#i pictured it the whole time i wrote it
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do you like tuataras ..
Yeah they're okay I guess
#herpetology#Sphenodon#Sphenodon punctata#natural history museum#CuratorCore#pictures of my face#that thing on the front of my skull#selfie#animals#tuatara#Rhynchocephalia#I currently have perhaps the only stuffed tuatara in Denmark residing in my office#because it is damaged and I had to confiscated it from a teaching collection#this thing is absolutely precious and should not be handled all the time#we are trying to get it fixed now#I know that this guy who is an intern at a coffee company made a whole thing about tuatara in a book he wrote#but I haven't managed to read it yet#so I do not understand nerdfighteria's relationship with tuatara at all#but I know that there is one#and that's beautiful#I am the worst nerdfighter#anyway#tuatara are very cool#but the whole third eye thing REALLY irks me#like#have you SEEN Chalarodon madagascariensis?#Tuatara's third eye ain't shit
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Literally can't pay my rent until I get paid for September, which hasn't happened yet. Today is Friday, and Monday is the last day of the month. I'm so tired of being poor.
#i still cringe to call myself 'poor' bc i have my own apartment and can afford groceries#and even fun stuff like museums and cafe visits and public transport sometimes#but the reality of the matter is that after i pay off my student loans every month#i do not have enough money left to pay the following month's rent#and that's the way it's been my whole life#all my groceries and museum visits and coffee come from those few hundred euros left over#my whole life i've been choosing between 'having savings' and 'having even the smallest most humble life' and obviously i choose the latter#i never go to the movies#i buy all my clothes second hand (got some this past month after not having bought any new clothing in almost two years)#i have visited a museum TWICE this year#i go to restaurants like... once a month max#i am living the most frugal life that i possibly can without denying myself all pleasures#i don't even have netflix or anything like that! i only very rarely order delivery! i cook my own damn meals!#you get the picture#and yet still: one single missed paycheck is enough to potentially fuck up my life seriously#i've never missed a rent payment in my life but i'm scared it may happen this time#just wrote to HR of my former employer (who is supposed to still be paying me through october) to politely ask where my paycheck is#it's probably coming today (i sure as hell hope so) but if it doesn't... i legit don't know how i'm going to pay my rent#my rent is 673 euros and i only have 400 in my bank account#i probably have enough food in my pantry to survive for a month if i had to#but i've never missed rent in germany before (or ever) and i have no idea how long they'd wait before evicting me for non-payment#i'm scared. and i'm tired of being apparently the only fucking person in my social groups who is this poor#i am an over-educated 37-year-old professional who typically gets classed with the 'expats'#but one missed salary payment has me thinking about eviction and affording groceries#this is what i mean when i say i'm an immigrant. not an expat.#those people with their apple watches and co-working spaces and spontaneous trips to thailand or brazil are... a world apart from me#how come everyone i meet is so damn rich? where do i find fellow poor friends?#anyway i'm stressed. and i'm so so tired of spending my mental energy worrying about money#cosmo gyres#personal
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which fictional character was Emma Mountebank's gay awakening?
I was sitting here looking at this for like ten seconds and then my answer entered stage left at light speed and hit me like a brick to the face: she def didn't REALIZE it at the time but like, in hindsight... Emma's Gay Awakening was Lara Croft circa 2001. The Angelina Jolie!Lara era.
