#even when they're fighting they're working together it makes me unwell

[sforzesco]

I'm so sorry if you get tired of answering asks about Pompey and Crassus BUT your response to the anon asking if Crassus let Pompey get away with things really got me thinking! Specifically about the way that Plutarch (I think?) says that Crassus didn't hold ill-will against Pompey for "stealing" his triumph. And how it feels like Crassus just kind of decided to shrug it off and instead asked Pompey for help for the consulship elections. Crassus seems so ruthless and direct while on the field, and I have so many questions about how he and Pompey worked together in Spoletium which will never be answered 😭 But then when it comes to politics I really can't see the pattern!

oh, I love talking about Crassus (and Pompey too, by extension), literally I can't stop. you can ask several people. I'll be talking about one thing, and all of a sudden: Crassus has entered the conversation. it's terrible, I can't stop. mostly, it takes me a thousand years to articulate my thoughts in any kind of way that makes sense.

I actually think that there are two times that Crassus subtextually calls Pompey a bitch, and the triumph incident is one of them!

specifically in that Crassus's comment about it:

Crassus, for all his self-approval, did not venture to ask for the major triumph, and it was thought ignoble and mean in him to celebrate even the minor triumph on foot, called the ovation, for a servile war.

Crassus is also not the first person to hold this sentiment.

Crassus' Ovation in 71 B.C., B.A. Marshall

I think it's important to remember that for Rome as a whole, the Third Servile War was terrifying because of the scale of the threat it posed to how an imperial wheelhouse running on a slave economy functions, but also because it's really fucking embarrassing for Rome's identity.

Crassus is also not the first person who commands the leading role against Spartacus. Spartacus goes through two other commanders before Rome asks Crassus to enter the scene. Crassus specifically is a private citizen when he is asked to step into this role: up until now, Rome's own praetors and consuls have failed to rise to the occasion.

Crassus' Ovation in 71 B.C., B.A. Marshall

Marcus Crassus and the Late Roman Republic, Allen Mason Ward

this is a deeply humiliating moment for the Roman reputation and identity. Pompey taking credit for Crassus' victory is an expected power grab, but it's also kind of cringe that he did it. Crassus was doing Roman's Duty To The State (or, if you like a spicier take on it, may have pulled strings for it. after all, you can't consider a man rich unless he can fund his own army. and the army Crassus brought with him for this was is own)

and so taking credit for that is like. man. this was NOT a "glorious war" that was fought. (Lucullus cites this as a blemish on Pompey's character during his vulture speech, it's very fun!)

so while Crassus may have realized that writing back to Rome and requesting back up was a mistake because whoever showed up would have the world's easiest time taking credit and accepted that it would happen, I do think that he took alternative measures to even the playing field in a 'okay sure, have your triumph, but don't think you're going to have it all,' kind of way because he also does this

Marcus Crassus and the Late Roman Republic, Allen Mason Ward

Pliny, Natural History 15.125

Gell. NA 5.6.23

Cic. Pis. 58

which does not strike me as the behavior of someone who is letting Pompey just run away with it without any kind of pushback.

and now to throw out literally everything I just said about the Triumph Incident, B.A. Marshall (whose article I've cited several times already in this) has an incredibly compelling case to make that there wasn't really as much conflict between the two over this as ancient narratives might indicate (which. seems to be a recurring theme with them)

Crassus' Ovation in 71 B.C., B.A. Marshall

I will stick to my narrative speculation that some of their respective peers probably thought it was at least embarrassing behavior on Pompey's part, because Lucullus has a lot of vitriol to direct at Pompey, and he does cite this incident as something negative to Pompey's overall character) someone who steals credit and glory from other people). so. hm. I think the assumed personal and periodically biting rivalry (in addition to the usual political rivalry) between the two is extremely fun, but so is. this. thoughts! much to think about.

[karotka]

I've been rewatching IWTV and what's clicked for me were Armand's motivations for betraying Louis. On first watch I thought it was such a confusing and irrational thing to do. Now, obviously it was capital B Bad etc., but we all know that, boring question. But was it a logical (≠justified) decision to pick the coven? I'm starting to think it kind of was 🤔

The café scene is so heartbreaking, makes me kick and scream at the screen, Armand on his way to end it all and Madeleine asks why Louis doesn't want him to know how much he loves him, and Louis confidently replies, “he knows.” Reader, did he know? I feel like part of the tragedy is that it didn't really matter at that point.

Press pause on the betrayal of it all and look at the facts from Armand's perspective:

Louis is suicidal. He has an expiry date, the coven vampires don't. Louis is suicidal, the coven is forever 😂😂 To quote Lestat, “There is one thing about being a vampire that I most fear above all else... And that is loneliness. You can't imagine the emptiness, a void stretching out for decades at a time.” Armand asks Madeleine, “What will you do, in a few decades, when she throws herself into the fire?” and then finds Louis in a pool of blood, his wrist slashed. He voices this to Louis much later – when he has no right to demand anything from him, but the sentiment stays true – “You left me for death. Will I be on suicide watch for the next 1,000 years?”

Louis straight up murdered his previous lover. Now, we know it wasn't all that, but Armand didn't. Major red flag, anyone? “I killed him and he fucking had it coming.” And he DID, but that's beside the point, isn't it? Especially since we know Armand is just as capable of domestic abuse :') He knew that Louis wasn't the kind of person who would just take his shit forever. If you want somebody to trust you, don't let them know you took part in the murder of your ex, heartfelt advice from both of them.

Speaking of exes, Louis is SO not over Lestat. I mean, neither is Armand, they're such a train wreck of a relationship :D But yeah, Louis is not fully committed to Armand, denying publicly that they're companions, hallucinating his ex in the bedroom or while Armand is sharing his traumatic past and, most damning of all, refusing to join the coven.

From Armand's perspective, he's risking it all for Louis and Louis a) doesn't appreciate it at all, and b) refuses to do the bare minimum of getting along with his family. (If someone treated my daughter-sister the way Armand treated Claudia, I'd kill them with my bare hands, but Louis acts like he doesn't mind. Can you imagine me without the burden of her? :/) (and yeah, he could just leave his shitty cult, the same way they could have left each other during those 70 years. Shitty stability > loneliness, I guess.)

A minor point maybe, but the moment you know that Lestat is out there and wants revenge, that only adds to the expiry date part. Especially once Lestat is cooperating with the coven, because I imagine that while Armand is OP enough to fight the coven, all of them + Lestat might be a bit too much. Maybe Armand even hoped once Louis is out of the picture they could get back together? We don't really know what exactly was going on behind the scenes but Lestat's sheer existence is bad for loumand... It is what it is.

And Louis just... repeatedly ignores Armand's warnings. I mean, they both knew Armand was going to execute him that one time. They tried to make it work but Louis was living on borrowed time from that point. Add Armand's apparent MO of “everything I love must eventually burn down so I will take control of the situation by orchestrating the downfall myself” et voilà. He was given a choice and he chose.

And THEN he betrayed the coven for Louis at his most unwell. Iconic!

[toomuchracket]

heyy so I was thinking about sick girlie at one of the shows, she never fails to work and everyone knows how committed is she, but at a show day she ignores all her body signs, avoiding sleep and trying to low her fever. D word matty worried at her because she’s pale and still working along Jamie, causing a bit of fight. Maybe George would try to make her eat something more than an apple and water but not getting more than that, then Adam checking her temperature and Ross just handling his hoodie.

And yes, I’m sick while writing this

oh i hope you feel better soon, sweets! and yeah maybe you wake up one day with a bit of a stuffy nose and you feel warm and a bit more lethargic than usual, but it's a show day and you're busy, so you take a couple of paracetamol and get on with it. although it hits you worse than usual because you're feeling tired as it is, you know yourself that it's just a cold, and you get really quite exasperated that morning by matty's constant hovering around you backstage and frequent utterances of "sweetheart, you've gone a weird colour. i know you keep saying you're fine, but i think you should take it easy"; you DO feel like shit, and it's making you irritable, and in turn you end up snapping at him like "matty, for fuck's SAKE, please just let me get on with my work and fucking LISTEN to me when i tell you i'm alright. but if you're so insistent that i'm not, it's probably best that you leave me alone in case you get ill too", and matty's a stubborn little git so he just snaps back "fine. i fucking tried!" and walks off in a huff. so naturally you both feel worse, but whatever, you'll just get on with it. in fairness to matty, he at least manages to get the boys on-side to keep an eye on you and make sure you're ok - like you said, adam manages to calmly convince you to let him feel your forehead to check your temperature (high) and subsequently to take more paracetamol and drink a lot of cold water, and george ends up in the canteen at the same time as you and tries (mostly unsuccessfully) to coax you into eating something substantial for lunch. after lunch, you're working on your laptop in the green room with ross's wife, and she's like "babe i can hear your teeth chattering" - she makes ross, who's playing with baby eilidh on the floor, go and get his hoodie to warm you up. while they're away, she softly says "you're poorly, aren't you, lovely?"; you just crumble and start crying like "really don't feel well. thought i could push through it but i can't. and i don't want to not do my work but also i don't want to make everyone else unwell. and i pissed matty off so i can't even get him to cuddle me", and straight up just sob into your friend's arms as she pats your head quite maternally. ross and eilidh come back in - he passes you a zip-up hoodie and eilidh passes you one of her teddies 😭 - followed a minute or so later by matty, whose face just crumples when he sees you crying. he hurries over to you with an "oh, sweetheart, c'mere", hugging you and shushing you when you try to apologise for earlier (although he says his own apology - he sits with you until he has to get ready for the show, despite your protests that he'll get sick, letting you sleep with your head on his lap and holding a cold compress on your skin to cool you down. during the show, you stand with ross's wifey and a cup of soup at the side of the stage, bundled up in hoodies and cardigans and blankets but feeling better than you did beforehand, matty stealing little glances at you to see you're alright. it's a pretty quiet night for you and matty post-show - dinner, a shower together, some more paracetamol (for him too, so he doesn't get sick), and cups of tea and cuddles in bed. the best remedy, i think <3

[dutifullyshamelessearthquake]

Chapter one of the Distance Between Us - I 🥺🥺🥺

it’s SO GOOD??? omg my word Cyno had my heart in actual pieces on the floor!! I was truly sucked in to because when ‘Nari’ first answered the phone call I was like -woah WOAH????!! But that transition was BRILLIANT and oh my word just- Cyno curled up and sobbing 😭 poor baby!!!!!!! I can’t!! And how disorienting too to have gone from midly unwell to FULL ON sick.

other details I’m obsessed with- I LOVE how Cyno is determined to keep up appearances even in this context. The juxtaposition of him internally *desperately* needing Tighnari while outwardly trying to keep it together had me in a choke hold. It was awesome too seeing how he interacted with Kaveh while sick!! And KAVEH!!! omg you nailed writing him!! The panic the dramatics the chaos (the window kaveh ??? please??🤣) But also steadfast and would do anything for his friends. Love him. Love him always. also! Cyno being shorter than nari as seen through pants 😭😭😭😭😭 my FAVORITE

also also- idk if this was intentional but, the comment about the restraints he imagined when he first woke up, I really love that detail cuz my mind was like “oh he’s remembering his past life in the Canon AU and in his delirium for just a fraction of a second he was in another life” very very cool!! Like a little Easter egg

I am so excited for chapter 2 tho I’m MANIFESTING Tighnari gets summoned and Cyno can get the hugs and care he deserves!!! I have a feeling he may not be out of the woods yet and I’m SO ready!!!!

