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weirdmageddon · 6 months ago

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why i think aradia and john work so well

(with some stuff i’ve been wanting to yap about for ages)

have you guys ever given arajohn / johnradia (idk if its popular enough to even have a standardized ship name) any thought …? i know it seems kind of out of left field. i’ve considered it and i think its. really really good. i have a bunch of thoughts to unpack. come join me. and maybe grab a snack or something because i didn’t realize how much i'd actually have to say about this

(fantastic art by skeletood)

the other day i made a tweet that did rather well where i said, “john and aradia shouldve talked more. its so simple but i like how she actually earnestly answers his questions. so many characters in this comic are so mean to john for just wanting to know more give him a break”

putting it out there now im not big about shipping for the sake of shipping. there needs to be real chemistry. i need to sense that as a reason why two characters would potentially be a good influence on each other. i never knew why i was always so obstinate about this because it’s fictional and not materially hurting anyone, but i think it might be because i’m not sure how to justify it or explain it if not.

i strongly believe john and aradia would have had it made out for them if circumstances allowed it. (what i mean by “ship” or “johnradia” extends to any kind of interpersonal dynamic, even if just a good friendship. it doesnt even have to be romantic, just some sort of dynamic with them.)

unfortunately aradia originally committed herself to staying out of trolling the kids over their timelines, so john and aradia never talked until year 3 on the ship in the dream bubbles but they never had a truly proper one-on-one without outside meddling. i think if john knew aradia better and her story beforehand, she had more time to explain herself and her history, he wouldnt have been unsettled. and also of course if his experience with the trolls didn’t suck so bad because he already had expectations for how antagonizing most of them were.

i found people’s sentiments about johnradia elsewhere too. i remembered that they were both on the song art for ascend, and searched ao3 to see how many fics have been written to gauge how substaintial it’s been in the homestuck fandom. only 17 of them turned up. but the people who do talk about it are either curious about it or really do like it, and that interested me.

clearly it’s pretty niche character relationship to be depicted in any fanwork and i can understand why. despite being so small, from what ive seen it seems universally agreed upon to be nice. i haven’t seen a single person object to it. what ive seen falls into two categories: “wow i didnt think about this before but i actually dig it” or “(starving) finally some good fucking food”

the pattern im seeing is that people think it’s “random”, but i disagree. there is something there substantiating it even if they’re unable to articulate it.

the fanfic these comments are from is chronology of wind. that fic is really, really good, and sadly unfinished. i have more abstract reasons to believe why aradia and john would be good in theory, so actually seeing someone else actually make something with them helped me read it in action, to get a more tangible feel of the dynamic beyond what we have in canon.

i wouldn’t normally make claims about a relationship with regard to homestuck canon by looking at their relationship in a fanfic, because i think you all know by now i am very nitpicky about accurate characterization, and it does not go unnoticed by me when people get it right because for some reason it feels like a one in a million thing (even though it really shouldn’t be?). so this was a special case. the tone was completely consistent with canon. this fic is so in-character i’d basically consider it an extension of canon. to me it’s like they took the same characters and plopped them into this scenario to see how they’d interact. guys… i love that stuff so much. i love fanfiction or fanworks that depict realistic extensions of canon and stays true to the energy and tone of the source, but deepens it. there isn’t enough of it imo. i want to see more of it.

anyway, what i read of their conversations in that fic basically aligned with what i was thinking in my head about what i’d expect it to be like. i was able to compare how aradia and john talked to how aradia and the other characters interacted, their comparative attitudes towards each other—how they’re treated by others compared to how they treat each other.

have you noticed john and aradia’s communication values are both based on sincerity, being in the proper know, treating people fairly, and thanklessly taking on the necessary work that “must be done” in order to have what they really want — a good time that feels meaningful? and they accomplish this without any adjustment in how they talk to each other.

john is always subtly (or not-so-subtly) asking the people around him to answer him soberly and to the point so he knows whats going on and what that means for what his options are. he needs to know to what end he will be applying his absurd energetic drive into making shit happen. aradia honors his time before john can even become uncomfortable with the amount of time being eaten up by conversation. contrast this with rose, who seems to go on for a while with prose-like conversational adornments. in dire situations that need rapid explanation and definitive answers so he knows what to do, this is really the last thing he needs. aradia doesnt waste john’s time. she answers all his questions, and does it politely to boot. his time talking to her doesn't feel wasted.

john's impatience with this sort of nonsense is also why i can’t see something like dirkjohn working out, for example. to me it feels like @entropicbias also deeply understands this on some level because i literally couldn’t have demonstrated what i mean by it any better myself than that. i'm gonna have to to hit him up about how much i genuinely respect that like tbh hes one of the few i absolutely trust to handle writing and depicting these characters in situations and their interpersonal dynamics. and also care about doing their characterization justice as much as me.

of course people are still entitled to like whatever they like, ship whatever they want to. i dont care. but i just don’t think it would work from the perspective of the minds of the canon characters, how they generally think and approach situations. and i can already tell people might ask me how do i know this? what makes me an expert? i’m not more than anyone else is (although i have been called a "characterization expert" from my friends), but i do know that i can pick up on the energetic chemistry between people, including characters, honestly precognitively, without even thinking? like if it’s stiff or tense or awkward, if people aren’t free to express themselves uninhibitedly, if they feel unsafe or uncomfortable. i can sense this almost instantly. it’s something that’s a visceral feeling in my body i cant express and i have to rationalize it after the fact. like i’m doing now in fact writing this big analysis.

> listen to me talk about my special interest boy

for the next section to make sense, you probably want to read this post. i initially started writing it within this post to explain but there was so much brewing i had to explain the context that it turned into something i wanted to post on its own terms.

> okaaaaaayyyyy i read all that

thank you, really. my main point is using the conceptual tools provided by this system to expIain why aradia and john feel nice together and why i’ve seen people positively perceive the idea of a relationship between them even if it seems “random”.

framing them in this system, it wouldn’t be random! there’s a good reason they seem to fit nicely. this is because john and aradia have complementary forms of information metabolism. information metabolism is talked about in this section.

Jung’s psychic types are the types of cognition, or intelligence. But it would probably be easiest to call them types of IM [information metabolism], since the main difference between the types of people lies in their exchange of information with the external world.

Aushra Augusta, Commentary on Jung’s Typology and Introduction to Information Metabolism

aradia megido’s type of information metabolism (otherwise known as a TIM) is LII. john egbert’s TIM is ESE.

aradia and john’s types are duals. you can read more about what that entails here. in theory, their interactions would reflect the duality dynamic. reading chronology of wind, that one really in-character fic that explored their dynamic made me excited because they do!

michael pierce gave an overview of his impression of the characteristics of this intertype dynamic. despite only rough knowledge in socionics while he wrote this, his understanding of duality was spot on to me from my experience and others and i wanted to share it here. (fittingly, i believe he is also LII.)

Now we have the famous duality relationship: in a nutshell, this role is characterized by two traits: 1) a very close psychological distance or intimacy, and 2) a great ease of interacting with each other. It is sometimes described how meeting one's dual can be the event of a lifetime, because it inspires aspects in each party's character that they had never expressed before: the pair may even drop out of society for a time in order to focus on just each other, and to explore themselves through interaction with each other. The curious thing in this relationship is that these parties are rather different in outlook, and when they are not actually interacting as potential friends it's probably more likely for them to dislike or mistrust each other because of how different they are. […] However, when they are able to interact normally, it is a strange and wonderful discovery to realize that the interaction is unexpectedly smooth and invigorating. It's hard for people to describe, but as I understand it: while both parties recognize their differences on the surface, these differences are created by a root structure that coincides perfectly with each other, so that the differences on the surface are entirely complementary and cause no friction at all.

it’s also meaningful to consider that the structure of my own psyche is LII as well. so i’ve got a bit of a bias towards aradia and john.. not in the sense that what i actually say about them is personally biased, but that the bias is moreso my personal attention to people and characters of these two types in particular to see how my own experiences are reflected in them. i really do feel of a reflection of my own thought and work process in aradia and in the more abstract sense she is like an extension of myself. when people say they like aradia as a character i get secondhand joy from that because shares certain specific traits with me. of course i am still my own person though.

these are some of the most apt profiles i've found for these types at a glance. again, think about these characters as you read these descriptions. [from here (ESE / LII)]

ESE (Ethical-sensory extrovert) - john

The trademark quality of this type is a focus on socializing and guiding social situations and interactions so that the people involved can have fun and enjoy themselves. ESEs are typically in the middle of what is happening socially and know about the latest events and what people think and feel about them. They are skilled at bringing people together in fun and interesting ways and making everyone feel actively involved. Their friends know them as people who love life and feel most at home in social situations surrounded by other fun people. In their pursuit of fun-oriented and stimulating social interactions, ESEs typically neglect to structure their own thought processes and views in a way that would help them know exactly what they think and why. They are receptive to others’ attempts to help them introduce more structure and logical consistency in their life and thinking processes. They gravitate most to people who open up to fun and emotional interaction easily, yet are also skilled at systematizing thoughts and views and explaining ideological matters.

LII (Logical-intuitive introvert) - aradia

The trademark quality of this type is a focus on logical, structured thought and generating true assertions and views. LIIs are typically strict thinkers who are concerned that everything fits together in a logical way. They are skilled at understanding, generating, and criticizing logical arguments and instilling their views in the people around them. Their friends know them as people with well-organized thoughts and opinions who know what they think and can elucidate their ideas to others. In their pursuit of logical understanding, LIIs typically neglect their external social interactions and activities that would help them lighten up and experience a connection with other people. They are receptive to others’ attempts to create these fun and lighthearted situations for them. They gravitate most to people who are interested in their opinions and understanding of things, but are also skilled at organizing social interactions and creating a sense of emotional unity.

ive recently consciously experienced the feeling of duality for the first time since i've been communicating with my mom's high school classmate, and it is definitely a real thing. i even remember mom pointing out she noticed when we were all talking on the phone over a year ago that i perked up whenever he said stuff. here is how i explained it:

its bonkers how only once i experience something for myself i’m able to explain in detail what makes it so great based on what my impressions about it were because i tend to have a peculiar way of describing the qualities of an experience. my specialty is deep precision in my analogies for what it’s like. so now i can tell you how conversations with your dual feel… heres the status report. it’s weightless. its so strange. like the topic conversation stretches into infinity that you can pick right back up at any time. it’s hazy and unfocused but still pleasant (unless you’re particularly self-conscious and need to unlearn hiding your true self). but the best parts of it come when you have a specific issue or insecurity that comes with being your most natural self that the world seems to misunderstand about you, or just not give you what you don't even know you’ve been looking for. i think you might mutually intimidate each other at first because you're lowkey both expecting to be made fun of for your inadequacy with certain types of information that the other is nuanced with (and you’re not), but it never comes. you don't feel like what your dual wants in life is wrong. your dual seems so talented in all the ways you hope to shine but you’re always unsure of. for the introvert (me) wishing they felt their own active presence as an object (Se, Ne, Te, Fe) like the extravert does. for the extravert, wishing they felt their own relationships with other objects (Si, Ni, Ti, Fi) like the introvert does. any other intertype relationship (ITR) vs. duality is like the difference between 99% and 100% totality of a solar eclipse, except it’s the level of understanding with another person, like the eclipsing of your own information metabolism with theirs. of course there are other things that influence how well your relationship with this person goes, but i am talking strictly about when it comes to basic communication, the level of understanding you share. sometimes it might feel like you dont have much to talk about or the topic is unfocused, because you two ARE opposites in many ways after all, especially at a glance (domain of interests usually come with specific macroelements. theories about thought structures—like socionics, for instance—are in the domain of intuition, while physical interests and experiences are in the domain of sensorics.) i’m LII in the NT club (researchers) and my dual ESE in the SF club (social-communicative). so they’re constantly providing you with information from their own niche in life that you may be entirely unfamiliar with, but for some reason still interests and relaxes you to hear. you might not feel like you have a lot to say about the topic since but you are fully amazed by this person’s activity. it also makes you feel more sure of yourself and more confident that people truly appreciate and need your natural abilities.

