#everheart amendment

[departmentofobjectoidstudy]

Rule #17: Male scientists are not permitted to wear a dress to formal events.

art by: @rabbitjaguar

[lexirambles]

I’m sorry, you’re aloud to be upset and offended, never did I say you aren’t aloud to. I don’t want to be disrespectful or racist, I want to do better and know better. I don’t know how to make it better, or how to improve, because things like this happen when I try to talk about it. is Oi talked to my mother about it, and while she doesn’t know much, it’s more than I did before this. Hopefully this will help amend things.

Her name is Lena Everheart, she’s from the Cherokee tribe. She lived in Virjina, and is buried in Berryville. She’s my grandmother’s grandmother, and died when she was very young, so no one alive now really remembers her. But I want to remember her, I want to keep that part of my family alive, even if she isn’t.

I’m sorry for being racist, I don’t understand how I was being racist, and i want to learn to do better. So if you could extend some kindness and help teach me where I’m doing wrong and how to improve, I’d like it, and really want to. I don’t see that as being fragile, I see that as being mendable.

This is insane

[departmentofobjectoidstudy]

Rule #14: Gluing the letter T over the “go” in Dr. Fargo’s name is prohibited.

Art by MEATURCHIN

[departmentofobjectoidstudy]

The Everheart Amendment 51-75

Dr. Everheart is known to follow the DOS rules and regulations to the letter, but no further. If there isn't a rule against a specific action, he sees no wrong in doing it. Because of this outlook, there is a set of rules in the DOS guidelines that were implemented specifically because of him and his team (particularly Researcher Wylde). This ever-growing list of do's and don't's (but mostly don't's) is known colloquially as the "Everheart Amendment." It consists of rules put in place by the board of directors after having witnessed Dr. Everheart or his team members perform, plan to perform, or suggest/threaten to perform the actions mentioned within them.

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51. The board of directors are not to be referred to as the “fun police.” 52. Excessive use of brass instruments will result in said object being confiscated and possibly destroyed. a. This goes for woodwind and percussion instruments as well. 53. The Floor Is Lava is prohibited, excluding occasions where actual molten lava has been spilled on facility grounds. 54. Researchers are not allowed to disguise themselves as head scientists in order to access the head scientists' lounge. a. Nor is Dr. Oslac Everheart allowed to dress a researcher up as himself in order to avoid meetings. 55. DOS personnel are prohibited from telling civilians that birds are “cameras that work for the government.” 56. Nerf Guns are only permitted in the testing rooms for approved testing purposes. a. As are genuine firearms. 57. Dr. Oslac Everheart is not allowed to pose as Dr. Jude Everheart on any occasion. a. Nor is Dr. Oslac Everheart allowed to enlist Dr. Jude Everheart to pose as him so he can avoid meetings. 58. After the repeated incidents and mishaps, personnel are now banned from bringing baked beans to the facility. Editor's Note: I hope the Reddit Gold was worth it, Wylde. 59. New employees are not to be described as any species of simian. 60. Researchers are not allowed to edit the audio of test footage. a. They are especially prohibited from attaching sounds from "Ed Edd N Eddy" to test footage. 61. Dr. Oslac Everheart is not allowed to refer to any of his facilities as "The Land of Oz." a. Nor are any researchers. 62. Researchers are prohibited from writing “that’s wild” in the comment box on official data analysis documents. a. “That’s wylde” is also prohibited. 63. Vehicle objectoids are prohibited from being driven in facility halls. 64. Head scientists are not allowed to intimidate interns by claiming they will, "piss on your cat," "harvest your teeth," or "eat your girlfriend." a. Nor are head scientists allowed to tell interns to "say goodbye to your eyelashes." b. Nor can they threaten to "steal your bone marrow." c. Oslac, be nice to the interns. 65. Male researchers are not allowed to post "Girls Only" signs on the entrances to DOS facilities in order to get time off. a. Nor are they allowed to post "No Boys Allowed" signs. 66. Head scientists do not, and shall not, keep the heads of previous head scientists cryogenically frozen in the research center's basement. 67. Researchers outside of Dr. Everheart’s team are not “normies.” 68. “Wouldn’t you like to know” is not a proper response when asked about test or experiment results. 69. Dress code violation is not an assertion of dominance. 70. Scientists are not allowed to smuggle Nature Valley Crunch Bars into testing sites. 71. Board meeting guests may not bring wooden planks with faces drawn on them. 72. Head scientists may not purposefully "ghost" the board of directors, especially when they know they are doing something wrong. 73. Researchers are not allowed to run an OnlyFans account consisting of: pictures of Dr. Everheart asleep, pictures of Dr. Everheart from behind, pictures of Dr. Everheart drinking energy drinks, or pictures of Dr. Everheart pointing at the camera. a. Nor are they allowed to have an OnlyFans account consisting entirely of Dr. Everheart’s left hand. b. Researchers are no longer permitted to have an OnlyFans account. 74. "Ask for forgiveness, not for permission" is not the motto of any DOS research team, nor should it be treated as such. 75. The Cupid Shuffle is not an authorized mobility test. b. Nor is the Cha Cha Slide.

