#even though this one is about depression :/
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Kiss Kiss Fallen Tree!
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#Sorry to everyone who was looking forwards to this comic only to find out I put WWX in the ugliest outfit.#Continuity came first. Plus let's be honest; he did *not* show up in anything fancy. Or in all black as seen in most fanart.#We are at the middle of WWX depression arc. His self-care was 100% because Jin Yanli would be sad if he didn't try to look nice.#Okay okay. Fine I've delayed talking about the kiss long enough.#It is absolutely a core LWJ scene over a WWX scene. Which is made even more fascinating because we don't get his POV.#But we get so many insights! His loss of control and his firmness all contrasted against how he trembles.#And all of that wrapped up in a wonderful self-loathing bow! You go Lan Zhan! You hated yourself so much for this!#WWX is a hilarious narrator for this because he is truly just...baffled by what's going on.#He would push the person away but he doesn't want to hurt their feelings or pride (putting other people first again are we?)#I do understand why this one is divisive for people though. I choose to look at it through a character/humourous lens.#I've seen people defend and admonish this scene as a particularly shitty thing LWJ did and let's be very clear here: It was.#That's why I like it. LWJ did a shitty thing and struggles with it. It's part of what makes him so robust as a character.#It's also fine if you enjoy this scene for it's eroticism. You're not a bad person for that. You are just A Person.#People will have their own experiences with this topic. Be kind to each other alright?
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
What makes me sad about the ao3 ddos attack is that fanfic writers are still gonna be the most underappreciated part of fandom despite how these past couple days prove they're really part of the backbone. Writers are still getting little to no recognition especially if they aren't one of the top kudos fics or have a small following. They'll continue to get thousands of hits but only a handful of kudos and maybe a comment or two. And of those comments, they're going to get some person insulting their work or making them feel pressured.
Maybe when you go to download your fave fics now that ao3 is back, you leave a comment for that author. Just something small, not even that much. And no, being shy or worried about being cringe is not a good excuse. It's once again showing that the writers you missed so desperately are actually worth so little to you
#i just wish people would comment more#that one post i made that got a bunch of recognition is filled with comments of how 'yeah no i wont comment im too shy/cringe'#and it just proves my point that people dont care about fic writers even though they sob over not getting to read their fic#its depressing#ao3#fanfiction#archive of our own
611 notes
·
View notes
Text
Hehe this man is broken and severely emotionally distressed. Silly lovable guy but given self esteem issues because of the crushing weight of perfectionism. Not so funny if you think about it too long. But at least on the upside he cries pretty :))
No but seriously for all those who relate to Mr. Puzzles just want you to know your accomplishments alone do not define your value and worth as a person. Even when you’re a messy work in progress, you are loved and appreciated more than you may recognize. Thank you for being here. Don’t get me wrong it’s good to be idealistic and set goals, but don’t undermine yourself if you don’t get that perfect score….or if you start to fall behind compared to everyone else. Everyone goes through those moments of doubt or perceived failure. We need to fail every once in a while. And that’s okay
…a-anyways funny goofy dramatic TV guy we love him so much so silly so slay he lives in my head rent free yipeee. This animation is dedicated to him because if anyone in the cast deserved a feature length film it was definitely him, and he sure took up the spotlight in Puzzlevison and absolutely owned it. I’m excited for his future endeavors ✨
#someone please how did I make this in two days wh-#wow wow wow what’s going on here how did I do that this is scary super powers being unlocked right now#Mr. Puzzles hyperfixation give me strength and motivation to get shit done I guess??? yay???#like holy shit I’m so productive in my art all the sudden whats this feeling of dopamine and happiness-#WHAT HAPPENED TO MY DEPRESSION WHERE’D IT GO#sir really stepped into my brain and yeeted my depression saying ‘looks like you won’t be needing that anymore’#and now he things he can just puppeteer me around to make countless art pieces in his image and honor??#he’s using me as his pawn to spread his glorious face around the internet HELP jksjksp#no actally don’t it’s very comfortable and freeing here I love letting my silly fixations go rampant <3#I don’t even need to think about what I want to do art stuff just happens naturally#CHEERS TO FICTIONAL MEN YIPEEE#wow he’s so mentally ill just like me fr /j#also now I’m staring to guilt trip myself because I feel bad watching him cry even though I’M THE ONE WHO ANIMATED IT WHYYYY#hplonesome art#mr. puzzles animation#smg4 mr puzzles animation#mr puzzles smg4 animation#sad mr puzzles#mr. puzzles crying animation#smg4 mr puzzles#mr. puzzles smg4
51 notes
·
View notes
Text
*crawls out of the psd file covered in blood* AUGH
#first time in awhile ive been happy with a transient group shot#my art#i feel so bad bc all of the art ive been making for it is like YAAAY hooray happy space friends !! :3#but narratively this is my hard-hitting depression series and i put in. things.#ive been thinking about making some mini comics or scenes of the darker stuff thats more true to the story but im worried its cringe edgy#even though it is based on my real ass life#like one reason sulu wears that hat bc in his 20s his depression was so bad that he slept for 18 hrs a day#and being in bed so long rubbed a bald spot in the back of his head#which is a real thing#you can do#speaking from#experience
46 notes
·
View notes
Text
Look, I just think it's VERY funny and on brand that I thought of an entire premise of colorful characters for half the cast and immediately drew the only one void of color.