Criminally amazing work as always idk how you keep doing it every time 😭😭

AHH THANK YOU!! SO MUCH!!

I tore poor Cyno to shreds in this one, I feel like he deserves a formal apology 😭

YES! It felt so strange writing that, because you just know Tighnari would never answer the phone that harshly if it was Cyno calling him! Especially in the night! I was reminding myself "this isn't nari, this isn't nari, this isn't nari" as I wrote it, up to the point where Cyno realised his mistake.

ARGH AND CYNO!! Writing him just fighting to keep everything together when he's very much falling apart broke my heart. He was having such a bad time here, if it wasn't for Kaveh, he wouldn't have fought for appearances at all. (Not saying Kaveh's presence was a bad thing... If it wasn't for Kaveh, Cyno would likely still be on the bathroom floor) AND KAVEH! Help, he was so much fun to write! A little dramatic, definitely chaotic, but so warm hearted, I love him to bits. A true best boy!

I absolutely love the lil' headcanon that Nari is just a tinyy bit taller than Cyno. Like the difference is so small you probably wouldn't even notice it with shoes and all, and Cyno being more muscular than Tighnari. But it's there and I love it!

YES YES!! Honestly I did not even consider it that way, but I LOVE that take?? The idea that this au is kind of like a different life, maybe a next life, after their canon lives! Makes my heart melt because of course they're together in every life 🥺 I'm absolutely gonna have this in the back of my head forever now, I seriously love that!

I'm very excited to continue the fic as well, things are only going to get worse before they get better. Cyno deserves many hugs, because he's in for a bad time!

Thank you so much again!!

[trans-xianxian]

rock bottom by Ira Wolf is very Wei Wuxian talking to Jiang Cheng, bitterly, probably in the Wen settlement time. (I'm rewatching the show and it's making me so unwell lmao) like he's happy Jiang Cheng is ok and that he has a golden core again, bc hes his baby brother, but he's so fucking alone in everything and just physically feeling empty... giving up everything he worked for.... and then Jiang Cheng thinks Wei Wuxian is being selfish and unloyal....

...I'm so sorry for going off but this show makes me crazy plus I know u have great views on them <3

SHAKING SCREAMING CRYING

the thing about their conversation in the burial mounds is that jiang cheng Doesn't think wei wuxian is being selfish and unloyal - at this point in the story jiang cheng doesn't resent wei wuxian for protecting the wens and on some level he understands whats happening isn't right, he's just a coward. he's hurt that wei wuxian has "abandoned" him and everything they promised to each other but he's not actually angry yet, still grasping at the chance of being able to put things back the way that they were. he's worried about wei wuxian and is selfishly trying to convince him to make the safest choice that will keep them together. he knows wei wuxian is hiding something and doesn't understand why he's pushing him away. he's barely ever angry the entire time he's there and is devastated when wei wuxian suggests he be "exiled" and they fight

wei wuxian on the otherhand is heartbroken when jiang cheng, the one person (aside from jiang yanli) he thought would still believe him, asks if the stygian tiger seal is part of the yin iron and questions his cultivation, something he'd never done before. he views jiang cheng trying to convince him to make the safest choice as jiang cheng not trusting him. he can't even look at jiang cheng as he pushes him away because he Knows he's breaking jiang chengs heart but can't bear the alternative of telling him the truth. he suggests the fight and the exile but then is so shattered when jiang cheng agrees so easily. and the thing about wei wuxian at this point in the story is that he can't actually allow himself to be Angry at jiang cheng for any of this, just hurt

the entire sequence when jiang cheng visits the burial mounds is one of the best executed instances of miscommunication I've ever seen in a piece of media. you can tell all both of them want is to protect the other person but they're each just inches away from saying it the right way

[llycaons]

ep13: oh, the misogyny

wwx is finding a way to DISCREETLY get the formation to rest for lwj, who is walking on a broken leg, and still jc is like 'what the fuck did you do now' like damn jc he can't do anything right. makes that post about jc hero-worshipping wwx and copying what he does and idolizing him even funnier

wwx and jc gossiping about wlj is so mean. of course she can't carry a sword, she never learned how! she was a maid. they're clearly judging her for sleeping her way into a position of power, but I see you wen chao I know it's more on you than on her

wwx falling down/out of/off things. first of many!

this is a really pretty shot ngl the water is lovely

wlj being positioned as the jealous, spiteful mistress using her power to harm a Good Woman is so shitty. they both were treated (in this arc) as one-dimensional tools to support the arcs of the men around the. wlj I know the writing did you dirty but you will always be a legend to ME for miss 'ghosts don't exist'

interesting moment - it's actually lwj who steps in to defend mm with jzx. wwx looks like he wants to, but jc shakes his head and wwx ultimately stays put. it's cool to see lwj and wwx trade off scenes that establish them as willing to defy authority and risk attack for the sake of protecting the vulnerable. it makes their ideals and goals feel truly mutual and balanced rather than wwx coming in and inspiring lwj to have a moral code (as is sometimes interpreted by fans)

this fight scene is genuinely REALLY fun and well-crafted. jzx and lwj have some sick moves, as do jc and wwx

WEI WUXIAN ICONIC MOMENTS. god I love it when he points out the hypocrisy of the great sects and the cultivation world. why is this scene never talked about! it's literally one of the best from him in this arc

again a TRAGEDY that this significant moment between them chalks up to an angsty subplot for wwx and lwj later on. it's a fucking good aspect of their relationship and it does compel me like lwj drunk-branding himself is INSANE and I'll never get over it but the misogyny 😭

wwx shot three arrows at once and took out wlj and mm's two guards without hitting mm herself LEGEND

she is literally the only wen with an understanding of how politics work

FAMOUS LAST WORDS. my dude you just locked the teenager who's going to torture you to death in a cave with the weapon he's going to use to do it

this is literally such a fucking funny joke. slept on. also wwx does take serious situations seriously but he also sometimes does this. I don't even blame jc for being like 'are you serious right now'

YOU ARE BOTH SO USELESS. SCREAM

of COURSE mm is the one to slip and cut her hand and release blood to awaken the monster. of course it had to be her

I'd say that she deserved better but honestly after this her arc really rules and she's one of the few characters to get a happy ending so I can't be too mad

this scene is wild. lwj jumps in and THROWS wwx behind him like 20 ft

jc yelling at wwx to be careful and promising to come back. aw man

also WHY ARE THEY ALL LEAVING. wouldn't it be much easier to kill the false xuanwu if they stay and work together? I don't think wwx even expected lwj to stay with him. he was really ready to stay there and fight it off alone and maybe die in the process. he's unwell!

okay this has always bothered me. WHERE DOES HE FIND THE STICKS THEY ARE UNDERGROUND

that underrobe is so beautiful purely on an aesthetic level ugh he has such good taste. also I like that you can see his bare skin under it like HOW hot was that branding iron jfc

EVIDENCE!!!! EVIDENCE for my 'wwx is intimidated by lwj's earnestness and his fears around commitment/the strength of his own feelings cause him to avoid his feelings because getting too attached/too serious is scary for him even tho deep down he craves it'

wwx casually asserting getting scars/being injured as a...sexy and impressive sort of triumph of masculinity (?) as a young teenager vs. his devastated expression seeing lwj's scars as an adult. he has so much to learn

this translation is so weird. just say inedia?

[oinkgoesthecat]

I'm scared.

That's a departure from the usual, right? Don't get me wrong I'm still unwell. But I'm mostly scared.

I know what I want and every time I think about I feel something deep in my gut of longing for freedom. The excitement of living my life on my own terms. Something I've never really been able to do.

But I'm terrified. It's not a decision I'm coming to lightly. I know I'm about to give up a significant part of my life. I'm losing a family. And a circle of friends.

I have no expectation of him to be perfect. But this pattern of neglect and lashing out isn't okay. And I'm somewhere between thinking I'm just being dramatic about everything and everything is actually fine and realizing I'm gaslighting myself into problems because I'm self-sabotaging. But I think if I was self-sabotaging I wouldn't have thought it through the way I have. I'm constantly thinking it through.

I think he knows something's wrong because he's been extra affectionate. But he's already broken my heart. That sounds so fucking dramatic but it's true. I'd have to see a serious change soon for me to change my mind. But I don't think I'll see the change I need to see in him. I love him. I say that all the time because it's so true. I love him so fucking much. But that isn't enough. I need respect and decent treatment. I don't expect the full princess treatment at all times. But I want more. I want appreciation for what I do. I don't have any problem running the household. That's not an issue, but I need it to be appreciated and not dismissed when I express how overwhelmed I am.

I need to sit down and really determine my Finances. I know I'm going to pick up a second job. I don't think I can support myself without it. And I need a car. I don't intend to take on a payment, just a manageable cash car. And I'll have to do insurance. Pay down my credit card and fix my credit. I need to figure out how much money I actually have. Because I've never made my own budget. I've always let him handle the finances and that's fine. But I will be in charge of my own life. it excites and terrifies me.

Part of me wonders if things will get better. Maybe. Maybe things will get better when he has a job. He seems to think so. But once he's working again he'll be busy and then will he go back to old habits? And what about later when we are both in school? What about when I'm in grad school and he starts med school? Will I get neglected again? Will I start to feel ignored even though I'm screaming to be noticed?

He hurt me. A lot. And when I told him about how the pattern reminded me of Lynne, he said he wasn't an alcoholic and he wouldn't hit me. Which I do believe. But not hitting me didn't make it better. He may not hit me or degrade me. But I cease to exist or be important when he gets too stressed.

People are going to be shocked. Because we seem so perfect together, we've been together so long. We've always been such a united front. We don't have devastating fights, we aren't messy in public. Maybe then people wouldn't be shocked. Maybe then people wouldn't hate me.

I have to keep reminding myself the last few months aren't an isolated incident. They're a pattern. I don't pretend I'm perfect. I know the moment I start to feel unimportant I look for outside validation. And that's an awful habit. I know I'm horrible at expressing displease because of my fears. I'm so desperate for someone to love me that I let him treat me however for too long. I've let too many hurt feelings go unnoticed. I've been too forgiving. And that's my fault. But the consequences will affect both of us.

I'm building a whole new life soon. A new me. Maybe I can finally genuinely love myself in a way I haven't in so long. I think I feel, hope? It's scary, but good scary I think.

[richardsikens-secretlovechild]

the way ch 26 has me crying in agony and cutting my braids with a butter knife😹🔫

anyways here are my reactions to Chapter 26 of Crimson Rivers by zeppazariel on ao3

SPOILERS BELOW

barely anywhere in and the tears are forming

THE BLACK BROTHERS REUNION AHH🫠a nuh bawl mi a bawl enuh a jus smth inna mi eye😭

“What, this?" Sirius huffs out a forced laugh and very pointedly doesn't look down at where he's currently covered in hot, sticky blood that his brother just projectile-vomited on him. That's the stuff of nightmares, frankly, and so he would like to not see it, thank you. "Not my first time being covered in blood. It's fine. I didn't even like this shirt."

