#eventually i realized i was going to drive myself mad because i know only the basics of spanish and even less of japanese

[merge-conflict]

wip wednesday

got tagged by @wanderingaldecaldo :3

been.. well not exactly procrastinating on the longfic. some of what i've been doing is working on some sequel scenes so I can anchor where everyone is going to end up and make sure I haven't forgotten to add any threads I'm going to want to use later. so with the knowledge that this scene will almost certainly not survive in its current form when I get there...

---

V returned with the woman who had met her at the ofrenda– his interface confirmed what he already knew– it was Guadalupe Alejandra Welles herself. She was smaller than he had expected, but it would be a mistake to underestimate her, he was certain. A woman who had suffered the loss of her son in an assault on Arasaka and was bold enough to then track him down and demand that loss be honored was not someone to to be taken lightly. He rose to his feet to greet them.

“Mamá,” V said, speaking Spanish in a low, soft tone he’d never heard from her before. “This is Takemura.”

“Escorted you personally?” Guadalupe regarded him with restrained disapproval. “What a gentleman.”

“A perfect gentleman,” V said, a faint smile forming on her lips.

“It is good to meet you,” Goro said, with a polite bow.

Guadalupe made a dismissive gesture, switching to English. “There’s only one thing I need to know: were you the one that killed my son?” She held his gaze without flinching.

“No,” he said. “We did not meet.”

“Good.” She relaxed, and in so doing gave him a glimpse of the exhausted and grieving woman underneath her steely composure. V looked mortified and miserable with guilt, and she added more gently, “Sit down, mije.”

V looked to Goro and he moved instinctively, gently guiding her to sit down at the bench he had just vacated. Her hand on his wrist lingered, the barest pressure pulling him down along beside her: gravity which he did not want to escape. She leaned in and pressed her forehead against his, jaw clamped together so tightly he heard her teeth creaking. He wanted to reassure her that she did not have to hide her tears, but did not trust his voice.

“Jesucristo. You’re as big a fool as Jackie. Bigger.”

[mrsriddlenott]

I just had this random thought of AngryBF!Harry x Fem!reader where she helps him through his anger in many ways.

masterlist

Warnings: Smut. Anger. Aggressive Sex.

“I just can’t get a break. I went all summer without a scrap of news, I’m behind on all my class work, and now Ron and Hermione seem to think I’m a bloody DADA teacher.” You and Harry sat on the edge of his bed as Harry held his head in his hands ranting. “It was all luck, why cant they get that. It’s not like I have any control over my life and when I’ll be attacked next.”

You and Harry had only been dating since the Yule Ball but were serious nonetheless. When he would need comfort after the death of Cedric Diggory and when no one could properly owl him, you were there. You were the guide that kept him from making too much of a scene, but with Umbridge pushing Harry every second with detention after detention, and denying every part of what happened last year, Harry was on edge even with you.

“Harry, you have to see where they’re coming from don’t you?”

“Not you too! Merlin of all people I thought you’d understand y/n!” Harry snapped often these days, you knew it wasn’t necessarily his words, you just wished he could calm down.

“I do understand Harry, but if I’m not going to be of any help, I’ll just go.”

“No y/n/n, you know thats not what I meant. I just can’t get even a bit of control anymore and it’s driving me mad.” And with that, you suddenly had an idea.

“Well, I can think of ways you can gain control cant you?” At the change in your tone Harry finally lifted his head to see you.

“What are you implying Darling?” His narrowing eyes were already dark with anger and he seemed unable to focus.

“Well I was thinking, next time you’re all strung out like this, you can always come to me. Don’t sit and yell at Umbridge just to get stuck in detention when you could be spending your time with me, Love.”

“Yeah, I like that idea y/n” Harry didn’t take a second to think it over as he seemed to light up with a bright smile, already over his prior annoyances.

At first it wasn’t anything inappropriate, after classes Harry would often storm into your dorm or pull you into his, already yelling about a DA meeting or something Snape or Umbridge did. You’d simply talk and cuddle until he was okay. Eventually Harry realized just how distracting kissing you was and before long would have you pinned to a wall with his lips on your neck at least once a week. When he had noticed how exhilarating it felt to be able to grab you from anywhere in the castle and drag you to his dorm just because he was mad, he simply couldn’t stop. He absolutely adored when you’d let go of control just for him.

And thats how you ended up here, on hands and knees in front of your very angry boyfriend.

“No one ever fucking listens, no one lets me speak…except you of course, hands.” His voice softened as he spoke directly to you. While you laid your hands on your naked back, laying yourself forward onto his bed, Harry took both your hands in one of his as the other lined himself up at your entrance, slowly letting his tip ease into you.

“I have less and less time for myself, I just want to be able to do what I want whenever I want,” Without warning Harry slammed into you fully, pushing himself forward and resting his bare chest on your back, lips next to your ear as he spoke, “That’s you of course.”

“Are you okay still? You remember what to say if you don’t want to continue, yes?” You nodded your head from where it was on his pillow, “Words Darling.”

“Yes, I say Snitch.” You were breathless already as you uncontrollably clenched around him, forcing a sharp sigh from the boy above you.

“Good girl” Harry whispered as he started an unrelenting pace, straightening himself and pushing your abdomen down with his hand on yours.

“You’re perfect y’know that? Bloody perfect stress reliever you are.” He laughed softly as his free hand roamed up and down your side.

He was pounding into you so hard his bed shook and the curtains began to part on their own. The sound of wet skin slapping together and your moans of Harry’s name filled the room.

He drove into you with force you had never felt before, he was quickly forcing you into your orgasm as his pace remained fast and hard against your g-spot.

“Fuck I wann- Ahh Fuck y/n I wanna look at you when I come.” Harry released your hands and held your waist tightly as he flipped you around plowing himself back in as if he never left.

Harry smoothed the hair off your sweaty forehead, keeping eye contact and smiling softly, before bending down to kiss you aggressively on the lips. His and your own moans being drowned by each others lips as he came inside you, your juices mixing as they slid out around him.

“Fuck, I’ve needed this all week,” Harry sighed breathlessly as he rested his head on your chest, not making any attempt of pulling out. As he yawned, you slipped your fingers through his messy hair smiling and breathing heavily, “I love you Harry”

“I love you too Darling”

~~

Feedback??

Requests??

[pbandjesse]

Today was a long day. But I had fun. And thankfully I didn't feel sick. I am tired but I'm doing a lot better then yesterday.

I slept okay. I changed blankets and I think that helped. But there was a lot of noise outside again. The recycling truck came at like 6am?? And it felt like it was just parked out front of our house and it was so loud. Not amazing.

But I did fall back asleep. And was able to sleep until 7.

When I woke up James was sitting at our desk and they came over and gave me a hug and it was so nice. We talked about how weird it was that the trash truck came so early. And then I went to get ready.

I wore my short overalls today because I didn't realize how chilly it was going to be this morning. But I did wear knee socks and a sweatshirt (I changed into a fleece when I got to camp) and was pretty comfortable overall.

Other drivers stressed me out hardcore. After I left the house, giving James a kiss goodbye, I got in the car and took my time getting ready to go.

It's always tough turning out of our street. I waited my turn and I was up next and the person behind me pulled around me!!!! It was so dangerous and so incredibly entitled. And worse we would end up next to each other at every single light for the next few miles. And I was so fucking mad but also trying to not look at them because I was just so angry. I just wanted to get to the highway and be away from them because I was shaking I was so mad and also didn't want to feel like that!! I hate feeling so deregulated that early in the day.

