#even with the fixed tooth -.-
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I like to hc that Durge heals abnormally quickly but now I also think he should be able to regenerate body parts just to make him even more unsettling due to what he is. He knocks out a tooth and it just grows back the next day. A finger? No problem. Bigger parts like a whole hand take longer to regenerate but so far anything that wouldn't kill him will grow back just fine.
I've seen some hcs that Durge acts like a cat and leaves Gortash body parts and whatnot, and what better present than his own child-of-a-god bodyparts?
#durgetash#durge#the dark urge#gortash#poor gortash honestly lmao#also what a better snack for durge than his own bodyparts lmao#tw for everything ever at this point asdfg#tw: gore#tw: mutilation#tw: cannibalism#what else ???#tw: durge lmao#I'm going to the dentist tomorrow to fix my tooth and this just spiraled into this whole thing#did I finally post smth so weird that even the durgetash crowd won't like? we'll find out
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lately i've been finding it so so hard to be positive and hopeful. and it's making me so bitter and hateful. i hate it but i dont know what to do about it
#idk it's just all too much to deal w#i have sm pains and physical discomforts. money issues. stress bc my avpd is making school very hard for me to finish#i have suicidal thoughts and really bad anxiety every single day. i've basically begged the mental health care system for help for 7 months#like i've kept contacting them and asking them but they havent done anything at all for me. i dont even get to see anyone and talk#i just dont know what to do or how to handle it#im so stressed abt the future. i have to finish school but then choose smth so i can go to school/get a degree & get a job#im holding my mom down and back and i need to find a way to kove out from her and support myself#i have no friends to meet or hangout with and destress with etc etc and im really feeling the lack of it#idk the list just goes on and on and on#nothing is working and idk how to fix it. but also i know that me and only me have to find a way bc there is no help#i struggle bc of my avpd and mental health but there is no treatment for me to get. they just dont wanna give me *any* help at all#im just so frustrated. and every day is the same. everyday is full of some physical pain anxiety stress worries suicidal thoughts etc etc#i cant break free idk how!!!! my life is so fkn boring and pathetic and miserable#i never get to relax bc all of a sudden last year i got extremely noise sensitive. and it's never quiet anywhere in this city#anyway yeah i could just keep going. and like now im feeling anxious bc my tooth is aching :((#it -everything- never stops or lets up or relents. and it makes me wanna die even more.#so... idk im just incapable of being hopeful abt anything and that's really killing me idk
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:D
mtl@dal 01.02.24
#delly <3 <3#even with his fixed tooth... still beloved#ty dellandrea#dallas stars#stars lb#cel gifs
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Happy Birthday, Vincent! Where did all the years go?
For the first time in my life, I looked at the people surrounding me and felt nothing but mirth. Ease. Restful, ambrosian peace. It's shockingly foreign. Warms the chest. Stings the eyes. I hope this feeling lasts forever. I capture every detail, dissecting each millisecond that passes, sense by sense. The air on my skin, and the scraps of sunlight hitting me. The way the room looks, and the looks in their faces, their eyes. The different laughs and conversations, some even praising me, offering good wishes. The sweetness from foods I never would have received, and the smooth scent of a home. One that's been lived in and cared about. I want to remember it. Engrave it somewhere deep and secret, so I can always return and find the same sights, smells and sounds. If I can't have that, then I hope it lasts a little longer, at least.
+ Close-ups!
Yeah. Just a little longer.