(Sirius really liked this shirt.)

i’m so sick and tired zar pls 😭

Sirius tosses the wipe in the bin, then takes the cup and pan to the basin to clean them. As he does, he keeps talking to Regulus, speaking over the running water. "Wouldn't be the first time, and I'm not talking about this time either. I have a memory of you showing up at the foot of my bed—you had to have been either five or six—and you told me you weren't feeling well approximately three seconds before you vomited all over me and my bed, then started crying. Is that—did that actually happen, or is my brain making things up again?" imagining little reggie at the foot of sirius’ bed like “i frew up🧍🏾”

The water," Regulus croaks, and there is something in his eyes now, something that breaks Sirius' fucking heart. Fear. "Don't make me get in the water." my thirteenth fucking reason

HE DOESNT WANT TO SEE HIM FUCKING HELL

"Yeah, ow," James mumbles, blinking rapidly as he slumps again, this time like he's exhausted. The adrenaline wearing off, no doubt, letting his pain catch up to him. He reaches up to fumble for Sirius' wrist, then seems startled when he actually wraps his fingers around it. He gives a gentle squeeze, staring and staring at where they overlap, and then he looks up at Sirius with wide, watery eyes. "Oh. I've missed you." they make me so unwell

Sirius chokes out a laugh, fighting valiantly not to break down into tears, and James gives him a weak grin, even as the tears spill from his eyes. James shifts a little, tightening his grip on Sirius' wrist, then fully just yanks him down.

They sort of fall into each other, embracing and laughing through tears. Sirius can't decide if this is the best he's ever felt, or the worst. He thought—for a bit there, he really thought he'd never get this again. Never see his best friend again. Never hug him, speak to him, simply exist with him. The relief is overwhelming, and it still can't erase all the fear and pain that came from nearly losing James in agony over them dont hmu💔

One nurse works on removing the wrap around James' stomach where he was stabbed because the medicine did the job of healing it as much as it ever will. All that's left is time, which will make it fade but never erase it entirely. Sirius doesn't know whether to be amazed or baffled by the fact that James was stabbed in the same exact spot as Sirius was when he was sixteen. They quite literally have matching scars now, even if they look different. e betta mi guh sleep to pussyclaat

"Hey, we match," James says softly, while poking idly around the scar on his stomach, grimacing every time he does it. crying my eyes out and thrashing

They're both quiet as the nurses finish up, then quickly leave with instructions for James to remain in bed. As soon as they're gone, James tugs on Sirius' hand, urging him to climb in next to him without even saying a word. Sirius doesn't deny him, equally as desperate to be close as James is. their relationship means the world to me man:/ like a platonic love as strong as theirs is all i’m asking for

It takes a bit of maneuvering, but they eventually settle on the bed together. James can't really lay on his side, so Sirius does it for him, curled up against him as they just—breathe in perfect sync. In and out, together, as one. screaming and crying they’re so🙁🫶

"I'm so tired," James whispers.

"Me too," Sirius confesses. sliding down a wall

someone tagged me in fanart of regulus being dragged down by inferni on instagram while i was reading this chapter and i just- what if this was my last straw???

Oh.

Oh, Remus thinks, his heart doing this bittersweet sort of clench-and-release in his chest as he realizes that it's true. Not just in abstract. Not just them heading towards something they can never really have. Not just falling in love—but landing. Remus loves Sirius. He loves him. It's already there; it's already happened. It's love. He's in love.

nvm i no longer want to kms the italicized oh is enough to keep me going

that plus Pandora🙏🏾 live laugh love pandora

bless zeppazariel for not going full peeta on james but also curse him because why in the world would you write this

“"Your forgiveness was one of the things that kept me going, Sirius," James chokes out, his eyes brimming with tears, and it feels like Sirius' chest is caving in. To have that comfort ruthlessly taken from him, shattered before his very eyes by the source, by the one person who has never failed to comfort him before—it has to be crushing. Sirius feels like he's being crushed right along with it. "Do you forgive me now?"

James is looking at him like he's desperate, like Sirius' forgiveness is the only thing he needs, and without it he would simply give the fuck up, like the guilt would eat him alive. So, Sirius softens as much as he's able to, and he says, "Of course I do, James. There's nothing in this world you could ever do that I wouldn't forgive you for."” AND HAVE IT BE A LIE burning you at the stake for this one zar

i need a nap after this, it was so emotionally draining but oh so lovely to read

[trueshellz]

Hello! Can I request Osamu and Kuroo finding out their S/O has trouble functioning recently. Like usually they're working a lot and being productive but now they're burnt out – no motivation, skipping meals, can't sleep, etc. If this is too much, please feel free to ignore! Thank you!

Thank you for the request! 💜

Osamu

You had always been good at hiding your stress from your family and it was no different when you started dating. Work had been more stressful than usual, there had been lots of looming deadlines and the change in management meant that the new person was trying to leave their mark on the company. Being a perfectionist, you didn't want your work scrutinised and had taken to working long hours with little sleep.

Osamu was aware of this, knowing to keep his distance when you had lots to do. Not because he didn't like your job, but more so that you would get little done, instead playing games or making out. You had planned to see him properly but he would always pop in during the early evening to drop off some food for you.

What you hadn't shared with him was how stressed you had felt. Instead of eating, the food had been piling up untouched. You were up most of the night working on the changes coming through from the new manager and relied on coffee and caffeine pills to help. When going into work had become too stressful, you had taken some time off to recover and focus on yourself. But this had just made you fall into a dark hole. You spent all day in pyjamas, barely eating still and slept most of the day. You didn't know how to tell your hardworking boyfriend how you felt, especially since he was so busy with the shop. If he could manage a business you should be able to do your job right?

It was the second week of not seeing you daily, Osamu was starting to get worried. You had told him that you were staying with family for a bit as you had been stressed with work and didn't want to take time away from him setting his restaurant up. You still spoke everyday, less so on video or the phone but your text conversations went on for ages.

"Osamu! How are you?"

Glancing up, he saw your parents approaching the shop as he was putting up a notice board. They had known for a while that you had been dating, being supportive of you both and the relationship between you had been great.

"I'm ok. How are you both? How's my lovely girlfriend doing?"

The shock on their faces was almost palatable, they both looked at each other confused before turning back to him.

"We've not spoken to her for about 3 weeks. She said she was staying at her apartment as she had deadlines to meet and needed to focus. You know how her siblings are when she's home."

"But..."

Osamu felt his heart stop as your parents told him what else you had said. The worst thoughts going through his mind as he listened half-heartedly to them. There was no reason to lie to him or your parents. He couldn't think of why you had spun this story to lie to everyone.

Waving farewell to your parents, his thoughts swirling around his head as he finished work and tidied up the shop. By the time he locked up, he was just angry at you. How dare you lie to him? You knew how much he valued truthfulness and honesty.

Storming to you apartment, he planned his conversation in his head. He was going to confront you about lying to your parents, lying to him and about not spending time with him. If you didn't want to date him, you should have just said. Knocking on your door, he waited for you to answer but there was nothing, the lights were off and he couldn't see inside. He didn't like using the spare key you gave him, not wanting to be that boyfriend who didn't trust their partner. But it seemed like he had no choice.

Unlocking your front door, he was shocked to see your post on the floor, more than would accumulate from a day or two. Walking through and calling our your name, he could see the apartment was messy too. The food he had been sending on the worktops, work papers all over the floor and your curtains were all closed too. He kept calling your name until he reached your room, hoping to hear you reply. Were you unwell? Why hadn't you told him? He would have helped you, looked after you.

You had been in bed all day, apart from a quick shower and eating a banana, the energy you usually had had completely depleted. Everything hurt. Arms. Legs. Head. Back. Your eyeballs hurt. How was that even possible? You thought you heard your name being called but figured it was just your mind playing tricks on you. It wasn't until your bedroom door opened and Osamu's face came into your peripheral vision did you really start to panic.

"'Samu... I... what?"

All thoughts of reprimanding you flew straight out the window when he saw you. Osamu actually felt his stomach drop. Your usually bright and cheerful face was dull, your eyes were sunken and you had bags under them, he was sure you'd lost weight and didn't even want to ask when you had last eaten.

"Baby."

That one word was enough to have you breaking down into tears, not pretty ones, loud and gut wrenching sobs as he rushed over and pulled you close. Yep, definitely lost weight. His chin resting on your head as he shushed you, arms wrapped around you tightly as he rubbed your back. Your tears soaking the front of his jacket, hand curled in his top as if he'd disappear. You hadn't realised how much you missed him until he appeared in front of you.

"Baby, why didn't ya tell me? I woulda come sooner."

You shook your head, unable to form words he he climbed into bed with you. Pulling you forward so you lay on him, his arms wrapped around you as you lay there. For a long time neither of you spoke, content to lay there while your breathing settled back down and eventually falling asleep again. As you did, he couldn't help but shed a few tears at the sight of seeing you so exhausted and broken, especially after he thought the worst, made him feel like shit. How could he have been so blind? He should have seen something was wrong?

"'Samu?" He felt you move and sit up, instead pushing your head back onto his chest, he cuddled you close and squeezed you lightly.

"I'm here, baby. Don't worry."

"'M sorry."

"For what?"

"Lying."

If he hadn't cried already, he was sure you were going to make him cry again. Closing his eyes against the tears, he propped you up so you could look down at him. Brushing the hair behind your ears, he thumbed your cheek lovingly before kissing you softly.

"I wish ya'd told me, baby. I woulda helped. I woulda checked on ya more and-"

"I didn't want to burden you. You've been busy with the shop and I just... didn't want to seem like I couldn't manage. And then it just got so much and I didn't know how to fix it."

Sitting up, Osamu pulled you into his lap so you were say sideways and rocked you gently as he spoke.

"Ya never have to be sorry for shit like this. If I'd known, I woulda come sooner. Baby, ya had me worried. I don't know what I'd do if something happened to ya. Listen to me, ya never gonna be alone ok? Let me help ya baby. Lemme take some of the burden ok?" When you shook your head, he smiled and continued. "I love ya baby. It's my job to help ya."

"How?"

"Come stay with me for a bit? Even if ya never leave ya room or wanna stay in bed, ya won't be alone. I'll be there to help."

"I don't-"

"Please baby. If nothing else, I'll know that yer OK. That yer not alone and sad. All by yerself thinking that no one cares. Please?"

Kuroo

It was the autumn term and you were struggling. You weren’t sure what it was about this weather that just drained you of energy, the lack of light or the cold seeping into your bones. The idea of having dark mornings and dark evenings made your mood sour and no matter what you did, it wasn’t getting any better. You knew you had work that needed doing, your to do list steadily getting bigger and your will to donit getting smaller.

You had been off school for a week now, with Kuroo away at traing camp he was none the wiser. You were able to hide your troubles from him, he would call in the evening which would he the time you got home. He was always so cheerful, face lit up with his stories about his day and games. Often you would have his teammates crash the call and hear the mayhem as he tried to wrestle the phone away from them.

Last night, Lev had stolen the phone and started complaining about being picked on. As much as you loved your boyfriend, Lev was a sweetheart and you had a huge soft spot for him. Kuroo had wrestled the phone away from him and you watched the fight ensue in the background. With so much going on, it was easy to divert the attention away from yourself, load all the focus on his team and their game today.