[departmentofobjectoidstudy]

Rule #95: "The vibes are off today" is not a valid excuse to not come to work.

Art by @sketchycc

[departmentofobjectoidstudy]

Rule #8: Researchers are prohibited from hanging "Local Wizard" plaque on or near the head scientists' door.

Art by myscatteredlife

[departmentofobjectoidstudy]

The Everheart Amendment 76-99

Dr. Everheart is known to follow the DOS rules and regulations to the letter, but no further. If there isn't a rule against a specific action, he sees no wrong in doing it. Because of this outlook, there is a set of rules in the DOS guidelines that were implemented specifically because of him and his team (particularly Researcher Wylde). This ever-growing list of do's and don't's (but mostly don't's) is known colloquially as the "Everheart Amendment." It consists of rules put in place by the board of directors after having witnessed Dr. Everheart or his team members perform, plan to perform, or suggest/threaten to perform the actions mentioned within them.

Previous - Next

76. Dr. Helen Fargo is prohibited from hiding Dr. Everheart’s Nintendo DS, Dr. Everheart's snacks, or any items within her cleavage. 77. Testing footage is not to be submitted to Tosh.0. a. Or Ridiculousness. b. Or America's Funniest Home Videos. c. Researcher Wylde, we’re warning you. 78. Subjects who successfully complete tests do not receive an item from a treasure box. a. Nor do they receive a sticker, candy bar, or lollipop. 79. Wearing a Burger King crown does not put you above the board of directors’ orders. 80. The DOS does not have scheduled musical number protocols. a. There is no "Everheart: the Musical" in production. 81. No facilities in the DOS Research Center are to be referred to as an "evil lair," "den of sin," or "man cave." 82. "There are no rules" is a false statement, and personnel may not misinform new employees by stating such a phrase. 83. "Rules are made to be broken" does not apply to the DOS or any of its employees. a. Neither does “rules schmules.” 84. Employees who are fired or laid off are not sent to the "Shadow Realm." 85. Personnel are not to use cardboard boxes to hide themselves when attempting to enter restricted areas. 86. Tin foil hats are prohibited in DOS facilities. a. As are any other clothing items that are made from tin foil. 87. None of the DOS personnel are to be referred to as “weapons of ass destruction.” 88. Personnel are prohibited from programming Doom onto any DOS technology. 89. Instructional briefs on combat-oriented tests are not to contain the phrase “if you die in the game, you die in real life.” 90. Researchers are prohibited from purposefully getting more rules added to the amendment in order to “hit the triple digits.” 91. Researcher William Wylde is not in any way related to or affiliated with an American rock musician, and is not allowed to promise autographs from said musician in exchange for favors. 92. Access badges are not to be given to Girl Scouts so they can sell cookies within secure DOS facilities. 93. Personnel are not to have their buttocks anywhere near open flames. 94. Subject #046 is not to be flipped upside down and spun on her propellers. a. Nor are regular DOS helicopters. 95. "The vibes are off today" is not a valid excuse to not come to work. 96. Fursuits and mascot costumes are strictly prohibited from being worn on facility grounds. 97. Breaking three rules in a row does not result in a free sundae. 98. The head scientist's orders do not take priority over the listed rules. 99. Employees can not use "Oz-Bucks" they saved up to bypass any rules. a. They can not bypass this rule, either.

[departmentofobjectoidstudy]

The Everheart Amendment 1-50

Dr. Everheart is known to follow the DOS rules and regulations to the letter, but no further. If there isn't a rule against a specific action, he sees no wrong in doing it. Because of this outlook, there is a set of rules in the DOS guidelines that were implemented specifically because of him and his team (particularly Researcher Wylde). This ever-growing list of do's and don't's (but mostly don't's) is known colloquially as the "Everheart Amendment." It consists of rules put in place by the board of directors after having witnessed Dr. Everheart or his team members perform, plan to perform, or suggest/threaten to perform the actions mentioned within them.

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Scientists are prohibited from listing the DOS research center as their home address (even if they hardly ever leave and are willing to pay rent).

Nothing in the research center is to utilize the numbers "420" or "69" unless in sequential order or scientifically accurate. a. Nor is anything to be labelled "over 9000.”