Honorable mention to Evie's sai fight in The Mummy Returns (also 2001)
#I will now die on this hill#Emma watched the 2000s Lara Croft movies with Jacob and pretended to hate it all but she was having a gay crisis internally#(picture Dylan side eyeing her the whole time if this was a counselors activity. like girl I SEE you crisis-ing over there)#NO I'm not projecting at all why do you ask#literally tho I watched the mummy movies at LEAST once a month every month all throughout childhood#my parents didn't raise me those movies raised me I'm so fr rn#the sai fight scene....... that's when everyone Should Have Known bc I was OBSESSED#but like. shoutout to my dad for watching all of Angelina's Lara croft movies regularly bc clueless baby gay me ate that shit up too#see also: transformers except I was 12 and wrote na essay about how awful Michael bay is for how he treated Megan fox#kudos to my English teacher who had to put up with me ahsjkfhjfkhjg#ANYWAY this ask was a gift ty moth!!!!#answered#emma mountebank#headcanons#mine#the quarry
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taro buys jiro a weird-looking kitty plushie
(this is a scene from my fic about taro and jiro going to the park and jiro getting a plushie! ;;w;;)
#gekkan mousou kagaku#delusional monthly magazine#jirotaro#tarojiro#jiro tanaka#taro j suzuki#my art#(i feel like i posted this at the wrong time or something so im reposting it--feel free to reblog even if you haven't read the fic!)#i finally finished illustrating this!! ;;w;; (ive been trying to finish this since i wrote it and idk why it's taken me so long T__T)#i realized while making this that i didn't describe the shopkeeper in my fic#i had imagined him something like this but bc i didn't describe him the shopkeeper could look like anyone#i realized also that i didn't describe taro or jiro either so they could have been furries for the whole fic and no one would have known#including me#but i meant for them to be humans#i think making references to their age did imply they were humans#also their hair is almost the same in furry form so describing their hair would not have helped in this case#i would have had to say something like#he grabbed taro's smooth hairless hand and taro stumbled forward without a tail to balance him#well there's probably another way to do it#anyway!! i finally illustrated my fic and i think there is a way to put images on ao3 so i might just put these pictures there!! \;;-;;/#btw! i am the first person who wrote a fic for this series!! i think i caused them to make a series tag for it#before my fic there was also a fanvid in the tag! \;;w;;/ but they didn't make it an official tag until mine#i think bc i didn't know what to tag and i put on like 3 variations of the series title
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Substance, Shadow, and Spirit [remixed, abridged] by Tao Yuanming
#liv in the replies#patrice bergeron#boston bruins#brad marchand#do you ever think about how brad marchand said that when bergy retired he would retire or are you capable of normal thought i'm not at all#please say a gratitude for both my sanity& y'all that this poem (which has been saved in my camera roll with the vague idea of using it for#??? long) & not one of the poems i had saved for carey for a really long time & remixed & everything with another poem until i found a poem#that absolutely murdered me in cold blood but there is an alternate universe where i did& then had to explain my unhinged thoughts to you.#anyway how are we feeling about bergy retirement. pspspspsp sara & luna are y'all doing okay like. the doc title for this one was#patrice the hockey player means a lot to me but patrice the person means so much more#which is why the end line of the other poem was so *%"@^)! (you love / what you are) because patrice does. like he is a whole ass good huma#& now since no one asked i need to tell you all the details about everything also y'all please clap i made an edit with NO baby pictures#although i did find one & save it & minimal genres of photo i always use in edits because they're my taste & aesthetic but anyway.#when i saved the first photo and marked it as one i wanted i accidentally wrote “how will he know they love him” which is not the line but#makes me feel feral about patrice & the rest of them all had hurtful names too but also. the third picture is literally a CELLY like brad#just scored a goal & he is clinging to bergy for dear life with that shit i saved that as “oh the agony on his face for unendurable”#& yes it is one of my cliches to have a draft day picture but in my defense the lifelong bond that patrice has/d with boston deserved to be#there even if i put in the love story & YES that picture is from the 2011 playoff right below it shared joy & pain & i couldn't tell you#when the brad marchy photo for together forever is except for the fact that i saw it & just the gut punch of oh my god the way he looks at#things men will praise you for is the stanley cup. duh. but i love the contrast of “some deed” being the stanley cup but then#bergy's choice to do noble deeds (ends up still earning praise &that's my note to his efforts outside of hockey we love a supportive captai#should also mention the first two i came up with & had the photos i knew i wanted for were the first and last one alskaldk but i KNEW i#wanted chara somewhere in the paragraph about leaving & then while i was looking found the one of bergy playing tuukka on accident & yes#i do have to make goalie jokes every time. no reprieve . no dice/no deal/no goal goalies have no rest/reprieve