#my characters#i will not bore you all too much in the main post but now its story time in the tags so yeefuckinghaw#noll is a fae and is distinctly the only one that just lacks colors#at first he was like well surely i can wear colorful stuff to make up for my dark hair and eyes !#and then he overhears some of the fae talking about how hes a blemish to the fae and hes like well fuck#guess its time to go all in baby! and decks himself out in all black and jagged clothing#and he tries to play it off as hes an idiot and a lot of the fae actually believe its not ALL an act#like they can tell he thinks about stuff but he normally does it staring into space so they dont care to ask#cause surely it isnt important enough to brood about hes just thinking about stuff#and he really REALLY has a lot of confidence issues and worries that more fae are disturbed by his darkness than let on#but then the other fae that like to hang out with him are like#YOOOOOO THATS OUR LIL VOID! THATS OUR LIL GUY! our lil black spot look at him hes so edgy and cute!#and treat him like a pet cat at times giving him head pats even if he bats their hands away#and the plot premise is that some of the fae are bored and decide they should go play with some humans! give THEM enrichment too!#and noll gets roped into it and The Game is basically go find a human partner and convince them to be an ally#then the fae give the humans cool lil toys (weapons) and are like GO FORTH MY CHAMPION!#so noll keeps like ... not picking anyone to participate because its not just A Game to him#if he can prove victorious in A Game with outside factors such as humans then he can prove hes not#an absolute disappointment to the fae like he has a lot riding on this in his mind#and his friends are just like buddy you cant even play if you dont pick a human you gotta#anyway here is noll and then i have ideas for two other fae and also a veeeery vague idea for two of the humans though not as sure yet#rae if you read all this you should know the cobalt is a fae thanks bye#i am so stressed posting ocs every single time and i am incredibly depressed and anxious#so good lord please let me not just delete all the tags in an hour bc im ashamed
71 notes
·
View notes
Text
I can't imagine being anywhere near as insane as Trump supporters because my dad told me that he, earlier, drove past a guy putting a "Harris Walz 2024" sign outside his house and decided to yell out at him "TRUMP 2024 YOU COCKSUCKER" and flip him off. And he laughed when he told me because he thinks that yelling at a man (emphasized man because he thinks men should be "better" than women, and "better" would be voting for Trump in this case) who is voting for a "whore who slept her way to the top" (his exact words) is funny. And expected me to laugh with him. And got angry when I didn't and just stared at him in disbelief. Even though he already knows that I don't like Donald Trump. These people fully expect others to find their weird ass derogatory words and behavior FUNNY. Donald Trump is leading a cult of old people who he brainwashed into being delusional with him.