#vincenttag#soniasanderstag#amontag#rickytag#nathanieltag#seraphinatag#doctorstrohltag#katyatag#In which we see a rare moment of Strohl's hair being loose#And not gelled to oblivion#We also see some of his height show here. He's taller than Vincent!#I just really love Strohl he's my little baby boo#Katya is growing on me too I love her. She's such a sweetie.#Poor Amon. How do you still manage to get third wheeled in a group of people#Take it one day at a time dude. You got this. Better will come. She's for the nests bro.#Vincent has a weak stomach when it comes to sweets so these are layered citrus cheesecakes instead. Tart!#He loves citrus fruits. Fixing those vitamin deficiencies one lick at a time#You can tell who has a better sweet tooth. The lime cake is even less sweet than the orange one.#Been forever and a half since I drew Sera's cat#She's an old girl now. Sera was only around sixteen when she adopted her.#This might just be the first time I draw Sonia getting through to Vincent.#I didn't place his age anywhere here for a reason... You decide when in the timeline this occurs. There's a few obvious hints though.#If I come back to this I might tweak a couple things#devawrites#ark_systema
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AO3 is hibernating on Amadeus (1984) wdym there are only 98 works of which just over half are Mozart/Salieri??? I was planning on using a screenshot of the slash tag to introduce this movie but this is just pathetic. We can do better than that, surely?
What hasn't this movie got that tumblr loves? ✅ religious allegory ✅ paired with psychosexual obsession ✅ fuelled by an inferiority complex ✅ the wettest of wet cats pining for the prettiest of pretty boys ✅ obnoxiously 80s hair under those 18th century wigs
I mean
#they put salieri behind the cuck table in the first scene where he even saw mozart for goodness sake#more 👏 people 👏 need 👏 to 👏 see 👏 this 👏 movie#it's because it's 3 hours long isn't it#came for the all-natural lighting stayed for the pining#also personally giving this movie all the stars for making the grumpy character a sweet tooth#flawless characterisation of a sexually repressed professionally mediocre dude seeking greatness through asceticism#maddie's movie month#I maintain that gay sex *would* have fixed them both#constanze deserved better
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damn why’s it so expensive to have teeth???
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I snapped today at work, and by snapped I mean I politely commented on a help desk ticket by summing up an mess of an (type of) issue that's come up for at least the fourth time in the 2+ months I've been managing user accounts, and asked the person responsible to fix it (himself for once) because last time I fixed his mess-up it took me two whole days to work out the details with at least four other colleagues from different departments and I really don't want to do it again. there's other shit that needs doing, I've been working 10+ hour days for most of this week already, so I need to cut down not add on more.
(good thing tho - at least we managed to fix the issue where the dataset of a newer employee got mixed up with another one of the same name and therefore wasn't able to apply for any of the access/accounts she needed. technically not entirely my area but it does impact us not being allowed to create an account for her so I figured I might as well track that issue down. took three days and at least three other people, but hey - it should all work out now. yay for that)
#been feeling anxious af ever since bc it's the first time I've been this firm in a reply and idk how they'll take it#there's underlying issues in inter-departmental communication that need fixing that cause these issues to happen again and again#but my boss is on parental leave and his substitute is sick not that she cares or is up for doing her job where communication is concerned#so there's no real sense in addressing that rn esp by me who's only been there since June. but it does frustrate me a lot#anyway. I'm sure I'll get over this too. but yeah.. ppl not thinking things through for the two mins it takes to create an account#or the twenty seconds it takes to check if one already exists before creating a new one#or the minute it takes to check if folks still have an active contract past their time working in your department before deleting an accoun#just jfc. put in a smidge of effort and five mins total and save the rest of us from spending half a day to fix your mistake#oh well. if I get a pissy response I'll just blame it on being new as an intern and being too motivated and idealistic I guess#god forbid I expect people to do their jobs thoroughly or with at least a singular thought..#anyway. I feel like I'm allowed to be grumpy abt this since we are the folks who end up having to fix this shit#and by we I mean pretty much mostly me at this point bc one colleague is sick atm. my boss barely has time for this and is on leave#and my other colleague only works half time so I'm the one who's been handling most of these over the past month or so#which.. is still insane considering how I'm a goddamn intern who shouldn't even have admin rights tbh#but without them I couldn't do anything at all lol so here I am. nice that they trust and believe in me I suppose#that's why I try to do my best. (who am I kidding that's always the case anyway)#but yeah. definitely a 50% staff support job and only 50% of the other important things that need doing rn it's more like 90/10#and it's funny how I still dread my two hours of hotline. but every time the line is too busy I still jump in#we are also only 6 people atm out of 10 and three of us are still in training. and one of the trained folks had to come back in mid time of#next week we'll likely be 4#depending on if our substitute boss lady is back.. not that I'd look forward to it. she's a mess and she's been horrible to deal with latel#sure. she's stressed. but she's either snapping at me when I ask abt shit I can't know yet or she's ignoring me. great basis for team work.#so honestly I'd rather she not return on Monday. esp not if she's gonna spread her germs everywhere#but now sleep. sorry for the rant. it's certainly been quite the month since I returned from my own wisdom tooth rated sick leave..#gotta be up again in 6.5 hrs so I can be at work at 6 to let the electrician in. I'm gonna sleep so hard over the weekend I stg#a day in the life of..