> let’s break it down

here’s some lightly modified descriptions of the information blocks in LII and ESE's information metabolism models from pyatnitsky so you can get an overarching impression of how their type contributes to the informational sphere. i added some of my own adjustments and borrowed some sentences from stratiyevskaya's descriptions. additionally, you can click on the name of the block for an explanation of the role it plays.

i put about a week’s work into these collages but my goal with them was to actually show where i think these information blocks are most pertinent in these characters specifically and where they apply so it’s not just some abstract thing, just as supplementary examples as needed. (for the meaning of these information elements individually you can refer to cysia’s document.)

LII (Logical-intuitive introvert)

EGO (-Ti? -> -Ne!). Analytical thinking. They are well aware of the interrelationships of some objects or phenomena with others, and what laws are in effect or not in effect. On the basis of a comprehensive analysis, they put forward insights about the global essence of specific objects and phenomena, their possibilities. They acutely charge the situation with potential energy. For every situation, there is an archetype.

Super-EGO (-Fi? -> -Se!). Normative ideas about relationships between people and ways to get out of unpleasant ethical situations. Understands ethics as founded on the principles of fairness; to do to one side of the equation that you do to the other. Volitional manifestations in order to protect their living space are carried out only on the basis of personal experience. Because of the limited opportunities to fight back, they react painfully to attempts of any interference in his life. Does not respond to any arbitrary crudeness or volitional pressuring. Does not compromise goals, stubbornly clings to them. Avoids direct confrontation if possible, would rather talk civilly and earnestly. Uses their naturally strong sense of the conditioning of objects over time to avoid collisions with their material interests. Due to this, they may appear as someone with very little weaknesses.

Super-ID (+Fe -> +Si?) Attracts information about a good mood, a specific positive state, or a feeling. They would like to think that they can eliminate serious inconveniences, make the environment around them more comfortable. This skill needs to be evaluated. They are unconsciously activated when there is a need to make the environment more comfortable, which should lead to a better state, raise the mood at least in the immediate environment. In friendly, comfortable, and informal company, their cool exterior thaws and they start lighting up with joviality.

ID (+Te! → +Ni?). Has developed guidelines and methods that relate to specific practical activities, technological effectiveness, and resource use. Spontaneously feels the correct allocation of resources over time, which allows them to effectively solve tasks at an unhurried pace. This pace is deeply rational in nature.

ESE (Ethical-sensory extrovert)

EGO (+Fe! -> +Si?). Perception of the world is fundamentally emotional. Feels the emotional atmosphere well in any situation, knows the relevance of the way of expression, the place and weight (importance) of the internal state in each situation. Flexible approach to solving problems of managing and expressing emotions. They show bright emotionality both negative and positive. Creatively produces around themself comfort, coziness, conveniently arranges space, surrounds others with beautiful things, changing thereby the general condition and mood. Usually opinionated about their tastes.

(wow i really went all out on that this one that tumblr wont even display it in full resolution, so here. john just has so many more lines to choose from, sorry!)

Super-EGO (+Te! -> +Ni?). Practical and technological thinking is tightly based on acquired knowledge and patterns of solving similar problems. Methods of business activity in both general and specific areas are selected based on the opinion of reputable sources, or adjusted to one of the mastered templates. Predicting specific changes in the sphere of their interests is carried out only on the basis of personal experience. He is not able to compare his own method of forecasting with others, so he is sensitive to criticism of poor timing or deadlines, does not like situations that feel like a waste of his time; he is lost in connection with negative events. Guided by purely personal experience, he chooses specific times and deadlines for various tasks with a normative understanding of business activity in general.

Super-ID (-Ti? -> -Ne!). Attracts information about the order, specific logical relationships in the field of activity or interests. Needs someone to suggest specific ways to make connections between phenomena, patterns, and rules. Tries to be reasonable himself, even though he knows that this is not characteristic of him. Sometimes he openly talks of his actions that were poorly reasoned through, as if inviting other people to laugh at his thoughtlessness. The ordering and systematization of thought opens up a new way of understanding of events that are happening around him, as well as new prospects, potential, and capabilities. He likes to think that he understands the essence of a situation and lights up with new ideas. This skill needs to be evaluated. It is unconsciously activated when it is necessary to create order, clear consistency and clarity on a particular issue, especially if their abilities are recognized.

ID (-Fi? -> -Se!). Involuntarily keeps track of communications in their social circle. Without hesitation, they use a variety of ways to establish and maintain relationships that have been developed in his personal practice. Good relationships are important for personal inner confidence in a situation. To prevent unfavorable relationships, they are inclined, often without even realizing it, to act with pressure, forcing a showdown, forcing the partner to change the relationship for the better. Frequently demonstrates his resoluteness, persistence, and purposefulness, as if proposing his behavior as a model for imitation. Usually tells in much detail what obstacles were created before him, and how he overcame them, what he was told in response, and what he replied with, and so on and in the like.

(full res)

you might be able to see already how they would complement each other's thought process nicely. here are some descriptions of what the communication between these types is like:

+Fe! : program function of ESE and dual-seeking function of LII

The ESE periodically tells emotionally charged "program" function stories, telling of how somebody has acted and what they have done. The main orientation of ESE's leading ethical program is: "No one should be offended." The LII carefully listens to these statements, and, demonstrating a full understanding of these issues, develops logical basis for them, e.g. in calm persuasive voice he explains how the ESE has acted justly and fairly. The effusion of turbulent emotions coming from the ESE is counterbalanced by their absorption by the LII, who breaks them down into fragments by asking clarifying questions of the ESE.

-Ti? : dual-seeking function of ESE and program function of LII

The ESE is tuned to accepting information when it's relayed in clear logical form. He issues requests for logical explanations delivered from a point of view of generalized rules underpinning specific life events, which he receives from the LII, who delivers clear unambiguous interpretations, places the dots over all "i's", and demonstrates good understanding of problems that are of concern to the ESE. Not receiving information of this kind, the ESE begins making demands of those around him to be "intelligent" and understand the reasons of his actions.

-Ne! : activating function of ESE and creative function of LII

The ESE feels uncomfortable if he doesn't extend his help to people who are in need of it. His subconscious orientation is: "care and guard the talented", be kind and attentive towards other people. The LII usually meets such criteria by proving in action his aptitude at uncovering hidden capabilities, winning trust, passing on the knowledge. The ESE creates supportive conditions for people who are capable but lacking in assertive "push-through" qualities, among whom the LII finds himself, and a special work regime that protects such individuals from overloads on sensing functions. Newly discovered possibilities inspire and promote the pragmatic and business-oriented activities of the ESE. He can support a new undertaking or initiative with an enormous amount of energy and enthusiasm, light up by new ideas. Only the LII is able to, even having a vague general notion about the subject, construct a developed theory or idea of any issue. This theory shows to be promising in the process of its concrete application within its field.

+Si? : creative function of ESE and activating function of LII

LII tries to take care of their well-being, but may gravitate towards demonstrative asceticism, exhaust himself with work, studies, or exercise. The ESE periodically takes care of creating an environment that "charges" the LII with pleasant sensations: a reception of guests, a good meal, a visit to a theater or a concert, an interesting trip, and so on. At the same time the ESE takes pleasure in this himself.

+Te! : role function of ESE and observing function of LII

The role function of the ESE manifests as business-oriented activity and initiative, supplying interesting information, provision with material assistance to those who are in need, general restlessness and fussy busyness. This function is normative, i.e. the ESE seeks to comply with the norms and accepted ways of doing things. The nuancing of the understanding of these norms, i.e. introduction of activities that go beyond them, is possible only by considering LII's advice and recommendations. The LII serves as a director of this function, adjusting its workings by advocating the necessity of practical application of some beneficial ideas, rejection of useless though spectacular ideas, and the need to ensure standards of life not below average by rejection of equalization.

+Ni? : vulnerable function of ESE and demonstrative function of LII

The ESE poorly feels the flow of time, both physical, which manifests as running late and poor distribution of his strengths over time, and historical, which manifests as poor ability to anticipate consequences of actions and tendency for traditional ways of solving problems. The ESE finds it difficult to make radical choices. The LII fully takes this aspect onto his shoulders. He has an unconscious ability to distribute activities in time, thereby avoiding work stress and overloads, and is capable of making a radical choice. The LII is able to calmly wait and in the necessary moment get to work when the wasteful fussiness of the ESE reaches its critical point.

-Fi? : ignoring function of ESE and role function of LII

On this function the ESE gives advice and makes demands concerning the creation of appropriate psychological distances in form of proper behavior, courtesy and politeness, denouncing rudeness and boorishness. In this manner, the ESE adjusts LII's role function, which in itself contains a set of large psychological distances: a sullen stubborn look, unsociability, etc. With such fine-tuning it becomes easier for the LII to come into contact with people, whereby he becomes more animated, resolves many of his ethical problems that previously frightened him, gains greater insight into human relationships and a more accurate understanding as to whose side to take in situations of conflict.

