#even when i do want anything i simply don't have enough willpower to wait or work towards it rip...... | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ratralsis · 1 year ago

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3. The Web

Table of Contents

"Wait, in five weeks? The middle of May?" Kevin asked around a mouthful of diced chicken and onion. He coughed, then took a drink of water to wash it down. "I graduate then. I invited you to the commencement and everything. My parents are going to be there."

"I know, I know," Marigold countered, poking at the last bit of a green pepper on her plate. She was always a faster eater than he was. Or maybe he spent too much time talking between bites. "But we wouldn't have to leave until a few days after that, right? So it should be fine. You can do both things!" She lowered her chin and looked up at him, her eyes wide in a puppy-dog stare.

"Hrm," Kevin shoveled the last of his own food into his mouth. He didn't feel much like trying to savor it any more. He stood and held out a hand, and she dutifully passed him her plate and silverware, which he took to the sink.

Marigold, he had learned since his first visit, did not cook for herself, and lived mostly on takeout and frozen meals that she heated up in her microwave. That was a travesty, as far as Kevin was concerned, and so he had taken it upon himself to come to her place at least twice a week with ingredients for them to have a home-cooked meal together. This evening, it had been a traditional Mexican stir-fry recipe that his grandmother had taught him. It was one of his favorites, but now his stomach was trying to tie itself into a knot as he contemplated Marigold's request.

"Even if you say we can do both," he said to her over his shoulder as he loaded up her dishwasher, "I was going to go home over that weekend with my parents, spend a few days visiting old friends. Not to mention that I have to focus on my job search. What if somebody asks me to start the next week?" Marigold was still pouting at him. He averted his gaze. Prolonged exposure to that was lethal to his willpower, and she knew it. If he looked at her for too long, she could get him to agree to anything.

Some distance might help him to stay strong. He walked past her to the loveseat in front of her television, settling himself into its soft, worn cushions. Marigold joined him and leaned into him, her smaller frame nestled under his raised arm. "Then you tell them that you need three weeks, what's the big deal?" she pleaded with him. "This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for me, and it's not like I know anybody else who can do it."

He groaned. "Did you ask?" When Marigold reacted with silence, he continued. "Anybody else, I mean. Did you ask anyone before you came to me with this big of a favor?"

"Yes," she said simply. "I did."

"Who else did you ask to drive you two thousand miles and back?" he said, feeling an edge creep into his voice and trying to stop it.

"Nobody you know," she said. "It doesn't matter. I have other friends, Kevin." He turned his head and looked directly into her eyes, his annoyance at the obvious lie allowing him to endure the power of her eye contact. Her gaze flicked to one side, then to him.

"Okay, fine, yes," she admitted, lifting her hands a few inches from her thighs and letting them drop. "You were the first person I asked. Can you blame me for that? You're the one guy I know with a big enough car, and you're obsessed with working on it, so I know it can handle the trip. And, I don't know, I thought it might be fun to spend two and a half weeks together, the two of us, doing something important to me."

She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "This is important to me. I wanted it to be important to you, too."

He sighed and leaned back on the sofa, pulling Marigold with him, and they sank into its many cheap cushions. He turned and put his other arm around her, hugging her. "Of course you're important to me. But this is the first step of my career, and I have to be careful of any missteps. Gaps in my resume from when I graduate to when I start my first job are going to look bad, and I have to start repaying my loans as soon as possible."

"It's three weeks! You're gonna be an accountant for the next, what, fifty years?"

"Okay, I know you think you're kidding, but that hits pretty close to home," he said. He closed his eyes and gathered his thoughts. "Look. Maybe, I don't know, I'll bring my laptop, keep sending out resumes as much as I can and checking my email when we stop somewhere at night. I can do interviews over the phone, I guess. Lots of people take some time off after graduation. Nobody I know, but probably some people do."

Marigold craned her neck to lightly brush her lips against his cheek. "Yes, exactly!" she said. "See? There's no downside. It's not like anybody's gonna ask you to start working the day after Memorial Day, right? There's gotta be a little flexibility there."

"Considering how many people graduate compared to how many entry-level jobs open up every year, not really," he said, feeling his stir-fry turn into a heavy lump in his stomach as he resigned himself to this new fate. "Still, if this really is once-in-a-lifetime for you, I'll figure something out. I can't exactly force my girlfriend into using a less reliable car to get all the way out there and back while I sit at home pretending everything's fine."

"You will not regret it, I promise," she said, and gave him another kiss. He felt himself smile automatically, and he reminded himself that he was supposed to be angry. "It's gonna be so much fun. I planned everything out. You can drive for ten hours a day if we take breaks every few hours, right?"

"Maybe?" he said, unsure himself. "I've never done it. Can't we take turns?"

Marigold stared blankly at him, the confusion on her face obvious even to him.

"Like, I can drive in the mornings. Then you can, um, drive after lunch?" He trailed off as Marigold kept staring at him.

"Kevin, I don't drive. You know that." She said it as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"What I know is that you don't have a car," he said. "Your driver's license is valid, though, right? I've seen you show ID before."

"Legally, I can drive," she said. "But I haven't done it in a few years. And I've certainly never driven a van."

"It's not that hard, especially once you're on the freeway." The look on her face made it clear to him that that wasn't the point, and his plan involving teaching her how to drive a van died before he'd had a chance to finish figuring it out.

"I don't drive," she said again. "It's not up for discussion."

"I don't get it, though. Why not?"

Letting out a weary sigh, Marigold distanced herself from him, his arms falling limply away from her. Her gaze drifted away. "It's a long story. I don't really like talking about it."

He inched closer to her, partly closing the gap she'd made between them, but he didn't try to hug her again. He felt like he towered over her even from a seated position, and he didn't want to seem intimidating. "At this point, I feel like I've known you long enough to deserve to know, don't I? You're asking me to spend, what, sixty, seventy hours driving you around without offering to help with it at all?"

She crossed her arms over her stomach and looked away from him. "Okay, fine," she said. "But you gotta keep this between us, okay?"

"Who would I even tell?"

She let out a frustrated sigh as she squeezed her eyes shut, her brow furrowed. "Humor me," she said, then looked at him again. When Kevin obediently stayed quiet for several seconds, she continued. "It was when I was seventeen. Christmas break of my Senior year. I was driving home. It was late, I was drunk, I hit some ice going way too fast and got into a really bad accident. Totaled the car. Lost my license for a while. First offense, I was a minor, it wasn't that long. But still, now I don't drive."

Marigold looked at Kevin, silently pleading for some kind of a response. "That's terrible," he finally said. "Were you okay?"

A bittersweet smile formed on her lips. "No, Kevin," she said. She shifted in her seat, bringing her legs up and under herself so that she was sitting on her knees. With a delicate movement, she lifted her shirt with her right hand to show her stomach. It was nothing he hadn't seen before. Radiating out from her navel was a black spiderweb tattoo, a solid pattern of shades and gradients that went from the bottom of her rib cage to the top of her hipbones. He'd been impressed the first time he'd seen it, but she'd never made a big deal about it. She took his right hand in her left and traced it along her skin.

"You feel that?" she asked. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to be feeling, exactly, but he was confident that he wasn't supposed to tell her that he enjoyed touching her. He nodded, instead. "I was pretty messed up in the accident. Critical condition for a while. I don't remember much of my time in the hospital, but it was pretty touch and go."

He bit his tongue. This was heavy stuff. He'd made the right choice in nodding, and continued to be silent as he processed this new information about the woman he cared for so much.

She took a long, shaky breath. "When I turned eighteen, I got this to cover up the scars. I didn't ever want to see them anymore. I wanted something that I put there on purpose. Something big enough to cover it all up. Something beautiful, that I could use to pretend it wasn't there."

"Jesus, Marigold, I had no idea," Kevin said, the words tumbling out of him. "But you're okay now, right?"

"No," she shook her head. "I told you, I'm not. Probably, if I hadn't chosen to get a tattoo, the scars would be hard to see by now. But that's only what's on the outside. The internal scars are still there." Her gaze flickered to his eyes before retreating again. "That's not a metaphor. There's a chance I'll never be able to have kids."

Kevin was at a loss for words, and the room fell silent. He wished there was music playing, at least, but all he heard was the sound of the city through the closed window. He looked down at her stomach, his fingertips still lightly brushing the scars below her navel. Scars that he hadn't known were there until a minute ago. He swallowed. "Ever?" he asked. The question hung heavily in the air.

"I don't know," she whispered.

He withdrew his hand and she lowered her shirt. "I'm sorry," he said.

She laughed once. "What are you sorry for?" she asked. "Nobody's fault but mine that I did what I did. I was a dumb kid and I did a dumb thing and now I get to carry it around with me forever."

He shook his head. "I mean I'm sorry I brought it up like this. That I forced you to tell the story. You said you didn't like to talk about it, but I insisted, and that wasn't right."

"No, you were right, you deserved to know."

"And you deserved your privacy," he interrupted. "And to tell me when you were ready, if ever. Not because you wanted me to do all of the driving to get you to a convention to sell merch and do a few live shows."

She sniffed and rubbed her nose. "So, about that." She looked into his eyes again, blinking away a few tears. "You'll do it?"

Whatever annoyance or frustration he'd been trying to conjure up earlier about the inconvenience of the favor vanished in an instant. "Yeah," he said. "I will."

Her expression lit up, and she sprung forward from her kneeling position on the sofa, hugging him again. "I love you," she said, resting her chin on his shoulder, and he wondered, not for the first time, how caught up in her spiderweb he was.

He closed his eyes and returned the hug. "Love you, too," he said, and he did.

#ratralsis writing #ratralsis strings

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charliedawn · 4 years ago

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How would they react if you were to marry someone else? (Warning : I love writing sad stories)

" I'm so happy for you. I hope that you'll have the best life together. You deserve it."

He smiles and pretends that it doesn't hurt him as much as it really does. After having spent so many times doing it, faking perfect happiness has become easy for him. He loves you, he always loved you..but now, he has to see you at the arm of another man/woman and it takes all of his willpower not to cry. He knows he can't do anything, but he still wishes that you would see..see how much he cares and would do anything to be that person by your side. But, he will not be as selfish as to tell you how he truly feels. He wants you to be happy. He thought Peggy would be the only person that he would ever want to see smile everyday, but that was before he met you. He wants you to be happy, this is why he doesn't want to be selfish and deprave you of that wonderful smile by actually saying how he truly feels. However, when the music starts and you don't find your husband/wife anywhere, he decides to step up. He stands in front of you with a gentle smile and a welcoming hand.

" May I ?"

You smile back and nod in agreement before taking his hand. You start waltzing and many people leave the way, as if they know..they know that this man is the one you should have married. Unfortunately, it seems that you hadn't gotten the memo in time, as you were the only one who understood too late..But what hurts the most ? It is that he seems genuinely happy for you. That smile tortures you. He wipes your tears away, tears that you hadn't felt rolling down your cheeks. He smiles again and you close your eyes, everything to stop looking at that smile..Suddenly, you feel someone tapping your shoulder. You open your eyes wide to see your husband/wife that addresses you a soft smile before glaring at Steve that glares right back. He crosses his arms, but finally says with a stern warning.

" If you hurt her/him..I will hurt you."

He simply states before turning around and walking away. You look at him walking away and can't help but chuckle as you remember something that Tony had said long ago.

" That is America's a**"

Your husband/wife looks at you with widened eyes, as if you had gone crazy and it only makes you laugh harder. Maybe you had ?

" This is quite the ceremony..In my 107 years on this planet, I don't remember ever being invited to a wedding."

"Too bad that my first had to be yours", he wants to add, but he had promised himself to behave today. He sits down and hangs his head low, not finding the strength to look at you again. He is afraid of what he'll find there..worse of all, he doesn't want to see pity..Nothing is worse than pity. Because, he knows he doesn't deserve it. However, your hand appears in his peripheral vision and he is forced to look up at you.

" Bucky Barnes, may I have this dance ?"

You ask and his eyes widen in surprise, looking around for your husband/wife to intervene. But, you're alone for now and he takes your hand. You yank him out of his seat and he finds himself smiling as you laugh when you both nearly fall under his weight.

" Come on, Barnes. Help me here. Get up !"

He laughs before finally getting up and you smile before dancing with him. At some point, you tenderly get some locks out of his face behind his ear and he grazes his lips over the top of your hand, a simple kiss that has more meaning than everything you had experienced so far. However, your husband/wife arrives and shatters the moment by taking your hand for a dance. Bucky has just the time to whisper something in the shell of your ear that makes you feel cold to the bone.

" I lost.."

He simply says, staring right at you with tears in his eyes and a small sorrowful smile. He feels terrible and knows that if he had acted sooner, you would have been his. But, he waited too long. He doesn't want to let you go without you knowing what he feels about you. He lost..He will never be the man who you will run to in your darkest moments, he would always remain Bucky, the best friend. You look at him, he looks back at you and you know..You know what those words mean. You smile sadly. Maybe..It could have been. But, it is too late now, and Bucky knows it. He smiles back too with tears rolling down his cheeks that he quickly wipes away. Nobody understands in the room, not even your husband/wife, but you do. You do. And, that's enough for him.

Many thought Tony was crying because he was moved, little did they know..Tony Stark was crying because he hadn't realized until you showed up in your wedding dress how much of an idiot he had been for not acting sooner. He could convince himself and others that he was a genius..but at that moment, he felt like the dumbest of them all. He wants to be that person that is holding your hand and kisses you gently while you exchange rings. He thought he had time, even when you said that you were getting engaged..He thought it wouldn't last. He had even tried to pay the man/woman to leave you alone. But, it is over now. He knows that there is no turning back. You're gone..and you would never be his. This is why the great Tony Stark was crying. However, he forces himself to smile now and laughs as he stands up to make a toast.

" I guess it's my turn. To Y/N L/N, the woman/man that is always willing to go the extra mile. The heart of the team. The person that always sees the bright side in people. You are one of a kind and nothing less than special. My only regret, is to have not noticed it sooner.."

He smiles at you and chuckles before raising his glass.

" I wish you nothing than what you deserve. Happiness. Happiness for now and forever."

You smile and raise your glass as well. The music soon plays and your husband/wife takes you hand to have the first dance. However, somebody else grabs it first and you turn around to see Tony that winks cheekily to your partner.

" Too slow. Don't worry, I may borrow you lovely bride/groom for five minutes, but you'll have them for the rest of your life."

You smile as your partner reluctantly lets you go. You follow Tony that succeeds in surprising you with his moves. He notices and chuckles.

" Didn't know I had moves like that, huh? Guess I can still surprise you.."

You shake your head and laugh while arking an eyebrow at him.

" Surprised that you know how to dance ? Nah. I've seen worse. In fact, I'm surprised you didn't crash my wedding with an helicopter screaming "I object !" before kidnapping me. Ah.."

The scene is so detailed that Tony wonders if you had imagined it, wished it even ?

" Would you have followed me ?"

He asks seriously, in a almost hopeful voice and you smile, almost dreamily, but your answer is as serious as his question.

" To Hell and back.."

Another proof that Tony Stark is an idiot: he had thought of it. He had thought of crashing your wedding and carrying you bridal style out of this downright ridiculous wedding..but he had hesitated. He is about to tell you that the alternative is still possible when he sees your husband/wife making their way to you. He closes his mouth. He has no right to take you away from them. He smiles one last time before kissing your forehead.

" Go back to your prince/princess, sweetheart..They deserve you the most."

" I'm fine..I'm fine."

He says to whoever asks him, so much that he starts actually believing it. However, it is another story when he sees you walk the aisle and can't help but have a lump in his throat as he contains his tears. Here you are, as beautiful and surreal as the first day he met you. Your kindness radiating from you so much that it almost hurts him to see how perfect you are. He wants to chase those thoughts from his head, he wants to stop loving you..But he can't. Just one look at you, and he knows that he is not fine. He is far from fine. His other half wants to get out an rip the man/woman that dared take you away from him, but he won't let him. He is not a monster, and he won't allow you to see him as anything else than nice inoffensive little Dr Banner, especially today. It is killing him to see you with such a smile that seems so genuine. To think that it is supposed to be your happiest day, and it is his worst. It only gets worse when you ask him to be your first dance..He is not a good dancer, he knows it. But, for once, he'll go beyond his safe zone and let you bring him to stand up and dance with you. Thankfully, you mostly take the lead and go slowly. He doesn't know what to say, so he just stays silent, admiring you. You look up at him and he can't help but smile back. Soon, the song is over and he opens his mouth to finally admit what he has always felt for you. But, other words come out.

" Congrats, Y/N..I'm happy for you."

Lies. Lies. He is not happy, he is miserable. But, he won't admit it, not when you smile at him and embrace him tightly like that..He finds that he has trouble to breathe. He knows that Hulk wouldn't let him, but he truly feels as if he is dying. He forces himself to smile as you take a step back and walk towards another guest. He follows you with his eyes before walking away. He should have known, who would ever want a monster like him ?

" You have a mighty warrior by your side. The best of them all. Be sure to make them happy and Y/N? I wish you many great adventures and..and.."

For once, the great Thor is lost for words. He is happy for you, but something in his chest burns. He should be happy as it is a joyous moment, but he can only fix his cup with uncertainty. You are one of his best friends..He should be happy for you, the words of encouragement and congratulations should flow from his mouth. Thor is not one to pass on good wine, but still, he is as sober as he ever remembers himself being. He can't drink, his lips are parched, and still..He feels as if he is drowning. He glances at you and sees the same uncertainty in your eyes.

" I love you.."

The words get out before he can ever register them and the whole assembly falls silent at his confession. Both you and your partner open your eyes wide in shock at his confession. You are about to say something when Thor starts laughing and shakes his head.

" I love you as a brother/sister and I wish you all the best that this world has to offer !"

The whole assembly seems to buy his last minute addition, including your partner that seems to relax beside you. But, you are no fool. You've spend enough time with the North god to know when he is lying. However, you don't know what you would have said, you were so eager to respond..but in truth ? You don't have a clue on what the good answer would have been. You stand up and face Thor that seems taken aback when you take him by the hand to the dancefloor. When you're sure that nobody would overhear your conversation, you whisper.

" What the heck were you thinking ?! Confessing like that today?! Out of any days?!"

He wants to deny, but he only lowers his head in shame.

" Forgive me, my friend..I shouldn't have said anything. It was selfish on my behalf. Forget I ever said anything. I wasn't thinking straight, too much wine.."

He quickly adds at the end, hoping that you would buy this excuse. For a moment, your eyes seem to scan his face for any clue that he was lying..But then, for a second, he sees a glimpse of disappointment that quickly disappears, replaced by a smile.

" I see.. No worries. Everyone makes mistakes."

You finally say before walking away. His heart tightens as he watches you leave, going back to him/her. That person that he shall never be..He forces himself to stay stoic in front of the many guests that wanted to talk to him, but he can't help to steal quick glances at your beauty, from afar. Thor is not one to cry, he is a hero, heroes don't cry. But, he can't help but shed a few tears as he knows that this is what he will ever be allowed to do now, steal glimpses at your infinite beauty that blinds him every single time. Funny, he always thought that Asgard was the most resplendent thing in the galaxy..guess he was wrong.

He wouldn't come. He can't. He is a mess since the day you told him. He would stay locked up in his room and only follow the ceremony on a TV screen.

" It could have been me..It should have been me !"

He screams before punching the screen and finally leaning down on his bed. He cover his eyes with his hands to hide his tears from the world. He dreamt of the day you would be dressed in the most beautiful silks, but for him.

" Oh my sweet..To think that those tears of joy are not for me to admire..Tell me, if I had had the courage to ask you ? Would you have said yes, little Midgardian ?"