Glancing at the clock, you knew the team would be on their way back by now. It was the afternoon and school was still in full force, the homework from last week still on your desk and your phone full of messages from friends asking where you were. Soon you heard Kuroo's special ringtone light up your phone. He would always message you after a match and meet with you, walking you home at the end of the day while filling you in about the camp. You would pick up snacks on the way and the lounge around on the sofa watching movies together. But today? You just couldn't do it.

Kuroo was confused and worried. Not only had you not answered your phone but you weren't in your class. Your friends hadn't heard from you in a while and that wasn't like you. Dialling your number again, he waved goodbye to his teammates before making his way to your house. He was almost there, turning back at the last minute to grab your favourite flowers and food from your local shop.

Arriving at your house, he could see that the lights were off but your car was parked outside. Calling you again, he could hear your phone ring from inside the house but you made no attempt to answer it. Banging on the door, he waited and waited. Tension growing by the minute when you didn't appear.

"Kitten! I can hear your phone ringing. Answer the door."

You knew you should answer it, you phone had rang about twelve times and you had about twenty messages as well as four voicemails. Dragging yourself out of bed, you went to your window and peered out, seeing his dark hair as he bent over his phone. The image tugged at your heart, you could see his brows furrowed as he bounced on his toes. A sure sign that he was anxious and worried.

"Kitten. Open the door. I can see your shadow in the window."

You tensed as he said that, begrudgingly walking to the door and bracing yourself against it. Tears forming in your eyes as you thought about how you worried everyone, how much of a letdown you were and how unreliable.

"Baby." His voice was softer now, closer too. "Open the door. I'm worried about you. Lemme at least see you ok? If you wanna be alone afterwards, I'll leave."

Cracking the door open a few centimetres, you peered through and saw Kuroo's face. It instantly softened, you felt your eyes fill with tears as he reached across and ran his thumb under your eyes, most probably seeing the dark circles you had. Letting him push the door open further, you let him pull you into a hug. His arms wrapping securely around your body as you fell into him, his voice a low shushing in your ear and it was then that you realised you were crying. Tears tracking down your face and soaking his jersey as you stood.

"Kitten, I gotcha. I'll always be here for you. Shhh. Don't cry baby. You're breaking my heart here. Let's get you inside yeah? I bought some food and we can lounge around like always." He pulled away and a look of panic crossed his face. "If that's what you want. If not, I'll go. I don't wanna intrude or-"

"No, Tetsu. I'd love to have you here... but, I'm not in a great place. I don't wanna-"

"Baby listen, my heart is wherever you are. If you're hurting, I'm hurting too. We'll get through this together ok? Let's stay in bed, watch some movies and eat our body weight in junk. If you're feeling up to it tomorrow, we'll organise things yeah? School work. Homework. Whatever. I'm back now, you don't have to do this alone."

[scattered-winter]

respectfully requesting newt from maze runner for the character meme !!

bro you've Awakened Something in me it's been far too long since I've talked about my boy my babygirl my blorbo

favorite thing about him

his selflessness!!! throughout all the events of the series (both the books AND the movies) he's consistently putting everyone else's needs before his own. he was one of the leaders of the Glade, which meant he worked day and night to keep the order and safety there. and outside the Glade, he pulled his own weight and even put himself in danger to protect the others on several occasions (saving Minho from the lightning storm is what immediately comes to mind but I know there's a lot more). and even in the death cure, when the flare is taking over and he can feel himself changing, he still stays focused and doesn't let that distract him or anyone else from the end goal. to me it's just....heartbreaking, really. he suffered in silence because he didn't want his friends to grieve him while he was still standing there, and so he had to deal with slowly losing his mind by himself

least favorite thing about him

his SELFLESSNESS

listen I can love and hate the same thing about a guy

the fact that he was so focused on the group's survival just added so much more angst to the story and it causes me PAINNNN. like!! in the movies specifically, they were SO CLOSE to giving him the cure!!!!!!!!! they were so achingly close!!!!!!!! but he'd been fighting the virus for so long and it finally took over and he died only moments before the cure arrived. I'm fukcijgn

favorite line

"great, we're all bloody inspired"

brOTP

Minho and Newt are BESTIES ok. they're besties. I cry about them every day. they're besties

same with Alby and Newt they were! leaders together! and neither of them made it out! I'm unwell!

actually on that same note. I think Minho was the oldest Glader to have made it out alive. all his friends and mentors who came before him are dead. I'm so fucking emo right now

honestly I love all of Newt's canon friendships! his friendship with Thomas is GREAT his friendship with the other Gladers is GREAT

nOTP

meh nothing really....strikes me as a nOTP tbh. in fact I don't really actively ship anyone in this series! usually when I hard-core ship something, it's because I felt unsatisfied with the media/felt like it's an interesting dynamic to be explored. I was fairly satisfied with the series as a whole and I felt like the overall point of them was complete without romance, and to add a lot of romance (excluding the thomas/teresa thomas/brenda stuff that was already there) would have just....blocked out the horror and morally gray themes, ya know? so idk I don't really have strong feelings about any romantic pairings in this specific piece of media

in fact, I saw someone point out that it would've been a stronger and more potent narrative if Thomas and Teresa were SIBLINGS instead of romantic partners and tbh that hasn't left my brain because they're RIGHT. it would've been soooo compelling ughh I'm going insane just thinking about the parallels here

OTP

all that being said, it's kinda fun to play with the narratives a bit :] most of the fic I intend to write in this fandom is friendship/family based, because of my feelings as stated above, but I'm not immune to the newtmas or minewt here <3 there's just something about two best friends who have been through hell and worse together getting to kiss <3

random headcanon

Newt actually left notes for EVERYONE, not just Thomas. he even left one with Thomas intended for Teresa, despite everything she'd done, but ofc she never got the chance to read it so Thomas just kept it in a pocket by his heart. and maybe one day, years later, after he finally found some semblance of peace and healing, he burned it to ash to finally say goodbye to them both

unpopular opinion

listen I love Newt but the fandom has a tendency to shove Minho aside to make room for him (especially hardcore newtmas shippers) which is... :/ let's all examine why that might be !

song I associate with him

Doom Days by Bastille. warning: you will cry.

favorite picture of him

hair floof <3 he's so blorbo shaped here idk

send me a character!

[nilikhangdiwa]

oh, so tumblr user nilikhangdiwa display name lancelot oshi name lance is gonna preach to us about lanwain? um. yes. i'm very sorry i'm not well about them. like, i'm not even the world's biggest ckit fan, but i WILL go insane and bonkers over lanwain. more under the cut.

SECTION 1: GAME CANON

sectioning this off because god knows that at some point i just have to ramble about all the extra lore worldbuilding that goes on in my brain. where do i even begin with them.

i'm not even going to give more than a passing mention to chikaita's general homosexual energy when lanwain are involved. "i'm glad you were my gawain." yeah, that's all you need to know.

lancelot's this little weird kid who was raised by fairies, and gawain's a noble knight who was saved by him and decided, hey, yeah, i can get you a job. which is frankly hilarious. and also, me too gawain. because, like, if i was on the verge of death and then got saved by lancelot, i too would be tripping over myself getting an excuse to hang out with him all the time.

they work really well together and have a nice rapport with each other! they tease each other a lot, and don't seem to mind each other's character quirks. gawain is brash and headstrong, and he can be a little bit of a snob sometimes, and lancelot balances him out by being more of a chill guy who just wants to do good and protect the people he promised to protect. they're opposites, fire and water, literally.

lanwain makes me really unwell because even if you don't see them romantically, they're just. really, really good friends. like, in the most literal way you can imagine me saying that. they work well together, they have each other's backs, they fight for each other and alongside each other.

and then, of course, bringing up the scenes after gareth's death in kniroun iv. my god. gawain is so chikage-coded. the perceived betrayal when lancelot "kills" gareth, the hurt he feels and the way he lashes out at lancelot because of it, following the orders of a higher power that he knows are wrong but he doesn't dare disobey and doesn't want to disobey. and even though lancelot comes from a completely different life, they still understand each other, somehow, and they're connected in some way.

sorry, i think it's horrible how you could put act 5 april into gawain's shoes and it still makes sense.

SECTION 2: THE CANON THAT'S REAL IN MY HEAD

this is all just extended universe stuff, so you're free to not read this part if you don't want to. anyone who knows me knows that i'm about to go on an insane ramble about gawain's corruption arc. but before that, some background and disclaimers.

this entire part is, like, what i imagine the kniroun games to be like in the universe of a3. like, i'm going to talk about kniroun as if i'm itaru or something, talking about a game that exists to me and is real to me and that i've played. this canon was developed primarily by my friend, kiri, and i, and then i kind of. got major brainworms about it. and they haven't actively done a3 in a while, so i kind of. um. went insane about it. so, yes. none of this is canon, but i like to pretend that it is.

now, with that out of the way, i'll start off with the quick things that are just quick headcanons. lanwain go outside and watch the stars together, and gawain isn't used to them because he's always hanging around people and chatting the night away, and he's absolutely captivated by them. and lancelot, who grew up watching the stars all night, stares at gawain instead.

gawain is a silly rich kid and lancelot's just a guy. they are the funniest trope ever.

okay, anyway, i need to explain the gawain corruption arc. i'm. not typing all of this out since it's almost midnight, so have this copy-pasted section from the last time i went insane about this.

BIG COPY PASTED SECTION STARTS NOW, THE END WILL ALSO BE MARKED, THERE WILL BE A TL;DR, BUT LIKE. Y'KNOW.

okay so for context, kniroun VI takes place after kniroun III and V, but V is more of a standalone kind of thing and gawain doesn't really show up in it, so gawain's story continues from III to VI, with the "flashback" of IV. and the flashback is very important! because we know of gareth before that, but IV is where we see gareth, and we're explicitly shown what kind of relationship he had with gawain, and how much gawain loves him. and it kind of highlights the overarching theme of freedom in gawain's story.

in I and II, gawain is just. gawain. he follows the king's orders, he follows what he's told and that's that. in III, there's a very slight shift, but it's not very easily noticeable unless you go through all the flavor text. and it's a lot of flavor text. so, of course, the VI corruption arc can seem really sudden to a lot of people, and of course it's not perfect, but i will defend this stupid arc with my life. in IV, we are shown just exactly what the consequences are for his blind obedience -- which he was born into! he was born and raised to be a knight since young! -- and in VI we are show the opposite, the consequences for his freedom.

and i think this makes a big difference compared to other corruption arcs or merlinification arcs, because he's not being coerced by someone else, like mordred or arthur in IV, but instead he's making his own bad decisions. and like. it's really kind of tragic! because previously his blind loyalty only led to destruction, and so naturally he would try to break free of that, literally or figuratively, not necessarily only from king arthur and the rest of society but also for himself. for the first time he's thinking for himself and i think that's really striking, but also very tragic because the consequences then of this decision are still the same: suffering, pain, death, destruction. ahem. it also kind of mirrors act 5 but you didn't hear that from me.

but i think it's also important that in the end its his own decisions that he does, and theres something freeing about that too that his actions are his own and he is not inconsequential, even if those consequences are literally So Bad. i think there's something that's very personal about stepping away from something you didn't necessarily have a choice in, and then coming back to it because you yourself have made the conscious decision to come back, because you have decided that it's something that you want to keep or cherish or whatever. and same with gawain, coming back is a decision that objectively good for the sake of britannia, but also for his own self, and he decided that he wants this, and that he wants to make up for what he did. and that makes all the difference, i think.

also lanwain kisses at the end of VI. i didn't make the rules.

it's also notable how the next game in the series then deals with the consequences of his corruption arc, and doesn't just pretend that it doesn't happen. i mean. they do still forgive him relatively quickly all things considered, but the fact is he still wants to atone for the damage that he's caused and i think VII is where there's that difference from his usual playful and unserious personality that he keeps even in VI. he's still very playful and teasing and flirty, but he's also got the burden of guilt on his shoulders, but also also the determination to do right. not that he didn't before! but it's very much more of a conscious effort to do so. and you have the feeling that he's grown a bit into himself as well, out of the person you meet in the earlier games who can be a little big dumb because all things considered, he's very sheltered, especially compared to lancelot who has seen so many things and was raised in the forest. like. he's groiwng as a person and as a character and it sticks, follows him in the succeeding games and it's just. wa. gawain corruption arc can be so personal.