etc etc the one that killed#me though was looking for a patrice award pic & i wanted basically the one that i got for “how will you know any will praise you” & instead#also got the picture of patrice winning the some community hero award for charity work that he does & i love him mama & of COURSE that puck#is from bergy's 1000 game who do you think I am (if you guessed sleepy and emotional about patrice you'd be right) and ALSO please be ready#for all the patrice posts/bruins posts that have been sitting in my drafts to be released on this occasion of patrice retirement#I FORGOT TO MENTION THAT TUUKKA ALSO RETIRED THAT’S WHY HE WAS ON WISE OR SIMPLE NO REPRIEVE AND THAT LATE OR SOON WAS ALWAYS GOING TO BE#CHARA BECAUSE CHARA LEFT FIRST TO GO TO THE CAPS AND THEN LEFT IN RETIRMENT HE LEFT SOON BUT NOT FOR REAL THEN LATER LEFT FOR REAL (RETIRED)
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lin-manuel miranda
show me one (1) picture or video of him
anon, i'm sorry (i'm not), but this is my religion.
youtube
#i'm pretty sure bel would laugh at me again#fun fact: i have a youtube playlist with my favourite videos of lin and this one is also there#don't ask me how many times i've watched it#but also#i think it should be forbidden#this is a cursed video i swear to god#also how the hell can you look hot wearing something like this? i will never understand#2014 lin was something else#i love him so much#i have a whole collection of pictures of him wearing this stupid hat wtf is this even and WHY#i mean-#um#enjoy#i have no explanation#but everything about this video is insane and stupid and hot at the same time#i hate this.#lmm#anon#i saved every letter you wrote me*
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back to thinking i should never speak to another human being again
#probably just bc of the weather#see i got really overstimulated from the heat a bit ago#& now im just exhausted#will be going to sleep soon#i dont think i can be fully calm until i sleep for a bit anyway#but :( i dont want to have to stop listening to music :(#:( im also sad that my father fucked me up so bad about music that i had a hard time really enjoying it even just a few months ago#bc <3 music <3#im just sad in general#kinda want to look at old childhood pictures#or those books we wrote together#:( but unfortunately i ripped those up & threw them away years ago#bc i was so angry at her#& i didnt want anything of hers in my room#but those were also a really big part of my childhood#& thats just gone#yknow someone from my old school got married recently#at 18#which sounds quite worrying#she was lovely :) her whole family was really nice#but they all married early (generally not to the greatest people)#i think i actually might throw up#??? ive never felt this sick just from some memories before ????#mine
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I WANT to watch hate crimes md so bad but hospital dramas make my medical anxiety go so extra crazy
#I watched house in 2018 for a couple seasons and one day woke up in the middle of the night with abdominal pain#and wrote out my will in my notes app#actually I’m having a flashback to being like 10 and my mom watching house#and I caught episodes here and there#and in one ep some patient had pain and it did their little cgi body zoom in#and showed like. idk some kind of spine problem idk how to describe but can still picture it#like muscles or bones or discs slipping around in a way they shouldn’t#and the image haunted my whole childhood I would picture than happening inside my body any time I experienced any pain#anyway. I’ll probably end up watching it again regardless
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in the midst of trying to write something else i just got slammed into by the idea of a bending au
#not like. full on atla or anything not even really bending#just kind of an affinity for different elements#tbh more of a character study than anything#airbender jonas - that's how he made it through all the super windy danish races as a teeny tiny junior and also the whole time trial thing#and like. climbing and breathing and all that#firebender tadej just glows with that kind of explosive power but also the risk of like. burning himself out when he tries to do too much#also had a good laugh trying to picture how the uci would regulate the shit out of bending#is it an illegal method i have a supernatural ability to bend the air around me during a time trial?#what if i wrote something
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I know the chief advice for artists is to create for yourself, but I don't usually write just for me. I mean, I rarely write things I'm not at least a little invested it -- I choose the pairings, and the plot, and of course even when I'm writing for someone else it's going to have a piece of me in it. But when I'm writing, I'm pretty well always doing it with an audience in mind. As a general rule, I don't feel particularly compelled to write things out just for me. I'm usually content to just leave them as daydreams and fantasies, rather than put in the work of putting it onto paper. Writing is meant to be read, and I'm not really in the habit of rereading my own writing (I should. I know I should. But I don't, really)
But I think I'm going to take the time to write something really, terribly self indulgent. It's been... A year? Two? Since I wrote something just for me. I think a return to my roots would do me some good. Time to kill the reader in my head and write the most egregiously self-fulfilling fic I can come up with.