The rest of the drive was fine. And I got to camp and went right to art to collect my materials. And decided to drive them over to the trading post where I would be leading the program. And eventually went to the office to have breakfast and chill.

Everyone was supposed to come through at 930. I took a walk over to the lodge to move the table carts since it is probably not the best idea to move the big tables myself. It's hard to balance what I should and shouldnt do these days. But it felt like it wouldn't be a good idea.

While I was over there I noticed that the stove top looked like it was on? But it was actually the pilot lights being very very tall? So I called Heather for her opinion and she told me to check with Joe. Who eventually would tell me they got taller after it was serviced this summer but it seems wrong to me. But he knows better then I would so I left that and walked back to the office to sit with Heather.

Her birthday was yesterday and she said she had a really nice weekend celebrating. We talked about my job plans for the next year. Being available only as needed and not every day. Picking up different job shifts at the museum and other things I may focus on. She made me feel very supported.

And when we saw Gabe from indigo's car I would go over to the lodge to meet him.

I was frustrated that the other puhtok staff were still not there. They were supposed to be in at 930. They would actually roll up after 10. After me and Gabe had already finished setting up the 10 tables and 80 chairs. I was not happy with them at all. But I tried to be chill and told them what they would need to do. I tried to take charge because no one else was going to. Elizabeth is sick and Sarah is stuck in Tampa. Hopefully she's made it out by now, as she left at 2am. But with the traffic jams because of the storm I am pretty worried about her.

The day would go really well though. The kindergartners were so lovely. And I had a lot of fun hanging out with them.

We started in the amphitheater with their normal intro, warming up bodies and giving rules about being in charge of your body and not touching anyone else's. We were originally going to break into 5 groups but the teachers asked to do 3 so they could stay with their classes. Fair but man those are big groups. But it would go early because fine. I just had to talk really loud.

I took the biggest group. With 25 kids and 6 adults. And I think we had a lot of fun. We talked about mushrooms. We identified ferns and spice berries. We pet carpet moss and turkey tail mushrooms. We talked about how we identify dead trees and what termite damage looks like. And it was just really fun. I don't think it was my best hike every, mainly because I don't think the end of the line could always hear me. But I did my best and I had a lot of fun.

When we got to the Glen Gabe took over to lead a scavenger hunt. Half the group had to use the bathroom though so I would take them back up the hill to go to the latrines. And when we were done there we would walk back down to meet the group and then walked to lunch. And I tried to stop where we could to point things out. And then took them to the field. Where I decided to pass off leading the group to Gabe so I didn't have to backtrack to the office and have my lunch. He was chill about it. And I said I would see them after.

My lunch was okay. Could have used a sauce but was fine. I ate and watched some TikToks and sat on the porch. It was warm enough that I could leave my fleece. And would head to the trading post to do my project.

And it was really fun. I made some examples. A girl in a dress, a turtle, a kitty, some butterflies. And the kids were really into it! Not all of them understood exactly and we're mainly just flying down leaves. But overall it was a really positive experience and they looked like they had fun.

We would run out of glue right before 2. Which was perfect and let me clean up and head out. I needed to get out of there by 215 so that I could go home and change and charge my phone before going to the museum. I let Adam from indigo know. And would text Tony. I figured I set up everything, the others could put the tables and chairs away.

But apparently not? I heard back from Tony that he had to leave for his other job too. Okay. So I texted Nick. He was the one driving Tony. So I gave up. I let Elizabeth and Heather know I wasn't sure if things were cleaned up and apologized for that.

But I couldn't stay.

I would get home before 3. Which just gave me enough time to change and charge my phone. I took ten minutes to sit down and fixed my makeup. I felt kind of uncomfortable but I figured I just needed to eat.

My plan was to go to Jimmy John's before the museum. And Im so glad I did. It was exactly what I wanted. I got stuck in a little traffic but I got to the shopping center with plenty of time to eat there. I listened to a podcast and enjoyed my sandwich and felt a lot better.

And I would have a pretty excellent evening. It really would have only been improved by more people coming back to the galleries.

When I got there I gave James lots of hugs and went to set up a chase for printing. I chatted with Meril and Jesse. And later I would get my very own key for the museum and I'm thrilled about that.

But not a lot of people came back to the galleries. Even though they set up a bar back there! So I would chat with the bar tender for a while. I would have about ten or so people come back who were awesome though.

I had like a 15 minute conversation with a couple who were fascinated by everything. By the machines. By the prints and blocks. Even by me. I would print off some of our image blocks special for them. And told them all about my background and how I ended up here. How I get to work with my husband sometimes. And it was just really great. And when no one was back there I just printed or sat on my stool and chilled. Meril would come check on me but mainly I was just hanging out.

I did have one surprising conversation. A man came in and said his wife used to do letter press but she stopped when she was pregnant because she couldn't touch the lead. What???! This was not something I had considered at all. Should I not be in this room?? Like I'm careful, I wash my hands after. I don't put things in my mouth. But I guess the whole room is technically contaminated. I texted James. And they also become concerned. So I would send a message to my OB office to see what they think.

At 7 I would clean up. And hung out talking to Meril about my hopes for my job over the next year. Very similar to my conversation with Heather. And Meril has such similar energy and makes me feel so listened to. I'm really glad we get to work in this department together, she's really great.

She would run over to their office to bring me my new front door key. She made a big show of giving it to me which was super sweet. And soon I was heading out. See you guys in a few days.

I got stuck in the parking lot because people were confused about where the road was. But it was okay. I got out of there. I almost forgot the groceries James bought and left in the fridge for me to bring home but I didn't forget. And I asked James to please have cream cheese wontons ready for me when I got home.

Traffic was bad again and other drivers were terrible. On our block again!! When someone passed around me when I was about to turn into the alley. They are so lucky I wasn't making a quick turn because that was insane and could have been so bad. I had to take a moment to collect myself.

But I parked and came inside and was super happy to see Sweetp and James. We hugged. Then we picked up Sweetp and hugged with him between us and he hated that. James showed me that the other set of curtains came and they would put those up. I'm very pleased about that.

I had my wontons. And came upstairs to sip water. I would eventually go back down to tell James my fears and thoughts about the hurricane. And how it brings up my fears about having to evacuate and what I might grab and take with us. How I want to get a travel container for Crabcake, like we have one for Sweetp. We should have a way to transport everyone in an emergency. It's important.

But now I'm back in bed. Finishing this post. I'm going to take a shower and get ready for bed. Tomorrow I am probably staying home. I told Heather to let me know if I'm needed because if not I have things I would like to work on here. Specifically I want to make more plushies. I haven't made new ones in months and my supplies are low. So wish me luck with that. I hope I have motivation tomorrow.

I also hope you all have a good evening. Sleep well and be safe. Goodnight!!

[celestialbooks]

The Grace Year -- Book Review

No one speaks of the grace year. It’s forbidden.

In Garner County, girls are told they have the power to lure grown men from their beds, to drive women mad with jealousy. They believe their very skin emits a powerful aphrodisiac, the potent essence of youth, of a girl on the edge of womanhood. That’s why they’re banished for their sixteenth year, to release their magic into the wild so they can return purified and ready for marriage. But not all of them will make it home alive.

Sixteen-year-old Tierney James dreams of a better life—a society that doesn’t pit friend against friend or woman against woman, but as her own grace year draws near, she quickly realizes that it’s not just the brutal elements they must fear. It’s not even the poachers in the woods, men who are waiting for a chance to grab one of the girls in order to make a fortune on the black market. Their greatest threat may very well be each other.