-Se! : demonstrative function of ESE and vulnerable function of LII

The LII finds it very difficult to exert pressure on other people from his own will and initiative, especially in cases when he needs to attain something for himself. He finds this difficult to do - to press ahead in certain situations, to gather all the required paperwork, to stand in lines and queues, to petition for his own interests, even the ones that are of vital importance to him. He finds it difficult to push a person away, to sharply refuse someone, to quarrel loudly and defend his rights, to put an end to relations that have exhausted themselves. The ESE doesn't directly affect this function, i.e. he doesn't verbally criticize and teach the LII on this aspect, but takes over its functioning completely. The ESE exerts a constant, sometimes intrusive and imposing pressure on other people if there is a need to achieve something, to defend justice and demand fair treatment, to protect interests of those who are close and dear to him. The ESE goes to the right jurisdictions, inspires people around him and directs them towards work and purposeful activity, keeps up a high pace of life himself, and breaks off relations with those who don't deserve trust.

and some miscellaneous excerpts from literature i liked a lot. (i can't remember the sources i used since i've been working on this on and off, for the past week and i was just spilling things onto the post. i think stratiyevskaya?):

Mood - that’s what matters in this dyad - emotions and feelings. Anything that suppresses and overshadows good mood is considered unethical in this dyad and is strongly condemned.

The ESE does not allow the LII to limit him in the possibilities of consuming the amount of pleasures and joys, which he considers to be necessary and sufficient. Fortunately, both partners in the dyad - LII and ESE - are obstinate and unyielding. Both are demanding, unwilling (and not allowing anyone else) to lower the bar of their requirements, unable to give in and make concessions (especially in anything that is of principle for themselves). Both know how to make their partner reckon with their interests and insist on the fulfillment of their demands.

LII is impressed by the emotional generosity of ESE and his spiritual responsiveness. All this finds the deepest understanding in LII, since he is tuned to the same priorities and values. For his part, ESE admires the ability of LII to speak clearly and definitely on every issue. ESE is struck by the harmony of the reasoning of LII, the amazing clarity, accuracy and laconicism of his statements. To ESE it seems that for LII, there is nothing incomprehensible in this world; he can give a comprehensive explanation on every issue. And everything that ESE thought about before is gradually being built into a definite and clear system of views, which he can now very freely and naturally present. Confusion and chaos in his worldview gradually gives way to a stable logical order, as if someone patient and careful was sorting all his thoughts into shelves. Such clarity inspires and activates ESE; he begins to see some prospects for himself, new opportunities. His energy and activity, in addition to emotional and ethical expression, also receives sensory realization: ESE begins to take care of LII and carefully looks after him. If LII is a colleague with whom ESE is especially pleasant to communicate with, he begins to treat him with something tasty, homemade; will make some small, but beautiful and necessary gift (for example: new cologne or a warm scarf).

> okay that's great and all but when are we talking about john and aradia specifically?

yes, that was the point of this post. i just had to build all that up first so i could walk you through my thoughts in a fully substantiated way.

considering chronology of wind again, john doesnt realize it but he needs aradias frankness and insight. even if she’s unable to explicate on vague things, she states the reason why instead of making him feel stupid (it would create a doomed timeline) but thats all john needs to hear. she is self-effacing and only tells him the truth, and we know other people can take advantage of john’s suggestibility in this way. aradia tells john who is or isnt trustworthy, what actions would be useful/necessary and which ones wont, without any selfish personal motive a la vriska or terezi.

^ (juuuust the record my nitpicky ass doesn’t agree with the truth of the classpect interpretation on behalf of the author in the last bit BUT that is beside the point here. the point is that she is answering john’s question in a way that is meaningful for him)

aradia doesnt realize it but she needs john’s friendy goofiness to brighten her up because she is surrounded by people who antagonize her when she’s literally not even trying to get under anyones skin. everybody gets frustrated at her “spooky nonsense” because theyre afraid of their own mortality, basically telling her to put a lid on it because thinking about hard truths makes THEM personally uncomfortable. but to her it’s always just been a fact of life. plugging your ears to reality is ignorance, but at the same time that doesn’t mean there’s no meaning in anything. she wants to help people see this and she dedicates herself to becoming a psychopomp for the deceased and earnestly trying to make people feel emotionally and physically comfortable in their situation through exploring their memories.

john isn’t hostile towards her. by being herself she is immediately able to earn john’s trust when they initially talk. this is also true in canon; the one time they talked when john initially comes up to her, saying “can i ask you something? seem reasonable, and pretty nice.” unfortunately he asked her the one question she didn’t have much to say about, and i can’t blame him for expecting all the troll girls to be basically insane at that point. but i don’t think aradia is insane. yes she is odd, but i think it’s evident that she has a good head on her shoulders with knowledge of the way the universe around her works, and in the end wants to simply bask in watching it play out. i think she deserves to get childishly excited about it, especially considering she was dead for most of her developmental years.

aside from getting his answers answered, john shows curiosity about her and her species and even care about her well-being and state. this naturally comes from their conversation’s ebb and flow. aradia tells this straightforwardly, without bells and whistles and without trying to trick him, unlike the other trolls who seem keen on well..trolling him.. and providing him with unclear answers to those sorts things. maybe aside from vriska, but she did have a little bit of an attitude about it wherein her and john’s dynamic felt uneven or off-rhythm, with a large psychological distance. it’s a different feeling with aradia, however. they exchange information on the same rhythm and so are able to achieve a closer psychological distance in communication.

there are no judgments coming from aradia about john being “stupid”. she doesn’t underestimate him. it’s not just that john wants to understand (although he does), but he needs to understand what he is doing. aradia compliments john about the traits he possesses that allow him to be effective. i guess in a way i’m doing the same thing with john right now.

john is so mobile and strung along by being the action hero going from place to place as a can-do deliveryboy that he never has time to reflect on his losses, think through them, and accept them.

literally who else is more qualified in all of homestuck than aradia for talking to john about these things?

on top of all of this, they have objectively significant connections beyond just mutual self-realization in a way i think could've been fleshed out. there is potential here.

for a story, i can think of a way that a conversation between them could plausibly happen using the systems established in homestuck's mythology. in canon, we see that john never met aradia until year 3 on the golden battleship in the dream bubbles when he goes to sleep.

but john still dreamt out in the furthest ring. that means during those 3 years it was possible for john to have had a dream with her in it, or at least aradiabot. i know john didn't know aradia's name beforehand but let's just explore the possibility that they could have had met before that. remember that all these aradiabots were once this person.

aradia had obtained john's crosbytop, his dads hat, and his wallet quite a while before their sgrub session. theres your entry

imagine john seeing that

memories of dear old dad get stirred up through the link of seeing those items

the dream bubble transforms

john is forced to stand in his memories and explore grief and the meaning of life with aradia

physically being in the space around him would definitely help john reflect easier i think because it will force him to actually exist within the space and talk to someone, taking some time out for this. he wanted to know if anything could've been done or if he was just too late to save them. i know aradia would be able help him slow down and introspect. don't forget the opportunities created by the properties of these spaces that are glubbed out in the furthest ring by the horrorterrors that meld the labyrinthine time and space of their surroundings to the memories of the people and finding others through common points in memory. i would imagine that objects known by multiple people would provide a common point in memory to bring them together.

The bubbles allow the players of Sburb/Sgrub who have lost a life to continue dreaming. The reality constructed in the bubbles is a combination of the memories of everyone inside the bubble accessible to any who has learned the bubble's nature. According to Aradia, it would be quite difficult to exit a bubble to get into a new one, however someone inside a bubble can travel to another one through common points in memory, taking their own memories with them to be integrated into the new bubble. These memories mix and combine, but in general, no new memories are created. Additionally, the bubbles store the consciousness of a player who has lost their dream selves and their original selves, making them double as a form of afterlife; the player is then capable of accessing the memory of anyone else who has gained access to the bubbles. Living players, who have lost or become their dream selves, appear in the dream bubbles when they are asleep. It is in this fashion that the bubbles can be used as meeting places between the dead and the living; even those from alternate universes and doomed timelines can be found in a bubble. Furthermore, in addition to memories, the bubbles can to some extent reflect the thoughts of a player. Beyond that, the bubbles can also behave similarly to Skaia's clouds, showing things that are in some way relevant to the player - such as when coin-flip Dave saw alpha Dave grieving over Bro's corpse - something he was not aware of before being shown it by a bubble.

physically reflect the thoughts of the player…… rubs hands

john and aradia share points in memory related to those objects, and to top it all of they are directly related to john's dad on the same day he died, while aradia grew up with them as bizarre alien artifacts from an archeological dig. the memories are more emotionally charged for john, and i think that distinction would probably be relevant to them both.

to be honest i think after speaking with him for a bit she would readily tell john that she regrets not talking to the kids from the universe her team created sooner before she died, but is glad that she can in the afterlife. in canon, alpha aradia told a doomed dave, "i think its absurd i never introduced myself to you in all that time i spent moping around the lab. guess i wasnt in a very good mood".

now not all the aradiabots would know who john is, because the trolls only found out about the humans once they created the genesis frog and hid out in the lab in the veil from jack who infiltrated their session. the aradiabot in the lab was the last one that survived. so if any one of them would know who john is, it would be the aradiabot that exploded. aradia's dream self ascended to god tier in jack noir's rampage on trolls' derse and took those memories with her which we can assume is what made the last aradiabot explode. its known that any original copy that dies when another rises up becomes a ghost and lives on in the dream bubbles, which would include her. a doomed aradiabot we see in the comic, which was the one that originally landed to alternia in the past, becomes more lighthearted after she dies, a bit more like her alive counterpart.

oh yeah, and the more obvious surface-level connections to top it off? ghostbusters? john ain't afraid of no ghost girl. john would be genuinely interested in what aradia living as a ghost irl on her planet and not as a gaming abstraction in the furthest ring would be like. i imagine she would be able to explain the subjective experience and that she had to prototype herself into the kernelsprite order for her server player to see her. there's also no way john hasn't seen a movie as classic as indiana jones and judging from her poster i can imagine he probably thinks it's sweet that aradia's strife specibus whipkind is a reflection of her own personal tastes, interests and hobbies.

so yeah i've just been chewing on all of this and thinking about it but i know i needed to just get this out there somehow. obviously since i spent two weeks putting this post together i'd be happy to hear your thoughts

#homestuck #aradia megido #john egbert #johnradia #arajohn #homestuck analysis #socionics #mine

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reallife6anoufriev6boy6 · 1 month ago

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can you make angst artkita hcs pls i NEED to see them suffer

angst artkita headcanons!

whoa! come down there anon…make angst artkita headcanons?

but of course…

tw for self harm and eating disorders

artyom definitely makes nikita cry on purpose. theres nothing more that he wants in the world then to see that boy cry and sob because of him.

artyom ignores nikita a lot. its rare that he answers his calls or messages and even when hes over hed probably ignore him. hed be sitting off to the side like a puppy waiting for a treat itll never get.