He asks the broken TV screen wistfully and laughs humorlessly before looking at his shaking hands. Suddenly, he closes them into fists and screams at the top of his lungs, he screams his regret and the pain he feels at knowing that you would be happy without him. When he stops, he feels his sore throat and hiccups a laugh that turns into a maniacal laugh. Who is he hoping to fool ? You wouldn't have said yes..Who could ever say yes to such a monster ? He closes his eyes and makes a clone appear at the dinner. He thought you wouldn't notice him among the crowd, but you do and he freezes. Finally, you smile warmly at him and make your way to him through the crowd. He hadn't planned on talking to you, he just wanted to see you one last time. However, he still forces himself to smile courteously and takes your hand to kiss the back of it, like a prince in those fairytales that you used to read him when he was in his cell..

" You haven't changed, prince Loki..To think 5 years passed already. I thought you were dead, I mourned you.."

You say in an almost accusative tone, but he only answers with a small shrug and a smile.

" Timelines, my dear..A very complicated thing."

You nod absent-mindedly at his answer before wrapping your arms around him. He takes a shaky breath before slowly raising his hand to gently pet the top of your head.

" I'm sorry it took me so long to get back to you.."

" I'm sorry too."

You reply with a sad smile that makes his heart sink. But, before he could ask what you were sorry about, you partner comes and asks for a dance. You smile apologetically at Loki before taking the hand of your husband/wife. Loki stays still, the question still lingering in his mind..Sorry ? Sorry for what ? He clenches his jaw and shakes his head. It doesn't matter. It is too late now..He is too late. His clone vanishes and Loki comes back to his room, sad and now, destined to be alone forever..

" You look so gorgeous/handsome. I can't believe you're getting married. He/She better treat you right, alright ?"

Scott would be happy for you and hide his sadness behind a smile. He would look at you with tears in his eyes, thinking of how you look truly amazing in that dress/smoking/whatever suits your boat. He would act like you best friend until the end, even walking you to the aisle if you ask him. He's so proud of you, but at the same time can't help but feel a pang in his chest, knowing that he is not the one waiting at the end of said aisle. He would also stay by your side afterwards during the dinner.

" Was it like that with Cassie's mother ?"

You ask him and he takes a shaky breath before answering you with a small sad smile.

" Oh no..It wasn't so fancy. You got yourself quite a deal with that one. He/She seems to be an extremely good catch."

You laugh a little before turning your head away to discreetly wipe your tears.

" I guess I should consider myself quite lucky then, huh ?"

You both laugh, but it sounds so fake and unnatural that you immediately stop. You then look around for your husband/wife as the music starts, but do not spot him among the crowd. However, Scott stands in front of you with his hand outstretched towards you.

" I may not be the best dancer, but would you do me the favor ?"

You look at his hand for several seconds before taking it with a genuine smile.

" Of course."

He smiles back and you start dancing around. However, when you finally stop, you realize that you've been staring too long at him and him at you. For a moment, you think he is about to kiss you, and you would have let him..But then, your husband/wife arrives with a smile and wraps their arm around your waist possessively. Scott understands the message and smiles one last time at you before taking a step back and letting go of your hand. You open your mouth to talk, but quickly close it..What could you possibly say ? But, he doesn't seem angry, he just sniffles and makes it sound like it is the emotion of finally you getting married.

" Oh wow..I guess I overstepped, huh ? Sorry..They're all yours."

Scott then walks away, his heart shattering even more with each step he takes and you sigh while your partner leads you away.

" I guess that congratulations are in order."

He says while flying down next to you and taking your hand. You smile up at him and he seems to not find his words. He had repeated them. But, just looking at your face, and other words fall out of his mouth.

" I'm sorry. I can't seem to be able to find any will in me to congratulate you."

You snort. Of course..

" You have an awful lot to learn about humans, Vision..But, I don't blame you. I wouldn't be able to find the will to congratulate myself either."

He frowns, confused, and tilts his head to the side, trying to decipher your words.

" But..It is your wedding day. The happiest day of your life."

He replies while slowly dancing with you in the air until your husband/wife asks him to get you down.

" Is it ?"

You reply before laughing humorlessly while staring right back at him with your eyes glassy, as if you're about to cry. However, you only smile one last time before following your husband/wife that leads you to another guest. Vision watches you leave and feels his brain working, still trying to make sense of your words. Suddenly, he seems to understand and closes his eyes, feeling something painful in his chest, even though he knows nothing is physically wrong with his body.

" I see.."

He finally says. He doesn't know for who he says it, maybe you, maybe himself ? For a being whose name is Vision, it took him a while to see the truth.

" You're the father of the bride/groom ?"

One of the guests ask him as he saw Dr Strange walk you to the aisle. He doesn't want to be rude, it's your day. He fakes a smile before nodding half-heartedly.

" Something like that.."

The guest is obviously not a close friend, or they would have known that your father had died/wasn't there. He glances at you and finds you staring at him. You quickly look away when you understand that you've been spotted. He wishes his feelings could be only translated as fatherly/brotherly/friend-related love..But, unfortunately, his heart had decided to play with his emotions. He had hoped for so long that his heart would listen to his brain that was finding every possible reason for him not to crash the party and take you away..He had had many occasions to lose his mind, falling head over heels for you isn't the one he thought would finally break him. It is eating him alive. He is so absorbed in his thoughts that he doesn't see you, making your way to him. You gently tap him on the shoulder and he turns around to see you with a Cheshire-like grin.

" Shouldn't I have my first dance with my father ?"

He rolls his eyes dramatically at the last word before he retorts.

" You heard that, huh ? But you still don't hear me when I tell you to wake up for your training each morning.."

You laugh before taking his hand and leading him to the dancefloor. He can't help but smile when you start laughing at the sudden change of music..

"Beyonce. How convenient.."

You mimic his voice and he sighs loudly in fake exasperation.

" I should have known..This is why you wanted me to be your first dance. You had planned it all, you little devil."

You laugh mischievously before it slowly quiets down and you look at your shoes as you admit.

" That..but I also wanted you to be my first dance..You're the only family I have left, Strange. You, and the Avengers."

His heart beats a little too fast for his liking at your words and he admonishes his heart for being so sensitive..He takes your chin between his thumb and index to tip your face up, in order for you to look at him. When he sees that you are crying, he feels his heart stop and his mask crumbles. He allows himself to cry as well and you open your eyes wide in shock. Doctor Strange. The man that had gone through countless hardships such as a car accident that made him lose the practicality of his hands, wars, a face to face with a god, who had literally died, is now crying at your wedding. The irony..You hide your face in his cloak that seems to understand and hides the both of you for a moment. You feel safe in Strange's arms and want to stay hidden in his cloak forever, but you then hear the noises coming from outside, the voice of you partner among them. You force yourself to smile and wipe your tears. You then look up at Strange, but he doesn't need you to ask, he lets you go and you leave the safety of his arms to return to the ones of your beloved partner. Stephen can just stare at you until you both disappear among the crowd. He is still crying and his cloak tries to wipe them as well, but he shakes his head.

" Don't..It is the only thing I have left from her/him.."

Hawkeye doesn't know why he came..He knew it would break his heart to see you in someone else's arms..But, he still came. Thankfully, he has Natasha by his side. She stays next to him and he laughs bitterly as he tells her.

" My arrow didn't work it seems. The right speed, but not the right target.."

She smiles sadly at her best friend before putting her head on his shoulder compassionately.

" Don't sell yourself short. One of them hit right."

He looks up at you and laughs humorlessly at Natasha's way to comfort him.

" I don't know what is worse ? Her/Him marrying someone else or her/him not marrying at all ?"

Natasha laughs, but it is as fake as his.

" Who knows ? Maybe it wasn't meant to be ?"

Clint nods, even though he can't help but disagree with Natasha. From the first moment his eyes fell on you, he knew you were the one. Unfortunately, he had to compete with super soldiers, geniuses and gods..Who was he to ask you for a chance ? A guy with arrows..The answer is so obvious, the reality so brutal that it hurts. But what hurts the most ? It's that at the end, you had chosen another human, a human with no superpowers, no inhuman strength, not even arrows..Only human. To add to his shame, your smile that seems so genuine as you make your way to him.

" Barton, may I have this dance ?"

You ask and he looks at Natasha for help, but she only busies herself with her drink as she stands up to leave.

" Have fun you two.."

" You traitor.."

He mouthes at her while you have your face turned and Natasha barely surpresses a laugh. He then puts a smile back on when you face him. You smile back as he takes a the lead and starts waltzing around with you. You seem so happy, he feels as if tears are about to spill from his eyes. He bats them away just in time. He couldn't let you see him like this, not now, not ever..

" You know, Clint..There was a time where I thought it would be you.."

He opens his eyes wide in shock at your admission as he looks down at you, unsure if he had heard you correctly. But, you nod in confirmation.

" You heard me..I really thought you would be the one wearing a tuxedo and sweep me off my feet. But, it seems Robin Hood only exists in novels and I am no damsel in distress.."

He doesn't know what to say, so he only lightly squeezes your hand to urge you to continue. He knows it won't change anything, but he wants to know nonetheless. However, you only smile sadly before looking up at him with eyes prickled with tears and stand on your tiptoes to kiss him on the cheek.

" Girls/Guys can dream, right ?"

You then walk away and leave him dumbstruck as he processes what you had just admitted. Not only would you have been satisfied with any human beings, you would have been satisfied with him. The knowledge hurts more than anything and he can only sit down on a nearby couch, tears rolling down his cheeks now. One single thought running on loop through his brain : he could have been enough. He could have been enough..

Bonus : Your reaction

You wait a little bit before walking towards a room where you could finally be alone. You stay with a smile plastered on your face on the way there, keeping the facade for the sake of convenience until you are in said room. Your smile slowly turns downwards and you lean against the door, letting a big sigh out of your mouth as you look at the ring on your finger. Here. It was done. But then, why does it feel so painful ? You slide down and bury your face in your arms to sob as quietly as possible. He had danced with you, he had nearly confessed to you..but didn't. And the worse part is ? If he had asked you to follow him, even then, you would have followed him without any hesitation. You had once thought that he would be the one by your side forever..Guess you were wrong ? You sniffle before opening the locket hanging from your neck where a small picture of him is hidden. You smile tenderly at the picture before taking the locket off and pondering what to do with it now ? You have to forget. He is only a dream, a beautiful dream..but a dream nonetheless. Heroes like him belong to the world, not you. You take a shaky sigh before wiping your tears away and smiling again. You had married someone that loved you and that you loved, you should be happy..But then, why does your heart seem so eager to prove you wrong, beating wildly in your chest out of protest ? You close your eyes and let one single tear roll down your cheek one last time before letting the locket fall from your hand on the floor as you stand up. You then put on your fake smile again and open the door to step out.

I had to listen to so many sad songs to do this. Hope it was worth it.

683 notes · View notes

viking-raider · 4 years ago

Text

Hoist the Colours - Part II

Summary: You try and survive being Henry's captive, while your father plans on how to get you back.

Pairing: Henry Cavill/Reader

Word Count: 7,629

Warning: PG-13 - Pirate!Henry, Some Dark Themes, Language, Kidnapping, Ransom, Captivity, Possible Trigger Warning, Unwanted Physical Contact, Angst, Fluff, Bondage

Inspiration: Pirates of the Caribbean and Henry Cavill!

Author's Note: Gotta love Pirates!

Tag List Blog: @viking-raider-taglist

Henry woke with the sun glittering off the ocean and into his face and groaned, rubbing at his bearded cheeks and sat up, rolling his stiff neck and shoulders. His body was sore after the battle the day before, he crossed the swaying room and poured himself a stiff drink and quickly downed it with a groan.

Splashing some water in his face from a small basin, Henry peeked through the narrow gap between bed curtains and saw you sound asleep, before a light knock sounded on the still locked door.

“What is it?” He asked, opening the door to his first mate, Benjamin Nullings.

“Morning to you too, Captain.” Nullings greeted him back, with a smile.

Henry shook his head at the man, a smile tugging at his lips. He and Nullings had known each other for a good many years, back when they were both crewmen on another Pirate's ship, before Henry acquired the Crimson Jersey, a Spanish Galleon, and he made Nullings his First Mate, being one of the only men that he trusted.

“Good morning, Benji.” He replied to him.

“Well, good is going to depend on how you take the news I have for you.” Nullings answered, his brow creasing.

“What news?” Henry frowned, not liking the tone or the look Nullings was giving him.

“It's Valentine.” Nullings said, clearing his throat and rubbing the back of his bald head. “He was injured in the skirmish yesterday, took a musket ball to the arm. The surgeon had to take it off during the night, but he ended up bleeding out and died early this morning.”

Henry's head dropped back with a growl. “Fuck.”

“Exactly.” Nullings nodded, pressing his lips together. “You know old man Norris entrusted us with his son to try and straighten the boy out, not get his arm blown off or him killed.”

“He's going to kick up quite the fuss back at the Island for this.” Henry groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Has Quartermaster Astley tallied up the new loot?”

“He has, and we should make a very tidy profit of ten thousand pieces of eight.” Nullings informed him.

“Divided by a thirty man crew.” Henry squeezed his eyes closed and did the math. “Three hundred pieces per man. Norris will want his son's portion plus compensation for his death. Give him Valentine's portion and I'll compensate Norris for the death of his son.” He told Nullings, pushing his jaw forward.

“Once we get back to the Island, that is.”

“I'll have Astley make a note of it in his logs.” Nullings nodded, agreeing with his Captain and friend. “How's our bargaining chip holding up?” He asked, with a knowing smile.

“Stubborn and feisty.” Henry replied, glancing over his shoulder.

“Typical of all women.” Nullings laughed, his head thrown back.

“True enough.” Henry agreed, looking back at him. “Have Ellis keep us on course for Tortuga, but we won't be harboring there. So, have him anchor us off shore and the men will row out to it. They've earned a jaunt on shore after being at sea for the last eight months.”

“When we get the girl's ransom, do we still intend on returning to the Island?”

“Yes, we won't be able to hold anything more and we're already starting to ride lower in the water than we should.” He commented, running a hand through his hair.

“Well, we'll be in Tortuga within two days.”

“Excellent.” Henry nodded, pleased. “Have Valentine's body put in a shroud and we'll pay our respects to him this afternoon.” He instructed him, hearing you start to stir, disturbed by the sound of their voices.

“Aye, Captain.” Nullings nodded his head at Henry and went about his duties.

Henry closed the door as you pulled back the curtains, whimpering as the bright sunlight hit your unprepared eyes. “Good morning, pet.” He purred, smirking at you as you brushed your sleep tousled hair out of your face.

You huffed at him, rolling your eyes at his continued nickname for you, but didn't answer his greeting.

“Someone is a grumpy morning person.” He chuckled, openly teasing you.

“Only with bloodthirsty pirates.” You growled at him, trying to soothe the wrinkles in your skirts.

“Well, they don't call me Henry the Red for nothing, pet.” Henry grinned at you, unashamed and proud of himself. “We'll anchor off the coast of Tortuga in two days' time.” He informed you, combing his fingers through his messy curls.

“Tortuga?” You frowned up at him, surprised. “Why not Lockemirth?”

“I'm not going anywhere near Lockemirth until your dear papa has your ransom.” He replied, pulling his hair back with the leather string. “I'm not a stupid man, if I was to go near that island before hand, it would give him and the Crown amble opportunity to try and overtake my ship and crew. So, we'll wait in Tortuga.”

“Then, how will you know my father will have it?” You asked him, lifting a brow at him. “Tortuga and Lockemirth are eighty kilometers apart.”

Henry smirked at you, impressed. “A woman that knows her cartography.”

“I'm an educated woman, not the plague ridden whores you gallivant with.” You hissed at him, venomously.

“I have much finer tastes.” He replied, his stormy blue eyes scanning you for a long moment. “Anyhow, I have my ways of getting messages between the islands. So, you don't have to worry about that, pet.”

You glared daggers into him, wishing you had some means to wipe that smug look off his face. Henry stared back at you, he could see the thoughts flitting across your mind, you were either terrible at hiding how you were feeling or you weren't bothering to do so. Either way, he wasn't threatened by it or worried that you could pull it off or even attempt it to begin with, and he let that show on his own face.

“Enter!” He shouted, just as a knock came, causing you to jump at the sudden sound.

His cabin door opened and the same man from the night before entered with another silver tray with food upon it, he paid no attention to you as he bowed his head to Henry, set the tray down on his desk and left again.

“Are you starving this morning as well, pet?” Henry asked, picking up a few bits of food off of his plate and popped them into his mouth, making a big deal out of chewing and how good it tasted.

You watched him eat and felt your stomach rumble in your stays, you hadn't eaten since early afternoon the day before and were parched beyond belief. Henry lifted a silver goblet to his nose, swirling its contents and taking a whiff of it with a satisfied hum, before taking a deep swallow.

“Mmm, simply remarkable.” He said, after rolling the mouthful of wine in his mouth for a moment, before swallowing. “A 1681, Spanish Red.” He spoke, licking his lips. “I've always loved red wine, so it works out in the end.”

You gulped, feeling your hunger start to break down your willpower as you watched him enjoy the wine and food, purposely taking his time and making a show of it. With every bite of food and sip of wine your hunger and desperation grew, to the point you almost became unhinged. Henry set his goblet down and picked up yours, holding it out to you, a playful and teasing smirk and expression on his face, continuing to poke holes in your weak resolve.

“You know you want it, pet.” He hummed, lowering the deep timber of his voice, taunting you. “Wet those sweet lips of yours.” He purred, his tone teasing more than one meaning of his words. “Be a pity to let yourself go to waste.”

Gulping and licking your lips, the last of your will dissipating as you shot forward and snatched the goblet from his hand, making him laugh, as you hastily downed it, your mind not taking a moment to ask your taste buds how it tasted. Henry picked his own goblet back up, slowly sipping his wine, while you started to gorge yourself on the food. He plucked up the uncorked bottle of wine on the tray and refilled your goblet, the rich and deep red liquid splashing onto the stained oak wood of his desk as the ship bucked on the waves.

“Easy, pet.” Henry cooed at you. “Don't make yourself sick.”

You slowed down, looking up at him as you swallowed down the bit of food you had been devouring, the look in your hungry and exhausted eyes shifting, then you gulped down, audibly. A broader smirk crossed Henry's face and he rolled his eerily blue eyes at you.

“I ate the same food off the same plate, pet. It's not fouled up.” He laughed at you, increasingly amused at your silliness at thinking he, or the cook, had some how poisoned the food. He touched his fingers under your chin, smirking at you.

“For Lord's sake, you're no use to me dead or damaged.”

Another knock sounded at the door and it opened without Henry's permission, revealing Nullings. “Captain, Valentine and his shroud have been prepared, all we wait for is you.” He informed Henry, lifting a brow at the two of you.

“If you aren't busy.” He added, clearing his throat.

“I'm not.” Henry replied, dropping his hand from your chin. “Just making sure the Governor's daughter had her breakfast.” He chuckled, gently patting your cheek, then polished off his wine and set it down on his desk. “Come along, pet. All aboard are required to attend.” He told you, starting for the door.

“Attend what?” You asked, staying where you were.

“One of my men, Valentine Tash, was injured in the skirmish yesterday.” Henry replied, pulling on his jerkin. “He died, after having his arm nearly blown off.” He explained to you, settling the garment on his body.