With sharp prose and gritty realism, The Grace Year examines the complex and sometimes twisted relationships between girls, the women they eventually become, and the difficult decisions they make in-between.

The Grace Year by Kim Ligget has to be one of the most wonderfully written books I've come across in a while. I'll be thinking about this book and what I read in these pages for a long time, and I can't even bring myself to be mad about it. This book was horrifying and breath-defying all at once, and was written in such a haunting, beautiful, and delicate way, that it's hard to put the book down. The atmosphere is tense and heat-pounding and emotional - so emotional that I had to take a break in the middle and remind myself that The Grace Year wasn't real. Some really horrifying things that happen in this book, and though to the very last page, no one is guaranteed a happily ever after, I've never felt more hopeful and proud to be a girl as I was when I turned the final page.

"Maybe the reason no one speaks of the grace year is because of us. How could the men live among us, lie with us, let us care for their children, knowing the horrors we inflict upon one another... alone... in the wilderness... in the dark?"

I think that this book is so important, both for women and men to read, but I think it will most probably appeal to women more; just because of the inherently darkly feminist feel of the book.

"The things we do to girls. Whether we put them on pedestals only to tear them down, or use them for parts and holes, we're all complicit in this. But everything touches everything else and I have to believe that some good will come out of all this destruction. The men will never end the grace year. But maybe we can."

The Grace Year touches on some very heavy themes. But I believe that each reader should go into this book with an open mind, because minds aren't the only thing that will be opened after this book.

My Review: 4.8

Goodreads Review: 4.15

[artpoint420]

Alright, so if you’re a fan of the Animaniacs here on Tumblr, you probably understand that all three of the Warner’s are most likely neurodivergent, and Dr. Scratchansniff trying to “cure” them of their “zanyness” is an example of abelism (as well as the rest of the humans who want to lock them up.)

BUT WHAT IF I TOLD YOU

I think Dr. Scratchansniff himself may be autistic, and here’s why:

First of all, he is a psychiatrist who has been with the Warner’s for sometime and doesn’t seem to realize the Warner’s are neurodivergent (most likely ADHD and autism in all three of them.)

He gets overwhelmed by the Warners when they throw off his plans and his schedule.

Those on the autism spectrum tend to prefer following a set schedule and doing this according to a plan. When this plan is interrupted we get upset. For Scratchy this may be when the Warners are being to hyperactive and hyperimaginative for them to even want to answer his questions. I get that the joke is supposed to be that he’s a psychiatrist driven insane by the Warners but for me the best way to describe feeling overstimulated is “being driven insane by everything around me”

He also tends to get overstimulated, particularly in “I’M MAD!” when the Warners are bickering in the car while he’s trying to drive. Of course most people struggle to drive with tons of background noise. This just sticks out to me, even though it isn’t the first time.

Also, special interests. Scratchy definitely has special interests that he seems to get lost in. Psychiatry is a special interest of his, obviously. Once he starts having appointments with the Warners everyday, we get to see that the Warners are consistently on his mind (just like how they are always on my mind because special interest yes). Part of this may be because he gradually took on a more parental role towards them, but this could also be because he began to develop a special interest in caring for them. Perhaps his own neurodivergence is the reason he was able to eventually sympathize and care for the Warners.

If you read the Animanicas comics, there is an issue, were we see Scratchy reading a comic in his spare time. This is particularly interesting because not only are those on the spectrum more prone to develop and interest in comics, but when he begins to talk about comics to the Warner’s he knows the entire history of comics down to a tee. He begins to infodump onto the Warners and doesn’t realize when they are annoyed or bored because for some reason they find the history of comics boring. Scratch that, HE BECOMES SO ABSORBED IN IT, HE DOESN’T REALIZE WHEN THE WARNERS LEAVE.

Wrestling is probably a special interest of his too, as well as psychology of course.

Also, like I mentioned earlier, he obvious struggles with anxiety, a mental disorder those on the autism spectrum are more likely to develop due to social and communciation issues and the after effects of overstimulation. This can be observed in his body language and how he reacts to Plotz as well, causing him to become a pushover to his boss.

He also age regresses when he is overly stressed out and even has a comfort object (something that I’ve personally observed in others on the autism spectrum and have experienced myself to a certain degree, I’m still not sure if it’s always autism related though)

In the reboot it’s revealed he waited 20 years just to prank the Warners. The prank seems to have become a special interest and they should have done more with Reboot Scratchy.

Going back and watching episodes with Scratchy with this in mind, his behaviors and general attitude towards the Warners makes a TON of sense. He’s annoyed by them but ultimately wants to get along with them.

To me it makes Dad! Scatchansniff even more wholesome. It’ll never happen but one day I’d love to see an episode where he just accepts the Warners for who they are and perhaps, in the process, accepting himself a little more.

[usedtobekrampus]

Had to get iup in the middle of the night and write this one down, I don't have anywhere else to

I just had a dream where me (played by Timmy Solidarity) and my dad were on a cross country road trip in the middle of winter in a red van, and he was driving really crazy. I was in third person, but i could still feel my legs hitting trees astraly.

meanwhile a plane has been highjacked by its own pilot and is on a joy ride, slowly getting more and more damaged, but all the plane segmens look 3D animated for some reason.

the van eventually stops in a very small town with no snow, like its literally about 16 houses max, only one of the two roads is paved, and we all both get out and go to a block party.

The plain has taken a blow to the windshield and needs to land, so they emergency land/crash right towards the town.

But it touches down on a hill, the unpaved road in fact, so the crash is pretty tame and there was a stressful moment where I didn't know if the plane would stop in time. It fell apart and there was a POV shot of a chunk skidding towards the party, but it was reveled to be just a cardboard box.

At the party, I follow my dad around the side of the building where he starts picking up handfuls of toads from a pile and tossing them on the roof. And they were casualy getting down but there was a bunch of snakes up there as well that kept grabing the toads as they jumped of the roof, so it ended up with them sort creating a stalactite of snakes and toads that was at a near perfect diagonal.

my brother reached out for it Michaelangelo's Creation stye, but at the end of it was a small alligator which tried to bite his hand.

Than the dream shifted and I woke myself up because I was mad about a reddit poast where someone realized that by complete coincidence, they had suplexed the same ostrich twice in their life.

[josiedoe]

funny weird fursona from ages past hours while i wanna take this opportunity to share my art, i kinda also wanna reach out to everybody who had cringy neon old fursonas and oc's that they're embarrassed of or feel like they need to shittalk every time they mention them bc "theyre totally better at making characters now i swear!" this is my fursona splash. i've changed sonas a few times, but none of them will be as important to me as her. she's not there yet, but next year in february, on my birthday, she will be 9 years old. i made her feb 22nd of 2015, my 9th birthday. i stopped using her eventually, because i thought i'd grown out of her. i used to show her to people and laugh about how stereotypical of a mary sue she was, how she had a demon AND angel form, how i'd ship her with characters from whatever media i was interested in at the time, how she had super secret sparkle powers that could do anything and how she's "not me anymore" then i remembered how crushed i felt when my friends at the time first started calling her one. i was knee deep at that point in thinking mary sues were dumb, and felt really bad about it when a friend said she was a huge mary sue and how i should probably change her. they even got mad when i said i didnt want to and told me i "couldn't take criticism". ive tried so hard over the years to distance myself from her while trying not to be too hard on her, to enjoy her in an "ironic, more experienced way" and regard her as what NOT to do.