#vote blue#harris walz 2024#kamala harris#tim walz#i know some fucker is gonna be here saying like “it's true i was the tree”#i didn't see this with my own two eyes but i've lived 21 years with my dad and i HAVE seen him do shit like this#but it was mostly just honking at random people on the sidewalk or yelling “WHERE Y'GOING” in their direction out the window#like it's still embarrassing and weird but not derogatory#and since being retired and having nothing to do all day except watch trump and more trump and more trump he has gotten worse#not a day has gone by in the last four months where he hasn't insulted joe biden or kamala harris#and every single time he has expected my brother and i to laugh at his insult even though he knows that we don't like trump#it's so depressing watching your own parent become a worse person#he was already one of the insufferable republicans before trump and now he's a trump republican which is even worse#and yk what's even worse it's that my mom has no spine against men so if her boyfriend asks for her to vote trump she'll be like “okay”#she's not a republican she just doesn't care because she thinks voting doesn't matter#my aunt who i have always loved so much now calls up my dad to talk about trump with him and i never heard her swear until this year#my other aunt makes talking about trump her entire personality when she has a gambling addiction she should be treating instead#my dad's side is a bunch of trump supporters and my mom's side just doesn't give a fuck#and i can't vote because i'll get kicked out of here faster than the speed of light the second my dad sees#the paper in the mail saying that my voter history has been updated#even if it's not public who i voted for because he knows that whoever i vote for will never be trump#sorry#tag vent#this sucks#please vote
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
sits up in bed. so lana and ema definitely thought they were responsible for edgeworth "choosing death", right?
(the rest of this post was supposed to go in the tags, because it's not very well organised or written, but it got too long so. here are the slightly edited tags for your reading pleasure (or otherwise)):
i was going to make this solely about ema because she's the obvious one with her open adoration of edgeworth, but the thing about rfta is that it goes to great lengths to emphasise the connection between lana and edgeworth as well.
the sl-9 incident showed that lana grows attached to people deeply, hence angel starr's comment on how, when neil marshall died, 'she (lana) felt like her own brother had died.' with edgeworth, i think it was similar but worse. because he's not just a coworker or subordinate who's dear to her. he saved her life. and it cost him his own.
at the beginning of the case, edgeworth says he was mistaken for thinking that lana was always looking out for him post sl-9 (a statement interesting on its own because that's when everyone else says she grew distant), and, later on, he brings ema fingerprinting powder because lana asked him to. then, of course, there's the 'lady luck' comment he makes.
similarly, on lana's side, you obviously have the end of the trial when she says he did well, but there's also that additional moment post-trial where she's the only one to notice — in a group comprising her, ema, phoenix and gumshoe — that he's 'hiding', listening to their conversation. point is, there's enough to suggest that she might have been the nearest thing edgeworth had to a mia; his 'chief prosecutor' to phoenix's plain 'chief'. they're as close as two people can be in a relationship where one of them is constantly lying and the other is von karma's star pupil.
rfta is pretty straightforwardly depicted as the case which solidified edgeworth's resolve to do what he did; i don't think i have to prove that. rumours about him have reached new heights, his car and knife were involved in goodman's murder, he makes an unprecedented mistake in court by failing to connect the evidence room and carpark incidents, thus forcing the chief of police to enter the trial to do so himself, and he's publicly revealed to have relied on falsified evidence to secure a conviction in the sl-9 case, all of which only happened because of lana. jake marshall even claims that from the beginning — that if you trace edgeworth's rumours back to their source, you end up meeting one person: lana skye.
and it gets worse because at the end of rfta, she thinks he's fine!! she literally says, 'i was afraid the pressure would break you, but you rose above it,' and reminds him he's nothing like gant because he's not alone. she leaves the case thinking he will be okay. and then, what, like a week passes, and she finds out that he wasn't, and that he's gone, and it's her fault. even after she was freed from gant's control, even after she had finally stopped lying, she couldn't prevent herself from claiming another life. so much for 'lady luck', i suppose.
and the game reiterates this multiple times. gumshoe states at the start that edgeworth's ties to those higher up in the department have made him the subject of constant rumours, and phoenix says (in front of ema) that he shouldn't be held responsible for the forged evidence because that was all lana's doing, which then leads to edgeworth commenting (again in front of ema) that he feels as though 'something inside him has died.' it all goes back to lana. we can argue and say that it was technically gant's doing that caused all of this, but lana still took actions that led to it. even her complicated friendship with edgeworth isn't spared; it's that closeness between them that exacerbated those rumours. how could she not feel responsible in some way?
and with ema, it's rather obvious, isn't it? if she hadn't gone poking her nose into things, none of this would have happened or come to light. and, of course, she'd never choose anyone over her sister, not for anything in the world — it's simply not a question, but that's the problem, isn't it? it's not a question. it's not some hypothetical moral dilemma. it just is. she may not have killed neil marshall, but she still has one king of prosecutor's blood on her hands. and now she has to live with that. she just. has. to live with it. no matter if he chose otherwise.
moving on from that a little, i think it's actually wild how much of ema's journey to becoming a forensics investigator is paved with bad memories. neil marshall's death and her subsequent inability to testify are what drives her to begin pursuing it, her first proper investigation results in her idol's "death" and when she finally graduates, the person who saved her sister has been disbarred, and she can't even help because she isn't allowed to. all that pain and constant pursuit of her goals, and she's still the same ema skye, still that girl shrouded in darkness, always one step behind the truth, one step a little too late. no wonder she was angry in aa:aj. i would be furious.