#and i think i shall employ kaz and astarion to do it#shameless vampire sex here i come#i think the last thing i wrote just for myself was the Keshet/Haurchefant hate sex fic?#and even that i was picturing the reception to the whole time#but that one was very much a 'writing to get the gremlins out' situation#thats kinda what makes me sad about having learned to write methodically rather than always being inspiration driven#theres less space frantic writing for writing's sake because the words are just always thete#and i mean i like that. its great and i appreciate being able to do that#but sometimes i miss the days of writing 10k words in a burst of inspiration that no one else is ever going to read or care about#kei's commentary#~k
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feeling myself Actually move on is insane..... what do you Mean i don't want to cry every time i see her????
#just saw a picture of her at a poetry thing when ***I*** was the one who introduced her to poetry#and my only response was to laugh because she will NEVER get away from the sound of the person that loved her#also i just Know the poetry she wrote was bad. i Know she thought about me the whole time.#are these tags a sign i'm not as over it as i thought??? perhaps. or is it just a sign that i'm in the angry haha fuck you stage???#going to go on a drive and listen to the cunty country taylor songs about this kind of shit. i BET you think about ME!!!#when you're out!!! at your ''cool'' milquetoast anarchism EVERY WEEK!!!!#quite literally when you say oh my god he's insane he wrote [too many things to name] about me <3#at the end of the day at least **I** have good hair and an actual sense of fashion and friends who don't hate me <3#also this is about No One who follows me. if anyone remembers my intense heartbreak posting from earlier this year it's Her.#i'm in my now that we don't talk era <3 my mom DOES say that it's for the best <3 hashtag know it's for the better
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-. bro... i'm... bro this draft thing is actually working BRO- hehe~
#;ooc#;tbd#not kidding i'm? i mean i've got still A WHOLE lot left to write very many lmao BUT I'M ACTUALLY WRITING nobody move lest we break the spel#i'm also reading the picture of dorian gray finally and lmao it's? bro it's genuinely funny sometimes#every time lord henry opens his nASTY NASTY mouth he says something that makes me lose my wits he's hilarious#he can't possibly be serious ALAS ALAS i want to hurt him#i can't explain him he's obviously like... the worst he's a scumbag lmao but the way he loves himself is hilarious to me#when dorian walks in 'so about this actress' i am OBSESSED with the way he seems more obsessed with her work than her as a person#when he speaks of her as the character she's portraying that evening i get so violent because i love it#her brother is So Right btw pls don't leave come back we need you#also i read there's murder in this? i gasped and swooned i LOVE murder#DEADASS I?? I DON'T KNOW WHY THIS BOOK MAKES ME GIGGLE IN EVIL GLEE#i can't WAIT for it to all go awfully to hell YES#anyways i'm proud of what i wrote just now so i'm taking another break and making mself another cuppa~#when i'm back i wanna write something for Calista & Sarang so LYNNIE IF YOU SEE THIS HELLO LUV U~#tschüssie~
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i keep hearing noise about a linked universe discord where is this. where can i find this. i wanna lurk.