“What's that matter to me?” You snapped, narrowing your eyes at him. “You were the monster that attacked my ship. It's your fault, he's dea--”

Henry bolted across the room, the back of his big hand connecting to your surprised cheek in a harsh smack; if it wasn't for his desk, you would have crumbled to the floor, instead you fell upon the desk, sending the tray of food crashing to the floor and spilling your goblet and the bottle of wine across it.

“Every man, and woman, on this ship knows the difficulties and dangers of being on these seas and in this occupation. Death is part of that expectation, no matter who they are. If they die, from whatever the cause, they have been cautioned and informed of it, and still they chose to come. That isn't on my head or on my heart.” He hissed at you, face twisted with rage.

“So, I suggest you watch your tongue, especially when you speak of things an insolent and ignorant girl does not understand.” He grabbed you by the elbow and yanked you up onto your feet. “Do you understand what I've said?”

You looked up at him, sniffling, eyes brimming with tears and your cheek welted with his knuckles. “Y-e-s.” You hiccupped and gulped thickly.

“Good.” Henry replied, tense. “Now, we're going out there and you will behave yourself, and if you try anything stupid, you won't leave this cabin again, until I have everything I want from your father in three days.” He warned you, shoving you in the direction of the door.

You tripped over the threadbare rug on the floor, but was thankfully caught by Nullings, before you fell. He gave you a soft and sympathetic smile, supporting you until you managed to right yourself, then kindly let you go. Henry moved in behind you, making you shiver as you followed Nullings out of the Captain's cabin. You blinked at the bright light of the morning as you stepped out onto the main deck of the ship, it seemed by the amount of people there as well, that the entire crew was out and waiting for the ceremony to send Valentine off to his watery grave.

It would be a lie, if you said you weren't interested in how pirates dealt with their dead. You had spent much of the voyage on the Kilmartin dreaming up scenarios about pirates and their ways of life on the high seas; but being kidnapped and held for ransom wasn't one of them though.

You saw a canvas wrapped body on a long wood platform that was balanced on the edge of the ship with two men holding onto it, so it wouldn't prematurely fall into the roiling sea below. The men gathered around their Captain, removing what hats they were wearing and bowed their heads. Henry stood tall beside you, his broad shoulders straight and tense as he surveyed his crew, his expression hard and unreadable.

“We gather here in honor of our mate, Valentine Tash.” He said, speaking loudly over the waves crashing against the hull. “He was a good man, a hard worker and a sound fighter. It is unfortunate that we have lost him, but he will forever be remembered.”

The crew let out three cheers in agreement and honor of their fallen comrade, before Henry gave a stiff nod of his head and the two men holding the body, lifted the platform and the shrouded body of Valentine Tash slid off of it and into the abyss below, never to be seen again. The crew lingered for another moment of quiet, before silently returning to their stations. You stood beside Henry as he continued to stare after the now vanished body, you saw, now that his men were gone or distracted by their duties, the look in his ordinarily hard and guarded eyes was one of a raw heart, one that had lost many men over the years and, even after telling you he felt none of it, was a man that had felt all of those deaths as if they were his own.

Henry caught you staring at him. “What?” He snapped, regaining command of his face.

“Nothing, just enjoying the sunshine.” You replied, blinking up at the blue and cloudless sky. “You?”

His eyes narrowed, then blinked at you, softening slightly. “Same.” He answered, his voice calmer. “It won't last though.” He added a second later, squinting into the sunlight.

“Why do you say that?” You replied, frowning and trying to see what he was talking about.

Henry dropped his eyes to you, amused. “I've spent my entire life either on or by the sea.” He replied, moving to the railing. “All that experience teaches you the language and nature of it. Even if it looks calm, sunny and beautiful, there's always something brewing just beyond the horizon.” He told you, leaning his forearms against the worn and sun faded railing.

“There's a storm coming.” He whispered, narrowing his eyes at a very thin strip of dark clouds. “But, we should be off Tortuga by the time it arrives.”

“Will we make landfall then?” You asked, gulping at the thought of being on the ship, any ship, with a storm going off.

“No.” He chuckled, shaking his head and looked over his shoulder at you. “We'll be as safe on the ship as we are on land.” He could see the fear and anxiety in your face and eyes. “Don't fret, pet. I've sailed this ship around hurricanes and she hasn't sunk yet.” He grinned at you, giving you an odd feeling of safety, but also a feeling of uneasiness.

“Then again, she can't.”

“All ships sink.” You frowned, shaking your head at him.

“Not this one, pet. Not this one.” Henry replied, still grinning as he looked his beloved ship over. “She's special.”

“Special how?” You answered, starting to worry for the pirate's mental soundness.

Henry pushed off the railing and caught your chin in his fingers, tipping your head back to look up at his amused face. “That's nothing for you to worry about, pet. There are some things beyond your innocent understanding in this world and beyond it.” He told you, his eyes darkening with an almost sinister delight.

You jerked up with a gasp as a crack of lightning struck the water, so close to the Crimson Jersey that Henry's cabin lit up like broad daylight. You gripped the blankets of Henry's bed as the ship tilted and swayed at nauseating degrees under the heavy winds, the torrential rain hammered every part of the ship, pattering against the glass of the stern windows like small pebbles. You gasped again as a hiss filled the cabin, but slightly relaxed again, a spark of light flared to life and illuminated Henry's face as he leaned over his desk to touch the flame to the blackened wick of his tallow candle.

“I didn't mean to wake you.” You spoke, barely audible above the storm.

“You didn't.” Henry replied, crossing the room with a small struggle.

“I'm impressed how well you and your men can walk across the room or deck, when the ship is bucking like a wild animal.”

“It's land that tends to be tricky for most sailors.” He chuckled, pouring a drink, unphased by the glasses moving across the table. “Your body gets so used to the sway of the ship, it doesn't know how to react when you're finally on unmoving land again.” He told you, picking the glasses up and crossed over to you, holding one of them out.

“It's like watching a newborn babe try to walk for the first time.” He laughed, sitting down on the edge of the bed. “I'm supposing this is your first time at sea.” He said, sipping his drink.

“It is.” You nodded, staring into your own glass for a moment, before lifting it to your lips. “I would have rather stayed in London.”

“With your mother?”

Your eyes jerked over to him.

“You were the only woman on board the Kilmartin that my men and I encountered.” He clarified. “I doubt your father had you himself, so that leaves your mother still in London herself.”

“She is still in London.” You nodded, chewing on your bottom lip and trying to hold back the overwhelming wave of tears that wanted to overtake you.

You were so consumed by all the events of late, being forced to leave the only home you had ever known, to sail half a world away to a teeny island, where you knew no one other than your father. Then to be kidnapped by Pirates and held for a ransom, that you feared if your father didn't or wasn't able to pay would only end badly for you. It was all adding up on you, especially when you were still trying to deal and come to terms with your mother's passing.

“I doubt we could have brought her, even if we wanted too.” You mumbled into your glass.

“Did she not wish to join you both?” Henry asked, head slightly tilting as he noticed the cloud that crossed your face, even in the crepuscular light of the cabin.

“I'm sure she would have come with us, if she could have.” You looked up at him, eyes shining and red. “But, sailors already believe a woman on board is a bad omen, I shudder to think what they would have said about transporting the dug up coffin of one.”

Henry's mouth dropped open for a moment, before he regained his composure. “She's passed on then.”

You nodded your head, dropping your eyes back to your barely touched drink. “A year ago, this past month.” You whispered, ringing the tip of your finger around the rim of the glass. “She was sick for a very long time.” You sniffled and gulped, feeling your strength start to waver.

“I'm very sorry.” Henry whispered, softly. “It must still hurt you deeply.”

His words were the keys that opened the floodgates to everything you had pushed behind it. The walls of your throat closed and your eyes burned with the liquid fire of your tears, your breathing hitched, catching in your throat, and your shoulders trembled as tears washed over your cheeks, dripping into the glass still in your lap. Henry sighed, his face pinching in concern and sympathy as he watched you melt into sobs. Setting both glasses on the rocking floor, Henry reached out for you, resting his hands on your arms and gently pulled you into his arms and lap, tucking your head under his chin and rubbed your back, letting the sway of the ship rock the two of you. You clung to him and cried yourself out in his arms, drenching the shoulder of Henry's shirt, but he didn't care, he was a pirate after all and used to being wet.

He gently traced the outline of the whale bones sewn into your corset, beneath your dress, feeling the steadily growing weight of your body on top of his as you calmed down and fell half asleep. Biting and pressing his lips together, then sighing, Henry stood with you in his arms and leaned over the bed, gently laying you down and covered you up, before tugging his tear stained shirt off over his head, tossing it on his desk. He studied your sleeping form in his bed and sighed again, before taking the two neglected glasses back to their tray, then returned to the bed, sitting down on the edge and stared out the stern windows as the storm continued to rage around the ship.

“Look after us.” He muttered to himself, before getting into bed with you and pulled the curtains closed against the bright lightning flashes.

Henry stiffened as you whimpered in your sleep, at a rumble of thunder, before rolling into his side and relaxing again. He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head, but didn't move away from you, not that he could to start with, he was already laying on the very edge of the bed, so if he wanted to get away from you, he'd have to go back to where he'd been sleeping below the stern windows. So, he didn't move or push you away from him, knowing you would likely only find your way back up against his side, figuring if it gave you some measure of comfort, he might as well enjoy the warmth of your body pressed up against his, being the first woman of any standing to share a bed with him in many months, even since the last time he was on land.

“Land ho!”

The cry woke you from a sound sleep and for a moment you forgot what ship you were on, until you opened your eyes and saw Henry pulling on his discarded shirt and his boots, before unlocking his cabin door and stepped out onto the deck.

Glancing out the stern windows, you saw the mid morning sun was shining and there was even the cry of seagulls, as if the storm had never happened, and the first real sign there was actually land nearby. Excitement blossomed inside of you and you jumped to your feet, quickly going out of Henry's cabin, hot on his heels. Henry was standing on the starboard side of the ship, a spyglass held up to one of his eyes as he swept it over the glittering water.

You didn't need a spyglass to see the approaching stretch of land and felt your heart and spirits soar as high as the seagulls beginning to circle the masts. Tortuga. You heard several of the men aboard murmur across the deck as they gathered, grinning and clasping each other on the back and shoulders, excited at the prospect of touching down on land again, getting their hands on quality booze and ladies of the evening. You couldn't wait for the opportunity to sneak off the ship and find safety somewhere on the island, surely some kind soul would point you to the Mayor or Governor, a British Subject, who would then give you safe passage to your father in Lockemirth.

“Nullings, have Ellis anchor us close enough off the island that the men can row out and enjoy themselves.” Henry barked the order, snapping the spyglass shut.

“Aye, Captain!” Nullings shouted back and ran up to the helm to relay the message.

“Drop the long boats once we're anchored offshore, men!” He yelled to the gathered men on the deck.

“Aye, Cap'n!” His men roared back, throwing up their hands in cheer.

“You.” Henry called, turning towards you.

You started and looked at him as he strode over to you, catching your elbow and turning you back towards his cabin, marching you through the door.

“From this point, until your father gives me my ransom, you are not leaving this cabin.”

“Why!” You protested, planting your hands on your hips.

“Because, I know in that little head of yours, you're already plotting on how to get yourself to that island and I'm not losing my bargaining chip, and if my men have to spend their first time on land, in months, looking for you, they'll bitch about it until we get home.” He told you, sternly.

“Now, stay put and behave.”

“And if I don't?” You retorted, lifting your nose at him.

“I'll tie you to a fucking chair for the rest of your time here.” He replied with a growl, then slammed the cabin door shut, the sound of it locking following.

You let out a frustrated shriek and stomped your feet, before angrily pacing the cabin, mumbling under your breath about how much you hated him and his stupid pirate crew, hoping your father and the Crown sunk his unsinkable ship with him on it. You soon felt the ship slow and the scrapping of the anchor chain unwinding from its storage as they dropped anchor, no doubt close enough to the island for the crew to row the longboats out to shore and enjoy themselves.

“I hope they all get the bloody pox!” You shouted at the cabin door, picking up a glass from Henry's desk and launching it at the door.

“I want you to employ our usual method of message running for our ransoms.” Henry told Nullings as they stood on the deck, huddled together.

“Aye.” Nullings nodded, taking the heavy pouch of gold coins Henry held out to him. “The auction should be bustling, taking in all the ships currently in harbor.” He observed, glancing at how packed Tortuga harbor was. “I'll have Barnard and David take our messenger to Lockemirth Island. With any luck the Kilmartin survived the storm and is already anchored in their harbor. But, if they're late getting in, I'll have them wait.” He explained to Henry, running a hand over his smooth, suntanned and sweat drenched head.

“That leaves one other thing.” He sighed. “What if they wrecked in the storm? What do we do with the girl?”

Henry rolled his jaw, mulling over the possibility. “We'll deal with it, if it happens. Until then, act as if its still sailing.”

Nullings nodded. “Aye.”

With that, Nullings boarded the first long boat that had been lowered into the water and rested as the men manning the oars rowed them ashore. Once they landed, Nullings marched up the crowded beach, smiling as a few of the Crimson Jersey crew called out to him or made lewd gestures before vanishing into the streets to find the taverns and whore houses. As much as Nullings wanted to do the same, he was on official ship's business, so it would have to wait until later in the day, once his task was completed.

It only took a handful of minutes for Nullings to find the place he wanted to be, the Tortuga Slave Auction, melding into the crowd that pressed in on the auction block, voices from various positions in the crowd shouting out prices. He waited until he found one of interest and joined the chorus, not allowing the other buyers to push him out, until he finally won the bid and left the crowd to pay and collect them.

“You understand English?” He asked the teenaged boy, pulling him into a quiet and discreet corner.

“Yes.” The boy replied with a mild accent, and a nod of his head.

“Excellent.” Nullings smiled. “What's your name?”

“Hany.”

“Well, listen here, Hany. I'm the First Mate of the Crimson Jersey, and I have a task for you; a task that once you fulfill, you'll gain your freedom and a passage to any place you wish to go or a place on our crew, that will be left up to you.” He explained to him.

“Do you understand me?”

“Yes, I do.” Hany nodded again, blinking at Nullings, wide eyed.

Nullings removed a small, rolled up piece of parchment out of his pocket. “You will take this to the Governor of Lockemirth Island, two of my men will take you there, then wait for his reply and return here with it. You will find me at the Golden Mermaid, ask for Nullings.” He said, handing him the note.

“Any questions?”

“No, sir.” Hany shook his head, tucking the note into the pocket of his filthy and tattered pants.

“Great! Follow me.” Nullings nodded, then took the teen to the boat where Barnard and David were waiting for him.

With that done and nothing else to do, Nullings went to the Golden Mermaid tavern in central Tortuga and ordered a room, a pint and a woman to fill his time, while he waited for Hany, Barnard and David to return with Sir Thomas's reply.

Thomas was a mess after Henry had taken you for ransom, going from spurts of violent anger to deep depression and lamenting. Captain Davis tried his best to keep the new Governor's spirits up, but more often than not, failed at it.

“The vile things that damned pirate and his men could be doing to my beautiful and innocent daughter.” He raged, pacing the cabin in a highly agitated state. “I swear, if he harms a hair on her head, I'll hang the bastard thrice!”

“You must keep your composure, Thomas.” Davis replied, watching his friend pace from his seat behind his desk.

“Composure!” Thomas roared, stopping before the Captain's desk and slapped it with his palms. “I don't have to do any such a thing! You are not a father, you do not know the pressure and responsibility it is for one to care for their children, especially their defenseless daughters!”

Davis sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose and squeezing his eyes shut. “You know my meaning, Tom.” He replied, exhausted. “We'll be in Lockemirth harbor in a couple hours time, then we can muster what we need to rescue her, in safety.”

“Yes, we will.” Thomas growled, starting to pace again. “I'll be damned if I give that abominable pirate a cent from anywhere! The only payment he will get will be to the hangman's noose.”

A few hours later, the HMS Kilmartin docked in Lockemirth harbor and Sir Thomas disembarked from the ship, meeting the welcoming party the gentry of the island had put together for him, and you had you been with him. But, Thomas was in no mood for a welcome party and good cheer under the circumstances. He demanded to be shown the base of his operations and have all the top officials of the island to be assembled there, at once.

Several people branched out from the large group that had congregated around him, to set about his orders, while the rest of them showed him the Governor's office.

“What is the meaning of this?” One of the officials demanded as he entered Sir Thomas's office.

“Yes.” Chimed another, entering behind the first.

“We have serious business to conduct.” Thomas snapped, glaring at the full room of officials.

“What business can be so urgent that you must conduct it the moment you've stepped on the island?”

“While we were sailing here, we were attacked and boarded by pirates.” Thomas replied, his temper mounting more and more.

“Pirates!” Several gasped.

“Yes, pirates!” He barked, impatiently. “They've not only stolen several valuables from the HMS Kilmartin, they've also kidnapped my daughter and are holding her for ransom.”

A murmur went through the collection of men in the room, agitating everyone.

“What is the pirate's demand for her back?” One of the men asked, lifting a brow at Sir Thomas.

“Three-fourths of the islands money and goods.”

“Absolutely not!” The man roared back. “You can't just show up here and give them almost all that we have, I don't care if the pirate has your mother!” He protested, several of the others agreeing.

“I have no intention of giving them anything, you fools.” Thomas hissed, banging a fist on his desk.

“Then, how do you propose we retrieve your daughter back?”

“That—what is it?” Thomas barked as the door to his office opened to his clerk, Samuel.

“There is a boy here to see you, Sir.” The clerk replied, sheepishly. “Says, he has a message for you.”

“Tell him to wait.”

“But, Sir, he says it's from a man on a ship called the Crimson Jersey.”

Thomas stiffened at his words. “Let him in.” He said, pushing off his desk.

The clerk pushed the door open and stood out of the way, omitting Hany into the office. He looked around at the full room and gulped, slowly removing the note Nullings had given him out of his pocket and held it up, looking into the face of everyone in the room, not sure which of them it was meant for.

“Governor?” He said, hesitantly.

“Yes, that's me.” Thomas replied, stepping from behind his desk. “Hand it here.”

Hany took a couple steps forward, meeting Thomas halfway and allowed him to take the note from his hand. “I wait for reply.” He informed your father, uncomfortable.

“Yes, yes.” Thomas nodded, breaking the wax seal and unrolled the stiff paper.

“To the Governor of Lockemirth Island. I send you this note to inform you that I and your daughter, who is in good health and condition, are quite nearby to your island of Lockemirth. I send this messenger and expect him, and your answer, back before first light tomorrow morning. If he, or your reply, do not return by that time, I will take that as a sign of your refusal to pay her ransom and your leaving her to my mercy. Captain Henry Cavill of the pirate ship, the Crimson Jersey.”

Thomas read the note aloud, his hands slowly starting to shake with the multitude of emotions he was struggling to keep at bay.

“What is your plan, Governor?” One of the men asked, watching him restlessly pace the room.

He paced the room for several more moments, trying to gather his thoughts and form some sort of plan to get you back from Henry. Stepping up to the globe that was beside his desk, he studied it for a long moment, before turning to his desk and took up a quill and a piece of parchment paper, scribbling down his reply to Henry's note, and sealed it, pressing the signet ring on his pinkie into the cooling wax to make it official.

“Take this back to him and tell him we'll be waiting for him at that location.” He told Hany, then dismissed him to return to Nullings with the reply.

“Sir?” A man impatiently growled.

“We'll be meeting the pirate on Hafstead island.” Thomas replied, meeting the group's eye. “There is only one likely place that the Pirate and his men would make harbor in, and that's Tortuga. It's the only Island close enough to us and is friendly to their kind.” He explained his logic.

“Putting Hafstead island between Tortuga and Lockemirth, a perfect neutral ground for our transaction.”