#and then like a year later they find out edgeworth's fine and if that happened to me i think i would kill him fr#WKSHDKAHDKS#lana skye#ema skye#miles edgeworth#the skye sisters' relationship with one dramatic depressed prosecutor is something that can be so personal...#ive literally never thought this much about lana or ema ever. they never occupy my thoughts but somehow.#everyone else: man edgeworth's vanishing must have had a real impact on franziska and phoenix. me: what about these 2 side characters who#technically only appeared once in the whole trilogy. in a dlc. what about them.#it's actually so interesting how much lana is set up to be important to edgeworth. phoenix even says she reminds him of mia and when i#first read that i was like ??? bc of the scarf? there's more to mia than a scard phoenix. but then you pay attention to how she interacts#with edgeworth and it's like oh. i see it now. and then she disappears forever.#mind you i dont think she or ema were like. destroyed by the news of edgeworth's supposed passing. not in the way phoenix was anyway.#for better or worse both lana and ema are shown to have a tight hold over themselves emotionally speaking. lana keeps a lid on them for#years and ema is told she might have killed neil by accident and is functional after a brief faint and recess. like those women are strong.#but i do think it would have had a deep impact regardless of how well they were able to cope. like i've said i dont see how it wouldnt.#anyway this concludes my rfta moment. time to go back to being unable to say a thing about susato-san even though she occupies my every#waking moment. if you read all this ily <3#it's also past midnight so if this is all a bit everywhere im sorry
122 notes
·
View notes
Text
What if the Pale King locked himself away in the Dream Realm to recreate what he did to the Hollow Knight? After the Vessel leaked and he realized that it most likely had capability enough to suffer, but far far too late to even hope to do anything to fix it. He was beyond the point of no return, there was nothing he could do to undo the Sealing. And even if he could, there were no other options that he could think of of what to do about the Blazing Light.
He had no choice but to keep the Vessel sealed. No choice but to watch his kingdom crumble. There was nothing he could do.
Nothing, but to seal himself away in a self-imposed punishment in the exact same way he imparted onto his only (known) living child.
A weak attempt to impose the same agony onto himself as he forced onto them.
And should the people of his kingdom stop worshiping him and forget he exists, dwindling his power and life to a pathetic end?
Well...
Perhaps that might've been for the best.
#hollow knight#Pale King#Potential Headcanon#Thinkin about this soggy worm again#I don't actually think this is the case I just think it's an interesting concept#Though perhaps not entirely out of the realm of possibility from what we know of PK's character#PK locked his most shameful memory behind the Path of Pain and the Entirety of the Dream White Palace could be an extension of that#in a sort of ''No one's allowed in but also HE'S not allowing himself to leave either'' way#The Sealing was meant to be permanent and eternal so I don't think PK made a 'back door' in case things went wrong either#Back doors are weak points and a potential escape route is something you don't want when dealing with the Radiance#So even if PK WANTED to get Hollow out of there I don't think he was actually ABLE to do so#Presuming he didn't know about the Dream Nail#Which had to of been fucking AGONY for him#''Oh shit my Vessel-child is actually alive and I just put a pissed off god inside of them aND I CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT FUCK FUCK FUCK'#*chucks depression meds at PK* Boi get off ur ass and at least try to do smth don't just wait around till u die ffs
57 notes
·
View notes
Text
”Damn I’ve been feeling kind of shitty about what I went through when I was 15-16. I wonder if there’s a way to get all these feelings out besides therapy”
SpottedLeaf and Anya:
#blimbo rambles#wc#Crazy as hell to me that the game came out when it did because that was right when I had a feeling I was about to get sent into another#depressive ass spiral for weeks on end over that whole shitty internet thing (again)#I don't carry the same Kinds of mental weight/trauma that these two characters hold - and I know Spotted's whole thing was handled poorly#with her story not even trying to be about grooming according to Victoria Holmes- but something about their characters just#made me feel. I dunno how to explain this but not alone I guess?#Definitely not the right explanation#Basically I'm just trying to say that it's so crazy how quickly these two characters have become really important to me#as embarrassing as that is to admit it's true#again. the game came out RIGHT when I felt one of the depressive episodes coming back. Course I got a lot on my mind when my#birthday was lose. Sure as hell got a lot on my mind now that I'm 19. Not oversharing about that though#But I dunno man. Just feels nice to explore topics of trauma and ptsd with these two (Even if I do more so with Spotted but that's because#I don't really want to draw people much and also I get embarrassed drawing human fanart)#anyways how do I end these tags off#Uh. Alright these two characters are now apart of my “Important Characters I project onto” shelf right next to Smudge
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
Before otasune week ends I just want to take a moment to plug my playlist
#I just remembered it exists#otasune#snotacon#snake x otacon#mgs#metal gear solid#metal gear#solid snake#David#hal emmerich#they’re married but also have never confessed their feelings to each other#people who think that snake would be the one rejecting Otacon is obviously basing it off of their appearances only#like sorry to say but snake has definitely slept with and accepted his feelings for men#and Hal has not#Hal sleeps with women to try and keep his mind off the fact he has a full family with a man who he loves and is going to watch die#I personally hc his dads abuse had a lot of affect on his feeling of inferiority so being gay would be too weak for him#he’s like a ally who is totally cool with other gay people but freaks out when the label is pointed at him#despite literally having a husband#but I think snake knows and accepts it in his own way#never forgiving Hal for the Naomi thing though#snake looked absolutely devestated the entire time but when he rolls over to sleep on the couch when Hal leaves with her and the soft sad#romance music in the back??? crazy#and y’all don’t even want to hear about the depressing queer repression cycle parallel between him and his mom (Strangelove)#I’m so insane about them I need them to just be in their happy family and nothing bad ever happens#Spotify
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
hey. um. i love him
#O_O i really love him#it's getting warmer every day and i can't draw him in a sweater for much longer#by the way. is this site going to. yknow. die#sigh........i kept telling myself I'd get better at it one day#kind of like the way i tell myself i can get together courage to speak up but i never do#using another website just sounds so depressing#im not good at social media. im tired of pretending like i can get good at it#but you can't even pretend like you can jump into a conversation if no one is having a conversation#i wanted to be part of a community here but i never could figure out what belonging looked like or how i could do it#and maybe it's my fundamental misunderstanding of that that prevents it but how can i understand it without experience#I'm so jealous of everyone who looks like they achieved what i couldn't even put my finger on. but since i didn't even understand it#i can't even be sure what exactly im jealous of#the other day i walked past a trio of friends and they had their arms around each other and were laughing as they walked#and i felt really strongly that even though I've always wanted a friend like that I'm actually fundamentally incompatible with that.#there's several reasons#but it made me feel really sad. but it made me feel a little better too. i guess it's really not my fault. maybe. i don't really know#in that moment it felt very much like something that was not my fault. and it was nice and sad at the same time#idk what's going to happen here. but one thing i know for sure is that i can have a happy tomorrow. no matter what#no matter what i have to give up on. i can find joy in other things. even in myself#and if there's one idea that he is about. it's that one
25 notes
·
View notes
Text
dark obviously hates being called dark-kun over literally anything else like dark-sama or Just Dark but it's also nice when a muse recognizes that he is or at least should be just like. 17.