COPY PASTED SECTION OVER. TL;DR, GAWAIN GOES KIND OF WILD IN VI IN SEARCH FOR FREEDOM, ENDS UP MAKING BAD DECISIONS LIKE A REBELLIOUS TEEN, AND THEN LANCELOT SMACKS HIM BACK TO HIS SENSES. EVERYONE NEEDS TO MAKE SOME MAJOR FUCK UPS ONCE IN A WHILE.

okay, i hope you're still with me. um. so, yes. that whole block of text is just to justify why i think lanwain kiss. because, lancelot is someone who wants to protect the people close to him, and by this point in the story, gawain is someone precious to him. and gawain goes rouge in search for himself, but he's hurting people and himself in the process, and lancelot wants to protect him too.

it's slightly giving sasunaru, but literally you didn't hear it from me.

during the i-know-you're-in-there fight that they have, their pasts both come to light, and like. gawain is lonely, dude. he doesn't have anything other than his duty. his one family member who's, like, actually near his age and not his parents died, and he feels like he doesn't really have anyone. and, of course, lancelot's like... well, you have me. i'll always be your partner. and. and. sigh. okay.

after lancelot beats the shit out of the gawain and knocks the sense back into his head, gawain is, naturally, very apologetic. and of course, the damage that he did doesn't just go away with the apology. there's a whole game afterwards that's just how he tries to make up for the damage he's caused! but lancelot is always there to stand by him and support him. he doesn't condone the things that gawain did, but he understands. he doesn't forgive the things that gawain did, because it's not his place to, not really, but he recognizes how gawain is trying to do better.

and in the other way, well. okay. there's a reason i don't have a big one thousand word essay about lancelot on hand, and it's because i'm lazy. but the other reason is because he's the player character. by design, he's a bit more of a blank slate than the other characters. nonetheless, you get a feel for him when you play, and by reading how he sees the world around him, you know? he's kind and golden-hearted, maybe a little naive at times. he's a nature boy. he likes to do good.

and gawain teaches him to loosen up a little. to think about himself more, instead of others always. as the games progress, your scope progresses, too. while there's obviously the aspect of technological advancements as the games get released, it's also nice to think that gawain is encouraging lancelot to expand his horizons and travel and be a little sassy. and rebel a bit, even, though lancelot's still a good boy at heart.

SECTION 3: KNIROUN META

very quick section because my braincells are dying. this section is just how kniroun fans in the a3 universe would see lanwain.

they're a really popular ship in kniroun, i'm pretty sure. like. obviously. the fans love them. in the jp version, they have all these cute, soft, slightly heartachey moments whenever they have their quiet moments together. in the english localization, i will not lie, they probably get hit by the friendship beam, but it's okay. the diehard kniroun fans will always shoot for them.

ANYWAY. that's about it, i think. i don't know anymore. but i love them, if you haven't noticed. i like kniroun a normal amount. um. what else. if i think of anything else i'll probably just make a new post, but this is insane and long already, so. yeah. thanks for reading!

[fluttering-by]

For the character ask, Miki Saburo from Hakuouki!

Aah thank you so much! Fair warning, my answers get a bit angsty, but... this is Miki Saburo we're talking about xD

Favourite thing about them: Just the tragedy of his character. I'm a simple girl, I love a bit of angst. Apparently I actually really like tragic purple-themed samurai who lose a beloved family member and fight until they stop defending themselves in the hopes they'll be killed because they just don't have the strength to go on, apparently that's a very specific character archetype I really like xD But just, the lengths he's willing to go for revenge, even down to being experimented on to become a new type of Fury, without even understanding all of the repercussions, because as long as he's driven by revenge (that he doesn't even get to fulfill because the demons keep beating him to it) he doesn't have to deal with the fact that his life as he knew it is over now, and he's on his own.

He also has absolutely no filter and I love that about him.

Least favourite thing about them: The fact that he never bloody shows up in anything! Okay, so there's this song called Love Taishi by DBoys that sings about fictional representations of the Shinsengumi, and each member gets a line about them, and Miki's is something along the lines of "he and his brother never show up in anything" and it's bloody true! I am honestly astounded we got a musical because seriously. We Miki fans get excited because a few pixels of his back were in the most recent anime for a few seconds. I know that that's not strictly answering the question because it's not about him personally but still!

Favourite line: Okay I have two I'm sorry but I can't choose!

Before the musical, I'd have said my favourite line was "Live longer, you say? Sounds like a hassle." Because oof that bloody well cuts deep, and it just perfectly sums him up honestly.

But now we have the musical, and my goodness; "My brother's dream won't come back, neither will he, never again, he always meant the world to me!" Ouch! Just ouch! I mean have you ever heard a more tragic song? (Even more tragic before they messed with pitch correction and just ruined the integrity of Sunagawa's performance because a pitch perfect rage song just doesn't work, but ah well what can we do?)

BrOTP: Maybe in another life, he could have been going out drinking alongside Heisuke, Sannosuke and Nagakura.

OTP: Miki/Souma - I don't have much to say because I'm honestly not that much of a shipper, and I'm sure it's the result of HoroFuwa that made me also interested in Miki/Souma because it's a similar kind of dynamic, of them both being at opposite ends but then coming together to realise that actually they're not so different after all. It gets me.

NOTP: I don't really tend to have many NOTPs as a general rule, honestly. Like the idea of two characters together has to make me feel actually unwell before I consider them a NOTP.

Random headcanon: So, Furies aren't supposed to be immortal, and that's something Miki himself finds out later after becoming one. But in real life, he actually lived well into his 80s. And the thing about Hakuouki is that, despite the demons and the hair colour and everything, it's actually very historically accurate. So, when a character becomes a Fury, that's usually when the person in real life died (aside from special cases like Souji), but Miki was not supposed to have died at that point... but being a Fury should have killed him eventually... So my random headcanon is that this new version of a Fury that he was coerced to become actually doesn't have that side effect (since he's also not weak to the sun like the others are) and so as he starts to get older, he starts to realise that the effects aren't weakening, and he's not aging. And so he becomes a recluse and hides out in the countryside with his chickens and his bonzai, one so that people around him don't notice he's not aging, and two because he's still just too distraught about Itou. Just because I love the idea that he became a Fury so that he could enact revenge on the ones that killed his brother, then he grew to give up on life, but no matter how much he just doesn't want to live in this world anymore, being a Fury is keeping him alive.

Unpopular opinion: I don't really know if I have an unpopular opinion? Just because from my experience, the people here that post about Miki... tend to do so as a fan, and we all very much would like him to have a route of his own! I don't think "Miki should have his own route" or "Miki needs more content" is unpopular? Everyone I've seen talking about the musical seemed to enjoy Sunagawa's portrayal of him. I don't really see many people saying that his actions weren't at the very least understandable. So I'm not really sure I have an unpopular opinion about him. It's so much easier being a fan of Miki than it is Horobi, seriously xD

Favourite picture of them: Easy!

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom 14-20 thoughts!! I finished up s1 :D these last few eps were actually really really good!!!

-did. did tucker really just say esperanto was a dead language only spoken as a secret code between geeks. google says around 100,000 people actively speak it. oh my god...it being an auxiliary language doesn't mean its 'just for geeks to speak in code' ...it helps bridge gaps between people who don't have a language in common...

-danny really isn't pulling punches when it comes to fighting the ghost-cop possessed people huh. like he SLAMMED KWAN INTO THE CONCRETE SO HARD. HE THREW PAULINA INTO A BILLBOARD. will that...I mean it WOULD carry over to their bodies non-possessed, right? like if the ghost piloting their bodies gets hurt?? itd be so upsetting to be possessed, lose time, then wake up covered in bruises (and possibly, broken bones??) real horror movie stuff im sure wont be addressed in any way

-tuckers parents seem nice! I like them :)

-WULF IS CUTE AND I FEEL BAD. im so glad the gang realized he was only causing trouble bc of the shock collar walker put on him and helped. also, him wearing that big hoodie with the hood on, and thinking its subtle. we can tell youre still a giant wolfie :) THEN GETTING SUCKED INTO THE PORTAL AAAAH :( anxiously waiting to see Him Again....

-DANNY BLASTING HIS PARENTS THINKING THEY WERE OVERSHADOWED LMFAO GET THEIR ASSES. maddie marking how many ghosts she gets with lipstick tallies on the side of her portal gun? kindaaa iconic tho. (ALSO, SHE WAS LIKE, 2 FT AWAY FROM HIM RIGHT AFTER SHE TRIED TO SHOOT HIM. HOW DO YOU NOT RECONINZE YOUR OWN SON??? like sure, he might have diff hair/eye colors. but like, if one of my family members dyed their hair, and was wearing contacts, its not like id be like 'wHO IS THIS STRANGER!!!' ...he still has all his facial features!! same everything!!! I hate it here)

-paulina being #1 girl realizing danny's a friendly ghost immediately. smart queen. lancer and kwan ran away right after he made this sweet baby face at them:

which is hilarious.

-ok. im not saying his bullying is JUSTIFIED, but. dash looked so pleased with the (cute!) poster he just painted, and danny comes thru the wall and spills paint on his nice letterman jacket. his anger is justified maybe 65% of the time so far...(not the way he handles it, but STILL.) at least lancer is stepping in!! and them making a silly little bet was...cute?? until dash pulled out his GROSS UNDERWEAR AND SAID DANNY WOULD HAVE TO EAT THEM???? WHAT THE FUCK MAN. TUCKER WAS SO RIGHT ITS FUCKING WEIRD TO CARRY THOSE AROUND EWWW. THIS KID IS UNWELL. lancer was right, his animatronic setup was SUPER IMPRESSIVE?? hes actually pretty creative. danny meanwhile is stealing the fright knight's design...I hope dash is taking art classes or smth with his sports

-fright knight is the most bestest ghost so far i LOVE THAT DESIGN. I am biased towards knights, and characters with swords, but he fucks so severely. and should sue danny for copyright infringement for stealing his design for his haunted house. if some 14 yr old broke into MY house and stole MY sword, id also be pissed. his evil winged unicorn rules too with its FANGS. and he just CAN SHOVE THE PORTAL OPEN WITH HIS HANDS??? is he the strongest ghost weve seen so far? idk but hes my fav. SOUL SHREDDER IS SUCH A COOL SWORD NAME TOO. ANY NAMED SWORD ALSO FUCKS. 'flaming bedsheets of DEATH' funny king. ALSO he was polite to dash and tucker when just asking for directions and telling tucker 'oh maybe, just a suggestion, maybe be nicer to me and be more respectful :)' I LOOOVE HIM.