artyom has somehow gotten nikita to take nudes of himself for him. its more of just a tactic and thing to hold over him when he does something wrong - i also think artyom talks shit about nikita to his friends and shows off his nudes for shits and giggles.

if nikita ever found out he would have a panic attack and probably hurt himself really bad, but hed end up calling artyom over anyway, begging for his help because its too much for him to deal with on his own. hed forgive him immediately as soon as he gives him some half assed attention to his cuts.

artyom comments on nikitas weight and body all the time - poking his sides and talking about how he needs to lay off. it makes nikita feel terrible because he just wants artyom to think hes pretty (he never will either way) so he does just that, but it doesnt really work which further upsets him.

if artyom ever wanted to drug nikita he wouldnt even have to bother doing it himself. he just has to wait until nikita gets himself fucked up and then he can do whatever he wants to him.

artyom tries to make nikita throw up on purpose. he would probably make him lick and eat it up afterwards.

once nikita is feeling so god awful and completely beaten down then artyom will give him a little praise and comfort. hed tell him here and there that he was proud of him for doing something and that his body was looking a little better as well as other stuff - maybe even touching him a little too.

nikita definitely misses out on a lot of stuff just so he can hang around artyom. like if his mom ever planned anything for him he would just tell her off and go over to artyoms apartment instead.

nikita gets jealous really easily. any time artyom talks to a girl or something he gets upset and it becomes a whole big thing between the two of them which just leads to a lot of arguing and fighting.

nikita is typically just trailing behind artyom and following him around wherever he goes like a lost dog.

lots of physical fighting. artyom will take any opportunity he can to beat the absolute shit out of him - if he has a lot of pent up anger and stress then hes quick to let it out on nikita. nikita just takes it laying down, but will be begging and crying for him to stop - he stills lets it happen though because he wants to help artyom feel better.

nikitas always going home with new bruises and cuts. when his mom is there she’ll ask him about it but he’ll immediately cut her off and tell her its none of her business.

artyom doesnt like to smoke, but he will do it just so that he can put the cigarettes out on nikita when he feels like it.

artyom definitely encourages nikitas self harm behaviors - hed even help him do it. he would show him better ways to cut himself and what not just so that more blood can be drawn and he’ll be ruined further.

sex between them is just as terrible as youd imagine. nikita would be non stop begging and sobbing - wanting artyom to be gentle and not so mean with what hes doing, but artyom is just focused on getting done and using nikita as a human fleshlight basically. he never cares for anything thats sweet or romantic while the other just wants everything to take time and be as intimate as possible.

artyom specifically likes to cum on nikitas face and nikita has an oral fixation so it all works out super well. he makes him eat all the cum afterwards too while he laughs at him for how dumb he looks.

whenever theyre out killing people artyom will make nikita do a lot of the work and will call him a pussy if he doesnt want to do it. then he’ll proceed to laugh at him because of how hesitant and careful hes being.

#tcc fandom #tcc tumblr #tccblr #tcctwt #tee cee cee #tccblur #teeceecee #nikita and artyom #artyom anoufriev #artkita #nikita lytkin #academy maniacs #dismembered pugachova

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mbat · 3 months ago

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fuck it, have my unnecessarily personal review that i left on letterboxd (i literally only made a letterboxd account like 3 days ago and this is my first and only review ahfhdg)

"i only just finished watching this film about 2 hours ago and for the first while after, i didnt know how to feel. i went into this movie knowing it was a trans metaphor (and that was the only thing i knew), and it definitely was. there were some things i didnt understand until i saw other peoples discussions of it, and some parts i still dont entirely understand, but i think i understand enough.

mind you, i am trans and ive known for years, im just bad at picking up metaphor sometimes. i think it doesnt help that i went into it expecting it to be a very different kind of metaphor because, well... i dont think ive ever seen a trans story like this. the one where they explore someone rejecting their identity and living their life refusing to believe it, even though theyre suffocating to death. i love any trans story (that isnt hateful of course), but they tend to be the same kind. this one wasnt. im glad it wasnt.

for about an hour after i couldnt stop thinking about the final scene, in the birthday room. i hoped i would stop thinking about it eventually, i was trying to move on with my day, but it just wouldnt leave. i rewatched it on youtube and i read the comments, and as i made my own comment i just started sobbing, and i couldnt stop.

that breakdown scene in that birthday room has been how ive felt for so long, but i cant just scream like that. hell, ive felt like that in so many ways that arent even related to my trans identity. just that throat-tearing scream, begging for help, im dying, help me... and then being sorry that i even dared feel that way, and then screaming for my mother. i am so weak when it comes to stories about mothers nowadays, i lost my own mother a few years ago. so hearing that scream hurt.

and of course, the fact that no one acknowledges it. everyone else is frozen, like they arent even there. no one even looked their way for those last few minutes. no one responded. even as they apologized to everyone in sight, no one cared. someone asked if they were okay, but we dont even see them.

my entire life has been me screaming from the inside, but never out. and no one sees it. no one sees me. ive never seen another scene like this ever. it tore into my soul and plastered it into the screen, telling me to look at myself.

im also in a big time of change in my life. im about to go back to school after dropping out, and ive been isolated for 7 years from the world... on the youtube video of the final scene, someone said 'this is what its like going down a path in your life, and then realizing it was the wrong one, and that you wasted years of your life that you will never get back' and that hurt. that hurt so much because it was true. i went down a path that i can never change, and i just want to scream until i cant anymore. i just wanted someone to help me. all i could ever do was help myself.

what an amazing movie. there will always still be time. never forget that there will always still be more time."

#my post #personal #isttg #isttvg #i saw the tv glow #long post

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pekodayz · 1 year ago

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aini and oso whatever thing i made at 3am (rubbing my temples and sobbing)

this was just me typing on my phone straight thru, no looking back so it's gonna sound not profresh duhhh . ok don't whateves dont look at me i like odd platonic odd relationships

I feel like aini looks at oso as someone she holds near and dear to her. Yeah she doesn’t wanna pursue a relationship with him but the feeling of being around him makes her feel a bit better about herself, way better even. She has always seen her peers get some sort of love and affection as in like flirtatious comments being thrown at them and such. But aini has never..been asked out or even approached at the idea. She brushed it off as petty human nonsense. but deep down, she’s hurting a bit. She doesn’t care for relationships, but the mere thought of not being wanted or just even the slightest bit of fascination…makes her question herself. Am I deem-able? I shouldn’t care for this…but, I really wish someone would at least tell me how they feel about me. Yes she’s annoying and obnoxious, but she does that to cover up her true feelings….the feelings that shape her to be like this. Though I did say “true feelings”, Aini’s out-spoken part of her is real, I mean she’s not faking it. She doesn’t have a preferred liking to a gender, honestly she’s ace. She’s just starved of a specific type of attention. While she does get called cute by others, she just wants to have some sort of feeling of “huh, wow…we treat each other like absolute animals, but they care about me…” (we know who she’s referring to, right) Okay well aini does get the love and attention from molly and Usiuii. But yknow, that’s bff stuff, ofc ! They love each other so so so much!!! Aini has seen the compliments get thrown at her other 2 friends. She wonders in a way like hm…am I having internal conflict? No, that’s ridiculous…feeble minded words. It’s confusing for aini because she feels guilt for thinking like this. The human race is nothing but…she stops herself there…this chuni brain gets put on hold as she begins to question her own self. I wish I was held by someone..just for a mere moment would be nice. Disgusting, an arm around me…stupid. Aini doesn’t want to be clingy to her dearest friends, so she just does her little tsun act and just shove them off like ough get away from ME. Though she has her weak moments and hopes that they’ll notice (they do) and react accordingly.

Aini gets the cartoonish jealously when she sees others get that stupid human affection…then she pouts about it for a while. Gross…she thinks. Ok now for when she does have her moments with O. She sees him as a rival of some sorts..though she knows she has the one-up. (A job, surprisingly better personality…) Though, I suppose their bickering and arguing does end up with them just sitting there. Why are we yelling so much…couldn’t we just get to know each other more? No? Aini ponders that thought a little, I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to try and get to know him more. He does look like he cares. They’re both hard to read as to the weird repress thing aini does and oso’s not-showing-what the hell-is wrong with him mentality.

She..cares about him, idiotic disgusting low-life of a human..someone she cares for. Unbelievable. People like him should be ignored. But that would be a tad bit rude now wouldnt it. (Look they’ve been hanging out for a while now) The company that aini has dealt with..more so just going to up him or him going up to her, starting something between them. That strengthened whatever kind of friendship this is between them.

Aini wonders if oso cares about her too. (Though she hasnt shown and prob will extremely seldomly show those emotions as well) He does ofc, but for someone as annoying as her, and for someone as idiotic as him…he’s not gonna admit that either. I dunno. Aini would never beat the living shit out of Usiuii and molly even though molly has to put aini and Usiuii in their places from time to time. (aini and usiuii also fight..but not to extreme lengths, just aggressive playful <3) So seeing osomatsu and how he is towards her makes things a lot more reasonable as to beat the shit out of him (and vice versa for him) Aini doesn’t see a relationship in her future, but having a platonic whatever-this-is with osomatsu would be nice. umm marriage scares her and the thought of a relationship is crazy too. Bound for eternity (is what she thinks) is frightening. Even tho he’s osomatsu, she wouldn’t mind dealing with him forever. Like she would prob be super happy knowing someone is more annoying than her, telling him that out loud is the norm. but her true feelings would just make her embarrassed to admit.

Gagging at these thoughts but aini puts a little too much thought in herself, seeing how she’s like super boisterous and loud when she wants to be. It gets to the point where she overthinks the stupid things and ends up riled up, but ends up calming down. Okay gagging fr fr but as much as she wants to avoid something like this, aini really wants someone to just like uhhhhhh yknow .hold her. A pathetic sub-human man. Platonic cuddling exists, yeah????? Like they both get super embarrassed but yknow it’s nice to have someone there..

I stated this a long time ago (i gotta find it and rb it) but aini has a thing where she just gets incredibly clingy when she gets sleepy. I suppose after her and oso have their stupid dumb arguments, they’re like walking together. Aini glancing over at him multiple times and he’s just yknow .yeah.. So they gradually step closer and closer to each other, and oso let’s her cling onto his arm or smth (ew ) cuddling up on him and shit. DISGUSTING 😭 they’re both sweating, blushing and freaking out btw. bc like that’s so foreign for the both of them..idkkkk smth as intimate as this (i am aware that cuddling isn’t like sex but yeah it still sets off the same vibe to me LEVA EME ALONE) is so woaughhhh.. hey it’s 331 am.

