does no one know how to read? I put that sign up for a reason, to escape this torture.” The grumpy looking guy behind the cakes and pastries moans and Jin suddenly rounds on him.

“Well I didn’t say you could put it up Min Yoongi, so suffer in silence.” He scolds but also blows him a kiss sarcastically and grumpy guy – Yoongi – rolls his eyes.

You quietly laugh to yourself while watching their exchange and can’t seem to keep your smile off your face even when you leave 10 minutes later, hot chocolate and cupcake in hand.

***

“Jungkook, how many times have I told you not to put the cleaning products on the top shelf when you know it’s Jimin’s turn to clean the next day?” Jungkook looks down at his feet as he gets scolded by Jin for the sixth time about the same thing as Jimin stands off to the side, grumbling to himself and Yoongi sits in his spot playing Angry Birds on his phone – a usual Thursday morning.

“I swear I heard you saying that to him last week, or am I experiencing déjà vu?” You joke lightly at the familiar scene before you and Jin turns to shoot you a smile before a pained look takes over.

“Nope, not déjà vu. I just keep having to repeat myself like a parrot and hope it’ll sink in.” Jin sighs dramatically and you, Yoongi, Jimin and Jungkook all breathe a laugh at his antics.

“It must be tough being a single parrot, raising six kids on your own.” You manage to keep a straight face when you speak up, although it’s hard to maintain as soon as Jin and Jimin start laughing at the bad pun, Jimin practically collapsing onto Jungkook who looks like he’s fighting a smile.

“You know, good help is Soy hard to find these days.” Jin cackles, crossing his arms and shaking his head like a tired parent and that makes you crack, bursting into giggles and having to lean on the counter for support.

“Two in one, I’m impressed.” You wheeze out and the smile Jin sends your way makes you catch your breath for something other than laughter.

“Hey Yoongi-hyung, didn’t you say the one day that if you hear another pun/pick up line thing, you’d quit?” Jungkook suddenly pipes up and Yoongi – who had been banging his forehead against the counter ­– whips his head towards him, hard stare already on his face.

“I did not.” He huffs, crossing his arms and hardening his glare even more.

“Uh hate to tell you hyung but, you kind of did.” Jimin speaks up and is almost instantly on the receiving end of Yoongi’s death stare.

“Can both you brats shut up? I didn’t mean it like that Jin-hyung.” He’s now facing Jin with an apologetic look on his face but Jin just shrugs.

“Go ahead, quit, or don’t. But don’t expect me to stop making jokes just because you don’t like them, because I won’t.” Jin retorts sassily and Yoongi opens and closes his mouth a couple times like he can’t quite get out what he wants to say, and in the end just settles for a nod before going back to Angry Birds on his phone.

Jimin and Jungkook start bickering again about Jungkook being a brat and putting stuff where Jimin can’t reach, and Jin turns back to you with a sigh and a soft smile.

“What can I get you Y/N-ah?” He asks sweetly and you return the smile, taking a deep breath before speaking.

“Your number would be nice because I kind of like you a latte.” A nervous giggle slips out and you look down at your hands, not able to meet his gaze.

“Well Y/N-ah, I think I’ll have to hold the sugar in my drinks from now on because that’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard.” Jin’s response makes you look up and you’re pretty sure you both have matching smiles on your faces right now.

“That’s like one of the most commonly used lines though.” Jungkook mumbles.

“I bet you wish you quit now.” Jimin whispers to Yoongi.

And Yoongi just groans softly and starts banging his forehead on the counter again.