this is the first ever drawing i did of her. another oc of mine turns 9 on my bday, and ill do art of her too, but this is where i made her. she was a drawing of firestar that i got bored drawing and decided to slap some neons on from the ms paint advanced preset colors. as you can see, she hasn't really changed much. her name used to be colordrop, because i had a stuffed bunny around that time with the same name. i think i renamed her to splash because i liked splashkittyartist. is the art good? no. did i really care? not really! i didnt even know it was bad at the time, because it honestly wasn't. i just wasn't as far in my art journey as i am now. im glad i never deleted my deviantart account, and i plan at some point to go through and save the images that are important to me on a google drive of some kind. aslong as im able to remember and keep her, she's an important part of myself. she's still me, just from a different time, and also so much more than that. im not sad about her, not in a nostalgic "i wish i could go back way". im happy, if anything, because i only recently realized we shared a birthday. isn't that cool? to not only have an oc that was made on your birthday, but reaches milestones with you? when she turns 18, i'll be 27. when she's 27, i'll be 36. i think that's pretty neat. i think it's important for every artist, if they struggle with this, to look for their old oc's and fursonas and whatnot from when they were kids and instead of looking at them through a lens of "im better now, do you see how bad i used to be at this whole character making thing though? its funny.", instead be kind to your old creations and go "wow, i had alot of fun with you. i wonder if i can have even more." if you're able to, start using them again. write with them again, even if its small and silly and more out of whimsy and joy than actual plot development. i implore you to be kinder to kid you. even if kid you wasn't very kind themselves. if you would look at another kids drawing and oc and go "wow thats amazing! you're so creative!", then you should regard what you made then with the same enthusiasm. put your own work on the fridge if nobody else did. anyways, ramble over. i'm very passionate about this subject because i lived it, and i deeply enjoy reclaiming what i was made to feel embarrassed of. so moon darkraven, demon wolf with an anime scythe and scene bangs and red eyes and neon colors that don't mix, i think you're doing great. i hope you're doing well, wherever you are now, and that so is the person who made you. happy early birthday to me and my special little gal

[running-on-a-broken-record]

Poor Hermit! Hopefully he can eventually sleep it off.

What does Madpat do when officers enter his restaurant. Just to eat or for important business, it’s completely up to you!

(Absolutely adoring this blog btw)

Thank you 🩷

I have actually wondered this myself so I have an… almost uncomfortable amount of detail for this one. I would say I’m sorry but I’m not :)

Initially, he’s definitely going to be freaked out. We see how in Web of Lies, the restaurant isn’t exactly… clean of evidence, so even a small inspection is bound to reveal a little bit of the crimes that have been committed in that maze of halls (please say I’m clever for that reference I really try 😭)

The police officers are there on their lunch break, just hanging out, hoping to check out the restaurant that they’ve heard has good pizza, so long as you overlook the mess (but hey, it’s a children’s restaurant, what’re you gonna do?)

They’re still in uniform for their break, so as soon as Mad sees them, he thinks they’re out to get him. A million possibilities run through his mind. Did he let something slip??

He watches them, kind of stalker-like, just to see what they’re doing, and when they find an open seat and sit down, just the three of them, he’s relieved.

Before he realizes that can be just as dangerous if they see something they shouldn’t.

He takes the time to introduce himself, welcome them to the restaurant, ask what their business is— just to be absolutely certain that they aren’t here for anything malicious.

He refuses to let any other employees speak to the group. He and only he is allowed to approach them, no matter what. The employees know too much. And he can’t trust them to be smart enough to shut their mouths.

He tries to hide his feelings about the police in the pizzeria, but he isn’t exactly stellar at it. Especially with how much he wants them out, before they find something they shouldn’t. Even still, he provides decent customer service as the owner of the place.

Got to keep up a good reputation. But not good enough for them to come back. Like, ever.

I can see him giving them the worst pizza they have at the time so they dislike it and decide the place is a dump, but I doubt he’d go so far as to mess up the order completely.

Unless he was really desperate to get them out. Which, honestly, he could be.

He’s very, very snappy with the staff while the officers are in the building. They’re used to him being stern about keeping a good reputation for the restaurant— gotta keep bringing in customers— but when he’s stressed like this? They make one mistake and they’re as good as dead.

(They better pray he won’t kill them, because we know he can 🙏🏻)

But anyway. When he finally, finally gets them out, his anxiety goes away, but his paranoia does not. For the next couple days, maybe a week, he’s convinced that they saw something. A tiny blood stain on a wall, something just… off about the animatronics, really anything.

Every day, every time someone walks in the door, he has to look to see who it is because he’s convinced the cops are back and they’re coming to arrest him. The other workers get rather freaked out when he just stares at the door for long periods of time. (When I tell you he’s paranoid, I mean it)

It almost definitely drives him mad (I am so funny) and he thinks about, uh… having another kid go “missing”, before the logical part of his brain takes over and realizes that is just one more thing that will give the cops reason to come back for something more than just a lunch break visit.

And then, when he doesn’t see them back again for a while, he returns to his regular schedule. The employees, if no one else, are glad he’s back to normal.

Maybe, just maybe, after another week or so of no unsolicited police visits, he’ll let out all his frustration from that week and finally have his way with the chainsaw.

[the-insomniac-emporium]

Remembering my grandpa: the coolest guy I've ever met

so, like, still haven't processed what happened. that's honestly pretty typical for me, it's something I used to feel really guilty about (everybody around me would be crying, and I wouldn't actually feel those emotions for upwards of a year), and I've gotten better at addressing what's under the surface before it gets to the point of a breakdown. there are several reasons for why my biggest personal metaphor for grief is as follows

our love is a garden; this grief is a seed

mostly been keeping myself busy, just cleaned most of the kitchen in one go, probably going to clean my room later today. also been thinking a lot about how incredibly cool my grandpa was. he's genuinely one of the most rad people I've ever had the chance to meet, and I don't even know all of his stories!!! just gonna ramble about him for a bit

dropped out of high school (and later got his GED) because WW2 was happening and he enlisted (either lied about his age or was just barely old enough). got recognition for his marksmanship skills, and (forgive me for not knowing his official rank/title) even ended up being a sort of guard for a high ranking officer. I remember being told that when they had to drive somewhere, Gramps was the guy with a scoped rifle keeping an eye out for trouble, ready to counter ambushes or something like that.

(the point is that I haven't heard the details since I was a kid, but his rifle skills were incredible, especially considering his age at the time)

known for drinking Respect Women Juice and being a stand-up guy. I've read some of his memoirs (not published, but they might be at some point, I'll let y'all know), and he talks about how mad he was at my grandma's dad (his eventual father-in-law) because the FIL was soooo excited to have "man time" with Gramps, after already having treated Grandma like the son he would have preferred, and Gramps couldn't understand why FIL wasn't appreciating the incredible woman that Grandma was. seriously, Grandma was also a badass, an equally incredible sharpshooter who only quit competing (having reached the highest level for women in the US) because she realized in order to keep winning she'd have to actually put time and effort into getting better. also she was a great cook, apparently. had a real temper tho

Anyway, there's also some other stuff about his respect for women, but that involves a bit of family drama with other relatives that I don't want to get into online. The gist is that he went out of his way to make sure that several women in the family got treated fairly, especially when some people weren't properly appreciating the work of a stay-at-home mom.

He was an active scuba diver for many, many years, and several of his longest friends were met via the hobby. at one point, he even worked with several of them to buy a large amount of land on San Juan Island (of the San Juan Islands), where they divided it up and all built houses together. I have many memories of going to visit during the summer, and honestly it was really impressive what they built together. Grandpa also loved kayaking, and even dabbled in making kayaks!