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i have this specific tooth that like, when hit in a REALLY SPECIFIC SPOT, hurts for like a second, and im assuming its a chipped sensitive tooth and not a cavity, cause like ive been grinding my teeth a bunch and i also dont really see any black spot on there unless im just blind
chat does that sound like a cavity or not cause i dont think it is since like in my experience cavitys i have like when angered hurt for like HOURS and like this doesnt and ive had this chipped tooth for a long time
idk either way im prob not gonna go to the dentist cause of my super irrational fear of the dentist lmao-
#oswalds rambles#i prob should even if it is a chipped tooth but#chat i do not have ANY good experiences with the dentist#the only good thing is that they fix my teeth but like#ive gen had something happen to me at the dentist that gave me like some sort of PTSD /gen#thats another story for another time though :3
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ready to rip my cracked tooth out of my mouth atp tbh how am i supposed to go another month until my appt to get it fixed 😩😩
#personal#and that appt isn’t even to fully fix it!!#it’ll be another 2 weeks AFTER THAT until it’s actually fully fixed#i’m gonna die#cracked tooth saga
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it’s finally getting cold enough that i can bring my cardigan collection back into rotation without feeling like i’m gonna melt into a puddle the second i step outside!!!
#Seven.txt#my face#i have rematerialized back out of the void to once again make my once-in-a-blue-moon selfie & life update post#i’m running on 4 hours of restless sleep and the single banana i ate for lunch earlier today. let’s do this#hrrrrg i hate the lighting in my bathroom but i refuse to take pictures in the absolute Mental Illness Disaster Zone™️ that is my bedroom#anyways. got diagnosed with Mystery Pain Syndrome at the dentist today. so now i take ✨steroids✨#the less funny explanation is that my tooth still hurts with pressure nearly a month post-root canal and That’s Not Good#so we’re trying some new medications to see if that fixes it. and if not then who knows. root canal pt.2 the sequel. or extraction. sigh#and so the Dental Saga continues. todays visit went quite well in spite of the unforeseen mystery pain delaying the tooth-shaving plans#we had some time to kill so he managed to fill some of my other tiny cavities while i was there today so that’s good#okay moving on. what else. uhh. OH they finally came out and ran the fiber to the house last week!!! now i’m just waiting on one more-#-guy to come and finish the interior install and the long awaited fast internet will finally be mine eheheheheeeee#now i can feel my hours upon hours of unedited gameplay footage breathing down my neck :)#man i’ve got so much stuff piled up right now. i’m drowning in Tasks and it’s a lil overwhelming but i’ll handle it all! eventually#uhhhhm my current writing project is coming along well! i’ve never put so much time and effort into a oneshot before in my life#its a labor of love though and i think i’m gonna be really proud of myself (and the fic) once it’s complete#even if no one reads it bc it’s so goddamn self indulgent and kinda lowkey throws canon out the window but like. fuck it!