Ok ok I need to rb like the stuff abt aini bc this is just her inner dwellings. (SHES STILL CHUNI ONE TOOTH POUTY GUN OKAYY) Someone she only opens up to a select few. Unfortunately, osomatsu is one of them. She knows he wouldn’t tell anyone ..so I suppose ITS FINE. like yeah he’s fucking oughhh but he would share such vulnerable moments between them like wtf..

#oughhh okay if u read it thanks whateves WHWATEV #i just needed to get this out eventually.#i have a lot more but let's just put this out first lol....ughh #I HAD NO IDEA I TYPED ALL OF THIS SO QUICKLY???? phones do wonders tbh #a&o #ppp

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puppypeter · 4 months ago

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RAAAHHHHHH your most recent bottom!Roy post is just *chefs kiss* PERFECTION!!!

I am endlessly fascinated by super masculine Alpha male type characters getting to bottom, and while slutty!Roy is a stroke of genius, I also LOVVVVEEE first time bottoming!Roy, because maybe its something hes always been peripherally interested in but because of his public persona/sports politics/internalised homophobia/internalised sexism, no one ever really ASKED, and he probably wouldnt have felt safe enough to try with a casual hookup even if they had.

ENTER JAMIE TARTT, PEOPLE PLEASER AND PRAISE SEEKER!

I do believe in my soul that Roy is a Dom, but I do think the intimacy and vulnerability of bottoming with Jamie would be something Roy would definitely be willing to explore. I think it would probably be super emotional and cathartic for Roy (and probably Jamie too, because could you imagine how overwhelming that kind of trust would be?), but both Roy and Jamie would really have to work up to it, because internalised homophobia is a complicated beast, and you can think you're not super effected by any ingrained ideologies until all of a sudden you're having a panic attack mid-Coitus.

There WILL be crying for both of them when they do finally work up to it though, that I know for absolute certain.

I still think Roy bottoming would probably be very rare though, even just purely because of how emotionally fraught the whole ordeal is, but I do think it would really be the kind of thing that just reaffirms how serious RoyJamie are about each other. Romantic sex that simultaneously unpacks our individual internalised issues, my absolute beloved ❤️

yay someone in my inbox screaming about bottom roy kent is what dreams are made of! 🥰🥰🥰

I agree with everything, there's many different ways it could be explored. Either as him becoming more and more stuck in his ways about sex too, like no I can't go back to that or even sadder, having a bad experience with someone, maybe a casual or not so casual partner making some comments that hurt deeper than they think and which make him swear to never trust someone that much again.

I also do love them being together, snuggling all warm and flushed and talking about the more vulnerable stuff and he (a little pouty and playing with his hands in a nervous manner in a similar fashion to jam tartt) wonders why would jamie assume he'd top though :( and he expect maybe jamie to laugh in a mocking way (like cmon have you seen yourself) but jamie just giggles and admits that he was just eager to selfishly have roy in him but he'd of course love to die a different death too

Also, while technically nobody's business, I can see the locker room talk around the topic and everyone straight up assuming Jamie bottoms cause I mean have you seen him (and the cake on him lol) so they're all a bit surprised when they somehow find out otherwise

I think my obsession comes with mostly Roy looking absolutely delicious when he's all flushed and he gets those rosy cheeks (Jamie 100% jokingly lovingly calls him doll), the thought of beefy baby Jamie looking after him in s.3 like he's so eager to court him and make sure he's got what he needs (sticks his hoodie on him, brings him tea, ice pack, hugs him from behind and kisses his shoulder like he did at the gala with keeley 😭). Ok this is not a post about roy kent bottoming anymore, it's about roy kent having equal rights to be looked after and treated like a prince by his boyfriend (whose mum and stepdad have made sure knows how to) and Roy being absolutely gobsmacked at the treatment because what the fuck is going on this is so nice I'm not used to this oh flowers? for me? but I am cooking you dinner Jamie shut up, you remembered the washing powder that doesn't irritate my skin? you bought me something because it reminded you of me?

(ok I'm self projecting on roy again and healing my inner child via him but as someone that also sees roy as a the post child for childhood emotional neglect i can see him being both overly touched but also thrown off by someone taking care of him and puttint his needs first, there's so much i want to say about that it would take a million words)

#royjamie

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lorisystem · 2 years ago

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I feel so so miserable and dysphoric in this society ngl. I feel like i need- not even want but need to be in a place thats accepting of me and that makes me feel loved and welcome or at least. Tolerated or something and that i cant get that. I know its my problem bc so many people somehow live being themselves and taking criticism etc. But i just cant deal with unsolicited comments or aggression etc i just cant. Bear to think that people in society might perceive me to be weird. I feel like people cant be normal around the weird and weak, they just turn hostile and try to subjugate us or at best they become patronizing.

I feel like i dont belong to any community at all not even people like me theres always this or that trait that keeps me from belonging fully and no matter what i always feel like im an impostor pretending to be normal.

I know this is my own issue and im too sensitive to what i think people think of me and how they react to me etc and i shouldnt care but i cant help caring it was literally taught to me the hard way. Everytime people have wanted me so much to care about what they think always its so hard to unlearn.

Im at this point in this reaction of flight cycle where instead of trying to figure out how i could possibly find an accepting community im trying to figure out how to not be dependent on society anymore. My fantasies are turning to like going to live somewhere alone and subsisting by my own mean even if it means sacrificing things like comfort or some dignity i would aggressively protect being alone so nobody can come near me and perceive me or anything.

Obviously thats not realistic etc so. But im still thinking i cant help trying to figure how i could do that.

I just feel like i cant compromise- i cant be happy in this situation at all.

So im thinking the other way out is to die- which obviously is a thing i cant do bc some people depend on me and like. Its so so sad to die even though theres still technically hope of getting better. And its not fair. But im getting these urges and its like not even on a conscious level bc ive been suppressing suicidal urges but i have these parasite thoughts idk to do it in a way that makes it everyones problem bc i resent this society (and no individual in particular) so much and i want everyone to know that they failed and they were trash and they hurt me etc. But i cant pinpoint any specific people that i really resent. When it comes down to people who actually hurt me i think they just wouldnt understand (or sometimes care). No matter what i cant make anyone understand me or what i go through and the pain isnt going away.

And i know this is not a good way to feel or to think bc its very selfish and its nobodys fault in particular. And i have this toxic trait of when i feel bad i think its fair that everybody else feels bad too- which is bad and also i hate having this trait cause this is just what my dad does!! So im repressing thoughts like these and i dont talk about this to people around me bc the last thing i want is to actually harm someone especially if i care about them.

But yea i feel like i dont connect to anyone really. I connect to my spouse but i think its only bc we spent so much time together we attuned to each other but still. He is a person n i guess i need unconditional acceptance and love of my whole being- literally everything i do or say and i know its dumb and i shouldnt want it etc

Rationalizing doesnt make it go away though.

This spiraling was literally caused by a call from my landlord's girlfriend bc shes asking me to fill somth that doesnt matter and i shouldnt have to fill it and she was so rude bc i didnt receive her stupid email. As if its my fault?! N like. This is way more interaction ive had with this landlord than i care to have for my entire life. With these neighbors. I hate it here i hate it here!!!!!!! Theres always drama in this building!!!! I want to be left out of it!!!!!!

I feel like my life is just a nightmare that im trapped in. I have to pretend to be a human person all the time and i have to rely on my imaginary world and comfort interests to escape it all the time but when i think about it this is the only thing that makes me feel safe and accepted.

Idk why im struggling so much just feeling human and living with other people. I dont think anything ive been through is enough to justify this level of dysphoria and distress. I didnt ask for this. I just want to be left alone and live my life but that is too much to ask.

Sorry for the rant. Ill be ok though!!!!!!! Idk if anyone else feels like this but when it comes to DID i feel like for me its all about feeling unimaginable amounts of pain and still being able to function and be ok bc everything is kept compartmentalized. So in the end ill be ok n functional but ill hate it the entire time.

Anyway bye.

- ???

#lorisys #tw in readmore.#im too....................... etc to tag for anything im just feel not good. sarrey

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dayrooo · 1 month ago

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Okay i started listening to some older silent planet songs bc i liked everything ive heard from them so far and they have so many i didnt listen to yet

In the album "when the end begins" they have a song called visible unseen, which from the lyrics and vibes i picked up was kind of a love song, but a tragic one. The vocals were heartwrenching at some points...

Today i decided to look up the lyrics. Now, silent planet is a christian band, but they dont really advertise it much so you wouldnt really know unless you read the comments. The comments, or the commentery they sometimes leave in the description with the lyrics. Which is where i looked today.

Visible unseen is about being gay and christian, or at least stuck in a christian society. And fuck if that doesnt fuckin hurt. Its a heavy metal song, and there are screaming and singing parts. The signing is where i picked up the romantic-tragic vibe, bc i understood all the words there, but the screaming...

There is one line, which on the commentery is noted as inspired by a talk the writer had with a transgender friend. It goes "am i only flawed when im alive? Only your child if i live denied?" And im tearing up as im writing this and i teared up when i read it as those words are screamed in my ears and it just baffles me how this band can fucking understand me. See me. And it feels almost healing to see them weave religious themes and qoutes from the bible with queer themes, so shamelessly as well.

Religion has been such a complicated topic for me, because im not straight. And it clashes within me even more often now because i became a bit more religious in recent years. And even though im certain in my own sexuality, and im certain in the right of queer people to exist, it still hurts.

And maybe i feel like i could only be a child of God if i deny, sometimes.

Think i found a new favorite song...

#personal talk tag #we love identity crisises in this house...#silent planet is probably the only christian band i like bc their take on religion is nuanced...#they talk about heavy subjects and they sometimes critizise their own religion and fellow christians #as they do in this song #so fucking good... their lyrics kill me #and the melodies are so catchy... how do they have only like 14k subs is beyond me

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away-ward · 1 year ago

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"I have to laugh 🤣 He got trauma and he still didn’t understand. Sometimes you have to wonder if Will is too dumb for emmy or just so self absorbed that he doesn’t care about her enough 😭"

Oof anon, your comment on will's reaction to his trauma and emmy's abandonment was really harsh 😅 I have read KO's post about will and i agree with his pov on the whole situation. Willemmy was flawed and i love that in nightfall we finally got to see a couple that actually destroy each other, rather than stupid misunderstanding like in corrupt and killswitch. At least when pd said em's gonna be the bitchier ones among the girls, she delivered, and i was here for it! She wasn't fully innocent (unlike rika), i ate that up!! I dont understand why we gotta read dark romance, expect only the MMC to ruck up, and suddenly had to paint em as this innocent girl or woman or something, as if she did not had a fair share to will's ruin? Wasnt this what you hated about what pd did to rika and winter (Other than their appearance and dull characterisation)? Because rika and winter didn't fully deliver their bitchy roles, but were always said that they hurt michael and damon a lot. But finally when we meet emory and we saw her hurting will, we wanna change up her characterisation now? Weird.