Putting more under the break because I recognize this is lot

In order to get to San Juan Island, most people take a big ol ferry. during an incident that got a fair bit of coverage in the local newspapers, my Grandpa was taking the ferry when he realized someone in the distance was in trouble (small boat, might have gotten flipped or something, again don't remember all the details). Grandpa was quick to take action, got the attention of the ferry's crew, and was able to arrange a rescue. If he hadn't noticed the boat, chances are the person/people would have died.

Gramps was very active even up into his mid-to-late eighties (genuinely very fit and healthy until his kidneys started failing), and had some fun ventures as part of a historical group that went around the San Juan Islands finding old map markers/territory markers (god, I wish I remember the right word) and using modern tech to record their exact locations. It was like a scavenger hunt, almost, using old/outdated maps to find these things.

He was also an official boat inspector for Friday Harbor (the main part of San Juan Island) for several years, and was recognized for his hard work/the sheer number of inspections he did.

On top of all of this, my Grandpa was genuinely one of the warmest, funniest guys around. If someone asked me to think of an example of healthy romantic love, I would think about my Grandpa and my step-grandma. Then I'd think about my brother and his gf but that's a whole other thing. Grandpa was full of love, and had no qualms with showing it, using his musical talent for serenading her (he also joined in during the family gathering jam sessions). The way he looked at her will be forever engraved in my memory, full of love and full of life.

There are plenty more stories about Grandpa, some of which I just never heard, and some of which I have simply forgotten. I'm gonna miss him.

[romantic-reveries]

Today was way more emotionally taxing than I would’ve expected, considering.

I spent the day with him. And it was fantastic and lovely and everything I wanted it to be except the part where we (he) is still no closer to figuring out the future. I thought… I thought that’s what this trip was for.

He brought it up before we even kissed. I’d been feeling it all day, and I thought it was the same fear of abandonment I’d been contending with all week that had me fighting the urge tooth and nail not to call it off. But he asked how I saw this—us—working. I don’t know, so I asked him. He said him not wanting to do long distance is hard, and me not driving makes it even harder. When I mentioned my grandma would drive me—she did with my ex, or met him halfway—he said that was a big ask. And he’s not wrong, but… that’s the only way it would work. I like to hope I’ll drive at some point, and maybe that’s motivation to try harder to overcome the fear, but… I mean, even if I drove, you have to drive through Atlanta to get to him, and that’s a huge ask for someone who has spent this long terrified of driving. If he lived on this side of Atlanta, maybe.

I mostly don’t understand, though. He knew that before he came. I didn’t hide it from him. He made it sound like we needed to talk about it in person, like he wanted to see what the commute was like, see if it was the same in person as it has been on the phone, but there isn’t much to say to that—him not wanting it and it being inconvenient seems pretty unmalleable. So why did he come? What was the point? When we talked about us meeting, it was always in the context of it being the next logical step to figure things out, except nothing changed, so why did we do it? And it wasn’t even a sexual thing, because he didn’t even originally plan on coming to my house, and even when he did, we didn’t go past fully clothed heavy petting.

And it’s funny, because when my grandma (bless her) asked if he’d be back, he intentionally didn’t answer, only said, “it’s not that far” in agreement with her, but when she asked previously how the trip was, he’d said “it won’t be that bad to make”, won’t, as if him coming back was a foregone thing.

I spent half the day wanting to cry because of the haunting feeling I was already carrying that I’ll never actually see him again. That this was just one beautiful day. And I kept reminding myself—he’s here now. Soak it up, be in the moment, enjoy it for what it is, and even if this is all it is, it was still good. Important. It’s fundamentally changed me, I think. Made me realize that men like him do exist. Who are consistent and stable and patient and kind.

But the thing is, multiple times today, I thought: I could do this forever. I’ve never wanted someone like that before, even guys I thought I was crazy about. He just feels like home. He’s somehow become my best friend. I don’t know if I’m in love with him, but I think I’m falling in love with him, and I’m fucking terrified.

Because if those guys I’ve fancied myself infatuated with before, who gave me nothing—if they hurt me? He has the ability to absolutely shatter me. I can’t imagine the kind of pain that would bring. The idea of continuing this… we both want each other and we flirt and we’re sexual with each other but nothing more is going to happen? The idea of him eventually getting back on dating apps and actively trying to date other people? Makes me sick to even consider.

And the worst part is, I couldn’t even be mad at him. I can’t blame him for wanting someone he can see daily if he wants to, and really, he deserves better than me anyway. Someone more stable. Someone who has their shit together. He’s such a wonderful person. He might be one of the best, kindest people I’ve ever met. And I’m lucky to know him, to have had him at all, even in this small capacity.

And even after spending all day with me, as he was leaving, I said I hoped he had a safe trip, and he said he’d text me when he got home. Then he said, “actually, you can call. I mean, I’m gonna be on the road for two hours.” He spent all fucking day with me and he still wants to talk.

And I’m telling myself, if it’s meant to be, if I’m worth it to him, he’ll make it work. But that doesn’t stop the maelstrom of conflicted feelings inside me. After he left, all I wanted to do was wash him off. The fear I’ve had for weeks, that maybe he’s just dragging this out until he decides he wants to date again, flared magnificently to life. Turns out I couldn’t completely wash him off—he gave me my first hickey at the ripe old age of almost 29 and all I can think about any of this is: why?

[dummyinabody]

10/3/24 JOURNAL ENTRY - HEART OF GOLD

Hello!! I have been here many times before and every time, I had eventually fallen deep within the depths of sexually explicit content that would then lead me into seeking male validation for my body, to the extent that I was prioritizing taking pictures of myself for men I don't know rather than just putting down my damn phone and experiencing real life, respecting my body and mind, and making real human connections!

So, considering how I am trying to improve in all areas of life, and find more creative outlets, I deleted my blogs again, and am approaching this app differently :) I hope to write lots!! I have been writing quite a bit from day to day but something about typing all these thoughts out and posting it into the void is so satisfying!

I awoke this morning, feeling as though I had slept a lifetime, only to discover it was 7:50 am lol

I have been working morning shifts for so long, that I suppose getting up early on the weekends is inevitable, my body has decided for me that I am a morning person now lol; reluctantly.

I am on a fitness journey, although recently have fallen off of my usual routine of hiking every morning and sometimes in the evenings as well! it was so wonderful, and I felt unstoppable, so I would love to get back to that! although, the mornings have been colder these last few weeks which I think has contributed to me lounging around more often. perhaps I should go for a hike today!

I don't seem to know how to just sit with myself, in silence. I must always have some form of music or noise in the background of whatever it is I plan to do, or else I lose all motivation to do anything lol, I should work on that.

Okay, so there is this wonderful guy I've had the pleasure of getting to know this past year, and due to us living an hour away from each other, and having incredibly busy and mismatched schedules, I hardly ever get to see him :(

I met this dude at a GWAR concert haha, and had used him to stay upright throughout the show, and after things had died down a bit, we danced flirtatiously and enjoyed the sensations of fake blood and guts being sprayed all over us lol. doesn't sound like a meet cute but we had this electric chemistry right off the bat, or at least, it felt to be that way :)

So, I got his number, and we've been hanging out ever since. If I'm not mistaken, I believe the concert was last October. I've been to a few more concerts with him during this time. Anyways, this dude just drove to see me on one of his days off because I had asked him to, and although we didn't have much planned for the day, and he showed up way later than I was hoping, I had a blast with him!