#if i want Astarion to write a song on piano and perform it for me while mentally taking me on a trip down memory lane. then so be it#fr though i’ve never written anything quite like this and i rlly want to do it justice. even if its unrealistic i still want it to be Good#in other news i received word that one of the chickens i sponsor at my local Gentle Barn has passed away so i had a lil cry abt that#i feel so bad for his little tiny chicken wife. they obviously loved each other and it’s like. so sad when one half of an old couple dies#like. she pulled him out of his depression after his 1st wife died. now who’s gonna be there to pull Her out…#anyways let’s not get all sad about that again. in happier news my cat who i presumed died/got killed has returned home uninjured!!!#after that huge stray dog chased her into the woods i thought we’d never find or see her again#but then the morning after i started grieving her she showed back up hungry as hell yet completely unharmed like the enigma that she is#so that’s one definite highlight from earlier this month. uhh what else. rapid fire summary of the past few weeks let’s go-#Jersey turned 10! Bullet turned 10! my 6 year Veganniversary happened! i’m approaching 700 days on DuoLingo!#i’ve written more than 20 thousand words! i’ve been facing some fears! fighting my OCD! taking care of myself! (kinda!)#anyways things are far from being all sunshine and roses around here but i’m trying to focus on the good stuff for the most part#for now tho i have a headache and have reached 30 tags so it’s time to go shovel some mashed potatoes into my mouth :)
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pain has veeeeeery suspiciously disappeared from the tooth which makes me veeeeeeeery suspicious bc that’s not good lmfao bc if the pain goes without treatment, it means smth in that tooth has fucking died if I can’t feel anything anymore LMAO. okay if I press hard enough it hurts but it’s nowhere near the sharp ass pain it’s been leading up to this point so! I’m gonna go into that appointment expecting dead nerves and an infection or abscess of some kind. I’m also going in expecting the tooth to get ripped out so! what a day that’s gonna be
#:)#like lack of pain means nerves that were on the fritz the entire time#are not responding anymore#I know this from my tooth hurting. it stops. it comes back. it stops. I get a root canal. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#mind you the one tooth I did have pulled had a hole so fucking big I’m assuming#it just took the nerves clean out at the start#bc that hole got BIG. BIG. I could put my tongue in that thing I had to clean it out after every meal#and I told the receptionist on the phone yeah there’s a hole and she’s like how can you tell#I CAN PUT MY TONGUE THROUGH HALF THE TOOTH LMFAO#but a different tooth HURT so we fixed that one first dmfnfndj AND GET THIS. ITS THE ONE IM EXPECTING TO BE RIPPED OUT#HAH. A FULL CIRCLE. MAN. THAT WHOLE HUGE FUCK OFF FILLING FOR NOTHING#luckily they cap at a certain amount per financial year so it’s $36 or smth and if I go enough and hit the cap I don’t pay anymore which is#additionally the first pulled tooth was a very back molar also. this one is on the other side and on the lower jaw instead#which Could effect chewing a bit#but like the other one I figure I’ll get used to it. so. it is what it is#I’m willing to just say goodbye I just want a photo of it if possible#bc one root canal was like. a worry. bc of how fucking huge my roots are they worried the filling#would push the tooth in and it’d hit nerves and maybe it would reject. alas that did not happen so!#ooc#can you tell we have good luck with teeth in my family#I’m not the only one with teeth missing and technically with how bad mine are they’re still not even the WORST so! silver linings!