Now, as much as i like damon and emory's bond, it still doesnt take away the fact that damon was never always the best "friend" to her, we only saw some crumbs of them here and there, but even then, there were more interpretation than outright declaraction of friendship about these two in canon. It also doesn't take away the fact that damon was a fucking piece of shit to everyone, especially to rika banks and winter, and til this day, i still don't understand why rika got more hate essays than damon. Because if i fucking catch that mf damon, he'd be finished frfr. Just on the basis of all the things he had said to rika alone, made him deserving of execution, now if we add up all of his sins with rika, winter, michael, kai and will, i hope he never gets any happy ending in whatever afterlife he was thrown in, lmao! I'm annoyed at rika, but i fucking hate damon, alright and the hate towards him is so lesser than rika's, why? He was more insufferable than her though? Lets increase the damon hate too, bring back those incompetent damon torrance slander, because we know he fckn need and deserve lots of them.

And did i memtion that i was the anon that gave the unpopular opinion? Yeah, alright. The anon that replied to me had missed a lot of my points, but thanks KO for the intervention, and yes, your interpretation of my ask was similar to what i originally thought when i posted that long ask. I also agree 100% with KO that if i was emmy, i wouldve ditched will forever and never return to Thunder Bay, granted that i wouldnt even hangout with people like the horsemen and i hope i never will. But like i said, i wasnt emmy, you're not emmy, we werent emmy, so i/you/we cant say exactly whats best for her tbh. We can only have headcanons to fix whatever things we wanna fix from canon, and things we wish pd wrote instead, so yes, that's why i said it's a fan's wish fulfillment, but we'll not always get what we want. When you insisted about how pd should write something, you almost sound like how will must have sounded to emmy when he kept urging her to do something even when she didnt owe him anything. That's the kind of entitlement that i was talking about. It wasnt a great feeling right? Yeaaaah. Sounds harsh but yeah sometimes we dont notice that we mirror the same behaviour we criticise. Basically atp, just write our own fanfics. In one corner of my head, im able to accept canon, but in the other corner of my head, willemmy exist happily in love and were only with their companies, there arr no martin, aydin, alex, damon, or even michael, or kai to get in between them. The willemmy in my delulu mind just live happily ever after, and always choose each other above eveyrthing else. Not because pd wrote so, but because im delusional af and cant fully accept canon HAHAHAH 🤣☠️ we just gotta laugh at the pain brothers and sisters 🤞 it really be like that here in pendouglas land. Once this series slowly dies out from my mind, imma ditch this series and move onto something else. Something more fun. Other than that, I dont have much else to add to the conversation though so im ending it here. Thank you for your replies on my original post KO, i like to hear your thoughts on them, i also dont have anything to reply to your roelies of my ask.

Good day ahead to you and everyone!

Hey! Happy to hear from you again. I was wondering if you were going to respond or disappear.

Willemmy was flawed and i love that in nightfall we finally got to see a couple that actually destroy each other,

This is true, but I hadn’t really framed it this way in my mind before.

I’d still place most of the blame on Will for making assumptions and going forward as if those assumptions were fact. But I’ve talked before how I don’t feel Emory is fully innocent, like you said. People are allowed to act on emotion and make mistakes. But just because we understand and sympathize with the way Emory behaved doesn’t mean it wasn’t wrong, doesn’t mean she didn’t let her pride get the in the way.

Just because a snake bites you in defense, doesn't mean you're not going to die from it.

I love Emory. I love her for not being completely collapsing in the face of everything that happened to her. For having passions, despite all her obstacles. I love her for being angry and mean. My heart hurts when she acts out of desperation, because I can understand her just wanting. But that doesn’t mean she didn’t mess up. And loving someone even though they’ve made mistakes and messed up and were mean, I think, is not something to be ashamed of.

She wasn't fully innocent (unlike rika), i ate that up!! I dont understand why we gotta read dark romance, expect only the MMC to ruck up, and suddenly had to paint em as this innocent girl or woman or something, as if she did not had a fair share to will's ruin?

What if we had a genderbent Willemmy?

Sorry. That’s not directly related to what you said, but comparing how we treat MMC and FMC, I wondered if we would still be just as angry with Will if he were Willow and if Emory were Emerson, or something.

it still doesnt take away the fact that damon was never always the best "friend" to her, we only saw some crumbs of them here and there, but even then, there were more interpretation than outright declaraction of friendship about these two in canon.

Oh yeah, absolutely. The idea of them having a strong friendship is all HC, inspired by the last gazebo scene in NF when Damon gave her the canister; that he kept it safe for her. I couldn’t help but wonder what his plan for it was. It seemed like such an unusual, thoughtful thing for him to do, and my imagination just flew from there. Him defending her before and them working together after everything added to that.

KO for the intervention, and yes, your interpretation of my ask was similar to what i originally thought when i posted that long ask.

Okay, good. Sometimes I’m taking a stab in the dark as to what people are saying. Happy that I at least got the gist of where you were going.

We can only have headcanons to fix whatever things we wanna fix from canon, and things we wish pd wrote instead, so yes, that's why i said it's a fan's wish fulfillment, but we'll not always get what we want. When you insisted about how pd should write something, you almost sound like how will must have sounded to emmy when he kept urging her to do something even when she didnt owe him anything.

Yeah, in a way I get what you’re saying. Whether or not PD told the story they wanted to tell or let other people influence them, PD doesn’t owe each and every fan exactly what they want. And PD’s not the first author who didn’t deliver on what they promised.

I will say that a lot of people are upset by how much the other characters took over NF, and I can’t argue with that. I felt the same. But at a certain point, I have to accept that PD’s ideas for the character are not the same as mine, and that’s okay. They created the characters, and they own them, but they also haven’t stopped us from creating our own reality with them. In fact, on their website in that FAQ, they all but encourage us to continue living in the world as long as we want, telling ourselves the stories we want. They're not gatekeeping the characters.

In one corner of my head, im able to accept canon, but in the other corner of my head, willemmy exist happily in love and were only with their companies, there arr no martin, aydin, alex, damon, or even michael, or kai to get in between them. The willemmy in my delulu mind just live happily ever after, and always choose each other above eveyrthing else. Not because pd wrote so, but because im delusional af and cant fully accept canon

This is exactly how I approach Willemmy too! I never needed the author to tell me explicitly what happened to them because I just… filled it in myself?

Yeah, and maybe it is delulu of me. But I’m happy with it.

Once this series slowly dies out from my mind, imma ditch this series and move onto something else

I hope you escape the DN brain rot soon. If you don’t reach out again, it was nice speaking with you, and I hope your next fixation is fun, whatever it is.

-KO

#asked and answered #emory scott #series discussion #fandom discourse #asked and answered 158 #response to prev ask #asked and answered 147

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wulfums · 4 months ago

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allan gets very, very stressed during all of this and gets angrier a lot faster and loses his patience but whatwulf Always has a calming effect on him

they had Just gotten married when the werecritter outbreak started and thruout this it just becomes more and more obvious that they r Soulmates and bring out the best in each other

the Main characters of this au are charlie and pim but Allan and whatwulf are just as important

like in the au charlie is Not only dealing w his life being upturned, having to live in close proximity to everyone, he also finds it harder and harder to deny he Clearly has feelings for pim so he takes this out on allan and whatwulf because hes So mad theyre able to be open about it.

but also allan is a fucking asshole and picks up on this. him and charlie start disliking each other more and more as time goes on here and when they argue allan Will be like "Hmm. This argument is pointless. Im going to go be with my beloved husband that I love and loves me back. Which some people dont have. Or deserve." and its like. Allans comments go Wayyyy too far.

like having Werecritterism increases all emotions, negative n positive, but aggression and anger specifically become an issue. some critters are able to cope with it and then theres charlie and allan who eventually have a Really bad physical fight. id imagine charlie makes some really really mean comments and also goes equally too far. i feel like allan wouldnt start a very serious fight unless charlie said something about whatwulf which he Immediately regrets saying but its Too Late. they are Fighting Now

so allan + whatwulf are Banished from crittertopia because allan clearly started the fight even though he had been heavily terrible to charlie before then, building these feelings up in both of them.

i think both allan and charlie start to feel bad abt this. pim is incredibly dissapointed in charlie and whatwulf is extremely dissapointed in allan. charlie + allan dont care that much abt themselves but having their beloveds being dissapointed in them for acting like this when theyre supposed to be friends makes them Both start thinking.

i think it gets solved when charlie and pim figure out what part of the enchanted forest allan and whatwulf went to (they actually found a really nice part of it with a really beautiful waterfall, lake and stream.) and start leaving them supplies like soap, food, and any belogings that were left behind when they suddenly were forced to leave.

eventually charlie and pim are caught leaving these by allan and whatwulf (whatwulf and pim Planned this) and they have to have a heart to heart and acknolwege theyre both hurting. but theyre not the only ones hurting.

pim Still has no idea that charlie is into him though so he isnt sure what the comments allan made were, h e just knows they really got to charlie.

i think after this allan tries to see charlie differently and stops seeing him as Beneath Him. i think he also starts noticing how similar pim and charlie are to himself and whatwulf...

idk just wulf thoughts

thinking abt crittertopia allanwulf.....

#crittertopia

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seyvetch · 3 years ago

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Hey update from Russia here. As much as I hate to replace my current pinned post I think Ill have to pin this one for the time being.

myIm not saying Im having it worse than people in Ukraine and I didnt want any conflict between Russians and Ukranians in the first place. But I am going to talk about my expiriences so recovering from covid and catching up on college been wearing me down even tho Ive been becoming a bit more lively. Then y

Today I couldnt buy my antidepressants bc pharmacies dont have them. I might have not been showing it much but its been a tough time for me concidering the current situation. I am still recovering from covid and catching up on college been wearing me down even tho Ive been becoming a bit more lively. Then my country invaded Ukraine. It was majorly stressful on its own aswell as me fearing I might get drafted to this horrible conflict.

Then the sanctions came aswell as a lot of people starting to see ALL Russians in a negative light. Ok I thought nothing I cant get through. Ill just use some escapism into my favourite games.

Steam stopped accepting payments. Warframe, my favourite game, one of my favourite things in life, stopped accepting payments. The last one really hit me. I felt like a piece of my soul died.

How is restricting access to games gonna stop Putin? Is this supposed to get players riled up so they go to protests? Do they realise how much risk it is to go to protests in Russia? It doesnt work and the only thing you get from going there is you get beaten up and jailed. You cant even state your opinion agianst the actions of the government currently on Russian social media without the risk of being arrested. Im walking on thin fucking ice right now btw by telling you that Im against the conflict.