“You stated you wouldn't be giving them their ransom demands? How then, are you planning to get your daughter back from them?”

“Misdirection.” Thomas smiled at him.

“We'll fill two crates with the goods and the rest with something else that will weigh roughly the same as the real two. They'll demand to see proof that we have their demands, so when they do, we show them the first two. Once they've handed my daughter over and move to start loading the ransom onto their long boats, we'll have guards from here attack, and all will be well.”

“I'll have my daughter back and the island will lose none of its profits.”

“You're sure this will work?”

“Yes.” He nodded, confidently.

With what men who wanted to go ashore gone, Henry let some of the tension go out of his shoulders, before heading back into his cabin. He opened the door just as you were opening one of the windows at the back of the ship, crouching in it, poised to jump into the water blow.

“Don't you dare!” Henry barked between clenched teeth, pointing a finger at you in warning, his lip curling with anger.

You looked over your shoulder at him, heart racing in your chest and hands shaking as you gripped the open window frame. Both of your hearts paused for a frightful moment, and everything became slow-motion; Henry taking a slow step forward as you gradually let go of the window and tipped forward out of it. Reality caught up as you slipped out the window, free falling countless meters, just as Henry stuck his head out the open window to see you crash into the foamy waves.

“Fuck!” He shrieked, enraged and concerned.

Glancing behind him for a moment, Henry tore off his jerkin and boots, before swan diving out of the window and into the water after you. Making it into the water, Henry saw you slowly sinking and struggling to swim with the weight of your clothing bearing down on you. Bubbles rose towards him as you struggled to hold your breath and quickly losing the fight. Kicking his feet harder, Henry reached you and wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling you against his sturdy body, buoying both of you, before his fingers dug into the ties of your corset and dress, ripping them open and letting the heavy garment slip off your body and sink into the oblivion of the ocean below. Kicking his legs in unison with yours, Henry propelled you both to the surface of the choppy waves.

“You fucking brat!” Henry hissed, shaking his head, his long hair coming free from its tie, before sticking two fingers into his mouth and let out a shrill whistle, right beside your ear, uncaring if it hurt you as you coughed and sputtered for air.

A shrill whistle sounded back as he guided you around to the side of the ship, the remaining crew leaning over the railing, to see the two of you treading water.

“Man overboard!” A call went out, the men jumping to action.

“Captain overboard!” Another corrected back.

Several of the crew helped Henry haul you back onto the ship from a small ladder built into its starboard side. You stood on the deck in nothing but your shift, hugging your arms against your chest and shivering violently in the strong breeze. Henry finally set his soaking feet onto the deck, the men huddled around him for a moment, to make sure he was all right, but his blue eyes were burning holes into you.

“Go back to your duties!” He bellowed at his men, who paused for a moment, then scattered out of sight.

Henry snapped across to you, his hand raised and stopping a centimeter away from your cheek, you scrunched up your body, wincing and turning your head away, anticipating the slap. He shook, throat bobbing up and down as he struggled to control his white hot anger. His hand unclenched and squeezed around your jaw, in a bruising grip. He jerked your head forward to look up at him, making you whimper. Your frightened eyes looked into his furious blue gaze, like he was tearing you apart with his sight alone.

You shivered again and whined, cold and scared, the suspense of not knowing what Henry was going to do to you, for your open and continued disobedience.

His hand moved from your chin and grabbed you by the neck, making you yelp with alarm, terrified he was about to kill you. But he growled deep in his throat; dull nails digging into your skin. Henry jerked you sharply towards him, crushing you against his soaking body and crashing his lips to your cold ones, in an angry and sloppy kiss, his other hand coming up to tangle in the back of your wet hair. You struggled against him, squirming, beating and clawing at his chest, but Henry wasn't deterred, his continued to kiss you, for a long moment, before breaking it, then, with his hand still in your hair, Henry dragged you back into his cabin and shoved you onto his bed, uncaring that you would get the blankets and mattress wet.

Stomping across the cabin, he retrieved a coil of twine that was on a sideboard and crossed back to you. Yanking your arms up, Henry tightly weaved the rough twine around your wrists and tied it off, leaving a length of it hang from it, before cutting the excess with a small knife that was in his belt. Taking the lead of your bonds, Henry tied it to one of the bed posts.

“You're a fool.” You hissed at him as he picked up his boots and jerkin, closing the window as well.

“Am I?” He laughed, tossing his jerkin over the back of his chair.

“My father doesn't suffer Pirates.” You replied, jerking on your bonds. “He never has and he never will. You may think you'll get what you want. But, the moment he has me. He will kill you.” You told him with a deep conviction.

“He's been killing Pirates, better than you, before you were alive.”

Henry turned towards you, eyes wide with focus as he regarded you and digested your words, but before he could answer you, the door flew open and Nullings came flying in, skidding to a stop as he noticed you tied to the bed, then looked to Henry with a questioning look.

“What's the word?” Henry asked, ignoring his expression.

Clearing his throat, Nullings replied. “The Governor has replied to our ransom, he'll meet us at Hafstead island with our demands in exchange for the girl, tomorrow afternoon.”

Henry gripped the back of his chair, drumming his fingers against the carved dark wood, then glanced over at you, before pushing off his chair and hustled out of the cabin with Nullings, closing the door behind them.

“It's a set up.” Henry told him, keeping his voice low.

“What?” Nullings snapped, brow and forehead creasing. “Why do you say that?”

“Something she said.” He replied, carding a hand through his drying curls. “I want you to go back into town, find a girl her height and appearance..”

“I'm sure the man knows what his own flesh and blood looks like, Hank.” Nullings huffed, shaking his head. “Be real.”

“Listen to me.” Henry growled back, chest heaving. “Cover her head, so they don't see her face. That way, we find out just how truthful the dear old Governor is being. Take everything they bring for the ransom, only after everything loaded, will you give her to them.”

“And where will she be?”

“With me.” Henry replied. “I know Hafstead island, I know a good place to keep her. If anything goes wrong, I'll take her back aboard here, we'll all come back to the ship and head for our island.”

“You want to take her back to Shipwreck Island, if something goes awry?”

“That was the deal.” Henry barked at him. “His refusal to pay, would forfeit her to my mercy.”

“What do you bloody plan to do with her?” Nullings asked, exasperated.

“I'll figure something out.” He replied, unperturbed. “Do you understand the plan, Ben?”

Nullings tapped his foot, antsy, as he ran through the plan in his head, things were getting so much more complicated than he anticipated.

“Yeah, yeah!” He sighed, giving in. “I got it, Hank.”

“Great, get about it.” Henry smiled, patting his friend on the shoulder and going back into his cabin. “You and I, my sweet pet.” He grinned, tilting your head back to look up at him.

“Have a date tomorrow.”

167 notes · View notes

jd-loves-everyone · 4 years ago

Text

UNO

➤ Recording your newest youtube video and talking back to your boyfriend, Chan, ends up getting you into a lot more trouble than you expected.

➤ genre: smut

➤ wc: 2.3K (well this got long)

➤ warnings: dom!chan, sub!reader, minor preparation (be very careful or you could get hurt), use of the color system, dirty talk, power imbalance, finger sucking, explicit language, strength/size kink(?), mentioned aftercare.

➤ a/n: Yes I have a youtube channel. No, I am not self-projecting (maybe just a little bit :)) Also, please tell me what you thought about this because I haven’t written smut in nearly a year so I’m not sure if I like this, plus english isn’t my first language so let me know if anything doesn’t make sense :)

Perhaps pushing your boyfriend, Chan, wasn't the best idea. No matter the situation. But, in your defense Felix had taken you telling him to "suck my nonexistent dick" quite well, so what you told Chan wasn't THAT bad. At least in comparison. But perhaps it had been the seemingly endless build up to it that made him blow a fuse.

You had recently found out that videos of playing Uno with friends were not only fun, but also extremely popular. So it seemed like a great way to spend your Friday afternoon with Chan, Felix and Jisung, while also recording a video that would no doubt be entertaining.

It was no secret to anyone that all the boys were quite competitive (in various degrees, but all very competitive nonetheless), and to anyone that watched you play any sort of game it was also no secret that you were very competitive as well.

So, everyone you had invited to participate were people who could: speak English, were competitive and got frustrated quickly, which would all hopefully make for a pretty funny video. What you didn't account for was your own (unexpectedly) short temper and unfiltered vocabulary, all probably due to the presence of a microphone.

And so, with Chan in the next room in your house, you in your office and Felix and Jisung in their own houses, the game began. It started pretty slow, with everyone getting used to the setting and the game, but all eventually loosened up after the first "f bomb" was dropped. From there followed many minutes of frustrated yelling that rapidly grew in volume every time someone screwed someone else over. It seemed most prevalent between you and Chan though. And with every card he played to make you lose, your playfulness dissipated. Chan had tolerated your bratty behavior for most of the game, but that statement was the last straw.

“That’s it. You’re sleeping on the couch tonight.” You deadpanned amidst Felix and Jisung’s booming laughter, after your boyfriend made you pick up 4 more cards just as you were about to win. The silence that followed from his side should have made it clear to you that a line had been crossed. But you barely noticed as Chan seemed to go back to his normal self not long after.

The game continued normally and you ended it after getting enough footage for a video, ending the recording and saying goodbye to your friends and moving to Chan’s office.

Upon seeing him sitting in his chair, facing his computer, you decided to move towards him quietly to surprise him, given your current good mood. As you reached him you wrapped your arms around his shoulders, burying your face in the side of his neck and filing it with loud kisses.

The last thing you expected was for him to grasp your wrist tight enough to make a point: that he wasn’t pleased. With something you had done, most likely. Most definitely, otherwise he’d be telling you about his frustrations and not keeping vice-like grip on your hand.

“Chan?” You asked, oh-so innocently. It almost made him snicker. Instead he turned his chair around, tugging you forward to stand in between his spread legs, staring at you with fire in his eyes. Meanwhile you wracked your brain for the reason as to what you had done to make him mad.

“I’m a little disappointed with my baby girl today. You know why?” His voice was dangerously low, and suspiciously devious. You were almost sure he was doing this just to toy with you because he knew you loved it.

You furrowed your brows in concentration. What could it have been? None of what you had said or done seemed unusual or out of line. Maybe his patience was running low today? Perhaps there were simply so many little things that could be considered “mistakes” on your part, for you to figure out what the catalyst was.

"You don't know, do you?" He chuckles mockingly, his hold on your wrist loosening, lulling you into a false sense of security.

“I’m disappointed with my baby girl, because she was being a brat all game. Talking back to me with that attitude, trying to convince everyone you were in control. But we both know you’re not. I even let most of it slip since it was for the video, but I feel like perhaps you forgot who’s in control here. I also think that you were enjoying being on top for once, too much.” Chan spoke huskily, rising from the chair and looking down at your form.

“Maybe I need to show you who’s in charge.” He said absentmindedly, placing his hand on your cheek and stroking your bottom lip with his thumb, smiling softly when your lips parted to let his finger through. You licked it softly, hoping to please him. He saw right through you immediately, smirking as he pressed his thumb down on your tongue, making your mouth open wider. Saliva pooled at the bottom due to the dominant presence he exuded and the darkness in his gaze which promised an eventful night.

"Go to the bedroom, take your clothes off and maybe I'll think about going easy on you." He whispered, stepping back to give you space. Strangely enough, without his scent surrounding you, you felt dazed and somewhat cold.

But you hurried to carry out his order. Part of you wanted to push him just a little more, just to test him. But another, bigger part, just wanted to be his good girl.

You felt exposed and vulnerable as you stood in front of the bed, naked and waiting for Chan to step through the bedroom door. As he did, you felt goosebumps appear all over your skin as he looked you up and down appreciatively. You tried covering yourself as he made his way to you. He had seen you naked before (and in much more compromising positions) but the way his predatory gaze traced every one of curves, taking you in as if it was the first time, every time, just set fire to the blood in your veins and cheeks.

“Why are you hiding, baby? You seemed so confident just a few minutes ago. Where has all that attitude gone?” Chan taunted, taking his clothes off painfully slowly before sitting against the headboard, watching you with those keen eyes. Even if you were both naked, you felt nowhere near out of his grasp. All the muscles now exposed to you made your mouth water, just at the sight of his statuesque body that he worked so hard for, covered by marble-like skin.

“Come closer baby. Don’t get all shy now.”

You moved forward meekly, crawling until you were knelt in front of him, trying so hard to not let your eyes drop down to follow his v-line down to his cock. It was so enticing every time that it took all your willpower to keep his lustful gaze. He smirked, as if noticing your struggle.

"You're in the wrong spot, baby. I want to sit right here." He said as he patted both his thighs. "Since you like being on top so much, I want you to ride me. You do all the work this time. Because you're only coming tonight if you work for it."

The cockiness in his voice made you shiver in anticipation.

You crawled forward once more, straddling his lap and squirming at the feeling of him rubbing against your already dripping folds. Even though this persona of his never failed to get you wet enough for him to slide himself in smoothly, you knew the stretch would still be a bit painful, which perhaps was his intention.

He cupped your cheek in his hand gently, looking at you with unveiled concern despite his lust-blown pupils.

“Color?” He asked carefully, stroking your flesh soothingly as you leaned into the touch, making him smile fondly.

“Green. But, please go slow.” You replied once the fog in your mind cleared, looking your loving boyfriend in the eyes, deeply appreciative of his carefulness. He patted you cheek softly, nodding, before the switch flipped and he was back to his darker self, no more gentleness left in his gaze, hands grabbing you hips tightly and jerking you against him slightly. You jumped in surprise, letting out a whimper at the feeling of his hard member against you. He sent you a look as if to say: 'get to it'.

You slowly trailed your hand down your body as Chan stared unabashedly, before he grabbed your hand.

"No no. You seemed so eager to finish during the game. So why don't you just get to it?" He said lowly, scratching his nails on your thighs before groping the flesh harshly.

Not wanting to contradict him anymore, you grabbed his cock in your hand, spreading your essence on him, before positioning him at your entrance.

As you slowly sat on him, his breathing became harsh and labored, and you winced and whimpered at the stretch. It burned slightly but it wasn’t nearly as painful as the first time had been since you were going slow enough to adjust to his size. But it seemed as if Chan was struggling quite a bit,

He leaned his head back, neck on full display as his jaw clenched, trying his best to hold himself back from thrusting up into you. You realized that this was not only a punishment for you but also for him. Perhaps his plan backfired? Or perhaps he had planned this but realized he actually wouldn’t be able to hold himself back in a few minutes. Only time could tell.

Your eyes locked onto the prominent veins just under his fair skin, looking so inviting that you just couldn’t resist the urge to suck a blot of red onto his neck making him groan as he moved inside you as you leaned towards him. His grip on your hips tightened.

“Fuck! You’re so tight!” He said breathlessly, easing the grip he had on you to let you move.

And as you felt as if the pain had passed, you held onto his shoulders tightly and started moving up and down. The feel of him rubbing against your walls was almost too much as you could feel every bump and vein of his cock as you clenched experimentally. It made Chan let out a startled moan, probably louder than he intended as his cheeks reddened for more than exertion, eyes rolling back at the feeling.

Upon seeing the effect you had on him you got a sudden boost in confidence, riding him with fervor, determined to do your best and get more of those delicious reactions out of him.

The room filled with the sound of skin slapping as you bounced on his lap making more euphoric noises spill from Chan’s throat. You were in a similar state, the position allowing him to hit every sweet spot inside you, making you emit countless moans and whimpers.

You felt your orgasm build, tears gathering in your eyes at the overwhelming feeling of being so close but so far from the finish line, but being unable to reach it as your thighs became sore from smacking against Chan and fatigue started to weaken your limbs. You let out frustrated whimpers as you held onto his shoulders tight enough for your fingers to go white from pressure, which made Chan groan.

“Chan please! I can’t… anymore…” You begged breathlessly as your movements slowed down.

“Ah, fuck it.” He said, taking hold of your hips before flipping you onto your back without separating your bodies. He settled between your widely spread legs, pushing his hips forward with all the strength he had been holding back, grunting with effort.

“Poor baby. Can’t even make yourself cum without my help, huh? Not strong enough to handle it, are you?” He spoke smugly as your moans became louder and louder at his words.

Your breasts moved in tandem with his movements, attracting his attention which made him lean forward to take one of your enticing nipples into his warm and wet mouth. With the way your voice kept rising in volume, you knew your neighbors couldn’t be too happy.

“Are you close baby? Are you gonna cum for me?” He said as he took his mouth off of your chest, revealing the erotic sight of his saliva covering your nipple sloppily.

“Y-Yes! So close, Chan please.” You didn’t know what you were pleading for but Chan seemed pleased with your response as he pressed his lips against yours, trying but not fully succeeding in muffling your noises, as his hand trailed towards your center to rub your clit harshly which gave you that extra push.

As you tipped over the edge, barreling towards an overwhelming orgasm that made a few tears spill from your eyes, you clenched impossibly tight around Chan’s cock making him break the kiss, moaning and groaning openly into your mouth as you did the same.

Your breathing slowly returned to normal as you felt Chan’s sticky essence drip out of your hole as he pulled out, an image wished seemed to have captured his attention as he openly gazed at you red and spent pussy. Despite all that you had already done, and with the haze of lust no longer present, you blushed at his laser focused eyes set on your dripping core.

“I’ll never get tired of this.” He whispered almost to himself, smirking at your flushed and pouty face.

“Let’s get cleaned up, alright baby?” He said as he kissed your forehead gently.

“Just one thing Chan.” He tilted his head cutely, to show that he was listening. “Next time, try to not be such an asshole and maybe I’ll be nice in return.”

332 notes · View notes

nine-mp3 · 4 years ago

Text

- a one-shot inspired by OnlyOneOf’s Love going back to black hair recently

- vampire!love / jisung

- reader!witch/warlock

- word count: 1755

- warnings: blood mention, narrator only curses once, other than that it is very pg-13

Lifting up the hatch to the roof of the cabin, you carefully move your way up to the surface. The cool night air of the forest is inviting; promising for days when you couldn't sleep, too many thoughts in mind. You walked across the ceramic tiles, careful not to slip. In one of your hands was a can of Coca-Cola, a favorite drink of the mortals in the world. And it so happened to be the same for yourself though you were a witch/warlock. As for your other hand, you held a medium-sized juice pouch with dark red liquid contained inside; it was made of primarily cranberry juice and other herbs, a known supplement for blood that only witches or warlocks can make. A very popular consumable in the supernatural market.

You sat down at the other end of the roof, a few feet away from the trap door, and set down the juice pouch, while opening the coke. As you take a sip, the carbonation hits your nose strongly, making you wrinkle your nose for a moment. A black and tawny cat, Chestnut, leapt up from the trap door. She walks over, joining you, brushing against your arms. Though it seemed like the cat was accompanying you, she in reality was waiting for someone else. But you give the cat what she wants anyways; attention, rubbing her head generously.

It wasn't long till said person came, as they had promised to do so the other day. You barely had enough time to blink when someone appeared besides you without any warning. Most people would be shocked, or perhaps fallen off the roof. And that is speaking from personal experience, from when you first befriended Jisung.

You eventually got used to it; being friends with a vampire simply just came with these surprise appearances. It’s one of the lesser terrifying things in the world when you think about it, considering the life you live as one kind of supernatural being as well.

Chestnut leaps out of your arms without another thought and into his, purring endlessly into his chest. Jisung laughs, happy to greet an animal who wasn't afraid of him. Hands running through fur, he hugs the cat with the same amount of affection.

"You made it. And on time," you said, a smile reaching your face upon seeing him.