Not realizing though until the following day that he had been trying to take me out on a proper date during that time and I was completely blindsided :/

i had wanted more quality time (also hoping things would get more physical this way) so i was wanting to just spend this time with him having a chill day in but he wanted to get some food at a resturaunt and i was like ohh sure, could we just get it to go though, and he insisted we eat at the restaurant!! clue number fucking one!! I'm so fucking dumb oh my god! and then he wanted to drive over to this park that was close by (my favorite park) to go for a stroll afterwards, which again, I was not connecting the dots lol. the whole fucking time I was just eager to get back home so we could chill out lol

oh!! and did I mention? he got me the most thoughtful birthday gift! of which he had been downplaying for weeks prior :)) why the fuck is he being so fucking sweet and charming??! it is driving me mad quite frankly :/

did I mention he is also very musically inclined?? and hot as fuck lol

he is by definition, a pretty boy! I know this well, because whenever I am in his presence and go off to use the restroom, and look at myself in the mirror, suddenly I look very plain in comparison to his gorgeous fucking face :( it pisses me off over how wonderful this dude is. it makes me nervous that I may lose this charming man.

he is also incredibly funny, and highly intelligent, and genuinely, has a heart of gold :) now I know what Neil Young was singing about, I've found myself a heart of gold. Although I suppose I'm the type of girl that these romantic gestures would be wasted on, considering how I only ever want to cuddle with this dude or throw myself at him (not really though as I am far too shy to be so blunt) it took a lot of courage the other night for me to request that we cuddle, mostly out of fear of rejection :/

but hey, we did! we were planning to paint actually, but I seem to almost always get him way too stoned to function, not realizing that he may be a bit of a light weight lol. which is saying a lot because I thought I was!

IDK DUDE!! What is he thinking?!! we started this off originally as a way for me to get some more sexual experiences because I felt safe with him to touch me, whereas with others, it has usually taken me months to let my walls down before they could touch me, and since he was horny as fuck and just got his heart broken, we agreed our relationship would be more of a friends with benefits type deal. and then he started to get to know me more, and I guess he became very fond of me as a person, and switched the script, requesting that we take it slow from now on because he cares for me?? I was like, okay buddy, what kind of sick game is this?? no guy does that shit right?! especially knowing that I was enjoying the progression of our physical relationship before then and thought I had been making it very clear to him that I wanted more of him in that way :/

he claims this is because in his past relationships, he had gone too fast and it had a tendency to complicate things and those relationships were never as strong as a result, but I have trouble trusting that, and due to my many insecurities, I can't help but wonder if he is simply too kind to just bluntly say, he does not like me in that way :/

considering how during this date we just had, that I hadn't realized was a date (dude was opening doors for me left and right too, such a sweetie pie!) i was mentioning the strangest things, such as my mothers sex life???!!! wtaf was i thinking?! and also a story about the time i stumbled upon a dead bird and decided to bring it home with me and leave it to decompose so I could retrieve the bones as decor for my room :}

I don't know what he sees in me dude, I'm fucking strange! and I don't particularly dress to impress, and I am very antisocial lol

we have done some things in the past, but never to the point of being fully unclothed, and when we were half naked, it was in dim lighting, so he has yet to see the story my body has to tell; my self harm scars and truly bizarre birth mark along my hipbone that I deeply despise :/

he has also yet to see my body as it is now, vs when I was 20 pounds bigger, which also makes me wonder if that is why he decided to fucking cut me off when we had started this out with him lusting after me like a mad man :(

I fucking love that shit, I wish I knew

idk, the longer I get to know someone, the harder it is to think that one day I may lose them, because unfortunately I've grown attached, and genuinely care for them now, which has stopped me from asking for more.

or perhaps it isn't about me at all. he is his own person, going through some tough shit, living a whole life away from me; his motivations may remain forever unknown to me, and that is okay. I'm honestly just surprised he keeps coming back for more of me haha, I'm a fucking weirdo!

I'd be less fearful to share my thoughts and feelings and ask him to share his if I did not care for him so deeply. either way, at least I had the privilege of feeling so strongly for another ~

[ibhnubyeejyuavzoo]

Dear S, Part 2

To the point where the cleaning lady told me that I need to speak nicer to you or else she going to call security. Cleaning lady said if this your boyfriend he shouldn’t be treating you like this and you shouldn’t be with a guy like this. I remember that hurt me a lot and I was mad that this lady really got between us. But i just had to let it go. So we walked away from the area and we went back home on the light rail. I remember you crying. I felt so bad. I can’t remember exactly why I didn’t want to go watch the movie, but if I did. None of this would had happened. Bad memories, but a good reminder to myself. To always remember control my anger and especially when you are out in public. Our arguments would continue to be really bad. Because I had a temper and I don’t remember why. Maybe I was young or maybe like you said. I would see your brother arguing with his girlfriend and I took after him. But it would just get bad when we argue. We would still find ways to overcome those arguments and still love each other. Our relationship was slowly getting in toxic one. Something both fear and didn’t want. I remember taking you to Starbucks one day because you wanted to go to place to study. After I picked you up, you asked me do you believe in love at first sight? I could be wrong or you said something similar. I didn’t think much, but little did I know something was up. Eventually, finding out you met someone there and you were really intrigued by him. So you guys exchange information. You told me this and this was slowly the end our relationship. I don’t blame you for it. At that time, I started to hangout with new people. I started to go out drinking and I just started fishing. I got lost and I lost my drive. I lost my ambition. I remember you telling me that I wasn’t the same person you first met. That I have changed. That we should end this. I think there was multiple factors that play apart of it. I always knew you were special. You were always the type to strive for greatness. You were never content, you always wanted more. To improve yourself everyday and reach your goals in life. To always do better for the community and help others in need. Once you saw that I wasn’t that guy anymore. It was over for us. After we ended things, we would still text and try to meet each other. At the end of the day, I realized meeting up with you like this isn’t going to help me get over you. It also isn’t going to help us get back together. Because that isn’t what you want. So I just felt like I was getting used for your needs only. I started to push you away. I remember this one morning. I was gonna go fishing and I get a phone call from you. It was super early because I would go early to go fishing. You asked if I could take you to fishing one time before you leave to college. But I denied it. I told you I was busy. Even though I was going fishing that day. I just couldn’t do that to myself. Then, it came to your goodbye party. I didn’t come because I didn’t want more pain. I didn’t want to suffer anymore. I didn’t want to struggle even more trying to get over you. So then off you went to college. I stayed in town and lost myself. Ever since I drowned myself with alcohol. I don’t think I ever fully recovered from this. Which lead me to my lowest point in life eventually. But I learned a lot from you S. Because I never explore the world until I met you. I didn’t know a lot until I met you. You showed me how to be confident in myself. I also learned from my mistakes. The anger and temper I had, I learned to control it better. I learned to cherish the small things more. I learned to love myself and to not be so harsh on myself.

[portablechemist]

So a huge thing I've noticed in the initial separation is that my partner was a FIEND for cleaning, which I knew, but like... everything all the time had to be swept, wiped down, straightened up, etc. He'd sweep 3-4 times a day - once in the morning, after every meal, and sometimes as we were watching TV at night. He said it was to help with his anxiety, but if I let him do it on his own for too long (i.e. a few days), he'd yell that I never helped him (which is so funny, cuz I did all of the other chores except vacuuming). My cleaning was never good enough - he'd alway redo it, following up a few minutes after I cleaned. I couldn't leave mail on the table for more than a day, or I'd get a "when is this going to be picked up?"