-I noticed this in the Ember ep, but jazz has an electric guitar in her room!! talent musical queen!! its cool to see hobbies just in the bg.

-fright knight's murder castle reminds me of the booby trapped murder castle in zexal!! another supposedly 'for kids' show with murder/trap castles! we love that. if you are a dp fan reading this, give yugioh zexal a try. its also got 13-14 year old protags and involves (alien) ghosts. the cardgame is just a vessel for the plot, which is really good. (I just want more people to watch my fav yugioh, man)

-danny. with a SWORD.

-danny doesnt NEED TO WIN this contest, dash didnt STEAL HIS DESIGNS AND STEAL A SWORD. he also got excited to hear lancer got sent to a dimension with his worst fears too just so he could win the contest? DANNY WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!!! BRO MAYBE YOURE 14 AND HAVENT FULLY DEVOLPED YOUR WHOLE BRAIN YET, BUT...THATS FUCKED. this kid casually says the most deranged things, I do worry for my spooky son. once again, therapy needed. that judo toss was great tho. I wonder if he actually did pick up some martial arts stuff from his mom?

-danny can fly 112 mph!!! thats so fast! I love the lil montage of him and his friends testing his abilities and stuff, very cute and a good way to showcase what he can do by now and how much more proficient he's gotten from ep 1!!! I'm sure he's going to get more abilities :)

-im glad...maddie's at least TRYING this ep. I do feel for her because her husband is a man baby. but the fact it took 16 episodes to get a kinda semblance of any kind of real concern or attempts at bonding. hmm. jack's 'BACK OFF SHES A MINOR' @ the ghost trying to attack jazz. also was very funny. and him wanting to make an action figure of her? are the parents redeeming themselves to me? slightly. they gotta Work Harder

-THE GHOST. IS FLYING. THE PLANE.

-fenton machete. but she doesnt carry a PHONE??? ???

-I mean I expected vlad when you namedrop him earlier in the ep, and also the title card picture, and dalv corp being fucking vlad backwards. but seeing him just pull up on a golf cart made me bust out laughing. WITH the gift baskets prepared. why wouldnt you at least be suspicious. also, if he wants danny to be his lil sonboy, why is he so fucking malicious?? dude you are going about this in such a bad way. stop it. get some help.

-maddie not even hesitating to drag danny out. fucking good. danny is so right, go on the internet to date. get a cat. how do you spend...how many years?? has it been since college?? at least 20, right, since the parents/vlad are in their 40s? hung up on ONE girl. my god, man. incel drama queen. her kung fu IS impressive, but dude. 'we both know hes a creep' SO right. it sucks but they do need a phone and shit being in the middle of NOWHERE. also, just stealing his helicopter was great. <3

-'you must be exhausted carrying the weight of that mistake you made years ago' 'well we all make mistakes. maybe I'll make one now!' WHY DID THIS EXHCHANGE SEND ME. AND VLAD WITH THE BREATH SPRAY EWWW BITCH. 'OLD BAIT BREATH' SOO RIGHT. both danny and his mom playing him HAHAH hes so dumb. or rather, I think he thinks with his emotions too too much and is...actually pretty gullible? lmao he believed danny was ready to give in SO fast. (which is sad hes that hopeful, like you have SO MUCH MONEY YOU COULD EASILY GET ANOTHER GIRL WHO HAS A KID. AND WOULD WANT TO BE WITH YOU AND BE SUPPORTED. GET OVER THIS (1) WOMAN ALREADY IM GETTING SECONDHAND EMBARRASSMENT AAAAH)

-GHOST BEAR GHOST BEAR GHOST BEAR. it was also in the title card, but I still got very excited. we love bears here

-SAM'S BAT SWIMSUIT COVERUP!!! her outfits are simply iconic.

-'i'd tell you to go to the mens room, but I don't think you qualify' top paulina transphobic moments. :( and him wearing a tanktop to the swim park? hmmm! (actually I think she was overshadowed by then, so, KITTY top 10 transphobic moments??)

-kitty just piloting paulina around makes me feel SO bad tho, paulina's gonna wake up and be like 'wtf do you mean I was dating this rando' like youre leading danny on to make johnny jealous, and also just POSSESSING POOR PAULINA. dude take your relationship problems ELSEWHERE. last time we saw them, they seemed like such a cute couple!! wtf johnny!! I mean, she sucks for trying to make him jealous, he sucks for looking at other girls...maybe they need a break, but Not Like This. or, you know, just. better communication...

-and the A-listers having a full packet and a stamp system. who organizes this. kwan fucking owning being the new danny though, this is hysterical. THE TUCKER/KWAN FLOWER FIELD TWIRL. UNIRONICALLY ADORABLE. and him giving it his all for the poetry slam. bless his HEARTTTT.

-Star owns. actually, all of the extra characters are shining this ep and I love it.

-INVISO-BILL??? NOOOO THEY DID HIM SOO DIRTY. DANNY SWEETIE IM SO SORRY.

-johnny and danny bein friends and staging a fake fight (which danny takes too seriously, once again this child has aggression he NEEDS TO WORK OUT) I hope these three stay friends, I said it before but danny needs more friendly ghosts to hang with.

-at this point, Danny's ghost enemies are a lot like, I dunno, batman's rouge gallery is the first thing that comes to mind. they all have their own gimmick and unique designs, but most of them are easy to beat after learning the Moral Lesson. I still get excited when any of them show up again, though. 18 is another valerie episode!!!! :D skulker really said you two will get along if I have to handcuff you together <3 and the gym teacher really said, youre married now, have a flour baby! ngl, I'm not really watching this show for the shipping stuff (which I am very scared to look at the fandom for after I finish this watch through- I feel like there's probably discourse/arguing about ships...) but. I'm gonna put my opinion out there. valerie/danny > sam/danny. maybe I just really love the enemies to lovers trope. And the secret identity stuff adds Extra Flavor.

-SKULKER JUST HAVING THE BOX GHOST AND DANGLING HIM BY A STRING. HILARIOUS. and him watching them with binoculars and making his silly little commentary. AND MAKING THE SACK BABY CRY. LMAO. THIS DUDE IS A BABY KIDNAPPER. skulker is super fun

-danny, you just...collapsed the water tower. and then attacked the nasty burger machine...mascot thingy...out of anger..I KEEP SAYING HE'S GOT ANGER ISSUES BUT. HE REALLY NEEDS A LESSON IN MANAGING COLLATERAL DAMAGE!!! So does valerie!! They're both pretty focused on each other. I mean it's good of Danny to say he's trying to make sure PEOPLE don't get hurt, but... (I mean I guess it's not something 14 year olds WOULD worry about, but as an adult im like, who's going to fix that? how much money will that take??)

-TUCKER MAKING BANK. and sam and tucker being super emotionally attached to their flour baby and being pretty good parents. that's cute...also him just straight kissing her and being like. WAIT. O_O JDSKAFHD. his mom baking them into cookies was the funniest possible result. tbh I dont feel like this is on tucker, if anything the other kid's shouldve been more responsible! He was just taking an opportunity to get that $$ which I respect

-Danny being more understanding of Valerie's situation in the end (helping her at her job, too, and trying to keep that a secret for her!!!) And seeing them work together this ep, and also her letting phantom get her out of the ghost zone...was very sweet. LOVE that. more valerie eps pls

-me when I realize vlad's big stupid house exploded because of his own carelessness with changing the ghost portal ectofiltrator or whatever: *pointing and laughing*

-me when I realize it means he's gonna go make danny's life hell for it somehow: >:(

-SCOOBY PARODY!!! I feel like there's gotta be some scooby doo/danny phantom crossover stuff, right? also, 'guys in white' men in black wishes

-'oh, that's right! dad married the love of your life! you're bitter and alone!' DANNNNNYY GET HIS ASS ONCE AGAIN WE ARE POINTING AND LAUGHING AT VLAD

-'jack, you captured the ghost boy!!' UMM. he did nothing <3 'we have a weapon's vault??' YOU HAVE A WEAPONS VAULT??? and jack didnt put a handle on the inside. of fucking course he didnt! why would you leave that to your son!! or expect him to clean YOUR LAB when its where you work with probably dangerous chemicals and weapons and hes 14!! give him normal chores, like, I dunno, vacuuming, laundry, dishes...CMON. I hate it here. But I'm glad Jack is more chill about danny while he's a ghost, and willing to work with him for this ep. AND. I DID ENJOY JACK PUNCHING VLAD IN THE FACE. AND GENERALLY JUST OWNING HIM. the ghost punchy fists are actually amazing. like yeah, just punch a ghost in the face. that rules.

-ep 20 opens with the coolest fucking ghost lady design. her tattoos can come off and fight. MA'AM. I like ur nose ring and your cape maam hello 👉👈😳

-sam's grandma is hilarious and the most valid member of her family and I love her. thats my grandma now. and tucker covering for sam by dressing as her. thats true friendship <3 also skipping school to go to a goth circus. just bestie things! sam's parents are haters but for all the wrong reasons.

-'my family has controlled ghosts with this for generations!' WAIT. WAIT FREAKSHOW /ISNT/ A GHOST? I didn't expect that...he's just a fucked up guy controlling ghosts? anyway watching danny shoot at police cars and rob banks while mind controlled. its like, the most stereotypical 'bad' things lmao. (tbh an evil ghost circus troupe is a sick concept)

this gives off big deviantart emo edit vibes

(I'm going to assume evil circus reaper danny has a lot of fan content. people love an edgy au, except this one is canon (even tho its via mind control...having the protag go evil otherwise might be hard, I guess?) but au where he stays with the troupe...that has to exist, right?)

ANYWAY. excited to start s2!! lowkey surprised by how many notes some of these posts have gotten. I've gone back and tagged them all with 'dp thoughts' so they're easier to find on my blog! ^^ and I will probably possibly do (more) fanart on my art blog after I finish the watch of the whole show, so like. @sanchoyodraws follow my art blog :)

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Ninety-Three [PT. 1]

Words: 3k

Warning(s): explicit language, drug abuse

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NIKKI

1987

I throw another drink back not long after yelling obscurities at Viv as she stomped out of VIP to leave and go home, between more lines of blow, a trip to the bathroom to get a fix and some drinks, we decide to take the party to Steven's new place. 

"You guys just can't be too loud, though, got it?" He says as sternly as he can as we get inside and he fumbles for his key. 

"Alright, alright, alright," I mumble, stepping inside, grabbing his bottle of Jack off the counter before getting comfortable on the floor by the window. 

We all talk--as best we can--for a little while, Steven and the boys making some calls to get some dealers here, and the only thing on my mind is getting a potent fix, until I hear something...very faint, very familiar...very, very, familiar...I furrow my brows to focus more, ignoring the guys' laughter and voices, my eyes training on the wall opposite of me. 