#not kpop#shut up vic#considering i have stuff i should be doing and i'm embarrassed to be asking about alternately nitty gritty and blindingly obvious loz lore#i probably wouldn't SAY much#but would love to be a fly on that wall#linked universe#this week on the wiki isn't helpful: can people in loz actually see the great fairy fountains why is pikango like 'would LOVE#to see a great fairy fountain please take a picture and show me' when the fountain is literally right up the hill just walk up there#why is the great fairy at kakariko losing her power there's a whole village down there that knows she's up there they talk about her#they're like 'our protector' so give her rupees?? are they just poor??? but they clearly have commerce considering the carrots and pumpkins?#i am confused please advise#anyway it's only relevant to linked universe in that i got brainrot and wrote 35k and then started thinking too hard about the world#but it got me thinking abt the legendary discord i've heard offhanded mentions of a few times#idk it's 3:34 am i need to be awake in like 6 hours anyway#gonna send this into the void and see what happens
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#I gave him the book#dirty pretty things#written by this authors partner#I don't know if he liked what I wrote in it#because it was just something small that I had already said to him#but I hope maybe one day a long time from now#he might see it and remember#this poem was saved in my phone#I'm trying to clean basically my whole entire life#so I will be dumping some pictures here#mostly things like this#some funny sexy things#although I like to save those up for when I want to make him happy#flirty little fun messages#because I am the worlds worst sexter#I get quiet when I'm really turned on#which completely defeats the purpose#lmao#until I get loud#but that's like#in person#today I miss him extra#I got in big trouble#i deserved it though#some days everything feels so heavy#I try to stay positive#i just get touch starved so quickly#I don't really need a lot of actual attention#I just don't know how to get used to not being touched consistently#it makes me miss him a lot
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mfw i open my college’s newspaper and i see an article about me with the worst picture of myself that ive ever seen in my life
#annabelle yellz#for context#someone who works for the newspaper interviewed me and wrote an article about me#he asked me to read it and if it was okay for him to publish#i was like Yeah i guess#and then he asks to get a picture of me to go with it#and i felt bad saying no so i let him take my picture after class#i was nervous sweating that whole class btw so when it was time to take the pic i looked disgusting#and he said he’d show me the pic before he published the story#but i guess he forgot cause he published the story and pic 😭#and then my professor came up to me like ‘that article is really inspiring’#and then showed it on the projection screen in front of my whole class 😭😭#i literally looked down at my hands the entire time until he turned off the screen#also social security denied me disability once again even though i saw a doctor that told me they should accept me#also everyone in the system is gone except me#also my step dad has a tumor in his lung#also i feel like the weight of the world is gonna crush me any second and the only thing that keeps me alive is lain and mf#BUT ANYWAYS
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just
#There's just this horrible crushing feeling in my chest and it's not that I think Johnny hates Moz or anything#It's not that#I can on some level understand why Johnny's immediate reaction would be no#Andy is gone#Moz refused to join him in 2008#There's been so much before this moment#On Johnny's end#And I get like#Why Johnny be like I just can't do it#I really do#That's so much emotional turmoil to survive#And to have begged for years#Only for Moz to just now say well okay I guess let's make amends#It must have been an incredibly hard thing#I'm not even sure what to feel about Moz' agreement#I sort of thought in my mind Moz would have rather dunked his face into a bucket of hungry piranhas before sharing a stage with Johnny agai#He has just been so distant in public#I know that doesn't mean anything about what they do privately#Moz guards his personal life to an extreme extent#He's never even talked about Damon as his boyfriend#Or had a proper picture taken with him#But Moz saying yes#I don't know how to feel#On one hand it amazes Moz wrote that whole pissy open letter last year#Then is like Johnny come back#It's not the first time though is it#I just can't#Moz feeling so hurt when Johnny wouldn't stand up for him in court#Or appeal the decision#Then after two decades to be able to say Johnny I want to be with you again
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