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goodnight 🌙💘🐰💤
#i have to get up early tmrw to call the dentist's#hopefully i'll be able to get another emergency appt nd fix my other tooth 🤞🏻#otherwise i'll just have to see what they say!! so i will not worry abt it now. hear that brain? dont worry just go to sleep 😴#it's not easy falling asleep when my teeth ache a bit nd even at 2am my mom nd sisters r yapping but#i'll have to make do w what i got... :)#hmm so yeah anyway im babbling now bc i actually am so anxious nd dont wanna try to sleep but i have to
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https://www.nhl.com/stars/video/chi-dal-pregame-ty-dellandrea-6344099391112 I wuv him he’s so cute 😫
save me big blue eyes and ripped collar and for some reason tan in december ty dellandrea save me
#even with the fixed tooth -.-#i do look at him and am struck with like. i Need to get him behind the wheel at a nascar race#ask#saltandpepperbox
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im not gnna get a single second of sleep tonight am i
#u know whats funny#we couldve caught this earlier#But my dad forgot i had an appointment so we didn’t go#so im gonna be up all nigbt Fending off the agonizing pain#like if i just leave it alone Even on pain meds if i dont put ice#it feels like someone’s slowly twisting my tooth around in its socket With. a pair of pliers#sloooowly yanking it out and then shoving it back up again#i dont want to miss school tomorrow but i might haveto#it is what it is. whatever man#at least ik whats up and its getting fixed#but its like a solid 10 on the pain scale#its gonna be a long night😢😢😢😢😢😢
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🦩🌷🌺
#since the financial aid for my dentist visit came in today nd everything went smoothly#im gonna call at 7am tmrw nd hopefully get another emergency appt tmrw to fix my other tooth#i dislike going to the dentist but i need to just do it so i dont have to worry#since it isnt hurting constantly now nd only here nd there i dont feel as rushed to go#but i HAVE to tmrw bc if i wait it'll get even worse nd hurt even more#so imma force myself#i mean even last week when the other tooth hurt sm it was still painless to go#i make it into smth much bigger than it is#just need to relax as much as i can nd just force myself to go thru it#also im so thankful that i actually get financial aid for this bc otherwise i'd just die of tooth pain lol#i mean one visit is $80 but then u also add the treatment#nd depending on whats wrong u can walk away having to pay a crazy amount like $200 nd even more#it could cost $1000 and then u stand there like ummmmmm now what?!?!#so yeah blah blah anyway#im happy that it was so easy bc now im not scared to do it again. which i need to do bc i need my other tooth that still hurts a bit fixed
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to be like frank here, redemption is an ever going cycle. when youve been the problem, the toxic ex, the abuser, you have to know you will have to apologize for that for the rest of your life. you will always have to live with the guilt and conscience of knowing how you hurt that person, or mutliple people. and you have to constantly CHOOSE to not repeat that behavior, and its not easy.
when you meet a new friend the topic of who you used to be will come up eventually, and if you have changed youll be honest with who you were. you cant run from it. you cant try to round the corners and make it seem like the other persons fault, or like it wasnt as bad as it was. its really really scary. because everytime you open up about it, its not just the wound of guilt but its also the fear that theyre going to look inside and not like what theyll see.
but you have to keep moving on and you have to keep being honest. and you have to remember that everyone is applicaple for redemption, you just have to work for it and admitting you were wrong with no buts is the first step.
#anyways cna u tell im kinda going thru it LOL#ive always been a toxic person thats why ive sort of secluded myself from society i avoid human contact w non household members as much as#possible bcuz i feel honestly like im a ticking time bomb that just hurts everything i touch#i dont think its fair to have to have someone deal w my shit when its such an emotional turmoil so even though i want friends im making my#peace w the fact that i like honestl dont really deserve rhem? ik this seems MOPEY but its like this is my geniune non like baiting thoughts#i was an abuser in high school and in an abusive relationship where for the first half i was the perpetrator. i hit my ex and u know i dont#even have anything to add to it other than it was fucked up. i was selfish in bed and sex addicted and sometimes did anything for my fix.#i will and cannot lie about my past as being a shitty person. its scary to say and post but i have to be honest thats who i was that IS a#part of my history as much as i wish i could i cannot erase.#i dont rly even know what to add here honestly. just watching mias vid got me thinking u know#there is more to this story ofc the same ex i was abusive to was also abusive to me it was just split into segments. like i was the problem#for the first year and a half then it switched to them but its not rly rhe best place 2 share that story when im talking about my mistakes#im not trying to detract here i just want 2 get this shit off my chest again. ive talked about it before but not since remaking a few times#anyways i dont have any excuses well i mean i can pull a bunch out but im not going to cuz at the end of the day i shouldve known better#than to be a bitch when i knew i was being a bitch u know?#being the bad guy is a constant struggle where u will have to really really fucking fight yourself tooth and nail to change and i want to be#that person. i want to be someone who can be 100% honest about how shit i was to myself and others (which i do already do to my friends)#hopefully this makes sense idk anyways if ur struggling with being abusive or toxic im here for u. u can get through this and you can be a#good person it is within ur hands i promise u#ok love u goodnight#personal
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