Now that I'm not there anymore, things can just be... messy. And I'm not talking about unsanitary - just lived in. There can be some spillage from the cat litter and the mat doesn't always have to be aligned under it. I can leave a glass of water out to use the next day. No one yells at me or makes me feel guilty if I leave a cup of coffee out on my desk overnight. My grandma leaves crumbs on the table and reuses our napkins from one meal to another. She's left bread on the counter for the last couple days! And yeah, we wipe down the table after we eat and she does chores on Thursdays, but like... I left a wrapper out all night and no one 1) noticed or 2) got mad at me for it.

I woke up this morning to the cats having torn into their dry food overnight, and they made a mess, and y'know what I did? Lightly chastised them and cleaned it up. If that'd happened with my partner around, he would have yelled about it all day - at the cats, at me - for "not preparing for this" or "being too lazy to not do something about it before it happened". It'd set him off, and the rest of the day would be markedly worse because of it. But instead, it can just be a thing that happened. The day can still be good.

I'm noticing other things too - like, after the first weekend, I'm sleeping better and getting up earlier. I'm having more fun out and about with people, both in the sense that I'm doing more and I'm having more fun doing it? I'm singing more. I'm not driving as fast. I have more patience with the cats during the day (they're menaces when I'm working). My acid reflux has calmed down. And yeah, I still feel guilty, but it's really dropped off. I don't worry that someone's going to yell at me for something I didn't know I'd done or interrupt a meeting to talk about something banal. I don't have to reassure somone six times a day that I do, in fact, still love them. I don't have to worry about having one thing on the calendar for the weekend and that being "too much."

A lot of this sounds really nitpicky. Normal relationship shit that annoys anyone. But there were also times where he would freak out for hours on end - tell me how he didn't love me anymore, was thinking about getting a divorce, wanted to leave me. How - during the midst of my chemo treatment! - I was a child and couldn't do anything for myself and was the worst of my siblings and he was only staying with me so they didn't experience another heartbreak this year. How he couldn't control any of the shitty (and eventually, as I realized, abusive) stuff he said or did. How it was asking too much of him to ask him to stop hitting walls or himself, cuz how else was he supposed to get out his anger? His therapist said he needed to be able to express his feelings. Come to find out he'd never told his therapist (or anyone in his intensive group therapy) I'd called him abusive, because he didn't want opinions of him to change. Because everybody hates abusers. Because he didn't see himself as an abuser. Because my opinion, my perspective, my feelings didn't matter as much as his did.

Turns out, when you've got a reputation for being level headed and nice to most people and perhaps you put up with too much, if you tell people that you're leaving your partner, their first assumption is "whoa, he must have really fucked up." Which, when you've spent at least the last 5 years doubting your own feelings and perspective, is very validating.

[ghost-town-story]

FebruarOC Day 23: Will Hayden

It takes a while, but eventually, after several hugs from Mom and recounting an abridged version of what happened to all of our parents, Dad pulls me aside. “Let’s take a walk, hm?”

My heart sinks, and I try and brace myself for the inevitable lecture I know is coming. “Okay.”

The sun is setting as we step outside, painting the houses around us in gold. Dad leads the way down the driveway to the sidewalk, and I fall into step next to him. The silence lingers between us, making me more and more antsy the longer it stretches.

I manage to last until we reach the corner. “Just get it over with already.”

Dad raises an eyebrow at me. “Get what over with, exactly?”

“You know,” I huff. “The whole ‘Jazz you’re stupid and reckless and so lucky nothing bad happened’ lecture.”

“That’s not quite what I had in mind,” Dad says mildly.

“Close enough.” I shove my hands into my pockets.

Dad sighs. “Jasmine.”

He’s still mad enough to use my full name.

“It would be rather hypocritical for me to lecture you about all that. The only real high ground I have here is your lack of planning.”

“Oh, we’re going the moral high ground route here, are we?” I kick at a pebble along the edge of the sidewalk.

“Jasmine.” Dad stops and turns to face me. I still refuse to look up at him. “Jazzy.” He crouches down so I have a harder time avoiding him. “I didn’t bring you out here for a lecture. I think your mom covered that base pretty well.”

“Yeah, well, you usually double down on the lectures whenever anything magic is involved,” I mutter.

“Not this time.” Dad brushes my hair back from my face. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” I reply automatically before my brain can even catch up.

Dad makes a doubtful noise. “You know,” he says, “whenever I’ve told you and Hayden and Nick those stories about my adventures, I’ve left a lot out. Some of it is because I don’t want to scare you or your brothers. Some of it is because it still scares me. But that makes it real easy for me to spot when you’re doing the same thing.”

I wince.

“I brought you out here,” Dad continues, “because I figured you might be more willing to open up if you’re not worried about scaring your mom or your brothers.”

“Or Uncle Jared?” I add.

“Or Jared,” Dad agrees with a laugh. “Though between you and me, that’s a low bar when it comes to Alex.”

Under normal circumstances, I would be able to find the humor in Dad teasing his brother. This time, it just hurts. Because Alex got hurt following my stupid idea, and I feel like if—when Uncle Jared discovers that, he won’t ever forgive me.

Dad waits a few moments, but when he realizes I’m not going to say anything, he stands back up and wraps an arm around my shoulder. “Well, the offer is open if you ever want to talk about it.”

I nod into his shoulder despite my intention to never take him up on that, wishing it didn’t feel like the guilt was going to swallow me whole.

~

(have a few extra bloopers of stuff that didn’t quite want to be worked fully into this)

Alex and his dad are asleep on the couch, Alex curled up against his dad’s shoulder. Indy is sprawled across both of them, sparing me and Dad a brief glance before resuming his own nap.

~

Dad leans against the back of the couch and pokes Uncle Jared on the head. Uncle Jared blinks awake, slowly tilting his head back to look at Dad.

“Have you heard of this great new invention?” Dad says lightly. “It’s called a bed.”

“Fuck off Will,” Uncle Jared mumbles.

“No, but seriously, I’m not letting you sleep on my couch,” Dad says. “Either I’ll drive you home, or you can crash in the guest room tonight, but I’m not letting you fuck up your neck like that.”

[bangaloremilf]

Son's friend devoured my juices - Part 1

I drive my BMW 5 Series in the garage and noticed the long line of cars on the streets. It does seem there was a party inside.

Walking in I was greeted by my husband and three of his friends lounging in the living room with wine. My son, his gf and 4 of his friends were chilling by the swimming pool jumping in and out of the pool. I saw some of the young guys checking my outfit - sports bra, short skirt and thigh high boots.

Walked into my bedroom and took off my bra in front of the mirror admiring my boobs. Gently touched it and felt my nipples. Then cupped my breasts and felt them like they were being felt by my husband. Then gently pinched my nipples and let out a quick gasp as I felt the electricity run through my body.

As I shifted my weight, I noticed something by the door. Is that someone peeping? I acted like I didn't notice and started making light moaning noises while keeping the eye on the door through the mirror. Yes, there he was - Sahil the tallest of all the guys and the only guy in my son's group who was single. He had his eye on the prize.

I moved away from the mirror in such a way that he won't notice where I went. He leaned into the door frame into the room trying to find where I was. In that moment, I came in front of him, put my hand on the door frame and stood in front of him topless in a miniskirt and thigh high boots.

Looking for something, Sahil?

he stammered

Looking at something?

He was lost for words

Liking what you seeing?

He quickly realized that I wasn't ashamed. I was playing it very well. Like a stud he smiled and said to me

Yes, mam. Your tits are spectacular.

Those were the words which definitely made a difference. I could feel the wetness on my pussy.

I feel you are going somewhere with that line of thinking.

Yes, I would like to own them. Play with them.

Sure, let's see your mad skills.

I sat down on the bedside couch, and he sat beside me.