"Did you think I wouldn't show up?" Jisung asked, his dark crimson eyes moving away from the cat to look at you.

He idly played with Chestnut's paws as the cat rested on his lap now; it was quite scary to see a cat be in the hands of a vampire literally, wary of Jisung's long dark nails. But over time, you came to know that he was one of the gentler vampires in the world. And cats knew better than all of us; Chestnut wouldn't approach Jisung if she felt he was dangerous.

"No. It's not an easy travel route to here, I mean," you said, setting down your can of coke to poke the straw into the juice pouch you had reserved for him.

He scooted over closer and was mindful not to jostle the cat in his lap as he did. Jisung smiled giddly, teeth and fangs showing, as if he was a child receiving sweets, and took the juice pouch from your hands to take a sip. You watched as his image changed once he took a generous glup and swallowed; he ran a hand through his black locks of hair, before leaning back against his arms. The light from the night stars made his pale skin glisten, even more than usual. It's hard not to look at him.

And here's the confession; you thought Jisung is very beautiful. Vampires just came with good looks. He's not the first vampire you've met in your life either. Safe to say most of them are assholes and only have one goal in mind: to survive. As for him, he is both beautiful inside and outside; the supernatural transformation did not take away his ability to be kind or blurr the meaning of it. You assumed it took a great amount of willpower to do such a thing. Comparing the life of a mortal to a vampire, it was drastically different.

"Worried that I can't handle a couple of forest demons?" Jisung asked then, elbowing me playfully.

"I guess it's something like that... anyways, do you know what day it is?" you responded.

"March 20th? Or is it one of your witchy / warlocky holidays?"

"...Witchy / warlocky holidays? Name one."

"Halloween."

"Huh? That one applies to all supernatural creatures-"

Jisung snickered, seeming to enjoy the confusion on your face. You knew he was joking then and shoved him to the side as hard as you could with your shoulder. Unfortunately, vampires have insane super strength in this world also; your physical shove did nothing to him. It might've hurt just your own shoulder in the end. The vampire, unmoving, laughs even harder.

"God, you're annoying. I'll send you across the field with a fireball if you don't shut up," you said, folding your arms and rolling your eyes in irritation.

"You like me too much to do that," Jisung responded, his smile turning into a knowing one.

In moments like these, when he was making fun of you, it was easier not to look at him out of spite. Jisung teased you relentlessly, but it was part of the friendship. You did the same back, except this moment was particularly different. The meaning of this day. The vampire notices your demeanor, the seriousness, and stops laughing.

“Aw, come on...I know what day it is, y/n. March 20th, the Spring Solstice. The anniversary of the day we first met," he said now. "I remember and...it's not something I would forget."

You didn't immediately look at Jisung again when he said that. It was because no one had ever said anything like that to you, the level of genuineness you felt from his words; it caught you off guard. Warmth had crept up on your face, paired off with the sudden acceleration of your heart. This wasn't something you can hide from a vampire though, it was more out of embarrassment to not look at him now. Out of the corner of your eyes, you saw Jisung's face become written with surprise.

It was probably also good to note that a witch’s /warlock's blood was particularly toxic to vampires, which was another reason why it wasn't hard to become friends with him in the first place; you didn't have to worry about him thinking of you as a midnight snack.

There was a good moment of silence as you attempted to muster the courage to find a way to respond to that and of course, explain why in the world you were reacting this way. You were trying to figure out for the longest time about how you truly felt about Jisung; if you were confusing feelings of friendship for...something else. The last thing you wanted to do was to ruin it all.

This had happened several times and before Jisung could ask any questions, you teleported away from him. And you were about to do that again. He seemed to have anticipated the move and grabbed your hands, a tight grasp, preventing you from casting the spell. This forced you to look at him, though mainly out of your own surprise. There was a concern on his face now instead, and you couldn't miss the dilation of his pupils either; this made you know, whatever you were feeling, Jisung mutually felt the same. You felt stupid for not seeing it sooner; it made sense since you did literally disappear every moment before you could see his reaction every single time. But you were only scared.

“Sorry,” you blurted out, breaking the heavy silence. “I’ve just been confused and I don’t know what this all means and you’re like my best friend and I don’t want to lose you and you know how complicated it would be for beings like us and-”

Jisung removed one of his hands to cover your mouth, stopping you from talking.

“Okay. Now when I remove my hand you’re going to breathe. Sound good?”

You nodded, complying with his words. When he takes his hand from over your mouth, you inhale and exhale as directed. Looking back over to Jisung, he has an assuring smile on his face. He held both your hands in his again, his thumbs gently stroking in comfort. You noted that Chestnut the cat had gone from his lap; she must’ve thought you two needed to work something out when sensing tension from you and fled. It was one less thing to worry about.

“So, all of that...was the reason why you kept running away?” he asked.

“Yes. It was,” you admitted, the feeling of embarrassment returning.

Jisung laughed lightly and you saw it now, his own shyness visible.

“It’s hard to find the words...but I honestly wondered if you’d ever really think of me that way. I know that I have this irresistible beauty-”

You rolled your eyes for the second time today at that statement, almost wanting to retract your hands, yet he again prevented you from leaving until he finished his sentence.

“- let me finish! But we both know it’s the vampire charm, blah, blah. Anyways, what I’m really trying to say is that I do have the same feelings- I mean at least what I sense your heart is telling me and all your stinky blood rushing around like that in your veins. Since day one, if you really want this to get anymore cliche...a vampire falling for a witch/warlock, vice versa...happens once in a blue moon, doesn’t it?”

Of course, Jisung still manages to joke while making a confession out of awkwardness. Yet you couldn’t be any more happier though. You pulled your hands away from his to wrap your arms around his shoulders for a tight hug, not minding how cold he was. There was no hesitation from Jisung either, his own arms immediately moving to loop around your frame, enjoying the warmth that emitted from your body, tucking his head against yours. The two of you spent a while like that, enjoying each other’s presence, before beginning to talk again about memories, addressing the moments where you both were dodgy; overall, catching up with each other’s feelings as the night continued on.

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cocastyle · 5 years ago

Text

The In-Between Chapter 9

Stranger Things x It Crossover

with some Bill Denbrough x reader

Word Count - 5,340

Warning - none

A/N - I’m so sorry it’s taken so long for me to update :(( as some of you know, I had an allergic reaction recently and have been so sick and out of it that I wasn’t able to really write anything. and I didn’t want to just post something to post something so I had to wait until I was feeling better which turned out to be today. anyways, this chapter is back to the normal length I had started out with at the beginning of this series simply because I don’t want this series to end yet and the next chapter might be a little long because it is going to be action packed! I hope you all enjoy this chapter and please leave me comments letting me know what you think so far!!

if you would like to be added to the tag list, let me know!

T H E I N - B E T W E E N

Intro The Losers’ Club The Party Prologue 1 2

3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 Epilogue

When Eleven opened her eyes she was met with nothingness. All around her was just the empty black void that usually surrounded her when she tried to use her powers, the ground below her covered with water that was invisible to the eye but still made the sloshing around sound when she moved.

She began to walk forward with no destination pinpointed in her head. All she had guiding her along was a feeling, a feeling that told her Y/N was close.

Eleven let the feeling guide her as she silently walked through the void, only ever breaking the silence to let out a small sigh of relief when something began to appear in the distance. She didn't know what had her doing it, but Eleven found herself breaking into a run, the thought of Y/N being so close even if it was only in her mind enough to move her along.

As she grew closer, she realized that the thing in the distance had been none other than Y/N herself, the young girl hugging her body and trying to make herself as small as possible as she quietly sobbed. Eleven felt her heart drop at the sight and she didn't hesitate to slide to her knees in front of the girl, the invisible water splashing up onto her jeans as she did so.

Y/N let out a small sob as she hid her face against her knees that she was hugging close to her chest. It was obvious she was hiding from the way she kept her cries to only above a whisper level and how she kept her body as small as possible.

Eleven didn't like thinking that Y/N was actually hiding from something and that she was no one near enough to help.

Eleven stared at her friend for a moment before whispering out, "Y/N?"

The girl tensed at that, her cries silencing as her body shook less. Y/N pulled her face away from her knees and let her eyes flicker around her before they landed on Eleven. A look of utter fear was on Y/N's face, but she still managed to whisper out, "El?"

Eleven felt the tears begin to fill her eyes as she looked at her friend, nodding her head almost eagerly as if to tell her that she was here. "We're coming for you," Eleven told her. "Me, Bill, the Party, and the rest of the Losers. We're all coming to save you."

"I don't want you guys getting hurt," Y/N whispered, the fright in her eyes ten times worse now that she was thinking about her friends coming after her.

"We're coming to get you," Eleven stared firmly, tears falling down her cheek. "You're going to be okay. Just wait a little longer."

"Please hurry," Y/N finally said, nodding slightly as she realized there was no way she could change her friends' minds. There was silence before Y/N perked up, almost as if she had heard a sound.

Y/N began to shake, her eyes flickering over to Eleven as her lip started to quiver. Y/N let out a soft sob and desperately reached out for Eleven as she whimpered out, "El."

Eleven didn't even hesitate to reach out for the girl, wanting nothing more than to be able to rip her friend away from the situation she was in. But just when their hands were about to touch, Y/N let out a scream and her image dissolved before Eleven's eyes.

Eleven's hand fell through the air and hit the ground. It was like everything hit her all at once and Eleven let out a scream, her whole body shaking as she desperately touched the area around her.

"Y/N! Y/N!" Eleven cried out, the water splashing everywhere as she tried to get her friend back. The tears were freely flowing now and she was sobbing as she grabbed at nothing.

She was woken awake at that moment and Eleven came back to reality with a loud gasp, the tears in her mind a real representation of how she looked now. She was hyperventilating and she desperately looked around, barely being able to focus on Wheeler or Max who were kneeling down before her.

Their lips were moving, but Eleven couldn't register what they said. All she could do was scream and cry out her friend's name as hot tears rolled down her cheeks.

The sight of her was making everyone freak out except for Bill who had gone as white as a sheet, his eyes glossing over as she stared at Eleven helplessly. . .heartbrokenly.

Wheeler eventually just pulled Eleven close to his body, the hug he gave her secure enough that she began to calm down and was able to hold him back. It took her a couple of more minutes, but her screams quieted and she was left just softly crying as Wheeler held her.

Bill was the first to say something, finally breaking the silence with, "W-W-What happened? Is Y/N o-o-okay?"

Everyone looked to him, the desperation in his voice for needing Y/N to be okay enough to tug at their heartstrings. Eleven locked eyes with the boy and wiped at her tears as she whispered, "I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?" Steve asked a little aggressively, the thought of the girl being anything but okay not able to process in his mind.

"She. . .she disappeared," Eleven said, those words earning confused looks from everyone. "I saw her. She was hiding and she was scared. I told her that we were coming and then she screamed and disappeared."

Eleven began to cry again and a heavy silence fell among the group as they tried to think of what could've gotten her. Whether it was Pennywise or a demogorgon, neither would be good.

Bill clenched his jaw and looked to the ground before saying, "So she's alive and needs our help." Everyone looked to him, wondering if he wasn't quite understanding what Eleven had said.

But when they saw the tears in his eyes, they knew he had heard but didn't want to listen or believe anything other than Y/N was alive. And maybe they were the same way.

Richie nodded in agreement before clapping his hands to gain the attention of the others. He smirked at them, "Let's get to work, motherfuckers."

- - -

The Losers and the Party spent the rest of the evening preparing for their journey into the Upside Down. Having gone into the Well House late that evening, the groups were only able to get the necessary weapons they needed and plan out how to teach the other group to fight their enemy. So the next day all of the Losers had to come up with some excuse for not being able to go to school just to be able to get to Y/N's house.

Luckily Y/N's parents were still out of town, so they had no idea that their little girl was missing. As for the Losers' parents, they all believed that Richie had mono, Eddie was having a bad asthma day, Bill had strep, Beverly had bronchitis, Ben had a stomach bug, and that Mike was fighting a fever. So after their parents all left for work and the kids locked their doors, they climbed out their windows, got on their bikes, and pedaled towards Y/N's house.

They were there by nine and the game plan for the day was that the Losers would tell their story to the Party before teaching them how to fight off Pennywise before lunch. After lunch, the Party would then tell the Losers about their story before teaching them how to fight the Upside Down and the mindflayer.

That's how the Losers ended up telling everyone about what had happened to them two years ago, starting with the disappearance of Georgie Denbrough and ending with the pact they had made as they showed the others their hands.

"You guys were fifteen and decided to make your own blood oath?" Steve asked in shock. The Losers were silent as they stared at the boy before they nodded. "Well, shit. When I was fifteen, all Y/N and I did was make pinky promises."

That earned a small chuckle from the others, finally breaking some of the tension that had fallen on them since the previous night.

"So how do we defeat this thing?" Lucas asked, leaning back in his chair as he let his eyes flicker over the Losers.

"Do one of you have a secret power you aren't telling us about?" Will questioned, the look in his eyes almost hopeful as he wished for nothing more than it to be that easy. Then again, nothing ever was.

"Sadly, no," Stan muttered with a sigh.

"It feeds on fear," Beverly explained. "Two years ago, we were able to defeat It because we weren't afraid."

"So we just have to not be afraid?" Dustin asked.

"That's simple enough," Steve muttered with a shrug, not understanding why fighting this clown was so hard.

"You don't get it," Mike insisted as he shook his head. "It changes into your worst fears. It will take all of your willpower not to be afraid of what it shows you."

The Party all froze at that, their fears flashing through their head, before they all shuddered in sync. "How the hell are we going to be able to stop that stupid clown from scaring us if it changes into our worst nightmares?" Max asked.

"How did you guys do it?" Wheeler asked, his eyes flickering over the group before he stopped on Richie and gave him a questioning look.

"I just imagined your mom and I wasn't scared anymore," Richie said almost instantly before he grimaced. "Sorry, it's about instinct. But in all seriousness, you just have to think about what's most important in that moment. For us, that fucking clown was literally holding Bill hostage, so all we could think about was saving our friend and then getting the hell out of there."

"It had killed so many kids just like us that all we wanted was for it to end," Eddie agreed.

"I think we were more angry than anything. It had captured Beverly and then was threatening to kill Bill right then and there. We were mad," Ben added.

"You have to take your fear and then it into anger," Stan explained.

"Th-Th-Think of Y/N," Bill said, the mention of their friend's name making everyone tense. "Think of h-h-her and how she's b-b-being tortured down there. Th-Th-Think of how much you w-w-want to save her and h-h-how angry you are that th-th-they would even think of h-h-harming her."

The Party all nodded, completely understanding what Bill was telling them. Getting angry wouldn't be the hard part. Sure they were upset about what had happened, but they were pissed at the prospect of It or the Mindflayer touching and harming their friend.

"Don't let It g-g-gain control and w-w-winning this thing should b-b-be easy."

- - -

"Welcome to Dustin's Fool-Proof Five Steps to Defeating the Upside Down and Saving Your Friend seminar," Dustin announced as he stood before the Losers' Club with his hands clasped together. It was just after lunch and Dustin had insisted on everyone sitting down while he started the next session off.

The Party stood behind him and rolled their eyes gently while the Losers all stared at him in surprise. Richie glanced over at Eddie who was sitting beside him and gave him a look to which Eddie returned with a shrug before they turned their attention back to the boy before them.

"Let's begin with a crash course on everything you need to know about the Upside Down. It all began when Will over here went missing," Dustin began before he started rambling his way through the story, talking about how they had first met Eleven and Y/N had insisted they help her out and ending with the Fourth of July where they defeated the Mind Flayer and then Y/N moved.

Dustin clapped his hands and looked to the group before saying, "Any questions as of right now?" Eddie began to raise his hand, but Dustin ignored him and just smiled, "Great. Let's move onto the five steps, shall we?"

Eddie let his hand slowly fall while Richie chuckled beside him, which earned him a punch in the shoulder.

"Step one is knowing what you're dealing with, which I just told you so you're already partially there!" Dustin told them with a smile while Richie looked to Wheeler in disbelief. Wheeler just shrugged and Richie looked back to Dustin.

"Step Two is-"

"Okay, buddy. I think that's enough," Lucas said as he patted his friend's shoulder.

"But they haven't heard steps two, three, four, or five," Dustin complained.

Lucas just ignored the boy before gently pushing him aside. "What you guys need to know is that literally anything can be a weapon when it comes to fighting the Upside Down. I mean, we used shitty fireworks against the Mind Flayer! If we distract him long enough for Eleven to use her powers, then we will be golden," Lucas explained.

"But whatever we do, we have to be quiet. The Upside Down is the Mind Flayer's territory. We so much as slip up once and he will be on our tail as will all the other demogorgons and demodogs," Wheeler said.

"So basically we just need to protect Eleven and stay quiet so that the Mind Flayer can't sense us?" Stan asked.

"Pretty much," Steve replied with a small shrug as he messed with the nails on his bat.

"We have to make sure to close the gate," Will added. "If we don't close it, there's no telling what will happen. You guys said that It has been in our world before and we know that the Mind Flayer has been in our world too. If we don't close the gate and stop them from returning, then the two working together could be a lot worse than any of us will ever realize."

"Will's right. We get Y/N and get the hell out of there. As soon as everyone, and I mean everyone, is out, then I will close the gate and we should be home free after that," Eleven said.

"How are we going to know where to find her?" Ben asked.

"W-W-We won't. We will j-j-just have to look a-a-around," Bill explained.

"We're going to split up again?" Eddie questioned, his voice a little high in fright.

"No," Bill shook his head. "W-W-We can't. It's easier to st-st-stop us if we aren't t-t-together, so we have to stay i-i-in one big group if w-w-we want to save Y/N." There was a silence before Bill asked, "Anymore qu-qu-questions?"

Richie sighed, "I'm sure I'll have some later, but I'm good for now."

Bill smiled ever so slightly before glancing at the others. They all remained silent and Bill nodded before picking up the crowbar he was going to use as a weapon.

"Let's g-g-go get, Y/N."

- - -

When Y/N came to, the first thing she noticed was that she was still alive. How that was possible? She had no idea, but she was alive and that was all that mattered.

The next she noticed was the incredible amount of pain coming from her head, a head throb so intense that she must have hit it before she was knocked unconscious.

Then she remembered everything that had happened leading up to her waking up in a strange place. Y/N had been talking to Eleven who had been able to communicate with her with her powers before a demogorgon had found the young girl and snatched her away. Everything had gone black after that before Y/N had woken up in the situation she was in.

Lastly she realized just where she was—her school cafeteria.

Not a very frightening place for the young girl, but the decay of it all was still enough to make her shudder. The only really weird part about the cafeteria was the fact that she had not been in there before she passed out. In fact, she had been near the quarry, so how she ended up in her school cafeteria without becoming a demogorgon's lunch was beyond her.

There didn't seem to be any demogorgons in sight and Pennywise was no where near by, so Y/N slowly got up from where she had woken up in the floor before she began to walk around, her eyes darting all around her as she carefully surveyed the area.

Ever since she got trapped in the Upside Down, It and the Mind Flayer had been toying with her, messing with her mind and her fear just for pure entertainment. Y/N wanted nothing more than for it to end.

Just then the door to the cafeteria burst open, the old doors swinging open so fast that they fell off once they hit the wall.

Y/N jumped in surprise before quickly turning to state at the doorway, freezing once she realized what was standing before her.

Her crush and best friend Bill Denbrough.

Y/N froze in her tracks at the sight of the boy before her bottom lip began to quiver. "Bill?" she whispered in disbelief, her eyes drinking in his appearance as he stood before her in the jacket she had recently started wearing.