That all aswell as being a closted queer person in Russia is really stressing me out. Aswell as p much erasure and demonisation of Russian culture as a whole worldwide.

My mental health is declining. I cant even get access to medication nor coping mechanisms to get better even tho I have some of each left. I have 3 days worth of meds. Aswell as supportive friends who are like the main thing that keeps me going. Im not gonna lie to you Im starting to have intrusive suicidal thoughts again. After all this time I was getting better and I thought I finally got rid of them.

After all this time recovering Im shoved into this and forced to confront the reality without a way to escape meanwhile when I tried arguing in the comments of the tweet by Warframe announicing that they stop accepting transactions from Russia (even though due to other companies who handle the transactions pullying out it was already impossible) that perhaps it wasnt the right decision and they are hurting their loyal players who had nothing to do with the decisoin by an athorotative regime and that it wouldnt make a dent in Putin's decision of invading Ukraine Im told to put things into perspective and that my siffering isnt as great as suffering of people being slaughtered by my country so I should stop complaining.

Im trying to hold on guys but its getting harder by the day. If this continues on I might not be able to handle college due to mental exhaustion and depression.

By all means support Ukraine but please dont do unnesecery damage to people of Russia. It wont help anyone.

#update #Russia #Ukraine #Warframe #important

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ravysu · 4 years ago

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Sannin headcanons and thoughts

The last thing I would like to post for the sannin week. It is still 24.04 here! :D @sannin-central

This is long. Spoiler alert. Mostly Orochimaru, some Tsunade, a little of Jiraiya (because his story is pretty clear and spoken and idk what I can add). Also I recommend to read this meta about Orochimaru, it has influenced me a lot and has some good points. Sorry for any posible grammar mistakes. Also I really should put here a lot of references to the manga or anime but it was something that was piling up for a year and I'm soooooooo lazy. After all, those are just headcanons. Also: Im not excusing Oro's bad stuff here, Im trying to understand the reasons.

Ive already posted some hcs, here, here and here.

1. First if all, the chronology pic of sannin lifetime based on the info i found on naruto wiki and also some statements about wars from this post. It was tough considering what a mess naruto’s chronology is.

2. Sannin story shows what it cost to be a legend. They're like Team 7 but more realistic. Tsunade literally carried the war but left with nothing and developed a ptsd and have problems to just live on. Also anger control issues. I think she can be pretty bossy and stubborn which is not always nice. Jiraiya is the hero of the day but also very idealistic and can ignore some important details in the real word whether its the fight (he always injured during flashbacks maybe because each time he took too much to handle and on the one hand it's heroistic but on the other is a mistake that can lead your team to situations like in that Iwa cave) or your friends issues (I bet he saw what's going on but thought it's fine until Oro actually got red handed and left). He lives in his world and may have problems to get out to see it through someone else's shoes. As for Orochimaru, it seems like he was a normal guy for 20+ years (I mean, he didn't do crazy criminal shit and had something good in him and it was stated somewhere that it was his teammates influence. It is obvious they considered him as a friend, I don't thinks it was for nothing) but we mostly know his darkest side. Despite being a moster he is a human that have empathy and some ordinary human traits (man just decorates every bit of an environment he is in lol).

3. Tsunade was the leader of team Hiruzen.

4. Tsunade sometimes hit Jiraiya for some stupid things he did or said but never touches Orochimaru even if he did something same. Jiraiya complained about it once and almost got another hit.

5. Jiraiya had problematic parents that didn't care about him much and a lot of time he was wandering in the streets.

6. Judging by the look of Oro bangs and hair, he sometimes cut it off. A stress relief huh? And the fact that he doesn't do it now in Boruto..

7. It was shown that Tsunade and Orochimaru was acknowledged before they become a team. Maybe they did just before, or maybe some longer time before. I prefer the second option and hc that they met because both had no real friends - Orochimaru seemed weird and scary for everyone and Tsunade was Senju so everyone wanted to hang out with her but didn't really care. They weren't seen as what they were - people put the labels on them. But they didn't care about each other's labels and actually saw each other in true lights.

8. Tsunade knew it was an accident and it's not right but still she blamed Orochimaru for Nawaki's death for some time. It was something that seriously damaged their friendship and the team. Orochimaru was mad but also guilty, after all, he was responsible at least as a shinobi since Nawaki was under his watch. So he started to act cold and emotionless and was trying to distance himself from his teammates.

9. Jiraiya was in Ame while Dan died.

10. The whole his orphans mission was a bit irresponsible tbh. They already fought Hanzo and as he stated the conflict between Konoha and Ame is going to an end with Konoha's win. It's weird to stay here for three years in the middle of the war while there were other lands to fight. He left his teammates for some idea. Maybe that caused another crack in their team friendship.

11. If Tsunade would have find a way to live on with her trauma and follow the will of fire and stuff it would affect Orochimaru as well just as her grief affected him. It's like he would get an example that you can live on with this pain. So death isn't above human capability and we are not just the slaves of mortality (sounds stupid but i dont know how else to describe sorry). But as we know what he actually saw is that it broke her crucially to the point she couldnt be herself again. And so the death is above everything.

12. Oro wasn’t just acting as a cold pragmatic bitch in that cave but also tried to save Tsunade. Jiraiya knew it and that’s why he showed this sign to him like "I see what youre doing here" and that stunned Oro because he would prefer to look rather like a cold pragmatic bitch hehe

13. Just a thought. People in the village probably treated Oro as a foreigner or just wouldnt accept him because he looked so differently and had a weird attitude. That's why he sometimes didn't feel that Konoha is his home. After the wars where people were treated as means and tools, even the children, he himself developed this view on people - he dehumanized them and used as the means to his goals, just as his village did. Funny thing some people were straightly dehumanizing him too like Ibiki thought that he was a demon (tho he was a child). And he probably weren't the only one. Anyways the point is that it's logical that Orochimaru don't care about anybody but some few people, he's the product of his era. He's like Naruto that would chose the hatred way. But naruto had some good and understanding people around him and.. Orochimaru had them too, but match how Iruka treated Naruto and this Hiruzen's "I sAw tHe mAliCe in This cHiLd fRoM tHe BegGinNinG". And oro didn't even have a big ass evil fox in him. sry i hate hiruzen

ANYWAYS the moral of the story is not "go criminal if they hurt you" but always treat people like people. Waving my hand to Kant.

14. The reason why Orochimaru didn't pick some good morals to stick with through the hard times no matter what (like, idk, Jiraiya or Naruto) is because 1) I think he is/was pretty depending on people around him 2) the war fucked him and his friends up too much (Nawaki incident + Tsunade) 3) twisted addictions (though I don't think he's that sadistic, we never saw him torturing randoms just for fun, it was always some science experimental shit. He tends to get fun out of cruelty only when it's personal) that maybe developed as a way to sublimate anger and sadness caused by his parents loss (that's what they share with sasuke - unlicke naruto, they knew their parents and it's other kind of pain. Sasuke developed a revenge issue and Orochimaru - cruelty pleasure which... is kinda the same but less epic and more occasional lol).

15. Speaking of that, Orochimaru cared for Sasuke because he saw himself in him.

16. Oro hold grudges against Hiruzen for not choosing him to be Hokage not only because he was ambitious and/or egoistic, but also because Hiruzen was some kind of a father figure for him and his approval was important tho i doubt he was aware of that. He also probably could tell that Hiruzen was suspicios about him when he was a child and that led to many conflicts and was hurting as well.

17. Tsunade knew things weren't pretty with Orochimaru after the wars but she never expected them to be this bad. During the week that she was given in her arc she thought not only about how much she wants to see Nawaki and Dan again despite how wrong would it be but also was trying to bury all the good memories she had left of Orochimaru so it would be easier to kill him.

18. She poisoned Jiraiya exactly because she knew he would not let her do it. Jiraiya was always hesitant to kill and inclined to forgiveness, while Tsunade, as mentioned by Orochimaru, could be merciless (so much so that he was not surprised when Kabuto suggested that she wanted to use Jira for Edo Tensei).

19. That was one of her traits that scared Jiraiya and fascinated Orochimaru.

20. Remember how Oro grabbed Jiraiya's neck when the latter was trying to cover with hair jutsu? On the snake, in Tsnade's arc. Orochimaru could have easily kill Jiraiya by pulling the sword out of the mouth (arteries are right there) but he didn't. As well as he could kill Tsunade when she was still shaking - just aim for the neck or the heart. Instead, he just injured her lung and kicked her which is not a big deal for the kind of shinoby like her at all.. Also he helped Anko not accidentally kill herself but it would be way much profitable to let her do it. "Orochimaru has no feelings".

21. The reason he suddenly wanted to kill Tsunade instead of forcing her to heal his arms as it was planned (which is weird since it will not going to get him heals and he kinda said that he wouldn't want to kill her just minutes ago) is that not only she refused to help him (he thought he could work it out) but she also prefered the village over him (from his point of view). Out if everyone she was the closest to being able to understand him since the village caused her painful losses too but nevertheless she agreed to be on it's side.

22. He wasn't fighting her back in the end partly because he thought he deserved that. Somewhere deep inside hahah.

23. Tsunade got a fear to develop deep bonds so they probably weren't very close with Shizune (also the way she knocked her down in this hotel.. oh).

24. Orochimaru will be here when she'll die.

25. Orochimaru's eng dub to Tsunade: "I often wondered what it would be like to ring that pretty neck yours". No comments.

26. Orochimaru is either bi/pan or ace. Anything or nothing lmao

27. Hiruzen knew about at least some of the Oro’s illegal experiments and was okay just as he was okay with the Foundation all the time. Because it’s useful. Then he has discovered he went too far OR he knew everything and oro just became too inconvenient because of his methods. The way Orochimaru tells Sasuke about reasons they are well treated as the criminals is based on in his experience with Hiruzen.

28. As you may know the lyrics in Orochimaru’s music theme goes “don’t talk with the silence of the heart”. It was taken from one Indian song that also had lines like “don’t question life too much”, ”pain arose somewhere in the chest”, “don’t speak to the wounds of the heart”. Though I’m not sure 100% because I was translating it with some hindi dictionary with like zero knowledge of hindi

29. I like to think that this “silence of the heart” theme and the fact that he called his village a hidden sound village are somehow connected. The hidden sound is the possible explanation of all things waiting to be listened to but the truth is silent and you know it deep in your heart and it bothers you. The world is silent just like the life is meaningless but people can only hear. *Sigh* anyways

30. Orochimaru’s journey is the one about accepting death. When he saw Karin released her chains while was trying to get to Sasuke he understood that the death is a part of human’s strength.

Can’t wait to feel that everything I wrote is wrong or not enough or stupid and obvious lol. Anyways, it’s something that I wanted to share until I move to some other fandom.