Head scientists do not have the authority to implement Bring Your Pet to Work Days. a. Nor Bring Your Child to Work Days, Bring your Parents to Work Days, or any other variant of people or animals that should not be at the workplace.

Casual Fridays are not to violate public decency laws.

Head scientists are not allowed to pose as other head scientists in order to conduct tests on their subjects.

"Bees?" is never a valid suggestion. For anything.

Head scientists are not permitted to appoint stuffed animals as field researchers. a. Nor figurines, dolls, or statuettes. b. Nor anything inanimate.

Researchers are prohibited from hanging "Local Wizard" plaque on or near the head scientists' door. a. Or "Resident Warlock." b. Or "God."

Medical professionals within the facility are not to be referred to as "Dr. Feelgood."

Researchers are not to refer to subjects as "sacrificial lambs.” a. Nor are head scientists.

Head scientists are not authorized to fire other head scientists. a. Nor are researchers.

Researchers are no longer allowed to wear cat-ear headbands, bunny-ear ribbons, or any accessories of that nature.

Head scientists are prohibited from call blocking the board of directors.

Gluing the letter T over the “go” in Dr. Fargo’s name is prohibited. a. Gluing the T over the "go" in Director Fargo's name is even more so.

Cats are not allowed in the facility, even if the head scientist permits it.

Researchers may not "roll for persuasion" when making requests to head scientists. a. Head scientists may not accept these rolls as decision-making conventions.

Male scientists are not permitted to wear a dress to formal events.

Brand objectoids are not “shiny objectoids.”

None of the members of the board are old enough to have fought in the civil war, and scientists are not permitted to claim that they did. a. Nor are they allowed to imply that they did.

The DOS was not founded by Hatsune Miku. a. Nor was it founded by “Dr. Dio Ess.”

Head scientists do not have the authority to promise a position on the board of directors in exchange for potential subjects' consent to be tested upon.

Researchers are not allowed to use any claims (false or otherwise) that their father works for Nintendo as a means to exploit their coworkers.

Betting pools on employees' age, sexuality, availability, size of any body part, number of siblings, ability to cook, or social security number are strictly prohibited, even if the head scientist participates.

Researchers are prohibited from referring to head scientists as "evil scientists," "mad scientists" or "mad lads.” a. Or “Science Daddy.”

Researchers are not Dr. Everheart’s “mini-me’s.” a. Nor are they “minions.”

Scientists are not allowed to drink Dos Equis beer on facility grounds, even though it has “DOS” in the name.

Scientists are prohibited from moving the vending machines, especially to testing sites or their offices.

The board of directors are not to be referred to as "The Brainy Bunch" on official documentation.

Head scientists may not conduct tests meant for objectoids on their researchers without their knowledge, even if they need a control group.

Researchers are prohibited from swapping Dr. Everheart's energy drinks with flavored sparkling water in order to get the day off.

Tap-dancing shoes are prohibited.

“Making a fucky wucky" is not an appropriate explanation for a test’s failure.

Researchers may not act as Dr. Everheart's back-up singer, even if it's an order from him.

Researchers may not refer to their research team as "The Boys” on official documentation.

Researchers are not allowed to lure objectoids (or humans) to the DOS by using candy, money, jewels, or pornographic magazines.

Test dummies are not "The corpses of D-Class objectoids."

Due to last year’s short circuit that resulted in a massive power outage, holiday decorations are now limited to one plug-in light fixture per room.

Mistletoe being hung over lab entrances and doorways will be taken down immediately.

Utilizing a 12-outlet power strip is not to be seen as a challenge.

Dr. Everheart is not the "final boss" of anything. a. Nor is he the "CEO of Science.”

Physical athletics tests are not to be set up like courses from Wipeout.

Cartwheeling through the hallways is prohibited.

Head scientists are not allowed to wear a Saw mask when running tests.

Nobody is allowed to have a gaming chair in the facility.

Scientists may not use petri dishes to hold any sort of sauces or condiments.

Researcher William Wylde is prohibited from referring to himself as “Wylde Willy” on official documentation.

Any sort of fungi growing in the corners of facility rooms are to be reported to maintenance, not used for cooking.

After repeated offenses of personnel throwing toy Poké Balls at objectoid subjects, anything that so much as resembles said item will be confiscated.

Cicadas are not allowed inside the facility.

The word "objectify," and all forms of it, are banned from being used in the context of objectoid subjects on official documentation.

[bottomtierbup]

The image attached is proof that this rule should be removed.

LOOK AT HIM.

Rule #17: Male scientists are not permitted to wear a dress to formal events.

art by: rabbitjaguar

[departmentofobjectoidstudy]

Reply from Dr. Everheart:

I was deemed too distracting.

Rule #17: Male scientists are not permitted to wear a dress to formal events.

art by: rabbitjaguar