Her eyes had filled with tears and her breathing was a little erratic as she shook her head in disbelief. She didn't even think twice before beginning to run towards the boy, wanting nothing more than for him to wrap his arms around her and help get her out of there.

However, to her surprise, Bill's eyes widened at the sight of her and he turned before bolting away.

This action caused Y/N to slow down a bit before she furrowed her eyebrows and ran faster to catch up with the boy. "Bill?" Y/N called out as she ran out of the school, only to see the boy running towards the woods nearby.

Y/N's heart leapt into her throat at the thought of the demogorgons or It getting to the boy, so she broke out into a sprint, too focused on making sure that he was safe to wonder why he was running away from her in the first place.

"Bill!" Y/N continued to yell, the confusion and worry evident in her voice as she followed him through the woods.

She didn't know why, but it seemed like he was running at an inhuman like speed. Every time he disappeared from view, the moment he was in her line of sight again, his distance from her had doubled.

She didn't stop yelling for the boy until they had reached the familiar cliff that led down to the quarry, Bill having stopped just before the edge, an observation that made her heart beat erratically as worry coursed through her whole body.

"Bill?" she whispered almost hesitantly, her head tilting slightly as she stared at the boy ahead of him. "What's wrong? Are you okay? How did you get down here? Where are the others?"

The questions were falling from her mouth so quickly that she knew Bill wasn't able to process it fast enough, but she was just so nervous and so relieved that he was here that she couldn't control her own mouth.

Only when Bill turned around suddenly to look at her did she fall silent, his honey brown eyes licking with hers making her mouth fall open slightly at just how mesmerizing the boy was. Then again, he always was. She had always been able to just stare into his eyes forever, a small thing she would do whenever the boy was rambling to her about one of his favorite things all while she just watched him with a small smile on her face.

However, something seemed to be off with the way he was staring back at her. It wasn't like normal and was enough to make her flinch slightly from how harsh and cold it looked. It was like he was disgusted by her, the very look making her heart drop and her whole body grow ten times colder.

"Bill?" she whispered again, but the boy merely snarled in response before turning away.

"I-I-I was running away f-f-from you for a reason. C-C-Can't you take a hint?" he asked harshly, the words shocking Y/N to the point where she stumbled back slightly.

"I'm sorry. What?" she questioned, her voice as small as she felt.

"You h-h-heard me," Bill replied emotionlessly.

"I don't understand," Y/N muttered as Bill began to walk towards her, the look in his eyes making her instinctively take a step back. "Why would you-?"

"R-R-Run from you? What? W-W-Were you expecting me t-t-to embrace you with open arms? D-D-Declare my undying love f-f-for you?" Bill asked, the last question making him laugh so hard that Y/N felt her heart break.

Y/N's eyes began to water and she swallowed thickly. "N-No. . .I just thought you were here to save me," she whispered, still confused about where this attitude towards her was coming from.

"W-W-What? You think I c-c-care about you enough to s-s-save you? That I maybe l-l-love you? I could n-n-never love you, Y/N. I mean, ha-ha-have you seen yourself? I'm b-b-better off with s-s-someone like Beverly th-th-than you.

"You. . .you don't mean that," Y/N whispered, her voice cracking slightly as she backed up, not realizing that Bill had circled her so that she now had her back to the cliff of the quarry and was beginning to walk towards the edge.

"I'm g-g-glad you're stuck down here. Ev-Ev-Everyone is actually. W-W-Why do you think it's t-t-taken so long for even m-m-me to show up down here?" Bill questioned, ignoring her previous words.

"If you're happy, then why are you here?" Y/N asked, a few tears escaping her eyes as she struggled to keep it together. Her body was shaking at this point and Bill seemed to notice from the cold and amused laugh he sent her way.

"Oh, Y/N, f-f-for one reason and one r-r-reason only," Bill replied, stopping short and causing Y/N to stop walking as well. She didn't seem to notice that she was on the edge of the cliff now, one more step meaning she would plunge over the side. Bill smirked at her, sending shivers down her spine.

"To m-m-make sure they finish the j-j-job."

Then, before Y/N could even process what was happening, Bill had reached out and shoved her, the action causing her to fall back and over the cliff.

It was like everything was happening in slow motion as she began to fall. Her hand flew out, desperately trying to reach Bill as she fell back. The air was filled with her scream as the stomach dropping feeling of falling hit her all at once.

And all she could see was Bill staring at her from the cliff, a smile on his face as he watched her fall into the murky water below.

Y/N hit the water with a loud splash, the force of it all knocking the breath from her lungs and causing her to gasp and inhale the disgusting water that surrounded her.

All she could see was black as she tried to claw her way out of the murky water. It took a minute but she finally broke the surface, a loud gasp escaping her lips as she wiped the goo from her face and coughed to expel the liquid from her lungs.

Laughter could be heard and the sound of Bill's laughter hit her so hard that she shook from fright and begin to cry. She didn't understand what was happening, but something like this had always been one of her biggest fears.

Bill leaving her was one of her biggest fears.

Y/N finally brought herself to look up at the cliff and she let out a gasp and fell back in the water a little once she saw that Bill had been replaced by Pennywise, the laughter in the air being nothing but a mockery of the laughter of the boy she cared about.

She wanted to be relieved that Bill hadn't been the one to do those things, but it was like the fear in her body only increased tenfold once she had realized it was Pennywise.

Y/N was crying harder now and she turned and quickly began to try and swim out of the water. However, she hadn't gotten far before the laughter suddenly stopped. Y/N froze and looked back over her shoulder to find that the cliff was now empty. Pennywise no where to be seen.

Y/N's breathing was erratic at this point as she frantically looked around her, but she froze instantly once she heard what sounded like a groan coming from the murky water. The girl slowly turned around, her eyes widening at the sight of a hand covered in decay and the goo of the water shooting out from the surface.

Another hand soon followed and before Y/N knew what was happening people were starting to break the surface of the water, their attention on her. Y/N let out a gasp once she realized they were all messed up versions of her friends, each of them looking like zombies as they groaned and began to swim near her.

Y/N let out a cry of horror before turning and swimming as fast as she could. She was almost to the shore when a hand grabbed onto her leg, nails as sharp as knives digging into her calf and making her cry out in pain.

Y/N looked behind her and screamed once she came face to face with a rotted version of Will, bugs crawling out from his mouth as he yelled at her. Another hand grabbed onto her arm before another one grabbed her other leg. In a matter of seconds, a rotted version of Will, Dustin, Ben, and Mike were trying to drag her under the water, their hands clawing at her and scratching her so bad that she began to bleed.

She was full on sobbing and screaming at this point and she desperately kicked and pulled away from the boys as she watched the other rotted versions of her friends swim closer to her. Somehow she managed to kick rotted Ben in the face, the action shoving the boy back into Dustin so that they both had to let go of her.

Y/N took the chance to yank her arm away from Mike and kicked Will in the stomach before she desperately turned and lunged for the shore. Hands tried to grab at her, but they did nothing more than scratch her before she pulled herself out of the water and away from their grasps.

Y/N scrambled onto her feet before breaking out into a sprint, ignoring the pain in her legs as blood trickled from her wounds. She managed to look back once to see It standing solely in the water before she turned back around and entered the woods once again.

The young girl didn't know where she was going as she ran, only ever thinking about how she had to get out of there while tears streamed down her face. She was just about to turn when a demogorgon jumped out from behind a tree, a scream escaping the girl's lips while the eerie sound of the demogorgon filled the air.

She turned to run the other way, but another demogorgon appeared, its face opening up like a flower like the other's as its whole body shook from the sound it produced.

Before Y/N knew it, she was surrounded by demogorgons, the creatures circling her so that she had no where to go.

Y/N had never felt as helpless as she did in that moment, the creatures in her nightmares stalking around her like she was their next meal, which maybe she was.

A helpless sob fell from the girl's mouth as she hugged her body. She shook her head and whispered, "Please, no. God, please, no."

As if hearing her words, the demogorgons suddenly stopped and stood straight up, doing nothing more than blocking her from escaping. This didn't change Y/N's demeanor at all and another sob shook her body.

But then Pennywise was walking out from behind the demogorgons and into the circle they had created, causing the girl to scream and take a step back. The demogorgon behind her didn't like this and growled so that Y/N jumped forward to the middle.

The interaction made Pennywise laugh and he hopped from foot to foot before he was suddenly right in front of the girl, his face inches from hers as his dirty nails dug into her face. His eyes flickered over her and he grinned before whispering, "Tasty, beautiful fear."

Y/N couldn't help but be afraid as she stood there, another soft cry falling from her lips as more tears escaped. "Why?" she managed to whisper. "Why me?"

"Cause you're important," Pennywise replied almost immediately. "You fall and so do the others."

"Please don't," Y/N whispered as she struggled against the clown's grasp. Her pleading cries doing nothing but make the clown smile more. "Please."

Pennywise grinned evilly, drool beginning to fall from his mouth as he stared at the girl. "Hungry," It merely said, the demogorgons making sounds that almost sounded like they were agreeing with the clown.

It's mouth opened slightly and Y/N quickly closed her eyes as a whimper left her lips. She had never felt so weak and helpless in her life, but it was like all of her courage had been sucked out of her after having seen Bill push her off a cliff and her rotted friends trying to drown her.

When death didn't come, Y/N opened her eyes and locked on It who was staring behind him blankly as if he was sensing something that she couldn't.

The clown frowned before looking back to Y/N in what looked like frustration. He took a finger and drug it down her face, his nail drawing blood and causing the girl to wince in pain.

"I'll save you for later."

Then, before Y/N could question what exactly he meant and what he was going to do with her, his mouth began to open up. Y/N's eyes widened and she desperately tugged against the clown's grasp until It put both of its hands around her neck to hold her in place.

It was going to fucking eat her. It was going to fucking eat her.

A light suddenly seemed to come from the clown's mouth and Y/N tried to look away, but It held her so that she was forced to look into its mouth. Y/N felt herself relax almost instantly at the sight before her, her body going limp although her mind was screaming at her to fight.

The last thing she saw was three bright balls of light before everything went black.

* * *

Tag List

@marvelismylifffe @witch-of-all-things-soft @nightbu-g @vickeystar @daniellajocelyn @alexthe80swhore @ren-ni @floralpiper @starshininginthedark @aimee-lucass @dwcljh @sycard @connor---murphy @tinycolorwhispers @sarai-ibn-la-ahad @izzyisavengersupernaturaltrash @theamandarenee @amberkay284 @gryffingirl @dejewskoo @artlovingbre @jacinta-lexianne @gabiatthedisco @littlemaeve @newhopenessie @pheonix-nin @captn-sprkl-fngrs @madelinelikesfics @mysteryartisticwriter @that-one-book-girl @spnsquirrel @galaxsea-707 @felicia-can-fly @whoops-im-gay-now @hollandcomics @lauren-theicecreamslinger @peterhollandd @princessserena23 @you-s-suckbowers @hitoshi-s-stupid-bitch @deviantly-gayy @pastel-rose-water @gothackedalready @fandoms-all-around-catiel @c00ln3rdz @fraeppuccino @80sthottie @hawkxyes @milk-n-cheese @mileven-reddie

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d-p-f-m · 5 years ago

Text

Take it easy |🥁|💕|📌|✔|

Seokjin x Reader |🥁|💕|📌|✔|

I love love love writing Seokjin prompts, so thanks again @btsfangirl1999 for requesting it!

Sorry for taking so long but I promise I'm working on everything as soon as I have time and inspiration!

Also thanks to my lovely beta for reading through this mess I call my writing. I'd be lost without you, girl❤🔥

Hope you enjoy!💞

Prompts:

A.) 94. Why the hell are you on the floor? + 95. I'm so tired, it hurts when I close my eyes

Word count: 5783

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The distant ringing in the back of your mind has you writhing underneath the comforting cover of your blanket. In a silent act of protest you instictively wrap the soft fabric tighter around your body, burying your face in your pillow in hopes of drowning out the annoying noise. Obviously though, the torture doesn't magically stop on its own.

About three more minutes in and you finally admit defeat. Groaning in dispair you rip the sheets off of you in one swift movement and slowly roll on your back to extend one arm in the general direction of where your phone is supposed to be.

Without actually being able to see what you're doing, it takes you a few seconds to locate it and press the power botton on its top to cut the alarm off for good. Sighing in content at the peaceful moment of silence you allow yourself to simply lie there a bit longer before you eventually sit up straight, so you won't be tempted to just fall asleep again.

Forcing yourself to pry your eyes open you blink against the blinding screen of your phone to check the time. There is still about twenty minutes left before you have to leave for university, thank God. With all the willpower you're able to muster you heave yourself out of bed and waddle through the corridor leading to your bathroom to proceed with your usual morning routine.

Examining your puffy face in the mirror while brushing your teeth you make an unsatisfied noise in the back of your throat and grimace at your reflection. You don't have time or motivation to conceal your sleep deprived expression with make-up and usually you don't care much about things like that anyways, but seeing the dark circles under your eyes you really wish you could just crawl back into bed and hide from your responsibilities until you're finally well rested for once.

Hearing your phone buzz on the side of the sink you look at the message that popped up on screen and sigh. With finals week coming up there is usually no space for personal life already and you knew it was a stupid idea the moment you agreed to help one of your friends to plan the project for one of their classes but you just didn't have it in you to tell them no. They'd do the same for you when you need them someday. ... right?

While rinsing your mouth you brush your hair absendmindetly and stare blankly at your reflection, thinking about your plans for the day. You'll need to meet up with your friend after classes and then you have to work the evening shift at the café before rereading your notes for the first exam coming up next Monday. You can do this. No problem. You've gone through worse things in your life.

Still, as you set aside your hairbrush and reluctantly make your way downstairs to the kitchen, you can feel how every muscle in your body protests with just the tiniest movement. Walking down the circular shaped staircase has somehow made you a bit dizzy and you have to take a moment to lean against the nearest wall for support when you feel a light headache spread from your neck upwards all the way to your forhead. Probably because you've pulled an all-nighter last night again.

Seokjin would definitely scold you if he found out, he always tells you to slow down when you get like this. Of course you never listen. Good thing you didn't actually see each other the last few days even though you live together, because you're both too busy with your own lives. The only time you would have the chance to talk to each other is either in the morning before heading out, or on rare occasions at lunch break when you don't meet up with anyone else.

It seems like you've missed your chance for today though because it's so silent around the house that you assume the acting major is already out and about again and even though you don't want to admit it, you're starting to really miss having him around all the time.

It's not common for two university students of the opposite gender to be roommates and you often have to endure judging stares or rude comments about your undefined relationship with your handsome friend.

You don't mind, though. If they're nice enough to ask you about what's going on between Seokjin and you, you'd gladly explain that you're just very close friends, for the time being at least, and if they prefer side-eyeing you from afar then you'd simply ignore them. It's not their business anyways.

Yawning, you turn on the coffee machine and then make your way to the fridge to search for something to eat that will hopefully get you through most of the day. To your surprise there's a box with food placed right in the middle for you to see, with a bright blue sticky-note attached to its lid and you instantly pray that it's what you think it is.

You take the box to read the note to make sure the contents are really meant for you and not reserved for your roommate since he's the only one who could have put it there and you don't want to risk getting into a fight over food with Seokjin of all people. You only tried to get away with stealing his food once and decided right after that it wasn't worth the eventual consequences ever again. You actually value your life, thank you very much.

One look at the note is enough to tell you that the food is in fact meant for you though. It's even your absolute favorite and at the thought of your roommates' skilled cooking, your mouth automatically starts watering. Maybe your day won't turn out to be as draining and horrible as you originally thought it would. Seokjin made apparently more on purpose so, and quote: 'your lazy ass doesn't starve before you pay me back for the last seven months of living at my apartment for free'. His choice of words makes you let out a huff in amusement.

When he had taken you in after you got kicked out of your old dorm in favor of someone else without any warning beforehand you both had come to a silent agreement that you wouldn't speak of how much you owed him, since you can't effort even half the rent to his apartment. It's clear to you that you'll pay him back as soon as you have the chance and Seokjin knows this too, even though he probably doesn't actually expect you to.

Silenty thanking him for his life saving food you pack it into your bag and then grab your phone to thank him via text as well so you won't forget. After hesitating for a short moment you also decide to ask him when he's going to be home today. If there's even the slightest chance you're going to be able to see him for dinner or at least a few hours of lazing on your couch just talking while watching some random movie, you're sure that it'll give you enough motivation to get through the day.

Seokjin immediately opens your message and you can't help but smile when you see that he's already typing a reply. He's always been like this. Always quick to answer your texts or calls, always down to go with every single one of your random ideas that tend to pop up in your head at the craziest of times, just... always there for you when you need him.

Being close friends for so long you know that's just who he is, of course. You know he's a good person and a really loyal friend but still, that little voice in your head keeps whispering that maybe, just maybe, he's so considerate because it's you. That it's not just your wishful thinking and he actually cares about you as much as you care about him. That he'd somehow realize how whipped you are for him and return your feelings instead of trying to let you down gently like he does with all the girls that confessed their crush on him in the last three or four years.

Shaking your head to get rid of your cheesy thoughts you stumble back to the coffee machine to get your mug while still squinting at your phone screen where Seokjin's message just popped up. As expected he's pretty busy today as well and he doesn't know how late it's going to get until he gets home. He tells you not to wait up for him with dinner if it starts getting too late but that he'll try his best to make it on time.

Sighing you brush your hand through your hair before finishing your coffee and putting your mug down on the kitchen counter to clean it later. It wasn't a 'no'. So it could happen, ... right? You decide it's not going to be of any good to think about it too much and instead make your way back upstairs to change into some proper clothes. It's almost time for you to leave for university anyway. You try to think positive and tie your hair into a ponytail before putting on your shoes.

You'll just have to survive the next 11 hours, then you'll finally be able to rest. And maybe you'll even see Seokjin again and have dinner with him tonight. So with this promising thought in mind you eventually step out the door of your apartment to get on with your day.

Stepping inside your own four walls you almost start crying in relief when you're finally able to get out of your shoes. You're burned out. The only thing on your mind right now is to sleep for at least 12 hours straight before even thinking of anything else. Unfortunatly though, you still got a few things on your to-do list for today, so you'll have to settle for a quick power nap.

Shrugging out of your jacket you just drop it on your way to the couch, not caring about anything else other than your well deserved rest. You grab the remote and turn on the TV with low volume to let the background noises lull you to sleep and then drop yourself backwards on the couch. Or that's what you thought.

Having misjudged the distance between you and the soft cushions you only scratch their surface before your fall continues and you land on the hard floor with a loud thud. The impact has you holding your breath in shock and while your mind is trying to catch up with your body you instinctively reach up to hold your head in your hands a few moments before the pain even kicks in.

You let out a pathetic groan and slowly roll over to lie on your back, swinging one arm over your face without moving a second time, too tired to try and get up again. It's what you deserve for not being more aware of your stupid surroundings anyway. And the ground's not even that bad, you tell yourself. There can't go anything else wrong if you don't move, right?

Allowing your heavy eyelids to finally rest for a while you stretch your legs out completely in an attempt to get more comfortable and huff, a little disappointed, because it's not working. The noise of the show that plays on TV is actually stressing you out more than helping you relax so you just press the power button on the remote that's still in your hand since you fell down to turn it back off before you finally admit defeat and just wait for sleep to take over.

That's how Seokjin finds you.

You don't know how much time has passed since you first slipped and fell to the ground just to stay there without moving a muscle when suddenly the front door to your apartment opens, accompanied by the very familiar jingle of keys and a heavy sigh sounding almost as tired as you're feeling.