Sahil, the stage is all yours.

Sahil gently touched the areas besides my breasts and slowly ran his fingers around the base of the boobs. He had awakened he MILF in me. Slowly his hands went over my boobs, and he cupped it. It was mesmerizing. All those porn I watched, and never in my life I thought I would be in one of them. He then pinched my nipples, and I moaned a little. He picked it up and spoke

You are one dirty MILF. You know that?

I bit my lips, which was more than enough of an answer. I watched as his head lowered and his tongue was over my tits, slowly kissing and running round and round and eventually he sucked those nipples. The jolt of electricity can power our house for a week. He started sucking the boobs like there was no tomorrow. I can see the rising of tent on his shorts. When he took a break to move to the next boobs, I told him

You can free your pants and use your other hand

He took off his pants and his thick long cock was in full view. While sucking my boobs, his hands were stroking himself. I fell back on the sofa unable to contain myself. I felt his hands take my hands and while he was biting my nipples, he held my hands and moved it over his dick.

I felt the hot burning sensation on my hands from the warmth of his cock. I could not even move my hands since he was holding it and using his hands to guide my hand up and down his cock. He was helping me give him a hand job. He knew my weak spots and using it to the best, knowing very well that I wanted all of it.

My first reaction was

How do you know all of this Sahil? You don't have a girlfriend.

Yes, I don't have a girlfriend now, but I had in the past, but my eyes were always on you.

Why is that, Sahil?

I was moaning from my boobs being eaten and made to give him a handjob

Whenever you wear a bikini, I just can't stop staring. Others have to act like they can't see you because they have girlfriends, but I can measure every part of your body as long as your son does not catch me.

His hands slowly started going up my skirt. I let it be and when his hands went all the way in, he was shocked

You are not wearing panty?

I smiled and bit my lips

Why do you think mommy needs to wear panty?

Young men still have not learnt how to control their arousal when a woman talks dirty, especially when those women are not their sexual partners, especially when she is a mom and especially when it happens in a conservative country like India.

His hands went up pussy and he gently touched it. The feeling was unlike nothing other I have ever felt. The lust of a young man with limited sexual experience and the hunger in his eyes made me dripping wet.

All I can recall is him going down on me with his fingers playing with the pussy lips and his tongue rubbing my clit.

The arousal was intense, and it would take me forever to explain it in detail.

It was a few hours later when I woke up with all my muscles tensed and a big wet spot on the skirt.

Stay tuned for more.....

[pbandjesse]

My allergies are going crazy today. I am not feeling amazing. I am trying to remain positive but I honestly just don't feel very good today. I'm exhausted. I was able to get some stuff done but not everything I wanted. I tried. I really did. But it just was a sleepy day and I am so tired still.

I didn't think I slept to bad last night. I wasn't particularly comfortable but I was alright. I briefly woke up when James kissed my cheek to say goodbye but was not awake enough to say anything.

I would wake up right before 8. I did not want to be awake but I couldn't fall back asleep. I was having a lot of aches today. I was not feeling very happy. I tried very hard to shake it off. Sometimes it helps to make a mental schedule.

Get up. Make the bed. Take a shower. Wash hair. Get dressed. Eat breakfast. Vacuum. I just kept repeating that to myself.

I used my new shampoo which smelled very nice. And I think worked well. I had to stop using my last new shampoo because the smell started to really make me feel unwell. I hate how quickly that happens to me. I don't even think it's a pregnancy thing because it's happened so much before that with deodorant and soap. I'm just weird about smells.

I got dressed and felt alright. The breakfast James left for me was nice. I got really mad at Sweetp jumping on my desk while I was eating. He knows he's not supposed to be on my desk. That has always been true. There aren't many places he isnt allowed but that has always been one that is always off limits. I did get him to eventually leave me alone. I was just already in not a very good mood. So it was just not an amazing morning.

I brought Ruby the Roomba upstairs to clean. And put some stuff away downstairs. Ran the dishwasher. I laid around for a bit. I really considered trying to go back to sleep but I really wanted to accomplish something today. I had wanted to go and look into getting a larger box for Crabcake. I also needed to get him another heating bulb. So that was my plan. I would drive out to Lowe's in Glen Burnie because the Petco is across the street.

And I thought I did a pretty okay job holding it together. I pretty quickly realized I did not want to be out in the world and I regretted not staying home. But I was out and wanted to try my best to accomplish something.

Lowe's was a bust though. There was so many workers doing inventory and I felt uncomfortable in the aisle. I did find a larger box but it was $65 and it wasn't even perfect for what I wanted. I will keep looking.

I spent some time looking at the plants too. A lot of them were half off because they were full sun plants but I refrained from getting anything. And just headed out of there.

I had better luck at the pet store. I thought I had $10 in coupons but I actually had $20 on my account! Awesome. So I would get another fancy ceramic bulbs rather then getting the cheaper option. And I got him some dried flower food. I also looked at all of the animals. Including the current Russian tortoises they have which were very small! I was surprised that Crabcake already seems big compatibility.

I showed the cashier pictures of my Crabcake and his enclosure and got to talk about how much of a sweetie he is. She told me about her snake and how he was cold recently and actually climbed back into his shed skin! Like putting on a coat! Silly.

I decided that since I was already out I would go to the value village and get Taco Bell. And I'm really glad I stopped at the thrift store because I would end up getting some excellent stuff.

Firstly I found a stair basket! Something I have been looking for Soni was really pleased. And it was only $5. I tried on some shoes but didn't buy any. Not even the very good baseball shoes. I did find a very good fleece with its original tags. Very soft and very sturdy. A little more expensive at $15 but I think that's because of the tags. I figured between the very good deal of the basket and the not as good deal for the fleece it evens out.

The best though was I checked the yarn section and would get 7 balls of yarn!! 5 of them being the fancy blanket yarn I love. The other two are a slightly smaller/thinner fluffy yarn but it is also really good. And at like a 1/3 of the normal price.

I was really excited for my purchases. None of the self check outs were open and I struggled to figure out where the cashier was but I eventually figured it out. Embarrassing though!

I drove across the street and got two tacos. I had a nice chat with the cashier there, who is also named Jesse. He told me he was named for the song Jesse's girl! Neat!

I had my tacos in the car. And started driving home. And started feeling very bad. I was just on the verge of tears like. I need to go home. I need to lay down. I was so upset. I was about 20 minutes from home and I was struggling. But I got home and didn't cry.

When I got back here I brought everything inside. Got thing put away. Set up the other heating element for Crabcake who noticed really quickly and seemed very happy. I tried on my new fleece and it's great. And eventually I would lay down.

Sweetp insisted on laying on my arm. I kept pushing him off but he kept doing it. Monster. I would sleep hard though. And had really bizarre dreams about crab princesses and scifi. It was intense. Sociopolitical. Intrigue. But I would wake up around 4. And my allergies went crazy because sweetp was basically sleeping in my face.

And that was most of my evening. Allergies going crazy. James would come home and tried to cheer me up. I took meds but it didn't help as much as I hoped.

James made salad and pizza for dinner. And I watched videos and they played a video game. And we just laid together.

After dinner I came upstairs to lay in bed. James got on a call to play DND with friends. And I have just been trying to be okay. I am just not feeling very well. I am trying hard to be okay but it's just not happening tonight I guess.

I hope to sleep in tomorrow. I have an event tomorrow evening and I am hoping it will be fun. And that I will feel great. Fingers crossed. Literally my only saving grace has been it's been cool out. I am very thankful for that.

I hope you all sleep well tonight. Take care of yourselves. Good night!