#sannin week 2021 #orochimaru #tsunade #jiraiya #sannin #naruto #naruto headcanons

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drewhayes · 2 years ago

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the more the man listened to ben the more he admired him. he had a good life before and it had seemed that it had carried over into his adult years. he had even admired how much it had seemed lale and ben had loved and cared for one another. then again drew knew more than anyone how people could make things look perfect on the outside.

"my job allows me to cook, i guess it wouldnt hurt if i tried my hand at taking a few classes. i know enough to get me buy but i think my wife just likes to eat greasy and unhealthy food. i havent the slightest idea why though. they always made me tired and feel like shit personally. "luckily we are just feeding ourselves and maybe a new dog soon." he explained. "i do good enough to deal with my every day life to through kids into the mix."

drew nodded at his comment about them being similar. "it is strange. funny how the world has a way of bringing people together." he pointed out. "but maybe it is just a start to a nice friendship. having so much in common with someone i feel like could be beneficial. be nice to be able to ask for some advice from someone who has semi lived a little of what i have lived." he explained.

"Football. I was a quarterback in high school and a safety in college," Ben answered, the most straight-forward explanation he could give being the best. There were, of course, other nuances. Like the fact that, even being on a team, he hadn't had the flexibility outside of it to get wasted every night or do some of the other things his teammates did in the offseason. Truth be told, he wasn't sure he ever felt like he'd been missing out.

"We were married by then, so we cooked at home more often than not. She's always cooked for us and she says she likes to." He offered a small shrug. "She taught me. Maybe... it would be worth learning. I don't know what your job is like. Maybe a chef or a food delivery service is a better option for you guys. We're feeding a teenager, so stuff like that might be a little too expensive for us, but it could work for you."

He listened to Drew and, though the words and the story were familiar for obvious reasons, he couldn't fully imagine himself using them. Those thoughts and recollections, however similar or different, felt safer inside him. Or maybe that was a sign of bigger issues. He also knew better than most how well someone could front a lot. His parents did it all the time. Maybe that was part of why he chose to stay silent. Was Drew sincere? Who knew? Did it make a difference in Ben's daily life? Not really.

"We met in high school, too. Sometimes I think I feel every day of it and sometimes I think it's gone by in a blink." He thought about offering up more, asking more, but he couldn't think of a question he could ask that he'd be willing to answer in return. "It's interesting we have so much overlap and ended up neighbors here. Don't know if I've met someone I have a lot in common with in a long time."

#andrew // ben

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kaz11283 · 4 years ago

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Of Course I'm Here

Characters: Come on you know by now how this goes (Loki x you) (Team x you, platonic)

Warnings: None. And really if you ever see anything that I might need to able as a warning please let me know... I'm the person who forgets there are people out there that get offened by the word F*** if that is an exapmle of anything.

Summary: Mid battle and the avengers keep looking for an answer as to why the God of Lies hasnt showed up yet. Of course you have no idea but at least he proves them all wrong.

ANNOUNCEMENT TIME: hey guys Im back, I know it hasnt been long but I also know I havent been posting every single day like I was, i got into a weird little funk where I didnt want to do anything, I was just feeling completly drained, and I felt bad because I have my little and I didnt even want to play with her because I have just been so TIRED, but I'm feeling better. Work has been kicking my ass here lately and ive been working over 50 hours a week so ive literally been coming in, eatting / feeding the little, getting us ready for bed, and crashing as soon as she falls asleep. But im here now. I will probably be more active on weekends than during the week because I have more time to spend working on stuff but I will be posting also during the week just not daily. At least until after state comes. Thank you so much for the reblogs, likes, comments, follows, and messages please keep them coming! If you would like to be tagged please ask or message, and requests are open. Love you guys so much! 💚💚💚💚💚

Loki Masterlist

~~~~~

"Y/N, BACK UP I NEED BACK UP! EYES IN THE SKY!" Tony yelled from above, you and Clint stood back to back on a roof top shooting as many bad guys as you could. Clint took aim at another carrier, shooting at the engine causing the entire thing to blow up raining debris and hot metal around you.

"Damnit Clint! Farther away make sure they are farther away!" You yelled popping him on the head with an arrow before aiming it at the thing that was chasing Tony.

"Where is lover boy at? You.sent him the location right?" Nat asked into the com.

"Yes I sent him the location, no I dont know where hes at." You mocked.

"Did you send him the right location?" Sam asked.

"One time, one dam-"

"Language!" Steve chimed in causing everyone to groan. Gun shots where ringing all around you and you could here metal on metal paired with Hulk screams coming from another building over.

"Language." You mocked muting your com son that no one but Clint heard you. "I am a 26 year old woman, I think I'm old enough to cuss if I want." You drew back your bow and sent another arrow flying into another goon that had Nat trapped aginst a wall. She shot you a thumbs up before running off. You hit unmute on your com.

"Jesus, 26? Baby, you sure you don't need to be at a babysitter instead of on a building killing things?" He laughed.

"Dont worry Hawk, when we get done here I've already booked you a nice nursing home to be put into." You put your bow around you and stood on the edge of the building. "I need a better view." You looked round, the top of a taller building caught you eye. "There Hawk, we can cover a better radius from up there, get closer to the action."

"DOES ANYONE KNOW WHEN THE GODS ARE GOING TO BE HERE? WE NEED MORE HELP WERE GETTING TIRED AND OUT NUMBERED!" Tony came over the coms screaming.

"How do we get up there? Or do I even wanna know?" Hawk came to examin where you were talking about.

"Im jumping, you cant tell me that someone wont catch me." You shrug.

"GODS WHERE ARE TH- Y/N DONT YOU DARE JUMP!" Tony stopped and hovered right were you was standing.

"Then take us over there. We need higher ground, we cant cover everyone from down here." You crossed your arms.

"Where are the gods at y/n?" He asked again

"I. Dont. Know. Jesus you guys act like I'm suppose to be there keeper!" A simultaneous you are came from everone through the com causing you to roll your eyes. "Hes gonna be here I swear it! Now take me to the building or I jump. 1.....2....-" Tony grabbed you by the collar of your jacket and flew you to the building.

God these things were everywhere and you were starting to run out of arrows. After shooting another ship and causing it to blow you heard what was unmistakably pounding on the roof top door leading to where you currently was at.

"I have some univited guests about to join my party. Anyone available for some assistance?" You yanked out the two emerald green and silver daggars that your boyfriend had given you not long after you had started dating after throwing your bow around you.

"Buy some time kid, I'm on ground level right now but I can try to get up there as fast as possible." Bucky called over the com.

"Buy some time? Ok. I can do this. I work better from afar but a little hand to hand never hurt anyone, just easier to get stabbed this way." The first of the things busted through the door running straight at you. You jerked out of the way missing his staff by just a few inches. Quickly turning you flipped the dagger like Loki had showed you and stabbed him in his side causing him to fall to the ground before the next one tried to impale you.

"I have two daggers and they have freaking staffs! Back up! WHERE THE HELL AR-" you were interupted by static in the air and a bright light. The bitfrost had just opened up leaving to gods standing in front of you and taking out the remainder ofnthe bad guys. "HES HERE! I TOLD YOU GUYS THEY WERE COMING AND THEY'RE HERE." You pulled two extra coms from you pocket and gave them to Thor and Loki.

"Always a pleasure to battle beside you Lady y/n." Thor smiled takkng the com and putting it in his ear before taking off again.

Loki sauntered over to you and put his arm around you waist, you put the com in his ear as he rolled his eyes. He leaned down and gave you a quick kiss.

"You got a new outfit." You smiled at him. God the way he looked in his battle clothe always did something to you, the horned helment was a plus.

"You like it." He smirked down at you pulling you closer.

"Your wearing your horns to." You reached up and brushed a peice if hair behind his ear.

"STOP. STOP NOW. WE CAN HEAR EVERYTHING AND ITS GROSS." Tony yelled causing you both to roll your eyes.

"Quick run down, bad guys everywhere, no end in sight, and I'm out of arrows pretty sure Hawk is too." Loki waved his hand over your quiver making more arrows appear.

"I see you had to use your daggers. I am sorry for not being here. Are you hurt anywhere?" He asked stepping away from you to examin you.

"Small cut on the side, nothing I havent dealt with before, Ill be fine. You go make sure Hawk is fully stocked up and help the others. I got a birds eye view of you right here." I leaned in kissing him one more time before smiling at him and pushing him away. He kissed his two finger before placimg them over his heart and you did the same, "always." You both said before he disappered.

You could hear Thor laughing at the chaos going on and Steve trying to direct the god of thunder on what to do. You had learned earlier to just let him do his own thing and he would be fine. Tony was still trying to micromanage everything when you heard Loki mumble something in an old language and his com cut out. You had figured it wouldnt have stayed on to long though but at least you had tried. It had calmed down up on your end so you decided to finally go back down to where Clint was at shooting an arrow with heavy duty rope you glided back down next to him to watch what was going on.

"Hello, earth to y/n." He snapped his fingers in front of your face. You had been to busy staring at Loki and that damn helmet. "I dont even understand why were friends." He rolled his eyes propping up on the ledge watching as the rest of the team secured the last of the bad guys.

"Because we both shoot arrows, because we are both the best in the team, or because we both know we are the best looking one on the team so we have to stick together." You laughed jumping up so you could sit on the ledge.

"The birds can come out of their nest now." Bucky called over the coms causing you both to sigh.

When you and Clint had reached the bottom you walked over to Thor theowing your arms around the big goof ball.

"You are amazing during battle as always." He beemed patting you on the shoulder.

"As always? Thor youve only fought with her twice." Steve said beside you.

"I had a week off. Went to Asguard, spent time with the boys. Someone had to keep them in line." You shrugged like it was no big deal.

"She was amazing!" Thor went on telling the story of the fight you had all gotten into.

"Mothers been asking about you by the way dear. Wants to know if you've decided to come stay for a while." Loki leaned down and whispered in your ear.

"I think I'm leaning toward a yes. I can't stand being away from you, you had been gone forever this time." You reached for his hand as you both walked to the quinjet.

"I was making arrangements to have our room redone. I figured you would come with me." He gave you a knowing smirk as he reached up to take off his helmet.

"Leave the horns on. I have a suprise for you when we get home." You pulled his hand away from his head and smacked his butt.

"You are a little minx." He laughed chasing you into the jet while the rest of the team groaned and rolled their eyes.

"Even if you wasnt moving i would be kicking your ass out! I am so sick of the PDA between you two." Tony hollared after you.

"Leave them alone Tony, they are courting. Im just glad my brother is happy and not trying to stab me." Thor clapped Tony on the back.

~~~~~

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