The urge to stand up and greet your roommate comes up for a moment but the second you try to even so much as shift a bit your headache gets worse and a scorching pain shoots through your neck causing you to let out an almost inaudible groan in defeat.

You pray to every entity your brain comes up with that Seokjin won't find you like this, that he'll just grab a snack from the kitchen and then go upstairs to his room to study or whatever. But of course, like most of the time when it comes to Seokjin, it doesn't go the way you want it to. 'Hey y/n, you there? I'm home!' You can't help but cringe at the loud noise coming all the way from the other side of the room.

It's not because of his voice, you love his voice and on any other day hearing him say your name with so much hope and anticipation coloring his words would have caused your heart to go into a frenzy. Right now, however, you just want him to go away and leave you there to suffer alone until you're feeling better.

As much as you want to call out and tell him where you are, you can't bring yourself to actually answer him. The incredible pain in your neck and the merciless pounding of your head aside, the potential humiliation of him seeing you like this, completely vulnerable and pathetic has you biting your lip as if that would help you to make as little sound as possible.

There's a moment of heavy silence in the room before you can hear him let out a disappointed sigh, probably because he's assuming you aren't there and you immediately feel bad. It's the only choice you have to protect your dignity though, so there's no way around it. You decide you'll make it up to him with breakfast tomorrow instead.

His footsteps seem to lead him in the direction of the kitchen, away from you and you're starting to relax a bit but then he suddenly stops, presumably in the middle of the room. It's silent again and you furrow your eyebrows in confusion. Your brain is trying to come up with an explanation for what could have made him pause like that and when you hear the shuffling of clothes it suddenly clicks. Your damn jacket.

You dropped it on the ground on your way to the couch. Cursing yourself you press your arm tighter over your closed eyes and bite the inside of your cheek while anxiously waiting for Seokjin to move again. After a few seconds the rustling of clothes picks up again and your instincts scream at you to curl into a ball so he won't be able to find you.

You can pinpoint the exact moment he sees you by his surprised gasp of horror coming from almost right beside you and you can't help but to click your tongue in defeat. 'Y/N?! Oh my fu- ... y/n, are you alright?!' He's by your side in an instant, kneeling at your feet and touching one of your legs oh so delicately to check for any signs that you're alive and well.

Even in your hazy state you're still able to appriciate how careful he's being with touching you. 'Shh... shut up, Seokjin.' Hearing your raspy voice he pauses his attempts to softly shake you awake and even though you don't open your eyes to look at him you know he's probably staring at your covered face like a confused puppy.

'You're alive?! Why the fuck- Do you think it's funny scaring me to death?!' Groaning at the volume of his voice you move one of your legs to kick against his knee softly. 'Unfortunatly, yes. But could you please be quiet, my head hurts like crazy.' Amused by his overly dramatic reaction your voice automaticly takes on a softer tone to show him you're fine and it's then that he finally relaxes a bit.

You can feel his hold on your thigh become weaker and you immediately miss the warmth of his touch when he shifts to get a better look at you. 'Well... I mean I've been told my looks are able to bring girls to their knees and while I'm aware of how easy it is to fall for my handsome face, I'm pretty sure I'm not the reason why you're wiping the floor with your shirt. So why the hell are you on the floor?'

It's kinda funny how he's trying to lighten the mood without even knowing what's going on, you think. His voice is barely above a whisper though and you let out a soft hum to let him know you're going to answer in your own time. He still hasn't moved and you're wondering if he just doesn't know what to do in this situation.

Sighing, you move your arm from your face and reach out to search for him. Once you can feel the rough fabric of his jeans under your fingertips, you pat his thigh reassuringly while thinking of what to say next. 'Mhm... it's nothing, really. I just thought it'd be nice to get to know my surroundings better. You know? Bond with the floor, so it doesn't get lonely. Turns out it's really nice to talk to. Found my standards here so I didn't feel like getting up again.'

The amused snort he gives you as an answer is enough to get a content smile out of you as well. You give his thigh another friendly pat and subconsiously lick your dry lips. Something to drink would be nice. You make a mental note to go to the kitchen the moment your body is ready to function again. 'Give me a few minutes, yeah? You can go upstairs and I'll be there in a bit. Honestly, I'm so tired, it hurts when I close my eyes.'

There's silence for a while, like your roommate is contemplating what to answer and if it wouldn't be for your hand still touching his leg, you couldn't even be sure if he's with you anymore.

Suddenly, you feel him shift away from you and your heart squeezes in your chest at the thought of him actually leaving you here to go upstairs. There's still no way you'll open your eyes to confirm your suspicions though. The throbbing right behind your temples got worse while you were talking and you won't take the risk of provoking a full-on migrane just because your stupid feelings tell you it's absolutely necessary to look at your etheral being of a roommate right now.

You don't know what you were expecting at this point but the sudden noise right beside your ear was definitely not it. Feeling your head being lifted carefully you make a confused sound in the back of your throat but before you can actually react, it's already over and you're lying on something far more comfortable than the cold linoleum of the floor.

'You're an idiot. You know that, right?' Seokjin's voice is just a hushed whisper against your ear and you can feel him wrap his arm around your waist when you try to get up on instinct. 'Wha-' You don't really know how to react to his sudden proximity but as you open your mouth to respond he just pulls you closer until your cheek is pressed against his shoulder and hums quietly to effectively shut you up.

'You could have just said you weren't feeling well. There's nothing wrong with taking a break when you feel like you can't keep up anymore, you know?' His words make you let out a resigned huff. He always says that. And he's right, of course. Theoretically. But thinking back to the pile of notes on your desk you've still got to rehearse to be able to pass the exams next week, you can't help but disagree with him.

Seokjin seems to know what you're thinking because he sighs in an almost frustrated way, like a parent trying to reason with his stubborn toddler and leans his forehead softly against the top of your head, burying his face in your hair while stroking your back with his free hand as if trying to soothe you. He has you pretty much caged in his arms and even if you wanted to, there'd be no way to get up now. You're not complaining though. It does soothe you.

It feels nice to have him hold you like this. Like he actually wants to be here, with you. Like he wants to protect you from anything that's trying to harm you in any way. Like... you mean more to him than he says out loud. From time to time, the fingers caressing your back find their way up to absentmindedly play with strands of your hair and you can't stop your heart from jumping a bit when you feel him subtly shift closer.

You're so close you can hear Seokjin's heartbeat and while the steady rhythm calms you, it's still kinda strange. It's not like you never cuddled before. The actor's a pretty affectionate person and so it's actually common for you to be constantly hugged or held in his arms or pulled into his lap when you two hang around each other. Still, there's something about the way he's holding you right now. It's so loving and gentle, as if he's scared he'd hurt you if he isn't careful enough. You've never felt so at ease before.

Seokjin suddenly stops playing with your hair and after another moment of silence lets out a small huff. 'Don't think I didn't notice that you weren't feeling well for a while now. Still... I didn't exactly stop you from letting it get worse, so I guess I'm a bit at fault as well. I should have known you'd strain yourself... you really are an idiot.'

The tone of his voice is a mix between cockiness and genuine worry, so instead of complaining about him calling you an idiot you just grumble into his chest and murmur something that's supposed to sound like an apology. A small laugh escapes his lips at your childish behavior. 'What was that, princess? I couldn't hear you.' He gives your shoulder a soft push to get you to lean back and look at him and not able to resist any longer you comply.

You carefully blink open your tired eyes and when they finally adjust to your surroundings you see Seokjin smiling down at you so fondly your breath hitches. The words you wanted to say won't come out and you clear your sore throat when you see him raise an eyebrow in question. He casually licks his slightly opened lips and you can feel the blush creeping up your face when you realize your eyes followed the movement without your consent.

You're pretty sure he saw you staring for a second and not being able to look into his eyes after that, you press yourself up against him and wrap one of your arms around his waist as well to cuddle into him more. 'I missed you,' you whisper instead. The words come out of your mouth before you can stop them and they're so muffled through the fabric of his shirt that you hope he couldn't understand you.

It's kind of embarrassing how needy your voice sounded just now and when he tenses against you, you immediately regret saying it, scared he'll take it as a joke and laugh at you for being dramatic or worse, understand what the real meaning behind it is and reject you for good. But instead of teasing you like you expected he just hugs you closer to him and lets out a sigh. 'I missed you too, y/n.'

Maybe it's because you're feeling so tired and vulnerable or maybe it's the tender way he just answered you in but hearing him say it back has a wave of pend up emotions suddenly crashing down on you all at once. Your eyes well up with tears and before you know it you're sobbing into his chest, gripping onto his shirt like a lifeline. 'N-no, you don't get it. I missed you, I always miss you and it's so stupid because I know I shouldn't but I can't help it. I'm stupid, so stupid.'

You don't care if you're crossing the invisible line you had drawn from the moment you started living with him right now. You're tired and cold and you can't think straight with that fucking headache drumming against your skull. All you can think of is how warm Seokjin is and how good it feels when he tightens his arms around you in an attempt to calm you down.

Not really knowing what else to do Seokjin slowly sits up and pulls you into his lap. You bury your face in his neck and clasp at his shoulders while he hums a low tune and rocks you from side to side, one of his arms securely wrapped around your waist to hold you in place. 'Shh... it's fine, you're fine.' For the past eight years you've know him, Seokjin always tried to avoid emotional confrontations by cracking a joke or playing dumb but right now he seems completely serious and you're thankful that he's not withdrawing himself from you even though seeing you like this probably makes him uncomfortable.

Somewhere in the back of your mind you know how dramatic you're being and usually you'd be embarrassed to let him see you like this, but the way he's cradling you in his embrace like you're something precious to him has you melting against his chest without a second thought. You're allowed to be weak sometimes too. Seokjin is always here to remind you of that and it makes you love him even more. So maybe, just maybe, you can allow yourself to show him what's really on your mind from time to time.

Your roommate hushes you for a while until you're not crying anymore and as soon as he's sure you've calmed down he turns you in his arms so he's able to stand up. 'Come on, let's get you in bed. The floor's going to make me get sick and if my handsome face gets all puffy because of you, you're going to pay.' The comment makes you snort in amusement and glancing at him from out of the corner of your eyes you see him smiling at your reaction. Would it be too much to tell him that his puffy face looks extremely cute? Probably. Better not take a chance after what happened just now.

He carries you up the stairs as if your body weighs nothing. The actor isn't even the slightest bit out of breath when you arrive in front of your room and you're reminded of how build he actually his, despite him joking about becoming fat all the time. You silently study his face while he lets you down on your bed carefully. His eyebrows are furrowed in thought and he's looking down at the mattress instead of at you.

You can't really tell if it's out of respect for you or because he can't bring himself to look at your miserable state, and you actually don't want to know if you're being honest. Sighing in bliss at the feeling of your soft covers being pulled over you, you snuggle deeper into the fabric and look up at your friend through heavy eyelids to see him give you a warm smile. 'I'll be right back, don't fall asleep on me already, hm?'

You let out a quiet hum in agreement and watch him leave your room to go somewhere downstairs. His absence gives you time to think about what happened in the last few minutes and your heart squeezes painfully when you remember what exactly you told him while you had your little outburst. Is that why he was so stiff and quiet just now?

Does he understand your feelings towards him and needs time to think about a way to reject you without making things awkward? Fuck. You really don't know if you're ready to hear him say it. Suddenly you can hear his footsteps coming back up the stairs and on instinct you close your eyes to pretend you're asleep. He can reject you all he wants tomorrow when you're emotionally stable enough. Right now you just want to fall asleep and pretend today never happened.

Your roommate comes to a stop beside your head and just stands there for a moment, probably looking at you. After a few seconds the mattress sinks down at the level of your waist and your breath hitches when you realize he's now sitting on your bed, softly brushing your hair from your forhead. 'I know you're awake. Nobody blushes in their sleep, not even because of me. Now open your eyes and let me feed you, so I know you're not going to die in your sleep.'

Clicking your tongue in annoyence you comply to his order and blink your eyes open. He's holding a glass of water out to you and you let out a short hum to thank him, eagerly accepting it while you sit up and lean against the headboard of your bed. You empty it in one go and hand the glass back to Seokjin for him to place it on your nightstand. He offers you a slice of an apple but when you try to take it from him, he lightly presses it to your lips instead, the look in his eyes daring you to refuse him to feed you.

Your face starts burning again but you know he won't take no for an answer so you just open your lips and let him slip the slice into your mouth without complaint. Seokjin makes a content noise in the back of his throat at your obedience and pats your knee over the covers with his unoccupied hand to reward you.

'You want some more?' Shaking your head at his question you lie back down and pull your blanket up to your chin before he can press another slice to your lips. 'Wanna sleep, 'm sorry,' you manage to croak out and thankfully he relents right away. 'The plate's right here if you change your mind. I'll be in my room if you need anything, yeah?'

He makes an effort to stand up and leave but you immediately shake your head and grasp the sleeve of his shirt to stop him before he can get away. 'Stay, please? I could use your cuddles right now.' Your roommate blinks at you a few times as if unsure of how to react but when you silently lift your blanket in invitation, he finally gives in and gets under the covers next to you with a small sigh.

Pressing your body against his you shift two or three times and then yawn happily once you're comfortable. Neither of you talks for a long time, Seokjin just lets you lie with your head hiding in the crook of his neck and affectionately brushes through your hair to help you fall asleep.

You're just about to let his breathing lull you to sleep when he suddenly smiles against you as if he remembered something and whispers in an amused but husky voice. 'Your actual confession is going to be a bit more romantic, right? I'm thinking something like a restaurant or a movie night with take out and lots of cuddles to set the mood.'

Tensing up a bit at the sudden question you slowly pull away to look at him with your eyes already bleary from how tired you are. 'Who said I liked you?' Seokjin grins cockily at your terrible attempt to play dumb and the mischievous glint in his eyes tells you that whatever happens next, everything is going to be just fine.

'Oh please, it's so obvious you're whipped for me. I mean, who wouldn't be? It's me we're talking about.' You roll your eyes at him and grin back but you can't come up with a sly response right away since what he says is one hundred percent the truth, so you settle for not answering at all until you know what he's getting at for sure.

Seokjin looks into your eyes for a moment longer, the content smile still prominent on his face. Then he's shifting forward until his nose brushes against yours and a shiver runs down your spine when you feel his breath on your lips. 'So how about that dinner? I think I deserve something fancy for our first date. It's what first comes to mind every time I think about how to ask you out, you know?'

By now your heart is already threatening to jump out of your chest from how wildly it thumps against your ribs. He already thought about asking you out? More than once? So he actually likes you too and it's not just your hopeful mind playing tricks on you?

When you think you're finally able to form a coherent sentence and tell him you'd gladly go out with him, Seokjin suddenly closes the remaining distance between you both to press a loving kiss to your slightly opened lips. Gasping in surprise against his pillow like lips you don't even get the chance to return the kiss before he's already leaning away from you again.

He's smirking at your dreamy expression and wraps his free arm around your waist to pull you as close to his side as physically possible before speaking up again. 'Movie night would be fine by me too, though. Tell me tomorrow, yeah? You gaping at me like a deer caught in the headlights made me kinda sleepy and you need your beauty sleep. Let's get comfy, hm?' Wow, the nerve of this guy. As if you'd be able to get any sleep now.

'You're an idiot,' you say amused and cuddle into him further to get comfortable again. He pulls a funny face in response and sticks his tongue out to you before he chuckles. 'That's my line, idiot.'

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42 notes · View notes

choisgirls · 8 years ago

Note

Boi, hi, I've been waiting for this. Could I request the RFA boys (+ V & Searan)'s reactions to finding out MC is a Victoria's Secret model and finding out by MC dragging them to a show before disappearing leaving them sitting alone for awhile before they walk out and yeah (I'm so sorry this is so long and I totally get if you don't want to write this. Have a great day!)

A/N: b o i you sentthis in literally *right* after I opened requests and I giGGLED SO HARD AT YOURENTHUSIASM it really made my day, so i hope you like this ~Admin 404

ALSO Y'ALL, IT’S YA GIRLS BIRTHDAY TODAY (june 20) SO IF YA NEED ME I PROBABLY WON’T BE BACK UNTIL LATER TODAY,HAVE FUN, BEHAVE, I LOVE YOU

*YOOSUNG:

-He was already red as hell andnervously sweating when you just mentioned taking him to the show

-“Isn’t Victoria Secretthat one… you know… sexy clothing store?”

- yes, yes it is

-The whole way there, he’smuttering to himself

-Honestly trying to hold backtears because he feels so awkward

-Wants to look at you and onlyyou!! He doesn’t want you to feel bad about him looking at other partiallynaked women

- WHAT IF HE GETS A BONER MCHE CANT HELP IT AND IT’LL BE PUBLIC WHY IN THE WORLD DID YOU BRING HIM HERE

-Holds onto your wrist when youtry to leave him there alone and you have to drag him a little bit beforetelling him that he’d be fine and you’d be back in just a little bit

-He tries to fold himself up asmuch as possible to hide himself from the people giving him weird looks

- it didn’t help

-When the show started, a smallshriek rose up from the back of his throat and he covered his eyes with hishands, though he peeked through his fingers because his curiosity got the bestof him

-But the first person he saw wasyou? And you were in some absolutely gorgeous,lacey, and very short nightgowns? Where are your pants? Are you in jUSTUNDERWEAR? ARE THOSE WINGS??

-The poor boy has a full blownnose bleed. His face is as red as Saeyoung’s hair. He’s stuttering andmuttering to himself because he has absolutely no (comprehensive) words

-He struggles to look you in theeye after the show! Kept trying for a solid hour to compliment you but thewords kept getting stuck on his tongue.

-That night he held you cautiously,but still close enough to feel his heart race

-Like, wow, he’s dating a mODEL!He knew you were beautiful inside and out but it’s just amAZING! He would havenever expected it

*ZEN:

-“Why are we going to afashion show?”

-“I’m beautiful, I shouldbe one of the models!”

- thanks for being modest zen

-You didn’t tell him what kindof fashion show, but he agreed to go anyway

-Famous people are always seenat these things, he feels like he fits in!

-He was so ready to complimentthe hell out of you to make sure you know he’s got all eyes for you

-But when he turned back to you,you were gone?

-P A N I C

-Before he could look around foryou though, the show started

-And the people behind him weregrumbling about him being in their way so he sat down and silently hoped thatmaybe you just excused yourself to the restroom

-But as the show started, hewatched as multiple models walked out in different sorts of lingerie

-He felt so AWKWARD! He justwanted you to come back so he could focus on you instead of these other wome-

-There was one model thatcaptured his eye and he thought she was just absolutely breathtaking. Just bythe curve of your face, let alone your hips, he knew it was you

-He couldn’t help himself, hecheered for you like it was a football game people had to pull him down tohis seat

-He practically lifted you intothe air and spun you around afterwards, showering you in more compliments thanusual (which is a lot). Reminded you constantly throughout the rest of thenight how proud he was of you!

-Also had to use all of hiswillpower to fight the inner beast the rest of the night

*JAEHEE:

-She’s always wanted to attendfashion shows, but has always been way too busy

-Not to mention she didn’t evenget to go to any for work reasons damn jumin

-So she was extremely excited tohear that you were going to bring her to one!

-She likes any and allinformation about where the two of you go so she was very shaken by the factthat you wouldn’t tell her what kind of show this was

-What if it was a super fancyfashion show and she wasn’t presentable? What if it was super casual and she’stoo dressed up? WHAT IF IT WAS SECRETLY A STRIP CLUB AND YOU DIDN’T TELL HER

-She was trying to get you togive her hints about what kind of show this was

-Actually got frustrated whenyou didn’t give her any sort of hint

- acts like a child andpouts, completely ignoring you

-Simply nods her head inacknowledgement when you excuse yourself

-The music started to play notlong after that and she started to get really giggly and excited! But there wasno sign of you?