#*・゚⊰ 𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐒. ⊱ ✦ › OUT.#the occasional childish behavior is rlly important to his character if only because him being old as fuck is something#he rlly doesnt gloat about or bring up most of the time#bc how much of that was even him living. he's stuck in the metaphorical basement. he can only ever watch w such brief breaths of existence#hes put himself into depression and a learned helplessness over shit. he sleeps constantly#muts that grimace when i say 'imagine being 17 for 2000 yrs' understand though 😂i trust them#hes always somewhere in between 'oh yeah i TOTALLY know what i'm doing' and not actually knowing anything. ever#very equatable to the older bro hiking his boots up cause he's got daisuke to take care of and all the adults in their canon are#either unapproachable or useless outside of the niwa fam members itself#hes gotta puff himself up to be the responsible one to be bigger to be relied on alllllll the time by everyone else who wants or needs him!#well. anyways. i digress#point is i hope dark comes off as 17 sometimes even if it's in a way that makes people want to tear out their hair
17 notes
·
View notes
Text
There's always a slight yearning in the back of my mind wishing I had been born in the right place, time, family situation, income level, etc. to have just lived in one single house for my entire life. Imagine being born in a place that still suits you, even through all of your personal evolutions and etc. The idea of deep familiarity with an area because you've lived and explored it for 40+ years, being encased in a web of memories and connections. Being able to clean out your old childhood bedroom and find personal artifacts, to dig in the yard and remember. I know those lives can still be plenty imperfect, but there's just something so seemingly solid and stable and Grounding about it that I sometimes wish I could have.. (At least from my outside perspective as someone who's moved around a bit geographically and even within the same area, never lives in the same house/ apartment /etc. for more than a few years usually.) Like... having a place that is printed upon, fully your own, rather than chronically a visitor, every thought of a space always tempered with the notion that one day soon you'll have to pack it all up again, etc. There's something peaceful about the permanence.
#I think also because I'm a very nostalgic person - THOUGH not in the way that somep poeple mean when they say nostalgia because I've realiz#ed that to some people apparently it means like.. more of a sad emotional thing? Or when I talk about being nostalgic they say 'me too' and#then describe how they're always depressed dwelling on the past wishing they could revisit it and replaying it and feeling sad and etc.#Whereas for me - it's not in a deep or emotional way at all. It's very detached - kind of like someone who is doing like a scientific#cataloguing of something? I don't feel any remorse or sadness or longing or sitting there sobbing for hours over people/pets I've lost or#etc. It's more like a fun contemplative excercise and extension of self analysis plus just documentation. Like I know your memory fades as#you get older OR even as stuff is actively ongoing humans have terrible recall - even the ones who are less emotional/more focused on#accuracy our minds still twist things or etc. SO I looove to have documentations of everything possible so that in the future I will have#as full and complete of a view of myself as I possibly can. sure the image will undoubtedly be a little distorted but having real evidence#of how something was at a time is very valuable. You look through old messages or letters or something and you always find other alternate#versions of yourself. Not in a worse way like inherently inferior Previous Models Of You who haven't yet been perfected but even just in a#neutral way like 'what they're saying is not a BAd thing but also is not how I would say that today.' etc. ANYWAY I find it really interest#ing to document and remember things and love revisiting the past - not in a sad way - but just like. curiosity. reminiscing and recalling#and filling in gaps. or trying to have the same feeling I felt at a previous time so I can remember what it was. Collecting information for#documentation purposes. Like for example - I would love to go back and tour all of my old childhood houses/apartments. Not to like#sit in the middleof them and cry and go 'ohhh my childhood waughhh' - but literally because I want to take detailed photographs so I#can remeber exatly what they looked like and recreate them in sims or some other digital way. Why? idk. just to gather the information. If#I ever live to like 80 years old and I'm still reflecting on my life curious about the dteails of it. I want to be able to fire up my#ancient windows 10 laptop I've kept all these years and open up the sims 4 and tour my old home with accuracy etc. ??#Not sure why really. Maybe an extension of how I generally care a lot about having an 'accurate' view of things? Like I would rather be#accurate than be happy. I don't understand 'ignorance is bliss' because I would always rather know. I always always in any situation am mor#focused on 'what is the well researched practical truth' than about 'how does this make me feel' or etc. Truth above ALL else even if it#were to make me miserable. Aka why I'm a 'boring' 'annoying' 'UM actually..' type of killjoy lol because it's very hard for me to understan#that some people can enjoy something or have a good time even not knowing the full facts of a situation or etc. BUT anyway. since that is#some core driver of my personality for whatever reason (just the plague of ennegram type 5 perhaps lol) maybe that also drives me to my#kind of minor obsession with like 'I must have a complete view and calatoguing of my life that is as accurate as possible within the means#i have' . Is it REALLY important for me to know the exact layout of on of my first childhood bedrooms? no. materially it does nothing for m#in life. BUT hey. it would make a great addition to the Accurate Life Story Catalogue lol. ANYWAY.. But I think a lot of wanting to live in#one place forever is not just the ease of documentation. but the sense of having a constant. Much of what i crave most in life is stability#& familiarity &routine bc of how my brain works. And it just would feel so good to be Settled. Never uproot again. One little place FOREVER
43 notes
·
View notes
Text
I wanna thank my irl friends who follow me here and also my beloved mutuals as well as followers who still send me kind messages and try to interact with me and my stuff even if I'm bad at doing it myself.