My subconscious puts it together before my conscious does, like smelling a blanket from a childhood home and immediately being taken back before your brain can quite grasp the feeling. 

Multiple memories shrouding that sound of Vivian that only she can really pull off. 

It doesn't take rocket science equation solving skills to put together why I'm currently hearing her soft, pretty moans carry on next door. 

I'm pretty sure more members of Guns, aside from Steven, are staying here right now. 

Apparently Stevie hears it not long after and slips into the next suite, where the sound is coming from, that's connected to his suite. 

I don't hear it anymore after he gets back in here. 

"Dealer's coming or what?" I ask Steven, my high starting to get blowed from the fact that my wife is next door on her back for someone who isn't me. 

I'd be jealous if I weren't numb to it by now.

"They're all tied up, man." Steven tells me and I groan, thinking for a second. 

An idea comes to mind that makes me want to bang my head against the wall, but I'm desperate and left with no option at this point. 

"I know a guy," I mumble, dragging myself up to the phone in the little kitchen area, reluctantly dialing a number I never wanted to dial again. 

It rings once...twice...three times… 

"Hello?" He answers and I roll my eyes. 

"'Sup man, it's Nikki." I reply, trying to put on my best "friendly" voice, even though it's making my blood boil that the bastard I could see myself killing is ultimately the one that's gonna be able to save the day. 

"Hey, dude." He replies. 

"Me and a few buddies of mine are out here at the Franklin Plaza Suites and need a few things." I rub the back of my neck. 

"Yeah?" 

"Yeah." 

It's quiet, and he reluctantly breathes out. 

"I'll see what I can do." I can hear the satisfaction in his voice that I'm having to call him. 

Within the next forty minutes there's more people here than I'm comfortable with, groupies, and hangerson, and other drug adoring morons, and then my saving grace comes through the door once Steven lets him in. 

Slash is already slipping into a Jack induced stupor. Sally came in a few minutes ago screaming at all of us guys for leaving her at the Cat House. 

We didn't even realize we'd forgotten her. 

She's in the bathroom, probably keeping herself in there to keep from starting an argument with Slash in front of everyone. 

Robbin's on the phone with Laurie.

Apparently it's just in men's nature to get fucked up, call our wives, and profess our undying love for them despite the fact we cheat on them nearly every time we hangout with our friends. 

I wonder what would happen if I went in there on her and Duff right now. 

What would she say? 

Probably nothing. 

She'd just look at the floor and try not to cry, probably. 

What would I do? 

I know that I know what's going on between them, but if I actually walked in and saw them together, caught in the act…

I'd either be a pussy and cry over it, or kill them both--him first and make her watch, and then just slowly torture her or something. God, I'm fucked up. Even though I'm pretty sure being married to me is torture enough to her. 

I know it's torture to me, too. 

"Here dude," Sparkie hands me a syringe and a spoon, and I look at him, too out of focus to concentrate on getting it right. 

"Fix me." I say to him and he scoffs. 

"Okay, dude." He starts getting it ready and I look at that wall again. Staring at it, taking a sip of my drink. 

Fucking Vivian. 

Of course. Her. Of all the women I've hooked up with and dated in my life, she--the most harmless, at least in my dumbfuck mind when I first met her--is the one to screw me over like this. 

And I've let her. 

If I did what Vince does to Sharise and have that whole, "no hanging out with your boy friends without me" rule, this wouldn't even be an issue. 

That's the problem. Somewhere along the way I loosened her leash a little too much and now she's chewed her way through it entirely. 

"You look like you're in hell, you know," Sparkie tells me, fixing the tourniquet around my arm… "But that's okay, you're about to be in heaven in just a few seconds." He assures me. 

I know he's right. I just need to hang on to that. 

In just a few seconds, I'll be--

I hear Vivian, again, and I reach around my neck and grab onto her cross I've been wearing for weeks, now, squeezing it at the sting of the needle going into my skin. 

I feel him shoot me up, my mind waiting to chase and catch the high that I just know is about to come. 

My fingers slip from the crucifix, and I feel myself fall back before a weightless feeling washes over me.

Present

I keep rereading the damn paper, repeatedly, trying my hardest not to throw a fit...

Nikki Sixx and his wife, Vivian, recently confirmed that she is indeed pregnant issuing a simple and straightforward,"Yes, it's true," statement earlier this week through Nikki's manager, and--as speculated--her pregnancy is not with Nikki. Many fans and some friends of the couple are blown out of the water by this sudden turn of events, others who are familiar with the rockstar and his band but never really paid much attention to his personal relationships, are now curious as to who exactly Vivian Sixx is. Well, in an open letter, rumored to be intended for print in Rolling Stone, a few anonymous former roadies of Mötley Crüe--who partook on their Girls, Girls, Girls, tour in 1987--are here to introduce who they saw behind the scenes of flashing cameras and public sweet moments with husband Nikki. 

"This is a letter to Mötley Crüe fans, we're a mere handful of people out of the many who witnessed monstrosities behind the scenes while on tour with the Crüe since Summer of 1987, none of which were caused by the band or any members, themselves, but one woman in particular. We had no reason to really bring any of this up, but in light of recent news, we are disheartened and angered of the betrayal against one of the four men who gave us an opportunity to live several months in our lives that will forever impact us in the best way known, and provide heartwarming memories by the dozen. This is not an attack on Nikki Sixx, especially given his past struggles with opioid addiction, alcoholism, as well as his abusive wife. The first time we met Vivian, she was polite and friendly, but very assertive. It was obvious it would be her way or no way,  and often times she and Nikki would go back and forth with who was running things. It was obvious Nikki was unwell at times, whether it'd be hungover, sick from withdrawal or simply tired from a show the night before. Vivian would choose these times when he was at his most exhausted to pick fights with him. He'd tell her to go away or 'f**k off,' and she'd continue to verbally and mentally beat him down more than he clearly already was. When Rolling Stone came to interview the band shortly after the wild rumor Vanity started publicly, we were told Vivian had tried to physically attack the reporter working on the story, simply because he made the comment that Pepsi wasn't good for her. Small things like that would often set her off, leaving security, managers, and band members to try to dodge fists while pulling her off of her unsuspecting victim, who was typically Nikki. Many times we'd hear them arguing in the hotel rooms, dressing rooms, bathrooms, tour bus, etc., usually followed by sounds of what we can only describe as 'pitchy, hungry, pornstar moans' on her part--clearly using her body to get back in his good graces after wearing him down. After their fights, Nikki would always have a bottle of alcohol on hand, some kind of drug, and would keep to himself. Our comradery with him soon began to dwindle with each month because it was obvious she was beginning to suck the life out of him. He was more introverted overtime, and higher more often than he was at the beginning of the tour. It really got bad when Guns N' Roses came on tour for a month, because Vivian's attacks on him and the other members of Mötley Crüe, began to pop off as randomly and explosively as fireworks. We'd witness some foul exchange (brought on by Vivian)  between her and Nikki backstage, either verbal or physical, nearly every night. People can talk down on the Crüe for being bad boys, but they've shown everybody that's helped them on tour, gratitude. All the wives and girlfriends that would come on that we'd offer food and drinks to would always express gratitude with a smile and a warm heart, but Vivian would always stay silent and cold towards us. She's a trashy, bitchy, whiney, hateful, spiteful, conniving, plotting python that now has her cold-blooded grasp around not only Nikki's neck, but also Duff's. Her game is to find the most well rounded guys while maintaining under her guise that she's a kind, Christianly woman, and see how far she can push them until they work themselves to death, literally, with trying to please her. We aren't surprised that she's pregnant, she probably video taped herself conceiving the damn thing and sent it to Nikki. We hope she did so it can be practice  for her inevitable low-budget porn career when she runs out of rockstars to f**k and kill, as we've mentioned, she already sounds like one in the throws of passion. Anyway, Nikki, we're hoping you decide to kick her aside and start fresh. Duff, get a paternity test, dude. Crüe fans, don't let that red-headed bitch fool you."

"Who the hell is Page Six to give these bastards a platform in the first place, Doc?!" I snap.

"Nikki, I am handling it, I'm on it--"

"--You tell the L.A. Times and Rolling fucking Stone if they take this shit and run with it, too, I'm personally coming to their offices and fucking them up. Not the publications themselves, but the people trying to put this out there in print, individually." I hiss.

"Nikki, just--" 

"--And who the hell--what roadies did this?!" 

"I don't know, Nikki, but I'm trying my hardest to get it cleaned up." He assures me. 

"'She's a trashy, bitchy, whiney, hateful, spiteful, conniving, plotting python that now has her cold-blooded grasp around not only Nikki's neck, but also Duff's. Her game is to find the most well rounded guys while maintaining under her guise that she's a kind, Christianly woman, and see how far she can push them until they work themselves to death, literally, with trying to please her'?!" I read that snippet, just so he can be reminded how fucked this is, trying my hardest not to start pitching a fucking fit. 

"Fucking AJaxx isn't even cleaning this up! Press mongrels are gonna be humping these bastards legs for giving them sales for the next nine months!" I outburst. 

"Sixx, don't worry about it, alright? It won't go past this shitty Page Six story, okay?" 

"It's fucking horse shit." I ignore him, trying to keep my cool. "Fuck." I kick at the leg of the table, running a hand through my hair.

"I guess one decently positive thing is that Viv doesn't know about this," he says next and I shake my head a little, feeling a migraine starting to come on, strong. 

I was tempted then to check myself out of rehab and 'handle' it myself, but decided it wouldn't be worth it. I hoped it would go away and it would all blow over eventually.

"Vivian, don't listen to any of it, alright? Me and you and everyone on that tour know damn well it wasn't just you being a bitch and us being the innocent victims." I say through the phone as Viv tries to calm down, her breathing shaky and ragged from crying so much. 

"I know that but the fans and other people don't know that." She says to me, her voice quiet and tired. "I'm so embarrassed, Nikki." She adds. "I'm already embarrassed that everybody knows I cheated on you but now this whole thing…" she trails off and I feel guilt tug at my heart. 

I don't know what the fuck to say. 

I'm used to criticism from the press, but none of them have tore into me or any of the guys--except Vince after the Razzle accident--so personally and extensively as they're tearing at her. 

Calling me a devil worshipper and saying my music is shitty gets annoying and frustrating and even infuriating at times, but attacking my wife and calling her a low budget porn star and telling me to kick her aside? 

Fuck that. 

"I'm sorry, Viv. I really am." I assure her, honestly, closing my eyes when I hear her stifle a little sob out. "Where are you at right now?" I ask. 

"Duff wanted me to meet his family." She tells me. "I'll be back Saturday." 

I'm relieved she actually has a reason for not being here, but I'm also hurt that she didn't give me a heads up. But I don't want to talk about it right now. I think she's been punished enough today. 

"Okay...you didn't show yesterday and I was just worried." I admit. 

"I know, it was just a spur of the moment thing. He asked me last week and I didn't think it'd be an issue." 

"Oh." 

I glance around and let out a breath. 

"I, um, I'm gonna go. I got a group thing with the guys at 3:00." I tell her. 

"Okay." 

"Are you gonna be okay or do I need to break out and kick someone's ass?" I ask her, half-joking, and she laughs, making me smile. 

"I'll be okay." She tells me. 

"I'll see you next week, Sixx." 