-She figured she would justrecord the show until you made it back, so you could watch it later on when youwere home!

-The moment she got her phoneready, she hit record and looked down at the lit up screen

-But when she did look, all shesaw was you? Walking down the catwalk? In some very revealing lingerie?

-Had to do a double-take fromthe screen and up at the stage to make sure it was truly you

-And holy shit??? Like, you gogirl?? 10/10 she was so excited to see you up there, strutting your stuff!

-Any outfit you had modeled, sheplanned on buying matching outfits for the two of you as soon as possible

*JUMIN:

-He’s tried to avoid any type ofshow at all costs

-It’s just not his type ofscene, you know?

-Watching all these women strutaround in ridiculous outfits, acting high and mighty, wanting nothing butattention (so he thought)

-He just wanted to take this dayoff, sit at home with his precious girls (you and Elizabeth, obviously), andrelax

-Instead, you had begged him tocome to this show, which you wouldn’t even tell him the theme of

-And of course he agreed, you’rehis beloved and he wanted to do anything he could to make you happy

-If that meant he had to watchthis agonizing show, then he would

- he only wished he couldhave his wine as well

- honestly thought aboutsneaking in a flask because he hated these things that much

-Whined like a child when youtold him to stay put because you’d be right back

-“But MC! I dislike thesethings, you can’t truly expect me to stay here alone, can you?”

-You left anyway, and found yourway to the stage, only to walk out and see Mr. Trustfund Kid’s jaw clench- hiswhole body moving forward to the edge of his seat, a hand covering his mouthand his eyebrows knitted together

-He was pleasantly surprised tosee you walk out in some gorgeous lingerie

-But he was also immediatelyjealous of every other pair of eyes that set on you and your body

-He swore to himself that you’llknow for sure that you’re his and only his later that night

-Not to mention that every setof lingerie featured in the show would soon be in your closet for a private,up-close showing for him and only him

*SAEYOUNG:

-He doesn’t get out much

-But if you wanna go somewhere,then he! Is! Going! Somewhere!

-Whatever you want to do, hewill do it for you!

-You want to go to some sort offashion show?

-He probably won’t enjoy it,since it’s not really something he’s into, but he will still go with you tomake you happy

-Every fashion show he’s everseen had such ridiculous outfits

-He’s hoping they’re just asterrible this time so he has something to make jokes about and keep himselfentertained

-Lowkey threw a hissy fit whenyou told him you were leaving for a little bit

-He was there for you! You can’tleave

-“Fine if you won’t sit andstay then I’ll make fun of the outfits by myself”

-When the music started he satforward, completely ready to slaughter the first outfit with insults

-Except it was really cute. Andsexy. And oN YOU.

-He literally fell out of hischair onto the floor, people had to help him get back up

-Not before he turned as red ashis hair, though

-From then on, every time youcame on stage, he would whoop and howl, causing you to almost lose your cool acouple of times

- ends up surprising youweeks later wearing that same lingerie for you, wink wonk

*V:

-He’s been to many shows

-Well okay he’s photographedmany shows

-Never sat and enjoyed onehimself

-But completely willing to gowith you! He enjoys the art of the fashion

-Doesn’t even matter what kindof show, he is 500% ready and willing to go

-Of course he has his cameratoo, but not to take pictures of the models!

-He wanted to take pictures ofyour reactions, how the bright lights shine on your face, how you can see thepassion in your eyes

-HE WAS SO EXCITED, AAAAAA

-When the music started he wasworried about you missing the show

-He didn’t want to photographthe sadness in your eyes!

-But he looked up at the stageto see you, walking out from behind the curtain with upmost confidence

-Shining bright, dripping insexiness, and giving off a “I’m a badass” vibe

-And he. was. lOVING IT.

-It made him so nervous to seehis precious angel like that but he knew he couldn’t miss the opportunity

-So every time you came out inany outfit, he was sure to take the most amazing photos of you, in an attemptto capture how much love he has for you in each one

- wants a private photoshootbehind the scenes afterwards, wink wonk

*SAERAN:

-You thought Saeyoung hatinggetting out of the house?

-We all know Saeran is 10 timesworse

-You are physically dragging himto this show because he’s so against it

-“Why the fuck would I wantto watch people parading around the stage in stupid outfits”

-Because?? Just go with meanyway??

-He’s holding onto your arm,letting his feet drag against the floor when you try to leave him in the crowdalone

-“Saeran I need to go dosomething!” “Oh no, you are NOT leaving me alone with ALL THESEPEOPLE”

-You did leave him alone though,and he is LIVID.

-He planned on not talking toyou for the remainder of the night because of it. Maybe he’d keep up the silenttreatment until tomorrow. Who knows?

-The loud music started to playand he already hated everything about this

-He watched as a few womenwalked out on stage, each in a progressively more revealing outfit

-Until his arms unfolded when hesaw you in this sexy bra and panties set

-Matching them to the largewings hanging behind you

-Immediately snapping photos onhis phone for later blackmail

- and also using them asresearch references to get those outfits for later

- practically pounces youbehind the stage, attacking your whole body in kisses

Masterlist

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bladekeeper · 7 years ago

Text

Don't Overthink It

The steady afternoon was followed up by an eclipsing nightfall, courtesy of the Exodus blocking a majority of the sunlight on Echelon. Rather perfect for an evening downtown, especially for the Raths.

Straight out of the Warmaster office, the two would breathe in the last fumes of daylight on their tidally locked planet, watching Solus progressively disappear behind the massive ship in orbit.

There were a few joints that the two preferred, low profile and rather low on the wallet as well. One of these was Chom-Nom Sucshi, family-owned by a vigorous pair of Helicians that cooked fish just as passionately as their natural rage. “How many crab puffs?” Teu pipes up from behind his menu, eyeballing Rey hard as he jots down the number of puffs he wanted. “Twenty-five?”

Rey doesn’t look up from the paper, his chickenscratch writing barely legible from where the Rath adjacent sat. “Get your eyes checked,” he mumbles, clicking the pen and pushing the paper forwards with his order. Teu squints. Four.

“You know they might mistake that again,” Teu murmurs, looking back down at his menu. “Our writing resembles Thrall graffiti behind the restaurant.”

Rey huffs and there’s a rather frustrated click from his pen again as he scribbles the number out aggressively, leaving a whirlwind of ink where a pitiful 4 used to be. “Fine, let’s try again.” He doesn’t sound particularly fond of having to retry, but he does remember the waiters bringing them a whopping 25 puffs more than they had wanted. Sure, the two love them, but... Not that many.

Moments later and the two were more than ready, orders taken by the passing waitress and leaving the two alone to banter during the awful wait. Talks of the most vile commanders and snobby noblemen and women were the end highlights of every Warmaster workday, and there was no shortage of bullcrap happening when it came to Jennerit politics.

Mid-tangent, however, Teu spots the same waitress tip-toe on over, humming a low tune on her breath as she sets down multiple plates onto their table.

One of which was rather large.

Rey stopped short, breath caught in his throat and hands in the middle of a passionate gesture of speech, eyes downwards.

Thirty crab puffs, all laid nicely strewn about a paper surface in a woven basket.

This menace was an all-time high. Notably, Rey’s face reddens, but before he could object to the one who brought their excess food, the short Helician was gone. The fury behind the pivot in his chair was enough to make the whole booth catch aflame.

Teu’s jaw was ajar with awe. The corners of the swordsman’s mouth threatened to curl, taking all of his willpower to not burst out in loud laughter.

“Shut up! Just! Shh!” Rey barks anyhow, pushing the basket forwards with a couple of the pastries flying out at his partner.

Teu wheezes. “But I have not said anything--!” A snort leaves him and he picks up a puff, stuffing his mouth quickly before his laughter would escape. His ears were aflutter with amusement, though, so that was a good enough giveaway.

“I can see it on your face! Just-- Don’t look at me!” Flustered, the long-haired of the two crosses his arms and sharply turns his head away, huffy and red.

Teu seems to chew a little faster as his mouth betrays him, curling up in a smug smirk that seems to make Rey shake. There goes the chuckling fit, a snortle replacing his bellows as he continues to eat--albeit lacking elegance.

“Our writing is crap, dear, and it won’t ever not be,” Teu concludes after he swallows his bite, a toothy grin spreading from ear to ear. Rey straight up grabs a puff between two chunky fingers and chucks it full force at his lover, the mark being his right cheekbone. Teu gurgles and blows a raspberry as he fumbles with the tasty projectile, catching it and shoving it into his mouth with more laughter.

“What are we supposed to do with these!?” Rey furiously remarks, knowing how much the restaurant staff charged for leaving so much food behind. His hand gestures slowly become more violent and rammy.

Teu shrugs. “Get creative,” he muffles through his mouthful, laying back in his seat and letting his feet sit on the booth across from him, beside Rey.

The other Rath growls, looking over his shoulder at the other tables.

“Sure, creative, what are we to do, carus? Simply dispose of them elsewhere?”

Teu doesn’t respond for a moment. Something perked up in his head, his gaze growing more squinty and distant with the lingering thought..

“Verod?”

Teu piques, ears up and alert at his name. Without another word, he grins, his hands snaking over to scoop another couple of puffs up. He straightens in his seat, looking around them before-- without warning-- tossing them behind their booth.

Rey’s eyes widened.

“CARUS,” he hisses in caution, hunching over at his lover’s action. Teu giggles gently and takes a couple more puffs, leaning over the table as he scoped his next target.

A couple was just getting out of their seat to get more food. Steady...

Rey didn’t even move to stop him. Too baffled, he watched hopelessly as more pastries flew from their booth, Teu’s aim exquisite as they both land 3 booths away.

One landed in the lady’s drink.

Rey covers his mouth with a gasp, other hand smacking down Teu’s wrist and pinning it to the table.

“You can’t be-- serious--!!”

“Oh, but I am,” the other coos, sticking out his long, forked tongue before using his other hand to fling more puffs, this time to the booth in front of them. Rathrey let forth a honk of warning before peering over the wall, seeing that no one was occupying it.

Thankfully.

“By damned, you need to cut it out,” he grumbles, though he doesn’t sound overly angry about this. Teu thinks he was slowly starting to accept it.

“Oh, fine,” he pouts, but gives him a wink, plucking his chopsticks from his plate and pretending to eat some of the other articles brought to their table.

Rey glares with annoyance, but with an inner amusement.

The night trembles on with sweet and sour foods filling the Raths’ gullets, soft conversation and silence filling their experience with ambience and full bellies. As the waitress walks by for one of the last times tonight, the Raths wave her down, obliviously asking for the bill.

What still sat on their table was a bad omen.

As the waitress nods and walks away, Teu smiles at Rey absentmindedly, satisfied from a good and filling meal. His hand trails across the table, looking to meet his lover’s, but hits the one thing they forgot about.

He freezes.

There were still at least 20 crab puffs sitting menacingly in the basket.

Both swordsmen silently glared at it. The lady was coming back with their bill, and they’ve still got plenty of food left to boot. They were going to be charged a whole extra dinner at this point.

Rey’s nose twitches, eyes intense crimson and ripping their gaze up to Teu.

“Well?! Don’t just-- don’t just sit there!” He quips, both large hands reaching forwards into the crab puff abyss and grabbing a huge handful. “Get them out of here!” Pastries flew in a fluffy seafood firework above their table, an air-strike of deliciousness bombing everyone’s nearby tables. Confused sounds of disgruntlement fill the establishment as Teu joins in on the desperate purge of the food, shoving some into his mouth as he whips the extras at nearby vacant booths.

Their pairs of hands both cease immediately when they hear the clacking of the waitress’ heels approach, both strategically putting on their resting poker faces. A benefit to having a naturally grumpy and neutral look.

One crab puff remained in the basket.

The Helician leaned over in curiosity, her hand full of credits from Teu’s wallet. The two frighteningly look down at the final puff, lump in their throats.

“Can I have this?” She chimes, an innocent smile on her face. Simultaneously, the one-tonne weight on the Raths’ chests flatten and disappear, the both of them exhaling their relief silently.

“--Sure, go ahead,” Rey ushers her, pushing the basket forwards. The gal plucks the pastry up with two fingers, plopping it into her mouth.

“Thank you, darlings. Hope you enjoyed your night here. Have a good one.”

Without another word, she pivots, and the clack of her heels slowly dissipates among the ambient of the place.

Teu slowly looks over at Rey, who seemed to hang a stare with him for a surreal moment or so. Their mission accomplished, they both stand up rather quickly, their feet taking them faster than their heads could process what they had both done this evening.

Nobody had to know.

#based on the prompt 'never finding out']]#bbfanficjam #inspired by IRL events that we got 25 crab puffs one time for no reason]#and didnt know what to do with them]#leaddywrites #drabbles #long post #dreadwind #;6 swords

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leislart · 8 years ago

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Why I don't care about "crushing it"

I have serious problems with the “crush it” mentality that seems so prevalent nowadays in self-help and business dialogue, and here’s why.

It puts extreme pressure on someone by telling them that anything less than changing the world, exceeding expectations a hundred fold, and blowing all your competition out of the water isn’t good enough. That just doing alright, and trying the best you can every day, and making slow and steady progress, isn’t good enough.

That if your performance is anything less than absolutely brilliantly magnificent every single day (compared to your peers, of course, not your own personal standards) — then you’re a total failure, and it’s your own fault. That everyone else is better than you, more worthy of success than you, because they make it look so easy while you struggle at it.

I can’t help but feel like shit when, in the spirit of encouragement, an article/Tweet/training program encourages me to go out and “crush it” in whatever I’m trying to accomplish. The intention is good, but it has the opposite effect on someone who’s struggling. It just makes me feel terrible when I'm not even anywhere close to “crushing it.” It makes me feel like everyone else is “crushing it” while it is crushing me. That everyone else has the ability to crush it, but not me.

“Triple your sales funnel with this method!” I’m happy to have any sales funnel at all.

“Multiply your revenues by doing this every day!” What if I'm not even breaking even?

“Dramatically increase your productivity!” I can’t even sit down and focus for more than 10 minutes, maybe I ought to work on that first?

If your problems can be solved simply by adopting a “crush it” mentality — if the biggest barrier in your life is ennui, and all you really need to succeed is to be more optimistic and try harder — then you don’t have any serious problems. You are very lucky, and probably very privileged. This line of thinking completely refuses to acknowledge the very serious barriers that hinder some of us from reaching everyone else’s sky-high standards of “crushing it.” It’s so much worse for people with serious life issues that can’t be magicked away by reading an insightful article — physical health, mental health, family problems, legal troubles. It also refuses to acknowledge how remarkable the achievements they do manage to reach are — because in comparison to more privileged people, they only seem “average” or “alright.“

I once watched a video about a 26-year-old woman who started a small baked goods business, and secured distribution of her cookies in a local gourmet shop. Seems pretty “average,” right? She’s clearly not crushing it. Anybody can do that! She needs to try harder! It’s meaningless until she’s got the cookies in supermarkets around the country! She’s nothing special!

But, oh wait — she started the business after she was rejected from every single job she applied for due to her Downs Syndrome. She has the wherewithal and tenacity to be an entrepreneur even in the face of the disability. The picture changes when you see the barriers she is up against. Most bakery owners have it easy compared to her, and still, she managed to make it this far.

I think she is crushing it, though not by the conventional definition. Why? Because she’s doing alright, when she started out doing terribly — coming from a place where she was deemed unemployable by those who discriminated against her. That’s the thing many don’t realize — when you start out in an awful place, getting from “awful” to “alright" is an absolutely remarkable accomplishment. It just doesn’t seem that way compared to others that started out at “alright" in the first place. To those privileged people, it seems like being at “alright” means you’re not putting any effort at all, when really, the effort was, and continues to be, enormous.

Do you have a chronic pain condition? Were you able to commute to your job, work all day, then commute back, despite the amount of standing and moving it required? Let me tell you — you are crushing it. Despite the fact that compared to others for whom moving around is physically easy, you ended up at the same place, you put far more effort into it. You deserve to be proud of this accomplishment which others will ignore or trivialize.

Do you suffer from clinical depression? Did you get out of bed this morning at a reasonable hour, put on some clothes, brush your teeth, eat some food, do something productive, then go back to bed at a reasonable hour? That’s awesome! Those who’ve never experienced the condition have no idea how difficult that is, how much effort it takes, and how much willpower is needed not to collapse or go numb or break out into tears at every moment of the day. Any moment you didn’t give in to the depression is a small victory.

Do you have ADHD? You’re telling me you spent an entire hour focused exclusively on the highest priority work you had to do? Whoa, that’s amazing!

Did you come from a low-income family? And you graduated from high school and college? I’m really proud of you!

Are you a working professional who’s also transgender? Do you have a good job that pays you a good salary, where people respect and value your work? I’m super happy for you. You probably had to put in ten times the effort into your job search, and still have to put in twenty times the effort on the job, to be seen as half as good as your cisgender peers.

The list could go on and on of the kinds of people that have to overcome enormous barriers to arrive at “alright” in life and in work. Despite this, mainstream self-help dialogue will still define “crushing it” as a fundamentally competitive sport, and ignore the fact that not everyone even begins the race at the same starting line.

Serious problems — the ones that hold people back from accomplishing their goals, even when they put in maximum effort — can’t be solved by trying harder, working faster, or simply looking on the bright side. It requires that those people get the extra specialized help they need — proper medical care, mental health treatment, scholarships, or peer support networks. It also requires us as a society to provide that help to those who need it, and change our existing institutions to fully accommodate those needs. We must also work to remove barriers of discrimination that make things even more difficult — racism, sexism, ageism, ableism, transphobia, xenophobia, and other such abhorrent belief systems. Only then can we even begin to talk about “crushing it.“

Yes, people who feel they’re doing “alright” or “average” should try to keep pushing themselves to do “awesome” and “above average.” But understand this: the rest of us are struggling just to get to “alright.” Where’s the encouragement for us? Where are the articles that help those doing badly? I have a feeling they outnumber the rest by orders of magnitude.

And hey, by our own relative standards, maybe we are actually doing awesome. Did you get out of bed on time today, stay awake all day, remember to take your medications, eat healthy, and make sure to go outside for a little walk and sunshine? It sounds like you "crushed it" today! Made progress on something while still enjoying the work? Fabulous! Didn’t cry, or self-harm, or sit in a fetal position in the corner of your bedroom? Sweet! Learned something new? Did better today than yesterday? Amazing!

Personally, I don’t give a single fuck about “crushing it.” I’d be happy just to put a dent in “it", or make a crack on its surface. I just want to survive through another day, so I that can get up and do it again the next day. I don’t care about coming in first; I just want to not be disqualified. I just want to not give up. That is hard enough in itself. That is an accomplishment enough in itself.

I have made a conscious decision to speak the opposite of the conventional “crush it” doctrine. I will write from the honest perspective of someone who struggles every single day, and still has yet to arrive at “alright.” I won’t be embarrassed of sharing such struggles — because I want readers to be able to relate, where they have felt alienated in the past by other authors preaching the “crush it” gospel. At the same time, I will acknowledge the struggles of others, and commend them when they reach achievements.

My advice to all the strugglers out there: don’t listen to the “crush it” crowd. Just do your best every day, work towards happiness, and believe in yourself. If you, dear reader, resonate with this, I invite you to follow me on the journey to get to “alright.”

#crush it #self-help #mental health #privilege #salt #articles

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