Honestly, things haven't been that great with me lately, so... it means a lot to me. Honestly. <3
#personal#i had to make the tough decision to drop out of school last week#i didn't exactly want it if i'm being completely honest here#but certain stuff was preventing me from getting further so i knew the teachers are gonna ask me to quit over at our teams meeting#i instantly contacted my nurse about my situation. and she got me a doctor's appointment which was yesterday#where i kind of broke down a little. not because she didn't grant me the sick leave i thought i was going to get#after feeling down and sleeping terribly for weeks#but because she actually *got me*. like. she actually listened to me and figured out some stuff and told me that#what i'm going through and what i've been going through for years would make anyone depressed#so i couldn't help but cry a little because yeah. i'm so tired of never being enough no matter how hard i try#because my brain's wired a certain way and it makes me slow and kinda clumsy and inattentive at times#which. you might guess is not ideal at today's work environment. or studying-wise even#so instead of granting me sick leave (she did say we can change that at anytime though) she told me to wait for that phone call#from the unemployment office. which i should be getting tomorrow. or well. later today#and talk to them about this. to see if they can offer some solutions. or if we can figure something out#'cause i'm getting closer to my 40s and not getting anywhere and it's wearing me out and tiring me out#because i clearly can't help myself or change my ways on my own#i managed to get some work last week though. at the local youth house. one shift though but money still#but i haven't been getting those offers a lot during the past few months so it's not enough to support me obviously#so i definitely need something else. and i hope i can get help. that someone could help me#i should finally get tested for adhd next month too. i don't know if i even have it or if it's gonna change anything but#at least i'd know#anyway i needed to get this off my chest. cause i'm kinda crying a little bit even now just thinking about this whole thing#sorry
24 notes
·
View notes
Text
orym: the gods can and should have the final authority on things because they are the final authority, and if you're in charge it means you are wholly good and you should not be questioned. those are the facts.
also orym: um sorry i know you asked and are trusting me to do it but actually i can't kill all my friends even if they're trying to murder me. sorry tempest. oops i """""accidentally""""" stabbed myself in the chest now i can't stop laudna from eating me ha ha funny how that works
#🍃#critical role#critrole#orym of the air ashari#okay this was in my queue but overnighttosunflowers spurred me to post it so thanks to them#you see this? this here?#it's DEPRESSING!#it's not 'frustrating' or 'annoying' it makes me want to fucking cry! i have been this person before!#because he's so close to connecting these two threads#but he's terrified if he gives ludinus one molecule of support he's saying he's completely right!#and again yeah me not shutting up about moral purity ocd orym but it's all the ugly bits of it too#the stubbornness and the refusal to see anyone else's side even though you know you could benefit from it#because then if they are a bad person you are 'impure' for giving them your time of day and associating with them#everything has to be Correct and Good and By The Books Or Else no matter how you have to get there#even if it means self harm at your expense and lashing out at everyone who tries to talk you down from it#something something your discomfort is valid but not a moral absolute i think that's how it goes
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
Is it normal to feel angry when the people around you fall in love? Like, I love my friends and I’m happy and proud that their crushes worked out and they have partners, and it’s not like they’re leaving me behind at all, but I’m angry for some reason?
Maybe it’s because they have something I literally can’t have? I’m ok with not having a romantic partner ever, but maybe less ok than I thought?
#aroace#aromantic#ughhhhhhhhhhhh whyyyyyy i just wanna be happy for this one friend#and then i see that their partner has something about how much they love my friend on their social media#and i’m angry????#WHY#why am i angry this is not a reason to be angry#i don’t want romance#i know that#BUT MAYBE I DO WANT ROMANCE EVEN THOUGH I’M OK WITH BEING ALONE AND ROMACELESS FOREVER?#i guess i want the security of a romantic partner#and the feeling of having something “special”#stupid “more than friends”#I hate how romantic partners are treated as the ultimate relationship#one special person who nobody else can compare to#if that’s the case then all my friends will end up leaving me right?#if that’s the case then i’ll never matter to anyone fully#anywayyy that got depressing real fast#thank you to anyone who read all this#vent#rant
22 notes
·
View notes