I can practically hear the smile in her voice when she says, "see you next week." 

We hang up and I rub my lips together, taking a few deep breaths before heading to where me and the guys meet with Amber three times a week now. 

Tommy and Vince are waiting for me, and I plop down beside them, leaning forward, elbows on my knees, hands running over my face…

"Psst," Tommy nudges me and I look at him as Vince gets up to grab a cup of coffee. 

"What?" I ask him, and he puts his finger over his mouth. 

"You seen the shit they're on Vivian for?" He whispers and I furrow my brows, looking around. 

"The room is empty except us, dude, why are you--"

"--Shh," he says. 

"Why are you whispering?" I finish my sentence. 

"Because they probably have this motherfucker bugged out the ass." He replies, glancing around again. "I'm thinking of breaking outta here, man." He whispers very, very quietly. 

"You do know we're not being held here by legal obligation, right? They won't chase us down and have the cops on us if we just check ourselves out." I point out and he furrows his brows a little. 

"Oh." 

"Why do you wanna 'break out'?" I ask. 

"I miss Heather and my dogs and I wanna be able to be there Viv, dude. She fucking needs us right now and we're, like, over an hour away--disconnected from shit. I mean we wouldn't even know what the fuck was going on in the world if Doc wasn't keeping us in the loop, ya know?" 

I think about it for a second. 

"We're over a month into our three month stay, dude." I state. "We can't just throw in the towel, now." 

"I don't mean ditch it and stay gone. I just mean check out for a few days, go back home, see what all is going on and come back." He shrugs. 

It seems oddly appealing. 

Way too appealing, actually. 

"I don't know, Tommy…" I rub the back of my neck.

"I already talked to Vince about it and he's down."

"Of course he is." 

"And we wouldn't be doing it tomorrow or anything. I'm thinking next week." 

"Does Doc know?" I ask. 

"Fuck Doc." He scoffs. 

"Agreed." I nod, chuckling. 

"So, you in or not, man?" 

"Just for a few days?" 

"Just for a few days." 

"Then we're all coming back in?" 

"Like we never left to begin with." 

"No drugs, no parties, not even alcohol." 

"Just spending time with our families and then back to the grindstone." He states. 

"...I'm in."

 ...You know when you're on a shitty diet, eating boring, tasteless, "healthy" food, and then decide you've been stuck to your diet long enough that you can have one slice of cake because you're disciplined enough to control yourself? And now, two years later, you're still telling yourself you'll get back on your diet because after that slice of cake you just said, "fuck it," and never thought about forcing yourself to eat lettuce again? Let's just say leaving rehab prematurely works the same damn way.

[nine-mp3]

Your Neighbor Sungho | Ch. 1

Photo Credits:

- left hand corner, @116page

- center, @newat_rie

Rie (sungho) x (female) reader, fluff, slice of life, semi-angsty (?)

appearances of other OnlyOneOf and Dreamcatcher members will occur

hey so I rolled a wheel on who to write a fanfic first and got rie plus picked out a prompt to write from

warnings: alcohol, getting drunk; in this fic is PG-13, some light cursing occasionally, super tiny mention of smut in description beginning and that’s all;

btw i’m pretty sarcastic, there’s sarcasm thrown here and there, hope you enjoy :D

This is my first time sharing my writing on a public platform. As a writer, I always appreciate constructive criticism. Feel free to leave feedback in the comments if you have anything to say. Thank you in advance for reading as well

Also, please DO NOT repost my work anywhere without my permission or plagiarize.

Description: your neighbor, sungho, from the day you've moved in has kept you up countless nights with their significant other. dancing, muffled long conversations, and amongst other noises you wished you could wipe from memory. one day it suddenly stops. those days become months.

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Your neighbor, Sungho, from the day you've moved in has kept you up countless nights with their significant other. Dancing, muffled long conversations, and amongst other noises you wished you could wipe from memory. One day it suddenly stops. These days become months. Now, you couldn't help but to be concerned.

Sungho isn't a bad neighbor. You recall complaining to him at some point, amidst trying to focus on a report you had to write up for work, and he apologized for the noise. Many times. He seemed embarrassed, never realizing how thin the walls were in the apartment building, and promised to keep the noise levels down. These promises would last only about a week. Their significant other was quite the complete opposite of Sungho, a loud individual. From what you were aware, the two didn't live together. His significant other would come over daily to stay or visit.

As much as they were loud, they didn't seem to like you either. Looks of disdain thrown whenever you happen to cross them in the hallway, being in the same elevator cart, or when Sungho was trying to be a good neighbor by greeting you. They would pull him away immediately, putting his attention back on them. Sometimes you thought that they were being loud on purpose, knowing that you were next door, and very well aware of the complaints. The reason why? You had no idea. The best guess you could come up with was that they saw you as a threat to their relationship. Which was ridiculous. You hardly knew the male nor could the both of you call each other friends.

Sometimes Sungho left fruits or drinks at your door with little notes of apologies for their rowdiness. And for their significant other's behavior. For the most part, you bared through it or simply did all your work within the hours at your office now and prayed that tiredness would consume you once you hit your bed, blocking out any disturbances.

So, life goes on.

One weekend, you just happened to get home from going out with your friends. It was late, past midnight. You heard arguing through the walls between Sungho and their significant other.

"You're always like this, Sungho!"

Immediately, you felt very uncomfortable entering your apartment. It wasn't something you wanted to hear or should be hearing. Not that you could help it either since you lived next door. You backed yourself outside, considering going to the balcony on the floor for a bit. Stepping back outside of your door, their argument becomes muffled.

Why couldn't the landlord just keep the damn wall consistency the same?

Suddenly, Sungho's door flies open followed by their significant other storming out. You jump up out of surprise, the noise scaring you. They're heading down the hallway, to the elevators, without looking back. Sungho appears at his door not too long after, holding it open.

"Wait-" he calls out to them, his voice faltering.

The male notices you then, staring with wide eyes at him. At that moment, you were able to get a full picture of his current position. The hurt in his eyes.

"Oh...y/n. Are you here to complain about the noise again? I'm really sorry-"

"Uh, no! No, not at all. See, I just was returning home now. Don't worry about it," you said, awkwardly blinking a few times, reaching to grab for your keys from your bag once again.

"Um, I'm heading inside now! Okay, bye!"

You immediately opened your door again, rushing, running into your living room. The door shuts behind automatically and you let out a sigh of relief. You felt bad for suddenly running away, but you weren't about to ask or give relationship advice if Sungho wasn't asking for it. Besides, what if it was only a lover's quarrel?

They'll probably make up soon. Talk about a rough night…

Then the realization set in. The apartment would be definitely quiet for at least another day. A smile rises to your face.

What a horrible thing to be happy over...after seeing your neighbor fight with their significant other. Then again, they weren't all that nice to me.

You shrugged, waving the events aside, calling it a night, enjoying the peaceful silence...only with the slight remaining, lingering tension in the air. After you showered, brushed your teeth, and changed into pajamas, you immediately laid down on your bed. Pulling the covers over, you found yourself thinking. Staring up to the ceiling of your room in the dark.

That argument sounded bad though...ugh. None of your business, y/n. Go to sleep. They'll probably be fine tomorrow…

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Define the term "fine".

The next day, as you predicted, was quiet. That you could hear a pin drop from down the hallway. You enjoyed it, a Sunday afternoon peace. It allowed you to catch up on work, eat, watch T.V, write poetry...overall without any disturbances. Sungho, your neighbor, was long forgotten from your mind.

The thing is, it goes on for the next week. You weren't worried about it at all because you were swamped with work. The next reports and presentations came with close deadlines. The silence was appreciated, allowing you to focus; you got lost in piles of work and many cups of coffee.

Worry about your neighbor only returned on the brief encounters when the both of you were heading to work in the mornings. Sungho still greeted you, but only with a brief nod and face expressionless. They would walk ahead first, not bothering to see even if you returned the greeting or not. Sometimes you heard him leaving earlier than you and now you couldn't help but to wonder what his occupation was.

The week turns into two and three. He stops greeting you at some point, or maybe he wasn't very aware of his surroundings; his whole aura was different. Sungho usually would at least do his hair before going out and dress somewhat decently. Now it was always a mess, his bangs left down to cover his eyes, matching with black attire. You saw him up close in his current condition when you were returning to the apartment building one afternoon. The male had collided into you, by accident. Turning around immediately on the impact, once you had regained your balance, you're faced with eyes that were written with sleepless nights, dark circles prominent. At least, this time, he mumbles an apology before moving on.

By the time it reaches the end of the month, your workload becomes lighter for the year, you find more time thinking about the current situation of your neighbor. You called up one of your best friends at your workplace one night. It wasn't the first time you discussed your neighbor with them.

"Yoojung, it's the end of the month. I haven't seen his significant other in awhile. As much as I enjoy the silence, I hate seeing Sungho this dead," you said, a hand gripping onto the balcony railing out of nervousness.

“Note check. You don’t even know the guy. Why exactly are you so worried?” Yoojung on the other end replies.

Your friend had a point. Why were you worried?

“Well…I don’t have an answer, actually. I don’t know why I’m worried. Can’t I just be a good neighbor?” you replied.

“It’s none of your business, y/n. Looking at reality. But if you’re so worried, go knock on his door and talk to him. Even if it’s just a hello. Didn’t he leave you fruits before? You can do that in return if you’re so curious,” Yoojung suggested, not sounding all that interested.

“Anyways, you’re coming to the group outing for dinner next week right? On Saturday? Please tell me you didn’t forget or you plan on cancelling. We hardly ever get a chance for everyone to come together again.”

“Alright, thanks so much for the advice...I guess...and keep your pants on, Yoojung. Of course I’m coming. Good night,” you scowled at him.

You hung up the phone then, not giving a chance for the other to say his goodbye. As much as he was your best friend, he could be a pain in the ass. Turning around, you exited out the balcony to return back to your apartment for the day.

So much for calling it a night.

Once you make it back, you’re greeted with Sungho at your door, hunched over, using an arm to keep his weight up against the wall. First thought that came to mind: he’s unwell and he came to ask you for help? You immediately approach the male, only to be hit by a smell of alcohol and you jolt back. The second thought you had, only confirmed: he’s drunk.

“Sungho?! Are you okay?” you asked nervously, tapping his shoulder lightly.

The male looks up to you, quite confused.

“y/n? Oh. Yeah...I’m fine. Just trying to get into my apartment...but the key.... doesn’t seem to fit…” Sungho said, words spoken slowly as he tries to stand upright.

“Did...the landlord change the locks?”

“No, no. The landlord didn’t. You’re at the wrong apartment, this one is mine. Uh, do you need help?” you said, raising an eyebrow at him.

“Ah...well, that makes...sense now,” Sungho said, a drunk written smile appearing on his face.

“No, it’s okay...I’m always disturbing you... I’m really sorry...Have...a good night, y/n.”

It’s the first time you’ve seen him smile in such a long time. Of course, it only happens to be when he’s not sober. Also, you’re very aware that drunk people do need help but always deny it. You watch as he turns around, folding your arms and counting down in your head.

3... 2...1

The male collapses on the ground, completely knocked out from the alcohol in his system. You blew up at your hair, huffing then, staring down at his figure on the ground.

This night just got a whole lot longer.

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